#i feel sorry that society has made them believe that adults liking things for children means they are creepy/gross | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-am-baechu · 2 years

Text

Title: DNA

Paring: Park Jimin x reader

Genre: Thief! Jimin, head detective! reader, lovers to enemies! au, established relationship! au, breakup! au, enemies to lovers! au, fluff( kind of), smut, and angst

Summary: Two whole years and the Black Swan burglar hasn’t been caught yet making head detective, Y/N L/N’s, life hard. At every crime scene, the person leaves black feathers and video recordings of random things. Things that don’t even connect to the crime scene or the next one, why would they record roses or even a restaurant? On top of that, Y/N just recently broke up with her boyfriend Park Jimin when she felt like he was hiding something. Y/N has to face Jimin but will she be able to leave without a scratch or will something worse happen?

Warnings: Secrets are bad remember that!, mystery, Taehyung is the bad guy in this (sorry), poison, murder, crime scenes, guns, blood, alcohol and cigarette usage, slow build up lol, angst, fluff? and sex scene

Part of Little Mix's Mixtape series!

November 2, 2020

Everyone has secrets, everyone has lies, and everyone has a past. We accept things that we want to believe are true because it protects us from our harsh realities. Being naive can only take you so far in life and that’s why children crave to be protected or...at least feel safe. There hasn’t been a moment in my life where things were pure paradise like how all the adults around me said it would be. They said being a young adult would answer the questions you had when you were a teenager but it did the opposite. More questions appeared as time went on like dust in a library. I thought I knew what was happening between us but it was just me pretending everything was alright. I knew deep down how this would turn out but my naive nature took over me because of love. I really thought it was love or was it just me saying it was to feel better. No matter what I did...No, I can’t say that...

May 1, 2022

In this city, the truth was hard to come by. Rumors of infidelity floated through high society while the lower class watched with wishful stares, hoping that one day they can be as rich as them but never seeing the pain that was caused by themselves. Rumors were what kept people alive and alerted for any future threats but for others, it made them run into the corner with their ears covered. The cloudy days are when the shadows come to play while the light is hidden, hidden because of the fear and the future hurt. L/N Y/N would know about this hurt and she knew it all too well.

Y/N entered the station with a coffee in her hand as she gave small smiles to the other officers. Her days were starting to seem all the same, even her dreams had documents and pictures that never answered her questions. She entered her office and stared at her desk with a frown. The white of the paper was mocking her at this point and all she could do was take it. She placed her coffee on the table and opened her emails before she did anything. As she was going through her emails there was a small knock on the door and she softly said come in without her taking her eyes off of the computer.

“Ms. L/N...”

She looked away from her computer to see the newest intern, Jeon Jungkook, giving her a awkward smile. She moved away from her computer and gave him her full attention with a gentle smile, “Yes, Jungkook?”

“Bianca wanted me to tell you that there was another break in...It happened two days ago but we were only now notified because the owners were gone on vacation and came back to a mess.”

She nodded her head and glanced down at the papers before looking back at him. In a serious tone, “Were there black feathers at the scene?”

“Yes...Bianca wanted me to tell you that she thinks it's part of the Black Swan case.”

“What did they say was missing?”

“A wedding ring and a diamond choker. There was also a red sequin dress that was left at the scene.”

She raised her eyebrow and got up from her desk rubbing her forehead roughly. She walked up to her board and stared at the Black Swan case with a confused look. There’s been four break-ins, including this one, and she couldn’t figure out why these people were getting targeted. She glanced over her shoulder at Jungkook and then back at the board, “Was it a family of three that reported the case?”

“Yes...”

“Do they live in a gated community?”

“Yes...”

“Was there a tape?”

“Yes.”

“Are they part of the Waltz foundation?”

“Bianca looked into it and...yes they are.”

Y/N nodded her head and turned around to give him a small smile, “Jungkook, gather your things. You're coming with me.”

He looked at her with wide eyes and pointed towards him, “Me-me? Are you sure?”

She put her coat on and nodded her head, “You need to learn somehow. I know Bianca is...she's hard to work with. Trust me I know.”

He gave her a quick nod of his head and before he left, he turned back making her raise her eyebrow, “Ms. L/N...one more thing.”

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“They said the house smelled like alcohol and roses but there was no alcohol that split and no sign of roses.”

She nodded her head and glanced at the pictures pinned into her board, “Just like the other houses...hurry and get your things together. I’ll get a crew ready to go down to the house after I talk to Bianca.”

“Yes, Ms. L/N.”

She heard the door close and she let out a deep sigh that she was holding in. Why are these families getting targeted? They are part of the Waltz foundation. The foundation that gave toys to sick children and free meals for families in need. The foundation that helped her when she was younger and saved her friends lives was now looking suspicious to her. Two years the Black Swan case has been occuring. The houses of a family of three were getting robbed and the only thing they stole was jewelry; the most expensive pieces. The first house had red heels that looked brand new and expensive, the second house had white opera gloves, the third house had a diamond encrusted headband and now a red sequin dress was added. To her it sounded like a fancy dress you wear to a date. Something she hasn’t been doing in the recent month because of her relationship status.

Her ex-boyfriend, Park Jimin, was the man of her dreams. He would always give her roses, give her his jacket when she was cold, and paid for dinner whenever they went out. The two years she spent with him was...they were good but there was something not right about it. It felt like he was hiding something from her. He would never discuss work with her and he never let her meet his family, friends and even his coworkers who were unknown to her. It caused many arguments but they always fixed it or put the problem to the side and moved on from it for the time being. It started to eat at her as more time passed, why was he hiding things? Was she not worth knowing the truth? The constant questions made her feel so small that it made her break up with him and she hasn’t seen or heard from him since. It was strange not hearing from him and it made her worry but she couldn’t focus on him right now. She let out a deep sigh when memories of Jimin came floating in her mind, where did he go?

The sun was disappearing as the gray clouds started to show up. Y/N glanced at Jimin who was staring out towards the river with a small smile. She poked his cheek causing him to turn towards her and blinked his eyes at her with confusion, “Is everything okay?”

“We should get going, it's going to rain.”

He shrugged his shoulder and shook his head, “Why do we need to go? Isn’t it romantic to be in the rain together?”

She snorted at this and felt a small water droplet on the top of her head. She put her hand out to feel another drop on her fingertips. She glanced back at him who was already taking out an umbrella from his bag, “You knew it was going to rain and didn’t bother to tell me?”

“Well, you do have a phone. You could’ve easily checked yourself.”

She let out an annoyed puff of air and crossed her arms, “So....”

“Plus you always dress like it's cold.”

“Your missing the point...”

He shrugged his shoulders again and put the umbrella on top of them as they watched the water drops dance on the river. It was peaceful to see the rain, especially when you're on a date.

“Neh, Y/N looked this way.”

She turned her head to see his phone getting ready to take a picture. She quickly moved to put her chin onto his shoulder and put up a peace sign. She smiled at the picture when he showed her but he quickly took the phone out of her hands when he was receiving a phone call. She raised her eyebrow at him and watched the smile on his face disappear. It turned into a serious look, a look that she has never seen before. It made her feel uncomfortable but she quickly looked back at the river. Admiring the silent dance performance before her.

She grabbed everything she needed and left her office. She went in front of everyone and everyone turned to look at her. She let out a small cough before she spoke, “I need a small crew to go down the new target of the Black Swan. Ramirez, I want you and your crew to come with me. Jackson, you're in charge until I come back, no funny business.”

As everyone moved to her commands, she went to leave the station but stopped in the front hall when she saw something in the corner of her eye. She turned her head and she saw a small doll on the benches but this doll had black curly hair with buttons for eyes. She tilted her head at this and slowly walked forward with one of her hands on her gun, just incase. When she approached the doll, she moved her hand away from her gun and put on blue latex gloves and picked up the doll slowly. She examined the doll with curiosity, the doll was just an ordinary doll. She looked around and saw that it was empty, it was only her and this doll. She looked at it once more and saw the tag said Waltz foundation but something caught her eyes. Embroidered on the tag was a black feather, making her drop the doll. She stared at it with a shocked look but she took a deep breath, not wanting fear to be seen. She picked up the doll and walked towards the lab to see Kim Namjoon looking at something.

“Namjoon?”

He looked up at her with a raised eyebrow because saw the doll in her hand, “What is that boss?”

“It's a doll...it has a black feather on the tag. I need you to examine this doll to see if there's any trace.”

“Where was this?”

“In the entrance hall, I need you to keep this a secret for now. I’m going to talk to security and look at the cameras. I’ll be back in two hours maybe less, you think you can have it done by then?”

Namjoon took the doll out of her hand and examined it himself. He looked back at her and gave her a small smile, “I think I can have it done by then...Hey Y/N.”

“Mm?”

“Have you heard anything from Jimin?”

She took a sharp breath in and shook her head, “Have you heard anything...I know he's your best friend and all-”

“No, I haven’t heard anything from him... I’ll get started with this and good luck with the search.”

She tilted her head at this and raised her eyebrow at him, “How did you know I was doing a search? You weren’t in the office.”

“News travels fast, especially if Bianca knew about it first.”

She let out a small chuckle and nodded her head, “That’s true. Alright, I’ll be back.Thank you Namjoon.”

“No problem, Y/N.”

She gave him a small wave and walked out to go inside her car. As she entered her car, she glanced around her. It felt like someone was staring at her but she couldn’t see who it was. She shook her head and assumed it was her being paranoid and drove off. Little did she know someone was behind the tree watching her drive away.

When she arrived, she saw that the crew already tapped up the area and was doing their jobs. She saw Jungkook waiting by a car and she walked up to him.

“Are you ready?”

Jungkook jumped at the voice and looked at her with fearful eyes, “Ms. L/N, y-yes I-I am.”

She let out a small laugh and patted his back gently, “Sorry for scaring you, I didn’t mean it. I’m going to tell Ramirezto question the family and we’ll go inside the house.”

He nodded his head and she turned around to look for Ramirez. Each step she took, it felt like sound waves were going through the ground and everything was slow motion. Something wasn’t right. She stopped her movement and looked around her once more, glaring at every tree and ignoring the small crowd that was there. She glanced at the crowd and saw that no one was directly looking at her but she felt like someones eyes were on her. She was snapped out of it when she heard her name and saw Ramirez coming up to her.

“Y/N, I was looking for you. The family is waiting in their living room, what would you like me to do?”

She rubbed her hands together and let out a small sigh, “I want you to ask them questions, just the standard ones for now.”

“Okay.”

She watched him leave her sight and before she walked back to Jungkook, she glanced over her shoulders again. There was nothing. She walked up to Jungkook and patted his back, “Let’s go.”

The two of them entered the house and it was your standard family house. There wasn’t anything that was crazy but she glanced at the jewelry that the wife had on and she knew the diamonds were real. They headed up the stairs and into the master bedroom after they put on the shoe covers and gloves. She looked around the room and saw that it was the same thing as the other houses. She stared down at the tape with a frown and looked at one of the officers, “We need a VCR.”

The officer gave her nod and she looked around the room with annoyance as Jungkook was writing in his small notebook behind her. Nothing was different and that's annoying to her. Why would they keep repeating the same scene over and over again? It didn’t make sense. Especially since the person was stealing specific jewelry from the people and leaving behind things that didn’t connect to anything. She let out a sigh and turned towards Jungkook who was too busy writing to see that she was looking at him.

She glanced into the master's bathroom and raised her eyebrow. She slowly walked up and knelt down to look at the feathers closely. These were different from the other ones. These ones have glitter on the ends and had pink paint splatter on some of them. She got up from the floor and opened the door and her eyes widened at the scene in front of her. On the toilet there was the same doll that she saw in the station but this time it was pink. She walked out of the bathroom and rushed to the middle to gather attention, “I want everyone on the search for pink or glitter. In the bathroom there's a doll covered with this pink paint and it's only semi dry. Meaning this was painted today. Let’s go!”

She walked out and took her phone out quickly, “Namjoon?”

“Yes?”

“Is there any paint on the doll?”

“Yes, how did you-”

“Is it pink?”

“Yes. Y/N, what’s going on?”

“Namjoon...I-I...I think I know who's doing this...”

Y/N sat in her living room with a glass of whiskey in her hand as Namjoon sat in front of her smoking his cigarette. After the long day she had at the crime scene and at the office she needed to unwind and talk to someone. She knew the one person that would listen to her was Namjoon. He dropped some ash in the tray and looked at Y/N, “Are you sure about this?”

“Namjoon, think about it. Black feathers, pink paint, and glitter. All things that the Waltz foundation uses for their annual toy drive for decorations.”

He puffed out some smoke and shook his head, “Do you know how crazy that is?”

“I know...I know but think about it. There was two fucking toys from their foundation. What else do I think?”

“There is a big foundation and it has high profiled politicians in it. If you go forward with that theory, it can cause trouble for you.”

She sighed and placed her glass on the table with a stressed look, “For now it’s just a theory…it doesn’t explain why the jewelry was missing and the things left behind.”

Namjoon let out a small chuckle and poured himself a glass of whiskey while Y/N watched with a raised eyebrow, “It’s as if the thief is trying to woo you.”

She scoffed at this and finished off her glass, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m just saying. It’s weird, the tapes and the clothes. It’s basically a date outfit plus crime. You should be more careful now, just incase.”

“I doubt this thief wants anything to do with me.”

In a warehouse in the middle of the city, Jimin leaned back in his chair remembering his forehead in a hard manner. He was frustrated, what more can he do to make her see the truth? He picked up his glass and finished his whiskey with a glare. He tossed the glass at the wall as he got up from his chair cursing under his breath.

The door opened making him glance at it and let out a sigh when he saw who it was, “Did you see the doll?”

“I did...Jimin, are you sure this is the right thing to do? It can affect you because of who you're messing with.”

Jimin sighed and sat on the couch next to him with a frown, “I know it will affect me but they messed with the wrong person. Messing with me is fine but messing with Y/N, that's a death sentence.”

“As long as you're sure...”

“Jungkook, just make sure you watch over her, okay?”

“Okay.”

March 10, 2021

It happened again. No matter what I do, it keeps happening. The hints I drop and nothing. Red on the floor and walls without a trace of remorse. How can I explain this? If I said my secret out loud then what would happen to us? The more I walk away or hide things...no I can’t tell anyone. Especially...I can’t write that, they will know. I questioned our love in the past but the more time that passes I realize that my heart belongs to one person. It’s in my hands now to protect them even if it means I have to get my hands dirty. How can no one notice these murders? What more do I have to do to get them to see it. Someone is cleaning this up before I can talk to someone...I need to figure this out before more people are killed.

May 4, 2022

The dolls stared at her as Y/N stared back at it. The dolls that looked so familiar to her but at the same time held something sinister within it. It’s been three days and so far there hasn’t been anything on the dolls. Namjoon was trying his best to find something for her but so far, it was a dead end. The tape showed her roses on a wooden flooring that showed another doll sitting on a business table. That was confirmation for herself to know the Waltz Foundation had something to do with this but she needed more evidence before she could say anything to her team. She continued to stare at the dolls until she heard the door open in the examination room to reveal Namjoon giving her a sad smile.

“Y/N, I opened up these dolls four times and there was nothing abnormal, just regular stuffing.”

She let out a sigh and nodded her head, “What about the stitching?”

“No, these are just basic dolls you’ll see on sale at the store.” She continued to stare at the dolls with an emotionless look making Namjoon give her a worried look, “Y/N?”

“Namjoon...remember when we were young on the streets...we saw similar dolls in the window and thought they were the greatest thing we have ever seen.”

Namjoon let out a soft chuckle and wrapped his arm over her shoulders rubbing them gently, “Y/N, that was in the past. Now look at us. Don’t think about the rough times-”

“Taehyung saved me when the store owner was going to hit me. He said I was driving customers away because of how filthy I was...if the Waltz Foundation had anything to do with this, you do realize I would have to see Taehyung...again.”

Namjoon sighed and looked away, “That’s why I'm hoping it's not. What Taehyung did-”

“What he did will never leave my mind. That’s why I can’t forget the past, Namjoon. You need to understand that.”

She pushed his arm off of her shoulders and wrapped her arms around her body with a frown, “Y/N...I just want you to be free from him.”

“Somehow he's back in my life...Thank you Namjoon for checking these so many times.”

“No problem Y/N, you should head home early today.”

She sighed and looked at him with a smile, “That actually sounds like a good idea. Any suggestions for what I should do?”

“I heard from the officers that Amber’s is having a fifty percent for people on the force today.”

“Really, why?”

“I don’t know but I know how much you love deals and alcohol, especially when you're stressed.”

She rolled her eyes at this and crossed her arms over her chest, “I’m not an alcoholic...I’ll go. I do need a break away from all this.”

He smiled at this and nodded his head, “Okay, text me when you get there and call me if you need me to pick you up.”

She nodded her head and started to walk out of the room before she glanced over her shoulder at him, “Anything from Jimin?”

“No, I’m sorry, Y/N.”

She nodded her head and headed out without saying anything else. When she got into her car, she leaned forward, hitting her forehead on the steering wheel. She was frustrated with herself because even though she and Jimin are through, she can’t help but worry about him. She lifted her head and looked at herself through her mirror with a frown, what the hell is wrong with her?

She stared at the car and started to drive to Amber's, remembering Jimin introducing her to the bar.

Jimin opened the door for her as she glanced at him with a small smile. The place was small and it was very inviting with a 1950’s theme throughout. She was hit with the smell of cherry pie making her confused. She looked at him with a confused look, “Is that pie?”

“Oh, they make the best cherry pie.”

“This is a strange bar...”

Jimin let out a small laugh and led her to a table near the back with her hand in his. They sat at the table as he stared at her with a smile, “You look beautiful tonight.”

She rolled her eyes at him and let out a small laugh, “Jimin, I’m literally wearing sweats and a shirt because you texted me out of the blue saying let’s go on a date.”

He shrugged his shoulders at this and gave her a small pout, “But you agreed...I haven’t seen you in a week or two.”

She sighed at this and nodded her head, “I know...there’s a new case at the station and it's making everyone confused.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“A home was robbed and there were black feathers all over the master bedroom but there’s no DNA on them and we can’t trace them back...it’s so weird. The house was in a gated community but the guards said there was no one entering last night.”

“That does sound weird but I know you can figure it out.”

Y/N sat at the table looking down at the dark wood with tired eyes. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here but she did want at least one drink since she made it here. She got up from the table and headed towards the front. She sat at the bar making the bartender raise his eyebrow, “Y/N?”

She looked up and saw Yoongi staring at her with shocked eyes, “Yoongi? You still work here?”

“Yeah, I do. I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been busy...can I ask you something?”

Yoongi put the glass down that he was cleaning and leaned forward towards her, “Yeah, you can ask me anything.”

“Has Jimin been here...”

Yoongi looked away from her for a second and then let out a small cough, “No but I’ve heard from others that he's been working.”

“Working?”

“Don’t worry okay...He’s okay and everything he does is to protect you. Remember that.”

She tilted her head at this and nodded her head, “What’s with the riddles, Yoongi?”

“Just listen okay...be careful, officer.”

She walked him away into the back room leaving her alone with a confused face. Now she wasn’t in the mood to have a drink and got up from the bar as fast as she could. She sat in her car staring outside her window with a blank expression. What was Yoongi trying to say to her? She scratched her head and started her car to head back home. The drive back was silent and she couldn’t get Yoongi’s words out of her mind. Something was happening in the city and she needed to learn what before she gets hurt or worse, gets killed.

She entered her home and stared out into the pure darkness with a frown. What does Yoongi know?

July 20, 2021

It’s getting harder to hide everything. Each time I look into her eyes, it gets harder. All I want to do is to protect her but how can I protect her when I’m hiding so much. I can’t just tell her because then she would ask me about my job and I can’t...I can’t let her get caught in the crossfire. I would never forgive myself if she got hurt because of me. This city is holding secrets that even I don’t know but what I do know is that I’m going to protect her no matter what happens.

May 5, 2022

The silence in the station made her feel nervous. It was five in the morning and no one was here which was unusual because usually the janitor was here to say good morning to her but nothing. Her heels clicked through the silence and before she entered the office she saw that her light was on making one of her hands go to her gun as she opened the door slowly. She took the gun out and pointed at the person but her eyes widened when she saw who was sitting in her office.

“Is that how you say hello to an old friend, Y/N?”

Her glared harden and her grip got tighter around the pistol, “What the fuck do you want, Taehyung?”

He let out a chuckle and moved towards her pushing her gun down to the floor, “I can’t see you, after all these years? This is how you treat me?”

“I should kill you but my morals stop me. Again what do you want?”

He took the gun out of her hand and put it on her desk as he leaned against the dark wood, “I wanted you to go to dinner with me. It's for the annual toy donation.”

She scoffed at this and shook her head, “Why would I ever go with you? After what you did-”

“Oh my god, you're still onto that. It was years ago.”

She turned her head at him and shook it with her eyes glaring at him, “You stabbed me and left me to die. What the hell do you want me to feel towards you?”

“I said I was sorry. It’s your fault for being there...but I’m sorry for stabbing you back then but you didn’t die.”

“Because Namjoon saved me while you were getting adopted you fucking asshole.”

“Can’t we fix our relationship, neh, Y/N?”

“Nothing can fix our relationship and the fact that you think you can is...its pure comedy. Why did you ask me for dinner? There’s a reason.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes and nodded his head, “Fine. The foundation wants you to come because they saw that you were one of the kids that they helped out years ago. I guess they want to congratulate you because you're the head detective or whatever.”

“See, you don’t give a shit about me. It just makes you look better. No, I won’t go, now get the fuck out.”

He scoffed at this but did what she wanted but before he could leave, he turned around and gave her a small smirk, “Word on the street is, Jimin’s been missing.”

“Don’t you ever say his name.”

“Feisty for your ex, now why is that? Could it be you love him still? How cute.”

She looked away for a second and then back at him with a glare, “Get out. I could arrest you for breaking in.”

“Oh but Y/N, you would never do that. I’m the son of Kim Jinyoung, the head of Waltz. You would look horrible. Have a good day.”

She watched him close the door and she scoffed at his words. She shook her head and put her gun back in her pants. She sat at her desk and she scoffed at the invention on her desk. She picked it up and ripped it up into small pieces. She rubbed her forehead roughly and opened her side cabinet to take out a bottle of whisky. Today is going to be long for her.

Hours later and she stayed in her office avoiding everyone because she wasn’t in the mood for anyone. Today she decided to go to Amber’s again and drink away the stress she had that day. Jungkook was in her office more since the day he went with her to the crime scene and she wasn’t bothered about it but she was curious why he was attached to her. The day flashed before her eyes and she found herself inside of Amber’s to see that it was empty. She glanced down at her watch with confusion to see it was seven at night, meaning it should be busy. She continued to walk through the emptiness with her gun out and ready just incase. She continued to make her way through the small bar until she heard voices and she hid behind a random closet that was slightly opened for her to hear.

“Listen, you need to tell her. She's been asking about you.”

She raised her eyebrow at this, Who is Yoongi talking to?

“I know...”

Her heart stopped at the familiar voice and she couldn’t stop herself from opening the door. She saw two men looking at her with shocked eyes but she couldn’t focus on the scene. Her eyes met his, who was looking at her with pure shock and guilt but she didn’t care about that right now. He looked the same as he did before but his attire was something she had never seen before. He was in a suit with leather gloves, she glanced down at what he was holding and saw black feathers in a clear bag.

She struggled to say anything but instead she brought her gun up to point at him. He shook his head and took out his gun to point at her now. They stared at each other and neither of them blinked in this moment. After everything they have been through, this is how it's going to end for them. Yoongi went in between them and pushed down their guns as he looked between them with wide eyes, “What the hell are you guys doing?”

“I should be asking the two of you that. What the hell are you doing with fucking black feathers, Jimin?”

Jimin let out a low chuckle and shrugged his shoulders, “You should know, officer.”

She brought her gun up as he just stood there looking at her with a smug look, “Yoongi...how long have you known?”

“He just told me tonight...”

She glared at him and her finger gently touched the trigger as he shook his head, “Your not even going to ask me anything?”

“What the hell do I need to ask? Your the fucking Black Swan thief.”

“Did you see the dolls?”

She put her gun down and stared at him with a confused look, “Why?”

“The Waltz Foundation isn’t good. You of all people should know that.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Where the hell were you? You’ve been missing-”

“Y/N, I don’t have time for this. I need you to know that I’m protecting you.”

Before she could say anything, Jimin ran out of the bar leaving her standing there in shock. She shook the shock off and went to run after him but Yoongi grabbed her wrist making her look at him with an annoyed look. “Yoongi, let go!”

“Let’s sit down.”

He brought her to the back table as she started shaking in the booth in anger but sadness at the same time, “Yoongi, I-I, what the hell is going on?”

He sat across from her and took a deep breath, “All Jimin told me is that he’s leaving you messages at each crime scene to figure out the big picture. I asked him why-”

“Jimin is a thief? That’s his job?”

“Technically yes but he’s more of a spy. I only found out this month when he came in with blood coming down his forehead.”

“Wait what? Blood? What happened?”

Yoongi rubbed his forehand and looked down at the table before looking back at her, “A month ago…”

It was two in the morning and Yoongi was finishing up his shift. He was going to hang out with Namjoon later that day to talk about the disappearance of Jimin and how Y/N was doing. He was worried for his two friends but he knew they could handle themselves just fine. He was putting up the final glass as he went in the back to lock up for the night. Before he could enter, the entrance door slammed open causing him to sigh at the unwelcome guest, “We’re closed!”

“Yoongi! I-I need he-help.”

