#everyone my age looks more mature and is way prettier than i am

[endless---possibility]

#everyone my age or even just a year older than me actually looks their age #i dont #everyone my age looks more mature and is way prettier than i am #so yeah

[irishseeeker]

                                             rules don’t apply - chapter three 

Having a crush on your boss is embarrassing. Inappropriate. Wrong. Especially when your boss is Anthony Bridgerton, the most insufferable man on the planet whom you actively despise.

What does Kate have to say on the matter?

…No comment.

--

read chapter 1 here or here 

read chapter 2 here or  here

-- 

chapter 3: hold onto your leash 

“Kate.”

Kate didn’t know where she was. She was sitting in a chair behind a wooden desk, which was covered with various files, a laptop and multiple picture frames. The frames were blurred and she couldn’t make out the faces. Everything looked familiar, but she felt completely out of place. Something felt..off. Everything looked fuzzy, her vision was slightly blurred and the air slightly darker, as if there was a shadow over her.

She noticed him then, he stood in front of her, glowing like an angel.

She could see him crystal clear.

What was Anthony Bridgerton doing in her office?

He wasn’t wearing his usual work attire. He was wearing the suit he wore at the gala, except his collar was untucked and loose, his tie no longer wrapped around his neck.

His lips were slightly swollen, tints of red smudged across his pink lips.

Her reflection became clear in a small compact mirror open on her desk. More importantly, she could see the bright red lipstick slightly smudged on her lips.

What was going on?

His voice sent shivers down her spine as he said her name, enunciating each letter, his voice low, rough like gravel.

“What do you want, Kate?”

She opened her mouth but she couldn’t speak, nothing would come out. All she could do was gape as he walked towards her, around her desk, slowly coming to a stop as he stood in front of her. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his muscular forearms.

He moved closer, she could count the splatter of freckles across his nose as he closed the inches between their lips. One, two, three, four, five-

Kate woke up with a gasp. Newton let out a whine beside her, scowling at being woken up.

“Sorry bud,” She said, her breath hot and heavy as she scratched her corgi’s ears.

She did not just dream of Anthony Bridgerton. He was her worst nightmare.

Kate grabbed her phone, flicking open her google app and tapping impatiently at the screen as she typed her search.

What does it mean when you have a dream about your boss?

She flung her phone away from her, hearing it land on the duvet. What the bloody hell was she doing?

Kate had spent the previous day in bed with her sister, staying off her phone and eating takeaway while they watched movies all day. She needed any distraction from the article published. She even let Edwina convince her to do some yoga on Youtube. When she did pick up her phone last night, she flicked through some of the comments left under the article.

I thought you had to be pretty to be a gold digger?

Her sister is much prettier than she is

who even is she?

She quickly opened another bottle of wine to distract herself from the sinking feeling in her stomach.

How could she ever show her face in work again? What would everybody think? There was absolutely no truth to that article, but the truth had never been something people were concerned about when reading gossip.

Kate was hardly a scandal, she was a nobody. Anthony Bridgerton, on the other hand, was not.

She eventually got out of bed, washing her hair and exfoliating away the anxiety and dread that clung to her skin. She ate breakfast with Newton after getting dressed, opening her balcony doors and leaning against the railing as she looked out at London on a Sunday morning.

The air was bitter but the sun was shining despite it being winter, and Kate needed to clear her head and walk Newton. She texted Edwina, who suggested they grab a coffee and walk in the park. Edwina was a morning person, she had already been up for hours and had been to a pilates class.

Kate, on the other hand, had to set five alarms to get up on time and considered her walk to work sufficient exercise.

Cameras started flashing everywhere. Her eyes stung as the flashes started to blind her, she could barely make out Newton barking at her feet or the swarms of people waving a camera in her face.

“Kate Sheffield!”

“Kate, when did you and Anthony Bridgerton start dating?”

“Is it serious?”

“Will we be hearing wedding bells soon?”

Kate momentarily froze, gaping at the blinding flashes. What the hell was going on? How did they know where she lived?

“This is private property. You need to leave right now.” Her neighbour, a middle aged woman called Agnes Danbury, had appeared at her side. The woman tended to appear out of nowhere, trapping you in a conversation that wouldn’t finish until she was done. Kate actually liked her a lot, the woman just scared her a little. “Go out the back, darling. Through the car park.”

Kate hastily turned around and ran back into the building, down the steps and to the car park. She exited through the back entrance, which led to an empty road. She sprinted down the end of her road, away from the photographers and down the steps to her tube station. She got lost in the swarm of people in the busy station and by the time she turned around, panting, she did not see a camera in sight. She put her sunglasses on, pulled her beanie down lower on her head and cuddled Newton to her chest.

She wasn’t bothered after that, the ride on the tube and arrival at Hyde Park station was uneventful. Kate was shaken and paranoid as she glanced around her, but no one actually cared about her. It was Bridgerton they cared about. Newton was happily toddling along beside her as they entered the park gates. Edwina was on the other side of the park, near the pond, waiting with their coffees.

“Kate?”

The blood in her veins turned cold. She knew that voice anywhere. It was the unfortunate voice that she had become accustomed to hearing five days a week, a voice she did not get paid enough to listen to, a voice she could not get out of her head and now dreams.

Anthony Bridgerton stood behind her, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead as he stood in front of her. He had clearly been running, his flushed cheeks and damp t-shirt clung to his skin.

He looked good.

Why did he have to look good?

This was not the time to get distracted, Kate.

“Are you following me?” Kate managed to speak, flexing her fingers that weren’t holding Newton’s lead.

“What?” She couldn’t read his face. He didn’t look displeased to see her, which he usually did-but he didn’t look happy, either. He looked pensive. If she had seen him first, she would have run in the opposite direction or hid behind a tree.

He, for some reason, had approached her.

“Are you following me?” She repeated, bending down to scratch Newton’s ears. She needed something to do other than blankly stare at him.

“Why would I be following you?”

“Oh, so this is just a coincidence then?”

“I run in this park everyday,” Anthony said, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. “I have lived near it for years. So, yes. This is purely a coincidence.”

“Alright.” That was slightly embarrassing, but Kate was more preoccupied with getting away from him, getting away from this conversation and getting away from the thoughts spiraling in her head.

“Kate, wait.”

“No.”

“What?” He sounded exasperated, letting out a deep sigh as he appeared at her side.

“I am not doing this,” She said, gesturing between them. “We’re in public. Someone could see. I do not have the mental capacity to deal with you right now.”

“I presume you saw the article,” He said, putting his right foot on a bench to tie his shoelace. He looked completely unbothered, as if the events in the last two days hadn’t had any affect on his life whatsoever.

Two could play that game.

She just wouldn’t play it looking directly at him because he was bent over slightly and his shorts were rather right, which gave Kate the perfect view of his rather nice-

Kate, no.

“What article?” Kate simply shrugged her shoulders, her eyes flickering around the park. She didn’t see any photographers or anything unusual, which made it slightly easier to breathe. She needed to find Edwina and get away from him.

“Don’t play stupid, it doesn’t suit you.”

Kate narrowed her eyes. “You really have a way with women, don’t you?”

“My ways have never failed me before,” He replied, smirking smugly at her.

She mimed gagging. “It’s a Sunday. We are not working. I have no obligation whatsoever to talk to you.”

Anthony simply rolled his eyes.

It was incredible how she could be so attracted and annoyed by a man at the same time.

“Could we try to have a civilized, mature conversation? For once?” His voice was almost pleading, he still had his usual stern, arrogant tone but there was a hint of desperation in it.

He might actually feel bad.

“I don’t know, can we?” Kate mimicked him, making a sour face. She may be the problem here. She swiftly changed the subject.

“There were a lot of photographers outside of my flat. How did they figure out where I live?” Kate still hadn’t figured that out and it worried her beyond belief. She might stay at Mary’s for the next few days, Edwina’s flat was too small for anything more than a night.

Anthony’s face fell and he looked as if he felt bad for her. “You would be surprised how quickly the media can work. I’m sorry that happened, I really am.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.

“The article doesn’t mean anything, Kate.”

“That is quite easy for you to say. Do you have any idea how this looks for me? You’re my boss. It’s inappropriate. I have to go to work tomorrow and face everyone. It’s mortifying. What everyone is probably thinking-” Kate would usually be embarrassed by such a display of emotions, how high pitched her voice was and the anguish in her face-but she wasn’t even thinking about that.

She was slowly coming to terms with the consequences of the events of this weekend.

The realization hit her and she felt quite faint.

It was that or the sprint to the tube station earlier-she was really unfit.

“I’m going to have to quit and move to Australia.”

“What?” Anthony said, his eyes bulging out his eye sockets as he stared in bewilderment at her. “You’re not quitting-what?”

If he hadn’t thought she was mad before, that ship had definitely sailed. Anthony’s voice had increased a pitch as he spoke and he looked scared.

“I don’t do well in hot climates. I grew up in Somerset, where it rains most of the year, for fuck sake. I’m also not a fan of spiders and snakes.” Kate groaned, covering her eyes with her hands. “They’re the size of Newton over there. My sister still has to remove them from my flat.”

“Would you calm down?”

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” Kate said, shaking her head profusely. “That’s the one thing you don’t say when you want someone to calm down. I have no reason to be calm.”

“You’re not moving to Australia,” Anthony said, trying to give her a reassuring look but it just came across as him looking slightly constipated. “It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks. Our personal relationship has nothing to do with our professional relationship. If anyone in work has anything to say, they can say it directly to me. Then they’ll get fired.”

It was Kate’s turn to roll her eyes and snort. “There’s definitely a human resources issue in there. Oh, well, that makes everything better than. Problem sorted.”

He was rather calm about the whole situation, really. It was infuriating. “Those gossip articles mean nothing, Kate. It will blow over in a few days and everybody will move onto the next story. That’s how it works.”

“That’s just amazing. I’ll just be known as another notch on your bed frame. I’ll have to add that to my CV.”

“I have a lot more experience with this than you,” Anthony said, his mouth forming a flat line. “I have been subjected to this for years-I do know what I’m talking about.”

“Yes, well, I haven’t. I never asked to be. It’s my worst nightmare. There were cameras outside of my flat this morning. They knew where I lived. That is terrifying. The comments online were much kinder to you than they were to me.”

“I know.” He actually sounded sincere and she felt a pang of guilt for being so rude to him. A slight pang of guilt. “I wanted to reach out and apologize. I wasn’t sure if it would make it worse to hear from me, given that we have never exactly seen eye to eye. I was going to speak with you tomorrow at work. I’ll send security to your flat tomorrow for when you go to work.”

Kate scoffed, rolling her eyes. Honestly, rich people. “I don’t need security.”

“Yes you do. They’ll harass you for a few days and then eventually stop. It’s not a discussion, Kate. This is a safety issue.”

“Okay. Fine.” Kate conceded, letting out a deep breath. If he really was concerned, that worried her. She wasn’t used to this type of attention. “Thank you. Send me the bill.”

How much was security? She’d had a shop online last night after a few glasses of wine and had bought clothes she definitely didn’t need, and her bank account had been hit hard.

It was his turn to scoff. “You are not going to pay.”

“I am going to pay-” Kate protested, but Anthony didn’t let her finish.

“Do you argue over everything? Or is this special treatment just reserved for me?”

“You do pay me to argue. Maybe work on your personality and I wouldn’t argue with you so much.” “Thank you, though-but only this time.”

Newton barked loudly. They broke eye contact with each other and stared down at Newton, whose tongue was wagging happily out of his mouth. He circled around Anthony, jumping up and down eagerly.

“He’s a bit overweight.”

Kate’s jaw dropped and she gasped. “You are so rude. He’s a corgi, his rolls keep him warm! He probably heard that!”

“He’s a dog.” Anthony glanced down at Newton, quite unimpressed.

Of course Anthony Bridgerton didn’t like dogs. He probably didn’t like anything that caused any joy.

“Newton,” She said, particularly emphasizing that he had a name and was not just ‘dog’, “-is incredibly intelligent.”

They both simultaneously glanced back at Newton, who was sprinting in a small circle, trying and failing to chase his tail.

Anthony hummed, his eyes bulging slightly that infuriated Kate further. “I’m sure.”

“Please do not project your insecurities onto my dog.”

“My insecurities? I’m quite confident in my body.” His cocky smirk infuriated her more. His tight t-shirt was not helping the situation.

Kate swore she could see the outline of his chest, the faint lines of his abdominal muscles were clinging to the west material of his t-shirt.

“Good for you.” Kate managed to conjugate.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with my body, Kate?”

“I don’t think about your body at all.” Liar, liar.

“We both know that’s not true, Miss Sheffield.”

Newton saved Kate from replying by jumping onto Anthony, his paws resting on the thin material of his shorts covering his thighs.

“Down, dog. Sit.” Anthony pointed at the ground, and to Kate’s surprise, he sat. She usually had to bribe him with some ham to do any tricks.

She needed to make a swift exit. “We have to get going. My sister is waiting for-oh!”

Newton sprinted away from them, jumping from his sitting position and charging off so ferociously he yanked the lead right out of Kate’s grip. Kate landed flat on her face.

She felt Anthony’s hands on her waist, easily pulling her off the grand. Kate spat out a mouthful of grass, ignoring the tingling feeling his fingertips left as she stood up, immediately taking off after her dog.

“Newton, no! Come back!”

“Can’t you call him back?” Anthony said, easily catching up with her as they sprinted after the dog. They had gathered a few people’s attention, it was an interesting sight-two people running after a manic dog.

“Thank god you’re here. I never would have thought of that one on my own.” Kate cast a disgruntled glare at him before squinting her eyes to make out Newton’s little figure, a good bit ahead of them.

“Newton!” She roared after him, but the runaway corgi paid them little attention.

Kate felt like she was going to vomit. She had to stop, coming to an abrupt halt to bend over. She was panting heavily, resting her hands on her knees. She may have been dressed in running gear, a jumper and leggings-but she had never actually ran in them.

“I think I’m going to get sick,” Kate said, half-panting, half heaving. Her stomach was not feeling good.

Anthony, who stopped a few meters ahead of her, glanced back at her unimpressed. He wasn’t even sweating. “We’ve ran about fifty meters.”

“I’m failing to see your point,” Kate said, biting her bottom lip hard before mustering the strength to take off again. She needed to find Newton-she wasn’t worried he would run off, he had severe attachment issues, as did Kate-but he would make it difficult for her in the meantime.

“Don’t you exercise?” He asked, easily jogging beside her. He still hadn’t broken a sweat and Kate couldn’t stop, the beads of sweat trailing down her forehead.

“I don’t have the time.” She wasn’t willing to try to find the time. She worked, she spent time with her family and Newton and she slept. An exciting life, truly.

Anthony, rather judgmentally, snorted. “We have a free gym in the building at work. It’s about making time, Kate. I exercise everyday.”

“Would you like a medal?” Kate tried to sound unimpressed, her tone flat and dull. It wasn’t news to her, he had raised a lot of money last year for the marathon and it had been advertised all around the building.

Kate had been treated to Anthony Bridgerton’s face everywhere for a whole month before the marathon. She not only had to see his smug face in person daily but she had been subjected to it on newsletters, in emails, on badges and on bloody biscuits.

“I have plenty, thanks,” He said swiftly, his usual arrogant tone alive and well. It was the voice he used in meetings at work when they were arguing over something and he was trying to irritate her-it usually worked. “I was captain of the rugby team at school and at Oxford. I also ran the London Marathon last year.”

“You’re so modest.” Kate laughed as he scowled at her sarcastic tone. His achievements were quite impressive, she had donated to his fundraiser last year-she just wasn't going to inflate his ego any further. “I pass the gym everyday and I swear I’ll go tomorrow. The thing is, I really couldn’t be arsed.”

Kate fell off a treadmill last year and still hadn’t emotionally recovered. It would be a cold day in hell before she stepped foot in a gym again.

“You should. It’s a good stress reliever. You always look so disgruntled every time I see you.”

Charming.

“That’s because I have to see you everyday.” Kate chimed back, shooting him a short smile before coming to a stop, beginning to walk towards Newton. They were getting closer and closer to Newton, who had been trotting around the same area of grass in the distance.

“Get him,” Anthony loudly whispered, interrupting their back and forth as he pointed towards Newton who was now rolling in a patch of dirt.

“I'm trying!" Kate shouted back, trying to keep her voice low as she reached out her hands. Her plan to pounce and grab Newton carefully before he could sprint away. "Stop distracting me. I need to get my dog. My dog, who now needs a bath and ran away, which are both completely your fault.” She was so close Newton, who still hadn’t noticed them.

Anthony was walking in front of Newton, trying to stay out of his eyeline by approaching from the side. It wasn't too difficult-Newton was quite oblivious.

“How is any of this my fault?” Anthony snapped, glaring at her from across the flowerbed as he creeped around it. “I am spending my Sunday helping you catch your beast-”

“Watch your mouth, Newton is an angel. I didn’t ask you to! I’m here because I came out to clear my head because of what you’ve done-” Kate argued, it seemed they could last a minute until they resumed bickering.

“What I’ve done?” He gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing. It was worrying how good it made her feel to make Anthony Bridgerton speechless.

“What have you done?” She was focusing on steadying her breath and controlling her panting, creeping closer and closer to Newton. She was seriously unfit. “Exist, specifically. I ended up in Lady Whistledown because of you! All because you enticed me into your fancy cars with snacks-”

“Enticed you?” It was more of an accusation than a question. “I was being nice. I can't help what the media write about me I was offering you a lift home. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“That’s fine by me!”

“Excellent”

“Great!”

“Fantastic.”

“Superb.”

Kate was going to run out of adjectives soon.

Anthony ran a hand through his hair, stopping in the middle of the flowerbed, glaring at her. "You...you are an absolute menace, do you know that? I have never in my life encountered such a frustrating-”

“A menace?” Kate snorted at the insult. “Do you always talk as if you’re from the 1800s?”

Newton spotted Kate and Anthony, narrowly avoiding Kate’s leap towards her. “Shit! Newton, come back here right now!”

Kate’s stomach dropped as she saw exactly what Newton had spotted and was now running towards.

The pond.

“Newton, no!”

“Isn’t he trained? Tell him to stop! Stop, dog!” Anthony shouted at her, his jaw clenched so tightly he looked like he was in pain.

“Yes,” Her voice wavered slightly, glaring right back at him. “He’s a dog. He’s having fun!” Truthfully, Newton had been asked to leave the three training courses Kate had signed them up for. Anthony was not going to know that.

“Kate!” Edwina waved her hand in the air. She was standing in front of the pond, a circle of ducks crowded in front of her. She appeared to be feeding them crumbs, a bagel waving in her hand.

She had completely forgotten about meeting her sister.

“Edwina.” Kate was roaring at her sister, waving her arms frantically. Edwina didn’t seem phased by her sister’s frazzled state at all. Kate wasn’t usually this dramatic, was she? “Move! He’s going to go for the bagel!”

Anthony had joined in on her shouting, but it was too late.

Newton launched himself at Edwina, specifically at the baked good in her hand-pushing her straight into the unbarricaded pond.

#bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kate sheffield #bridgerton fanfiction #ao3 #my fics #modern AU #so sorry for the delay on this one #newton is the main character that is all #kate x anthony

[gasp-iwrotesomething]

Hey, sorry. I accidentally exited out of the request and it sent before I wanted it to, but can you please do a Dad!Neil Dresner? Where finds out his teenage daughter has a boyfriend? I imagine him to be very protective. Please and thank you. And I love your work.

Sure thing! And thank you for the compliment, I sincerely appreciate it; thank you for your request and I hope you enjoy it, @storiesformc!

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Neil wished he had more time to prepare. 

Time to come to terms, to grieve, to miss the little girl Marina was before she got a... boyfriend. The thought was so surreal. Even the silent monologue in his head pronounced it differently. How could Marina, the little girl who wouldn’t go to bed until you recited her favorite bedtime story up until she was 12, have a boy now? The perception of her as a toddler up to her 13th birthday is so ingrained in his head that now each time he sees her cuddled up with that boy... it’s all he can picture. That prompted Neil to be instantly protective--what kind of father wouldn’t for his baby? His wife, however, was ecstatic. She merely squealed and hugged Marina tight enough to crush her, spouting all of this motherly nonsense about growing up and falling in love. Neil was disappointed in her, frankly. MC was his defense always, even when he was slightly off his rocker. But what did he expect? The grumpy doctor fell head over heels for a rebel barely in her 20′s--who ever said gals like her would understand the feeling Neil felt when he pictured Marina and her boyfriend? 

That’s right, she wouldn’t know a lick of it.

Neil grumbles as he climbs into bed the following night, Marina’s announcement a boulder in his conscience. No matter which way he pushed or which way he pulled, Neil couldn’t rid himself of that burden of a thought. Marina’s got a boyfriend, MC recites brightly in his memory, her rosy cheeks tugged into a boundless smile, you believe it, Neil? Our baby’s growing up! He buries his scowling face into the pillows while her words play over and over, a broken record in his damned head. Life was simpler when he was just raising a babbling toddler who fell over her own two feet; simpler, but not easier. He could still remember the sleepless nights, the stressful mornings, the constant chatter… Beside him, MC joins him in bed and slips under the covers with him, her once-scarlet hair now deduced to loose brunette curls down to her shoulders. He could sense her eyes on him even with the pillow’s barrier and groans into its soft depths; the judgment was already there. “Neil, what’re you doing?” She sounds stern and Neil scoffs quietly. If only silence could be the answer to every problem you’ve got... 

“Nothing,” he mumbles.

MC squints down at him, his muffled words barely reaching. “Take that pillow off your face, I can’t hear you.”

Reluctantly, Neil shifts the pillow aside, the comforting fluff gone and replaced with the dreary pigments of their ceiling--that dull grey was starting to wear away his eyes more than the sun has. He was tired of the color. Maybe a lighter and more vibrant shade would do. “Honey, that frown isn’t saying anything I need to know,” she playfully nudges his arm, a grin spread on her lips, “or am I supposed to take a hint?” He sighs, head turning to his wife. She was a treasure in this bleak room, her effortless charm swamping him totally. Nowadays it was difficult to keep frowning, thanks to MC. Neil didn’t know what to think about that; be grateful or be grouchy. Either or, Neil was glad she was there to talk to--being a single father sounded like hell. “No, I’ll talk about it, just finding the words to not fight with you.”

MC quirks an eyebrow. “A fight? What would I fight with you about?”

