#i almost thought thats what they were doing with lonely people cause i didnt think troye sounded that good ... 👀

[felsicveins]

I'm so lonesome all the time

Some sweet day

Gonna take away

This hurting inside

#trolls #trolls 3 #it would have been so dark if floyd wasnt able to sing at the end of the movie #but wouldnt that have been interesting #i almost thought thats what they were doing with lonely people cause i didnt think troye sounded that good ... 👀 #trolls band together #dreamworks trolls #floyd trolls #trolls floyd #Brozone #velvet and veneer #this was originally and idea i had that involved assistant creek au but .. i think its nice on its own #I've never added a song on a post before!!! #i have a lot of thoughts about floyd. none of them coherent and all of them very very sad #Spotify

[angsthology]

random roo stuff

i do a lot of thinking (slash neg)

people (usually new fans) thinks roo and daisy-mae are dating

in the 2023 intro, roo winks at the camera

as seen in the screenshot roo is usually very active on twitter (not the surprise) and she follows some fans and often interact with them

sometimes people call her and charles (when seen together) sally and mcqueen due to her driving for porsche and charles — well, he is mcqueen. that didnt need further explanation

shes secretly very close with zhou considering they were rookies together

during her karting days her number was 35 idk why just is

she lieks to watch f1 academy races and support her girls

girl has many side quests goin on

shes also very private so when she casually drops something personal people write it down in their notes titled “roolore”

we all know max calls his rocket ship rocky, to which roo also has one of her own. she calls hers: backbiter after the first season that brought her glory

(inspired by luke castellan’s sword, his sword kan k word both humans and monsters, her car can beat rocket ships and tractors alike)

she gets shocked about the same thing more than once (memory of a goldfish this girl i tell u (mecore))

one time at a press conference they just gave her an electric guitar and that was the only topic for the entire half of that press conference

(some people say its their roman empire idk tho 🤷🏻)

she sang stockholm syndrome by 1d at charles’ birthday surprise just cause she thought shes funny (she is)

sometimes when she sees logan she goes “walk my way mr all american”

same with nando when she sees him its like her mouth goes on abbapilot (autopilot but... yknow abba) and full on start singing “there was something in the air that night”

okay yknow what at this point im just gonna tell u she has a song that she associates with every driver

which brings us to this fact: her spotify wrapped every year is always above 100,000 minutes

girlie lives in breathes music people often thinks she should’ve entered the music industry instead of racing

went missing one night and gave her entire team a heart attack until the morning when social media was littered with pictures and videos of her at a pitbull concert that night

she almost died that weekend in the hands of her manager

during RACE WEEKEND TOO

somehow still managed podium in free practice

while everyone likes to joke that lando is a literal child, a 4 year old, roo on the other hand often gets called the grid’s teenager

and by teenager i mean teenage dirtbag. thats what she is. being 23 didnt really stop her from leaving that era

the epitome of the word “worse” not worst but worse.

thats honestly all i got for now but hey u can always knock on my brain through my inbox (im bored and lonely exams are k wording me i need to be entertained like a 5 year old)

taglist; @treehouse-mouse @disneyprincemuke @yansbolobao @leilanixx @judespoision @vellicora @bborra there are still some people thatcant be tagged im sorry ☹️☹️

#tine’s roo vs the world

[transdemigod]

I was bored so I made a list of all the avatars I could find on the magnus archives wiki and grouped them based on how they came into power.

Notes and explanations under the cut.

Some of this is artistic interpretation, but here's how I picked each category:

Called refers to someone who was compelled or otherwise drawn to their power. Some people like the Cult of the Lightless Flame members I put in this group even though we don't get a description of how exactly they made their decision, cause I think it's safe to assume someone who joins a cult is called to it. If the person wanted something abnormal thats related to their power (ex: Hezekiah Wakely wanted rest but this was due to his connection to the Buried) I counted them as having been called.

Bargained refers to someone who directly traded something for their power, such as protection for others or to save their own life. Some aren't super clear, but if someone desired something unrelated to their power I put there here. Examples: Mike Crew wanted to escape the fractal creature, Robert Montauk killed to protect his daughter.

Taken means something transformed them or they didnt choose their power. Technically ever avatar makes a decision, but their choice doesn't always directly lead to power. Some, like Georgie Barker, were attacked and survived touched by their Entity, others were turned into something else that served their Fear, like the anglerfish victims.

Born is pretty straightforward, if someone has family that was also an avatar, they will likely go into here. I made a few exceptions in cases where we know what choices a character made, for example, Julia Montauk didn't follow in her father's footsteps, but instead began Hunting to defend herself. Some avatars are creatures that seem to be born as they are, like how the NotThem implies it has always been a monster. I also count Nikola as being in this category even though she was once Grimaldi, because she was created in her current form.

Finally, Unknown is where it isn't clear what happened to make this person an avatar. I tried to find a reason for everyone I could, so the ones here don't have any explicit or implied reason for coming into their power on the wiki. It is likely I missed or misinterpreted things, but this is just for fun so I'm alright with that.

Some interesting notes:

Entities where there are a clear majority of avatars that were Called include the Buried, the Dark, the Desolation, the Eye, and the Web. The Dark and Desolation fall into this group because a majority of avatars we hear about are cult members, but the Web has a clear preference for recruitment. Almost all the Web avatars felt some calling to it, which fits well with its whole manipulation deal.

I thought the Corruption would also have a lot of avatars that were compelled, which it does, but a majority of them are taken. A lot of people get attacked by bugs and roll with it, I guess. Jordan Kennedy also contributes to this category and he's the only avatar that became one entirely against his will, so that's interesting.

The End gains a majority of its followers through bargaining, usually for extended time where they are dying. Oliver Banks was the only one who was drawn to death, which makes him a pretty unique character. Or else just really goth.

The Flesh and the Slaughter have a lot of stories about people that are never explained, so there's a lot of unknowns for them. The Stranger also has lots of unknowns, but I think that's because it's, well, the Stranger. Like, what's up with the anatomy students? Why are they doing That?

The Spiral also has a lot of unknowns, which is fitting, but it also takes a lot of its avatars. This is mostly the Distortion's fault, nobody involved with it wants to be there. That's why I made the color for the Taken category yellow, cause it matches the yellow door.

The Lonely is, of course, skewed toward avatars born into the position. Because the Lukas family is probably huge at this point and loves yoinking people. Also I didn't include Evan Lukas even though he's listed on the wiki as an avatar, because I respect his wishes to be cut off from his family.

The Vast has only three avatars, and Harriet Fairchild being included is pushing it. This makes it the Power with the least amount of avatars mentioned in the show, which feels ironic somehow.

The Eye has the most variety, and is the only one to include people from all 5 categories. This is probably because it is focused on the most in the show, though it is actually only in second place for number of people, losing out to the Corruption. It would have had the most if I included all of the archival assistants, but I didn't because they don't really manifest any powers, they sort of just work for the Eye unwillingly.

Anyways, I had fun doing this and I hope you enjoy it too.

#tma #the magnus archives #the entities #the buried #the corruption #the dark #the desolation #the end #the eye #the flesh #the hunt #the lonely #the slaughter #the spiral #the stranger #the vast #the web #tma entities

[nia-journals]

Blind Date | YOONMIN Short Story

——————

park jimin sat in the cushioned chair, blind folded, wearing his casual best, in hopes of impressing whichever stranger his partner turned out to be. you see, his best friend jeon jungkook, had dragged him to one of those blind date events taking place in their city and now jimin sat like a complete idiot and for what? why was he trying so hard? he told himself he couldnt care less about this outing so why did he even bother wearing his best jeans?

jimin sighed and as the countdown on the intercom reached 0 he could hear footsteps approaching. this made jimin a bit anxious. his eyes were bound, he didnt know where in the room his friend jungkook sat and in less a second he would meet a complete stranger he’d spend the rest of this forsaken date with. jimin’s fight or flight instict ticked as he felt someone walk dangerously close to his chair. why the fuck did he agree to this? jimin thought, it was safe to say that whoever came up with a blind dinner date pop-up event was a complete idiot. he now sat in high alert waiting to defend himself despite the circumstances and the obvious fact that he couldnt see anything at all.

so he sat and waited; jimin was beginning to think he’d been stood up even in this stupid blind date. that is, until he heard;

“hello?” a stranger with a deep voice approached him, “im min yoongi,” his voice was eargasmic, it made the little hairs on jimin’s arms stand up and sent chills down his back.

“park jimin,” jimin introduced himself in a shy and unsually low tone. jimin wasnt usually shy but this man’s voice alone made him feel small, intimidated and dominated even.

“should we get right to it?” the stranger’s disembodied yet gravelly voice suggested, “i cant really ask you what you like to eat cause that’s against the rules so, ima take a hunched here and hope you enjoy it. is that ok jimin?”

jimin nodded like an idiot, in a trance. unlike five seconds ago now jimin mentally thanked whoever’s stupid idea was to wear blindfolds cause if not yoongi would be completely exposed to his dialated pupils which signaled his lovey dovey eyes.

“ok, i placed the order. when it comes out please be completely honest with me,” yoongi said, after quietly thanking who i assumed was the server, “i promise i wont cry too hard.”

yoongi’s chuckle.

wow.

that was the most beautiful sound jimin’s ears have ever had the pleasure of hearing. the captivating sound was light and addictive, jimin wanted yoongi to chuckle all throught the night.

“don’t worry yoongi,” jimin let out instinctively. it didn’t matter how nasty what yoongi picked out for him was, he would lie, cheat, fibble, he would do anything to get a shot at a second date with this stranger with the honey dipped voice, “i wont go too hard on you.”

“no, please do but maybe lie about it to the host and we can always try again on our second date.”

jimin smiled, maybe a little too widely and he had to quickly remind himself that yoongi could still in fact see the idiotic smile plastered on his face, “already in for a second date? are you that whipped already?”

“i mean, look at you, park jimin. youre a whole vision in itself. i could sit here all night and talk about how perfect you look.”

“you havent even seen half of my face yet min yoongi,” jimin scoffed in a joking manner.

“fair enough park jimin,” he spoke in a tone of newfound confidence and determination, his voice dropped about two octaves and jimin again froze at how deep and addicting it was to listen to min yoongi’s voice, “let’s get to know eachother before our meal comes to us.”

“fine,” jimin said clearing his throat, “that sounds fine by me.”

“are you from this area jimin?” yoongi asked in his husky tone. fuck this man’s voice would surely be jimin’s demise. he couldnt wait to take his blindfold off to reveal the face of the stranger whose voice had jimin wrapped around his finger.

“no, im actually from busan. i moved out to seoul with some of my friends for school.” jimin said.

“you all go to the same university?” he questioned.

“yeah we do. we all applied together and got in together so we just moved in together and attend the same school,” jimin shrugged. he was infact lucky to have friends who shared similar interests and life aspirations. lucky enough that after high school graduation while everyone waved goodbye to their bestfriends, jimin, taehyung and jungkook were packing together ready to take on the next four years of college right by eachother’s side.

“youre very lucky,” yoongi confessed, “not many people get to attend the same school as their bffs after high school. usually people grow apart.”

“yeah im glad i have them here with me. i’d be a lone wolf in seoul if it wasnt for them.” jimin said. “one of my bestfriends, jungkook, was actually the one who dragged me here?”

“wait are you an introvert park jimin?” yoongi questioned. jimin couldn’t see much of yoongi but he could feel the subtle movements the stranger made in his chair at the other end of the table.

“im as introverted as they come. it took a whole lot of will power, a lot of convincing by my friend jungkook and a million pep-talks from our dorm room to here to get me to calm down a bit,” jimin confessed.

“are you nervous right now jimin?” he let out in a soft yet deep under-tone. his whispering made him sound like an asmrist and jimin wasn’t sure he could handle listening to him talk im such a low tone any longer.

“well i was nervous yoongi, but-“ he began, “your voice.”

“what about my voice?” yoongi asked and jimin could almost hear the cockiness in his voice.

“it’s soothing yoongi, it’s really calming my nerves,” jimin was completely transparent with the man. well of course jimin hid the fact that aside from calming him down a bit, yoongi’s voice also aroused him. that detail he could definitely keep to himself, “in that case i’ll keep talking,” he was definitely now going to begin using his sweet and deep voice against jimin for the rest of the night, “what do you study in school, jimin?”

“dance,” jimin let out, “contemptorary dance to be exact.”

“have you danced for long?” yoongi questioned.

“since i was 9 years old.”

“so youre a professional?”

“i wouldn’t say so, i have a long way to go to be considered professional.” jimin answered modestly.

“i bet your the best in your whole university,” yoongi complimented him in such a casual tone.

“well thank you,” jimin said shyly, yoongi surely knew all the right things to say, “but im not even the best in the whole junior class,”

“i find that hard to believe. on our second date how about you show me your moves?” the butterflies in jimin’s stomach were out of control at yoongi’s blatant proposition.

but at that moment jimin promised himself that he would go dancing with yoongi on their second date.

“let’s take it one second at a time yoongi, i dont even know if i like the food you picked out for me yet,” jimin teased him, “what if it was a complete miss?”

“it won’t be, my gut never lies to me.” yoongi was definitely cocky but jimin thought that was part of his charm. jimin definitely liked it.

jimin laughed, god he wished he could see yoongi’s face right about now, “what about you yoongi? are you in school? are you from seoul?”

“ah, no-“ yoongi started, “im not from seoul, i was born and raised in daegu. i actually, like you, moved to seoul for school and studied music production. i graduated a few months ago. now i work with my friend who’s an upcoming rapper.”

“congratulations on graduating,” jimin offered and yoongi thanked him in return.

“whats his name?” jimin questioned, honestly wanting to know if he’s heard of his friends work at anytime, “your rapper friend. maybe ive heard the music you guys have made together before,”

“his names rm,” yoongi let out non-chalant but jimin almost chocked on his water.

“you’re friends with rm?” jimin let out in an overly excited tone, “my best friend jungkook loves rm.”

“i could get you two tickets to his next underground show if you’d like?” he asked, his offer sounded sincere.

“i couldn’t-“ jimin let up, “we just met yoongi. i wouldnt want you to have the wrong idea of me.”

“i could never park jimin,” there he goes saying jimin’s name again, it sounded so fucking perfect coming from him and jimin could honestly sit and hear yoongi say his name over and over and over until the sun comes up, “how about this, if you like the food i picked for you, i’ll take you and your friend jungkook to the next rm concert.”

“how about we leave the concert for a third date, i want you all to myself on the dance floor for our second date,” jimin said feeling fearless, teasing him a bit in the process, “well if i like the food you picked out for me, that is.”

“thats a deal park jimin, good thing we’re about to find out.” yoongi said, and less the a second later jimin could smell the delicious food being placed in front of him.

“do you want me to help you with that?” yoongi asked as he noticed jimin struggling a bit to find his fork.

