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foxpunk · 4 months

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Here is a link to the original full statement of Tal Mitnick posted to Twitter (X) on the 26th of December, 2023. Tal is an 18-year-old Israeli who is a conscientious objector refusing to serve in the IDF. While he isn't the first conscientious objector in IDF history by far, nor the only one currently openly refusing to serve in the IDF, he is the first to do so and receive jail time since October 7th and the "start" of Israel's genocide more than 80 days ago.

I feel it is morally and historically important for his words to be preserved and for everyone to have the option to read his statement. However, even with the new year having passed, I have not been able to find a version of it with a full transcription of the images from the original tweet - through ALT text or plain text - and so I have transcribed it below.

"There is no military solution - a statement of refusal

This land has a problem - there are two nations with an undeniable connection to this place. But even with all the violence in the world, we could not erase the Palestinian people or their connection to this land, just as the Jewish people or our connection to the same land cannot be erased. The problem here is supremacy, the belief that this land belongs to only one people. Violence cannot solve the situation, neither by Hamas, nor by Israel. There is no military solution to a political problem. Therefore, I refuse to enlist in an army that believes that the real problem can be ignored, under a government that only continues the bereavement and pain.

On the seventh of October, Israeli society experienced a trauma the likes of which was not known in the history of the country. In a terrible invasion, the terrorist organization Hamas murdered hundreds of innocent civilians and kidnapped hundreds more, families were murdered in their homes, young people were massacred during a rave and 240 people were kidnapped to the Gaza Strip. After the terrorist attack, a revenge campaign began not only against Hamas, but against all Palestinian people. Indiscriminate bombings of residential neighborhoods and refugee camps in Gaza, full military and political support for settler violence in the West Bank, and political persecution on an unprecedented scale inside Israel. The reality we live in is a violent one. According to Hamas and also according to the IDF and the political echelon, violence is the only way. Continuing this cycle: "an eye for an eye" without thinking about an actual solution that would provide security and freedom to us all, only leads to more killing and suffering.

I refuse to believe that more violence will bring security, I refuse to take part in a war of revenge. I grew up in a home where life is sacred, where discussion is valued, where discourse and understanding always come before taking violent measures. In the world full of corrupt interests in which we live, violence and war are another way to increase support for the government and silence criticism. We must recognize the fact that after weeks of the ground operation in Gaza, at the end of the day - negotiations, an agreement, brought back the hostages. It was actually military action that caused them to be killed. Because of the criminal lie that "there are no innocent civilians in Gaza", even hostages waving a white flag shouting in Hebrew were shot to death. I don't want to imagine how many similar cases there were that were not investigated because the victims were born on the wrong side of the fence. The people who said "no negotiations with Hamas" were simply wrong. Period. Diplomacy, political effort, and policy change are the only way to prevent further destruction and death on both sides.

The violence that the army uses and has used over the years does not protect us. The cycle of violence is indeed a cycle - the violence of the army, like that of any army, produces more blood. In practice, it is nothing more than an army of occupation and its maintenance. At the moment of truth it has abandoned the residents of the south and the entire country. It is important to distinguish between the ordinary people and the generals and self serving people who sit at the head of the system: none of the ordinary people decided to fund Hamas, none of us chose to perpetuate the occupation, and none of us decided to move troops to the West Bank days before the invasion, because settlers decided to build a Sukkah in Huwara. And now, after a long-standing policy that was always destined to explode, we are the ones who are sent to kill and be killed in Gaza. We are not sent to fight for peace, but in the name of revenge. I decided to refuse to enlist before the war, but since it started, I am only more and more sure of my decision.

Before the war, the army guarded settlements, maintained the murderous siege on the Gaza Strip, and upheld the status quo of the apartheid and Jewish supremacy in the land between the Jordan and the sea. Since the outbreak of the war, we have not seen any call for a real policy change in the West Bank and Gaza, for an end to the widespread oppression of the Palestinian people and the bloodshed, or for a just peace. We are seeing the opposite: the deepening of oppression, the spreading of hatred, and the expansion of the fascist political persecution within Israel.

The change will not come from the corrupt politicians here, or from the leaders of Hamas, who are corrupt as well. It will come from us - the people of the two nations. I believe wholeheartedly that the Palestinian people are not an evil people. Just like here, where the vast majority of people want to live a good and safe life, have a place for their children to play after school, and to make ends meet at the end of the month, so do Palestinians. On the eve of the seventh of October, support for Hamas in Gaza was at a low of 26%. Since the outbreak of violence, it has grown significantly stronger. In order to change, an alternative must be put in place, an alternative to Hamas, and an alternative to the militaristic society in which we live. This change will come when we recognize the suffering of the Palestinian people over the years, and that this suffering is the result of Israeli policy. Along with recognition must also come justice, correction, and the construction of a political infrastructure based on peace, freedom and equality. I do not want to take part in the continuation of the oppression and the continuation of the cycle of bloodshed, but to work directly for a solution, and therefore I refuse. I love this country and the people here, because it is my home. I sacrifice and work so that this land will be one that respects others, one where you can live with dignity.

Tal Mitnick, 26.12.2023"

#tal mitnick #palestine #israel #i don't care if you repost and/or copy paste this in full elsewhere #the point is that a text version exists not who makes it #if anyone knows of a full plain text version elsewhere (ESPECIALLY from a more official source than my personal tumblr blog) please lmk #so i can share that one #(though i do think its important that a plain text version exists on tumblr in itself as well so i'll keep this post up regardless)#there is also an excellent article by +972 magazine that has more statements/interviews from him if you want to understand more about--#--his motivations and the organizations inside israel supporting him (as well as MANY other israeli teens and objectors)

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teejaystumbles · 2 years

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@ all writers - how do you write when you're not at home and inspiration strikes? Do you use your phone? A specific app? Or do you carry a notebook? Or a traditional notebook with pen and paper?

#personally I use a very simple notebook app on my phone which lets me share notes via mail to myself #and then i copy/paste it into my text files later #i used to write per hand a lot but when i have to do it now i feel so slooooow #and my handwriting has deteriorated #about me #writing #dreamling #fanfiction #artist problems

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melannen · 11 months

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How To Make Your Own Fanfiction Archive, In Just Ten Easy Steps

As the go-to "person who knows about AO3" for quite a few people who read fanfic but aren't really linked-in to wider fandom culture, I've fielded a lot of questions about how to do certain things on AO3 to which my best answer is "you should really start your own archive!" I think, in general, more fans starting their own small archives would be a net good for fandom. AO3 was never meant to be the only archive for all fandom, or even the main archive, and the more spread out and backed up we are the more resilient we are.

But of course I have to be reminded that a lot of fans these days don't really have any idea how little "you should start your own archive!" really involves. (Also, that I should practice what I preach.) So I am now making my own fanfiction archive, and writing up this post as I do it to tell people how to make theirs!

