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scentedwizardbookcollection · 1 year

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Rewrite Fantastic Beasts

Darlings.

We get it. The writer sucks. Her world is problematic. But there are hints of a good story here and there.

I was rewatching the first movie (arrr, there do be pirates here) and couldn't help but think 'I can do this better'. I had many adorable ideas for Queenie and her relationship with Jacob, but also Tina and Queenie, and Tina and Newt--

Even the confrontation between Dumbledore and Grindelwalt already popped up in my head. (And yes, it will be gayer than it is now, which is not hard at all.)

I have a little preview written here (about 600 words) for those interested. I am going to try and make the world less problematic (more diversity, both in race and sexual and gender identities, no slavery, and any racism will be in line with the racism of the time). I will be making Newt trans because I want to and because fuck you to the writer. Be aware of this. Though there is no word of this in the first preview, it will come up later.

Basically. If this goes well, I'll continue writing. If not? We'll forget this ever happened, okay? Okay.

Travelling by boat was always an ordeal, Newt Scamander thought to himself. It would be so much easier to just use a portkey, but those were regulated and the entire point of getting to New York was to do it undetected. Well. As undetected as possible anyway. His hand hovered over towards his suitcase, mostly to check whether it was still closed since it had been causing some trouble recently. No creatures had gotten out, luckily, but he had a feeling that at some point some would escape. He’d just have to prevent that.

Once he was sure everything was still locked, he turned his attention back to his newspaper. The date read January 15th, 1926. Newt grimaced somewhat as he read through the articles, all of which were about Grindelwald.

‘GRINDELWALD STRIKES AGAIN IN EUROPE’

‘HOGWARTS SCHOOL INCREASES SECURITY’ (Pfft, as if they needed that with Dumbledore on the premises.)

‘WHERE IS GRINDELWALD?!’

Everything in the news was related to him nowadays. He folded the newspaper again, put it in one of his many pockets – there was a mild complaint from the bowtruckle who had currently taken up residence there (he really needed to return him to the rest of the colony sometime soon, but he needed to make sure that it was healthy first).

“Sorry,” he whispered. He checked once again on his suitcase, took it in his lap and closed the latch that had once again jumped open. “Dougal,” he whispered. “You settle down now, please. It won’t be long.”

He waited for a moment as the creature settled down somewhat – as requested – then looked up at the world around them. He spotted the Statue of Liberty and a smile spread across his face. He was almost there. Fifty days of sea travel were finally coming to an end. (At least he’d stopped feeling nauseous after a few days.)

He remained on his bench until the ship had safely docked and the captain had announced that it was time for debarkation. He didn’t need to go back to his cabin to collect everything, everything he owned could be found in his suitcase. Therefore, he was one of the first off of the boat and off towards customs. It was a long line – multiple boats must have arrived at the same time – but Newt had all the time in the world.

His time in America had not yet come to an end – and he definitely still hadn’t reached his destination.

“Next!”

Ah, turned out that it was his turn already. He handed over his passport – it looked like it could fall apart at any second now, and Newt was aware of this – and smiled nervously at the muggle in front of him. He always disliked fooling them, lying to them, but he understood why he had to.

“British, huh?” The customs official said eventually.

“Yes.”

“First trip to New York?”

“Yes,” answered Newt.

Then the official gestured towards his case. “Anything edible in there?”

Newt swallowed tightly and nervously. “No.” Subconsciously, a hand covered his breast pocket.

“Livestock?”

And of course that was when the latch flicked open again. “Must get that fixed,” Newt said quietly as he closed that again. (Just stay quiet a little longer, he thought to the animals in there.) “Ah, no.”

Apparently his denial wasn’t convincing enough – lying had never been his strong suit – and the official immediately wanted to take a look. Newt placed the case on the desk and quickly flicked a switch that set ‘muggleworthy’. There was always a chance that magic could fail, but not today. As the case was opened, it revealed nothing but his pyjamas, maps, a journal, an alarm clock, a magnifying glass and his Hufflepuff scarf (he was never far from Hogwarts in his heart). The official seemed satisfied, because he closed it and grunted: “Welcome to New York.”

As Newt gathered his case and his passport, he muttered a ‘thank you’ and moved on, finally setting foot in New York City.

#Fantastic Beasts and where to find them #fbwtft #newt scamander #tina goldstein #queenie goldstein #jacob kowalski #fanfic #I have not forgotten the Moulin Rouge idea #I know some people are interested and I really want to do it but I stared at the start for five hours and didn't find any further ideas

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 2 years

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2022 MOVIE OF THE WEEK #14

fantastic beasts: the secrets of dumbledore. i didn’t have long term plans to watch this movie either--i really wanted to go to the movies, and my family was nice enough to welcome me along.

right away though, switching out mads mikkelsen improved the franchise for me by like a million percent. it almost instantly made it gayer too, which is always better.

theeeeen there was the part also near the beginning, when the movie takes a sharp turn into horror, and a series about magical creatures decides we need to watch some die. horribly. including babies. i was having popcorn, and i went from snacking to openly sobbing and just didn’t stop, long after the actual scenes were over.

because i couldn’t stop wondering why they felt that was necessary to put in a movie, why they genuinely wanted that in the film when they could have shown the villain’s evil in literally any other way, why that was a choice people made. even if that plot, which ties all the way to the end, felt absolutely essential to them, they didn’t have to revel in the brutality or show the murders at all.

ANYWAY. i found that traumatic, clearly. but the rest of the movie was good, especially compared to its immediate predecessor. there was still more war than lighthearted magic, but it was less grim and the main characters survived.

jude law seemed to be flirting with everyone, queenie returned to the good side (with honestly way less consequences than made sense to me, but okay), and it included a pretty classic caper using mind-reading as an excuse for one big human shell game. that’s always fun.

the series went in such a dark direction that i’m not sure i’m all that likely to watch any of the fantastic beasts films again...my love of the first one was based in a style and whimsy that didn’t carry forward, and sometimes knowing where a thing goes makes even the original thing less fun for me. but i definitely consider this one an improvement over the second in many ways, and i had fun being included in the viewing experience.

#fantastic beasts: the secrets of dumbledore #mads mikkelsen #2022 motw #jude law

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daddyembo · 3 years

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A short analysis of the Harry Potter Fandom

One of my favorite things about the Harry Potter fandom is how we react to JK Rowling's biases, be them manifested in subtle in-text exclusion or overt statements on social media.

Rowling created a rich literary universe that preaches inclusion and equality while simultaneously implying the opposite. In her writing, we see moments where she strays from the positive message she attempts to maintain - moments where her unconscious biases peek through, whether she intended to let them in or not. We are all familiar with one example of this: Rowling imagined Dumbledore as a gay man, but she never confirmed this in text - in fact, she might never have imagined this in the first place, but waited to edit her own character until years after the books were published. So, what does this say about Rowling's bigotry? Some might say that bigotry did not play a role in her textual exclusion of Dumbledore's orientation, which is, context aside, an insignificant detail. However, without arguing over semantics, her decision was biased. Dumbledore cannot serve as representation when there is no evidence of what he is supposed to represent. In this way, Rowling implies her belief that LGBTQ+ people are acceptable - as long as the cishet majority is not made to think about them. A similarly biased reader can read the entire Harry Potter series without once being forced to confront how they feel about a major character being gay.

To quickly add a few other examples: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have a close relationship that can easily be interpreted as romantic; the text does not state so, but it doesn't deny such a relationship exists, either. Rowling did that herself, after the fact. Rita Skeeter, a "manipulative" character we are supposed to despise, is described explicitly as bearing masculine and ungraceful features, implying the gross caricature of a trans woman so often seen in popular media. I recommend Contrapoints's youtube video on JK Rowling for a wonderful, in-depth analysis of Rowling's transphobia and related bigotry - it's thorough and empathetic, so you don't have to worry about your favorite author being unfairly eviscerated. It's all pretty fair.

Anyway, you get the picture. JK Rowling gets so unbearably close to including positive representation of LGBTQ+ communities and other minority groups in her writing, but at the last minute, her biases slip through the cracks and withhold the necessary pieces. However, wherever representation is close to the surface, this fandom is ready and willing to snatch it up.

Since Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was published, fans of the books - mostly LGBTQ+ readers - picked up on the disappointingly subtextual relationship between Remus and Sirius that we are all familiar with. If it had been overtly stated in the book, fans would've written plenty of fanfiction anyway, but it wasn't - and thus, the Marauders fandom was born of spite for what could've been. Readers reimagined a second, equally vivid universe that took place before the events of the Harry Potter series, and what makes this universe so special is that it was created as a direct response. It was a rebellion - an outcry against Rowling's frustrating biases, and a declaration that even a universally loved series like Harry Potter could be improved greatly.

After the events of the last two years - you know, JK Rowling's infuriating essay and everything that went along with that? Yeah. The fandom has used that same rebellious energy to slam Rowling's worldbuilding right back into her face. Marauders content is gayer than ever. Drarry is somehow - despite never really going away - making a resurgence. For every character, LGBTQ+ headcanons have doubled or tripled - and I think what I'm getting at here is that Rowling did this to herself. It was her pseudo-representation that prompted her readers to create their own, solid representation.

