#he's 10 years older after all & has been through a LOT. many things about how he reacts are going to be different. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

firesnap · 3 months

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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 4 months

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Do you think Tom Riddle might have created the horcruxes a lot later than the fandom presumes from the information we have? We don't actually know how recent the murder has to be for the creation of a horcrux and the actual process involved. I just learned that apparently many dark wizards aside from Voldemort and Herpo the Foul have actually tried creating horcruxes but none succeeded as it seems to be a very difficult thing to pull off. Taking that into consideration, I think it'd make a lot more sense for a guy who spent like 10 years in Albania studying dark magic to be able to create a horcrux than a 16 year old after asking his potions professor about it and reading about it in a book.

The "Tom Riddle was so evil, he created his first horcrux when he was 16" thing feeds perfectly into Dumbledore's narrative and goals but I keep thinking about Tom Riddle getting increasingly obsessed with making a horcrux as he gets older because he's been working at Borgin and Burkes for several years, has hardly any chances in the wizarding world, no qualifications for the muggle world and feels like life is slipping through his fingers while he's just suffering.

This is really a @rankheresy idea if there ever was one so I think I'm going to punt a large response off there.

What I will say though, without any explanation, is the following:

We have no confirmation how many horcruxes Tom made and how many items assumed horcruxes are in fact horcruxes

Of those horcruxes we have confirmed, we only have one that gives a somewhat firm idea of when the horcrux was made, all others have a time at which they might have first been made but this is unlikely to be the exact date

#harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter headcanon #tom riddle #meta #headcanon #opinion

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spookyquinnbie · 1 year

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Best Friends Birthday

Eddie Munson x Reader / EM One Shot

Summary: You and Eddie have been friends for years, its your birthday and he has a special surprise for you.

Words: 2646

warnings: fluff, swearing,

Notes: I've had this in my head for a while but never had the time to write it so I hope you enjoy<3

You and Eddie have been friends since middle school. You never grew up in Hawkins, you moved from Ohio when you were about 10 years old. Eddie was your first friend, the first person to talk to you. Since then, you have been inseparable, always by each other's side, hanging out each other's homes, being there for each other through breakups and what not. You both grew up together, your parents were good friends with Wayne, always inviting him and Eddie to vacations and family BBQ’s. You’d been through a lot together over the years.

Wayne loved you like a daughter he never had, he would always call you ‘trouble’ and scruff your hair up when you saw him, he adored you. You were always at their trailer growing up, you preferred it there, it felt more like home than your actual home. You never felt like you belonged at home, always being told ‘act more like your older sister’. You didn’t want to, you wanted to be your own person.

It was senior year for both of you at Hawkins High, Eddie was sure he was going to graduate this year. You were basically his tutor since he wasn’t all that bright, but you didn’t care. Over the past year things have been a little different between you and Eddie. He was now the schools drug dealer and labelled as the freak, which gained a lot more attention than normal. More girls wanted him, more boys wanted to pick on him. You were always there for him. Through his outbursts at his trailer over Jason Carver calling him stupid names to him playing sad love songs on the guitar when his 3-week relationship broke off after a girl asked him out for a joke. You though, you never had eyes for anybody but Eddie. You never told him, never told anybody in fact. You didn’t want to ruin years of friendship, you didn’t think Eddie would like you anyway, you didn’t think you were his type. Sure, you were always a metalhead, liked DnD, liked horror movies but you thought girls like Chrissy Cunningham were more his type, as you’ve seen him drool over her several times in the last 2 weeks. You just admired Eddie from a far, writing notes in your diary about how much you want to kiss him and be his forever. Eddie always flirted with you, always called you his ‘sweetheart’ or ‘princess’, they always made you melt. The way he would kiss your forehead when saying goodbye, or knowing you were anxious when your legs would constantly be bouncing, he would rest his hand on your leg and give you a warm smile to let you know you're okay.

It was the day before your birthday, Eddie had been more excited for it than you for weeks now. He’s invited you over to spend the night with him. This was normal, you used to spend nights together most weekends. He wanted to see you on your actual birthday, but your parents said your family from out of town was coming to see you so the day before it had to be. You had no idea what Eddie had planned for you; you had told him so many times not to get you anything, but he promised id love it.

You just walked into school, your mousy brown hair flowing in the wind along with your black skater dress. You walked up to your locker and opened it, placing your bag in and getting your books for the day. You glance down the hall to see Eddie walking into school, this was early for him. He had a skip in his step, and he had something in his hand you couldn’t quite make out.

“Mornin, birthday girl” Eddie smiled, leaning against the locker holding a rose out in front of him. “Flower for you, sweetheart” His smile was so wide. You couldn’t help but blush and melt at his large brown eyes gleaming at you.

“Thanks, Eds!” You said taking the rose from him and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a warm hug. He kissed your forehead as you pulled away.

“You're still coming over after school, right?” He asked, his eyes wide and desperate for my answer.

“Yes, how many times have you asked me this week” I roll my eyes and look at him, closing my locker and leaning against it next to him.

“I just-” Eddie takes his hands in yours. “i want your birthday to be perfect, you’re my best friend, I have the perfect presents for you” He squeezes your hand gently, swaying them lightly as he gets over enthusiastic about the presents he’s got you.

“Eddie! Presents?! You did have to I told you!” you nudge him and pout. He smirks and holds his hands up in defence.

“I know, I know but I’ve been working extra hours at the record store and saved up my money” Eddie says placing one hand in his pocket and shrugging. You couldn’t be angry at him, he did this all for you. You smile at him, your eyes sparkling in the sunlight beaming through the windows. The first bell rang and you both went sperate ways for your first classes of the day. You hoped today went fast, the anticipation of what Eddie had planned was killing you.

It was the end of the school day, finally. You were stood outside in the parking lot next to Eddies truck waiting for him. You heard his loud voice from across the lot, you gaze over and see him with Dustin and Jeff, walking over to his truck. Eddies eyes meet yours and he smiles and gives you a little wave.

“Happy Birthday” Dustin and Jeff say in unison.

“Thanks guys” I smile at them both. Eddie lights up 2 cigarettes and hands you one. You nod to him and take a drag and exhale. You didn’t have any time to chat to Dustin or Jeff before Eddie was rushing the conversation and practically pushing you into his truck. The car ride seemed to go on forever, you were nervous what Eddie had planned for you. Eddie hardly spoke the whole ride to the trailer; his demeanour had changed from this morning, he seemed stiff and nervous. You kept looking over at him as you smoked your cigarette in the passenger side of his truck.

We finally arrived at the trailer park; Eddie parked the truck up. He practically jumped out of the truck and ran around to my side before you could even take your seatbelt off.

“M’lady” He bowed while opening the door and holding his arm out. I jumped out of the truck and curtsied to Eddie. “Thank you, kind sir” You giggled. You started walking to the trailer and Eddie grabbed your waist and halted you.

“N-No, wait a sec! Close your eyes” He looked at you making sure you closed your eyes, You put your hands on your waist and close your eyed.

“Keep em closed till I say so yeah?” You felt him walk away from you, you could hear voices but couldn’t quite make them out, your stomach fluttered as your nerves grew. You heard the trailer door open and close once more and then felt Eddies hands on your shoulders.

“Follow my lead, okay?”

“Eddie what's going on?” You follow his lead, holding his arms tight.

“We are nearly there okay sweetheart” We took a few steps more and place your hand on the trailer door. Eddie guides you through into the living room and stops you. You hear a lighter flick and Eddie walks away from you.

“okay! Open your eyes!” You open your eyes and your heart stops. Eddie and Wayne are standing there holding a birthday cake, with a few lit candles. They both start to sing happy Birthday to you, moving closer to you. You don’t know what to do, you take one step closer to them and smile under the hand you have over your mouth. You cannot believe Eddie had done this for you. Your heart feels full watching Eddie and Wayne singing to you.

They both stop singing and Wayne holds out the cake to you.

“Blow out the candles then” Wayne says beaming from ear to ear. You look at him and the down at the cake. You blow out your candles and they both cheer.

“Happy brithday, trouble” Wayne put the cake down on the coffee table and pulls you into a hug, scruffing up your hair.

“Thanks uncle wayne” He wasn’t really your uncle, but you always called him that. You hugged him tight and then turned to Eddie, who was on the verge of tears.

“Come here ya big goof. Thank you Eds” You grab eddies hand and pull him into a hug, he wraps his arms around you. You nuzzle your face into his chest, as he kissed your forehead.

You all stand around in the trailer eating some cake, Wayne wanted to share some cake before he left for work. Wayne had even got you a gift. It was a hat that youd always admired that was off the wall of the trailer, he took it down and gave it to you. It meant a lot to you that he did that, he always had collected those hats.

Wayne left for work and as soon as the trailer door closed, Eddie grabbed your hand.

“okay, now for presents” Eddie gleamed, pulling you into his bedroom. He walked infront of you and knelt down on the floor infront of 3 presents. You walk in the room and gasp.

“Eddie! Oh my god” You skipped to him and knelt down next to him. “For me? Are you serious” Eddie nodded and moved closer to you.

“You have to open them in a certain order though, princess” He smirked at you, grabbing a, badly, wrapped present. Eddie wasn’t the best at anything DIY like wrapping or cooking but the thought is what counts and he puts a lot of thought into anything he does. He hands you a medium sized present, its soft.

“First one” You say, placing it infront of you, ripping the paper. Your cheeks flush red as you see the first present. Eddie had taken one of your favourite denim jackets and sewed on some patches for you. You can tell hes done it himself because of how bad the stiching was, but you didn’t care. You looked over at eddie and your eyes creased with how much you were smiling. He had stitched on a few band patches and a few others, but its just what you wanted, you never thought he’d actually do it.

“Eddie! Ive been looking for this jacket for weeks! I knew you took it” I smirk at him, holding the jacket up and studdying it.

“I love it, thank you Eddie” You put the jacket down and wrap your arms around eddie, kissing his cheek.

“You love it? I worked pretty hard on it for you, I knew you wanted a handmade patched jacket” He rubs the back of his neck and blushes. You nod at him and grin. He picks up the next present and you already knew what this is, by the size and feel of the present.

“No fucking way..” You say as you rip the paper apart once again. He’d got you 2 records, the ones you’ve been going on and on about for weeks.

“Eddie! Oh my- oh my god! Thank you, thank you!” You bop up and down on your knees, you were so grateful. You glance over at eddie and hes been starring at you this whole time. His big doe-eyes watching you gush over the presents, you can tell his heart was happy.

“They are the ones you wanted right?”

“Yes Eddie, yes they are oh thank you so so much!” You couldn’t contain your excitement, but you noticed a change in eddie, he began to fidget and he now had a blank stare on his face. You look over at him and he shakes himself out of it.

“O-Okay next one, this is your f-final present from me, okay s-sweetheart" He grabbed the last present and stood to his feet, he was stuttering on his words and his cheeks were flushed. He held out his hand and helped you up. The present he was holding was a small but delicate gift, neatly wrapped with a bow on top. You glance at the present and then back at eddie.

“Before I open this, I just want to say thank you eddie, for all of this, I mean, this is so perfect” A warm smile glides over your lips, your eyes meet eddies and he takes a deep breath.

“Y-your welcome doll, now” He holds out the present and hands it to you, his hands were shaking slightly. You raise your eyebrows at him and take it. You start to unwrap the present, a lot slower than the others, this one feels precious. It’s a little brown box. You look up at eddie as he takes your arm.

“N-now before you open it, I just want to let you know” Eddie takes a deep breath. “You mean a lot to me Y/N, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, a-and I care about you a lot" He stops to take a breath. Tears are forming at the corner of your eyes, is this the moment you’ve been waiting for?

“Shit.. This is really hard uh.. I really..fuck” He starts to get flustered. I take my free hand to his cheek and stoke lightly.

“Eddie.. Its okay, take your time”

“I want you to be mine, Y/N” He looks deeply at you while opening the little box for you. Your eyes glance down at the box, your heart stops, time stops. Inside the box is a dainty little silver ring with one single tiny stone in it. You stare at it, tears falling down your cheeks. Eddie’s kuckles brush under your chin and lift slightly so your eyes meet his.

“I-it’s a promise ring, I got it you because, I love you. I've loved for since the first day I met you, I just didn’t have the guts to say it, Sweetheart” He chuckled.

“E-Eddie.. I-I love it” you glance back down at the ring and then back at Eddie. He wipes away the tears on your cheek and smiles down at you.

“I promise to keep you safe and love you forever” Eddie now has tears in his eyes. You giggle at a tear falling down his cheek and you wipe it away.

“Will you be mine, Y/N” Eddie asks. You take the ring out of the box and place it on your middle finger, it fits perfectly. You nod and gush, throwing your arms around eddie. He picks you up and you look down at him.

