#especially when you speak up and everyone decides to support your abusers who keep threatening to kill you

[obsessedwithlute]

No Use Trying To Fight It

Happy birthday @niafromheaven!!

Emily x Adam X Lute (AngelicGuitarSword), angst, no happy ending.'

TW/CW alcohol, heavily implied depression, queerphobia, implied/referenced abuse, swearing

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ADAM | “I Miss You, I’m Sorry” - Gracie Abrams

Adam stared blankly at Charlie, who was going on a rant about happiness and marshmallows and shit to Alastor across the room. He resisted the urge to laugh at her stupidity. As if true happiness even existed. Charlie’s idea of the word was really just bliss. Two completely different things.

Ever since his death, Adam had done a good job faking to Charlie how grateful he was for the second chance she had granted him, and how determined he was to make a change in his afterlife.

When really, all he wanted to do was become good enough that maybe he would prove himself wrong and go back to heaven.

Wanting to prove himself wrong was never something he had thought would happen. Fuck it. It was too hard to be sober this week. Adam got up, left the room, and trudged over to Husk’s bar. The flying cat wasn’t there, so he just poured himself a huge glass of beer, downing it all in one gulp. Adam looked around to decide what type of alcohol he’d consume next.

You know, drinking that much will only make you sadder, Emily’s voice echoed in his head.

“Stop it,” he hissed. “You’re not here.”

He hadn’t heard of anything concerning Emily for the last few months. Adam could only hope that Sera wasn’t lying to her and locking her up and “protecting” her again.

She probably was. Sera wouldn’t change.

Adam uncorked a bottle of cheap booze and took a few long gulps straight from the bottle. It burned his throat, but distracted him enough that it was worth it.

Emily still wasn’t getting herself out of his mind. Was Sera hurting her? Threatening her? Forcing her to do her bidding? Adam started to breathe heavier. Adrenaline and anxiety coursed through his veins. He collapsed to the ground, unable to support himself.

Lute’s voice appeared in his head. The high and mighty leader of the Exorcists, in a heap on the floor of Lucifer’s brat’s hotel. Toughen up, Adam.

“I can’t,” he gasped.

Emily again, You failed me. You lied, just as much as Sera did. And then you couldn’t even save yourself in the battle.

“I’m sorry.”

It was his fault, it was all his fault. He deserved this pain and fear and hurt. And worse, he’d been too much of a fucking coward to even tell them how he felt before he died.

EMILY | “Rumors” - Ava Max

Emily stood crooked over a thick novel, combing through every page, searching for some hidden meaning in the words. The only thing she could decipher from it was that the title, Les Miserables, perfectly described the mood in Heaven these last few months, what with the constant rumors. About a lot of things- the exterminations, Sera’s authority, the fabric of Heaven itself- but especially about Adam.

He was gone for good, true death.

He was in Heaven but waiting, biding his time.

He was in Hell and an overlord.

She didn’t want to believe any of them, although something had to have happened. You can’t rewind time and go back to when you didn’t know your sister was a liar, when your crush wasn’t maybe dead, when your other crush wasn’t a walking shell of a being.

At least she wasn’t ashamed to admit her emotions, unlike most people she’d spent her life speaking to.

Everyone had always thought of Emily as the innocent one, the sweet one. Sera’s naive little sister. And she had to keep up that persona now, as always. Feelings had never mattered to Sera, and they certainly weren’t about to start mattering to her now- especially when those feelings involved the wish to be in a relationship that, if Emily were to bring up with Sera, the seraphim would perceive as unfaithfulness, what with her conservative mindset.

And as much as Sera was a liar and a turd, Sera was all Emily had. And she couldn’t give that up for a relationship that would never happen.

Emily read a few more words and slammed the thousand-page tome down on her desk.

Air, that was what she needed. Fresh air, maybe some of those chocolate-dipped strawberries they had down in the lobby. Emily could take care of herself. She stepped out onto the balconies and took a few breaths.

In, out. In, out. In, out.

She went on like that for a few minutes until she was a bit calmer. Alright, Em, see? It’s not so bad after all. Now keep your mouth shut, attend Sera’s meetings, don’t under any circumstances even look at Lute…

You can do this.

You’ve always done this.

You’re stronger than they think.

LUTE | “champagne problems” - Taylor Swift

Lute had always dealt with her negative emotions in one way and one way only: Violence.

Punching a wall, sword fighting another Exorcist, killing a few sinners- anything, really, as long as it involved violence or weapons of some sort.

But that’s because her negative emotions had always fallen into one of three categories: Anger, cockiness, disappointment.

Never anything close to “sad”.

But she fucking sucked at describing how she felt, and “sad” was really the only word she could come up with to explain this… this weird feeling, almost like her soul was being ripped out of her body, like she couldn’t control her limbs enough to get up and stab something. Or someone. Stabbing someone sounded really satisfying.

What was that thing Vaggie had always said to her? Oh, right. You need to find ways to cope with your emotions other than extreme violence and cruelty.

Kind of ironic, considering what had ended up happening to Vaggie.

What Lute had done to Vaggie.

Lute rolled her eyes. Everyone made mistakes, right? But your mistakes end up either killing or permanently injuring people… That’s normal. That’s very normal. That’s kind of what you were created to do. It’s fine.

Ugh, there were people outside of her door, and they were talking very loudly, and maybe she should stab them to make them shut the fuck up. But, wait. Would stabbing them be considered sanctioned, or would she have to sit through one of Sera’s lectures about self-control again?

And if she had to sit through one of Sera’s lectures about self-control again, would she at least get to see Emily as a result? And why the fuck did she want to Emily? Get a grip on yourself, you are the lieutenant- now commander- of the Exorcists. You represent Heaven. You are too strong to-

The people outside her room weren’t done talking.

Two of her Exorcists, neither of them liked her that much.

“...heard she wanted to fuck Adam,” one of them said.

Were they talking about her? “Please, we both know she’s one of those gay freaks. Probably had her eye on Sera or something,” the other responded,

Shit, they were definitely talking about her.

They didn’t think she was in her room. At this time of day, she was always training. They were just having fun gossiping about her in front of her own door.

“Damn asshole. She deserves to end up in hell, just like Adam.”

“Hah! She’d be happy, wouldn’t she? Get to be around those fuckups just like her.” Fuckup.

They were right.

Wait- what about Adam?

“Can’t believe Sera never told her. Guess she wouldn’t want her or our little bitch of a princess to go running off looking for them.”

Emily.

Sera had lied.

Again.

Lute heard some more laughter, and then the Exorcists walked off.

Emily.

Lute needed to tell her- but she couldn’t. Emily didn’t want to talk to her. Emily hadn’t even looked at her since the battle.

There was nothing she could do.

<Hope you have a much better birthday than these guys, Nia! <3>

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lute #emily hazbin hotel #lute x adam #emily x lute #adam x emily #adam X emily x lute #angelicguitarsword #guitarspear #angelicguitarspear #emilute #yummy delicious angst

[testudoaubrei-blog]

“I’m loyal, that’s my whole thing.” - Scorpia, Season 4 Episode 6, Princess Scorpia

“Everything they taught us in the Horde about loyalty is meaningless” - Lonnie, Season 4 Episode 5, Protocol

Rewatching Season 4, I just finished Princess Scorpia. This is an episode that has always stuck with me, especially the A plot of Scorpia realizing how badly Catra has treated her and everyone else and deciding to leave. One thing I’ve been thinking about since I finished the series, though, is what this episode is telling us on a larger level. Looking beyond the character arcs and more at this show’s larger themes and message. Because this show is very much a show that says things, made by people who believe them. That earnestness and depth is one reason I keep coming back to it.

In the pull-quote above, and throughout the episode and before it, Scorpia defines herself in terms of loyalty. It is her identity - as she says, that’s what Scorpions do, they’re loyal. Her actions for three and a half seasons bear this out. When she first shows up, she tries to position herself as Catra’s new best friend, the one who won’t leave her and will stick by her no matter what. And that’s what she does, until this episode. She sticks by Catra through Catra’s increasingly villainous plots and erratic behavior. But she doesn’t just stick around. Until the portal, she barely contradicts Catra, and even afterwards, does so only furtively and immediately backs away as soon as Catra pushes back. For more than a year of show time, Scorpia has not just stood by Catra, or supported her, she’s actively assisted her in her most villainous and destructive acts. Scorpia is fighting by Catra’s side, eagerly carrying out her orders, and doing her utmost to see that Catra succeeds. But her loyalty goes beyond this practical help. Because for all that Catra loudly declares that she doesn’t need a new best friend, she consistently seeks out connection throughout the show, even when she’s at her most isolated in season 4. She needs moral support, and connection, and to know that she isn’t alone. Scorpia provides that, and keeps Catra going. Though Scropia isn’t initiating Catra’s various misdeeds, she’s assisting and supporting Catra throughout. On a personal, psychological level, the only word that seems adequate for this is ‘ennabling’ - Scorpia, sweet as she is, is Catra’s enabler. We see in the next few episodes what happens when Catra doesn’t have Scorpia’s support - she breaks down, and realizes that her actions really do have consequences, and that the affection she took for granted for so many years is something she can’t live without. But as long as Scorpia’s still around, Catra can’t make that realization.

Now I’m not going to say that Scorpia is morally culpable for Catra’s own actions. She’s not. Catra is solely responsible for her various betrayals, manipulations, violent outbursts and assorted murder attempts against...most of the rest of the cast (though being raised by Shadow Weaver sure as shit is a mitigating factor). But while Catra is obviously being a bad friend to Scorpia throughout, Scorpia isn’t actually being as supportive or helpful to Catra as she thinks, because Catra doesn’t actually need unconditional support, she needs people to be honest with her and express to her how she’s hurting them. She needs people who will stand up for themselves just as she needs to take responsibility for her own actions. This is part of why she and Adora have such a healthy dynamic in season 5 - Adora doesn’t take her crap, and Catra takes responsibility for her crap.

However, Scorpia -is- responsible for her own actions. And as I said above, she’s been with Catra every step of the way as Catra has attacked just about everyone and made war on Etheria. On a larger, political level, Scorpia is a willing participant in upholding the Horde’s oppressive system, and executing a war of aggression and colonization against innocent people. Speaking of colonization, perversely, she’s loyal to the very organization that dispossessed her and literally stole her birthright, then discarded it like a useless trinket when it was no longer useful to them. No one ever suggests ‘why don’t we let Scorpia connect with ~her runestone~’ until Glimmer does (and Glimmer’s motivations and arguments aren’t exactly forthright). Scorpia’s loyalty makes her an accomplice in her own oppression (like a bunch of the themes in this show there’s some interesting post-colonial stuff that the show doesn’t fully explore, probably because Noelle and the crew felt self-conscious about telling a post colonial story, or just didn’t know where to go with it). Interestingly, Scorpia’s loyalty to the Horde here parallels her loyalty to Catra, which has made her completely disregard her own wellbeing, which is the most obvious take away from the episode.

But I would argue that everything above shows that for Scorpia loyalty has been a way of avoiding developing her own moral compass. Scorpia repeatedly shoves aside questions of right or wrong in favor of being loyal to her friends and to the Horde. Loyalty has made Scorpia not only willing to accept her own mistreatment, but to willingly mistreat others, and to keep herself from asking any hard questions about what she’s doing or why. This is despite the fact that Scorpia is, by inclination, an incredibly gentle, kind and compassionate person. She’s willing to silence the best parts of her nature out of loyalty to Catra and the Horde. In the end, she also commits acts of violence and perpetuates the oppression of Etheria. And this is so insightful, because we see this sort of thing in our world all the time. So many oppressive institutions depend upon the loyalty of their members to keep them ‘just following orders’; so many abusive systems depend upon loyalty to stifle dissent and silence potential whistleblowers before they even speak. We see this in some of the most oppressive institutions and the worst scandals in our own society, and looking back through human history we see it in some of our nation’s and our species' most infamous crimes.

And when we look at the Horde as a system that Hordak has built in imitation of his elder brother’s empire, we see just how central loyalty is an ethos. Hordak himself is motivated entirely by loyalty to Prime - being a former clone, he spends the entire series not fully capable of accepting himself as an autonomous being (even when he acts like one and enjoys it, there’s some fucked up religious shit there that I won’t get into). He seems to have instilled this in his followers. The Horde Trio, Catra and Scorpia all hold loyalty as one of their highest values. Catra clings to it as her biggest accusation against Adora - that she was disloyal, as expressed in Catra’s perception that Adora broke her promise and abandoned her. Loyalty keeps the Horde Trio together and fighting for the Horde, and Scorpia with Catra. I think we can read between the lines and say the Horde runs on loyalty (as well as fear) and this is a very insightful portrayal of oppressive military and paramilitary institutions like armies of conquest and occupation and other instruments of state violence.

There’s another, related way of looking at how a sole reliance on loyalty as a moral framework has stunted Scorpia’s moral growth, and I think that brings together both the ways that it makes Scorpia willing to accept her mistreatment and participate in the mistreatment of others. Namely, loyalty in the Horde style isn’t just sticking with someone or something, but subsuming your own will into theirs. Following orders. Supporting your friend in what they do no matter what. Whatever you call it, it’s about turning off your own self - your self preservation, your self respect, your conscience, whatever other things you value - and just going along with what the person or institution you are loyal to wants you to do. And this is where Horde loyalty goes full circle, back to its origin - Horde Prime, the narcissistic self-made god who wishes to control or destroy everything that is not himself. Loyalty as Hordak conceived of it and as the Horde believes in it is a reflection of Prime's absolute control over all his domain.

In a way, self-determination is one of this show’s highest values (together with love). It’s at the heart of Adora’s 5-season, 3 year struggle to become her own woman and her own hero as she shrugs off one imposed destiny and then another and finally embraces what she wants. In a more negative form, it’s at the heart of Catra’s arc, as she finally accepts responsibility for her own actions and their consequences and starts working to make a world that she actually wants to live in, as well as admit to herself that what she really wants is love. And I could go on. This self-determination is existentially, obviously threatened by Prime chipping people, but it is also stunted by horde-style loyalty that demands unquestioning support and obedience.

Both the Horde Trio and Scorpia reject the Horde’s ideal of loyalty and walk away, but I think it’s interesting how they do it. Neither rejects loyalty entirely (not on the way Adora does) - the Trio, realistically, remain loyal to each other and simply walk away and walk out of the war (this might save their lives), joining the other disillusioned cynics in the Crimson Wastes. They reject loyalty to the horde and embrace a more supportive and respectful form of loyalty to each other. Scorpia leaves, but she actually comes to her crisis and makes her decision out of loyalty, and because it’s clear that her loyalty isn’t returned. The immediate situation - loyalty to Emily and Entrapta’s memory on one hand and Catra’s orders on the others - creates the conflict between loyalties that forces Scorpia to actually make her own choice rather than deferring to Catra. But she also reflects how Catra betrayed her loyalty to Entrapta, and thus how all of her friends’ loyalty to Catra is not returned.This is another point about horde-style loyalty - it’s one way - Hordak or Catra will demand your loyalty, but they feel no obligation to return it, which reflects Prime’s view of every other being in the universe as disposable. It’s only when she’s with the Princesses that Scorpia starts to find a new moral center, though sticking up for and protecting her friends remains important to her. In neither case, though, are these kinds of loyalty coming at the cost of either the Trio or Scorpia’s autonomy or ability to make moral choices of their own. In the very next episode, she says she wants to 'be A good friend' which is how the Princesses typically describe sticking together, which is a much more active and holistic concept than 'loyalty'. Scorpia confesses that she doesn't even know how, but she wants to learn and thinks the princesses can teach her.

There's another interesting counterexample to Horde Loyalty. Adora repeatedly breaks with the people around her to do what is right. First she leaves the Horde, then walks away from Catra by stages when it is clear that Catra is going to continue to harm other people and Etheria. Then she walks away from Glimmer, defies Light Hope and breaks loyalty with her supposed destiny and purposes as well as loyalty to the homelans she has never known. By season 5, Adora is loyal only to herself and the people she cares about, but she isn't constraining her will to anyone else's. For all that she seems like a rule follower Adora has a rebellious streak a mile wide, and she will do what is right, no matter what. This is what allows her to save the universe 3 times.

So the show’s argument is that loyalty is not a good moral framework to base all of our actions around. I don’t think it goes so far as saying that loyalty has no place in our ethics (being a good friend, which is such a huge part of the show, certainly includes loyalty, especially sticking with people when the going gets tough), but the show stresses time and again that being loyal to something or someone shouldn’t make you disregard yourself and what you think is right. Because it’s only by living out our own values and taking responsibility for our own actions that we can come into our own as moral beings. Moreover, if we insist on maintaining loyalty to institutions that oppress us and others, we can’t dismantle the systems of oppression that are holding us and other people down. (Yes, this is a pretty radical message, but I suspect that Noelle is some kind of anarchist? Anyway, it’s a thing.)

Okay, so that’s what I, a 35 year old, get from this kids show. I think it’s also worth pointing out that this lesson applies to younger viewers too, in their most immediate lives. Younger viewers will have had friends who didn’t treat them well, or might not have treated other people well, and who might have pressured them into participating in the mistreatment of others (this is kind of how bullying works a lot of the time). I think it’s important that younger viewers see how being a good friend never means disrespecting yourself or other people and it means a lot to me that She-Ra shows this in such a nuanced and realistic way.

#she ra #she ra spoilers #spop #she ra netflix #she ra and the princesses of power #meta #analysis #scorpia

[elizabeethan]

Watch The Sunlight Fade: 3 / 18

Emma Swan finds out that her boyfriend has been hiding something from her: he’s in a gang and trying to get out. Reluctantly, she decides to support him, sticking it out with him until they have enough money to flee to Florida. All she has to do is wait and ignore that feeling in her gut that something is seriously wrong. With the help of a kind and handsome stranger, she just might make it out alive.

Or, alternate summary: I’m horrible at summaries, please just read it.

Something of a cross between a What Still Remains AU and a Sons of Anarchy AU.

A/N: You may have noticed a chapter count! It’s subject to change, but I’ve outlined the whole story and have written halfway through chapter 12, so we’re getting there, friends. Reminder to check warnings and tags and message me if you have questions. There will be depictions of violence, domestic violence, very very brief discussions of non-con (kind of) and psychological abuse throughout this story.

Rated M

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Read on Ao3

~~~~

The door to his apartment slams behind her as she stumbles in, the alcohol in her veins obviously taking over as he helps to steady her. “Easy,” he warns, hand on her waist as he guides her towards the guest room. 

 “You’re not gonna let me stay in bed with you, big guy?” she slurs, giving him a flirty smile. 

 “No, love,” he answers softly. “You need rest.”

 With a giggle, she answers, “I get paid to have sex with people. Shouldn’t you be flattered that I’m soliciting you?”

 “Tink,” he laughs, “I am very flattered. But you need to go to bed.”

 “I can still give you a good time even though I’m drunk, you know,” she promises, letting her fingers dance along the lapels of his jacket. 

 “I know that, love. I just think… perhaps it’s time to… bring this arrangement to a close.”

She pouts, her bottom lip popping out and her brows furrowing. “Something I said?” she asks. 

 With a slight shake to his head, he smiles shyly down at her and brushes a wayward strand of her honey locks out of her eye. “No, but perhaps we can finish this tomorrow morning when you’re sober?”

 Tink shrugs, letting her heavy kids fall closed and turning around to stumble down the hall. “It’s okay,” she says as she finds the doorknob. “I know it’s that blonde girl.”

 “Liv…” he starts, although he isn’t sure where he’s going as he begins to speak. It’s not the blonde girl, not really. Although he felt a connection to her from the moment he saw her, he also knows that his and Tink’s fling is just that: a fling. It can’t last, and while he likes her well enough, he thinks it unfair to continue on with something to which he isn’t fully dedicated. “It’s not you.” 

 She snorts and nods her head lazily, letting it flop a bit too freely on her neck. “It’s not you, it’s me. I get it.” 

 “Hey,” he tries again, giving her a soft smile as he tucks away the same defiant strand of her hair. “I’ll always be here for you, you know that. I’ll always have love for you.”

 “Yeah,” she smiles with a soft blush, her lids looking heavier and heavier with each passing moment. “I love you, too, bud. It was probably a bad idea to sleep with your best friend anyway.” 

 “I’m not sleeping with Robin,” he deadpans, knowing with certainty that it’ll draw a hearty laugh from her. She pushes against his shoulder with more force that she was likely expecting and turns around to open the door to his guest room. 

 “You dolt.” Once she’s in the room, just as she’s about to shut the door behind her, she spins quickly to face him once more. “By the way, you’re a total idiot if you go after her.” 

 “Bloody hell, not you too,” he complains as he scratches behind his ear. 

 “She belongs to Cassidy and you know it. You know what’ll happen if you pursue her.” 

 “Aye, that’s why I have no intention of doing so. Now, go to bed, Olivia.” 

 “Ooh,” she fakes a shudder, “full name; I must've been naughty.” 

 “Aye, you were. Goodnight, love.” 

 “Night, KJ.” 

 He listens to her giggle as she stumbles through the room, one she’s stayed in countless times before. She’s right; they probably never should’ve started their affair in the first place. Sleeping with your best friend is bound to end badly. But they understand each other, each of them here with hardly a choice on whether they stay or go. It isn’t as if they’re being held against their will, but the implication is that they’ll seriously regret it if they try to leave, one way or another. They simply both took comfort in knowing that someone else felt as they did. 

 He’s about to go to bed himself, ready to rid himself of the guilt that came along with the events of the day, but he pauses as he walks by his front door just in time to hear a resounding thud coming from across the hall. He panics and swings his own door open when he hears the terrified cry in response. He heard something earlier today that sounded exactly like that terrified cry. 

 Rushing over to Neal’s apartment, he places his hand on the knob and presses his ear to the door. He doesn’t want to burst in with haste since he has no idea what he actually heard, and the door must be locked anyway. But he can’t help but recall the image of her pressed to the door looking horrified, two knives on either side of her throat. He can’t get the look in her eyes out of his head. 

 There aren’t anymore sounds resonating from the apartment, silence falling over him as he attempts to listen out for signs of trouble. After a moment, all he hears are soft, painful sobs coming from the other side of the door. 