In conclusion, I'll say it - we are rewriting the Harry Potter series. What other piece of media is so heavily edited and embellished in the communities of its fans? Media is open to interpretation, no matter what JK Rowling says about authorial intent. We took what was once subtextual and made it canon, in a way no less valid than the original text. I know this is long, but if you've gotten this far into my ramblings... just think about that. Think about the creative power of a community together. Think about how this fandom fights against Rowling's biases not because we hate her work, but because we love it. And please - keep it going.

#harry potter #marauders era #jkr #wolfstar #lgbtq #headcanon

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toa-arania · 2 years

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Actual things that happen in Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

The owners of as far as we know the only wizarding bank in britain are a race of hook-nosed goblins who only care about money and keeping it safe, and we literally never see them do anything else.

One of the only explicitly black characters in the series is the star player of the sports team.

Twist villain with basically no setup that I remember because Joanne is into Snape or something idk.

Also the irish guy keeps exploding things.

The name "Severus".

The film renames the title to Sorcerer's Stone in the US for as far as I can tell literally no reason, despite the fact that the titular Philosopher's Stone is (presumably, I've never come across an american copy) not renamed in the story due to being based on an actual alchemical principle.

Voldemort and Quirrell are not a ship because Joanne couldn't stand the idea of anything being gayer than she desperately wants us to think Dumbledore is.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Slave race.

An 11 year old who instantly becomes obsessed with the HPD and basically never stops.

People being racist against Hagrid because he's tall and nice and just a lovely ball of Huffle- oh? No? Oh right, he's a protagonist, of course he's Gryffindor, my mistake.

On that note, 25% of students are deemed evil by a sassy hat and get sent to Racism Jail because they didn't say no.

Another 25% of students probably have gifted-kid syndrome, maybe 50% based on how Slytherin does.

Half of this book is set in a toilet because of a dead bullied girl. The fact that no one ever asks how she's doing is a plot point on multiple occasions and she is apparently so starved for affection that she is relentlessly horny towards anyone who doesn't actively abuse her.

The name “Gilderoy”.

All these fucking 12yos are horny for the same teacher.

I'd say something about the teachers and negligence but honestly we saw how COVID went so fuck knows.

16yo Voldemort being vaguely horny for 11yo Ginny.

This school was built before plumbing was a thing and has a secret snake dungeon built into the plumbing, which apparently no one found when they were building the plumbing.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Chocolate is the solution to depression.

The metaphor for depression gets put around the school and the teachers are fine with this. I'm sure this means nothing at all. A character is called “Remus Lupin” and we’re supposed to be surprised he’s a werewolf.

Harry spends the entire book forming a father-figure attachment to Lupin and hating Sirius, and then basically ends the book by doing a heel-point turn into being obsessed with Sirius as a father figure.

I'm pretty sure you don't execute a horse if it kicks someone irl.

Time travel.

Death by snu snu.

I’m not joking, the metaphor for depression kills you by snogging you.

I seriously need to emphasise that the knockoff ringwraiths genuinely suck you so hard your soul literally leaves your body.

Now seems like a sensible time to mention this series's general treatment of Ron as one of the many Actual Choices Joanne Made because next up is book 4 and it's about to get a whole lot worse.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"People have died in these games before, so only the 17yos are allowed."

Murder is on the curriculum. So are torture and mind control.

Everyone is horny for the french girls. There are no french men.

Everyone hates the eastern european men because they are men and we hate them. Also they sat at the Slytherin table and that makes them evil, and is definitely nothing to do with what people think of russia.

The russian is also a war criminal, and I think a racist but I don’t remember offhand?

While fact checking whether he is a racist I discovered that actually the entire-ass eastern european school is systemically racist.

Someone illegally enters a 14yo's name into a competition that is supposed to only have three people and he is magically the fourth. We later find out someone is trying to get him killed but it completely didn't fucking work.

Dumbledore asked calmly.

Every single thing about the way Fleur is written.

Ron spends basically this entire book being a dick.

Harry also spends basically this entire book being a dick.

The dragon is just allowed to escape the arena and piss off.

Harry gets sexually harassed by a dead 14yo with the epithet "moaning"

Harry gets gaslit into thinking his friends are going to drown.

18yo Viktor is horny for 14yo Hermione.

The only explicitly asian character in the entire series is called fucking Cho Chang, is in the Smart People™ house, and basically serves no purpose except to stand around and look pretty.

I'm pretty sure this is the book that has a bit about Fred and George tickling the giant squid.

The slave race not only apparently doesn't want to be free, but treat those who are free as pariahs.

Admittedly the twist villain in this book actually was set up, so I'll give her that.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Umbridge is based on a real actual person who exists.

Propaganda round 1.

Actually, I'll give this one some credit. This book introduces Luna Lovegood, who I genuinely love, and has some commentary on the school system that I do quite like. It is also one of the only books that punishes Harry for something he actively chose to do in the knowledge it might result in punishment that wasn't just Harry Being An Idiot.

However this is also the first book that has Dumbledore spend its entire runtime gaslighting Harry.

Cho Chang continues to do nothing in this book except occasionally cry.

Umbridge gets kidnapped and possibly railed for being too racist.

Someone gets turned into a baby. I am not making this up. This is a thing that happens because someone gets yote into a stack of time machines and destroys them all because Joanne didn't know what else to do with that plot point.

This section feels really short because honestly this book didn’t actually have a lot going on, yet it somehow manages to be the biggest book. But don’t worry, the next two are also chonky as fuck.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Dumbledore feels bad for gaslighting Harry so much last book that he lets this fucking 16yo join in on the magical quest into other people’s memories.

Horace Slughorn, the only Slytherin in the series who is remotely nice to anyone ever still manages to be a racist at least once.

This book explicitly describes Lavender Brown as white over a year after the film of book 3 already cast a black actress. The films responded by re-casting her. I’m pretty sure she also spends most of the book dosing Ron with love potion but honestly I don’t remember much about this one.

Speaking of which, they teach horny teenagers how to make love potion because there's no way that can possibly go wrong.

The half-blood prince writes up his own spells, which sounds impressive on paper but all of these spells are just shitty latin anyway. It would’ve been more impressive for him to write up his own potions instead of working out that saying levicorpus levies your goddamn corpus.

This one contains a lot of flashback memory stuff. Like a lot. And it is basically all Voldemort backstory exposition. I don’t remember a lot of details but I think he was from one of those rich people incest families that get mentioned offhand in book 5.

Actually this is probably a sensible time to mention that although this series is ostensibly about how who your parents are doesn’t matter, the subtext is constantly smacking you over the head with how much it does actually definitely matter.

I’m pretty sure this is the book where someone teleports herself in half and is just fine.

This is the book where Snape goes from “teacher who is such a bully that a boggart turns into him” to “teacher who is officially instructed to bully harry into learning a thing that Dumbledore later tells him to just not do anyway”.

The death eaters instruct a 16yo child to murder Dumbledore and are surprised when he keeps fucking up.

I think this might be the book where someone eats dragon testicles but I might be misremembering that.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Honestly I don’t even know how much of book 7 I remember at this point, but a lot happened. Like a lot. The main thing being Joanne upending the entire bottle of major character death sauce even though Dobby was the only one anyone actually cried about. Fun fact, Dobby is also the only nonmagical death in the series because he just gets fucking stabbed by Helena Bonham Carter. Even other people who get killed without actual spellcasting are killed by magical creatures, which are- y'know- magical.

Propaganda round 2.

Joanne manages to retroactively queerbait Dumbledore with the prequel to Voldemort, refusing to be remotely gay with them in the text, but then saying they are anyway.

Joanne finally reveals the full extent of her obsession with Snape, and spends I think multiple chapters trying to redeem him and paint him as the secret hero without once even addressing how much of a dick he is to people that aren’t Harry.

In her fervent attempts to redeem Snape, Joanne accidentally makes him an incel.

In fact, Joanne tries so hard to redeem Snape that Harry names a kid after him when Hagrid (basically Harry’s actual father figure since book 1) gets fucking nothing, despite the fact that he is the only one of Harry’s five father figures to survive the whole series.

Cursed Child Bonus Round

Joanne, after having previously whitewashing Lavender, decides to blackwash Hermione instead of just making good poc characters in the first place. I’m pretty sure she said something about how Hermione could have been black all along despite literally describing her as white in the books.

The relentless queerbaiting of Albus and Scorpius.

In a parallel universe where he didn’t die, Nice Guy™ Cedric Diggory becomes such an incel that Voldemort wins.

Voldemort is pronounced with a silent t.

The lunch lady is an eldritch horror.

Hermione is minister for magic despite directly saying in book 7 that she will never run for the position.

Voldemort Day™.

Propaganda round 3, I think?

It’s been a while since I saw it, but I’m pretty sure this play casually kills off Harry at least twice. One of those is definitely a result of Depression Snu Snu.

Oh yeah, the time travel is back, but it’s a d i f f e r e n t o n e so the rules are different.

Voldemort and Bellatrix somehow have a baby for some reason despite Voldemort explicitly wanting to be immortal, so a successor would be pointless, and explicitly being “incapable of love” is like his whole deal.