“if you could please,” jimin was about to be fed by a stranger with the most mesmerizing voice. to say his heart was going to beat right out of his chest was no exaggeration.

a couple seconds later, yoongi let out an “open up,” and jimin was met with his favorite kind of pasta, shrimp scampi. jimin was glad yoongi picked out a meal he liked because this meant they had a chance at a second date and jimin couldnt wait.

immidiately jimin clicked the right button under his side of the table signaling he’s liked the dinner picked out by blind date partner. jimin quickly took off his blind fold and after his eyes adjusted to the bright lights in the room he was met with the most beautiful man he’s ever laid eyes on. his tanned skin was honey-like and there was a perfect contrast between his brown sugar skin and his plain white t-shirt. his wide gummy smile made his eyes turned to small crescent moons and at that moment jimin couldnt believe that such a perfect voice belonged to such a perfect human being.

“are you ready to put your dancing shoes on for our second date?” jimin asked as yoongi’s gummy smile grew in size.

———————

this story has very much been alive and well on ao3 give it love there!

thanks for reading <3

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #park jimin #min yoongi #yoonmin #jimin x yoongi #short story #bts aus #yoonmin are soulmates #bts smut

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Life After Snowpiercer: Whos Left?

Summary- 5.3k. Curtis x Y/N. Curtis takes Yona and Timmy towards the back of the train, finding unexpected survivors along the way. You are caught in a situation not so simple to escape from. Violence 

a/n- The scenes involving gun fire, I cant claim to know exactly how they work, seeing as Ive never dealt with them, so details might be sketchy. 

Chapter 5 / Masterlist

The group followed you, but hell if you knew where you were going, more and more people came out of the cars scattered around, equally in as much shock as you. Somewhere someone was wailing uncontrollably, there was still who knows how many guards in the car you all left, and right now the mix of people looking at You, of all people to tell them what to do. It was just overwhelming. Almost to much. You could feel your breathing rush in hurried huffs, and your senses starting to swarm.

Babygirl Breathe. 

Curtis Its to much. 

Think, you need to get them out of the cold first, Shelter. Pick the best car. 

Okay....

“Alright everyone were not gonna last out here, and its gonna be dark soon.” Shadows were starting to stretch around you all, and the sky above you all was going from a bright blue hue to purplish and bits of stars were scattering around. When you looked up, it was still like out of a dream. When did you last gaze at stars? “Is there any car anyone knows of that might have food, blankets... anything?” 

Everyone looked among one another, when someone you were least suspecting to see stepped forward, Paul, who had been taken from the tail end years ago cleared his throat. “That one on the end, its full of protein bars, the machinery is all broke, but that one and the one behind are still connected together when I came out, and it was abandoned before Curtis came through. Plenty of room for all of us.” You nod in agreement, and sure everyone stayed together, you all moved as a group. Falling back to where Paul brought up the rear, you walked beside him, silent for a bit. 

“Paul... have you been in that car this whole time?” You did the math, it was five or six cars up if the old maps in Gilliams place were correct. 

“Yea, it wasnt a bad gig” The man shrugged his shoulder. “Lonely, but I still got to see people a few times a day. They came to collect the bars, hand me the red letters.” 

Your brows come together, the ones Curtis depended on. “Red letters, the ones giving us clues on how to break out?” 

“Oh I dont know what they said, I was just told to place them in random bars and make sure they went out to the tail end.” Paul just stated as if it was common knowledge.

Fucking hell, this whole time it was a set up. The thought occurred to you, the weight of it was so heavy in your chest, you held back a sob. All those hours Curtis planned around the information sent. All of it just a set up. Why? 

“How was Curtis when he went through?” Was he okay? How long ago was this? Must have been a couple days ago at least. 

“He was fine Y/N, shocked to see me, and and pissed about the red letters, but hey, I do what Im told. Okay, this should be the one.” He broke away from you, and climbed up to the door, ducking inside. You glance over your shoulder, and your old car is barely in view, and you could see a few men standing near it, but unable to really tell if it the armed guards. Hopefully they are unable to get there shit together and try anything. Luckily you and the kids had a good amount of weapons collected before you bolted to the outside. 

Paul called from inside “Y’all can come on in.” Sara limped up next to you, pressing a red rag to her shoulder, looking up. “I’m gonna need help this time” You nod and lope an arm around her waist, feeling her weight lean into you. “I got you this time Sara, were in this together.” The woman flashed you a grateful smile, and together you two wait for the crowd to disperse inside. Once it was just the two of you, you climb up first and reach back, taking her good arm, and as quickly as you were able, you help her up into the doorway, and together you two enter. 

It was dim, but nothing like the tail end darkness, so your sight adjusts quickly, already people are huddling together, passing along protein bars, and mostly its quiet except for the occasional hushed whispers. The person wailing endlessly had since stopped in one of the many cars you all passed. Exhaustion and Shock kept you from searching them out. You should, guilt eats at you. But you turn away from the door for now, checking over the people instead. So far all the kids, including a few from the other cars all seemed fine. You knew Sara was bad off, and you found a few others with lacerations, bad bruises and concussions, and at least two who had a shoulder thrown out of joint. But the reports of those that couldn’t be helped was outstanding. 

The one thing you were relieved to find was that no one seemed to be fighting. It was a mix of all sorts of factions, there were at least ten cars that dropped, and it ranged from you tail enders, a few from the prison section from what you could tell by there clothing, and a few “lower class” carts that were still much better off then you all were. But now everyone simply were together, there was no breaking of class. Hopefully it would just stay that way. All in all, there were about 30 of you crammed in as tight as possible to stay warm. 

You moved back to the entrance and set on the edge, with the gun you had brought with you, keeping an eye on the landscape. Watching for any others to follow there trail, friend or foe. You roll up the collar of your coat you were wearing. It wasnt keeping you very warm, but better then nothing. Your eyes half closed hours later, and nodding off.

It was so damn cold... 

I know it is baby, you should close your eyes. 

Liar, thats just my mind playing tricks. 

All you could hear was his agreeing laughter, yea you couldnt sleep.

“Miss?” A warm hand came to your face, the back of it touching your wind burned ruddy cheeks, making you gasp in surprise and jump slightly. 

“Wh-at? Oh sorry... I must have nodded off.” 

The man smiled, settling down in the doorway across from you, his jacket was slightly heavier, but still clouds of breath escaped him to glide into the night. “Its okay, you should let me take over for a while? I know we dont know each other, but its not on just you to watch. I can help any more that might arrive inside.” 

You eye him, and he had warm eyes from what you can tell, god you wish you knew if you could trust him. “Im not just looking for more survivors. Our tail end was being held under guard. When we left, it was escaping them as well. Not many survived, but enough.” 

“Yes, we saw the guards come through after the revolution passed through.” Another sign of Curtis, further up from Pauls car. You couldn’t help but smile hearing about him, fuck you missed him terribly. You hid your smile in your coat, finally it passed and you turned back to the man. “He is a stubborn man when he wants something. And he wanted us out of the tail end.” 

“That he does, we had no cause to stand in there way, he passed us peacefully. Some of out people actually joined his cause. Its not as bad as your car, but we are tired of the imprisonment as well. My name is John by the way.” He held his hand out, and you unfolded yours from your sleeve, shaking his and gave your name as well. You werent going to give up your post, and he relaxed on the opposite side, apparently not willing to leave. You two were quiet for a time, when piercing through the night was the worst sound youve heard in a while. It kareened from the top of the cliff, a scream that echoed around the valley you were all stuck in. 

It made you jump up, leaning out of the doorway to look up. And John did the same, cussing softly “Fuck what was that?” You shook your head. 

“Nothing good.... “

 During the time You were settling the survivors in the car, Curtis paused panting, it had long since grown dark out, following the light of the stars above them, it made the snow glow silver, stretching out in front of them. The train didn’t seem this long when he was fighting his way through the cars. Of course then it was adrenaline fueling him on. This time it was exhaustion. “Timmy, lets take a break buddy.” The boy on his back tightened his arms around Curtis neck, not wanting to let go, muttering sleepily in against his neck. “Okay... just swing around man.” Curtis coached him, and soon he had the boy slid around to his chest, stepping over to stand next to Yona, who was already curled up against the side of the train to get out of the wind. She needed more clothes, better clothes, fuck. 

“Yona, take Timmy... “ Curtis pried the boys arms from around his neck, and she sleepily reached up to take the kid, drawing him into her. Curtis shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over them. Looking into the dark car they were huddling against, maybe there was some blankets in there. He heard rustling inside, but nothing more. Grabbing an outside bar, he pulled himself into the entrance to look inside He couldn’t make out anyone in the shadows, but that meant nothing. “I’m coming in, I don’t want any trouble.” 

Hearing nothing more, he slid inside, it didnt look like he was going to have much luck. Nothing but bodies scattered around, and axes, the smell of blood, dried blood prominent. Shit, this was the car from the bridge. Thats when he saw that the tied prisoners he had left behind were killed to, deep ax cuts to there neck, squatting near one, he studied the man, drawing his own conclusions. They must have finished off the rest after he left. Breathing in deeply and rubbing a hand against his face. They had the right to after all the torture they had endured over the years, but part of him was still disappointed in the death. So much fucken death. 

At least it was quicker then starving and shit, he thought. 

Its still wrong Curtis, they were unarmed at this point. 

Yea I know, but can you blame them. We were unarmed and starving in the tail end and they never gave a shit. 

A touch of your hand and sigh, you just were so damn tired in his mind. 

“Curtis?” a voice from the other end mentioned, and he pushed to a stand, brows furrowed at the noise, he swore he heard his name. “Hello?” 

“Curtis! back here!” It was louder, more urgent. He recognized that voice, Tam from the back, she had come up behind them once the fighting was done, helping the injured. Curtis made his way over the scattered bodies and debris scattered around, and what did he find, fuck he found a small group of his people, helping one another up, and others laying out side by side, ones that had injuries, preventing them from moving to much. Tam moved to grasp Curtis pulling him into an affectionate hug “Damn are we glad to see you! We lost most everyone Curtis, were all thats left. They came back through and pinned us down, claimed 74 percent of us were to be killed.” The tears streamed down her face freely, as she released him and pulled back. “they were about to march us back when the train, I’m guessing went off the track? It caught them unaware enough we were able to fight back. There wasn’t many.... but we just didn’t know what to do, what was ahead, if you, Tonya, Nam... the rest were still alive?” 

Curtis shook his head, swallowing down the sorrow. “No, they didn’t make it. Its just me, Yona, and I was able to get Timmy back. Not Andy, I never saw him.” 

Tams head hung for the loss of there friends, and Curtis turned his attention back to the door. “I got to go get Yona and Timmy, now that I know its you all, we we will stay here. Tomorrow those that can, we are going to see about whats left of the tail end. I was told they went over a cliff... but I have to know.” 

Tam nodded, as well as a few others that came to join in the conversation, Curtis questioned. “No ones seen Y/N, have they?” Maybe you didn’t listen, he could hope.

“No, she stayed in the back with the kids.... just like you told her she had to.” They had all seen you drag her back into Gilliams quarters just before it all started. Curtis sighed to himself, not his finest moment thinking back on it. It tore him to think now how you two left things. How you might not be.... 

STOP IT! You cant think that way. 

I shouldn’t have done that babygirl, left you in anger. 

No WE shouldn’t, we will fix this, go get the kids now. 

Turning away from the group, he made his way back, and looking out the door, he saw his two charges still under his jacket, hiding away. “Timmy, Yona, lets get inside, its safe.” Yona first poked her head out from there little hideaway, and pushed Timmy into a stand, the two of them making there way to the entrance. Reaching down, Curtis grasped Timmys arm and hauled him up the side, pulling him in “Go all the way to the back, Tam and them are up there.” The boy nodded and started to head towards the back, Curtis leaned down and took a wrapped Yoda by the arm, and she was slightly heavier, grunting with the effort and pain lacing his ribs as she scrambled best she could up the side, landing with a oof when she fell in. “Sorry Yona” He apologized while she brushed herself off and made to take off his coat to return it. “ no you hang onto it for now. I will take it back tomorrow morning. Maybe they have something back there you can use before we head out.”

“But your gonna freeze Curtis” Her head tilted, studying him. He dismissed it with a shake of his head and together they headed back to the group. Tam was kneeling next to Timmy, cupping his face and studying some of the bruises on his face. The boy was starting to come out of the trance state Curtis first found him in, talking more. He had yet to ask about his mother, and Curtis figured right now it would be to much to have that discussion, Not yet anyways. If he wasn’t asking, Curtis was content to let it just stay silent till they were all in a better place. 

“Our wounded, how bad are they?” Curtis asked another as he headed over to see whom was over there, it wasn’t your, or the it was Our, they were a group again, looking out for one another best they could. There looked like five or six, some perfectly silent, another one was groaning in his sleep. Tam came over, her arms folded around her “Bad, I don’t know if they will all make it. What I wouldn’t give for Y/N to be here, at least we would have some direction in what to do” Curtis clenched his jaw hearing this. 

Fuck I wish you were here to baby. He sighed inwardly, what he wouldn’t give to hear you tell him it would be okay. 

“The one i’m most worried about is Edgar, the wound is deep, and it took a while for the wound to clot. I mean hes conscious...” 

“Wait! Edgars alive?!” Curtis scanned over the covered people again, looking for anyone familiar. 

“Yea, hes that one up at the end, wait... you didn’t know Curtis?” Tam followed along behind and Curtis made his way over, and sure enough, Edgar was fast asleep, pale as hell, but damn it the kid was alive. “No, we left in such a hurry after the bridge...” He rushed his words to Tam, just in shock. Curtis collapsed to his knees next to him, relief just washing over him. “Fuck man its good to see you” He whispered, and beside him Edgar groaned and opened his eyes. 

“Yea man, its good to see you to.”

What happened hung in the air, but left unsaid for now, Curtis knew he had yet another apology to make, another mistake. Edgar went to sit up and Tam immediately put a stop to that. 

“You lay your ass back down Edgar. You lost to much blood to be moving around any, and that wound reopens, no telling if we can get it to stop.” With a roll of his eyes he fell back to lay still. Curtis looked questioning up at Tam.

“The knife missed the spine and vitals, but its deep enough to leave a gaping hole. It needs to be sewed up, or cauterized. But we just don’t have the materials.” Edgar raised enough to lean on his elbow. 

“Well someone should go looking for that shite, right?” Curtis was relieved to hear that accent of his once more, never thought he would hear it again. “I cant be laying up here the whole damn time.” 

It occurred to Curtis that maybe they could do one. “Yona... Yona, has my jacket. Nam gave me a smoke just before, theres some matches in the pocket.” Tam hurried over to where Yona was sleeping, searching in the pockets of his jacket. Rewarded when she pulled out the old half disintegrated book of matches, and miraculously they were still dry. Curtis started looking around for things to burn, searching the deads pockets for anything flammable. Finally having an plan in place, meant he could at least fix part of something. 