Go to https://neocities.org/ and sign up for an account. It only needs a username (which will also be your website address), password, and email. Pick a username that will be related to your archive's title!

Choose the free account option (if you ever need more than what the free account offers for a text-only archive, you should probably look into graduating from neocities.) This should take you to a menu of "how to make a website" tutorials. You should do them! They're useful skills. But let's get your archive running first.

Hit the big red Edit Site button, or open the menu under your username and select "Edit Site".

Select the "Index.html" file to edit. You're now in an HTML Editor. Congrats, you're a web developer c. 1999!

Find where it has text between the < title> tags. Delete the filler text, and put in the title of your new archive. This text will be what shows on the tab when people go to your archive.

Find where it has text between the < h1 > tags. This will be big header text at the top of your page. Put the title of your archive here again. If you have no experience with HTML, you should read over the other sample text. It covers the basic basics very well! Once you've done that, you can delete everything else between the < /h1> tag and the < /body> tag. Save your index.html file.

Get an HTML file for a fanfic you would like to add to your archive. If it's on AO3, you can use the html download option built into AO3. If you have it as a word processor/google docs file, you should have the option to save as an html file. Save that html file to your computer.

Go back to Edit Site on Neocities and go to "upload". Find the html file you saved and upload it. (You can also drag and drop files to upload.)

The file you uploaded should now be showing with your other neocities files. Right-click on the title and select "copy link".

Go in to edit index.html again. Under where you put your header text, type < br> < a href=" . Then paste in the link you copied. Then type "> Then put in the title of the fic. Then type < /a> . Then save the index page again when you're done. You can do this for every fanfic you have.

Congratulations! You now have your very own personal private fanfiction archive that you are 100% in charge of and make all the rules for. It's at least as good as half the ones I was reading on when I started reading fanfiction and will serve its function well as a way to let people read your fic. You can link to it from anywhere you want! (Including your AO3 profile.)

Blogpost version, with FAQs and discussion

Anyway, here's my beautiful new fanfiction archive made using this tutorial:

Melannen's Fanfiction Archive

(I am honestly way more disproportionately proud of finally making that than I expected to be. It's nice to have your own archive.)

If you make one, share it here ! I want to see!

#ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #fanfic archive #how-to #tumblr what are you doing to my angle brackets #why would you do that what's wrong with you

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unforgivable-miracles · 10 months

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HUGH :: 009

A light academia theme. This document includes a general profile, appearance, personality, history, and connections. The connections page can always be copy-pasted and can have multiple pages of it. I recommend keeping the length of the text so that it doesn't mess up the formatting.

#instructions

Do not get rid of credits

If you don't know how to edit already: file > make a copy

After copying, go to: Share > Settings (top right icon) > Uncheck "Viewers and commenters can see the option to..."

To replace images: Right-click image > Replace Image

The PSD used can be found here labelled as ACADEMIC.

DM me if you have any questions or even requests! I'm open to anything and if you think something is wrong, please talk to me about it.

DOWNLOAD THE DOCUMENT HERE

#charactertemplates-unforgivablemiracles #google doc template #google docs template #oc template #character template #docs template #gdocs template #roleplay template #roleplay resources #discord roleplay #rp template #discord rp template #discord roleplay template

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megumishotgf · 2 months

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pov: megumi has a crush on you

summary: more megumi headcanons i fear… ya’ll like my texts way more so this is definitely written for me.

warnings: reference to catcalling? other than that sfw + gender non-specified!!

masterlist

reserved! megumi who takes his time getting to know you. he studies all your qualities and aspects personality as if one day he’ll be quizzed on your features. megumi admires your ambition and drive but most of all your tenderness and selflessness. he’s drawn to people with good and expressive hearts. people who like to help others and perform nice gestures just because they can.

attentive! megumi who focuses diligently when you’re speaking, concentrating on every single trivial detail, even those that slip absent-mindedly past your lips without much thought. he listens to you ramble on and on about your interests yet it never bores him (and he gets bored of people alright). speaks so softly with you in a tone that surprises everyone around you (mainly nobara and yuji who have never seen him so interested in another human before… he’s always this soft to animals, though).

nerdy! megumi who prefers reading non-fiction but will pick up your favourite fantasy novels just because he wants to feel close to you. seeing your eyes light up when he mentions the titles to you makes his heart swell. highlights his favourite quotes and annotates in between pages. he’ll share them with you, gaze fixated on you as your eyes scan over all of this thoughtful comments. you feel such genuine happiness knowing he has gone so far to do this for you.

sappy! megumi who picks up one of your romance suggestions next, finding himself relating to the hopelessly enamoured protagonist. again, he annotates his copies and scribbles exclamation marks when he comes across passages that resonate with his growing feelings for you. doesn’t show you these ones, of course. at least not yet.

shy! gumi who admires your kindness from afar. all the little things you go out of your way to do just to help someone else. when you assist yuuji in the kitchen with his high-protein meals or paint nobara’s nails with great precision. when you’re the first to offer your seat up for an elderly woman on the metro or when you bounce out of your seat to help your teachers carrying piles of school documents.

observant! megumi who notices all of your little habits. the kind of things that make you feel so loved and cared for when he mentions them back to you. those things that no one else really noticed even if you badly wanted it to be seen.

love-sick! megumi would configures multiple playlists about you. one playlist containing all your favourite tracks and another with all those that you recommended to him directly. the type to listen to ‘i wanna be yours’ and fall asleep to thoughts of being with you. so many random romantic playlists often come up on his spotify profile. one time he made you a physical mixtape. yes, it was mostly just love songs… you swore it was just a coincidence. mostly.

insecure! megumi who constantly thinks he could never be good enough for you. dismisses your concern when you notice him distancing himself (because somehow you can distinguish between this and his usual quietness) but can never fully push you away. feels his heartbeat accelerate when you offer him physical comfort (with less reluctance than with anyone else). hugs from you are so comforting.

touch-starved! megumi who craves your physical affection all the time and it gets very noticeable. his arms instinctively circle around your waist whenever you greet him, rushing over for a hug. at first it was always you initiating the affection, but it’s starting to feel so natural reciprocating it. your hand will subtly slip into his when you are walking around central tokyo together or you’ll cling onto his side for comfort and warmth. he worries that you’ll be able to hear his obnoxiously loud heartbeat when you do so, but nothing could make him pull away.

annoyed! megumi who glares at his friends when they tease him about your physical affection (or when they hear your nicknames for him). but at least they have the decency to wait until you’ve left, he thinks. i give them one more week, yuuji says to nobara as megumi walks away in the same direction you just went.

if looks could kill… nobody would want to experience angry! megumi. even yuuji and nobara started to feel unsettled seeing him like that after some old loser started to catcall you. you had barely registered what was called out to you before he fearfully disappeared around the corner.

kind! megumi who opens his arms for you when he sees you’re upset. sometimes struggles with verbal comfort, but he remembers how nice it is to be hugged by you, so surely this should help. it does help - and he feels his heart swell when you thank him for being there for you.

even more nervous! megumi who finally musters the courage to confess his feelings for you. rehearses the speech in his head (and surprisingly to yuuji) tens of times only to be left astounded after you make the confession first. finally kissing you felt like the sun rising after months of darkness.

megumi who has infinite amounts of layers!! getting to know him is truly a magical experience. ultimate green flag he is perfect end of discussion!!

haven’t published anything in so long… hey ya’ll. how is everyone doing. pls send requests i am out of ideas!!