 ~~~~

 It’s surprisingly even more terrifying to be in the shop during the day than it was at night. At least when she was here last night, the shadows kept the frightening details of the space hidden, but now that the sun is up and streaming through the small basement windows, she’s able to see too much. 

 She can see the aged and worn paint on the walls, giving her an automatic and infallible feeling of unease. She can see the decorative weapons proudly displayed on every inch of every wall. She can see the rugged violence on each of the men’s faces so clearly in the sunlight. Being here terrifies her. 

 “Morning, Miss Swan,” Peter greets as Neal leads her into the large meeting room. He’s already sitting at the table waiting for them, Gold at his right and two empty seats to his left. There are several other members at the table as well, and she can’t help but notice how bright Killian’s eyes look in the sun streaming through the windows. “Welcome to your first real family meeting.” 

 The others around the table laugh, everyone but Jones seeming to find his joke about her near death experience to be funny. “Aren’t you going to say hello?” Neal asks in her ear, his voice low and his teeth clearly clenched. 

 She clears her throat and gives Peter the fakest smile she can muster. “Good morning.”

 “That’s a good lass,” he praises, setting free a flock of anxious butterflies in her stomach. “Come sit. We saved you a seat by Neal.” 

 They sit side by side, and it’s becoming easier and easier to question his ranking within the group of men at the table. She finds it impossible to see him as a simple lackey when his name is carved into the table in intricate lettering in front of his chair, directly to the left of Peter's seat at the head. 

 There are talks of their plans, and she gathers some information easily while they seem to go to great lengths to keep other things hidden from her based on the threatening glances Peter doles out from time to time. There’s a trip coming up, and it’s automatically assumed that Neal will be going with Peter and Gold will be staying behind, as if this arrangement was made and agreed upon a lifetime ago. Once the other attendees are determined, Peter turns to face her and gives her a smile. 

 “Now, a job for you, my dear. Neal tells us you have a talent in finding people.” 

 “She can find anyone,” Neal says proudly, referring to her short stint as a bail bondsperson back when she lived in Boston. When she had met Neal after he witnessed her taking down a skip, he took her under his wing and told her she didn’t have to live such a dangerous lifestyle anymore. “Well, almost anyone.” 

 Her stomach flips at his hint; at his willingness to bring up one of the most painful memories she has. She’s great at finding people, but in 25 years, she still hasn’t been able to find her parents. 

 Pan hums. “We can look past a few failed attempts. What we need from you now, Emma, is your skillset to find a certain someone who deserted our cause.”

 She gulps. “You want me to hunt down someone who doesn’t agree with you?” 

 “No love,” he laughs, and Neal’s grip on her hand tightens just a notch. “I want you to find someone who has valuable information and won’t hesitate to hand it over to a rival.” Emma bites her lip in thought, concern likely colored across her face. She hadn’t considered the existence of a rival gang before this moment, and she becomes frightened to think of there being more than one set of men like them. The thought that another gang is out there and considers themselves rivals to The Lost Boys means she’s potentially putting herself in even more danger by becoming associated with them. What will another gang do to the girlfriend of one of their rival’s members, especially a member whom she suspects is higher up in the rankings than he’s letting on? 

 “It’s not lost on me that you’re feeling uncomfortable here, Emma. The tension between you and Neal is perfectly palpable. But I’d implore you to let go of your fears; no one here will harm you. We’re here to protect you. By simply being associated with Neal, you have the protection of everyone in this club. And I’m sure it makes perfect sense that we would expect something of you in return for our unquestioning devotion to your safety.” 

 Although something about his words makes her suspicious, she suddenly feels a sense of strength at his claim that she’s a part of the group now. It’s as if he’s telling her that her thoughts and opinions matter, so she makes a bold choice and speaks up. “Can I clarify something?” she asks. 

 “Of course.” 

 “What are you protecting me from, exactly?” 

 Peter smirks and shakes his head, giving Neal a look that she can’t quite read. “I suppose Neal hasn’t informed you of how dangerous a place this world can be for a woman like you, Miss Swan. Your love for Neal makes you a target, as does Neal’s love for you. By falling for him, you’ve also fallen into our world. And because we’re so devoted to what you have to offer, we will protect you from everyone who may want to hurt Neal.” 

 “Just because I can find people pretty easily?” she asks doubtfully. His explanation isn’t making any sense to her. She can’t rectify in her head how loving Neal can equate to requiring constant protection, especially based on his claim that he’s going to be leaving soon. 

 “No, Emma,” he laughs condescendingly, as if he were talking to a child who couldn’t handle the truth. She wonders if he’s right. “Worry not; all will make sense to you as time goes by. For now, let's get started with your first assignment. Hook, show the lady to her office.” 

 ~~~~

 “Most sites are blocked here,” he explains as he powers up the old desktop, groaning softly as he stands again. “You’ll likely run into trouble if you try to find him on Facebook or anything.” 

 “Why?” she asks, and although she immediately regrets opening her mouth, the look he gives her feels more amused than anything. 

 “Why?” 

 “Um… why are they blocked?” 

 He breathes out a laugh, shaking his head and looking away from her once he notices that the computer has booted up. “To keep you out of trouble, I suppose.” 

 She bites her bottom lip, squeezing her fists until she feels the sting of her nails digging into her palm. She isn’t sure that, in the last day since she’s come here, she’s been kept out of trouble at all. She’s been in trouble-- in danger-- since she heard those bikes pulling up behind her and Neal. 

 “Right,” she says softly, sarcastically, and again, she kicks herself for opening her mouth. She wonders what would have happened to her by now if she was with anyone but Jones in this moment. 

 “Love,” he starts, his voice soft and tender, and she almost wonders if he intends to step close to her. Perhaps he means to comfort her. “I’m--” he clears his throat, “If you need anything…” 

 Their eyes meet, and it’s like the first time again. His azure stare bores into her in a way that makes her shudder, but not out of fear this time. She feels seen, understood, and while it’s only been a day since her traumatic greeting from the club, it feels like a lifetime since she’s felt a sense of safety. It feels comforting to meet his gaze, and she suddenly lets her breathing steady and her heart rate settle. “Thank you,” she whispers genuinely. She isn’t sure how she could relay it to him if she does need something, but the way he looks at her tells her that he’ll know. 

 For the first time since she’s been here, her safety appears to be a priority to someone. Relief washes over her and she lets it, despite knowing that it will dissipate the moment he walks out the door.

 ~~~~

 “How’s it goin’ in here, my little worker bee?”

 She looks up from the computer she’s been staring at, met by Neal leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed. The dinosaur she’s working on is hardly functioning, most sites she’s tried blocked and inaccessible and the speed at which it loads each page almost painful. After almost a week of working on the assignment they’ve given her, she’s found almost nothing.

 “Hi,” she mumbles, turning back to the screen. All they had given her was a name and a last known location, and she’s struggling to find more.

 “Doing alright?”

 “I can’t find much,” she says. 

 “You’ll find him; you’re smart. I wonder if that’s genetic,” he says with a laugh and a smirk in her direction. She isn’t sure what he means or how to respond, so she simply smiles somewhat awkwardly and moves on. She refuses to let herself wonder if this is another dig at her for being parentless. 

 “It just feels impossible. This guy, Graham… are you sure he even exists?” she jokes. 

 He laughs, but it’s forced and she doesn't detect a genuine smile. “Are you doubting Peter?” 

 Emma looks up at him, meeting his eyes with confusion colored in her own. “No,” she starts, although she isn’t sure if she’s being truthful in her answer. “It’s just…”

 Neal shoves away from the door and slinks closer to her, bending at his knees and squatting until his eyes meet her level. “Ems,” he starts, his hand landing on hers and applying what she thinks is meant to be a comforting amount of pressure. “Don’t start.” 

 “What…?” 

 He groans and leans away from her. “It's not a damn secret that you aren’t happy to be here. I need you to be better about that.” 

 She lets her jaw hang open for a bit longer than she means to, shock taking over her as he confirms what she’s been suspecting since the meeting she attended. “Neal,” she starts, “you’re the one who said you want to get out. You said we could leave after a few weeks.” 

 “And?” 

 “Uh… and… it’s been a week and you don’t seem like you’re… I mean… it seems like you're happy here.” 

 “So what?” 

 “What do you-- so what? You said we were leaving and now it’s like they're your family!” 

 Neal stands quickly, spinning from her in exasperation as he thrusts his hands into his hair. “You’re being so-- stop judging me! What do you even have to complain about?! They’re being nothing but nice to you. You have a home now, I feed you, I love you, we protect you… I don’t get what your damn problem is!” 

 “The knives, Neal!” she shouts, unable to hold back the emotional response to his nonsensical claims. “You threw knives at my head!” 

 There's a loud smack against the desk she sits at, and she’s brought back to the reality of her experience and out of the false sense of control that she let herself believe she had. She has to force herself to move on from the thought that she and Neal are able to have a conversation. When she looks down to where his hand met the surface, she sees his gun held beneath his palm. She pales. 

 “It’s time to move on,” he hisses quietly, his voice taking over the silence of the room. It’s another threat. Another convenient way to show her that he has power over her. That he can take everything away from her, even her life, in a second if she gives him a reason to. “You weren’t in danger, baby,” he says, his voice more soothing this time, drawing from her that feeling again. The feeling that she’s overreacting. “I had it under control, remember?” he asks, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

 She sighs heavily at the feeling of his lips tracing along her jaw until he reaches her neck. “You did?” she asks weakly. With his sudden change in demeanor, his obvious desire not to make her feel unsafe anymore, she feels something shift between them. 

 “Of course I did; don’t be stupid. You know I did.” 

 It feels good, she lets herself realize. As her eyes slip closed and a soft breath escapes her lips, she makes herself relax into his touch. With her sense of sight cut off, she feels herself giving in to his touch in favor of feeling some sense of relaxation after a week of hypervigilance. His rough stubble scratches at her skin, something she normally doesn’t like, but right now, she doesn’t think she minds too much. With her eyes shut, the rest of the world closed off from her mind, she thinks she could appreciate some stubble. 

 She feels the smooth leather of his sleeve under her fingertips and she likes it. Sure, she’s always thought the leather jackets were sexy, but here and now, something about him in it becomes more appealing. But when his hand creeps up her waist, his touch a bit too rough, too domineering, she flinches. 

 “Shh,” he hisses softly, attempting to soothe her. “It’s alright.” 

 At the sound of his voice, something snaps within her and she stiffens. It sounds wrong, she realizes. “Wait,” she murmurs as his hand creeps under her shirt. 

 He breathes out a disbelieving laugh. “Seriously?”

 “I just,” she starts, nervous as he pushes away. “We’re… I mean, we’re here.” She gestures around the room, hopeful that her discomfort at the thought of sleeping with him in this office where anyone could walk in is clear. 

 “Right. So when we get home, you’ll be more than willing?” he asks doubtfully, rolling his eyes. 

 “Neal,” she begs softly, unsure of where she went wrong. She’s unsure of how she could have messed this up when she was the one to express her own discomfort. “Please.” 

 “Please,” he mimics, his voice rising in pitch. “I’ll see you in a week.” 

 With that, confusing words exchanged between them, he’s out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him. 

@courtorderedcake​​​​ @kmomof4​​​​ @stahlop​​​​ @klynn-stormz​​​​ @laschatzi​​​​ @emelizabeth88​​​​ @lfh1226-linda​​​​ @kday426​​​​ @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story​​​​ @captain-emmajones​​​​ @gingerpolyglot​​​​​ @ebcaver​​​​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​​​​ @teamhook​​​​​ @superchocovian​​​​​ @itsfabianadocarmo​​​​​ @tiganasummertree​​​​​ @gingerchangeling​​​​​ @jrob64​​​​​ @onceratheart18​​​​​ @xhookswenchx​​​​​ @winterbaby89​​​​​ @swampmedusa​​​​​ @ultraluckycatnd​​​​​ @dancingnancyy​​​​​ @love-with-you-i-have-everything​​​​​ @shireness-says​​​​​ @snowbellewells​​​​​ @hollyethecurious​​​​​ @ouatpost​​​​​ @daxx04​​​​​ @the-darkdragonfly​​​​​ @donteattheappleshook​​​​​ @therooksshiningknight @eeteeaytay​​​​​ @xsajx​​​​​ @itsfridaysomewhere​​​​​ @alexa-fangirl-forever​​​​​ @jonesfandomfanatic​​​​​ @wefoundloveunderthelight​​​​​ @qualitycoffeethings​​​​​ @rapunzelsghosts​​​​​ @spaceconveyor @badcats-andmice​​​​​ @batana54​​​​ @sailtoafarawayland​​ @deckerstarblanche​​ @zaharadessert​​ @xarandomdreamx @pirateprincessofpizza

#Watch the Sunlight fade #Sunlight ff #captain swan fanfic #captain swan angst #cs ff #gang au #captain swan au #modern au #angst with a happy ending #tw: domestic violence

[myaekingheart]

Thoughts on Writing Trauma in [Fan]Fiction

For some reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about the inclusion of trauma in fiction, namely fanfiction. It’s one of those things that so often pops up in fic but just because it’s done often doesn’t necessarily mean it’s done well. I feel like this is especially true for writing original characters.

Precursory trigger warning for speaking about, you know, trauma (suicide, self harm, eating disorders, death, etc.) in depth. As you can probably already predict from the title. Full text under the cut for brevity’s sake. 

Traumatic experiences and backstories are like this rite of passage in fanfiction. Most everyone’s earliest original characters are always given the most heartbreaking, terrible backstories possible because we, as authors, think that that will make our readers more sympathetic to them. I say this as someone who is definitely guilty of this myself. And this is all well and good--some of the most popular mainstream characters come from terrible backstories. It can help explain why characters do what they do and act the way that they act when they are first introduced in a story, and provide space to allow them to grow and evolve throughout the plot (for better or for worse). 

I think the issue in giving a character a traumatic backstory, however, lies in the way that this is presented. So often I feel like tragic backstories are used to try and force readers to empathize with and love a character. It’s the almost overbearing sense of “please love me” that I think can cheapen the effect of this developmental tactic. You can’t force an audience to love a character and laying it on thick with why the audience should love your character often seems to do the exact opposite. Readers don’t like to be told what to do or what to think or who to root for. Your character has to prove that they are worth rooting for, or not, based on the way that their past influences their present and the fate of their future. A character who was neglected by their parents as a child is obviously going to be desperate for affection, but think about how it makes them desperate. Do they find themselves constantly in abusive relationships because they are willing to take whatever they can get from whoever will dish out “love” to them, regardless of whether it’s healthy or not? Or because they find comfort in a sense of abuse based on past experiences? Or in contrast, do they push everyone away because they are terrified of letting themselves be loved and opening themselves up to getting hurt again? I know every writing class ever always harps on the “show, don’t tell” but this is one case where I feel like it’s really important. Readers are not stupid. We don’t need to be told straightforward why a character is doing what they’re doing, and sometimes laying everything about a characters past out from the get-go can even dampen the allure of your character. Let the readers learn about the character at the same pace that they would let someone else learn about them. Human beings don’t give away their entire life story in one sitting, and your character shouldn’t, either. 

Not only are traumatic backstories so common in fiction, but so are traumatic plotlines. It’s fun to put your characters through hell! It’s fun to break them down and see them at their lowest, when they are left with nothing. After all, conflict is the gasoline which fuels the car of your story and sometimes you never really know what a character is capable of until you break them. I feel like the most symbolic and succinct way to describe this is through that quote “Your characters are like geodes. If you want to see what they're really made of, you have to break them.” However, trauma is a tricky subject. There is a fine line between being authentic and meaningful in dissecting traumatic experiences and laying it on too heavy for the sake of being edgy. I feel like that’s another mistake so many early writers make: feeling as if you have to put your character through ten layers of hell in order for the audience to care about them, too. But this is a dangerous game and trauma is a very personal thing. You don’t want to write insensitively about something very significant at the risk of alienating or even maddening the communities that have personal experience with whatever trauma you’re exploring--if you haven’t experienced it yourself, too, that is. I am a huge supporter of using fiction as catharsis for coping with and processing trauma and anything else troubling that you as a writer may be dealing with, and every situation is different so of course your specific experience will not fit everyone’s narrative of how that trauma may transpire. And if you have been through this sort of thing personally, of course you can be trusted with writing candidly and authentically about it because those are your experiences and no one can steal those from you! You deserve to approach the subject in whatever manner you feel is best for both the story and your own mental wellbeing. For those aiming to write about trauma that they don’t have personal experience with, however, it is so important to write these scenarios with respect. Please do your research, read personal accounts and familiarize yourself with all the ins and outs of what you’re aiming to write. Read up on what it’s like to attempt suicide, what happens after a failed suicide attempt or self harm gone wrong, what to do when you suffer a miscarriage, what grief feels like, what a panic attack feels like, the challenges that chronically ill people face every day and the things that can go wrong when we have flare-ups or are not given the accessibility we need. Don’t trigger yourself, of course, but make sure you are well informed so that you can write trauma in a way that is respectful and authentic. 

I am also not going to sit here and tell you not to stack trauma onto a character in a story. I know that life happens and sometimes multiple bad things pile up all at once. Fiction is no different and it’s certainly not uncommon to see a string of bad things befall a character in a story, either. The thing that is important to consider with this, however, is not only respect and authenticity but the way in which these sorts of things would realistically affect someone. The domino effect should feel believable.

For example: character A gets a phone call that character B, their best friend and love of their life, has unexpectedly been killed. This is a traumatic experience enough on it’s own, and the story deserves to explore this character’s consequent grief as they try to navigate their life with this massive hole in their heart now. Perhaps the last thing that character B told character A was something about unwavering support for A in the pursuit of their lifelong dream, something that holds weight and that the grief of losing B can serve as both an obstacle and a motivator for achieving. Familiarize yourself with the after effects and symptoms of mourning in order to write character A’s grief as authentic. Say, for example, they are having trouble sleeping. They are constantly tired but can never fall asleep when they want. They are driving somewhere a few days later and begin dozing off at the wheel. They subsequently get into a nasty car accident. Character A ends up in the hospital with severe but not life-threatening injuries--injuries that completely erase any and all hope of character A ever achieving their dream. What does this loss feel like? How heavy is the betrayal in their chest after having felt so determined to fight against the grief weighing them down in order to accomplish their goals for the sake of character B’s memory? Consider the emotions. Consider the anger and the hopelessness and the depression. Consider what your character decides to do about this. Consider how your character attempts to cope. Perhaps they turn to self harm. Perhaps they feel that the only way that they can manage the pain that they feel is by cutting. Maybe they even think that if they make themselves bleed, it will give an outlet for all of the pain that’s stirred up inside of them. Maybe they even feel as if that pain is deserved, as if everything is their fault (whether it realistically is or not). Maybe they revel in the pain, maybe it becomes the only thing that keeps them sane even if they logically understand that this is unhealthy and dangerous. And maybe their emotions get the better of them and they accidentally take things too far. They accidentally attempt suicide and wake up in the very same hospital they were in when they got into the car accident. The very same hospital where character B was also pronounced dead. Focus on what this means for the character and the story. We as the audience should be able to understand why this character felt like it was necessary to do what they did and what they were feeling in the moment of having made that decision, as well as how having failed will influence and effect them moving forward. That progression should be clear and visible, it should be easy for the audience to track and follow the plot of. 