He quickly whipped his head to see Jimin covering his head with a towel that was coated in blood as he stumbled to a table. It’s been a week since he heard from Jimin and he just assumed that it was because he needed a break because of the recent break up with Y/N. Yoongi didn’t get a chance to blink as he rushed to Jimin’s side, laying him down on the table. He gently moved the towel away from his head and his eyes widened again, “Jimin what the hell are you doing? Dude where have you been, it's been a week since I last heard from you.”

“A mission…”

He glared at him and let out a deep sigh, “What kind of mission are you doing to be this hurt?”

“The Waltz Foundation...”

“Why are you getting involved with them? You know how dangerous they are.”

Jimin let out a small cough and watched Yoongi wrap his head slowly, “They’re behind the killings of the sick kids and the homeless.”

Yoongi finished wrapping and stared at him with a shocked look, “What the hell are you talking about? Why would they do that?”

“I saw someone high up doing it.”

“Who?”

“Taehyung, he had a group of people around him and he ordered them to kill this homeless person because they wanted a new can of food. One of the guards saw me and hit me on the head, which is why I'm here now.”

Yoongi continued to stare at him and shook his head, “Do you have any evidence?”

“Not yet but...I think they're after Y/N.”

“Why would they be after Y/N?”

Jimin looked down at his hands with a frown and looked back at him with a sad look, “She was supposed to die when they gave her something when she was younger but she didn’t. They are after her now to complete it. I think their “gifts' ' are poisoned and killing these people but I don’t know why, yet.”

“That’s so bizarre. Why now?”

“I think it's Taehyung doing.”

Yoongi picked up the bloody towel and tossed it in the trash with annoyance. He turned back and shook his head at him, “Why would Taehyung have something to do with this?”

“He's going to become the next CEO for Waltz. I know they have a dark secret, trust me...please.”

Y/N stared at Yoongi and closed her eyes with no noise leaving her body. She opened them and looked at him with a sad look, “They... they tried killing me?”

“That’s what Jimin said...He told me he has evidence but he doesn’t know how to show you.”

“Why would anyone kill kids or the homeless...it doesn’t make sense and it's pure evil.”

Yoongi nodded his head in agreement and reached forward grabbing Y/N’s hand rubbing it gently, “I should’ve told you that Jimin came in a month ago but I...I didn’t want you to be a target or something. I couldn’t live with myself.”

She nodded her head and gave him a sad smile, “When I was younger...me and Namjoon went to a toy foundation thing that they had at one of their factories. It was the greatest day of my life because I was basically poor and living on the streets. I saw everything I ever wanted, every doll and toy that a child would beg their parents for on any given day but...one of the workers saw me and gave me this doll..the doll was special and it wasn’t like the other dolls they had there. This doll had bright white hair in pigtails and a pink dress with bows, he told me I was special and to treasure it forever. I kept it safe in a box under my bed because he was the first adult that ever said that to me..sad I know.”

Yoongi shook his head and continued to rub her hand with his thumb, “It’s not sad...trust me.”

She nodded her head and glanced away, “I was the only one that received a doll that day from a worker...I didn’t think much of it.”

“You were a kid, why would you?”

“I do remember that Namjoon said the factory was off putting.”

Yoongi raised his eyebrow at this and looked with curious eyes, “What do you mean?”

“There were people in white coats walking around with clipboards, watching us. It was strange but me and Namjoon kept away from their eyes just in case they did something. It was uncomfortable.”

“I can imagine that. Y/N, please don’t see Jimin as the bad guy here. He’s doing his best to protect you.”

“It's kinda hard when he pointed a gun at me but I...I’ll think about it.”

Jimin enters the factory breathing heavily and tosses the bag of feathers on the floor making Jungkook look up at him from the couch with a confused look, “Is everything alright?”

“No...Y/N, she saw me tonight.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he ran to him with shock, “That wasn’t the plan.”

“You don’t think I know that? Listen, we need to speed up this plan. In the jornal I stole from a guard, the next killing will be this Friday at noon. You need to take Y/N to the toy store for her to witness it. I think Taehyung is going to be there so, be careful.”

“I can tell her we should look at the stores that sell Waltz owns for dolls that are similar to the ones at the crime scene.”

“That will work...make sure you protect her, just in case.”

He nods his head and looks down at his feet, “Is there something I should be worried about when I arrive at the store?”

“Keep your eye out for guards. They know what Y/N looks like and will do anything to get her.”

October 13, 2021

Today was Jimin’s birthday and she forgot. How can she forget? She was his girlfriend for a year now and she forgot. In her defense, she has been busy with work with this Black Swan thief. It was hard to do anything that was involved with that. She turned her head to glance at Jimin who was sleeping deeply and sighed to herself. She felt horrible but then she thought of a great gift for him. Its been a month since they last had sex and she missed it and she knows he misses it too.

She pushed the blanket off of her and turned towards him to see him sleeping on his back now. He moved the blanket away from his body to expose his naked body (something that made Jimin feel free and she didn’t really care). She bit her lip as she looked him up down with a red face but she knew she couldn’t be shy right now. She felt herself heating up as she was met with his already erect cock laying against his abs. It was a sight for sure.

She reached out and ran his fingertips along the man's shaft before leaning down letting her tongue finally taste him. She carefully grasped the base and held it up enough to get her lips around the tip and suck it. She looked up at him when she heard some noises but felt better when he didn’t wake up. After a few sucks, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She pulled away her mouth, her lips with pre-cum and spit but she didn’t bother to wipe it away. She took off her pants and underwear gently and slowly, not wanting to wake him up.

She carefully climbed into his lap and straddled the man’s lap with a small smirk on her face. She can’t wait to see his face when he wakes up with her on top of him. She raised herself up slowly until she felt his tip hitting her wet hole. She slowly sat down on his dick and she tried to calm herself down from the feeling of being full, “Jimin...”

She whimpered aloud and looked down to see his face and it was clear that Jimin was still dreaming with the soft snores. She placed her hands on his stomach and slowly lifted her hips up and down. She repeated the movements and let little noises slip out her mouth. She was trying to go too slow and let him wake up in bliss but she couldn’t help it now. Her hips sped up and she began to lose herself on her own pleasure forgetting that this gift was for Jimin and not her.

It wasn’t until Y/N was bouncing on his with all her might that Jimin woke up and he woke up with wide eyes. He blinked his eyes slowly and looked her up and down with a smug look, “Well, well..look at you go.”

She almost didn’t hear him over her moans but she looked down to check if he was sleeping and was met with his smug look. She gave him a small smile and continued to move her hips, “Happy birthday Jimin...”

Jimin’s hips went up into her when he saw the innocent look on her face while she was riding him, which made him go crazy. His hands immediately went around her waist so he could hear her still and trust up, “This is my present?”

“I thought..mmm...I thought it was a good one.”

She let out a loud moan and her hips started to roll again to meet his thrusts.

“You’re doing so good, fuck.”

She continued to move her hips and Jimin’s hands reached behind to grope her ass as he leaned forward biting her neck gently, “Keep riding just like that.”

The room was filled with her small moans and it drove Jimin crazy, “Are you going to cum? Go ahead, cum.”

“Fuuuck, Jimin!”

“Fuck Y/N...”

The two let out deep breaths as she felt his cum inside her, causing her to feel warm on the inside. She let out a small laugh and leaned forward giving him a deep kiss. When she leaned away she gave him a smirk, “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Happy birthday to me indeed.”

May 6, 2021

Y/N sat in her office glancing at the pictures of the past crime scenes. She looked closely at each of them and made the conclusion that everything that Yoongi told her last night checked out. Whatever is happening in this city, the Waltz Foundation was the cause of it. The first crime scene she noticed that there was pink paint but you couldn’t see it unless you knew what you were looking for. The second crime scene had a check from the Waltz Foundation in the open and they didn't think much of it at the time. She leaned back in her chair with annoyance and glared at the roof. How is she going to trust Jimin? He lied to her for years and now Yoongi thinks she can just trust him like it was that easy. She understood when he said this but she felt like he wasn’t seeing her side of things. Then again it doesn’t matter when murder is innvoled.

Her door opened and she glanced at it to see Jungkook holding his small notebook and a smile on his face, “Jungkook? What do you need?”

“I was talking to the officers and they agreed with the idea of us going to the toy store down the street. Just to see if the doll we saw was there.”

She nodded her head at this and gave him a small smile, “That’s really smart Jungkook. When we go, we'll wear face masks. Just in case they recognized us from the police station.”

He nodded his head at this and realized this would make his job easier. The two headed out and the drive there was fast with conversation between the two flowing well. They placed the black masks and she looked at him to give him a small nod as he returned it. The two enter the store to see it somewhat busy and the two of them blend in perfectly. She walked around with Jungkook following her like a puppy. So far, she saw no doll that was familiar to the doll they saw at the crime scene. She continued to look but nothing.

She put her hands on her waist and turned towards Jungkook with her eyebrow furrowed, “I don’t see any similarities. That’s annoying...I really thought we were onto something.”

“Maybe at another store, I heard each store has unique toys that you can't find at others.”

She nodded her head and looked back at the elephant toy with a frown that no one could see, “I suppose.”

She glances outside the window with a blank expression as she takes a deep breath with her eyes close. When she opens them, her eyes widen at what she sees. Taehyung walked right past the windows with four guards behind him but something was off with him, even for Taehyung. She doesn’t waste time and starts to walk out with Jungkook following her slowly, knowing what happened. The two hide behind a wall that gives them the perfect view of Taehyung and his guards. She stared at him with a hard look and pulled down her mask to look at Jungkook, “That’s Taehyung, he’s next in line for the Waltz Foundation. Why is he in the back alley with his guards?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer but continues to stare with a concerned look. He heard stories from Jimin of what happens in the back alleys but he hoped this time was different for her sake.

“You really think you can pick whatever you want? What a selfish prick, you should be grateful for getting food in the first place. You don’t deserve to be alive especially since you can’t provide for yourself. You have to beg from others in order to live, pathetic.”

“Please sir, I’m-”

All of sudden there was a loud gun shot causing Y/N to jump at the sound and Jungkook continued to stare with a glare. The homeless man screamed out in agony and held his hand with blood covering his clothes. He starts crying and stares at Taehyung with a pleading look, “Please...I won’t do it again.”

“Your right, you won’t.”

Just then Taehyung took out a pistol and pointed at the man’s chest and pulled the trigger but his gun didn’t go off. He dropped the gun and covered his wrist as he hissed in pain. He turned towards his guards and then around the area, “Found whoever fucking shot me.”

Y/N and Jungkook run back inside the store trying to act normal the best they can. Y/N’s hands were shaking as she brought up a cute bear and Jungkook saw this. He took his phone and sent his location to the one person he knew could save them right now. The store door opened and they both glanced up to see the guards looking around and started walking towards them. Y/N’s heart started beating fast as she continued to stare at the bear. Jungkook wrapped his arm around her waist making her glance up at him with a confused look but he didn’t look at her.

“If you really want this, then I guess I’ll buy it for you. Babe, this is the last one though. You have enough at home.”

Her brain processed what Jungkook was doing and played along with him, “But it would look cute in my collection and it would be from you, making it special.”

“How about we go to lunch and think about it.”

Just as he said this the guards walked past to them to go further down. Y/N placed the bear back and intertwined her fingers with his, “I’ll like that.”

The two walked away normally but quickly made their way out when they were out of sight. The two stood in front of the store breathing heavy as Y/N clenched her chest, “That was good thinking, Jungkook.”

“Thanks...We should wait here. There’s something I need to tell you.”

She stops clenching her chest and looks at him with a raised eyebrow, “Jungkook what-”

“Y/N! Jungkook! Get in!”

She turned her head to see Jimin in his sleek black car that she was accustomed to but she looked back at Jungkook with a betrayed look, something that hurt him, “You know Jimin?”

He doesn’t say anything and grabs her hand and goes into the car as fast as they can. As they moved into the car she couldn’t stop staring at Jungkook with a shocked face, how does he know Jimin? Jimin starts driving the car in utter silence as Y/N stared outside the window. He kept glancing at her with a frown and knew this was going to be hard. He loved her with all his heart but in this moment he had to focus on his mission and he can’t let his emotions take over him in this moment.

“Was Taehyung there, Jungkook?”

“Yes, with four guards just like the journal said. He said the same thing about how the homeless person can’t provide for himself and has to beg.”

“I knew he was going to say that. Did he kill?”

Jungkook pulled out his phone and clicked on the camera app that let him look at the street cams anywhere. There was a dead body but one of the guards picked up the body and put it in the back of a van. Jungkook sighed and nodded his head, “Sadly Taehyung got to him.”

Y/N looked between the two with a confused look, “Taehyung killed before?”

“Yes, twenty times to be exact.”

She sat there and shudder at the thought of murdering someone and shook her head, “I know hes bad but he wouldn’t kill someone...right?”

Jimin glanced at her through his mirror and shook his head, “Taehyung is corrupted just like the foundation. He’ll do anything for power...remember that.”

“Jimin, what the hell is going on?”

“I’ll tell you everything when we get to my hideout.”

“What the fuck? Are you batman now?”

Jungkook chuckled at this as Jimin shook his head, “I’ll be your batman, catwoman.”

She scoffed at this and stared out the window with a frown. How could she miss murders? It was her job to protect people and she couldn’t even defend the people's rights. Taehyung has killed twenty times but that doesn’t mean that's it. He could have more under his belt and no one noticed it or even if they did what the hell could they do? Taehyung was the son of the Waltz Foundation and was next in line, if he got arrested...he would probably kill her if she ever did that.

The car stopped and she snapped out of her thoughts when she saw they were in a empty lot. She looked outside the window to see an abandoned factory that was in the worst condition. She looks back at Jimin to see that he was getting out of the car but she couldn’t do the same. She sat there and tried to process everything that just happened to her in the past week. What did she do in her past life to deserve this? As she sat in the back seat, Jimin came around and knocked on the window causing her to jump.

“Let’s go.”

As she got out, Jimin grabbed her wrist and headed inside the factory as Jungkook just watched with nervous eyes. He brought her in to sit on the couch as he stood in front of her Jungkook next to him. She continued to stare until she let out a sigh, “What the hell is going on?”

“That’s the million dollar question.”

“Jimin…”

He sighed and nodded his head, “You said I was hiding stuff from you. Truth be told, this is what I was hiding. A foundation that’s supposed to save lives is actually the weakest one to make room for more inventory. You were the only one that didn’t die and now they're going to end it.”

“Why did you rob all those houses?”

“To get you looking. Each house that I robbed were key people in the foundation. They gave the foundation a new list of people that would make them look good. They saw sick children as a ticket to become more rich and powerful.”

She nodded her head but she continued to glare at him, “Why did you leave behind the tapes and the dress up shit?”

“Taehyung invited you to a dinner, a special dinner for the foundation. You needed a pretty dress to comply with him. The tapes were small snippets of past dinners.”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“Y/N, I had to…”

“Everything we have is now gone, you realize that, right?”

Jimin shook his head at this and reached out to grab her hand but she pulled away before he could, “Y/N, you don’t do this.”

“How are you going to tell me that when you're the one that caused all of this separation!”

“I wanted-”

“Guys, I think we should talk about our personal affairs later. Right now we need to talk about the mission before someone else gets killed.”

Jimin and Y/N head whipped towards Jungkook and she actually forgot he was still there. Jimin cleared his throat and stood back up, standing next to Jungkook now.

“Right…the Waltz Foundation has been killing for years and it was flying under the radar because of who they were killing-” Jimin walked over to his desk and grabbed a folder handing it over for Y/N to read. She glanced at the folder and him but she took it. She opened it and her eyes widened at the list of people that have passed away, “They have this theory that if you are weak or poor then you shouldn’t be able to live but they can’t just take you out as simple as that.”

Jungkook cleared his throat and Y/N looked up at him, “They're doing it at random to keep suspicion low. They do it with botulinum toxin and the hospitals allow them to do it because well, they own them. They randomly select a child and go to that room to offer a toy and well, they die.”

Y/N blinked her eyes at this and sigh deeply, “That's evil but how do I play a part of this?”

“You were supposed to die when they gave you that doll but the worker protected you.”

“What do you mean?”

“The worker made sure to give you that doll because the doll is a limited collection. Not even the richest parents had it. He knew if he gave this doll, they wouldn’t kill you.”

“But why me?”

“Taehyung…he requested that you die after not killing you when he stabbed you. He felt like he failed by not doing so.”

Y/N slowly nodded her head at this and looked around the room trying her best to process everything. She looked back at Jimin and leaned forward, “You have evidence?”

“We have plenty of evidence. So much so, that it can land almost everyone in jail.”

“What now?”

“We will go to the foundation dinner together because a little birdie told me you were invited.”

She glanced at Jungkook with a glare as he looked away from her heated stare and looked back at Jimin, “I can’t wear the dress you sent me.”

“Don’t worry I have another dress for you, have some faith in me.”

She let out a small laugh and nodded her head, “How are we going to get them?”

May 7, 2022

It was the night of the dinner and Y/N stood in the factory with her arms crossed over her chest with Namjoon and Yoongi by her side. She was nervous but at the same time confident because she knew she was going to be with Jimin. Namjoon wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a small smile, “Everything is going to be alright.”

Yoongi leaned forward giving her his signature gummy smile making her feel at ease more, “Jimin is going to be there with you, remember that. He would never let someone hurt you.”

“He doesn’t need someone else to do it because he does it just fine.”

The two men glance at each other before looking back at Y/N with a worried glance, “Y/N for tonight don’t think of that.”

“Namjoon I know… it’s hard for me because I have to act fake with him.”

“Is it really you being fake?”

“Shut up Yoongi.”

Just then Jimin enters the room with Jungkook following him. She glanced down and noticed the dark green material in his hand and looked up to see him giving her a smile, “This dress isn’t like other dresses. This dress has bulletproof material just in case anything and I will be having gadgets as well. Tonight is when we expose the foundation to the media.”

Y/N nodded her head at this and took the dress from his hand, “How are you going to do that?”

“Hoseok, my partner in this, went undercover at a media place and will play the tapes of them killing. Before every foundation dinner, they play a video to remember all their achievements. Not this time.”

She took a deep breath and nodded her head again, “Okay…I guess let’s do this.”

The two walked out of Jimin’s black sleek car and saw the huge amount of people entering the hall. Everyone was dressed so elegantly and she wondered how many of them had blood on their hands. She smoothed out her skirt and wrapped her arm around Jimin’s arm and they started walking down the carpet. Flashing lights were everywhere but they ignored it making their way to the entrance.

She leaned towards his ear with an annoyed look, “This dress is so heavy to walk in.”

He smirked at this and leaned over her ear, “Sorry love, we had no choice. Protection is protection, remember that.”

She rolled her eyes and they entered the beautiful dining area. The amount of chandelier’s was enough to make any royal family feel ashamed. She tightened her grip when her eyes saw Taehyung, “Taehyung is at the head table…I was supposed to sit next to him.”

“Oh darling, I have a ticket for the back. Right in front of the exit, I planned out everything.”

She smiled at this and nodded her head. She watched as some couples were dancing in the middle. She smiled at how gracefully they were, maybe she was jealous of their skills or that they have a real partner instead of their ex partner. Jimin looked at what she was looking at and patted her hand gently, “Do you want to dance?”

“W-What!? Why would I-I want to dance?“

He didn't say anything and glided her to the dance floor making her hands feel sweaty. She wasn't much of a dancer and Jimin knew this but he always tried making her dance with him regardless of the situation. The couple started going back and forth, not moving much but enough to be considered dancing.

She looked up at him with a small smile, “This made me remember the night you took me out on a boat. We danced for hours and ate so much.”

Jimin laughed at this and leaned forward towards her eye, “Your also missing the main part love, we fucked until the sun came up.”

She felt a shiver down her back but she shook off with a fake laugh, “Anyways, we should head to our table. People are moving away.”

“Yes, dear.”

The two walked away and her chest was starting to hurt. The nerves of everything were starting to get to her at once. What would happen if something went wrong? When they sat down she chugged down her champagne making Jimin raise his eyebrow.

“Y/N what the hell?”

“I’m sorry, I’m nervous.”

“I know but fucking hell. Relax.”

She nodded her head and reached out to grab his hand. He felt this and gave her a gentle smile, he intertwined his fingers with hers and they stared at the front. She watched Taehyung walking up to the stage in his nice black suit. Taehyung cleared his throat and leaned forward to the microphone, “Welcome to the Waltz Foundation dinner, where we celebrate our yearly achievements. I am proud to say that this year had the biggest turn out with our donations so, thank you for that. Let’s watch the start of our foundation with my grandfather.”

He walked away and she glanced at Jimin who was staring at the screen. Just then a recording of Taehyung in the back alley showing him with a gun pointing at a person, “-You don’t deserve to be alive especially since you can’t provide for yourself. You have to beg from others in order to live, pathetic.”

Taehyung glanced at the crowd and saw Y/N and Jimin sitting in the back. He grabbed the guards arm and pointed towards them, “Fucking grab them.”

Just then a gunshot echoed through, making everyone gasp at the screen before them. All the cameras started going off as Taehyung rushed to the stage, “That was some action movie?”

He let out a awkward laugh but he knew no one was buying it. Just then Y/N’s officer came running onto the stage with their guns pointing at him, “Put your hands up!”

Taehyung scowled at this and did what he was told.Taehyung looked through the crowd and his eyes landed on Y/N who gave him a hard stare. No emotion in her eyes but she did feel her heart break a bit. Even though she hated him, he was part of her childhood. She watched him get arrested and she looked away as they went towards the rest of the table to arrest the rest of the family. Jimin grabbed her hand and they got up from the table.

Before they could head out, she heard footsteps behind her. She took a deep breath and turned around, kicking the guard onto the floor. Jimin took out his gun and shot the other guard in the knee making him fall. Y/N stared at the guard and then back to Taehyung. Even when he lost, he tried to take her down with him.

They headed outside of the hall and no one said anything to each other. The blue and red lights were glowing on their skins and she glanced at him to see that he was already looking at her. She felt her chest tighten but she couldn’t look away from him. After all the things they have been through, she knows she can’t be with him at the moment.

He grabbed her hand and gave a small smile. He leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the forehead, “I’m sorry for everything…but I needed to do this.

“That doesn’t make it okay Jimin…what am I going to do about the Black Swan case? I can’t just ignore that people will ask questions.”

“Not if you said you captured the thief.”

“What are-”

Jimin put his hands together and put them towards her looking at her, “Arrest me, Y/N.”

She glanced between his hands and his face but nothing came out of her mouth. The man that stood before her and gave her so much pain and happiness in her life. She loved him but making this decision would change her whole life. Even though he committed a crime, he can do no wrong in her eyes because in the end he saved so many lives. Something she couldn’t do. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on his lips and shook her head with tears coming down. This decision will change her forever.

He can do no wrong. No, he don’t need to try, made from the best. He passes all the tests. Got my heart beating fast, it’s cardiac arrest. He's from a different strain that science can't explain. I guess that's how he's made, In his D-D-D-DNA.

Tag list:

@belladaises @iknowyoualwaystae @vinylphwoar @mickmoon @delicateladypeach @bbl32 @arepabella @scuzmunkie

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts jungkook #bts imagines #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #bts taehyung #bts jimin #bts yoongi #bts x reader #bts hosoek #Bts #jimin x reader #bts jimin x reader #bts angst #bts smut #Spotify

100 notes · View notes

sapphire-weapon · 9 months

Note

Hey, I'm the original 25 y/o anon and respectfully, I feel that you may have misunderstood my ask. The comparison to narcissism is a bit uncalled for, though maybe that wasn't your intention. I don't 100% agree with everything you've said, but I do understand where you've come from. I do still firmly believe that no, there is no official timeline. That's silly in my eyes. Not everyone is handed the same deck with the same privileges, experiences and opportunities. Everybody also faces curveballs too and many of them. Does that mean that they can't achieve happiness and make the best of themselves, despite arriving later to things compared to their more privileged peers? No, of course not. I've done the work and proven that to myself this year. Despite the poverty and years of trauma, I'm finally going to college to study something I'm deeply passionate about and learning to value myself and seek out healthier relationships. I'm my own evidence to prove that life doesn't have to become jaded and meaningless, just because age may be unconventional accoridng to stereotypes and capitalism. With respect, I'm sure you weren't intending to invalidate others nor throw out insults! I'm sorry to hear about your friend and her issues with having children. That's a very unfortunate thing to happen to her and I hope she finds fulfilment elsewhere if necessary, I just wanted to clear up any misunderstandings if there were any and I wish you a wonderful weekend. I really enjoy your blog and RE takes + information! Thanks for taking so much time to answer questions for newer fans.

Also, just to add, I don't accept being painted as naive. My life has been LONG lol and I've learned a lot the hard way. I am an experienced adult, but I may have wrongly misinterpreted you too! No hard feelings at all, just clearing the air and I hope I haven't accidentally brought negativity to you or your ask box, it wasn't my intention. Just wanted to share my new found lease on life, which I think everyone is deserving of.

So, just as like a blanket statement: if I'm responding to an ask, I'm only directly addressing the asker. My "it's narcissistic" comment wasn't meant to retroactively apply to you -- only to the person who left the ask implying that having a worldview that's anything other than "you can do anything at any point" is pessimistic.

In truth, I don't know why you sent the original ask or what you were responding to, because I've long since made peace with where I'm at in life and the opportunities I've missed, which is why I only talked about the saying in a general sense instead of having a more pointed conversation.

