#i just love memories by conan gray | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovingmattysposts · 5 months

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Friends with Benefits P1

pairing: y/n and matt sturniolo

P2 P3 P4 P5 P6

I'm actually very proud of this one, so I hope you enjoy this read 😉

Summary: You and Matt are best friends, who occationaly have sex on the low. No string attached, just sex. Well, just sex for him. Little did he know you were falling in love and falling fucking fast.

warnings: smut smut smutty smut 😃 if you do not like the fact that there is sexual content in this, do not read this one. read one of my fluffs! swearing, mentions of not eating (no hard core details). drugs, alcohol, angst.

hope you love it, tell me what you think babes

xoxo, Autumn

I wish I could say I knew how I got myself in this situation but by now my mind and memory of agree to this is a little blurry. Four months ago, I got myself into a little situation with one of my friends. Matthew Sturniolo. Over one drunk make out, the alcohol working against me, I had agreed to friends with benefits with one of my best friends. I remembered it all so clearly.

"Matt" I breathed as his pinned my hands up against the door. His lips trailing down my neck, as he pushed himself against me, feeling his length press against my stomach. "Y/n" He mumbled against my neck.

"There gonna know were gone" I said closing my eyes. He lifted this head and connected our lips roughly, I tasted the vodka on his lips. "Let them know" He said against my lips. I smiled into him. He let my hands go, as he trailed his hand up my shirt and pinched my nipple over my bra. I shuttered against him.

I lifted my head and looked at him. His eyes were dark and he was looking at me in a way I'd never seen before. I pushed him back slightly, forcing him to walk backwards his ankles hitting the bed, sitting down looking up at me. I smiled down at him, before climbing on top of him. He smiled, grabbing my jaw and bringing our lips back together.

We kissed roughly, like two needy teenagers. He bit my lip slowly, fuck he was a good kisser. I breathed in before pulling away. "What are we doing?" I whispered looking at him. He was my best friend what the hell was I doing? He licked his lips.

"Right now, were making out I thought" He smiled. I rolled my eyes. Still in a state like this he still made jokes. "Matt" I smiled looking down. He pushed my face back up to look at him, looking at me with a soft smile. "What?" He whispered. I bit my lip.

"Do you want to do this?" He asked looking at me. I blinked at him. I couldn't lose our friendship. I couldn't lose Nick and Chris either. My mind was pushing me back and forth.

"What about our friendship?" I whispered looking at him. He sighed as he looked down at me as his hands trailed to my lower back and under my ass. "Are you worried about that?" He breathed. I nodded.

He sighed before kissing the side of my face, then pressing his lips against my ear. "Fuck y/n/n, I don't know. I want you so bad I'm hurting" He said in a low voice grinding his hard on against me, making me shutter my eye closed.

"Fuck" I whined, already feeling a pit in my stomach. My eyes shot up in a realization.

He doesn't know I'm a virgin.

I swallowed as he lifted his head back up looking at me. "Tell me you want this as much as I do" He breathed, making me nod. "Tell me with your voice" He said gripping my chin and opening my mouth. I swallowed.

"I want this" I whispered. He just looked at me. "But I can't risk our friendship" I whispered. He sighed looking down, before glancing back up at me.

"Friends with benefits?" he asked smiling, making me chuckle. I looked back up up him, realizing he was waiting for an actual answer. "I don't want a relationship. You don't want to risk our friendship. Let's just play it safe." He said looking at me. I swallowed. He leaned down kissing me softly.

"No strings attached" He whispered an inch from my face. "Just sex?" I whispered. "Just sex" He nodded. God, I shouldn't have had that last vodka soda. I bit my lip, thinking while he pulled down with his thumb, making me stop.

"I know you don't date y/n.." He said softly. I looked to the side, suddenly embarrassed in front of the one person I felt most comfortable around. "I know you don't hook up with random people" He said kissing my jaw line. I breathed out, as he pulled his hand that was on my ass against him. I hitched my breath.

"And from the way I feel you pulsing against me right now-" He said his eyes dark, the blue in his eyes completely gone as he looked at me. I felt my face go red, oh my god. "Who knows the last time you've been touched" He whispered. My heart was beating out of my chest. He traced my face with his finger.

"Hm?" He hummed. I breathed looking down. I pulled my lip in between my teeth. He pulled on my lip. "Stop doing that" He said making me look up at him. He stared at me. He reached down between us, feeling me under my dress. "Fuck" I jerked.

"Overly sensitive" He whispered. I looked up at him through my eyelashes. He went up against my ear. "I bet you're soaking wet, must be uncomfortable hm?" He teased. I felt my pulse in my throat. I've never gone anything like this before, him just rubbing his fingers back and forth over me could get me off. I whined leaning my head on his shoulder in front of me.

"Just say the word, princess and I'll make sure you never get to this point ever again" He said above me. Princess? I couldn't think. I could do this. It felt too good to stop.

"Matt?" I whispered. "Yes princess" He answered. "Fuck me" I stated and in one swift movement he picked me up and threw me on the bed.

It was amazing at first, after I got over the fear of having sex without the other person knowing I'd never done it before. Always being able to get what I want when I want with no strings attached. It would have been my commitment-issues-ass's wet dream, and it was. For the first month or two. But as the weeks went on, something changed. Something changed in the way I cared for him. The pull on my heart strings when he flirted with someone else. The way he dropped my hand when someone else was around. It started to effect me.

It started as a wince every here and there. It would hurt my feelings every other time. Now it was like a full-on punch in the face. The only reason I was still agreeing to this on the surface was because when it was just me and him, all of the self-doubt, all of the second guesses, all of the hurt feelings went away. Like my body went into shock, not being able to feel the pain until the adrenaline in my body stopped. Until he stopped kissing me. Until he stopped playing with my hair. Until he stopped calling me baby or princess.

I kept convincing myself the high was worth the pain. That the few hours of play-pretend of being Matt Sturniolo's girlfriend was worth the reality of the situation hitting me like a truck once I stepped out into public. Now sitting here I wondered to myself, was it? Was it worth it?

Maybe if he didn't kiss me after everything was over. Maybe if he didn't insist on taking care of me first and sometimes walking away after saying that he only wanted to please me that night. Maybe if he didn't insist on cuddling after or kissing me with no sexual-indication. Maybe if he didn't look deep into my eyes as he was inside of me. If he just closed his eyes and made no emotionally attachment, like he claimed he wanted, this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe if he didn't whisper that I was only going to be the one for him, that no one would ever compare to me, that I was his when I wasn't. Just maybe I wouldn't have gotten attached. But I did. I was falling and I was falling hard. I was falling in love with him and I hated myself for it. Falling bracing for the ground, for a soft impact but I knew hard ground was coming.

The truth of the situation was, is that it was eating me alive. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think about anything other than him and it was effecting our friendship. I couldn't be friendly with him around other people because it would hurt me every time he treated me like any other friend when the night before he was showing me the deepest kind of love possible.

It was like a drug. I couldn't pull myself away, because I think it would kill me more than it is right now. I couldn't live without him and I couldn't live with him. It was the better of the two worst. So 3-5 times a week, I took my drug and went on with my life. Or at least tried to. The one person I couldn't hide from was Lucy. She could see it. She was the only one who knew about Matt and I other than his brothers. She was there for the start of it and has seen it slowly destroy me, but I still wouldn't admit it.

So here I was back again, blinking at the ceiling.

Matt sighed beside me after coming back from the bathroom. I had pulled his shirt on after he threw it at me and he had slid his boxers back on. I felt him pull me over to him. I looked up as he smiled down at me as I placed my head on his chest, letting out a breath. He reached up running his fingers through my hair.

"Are you hungry?" He asked softly massaging my scalp. I wrapped my arms around his torso, hugging him as I laid there inhaling his scent. "Not really" I mumbled. He chucked looking down at me. "You comfy?" He asked smiling. I nodded closing my eyes, pretending this was real. That this was always.

"Chris and Nick and I are going out later to get food, I was gonna ask you to join us" He said above me. I let go of him, leaning back beside him. He lifting his hand from my head as he looked at me. "I told Lucy I'd be home tonight to help her cook for her date" I said looking at him and he smiled raising his eyebrows.

"A date?" He asked. I nodded smiling. He hummed. "Good for her" He smiled. "Why don't you cook for me?" He asked turning over to me. My face stilled. Because we aren't dating Matthew. I wanted to say so badly, but I just shrugged. "Do you want me to?" I asked looking at him. Kill me now. I'm so pathetic It's embarssing. He nodded.

"I'd like that" He said softly running his hand down my leg. I looked down. "Come back over here" He whined grabbing my waist and pulling me back over him. I sighed leaning on him. Killing me. "You seem sad for a girl who was seeing stars 5 minutes ago" He chucked as he pushed his shirt up that was on my body rubbing small circles on my lower back. I sighed hearing his heart quietly beating in his chest.

"Hey" He whispered making me look back up at him. "What's wrong?" He asked moving his thumb over my cheek. His touch sent sparks down my face. His face furrowed in worry as he looked down at me, killing me.

"Nothing, just tired" I lied blinking at him. He frowned. "You sure?" He asked. Not sure actually. Actually never been less sure in my life. Actually positvily not sure. I nodded. He smiled and leaned down kissing my forehead. I moved my other leg over him and sat up, straddling him as he laid beneath me. He smiled up at me, running his hands over my legs.

"You're so pretty" He smiled up at me. I leaned down capturing his mouth in a slow unrushed kiss for a few seconds before parting from him briefly. "I should go" I whispered an inch from his face. He sighed and frowned. He reached down shifting my hips to line up with his, making his dick that was already hard again known, sending sparks up all the right but so wrong places. I sighed from the pressure, leaning my head on his forehead.

"Don't go yet" He whispered. "Matt" I said but instead he closed the small gap between us kissing me again. I whined as he bit my lip slowly. He pressed down on my hips, pushing himself harder against me. I moaned against his lips.

"You make the prettiest sounds" He said against my lips. My heart clenched. "Stop talking" I stated grabbing his face and kissing him harder. I didn't need him to speak. It just made it worse. He matched my speed kissing me harder and pushing his tongue in my mouth. He flipped us over quickly, grinding up against me again. "Matt" I said leaning my head back.

"What is it baby?" He whispered before kissing my neck. I closed my eyes. "It's too much. I can't again. Too sensitive" I said in fast breaths. He ignored me grinding against me again. "You can take it baby. If there's anyone who can take it, it's you. My perfect princess" He said his eyes already dark again. My perfect princess. I squeezed my eyes shut again, I can't do this. My heart can't do this.

"Can you take it?" He whispered as he grabbed my leg and wrapped it around his hips. I whined. "Words I need words" He said again. I opened my eyes as I looked up at him again. He looked down at me as he waited for my consent. My throat ran dry. I opened my mouth, but then there was knocking on the door. Matt's head dropped and he groaned before rolling off of me. Leaving me staring at the ceiling.

He turned off the bed and pulled on his sweatpants on before walking over to the door, opening it slightly. "What do you want?" Matt asked sharply. "We're starving" Chris said crossing his arms. Matt sighed looking back at me. "Are you coming?" He asked looking at me. I sat up.

"No, I need to get going I think"

I defenietly needed to get the fuck out of here. He nodded and turned back to Chris. "Give me 20 minutes" Matt said looking at Chris. "I'll give you 5 how about that?" Chris complained from the other side of the door. "Who's the one with the keys?" Matt said. I stood up off the bed.

"No Matt, It's fine you go. I'm leaving" I said pulling on my shorts, out of Chris's view. Matt bit his lip before turning back to Chris. "I'll meet you in the car, go" Matt said before closing the door and turning back to me, while I gathered my stuff.

"I'm sorry about him" Matt said as he walked over to me. I shook my head. "Go feed the hungry boys" I laughed picking up my keys. "Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked looking up at me. I looked down nodding as I slipped on my shoes. He searched the bed as I walked to the door.

"Y/n"

I turned at the sound of my name. Matt looked at me and then down, point at the shirt on my body. "Can I get my shirt back?" He asked. My face dropped as I glanced down at the shirt. I swallowed my pride as I set my stuff down taking off the shirt and slipping back on my tank top.

I threw it to him. He smiled and pulled it over his head. I took this opportunity to walk out of the room, mumbling a quick bye without waiting for a response.

I closed the door quietly before I immediatly heard footsteps.

"Y/f/n Y/l/n !"

I winced as I heard Lucy walking in the room. I turned around and saw her looking at me with her hands raised and her eyes wide. "6" She stated. I looked down at my feet, like a little kid being yelled at.

"6 o'clock you said you would be back to help me" She shook her head. "Lucy-" I sighed walking into the kitchen. "What time is it!" She looked down at her phone. "7:45" She stated. I bit my lip as I set down my keys on the counter.

"Lucy I'm sorry I-" I started to say. "Where were you?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest. I looked up at her guilt all over my face. Her angry face softened as she walked over to me. I looked up at her.

"Matt texted me and I-" I started. She groaned rolling her eyes. "Matt, of fucking course it was Matt. You had me sitting here thinking it was an emergency and you were off with Matt of all people doing god knows what!" She yelled at me.

"I know Lucy! Okay I get it! I've heard the speech before, I don't need to hear it again" I said looking up at her. "He's no good for you, why do you do this to yourself, he only wants sex. Blah blah. I get it!" I yelled at her. Her face hardened.

"We have an agreement okay? It it was it is. Were friends who have sex it's normal!" I sighed looking at her. "It's not normal" She argued. I glared at her. "It's normal for us!" I threw my hands up.

"No" She shook her head. "You don't get to yell at me okay?" She snapped. "I don't get you" She scoffed shaking her head. "You sit here and you tell me about Matt this Matt that. I see it in you. I see it in your eyes, you're killing yourself. You're killing yourself over what? Some guy?" She said.

"It's not just some guy" I argued. "I'm not done" She put up her hand. "When was the last time you ate something?" She asked making my head drop low to the ground.

"What's not fair is you to go over there and do this to yourself willingly." She pointed to the door. "And you promised me" She dropped her arm. "You promised me that you would help me with this one thing" She said shaking her head. I swallowed. Guilt filled my chest.

"I know" I said putting my face in my hands. She sighed as silence filled the room for a second. "You're being a bad roommate" She almost whispered. I swallowed, feeling tears filling my eyes. "and a bad friend" She said looking over at me. I reached up wiping a stray tear.

"I'm sorry" I said in a whisper. She sighed moving over next to me. She put her hand on my back. "What's going on y/n?" She asked placing her hand on my arm. I let out a shaky breath, wiping my face. I shook my head. "Nothing" My voice broke. She bit her lip as she looked at me.

"Y/n" She said making me look up at her. "He's killing you" She whispered. I shook my head, but my face failed me as tears started to come uncontrolably out of my eyes. She sighed pulling me into a hug, as I cried into her chest.

"Why d-does he hold me a-after?" I said as I cried and she rubbed my face. "Why does h-he kiss my forehead" I cried. She just sighed hugging me. "It's not fair" I said shaking my head. "It's not f-fair" I sobbed. "Shh" She said softly. She pulled me back after a few seconds.

"You have to stop seeing him" She tilted her head at me. I shook my head quickly, wiping my eyes. "I-I can't lose him" I said. She stepped forward holding my arm. "You can't go on like this" She said with concerned eyes. I nodded. "It's okay. It's fine. It's what he wants I can-" I started to say.

"What about what you want?" She asked looking at me. "Does he care about what you want?" She asked me. I looked down and shrugged. She sighed. "I want to help you y/n, but sadly I think you're just going to ignore what I have to say and go through it the hard way" She said honestly and she was probably right.

"Just try to talk to him about how you're feeling maybe? Clear up the air? Can you just try to talk to him about it?" She asked. I looked down at my feet. She pursed her lips. "I'll try" I whispered.

"Okay" She whispered, pulling me into another hug. I sighed leaning on her shoulder. She just held me for a few minutes. "I'm sorry I didn't help you with your date thing" I whispered after a few minutes.

"It's okay" She sighed. I shook my head. "It's not. I should have been here" I swallowed. She looked down. "It won't happen again" I whispered and she nodded. She looked at me. "Go shower you smell like boy" She smiled pushing my shoulder, making me smile slightly. I sighed walking towards my room.

After my shower I felt better. After crying a few more tears, I pulled myself together. I was going to talk to Matt. Lucy was right, I can't live like this. Hooking up with him and then feeling like shit after. Just hoping one day all of this would make him love me too. It wasn't any way to live.

I laid down on my bed, wrapped in my towel. My hair smelled good, my face was washed. Everything was okay. I picked up my phone to see a missed text. I opened my phone.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:24pm

Hey what are you up to? 🙃

I sighed. I shouldn't reply. Say I missed his text if I saw him tomorrow. I set my phone down. I glanced back over to it. Drug. Drug. Drug. I picked it back up. Maybe he's just being friendly, after all we are friends.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:32pm

Hey. Nothing, just got out of the shower.

I pressed send and unwrapped my towel starting to dry my hair when I felt a buzz next to me. I looked over swiping it open.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:33pm

Ooooo. Send pics

I sighed and rubbed my face. This would never end. I will be stuck in this position until i'm 30.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:33pm

Nah not tonight

I bit my lip as I sent it. I never said no. Never. This was one step in the right direction. My phone buzzed almost immediatly.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:34pm

You always send pics :( Come on, you blue balled me earlier

I rolled my eyes starting to see more of the irratation in the situation instead of the lust.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:35pm

Actually your brother blue balled you. Also blue balls don't exist :)

I smiled as I hit send. Buzz.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:35pm

Talk to me what's up. What's going on with you? You know I can always tell when somethings wrong y/n/n, you're my best friend.

I wasn't expecting that response. I was honestly expecting him to push me some more. I always gave in. After all he's right. He's my best friend. I can't hardly hide anything from him. Except for the biggest secret known to man. I felt my phone buzz again in my hand while my thoughts raced.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:36pm

Was it the shirt thing? That was a dick move, I'm sorry.

I looked up sighing. It was the shirt thing and ever other thing you've ever done ever to remind me that i'm not yours. That i'm just a friend. That i'm just there to be there. Friends don't wear their friend's shirt home. Boyfriends let their girlfriends wear their shirt home. My phone buzzed again

from: Matt Stromboli 9:38pm

y/n/n im sorrryyyyyyy. Chris was pissing me off and I took it off on the shirt. :(

I sighed before responding.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:39pm

It wasn't the shirt Matthew you're fine.

Not a second passed before he replied.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:39pm

Matthew? Oh god I really am in trouble.

I couldn't help but smile down at my phone. He had that effect on me.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:40pm

When are you ever out of trouble?

from: Matt Stromboli 9:40pm

True. But I only prefer to be in trouble with you when It has a happy ending. wink wink.