“Yes! A thousand times yes!” You throw your head back in excitement as Eddie spins you around. He sets you back down, his arms still around your waist. You are both looking deeply into each others eyes, your faces moving closer together. You close the distance and crash your lips on his, moving your hand from his back to the base of his neck, intwinging your fingers with his long curly locks. The kiss is passionate and firey, feels like bolts of electric flying from your lips, your heart fluttering making you feel like your walking on air. You break the kiss and place your hand on his chest, looking at the ring intently. He looks down and chuckles, his hair falling in his face and yours.

“Im glad you like it Princess” Eddie holds you close and kisses your forehead.

“I love you Eddie, Its always been you”

#josephquinn #joseph quinn #joe quinn #eddiemunson #eddie x fem!reader #eddie the freak munson #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #munson #uncle wayne #wayne munson #eddie munson x plus size reader

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niko-jpeg · 28 days

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First of MANY Camp Green Hill Doodles. Camp Green Hill is my silly summer camp AU, and since I've been on a 06 kick lately, lots of silliness with that case running through my brian. Context and explanations under the cut <3

Alright! Camp Green Hill takes place at its namesake. It’s a pretty nice, isolated place in the middle of nowhere, and a safe haven for Mobians with or without ‘supernatural abilities’. Sonic is a permanent resident and under the care of Ranger (“Uncle”) Chuck, who is currently in charge of the camp. Onto the doodle explanations:

“Sonic the Hedgehog”: Just a little doodle of our resident hedgehog. He’s well known both around camp and around town for being bright, full of energy, and very competitive. He possesses a super speed ability and loves to let it show.

Sonic and Tails: Sonic and his little brother, Tails were found in the woods around the camp around 10 years ago. Their origins are pretty much unknown, and neither of them say anything about their old homes. It came to light that Sonic kidnapped Tails after keeping an eye on the toddler and noticing he was severely neglected by his community. Sonic’s origins remain unknown. Uncle Chuck speculates he also came from a neglectful family, which is why he took Tails and ran.

Drowning: Sonic cannot swim. Despite this, he hangs around water frequently, especially when pissed off or upset. This has resulted in many near drownings.

Uncle Chuck: Artists rendition of how Uncle Chuck became an uncle. Sonic just kind of wandered into the camp, decided he liked it and its weird owner (Chuck), and declared him their uncle.

Sonic Enjoys Rock Climbing: It's one of his favorite camp sports! He’s gotten pretty damn good, but for the sake of setting a good example, will make use of the safety equipment.

A Completely Normal Cat: A completely normal cat with a completely normal vibe who cannot talk, I promise. Just kidding, that's resident half god Mephiles! They prefer to take on the form of a cat most of the time, mostly to not throw other campers off. And yes, they are in fact, a camper. It's a long story. If you want to know more. My ask box is open ;)

Friendship Bracelets: Silver is buddies with Mephiles, but neither of them have been properly socialized. He and Blaze have matching friendship bracelets, so he made Mephiles one too. They wear it as a collar, since cat wrists aren’t the best for jewelry.

Lawn Chair: There's a little filler ‘episode’ where Silver, Sonic, Blaze, and Shadow all go to a waterpark outside of town, and Silver enlists the help of Meph to get them in, since they know a certain illusionist jackal who could help them out. They pretend to be Shadow’s older sibling to get them in, and hang out with Blaze far away from the splash zone.

They/Them Icon: Just a doodle of Meph I did to fill space lol.

Blaze and Silver: They have a long, complicated friendship. She appeared to him when he was younger shortly after losing his whole family to a catastrophic apartment fire. She’s a secret friend from another dimension, and his only real friend. Little does he know, Blaze was the one who accidentally started the flame, and now feels bad for orphaning him. She grapples with the guilt a lot. Meph was messing around in the future during the off season and accidentally befriended the two, which was their ticket to the past at the camp.

Also, Silver visits Blaze’s dimension frequently! Once he’s comfortable around people, he’s full of spunk, and loves a good adventure. He’s not as innocent and shy as he paints himself to be, not even by a lot. He’s still nervous around Mephiles though, given the whole ‘god’ thing.

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Sonic au #Sonic 06 #Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 #Miles Tails Prower #Uncle Chuck #Mephiles the Dark #They ain't so dark in this au though. they get a really neat arc and I'm excited to yap about it #Silver the Hedgehog #Blaze the Cat #Please ask me about this au I'm going insane #niko.jpeg #And appreciate the messy shading I was trying something new #Meph in the lawnchair and Sonic drowning and climbing are all semi shaded #Please reblog too I beg I need people to be interested in this au or I'll go insane its so special to me #my special little princess #okay rant over #Camp Green Hill

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blues824 · 1 year

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Do you also do Pokémon? Pokémon crossover? Because I got a request that involves the obey me boys react to mc who’s a trainer from the Pokémonverse who got summoned to Devildom with their Pokémon in tow. Mc could be a 10 year old kid if you want, because I kinda want to see the brothers react when this 10 year old human child tells them the story of how they ending up toe to toe with a terrorist group from their region with their Pokémon and saved the world in the process.

Everyone, join me in our national anthem. POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!!!

This is platonic, obviously

Also, check out @reiketsunomizunomegami and their art. Beautiful, truly.

Lucifer

He knew Diavolo wanted exchange students from both realms, but he didn’t expect an angel and a human who looked like they were just learning their ABC’s. This is where he draws the line. How can a 10 year old human academically keep up with demons who have been around for many millennia?

The short answer is: you can’t. It’s quite literally impossible, okay? So they set up different courses that are more simple so that you can get a better grasp on the lessons. After all, if you’re going to be staying here, you need to understand magic.

Lucifer most definitely takes you in as a younger sibling. It’s not his first rodeo, after all. Plus, he’s intrigued as to why the system chose you out of every other human besides Solomon. Because you’re 10 and don’t know much about what should probably be kept a secret, you tell him all about your home in Pallet Town.

When y’all first met, he noticed the red and white spheres you kept on your person. He also noticed that there was one particular familiar that followed you around. He asked you about it and told him that it was your Pokémon and the spheres held other Pokémon that you use in battle.

He’s intrigued because this seems like it’s straight out of a show for kids. He has to explain that there are no Pokémon in the Devildom, but you don’t care. Lucifer’s glad that you can defend yourself to some degree. You then tell him about the run-ins you’ve had with Team Rocket and he is immediately concerned. Grown ass adults are stealing the Pokémon of literal children?? May God forgive them, because he won’t.

Mammon

I’ve seen the headcanons where this guy is a sucker for kids, so I’m putting this into play. Older brother Mammon, I choose you! He sees you overwhelmed and gets down to your level to try and calm you down.

He will be the one to give you a tour around RAD and introduce you to his brothers. Most of the time, he has you on his shoulders so that it’s a bit of a better experience for you. He knows that the little things matter in situations like this.

Mammon takes his role as your protector very seriously. He will gladly throw hands with his own brothers if they mess with you. It’s amusing to you because he will always act so tough when in reality he’s a huge softie.

On one of your shopping trips (he most definitely spoils you), he notices your satchel and asks you about it. You pull out one of the Pokeballs and throw it, shouting Shedinja, I choose you! He let out an audible yelp when he saw a cicada looking animal come out of the ball. It was your weakest Pokémon, so you chose that one.

You explain more about your home region and how Pokémon are the norm just like demons are here. Pokémon are used in battle so that the Trainer can move up through the ranks. You also told him about Team Rocket and how they try to steal rare and powerful Pokémon, like your dear friend’s Pikachu.

Leviathan

At first, he wants nothing to do with you. Children are loud and irritating, so he tries to steer clear. That is until Lucifer forces him to interact with you. Then he realizes that your situation is a lot like the anime in his favorite genre: isekai.

He feels bad that you are a literal 10 year old child in Hell. Not just that, but there really isn’t an elementary course at RAD. Did Diavolo do any calculations right when he was selecting the exchange students?

Eventually, Leviathan warms up to you. Whenever you come to his room to hangout or for him to babysit you, he has snacks and juice for you. You both have a blast just playing some kid-friendly games while listening to some anime intros.

During one of these babysitting adventures, he asks you about the spheres you keep checking up on. He’s seen something similar in a children’s anime, but he just wanted to make sure. You happily explained what Pokémon are and how they are utilized in battle. He was surprised about the battle part because these fights could potentially be life-threatening with the abilities of the Pokémon.

You go on and give an example of such a battle, more specifically the ones where you were going against Team Rocket. He definitely felt anger bubble up when you told him about how they tried to steal you and your friend Ash’s Pokémon on many different occasions. He was very mad, now. How could grown adults have the audacity to steal Pokémon?!

Satan

Found you quite intriguing, and amusing because it’s not everyday that you see a 10 year old human in the Devildom. He already has so many plans to prank Lucifer, and you are gonna be the bait in the situation… with your consent obviously.

He does feel genuinely sorry because you are a 10 year old human in hell. You had a pure soul as well, so that made things way worse. On his worst days he feels the temptation, so he can’t imagine how scared you must be.

He will always invite you into his room to read. If you need it, he’ll even read you a bedtime story to help you sleep. It’s adorable and flattering that you trust him at your most vulnerable state. It makes him realize that he is so much more than just Wrath.

He does notice the spheres you keep in your room. He’s asked you about them a few times, but the one time you give him an actual answer you tell him that they are your Pokémon. He just stands there until you go more in depth. You tell him about the battles you constantly go through just to become the Champion of all the regions and he is astonished.

You also go further and tell him about Team Rocket and how they constantly go after you and your friend Ash whenever you’re on your way to another Gym Trainer. Satan was unbelievably angry that you had to go through something like that at such a young age. How dare they try and hurt you?! They will be personally answering to Lord Diavolo as well as the Avatars of Sin.

Asmodeus

Oh, you’re so adorable to him~ He will absolutely try to steal you away from the idiotic brother that Mammon is because you don’t need to be influenced by him. Instead, come hang out with big brother Asmo!

He would gladly listen to any issues you need to rant to him about because he knows all about bottling up emotions and how it takes a toll. It’s better not to start that habit. He will have tissues on hand as he wipes away your tears.

He would absolutely love dressing you up! The first part of feeling good is looking good, or at least that’s how he lives his life. He would give you trendy outfits (that you are comfortable with) and he would definitely take you out shopping.

At one point, a demon child was taunting you for being human and being weak, so you brought out your Pokémon. You had a full on battle with this kid and one. Asmo knows he shouldn’t be condoning this behavior, but damn did he feel proud. But wait, you never told him about your Pokémon.

You tell him how you managed to befriend each and everyone one that was in the pokeballs you had and how you teamed up with Ash Ketchum to help each other get stronger. While going off on a tangent, you let out your stories with Team Rocket and Asmo is very close to dialing up God and telling Him that His creation malfunctioned again.

Beelzebub

He most definitely loves you like a younger sibling. I feel like he would be great with kids, and we can see that with how he treats Luke. You both share an unbreakable bond and it’s only been 5 minutes since you appeared.

He’s always happy to see you in the stands whenever he has a game. Sure, there are a bunch of other people and maybe a few cheerleaders, but it doesn’t stop him from always looking for you and the bright smile you always have when cheering him on.

He’s the type to always bring you to the kitchen to get some snacks and jokingly ask you to keep it a secret between just the two of you. He would also wipe some whipped cream on your nose to get you to laugh.

It was during one of these midnight kitchen raids where you told him about your life back in the Human Realm. You showed him one of the Pokeballs that you keep with you in case you were attacked and told him the story of befriending it and having it join your team.

He asks you if you’ve ever had to use your Pokémon in battle and you nod your head, telling him about Team Rocket. You’ve never seen such an angry face, but as you go on about all the crap they put you through, his face gets angrier and angrier. He wants so bad to go to the Human Realm and beat those guys to a pulp, but he knows that it would cause you a lot of stress if he did. You are his first priority.

Belphegor

Even though he is portrayed as mean and murderous, he still has a heart. You are a child, and so were they at one point. He’d act indifferent towards you. He doesn’t hate you, but that doesn’t mean you’re his favorite person in the whole world.

He has never seen a child so down to nap, though. Half the time when you’re not at school, you’re asleep. Now you’re speaking his language, Y/N! He will make sure that you don’t get cold by covering you with a blanket.

He does warm up to you and will eventually ask if you want to use his pillow sometimes. This is a very high honor, Y/N. Don’t mess this up, because he’s letting you use his most prized and valued possession.

During one of these napping sessions, he can feel you moving around a lot. He uses his power to see your dream and he sees you with a bunch of animal-looking things going against a lady with pink hair, a guy with purple hair, and a talking cat.

