#i wanted to add more things but like my thoughts were too messy and unclear to add so i didnt sadly

[sillylittleclowncat]

everyone seems to kinda have like.. different interpretations of who sylvia is, like that she's either the green one on the album cover, or that she's the mystery woman from the exclusive artwork that comes with the burn pygmalion record, and that the green one on the album cover is just jeanine's anxieties personified...

i don't think there has been any official confirmation on who sylvia is yet (and if there has and i just haven't dug deep enough to find it, then this whole post would pretty much be pointless.. but i'm sure there's been no official confirmation, i woulda found it, i am sure..!! the only official confirmation we have of anything is that jeanine is indeed the pink one on the album cover, that is all we know.)

so, anyway, here is MY theory...

...THEY'RE BOTH SYLVIA, IN A WAY.

-------------------------------------------------------

i feel like green could be jeanine's mind interpretation of sylvia, if that makes sense? green feels more...ominous, and with the way jeanine describes sylvia as ("...complex and mysterious...") in admire the architecture, it could support that, but then at the same time, you never see mystery woman's face on the vinyl artwork, so it could also apply to that.. BUT IT COULD ALSO SUPPORT GREEN SYLVIA STILL..

maybe it's just me projecting onto jeanine, but i feel like when your anxieties really get to you, especially when it comes to whether or not someone really loves you and whether or not they really mean anything they say or do, it can make that person in your life feel more unknown and intimidating and scary than they really are, less trustworthy with all these things your mind is making up, it's especially worse when they aren't there right in front of you to reassure you (i know its happened to me lots)

sylvia is really just a normal girl, yeah she's a movie star, but really she's normal and i feel like jeanine sees sylvia as possibly more intimidating and like she doesn't really know her well because of her status, like sylvia is hiding things from her. this can be supported by the lyrics in starstruck.

so green being how jeanine sees sylvia can make sense, she doesn't see the "real" her, or at least it feels that way

maybe green having one eye only is how jeanine feels about sylvia, judged by her, probably because she might not feel good enough for her, because she's really only a journalist, after all, and not much else, and this could be supported by how green is on top of jeanine in the album cover and how its eye is wide open looking straight at her, jeanine with a tired expression seemingly accepting she'll always be below her... yet there's also the blush and i feel like this could also tie into green being sylvia!!! like!!! jeanine still loves her, it would make sense for the blush to be there if we interpret green as sylvia (not to mention the rainbow hearts spilling out jeanine's head.. also the embrace! like, green has its arms around jeanine like... i dunno..its sylvia embracing her..and if you wanna turn the eye thing into like something more positive i guess? you could say that she only has her eyes on jeanine and nothing else, jeanine being the most important thing to her in the end.

small dump of lyrics i feel can relate to that

also!! i feel like the album cover can also relate to what happens in crushed out on soda beach, specifically the nightmare dance verse

nightmares and dreams in general usually end up twisting things, right? making them more unrecognizable, green could be like a nightmarish version of sylvia, and well, if we resonate this verse with the cover art, jeanine does seem to be collapsed under green, and the hearts and blush could be that crush, y'know? and well the fire, crushed out on soda beach mentions burning and though it is literal in the sense jeanine did try burning sylvia's house down, it can also represent their relationship. burning in passion yet also burning down on itself.

anyway, main point, green is jeanine's messy mind nightmare mesh interpretation of sylvia, after sylvia goes away to film a movie and jeanine isn't able to see her for a while, all of jeanine's anxieties pile up and eat at her, twisting sylvia's intentions, demeanors... quite literally everything about her, and making her completely unrecognizable and different to who she really is. then that twisted version of sylvia fills jeanine's thoughts up and haunts her, making her anxieties and emotions even more loud and unstable, which could also support green being jeanine's general anxieties, too. and also i feel like in the vinyl art the mystery woman not ever like? getting her face properly shown is also relevant to this, like.. going back to jeanine not knowing the "real" sylvia. also adding this one specific verse from no leverage/no pleasure i feel can kinda relate to all that.