I rolled my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:41pm

Goodnight

from: Matt Stromboli 9:41pm

Nooo I'm sorry. I'll stop flirting with you. Serious Matthew entering the chat.

Good evening y/n, how was your day?

I laughed out loud.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:42pm

It was good. Now goodnight Matthew.

from: Matt Stromboli 9:43pm

Why was it good y/n? My favorite part personally, was when I was 8 inches deep inside of you ;)

My face fell straight.

to: Matt Stromboli 9:45pm

Where did friendly Matthew go?

I deleted my message before turning over and deciding to just not respond. I didn't want to entertain it anymore. I hugged my pillow and thought over everything today. There had to be change. I felt my heart clench, what If that meant losing Matt? Was I even ready for the reality? It made me sick to think about. A few more minutes past as I started to drift off to sleep, I felt my buzz start to buzz.

I groaned rolling over and picking up my phone, squinting due to the brightness.

Matt Stromboli incoming call 10:12 pm

I closed my eyes sighing. He wouldn't stop until I answered so I swiped it to answer. "Hello?" I asked grogily. "Okay what's up?" Matt asked sternly through the phone. I sat up clicking on the light beside my bed. "What?" I asked.

"Y/n. Why are you acting so weird?" He asked, making me sigh. "Matt, I'm not" I sighed, I was. "Yes you are" He said back quickly. I sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to" I said softly. Yes I was. I couldn't help it. I was hurting. So badly. I heard him shift over the phone and his voice went quieter as I heard the ruffling of pillows on the other line.

"You don't have to apologize y/n/n. I just want to know what's bothering you" He sighed. I rubbed my eyes. "It's nothing big" I lied. He hummed through the phone. "Well it's big enough that you don't want to reply to my dirty texts and I know how much you normally love that, so...." He sighed. I closed my eyes shaking my head.

"I'm just not in the mood for that" I said honestly. "Wait" He said suddenly. "Y/n" He sighed. "What?" I asked feeling my face go red. "Did you not finish today? I could have sworn you did. I know what your face looks like, but I guess- Oh my god I feel like such a dick-" He rushed through the phone.

"No no. Matt I finished-I finished" I said shaking my head. He paused. "Then what?" He asked. I rolled over. "I don't know Matt" I said not wanting to tell him or talk about this over the phone. "Do I need to come over?" He asked after a few seconds. "You shouldn't" I said quietly. He sighed

"Y/n talk to me, what are you thinking?" He asked. I bit my lip. "I'm just in my head I guess" I said. One step forward. "About us?" He asked suddenly. I went silent. "No I-I just. It's Lucy she's mad at me" I lied. Three steps back.

"Oh. Well, about what?" He asked through the phone. I hit my head with my hand. "Uh" I said looking around. "Just-uh" I said swallowing. "She was made I missed her date thing" I said honestly, that was true.

"Tell her I'm sorry that was kind of my fault" He chuckled over the phone. I rolled my eyes smiling. "I'm sure she'll love that apology" I smiled. He chuckled softly, then let out a breath.

"So, I can't come over?" He asked, hearing the smile in his voice. I bit my lip. "It's late Matt" I stated. "It's like 10" He sighed. I pursed my lips. "Not tonight" I said looking up at ceiling, silently cursing my internal battle. He groaned over the phone.

"But I can't stop thinking about you" He breathed. I looked down at my hands. "I can't stop thinking about you either" I whispered saying the most honest thing I've said all night. He sighed. I bit my lip.

"Do you ever think about what brought you to this point in your life?" I suddenly asked speaking through the phone. "Hm?" He asked. "Like what you did to bring you to where you are now" I explained. "All the time" He said softly. "Why do you ask?" He asked. I shurgged before reliezing he can't see me. I let out a breath, rolling over.

"I don't know. Just thinking" I said softly. "Well don't hurt yourself" He laughed. I licked my lips. "You can't worry about the past things y/n/n, you just got to look at your life now and what you want you future to be. Do you know what you want your future to be?" He asked caringly over the phone.

"Does anyone?" I asked. "Yeah, some people" He breathed. I rolled over on my back, staring at the ceiling. "Do you know some aspects of your future you want?" He asked quietly. I closed my eyes. Yes. You and me. Together. For real.

"Yeah" I uttered. "Then you're on the right track" He whispered. I sighed. We sat in silence for a second.

"I like your voice" he said quietly over the phone. I smiled, before letting it drop. "I've got to go to bed" I whispered. "So you've been telling me" He whispered back. I took in a breath.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked. I hummed, in agreence. "Good" He whispered. "Goodnight y/n/n" He said softly. "Goodnight Matt" I whispered back before clicking the phone off. I rubbed my hand over my face. Drug. Drug. Drug.

I scrolled through my phone before shuffling my playlist to get my mind off things. I clicked off the lamp beside my bed as music played through my phone. I just stared at the ceiling, letting out long breaths. The cut that always bleed started playing through my speaker and I felt my heart clench.

"Cause you keep me on a rope and tied a noose around my throat"

I closed my eyes, scrunching my face. Picturing Matt's smile in front of me.

"Can't live a little longer sitting on your lap. Cause you know what you're doing when you're coming back"

I felt tears start to brim at my eyes.

"Oh, I can't be your lover on a leash. Every other week when you please"

I leaned my head back, hitting my headboard letting out a shaky breath.

"Oh I can't be the kiss that you don't need. The lie between your teeth, the cut that always bleeds"

Every beat in the song hitting my heart over and over in all of the wrong spots. The cut that always bleeds, over and over and over. A never ending cut that is so deep that cuts every single time a little deeper every time I see him, or look at him, or think about him.

"Kiss the bruises til they're gone. Bittersweet, 'cause I can't breathe inside your arms"

Tears started to spill over my eyes, dropping down my cheeks. A feeling i've grown a custom to lately. Like a routine. I let out a shaky breath. Whispering the lyrics to myself. I picked up my phone opening it as the song played. I scrolled through my photos landing on one of Matt, looking down at me with a smile on his face.

"But even though you're killing me. I need you like the air I breathe. I need, I need you more than me. I need you more than anything."

I closed my eyes turning off the picture and letting the darkness of the room come over me again, as I cried quietly to myself

"Cause I could be, your lover on a leash. Every other week when you please"

"Oh I could be anything you need as long as you don't leave. The cut that always-"

I threw my phone as the song ended as I broke down into sobs. I heard my door slightly crack open and I lifted my head to see Lucy in the doorway looking sadly at me. She walked over to me and climbed into my bed and wrapped her arms around and held me as I shook.

"It's okay. You're gonna be okay" She whispered as I cried into her. I shook my head over and over. "It's never gonna end" I said in-between cries. She nodded. "It will y/n. You will get through this. You're the strongest person I know" She finished and held me until I drifted off to sleep.

alright not anything tooo crazy yet. What did you guys think of the first part?

#christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #Spotify

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povlnfour · 6 months

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ੈ✩‧₊˚ OVERDRIVE (LN4)

pairing: lando norris x f!reader

summary: a practical stranger is determined to change your opinion on cars (and maybe make you fall in love in the process)

word count: 2k

content warnings: brief mentions of alcohol, brief make out, 110% irresponsible driving (don’t take ur eyes off the road kids)

“you’re right next to me, feel the heat, going overdrive” — conan gray, overdrive

cars were never something you understood.

your friends growing up had always had a weird fixation whenever they saw specific models racing down the streets where you lived, stopping to ogle and obsess as they used key words that were entirely lost on you. when you expressed your disinterest and lack of care over a model’s ‘horse power’, you were met with groans of disappointment and a quick change of subject.

perhaps that was why those particular friendships never lasted out of teenhood. they became stagnant over the years when you found new interests and connections that led you elsewhere.

somewhere in the back of your mind, despite time making those old acquaintances nothing more than a distant memory, you wondered what they’d say if they could see you now.

so it stood true that you never understood cars, but you certainly had an affinity for pretty men driving them. and lando norris definitely fit into that category.

sat in the passenger seat of a mclaren model you had entirely missed the name of, you gained a new outlook on what made such cars so good. granted it had nothing to do with the technicalities of the car, and more the way the wind whipped through your hair as lando guided the two of you through the streets of monaco. it was dark by now, but the city still shone bright with the lights from the buildings that towered over you — casinos and restaurants much like the ones you found the driver in to begin with.

you barely spared lando a glance, too afraid to lose focus on the road ahead of you. if you were to spend too long admiring the man you might never be able to look away. he had a certain transfixing aura around him you couldn’t quite explain from just the short time you had known him.

the city whizzed by as lando made green light after green light, turning onto less clustered roads where he could finally show the full potential of the car he was clearly so fond of.

“you look like you’re enjoying yourself no matter how much you’re pretending not to.” lando commented, and for the first time since accepting his offer of a drive home, you turned to face him. he was already looking at you, paying no attention to the roads despite the danger such an action possessed, and you couldn’t help the blush the attention brought to your cheeks. “let yourself have fun. stop trying to hate it so much.”

laughing, you shook your head, amazed at how a man who was nothing more than a stranger to you less than three hours ago already had such a good read on you. you’d have plenty to tell your friends who you had met at the casino in the morning it would seem.

“i’ve got a reputation to withhold here.” you admitted, enjoying the way he laughed as he looked back towards the road that grew quieter with every passing metre.

“not a car person?” lando observed.

“not at all.” you admitted, shaking your head fondly as you recalled those times you disappointed your friends. “i don’t think i’ve ever quite understood the fascination behind it.”

lando hummed, going quiet momentarily. he made an action similar to that of checking a watch, seeming to think over a grand idea. “you don’t have anywhere to be, right?”

it was already long gone two in the morning, he knew as well as you did the answer to that. “besides my bed, nope.” popping the ‘p’, you looked back towards the man driving.

“then let me show you what you’re missing.”

you underestimated to what extent his determination reached until his foot was on the pedal, and the slick car was rushing away from the city with nothing more than a light humming sound. your laughter mixed in with the whisp of the wind as suddenly you shot off into the night with a man who was barely more than a pretty stranger.

lando seemed to enjoy the sound, one hand slipping to the bottom of the wheel so he could rest on the door of his car whilst he eased his way through the roads. he navigated with such an ease you were sure he had done this route many a time before, slowing just enough when he reached cameras as to not be caught, but keeping the experience all the same.

“you’re insane!” you laughed as he skidded the car around a perfectly timed corner, knowing your mother would be crying in fear if she saw how reckless you were being.

“admit you’re enjoying yourself!” lando prompted, still finding time to look over at you once more throughout the journey.

grinning through your lies, you refuted “you’ll have to do more than that to impress me.”

“oh come on!” he whined, no malice or despair in his voice, but a glint in his eye that told he was more than prepared to take the challenge, “you’re a hard crowd to please.”

with that, he shifted the gear once more, finding a corner at which he unexpectedly spun back around on, bringing you back onto a straight towards the city that gave him plenty of opportunity to show off.

“you’re going to kill me!” you squealed, clinging on to the door for dear life as you giggled over the wind once more.

lando barely missed a beat before he shifted speeds once again, offering a playful “i’ll make sure they say you died enjoying yourself in the obituary.”

as you swung another corner, you let the motion pull you back towards the centre of the car, the electricity between the two of you becoming more prominent than ever. lando noticed it too, swapping the hand which held the wheel as his right one found its way to your left. you looked at the contact, unsure for just a moment, until he lifted your arms above your head, letting the recklessness wash over you until it shifted into exhilaration. you couldn’t help but lift your other arm to enjoy it, till you were practically shouting with adrenaline field joy into the night.

the fear of the speed was outweighed by the thrill, and you closed your eyes for a beat, enjoying the simple sensation of wind in your hair and lando’s hand in yours.

when you began to emerge into those more populated areas once more, the sight of red lights up ahead, lando spun once again, masterfully avoiding any disturbance with a practiced ease. the motion threw you further to the side, and this time, the squeal that left your mouth was entirely involuntary. you whipped your hands down from the air, this time choosing to find purchase on lando’s bicep as you steadied yourself.

lando chuckled lowly, making no quick decision to move away. instead, his hand that previously held yours found it’s way to rest on your thigh, holding you in place against the centre console and his shoulder. his comfort made you bolder, so even when you had steadied yourself, the grip you had on his arm only faltered enough to provide him momentarily relief, staying close to his side with your hands still linked now at his elbow.

“if you crash, i’ll kill you.” you joked, lando whipping his head around to face you with a smooth wink in your direction.

“you underestimate my skill, baby.”

the way your heart fluttered at the pet name made you briefly consider your own insanity. speeding down unpopulated streets with a stranger, with no care for what may happen. selfishly, you only wanted to bask in the feeling of his hand on the scarcely clothed skin of your thigh, and the look on his face whenever he met your eye.

you spared a glance towards his lips, pulled taut into a smile as he showed off for you. there was something about his confidence that only added to the compellement you felt towards him.

before you could readjust your attention, his eyes flickered back towards you, and the sharp decrease in speed told he had caught where you were looking. you may have pulled back in embarrassment had the grip he had on your thigh not tightened in response.

the temptation to apologise was quelled just as fast when he brought the car to a less extreme speed, able to spend longer fixating on you without the imminent threat of crashing if he lacked too much focus.

“i’m gonna need you to stop looking at me like that.” he practically growled. “otherwise i’ll do something stupid.”

you considered for a moment, debating just how reckless you would allow yourself to be tonight before the words left your lips involuntarily. “nothing’s stopping you.”

it was as though something shifted in the man, his hand finally leaving your thigh just long enough to bring the car to a halt in a convenient lay-by. and before you even had the chance to react to the standstill, he was pushing back over the centre console and connecting his lips with yours.

his hands found the back of your neck with a terrifyingly practiced ease. one your own gripped onto his forearm, your other finding it’s way between his curls and giving a sharp tug that had him gasping into your mouth. he recovered fast, using his tongue to swipe against your bottom lip in a request you couldn’t deny.

as lando deepened the kiss, he tugged you towards him, one hand slipping down to your waist and helping you across the console without ever having to disconnect your lips. you planted yourself firmly against his thighs, chests connecting as his tongue encircled yours. both his hands now crept towards your ass, squeezing firmly when they found their goal.

you almost automatically rolled your hips down as he gave a tug, eliciting a groan from his lips you so desperately wanted to hear again in a less public situation. he only held you tighter in response, tugging your bottom lip between his teeth in an attempt to gain some power back. you let him take it happily, bracing your hands against the headrest to gain some stability.

you were sure your lips were red and swollen by now, too enticed by the man below you who tasted vaguely of mint from the singular mojito you had seen him nurse all night.

the alcohol in your own system would be little match for the memories of lando’s hands on your skin. his fingers found their way up your waist and between the slits in your outfit so that they could dance along your skin with a wave of electricity.

lando tugged you closer, a feat you didn’t feel possible until your bodies were flush together, your knees taking the brunt of your weight to allow the closeness to remain. you let one finger slip from the headrest to trace the curve of his neck, enjoying the way his muscles tensed in anticipation at the contact. the sly smile it brought to your lips was enough to finally break your kiss, the two of you panting shallowly as your foreheads rested together.

lando took a moment, squeezing your waist as he closed his eyes to regain some of his own sanity.

“i should really get you home.” he muttered, voice void of any real haste “you make it quite hard to let you go.”

as he tilted his head to trail sweet kisses along the side of your jaw, you couldn’t quite help the offer that left your lips. something about the man below you had you believing that a rash decision would somehow be worth it.

“i never said you couldn’t come in.”

lando grinned in response, connecting your lips again as he turned the ignition back on in a clear acceptance of your invitation.

you’d have to clamber back into the passenger seat soon enough, but for one last second you allowed yourself to revel in the realisation that your night was about to get a lot more interesting.

so maybe you didn’t understand cars, but you’d certainly thank them for this outcome.

hello pals

soooo my first one shot ?! on this account at least. i used to write terrible 1d fanfic so this is a step up lmao. written based on overdrive by conan gray, 10/10 recommend

if you’re still here, thank you SO MUCH for reading. feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments/reblogs/asks, i always love reading what people have to say. i have not proof read this bc i hate my own writing so apologies if there are glaring mistakes.

i’ve also only been to monaco like three times but these quiet streets are entirely made up that place is manic (for someone who lives so close i do not go enough)

got some ideas in the brain, mostly around lando but also a few charles and oscar bits as they’re my boys so let’s see how this goes

but for now, big love! taglist can be found in my pinned post along with masterlist i’m slowing filling out🧡

- love, gigi xx

tags: @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicora @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @paolexsstuff @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @moonypixel @celestialpato @champagneproblems17

#ੈ✩‧₊˚ works #f1 #f1 x reader #lando norris #lando norris x reader #mclaren #lando norris au #lando norris blurb #lando norris imagine #lando norris scenario #lando norris one shot

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drewsephrry · 3 months

Text

memories

harry styles x reader

inspired by: Memories-Conan Gray

warnings: alcohol consumption, yelling, crying (idk if it counts as a warning) cuss words

words: 2.7k

It was a rainy autumn night. She had a random movie playing in the background just to comfort her. She hated rain with passion. She hated that she was all alone and the only thing she could do to distract herself from it was look at old pictures.

Pictures from her childhood that were much too nostalgic for her, trying really hard to remember the name of the girl braiding her hair. Pictures from her vacation with her best friends from the previous summer, matching flower crowns and seashell necklaces on display. Pictures with her previous lover, that if she saw just two months ago she would cry her heart out but instead she smiled and reminisced about the tattoo he had let her draw on his skin shown in the photo.

It was a random Thursday night, the couple was chilling with their friends when Zayn told them that he had just acquired a tattoo gun. Harry was thrilled with the idea of putting more ink on his skin and even more so when Niall suggested that he let Y/N draw one on him.

Y/N had almost immediately shook her head in denial but Harry begged and begged until she sighed, defeated.

“Harry, you do know you're going to be stuck with it forever?” She warned.

“Yes, my love. Stop worrying about everything.” He tries to reassure her once more.

“But H, what if I mess it up? Or-or even worse we break up and you have it on your skin for the rest of your life?” She started asking with shakily hands, stuttering and failing to breathe properly.

“Y/N, honey, breathe. You'll be fine. Okay and what if you mess it up? That would just make it even more special to me. I love you and I completely trust you.” He puts his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. “I'm not planning on breaking up with you anytime soon, maybe even ever. Unless you do and you're trying to let me down slowly, I don't see anything wrong with you tatting me.” He reassures her once again and she sighs, nodding. Harry smiles widely and pecks her lips, before pulling his long hair up in a bun.

After sterilizing the equipment and Zayn showing her how the gun works, she was ready. She didn't feel like it, but Harry squeezed her hand three times, their way of expressing their love to each other without actually saying anything.

She asked him multiple times, as the tattoo gun hit his skin if he was in any pain and if he needed anything, but Harry told her repeatedly he was fine and was praising her for her light touch.

