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cooki3face · 9 months

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how does your person view intimacy with you (18+)

This could be someone you’re in a relationship with or someone who really loves you, whose really infatuated with you pile one, I’m hearing they go out of their way for you, they bend over backwards for you. To get to you. To see you. You could be a water sign or this person is a water sign. This queen of cups energy really has to do with emotions and being compassionate and caring but I also see it having a lot to do with you just having really good p*ssy or really good d*ck or something but im getting that a good amount of you are feminine energies and may be women. Someone would go to jail behind it, go to jail behind you. You might drive this person crazy this person is really impulsive about you and they aren’t like that for anyone else. You bring out a side of this person that’s reserved only for you.

I’m hearing this person saying you get them there everytime. I hear this person saying you’re magic or your body is magic. This person could have a lot of fantasies about you as well that has me thinking of that unreleased song by Ariana right now that’s really popular.

I fantasize about it all the time

If you were mine

I'd give this p*ssy to you, nine-to-five, five-to-nine

Try to behave, but I'm feelin' some type of way

That just ain't me

I’m kinda getting with the rest of the lyrics that some of you could be seeing someone else or dating someone else right now and this person might not have seen you in a while or they’re waiting around for you to break up with person so they can see you again. They just can’t wait to see you again. Idk this person feels like this person doesn’t deserve you. I hear them saying “they can’t f*ck you like I do.” Or like that song that goes “ya’ll don’t look right together. You look like mines forever.” This could be someone who really likes you, who could be want to be more with you but they kind of take you when you let them have you and they don’t ask for more because they don’t wanna look silly or they don’t want to look/feel ungrateful.

I see this person dissatisfied with anyone else they’ve been sleeping with or been talking to. They wanna indulge in you pile one. You could also be unhappy where you’re at as well you could’ve been receiving other messages and tarot readings talking about this person, you could’ve dreamt about this person recently or seen something they posted on social media and it got you thinking. I’m getting that there’s a lot of unfinished business with this person as well. The divine might have plans for the two of you or when you guys see eachother again they may have something they wanna say to you.

ii.

You and this person could share mutual attraction or mutual love for eachother. You or this person could be a fire sign. I’m getting a lot of fiery, passionate energy, I’m sitting here having hot flashes. This person could really enjoy kissing you or you really enjoy kissing this person. Lips are really significant this person may think you have really nice lips or even just have a really nice mouth. You can be really good at oral. I’m hearing this person thinks about getting head from you very often. They have flashbacks they start reminiscing. I’m getting this person may zone completely out in public thinking about you or the intimate moments you share and someone has to come in and snap them out of it.

Yes, this person really craves you I’m getting. Probably more than they can handle. This person may have a lot of stamina or may be hard to keep up with, you can keep up this person, you can match their energy and they really like that about you. I’m hearing you guys have very sloppy and passionate moments. I’m getting hot weather. Y’all could like to do it in public, broad day. Y’all like to get creative. You could know this person to be very easily aroused by you as well. Like they could just look at you and be ready to go because they’re just so in love with you. This person loves your face and your body. This person could be really attracted to your chest as well.

I’m hearing this person is ready to pop up on you, run to you at any moment of the day about the intimacy you have. I’m hearing any time, any place by Janet Jackson. I hear this person has really deep feelings for you pile two. They may try to keep themselves away from you because the relationship you share or the energy they hold on a regular basis can be really complicated or heavy and they don’t want to burden you with it. I see them trying to see other people or trying to fill the void you leave them with and nobody can do it like you do, like they don’t turn them on the same. Someone is saying you have a magic touch too. I almost typed magic trick. You can have a lot of tricks or be really skilled at the things you do. I’m hearing this person is so glad to have you like you make them feel like the man or a natural woman!!

Yes, you and this person may be in separation right now. Growing separately, releasing baggage and healing. This person could mean a lot to you or you mean something to this person. I see this person trying to keep themselves busy to try to keep their mind off of you. Sexually, emotionally. I see this person coming to you very respectfully the next time they see you though pile two. They don’t want you to get the wrong idea, they don’t want you to think they’re thinking of the wrong things or objectifying you because they see you as so much more than a body and the beauty you hold. This person holds something really sweet in matters of the heart for you pile two. It’s a win-win.

I see this person wanting to spoil you as well. This person could be really possessive over you as well. They don’t want anybody else to have you and their really serious about it.

iii.

I see this person having a lot of passion for you. Like I’m hearing it takes everything in them to hold back and not put it down on you or tell you how they feel, show you how they feel. I’m getting rocket by Beyoncé, let me sit this a** on you, show you how I feel. I see this person trying to be gentle and patient with you, trying not to impose anything on you or take you without you being sure and ready for that type of thing with this person. This person really values you, you could’ve known this person for a long time. They can think you very innocent or very fragile I’m getting and they don’t want to ruin that or take that away from you before you’re ready. You could be a virgin as well.

This person could tell their friends about how they feel about you, or really be in their heads about what they want to do to you or how much they wanna romance you. I’m hearing they feel like you know how they feel based on past interactions with them but because of some sort of situation between the two of you that’s caused a lot of stagnation and deep contemplation between the two of you , you don’t think anything of it or you don’t think they crave you the way they do. This person could secretly be very fit, this person could probably do a lot to you. lol idk why I’m getting “a lady in the streets, a freak in the sheets” idk this person may not reveal the way they get down in public or they keep it under wraps, or people may severely underestimate them but in reality they got that good good. If this person is a guy he’s got it going on if you know what I mean but not a lot of people know and people don’t think he does.

I’m hearing this person saying, “let me show you something.” They give the energy that they just wanna lead or they wanna take control and you follow their lead and go with the flow. Like they know what they’re doing. Aw, but I’m getting this person really wants to reconcile with you or apologize for something or make amends. Their really unhappy with the condition of you guys connection at the time. You guys could not be on talking terms or in separation. This could be a soulmate connection as well. I’m hearing “missionary cause his/her face is pretty.” Both of you could be generally very attractive people and well sought after. I’m getting there are people watching this person they have all these options but they’ve realized you’re who and what they want. This pile makes me wanna giggle. Like it’s so cute and sweet.

Find me elsewhere:

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TikTok: @cooki3face

Book a personal reading with me! My link is in my Instagram bio. Tysm for reading! Come and visit me sometime soon <333

#self love #self care #self improvement #self discovery #dream girl #self expression #healingjourney #self healing #manifestation #divine feminine #divine masculine #18+ readings #tarotcommunity #tarot readings #pick a pile #pick a card reading #tarot readers of instagram #tarot readers of tumblr #tarot readers of TikTok

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lovelyyandereaddictionpoint · 11 months

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How would the suitors reaction be when their wife ( Crewle daughter) is pregnant with triplets? And meeting the kids after birth?

With Ruggie, Jack, Lions, Malleus, Silver, Trey, Vil and Ace

Triplets Are Here | Yandere Twisted Wonderland Crewel Daughter

Ruggie Bucci

“What can I say I’m a beast in bed!”

He’s not going to act like it even could have been inherited to you

He’s got a whole new air of confidence

Not only does he have the woman of his dreams

But he knocked her up times three

Hopefully that will squash anyone else’s delusions about being with you

Either way he doesn’t mind getting rid of them the old fashioned way

“Awww they look like we had babies! Oh wait-”

“Just focus on feeding that one.”

“Yes Mama!”

Jack Howl

“...!”

“Jack?”

“!!!!”

“Jack?!”

“!!!!”

“If you faint now, I won’t catch you!”

This is the best news

A strong litter, a perfect mate

He’s protecting his already larger than average pack

“Back away or I will not hesitate to end your life. I’ve got four lives to protect now.”

Leona Kingscholar

“Geez…three?”

“Don’t make that face.”

“What face? I’m just surprised you took me so well.”

He has mixed feelings about it

Especially when he’s catering to you as your belly swells to an almost unbelievable size

And you groan in pain

“Why don’t the brats just get here. I hate seeing you in pain.”

He’s heard of other lions so jealous they kill their kin

But as he holds the little bundles he can’t begin to fathom it

He might just cry

Malleus Draconia

“If you and I were not made for each other, theres noway this could be.”

He’s ecstatic

But the entirety of Briar Valley and the world around you must be made to cater to you

Devoted to your comfort and health above all else

he even struggles to let Crewel see you

“Nothing will ever hurt my loves. My babes. My wive. I’d curse the world for you.”

Genocide Murder spree ensues should there be any pain or assassination attempts

No one’s so much as flicking you

He’d sooner rend them to ash

Silver

“Three…at the same time…?”

“Yes so we’ll have to get three times the baby equipment and–Silver?”

“Three…in…you?”

He’s barely processing any of it

Even when he’s practically carrying the four of you as you waddle places

“Our babies…”

“Aren’t they precious they have your eyes!”

“M-m-my eyes-? Agh-!”

“Its okay babe this is a good time to cry.”

“H-how did Dad do it!? I-I’m never letting any of you leave me!”

Any protective traits are amplified even higher

And if there was ever a time he refused to kill anyone in his pursuit for love

That has long since past

Trey Clover

“Well I did always say I wanted a big family!”

He’s thrilled to see your tummy rounding with his children

All while you incessantly demand for his sweets and cooking

And he’s jumping to his tooth brush after a rough morning

But its all made even better when they arrive

Little mixes of his love and himself

“They’ll have the cutest little teeth!”

He definitely saves them when they get older

But he’s the perfect papa

Poisoned sweets and all

Vil Schoenheit

“We’ll be parents…is that registering?”

“Barely. When we agreed to marry I doubted ever moving further than that.”

“Does it make you unhappy?”

“Not in the slightest.”

He’s brimming with anxiety

Worry eating away as he contemplates his own jealousy and the excitement of having a child

It doesn’t become much easier when the triplets arrive

He despises the paparazzi

So much so he’s willing to set his rabid fans on them

Purge them of every photo of his adorable babes

He’s the only one who gets the honor

A dazzling photo of your delivery is only for his eyes

Doxx the peeping toms

“They’re all mine. I’m willing to lose everything for them.”

Ace Trappola

“Dang! I really am amazing–Ow! Joking, joking.”

He couldn’t be happier

What better way to prove his love ownership of the sexiest woman alive if it weren’t for the giant round belly you had

And soon to be three little rascals that are further testaments of his status

He’ll whine about things

Probably more than you

But in the end he’s glowing with pride as you look down at your freshly born babies

“Ehehe they can’t deny that I may have children for days but I’ve got game.”

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midnight-on-pluto · 9 months

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Hi. So this is my request.

Tenya Iida x reader where the readers parents kick them out because they want to be a hero and are in UA. Then they just show up at Tenyas door in the pouring rain to ask if they could sleep at his house for a night. And Tenya is just so 😠mad. Protective Tenya activated.

so sorry that this took me ages to get out! I had no motivation for months and am finally attending my drafts and rebranding lol! so here's the first of many to come ♡♡

warnings: emotional abuse, reader is kicked out by their parents, self-deprecating and unhappy thoughts

SFW, fluff, angst but not really, mostly comfort.

I should have been a doctor, I thought. My clothes clung to my body, skin prickled with goosebumps as I collapsed onto the ground. The unsigned, now drenched, permission form was bunched in my fist, my nails digging into my skin.

“Why would we sign this?” My mother’s voice was ringing through my mind as I recalled tonight’s events. “Just so you to go kill yourself for some dream?”

“Stupid,” I scolded myself. The cold rain only picked up as I began to cry, choked sobs being drowned out by the pouring rain.

“If you don’t want to give up on this silly dream then leave!” My father slammed his fist down on the table as he spoke. “I don’t want some mediocre hero claiming to be my child. Go play hero somewhere else.”

I took a deep breath, eyes shutting tightly to blink away my tears. “This is pathetic,” I said to nobody. My hands rubbed the tears off my face, replacing it with mud from the ground.

I stood, legs tired. I didn’t even think to look at where I was going, just running as fast and far as I could. I looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings, the only light coming from the streetlights. I patted around, luckily smacking something hard and rectangular shaped, my phone.

I pulled it out, 3% battery remaining. Quickly I pulled up my GPS, trying to see where I was and what the closest place to go was. I’d run close to UA, luckily. Perhaps I could see if anyone was still there, although unlikely.

I tried looking around more, finding a familiar street name. Tenya’s street, I thought. Something inside me sank, dreading just showing up at his doorstep, soaking wet with tears and mud staining my cheeks. But it was the only place to go, and I trusted him more than anyone else in my class.

The walk wasn’t very long, but it felt like forever. The rain only worsened, I would definitely be getting sick. By the time I got to Iida’s street, my phone died. I continued, walking up the street and stopping at the mailbox reading IIDA. A light was on inside, I could see in the dining room. Tenya sat there with his family, eating dinner. They were smiling, even laughing as his older brother said something, a huge grin on his face.

I took a deep breath before walking up to their door. I stood for a moment, enjoying the roof over my head before shutting my eyes and raising my fist.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

I took a step away from their door. Eyes willing themselves to open and hands behind my back, gripping my wrists tightly in anticipation.

A few footsteps came from the otherside before their dark blue door swung open. A woman, blue eyes and black hair, answered with a smile. I opened my mouth for a moment but said nothing. As she studied me, I could see her smile fade lightly and her face contorted into confusion.

Tenya came up behind her, his brother following behind. His blue widened after seeing me, hand going to the woman’s shoulder and leading her out of the way.

“Tenya,” was all I could manage for now. “Hi.”

The girl and Tenya’s brother shared confused looks, then left us alone. Tenya stepped out onto the porch, hand immediately flying to my forehead.

“You’re cold,” he said. “What’re you doing out in this weather?”

“Can I stay here?” I asked him softly, “just for the night.”

His head tilted, eyes focusing on me. “Sure,” his hand slipped into mine before he used the other to open his door again. He pulled me in, shutting the door behind us.

“Stay here,” he told me, gesturing to the welcome mat I stood on. I looked at my feet, wet socks leaving dark wet marks on the fabric. Shit, I thought. Forgot shoes.

The woman peaked from the dining room archway. Tenya’s brother tugging on her shirt, “leave them be, mom.” He whispered. I didn’t look over at them, too embarrassed to look. Instead, I studied the inside of his home. The beautiful stairs leading to the second storey, their living room to the left of me, their dining room on my right. Bookshelves lined their walls, golden trimmed books glittering in the light of their entrance chandelier.

It wasn’t long before Tenya came back, a grey bath towel with him. He put it around my shoulders, telling me to dry off before he disappeared into the dining room. I pulled the warm towel to myself, covering my face with it in embarrassment. My legs started shaking as my thoughts wandered, tears threatening again.

I could hear light whispering from where Tenya had gone, a woman’s voice questioning, then Tenya’s voice answering. I inhaled sharply, willing my arms to move so I could dry off before he came back.

Tenya’s footsteps approached, I kept my gaze limited to the floor, my hair blocking the view of anything else, rain lightly dripping down to the mat. I felt my cheeks burning.