Having enough materials gathered, Curtis collected one of the Axes, cleaning off the dried blood caking the edge. He hoped the fire would burn off any other debris to keep from infecting Edgar. Tam worked on getting the fire hot, and Edgar laid on his stomach, watching the flames. Curtis eyes would glance up once in a while to catch his expression. Clouded, unsure if it was from pain, or remembering how Curtis how turned away when Masons men had the knife to his throat. Curtis couldn’t forget it, He shouldn’t have left him. 

“Edgar I---” 

“Stop man, were not doing this. Not now, not ever.” Edgar glared at him to shut him up, and Curtis closed his mouth, running the rag once more over the blades edge, there was a tiny spot, he swore he could see it although the axe gleamed spotless. 

Moments later, Tam blew lightly on the fire, and it went from hot reddish orange to white hot laces of blue. “I think this is as hot as were gonna get it Curtis, put the blade in.” She sat back, and rested her hands on her knee. “Edgar, your ready for this?”

“As ready as I’m gonna be” He winced a bit and settled in. Giving the axe time to heat, the trio remained silent, all till there was a slight smolder rising from the head pushed in the coals. “Bite on this” Tam informed, holding out a cloth. Reluctantly, cause damn this was gonna hurt like a bitch, Edgar wedged it in his mouth, nodding. 

Curtis moved to hes shoulders, his uninjured arm pressing on either side of his shoulder blades. Putting his weight behind it, he was sure Edgar would thrash, and it was vital to keep him as still as possible. He felt the man drawing in deep breaths and surprisingly he seemed relaxed under his hold, calm. Tam moved in close to Edgars side, lifting the handle of the ax and drawing it out of the fire. They had seconds to sear it shut, having the metal hot enough to scar him closed. Curtis gave a curt, ‘Im ready’ nod, and Tam laid the broad side of the axe right over the wound. 

It was a hiss at first, the scent of burning flesh rising almost immediately, and Edgar tensed rigidly, trying to push away and the noise. The noise was probably the hardest part to deal with. Not the smell, not feeling Edgar try to escape pain. It rose so sharply, that Edgar lost what he was biting on, and it just seemed magnified from where they were in the hollowed car. Curtis almost lost his hold on him, having to dig in his heel and lean fully into him. “Come on Edgar, its gonna be okay, were almost done” 

His words had no meaning, and finally after a bit, Edgar just collapsed under him, Tam yanked the axe away, and Curtis broke into a sob, dropping his forehead to lean against the passed out Edgars head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry... “ his voice dragged out. Edgar was like his brother, this on top of everything else just fuck was tearing him. After a few moments to calm himself down, Curtis leaned over to check that he was breathing fine. Thank fuck he passed out, Curtis could hear your worry edging your voice. The wound, make sure its sealed Curtis.... 

His hand slid down Edgars back, and deep redness had settled in, around the cut it was black, a few shallow boils forming, but all in all, the hole was shut. “I think we got it Tam” He said as released his hold on Edgar and Tam as careful as could be dragged the blanket up to where the wound was still red hot, not daring to put anything on it. 

“What do you wanna do next Curtis?” Tam moved over to sit next to him, drawing her legs up and staring into the fire that was loosing its drive to burn, having scored most of the material into ash at this point. Curtis nudged some of it with his boot, shifting the coals. Already he was falling into that leader roll, he could sense others were listening into there conversation, waiting to see what he would say. 

I wonder how they would feel if they knew I caused the train to derail. 

No different babes, now were not prisoners anymore, were actually free to make our own choices for our future. 

“Going to check on the end cars like my original plan was. There is probably survivors and we have to check on our people, if they survived, there might be some that need help with injuries. Then back towards the front, theres food up there, the cars up there are in better shape.”

“What about the front enders?” Tam questioned, and Curtis looked at her with a shrug.

“They either accept us, or we will push them out. Thats been the goal this whole time, and I’m not stopping now.” So matter of fact, Tam went silent, and together they waited till morning to come seeping in, a new day, a new way of life. 

You were watching the beginning of your first sunrise, and you couldn’t help the tears that yet again got caught in your lashes. There are different kinds, and in the past few days you shed them all. Grief, pain, fear... but these felt different, rewarding. There salty drops fell on your lips and a flick of the tongue collected them before you brushed them away. John stretched and with a pop of his arms over his head, he moved to a stand. “I’ve seen many of these over the years... “ You look up in surprise, then consider, well maybe his section had windows. “... But this is the best damn sunset i’ve seen.” 

“Its the first one I’ve seen in seventeen years” You remarked, blinking against the light bouncing off the ice and snow. “And I have to say its more beautiful then I remember it being.” 

I wish you could see this Handsome, a wistful tone in your thoughts. 

I am baby, almost the best thing I’ve ever seen.... almost. 

Love you to Curtis. 

While you were admiring the arrival of light, a flash out of the corner of your eye catches your attention, and you tilt your head to the side to see what it was. Mistake.... as you found out when a sharp whizz blew over your head and bounced off the metal with a loud ping and sparks flew, both you and John tumbling back with wide eyed gasps. “What the fuck!” he exclaimed and you scramble low to rest the weapon you stole from them the day before out the entrance of the car. 

“Remember how I told you we were being held under guard? Well... I might have stabbed one in the eye just before the train derailed. They want us back for other things as well.” 

“Do you even know how to use that Y/N?” John asked as he to ducked out of line of sight, staying further hidden then you. 

“No, but I can give an educated guess. How about you see if there is someone back there who does?” You use the scope to look, they were still a distance off, and with luck John would be back sooner with someone who knew how to use one of these thing. So far nothing more has been fired, since you no longer made yourself a target, but you tried to study them, count how many there were. So far give made up the line, but who knows, some might be on the other side of the train, holding back... You scanned away from the edge, across the landscape, but that didn’t hold anything worth noticing. Maybe, just maybe there were only five left. Five fully trained to use there weapons men. FUCK. 

“Hey, found someone!” John exclaimed and a petite woman slid up beside you, glancing over the edge. “These bastards wanna play fire with fire? Lets give them some back.” Well damn, you hand it over immediately as she made herself comfortable. “Johanna by the way, nice to meet you Y/N” she caught you by surprise knowing your name, and she smirked. “Hey I was a few car up from John, weve all heard of you tail enders and your revolution. About fucken time.” She peered into the scope and flipped off the safety. Seeming to take measure of where she was aiming, Johnana proved patient. John had long sense disappeared back among the group to gather more bullets, hopefully they had enough to keep this new threat back.

It was so sudden, her finger was resting on the trigger, and then a couple shots went off, she barely flinched at the moment, but you cringed with them both. A curse muttered from her lips as she pulled back “They are sticking pretty close to the train, hard to get a shot off at this side angle, but they are now at least aware were not defenseless.” 

Curtis shook his head at Yona, who stood defiant before him, her arms crossed over her chest and head tilted to the side. “Your not going, thats that. Stay here and help look after the others.” 

“That is foolish, I can help.” She pushed, trying her hardest to convince him. “My dad... he might be out there.” A softer tone making her look down, trying to also convince herself that maybe, just maybe he survived. Curtis squatted down closer to her level, his hands cupping her face to make her look at him. 

“Yona, I swear if hes alive, I will bring him back, okay? After everything he did for us, you have my word. I really need you here, Timmy trusts you more then these others, and Edgar needs to be taken cared of. Please, can you do this for me?” 

This seemed ot appease the young woman, who gave a nod relenting and once they both agreed to these terms, she went to Edgars side, kneeling beside him and touching his forehead. The man was still asleep, and Curtis hoped it wasnt a sign of any kind of fever, although Tam remained nearby constantly hovering. His back was still an angry red, but it wasn’t as intense feeling of heat rolling from the wound, so that was something. 

Gathering others to join him, they all worked there way out of the train. Mostly they had axes shared among them, there were a few discarded rifles from the earlier battle at the bridge, in which Curtis himself collected one, slinging it around to hang off his back. They went in a single file, the few of them that joined, and every car they came to, they checked for survivors. After the brutal cold night, they weren’t successful in find any stragglers. Before they even got to the cliffs edge, a noise was brought to them. Sounds like... gunshots. The whole group looked at one another and sped up, pushing through the snow as fast as they could break through it. Once they reached the cliff, they looked down to see what the hell was going on. 

The cars below were scattered around, some on there sides, some had still somehow remained upright, but it was a mess, there old car, the tail end was on its side, dented and half split at the seam. It must have hit the hardest the way it was bounced away from the others, sure its momentum had dragged the rest down with it.. From what Curtis could see, the survivors were pinned in one car, the one that seemed to still be upright, by the cliff face. Those outside of the car, Wilfords men, the ones Wilford issued the kill orders to. Shots were exchanged with from a group of men pressing along another car for coverage. But a scan of showed others coming up the backside. Shit... He was sure none of them had any idea there was more then what those that was shooting at them. 

Curtis swung the weapon he carried around, and took aim best he could. There was no telling at this distance and his general inexperience if he was close to any of the targets, the couple others that also had the same advantage took up sentry on each side of him. Picking a target, Curtis took a breath and steadied himself till his sight wasn’t shaking. A breath out, and he pulled that trigger. The resounding BOOM flooded the valley, snow spitting up feet from the man. He missed but the guy stumbled back and raced around the corner of the car. Curtis other companions also fired at around the same time. And one aimed just so, the guard falling back with a burst of red scattering across the snow. Direct kill shot. 

Surprised at now being shot above, the rest scrambled away, heading away from the cliff face and using the demolished cars for cover, they soon were out of sight for the time being. Curtis swung the rifle in a sweeping motion, checking before going to the pinned car, and studying it for movement. 

Thats when he caught a glimpse. It was not even a second, and Curtis could only guess that it was actually You, but it was enough for his chest to tighten painfully, and all those other things just narrow into one single thought. 

YOU WERE ALIVE. 

@curtisbbq @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

@jtargaryen18 @thatweirdwalangpake @official-and-unstable-satan​

#snowpiercer #curtis everett #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett x y/n #chris evans #trauma #violence

[appsa]

thoughts on glimmer accepting catra despite the you know, manslaughter? esp after blaming adora for it?

I think about this a lot tbh?? And i wish they had gone through with it in the show but also like... i understand they had time constraints on how much they could show.

I think throughout the series we see adora take on this role of the protector for the people she loves and do whatever she can to fulfill it, no matter the personal cost. And shes good at that role but also it leads to people having unfair expectations of her. sometimes she falls short on that cause shes not perfect no matter how much she wants to be, and that leads to resentment.

This is what happened when catra blamed adora for her abuse, thinking that adora never helped her in any way that got her on shadow weavers bad side. Which. Is unfair because adora was also just a child and never should have been responsible for that. (Esp when adora DID try to shield catra from it in ways she could)

Same thing happens with glimmer. Adora saved the entire world but let her mom die.

I think in s5 both of them had this realization that adora is just a person thrust into this role doing her best and doesnt deserve the blame that they put on her. And thats smth i wish they had talked about at some point tbh.

In terms of like... why glimmer was ready to talk to catra while imprisoned, when she went so far to blame adora for smth catra did then like... i think that can be drawn to the circumstances they were in.

They were so lonely and literally the only other familiar faces on the ship. Glimmer recognized that catra was just as much a prisoner as her even if she refused to admit it. Both of them were at their lowest point, having fucked up so bad that they probably believed that noone would even be willing come to save them for a long while too. So they just make do with the one person on the ship thats familiar, definitely doesnt mean they trust each other (glimmer literally says this in corridors).

Tbh i think catras sacrifice in that ep rly was when glimmer saw that catra was genuinely sorry for her actions and wanted to repent.

And the next episode glimmer spends the entire time trying to make up for her almost world ending fuck up to her friends so like. It'd be hypocritical if she, of all people, didnt give catra a chance when glimmer is the reason prime was going to conquer etheria.

Like. Catra may be the reason glimmers mom had to sacrifice herself but what glimmer did almost made that sacrifice completely useless. It would mean her mom died for nothing and etheria got destroyed anyway.

Its not a perfect resolution but... i just think that glimmer would understand where catra was coming from (maybe even better than adora) just because theyre so similar in terms of who they are as people and the mistakes they made.

#spop #ask #glitra friendship is just etherias 2 biggest fuck ups forgiving each other because if they didnt then noone else would #and i think thats rly great for them #lmao i had a fic i was writing before s5 dropped going thru all this but never finished rifp #shut it apsa #should i like make a meta tag at this point zjxxhzjxj #ill just call it 'apsas hot take of the day' #meta

[usedtobeyours]

try hard dick energy: a fairytale

try hard dick energy got his nickname after almost 3 months of me seeing him

he used to be soft dick energy first. 

we met through friends, as i usually like it to go. 

on a regular thursday, we started chatting and we kind of fit. his music seemed to be a perfect match to my favorites. i listened to his playlist that whole week. 

a week later we met at said friends’ home, on the day before a holiday. 

my first impression was meh. but than again, it had been over 5 months since i even kissed another guy. 

conversation went on, and my thinking was: wow, i can actually be friends with this dude

then we got drunk and he ended up waiting for when my friend went to the bathroom to kiss me. again, a meh kinda kiss. but again, 5 months. it still felt nice, butterflies and all. 

i was on my period, maybe day four of it. after my friend went to sleep, we started drunkenly making out and he tried taking my clothes off. i was like no, no way, i have my period. and he said he didn’t mind. i wasnt sure i did. 

then, a call that was just the best to get. friend #2 coming home from a date. we chatted on the dining room and i tried keeping her there for as long as i could before she started bobbing her head. to this day, he swears i was making faces at her for her to leave. that’s certainly not how i remember that. 

she went to bed, we made out for a while, i took my menstrual cup out and we fucked. and we slept just as we were. i don’t remember much, but i do remember him saying: “was it too fast?” and like a good girl, i said it didnt matter. that’s how he got his soft dick energy nickname as i retold that story on the day after.

oh, the day after. we slept at around 6, and he was out of the apartment as i was still sleeping. my friends and i wanted to go to the beach, but that part of the story doesn’t matter much for this tale. we talked. and talked.

on thursday, two days later, i was headed to my guy best friend’s house bringing my other best friend - #1 from the first story. he picked us up from her place - his place was closest to my guy best friends house, but he did it anyway. we sat, and we got high, and drunk. we made out whenever everybody wasn’t around. i had to teach him that people don’t smoke inside people’s homes without asking - and in the window. duh.  

he then left for a weekend away with his friends. it was the first time i missed him, and i spiraled into a weird depression mood from lack of attention. that’s how needy i was. am. 

from then on we didn’t see each other for two whole weeks. he traveled, then i traveled, and weekdays were never his thing. we still talked everyday, and kept up with each others lives. we shared stickers, and said we missed each other. just the weird 16 year-old romance i yearned for. 