#jjk x reader #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #fushiguro x reader #megumi comfort #megumi headcanons #megumi my beloved #jjk drabbles

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justepilepsy · 2 months

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Headsup

In case anyone of you has been following the reveal of James Somerton's fragrant Plagiarism via Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)

James Somerton has released a second response video, which may be more collected and calm, but he mentions his diagnosis with epilepsy and therefore the memory issues he suffers from as a reason for how the rampant continous plagiarism was possible to happen over and over again.

I believe him in saying he has memory issues. (I also believe him that he got fired because of his epilepsy, because sadly this is a very common occurence!)

I personally am not convinced, that memory issues cause you do copy-paste entire books and a multitude of articles into a script, close the doc, open the doc the next day and go "wow i definitely wrote all that, let me read it into the camera".

I don't remember a lot of the things I am saying, especially in verbal communication. Friends quote me back constantly and a lot of times I don't remember, I can only say "this sounds like something I would say".

My memory is very bad at times, and terribly accurate at others.

I know there are different types of memory issues.

But I can not - for the life of me - ESPECIALLY when I know I have these issues, imagine that someone with memory issues does not include pasting a link to the SOURCE of the text they are copying into their word.

I also am pretty sure, one would recognise their own writing style, even when not remembering writing something... especially in like - longform text formats.

I think also - when having a co-author, I would lean towards asking the co-author to check my writing for instances of accidental plagiarism, in order to stop it from happening (again).

But maybe this is just me. Am I being overly harsh here?

I don't want to shoot against someone who is also epileptic without reason. Please share your thoughts.

#james somerton #youtube #actually epileptic #epilepsy #memory issues #it feels like somerton came into my house and shat on the carpet #like idk it doesnt feel plausible that the memory issues are the cause of this level of plagiarism and it just upsets me #hbomberguy

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crtter · 2 years

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List of New Spamton Lore

This post contains all the new information about Spamton revealed on September 17th and 18th 2022 through the Spamton Sweepstakes and the Twitter Q&A, ranging from the most important reveals to small details, in no particular order!

Spamton might be dual typed, with his two elements being Puppet and Cat. It could also be, however, that he merely meant that the Puppet and the Cat elements share the same elemental weaknesses and that his sole element is Puppet.

Spamton once considered Swatch a close friend who always listened to him and was a shoulder for him to cry on.

Spamton seems to be especially fond of the Mike person he mentions in the game, citing him as the only one he’d spare if he got revenge on all of those who he feels have wronged him and declining to give people any information about him in order to protect him from “THAT [Cathode]’S CREW”.

Spamton is aware “haters” want to inflict bodily damage onto him (especially cover him in milk and throw him against a wall) and his official stance on the subject is “[Cool down with a]!!! WHAT IF ONE DAY, YOU ENDED UP [Killed] ME!?” and “WE DON’T DO THAT WITHOUT [A 72 hour paid Appointment]!!”

Spamton met Noelle before her arrival to Cyber World through her replying to his spam e-mails (implied to be about a supposedly “friend finder” website she tried to find her sister through). She was the only one to ever reply to one of his e-mails and, in return, he sent her a code that, when input into the Cat Petterz 2 game, produced a pipis reminiscent to the Bad Egg glitch from the Pokémon games.

The Pipis Spamton sent Noelle is implied to be the only gift he ever gave someone, since he seems unable to give people goods without trading them for money, even symbolically, either because of his corruption or as a trait of his species.

Spamton is aware people find him attractive and attributes it to his “MASSIVE [Ass]”.

Spamton doesn’t know what his Spamton EX form would have looked like.

Spamton claims that first three letters of the hidden, garbled lyrics hidden in BIG SHOT and as a voice line in the Spamton plush are “F I N”.

Spamton recognizes that his speech contains “[Brackets]“ and “[Random sp4m quotes]” to someone who’s looking at it in text form.

Spamton can repeat pieces of phrases he reads or is told, something he does in four different occasions between the Sweepstakes and the Q&A, which implies some of the things he says might be fully copied and pasted together from other sources.

Spamton claims his favorite food is Mexican food, but very specifically from the Pipis “The Original” restaurant, which is a reference present in the original game.

When answering this particular question, he answered it by repeating phrases taken directly from the restaurant’s Facebook page almost word for word.

Spamton considers himself handsome.

Spamton might know about Jockington and thinks he’d disapprove of his “Pipis Big Shot Fantasyship Ring” product, maybe because Pipis isn’t a real sport.

Spamton is in a certain amount of denial about his downfall.

Spamton made two separate references to being willing to be in a three-way relationship.

Spamton doesn’t like people that aren’t very well acquainted with them referring to his Pipis as eggs and calls them “[The boys]”. He considers the idea of them being used as a food source as pretty barbaric but admits it’d look “DELICIS” and “[Cheap]”.

Spamton knows a certain man is responsible for handing white eggs to people.

Spamton doesn’t seem to remember the Knight (or is pretending not to).

Spamton claims the Cungadero is the “[Nation’s Most Popular Car]”.

Spamton has always been shorter than the other Addisons.

Spamton seems to find non-digital painting an interesting concept and dubbed The Mona Spamton as “[History's First Fully Authentic] PAINTING”.

Spamton describes what happened to him as being made “INTO YOUR [living puppet] AND [enslave me] WITH [visions of glory]”.

Spamton implies that, at one point, he was pushed inside the Queen’s pool and given a swirlie in the mansion’s toilets.

Spamton seems to believe he has “died” in the past in some way.

When asked about his sexual orientation, Spamton claims to “LIKE [anyone and anything] THAT GIVE ME [Money]!!” and to be a “[Business Loving Businessman]”.

The little animated sprite of Spamton dancing borrows some moves from the famous Dancing Baby, a CGI animation from 1996 that’s widely considered to be the first meme.

Spamton finds Queen attractive. More specifically, that she has a “[smoking hot a$$]”, something he mentions in two separate occasions when referring to her.

Spamton appreciates his fans, calling them [Fellow Freaks].

Spamton considers Ralsei a “[scringley]”.

Spamton knows what memes are (he spells them as “m3m3”) and referenced around 11 different memes in both the Sweepstakes and the Q&A.