He wakes you up and asks about it. You explain that it was a nightmare of one of your many battles against Team Rocket because they stumbled across you and your friend. They saw how powerful your friend’s Pikachu was and decided to attack the both of you. As you went on, Belphie pulled you close and slowly lulled you back to sleep using his powers. He told Lucifer about it (which means he’s very serious), and went right back to the spot next to you to watch over you in case you had another nightmare.

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ladykailitha · 1 year

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Little Runaway Part 7

Oh my god you guys, seriously you all are amazing. I am really loving the reactions to this story. There is just one more part to go and it’s a sweet little epilogue. This is the showdown. The moment you’ve all been waiting for.

Also if you asked to be tagged after the limit of twenty, I’m sorry. I have the limit for a reason. I’m not doing it because I’m being elitist or whatever, my poor little ADHD brain starts getting frustrated and wanting to cry just doing the 20 I’ve got, but I do it because it makes me happy people want to be informed the next time a part goes up. I don’t know how people with dozens do it.

Plus tagging adds more time putting up the parts. Something that would take five minutes on AO3 (because they keep track of all the chapters for you) could take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how many parts there are, and how many have been put up (I go and crosslink on EVERY part to make sure if a part in the middle gets found in the wild all by its lonesome the person can read the previous and subsequent parts). Add tagging to that and you can see the time starts to really add up.

Again thank you for all the love and support this little story has gotten. The last part will be up tonight after I eat dinner and then (cold permitting) I’ll put up the first part of Ser Stephan of Harring’s Town before I go to bed.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Eddie walked into the police station and right up to Hopper’s desk. He leaned on it with both hands and stared directly into Hopper’s eyes.

“I need you to arrest me,” he bit out. “Now.”

“What the hell?” Hopper asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Mr Harrington knows I know where Steve is,” he breathed. “I can’t let him get to me to get to Steve. If you need a reason, I have two baggies of weed in my jacket pocket. Please. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

Hopper gulped. “Well there is a rumor you kidnapped him, so...”

Eddie nodded and held out his hands together at the wrist. “Save him, please.”

Steve was sitting on the sofa reading when Wayne came home from work.

“Where’s Eddie?” he asked on his way to the fridge.

Steve shrugged. “He just said he had errands to run.”

Wayne came back with two beers and handed one to Steve. Steve swung his feet off the sofa to let Wayne sit down. Steve set the book down and popped the lid off his bottle and then did the same for Wayne’s when the older man raised an eyebrow.

“Neat trick,” Wayne said, taking a swig.

Steve shrugged. “Turns out years of baseball, basketball, and swimming make you a strong person. I don’t do those things anymore, but I keep working out to keep that strength up.”

“That how you were able to break Clint’s nose?” Wayne asked.

“Yeah,” Steve murmured. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know how much to hold back when punching, because when I hit most of the time there is no holding back.”

“What have you got to be hitting that needs to be hit that hard, boy?” he asked.

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t tell you. I can get into a lot of trouble if I tell people. The only ones that know are the ones that have seen it for themselves. But I have seen things that have made grown men shit their pants. I have been hunted by things that would haunt the nightmares of the hardest of souls. I have been actually tortured and drugged. And yet face to face with my own father and I chickened out like a bitch.”

Wayne stared at the boy that should have had the dream life. Rich parents, everything he could have asked for. But instead nothing but heartache and loss for this kid. Because despite Steve almost being twenty, he was still a kid.

He put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and was about to say something when the phone rang. He frowned and got up to answer it.

As he said hello, a curly haired teenager in a trucker hat came barreling through his front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled. “Someone at Hellfire snitched and your dad is on his way here.”

Steve worked to calm Dustin while Wayne listened to the other person on the other end of the line, making the appropriate noises. Then he hung up.

“You must be Dustin,” Wayne said coming back over to the sofa.

Dustin looked over at Wayne as if he was seeing him for the first time. “Oh. Yeah. Um...sorry. For barging in like that, but I really needed to see Steve.”

Wayne chuckled. “Don’t worry, your friend here is going to be just fine.” He cocked his head to the side. “How did you get here so fast? I just barely got the call myself what was going down.”

“My mom drove me,” Dustin said, staring at the floor.

“Claudia is here?” Wayne asked. Dustin nodded. “Good. The more the merrier.” He turned to Steve. “Under the sink, behind the Draino is your bag. It’ll be up to you to decide what you want to do with it.”

Steve nodded.

Wayne walked outside.

There standing in a semi-circle was Claudia Henderson, Joyce Byers, and Sheriff Jim Hopper. Standing off to the side, was Eddie who was hugging his ribs. Wayne joined the semi-circle just as Clint Harrington pulled up to the trailer park and got out of his car.

“Sheriff!” Clint yelled. “I want that man arrested for kidnapping my son!” He pointed angrily at Eddie, who looked down.

“I don’t know about that,” Wayne said. “Hey, Steve! You being held against your will?”

Dustin and Steve came out of the trailer slowly, the backpack slung over one shoulder.

“No, sir,” Steve said, looking his father in the eye. “I am not.”

“Liar!” Clint bellowed. “Don’t you be believing a word out of his mouth. He’s been brainwashed.”

“No I haven’t,” Steve said, feeling a little bit more bold knowing he had people who would protect him.

“You leave that boy alone,” Joyce said. “He’s gone through enough.”

Claudia crossed her arms. “Agreed.”

“You better get out of my way,” Clint growled.

Hopped pulled out a piece of paper and held it up. “This here is a warrant for your arrest for the assault of Steven Harrington.”

Clint laughed. “You can’t prove a god damn thing.”

“Actually we can,” Hopper continued. “Steve was smart enough to take pictures after your little tussle and the bruises will match up with your ring.”

Clint went to work it off his finger, but Wayne stepped up to stop him. “I think I’ll be taking that for the Sheriff if you don’t mind.”

Clint growled, but handed it over. He walked back over to Hopper who was holding a baggy for Wayne to drop it into. Hopper sealed the bag and stuck it in his pocket.

“What do you say, Steve?” Hopper called over his shoulder. “Should we lock up this bastard and throw away the key?”

Steve held out his hand to Eddie. Eddie looked at it, unsure and then came over to take it. Steve pressed his forehead to Eddie’s. “What do you think I should do?”

Eddie cupped Steve’s face with his free hand. “You know what to do. You’re a good person, Steve. Do what feels right.”

“You fag, get away from my son!” Clint shouted. He tried to push past the four adults, but they closed ranks and wouldn’t let him through.

Steve breathed in.

“You’ve got this, baby,” Eddie assured him.

Steve nodded. He stepped away from Eddie and tossed the backpack at his dad. “Everything you want is in there. Just take it and leave. Know this. If I or any of my friends see you in Hawkins ever again, the Sheriff will arrest you.”

Hopper grinned. “I like that plan.”

“I’ll cut you off!” Clint snarled. “You’ll be penniless and homeless without me, you ingrate!”

Steve laughed. “I could stay at any number of these fine people’s houses and be welcome for as long as I needed. And as for penniless? I’ve already got a job lined up that I think will make me very happy. And maybe if I’m lucky, a boy who loves me.” He turned to Eddie, who was blushing deep.

Wayne chuckled. “You heard the man, Clint. Get the hell out of Dodge and stay the fuck away from my boys.”

Clint growled and stalked off to his car, the tires peeling out on the gravel as he tore out of the trailer pack as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Steve shook his head. “Doesn’t he know that’s bad for his tires?”

Everyone turned to look at Steve in shock and amazement before bursting into laughter.

Claudia took Dustin home and Hopper took Joyce, leaving Steve with the Munsons.

“Is it over?” Eddie asked.

“I’d give Clint a couple days to clear out,” Wayne said. “But yeah. I think it’s over.”

“Does this mean I can stay?” Steve asked, looking up through his lashes.

Wayne rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I was thinking of upgrading to a double wide with two bedrooms. I think we could just about afford it if you help pay rent.”

Steve lit up and turned to Eddie. “You hear that? You’re stuck with me now.”

Eddie smiled and leaned in. “I think it’s the other way round. You’re stuck here with me.”

Steve smiled softly. “And I couldn’t be happier.”

Epilogue

Tag List: @tauntedperfume @marivictal @eddiemunsonswife @namelessssho @dbquills @goodolefashionedloverboi @steve-the-hairrington @sadcanadianwinter @yearningagain @books-are-my-life-since-1996 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @homohomohoe @knightofthieves @flusteredcas @moonage-daydreaming @goblin-eddie @marvelousforlife @silversnaffles @satan-is-obsessed @yikes-a-bee

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #gay steve harrington #abuse tw #ladykailtiha writes

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doughbrainer · 7 months

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*Wipes Sweat Off My Brow.* Well... They're Finally Done! I Don't Want To Stal, So LETS GET TO IT!

NATURE FAM DESIGNS!

Not Including Father Time, Because He's An Oc, Sorry. ;-; I'll Save Mother Nature For The End, Because She's Kind Of Complicated.

Also, I'll Split The Post Because I Don't Want This Post Taking Up People's Feed.

Keep Reading The NATURE FAM'S DESIGNS And HEADCANONS!

Starting With The ELDEST CHILD!

EARTHQUAKE - He/Him

762 cm - 25 ft (Voice Claim: Joe Garderner - Soul)

Earthquake Is The Oldest Child Of All Of The Nature Children, And Has No Biological Father. This Is Because He Was Born Through A Special Form Of Asexual Reproduction That All Gods Possess. Of Course, He Is The God Of Earthquakes, And In A Way, Represents Earthquakes As A Whole.

Earthquake Doesn't Get Very Angry Very Often, But When He Is, He Blows Up At People Around Him. When He Has His Moments Of Anger, He Is Very Apologetic. He Isn't Particularly Bossy But Is Very Stubborn. When He's Stressed, He Gets Stomach Pains, Which Sometimes Causes Earthquakes.

He's Married To Arsa, Who As Of Current, Isn't Seen A Lot By Others. Most Of The Nature Know About Her, And Have At Least Her Once At Earthquake's And Arsa's Wedding. Because Of Earthquake's Chosen Location Under The Earth For His Home, He And Arsa Aren't Seen Much All Year Round.

Because The Temperature Of His Home Changes So Frequently, He Often Chosen Not To Wear A Shirt As It's Easier Then Slipping In And Out Of It Throughout The Day.

According To Those That Have Met Him Only A Few Times, He's Hard Headed But Means Well.

NORTH WIND - He/Him

518 cm - 17 ft

North Wind Is The Second Child, And Older Twin To South Wind, And Is One Of The Biological Sons To Father Time. He's The God Of Tornadoes And Wind, And Controls The Wind In The North Sections Of The World, Sharing Partial Duties Of His Section With East And West.

Growing Up, He Was Shy And A Major Cry Baby, But As He Got Older, Circumstances Made Him Act More Like A Spoilt Child. He Often Tries To Make Himself The Center Of Attention, Which Often Doesn't Work. His Behaviour Only Changed After He Had A Period Of Time Away From His Family, But While He Still Has His Foul Attitude On The Outside, On The Inside, He's Still The Lonely Child He Was When He Was Younger.

When His Plans To Overtake Santa Claus Failed, And Was Therefore Grounded From His Responsibilities By His Mother, He Had A Lot Of Time To Think About Himself. His Mistakes And How His Actions Affected People. Yes, It Took A Few Hundred Years To Make Him Realise, But Eventually, He Decided It Was Time That He Pulled Himself Together. He Apologised To His Family, Especially His Brother's Snow Miser And Heat Miser, And To Anyone Else That He Felt Like He Was Rude Or Hurtful To. Although Not Everyone Accepted His Apology, He Knew This Was The Right Thing To Do.

He's Transgender, But Other Than His Family, Not Many People Know This.

People Usually Describe Him As A Brat, But He's Slowly Beginning To Grow On People In A Good Way.

SOUTH WIND - She/Her

318 cm - 10 ft (Voice Claim: Charlotte - Princess And The Frog)

South Wind Is The Third Oldest Child, And The Younger Twin To North Wind. She Is Also Another Child Of Father Time. She's A Goddess Of Dust Storms And Wind, Controlling Wind In The South Part Of The World, Sharing Partial Duties With East And West.

Compared To Her Twin Brother, She Was Much More Outgoing In Comparison, But Still Often Kept To Herself. She Will Lend A Helping Hand To Anyone If She's Asked, But As She's Gotten Older, She Usually Doesn't Tend To Reach Out That Often. Sometimes She Is A Troublemaker Though, Causing Inconvenience To Others At Random.