After just a few minutes, the sketch, she had done on a random notebook Zayn had in his apartment, was brought to life.

A palm tree on the backside on his upper arm was delicately outlined and filled by her. She grabbed the handheld mirror that Zayn gave her and held it so Harry could see the work she did.

“Do you like it? If you don't, we can find something to cover it up with and I'll pay for it.” She suggested immediately, worried because he hadn't spoken yet. But the truth was he was mesmerized by it.

“I love it. It's so simple but yet done so beautifully. Thank you, my love. Thank you so so much.” He said kissing her lips. She smiled and sighed once again.

“Thank you for trusting me with this.”

“Well, you know what they say. Tat for tit!” He exclaimed jokingly, trying to lift her shirt when Y/N pushed his hand away giggling.

“You're such an idiot!”

Suddenly, she heard a knock on her door. She stopped gazing at her phone and another knock was heard. She got up from her couch cautiously. It was really late and it was pouring outside. Who could it be?

She grabbed the pepper spray from her handbag, as another knock was heard. She clutched her phone, close to her chest, ready to call the police.

She looked through the peephole and saw the one person she didn't expect to.

Harry was standing there, his hair sticking on his forehead and his clothes soaked.

She quickly unlocked the door and gasped.

“Harry, what are you doing here?” She asked, worried and confused.

“Need to talk with you, angel.” He slurred, an obvious sign he was drunk. He was pouting and his glossy, his green eyes were bloodshot telling her he was crying. His cologne was overcome by the smell of tequila. Y/N couldn't do anything else than open the door wider and gestured for him to come in.

She closed the door behind her and walked to her kitchen to pour some water for him, in hopes that he would sober up a little. He followed her like a wet and lost puppy that she couldn't turn away.

He takes a gulp of the water she hands him and smiles at her. She looked so cute and tiny compared to him, her hair was a little longer and her skin was still tanned from summer.

“I love you so much Y/N/N. I never wanted to hurt you.” He slurred again.

“But you did, H.” She couldn't tolerate standing there and listening to him pour his heart out when he broke her own a few months ago.

Y/N had started getting better. Getting over him. She was considering starting dating again. But seeing him like this made it so hard for her to think. Think about how fucked what he did and said was.

“Please, my baby, my love, listen to me. I made a huge mistake.” He was pulling his hair and trying to balance on his own two feet. He stumbled and fell to the floor, Y/N immediately reaching for him to make sure he was alright.

“I have missed you. I can't sleep without you. I barely eat anymore. I-I…don’t know what to do without you.” He confessed, tearing up. He pulled his knees up to his chest as he sat with his back on one of the kitchen cabinets.

Y/N was nodding, feeling upset and guilty she made him feel like this.

“H-Harry…I don't know what to say. Please, don't cry. You can stay with me tonight. We'll be fine.” She bent down to be eye level with him, comforting him and hugging him tightly. Neither one of them could deny how safe they felt in that moment, in each other's arms.

Y/N knew she was making a huge mistake, something her therapist won't be able to help with, something her friends cannot support and mostly she cannot expect any one of them to be there to pick up her pieces when everything would break down again.

Harry was led to her bedroom and she helped him lay down, removing his articles of clothing that he claimed felt like lava on his skin.

“Why were you all alone? Don't you still hate the rain?” He asked, getting under the covers of her bed, his eyes slightly closed. Y/N nodded and walked towards her side of the bed.

Y/N laid beside him, wrapping her arms around his back and to his front. He squeezed them three times, before quiet snores were the only thing heard.

How could she say goodbye to him again, when he just spent an entire night with her?

That morning Y/N woke up to an empty bed. She walked out to her living room, to see that she was all alone.

He had left her.

She walked to the kitchen with an ache in her chest and saw a plate with a stack of pancakes with maple syrup on her kitchen counter for her to indulge in.

She ended up spending her whole day crying and watching ‘The notebook’.

The next day, when Y/N's therapy appointment was scheduled, she told her about the night she spent with Harry, how she felt safe and for once, after a few months, slept like a baby and through the whole night.

Her therapist scolded her about her poor choices and talked to her about stepping forward.

A few days passed since Y/N's and Harry's last encounter. Y/N was getting ready for her best friend's birthday party when a knock was heard on her door. She yelled that she'll be right there, thinking it was the delivery guy with her food.

She grabbed her wallet and ran to the door with a wide smile on her face. Although when she opened the door, it was wiped away quickly. She swallowed and looked at Harry's green eyes.

“I missed holding you.” He slurred. Y/N was already running late to help her best friend with the party preparations. She was planning on getting there first out of everyone, to blow balloons and hang the garlands she had bought. But her meal hadn't arrived in time and now, this was happening.

She opened the door wide and he entered, he walked and sat down on her couch with a thump. He giggled at the sound he made and got quickly distracted by the show on her TV.

Y/N groaned and tried to keep in her mind what her therapist, mom and best friend told her.

“It's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning, over and over again.”

“Hey, come look at this! Monica got stung by a jellyfish!” He giggled, getting comfortable on her couch.

She cursed under her breath, thinking how he would fuck up her progress in getting over him. Now twice. She grabbed her phone from the coffee table and walked in her bedroom to call her best friend.

“I'm really sorry, but I won't make it tonight.” She lied.

“What? Y/N, it's my birthday! You can't miss it.” Her best friend had furrowed her eyebrows, even if Y/N couldn't see it.

“I love you so much, I'll explain everything another time. And I am really and truly sorry.” She apologized again.

“Don't tell me he's there again.” Her best friend groaned and Y/N sighed.

“Y/N/N, he's no good for you. He's going to hurt you again. He's going to keep coming back since you're not turning him away. This is a never ending cycle, babe. Think about all the trauma he put you through. You need to put him in the past and move on.”

Y/N sighed defeated. Her best friend was right.

“Again, I'm really sorry.” She apologized one last time, before hanging up the phone. She walked back to the living room, where he was laying on the couch watching as Ross yelled ‘We were on a break!’. Harry chuckles at that and looks up to find you standing a few feet away from him.

“Care to join me, my beautiful girl?” he asked, making space for her and she smiled sadly as she nodded.

“Let me take my heels off really quick and I'll be right there.” She assured him, going inside her bedroom again, untying the straps from her heels and sitting down on her bed to catch her breath. She felt like throwing up. She felt her chest heating and that she was unable to breathe.

One, two.

In, out.

She was calm again.

The doorbell was heard, so she got up and out of her bedroom to find Harry already at the door.

“Stay the fuck away from her!” His slurred British accent alarming you. You ran quickly at the door and pushed Harry away from it.

“I'm really sorry about him, he's not feeling well. Thank you for your service!” Y/N tipped the now scared delivery guy, grabbing the bag of food from his hand and closing the door quickly. She pressed her back on it and sighed loudly.

“Don't be upset with me. He just wanted to get in your pants. I was trying to protect you. I always will.” Harry's eyes filled with tears once again. A laugh track was heard and she sighed again.

“It's okay, H. I'm fine. We're fine. Let's go eat!” She grabbed his hand and he smiled, wiping his eyes.

They spent the rest of the night cuddling on her couch.

The next day, he was gone again. She opened her phone to see multiple texts and calls from her best friend, telling her not to worry and that she would forgive her for bailing on her.

Y/N ignored all of them, including her therapist's email to confirm their weekly appointment. She knew that she would be disappointed to hear that she's taking more and more steps back.

A week later, she still hadn't heard a word from Harry and she waited for his appearance on her doorstep.

And there he was, a loud knock on the door startling her from the cookies she decided to bake as a stress reliever.

She ran to the door and opened it to find him there. He looked a little bit better than the last times he visited her, although he still reeked of tequila.

“Hello, my love.” He said, approaching her to kiss her lips. But she pulled away and shook her head. She opened the door wider for him to enter. He did and walked to the couch, sitting down and removing his shoes, already getting comfortable. Y/N couldn't take it anymore.

“We need to talk. I don't care if you're sober or drunk as fuck, but this has got to stop.” She said upset.

“What's bothering you baby? I can kiss it better.” He giggled and made grabby hands at her.

“Harry, I am serious. You can't keep doing this. There's no good reason to believe that we could ever exist again. I cannot be your friend. I definitely cannot be your lover. And I cannot be the reason we hold back each other from actually falling in love with someone else.” Y/N felt lighter after telling him exactly how she felt.

Harry felt a lump growing on his throat, his eyeline was gathering tears and he felt his chest tightening. Suddenly his head was clearer and he wasn't under the influence of alcohol completely.

“I just…you can't keep showing up, especially drunk, ruining everything. Expecting me that I would just take you back. You fucking traumatized me Harry. You broke my heart. And I'm trying so hard to forget you, to put you in the past and you're not letting me do that. You're just too busy playing the victim and acting like you are the one who's hurt, like you're the one that has a specialist taking care of you and your feelings. Can you just for once listen to me and stay the fuck away from me? Just…stay in my memories.”

She felt tears rolling down her cheeks, she didn't even notice she was crying. Harry looked down on the floor, sniffling. Y/N wiped her tears and sat down beside him.

“Since you came all the way over here, I'll let you stay. You can stay as long as it takes, but this is the last time. When you're going to leave, you're taking all of your books that you have left, your coat that’s still in my closet and that good cologne that you have left in my bathroom and it haunts me. It's still on my clothes and pretty much everything that I own and it makes me…feel like dying. I mean, I'm barely surviving as it is.”

Harry was feeling like his heart was being stabbed over and over again. He hadn't realized how much damage he had done to Y/N. He didn't want her to feel that way anymore.

He got off from her couch and walked to her bedroom grabbing his coat, the cologne from the bathroom and gathered the books from her bookcase, putting them inside a tote bag, which was also his.

“I'm not gonna bother you anymore. I-I am really sorry for the damage I did. I never meant to hurt you. I love you way too much and…I know what I'm saying is not gonna change anything but I needed to get it off my chest. I wish you only the best, my lo-Y/N. And I'll always be there for you, if you ever need me. But I'll just stay in your memories.”

He kissed her lips once. Twice. Three times.

When he pulled away both of them had tears rolling down their cheeks, their eyes were red and their lips swollen from the kisses they shared.

“I guess this is goodbye.” Harry whispers. “For now.” He smiled and Y/N nodded.

“Goodbye H. Take care.”

A/N: just a lil valentines day gift lol, this was heartwrenching to write, hope you all enjoyed and cried with me

#harry styles #one direction #harry styles story #harry styles fic #harry edward styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles angst #harry styles au #harry styles imagine

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busycloudy · 8 months

Text

It Wasn't Fate

Tw: Angsty, although it is my first time writing like this

Reader is MC and is gender neutral. Cater and reader are ex's

HEAVILY inspired by this song:

(Maybe listen to it while reading)

-----------------------------------------------------

It's now been 2 weeks since the two of you broke up. You stared at the ceiling thinking about it, the rain hitting the windows. You knew you should let it go, you knew that nothing could change what happened in the past, and you knew if you truly loved something you had to let it go. But, for some reason, you constantly thought about it. About everything you could've done better. Everything you did wrong. Constantly thinking the separation was your fault. You hated it so much. Grim and the Adeuce duo always tried to cheer you up, but even if you seemed happy again, there was something in your eyes. You didn't have the usual glint in your eyes. You wasn't yourself anymore.

Grim was bugging you about getting him some tuna so you got up from the couch and got a can of it. You opened the can and gave it to Grim, but then you heard a knock on the door. "Who could be out in this weather-" You opened the door and your eyes widened. At the door was Cater. He was sopping wet because of the rain. "Hey...Can I come in?" He asked. "Sure" You let him in and closed the door behind him. "Uh...Do you want anything? Tea or something?" You asked. He said he'd like some tea, and so you made him some. He mumbled a thanks and drank it. You looked at him, and you hated this. You hated how he came as soon as you were starting to get over it. You hated how heartbroken you felt. You hated all of this. "So, what are you doing here?" You put on a smile. "I was going to Heartslabyul, but then it started pouring, and this was the closest place." Cater said. "Would it be okay if I stayed for the night? It seems like the rain is just gonna get worse." He said. You wanted to tell him no. You wanted to tell him he can stay however long it takes to get his things and leave, but you didn't have the heart. "Sure" You smiled and got up to get a blanket and pillow so he can sleep on the couch. You came across something on the floor as you were getting the blankets. It was a phone case. The one Cater gave you when you two were together. It had the same pattern as Cater's did, except that it was your favorite color. You remembered when he gave it to you as a gift for tour 1st anniversary. The bright smile on his face. After the break up you immediately took it off your phone and threw it across the room. Sure, you might've overreacted, but could you really be blamed?

You eventually came back to him with the blankets and pillow. "Here you go" You gave him the items and took the tea cup to put it in the sink. It was still a bit if time before dark, so you stayed in the living room with him while scrolling on your phone. "Hey, MC, I just wanted to say thank you" He smiled at you. That smile reminded you of so much memories. When you two took a picture together. When you two went to a cafe together. When you two would goof off. You felt as if you were gonna cry. "It's no problem" You said with a tremble in your voice. You wished all your memories with him would go away. You wished this never happened. You knew in no universe would it have worked out with him. You couldn't be his friend nor lover. It wasn't fate that brought you two together like you used to say, no, you two met each other by pure coincidence.

#☁️cloudy writes #Angst #cater diamond #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #cater twisted wonderland

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heecyon · 1 year

Text

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑; 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆 —volume one

pairing: ceo!park jongseong x brother's best friend!fem!reader

genre: arranged/forced marriage, accidental pregnancy, brother's best friend, slight age gap (reader's 22 and jay's 24), angst, fluff and second chance love.

warning(s): grammar mistakes, curse words, nicknames, arranged marriage, suggestive scenes, mentions/allusions to sex, toxic/abusive mother, verbal abuse, vomiting, mentions of food, accidental pregnancy, sort of toxic relationship between jay and reader.

word count: 14.0k words

summary: Just a year ago, you were forced to marry Park Jongseong, CEO of the Southern Branch, part of the vary famous Park Enterprises. It was all for the sake of your family, a marriage for the benefit of gaining more traction as a company. Jongseong was attentive, caring, sometimes even sweet, but your relationship was more about sex than it was about the marriage itself. At some point, everything got bad, and it was just mere sexual intimacy that anything else, and just when you were close to ending things...you found out you were pregnant.

playlist • backburner by niki • common by zayn • dos mil 16 by bad bunny • used to this by camila cabello • astronomy by conan gray • lovers by anna of the north • lover of mine by 5sos • this love by taylor swift • julia by lauv •

volume two

CEOs & ARRANGEMENTS MASTERLIST

taglist (open): @iloveoceaneyesss @abdiitcryy @chimajeyn @sjakewrld @loves0ft @duolingofanaccount @ufoundme @sunghoons-mole @tobiosbbyghorl @dasa3040 @monkeybabyzz @snowysung @wonyofanclub @prdxinvade @dearhee @zhrtics @woinswoo @rerequire @in2jhae @darkreymbow @ahnneyong @uuwonniee @hueningluvbotsworld @iwuvjay @zen003xx @pshchives

author's note: So sorry for the delay, I'm still not done with volume two, and I wanted to have ready before publishing volume one, but I'm very impatient. The story is so long (it's 39k long at this point) that I had to divide it in two parts. I'm really anxious, because I don't know if this is good... but here you go. Also, the story is narrated mostly on the MCs views, not in first person, but mostly in the ambience that she is around.

PROLOGUE; And for once, I don't care about what you want. As long as we keep talking

It wasn't that the hospital bed was uncomfortable. It's the ambience, the situation that you just got into that made you uncomfortable.

Jongseong wasn't showing any type of expression, he was just standing, staring at the floor, maybe at his feet. You swore that his soul was wandering somewhere around the room.

You should've ended things sooner.

Maybe it was your fault, somehow.

ACT ONE; I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling. You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling

Ever since you had memory, Sunghoon has been your best friend. You were both polar opposites, but somehow you still got along perfectly. While Sunghoon was way more reserved, introverted and shy, you were outgoing, talkative and extroverted. Wherever Hoon went, you would follow him as well, as a baby chick following her mother.

And of course you weren't a stranger to Sunghoon's family. The Parks were very well-known around the continent, but it wasn't because of that. Your parents knew very well the five-membered family. As well, you were born in an old money family, from a very old business in the country. They had a very good friendship with The Parks, and that's how you met Sunghoon.

You would always visit the mansion with a huge smile on your face.

"Do you want more donuts, Bellie?" Hoonie asked, his cutesy twelve-year old face, stuffed with the strawberry jam-filled dessert. You held back a giggle, trying hard not to laugh. "Yes, obviously." Soon, you grabbed a donut from the counter. It had a delicious vanilla frosting, but on the inside it contained a nutella filling.

Bellie, Belle.

Those were the nicknames that the family gave you, well… Jay gave you that nickname. It started when you started dressing up as Belle from 'The Beauty and The Beast' every single halloween. Jay kept the name to joke around with you, but it soon became a way that they called you to express how dearly they loved you.

When you played around with dolls, it was a completely different story. With your friends, you used to play with baby dolls, pretending to be mother's taking care of their children.

But some of them didn't truly believe the name that you gave to your "baby".

"What's her name again?" The four year old in front of you asked. She didn't understand what you were saying.

While your friends gave their "babies" names like: Areum, Young-sun, and Lily. You, on the other hand, gave your "child" the following name…

"Noa, her name is Noa."

The kids looked at you weirdly, it wasn't a name that you usually heard, but you had always liked it.

Your parents had taken you on a business trip to Japan, alongside your older sister. They took you both to their offices in the country, where other kids would wait for their parents.

You were left alone, your sister leaving you behind to play with other children. You tried to play around with other kids, but they seemed to ignore, find you annoying, even, because of your chatty attitude.

The only kid who did not ignore you was a girl two years older than you, she was obviously smaller, but she was educated and sweet, and with the knowledge that she had, she held your hand taking you somewhere else to play.

"Play hide and seek?" Those were her first words towards you. "Of course!"

You were only happy that you got to play with somebody, that somebody was not ignoring. You just played around with her, both of your tiny legs looking for places to hide around the building.

And when the end of the day came, and you were being scolded by your mother to hurry up, you finally asked her:

"What's your name?" You said grabbing your glitter backpack.

"My name… is Noa."

The name sounded beautiful to you, something that you'd never heard before. And you remembered her, because she was the only kid who did not blatantly ignore you.

"Daddy, what does Noa mean?"

Your father had complete knowledge of that foreign language, within seconds he had answered your questions.

"It's a really nice name, it means 'from love' in japanese. Why do you ask?"

"I met a girl today, she was named that way, and I thought that the name was pretty."

That was the origin of that name that caused your friends to turn their heads, with time they got used to it, but they always found it curious.