maybe the flowers green has could be like... jeanine trying to still see something good and nice in sylvia, again calling back to admire the architecture, jeanine tries to ground herself by thinking of what she likes about sylvia and why she loves her in the first place... so she doesn't grow hateful and spiteful of sylvia. (sadly it doesn't really work, but she tried, at least.)

also to add onto the thing about the flowers, in the vinyl art the flowers are daisies, i'm pretty sure (i am not very flower knowledgeable so who knows, it could totally be some other flower i've never heard of but, well... i'm going with what i've got!!)

i read that some of the meanings of daisies are purity/innocence, along with happiness, and i think it applies to my whole thing about the flowers being the good things about sylvia that jeanine is still trying to see through all the other stuff!! and going on with the nightmare stuff i said prior, this is all happening in jeanine's head so it can apply to that! and man, i could go into a whole other analysis when it comes to what is going on in the vinyl art but i'll leave that for another time, too >_>

also i feel this makes it pretty obvious to why mystery woman can be sylvia, her leaving (seemingly being when she left to go film that movie) and then being seen on a movie screen like. oh and also all the eyes, going back to what i said about jeanine possibly feeling judged by sylvia.

and the color green also is usually associated with positivity so that could also like relate to that?? but i dunno, i think i also read somewhere that green is considered a royal color, which could like relate to sylvia's status as a movie star.

also, something else that could kinda support green being sylvia also is how you could say green and mystery woman both kinda have a similar hair color... but maybe that's me looking into things too much, lol...

-------------------------------------------------------

anyway, that's kinda what i think.. very sorry for all this text, it could totally happen again.. and if you read this far thank you very much for reading!! hope you enjoyed this ramble and maybe your eyes have opened up to new possibilities too because of it..evil laugh…

its possible this argument will all fall apart once there is like actual confirmation to who sylvia is but you know!! i had fun writing this so it's whatever :oP

also sorry this was messy, i have a hard time organizing my thoughts a lot of the time like i tried to clean this up as best i could but like this is still all over the place lol

#i wanted to add more things but like my thoughts were too messy and unclear to add so i didnt sadly #this album makes me so crazy it's insane I LOVE ANALYZING IT #i am sooo normal and sane yup definitely.. #maybe i sjuld have a tag for this kinda stuff #riddle rambles #omg that sounds kinda dumb lol..

[johnshelbystoothpick]

'NO MORE HIDING'

[PETER MAXIMOFF X FEM!OC]

WARNINGS — explicit sexual references, strong language

WORD COUNT — 1,608

PROMPT(S) — “just a little more” & “i want everyone to know that you’re mine”

TRANSLATIONS — koroleva; queen

WRITTEN FOR — @lazylangdon’s one shots contest, round four (smut); she is also the one who was kind enough to make the above graphic for me! <3

———

“If we get caught, Maximoff, I’m going to fucking kill you.”

Peter quirks his signature grin, all cockiness and bravado with no trace of humility to be seen. If Peter Maximoff is capable of embarrassment, it is not something that has ever been witnessed by another human being. Certainly not by Arcadia, at least, and she is quite literally capable of feeling his emotions - something she ordinarily finds useful, but in such circumstances as these the arousal radiating off of him in waves threatens to submerge her in a sea of eroticism.

“I love it when you’re feisty,” he growls lowly, dipping his head so that silver hair brushes against her sharp cheekbones. It tickles, but the sensation is sensual as opposed to playful which one may consider strange for somebody with as natural an affinity for immaturity as Peter. If Arcadia has learned over the past few months that the Peter Maximoff the world sees is not the whole man but rather a fragment projected.

Her fingers twitch with the need to move and suddenly Arcadia finds herself sympathetic to Peter’s everyday plight because this must be how he feels in any given situation: like things are moving too slowly. Torturously, agonisingly slow.

“I’ve never really understood the whole academic spiel,” Peter says after a lengthy pause, “but damn if thinking so hard doesn’t look hot on you, Brodeur.”

She rolls her eyes, more exasperated than annoyed, and her hands find the collar of his shirt. Yanking him forward with more force than strictly necessary, Arcadia effectively swallows his sharp intake of breath when her lips crash against his own.