Speaking of which, the main villain of Harry Potter is the villain because he is “incapable of love”, which I shouldn’t even have to say is intensely prejudiced against arospec (and probably acespec because I don’t think anyone could seriously tell me Joanne will see a difference) people, but it also means that (again, because I refuse to believe Joanne will see a difference) Voldemort has exactly zero reason (or ability, according to Joanne) to have a baby.

This baby is the main villain of the play, and I remember nothing about her aside from this fact.

I'm not doing Fantastic Beasts because I remember nothing about it and I don't want to.

#harry potter series #hp #hpd means harry potter dick btw

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overheard-at-hogwarts · 5 years

Conversation

Dumbledore: I would say I'm gayer than you.

Grindelwald: How are you gayer than I am?

Dumbledore: I wear a man purse!

Grindelwald: That's not gay, that's hideous. And if you were as gay as I am, you'd know that.

#overheard at hogwarts #source: grace and frankie #harry potter #hp #fantastic beasts and where to find them #incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect hp quotes #incorrect fantastic beast quotes #albus dumbledore #albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore #gellert grindelwald #grindeldore #hogwarts professors

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no-idea-what-imdoing · 3 years

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Mostly out of context high school quotes part 3

Term 2 here we go

Also for refrence I live in a very conservative county and my school is open for all people within my county and even some from the next county over because we’re close by for them (it’s in the nw part near the county line) and a lot of underclassmen and middle schoolers are insanely conservative (jr-sr high school kinda sucks wouldn’t recommend)

I’m not gonna be like one of those Karen’s who think you have to wear a mask or they’ll die

I’m gonna shove my d*ck in your mouth shut up Michael

I like big balls

If that’s a coronavirus vaccine I’m gonna be taken out of school my parents are paranoid

-ITS INFLUENZA STEVEN ITS THE FLU

What’s 2+2

-Depends on who you are

[redacted last name 1], [redacted last name 2] y’all are crazy

-Yeehaw

You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

So we all got food poisoning from these potstickers from this Chinese place in Sarasota so my dad went back and ate those potstickers the next day after not being sick

Wait what are potstickers

-You’ve never had potstickers they’re so good 10/10 would recommend just not from this place in Sarasota

How do you get a girlfriend? Be a lesbian (said by a male)

You took an old man’s chair that’s a felony in Florida!

Garret you took mr [redacted]’s chair!

I’m so sorry I’m literally [r slur] I have two brain cells sometimes they rub together

Just because you live in a mansion doesn’t mean you can live in the White House (not about trump about a rich kid actually since a lot of the rich kids come to my school because the private school in my district is worse than the public ones which is weird…it’s also a religious (Baptist) school)

I don’t count California or New York as a state

-So you pretend the most populous city and most populous state don’t exist

-yes they are a cancer

If the students ever had a time to overthrow the administration now would be the perfect time to do it

How do people stand this all the time up north

At least we can drive down here New Yorkers don’t know how to drive

-Actually Florida has some of the worst drivers

-admin is quarantined-

For like a whole hour we had no administration the school was just anarchy

The President, Vice President, Secretary of State, all gone

I hate Splenda have you ever had tried to throw Splenda at someone it’s so light

*taking literacy test* (history teacher trying to prove how unfair voting laws were towards blacks and how the tests were designed to fail and how voter suppression occurred until the 60s+)

So are you all saying your illiterate

Entire class: YES

So glad that the soccer coach isn’t homophobic like the entire p-town girls soccer team is gay

It’s either a sex dungeon or a nursery (reading the yellow wallpaper)

Pleaseee can we watch Harry Potter

Fine. Goblet of Fire.

But that’s the worst one!

Excuse me?

What did you say?

I could create a bulleted list over why it’s the worst

*dumbledore impersonation* HARRY DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE

Marijuana good smoke

*in classroom* It means Ya gayer

*on meets over speaker* Actually I’m bi get it right

I am not used to having this much of my face exposed I feel weirdly naked I am going to put this back on (said by my English teacher during a mask break he’s a cool teacher)

That is all for semester one

#gen z #gen z quotes #high school #high school quotes #public school quotes #public school

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the-desolated-quill · 5 years

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Good Omens, Queerbaiting And Death Of The Author - Quill’s Scribbles

I confess this is the most reluctant I’ve ever been to write a Scribble. When this topic came up, I remember just groaning and putting my head in my hands because I knew that, due to the nature of what I tend to write about on this blog and the fact that I’m an out and out biromantic demisexual queerbo, people would be asking me to contribute to the discourse. And honestly I don’t particularly want to. I don’t get to enjoy many films and TV shows anymore thanks to the industry doing their very best to ruin everything they touch. Can’t I just watch one good TV show without being dragged into some ideological battle?

Okay. Guess I can’t really put this off any longer.

On the 31st May, the long awaited adaptation of Good Omens was released on Amazon Video. I thought it was quite good. Not perfect. There are some things I could criticise, but overall it was a worthy adaptation of the source material and it was very enjoyable to watch. And that seems to be the general consensus with both critics and fans. However over the past couple of months since its release, a ‘controversy’ began to emerge within the fandom regarding the show’s main characters Aziraphale and Crowley. See, a large proportion of both the media and the Good Omens fanbase have interpreted the angel/demon double act as being gay, but this has sparked a backlash from some fans with them going so far as to accuse the show of queerbaiting as the show never explicitly confirms the characters’ sexuality. This then led to a backlash to the backlash, sparking a whole debate as to what constitutes good LGBT representation. Not only that, Neil Gaiman, the showrunner and original co-author of Good Omens, has stubbornly refused to confirm one way or the other whether or not Aziraphale and Crowley are more than just good friends, which has added further fuel to the fire.

Now before we go any further, I just want to disavow one argument that I see cropping up a lot and that really gets under my skin. That Aziraphale and Crowley can’t possibly be gay because they’re not men. They’re genderless beings that feel no sexual attraction. The implication being that the characters are asexual, but the way you hear people going on about it, the Ineffable Husbands seem less asexual and more like soulless robots. First off, you do know asexual people feel love too, right? We’re not Vulcans. Second, can we stop this ridiculous logic that they can’t be gay because they’re not men? It reminds me of the ‘controversy’ that surrounded Mass Effect 3 when BioWare confirmed that you could play as a gay male Commander Shepard. When people pointed out to the critics and haters that you could already play as a gay Shepard if you picked FemShep and pursued Liara, they retorted by saying that Liara doesn’t count as a woman because she’s a ‘monogendered alien.’ And my response to that was... so? She still looks like a woman and she still uses female pronouns. If FemShep is attracted to her, there’s a good chance she might be gay. It really is that simple. Aziraphale and Crowley may be genderless, but they look like men and use male pronouns. So if they were attracted to each other, they just might be gay. Period.

Anyway. Tangent over. Lets talk about Aziraphale and Crowley. You might be wondering where I stand on this whole issue. Do I believe that Aziraphale and Crowley are gay? Well honestly it depends on which version we’re talking about here. If we’re talking about the book version, I would say probably not. Don’t get me wrong. I’m almost certain book Aziraphale is gay as there are a number of references that seem to suggest that. His bookshop is in Soho, which is famous for its thriving LGBT community, the narrator mentions him going to a ‘discreet gentlemen’s club’ in the 1800s, and there’s of course this brilliant line:

“Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.”

So yeah. There was never a doubt in my mind that book Aziraphale was gay. (And before anyone comments saying that the next line mentions that Aziraphale isn’t gay because angels are sexless unless they make the effort, let me ask you something. Who, out of all the characters in the book, does he make a genuine effort for? Aha!). Book Crowley on the other hand isn’t quite so clear cut. Sure there are occasional flashes of something, but it could easily just be interpreted as being gestures of friendship rather than romance. Personally I always saw book Crowley as being more aromantic/asexual. In fact their relationship reminded me a lot of my relationship with my best friend. I’m more like Aziraphale, due to being very camp, somewhat old fashioned and often quite emotional, whereas my friend is like Crowley in that she displays a facade of confidence to mask her insecurities and is extremely loyal to her friends. Now please note I’m not trying to destroy anyone’s personal headcanon here. I know for a fact many LGBT people have interpreted and drawn inspiration from Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship for nearly 30 years since the book first came out in 1990, and I wouldn’t dream of depriving anyone of that. I’m just merely describing how I personally interpreted the characters when I read it.

So, while book Aziraphale is almost definitely gay in my opinion, I personally don’t think they were anything more than just good friends. Do I think the same about the TV version? Actually no. In fact completely the opposite. I think TV Aziraphale and Crowley are 100%, unquestionably and unashamedly in love with each other and this view is supported by the extra material Neil Gaiman has written for them, most notably the 30 minute long cold open of the third episode that shows Aziraphale and Crowley’s blossoming relationship over the course of human history, as well as how the show frames them. We hear the kind of swelling, orchestral music you would hear in a romance when Crowley saves Aziraphale’s books from a WW2 bomb, the scenes where the two argue about running away to Alpha Centauri are presented as being like a legitimate breakup (with the addition of some random passerby telling Aziraphale he’s ‘better off without him’), the other angels occasionally refer to Crowley as being Aziraphale’s boyfriend (albeit in a mocking way), and the way Michael Sheen and David Tennant play the characters makes them feel much more like an old married couple rather than being simply friends. There’s even a wonderful moment in the third episode where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he could give him a ride somewhere, to which Aziraphale responds “you go too fast for me Crowley.” It leaves very little room for doubt in my opinion, and yet Neil Gaiman refuses to verbally confirm this, even though the actors and the director have expressed numerous times that they interpreted the characters as such. Not only that, but the writing and filmmaking leaves just enough room for plausible deniability, never explicitly confirming the relationship. So the question remains, does this count as legitimate LGBT representation or is this just a very advanced form of queerbaiting?