As you were both enjoying your dessert, a presence came into the room. "I thought I told you to leave me one of those." You both turned around to see his older brother.

You were four years old when you first met Jay. Sunghoon had become your play partner and the rest of the kids were on a trip to the United States.

They had finally come back home and at first you weren't that interested, but when you first saw Jay coming through the entrance door, your heart gained experience for what a palpitation was, at least that's what your younger self thinks. For you, he was the most handsome boy you had ever seen, that childhood love that every girl would like to have for themselves.

"Sorry, they were way too delicious, they might have gone to waste." You said with a smirk on your lips. Nearly shoving the donut to his face.

Jay rolled his eyes, a small laugh coming out of his mouth.

"You are something else, if you continue like this you might as well just corrupt my brother with your silly personality."

"I'm sorry, but my personality is not silly." You got up from the seat, standing up in front of him.

For him, you could be a beautiful ray of sunshine one day, and the other you could be a huge gremlin, there was no in between.

"Sometimes it can be… you don't need to get so mad just because somebody finds you cute most of the time." "But I thought-"

He said lowering down his eyebrow, his hands laying on top of your shoulders. Jay sometimes made you feel things that you simply couldn't explain. You weren't in love with him, you just found him very attractive, and handsome…If someone would've told you would be feeling this way towards a boy, you were pretty sure that you wouldn't be friends with Sunghoon if it was because of that.

"When I say silly…I mean cute. Don't really want another cute person close to me, except you."

A sudden flush took over your cheeks, and till this day you are way too sure that something inside of him lighted up, right inside his soul.

But that wasn't the first close encounter you had with Jay.

Sometimes, things got way too intimate.

People knew you in high school as the witty, and silly girl, a ray of sunshine that illuminated the beautiful light blue sky. You made friends very easily, and were actually a good student.

You still hung out with Sunghoon during the school breaks, but because you were in different classes, you didn't see each other as much at school…but you did at home.

Still, the both of you tried your best to see each other at school.

It was one of those days where you waited for Sunghoon at lunch hour, the rest of the Parks were in the same class as Hoon. So, it wasn't a surprise for them that you were waiting for their youngest brother.

Even though you felt fazed at the moment, going back to what happened that morning. You had a small problem with one of your classes, chemistry to be exact.

It wasn't your forte, but you always gave your all, even though sometimes you felt a little bit lazy.

When your mother received your report card, a few days ago, she just focused on the B- that you had gotten in that class.

Among the various 'As' that you'd gotten, she only focused on that class. She scolded you, not only that… She yelled at you.

"Such a disappointment! How are you going to take care of a business with these horrible grades?!" She pressed her hand on your arm, as you looked at your sister, she gave you back a look of pity.

"Eunji, you don't have to be that way, it's just a grade, she does great in every single other class." "If you keep justifying her, she'll stay behind her sister and will continue to be a failure."

It wasn't like you weren't used to being called that way, it didn't bother you anymore, other than that it just made you realize that you would prove your mother wrong no matter what, you would be nothing like her.

"Hey, Sunghoon isn't done yet. You'll have to wait for a little while." Jay said getting close to you at the doorway

You still didn't understand why he never wore his uniform correctly. His school jacket was on, with the unbuttoned school shirt underneath.

And for some reason, he always wore a rock band t-shirt underneath his outfit.

By that time, Jay's hair was cut short. Bangs hanging on his forehead. Which was a problem, because for you… He looked hot. Jay was a good student, but with his image it didn't seem like it.

Girls were always trying to get his attention, as well as his brothers'. It was reasonable, they were incredibly handsome, but for you, Jay was something else.

"Yeah, I don't really mind." You responded, shrugging your shoulders

Jay examined you from head to toe. The way you looked down at your feet, the way your dark bangs covered your face, the way your skin glistened close to the sun and how your pink tinted lips would perfectly fit on his.

He also noticed your scent, a scent of cinnamon and vanilla glaze. It just made him more attracted to you.

Jongseong let a finger get close to your face, he then used three of his digits to move a piece of hair from your face placing it behind your ear. It felt like a light brush against your skin.

"You had a hair sticking out." The boy said with confidence. Your scent makes its way into his nostrils, as if you were tempting him into kissing you. He wondered what your lips tasted like? Did they taste exactly how you smelled like? Sweet and yummy?

On the other hand, your heart was beating irrationally, and soon you felt like your stomach was pressing against your ribs. Why was Jay making you feel such things?

"I can take you somewhere else, that way you won't miss your lunch." Jongseong's voice took you out of your trance in a complete surprise.

"And where would you take me?" You asked suddenly, gaining confidence.

"I know a place." He said getting closer to your body. You felt yourself heat up on the inside. "What about Sunghoon?" You came up with an excuse.

Jay looked back into the classroom. A focused Sunghoon getting in his view, still invested in his notebook.

"He won't mind." The boy said looking back at you, a smirk adorning his lips. "But-"

"Trust me, Y/N. Let's go." He held a grip on your arm, carefully guiding you to wherever he was taking you.

He somehow managed to take you to a place outside of the school territory. It was a burger place, decorated with hanging plants, cacti on the floor and white long couches that sat around the restaurant.

Jay guided you towards one of the couches, a table in front of you.

You both proceeded to order from the menu. Shy to order anything without having your wallet in hand, just having a few dollars in your pockets, Jay said the following. "Don't worry, order anything you want. Lunch is on me."

You nervously shook your head. "No, no. I'll pay for my own food." "It's alright, I'll pay for you. I don't mind." He smiled.

In the end, both of you ordered what caught your interest from the menu. And when it arrived, you were ready to devour. You know those delicious hamburgers with a juicy patty and that magnificent melted cheese? Well, that's what you were devouring, including those delicious cheese balls that you always liked.

"Can I have some?" Jay asked, pointing at the basket full of the delightful appetizers.

"Well… Let me think about it." You said while grabbing a cheese ball. A hum escaped your lips as you pretended to think about giving him the snack. "Ok, you can have it."

Jay happily grabbed the cheese ball from your hand, and just as he cheerily ate the snack you giggled underneath your breath. For you, he looked cute. And you continue to enjoy your lunch together, sometimes the silence that you would be in after a conversation, would be comfortable and warming.

Sometimes you didn't notice how he would stare at you in awe, as if he was seeing a hidden wonder from the world.

And then you asked him something, "Have you thought about what your grandfather told Sunghoon?" The inquiry you made had caused Jay to get out of his trance. He looked at you with strange eyes, as if he was thinking about what he wanted to answer.

His grandfather had always been skeptical, also a little bit stressful. When the boys were just little kids, he kept talking about how they had to continue the family business. They were just five at the moment, and they didn't understand what he meant. But as they grew older they soon got a hold of the situation.

'Park Enterprises' has been a family business since 1962, exactly founded by Mr. Park, it started as a small office, a business to start technological advancements. Soon, the company grew to be huge, having three different branches in South Korea.

SPE, or The Southern Branch, is the one in charge of the Nanotechnological Advancements. NPE, also called The Northern Branch, is the one who takes care of the Communicative Technological Advancements. Meanwhile WPE, or The Western Branch, is the one in charge of Healthcare Technological Advancements.

The enterprise had become an empire that had spread around the world. With different sucursals in Italy, U.S, even some countries of Latin America. It was clear that it was a very successful business, a well known name that was stuck to the public's mouth.

No matter what happened, the brothers saw this business as their future responsibility. They wanted to make their family proud, and they were ready for whatever they had to do for the family business, even if it was not what they wanted.

"If my family thinks that it's for the best, then I'll do whatever they want me to do." You looked at him, raising your eyebrows with curiosity and surprise. You always say Jay as a man that was stubborn and obstinate, if he didn't like something he would say it, and he wasn't someone to give in easily.

So, you scoffed. "That sounds so weird coming from you." He raised his head looking at you. Jay knew that somehow you were right. He didn't want to be brainwashed by his family, but that business was his family's pride and joy. He wasn't ready to let them down.

"What do you mean?" Jongseong pretended to be clueless. A sigh escaped your lips.

"Jay, you can't have kids when you are just 17." You stated calmly. "You also can't get married at your age, you are too young."

It wasn't that you were saying it just because of Jay. You were saying that to yourself too. The reason why you had met 'The Park Family' in the first place was because you came from an old money family.

Your family owned a business, 'Baezen Corp'. An investment company that has been led by your family from various decades and generations. Your older sister was the first in line to take charge of the president position in the company, meanwhile your family still analyzed what position you would have under the business (if that's what you wanted), as you were still young and they still wanted to check if you were perfect for the family business… and with the way that your mother saw you, you found it a little far away.

"They didn't say when they plan to engage me with someone." He muttered under his breath.

You slightly shook your head in disappointment, trying your best to alleviate the bad energy that you had just provoked.

"Also, do you even have an idea of who you want to marry? What exactly do you look for in a girl?"

Jay, then raised his head to look at you. He parted his lips getting ready to start talking, as if he already planned what to say even before you asked the question.

"I'm looking for a girl that is sweet, a girl that looks like an exact representation of the moon, but that her personality is just like the very rays of the sun falling into the ocean waves." He proceeded to stare at you, looking deeply into your eyes, as if he could read your soul. Jay's cat eyes shone from enchantment, anticipation, almost as if he was under a spell.

A spell that you might have put on him, his gaze was enough to make your heart race, and to make your fingers tingle from excitement.

"I want a girl who is intelligent and has a passion for learning. A girl that smells like cinnamon spice and vanilla. I'm looking for a girl whose lips will taste just like an exquisite dessert. And lastly, her eyes have to shine like the moon reflects itself on the water when she looks at what she loves and desires… Just like you, right now."

His last words made you blink in shock, you hadn't noticed how hard you were staring at him. But it seemed that at some point you might have been under the spell that he had been just a few seconds before.

"Sorry, it's just that your description sounded so poetic, I didn't know you could be so romantic." "There are some things that you don't know about me." He smiled.

You cleared your throat before proceeding. "Where have you seen a girl like that, anyway?"

You saw the boy get closer to you, moving his seat right beside you. Then, he moved his hand close to your locks, moving them away from your face.

"It might surprise you, but I'm staring at her right now."

That was the moment that your breath got stuck somewhere around your respiratory system. As if you had forgotten all of a sudden how to breathe.

You had expected Jay to tell you all those things. Yes, he was a tease sometimes, but never intimate with his words.

"Jay."

For a second your lips parted, and you felt that you were getting closer to each other, as if your lips were to touch at any time. The boy creeped a hand down to your neck, causing small tickles on your skin. His eyes were now dazed, left with nothing but a small glimmer.

And then the phone rang, Jay's phone to be exact.

You both backed away quickly, and you nervously passed your hands on your skirt, as if you were trying to keep it clean.

"I-It's Sunghoon, we better hurry. Class is about to start." This time he didn't look at you. It was like he was ashamed or was simply just shying away from you.

"Yeah, you are right."

It wasn't a few hours later, when you were at their house that things got intense. You had asked Hoon to help you with some homework, but he told you something that you weren't expecting.

"I don't really remember any of this, but you can ask Jay for some help."

And that's how you ended up at their study room, with Jay right beside you, giving a quick eye to your chemistry book, before turning to the next page.

How was it that he smelled so good? Just like amber and citrus, a small touch of wood but also warm.

How was it that he caused you to want to crawl out of your skin? The fact that he wasn't bothered to help even though he had better things to do, was causing a small race in your heart.

"It isn't that hard, it's actually quite easy. You just have to identify the components and use the formula. The formula is not that hard either- Bae, are you listening?" He waved his hand in front of you, causing you to wake up from your trance.

"I thought I lost you there." You looked directly at his lips, the mark at the middle of the skin calling your attention. It was as if they were calling you, calling your lips. You wanted to kiss him.

You inhaled deeply, getting ready for what you were going to say.

"Can you finish what you started?" Jay looked at you confused. "What do you mean?"

It was now you, who got close to him. Your hand making itself comfortable at his cheeks, the naughty of your thumb rubbing the end of his sharp jaw.

"Can you finish what you started? Please." You said with a little plea in your voice, like your body was desperate for his lips.

Jay looked hesitant, but he didn't waste a second to pull the same move that he did at the restaurant. His fingers guiding themselves to your hair, and softly caressing it in a comforting way.

"If we kiss then, I don't think I will be able to stop." "Then don't, just stop until you've finished what you provoked in me."

And that's when it happened, when the soft flesh touched yours, how you felt them pressing against your upper lip. He then moved them trying to start a monotonous movement. You felt his hands then at the bottom of your hips, your skirt being the only thing that stopped them from touching your skin.

You both felt as if you were running out of air, so you slowly disconnected your lips from the other.

Your hand was still stuck to his jaw, and you stayed like that until you came out from your dazy phase.

"I-I have to go back home." You stood up from the sofa, grabbing your stuff and letting your feet lead you to the door.

A while after that, both you and Jay pretended that nothing ever happened, and getting close to each other caused certain things on your skin, you were way too nervous to be around each other.

The Park Brothers graduated high school and that just meant that they were a step closer to getting what their family wanted.

You followed their steps two years later, and even though they were occupied with college, they still had some time to enjoy with you. It wasn't the same as it was before, but it was still fun and joyful.

But, it wasn't until you were twenty-one that something happened. It wasn't disheartening, it was just weird and obviously unexpected. You knew that you had feelings for Jay, you couldn't deny it. It was the butterflies and pixie dust that you felt every time you were with him.

"Unnie? Is something going on?" You asked as you walked into the backyard. Your parents were sitting across the huge table that decorated the garden. Your sister, Juni stayed at a distance, like she was trying to keep the situation from getting more awkward. She wanted to be there, but not didn't really want to invade your space.

"Mom and Dad have something to tell you. We thought that it would be better if we stayed here so you could take fresh air." Juni softly grabbed your arm guiding you towards a chair that was just in front of your parents seat.

You adjusted the skirt of your dress, and then noticed the serious expression on their faces. Mr. Bae and Mrs. Gwan, two successful business leaders that were well respected by the public. These were their faces when they had a critical meeting, when they needed to be direct and strict towards some clients.

"Is something wrong?"

And that was the same expression that they taught you just by doing it themselves. Something that no client wanted to see, neither any single worker and worse, their own daughters.

"Dear, you know how important Baezen Corp is to us. It's been an essential part of our family for a long time, and the thing is that joining our hands with other companies wouldn't be a bad idea, especially if it means for the future of the business."

You frowned at your father's words. Not because you found it weird, but because you already knew all those things.

"I know, father. You've been telling me that ever since I have memory, but it terrifies me what you want to tell me."

Your parents glanced at each other. Getting ready to tell you the news.

"Darling, your sister is soon becoming the president of Baezen Corp. and that means that she is going to need a vice-president by her side to help her manage the company. And you've proven to us that you deserve that spot." Your jaw fell in surprise, you never thought that you would be vice-president for Baezen Corp. You thought that you weren't good enough, but your parents have now proved you wrong.

"Is it really? I can't believe this. Thank you so much, I promise that I won't fail you." You stood up from happiness, but your sister put her hands on your shoulders for you to sit back down.

"That's not all we have to say, dear. There's more to communicate, and we don't know how you'll react." The smile from your face fell.

"How I'll react? How I'll react to what?"

Juni gave them a short glance before they continued speaking.

Your mother cleared her throat. "Y/N, we've been talking a lot with The Park Family, about how we want our business to grow and how we want it to last for many years."

"And we thought that it would be better if we join our businesses to make a new branch, where the next generation of our family will be in charge. So, not only are our companies joining together, but also our families."

This was the moment where you knew what they were talking about, this wasn't about you taking the position of Baezen's future vice-president. This was about your family making sure that you kept on for various generations. That was when your father spoke up again.

"Dear, you are getting married to Park Jongseong."

There was a huge fog that fulfilled your mind, and it felt like the world was moving all of the sudden. You weren't ready to get married, and it wasn't because of Jay, it was just that you wanted to get married in your own will, with somebody you loved and that loved you back.

Your body went numb and you felt your legs shutting their nerves down, as if you had gone paralyzed by the shock.

"Y/N, you got to understand that it's all for a major good." The voice of your mother sounded so distant and incoherent, as if you were underneath the water. You could feel your sister's hand across your shoulders, soothing you into a state that was supposed to be calm, but instead you just felt confused and lost.

You didn't want to get married.

You could not get married.

Because…

Jay didn't love you.

At least, that's what you feared...

ACT TWO; And whether we're free-willed or predestined, clearly I've not learned my lesson, even now. Hope he doesn't strike me down.

For the following week, you were dazed, nervous and stressed. Your special task was to maintain a peace of mind that you simply didn't have at that moment.

It was as if your brain was on fire, you were full of a million questions that weren't being answered for you.

Did Jay know any of this?

Was he in the same state as you were?

Did he approve any of it?

Did he hate you?

The less that you wanted was Jay to hate you, you wanted the exact opposite. But you didn't want to force him to love you.

At the moment, you were at one of the tables from a luxurious hotel. It was a company party… Park Enterprises' party, to be exact.

You felt embarrassed to be there, but your mom's tightening grip kept you in that place, her fingers hurting the delicate skin of your arm.

How red would it be after that…

Your entire family was there, not only because they were friends, but because your engagement had a lot to do with it.

Hands went to a glass of wine that had been given to you by one of the waiters, you drank a few sips, enjoying the taste of grapefruit and kiwi that the alcoholic drink contained.

The clinking of a spoon against a wine glass was heard across the room. The Parks had rented the whole building just for this event, and even though it didn't seem pleasing for the management, it was beneficial for the hotel owners.

"Dear guests, I hope you are having a pleasing evening. Thanks for coming to the celebration of Park Enterprises' 60th anniversary." Mrs. Park wore a long black dress, it had small pieces of diamonds decorating the torso of the clothing, she wore long sleeves and her jet black hair was down.

She looked so young and happy, like she had just found a lucky charm for a special collection. She looked… Proud.

"But, we are not only here for that. We are here also, to celebrate something really important."

"Soon next year, our son, Park Jongseong will become the chief executive officer of Park Enterprises' Southern Branch." Those sudden words made your heart leap up to your throat. Jay was finally taking his family's footsteps and for some reason that got you scared. That could mean that you both wouldn't spend as much time together as a couple. You would be vice-president of Baezen Corp. and Jay would lead the Southern Branch as its CEO.

People clapped from joy, or maybe compromise, you could care less, but being at the party just made you wish for some fresh air.

Maybe it was because you couldn't keep your eyes away from Jay, he looked so elegant with his tux, not only that, but he also looked hot.

You walked away from the room, going towards the pool area, the water being an artificial blue, looking just like a blue flame. The area was big and nice, with a clear view towards the city lights of Seoul and its buildings. There were various pool beds, big and round with white sheets, but gray borders. You sat on one of them, right below a louvered roof that was connected to a wall.