It’s messy and without preamble, as is always the case when the two of them can find a spare moment alone away from the prying eyes of telepathic professors and fathers who aren’t yet aware that their adult son is living under the same roof as he is, currently making out with his girlfriend in an abandoned classroom two floors above his bedroom. There is still the raw passion that consumes Arcadia whenever Peter is in her presence, but the tenderness is quashed in favour of the rapid removal of clothing and skin-on-skin contact which drives her dizzy with desire every time.

“Are you done with the whole hate sex act?” Peter questions, one eyebrow raised. He’s obviously amused, almost definitely aroused if his body’s natural reaction is any indication, and looking at Arcadia through pupils blown wide with lust.

She brings a hand up to his cheek, cradles it for a moment, then lightly drags her nails across his cherry red, kiss-swollen lips. “Just a little more,” she whispers, breaths tapering into uneven huffs when she feels Peter’s hands weaving through dark tresses and lightly tugging the strands with just the right amount of pressure that the pain is gratifying. “How am I supposed to be annoyed with you when you make me feel like this?”

“It’s all part of my natural charms,” he claims brazenly, breath hot against the shell of her ear. The phantom sensation of his words across her skin sends a stimulating jolt of pleasure through her entire body. “Now, do you wanna talk or do you wanna make out?”

“God, you are such a boy,” she scoffs, slapping his arm lightly. It may have been effective in conveying her point, but it only makes Peter’s salacious smirk widen as he grabs her wrist and pins it above her head with a victorious expression.

“You love me for it,” he states.

It is not a question, though Arcadia finds herself nodding along nonetheless. “And what if I do? I could show you just how much, if you like…” She bats her eyelids with a faux innocent expression.

Peter groans, the sound deep and guttural. With her unrestrained hand pressed flat against his chest, she can feel the vibration of the sound. “Don’t say shit like that right now,” he warns, “I’ve gotta meet Jubilee for training in fifteen and she’ll never let me live this down.”

Finally, it’s Arcadia’s turn to smirk as she glances down at his hardening erection. “Not my problem, Pietro.”

Something she has come to learn in recent weeks is just how much her boyfriend enjoys being referred to by his given name in any circumstance, but especially when they are alone and domesticated, so to speak. The pressure on her wrist increases for a second before Peter relaxes, exhaling slowly.

“You’re a fucking tease, Arcadia Brodeur.”

“Don’t you forget it.”

He leans forward to capture her lips in a kiss which is so uncharacteristically soft that it takes her by surprise. His tongue moves languidly, glides effortless with hers as though they were destined to come together in some synchronised dance, and a plethora of metaphorical fireworks explode in the small room they are encased in.

“I love you,” he says against her lips, repeating the words a dozen times when his mouth leaves hers to trail wet, open-mouthed kisses across the expanse of the exposed flesh of her neck. His teeth lightly graze her collarbone, then again in the same place with a sharper bite, and Arcadia lets out a sound somewhere between a moan and a shriek at the paroxysms of pleasurable pain it leaves in its wake.

“I love you,” he rasps once more, tongue flicking out to soothe the stinging pain he had caused. Arcadia finds herself missing it, though the expert way that Peter works his tongue against her flesh more than makes up for the loss. “And I want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

He brushes his lips against her palm before finally releasing his hold on her wrist which hangs limply at her side for a moment before both of her arms wrap around his neck, clasped at his nape. The ensuing staring contest is charged with electric energy, the sexual tension so palpable one could almost certainly reach out and touch it.

“I love you too,” she says at long last when the silence has run its course. “I just wish we didn’t continue to hide away like this is something to be ashamed of.”

He cups her cheeks, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the grooves of her cheekbones. “I’m not ashamed of us, koroleva,” he insists firmly, “I just didn’t want to put any strain on our relationship with the whole Daddy Issues thing I’ve got going on here right now.”

“You’re an idiot,” she deadpans, “if you think I wouldn’t want to be here with you every step of the way, Peter. Even if your dad is terrifying…”

“Nah, he’s a softie really,” Peter claims, “otherwise he’d have smothered me in my sleep by now with how annoying I act around him.”