Well first it would be useful to talk about what queerbaiting actually is, because a lot of people arguing against Good Omens don’t seem to fully understand the term. Queerbaiting is when a creator hints at a possible same sex romance without ever actually confirming or depicting the relationship. A recent example of this would be Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series.

JK Rowling first ‘outed’ Dumbledore as gay back in 2007, saying he was in a relationship with the dark wizard Grindelwald, but unless you read the interview, you would never have known this because the book doesn’t provide any sort of hint or clue or reference to that relationship. Worse still, when given the opportunity to rectify this in Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald, Rowling chose instead to downplay the relationship between Dumbledore and Grindelwald significantly. This is queerbaiting. Implying a character might be gay or promising to introduce a gay character only to then backtrack or not fully commit. Another example would be Avengers: Endgame where the Russo Brothers announced there was going to be a gay character in the film only for it to be some nameless guy who’s only on screen for about a minute. It revolves around luring people in with the expectation of LGBT representation only to then snatch it away once they’ve got bums in seats.

(Also, just to clarify, queerbaiting is not when a bisexual or pansexual character becomes romantically involved with someone of the opposite sex. Yes it’s important that we see more bisexual and pansexual characters and yes it’s important we see more same sex couples on screen, but do NOT conflate the two. Deadpool’s pansexuality, for instance, isn’t suddenly invalid just because he has a girlfriend).

So, with this in mind, does Good Omens fit the criteria of queerbaiting. Well the sexuality of the characters are often the focal point of many interviews, with the director and actors explicitly describing Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship as ‘a love story.’ Most notably Michael Sheen, who plays Aziraphale and who has been carrying a torch for the Ineffable Husbands since Good Omens came out. But unlike JK Rowling and the Russos, the makers of Good Omens can back up their words with content. As mentioned above, the way the show frames the relationship makes the implication quite clear. There’s even a bit where Crowley thinks Aziraphale has been killed and he leaves the burning bookshop while ‘Somebody To Love’ is playing in the background. It isn’t really very subtle. So, by my understanding, queerbaiting doesn’t seem particularly accurate when talking about Good Omens. The issue here is one of presentation. The overt subtext is all well and good, but does the fact that there’s no explicit confirmation of their relationship make it invalid? To answer that question, we must look into another relevant term. Queercoding.

Queercoding is when a character is given the traits typically associated with those commonly attributed to gay people, such as effeminate behaviour or ostentatious dress sense. This is used often as a way of getting queer relationships past the censor. Implying a character might be gay without explicitly confirming it for fear of the studio or publisher putting their foot down.

While queercoding is often intrinsically linked to queerbaiting, it’s worth noting that while queerbaiting is always seen as a negative (and rightly so), queercoding is neither positive nor negative. It’s merely a contextual device and can be positive or negative depending on execution. A positive example of queercoding would be Deadpool.

While the Merc with the Mouth has never been officially outed as pansexual, both the comics and the movies in particular have framed him as someone who doesn’t conform to heteronormative expectations. The marketing of both movies present Deadpool in traditionally feminine poses as a way of mocking and commenting on how gender is perceived in these kinds of tentpole blockbusters. The comics often make fairly explicit references towards Deadpool’s sexual flexibility for the purposes of humour, such as in his interactions with characters like Spider-Man or Thor.

The movies follow suit. The first movie is littered with moments where Deadpool alludes to being not entirely straight. He occasionally uses gay slang, we see his girlfriend Vanessa penetrate him with a strap-on during the sex montage, and there are frequent references to how sexy Hugh Jackman is, most notably near the beginning when Deadpool describes how he had to give Wolverine a handjob in order to get his own movie. The second movie meanwhile takes it a step further. Not only is the entirety of Deadpool 2 essentially one big allegory for how members of the LGBT community cope with abuse and discrimination, we also see Deadpool express a sexual interest in Colossus many times, the extended cut even going so far as to depict Deadpool trying to give him a blowjob.

Now as I said, Deadpool has never been officially outed as pansexual. That information comes from one of the comic book writers on Twitter. The comics and movies have never verbally confirmed it. We never hear Deadpool describe himself as such. But to say he’s not queer would be absurd because he clearly is. That’s how he’s framed and presented to us across the majority of media. What makes Deadpool a positive example of queercoding is how we view the character. He’s clearly extremely comfortable with expressing his own sexuality and feels no shame in his antics. While the majority of his queer moments are used for the purposes of humour, we’re always laughing with him, not at him.

Now lets take a look at a negative example of queercoding:

This is Moriarty from the BBC series Sherlock written by Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss. Sherlock is without a doubt one of the worst adaptations of the canon that’s ever been made and the show’s treatment of Moriarty is a big reason for that. When he’s first introduced in The Great Game, when he’s posing as Molly’s boyfriend, Sherlock deduces that he’s gay based on really no evidence at all other than that he puts product in his hair and his underpants are showing. It’s ostensibly playing on that stereotype that any man who takes pride in their appearance isn’t masculine and therefore must be gay. (if that were true then David Beckham would be the gayest man on the fucking planet). While it becomes clear at the end of the episode that this was just an act Moriarty was putting on to fool Sherlock, he never really loses the metrosexual image. He boasts about his ‘Westwood’ clothes, we see him prance and preen like some over the top camp supervillain (more on that later) and he makes numerous double entendres that imply he’s interested in men, specifically Sherlock. There’s even a moment in The Reichenbach Fall where we see Moriarty sitting on a throne wearing the crown jewels. Ha! Do you get it? Because he’s a queen!

What makes this form of queercoding more offensive than Deadpool is, again, how we as the audience are supposed to perceive him. Moffat and Gatiss want us to laugh at Moriarty’s camp behaviour and they clearly find the prospect of shipping Moriarty and Sherlock utterly absurd, as demonstrated in the episode The Empty Hearse where we see the Sherlock fan club suggest Sherlock survived the fall because he and Moriarty were secretly lovers. This bit was there for no reason other than to take the piss out of Sherlock fans who read too much into the show’s intentional subtext. Also, crucially, Moriarty has no real character or backstory other than as a gay stereotype. He’s a lazily written caricature who serves no real purpose other than as a homophobic punchline. There’s a lot more to Deadpool than just being queer. With Moriarty however, there’s simply nothing underneath.

Moriarty is also an example of how queercoding is most commonly applied to villains. There are countless examples of this across various media over the years. The Joker from Batman, for instance. Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Scar from The Lion King. In these cases, whether intentionally or not, queercoding plants ideas of gender identity into the viewers’ heads. A male supervillain like the Joker is presented as being eccentric, arch and incredibly camp while Batman, the hero, is big and strong and serious and honourable. A manly man. Likewise, Ursula is presented as butch and unfeminine, scheming and malevolent, whereas Ariel is attractive and sweet and innocent. The ideal woman. Queercoded villains have been used to demonise the LGBT community for decades by presenting an ideal, hetronormative image of what a man or woman should be like, battling an antagonist that doesn’t fit in with traditional gender roles. Obviously there’s nothing inherently wrong with having a camp male villain or a distinctly unfeminine female villain, but it’s worth bearing in mind where these ideas originally came from and the impact it could potentially have.

So lets bring this back to Good Omens. The queercoding of Aziraphale and Crowley is obvious and it’s never presented in negative terms. (there’s a moment where Shadwell refers to Aziraphale as a pansy, but considering the man is a complete moron who draws eyes on milk bottles and thinks nipples are the gold standard way of identifying a witch, I think we can safely say he’s not to be taken seriously). In fact their relationship is incredibly sweet and endearing. Except... I can understand why Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman weren’t explicit in expressing the characters’ sexuality when the book was first published. It was 1990, both Pratchett and Gaiman were still relatively fresh faces and Western society’s attitudes toward homosexuality weren’t quite as progressive then as they are now. But it’s now 2019. Things have changed. Gay characters are appearing more frequently in books, movies and TV shows, people in general are more accepting of the LGBT community and Gaiman is now a hugely successful author with a lot of influence in the industry. Why not just make the relationship explicit?

Well there are two ways of looking at this. The first is that it really doesn’t need to be explicit. You would never hear a man and a woman talk about how incredibly hetero they are, would you? Actions speak louder than words after all. But when the two characters in question are of the same gender, suddenly the whole thing becomes a massive debate to the point where unless someone comes right out and says they are gay, people simply won’t buy it. Deadpool, tragically, has suffered from this with obnoxious frat boys deliberately glossing over the obvious queer subtext and hijacking the character for their own self-aggrandisement. This really shouldn’t be the case and this whole ‘straight until proven gay’ mindset isn’t the fault of the show. It’s entirely the fault of the viewer. The second involves our last topic of discussion. The Death of the Author. (no pun intended. RIP Pratchett).