we met again three weeks later. he really wanted to go to my girl best friend’s house, but she didn’t really want him there. we went for a beer on the beach - which turned into 6 really quick. by 10 pm, he forced his way into my girlfriends’ house, even though she didnt want him there. we made out a bit, and he left. i was so in love.

then the chat continued slower than before. carnaval went by, he didn’t want to join us for it. i moved, he didn’t want to come by. we seemed to chat, but it always revolved around him. he took up 3 weeks of my therapy sessions, but i kept chatting. it was good. it filled up my neediness - and my time. it was like a long distance relationship. weekends were lonely and kind of sad. my luck is that bracco was in rio, and i was getting to know noemi. they kept me busy. 

he moved into a new apartment. it was around his birthday. i think it 15 days that we didnt see each other, but it felt like a month. that day it was all SO clear to me. 

you invited me over to your place. i hadnt seen you in forever, but you said i shouldnt bring anything. i drank a beer on my way there, out of nervousness. i also brought you m&ms. your roommate was wearing a bra in the living room. she was nice, we drank beer, smoked, and chatted. it felt weird. and then, she came up with the whole depressed comment.

let me explain: we were talking about her sabbatical, she wanted to go away for a year once she was 27. i was sharing resources and a bit of my miami experience. she then said: “oh, miami. thats where you got depression”. as if depression was something you catch. as if i told her about it. as if you told her about it and she felt we had a relationship where she could just bring that up?! not sure. i was weirded out for the rest of the night. at some point, you brought me into your room and kissed me. i couldnt really get into it. you said: “we dont have to do anything”, but you kept kissing and groping me. it’s not like you backed off and said: “whats going on?”

so i caved, and we fucked. and it was mechanical. and short. and plain out boring. i left 20 minutes after, and you seemed to be happy i did. 

my brain was a mix of feelings. i was in love, but then everything about that night was so fucking weird. being with you felt weird. the next day, you were weird too... i tried calling, but you called me back right when it was bbb time. 

and i was talking to noemi in the balcony, and it was a whole thing about not being available for people who dont show themselves available. we didnt talk again until saturday, and i decided to cut you off for good. i unfollowed you on social, unfollowed myself from your page, deleted your number. it wasnt until wednesday that you realized and reached out. 

you were all: we havent talked to each other in a week, and im also to blame for that... and so i told you i was upset about more than one thing that happened on wednesday, you exposed me to your roommate and i felt invaded. so i decided to pull myself away from this relationship. you apologized, but took no responsability for the rest of non caring. and thats what i wanted. so i cut you off. 

it was two weeks, and two therapy sessions in which my therapist said i should have talked to you before cutting you off. and turning you off was good: i started focusing on shit that mattered to me. 

but then i rethought it all. and i said, maybe we should have a grown up conversation. so i followed you, and opened up the conversation again. you said you were happy - you never thought you’d hear from me again. 

but you did. and i told you i was open for talking, and for getting things back as they were. you said you were too, but then you disappeared for two other weeks. 

and i felt done. over it. truly with no intent to see it moving. conversation was off and on. until last week it took on again. and we chatted for two days before you suggested a visit to my place. i was okay with it, cause then again, quarantine neediness is always present. and - for the first time ever - you were here on friday. you brought wine and condensed milk.

we chatted for two hours and it was boring as fuck. i hoped my roomies would join us. they did. and so did our friends. we drank and smoked and talked until 2, once again. but you decided to stay over, they went home, and it was just the two of us. 

i wanted to sleep. everything felt so fucking awkward. i pretended to fall asleep while you cuddled me. so fucking odd. i just wanted to me alone and starfish my bed while hovering all my pillows. and then you noticed i wasn’t up for sex, or making out for that matter.

you asked: are you still upset over my roommate?

i said no. why would i be? we talked it over and it’s over. do you want to talk about this still?

you said no. but you still felt something wrong.

and i said, yes. something is wrong. sex has never been good with you. i need you to have something we call pegada.

and you made an excuse once or twice. but somehow we hooked up again and you had pegada.

we fucked, and it was good, for once. better than “huh, i guess i had sex”

i fell asleep, feeling it was so weird to have you here.

i woke up to my alarm, got ready, and you wouldnt budge. i said i had to go, and you said you wanted to sleep in. i said i would be back in an hour, and i went to work.

you texted at work. you used my computer and god knows what you digged up off it. 

and then i came back, we had breakfast, and you didnt want to leave. we cuddled and watched a show. you tried kissing me but position was all weird. yet, it was good having you around.

you had a whole 2 hour meeting in my bedroom, in my computer. shivers. the whole time i was telling my roommate: the affection is nice, but oh no, im done.

and after your meeting we fucked gooood good. you got a promotion on your soft dick title. and fuck, i fell into it as well.

you left right after, as if you knew you got me hooked again. and again, chatting daily, you dont feel there. but we made plans for saturday.

mafe, mafe. why again. this boy definetly doesnt want you the same way you want him. yet you;re still there, as available as ever... i thought writing this might give me clarity. nope. 

[eremika-forever12]

Eremika Fanfic: Remember Me!?

(Previous Chapters)

Chapter - 1

Chapter - 2

Chapter: 3

Eli peeps through the door of his house which was kept slightly ajar...

He scans around the house with his big green eyes trying to spot someone particular...

The house looks almost empty while Eli hears whistle coming from kitchen side...

His Mom must be up there cooking something....Eli sighs in relief thinking he wont be needing to face her at the moment.

Just when his breath got caught as he feels two hand on his shoulder from the back....

Eli hears the sarcastic tone from back “ Woww....Eli....Whom are you searching?”

Eli swiftly turns around as he jumps back letting the door open completely while being already inside the house....

Eli grins nervously as he stares at the person standing infront of him now “ Errm....Nothing...I Just....Hahaha(nervous laughter)....You Scared Me Mom”

Mikasa raising her one brow as she stands while folding her hands “ Oh Really! Eli is scared....of ME? I See....Thats really something astonishing....”

Mikasa lets out a cuckle while watching Eli staring at her widely still confused on something....

Eli giggles awkwardly- Ah Very Funny Mom! Errmmm I go & change my clothes....

Eli quickly turns around & was about to leave when Mikasa calls him out “ Wait....Ermmm did you come home a bit early today?”

Eli stiffens as he started shaking a bit but controls as he says hesitantly “ No...ermmm...The school....I...actually....our class ended early today...nothing else mom...I better go change my clothes”

Before Mikasa could reply Eli ran upstairs to his room....

While Mikasa kept on wondering all confused “ Why does it feel like...Eli is being tensed or worried due to something!”

As soon as the thought strikes her...Mikasa ‘s protective instinct immediately activated...as Mikasa frowns “ Is he hiding something from me!”

**********

Eli closes the door behind him quickly as he starts to take deep breaths. He gulps hard as he started to feel all nervous....he never really lies to his mom & has always been honest with her.

But today....he had to lie....or else his mom would be super upset with him knowing he didnt attend school today instead ran away even bit far due to his over flowing emotions! And he hates to make his mom upset....if his mom gets to know the truth not only she will be upset, she will be mad at him too for running away like this....!

Eli could feel himself shaking slightly as he slides down the door and sits on floor...

What's happening to him! Why was he feeling scared all of sudden!

All of sudden flashes of those pair of deep green eyes came to his mind...

Eli gasps....that man....he followed him all the way....to give him his water bottle! But How come he didnt notice him back then in that barren destructed area....

Eli remembers that silhouette hovering over him from behind....Was that...that guy?

But....he didnt saw anyone there! Eli could feel a gush of fear running through his veins...

He never felt this much scared in his life....it wasnt only fear....but it is something else which is haunting....him!

Was he scared of those two men who almost bullied him & he was about to hit them back! No....he has started fight & opposed many....but he never felt such ever! He isnt afraid of anyone....

Eli tries to calm his breathing to make his mind stable....

If he keeps on shaking like this & be nervous all time....his mom would surely caught his lie perfectly!

Nor that he ever escaped by telling lies to her....he didnt even lie much....due to his mom's super active nervous system! She surely detects his made up stuffs so he in the end just stopped making them up....Eli bets already that his mom must have already identified something....

Lost in the thoughts Eli suddenly freaks out as he hears a loud knock on the door of his room...

“ Eli....Have you change your uniform yet? Come down honey....I have cooked your favourite dish today!”

Eli starts panicking as he quickly push himself to the door so that Mikasa cant open the door & come in.

Hearing a thud against the door concerns Mikasa as she asks “ Eli....Hey! Is everything alright? Should I come in?”

Eli freaks out as he says hurriedly “Noooo....I....I am fine Mom! Just err....I am coming...”

Mikasa with doubtful voice- Err....Well...Okay I am waiting....Hurry! The food will be cold...

Saying this Mikasa hesitantly leaves from there while Eli pushes his ears against the door as he hears his mom's foot steps fading away making him believe that she actually left!

Eli sighs in relief....he better acts all normal infront of his mom Now....or else she will really be mad at him!

**********

As Eli munches the bread & steak together....Mikasa keenly notices Eli is lost in some thoughts as he eats his lunch...

His little adorable face was reflecting worry & tension moreover Eli wasnt even looking at her all these while....it was like he was trying not to make an eye contact with Mikasa! And Mikasa well knows he does it when he tries to hide sommething...

Taking a bite from the bread , Mikasa from no where breaks the sillence “ Hiding something Eli?”

Eli stiffens as he looks up at His mother- Huh?

Mikasa boringly- You wanna spill the beans?

Eli stammers a bit but raises his voice- Huh? What...Wh...at are you talking about?

Mikasa shrugs as she stares at Eli with a suspicious look and replies all calm “ You know Eli....your face reflects everything! So....is everything okay? Like in school? You might share with me!”

Hearing the word school , Eli in his high pitch tone replies “ Damn Mom! Whats wrong with you? SINCE I HAVE COME HOME YOU JUST KEEP ON SUSPECTING ME AS IF I DID SOME KIND OF CRIME! I HAVE ENOUGH OF THIS!”

Saying so Eli runs upstairs shocking Mikasa as she calls him back from behind “ Eli Wait...What the hell is wrong with ya! Come down right now....”

Mikasa hears sound of closing the door with force from upstairs....she was hell confused with such behaviour!

She kept on staring upstairs wondering did she actually say something wrong this time! She was simply asking her son to open up and share his problems with her!

Mikasa calls again “ Eli! Eli! Are you hearing me? Come down!”

Getting no response from Eli....Mikasa sits back on the chair with a huff...

Mikasa feels empty all over inside....She isn't understanding what she have to do to make Eli understand that she only cares for his safety! After all these time she has only lost her close ones every now and then....And now she only have Eli!

She cant afford to loose him....now..

(Flashback) ( 5 Hours Back To Mikasa Armin Conversation )

Armin says hesitantly- Will you be able to forgive him even if he returns from his grave?

Mikasa being emotionless- I dont know what are you talking about...

Armin became suddenly furious- You know very well What I am talking about! Eren might be our friend but that doesn’t change the fact that he has killed so many people during the rumbling & before....This world wont forgive him....Neither me...even if he is dead...

Mikasa snaps at Armin- Really? Then this should also apply with Annie too? Doesnt it? She killed so many people too for whatever reason....if you can give her a second chance....no you not only gave second chance....you eventually fell in love with murderer Armin...then Why not Eren? He had reasons for his actions & you in the end accepted his actions & we all created an Aly with him....What happened now Armin?

Armin astonished- Oh Wooo Hold On! We allied with him cause we had no other options after what he did...even if it was good for the mankind....Does it really change truth? Will it change the viewpoint of people? And about Annie...I never forgave her for what she did to our people in scouts! And she knows it too .... we just settled an understanding between us...But here we are talking about Eren Yeager...He almost exterminated people around the island of paradis...he is known as humanity's enemy...no matter what we consider him as...this fact wont change...and this is the only danger for Eli ‘s life!

Mikasa remains mum and stares at the blonde’s blue eyes...

As he continues- Listen Mikasa you might think I hate Eren now or Something like that....But to be honest I cant hate him! For god sake he was my best friend but at same time he had done crimes which cant be ignored....honestly I feel...it is good that he is gone!

Mikasa gave a look at Armin which clearly was murderous but Armin continued inspite of that “ Cause my concern is Eli....I wonder how will he react when he will know his father's truth...I know you are not planning to tell him anytime soon but one day he will learn! One day people will learn his truth....And I am afraid for that day...And due to this I believe Eren is dead for good! Atleast as time will pass by...people will tend to get adjust with history while rumours of Eli being Eren's son will soon fade & Eli existence wont be a problem for them...but if Eren appears from nowhere in your life which wont be but incase if such a miracle happens...it wont be good for Eli!”

Mikasa doesnt say a word...just kept on staring at Armin....

Her eyes were blank & empty but he could notice the pain in them which she was trying to supress....his intention was not to hurt her...but he had to speak the fact so that she can start accepting it.

Realising Mikasa wont say anything....Armin decides to leave...

He turns around and was about to step toward the door when he halts and looks at Mikasa “ I have no business in telling what to do & what not! But I want to suggest you tell Eli the truth of his father before he comes to know from else where! And try to understand him Mikasa....dont lock him up in this house! It wont help but will only make him lonely....Handle him with care thats all I wanna say!”

(Flashback ends)

Mikasa sighs....thinking of what Armin said! She doesnt know what Armin said was right or wrong! She knows one thing...Armin was right about Eren's deeds...

He has killed people & that wont change...can she forgive him for that? She doesnt know...& she doesn't agree to Armin ‘s not able to forgive Eren behaviour!

She wont be judging Eren's behaviour unless she gets to know proper reason for hid actions....there were so many unspoken words between them...

He promised her he will return alive to her after everything is fixed....no matter what he promised this time he would come back to his home...thats Her!

She could feels her cheeks getting wet again....Mikasa wipes her tears off hurriedly as she tries to control her emotions....

She might not really care about his sins now , what matters to her that he should be alive....Armin cant be right about this...he cant be DEAD! EREN NEEDS TO COME BACK...

But right now she has to take care of someone else...she will make everything Alright for her little baby...

Mikasa gets up from the seat as she heads upstairs...

********

Gigantic monsters were running towards one direction....there were plenty of them...steam were coming from all sides...

Eli was laying on ground as he opens his eyes to the sound of rumbling....

He was in state of shock as he looks around.....

Those creepy monsters were all around him....as if like their prime aim is to hunt him down...

Eli starts screaming in fear as his eyes become blurry due to tears...

Eli cries out as he stands on his feet “ Mom....Mom....Save me! Mom....Help!”

He tries to look around for his mom but seems like he was all alone in that huge field....

Without wasting time he started running to opposite direction where he saw a gap to escape from those huge humanoids....

Eli was trying to run as fast as he could but those monsters were faster than him......all he could do was run & run & not look back....