“Marina and her new boyfriend,” Neil relents, his eyebrows slowly drawing together as his expression deepens, “I don’t think she should be messing around with no boys at her age.”

The silence that fills the air after he speaks indicates Neil was right; this would brew a disagreement between them.

MC shakes her head. “Marina’s 16, Neil, just 2 years shy of being a woman. It’s about time you give her some freedom, the girl’s got some exploring to do.” She slides under the covers while pinning Neil with a stern stare, the diamonds of her eyes glittering in the dim moonlight. But Neil didn’t pay no mind. Sure, Marina was on her way to be a woman but that road was 2 years long, which left a window open of her still being a kid--of her still being Neil’s little girl. “Maybe, but you heard her, they’ve only known each other for a week. A week! How are you not on your toes when you hear that, MC?” He gives her an incredulous glance. How was he supposed to take that expression? Over time, wrinkles and creases formed on MC’s pale face, so now her frowns always seem deeper and her smiles more animated. He could faintly see the disapproval on her lips, in her eyes, all focused intently on him. He imagined that he appeared the same way to MC. “A week is a good enough time to fall in love; say, we fell in love within the span of a couple months and look where we are now. Who are you to judge when love is love?” She hisses gently, the soothing hiccup of her accent coiling around her sassy tone. Apparently MC was caught up on the part where Marina cried “love!”, but who knows if she’s just blowing their passion for each other out of proportion? Still, even after MC’s rebuke, Neil’s opinion is unchanging. “Our little origin story isn’t comparable to this, MC. Love can form when it has enough time to grow or else it’ll crash and burn. We worked out because we let our love prosper and thrive before diving into each other’s gullets,” he remarks, gruff and headstrong, about as willing to back down as MC was. 

“Defining what you think is ‘true love’ isn’t going to help you win this. Everything’s different for everyone.”

“No, maybe not, but if it keeps Marina safe then I’ll be cracking open my damn dictionary.”

MC scoffs, pinching him quickly, “who said you couldn’t watch her back? You’re her daddy, Neil, you can look out for her while letting her live a little!”

No one speaks after her brief exclamation, the tension drawn tighter by the evident frustration the both of them faced. They never argued like this. Usually they’d disagree, talk, and smooth over the wrinkles, but now… Now they were determined to rough up their resolve before they even tried to be civil. After a couple seconds more of deep, stabilizing breaths, MC relents with a quiet sigh and cuddles up to Neil, her features now softened into a concerned furrow of her brows. She braces her hand on Neil’s chest, her fingers warm and tender to his flesh. “Listen, honey, I know how you feel--believe me, I do--but you’ve got to be more realistic. Whether you accept it or not, Marina’s getting older and closer to being on her own, she’s got to learn to think for herself. She’s a smart cookie. She’ll make for a fine independent woman, thanks to you. But now, I think you should give her a shot; see how this ship rocks with her new fella, you know?” MC pats his chest, a small assuring smile on her face. Neil mulls over her words. Maybe she was right in a way; maybe… maybe he was being a little too overbearing at times with Marina. But you couldn’t hold that against him, he loved his daughter. She was his world from the first breath down to these very seconds. Nothing’s changed except that she’s older, maturing, expanding into new walks of life that wouldn’t have suited her then. Marina was still his bundle of joy and he was still her caring, grouchy, sarcastic dad. 

Even if it meant handing her away to some boy, Neil had to be supportive and at least mindful of her wishes, her desires.

Sighing, Neil winds an arm around his wife’s shoulders and brings her closer to him, close enough to smell the serene aroma of her berry-scented shampoo. She relaxes into him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “...I’ll think about it, MC,” he could feel her cheek move as she smiles softly against him, “but it’s going to take some time for me to… adjust to this whole ‘growing up’ thing.” It was true. Daily, Neil would see Marina at the dining room table and wonder just when in that 16 year gap she grew taller, prettier. Marina wasn’t very tall but she reached Neil’s collarbone standing beside him. She was a brunette--go figure--with most of her prize-winning features taken directly from her father, Neil. Maybe that was why he was so protective and nurturing to her, they were so alike side from her mother’s energetic personality; well, that and she’s their only child. 

He always had a feeling that she’d grow up to be beautiful, and seeing that unfold now, Neil was right in every facet imaginable.

“Thank you,” MC murmurs under the blanket of the shimmering moonlight, “I can tell this isn’t easy for you but I’m proud of you for trying.” He rubs her arm soothingly, allowing the tension to dissipate and fall into the background as he kisses her head. “I’m not exactly volunteering to do this but… I appreciate the sentiment, Mrs. Dresner.”

That claps the silence between them right where it stands, the both of them dissolving into a brief fit of laughter. Even if it would probably take the soul right out of him, Neil was willing to try--for his daughter and his wife.

He just hoped no no-good meathead would have to ruin this bliss for any of them, or else the doctor might have to shed his nurturing duty for a little bit.

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Thank you again and I’m sorry for the wait!

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#neil dresner #speakeasy tonight

[sabineelectricheart]

A Boring, Old Farm Girl

Summary: Alex thinks the Farmer to be boring and plain. He came to regret this assessment.

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 2000

Notes: First time around here. I think it came out pretty well. I hope you like it!

It has been five years. Five years, damn it, and yet I am still here, like some idiot waiting for his saving grace, a saving grace I know that will never come. That I hope never comes.

Whatever happened to all my dreams of travelling the world? Of enjoying everything that life could offer? What happened to becoming a championship-winning gridball player?

I guess you happened.

Where did all my dreams go? Just when, exactly, did I lose sight of all my goals, all my dreams, of everything?

…I guess it was around the time I lost you.

*_*_*_*_*

It was the First day of Spring when I first saw you. You were walking down the lonely street of the town, stopping by every villager you met for a greeting and a polite introduction.

Back then, you were just some ordinary, plain looking girl to me.

Your eyes, normal, your features, normal, your looks, normal. Every single thing about you just screamed 'normal', and that was the kind of girl I would never waste my time on. There were better pickings to be had.

Little did I know that you were anything but normal.

*_*_*_*_*

I am stuck here in my stupid house, too big for just myself, with absolutely no one for company. I have never been that good of a grandson, and I suppose I could not fault my grandparents for passing away so closely to each other. I have never been that good of a friend or neighbour, either, so I am mostly treated with contempt.

I just wish I would have someone to talk to me, to keep me occupied and to make me remember that I am alive, that I am a human being. Anyone, anyone at all would be good enough.

Though, if I am being honest, I suppose I do not want just anyone.

I want you.

*_*_*_*_*

A few days later, you came to my house and introduced yourself. Due to their old age, my grandparents did not spend much time out and about, and you found it to be polite to come and make a cordial visit.

Even your name was a plain name, and so I began calling you Farm Girl, admittedly derogatorily. Yoba, I am an idiot.

You brought cookies, I thought them to be too dry, and animated conversation. My grandmother absolutely adored you, and demanded for you to come more often. You complied, and so became a permanent fixture around our house.

You were just some other Plain Jane, of those you meet in every corner, and I swore to myself, I would never be caught spending time with such a boring person like you.

It is strange how someone I thought to be so boring managed to change my life so much.

*_*_*_*_*

I hate myself for calling you boring and plain all those years back. I should never have thought that way about you.

You were beautiful, funny, amazing, wonderful and anything but plain, but, as I now know, what is said and done cannot be taken back, no matter how damn hard you want to.

*_*_*_*_*

You started visiting every day, and you started talking to me. I could not avoid you forever, so I let myself be caught sometimes when my grandmother was serving tea, I let myself be convinced to stick around for a minute or two, and so you began talking to me.

I guess it was not so much your voice as your personality that attracted me to you.

Your personality, it was anything but normal. It made me want to know more about you, to always want to be with you.

There was just… Something so…

There was something so special about it, about you, that I always found myself being drawn to you.

And from them on, I found myself always hanging out with boring old Farm Girl.

*_*_*_*_*

I still remember calling you that. Boring Old Farm Girl. A stupid nickname, made up by a stupid boy that knew nothing of real life. It was not fair to you that I called you that, and yet, you put up with me.

I guess that is just one of the many things that made me want to get to know you, and it was one of the many things I missed most when I lost you.

Comparing you to Haley, of course I would pick her. She just got this… Energy about her. She is pretty and cute, and definitely not boring. She was exciting in all the right places to turn heads of naïve boys like me.

No matter what you did and what you said, the entire valley routinely picked her over you, so I guess I should be kinder with myself on that point, but then again, I always thought myself to be better than everyone else.

I guess, she just seemed like the right choice for me, but she was not.

You were always the right one for me, Farm Girl, and I guess that is exactly why I chose Haley over you. I found myself drawn to you, but I had to tell myself that Haley would always be the right one for me.

No matter how damn much I wanted to hug and kiss you, I had to tell myself this.

"She's Boring Old Farm Girl. Boring, boring, boring old Farm Girl."

It became my mantra, something I would repeat in my mind again and again whenever I gazed upon you, but you know when I told this to myself the most?

It was when you told me you loved me.

*_*_*_*_*

It was the Twenty-Sixth of Summer when you told me…

Told me… That.

We were in my room, and I can still remember how the conversation went exactly, word for word.

"So, Boring Old Farm Girl, who do you think is the prettiest girl in this village?" I asked, gauging for a reaction. I do not know why on Earth I asked something such as that, but I did.

"Well…” You pouted, as you did when you thought too hard. “I’d think I will say Penny."

"Penny?” I asked in disbelief. “She's just as plain as you!"

I laughed at you for thinking Penny, the only girl in town who was just as normal-looking as you, was pretty.

"What's wrong with that?” You defended, your pitch raising. “Well, who do you think is the prettiest?"

I know I should have said you. I should have said you. I should just damn said it was you.

"Haley, duh.” I snorted. “She's pretty and cute, and way cooler than you, Boring Old Farm Girl."

You did not say anything after that, and I should have gotten it.

Why could not my dumbass mind just process it?

"Hey, why so quiet? Sad that I think Haley's hotter than you?" I teased you, meaning it only as a joke.

A long silence passed before you said anything, refusing to look me in the eye.

"Heh. You know what, Alex? I am sad. And you know why? Because that's how you'll always think. You'll always think of me as Boring Old Farm Girl, and you'll always think that everyone is prettier or nicer or better than me."

"Hey, come on, cannot take a joke, little Plain Girl?" I continued teasing you, still not getting the message.

"Yeah, I guess I can’t." You smiled at me sadly, and never had I seen your eyes so full of sadness.

With that, you made your way towards the door, and just before leaving, you said these words.

"You know what the sad thing about this is, Alex?" You said to me, your voice threatening to break any moment.

"Boring Old Farm Girl loves you." You whispered just loud enough so I could hear, and without another word, you took off.

"Boring Old Farm Girl loves you."

*_*_*_*_*

You know why I remember this conversation so vividly?

Because it haunts me. It haunts me every single damn day of my life, and I just cannot get it to go away. Because getting it to go away would mean erasing one of the few memories I actually have of you, and I cannot bring myself to do that.

Even though they are all bad memories, I do not want to forget them. I cannot forget them. They are all I have left of you, and I have to hold on to them as tight as I can.

When in fact, I should have held onto you as tight as I could, when I actually had the chance.

*_*_*_*_*

As I was digesting what I had just heard from you, Haley barged in, with her annoyingly happy attitude.

She started rambling on about something, probably some girl stuff I would not care about.

Everything you said always interested me. It was probably at that moment I realized that you were the one I wanted. You had always been the one I wanted.

*_*_*_*_*

It is ironic, huh?

The moment I realized that you were the one I really wanted was just a few minutes after I lost you.

Even though I had only known you for a year, I know now that I had always been utterly and irrevocably in love with you, and I would always be in love with you.

But it is just too late now, isn't it?

No matter how damn much I want you, I still cannot have you.

After the… Incident happened, we never talked to each other and never even looked at one another when we crossed paths.

Yoba, I missed you. I missed your chatter, your jokes… Well, I guess I just missed you.

Do you know why I am still here? Because I cannot bear to leave you. Even though we do not speak, I still love you.

I guess I have no right to say that, because I am the one who ruined everything. It is my fault, and like what I have already said, no matter how damn hard I want to take back what I have said and done, I cannot. I know now that it just does not work that way.

*_*_*_*_*

A little over three years later, on the 26th of Summer, you got engaged with the town doctor. A boring, old man.

I was invited to your wedding, but I could not do it. I could not see the woman I loved promise to love another man forever.

And so, while everyone gathered at the church to watch you and Harvey get married, I stayed in my house, and for the first time ever, I cried for you, for me, and for what could have been, us.

*_*_*_*_*

So, like I said. It has been five damn years, and I am still here. I have no dreams now. I have no goals in life. I lost all of them the moment I lost you.

You are content with Harvey now and I know he will treat you well, so I am genuinely happy for you. I am glad you have found someone who will never call you boring or plain, and who will always think you are the prettiest and the nicest person on Earth, and will always want you and no one else.

So yes, I am happy that you have someone who can take care of you and protect you, to do things for you that I could never do. I know Harvey will never call you Boring Old Farm Girl or Plain Girl, so I am glad you are with him now. I do not want you to break up with him for me, of all people.

Even though I want to be with you so much that it hurts, I know Harvey is the right one for you, so all I can do now is sit here in my boring old house, all alone.

Alone, regretting all the things I have done to you. Alone, wishing I could be with you. Alone, missing you.

*_*_*_*_*

Stardew Valley Masterlist

#stardew valley #alex

[gashinabts]

You Again (m)

Word: 4.4k

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader, first love, ex-lovers to lovers

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut 

Summary: “...When we broke up, you said it was better this way, I didn’t want to hold you back. You have a bright future, I was only going to make things messy for you,” you give him a sympathetic smile. 

Warnings: Implied smut, AnGSt, Mature language

a/n: my dude, seokjin looking like a snack. This took like a long time to write and hopefully you enjoy it. I have this thing for first loves since I desperately want one. 

  “ I want to marry you,” Seokjin whispers to you, while holding your body closer to him. You look at him crazy since you were both sixteen and way too young to think about marriage. He laughs and kisses your nose, “Not right now, but in the future.”

“ Then I do, you know for future references,” you kiss him on his nose and he whines. You tease him further, kissing him everywhere but his lips. “ You should go Seokjin...before my parents come tell me to eat breakfast.” Then you finally kiss him on his lips. 

“ Mmm...okay,” he gets out of your bed and pulls his shirt on. You walk him to your window and kiss him one last time. “ I love you.”

“ I love you too.”

Seokjin smiles when he wakes up since he dreamed of you. He wonders how you are doing and if your married. What if your not maybe he searched for you and asked you to marry him. He laughs at the thought, and at his own pity, thinking you are still in love with him. Many years passed and your still on his mind. His thoughts are interrupted when he hears ringing from his phone.

“ Good morning, Mom,” he already knows it’s his Mom calling so early in the morning.

“ Ahh, hello, I called my good friend yesterday and guess what?,” she replies excitedly. Seokjin hums and walks towards his closet, browsing different articles of clothing. “ Her son is also single too! What is it with this generation, you should have at least two children right now. This your chance to be looking for a relationship, you’re not an idol anymore and your at stable point right now, and your thirty nine...” he continues to listen her ramble about his love life and finally decides what he wants to wear. “...Are you even listening to me, son?”

“Ahh, yes Mom, I am. You know what you are right, I’m going to get married right now to the first person I see today,” he jokes and his mother lets out a displeased groan.

“ You don’t get it, I just want you to be happy and find someone who will love you and you can love back.” He puts the phone on speaker and dresses himself up.

“ Yes, I understand, but I feel content with my life right now,” he states and grabs his phone while walking to the living room. It’s not a lie, he does feel content with his life, he is well off and is living comfortably. But something in the back of his mind is telling him that he is not happy.

“ If you say so, and can you pick up your father’s medication, it should be by that convenience store by your house.” Seokjin agreed to pick up the medication and says his goodbyes.

—

He decides to take his bike to the store, it’s wonderful weather, the sun is shining bright and the birds are singing. Everything feels good and it’s peaceful, at the same moment his bike trips over a medium size rock and crashes to someone. “ Ahh, you old man! I could’ve died and my Mom would kill me if I died,” the victim is on the floor.

‘Old man’, no one ever called him old, well Jungkook would call him that in a teasingly matter. He looks down at the girl on the floor, she has a bruised knee and it’s bleeding, she has a middle school uniform on. “Oh my...I’m sorry, are you okay? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?,” he parks the bike and offers her a hand.

“ I’m okay, my knee hurts a lot,” she pouts and grabs his hand. She stands up and hisses in pain. “ I’m Seo-ah, the most beautiful girl in my school however you messed up my knee,” she points at her knee as evidenced.

Seokjin scoffs, this girl is quite cocky, he shouldn’t be judging since he’s also like that. “ I’m Seokjin, and I’m still sorry about that, what can I do to make you feel better?”

Seo-ah smirks, “ Old man, I want some ice cream and some ramen.” She points to the convenience store that’s a couple feet away.

“Yah, stop calling me that, I’ve been told that I look very young for my age. And you should at least say please when asking for something.” He continues to walk with her to the store. They enter and she immediately goes to the ramen section, while Seokjin goes to pick up his father’s medicine. Seo-ah brings two ramen and two ice creams to the counter, “One for you and one for me,” she said to him and smiles brightly. After they check out the items, they boil the ramen and sit by the table.

Seo-ah was about to eat the noodles, when she hears Seokjin tsk at her. “Blow the ramen before you eat it, it’s really hot,” he then blows at his own ramen. She rolls her eyes and blows very loudly at her ramen. She quickly finishes her food, and eagerly eats the ice cream.

“ God, this is so good. My Mom gave me money to buy food but I spent it all on makeup,” she sighs. Seokjin gives her a disappointing look, “... what? It wasn’t my fault, there was a good sale going on.”

“ You shouldn’t even be buying makeup, you don’t need it.” Seokjin looks at her face, she has a pretty face, it’s clear and her features are symmetrical. She could pass as a model, if she wanted to. Her parents must be very attractive.

“ You don’t understand, I’m going to high school next year, everyone is going to be wearing makeup. What if my boyfriend finds someone prettier?” She whines and swings her legs back and forward. The ice cream is gone from her hand, and she looks at his ice cream that hasn’t been touched. He gives her his ice cream and she happily cheers.

“ You don’t need to worry about boys until your in college, you should be focusing on your studies. And even if he dumps you for a prettier girl, then he isn’t worth it,” he messily pats her head. She groans and tries to fix her hair. As she does that he notices a familiar thin ring on her finger. 

“You sound just like my Mom, so you didn’t have a girlfriend in high school then?,” she asked curiously while fixing her bangs.

It caught Seokjin off guard, his high school girlfriend wasn’t just his ‘high school girlfriend,’ it was more than that. He remembers when he asked you out during the first year, how you blushed since he asked you out in front of everyone. When they used to sneak little kisses in the library and hold hands under the desk. He remembers sneaking in your room at night and making love to you and talking about the future together. Then he remembers the end of the relationship, when you both decided it was best to break up. He remembers hugging you for the very last time and giving him one last kiss. “No, I didn’t have one, ” he quickly says.

“Now you are lying, I saw your eyes gleam when I asked you that question,” she laughs and pokes at his shoulder. She gets up throws both of their trash away. “ Come on, I need you to take me home.” They both walk outside the store and to the bike.

“You want me to take you by bike! I should just call a cab for you,” he’s about to grab his phone. But she hurriedly takes his phone away and puts it in her backpack.

“No, you can’t do that you need to earn my forgiveness. Feel pain to feel my pain, you know. Plus, it’s fun hanging out with you, old man,” she pats on his seat. He doesn’t know why but he does it, he bikes with her sitting on the back holding onto him. She hums a little and tells him directions where her house is at. He’s profusely sweating when they finally arrive at the house. The house is average looking and there’s small pink flowers blooming in the front yard. She gets off the bike, and points at the house, “ This is me, you wanna come inside, you look tired old man.”

“Uh, I don’t know...I think I should just go.” He looks around the neighborhood and stretches his legs as he gets off the bike. Seokjin looks at Seo-ah’s disappointed face.

“ Just come inside, I’ll give you something to drink, you look a little dehydrated.” She doesn’t wait for a response and grabs his hand, urging him in the house. He looks around and feels a rush of warmth and a comforting scent in the house. “I’m going to get you some water.” She leaves him in the living room, as he goes towards a picture frame on a desk. He squints and sees you, Y/N, his first love. You have short hair and are carrying a baby, your smiling big and your cheeks are lightly touching the baby’s cheek. Then it hits him, your child is Seo-ah, the features are similar, she’s just as beautiful as you, he looks more at the picture and notices you look young. He remembers when you guys broke up in your mid twenties, he is doing math in his head calculating the age you had her. Is Seo-ah his, no way it can’t be, you would’ve told him.  “Ahh, that’s my Mom, isn’t she pretty?” Seo-ah intrudes his math calculations and hands him a cup of ice water.

Seokjin takes the water and places on the desk, “ Seo-ah, if you don’t mind me asking...where’s your father?” Her eyes widened but she quickly recovers and laughs.

“Uh, I don’t know. When I was younger, my Mom used to tell me that he was with the stars. I remember always wishing on a falling star that I would at least see my Dad,” she says and smiles thoughtfully. Seokjin heart drops when he hears her somber voice. He wants to hug her and tell her it’s okay, so he pulls her into a hug. Tears in his eyes as he tries to envision the possible memories he missed of her childhood.

“Uhh, Seokjin are you okay?,” she pulls out of the hug and looks at him questioning. He doesn’t know if he’s okay, he wants to ask you if this is his child. He wants answers and he wants to see you.

“ Yeah. I’m okay,” he smiles at her and finally drinks the water. “ When does your Mother come home, I need to tell her that you spend all your money on makeup,” he jokes with Seo-ah. He looks around at the picture mentally tracing her smile that looks similar to yours.

“ Hey! Old man, you can’t tell my mom that! I told you that in confidentiality, I’m never going to tell you anything anymore,” she huffs and twist her ring on her finger. He notices her doing that gesture and is reminded of you, when he gave you a ring for your birthday, promising he’ll buy you a diamond ring in the future. He also remembers you twisting it when you were at the cafe on the day of the break up.

“ Did your boyfriend gave you that ring?,” he asked subtly.

“ No, this actually my Mom’s, she said that my Dad gave this to her when they were in high school high school. I always used to beg her to let me wear it so I can feel closer to him. Eventually she just gave it to me,” she pulls the ring off and gives it to Seokjin so he can see it for himself. He remembers saving all his money for buying this simple ring and how excited you were to receive it, placing so many kisses on his face as a thank you.