“Come upstairs,” his voice was calm, understanding. “You need to get out of those clothes, take a bath.”

I only nodded and let his hand grip mine, letting him guide me upstairs, turning a few corners and into his bathroom.

“I’m going to start a bath, okay?” He waited for my nod before turning on the water.”Feel this, tell me if it’s too hot.”

I stepped towards the bathtub and reached my hand into the water, “it’s good.”

He sat on the edge of the bathtub while it filled up, hand still in the stream of water to regulate the temperature.

“Do you wanna tell me why you’re here?” He asked. His voice was soft, not an ounce of annoyance or grievance coming out.

“I was kicked out,” I spoke. “No more home for me, I guess.” The light chuckle that left my lips turned to a sob and I quickly breathed deep to stop the impending breakdown from happening.

“What?” His voice now sounded slightly angry, but still filled with kindness. “Why would your parents do this?”

I didn’t say anything, still trying to hold back my tears. I only shrugged my shoulders pathetically as an answer, and he turned the tap off and stood up.

“Take a quick bath, you can use anything you’d like in here. I’ll wait outside so just knock once you’re done and I’ll bring you some clean clothes, okay?”

I nodded again, then he left. I let the tears fall from my eyes the moment the door shut. The towel fell from my shoulders and I sniffled back as I peeled the clothes off my body. Stepping into the steaming water, skin tingling as it enveloped me, I finally let myself cry. The water smelt of my favourite scent, something I assumed Tenya added while filling the tub.

I dipped down, fully submerging myself into the water and coming back up for air. I curled into a ball, arms reaching for the bottles of soaps and creams on the tub corners. I started reading what they were through blurry eyes.

Birch scented shampoo and conditioner, moisturizing body wash, shea butter body scrub. I used the scrub, rubbing it up my arms and silently crying.

I took a long bath, testing out every product on his bathtub. I heard his brother come to say goodnight to him, asking if I was okay and then leaving once Tenya told him I would be. His mother came to say goodnight with his father, asking what was wrong and asking if I would be here for breakfast tomorrow morning.

After a while, the water had turned cold and the bathroom smelt like a mix of Tenya. I reached into the tub, pulling its plug and reaching for the towel. I dried my feet off first, stepping onto the tiled floor and then rubbing the rest of my body until it was slightly dry, no longer dripping everywhere.

I walked up to the door, giving it three light taps.

“Can I come in for a moment?” Tenya’s voice came.

“Sure.”

The door handle turned and Tenya walked in, handing me a small pile of warm clothes and then leaving, closing the door shut behind him.

I dressed myself, then stepped into his hallway. He’d given me dark blue sweatpants and a matching hoodie, both too big for me. I had to pull the drawstring of his sweatpants tightly and tie them into a bow.

Tenya was waiting in the hallway, leaning against the wall dressed in his pajamas. When I stepped out he quickly turned to me, eyes landing on mine as I finally looked up at him.

“Did you eat dinner?” He asked quietly. I shook my head, no. “Follow me.” He led me down the hall and into his bedroom, which had the bedside lamp on. A mug of hot tea and bowl of soup were placed alongside the lamp, and glass of water with them. He had set up a mattress on the floor of his room, blankets and sheets fitted on it.

I started to walk towards it, but was caught by Tenya. “No, you take the bed tonight. Have some soup too, please.”

I turned to him. “Tenya, I can’t take your bed. I’ll be fine on the floor.”

“Please,” he begged. I gave in, walking to the bed and gesturing to him that he sit beside me. I sat cross legged as he handed me the bowl of soup.

“They don’t like me being a hero,” I managed in between spoonfuls of soup. “Not good enough for them.”

He looked at me. “You don’t need to explain if you don’t wish to,” he said.

“It’s okay, that’s really all they said.” I lied. My mother’s shrill scream of, “don’t bother coming back until you can say you’re done disappointing this family,” ringing in the back of my mind.

I wished I could fool him, but the look in his eye was showing his true disbelief in my lie. His face was left with a frown, teeth chewing on the inside of his lip while he thought.

“How could you not be good enough for them?” He asked quietly, but not low enough that I missed it. “You’re an excellent student, an even better hero. You save lives, and it’s not good enough for them?” His voice was starting to rise slightly, anger lacing his tone.

“Iida please,” I tried to get him to lower his voice. “It’s really not a big deal, they just don’t like heroes, that’s all.”

“A parent is supposed to be a hero, someone who uplifts their kid’s dreams and supports them.” He was at a normal voice level now, his navy eyes locking with mine. “How could they kick you out over your dreams?”

“My parents aren’t like yours,” I whispered to him, “they don’t understand, just please keep it down.” My hand found its place on his before I knew what was happening and he froze slightly, eyes flickering down to his hand before looking back up at me.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered. “Just know that. I would’ve died a million times if you hadn’t helped me.”

I smiled at him, “thank you.”

“Now please finish your soup, it’s late and if you don’t warm up you’ll catch a cold.”

"Okay."

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#mha fluff #bnha fluff #mha angst #bnha angst #tenya iida #iida tenya #tenya iida x reader #iida tenya x reader #iida x reader #tenya x reader #angst #fluff #pluto’s asks 🌙

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dekusleftsock · 7 months

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Dekus no good, very bad, faceplant into masculinity and internalized homophobia

I made this a thought post from chapter 402 originally, but I can’t let these thoughts fester any longer. Gotta be correct about it 🫶🫶🫶

Alright so when I originally talked about this on a couple of platforms (not just tumblr, tiktok too and a bit on Twitter that has no connection to this account lmao) I feel like people told me that I was “stretching” with my assumptions.

But then Toga’s backstory being told to Ochako was… directly referenced to a queer allegory. And in 394, she directly says that she likes girls. It’s the thing said last, implying it’s something she’s still ashamed of feeling.

This chapter basically confirmed in my mind that Himiko’s blood quirk was the equivalent to the homophobia that was probably in her own household. And in my mind, that means that blood quirk = metaphor on her queer experience.

And then suddenly, the pieces clicked into place.

In 348, Izuku disagrees with Himiko and Ochako’s ideals—not only at the idea of girly romance, but also at unconventional romance.

Ochako has distanced herself due to Izuku’s inability to confront his own feelings. Shown both physically and metaphorically.

Ochako took all the steps to walk away because from Izuku. Because Izuku held her back.

Or more rather, she realized that Izuku was no allmight, but rather just an average boy in need of saving as anyone else. He is someone who’s flaws cannot align with Ochako’s own ideals for a relationship.

Because ochako is weird.

Izuku holds her back. She can’t be everything she needs to be while around him.

And that’s something Izuku’s not going to understand, not like how she needs him to understand.

And Himiko knows who Ochako is on a more fundamental level than Izuku ever will, and that’s okay.

I feel like whenever I talk about these character flaws having to do with Izuku, it almost sounds like I’m bashing him? I swear, I’m not, it makes complete sense as to why he is this way. And there are people (Katsuki) in the world who can have this in a relationship under the right communication, and some people can’t. And that’s just how we exist. That’s okay. We don’t all have to be compatible with everyone.

Back to the main point, the pieces and the people putting those pieces together were starting to see their parallels.

Even the manga placement parallels them, especially with how clever I feel horikoshi can be with his paneling.

Looking down, looking up. Both three quarter angles. Small mouth expression, big mouth expression. And that blush.

Fake smile when unhappy. Falling for someone who is dying, who you’d do anything for, even toe the line of death defending them, fixing them—just because you can’t help but love someone you wish had walked into your life sooner (or in Izuku’s case, accepted into your life sooner).

Someone you’d sacrifice for. Someone you’re violent for. Someone you’d kill for.

Someone you’d rather let an entire population of people die for than live without.

Someone you’re undeniably, unequivocally, selfish for.

And yet Izuku doesn’t recognize his same symptoms of love through Himiko Toga as Ochako does.

Himiko must be dehumanized to Izuku, because if she’s a person, then she is him.

(What’s even more interesting about this panel, is that if the characters were reversed and it was about Izuku’s violent feelings over protecting Katsuki, danger sense would be going off constantly. So toga is the perfect counter, but Izuku is the ultimate weakness.)

So, okay, how exactly do these things matter? How does this have to do with Izuku’s own personal struggle over his masculinity?

I think what’s important to clarify here is that when I say “internalized homophobia”, I don’t mean that he necessarily is beating himself up over the fact that he likes a boy instead of a girl.

I think it’s connected to his fear of rejection, and his own personal issues having to do with remaining a “strong man” instead of a “weak man”.

Izuku may not believe that liking men is anyone’s business but his own, but does Katsuki think that?

Izuku has called his feelings of admiration gross. Not that he himself is an awful person for feeling them, but that Katsuki will be the one to think they’re gross. And he’s worked so hard to get to this point in their relationship, he doesn’t wanna let it go over some stupid feelings.

And this is where toga comes into the picture, his parallels between her, because just how is Toga supposed to know that Ochako isn’t judging her for her feelings? Technically, all of the things she’s said before the final fight between them have only proved the inevitable. That Toga is gross, a freak, a predator, a danger, because she loves a woman.

How is Izuku supposed to interpret being called a stalker by Katsuki? How is he supposed to interpret when people call him creepy for his muttering and analyzation? How is he supposed to interpret being called a crybaby by his idol, Katsuki, and everyone else when he cannot control that?

How can he handle feelings that are out of his control, and still believe that they’re okay?

And at the very least, even if homophobia doesn’t exist in mha, heteronormativity does. Especially shown through Ashido, a straight girl.

None of that is necessarily Allmight, Katsuki, or even Ochako’s fault, because of course they’re just teasing him—but it doesn’t change the fact that it affects how he perceives himself.

So when I say that Izuku has problems with internalized homophobia, I mean that he is afraid of how the people around him will perceive him, than a constant feeling of self hatred due to not liking women.

And when I say that his internalized homophobia is an extension of his masculinity, I mean that because he has no confidence in himself and his more vulnerable emotions, he is unable to accept what or who he is. This ofc affects the people around him, like saying that Ochako CANT be weird because she’s just “so amazingly normal” without realizing that he’s just downplaying who she is and what she thinks, or dehumanizing the most openly queer character in the series because it benefits the perception he has of himself, or even silently rejecting Katsuki’s feelings simply out of a need to “control his heart and control his quirk”.

In Izuku’s mind, the only way to keep Katsuki is to not be the weird kid he was in his childhood. In a way, Izuku is still performing for Katsuki.

#so. hello.#ME ACTUALLY POSTING AN NOT REBLOGGING ADVENTURE TIME??? not as rare as you think..#I really should’ve wrote this more focused on allmight #bc that’s where a majority of the MASCULINITY ISSUES come from #but I’ve missed talking about them a lot okay y’all #bkdk #togachako #midoriya izuku #mha deku #bkdk brainrot #bakudeku #bakugou katsuki #bnha deku #mha analysis #deku midoriya

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vampmorgue · 11 months

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐚𝐧

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤!𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 & 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

📖 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.

⚠️ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒: 18+, she/her pronouns, pogue! reader, routeledge! reader, jj is readers ex boyfriend, some backstory, some fluff but lots of angst, dark themes, toxic relationship, trauma bond, love bombing, language, dark!rafe and him being toxic, mentions of drug use, addiction, abusive behavior, choking, smoking, weapon: gun use, violence, blood, fighting, and jj being protective of reader.

📑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 5.1k

🦇 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: if you or someone you know are in a similar situation, please don’t hesitate and ask for help. my dm’s are open if anyone needs to talk. ♡︎

©𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃: 𝐃𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞, 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐩/𝐰𝐞𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞.

You definitely had a type. JJ was your ex-boyfriend, and he was impulsive and would get into trouble but stayed caring, protective, and loving at the end of the day. He made you the happiest when he could. You two dated for a year after knowing each other for years growing up but broke it off due to the right person, wrong timing type of thing. You wanted JJ to focus on himself as he was losing himself for a while, and you were growing distant from each other but remained friends.

As your older brother, John B. got more involved with Sarah Cameron and brought her into the group, you soon heard about her older brother, Rafe, and the stories about him, and trouble always seemed to attract you.

From the day you saw Rafe Cameron, you were intrigued by his presence, but not as much as he was with yours.

You were a Pogue, something Rafe hated, but whenever Sarah brought you over, he didn't mind it as much, almost like it never mattered in the first place. You would notice the way Rafe would be eyeing you up and down, but not notice that he would be finding excuses to talk to Sarah just to see you in the same room, and then later at night, his mind would be going crazy over you.

When you first revealed your interest in Rafe to Kie, she scolded you like you had done something bad and told Sarah; Sarah didn’t mind it but did warn you that her older brother was not the best guy to be going after. When JJ found out about it, he was shocked and unhappy that you found interest in a Kook and was more unhappy you chose Rafe Cameron out of all people. JJ made it clear to you that he moved on from the break up to not come across as jealous or anything else and said you could do better than Rafe Cameron, along with everyone else agreeing.

"Look, I just think you should keep your options open, that's all." JJ comments, hoping your brother could at least convince you as well.

With your dad being gone, John B had stepped in to protect you as your older brother, and he hated the idea of you liking Rafe.

“Don’t you dare go to that Kook party where he is!” John B chases you out the front porch as you giggle, “Sarah! Back me up on this!”

“I’ve tried, John B!” Sarah scared to intervene, "The least we could do is watch over her at the party plus, we can have a little fun?"

"Fine," John B sighs at the idea, running his hands across his face.

You weren’t someone who liked listening to others about what they had to say, especially in your life. So as a result of that, during the party at Tannyhill, after a couple of shots, you went after Rafe, which caught him by surprise, but he liked it anyway.

“Y'know, I had my eye on you for a while,” Rafe smirks, drinking from his solo cup.

John B. saw the whole thing, which angered him, but at that point gave up. “I feel like I’m raising a rebellious teenager,"

“I think you’d be considered one as well, from the things you get involved in.” Sarah jokes.

From that day forward, Rafe had you wrapped around his finger. The more you started getting involved with him, the more your friends weren't liking it and made it known.

“Oh, god, you want to be like your brother and date a Kook now?” Pope asks, with JJ and Kie waiting for your response. "I mean, seriously, what is it with you Routledges' and Kooks these days.”

“You guys like Sarah now,” you mention, “so maybe you’ll like Rafe too.”

“Ha!” JJ scoffs, shaking his head.

“I doubt that Y/N but you do you.” Kie shrugs.

“Yeah, I will,

And you kept your word, but little did they know, Rafe had also persuaded you so you could be together.

"Listen, you and I were meant to cross paths," Rafe tells you in an optimistic tone, "so let them talk,"

Three months into your relationship with Rafe, he was the sweetest boyfriend, at first. From the dates to spoiling you, him making you feel like his whole world, and making it clear to everyone that you were his. The Pogues accepted your happiness but didn’t accept Rafe; they couldn't do it when they saw how he would treat other people. He was the complete opposite of his sister, Sarah.