“Just around him?”

Peter mock gasps. “I am hurt, Arcadia. Shocked and hurt.”

“You should get over it pretty fast, Quicksilver,” she teases before unlooping her arms and giving his abs a firm pat. “You’d better go now before Jubilee sends out a search party.”

They both know that she would, so Peter doesn’t object beyond a frustrated sigh.

“Maybe deal with that first, though,” she adds. Her hand reaches out to lightly palm him through his jeans, revelling in the ensuing groan he emits as the heat travels from her cheeks to her clit in a way that causes her knees to quiver. She hooks her thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans to steady herself.

For a moment, neither of them speak. They aren’t confident that they could string together a coherent sentence with their hips grinding together with unadulterated lust; their ragged breaths indiscernible from one another’s so that it seems impossible to know where Peter Maximoff ends and Arcadia Brodeur begins.

“To be continued,” he pants after a minute or so has passed. He takes a step back but doesn’t tear his hooded gaze away from the dishevelled Arcadia. “We’ve got unfinished business here.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Arcadia responds, excitement rushing through her at the thought of continuing their little rendezvous. It’s excruciating to have to wait, but she figures having sex in a classroom with windows overlooking the lake where hoards of people seem to be more often than not probably isn’t the wisest decision, no matter how much she and Peter may enjoy the thrill of sneaking around so carelessly. The soft, red lace of her panties becomes wetter with the thought.

Alas, public makeout sessions are hot in places like the mall or the cinema, not so much at a school.

Pausing just before Peter leaves, she has to ask, “Seriously though; why this room?”

Peter’s smirk returns with a vengeance. It’s unclear whether this is due to whatever answer he may give, or if he’d picked up on the tremor in her voice as she’d asked. “Because Scott and Jean walk past here every day at precisely three pm,” he informs, watching with impish glee as her eyes widen comically, “and would you look at the time. No more hiding, koroleva.”

The clock strikes three hardly a second later and Peter gives a mocking salute before speeding out of the room in the blink of an eye.

“Peter Maximoff, I’m going to fucking kill you!”

Peering through the open doorway, Scott and Jean make no effort to conceal their snickering. “Might want to deal with that hickey first, Cady,” the redhead advises, flouncing away with her boyfriend before Arcadia can formulate a witty retort. She can feel the amusement emanating from the couple as they disappear.

God, she needs to get her own place. And possibly a new boyfriend. First things first: makeup.

#peter maximoff #peter maximoff fanfiction #peter and arcadia #peter maximoff smut #peter maximoff imagine #quicksilver #quicksilver fanfiction #quicksilver imagine #evan peters #x men fanfiction #jean grey #scott summers #erik lehnsherr #magneto #charles xavier #professor x

[logically-asexual]

I want to give you your grin

i made this for @loceitweek2021 Day 2: Crook/Aftermath

summary:

After Thomas chose to go to the wedding, Janus has a lot of work for his plans to work out, and that includes getting Logic on his side. Logan currently is constantly being left out. He is trying too hard (and failing) to make himself fit in with the others, so he will try anything to feel useful.

Janus decides to take advantage of this (and Logan's denied feelings for him) to get away with his scheme, but what neither of them expect is actually falling for each other in the process.

warnings: emotional manipulation, Logan is very insecure. let me know if i should add more.

Read on AO3

Chapter 3 (last)

| First | | Previous |

words: 2424

Janus was very satisfied with the progress he had made with Logan, and how the pieces of his plan were falling together. He had everything under control, and now that Thomas was driving back home from the wedding, he was ready for the final act. Something in him felt guilty about pushing Logic away and impersonating him again, but it was indispensable to his plan. Besides, it wasn’t him who was going to shut Logic down, he was just going to wait for an opportunity when the others did.

Janus couldn’t tell whether Logan’s recent support of him was causing the others to embrace Deceit or to reject Logan even more, but, frankly, he didn’t care. It wasn’t his problem, he just had one goal in mind and it was taking advantage of Thomas’ mood today to finally make him listen to reason. If that came with the little side-effect of Logan coming to him later for comfort, well that was just another advantage. It was always amusing to see the stuck-up teacher all emotionally troubled.