Seokjin and Seo-ah heads turn when they hear the front door open,“ Seo-ah, I’m home! Help me with the grocery bags.” Seokjin knows that voice, he would sometimes dream of it singing him to sleep when he was stressed out. When he turns to look at Seo-ah, he realizes she’s already walking towards the front door, Seokjin feels nervous that your here in the same radius as him. He still has the ring and places it in his pocket, and walks toward the front door too. Seo-ah is leading him to the front door and towards the trunk of the car.

You don’t notice him, your too invested on telling what Seo-ah needs to carry and she walks back to the house with the groceries. You go to carry a gallon of milk until a manly hands stops you. You gasped in surprise and turn to see who it is, “Seokjin?” He looks beautiful as ever, doesn’t look like he has aged at all, he looks like the same man you fell in love with, it feels like a dream. You reach forward and grab him in arms, hugging him tightly and he holds your hips with his hands as if it belongs there. But then you pull quickly, “ What are doing here? Were you in my house? How do you know my Seo-ah?,” your asking question after question. Does he know that he’s her father, did he tell her. 

“ Mom, this is Seokjin he ran me over with his bike, look at my knee,” your daughter pouts at you. You look at her knee and see that it’s still fresh. She’s standing besides Seokjin and they look so much like each other, and you can’t help but smile. 

“ It doesn’t look too bad, put some antibiotics on it and let it breath for awhile. If it gets really infected we’ll go to the doctors...,” you grab the gallon of milk before Seokjin can protest, “...it’s nice meeting you, I’m Y/N.” You tell Seokjin and close the car trunk, walking back inside the house, it’s safe to pretend that you don’t know him. It’s for the best.

 You place the groceries on the table and tell Seo-ah to change so she can help you for dinner. Once she’s out of sight you turn to Seokjin, “You still haven’t answered my question.” 

Seokjin arched his eyebrows and crossed his arms, making him look more intimidating. “ You want to ask me questions,” he asked in disbelief and pulls out your ring out of his pocket showing you, “...tell me why Seo-ah had this and told me that her Dad gave this to her Mom in high school.” You look down from his piercing gaze and he walks up to you closer. He puts one of his hands under your chin making you stare into his eyes. “ Is she my daughter?,” he asked quietly. His eyes are glossy and he’s closer to you than ever.

“ No, she isn’t,” you look away from him. It’s better to lie to him, he is doing better things without you. He became a successful actor and model. This is the reason you broke up, right?

“Y/N, tell me the truth,” he says in desperation. His hands are placed on the counter behind you while you’re trapped in the middle. He deserves to know the truth, he’s the father of your child and the man you’ll always love.

“Yes, she’s your child.” You try to leave but he hugs you and sobs into your shoulder. Your shocked because he’s never cried this much, you feel guilty for causing him this much pain. You place your hands in his hair brushing it back, it feels silky in between your fingers. “It also hurt not telling you too,” you tell him while coddling him.

He pulls away from your touch and pain is etched all over his face, “ But why didn’t you tell me! She’s my daughter too, I miss everything about her, the birth of her, her first steps...her calling me Dad. So tell me Y/N, why didn’t you say anything?” His hands are trying to wipe down the tears that are pouring. 

“ I was scared to tell you! You were just becoming a successful actor and all of a sudden your girlfriend is pregnant. When we broke up, you said it was better this way, I didn’t want to hold you back. You have a bright future, I was only going to make things messy for you,” you give him a sympathetic smile. 

“ I didn’t fucking care that I had a ‘bright future’ due to my modeling or acting. All I cared about was you! I love you, I would’ve dropped my career in a heartbeat if you would’ve told me this.” He stares intently in eyes, waiting for you response. You don’t say anything, tears are also falling from your eyes. Seokjin wipes your tears and kisses your cheeks, hushing you gently to stop crying. “ How many pounds was she?,” he brushes some of your hair back. 

“ Six pounds, she was so small in my arms. I remember feeling scared when carrying her,” you say quietly while leaning into his touch. He smiles and tries to imagine what she looked like as a newborn. 

“I wish I was there to support you, you are such an amazing mother, fuck—so beautiful and strong. Your raising her well, she acts just like you,” he smiles teasingly and brushes his nose against yours.

You laugh and swat his chest, “ Seo-ah acts like you, I swear she has the same personality as you. She claims to be the most prettiest girl in school, hmm sounds familiar Seokjin?” Your hand is brushing the hairs on the nape and he basically purrs when you do this. It’s funny how you still know every inch of his body. His body close to you makes you feel warm, and you want to bask it in forever. 

He leans forward and lips centimeters away from yours, “Well I don’t remember you complaining how cocky I was in bed back then.” He goes to kiss you but you hear Seo-ah’s door opening and you lightly push Seokjin away. He pouts when you do this and go over to pick up the vegetables and tell him to start cutting them up. 

You tie your hair back, and help Seokjin cut the vegetables. He playfully nudges you with his hip and you giggle feeling young again. The simple things that he does drives you crazy, why does he look so handsome cutting vegetables. “Mom, can I hangout with Jinho later?,” Seo-ah ask sweetly. You would typically tell her to do some chores or study for some hours before she can even consider hanging out with her boyfriend but Seokjin is here and you need to talk. 

“No.”

 That didn’t come from and you turn to see it was from Seokjin. He’s firmly standing his ground with his arms crossed over, “ There’s no adult supervision and what happens if you get hurt? You can’t trust boys nowadays he might try something—“ he continues but stops when Seo-ah groans. 

“ Ugh, he’s my boyfriend and respectful, we are just going roller skating. And if anything you’re the only one that hurt me,” she exclaims while pointing to her knee for the fourth time today.  You roll your eyes as they keep bickering at each other and you laugh a little when Seokjin lies that all of his dates were supervised when he was in high school. 

“ Calm down, Seo-ah you could go with Jinho but I expect a clean bathroom and bedroom when you come back home,” you tell her and you hear her and Seokjin whining. “Stop whining, or your going to clean the whole house,” you warn her. She murmurs an okay and washes the dirty plates in the sink. Time passes by with you and Seokjin cooking dinner and Seo-ah talking about her day while she was at school. Seokjin is actively listening and asking questions during her storytelling. You start to feel sad thinking that you should've told Seokjin that you were having his child. He fits right in the picture, he’s making some dad jokes, and Seo-ah is groaning but laughing.

Once your done cooking, Seo-ah places the food on the table and you serve everyone. You can tell Seo-ah is eating faster than normal so she can hurry and go to her date. You and Seokjin start talking to each other, it feels normal. You ask him questions about his friends, Namjoon and Jungkook, and he asks you questions about your job and family. “ Do you two know each other?,” Seo-ah ask. 

“No!,” you say loudly.

“Yes,” he says confidently. Seokjin gives you a look and you shake your head no, pleading him not to say something. Telling your daughter that this man, who she just met today is her father is just too much for a kid to handle. You look at her and she sets her rice down and goes to her room. 

“ Why’d you tell her yes? There’s no way in hell I’m telling her that your her Dad.” you whisper yell at him. You turn your head to see what your daughter is doing in her room, but she’s just going through her drawers.

“ But I do know you...please let me tell her that I am her Dad. I want to at least be in her life,” he ask you gently. You look down, not knowing what’s for the best for Seo-ah. He grabs your hand and rubs comforting circles with his thumb. Seo-ah comes back to the kitchen and you quickly pull your hands out of his, and he gives you a pained expression. Seoh-ah places a picture in the middle of the table, and you turn pale, it’s a picture of you and Seokjin at the beach. You remember asking one of his friends to take a picture of you two, it was after graduating high school and decided to celebrate.

“ I know Seokjin is my father, I stole this picture of him five years ago. He looked so familiar...he would always appear on commercials and dramas. Then I remembered looking at your face, Mom...you would always smile fondly when you saw him on TV or when we passed a billboards of him. Today when I saw my da-- Seokjin, in person, I didn’t want him to just pass right by me, I wanted to talk to him...so I purposely went in front of his bike when he was riding it. I took him home so you guys could see each other,” Seo-ah finished and she went towards you, grabbing your hand softly. You couldn’t believe that she knew who her father was the whole time. Your daughter had tears in her eyes and you wanted to take all the pain away. So you pulled her into a tight hug whispering a sorry. You start peppering kisses around her face to stop her crying, you look towards Seokjin and he gives you a small smile seemingly also wanting to comfort Seo-ah. You whispered her to go comfort Seokjin and she leaves your embraced.

She turns and faces Seokjin, “ Hi Dad.” He looked surprised when she calls him Dad but smiles widely as she attacks him in a hug. “ I’m sorry I called you old man...,” she smiles as he laughs. “ I waited for you for a long time and now your here.”

“ I’m so sorry I was gone for a long time...I knew something from my life was always missing. It was you and your Mother. I promise I’ll always be there for you...would you like that? Would you let me be in your life and you can be in mine?,” he brushes her and smiles happily. 

“ Yes.” She pulls him into a tighter hug and he groans. “Don’t tell me your back hurts old man.” You snort a laugh and can’t help but feel warm watching your daughter and her father hugging. You start to imagine how much easier it would be to had told him, how it would be like if he was there in her earlier stages. 

“ Seo-ah, don’t you have a date to go to?,” you ask her while walking up to them. She looks up to Seokjin for permission and he nods his head, she happily glees and goes to her room. You reach for his large hand and cradle it, “ I’m so sorry, if I could go back in time I would tell you. Then you wouldn’t have to miss everything and Seo-ah would’ve had a better life-” he cuts you off and places his index finger on your lips. Seo-ah reappears in the kitchen and hugs you and Seokjin goodbye. You tell her to be careful and to comeback before nine pm. Once she leaves you and Seokjin go to the couch.

“ Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t you dare say she would've had a better life. You raised her all by herself and look how amazing she is. I’m here now, that’s all that matters my love,” he cradles your face in his warm hands. You close your eyes, waiting for him to kiss you. The last time you had kissed him was over ten years ago, and oh man how you loved kissing him. You pucker your lips and then feel his plush lips on your forehead. You gasp and open your eyes only to see him leaning back and chucking at you. “ You want me to kiss you, remember I don’t kiss before the first date.” He traces your bottom ip with his thumb.

“ I don’t like you right now,” you pout and turn your head. He tilts your head back to stare at him and he comes closer to your lips, you think he’s going to tease you again but this time you feel his warm lips on yours. It’s small innocent kiss until his tongue traces your bottom lip, asking for entrance. The kiss now feels like a lost lovers kiss and you enjoy the feeling of desperation in the atmosphere. You pull back when things start to get more heavy, “ I thought you don’t kiss before the first date.”

“ I changed my mind, the love of my life is right in front of me, why wouldn’t I kiss her.” He goes back to kiss you once more.

--

“ Mom, I’ll bring Father’s medication tomorrow morning,” he whispers and hears her complaining and asking questions. He looks over at you, where you lay in bed asleep and naked.  You slightly shiver due to the cold and he brings the blanket over your body and you unconsciously smile in the warmth. He caresses your hair and gently places kisses on your cheeks. “ And I’m marrying Y/N and we have a child,” he smiles fondly while looking at you. It’s silent for a while and he thinks his Mom had accidentally hung up. “...Mom?”

“ Your Mom is driving to your place right now, son,” his Father sighs. “ Congratulations, I knew you and Y/N were gonna end up together.”

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Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

#bts #bts fic #bts scenarios #bts jin #bts seokjin #seokjin x reader #seokjin smut #seokjin fanfic #seokjin angst #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #bts fanfic #seokjin imagine #bts imagines #bts imagine #jin x y/n #dad seokjin #you again #bangtan #au

[neoangelic]

Midnight; mark lee

➳ You sneak off with your midnight boy, Mark Lee. He’s the cool biker-type frat boy from the infamous Nu Gamma Tau house but he’s different when you’re alone.

➳ frat boy! greaser! mark lee x reader (if greasers can be total DORKS) | college au | fluff

➳ note: requested by @leemarkmywords​ 5000 years ago im so sorry babe shit HAPPENED  but I pulled through and wrote it over the course of like six months. I’m sorry its short but i might write more on midnight!mark. Idk if this is soft enough aaaa.

➳ word count: 1730

If you could describe Mark Lee in one word, it would be midnight. He was everything and nothing all at once; the intersection of your dreams and reality. Midnight black hair, midnight black car that he couldn’t even drive, midnight air, and midnight summers. That was Mark. When you were with him, the sky was always a deep, somber blue. The city didn’t do justice for any stars at night, but the twinkling of his wonder-filled eyes was enough for you to gaze into. Midnight black leather jacket, midnight drinks, and midnight kisses—the stolen kind.

“Surprised you managed to sneak out.” The figure jumped at the sound of your voice.

“I didn’t know anyone was out here,” his voice was full and boyish. “Don’t like partying either?”

“Not when there are strangers,” you turned to face him, the moonlight and streetlamp being the only sources of light. He was tall, black-haired, and big-eyed. You looked at the green bottle in his hand, cocking an eyebrow. “They allowed you to take that?”

“Why not? You got one too.” He blew lightly over the top of the bottle, making a hollow whistle.

“You’re not a freshie?”

“And you aren’t?” The boy laughed, “It’s my third year here.”

“Touche—how did you know I’m a first-year?”

“I told you,” he said, sitting next to you on the curb, “it’s my third year. I know a face when I see one and I just happen to not know yours. Why’d you think I was your age? Actually, what is your age? I don’t mean to be a lame jane but alcohol isn’t good for you, you know.”

“I see you hanging out with Jisung and Chenle a lot and they’re in my 101 class—”

“Well, them and the other boys—”

“And I’m… of age.” you shrugged, taking a sip of your canned beer. “If you think it’s so bad then why are you drinking it?

“Because I’m legal enough to make stupid choices.”

“Do you make a lot of stupid choices, then?”

He fell silent for a moment, “uh…yeah, I guess.” You could see his ears tint a slight shade of red. From the embarrassment or the alcohol, you didn’t know. A laugh spilled from your lips. “At least that’s what my hyungs say.”

“You don’t look like a frat boy.” Your eyes land on his Nu Gamma Tau varsity jacket and ring.

“What does a frat boy usually look like?”

“Jung Jaehyun.” The reason why you were here—the reason why your friends dragged you here, rather. “Now tell me, which frat boy are you?”

A breeze picked up at that moment, playing with his hair and tousling it around. The midnight stranger’s cheeks turned pink from the bitter cold and he smiled. 

“My name is Mark Lee and you can mark me in your heart—and oh God, did I just say that?”

The next time you saw him, he was leaning against a jet black supercar, the color almost melding into the night. 

“That your ride?”

Mark jumped at the sound of your voice, “oh—no, I don’t drive. This is Taeyong hyung’s car. If I drove—well that’s illegal—I don’t do illegal stuff—shit, wait, does that sound suspicious?”

You laugh, “so you’re babysitting his car?”

“Yeah, basically. Are you walking back to your dorm?”

You held up your keys, “walking to my car. Unfortunately not as cool as your hyung’s.”

“You wanna go for a drive, then?” He took a lanyard out of his pocket, keys and keychains jingling as they dangled. “He’s gonna be busy for a while anyway.” Any excuse he can use to find a way to talk to you.

“You look all cool and stuff but you do realize you’re asking me to drive your friend’s car because you can’t drive yourself, right?” You laughed at the absurdity of the situation. “What if I just run off with your friend’s car? I’m a stranger.”

“Well—” then, without warning, Mark snatched the car keys from your hand. You tried to snatch it back but he simply held it over his head which was well out of your reach.

“Hey—” he grabbed your wrist, placing Taeyong’s lanyard and keys in the palm of your hand as he pocketed yours. Your heart skipped at the sudden contact, mind buzzing with white noise, unable to process what was happening.

Mark’s stare peered into your soul, his cool-colored pupils and cold metal against your palm contrasted the warmth of his hand clasped around yours. “Shall we learn a little bit more about each other, then?” His hand squeezed yours, the headlights of Tesla Roadster behind him flashing as he pushes the button on the keys.

You couldn’t do anything but gulp and nod your head.

“Just saying, I’ve never driven an expensive car before.”

You liked to drive fast. Even if Mark was nervous the first few times you took a spin, he grew to like it. Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline that covered up for his anxieties and clumsiness. Maybe it was the way you liked the windows rolled down so that the stinging wind was an excuse for his flushed cheeks. Maybe it was the fact that you were too engrossed on the road to notice him staring.

There was small talk, too.

But of course, everything had to end once it hit 1:27 am. Taeyong had to have his car back without knowing you two ever took it out and you—well, you had to go back to your studies as a non-partying, hard-at-work, medical student. Your friends seemed to wonder why you weren’t as opposed to coming to parties with them nowadays. Fortunately, they never noticed your preference for a certain fraternity. This kept going on for about two months. You were your usual college shut-in self, busy with research and internships—then you’d slip out near midnight to ‘catch some air’ and take a spin in Taeyong’s tesla (which you eventually got permission to do) or lie down on the cool, dewy grass with Mark Lee. It was a cliche. A prim-and-proper student who let loose at night, switching your lab coat for something a little more risque and your coffee for beer.

Meanwhile, Mark Lee always seemed so far away. Everyone was aware of his talent in composition, presentation, dancing, and just about everything. He was that person who got along with everyone—his charisma was unrivaled and he had a high level of maturity that a lot of good-for-nothing seniors lacked. But with you, he was Minhyung Lee. He was windswept and unkempt and always flustered. His exterior may be leather jackets and skinny jeans but on the inside, he was just a boy who had feelings for someone else. Feelings that grew stronger every night that he looked at you while you looked at the stars. Feelings that made his words stumble and falter.

The two of you were sitting atop the hood of Taeyong’s car, a blanket placed beneath as to not scratch the expensive surface. It was night again. You decided to go to Hangang river this time. Beers were placed in your hands as the chilly December air froze your fingertips with the moistened aluminum surface of the can. You shivered.

Mark hummed. “This is nice.”

“Yeah, Hangang is one of my favorite views.” The street lights bounced and swayed with the river, city lights melting into strokes of oranges and whites and blues. 

“That too,” he met your eyes, “but I mean this.”

“Which is?”

“Us. The way we talk. Just this—midnight escapades, sometimes drinking, sometimes eating—always laughing.”

You weren’t sure if the chill that went down your spine was the breeze or the way his warm voice spoke low and raspy or how his body shifted just enough to feel his shoulder brush against yours. It was probably the warm sensation that spread through your body as he looked at you with a warm and honeyed stare, speaking those words. 

“Yeah.” You hugged your own body to stop the shaking but you still could feel your heart thudding against your chest; tempo presto.

He leaned forward, shrugging off his dark-wash denim jacket. Delicately, he draped the stiff material over your shoulders.

“You know, denim doesn’t retain warmth right?” It was cold to the touch.

Mark froze. “Oh, sorry—do I—do you want me to take it back? I mean, if it…makes you colder.” His cheeks turned pink again. The color rose up to his ears.

“Are you sure you aren’t cold? You’re flushed.”

“N—no. I’m fine. It’s the beer. I’m wearing a sweater and you’re in a shirt.”

“Thanks.” You pulled his jacket closer to your body, trying to create heat. “The jacket helps—I’m just joking.” He put the drinks aside, carefully dropping them onto the floor without knocking them over. You watched mist form with your exhale as you laid down. City-stars weren’t much to look at, but you still liked to look at the sky.

Mark copied your actions, albeit a little awkwardly.

“You know what could keep us warm?”

“What?”

“Body heat—” you tease, turning your body to face him. “we could snuggle.”

He stayed silent for a few moments. The alcohol was sinking in for both of you. Just like that, you stared at him. You saw his lips part and his pupils shake. His eyes were trained on you, frozen like the rest of his body. The wind brushed his soft, dark hair and lights reflected on his glasses, creating a galaxy of stars, chocolate eyes in orbit. Prettier than the sky.

Mark shifted so you were face-to-face.

“You shouldn’t joke about things like that, you know?” Your breath was bated as you felt his on your skin. You smelt the sharp, tangy-sour scent of beer and mints. He gingerly placed a warm hand on your cheek, tucking hair behind your ear. His thumb brushed your ice-cold nose playfully, “especially not with a boy who has feelings for you. It might give me false hope.”

“You—I think you’ve gotten something wrong here,” you lean into the warmth. His hands tremble for a split second. “That hope isn’t false.”

Then, he called out your name. You’ve never heard it so melodic and beautiful on someone’s tongue. He whispered something into the midnight air before stealing a soft kiss. 

“I like you.”

#cznnet #mark #mark imagine #mark lee #nct imagine #nct 127 #nct #nct u #nct dream #;;;fuck it im using the dream tag #mark lee fluff #fluff #fic #request #college nct au #frat boy au #frat boy! mark #au #college!mark lee #mark lee imagines #minhyung lee #mark x reader #nct fic #nct imagines #kpop

[tisfan]

Ohh love the sarcasm prompts 🤩 how about 63 or 88 with winteriron? Thank you!!!

“I made a new friendtoday.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”

A/n this one is a lot longer than the rest of the prompts, and somewhat angsty with a happy ending, so, don’t read in public without tissues, maybe?

Clearer than the Air 

(ao3 link)

Not everyone got asoulmate. Tony’s parents weren’t soulmates, though Jarvis and Ana were. Tonymostly didn’t remember his dreams, and when he did, they were about buildingthings, or flying, or weird stuff that he couldn’t quite explain. Sometimesthey were nightmares. But he’d never dreamed another person, not the way Anadescribed it.

“Doesn’t mean you don’thave one,” she’d told him, time and again. “They might just be a bit youngerthan you. Not born yet. You can’t talk in your dreams if they don’t even exist,right?”

Tony’s dad had adifferent theory. “Can’t imagine who the hell’d want to be saddled with you.”

Tony was six, and hedidn’t have a soulmate, probably, but that was okay. He’d get by. Stark menwere made of iron. Tony didn’t need anyone else, anyway.

So he was very surprisedto wake from a nap to find himself in a place he’d never been before, bright andshining and... and clear in a way that he’d never experienced before, not evenwith the most perfect glass. It was warm and he wasn’t afraid. And he alsowasn’t alone.

“Holy cow,” someonesaid. “Weren’t expecting this.”

The man, and it was aman, a grown-up man, was laying back on nothingness, except that as soon asTony noticed that there was nothing there, there was. A grassy hill, and theman was laying on it, leaning on one elbow, staring up at Tony. “Hey, kid.”