The thought of Jay being your soon-to-be- husband was terrifying, not because you were marrying him, but because the thought of him hating you because of it was eating you alive.

But there was another thought on your mind. Your first kiss. It was with Jay, he was your first kiss, and for you, the fire that was coming up inside your body that day was coming back the moment you saw him with that tux, he looked so professional and mysterious, as if his aura was different.

Jay had always been confident, but this time it was different, he looked… powerful. Ready for everything and anything.

You caressed your exposed leg, eyeing the soft fabric of your white, short dress. You kicked off your heels, feeling them press against your ankle.

The water from the pool was moving, but in a calm way, you tried concentrating on it, trying to forget about everything that was going on. For one night you just wanted to relax and forget.

A shriek escaped your lips when you felt contact within your skin. It was a hand, and when you turned around, you fell deeply into that familiar and deep gaze.

"Why aren't you at the party?" You brushed Jay's hand off from your shoulder. "I needed some fresh air, it was a little bit suffocating in there."

Jongseong passed a hand through his hair, keeping it away from his face. "Are you okay? Be honest with me, Y/N."

No, you weren't okay, there was something strange building up inside you, the fingerprints of your hands wanted to touch him so bad, it was a necessity at that point.

"I'm okay, it's just… you know, things have been weird recently and it can be kinda overwhelming."

Jay knew that there was something that you weren't telling him, you were hiding something, and deep inside him, he wanted to uncover it and at the same time he wanted to kiss you so profoundly that you would both forget your names.

"You are lying, baby." He grabbed your chin, making you look at him. Jay needed you so bad, he was done hard for you, head over heels.

You inhaled before answering again. "I don't want to be your wife if you don't love me."

"This isn't about love, Y/N. This is about our families… but that doesn't mean that I don't feel something for you right now." Jay looked at your lips, they were glossy and red.

Beautiful, he thought.

"Do you love me, Ms. Bae?" You feared what would happen if you answered that question truthfully, and Jay did too.

"I don't, Mr. Park." You lied with an awkward smirk, you shamelessly lied, and somewhere inside him, Jay knew that you were lying.

And Jay swore that his heart shattered when he heard those words come out of your mouth. So, he came up with the next question.

"Do you lust for me, Ms. Bae?" His eyes turned dark with curiosity.

"I do, Mr. Park." You whispered underneath your breath. Your face being inches from touching. "Do you lust for me, Mr. Park?" You said feeling his lips almost brush yours.

"You already know the answer to that." And with that, he kissed you. And he did roughly, it was so rough that you grabbed his hair as your lips crashed against each other.

His hands moved towards your hips as they did the first time. He didn't want to ruin this, you didn't want to ruin this.

You loved each other and you knew it, but your biggest fear, for the both of you, was that your arranged marriage would kill off that passionate love that you felt ever since you were teens.

You both knew you lied, but it was better to know that lie than knowing the truth and then it being shattered.

And when he laid you on that bed, you both knew that this was the start of something new.

A beautiful and lustful lie.

ACT THREE; After everything you put me through, I somehow still believe in you.

Your heart was about to break through your chest, all because what was happening at the moment was completely unbelievable. When you were little, you always had this fantasy that you would get married to Jay, your parents always said it as a joke and to play around with you, but you never thought that it would actually become a real thing.

Because right now, you had Jay dressed up as a groom in front of you, his hair back, only a few strands in front of his face.

The way his warm hands held your cold ones, and the way you felt your heart fluttering because he was right there, in just a few minutes Jay was going to be all yours, your husband.

It was just the way that you felt your feet go numb by knowing that he was about to say his vows to you.

He looked so unreal and so elegant, but if you could be inside his mind in that instant you would've been overwhelmed by how overestimated Jay's brain was at the moment.

Jongseong thought you looked so beautiful, and the way you pressed your lips in nervousness was heartwarming. He knew that at heart he wanted to be with you, so bad. He'd never had such strong feelings for anyone before, in his entire life.

Seeing you right now, Jay realized how bad he wanted things to work out, how bad he wanted you to be his wife. But he was afraid, he was afraid to grow attached to you, because he was afraid that after this you would both end up heartbroken.

"I, Jay, take you, Y/N, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life." He meant that last part, with his whole heart he meant it, how could he not love you.

But how can you love someone and also be afraid of loving them?

"I, Y/N, take you, Jay, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Your parents were watching, both of your families were watching how their kids were fearful to love somebody with such passion. How could you be able to survive something like this? Pretend you both didn't love each other just for the mere fact of fear.

The ring exchange was just around the corner and everything just felt more surreal, as if you were stuck in a dream, a dream that was magical, but also painful.

The rings were presented to you, Jay grabbing yours, a beautiful ring with a shining heart-shaped diamond on its center.

You swore you saw his hand change, but he was shaking in anticipation, in amusement. Jay held back a chuckle, trying to keep it cool, but he gave a quick glance to you with a nervous smile, lips sealed together.

"With this ring I, Jay, take you, Y/N, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us." Jongseong slides the ring on your finger, feeling the cold sensation of the sacred ring in your digit.

You gave him a warm smile, a smile that he dearly loved ever since he was a kid.

"With this ring I, Y/N, take you, Jay, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us." Now the both of you had a ring in your fingers that joined you together, you were now one and only one.

You could daydream a life with Jay, but you couldn't envision it in your day to day life. Not because you didn't desire it, because it all felt so unreal.

You were now getting married to somebody whom you were afraid to admit that you loved. And he was feeling exactly the same.

The both gave each other a glance, your eyes connected, not being able to pull them apart from the other.

"By the power vested in me by the state, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now seal your union and the promises you've made to each other this day with a kiss."

You looked at each other for a moment, this was it, you were now sealed by sacred union.

"May I?" Jay whispered.

You nodded your head with a shy smile on your lips. "You may"

The feeling of Jay's soft lips on top of yours was warm, candid, and sweet. Cheers from people could be heard from behind you…

From now on, you were husband and wife.

"This place is really nice, it's really pretty."

You had arrived at a hotel in Bali, something that your parents had planned, which was not a surprise. The flight was quiet and peaceful, Jay fell asleep on your shoulder, which caused your stomach to do weird tricks in you, you were more than nervous.

"I want to get to the pool first." Jay said placing your bags at a corner of a room. You felt his presence coming closer to you, his warmth betrayed him completely.

"So, can I call you Mrs. Park now? It has a nice ring to it." He placed his head near the crook of your neck, causing your skin to go ticklish that it made you shrugged. "Somebody's sensitive." Jay got away from your neck, but before getting away could do that, he placed a quick peck on your skin, which caused your cheeks to redden.

"And also shy."

He propped himself on the bed, his back resting against the bed frame. Jay took off his black leather jacket, letting it fall beside him.

You walked up to him, setting yourself on the large queen bed, sitting right beside him. "Can't believe I'm married to you." Jay murmured.

"Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?" You asked him with curiosity, he could feel your gaze on him. "I don't know, you'll have to figure it out." He turned his to the side to look at you, raised eyebrows, cocky expression. "You are such a tease." You whispered.

Something overpowered you, as you let your legs guide you to where your soul wanted to go. You found yourself resting on top of Jay, on his lap, your eyes looking at his lips and then looking at his sharp cat eyes.

You felt his hands naughtly making themselves comfortable on your hips, the right one rubbing your lower back, he roughly pulled you closer to him and you grabbed his shoulders adjusting your body to his figure.

"I want you to kiss me right now." His smirk was such a provocative point and the way he missed the taste of your lips made him want you closer to him. "I was already thinking about that."

He pulled you closer to him, your lips sealed against the other as he tasted your lips and the vanilla flavor they had. He continued to caress your hips in a caring manner and you finished the night with the both of you feeling the warmth of each other's skin as you hugged the other.

The sun fell through the window as you blinked trying to keep the sleep away, you got up to the bathroom just to wash your face and do your skin care before finally washing your teeth.

You heard the water running and knew that Jay was getting ready for work.

"Good morning!" You said with your mouth full of toothpaste foam. "Good Morning!" Jay responded as he washed away his soap.

You continued with your routine as the morning went on, you cooked breakfast and prepared Jay's lunch bag.

"Belle I'm leaving!" You heard his voice soon, noticing that he was already by the exit. "Wait, your lunch bag." You sprinted towards him.

"Thanks." You saw his sweet smile, being completely grateful for your efforts and your food.

He loved when you did that, when you cooked for him, but he preferred when he cooked for you, he loved doing things for you and it was slowly becoming a habit of his.

"See you at night." Jay pulled you closer to give you a quick peck in your lips, before caressing your cheek.

You saw him go away and you stayed at the frame of the door as you heard the engine go off and him driving away.

With that, you got ready yourself and packed your stuff to get ready to work. That was the way that you started your day ever since you got married, and you definitely liked it.

"Thanks as always, Heeseung."

You had gotten off from your car, whose driver was your secretary, Heeseung. He was new to the business, but he was organized and really respectful. He parked your car at the covered parking lot of the company.

The small sound of your sneakers pierced through the walls of the underground lot. You had Heeseung behind you, who wore a dark suit with a blue-patterned tie.

You walked right through the glass double doors that guided to the building offices, you checked yourself through the glass, making sure that your outfit was well arranged.

A satin primrose dress was adjusted to your body, but it kept itself away from your shoulders, a similar colored belt defined your waist, a pair of beige shorts hugged your thighs and a pair of platform sneakers covered your feet.

"Heeseung, please contact President Bae. We have a meeting with the council, do you think you can remind her of it?" The young man agreed, quickly taking out his phone to contact your sister.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Bae!"

"Good morning, Mrs." A pair of coworkers greeted you after they heard you walk through the doors.

You greeted back with a warm smile as you led yourself to your office. Heeseung opened the other set of glass doors for you, and then you left your bag on the desk to sit on the soft white leather chair.

It annoyed you that your mother had called just to tell you that she thought that your work could be better, that she was disappointed with your levels of work. Even though you slept late most of the time to make up for what your sister missed, and taking care of the arrivals of new clients.

Throughout the rest of your day, you checked the work of the staff and completed the work that your sister couldn't do at the time, you scheduled some meetings and at some point of the day you received a visit from a dear friend of yours.

"How's my Bellie doing?" Hoon was always occupied, ever since he took charge of The Northern Branch he was always taking care of something in the company building, not only that but, also overseas, it was like he lived farther away than before. He was always somewhere far, like the U.S, Europe, even other countries of Asia.

"Sunghoon, it's good to see you." You got up from your desk to hug him. He'd recently been in Los Angeles, to make a deal with a communication company for a further partnership. "I was just walking around the area, decided to pay you a visit." He ruffled your hair making it a small mess

You both sat down at one of the tables in your office, you offered an ice coffee with a dessert.

"I thought you would have a girlfriend already, you know, have settled down." "You know that I don't really want a relationship right now." Sunghoon had always been like that, he had always thought that he needed some time for himself before getting into a relationship. He felt bad for rejecting various girls, he wasn't capable of breaking their heart, but he wasn't gonna force himself into a partnership either.

"How's married life going?"

He bit down the glazed donut with strawberry jam filling, it reminded him of his childhood years and how much fun he had during those.

"Everything is going great, though I believe that we can improve some things."

You remembered how things were a few months ago, and how you had been feeling since.

The fact that your parents planned a honeymoon after your wedding was just perfect for you.

Jay was excited that day and you were more than him. After all, you were finally married, which sounded so weird to say out loud.

You spent a lot of time together, but back at home it wasn't any different. You stuck to each other for everything. If Jay was cooking, you were there, if you were working at the home office, he was there.

And the intimacy… was the way to compensate for the words that you feared to say.

But, you sometimes doubted if what you felt was lust, or if it was love. You knew there was love, but there was always some fear to express it. And that wasn't really healthy.

You thought that if you just kept it there, you would both be perfect as it was. You didn't want to ruin anything, because then…there was no turning back, there was no fixing anything.

And you didn't want to lose Jay, and he didn't want to lose you.

So, if that meant being inside each other's backburner, then you would do anything to keep him.

Sometimes it was sad, you wanted to hear Jay saying "I love you." You wanted to scream those words out loud.

A time later after having a conversation with Sunghoon, he left.

You got out of work, bring various documents with you. Waving goodbye to your co-workers, you got your phone out to contact Heeseung.

Your white nails clicked against the back of your cellphone. The fake gems in your fingernails shined because of the sun reflecting on them.

The phone rang a few times, but then it sent you to voicemail. You rang it a few more times, waiting for Heeseung to pick up, but he never did. So you called Haewon instead.

"Hey, Haewonie! Have you seen Heeseung? He isn't picking up my calls."

"Sorry dear, I haven't. He went out in a hurry a few hours ago, so I haven't seen him since." You then thanked her and hung up quickly.

A thought came into your mind.

Jay has picked you up before, but you didn't wanna bother him. It was wednesday, so I went out of work early that day.

You gave it a second thought before finally calling him.

You waited a few rings, before you finally heard his voice. "Hello?"

A sigh from relief came out of your throat. "Hey! How's everything going?" You asked, trying to be polite.

"I'm good, a little bit tired, but I'm heading back home. Are you there already?" A finger unconsciously rolled one of your locks, you continued playing with your hair as you enjoyed the sound of your husband's voice.

"About that… You think you can pick me up from the office? I don't know where Heeseung is, so I was wondering if-"

"I'll be there in a minute."

He interrupted you all of the sudden, making you smile warmly.

You waited a few minutes outside of the building, before seeing the characteristic car that was always parked in your house's driveway.

The windows lowered down, showing a Jay that was adjusting his blazer, unbuttoning his piece of clothing revealing his white shirt.

In your eyes, he looked handsome, like always, and you kept on wondering, how was it that you got married to such an attractive man. You forced yourself to get out of your mind maze, and then let your feet guide you to the car, straight up opening the door.

"Thanks for picking me up. Don't know what happened to Heeseung, he was supposed to be here." You murmured looking at your phone. "You don't need to thank me, I'm your husband after all, I'm supposed to take care of you." You shook your head in negation.

"You can't be taking care of me all the time. I can take care of myself." Jay squeezed your thigh and then proceeded to rub his hand against it, but you put your small hand on top of his and he took it as an opportunity to grab it and rub his thumb on the skin.

"I ordered some burgers, they come with cheeseballs if you were going to ask." He looks at you for a quick second before turning back to the street.

When you reached home, you got some comfy clothing and quickly sprinted into the kitchen to hunt down your food.

It wasn't surprising that Jay was there, he was taking out the plates from the pantry and he placed them on the aisle of the kitchen. You then sat on top of it, which was a common occurrence.

Jay turned back to the aisle to see you sitting on it. He liked the view, you were wearing his oversized t-shirt with a pair of shorts, it made you look cute, but he always thought you looked cute, he always thought you were beautiful.

"Alright, there's your food, young lady." He pointed at the plate. "Cheeseburger with extra cheese, french fries and with your favorite, cheeseballs."

"Thank you, young man." You bowed how you could with your position, but you then grabbed his hands and put them around your waist. "I should give you a kiss to repay you." You softly place your lips below his, all with the usual sweetness that you carried around with you.

"You should be careful, miss, or I will die from how cute you are." You felt your heart beat stronger than before, leaving a little blush in your cheeks. You turned away trying not to get disheartened.

Don't get too attached!

And when you and Jay acted as a couple, sometimes you wished that was your normal.

With that, the weeks passed and even though it seemed like you were newlywed, you soon turned one year of marriage, and obviously, Jay's family was already asking for a grandchild, his grandfather to be exact.

You visit often, with Jay or without him. You saw him as your own grandfather, he could be grumpy sometimes, but you quickly got why Jay was so sweet and caring towards you.

His grandfather was exactly the same.

You knew where he got it from.

"Shouldn't you be resting, papa?" You played your hands on his shoulders. "I have way too much energy to be in bed, darling."

"Shouldn't your husband be here with you, instead of you being here following me around." Jay chuckled, coming right to your side. "It's just that Y/N sneaks away from me, it doesn't mean that I don't want to be with her." Jay's fingers softly traced your neck, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

"She's so sneaky that she's cute at this point." You could feel his breath right at your neck, tingles spreading through your body. "So cute that you seem heavenly to me." A blush went across your cheeks and your ears. You looked at him right in the eyes, his gaze was penetrative but it shone when he saw you, like little sparkles that flew around his orbs.

"When are you two planning on giving me a grandchild?"

You felt a shock of electricity attack your heart, it hit so hard that it made your heart beat like crazy, and for Jay it wasn't any different.

"We are still not thinking about that, we are trying to enjoy what we have right now."

"Then enjoy it quickly, I'm pretty sure that you two will have a little one running around our family house in no time."

And with that, things became a little bit uncomfortable on the way back home, you both stayed quiet for a while.

That was until…

"Do you wish to have children, Belle?" The question took you out of your thoughts, but it didn't surprise you after what had happened but at the family house.

"I-I mean, if you don't want to have children it's fine, I'll be fine with whatever you want."

His words stroke your heart, he wasn't forcing you to have kids just for his family's sake. He was dealing to go with whatever you wanted to go with.

And that's what moved your heart.

"Jay… I do want children, it's just- we just got married, we just turned a year and maybe we just need more time just for us."

Jongseong nodded at your words, and his hand stroked your naked thigh, sometimes reaching the fabric of your dress, but with your finger you tickled his knuckles causing him to chuckle.

He pulled the car towards the sideway, the tigles that he provoked on your thighs were starting to go through your body, his hands moved from your thigh to the flesh of your neck, he softly shifted you towards him, being careful with your spine.

Jay's breath could be felt on top of your lips, he leaned closer finally closing the space between you, he moved his lips with a soft pace, until you fought with his to make the movement rougher and passionate. The butterflies that were accumulating inside your stomach were too much to bear, so parted your lips from his, just to move your legs in a way that you would be on top of him, both legs on his side.

After that, you kissed him again, your tasty lips being his temptation and his sweet dream. Jay's hand caressed your waist, making you fully sit down on top of him.

And with that you both started that night with a passionate fire.

Maybe something within you made things uncomfortable between the two of you, because after that, Jay started to realize that maybe you would never have a normal marriage, you both knew about it, but throughout this time, he just became more subconscious about the topic.

Your footsteps could be heard from downstairs, even though you were barefooted. A black blazer staring at you from the living room, resting at the sofa… Beside it were a few oversized sweatshirts that you wore all the time.

The smell of sweet honey and orange juice could be smelled around the house. Jay likes that smell, it was his second favorite, right after your scent and the taste of your lips, that cinnamon scent.

Even though he could feel the smell of his breakfast go through his nostrils, he was actually in a hurry, he'd actually been in a hurry since a month ago. You hadn't had the time to speak to him a lot like before and that saddened you, really deeply.