The "no official timeline" thing is something that I think is good to have in the back of your mind when you're looking in retrospect/reflecting on your life. It's not a good thing to carry around with you pre-emptively. "So you got to shit later than society thinks is normal lmao w/e who cares, you did the thing and that's what matters" is way different from "You don't have to do this right now, fuck it, there's no official timeline" -- and the latter is the mindset that I was addressing. It does encourage learned helplessness by reinforcing someone's avoidant tendencies. That's why I don't like people reaching for that as a platitude by default.

And that's also why I made it a point to say I was using a generalized, ubiquitous "you" in my response to your original ask -- because I don't know your story, so I wasn't responding/can't respond to your situation specifically. All I could do/did do was respond to the impulse to tell someone "don't worry about it, you don't need to do a thing right now."

My response to that will always be: If not now, when? And if there's actual barriers to entry for a thing, my follow-up question will be: Are you making a good faith effort to break through those barriers, or are you just building up a wall of excuses that you can hide behind and feel safe?

I will always encourage someone to act rather than wait, because I have watched too many dreams fall apart and had too many friends get saddled with regret as a result.

I don't really wanna eat up any more real estate on my blog with this stuff, though.

3 notes · View notes

guaxinimraccoon · 3 years

Text

jesus christ why-

oh mY DEAR GOD-

FIRST OF ALL I'm SO sorry for taking so damn long to answer those, I've been really really busy and I'm very sorry, I'm doing my best to answer everybody ; o ;

BUT FINALLY let's talk about our big last Euphoria reveal (about four months ago but ok-), where I showed you guys that Alex is Brad's father and Elisa is Toby's mom.

"BUT GUAX WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? HOW?? WHEN??? WHERE??"

SHUSH , CALM YOUR TITS DOWN and let me explain:

Ok, so I'll be putting some links here and there because yes, Alex and Elisa's story is very, VERY connected to Brad and Toby's.

And get ready for a veeeeeeeeeeeeery long post. You were warned.

As you all already know, Alex and Elisa had a troublesome meeting, but eventually got closer to each other, they fell in love yadda yadda yadda BUT their will to get closer to each other, in other words, their relationship brought HUGE consequences.

Yes, they did manage to build a healthy relationship, they were happy, they were fine.

But they were also adults, adults that wanted something serious and concrete, they couldn't spend the rest of their lives as forbbiden lovers.

So Elisa did something literally illegal. She did a potion that was forbidden by the Colony authorities - a shrunken potion - to get closer to Alex.

Those potions were never developed, they're rustic and really antique, so they could do more harm than good or not work at all.

But Alex didn't care, he took the risk and drank the potion to get closer to his girl, the woman that was the love of his life.

The effect of the potion is temporary, so Alex would drink them from time to time whenever he had the opportunity to visit the Colony, spend some time with Elisa and, of course, be a part of her life.

He wasn't just trying to "be like her", he was also trying to be a part of her home. He made friends with her friends, he met her family, he met new imps, new fairies, all of it under his "imp disguise". He even fought for the Colony at it's war times (that is lasting till the current story time). He EVEN presented himself with a more “impish name” - Turk - to make sure people wouldn’t suspect anything.

Of course, people eventually started to ask why didn’t he live in the Colony with Elisa, why did he only showed up from time to time. Alex and Elisa lied, obviously, they told everyone that Alex belonged to a secluded imp tribe that lived walking around the forest as nomads, which made sense since those types of imp communities do exist.

ANYWAY THE POINT IS Alex grew affectioned of those people and with their lifestyle. He started to feel like he was one of them.

And, of course, he was now closer than he ever was to Elisa.

Since they were different species, they never worried about having kids. I’ve never said this before but Alex is a doctor, he knows about this stuff, so he always made sure to reassure Elisa that "they were their own condon" and, as sad as it may sound, they couldn't have kids.

... Or so Alex thought.

You know how tigers and lions can have offspring together? Yeah, it's the same thing.

It's very hard to happen, but they spent YEARS together if you know what I mean so yeah

That's how Alex and Elisa gave birth to their first child: Tobias, the only one of a specie that is a mix between human and imp.

His parents were really worried at first, afterall, they new NOTHING about Toby's condition. They didn't know if he was going to grow as large as a human or if he'd assume imp proportions forever. After some research with his son's blood, Alex found out that Toby was indeed half human and half imp, but he was predominantly physically an imp. That means his biological features are, mostly, imp like: he'd hardly grow as large as a human through his life's course and could live as a normal imp in the Colony. The fact that he showed talent for magic (once he was old enough to do so) and was able to do it just like any other imp in the Colony also made things easier.

Elisa and Alex chose to raise Toby in the Colony, they believed it’d be healthier and safer for him (especially after some events that I’ll be talking about in other posts), although it hurt Alex to pretend that he was an imp to his son and that he couldn’t see him everyday.

Even if they couldn’t see each other everyday, Alex and Toby were very close. Toby loved his daddy very much and was very attached to him.

After five years after Toby was born, Elisa got pregnant again and gave birth to their second child: Bernardo (that’d eventually be nicknamed as “Brad”), one of the two only beings of the specie Alex and Elisa accidently created together.

For preucation, Alex took a bit of Brad’s blood and made some research, just like he did to Toby.

And what he found out wasn’t exactly... relieving.

Brad, just like Toby, was half human and half imp, but he had expressed mostly human features in his physical body. He was as small as a baby imp now, but it was a matter of time until he started to grow very VERY large.

Unlike Toby, Brad couldn’t live as an imp in the Colony and things got very complicated for them.

Alex wanted to leave. He told Elisa the Colony’s community would NEVER accept their youngest, they would never accept Alex and probably wouldn’t accept Toby either. They had to leave that place before they couldn’t hide the truth anymore, even if it cost revealing Toby, a five year old child, that most of his life was a lie.

But Elisa was hesitant. She didn’t want to leave her home, her parents, her friends. She knew Alex was right, they couldn’t stand that play for too long, but how to leave everything she had built behind? How to leave everything she knew as home behind? It wasn’t that easy.

Until something very bad happened.

Remember I said Alex made a few friends in the Colony? So, one of them was Stefan, a experienced fairy soldier that had known Elisa for as long as she was alive. He was pretty much her best friend (even if he was old enough to be her father) and now he was also great friends with Alex.

Stefan is important here. He has a very tragic backstory involving humans. He lost pretty much everything to them: his whole family and his wings, something that meant more than just flying to him.

So, as expected, he hates humans and truly believes that they are nothing more than monsters that try to manipulate you and to get advantage from imp’s and fairy’s magic.

After some years, he started to get very suspicious over Alex. Some things weren’t making any sense anymore and that “nomad imp community” was starting to sound way more like an excuse than the actual truth. He simply didn’t understand what was stopping him to live with Elisa and his sons for once.

So he did some investigation. One day, he followed Alex (that he knew as Turk) out of the Colony, in one of the days he had only come to visit his family. Alex had said earlier that he had to “go back to his own society”. Yeah, right. Stefan was hiding the whole time and followed Alex till a good distane from the Colony’s limits.

And he didn’t get exaclty happy to see his best friend growing impossibly huge out of nowhere.

Stefan now knew the truth: Alex was pretending to be an imp using shrinking potions. He didn’t belong to any nomad imp group, he was a human that lived in his own house and was coming to the Colony to play family with them.

Of course, he didn’t only felt betrayed, but pissed as fuck. Stefan didn’t waste any time: as soon as Alex came back to the Colony he confronted him. Alex tried to explain himself, but they only argued and ended up having a pretty bad fight.

In anger, Stefan didn’t want to hear no more explanations, so he told some of the Colony’s high authorities about Alex’s lies and that they had to do something about it.

The Colony’s Council decided to call Elisa and solve things between imps and fairies only. But they showed her no mercy.

They basically gave her two options: or she’d prove her loyalty to the Colony and would kill her husband and her human son, or the Colony would sentence all of them to death penalty, including Toby and Brad, children that they claimed should have never been born.

Elisa was in shatters. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t kill the man she loved and her baby child, she just couldn’t. She was about to accept the second option, rathering die with her family than killing them, but Stefan decided to help her out.

He wasn’t expecting the Council to be so cruel and he started to regret his decisions the moment he saw how Elisa was worried about her family and how much she loved them, even if they were human. He hated Alex and Brad, but seeing Elisa in excruciating pain over them was impossible for him, so he made up a plan with her to save everybody.

It cost Elisa to trust Stefan, he had told their secrets to the worst people possible, but she had no option aside from accepting his help and following his plan.

The plan was simple: Elisa would tell the Council she’d kill Alex and Brad and would tell Alex that she had changed her mind and that they should leave the Colony as soon as possible now that Stefan knew the truth.

Alex believed her and, after Stefan’s confirmation, so the Council did. The next step was to take Alex and Brad to the Colony’s limits, pretending they were about to leave.

Then it happened.

Elisa made, with Stefan’s help, a huge barrier on the Colony’s frontier that didn’t allowed humans to cross it. It was basically a security method that they never thought it’d be necessary.

But now it was and it wasn’t meant to protect the ones inside the Colony...

Of course, Alex didn’t understand SHIT.

He spent MONTHS returning to the Colony in his shrinking form, trying to find a way to cross the barrier and to get Toby back.

Or to talk to Elisa.

Or to understand.

Or anything.

He just wanted his family.

Eventually, his potions ended and he was left to raise Brad on his own and to never see his wife and oldest son again.

Since then, he hates Elisa. Or at least thinks he does. He’s just deeply mad at her, he doesn’t understand why she left them.

He did everything for her. Denyed his own race, submitted himself to the dangerous effects of a extremely nocive potion which he faces the consequences till this day, did his fucking best to be the best father and husband his family could have-

All this love, all this effort, all this sweat and blood

Wasted.

It took years for him to fully recover. Aside from the health problems the abusive use of the shrinking potions brought, he also became alcohoolic. Because he wasn’t mentally estable enough, neither to take care of himself and of his very very small son, he went to live in his parents house. His family knew about Elisa and the children they had together, his folks actually liked her a lot so it saddened them as well that she simply abandoned Alex and Brad and that they would never see Toby again.

His family didn’t had to worry about Brad’s very little size for too long though, before he was one year old he had already reached his human size.

Anyway, Alex’s family gave him a huge help until he was healthy enough to take care of Brad, the only one left from the family he built.

Back to Elisa, she didn’t told Alex her plan because she KNEW he wouldn’t want to do it. She simply knew Alex would be too stubborn. He’d have wanted to try to escape or to face the Council. Both alternatives would get them all killed.

Toby didn’t understand why his mother did what she did. He was forced to go back home with her, screaming the whole time, saying that they left his father and brother behind while Elisa was crying endelessly.

Stefan came to them eventually and calmed Toby down. His heart broke when he saw Elisa. She was... not okay.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to assist her. He immediatly went to a representent of the Council and took them to Elisa and to the Colony’s frontier to prove that she had done it and did even more than she was suppose to. Of course, not without consequences to her sanity, she had just killed her husband and baby, of course she was in pain.

Nevertheless, the Council confirmed Elisa had done her part and left to leave her alone with the child they let live.

After that, Toby spent weeks returning to that spot of the frontier to look for his dad and brother. No sucess.

As time went by, he eventually forgot about Brad, he was very young when they tore apart and Elisa and Stefan never talked about him nor Alex. All he can remember is that there was a baby in the middle of that mess, but he can’t relate to it.

He kept the memories of his father though, who was closer to him, and till this day he believes he’s alive somewhere and that he can be found. But he has no idea he’s a human and has no idea of his own true nature.

Elisa and Alex miss their respective sons deeply and think about them everyday. They also miss each other very much and the first months after the incident were terribly agonizing for the both of them.

They kept going for the child that had remained for the both of them and raised them apart from each other. Alex never told Brad what happened and so Elisa did to Toby. Like that, none of the brothers knew about the existence of each other.

Until the day Toby was sent, coincidentally, to his “little” brother’s house

And none of them has no idea of this fucking long backstory I just spent four months writing :)

enjoy

1K notes · View notes

destinygoldenstar · 2 years

Text

How Mikey Is An Example Of An Abused Child (Analyzing ‘Streamer Caught Cheating’) (Also explaining Mikey as a character)

Guys...

I want to actually tell you something.

Having a healthy childhood, is VERY important.

Childhood is exploring the world for the first time, figuring out who you are, and being immersed with life in a youthful perspective.

A healthy childhood is helping kids feel safe and loved in the world around them, and encouraged that they can do anything.

The most common way healthy childhoods are sprung is from good parents. Parents who help nurture their children’s curiosity, wants and desires, while also being there to teach them about dangers, morality, and humbleness.

That is not what Mikey has.

I said this before, but I actually have to admit, Mikey is the most tolerable character in the ENTIRE Dhar Mann universe. Now, he’s NOT a good kid, but he has the most characterization out of anyone, and it seems like Dhar Mann isn’t even trying to give him any substance whatsoever!

Every time I see a vid with Mikey in it, I’m supposed to expect only one thing of him, according to Dhar Mann: That he’s a BAD kid.

Mikey is a BAD KID, for NO REASON, and NOBODY is to blame for his bad behavior, but himself. He is IRREDEEMABLE. And we’re supposed to CHEER every time he gets PUNISHED.

And EVERY TIME in these videos...

I DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY.

I DON’T CHEER FOR MIKEY GETTING PUNISHED, I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.

I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO.

And that ALONE, shows just how DISGUSTING Dhar Mann’s mindset is on children. HIS TARGET AUDIENCE. And every time children are a major focus in the vids, you can bet real well that Mikey is the antagonist. And if he’s not, the other kids have the exact same behavior as him.

Here’s how the formula works: Child wants to do something, they get bashed for attempting that something because of society’s expectations, child tries to find their own way around that to meet such expectations, the adults do the exact same cheating thing to expose the kid, they don’t get called out, the child gets ALL the punishment, and they’re treated as irredeemable MONSTERS who don’t commit to society.

And half the time, it’s always Mikey playing the role of the bad kid.

This character has been used so much, to the point where I think Mikey is the textbook example of why I think Dhar Mann is such a bad influence to people.

Rather than change lives, (like you CLAIM you’re doing), by being real about the world and granting perspectives about certain situations, Dhar Mann instead portrays the world as a black and white Dhar Dhar worship factory where you should commit to society, get straight As, give up everything you love, make absolutely no mistakes, never do anything your own way, and if you even SLIGHTLY consider doing otherwise, you’re an irredeemable bastard.

This leads to a ton of irresponsible messages Dhar Mann grants to children about the world. Vids that encourage racism, sexism, fatphobia, believing people’s words to a pulp, unhealthy relationships, peer pressure, overly high expectations, that money is everything, that social media is everything, stealing, scamming, and MOST OF ALL, believing that life is as simple as making a cake for someone on their birthday.

Now, this THIRTY MINUTE LONG VIDEO: “Streamer Is Caught Cheating” I think, perfectly EXPOSES why exactly I feel the same way about Mikey.

And that is: “Man, this kid’s life is awful, he deserves better treatment than this.”

And when that’s NOT Dhar Mann’s intention with the character, then there’s automatically something wrong.

If a character is portrayed as something you don’t intend them to be to your audience, then that character’s writing is automatically garbage.

But that’s besides the point.

Point is... this video just... BROKE ME.

Like, it just DID.

So I want to focus LESS on the actual video, and more so on Mikey as a character. I made a post before explaining Mikey, but here, there’s even more to talk about.

I will also sprinkle in the previous Mikey videos, to further expose what I’m talking about.

So let’s EXPOSE the ACTUAL life of Mikey, from what I’ve learned in his videos.

1: It’s A Black And White World (Good kid, Bad kid, No Grey kid)

It’s a tale as old as time.

One of the most common story tropes for children, is to portray what is right and what is wrong through them. Also what’s common is that there will be two kids, one does the right thing, and the other does the wrong thing.

Now, that sounds fine on paper, but it’s really all in execution.

But let me say something about this: Right and Wrong for each kid does NOT automatically prove that one kid is good and virtuous, and another kid is a bad and awful brat.

Dhar Mann thinks that it does.

In EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO. There’s ALWAYS a good guy and a bad guy. No in between. The good guys do everything 100% right and have 0 flaws. They commit to society, are incredible at work, and love and support everything unconditionally. The bad guys are bad, and have ZERO redeemable traits. They have no reason to be bad other than... they’re bad. They do things their own way, are self absorbed, and are treated like devils.

In between? A complex character? Pfft.

I already said how I feel about this in my nerd gets revenge on bully post, so I might as well repeat it here.

“Dhar Mann doesn’t write bullies as though they’re people, he writes bullies as though they’re devils. It would be fine if he wasn’t trying to make his videos relatable, but he is, and that’s why it doesn’t work. NOBODY is going to relate to these bully characters or recognize that they might potentially be like them, because they are unidentifiable to the audience.“

I wouldn’t mind this trope being used all the time IF the corniness was INTENTIONAL.

But it’s NOT.

We’re supposed to see ourselves in these scenarios and learn about the world from these videos.

And if THIS is how Dhar Mann portrays the world, then he REALLY has it messed up on what the morality is supposed to be!

Even then, the morality is incredibly questionable. These SHOULD be easy! Never judge a book by it’s cover. Work hard for your dreams and goals. Be kind and virtuous.

Yet SOMEHOW, Dhar Mann twists those morals on their heads and make them even more unrealistic, by having his ‘good guys’ do the EXACT bad things the bad guys do, just to punish the bad guys, and yet somehow the good guys get away with it. OR, the good guys just tell a tragic backstory to bad guys, or give them money, and the bad guy automatically stops being bad.

So I guess what you need to escape punishment is to be the protagonist I guess.

Except we’re all the protagonists of our own stories, so...

I guess Dhar Mann believes protagonists can’t do anything wrong. So he writes the bad guys as doing nothing but wrong things, and this is exactly how Dhar Mann tries to make you cheer for the bad guys getting punished to the max. He gives the bad guys zero redeemable traits and makes them spoiled entitled brats. Because if the audience can’t identify with the bad guys, they can’t route for them!

It’s a tactic that allures his entire fanbase, and toxically makes them believe that teaching bad guys a lesson is super easy and obvious. Like, it’s extremely obvious to not identify with a bad person.

This is EXACTLY how Bojack Horseman was portrayed, because Bojack is a bad person with zero redeemable traits, and is punished and ditched for it constantly!

50% of that was sarcasm, by the way, but Bojack is a bad person. But there, the writers made him act like a legit person. They made him feel real, and didn’t go over the top with his bad actions. That’s exactly how Bojack Horseman was able to identify with a ton of people despite them knowing that this is NOT someone we should see as a role model in any way.

And it’s all the same thing with Mikey, and the rest of his family. Mikey is portrayed as the bad guy in every single one of these videos, and the rest of his family do the exact bad things, but get away with it, and Mikey is punished to the million.

We’re supposed to DESPISE Mikey as a character. Dhar Mann wants us to HATE this CHILD, and want to see him get his comeuppance over and over again. Like, “Oh, this 12 year old never learns a thing! Isn’t he the devil?!”

No. He’s not.

Because completely by accident, Dhar Mann has exposed some explanation to Mikey’s behavior. I guess the more you use the character, the more insight you get on their life.

Dang it Dhar Mann, if you really wanted Mikey to be a shallow one dimensional piece of garbage, you should have just changed the names of the character the actor plays so that nothing adds up! That’s what you do with nearly every other actor’s character! What’s the difference here?

And here’s the exposure of what I could gather from the Mikey vids.

2: Mikey’s School Status

For those who somehow don’t know, about 70% of the Mikey videos are about school. Or rather, how much he hates it.

Now everybody hates school, including myself, because it’s such an unfair system.

And from all these videos, we can assume one thing: Mikey hates school.

He finds it to be boring, and a waste of time for him, as the things they’re making him do don’t give him any sort of pleasure.

From what we can tell from this school, Mikey has a lot of high expectations placed upon him in school, none of which he cares about. He gets bad grades:

”I got an F. Again.”

He’s expected to run a whole mile or two every day, even though he’s twelve. The teachers give tests every day, or most of them anyway, and bait their kids into rewards ONLY if they get As. As are severely important and expected of children, otherwise they are deemed failures.

Like, if kids don’t get As, then they have failed being people.

They teach these (I’m assuming) SIXTH GRADERS, ALGEBRA, AND GEOMETRY, DAILY!!!

The idea that Jayden is shown NEVER struggling or complaining about this system is HYSTERICAL.

Somehow, Mikey is the only one who openly complains about how badly he resents his school. He never wants to take the tests “Because they’re boring and hard”, and like WOW, isn’t he just a brat?

No. I don’t think Mikey is a brat for resenting tests so much, I think this is a very appropriate opinion to tests, and even if I loved tests, I’d still probably see where he’s coming from. He’s a kid, with a ton of placement and pressure on him. Pressure that, at the end of the day, isn’t gonna benefit him.

His parents also heavily expect their kids to be straight A students and love school to a pulp. I’ll talk about Mikey’s parents later, but part of that is because his parents are of high privilege in the job department. The mom is a doctor, as proven in the “Kid fakes allergy” video, AND mentioned in the “Kid makes fake sick note” video. And the dad... I don’t think it was ever made clear what the dad’s job was, actually. As if the time of this post. Correct me if I’m wrong about that.

On top of that, Mikey’s teacher, Mr Wilson HATES IT when kids aren’t there for tests, so he postpones them as long as possible up to the day all the kids are here. Not sure if that’s legal, but okay. He also makes fake websites to expose cheater. Again, is that legal? But that’s besides the point.

Despite the smile, Mr Wilson appears to be a VERY strict teacher. Whether or not he does legal stuff is another topic, but case and point, he doesn’t mess around and always expects kids to get in line and not complain. If he wants them to run a mile, he expects them to run a mile with no problem. If the kid complains about running a mile, he’ll make them do two.

I’m not against running, it’s healthy. BUT THEY’RE KIDS. THEY CAN’T RUN THAT FAR!

My middle school only expected us to make a quarter of a mile, which I personally loved and wanted to do more of, but other kids hated it and considered it to be too much for their tiny bodies.

So YES, being in a highly demanding school is a part of what makes Mikey want to get away from it and feel some pleasure. The school keeps him cooped up from the real world so much, that he doesn’t want to be trapped anymore.

That’s a part of why he tries to escape schoolwork so much, faking being sick, making fake notes, etc. That’s also a part of why he constantly tries to cheat on his exams, because he finds them boring and useless, and he’s pressured to do it perfectly. But since studying brings him hardships and discomfort, why not cheat? It’s a method that looks like he could meet their expectations, just not the way they want him to do it.

“You have to do things the right way!”

There’s more context as to why Mikey cheats than this, but for now, I want to divert attention to another aspect to Mikey. If he thinks school is so unbeneficial, than what does he desire instead?

3: Mikey’s Dreams

This new video actually perfectly answers this.

This may be obvious, but Mikey is a huge gamer. Nearly every video, he’s seen wanting to play some sort of video game. He has an iPad, his own computer, and in the “Kid cheats on final exam” video, he asks his mom for a PS5, AND in this video, he wants an oculus. But his mom won’t buy him one because he’s grounded... FOR A WHOLE YEAR?!!!!

I’m getting ahead of myself.

With that in mind, you may say he’s a gaming prodigy, right?

That is, until this recent video deconfirming that by saying Mikey hates Minecraft, and he sucks at it.

“Minecraft? Bro... that game’s for babies”

“You suck at Minecraft!”

“What is the best way to beat a Zombie Pigman?”

“Okay, now you’re just making things up!”

Even though in the Sick Note video, Mikey brought an iPad to play Minecraft with his friend at the mall. And he got Minecraft taken away in that video, implying he plays it a lot.

But since when should Dhar Mann want me to care about a Plot Hole?!

But yeah, like I said, Mikey loves gaming. It’s basically his sense of escapism from school and it’s pressure. He’d much rather grind for gaming than do schoolwork, as shown in the “Kid cheats on final exam” vid, the “Kid fakes being sick” vid, the “Kid makes fake sick note” vid, and especially this vid.

Whether or not he’s good at it, bottom line is, it brings him comfort.

And also in this vid, it’s shown that Mikey wants to make a living out of gaming, starting Twitch, streaming, and making money to expand his gaming horizons.

But of course, next to no one approves of that because school is supposed to be his FUTURE and his LIFE.

It’s not only gaming, there’s also a dream involving Basketball Playing. We’ve never seen Mikey play basketball on screen, but in the sick note video, it’s said that he and his friends are on a basketball team in school. He becomes extremely enthusiastic about this tournament they’re having, and even that he works hard to get good at the sport.

He has his own passions that he wants to achieve, but just lacks the understanding of what he’s doing, as it all sounds like gibberish to him. Mikey’s major flaw is that he doesn’t understand A grade level knowledge on his passions, and he doesn’t even try to understand it, rather he tries to do his own thing. This is a flaw explained COUNTLESS times in these vids.

OH YEAH, and one more thing mentioned in this vid, as to where Mikey got the idea from to use his brother for his own gain?

His friends say that DREAM only does the commentary, and he pays someone to actually play the game.

Yep, Dhar Mann is dumping on popular streamers now. Okay.

But point is, school doesn’t provide Mikey with the nurture he needs, nor do they seem to support his actual dreams and passions.

But if it’s not the parents, and not the school, who inspired him to chase this?

4: The Dhar Mann Elephant In The Room

Dhar Mann exists in the Dhar Mann universe. Yes, I know, how noble.

In the Dhar Mann universe, Dhar Mann is the single most influential person in the entire world. The god of their world, and the hero and mentor figure of the whole world. Everyone, except for the bad guys, WORSHIPS Dhar Mann.

“You’re Dhar Mann, everybody loves you!”

Written by Dhar Mann himself.