Now six months into the relationship, you were aware of his addiction and had mentioned your concern about it to him before, but you didn’t want to be that kind of controlling girlfriend or anything. You also didn’t want to let your friends and brother know about it because you knew they would try to get you out of the relationship with him but you didn’t want that because you cared about Rafe. You let Rafe live his life and for a while, he got better after realizing how much he was scaring you, and the sight of coke making you uncomfortable. He would smoke weed instead, which you were completely fine with since you did the same.

But then Rafe would relapse as coke was more of his thing.

Your boyfriend soon revealed another side of himself on nights when you were with him, a darkening aura surrounding him as his eyes grew more hostile. You knew he was high by the size of his pupils, and how he was getting stressed out about the things going on in his life, especially with the pressure his father was putting on him. There would be times when he took out his anger on you by shouting at you or just snapping out of nowhere by throwing things around or punching walls. Every second of those bad nights was like torture so being with him started to drain you physically and mentally as time went on, you were now in his control of what you could wear, say, or do in front of him. Every morning, you’d wake up to an anxious feeling in your stomach because of Rafe, which could’ve been your sign to leave him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. It was moments like this, that made you rethink your life decisions if you had never broken up with JJ, would you be in this position? Were you longing for JJ or the right treatment that you weren't getting from Rafe? Unfortunately, you grew too attached to Rafe just like he was to you. You felt dependent on him, and you grew a fear of not being able to do anything without him or his approval but maybe one day the bond would break, right?

Every time you and Rafe argued, no one was around because Rafe wanted your relationship to look perfect to others, though it was the complete opposite, he always told you to put on a happy face.

You barely saw your friends anymore because of him not trusting them but Rafe barely trusted anyone, especially Pogues.

The Pogues were missing your company, so whenever your brother mentioned them coming over, you’d ask him if he could drive you over to Rafe’s or you would text Rafe to come get you because that’s how much afraid you were of your boyfriend; you were scared of him finding out somehow that you were in the presence of your ex JJ, though you weren’t doing anything wrong or planned on it. Whenever they’d ask about you, John B’s answer was always "Rafe", so they stopped asking but JJ thought that it was weird how the only time you were home was when everyone, except your brother, was gone, and if they slept over then you’d spend the night with Rafe— which he never said no to.

Even though your friends didn’t know the full story yet, they knew something was wrong when you were Rafe’s date to midsummers— you were the youngest in the group, so they all felt protective towards you, especially JJ. Though you looked beautiful, you didn’t look happy to be there, especially next to Rafe. They had tried to talk to you, but Rafe had his arm wrapped around your waist the whole night basically and kept giving death glares to your Pogue friends. When you made eye contact with JJ, he could tell in your eyes you had this sense of hope; he didn't know what it was but he tried to approach you because he knew in his gut something wasn’t right and said if Rafe started something then he'd finish it, but Kie convinced him to not cause a scene, and JJ was mad at John B for not looking out enough for you, his little sister.

“JJ! I’m not gonna go to fucking jail if something happened because if I did, then who's going to be looking after her, huh?!” John B argues.

“I would!” JJ responds.

“Man, why’d you guys even break up in the first place?!” your brother emphasizes, “I preferred her with you! Shit, I wouldn’t even have to be in this position!”

JJ stayed silent wondering the same thing as he hated remembering the fact that he lost you. As much as JJ didn't want to admit to himself, he still had feelings for you, and seeing you with Rafe was only making it worse.

John B just didn’t want trouble, especially at a Kooks' party knowing their power but he also didn't want you to be mad at him or give the silent treatment if a fight broke out; he also didn't want to risk losing you completely away from home more than you already were. Sarah tried to see if something was up, and you were always reassuring her that everything was fine, but it was all a lie, “See, Sarah, she’s fine.” Rafe would go on to say but that was before he took you into a room just to yell at you for causing attention like it was your fault, though it wasn't.

The day after midsummers, John B had finally confronted you about being so distant ever since you got with Rafe.

"You just don't hang out with us anymore or never make the time for it!" your brother emphasizes.

"I'm sorry! I just..." you hesitate, "really love him and love being around him. He makes me happy...ever since Dad's been gone-"

"Don't you dare bring Dad into this!" John B. hollers.

"Well, who else is going to love me now?!" you cry out, storming out of the house to see Rafe.

John B's eyes filled with loss as he was watching you slowly lose yourself.

Now tonight, Rafe had called you sounding like he wasn't in a good mood, he wanted to take you out after yelling at you the day before, so you accepted it, hoping he was changing for the better. He told you he needed to make a quick stop on the way, and that stop was to meet with Barry. You were annoyed with him and felt betrayed in a way when he fully knew you never wanted to be around his drug deals let alone being around Barry since he made you uncomfortable. Rafe didn’t listen and expected you to brush it off, but you didn’t.

“Rafe, you know I’m not comfortable with you being fucking coked out around me, or you buying from Barry in front of me," you tell him.

“Can you stop fucking nagging for once?” Rafe sighs, driving away from Barry’s.

“You know what? Just me drop off here,” you point to the side of the road, “I’m growing so tired of you.”

“Oh, you’re growing tired of me?” he scoffs, slamming hard on the breaks, “How do you think I feel with you haunting my every move?!”

“Me? You’re fucking unbelievable! You’re the one who controls every fucking thing I do! I barely see my friends because of you!” you snap, getting out of the car but Rafe quickly comes out to your side and forcefully puts his hand around your throat.

“That’s the last time you’ll ever raise your voice at me again.” he sternly states, “Now get in the fucking car.”

Rafe lets go as you gasp for air and start coughing. You get in the car knowing you couldn’t be walking alone in the dark not even knowing your way around, especially around Barry’s area. You were frozen and silent almost the entire car ride, trying to process what happened. You thought maybe if you jumped out of the car, you could run away and scream, you needed to get away, so you took your chances.

“No!” Rafe grabs your wrist while nearly swerving into an oncoming car, “Are you fucking insane?!”

He puts on the child lock before driving back to Tannyhill as if nothing happened. You felt helpless as you slowly walked behind him with his tall figure that now seemed like a monster in front of you as he led the way to his room.

“Y/N…you know that I love you, right?" Rafe asks calmly, closing the door but you stay silent.

“Come on, baby,” he says, pulling you into a hug, “I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Protect me? … Protect me from what?!” you spat, pushing him off of you, “You’re not doing that, all you’re doing is hurting me!”

“After everything I’ve done and given you so you wouldn’t live that Pogue lifestyle anymore, you dare to act like this? Tsk, tsk.” he shakes his head as it gets silent again.

“You really wanna know why I don’t let you see your Pogue friends?” Rafe chuckles in an unsettling tone, breaking the silence, “Because I know you used to date that blond Pogue…so how can I trust you around him, hm?”

You don’t say anything, instead, you stare down at the floor not wanting to look him in the eyes.

“That’s what I thought,” he nods seeming proud.

“It’s not something new,” you look up at him, “You fully knew that before you and I even got together, and you’re acting like I’m not a Pogue myself…but if you ever lay on hand on me again–”

Rafe gets in your face, “Or what?”

You push him out of your way to the bathroom. You’re on the verge of tears when you look in the mirror and see the bruises on your neck, he caused from choking you. You didn’t know what to do, whether to scream your lungs out due to your frustration or see if Sarah was home but you didn’t want to cause a scene; fear is what you felt.

Now you were at your breaking point and needed to leave, needed to leave him. You saw Rafe doing lines and he looks up at you, “If you don’t wanna see this then go hang out with Sarah or something, I don’t fucking know.”

“You’re right, I don’t wanna see this or you, I’m done.” you reply, leaving his room, “I’m done with you.”

“The fuck is what supposed to mean?” Rafe follows you downstairs.

“It means this fucking relationship is over, we’re over!” you shout in frustration.

As you made it outside, you heard Rafe scream and break something that he threw. At this point, you didn’t care you were walking outside alone, you knew your way around from Rafe’s home, and you just needed to get home away from him, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

You were glad to make it home and see the sight of your brother and Sarah asleep in the living room with a movie playing on the TV. You made your way to your room and cried yourself to sleep.

It was like a parallel between you and Sarah. You were a Pogue dating a Kook and Sarah was a Kook dating a Pogue, except now she was a Pogue. One relationship was toxic and the other healthy. Sarah is happier with John B than she was with Topper just like you were happier with JJ than you were with Rafe.

How could Rafe do that to you? Especially to someone he said he always loved but that wasn’t love. You knew that you had no love for him left in you, instead, it was hate.

꥟

The next day, you woke up to your neck feeling sore and you remembered why as you felt sick to your stomach.

Now how were you going to hide the bruises? Makeup could help but not in the hot weather. You decided to take a shower and think in there.

A hoodie. Yes, it was hot out, but you weren’t about to throw on a turtleneck so you thought pairing the hoodie with some shorts would make it look less odd, and it would be cooler by the time the sun sets. You had to tighten the strings of the hood so it would cover your neck better, and that was the best you could do.

“What time did you get home?” John B asks, making you jump, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

You shrug, “Not too late, you were asleep when I came back.”

“I see…” he replies, “Listen, I’m sorry about last night–”

you interrupt him, “No, I’m sorry, I should’ve never stormed off like that or brought up Dad that way.”

“No, it’s okay,” he shakes his head, “I know you miss him too but we’ll be okay just like we always have.”

Some time passed, the sun was setting, and you saw Sarah out on the front porch.

“Hey, are you okay? I heard you and Rafe broke up,” Sarah asks with concern in her voice.

“Oh, you did?” John B joins in, “Finally!”

Sarah glares at him, telepathically telling him to shut up.

“Yeah, we did…” you confirm, “How’d you find that out that?”

“Well, I came home last night and saw a shattered flower vase on the floor and a hole in the wall, so I was like, what made Rafe mad this time?” she slightly chuckles.

“I guess he didn’t take it well, huh?” you assume with a small laugh.

“As far as I could tell," Sarah sighs, "I wouldn’t recommend going anywhere he might be.”

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss. I’m too good for you Pogues.” Pope appears.

“You know that’s not true, Pope.” you chuckle.

“I know, I’m just teasing,” he replies.

“Y/N!" Kie comes running to you, “Where have you been, you bitch!”

“Well, damn, it’s nice to see you too.” you joke as she squeezes you in her arms.

“I’m never letting you date another Kook again.” she declares and you agree to it.

You feel overwhelmed with emotions with all that’s going on, but it feels good to see everyone and then remember one was missing.

“Hey, where’s JJ?” you ask everyone.

John B points over to the water where you see JJ sitting by smoking a joint, so you decide to go talk to him.

“Hey, Jay,”

“Oh, hey,” he looks up at you and smiles, “you want a hit of this?

“Sure,” you reply, taking the joint.

“So,” JJ begins, “How come you were barely around?”

“If I’m being honest…” you hesitate, “Rafe is a…control freak in the worst way possible.”

JJ chuckles, “He looks like it,”

“I know, I should’ve noticed earlier.” you mention, "I'm sorry though, I never meant to hurt you and everyone else."

“No, you’re all good, you made it out though.” he gives you a comforting smile.

“Yeah, I’m glad that nightmare is over.” you sigh in relief.

“Why are you wearing a hoodie?” he asks out of curiosity, “I’m only asking because that’s rare for you on a day like this.”

“Why are you?” you ask back, pointing out the one he’s wearing.

He laughs, “Alright, you got me there.”

“It’s a nice hoodie though.” you compliment him, hoping he'd let you borrow it one day and he would.

“Thanks, you should wear it sometime.” he teases, “Too soon?

“You’re funny, JJ...but I wouldn't be opposed to it." you turn the other way, hiding the redness on your face.

"I'll keep that in mind then," JJ smirks, taking another hit of his joint.

You and JJ just always had that spark that would always come back, and you both loved that.

JJ knits his eyebrows, “What’s that on your neck?”

Your heart drops to your stomach when you remember. He saw the bruises since you turned your head, and you didn’t want to lie and say it was hickeys but you also knew you couldn’t use the good old burned yourself with a curling iron excuse.

“Oh,” you nervously laugh, “that’s from wrestling with my brother the other day.”

“Really?” he doesn’t buy it, “John B barely even hugs you.”

He must’ve paid good attention or had a good memory of your life because he was right.

“Damn, you didn’t have to call me out like that,” you respond, joking since it’s a way of coping.

“Well, I’m just saying and I don’t think he would hurt you like that.” he adds, “C’mon you can tell me.”

“Rafe…”

“What do you mean?”

“…we were arguing, and he didn’t like that I raised my voice at him but I was only defending myself until I couldn’t,” you answer.

JJ felt his blood pressure rise so high, but he stayed calm to comfort you as he pulled you into his arms and tossed the joint away. You remembered the times he held you in his arms when you were sad about something so that’s exactly what he was doing.

"Does John B know?' he asks.

"No,"

“Listen, it’s not your fault, none of it is.” he reassures, “Rafe has his issues to work with but that doesn’t mean he had the right to treat you like that. You don’t deserve that; you deserve way better than that and more.”

“Thank you, JJ,” you say, still in his arms. “I appreciate that, I needed it.”

“Of course,” he affirms, “I’m also sorry. I wish I tried harder to get you out of that, I knew something was up— we all did but everyone was just stuck on what to do without any proof, you know?”

“No, I don’t want you or anyone else blaming yourself.” you reassure, “I still have you all at the end of the day, and that’s the most important to me.”

“Yeah, me too.” he mentions, "We're going to have to tell your brother as well."

"Hm, I don't like the sound of that." you say, "But I know I have to."

"I know," JJ adds, "but I'll be by your side if that makes you more comfortable?"

"I'd like that!" you exclaim, and he smiles.

You two hear the sounds of a dirt bike.

“Did one of them take your bike out for a joyride or something?” you joke.

“I didn’t bring it today…Kie drove Pope and I out here.” JJ says with a confused expression.

Your heart drops once again, remembering who else you knew who owned a dirt bike.

“Fuck, this cannot be happening,” you mutter to yourself as you both got up.

“It’s okay, just stay behind me,” JJ tells you.

You both watch Rafe make his way to your brother and the others.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sarah calls out to him.

“Taking back what’s mine,” Rafe responds before looking around, “tell me where she is, and nothing happens.”

“Dude, get the fuck out of here.” John B warns him as he gets closer, “I don’t need any more of your bullshit right now.”

“Seriously, you’re crazy,” Sarah tells Rafe, “Just go back home.”

“Or what?” Rafe lets out a small laugh.

You were holding onto JJ’s arm, and you could tell JJ was getting angry just by Rafe's presence but unluckily, Rafe spotted you and JJ.

“Well, would you look at that!” Rafe calls out, “You see, Y/N? I knew you’d go back to that Pogue! You’re just a fucking slut!”

“Alright, fuck it,” JJ pulls out his gun from the pocket of his hoodie and points it at Rafe.

“JJ!” everyone but Rafe shouts.

Rafe had pulled his gun out as well and John B yelled at you to get down, so you did.

“You really wanna do this, man?” Rafe questions JJ.

JJ shrugs, “If it keeps you dead then yeah.”