And while writing trauma can be fun and interesting, on the same note of authenticity it is also important to ensure that we are not glorifying trauma, either. We should not be presenting these situations as fabulous deaths and drama. Trauma is a very real and very heavy thing that should be handled with care for the sake of respecting both the characters and the readers. Readers who have gone through similar trauma should not feel as if their struggles are being written as a joke or not taken seriously. They should be able to empathize with the character even if the struggles presented in the story do not exactly mirror their own. Like I said before, the trauma should be believable. And readers who do not have experience with these subjects should not feel inspired by the trauma itself. It is one thing to present a character who is perseverant despite their setbacks, who pushes forward even when it would be easier to quit, and even when they want to quit, but it is another thing entirely to present a character who glamourizes these struggles. A character with an eating disorder should not be seen as an aspiration for thinness and a character who self harms should not be seen as “edgy” and “cool” for hurting themselves. If we are going to write about trauma, we should accept the responsibility that comes with writing subjects in a way that is respectful and authentic rather than glamourizing trauma.

We as writers, however, should not accept the responsibility of censoring ourselves for the sake of a reader’s preference, by the way. We can include trigger warnings and tags all we want, and I think we ought to for the sake of being responsible and letting our readers know exactly what kind of story they are getting into, but that’s just the thing. The reader should know what kind of story they are getting into, but if they click on something with explicit warnings/tags that they know are going to trigger them and continue reading anyway then that is on them and not us. We should not have to completely omit trauma and other taboo/sensitive subjects from our writing for the sake of purity culture. 

And on one more note in terms of the inclusion of trauma in fiction itself, also consider how a character’s trauma affects the people around them. How does a character’s suicide attempt affect their best friend? Does their mother recognize their disordered eating behavior? Is their mother the reason behind their disordered eating behavior? Does the character’s love interest cock a brow at them wearing a hoodie in summer and grow curious as to what they’re hiding? And even more: how do the people around your character influence or inspire or motivate them to get better? Or not? Are they steadfastly loyal and determined to help your character through their pain? Or do they feel as if it is not their responsibility to shoulder your character’s burdens and they would rather exit from their life completely? Your character does not exist in a vacuum, so it is important to consider not just the way in which they respond to the world around them because of their trauma, but also the way in which the world responds to them because of their trauma. Let your character exist in conversation with their universe and their social circle. Let your character’s trauma barge in and create a big, looming, unwelcome presence. Let your character work through their trauma in a way that feels believable, and let the people in your character’s life respond to that in a way that feels believable, too. 

Overall, just approach trauma with respect and authenticity. Create characters that feel real and believable. Don’t try to force your audience to love your character but rather work to create a character that is dimensional and messy like real people. Let your audience learn your character in the same way that we learn about other people in real life. Let their past trauma influence the way they act in the present and the way they exist within their world and among the people in their life. Do your research, be candid and honest, and above all handle with care. 

*Note that I am of course not the end all be all and I do not consider myself some sort of wealth of writing knowledge. I am only writing based on my own personal experiences and things I’ve gleaned from both college-level creative writing courses as well as both reading and writing fiction, specifically fanfiction, for years. 

#idk man i've just been thinking a lot about this all day #tw: trauma #awesome things to refer to #writing #writing stuff #meta #ramblings

[luxfurem]

@treppenwitzz​​ asked: i need all the deets about your bellatrix... ALSO ANJI i wanna know more about anji | MEME.

So... this ended up really long and therefore it’s under the cut! I sort of left out the “who they could get along with” part but I also feel like that really just depends on verses and such, so we can totally discuss that sometime  🥺🥺🥺

Bellatrix Lestrange

TW for mentions of alcohol, abuse, death and miscarriage

TROPES/ARCHETYPES: The Champion, Femme Fatale

Bellatrix is the very first muse that I officially wrote on indie, but also a muse that I’ve explored in the many group rps I’ve been in in the years before that. Because of that, she’s been through a lot of changing and tweaking over the years, but I like what I’ve got going for her now.

I’m absolutely a big fan of villain characters and I support the humanizing of them because in my mind, it is all the more terrifying that a villain could like the same things as you, could be like you, but be capable of such terrible things. I think it creates a frightening perspective that’s the quiet sort of terrifying, and it’s what I aim to do with Bella. I wanted to create a villainous woman who is powerful without being sorry for it.

I do want to stress that a villain doesn’t necessarily become worthy or deserving of pity or redemption because their story contains sad aspects. In the end, everyone encounters terrible and sad things in life, and it’s what you do with these experiences that matters. If you become bitter or vengeful, that is a decision, and the consequences of however you decide to treat the world after are not cancelled out because of the reason why you became this way.

On the one hand, she is this terrifyingly powerful witch who, despite her comparatively young age, climbed up the ranks of the death eaters to the position of lieutenant at Voldemort’s side, but on the other she is someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s wife. I wanted to explore how these two aspects of her story intertwine, or, in some cases, clash.

My Bella is a bit canon-divergent in that I absolutely refuse to write a woman who’s completely submissive to a man, especially one that doesn’t deserve it. Of course, I don’t want to stray too far from her original arc in that I still believe she’s absolutely starstruck by Voldemort, but she is more interested in his abilities, his mind and his cunning than she is in him as a partner. It’s a different kind of infatuation, where she isn’t all too sure if she wants him or wants to BE him. In time, she settles with neither, and becomes his champion, instead. She’s a knight under his banner, a soldier under his command.

Much of Bella’s arc comes down to a dominant woman living in a society that doesn’t like dominant women. Pureblood circles are catered to the pureblood man, whereas the woman’s job, much like in societies of previous eras, is to bear a husband's children to continue the pureblood line. It’s a crude and sexist thing, and Bella wants none of it. From a young age, she rebels against her father’s firm beliefs in the way things are supposed to be, and rebels against her mother’s attempts to “guide” her back to how she’s supposed to be. She’s the feral child with the holes in her dresses, the scrapes on her legs from climbing trees and running too fast. Her long hair always tangled and messy. She knows that as a girl in the Black family, the highest achievement would have been to become matriarch, but even that wasn’t ever going to be enough for Bella.

When her mother dies, about two years after the birth of Narcissa, the matriarch of the Black family, Walburga, takes over the role for a short amount of time while her father drinks his grief away. After Sirius is born, however, even this steadiness falls away, as their aunt spends her full time caring for him and the second son, Regulus, born a year after. This leaves Bella to assume responsibility for her sisters at the age of 8. Her fights with her father, their temperaments going head to head resulting in situations I don’t really care to divulge about.

Once accepted into Hogwarts is where things start to divert. From one day to the next, her previously always messy hair is neatly combed back into a braid. Her clothes are pristine, not a spot in sight, and her sharp commentary is kept to a minimum. To all those around her, it seemed she had finally heeded her mother’s wishes, and embraced her place in society. But to those who knew her well enough, to her sisters and to her cousins, there was a stubborn fire burning behind those crow-black eyes, burning higher and brighter the more time passed. It was only a matter of time until the fire either consumed her, or consumed those around her.

It was at the age of 17, during her last year at Hogwarts, that Bellatrix was introduced to the Dark Lord. She’d seen him before, of course, but the Black family had stoically kept their stance on the matter of his campaign neutral, although this wouldn’t last. Her fiance-to-be, Rodolphus, who was a few years her senior, had already joined the ranks, and Voldemort’s actions could no longer be brushed off as a mere whim by the family. And Bella, who desired more than the life of a housewife, saw this as an opportunity to lift herself up.

I want to stress that I, as both a Tom Riddle and Bellatrix writer, don’t think their dynamic was of a romantic or lustful nature at all at this point in time, if ever. Voldemort saw the fire and the potential, and decided that he wanted both of these things for himself, for his ranks. She exceeded expectations and he decided that, if anyone was worthy to be his student, it was her. Over the course of the next two years, he trained her in the dark arts, eventually revealing her, at the age of nineteen, to be his new lieutenant. This was met with some resistance, of course. but Bella was quick to silence that. After all, she had risen above her station, and it had taken effort. She was not about to lose that to a bunch of butthurt men.

It’s also around this time that she marries Rodolphus, whom she puts through the ringer for months before and even post-marriage. She hated the idea of being passed from one man (her father) to another (her husband), as if she is nothing more than a possession. The marriage was arranged, and this bothered her, too, considering her lack of choice in the matter. And because she couldn’t exactly fight her father on it, she fought Rodolphus instead. On every turn, hoping he would be turned off and cancel it. After all, a man’s voice, even if he was only an heir, and not patriarch, still sounded louder than a woman’s voice ever would. But it only seemed to invigorate him, pulling closer the more she pushed. As if he were attracted to the fire, wanted to scorch himself just to stand in the light. He never forced her and he never would, even as she refused to let him into their marriage bed for months, even as she taunted him and ridiculed him. The marriage, in time, seemed to grant her a certain freedom that she never had as a daughter of house Black. She could go where she pleased, do as she pleased, pursue her position among the death eaters as she wanted to. She lost her wariness towards him, her anger. And eventually, she learned to love him.

Bellatrix used to be closest to her sister Andromeda. The two of them were, for a long time, practically inseparable, two halves of a whole. It was as if they should have been twins, and what one lacked, the other would possess. Where one went, you could soon expect the other to be. That was, of course, until Andromeda defected. When she did, Bella’s whole world collapsed. Her castle was captured from the inside, by sadness, by grief and by anger at the deceit. Because Andromeda hadn’t chosen her. Had chosen a “filthy mudblood” instead of her own sister, who had always cared for her, always been there for her. If Bella had had a mean streak, before, it was now full blown, a riptide that would destroy everything and everyone that didn’t get out of her way. She was devastated by the loss, and would never quite recover from it. This event had a huge impact on her view on muggleborns. Whereas before she allowed herself a certain tolerance, where she still viewed herself as holier than but limited her disdain to snooty looks and haughty comments, she now was actively hostile, threatening and garnering a reputation among the ranks of the death eaters for her ruthless, cruel actions.

During her marriage, Bella was pregnant exactly 4 times, but all 4 pregnancies ended up miscarriages fairly early on. It’s my belief that her problems stem from the inbreeding within the family and the English pureblood society in general. Contrary to her other beliefs on the woman in pureblood society, she was interested in being a mother and had the motherly instinct to go with it. Her not being capable of bearing children left her feeling devastated and hardened her heart. In AUs where she does have children, whether of her own or adopted, she develops a sort of caution, a knowledge that she isn’t just responsible for herself, but for this child as well. In these AUs, it keeps her out of Azkaban.

Speaking of Azkaban, I usually don’t write about her time there or really post-Azkaban, and this is mostly because I hate the narrative that she’s “crazy”, and I think it’s harmful towards people who have mental health problems. I believe, due to how Azkaban’s dementors suck the happiness out of people and how Azkaban looks like hell on earth, she suffers from a form of PTSD, but she is not “crazy”.

A few loose facts about her:

is bisexual but leans towards men

loves to write poetry, but she never shows it to anyone.

has a very low tolerance for alcohol and barely drinks.

loves coffee and can’t function without drinking it every morning

is obsessed with taking care of her hair. It’s long and dark and very well-maintained

loves to wear red lipstick

forced herself to learn to use her wand with both her left and her right hand

Anji Terryll

TROPES/ARCHETYPES: The Antihero, The Living Legend, The Reluctant Hero

Anji is actually one of my older muses, who doesn’t see the light of day often because I suppose the Skyrim fandom is sort of dead. On top of that, she’s a female oc. i don’t think i’ll need to explain this. Regardless of that and the lack of information I’ve put online about her ( which I actually seek to remedy by writing this ), she’s a quiet favorite who will never disappear from my roster.

I wanted to create a person who fate had been thrusted upon unwillingly. I wanted to create a woman who had never planned to do anything that didn’t benefit herself in life. Anji’s early life consisted of what was barely a life at the orphanage in Riften, where she watched the Thieves Guild lift jewelry from a man’s pocket with the man none the wiser. She never entertained the idea of being an honest worker, because she’d seen how the jarl treated honest workers. Of course, she knew that if she were to be caught thieving, the storm she’d call over herself would be worse, but that was only if she was going to be caught.

So she got herself into the Thieves’ Guild, worked her way up the ranks to Guild Master, before, near the border, she was caught stealing a horse and shipped off to Helgen, where the main story begins.

Anji is, from the start, reluctant about her supposed fate. She never believed in prophecies and rarely in Gods and now, everything was real, everything was true. And she was the main character of a legend. Thrust into a role she doesn’t think fit her. She isn’t who these people deserve, a thieving woman who serves only her own benefit. The people deserved a selfless knight, advocating for the survival of mankind, believing so wholly in oneself that they could overcome a legendary monster like Alduin the World-Eater. Someone who isn’t her. So she rejects her abilities, rejects her destiny, and pretends for months that she isn’t the one the Greybeards are calling from the Throat of the World.

And for a time, it works. For a time she can focus on the physical gain, the money she earns, the reputation. But in the back of her mind, the knowledge scratches at the door she keeps it behind. She sees the destruction the dragons are causing all over Skyrim, the terror of the people. The loss of morale. She tells herself that she decides to see what these Greybeards have to say, if only to tell them they’ll need to find someone else.

But she comes to learn that there is no one else. There is only her and her bow, and her lack of morale, against an ancient dragon.

Anji is the Reluctant Hero, the Unlikely Hero, not the woman you’d expect when one mentions the Dovahkiin. She’s slight and flighty, quick as a whip with her twin blades, relying on speed above strength. She prefers sneaking through the shadows instead of fighting her way through boldly and openly, and she never starts fights she can’t win. This doesn’t mean she won’t kill, and doesn’t mean she won’t use her powers, even for personal gain. She enjoys the power of the Voice and, as lore suggests, overtime grows more and more powerful (think: her voice can at some point burn the ice off a mountain), but she hates the responsibility that comes with it and will never fully accept it. She’s practical and quick-witted, more on the serious side of the spectrum, although she possesses a funny streak that only shows up in intimate settings ( think: close friends/guild/lovers ) or when she’s completely drunk. She observes each angle of a job or mission before proceeding, wanting to be ahead of each trap she might run into.

A few loose facts about her:

is bisexual but leans towards women

has absolutely no interest in bearing children, adopting is fine though

favors her bow over her twin blades

carries two daggers in each boot

In some verses she can be a werewolf for absolutely no other reason other than that i can

in modern verses she owns a martial arts school

Play smart not hard

#*✧･ﾟ OUT OF CHARACTER. #*✧･ﾟBELLATRIX LESTRANGE. #*✧･ﾟ ANJI TERRYLL. #treppenwitzz

[jaskiersbard]

The Fantastic Beasts Franchise and JK Rowling

Alright, so...hi everyone.

I don’t know how many people follow this blog anymore because my main blog of operation is now @alwaysahiccupandastrid - I still try to keep this blog relatively active though, just because it was my original blog, I’ve had it since I was 13, and I have so many memories attached to it.

I’m aware that a lot of the people who follow me, especially since late 2016, do so because a) I was a loud and proud Fantastic Beasts fan, b) I wrote some Newtina and Jakweenie fic, and c)...I don’t know. I literally don’t know why people bother following me anywhere because I don’t feel like I have a lot to say. But, anyway, many people probably follow me due to Fantastic Beasts and my posts/fanfics within the fandom.

Those who follow my active blog will already know my feelings and thoughts, but because of the fact many things about this blog - me, the posts for the last four-ish years, the url itself - are Beasts related, I felt it was necessary to come and write an actual post here instead of just reblogging things and calling it a day. I’ve always been very outspoken online, but I’ve been avoiding a certain topic of conversation on this blog for years now, and I’m finally in a place where we can discuss it.

I am, of course, talking about the hot topic that is JK Rowling.

Back in the days between FBAWTFT and FBTCOG, I was a very outspoken defender of JK Rowling and her decision to defend Johnny Depp’s inclusion in the films. Now, this is something I still stand by to this day, and due to the evidence that has since come out, I’m even more steadfast in the opinion that keeping Depp was a great decision. I am fully in support of him and the way he’s currently battling against his abuser. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about right now. As I was saying, back in the day, I was outspoken about the opinion that “we don’t know the full story” etc., and as a result I received very colourful anon messages. Now, to my knowledge, none of these were about JKR being a TERF/transphone, but I think it’s important to mention that at the time I scoffed at the idea she could be one. I openly admit that I didn’t listen to what other people - including actual trans individuals - were saying about JKR and her transphobia because I frankly didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit that the person who wrote something that saved my life could be so hateful and a bad person - that, and at the time I passed it all off as “wokeness out of control”.

It is now 2020. Up until last Saturday night, I was still in support of JK Rowling - I didn’t agree with some of the stuff she had said, but I was trying to be positive and have hope by telling myself that she didn’t mean to be transphobic, that she just didn’t know what she was doing was wrong, even though the evidence clearly showed otherwise (I.e. her liking transphobic / radfem tweets). I said to my followers on my Beasts page that instead of cancelling people outright, we should be attempting to educate them instead, and if they choose not to learn then fine. And, being 100% obvious, I didn’t want to admit it because I frankly already was feeling annoyed at two different Beasts cast members for different reasons: Ezra Miller (for choking a girl) and Dan Fogler (for his tweet about BLM - admittedly that was probably him being well intentioned but not saying it right). So yeah, I didn’t want to cancel another member of the Beasts “family”.

I had JKR’s tweets on notifications, and for the most part over the last few weeks, it was all about the Ickabog. However, on Saturday night I noticed that she had suddenly tweeted something completely different, and I looked at it. Given that I had adamantly defended her and said “freedom of speech” for so long, it’s telling that my first thought upon seeing her tweet was literally “for fuck sake, Jo, why”.

I won’t post her tweets here but to sum that first tweet up, it was her being annoyed over the term “people who menstruate” being used in an article instead of “woman”, and mockingly saying “there used to be a word for that” before pretending she didn’t know the word. She knew that tweeting it would start arguments and anger, and yet she still made the decision to do so. Her follow up tweets frankly dug the hole deeper; she tried to defend herself by saying, to sum it up, “I have a butch lesbian friend who agrees with me” “I just care about women’s rights!” And “IF trans people were marginalised I’d march with you!” (“If”, of course, being the real kicker here because what do you mean IF. They ARE. Every DAY.)

Since then, JKR has written an essay on her website defending herself and her opinions, and yes, I read it. I read it a few times, in fact. At first, I felt my anger simmer and felt I had been too hasty to make anti JKR jokes, that I was wrong...but then I read it again properly and realised that what she had written was a piece that turned herself into the victim, and that despite putting on the appearance of her saying she supports trans people, including the phrases “I support trans people” and “of course trans women are real women”, she still spewed much transphobic vitriol and hate. She cited no sources for any of her proclamations or statements about statistics, implied that trans men transition to escape their “womanhood”, that trans women are men in dresses, that trans women are dangerous to “real” women (aka cis women) and shouldn’t be allowed into women’s changing rooms or toilets. There was also the autism comment, and the implication of autistic girls somehow not being able to make decisions or whatever.

I’m going to get straight to the point: I don’t support JK Rowling or her radical feminism.

As someone who is a proud feminist (libfem?), I can honestly say that never have I felt threatened or like I was being silenced by the inclusion of trans women in feminist spaces or conversation. Never. In my second year at sixth form, I was in charge of the LGBTQ+ club until a new leader with better leadership skills could step in, and - put simply - that year, the club was made almost entirely of first year transgender students. Even though I had called myself a trans ally for years, I realised there was a lot I didn’t know, and I learnt quite a lot from these students. I continue to still learn today. They were some of the nicest and most intelligent people I got the chance to meet, and I can truly say that at no point was I ever worried to be in a room alone with a trans woman, nor was I concerned about which bathroom they went in - bathrooms are bathrooms. Speaking of bathrooms...when I was at uni during a particularly tense rehearsal a few weeks before our final show last year, a guy in our group made me cry and I ran to the women’s bathroom to escape. Not only did the other girls come to comfort me, but you know what? The guy came in and apologised profusely to me. Did any of us girls give a shit about having a guy in our toilet? Absolutely not. It’s a fucking toilet. And, on that note, I was never worried about a trans woman or even a cis man attacking me in the toilets. You know who DID attack me in the toilets regularly? Other cisgender women.

As a feminist, I fully support trans women and am not threatened by the inclusion of trans women in women’s spaces or in women’s rights discussions. While I agree that cis women and trans women inevitably go through different struggles, at the end of the day, we all identify as women and are women. I think that if your feminism is so threatened by the existence of trans women - TERFs, RadFems, JKR, looking at you - then your feminism is flimsy and not feminism at all.