You heard the sound of his shoes through the stairs as you packed his lunch bag. It contained pancakes covered in honey and caramel, and his lunch, which was pasta salad.

Jay was already near the exit, with his bag already packed, so you sprinted with his lunch bag in your hands.

"Jay, here's your food." You said with a smile, but his face didn't express the same, it was as if he was bored, mad to say the least.

"Yeah, thanks." He grabbed the bag and opened the door in a hurry. "I'll see you at night." And with that, he left. You heard the sound of the car engine turning on, and then it drove through the streets.

"See you at night."

You whisper sounds depressive, it even caused you to feel dizzy.

He didn't even say goodbye, he didn't kiss your cheek as he always did… That's how it had been a few weeks ago.

And you wondered why you expected it to be different. You thought about that moment in the morning the whole day, even in the office, you couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Has Jay not answered your calls?" Your friend, Haewon was right behind you as you dialed your husband's number for the fourth time.

"No, he's being really busy these days." You rubbed your forehead in a little bit of stress. Recently, you felt really tired, dizzy, nauseous even. You knew that an upcoming deal with a foreign company was coming up, and you were stressed out, so that could be provoking your symptoms. "You've been busy and you still bother to call, you should talk to him. Didn't you say that he was really distant recently."

Actually, you were both distant, work had a lot to do, but also the fact that you couldn't take it anymore. Even when you acted like a couple, not being able to express the love you had for each other was a real deal breaker.

The days that you felt like telling him how much you missed him, you stayed away. The days he felt like telling you how beautiful you were, he looked away. The days where you felt like finally telling each other how much you loved the other, you both parted away.

You weren't ready to be fond of him, yet. Even though you already had strong feelings for him. What if something happened and you ended up heartbroken? You weren't a conventional couple, you were arranged married, and your fears were so big that you were incapable of getting too comfortable with him.

The sound of the telephone hanging was just the thing you needed. The way your mom called once again was not a surprise to you, but it was still tiring.

"How can you be so incompetent, so stupid?!"

"You are such a failure, I don't know how you still work here?"

"Such a high position in the company and you're still a fucking idiot!"

"You look really pale, Y/N. Do you need me to bring you something to eat, drink?" "Do you think you can bring me a peppermint lemonade, Haewonie?" She nodded as you muttered a 'thank you'.

The sound of your fingers touching the keyboard was enough to cause you a big headache. You knew you could continue at home, but things were too tense there for you to peacefully work at any space of the house.

"Here's your lemonade." "Thanks, Haewon." Your hand grabbed the lemonade, taking a quick sip, enjoying the flavor of sweet peppermint, but sour lemons.

"With Hanni and Isa we are going to a brand new restaurant that they opened last week. We heard that they have great caviar and side dishes. You should come with us, have a girl's night, get your mind free from work and from everything going on at home."

You thought about it, and it sounded really fun, but the least that you wanted was to go out and then remember that you had a lot of work to do.

"I would love to, but I have a lot of papers to check on, and I need to get everything ready for the next meeting. You know that I would go if I could." "Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll make sure that next time you are completely free so we can all be together."

You nodded, thanking her for being understanding.

By the end of the day, you drove your car towards your home, with eyes heavy and a tremendous nausea that was also brought to you with dizziness.

You pulled the car away from the road as you felt a curious vile rise up your throat wanting to escape your mouth.

The car door was flung open with desperation, your feet touched the grass as you felt the vile free itself out of your mouth and go straight into the natural floor.

You gagged as you felt how the remains of your food choked you. You felt as if the air was being cut out for you and that you would stop breathing at any moment.

As you finished, you let out a sharp breath and wiped your mouth with the end of your sleeve.

A few tears fell down your cheeks and blurred your view. The thought of sitting right beside your car became true, you let your legs rest on the ground and the back of your head felt the cold material of the vehicle.

It was such a weird feeling, you'd never thrown up before ever since you were eight years old. You started to analyze how your health had deteriorated a few weeks ago, you thought it was just a bug, or maybe it was just the huge amount of work that was causing problems on your body.

You kept on saying that you needed to rest and that you would do it, but that never happened and you always postponed it.

With the little strength that you had, you managed to get to your car and let your head fall against the driver seat. You felt a little bit relieved as you felt the nausea wave get out of your body.

It took you about fifteen minutes to take a turn back home. You drove back slowly, trying your best to prevent your stomach from getting upset.

When you reached home, you noticed that Jay's car wasn't there yet, which meant that he wasn't back home.

You felt your muscles relaxed as you felt the water coming from the shower fall into your shoulders. You got into a comfy pink sweater and a pair of shorts that made your skin fuzzy. And you combed your wet hair feeling a sudden pressure at the side of your head.

The fingertips of your hands applied some weight into your head trying to stop the possible migraine that was bothering your tired body.

You went through the night trying to distract yourself from the discomfort that you felt the whole day. Even let your phone ring a few times trying to call Jay, but he never actually answered.

You didn't feel that much appetite, so you avoided making dinner for yourself and just focused on your husband's.

But you waited for him to get home, and even though the time passed he still wasn't there with you. And that was maddening, because the only thing that you wanted was him to be there.

The clock was pointing at 11:46, and just by then Jongseong was arriving. The sound of the door closing woke you up, you had fallen asleep on the couch.

At least my headache's gone.

Jay noticed that the lights were on, he knew that you were waiting for him. He didn't want you to do that, you had enough at work and you needed to rest. At least, one of you had to be well-rested.

You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to draw the sleepiness away from your body. The numb feeling, soon running away from your limbs.

He reached the living room, the first thing he saw was your exhausted figure. Jay wondered why you were still awake… Did you wait for him?

"Hey, why are you still up?" Jay put his bag down beside one of the sofas.

Even the question was maddening. He was back at home so late and you waited for him even though you had been so distant.

"I was waiting for you to arrive."

Jay sighed with disappointment. "You shouldn't be waiting for me." He blurted out, which kind of confused you. "Why?"

He smirked in annoyance, he wasn't annoyed at you, or maybe he was.

Jay wanted you to admit that you loved him, just as much as you wanted him to do the same for you. He wanted to break the cycle of lies, he wanted to stop pretending that he didn't love you. Why did you both have to lie to each other?

Because it was so obvious that you couldn't tolerate it anymore.

"Y/N, why are you acting like you actually care about me?"

You furrowed your brows in confusion, also in annoyance… How could he say that? And why would he believe that?

Hadn't you shown how much you cared for him?! Wasn't all you had done for him enough?

You couldn't believe what he was saying.

"What are you saying? Have I actually not shown how much I care about you?!" You kept your voice at a normal level, you tried not to raise your voice, you tried your best to take the situation away from the worst. "Stop lying, Belle! We know that we are both liars in this situation!"

"And that's what maddens me, because we fake every single thing as if our marriage came out of a normal situation."

Your breath shrieked in despair, as your heart continued to crumble as if it was a piece of paper that you could ruin. Why are you doing this to me? That was the only thought that could go through your mind.

Tears threatened to escape your eyes, you looked to the side trying to prevent them from going any further.

Jay just stepped up closer to you, his own heart breaking as well, just as it was beating against his chest.

He was nervous...

He was scared.

All because he felt that things were falling apart.

"You said that you didn't want to get married to me if I didn't love you… But you are still here."

Jay's hand was placed on your chin, his whispers were enough to break you, to tear you apart in a million pieces.

"I asked you if you loved me… you said no, but you never asked if I loved you." You tried to hold in your sobs, but your shaky breaths betrayed you.

Something inside you was falling apart in rage. Where was all of this coming from?

Why was he telling you all of this? Why now?

"You've already proven me why I shouldn't have asked…" You spat your words in fury. "You are asking me if I actually care about you, but…"

"Have you ever actually cared about me?"

You grabbed his hand and slowly got it away from your chin. If you ever feared about being heartbroken, now you are more afraid about what would happen next instead of what would happen in the moment.

"Y/N." Just hearing your name slip out of his tongue shattered your heart into pieces. He was heartbroken as well, he was hurt and he was more than afraid, he was terrified.

He was disappointed with himself.

"Get your shit together, Jay."

The remainder of the night was tense, it was quiet and a little bit disturbing. Jay couldn't sleep, he knew that he'd messed up and he fully understood why you were mad at the moment.

He completely let himself go because of the hardship that he was feeling. Jay hated it, he despised that he knew that you loved him, but you wouldn't say, and he also despised the fact that he knew how much he loved you but he wouldn't say anything.

Was this how it was going to be forever?

Pretending that you didn't have feelings for the other just because you didn't want to get hurt. For some reason, that decision was the best that you could ever take, at least that's what you both thought.

Nobody will get hurt if something happens.

That's just bullshit!

As he wrecked his head with thoughts, you laid on the sofa, with a navy blue blanket covering your body. The least that you wanted was to sleep in the same bed as Jay, you didn't need that at the moment.

Throughout the night, you thought about your relationship with Jay. You've known each other ever since you were kids, and you love him with your whole heart, he made you feel things that you never thought that you could feel, the thought of marrying him was far from your mind, but when your families engaged you, something inside of you thought that you could make things work, you wanted a future with him, but at the same time you feared that loving him would break you at some point, all because it wasn't at your own will and it wasn't that you married at each other because of love.

The problem was, that if you kept up pretending you didn't love him, you would just hurt each other, and it was already happening.

You didn't notice at what time the morning came, your body shut down the moment that those thoughts hit your head. The sound of the air conditioner going off got to your senses, you pulled the blanket off your body, and your neck was stiffened from the uncomfortable position that you slept on.

The cold floor sent shivers down your spine as your feet made contact with the tiles, you got up, walking immediately towards the bathroom near the living room. You walked quickly trying your best to avoid Jay, but also trying your best to keep the vile that was rising up your throat.

You reached the bathroom, hitting your knees with the cold tiles as you threw up inside the bowl, something that you found impossible because your stomach was empty.

A huff escaped your mouth, you cleaned your lips with the back of your forearm, getting up with weak legs to walk towards the sink. A sudden but quick ring consumed your ears, and it left as fast as it came, your senses were altered, almost distressed.

You didn't understand a single thing of what was happening with your body, but your mind always came up with the same answer.

It's just stress, you thought, you brushed your teeth. Your limbs were wobbly, almost numb… But you still made your way to the kitchen after you finished washing your mouth.

The feeling that somebody was close to you, came in. Your heart leaped when you saw Jay in the kitchen, his almost tan skin came across your mind, he always had that scent every time he was close.

He always smelled elegant, luxurious, even mysterious sometimes.

It felt like a temptation being so close to him. And the way you sat on the counter chair was not helping, you bounced your barefoot leg as you looked at the material of the kitchen aisle, not wanting to look at him.

But still, you could feel the heat of his skin near you.

"Drink some water, you need to stay hydrated if you are losing fluids." He left a glass of water beside your arm, on the counter. You didn't even dare to look at him, but by the sound of the furniture moving, you could see what he was going to do. "Do you have a stomach bug or something? Have you gotten that chec-"

"I don't know why you're asking me this? I thought you didn't care." You raised your head to look at him, his sharp eyes looking into yours, making you want to look away.

"Y/N, I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You know that I do care about you." He said trying to get a hold of your arm, but you pulled away from him.

Deep down you knew that he did, he cared and he cared more than what he showed you, but you couldn't be like this anymore, continuing a lie that would only hurt the both of you.

"Something inside of me tells me that you do. But you are so distant, and we keep on lying to each other as if that is going to solve anything, and we both know that isn't doing anything anymore." Jay sat straight after hearing your words.

"Jay… I, Why do I keep feeling like this isn't working out?." Jay stood up from his seat, he was impressed with your words, words that he didn't want to hear. "W-What do you mean?"

"We are hurting each other and that's the least that I want, and I know you feel the same… But we are so blinded by each others' company that we haven't noticed that we truly aren't doing anything for our relationship, and that says a lot." "I thought that maybe we could make it work, but I feel like I'm in the wrong, here."

Were you saying that you wanted to be away from him? Was he truly hurting you that bad?

Jay's mind was completely wrecked, he clenched his jaw trying to keep away his tears, just as you… he wanted to make things work, because he truly did see a future by your side.

You were all he wanted.

He was all you wanted.

But if that was what you wished, then he wasn't going to say otherwise, because that's how much he loved you.

"Maybe you are right, maybe this isn't working out, because I really don't wanna hurt you and I know that you don't want to hurt me."

Your heart broke, because you truly weren't expecting him to agree with you, you wanted him to fight for you and finally tell you how much he loved you, but your mind knew that he was going to agree with you.

"Being together just feels wrong at this point."

"But what if we make it work out." He said hopeful. "I don't know, Jay."

Your heart hit your chest with intensity, you were still hoping that things would get better, but at that point it just felt something completely impossible.

To be clear, you had to continue with your day as if nothing happened, pretending that your relationship wasn't crumbling down and your heart wasn't shattered into a million pieces.

Heeseung kept looking at your saddened expression, knowing that you were down, and he kept an eye on you throughout the ride to the office.

He asked a few times if you were okay, but you always responded with a smile, repeating that you were fine.

Even Juni noticed your state, you felt numb and confused, if you truly loved someone how could you suggest such thing. Maybe it was because you simply couldn't tolerate the fact that you were being lied to.

In comparison to you, Jay was stressed. He didn't want things to go this way, you were everything that he dreamed of, and ever since he was a kid, he imagined a future with you. Yes, he was in a relationship with you, but it wasn't what he had always wished for.

He wanted to be one of the reasons you smiled, not one of the reasons why you hurt. Jay couldn't concentrate on his work, and he couldn't stop thinking about how hungry he was. Shit, he truly did miss your cooking!

You placed a foot on your doorstep and you felt the need to throw up, it was becoming a normal occurrence, it had happened twice at work, and that was the second time you did it at home ever since the morning.

The sink water was heavy for your stomach, but really cool and nice for your face, you washed it a few times, before finally heading out of the bathroom and getting into some comfier clothes.

It felt so nice when you got off your pleaded skirt and your white shirt, your tennis shoes were also a little bit tight, but you didn't pay that much attention to it.

Just when you were rising up your shorts, the bedroom door opened, revealing a tired Jay, trying to take off his tie. He turned his head to the right out of impression, feeling a little bit nervous .

Embarrassed, you quickly pulled your shorts up, lowering your head in a timid manner, before heading towards the door. "Sorry, I shouldn't even be ashamed, but this is very uncomfortable."

"Don't be sorry, I should've knocked." You brushed his fingers in reassurance. "None of us should be sorry, we've seen each other naked, anyways." You mentioned the last thing, in an attempt to make things better.

Jay looked in your way, just as you started to let go of your shyness. You noticed how his tie was hanging lower, and some of the buttons of his shirt were open, showing a little bit of his chest and the marks of his clavicles. He saw your black hair covering some parts of your arms, tank top that showed a slight part of your abdomen, and the cotton gray shorts that covered your thighs.

His skin looked beautiful with the dim warm light of your bedroom, and his fingers slightly brushed with your skin. You didn't notice that you were so close to him, how his gaze softened when he looked into your eyes and you noticed the little line at the middle of his lower lip, you always liked it, he had it since he was in high school.

Jay felt the blood rushed through his veins as he felt you closer to him. You could only think that if those were going to be the last days that you spent together as a "normal" couple, you should at least be able to feel his skin a few more times.

"Why do I keep feeling that this is wrong?" He murmured, as you got so close that you could feel his warmth breath. "At least, if I'm going to hurt while we are together, I wanna do it right." You whispered in his ear, looking at him once again. "I don't want you to hurt, Belle." His hand caressed your cheek, pretty fingers lingering on your skin. "But I want you to love my body, as if you just hurt me."

There had always been a difference between lust and love, even though you both didn't express the love for the other, you always felt a feeling of lust towards him, just like he did for you.

Maybe your relationship wasn't working out, but you felt a magnetic reaction towards him, something that made you look his way even if things were going wrong.

That was the lustful feeling that consumed your body.

"...At least just tonight, Jay." You whispered, knowing deep down that if you had sex with him that night, it would become a cycle until you finally came to a conclusion of what you wanted to do with your relationship. Your breath was hitched, as the air going through your lungs was heavy and slow. "You sure that's what you want?"

You felt his lips brush against your forehead, his palm making contact with your wrist.

"Yes."

His lips kissed your forehead, just for him to go down and focus on your neck, he gave tender kisses on that area of your skin, sometimes he sucked the points that he knew were sensitive.

You could only grab the ends of his hair as you felt those nice sensations, and how some of your senses started to blur a little.

Sometimes, your tummy felt butterflies flying around as he kept a hand on your neck, now paying full attention to the soft flesh of your lips, kissing them hard, leaving them red and kinda swollen.

You leaned on a wall, letting all of the feelings come to you, his kisses, how his hand was grabbing your neck, while the other kept itself on your waist.

Your tricky hands grabbed his tie, looking into his eyes knowing very well that his heart had just skipped a beat just like yours already did. You somehow undid his tie, throwing it to the side, and then proceeded to unbutton the rest of his shirt, leaving the top of his chest uncovered, his pretty skin glowing because of the beads of sweat.

"You are going to be the end of me, Belle." Jay whispered, kissing you once again, keeping his hand in your neck, as you placed yours on his shoulders, slowly taking his blazer off, letting it fall on the floor.

That night, you knew that this was going to be a common occurrence until one of you had to break off the relationship.

Because the morning after that, Jay offered to take you to your office, just for you to hook up in the car before he finally drove you off to your workplace.

When you arrived back home, you would both make out as if it was the last time that you would see the other.

You hurt most of the time, feeling that this was the most that you could have with, sexual intimacy just to compensate for the hurt that you felt, and the sadness that would consume you.

For the next few weeks, this was your new normal, you would both have a few words before you finally had intimacy. And clearly, to be honest, Jay's heart ached with sorrow, but also passion.

How was it that you could make your intimacy work, but not your relationship?

That's what he always wondered for the past few weeks.

A few days before your family reunion, you arrived home late, and you noticed that Jay was there already, his car parked on the sideway.

When you entered the house, you took off your shoes at the entrance. You brushed your hands with your skirt, because of how could it was outside, you threw up on your way back to your house, so the air had definitely affected a little bit of your body

Then, you heard it.

"I really don't want to get a divorce, but I feel like this isn't working out."

Jay wanted to say how much it hurt him that he could feel your body with every single touch, but not your heart.

"Y/N said she knew things weren't working out, and I know she's hurting because of me, and that's the opposite that I want for her."

"I want her to be happy and to not stick to a relationship that will only burn us down."

You didn't know what was worse, the fact that your relationship was now based on just sex, because you wanted a part of him to be with you, or was it the fact that Jay wanted you away from his life completely.

What hurt more was the fact that he mostly was doing it because of you, and you weren't going to beg for him to stay, because you knew that you needed to be apart.

"You want a divorce?"