When It Comes To Her Love Life, She's A Hopeless Romantic, But Hasn't Actually Been In A Proper Relationship Yet. Not Because She Can't Get With Anything, But Primarily Because She Thinks There's More Important Things To Worry About. Sometimes She Uses Her Human Disguise And Goes Down To Where The Humans Are, Partaking In Common Things They Do, So She Tends To Have A Lot Of Stuff Made By And For Humans In Her House That She Also Uses.

She's Often Described As Fun To Be Around, And Life Of The Party.

LIGHTNING - She/Her

610 cm - 20 ft (Voice Claim: Poison Ivy - Harley Quinn Show)

Lightning Is The Fourth Oldest Child In The Line Up, And Just Like Earthquake, Also Doesn't Have A Biological Father The Exact Same Reasons. She Is Of Course A Goddess Of Lightning, And In A Way Represents It, But She Also A Goddess Of Midwifery And Childbirth. She Actually Went To A Human College And University To Learn All About The Topic Of The Secondary Duties.

She's Good To When It Comes To Reading The Room, Knowing When It's Time To Be Serious And When It's Alright To Have Fun. That's Why She's The Most Respected Of All Her Siblings. She Doesn't Have Any Bad Relationships With Anyone In Her Family Or Any Other Gods For A Matter Of A Fact.

She Has Two "Forms", The Other Where Body Glows And Lines Form Across Her Body Often Happens When She Is Using Her Powers, But It Only Happens When She's Doing Certain Stuff.

People Praise Her A Lot For What She Does, But In Reality, She's Not That Great With Handling Compliments Of Any Kind.

THUNDER - He/Him

256 cm - 8"5 ft (Voice Claim: Din - The Wish Dragon)

Thunder Is Fifth Oldest Child. He Too Has No Biological Father Like His Older Sister, Lightning, And His Older Brother, Earthquake. He Is A God Of Thunder, And Somewhat Represents It At The Same Time. He Also Is A God Of Fatigue.

He Usually Is "Sleeping On The Job" But When He Is Up And About, He Tends To Get On People's Nerve. He's Not Evil In The Slightest, Just Annoying, And Does Things Often For His Own Entertainment. Once He Sent A Cloud Soldier To Slay Newt, The God Of Neutral Colours, Just To See If Anything Would Happen. When His Angry Or Upset, This Can Sometimes Lead To Random Thunder Storms.

He Doesn't Try Too Hard To Make Himself Look Nice, Usually Wearing A Dressing Gown Robe And Shorts. He's More For Comfort Than Looks.

He's Considered The Laziest God Around.

HEAT MISER - He/Him

366cm - 12 ft

Heat Miser Is The Middle Child, And Is The Older Twin To Snow Miser. As Well As Another Child Of Father Time. He's The God Of All Things Hot, This Includes Fire, Volcanoes And Lava. Originally, Earthquake Was The God Of Volcanoes And Lava, But He Passed These Responsibilities Off To Heat Miser When Heat Miser Was Old Enough.

Because He's A God Of Heat Related Things, He Has Partial Control Of The Sun, And Even The Sun. Some People Just Consider A Solo God Of The Sun, And Although This Doesn't Bother Him, It Does Undermine His Abilities A Tad Bit. He's Very Quick To Anger, And It Doesn't Take A Lot To Set Him Off. The Few Things That Are Able To Calm Him Down Are Edward, And Occasionally His Minions. His Hair Grows Brighter The More Emotional He Is, Which Tends To Happen A Lot As Heat Miser Is Very Moody.

Although Heat Miser Wouldn't Call Himself Much Of A Romantic, As Of Current, He Is A Lover To The Mortal Man, Edward Light. He's Practically Infatuated With Him, And Would Be Distraught If Anything Ever Happened To Edward. He Tends To Treat His Minions Like Children, Even Though It's Completely Unintentional. He Doesn't Like To Admit It.

He's Basically Hot Headed Nerd With A Gentle Soul.

SNOW MISER - He/Him

427 cm - 14 ft

Snow Miser Is The Fifth Youngest Child In The Nature Family, And Is The Younger Twin To Heat Miser, And A Child Of Father Time. He's A God Of All Things Cold, And Therefore A God Of Snow, Ice, Winter And So On. North Wind Use To Be A God Of Snow And Winter, But When Snow Miser Was Born, Those Responsibilities Were Taken Away From Him And Passed To Snow Miser.

Like His Twin Brother, He Has Some Partial Control Of The Night Time And Also The Moon. Some People Simplify Him To A God Of Just Night, Which Really Annoys Him.

When He Was Younger, He Didn't Care Much For Drama With His Brother, But As He Got Older And Certain Things Became More Prized Between Them, Snow Miser Took It On And Made It His Mission To Be Better Than His Twin Brother In Every Way There Is Possible. He's Had A Few Relationships In The Past, But Overall, He's Generally A Slag Compared To Everyone Else, And Isn't Prudish In The Slightest.

With Him Making Everything Into A Competiton With Heat Miser, It Often Leads Him To Forget To Take Care Of Himself. He Only Seems To Be A Meanie When Heat Miser Is Around, But When Heat Miser Isn't Near Or Snow Miser Is In The Comfort Of His Own Home, He's The Kindest Person Most People Say They Have Ever Met. Although Snow Miser Doesn't Like To Admit It, He Has A Lot Of Love That He Wants Share.

Overall, He Comes Off As A Major Drama Queen, But Really He's A Major Weenie With A Big Heart.

EAST WIND - She/Her

518cm - 17 ft (Voice Claim: Harley Quinn - Birds Of Prey)

East Wind Is The 4th Youngest, And The Older Twin To West Wind, And Is Another Child Of Father Time. She Is A God Of Floods And Wind, Primarily Controlling The Winds In The East Section Of The World, Sharing Partial Duties With North And South.

She Has A Very Bubbly Personality, And Loves Being Around People. Working Best In Environments With Other People. Although She Does Like Alone Time Every Now And Then, And Sometimes Even A Break. She Tries Not To Work Too Hard, Finding Fun In Everything. She Does Her To Be Loving And Sympathetic.

She Love Animals Of All Kind, But Funnily Enough, Is Scared Of Birds. Doing Her Best To Stay As Far Away From Them As She Can. Sometimes, She Goes With Her Sister, South, Down To Where The Humans Are.

She's Kind Of A Dits But Tries To Fit In.

WEST WIND - She/They

152 cm - 5 ft (Voice Claim: Megara - Hercules)

West Wind Is The Third Youngest, And The Younger Twin To East Wind, Again, Another Child Of Father Time. She Is A God Of Wind As Well, Controlling The Winds In The West For The Most Part, But Shares Duties With North And South. Unlike The Other Winds, West Is Not Also A God Of A Natural Disaster, Instead Being A God Of The Seasons Autumn And Spring.

She's Really Laid Back Compared To Their Twin Sister, But Isn't Lazy. Of Course She Does Her Job. She Has An Attitude Of Where She'll Do Whatever She Wants, And She Won't Care What Happens Afterward, Unless Someone Gets Hurt. Growing Up, She Was Teased For Her Height A Lot, And Usually Insults Would Send Her Into A Freak Out, But As She Got Older, She Shrugged Off Mentions Of Her Natural Height. As She Realised It Was Only A Big Deal To Those Who Don't Know Them.

She's Stronger Than They Look, And If She Caught Someone Making Fun Of Her Siblings, She'd Definitely Send A Plate With A Knuckle Sandwich. She Can Control Her Emotions Really Well, But Doesn't Like To Leave Her House Much.

She Just Prefers To Be By Herself Most Of The Time.

HIGH TIDE - He/Him

214 cm - 7 ft (Voice Claim: Demoman - Team Fortress 2)

High Tide Is The Second Youngest Child, And The Older Twin To Low Tide, And A Child Of Father Time. He's A God Of The Tides And The Deep Sea, And Primarily Controls The High Tides.

He's Very Serious About His Work, And Makes Sure Everything He Does Is Perfect. He's Often Shirtless, As He Finds It Easier To Breath Through His Gils Instead Of His Nose Or Mouth. His Hair When He's Above The Water Usually Goes Down Like Regular Hair, But Under Water, It's Rises Up. High And Low Have Squishy Bodies, Somewhat Like Rubber And Gummies Mixed Together, And They Both Wear Matching Pearls.

He's Very Protective Of Low Tide, But Also Has The Most Arguments With Him. Eventually Of The Arguments With His Brother Is What Leads Him To Somehow Get Separated From Low, And Therefore The Rest Of His Family. The Only Thing He Has To Remind Himself Of Them Is The Pearls He Wears On His Wrist.

He's Not Angry Persey, More So Easily Irritated.

LOW TIDE - He/They

212 cm - 7 ft (Voice Claim: Nanette - Gnomeo And Juliet)

Low Tide Is The Youngest Child In The Nature Family, The Younger Twin To His Older Brother, High Tide, And The Last Child Of Father Time. He's A God Of The Tides And Shallow Sea, Often Controlling The Low Tides.

They're A Bit More Goofy In Comparison To High Tide, And Like His Sister East Wind, Try To Find The Fun In Everything. He's Naive About A Lot Of Stuff, And This Leads Others To Be Very Protective Over Them, Especially High Tide, But They Often Get Into The Most Arguments With High Tide. Low Tide, Despite Being AMAB, Is Often Mistaken For A Girl, Due To His Appearance And Voice. He's Hair, No Matter What Environment, Always Flows Down, And He Wears Pearls Around Their Neck That Matches With Their Brother.

After An Argument One Day, High Tide Left The Cave They Shared With Low Tide, And Never Returned. Low Tide Felt Responsible For High's Sudden Disappearance, And In His Brother's Absence, He Took Control Of Both The High And Low Tides.

He's Very Cautious Now, And Tries Not To Get In People's Way.

And Now It's Time For The Lady Herself.

MOTHER NATURE - She/They

244 cm - 8 ft

Mother Nature Is A Little Complicated, Not A Lot, But A Little. Of Course We Know She's The Mother Of All The Children Of The Nature Family, And The God Of ALL Nature, And Representing All Of It.

She's Moody, And Sometimes Her Emotions Are Out Of Control, But She Tries Her Best To Be A Good Person. She's An Original God, And Has No Parents, She Just Came Into Existence Eventually At Random. The Form She Usually Takes Is Of Something That Looks Like A Green Satyr, But She Has Endless Shapeshifting Abilities, And Can Take Whatever Shape Or Form She Pleases, So This Is Not Her Only Form, But It's The Same Form They Spawned Into The Universe As.

All Her Children Have The Ability To Turn Into Animals, Have A Human Disguise, And Can Change Their Height If Necessary In The Moment, But None Of Children Can Shapeshift The Same Way She Can.

Although Her And Father Time Were Together At Some Point, They No Longer Consider Each Other Partners, And Nature For The Most Part Appears To Be Solo For Now. She Mainly Sees The Children At The Yearly Meeting, But If She Ever Wants To Check Up On Them, She Gets Others To Do It For Her.

She Loves All Of Her Children, But It's Obvious That She Favours Some Of Her Children More Over Others.

...

And That's All Of The Canon Nature/Miser Fam!

Gosh, Designing All Of These Guys Was A Pain In The But, I've Never Had To Do So Many Designs Back To Back Before. But This Was Also Pretty Fun! I Enjoyed Updating Designs Where I Thought It Was Needed, But Also Created Designs For Others I Haven't Drawn Yet. I Debated Drawing Mother Nature, But I Decided To Do Her Anyways, As She's Literally The Mother Of All Of Them, And It Would Just Be Unfair. I'm Really Proud Of How They All Came Out, Especially The Miser Brothers. I'm Going To Give Some Credit To @generalfebruary / @generalfebruary-rankinbassart As Their Designs Of The Miser Fam Did Inspire My Own, Especially Lightning's Design.

There Is Some Info That I Want To Save For My Miser Fam Ask Blog @miser-fam-stressful-seasons But This Basically Covers A Majority Of It. It Might Be A While Before I Do Any References Like This Again, But When I Do, It Will Definitely Be For OCs.

I Apologize For The Long Post, And I'm Sorry If This Ends Up Taking Up A Majority Of People's Tumblr Feeds, But I'm Really Happy To Finally Have This Done. Now It's Time To Finally Answer Some Newly Received Asks I Got On My Ask Blog! Until Next Time Everybody.

Minion References

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attackfish · 1 year

Note

What are your headcanons for an AU in which Mai is Iroh's daughter?

1. So the first thing I have to do when constructing an au like this is determine what would be the default that this AU is deviating from, and from anon we know very little about Iroh's family. We know he has a son, lieuten, who is roughly 10 years older than his brother's oldest child, Zuko, and we can surmise from this that he must have had a female companion at some point. Since we don't ever see ozai questioning his nephew's legitimacy, and we all know he would, we can surmise that Lu Ten's mother was Iroh's wife. We also know that she has vanished before Zuko was around ten, and probably in fact disappeared before he was born, or at least while he was a very young child.