Death of the Author refers to a literary essay written by the theorist Roland Barthes in 1967, which argues against critiquing a piece of literature based on authorial intent. Basically, once a book or movie or TV show is released to the general public, any relation to its creator becomes immaterial. The work in question must stand on its own and be judged independently. The intention of the author no longer matters. (I’m simplifying obviously, but that’s basically the gist of it. If you ever get the chance, read the essay yourself. It’s a fascinating read). Gaiman appears to be a firm believer in this philosophy. On his Tumblr account, @neil-gaiman, when asked about the the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley, he often refuses to comment, invoking the Death of the Author mindset. It’s up the reader/viewer to interpret the characters. If you think they’re gay, then they’re gay. If you think they’re just friends, then they’re just friends. Some could call this a bit of a cop out, and you’re entitled to do so, but I understand where Gaiman is coming from. We’ve seen writers like JK Rowling get into trouble for queerbaiting, saying that she always intended for Dumbledore to be gay, but never actually showing any real evidence for it in the text, and Gaiman doesn’t want to fall into the same trap. Plus it demonstrates that Gaiman respects the views and interpretations of his fans, unlike Rowling who responded to criticism of her queerbaiting on Twitter with GIFs of people sticking their fingers in their ears and ‘blocking out the haters.’

In some ways I do feel very sorry for Gaiman. On the one hand he wants to stay true to his and Pratchett’s original vision, but on the other hand he doesn’t want to disappoint the hundreds of fans who do view the characters as being gay. Good Omens has been cited as an extremely positive influence on many queer readers, some even going so far as to say that it was this very book that allowed them to finally accept their identities and come out of the closet. Heartwarming stories like this can be found all over the web and hopefully many more will emerge now that the TV adaptation has been released. If Gaiman were to suddenly turn around in an interview one day and say ‘oh. No. Sorry. Aziraphale and Crowley were always intended to be just friends. You’re all wrong’, it would destroy people who invested so much in this relationship. Likewise, if he explicitly confirmed in an interview that the two characters are definitely gay, people would either accuse him of queerbaiting if the show doesn’t fully live up to their expectations or accuse him of shoving his political opinions down their throats. He can’t win either way really. That being said, I can’t help but respect Gaiman for sticking to his guns. It demonstrates that he’s confident in his skills as a writer and his ability to make his intentions clear in the text, that he respects the ideas and opinions of his readers and fans, and that he also respects the ideas and opinions of the cast and crew of the Good Omens TV show. While Gaiman has refused to confirm one way or the other, others like Michael Sheen or director Douglas Mackinnon have made their views very clear. Aziraphale and Crowley are in love. That’s their interpretation and they have every right to it.

So do I believe Good Omens is queerbaiting? In my opinion, no. Does that mean I believe it’s faultless? Again, no. If the intention is to depict Aziraphale and Crowley as being lovers, then I think they could have done a bit more. Obviously I’m not suggesting a full blown sex scene or anything like that. Even something as simple as them holding hands or hugging each other would have done. Some physical intimacy of some kind. Because as it stands, Good Omens does share problems with a lot of other TV shows in how they present same sex couples, in that they’re consciously aware that they are presenting to a heterosexual viewer. This is why a relationship between two women is often sexualised and eroticised for the titillation of straight men whereas the relationship between two men can often be quite chaste. Very rarely do you see two men making out or doing anything beyond a quick peck. Good Omens sadly fits into that camp, though just to be clear, I’m not blaming Neil Gaiman or the show for this. I’m merely saying that this is part of a wider systemic issue that needs to be talked about and addressed as the industry moves forward. (Hell, that might as well be be the title of my entire Tumblr profile). Also, whether you believe the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley is platonic or romantic, it does not change the impact this story has had on many LGBT readers nor the fact that the story is about love. It’s important to bear this in mind because while, yes, it is important to have this discussion, we can’t lose sight of the positive message it conveys with regards to building bridges and closing divides between opposing groups.

“And perhaps the recent exertions had had some fallout in the nature of reality because, while they were eating, for the first time ever, a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square. No one heard it over the noise of the traffic, but it was there, right enough.”

#aziraphale #crowley #good omens #lgbt representation #quill's scribbles

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ao3feed-harrydraco · 4 years

Link

by Kookie_monsta

The daughter of a famous wizard known for fighting dark wizards and even having gone against the great voldermort himself, comes to hogwarts starting the fourth year, she reconnects with old friends and challenges the hogwarts system that pits the houses against each other. Reuniting friends and enemies, she turns heads at hogwarts with her modern day approaches. She's a Bisexual queen who intends to rule hogwarts side by side with her straight as can be best friend Neville and her Gayer than a rainbow bestfriend Draco. Read as to how they battle, families, friendships, the corrupt hogwarts system all while the safety of the wizarding world is being threatened by the presence of Voldermort.

Words: 1303, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s), Golden Trio - Character

Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy/Original Male Character(s)

Additional Tags: Good Slytherins, Gryffindor/Slytherin Inter-House Relationships, Character Development, lots of gay, Gay, Eventual Drarry, smut?, Lesbians, characters apologising, Forgiveness, Friendship, Sex, Sad Backstories, mentions of abuse, Bad Parents, ron is an arrogant fool but what else is new, Harry's world comes to light when he realises not everything is as black and white as it seems, Hermionie is judgemental but we still love her, Draco is gayer than gay, Neville is straighter than straight

#ao3feed #fanfic #drarry #harry/draco #ao3feed-harrydraco #ao3

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comicsqueer · 5 years

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Call Dick Grayson Romani, You Cowards

I’ve been a big fan of Dick Grayson for a long time, longer than I’ve even known that I was. I grew up obsessed with Cartoon Network’s Teen Titans, where Robin was one of my favorite characters. I only learned later who he was, what he became, and what he stood for, both in universe and out. As I got older and gayer and tired of hyper-masculine narratives, I grew to really, deeply, strongly dislike Batman. Even still, I never got tired of Robin. Guess when I learned about his Romani heritage? Last week. Over a decade of persisting interest in this character, starting from long before I was reading comics or even knew his real name, and I learned his cultural background last goddamn week. That’s garbage. It’s just gross, too. Retconning non-white backgrounds, or completely different non-white versions, for beloved characters is always difficult for the major comics publishers to pull off. This is obviously due largely to the overwhelming racism prevalent in comics fanbases, and I get how that makes it an impractical decision in a capitalist society where comics sales are already going down.

Here’s the thing though: do it anyway.

(Massive post under the cut, whoops.)

Electing not to tell diverse stories for the sake of making money is disgusting, but shoehorning in additional cultures to score points for diversity and then ignoring those cultures is so much worse. By doing that, not only does DC get avoid telling diverse stories, but they get to appeal to diverse audiences when they need to. Now they get racists’ money and liberals’ money, yay! This is exactly the case with Dick Grayson’s Romani culture. Don’t Dumbledore your readers, DC. It doesn’t count as representation if you never talk about it in universe, and especially not if you rarely talk about it outside of the comics either.

The retcon came in 2000’s Titans, and it was handled about as well as one might imagine a story of a deeply abused, stigmatized, and erased culture would be handled at the turn of the century. The whole thing is sloppy and littered with slurs and stereotypes, and it was rarely brought up after its rocky debut. This is the beauty of the comics industry though - it’s a constantly growing, evolving, collaborative effort. Devin Grayson had the right intention, even if her application of that intention was a hot mess, and it should have then been the next Titans/Batman/Nightwing/Whatever writer to smooth this transition out. Instead, DC dropped the ball completely, the addition to Dick’s character got passed around just enough to get basically retconned out again, and by the time the next generation of DC’s consumers was old enough to, y’know, consume, it was like it had never happened. What, was Dick Grayson’s white-passing appearance enough for all the racist and xenophobic writers on staff to just close their eyes to the newest chapter of his character? Like if they don’t say it out loud it never happened? Or was DC just embarrassed that they still publish racist books despite their best efforts, and if they don’t talk about it they don’t have to acknowledge their own faults?

It honestly doesn’t actually matter what the reason is, because all of that is bullshit. Fortunately Tim Seeley, writer for DC Rebirth’s Nightwing, agrees, and did mention Dick’s heritage in his books. That’s awesome. Really, it’s such an important thing to do, and he has talked about Dick’s heritage on Twitter so that even people not reading the books may know. Seeley put out some bomb Nightwing comics that you should really read, and all of which featured a canonically Romani Grayson.

That was a couple of years ago now, though. Since then, DC Universe has come out, and two (one and a half?) new versions of Dick Grayson came with it. Young Justice, another classic animated show from the 2010s, has featured Grayson prominently since episode one, and has shown him as both Robin and Nightwing. Young Justice has also been comparatively excellent about diversity, reimagining Aqualad as a black character who was so well received that he was written into comics after his Young Justice fame, and reimagining Artemis as half Vietnamese. Artemis remains a main character in the new season, and is joined by black superhero Black Lightning and a hero named Halo, who was reimagined as a refugee from a fictional East Asian country and who is always wearing a hijab. So where, exactly, is Dick Grayson’s acknowledged Romani background? This show has proven since episode one that they want to diversify the standard lineup, so why do they refuse to do so with the canon culture of one of its most prominent heroes?