Jay heard your fragile voice coming from the living room, he knew there was no turning back now.

He hung up the phone, surprised by you and your sorrowful expression.

"Y/N…"

"You don't have to say anything, I understand." You would be lying if you said that your heart wasn't shattered, and that there weren't tears slipping down your cheeks.

Until then, you would love your bodies, as if you had just hurt the other.

That's what you thought it would be.

Because you both just did.

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loveywon · 11 months

Text

♡𓂃 MEMORIES !

pairing: ex!sunghoon x gn!reader

wc: 3.5k+

synopsis: it’s hard to turn away a park sunghoon who looks like an abandoned puppy, waiting at your front door, when he is only supposed to be a memory that you wish to forget. ib memories by conan gray

warnings: umm angst haha…, ex’s to errr lovers maybe haha……., cursing, mentions of sunghoon being under the influence, maybe one suggestive joke?? i dont really know, reader is emotional but under good reason, sunghoon isn’t an asshole but he’s selfish, kinda fluff if it makes you feel better, not proofread of course

you’re starting to finally heal. you’re starting to build up your friendships again, becoming more stable in your job, and your relationship with your parents are starting to become healthy! so why are you opening the door, three in the morning, to an obviously drunk and high sunghoon?

you know better than to open the door. you blocked his number, blocked him on every single social media platform you could think of, and cut off all mutual friends you two shared. the sight, the mere thought of anything that could possibly remind you of park sunghoon, makes you want to hurl. you don’t want to be reminded of him, and you were doing exceptionally well. until now, where your shaky hand is reaching for the door knob, well knowing that sunghoon is outside your door. your hand finally meets the door knob, but you don’t turn it. you can’t. you shouldn’t. you bite back a pathetic laugh, your head hanging down in disappointment for yourself. you’re stronger than this, you’re a smart person. but park sunghoon makes you stupid. stupidly in love.

sunghoon can feel your presence on the other side of the door. his forehead meets with the hardwood of your door. the thud breaks you out of your thoughts, a loud and exasperated sigh leaving your lips. you really can’t deal with this, but when you take a small peek through your peephole, you think he looks like a stray wet dog with no owner, just looking for some shelter. you’ve been sunghoon’s shelter long enough, you think, so what’s one more night?

you scoff to yourself, and sunghoon hears it. he plants a hand on your door, softly patting it in his drunken state. “y/n…” he lazily drags out your name. you’ve worked so hard to move on. and you have finally found peace with yourself. are you really about to ruin all your progress? you suppose so when you finally crack open the door. you don’t dare to look at him. you haven’t seen his face, you haven’t even heard his name in months. you really hate yourself for opening the door, but you hate sunghoon even more when you look up to see a sleazy smirk resting on his ridiculously attractive face. you don’t say a word. you grab his wrist, (harshly) pulling him inside your apartment before slamming the door shut. “sit,” you gesture over to the couch. you have a spare room, and sure, you can offer him the room to sleep in for the night. but you’re petty and bitter, so you think he deserves to have back pain when he wakes up the next morning.

sunghoon trudges to your couch, flopping onto it as he did a few months ago. it feels weird to see him in your home, and it’s the same weird feeling when you wouldn’t see your home. you purse your lips as sunghoon rolls around on your loveseat but he abruptly sits up, looking at you dead in the eye. “did you change your couch?” he asks, as if changing the couch offended him (it did). he literally cannot be serious, and judging by the way he looked at you, he was, and it pissed you off even more. you scoff again, shaking your head in disbelief as you walk over to your kitchen. as you pour him a glass of water, you feel sunghoon’s eyes following your every move. “why did you change your couch?” he presses again, but you ignore him again.

he rolls his eyes when you don’t answer him, and for a moment you forgot that he doesn’t like not having answers. “y/n, answer me. why’d you change it?” he’s more firm on his question now, and you almost want to chuck the glass cup filled with water at him. you walk over to him, handing him the glass of water but his eyes only stay on your face, awaiting for your answer. you sigh dramatically, “i swear to god, just drink the water, or i will not hesitate to dump you outside again.” you’re just as firm as him, and you swear you saw his eyebrow twitch in agitation but he takes the glass anyway, downing it in one drink. setting the glass on your coffee table, his eyes harden once more and you already know he’s going to ask you again. he’ll ask and ask until he gets an answer. “y/n–” he starts again, and you feel queasy from hearing his voice. you stand up, turning your back on him. “shut up. i changed it because it didn’t match my apartment furniture. that’s all,” you finally answer him, but both of you know that it is far from the real reason why you changed your couch.

sunghoon spent too much time on the old couch, and seeing it every time in the center of your apartment made you sick to the stomach, so you changed it. now, you think, you’ll have to change it again after seeing him on your new couch. he slowly lays back down on your couch, but his head is slightly tilted up as he keeps his eyes on you. “well i think your old couch matched your apartment just fine. i guess i’m just sad that all our memories on that couch are gone now,” he shrugs lightly, speaking casually as if you two didn’t have the nastiest breakups in the history of breakups. you have to bite the inside of your cheek so you don’t lash out on him (even though he deserves it), but you lose your cool when he sits back up and you feel his presence behind you. he takes your hand in his which makes you sharply slap his hand away.

he has to be playing some sick joke, you think. the fact that he has the guts to even mention the past makes you want to run to the bathroom and throw up. “i think that’s the point. you’re supposed to stay a memory, so you should actually just leave because you seem to have sobered up,” you say through gritted teeth, but you know well enough he actually isn’t totally sober yet as his eyes droop occasionally and he stumbles on his feet a bit even if he is just standing still. and unfortunately, sunghoon knows that you’re not a cruel human being so you won’t kick him out when he is still under the influence.

“i don’t wanna leave. i want to stay here forever,” he whines as he flops back onto the couch like a child. if you two were still together, you would’ve thought it was cute, but you don’t now, and you want him out of your apartment as soon as possible. “well you’re not staying here forever. you’re lucky i am a decent human being, but you better be gone when i wake up tomorrow,” you grumble as you fold your arms across your chest, “please sober up more. i don’t want to smell throw up in the morning and even if you do, you’re cleaning it up or else i will haunt you for the rest of your life,” you threaten, and sunghoon merely gives you a weak grin, looking as if he’s about to fall asleep during your mid-rant.

“you already haunt my mind every day,” the boy mumbles, but you heard what he said, and it’s enough for you to click your tongue and leave him in your living room with no pillows or blankets. you loudly shut your bedroom door for him to hear that you do not want to be bothered before making yourself comfy on the bed. a peaceful fifteen minutes pass, and you’re close to dozing off to a slumber when you hear your door knob click open, followed by heavy footsteps that you recognize all too well. you don’t need to open your eyes to know it’s sunghoon, so you pretend that you’ve already fallen asleep in hopes of him giving up and leaving.

but you know sunghoon better than that, and you know that he’s incredibly hard headed and is a company type of guy. he’s always had trouble sleeping if you weren’t next to him in bed, and at the very least if you were apart then he’d facetime you. he would always find a way to be with you before he sleeps, and you suppose he hasn’t broken his habit yet when you feel the corner of your mattress dip slightly. you peek an eye open as subtly as you can, seeing a messy brown head of hair facing you with the rest of his body sat on the floor at an uncomfortable angle. you shut your eyes tightly once more as if the more force you put into your eyes squeezed shut would make him disappear.

you hear a loud, exasperated sigh come from him, and you still don’t budge. you then feel his head shake a little, then a quiet and choked sob leave his lips. you bite on your lower lip to suppress any noise, trying to maintain your even breathing. a part of you feels bad; you didn’t know he was this affected, especially when he was the one who broke up with you. you then give yourself a mental slap for ever feeling bad for the man who stomped on your heart. he is clearly still not in the right state of mind and is just feeling emotional, you think, but you still let him stay beside you. you argue in your mind that, as long as he’s gone when you wake up, you can return to your normal routine and pretend he never existed in your life.

if only that’s what really happened.

your eyes shoot open at loud clanking from your kitchen area, mind almost immediately going into panic mode until you remember sunghoon from last night. you groan audibly, hopefully loud enough for him to hear but your bedroom door is shut still. you turn over to your side, seeing a lost strand of brown hair that had to belong to sunghoon. you grimace, swiping it off your bed sheets as if it was a spider before rolling out of bed. angrily stomping to your kitchen where you see sunghoon messing with your kitchen pots, you lean against the wall until he decides to acknowledge your appearance.

“oh, good morning y/n. did you sleep well?” he asks as he struggles with cracking an egg into the pan. you roll your eyes before walking over, only to shove him to the side and take the egg out of his hand. “could have been better if someone didn’t decide to sneak into my room,” you mutter in absolute despise as you crack the egg with ease into the pan. he chuckles awkwardly as he watches you from behind.

“this kinda brings back memories, no?” he says casually, and you immediately look over your shoulder with venomous eyes that makes sunghoon purse his lips into a tight line. “you are supposed to be gone,” you only say in return and you get a shrug as a response from the boy. you wonder how you even dealt with him when you two were together, but you don’t remember him being this insufferable before.

“didn’t feel like it,” he grins, canines peeking proudly that you can see from the corner of your eye when he tries to get you to look at him. despite your disliking of his pestering habits, you can’t help but recall when the two of you used to cook breakfast together (it was more you than him). fighting off a smile that dared to appear on your face, you roll your eyes before putting the cooked eggs onto a plate and shoving it into his chest. “eat, and then leave. that will also be two dollars for the eggs. inflation is crazy these days,” you mutter, sighing as you run a hand exasperatedly through your hair and walking over lazily to the couch.

“oh, is this your excuse for me to contact you again. i knew you wanted me back, y/n,” he sighs happily, ever so touched by your words even if he did it in a dramatic manner. he took a bite of your cooked eggs, and he almost wants to physically melt. no one has ever made eggs for him like you do, even if you just sprinkle some salt and pepper. it’s not the same if it’s not you, he thinks.

sunghoon happily plops down next to your slumped figure on the couch, enjoying his eggs as if it was a normal sunday morning. you wish it could be a normal sunday morning, if only he didn’t absolutely spit on your heart and stomped on it after. “no. and get away from me. i literally do not want to see you any more. just please, leave,” you say almost desperately as sunghoon swallows his last bite of your eggs. a frown makes its way onto his lips when you move away from him, pressing your side against the armrest of the couch. “y/n,” he starts but you squeeze your eyes shut when his voice reaches your ears.

“no! no, just get out of my life, sunghoon. seriously, i mean it. you can’t just come back into my life like nothing happened and be all boyfriend again like this. it’s been months, get over it!” you snap at him, head turning to shoot a glare at him but his eyes are wide and his brows are furrowed as if he’s confused, but he really has no reason to be confused and it only makes you even more mad.

he looks like a lost puppy, you think, but you can’t let yourself fall for it again. no, you refuse to. you were already weak earlier, but you can’t be caught slipping anymore. you snag the plate off of his lap, giving him a sharp glare before stomping off into the kitchen and furiously scrubbing soap on the plate that wasn’t even that dirty to begin with. the water that spills out of the faucet is loud, and you don’t even notice a few tears have fallen from your eyes until sunghoon swipes your cheek.

you drop the plate into the sink, resulting in a loud clank but neither of you flinch at the sound when you’re swatting his hand away from you, wiping harshly at your cheeks to dry your face but it’s no use when the tears keep leaving your eyes. “please don’t cry, it hurts me to see you like this, y/n,” sunghoon whispers quietly as he stares at your tearful face that he pities so much.

you scoff, but then you break into a laugh. you know he probably thinks you’re a maniac for suddenly laughing, but his words put you in so much shock that it’s unbelievable you actually wanted to marry him one day. “it hurts you…” you mumble underneath your breath, and sunghoon barely catches what you say. “what–” he asks, confused, but is cut off when you let out another breathless laugh. “oh, you’re actually sick. you are so, so sick, park sunghoon,” you say so blankly as your eyes bore into his, and sunghoon almost falters back at your sudden change of attitude.

“i don’t–” he sputters out, in a rush to try and stop you but you feel like you’ve gone delirious. and it’s all because of sunghoon. stupid sunghoon and his stupid, stupid face that makes you want to kneel down and apologize for what is about to spill from your lips.

you look away for a split second, as if your mind was subconsciously thinking twice but you’re off the rails, too angry to even stop the finger that jabs at his shoulder roughly. “we broke up for a reason. what was it that you used to say…?” you feign ponder, “oh! the past is in the past, so we should move on from it, right? you, are the past. you are just a memory that i can forget! and i’ve already moved on, so why are you still in my fucking apartment?” you spit out, finger constantly jabbing at his shoulder blade while he sits on the couch, jaw slightly agape and brows furrowed.

“you moved on? to who?” he asks, almost like he’s angry but he has absolutely no right to be angry. and it only makes you even more furious that you ‘moving on’-- which was an absolute lie– was the only part that he focused on. your finger that is lingering still on his shoulder blade is taken off by sunghoon, his hand wrapped around your wrist as he pulls you closer to him.

you’re taken off guard, eyes widening a bit from his sudden action. “answer me,” his brows furrow even more, but his face isn’t angry anymore. he’s pleading, you realize. it really bothered him so much that you moved on. so you laugh in his face again. you laugh hard, so hard that you lose your balance from where you’re standing with sunghoon’s leg in between yours. you fall forwards, forehead meeting his shoulder as you continue to laugh.

you calm down, short breaths leaving your lips as sunghoon’s grip slowly releases your wrist. then, you pound his chest. it’s definitely not enough to hurt him, so you think that repeating it will at least do some damage. he only sits there and takes it. “you’re so pathetic, park,” you whisper into his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut when your fist stops hitting his chest.

“i’m only pathetic because you make me desperate,” he responds so casually, like it’s a normal everyday thing to say to an ex. he sits still, even with your whole body leaned against him and your legs tangled up with his. “hug me,” you mumble, the fist on his chest now squeezing his shirt tightly. he hesitates for a moment, but he could never ever say no to you, so he wraps his arms around you. “i’m not going to disappear out of thin air, you don’t have to hold onto me that tight,” he tries a joke, but then your body starts shaking and you’re crying once again.

“oh, oh god. i’m so sorry, i didn’t think it was that bad of a joke, please don’t cry,” he pleads, rubbing your back soothingly as you rub your eyes against his shirt fabric on his shoulder. he’s got more to worry about than a tear-stained shirt. “you are really so fucking stupid, i think my head is starting to hurt,” you mutter out through gritted teeth because you really can’t believe you’re letting him hold you like this again, when just a few months ago you were hugging yourself in your bedroom alone, crying hysterically because you missed his hugs.

he clicks his tongue, “it’s only hurting so much because you can’t stop thinking about kissing me,” he tries for another joke, again, and you really stop crying and stare at him blankly again. “you are only supposed to be a memory,” you mumble out again, and his face turns into confusion. “but–” he wants to fight for you, but you don’t let him.

“i can’t hold you back from finding your real lover,” you frown, eyes still watery from tears that are building up once again, “and you can’t hold me back either. you already know how this is going to end, don’t you, sunghoon? i don’t think i can deal with the aftermath, again,” you whisper almost desperately to try to get him to understand but he only shakes his head. “so you’re saying you don’t want me in your life?”

you bite your bottom lip, brows scrunching as you look away from him. “being your friend or your lover will hurt in the end. i can’t do it,” you reply, voice shaky as more tears threaten to spill out of your eyes and you swear, when you spare him a glance, his eyes are also glossy.

he frowns deeply, opting to say nothing because maybe, just maybe, you’ll let him stay a little longer and relish your warmth against him before he’s forced to grab his things that he’s left for you in your apartment and leave, for good. he brings you in closer again in his embrace, and you think you will also relish in this moment again before you repeat the healing process over again when he leaves.

you hate every part about park sunghoon, with the way his cologne still lingers on your shirts no matter how much you wash it, and the way almost every piece of furniture in your own apartment reminds you of him that you had to change your couch so that he would stop sticking to you like glue. but you always know that no matter how pathetic you think he is, you are too, if not more, pathetic than him.

#enhanet #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen oneshots #enhypen drabbles #enhypen x reader #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon fanfic #sunghoon oneshots #sunghoon drabbles #enhypen fanfic #enhypen imagines #sunghoon imagines #enhypen scenarios #loveywonenha #enhypen x y/n #park sunghoon #enhypen #sunghoon

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freshylemonade · 3 months

Text

Luke with a 'Older sibling' figure depending of where he met them

In Camp Half-Blood...

• He was the new kid and you were the one to make the tour to him

• After all the things that happened he just wanted Annabeth to be safe, and the memory of Thalia to be forever in their hearts

• While you were doing the tour he just zoned out, the things his mom suffered, the things he suffered, all because of that greddy Gods

• After the tour you got to him and you two talked across the strawberry field

• You were one of the oldest at the camp at the time, and also the sword fighting teacher at camp

• After he got there you had chosen him and Annabeth for your team in Capture the Flag, wich he was gratefull, the kids from the other team kinda freaked him out

• And you protected him and Annie all the game and with that he got the flag

• You did a little party afterwards with your team, including them

• After that Luke became more relaxed with you,

• And some weeks later you started teaching him and doing spars, you also helped Annie a bit with her fighting skills

• When Luke was feeling sad you would come with some plate of cookies and watch one of Chiron old dvd's

• It wasn't perfect but Luke loved it

• You three would climb the lava wall and see who got first, Annabeth always writing the results, wich you always won

• After some years, you had to go to college, but of course you would still visit

• Luke, Annabeth and you would have a sleepover and talk about random things

• In the past few months Luke suprassed you, and you couldn't be happier, he was like your little brother and across the years he and Annabeth became comfortable to call you they're sibling

• You did go to college and visited one time every month

• And you couldn't hide your suprise when an forbidden kid (a Poseidon one) got to camp and Luke was teaching him and making him comfortable

• You got a lot of flashbacks and Luke presented you to Percy, Annabeth didn't seem to like him very much and talked to you how stupid he was, you just nodded in agreement to bot make her mad

• In your next visit the surroundings weren't happy like the last one

• Luke betrayed the camp

• You couldn't believe it

• 'I should had talked to him more...' You always thought

• After the news you were like Annie, always trying to believe that there was still good on him and at the same time helping Percy, who reminded you so much of Luke...

• In the big battle you had put an sabatic year in college to fight against Kronos

• The boy you protected, your little brother was right in front of you...

• "So this is your 'older sibling'." Luke said, but it didn't sound like Luke, it was Kronos.

• After Luke's death you were on Annabeth and Thalia side always

• "He wasn't the Son of Hermes, not the hero of Olympus just our brother Luke." You always said to them.

In Kronos army...