“Hi.” Tony stared at theman. Then he looked around -- nothing but grass and gently rolling hills, andstill that strange clear feeling. He looked back at the man. “Are you mysoulmate?”

“Christ, I hope not,” theman said, sucking in a shocked breath.  

Oh. Oh. Tony’s dad wasright. No one would want him. Tony took a careful breath, so he wouldn’t cry,because crying was for babies. “Oh. That’s. That’s all right, if you don’t wantme.” It would have to be all right, wouldn’t it?

“No, no, wait,” the mansaid. “I’m a dic-- er, not very nice. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…God, look at you. You’re… I just didn’t think I had one. I mean, you’re soyoung.”

Tony sat down on thegrass. “Mama says I’m very mature for my age. If you don’t want to besoulmates, can we be friends?”

The man patted thegrass. “Yeah, yeah we can. I could use a friend. You gotta name, pal?”

“I’m Tony.” Tony heldout his hand to shake, just like his dad did.

(more under the cut)

The man took Tony’shand, but instead of shaking it, he folded his hand around Tony’s fingers,bowing over his hand. “My name’s Bucky.” He pressed his mouth to the back ofTony’s hand, like they were in a fairy tale and Bucky was a knight greeting theprince. “Look, I don’t know…. I don’t know if I’ll ever find you again, kid.But… just know it’s not your fault. None o’ this. You promise, you’ll rememberthat?”

Tony didn’t quiteunderstand that part. It was nice, that it wasn’t his fault, that wasn’tsomething he heard very often. But what wasn’t his fault? But Bucky looked soearnest and sincere and concerned that Tony found himself nodding. “I’llremember.”

“Shit,” Bucky said, andhis hand tightened on Tony’s and he could feel it, the way he never feltanything in dreams. “I don’t want to go--” His hand squeezed, painfully hardand then… he faded into mist.

“Bucky?” Tony lookedaround. He got up and turned in a circle, but he didn’t see Bucky anywhere.Then the clear turned into fog and--

Tony woke up. “Oh.”Maybe that was what had happened to Bucky -- he’d woken up. That was okay.They’d sleep again, pretty soon.

Tony slid out of his bedand made his way down to the kitchen for a glass of milk and an apple. “I madea new friend today,” he said, as Jarvis was pouring the milk for him.

“Did you?” Jarvis asked,taking Tony seriously the way he always did. Listening to him. “Real orimaginary?”

Tony thought about thatfor a moment. Bucky had seemed very real. But the dream-place was forsoulmates, and Bucky hadn’t wanted to be soulmates, so maybe it was a dreamafter all? And even if Bucky was real, Tony kind of... wanted to keep it all tohimself, for now. For a while. Maybe until he found out where Bucky lived, andthen he’d be able to ask if they could go visit. That sounded like a good idea.“Imaginary,” Tony said, and took a bite of his apple.

“Imaginary friends canbe very dear,” Jarvis said. “And just as special, if not even more so, than thepeople around us. An imaginary friend won’t let you down, or disappoint you. Orbe disappointed in you. So, you give them a special hug, won’t you? Next timeyou talk.”

“Okay,” Tony agreed. Ahug sounded nice.

Tony didn’t dream ofBucky again that night. Or the next. Or the next. Ana had told him thatsoulmate dreams happened often, almost any time you were both asleep -- butBucky didn’t come back.

Maybe he’d been a dream,after all. Or he really, really didn’t want Tony, even as a friend.

Tony was disappointed,but he hid it as best he could. Soon after, Tony’s dad announced that he’dfound a boarding school that would take Tony on despite him being a good dealyounger than the usual first-year students, and Tony had that to occupy him.

Days turned into weeksturned into months turned into years. Tony was fourteen, and had just gottenhis acceptance letter from MIT, when he fell into bed after a late night ofstudying, and woke up to oddly clear air and a grassy hillside that heremembered nearly down to the individual blades of grass.

He swallowed, hard,barely daring to look, but--

“Oh, Tony, oh, god--”Bucky actually practically leaped up from the hill. He hadn’t changed much fromthe dream that Tony remembered as a boy. His hair was a little longer, tangledand greasy as if he hadn’t washed it in weeks. “Am I actually dreaming?”

“Bucky?” Tony’s voicecracked, to his embarrassment. “Are you really here? It’s been years!”

Bucky rubbed at hisface, and Tony stared. Instead of a human hand, Bucky had something that lookedstraight out of science fiction, a shiny metal prosthetic that moved as if itwere part of him. “They don’t let me--” he started, then cut himself off. “Idon’t dream much.”

“They don’t let yousleep?” Tony took a step closer in immediate concern. “I might be rememberingwrong but I’m pretty sure that’s against the Geneva Conventions. Who-- Who’sgot you? Maybe there’s something I can do, well, not me, my dad, but--”

“No,” Bucky said, “No,you-- no one can do anything for me, Tony. Why… why am I even sleeping now?” Hestared around, like the hill or the sky might have answers for him. “Jesus,they tell you everything about soulmates but they don’t tell you how fuckin’hard it is to lie to one. Tony, you gotta promise me, promise! You’re th’ onlything I got that’s worth shit, and you gotta stay safe. Don’t come looking forme. Please.”

Tony pouted. “That’s ashit thing to ask,” he said. “If you’re really my soulmate... I wasn’t evensure you were real, but you are, and--”

“I’m not real. I’m agoddamn ghost,” Bucky snapped. “And they won’t just hurt you, Tony. They willkill you--” He reached out his hand and touched Tony’s cheek. “You’re sobeautiful. You’re radiant. All I-- they will use me to kill you. Don’t. Pleasedon’t make me do that.”

It was unfair, it wasmonumentally unfair. Especially now that Tony was noticing things that hehadn’t, at six, like how goddamn gorgeous Bucky was, holy shit. But once again,Bucky was asking, all that intent sincerity in his eyes, and Tony could donothing but agree. “...All right,” he said, grudgingly. He tipped his head tostudy Bucky’s face. “You weren’t, y’know, avoiding me?”

“If I could stay herewith you, I would,” Bucky promised. “If I coulda been there, for you, all thoseyears… what are you, thirteen, now? I missed so much, I’m so-- so sorry, Tony.”

“Fourteen,” Tony said.“Almost fifteen. Would you-- We can stay here, right? For now? For a while?”

“Yeah, as long as Ican,” Bucky said. He ran that amazing hand through his hair, pushing it backfrom his face. “I think-- I think I’m hurt. I might be… might be in Med/Rep.”He sat down, pulling Tony down onto the hillside with him, laced their fingerstogether. “Tell me… tell me something about you, something special.”

“Uh, I don’t know. I...I got into MIT, that’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked.“That’s the, yeah the engineering school, they moved to Cambridge just before Iwas born.” He chuckled. “Some rich swell, he donated a ton of money, Mr.Eastman. They… the school has a beaver for a mascot.”

“Almost right,” Tonysaid. “Except the school moved, like, ages ago. Before my dad was even born,and he’s old.”

“Age is just a number,right?” Bucky asked, not as a rhetorical question, but seemingly an honestinquiry. “I mean, does it matter? I don’t think it matters anymore.”

“Sure, I mean, if you’retalking about us, I’m not, y’know, freaked out by the difference or anything.”Tony leaned into Bucky’s side, and it was just exactly like he’d alwaysimagined it would feel, but better.

Bucky ruffled Tony’shair. “I think you’re just right. Even if you’re about half m’ damn age. Justmeans you’ll be prettier, longer.”

Tony laughed. “All this,and brains, too,” he quipped. “I’m glad you came back.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Buckysaid. “Hey, Tony, I don’t… you know. I don’t want you to-- just live, for me,okay? Party and have good friends, kiss some pretty dames. I can’t… I don’tknow how often I’ll be here, with you, an’ I don’t want you to feel like youneed to wait for me, or nothin’. I ain’t gonna be sore at you.”

Tony bit his lip. “Butyou’ll come back, right? As much as you can?”

“If I can, when I can,”Bucky promised. He inhaled sharply, pushing his hand against his ribs.“Sedative’s wearing off, they’ll be-- No, no, no, I don’t want-- gimme a kiss,Tony, to bear me away?”

Tony twisted around andpressed his lips to Bucky’s. He’d never kissed anyone before, not really, so heprobably wasn’t very good at it, but it was warm and soft and nice and...

...and Bucky was goneagain.

That special cleardream, the air so sharp it could cut, was dark.

There’d never been anysun, not that Tony could see, but it was always bright and warm and the sky hadbeen as blue as Bucky’s eyes.

Not that night.

It was black, black andstarless, nothing but darkness and some faint, unhealthy greenish glow from… hedidn’t even know. It suited his mood, though, the half-numb grief and guilt andrelief and anger and... everything that had been stirring around in him fordays, since his parents had died.

He shouldn’t havethought there were nevers involved; Tony had only been here twice. That wasn’ta statistically significant number for determining an always or a never.

Despite barely beingable to see, Tony knew exactly where he was.

There was one spot, oneplace in the darkness, that was utterly, utterly black. Not even the greenishglow penetrated it. Not much larger than a man, if a man was curled up onhimself, as tight of a ball as Bucky could manage.

And Tony knew that itwas Bucky, Bucky was there, he was there, in this, the worst moment of Tony’slife.

“Bucky,” Tony said, andit felt like putting down a burden to be here, just when he needed it most.“Oh, god, Bucky.” He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Bucky’sshoulders. “Thank God. Bucky, my-- my parents, they--”

“... don’t…” Buckymanaged. He didn’t uncurl from the ball, didn’t look at Tony. Tony could barelyhear him at all, couldn’t feel the solidness of him. It was like he was barelythere, trying to wake himself up. “Don’t touch me, I’m… oh, Tony, I’m so, sosorry.”

That brought Tony upshort. That didn’t sound like I’m sorry your parents are dead, it sounded likeI did something wrong. “What? Bucky, what... what happened?” He reached out,but couldn’t quite touch, not if Bucky didn’t want him to.

Bucky looked up at him,then, and even in the dim light, Tony could see that Bucky looked wrecked.Devastated. His face was ravaged with grief, guilt. Agony. “This is a mockery,it’s perverse. It’s-- I… I’m disgusting. This is no good, Tony, it’s no good atall. I can’t… I can’t be-- you shouldn’t be here.”

“What, no, no, don’ttalk like that, you can’t-- You’re not disgusting! What’s wrong, what... Bucky,please, you’re scaring me!” Tony bit his lip until it was nearly bleeding.“Talk to me.”

“I should scare you,”Bucky told him. “I should fucking terrify you. I’m a monster, Tony.” He rippedat his clothes, pulling off strange-looking armor to reveal a scarred chest,the metal arm practically burned on-- “Look what they’ve made me into!”

“That’s not your fault,”Tony said stubbornly. “You can’t help that. That’s on them. I’m not scared ofyou, I’m scared for you. Tell me what happened, please.”

“I did exactly what Iwas designed and made to do,” Bucky said, and he was sobbing. Not loud orjagged, but tears practically poured down his face, dripping from his chin.“Mission report, successful. Dead. No witnesses. Objective obtained. I’m aweapon, and weapons only do one thing, Tony. They kill.”

“You’re more than aweapon,” Tony insisted, though something was churning uneasily in his guts.“Bucky, you’re more than that, you have to be more than that.”

Bucky scoffed, bitter,getting to his feet with a grunt of effort. “Why? Because you love me? Don’tyou see, Tony-- Don’t you see that’s why this is so awful? Don’t. Don’t comeback here again. I’m dead. I’m dead to everyone in the world who matters.”

“You’re not, you’re notdead, and I do love you,” Tony said, and tears were sliding down his owncheeks. “You can’t-- You can’t leave me, not now. You promised!”

“This may be the onlytime I can leave you,” Bucky said, that mask of anger cracking. “I have to, Ihave to rip this thing out by the roots. This is a mockery, Tony. It was nevermeant to be. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

He took a step back,toward the darkness. And another, and another. “I wish to Christ I didn’t loveyou.”

And he was gone.

Not everyone got asoulmate. Tony would’ve been fine, without one. But he couldn’t, not even afteryears of searching, find a single credible account of one soulmate rejectinganother.

Alcohol helped. If hedrank enough, he skipped right past dreaming and on to completely passed out.

Drugs were better. Theypainted his dreams so luridly that even if he did wind up back on that grassyhill, he didn’t recognize it.

He was a genius, and hewas rich, so he had no trouble obtaining as much liquor and drugs as he wanted,and no lack of people willing to share it with him. Of course, after a while,his body began to adapt to the drugs. It took more and more of them to wipe hisdreams away. He stayed up for days at a time, until he was on the verge ofhallucinating, and then took the drugs, and that worked for a little while.

But it seemedinevitable, after all, when he opened his eyes on air that was clear and sharp,and the light, wherever it came from, was back, if not as bright as Tonyremembered it from the first two times.

“I’ve seen you,” Buckysaid. “A few times. You couldn’t hear me. I thought that was… better, maybe.But it’s not, is it?”

“Why are you here?” Tonydemanded. “You don’t want me. Look at me! I’m a mess!” The world was tiltingcrazily, and Tony had to sit down. Fall down. They were sort of the same.

“What have you beendoing to yourself?” Bucky reached out, not asking permission, not evenhesitating, and tugged Tony into a sitting position, grabbing his chin withthat metal hand to peer into Tony’s eyes. “Jesus, are you trying to killyourself?”

Tony huffed and pulledaway. “What do you care?”

“Don’t know,” Buckysaid, “but I do. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe it would be better if… doesn’tmatter, does it? We’re both stuck with this, and I care. I care so much it’sbreaking me. I can’t… I can’t… I can’t hold onto nothin’, just you, and… I’m anold ghost and I’m haunting myself. How old are you, now?”

“Twenty... six. I think.What day is it?” Tony shook his head. “You won’t even tell me why.”

“Huh…” Bucky patted hishair, gently, and Tony wanted to protest, he wanted to throw Bucky off, exceptit felt really, really good. Soothing, somehow. “We’re almost the same agenow.”

Tony frowned at him.“How do you figure that? Time is still linear.”

“Yeah, I know,” Buckysaid. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’m not quite twenty-eight. I’ve been… notquite twenty-eight for a long, long time now.”

“That doesn’t even makesense,” Tony complained. He squinted at Bucky. “Are you a hallucination?”

“I was born… in 1917. Idied in 1945. About a month before my birthday,” Bucky said. He hugged Tony tohim, as if he wasn’t even aware that he was doing it. “Didn’t take.”

“How does that evenwork?” Tony asked. The whole thing was making him irritable. He wasn’t supposedto have come here! “Who the hell has you?”

Bucky turned his head,nuzzled once at Tony’s hair. “Do some research, genius,” he said, almost likehe was scolding. “Arnim Zola. Cryo-hibernation. Project Rebirth. You’re a smartcookie. Look into it. Live, Tony. Stop tryin’ to drown me out with booze,you’re… your eyes are getting yellow. You’re killing yourself one drink at atime.”

Tony couldn’t help butlean into Bucky’s touch. “You didn’t want me,” he said petulantly. “Was tryin’to stay away.”

“I’ll always want you,”Bucky swore. “Always. But I am bad for you, baby. Everything about this iswrong. Ain’t your fault. It’s never been your fault. It’s just me. I’m poison.”

Tony sighed and leanedharder into Bucky’s body. “Maybe I’m immune,” he said. “Maybe I’m the antidote.Are you worse for me than the drinking and the drugs?”

“I don’t know,” Buckysaid. “I can’t promise… there’s… this is the only place that I’m still real,that I’m still mostly myself. If I ever see you-- I might not know who you are.I-- I’m wakin’ up, Tony. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’ve been puttin’ you throughthis. I thought… I meant it for the best. I thought you’d be better --crap,lemme go--”

Bucky was fading and hewrenched at himself, like he was struggling in quicksand. “I love you, TonyStark. Don’t you forget it.”

“I love you,” Tony said quickly, before Buckycould disappear entirely. “I love you, no matter what. You’re mine and I’myours.” He tried to press a kiss to Bucky’s fading lips, but he barely felt it,just a whisper of sensation, and then Bucky was gone again.

Tony didn’t have asoul-dream while he was in Afghanistan. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointedor grateful for that. It would have been a comfort at a time that he sorelyneeded one. But it would also have been a distraction, and Tony wasn’t entirelysure he was ready to face Bucky -- the Bucky, James Buchanan Barnes,Captain America’s right-hand-man and a hero in his own right -- after havingbeen confronted with incontrovertible proof that his weapons were very much inthe wrong hands.

But Bucky didn’t come,not then, and not afterward. Tony was left to process Obie’s betrayal on hisown, and to finally decide to make an attempt, however late, to live up to hissoulmate’s sense of honor and justice.

Knowing Bucky was alive-- somewhere, somehow, sometimes -- made it easier to accept when CaptainAmerica was discovered and returned to the living. It didn’t make dealing withthe man easier, though. Nor did it help him accept the literal aliensthat invaded New York shortly thereafter. He carried that nuke through theportal and thought of Bucky, though. He wondered if Bucky would know, the nexttime his mysterious captors woke him up, that Tony had died.

He didn’t die. Buckydidn’t come to him then, either. It wasn’t until a couple of years later thatTony opened his eyes on clear air and a grassy hill and took a deep breath forthe first time, it seemed, since Afghanistan.

The hill was dotted withflowers, dandelions, mostly, in various states of yellow and bright, or whiteand puffy. Bucky had pulled a few of the puffy ones up and was blowing them --make a wish, Ana’s long-gone voice told him -- across the landscape.

“Tony--” Bucky lookedup, as if shocked to find Tony there. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I’m not the one who’sbeen absent for more than a decade,” Tony pointed out. “Christ, you’re youngerthan me, now. There’s a switch.”

“I don’t age,” Buckysaid, looking down at his hands. Absently, he started braiding a crown offlowers, mechanical hand as dextrous and graceful as the other. “I don’t age. Idon’t… I don’t remember. All of this-- since you were a kid. Has happened in, Idunno, maybe three months? Six months? I don’t… I don’t think it’s going to goon much longer.”

“What’s not going onmuch longer?” Tony wondered. He sat down next to Bucky, aching to touch.

“Me,” Bucky said.“There’s something wrong… something wrong with me. I keep slipping. It used tobe, they’d thaw me out, and I’d be good for months, do what they wanted. Theirkilling machine. Point me in the right direction and I’d go. It’s not like thatanymore. They can get, maybe a few days work before they have to wipe meagain.”

He finished off thecrown, tucking the stem ends up and closing the loop. With careful reverence,he laid the yellow and green flowers over Tony’s brow. “I’m breaking. I don’t…I don’t think he expects me to complete this mission. Or… maybe themission is for me to fail. I don’t think I can win. I think the mission willkill me.”

The child inside Tonywanted to cry out, It’s not fair! They’d only met a handful of times,never even in the real world. But that wasn’t how the world worked. Fairwasn’t on offer. “I’m part of a team of superheroes now,” he said, mouthquirking sardonically, because he was never going to be able to say that with astraight face. “You can tell me, now, who it is who has you. We’ll come and getyou out of there.”

“I know who you are,”Bucky said. “Iron Man, threat level 6, kill on sight. I wish I understood how…I know myself here, as much as I know you, and I know… what the Winter Soldierknows. I remember, the briefings, the missions. What I’ve done. What I wish I’dnever done. Tony-- I should have died. In the war, I should have died and Ididn’t. I don’t think I’ll ever see you again, and I… you know I keep trying totell you how messed up this is. You have to listen to me, this last time. I’mnot going to go to my death with you still thinkin’ I’m somehow… right for you.”

“You’re not going tochange my mind, you know,” Tony said, “but you go ahead and tell me whateveryou need to say.”

“Howard was my friend,”Bucky said. “I thought you looked familiar, first time I saw you. I didn’tknow, I swear to you, I didn’t know… Smart, he was, just as sharp as a tack.But dumb, too. He didn’t think anyone knew, but they’re everywhere. December,1991. He had a breakthrough, on the Rebirth serum. Remade Erskine’s formula.The Soviets knew their government was going down; they… you have to understandthat Hydra doesn’t hold itself to any one particular government ideal, but theywork with subversives in all governments. Everywhere. Everyone.”

He swallowed hard andlooked at Tony with strange intensity. “The rebirth serum could not stay inAmerican hands. Not with the fall of the Soviet Union being inevitable. Theysent an Asset to retrieve the formula. Kill Stark. No witnesses.”

“No,” Tony said. “No,you can’t mean--” His hands were shaking. “No.” His brain was reboundingbetween that last irritable argument with Howard and then Bucky, only a coupleof days later, saying, Dead. No witnesses. Objective obtained. “That wasmy mom.”

“I know,” Bucky said.The ache in his voice was beyond sympathy, or remorse. It was a dull, blackspot, like a cancer, that was growing and would consume him. “Don’t mourn forme, Tony. It’s only just that I pay for what I’ve done.”

“I...” Part of Tonywanted, needed to comfort Bucky, to wipe that flat, hopeless expressionfrom his face. But the rest of him was incandescent with rage. “I can’t, I--”The easy breathing of before was gone, leaving him barely able to draw abreath. “You, I...” He shook his head violently. “Why can’t I just wake up?!”

“I never wanted to,”Bucky continued in that dead voice. “I don’t… I never… they do something to me,they take away my memories, my… who I am. It’s just gone. I can remember, here,but when I’m awake, everything is just… either the mission, or maintenance.It’s either crystal, cold clarity, or it’s pain and confusion. It’s not… itisn’t what I wanted to be, this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.”

Bucky turned his face tothe sky, yelling at God, or the heavens, or the soulrealm. “This is wrong, it’swrong, I shouldn’t have to hurt him like this!”

Tony yanked the flowercrown off his head and threw it in Bucky’s face. “Just-- Leave me alone!”

He woke with a jolt,tears already running down his face and a pain in his chest that felt likeemptiness.

It was the very next daywhen JARVIS said, “Sir, I have news regarding Captain Rogers.” Without waitingfor Tony’s permission, a screen opened showing what looked like traffic-copterfootage of -- yeah, that was definitely Steve and -- was that Natasha? And whowas the third guy? -- facing off against a team of guys in black tactical gear.

He could be inWashington in half an hour. Fifteen minutes, if he broke some FAA rules. “Prepthe suit, J, and-- Wait. Hold screen.” Tony dragged the window wider, focusingon the masked leader of the assailants... who had a metal arm.