The other one would have been huge. Not that any diversity is bad, but DC had the opportunity to hire a Romani actor for their live action Dick Grayson in the DC Universe original show Titans. The only thing better than diversity in media is diversity that directly benefits artists and creators of marginalized demographics. This show also reimagined a well known hero, casting the alien Starfire as a black woman, to intense backlash. That backlash was disgusting, but they carried on with her casting as they should have. It again begs the question, if they’re willing to break the mold for one character, why not represent Dick Grayson’s established Romani heritage?

We can assume that it’s because of a neat cocktail of ignorance and knowing prejudice on the part of creators, but it’s time to fucking stop. It is the year 2019, and it’s time to stop half-assing representation in media. The two superhero movies in theaters right now are both lead by people of color, and they’re both crushing the box office. The next to come out will star a woman. We are so far past disproving the bullshit excuse that there is no market for diversity in these stories, and it’s time for DC and Marvel to start taking some responsibility as creators who could reach way more people with stunning, new, and interesting stories that cross cultural boundaries. So get to it guys. Dick Grayson hasn’t stuck it out as one of the most prominent characters in your lineup for over 75 years just to have his history and culture erased by racist assholes who care more about money than interesting stories that represent their increasingly diverse readership.

Tl;dr call Dick Grayson Romani you cowards.

#dick grayson #long post #no like really #opinion #dc #nightwing #young justice #titans

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becausetherearestars · 5 years

Text

Destruction of a Goblin Office

Chapter Three of Lord Thanatos here

~ As soon as Hadrian closed the door, Tom dropped his glamour and flopped, very ungracefully in Hadrian’s opinion, into the wingback chair behind his meticulously organised desk. Running his hand through his chin length chestnut locks, taking and deep breath and turning crimson eyes to the young man in the room, Tom visibly prepared himself for what was undoubtedly going to be a long and difficult conversation.

“How were the Goblins?” he asked with a wary look on his face. Hadrian began to think the Dark Lord needed to channel his inner Gryffindor for this conversation, not that he’d ever say that out loud. He liked all his limbs where they were thank-you-very-much.

Hadrian seated himself in front of the desk, throwing his cloak over the back of the chair. “Now, now Tom. No ‘Hello, Hadrian’ ‘How are you Hadrian?’ ‘Well done in front of my scary minions Hadrian’?” A smirk grew on his face as the Dark Lord scowled. “You mustn’t forget your manners, my dear.”

“Hadrian, I swear. We only have an hour and, horcrux or not, I am not afraid to Crucio you. Please get on with it, I just know I’m not going to like it.”

“Okay, okay. Don’t get your wand in a knot. I walked in to the bank and as soon as they saw me they headed me off to Director Ragnok’s office. Apparently they’ve been sending me letters for 6 years and I haven’t received a single one.” Tom’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of the head of British Gringotts but he stayed silent and motioned for Hadrian to continue.

“Ragnok made me take an inheritance test and well, this is where it gets into the ‘of fucking course this happens to Harry bloody Potter territory’…” At this Hadrian handed Tom a sheet of parchment and motioned for him to read it. “See for yourself, you won’t believe me otherwise.”

Tom looked down and his eyes widened almost immediately.

Name: Hadrian James Potter

Age: 16 (emancipated, Tri-wizard Tournament)

Parents:

Paternal: James Charlus Potter (deceased)

Maternal: Lily Rose Potter (deceased)

Godparents:

Sirius Orion Black (blood adopted father, incapacitated)

Alice Longbottom (incapacitated)

Magical Guardian:

Albus Dumbledore (inactive since emancipation)

Creature Inheritance:

Living Vampire (paternal, Peverell line)

Mate: unknown

Donor: unknown

Lordships:

Lord Most Noble House of Potter (paternal)

Lord Most Ancient and Noble House of Peverell (paternal)

Lord Most Ancient and Noble House of Black (blood adoption)

Lord Most Ancient and Noble House of Ravenclaw (maternal)

Heir Most Ancient and Noble House of Slytherin (conquest)

Blocks:

70% Magical Core Block (Albus Dumbledore, Nov 1, 1981) (50% broken)

100% Parseltongue ability (Albus Dumbledore, Nov 1, 1981) (100% broken)

100% Metamorphmagus ability (Albus Dumbledore, Nov 1, 1981) (10% broken)

100% Natural Occlumency (Albus Dumbledore, Nov 1, 1981) (30% broken)

100% Creature Inheritance (Albus Dumbledore, Nov 1, 1981)

100% Elemental Magic (Albus Dumbledore, Nov 1, 1981)

Potions:

Loyalty potion (keyed Albus Dumbledore)

Loyalty potion (keyed Weasley Family)

Loyalty potion (keyed Ron Weasley)

Loyalty potion (keyed Hermione Granger)

Love potion (keyed Ginny Weasley)

Hate potion (keyed Slytherin House)

Hate potion (keyed Severus Snape)

Hate potion (keyed Draco Malfoy)

Submission potion (keyed Dursley Family)

Submission potion (keyed Albus Dumbledore)

Contracts:

Marriage contract to one Ginevra Weasley (illegal, not filed)

“I think the old coot’s biggest mistake was he counted on me hating you on my own, purely for killing my parents.” Hadrian said casually once he thought Tom had come out of his shocked state.

“His biggest mistake... no, his biggest mistake was not forgetting to make you hate me! For fucks sake Hades, he might as well have altered your entire personality! And how in Merlin’s name are you still alive? You had 70% of your magical core blocked! I’m going to murder the old fool.”

Magic was whipping around the office, the air heavy with the thickness of the dark magic expressing the Dark Lord’s rage. Hadrian sat in awe for a moment, enjoying the sight of Tom’s addictive magic throughout the room. He wouldn’t say it out loud but the fact that Tom was so worked up over something bad happening to Hadrian warmed his heart a little bit. He did think he should probably stop Tom before he destroyed his office or something though, especially since this wasn’t the worst of the news he received at the bank.

Hadrian reached out with his magic for the link that connected Tom to the horcrux in his scar and sent a wave of calming magic through the bond. “It’s fine Tom, the Goblins put me through a purging ritual as soon as they saw this and put their office back together. They managed to unblock everything and get the potions out of my system and talk me through the creature changes,” he said waving a dismissive hand.

“You destroyed a Goblin office?” Tom asked with a sigh watching Hadrian intently as the younger man attempted to school his sheepish expression into something more befitting of a Lord.

“Ah, well… yeah, maybe I did,” he said nervously. “But they forgave me and we put it back together! No harm done!” Not liking the way this conversation was now going but thankful that it managed to pull Tom out of his rage for a moment.

“That’s not all is it?” the older man asked gravely.

“Not even slightly, darling.” Hadrian said, grinning at the Dark Lord, “our ammunition for destruction only gets better from here.”

“So, the old man was my magical guardian, do you know what that is?” At the shake of the Dark Lord’s head he continued. “No, you probably wouldn’t, I don’t think you had one. Anyway, it’s the person who’s in charge of looking after a minor’s living arrangements, vaults, inheritances and, most importantly in my opinion, making sure the minor knows about the magical world. That they know how to navigate it and are prepared to take over the family when they come of age. Obviously, old Dumbles sucked at being my magical guardian because I had to learn all that shit by myself and didn’t even know about the magical world ‘till I was 11.”

“He named himself the magical guardian of Harry James Potter on November 1st, 1981, before Sirius was arrested I might add, dropped me off at the Dursley’s and walked away with almost complete control of the Potter vaults and seats.” Hadrian could see understanding come to Tom’s face as he figured out where this was going.

“Anyway, using my money, Griphook told me the old coot has been paying himself 1000 galleons a month, the Dursleys 500 galleons a month to ‘condition me’, the Weasley’s 100 galleons a month for ‘looking after me’ in the magical world, Weasel and Granger 100 galleons a month each for being my friends and the Weaselette 50 galleons a month in preparation for being the next Lady Potter.” At this Hadrian rolled his eyes dramatically. “like that would ever happen, i’m gayer than a herd of rainbow unicorns.”

Tom muffled a snort at that. Hadrian heard and counted it as a win.

“When he dropped me at the house of hell, he had my parent’s wills sealed, took control of all of Sirius’ stuff after the heirship passed to me at the end of last year. How he got that one done I don’t know, he has no connection to the Blacks…” Hadrian thought old Dumbles must have had to pull a lot of favours to get that one through and sat with a thoughtful expression on his face until Tom cleared his throat and motioned for him to continue.

“Right, sorry,” he said ignoring the Dark Lord’s exasperated expression. “I listened to both wills and both my parents said I should go to literally anyone in the magical world before that bitch Petunia and her whale of a husband, so there’s another shot at old Dumbles’ good record. Along with condoning the abuse of a magical minor. I was supposed to go to either of my godparents, then Snape, then whatever nice wizarding family the ministry could find for me. Honestly, I think they would have preferred I went to you before the muggles.”