As a woman, I find it highly offensive that JKR and many RadFems focus so much of womanhood and feminism on an involuntary biological function that, frankly, many of us would rather do without. Yeah, I’m talking about periods - no matter how proud I am to be a woman, I still fucking hate periods and would get rid of mine if I could without erasing my chance of having kids someday. I can hear the RadFems accusing me of “internalised woman hatred” for saying I hate my periods, but you know what, they suck and they hurt and fuck them. The fact that JKR (also the the radfem movement) reduced “women” to just people who menstruate and can have children, and vice versa, is incredibly offensive and misogynistic. For a start, trans men menstruate, intersex people can, non binary can etc. Next, not even ALL cis women have periods - women who are menopausal, young women who haven’t started puberty yet (some do start very late), some women don’t have regular cycles, some women have medical problems that affect their cycle, some women are on birth control that can stop their cycles. So the idea of women being defined as “those who menstruate” is offensive not only to trans/intersex/non binary individuals but also to cis ones too.

As I write this, I’m a 22 year old woman who is still learning and changing every day, and one of the things that I’ve found myself thinking about recently - especially since we’re in lockdown and we have nothing BUT time to think - is about myself and my identity as a woman. What prompted this was when I saw Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s beloved book, “Little Women”, which I’ve since read, for my birthday back in January, and I left the cinema feeling exalted and powerful with my own identity as a woman. (I’ll be returning to LW in a bit)

After some thinking, I’ve realised some things. For me, my identity as a woman is not just because once a month my uterus decides to shed; I do not identify as a woman just because I have certain physical features. I am not a particularly feminine person either, and I’m what some may call a “tomboy” (a phrase I actually don’t mind but I know a lot of people do for understandable reasons since it’s a phrase designed to differentiate people who don’t conform to society’s expectations etc) because I prefer video games and more geeky stuff to shopping or dressing up or make up.

For me, there is no one way a person has to be or appear in order to identify as a woman. Women are beautiful, complex human beings; we are not defined by our genitalia, by an involuntary biological process. Women are strong, intelligent, and interesting people - no two are the same. For example, some decide to raise families, some choose to pursue a career, some do both - all of these are valid and none are more “feminist” or “womanly” than the others, because it’s our as women. I guarantee that if you lined up every single woman in the world - cis AND trans - no two would be the exact same.

I mentioned “Little Women” earlier, and as I was pondering over what makes me identify as a “woman”, I thought a lot about a certain quote from the 2019 film that has stayed with me since it was first said in the release of the trailer. It’s spoken by Jo March to her mother, and I’ve started to understand what for me makes me a woman.

For me, being a woman is all of this: having minds, hearts, souls, ambition, talent, and being beautiful each in our own ways. Women are capable of love and empathy, capable of desire, capable of the most complex and human feelings and emotions, and coming out the stronger for it.

Sex is one thing; gender identity is another.

I won’t dissect every single thing JKR wrote in her essay, but I will just say this: her comments regarding autistic girls are extremely tone deaf and she does not speak for those with autism. I’m going to be honest and admit something here I haven’t before: I have not been diagnosed with autism or aspergers but I AM currently on the waiting list to see someone who COULD diagnose me. Apparently I show signs of a potential diagnosis, so...we’ll have to see. But I have friends who are autistic, and they’re disgusted by JKR trying to use them to support her TERF arguments. Autistic and other neurodivergent people are absolutely capable of making decisions and are NOT people who need to be babied or have their hands held, to be told who they are. It’s incredibly ableist of JK Rowling frankly.

I would also like to point out... I’ve seen people saying “but she doesn’t hate autistic people, Newt is autistic!!!” - yes, but JKR didn’t write him as autistic. Eddie Redmayne chose to play Newt as autistic - JK Rowling didn’t do shit.

It’s also time that I acknowledge that both Potter and Beasts inevitably hold JKR’s problematic views, and that by denying her ownership of her work, we’re not holding her accountable for the horrible things she’s done. This includes - but is not limited to -:

Anti-Semitic stereotypes in the goblins

Lycanthropy being used as a metaphor for AIDS - an illness that is heavily associated to the gay community, and also there was the panic of the AIDs crisis in the 90s where much misinformation and homophobia was generated and spread because of it.

Adding further to the lycanthropy point, one of the infected individuals - Greyback - is stated to have a sick preference for infecting children. Not only are werewolves tied to harmful gay/AIDs stereotypes, but also to the disgusting and frankly wrong notion that gay people are pedophiles.

The only Asian character is called Cho Chang. Cho Chang. That’s two steps away from outright just calling her “Ching Chong”. It’s not a name an actual Asian person would have.

The Goldstein sisters are probably distantly related to Anthony Goldstein, who JKR confirmed (on Twitter of course) is Jewish, meaning that Tina and Queenie are most likely Jewish too (and Goldstein is a Jewish surname). However, despite the fact that the first FBaWTFT is set DURING Hanukkah in 1926, there’s zero signs of them celebrating or observing it. Maybe that’s more on set design than anything else, but come on - if I, a fanfic writer, can do some research, JK/the crew of a major movie can too!

Adding on from that, gotta love how one of the JEWISH main characters then decides to join the Wizarding world equivalent of Hitler. I already had problems with Queenie’s characterisation in CoG, but that’s the icing on the cake.

POC/Black characters - in both series but since I’m a Beasts blog... Seraphina Picquery, a Black female president serving a term during a MAJOR wizarding world crisis, is severely reduced to have only 3 lines in CoG. Nagini’s only purpose is to be the only friend of Credence, a white man, before he joins Wizard Hitler and abandons her; she’s also an Asian character who we know one day permanently becomes a SNAKE, and who goes on to actually have a piece of Voldemort’s soul inside of her?? And some do see her as his slave, though you could argue that she’s actually the only being that he holds any love or respect for. Leta Lestrange is a half-black woman who is killed/literally sacrifices herself for TWO WHITE MEN, and who’s death was literally confirmed to have been added in last minute.

Also, the whole Lestrange storyline was fucking nasty: white Lestrange Sr imperius-ed a black woman (Yusuf Kama’s mother), raped her, and she then died in childbirth. I’m sorry, what the fuck??

In Harry Potter, Seamus is a terrible stereotype of an Irish person - he likes to blow things up. Look up the IRA and their bombings. Fucking Irish stereotype. As someone with Irish grandparents and who is proud of their Irish heritage, this really pisses me off.

Let’s not forget the whole Native American cultural appropriation. That truly speaks for itself.

So here is where I speak candidly to everyone who follows me and/or sees this post. While Beasts is no longer my No. 1 fandom these days, it and Potter still hold a huge piece of my heart. I have 5 wizarding world tattoos, so much merchandise, and I can safely say that being a fan of both series has shaped me as a person. Both of those series helped me get through the darkest days of my life, including bullying at school, my Nan passing away, and my mental health struggles.

This is why what’s happened has impacted me so much and broken my heart. For me, it feels like it’s tainted now because of Jo and her views. I know that we should separate the art from the artist, but when her views are so clearly woven into the very fabric of the Wizarding world, it’s a huge problem.

Here’s another part of the dilemma - I do not wish for the Beasts films to be cancelled. I’m well aware that the *cough* people who dislike me will say I’m trying to be negative, trying to boycott the series blah blah blah, but that’s truly the last thing I want. I still love the story, the characters, the soundtrack, and I want to know how it ends, if only for my own piece of mind. It’s also important to add that by boycotting Beasts, it’s also harming the hard working thousands of others who worked on the films: the cast, the crew, the extras, the musicians, etc., not to mention the fans who actually are invested in the series and have taken solace in it. It’s not fair for them to all suffer over the actions of one TERF.

This is one of my biggest worries, however: the Fantastic Beasts films do NOT have a good reputation as it is. The second film was boycotted by some due to Depp, and now there’s talk of people boycotting number 3 because of JK Rowling. Lots of people already talk hatred about it, and this will only fire that hatred up even more.

There’s also talk of Eddie Redmayne potentially being kicked from the franchise due to a “leak” that he doesn’t want to work with JKR anymore, but this could be sensationalist news reporting. But if it came down to it, I can honestly say that I would rather continue to have Eddie play Newt than keep JKR as a writer. Eddie has done more for Newt than even JKR has, and if he goes, then that will be the last straw for me within the fandom. That will be when I take a sharp exit out, sell my FB merch and have my tattoos covered.

To add, the Fantastic Beasts scripts are...not great. Or, at least, what we saw on-screen wasn’t. Maybe that’s David Yates being the literal worst (fuck you, Yates, you suck) and cutting all the parts with strong female characters, but I honestly don’t think that JKR can write screenplays well at all. I think she’s clearly better at writing books, and that’s fine - books obviously allow for more time to explore characters and story/plot arcs etc, and film scripts offer way less of those chances. I don’t think screenplays allow her to write what she needs to in order to tell the story she wants to, hence why CoG was kind of a hot mess. So maybe it’s just that she’s not suited for screenplays and should stick to books.

Honestly, I kind of just wish that WB would hire another person to finish writing the Fantastic Beasts movies - obviously they’d have to keep JKR on board to tell them the actual plot, but get someone who can actually write screenplays and not be problematic to write them.

By now I’ve gone on long enough that I’ve forgotten my original intent while writing this, so I’ll try to sum up and end now. In short, I am extremely disappointed in JK Rowling and do not support her or her views any longer.

I don’t know how any of you guys are feeling but I would be interested to hear other people’s thoughts, especially other Fantastic Beasts fans. I want to also add that, as always, my DMs and inbox are always open - if not here, then always at @alwaysahiccupandastrid where I’m more active nowadays.

Finally, you guys don’t need me - a white cis woman - to tell you this but you’re all valid and magical and fuck JK Rowling. Her characters would all be ashamed of her, and the characters we grew up with would not stand for the bigotry and vile hatred she spreads under the guise of ““protecting women””. Several of the amazing actors from Potter and Beasts have spoken out against her and her tweets: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Bonnie Wright, Katie Leung, Chris Rankin, Eddie Redmayne. Some have been...less inspiring (Tom Felton, Evanna Lynch, looking at you two 👀)

I’m sending love to everyone right now. I wish I could say something more useful but I’ve spoken enough - I’ve made my opinion clear. I love you all, please stay safe.

#fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts: the crimes of grindelwald #jk rowling #harry potter

[migleefulmoments]

Please, please, please publish Abby’s new diatribe as I have apparently been blocked (or perhaps just don’t know enough about tumblr to find it). I’m dying to see what she worked on for two months to justify her existence!

Anonymous said: Oh dear, looks like Abby’s family didn’t get her help after all, a lost cause then, what an absolute waste of a life. It’s actually sad. A shame her family didn’t get her help

Le sigh...she is not well. She hasn’t learned one thing while she’s been away and she still has the exact same grievances- mostly about how much she hates Mia and how much she feels sorry for herself because we aren’t lapping up her fantasy and showering her with adoration for being the leader of the ccship. Her main complaint, the reason she popped back in to write the same tired complaints and criticisms, is that she’s tired of people blaming Darren for the ccsituation. It’s always about her love for ccDarren and her need to absolve him of all responsibility for all of the things the cc fandom dislike about him and his life. IT’S ALWAYS MIA’S FAULT and the defacto fandom leaders aren’t reminding everyone “it’s never Darren’s fault” and “always blame Mia’s”.

She lashes out to criticize the “hate blogs” but ultimately she blames Ricky and Mia for EVERYTHING including the “attack on her family” (which of course, was NOT an attack on her family, it was a plea for her family to get her some help).  She claims “they” tried to shut her up and then lists all the evidence that “they” tried to end her blog:  HER copyright strikes (lots of us have one) and the “hate” blogs before listing individual grievances against several bloggers, amping up the grievance for dramatic effect and making it seem like they were coordinated, well-planned attacks against her. She negates her own part e.g. I published the photo ONLY after she dared me to several times. All of this because  “If this is what they were willing to do to me, a mere fan, imagine what they are well to do to him, their absolute life sources?” “They” aka Mia and Ricky.  

I found it hard to read. She’s not in a good place.  

***************************************  

Hello CCLand!  Have you missed me?  I know I have missed you all.  This post is not me coming back, frankly, I still have not decided how I want to navigate the future, but for the past 2 months all of this has been festering inside, so I need to post and make a few points.

First and foremost, I want to say that I am incredibly proud of my blog. I spent 5 years building a relationship with my readers and trying to provide a voice for 2 people who have been marginalized and frankly had their voices largely muted. I will never apologize for this or feel bad about it. Nor will I feel bad about pointing a finger at people that I know are truly evil.  

I am far from perfect and I admit, I made 2 massive errors.  I overshared because I was naive and never thought the information would be used against me.  And I did not pay enough attention to the hate blogs and their threats.

This was a blog that I started when I first learned about CC and frankly it grew out of love and a need to try to bring justice to a person that is absolutely a victim of a completely antiquated and abusive system.  Further, I don’t THINK D is closeted, I KNOW D is closeted.  And I have substantial facts to back up that statement.  I never intended to become the most read CC blog or to meets so many wonderful an amazing people that I admire, but that is what happened and that has given me great joy.

But with the good comes the bad, and what happened to me is absolutely sick and depraved.  And I am writing this post in hopes that someone will read it and see just how fucked up the behavior of a few “fans” has been towards me and to help them to extend this to what has been done to D and C.  Please do not feel sad for me, or send me sympathy, it is not my point.  But I hope that perhaps it will inspire some of you to be more active and to fight a little harder as I try to navigate the harassment that occurred to my family.

Pretty much since I started to write, I have been receiving hate, something to be expected when you join a fandom like this. But at some point, it became much more frequent and took a turn from manageable hate to harassment and bullying.  In October of 2017, I got my first ask with my full name and from that day forward there has been an active attempt to try to bullying me off the internet. Now ask why that is?  I am just a fan, with what most think is a crazy belief, with a relatively small following. I do not and have not tagged the players nor do I contact them directly. I have never been anything but incredibly polite to  D and C, and frankly I have ignored M whenever I have been in her presence because she is not worthy of my time or energy. I have never reached out to them over SM to make one statement about fandom. So why such an effort to silence my voice?  Especially if it is as insignificant as they claim?  

They tried deleting my blog, that failed. They tried with copyright infringements but I got smarter about making sure to post links.  So, what did they do?  They started with vicious attacks on my character on their hate blogs. Posting my full name and image.  Analyzing every word i wrote, desperately trying to debunk me, stating that i had severe mental health issues.  Tagged C, W, and A/lla to warn them about my presence at a book signing.  They stalked my friends and I at a festival, made false accusations, and published a photo. This meant that had to seek us out, locate where we were sitting and wait for a moment when they could get an image that they could twist to their favor.  That is insane. And there is no way to twist it to say its normal or expected.

But that apparently was enough harassment.  They threatened my work and my career.  Next, they started to stalk my family on the internet and use a devastating injury and a charity to harass and bully my family to the point that I did have to make the painful decision to not just stop posting but to protect my blog. This is completely vile and inexcusable behavior.  And the fact that it was not stopped, is a strong statement about the people clearly in control.

Why am I recounting? Because I want people to wake up and stop blaming D for every twist and turn.  If this is what they were willing to do to me, a mere fan, imagine what they are well to do to him, their absolute life sources? I am just another body left behind in the carnage, D is their source of money and fame. And not just his team and his “bride” but all of the people that have ridden his coattails to have name recognition.  

I wish people would realize this is not choose your own adventure book, D is a human who has been held against his will due to an enormous amount of power they clearly wield over him. How do you not see that if he could, he would end this?  This has not been about him being straight in so long, straight is how they control him and how they are able to make M relevant.  

And if you though this was a choice, how were you not woken up in the days following his dad’s death? I would guess not 48 hours after he buried his father, he was dragged from his mother’s home, forced to play dress up and pose for a ridiculous, cruel and inhumane set of pics.  D has lied about many things, but never about his parents, he has always been nothing but reverent when he speaks about them and his love and respect for them is clear.

Clearly, I have not gone anywhere, and I am still watching and reading every word. I have actually been incredibly proud of D during the majority of press for HW.  He has made so many statements that are a foundation for the truth, including telling us that young actors do things that they later learn to regret, telling us that HW has not changed, and stating that the person you see has a story we will never know.  

The press to legitimize and canonize M has been laughable and beyond transparent. It is so obvious this is on his list of required duties and the fact that they did not pause if for 1 week when his dad died is absolute proof that this is not a choice.

I do have to laugh at the irony of the d “quote” about fans being mean to his poor “wife” (that he himself has called a big girl).  So it is ok to bully a fan off the internet to the point that they stalked and harassed my family (and it does not matter if his was led by his team, her, her friends, or a fan in her name), but it is not ok for a small handful of fans to discuss the sad reality and point the finger at the truth?

Anyhow, this got way too long, but it has all been building up inside.  This blog was  such a massive part of my life and I miss it and you more than words can say. I encourage all of you to keep supporting these incredible men, I have no doubt they are worth it. I do think they next few months will bring about change, but what they change is, we still don’t know. I hope that D wins sooner than later. I am not certain how much longer he can be expected to sustain this weight.   If you reached this point, thank you for reading.    I am going back to my quiet corner now.  

[fluorescentpipedream]

I love when new characters talk to me, and especially when they involve established characters in what they’re telling me. So here’s a few new things

-Reverend is RJ’s son, with his brother’s wife. When RJ first came into my head, he established he was Rev’s uncle and his brother hated him because he’d fucked his wife, not once but twice. The first time was 2 days before their wedding and the second happened sometime in the middle of their marriage, before Rev was born.

Turns out there’s a bit more to that. RJ and Willow (There’s a reason all of the Jamison boys have weird names, mom was a hippie, though now she’s turned into more of a Stepford) has been dating throughout most of high school. Or...what you might call dating. RJ would take her out on his bike, they’d have sex and then get dinner somewhere before he’d take her home. He was very much in love with her but him going nowhere fast in life scared her because she wanted security more than love. RJ’s brother Darren somehow convinced her that his brother was never going to marry her, or give her a safe, secure life (he was in a gang, after all) and so she ended up running off with him. Pissed and hurt because his brother not only stole his girl but it seemed that his girl never actually loved him, RJ got her into bed with one more time, before they were married, and had his way with her. Afterward, he told her she’ll never get what she wants out of his brother, they both know she’s a trashy little whore and likes to be treated like it. She slapped him, married his brother and 2 years later had their first son, Dax. (I’ll have to figure out everyone’s ages, the way it’s looking RJ might be 50 instead of 42)

When Dax is 5, RJ was just getting out of jail and with nowhere to go, he fell onto his brother’s house in suburbia, seemingly trying to get his feet back on the ground. The Slayers have his back, of course, but he spent 7 years in jail for possession with intent to sell and was released due to overcrowding and the non-hostile nature of his crime made him less of a dangerous criminal. His brother spends several days berating RJ, continuously referring to him by Robert instead of his monicure, which he hates. When Darren leaves home for a business trip, he tells his brother he can stay for another week, then he’s got to leave. He can’t have “his type” in this neighborhood. Willow ends up crawling into bed with him the same night her husband leaves on his trip and the two spend most of that week doing nothing other than each other. Before Darren returns home, RJ tells Willow he’s leaving, she’s not going to get to keep him as a fuck toy unless she tells his brother the truth.

Afraid of losing her nice house and fancy car, she instead tells Darren that RJ raped her and threatened Dax. Darren confronts his brother and the two go at each other, ending with RJ pulling his switchblade on his brother and telling him that Willow is only with him for his money. Enraged and unable to think straight, RJ breaks into their house while the two are visiting the Hamptons and steals money that Darren has hidden, even from his wife, in Dax’s toy box. He ends up arrested, this time for trespassing but there’s no real proof he did anything. Dax had been home when it happened, never really allowed to go to the Hamptons or anywhere else with his parents and told the police that RJ only got him some water and spent the night on the floor of his room before leaving when the babysitter came back. His parents get in a little trouble because their sitter wasn’t staying all night though they claim not to know anything about that.He’d seen his uncle but refused to tattle on time, RJ never hurt him, didn’t even threaten him. (Who threatens a 5 year old?)

Willow seeks out RJ about 4 months later and says she’s pregnant with his kid and he needs to take “responsibility for his crimes against her” He tells her to get fucked, if she wants him to take care of it so bad, give him the kid. She never comes back, and 5 months later gives birth to Reverend. Her husband knows he’s RJ’s kid and they raise Rev with the same kind of hands-off, who cares as long as we’re rich, mentality that Dax had gotten up til then.

-When Rev gets into middle school he meets Zachary Sullivan, though because of a speech impediment he’s unable to say Zach, he starts calling his new friend Jax. Jax takes it, originally finding the younger boy annoying but eventually they become pretty fast friends. Especially since Jax is the “wrong sort” Willow and Darren want their son hanging around, that fuels a fire in both boys and they become inseparable. Jax learns about blood brothers from something he’s reading so he and Rev do that, cutting their hands and agreeing they will always be friends. Every attempt by Darren and Willow to separate the boys fail, and eventually Rev’s parents throw in the towel and give up altogether.