“Threat level six, killon sight,” Tony murmured. “Son of a bitch. Fuck.” He’d never even toldSteve that Bucky was alive, somewhere.

Bucky hadn’t expected tolive through this mission, and now Tony understood why.

“Sir, the suit is ready.Shall I deploy?”

Tony stared at thefrozen news screen, unable to respond. Which one of them would he even berescuing?

Fuck it; he’d figure itout on the way. “Deploy,” Tony said.

As it happened, JARVIShad already filed with the FAA for special permissions for low-altitude,high-speed travel citing a probable national emergency. Tony wasn’t sure ifhe’d actually obtained permission, or just created it, but eitherway, there it was. He shot south as fast as he could push the suit.

He saw smoke risingbefore he even reached the outskirts of Washington. “JARVIS, get a lock on themain guy’s support team; let’s clean up the distractions first.” Plus, that wayhe didn’t have to think about what he was here to do.

“Support team arealready out of the equation, sir. Acquiring primary target.”

“Let’s give him a chanceto surrender, now that he’s outnumbered,” Tony said, and didn’t think about howweak his voice sounded. Below, the Winter Soldier was holding his own againstSteve and Natasha. The third guy, where was-- There. Tying up the WinterSoldier’s support team. Okay.

Tony dropped into place,hovering, and opened his PA mic. “Time to stand down, Manchurian Candidate,” heannounced. Please, he begged silently.

“Tony, what the hell--”Steve blurted out. “Get him, he’s killed Fury!”

The shield bouncedthrough the combat field again, this time chucked by some guy with with a tinyknife and a big goddamn gun. “On your left,” the guy yelled, and Steve caughtit, even in the middle of combat, a tiny smile touching his features.

“You, I like,” Tonysaid. He aimed a repulsor at the Winter Soldier. “Come on, don’t make me dothis,” he said.

“Iron Man,” the WinterSoldier said, sounding… mechanical. The goggles on his face mask had broken atsome point and he was staring at Tony with confused, brilliant blue eyes.“Threat level six.”

He reached around behindhim, grabbed a tiny little grenade, and threw it at Tony with terrifyingaccuracy. It was like he’d already analyzed enough of Tony’s movements to knowhow Tony was going to dodge, because the instant Tony ducked aside, the goddamnthing curved.

Tony had just a glimpseof Natasha leaping out from behind a car, holding a garrotte, before thegrenade exploded right in Tony’s face, and everything went dark.

They were smart. Whoeverthey were. He was seated in a thick, metal chair, a head restraint holding himback, and magnetic cuffs pinning him in place.

He couldn’t help the wayhis breath sped, waiting for the wipe.

Waiting for the pain.

“Mr. Barnes,” someonesaid. He couldn’t look, he couldn’t see anything except the explosion and theway Iron Man had gone slack, falling to the pavement. Target eliminated.

He didn’t answer theperson. What could he possibly have to say? What answers could make up for whathe’d done?

“Mr. Barnes,” they saidagain. “Your vitals suggest extreme stress. You’re malnourished, dehydrated,and sleep deprived. We’d like your permission to sedate you for a while, untilwe can get you stabilized.”

He didn’t say anything.He didn’t acknowledge the voice. There was nothing to say. There was nothing toacknowledge. She was going to attempt sedation, regardless. His wants had neverbeen considered.

A man moved between hisline of sight and the wall.

Captain Rogers, threatlevel 6. Eliminate on sight.

Well, mission failure.

“Bucky?”

“Who the hell is Bucky?”That burst out before he even knew he was going to say anything. He shouldn’thave said anything.

“Bucky, let us helpyou,” the man said. Captain Rogers. Steve. Punk.

He glanced up to see theworry on Captain Rogers’ face. He was wearing a uniform, instead of the casualcivilian attire that he’d been in when the Winter Soldier had discovered him.Needed the authority, maybe.

“You can’t help,” hesaid. His voice was rusty, his throat hurt. Like he hadn’t talked in years, ormaybe that he’d spent years screaming.

“Let us try, okay, pal?”

He couldn’t stop them.He didn’t want to stop them. Whatever they did to him, whatever torments andagonies they visited on him. It was just what he deserved. But they alsoweren’t going to act unless they got this mockery of permission. Whateverhelped them sleep at night, he guessed.

“Yeah,” he said.

He might have saidsomething else, but blackness overwhelmed him.

The last thought he hadas it chased him into oblivion was that they must know. They knew who he was,they knew what he was, because normal sedation methods did not work on--

The hillside was warm, theway it always was.

The only time, the onlyplace, that he ever felt warm anymore. The rest of the time, he was just cold.He was always cold.

Why was he even here?His mate was dead, and Bucky had killed him. There should never be any soulrealm for him, not anymore.

There should have neverbeen any to begin with.

He closed his eyes andallowed the tears to slip free. Mourning the man he’d never so much as touchedin the real world.

Hydra would recover himsoon; no one else could hold him, they’d never allow it.

If Bucky was very, verylucky, his captors would be stupid, careless. He kept a grace knife, betweenthe plates of his upper arm. Just thirty seconds with his arm free and he couldcut his own throat.

“Well, this is a hell ofa mess.” Tony was standing where he always stood, here, arms crossed, browfurrowed as he considered Bucky. He looked... fine. Tired -- the skin under hiseyes was dark and sunken -- but alive. Not even bruised.

“You look good for adead man.” Which was completely inane. Stupid. Bucky had finally lost whatlittle of his mind was left intact. Maybe they were both dead, and if so, Buckywas going to find his maker and kneel at the man’s feet for giving Bucky thisone, last, vivid hallucination.

“Thanks. So do you.”Tony tipped his head. “You didn’t think you could kill Iron Man thateasily, did you?”

“Didn’t really have timeto check for vitals,” Bucky said, the relief washing over him was so great thathe was practically giddy. “But you did make a hole in the pavement. That’s… notusually something people get up from.”

There was some dim partof him that wanted to argue that Tony should have been dead. The Winter Soldierdid not fail simple kill commands. That didn’t happen, and there was aspurt of fear that accompanied thoughts of what would happen when Pierce knewof his failure, knew… Bucky would be found so easily, he would be found and theconsequences of his failure would be visited on not only him, but everyonearound him.

“Fuck, I need t’ get outof here,” Bucky said, and he moved as if to struggle against restraints thatweren’t here…

“Hey, hey, hey, take iteasy, relax,” Tony said, hands out, placating. “You dropped the suit, but Iwasn’t in it. Remote piloting. I’m not even in Washington. You’re in custody.You’re okay. We’re both okay.”

“I’m compromised,” Buckysaid, trying for urgency, but the relief was still so great, he couldn’t helpbut just… breathe. Inhale the scent of the grass, the clear cut blue of thesky, Tony. All the things he associated with this… this place. “They will comefor me. You won’t be able to stop them. You don’t even know who they are,they’ll execute everyone, on the mere chance that I’ve talked.”

“Well, then, now wouldbe a good time to actually talk,” Tony pointed out. “What are we dealing with,here. You’ve got Captain America and Iron Man both on your side, and we candrag the others in if we need to, but it helps a lot if we know what we’refacing.”

“Hydra,” Bucky said,simply, because there was no point in hiding it anymore. He couldn’t evenremember why he’d ever started. Shame, maybe. The pointlessness of confessing,the fear that Tony would try something stupid, like rescue the carcassthat was carrying around so very little of what left of Bucky Barnes. “Hydra.They’re everywhere. Inside SHIELD, inside the World Security Council.Inside the White House.”

“Yeah, we kind offigured out SHIELD was infested when they declared Captain America a fugitive.How high up does it go? Did they kill Fury because he knew too much?”

“I killed Fury,” Buckymuttered, because it was true. “He… he went to Rogers. Rogers might know. Hadto eliminate or discredit Rogers, so he won’t expose Pierce before Insightlaunches.”

It was hard to say. Eachword screamed against his insides as he practically choked them out. Blades inhis throat, poison in his lungs. He confessed, with no hope of redemption. He’ddone so much, he’d been complicit in so much. The lives that would be lost inthe next three days, he was drowning in that blood. He could never be forgivenfor what he’d done.

Tony sucked in a breaththrough his teeth, looking grim. “All the way up to Pierce? Damn it. Okay.We’ll deal with it.” He knelt beside Bucky, took Bucky’s hand in his own.“We’ll deal with it. Promise. You’re safe now.”

“There’s no safety,”Bucky said. He would die for this, for this treachery, but maybe, if he diedexposing Insight, there would be some, later, who would speak well of him.“Insight is ready, it’s going to launch. Millions… millions will die.”

“How soon?” Tonywondered. “Hours, days?”

“Two days, maybe less.Depend-- my mission. My mission failed. Rogers is alive. Could launch…maybe eight hours?” He stared at his hands and then finally, finally looked upat Tony, taking him in, drinking in the ease and cool water that was Tony.“You know I won’t be able to verify or confirm any of this… when I wake up.Will I even wake up?”

“You’re going to wakeup,” Tony promised. “I told you, you have Captain America and Iron Man both onyour side, here. But we might need to take care of this Insight mess first. Andthen we’ll work on getting your head straightened out, out there.” He sighed.“Steve is going to be so pissed that I didn’t tell him about you.”

“Whatwas to tell? I was a tiny scrap of sanity,” Bucky said. “Just a dream. Youdidn’t have any proof, no idea where to find me. I didn’t want you to know.”

“Yeah,well. I know where to find you now. We’re going to fix this, honey. Promise.”

Hedidn’t deserve it. Not forgiveness or even absolution. He didn’t deserve Tonycalling him pet names, or pretending that everything was going to be all right,because it was never going to be all right. “Don’t wake me up. All I’ll do istry an’ kill you again.”

“Maybe,”Tony said, smiling a little. “We’ll talk about that next time. For now, Ishould probably wake up and go fill Steve and Natasha in on the situation.”

He didn’t deserve it.

What happened to him was monstrous, and theycreated a monster. He was the ghost story, the thing in the closet, under thebed. He wasn’t owed any solace, shouldn’t even ask. But he swallowed againstthe tears that were trying to rise again. “Sit with me? For a bit?”

“Yeah, I can sit for a little bit.” Tony foldedhimself down onto the grass and leaned against Bucky’s side, like he hadbefore. “Tell me something about you,” he said. “Something special.”

There was a tickle in the back of his throat, andwhen Bucky opened his mouth, he discovered it was a laugh. “I was two-timewelterweight boxing champion of Brooklyn.”

“Yeah? When you’re feeling better, I’ll have tointroduce you to Happy. He’s a boxer. My fighting style offends him.”

“I know,” Bucky said, slowly. “I know what I’vedone can never be undone. I didn’t want to, it wasn’t my choice. But I didthem. I’m… I may not be worth… this. But I am so, very sorry for everythingI’ve put you through.”

Tony took a breath and held it, his eyes closed,and then let it out on a sigh. “I know. I appreciate the apology. I won’tpretend it’s not... difficult.” He looked up, his eyes warm and serious. “Butyou are absolutely worth it. You’re worth everything.”

“You’re either a liar, in which case, you’repretty good at it,” Bucky said, “or you’re insane, which is more likely, I’lladmit. Or you mean that, and I absolutely do not deserve it.” He hesitated thenreached out his hand, letting those cool, metal fingers hover midair, to see ifTony would take it. An eternity of waiting, or maybe only a second--

Tony closed his hand over Bucky’s withouthesitation, then pulled it in to kiss the knuckles. “Yeah, we’re going to workon that.” He sighed. “I should wake up and go save the world again.”

For once, Bucky looked around with certainty. Itdidn’t matter, he supposed, what happened next. “I’ll… be right here waiting.”

“Sergeant Barnes?” The girl -- and she really wasa girl, closer to sixteen than Bucky was to sixty (or ninety, or a hundred. Hecouldn’t tell anymore, and it didn’t matter.)

“Just Bucky,” he said, shaking his head andmarvelling at the fact that he could, legitimately, reclaim his name. Reclaimsomething of himself. Some of his soul, worn and battered as it was.

Not quite, he thought, as much as it should havebeen. “Princess--”

“It is only Shuri,” she said. “What troubles younow?”

“Did you… do something?” He didn’t know how totell her what he feared, that in addition to cleansing his triggers andconditioning, she’d… falsely eased his burdens.

“I did many things,” she said, grinning proudly.She deserved to be proud. She was by far the smartest person he’d ever met.“All of them fair, just, and for both the benefit of yourself, and what thecouncil decided, in the face of your rather extraordinary circumstances. Youare, as of this moment, a free man. And no longer under my care.”

Freedom.

There’d been a hearing; he’d watched most of iton the cameras, gone in exactly once to give testimony (most of his testimonyhad gone from him to Shuri, through his attorney -- a tall, green woman,well spoken and persuasive -- before ending up in front of the jury.)

They’d declared him America’s longest Prisoner ofWar.

A hero. Some might say.

He didn’t feel like a hero.

“So, now what?”

“You are a free man,” Shuri said again. “Far beit from me to tell you what to do.” She waved extravagantly at the door. “Butfor now, please get out of my office.”

He’d always before gone through the other door,the one back to his-- well, for a jail cell, it was a damn comfortable one. Butthere was no mistaking it for what it was. A cell.

This time, he went to the main door, and the knobturned under his hand.

He hesitated, heart pounding in fear. He didn’tknow what was out there. He didn’t know… where he’d go.

Tony had visited him, a few times, in thesoulrealm, but he’d never come to the prison. The Raft, as it was called. Amobile, oceangoing fortress. Inescapable. Bucky hadn’t believed that, but healso hadn’t tried to escape.

Steve had come, not once or twice, but dozens oftimes. He’d also been the one to point out that Bucky’s beard was coming ingrey.

The door opened and emptied him out into ahallway.

There were no guards. There were no guides.

Just a long, simple hallway, with an exit sign atthe far end.

Might as well exit.

He climbed a set of stairs and found himself on…a landing platform, being lashed with rain. It was dark. Windy.

And there was a shiny helicopter on the platform.

“Sky’s the limit,” said a voice from behind him.A voice that Bucky knew as well as his own heartbeat, though he’d never heardit before.

If he’d paused to consider the moment, he mighthave frozen dramatically in shock. Might have gone to his knees insupplication. Might have done a dozen different things. Instead, he turnedwithout thinking and let himself fall into Tony’s arms.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Tony murmured into Bucky’shair. “I’ve been waiting for this, seems like forever.”

“All my life,” Bucky said, and he would no doubthave many, many sessions in which he dealt with his guilt, but for now, all hecould do was be grateful.

Grateful that Tony was here. Grateful that hewasn’t repulsed and revolted by Bucky.

Gratitude.

And love.

Not everyone got a soulmate.

Bucky had almost lost his. He clutched Tonytighter, probably too tight, but he couldn’t help it. He had so much time tomake up for.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

#winteriron #sarcasm prompts #tony x bucky #tony stark #bucky barnes #soulmate AU #scriptatur

[asking-jude]

Hellooo! I hope you are having a lovely day! This isn’t a pressing matter so please feel free to ignore this ask and answer the more urgent asks first, I just wanted somebody to discuss this with cause it has troubling me a bit but please take your time!💖 Anyways right now I’m on a foreign country, Canada in fact (I’m from Mexico) and have seen a lot of handsome men here. I’m 18 so I’m not exactly looking for a boyfriend, but I enjoy the occasional flirtatious banter something like that. Pt1

(ask continued) ...Now I struggle a lot with self-esteem, especially when it comes to facial features and it tends to fluctuate a lot. Sometimes I feel absolutely beautiful and sometimes I seriously feel like a monster, mostly based on the mirrors I use (I’m terrified of pictures and get depressed/anxious with them). Right now I feel like neither, I feel normal, I don’t quite like how I look in the mirror of my residence, but I look ordinary I suppose (I still like to think I’m prettier though to feel better) 

I’m not necessarily hoping for everyone to stare at me when I walk or something, but I have to admit I was hoping for some cute guys to take glances at me or something, but literally the only people who stare at me are older men In their 50s to 70s, or men who look a bit disheveled/don’t groom much. This seems odd to me, I just think what could I possibly have that I appeal to these two specific categories. Maybe I haven’t noticed the cuter guys but I can’t bring myself to think that :/ 

This probably isn’t a big deal but honestly it’s been making me quite sad and insecure again. Like is this the time of person I deserve? Am I so ugly that I can only attract these type of people? Do they think, “she’s not that pretty, I can probably get with her”? I don’t want to sound rude, but these are just my honest feelings. Thinking back on it, ever since I was young, like 10 or something, I’ve had older men, about the same age as right now, stare at me. 

I used to think it was because back in that time I was a bit chubbier, so I appeared a bit more voluptuous perhaps, but right now I’m flat, no butt, no boobs, no waist, so idk. Even my tourist guide, who is VERY voluptuous mind you, got a few whistles from some young guys. My self-esteem has only worsened once I compare myself with the girls over here I’m Canada, or other students, who do get hit on. I start thinking that maybe I’ll never be able to be with someone whom I find attractive.

The problem is only intensified by the fact that I have always had an obsession with looking young and cuter, because when I was little people used to say I looked much older than I was, which I despised and still do to this day (I’m very much into Asian beauty, like looking innocent, young, sweet, but that’s a bit sad because most people associate Mexicans with sexiness and mature ness but whatever, I’m getting sad now I’ll stop).

Once again, I feel worse when I consider the fact that every crush I’ve ever had has never liked me in any way back, so it DOES make me think I can’t attract attractive people. Anyways, I’m very very sorry I sent so many asks, but I just wanted to give you the full picture. Thank you so much for your hard work, and like I said, please take care of the more urgent requests first, I know what it feels to feel like you’re life is hanging by a thread so yeah. Anyways thank you so much! Bye bye💖

Hi there!

I know it can be great to get hit on and grab people’s attention, but it can also be very damaging. Basing your sense of self-worth on other people’s opinions can drastically hurt your self-esteem. Outside forces got into your head and made you feel bad about yourself. When you start thinking that you’ll never meet someone you’re attracted to, you have to know that this is not your voice. Nobody’s voice hates them in the beginning; it’s been implanted in you from people who told you things like you look older than you are. 

Here’s an article that talks about questioning other people’s opinions: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/empowered-parenting/201808/beware-opos-other-peoples-opinions. It brings up this idea of equanimity where some opinions are consequential, and others are not; it’s important to figure out which is which. With this idea, it’s about figuring out who loves you and supports you the most. Who are the people in your corner? Value their opinions more than anyone else’s because they uplift you.

You mentioned that your self-esteem is worsening. To really rebuild your self-esteem, you have to start saying stop to your inner critic. Your inner voice is going to tell you that you’re a monster and you’re ugly, but you don’t have to accept that. Anytime the critic says something, create a stop-word or stop-phrase in your mind. You can say STOP or anything to stop the negative train of thought. From there, pivot to more constructive thoughts and ways to motivate yourself. Self-visualize yourself reaching your goals and how you’re going to overcome the obstacles along the way. On top of that, ask yourself what you really want to do and focus on that. If you don’t know, then just dive into many things and see what you like.

Another thing that’s really important is self-love because it can give us a more positive attitude towards life. A good exercise to do is to spend a small amount of time asking yourself: what are three things you can appreciate about yourself? They don’t have to be big things. Maybe you decided to help a friend out on their homework. Recognizing and appreciating these little things can give you a big boost of positive energy. On top of that, perfectionism can be very destructive in daily life. Beauty standards especially Asian beauty standards are hyper-focused on perfectionism. Many women in Asia especially South Korea feel a sense of unworthiness and resort to plastic surgery. The best thing to do is to simply go for good enough. Be happy in your own skin. You are good enough. 

The last thing I want to say is don’t fall into the comparison trap. No matter what we can do there is always someone who has more or is better than you at something in the world. Don’t focus on the other girls in Canada or the other students who get hit on. Focus on you and how far you’ve come. For one, you’ve come all the way to Canada which is amazing. If you’re still deeply struggling with your self-esteem, I recommend reaching out to someone in your corner or a therapist in your area. Here are a few links that can help you find a therapist: 

- https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/how-to-find-therapist - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freudian-sip/201102/how-find-the-best-therapist-you 

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Your voice is just as important as anyone else’s and we will answer anything you need help with. 

P. S. check out Asking Jude’s YouTube channel to find some helpful videos https://www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude  as well as our ASMR channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCW-frOIU0fLnTSxOxKnBT8Q.  

Sending all my support,

Zaeem

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

#ask #advice #mental health

[yestodaymvv]

never not || lee donghyuck

↳ you never liked the tan skinned, black haired boy for he was always getting into trouble and bullying other students. when your principal decides that the both of you should be co-presidents in your third year of school, you find out that he might not be that bad. 

an: i am back from being inactive, i’m sorry! but i finally got to finish this part of the new donghyuck story i planned weeks ago, i just never got around to continuing it. i’m guessing that this story will be quite long like mark’s never stopped and jeno’s text me. it will take me some time to continue and finish their stories as well as the other dreamies’ stories. i will be doing smaller drabble writings so if you have any requests, feel free to ask them! enjoy <3

word count: 3.5k 

inspiration: my friends who claim that they don’t have feelings for each other when they clearly do

PART ONE. PART TWO. PART THREE.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

To everyone in the town, it was obvious that Lee Donghyuck, although he goes by his nickname of Haechan, had a crush on you. Most people have known it for 6 years. From your third grade teacher and your bus driver, to the diner waiter and the bookshop owner. Everyone knew about the way Haechan felt about you; how he was completely in love with you. Even Haechan knew it. He knew that he was in love with the you; the one who would always bicker him when he got into detentions. The one who would yell at him for always setting up pranks at school. For never doing his classwork and always being able to get one of the highest grades at school. Everyone seemed to know it; except you. You hated Haechan. Hated the way he walked down the halls like he owned the school. Hated how he knew that he made people’s hearts swoon. You hated the how he would, when the both of you were younger, always bullied the other students. The ones that were younger than him; the same age as you. You Hated how he was so full of himself and seemed to think everyone liked him. Everyone didn’t of course. You hated how he would always be bothering you. Always seem to find ways to annoy you and use you as a target. Ever since you’ve transferred into their school 6 years ago, he seemed to have a delight in rousing you up. He would always tease the way you dressed, the way your hair wasn’t always neat and tidy. He always had something to say to you. Haechan wasn’t one to express his feelings well. You didn’t only hate him, but you also hated his group. The “Dreamies” they called themselves. It consisted of Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, and Mark. Together, the five of them were known as the troublemakers of the school. Not only that, but they were quite good-looking and also had a reputation with girls and boys alike. The attention they received only seemed to grow their ego. The only person in that group that you seemed to like is Huang Renjun. He was one of the students who helped showed you around school when you transferred and he was unlike the rest of the boys. True, he did take part in their pranks and he was also good-looking like the rest of them, but he was one of the top students of his grade. He took school seriously and was always on top of his work. 6 years later, after being the new kid at school and meeting Haechan and his group of “Dreamies,” you still hated Haechan. It was the beginning of your junior year and the beginning of Hyuck and his friend’s senior year. Mark, having graduated your sophomore year, was no longer found at your high school and now can be found at the closets university, studying music.