He specifically referenced the everyteenagers4free hot dog husband post when talking about Jevil, which could imply they’re exes.

Spamton considers Berdly’s statue as the best thing he has ever found in the trash.

Spamton seems to have frequent flashbacks about being evicted from Queen’s mansion.

Spamton thinks the Addisons were never his real friends and were embarrassed to be seen with him because he was “bad for business”.

Spamton knows what Neopets are.

Spamton stuck his nose inside a Cungadero’s auxiliary power outlet at least once.

#god is this long! sorry everyone #Spamton #Deltarune #Spamton Sweepstakes #Spamton Q&A #long post

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northgazaupdates · 19 days

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Journalist Hossam Shabat responds to a problematic article about journalists in the west being unable to reach Gaza. Hossam writes,

The biggest problem is not Western journalists being unable to enter, but the fact that Western media doesn't respect and value Palestinian journalists. My colleagues and I risk our lives every day to report on this genocide. No one knows Gaza like we do, and no one understands the complexity of the situation like we do. If you care about what's happening in Gaza, you should amplify Palestinian voices. We don't need Western journalists to tell our stories; we are capable of telling and reporting on our own stories.

Context under the cut:

From the very beginning, Western journalists have neglected the people of Gaza. They focused on how resistance actions have impacted settlers, and mentioned Gaza in only the most reductive of terms. But now, as the scale of atrocities by the IOF finally becomes too great for them to ignore, these same journalists are crafting a new narrative: ‘We didn’t ignore Gaza because we don’t care, or because it was politically convenient to do so. We just couldn’t get there to report on it.’

This is a lie concocted under the weight of ever-fickle Western guilt. They deflect their accountability for creating IOF propaganda by claiming they were kept from reaching the area. However, even more than a lie, it is an insult to Gazan journalists—those still living and those murdered by the occupation.

Gazan journalists often have contacts outside of Gaza who could help them evacuate, but they chose to stay. They chose to stay and document the genocide against their people, and did so at immense personal cost. Montaser Al-Sawaf was injured and lost 50+ family members in a bombing attack, before he was bombed again by the occupation and left to slowly die in the street. Mahmoud Ziad Aliwa and Mohammed Saber Arab are still missing after being kidnapped by the IOF while reporting from Al-Shifa Hospital during the latest siege. Eshak Daour lost his brother just a few days ago.

But as they tried to share their footage and words with the world, they were ignored, in north Gaza especially. The world had no interest in the words of Gazans, but especially if they were Arabic-speaking. Rather than undertake the relatively simple task of finding a translation for Gazan sources, or contacting Gazan journalists directly in English (of which many of them speak at least a little), they were flat-out ignored. Only English-speaking journalists with massive social media followings received any acknowledgment, and even then it was extremely minimal.

The journalists of Gaza have always been there, they have always been speaking out and asking others to simply share their words. The implication that only western journalism counts as “real” journalism is insulting, degrading, imperialistic, unprofessional, dishonest, and cruel.

This blog was created due to uplift the words of north Gazans, which were not and often still are not reaching the rest of the world. We will continue sharing from people in north Gaza, but we ask that you, reader, do so as well. Do what western journalists have refused, and uplift the voices of people fighting for their survival in all of the Gaza Strip.

Many journalists post partly in English, but for those that don’t, Arabic speakers will often leave English translations in comment sections. You can also ask for someone to do a translation in the comment section, and often someone will reply. If they don’t, you can copy and paste Arabic text, or take screenshots and upload them into Google Translate. These are not perfect tools, but they give you some idea of what is being said. It’s better than simply not listening.

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widowmaxff · 5 months

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you don't know what you got until it's gone (PART ONE)

pairings: natasha romanoff × fem!reader

warnings: angst, sad ending (in this one)

-> part two!

When you arrived at your shared apartment that night - after your long shift at work - you had a bright hope in your eyes that maybe your girlfriend was there, waiting for you to come home, you always did that for her. But of course she wasn't there again like she had been for the past few months. Natasha is a superhero, obviously she was doing what they do, but she's your girlfriend too, isn't she? So why doesn't she act like it? - you thought.

In the first year of your relationship, Natasha was the most caring person you could ask for. You'd wake up next to her everyday, she would kiss your entire face telling how much she loved you, she would take days off to be next to you all day. And when she had to go to missions, she would apologize a thousand times saying that she doesn't want to be far from you. Now, she just leave a text to you. 'Went on a mission. Don't know how long it will take.' — she typed the same words everytime, you guess she probably just has the message copied already. There wasn't 'I love you' or 'I miss you' in the message, nothing that would show a little affection for you, was she tired of you?

You were standing in the middle of the living room, looking at the picture in the white wall of you and Natasha at a park near your apartment. That was the last time you and her hang out together. The last time she said she loved you, the last time you remember looking at her beautiful eyes and think 'how did I get so lucky?'. In that time, you wouldn't think your relationship would need a heal to get in just days after that photo.

Now, you just sit in the bed in the dark of your bedroom wondering if it's time. You didn't want to have the talk with her, because you knew she wouldn't know what to say to you. And if she did, maybe you weren't ready to hear what she has to say to you. Natasha could be mean if she wanted too, so mean.

Then, you heard the key on the door, your girlfriend was finally home. You took a glance on the digital clock next to your bed - 1:15AM. Natasha was earlier than the other days this week, was she finally going back to your 'normal girlfriend'? The heavy steps of her boots made all your thoughts go away. You took a long breath before she entered the dark room.

"Oh, did I wake you up?" She whispered with frowned eyebrows, seeing your form curled up in your own arms wanting it to be hers, not yours.

You signed before taking your eyes of the floor and look at her. She was still wearing her black suit, you'd always make compliments of it in the past when she'd go to work before you. You remember her face going as red as her hair when you'd say that things to her. "We need to talk."

You didn't miss how her body flinch when you said that words. She knew what you were talking about. "Right now? It's a little late, you know." Natasha almost run over to the closet, open the drawers looking for her some clothes.

"I know. But you always get home later than this all the other days, it won't bother you being awake a little more." You say dryly. She stops before looking at her feet, thinking about the next thing she would say to you, what she needs to say to you?

Natasha turns around. "Okay. What do you want to talk about...?" She tries to stay normal, walking towards you. You still had a cold look on your face, she had never seen you like this.

"Do you still love me?" That caught her of guard. She still loves you. Of course she does, doesn't she? Natasha opens her mouth, being amazed by your question. "Yeah... yes, I do love you, Y/n. I've never stoped loving you."

You bite the inside of your cheek, that was the first time in months that she had said that she loved you, but you are hating the moment. "So why don't you show it?"

"...What do you mean? I don't understand." She shakes her head taking a step closer to you. Natasha cross her arms underneath her breasts, waiting for you to continue what's in your head.