“Not unless you’re the dead one first,” Rafe states, slowly moving his finger to the trigger.

You began shaking while John B motioned for you and JJ to stay quiet as he slowly made his way to Rafe and pushed him down to the ground. Shots were fired at the sky before Sarah grabbed Rafe’s gun and threw it into the water.

JJ made sure you weren’t shot or anything before he went to help your brother as Rafe was strangling him, and JJ pulled Rafe off of John B and took matters into his own hands. JJ threw punches at Rafe, but he fought back then JJ pressed his fingers into Rafe's eyes before he started to punch him again to the point of blood running down Rafe's face then JJ began strangling him back to feel what you felt the night he choked you.

John B and Pope pulled JJ off of Rafe this time while Sarah and Kie told you to go hide inside the house.

Your brother told JJ to take you somewhere far from there while they would handle Rafe, and JJ didn't hesitate and kicked Rafe in the stomach before doing so. Kie would’ve let him take the car, but it was her dad’s truck, and she wasn’t going to risk getting in trouble so he thought of taking Rafe’s bike as it added a little more taste of revenge.

After a couple of minutes, the commotion started calming down. You hated every second of it, you hated people yelling at each other, and you hated any type of fighting. You were feeling numb, all of it was happening too fast.

JJ came in, "We gotta go right now."

“Run!" you heard Kie shout as you both saw Rafe making his way towards you and JJ, who quickly grabbed your hand as you both ran towards the dirt bike.

You don't remember the last time you rode with JJ but this time, the wind hitting your face felt so freeing. An aura of colors felt like they were going inside your body as JJ sped up to where he was taking you. You took notice of the state his knuckles were in, all bloody.

Within fifteen minutes, you both arrived near a small hidden shed near the woods. It intimated you to go in the woods with how dark it was, but JJ reassured you it was fine.

“How’d you find this place?” you ask him.

“Well,” he begins, “when I wanted to get away from my dad, I would hide here if I had nowhere else to go."

You nodded at his response, not knowing what to say as if you two didn’t go through chaos moments ago.

“This is also where John B and I first smoked weed together.” JJ laughs at the memory.

"I'm assuming this is where he would sneak off to then," you mention.

"For sure," JJ replies.

"I'm honestly worried right now for my brother and the others," you admit, "anything could have happened over there."

"The worst that could've happened is someone getting shot, but they got rid of it."

"That someone could've been you!" you cry out, "Rafe was pointing it at you."

JJ looks away for a second, rethinking the whole occurrence.

"I was just trying to protect you..." he responds, "I couldn't risk losing you again if he had taken you or not,"

From that moment, you realized that the right one was always JJ. You both just needed the time to figure out the things in yourselves and what your heart truly desired and JJ had already done that; his heart desired you.

"And you did it, Jay," you reassure, feeling like your heart was screaming at you to spill out your true feelings, "just like you always have, it's you who I can always count on, and you've proven that."

JJ stares into your eyes, "What are you trying to say?"

"It's you who makes me feel safe and cared about, no matter what situation we're both in, you don't give up, and you're always there...it's you who I want."

JJ grabs your face, kissing you like he had been waiting to do that. You both missed this. His affection towards you always made you feel special, and you're the only person he's still ever wanted.

He pulls away, "You didn't have to tell me twice...I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," you smile, holding his hands that were still grabbing your face.

"So!" John B calls out with Sarah next to him who gives you a teasing smile, startling you, "It's a good thing I checked here first and yes, everything's taken care of."

"That's great man," JJ comments, acting like John B didn't catch you two in the middle of something.

John B pulls you into a hug when he sees your bruises and apologizes for what you went through. "From now on, promise me I'll be one of your first options to come if there's trouble."

"I promise,"

"I also just wanted to let you know, don't worry about him," Sarah refers to Rafe, "I got it taken care of and he's got other things to worry about so you're going to be okay."

Sarah had taken advantage of being her father's favorite so she just called him and took her side when she told him about Rafe's actions.

"Thank you, Sarah." you smile.

"So, you guys want to get out of here and do some illegal shit or?" John B asks, lightening the mood, "Pope and Kie are waiting in the Twinkie."

"Let's go!" JJ exclaims, "Lead the way, John B."

While everyone else gets in the Twinkie, you and JJ still go on the dirt bike with him now being the proud owner of two dirt bikes.

"Hey, listen," JJ looks back at you, "I know you just went through a lot, so I just wanted to let you know that there's no rush in anything between us, I'll always be by your side every step of the way and I'll be here when you're ready."

You smile and kiss him on the cheek, "Thank you, JJ, I'm glad to have you in my life."

JJ smiles and speeds off as you're hugging his waist, holding on tight but JJ was loving every second of it, happy to have you back in his life as well.

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salty-croissants · 6 months

Note

Could you write headcanons fluffy/romantic of rayman or Ramon please and thank you

Thank you so much for the request , it’s actually my first one :D

Hope this turned out well !

I ended up splitting up the headcanons given how different both personalities are , hope that’s okay !

Details : use of gender neutral reader ;

established relationships ;

some swear words are present in Ramon’s part , but other than that no warnings are needed

Rayman 🧡

Given the fact that Rayman has felt incredibly lonely pretty much his whole life , as soon as you showed him genuine kindness and interest in him without focusing on his fame he immediately took a liking to you :

despite his seemingly very smooth demeanor , he was actually very nervous about confessing his eventual feelings for you , terrified of being rejected yet again …

But that wasn’t the case , and let me tell you , Rayman will forever treasure the moment you told him those 4 words he was so afraid of never hearing from anyone in his life .

He wants to know everything you like , and by everything I mean absolutely everything :

Rayman loves to listen to you gushing about your passions and hobbies , and if you ever need something specific you will find it on your desk with an almost unnatural quickness …

< Wh - are those the acrylics I mentioned just a few minutes ago ? >

< They sure are ! I also made sure to get you all the colors I could get my hands on , now you’ll have no trouble finishing your piece . >

< Ray , thank you so much ! You shouldn’t have … >

< Anything for you , honey ~ >

Whenever the two of you go out on a date , Rayman definitely doesn’t waste the opportunity to bring you to the most amazing ( and low key expensive ) places in the city , and this especially happened during your first dates : he really , really wanted to leave a good impression on you , though if you tell him that you’d rather spend time with him in a more quiet place he definitely won’t be unhappy to hang out either at his lounge or at your place …

He wants you to be comfortable with him at all times .

I like to think that Rayman loves to receive kisses on his nose : whenever you walk by him and surprise him with one , this man will positively melt …

You will definitely earn a cuddling session for when he’s done with his shows .

He loves to hold your hand whenever you go outside , also as a way to show everyone around that this lovely person is with him , JUST him .

Some might see this as a bit excessive , but regardless of how long you two have been together Rayman is deep down still worried that he might not be good enough and that you might leave him someday , so if you reassure him on this you will definitely make him happy …

< You know I won’t ever leave you , right Ray ? You’re the only one for me , this won’t ever change . >

< Heh … I know y/n … thank you . >

Ramon 🖤

Now that he knows that he’s been used by Eden all these years , Ramon’s once cheerful demeanor has definitely changed a lot … but his love for you didn’t :

the fact that you’re choosing to stay by his side despite the dangers that you two might have to face just makes his adoration for you grow even more , and he wants to make sure that no one will dare to hurt his sweetheart .

He might need to be comforted more often …

Ramon feels horrible about letting all those terrible things Eden did just slip by him , so when the guilt becomes too much he just walks over to you and buries his face in your chest , your genuinely loving words and the sound of your heartbeat giving him a peace that nothing else is able to make him feel .

< You couldn’t have known , love … if Eden tricked you , it’s not something you can blame yourself for . We’ll figure this out , I promise . >

< … thank you y/n … I … really needed this . >

< Don’t mention it , Ram . >

If you’re feeling cold , no matter how many degrees it is outside and how much you protest , Ramon will cover you up with his coat .

< Stop it ! It’s freezing out here , you can’t just - >

< I can … and I will . >

< Uh , I don’t think so !

Here , give me a second …

There , we can just share it , no reason for you to be cold . >

< I …

Pfft … I love you so much y/n . >

< I love you too , Ram ~ >

If you ever do get actually hurt by someone ?

Ohh boy , whoever did it is in trouble …

Ramon is going to track them down no matter how long it takes , and you better believe he’ll blow so many holes in them that not even their corpse will be remotely recognizable .

< N-no ! PLEASE HAVE MERCY !!! >

< Heh … should’ve thought about that before putting your hands on y/n , you FUCKING BASTARD ! >

After he’s done with making the person resign from life , Ramon is going to immediately come back to you to stay by your side if you’ve been badly wounded , constantly apologizing for not being able to keep you safe and also telling you to never ever do something that dangerous again .

Ramon loves you so much , he just doesn’t know what he’d do with himself if you were gone …

Ramon has grown to become even more physically affectionate than before , and whenever the two of you have are alone for a moment he will just hold you in his arms , giving you loving kisses while whispering sweet nothings in your ear , his deep voice rarely failing to make you blush …

< y/n , you’re so beautiful … I never want to lose you , you’re the one thing keeping me sane in this goddamn hellhole … you’re my everything … >

He keeps this to himself , but the reason Ramon does this is also because he isn’t even sure if the two of you are going to survive your mission of getting rid of all the oppressors of hybrids in the city .

He wants his moments with you to be engraved in his memory , because if everything were to fall apart the next day he would at least remember his beloved before the end …

You’re his very own ray of hope , after all .

#x reader #captain lazerhawk rayman #captain laserhawk #rayman #rayman x reader #gender neutral reader

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stomach-bugg09 · 1 year

Note

ahh my first request. what about one where reader is an established warrior and neteyam feels intimidated by how skilled she is but also smitten by her !! everyone probably knows he likes her and she just teases him about everything:)

summary: neteyam is introduced into a shocking world outside of his isolated childhood as the future olo’eyktan. not only does he discover the ways of his peers’ and their society, but he also discovers that he is a sucker for kind and strong.

pairing: neteyam x crush!reader

a/n: this is kind of bad, whoops, but i was kind of lacking a bit of inspo for this just because i’ve been on a [y/n] sully rampage !! it was still so fun to write regardless. hope you all enjoy !! thank you so so much for the request. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated !!

tags: @pinkhotdogsfr @wxnderingthoughts @liyahsocorro @bonnibuckets @hjkshshjkhklhkl

warnings: just some fluff, maybe language, neteyam crushing on a girl older than him, unreciprocated feelings, cuteness, so soft, neteyam being the cutest lil baby ( i’m think this is like 13 or 14 y/o neteyam bc he is the cutest softest lil baby in this ), neteyam being the baby of the group / older friends bc that’s the kind of fluff that keeps me thriving

harmless crush

neteyam always knew he grew up a little bit different than the rest of the children his age, but never did he expect it to be that different.

after the last test in which he graduated from a boy to a man, a boy to a warrior, neteyam began a new chapter. and, after the amount of vigorous training and work he’d been through to reach that new point, he was not at all ready for the social shock that he went through.

what they don’t tell you when you’re raised in isolation as the future olo’eyktan with your own personal training sessions, time spent at war meetings with your father, time spent meeting thousands of different na’vi from clans around pandora, is that when you get to finally start living your own adult life everybody else knows each other already.

not only do they just know each other—oh, no. they grew up together. they have been acquainted, if not friends, since the moment they were put into daycare as children.

neteyam had no history of that. with anyone. except maybe his siblings, but it wasn’t the same. plus, they were far too annoying to make them his only friends.

it wasn’t like neteyam didn’t know anybody. he knew everybody’s name, a detail that’d been drilled into his head by neytiri when he was young, and they most definitely knew of him. he was pleasant enough to greet everybody as he wandered through high camp with his family, and they would always smile broadly when they waved back. but, he never had any connection with anyone past acquainted.

for a while, he was okay with that. it was just how his life happened to be, there was not much to it other than that. but, after he gained an ikran and the title as an official omaticayan warrior, suddenly his loneliness was his biggest insecurity.

as a result, he made it his goal to make friends. soon enough, he was quite familiar with all of the warriors his age, but there were only a few of them.

what truly introduced him to the social world of the omaticaya was a, well… a girl. and her name was [y/n].

[y/n] was arguably neteyam’s favorite of the warriors he’d met. not only was she kind, but she was strong. intimidatingly so! everything she did impressed him, and he wasn’t the only one. oh my… plenty of males had their eyes on [y/n], but they were far too scared of rejection, especially rejection from a girl like her, to even attempt.

and, unfortunately for neteyam, she was three years older than him.

it had just been a random day where neteyam was stuck on another round of patrol with the most annoying males on the entire planet of pandora. and he was more than justified in making that claim! trust me when i say everybody hated these boys.

at the sight of neteyam’s extremely unhappy and annoyed face while he was waiting for the three na’vi to board their ikrans, [y/n] couldn’t help but laugh from a distance. she was busy sitting with her friends—she had to appreciate her day off, after all! they only came so often.

and yet, despite how rare a day off was, [y/n] couldn’t help but feel sympathetic as the younger boy yelled at the three na’vi for the fiftieth time.

“what are you doing?” her friend questioned, eyes skeptical.

[y/n] scratched the back of her neck. “saving mini-toruk makto’s life. and hopefully making a friend.”

neteyam was far too preoccupied with the chaos of the three na’vi to even notice as [y/n], the girl he’d been crushing on for months even before becoming a warrior, was walking over.

“boys.” her voice was sharp and strong, gaining the attention of all four boys. she widened her eyes at the trio of culprits, her nimble fingers pointing at them. “you guys go do something actually helpful for once. i am going to help neteyam.”

thanks to the fear that the younger warriors held towards [y/n] and her impressive abilities, all three boys didn’t even question it. they knew better. neteyam watched in disbelief as they walked away, whispering to each other and looking back on occasion.

“thanks for that,” he chuckled, resting his hand on the back of his neck. he cursed himself silently as soon as his face grew hot when she locked eyes with him.

she smiled. “hey, no worries. they’re pains in the ass.”

“you can say that again.” neteyam ran his fangs over his bottom lip.

and just like that, neteyam was not only introduced into a world beyond his knowledge, but he was introduced to a world in which he got to hang around the older na’vi. they were, like… actually treated like adults, too! how wild was that?

the next few months neteyam spent learning from [y/n] and her friends, a group of about six or seven. they were quick to adopt him, as if the he were baby of the group, a role that neteyam had never experienced before due to his natural position as the oldest sibling. all day he would act as the youngest of his peers, babied by all the girls and teased by all the guys, and when he returned home at the end of it all, he would return to the normalcy of being the big brother to all of his siblings.

every single one of [y/n]’s friends quickly became his friends. they loved him for the little responsible golden child that he was, and as soon as [y/n] introduced him to them all, they recognized the major oldest child trauma he held. so, they did what they could to just let him relax, be whoever he wanted to be when he was away from home.

at first, neytiri and jake were more than skeptical, but upon discovering that [y/n], one of the strongest young warriors of the clan, their worry dissipated. it completely faded away one day after they witnessed the care and love that the group held for their oldest baby.

after a few weeks of knowing neteyam, every single one of them had noticed his infatuation with [y/n]. they all understood—every male na’vi of their age group had a crush on her at one point. it was hard not to, considering the fact that, not only was she skilled in the ways of battle, but she was kind. and caring. and all of those attributes were what brought neteyam into his position in the first place.

it often made the older kids laugh ( although never in a condescending way ) the way that he followed her around. he was completely and utterly smitten with her. and it was adorable. a fourteen year old kid completely in love with a seventeen year old? it was hard not to think of it as such.