-when Jax is 19, he tries to go through the Slayers’ initiation, which culiminates in getting into a pit with the leader’s pet tiger, Zara. She’s generally well behaved but a bit battle scarred as she’s been doing this for some time. (RJ gave her the scar above her right eye when he went through it when she was still young) Rev never made it past the first round of tests, but he’s supporting Jax when he climbs into the tiger pit. Jax can’t stand the heat, though bows out gracefully as you can when faced with a massive tiger growling at you. He’s told to leave, but at least gained the respect of the Slayers.

-Jax joins a small gang of petty car thieves, and Rev does as well and over time, Jax becomes their leader, pushing the original guy down below him. Damien is pissed but Jax doesn’t stay in that position all that long. He gets involved with a man named John but is rather unceremoniously thrown into a dumpster when John’s friend Ryki, who is also a member of Jax’s gang, finds out what kind of abusive boyfriend he is.

-Rev, having just been arrested while the Jax, John and Ryki thing is happening, is bailed out by his father who is utterly disgusted by the boy with scattered tattoos, and blue streaks in his hair (which John did). While driving Rev home and angrily venting about how this behavior is going to stop, Darren pops off with how he shouldn’t be surprised, Rev is turning out just like his good for nothing father. Confused, Rev asks what he means and finds out Darren’s side of the truth, which his mother repeats, almost word for word. Angry and confused, he asks Dax, who is packing to leave home as well, not wanting to deal with this train wreck of a family anymore. Especially since their parents now have Falco, their baby brother and model to dote on and use. Dax tells him that no matter what mom and dad say, uncle RJ has never been anything but kind to him. He tells Rev that he remembers their mom going into the room RJ was staying in willingly, a lot, and only getting mad when he told her he was leaving. He also tells Rev that RJ would probably have been a better father. Dax leaves that night and never looks back, moving to Las Vegas.

-Rev originally wanted to get RJ to help him but after meeting an angry Jax after Ryki “threw him away” and his crazy mother kicked him out after finding out her son is gay, the two decide to just leave California and never look back. Rev steals about $700 from his mother’s purse, and get into Jax’s POS car. Wherever it stops, they stop. They wind up in southern Illinois, moving into a small apartment complex in Belleville together. Jax isn’t gay, he’s bi, but very homophobic even towards himself. Rev meets Drake and Jax starts dating Kristy and the rest is history.

-Skip to 2006, RJ gets a call from his sister in law out of the blue telling him that his son, Reverend, has just married a psychopath in southern IL and they now have some kind of demon spawn together, before hanging up. RJ is, admittedly, a little confused by the entire conversation and thinks nothing of it until the uprising in the Slayers following the death of their leader and Queenie’s promotion to their new leader. Some understand and follow the “family don’t end in blood” rule (meaning if you’ve been brought into the Slayers and completed the initiation through the blood rite, you become family and the selection of leaders is passed on through the lines, even if that means a 3 year old kid is now your boss) Others, like the Vikings and a handful of others tried challenging the rule, causing dissent and ultimately infighting leads to RJ getting shot, twice. The first time was from Rollo when he tried to shoot Queenie. Rollo pays for that mistake by taking a barbed wire baseball bat to the face, courtesy of RJ and dies of a broken neck. The second time is by Lisa “Lagratha” his ex-lover whom he broke up with after he starting pursuing his current girlfriend and the mother of his child. While he’s on the ground and with a bullet in his hip he realizes he has a kid he’s never known, is about to be a father again and has a grandchild and he wants to have something resrmbling a relationship with them. Even if Rev tells him to fuck off, at least he would have tried.

-RJ volunteers to go to IL and speak with the gang leaders in Chicago and the Scorpions of East St Louis, figuring he’ll stop in to see Rev and the so-called psychopath while he’s there. After being met at the border of Chicago and threatened by the Marcone crime family, he heads down to Belleville to find Reverend. What he finds is pretty close to what he’d been expecting. While Drake is a little odd, her and Rev are sweet together and the boy found genuine love with her. The two talk outside for a while, RJ tells Rev he’s about to be a father himself and would like more than anything to be part of his life and that of his granddaughter’s as well if Rev would have him. Rev doesn’t put much thought into it, telling him that he and his family are going to be moving back to LA in a few months after they settle some things here, since he got offered an internship at Henson Studios and they’re going to be closer, he’d love to have Sunny know an actual grandpa, as opposed to his now estranged parents.

-RJ tells Rev by agreeing to spend time with him, he, Drake and Sunny are coming under the protection of the Slayers and if they need anything they have a very large family watching out for them. Through Rev, he also gets to meet with the East St Louis Scorpions and strikes a deal with their leader wherein one (or more if they want)of their guys gain access to the Slayers in LA and have a permanent place in their meetings and vice versa.

-RJ has two vehicles (3 if you count the silver bullet trailer he lives in), one is a ‘96 Trans AM he’s been rebuilding for a while. This is what he drives to Illinois.

The second is his motorcycle, a Harley Davidson sportster with custom exhaust. This is what he was riding when he meet Jamie.

((Side note, Ragnar and his Vikings don’t end up leaving LA completely, as he gets involved with a good little Catholic boy, and tries to convince Ireena that he didn’t know Rollo and Floki were going to start an all out uprising with them and he, Lagretha and some younger ones would like to return to the Slayers, since no one else will have them)))

(((One other side note, RJ wears a small vial of blood around his neck hidden inside of a hollowed out bullet casing. He said it’s the leaders’ and his best friend’s blood, which he keeps close to his heart at all times. He notices that Rev wears one too and when he asks why, rev tells him it’s just a bullet from he and Jax were younger and struck up their blood brother pact. They had found the bullets along a back road and Rev emptied and cleaned them, filling them with sand and turning them into pendants that both the boys still wear. RJ makes a crack about Rev winding up like him after all when Rev tells him the relationship he and Jax have is thicker than blood. )))

#characters #new #skeet ulrich #synyster gates #gangs

[targaryenbiitch]

Rules Are Made To Be Broken

Title: Rules Are Made To Be Broken

Rating: T

Pairings: Core Four (Mal/Jay/Evie/Carlos), Mal/Evie, Ben/Mal, Jay/Mal, Carlos/Mal, everyone loves everyone!

Summary: Mal punches Chad Charming and breaks his nose. This act of violence does not speak well of a supposed "redeemed" Villain kid and extreme consequences are considered.

Warnings: Referenced child abuse/neglect and PTSD/anxiety. 

AO3 Link

There was something about leather that just made Mal shiver with delight. Maybe it had something to do with the protection it provided against sharp and deadly objects on the Isle or the way it made preppy little Auradon princesses and princes gaze at her with unease—because why wouldn’t a supposed fully integrated and redeemed villain wear the custom Auradon stains and silks?

Whatever the reason was, Mal just loved the rough feel against her skin, the smell that said loudly “home” and “safe”, and, yeah, watching Audrey frown in distaste at her fashion choices did bring a bit of glee.  

Though Mal and the VK’s had ultimately chosen the righteous path of goodness, that didn’t mean there wasn’t any room for a little mischief and hair raising.

See, what no one seemed to understand was that the Isle wasn’t actually a lawless place. There were plenty of rules there. Sure, they weren’t the same oddly etiquette-obsessed ones that Auradon preached, but rules and expectations did exist nonetheless. And you got way more than a detention or stern lecture for breaking them.

Breaking rules in Auradon was actually fun. It was safe. It was also familiar and normal, reminded Mal of home, but in a pleasant way that so few things did. And what was the harm in a little school graffiti or skipping a class here and there? No one was all good, even in Auradon, and the punishments were laughable at best. Mal figured as long as she wasn’t harming another person, her little rebellious tags on Beast’s statue or her leathers would easily be overlooked as a product of her origin that just couldn’t be stamped out.

That was, until Mal overheard Chad say some derogatory comment regarding Carlos and she decked him right in the face. Mal hadn’t thought she’d struck him that hard, certainly not as hard as she would have if they were on the Isle, but she’d forgotten she’d been wearing a few very hefty rings, including Ben’s, and that resulted in a broken nose which then landed Mal in Fairy Godmother’s office.

Fairy Godmother paced frantically, which was strange enough since the fairy always seemed rather composed, if not horrendously bubbly and chipper. That did chip at Mal’s too-cool-for-school persona and made her stomach start to constrict.

“Mal, Mal my dear child, why would you choose to use violence? You know that is an unacceptable form of conflict resolution here. We’ve gone over it many times in remedial goodness, have we not?”

“We have.” Mal answered serenely, confidently like her mother had taught her. “I apologize for my actions, FG. But Chad sai—”

“Chad’s parents are insisting you be expelled immediately!” Fair Godmother interrupted with a cry. Mal froze. “Oh, child, and I’m afraid I must seriously consider it.”

“What?” Mal felt like she was in some sort of hilariously twisted alternate reality of Auradon. Expelled? Auradon Prep had never expelled anyone, Mal and the VK’s had done ample research. It seemed that anything short of murder kept you enrolled, especially when your parents donated hefty sums every year for upkeep.

Fairy Godmother gave Mal a sympathetic look, “My dear one, this is not your first infraction here.”

“But!” Mal rose to her feet, “But you can’t expel me! Where would I go? I have nothing here. I—” Mal paused in her rant and met Fairy Godmother’s eyes as understanding dawned upon her. “You want to send me back to the Isle.”

“I don’t want to, dear, but you may have left me with no other choice.” And damn that blasted fairy, Mal could actually hear the painful reluctance in her voice.

Mal felt her blood boil, “You can’t send me back. The king won’t allow it.”

“King Ben must abide by the laws of Auradon, just as everyone else. Many exceptions have already been made in your case, Mal. Many, many, exceptions.” Fairy Godmother sighed, “A decision will not be made immediately, mind you. The king and myself will be meeting with the Charmings to discuss the matter.”

That put Mal a bit at ease. Ben wouldn’t allow her to be sent back, he wouldn’t. He loved her, he was king, even if the rest of Auradon hated him for it, Ben would never send Mal back to the Isle.

“For now, you are suspended from classes.” Fairy Godmother continued, “And confined to your room. Meals and classwork will be delivered to you, but other than use of the restroom and showers, of course, you are not to go anywhere else. Do I make myself clear, Mal?”

“Yes.”

“Here’s your chemistry homework.” Evie dropped a pile of worksheets and lab articles down on the bed where Mal was sprawled out like a starfish. “You really should try and get some of this done. You’ll be behind if you don’t.”

“What’s the point? I won’t be here much longer anyway.” Mal sighed and rolled over. Fairy Godmother and Ben were set to meet with the Charmings this weekend and Mal refused to acknowledge the painful churning her stomach was doing at the thought. If they sent her back, she would be alone. Again.

Evie pinched Mal’s ear ruthlessly and twisted. “Stop talking like that! If Ben is there, you know he won’t let that happen.”

Mal nearly shrieked at the pain, and slapped Evie’s pinching little fingers away. “God, E, back off!”

“You’ve been moping around for nearly a week. Jay and Carlos are worried sick and so am I.” Evie delicately, as she did with everything, smoothed out her blue skirts and sat down next to Mal on the bed. Mal felt the girl’s gentle breathing ghost against her bare arm and she shivered. “We would never let you go back, Mal, no matter what Fairy Godmother and Ben decide. We would kill all of them, everyone who tried to send you away. I have been practicing my poison making and I could take them all out with a single drop in their food.” She was serious, Mal could hear the bloodlust in her voice. 

Evie, who was usually as gentle and docile as Carlos when it came to violence, held nothing back when her friend’s were threatened and she was no stranger to murder. Mal recalled vividly a pirate dying of horrible stomach cramps and bleeding from his eyes strangely after he groped Carlos in an alley and promised to come back for more .  

Mal relaxed slightly as Evie’s hand stroked up and down her arm, brushing against the fine hairs and sending tingles down to her finger tips. Mal sighed and rolled over until her face was practically in Evie’s lap. Evie smelled like rose perfume, the kind that Audrey might wear to impress her latest conquest. Usually it made Mal gag, but on Evie it was a comfort because it was just so completely her .

“I can’t go back, Eves.” Mal whispered, afraid to acknowledge this terrifying truth out loud. “I can’t do it.”

Evie’s tender hands moved from Mal’s arms to her purple waves and began threading fingers through the strands like the expert stylist she was. She braided Mal’s hair for over an hour, undoing and redoing them until Mal’s breathing had calmed and the girl had fallen into a restless sleep. Then Evie laid down beside the girl and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, a kiss that held one message and one message only.

I’m not letting you go.

The day of the meeting with the Charmings came fast and without even realizing it, Mal had accumulated a bit of an army. The expected people were there, of course. Evie, Carlos, and Jay all took turns watching the door, keeping a look out for any potential guards that might be coming with an overly determined and aggressive countenance. 

Currently Carlos and Jay were surrounding Mal’s bed, Carlos beneath the blankets with Mal, stroking her hair and breathing a soft melody in her ear that she recognized vaguely as some kind of lullaby. On any other given day, she would have been greatly insulted that the youngest of the group was coddling her, but today...today she welcomed Carlos’ gentle touch and soft hums.

Jay was at the foot of the bed, back rod straight, arms flexed and ready to fight whatever enemy may come through the door. He had been beneath the covers just an hour ago and Jay’s method of comfort was wholly physically. He kept Mal encased in his arms, thumbs traveling in slow circles on her skin and his chin rested on her head. He even rocked for a bit.      

This was what Mal had expected, the VK’s at her side and diligently watching her back. It was how it had always been and Mal knew that if this situation had befallen one of them, she would have done the same. What Mal had not expected, however, were other Auradon kids to start popping up throughout the day and stationing themself around the room.

First, it was Doug, who Mal assumed came to keep Evie company. But the son of Dopey quickly came to her beside and placed a supportive hand on her shoulder and gave his typical dorky smile. Then came Lonnie, who Mal quite liked anyway, with little cakes and tea for everyone. Mal noticed a glinting dagger hidden in her silk sash, but said nothing as the girl found a comfortable chair to curl up in instead of going about her day. Then came Ally with her book of riddles and jokes from the Mad Hatter, then Aziz with some sort of calming incense straight from Agrahbah, Jane followed almost immediately with her apologetic smiles and kind encouragements and a delicately woven flower crown of violets. This was all very shocking to Mal, who had only ever had her three friends on her side, protecting her, watching her back, comforting her and licking her wounds.

But then, an even greater shock hit when a hesitant knock sounded at the door and Evie opened it to reveal Audrey. The girl was slumped and nervous looking, her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her skirt as she timidly stepped over the threshold and glanced around the room, taking in the multitude of faces that had carved out a permanent spot in Mal and Evie’s room. Then her eyes fell on Mal’s and she walked straight to her bed where she was still curled against Carlos, all earlier signs of anxiety now gone.

Audrey, in a way, reminded Mal a lot of herself. The girl was confident to a fault, a trueborn leader, and she was willing to be nasty if it meant getting what she wanted and maybe that was why the two had clashed so horribly when the VKs first arrived in Auradon. It was known on the Isle that two Alphas could not cohabitate together for long—one was bound to rip the other’s throat out eventually. And when Audrey stared straight into Mal’s green eyes without even a hint of fear, Mal knew she was without a doubt, an alpha.

“I won’t let them send you back.” Audrey said. “Chad is a grade A douche when he wants to be and he deserved it. My parents are discussing the matter with Fairy Godmother and the king as well.” Then she gave something of a wicked smirk, one that Mal never thought she’d ever see on the face of an Auradon kid. “The Charmings aren’t the only influential royals around and I think everyone can agree that Queen Aurora should have some say in what happens with Maleficent’s daughter.”  

Mal wasn’t so sure about that last part, but if Aurora was on her side then she wasn’t about to complain. Audrey found a seat beside Aziz and kept her eyes firmly on the floor, listening, waiting for when she was needed.

No word would come until seven o’clock that night when the tension was thickest and Mal was about ready to lose her mind. Mal had excused herself to use the restroom, a journey which Jay and Carlos insisted on accompanying her on.

Once in the safety of the stall where no one could see or hear her, Mal dug her green painted nails furiously into the skin of her arms. She squeezed until the pain finally went numb and then she released. Little pink crescent wounds were left and  they stung when Mal brushed a finger over them. She needed that, just some semblance of control before she could go back into that room. Being vulnerable, being weak, it never got anyone anywhere except dead on the Isle. But here, here it was seen as a cry for help, a cry that was always answered with genuine actions and kindness. Mal didn’t know how to react to that when she had experienced so little before.

And what if the worst happened? What if all of Ben’s smooth diplomacy and Fairy Godmother’s forgiveness and Aurora’s presumptuous claim to Mal’s fate, lead to the Isle? What if, even in Auradon where everything was meant to be just and fair, Mal was sent back to the Isle for one foolish mistake? She wasn’t completely good, no one was, but the rules were different for villain kids with track records and if there was one thing Mal knew for sure, it was that she would kill herself before she went back to the Isle.

Opening the door to her stall, Mal stepped out and looked at herself in the mirror. She surely didn’t look like the ruthless leader of the VKs that she was meant to be. Even the strongest had moments where they crumbled, though, and Mal never had to worry about the aftermath because she knew that Evie and Jay and Carlos were all waiting to catch her. And apparently about half the Auradon Prep student body, if what she heard from Lonnie was true. Apparently, a bunch of students were already assembling a protest if Mal should find herself expelled.

Relaxing her shoulders, Mal splashed some water on her face. She believed in Ben, he had done everything in his power to give her and her friends a second (first?) chance when everyone else had turned their noses up at the Isle and pretended it didn’t exist. He had held her tenderly through what she now knew were panic attacks and had been the first (and only for a while) person in Auradon to show her an ounce of trust. Mal trusted him to see this through. But Mal didn’t necessarily extend that same trust to Fairy Godmother and certainly not to Aurora.

“Mal! Mal, Fairy Godmother and Ben are here!” Carlos hissed through the cracked bathroom door.

Mal practically bolted. She whipped open the door and plowed right into Jay’s chest. Gripping her arms firmly, Jay held her still and looked straight into her eyes. “No matter what happens, I’m not letting them take you. Do you understand?”

Staring into his eyes, Mal completely understood. Jay was ready to fight, he was ready to kill. She could see the gleaming savagery in his eyes that he had been known for on the Isle. There was a reason Mal had chosen Jay as her right hand and she had never felt more at peace with that choice than she did now.

“I know.” She whispered, “But if the worst happens—no, listen!” She insisted when she saw he was ready to argue. “If the worst happens, you have to look out for Carlos and Evie. They need you. I can take care of myself, but those two…” Mal trailed off as she glanced over to Carlos, who had removed himself to a respectable distance while the two talked quietly. “They need you to be strong to see them through this.” Gripping at Jay’s leather vest, Mal leaned up close, their lips nearly touching. “Do not get yourself sent back because of me. You guys all have a life here, happiness. I won’t be responsible for ruining that.”

“I make my own choices.” Jay intoned gravely, “But I’ll make sure those two are taken care of before I do anything rash.”

Mal nodded. That was all she could ask for when it came to Jay.

“They have guards.” Carlos said nervously, returning to Mal and Jay’s side when their conversation had seemingly ended. “Three of them.”

Jay nodded, “Let’s go hear the verdict.”

Surprisingly, when the three VKs returned to the dorm, Fairy Godmother gave a kindly smile—but that didn’t mean anything. That fairy was always smiling like a high wattage light bulb that never died, even in the dreariest of times. Mal focused more on Ben’s expression. It was blank. Bad sign.

“Mal, dear, we’d like to speak with you in private.” Fairy Godmother said, nervously eyeing the vast amount of bodies in the dorm room. “Might we have a moment, ladies and gentlemen?”

The silent resounding no was obvious, but the students filed out quietly without protest. They did not leave the hall, though.

Mal readied herself and followed Ben and Fairy Godmother inside the room. The guards did not follow. That , Mal decided, was a little reassuring.

The moment the door shut, Mal did not waste a second. “Are you sending me back?”

Fairy Godmother smiled brightly and Ben released a large sigh that had clearly been sitting in his chest for ages.

“No, dear one, you will not be returning to the Isle.” Fairy Godmother chirped.

“We all managed to convince the Charmings how unwise it would be of them to pursue that route any further, considering the vast amount of disciplinary files that exist regarding their son.” Ben explained with a familiar air of slyness. Mal smirked in return. “Queen Aurora also spoke highly of you and expressed that banishing a child to the Isle for a child’s silly squabble was inhumane and would not speak well of the Charming’s morality. It didn’t take much more than that to put the matter to rest.” Ben took Mal’s hands into his own and squeezed firmly, smiling kindly at her in that charming way that had first captured her heart. “And since you’ve been suspended for the past week, we all agreed that you have served your punishment and can return to classes on Monday.”