And as seen in the “Kid fakes being sick” video, Dhar Mann is actually Mikey’s favorite YouTuber, and he watches him constantly. And in the “Kid sneaks candy into the movie theater” video, Mikey is desperate to see Dhar Mann’s movie.

So if Dhar Mann really is such a great morally correct person who exposes good morality in his videos, you’d think Mikey would turn out better, right?

Because let’s face it from this information alone, Dhar Mann is basically Mikey’s ONLY moral compass. From the countless videos Dhar Mann has made about people becoming successful through gaming, sports, and other junk, that would obviously have an affect on his viewers. Dhar Mann gives such a shallow perspective on how the world works, that Mikey would assume that’s true, consider himself a protagonist, and believe that following his dreams is as easy as Dhar Mann makes it seem.

That makes the most logical sense anyway.

See? Even IN UNIVERSE, Dhar Mann has a bad influence on kids.

But if this is the case, not only is Dhar Mann Mikey’s moral compass, but Dhar Mann is Mikey’s ONLY moral compass. I already talked about how school only wanted to pressure Mikey, but what about Mikey’s family? Surely THEY grant a moral compass for Mikey, right?

No. Absolutely not.

5: Jayden (And Owen I guess)

So from what we’ve seen so far, Mikey has two brothers. An older brother named Owen, and a younger brother named Jayden.

Or, is Jayden Mikey’s twin? Because they’re in the same class?? I dunno, that’s never made clear. I just assume Jayden is younger because he looks younger, and is just some prodigy or something.

And Owen is out of the house in college, leaving only Mikey, Jayden, and his mom. His dad? I’ll talk about him later.

Let’s start with Jayden.

He’s the ‘good kid’ of the family. He’s adorable, he’s smart, he’s sweet, he gets perfect scores on everything, and he does next to NOTHING wrong.

It’s because of this, that the family CLEARLY favors Jayden over every other child. Thus, Jayden is NEVER blamed for ANYTHING, and keeps getting rewarded for his good behavior. He DOES actually keep secrets from his family, BUT he never gets punished for that because everyone loves him.

It’s because of this perfectionism Jayden seems to have, and how much Jayden is rewarded, that Mikey heavily resents his brother. This is made ESPECIALLY true in this most recent video, where Jayden is SO good at gaming, grades, and is gullible, that Mikey decides to take advantage of his brother and use him for Twitch Streaming. By using Jayden’s gameplay instead of his own.

He is obviously exposed for doing this, causing THE WHOLE WORLD TO HATE MIKEY. (Good lord Dhar Mann, CHILL OUT) And ONCE AGAIN, Jayden is REWARDED for his goody two shoes behavior, leaving Jayden to get ALL the love and gifts, and Mikey gets NOTHING.

Jayden even tries to offer Mikey to play with him after everything, but the mom teaches Jayden “No. Do Not share ANYTHING with your brother. He deserves nothing, you deserve everything!”

So yes. Jayden is spoiled. Whether or not he’s also a schemer from the countless times he’s known about Mikey’s schemes but never exposed them, or if he’s involved in the scamming the adults do for his own gain, is all just a theory for now. We can’t confirm exactly if that’s the case. If Jayden IS involved, then that not only contradicts ‘what happens in the dark always comes to light’, but that also proves Jayden is spoiled and was taught to commit to society, and was influenced by these awful adults to hate on his brother. If Jayden is NOT involved, then that only means that he too, is a victim of this universe’s abuse on children. He commits to their expectations, because he knows what kind of punishments he’ll get otherwise. It’s ONLY where he meets their expectations, does he actually get loved and praised by the adults. If he were to try anything different, he’d end up like Mikey.

But I DO actually want to correct something I said in a previous post about Jayden, that doesn’t hold up now.

I said: “ and they say Jayden is 'the nice kid' but if he actually was responsible and a good brother, he'd put in the effort to help Mikey through his school dilemmas. “

While offering Mikey help and guidance through his school issues and trying to understand Mikey would have been great, I kinda have to acknowledge that I was kind of wrong when I said Jayden doesn’t try to help Mikey.

That’s not the issue in their relationship.

Jayden DOES try to help Mikey, BUT, he tries to help Mikey in the traditional society school way, a way that Mikey doesn’t comprehend well, and thus his efforts to help Mikey come off more as either gibberish or demands to Mikey. And from Jayden’s exposure of being a goody two shoes child everyone loves, why would anyone need to teach Jayden that sometimes you have to change your helping methods to help certain people? His parents didn’t teach him that, his school didn’t teach him that, they just taught him one way, and thus Jayden is only gonna be able to help people in one way.

And APPARANTLY, if Mikey doesn’t get the message, it’s Mikey’s fault, NOT Jayden’s. According to Dhar Mann.

Gosh forbid we have character flaws in an adorable child.

Then there’s Mikey’s relationship with Jayden.

Like I said, Mikey hates his brother.

In this video, that’s made EXPLICITLY clear just how much Mikey hates his brother, for just how easy and loving Jayden seems to have things.

“You sound like my math teacher, because half the time, I don’t even know what you’re saying.”

“No offense, but the last thing I’d wanna do, is hang out with you and your lame friends.”

“Just my younger brother, so annoying.”

“In order to be in front of the camera, you gotta have personality! Sadly, you don’t have one.”

And that’s just from this ONE VIDEO.

And like I said, part of Mikey’ resentment is through Jayden’s good boy attitude, from how much his parents love Jayden and clearly favor him, and also from how much Jayden tries to push him into doing things “the right way”.

But the big one, for me, has to do with how the parents view both Mikey and Jayden. Jayden clearly gets all the love and praise, and NOT ONCE, is Mikey shown to get that same amount of love and respect, if he gets any AT ALL.

Obviously, jealousy could arise from this, and cause Mikey to hate Jayden for receiving the love and support Mikey doesn’t have, but wants.

Then there’s Owen. The older brother in college.

At the time of this post, there’s only one video Owen has appeared in. But from that video alone, Mikey and Owen’s relationship is made explicitly clear.

If anyone in Mikey’s life is as close of an influence on him as Dhar Mann, it’s Owen.

Owen is never home now, from his college, but he still puts in effort to be there for his brother, Mikey. From what we can tell, the parents do not approve of Owen’s lifestyle, and disown him after sneaking candy into a movie theater, and investing in Crypto. Wow, how evil...

But regardless, Owen doesn’t let that get him down, and he sticks to his guts on what he can do. Especially for his brother Mikey. This man goes out of his way to make any attempt necessary, just to spend a perfect movie night with Mikey, for his birthday. And when he gets kicked out of the theater for sneaking candy, he’s naturally upset, since he wanted to be there for his brother.

Owen is basically the ONLY supportive family member Mikey has, who takes time to understand him and spoil him with what he wants. He even encourages Mikey that if he fails once, pick himself back up and try again. Always.

This is deemed as BAD advice by Dhar Mann.

We are supposed to believe that Owen is the ONLY bad family member of Mikey, and that Owen is responsible for Mikey’s bratty behavior. Except, what’s actually true is the exact opposite.

Owen isn’t a wealthy guy, but he puts in the effort to be there and spend money for his brother anyway. He isn’t the most noble guy, but he makes promises to his brother anyway, to make him happy. He doesn’t get mad at Mikey, or punish him, instead, trying to teach him his methods of getting through life. He’s there for Mikey in any way he can be.

We’re supposed to believe this is an EVIL brother.

UNLIKE HIS PARENTS.

6: The Parents (And Why They’re Horrible)

I’m going to say this blunt and clear.

Mikey’s parents are TERRIBLE.

NO.

STOP.

YOU DON’T GET IT.

These parents are one of the BIGGEST reasons Mikey acts the way he does. WHY he is such a brat. WHY he never learns, and WHY he feels the need to constantly cheat.

It’s the parents fault.

Parents have a huge responsibility to raise their kid, and it’s more then feeding them and forcing them into school. It’s about being there to help your kid explore the world, it’s about influencing that kid’s joy and passion, it’s about ensuring that kid is loved, it’s about teaching them dangers and safety. It’s about LOVE.

These parents do NONE of these things for Mikey, PLUS there’s ADDITIONAL problems as well!

These parents do not respect Mikey. AT ALL. They don’t respect Owen either, from what we’ve seen. THEIR SONS.

Like I said before, theses are wealthy high privileged parents. The mom is a doctor, the dad is... something. Not only that, but they heavily expect their boys to be as successful as that high class, with straight As in school, and full society commitment. They ONLY show love for their kid, when they MEET that expectation. If they don’t, the parents are only shown YELLING at them!

And in case you’re saying “Well, that doesn’t prove the parents are bad”, it gets worse than this!

The mom CLEARLY favors Jayden over Mikey, because Jayden is such an angel who does everything she wants of him. She gives Jayden all the gifts, all the family love, and all the support in the world, because he’s the perfect kid. She even says “You deserve it”

I don’t know about you, but the phrase “You deserve it” when referring to love, is one of the most DISGUSTING red flags in a relationship that I’ve ever heard.

To Dhar Mann, love is artificial. Love is something you buy at a store. Love is something you have to work to gain. Love is something you can only have if you do everything the person wants.

That’s disgusting.

You can’t go from having a parent hating a kid, the kid giving them a thousand dollars, and then having the parents love them.

If that’s actually the case, you pay say “That’s bad parenting.” “That’s a toxic relationship.” And it is.

Kids should not need to EARN love. They need to earn respect, sure, but they do NOT need to prove themselves that they are worthy of being loved by their family. Whether or not you get straight As, a good parent will still love you, even if they encourage you to do better. Whether or not you do something wrong, a good parent will comfort you when you need it, even if they teach you what you did wrong. A good parent doesn’t care if their kid meets their expectations. They should let the kid know that they are loved.

You could say, well the mom DOES show that. BUT, she ONLY shows love and support to JAYDEN.

What kind of love does Mikey get? What SHRED of decency and respect does Mikey receive?

I’ll tell you.

NOTHING.

Nothing shown on screen anyway?! ALL the love this mom gives, is towards Jayden, and she very intentionally leaves Mikey in the DUST.

Sure, Mikey disrespects her wishes. Sure, Mikey does some bad things. Sure, Mikey isn’t who she wants him to be. But he is a CHILD, who does NOT know better! There’s STILL no excuse to be so CRUEL to your own child!

This mom gives her kids a STRICT moral code they have to follow EVERY DAY, and CONSTANTLY shoves it in their faces.

“There are no shortcuts to success. You have to do things the right way.”

“What happens in the dark, always comes to light.”

“If you pretend to be something you’re not, people will find out eventually.”

“If you keep lying, people will stop believing you.”

Now, on paper, these morals don't sound that bad. They actually sound pretty good. The problem lies in the constant peer pressure to meet these phrases, and giving your kid NO ROOM to come up with their own phrases.

Not once is this mom ever shown being supportive of Mikey’s dreams of basketball, or gaming. Not even with the PS5 incident, as she demands that the only way they can get it, if if they get As. If they don’t get As, kiss your dreams goodbye, kiddo!

And one more thing, on the non-Mikey focused videos, but focus on the mom. I’m pretty sure this mom is racist, and hostile towards a lot of people. So...

Yeah. Great parent there.

Now for the dad. Just like Owen, the dad has only appeared in one video. He is mentioned more times than Owen, though.

“Just wait till I tell your dad about this!”

This is because the dad, has strangely, NEVER appeared in the household with Mikey. He’s never shown interacting with the mom. We don’t even get any indication that he comes home at night for his kids!

So... it’s a little hard to judge what exactly this father’s relationship is with the rest of his family. Either he just has a long job like the mom does, and takes all nighters... OR, and this explains a lot more,

The parents are divorced.

THEORY, this could be wrong. But that does make sense. Now, the father does still see his boys, obviously, but it’s possible that it’s not so often. Thus, Mikey doesn’t have a lot of time to interact with his dad and bond with him from this supposed divorce. Plus, divorce has a severe effect on kids in general.

But when the dad DID show up in a video...

Oh god.

How has no one called Child Protective Services yet?

This dad, STALKS on his son! TRACKS HIM DOWN! SCREAMS AT HIS SON AFTER SCARING HIM HALF TO DEATH, AND STRIPS AWAY NOT ONLY MIKEY’S BASKETBALL DREAMS, BUT CANCELLS HIS DREAMS AND FORCES HIM IN SCHOOL ON A SATURDAY!

I mean, look at Mikey’s TERRIFIED face! This man looks like he’s about to beat Mikey to the pulp! Every time the dad shouts, this kid flinches horribly!

We don’t know for sure if the dad actually gets physical with his son or not, but I think the emotional side of things makes it clear.

This dad is straight up ABUSIVE.

And that’s the nail in the coffin, the real thing that makes these parents so horrible.

They’re doing nothing but PUNISHING Mikey.

Now, I’m not saying punishment is bad, but parents have to be careful when they inflict it on a kid. If you go too far on a punishment, the kid will believe you don’t love them anymore, and cause severe stress, anxiety, and horror of you as they feel the need to be dishonest with you in order to avoid such harsh punishment. It’s important to let your kid know that they are loved FIRST. And inflict the punishment SECOND. THEN you tell your kid that you will help them not make this mistake again.

These parents don’t do that.

They go HARSHER with their punishments EVERY DAY, as though it’s helping Mikey learn! And it’s CLEARLY NOT WORKING!! But they still do it anyway, because apparently, punishing Mikey, getting him out of their faces, and throwing him in school, is what’ll help him learn. And when he STILL hasn’t learned, and feels the need to be even MORE secretive, that should be a warning that the punishments are not working, and are not healthy.

BUT NOPE, Instead, the parents decide to inflict even HARSHER punishments EVERY TIME. To the point where they’re BANNING Mikey of having a future he can choose to have!

And worst of all, they get this message through by doing the EXACT same things Mikey does that they don’t approve of! Lying, scamming, scheming, tricking kids, and tricking them into doing the very bad thing they’re punishing them for!

Here’s ALL of the punishments I can think of:

“Kid Cheats On Final Exam”

Mikey cheats on his Final Exam with a website that has all the answers. This turns out to be a scam, as his TEACHER created that website to expose him, and comes to his house during the summer during a PANDEMIC, to expose his CRIME.

Then MIKEY is seen as 100% to blame, and the mom grounds him FOR A WHOLE SUMMER. Which meant zero electronics. FOR A WHOLE SUMMER.

And that’s not even the worst of it, because she encouraged Jayden to NOT share ANYTHING with Mikey for a whole summer, and she spends time with Jayden happily, in claiming he deserves it.

The last shot of the video, is of Mikey overhearing this from behind a wall. He looks heartbroken!

“Kid fakes being sick”

Mikey fakes being sick for three days, to not have to take a test. The mom found out he was faking this RIGHT AT THE START. She KNEW he was faking being sick, and yet she ALLOWED him to skip several days of school. THEN, she SCAMS her kid into believing Dhar Mann was coming to school, JUST so she can expose the fact that she knew he was lying, and so she and the teacher could rearrange the test to that same day. She didn’t help Mikey study, nobody helped Mikey prepare for this!

She SET HIM UP for FAILURE here.

“Kid Fakes Having An Allergy”

In this one, Mikey fakes having an allergic reaction to get out of a test.

Then the mom freaking TRAUMATIZES her own son, into believing he’s going to DIE!

She convinces several doctors to help her with a play act during work, to make Mikey believe he’s dying, and give him a shot he didn’t need.

We don’t see any further punishment than that, but my gosh, that’s HORRIFYING.

If I worked there and I saw this mom doing this, I’d call child protective services IMMEDIATELY.

“Kid Makes Fake Sick Note”

In this one, Mikey and his friend make a fake note to skip a day of school.

The dad TRACKS THEM DOWN, just so he can scream at them as if they murdered someone. He FORCES them into school on a Saturday to do a makeup test. AND he strips the boys of their DREAMS.

He CANCELS their participant in the tournament, AND their entire basketball career, because of this ONE SMALL THING. He strips them of potential career paths, because they didn’t commit to society 100%.

AND, he also takes away their electronics. FOR A MONTH.

AND, he bans Mikey from being around his FRIENDS. FOR A MONTH.

They took away his free time, his weekend, his hard earned game, his friends, and his DREAMS, BECAUSE HE SKIPPED A SINGLE DAY OF SCHOOL.

And if you think THAT is an awful punishment?

Even THAT doesn’t compare to this RECENT video...

“Streamer caught cheating”

In this one, Mikey wants to pursue gaming, which he sucks at (for some reason), so he uses Jayden’s gameplay instead of his, to get views, and to become popular.

He gets outed, and THE WHOLE WORLD HATES HIM.

Yep.

Mikey is DESPISED by EVERYONE. EVEN HIS OWN FRIENDS.

THEN, Jayden STEALS Mikey’s dream by becoming a successful Streamer, and the mom ENSLAVES Mikey into being Jayden’s little maid.

Mikey doesn’t even get paid for being a slave!

He gets NOTHING!

NOT ONLY is Mikey’s electronics taken away AGAIN, NOT ONLY is he not allowed to be around his friends (because everyone hates him now), NOT ONLY does Jayden get ALL the love and support by mom IN HIS FACE...

But Mikey is thrown away in his room for a LONG TIME.

Okay, what Mikey did was BAD. I am NOT going to act like he doesn’t deserve consequences for his actions, BUT DEAR GOSH, At least make sure Mikey’s emotionally stable after being dumped on BY THE WHOLE WORLD, before you punish him to death!

But no. They don’t do that. Instead they treat him like a criminal.

Mikey is forced to give up EVERYTHING he loves to his brother.

Mikey is forced to go BROKE, for his brother.

Mikey is forced to WATCH as his brother receives EVERYTHING he wants, while he sits in the back and gets NOTHING.

Mikey does not even get his mother’s LOVE, as he’s forced to watch as the mom supports Jayden and spoils him with gifts unconditionally, while she treats Mikey as though he’s a criminal.

“Jayden, I am so proud of you.”

“You don’t have to share anything with your brother.”

I’m sorry.

This is NOT fair grounding.

This is full on EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

What next? Are they going to send Mikey to Juvie because he wants to have a friend? After all of this?

These, are, without a doubt, BAD PARENTS. They pressure their kids with work and high expectations, they play the favorite card constantly, they lie, they scheme, they scam, they scream at their children, and they punish them so harshly that it involves stripping them of a potential future.

And worst of all. We’re supposed to believe these are GOOD parents.

Yep. We’re supposed to believe these are the best parents in the world, who are JUSTIFIED in doing all of these things to Mikey!

Like, why does Mikey have such a bratty behavior?

IT’S BECAUSE OF THIS.

IT’S BECAUSE THEY FAILED AS PARENTS.

7: Why Does Mikey Act The Way He Does?

So, why does Mikey act the way he does?

Why does this kid act like a spoiled, narcissistic, irredeemable brat?

Maybe it’s the school system and how badly it nurtures him and makes him feel pressured.

Maybe it’s his failure to recognize what it takes to make his dreams and goals happen.

Maybe it’s his brothers either not being there, or failing to understand him.

Maybe it’s the awful parents, doing all kinds of bratty things themselves, and punishing him to no end.

Maybe it’s Dhar Mann’s influence on this kid.

Well, in the end, it doesn’t change one thing:

It’s bad writing.

At the end of the day, it’s all bad writing. It’s Dhar Mann FAILING to successfully write relatable children characters that can be of any influence to children in the real world. It’s the writing, of portraying kids as one dimensional selfish monsters, and justifying the abuse, pressure, punishment, neglect, and emotional damage, as something kids deserve.

It’s DISGUSTING.

Mikey is the BIGGEST example of writing a child poorly.

And neglect of what a child needs to live a healthy life.

If Dhar Mann wants to respect his child audience, he has to understand what children go through everyday. He needs to understand that it’s not as simple as a good kid and a bad kid. It’s not as simple as punishing a kid to make them learn. It’s not as simple as saying they should stay in school. It’s not as simple as saying they should listen to their parents.

Children need to feel heard.

They need to feel loved.

They need to feel the right to explore the world on their own terms.

But in the end, Dhar Mann, has always FAILED, to give children any respect and any voice. And it baffles me that this kind of child writing is considered okay by a ton of people.

Even after this post, I doubt Dhar Mann will EVER change his writing or respect kids in any way. He’s making money, why change anything?

And if that’s the case, then yes.

This is the EXACT THING Dhar Mann does, that BROKE ME.

#Dhar Mann #Analysis #character analysis #Children #childcare #Black and white #Parenting #Love #Bad messages #Respect #Disrespect #Family #familial abuse #Abuse #school suuuucks

34 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 3 years

Photo

Kamo and Megumi is the same...

I’ve always read the Kyoto vs Tokyo arc as a breakdown of communication.The Kyoto kids want understanding, but due to everyone being teenagers the Kyoto Kids cannot explain and the Tokyo Kids cannot understand. One of the stand out moments is when Kamo insists they are the same, and Megumi just says no.

They are both dark haired, quiet, introverts. They were both born outsiders. Toji and Kamo’s mother the prostitute. People that the clan looked down on. However, the clan will take in their children because they were born with a strong cursed technique. They’re both strategists, who act like they’re logical, but tend to be swayed by emotions instead. They’re both trying to protect someone, Megumi his sister, and Kamo his mother and both only became jujutsu sorcerers to protect these people.

But yeah, they’re totally not the same at all... More under the cut.

So, why does Megumi reject Kamo so utterly?

Well, on the surface level it’s simply because Kamo is wrong.

To explain complicated morality a bit.

Killing one child, even if it’s to protect the peace of everybody else is ethically wrong.

However, the position Kamo is trying to explain to Megumi is utilitarian. He’s saying, the best way to handle this situation is to do what’s best for everybody, kill one person out of a hundred to save ninety nine.

He then also adds that, because they’re both heirs to political families they are pressured to think that way. Kamo is thinking in a utilitarian sense, because, he’s saying that as a family with major political power they have to make their decisions on the scope of society as a whole.

So adding onto that, Kamo is acting like there is a higher order of reasoning. He says they are expected to think in strictly numerical terms like this, they have to be utilitarian, they have to make their decisions without personal bias, because that’s what is expected of them as the future heads of clan. Kamo is also trying to elaborate, he’s not really allowed, to let personal feelings get in the way of his judgement, because from such a young age he’s always been forced to act responsible in every situation.

So basically. Kamo is saying. I’m not allowed to do what I think is right because I’m the son of the Kamo clan, I have to do what the clan thinks is right and fall into line with their utilitarian thinking.

Megumi’s response to this is, I don’t care about that, I decide things based on what I think is right.

So on one level Megumi is right. Kamo is not actually doing what he thinks is right, he’s doing what the clan thinks is right and claiming he has no choice. Megumi is saying “I don’t care about your cicrumstances or what’s pressuring you, I still believe it’s wrong for you to try to kill my friend.”

He also, is right in calling that most people are just following their own conscience and just trying to do what they think is right. Kamo’s repressed motivation this entire time is, he’s not really thinking of the whole clan, he’s just trying to do right by his mother. Megumi, is trying to save Tsumiki and Yuji, Kamo is trying to save his mother, however they go about it in different ways, Megumi by saving people selfishly, and Kamo by pretending to be the dutiful and loyal son.

Megumi’s callout works. Both Megumi and Kamo are just doing what they feel is right in this situation. Kamo is the one pretending like he has a higher reasoning. He’s using the clan’s control over him as a way to excuse himself for what he knows is wrong.

However, on another level Megumi is wrong.

Megumi is saying, you are doing a bad thing. Therefore, you are a bad person and I don’t have to listen to you.

When it’s really that Kamo is in a bad family situation. It’s true Kamo’s choices are his own, and he can still make bad decisions and held to responsible for them, however, it’s impossible not to look at Kamo’s family situation, because one it influences his decisions so much (the constant flashbacks to his mother, he’s trying to do what will protect his mom), and two because it resembles Megumi’s own family situation so much (Megumi is also, someone who became a Jujutsu Sorcerer to save his sister).

“We have no choice but to curse each other.”

In other words.

“I don’t care to hear what your reasons are, I’m just going to fight you.”

It’s never a good thing when you’re quoting Geto.

This is a bad end. This is where the talks break down. The thing is, both Megumi and Kamo are wrong because they are both kids. Yes, Kamo shouldn’t have ever agreed to the order to kill Yuji but at the same time, Kamo never should have been put in that situation. It’s the adults that are making these kids fight, it’s the adults that create the situations where these kids fight.

Megumi is using a simplified morality here. Megumi unconsciously divies people into good or bad people and judges them based upon that. We’ve seen them do this countless times, he sees the bad people as not worth saving, and then puts the good ones on a pedestal where they can do no wrong.

His sister is a “good person” therefore she’s always a good person. Yuji is a “good person” therefore no matter what he does he’s always a good person and worth saving. The problem with this sort of black and white morality is that it doesn’t apply to a life that is a very, messy, gray. The thing is, the way Megumi sees the world the only people who ever do bad things are bad people.

Well, this guy must have been bad because he hit someone while driving without a liscense.

Megumi says while not knowing the circumstances at all. Maybe he was driving to work without a license because his mom needed the money and he was still in high school and couldn’t get one? Maybe, he actually felt sorry about it.

The thing is, the guy was arrested, and was already actively serving penance for his crime. And yet, Megumi is like, “Nah he’s not worth saving. I was planning on letting him die.”

That’s like, an awful thing to think, because crimminals are no longer human and therefore no longer worth saving. That’s how simplified Megumi’s view on morality is, it’s downright childish, once you’ve done a bad thing you’re labeled as bad for life. People can’t improve, or repent or feel sorry for what they’ve done.