[y/n] was well aware of his crush, and honestly… she was honored. the toruk makto’s child, and she was his first real crush? what’s not to love about it?

unfortunately for both parties, an inevitable day was just around the corner in which neteyam would have to acknowledge that he was whipped for the older girl, and [y/n] would have to feel so extremely guilty while she rejected him.

that day came in early spring.

early spring was commonly considered their harvest season. when it was time for harvest, it meant they were low in their number of warriors because so many people were helping gather the surplus of food. they were vulnerable.

unfortunately, the sky-people knew of their vulnerabilities and, as a good military does, exploited them. attacks were common, eventually going from a weekly to a daily. all hands were on deck.

they were preparing for another attack, and [y/n] and her friends were scattered as they each grabbed weapons, ammo, tools, and readied their ikrans for the battle. neteyam was assigned scout duty, as much as the thought saddened him. despite his improvement in the past few months, his father still did not trust him and his abilities on the battlefield.

his stomach twisted as he watched the group of older warriors launch their ikrans off of the cliff, catching air underneath their wings as they soared towards battle. [y/n] looked particularly pretty with the war makeup painted on her face, bow lifted in the air as a battle cry thrust itself from her throat.

neteyam had a bird's eye view from where he watched, his ikran flapping its wings and staying put in the sky. his father’d made it clear that neteyam would be the last to leave, and if any danger were to get anywhere near him, he would retreat. “that’s an order.”

and maybe it was the fact that he’d been listening to his father for his entire life, or maybe it was the fact that he just wanted [y/n] to be impressed with him, but as soon as those boys, those three annoying boys, taunted him by saying, “you? stuck on scout duty?” he felt a lie leave his throat.

“no.” his tone was far more confident than he actually felt. “i am just the last line of defense. i am making my way up the ranks!”

as soon as his feet found the battlefield, he immediately regret his decisions. it was a blood bath, and although he’d seen it a multitude of times from where he flew in the sky, never did he imagine it to be like that.

suddenly, neteyam could not hear. could not see. could not think. he thought he was prepared, he truly did, but he was far from it. he was still just a boy. a boy they called a “man” even though nobody treated him as such. a boy that only felt safe and confident under the wing of his older friends. a boy that could die at any second.

but she would not let him die.

neteyam’s heart shot to his throat as two ikran legs swooped from above him, the talons carefully lifting him off of the ground as bullets barely missed his body. the young warrior clutched the feet of the creature desperately, unable to make any sound of terror and wind blew directly into his face.

when his feet found solid earth again, neteyam fell to the ground, trying to catch his breath.

“what were you doing?” her voice was stern, more stern than he had ever heard her before.

neteyam sputtered for words, stopping when [y/n] held a hand up. anger was evident in every feature.

“i do not want to know.” she let out a breath, turning around to watch the battlegrounds. just as she was about to lift off, join the fight again, the horn blew. the battle was over. she cursed quietly before turning back to the boy. “what was going through your head, boy?”

neteyam swallowed, still sitting on the dirty ground, his weight leaned back against his arms. “i…” he cleared his throat. “i don’t know!” tears pricked the boy’s eyes. “it’s just that… you are all so mature and so old and people actually take you seriously! i just thought, maybe if i were to fight, that maybe people would actually treat me like a man.”

“oh, neteyam.” she shook her head. “your time will come—”

“that is not all, [y/n].” she furrowed her eyebrow muscles in confusion. “i also thought, well.. i don’t know. maybe you would take me more seriously. maybe you would see me as more than just a kid, maybe as…” he couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence.

her eyes grew soft. “oh, neteyam.” before he knew it, she was on the ground with him, holding his body in her arms. “your time will come, prrnen,” she whispered, using his nickname the group had given him. [y/n] sighed, letting go and turning to look directly at him. “i will make you two promises, are you listening?”

neteyam nodded, locking eyes with [y/n].

“one day you will be someone that they, not only take seriously, but respect. and with respect, will come… well, girls.” she giggled, causing neteyam to flush indigo. “and you know what? come back to me in four years time, alright? come back to me in four years, and if we can still have the same exact conversation then maybe i will consider.” she smiled, sending him a teasing wink. “but trust me when i say that you will be a valued warrior. and a valued chick magnet.”

“[y/n]!” he groaned, a smile lighting up his face.

she only laughed. “now, how about we get back to camp and keep this a secret from your father. for my sake, and especially your’s.”

“i couldn’t agree more.”

#avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #neteyam sully #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x reader #neteyam #neteyam x platonic!reader #platonic!reader #avatar x reader #avatar x platonic!reader #crush!reader

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evan4ever · 1 year

Text

Better Than Me

Warnings: Angry distressed Kai, past memories of abuse, smut/sexual indications

a/n: mostly Kai’s perspective, flashbacks, might be kinda confusing sorryyyy

—

It’s been 3 months since Kai ended things with you. It was truly a selfless act, breaking up and kicking you out for your own safety. But it’s Kai, it never comes out that way.

“You don’t belong here”

“You don’t fit”

“You’re a liability”

“You could never amount to what this group needs”

“I don’t want you anymore”

Every word hurt. Sure, you weren’t as good at killing as the rest. You had a ways to go. But you tried your best and you figured Kai would teach you like he did the rest of the members. But instead, he kicked you to the curb. Didn’t even kill you like he would anyone else. Threw you out like you were nothing.

And you spent the last few months picking up the broken pieces of yourself and putting them back together. You never went back, Kai made it clear to stay the fuck away, that he didn’t want to see your face again and if he did, it would be ugly. You knew what he was capable of, so you stayed away at his request.

Kai, on the other hand, was a fucking mess. He was angrier than ever. Scarier. The members walked on eggshells around him. They didn’t understand why he broke up with you only to become even colder than before. If you truly made him as unhappy as he said, wouldn’t that mean with you being gone, he’d be better? Nicer? No, Kai wasn’t capable of being nice, they knew that. But they definitely expected anything but this.

It was late tonight. Kai ended the meeting and everyone went their own ways leaving Kai alone in the basement. Silence filled his ears, and that made his mind race. Memories filled within him. He was at his all time low, he hated everything around him, everyone around him that wasn’t you.

He looked around the empty room, his eyes landing on his empty, unmade bed and his heart instantly aching at the sight. 3 months ago, you would be in it. Ready for him to come to you, ready to take care of him after his stressful day and after every meeting. Now empty and sad looking.

• flashback •

“You’re kidding?!” You gasped in shock while laying in bed, your arms around Kai holding him to your chest while his arms were wrapped around your body.

“Not in the slightest.” He grinned to himself proudly. He had just told you what he had found out one of the members had done.

“And then what?” You urged him to continue while one of your hands fingered through his hair gently, soothingly.

“I killed him, of course. Couldn’t have a big mouth running around the city like that.” He shrugged against your body, snuggling into you more which allowed you to wrap your free hand around him tighter. This was normal for you two, always ending your night talking about the happenings that the day held. You loved hearing him tell you all about his day, and he loved how interested you always were. It was so comfortable that it became a routine.

“Never. How’d you kill him?” You tilted your head, interested in all the details. Another thing Kai loved about you — you wanted to know everything. You wanted to know the most gruesome details and it was empowering to him. Maybe the fact that you talked him up. You always fueled his ego and he fucking loved it.

“My bare hands, baby. The worst way to go, don’t you think?” He moved his head back a bit so he could look up to you, your eyes immediately looking down to meet his.

“Oh yeah. Watching as the man before you holds any air from your lungs, feeling that fear fill your body with every attempted gasp, knowing your life is coming to an end and being dragged out for minutes? The worst.” You explained your take on suffocating, not that you’d know for sure but how you’d imagine it. “And you, watching the life slowly slip away from your victim, the one who went behind your back and threatened everything you’ve worked so hard for? There’s no other way to do it.”

Kai smiled up at you, his head tilting to the side now as he admired his beautiful freak. All he could think was how did he get so lucky? You were never scared of him, and that was a win, because he knew the others were. No, you stood proudly as his side through every kill, every fight, every torture. You were a goddamn godsend.

• end of flashback •

Kai’s jaw clenched hard as he shook the memory from his head, his hands running through his hair and down his face trying to wipe all the feelings that came rushing back. This has been happening for awhile now. He did so good in the beginning, not thinking about you or what he had with you. But as time went by, memories began flooding him and despite his hardest efforts to keep them away, he was no match, and all he could do was keep trying.

He let out a small huff before finally making his way to his desk. He needed to find some documents, that was on his agenda for the day and something that had been discussed during the meeting, so he figured that would keep him occupied considering he had no idea where the fuck he put them last. Most of the important papers and documents and files were always placed on or in his desk somewhere, so it was a start. He began flipping through all the papers that were spread across the top of the desk, picking through them as he eyed each one for the title, but found nothing. He opened drawer after drawer repeating his previous actions, picking through everything within each drawer and slamming each one shut when he still failed to find what he needed.

He opened the last drawer and immediately stood up straight from his crouching stance, swallowing hard as he stared down at what was now in front of him. Pictures. He nearly forgot how to breathe as he remembered taking them and hiding them from you so you wouldn’t take them when you packed your belongings to leave. Each one a picture of the two of you. From selfies you took of you alone, selfies you took with him, Polaroids he took of you, pictures of you two together that someone else, likely Winter, took. They filled the entire drawer alone.

He didn’t know exactly why he took them. He was supposed to let you go, but for some reason he couldn’t bare the thought of not having some kind of reminder of your relationship. He couldn’t bare the thought of you taking the pictures just to throw them away or burn them with your memory of him. So he took them and hid them from you, pretending not to know where they were when you asked before you left.

And now, as he stared down at them, he felt the rage build. He pulled one from the pile and gazed down at it as another memory filled his head. The picture was a selfie you had taken of yourself and him at the mall, your arms around him and kissing his cheek so aggressively. He chuckled at it, remembering how happy he was in that moment. You brought him to Victoria’s Secret so he could pick out a new lingerie piece for you, you wanting him to pick out his very favorite.

• flashback •

“Come onnn..” you urged, pulling him with you into the overly feminine store. Kai groaned but allowed you to pull him and guide him around. He was disgusted by the amount of estrogen the place was filled with, but was happy seeing your wide smile and hearing your occasional giggles. Not to mention, knowing he’d get to fuck you in whatever he picked out later was a bonus. “Okay! Pick anything you like. What do you want to see me in?”

Kai looked around at the multiple sets in front of him, eyeing them intensely trying to imagine you in every piece. Each one sexier than the previous and making him hard just thinking about you in them. “This one.” He grabbed the deep navy blue set, of course being the most revealing. You grinned and took it from him before taking his hand again and leading him to the dressing rooms, entering one while he stood in front of the now closed door. Kai shoved his hands in his pocket and swatted uncomfortable while he waited for you, avoiding any and all eye contact from other females in the area.

“Okay, almost done… okay! Ready?” Kai hummed a response to you, his eyes flickering to the door as you opened it so he could see you from inside. His eyes went wide when he saw you, not yet taking in the set on your body but because others might be able to see you, quickly entering the dressing room and closing the door behind him. You took a step back a bit confused, your eyebrows furrowing while you stare at him. “Wha—“

“Someone could’ve seen you.” He cut you off, almost angrily. You tilted your head a bit, but he continued. “You’re for my eyes only.” His eyes darkened then as they traveled down your almost naked body hungrily, a low groan escaping from his throat. You pressed your lips together tightly while you gazed up at him through your lashes seductively.

“Well then, what do you think? Is this the one?” You questioned, doing a quick turn around for him so he could take in every angle. He watched, his eyes never leaving your body.

“I think I need to fuck you right here, right now” he practically growled, grabbing your hips and pulling you to him only to back you up against the wall, his lips on yours roughly, wasting no time in pulling his pants and boxers down enough to release his member so he could fuck you hard against the dressing room wall, no mercy or care for the other beings that could hear.

• end flashback •

Kai remembered the way you felt, the way you tasted and the way you sounded so perfect. If there was one memory he didn’t want to lose, it was that one. The ecstatic feeling, the adrenaline, and laughing as you were kicked out. He smiled when he thought about the fact that you dressed yourself with the lingerie still on, running out as you were both screamed at. You got a free lingerie set and he got one of the best fucks of his life out of it.

He set the picture down gently on top of the desk over the other papers, sucking in a sharp breath as he rested his palms on the desk and leaned on them. His eyes closed as he once again tried ridding himself of the thought of you, but to no avail. You were stuck there like a sliver embedded in his heart. He told himself over and over that he wouldn’t miss you, but if a lie alone could kill, he’d be dead and buried 6 feet under.

The harder he tried to stop thinking about you, the more memories flooded. Your hair in his face, the way your innocence tasted, the bed he laid in at night getting colder and the constant pretending that he could ever forget you. It was like a tornado in his head at this point, the picture of you in his head finally pushing him over the edge.

The little switch in his mind flipped and Kai lost it, swiping all of the papers and items off of his desk sending them crashing to the floor before grabbing the desk and flipping it easily with a loud thud as it broke into pieces on the ground.

“Fuck!” He screamed, kicking the pieces of wood multiple times before turning and punching his wall, his fist going straight through it. He pulled it back and gazed down at it, his fist now bloodied. His jaw clenched at the painfully good feeling it gave him, immediately throwing his fist into the wall again making a new hole. Then again, and again, and again.

He pulled himself back, already out of breath but needing to break more shit. He grabbed on of the broken legs of the desk and turned around, swinging it into the TV that was placed on a TV stand and sending it flying, beginning to beat the TV stand next before kicking it as well. He grabbed his computer and flung it into the wall with another loud crash, grabbed his nightstand lamp and threw it into another wall next.

Everyone could hear from above him, but no one dared to check on him or interfere, for fear of their life. Not even when you had entered the home and made your way to the basement. Some wanted to object, tell you that you were making a mistake by going down there, that you were the last person he would want to see. But everyone stayed silent and watched you disappear behind the basement door.

You could hear the crashing and the pained screams from Kai. Your heart hurt even though you had no idea what this fit of rage was about, definitely not thinking it was about you. You had came back after all these months because you had forgotten a few of your belongings and it took all this time to get the nerve to go redeem them. You wouldn’t bother if they weren’t important, but you needed them. And walking in on a silent house full of quiet people only sharing glances at one another before your ears filled with the muffled noises from below and deciding to check on him.

You still loved him, therefore if it killed you to make sure he was alright, so be it.