You were on your way to school, walking with your head held high and listening to Insomnia by The Rose. You were entering the sound floors when you felt an arm wrap around your shoulders, pulling you into hug.

“Ahh Y/N, always listening to music,” said Park Jisung, a sophomore and one of your best friends. “You know how many times I had to call your name? Ahh but you’ve just kept ignoring, listening to your music and ignoring your best friend,” Jisung says as he takes out your earphones.

“Jisungie!” you yell, as you turn around and throw your arms around Jisung.

“Did the both of you guys just forget about me?” a voice behind you calls out. You let go go Jisung, turning around, only to face Zhong Chenle, your other best friend who was also beginning his junior year.

“Lele!” running and attacking him with a hug. You felt Chenle’s arms wrap around yours as he starts to laugh. After letting go, you rest each of your arm around Jisung and Chenle’s shoulders; with Jisung on your left and Chenle on your right.

“How I have missed the both of you so much,” you said as the three of you were entering the school doors.

“Yea, I bet you totally missed as while you were out and about in Europe, having the time of your life. You missed us so much that you didn’t hang out with the both of us after you arrived. We still haven’t hung out and school is starting already.”

“Jisung, I did miss you of course. Don’t be bitter that I didn’t get to go to the arcade or go bowling with the both of you. I was jet lagged! I’m still in London time.”

“Yea we get it!” Jisung says as he walks out of your hold and walks ahead of you, facing you and Chenle. “You went to London! While you left me here all alone with Lele. He’s not as entertaining you know. I got pretty sick of him two hours after you left.”

You laugh as Chenle catches Jisung in a headlock, yelling at him saying that he is too, in fact, “a fun person” and that Jisung should be “grateful for spending time with the one and only Zhong Chenle.” The three of you continued walking down the school halls, making your way into the cafeteria to get your new school schedules. On your way there, the three of you bumped into your fellow classmates. Your classmates in you and Chenle’s grade seemed to have changed. The boys who would always fool around in lunch, catching each other in headlocks and yelling at one another seemed to have matured over the summer. The girls seemed to have got even prettier than before, a majority of them wearing makeup and dressing up for school. Puberty seemed to have hit your classmates. You greeted each of them of course as you passed by, giving them bright smiles and a cheerful “hello” and “how was your summer.” Jisung was quite popular among the underclassmen and so a lot of students came up to greet him as the three of you entered the cafeteria. Jisung was known as one of the best dancers at school, the first freshman to have been able to join SM’s dance crew for upperclassmen when he was a freshman. You, Jisung, and Chenle separated to different tables, as Jisung’s schedule was to be found at the sophomore table and Chenle’s at the table for the student body. Lining up to get your schedule, a familiar voice sounded behind you as a warm presence of someone came to line up next to you.

“Why hello Y/N, what a pleasure to see you today.”

You turned around and you were face to face with none other than Haechan. Like your class, Haechan seemed to have changed over the summer. He was no longer as short as he was before, looking like he grew 2-3 inches. He wasn’t as skinny as he was in his junior year and seemed to have grown into a healthier weight. His hair wasn’t the same faded orange color and was now instead a the dark color of black. It was still messy as you remembered, his small natural curls coming out and making his hair look fluffy. Whereas last year he had the tendency to wear sweats and hoodies and looking like a bum who didn’t care about school at all, he wore now instead, a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his forearm. His skin seemed to glow even more, giving off a more honey kissed look and his smile was brighter than before. He didn’t look like the Haechan  you remembered. The one who would never do his work and would always joke around in class. He looked like a more sophisticated version of Haechan. He looked… grown up.

“How was your summer?” Hyuck asked, as Jaemin, Renjun, and Jeno came up behind him. You started at him, waiting for a rude insult to hit your way but none came. You expected him to tease you in someway, whether it was because you weren’t wearing something as nice as everyone else or the way you looked extremely tired from staying up until 5 am. Nothing came and Haechan was instead just staring back at you, waiting patiently for an answer.

“It was… fine. I got to go to London over the summer and visit my sister and see all the interesting places.” you answered, still confused about the lack of insult you received.

“Is that why you seem tired? Still not getting used the to time zone, huh? Maybe you should try drinking a cup of warm milk before going to bed, it always helps me sleep better,” Hyuck replies with a smile.

You nodded at him. “I shall try it tonight. How about you? How was your summer?”

Haechan seemed to glow after you asking how his summer went. “It was actually quite fun! I was stuck here the entire time though, I didn’t get to go anywhere fancy like London but I got to spend a ton of time with my friends and I even got to make new friends so I’d say it was a great summer. ”

You were confused as to why he wasn’t making any remarks to you. This was the longest conversation the both of you had without him teasing you or you yelling at him for being a jerk.  His smart mouth always had something to say. Never once has he ever been nice to you. Not until now.

“Well,” Haechan said as he got his schedule and was walking towards Renjun and Jeno. “I’m sorry to cut this reunion short but I have to go to the office as Principal Lee emailed me and told me about meeting him on the first day of school.”

“Got into trouble already?” you said as a small joke. “Doing a first year prank on the first day of school like what most students do?”

Haechan rolled his eyes with a “Psh, please. I’m not like one of those amateur prankers Y/N. you know me better than that. I have something better than just a silly prank on the first day of school. I have one that no one will guess what hit them. It’s so good that you won’t even know i was the one who planned it.”

“Well, I do.”

Haehcan looked like his cat just died. “Oh shit. Listen Y/N L/N, you better not tell anyone about my prank.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Because I promise you, this will start your junior year right.”

You looked at him and was considering keeping his secret. In the end, you nodded your head and said, “Okay. I won’t mention anything about your prank. It better be good.”

Haechan looked a bit shocked, as if that wasn’t the answer he was expecting from you. He recovered from his shock quickly and replied with a smile as he was walking away.

“Thank you Y/N. I owe you. I hope we have some classes together this year! Have a great day!”

And off he went. Running down the halls as was also greeting others that he hasn’t seen since last school year. He just complimented you. Told you to have a great day. Never has he ever said that either.

“Maybe he’s changed. Everyone in our class has changed as well and people eventually learn to mature,” Chenle answers when you bring up your encounter with Haechan to Jisung and Chenle.

“Yea but c’mon Chenle. It’s Haechan we’re talking about. He’s been a jerk since we he was 11. He never seemed to be able to change for the better. It just looked like that as he grew up, his head did too and he just became a bigger jerk.”

As Haechan grows up, his ego grew too. His thought of everyone liking him seemed to grow just as did his cockiness. He also had a record of breaking people’s hearts. Not many, of course, but Haechan grew up to become what most people would classify as a player. Many times have you encountered students from your last year of middle school to brag about dating the high school freshman Haechan when only two to three months later, they would end up crying in the hallways and complain about how Haechan broke their heart. It was a ridiculous how you thought Haechan can just go off with someone else after breaking their heart, but you couldn’t really say anything about breaking people’s hearts either. There were times when someone would ask you out on a date or go to the dance with. You would often smile sheepishly and reject them kindly back. You never did want to reject anyone, but you just never had feelings for them. You thought it was worse to say yes and string them along compared to rejecting them straight on.

“C’mon Y/N. Give Hyuck a break. People can change. You were always the one telling us that. How come it’s different with Donghyuck?” It was Jisung’s turn to take Haechan’s side. The three of you were walking to your lockers when you stopped and turned around, facing both Chenle and Jisung, after Jisung’s comment.

“Hyuck? Since when did you start calling him Hyuck?”

Chenle and Jisung both looked like they were just caught by the police for stealing something. It was silent for a few moments before Chenle spoke.

“We didn’t want to tell you Y/N because we know how much you hate Haechan, but we’ve been hanging out with him and the Dreamies over the summer.”

“D-did you just call them…. the dreamies? Ohmy gosh. This is ridiculous.”

You turned around and started walking away from the both of them, continuing your path to your locker.

“Look I know you’re mad-” “Jisung, I’m not mad. Okay maybe a little I am for you not telling me and becoming friends with the one person who I don’t exactly look eye to eye with, but you guys said you had a fun summer. If Haechan and his friends were the reason you guys had fun then I’m glad.”

“Wait, really,” asked Chenle once the three of you arrived at your lockers and you were putting your backpack inside, bringing only your small binder to your first two classes. 

“Yes, I have no say on who you guys can be friends with. And I guess what the both of you said was right. That Haehcan has changed to be better. Just,” you said as you gave the both of the them a hug. “Don’t forget about me. Your new friends better not replace me.”

“Ahh Y/N, they already have.”

You smacked Jisung on the head with your binder when the speakers rang out.

“Y/N L/N, please go to the principal’s office. You are needed by Principal Lee.”

Chenle and Jisung looked as confused as you were. 

“Oh, what did you do Y/N?”

“Nothing Chenle. Probably just wants to talk about some school stuff. I’ll see you guys later.”

-

“Come in.”

You slowly opened the door to the principal’s office, your head peeking in before your entire body walked in. 

“You wanted to see me Principal Lee?”

“Ah yes Y/N. Please, come in and take a seat.”

As you were walking in, you were surprised to see that only one of the two seats were empty; the other one was occupied by the one and only Haechan. Haechan was smiling at you as you entered and you only gave him a small smile in return, one that showed that you didn’t completely hate him. 

“So I’ve called the both of you here regarding the positions of student body presidents.”

You were shocked. And it didn’t seem like you were the only one because Haechan’s jaw looked as it has dropped too.

“I-i’m sorry? Student body presidents?” Haechan asked.

“Yes Donghyuck. Student body presidents. Over the years the both of you have been attending school, I’ve come to the conclusion that the both of you would be excellent student body presidents.”

It seemed unreal. More on Haechan’s point. You were a good student; straight A student who was often part of a lot of clubs and was always doing community service. You often contributed in helping out with school dances and all the big important events. But to choose Haechan as president? That seemed like a wrong choice. All Haechan has done at school was give teachers headaches, pull pranks, and holding the record of most detentions given to one student. Haechan didn’t seem like the type of student that the principal would choose. Even Haechan knew that.

“B-but sir. This has to be a mistake. I mean, I get that you chose Y/N for this position because Y/N fits the role for being president, but I don’t. I’m a mess. I’ve been pulling pranks all my years here at school. I’ve done things that I don’t even want to admit I’ve done. I’m pretty sure a majority of the teachers here at school hate me and have some kind of death wish on me. I’ve had more detentions that the amount of students in this school. You can’t be choosing me to be the student president, are you?”

“I chose you Mr. Lee,” answered Principal Lee as he got up and walked in front of his desk only to lean on it. “That you are the perfect fit for student body president. You may have a record of causing mischief in school but I, along with a few other teachers at school, have to admit that your wit and leadership is incredible. You’ve only focused on the bad things you’ve done at school. Let’s not forget that you pull some well coordinated pranks and also happen to do so with Mr. Lee, Mr. Huang, and Mr. Na. You are also the captain of the soccer team. Two  years in a row Mr. Lee. No junior has ever been chosen to be soccer captain and no freshman was ever chosen to be in the varsity soccer team Mr. Lee. Your grades are incredible for someone who seems to use most of his time scheming.”

Haechan looked as if he was thinking. He looked convinced by Principal Lee’s reasons, but not convinced enough for him to accept the position. As Haechan continued to talk and try to persuade to choose someone else for the position, you sat there thinking about what Principal Lee just said. It was true that Haechan had the leadership characteristics, being soccer captain did that for him. You knew he would become a good president, a great one. And you’d be working with him. It didn’t seem like such a bad idea to work with Haechan and it was an opportunity for you to get to know him better; see if he truly has changed.

 “Uhm, I accept the position Principal Lee,” you said as you got up, joining the two as they were also standing up.

“Excellent Y/N! I will email you often about meetings and I trust that you have everything student and school based covered. Now,” Principal Lee said as he turned to look at Haechan. “What about you Mr. Lee?”

Just as Haechan opened his mouth to answer him, you interrupted him. “Haechan, I think you should take the position.”

Haechan looked at you, something in his eyes that you couldn’t read. “Wait, really?”

“Of course. Principal Lee made some very good points. You are leadership worthy. You’re always one of the top students and I know for a fact that the teachers don’t hate you. You have the determination. You’re good at strategy planning and you can manage your time pretty well if you can do well in school, coach a soccer team, and have time to pull off pranks in school. You’re also very optimistic. And as much as I hate to say it, it would be nice to work with you. If you think you’re going to fail as a student body president, you’ll have me. I’ll be your vice.”

Haechan stared at your face. It was an intense stare, one that seemed as if he was trying to read you. Trying to figure out your motives and what you were trying to do. And then he smiled. It was a cute smile you admitted. One that reached his eyes and showed off his white teeth. He was cute. 

“Okay Principal Lee. I’ll do it.”

Principal Lee looked pleased with his answer has he walked back to his desk and started writing student passes for the yourself and Haechan. He gave the both of you each a pink slip and before leaving the office, he said, “Don’t let me down the two of you. I expect the both of you to be a great pair of partners. To a great school year!”

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct au #nct writing #nct scenario #nct drabble #nct story #nct 127 au #nct 127 writing #nct 127 scenario #nct 127 story #nct dream au #nct dream writing #nct dream scenario #haechan #haechan au #haechan writing #haechan scenario #lee donghyuck #lee donghyuck au #lee donghyuck writing #lee donghyuck scenario #nct haechan #enemies to lovers #slow burn love

[sataniccapitalist]

“I often say that we live in an age of trauma. There’s a simple way to think about that. The world is so messed up, we’re having to invent new forms of mental imbalance just to make sense of our own inability to cope with it. The world is so messed up it’s messing with our heads.

Take the example of “climate grief.” Last year, the APA wrote a report which began to recognize that natural disasters and climate change were having severe, lasting psychological effects. That might sound obvious to you — but it’s a brave step. We don’t think hard or often enough of how badly we’re affected by just existing in times like these. Climate grief, I’d wager, will come to be recognized as a defining psychological imbalance of the 21st century. But it’s hardly the only one.

Just scanning the headlines is one long exercise in trauma. Yes, trauma. You see, you’re quite wrong to say “but we have it better than anyone before in history!” Do we? People in the middle ages, the dark ages, the Roman empire, and so on, didn’t have access to the kind of information or knowledge we do — at the tap of a finger, anytime, anywhere. If the planet was about to melt down — they wouldn’t have had a clue. Nor did they have the power to make the planet melt down. It’s the fools’ logic of an economist to say we are the most fortunate people in history — materially, perhaps that’s true, in some meaningless way. We’re not robots, after all. But psychologically, emotionally, we are constantly confronted by relentless, addictive flood of information which confronts us with death, harm, and ruin. That’s the stuff of severe, lasting harm. It bruises and batters us deep down in the soul to constantly “read” about — know about, think about, suffer through — the death of the planet, democracy, society, the future. It takes a piece of us with it.

(And so we are all grieving today. I say that, and I think people recoil a little bit. But don’t you think it’s true? Every single person I know is in a kind of deep grief — even if they don’t quite know it themselves. Think about the signs. Trouble sleeping. Anxiety, depression, brooding.

An abiding sense of sorrow — letting go of what can never be. The process of mourning — letting go a past that can never be again.)

As a result of this age of profound, shattering grief, when we mourn for so many things that matter so much, all at once, is that we are suffering through what might be called a loss of libido. (Sorry — don’t roll your eyes, because I don’t mean it in the most superficial terms, though it shows up even there, which is that we’re having less and less sex.) I mean it in the sense of Eros, life-force, will to live, to flourish, to realize ourselves authentically, fully, and fiercely. (You see all those young people giving up on their dreams? All those old people who only seem to care about themselves? All those politicians having creepy affairs but not having the courage or purpose to give a damn about society? That’s all the loss of Eros.)

It is as if our will to live — to live fully, authentically, well — is vanishing — and is being replaced by a kind of destructive, ruinous impulse instead. At a social scale, maybe a global one, not an individual one. How, exactly? Look at skyrocketing suicide rates. Look at how neighbor is turning on neighbor. Look at how country after country is retreating into its little shell. Look at how we give up on the challenges before us — the big four — climate change, inequality, stagnation, and division. We shrug, or hand our heads in despair — but either way, it feels as if we are defeated. This is a loss of libido, of Eros, at a social scale. What is replacing it is Thanatos, the death instinct. The impulse to seek vengeance, to take revenge, to burn the house down, when you cannot climb to its top. Eros seeks transcendence — the loss of the self, it’s merging and connection into a larger whole (isn’t that what you’re after when you’re having sex, falling in love, or appreciating a beautiful sunset?). Thanatos seeks annihilation — the exaltation of the self, as the only being, even at the price of the destruction of the world.

The truth is that we are surrounded by Thanatos. Immersed in destruction, because we are permeated by self-preservation. It has come to define our lives in ways we don’t see, appreciate, understand, or know. Technology, social media, is a mighty force of Thanatos. Rather than offering us genuine self-transcendence — like we might feel watching a beautiful sunset — it offers us nothing but unbridled narcissism. The annihilation of the world, so we are the only ones left standing. Look at me! Like me! I am the one that matters most! Capitalism, too, which created this kind of technology, is Thanatos in pure form. It tells you are inherently worthless, so then you compete for status through consumption — you are basically competing to be the only one that matters, with more money, toys, prettier partners, and so on. Thanatos-as-capitalism says it doesn’t matter if it costs the whole world, democracy, the planet, the future, society, even your better self — as long as you feel like the only one who matters, because it told you never mattered to begin with.

But that is exactly how you get to a planet melting down, democracy dying, society in tatters, nations divided, and a world this troubled. Thanatos is the impulse to ruin, destroy, and pillage, so that one can stand atop the wreckage, it is the aggressive, egoistic, domineering force in us. So quite naturally, when we build institutions and norms and values upon it — where else can we end up?

The 21st century is going to be a difficult decade. But the most difficult thing about it, perhaps, will be the challenge of building a world on Eros, not Thanatos. It’s funny — today’s leftists are already trying. What is the obsessive focus on gender and sexuality if not Eros? But it is a small kind of Eros. Eros more properly understood is the instinct to merge, to be one, to lose one’s self. It’s what you feel dancing at a nightclub, or at the pub with your friends, or when you see a little child’s smile. It’s not just sex — though that’s what today’s left has, a little childishly, reduced it to.

A world built on Eros would prize the fulfillment of every being within it as it’s first priority. Every river, tree, insect, and person. Flowing, growing, humming — maturing. Do you see what I mean? A river’s potential is to flow, an insect’s to fly, a tree’s, to grow — and yours is to mature into grace, truth, decency, courage, defiance, wisdom, passion, insight, love. When you stand before the flowing river, you feel a sense of oneness, don’t you? So the more flowing rivers there are, the more self-transcendence there is for you, too. In this way, all things are linked through Eros — your possibility is to maximize the possibility of all things, just as their possibility is to maximize yours.

Thanatos, sadly, finds its truest expression in modern American life. Why don’t people give each other healthcare? Why would they prefer to make their neighbours beg for insulin online? Why don’t they stop each others’ kids getting massacred at school? America’s unbelievably, strangely, weirdly cruel culture and abusive society are expressions of Thanatos. Everyone is trying to climb over everyone else — so no one really goes anywhere but down. Society has become one giant arena for bruising, battering, bloody competition. It is lethal competition, too — lose that job, there goes your healthcare, bang! You’re dead. So through America’s example, we see the lesson of Thanatos versus Eros spelled out very, very clearly.

Thanatos seeks your self-preservation, even at the expense of the destruction of all things, all beings, everything. The whole universe could implode, and as long as you came out on top, Thanatos would say all was right and just and well. But Eros seeks the fulfillment of all things, through you, precisely so that self-transcendence can happen. If there are no rivers flowing or suns setting over them — what is there for you to transcend into? Do you see what I mean? It’s a subtle point, so think about it.

When people are threatened, Thanatos kicks in. The self-preservation impulse takes over. The fury and rage of destruction mount. Having build system after system of Thanatos — capitalism, technology, and so on — we have also built a world where people’s selfhood is constantly, perpetually, severely threatened, whether through a lack of money, resources, time, or care, and so, quite naturally, they are trying to preserve themselves, instead of gently transcend themselves.

What are we really grieving for these days, my friends? Is it just “climate grief” which tears through us? Not at all. We also grieve for, are anxious about, dread the loss of, democracy, society, the world, civilization, and the future. Yet grief is best understood as the loss of Eros, an opportunity to reach self-transcendence that is now gone forever — which one must let go. When you “grieve” for a parent or spouse or friend, that is what you are really missing — the merger, union, that you felt with them. And you can feel that loss of Eros everywhere in the world today. In the fury that’s sweeping the world, for belonging, for meaning, for purpose. In the rage that’s ripping across country after country, to be seen and counted as someone that matters. That is what I mean by the “loss of libido.”

Thanatos came to replace Eros, as capitalism and technology swept the globe — people, constantly threatened, adopted an aggressive, hostile, destructive stance, in the name of self-preservation. It doesn’t matter if we destroy the river, the tree, the insects — as long as I preserve myself. But then there is nothing left for us to transcend ourselves with, either. So in that way, capitalism and technology have also led us to give up the will to live fully, authentically, honestly, expansively — because doing so always recognizes our highest need is for self-transcendence, even though our first one is for self-preservation.

All of which leads me to a simple conclusion. The 21st century must be a time of Eros, if we are to heal this broken, troubled world. Not because I say so. But because we need to heal from the ruinous malaises of the ages of capitalism and technology. The anxiety and fear and isolation and meaninglessness they brought with them. We need to grieve, and grieve deeply, for all that we harmed, hurt, lost, abandoned, and ruined, in order to live again. And that is what is really being tested in this strange, difficult, century. Whether or not we want to live again. The alternative is, as it has always, been, death. The age of Thanatos is coming to an end. But will the age of Eros begin? That, my friends, is the question.