“What the f***, everybody?”

That was Thomas. It was showtime.

During the discussion, everything went as he expected. Logan was even showing up with the written support-facts quite often (if Janus had been the one to hint something to spark that idea, for Logan to show up instead of staying out of it, no one had to know). Having spent his time a little closer to Logan in the past weeks also helped Janus improve his impression of him.

He had been ready, and it was all perfect until he pulled Logan with his crook, because he definitely wasn’t prepared for what would happen afterwards.

✩ ✩ ✩

Logan didn’t fully process what happened when Patton pressed the “SKIP” button next to him, not until he felt his back collide with someone, and the pressure on his neck was relieved. It took a minute for him to be able to catch his breath, and to be able to focus on anything other than the pain of the bruise that was surely forming. Once he did, he almost stumbled backwards again, but a steady hand on his shoulder and the chest of the other Side behind him helped him recover his balance.

Still coughing lightly, Logan turned around to see Deceit, who seemed slightly concerned for a moment, before relaxing to a smug expression. The space he was in was pitch black, but with just enough light to illuminate him and Deceit, who was now proudly standing with a tall curve-shaped staff in his hand.

“Logan, darling, how are you doing?”

Logan rolled his eyes at the patronizing tone, and decided to simply turn around and walk away, looking for an exit. However, he was immediately stopped by Deceit’s crook (now on his shoulder), and once again pulled backwards to him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Deceit’s low voice whispered in his ear.

“Back to work. In case you couldn’t tell, I was in the middle of something.” He pulled himself out of the other’s hold and faced him again, with arms crossed.

“Oh, right, because Patton and Roman are clearly thrilled to take your additions into account, as demonstrated by what just happened before you were brought here.”

“That doesn’t matter, I have to keep trying.”

“You don’t “have” to do anything. Why don’t you-”

“I don’t want to hear your suggestions. I just have to find-” Logan wouldn’t fall for Deceit’s games that easily.

“Find what?”

“Nothing, none of your business. Just let me go and get my work done.”

“You’re going to keep silently displaying information that no one wants to read?”

“No, I-”

“Or are you going to start talking without invitation for them to cut you off again?”

“No, there’s-”

“Or are you going to stay quiet until Patton calls you in and then go against your own values to say something that the others want to hear?” There was that displeased glare again that Logan just couldn’t bear.

“Look, there has to be an answer. I must find the way. I am Logic, I know there is a solution and if I don’t find it through conscientious strategizing at least I will through elimination of everything else that didn’t work!”

Logan moved to escape once again, but Deceit rapidly grabbed him by his arms and slammed him to a nearby wall, previously invisible in the darkness of the room. His hands moved to hold Logan’s shoulders, and another pair pinned his wrists to either side of his body. Logan struggled desperately against him, but to no avail.

“Logan, look at me.”

Logan looked up, but the tears that were building up for his distress made the image unclear.

“You’ll find your place, and how your role fits, but you have to just wait and let it happen.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I am not-”

“You are! I know it’s not true, and I know I’ve been in denial all this time, okay? I know it’s hopeless to think I can make myself useful again, and that I really am out of options. I have tried everything; to protest and to comply, to support them and to hold back, to have opinions and to state only facts from Thomas’ memories, to agree with them and... to agree with you, even.” He looked downwards at the gloved hands keeping him stuck, and continued quietly. “It all goes wrong, eventually. The problem is me.”

A fifth hand came to his chin, lifting his face to meet Janus’ gaze.

“Listen,” Janus was choosing his words carefully, “Thomas is changing, because he has to. Of course that will affect all of us, and it will be messy.”

Logan knew that. “But that means I have to-”

“Ah ah ah. As he finds himself again, you will find your own role. But you have to give him time, give him the chance to find the right place for you... hopefully on my team,” he added with a wink. After a pause, he went on, with a deadly serious tone Logan had never heard from him. “This is a change you can’t control, but it’ll pass. I’ll make sure of that.”