But just as you turned the corner to find him, you were nearly struck with the bedside table that Kai had just throw, a gasp leaving your mouth as you ducked and nearly hit the floor to avoid being hit. You blinked a few times before bringing yourself back to your feet carefully, your eyebrows raising high as you saw the state of the room. Everything was broken. Glass was shattered. And when your eyes landed on Kai, your heart sunk. Both of his hands bloody and bruised. It took everything to finally lift your eyes to his, his already on you.

Though they weren’t angry. They didn’t hold an ounce of anger in seeing you. No, they were full of surprise and despair.

He was broken.

But why? Surely it couldn’t be over your relationship ending. He was the one who ended it, after all.

“Why are you here?” He finally spoke, clearing his throat and recomposing himself so he was standing straight, trying his best to look intimidating. But you weren’t intimidated. You were just worried.

“I forgot some things..” you began slowly, looking around the mess of a room again before clearing your throat and wrapping yourself in your own arms, “I was just going to grab them and go..” you nodded. “Are you okay?” You whispered out after a few moments of silence, Kai’s eyes quickly looking away from yours.

“Fine. Get what you need and go.” He waved you off as he turned to his bed and stood before it. You watched him carefully, deciding to slowly make your way to him when he didn’t move another muscle. He heard your shuffling of each footstep and felt your presence grow closer, and he wanted to tell you not to touch him, to fucking leave him alone, but he couldn’t get it out. He was desperate to feel you.

When he didn’t move or object your closeness, you slowly raised your hand and rested it on his shoulder. He tensed under it, but quickly relaxed and that was your sign that he was allowing you to comfort him. You rested your other hand on his other shoulder and gently rubbed down his biceps and back up. Within some minutes, he relaxed his body more into your touch, allowing himself to lean back into you. You rested your head on his back, continuing to comfort him.

It felt so good to feel him again, and him feel you. The last 3 months have been nothing but hell for you both and this was all you needed. Kai silently cursed at himself for giving in and not sticking to his word. But he needed to feel you again.

You slipped your arms underneath his and allowed yourself to hug him from behind, his head falling back slightly as he held your arms tightly to him. His eyes were fixated on the ceiling as his mind raced, knowing this was the last thing either of you should be doing.

He felt so guilty. You were so good, good to him, good for him — and he was so bad. Bad for you. He knew that, and he hated that you couldn’t see it and he couldn’t make you.

You heard him let out a big sigh but didn’t move from your position.

“You deserve much better than me.” He spoke quietly. You swallowed hard at his words, but only hugged him tighter.

Maybe so. But you didn’t care. You loved him, you needed him.

—

Tags: @evanpetersmood @witchsbitchestime @demxnicprxncess @yes-divine-ruler @shjjpm @evanpsrealwife @iruzias @jangsuzchap @quicksilversg1rl l @submissiveforahsmen @angelmenace @lovelizzie-blog1 @justa19 @daylas-life @simp4petermaximoff @totta69

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csuitebitches · 1 year

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Book Review: Book 1: Stop People Pleasing (a 9-part series by Patrick King, “Be Confident and Fearless.”)

I’m reading a 9-part series by Patrick King, “Be Confident and Fearless.” His books talk about becoming assertive, saying no, not people pleasing anymore and being confident. Generally, such books are quite generic but I found his take on the subject interesting. His techniques to handle certain situations seem to be quite doable too. His techniques have been highlighted in bold.

Book One: “Stop People Pleasing”

A people-pleaser is worried about rejection. They have a need, as we all do, to be accepted and treasured—to be loved. But in people-pleasers, this need is amplified to the extent that they will bend over backward just to not lose that love or acceptance. This is more invalidating than giving an honest opinion.

In reality, people-pleasers continued promises and inaction just tick their friends off, as it becomes apparent that they are willing to be dishonest and only say what people want to hear.

They’re not really doing what they do to improve someone else’s life—they just want to feel more positive about themselves.

Living under the limitations of our own viewpoint, we tend to think everyone in our circle is looking at and judging how we look and behave. At most, maybe a couple of people are paying attention to most of your moves, and they’re likely people you’re already close to who are supposed to know you better than anyone else.

When you’re so consumed with the perceived needs of others, you’re not paying yourself any attention. You could be overlooking or ignoring things you need to do to take care of yourself.

Avoiding confrontation for fear that it might only make things worse ironically results in the very outcomes it’s meant to deflect. The absence of confrontations doesn’t mean your relationship is all healthy, and the presence of confrontations doesn’t mean your relationship has gone to the dogs.

The BLUE model is a specific CBT strategy developed by PracticeWise to help counter negative thinking. BLUE is an acronym that stands for the kind of extremely negative thoughts you should recognize in yourself when they do pop into your head. “B” stands for blaming myself, “L” is looking for bad news, “U” means unhappy guessing, and “E” represents exaggeratedly negative thoughts.

What many people-pleasers fail to see is that sacrificing so much of themselves in pursuit of serving everyone else around them is sabotaging their very capacity to continue being there for others when it truly matters.

Rejecting an invite is not the same as rejecting your friend and that prioritizing your own peace of mind by just settling into a restful weekend is totally okay.

Ask yourself, “What are the things I do to be happy?” or “What are the core beliefs I have about my worth as a person?”

Exposure therapy is the process of deliberately placing yourself in situations that cause you fear and anxiety. You’ll need to immerse yourself in your feared situations in a gradual and progressive manner, starting from situations that cause the least anxiety and later advancing to those that cause the most intense feelings of fear.

Creating your fear hierarchy. The fear hierarchy is an ordered list of situations that elicit your fears and anxieties.

The first habit we must develop is the habit of self-awareness. We don’t understand why we people-please, and we’re not aware when we’re doing it.

This begins with questioning the motives for your actions: “Why exactly am I going out of my way for this person?” “Do I genuinely care for them, or am I just afraid of what might happen without them?” “Would I be doing this out of free will, or am I doing it for someone else?”

Take note of the moment you’re starting to feel internal resistance. When that happens, stop everything and question why you’re doing it.

The second habit to cultivate is the habit of personal autonomy. An autonomous person knows what they truly believe and why they believe it. But the differences that you’ve valued your own opinion over that of others. Or you’ve at least valued it equally and not by habit put your own opinion as inferior to that of others.

That’s why it’s important to get into the habit of expressing yourself honestly. The more you communicate where you stand, the more people will know where you’re coming from (and what your limits are). After all, people can’t read minds, and to expect others to know what you want is an impossible task.

Remain strong under pressure. When you stop people-pleasing, you will face some angry reactions. It’s not necessarily their fault because you have conditioned their expectations. But this is where you must not fold under pressure, like you previously would have. It only takes five seconds of extreme willpower, and it gets easier every time thereafter.

How to set boundaries:

1. Determine your core values

2. Change yourself and only yourself. You dont control other people

3. Set consequences of someone else breaking your boundaries. Write down the boundaries you have, the actions others might take that trespass those boundaries, and exactly what you will do when they’ve violated your boundaries.

4. Communicate your boundaries to others in very exact terms. Make sure everybody’s very, very clear on what your limits are.

If you tell yourself “I can’t,” you’re simply reminding yourself of the limitations you’ve set for yourself. You’re creating a feedback loop in your brain that tells you that you can’t do something that you would normally want to do.

When you tell yourself “I don’t,” you’re creating a feedback loop that reminds you of your power and control of the situation. You’ve given yourself a line in the sand that takes the situation out of your hands. Your choice was premade to say no and thus you can stick to it more easily.

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pagannatural · 1 month

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2.04 Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things

-“Yeah right—stuck with those people making awkward small talk until you show up? No thanks”

Clingy Dean is my favorite. He’s going through a hard time and he only wants to be around his Emotional Support Sammy

-At the hotel, Sam does that thing he does where he tells Dean he can see through him and he knows that he’s feeling some type of way about their dad’s death. This is a common romance trope. He knows Dean so so well.

-Every single episode now Sam has pushed Dean to talk to him. I wonder if he suspects that there is more to it than grief for Dean.

-It’s so interesting how their different ways of caring for each other come out—in s1 Dean was always worried about Sam because he’d just lost Jessica. He was patient with Sam and didn’t push him, but it was clear he was noting how much he ate and slept, and he did things like letting Sam sleep while he researched or offering food or letting him drive or putting on music he likes to doze to. Sam needs that respectful caregiving. Sam, however, is relentless when he sees that Dean is suffering and won’t let Dean ignore it. Dean needs that so that he can’t lie or turn away.

-Dean finally looks at Sam head-on after evading him the whole conversation, and Sam kind of draws back. Not fearfully, more like when the person you’re walking with suddenly stops so you do too.

-Sam says “you wanna take another swing? Go ahead, if it’ll make you feel better.” He sounds a little bratty, almost condescending. Like, You wanna do it again since you loved it so much? Since you felt so good after? (Dean didn’t.)

Underneath that, though…there’s softness, like Sam really would let Dean hit him again. He needs Dean to give him something. That punch in the face just didn’t last and he’s desperate.

Dean leaves and I think he’s feeling pretty exposed right now. He’s a liar and his lies don’t work on Sam.

-Sam is a kicked puppy when Dean leaves him. He looks much more devastated here than he did after Dean punched him and walked away. At least when he punched him he didn’t ask to be alone after.

Sam is so worried about Dean. His expression is pleading.

-When Dean comes back, Sam is watching something called “casa erotica 4.” He’s watching it with what looks like scholarly interest, or like he’s trying to figure out the plot from the first three movies he missed. Did he think maybe erotica would make him feel less sad about Dean? Evidently it’s pay per view so Sam had to have actually sought this out. He hasn’t done more than kiss anyone since Jessica died, so maybe this is meant to remind the viewer that he’s horny. So to recount, this episode he’s horny and he’s pleading desperately with Dean for something. I’m just contextualizing.

-Sam says “where the hell were you?” which is something an angry girlfriend would say.

-Dean is very indignant that Sam thought he was wrong about the case. Dean was right, and tells Sam he does actually know how to do his job. Sam used to openly look up to him so of course this is important to him, that Sam still thinks he’s capable.

-Their fights are just SO good. Sam is yelling at Dean that he’s scary and erratic and if this hadn’t been a case “you would’ve just found something else to kill” which gets Dean’s attention. Last episode he basically told Sam that he needs him to keep him from his violent impulses, from just being a killer. Dean walks away again until Sam says “Please—Dean—it’s killing you. Please.” I wonder if Sam says “please” to Dean like this only when he really, really needs him to listen because he knows that it works. Dean finally stops and looks at him, almost reproachfully. His kryptonite.

The fact that Dean feeling unhappy is such an issue for Sam that he’s fighting and begging and asking to be punched makes me want to hurl myself into the sun. He REALLY needs Dean to be okay. If Dean ever tried to pull away from him when they were kids, or ever seemed like he was refusing to talk about something bothering him, Sam must have lost his damn mind. And that’s exactly how Dean would’ve coped with feelings for Sam.

-Sam says they’ve already lost their parents. He says “I’ve lost Jessica. And now I’m gonna lose you too?”

If someone said to you “I’ve already lost my girlfriend. And now I’m going to lose you too?” It would probably feel like you were in a similar role to their girlfriend.

It’s also wild that Sam is comparing their parents’ and his girlfriend’s horrific and violent deaths with Dean just simply not talking about his pain. Like, Jessica burned to a crisp on my ceiling and now this? Emotional distance when I’m sad?

-The way Sam nods when Dean says “I’m being an ass and I’m sorry” is very baby brother. It’s similar to the way he nods when Dean asks him if he’s hungry when he comes back from the dead, just more cross.

-Dean tells him “I hear you” but right now they have a zombie to catch, and he starts walking, leaving Sam crestfallen.

-Dean thinks that Angela’s description of Neal being a shoulder to cry on and understanding what she’s going through sounds like Neal is in “unrequited ducky love” with her and your honor that’s exactly how Sam is treating Dean in this very episode, if only Dean would accept his shoulder.

-Dean says the following while making uninterrupted eye contact with Sam:

Okay!

-Sam tells Dean his plan was “pretty sharp” so now Dean can stop worrying that Sam doesn’t think he’s good at hunting

-Episode theme is “what’s dead should stay dead.”

Dean eventually pulls over and gets out of the car to tell Sam they both know John traded his life for Dean’s. Dean thinks he should be dead and that Sam thinks so too.

This conversation is heartbreaking because Dean asks what Sam could possibly say to make it alright, and when Sam struggles with something but doesn’t speak, Dean seems to take this as him agreeing.

Sam clearly doesn’t agree that Dean should be dead or blaming himself. Sam looks frustrated and worried and upset that Dean could even think that. For one thing Sam just sees things differently and probably hasn’t bothered questioning John’s death very much, and for another Sam chose Dean over John so many times that we can safely assume he’s at peace with this exchange. But he couldn’t possibly say anything right now to make Dean understand, so he just listens.

-Dean’s guilt over John dying for him weighs heavily, and keeping things from Sam is slowly ripping him apart. It will be important in later episodes that Dean struggles so much to keep anything from Sam.

-The way Sam looks at Dean here. He loves him so much. He looks resolute, and I wonder if he’s thinking that he’s going to show Dean he wants him and doesn’t blame him.

#samdean #supernatural #spn meta #sam and dean #spn 2x04 #wincest

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thasorns · 3 months

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I cannot shake my thoughts about this and I’ll know I’ll keep this drama close to my heart. The fact that Myung ha’s ‘sunbae’ opened the riff to the world with the question “would you change it for me?” Also the fact that Myung ha’s alternate universe/game world started with the sound of an ocean tells already a lot about it but we won’t know until Episode 8 why. Throughout the series we watched Myung ha doing everything in his power to make Yeo woon happy while he himself couldn’t rely, couldn’t trust, couldn’t open himself up to him. We know the phrase of his ex gf “you don’t know how to love anyone.” left a deep scar in his soul which he carried with to the alternate universe/game. I try to think the system errors which occurred during the game was a way to change Myung ha’s mindset to not make the same mistakes and/or go on with his habitual habits he did in his life before he drowned himself. Also the different tasks was it actually for Myung ha to realize that he’s the one who makes Yeo-woon happy (which he didn’t). He retreated himself from Yeo woon because he couldn’t choose between the most important persons in his life as we saw his grandma died in real life which makes me think if he also knew that because in one sequence in the game/au it asked him if he wants to bring back some memories of Myung ha’s life. Also the last I love you from Yeo woon was the cherry on top to let the system completely crash where he distanced himself from Yeo woon. “I want to spend my remaining time making Yeo woon happy as best as I can. But it seems the more I try, the more unhappy I make Yeo-woon.” Which Myung ha remembers what Yeo-woon said: “whenever I see you, I both feel good and want to cry. I feel so much about every little thing. But I’m not happy at all right now.” Which again I try to think it is about why Myung ha doesn’t rely more on him? Why he doesn’t open himself up to him? A relationship is based off of trust, give and take… etc. but Myung ha goes into this relationship with deep rooted traumas which causes lack of self love. If one loves not itself enough how can they expect to love someone else which what explains Myung ha’s last phrase in the same scene so much. “Why did I think I could make you happy?” It’s as if he doesn’t think that a loner like him could be the one to give him love and happiness. What follows after is that he choses Yeo woon’s happiness even if he’s not his happiness… which again brings me to the beginning where Myung ha thinks “but I prefer lonely supporting characters to happy protagonists.” In this case he’s the lonely supporting character to our happy protagonist Yeo-woon. “But being fated to live that kind of life… is just so unfair.” He knew/knows how cruel life can be so he chose his happiness over everything and got vanished from the game. He realized by now that Yeo-woon is/was more important than he wanted to admit. Yeo-woon is/was a glimpse of happiness in Myung ha’s life. What brings us to the tragic backstory of his life and how he lived. All the obstacles he endured and went through led to his drowning (at this point we saw Yeo-woon’s obstacles in the alternate universe/game at least in my opinion). This is the turning point for Myung ha. “I was hoping if you saw yourself from someone else’s perspective, you would learnt to love yourself. I thought if you learned to love someone, you would be a little happier.” I want to make a reference here to the title itself “Love for Love’s sake” because all the sacrifices he did and cared more for others than himself… but he found happiness. In Yeo-woon. And he chose his own happiness for once. It’s the way he chooses all these things for himself, to open himself up for him, to rely and be cared for. “It would be nice to have someone. Someone who cares by my side. Someone who gives me chances when I fail and feel hopeless. It would be nice to have someone who always gives me love.” Which they found both in each other.