The thing is people do bad things all the time without meaning too, or for understandable reasons, or because they’re people. Megumi’s primary fear is what if the person I save, turns out to be a bad person?

However, that doesn’t come from a place of hating crimminals per se.

It comes from Megumi’s tenderness, his kindness, his fear of hurting people. Childish is the best way to describe it. Megumi’s primary character trait is that he was abandoned by both parents, he doesn’t really know how to survive in the world but he has to pretend that he does because no one else is there to take care of him. Add onto that the idea that he was sort of forced into becoming a jujutsu sorcerer first by his dad selling him, then by Gojo only intervening on the premise that he come to work for him instead. Second, on the fact that he was completely powerless to stop whatever was happening to Tsumiki.

It makes perfect sense that Megumi has a really childish morality, he is a child, and it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to punish bad people so much as he’s afraid of other people getting hurt by his actions, and he’s afraid that he might be at fault, that he might be the reason that people like Toji, and Tsumiki left his life. Megumi is so careful with choosing his actions, because he’s so afraid that he’s the reason everyone else around him left him, and if he screws up he’ll lose other people again, or he’ll hurt people. It comes from Megumi genuinely being a soft guy towards almost everyone he meets, just like Yuji.

The problem is, Kamo is the same.

Kamo is also someone coping really badly with circumstances just like Megumi is. However, when it comes to judge Kamo Megumi just ignores those circumstances.

The difference between Kamo and Megumi is that one of them is good, or one of them is bad, they’re not better than the other, their fight even got interrupted and ended in a tie. They are both children.

The difference is their circumstances. Basically at this time, Kamo had already been placed as the next head of the Kamo clan, whereas Megumi was still being protected by Gojo. Megumi doesn’t stop to think about how their circumstances might be different, because he doesn’t think of circumstances at all he’s still hung up on good people vs. bad people.

The reason that Kamo decided to turn against Yuji is that he was being pressured too, he thought he had to choose between doing the thing he thought would help his mother, or saving a random stranger. He made a bad choice, but people make bad choices in bad circumstances.

The problem with Megumi’s reasoning is that he assumes because he’s deciding things based on his own conscience, that he’ll just somehow be stronger in those circumstances. Megumi assumes that he would still make the right choice, even if put into Kamo’s cricumstances. However, how would Megumi react if he was forced to choose between Yuji and Tsumiki. If he had to decide which one to save?

Now, Megumi is being pushed into similiar circumstances that Kamo once faced.

Tsumiki, who Megumi always held up as his gold standard of a good person might do something bad. Geto says he’s going to release all the new cursed energy users he created and make them fight, Tsumiki might hurt someone.

Yuji, who also was what Megumi decided was a good person also has hurt a lot of people now.

Yuji and Tsumiki are both victims of circumstance the same way Kamo was once. Yuji never wanted to do anything bad, his only intention the whole way was to save people. Yuji ended up hurting a lot of people in Tokyo. It wasn’t even his fault, but the undeniable reality is it’s still something that happened.

This is why dividing people into good or bad doesn’t work, good people can still hurt other people, good people make mistakes, good people are capable of doing wrong.

You could say that Yuji should have always known about the possibility that Sukuna would rampage, but it didn’t occur to him, that one he’d ever be in a situation where Gojo wouldn’t be around to stop him, and two he didn’t think he’d be fed ten or so fingers at once. It’s true Yuji wasn’t acting responsibly as Sukuna’s host, but Yuji is, just a kid. He’s like seventeen. There’s no way he can be held responsible in every single situation.

If you wanted to be pedantic you could even go back and say that Kamo’s decision was the right one. That Megumi should have killed Yuji all along, because the threat was always there that Yuji might let Sukuna rampage and kill hundreds of people.

However, even that is missing the point. The point being that, Kamo, Yuji and Megumi are all just kids. It’s unreasonable to expect any of them to be well adjusted in these circumstances. By expecting these kids to act like rational adults in situations that most adults couldn’t handle, then blaming the kids for their reactions, all you’re ensuring really is that the kids pay for the adults mistakes.

Now, Megumi is being put into the exact same position as Kamo. He’s a child, being forced to now act like the heir to the Zen’in clan because Gojo is no longer around to protect him. He’s going to become a piece to be manipulated by the adults around him.

Megumi probably won’t do very well in this situation, because he’s just a kid. If anything that’s the strength of Jujutsu Kaisen as a manga. Characters don’t ever like heroically overcome circumstances with sheer willpower alone. Yuji isn’t acting heroic like now, he’s horrified by what Sukuna used his body to do, he doesn’t feel like he can go back home right now because his friends wouldn’t accept him anymore, and he would just hurt them. It’s almost etter to see Yuji falter with circumstances instead of heroically overcome them, because now Yuji feels like a real kid. He feels what any kid would feel in that situation, he struggles with it.

Kamo and Megumi are the same, because they’re just kids. I wish Megumi would see that too, because he might learn to be more forgiving towards himself. It’s not his fault that Toji and Tsumiki left because he wasn’t good enough.

The strange thing is Yuji thinks that Megumi might blame him for what happened in Tokyo and think he is a bad person now, but Megumi is much more likely to blame himself. He’ll think it was his choice to save Yuji that led to Sukuna rampaging and he has to bear all the respnosibility alone without Yuji. When the truth is it’s neither of their faults, because both Megumi and Yuji are just kids.

#kamo noritoshi #megumi fushigoro #itadori yuji #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #jjk 138 #jjk 138 spoilers #jujutsu kaisen 138 #jujutsu kaisen 138 spoilers

469 notes · View notes

thechangeling · 3 years

Text

Ok so a conversation @littlx-songbxrd and I were having made me remember something I was ranting about to a friend of mine once.

Brace yourselves this is going to be long. I'm sorry.

The sexism, homophobia and racism of the shadoworld straight up doesn't make sense and here's why. So if we start chronologically with the infernal devices. There is sexism towards Charlotte right? People don't want her running the institute and they don't want her becoming the consul because she is a woman. But the Clave has no problem letting women train and fight. This doesn't really make sense in my opinion.

Now you could argue that it's because they believe woman can be string capable fighters just not rational thinkers. Which is weird because in my experience you don't meet a lot of people who are "partially sexist" in that way. Like if a man believes a woman can't do high profile, high paying jobs then they usually also don't want them in the military. Anyways moving on, there aren't any mentions of homophobia in TID, mostly because they're arent any queer characters except Magnus and Woolsey.

But something interesting to point out is that none of the characters who know about Magnus and Woolsey ever comment on it really. And following this point, none of the mains display any signs of misogyny either really. (Except for what Will says to Tessa at the end of CA but that was because of the "curse.") You could argue that this is because they're the protagonists so they are supposed to be better then that. But accidental microaggressions are pretty common especially during that time period. More on that later.

Moving onto racism, this is the interesting part. Jem says to Tessa that shadowhunters believe that you are a shadowhunter first and your nationality or eace second. Actually Jem doesnt mention race but he says this while talking about being half Chinese so it's kinda relevant. Shadowhunters rarely tall about race throughout the books in general except for a few instances. When Jessamine criticizes Jem to Tessa, she calls him a foreigner and says some other racist shit that I can't really remember. Something about the yin fin and calling him lazy. That directly contradicts Jem's statement about them all being shadowhunters first. Also Will and Jem actually constantly talk about being Welsh and Chinese in the books so that statement is kinda bogus in general.

And if CC didn't want her mains being sexist or homophobic to show them as good people then why was it ok for both Jesse and Gabriel to say questionable shit about Jem? Anyways moving on to TLH. Sexism is still running rampid with their cultural customs and people being shitty about Charlotte being consul. Bots have to ask the girls to dance, girls cannot have sex before marriage or else they will be ruined or whatever you know the drill. But again, they let the girls fight. Cordelia is allowed to carry around a giant ass sword but she can't get some????

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE CASSANDRA!!!!!

Sorry I'm losing it. Anyways. Regarding racism. Alastair and Cordelia have experienced micro aggressions from the mains (Matthew and Anna) but it's never addressed. I'm pretty sure if memory serves, the inquisitor makes a nasty comment under his breath about persians when the Carstairs family sans Elias arrive. And then we have the whitewashing of Ariadne/Kamala by her parents.

But none of this stuff ever gets brought up really. Exceot for Kamala talking about her past and who she was before and sharing her original name, but she still doesn't talk about how it effects her potential coming out. Alastair doesnt mention race when he talks about the bullying he went through at the academy and none of the white characters ever stop to think about how Kamala and Alastsir's races play a part in their crappy situations.

There's probably more I could discuss with this but I'm moving on to homophobia. It's a thing in terms of the heteronormativity and people's judgement of Anna but it's not illegal like in mundane societies at this time. But all of the mains are totally cool with it which brings me to, I'm sorry but fucking bullshit! There is no way every single adult would be totally fine with it in this time period. Like I'm not saying outright homophobia but maybe some questionable comments you know? (CC is perpetuating this idea that good people never commit microaggressions which is untrue and harmful.)

I don't think there's any mention of whether or not gay marriage is allowed in the shadowhunter world at this point. Because the issues surrounding Magnus and Alec getting married were about Magnus being a warlock right? Because Helen and Aline got married before them in TFTSA because she was only half fae. So that brings me to when was gay marriage legalized in the shadow world?????

Is there any mention of this because I don't think there is? Anyways moving onto TMI. This is where everything goes to absolute shit in terms of world building with the standards for these things. Misogyny isn't really a problem in tmi anymore from what I remember. Nobody has issues with Jia as consul (from what I remember,) and that's that. But homophobia is still rambid throughout shadowhunter society so much so that Alec is terrified to come out because he believes that he can't be gay and be a shadowhunter in peoples eyes. Also there is pressure to "carry on the family name" which doesn't make sense because if the sexism has died out then women can have babies with whoever and not even be married and carry on their family line. And not everyone needs to have children, ergo there is less pressure on the sons to carry on the family name or whatever. This also doesn't make sense because homophobia literally cannot exist without sexism!!!!

This is because of colonial gender roles being forced on society. And men being with men and women being with woman totally smashes the whole gender roles, "woman do this and men do that" idea. There's more that I could say on that but this is already so freaking long so please just look it up. And speaking of gender roles it's literally mentioned that Maryse didn't teach Izzy to cook because she didn't want her to be forced into a housewife role like she was (although there's no evidence to suggest she was?) But then Maryse is lowkey homophobic?

It doesn't make sense Cassandra!!!!!

CC doesn't get that you literally don't have homophobia or transphobia without sexism. Indigenous societies pre-colonization didn't care about any of that stuff. Literally two spirit people were revered and respected and no one gave a fuck about gender until my ancestors literally came along and ruined everything. (I'm so sorry.)

But anyways there's no mentions of racism amongst the shadowhunters in tmi. Just Maia talking about her experiences with mundane society as a black girl. When Clary confronts Valentine and basically calls him a n*zi, he laughs at her and basically says that shadowhunters don't see race the way mundanes do which yikes @ CC. Granted this was 2007. This kind of sounds like what Jem said in TID. Only it clearly wasnt true.

Anyways I'm just super confused at this point. In TDA there was basically nothing in terms of all the isms and phobias. (Oh we arent even discussing ableism because my fucking head will explode!) But we do discuss transphobia a bit with Diana. But again it doesn't make fucking sense because transphobia exists because of sexism and clear gender roles (and homophobia.)

Society is still shown to be pretty heteronormative though which I guess makes sense but the Blackthorns have multiple queers in their family! You would think that they would be less so. When Livvy mentions all the reasons that Annabel could have a forbidden love she doesnt even think to mention that it could be a lesbian relationship. When Mark finds out that Jaime was in Dru's room he freaks out but I guarentee you, he wouldn't have if Jaime was a girl. I mean you could argue that it's an age thing and not a gender thing but idk. That scene always bothered the fuck out of me. Because Mark is literally half fae like why is he caught up on bullshit "boys and girls can't just be friends" hetero bullshit.

In QOAAD we see Dane Larksoear being sexist so randomly for no reason. Like it's so strange because CC literally created a caricature of a sexist villian with him. And it makes no sense because no one else seems to feel the way he does. Like Zara is basically the leader of the cohort right? And nobody gives a fuck. It makes no damn sense Cassandra!

And finally, why is the faerie world sexist with gender roles WHEN EVERYONE IS LITERALLY BISEXUAL AND THEY'RE FAERIES CASSANDRA!!!???? THEY'RE LITERALLY FAERIES WHY IS THERE A CONCEPT OF GENDER AT ALL CASSANDRA????!!!!

Ok lol now I'm done. Sorry this is so long. But yeah I'm so confused.

Tldr: CC's world building in regards to sexism, homophobia, racism and transphobia is very inconsistent and contradictory and it makes no damn sense.

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #tlh #twp #the wicked powers #the last hours #tmi #tid #tw mentions of transphobia #tw mentions of racism #tw mentions of homophobia #tw mentions of sexism #anti cc #long post

112 notes · View notes

sokkas1mp · 3 years

Text

I gonna break in this acocunt with me being angry about something that doesn't really matter (very fitting for tumblr if you ask me), this article.

First: "And I’m sorry to open with this, but part of that is due to the age difference between them. Two years is hardly worlds apart (I’m personally working with four), but a 12-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl are. Especially the way these two are drawn. Not to be too voyeuristic about Y7 cartoons, but Katara has clearly gone through puberty, while Aang hasn’t. There is something just…off, about a sixth grade boy having a full on make-out sesh with a high school girl."

This argument is one of the most stupid ones if you ask me, because it blatantly ignores the culture we have been presented by the show. I can understand why people find this weird, but we have to try not to look at it as if its our society, because its not. In A:tla, specifically the water tribes, 16 is marrying age. Right there, our "age norms" (idk what else to call it) are very different. And there are no divisions between ages in their world like we have with middle and high school. To me, two people are fit to be together based on their maturity, not their age. That's why 45 & 40 is not the same as 15 & 10, or 20 & 15. This is the same for Kataang. They have very similar life experiences and matured together, literally side by side, so a two year ago gap is irrelevant.

Second: "...Katara took on a very maternal role with Aang. Sure, she’s a caretaker and sort of a “mom friend,” but it’s a bit more than that. She served as his literal guardian during the show’s run—there’s just no other way to look at it. By the third episode, she called herself his “family,” and later even went on to role play as his mother to get him out of trouble at school. Aang, meanwhile, was… Well, I wouldn’t say “immature” for his age, […] However, Katara is 14 going on 25, while Aang is just, Aang."

There's a compilation of Katara doing thing with Aang that if someone saw a mother doing with her son they would call it incest:

Katara definitely acts motherly towards Aang, but that is just her nature. She is more than just motherly with him. And some people like to call the check kisses familial (which is kinda weird imo), but we know Katara herself doesnt think that:

"Easy there, big brother" She pushes Sokka away. Not to mention, this was about a scene or two before she kisses Aang on the check.

Calling someone close to you your family does not mean you see them in the same way you see your parents/siblings. And Sokka played Aang's father in that scene, but we aren't sitting here using that as evidence to call him Aang's paternal figure.

Something Aang haters forget (or chose to ignore) is that being lighthearted and goofy does not equal immature. Yes, Aang does some juvenile things, but that shouldn't take away from his growth and maturity.

Third: "In fact, in the last season, Katara was shown to be uncomfortable each time Aang kisses her, and even went as far as to tell him to back off with the romantic stuff in the episode before the finale, because she was confused about how she felt. [*new paragraph*] Yet, in the end, she just trots up and blushes at Aang, than happily makes out with him when he goes for it,"

Katara initiated 2/4 of the kataang kisses (not including the check kisses). The kiss in The Cave of Two Lovers and the kiss in the finale. Yes, she's the one that "goes for it" in the finale (she also initiates the hug). She only pulls away once out of the 3 times we see a kiss end (this would be excluding the kiss in The Cave of Two Lovers). She wasn't confused about her feelings, she didn't want to have to worry about a relationship when they were nearing the end of the war.

Fourth: "The post-canon comics only furthered the lack of exploration of her feelings in this relationship"

Fifth: "[referencing a scene in The Promise in which Katara is jealous of a fanclub being around Aang] "I'm sorry, this amazing, adult communication is blowing me away"

The are both still teenagers, who have zero previous relationship experience. Also, Aang had no ill intentions and Katara recognized it.

Sixth: [refencing Katara's role in The Legend of Korra] "Did Katara want to do anything other than sit in a healing hut and be known for having Aang's kids?"

This is another argument that just pisses me off. You can not use Katara's lifestyle in her 80s (she is 85 in s1) as judgement for her adulthood. It's purely assumption based. Constantly this author assumes that because she is in a relationship with Aang, Katara would drop her whole personality. What? Katara would not and could not be forced to do something or conform to some label and Aang wouldn't let it get to that point either. He would squash any idea that she is just "The Avatar's wife" or "The mother of the Avatar's children" the minute he heard it.

Seven: [comparing Katara's reaction to Aang The Desert to Aang's reaction to Katara in The Southern Raiders] "You'll spend a long time looking for her condescending tones. "Anger won't help, Aang," Katara never said, because she got that he was processing something painful and needed to sort it out himself. This difference in behavior is something that would be really fitting for a twelve year old boy to learn and understand. There's just no indication that he ever did."

Maybe I'm remembering wrong, but I don't remember Aang being condescending towards Katara. He was offering his advice because he knew her and knew that she would regret doing what she thought was right when her judgement was clouded by anger. And guess what. He was right. He never forced anything on her, either. Sure, he was a bit more pushy than he could've been, but in the end he let her go on the trip with no complaints. He even agreed that this was something she had to do.

Eighth: [referencing The Ember Island Players] "When the actor says 'Wait! I thought you were the Avatar's girl', Aang agrees. Katara is his."

You know damn well Aang doesn't see Katara as just his. And she's give him PLENTY of reason to believe that his feelings are reciprocated (which they are).

Ninth: "It's the story of a woman who swallows everything lest the man she's interested in has to learn anything about his behavior that violates her boundaries."

Ha! You said she was interested in him.

But in all seriousness, you mentioned how Katara stood her ground and told Aang that she was confused, but apparently now she's swallowing her feeings.

Tenth: [talks about the cloud babies daddy issues]

I don't disagree with what is said here, for the most part, but I don't think it is a reflection on Aang and Katara's relationship.

Eleventh: "... given what what we got with Kataang, it's completely unsurprising that Aang and Katara's parenthood/adult life was defined by a lack of communication and availability, at least from what we can tell. This also puts Katara's choice to immediately moved to the South Pole once Aang died in perspective; perhaps the city he poured all his energy into, at the cost of his family, held some bitter memories."

Once again with the lack communication. We can't use the early years of their relationship to determine their whole relationship. Also, there wasn't consistently a lack of communication, you just pointed out one time and ran with it.

We don't know at what point Katara moved back to the South Pole, but there are plenty of reasons for Katara to leave Air Temple Island:

a) Her son moving in/or planning to move in with his family.

b) She was no longer needed in the city and thus had no need to stay.

c) She wanted to go back to her native home for comfort after the love of her life died at a relatively early age.

d) The next Avatar was discovered and she came home to train them.

That's all. Thank you for reading my unnecessary rant if you made it this far, and I just want to close out with a few things:

- There were some things in the article that I did not include for the fear of this becoming a novel of me repeating myself.

- I agree with most thing said in the final segment of the the article. Most, not all.

- I appreciate the author for not trying to shove Zutara in just because Kataang wasn't there. That is becoming increasingly uncommon, so it was nice to see.

#kataang #pro kataang #katara #aang #pro katara #pro aang #atla

82 notes · View notes

sendmyresignation · 4 years

Text

In Defense of Teenagers:

Ok so. There seems to be a general consensus that Teenagers doesn’t fit on the black parade or that it ruins the trajectory of the album or that the song order of bp needs to be changed to fit the b-sides and drop Teenagers, or it should have just been a single- basically any option other than its inclusion between Sleep and Disenchanted would have been better. now, i’m not here to tell anyone that they’re wrong- i just want to offer an alternative perspective because i truly believe Teenagers is right where it belongs and that its inclusion on that album is, in my opinion, completely necessary to the album’s narrative arc. I want to focus on the way Teenagers builds into the foundation of the Concept Record, the way it bridges the gap between Sleep and Disenchanted so as not to delegitimize Disenchanted’s impact, and the fact that no other available material fits into the struggle the Patient endures at the end of the narrative (sorry this got LONG here’s a read more)

So, before we get into the meat of Teenager’s narrative significance, i wanted to briefly mention the way it makes Black Parade a more cohesive whole in relation to the material it is mimicking. Like Black Parade as an album is structured very differently from Pink Floyd’s The Wall- but it takes a lot of the same beats and recontextualizes them for a new purpose. Both records use war and relationship troubles and school and drugs to create an atmosphere that leads to disillusionment. In The Wall, this is quite literally the protagonist, Pink, building up “bricks in the wall” that isolates him from the rest of society and lead to a downward spiral into cynicism and hate. But Black Parade uses the same tools that The Wall does to say something different- things, specifically the actions you've made or the trauma you've endured, haunts you and makes your life seem insignificant in the face of what happens to you and those regrets are what causes the Patient to fall into a cycle of damnation and cynicism. This is representative of the Patient's descent through the afterlife- each new "layer" of the Patient's exploration is equivalent to a brick in The Wall's metaphor. Additionally, in this new context, this song in particular takes The Wall’s discussions of adolescence and the vice-grip control older generations attempt to force on teens and the disillusionment with the future and retells it from a new perspective- both literally in the fact the song is now more reflective of the 2000s post-9/11 and post-columbine culture, but its also literally from the perspective of the Patient as an adult. Teenagers, as a result, becomes a necessary piece of that puzzle- it is the refraction of Another Brick in the Wall repurposed to mean something new entirely- it’s no longer about kids being forced into complacency by a cruel education system from their own perspective (the children’s choir allows them to speak for themselves) but about the ways in which adults see those kids and why they decide to enact actions similar to those within The Wall. I mean even the imagery used in the song’s music video is purposely almost plagiarizing The Wall- it feeds into a separate analysis of the video and song outside the narrative as well- which i don’t have time right now to get into, its just very interesting that the band is bodily removed from their instruments at the end of the video and the teenagers in the audience have rendered them incapacitated (“they’re looking for a rockstar to kill” anyone?) it's the metaphorical tearing down of the wall from a completely different perspective. Anyway, the work Teenagers does for the narrative is it fits the album into the Concept Record Cinematic Universe- it is a piece that evokes the material it is influenced by to build off of the old to create the new- without it, the connections to The Wall would still be there, sure, but it wouldn’t be as complete- you cannot recontextualize the album without the foundation of Teenagers.

Teenagers is also, at its core, a subtle subversion of genre- using the blueprint of a specific kind of song to center the song within the timeline/narrative. In this case, the same way I Don’t Love You mimics and exaggerates the emotive and plaintive 80s rock ballad, Teenagers twists the classic rock of a bygone era to specifically call back on the stadium rock anthem. Black Parade, on the whole, does this quite frequently- most of its songs take pre-existing genre cues and subverts them in ways that play off of the expected tapestry of a concept record to create individual sounding songs that seamlessly transition into one another yet remain entirely separate. It maintains their presence as scenes in a larger tapestry- specifically the fabric of the Black Parade being a morality play. This serves two purposes, it allows for this exaggeration of genre to become a motif within the work (see mama, cancer, house of wolves, i don’t love you, wttbp -> they all play with a different, varied song type/structure that is distinct from each other) and it plays off of existing genre-stereotypes in ways that contribute to the songs overall function. I Don’t Love You, for example, undermines the fundamental purposes of sappy power ballads- to express one of the two dualities of love songs: the cheesy unconditional “i will love you forever” types or the plaintive, melancholic end-of-relationship song by instead focusing on the complexity of a not-quite-finished relationship. The ballad then shifts from an expression of love to one of human loss- and the loss is less about the individual speaking, but moreso about what the other character has become - it’s a mourning not for the relationship, but for the person themselves, who they used to be in a way. It shifts from the one-dimensional view of what a ballad can achieve and instead infuses the anger, the resignation, the drama, the transformation- it humanizes a very stock genre full of platitudes and uses our expectations to create something more interesting. Similarly, Teenagers takes a tired genre and utilizes the working mechanisms of its typical song structure to subvert and repurpose those into commentary- its literally a stadium rock song that devolves into a chant. Looking at the loud drumbeat that resonates in your chest, the all together now as a command that lures the listener into singing along, the addition of more chorus vocals at the end like a crowd is shouting along, the screaming and the solo on after another like the song is falling apart a little bit, all of these elements build into a song literally meant to be infectious and replicated by the audience. Herein lies one of the songs many interpretations- humans can be easily influenced by the media they consume, the perspectives they are fed. What happens when the view that we have of adolescence is cloaked in mistrust and violence? This aspect of the song is less about the band reconciling teenagers being moved to committing acts of violence and more in analyzing how an audience can be persuaded into believing the erroneous view of teens as fundamentally destructive- are you not repeating the chorus? do teenagers not “scare the shit out of you”? Obviously the band doesn’t want you to believe this but it does what you to think about why this perspective is so common. It's a cultural subliminal message that is present in songs and tv and books that we simply do not question- it is a chant we cannot help but join in on. Teenagers is a replication of that process, but is clearly just subversive enough (both as a piece of genre and just as a song in general terms) that the listener knows its commentary and not itself propagating that viewpoint. Every song on Black Parade does this kind of “genre-bending” to make a point in some way or another, so it's a significant reason Teenagers fits into the albums cohesion.