My sort of pet theory is that both Ozai and Lu Ten's births resulted in their mother's deaths, and I have in fact had some fun exploring how this particular parallel, and how Ozai, being the unfavorite because his father holds him responsible for killing a much-loved wife, might have feelings about Lu Ten, growing up the apple of his father's eye. But anyway, that can't really happen in this AU, or it could but it would involve a lot of extra complication of Iroh remarrying, and who would his new wife be. So instead, that place is taken by Mai. Mai's birth results in her mother's death. And much like Ozai, she is the younger child, with a significant gap whose birth killed her mother.

2. Mai is born the younger child of Iroh, crown prince of the Fire Nation. The pregnancy had been a surprise, after many years of they're only ever having been Lu Ten. Iroh and his wife went from shock to joy to anticipation, to relieve and joy at Mai's birth, and then a few days after the birth, fear, as the wife of the Crown Prince grew sick with childbed fever, and then, when her death left him alone, Iroh mourned. But Iroh is not alone in his grief. His father went through the same thing many years ago, and of course his eleven year old son grieves for his mother. But Iroh feels almost guilty for how little he mourns. His wife was a good wife and a good woman, but their match was arranged and they were always more friends and partners than lovers, and he misses her, but the grief never threatens to overwhelm him as it did his father all those years ago. And he loves his daughter very much.

3. Little Princess Mai grows up with a father and brother who love her very much, a grandfather who ignores her, an uncle whose lip curls whenever he sees her, and an aunt who warmly welcomes her to play with her own children, the other little prince and princess. It's a warm little jewel of a childhood, safe and happy. But then one day her father goes off to war and takes her brother with him. She is seven years old, and though she doesn't quite realize it yet, nothing will ever be the same again. She has seen her older brother for the last time, and when her father comes back he will be a different man.

4. Iroh held off going to war again after his daughter was born, but she's old enough now to go to school, to the Royal Fire Nation Academy for Girls, and her cousin is going with her, and the time has come he thinks, to go to war. So he leaves his daughter in the care of his father and his brother and his brother's wife, and her teachers and her friends, and goes off to conquer Ba Sing Se. And at first, Mai thinks that this might be okay. The first thing that happens when she goes to school, is that she meets another girl and makes friends with her. This is the first friend she's ever made.

5. But without Iroh there, with Azulon paying no attention to his Royal grandchildren at court, with only Ozai and Ursa watching over them, Azula starts to come into her own, and Mai soon finds her new friend stolen away from her.

#avatar the last airbender #atla mai #uncle iroh #Lu ten #azula #posts i created #do you want to ask a question it doesn't have to be a question #five headcanons #i ship iroh/tea #azula needs her own warning #brave soldier boy doesn't come marching home #mai doesn't hate you

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louisupdates · 1 year

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DMA'S praise 'amazing' Louis Tomlinson: "He's really cool, we respect him a lot"

Louis previously cited DMA'S as a heavy influence on his second solo album Faith in the Future

OFFICIAL CHARTS

By Carl Smith | 5 April 2023

When we spoke to Louis Tomlinson ahead of the release of his Number 1 album Faith in the Future last year, he couldn't have been more complimentary about collaborators DMA'S.

The Sydney rock three-piece - comprising Johnny Took, Tommy O'Dell and Matt Mason - inspired tracks like All This Time on Louis' second solo record after striking up a relationship with the One Direction star back in 2019; and the band would 'love' to see a team-up soon.

Chatting exclusively to Official Charts around the release of their brand-new LP How Many Dreams?, DMA'S guitarist Johnny explains how Louis influenced a track on their 2020 album THE GLOW.

"We got in the studio with Louis the first time we met him," says Johnny. "We sat around playing music; we played him some tracks off THE GLOW and played him the demo of Cobracaine.

"He’s obviously got a really great ear for pop music – and music in general – and he was like ‘maybe you should get to the chorus quicker.’ Just a little comment like that really helped. It was a good call, as a structural thing. We thought ‘yeah, we should get to the chorus quicker,’ and it ended up sticking."

When we tell him we admire DMA'S openness to working with an artist like Louis where many rock bands might have pre-judged his pop beginnings, Johnny explains: "When you’ve reached the heights that Louis’ reached, you’d have to be a little bit ignorant or naïve not to realise how much amazing stuff he’s picked up along the way. That’s my favourite thing.

"If I get into the studio with somebody who’s 10 years younger or 10 years older than me, I learn something new every time. That’s the great thing about any musicians getting together in a room; you just start talking and discover things through that discussion.

"Louis’ an amazing guy. He put me on the door for his gig in Melbourne, and I went backstage. We’d just played that same venue a few months before, and it was great to see him in Sydney. He’s just such a good guy. I love the way he champions young musicians. I really respect that.

"Louis’ really cool, I don’t have a bad word to say about that guy. He’s an amazing songwriter, too."

And Louis isn't the only 1D lad to have impressed Johnny and his DMA'S bandmates. Liam Payne's also an artist the group admire.

"It was the same when I first met Liam," says Johnny. "He was the same as Louis; they’re these guys that are up on this level, but they love guitar music and music in general. They’re open to championing young bands, those bands that are smaller than them, and lifting them up. They’re passionate about the music and that’s what it’s all about; everyone lifting everyone up."

[The above text has been edited.]

“It was the same when I first met Liam Gallagher," says Johnny. "He was the same as Louis; they’re these guys that are up on this level, but they love guitar music and music in general. They’re open to championing young bands, those bands that are smaller than them, and lifting them up. They’re passionate about the music and that’s what it’s all about; everyone lifting everyone up."

So we can see a DMA'S and Louis collab at some point, right?

"I’d love to," beams Johnny. "That’d be awesome."

Speaking to Official Charts about his admiration of the Aussie trio last year, Louis said: "I loved DMA’s last album THE GLOW, which Stuart Price produced. That has dance elements in it but was done in a really authentic way.

"It doesn’t feel remotely contrived or like a f**king made-for-radio pop-dance hybrid. That was really food for thought for me throughout the process.

"They’re amazing. I’ve been lucky enough to meet them a few times. Johnny [Took] came to one of my shows in Australia. They’re just really f**king lovely lads, great blokes. They’re an amazing live band."

Catch DMA'S performing at Y Not? Festival in Pikehall, Derbyshire this July.

DMA'S new album How Many Dreams? is out now via I OH YOU/MUSHROOM GROUP.

[Johnny Took and Louis Tomlinson in Melbourne, 26.7.22]

#louis press #the dmas #dmas #louis tomlinson #5.4.23 #official charts #carl smith

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hecckyeah · 1 year

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Hey! I’m super enjoying your pro-Joey Friends phase. It was my favorite show for a long time.

You had a GREAT post about how that relationship really grew and matured both Joey and Rachel’s characters, and I want to add that the fizzling of that relationship also DESTROYED Joey’s character.

Joey finally falling in love - real love - with Rachel made him see the hollow/shallow reality of his womanizing ways. His parents’ dysfunctional marriage really affected him early on in the series, and I head canon that he felt safe with Rachel. They developed that trust from living together. She was a person he’d never tire of the way that his father tired of his mother and sought out someone else.

When things didn’t work out with Rachel, the writers infantalized him. For laughs. Monica and Chandler joked that they’d have to have a room for him at their new house so they could take care of him forever because he couldn’t take care of himself. A grown man. Who had a good job and lived on his own since his 20’s.

If anyone should’ve been stuck in neutral forever, it was Ross. He was self-destructive from the start (Carol destroyed him and he never got over it and kept hurting other people because of it) and it would’ve been so satisfying to see him just stay in NY and raise his son and be a confirmed old bachelor. He had the temperament for being alone.

Oh! And one more thing: Joey was the first one to step up and offer to be committed to Rachel to help her raise Emma, and even tho Rachel turned him down, he ended up doing it anyway because Ross drove her away.

Anyway, I haven’t thought about all of this in a long time! But it’s been a lot of fun to read your takes and analysis. ☺️

Hi!!

Okay oh my gosh YES to all of this. OH the essays I could write.

I actually went through this exact same phase many years ago, and hadn't watched Friends in a while, so now just speeding through the entire series in a couple months, it's really giving me a different perspective than I had the first time. I'm also quite a bit older (you know how people change so much from late teen years to early twenties? It's crazy) and I have a different frame of reference for all the issues these characters deal with, since a lot of them have become my own issues now. There's so much nuance I didn't pick up on the first time around.

You are so right about Joey's character deteriorating after season 9. It's like the writers didn't know what to do with him except continuing his infamous saga of being an immature, stupid womanizer. He has no character development in season 10. Nothing pushing him ahead, nothing to look forward to like the other 5. Monica and Chandler having their babies and moving, of course, Rachel getting the Paris job offer, Phoebe and Mike getting married. What's in all this for Joey? Jokes about him being possessive of food and regressing back to how he was five or six seasons ago.

Infantilizing is absolutely the perfect word. Of all the friends, I would say Joey had the biggest development in the shortest amount of time, with Rachel right there with him. He was immediately ready to step up when she told him she was pregnant, without giving it any kind of second thought. In fact, he begged her to stay and live with him when she was so sure he would hate the idea. He was there with her at every turn, when she was scared about the braxton hicks, when she had so much anxiety about being a single mom, and especially when she missed going on dates and he made the perfect pseudo-boyfriend.

He absolutely felt safe with her, probably more than anyone he'd ever known. They're so similar in so many ways and he'd been living with her for years. Rachel couldn't even live with Ross for a year, or probably less (the timeline isn't super clear, let's be honest lol). She and Joey finally fell into this relationship built on an incredible foundation of trust and friendship (just like two other friends we all know and love), but they broke up because......???? of Ross? Or something? They were so perfect for each other, the writers had to bumble their way through a breakup in the weirdest way possible.

And then how do they treat Joey in season 10? Like he's the dumbest person who's ever existed. I get that he's not the sharpest crayon in the box, but they play up the stupid factor by about a thousand, and it's infuriating. I've always said he's the emotionally intelligent one of the group, but not even that is really shown in season 10. He flunks at the Pyramid game, he doesn't realize he's not speaking French, digs are made at his character, like you said with Monica and Chandler having a "Joey room" in their house. Sweet idea, horrible insinuation.

I mean, the man is in his mid-thirties. He's been through more life than Ross, for sure. I specifically remember watching that episode recently with Joey's parents and thinking how mature he was, how protective of his mom. And how angry he was at his dad, and insistent that he make things right with Ma. He's had to fight tooth and nail for a place in the world of showbusiness. He's had to watch all his friends find love and settle down and get everything they've ever wanted, while he's been in love exactly once in his entire life. He's grown and matured and when his best friend was pregnant, he realized that he actually wants to settle down and have a family. I mean, what level of growth and maturity does it take to realize that?

In earlier seasons, his demeanor was totally different. I don't even recognize season 10 Joey. They had to kill his very essence to explain their breakup.

And yeah, like you said. I think they wrote Ross into a storyline that -- if we're being realistic -- can only end with him being a bachelor and working at the university. He's never been able to live with anyone. He was a terrible roommate for Joey and Chandler, and he and Rachel couldn't last. Not only is he self-destructive, but he's destructive to everyone around him.

What kind of world do we live in where Joey "my god, she is... beautiful" Tribbiani doesn't get a happy ending, and Ross "we were on a break" Geller does??

Anyway, there's the essay for the day. My mind kind of ran away with me and I probably have more to say and maybe I'll organize my thoughts someday, but I'm watching season 10 as we speak and I'm just so. so sad. about how it all turned out. But I'll just live in AO3 Land and pretend Rachel and Joey raise their little family and grow old together and Ross stagnates and continues his precious tenure.

#asks #omg i am so sorry for the multi-paragraph ramble #thank you for the ask!!! I'm so glad I'm not the crazy one around here lmao #friends tv #anti ross geller #joey tribbiani #rachel green

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notquitejiraiya · 8 months

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8 YEARS

Last year, I wrote my first yearly recap after having been inspired by a tradition set by the wonderful @unioncolours each year. That recap contained an array of fics and thoughts and inspirations after the insane year for me that was 2022. It was a huge year for me in terms of many things. Shortly after my last recap, I got a master’s degree and officially became an engineer, something that honestly spurred on my creative drive. While studying for that degree, I had my coolest year of writing in a while: as you know from the last recap, if you read it, I wrote 9/10, Love Means Nothing (which, yes, will be finished in time, don’t worry), and most importantly, I wrote Strangers.