"I know you don't." You obviously knew it. She wasn't around. She wasn't the one who could stay with you on your most heartbreaking days, the one who reassure how important you are, the one who could say that everything was going to be okay. She didn't know it. "You are never around to know if I feel loved by you or not."

"What? Of course I'm around! I still live in here, I lay next to you everyday, Y/n." She has an annoyed face now, like you were taking her precious time and saying stupid things in to her eyes.

"Oh, really? So when was the last time you hugged me? Kissed me? Held my hand? Said you loved me?" You started lift your fingers for every word tha came out of your mouth. "You are never around me, Natasha! You are always working until it's late enough for me to be awake so you can come home! And I know it because Wanda told me that you all are dismissed much more earlier than this." You take a breath waiting for her to continue with the words. You weren't even thinking at that moment, just saying what's in your head.

"Just because I work harder and more than everyone else it doesn't mean that I don't love or care for you!" Her voice starts to be louder by now. "You have to understand that the world doesn't envolves around you, Y/n. That I will stop working because you need me by your side everytime!"

"Well, guess what, Natasha? I actually got used to not have you by my side for the last few months, because you don't try hard to make this relationship works!" You got up at now. She takes a step back making room for you, so you could scream at her annoyed face. "I wait for you everyday! You know you are all I have and the only thing that matters to me. So it would be really nice of you if you do the same for me."

She stays quiet. Looking at your dark eyes by now, seeing how you are really trying to not cry over the argument. Natasha sighs, her hand going to her hair massaging it, trying to think what she could say to you. "Say something, Natasha. Do something!"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm going to quit my job, stop being a super hero just because you want me twenty-four hours per day with you?!" Her hands form fists going to the side of her body, controlling her anger towards you.

"Maybe some days off won't kill you! Risk being by my side, Natasha." You shout at her, her eyes closed hard while her head going low. "Choose something!"

"You are being unbelievable right now."

"Me? Just because I want my girlfriend to spend time with me after months of not caring about our relationship?" Natasha's hands go to her face, massaging her temples trying to be calm, almost being impossible at this point.

She grows before walking past you and heading towards the bedroom door. You only start following her when she is already going down the stairs. Your heart was racing, was she really leaving you? Was her job more important than you? Of course it was. She was years working in there before meeting you. She loved everyone on the team and mostly being a super hero. You weren't the one who could make her risk her job for someone.

Natasha takes her keys before turning around and going to the main door. She still doesn't turned around to see if you were following her, because she knew you were doing it. Your girlfriend opens the door slightly, taking a deep breath. Her head turns to the side with closed eyes, maybe regretting all of it. The argument, not being around you, not being a caring person for you. "Don't stay up waiting for me." And then, she left. You don't know how much time you spend looking at the door, would she come back to you? You didn't know. But you knew you had lost the love of your life, because Natasha was selfish enough to not change for others, even if it means she would lose someone.

#marvel imagine #avengers imagine #mcu imagine #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha marvel #natasha mcu #marvel cinematic universe #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff angst #scarlett johansson #scarlett johansson imagine #natasha x you #black widow x reader #black widow

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tower-girl-anon · 8 months

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Asteroid Memoria (1247) in the sign and houses

Hello everyone! I apologize for the long absence along with the on and off vibe given these last couple of months. As a little resume, this year hasn't been the easiest in terms of emotions and health, but, after a period of struggle, a kind of balanced footing has been found these days so there is hope to get back on track with sharing more astrological posts. It won't be the same as it was at the beggining of the year or the last one, but I will try to keep it moving.

After saying this, now I have come with another asteroid post that could be interesting to know and that is Memoria (1247), which, in english, means memory.

This asteroid in the natal chart could represent on how does our memory work and what things our memory tend to keep so, in this post, I will describe how does our memory work based on sign and house placement.

As always, take what resonates, enjoy it, and don't copy this post without giving proper credits to the owner. So let's get into it.

Aries/1st house These natives have a very quick mind. Depending on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, this sign and/or placement could grant the native with the ability to memorize everything quickly and with ease, so much so that they could be known for their amazing ability of retaining information. This could describe perfectly of those people who only study a few ours before an exam and still get an excellent grade despite the lack of prior study. Despite this, the retain of information can dissapear from their minds as quickly as it came. Remembering past actions, violent episodes, and peoples faces or bodies could be some of the things that they tend to remember the most. They don't usually shy away of sharing the things they remember.

Taurus/2nd house Depending on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, this sign and/or placement could indicate a person who needs time and hard work to retain information on their memory. Despite this, once they learn, live some experiences, or study hard, they don't tend to forget what they learned. They don't tend to make the same mistake twice and their ability is not usually shared with others if this asteroid falls in the second house. Mathematics, finances, hard-work experiences, fashion, cooking recipes, and art could be some of the topics they tend to remember the most.

Gemini/3rd house Depending on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, this asteroid under the sign and/or house of the communicative Gemini could signal a person who has a strong and quick memory. This person can remember almost everything, especially things that has been writen or said out loud, that is why they never, or almost never, have a problem with school grades. Maybe they can grasp conversations or situations that are happening in another part of the room. For example, they could be studying but, a few steps away, there is a couple who are talking and they can remember both the information of what they are reading and the conversation that is taking place a few metres away. Goosip, texts, and knowledge are some of the things they tend to remember the most.

Cancer/4th house This individual has a very selective memory; they prefer to keep on their head or mind the memories which created some emotional impact in their lifes. Of course, the strength of this memory depends on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, but, in general, these natives they tend to keep on their memory everything related to their emotions such as family, their home, chilhood, friends, etc., and every emotional reaction that came from those memories. If they formed an emotional connection with somebody, then they will never forget them. For better or for worse, every pain and joy in their lives will be safely kept in their memories.

Leo/5th house The memories of these natives are very selective; they don't tend to retail especific details, but are very good on remembering the general or most important information of a situation. Of course, as I've said on every other sign and placement, the strength of this memory depends on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart. What they tend to remember the most are not only the most important information of every subject, but also things related to their childhood, their creativity, and the things that make them feel important. For example, if they have a hobbie or a topic that they really love, they would remember most things they learn from those things rather than from other topics that they are not interested. If they date, maybe they will be able to remember all the details of their exes. The same can apply to the celebrities they follow.

Virgo/6th house The memory of these natives are very unique. When it comes to remember things, this natives can remember almost everything that has been said and done, no matter the topic, or, in case there are some conflicting energies between this asteroid or its ruler to other planets in the chart, there are capable to recount conversations and facts so detailed about them or others that many could feel surprised. It is like, if they remind you of something you said and, in return, you ask them of when did you say that, they could tell you with almost every detail of the place, hour, date, or situation along with the almost the same words you used. This ability is really helpfull in careers that need especific or careful procedures such as medicine or engineer.