He was breathing rapidly....his small legs were hurting....as he kept on running all he could see was death bodies all around him...they were scouts...

Eren's eyes widen as he could identify those uniforms on dead bodies ....it was same as uncle Armin ‘s.

He was scared now more....what happened here?! He didnt know and doesnt care....he needs to search his mother...

Eli cried out if fear as he kept running “ Mom.....Mom.....”

He turns back and was shocked to hell as he saw those monsters so close to him, one hand was trying to reach him as he doges his head from the clutch....of the monster...

All of a sudden Eli freaks out in fear as a monster body just falls infront of him....scaring the hell out of him as he starts wailing loudly....

But then he realises the Monster wasnt moving as blood spilled out from its neck and steam was coming out..

How did it die! But there is no time to wonder....as Eren found himself standing infront of a huge monster which was smiling at him....not exactly but its teeth and face were like it was smiling...it had a different body structure....

Eli couldn't move a bit...he completely froze at its spot...the gigantic hand was approaching towards him....his voice wasnt coming out....his tears just dried out as he felt completely frozen and in shock stage....

The hand was about to make a grip on him when he suddenly found himself being carried out by another monstrous hand as it took him far away from that smiling monster clutch but surprisingly the monstrous grip wasnt hard or rough...it held him delicately....Eli slowly looks around...to see who was this...

With fear & tears in his eyes he stares at it & he was just shocked to what he just saw...Eli finds out a human coming out from the nape of monster....

He couldnt clearly see the face but their eyes met as the monstrous hand brought him closer to him .....

The green eyes stared deeply into his as he speaks “ You Are Safe...”

Eli couldnt speak a word instead he was just staring back at his eyes....

The eyes.....spoke something different to him but before he could see his face....Eli finds himself falling from the monsters hand as some one cuts his hand off....

Eli screams out of his lungs but before any thing could happen....that same green eyed man held him this time by his own hand....and stopped him from falling as he was hanging in air...

He speaks “ Dont worry Eli...I wont let anything happen to you”

Everything started to vanish around while the little green eyed boy stared at the green eyed DEVIL...

And just then Eli started to realise something he has seen those pair of eyes before too....

“ Aaaaaa.....Wait......”

Eli wails out as he opens his eyes wide as he tries to hold something in air....

Hearing his loud scream....Mikasa opens her eyes quickly as she raises her head up from the bed....

Mikasa finds out Eli staring at the ceiling while his one hand was raised in the air making a fist....

Mikasa worried as she quickly gets up from ground and sits on Eli's bed besides him.

All this time Mikasa was siting near Eli's bed when she found Eli slept off after retorting her back...

The sun had already set....and the time was nearing to night....more likely past the evening...

All these while she was only staring at her child's face lovingly which resembled so much like Eren when he used to be sleeping....Eli looked so calm when his eyes were closed and he was in deep slumber....

Mikasa ran her hand through his black hair trying to not wake him up & let him sleep so that his anger subsides....during this she herself doesnt know when her eyes closed and she slept putting her head on his bed..

Her sleep just broke when she heard Eli ‘s loud scream out of fear....

Mikasa as she quickly pulled Eli out of bed and brought him close to her chest...

She noticed tears in corner of his eyes & cheeks completely wet...which implies he has been crying all these while...

Worry took place on Mikasa as she hugged him closely and asked softly “ Eli What happened baby? Did you have a bad dream?”

Eli clutches her gown in fear as he hugs her in return, only whispers absent minded “ That Man....I Saw....”

Mikasa could hear his blabbering...

She pulled his face back so that she could stare at him while breaking his trance....

Mikasa asks “ Sweet heart! You okay? What happened?”

And Just then Eli realises he was in his home near his mom....

Eli in his child like voice as tears fell “ Mumma...I...we... are at home!”

Mikasa rubbing of his tears “ Yes Eli we are at home....Did you have a bad dream?Why are you crying?”

Eli stares back at Mikasa with his wide eyes shocked....as realisation hits him upon...

Those eyes....he dreamt of those eyes....so many times....and today....

Wait he saw those eyes somewhere....flashes of that limping stranger face came on his mind at once....when he stared at him with his green eyes....

Eli freaks out “ That man....I saw that man....”

Mikasa confused “ What man are you talking about Eli?”

Eli looks at Mikasa shocked and realises he wont be telling his mother about that man he met today & that his eyes resembles to the man's eyes which oftenly comes in his dreams & everytime saves him from those monsters....but who is that man? How come he arrives in his dreams! And those monsters....

Eli hugs his mom out of fear as he starts crying.. water pouring down his eyes as he sniffs..

Mikasa was terrified “ Eli....What happened? Dont get scared....Mumma is here and everything will be fine!”

Eli stammers as he cries- mom...m...I saw those monsters again....

Mikasa stiffens a bit knowing well what he was talking about....

Eli continues as he cries “ They almost caught me but I ran and ran....I searched you mom but you werent there....I was all alone... I....was scared...”

Mikasa rubbing his back as she tries to calm him down as his voice was breaking her own heart “ Sssh Eli...Everything is fine....I am here now with you! Ssh you are safe!”

Eli whimpers “ Mom....why...t..those th...ings come in my dreams! And that man...”

Eli stops as he realises what he was spilling....but mikasa caught his word as she asks worriedly ” Which man?”

Eli taking deep breath as his cries subsided a bit “ Its...A....man everytime...rescues me”

He carefully said the truth without revealing much....

Mikasa remains silent for a while as she cuddles Eli and says while placing kiss over his hair “ See....In the end you are safe....thats what matters”

Eli curiously as he looks at his mom “ But those monsters....why do they always try to harm me? From many years....they only come in my dreams....do they really exist mom?”

Mikasa knows the feeling of seeing those monsters in dreams....she also experiences same thing but difference is she only sees Eren leaving her alone forever, disappearing into a group of titans....and never returning back...

But one thing she never understood why and how does Eli gets those dreams? He never got to know about titan existence not yet...he never experienced those fears which she and Eren did then how...

Eli calls her out breaking her thoughts “ Mom....”

Mikasa looks back at Eli and smiles “ No they dont....there is no such things which exist...its all in your head..dont worry nothing will harm you...I wont let anyone do that...”

Mikasa hugs her son as she pats his back while Eli remains lost in thoughts wondering how come those green eyes in his dreams matches with that limping stranger’s green eyes when such gigantic monsters dont even exist...

Does that mean that green eyed saviour is REAL?

P.S Okay I guess this chapter was bit boring but then it was necessary for the future chapters 😂 Anyways do like, comment and share.

#attack on titan #eren x mikasa #armin arlert #eremin #shingeki no kyojin #mikasa ackerman #eren yeager #eremika #eremika fanfic

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

#personal rant #confession

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

#blackgirlology #black girl #black power #black love #black blogger #Black Blogs #music #blog #blogger #journal #journaling #diary entry #diary of a black girl #diary #dear diary #tumblr diary #dreams

[ask-arclight-varus]

So I heard this song in the radio today while being out with my mother. And those lyrics hit me so hard..

Vent beneath.

Its been almost 5 months since we broke up and I still have mixed feelings about it. One side its very good that its over cause im happier.. but there is still a part of me that tells him that it shouldn't have ended like that; our connection was so strong.. Yet there was so much wrong..

I literally flew to Canada to be closer to him, and we never met despite being 1hour away from each other.. Never call or anything and I was a 'drama queen' for being mad at him cause he lied to me when i needed him the most.

Things were really getting fishy and wrong..I just couldnt recognize him anymore..it wasnt the same guy i knew since almost 9 years Not the same guy i was dating for almost 2 years.. Not the same guy that promised me a ring after his med studies or moving in together in the coming year..

It really hurts me.. cause i really believed in this.. in his promises, in his words. But again I was blinded against one thing i always told myself.. Actions speak louder than words..

Even if being with him felt right, even if he built me up despite me being stuck in a bad depression and anxiety. I suppose thats why It was so hard for me to let him go.. I was scared to lose my safety haven.. He was the best thing that had happen to me in years.. I never expect things to go down like this.. But i guess everyone changes eventually..

I was already thinking; ah shit imma go down again..with depression and anxiety.. I had given everything in this relationship.. in all the senses of the terms.. At the end of these 6 months i was just burnt out, emotionally, physically cause i pushed myself to work to perfection , and mentally.

But i felt more lonely and depressed in our relationship since he started thinking about Canada and his studies..I was just the toy in the background.. The one to talk too when there was really nothing to do.. And something I really hated and re-opened an old wound.. of being nothing but a sexual object and not a person with feelings.. Perhaps he didnt see me like that.. cause i felt it in our relationship..but the thoughts just came back to me...of how my first ex was..and how he had broken me..

Even if my friends and family were already telling me to get off the relationship cause it was too fishy that someone couldn't find 5mins to write to their girlfriend and check how she was doing or just poke her.

Keep in mind, we barely talked for almost a year.. called once before I took the plane to come to Canada...one year of barely any contact.. It was hard for me to get used too..since we used to talk for like 2-3 days straight.. the call just open and falling asleep in the call.. then life happened but the next days we would do it all over again.. And we had meet 3 times and it was just magical.. On the last trip i made to see him in France. We both cried as I had to return home and promised each other we would make this work.

So when he announced me that he is planning of studying in Canada, i was supportive and started looking for schools in Canada as well And fell on the one i was enrolled for the last 6 months.

Truly it was one of the few things I didn't regret going to Canada. I found myself even if it meant losing him.. I found what really made me vibe and happy; doing art for a living, entering this industry despite it being realllly difficult and competitive. The people I have met there, the teachers and the country itself was just one of the best experiences I have ever had.. And im planning of returning to get a diploma and hopefully a job as Concept artist or Illustrator.

I needed to lose you to love me..

Its still a hard pill for me to swallow, somewhere i still hope he will come back but let's be real he never answered to my last texts.

The healing has began even if it hard..

#ooc #vent #you can ignore this #i just needed it out

[fullsunhyuckie]

things he said when he thought you were asleep. best friend!doyoung

* doyoung in a plain button down shirt is peak boyfriend look :) also his smile is my weakness,,,,,here’s for my new bias wrecker!!

you and doyoung have been friends ever since your diaper days. he has gone through almost every one of your significant moments in life, with you. and so have you for his. what’s odd about your pair though is that you're undeniably different from each other. but i guess that's what brings the both of you together. he enjoys staying in while you prefer spending time outside. he likes reading books while you prefer watching the adaptations from the books. he likes to know that he's completely safe while you prefer to live a little. yet somehow the both of you are able to work things out.

when you were younger, your parents used to joke about how you'd end up with doyoung in the future because he's the only guy you have ever hung out with. and that was true. because even though most of the time doyoung would be a pain in the ass telling you that ' you shouldnt swing on the swing so vigorously or you'll fall ', or to 'drink your yoghurt slowly or you'll choke on it ', he's still the person you’d trust your whole life with at the end of the day.

for doyoung's case, his parents used to tell him the same thing. but his reasoning was because he's too uptight. as a child, doyoung really could not care less because he thinks that having you as his friend was enough and that he really does not need any other girl to be his friend.

one unfortunate or fortunate night, as 15 year olds, the both of you were hanging out at doyoung's place while your parents were in the living room, with his parents talking about whatever adults do. he was telling you about the recent book he read, something about geography and what not while you were on his bed, minding your own business.

" doyoung, just in case, when we grow up and by 21 we do end up alone, will you date me?" you blurted out, causing him to end his book review.

"thats a joke, isn't it?" he asks you. only for you to give him a dead stare.

" why? you're afraid you'll like me too much?" you challenged, knowing how doyoung will never turn down one.

"okay, fine. it's a deal. besides, i doubt i'd fall for you even if we were in a relationship." doyoung answers. you gave him a shrug and the topic changes instantly, as if the conversation never happened.

fast forward to 6 years later, you and doyoung are still friends. even being in different schools, you still spent a lot of time together. but this time, you were already in a relationship. and doyoung is still lonely. he never complains though. i'm sure he's cool with it.

your boyfriend though,,,, wait let's rephrase that. your boy friend though isn't what many people think it is. he never established that you were his girlfriend. and so did you, officially. but you keep thinking that he's the one for you. doyoung finds this annoying. because you keep talking about him like he's the perfect guy.

"he's so smart." doyoung is.

"he's so funny." doyoung is.

"he's so kind." doyoung is.

" he's so so so good looking." doyoung is.

" he has to be my boyfriend." well that, doyoung isn't.

so whenever he hears you talk about that guy or whenever he feels like you will talk about him, he will simply act as if he's busy or change the subject. he wonders what's so great about this guy. sometimes too much. and yet he claims he doesnt like you that way when his parents questions him about you. what a liar 

one night while he was working on his project, he got a call from you. the moment he heard your voice cracking, he stopped doing whatever he was.

" he didnt turn up tonight. or last night even." you complained between sobs. and with that, doyoung took off to pick you up.

he saw you on the bar counter with your make up and hair messed up.

" what's the matter with you? he turned you down last night. i told you not to come here again. god, it's like you want your heart to be broken. why dont you ever,,," he began nagging.

"doyoung. can you just take me home, please?" you interrupted.

he stops for a moment before he finally understands that that's what you really wanted. he then carried you not in a bridal style he has no time for that to his car. the whole ride home it was silent, with you in the passenger's seat, sleeping soundly. occasionally at the red light, he would turn to look at you and wonder if this is what he wants. to just be a friend to you.

when he reached home, he sets you on his bed not that you arent used to it .he willingly wipes your make up off from your face and tucks you in bed. he doesnt mind taking the couch as long as you’d be comfortable.

doyoung left for a moment to bring you a cup of water in case you wake up. the moment he left you did eventually wake up but you were too exhausted to move. so you stayed in the same exact position that you were in before.

“all she had to do was stay home and that’s it. she wouldnt have to go through this. and now i have to do this,” you heard him complain as he enters the room.

 you were about to interrupt but right then you heard him say something. “god, doyoung. how can you fall for someone like her?”

you were so close to choking on your own saliva but you made sure you were still in that position. for a moment you heard silence and then followed but a loud sigh. then you felt a warm hand on your arm, caressing it lovingly. 

'oOOO things are getting interesting,,,' you thought in your head.

“sometimes when i look at you, i wish that you’d remember our deal back then. i feel so lame for remembering something so stupid,,” he says as he holds your arm. you thought hard about what he mentioned.

thats when it dawned on you. he remembered. of course he did. its doyoung.

“you know you really are a pain in the ass but you’re so lucky i love you.” he laughs and you can swear he’s giving you his signature gummy smile as he says so. 

 you felt his lips on your forehead as he whispered a soft ‘goodnight’ in your ear. the minute he left your room for good, you jumped up and all you could do was mutter a tiny ‘wOw’.

the next morning, doyoung woke up, slightly regretting what he said. he had a feeling that you were awake when he said those things. he decided to enter his room to find you and ask you about it, only to find an empty bed with the blanket folded and a note on top of it.