Mal felt then as if she might just collapse from the relief of it all.

“Please remember our other forms of conflict resolution next time, Mal.” Fairy Godmother reminded. “Violence is never the answer in Auradon.”

Mal had plenty evidence to offer to the contrary, but she kept her mouth shut and leaned into Ben’s warmth. He wrapped his arms around and hummed a long sigh as Mal melted against him.

Things returned to normal, whatever that was, after that. Chad eerily avoided Mal or anyone else in the group and was conveniently benched during Tourney whenever Jay was on the field, which was a majority of the time. The little princeling didn’t even so much as glance in Carlos’ direction anymore, which was both a blessing and a curse. Carlos was an expert at blaming himself for anything and everything that ever went wrong thanks to Cruella’s unyielding blame and criticism.

“It’s my fault. You hit him because of me and that’s why all that shit happened.” Hearing Carlos swear was a red flag for the group, it meant he was slipping. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Imsorryimsorryimsorry—” But Mal shut him up with a quick kiss before sandwiching the boy between herself and Jay while Evie played with his hair from behind.

“I make my own choices.” Mal said, mirroring Jay’s earlier sentiment. “Chad is a prick, everyone agrees. It was about time someone stood up to him and it had nothing to do with you, pup.” Mal tweaked his nose playfully, which earned her a bemused look. “And now he won’t ever mouth off again and I’m safe. We’re all safe.” Because that was what was most important and what mattered most to Carlos, who had never known anything but unsafe until coming to Auradon.

Carlos calmed minutely, but it was enough to where panicked talk eventually bled into Jay’s gentle teasing him about his Tourney plays and Evie discussing his latest inventions. Mal hung back and simply observed the slow diffusion that was so familiar and so natural to each of them.

She was safe. Everyone was safe. And Mal had even more allies...no, friends, than she ever could have imagined possible.

She couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

#Tori Talk #Text #Descendants #Descendants 2 #Descendants Fanfiction #Fanfiction #My Writing #Malvie #Bal #The Core Four #Mal x Ben #Mal x Evie #Evie x Mal x Jay x Carlos

[endof-theline]

AU Yeah August | Day Eight: Podcast

Steve, Sam and Bucky are dating and have a popular podcast, Tony is one of their listeners, what happens when Steve meets Tony on the job... in hospital

On Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20168896

Steve, Sam and Bucky ran their own podcast where they spoke about mental health, especially after being in the armed forces as both Steve and Bucky were in the army while Sam had been air force. Since leaving the force Sam had trained and became a psychologist specialising in PTSD, Anxiety and Depression patients so he was their main advice man when it came to the people asking for help or sometimes just asking questions about mental health. Steve had trained hard to become a nurse and now worked in the ER, while Bucky, once he had been fitted with a new prosthetic arm, had become a chef.

In the beginning, it was very tricky for the trio to not take the people’s problems home with them and tried hard not to think too much about it after they had answered the questions. They stopped answering so many people telling their own horror stories per podcast and instead spread them out, they explained why they had made their decision and everyone had accepted that and thanked them for being honest with them.

One caller had a nickname between the boys as he emailed them often with updates, his name to the world was just TS while the boys had named him Tones. Tones listened to every episode of their podcast and often spoke of the abusive family situation he was in between an aggressive, drunken father, neglectful mother and his malicious uncle. He was currently at University but he was too young to be allowed to move onto campus or move out of the home, he didn’t feel safe going to see someone about his situation and every time Tones didn’t email them, the boys all worried to themselves about him and if he was okay.

“And our last email is from TS, TS’s email says ‘Hello again, I’m glad to announce that my dad and uncle are going on a business trip for a couple weeks! My mum has decided to live in two rooms of the house while they are away so that she doesn’t have to see me, she goes out every evening and usually doesn’t come back until the morning and because of my studies I’m back to being out of the house most of the day so I won’t have to see her either.

My friend is going to join the air force soon and I want to be supportive but listening to everyone here, I don’t want him to leave and get hurt. I know it’s selfish but I also don’t want him to leave because whenever my dad knows my friend ‘R’ is going to see me he doesn’t hurt me as badly because R has threatened my dad in the past to take him to the police, I stopped him from doing that due to threats on R’s life by uncle and father made later.

Should I just keep my thoughts to myself or shall I tell him that I’m afraid of what will happen when he goes away?’” Steve read out for the group and both Sam and Bucky hummed softly when he finished his reading.

“The air force takes a while to work up to so he won’t be up in the air and fighting straight away, he may decide it’s not for him and quit out. I think it’s important that you tell R that you’re worried about him going off to fight as he may be able to settle your nerves about it and please do remember TS that most people talking about their experiences here have had an accident so they won’t speak positively” Sam explained kindly as he left Steve and Bucky to think it through fully before speaking up as well “I had a good time in the air force and I probably wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t for Riley’s accident”

“I spoke up about Bucky joining the army before he left and we made an agreement for him to keep in contact with me so I wasn’t worrying about him as much as I would if he barely spoke to me” Steve explained as he looked over to Bucky who was nodding along “Was it hard to get information over to me, Buck?”

“Not too difficult most of the time, when I was out in dead spots I didn’t like to give a specific time for me to be out of them as things could slow it down and I knew it would freak Steve out if I wasn’t contacting him by the time I said I would” Bucky joined before clearing his throat away from the microphone “I do want to add that I’m glad you’re safe for a while in your home and I do hope that perhaps if R goes away you speak up about the situation since he won’t be around you to be harmed”

Both Sam and Steve made noises of agreement before they got a ping from their emails and glanced over at it, surprised to see that it was TS himself again. Opening it up and reading it through left an awkward silence in the recording but it was something that Sam could edit out later, though Steve’s frantic swearing as he bolted from the room and grabbed his uniform as Bucky and Sam yelled after him was going to harder.

“Um, well, we’ve got gotten an email from TS telling us that he has been hospitalised in the ER and will try to keep us informed, Steve has actually just run out this house and, yup, is riding his bike to work so we might be able to let you all know a bit sooner” Sam said a bit shakily as he looked over to Bucky who was frantically texting Sharron, one of Steve’s nurse friends that was meant to be working tonight to see if she’ll change shifts with Steve as he was heading in already “Keep an eye out on our social media and we’ll let you know what we can, think I’m going to leave that pause in so you guys can understand why this episode is going to be so short. Say goodbye Buck!”

“See you next time!” Bucky chirped before going back to being stone faced and letting himself fall back into his chair, Sam signed off and stopped recording “We can’t go, right? Tell me we’re not allowed”

“It’s hard Bucky, but yeah we can’t go visit him, let Stevie see him and maybe we can see him when he’s okay again. As much as we ‘talk’ to him, we don’t actually know him” Sam stood up and slid himself into Bucky’s lap, Bucky immediately putting his phone down and wrapping his arms around Sam to bring him into a hug “I know, we’ve just to trust Stevie to get to him and help him”

Steve was straight into his uniform and out on the ER floor, one of his coworkers put him to work straight away and led him over to a young man laying in a bed, bruised heavily, looking like he had broken bones and stab wounds.

"Tony, this is Steve, he's going to be taking over looking after you, okay?" They asked and Tony, the man in the bed, just nodded and peeled open his eyes to look up at him with a weak smile.

“Hey, can you tell me what happened Tony? I’m just going to read through your notes as you talk to me” Steve said softly, picking up the clipboard and moving to stand beside him, Tony swallowed thickly and nodded again.

“I was beat up and attacked, my friend called the ambulance but couldn’t come with me” He said and Steve knew that look on the man’s face, knew he wasn’t getting the full truth out of him.

“Did you know your attacker?” Steve prompted and Tony, without stopping to think, shook his head no “Alright then, let’s have a look at you”

“Your voice is really familiar” Tony croaked as his eyes roamed over Steve’s face as the man gently felt along Tony’s arm, feeling for broken bones “Do I know you?”

“Can’t say I recognise you, Tony, but I meet a lot of people here. I’m usually here working or at home working” Steve commented as he took a look over Tony’s face that was still studying his before the younger’s eyes went wide and a shaking hand went over Tony’s mouth as his eyes teared up “Tony? What’s wrong? Are you hurting, I can up your meds if-”

“You’re Steve Rogers! Yo-You do the podcasts with Bucky and Sam!” He started talking excitedly as his heartbeat faster making Steve blush as he heard Tony’s heart monitor beep faster.

“TS? Oh god, I’m so glad you’re okay” Steve sighed happily as he took the least battered hand and gave it a gentle squeeze “The boys will be so relieved, as soon as we read your last email I was on my down here and Bucky and Sam were calling me”

“You came for me?” Tony asked with a sniffle and smiled shakily when Steve nodded at him as he continued to tend to his wounds.

“Will you be honest with me now, Tony? Was it someone in your family that hurt you?” Steve asked once more and now looking into Steve’s crystal blue eyes, one of the men he had been relying on for advice for at least a year or two, he couldn’t lie to him anymore.

“They said it was to remember them by” Tony admitted nervously, Steve gave his hand another squeeze before getting on with his work, he chatted away with Tony while he helped him get sorted out.

Once Tony was finally stable and he was moved somewhere to be monitored, Steve took a brief break to call Bucky and Sam to explain that he had found Tones, he was stable and okay and if Tony accepted them, they may be able to visit him during visiting hours. He also apologised to them for running out on them and thanked Bucky profusely for talking to Sharron for him as well,  he quickly sent a text to her to say his thanks before locking his phone away again and running back into the fray, pushing TS to the back of his mind for the rest of his shift.

“Hey baby” A voice purred in his ear making Steve jump and turn on his heel to see Bucky stood behind him with a grin on his face, Steve had panicked it was a coworker as he had just finished getting out of his uniform “You’ve clocked off, thought you’d like to go see Tones if he lets us”

“I’ve clocked off have I?” Steve snorted as Sam’s arms wrapped around him with his clock out card in his hands “Oh look at that, I guess I have clocked out, hm?”

“Guess you have, let’s go find our Tones” Sam chuckled happily and Steve started to lead his boyfriends away and towards Tony’s bed.

A soft knock on the door woke Tony, but he smiled when he saw it was Steve peeking his head around the door with his own smile on his face.

“Hope you don’t mind, but I’ve got a couple people that really wanted to see you” Steve said softly before opening the door more to reveal Sam and Bucky, Tony laughed hoarsely and waved them over to him with a weak smile. The trio shut the door behind them and all sat around his bed with smiles on their faces.

“Hey Tones, how are you feeling?” Bucky asked softly and Tony nodded before opening his mouth, about to speak before letting out a yawn instead “Sleepy, by the looks of it”

“Yeah, you’re going to be sleepy for a while. How’s your side feeling now?” Steve cooed softly at him, Sam was looking between his two boys and the very young looking man laying in the hospital bed and grinning at the protective look in their eyes.

“Sore, but it’s better than when I came in. I don’t think I’m going to throw up anymore so that’s good” Tony nodded along and gave them a weak smile, Sam, Bucky and Steve all stayed talking to him until Tony fell asleep listening to their voices.

They visited Tony every chance they could, sometimes it would be just one or two of them and rarely all of them would be able to visit Tony at the same time, but Tony was thrilled every time he saw everyone at the same time. Steve managed to encourage the hospital to call Maria about picking up Tony and jumped in when they wondered what to do with the young boy, volunteering to house Tony with him and the boys which they had all agreed on.

Tony’s doctor asked if he would be comfortable with staying with Steve and Tony agreed almost immediately, luckily the hospital were more than happy for Steve to take a few hours off the end of his shift to take Tony back to the trio’s house and as Bucky and Sam knew Tony would be coming home that day, they both had taken the day off as well.

Tony recorded an episode of their podcast with them, joining in as a special guest for the episode, telling his own story and helping the boys answer people’s questions as well. Tony very quickly opened up about his life at home privately to the three men and all of them very quickly realised that they had become protective over the seventeen year old without meaning too, they offered the guest room up as a permanent place to stay if Tony wanted it.

Sam spent many nights holding Tony in his arms as he hummed a soft song Steve had taught him to help coax Tony back to sleep after waking from nightmares, Bucky and Steve usually were the first ones to wake up but Sam always took the lead of calming Tony back down while the others usually made cups of hot chocolate and warm food to help settle Tony’s nerves as they made sure he knew that Howard and Obadiah weren’t going to get him.

After persuading Tony to pursue the abuse claim, Tony had agreed to staying with the three men who had been caring for him, the court had placed guardianship of Tony in the hands of Steve as he was the one who was deemed most suitable despite all living together. One night after calming Tony down, they came to the agreement that Tony had definitely become more like a son to them than a friend they were helping out or even a younger brother, that belief had been solidified when Tony had been injured at college and had to be cared for again and none of them minded helping him dress or wash.

Special guest Tony soon became their abuse adviser and he was a permanent part of the podcast, the older listeners loved that Tony had become a part of their family and the newer ones were given hope that it will work out in the end.

Because for Tony, it couldn’t have ended better.

Notes:

#au yeah august #eotl writes #stevesambucky #what the heck is their ship name #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #sam wilson #podcast #stories #fanfiction

[getyourblisson]

A Look At February 2019

A Look At February 2019

February is normally a month where we tend to thrive and start to see some successes in our lives. It is a time where wisdom in motion unfolds in breaking through the tests and challenges we have been facing. However, this year seems to only partially be supporting that.  This year February is unfolding as a HUGE learning experience for us.

People are still going to be looking for timeless wisdom as a guiding light.  However, they are also, going to be looking for mentors and guides.  Some will naturally find themselves in this position; and others will be seeking it out. It is important that with the 2019 energy patterns present that we really look closely at those that we work with; and that say they want to work with us.

A true mentor does not push you, decide for you, or tell you what is best for you.  They do not demand major sacrifices, or place you in a position of being “less than” at any point; it is more about taking a journey with you both learning together.  This month is likely to see a huge rise in false gurus and teachers; and so it is best to perhaps, even simply gather information and make your choice next month. A real guru will not tell you that you have to decide now; and will have a sliding scale or reasonable payment options, and many will not charge.

When we find the real mentors in the world, they will work with you because of what they see in you. While they may not require a financial payment, what they will require will be honesty and integrity; and that will never be used against you or in an abusive way.  I encourage you to question any guru that uses phrases like “this is in your best interest” or “I am saying/doing this because it will help you”. Do not let their appeals to your ego suck you in; because they can be very good salesmen just by throwing a few terms around here and there.  No true mentor will hold you in fear in any way.

The first 2 ½ weeks of the month finds many people feeling conflicts between the soul-self and the material world.  It will be quite evident where we are not working in alignment; mostly likely that will show itself in our jobs or work.  This is because often times we are working somewhere for money and not because it is aligned with who we are or actually fulfills us beyond material things.

During this time it can be easy to feel dis-heartened, and we may feel too restricted to follow our dreams or heart’s desires.  The key is to not buy into this lie.  The challenge is that there is a tendency to lash out or rebel against what we feel is restricting us.  A strong sense of failure can surface if we choose to buy into these lies.

A key to dealing with this is to provide some space between those that seek to squash your dreams. It will be important that you honor some time in every day for soul nourishing; giving yourself a quite space to be still in, or a peaceful setting that is soothing and calming.  No matter what the material world is offering it is important to find a way to do this.  It can be a walk, a yoga class, meditation, simply taking time to breathe, sitting and watching the night sky or a sunrise/sunset, or any number of things.

Globally we are likely to see some revolts and signs of revolution surface. The inner upheavals are seeking outward expression; especially if they have not been dealt with.  As a result taking time to address our inner upheavals will go a long way in dealing with what can feel like a harsh cruel world void of spirit.

There is nothing wrong with indulging in some material pleasures at this time; the key is to make certain that you are not over-indulging.  Ironically, when we take the time to enjoy things that indulge the earthly senses; it can be a great way to work with heavy material world energy. It can help ease tension and pressure, as long as you are not creating debt doing it.  That being said staying focused on simple, cost effective ways to indulge your senses can bring a great balance to body, mind, and spirit.

The last 1 ½ weeks of the month finds a sense of balance getting restored a little.  This is a time that favors doing a little socializing, working as part of a team or with others.  It is a time where we may have the opportunity to shine a little or step up and take the lead on something.

We are likely to find at this time that success will happen where we have persevered in our own efforts and made responsible choices.  A time where we start to see some results from our efforts.  It can also be a time where we learn if others have swayed us off course; and learn where and with whom we are turning our power over to, by letting them influence our decisions.

It is best to make your own decisions because at this time, those with controlling tendencies and desires to obtain power are likely to use deception to gain followers and keep a sense of control.  Again, give yourself some space and time to make your own decisions.  Even if you value the opinion of others, or know they mean well; they may not be steering you in the direction that is best for you.

If someone in power is feeling threatened, we are likely to see them do what they can to silence those that they fear may threaten their position.  If you find others restricting you at this time, realize that they are operating in fear; particularly a fear of exposing their shortcomings or unethical practices.  You will do best to step back, observe, and let things take their own course at this time.

Speaking up can be very detrimental at this time; and create some very unfavorable results for everyone.  Just observing and letting things take their course will most likely allow them to resolve themselves; as the person will expose their own hidden agendas, or fall by their own actions and not yours.  Remember we are not here to bring others down; and sometimes when others are on a destructive path, it is important to step out of the way to avoid being hurt.

I provide the example of a hurricane for you here.  A hurricane is a powerful force that is spinning basically out of control.  You can run around and confront the hurricane and tell everyone that the hurricane is destroying everything; but it will not stop the hurricane from doing what it is doing.  If you choose to stand in the path of the hurricane you will be destroyed with everything else in its path.  However, if you step out of the way, you can avoid being harmed; and eventually the hurricane will settle down.  The hurricane shows itself as destructive if you get out of the way; confronting it only makes it stronger and creates further damage.

I welcome you to consider what feels like timeless wisdom to you.  Are there phrases that seem to apply to anything at any time?

I welcome you to explore what it means to be or have a mentor in your life.  What type of relationship would you want this to be?

I welcome you to indulge your senses in cost effective ways.

I welcome you to explore making your own decisions without the input of others.

I welcome you to explore the power of observation and stepping out of the way.

 Actions to focus on

From the 1st – 14th will be a great time for us to put into motion physical exercise programs or other health regimes for ourselves.  How we take care of our body at this time can play a big role in the direction our health goes; as well as the success we experience in other areas of our lives.  A healthy body generates health in other areas including finances and love. However, unhealthy choices at this time can also have greater detrimental health impacts as well.  The more care you are giving to your body, the greater the flow in all areas of life; and the more you will generate “luck”.

From the 15th – 28th you may find yourself feeling physically challenged due to stress.  It is important to not let go of the healthy patterns established earlier in the month. The code patterns here, find people feeling challenged in some way on the physical level.  The key is to adjust your physical movement and health options to those things that will be easier on the body.  For example, try choosing restorative yoga over running, focusing on the core muscles in the body, and eating foods that are very easy on the digestive system.

When the body is in stress, it has a very difficult time digesting food.  Things that are more liquid based such as soups, yogurts, Probiotics, soft in texture will be better.  Many times, the body will not even really need food; but simply needs to have extra rest.

Things that help the muscles relax will also be favored at this time.  This may include a hot bath or shower, stretching, breathing, etc. Think peaceful and soothing in your choices.

I welcome you to take time to honor your body.

I welcome you to consider what a strong body and good health mean for you?

I welcome you to explore the interaction between good health and other areas of your life.

 What to focus your thoughts on

From the 1st – 10th communications are favored, and this can be a great time to speak up about what is on your mind.  This is a time for you to be heard.  This time favors thinking about what is important to you, and what you would like to share with others.  Thus, we will do best to talk about our thoughts and ideas; exploring how to put them in motion.  I would say be careful of those that are unwilling to share at this time, as there may be hidden or known patterns of manipulation or control going on.  Give your thoughts an outlet to manifest.

From the 11th – 28th it is easy to get into downward mental spirals.  There is a tendency towards seeing the worst of things, and getting wrapped up in what isn’t working or feels “disastrous” to us. During this time we will do best to work with re-framing our thoughts; and being careful of who we spend time with. It will be important to not avoid the uncomfortable thoughts; but to also find those people and places that help you stay in a more positive mindset.  Staying in a mindset of positive possibility can go a long way to seeing ourselves through, as can a positive friend.

Our mind is also greatly affected by what we are doing with our body.  Since both mind and body are challenged at this time, it will be wise to take advantage of any time outside in the Sun that you possibly can; even if it is just for a few minutes.  The nutrients, particularly vitamin D3, will be very important to keeping our mind and thoughts in a direction that supports us.

I welcome you to explore ways and opportunities to speak your mind and voice your opinion.  How can this be done in non-confrontational ways?