Libra/7th house These natives are very good at remembering things related to other people. No matter if the people they met were good or bad; if they had good intentions towards them or not; if they stayed for long or not; no matter what circumstances, these natives will remember them. Of course, it will depend on other aspects if their memory is strong or not, but, if you impressed them, then they will remember you. These natives are more prone to remember the actions of other people and their appearence rather than words. No matter if they are family, romantic partners, friends, or whatever, if those people were bad or unjust towards them or towards other, they will remember it and take note of who to trust or consider a good person. The same applies to those people who treated them better.

Scorpio/8th house For those who have this asteroid under the intense sign of Scorpio, your memory could either be very good or very bad. It will depend on many things, including aspects of the ruler of the sign or house to the rest of the chart, but since Scorpio or the eight house rules the intense place of the underworld, the taboo, the sexual side, among many things, these individuals could have a detailed memory when it comes to these topics. Maybe they can even remember past lives or bring back hidden traumas from other lifetimes. If they experienced trauma in this lifetime, they could either remember the experience very well or they could shut it down completly in a way that they may forgot about it. In any case, these natives will prefer to keep their memories private. Intense experiences (be it physical, love, sexual, spiritual, or related to money) could be the main thing they remember.

Sagittarius/9th house A very good placement for students, travellers, explorers, or people who likes to learn new lenguages. This placement is ideal, unless there are some other aspects in the chart that block this energy, because it allows these natives to gain more information and keep it in their minds with ease. It doesn't seem to be a limit on the capacity to retain things in their memories but, despite this, they could be prone to remember knowledge better than other things like familiar or romantic stuff. Along with that, they could be prone to learn more general details rather than detailed ones since their excitement for knowledge could make them impatient when it comes to spend more time knowing extra details

Capricorn/10th house The life lessons are the most important element to keep in the memory for those individuals who have this asteroid under this sign or placement. Rather than knowledge, they prefer to remember their career or path through life; their lessons and achievements; the obstacles and setbacks they had to face in order to reach the state or placement in which they are now; all that has to do with life experiences. They could be prone to remember old family stories or stories that elder people tell them. History could be a subject in whic their memories work better or, at least, feel more enthusiastic abut it. A downside of this aspect or placement could be a complication of their memory once they start growing older. Somehow, their memory could be a huge element that could affect their career path.

Aquarius/11th house This is an interesting placement for sure. It is not about these natives of being fixed on certain memories or not having a good memory. On the contrary, if there is something that captures their attention and is important to preserve it in their memory, then they can remember it with a huge ammount of detail. This group of people could be the type, in the case that they have bad aspects that could create problems to their memory, to remember something out of the sudden and then forget it the next second. The things they could remember the most are friends, things that happens in their social circle, things they see or learn through internet, or news related to things that affects others in general.

Pisces/12th house These individuals have a curious memory, but full of potential when it comes about reaching or recieving downloads of memories through spiritualism, tarot, and dreams. At some points, their memory can get foggy since it may look as if they are unable to remember what others told them or to remember a lot of details. In a way, they could remember the things they needed to do at night, when they are about to go to sleep, or just at random times. Despite this difficulties, that others may refer to as lack of concentration, they have a strong intuition. They may remember things from past lives, being that memories or abilities, but they may not always know it. Sometimes, it is just an intuitive feeling rather than a conscious recollection. Dreams, art, and spiritualism could be some of the topics that they remember the most.

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nieded · 3 months

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#RAINBOWROAD for Rainbow Railroad Charity Drive Redux Pre-Orders are open!

I am so excited to announce that I am taking preorders for copies of the entire #RAINBOWROAD trilogy starting today! Preorders will be open starting today, February 14th (happy Valentine's!) to March 13th. It will close at 11:59 MST.

Please reblog so we can spread the news!!!!

>>PRE-ORDER HERE<<

This past summer, I did a print run of the first part of the series, Sit Tight, Take Hold and printed 94 copies for charity. Many readers asked for books 2 & 3, and I had many others express interest in a 3-part bundle who missed the first run. I've spent November, December, and January prepping the next parts for print, and I'm so excited to share them with you.

So, what is included?

Option for a 3-book bundle including:

Book 1: Sit Tight Take Hold 424 pages on matte 80lb text paper, color printing throughout. Cover has matte lamination in color. Dimensions of the book are 6x9x.93. Weight ~2 lbs Art by Blairamok (See cover art above)

Book 2: How do you solve a problem like Ezira?, Accept a Little Spin, and Oh, there's a long way to go 408 pages on matte 80lb text paper, color printing throughout. Cover has matte lamination in color. Dimensions of the book are 6x9x.93. Weight ~2 lbs Art by DustandHalos (cover art below)

Book 3: Fools Rush In and bonus content, 0-60 in 3.5 468 pages on matte 80lb text paper, color printing throughout. Cover has matte lamination in color. Dimensions of the book are 6x9x1.06. Weight ~2lbs Art by Pyracantha (cover art below)

PDF copies of all three parts

Option for a 2-book bundle including only Parts 2 & 3 + PDF copies. This is an option for people who already own the first book.

Limited option for Part 1 discounted damaged books (15 available). This does not include PDFs. These books have cosmetic damage to the covers from shipping. Damage does no affect the print quality of the text.

Limited postcards that were extras from the first run (only 8 available)

Remaining Corvette Crowley posters, including A/B grade options, 12x18".

$20 PDFs of all stories that will include all the formatting of the print run and cover art! (Screenshots from the PDF proofs below)

Where are the proceeds going?

Rainbow Railroad is a North American-based organization that works globally to ensure safety and asylum to LGBTQIA+ individuals. This is the same charity we donated to last time, and it was a resounding success. Last time, we were able to fundraise $1,600!

Continued FAQ below:

How much does shipping cost?

For US residents, bundles will cost a flat fee of $10. They will ship via media mail through USPS.

For anyone outside of the US, shipping has been estimated through the cheapest carrier, either USPS or UPS minus $10. Unfortunately, I cannot control the cost of shipping, and I know that it is extraordinarily high. The bundles will weigh anywhere between 4-6+ lbs, which is expensive to ship.

Wait, I'm from the US. Why am I paying more for Media Mail?

While Media Mail typically would cost $4-6, the increased price is to offset international orders, whose shipping will cost anywhere from $20-60 with the discount. I hope you understand. I want to make this as accessible as I can without personally eating any costs. I am not making any profit off of this project.

When do orders ship?

Once pre-orders close on 3/13, I will order the books. There is typically a 2-4 week turn around for them to be printed and delivered to me. I then have to package and ship everything from my house. I hope to have everything shipped 1 month after pre-orders close, but I am only human.

US mail should take 2-8 days. International orders can take anywhere from 2-4 weeks, so please be patient.

If you are only ordering a damaged copy or postcards, both of which have already been printed, I will ship those out sooner.