“ thanks for picking me up last night. by the way, your speech yesterday was really touching. we should go out sometime ;)

ps. next time you wanna confess your love, do it to their face, you coward. <3

                                                                                                              -love, y/n “

-Z

#nct #nct fic #nct fluff #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nct reactions #nctu #nct127 #nct imagines #doyoung #doyoung fluff #he's on my list of bias wreckers after mark #i have a soft spot for him #he can diss me all day and i'd still thank him #love yourself a witty man

[weiqiankun-blog]

beauty you hold.

female reader x mark lee 

pretty frickin soft 

my first piece of writing so i do hope you enjoy reading it 

3k ish

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You'll admit, working at a coffee shop had it's quirks but there were just sometimes when all you wanted to do was go home and just sleep cause after all you were an exhausted college student and lets just say times were...tough sometimes. You've been working at your local coffee shop for awhile now and youve made friends with the other workers keeping in mind that theyre all quite older than you but atleast you have one close friend who works with you, this of course being one of your bestfriend's yuta. When you first met yuta, you kinda thought he was a pushover and a bit too bossy (or atleats thats what you said to him when you were explaining why you didnt approach him when you guys first met but actually it was only cause you were too scared). But ANYWAY, you were first to start working at the coffee shop, its name being 'Euphoria Cafe' and once you saw the help wanted sign through the window you were probably the first to apply cause you loved that place. Need a place to study? Euphoria, Need a place to relax? Euphoria, Need a place to sometimes see a few cute boys from time to time?... Euphoria (hotel?trivago (sorry i just had to)) so yeah. you got the job obviously and it was difficult at first to get used to how to use all the machines and everything but eventually you got the hang of it. And this is when your (not yet) best friend yuta comes waltzing in as the newly hired worker and you were kinda nervous cause yeah sure you're good with making friends but that doesn’t change that fact that you're terrified of embarrassing yourself especially in front of someone you found intimating.

So your first day together was awkward to say the least, there were many glances on both ends and all you guys said to each other were hi's, sorry's, here ya go's, and bye's when you guys left eventually. The next day it was like something snapped inside of you and you were having a really good day and you were just happy for ledgit no reason but when you're in moods like this, you kind of forget how to act around people or not forget but it's just a lot more free? So when you come into work you see yuta just getting in as well, and out of nowhere you just shouted, " hey yuta!!! how's your day been, excited for work?!" and the shock on his face was priceless and he just turned around and said, "oh, hey y/n, its been good and yeah i guess you could say i am", and to be honest you were kinda surprised he knew your name cause you guys literally never talked before yesterday and today was the first actual conversation you guys were having so naturally you asked, " oh woah, you know my name?", " well yeah, you know my name so...", "good point good point". And that was the start of a beautiful friendship, you guys grew really close and pretty fast and what surprised you the most was how jokingly flirtatious he got and it was definitely a joke cause at this point in your friendship you guys have seen TOO MUCH (dont be weird not like that) of each other to catch any feelings. You guys came to work together almost every day with him basically clinging onto you cause he needs affection and you obviously giving him it cause um who could resist. So yeah life was nice other than the crazy amount of work you had to do for college but OTHER THAN THAT just great :(.

Well anyway (yes this is a mark fluff just waittt) after  few months of working there another employee joined and you recognized him almost instantly, he was in almost all of your classes but you guys barely talked, actually you guys only talked when you were forced to (partnered up and stuff). He wasnt in your shift but you always saw him leaving when you and yuta coming in. Eventually, mid-term break came along and yeah you were excited as hell but yuta was leaving to back to his hometown in japan so you would be pretty lonely. But then... you come into work one day not really being aware of your surroundings because you were too absorbed in your music but then when you walk in you see mark behind the counter not looking ready to leave at all so you said, "oh hi mark" (get the reference?) clear confusion coming out with your words and mark acknowledged it so he replied, " hey y/n, oh i asked if i could change my shift time because this works better for me so youll be seeing me for a while haha", " oh okay then i look forward to working with you", you say while nodding your head slightly. so mark right, you always liked him, not like crush sense but you thought he was cool you guess, and theres no denying that he was pretty cute but you never even had the idea of liking him until one day. So you come into work and suprisingly mark's not there he was usually early but you just thought oh he probably had something to do and didnt really care (#sorrynotsorry) but then in comes an extremely disheveled looking mark with messy hair and ripped jeans and a hoodie on and you were concerned to say the least. Thankfully no customers were in the shop yet and mark just runs to the counter panting and you genuinely think someone's been chasing him but he later explains he woke up like 2 minutes before he came to the coffee shop cause his phone ran out of battery hence alarm=nonexistent basically. That day you had a lot of customers and since you guys had to stay the entire day by the end of the day you were exhausted. When it was about an hour to closing mark just went on his break and it was just you in the shop because he just went for a walk which he regularly does for his break, something you noticed. but there werent many customers so you were okay but when you turned around to the register you saw a pink post-it saying: stay back today for a bit?. you already know mark wanted to just relax after work today and you guys had stayed back after work sometimes and you enjoyed it so you smiled and continued with the order for the customer. eventually he came back and you smiled and nodded and he smiled back and that just made you smile harder. so the day was finally over and you went to sit infront of the counter and took off your apron while mark was busy making something that you figured was his but when he was done you realized he had two drinks in his hand one being your favourite, a hot chocolate and one a berry smoothie. He placed the hot chocolate infront of you and you were like huh? and he said, “you drink this practically whenever you have the chance anyone would know it's your favourite". your heart kinda fluttered but you were like gurl dont be dumb staph but that didnt really stop much. you guys moved to the sofa after grabbing a few snacks (this was the main perk of getting the end shift cause you could stay back). You guys were facing each other and the windows were all still open blowing chilling air in and although you loved it you were cold and being the dumb one you are you forgot to bring a jacket so you shivered but you were fine after you closed the windows or so you thought for like two seconds and then you were like yeah no i be cold. "so care to explain why you came in looking like a wreck today" "so are you implying that i look good every other day" " well im not denying it.." you were always quite flirty with everyone unintentionally (sometimes intentionally) but mark kinda got used to it " i just slept really late yesterday and today wasnt the best" "i can tell but hey whats up?" "eh just stuff" "oh also ive been meaning to ask how long are you going to be working this shift?" "oh you want me to stay i see" "please, if anything the opposite" "mhmmm sure" he says with a smug look on his face, "well until your boyfriend comes back" you spat out your drink," my boyfriend?!" confusion was plastered on marks face and he said" yeah the guy you were working with before i came, yuta i think his name was?" you genuinely couldnt stop laughing until you eventually explained that he was just a bestfriend and you noticed a look of relief on his face? but pushed it aside. suddenly mark just got up and went to the back where you heard rummaging. after a few minutes mark came back with a t-shirt on and his hoodie in his hand. He threw over to you "stop shivering and wear this" he says he sat next to you this time causing you heart to basically jump out of your chest he wasnt that close or anything just him being kind. you mumbled a thanks. after a few moments of silence mark asked " so do you have a boyfriend?" "no you?" "nah. hey wanna lock up and just walk" you were actually glad he asked cause you were kinda tired of being in the cafe for this long and you thankfully nodded ---- you guys walked to a nearby park just talking about literally anything that came to your mind at this point you guys were pretty close and both of you guys knew things about each other that a lot of people dont, irrelevant and meaningful, like he knows that you only like the ends of those soda gummies cause apparently then have the most taste, but he argues that it all tastes the same, that doesnt stop him from eating the other end when you dont want it though, and you know that whenever hes stressed the only thing he wants to do is talk to someone he trusts and you were the same that way. as you were walking you werent really focusing on anything cause your heart was kinda all over the place cause youve officially developed a big fat crush on this idiot and you knew he didnt feel the same but then you being so absent minded caused you to trip and almost instantly mark grabbed your hand to stop you from falling over and you just started laughing while mark asked you if you were okay. you guys continued to walk in silence with the howling wind filling the air, although you guys were nothing you couldnt ask for more in this moment. you were reaching for your phone when you realized mark was still holding your hand you just stopped walking and froze staring at your hands clasped together (they werent intertwined but just holding ya get?) and obviously every force has an equal and opposite Reaction (its SciEnTifiC oKaY) so since you stopped walking and you were connected to mark he kinda was pulled back and this is when you noticed how red his face was and that surprised you but at the same time youre sure you were too (but like im brown so you wouldnt even be able to tell ay ay) "you only noticed i was holding your hand this entire time now?" "uh.. well.. ummm-" "sorry do you want me t-" he said as he started letting go "no no its fine i was just surprised thats all" and you guys continue walking except now your fingers are intertwined and your heart beating double time. you truly liked mark for his personality, for the way he made you laugh, the way he made you feel, the way he treated you, you really liked him. you guys found a a green patch that was pretty empty and decided to sit. mark was pretty sleepy so he asked if he could put his head on your lap and you said sure. it was pretty late at night but you werent scared if anything you felt safe and happy. mark did that to you and as you looked down at his face you truly realized how beautiful he was. his skin was so smooth and the fluorescent lights along the park were reflecting on his round glasses that shaped his face perfectly. you then hesitated before taking his glasses off cause you noticed he takes them off whenever hes tired so you just wanted him to feel comfortable. he opened his eyes at that and looked straight into your eyes, his eyes truly glimmered in the light as if they were shining stars of their own but what you didnt know is that those same eyes have been staring at you all night admiring your beauty and presence. you give him a slight smile and he does the same before shutting his eyes once again. you kinda wished he didnt because you wanted to stare into his eyes for more but atleast he was getting rest. this is when you decided to play some music. it was calm and relaxing and always helped when you were feeling stressed and you could tell mark was for whatever reason cause he refuses to tell you and since music was such a huge part of your life you hoped it would help him too. you started singing along lowly and not to brag or anything but your voice wasnt half bad, after all you were a music major and one of the instruments you play was your throat so you sounded pretty nice and mark seemed to agree with this cause he then reached for your phone and paused the music to say, " i like your voice better" and you being way too scared to sing infront of him refused but eventually he convinced you by saying he would sing as well which he did and you guys sounded nice.

after staying for a bit longer you decided it was time to go home so you told mark to get up and he obliged. he held his hand out for you and even after helping you up he continued to hold it. he insisted on dropping you off to your dorm which hes visited before to watch a movie or two but thats all. on your way back you asked him, "mark are you sure you dont want to talk about whats stressing you out?" "no its okay really, thanks for caring" he replied "anytime and if you change your mind just call me okay?" he nodded you guys reached your house by now and mark with such sincerity in his voice said" thanks for today, really" "we do this almost every week what are you talking about" " i know but just thank you for being you" he says while staring admirably at your face "look mark, well first you know im always here even if we arent working the same shift anymore im glad we became as close as we are now cause i truly cant imagine my life without you and yeah i know its really cheesy but its true but most importantly you need to stop beating yourself up whenever you mess up. youre human and we tend to make mistakes sometimes and thats fine because i know you mark and i know at the end of the day you’re going to be an amazing dancer and youll be great at whatever you want to do so i dont know whats bothering you but whatever it is i know you can overcome it so just keep your head up high and be strong but dont be afraid to talk to people about it. and mark, im just saying all this cause i care abo-" interrupting what you were saying mark comes closer and kisses you. His lips were warm contradicting the the cold weather and one of his hands was around your waist ever so gently pulling you closer to him while the other was on your neck gently caressing it. his lips were so gentle yet so passionate as if you could feel all of his emotions, your eyes were closed and your hands were around his neck and then your fingers ran through his hair. you dont even know how long the kiss went on but you had to pull away cause you were out of breath. Your foreheads were against each other and noses almost touching his eyes were closed and he mumbled under his breath " thank you, thank you so much. thank you for being the person you are and for making me feel the way i feel. every time i see you im so mesmerized by the amount of beauty you can hold. everything you do makes my heart beat faster and im just so glad that youre in my life and im really sorry if you dont feel the same ill act like this never happened if you want me to but i really like you and i have for a long while and i just want to compliment you everytime i see you and hold your hand and kiss you to show you how much i appreciate you and god y/n you make me feel things i dont think ive ever felt befo-" "mark..." you say moving your head to look a him, he hesitantly opens his eyes expecting a rejection "i like you too" you say before giving him a deep but quick kiss and after that he lift you up and hugs you and start cheering almost about how happy he is. And that was the start of your relationship with mark lee <3

3:00 AM 1/24/2019 (this is when I wrote this can you frickin believe wow welp.. that was it)

#so this is the first piece of writing im posting and honestly it could be shit but thats okayyyy #i honestly dont even know if anyone is even going to read this #thats g though cause i finally posted this #i wrote this literally at the start of this year so im glad im finally posting ittt #let me know if you liked it or dont thats also fine #nct #nct fluff #nct mark #nct yuta #nct au #nct soft #nct scnearios #mark scenarios #nct mark soft #mark au #mark imagine #nct imagines #mark fluff #reader x mark #mark lee #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv #nct u #superm #mark lee fluff #mark lee soft hours #nct writing #nct fanfic #mark fanfic

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #65: A Tale of Love. A Squiggle Meister’s Views on the similarities between Oscar and Salem

Someone asked “ Now I love parallels too and I’ve noticed that you would like to see a rosegarden Ozma Salem hand hold. As cute as that sounds, it kinda scares me. Ozma and Salem ended in tragedy. What would happen to Ruby and Oscar 😞 “

Squiggles Answers:

I'd love to see the hand hold scene mirrored in Ruby and Oscar because it was done during a moment where Salem and Ozma reunited and re-established their love for one another.

While Salem and Ozma's romance ended in tragedy, I still adore their love story because before their whole involvement with the Gods respectfully, they both first and foremost were two young lovers who wanted more than anything just to be together forever and went above and beyond to do that even if it meant disobeying the Gods.

The true tragedy wasn't that Ozma and Salem wound up sworn enemies but mainly how much the God's intervention changed them into two people unrecognizable from who they used to be to the point where you wouldn't believe either loved the other to the point of defying both the Gods and death itself to be reunited.

The positive that I take away from the Tragic Lovers or Fairy Tale (I think that’s their ship name) romance is the unyielding devotion and strength of their love or at least what it used to be. How much Salem and Ozma were willing to go through just to be together. Salem approached the Gods to beg for Ozma to be brought back to life for her because she couldn’t stand living the rest of her days without him and Ozma only chose to return to Remnant because the God of Light told him that Salem was still alive in that world. Let’s not forget that Ozma initially refused his godly task because in his eyes, Remnant wasn’t the same or as dear to him without his beloved Salem.