But,Teenagers isn’t just important to the album in its sound- it lyrically parallels Disenchanted in a way that effectively moves on from Sleep without losing the album’s emotional momentum. Sleep, conceptually and lyrically, is a very heavy track- its influence from the Dune soundtrack’s Final Dream turn a cinematic, swelling piece of instrumentation into an oppressive blanket of noise that bears down on the listener and the lyrics are referential to the patient believing themselves to be irredeemable and monstrous. It's also inspired directly from Gerard’s vivid and violent night terrors during his stay at the paramour- including a recording of Gerard’s recollection of those dreams, that mentions being choked, seeing loved ones die, burning alive, etc. To transition directly from such a dark, personal subject into a reflective acoustic number about the narrator’s adolescence would be tonally inappropriate and almost laughable- it would stop the progression in its tracks, while also doing a disservice to Disenchanted. Having a break is necessary! And it's even more appropriate for that break to be a song about teenagers considering Disenchanted is so nostalgic. Additionally, Teenagers brings up a really interesting narrative thread about the Patient becoming disenchanted with the youth that then directly transitions into a song about him losing faith in his values and sense of self- they are directly correlated conceptually. Looking deeper, Disenchanted is a punk song. sort of. more specifically, it is the foundation of a punk song that becomes a ballad through narrative framing- it takes punk cliches (running from the cops, the crowds, the imagery of guillotining traitorous rich celebrities) and turns them wistful and sad because the Patient is looking back at something they no longer understand or identify with, it allows the narrative to illustrate how the Patient feels like their life was worthless and didn’t amount to much and they’re just another stupid punk kid who grew up and didn’t achieve anything. and you can’t get to this point from Sleep because it would weaken Disenchanted’s impact, make it seem insignificant and petulant in the face of Sleep’s heavy and grand sorrow. Lyrically, you need Teenagers to bridge the gap between the war metaphors and the visualizations of hell and the all-encompassing nature of cancer in order to redirect the focus to the Patient and limit the scope of the narrative at the end of the album. Teenagers, within the story, then functions as the Patient reflecting on the nature of youth and, in the wake of Mama’s “we all go to hell” rhetoric, comes to the conclusion that teenagers are wholly violent, easily manipulated, and unsympathetic. It's another step in the Patient removing his own agency and viewing his life as predestined at the same time it allows the “plot” to focus back on the more nostalgic and mundane aspects of the patient’s life. Doing so makes Famous Last Words so much more significant because it forces the Patient to reconcile with his past before he can move forward (whether that's living or dying its still applicable). so, Teenagers is very important to the overall “plot” of Black Parade- it is fundamentally necessary for the pieces to fit together.

Another larger aspect of Teenagers' importance is that it introduces the fate versus free will internal debate central to the ending fourth of the record. The song lays the foundation for this thematic idea by being about the fated violence of the youth and how they cannot help but to respond to their world with anger and cruelty. This realization about adolescence by the Patient leads to him perceiving his own youth as destructive and worthless and in following the themes of guilt/regret and damnation it's this violence that began his path to hell or his current state of suffering. In that vein, Teenagers leads into the idea that your life is predetermined or that there is a destiny that we all have (in the Patient’s case its the absence of a future, or “a lifelong wait for a hospital stay”) and no matter what, you cannot fight that. While Mama gives a blanket statement about how "we all go to hell", Disenchanted centers the Patient's specific destiny by saying his whole life has led up to his illness and, looking further, there is the implication that life before that was retrospectively pointless. So, as previously mentioned, Disenchanted begins, structurally and lyrically, as a punk song- this sort of expression of youthful existence that, in any other song or under another faster instrumentation, would fit on some basement demo from 1986. But it doesn't stay that way, instead it actively subverts the genre it's cliches are lifted from- thinking specifically about “we ran from the cops” and the “roar of the crowd” that is juxtaposed with the change in structure or theme. Namely, punk songs (speaking generally here) aren’t wistful because there isn't really a sense of legacy in punk music. There's history yes, but most songs are about the immediacy of emotion, not existential questioning. The retrospective nature and the shift into a ballad structure are elements reflective of a change in the main character brought on by the disillusionment present in teenagers from a punk kid to a dying young man looking back on the banality of youth and the hypocrisy, the trauma and the lack of agency. It's so much easier to think that nothing matters and the perspective makes it so much easier to give up.

This build from Teenagers into Disenchanted regarding the Patient's fate allows Famous Last Words to become an even stronger end because it's in direct opposition to that perspective. Famous Last Words is a song that screams fuck fate and fuck the past- the only thing that matters is moving forward. The image of the Patient keeping on whether he’s walking into the afterlife or continuing to stay alive as long as possible becomes something difficult, something he had to fight to achieve - he had to struggle to find a new understanding. That he can't be "afraid to keep living" or "going home" and that these are concrete actions, a use of free will. And that free will is very specifically defiant. Regardless of how you view the Patient's end, he makes the conscious decision to accept the present and move forward. We are not fated to die alone, nor is life worthless. Black Parade proves that the opposite is true, that we must grow to accept the value of life, and it's so much stronger having the Patient actively reject nihilism and apathy. Ultimately, Teenagers introduces the main thread of the final songs and without it, those songs would be narrative incomplete.

So, Teenagers has a valued place on the album sonically and within the narrative whole, that much is clear. But another reason that the album order of Sleep, Teenagers and Disenchanted is important is that none of the other material written for the album comes close to filling its place. In this case, I am going to be specifically talking about the b-sides since the demos are incomplete and we have no idea what the final version would have sounded like (but I would contend they don’t fit either). Beginning with the easiest song to discard from the narrative- My Way Home Is Through You has its moments in the lyrics but it's completely out of place musically- plus the tone is a little too hopeful for this point in the album which does not gel with Disenchanted’s hopelessness. It's also incongruent with the album since Disenchanted is effective as the only “punk” song on a record that plays with and explores genre and having this come before it would ruin the previously mentioned motif of each of the songs being individual and unique in form. Also, it really adds nothing to the fate vs free will theme- meaning its placement would weaken the disenchanted/flw combo ending. Moving forward, Kill All Your Friends seems to fit, considering its cynicism and nostalgia, but the bridge (“you’ll never get me alive, you’ll never take me alive, do what it takes to survive and I'm still here") doesn’t fit the Patient’s slow decent into apathy at all and contradicts Disenchanted’s loss of faith in the idea of living- it's too hopeful and centers survival and resilience in a way that makes it an ineffective substitute for Teenagers as a bridge song. And finally, Heaven Help Us is too religiously centered- it would refocus the fate vs free will discussion in the context of god/angels when that isn’t a theme in the album up to this point (hell is the grounded point of the album- the protagonist has already accepted their fate by Mama- having a reconciliation with a lack of faith or the absence of God seems completely out of left field when its just not an established part of the narrative) Black Parade is actually one of the mcr albums with the least references to god/angels in the heavenly religious sense- more centered around the human struggle against determinism: the usage of damnation is Catholic inspired but divorced from the division of hell vs heaven and is instead about guilt and worthiness and agency. The presence of angels or god or any divinity would simply weaken the narrative by expanding the album's focus outside its own limitations. Also, the Patient isn't ever a martyred figure, if anything he is purposely pathetic. Including any comparison of the Patient to Christ ("give you all the nails you need") or a saint unravels the key feature of the Patient's character: that he is insignificant. His insignificance and his struggles with his past actions make him a character who must find the strength to live through the guilt and pain to prove that everyone is worthy of life. The overarching purpose of Black Parade is emphasizing that no matter what we've done and how dirty we feel, we can move forward and either accept our afterlife or we can find value in being alive. Because of this contradiction, Heaven Help Us destroys the central theme of the entire album if it is included. With all of this in mind, it seems to me that the b-sides are their own nebulous thing- they don’t tonally fit on Black Parade (though I do think they fit together and are interconnected thematically) but any of them would break the flow since they seem angrier and gritter in a way that is noticeably absent and would be at odds with from a lot of Parade’s resignation. They also just do not complete the narrative, they are simple not as good as Teenagers at bringing all the pieces together.

If I still haven’t convinced you, a bonus reason Teenagers is a valuable memeber of the Black Parade tracklist, Ray was the only one who believed in the song- he called it genius (x) so listen to mr chemical romance himself telling you the song is Good and Important :)

anyway now you should, at the very least respect teenagers based on a couple thematic ideas expressed here, if not also understand why it’s imperative to black parade as an album, as well as the narrative itself. <3

#here she is. my teenagers manifesto. months in the making :')#this is the equivalent of getting on my biggest soapbox and screaming for hours please enjoy <33 #my posts #mcr assigned reading #my chemical romance #mcr #black parade

227 notes · View notes

mmmleckerlecker · 3 years

Note

I was reading the questions you've answered, and I'm curious now: you said that the co-existence between preds and prey is very recently. So I was thinking the HP world from years ago, when pred could snatch up whoever prey they wanted... How was the society in that time? How did they live? (Headcanon: prey lived underground?) Did the preds have no qualms in consuming whoever they could find? (prey children/teens or the elderly, for example?)... The harmony was founded by a prey or pred? (1/2)

What was the reason for the preds to make the jump from consuming indiscriminately to the public/private contracted prey? (another headcanon: preykind severely disminishing in numbers?) I find your worldbuilding so enchanting, I'm sorry for the avalanche of questions. You're awesome! (2/2)

AHHHH YES!!! THE QUESTION I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! No need to apologize!!! I have considered making a post about stuff like this for awhile now but I’m always like “do people REALLY wanna hear all that?” But now i have the perfect excuse. Thank you, anon! You’re awesome too!! (WARNING this kinda turned into a chapter length read. So I hope y’all like to read history about fictional worlds.)

Okay so. This is all stuff I’ve sorta kept in my head and have built upon when I’ve had ideas, so sorry if there are some gaps currently haha.

So I imagine preds and prey started trying to “make peace” about five centuries ago but didn’t start living in true “harmony” until about two hundred years ago. And I use the term “harmony” loosely because clearly there’s still a lot of infighting happening. Before that, the preds and prey lived in two entirely separate cultures. The prey lived in larger, more stationary groups while the preds lived in much smaller, more nomadic groups. They also DEFINITELY didn’t speak the same language.

So for preds, the groups they would live in were more like traveling pods that consisted of maybe 1-3 families living/working together. Having groups of preds getting too large was… not sustainable. It would create too much competition for food. So each group would usually give other groups of preds a wide berth. Granted there were definitely still spats for territory, especially if said territory had a good supply of prey available.

Prey, much like in modern times, were never really the preds’ main food source, however. Preds would still hunt and gather like normal. It would usually take some organizing to get a raid together on a prey village (or a pred could just get lucky and stumble across one that wandered off alone). Consuming prey all the time was just too much effort. They weren’t a practical food source nor a completely sustainable one if they were over-predated. Also! Keep in mind, the more a pred consumes, the more their body acclimates to handling such a large meal. It would be better for the preds to consume every once in awhile and have their prey take longer to digest (hence, keeping them fueled longer) than to consume ALL THE TIME and risk addiction. I think consuming would probably become more regular in the cold months too, when it was harder for preds to find other food sources.

As for WHO the preds would consume? Definitely adults would make for the best meals. Children? Well, I imagine prey would be very protective of their children, first of all, making them difficult to obtain. But also they would just make… not as filling meals? Also prey children are mostly the same size as pred children so there might be that little hesitation there on the pred’s end as they’re reminded of their own kind. I guess if the pred is desperate? There’s always gonna be a time and place for special circumstances. As for the elderly… I imagine they also live in places that are harder for preds to get to. I also think if a prey managed to live that long, they would have a trick or two up their sleeve. But like I said, there’s always a possibility for things to happen.

Now for how prey live…. Like I said, they live in larger groups. There is safety in numbers, after all. These groups were basically villages, sometimes even cities where prey could really know their territory and set up defenses against any invading preds. (An underground dwelling is really cool idea tho! I also believe that prey evolved to be able to fold themselves up and be comfortable/feel safe in tight spaces that preds could never reach them in, so prey living in like a cave system might actually work really well!) Like it’s been stated in the story, prey tend to have a lot more children than preds for “just in case.” This could cause their towns to become rather large and populous sometimes.

Prey, also unlike preds, usually tried to keep in contact with neighboring towns/villages/cities. This was one of the key factors for what made it possible for the shift to both sides living in harmony to happen. Since the prey lived in settlements and kept in contact with other prey settlements, it allowed for a certain development of culture as well as the sharing and recording of knowledge that preds… just didn’t have. Prey were able to develop things like farming and running water. They could study math and science and share their knowledge in libraries and schools. They were really on their way to becoming an advanced society, they just had one big (both figurative and literal) problem holding them back. They constantly had preds attacking and killing off their people.

Despite their efforts to fight them off, the prey just weren’t winning. So they decided, if a war against preds wasn’t going to get them anywhere, then why not make peace? The first step for this was the prey learning the preds’ language. This was… dangerous, of course. But it was done enough that the prey were able to open conversation with preds. Just this move alone caused a huge shift between both sides. What are you supposed to do when your food, which for centuries has only babbled nonsense at you before you swallowed it down, suddenly starts speaking to you like an equal? It certainly gave preds pause, but not enough to stop consuming. Not that the prey didn’t expect this. They approached the preds with more than just a common language. Their first big move was offering them food. And not just any food, but GOOD FOOD. Cooked food, decadent food, spiced foods, foods that preds didn’t have the resources (nor the patience) to prepare.

Sharing food took… probably a little more effort than one might expect. Prey and preds view food fundamentally different. To prey, it’s sustenance but also something to enjoy and connect with. To preds, it’s simply something to stop hunger. There was a sort of learning curve for preds to actually learn to ENJOY food for its flavor, but once they got it… OH BOY!!! A door was opened! Because despite LIKING prey food, the preds weren’t always so good at preparing it, so it gave the prey something they could exchange for safety. (This is also something that persists into modern times. Preds are still often stereotyped as not having very refined palates and not being very good at preparing food. This is referenced a little in Heart Pangs itself as well as the one-shot I posted last week!) Once the food trade became established, it opened up relations enough to exchange other things!

The prey shared would they could with the preds in exchange for their own survival. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes it SEEMED to work but then the preds turned on them and things went downhill very quickly. But the prey had the advantage of sheer numbers and determination on their side (that and if they didn’t keep pushing they would literally be eaten alive). It took generations of negotiations, but the preds and prey eventually came to a sort of truce, though consuming never stopped entirely.

The preds weren’t stupid, they saw the prey had a lot of good stuff to offer them. At first they took what they needed and went their separate ways, but as they gained more trust from the prey, the preds encroached more and more into their territories until both sides were more or less neighbors. There were some advantages to this. If both sides cooperated enough, they were able to make further advances as civilized societies. But there were also disadvantages… like the fact that the preds were always bigger and the prey were always making sure not to anger them so it became very easy for the preds to take whatever they wanted and leave the prey with less than they deserved.

The prey even began to lose their own language as most of the preds couldn’t be bothered to learn the prey’s language (although a lot of prey terms for food and science stuck around). The preds stopped being the enemy who lived outside the prey’s walls and suddenly became the bully who lived next door. Yes, technically the prey were a little safer than before, but the advantages they once held over the preds were slipping away as the preds claimed more and more of what the prey had until the preds were able to start developing their OWN advantages.

For a long time, the preds and prey operated as two different societies that lived in one space, meaning each group had their own leaders and their own laws. But as things began getting more and more strained between each side (as they tend to do when two natural enemies live side-by-side), the prey (once more) tried to make peace. They made the bold move of reaching out to the pred leaders in an attempt to work together and function as a singular society (although both sides more or less continued to live as two societies, just under the rule of one government). The preds were surprisingly open to this change, which was a relief to the prey… at first. But then it became clear that this was mostly just a power grab for the preds to acquire more status and wealth and power amongst the prey.

Besides the fact that a lot of prey were falling into poverty because of this, the most glaring issue was that the “unification” had made it even easier for a lot of preds to break the peace and consume prey with barely any consequences. This caused a lot of prey to flee and seek out safer, more remote places to live. Eventually it got to the point where the prey leaders threatened to break away from pred society completely. The preds didn’t like this, though, as they’d gotten very used to having prey within easy reach. They also knew that losing half the people in their society would cause a lot of problems in terms of keeping everything running smoothly. However, the preds very much did not want to give up consuming entirely. It was in their nature after all, they argued.

So after A LOT of negotiations, both sides came to a compromise. The preds would actually start enforcing consuming as something illegal UNLESS the prey being consumed had agreed to it beforehand. Obviously the prey leaders couldn’t see any prey ever AGREEING to being consumed, so they settled on the compromise thinking that was the end of it. This was the true beginning of the “harmony” between preds and prey, but of course, the preds always have something up their sleeves.

Rich preds began offering up money and food and shelter to all those desperate prey in poverty. Those prey could get everything they could ever want for, the only payment was their lives ending in said pred’s gut (after a specified amount of time). These ventures started slow, but once they started to catch on, BOY DID THEY CATCH ON. The desperate prey began hearing about certain preds who were practically giving away wealth, all it took was a signature written in (figurative) blood. Meanwhile preds began hearing about other preds who had found a loophole in the consuming law and wanted in on the action. Like any good entrepreneur, the preds turned their contracts into a business and started selling them to other preds.

The prey leaders, of course, despised this, but what could they do? It all aligned with the compromise they had made. The only thing they could do was stand by and help come up with regulations for this new practice. So they did. Over the decades, the contracting businesses grew to what they are today (large corporate monsters… although the smaller, more private contracts still exist) as well as became the core to keeping the peace. Even the government itself offers contracting services now.

Society has shifted considerably in the years since harmony was reached. The two sides have mostly learned to live with each other. Prey have fought viciously to be treated as equals while a lot of preds go their whole lives without consuming (particularly fatally) even once. And, as you know, the development of neutralizers allowed preds to experience consuming without having to hurt anyone. A lot of progress has been made, but a lot of progress still needs to happen.

And I think that pretty much catches us up to the setting of Heart Pangs (whew)! I keep thinking it would be really cool to write a story that takes places in an earlier time period to further explore how different the relations between preds and prey would be, but I have yet to come up with a plot haha. Maybe someday. I’m sure an idea will come to me at a proper time. Anydays, thank you for your interest! It was really nice to be able to (finally) type all this up somewhere!!

#ahhh this is so much info!!!#but i hope some people are interested in it!!#if i accidentally raised more questions than answered them feel free to ask tho 😂#asks #heart pangs #heart pangs worldbuilding

24 notes · View notes

seventeensarmy · 4 years

Text

(1) Stuck With You (OT7!Hybrid Au)

Pairing: OT7xReader, Jungkook x Reader, rest will come in the course of the story

Warnings: Toxic parents that lead to toxic relationship to food, reader isn´t eating good, character death (But not in detail), angst, fluff, some technical ballet words (but i explained them and they aren´t that important), tell me if i missed something!

Words: 4.750

Summary: In your society, hybrids are seen as pets, nothing more, not having many rights. You meet the bunny hybrid Jungkook, deciding not to follow the norms of society you befriend him and fall in love. On your journey to a happy life, you meet six other hybrids, who tag along in your journey. (The summary will get better as soon as i know where to go with the story, i promise xx)

Hybrids: New Zealand red rabbit!Jungkook, Black panther!Yoongi, Birman cat!Jimin, Tundra wolf!Namjoon, Red fox!Hoseok, gerberian shepsky!Taehyung, sugar glider!Jin, human!reader

Chapter one

“I´m Jungkook, but I don´t mind you calling me Kookie”

15 years ago (Reader is 6, JK is 7)

How is a child supposed to know what right and what’s wrong? You would expect the parents to teach their child basic human decency, but sometimes it´s the parents who teach their child the exact opposite. You see, hybrids were weren´t a rare sight in your society, a lot of wealthy people owned some. While children loved to play with them, it wasn´t really a secret that adults, who could afford breaking the laws, had other plans with them. It is highly frowned upon, using hybrids, who still didn´t have the same rights as humans, to one’s gain, but at the same time, no one really did something against it. There still are a lot of people that believe that hybrids are just abominations and don´t deserve to be even alive, let alone have rights. Those are the people who want nothing to do with hybrids, who look away when a hybrid is being abused. Those are the people you´ve come to hate.

Those people are your parents.

“But Mother”, you whine, following her through the house, “I wanna go play with Hei Ryung, not with her hybrid. I won´t even look at her, I promise.” Your mother shakes her head before she turns around, making you almost run into her, but you manage to catch yourself. Her gaze almost makes you flinch backwards, but you stand your ground, though you´re not looking up to her. “If you want to play with your friend, you´re going to have to wait till you see her at school, that way I know for sure no animal will come near you.”, you bite back the urge to correct her, saying that hybrids aren´t animals, like she makes it appear. You´ve met Hei Ryung´s hybrid before, a cute Pomeranian girl, just a bit older than you, but your parents could never find that out, the risk of you and the staff at home being punished was far too high. The last time you got punished you were not only grounded for two weeks, but you also weren´t allowed to attend your ballet classes, which was the only thing, other than school work, you got to do in your spare time.

Sensing that you aren´t going to argue back, your mother puts a smile on, “See, waiting till school isn´t that bad. Also, you need to train more, you´ve got a competition coming and I´ve seen you dance, you still need a lot of practice if you even want to attempt to win a medal.”

Ouch, you swallow. Your mother has always been your strongest critic, always finding something you could´ve done better. Still, you nod, knowing that with her last words the conversation was over and you should go practice.

Practice always ended with your muscles hurting, you weren´t dancing on pointe, your teacher saying you are still too young to dance like that, much to your mothers dismay. If it were up to her you would probably have started wearing pointe shoes as soon as you could walk and you were thankful, that none of your past teachers let her have any say in your training. You were training every day, four times a week with your teacher, the rest of the week alone, sometimes the staff came to watch, but now you think they might have been a bit worried about a six year old girl spending most of her time either in school or the practice room.

.-.-.-..-..-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

You were alone again, both of your parents not being at home wasn´t something new. In fact, you hadn´t seen your father in almost three weeks, some business trip to Europe, though he promised to come to your competition in a week. You weren´t sure what your father was doing to earn as much money as he did, you just knew it had something to do with a lot of deals and signed papers, that made him swear in his study upstairs.

As for your mother, you really weren´t sure what she was doing, other than spending your fathers money, though she always said “our money”, but you weren´t asking, you learned fast that, if you are a child, people don´t really care about your opinion (or you in general) and therefore don´t feel the need to talk to you. You overheard her talking to kitchen staff, explaining that she was going on an important trip to Bali for a few weeks (as you grew older you learned that her trips to Bali weren´t really of important nature, more of needy and lying nature, but that´s a different story).

It was always the same; your parents leaving you alone with the staff at home, you´ve come to see them more as your family than your actual family.

Your nanny always took pity on you, when you were training the whole day, letting you watch some TV in the evening, something your parents never allowed you, telling you it´s a distraction, though you found yourself more at ease the next morning as when you would have gone straight to bed or studied some more instead. The kitchen staff also had a soft spot for you, always receiving a strict diet for you from your mother, which left the cook speechless. You never really knew if your diet plan was different than your usual plan, seeing as the chef never made it when your parents were gone. You overheard him talking to you nanny once, complaining how you would become too skinny and weak if he were to actually cook what your mother planned for you. “Sometimes I think she´s crazy”, you once heard them whisper, “That´s not a diet for a child, not that a child should ever be on a diet. The portion size she wants me make is ridiculous, if I would make one dish and give everyone this portion I bet you I could feed half the street!”, the chef raged, he had been your cook since you could think and you sometimes think of him as your father or uncle by the way he cared for you. Your nanny agreed quietly, it wasn´t a secret how the staff thought about your parents, but the chef wasn´t done, you heard paper rustling and figured he was showing her the plan your mother made for you. “Two dishes per day. That woman has no clue how to feed a child. She wants her to eat only two times a day and then compete at a competitive sports competition.”

Needless to say, the staff took better care of you than your parents ever could. Which is why you were now sitting in the far back of the garden, with a box of cookies and a bottle of soda on your side. Today had been your dance competition, you won, but neither your mother, nor your father were there to witness, only your nanny, who gave you a tight hug after you came down. Your nanny was always there for you, always praising you and giving you little rewards for your good work. She and the kitchen staff saw, that though you won, you were still upset over your absent parents, so they told you to go enjoy yourself in the garden and they would bring snacks for you.

After they arrived with the cookies and the soda, you went off to your secret hiding spot in the garden. You knew no one could see you there, leaving you alone to your upset thoughts and snacks that you still didn´t touch.

You remember thinking, that maybe your parents were upset with you and decided not to come as a punishment, or maybe some important business hindered them from coming and they would call in a bit. Your six year old brain couldn´t accept the possibility of your parents simply not caring, it had to be something you did. Your thoughts were interrupted by a rustling coming from the bushes, you sit up straight, “Hello?” you call out. The rustling stops and a figure starts to rise, the first thing you see are... bunny ears? Then a head and in front of you stands a boy, not much older than you. A hybrid. In your garden? You quickly turn around, looking back to the house and let out a relieved breath when you see no one.

“What are you doing here?” you ask the boy as you turn around. He looks at you with big eyes; he looked scared, ready to run if danger should approach. “I was walking around” he explains and you raise your eyebrows, “In my garden?” The boy turned red, “I didn´t know that was your garden, I´m sorry, please don´t call the police”, he begs, suddenly in full on panic mode. Your eyes widen and you take him in, he was skinny, his clothes were dirty and he looked like he hadn´t had a good night’s rest in a long time. He´s a stray.