He moved the hand previously on his chin to the side, his thumb brushing against Logan’s cheek. Logan leaned into the soft sensation, feeling exposed but understood, in a way he hadn’t felt in years. At that moment he realized how close the two of them were, and how from this distance he could make out hints of yellow swirling in both of Deceit’s irises. Deceit’s eyes seemed to be studying his own just as meticulously while he slowly moved closer.

Janus was running out of time, and he had already missed a part of the conversation with Patton. He really couldn’t miss this opportunity and ruin everything he had planned. But there was something about the way Logan’s teary eyes were staring up at him, wide open and shaken, but so full of trust, that captivated him. So he leaned forward and kissed him without thinking twice.

The kiss wasn’t strong or passionate, Deceit only pressed their mouths together and lingered there. To Logan, it was perfect. Even with the softness of it, he felt almost overwhelmed, but closed his eyes and relaxed into it, and let the warm sensation wash over him for a moment. It quieted his mind in the only satisfying way he could imagine.

Deceit slowly pulled away, and studied his eyes for an instant. Before Logan could even take a breath in, he was gone. He just... disappeared. Logan tried to follow after him, before realizing that both his wrists were tied to the wall behind him.

He attempted to make the bounds disappear but nothing happened, so he tried to physically pull them off, which turned out fruitless, as well. He groaned in frustration. This was part of Deceit’s powers, after all. He could keep any Side hidden or silenced for however long he wanted. Logan just had to wait until whatever Deceit had planned was done or until he was distracted enough to let the effect wear out.

Logan thought that, unlike Roman, he would be immune to it, but the traitorous snake got away with using and taking advantage of his feelings, too.

... What feelings, anyway? What did Logan even feel for Deceit to make him act like this?

He groaned again. Of all the things that could have happened to him, he was left alone with his thoughts for an undetermined amount of time, to confront attraction and other sickening emotions he was apparently feeling but wasn’t previously aware of? Why couldn’t Deceit have left him with the Duke? The torture would have been less painful.

He leaned against the wall, ready to begin figuring things out, and noticed Deceit took his tie with him, too. He was clever, Logan couldn’t lie about that.

✩ ✩ ✩

Despite the unprecedented distraction, Janus carried on with his scheme, disguising as Logan successfully. He had been somewhat worried, because Logan is a lot more than just referencing studies and taking things literally, but lately it was all he showed to the others, so it wasn’t surprising that that was all he needed for the impression.

If everything went well, Patton would finally admit that he was wrong, and allow Thomas to relax, then Deceit could leave them all alone for a while and he wouldn’t have to face Logan.

Except it did not go well.

First, Logan showed up when he was about to reach a breakthrough with Thomas. Janus assumed it would ruin everything, since Logan would call him out for his tricks and derail the conversation, and it was embarrassing to see him either way. To his surprise, however, not only did Logan dodge the topic of what had happened between them, but he also interjected with an argument in Deceit’s favor. Well, kind of. Janus didn’t care about how “altruistic” Thomas could be, but the idea gave strength to Deceit’s proposal of self care, while being balanced enough for Thomas to approve of.

So that was awkward, but ultimately satisfactory.

After that, everything seemed to be going smoothly, up until Roman’s little dramatic episode. And yeah, Janus probably deserved it, but it was still annoying. Whatever, Thomas listened to him in the end and it’s not like he expected Roman, of all Sides, to respect him or his name. Patton or anyone else could deal with the petty Prince later. Once Thomas acknowledged that Janus was right and that he would take time for himself with less guilt and more often, his job was done, and the emotional turmoil left behind was an issue for the emotional Sides to resolve. He had more important matters to attend to.

That was, until Logan showed up unannounced in his room later that night.

Logan didn’t really know what he was doing when he went to Deceit after everyone had calmed down, but he was overthinking and that just wouldn’t be healthy. He had to take action to let out all those thoughts impending his focus.

“So... Janus?”

Janus didn’t look up from the snake he was feeding. “Wrong number, and we’re currently out of service, try again never. Thank you.”

“This is a presencial conversation, I’m not talking on the phon-”

“What did you come here for?”

Logan looked down, fidgeting with his tie. “I... I guess I never thanked you.”