Most importantly, I say, because the entirety of 2023 would ultimately hinge upon what Strangers began. But that is something we’ll come to in time.

Be warned, this will be long, but if you'd like to read about my last year, please do keep reading below :)

Before we begin with the majority of this essay, I wanna give a shoutout to the lost soul of the year that is Traditions. It wasn’t long and it wasn’t hugely exciting, but it kickstarted this year in terms of fic posting, even if only on Tumblr, and it was a cute one. I always love a little challenge like those from a gift exchange, and it’s always nice to give a gift. I hope it was nice to read, too!

But, starting on the meaty stuff, I think it’s important that I address the two constants throughout the history of this blog. The first, which comes as no surprise to any, is ShikaTema: the most important ship to ever exist, to me, and the heart of some of the most wonderful experiences I’ve had throughout my fandom life. The second constant is a topic explored in a lot of Shikamaru-based content across the fandom and one that I will never tire of.

That second constant is chess.

The game of chess is something very special to me. The first day I met my partner, we played chess against one another for hours (and I lost - the only time he’s beaten me, actually). My best friend, who introduced us that day, gave me a rook keyring that I have kept on my house keys ever since, whether I’ve lived in my home town, another city, or now even in another country entirely. My favourite musical - one of the things I connect to my father best with - centres around chess, its politics, and its capacity for obsession. And probably the most important fic on this blog to date obviously takes its name from the game.

I have no doubt that most people who follow me, especially those of you here on Tumblr, discovered my writing as a result of Chess, either by reading it or maybe through the incredible art which that fic was lucky enough to receive. It was so special and personal to me to write, and while it’s certainly no longer my best work as an author, I’m still immensely proud and pleased with how it resonated with people. I think, so far, it is the most beloved thing I’ve written, at least to others.

But something that always bothered me about Chess was how little chess there actually was in it. Sure, there were a couple of scenes where chess was played, but there was more flower arranging and fish and chips than there was time sitting across a chessboard. It felt almost like a wasted opportunity to write about Shikamaru being a chess whizz and doing next to nothing with the skill. I couldn’t let the idea die. In many of my older stories — Tumblr-only stories — Shikamaru plays chess (or shogi) or inspires Shikadai or Temari to do the same. But nowadays, it feels like it has all been leading up to right now and to the monster that 2023 has birthed.

When I came to write Strangers in 2022, an idea came to me as just a little easter egg. That idea was that, in the Strangers universe, Temari’s husband would be a world-class chess player, and she, too, would have an equally worldwide job. It sort of naturally followed that Temari, too, could be a chess player; what she might lack in terms of natural strategic prowess, she more than makes up for in drive and ruthlessness, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about chess players in my life, it’s that they hate to lose. Temari 101, methinks. As I made my way through writing Strangers, that fact nipped at my brain tirelessly until, before I knew it, I had a 30k outline and, by association, a goal for what 2023 would be for me as a writer.

2023 would be the year of Grandmaster.

I’ve always been more of a character writer than a plot writer. I think perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’m drawn to writing AUs over canon works; to me, while writing, it’s more interesting to explore how an existing character would behave in a totally alien environment to their canon one, and Grandmaster is this year’s attempt at that.

I mention this because, while I call Grandmaster (GM) a ShikaTema fic, it is, first and foremost, a fic about Temari. Shikamaru is there — of course, he is — and he plays a crucial role in so many of the elements of her life within the story. But the story is unequivocally hers. We see what Temari sees, focus on what Temari focuses on, suffer through Temari’s delusions of her own self-importance, and feel the weight of the expectations put upon her. It’s an exploration of the weight of ambition that’s not necessarily your own, and it has gutted me to write more than Chess ever did.

I don’t have enough delusion of my own self-importance to yet write and publish an essay on this story, why I’ve written it, and how it feels to write it, but there are a few points that I have to voice in this yearly reflection because they’re so crucial to my last year as a writer and online.

You will hear me sing the praises of my friend Bex to the ends of the Earth. While we share a name, we have very different approaches to writing, and we often tell quite different stories, but she is truly responsible for inspiring me to write Temari-centric stories. 100%. If you are reading this and somehow haven't read what I truly consider to be the greatest ShikaTema fic of all time (no one cries for unknown soldiers), follow that link, read it right now, and then come back a changed individual. And you will be changed, I promise, because it changed me on an almost chemical level with its power. Everything you write, Bex, has that power, and it is extraordinary and frankly terrifying in the most incredible way.

I had already started GM by the time you began releasing When I am Gorgeous, but holy fuck, if that didn’t spur me on. The character growth and arcs in those stories are something to behold and something I strive for. With that in mind, the first point of this writing reflection is a thank you to Bex specifically, without whom I wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun writing as I’ve had this last year, and I wouldn’t be sitting where I’m sitting as I write this. So thank you - a hundred times over and more. I am honoured to share a corner of the internet (and a name) with you, my ‘rival’. Thank you.

The second point is another thank you. This time to @clumsydragon28, who is again a dear friend and without whom GM wouldn’t be what it is. From support in DMs to insane and phenomenal essay-like analysis in comment sections, you are outrageously inspiring to em and others and there aren’t words for my gratitude for that. But, as you already know, there are elements of GM and what is to come after GM that exist only because of you and your own beautiful writing and stories. I will refrain from spoiling the joys of the latter chapters of Plié — another absolute must-read where the love and joy of an art form ooze from every word and captivate you with their wholesomeness and beauty — but it helped me find the missing piece at the end of GM that lets me tie it up with a bow, and ultimately set into motion the fic that will follow. I can’t thank you enough, truly, but thank you.

Having thanked those who frankly made it happen, I’ll get on with the writing-specific stuff. No spoilers, but it will be a little self-indulgent so bear with me.

I’ll start with something kind of trivial. GM is my first real time writing OCs in a fanfic as more than a passing reference. It doesn’t have many because I like to bring in canon characters where applicable. But sometimes that’s not viable, and I’m not about to force some character into a hole they don’t fit into because I hate when other people do that, so Danya and Mischa kind of had to happen. And I’ve had a really fun time writing them. It’s not uploaded yet, but there’s a chapter coming soon that’s quite focused around Mischa, and I think it’s some of my best writing in the whole story, and so GM has kind of gotten me over my fear of OCs. Nobody’s complained about their existence, and they’ve made the story more complete. A lesson learned, for sure.

Secondly, it’s no secret that I really like Rasa. Do I think he’s a wanker? Yes. Do I think hating him for what happened canonically is valid? Also, yes. Do I think that there’s nuance to his character that is often disregarded or forgotten? Absolutely. And, as a result of that, do I think he’s criminally underutilised in fics? Fuck yeah, I do.

So GM has a lot of Rasa. More than I initially intended when I began writing it, actually. He’s there pretty much all the time — if he’s not in the scene, he’s probably influencing what’s going on in it either directly or via years of impressionable behaviours. And it’s been really interesting to write that. Challenging, for sure, because I have to keep in line with all the relationships set out in Strangers and realistically make them come to a head where they do. And challenging in the sense that it doesn’t feel good to write some of the things that Rasa has to say in this story.

There have been a few times in my 8 years as a fanfic author where I’ve written something and actually felt violently emotional after having done so, but GM has given me a fair few of those moments, specifically as a result of Rasa. I won’t say which moments they are, partly because the expectation of how one is ‘supposed’ to feel consuming anything takes away the authenticity, I feel, but I wonder if when people read his dialogue in certain chapters — some already up, and some soon to come — they will feel the same as I did writing them. It’s an interesting thought I’ve never had the opportunity or time to really consider until GM, and one I am sure I will consider more going forward.

Speaking of Rasa and the link in relationships, I don’t know if I’ve even officially said in this recap that GM is the prequel to Strangers. I’ve never written a prequel before, but it’s a unique experience. It’s like working from the end to the beginning; it feels wrong and yet makes perfect sense. Keeping the sibling relationships in line with Strangers is really fun, honestly. Writing that fic, I had little opportunity to just write the three of them having fun or being loving in traditional ways, and I had zero opportunity to utilise Yashamaru.

Writing this fic, Yashamaru has been everywhere, and he has become one of my most beloved characters.

I have nothing else to say on that, I just wanted to give it it’s own line. He’s played a big part of warming my hear this year, and I love him.

Finally, I feel like this fic has really brought out the introspective beast within me. Introspection has always been my forte, but it’s really taken the reins this time. In some ways, I’m quite annoyed with myself for it and for being word and long-winded. I’ve always had the biggest respect for those who can say what they want to say concisely, and I have never been one of those people.

That’s the goal for the 9th year of notquitejiraiya, for sure, and I plan to do so with a fic in the same universe as has captivated me these last 2 years, this time with the focus on Shikadai. Shikadai will be a new challenge for me, too, especially a grown up Shikadai, and I'm excited to try and tell his story, concisely and without even half the discontentment present in both GM and Strangers lol. We deserve some cheerfulness and range here at NQJ Ltd.

But at the same time, I’m proud of the way I write and the way I express myself and the characters within my story. I think I’m quite good at following a train of thought in a realistic way — not quite to the level of my idol, Mr Alex Garland, but I’ve time to learn — and by being Temari-centric, GM has let me into Temari’s head and let me run havoc her thoughts. I’ve received multiple comments on GM about how it’s somewhat frustrating not to have Shikamaru’s point of view, and while I get why: no thanks.

This is Temari’s story. There will be some moments we see through other’s eyes, certainly, but I’m of the opinion that if we saw both sides of GM, it would be far more frustrating. This story will span ten years and for me, it’s an exercise in writing someone piecing together parts of their life during that time into something worth living and figuring things out as they go. In life, while you might get to hear what the people around you think from what they say and how they act, you don’t get the privilege of seeing inside their heads. Neither does Temari, and by association, neither do you. I hope it pays off in the end; I’ll be proud regardless.

But enough about Becks the writer. Something pretty insane happened for Becks the human being last month, something that she’s not completely over. I live in Finland now. I’m learning Finnish, and I’m on Master’s degree number 2 (yes, I am addicted to learning, do not judge me). I have, frankly, no time to write, but am I going to do it anyway? Of course I am. I can’t stop myself, even if I tried. Not to mention, the pressure of my first MSc gave me Strangers, and I’m not going to resist if the 2nd brings on something equally fun.

Another constant this year for Becks the human, that I am certain my friends must be sick and tired of, is The Brothers Karamazov. I bought myself that book as a treat for finishing my exams in 2022 and have been slowly chugging through it for the last year. I’m sure it comes as no surprise with my wordy introspective tendencies that I love a classic, and I think it’s quite fun that I’ve somewhat accidentally aligned reading this particular classic alongside falling into the Bungo Stray Dogs fandom and, even more fun, aligned with writing GM. Two wildly different stories of trios of Russian siblings. These trios – they follow me around, I swear! But jokes aside, I have only 98 pages left of this almost 1000 page beast, and it feels like the end of an era. Never in my life have I seen characters as humans more effectively, and never have I felt more inspired to make sure the characters that I write appear human, too.

But like I say, being wordy is my weakness. The evidence is in this almost 3k ramble alone. There are so many more things I could say, and maybe once I’ve finished GM and it’s all published and tied up with a bow, I might share those thoughts, too.

But for now, I must say thank you to the 8th notquitejiraiya year for being so memorable, despite my blog and my ao3 page having ‘little’ to show for it by way of variety. The 9th year will be a good one, I’m sure, and I enter it with incredible friends — authors and otherwise — and the will (of fire) to improve.

And become more concise. That’s job no1.

Thank you all for playing a part in the last 8 years, whether we’re close or we’ve never spoken. Your time means the world, and I hope you have an incredible day / night / life.

Becks x

#8 years #holy mother of #how has it been 8 years #thanks for sticking around #heres to hoping year 9 is a banger

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ener-chi · 7 months

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Feeling pushed to make a life update so here we go! TL;DR my Path, and fun school stuff - Taiji, Tuina, etc.

Hmm where to start. This program has changed me so much. Due to everything I have to deal with and go through, I feel like all of my unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors came to the surface and ended up being changed into something different and healthier. I mean, they kind of had to be - otherwise I wouldn't be able to handle the program.

But... this is kind of what I've been working on lately, and is pretty recent. I've realized that... I have been running. From myself, and also my Path.

I was running from my Trauma, but also parts of myself that I didn't like. But also... I was running from my Spiritual Path. My Path started to change about 2 years ago. It began to get... bigger, broader scope, more responsibility... I realized recently that I got scared, because I knew that following it would result in me changing big time, and I don't think I was ready for that at that time.

But. You can't run forever lol. I've been doing a lot of work, and I think I am finally ready to accept my Path and get back into my Practice. I've been getting a bunch of upgrades, been working with Reiki ALOT. Also... my gifts have been coming back (I've been kind of suppressing them) and that's been super interesting. I feel like I have soo much to learn, and I get to relearn how to do things, too.