This is why I like this ship so much. Before RWBY revealed Ozpin and Salem’s past together, I was gunning for them to be lovers from the get go. Hence my previous musings like this one, this one and this one. I knew their love was going to end in pain anyways but I was still banking on them being companions and lovers and what we got was even more bittersweet than what I envisioned. A brave knight who rescued a lonely maiden from her captivity and the two fell deeply in love ever after. Who wouldn’t eat that up? This squiggle meister surely would. I’m a sucker for those types of romance stories. It hurts when you think about what Ozma and Salem’s tale became in the end. But I still ship it though. Still loving that Fairy Tale.

That's what I'd love to see and can see for a potential romance between Ruby and Oscar. Not the tragedy part, of course, although let’s admit, it will be in there since time and fate will arrive to challenge the bond between these two smaller, more honest souls given one’s connection to a certain other character.

Nevertheless, what I mostly would love to see in a future RoseGarden love story (if it’s in the cards) is that that unyielding love. That strong devotion to one another’s well-being and protecting each other while fighting together for what they both believe in and the lives of the people they both care about. When I look at Ruby, her righteous heart and desire to help others actually reminds me a lot of Ozma. You would think it’d be Salem but nah. I can actually see similarities between Salem and Oscar. Oscar’s infatuation with Ruby and obvious admiration of her strength, courageousness and pure heart reminds me of how Salem used to revere Ozma. Well…at least in that one shot we got.

Another similarity between Oscar and Past Salem that I noticed is just as how Salem lived a sheltered life trapped in her lonely tower dreaming of freedom and a life beyond its uncharted walls, the same can be said for Oscar who seemingly lived a sheltered and quiet life as a farmhand back on his aunt's farm while still fantasizing of a life beyond his home in Mistral.

The key difference between Salem and Oscar is that Salem was more self-seeking; albeit as a result of her unknown upbringing and being forced to live a lonely life locked off from the rest of the world by the only family she had; whereas Oscar is selfless. While we still don’t know much more about Oscar’s past with his family beyond the few scrapings of details left from V4, one can safely assume that Oscar was well loved and taken care of by his family.

Though he was only seen to have his aunt for guardianship, from what I observed back in V4, Oscar still retained a good relationship with his Auntie Pine who took no problem in taking Oscar into his household, providing him a comfortable home where he could’ve had his own room for privacy and a warm plate of food on the table every evening for supper in exchange for Oscar working on the farm which he didn’t seem to mind. Overall, though he desired more from his life, Oscar was quite comfortable and content living with his aunt hence the reason why he wasn’t so keen on leaving at first after Ozpin’s unceremonious arrival into his life.

Unlike Salem, Oscar more or less knew and felt love before leaving his old life behind which I guess made it all the more easy for him to give it. One characteristic I’ve noticed about Salem’s personality that always shines through, even in her past self, is her selfishness---that nature about her that always puts her desires above anything else.

This is the complete opposite of Oscar. One thing I’ve noticed about Oscar’s personality is that he makes a habit of pushing aside his own feelings in place of doing what he feels is right or better, not particularly for himself but for others around him as a whole.

This is not an entirely bad trait to have. I myself, do the same thing from time to time to avoid conflict or tension with others because I don’t like conflict. Someone once asked me what I thought Oscar’s personality type might be and my first guess was a INFJ. Speaking as someone with that personality type, I see quite a few traits of an INFJ in Oscar. Although I’m still gathering as much as I can about his persona as provided in the series, I’m still sticking with my first choice of Oscar having an advocate/ counsellor type of personality because there are key examples from the show where he’s exhibited that trait. Specifically with Ruby.

Ironically, it’s Oscar’s moments with Ruby that help bring out that caring, compassionate and willing to do what he can to help others type of personality in Oscar the most. Oscar cares for others, particularly with those closest to him. Even when he’s literally backed against a wall, Oscar puts himself last in the scenario.

This is a boy who got shoved into a wall by one of his peers after being wrongfully accused in one scene and is then seen making this person and the others a hot meal after they went looking for him after he went missing in another. 

Y’know, I harped a lot on V6 C9 on how they handled Oscar coming to terms with his feelings. But…y’know what? Now that I’ve had more time to think about the episode in terms of Oscar’s character, I realized that the bit with Oscar is surprisingly the most relatable thing I’ve seen in the show…at least to me.

Blake said the group needed space and that’s exactly what Oscar did. He went off on his own, let out whatever negativity he needed to get off his chest in that moment doing who knows what, came back and by the time the group found him, he was fine. All things forgiven if there was anything to forgive. Whatever lingering discomfort that Oscar might have harboured for Jaune was easily washed away when Jaune apologized and Oscar could see and hear how genuinely remorseful Jaune felt for his actions.

Though I still would’ve liked the episode to have shown how Oscar came to terms with his emotions and getting over it, I can’t be 100% mad anymore at the Writers for choosing to have Oscar adopt that attitude after the events of V6 C8…cause if it were me, I probably would’ve reacted and resolved the same way as Oscar did. I would’ve been cussing Jaune’s face in my mind for how he treated me with a face as straight as a pin but I would have forgiven him all the same after seeing how hurt he was for the things said and done and would have chosen to move on from the problem with better resolve; just as Oscar did.

I saw myself in Oscar while rewatching this moment and for that, I can’t be too mad at the writing for C9. Still mad. But not too mad. Only 65% versus the original 101%.  Oscar Pine--- right in the relatability! That’s why he’s my favourite!  This scene showed me how mature Oscar is for his age in how he takes in problems and decides to address them despite being the youngest of the group. 

Basically what I’m saying is that Oscar is a good boy. He’s such a good boy. Too much of good boy. Sigh. Please don’t hurt my precious freckled baby boy too much CRWBY. I want him to grow up big and strong and devilishly handsome so that he can sweep Ruby off her feet and the rosebuds can get married in 5-10 years and live happily ever after on a farm or whatever plot of land they can afford wherever in New Remnant during a time when the Gods have returned, the kingdoms are at peace again, the Grimm are there but are no longer the monstrous threat they used to be so that Oscar and Ruby’s future string band of children can grow up in a world void of war and the threats of the former Salem who would have moved on to have her happy ending with Ozma at long last in the afterlife. The end.

Returning to my point on Oscar and Salem now. Just as how Ozma arrived to free Salem from her captivity, you can almost say that the same was done for Oscar when Ozpin's arrival sparked his departure from home to become a huntsman. In a way, Ozma’s presence in Salem and Oscar’s lives gave them the push they needed to take the first step towards the freedom and change they both desired.

But as I mentioned before. Though Oscar and Salem share parallels, the defining difference between them is how either values others over themselves. As much as Salem’s past with Ozma made me empathize with her as a villain, it doesn’t excuse the fact that Salem is a person who is mostly out to achieve her own desires above anyone else’s. As a matter of fact, the revelation of her past and involvement with the destruction of Remnant only affirms my point. In her past life, Salem was probably so used to looking out for herself due to her years of isolation that it sort of developed a warped sense of egocentrism (not the word I was looking for but I’ll roll with it) that later translated into her relationship with Ozma.

I'm not denying the fact that Salem loved Ozma nor am I trying to imply that her feelings for him weren’t genuine at all. On the contrary, Salem definitely loved Ozma proving that she is capable of compassion. This is one of the things that makes Salem a far more intriguing villain to me now. What I appreciate about Salem and essentially Ozpin-Ozma too is that despite that fact that both represent the sides of good and evil in show; neither are entirely what they’re supposed to represent. They actually very gray characters.

Though Ozpin is the hero and personifies light and the preservation of all life in Remnant, Ozpin has been noted to have done some shady things that otherwise painted him in a negative light as we saw most of all this volume.

The same can be said for Salem. Although she is our main villain, I’ve noted times where Salem has shown a softer, kinder, even motherly side to her to some degree. For example, her relationship with Cinder Fall in particular. Cinder is Salem’s apprentice and the way Salem treats Cinder is almost like a surrogate mother with her daughter.  

I mean, Salem could have easily had Cinder killed with a snap of her finger just as she did with Lionheart and have her Maiden magic extracted and given to someone else more worthy if she so desired. We all know she has the capability to do that. So then why not do it? What reason does Salem have to keep Cinder alive especially knowing fully well how she is?

I don’t know about you guys but it reminded me of a strict parent punishing their child but still going easy on them. Still keeping a close eye on them because they know their child so well that they have full confidence that they’ll ultimately come of their senses.

 That’s why Salem is leaving Cinder alone to quote, ‘toil in her isolation until she redeems herself’. She’s punishing her but at the time, Salem also knows that Cinder will come back stronger and far deadlier than she was before because of this experience and that’s what Salem wants. It’s what she expects of her perfect apprentice. Her successor.

But here’s the thing. Salem loved Ozma and in the end, she still put her own desires about even him. Even if Salem is capable of loving someone, her selfish nature always resurfaces to prevail in her endeavours.

Rather than honouring Ozma's life and allowing him to rest as the God of Light said, Salem challenged the Gods again and again until it resulted in her winding up immortal but alone; cursed to walk Remnant’s face until the world is either destroyed or Salem learnt the value of life as the God of Light had hoped she would.

Did she though? Well that fact that she’s trying to gather all Four Relics while simultaneously making plans to jumpstart a Second Great War within the kingdoms of Remnant which would throw the world into the perfect chaos to get it permanently destroyed by the Gods’ return speaks volumes of how much she still hasn’t learned her lesson yet.

Salem may have loved Ozma and the life they built together after he returned but even that was later upturned by Salem’s own selfishness. From the get go Salem has only catered more for herself and even after all these years, she still refuses to see the light of what the God of Light warned her about herself. Say what you will about the Gods. Though the Brothers are also pretty grey characters themselves, it doesn’t change the fact that there was justification behind their actions with Salem. A lesson to be learnt that’s unfortunately still being avoided.

Salem was cursed with immortality because she refused to let go of her selfishness after attempting to trick the Gods into granting her desired wish of being reunited with her lover. As the God of Light rightfully said, in the beginning, when Salem made her first attempt to revive Ozma, her motives were worth pitying. As a viewer, I felt for Salem the first time. However after her second failed attempt and watching the people of First Remnant get manipulated and killed because of her personal vendetta against the Gods, my sympathy well dried up as I started to see Salem become the antagonist I know her to be.

And what’s even more depressing and noteworthy is that even after causing all that death and chaos to Remnant, Salem still did not learn her lesson and she still hasn’t to this current timeline in RWBY. She still continues to pursue her own desires and see the lives of others as nothing more but tools to use in her pursuit of what she wants.

This brings me to the meat of my post and why I’ve been making parallels between Oscar and Salem.

I have this theory---one that I’ll delve deeper into in a future musing--- about Oscar becoming an immortal just like Salem. Hear me out on this one. What if… Oscar meets the God of Light in the Realm between Realms similar to Ozma and asks him to grant him immortality. Not because he wants to preserve his own life but for the selfless motive of him desiring to use his newfound immortality to protect the people Oscar cared about while taking on the full mantle of saving humanity from the plight of Salem and her forces without the need to force Ozma and any more unsuspecting souls after him with such a task.

Imagine if… Oscar willing sacrificed his own life to end it. End the cycle and let it start over with him alone.  

Imagine if…Oscar became the last Wizard of Light. The only Wizard and the cycle resets with him as he’s turned immortal.

As I said, I plan to go more in depth with this theory soon in another musing but it’s definitely something I think could be a potential twist with Oscar’s story. I don’t want to put it as an expectation but I would love to play around with the concept of it.

I’ve seen many Pineheads worrying over Oscar being taken over by Ozpin completely or losing himself to the Merge so to counter that, I raise this possibility of Oscar essentially becoming the last reincarnate---the Last Wizard of Light as he willingly choses to dedicate the rest of his existence to stopping Salem while Ozpin, Ozma and all the other past Wizards culminated inside him over the centuries can finally be laid to rest knowing that Oscar will be the likeminded successor to carry out their legacy and mission all on his own and of his own choice as himself going forward.

If you’ve read any of my Oscar-themed musings and theories before, y’know I’ve been singing this idea of Oscar being the end to the reincarnation cycle along with him being the true reincarnate of Ozma’s original form.

I still stand very firmly by those theories because the series has set up Oscar being special---completely different from the other Wizards. The lingering question brought up in this series is whether or not Oscar will be just another one of Ozma’s lives to live out and I don’t think he will be. I believe the very fact that Ozpin reincarnated within Oscar of all people at such a young age compared to the other lives and in such a short space of time between rebirths was the first sign of how different his journey was going to be.

In the Legend of Korra series, Korra technically became the last Avatar and first Avatar in the second book. Basically the Avatar cycle sort of reset itself with Korra.

So I’d like to think Oscar will follow a similar experience where the reincarnation cycle will change with him. Oscar could symbolize the end and beginning to a new cycle. That’s why I like the concept of him becoming immortal. Instead of Ozma’s soul being reborn in the minds of different men and those souls coming together to form who we know today as the Wizard, Oscar will be the last one so that the next time Oscar dies---either he’ll die for good (meaning the God of Light strips him entirely of the reincarnation curse) or Oscar won’t die and will be reborn as himself at the last point of death or perhaps he’ll get to stay fourteen years old forever until Salem is defeated. Who knows? Overall I really love the idea of Oscar becoming an immortal just like Salem.

I mean sure Ozma had his reincarnation curse but technically his immortality wasn’t the same as Salem’s. Jinn did allude to Salem, quote, ‘meeting her adversary in time’. Of course, at the moment of revelation, the obvious assumption to that for me was Ozma since he’s the one we know is Salem’s main opponent.

However…Ozma once shared a relationship with Salem. He had a past with her. He loved her and I’d like to think that love is still there buried deep within. I don’t want to say that Ozma’s love for Salem has been his crutch but that little titbit is starting to make me wonder that perhaps…the true adversary that Salem was supposed to have wasn’t Ozma or any of the Wizards after him. It was Oscar.

For all we know, what if…Ozma and the other incarnates were just another experiment conducted by the God of Light similar to how he said Remnant was an experiment for him and his brother to learn from.

Imagine if… Light basically used Ozma and the other Wizards as guinea pigs in his formation of the perfect adversary for Salem---one the Gods believed could truly achieve what his successors could not. Defeat Salem once and for all and undo their mistake of the past. That could be an intriguing twist too. It does paint the Gods in a very heartless light more so than the actual canon did unfortunately but still worth tossing out as a theory y’know.

But yeah, that’s the theory I’m working with for now.

Returning to the original point of this response post, I know I’m hoping for Ruby and Oscar’s love to parallel Ozma and Salem in some ways but not all parallels have to end the same. Just because Ozma and Salem’s love ended in tragedy doesn’t mean that the same will befall Ruby and Oscar for their potential love story.

If Oscar and Ruby were to fall in love, I’d love to believe their love will be different. It’ll probably have its own fair share of harsh challenges particularly the ones stirred by Salem but it will be a different story with a much better end. A happier ending than the Fairy Tale lovers.