• Luke was new with that whole traitor and being with Kronos thing

• You were one of the people who explained it to him

• Your despise for the Gods made Luke like you

• And you were kind to him

• You planned battle strategies together when the two of you could (sometimes Ethan came along)

• And you talked about your life

• You learned about his family situation and your anger for the Gods suprassed limits

• You also learned about Thalia, the daughter of Zeus and her noble sacrifice and the daughter of Athena, Annabeth

• You would also train the new recruits together

• Luke didn't admit it but without the camp you were the closest thing of a family he ever had

• When Luke learned that Thalia survived you hugged hugged him as he cried

• You were also a judge to when Luke and Ethan had spars

• In your minds Kronos plan was perfect: a new world where everyone can be happy without that damn Gods and just in general happiness

• Of course every plan had flaws

• And you learned it the hard way and it caused your everything

• You didn't know Kronos plan of using Luke's body as a hostage

• When you knew you tried everything to make Kronos change his mind

• 'You had some vote on the subject', was what you thought

• Well you thought wrong, not even being one of Kronos reliable followers and great warrior granted you an opinion in the matter

• You told Luke about the matter

• He became suprised but said: 'I'll do anything, if it means the Gods will know how much we demigods suffered.'

• 'What?' You thought at the time

• You tried to make him run away with you

• He was suprised again

• "The reason we are doing this isn't important if we are not alive to see the new world Luke." You said

• Luke thought about it and accepted to run away

• But they caught the two of you.

• "Traitors!"

• They made a fatal blow on you and chained Luke

• They took him to Kronos (problaly to start the possession)

• "No!" You cried to them.

• But it didn't matter, they made another blow and you closed your eyes almost a minute after

• "I'm sorry..." You whispered before closing your eyes, you hoped you atleast could meet Luke in the Underworld, likely not but a person could just hope...

#luke castellan x reader #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians x reader #pjo x reader #platonic pjo please!!#spotify #percy jackson x reader #luke castellan #luke x reader #gn reader

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wolfstaridiot08 · 1 month

Text

Feel like this needs to be done, so ALL of Conan Gray songs as marauders and co relationships (includes girls, and Slytherin Skittles, and black sisters)

Killing me - Remus to Sirius (the prank)

Lonely Dancers - Mary and Marlene (hear me out, they are dating Sirius and Remus and Sirius and Remus are clearly hitting it off in the corner drunk so they both sit there sipping their drink, and catch each other's eye and it's like "well, might as well" no real feelings but a nice one night thing)

Alley Rose - jegulus (Regulus worried James will lose him and then actually losing him)

Winner - Sirius to Walburga

Never Ending Song - A Potter and Pureblood Slytherin (Jegulus, Drarry, Scorbus)

Memories - 3rd book Remus to Sirius

The Exit - Regulus to Sirius (imagine everytime the lyrics say girl, it's James)

Movies - Regulus to Barty (the ex is Evan)

People Watching - Peter (couple in beginning is Jily)

Disaster - Wolfstar

Best Friend - Platonic moonflower (it sounds like prongsfoot, but if you really listen closely it's not)

Astronomy - Nobleflower (it may sound like a Jegulus song but they have one like "socially speaking we were the same, with run away fathers and mothers who drank" that makes it Nobleflower not Jegulus, they're really similar if you think about it)

Yours - James before Lily noticed him

Jigsaw - Bellatrix to everyone (Rita, Voldemort, Her parents, etc;)

Family Line - Andromeda

Summer Child - James

Footnote - Unrequited Marylene

Telepath - Rosekiller

Overdrive - Pandalily

Heather - Regulus to James (Heather is Lily)

Maniac - Quillkiller

The Story - Sirius to Harry (boy and girl is Jily, boy and boy is Wolfstar, me and my friend, Regulus and Sirius)

Wish You Were Sober - Marylily

Comfort Crowd - Platonic moonwater

Online Love - Remus and Grant

Checkmate - Mary to Sirius

The Cut That Always Bleeds - Evan to Barty

Flight or Fight - Sirius arriving after Azkaban to realize Remus has moved on with Grant (this was really hard)

Affluenza - Evan (just listen it's him)

(Can We Be Friends?) - Sirius and James meeting each other for the first time

Little League - The Marauders and co graduating Hogwarts and joining the war (I imagine it's mainly James, Regulus or Remus who are singing) (also the lyric "where did all my friends go" just screams marauders)

The King - Remus to Sirius

The Other Side - Tedromeda (other side is away from the Black family)

Idle Town - The peace of Gryffindor tower

Generation Why - Platonic moonwater (They would totally run away and just do shit or cause trouble) (obviously not millennials but they didn't even exist at that point so 🤷‍♀️)

Crush Culture - Peter (my aroace boy)

Greek God - Mary (Gossip Queen and Casanova of Gryffindor tower)

Lookalike - Sorry for this but Regulus to Sirius about James (other options; Regulus to James about Lily, Sirius to Remus about Grant, Pandora to Lily about Mary, or Lily to Pandora about Xeno)

Grow - The black brothers making it out of the family ("we made it out, it seems, I made it out, it seems")

Fake - James and Lily to Snape (when they say breakup it would be about a friendship breakup)

#marauders #rosekiller #jegulus #jily #wolfstar #quillkiller #tedromeda #nobleflower #black family #slytherin skittles #conan gray #marauders girls #marylily #dorlene #did i forget anything

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yoimix · 1 year

Text

genshin men + mutual pining

ft. childe, ayato

playlist. disaster - conan gray ; accidentally in love - counting crows ; love, or the lack thereof - isaac dunbar

note. this has been rotting in my drafts for too long i’m sorry anon :((

[ requested by anon! ; cw: suggestive, alcohol ]

✽ childe thinks of you far too highly to try his usual tactics. he’s known you for more than half his life now, and best friends aren’t exactly cutting it for him. you’re not children in snezhnaya anymore, holding a wedding ceremony for your snowmen or getting yelled at by your mothers to hold hands after a big fight. there are graver stakes now. and people change. when you disagree, childe can’t just laugh it off obnoxiously to see you steam from the ears. when you have a serious fight, he can’t just hold your hand and say sorry till you agree to talk to him. no, he’d get a glare and if he’s lucky, a punch to the gut instead. maybe you’ll even tell him to piss off. you give him no hint of affection, and he’s starving for it. despite the warmth of your skin, your gaze is cold and it sends him into overdrive. perhaps you too believe that romance is forbidden for vassals of the tsaritsa. or maybe he’s plain mistaken, and you’re not his after all. even so, you make his heart pump blood all the way to his fingertips, sparking with electricity. the rush is unmatched when you smile at him. the confession is overdue. spilling it with alcohol on his lips, however, was not his ideal plan.

“(name),” childe slurs, a blissful smile on his face. “just please look at me. oh my, you’re so pretty.”

“ugh, tsaritsa guide me. the stench of alcohol.” you pinch the bridge of your nose. “just because the wine was free didn’t mean you had to glug fifteen glasses of them! what will the qixing think?!”

“that i’m the pride of snezhnaya?” he laughs loudly. “okay, okay, don’t get mad at me. but did you see? i outdrank all of those old fools! ugh, the little lady seemed unimpressed but that hardly matters. who did she think she was anyway? the yuheng?”

“she was.”

“oh.”

he pauses to blink slowly, before turning to you with a boyish grin. it’s horrifying how it makes your heart flutter, and you might as well plunge into the chasm before you admit that. the rain outside the hotel gets louder, and you just want this night to be over with. when morning comes, you can pretend childe didn’t make it look like you’re on a honeymoon to the entire city of liyue and half your subordinates.

“well, at least the crowd loved me.”

“and you’re going to be throwing up all night,” you huff, pulling him up by his shirt before he leans too far and faceplants onto the ground. instead, he takes it as an invitation to wrap his arms around you, resting his chin on your shoulder. you’re not sure when, in the transition to adulthood, it started bothering you. he’s the last person you should be thinking about like that.

“ah, i love it when you hold me,” he grins with the glee of a kid watching fireworks. “this is so much more comfortable than my coat. how do you always have warm hands?”

“and how do you always manage to embarrass me in the most ridiculous ways?”

he furrows his brows, plush pink lips forming into a pout. “what did i do?”

“what, pretend to profess your love to me in public and crash a dinner party? i get that everyone was drunk and saying stupid shit but you didn’t have to rope me into it!”

“please, it was hardly a serious matter.” he waves his hand dismissively. “a little coworker outing, if you will. it’s a coincidence some qixing officials were having a dinner party.”

“it got so loud we were kicked out of the restaurant.” you might as well be steaming from the ears now. “what do you think the qixing will do if they see snezhnayan diplomats making trouble in liyue? you’re lucky i talked it out with the yuheng but goodness, you made us- you made us look so silly!”

you say it with so much distaste, childe flinches. the blood rushes to your face at the memory of him clinging to you the whole time you tried to explain to keqing that snezhnaya is in fact not up to weird schemes or trying to drown the harbor.

“aww, you had fun too. you were all cute and flustered talking to the qixing girl.”

“that’s because you made us look like a couple, stupid!”

“what’s so bad about that?” he asks quietly.

“oh my god, they think we’re dating.”

“we could be,” he responds softly, a longing sigh following.

you turn to look at his face, flustered. you can feel his breath against your cheek, his ocean eyes trained on your own. when did he lean so close?

“you’re drunk,” you state bluntly.

“but the truth is...” he pauses to giggle. “...is still that i love you.”

you gulp. “liar.”

he lets out a dry chuckle, running the pad of his thumb over your lower lip. “don’t say that. i’ll just keep falling.”

“stop it, ajax.” a pang of hurt shoots through your chest, a wistful weed blooming between your ribs. he only wants you when he’s drunk, does he? you should’ve expected no better from mr casual himself.

“i know you think you’re smooth, but you’re taking it too far now.” you take a deep breath, trying not to get too upset. he’s just drunk.

“how far do you think i can take it?” he breathes over your skin, leaned far enough to kiss you if he wanted to, if you wanted to. the flush of his cheeks rivals his oh-so-pink lips, but it’s the vulnerability in his eyes that throws you off. you always thought they were starry like the reflection of the night sky over the ocean. the others, however, describe stormy seas, with no guiding light for miles.

the consequences to mistaking his feelings is just too catastrophic for you to bear.

“(name), stop.” he comes to a halt abruptly, twisting his wrist from your grip to grab yours instead. you’re suddenly pulled into his chest, a surprised yelp leaving your mouth.

“let’s go home, ajax,” you press, impatient. you didn’t mean to say that, especially when it doesn’t make sense so far from home. you’re just used to saying that when he’s being difficult.

“i am home.” he frowns, gloved hands holding onto both of your wrists. his eyes are pleading, but for what you don’t know. “and did you miss my entire i love you speech or did i imagine saying that?”

“you’re drunk out of your mind and just saying—”

“i’m not. i’ll say it to you in the morning, i’ll say to you tomorrow and the day after and i’ll keep saying it till you just look at me.”

you finally meet his eyes—the intense azure you’ve known all your life begging for you to see him the way he does you. there were better ways to go about this. what did you expect from this walking disaster?

you hold his face between your thumb and forefinger, his cheeks puffing up. he looks too adorable and it’s pissing you off. before you can have any second thoughts, you quickly press your lips against his in a featherlight kiss. pulling back, you can only hold it in for two seconds before the expression on his face makes you burst into laughter.

“do that again,” he mumbles, a dazed smile on his face.

you grant him a quick kiss.

“again.”

kiss.

“and again.”

“you used to say three is the lucky number.”

he pouts. why did you have to fall in love with this manchild?

sighing, you grant him one final kiss, a satisfied sigh parting from his lips. “happy now? it’s time to go to bed, ajax.”

“woah, (name), is that why you wouldn’t kiss me? because you had other plans in the bedroo—”

“no. you’re going straight to sleep.”

he hums, smiling. “i love you.”

“mhm. i can tolerate you.”

“hey.”

“i love you too.”

✽ ayato’s self-restraint is the bane of your existence. he will look at you with his sharp lilac gaze, glance at your lips even, but he will do nothing more than a light touch to your hand or a flick to your forehead on certain occasions. it’s as though he’s aware of the rapid beating of your heart—but he refuses to be anything more than a tease. lately, he’s taken to leaning in closer than before when he pretends to not hear you during your evening walks. is he not aware you can feel his breath? and sometimes, he will place his hand on the small of your back to guide you. does he not know his touches light your skin on fire? honest to god, you hate him beyond measure at this point. when young love grows old, it’s only natural to harbor resentment too. you resent that teasing smile, you resent those playful eyes, you resent the mole by his lips you want to kiss so bad. and just like that, your heart is another piece he’s captured in this game of chess. in a way, though, you understand his roundabout ways of doing things. a man in his position ought to behave. for instance, right now, he shouldn’t be taking your hand outside a social gathering of inazuman elites, and running away like a schoolboy skipping class.

“are you sure you can do this?!” you huff, trying to keep up with ayato. there’s an idle sense of joy to his pace, his posture still elegant.

you, on the other hand, look like you just survived a dumpster fire. disheveled from the running, you finally catch a break once he stops by the torii gates of chinju forest.

“well, wasn’t that fun?” he asks, a smug smile on his face. “archons, the blabbering these men do. half a night and all i heard were complaints about their wives and their boring, unambitious ideas for inazuma.”

you whistle. “i never know how you handle your meetings. each one sounds worse than the last.”

“yes, but i can’t brute force my job like some people do.” he gives you a pointed look.

you glare at him. “well, some occupations don’t require being a crafty, meddling rascal. you wouldn’t know.”

“i like that about you,” he says, quieter. his gaze is soft, like a field of blooming hyacinths. it catches you off guard.

“w-well- i- uh i- i have a lot more likeable traits than you give me credit for,” you defend, unable to return his gaze.

“so do i,” he responds, a sly smile playing on his lips. “a lot more than you give me credit for.”

“i never said i didn’t,” you mumble in defeat.

a firefly beelines for ayato’s shoulder but he gives no care towards it. instead he finally takes out the cup of boba tea from the little bag you’ve been carrying. the proximity of his face when he reaches, however, makes you hold your breath longer than intended. it’s so unfair that he’s this pretty. he smiles when he meets your gaze, taking out the other cup for you.

“you’re so easy to talk to, (name),” he sighs. there goes your poor heart.

you hum, tearing your eyes away from him. you’re hardly thinking as you blabber on. “you- you too. i... i don’t say this often but you... you’re a good person, ayato. i wish i could be with you forever.”

realizing what you said within the next fraction of a second, you straighten up, eyes widened in panic. it’s not the first time you’ve been reduced to a stuttering mess in front of the yashiro commissioner. curse your reckless tongue.

“forever?”

“i- i mean, i want to fall for a guy like you someday,” you laugh awkwardly, smacking his arm. what on teyvat are you saying? you have fallen for a guy like him and it is him.

ayato presses his lips into a thin smile, eye twitching in annoyance.

“wh-what i mean is, it- it would be nice to be with someone like you,” you try to save and miserably fail.

you might as well get a shovel and start digging your grave right here in the forest. maybe the tanuki will dance over your dead body for entertainment. anything to get out of this situation that you, all by yourself, got into.

slender fingers wrap around your wrist, pulling you closer to the source of your misery.

“boba?”

ayato looks at you expectantly, pressing the straw to your lips.

you nod, fighting the heat growing on your face. he’s too pretty.

“you know, i like it when you say these things to me.”

he’s always been a rude rascal. his smile is cheeky, yet it relieves of you any uncomfortable thoughts like rain on a hot summer day. i want to protect that smile, you thought to yourself once. it’s so rare to see him like this, as just ayato—your friend ayato who taught you to play (and lose) shogi, who gave you his best onikabuto whenever you sulked about yours, who smiled knowingly while you screeched about his awful cooking and showed him the directions again. how many afternoons had you spent with him till he was lost to the rhythm of life? if there really is a god to hear you, you’d pray for ayato to smile like this all the time.

“what do you mean?” you ask softly.

“you said once,” he muses, “that you want me to find someone who likes me for me.”

“i did?” you clear your throat. “i mean, i’d like that too. i- like- isn’t that what everyone wants? to be with someone who likes them as a person?”

“i like you as a person.”

you breathe in too hard, the tapioca pearls caught in your throat as a result. an ugly cough follows till ayato’s patting your back in a concerned motion. you finally spit out the boba, which unfortunately lands in a bush nearby, spooking some foxes.

“oh.” he looks like he’s holding in a laugh. “come now, this is no place to litter.”

“shut up.” you glare at him. “if you didn’t say things so suddenly—erm.”

you’re not sure how to explain yourself. his statement could be taken the wrong way, and you don’t want to be the first one to reveal yourself. if this is a game of shogi after all, you intend to win at least one against him.

“hm? is that what gets you so flustered? a few words from me?”

“you wish,” you huff.

you feel his warm chuckle against your ear, and the warmth spreads down your neck. you turn to face him, feeling a bit stupid for reacting this way.

“what is it you want to say to me? hm? be honest, now. we're far past playing games, aren't we?"

"i don't know what you're talking about." you feign ignorance, hiding behind your fan.

you take a deep breath, hoping his presence will help you calm yourself. he's such a handful and you know it, but he also makes you feel so alive.

"oh? we can keep playing this game then," he hums, smiling. "you haven't won once against me, you know?"

"th-there's been several times i've beaten you in shogi," you huff.

"by cheating."

"i never cheat!"

“that smile is foul play,” he whispers. there’s barely a gap between your lips and ayato looks like he might just close it.

you feel panic rising. quickly, you press your palm to his mouth, effectively stunning him. it’s honestly cute to see him make this expression.

“we’re friends!” you blurt. “r-right? but god, there are things we can’t do when we’re just friends and you- you just keep testing my patience, ayato!”

a muffled response follows. you take a deep breath and remove your hand.

“it’s like you were going to kiss me,” you complain quietly, embarrassed.

he blinks monotonously. “but i did want to kiss you.”

your face heats up at an alarming rate. “huh? are you supposed to say that out loud?!”

“how else am i supposed to know?”

“know what?”

“if you want to kiss me or not.”

“i always want to kiss y—”

you clasp your hands over your mouth, embarrassed beyond thought. there is no way you said that out loud. the spark in ayato’s eyes only brightens to a more mischievous look.

“you said it yourself,” he says casually, “there are things we can’t do if we’re just friends.”

he takes a step closer. “and i want to do them with you, (name).”

you open your mouth but no response forms.

“so will you please let me kiss you?” he completes, the frustration built over the years finally fizzing out.

“yes,” you say, without thinking, admiring the beauty mark by his lips.

after all, in a sighing forest of promises unkept, who’s to tell of a nobleman’s kisses?

#childe x reader #ayato x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #childe fluff #childe x you #ayato x you #kamisato ayato fluff #ayato fluff #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #ayato imagines #childe imagines #yoimix.hc #yoimix.req #zoo wee mama i wanted to write kaeya for this but that's for christmas ig

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