In other news - cool school stuff!!

First, Taiji. The teacher I have is INCREDIBLE. He's an older Chinese man, and he is legitimately like a master you would see in movies. I have learned a form of Taiji before, but what he teaches is WILD.

Like we haventeven learned any form or anything - all we've really been doing is learning how to stand properly in two different stances and shift our weight around. But the Qi fucking MOVES. Sooo much. Like during it my whole body shakes as it's releasing blockages, and throughout the week I like have had a ton of emotional stuff come up. I definitely think that it's been contributing to the change I've been going through, for sure.

I mean we get energy blockages in our channels, and we can have big emotions and stress stored there or in our muscles. When you break up those blockages, those things get released. It's very cool to see it happen in myself.

HmmMMM I've been learning some Tuina - which translates to basically Chinese Medical Massage. It's a massage modality, but it serves a medical purpose, and can be used to treat most things, even like cold or flu. BUT where it excels is in orthopedic problems and pain.

Like our teacher - who is incredible, btw, and got his degree in China, and was the first person to have a doctor's degree in TCM in the USA - he has been showing us so many stories and case studies of people that have had near debilitating pain for years, sometimes 10 or 20, and no surgery or anything can make it better, but after about 10 sessions of Tuina, they walk away pain-free.

Absolutely mind-bending stuff. I honestly genuinely am going to recommend anyone in my life to try Tuina before considering getting big orthopedic surgeries. It's crazy.

Hmm what else. I mean I have just been learning so much stuff lol. Like Chinese Medicine can help accelerate the growth and healing of bones after a break, and can also help treat it even years after it happened. Or like how most heart attacks take place around noon and in the summer, and why that is. Just so much cool stuff!

Anywho. That's probably it for now. Gotta rest up and get back to my studies 😵

Hope everyone has a good day!

Blessings!

#mine #journal #11.14.23 #about me #path #practice

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halfagone · 1 year

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Here is an idea (inspired from the idea of someone else) you can do whatever you want to with: Jason for some reason decides to put a bounty (with favours and family dinners in exchange) on some rich guy and our lovely emotionally constipated rich guy, Bruce, takes the first row seat in listening the rules and pulls out a pen and paper from the ether and writes down everything and asks numerous questions. Bruce scores so many points that Jason sweats... And all he wants is a family dinner every other week. Absolutely nothing else, just come over, have dinner, chat with the sibs and Alfred (Jason is more than free to pretend that Bruce isn't there or so the older of the two says) and leave whenever. And after some mental calculations Jason knows that it will take at least 3 years to get through all of the pilled up family dinners and he has no idea what to even start thinking or feeling. Meanwhile every wonders if Bruce broke Jason with his own way of showing love and affection.

P.S. I HC that at least part of Bruce's love language is to spend time in the same space with his kids doing whatever... Even if it means doing paperwork in the middle of the room where Dick experiences an acrobat's wet dreams.

I'm not gonna lie to you, my brain literally went to 'paid mercenary' when I read 'bounty', but people put bounties on targets even without killing involved! So that's on me. lol But I definitely think that Bruce likes to spend lots of time with his children when he can, which could stem from lots of things, like how his parents died while they were on a night in the town together and even though he lost him he at least got to know how much they cared about him, and if he ever dies he wants his children to know that too, and that means showing an interest in their lives and being there. Or maybe it's because the last time he let a kid out of his sight for too long they went to a foreign country, got killed, and came back thinking they had died unloved and forgotten. 🙃

Sorry, my brain automatically translates to angst.

But seriously, Bruce wants to be there! Sometimes that means he can be overeager and always hovering over their shoulder, driving them up a wall. And sometimes that means he meddles and comes around even when they don't want them to.

Bruce spent such a long time alone in the Manor, with only Alfred to keep him company, and then went to travel and train largely alone, with only the occasional companion. And then he started his crusade expecting that to continue, only to soon gain a partner and son in Dick, and then slowly but steadily fill up the Manor with lively children.

Why would he ever want to go back to the way things used to be? And moreover, he chose to have these children in his life, why would he not want to spend time with them?

Jason would probably struggle to wrap his head around the concept the most. He went so long thinking only a certain way about Bruce, and then has to realize that he might have been wrong about Bruce from the start. He's got his own problems with parents who had loved or cared for him, but hadn't really been in the space or position to properly care about him. Look at Catherine, she loved and took care of Jason even when he wasn't her own son by blood! And yet having him in her life hadn't been enough to keep her off her drugs and addiction. That can really fuck a kid up. Bruce has plenty of other kids, lots of responsibility, and he can be a workaholic! But the fact that he wants and tries to make the time to spend time with his children, even if it just means being in the same room together so that he can hear them talk and laugh and rib each other says a lot about how important they are to him. And I'd like to think Jason would realize that too.

Bruce is, and more importantly can be, a good father! I will die on this hill, even if I have to get the dirt and make it myself.

10/10 HC, @chrysanthemum9484. It's not a fic, but my god, it's still got lots of feeling. I've got lots of Feelings. I shouldn't be allowed to write...

Side note: NF's How Could You Leave Us gives me major Jason Todd Feelings and I don't know how to cope with that.

#halfagone replies #my brain is going places #and they're angsty!

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justtopostmyfic-blog · 11 months

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hii Mew @parknights : whumpy h/c casual imagines!

"boy, man, baby" (parker/jess + dad roman) Parker gets seizures, not graphic. And later he tries to vomit but can't, so no puke described.

Pp is lying in a hospital bed in a fetal position, he was admitted after he got knocked out by real toxin gas. Jess escaped unscathed and has just arrived at his bedside where he's mostly conscious now. ...

"I feel weird." Parker whines twice within a few minutes.

"Weird how, cub?" Jess asks him after the second time, sounding very worried and a little exasperated. Everything looked normal on the monitors.

Parker doesn't know how to articulate what he's going through, he has never felt this way before. Grey-tinged aura, and like the room and Jess are zooming in and out. He swallows dryly against his nausea and just shakes his head defeatedly.

5-10 minutes pass. Parker closes his eyes and tries his hardest to calm down and get some rest. Jess sees the familiar "11" lines around his tightly knit eyebrows slowly relax, and her whole body starts to relax too along with his face. He must be feeling better, she thinks.

Her worry fades and it feels a lot more tranquil. She strokes his hair and shoulder to help calm him further and lull him to sleep.

Suddenly, his whole body goes limp and then he jerks uncontrollably in a seizure. His eyes roll back in his head, he's drooling, and Jess gets alarmed and terrified and yells for the nurses.

After the docs dose him with anti-seizure meds, Jess is wracked with guilt that she didn't listen to Parker or help him sooner. But all his vital signs on the monitors looked stable when she was with him before the seizure, how could she have known?

When she's allowed to see him again, he doesn't blame her at all ofc. He just wants her to hold his hand bc he's so exhausted and scared. Her fingers do the tightening around his limp ones because he's too tired to clasp back. The nurses had placed a puppy pad under his face and he can't help it as he drools intermittently. Jess cleans his face with her free hand whenever that happens.

// The docs say Parker can be discharged the next day, but he needs someone to stay with him 24/7 for the next week. Parker calls his dad, and ofc Roman will stay with Parker at his apartment while he recuperates.

// Maybe some others in the team were also exposed to the toxic gas, but they could be discharged the same day and were cleared to go back to work the next day. Could be because Parker got exposed to a higher dose, or because he is older and more frail. Parker spends many moments awake wondering that same thing himself.

// the theme is (which i will demonstrate below lol): Roman is sorta comfortable with his own mortality (he lives in a senior facility, hello! He thinks to himself). But he has never, before this, considered that his son might get deathly ill before him. He has also never considered that his (youngest?) boy is an now old man too.

Roman has to come to terms with Parker and his dangerous occupation as an NCIS detective, and it sucks to think about. (If Parker was a navyman, he would have been honorably discharged long before this age.)

// day 1: Parker wakes up as Jess gets ready for work, and he sees her out the door as she leaves (and kisses him). Roman has prepared breakfast and Parker eats a little bit before he goes back to bed. Roman is reminded of when his son was 10 years old on school break, and his beloved bride Iris was still around.

Parker sleeps through lunch, he's really wiped out from the seizure 2 days ago. Roman watches a matinee movie on low volume and feels bored and lonely. He likes to needle Alden and it feels like he's alone in Alden's apartment again. He checks on his boy, still sound asleep.

Jess gets home, Alden wakes an hour later. The 3 of them eat a simple dinner. They watch some TV after cleaning up, but Parker falls asleep halfway through a show.

The anti-seizure meds that Parker has to take for the next few weeks make him lethargic and docile. It's kinda cute, like a dopey puppy, but Jess is glad it won't be forever. She misses Alden with his assertiveness, pep and vigor. As her eyes meet Roman's over Parker's slumbering form between them, she can tell he feels the same way, in his own way.

// day 2: Roman and Alden take a little late morning walk. Roman can see Alden's energy is flagging, so he pretends he wants to sit and then turn back. Alden agrees to it, he knows what his dad is doing.

Later in the day, the two Parkers bake a tasty old-fashioned cake! They have quite a nice time together, and Parker is pleased to surprise Jess when she gets back. They even bake enough for her to take to work the next day!

Jess is the one who ends up doing the surprising. She texted him a few times throughout the day and since she knows he's more alert today, she brings home his favorite neapolitan pizza for them all to share and a six-pack of no-alcohol beer.

Parker is thrilled! He's been going a little stir-crazy with domestic life, and Jess knows his fave foods and how he kinda misses a cold beer now that he can't have any with his anti-seizure meds for now.

Parker chows down one and a half slices, which is less than his usual but Jess is happy to see him like this. He looks so content, like a stuffed cat who swallowed the canary. Roman looks content in a different way too, she catches him beaming at his son.

"You gonna finish that?" Jess jokes lightly. Parker shakes his head as he grins at her, so she swipes his half-slice off his plate and eats it.

They decide to play Uno tonight. Parker is pretty happy and rambunctious as he sips his no-alcohol beer. (He told them not to hold back on his account, so Jess has some wine and Roman a thimble of whiskey.)

A few games in, Parker gets quiet. Jess notices that, then checks on the wall clock that it's 9:20pm. Around the same time that Parker unceremoniously fell asleep in front of the TV the night before.

"Park, you tired?" She asks.

Parker shakes his head and slurs "n-no..." as he tries to stand. He stumbles and drops his hand of cards which spill on the small table and floor. Jess rushes up to catch him by his armpits so he doesn't fall or hurt himself.

Parker's fist tightens around the back of her pyjamas shirt as he clutches on. "I... bathroom..." He struggles to keep his feet under him, and the two of them awkwardly shuffle to the bathroom. (More like she drags him as he drags his feet.) From the way he's trembling against her, Jess has a pretty good idea that he needs to drool or vomit.

When they make it to the bathroom, Parker flops on all fours in front of the toilet and leans heavily against it. It's scary to see him look like a very drunk person and lose coordination of his limbs. Roman follows closely behind them, and Jess sees her own fears reflected in the elder Parker's face as they take in the sight of Alden now.

They decide quickly that Roman will stay with Alden while Jess calls the doc and asks whether he needs another dose of meds or to go back to the hospital, bc she knows his doc.

Parker is drained from kneeling over the toilet and drooling and panting and after a few long minutes, he stumbles back gracelessly, landing on his butt to sit and catch his breath.

Roman is beside his son, and he rushes to cup the back Alden's head just before it slams into the lip of the clawfoot tub. He still has paternal instincts towards his youngest boy-- and he always will.

Alden cracks his eyes open in gratitude and he sees his father's concerned face. "Mm okay," he tries to reassure his dad. Roman's face furrows even more with worry, maybe his muttering didn't come out as Parker intended.

It's not comfortable for Roman to crouch over like that for too long, so after checking that Alden doesn't get any paler or worse, the older Parker kinda contorts himself so he sits on the edge of the bathtub, all the while still keeping his hand as a shield on the back of Alden's head.

Sitting on the thin, curved lip of the bathtub is far from comfortable too, but it has to do. He's not leaving his son in this state for even a sec. Roman very gently positions Alden so that his boy is leaning his back against Roman's shins and his tired head is cradled in Roman's lap.

When Alden was a boy learning to walk, he and Iris babyproofed the home (again) and made sure there were no sharp edges at Alden's height. Now, six decades later, Roman is doing the same thing for different reasons.

"Doc says to keep an eye out. We only have to go to the hospital if there's a seizure." Jess conveys solemnly, but she's relieved.

"Musta been th' beer." Parker jokes weakly, some of his strength coming back.