#caddi watches #love for love's sake #I didn’t proofread it and it’s already 3 in the morning and I wrote this while I had cix’ ”I’m here for you” didn’t help either #also the one scene in the hospital where he met his sunbae the background genius. I try to think that this scene could’ve been #a turning point but when the sunbae asked to be with the loved one longer he chose the painless way #he still didn’t got it in my opinion… that’s why the remaining days deducted so fast it’s what I want to think #he was still bitter and rather pessimistic about love ‘people don’t stay together forever’ (I didn’t looked it up this time)#anyway this already got super long so I don’t wanna ramble extra in the tags #if you read this congratulations for reading a novel if not also okay because I wrote it down for me :)#which barely do btw I don’t write my thoughts and opinions anymore #and yes I chose the word ‘which’ a lot #zey rants #zey rambles

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carawenfiction · 11 months

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Will we have an update soon?

Tumblr won't let me make normal posts for some reason, so the update will have to be in form of an answer to this ask smh. Anyway:

Hey everyone!

This post is long overdue, I know. I’m really sorry to those who have been worried about my wellbeing, as well as those who have been waiting around for an update for so long.

I’ve put off writing here because this “update” is something I’ve been wrestling with for a long time. But I can’t keep going back and forth on it forever, which is why I’m now letting you all know that the Shadow Society is officially discontinued.

I know that this might not come as much of a surprise to anyone at this point. I’ve tried to salvage the story by remaking it into something I’m happy with through a rewrite. But I’ve rewritten the rewrite itself more than once, and no matter what I do, I’m just not happy with the result. Rewriting something that’s already published with all the coding it involves is a lot more tricky than I initially thought it would be.

This is not a case of me being needlessly harsh on myself, however; it’s simply a truth I’ve come to realize after struggling to find a way to keep going with the story. I’ll never be fully content with it, or even content enough, unless I’d be able to completely remake and rewrite everything from scratch – and consequentially, I will never find enough motivation to continue because of how unhappy I am with it.

I’ve seen some speculation about my reason for rewriting the story and my long absence, and that they’ve had to do with comparisons to other IFs (well, you know which one). This isn’t entirely the case. While the comparisons did happen and probably still do, and while they were discouraging in the beginning, I can definitely understand where people have been coming from when making them. I talked about this more in-depth in the forums right after the release of TSS.

The main reason for why I can’t continue is that it’s not a series I feel passionate enough about to work on. My tastes have changed, and so has my writing to some degree. I’ve tried to convince myself that I am passionate about it. It’s hard to admit that you’re not when it’s been in your head for so long, when you’ve tried for so long to make this work and when you know that one part is published and that some people are anticipating a continuation. But it had to be done sooner or later.

Other reasons:

-While I don’t think that my writing style has changed drastically, I feel like it is somewhat different from how I wrote back in 2018 (which is a GOOD thing). Whenever I tried working on the rewrite or second book and attempted to emulate the writing of TSS, it just didn’t sound right anymore, and that took a lot of fun out of it.

-With everything that has happened with CoG over the past few years, they are no longer a company I want to write for.

Please know that none of this has discouraged me from writing in general. I still love doing it. If anything, this has taught me a lot about what I actually want to write and the writing process in general. Whether I end up publishing anything else in the future or will simply do so for my own enjoyment we’ll just have to see, though.

I still have the idea of a shadow-like world in my head, and maybe it’s one I will revisit at some point. Maybe there will be another version of TSS someday, albeit very different from the original one.

But for now, I can only thank you all for the overwhelming love and support over the years, and apologize for any disappointment this has caused. If people are interested, I’d be happy to share parts of the rewrite and unused ideas. The Tumblr page will still stay up at least for some time, but I will probably not be answering any asks from here on out.

EDIT: Forgot to add, but if anyone wants a genuinely amazing IF read you should check out my friend's wip here: https://uroboros-if.tumblr.com/ ❤️ Play the demo here: https://mistyriousness.itch.io/uroboros

#the shadow society #tss #carawenfiction #interactive fiction

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heliads · 8 months

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inej ghafa x fem!reader?? I feel like things like this are missing on tumblr. kaz and reader are a duo and many consider them a couple but r likes inej and inej likes r. just something where kaz is tired of hearing his best friend talking about his other best friend and decides, in his own way, to play "cupid" so they can finally leave him alone. i really need to see kaz being "cupid's best friend" to both of them and being secretly happy for them (male-female friends exist, nobody remembers??)

male-female friends DO exist, speak on that anon

masterlist

“I think Kaz Brekker is going to kill me.”

This is not an unusual announcement to make in the Barrel. The fact that you’re saying this aloud to an empty room, although odd, is again not something that happens infrequently. Dirtyhands has a reputation for going after anyone who slights him, and he doesn’t accept apologies when he can take something a little more permanent, like a life. Many of his victims are prone to complaining via soliloquy.

The only difference between you and the dozens of Ketterdam residents currently pacing restlessly in fear of Kaz’s wrath is the response such a statement receives. When you make your pronouncement, instead of being greeted by the rustle of wind against the eaves or an ominous feeling in the pit of your stomach, you’re answered by the Wraith herself.

Inej chooses to respond to you instead of retreating back to the Slat to tell Kaz his latest fear campaign has worked, unlike how she’d treat anyone else. Although she wasn’t visible in the room, the second you speak aloud to the seeming emptiness, Inej appears in a flash of dark fabric, crouched on your window ledge, and says, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

You frown at her. “I am not being ridiculous. I think he actually means it this time.”

Inej rolls her eyes, slipping into your room through the window you’re pretty sure was locked from the inside when you were last here. “That’s just his usual friendly demeanor. You’ve known him even longer than I have, Y/N, you can’t possibly think that he means you any harm.”

You grimace. “See, that’s what I thought too. I mean, I met Kaz when we were both kids, I’ve kind of taken our friendship for granted. He’s never so much as stubbed my toe with his cane.”

Inej frowns. “So what changed?”

“It’s happened a few times now,” you admit. “He keeps saying stuff about how something with me has got to change, and if I don’t get around to it, he’ll fix the problem I’ve created. He wasn’t joking, Inej. Whatever I’ve done, he’s not inclined to back down until he gets it sorted out, and you know how Kaz likes to solve his problems.”

Inej winces. “Kaz threatens a lot of people. You can’t take it too much to heart.”

“If you were there, you would know,” you grumble. “He seemed, like, genuinely unhappy. He said that my problem was starting to cast a pall on his reputation. He said I was making it his concern. Usually, he trusts me to sort out my issues, but this– this was different.”

Inej must be able to sense your genuine concern, because her expression softens and she walks forward, placing a soft hand on your shoulder. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean it. Kaz has a lot on his plate. You’re his best friend, Y/N, or so Kaz would say if he would let himself rely on anyone. He doesn’t want you dead.”

You lean into her palm. Just like always, it brings comfort like nothing else. Just like always, you can’t help but chase the warmth of her touch, wishing for more that you may never receive. Not as a friend. Not just this. “You’re his best friend, too. Have you heard anything?”

Inej shakes her head. “Not a word. I can ask, though. Discreetly, of course.”

You smile. “Of course. I trust your secret ways, you know that.”

Inej laughs, and pulls away after a heartbeat, although her eyes follow the place her hand had been for a while longer. “I think I’ll talk to him now. I don’t want you worrying for no reason.”

You let out a grateful sigh. “Thank you, Inej. I mean it.”

She flashes you a grin as she heads back towards the window. “Anytime, Y/N. One more question, though,” she adds, perched halfway in your room and halfway in the open air of the Kerch streets, “How did you know I was here? When you first said you thought Kaz was going to kill you, I mean, how’d you know I would hear it? I didn’t make a sound.”

You lift a shoulder. “I just did.”

Inej frowns crossly. “I need to know so I can improve my skills. What gave it away?”

You grin. “Maybe I didn’t know. Maybe I was just talking to myself.”

Inej scoffs. “You don’t do that.”

She says it with absolute certainty, the product of enough time spent watching from the shadows. “What if I knew when you were watching so I only talked to empty rooms when I knew you weren’t around?” You ask, laughing.

“That still brings us back to the subject of how you always know when I’m there,” Inej points out.

You wave a hand vaguely around. “I don’t know. Honestly. I just feel it, I guess.”

Inej considers this, still crouched on the window ledge, her heels over empty air, her knuckles brushing the cracking paint. You walk closer so you can get a better look at her. The midnight moonlight clings to her hair, her skin; it’s not just you who doesn’t want to let her go, or so it seems. Inej smiles at you, fond, and then she’s gone, disappearing into the empty night air. You surge to the window, but even after sticking your head out and looking around, you can’t spot one flicker of movement. She has simply vanished, as if from the very country itself.

You don’t know that you could respond any better to Inej’s question even if you were ready for it. You never have been able to put a proper name to the sensation you get whenever Inej is nearby. Some could call it infatuation, others could refer to it as a good friendship, but it’s more than that. Inej is the person you look to first in a firefight. Inej is the one you want to see when you have the day off, when you’re finally safe from a dangerous job. It’s her. Always has been.

You started looking for her in earnest the day you realized that the feelings you had for her were more than just platonic. After that, it was easy. Inej is not so pedestrian as to reveal herself in a shower of loose roof tiles, nor a kicked pebble on the street, but she is still human. If you really try, you can hear her in the quiet of perfect stillness. The brush of cloth against cloth. One held breath. Even secrecy makes noise, and you’ve memorized every way to tell it’s her when a shadow lingers nearby.

You don’t get a response until the next morning. You’re idling on the cobblestoned streets, pretending to wait for a friend but really watching the flow of pigeons from the Dime Lions’ club to the Dregs’. You tuck your face into your hand to hide a yawn, and when you look back up, blinking against the crisp wind, Inej is by your side, leaning against the railing of a bridge just a step or two away.

“‘Morning, Inej,” you greet her. “Sleep well?”

She smiles, closing her eyes so she can tilt her head back and bask in the meager few rays of morning sun that have managed to break through the dense clouds that usually block out Ketterdam sunrises. “You know,” she says absentmindedly, “I really do like that about you. Everyone else just demands information whenever I show up. You say hello.”

You feel the corners of your lips flicker up in a traitorous smile despite your best attempts not to respond to the compliment. “Is it terrible if I ask for information on your conversation with Kaz now, then?”

Inej laughs, shaking her head. “No, that's why I’m here. I think you’re right to be scared, by the way.”

You freeze slightly. “You actually think he’s going to kill me? Inej, I thought you were here to reassure me that everything was fine, not confirm my fears.”

Inej ponders this. “I don’t think he’s actually going to kill you. Just shake you up a little, maybe. I think he was more mischievous than genuinely threatening.”

This doesn’t make you feel any better. “Kaz’s idea of a fun parlor joke is stabbing someone through the hand. I’m going to need a little more evidence of his support of me before I sleep well at night again, thank you very much.”

Inej shrugs. “I think it’s very unreasonable for you to want to feel safe around Kaz Brekker, but everyone has to have their dreams, I suppose. If you want an indication of his favor, though, he’s assigned both of us to a job.”

This does grab your attention. Kaz would only trust you with Inej on a job if he really believed in you. Of course, he could be sending Inej to kill you, but you don’t think she’d do that. Inej would never hurt you. She’s pledged that before, and you made the same promise to her.

We all come to the Barrel for terrible, terrible reasons, and sometimes those reasons make themselves known in long and awful nightmares. Sometimes, when you wake up screaming, you need a friend who will never hurt you. Someone you can trust unconditionally. Sometimes, when one girl wakes up in a haze of bad memories, tears hot on her face, she needs another girl to hold her until the shaking stops. A girl to promise that there will be someone else in the world who will watch after her, who will keep the endless fears at bay. It was you for Inej, and it was Inej for you.

So no, then– if Inej was asked to hurt a hair on your head, she would not only refuse but protect you from other would-be assassins. The only answer is to then trust that this mission of Kaz’s is not designed to hurt either of you.

“Alright,” you say, shrugging your shoulders, “What does he want from us?”

He doesn’t provide you with an awful lot of information, that Dirtyhands. Inej tells you an address, a room, an object, and a time. You both head to your destination. There isn’t much security at all, hardly any passersby, so you’re able to slip in without difficulty. Once inside the designated room, you notice that there’s not much inside, just some simple furniture and a note on the desk.

The note you read with increasing indignance. Inej, who has been scouting out the room’s perimeter, glances over at you with concern when you fling the paper back against the desk. “What is it?”

“This is a trap,” you tell her, furious, “And it’s all Kaz’s doing.”

Inej furrows her brow, then softly pads across the room to pick up the note and read it herself. You can tell from the swiftly changing expression on her face alone what she’s discovering, having practically committed the note to memory yourself.

Dear Y/N and Inej,

I have had enough. Both of you have something that you need to tell each other. I have grown tired of both of you tiptoeing around it, so you won’t be leaving until I hear you say it.

K.B.

Both you and Inej turn in unison to stare at the door, but before either of you can start towards it, you hear the door lock with an audible click. You glance towards the window, but Inej shakes her head. “Locked from the outside. He must have specifically chosen this room and secured it beforehand so none of us can get out. It’s basically a holding cell.”

You yell some choice insults at Dirtyhands in general, but you only hear a soft, low laugh from behind the door, which is incredibly frustrating. You pivot slowly back to Inej, who is swaying slightly back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“Well,” you say as casually as you can, “I guess we have to say something to each other, then. That’s it, though, and then we can leave.”