I welcome you to be conscious of how people, places, and situations are influencing your thoughts.

I welcome you to pay attention to how your mind responds when you care for your body.

 Nourishing The Soul

During this month the soul self really wants to soar.  It will not want to be held back.  That means that it is important for us to take time to make certain we spend time in those activities and environments that nourish us from within.

We have some very deep soul releasing opportunities right now, so anything that allows you to bring closure to old patterns, thoughts, and behaviors will be beneficial. Introspection will also be very beneficial at this time.  While we can do major retreats to release anything that we feel is preventing us from living a soul filled life; we can also do simple things to connect and allow ourselves to let go of what is in conflict with the soul’s path.

I have found that it is simple things, and minimal doing that can often times be beneficial at these times.  These are times of major transition, and sometimes rest (even if one is awake) in quiet peaceful settings can do more than major activities.  This can be sitting and watching for signs that a new season is working its way in.  It can be taking a slow and gentle walk.  It can be breathing in the Sunrise.  Our souls are craving release and freedom from what restrains us from living freely. The more we are active in that process the smoother the transition will be.

I welcome you to explore what inside of you feels like it needs to be released. How can you do this with a loving blessing?

I welcome you to honor some quiet moments of introspection.

I welcome you to engage in something simple that fills your heart.

The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

#Jesse An Nichols George #The Code Journey #Compassion #enlightenment #consciousness #conscious living #love #personal development #wellness #wholeness #well-being #wealth #joy #happiness #hallmark #enrichment #practical spirituality #alignment #creating #mission #journey

[theinkstainsblog]

Do you mind if I ask how you feel about J. K. Rowlings? You mentioned you don't like her personally, I'm just curious why :)

no i don’t mind although the last time I talked about this it sparked off a lot of debate so we’ll have to see how this goes.

This is gonna be long sorry about that…

Like I said I admire her very much as a writer and the Harry Potter books were a huge part of my childhood that I’ll always treasure but she’s done an awful lot of things that mean I just don’t feel I can support her anymore. And it’s mostly not problematic stuff within the text (they’re all very straight and very white but so are a lot of books) it’s problematic stuff outside of it. And while everyone is problematic to a degree my issue with Rowling is that she doesn’t listen to marginalised fans when they try and tell her she’s been hurtful, she blocks them and goes “la, la la la, i can’t hear you, i’m too perfect.” Which… don’t become an author if you can’t take any criticism. 

So first off she’s homophobic and transphobic.

1). There’s the Dumbledore thing. She lists him as being gay in the books on twitter but its not canon cause its never even hinted in the text. However, she does act like that’s proper representation and LGBT fans should adore her for it (wants the adoration without doing the work).

2). This has then got worse recently because the next Fantastic Beasts film is supposed to build on Dumbledore and Grindelwald when Grindelwald is coming to power. We know that supposedly Dumbledore was in love with Grindelwald as a kid and that’s why it takes him so long to bring Grindelwald down. So its massively relevant to this film’s plot then right?? And she’s already said he’s gay so it will be made canon now right?? Wrong. She’s stated she’s not doing anything to do with it at all. Because she loves getting fake ally points but hates actually doing anything.

(This is the part where someone tries to tell me something about how Hollywood won’t allow gay characters and its nothing to do with Rowling.. and I’m sorry but no. a). she writes the damn scripts for these films but chose not to put it in there b). she’s rich and powerful and popular enough that if she threatened to pull it if they didn’t do it right they’d listen. No way they’re going to lose the moneymaker that is the next Fantastic Beasts)

3). Everytime queer fans tried to bring this up, even very politely, she blocks them and accuses them of bullying. Is that really anyway to treat lifelong fans just because they raise an issue they’re worried about? Especially when its her books that helped teach a lot of us to speak up when we see something wrong.

4). The queerbaiting in Cursed Child. Now she didn’t write this one so she’s not directly involved I guess. I haven’t read Cursed Child so I can’t talk on it much but if you just google queerbaiting in Cursed Child you should be able to find out more.

5). She recently stated that the werewolves are a metaphor for the AIDs crisis. Now a). personally, I think there are certain narratives that belong to the people they happened to and the AIDs crisis would be one of them so she needs to get her dirty straight fingers the hell off of that. b). besides Lupin one of the main werewolves is Fenrir, a guy who literally just goes around biting children to turn them. That sounds massively like the stereotype from that era that gay men were just predators and paedophiles and were out to infect your kids.

6). She liked a bunch of tweets where terfs were saying vile things about trans women. She claims this was an accident but you tell me how easy it is to like multiple tweets on the same topic by accident (especially when they shouldn’t even come up on your feed unless you followed people with those views or searched for them). So yeah make of that one what you will but I’m adding transphobia to the list.

Next up we have racism and cultural appropriation. Now I’m white so I can’t talk about this in as much detail as others can and I apologise if I miss something! 

1). Cho Chang.. So she’s one of very very few non-white characters in the books and it’s patently obvious that Rowling didn’t do even the slightest bit of research on how to represent her (you can tell because both Cho and Chang are actually surnames so… what the fuck). 

2). Her narrative is incredibly stereotypical and harmful. Here’s a poem by Rachel Rostad that explains that much better than I ever could.

3). The Pavartis… they’re small side characters but their biggest moment is probably going to the Ball with Harry and Ron. Where they’re promptly ignored and sidelined. Because who cares about brown girls right?

4). Rowling keeps taking concepts like the thunderbirds to use in her world-building that Native American people have asked not to be used in fantasy because it’s of cultural importance to them. Ignoring that request is… well, cultural appropriation no matter how you look at it. 

Then there’s the abuse apologism… 

1). She allows Depp to be in her films despite what he’s done (abused his partner) and how many fans of expressed discomfort with that. Even if it was the studio pushing for that, she could have spoken out against it (something that’s at the core of her book's message - speak out when bad stuff happens) but instead she wrote some bs about being in full support of him. 

So yeah… I still love and always will love the Harry Potter books despite their flaws. My issue with JK Rowling isn’t in her writing itself but in the fact that she is unable to let it die. Every time someone tries to criticise her she makes up something to make herself look like a great ally when in reality she has no intention of caring for marginalised fans e.g. rather than accepting that her books have no gay characters and she should do better, she randomly decides Dumbledore is gay. 

Because of this, I can no longer feel comfortable supporting her and I won’t be going to see the new film or giving her any more of my money. It’s fanfiction and headcanons only for me! 

#harry potter #hp discourse #jk rowling

[jadekitty777]

Time for a friendship PSA

I want to take a minute and talk about this scene:

Because I see that a lot of people use this moment as evidence to make claims that Tai and Qrow aren’t really good friends or even that they hate each other. And while canon hasn’t exactly disproven this possibility, I do feel there’s WAY more evidence to support the opposite is true. So, let me take a few minutes of y’all’s time to show why.

So, since this is the crutch of the issue, let’s start with the scene in question, analyze some of the language used and break it down through the context given to us as well.

We’ll begin with the dialogue:

Tai: Things are just kind of a mess right now.

Qrow: It’s always a mess. Mind if we have a minute?

Tai: What, I can’t stay here?

Qrow: Tai, please.

So, Qrow especially is interesting here – his wording and his demeanor, asking for permission and even saying ‘please’, it’s all very respectful. But, this is also the same guy who started a fight in the courtyard with an Atlasian specialist and outright verbally put down a military general because he didn’t agree with their methods. Not to mention outright arguing with the headmaster of Haven Academy and antagonizing his own sister. He’s a sassy little shit with pretty much everyone no matter who they are or what their level of authority is. He’s the kind of guy who would talk down the Gods themselves if given half a chance. In fact, as far as peers go (not kids, that’s a whole other ballgame), the only other person we’ve seen Qrow really dial down his attitude for and give his respect to is Ozpin, who he trusts completely and is absolutely loyal to.

So for him to be just as humble with Tai, to me, speaks volumes on how he feels about him as both a teammate and friend.

Now, about Tai…

Let’s get a feel for his personality first: With his children, he’s warm and caring, trying to encourage them to better themselves whether it be with their own shortcomings (Ruby’s lack of sociability) or their mental obstacles (Yang’s discouragement after losing her arm). With Bart and Pete, he’s friendly and, we find out, a bit of a jokester. And, as for Raven, though he has obvious misgivings when he talks about her – of which I’ll go more in depth about in a bit – he still has some level of care of her while still being able to reasonably point out her severe flaws.

But with Qrow? In the scene above, he’s angry at him. Yet, this wasn’t the case in the conversation they had while Ruby was sleeping. They were stressed out about ‘something’ not working and how bad the situation was, but not angry at each other.

So, the question is: What changed and why?

It would be easy to assume it’s because Qrow is shoving him out of his own daughter’s room to tell her about her mystical heritage – but what Tai says isn’t correct for that implication. He asks “I can’t stay here?” implying he knows exactly what Qrow is going to be telling Ruby and furthermore, that they had agreed upon it (interestingly, note also that Qrow was chosen to lead this conversation over Tai). So why is he angry about something he agreed to?

Well, I don’t think it has anything to do with Ruby and has everything to do with Yang. And what makes me think that?

Well, for as much as I made a joke about it in this post, I absolutely believe this is why.

First let’s start with this - look at what happens when Qrow shows the picture to his nieces:

When he notices Yang staring at her, Qrow tries to block out Raven and pulls the picture away. He’s actively trying to dissuade her. And yet, four episodes later, when Yang mentions she saw her mom, he decides ‘Ah fuck it’ and tells her about Raven while verbally acknowledging in that same sequence his sister is a big ball of crazy death feathers? Let’s not even get into the fact he’s probably telling Yang this at the worst possible time when she’s already feeling vulnerable and upset over what happened with Mercury.

And we know Taiyang finds out about this. Remember when Yang is about to leave to go after her sister in Mistral? Taiyang says this to her: “Despite telling him numerous times not to, I know Qrow told you about where your mother’s been these days”.

So knowing that Qrow is not the most… tactful of sorts, what do you want to bet he told Tai at the worst possible time – with Yang dismembered, Ruby comatose, Ozpin and a few kids dead, Beacon Academy a wreck – that, ‘oh yeah so I told Yang where to find Raven’. I can just imagine the fight that would break out. Not just because it went against Tai’s wishes but because, unless it’s a hell of a writing inconsistency, for Qrow to go from trying to hide Raven from Yang to instead outright telling her, it seems Qrow broke a promise doing so.

And if he did, I’m sorry but Tai has every right to be pissed off about it. And anger, especially fresh anger, is an emotion that bleeds into everything, which would explain the immediate tension between them.

And for those of you thinking that it’s wrong for Taiyang to keep Yang from her mom and Qrow is more in the right by breaking his word, let me ask you…

Is he?

I’m just going to take one line of dialogue of Raven’s from each of the three conversations she has with Yang:

Episode 4, Raven’s first spoken words to her daughter: So, after all this time, you finally decided to visit me.

Episode 14, Raven verbally putting her daughter down: Who do you think you are lecturing me? Standing there, shaking like a scared little girl?

Episode 6, Raven threatening her daughter: If you side with your uncle, I may not be as kind next time we meet.

So let me ask you again, IS HE?!

While I honestly love her to bits and wish for a lot more with her character, for what we have in canon, Raven is a manipulative, cruel, coldhearted and borderline sociopathic individual who is NOT above abusing or using people to get her way. And we see sides of that not just with Yang but with Qrow too. Obvious murder plots aside, her consistent use of the term ‘little brother’ rather than his name comes off very condescending especially when they’re twins and her grabbing his wrist during their conversation in the bar was a sign of force.

Would it really be so much of a stretch to guess that this behavior was used against someone else? Maybe someone like a former lover?

If there was any sight or sign that Tai was keeping his daughter away from a loving mom who, upon seeing her, just came running over to embrace her and tell her how much she missed her (IE. Kali with Blake), yeah maybe I’d have a problem with his decision. But that was not Raven. Raven was a standoffish egomaniac who went on and on like Yang did a really good job to find her, like getting her respect and love needs to be earned not given.

And imagine how devastating this is for Yang too. One of the biggest character goals we learn about her is how much she wants to find her mom; and to be given this as a result of that journey? No matter what age Yang is, that’s absolutely soul-crushing. And we see that full effect towards the end of episode 14, when she breaks down and cries.

And Tai trying to protect Yang from that? From something he probably experienced and was hurt by first hand? That’s called being a parent. It doesn’t matter that Raven is her mom, Raven is also an active force that can, will and DOES hurt Yang. And being mad at Qrow because he feels that he’s helping put her in the pathway of that hurt, especially if they had an agreement not to? Yeah that’s fair.

So going back to Qrow and Tai: Do I think they hate each other?

No, not at all.

Do I think Taiyang is pissed off at Qrow for very legitimate and fair reasons?

Yes. Yes I do.

Do I think this is an overview of their entire relationship as a whole?

Hell fucking no.

Even the best of friends don’t agree with each other on everything. Sometimes friends fight, or disappoint each other, or hurt each other. Being human and making mistakes is part of living and sometimes those mistakes happen with people you care about. But just because you’re angry or don’t agree with their actions doesn’t necessarily mean you stopped loving them.

There’s also several other things we can pull from canon that are true or even is implied to be true:

A.      Despite rocky beginnings (I’m looking at you skirt incident), Team STRQ became an extraordinary team, which could only be the case if they learned to work together as one, and it was torn apart solely because of Raven’s actions. Neither Qrow nor Tai have ever said or implied any blame on anyone else but her for that.

B.      Qrow and Taiyang both were teachers at Signal – a job that Qrow himself says wasn’t a good fit for him. So why choose something like it to stay nearby unless…

C.      Qrow was likely around a lot after Summer’s death to the point of having a hand in raising the girls. Both his nieces exhibit how close they are to Qrow during the show’s duration and, from these two conversation sequences, it’s obvious the girls look at Qrow as a second father figure

-Season 3: Qrow tells them “Just remember you still have a long way to go. Don’t think graduating means you’re done.”

-Season 4: Tai parallels this by saying “Adult or not, you’ve still got a long way to go before you’re ready for the real world.” Of which Yang’s response is “Oh my gosh does every father figure just have the same three condescending phrases?”

D.      Also, while it’s unclear, the “she” Qrow is talking to ‘Tai’ about that “isn’t coming back” during his poisoned hallucinations was likely Summer. But…

E.       Even if it’s not, even if it were Raven, this still shows that Qrow was there to try and talk to and support Tai through a moment of loss. But if he was around enough to have the girls look up to him like a second dad, then that also means Qrow was there a lot for Tai too.

F.       Tai gave Qrow his trust in both showing Ruby how to wield a scythe, which is what Ozpin claims as ‘one of the most dangerous weapons ever designed’ and no doubt can only be perfected with years and years of hard work, as well as – again I reiterate – telling her about her heritage.

G.      Equally, Tai also allowed Qrow to train her despite knowing his semblance of bad luck is uncontrollable and unpredictable and would be more active when he is using aura, simply because he believed in him enough to protect her if something went wrong.

H.      The lucky convenience of Qrow showing up to save Yang and Ruby when they were toddlers was likely not one at all. Either 1. Tai returned home and called Qrow immediately upon realizing the girls were missing or 2. Qrow came by the house himself, possibly to watch the kids or because he was living there, and found them missing.

In short:

These two are actually married.

I mean, best friends.

This has been a PSA.

#qrow branwen #taiyang xiao long #qrow #taiyang #raven branwen #yang xiao long #ruby rose #rwby #Kind of a theory I guess at certain parts?

[reifromrfa]

RFA guys + Minor Trio are Vampires

Hey hey hey!! Here’s more Halloween HCs for you guys, written by the amazing @rainydayswriter and yours truly! It was so funny watching each other’s ideas and continuing the story and we hope you guys enjoy reading our masterpieces (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

Check out @rainydayswriter​ ‘s blog for more awesome content!!!

Yoosung

Yoosung protects

Seriously though, all he wants to do is make sure you’re safe and happy, so having superhuman strength and speed gives him the ability to do just that!

So?? Adorable???

Uses his powers to save cats from trees

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

Lol ask him to bite you and watch him have a crisis

Super speed helps him with his studies and gives him more time to play LOLOL

Maybe if he makes you immortal you won’t leave him like Rika did welp

He can see well in the dark, so no need to be afraid of the dark anymore!

Still checks under the bed for monsters though this cutie

Shapeshifts into a bat when you’re mad at him because damn it he’s just so cute you can’t yell at a little bat

With the wrong type of encouragement, you’ll have yourself a full-blown possessive vampire boyfriend, which is someone you will never be able to leave, so make this choice wisely~

If you make the decision to be with him forever

He would be so!!! Excited!!!

It’ll be like an eternal sleepover with your best friend!

Zen

Stereotypical gorgeous vampire much?

He was already handsome as a mortal, now it’s 100x harder to keep people away from him ;;;

Guess this explains the red eyes

Still an absolute theater nerd

“Careful, babe,” he’ll say with a fanged smile, “you wouldn’t want to release the Beast.”

Hates to be hungry in front of you, it makes him...hungry ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you know exactly what we’re talking about

What if he hurts you? Or what if he frightens you? What if you find him revolting?

“Hyun, let’s be honest...you’re not revolting. You’re THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON ON THIS PLANET.”

Oh God he’d be shedding tears of joy

He doesn’t feel cold anymore, but when you guys go to the rooftop to gaze at stars he always makes sure to bring a jacket and blankets for you

Would definitely ask you to consider living an immortal life with him and he’d be elated if you agree

Of course after you’ve turned he wouldn’t be afraid of hurting you anymore and omg imagine all the broken furniture after he unleashes the beast  

Jaehee

You’d have to be nothing less than superhuman to be Jumin’s assistant

So efficient in everything she does, so graceful, so breathtaking!

But you do not want to get on her bad side

Her glares alone are enough to curdle blood, but threaten the RFA and she will dispose of them without a trace

Jumin recieves a fresh bottle of red wine

When you come into her life she is shook

For so long she’s suppressed her human side to be the perfect assistant, but then here you are, supporting her and making her laugh and she’s experiencing feelings she hasn’t felt in a long time???

She gets so flustered and slightly clumsy around you especially when you compliment her it’s so cute

Going to midnight showings of Zen’s works together!!!

Is unimpressed with vampire jokes, if only because Mr. Han and Seven use them all the time

But if they make you laugh she’ll begrudgingly allow them

She’s so grateful to have you in her unlife, she will always make sure to tell you so

Teaches you all about vampire strengths and weaknesses, including ways to deter them just in case

“Feel free to use pepper spray on Seven if he bothers you too much.”

Any amount of time she spends with you is a blessing

If you bring up wanting to stay at her side forever, she’ll sit you down for a ~serious discussion~

Giving up mortality is a big decision! What if you grow tired of her? Or can’t handle outliving the world around you?

But you want to stay by her side! There’s no changing your mind! You want to protect her as she protects you!

She’s not crying, you’re crying

Okay you’re both crying

Jumin

Tells the most vampire puns, in a totally flat voice and with a totally straight face

“MC, who do you think should be my...necks victim?”

-____________________- Jumin no.

Loves hearing your heart beat faster when he’s close to you

So classy, he drinks blood from wine glasses

It makes sense that’s he’s so rich, he’s had a century to accumulate his wealth

Neck fetish

Jaehee gets a heart attack everytime she enters his office because it’s always so dark

You once visited him in the office and when you came in it was dark

And Jumin whirls around in his chair, stroking Elizabeth the 3rd in his lap with a sinister smile on his face

“Velcome to my lair, MC.”

*facepalm* *roflmao*

But you love this man so much

His staff would be afraid of him but they’re so jealous at how he seems to look effortlessly young and handsome all the time

Regarding immortality, he would want to spend the rest of his life with you but of course he would ask for your consent first

And maybe ask you to sign an agreement contract or two ;;;

Saeyoung

Can be goddamn brooding if he’s alone with his thoughts for too long

Mixes lingo from different eras on purpose

Abuses his godlike strength by constantly sweeping you off your feet

Ask him if he sparkles like the vampires in Twilight

He’ll roll around in glitters and take you to the park, where everyone can marvel at his sparkly skin put your shirt back on you’ve made your point Saeyoung

LOVES cosplaying as Edward Cullen

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” *eyebrow wiggle*

Saeyoung stahp

He will have his broody moments though and he’ll try to push you away because he’s dangerous

An immortal hacker/secret agent,you sure know how to pick ‘em MC

Drives Vanderwood insane because he can make a dozen dog robots in two hours but not finish his work???

If you try to ask him any vampire-related questions, you will never get a straight answer

“Are you afraid of garlic?”

“GAELIC??? MC I KNOW HOW TO SPEAK GAELIC WHY WOULD I BE AFRAID OF IT??? GOD SEVEN FEARS NO LANGUAGES!!!!”

Sigh. “What about running water?”