Roman swats his shoulder lightly. Jess fixes him with a mock-stern look then chuckles at his confused face.

(they both love their old cub/ young bub so much)

A long while later, they get Parker settled in bed in the recovery position. All of them are exhausted and still on edge. They know there's still a possibility that Parker could have a seizure later in the night.

Jess walks out of their bedroom to head to the kitchen one last time and she almost runs into Roman in the hallway headed for his room.

"We'll leave the bedroom door open tonight okay?"

Just in case. So you'll know if something happens.

Roman nods in agreement and he steps towards Jess to give her a tight hug. "Thank you." In spite (Because) of all the stress tonight, it feels like they've grown closer, bonded over their love for Alden.

In the kitchen, Jess sees the bundt cake that Parker had proudly and carefully wrapped up after dinner. Oh yeah, she was supposed to take that into work tomorrow, but not if something bad happens to Parker tonight.

She returns to the bedroom and put a glass of water at each of their bedsides. Jess thinks quickly, and then she also discreetly pulls the trashcan close to his side of the bed. Parker doesn't see her doing it because he's curled up facing her side of the bed: still boneless in the recovery position, and also like he's waiting anxiously for her to come to bed too.

"Sorry I ruined our night," Alden mumbles after she has laid down in bed facing him.

"Hey Park, you didn't ruin anything. Except for maybe my winning streak." She soothes, then switches to joking. A surprised chuckle bubbles up in his chest against her palm, and it's the best thing she's heard and felt all night. (The hug with Roman felt pretty nice too. In a different, mutually comforting way!)

#whump fic #alden parker #old frail sick and cute #he looks like a grumpy hedgehog

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popcornforone · 1 year

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You’ve Not Lived, Until You Feel Alive

Chapter 2 of Is That All Mr Gutierrez series

Master List

Chapter 1

Thanks for the love for chapter 1 peoples, I know it was a little different to what I usually write but I need to character builds in this one. When we get to the smut it will be exactly what you all want.

Synopsis: Time has now passed & its 10 years since you had your first kiss with Javi. A lot has changed, & you’ve both grown, but your therapist is asking you to write a secure blog only they can see to get you to believe in yourself once again.

Word count:2500

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18! THIS IS A VERY TRAUMATIC CHAPTER! I know this will not be for some of you, it gets dark, but I needed it too, I have to break the reader before they get to have fun. Death, murder, suicidal thoughts, violence, terrorists, cancer, shooting, blood, pain & suffering, angst, agony, anger, PTSD, mental health, nightmares. Pining, wanting, unrequited love not being returned, break ups, loss, sorrow. This chapter is done in a blog, journal format.

Again I am sorry if this is triggering or too much, but I needed to do this to character build. If you want to skip to chapter 3 that’s fine, it will be published soon.

Thanks for understanding peoples, it means a lot, & thanks for reading it’s always appreciated. Don’t worry the smut is on its way, I promise.

Secure therapy Blog post 18

I almost didn’t publish this. I really didn’t think anyone would want to hear what I had to say after the events but my therapist said I should just write when the day happened. Writings my therapy, it’s my creative outlet.

But today was the day the unimaginable thing happened….

My dad passed away & im not sure I can go on.

My dads been unwell for a while. We knew it was cancer & it disappeared about 4 years ago but then it came back, & it was incurable.

Nothing the doctors said… there’s nothing we can do… he’s got 6 months… go make memories with him… so that’s what my mum

& I have done.

My mum to have to go through another loss in her life. Another heartbreak, another good bye. I’m not ready to post about the other heart break yet, but I will do one day. It not mine that happened I don’t recall it.

But we have spent the last 18 months with my dad having the best time in the world. The Gutierrez wedding in Cuba for Javis older sister Luna was so much fun, my dads face as I danced with Javi after few too many drinks, thinking of what I could have had with Javi from my time as a teenager crushing on him. It was like time had frozen. My head buried into Javis neck, inhaling his scent for old time sake. The way his hand stroked my back, making me want more. Trying not to think that his fiancé was looking right at us. She knows I’m just his assistant & look after the legitimate side of the business. She has no idea the feelings I have hidden away from her soon to be husband. A pipe dream I had 10 years ago when I wrote my teenage diary.

But then we got home & dad took a downward turn. & he told me to be brave & go after my dreams & to always be true to myself.

When he was still with us after the 6 months the doctor originally told us, we took each day as a blessing. I don’t believe in god, but I know my dad does. Every night I asked my dads god for one more day with him. & obviously I asked for one too many.

Watching him pass was heartbreaking & but also soothing. He was no longer in pain. & what he did medically for the world to help & try & find a cure still astounds me. My dad went through awake brain surgery to see what happened when it was operated on & how it affects the body. He was so brave. If that procedure saves one life, my dads pain & death won’t have been for nothing.

The Gutierrez’ have told me to take as much time as I need. Javi has sent around a vase of black orchids, my favourite, he always says he sees my inner goth whenever he looks at them. He’s said the business can wait & that he can look after himself for a few days, but I am already missing that dimple & cheeky smile. Even now he has a calming influence on me. It’s just him, it’s just J. He will always be there for me. & yes it’s weird that one of my closest friends in the world is a drug lord & part of the mafia, but we run the legitimate side of the family empire. We run it well. & Javi knows a day will come when he has to run all of it. He’s not looking forward to that but he knows it’s his destiny. He & Sofia will raise an amazing family & have a fantastic life & I will watch by the side, maybe with a family of my own, watching them be happy & be glad I have a small part in their life.

My dad told me to be happy. & that’s what I’m going to do… be happy.

He wouldn’t want me to mope around & wait for life to happen.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

We will have the funeral, Javi Senior has said we can have the wake at their mansion, no need for us to have it in our hotel.

But then I think I need to take that gap year I’ve always promised I would do.

I want to see more of the world than just Spain & England. I want to experience life. I want to feel alive. That’s what my dad always said, you’ve not lived until you feel alive.

Dad I miss you.

I miss your smile.

Your kind eyes.

Your bad jokes.

& I miss that you will never walk me down the aisle or watch me grown into a woman. I know I am a woman but I have so many life experiences to come & you won’t be there to watch me grow & fail. Become proud of myself & who I become.

I love you dad…

I’m not sure I can do this without you…

Secure therapy Blog post 26

I’ve put this off

Everyone’s told me to type

Everyone asked me if I’m okay

I say I am

But I’m not

So here goes

4 months ago I nearly died…

even typing that feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulder

It was horrible

I should not be here

I can still feel the heat when I drop off to sleep

The dreams & nightmares are so vivid

Every day awake was already struggle & now my peaceful sleep is full of flashbacks of horrors or my worst nightmares

It’s pain like nothing else

I was in Rome, after seeing the opera, just on my own. I needed from space from mum, work & Javi. His break up was hurting him a lot & he’d been making rash impulsive decisions. It’s most unlike him. So I suggested I went away for a week, have some me time & so he can get over Sophia. The last thing we both needed was to be moody in each others presence.

So I flew to Rome, did all the sights & went shopping, hooked up with some guys & stayed in a nice hotel & went to the opera.

Then at 3am as I slept in bed I felt warm, it was September so the weather is to be expected. & then I heard the noise, & smelt the ash. A car had exploded outside our hotel & the front of the building had caught on fire. I grabbed my phone & keys & headed to the fire escape.

I could feel the heat surround me, my lungs desperately needing air, as this ash fog just coated my throat. I remember seeing some people pass out, lots of screaming & items on the floor that I did not register. I knew I had to make it out, I had to see everyone I cared for one last time

I know that in the last 18 months since my dad passed I’ve felt helpless & suicidal at times but I’ve always found strength & love from others, it’s got me though it. I needed to get out in one piece. I needed to be with everyone even if it is just to say goodbye.

But then I got to the lobby to make my way to the exit. This was not just a car crashing & exploding, this was a massacre. This was an attack on the hotel & its guests. Bodys burnt in front of my eyes, some people bleeding out, bullets & weapons across the floor. Death stood between me & my exit. How I had got to this part of the hotel still alive & not in pain was a miracle already. As I stepped across the lobby heading for the exit, I could just hear my dads voice like he was there going, you’re doing so well sweetheart, you’re almost safe, you can make it. A few more steps & the horrors will be over. You can almost smell the fresh night air, keep going.

Maybe there is an afterlife, maybe he was reaching out to me but I knew I had to make it across & get tho the exit. It took me a while but I stumbled eventually through the exit & gasped as the nights air filled my lungs.

But then the horror continued… but I have no recollection of it. All I remember is the high piecing screech & suddenly feeling warm as something hit me. Blood trickling & seeping through my sleep shorts. I had been shot. I know I blacked out but there was just one thing running through my mind before my face crashed into the hard cold concrete path. That i would was never get to apologise to Javi for telling him to man up after the break up, for not telling him that I knew Sofia was having an affair sooner, & for not telling him that he has been my true love from the moment I met him, aged 13.

27 of us survived the hotel siege. My mum said I had a face Picasso would have been proud to paint when I woke up. She was crying but her humour got me through it. She’s had so so much loss in her life. Losing me would have hurt the most, she’d have no one. We agreed one step at a time, keep things slow, but I keep having these nightmares from the day. I now know it was the police who shot me by accident thinking I was apart if the group storming the hotel & I am being compensated, I mean it is there job to protect everyone & not take any risks. But I was in my jammies how many terrorist siege a hotel in pjs?

Seeing Javi when I got back here on the island was perfect. All our anger & frustration with each other had gone. We hugged & cried & promised to never be mean or hide anything from each other again. & then he broke my heart just before I went to tell him how I really felt about him & that he helped get me through that night & how he was the last thing I thought of before I blacked out. He said I was his best friend & he knew we would always have each others back.

It still hurts much like the wound in my leg. It hurt deep. But if Javi just wants us to be just friends I can cope with that. I just want Javi to be happy that’s all. I want to watch him grow & flourish & live his best life. I want the world for Javi & if that means I’m just a friend, I hope I can deal with it.

I’m so glad I have a secure server to type on.

This has really helped me today, & so has looking back at all my old posts. Therapy has really made me not feel guilty, that I’m here & those people aren’t. Survivors guilt is real & it’s painful. I do still wish at times that I didn’t make it out but my dad was the voice in my head telling me to keep going & that I am strong. My mum will always have my back. & I know I can trust Javi to support me in everything as a friend, even if that’s all it is. But I do wish it was something more…

Secure therapy Blog post 32

It’s been a while… it really has

My therapist told me to write

She told be to be honest

She told me she would read this

She told me to say it

I am worth something

I am not defined by my recent trauma

& I am valid in my pain

Last week was not only the 2 year anniversary of my dads death but also the day I received my compensation for being shot & the findings report from the massacre were released on the same day, it hit me like a train & i seriously considered with all the emotions & conflict inside me, if my life actually mattered

My mums back in London, to complete the renovation of the new dinning room & kitchen of our hotel there, my best friend is on her honeymoon, & no offence to you my therapist, but I knew what you were going to say. I wanted something else or someone else to validate me.

I’ve been staying at Javis on Saturdays recently, he says that’s when he misses company the most & he usually has meetings or church on Sunday mornings. So I was just standing in the kitchen cooking us dinner, when everything just over came me, the knife in my hand looking so sharp & inviting, would anyone really miss me if I killed myself right now…

I didn’t even know Javi had entered the kitchen, but I knew the second I came out of my paused trance that the tingling sensation Within me was from his hand removing the knife from mine, putting it out of my reach. His other hand stroking my back going up & down my spine. I felt like I was actually breathing & being seen for the first time in almost 2 years.

& that’s when one of my favourite songs came on the playlist i was listening too. & I just rocked with Javi in silence, his arms tightly around me waist, squeezing the pain out of me but also filling me with love & purpose… the moment I finally turned my head to see him & his big puppy dog eyes, the lyrics sang “when nobody understands you, well I do” played. We both just softly smiled at each other no words being said.

When the song ended he asked me if I felt better & that I was always welcome & safe in his house or his parents villa if I need some space & didn’t want to go back to the hotel. I told him I knew that, he told me because that’s what best friends do we say nothing & we just understand don’t we…

I should have told him there & then that I was now sure I wanted more but the moment was so pure & perfect & gave me purpose again, that I didn’t want to ruin it with heart break for me if he rejected me. I couldn’t cope with that, not right now. So I’ll continue continuing on

I know my place

& I know Javi will always be there for me…

Chapter Three

#fanfic #my fics #pedro pascal #no minors #javi g #javi gutierrez #javi g fic #javi g fanfiction #the unbearable weight of massive talent #tuwomt #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal cinematic universe #pedro pascal fanfiction

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