When do I get my PDFs?

The PDFs and book proofs are the same, and they are 90% done. PDFs will be delivered via email by me once pre-orders close. I am still doing small changes and edits to make sure they are perfect!

If I order a bundle, do I also need to order PDFs if I want digital copies?

NO! PDFs are included with the bundles and only the bundles. You will not have access to them immediately, only once pre-orders close and I email them to you! Like I said, they are 90% finished, and I am stilling making small adjustments. (Kerning, I loathe you!)

What percent of proceeds are going to Rainbow Railroad?

100%! This excludes the cost of printing and shipping. For reference, the first print run cost $1,254 for the books alone, not including shipping and packaging supplies. Anything remaining goes directly to charity. I am not keeping any costs for labor or making any profit on this.

Wait, there's bonus content?

Remember when I said I was done after the trilogy? Well, @tut557 popped into the Discord server and said, 'Hey, what if they played Mario Kart...' This spiraled into a long conversation about all the different media promos they might do, and then I spent this past November writing another 50k of the #RAINBOWROAD universe for NaNoWriMo. This is also available on AO3, and I will be posting weekly while preorders are open. You can find it here.

#rainbow road #charity drive #rainbow railroad #good omens fic #please reblog and spread the word!!

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flourdove · 9 months

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001. BIBLICHOR

say hello to . . . BIBLICHOR ! a five-page free to use, single muse character template. biblichor includes a general profile, appearance, personality, history, and relations. it is probably not mobile friendly, but i'm unsure because i didn't test it out myself. a big thanks to @thistlemurder who helped create this template! it was my first time ever making a character template from scratch and i had so much fun! definitely going to continue making templates and i hope i improve and learn as i go foward. feel free to edit this in any way you'd like! take free reign. however, do not remove the credits.

how to use :: . . . click on the embed link that will direct you to the template. once you are there, click file > make a copy. name the document and then you'll be directed to your copy of the template. . . . go to share > change general access to anyone on the internet with the link can view (unless you don't want that!) how to edit :: . . . all images in this document are not drawings. to change them, right-click the images and press 'replace image'. it is preferred you use this method instead of copy pasting and then resizing the image. . . . changing font sizes may mess up the placement of the tables and images. if you run into a problem with the font size, just click undo. . . . exceeding the limit of text in the tables may displace the images and tables. i very much recommend adding a link to a continuation of the text. . . . feel free to dm me if you have any trouble with this doc! i'm open to questions and to helping you with whatever (i'm not that google docs savvy though, beware.) thank you all! likes and reblogs are heavily appreciated.

#google docs template #google doc template #gdoc template #google docs #rp resources #rp template #rp docs template #character template #character sheet #character sheets #character sheet template #writing resources #writing community #discord rp #single muse template #discord rp template #flourdove

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somnambulic-thing · 7 months

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wrong number 2.2k

A/N: Just had an idea for a fic I will very probably never write in a fully flashed out way because I have a million wips and no attention span and no deisre to have more wips but don't want to fully let this idea go to waste so here it goes in very shortened form and probably very messy and rough.

Eddie x afab!reader || imagine them in their early/mid 30s

cw: mental health themes, reader has a broken leg, angsty shit, fluff, happy end

You moved cities to have a fresh start after a rough time came to an even rougher but long overdue end. You know nobody here, a clean slate to draw new blueprints on.

Two weeks in and despite your grumpy hermit ways, you are friendly with some of your neighbours already. They are nice, helpful people which is a win you take like it was a million bucks.

Three weeks in, you fall down a flight of stairs, break your leg and bump your head. Brilliant.

Back from the ER you sink into your bed, looking at still unpacked boxes and biting back bitter tears of frustration when your phone beeps. You eye it suspiciously, anxious your past might be knocking already, bloodhounds of days past sniffing your weakend state and their chance to inflict a little more pain.

You figure you're overracting, turn on the sceen and find a message from an unknown number.

[Hey Rick. Sorry to drop this on you on such short notice, but I won't make it to your get-home-from-prison party tonight. I can swing by next week with a six-pack or something. You have a good time, yeah? I'll explain when we see each other.]

[Hey there. I'm afraid you got the wrong number. I don't know any Ricks. But gratulations to him from me for getting out of prison, when you get a chance. Unless he's a serial killer or something comparable. Then I want you to run.]

[Well, shit. Sorry.]

And then after a few seconds: [I get back to you in case I need a place to hide.]

And somehow this sparks a conversation that lasts for hours. His name is Eddie, you learn after some minutes of back and forth which are unsuspectedly remarkably funny. But he's surprisingly also really concerned about your leg and your mild concussion and the fact that you mentioned you will give yourself one day of rest and then try to catch up on and get as much stuff done as you can with your cast and crutches. Luckily you can work from home, you say. Eddie isn't sure how he feels about that.

He makes you swear you take it easy. He asks if there are people that can take care of you and you lie to that concerned stranger who is the first person to make you laugh out loud in a too long time. You tell him your friends are taking turns to look after you. Why lie to a stranger? It's complicated... He keeps checking in, keeps chatting with you about all kinds of things all day long no matter what he has to do: Work, band practice, DnD, being out with friends or his uncle, Eddie keeps lighting up your phone all day long. The later the day, the deeper your conversations and you soon get the feeling that Eddie isn't all just fun and jokes but when you actually try to poke softly, he evades you.

[When you feel better and still are interested in my bullshit, I'll share. Promise.]

Okay, fine. Why would he want to trust you with his private struggles? He's just a stranger, with friends and an support system, who probably will lose interest to invest his time into you sooner than he himself is expecting. Which is fine... really... would be fine if he wasn't really funny... and interesting with a hundred interests and hobbies... and so weird and oddly caring... and living on the other side of the country.

But four days in and you wake up with a text from him, asking you if you finally could sleep a little better than the days before.

And then at 3am and endless hours of exchanging messages filled with thoughs and musings and dreams, he offers to send you a copy of a book he is sure you would enjoy. That he really needs... you to read for important reasons. One of them is to remedy the boredom inflicted by bedrest in those hours Eddie is busy and can't entertain you.

You give him your address almost without second thought, despite your mind telling you to maybe think about it first...

You had avoided anything outside of texts - no pictures, no calls - and he hadn't pressed the matter by himself. Which was a relief because you're not sure if you could witstand the temptation if he were to offer.

Getting more pieces of him... It just felt too dangerous. But a book was just a book, right?

You rely on your 72 year old neighbour for food and other errands and chores around your place. Mrs P is such a sweet old lady eager to help as much as she can, bending over backwards for you. So you naturally try to bother her only when it's really dire.

Seven days in and you see the postman stuff a small parcel into your mailbox. You hurry to snatch your crutches, not even thinking about what you are doing and you limp down the six stories to your mailbox way too fast. Your head is not happy and neither is your leg and it takes you and your ego ages and all your strength to get back up to your apartment.