Mirth danced in his emerald eyes as a look of horror, then disgust passed quickly over the Dark Lord’s face. “Nope, nope, nope. I don’t do children. That would not have been good,” Tom said, barely repressing the shudder that threatened to wreck his body at the mere thought of having to look after a child..

Hadrian chuckled, briefly imagining a little kid calling the big bad Dark Lord ‘daddy’ before quickly pushing that thought aside (and the horror that came with it) and continued on with his story.

“Anyway, they left a few things to Snape and the other Marauders but, basically everything went to me.”

“I’ve looked through the Potter vault records. The Goblins have decided they like me so they’re recalling all the gold he took from there with interest. He’s also taken a boatload of books and artefacts from the main Potter vault and distributed them to his minions. Those will be harder to recall but the Goblins said they should be able to get 90% of the stuff back and payment for anything that can’t be returned.”

“Only you Hadrian, could get the Goblins to like you,” Tom said giving Hadrian a look mixed between fondness and exasperation. “Of course I can, old man, i’m nice.” Hadrian said sending a charming smile and a wink to the Dark Lord before a curse could be thrown his way as Tom muttered something about not being that old.

#my fanfiction #fanfiction #harry potter #tom riddle #lord voldemort #lord thanatos #harry x draco

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musicloverdani · 5 years

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Saw The Crimes of Grindelwald

And I was excited for it, but it was dull, poorly plotted, there was very little characterization and story.

Watching the film was almost the equivalent of spending two hours watching cars go by on the freeway.

There were some things I enjoyed, I still love Newt, Jude Law as Dumbledore was everything. I wanted more Leta Lestrange, she deserved better. But I did enjoy what we got of her.

While I didn’t hate Johnny Depp as Grindelwald, I didn’t love him either. He didn’t give the kind of performance that I couldn’t imagine someone else doing. I really think Colin Firth did a better job and they should’ve kept him.

Worst part of the film was continuing the story of the worst part of the first film, and that was everything dealing with Credence. He’s back and more boring than ever, and he and Nagini are traveling together asking people who he is.

Also Nagini being made into a human was just as pointless as I thought it was going to be. Her role is literally that of an speaking extra, if you replaced her with a lamp, nothing would change. She literally had no purpose for being in the movie except as a callback to the HP novels that make it super clear that’s who she is, instead of people guessing if the giant snake they see is Nagini.

Also, for Grindeldore, we got more hints at the relationship as being a gay one than I was expecting. But it was still a breadcrumb, we only get like three scenes with Dumbledore and seven with Grindelwald and none of them together. At least, not a speaking one, and not a present one. And for a movie called the Crimes of Grindelwald, and his relationship with Dumbledore being the most famous of them, it’s interesting that they chose to not make that a focus of this movie, when it seemed like the perfect opportunity to. It was more than I was expecting after that Yates interview, but it still gets no applause from me for not being complete queer bait. Like, it could be gayer.

But it was truly a nothing movie, even the big reveal at the end was dumb to me, because a character who is definitely dragging the series down is made into a very important character. But really it was a lot of filler, like this is the movie to skip in this series. Hopefully the next is better, and someone can actually get some criticism to J.K. because the movie looked great, the acting was fine, it was the script that really needed some work. Because it was dull, a lot of threads that didn’t really matter, a lot of magical inconsistencies, and this buildup to the first Wizard War seems like it would’ve better fit as a prequel book series rather than a movie series.

#my opinion #crimes of grindlewald spoilers #crimes of grindelwald #fantastic beats and where to find them #could've been better

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yerabearmum · 6 years

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Finally got around to watching season 7 and HOOOO BOY do I have a lot to say

“he’s the youngest pilot ever to lead a mission into space” I think you forgot to mention ‘professional gay disaster’

Shiro looking at Keith, who is staring morosely out the window: he so obviously needs a hug but he would also glare a hole through my face if I come within ten feet of him how can I show this child love

DO YOU SEE LANCE'S LITTLE SWOOPY HAIRCUT

why is Little Lance’s voice deeper than Big Lance’s

“the emo kid’s doing it!” of course he is what more would you expect from the kid who never talks and openly but silently hates your guts

how does this twelve-year-old know how to drive in the first place

Kieth:*steals a car*

Me: PROTECT HIM

shiro doesn’t even look upset he’s just concerned and impressed

lance is so done with science in general

hello my name is takashi shirogane and welcome to my ted talk

Romelle’s hand gestures fill my soul with warmth

Coran is literally just Space Steve Irwin

Coran’s intimidation methods are #fierce

if that’s seriously how you used to wrangle yelmores then is it really any wonder why Alfor is dead

“like you, lance” an hour of adoring silence for this sibling relationship

how much you wanna bet Shiro is aware of everything around him and his only thought is “listen baby bro I already came back from death once why do you fear that I can’t do it again”

Keith yawns like a gay queen

I aspire the be the same level of zen as the recorder guy in the background

just remember that keith was and still is just as much of a showoff as Lance

Hunk’s expression when James says the only reason Keith is there is Shiro ‘james srsly are you trying to die”

“is that what mommy and daddy told you before-” MY MOMMA NEVER TOLD ME SHIT

there is exactly -.0002% chance of me ever getting over the gorgeous indigo color of Keith’s eyes they’re like tiny emo galaxies

consider: Homelle is such a wholesome hufflepuff ship

Lance Saves All Our Asses Again and It Goes Completely Unmentioned Afterwards Again: a novel by nobody because Lance gets as much recognition as a piece of bra lint

Pidgeot shaking a water drop off her head like a tiny woodland nerd sprite is my new reason for existing

my smol children just got smoler

Shiro looks like some kind of Gaydiana Jones on that hover thing

it’s probably just the anime eyes but it seriously looks like Little Keith is wearing eyeliner

shiro zooming off the cliff is like me trying outrun the overwhelming weight of existence

bby keith in the sunset is Hiro Hamada minus the tooth gap and personal healt- oh no wait that would be Shiro. shiro is baymax. floofy boi= marshmallow bun. WHERE DO THE CONSPIRACIES END.

honey you’re like twenty-two and a very bad liar

Admiral Sonda is just Sam Holt as a woman

literally the gayest gay breakup they could get away with. I applaud you

how dare they use the most underappreciated character as literal bait

ah, i see rescuers down under made an appearance in the timespace of a single frame

why do the yelmores sound like Chewie

the phonotonium bubbles are bringin back memories of the Newtcase scene

that moment when you realize what he means by “you can’t do this to me again” and you feel your will to live crumble into Satan’s coffee grounds

the way that Lance says “ready to charge up the lions?” reminds me so much of that time in Eureka when Zane was like “ready to smash some unstable atoms together at the speed of light?”

I can’t remember a single time that Lance looked happier or more excited about life in general that he does in the intro and... oh, look, there goes my heart. falling to the floor. shattering on the concrete. again. look at it go.

Coran honey they are standing right next to each other does it look like Cosmo is eating her

road trip humor

darling child do you honestly believe that this lion is going to let some random-ass person sit down and drive it

HE'S LONELYYYYYY

What the everloving fuck is wrong with the Altean alphabet

Hunk's selfies are so precious

"No. Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. Can't do this." BIG MOOD OKAY

ALLURA HAS FUCKING SUPER STRENGTH

yes thank you for that recap Lance we had not yet noticed the difficulty of our situation

"super dangerous it's perfect" yeah me too hon me too

will the little PEW PEW sounds ever cease to amuse me? the answer is no

Kosmo+Krolia is the ultimate kickass mom team

WAIT WHAT I THOUGHT THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THE JAWS WOULDN’T OPEN

guys come on have a little faith in him

I, too, sometimes narrate my life inside my head

Kosmo: oh I’m sorry I’ve been a wee bit BUSY DYING

so apparently Kaltinecker is just a generic name for space cows? I don’t like this

“who are you?” *Mushu voice, unfurls wings* “your worst nightmare”

Axca is just “whoop I kicked your ass mY bAd”

“Indeed I was, but now I am your savior.”

why is Ezor so lovable

“we’re going to have to use a more extreme approach” *pulls out silly string threateningly* “start talking”

Hunk looks so offended when they’re picking who to torture

Ezor would be perfect for one of those Garnier Fructis commercials where they pick stuff up with their hair

Can we talk about Lance and Pidge's sibling relationship? I think as much as they complain, they both really miss having that close kind of relationship. Pidge has Matt, of course, but he's not exactly open to talk anytime they want. This leaves Pidge and Lance to fall back on each other. Lance grew up in a big family, and probably also a very tight-knit one. So whether he realizes it or not, he depends on those kinds of connections, with stupid little arguments and support. I think that sibling connection is the one thing that really keeps them grounded when nothing else can.

Oh! And the other thing: This first occurred to me during the "DON'T YOU TOUCH HER" scene, because Lance is the first one to react protectively. Sure, the other's are protective of Pidge, but it's different for Lance because he reacts in such a 'big brother' sort of way. Again, Lance comes from a really big family, so playing the big brother role is second nature to him, and I love that it's such a huge part of his character to be protective.