You raise your hands in surrender, letting him know, that you didn´t plan on calling the police or anyone on him. “Don´t worry”, you promise, “I´m not calling anyone. Are you hungry?” You offer him your unopened box of cookies. His eyes grew even wider and he surprises you by sitting down across from you. “You don´t mind?” he asked and you shake your head, opening the box and putting it down in front of him. “I´m y/n” you grin at the boy, who already had one cookie stuffed in his mouth. He replied, but you didn´t understand a single word, causing you to giggle, “I´m sorry, I don´t speak cookie or is your name cookie?” you giggle again, causing the boy in front of you to turn red, he swallows and speaks again, “I´m Jungkook, but I don´t mind you calling me Kookie”, he grins.

.-.-.-..-..-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The following days were probably some of the best in your life so far, thanks to your new friend. Whenever you could, you would sneak out loads of food and drinks, concerned by Jungkooks small figure. But he always insisted on you joining him eat, to which you only replied with a small smile, saying you already ate. You couldn’t risk your mother finding out that you ate something other than what´s on her diet plan for you or even worse, her seeing that you gained weight. The training she would then put you under is one you never want to repeat.

You saw that Jungkook didn´t believe you when you said you ate, he could probably smell if you ate or not, he once told you, that your house never really smelled of food, you only shrugged, not really knowing what to say. But he never said anything, not till the day he saw you almost faint on your way to your secret hideout in the back of the garden, where he was already waiting for you. As you arrived you let yourself fall back against the tree. “y/n”, Jungkook´s voice asked worried. You looked at your friend and smiled, “I´m alright Kookie, just a bit tired from practice. Don´t worry.” Your friend looked unconvinced and he got proven right, as he heard your stomach rumble. “You should eat y/n-ah. When did you even eat the last time?” You wave your hand, “You worry too much. I ate this morning and my mother comes home tonight, so I´ll eat with her this evening.” The bunny hybrid looked confused in your direction. “But what about lunch, didn´t you eat something now? You can´t just eat two times a day” he exclaimed.

The concept of you eating lunch is so strange in your mind that it´s your turn to look confused. You later realised, that even when your mother was gone, the staff gave you only two dishes a day, so you wouldn´t get used to eating three times a day. If your mother were to find out you would eat more times a day than she liked, the staff and you would be in big trouble. But your six year old you didn´t understand that at this time, eating three times a day was something you never did. Why eat lunch, when you could´ve also practised at that time?

“My mother says I don´t need to eat three times a day, I would get fat and then the judges won’t like my dances at the competitions anymore” you explain with a shrug, missing the way Jungkook tensed, he decided in that moment, that he doesn´t like your mother. How would you get fat? You first had to stop being underweight and from what he gathered, the only things you do are study, dance and meet up with him.

The sun started to go down and you knew you had to leave your friend soon. “Listen Jungkook”, you started and his ears straightened up, as you addressed him by his name, not the nickname you called him since your first day, “My mother will arrive today, my father probably too. They are pretty strict-” “Are they gonna lock you away for talking to me? Are they gonna lock me away?!” You quickly took his hands in yours, calming him almost instantly. “No no no, nothing’s going to happen to you”, you promised, “My parents, they, they can never know about you, okay Kookie. They are not nice”, Jungkook frowned, not liking the idea to leave you alone with the mean people who don´t feed you and apparently don´t like hybrids, he remembered his first question. “y/n. Are they going to look you away?” You shrug, “Maybe, I don´t know if I did something yet.” You don´t look at him, you can imagine what he looked like, probably mad, he was the scariest seven year old you had ever seen. “What do you mean, you don´t know yet, wouldn´t you know if you did something?” You give him a wary smile, “Sometimes I don´t know what I did until they tell me, Kookie. Maybe I gained weight; maybe my dance is not good enough. They would want me to fix my mistakes. That´s why you maybe won´t see me for a while. I just wanted to tell you, so you don´t worry even more” you giggle a bit and poke his cheek, “If you keep frowning like this, you´ll have wrinkles as soon as you turn ten.”

If it were up to Jungkook, he would grab you and bring you as far away from those people as he possibly could. He didn´t have a family, never had, the streets are all he ever had and remembered, but even with no knowledge about family and love Jungkook knew, that what you had in this house, was neither. Before you left, you told him, he should keep the snacks and eat them, he shouldn´t wait for you and Jungkook didn´t understand how you could be so concerned about him eating enough, but still neglected your own needs so much. He wanted to help you so bad, but he was only seven.

And your worries came true, you didn´t see Jungkook for two weeks. The next time you were allowed to go out, he noticed that you were skinnier, but he didn´t say anything as you koala-hugged him.

.-.-.-..-..-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Five years ago (Reader 16/ JK 17)

It was a bit past midday when your parents left, leaving you alone once again. The only difference, this time, not even the staff stayed with you, this was a first, but it left you buzzing with excitement. It meant that you had could have Jungkook staying over for two weeks. Over the years your friendship with the bunny blossomed into one of the best things you could´ve ever asked for.

Your parents never noticed the teenager living in the small shed in the back of the garden. You both quickly realised, that it would be way too risky sneaking Jungkook into the house with your parents present. Their distaste for hybrids only grew over the years, since the government gave them more rights, giving the hybrids at least a bit of independence, though they were still nowhere near having the same rights as humans.

This wasn´t the first time Jungkook stayed over, over the years you tried to let him stay over as often as possible. It did help a lot that the staff in your home found out and decided to help, no longer questioning why to took so much food with you whenever you went to the garden.

Though, this was the first time they ever left you completely alone, you didn´t know why, but you didn´t question it, relieved to be able to spent time with your best friend, without having to worry about him. Your mother had given you a detailed plan of your diet, which you couldn´t help but follow, not having realised yet, that all those diets weren´t really as healthy as your mother claimed.

You were eating an apple, a snack you allowed yourself to enjoy, seeing as your next real meal would still have to wait a few hours, though you weren´t even that hungry yet. You just needed something to focus on while waiting for Jungkook and you knew it made him happy to see you eat.

You sat down on one of the garden chairs, waiting for the bunny to show up, though you didn´t need to wait long, as you saw his tall figure already approaching. “Hello little dancer”, he grinned, pulling you into a bone crashing hug, he eyed the apple in your hand with a satisfied smile. Over the years Jungkook grew up quite well, he was now towering over you and you couldn´t deny, that he was getting more and more handsome.

You smiled and pulled him into the dining room, “I figured you´d be pretty hungry by now, so I prepared some food for you, then we can relax for the rest of the day.” You had prepared some steamed vegetables and chicken, knowing that Jungkook loved your cooking. He frowned as he saw that you wouldn´t be eating with him, but he choose not to say anything, it was your first day and he wouldn´t want to argue with you immediately. He started to dig in, almost scoffing at how much you prepared for one person. “You don´t need to practice today?” he asked confused, normally you would be training every day, especially seeing as you had a show in a few days. You smiled a bit sheepishly, “I got up earlier today and did my hours”, already knowing how Jungkooks face would look like you chose to study the picture on the wall in front of you. Your training hours were absolutely ridiculous in Jungkook´s opinion. Sometimes practicing up to ten hours if you didn´t have to study for school, he dreaded thinking about the hours you spent training today.

He finished eating and you started to clean the table, while Jungkook went and took a quick shower. You also started to look for movies on Netlix that he would like, both of you loved movies, but Jungkook never had the opportunity to watch them and you never had the time.

Jungkook came back, letting himself fall down next to you, arm around you shoulder, pulling you close. His was hair slightly wet and he had changed into new clothes, which you had bought for him. You stared at him, he really was handsome. You blushed at your own thoughts, but you couldn´t help but feel attracted to him. He noticed you staring at him, seeing as he was also busy staring at you, the chosen movie in the back forgotten.

“Kookie?” you asked quietly and he looked at you waiting for you to continue. “Do you want to come with me on Tuesday? To my show?” A smile broke out on his face, his ears straightening up, eyes wide. “Are you for real? Yes I´d love to”, but his smile fell as quickly as it came. “Do they allow hybrids there? How could I get in?” You frowned, you hadn´t thought about that. Then an idea plopped in your head and you took all your courage to speak it out loud. “We´ll just say you´re my boyfriend. They won´t question you if you cover your ears and you´ll be backstage with me.” The bunny thought about that idea and his smile returned, though there was mischief sparkling in his eyes. “Only if I get to give you a well done kiss after you´re done. Like a good boyfriend would.” Never has the usually shy bunny been so forward about anything and your breath stocked, but you found yourself nodding. No matter how shy you were, you couldn´t let the chance to kiss your crush and best friend fly away. He grinned and pulled you closer, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek, causing you to hide yourself in his chest. “Watch out mister” you warned, poking his chest. The bunny only laughed at your flustered state.

.-.-.-..-..-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Nervous. That´s the word that would describe you the best right now. You had already thrown up in the morning, leaving Jungkook worried, asking if you were really in the condition to perform. You had waved it off, telling him that´s how you are before every show, which didn´t seem to comfort him at all. Though your best friend and maybe boyfriend or fake boyfriend (who knows) stayed with you for the last couple of days, you didn´t really find any more time to relax, spending most of our days practicing. Jungkook didn´t seem to mind though, he started using the gym next to your dance room. Your parents never seem to use it anyway, so it wasn´t really a problem and Jungkook came to love having an outlet for all his energy. In the evenings both of you were too tired to cook, meaning empty take out containers were piling up in the kitchen.

“You got this” Jungkook murmured, warm hand lying comforting on your lower back. You were backstage already, wearing your plush bathrobe to keep you from freezing in your dance outfit. It wasn´t as hard as expected to take Jungkook with, a beanie covering his ears, his tail comfortable tucked away in his pants covered by a nice dress shirt you had bought him a while ago. You stood on your pointe shoes, still not being on eye level with the bunny but close, and hugged him.

“What if my mother finds out? Oh I shouldn´t have done this, maybe I can-“ you were interrupted by a pair of lips on yours, you felt yourself sinking into his strong hold. Jungkook smiled at you with the softest smile you had ever seen. He knew you were worried about your piece.

It was contemporary ballet, a form of ballet your mother despised. She was all for classical ballet, often making you train with the Cecchetti method, which Jungkook found out to be really hard on the body, no longer surprised why you were so drained after your lessons. But you had told him one day, that though you do love this form of ballet, you had started to fall in love with neoclassical and contemporary ballet. It was more modern, allowing you to bring more of yourself in your dance, Jungkook didn´t really know anything about ballet, so he had just nodded, but after seeing you dance in both, a classical and modern way, he understood why you liked the modern form so much.

“Hey, calm down, little dancer” he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You looked up to him with big eyes, he had just kissed you. Jungkook kissed you, and you found yourself craving his kiss again. “You worry too much, stop thinking about if something is a mistake. Maybe this kiss was a mistake, who knows, but it didn´t feel like it, I liked it and I know you did too. You like dancing contemporary, so do it, your mother isn´t here to support you or critic you. I´m here and I´ll support anything you do.” Touched by his words you found yourself hugging him closer than before. “Oh, what would I do without you?” you asked, playing with his hair that wasn´t covered by the beanie.

“y/n y/l/n! Ready to perform in ten, please move to the curtains!” came the loud voice of the director. Slowly Jungkook let you go, “You´ll do great, alright? Just have fun” the bunny smiled at you. You decided to collect all the courage you had and looked into Jungkook´s eyes, “Don´t I get a good luck kiss?” The male’s eyes twinkle and he can hardly contain a smile, “You get a well done kiss when you´re done, little dancer” You pout, but you know arguing with bunny won´t work, so you just sigh in defeat. Jungkook chuckled as he realised that there will be no arguing, he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Go on little dancer, show me what you got. I´ll be right here when you get back.”

With those last words you moved towards the stage, ready to dance your heart out, but you felt oddly calm. With no doubt thanks to the bunny who was cheering you on from the side. The music started and you have never felt so free dancing.

And as promised was Jungkook waiting for you after your performance, you jumped into his waiting arms, “You did so well, you are amazing” he pressed little kisses all over your face, till he finally reached your lips. Needless to say, today was a good day and something told you, that it could only get better with Jungkook next to you, holding you close.

.-.-.-..-..-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The past one and a half weeks had to be the best you’ve ever had. Life with Jungkook couldn´t have been easier and dread filled your chest, as you thought about how your parents would be arriving today and some part of you wished they wouldn´t. Jungkook noticed your mood change too and tried everything he could to make you feel better, not even complaining about how you skipped breakfast this morning, which you knew took a lot for him. You were stood in the kitchen; the bunny had his arms wrapped around you, hugging you from behind, watching as you were gathering the ingredients to make you guys a shake. Occasionally he would sneak a kiss to your neck or cheek.

But all that froze, as you both watched a police car park in your driveway. “Hide”, was the only thing you said, as the doorbell rang and Jungkook didn´t have to be told twice, as he hid in the guest bathroom next to the front door. He was a bit confused, seeing as normally hybrid control would come to collect stray animals and these cops didn´t even have dogs with them, but he didn´t want to risk it, almost holding his breath as you opened the door.

“Good evening”, you greeted politly, though Jungkook could hear the slight tremble and smell your panic. He wanted to jump out of the bathroom and hold you close, never wanting you to feel scared if he could prevent it.

“Good evening, Miss y/l/n, can we come in, we have some bad news for you? It´s about your parents.”

Time slowed down as you received the news. Your parents died. The blood in your ears rushed, you had trouble making out what they said. You heard that they were asking if they should call someone, but there wasn´t anyone you could call. You had no family here; the only person you wanted was hiding in your guest bathroom down the hall, probably hearing every word.

The police told you, that in the next days a lawyer would stop by to explain to you what would be happening next, you were still underage with no family. They were asking you, if you would want to sleep in a supervised home today, but you shook your head, explaining with shaky voice that the staff would be arriving tomorrow morning and you wouldn´t be alone. After the police left you sank to the floor, “Kookie”, you croaked, vision blurred with tears. You felt strong hands pulling you into a hug, “I´m here y/n. I´m here.”

Taglist: Open, just ask!

Hope you enjoyed!

372 notes · View notes

reiven2017 · 3 years

Text

Delicate steel.

Chapter 3.

Lately, she felt worse than usual and listening to the words of the teachers, Rachel knew that she should listen, or at least not be distracted, but all she had the strength to do was just slowly watch from the side as her brain turns off and her soul leaves her mind. It was a strange state of emptiness. If only old death would mock her, taking away, then returning life and watching it as if it were a scene from a TV series. Rachel just snorted at the flow of bad thoughts. But no matter how much Roth tried to deny reality, reality did not want to leave her and Raven had to admit to herself that after unsuccessful attempts...she's getting worse.

Rachel barely flinched when the disgusting ringing of the school bell reached her ears and shivered again, shifting in her chair. It was chemistry, this subject had never caused Raven any problems or not ligaments, but now she frowned at the barely completed test and in one quick movement shoved it into the pile of others, wondering what would happen after. The figure should not worry Rachel much, but for some reason she felt like a fool.

Raven clucked disapprovingly at her behavior, attracting the attention of some people. If she's going to keep whining, she should at least wait until she gets home. She looked around the audience, stumbled upon the fact that half of the class had safely left the lesson, and the other was intensely discussing the test and finding nothing interesting for herself, pushing her chair back with a creak, began to collect things.

For some reason, this action aroused the silent interest of her classmates. They gave her a close look and Rachel was sure that she heard the word "Mouth and strange" several times in their sentences, but decided to keep it to herself, only smiling with one corner of her lips at this. She was quite calm in such situations. Rachel never tried to have communication with someone and this was the norm in her behavior, even when it caused disapproval from society, she simply allowed people to call herself a country. The only mistake in the conversations at the last school made much to be desired and left some scars on her, so Raven with firm confidence did not want to repeat this. Rachel winced wearily, feeling a subtle tingle in her temples and she stopped in the doorway of the classroom.

Of course, we didn't need Rachel Roth's migraine for a full ass.

======

The road to the house took no more than half an hour and Raven breathed a sigh of relief when she saw a white fence in front of her and a strange garden gnome who reminded her of a homeless man. She slipped through the fence, hoping that she did not fall under the attention of her very sensitive neighbor, Mrs. Rogers, who considered it her civic and even heroic duty to monitor every plot standing on the street. Rachel glanced at the windows in the neighbor's house, noticing that the lights were not on anywhere and mentally thanked God for such luck.

Mrs. Rogers was a plump lady, in the very, as she herself said, the dawn of strength and energy, with a rather fancy nachos on her head resembling a poodle. She had narrow blue eyes, but she always looked at everyone with a squint that seemed from a distance it was only two blue stripes. She had a button-up nose, like the most aristocratic lady, and she always kept white gloves on the belt of her floral dresses. In general, she was such a not very kind, but very curious woman with an overestimated sense of elegance and royal chic. So when Mrs. Rogers saw Rachel on the eve of the party in shabby jeans and a stretched T-shirt and Oh my God!without a bra, it seemed to the girl that she was declared war without any warning.

For this reason, now the Mouth was trying very hard not to catch her eye. She didn't care much about this woman's opinion, she always felt like talking to her during an interrogation and wondered if other people had the same thing, but it was easier to get around the problem than listening to an hour-long monologue about how Lady should behave.

Rachel darted across the yard just as quickly, almost hitting a flower pot and killing lilies, when the front door finally closed behind her. She cast a frown at her sneakers, with the remaining pieces of earth from the battle with the lilies, and was reaching to take them off when she heard her mother's voice coming from the kitchen. - Ria, is that you? She heard her mother talking to Ben in the kitchen, too quietly for Rachel to hear, but enough to arouse suspicion and the girl mentally tensed. From the kitchen there was a variety of different smells of food and it was quite strange for an ordinary Friday. Rachel finished with her shoes and was about to dive to the second floor, annoying herself on the topic of why her mother was so prepared, when the doorbell rang behind her, and voices were heard on the street. She could recognize this voice from a thousand others.

Oh, no.

Mrs. Rogers.

Raven was ready to literally howl with despair.

Angela came around the corner in time, dressed in a blue dress and with perfectly smoothed brown hair, which was a rarity, and clicked disapprovingly at her daughter's martyred expression. - Don't make such a plaintive look, honey, yesterday I told you that I invited our neighbors to our house for dinner. - Rachel stupidly patted her eyes looking at her mother. Mrs. Roth's eyes narrowed menacingly. - Just don't you dare say that you forgot. Raven batted her lashes again, but her mind was still racing.

Oh, yes, that day you decided to listen to Rachel Roth.

- We will talk about this topic again, young lady. - her mother finished sternly, and Raven realized that her death was close and was willing to at least die at the hands of her own mother than from the chatter of Mrs. Rogers. Angela pulled a smile to her ears, rushed to open the door to the guests. Rachel wearily lowered her gaze to the floor and her eyes involuntarily widened. Hands.

Fuck.

Rachel continued to pick at the vegetable stew with her fork, remotely listening to the conversations of adults. It had been an hour since their friendly neighborly gatherings and Raven was ready to personally dig a secret passage with a spoon to escape. At first, she received a contemptuous look from Mrs. Rogers, then she found out that Mr. Rogers was quite silent and neutral in his behavior, which Raven immediately liked, the next shock was that this woman has a child and even more, the same age as Rachel, and this gave way to a conversation on the topic " They will become friends!".

Raven lifted a despondent gaze from her plate and looked at the opposite side. Amelia Rogers. Yes, if Rachel imagined her neighbor's child, then everything was not so sad in her thoughts. Her curly blonde hair was pulled back into a tight bun and tied with a pink bow, a white cardigan, a mint knee-length skirt from probably Grandma Raven's time, and shoes. A set like from the TV series Poirot for some flower seller whose husband died on the same flowers. Not that Raven was the one who judged people by their clothes, but she judged by Mrs. Rogers. She carefully watched how Amelia sits, sometimes says something quietly, and then buries herself in her plate. Rachel couldn't stand it. Mrs. Rogers didn't even stop watching the girl as she ate.

Probably in my mind calculating whether she holds her elbow at the right angle.

The thought made Rachel chuckle softly, and she immediately regretted it when Mrs. Rogers ' narrowed gaze fell on her. Raven swallowed hard. She was ready to sink through the ground even if only to avoid the beginning tragedies from this look.

- Mrs. Roth, I heard from Amelia that your daughter has become one of the best students in the school in such a short time. - Rachel appeared, or she heard the teeth of this stone woman grinding. She cast a quick glance at Angela, who was smiling broadly like any mother, pleased with the praise of her child, looked at Amelia sitting in front of her, holding her breath, and mentally groaned. This was the beginning of a great tragedy.

- Yes, Rachel can be proud in this regard. Studying has always been quite easy for her. Raven smiled tightly at her mother, hoping that everyone present would believe this, but she continued to watch Mrs. Rogers carefully from under her brows. She looked sternly at her daughter, pursing her lips, seeming to accuse her of something that was clear only to them, and Rachel frowned. And what was that just now?

- It's wonderful, it's great when children spend time studying. Angela would have liked to put in a word, but Mrs. Rogers continued sweetly without paying attention to her. - Although, when I first saw Rachel, I did not think that Amelia meant her. - The woman smiled sweetly, covering her rather unpleasant words and sipped her tea as if nothing had happened. - Jeans, a split T-shirt and hair...I will always be categorical against an unnatural hair color and I could not even imagine that this girl would overtake my daughter over the past few weeks. Raven was sorry she hadn't put laxatives in her tea. She looked at her mother, who was taken aback for a moment, not knowing how to react to these words, but then she caught herself and tried to put a friendly tone in her voice. "Rachel, honey, would you be so kind as to show Amelia your room?" At the sound of her name, Amelia jerked her head up and looked at Rachel for the first time. Roth thought she saw a flicker of interest in her eyes. Rei nodded dryly to her mother and did not even look at the guests as she left the table. Raven waited for Amelia to follow her before leading her to her room on the second floor.

As soon as the door to her room closed, Rachel wasn't the only one who breathed a sigh of relief. - Fuck.

Fuck.

Raven did not immediately realize that these words came from the mouth of that sunny girl Amelia. Who had not uttered a word at the table under the gaze of her mother and who was now sitting impressively cross-legged on her bed. Amelia continued in a tone that didn't match her outfit at all. "Sometimes?" Raven arched a questioning eyebrow at her, receiving a short laugh from the girl in response. She shook her head thoughtfully, and then smiled wryly. - Okay, always. - Amelia.. - Amy. Call me Amy. I can't stand being called Amelia. after a pause, she added cheerfully. - I feel like a flower in a flower bed. Raven smiled with one corner of her lips. She liked Amy better than Amelia.

Amy stood up, her eyes caught on the poster on the wall and smiled.

- I'm glad to find someone in this hole who appreciates the Rolling Stones band. Amy Rogers is always at your service. she held out her hand to Rachel in a friendly gesture, and Roth returned the gesture. She smiled wryly, looking at this handshake, but inwardly shuddered with panic and mental pleading. Her heart began to beat faster, and Raven swallowed hard, unlike Amy, her palm was not so perfect. Raven hoped that this would go unnoticed by her new friend.

- Rachel Ariella Roth. But you can call me Raven. - she saw a playful smile flash across the face of her new friend.

- Wow. I thought they called me shit. Rachel rolled her eyes at this comment, her palm remained in Amy's grip and she still felt the tension in the muscle from this contact. She noticed how Amy was carefully examining her from head to toe, lingering on Raven's hair, which was scattered around her shoulders in disarray, and was already ready for another portion of ridicule.

- And to be honest, the hair fell off the heads. Is it pink? Or purple? My conservative maman will probably allow me to paint mine only in the next life. - Amelia continued cheekily, releasing her hand from her mouth and from her grip and sitting down on the bed again, tucking her legs under her. Raven hoped that Amy didn't hear her soft sigh and glanced at her palm, crossed her arms over her chest. She swallowed convulsively, thanking God that everything was fine.

- It's not paint. Raven cleared her throat, and Amy stared at her questioningly, eager for an answer. Rachel already mentally regretted that she continued this topic, and did not say her usual "oh,yes". But to some extent, she really liked Amy, which is already difficult to do, especially considering that they have only known each other for a couple of hours and it will not be possible to return their words. - I was born with this hair color. - Cool. Amy said in surprise, but immediately grabbed the phone when the melodious symphony of the bell rang. Raven smiled to herself. She was sure that Mrs. Rogers had chosen the bell. Roth saw a flash of displeasure on Amy's face and she made a displeased grimace at Raven. - Yes, Mom...I got it, okay, I'm already going down. - Amy dropped the call, muttering something else into the phone with displeasure, and Rachel could almost feel how she swore so dirty. Amy jumped to her feet deftly, straightening her skirt and straightening up, smoothly walked past Rachel. - Well, what? Do I look like my maman? Amy asked, twirling her eyebrows merrily. - No...and this is good. - Amelia laughed. - I like you, Raven. - she said honestly, and Raven stared at her stupidly, having no idea how to react. - It was nice to meet you, I hope I'll see you at school tomorrow?

Rachel smiled softly at this and nodded curtly. Amy seemed satisfied with this answer, and with a parting wink at Raven, she headed for the exit. Just as she was leaving the threshold and closing the door, Amelia suddenly stopped and nodded at the box in the corner of the room. - And what happened to the mirror? Rachel swallowed dryly and suddenly felt like she was running out of air. - I squeezed my mouth out of myself, and bit the inside of my cheek, trying to show something like a smile.

======

Last night, she found herself really looking at her figure in front of the mirror. Her skin became several shades lighter, even having a natural dead pallor and convinced that there was nowhere else to go on white, Rachel looked at herself in the mirror with mute surprise, noting how ghostly and angular her body had become.

Not that she considered herself an ideal of beauty before, no, Raven was normal, and her hair was quite abnormal, it was a riot of colors from the roots to the tips, but now it was strangely frightening to look at her body and not recognize it in the reflection of the mirror. Her numerous tattoos contrasted so vividly with her skin that they seemed to glow with black funnels and Rachel was unable to understand and determine the time when her body became alien to her.