You fall into your bed, exhausted, sweaty and in pain and crying in frustration and you fall asleep on the package from Eddie before you can even think of opening it.

Your phone rings and wakes you up when it's already pitch black outside. You've slept most of the day away.

Answering the phone on autopilot, still half asleep you don't check the name on the screen.

"Yeah?" you drawl.

"Jesus fucking Christ you're alive."

"What--? I--"

"I haven't heard from you in hours and your messages sounded so antsy and sad all day and I had a bad feeling somehow. Are you ok? Did I wake you?"

"Eddie?"

"Yeah, sweetheart. Hi, that's my voice. Anxious edition."

You're overwhelmed. Finding no words while his words dig deep trenches of longing into your brain which are hard to get out of...

"You still there?"

"Uh-hn, yeah..."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just woke up, like you said. That's my voice. Sleepy edition."

And then he laughs. Oh god, what a sweet sweet sound.

"Hmm, sorry I just was really worried here..."

You tell Eddie there is nothing to worry about but that he's very sweet and he asks you if you have a little time to chat, tells you he likes your voice, likes it a lot and of course you have time but something weighs on you and the flutter of bats in your stomach.

You can't say if it's the aftershock of your staircase ordeal or the fact that your wonderful stranger keeps getting more and more real and more and more precious or a mixture of both. Suddenly there is silence on the other end of the line.

"Eddie? You still there?"

"Something's off."

You shuffle and feel the parcel poke into your ribs. You dig it out from under you, face heating up from two sources - the gift and his tone - and you start to fumble the parcel open.

"I'm sorry--"

"Don't be. I just want to help. Let me help."

You finally fully unwrap the book. It's a well loved worn paperback copy. You run your fingertips over every wrinkles and cracks in the cover. Your voice sounds dazed to your own ears when you speak.

"I got your book..."

"Oh. Okay, yeah, great. And?"

You notice the excitement in his voice, notice that it matches your heartbeat when you open the book and find it full of notes. On some pages the margines are completly filled with Eddie's toughts.

"I just unwrapped it, like, ten seconds ago."

"Oh."

"I didn't realize you would send me... such a personal thing... looks like a diary..."

"Kinda is. Too weird?"

You stare at his handwriting which is somewhat of an elegant scratch and all those little sketches and something inside you gives way.

"I'm not okay..."

"I know. Tell me?"

You tell him that you lied, that there were no friends despite your eldery neighbor looking after you and you tell him about your little ordeal this afternon and about feeling tired and lonely and scared and starved for joy and he listens through it all.

Now it will be too much, you think but then you look at the book in your lap and keep talking. When you're done, there is silence on the other end.

"You still there."

"Processing."

"Mad?"

"Nope."

"Too much?"

"For me?" He chuckles. It's bitter and wonderful. "Sweetheart, it's not me who's dealing with all that shit right now. If you can handle living it, I can handle listening to it..."

"I hear you swallowing a but."

"But I know what you're talking about..."

You talk a little longer and despite him saying everything is alright, something is different. He seems distant, distracted, not fully with you. You keep leafing through that book, gently tracing the lines that are proof of his existance, marks he left in the world, preparing for him to ask you to send it back as soon as you can. You prepare for him to realize this was a mistake. A charity case gone wrong.

Eventually you get tired and a headache and he tells you to go rest, voice soft and deep and you're preparing for this to be the last time you'll hear it.

"Sleep well, yeah?"

No more sweetheart.

"I will. You too."

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

You have a restless night and wake up to a message from him.

[Good Morning. How did you sleep?]

You smile, feeling stupid, like you overreacted and you exchange some messages but they are short and flat and there is still no sweetheart. Around noon, your phone has gone silent. Inside your chest, the echoes of disapointment are deafening.

You bury yourself in his book, and it feels like you're having a conversation with him through his notes for they are like direct replies to your own thoughts about the story unfolding. You can't put it down, probably look up from it for the first time in hours late in the evening when you're full on crying, holding the book away from you to not get tears or snot on it.

And then there is a knock at your door. Three sharp raps. Quick.

And you think it must be Mrs P with your groceries, you feel guilty that she has to carry all the stuff upstairs while her knee is bothering her. You make your way out of bed, get your crutch and slowly move towards the door.

"Coming!"

You realize you still have the book in your hand and you wedge it under your arm to open your door and--

"Hi."

Your heart is racing as your mind tries to keep up with what is happening. You consider pinching yourself, consider reaching out to touch him, see if he's made of flesh and blood or delirium, feel the dip of a frown-made crease betwen his brows under your fingertips, the fine stubble on his cheeks under the slide of your thumb.

"That's my face. Worried edition... why are you crying?"

You lean against the crutch, wipe at your cheeks with one hand, dry your fingers on your shirt and pluck the book from under your arm, holding it up wordlessly. Eddie's face lights up in a big, wide, gorgeous smile. Now there are dimples you want to explore. Suddenly the floor is moving.

"Easy, easy." Warm hands steady you. You hear the door fall close behind you and then it finally dawns on you.

The dreamy guy from inside your phone is inside your flat.

He's holding you steady by your shoulders on outstreched arms, searching your face with big, incredibly dark eyes.

God he's fucking beautiful.

"You gonna faint, beautiful?"

You shake your head. That's all you can do.

"I'm going to use your very understandable shock to ramble for a moment, okay? Okay. The obvious first. What the fuck am I doing here without invitation? Offering you my help. I rearranged all my shit and I can stay for two weeks, if you like. I have a hotel room booked and ready if you don't want me to stay the nights. Next: Why didn't I ask on the phone first? Because I kinda feared you would just say no and be all tough and stupid about needing help. I am way more charming in person and I was counting on me actually being here, a real guy, showing you that I mean it, would make it easier to convince you... Am I pushy? Yeah. I guess I am. But... if you really want me to piss off again, I will piss off. We pretend that I was just getting back my book because you're not fit to get to the post office right now and I'll never bother you again... but I could stay and make you dinner while you tell me which part of the book made you cry, decide over my fate when you're fed and calmed down? I left a whole load of food with your neighbor downstairs. Nice lady. Thinks you're a stubborn thing, by the way."

You swallow around something enourmous and try your vocal cords on something simple.

"Hi."

He tilts his head, smiles softly.

"Hey sweetheart."

You inhale deeply. Your exhale either carries bravery or invites doom but suddenly you're really, really hungry...

"You're really here."

"Yeah, shit, I know... to be honest, my knees are really wobbly right now?"

"You're crazy."

"Hmm, totally... bad case... started about a week ago..."

And there you see it. He's nervous too. That finally makes him real.

"So," you say, reaching out to cup his cheek, your touch coaxing out those dimples again. "What's for dinner then?"

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #long fics I will never write #my fic