Umair December 2018″

[astrotranslations]

ASTRO for 10+Star (2018 February issue)

10: You shot for a pictorial with 10+Star for our December issue in 2016 but you’re now our cover model. Cha Eunwoo: I’m proud. Back then I said, "Next time let’s meet when we’re the cover models," and it came true. The new year energy feels good.

10: Advanced congratulations. 23rd February is the day where ASTRO turns two. Moonbin: Seems like yesterday we put out our first album but now we’ve already released up to five. It was possible because we had AROHAs (ASTRO’s fanclub name). Also, our staff who are always zealously helping us behind the scenes, had a huge part to play. I’m grateful to my members, the people around us and everyone.

10: You debuted as the youngest boy group in 2016 but next thing we know, you’ve all grown into adults with the exception of Sanha. Rocky: I was at 2017 MBC Gayo Daejejeon when it turned 1st February 2018. As soon as the day changed, I could feel the adult swag inside me emanating (everyone laughs). Cha Eunwoo: I turn 22 years old this year. I think that a guy gets cooler with age so I want to quickly grow older. I believe that 10 years later I would’ve become an ASTRO and a Cha Eunwoo who’s strong, who has a comfortable status and who other people can rely on. Yoon Sanha: Growing older makes me upset and sad. When we debuted, I was the youngest in the whole entertainment industry but now there are many younger than me. There were a lot of good points being the youngest… Anyhow, I want to remain as ASTRO’s baby forever (everyone laughs).

10: What are 'the star of the Year of the Golden Dog' MJ’s ambitions? MJ: I’m now 25 years old. Seeing as how the other members are young, I wasn’t too happy about growing older (laughs). I’m trying not to feel impatient. As the star of the year of the dog, I want to really improve on myself this year and produce results that grab attention.

10: Moonbin was in DBSK’s music video 12 years ago. DBSK, who completed their military service last year, are promoting again starting this year so how do you feel? Moonbin: Back then, I appeared in the music video for 'Balloons' as U-Know Yunho sunbae-nim’s younger self and last year, I got to sing the song at a music broadcast. After becoming a singer and singing once more the song that I was in the music video for, it felt odd. I harboured the dreams of becoming a singer because of DBSK’s sunbae-nims. They’re seniors who are really special to me. From what I heard last year, U-Know Yunho sunbae-nim apparently remembers me. I feel like my heart will beat fast if we meet at the broadcasting station. I want to tell him, "I watched you, earnestly learnt and harboured dreams of becoming a singer." (laughs) I hope that I’ll mature to become a cooler singer than I am now and be someone else’s dream. I think I’ll be really really proud.

10: What’s the most memorable event when you look back at the last 2 years? MJ: There are so many… If I had to pick one then it would be our first solo concert held in July last year. ASTRO’s lightstick with the name 'robong-ie' was first introduced that day (laughs). The concert started and the robong-ies our fans in the audience were holding onto, twinkled and that sight couldn’t have looked any prettier. Cha Eunwoo: I was the happiest preparing for our concert too but it was also hard on me. Firstly, I was able to cross off one of the things from my bucket list which I dreamt about since debut so I was happy. It was also fascinating how the number of songs we’ve released has reached over twenty. Having only watched other singers’ concerts but then becoming that very protagonist on stage, left me in a deep sea of emotions. What tired me then was that I had to prepare for the concert and our album while at the same time film for my drama so it wore down my stamina. Thanks to that I now don’t feel exhausted during most of my schedules (laughs).

10: Your performance and AROHAs’ card section at 2017 MBC Gayo Daejejeon became a hot topic. Cha Eunwoo: It was a stage that I’ll remember for a long time. On the day of recording, we had an athletics completion with the fans before shooting for the performance video. It was really fun. As for the card section, the fans had separately practiced for it for around 2 hours. We secretly watched them. There was a hole in the waiting area so we observed them and the fans were really really cute (laughs). I felt proud that these people were my fans. I replayed the card section video several times after the broadcast.

10: I heard that you’ll be momentarily busy due to schedules with your overseas fans. JinJin: ASTRO will be going on an international tour, 'ASTROAD', starting with Taipei. The bigger picture is the same as what we pulled off at our Seoul concert last year but we’ll try to add on a special stage to show. Also, the previous time was our first solo concert so we’re preparing with the mindset that we should compensate for the things we felt regretful about. Yoon Sanha: I want to let the whole world know of ASTRO though this world tour. We took part in overseas concerts several times but it’s a first for us to be holding a solo tour. It’s not just about getting our name out there, I want people to realise that ASTRO is a team that excels.

10: Are you going towards the direction that you hoped of when you first debuted? MJ: I think we’re running at a faster speed than I had expected. It hasn’t been long since we’ve promoted but we’re receiving so much love. Cha Eunwoo: It wasn’t as I imagined. But still, I think that I’ve grown enough that I’m able to tell myself, "Hey, you’re doing well" (laughs).

10: Which areas do you feel like you’ve improved upon in the 2 years? Moonbin: There are a lot of things I’ve gained since debuting. Being a trainee was a period for me to build my weaponry and brush up my skills while debuting is a period where I’ve been put into action and I’m making use of my skills. I learnt through that process what skills I should use in what situation. MJ: I’m the youngest at home but the eldest in the team. That’s why I played the hyung role wrong in the beginning. As time passed, I slowly tried to become a hyung who’s reliable and who looks after his younger members. Cha Eunwoo: Individual Cha Eunwoo improved his social skills and learnt patience. Team ASTRO gained a sense of self. We’re participating more in the production of our albums. So I’m looking forward even more to our next album.

10: It’s really a moment for you to cement your team’s color. You’ve kept to your 'refreshing-idol' concept up till now. JinJin: We practiced powerful dances pre-debut. I was perplexed that we were promoting with a bright concept. I talked about this a lot with the company. Based on what I’ve seen from monitoring, I also think refreshingness is a color that suits us well. But it’s not like all our songs are bright and refreshing. We also have a lot of ballad tracks which you can feel are slightly richer in emotions. I want to slowly let others now that we are a team capable of pulling of various genres. Moonbin: For 'Crazy Sexy Cool' from our last album, 'Dream Part. 02', we went with a 'refreshing sexy' concept. We held onto our refreshing image but mixed in a different color. It’ll continue to be like that. Our next concept could be 'refreshing power' (laughs). If I had to compare to a movie, it doesn’t mean that just because 'Spiderman' is coming out with a new series that the protagonist should change. The protagonist ASTRO and the refreshing image will stay as is but I want to add on new elements. Rocky: What’s clear is the fact that we have a lot more to show in the future. Really, what we’ve shown up till now isn’t all of it.

10: How well did you think you pulled off the 'refreshing sexy' concept in 'Crazy Sexy Cool'? If you had to express it as a score out of the perfect 100? Cha Eunwoo: 85 points. I worried a lot about whether the fans would feel the difference in our new concept but I heard a lot of compliments as we promoted. I’m satisfied with myself. Yoon Sanha: I want to give us 80 points. We’ve certainly grown as compared to when we first debuted. But there are definitely awkward aspects since we’re still young. So I took off 20 points. JinJin: 80 points for me too. To be honest, there are a lot of regretful bits but the fans liked it so I raised the score (laughs). We’ll make up for the remaining 20 points with our diverse sides which we’ll show in the future. Moonbin: An expected 80 points from me. I think it’s significant that I challenged new attempts whilst referencing concert videos from Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake whom I admire. MJ: Then 80 points for me too… No, 70 points! It was a concept we were trying for the first time so it was hard. It was our first challenge so I’ll give us 70 points first and I’ll try to show you a sexiness of 100 points in the future (laughs). Rocky: 30 points for me. I’ve just turned 20 years old so what could I possibly know? (everyone laughs) I tried my best to express myself but the way I see it, I just came across as pretending to be sexy. I think that once I grow older, I’ll be able to give off diversified vibes.

10: Cha Eunwoo heavily promoted individually as 'ASTRO’s face'. You must’ve felt a sense of burden and responsibility. Cha Eunwoo: It was burdensome when we first debuted. I was really worried that the members might be affected because of me. But its not like that now. It’s not as though carrying that feeling of burden means things go smoother for me (laughs). My mindset is that if I do my best at everything then it’ll reflect good on the team. The members are also doing well already. I want us to quickly grow and go up to a higher place together. JinJin: Eunwoo’s really mature. He’s in no way at all conceited. He tries to apply to our team what he’s seen and learnt during his individual promotions. For example, he’s currently the MC for MBC’s Show! Music Core and he’ll come to us after watching their stages and suggest, "This team is strong at this, how about we try doing it too?" Then I’ll listen to him and search more. As a leader, I’m thankful to Eunwoo. I think there exists what’s called an 'order'. Starting with Eunwoo, that order will come to all the members. Recently I’ve been looking forward to Bin-ie’s promotions. He’s someone who’s good at singing and acting so I hope that he’ll make use of his talent and try his hand at various promotions.

10: Is there a promotion that each of you want? Moonbin: I want to try acting if the opportunity arises and I want to appear on variety programs. An eating broadcast like Olive’s One Night Food Trip! I’m confident in explaining taste (laughs). I also want to go on SBS’s Law of the Jungle. It’ll be a memory I can never forget. If I go to the jungle, wouldn’t I be able to realise that the things I enjoy on the norm aren’t to be taken for granted? I think it’ll be an opportunity for me to look back upon myself. Rocky: Rap’s a given but I want to be good at singing, dance, composition, everything. I also want to act. I took acting lessons for my entrance exams to university and felt its charm. I want to accomplish each of them slowly. Becoming an all rounded entertainer is my goal (laughs). I want to try promoting as units with my members. For example, a unit between myself and MJ hyung. Everyone thinks that MJ hyung will sing while I’ll rap but we’ll be switching roles. MJ: That’s… I don’t think it’s a unit meant for broadcasts. Let’s just show it to our fans only (everyone laughs).

10: What would you like to say to AROHAs who are together with you for your 2nd anniversary since debut? Cha Eunwoo: I don’t know if it’s right for a singer to feel this towards his fans but ours are really reliable and I’m proud. Thank you. We’ll try to become singers who AROHAs can rely on and who you can be proud of. Don’t waver and let’s have fun promoting together. Yoon Sanha: The fans think it’s a shame I haven’t been doing as much aegyo lately. It’s not that I purposely don’t do it. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown older but it just doesn’t come out well (everyone laughs). Instead, I’ll be a Sanha who communicates with AROHAs more often in the future! MJ: We’ve reached where we are now because AROHAs like us, praise us and treasure us. We’ll make you happier in the future. Trust us and run with us. We’ll do better.

10: What would you like to say to ASTRO? Cha Eunwoo: Do more. We still have a long way ahead of us so don’t be complacent. Let’s focus on our goals we set in place at the start and run passionately. Rocky: Let’s do it. Whatever it may be, work hard at it and with that strength, win no. 1. Moonbin: 5 years have passed since our trainee days that we’ve been together and in that time, our relationship has grown to become one where we know and understand the other well so let’s maintain the teamwork we have now and work hard. JinJin: Let’s enjoy ourselves. The drive in all of us is so strong that are a lot of times where we feel stressed but whenever that happens, look around you and I hope that we’ll enjoy ourselves in good spirits as we look out for one another. MJ: Let’s be happy. Days where we smile will definitely come if we continue without giving up, as we’ve done up till now. Yoon Sanha: You’re doing well. We can do it. So let’s be a little stronger.

http://tenasia.hankyung.com/archives/1408677

Translations by @99pmh​ Take out with full credits

#MJ #Myugnjun #JinJIn #Jinwoo #Eunwoo #Dongmin #Moonbin #Rocky #Minhyuk #Sanha #ASTRO

[yysydyo]

Translations of Park Shin Hye Interview in Marie Claire 2018 March Issue.

What is your first impression of Seychelles?

I was impressed by the road that goes slowly. It’s as if it’s intentionally twisted for me to get some rest. I got nauseous on my way around the mountain as it’s like a U-turn but I was so happy to feel like I was running through the forest endlessly.

There are people who go well with the city and there are people who go well with nature, but I think Park Shin Hye seems to be more beautiful with the nature.

Nature can’t be deceived. We can make sophisticated things while natural ones can’t be invented and I need to know how to put down what I have one by one and take it off and throw it away. In a way, it takes courage to get along with nature, so when you say I look good with nature I think it’s one of the best praise I have received.

Which destination you prefer between a vacation spot like Seychelles and a city?

If I have to pick, it’s resort. Even if I go to a city, rather than spending my time walking around, I like to travel as leisurely and freely as the people who live in the area. I used to plan carefully and would go to art museums and parks but after that I didn’t have anything left to do. I think staying in one place longer would be a better trip for me. In that sense, resort is the best.

I was impressed with how close you are with your staff like they were your family. It’s to the point I feel a bit envious to watch it from the side.

I don’t think I could have continued this job without these people. People think I do this because I have many talents, but I think I’m the person who brings together the minds of the people that I work with and expresses it instead.

There is a couple from the staff on this trip. I remember you said you are envious all the time. I guess that’s all the more so since Seychelles became a couple’s vacation, the famous honeymoon destination.

My very dear hairstylist’s husband also came together. To be honest I don’t really have a chance to run into them and say hello, but seeing them together I think she looked prettier. When I saw a woman being loved in front of me, I felt very envious.

What kind of love does Park Shin-hye dream of?

I want to meet someone who can make each other’s lives special without doing anything special. Someone who is grateful even for small things. Unlike the way the job as an actor looks glamorous but I think it’s one of the jobs that is hard to understand even when I talk about it. A person who can please me with a small thing in my hard life and find small but valuable things in each other’s lives. I want to be that kind of person to the that person’s life too.

After the movie <Blackened Heart>  you have  spending your time freely. What are you most into?

Cat. Of course, dogs are lovely and cute too, but I think cats have different charms from dogs. When I’m feeling down, they will come to me and lean on me motionlessly. That’s very fascinating.

What did you do most while you were resting besides spending time with the cat?

I travelled a lot. Of course, more than half of the trips were vacations. I went on a trip with my family. Since my father is turning 60 this year, we went on a trip together to celebrate his 60th birthday and I also enjoyed surfing.

You must like active activities like surfing.

I think you need to keep distributing the energy to get more energy. The less I use my body, the heavier and more frustrating it becomes. It think everybody needs to move to stay healthy and active and get a lot of endorphins.

If we look at your Instagram, you seem to like listening to music.

When I come to resorts, I play hard in the water and sometimes I don’t come out of bed all day. I listen to music, read a book, do web surfing for a while, and sometimes I just daydream and spacing out.

What was the latest song your listening to recently?

Dean’s Instagram. I’m impressed with the reality of the lyrics. And Kim Dong-ryul “Reply”. I felt like I was being overwhelmed by one side of my heart by the love songs and messages about people that I didn’t understand when I was a child. I just love it.

You like to listen to a song and you are also a good actress who sang a lot of OSTs . Can I see Park Shin Hye singing the OST again someday?

It would be great if I could participate in a drama or a movie and can sing OST without trouble with my work. Because that means I have a lot of content to show to my fans during my fan meetings.

Recently, a media company even picked you to be a celebrity with wide personal connections. How do you maintain a lot of relationships?

Since I had my debut 15 years ago, I have seen more than one hundred people through works. As I keep working, I will have to face them. I always think that I shouldn’t make things that will hurt each other’s feelings, so I always ended up finishing the work with good memories. Actually, I’m not a person who likes to contact someone first, so the people that I see are limited. Whenever I meet them I will greet them and that’s it but as time passed by, many people seem to think that “Park Shin Hye knows many people well”.

Still you have guy friends that we are familiar of. Like Lee Hong Ki and Yong Jun Hyung.

I still can recall the memories of those time with the good people that I met at filming set even after a long time didn’t meet. I met Hong Ki in the drama <You’re Beautiful> in 2009. I still have the memories and feelings of those time.

If your partner becomes famous or inactive, there will be an inevitable gap, the subject of conversation will be decreased and you will eventually lose contact. Most relationships have that kind of effect and it’s often hard to maintain it.

I try not to have any prejudice about other people. If I like them, I will just like them. Whenever someone says, “Are you okay with that friend who has bad rumors these days?”, that person wasn’t like that to me and I have never seen that side of him/her when I am with him/her. If I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I won’t believe it.

What do you usually talk about with your best friends these days?

We are curious about each other’s next project when we meet after a long time. When I talk with my same age girl friends about what kind of work we will do, our preference will be revealed. We often exchange jokes like “I’m glad we don’t have things overlapped,” when we talk about trivial things such as our favorite season.

What season do you like?

I’m the type that a bit struggle in the summer. I can’t tolerate the heat well. Of course I can’t tolerate the cold too but I think winter is better than summer.

Job as an actress have to accept and solve many things at the same time. You always look bright even if you seem to be under a lot of stress.

SNS is the most difficult. It’s a way to keep our fans informed but we often have to show our privacy. I started traveling to avoid those eyes but there are still a lot of eyes watching me even when I’m traveling so it’s a bit difficult. But I try not to care about it. I don’t want to get used to the gaze of many people in SNS. There are a lot of people recognize me when I go surfing but I just endure it by doing what I enjoy. These days, I have a small gathering with my peers, unnis and oppas and when we talk each other, I feel a bit relaxed.

You are the style that talk to feel relaxed rather than keep everything bottled up inside.

Yes, I tend to relieve stress by being active.

You always have a positive and bright image. But everyone has a depressing or dark side. Don’t people always thinking of Park Shin Hye with the former image? Doesn’t it burden you?

When I have an interview or when I talk to someone, I’m the type that will honestly asking for their understanding to cut some part because I don’t only have a kind side since I’m also a human so I can’t protect the line I want to protect as best as I can. Holding back is the shortcut to ruin my mind and body. Even so, it is rare for their face to be flushed or make them feel bad.

Are there anyone who told a negative story because you are different from the image they had in mind?

Because of that I learned how to refuse while smiling. You can’t spit on smiling face. I will try my best to refuse while smiling to not make them feel bad.

That is exactly what you had built in your life for over a decade. You are 29 years old. How does it feel? It must feel different being 28, 29, 30.

I still feel like I am 25 years old. I think people around my age that are office workers or have different jobs are matured and seem to do well for their age… I thought I am an adult now but I realized I still have many childish sides. I often think that I should work diligently as an actress Park Shin Hye to grow more as a human Park Shin Hye.

Maybe you won’t even know it when you’re 39 or 49. Since it is your first time living in that age. But what do you really want to do before you reach 30?

I feel that the weight of responsibility changes as we aged. From 1 to 100,  if I used to be responsible only about 10, now I think I have to take more responsibility for my age. I have worries on “How can I solve it step by step without troubling myself? Can I take responsibility?” My back became bad after filming a drama and a movie but this year I want to fully recover and do my next project before I turn 30.

How much your next project have been outlined?

I am reading various scenarios. I have a good feeling that I will soon be able to meet a project that will gently come into my mind.  

If you were to choose your next project, from Park Shin Hye’s point of view, what type of theme or character would you like to meet?

There are a lot of strong materials in dramas and movies. I would like to meet a human drama or movie that could make me smile, “That’s right, this is how I want to live my life” which contains the life I want to live.

Translations may contain inaccuracies.

Translate by 이라 and 아이. 

#parkshinhye #marie claire #translations interview #shinhye

[twelvehumss]

Blackpink's Secret Fifth Member

“Ha, how you like that?” playing the new song of Blackpink from their previous comeback, my sister, the “Lisa Manoban” of Valenzuela City, acts as an idol dancing in front of the curtain in our dining room. Wearing my denim pants and my younger brother’s Air Jordan, she perfectly pulled that idol-like look. As I counted off and clicked the record button, I can see how confident and happy she is doing her passion, dancing. I love and admire her the most every time that I see her dancing. Aside from her long legs, tall height, and powerful dance moves that I don’t have, I admire her for doing what she loves and enjoying it.

Chelsea was born on October 13, 2009. My 11th-year-old sister has middle-length black hair with straight bangs to cover her wide forehead. She looks like an apple if she doesn’t have bangs whose absolutely uglier than me. She has thin eyebrows that I don’t like and a pair of not so big eyes. She used to have big eyes that I am jealous of, but I don’t know why her eyes became smaller and smaller as she grew up, and she doesn’t even have eyes when she laughs. Almost everyone who knows us would say that she is the mini version of me, and I would agree with that. Looking at her sometimes feels like I’m holding a mirror, although I would claim that I am prettier than she is.

I observed that whenever I feel anxious about my face and body, every time that I would take a selfie and say “Panget ko naman.” (“I’m so ugly.”) or use any derogatory term to express my unconfidence, she would always be the first person to tell me that I am pretty, I am good, and I am just pretty enough. It goes the same way whenever I am not feeling myself, and whenever I would overthink, she would always be the first person to hear my rants and cheer me up. Her simple words strengthened me to look forward and to have a positive mindset in life. On the days that we know one of us is sad, we would hug each other 12 times consecutively. According to research, people need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth. I never run out of people to hug because she was always there, and I am beyond grateful for that. I could be a clingy person every night in our “sister time," and she could also be matured enough to discuss deep thoughts with me. I am proud to say that we became each other's strongest backbone.

Chelsea’s ultimate dream is to become an idol, just like Blackpink. She wants to go to Korea and meet her favorite girl group. She loves to drink milk tea and play video games. She is not a fan of taking pictures and is not that photogenic. On some days, she would lock herself in our room to practice a new dance from her idols. While most of the time, she would secretly play mobile games and hide them from my dad. She would always eat on time and sleep with playing youtube videos. She has a “son” called “XiaoBai,” a stuffed toy that she needs for her to sleep. I love to play with her eyelashes when she is sleeping. I love to hear her calling me “achie.” I just love this simple and cute girl for being who she is.

My sister may be a hardworking and obedient grade school student in school, a supportive friend, a sweet daughter, a shy girl in front of strangers, and a “pabebe” girl overall. I know that she experienced different things at a young age that shaped her into someone who is matured. There are so many things awaiting her in the future, and I want to accompany her on her future journey.

If there is such a thing as “soulmate”, then Chelsea is my soulmate. Sometimes, my parents would say that she acts more like a sister to me. Whenever I’m sick, she would take good care of me; Whenever I’m on the wrong path, she would correct me. No one knows me better than her. She is soft, sweet, and strong. I want to protect her just as much as I care for my soul.