The girl gently ran her fingertips along the curves of her body, circled the roughly protruding collarbones, followed the bone on her wrist with her eyes, and with a contemptuous grimace, pulled her hand away as if from fire. It was painful, scary, and completely unexpected to look at myself.

It's disgusting.

The sarcastic voice of reason sweetly reminded her that this was her handiwork, it was only her own fault, bothering and bothering her every day, it seemed with the sole purpose of driving her crazy and Rachel got angry. Her fists clenched involuntarily, and her knuckles turned white from such pressure, and in the dry silence of the night room, the wet sound of blood drops hitting the tile was cut through. Raven looked down at the floor and bit her lip, feeling the salty taste of tears and tried her best to restrain the plaintive moan that was ready to break from her lips as emotions one by one flooded over her. She frowned, opened and closed her eyes, squinted and threw her head to the ceiling, as if trying to bring back tears from shame, from guilt and excitement, from a caustic feeling of euphoria, but she continued to feel stupid. Oh, Gods, she was so stupid. What happened in the past should not matter in the future. She kept repeating it to herself throughout the whole evening, like a memorized mantra.

And she almost believed it, picking up the fragments of the bloody mirror from the floor.

#ravenrot #damirae #raven #damian x raven #demonbirds

16 notes · View notes

cassandraclare · 4 years

Text

The Anniversary Party

Someone asked me about the flash fiction this month, and I realized I’d sent it out in my newsletter, but forgotten to post it! So here’s the whole Jan/Feb story, in which we get a bit of background on Cordelia and her family. Art by Cassandra Jean, of course! This is the last of the flash fiction stories, and it’s been a pleasure to share them with you!

THE ANNIVERSARY PARTY

FRANCE, 1899....

Cordelia did not like Menton very much. She should have, in theory. Menton was a pretty seaside town, a jumble of pink and yellow buildings along a small harbor, mostly slips for sailboats and some fishing boats. The air was warm and Mediterranean, the fish was exceptionally fresh, she could see Italy from her bedroom window across the far side of the harbor. What was there not to like?

They had come for her father’s health—why else did they go anywhere, after all—and Cordelia could understand why Menton had a reputation as a healing destination for the sick and the elderly. Indeed, her father’s health had rebounded since their arrival a few weeks earlier and he was in a period of good spirits, willing to dance with her in the parlor and even managing to drag a smile out of Alastair on occasion. Alastair had entered a turbulent adolescence, as Cordelia overheard her mother say to her father. Cordelia hoped that when she was Alastair’s age she would maintain her composure a little better than he was managing.

But Menton’s charms quickly faded for her. Its popularity with the sick and the elderly meant that the town’s population had a large proportion of both, and while Cordelia wished them all well, they did not offer her much in the way of companions or even adults interested in conversation with a girl for whom French was her third language, and not very strong. The beach turned out to be made not of sand but of large round pebbles—Cordelia had never heard of such a thing, a beach made of rocks, very uncomfortable on bare feet, not pleasant to lie on, and offering no opportunity for building castles or digging trenches.

Worst of all, her parents continued to be as antisocial as ever, making no efforts to reach out to the local Shadowhunter community (the closest Institute being in Marseilles). And so Cordelia was alone. Sometimes she was alone with Alastair, but he mostly ignored her, and even so they were both duly sick of each other’s sole company after a week.

The only source of relief was the knowledge that this, too, would pass—the Carstairs family moved constantly, obsessively, for the sake of her father’s health. Cordelia could never understand the logic of it, except that she agreed that it was worth doing anything if it meant her father’s wellbeing. In this case, it was a bit of a relief. She knew they would not stay in Menton more than a few months.

This was, she felt, why she was so alone. Her family never stayed anywhere long enough for her to meet anyone her age, much less make friends. Her only real friends in the world were Lucie and James Herondale, and only because, Cordelia knew, Will and Tessa Herondale had always worked very hard to make sure that their children saw the younger Carstairs. It was still a rare treat to see them, as the Herondales ran the London Institute, and thus were usually in London, and occasionally in Idris, while Cordelia and her family were all over the map.

And here again, the Herondales came to her rescue, this time in the form of a letter her father read aloud at the breakfast table.

“’Good morning, Elias and Sona,’ – I say, how would he know what time of day we’d read it, the man is mad as a hatter—”

“We are reading it in the morning, though,” Cordelia said. Her father gave her an indulgent smile and went on.

“’It is a capital day here in London, and I hope it will be a capital day in Paris six weeks hence, when Tessa and I will celebrate our nineteenth wedding anniversary. As it is not the custom of any known culture to make a to-do out of the nineteenth wedding anniversary, we have decided to throw an enormous party.’”

“A ball!” cried Cordelia, but a worry poked at her. Would her parents attend such a thing? Her father was frowning at the letter, but possibly he was simply trying to make the words out better without his glasses.

“It’s not a ball,” said Alastair, who had stopped halfway down the stairway to listen.

“’A ball, if you will,’” her father read on. “Well done, Cordelia.”

Cordelia stuck out her tongue at Alastair.

“’We would love if you and your darling children would join us…if you would do us the pleasure of responding…,’ et cetera, et cetera…” Her father scanned the letter. “And then it has the date and the address and all that.”

“It started out strong, but it ended in something of an anticlimax,” Alastair said.

“Can we go?” Cordelia said eagerly. “Can we please? I would so like to see Lucie and James. And maybe I’d meet some of the people Lucie talks about in her letters!”

“I would like to see anyone at all other than you lot,” said Alastair mildly. “No offense intended.”

“Alastair!” Sona scolded, but Cordelia was not about to let Alastair distract from the main point. She redoubled her efforts in the direction of her father.

“Papa, can we go, please? You’ve recovered so well, surely a trip of only a few days would be possible. Don’t you want Shadowhunter society to see how well you are?”

“Hm,” her father said. He looked at her mother, who looked back. They exchanged a series of incomprehensible looks with one another.

“If you think it would be a good idea,” Sona said to Elias. Cordelia’s father gave Cordelia a long look. Cordelia tried to catch Alastair’s eye, but he’d turned away and was looking with disgust into the middle distance, a typical expression for him these days.

“I think we could manage a train trip and a few days in Paris,” her father allowed. “I do adore Paris.”

Cordelia threw her arms around him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Cordelia spent the next weeks in a state of constant dread. She didn’t dare remind her parents of the upcoming trip, lest they remember that they had intended to cancel and not attend after all. It had happened before, but never before for an event in which Cordelia had a strong investment.

But when the event was a few days away, her father brought up the timetable of the Calais-Méditerrannée Express train at breakfast. Tickets were bought, bags packed, and still Cordelia could barely believe it when she found herself the evening before the party, pulling into the Gare du Nord in an elegant blue train car, clutching her hands in her lap in anticipation: Paris, at last she was in Paris! She would see her future parabatai, and her brother, and the cream of Shadowhunter society, and she would do so in Paris.

The next day found her gazing into the full-length mirror in their rooms at the Hôtel Continental on the Rue de Rivoli and wondering that she was even the same girl who had been miserably pining away a few days before. Her mother had helped her select her dress, a frothy lemon confection of lace and silk. She wasn’t entirely sure it suited her, but it was very elegant.

Even Alastair regarded her with something in the neighborhood of admiration when he came in to fetch his gloves. “You look surprisingly mature,” he told her. Cordelia thought that was probably equivalent to a full swoon, for Alastair. For his part, he was clearly aiming at “mature” as well, having put on a brown sack coat with only one of its buttons buttoned, and having dared to apply a dab of pomade to his black hair, which, Cordelia had to admit, did make it shine compellingly.

“You look like you’ll be trying to impress someone at the party,” Cordelia teased him. “Anyone in particular?”

“Everyone,” Alastair sniffed. “Everyone that is anyone.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes.

Her father was in high spirits as they entered the carriage a short time later, joking and laughing. Her mother was quiet, watching her husband with a smile and a considering expression, and that is how they were for the entire ride to the Paris Institute.

She had been practicing her French, and when the imposing figure of Madame Bellefleur greeted them at the Institute door with a paragraph of rapid-fire enthusiasm and questions, she understood them: welcome, how was their journey, isn’t it frightfully chilly tonight. She began to think of a reply, and found that her entire speaking ability in the French language had departed her brain in exactly that moment.

Her father’s French was fluid and expert, and Cordelia felt a little rush of pride as he said, “Madame Bellefleur, dear! You are looking as lovely as ever, Odile. But what has become of you, that you’ve fallen so far to be working the door?”

Madame Bellefleur laughed, a hearty chuckle that made Cordelia like her immediately. “I sent the maid off to enjoy herself. I like answering the door, Elias — it may be the Herondales’ party, but it’s my Institute.”

Inside, Cordelia slipped away from her parents as soon as it was feasible and went to look for her friends. It took her all of five minutes to become hopelessly lost. Unlike any Institute she had been in before, this one was laid out as a labyrinthine series of interconnected salons. Each looked much like the last, and was crowded with adults, none of whom Cordelia knew, and most of whom were speaking in rapid French. She had not spotted a single Herondale, and the clatter and chatter of the party guests was beginning to make her feel less like a young sophisticate at the ball and more like a little girl who had lost her mother at the market.

Out of nowhere came a whirlwind of petticoats, which turned out happily to be Lucie Herondale, throwing herself into Cordelia’s arms with great force and a squeal of delight. “Cordelia, Cordelia, you must come, Christopher is going to teach us how to eat fire!”

“I’m sorry?” Cordelia said politely, but Lucie was already pulling her toward the door to the next salon. “Who is Christopher?”

“Christopher Lightwood, of course. My cousin. He saw a man eating fire in Covent Garden and he said he’d worked out how to do it. He’s very scientific, Christopher.” Lucie’s progress was stopped short, and Cordelia looked up to see a tall, slender older girl, with dark hair braided atop her head and a striking look. She was wearing a lacy blue dress without much enthusiasm. She raised her eyebrows and stared Lucie down. “And this is his sister Anna,” Lucie said, as though she’d planned the encounter.

“Christopher will not be eating any fire,” said Anna, “or indeed anything other than the canapes tonight.”

Lucie said, “Anna, this is Cordelia Carstairs; she’s going to be my parabatai.” Cordelia felt a rush of affection for her friend—she felt so alone so much of the time, but she wasn’t, not really. She was going to have a parabatai; neither she nor Lucie would ever fully be alone again. Or that’s how she had come to understand it would feel.

Anna, however, merely arched an eyebrow. “Not if Christopher burns the Institute down, she won’t.” She turned her piercing gaze onto Cordelia. “Carstairs?” she said curiously. “What Carstairs?”

Cordelia knew what that was about. She gave Anna a smile. “Jem Carstairs is my second cousin. I only know him a very little bit, unfortunately.” Jem, who had been Lucie’s father’s parabatai, had a long and tragic story that ended with his having become a Silent Brother. He was Brother Zachariah now.

Would he be here? It was strange to imagine among the sparkling, laughing conversation, the clinking of glasses, a parchment-robed silent figure drifting about. But why wouldn’t he be? Lucie spoke of him all the time. Cordelia felt a little frisson of nerve at the thought of meeting him again—eagerness but also worry.

“Any Carstairs is welcome,” Anna smiled back airily. “And obviously any parabatai of Lucie’s is essentially a member of the family. Speaking of which.” She turned back to Lucie. “Don’t encourage Christopher, Lucie. You know how he is.”

“It wasn’t my idea!” Lucie protested. “It’s Matthew who set him on it. You know how he is.”

“I don’t,” said Cordelia mildly.

Lucie gave her a look of wide-eyed horror. “Oh, dear, what kind of host am I? Here is my best friend in the world, and I haven’t even introduced you to everyone! Anna, we must go.” She reached for Cordelia’s hand again.

“It was lovely to meet you,” Cordelia said to Anna.

Anna tipped her glass in Cordelia’s direction with a small smile. “Likewise.”

“All right,” Lucie narrated as she pulled Cordelia into yet another salon. “Matthew is Matthew Fairchild, he’s the consul’s son but don’t worry, he’s all right and not a bit stuck-up about it, and anyway Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Henry ran the London Institute when my Papa was young—he lived there, you know—and they’re over there, actually, hullo Aunt Charlotte!” Lucie waved a hand madly.

Cordelia looked over and quickly spotted Charlotte Fairchild—even someone as socially deprived as she was recognized the Consul—who was in the middle of saying something very serious to a group of equally serious-looking people, and didn’t notice Lucie’s wave. It was funny; Charlotte was tiny, bird-like, and towered over by the men around her, but she had a presence that dominated the room regardless. It was an admirable way to be, Cordelia thought.

Next to Charlotte was a red-headed man in a Bath chair, who did see Lucie wave, and waved back madly himself with a grin. Henry Fairchild. He was too far away for them to speak, but Lucie pointed at Cordelia and raised her eyebrows. Henry raised his hands and exclaimed in pleasure, and Cordelia waved too, a little less madly than the others.

“Is that Matthew with them?” Cordelia said. “The tallish one with his father’s hair?”

Lucie snorted. “Oh no! Matthew would be so offended. That’s his older brother Charles. He’s, well….”

“What?” said Cordelia.

“He’s a little dull.” Lucie had the good manners to look ashamed at her admission. “He’s very interested in politics and Shadowhunter business and all that, and he treats us all like children.”

“We are children.”

“Yes, so is he!” Lucie said impatiently. “But you wouldn’t know it from the way he acts.” She sighed. “He’s an all right sort, though. Next salon!”

With rapid speed Lucie took her through the remainder of the people Lucie considered it important for Cordelia to know. Her Aunt Cecily and her Uncle Gabriel—Gabriel also turned out to be among the group surrounding Charlotte—who were Anna and Christopher’s parents. Her Aunt Sophie, who had worked at the Institute as a mundane and then Ascended and married Gabriel’s brother Gideon.

Gideon, Lucie explained, was not here, because Thomas—oh, it was a shame that Cordelia was not going to meet Thomas, and also Thomas would never have allowed Christopher to get within a mile of fire to eat it, if he had anything to say about it, but anyway Thomas had broken his leg and Gideon had stayed home with him.

“Also there are the older girls,” Lucie said darkly. “Barbara and Eugenia. But they’re not much like us. They’re not even here; they had something else tonight. Can you believe it?”

Cordelia wasn’t sure whether she was supposed to believe it or not believe it, having never met either girl, so she only shook her head understandingly.

“Lucie!” A woman with heaps of curly scarlet hair was advancing on them at speed. “I need someone to help me put out the silver. Congratulations, girl, you’re hired.”

“Bridget,” Lucie protested. “Bridget was my nursemaid, when I was young enough to have a nursemaid,” she explained to Cordelia.

“And now your repayment of my kindness to you continues,” Bridget said sharply, “with the putting out of the silver. Come along.”

“I can help,” offered Cordelia.

Bridget looked offended. “I’ll not have a guest doing work at a party. This one here is hosting the thing.” She dragged off Lucie, who gave Cordelia a beseeching look of apology as she vanished into the crowd.

This left Cordelia back to meandering a bit aimlessly. Perhaps, she thought, she would go back and speak more with Anna, who had been so kind. Perhaps she would seek out her own family and see how they were making out.

Where were her family, though? After a few minutes’ wandering she spotted her mother, who seemed to be unusually in her element, animatedly telling some story to a captivated audience. But she couldn’t find her father, or Alastair, anywhere. It was a large party, surely, but she would have expected her father to be with her mother, or if not, captivating his own audience. Cordelia had been able to tell that he was the second-most excited to go to the party after herself. So where was he?

Perhaps, she thought, he had slipped away to the library. She wanted to get a look at the Institute’s library herself, anyway. She managed enough French to ask directions from one of the waitstaff. It was down an iron spiral staircase, and Cordelia allowed herself to feel like a princess descending a tower.

The library had a tremendously high ceiling, which gave it an airy feel, but on the ground it was crowded with ancient, heavy oaken bookshelves, all of which were piled so densely with books that they were bent over by the weight, and it was astonishing that they had not already collapsed. Cordelia loved the place immediately. It was crumbling, in the most beautiful way possible. The light was warm and orange, and dust motes floated in it. It smelled pleasantly of must and old paper, and here and there were chairs of cracked, heavily aged and stained red leather.

Down at the other end of the room there was indeed a figure seated on the windowsill, curled up with a book, but it was obviously not her father. As she got closer, the dark-haired figure raised its head to peer at her, and she realized: it was James Herondale.

Part 2

“Hello,” said James Herondale. He peered up at Cordelia owlishly, as though he’d just come out of a reverie and wasn’t quite returned to the fully waking world.

“By the Angel, I’m awfully sorry.” Cordelia couldn’t help feeling she had interrupted something. She had met James before, of course—Will Herondale had been nothing if not diligent about making sure that his children and the Carstairs children knew one another—but she would not have described him as a friend, necessarily. He was a bit unknowable, in his odd way.

“No need to apologize,” James said mildly, “it’s me who’s skiving off this party to read.” He sat up rather suddenly, as if he’d only just realized he had been splayed casually across the windowsill and he should seek some kind of propriety.

“Most people don’t skive off parties,” Cordelia said, amused. “It’s usually lessons and chores, that sort of thing. Do you not like parties?”

“I like parties just fine,” James said, a bit defensively.

Cordelia crossed her arms and said sternly, “Well, I am in the library because I wanted to see the Paris Institute library, but also because almost the whole party are strangers to me. But they’re your friends, aren’t they? Wouldn’t you want to be with your friends? Matthew, and Thomas and the rest?”

James gave Cordelia a long look. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. “They are my friends, I suppose, but really they’re more like relatives. I’ve always felt out of place among them.”

The thought of James being out of place anywhere struck Cordelia as funny. Compared to herself, he was self-assured, charismatic, effortlessly interesting. Compared to her awkward discomfort inside her own body, he was graceful and strikingly handsome—

Good Lord, Cordelia thought, where had that come from?

It was true, though. Among the pillars and medieval arches of the library he looked as at home as a marble statue, an oil painting of a classical youth at study. How could someone who matched his environment so perfectly be uncomfortable?

“I always feel out of place too,” she offered. “But I thought it was just because my family is always traveling so much. I’ve never stayed in one place long enough to make friends.” She looked down at the ground. “Maybe it’s more complicated than that.”

James said, “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Cordelia gave a little laugh. “Well, yes. We are. But how often do we see each other? Once a year, maybe twice, if we’re lucky?”

He shrugged. “I don’t see most of the people at this party more than that, anyway. We’re always in London and they’re usually in Idris. Although we’re meant to go to Idris this summer, so perhaps I’ll see them a bit more. And of course, we’ll all be at the Academy this fall.” He sighed. “Maybe I’ll start to think of them as real friends at some point. I just feel so different than them. Like…like everyone else is looking out at the world, at other people, but I am always looking inward, instead.”

Since to Cordelia James appeared to glow from within slightly, this struck her as an odd facet of his personality, but she supposed that the shy and retiring came in all shapes and sizes. “‘All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone,’” she quoted. “My father always says that.”

“Your father sounds very wise,” said James.

“Actually,” said Cordelia, “I think Blaise Pascal said that, and my father was only quoting him. You’d get along with my father,” she went on, surprised to find herself saying it out loud. But it was true; both her father and James had the same sense of the world being a bit too much for them, of preferring solitude, of seeking refuge in books. “I should go find him,” she said. “Again, I’m so sorry for interrupting your reading.”

James put the book down on the side table next to the window. “Again, please don’t apologize, I’m always happy for the opportunity to talk with you.” Cordelia found herself blushing, a bit, but James didn’t appear to notice. He stood up and said, smiling, “I shall escort you in your endeavor.”

On the way out of the library they fell silent, and Cordelia began to feel a bit awkward. It was usually so easy to speak with James, and yet she was unaccountably tongue-tied. Finally, desperate for a conversational gambit, she blurted, “Did you know that the original Paris Institute library burned down in 1574 when someone opened a Pyxis containing a Dragonidae demon?”

James raised his eyebrows. “I did not know that, Miss Carstairs,” he said, and Cordelia burst into giggles.

The smile was wiped quickly off her face, however, by the arrival of Alastair, who looked grim. “There you are,” he said, but he sounded more relieved than angry. He had a tired look in his eyes. “Father’s not well,” he said. “He’s asking for you.”

“Oh!” said Cordelia. She felt a brief, uncharitable flash of annoyance — her father’s sickness had spoiled so many parties, even Cordelia’s first rune-day. She turned to James. “I should go to him.”

“Of course,” said James. “I’m so sorry to hear he’s not well.”

“There’s an old monk’s chamber down that hall,” Alastair said, gesturing. “Father said he wanted to be someplace cool and dark.” He shook his head, agitated. “Sorry, Cordelia.”

Cordelia wasn’t sure what he meant—perhaps that it was usually her that Elias asked for when he wasn’t well, and not Alastair? She hoped it didn’t hurt Alastair’s feelings. She assumed it was because Elias believed girls made better nurses than boys, though she wasn’t sure that was true.

She left James and her brother there, looking askance at one another, and went down the hall until she found a short little heavy wooden door set in the wall. It swung open at her tentative push, and inside she found only a bit of dim light and a sparsely furnished room, with a small platform bed in the corner on which her father sat, his arm over his eyes.

“Papa,” she said, “I’m here.”

He groaned. “Cordelia, my love. It came on so suddenly.”

Cordelia felt a wash of guilt at having resented her father. “I know. I’m here, Papa.”

She went over to the bed and sat down next to him. The room was suffused with the strong smell, herbaceous and strongly bitter, that she associated with his episodes—the medicine that the Silent Brothers gave him to keep his health under control, she assumed.

“I’m sorry to ruin your party, Cordelia,” her father said after a moment. His voice was throaty, his words slow, as though it pained him to speak.

“No,” said Cordelia gently. “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I know you had looked forward to the party as well.”

He looked up from his arm and gazed at her fondly. “I already feel better now that you’re here.” He reached out and took her small hand in his larger one. “You’ve always been my best charm for getting well.”

Cordelia rubbed his hand anxiously. “What can I do, Papa? Is there anything you need?” She glanced around the room, looking for anything that might be helpful. Her eye fell on one of the room’s few decorations, a small shelf with a selection of cloth and leather-bound books arranged haphazardly across it. “I could read to you,” she said. That was what she would want if she were feeling ill, after all. To be read to would be the greatest act of love she could receive, so it only made sense to offer it here.

“Yes, that would be very nice.” Her father closed his eyes and smiled, as if in anticipation.

Cordelia went to examine the shelf. Doubtfully she said, “Well, in English we have either the 1817 classic How to Avoid Werewolves—”

“You mean, socially?”

“I’m not sure,” said Cordelia. “Your other option is the classic travelogue of the Shadowhunter Hezekiah Featherstone, Demons With Whom I Have Had Relationships.”

“Should you really be reading that second one?” her father rumbled.

“Papa!” said Cordelia, scandalized. “I don’t think they are romantic relationships.”

“Well then,” said Elias, settling back on the bed, and Cordelia thought he did already sound like he was feeling a bit better, “surprise me.”

James thought, it wasn’t Cordelia’s fault that he had been left alone with her older brother. It was only an unfortunate side-effect of the situation.

Though only a couple of years apart in age, James had always thought of Alastair as impossibly older than him, and Alastair, for his part, had treated James as impossibly younger. James supposed this was a natural result of being an older sibling. Certainly he could not imagine taking anyone fully seriously who was only his little sister’s age. In this circumstance, however, it left him unsure what to say to Alastair, or whether to wait for Alastair to speak, or whether to simply bolt from the room at top speed and assume Alastair was too slow to catch him.

Alastair ended the mystery by saying, in an odd tone, “My apologies for all this. My father is often unwell.”

“It’s all right,” James said, feeling strange to be reassuring an older boy. Tentatively he said, “Your father is a hero, after all.”

“What?” said Alastair, thrown off guard.

“Your father,” James said. “He killed the demon Yanluo.”

“Not by himself,” said Alastair.

“No,” said James, “but still. My father says an experience like that can leave scars. It’s a kind of sacrifice that heroes make, taking those scars so others don’t have to.”

He had meant it kindly, but was dismayed by the way Alastair’s face shut down. He became a blank, and when he looked at James, it was clear that he had ceased to regard James as being present in the room, or indeed, existing at all. “Quite,” he said. Without further comment he headed down the hallway toward the library..

“I’ll see you at the Academy,” James offered, one final try. “This fall. I’ll be starting.”

Alastair turned back, and in the same oddly neutral tone, he said, “That’s right. I suppose you will.”

After Alastair departed, James stayed where he was for a while, alone in the narrow, whitewashed corridor of the Institute. There was a party shaking the very rafters of the building, and yet here there was only silence. James thought of Cordelia, comforting her ill father, of Alastair stomping off for the sake of stomping off, obviously with no destination in mind.

His father had always made such an effort to get the two families together, the Herondales and the Carstairs. He had told so many stories about them, and was always encouraging their spending time together. And James had always been fond of the Carstairs, especially Cordelia. But now he thought, it’s odd, really, how little I know them as people.

He thought of the cousins, the parents’ friends, the Enclave members celebrating above. Other than his own family, he knew so little about any of them as people. And while he felt safe here, in the quiet, in the dark, he could tell that the world would not let him remain there for much longer. He would be out in the world, and he would need friends, and family, to help get him through.

Perhaps at the Academy, this fall.

#flash fiction #chain of gold #tsc #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #.cog #cog2 #tlh #cassandra jean #cassandra clare

1K notes · View notes