Y’know what’s ironic and what would best summarize my answer to this post. It was Ozma and Salem’s love that admittedly brought about the end of humanity in a way when you think about it. All the more reason for me to believe that it’ll be the love between Oscar and Ruby that will save the world. The relationship to blossom between them, the love and devotion they’ll come to share for each other and the people they care about---that’s what’ll save both Remnant and Salem from damnation.

I know it sounds cheesy but I do love me a good plate of cheese in romance.

More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

 ~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #ruby rose #oscar and ruby #rwby rosegarden #ozma and salem #rwby fairy tale #rwby theories #rwby volume 6 spoilers #rwby musings

[thenatzabastard]

A lonely valentine

It was a holiday he didnt know what the hig deal was when he was younger. He sees people that are acting all lovey dovey with eachother and were showing affections towards eachother.

"Geez what's with everybody they acting all weird" he said creeped out.

"Its Valentine's day natsu" natsu turned around and saw the scarlet haired woman that he felt strange for, he didn't know what it was but whatever it was it felt... warm.

He was then confused "what's valentines day" he asked innocently.

"Well to put it simply, it's a day where people show the love and affection they have for each other" she explained but felt a pain at her heart as she was explaining.

Natsu noticed her expression chanfed a bit "are you ok erza?" He asked

She forced a smile "im fine, and i hope that answers your question of what today is"

"It does but it just seems confusing to me, why would they show affection for eachother once a year when they could do it everyday" as he said that erza blushed a little and looked away from him and he looked at her in confusion.

"I think its time i go home, farewell natsu" at that she walked away with a blush still on her face, but as she left natsu raised a hand at her about to call out for her to stay. When she was here the warm feeling in his chest was there again and it made him happy but when she left the warm feeling was replaced with hollow and he didnt know why. Little did the young dragneel know that he was in love with erza scarlet.

Years later

Natsu matured since the years went by and it was the day that confused him when he was younger. Only this time he knew what it all meant and it was a day that he didn't like. Reason for that was because of *him*. He finally knew what he was feeling all those years ago and when he would see erza he would finally tell her how he would feel but he had so much trouble.

Since the century quest was finished he thought this was his chance to finally let it all out...only to be disappointed. Since *he* was pardoned and since they came back from the quest he was she could think about. He was left alone eventhough he had his friends it didn't feel the same. She would be with him, laughing with him, and even go on quests with him.

Since then he hasn't been the same he was smiling less and less and when he would come to the guild he would only come to the guild to take a mission and leave even ignoring his friends thats asked if they could go with him.

"Natsu" happy asked with concern "are you ok" natsu didn't answer he just kept walking on their quest. "Natsu, can't you move on?" Happy asked and natsu stopped in his tracks and so does happy.

".....i wish i could...believe me i wish....but i was never given that opportunity i can only love once and that's it...this is how things are now" he said as he began to continue on his quest this valentine's day was truly the worst of his life.

2 weeks later.

Erza returned feom her quest and since then she noticed that things haven't been like they were before. The guild seemed more quiet and less rowdy then before. Before she realized who causes all the commotion in the first place.

'Natsu!' She remembered 'of course how could i be so foolish, he would always start fights or cause some kind of commotion, what happned?' She thought.

She went to the bar and saw mjrajane.

"Hello mira" said erza with a smile.

She smiled back "hello erza, i assume starwberry cheesecake" she said.

"Of course" she said amused

Ash mirajane was getting her order she looked around the guild for a certain dragonslayer but couldn't find him anywhere. She frowned and turned her attention to mira.

"Mira, have you seen natsu at the guild lately" she gave her the cheesecake and thought for a second.

"Now that you mention it i haven't seen him in almost a month!" She said in astonishment

She took in what she said and thought about how she spent time with jellal and not with the team. 'Have i neglected him to much' just as she thought that natsu and happy came into the guild. But he wasn't how he used to be he looked so worn out and tired lately he has been doing mission after mission by himself. Erza and mirajane looked at him shocked.

Erza got up and walked up to him "natsu are you alright?" He didn't even bother to answer her he just walked right passed her and went to the board to take another mission. After that he went to mirajane "I'll be taking this mission" he said tierdly

"Natsu look at you, you look like you haven't rested in weeks you need you relax" she said to him in concern.

"I said im taking this mission" he said more sternly this time shocking mirajane and erza they never heard him talk like that.

"....alright, please be careful" she said and natsu just waved goodbye. "Natsu!" He stopped in his tracks.

"You look very fatigued we will accompany you on this quest" erza said

"I don't need help" he said quietly

She frowned "that wasn't a request natsu i-" she was cut off when he turned to face her and it shocked her because he was angry and she never saw him like this before.

I said, i dont need help" at that he walked away and shut the guild door leaving a shocked erza.

"Natsu?" She aaked quietly had she done something?

If she did then it must be very bad if he acted like this.

[rainbowglittr]

Senior Year: Chapter 26: pt1 cause it's so long

"Jaleia! Jaleia, wait!" Tyler yelled after me. I've been avoiding and ignoring Tyler for at least a week. I have to admit he is persistent- persistently annoying. I heard his footsteps get closer.

"What do you want Tyler?" I asked, bored of this game of cat and mouse.

"Can we talk later?" he asked, almost out of breath. 

"Why? I don't think we have anything to talk about." I started to put my earbuds into my ears.

"I know you're mad but I promise I will explain everything later. I hate it when you're mad at me."

"Oh now you care about me being mad? This should be good." 

"Seriously, Jaleia."

"I don't know what you expect me to say." I said while I picked out a song.

"Just let me explain, Jal-"

"Fine, Jesse and Kiara are going to be busy during lunch anyway." Jesse had to practice something for his music class, and Kiara was going to be writing an essay. And Robyn, well when has she been to lunch lately, might as well waste my time with Tyler.

"How's Jess?" Tyler asked with his voice low and his head down.

"Wouldn't you like to know? If you really want to know, you'll ask him yourself. I'll see you at lunch." I turned and walked away, my music blasting in my ears. Usually I'm a lot more forgiving, but Tyler, I want him to feel just as bad as he treated us.

Lunch

The wind rustled the branches around us. I was with Tyler, we were walking to a cheap Pizzeria during lunch. I looked around, it was almost my favorite part of spring, when all of the flowers and plants come into full bloom. Right now, you could only see the buds of the flowers that were soon to awaken.

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not believing you about Mariah and not being around very much." Tyler blurted out.

"Okay?"I said, unimpressed by this confession.

"Look I just want us to be cool again, I'm sorry. I found out last night that-anyway. Are we cool?" I heard the hopefulness in his voice.

"I don't think so Tyler. You really treated me like shit." He suddenly stopped and faced me.

"I know and am sorry I'll never do that to you again. I know that you were just trying to look out for me." I crossed my arms at his words.

"What inspired this change of heart? And I'm not the only one you should be apologizing to."

"I know I know. There's a lot of shit going on with me okay?" His voice was slowly getting defensive.

"Who would know that but you Tyler? People tried to help you and you acted stupid and now you don't understand why you're on your own?"

"You know I hate talking about that kind of shit."

"Fine, but you don't have to be a jerk to everyone, everyone has problems but everyone doesn't act like a brat."

"Look my parents have gone fucking insane. Jaleia, they've been fucking fighting nonstop and they totally forgot I existed. I know that Mariah has been fucking other people. And I've been killing myself to get this basketball scholarship. It's been a lot." Two birds flew away as his voice got louder. We started walking again.

"I get that Tyler, but like that's what your friends are supposed to do-help you, but you wouldn't allow anyone to do that you just got sucked into the world of Mariah and didn't listen to anyone. You really screwed it up with Jesse. He didn't deserve that. We were only looking out for you."

"What do you want from me, I'm sorry! I don't know what else to tell you. I'm sorry for not believing you and ignoring you." Tyler raised his voice and threw his hands in the air.

"And being a dick, and for saying stupid things that were not true, for ignoring my feelings, for picking fights, for many more things, need I go on?" I rattled off. We stopped walking again. He turned to face me.

"I'm sorry for all that. But now I see what you were talking about. Now I know that there's better." He said sincerely as he grabbed my hand, stepping closer to me. I pulled away from him. I really couldn't believe him.

"Don't do that." 

"What?" he said, confused.

"Don't do that. I know you well enough to know how you try to hit on girls Tyler. I'm not your backup now that your first choice screwed up. This is what I'm talking about. You are so self absorbed! Spend some time dealing with the things that are clearly bothering you before you ruin another FRIENDSHIP!" I pushed past him and started to walk back to the school.

"Jaleia!" He said, trying to catch up to me. I turned around to face him.

"Stop trying to use people. You're not sorry, you're lonely. When you are actually sorry, come talk to me."

"Jaleia! That's not-I wasn't-I-" He stuttered, trying to think his way out of this.

I walked away. That's what I thought.

>>>>>>>>

"You need to get your friend." I said as I leaned against a tree outside out school. Me and Jesse were in our usual meeting spot after school, waiting for the rest of our friends to come out so we could walk home.

"What do you mean? Who?" Jesse said, a little confused.

"Tyler, I think he's lost his mind."

"I don't fuck with him." Jesse said, flatly.

"He tried to apologize to me and hit on me at them same time. It's ridiculous. And I know you two will eventually make up. You can drop the macho guy act." Jesse rolled his eyes at me, then his eyes darted back at me."

"Wait, what the fuck did he do?" His head tilting as he said it.

"He was all like I know there's better now and tried to grab my hand. He's so stupid. Like I've known him for years I know what moves he tries on girls. That's classic "I'm pulling a move on you."

"What did you do?"

"I told him that he needs to figure out what's going on with him before he ruins another friendship."

"He's a fucking idiot." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Who is a fucking idiot?" Kiara said as she walked up to us.

"Tyler," I said. "He tried to apologize and hit on me at the same time. Who does that?"

"I can't wait for him to get it together. I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Well, apparently his parents are going through a thing. They have no idea what's going on with him. He realized that his little friend has been cheating on him, and been trying to get a basketball scholarship. So he's a little stressed right now we have to forgive him. No matter what he does. I Guess that's what he thinks." I said, while trying to figure out where I put my phone.

"He's a dick." Jesse said with a weird look on his face.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When I got home I laid on my bed and just thought about some things. It had been such a crazy year so far. I never thought that so many things could happen. Jesse and his brother fighting all the time, his sister getting sick, fighting with Tyler. Tyler dating a crazy girl, driving all his friends away, his parents fighting. Robyn-I don't even know what to say about her. So much has happened over the course of like six months. I think at this point me and Kiara are the only normal ones. All of a sudden I got a call from Tyler. It was 10 at night, one it's late, two, I have nothing to say to him, so I declined it. Like two minutes later it rang again, Tyler. I declined it again. Then got a sudden rush of text messages from him coming in.

Jaleia

Pleaase

Idk wat to do

Help

Jaleia

Jaleia

Jsleis

So I texted back

What could be so damned important?

FaceTime?

No, what do you want? Before I block you.

Jay

What, are you just wasting my time?

No, it's just that...

Mariah is pregnant 

I almost dropped my phone, I read it again to make sure I wasn't crazy. Pregnant? Pregnant? What the hell? Do they not know what condoms are? I get that she may not wanna be on birth control but damn no condoms? What the hell were they thinking? So many thoughts rushed through my head. What were they going to do with a baby? I guess I took too long because Tyler texted me to see if I was still there.

Jay?

Shocked.... what do you mean like you saw the test?

Yes, positive

Your fucked

Thanks. that helps I dont know what to do

I dont know what you want me to tell you

Didnt she cheat on you?

Yeah but the timing....

Its mine pretty sure

You gonna tell your parents?

I dont know what the fuck to do

And no im not telling them

Your bro?

No. not yet. he wud tell them

Is she keeping it

Yes

Your fucked

Please help me

What do you want me to do? I didn't have unprotected sex and get someone pregnant. What am I supposed to do about it?

I dont know, im flipping my shit

I sighed, as annoyed as I am at him right now, I know that if I was in his shoes I wouldn't want the bitchy attitude I was giving him even though he completely deserved it. I would want a little understanding, so I decided to actually try to help him as best as I could. After all, when your friends are in trouble you're supposed to support them not tear them down. Right? Right? And I think at this point Tyler has literally reached rock bottom. I don't think he can go any lower. As much as I feel he doesn't deserve it, I'm going to help him. Then again this is not my responsibility. I don't even know what he expects me to do. I don't even know what to do. I don't even know why I'm so surprised.

You know I'm still mad at you right?

Yea

But I'm going to help you, cause I care about you and I think you've also suffered enough right now.

Thanks

But you have to tell your parents, how can you even keep that a secret?

My parents dont care about me, her parents are always really busy. For the next couple months she wont show so...

And then whats the plan? Thats not a plan and its not smart.

Well she doesnt want to tell them until after prom.

What? Thats ridiculous and stupid

Well she has a cousin that works at planned parenthood that can hook her up until then

Please dont tell anyone. shell kill me and we dont want anyone to know

What if I tell someone that I know really well?

You can't tell anyone.

How am I supposed to keep this a secret? There is no way I can keep this a secret-no way. I have to tell at least Kiara, I know she won't tell anyone else and you know she won't.

Fine but if it gets out then Mariah and me are going to kill you

Ttyl, Tyler.

Night.

I sighed, what a mess. I can't wait to tell Kiara tomorrow. I don't even know how to feel at this point. I'm not even sure I want to be involved but I think it's a little late for that. A part of me can't even believe it. I hope it's just a late April fool's joke because... I don't know how this will end but they need to tell their parents for one. This whole situation is a mess. I grabbed the blanket on my bed. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Jesse's POV

"Hey bro!" Shaun said as he opened the door to my room.

"What do you want?" I said, I didn't even look up from my laptop.

"Mom and dad are going out for the night, they sent Diana to Aunt Ebony's. You know I never had a chance to repay you for ratting me out. I know you told mom and dad about school and the car and all the other stuff. So don't worry the time has come for me to repay you for that."

"Just get out Shaun. You deserved it! You're not going to run all over me anymore."

"Oh I'm Not? Did you finally grow a pair?"

"Get out!"

"Make me, BITCH!"

I threw a shoe at his head. I ducked as he threw it back at me. "Fuck you!"

"Oh well I thought about all the ways to repay you and I thought what does Jesse care about the Most? And I found something. Those stupid guitars limited edition special bullshit-" I looked up at him.

"Shaun, what the fuck are you talking about?" I started to panic those guitars were so expensive I bought one and my dad bought the other for me. Special edition, gold trimmed, rare, Martin guitars. I have special cases, everything for them. They cost over a thousand dollars each. Those were not your average guitars. They are like collector's guitars, I very rarely played them.

"So I decided to fix them up for you."

"Leave them alone I swear, Shaun." I said as I got up to check for them in my closet.

"I already have them little bro, no need to look for them, I'll show you." Shaun smiled sadistically.

"Shaun, what the fuck are you talking about. This is not funny, do you know how fucking expensive those are. I will-"

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