- Spicy Chicken 🌶️🐔

#CreativeNonFiction #CharacterSketch

[lost-n-stereo]

Anyone up for reading 2k words of original fiction?

As most of you that know me know, I’ve been working on some original fiction that I hope to self publish sometime in the next year.

Well...I have the first 2,000 words of my debut novel ready to be read and would love to hear some feedback! This is just a little sneak peek, the prologue of my book, but I’d like to hear some honest feedback from my followers. For example, after reading these 2,000+ words, do you even care what happens next? Are the characters interesting? Funny? Lovable? Totally unrealistic? These are the things I’d like to hear from you!

What to know:

This is a second chance romance, set in flashback and present day form. Roxy is a college sophomore with big dreams and a ten year plan. When Silas, her summer fling from two years before, shows up in her life unexpectedly again she is forced to deal with the way she ended their relationship. New Adult/Contemporary romance that will be aimed for a mature audience. The sneak peek however takes place in a flashback, so it only contains strong language.

Any feedback is welcomed! If you love it, tell me! If you hate it, tell me! I’ll respond to any messages privately and just would love to hear what you have to think!

Prologue

Roxy

The summer before I turned eighteen started like every summer that came before it.

School ended, days turned hotter. Jeans and hoodies were traded in for short shorts and bikini tops. Cheap flip flops in every color of the sun stayed in a mismatched pile on the floor of my closet, their thin plastic straps threatening to fall apart every time I slipped my feet into a pair.

The sunny beach town where I’d grown up went through a transformation at the end of every spring. The first day of summer vacation was like a flood, visitors from all over the country pouring in, filling the cracks with their spending money and sunburned faces. Our businesses flourished while the townies complained. Townies like my parents and the self-proclaimed hippies they played bingo with every Saturday night of the off season.

The first day of that summer was brutal, in that the weather was too hot and the streets were too full. My white tank top was sticking to my skin and I regretted, not for the first time that day that I didn’t think to throw anything on top of it. Walking around half naked and sweaty was not my idea of a good time but neither was dying of heat stroke.

I waved to Mrs. McDougall, our eighty year old and slightly deaf neighbor, as I passed by her house.

“Good morning, Sherry!” She called out to me and I answered in kind, even though it was nearing two in the afternoon and my name is definitely not Sherry. My mother always told me to be nice to the elderly because one day I too would be eighty years old and slightly deaf, waving to neighborhood kids and calling them by the wrong name, and would I want them to treat me poorly?

So I did what any nice person would do and I waved, said good morning as the afternoon sun beat down on my neck and continued my walk downtown.

Downtown Seaview, which isn’t really a downtown by any definition of the word, is a long stretch of beachfront shops, restaurants and hotels on the right with the wide expanse of the Atlantic on the left. Our tiny North Carolina town might be aptly named, albeit a little on the nose, but it’s a go to spot for the wealthy and privileged three months out of every year. The boardwalk dead ends at the main attraction, a 65ft Ferris wheel that conjures up memories of my childhood. My friends and I racing towards the entrance, our fingers sticky from cotton candy and our laughs loud enough to hear from the other side of the boardwalk. First dates with boys that didn’t know the first thing about kissing, but still tried when we reached the very top because it was romantic and cliché. Swirling lights, pinks and purples, blues and greens, lighting up my grin as I soared high over the little town that raised me.

I was born there, had lived there all of my life but I was determined not to die there. Unless a freak accident whisked me away from this Earth before my eighteenth birthday, I was getting out of that beach town if it was the last thing I did.

Not that I don’t love it because I do. I walked down the busy street, smelling the delicious smells of the boardwalk. Churros from Mr. Cruz’s beachside stand. The scent of fresh lemonade, always squeezed daily with just the right amount of sugar, wafted through the air when I passed Lucy’s Sweet Shop. Lucy Reynolds’ daughter Emma has been my best friend since birth. I saw her through the window of the little café and waved at her to come meet me out on the street.

“Where are you going dressed like that?” Emma’s eyebrows were up so far I thought they’d disappear into her hairline. “I thought you were starting at Mickey’s today?”

Mickey’s Ice Cream Shoppe, one of the oldest relics of our small town, had been my summer job for the past three years.

“I am,” I said, shielding my eyes despite the fact that I was wearing sunglasses. My five dollar aviators were no match for the sun that day. “You and I both know I’ll get stuck wearing the uniform de jour and frankly, it’s too fucking hot to wear anything else.” I looked down at my outfit, simple cutoff jean shorts, white tank and purple flip flops. “Why?”

Emma shrugged. “I’m just so used to you being all,” she waved a hand up and down in front of my body. “You know, buttoned up and not showing these off.” She poked me in the boob and I slapped her hand away.

“Well, it’s hot. Do you expect me to wear flannels? Leave me alone,” I said laughing. “Don’t you have some work to do?”

“Bitch, you called me out here,” she said with a chuckle as she headed back towards her family’s shop. “Stop by after work and I’ll hook you up with some fries.”

“Better make it a burger too,” I called as she skipped her way through the front door. “A burger, Emma!”

I laughed as I made my way back down to Mickey’s, not really paying attention to where I was walking because I had walked that same route practically every day of my life. And it was because I wasn’t paying attention that I walked smack dab into a wall.

Okay, not actually a wall but the chest I ran into was as hard as one.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Strong hands steadied me, warm palms grazing my arms, as the owner of the deep voice chuckled. “Alright there?”

“I’m fine,” I said as I pulled away. My skin tingled from his hands. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“No, it was me. I wasn’t paying attention at all. I’m sorry,” he apologized again.

When I finally looked up at him, and I mean I really had to look up because he was tall, I was stunned to see the most beautiful human being I’d ever seen smiling down at me. Dark hair, cut short on the sides but longer in the front, pushed out of his face in this sexy perfected way that made me want to bury my hands in it just to mess it all up. Honey brown eyes that were sparkling with amusement set under an arched eyebrow that screamed trouble.

Everything about this boy embodied money. From his designer board shorts all the way up to his two hundred dollar sunglasses. A soft grey t shirt stretched tight across his broad shoulders and I briefly thought about how his shirt alone probably cost more than my entire outfit. Wealth clung to him like the expensive cologne I could smell when he leaned close to me.

“I’m Silas,” he said, holding his hand out in the space between us. He laughed when I looked at it like a foreign object, reached for mine and made a show of us shaking hands. “And you are?”

I’d seen guys like Silas before, hell I’d dated guys like him before. Gorgeous tourists that think pretty local girls are there for their entertainment like the jet skis they can rent down at the beach. I wasn’t looking for romance, not from him. Not from anyone.

“Late for work,” I retorted as I backed away from him, a slow smile forming on my face. “Nice to meet you, Silas.”

“That’s it?” He called after me as I turned around. “After almost knocking me over, I don’t even get your name?”

I snorted when I faced him again, my feet carrying me backwards without needing to watch my steps. “You ran into me, remember?”

“At least tell me where you work!”

A group of freshman age kids walked past him then and Silas scowled when they laughed at him, one of them coughing out the word, “Desperate!”under their breath before scurrying off towards the beach.

“I guess you’ll have to find me,” I said as I raised my hand in a wave. “Later, Silas.”

I left him stunned into silence and smiled all the way to Mickey’s, the small ice cream shop already packed full with a mid morning rush. On days like that, when the temperature reached ungodly levels it didn’t matter if it was eight in the morning or eight at night, everyone wanted ice cream.

“Morning, Louie,” I said as I lifted up the counter to head towards the back of the shop where the lockers were.

Louie Monroe, owner and proprietor of Mickey’s, grinned at me as I walk past him. “Morning, Sailor. How’s my favorite employee doing this morning?”

“Hey!” I laughed as Ronnie Miller, another Mickey’s alum, punched Louie in the shoulder. “I’ve been working here just as long as she has.”

“Sorry, Ronnie. I’m just prettier than you,” I teased before giving Louie a delayed glare. “And what I have told you about using my real name? It’s bad enough my parents named me that in a damn beach town, I don’t need the tourists thinking of me as some novelty item they can fawn over.”

Louie laughed as he motioned towards two girls I didn’t know that were scooping ice cream into waffle cones. “Then you’re going to hate today’s uniform.”

I groaned when I finally took in what everyone was wearing that day. Navy blue shorts with wide buttoned fronts, white shirts with red ties and actual sailor hats.

Fucking sailor hats.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, turning to glare at Louie who was now bent over laughing so hard his face was as red as the raspberry ice cream we sold out of every day. “Why would you do that?”

“It’s in honor of you Sail…” I raised an eyebrow and he conceded. “Roxy, sorry. It was just a little joke to welcome you back. Uniform’ll change tomorrow, don’t worry.”

The only constant about working at Mickey’s was that there was no constant. Every day was like Halloween with a new theme and uniform to shake things up. Some days we wore crazy hats, some days we dressed like our favorite superheroes.

And apparently some days we dressed like fucking sailors.

“I’m only doing this because I need this job,” I said as I headed to the back where the lockers were. My locker every summer was number 21, which made no sense because there were only six lockers total. My sailor costume was hanging in the locker already, in my size, and I grumbled and complained the entire time I put it on.

My parents naming me Sailor wasn’t the only ridiculous thing they had done. They used to be investment bankers in New York but when my mother got pregnant with my older brother they decided to start their own business and work from home in the beach town my mother visited every summer as a child. When my brother was born my parents decided to name him Anchor, in honor of the ocean and their love of the water. Then came my older sister Coral and then finally me, Sailor Roxanne Reynolds.

It didn’t take me long to hate my name in a small town like Seaside. By the time I was nine I was going by Roxanne and by twelve I was just Roxy.

Which is why it annoyed me so much that Louie refused to call me by my preferred name. Being a townie in a beach town was bad enough. Add on top of that a novelty name and I was nothing more than a shiny seashell you could buy for twenty five cents at the corner gift shop.

But I wasn’t lying when I told Louie that I needed the job that summer. I was saving up to buy myself a car before college started and I refused to buy one until I earned every dollar myself. My parents had money, not a lot but enough to support our family in a tourist town year round, and while they would have happily purchased a car for me to take to Boston in the fall I wanted to earn it. West Bridge University was my dream since childhood. I had everything planned down to the letter. Double major in psychology and criminal justice. Date a few cute boys, go to some parties. Graduate and become the best forensic physiologist in North Carolina. Live a long and happy life.

Easy, right?

So that day I stood in the back room of my neighborhood ice cream shop, my annoyingly accurate sailor costume in hand and vowed to work my ass off that summer to make my dreams a reality.

Come hell or high water, I was getting out of that town and nothing and no one was going to stop me.

#cece writes #my fiction #new adult #contemporary romance #college romance #second change romance #summer romance #romance #new adult fiction

[taeguboi]

BTS x GOT7 Ship Pairings HCs

Request: ‘ bts with got7 members? like pairs in friendship and as a ship’

Part 2 of BTS x GOT7 request

PREVIOUS POST: BTS x GOT7 Friendship Pairings

Headcanons Masterlist

GOTBANG (BOY)FRIEND-SHIPS

Rap Monster + Jackson: RapSon 랩슨

The RapSon cannot be unseen

Though their relationship is love/hate

more love from Jackson’s side let’s be honest

Rap Mon is soft for Jackson

Too intelligent for y’all

Lots of sass with each other

well actually

it’s mostly Jackson jumping round being precious

followed by Rap Mon being

r00d

but they equally make fun of the shit each of them does on stage

“well Rap Monster is like this”

“but Jackson is like this”

uh Namjoon

your phone is ringing

you should, you know

probably answer that

“nahhh”

because he wants to seem chill and manly

Jackson may be older

but Rap Mon is the hyung, really

Mothers’ blessings needed

and of course, they instantly give their blessings

Jin + JB: JaeJin 재진

Not to be confused w/ JinJae

Confidence

Visual couple

Both like to take photos

But there’s no prettier picture than his boyfriend

JB is always writing in his notebook

Jin inspires him

makes songs just for Jin’s voice

not just ballads or whatever bullshit we get fed as to why Jin doesn’t get enough f*ckin’ lines most of the time

Fancy restaurant dates

midnight snacks

2 single parents unite

bc Jackson is enough for Joon to look after so bye

Youngjae gets special treatment tho

BROAD SHOULDERS

BIG MOUTHFULS OF FOOD

acting

will act sensitive to get what they want

like ‘I’m so offended’

just so they get the last of everything

cover is bust when they’re giggling in their room

because omg they fell for it yet again

sass

but never on the level of the Suga/Jinyoung pairing

seriously has no one giffed the jin/jb back hug thing that time at the isac? dammit

well, insert that here, in your mind before the next gif

Suga + Jinyoung: SugaJin 슈가진 / YoonYoung 윤영

SAVAGE to everyone

Act so cold in public

but behind closed doors, they’re so squishy

*knock on the door*

*quick, act manly*

*we totally weren’t spooning,*

*or feeding each other food,*

*no homo*

*you should leave”

*so Jinyoung can read Yoongi a bedtime story*

back up parents

Ninjas

you don’t always notice they’ve entered the room

til you turn round and

GODDAMMIT HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER?!

*shrugs*

chill

yet have no chill

J-Hope + Youngjae: YoungHope 영홉 / HopeJae 홉재

SUNSHINE SHIP

Pure

You can just walk up to them from behind

and they both scream

bless

Always clinging onto each other

Gentle souls

“boys, what are you doing?”

“V-hyung thought he saw a ghost so we’re hugging to increase our energy field against it”

or something along the lines of idk about conspiracy and superstition tbh

Youngjae playing piano for J-Hope to dance to

J-Hope giving Youngjae the energy to wake up in the mornings

Taking Coco on long walks together

Sorry Mark, you’re gonna have to share her with one more person

Coco adores Hobi

That’s sign enough for Youngjae that he’s the one

and he drags J-Hope into the whole

I AM OUT thing

Jimin + BamBam: BamMin 뱀민

No one really expected this

There was just something about BamBam

That flustered Jimin

and Jimin’s mood eventually was just like that moment when he was like

“JEON JEONGGUK!!!” on the rooftop

only with BamBam’s name obviously

Like last year, when Jimin saw BamBam, he was a cute bubby

But then he just entered the room one day and it was like

h O L y  s H i t  h E  g R e W  UP

Although they’re in the maknae lines of their respective groups

They treat each other as one another wants to be treated

so they treat each other like the men they are

Offensive dancing couple

too many thrusts and rolls for any sane person to handle

That couple that make everyone late

“just five more minutes!”

“you said that 2 hours ago!”

selcas galore

that one in particular of their matching ear piercings becomes iconic

P L U M P  L I P S

matching clothes

dye their hair specifically to become the most aesthetically pleasing couple ever

V + Mark: VMark 뷔맠 / TaeMark 태맠

Adorable

Mark sometimes helps V with his English

but gets distracted by the proudness

and then he just has to stop for cuddles

V loves cuddling his older boyfriend

V is always the big spoon

because he always has to hug something in his sleep

sometimes he’ll even act sleepy just so he can keep hugging Mark

Skateboarding dates

lots of dates actually

just nipping down to the shop together

turns into sitting on a park bench together enjoying life

everything becomes a date

Mark, you have to stop jumping off of things in front of this kid tho

because he wants to try that shit for himself like

NO TAE!!!

but Mark does have a calming effect on V

Mark makes sure to look after V well

easily distracted

“Uh, guys, didn’t you have something cooking on the stove?”

*smoke alarm sets off*

oops

Actual puppies

Jungkook + Yugyeom: JungGyeom 정겸 / YuGuk 유국

This maknae ship can’t be unseen either

Jungkook didn’t think he’d want to date someone taller or younger

Until Yugyeom

Yugyeom can be quite mature for his age

Smiles all round

Growing up too fast

everyone one day is just sat there minding their own business having their separate conversations

and then Yugyeom just blurts this innuendo out to Jungkook

and the whole dinner table is SHOOK

Jin has to hold back that one tear he’s about to shed

but then Jinyoung says something savage to Yugyeom

everyone laughs and carries on and ‘forgets’

but they don’t forget

that will always be the day that innocence went extinct

bowling dates

Yugyeom likes long hugs in public

Jungkook gets flustered and embarrassed

getting teased by the other 97 liners they’re in a chat with

bless these children

I did my best on this hc, hope this was almost as much fun to read as it was to think about all the got-bang interactions haha... 

It got a bit tricky along the way because I only wanted to do each got7 member once for friendship and once for a ship so it was all equal... if not it would have been Youngjae dating like 4 people and JB at least 2 and it’d be one weird love triangle only with a shape with more sides [when did I stop being smart]

#bts #got7 #gotbang #ugh tags #kpop #kpop interactions #kpop ships #bts ships #got7 ships #gotbang ships #rap monster #namjoon #jin #seokjin #suga #yoongi #jhope #hoseok #jimin #v #bts v #taehyung #jungkook #mark #mark tuan #jinyoung #park jinyoung #got7 jinyoung #jackson #jackson wang

[steamishot]

Weekend recap

friday - dropped my parents off in monterey park to go on their chinese tour trip with their friends. had to wake up at 5:10am and pick their couple friends up along the way because my dad offered. it was interesting hearing their conversations. my “auntie” was talking about how their friends bought big homes (3-4 rooms) but it’s extra work now that their kids have moved out. more work has to be done for cleaning and maintenance and it might have been a better idea just to get a small, one bedroom place. they talked about how now that they’ve reached 60, to focus on a decade at a time, and try to enjoy themselves from 60-70. once they reach 70, they can reevaluate again. 

on saturday, b and i attended the cambodia town film festival. my saturday was quite packed so i almost started to dread driving far out to long beach and questioned if i still even wanted to go. i also slept awkwardly the night before, so i had an uncomfortable stiffness in my neck all day. every time this neck stiffness happens, it affects my whole body and energy level. i was anxious because i left my house later than anticipated (bc facetiming with matt), and i get anxious when i’m late to events lol. finding parking was also hard too, which made me even more anxious. on top of that, i was afraid of running into my ex, any of his friends/family or anyone that i may know. 

anyway, we made it on time and caught a short film about a czech lady who longed to host a cambodian family after hearing about the khmer rouge. she empathized with them because her country went through something similar. the film was quite slow and it took some time for me to relax and get into it. i was also distracted by my hunger and thirst. luckily, during the break before the main movie premiered, we got to stop by the falafel shop next door and pick up some pretty good food/snacks! by the time we were back, i was more comfortable, relaxed and ready to enjoy the movie. i was immediately engaged in the movie, and it was very easy to follow and watch. the soundtrack was beautiful and parts of the movie were so heavy and emotional i wanted to cry. 92 minutes went by in an instant. we were grateful to be able to stay afterwards for a Q&A session with the directors, producers, and of course, ellen wong! i was really excited to see her in person, and she’s prettier in real life imo. the directors of CTFT were also there. one was praCh ly, a rapper who apparently was rumored to have a relationship with angelina jolie (i found out after looking him up). when the questions were open to audience, there was a middle age cambodian man who said, “this movie really touched my heart. thank you for making it. i want to know, where in cambodia did you film it?” it was like being in adult/post-college UKS and i had a sense of belonging to this community. there was also a panel afterwards, descendants of genocide survivors. 

b and i got a pic with ellen wong. initially, i was scared to go up to her because i wasn’t sure what i’d say. thankfully b is more courageous than i am and we got it. :) the first thing we said to her was, “we’re chinese cambodian too” and ellen goes, “ME TOO!��. it was my first time meeting/talking to a celebrity, and i’m glad it was her. i’ve seen her as knives chau in scott pilgrim, and thought she looked familiar/like she’s one of my people. never questioned it until recently. just learned a few months ago that she’s also teochew, chinese parents from cambodia, and started fangirling her since. lucky to have it play out like this. i drove home starstruck.

since my parents are out of town, i ate dinner at a thai restaurant with my uncle and grandma, then headed back home to prep/pack for paint nite at L’s place. b came over and we picked s up before heading over to meet L and LC. paint nite was therapeutic. great snacks and wine. L asked a lot of questions to kinda get to know everyone on a deeper level. we painted from like 7:45pm to 10pm and got kicked out of the common room when it closed at 10. at that point, most people were like 70-98% done. i was like 98% done lol. i admire L for being mature and having her shit together, and as i was leaning towards building that life for myself, i started becoming more annoyed at b, who is more wild spirited and all over the place. however, i appreciated b more last night. she’s definitely one of a kind and its nice to have her at parties because she does make things more fun. she even got us/L to go out to a bar (at which we only stayed like 30 min lol). i ended up getting home around 1am, which is late for me. it was refreshing to go out and see people at bars/nightlife, even though it drained me being in the environment. it’s nice once in a while to absorb others’ youthful energies and not be such a grandma all the time.  

sunday- even though i only had 6-7 hours of sleep, i woke up feeling good. my stiff neck went away and i got up to get ready for my UX dim sum event. i attended this event with my indian mama. the event was interesting and basically what we practiced in class. our workshop was a mix of those who have been to dim sum many times before/grew up with it and those who are first or second timers. we shared our observations, interviewed each other, and shared more/new observations. we tackled the problems in the design that we discovered, such as- how do we even know what each dish is? what’s in each dish? and we explored the cart system and difficulties of ordering. it was really cool to view dim sum in a new light. i don’t see any of the proposals we came up with being used in 626, where it’s predominately asian, but it might be useful in like chinatown, cerritos, south bay, etc where there the customers are less homogenous (i think). it made me realize how inclusive dim sum is. you go in, and there’s no instruction on how the system works. no friendly staff to be like, “is this your first time here? blahblahblah”. you just have to figure it out on your own, or rely on people who have been there before to teach you. 

in our table of 14 today, i sat in between my indian mama and a mexican/german UX researcher girl. it was my indian mama’s first time and the UX researcher’s second time at dim sum. part of what makes the experience fun and interesting is getting to see others experience dim sum for the first time. as a dim sum “veteran”, i also take on the role of the caretaker, explaining what each dish is to the best of my knowledge, and helping them out with chopsticks/grabbing food. 

design thinking is not easy. i still tend to be timid and not speak up in group environments, and i feel self conscious that i’m not contributing enough. i’d definitely feel more comfortable once i’ve seen and worked with the same people before, but i’m still shy at the beginning. from what i’ve seen today, your presentation skills/ability to articulate an idea well really matter a lot. the others in the workshop were able to make everyone laugh as they were explaining their ideas, whereas i was more serious and mousy - and therefore not very fun. oh well, i’m glad i did something out of my comfort zone today. :) made me happy to also be with my indian mama when she tried dimsum and half and half for the first time.