That made Janus glance up. “Thank me?”

“I didn’t want to recognize it, but I have been forcing myself to fit into something that I am not. You are right,-“ Janus would never get tired of hearing that- “we’re all changing, and although I do like it when I can predict how things will happen, for this situation I will have to be patient, and wait until Thomas can make sense of himself, and then make sense of me.” Logan stepped closer to the other Side. “Realizing this lifted a figurative weight off my shoulders that I didn’t know I was carrying. So thank you.”

“So, you’re no longer going to be an exasperating people-pleaser?”

“No,” he chuckled, “you already showed me how distressing taking that to an extreme can be.” Yes, that was definitely what Janus was trying to do, to teach Logan a lesson and totally not to manipulate him to get away with his plans, of course not.

They both stood quietly for a minute, searching for something else to say.

“I guess if you can do it, I have to thank you, too.” Janus, finally said. “For helping me earlier.”

“Ah. I wasn’t trying to help you, really. But I do agree with you, and after having some time to think,” Logan paused for a moment to look accusingly at Janus, who smiled awkwardly, “I remembered reading about effective altruism, and I genuinely thought it was the best choice.”

Maybe Janus underestimated Logan, but he did know he was more valuable than what the others credited him for. “I think so, too.”

Janus still hoped that Logan would be on his side more often, now that they knew it worked well for them, but he couldn’t deny that the concept of Logan confidently debating him was exciting. So far, seeing Logan follow his lead was the best feeling in the world, but perhaps it could be pushed to second place by Logic finally speaking his own mind.

Logan lowered his gaze to the snake in the tank next to them. It was bright yellow, and impressively big. He made a mental note to inquire about it another day, before looking back up when he felt Janus rest a hand on his shoulder.

“We are a good team.”

Logan could tell he was being sincere this time, and smiled up at him, his eyes again open and affectionate. He could let bitterness and anger take over him for how Deceit abandoned him tied up earlier, but if he was already going to be disturbed by strong emotions, it might as well be enjoyable ones. Besides, he had just come to terms with a crush, something he would have never pictured himself doing, so he couldn’t let it go to waste.

Logan reached out to hold Janus’ free hand, and leaned in to kiss him quickly.

Things were far from getting back in order, and there was a lot left to figure out, but at that moment, both of them knew that right here, next to each other, they fit in perfectly.

#logan sanders #logic sanders #deceit sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #loceit #locetiweek2021 #ts

[clevercorvidae]

BNHA Common Misconceptions

I’ve been seeing wayyy too much bs on my dash lately. So I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on some Controversy™

***Spoilers For The Manga***

1. “What the HPSC did to Hawks wasn’t bad”

A government organization putting a young child through rigorous training so that he can be used as a tool is bad. I don’t know why I have to spell that out

Hawks had to abandon his real name at a very young age. That’s damaging for a kid’s sense of identity. His identity as a person no longer has any separation from his work as a hero. Being a hero is all he is now. I wouldn’t be surprised if (provided Hawks’s wings are gone for good) he has an identity crisis after this arc because he can’t be “Hawks” anymore.

Hawks is based on Lionel Messi, a soccer player recruited at a young age in return for paying for his medical procedures. I’ve seen people say that Hawks chose to be a hero. One, he was a child, young children shouldn’t be making decisions like that. Two, we know based on context clues that Keigo was more than likely living in poverty, possibly with alcoholic parents, and we literally are told that the HPSC payed for his family’s living expenses. Do you really think Keigo had much of a choice here?

I’ve seen people say “it’s just like what UA is doing”. First of all, UA is called out for being irresponsible and endangering their students IN UNIVERSE. Second, Keigo was a young child, the UA kids are 15+. There’s a huge difference.

2. “Mitsuki isn’t abusive”

Honestly when it comes to her smacking Katsuki, I could excuse it as a joke done in poor taste and not hold it over her as a character.

Hitting him WASNT just discipline tho. You should never, ever, under any circumstances hit your kid. Fuck that noise.