*S&M plays every time Axca is onscreen*

Coran doing the Office Look

Coran: the lions are weak, we’ll end up right back here

Axca: then perish

I think the guard is already overwhelmed enough, what with having his quiznack handed to him by a couple of mice

Takashi honey does he look okay

why does Zethrid just sound like a guy trying and failing to do a girly voice

so apparently Axca has a type and that type is guys with ‘flippity hair’

Pidge’s smolness is a weapon in and of itself

when did Lance become the right-hand man I like this arrangement

“Can we just fight?” is the pg equivalent of “I’M GAY BITCH”

Ezor’s... head thing makes her look like Space Rapunzel

she was *Star Wars voice* seduced by the dark side of the force

do they seriously expect us to believe that there’s just an alien named Bob

‘intergalactic goofballs” is the most accurate description yet

“c’mere keith” WIVEL WIVEL WHIRL

“I... uhhh” is the most artist thing I have ever heard

do the creators just stuff cookies in their mouths and say random stuff to come up with alien words

WHY DIDN’T THEY GUESS KOSMO IS LOOKS MORE LIKE KOSMO THAN A LION

princess Lance is playing this game the right way don’t you yell at him

Keith’s voice when he says “windy cave?”

”the dumb one” bitch you’re the one who’s dead so who’s really the dumb one here

Bob please stop hurting my son his self-esteem is already fragile enough

Is he beautiful? Absolutely. Is he dumb? ABSOLUTELY NOT STOP HURTING HIM

One of these days Lance will straight up dab and on that day I will die of joy

Allura is literally picking up Hunk and I love it

now Allura’s asking the really big questions. I mean, what are any of us doing here. We’re just specks of dirt floating on the vast tissue of time

Pidge is trying so hard to look like she couldn’t care less and I’ve never related to anything more

She looks so smug whacking the camera

KEITH HAS OFFICIALLY ADOPTED SHIRO’S PROUD SPACE DAD FACE

Lance’s face when he’s talking about his little crush on Keith

CAN YOU TWO GET ANY GAYER

I just want Coran to get to earth and be Dumbledore in a play

I like the end music it’s so dancey and disco but not cringy

In the course of two seconds Coran goes from the Lorax to a ginger version of the guy from Ratatouille

KoSmO ThE dElIvErY wOlF

was that for real an alien dick joke

I like how both my gay sons have marks on their faces. Shiro has a scar, Keith has a Galra mark. What’s next? Lance with airbender tattoos? I hope not.

that is legit just a watermelon with tusks

oh Merlin no that’s even worse please go back to the watermelon

zippity zap your neck goes snap

don’t you love it when female characters literally glow with power? because I do

that was such an Avengers moment

Chat Noir would be proud of you, Hunk

Shiro is a savage

THE FACT THAT KEITH THOUGHT HE HAD TO EXPLAIN WHAT FLIGHT FORMATION EXERCISES ARE

the paladins adopting ‘quiznack’ into their casual cussing vocabulary is what I live for

if “something will come to kill us any minute now” is a good thing, you have severely low standards

oh yes lovely they’re having group hallucinations of space bats

OHHHHHHHHHHH YES BRING ON THE QUESTIONING OF EXISTENCE I NEED THIS ANGST

Hunk stubbornly refusing to sound off is so relatable like my stubbornness also drives all those around me slowly insane

HUNK IS LITERALLY SHOOTING A GIANT RAY OF SUNSHINE BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY A GIANT RAY OF SUNSHINE

Hunk being shocked by being shown any form of value and appreciation crushes my heart this boy needs to be loved

that enthusiastic “YEAH!” is what sleep deprived happiness sounds like

I like to imagine the voice actors practicing dramatic anime screaming while they drive to work and now I can’t breathe cuz I’m laughing too hard

WAIT WHAT I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE PROBLEM HERE WAS THAT THE LIONS WEREN’T CHARGED ENOUGH TO FORM VOLTRON

Keith and Lance’s bayards make giant magic wings that’s some serious soulmate shit right there

really you’re not gonna shoot it first to check if it’s real? after that whole space monster thing? you’re just gonna zoom toward it? hon c’mon

and of course the creators had to ask themselves “How can we best ruin this moment of joy? THE GALRA INVASION”

Colleen Holt is a force of nature and the living embodiment of “don’t fuck with me I’ve got the power of God and anime on my side”

Iverson: here’s what we know

Me: YOU FOOL YOU KNOW NOTHING

Sammy’s not having none of your shit so shut it before he tapes it

DO YOU SEE COLLEEN’S FACE I DON’T WANT LIFE ANYMORE

oh jeez they’re lined up by height that’s adorable

I like how this clearly takes place in a fairly distant future, but robots aren’t doing everything like people seem to think they would. The evident majority of labor is still done by people, like engineers and flight directors.

BITCH IT’LL BE YOUR WAR WHEN THE GALRA ARE ON YOUR DOORSTEP DO YOU REALLY WANNA WAIT UNITL THEN

I’VE ONLY HAD COLLEEN FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HER THIS SHOW WOULD BE DEAD TO ME

If they’d shown Keith’s recording it would’ve been like “Hey, it’s me. *with Kosmo sprawled across his lap, panting loudly. Lance is snickering quietly behind the camera* I don’t exactly, uh... have family on earth. But I’m Keith, the Garrison’s number one discipline problem. I wear the title proudly, but I still just wanted to... apologize, kind of, to pretty much every authority figure at the Garrison for making your life living hell. Yeah.”

“but everything changed when the Galra invaded”

does Kinkade ever speak? I kinda want him to be mute. A disabled fighter pilot would be the coolest thing

Veronica is such a badass

aw man he spoke

I can’t wait for when Krolia comes back to earth everyone’s gonna be like “oh fUCK A GALRA SHOOT IT DOWN” and then Keith walks out with his arms up like “HOLD IT THEY’RE WITH US” *Krolia steps out* “everybody say hi to my mom”

“Don’t miss” oh yeah I just thought I’d let them go this would be a great way to let Sandac know we’re here

THE SMALLEST PIDGEOT

oh my Merlin they have a dog

oh what a soft moment

what was with that dramatic look between Keith and Griffin? I mean I know this is Keith we’re talking about but there’s no way they held a grudge that long over a disagreement when they were... what? Eleven?

Allura is rocking that Garrison uniform

“Allura, you’re a genius!” yeah sweetie I know

OH MY MERLIN MY TWO ANGELS ARE HUGGING DO YOU SEE KEITH’S FACE

that’s going to electrocute him

HOLY QUIZNACK SHE HAD A BALMERA CRYSTAL ON HER FOREHEAD THE WHOLE TIME

Shiro’s hair floof looks less like a bird now and more like a dead bush

WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS ALLURALANCE COMING FROM THE STARS GAVE NO WARNING OF THIS I DO NOT ACCEPT

Veronica is officially one of my faves

Kaltinecker is just like “oh this is happening now”

SMUSH

I still can’t believe they got the particle barrier up in the first place

PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE FACT THAT LANCE IS THE FIRST PERSON KEITH CALLS FOR

ohhhh look it’s launching somethings going good- wait never mind WHY ALWAYS THIS

Leifstoder is adorable

CAN YOU ANIMATE SOMETHING ELSE

Griffin has the voice of an angel

Shiro’s floating arm kind of ruins the dramatic hero effect of the doors opening into the light of battle

should the beams from the zyphorge canons be that pretty

I know Sendac is an ass and he deserves to die but I have to admire his dedication

NOW I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEFALLIN

my major problem here is that, a) how is Shiro alive? he has no helmet, no oxygen tank. all the air should be sucked right out of his lungs. He should be dead, and b) NO HUMAN BEING CAN JUST BARREL THROUGH EARTH’S ATMOSPHERE UNPROTECTED LIKE THAT THE THERMOSPHERE IS LIKE 5OO KELVIN SHIRO SHOULD BE A CHARRED PILE OF BONES

we will remember this as the Battle of the Floating Arms

“Victory or de-” *Keith, falling fiercely from the sky* DEATH

aaaaaaaaaand the victory is short-lived

oh I missed this when is the last time they dedicated an entire episode to just fighting a giant-ass robot

KAWAII ANIME PLANCE

so what is this now? Dark matter? Dark quintessence?

Coran: but Voltron!

Shiro: bitch we are voltron

SoMeBoDy’S gOnNa DiEeE

is there anything I hate more than watching my children accept that they are about to die? My burning hatred for Severus Snape comes very close but no there is not

MATT HAS... I DUNNO WHAT IS THAT? A BOYFRIEND? A GIRLFRIEND? HE’S HOLDING SOMEBODY’S HAND AND HE LOOKS FABULOUS

how much you wanna bet that when Haggar disappeared she took over Lotor’s little Altean colony and now she’s using them for the robots

#voltron #s7 #reactions #it gets angstier every season #i forgot i made a list of my reactions #and then naturally when i found it again my first thought was #oh yah my three followers would love this #jk i actually have like fifteen followers #this has been fun #its been long and painful #but its been fun #because thats how logic works #right #kitty speaks

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