“Jeez, MC, if you think I stink just tell me. No need to be rude.”

You give up

On a more serious note, he’d go back and forth between wanting you to be with him forever and wanting you to live an actual life

Contents himself with just being around you for a short while, he’ll bow out at soon as you seem to grow tired of him

To prove your love for him, you make him turn you into a vampire, that way you’re also indestructible and you can live out the rest of your life with him

V

There’s something poetic about someone who can’t show up in pictures and old mirrors putting his heart and soul into recreating the world around him through art

With immortality in play, he wants to catch as many moments as he can before they pass by

If you sketch him, he will be so moved because A. he hasn’t seen his own face since becoming a vampire and B. he’s never been the model

Omg V if only you knew you’re as beautiful as your photographs

Have you ever wondered why V is his nickname?

He has to change aliases every few decades and he decided to use the letters of the alphabet; he’s on V now lololol

Knows all the best places and he’ll take you around the world with him

His vampire abilities will only be used for good and for helping others

And also taking photos

“V, please don’t lean so far off the edge” ;;;

“I’m fine, MC. You don’t have to--”

Falls off the cliff

It’s a good thing he doesn’t bleed. Or die.

Would love to spend forever with you but he would never pressure you; would also feel guilty for even thinking that ;;;

But when you reassure him for the millionth time that you love him and want to spend an immortal life with him he finally turns you into a vampire

He spends eternity marveling at the beauty of the world with you and he will do whatever it takes to make you happy and keep you by his side

Saeran

Typical secluded vampire, prefers to venture out in the dead of night

Embraces dark aesthetics

Death toll rises when he’s in a bad mood/thirsty

So intimidating, nobody will ever dare messing with you even when he’s not around

They learned the hard way

He loves looking at the sky so being under the sun doesn’t bother him

He loves looking at you more though

And he’s so stiff and awkward around you because he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt you

Like that time when he held your hand and you ended up at the hospital coz he broke your fingers ;;;

He’s cold to the touch so he doesn’t know what to do when you’re shivering

Will wrap you in a blanket as slowly and gently as he possibly could

By the time he’s done you probably have icicles hanging down your nose lololol

Or he would wear a jacket or a coat when you guys go out so he could offer them to you if ever you get cold

He wants you to stay with him forever and will probably be the least shy or guilty about it

You’re the only person who understands him and accepts him and he’s head over heels in love with you

The thought of living forever without you seems lonely and desolate

He doesn’t even remember how he spent all those centuries without you

Your becoming a vampire would mean the world to him

And omg get ready to experience Saeran in all his glory ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No more holding back! He’s been dying lol no jk he can’t die to hug you and now he holds you every chance he can

Saeran smiles more now and he sincerely looks forward to your future together

Vanderwood

Super speed is used to clean Saeyoung’s room faster

Super senses to track down Saeyoung when he’s avoiding work yet again

Will probably compel Saeyoung to finish his work when he’s desperate ;;;

He’s equivalent to ten bodyguards so you’re always safe

He has a lot of enemies thanks to his job though, so Vandy prefers having you in his line of sight at all times

Even if it means stalking you sometimes ;;;

He gives you his favorite taser so you can defend yourself

Pfft you wouldn’t have to though, Mary Vanderwood the 3rd has you covered

He’ll be like Saeyoung sometimes, trying to act detached and say mean things to get you to stay away from him

But he’s the one who can’t stay away from you

Won’t encourage you to become immortal like him because he doesn’t want you to regret it after a century

But if you choose to be with him, Vanderwood will be so happy and he will love you and protect you for all eternity

#mystic messenger #mysme #mm #mystic messenger hc #mystic messenger headcanon #hc #headcanon #halloween mm hc #halloween #yoosung #yoosung kim #zen #hyun ryu #jaehee #jaehee kang #jumin #jumin han #saeyoung #saeyoung choi #707 #seven #luciel #luciel choi #saeran choi #unknown #v #jihyun kim #vanderwood #mary vanderwood

[whispelanix]

Suicide “Masterpost” By A Suicidal Person

Hi everyone. I’ve decided to do something different with my time today instead of posting dumb memes and mediocre art. I think I’ve made it clear based upon the title of this post.

Now you may be thinking – “Why are you doing this? What events occurred to make you suddenly want to talk about such a topic!?” Allow me to explain:

I personally, am currently experiencing severe depression and suicidal thoughts and it’s been going on for years, the suicidal part being more recent. Today Australia held an interview this morning on the topic of teen suicide and how we stay silent on the agenda. As someone who is struggling, I thought that instead of contemplating my own life, I could help spread awareness to save another.

Continue on further if you shall since I will dive into sensitive topics. The choice is up to you entirely, but if you want a better grasp of understanding, I will do my best to explain different areas of this situation.

So read on if you may, as I give you a “Suicide Masterpost Presented by a Suicidal Person”.

Let’s start with the basics. First of all: What is depression?

Depression is a common medical condition which can be often described as being in a really dark place that’s difficult to escape from and can create the feeling of numbness. Naturally, everyone can feel sad or low from time to time. It can last for months to even years and a lot of the time, occurs without reason. Depression is more than just that – it’s a serious condition that affects your mental and physical health.

How does this relate to suicide?

The links between depression and suicide are generally quiet strong. In fact, about 2/3 of people who commit suicide are depressed at the time of their death. Here are some more statistics…

·         One of every 16 people diagnosed with depression eventually go to end their lives through suicide

·         The risk of suicide in people suffering major depression is 20 times that of the general population

·         People who have experienced multiple episodes of depression are at greater risk of suicide than those who have only experienced one episode

·         Those with dependence on alcohol or drugs in addition to being depressed are at even greater stakes for suicide

Does self-harm have anything to do with this?

Absolutely. A lot of people cope with depression this way as it usually gives the person a sense of feeling against the emotional numbness. Self-harm is generally a coping mechanism, but can become a habit as they search for a relief from the stress. There are many different names given to self-harming. Some of them being:

·         Cutting

·         Self-mutilation

·         Self-inflicted violence

·         Parasuicide

·         Self-abuse

Cutting isn’t the only form of self harm, however. Many other behaviours are:

·         Overdosing of medication or drinking poison

·         Burning your skin

·         Scratching your skin which results in bleeding or welts

·         Picking your skin

·         Pulling your hair

·         Hurting yourself with fists or other objects

·         Punching walls or objects to hurt yourself

Keep in mind though, not everyone who is depressed hurts themselves, just like not every suicidal person is depressed. But self-harm can eventually trigger suicidal thoughts, as simply hurting yourself might eventually not be enough to cope with the emotional pain.

What are the common signs of depression and suicidal thoughts?

No two people experience depression or suicide in the same way. Multiple events can cause a person to feel like they’re not worth anything and that the world is a better place without them.

Common signs of depression are constant tiredness, being annoyed by small things, too little or too much sleep, eating too little or too much, chances of physical pain, lack of self-care, isolation, lack of interest, numbness, beating yourself up, forgetfulness, lack of concentration and suicidal thoughts.

Signs of suicide are threatening to hurt oneself, searching ways to end their life, or just having someone generally talking or writing about suicide, especially if the behaviour is very out of character for that person.

Many of these signs are experiences that should not be ignored, even if it’s just one of them.

How many people commit suicide annually?

Approximately one million people commit suicide each year worldwide. This equals to about one death every 40 seconds or 3,000 suicides per day. For every individual who takes their life, at least 20 of them attempt. The global morality rate of suicide is if 16% for every 100,000 people.

Who can I talk to if I’m experiencing depression or suicidal tendencies?

Here is a compiled list of suicide hotlines from around the world. I’ve included names of the country/continent/city in their main languages as well for non-English speakers (despite the fact that everything has probably been translated depending on where you currently live):

Argentina: [phone]

Australia: 131114

Austria (Österreich/Avstrija/Ausztria/): 017133374

Belgium (Belgique/België/Belgien): 106

Bosnia & Herzegovina (Bosna i Hercegovina/Босна и Херцеговина): 080 05 03 05

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil (Brasil): 212339191

Canada – Inside Montreal (Dans Montréal): 5147234000

Canada – Outside Montreal (Hors de Montréal): 18662773553

Croatia (Hrvatska): 014833888

Denmark (Danmark): [phone]

Egypt (مصر): 7621602

Finland (Suomi): 010 195 202

France: 0145394000

Germany (Deutschland): 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

Hong Kong (香港): [phone]

Hungary (Magyarország): 116123

India (इंडिया): 8888817666

Ireland (Éireann): [phone]

Italy (Italia): 800860022

Japan (日本):  [phone]

Mexico (Méjico):  5255102550

New Zealand: 045861048

Norway (Norge): [phone]

Philippines (Pilipinas): 028969191

Poland (Polska): 5270000

Russia (Россия/Росія/Rusiya): 0078202577577

Spain (España): 914590050

South Africa (Suid-Afrika/Iningizimu Afrika/Mzantsi Afrika): 0514445691

Sweden (Sverige/שוועדן/Ruotsi): 46317112400

Switzerland (Schweiz/Suisse/Svizzera): 143

United Kingdom: 08457909090

USA: 18002738255

Who else could I talk to for further assistance?

If you need to talk to someone you can get to know, one of the best options would be a psychologist or a counsellor. That way, you can get to know one another and hopefully not have to repeat the same story over and over again. Talking to a parent or a friend can help in situations as well for when you have no one to talk to. Remember that getting problems off your chest is more effective than bottling them up.

I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. I’m scared no one will want to listen. What should I do?

Take a few deep breaths and try to calm yourself before talking to someone about your problems. Depression can stand in the way of seeking any assistance and that alone is very risky. A good website to check out is Students against Depression. I’ll provide a link to all of my sources in the end.

What can I do about medication?

NEVER put yourself on antidepressants without guide from a professional. Different medication can put you on a high at first, but slowly bring down your mood even more then you wanted, further fuelling your depression and/or suicidal thoughts. Visit a psychiatrist who can help with the diagnosis and give recommendations of the best medication suited for your needs. Always do research on side effects of your prescribed medication as well so you know what you’re in for.

No one will miss me. Why bother?

NEVER say that. That is the biggest lie you could ever get yourself to believe. Suicide isn’t just squashing another ant on the face of the earth. It’s the removal of an entire existence of a being. The most tragic thing a person can do is end it all. When you go ahead and kill yourself, that’s it. It’s over… forever.

Let’s say someone you know decides to “leave this world” so to speak. You don’t get to see them again. A whole personality has been wiped off by a preventable situation. Everything that person has went through – from taking their first steps, the birthdays that were celebrated, the moments they laughed, the moments they cried, the people they met and the sights they saw. It’s vanished all with that one person. Each experience of life is unique – no two people are the same but everyone should be treated equally. Whether you know a person or not, the knowledge that someone you’ve made contact with has killed themselves is horrific. Having to wake up one day knowing you have to move on whether you like it or not is heartbreaking. Depression and suicidal thoughts make you blind to how much people actually care, which is devastating. The effect is has on the world around you is permanent. Don’t ever let yourself think that way.

How can I distract myself?

Find things you enjoy doing, whether it’s watching a movie, listening to music or reading a good book. Anything as long as it makes you happy.

Sources:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinical-resources/depression/what-is-depression

http://www.211palmbeach.org/links-between-suicide-and-depression

https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/understand-what's-going-on/self-harm-and-self-injury

http://www.health.gov.au/mentalhealth

https://www.healthyway.com/content/common-symptoms-of-depression-that-shouldnt-be-ignored/?param4=hwy-google-ppc-aunz-de&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=signs%20and%20symptoms%20of%20depression&utm_campaign=998820936&adgroupid=48935477723&network=g&creative=235821275988&device=c&devicemodel=&matchtype=b&adposition=1t2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj8iz-6fC2QIVmQgqCh26wwGXEAAYAiAAEgKxVvD_BwE

https://save.org/about-suicide/warning-signs-risk-factors-protective-factors/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/234219.php

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

http://studentsagainstdepression.org/get-support/building-support-networks/whats-stopping-you-getting-help/

#suicide #depression #oh the irony #tumblr #reblog

[woodworkingpastor]

Dangerous Truth -- Luke 3:1-20 --Sunday, January 10, 2021

The Gospel of Luke begins with some delightful stories that nurture our faith each Advent and Christmas: Old Zechariah being put on “mute” for nine months because he disbelieved the word of his wife’s impending pregnancy; Gabriel’s announcement to Mary and Mary’s bold song of response; Jesus’ birth and subsequent dedication in the temple.  Some of our most meaningful hymns come from the first two chapters of Luke; one significant question we had in planning our Christmas Eve service was not “what hymns will we sing” but, “which hymns will we not sing, because there are so many to choose from.”

But it doesn’t take long for Luke to get serious; the Gospel is not something to be trifled with.  Turning from Luke 2 to Luke 3 we find out that the time for sentimentality is past.  No sooner have we put the Christmas decorations away and left the Advent and Christmas hymns behind, that the going gets tough.

If Luke is anything in his writing, he is clear about the point he wants to make. We’ll want to pay attention to this; Luke does not use any words or details by accident, there is a purpose to his writing and details that might seem distant or obscure to us meant something very specific to his hearers.  He is very clear in these opening chapters about dating things with precision.  He doesn’t use the day/month/year format that we might expect; instead, he roots the events of Jesus’ beginnings in the context of earthly rulers.  And in doing that Luke causes us to sit up and take notice: the Gospel is not lived in the abstract, it is lived in the midst of real people, real issues, and real choices.

Meeting John the Baptist and hearing his message in today’s text, we might suspect that this is not a message many marketing executives would approve; it appears that John’s strategy is to be as offensive as possible. He even seems to anticipate that his message would be rejected by those who thought their spiritual pedigree had secured their standing with God—as if their heritage were a kind of spiritual vaccine that made them immune to the effects of sin or the need for repentance.  But beware: spiritual heritage will not make up for the absence of a fruitful, faithful life.

Not everyone receives this kind of challenge well. It is not easy to listen to our motives being questioned, especially on things we hold dear. But we cannot always assume that repentance is only for those “other people” whose lives or beliefs we view with suspicion.  God loves a humble, contrite heart.  

As an example, in the hour of his biggest failure, King David was able to say this of God:

The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise (Psalm 51:17).

The safest time and place to be in our relationship with God is that place where we are vulnerable about our sin. That moment when we know God would be well within his rights to cast us away forever is the moment when God is most willing to receive us into his presence.  God can work wonders with a broken heart.

The people’s response

Hearing John’s rebuke of their spiritual pedigree, the people do a remarkable thing: they ask a question.

“What then should we do?” (Luke 3:10)

They want to know more. They don’t take offense; they don’t shut down; they don’t become defensive.  Instead, they reply with both vulnerability and curiosity. “If our spiritual heritage is not enough to save us from the wrath of God, then what is?”

Pay attention carefully to what follows.  To the gathered crowd, John says if you have two coats, give one to someone who has none.  If you have food, share it with those who have none.  Faithful living involves a sacrificial generosity of supporting people in the basic needs of their life.  Working for the common good is acceptable in God’s sight.

To the tax collectors, John says to do your job and no more.  Tax collectors had a position of advantage over people, in that the tax rates would not have been publicly known, leaving the population at the mercy of the tax collector’s integrity. John tells them to be honest: don’t line your pockets with what you can overcharge people.

To the soldiers in the crowd, John says essentially the same thing: You are in a position of power over people; you have a sword, and you have the backing of the Roman Empire to use it.  But don’t be a bully.  Don’t abuse other people by threatening them, making them give you money in exchange for leaving them alone.  Do your job, take your pay, and mind your own business.

These three responses have some things in common: hoarding possessions for ourselves and seizing power over others is not the fruit of repentance.  John assumes that we know the circumstances of the people around us. Our responsibility is to recognize the legitimate needs, concerns, and fears of vulnerable people, not use them as a means to get ahead.

I’ve described the meaning of the Hebrew verb “to repent” before and am glad to do so again: “to repent” means simply “to turn and go in the other direction.”  At its core, it is not a theological term.  Last Saturday, Lynette and I went hiking at the Cascades.  Along the way, we decided we wanted to explore two other trails that we’d never followed before. But we weren’t exactly sure where these trails ended.  So we decided to follow these new trails for 30 minutes.  If we didn’t come to the end of the trail by that time, we would repent; we would turn and go in the other direction.  For John the Baptist, the spiritual meaning of repentance shows up in some everyday kinds of ways: “stop hoarding possessions when your neighbor is suffering.  Stop using your power to make other people do certain things.”  We know these behaviors are commonplace in our world; our lives should be opposite to those around us.  

Modern day repentance

That’s what makes spiritual life so challenging: our lives are not divided into a “spiritual” and an “ordinary” with different behaviors for each part. All of our lives are to bear fruit of repentance, for we are citizens of another kingdom.  And I believe it’s one reason why Luke goes to so much trouble to date his Gospel in the ways he does—it’s his way of signaling what the specific challenges are for living the life to which we have been called.

In keeping with Luke’s form, I might have begun today’s sermon by saying something like, “In the fourth year of President Trump’s term; when President-Elect Biden was soon to be inaugurated, and Ralph Northam was Governor of Virginia; when Paul Mundey was Moderator of the Annual Conference of the Church of the Brethren, and David Shumate the Executive Minister of the Virlina District, the word of God came…”  Some of you might have tensed up a bit. “Where is this going?” you might ask. Am I going to hear something that I don’t like? Is the sermon going to “get political” (perhaps meaning “will the pastor’s politics agree with mine?”)?

This has been a difficult week in a long line of difficult weeks.  And in that, I suspect most of us have had challenging conversations with people who see things differently from us.  Our nation is deeply divided over fundamental issues like

Who is telling the truth?

Whose voice gets to be heard?

Whose lives are grievable—whose suffering counts?

Because we are connected to so many people, it should come as no surprise that these difficult conversations and disagreements extend to our families and even among members of our congregation.  How should we respond to such deeply troubling events? To put such matters in the context of our Scripture text this morning, perhaps we can be as brave as the crowd that came to hear John the Baptist speak and ask, “What then should we do?”

My friend Nate Polzin is a Church of the Brethren pastor in Michigan.  This week, he shared these words on Facebook:

Something I’m pondering: What if Jesus told me I was wrong about something I deeply and passionately believed in? Would I agree with Him and change my mind/life, or would I be angry and conclude He couldn’t really be Jesus if He disagreed with me on something I was sure about? Would I repent and submit to Him as Lord, or would I try to get Him crucified?

Those are important questions to consider, and they should follow us this winter throughout the Gospel of Luke.

Of this I am sure: The Church of the Brethren has long strived to place commitment to Jesus and the related commitments to loving neighbors, strangers, and enemies above the valuing of national symbols. We understand that the words “Republican” and “Democrat” are not synonymous with “Christian” or “Kingdom of God.”  As I watched events unfold on Wednesday, I was obviously deeply concerned about the acts of violence unfolding before our eyes.  I’m concerned about my friends who are Black, or are Jewish or Muslim or something else, or are LGBTQ, who are left wondering if they have a safe place in America.  I was dismayed to see Christian symbols and messages in the same crowd as the Confederate flag.  What could these two things possibly have in common?  Even in the darkest moments of the Civil War, the Confederate flag did not fly in the Capital Building.  But this week, it did.

As I worked through my own anger and disgust this week, I came across this pastoral letter from Glen Guyton, Executive Director of Mennonite Church USA. I found his words wise and helpful, and I offer them to you as one way we might give shape to our repentance:  

I admire the early Anabaptists who resisted wrapping themselves in the cloak of nationalism, but who instead wrapped themselves in the living Word of God. We are reminded today that true peace cannot be found at men’s (sic) feet, but it can only be found at the foot of the cross.

I want to caution us. There is a danger in thinking that what we saw on Capitol Hill today is a problem that others have. The broader Evangelical community wrapped themselves in the flag of God and country, blindly worshipping political icons. This worldly movement has even spilled over to our Anabaptist communities. The reality is the polarization and division around political ideologies cuts through MC USA [to which I add the Church of the Brethren as well] congregations and conferences as well. We have, indeed, done violence to one another by using partisan political positions as a litmus test for Christian faithfulness. We must repent if we want to live fully into our calling as peacemakers.

Today is a time for us to remember that our citizenship and identity in Christ supersedes our political and national identity. Today is a time for us not only to pray for peace but to be agents of peace. We must disengage from destructive rhetoric and political ideologies and preach the new humanity that is obtained via our union to the risen savior. God is in control, and God is bigger than our fears, our biases, and self-righteousness. Please take the time to stop and pray with your friends and family members today. Let us overtly love our neighbor and move beyond differences that divide us as a nation and a church. 

Will this be easy? No. Telling the truth always comes with a price; John the Baptist ends up in prison for challenging those in power. But we must always be brave enough to tell the truth.