“Yes,” Inej says evenly. “But what to say?”

You have a terrible feeling building in the pit of your stomach, something telling you that you know exactly what Kaz wants you to say to Inej. It might have something to do with the feelings you keep burying whenever she’s around, but the note said that both of you had to say this thing, and there’s no way that Inej could ever– she wouldn’t feel the same way, no. It must be something else, then.

“Any idea what Kaz would want from us? You’re pretty up to date on his motives,” you mention cautiously.

Inej looks studiously at the ground. “You’ve known him for longer. Maybe you would have a better guess than me.”

The floor receives your stare as well. It’s easier than looking her in the eyes. Easier than trying to make a guess as to whether or not she could possibly love you. Inej takes to prodding the door and window for possible gives, even attempting to see if the ceiling could be pushed aside to make room for escape, but no luck.

You plead weakly with her as she attempts to unscrew the hinges of the door with one of her knives. “Is whatever he wants you to say to me really that bad that you would go to all this trouble to avoid it?”

Inej stills, her hand still on the frame of the door. “You have no idea what he wants me to say.”

“But you do,” you counter, “Don’t you?”

“It’s about you,” she whispers. “It could be terrible.”

“If it’s you,” you tell her, “It could never be terrible.”

Slowly, carefully, Inej turns to look at you. Her eyes are wide and haunted. It occurs to you that maybe you were wrong, maybe she is here to kill you in some sort of way. She could hurt you without ever drawing blood. It would be easy at a time like this, with your entire body thrumming in the wild, desperate hope that the secret Inej must share is something that you have to tell her as well.

Her voice is quiet, barely even a sigh, when she speaks at last. “He knew that I love you.”

It is strange, how even with your mad hopes and prayers, you’re still absolutely consumed by the knowledge that Inej Ghafa loves you when it is finally confirmed aloud. You go completely quiet, mind racing with this incredible knowledge. Inej owes nothing to the world. She defies gravity, she defies nations. She gives nothing if she can take it, but Inej– Inej has given you her heart, free of charge, and it is the most lavish and lovely gift you could ever hope to own.

Whatever reaction Inej was hoping for, she must not find it in your awestruck face, because she abruptly turns to the door and knocks on it loudly. “I told her,” she says crossly, although you swear you detect a little bit of fear undercutting her words, “Now let me out.”

“Not yet,” you plead with her. “He can’t let you go yet. Not until I tell you that I love you, too.”

This time, Inej doesn’t turn slowly. Instead, it’s as if she’s crossed from the door to you in half a second. “Really?”

Inej never doubts herself, nor the information she gathers. Still, the look of pure joy on her face when you repeat your feelings makes her ask again, and again. You have no problem answering her. For once, you are not afraid.

The door clicks open. You glance towards it. “Footsteps on the landing.”

Inej lets out a quiet half-laugh. “Let him go. It would be sporting to give him a head start before we chase him down for pulling a stunt like this.”

You grin in response. “Still, I suppose we shouldn’t be too devastating in our wrath. Who knows how long we would have kept this a secret.”

Inej tilts her head to the side, considering this. “I don’t know. I’m rather good at finding out secrets.”

You arch a brow. “Is that so? How long do you think I’ve loved you, then?”

Inej beams. “Tell me.”

You impulsively reach out a hand, smoothing back a dark lock of hair from her face. “Since the very start.”

This is only the first of many such secrets. Inej has yet to learn just what made you love her, or where you were when you figured it out, or even perhaps how you learned to tell when she’s trying to sneak up on you. Until then, however, you have no doubt that she’ll commit herself to figuring out every intricacy that makes up the girl she loves. You. Until then, you welcome the challenge.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @budugu, @aoi-targaryen

all tags list: @wordsarelife

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jqhotchner · 4 months

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wedding bells

“…i don’t wanna love if it’s not you…”

that’s all he could hear. wedding bells as he falls asleep. he had lost the one woman he knew he should be spending the rest of his with. the only woman for him.

he hasn’t had a good nights rest since you’ve told him the news. since you’ve told him that he was losing you forever.

he had turned his phone off. he didn’t wanna talk to anyone. he didn’t wanna see anyone. all harry wanted to do was drown himself. god, he wished he could go back in time and kick the shit outta himself.

he had tried to write his pain down. but the only thing that came out was shit. he had broke you and now you had broke him.

unbeknownst to him his mother and sister were so worried they flew all the way to see him. they needed to make sure he was okay. they heard the news about your wedding. gemma and anne knew this would set him back again.

so hearing the knock on his front door he groaned. he just hoped that whoever it was would just go away.

“oh, baby brother.”

harry turns and sees his mom and sister. he couldn’t hold it in anymore. he cried loudly. anne walks over to his son and hold him tightly. harry holds his mom as he cried into her shoulders.

“she’s getting married in june mama. the month of our anniversary. she’s—fuck! i lost her forever.”

anne hold her son as he tears up. she felt for her son. you were the first woman harry’s truly fell in love with. one who loved him for who he was and not for his fame. when you lose your first true love it’s always heartbreaking. but you were his one and only. the girl he let get away because of his ego.

anne didn’t like the way he treated you. she understood why you left. but she still felt for her son over the years. all those sad ass songs he’s wrote. she listened and knew. she knew her son was broken and the only way to pick up those pieces would be you.

it’s one of the reasons why she told you to listen to his music. she pushed you into listening to harry’s albums over the years. only hoping that you’d see his truth. showing you how unhappy he was. she knew it was selfish on her part. but she also loved you as a daughter. you made her baby boy the happiest he’s been since being in that band. she hadn’t seen him smile that big in a long time. and she knew you were hurting as well.

she thought maybe this would push you together again. but when she heard you confirmed you were engaged to your current boyfriend she knew this would only set her baby boy back.

when she tried calling him and his phone went straight to voicemail she had to go see her son.

“i know it hurts baby. but hopefully this will be your closure. maybe this is what you needed to truly move on.”

“can’t mama. i love her. i love her more than anything. i can’t see her get married. i can’t see her marry someone else. i—it hurts.”

gemma watches her brother so broken. she knew he hasn’t eaten, bathed, or move much. her heart broke for her brother. she just knew she had to do something. she had to get her brother back.

so for the next two days she cleaned the house, got her brother out of bad, got him to eat and shower. she knew what she would do next would make or break him. but she had to. she had to do this for him. and hopefully it wouldn’t break him.

the day of the wedding gemma and anne got him to go outside. it was a struggle but they did what they had to do. harry had no idea where they were taking him but he knew he had to move on.

he had to let you be happy. even if that meant without him. when they finally got to their destination harry looked at the church. he looked at his mom and sister and shook his head.

“go get her baby brother.”

idk wtf this was but i just want to finish this story…😬🤷🏽‍♀️

#harry styles x black!reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles fake ig #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagine #harry styles

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avinwrites · 11 months

Text

Mending Hearts♡ ♡ ♡

Synopsis: How you comfort them through both physical and emotional turmoil.

Aesop Carl

It isn’t that you don’t get along with Aesop; all things considered, you have the best relationship with him out of anyone. Sometimes, however, he is simply indecipherable. Most days, you can tell how he feels from his expressive body language, despite his inscrutable face, and communicate with him clearly, but on the days where something is off, it is quite difficult to get through to him. You know that the key to any good relationship is communication, but it’s hard and it takes a lot of courage on your part just to talk about the things that bother you. He never seems to understand that.

At the current moment, he hasn’t talked to you in two days, and your last interaction consisted of you attempting to console him after some particularly unkind words were said to him regarding his performance during a recent match.

“You sound just like them.” His voice has a cold and distant sound to it, reaching your ears with a harsh bite.

“What?” You can’t help but gasp in shock, his words hitting hard, having just been in a tender moment.

“Your words have no meaning behind them, it's all noise.”

"I know that my words may not seem like much right now, but I want you to know that I care about you." You listen to your voice, trying to place yourself in his shoes, but you just can’t. You’ve been there for him practically since you met him, and you know he’s having a hard time, but how can he say that? You can hear the sincerity in your tone, you know how it's supposed to sound. But he doesn’t get it.

“Leave me alone.”

“Aesop-” You try once more to negotiate a balance or some way that you don’t have to end the conversation with both sides unhappy. He wouldn’t allow it.

“I need space right now.” He forces out, gruff, though his voice still soft and low.

“That's… fine, just let me know when you’re ready to talk.” Resigned, you walk away, giving him the space he desires, but nothing more than that.

That “space” has persisted for days, and this time, you weren’t going to be the one to apologize, or even speak first. You always do and it’s hard. If he isn’t willing to give a little effort, then… you hate thinking about it, that if he won’t speak to you then anything you could’ve had would be over. All the good moments, being happy with him, hearing his infrequent, yet impactful laughs, it will have meant nothing. The fact that he was giving you the silent treatment, even though you weren’t sure if he was even aware of it, made you want to cave. But this time, you held your ground. After a while, you began to feel childish. You wanted to move past this and to forget the conversation ever happened, but what would you even say to him? He asked for space and you provided, and now you were just going to ignore that for the sake of not wanting to be uncomfortable. What kind of a person would that make you? Now it’s immature both to not say anything, and to talk to him. The situation confuses and frustrates you, and all you really want is a little bit of comfort, just a single word of encouragement from him would solve your inner turmoil, but you’re in the midst of a silent treatment, so you can’t even get that.

You decide it's best to move on and think about something else. This shouldn’t affect you this much, and yet, the situation stays in the forefront of your mind. The days drifted by, blurring together in indistinct monotony, and still, the silence lingered between you and Aesop. It was a heavy weight on your heart, a constant reminder of the distance growing between you. You found yourself going through the motions of daily life, but your mind was consumed by thoughts of him. It was hard to focus on anything else when the person you cared about most was shutting you out. You forced your mind to think about anything else, in fact, having thrown your entire person into distracting yourself, you seemed to improve in your game performance, and yet, you could not help but wander back through your thoughts to Aesop, and a pang of sadness would wash over you.

It hurt. Claws as sharp as the last words he spoke to you dug deep into your chest, gripping your bleeding heart. You miss his presence, his infrequent bouts of laughter that never failed to make your heart skip a beat, his unique way of seeing the world. You missed the connection you had, the feeling of being understood and accepted, and most of all, you missed the way he made you feel loved, cherished, and appreciated, like you could be yourself, no matter what.

And when you finally see him again, after shielding his face from you for days, he looks as bad as you feel. Sunken in eyes with the beginnings of dark wrinkles under them. His posture is worse than before, and he seems just out of touch enough with reality to not even notice that you sidled up to him.

“You look rough.” You comment, giving him a weak smile and holding out your hand as somewhat of a peace treaty, letting him know that you aren’t mad at him, and you would like to comfort him again, if he were to accept it.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers, so quiet you can barely hear it. No one else is around; you still hold yourself back from pulling him into a tight, longing hug.

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand.” It isn’t long before your unsaid desires are fulfilled as he deliberately closes the gap between you and places his tired head on your shoulder, pulling you into a tender embrace. “Are you alright?” You can’t help but question. These acts of affection aren’t unheard of from him, but certainly aren’t common.

“I wish to be by your side, I’m sorry for pushing you away. Everything feels… better when you’re with me.”

You only hum in agreement in response, keeping him close to you until he decides he’s ready to break contact, but from the way it feels, that won’t be for a long time.

Luca Balsa

The great inventor Luca Balsa had admitted something to you not too long ago. He told you that he enjoys your presence and that being around you comforts him. He gave you his heartfelt confession, and you reciprocated. To you, this was the obvious outcome to your rapidly developing bond. Since the beginning, the two of you got along like a forest fire, mirroring each other’s exuberance and empathizing with each other at each nadir. Despite all you had already been through together, those experiences only reached the surface of what was to come.

Luca warned you a few times of his unpredictable changes in behavior due to his injury. You really didn’t understand what he meant, as you witnessed his mood swings before, and he had never been violent or even the slightest bit rude to you, but you nodded along each time, promising not to abandon him and to stay by his side through thick and thin.

This morning, after noticing that Luca was not eating breakfast with the rest as usual, you made your way to his room to check on him. Once, he had asked you not to step foot in his room, and since then you had adhered to this request, and you’ve never seen the inside. Diligently, you knock on his door, announcing that you were here to ensure his well-being. All you got was a groan in response.

“Luca, are you alright? Can I come in?” You pry, pushing yourself against the door to hear the other side.

“No, no I’ll be there in a second.” You heard his weary voice call. A soft thump then a louder one rumbles the door, before Luca, disoriented, stumbles out. He did not look good. His usually ruffled brown hair was a mess, as if he had been gripping his hair, it stuck out in certain places. His eyes were puffy, and his scared one almost completely shut.

“Luca, you look horrible, please go lay down. I’ll bring you-”

“No, I’m fine!” His frantic voice and waving hands cut you off. You waited. He took a step, then lowered his head into his hands, grasping at his temples and groaning softly.

“You are not fine.” You respond simply, taking his hands in yours. You gently push open his door to lead him to bed and you're struck with speechlessness at the sight of his room. Papers, tools and trinkets littered everywhere. Some torn paper stuck up with illegible writings scrawled half on the paper and half on the wall. His bed was unmade and there were a few dents and scratches all over his walls. When you come face to face with the words “Do not forget” written over and over, you realize why he never let you in his room.

You could have forgotten he was next to you, too distracted by the state of his room, but his shudders and reactions to pain called your attention back to him, who now clings to your legs as he stabilizes himself to sit on the floor.

“Come here, Luca.” You whisper, kneeling to his level and taking his head in your hands, brushing his hair back with your fingers, and putting a light, circular pressure on his temples. He leans into you, unable to hold back his rolling tears from his physical and mental distress. Unable to form any response for his harsh, quick breaths, he welcomes your comfort with a strong grip, beginning to sob into your shoulder. You do your best to help him, whispering sweet words to him and hoping your feather-light touch alleviates some of his pain.

After a long moment, his breathing evens and grip loosens. You remove his face from its place, nestled in your shoulder, and wipe his remaining tears with the tip of your thumb. Neither of you move. You only hold his face, searching his eyes for further signs of discomfort, as he looks straight into your eyes, seemingly more relaxed with each passing second. Only soft breaths and subtle shifts can be heard between you, taking time to just be comforted by each other’s presence.

Luca then presented you with the unexpected. A smile. Though weak and lopsided, his toothy grin shone through the darkness clouding his head.

“Thank you.” He whispers, pulling you into a tight embrace. Wordlessly, you hug him back. No words were needed to convey your inner feelings. You’d be here for him, always. And you knew that the same was true for him. Like you were made to support each other, the two of you sat in silence, knowing each other’s heart and accepting each other, flaws and all.

Sometimes I just want a hug

Anyways, I had the idea for 2 more characters, where this time they're the ones comforting the reader, but I couldn't make anything stick! I'll keep working on it though <3

#identity v x reader #idv x reader #identity v #idv #idv luca #idv aesop #aesop carl x reader #luca balsa x reader #luca balsa #aesop carl #l

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