What I really have an issue with is what she SAYS to Katsuki. Her guilt tripping him isn’t a throwaway line either. He repeats the sentiment that he is responsible for Kamino during Deku v Kacchan 2. It’s one of the main reasons he fights Deku.

Horikoshi says that Katsuki has a good relationship with his mother. In that case, he did a horrible job at presenting that. What is written in the canon is what should be used as the basis for how we interpret her character.

3. “Shigaraki chose to kill his family/was born evil”

No...just...no. He was FIVE for crying out loud.

He wanted to be a hero, and took extra care to play with kids that had no friends. He definitely wasn’t born evil lmao.

His quirk manifested while he was having an emotional crisis. Decay is controlled by emotion so of course it went haywire.

He didn’t even know it was him doing it at first.

“But Shigaraki said he WANTED it to happen” Shigaraki is an unreliable narrator. What we actually SEE tells a very different story. He reaches out to Hana and his Mother for help. His grandparents are just caught in the shockwave. The ONLY person he killed on purpose was his father.

Now when it comes to his father, he had just beat him and locked him outside. He’s FIVE, and he has no healthy outlet for his anger and frustration. Hell, we see that in his “itchiness”, he only feels like this in the house, because his father makes him suppress his love for heroes and his dream to become one. He takes joy in killing his father because it’s the only release he’s ever experienced.

The fact that you guys forget that this is an abused child with no real control over his quirk that just got beaten and locked outside... Nope, no reading comprehension here.

4. “The League of Villains are justified/are a revolutionary group”

...Shigaraki has stated over and over again that he just wants to destroy everything. He doesn’t care about reform or improving anything. That one panel in Ch. 222, where he says he wants to destroy everything I think sums it up perfectly.

He wants to destroy EVERYTHING good or bad or neither or both. There’s a newborn baby, a field of flowers , Nine, various heroes, the UA kids, etc all varying in innocence.

The rest of the league have very different goals and reasons why they continue to support Shigaraki. Twice wants to protect the only people that accepted him. Spinner just wants to have purpose for his life. Toga wants to live the way she wishes with no consequences. Compress is also here.

The only “revolutionary” is Dabi. But his views are not universal throughout the league.

Even if they were trying to improve things. They have killed countless innocent people, they’ve tried to kill the UA kids too. That’s not ok. And it’s not erased by the fact that they’ve done good. (I do appreciate them for killing the MHA version of the KKK, truly epic of you)

5. “Hawks is abusive”

It’s not abuse to manipulate someone for info when you’re a double agent. It’s kinda shitty, and you could argue that it was unnecessary for Hawks to do so in context. But it’s not abuse.

Y’all need to stop using the word abuse/abusive tendencies to describe all immoral actions

I’ve also seen people say that Hawks has abusive tendencies (as in he’s abusive in all his relationships with other characters) and...do I really need to explain why that makes no sense at all?

6. “Twice deserved to die/it was necessary to kill him”

Feel like I need to remind people that we’ve only ever actually seen Twice kill one guy and that was one of the KKK guys.

Twice isn’t evil, even Hawks admits that he is a genuinely good person. Good people don’t deserve to die.

It wasn’t necessary, and here’s why: Hawks could’ve just knocked him out or even just severely injured him. (Or the HPSC could’ve just grown a brain cell and sent more people to back him up, making it easier to hold back his quirk and arrest him)

Hawks shouldn’t have killed Twice, he only killed him because he’s been raised as a child soldier and I wouldn’t be surprised if what he told Twice about taking out villains was a direct quote from the HPSC

Also, Hawks would’ve killed Twice with or without Dabi’s intervention

Something I do have to say though is that Hawks was right not to just let Twice go. It’s tragic because Twice WAS leaving to help his friends, but the other side of that tragedy it that his friends are terrorists. If he was allowed to leave a shit ton of people would have died (again that doesn’t mean he deserved to die either, don’t get it twisted)

The WHOLE POINT of Hawks v Twice is to make you question who the bad guy is. Both characters are morally gray and the only reason they even have to fight is because of the outside forces controlling their fates. It’s supposed to be tragic it’s supposed to be unclear who is in the right, so stop arguing about it.

7. “Bakugou is abusive/irredeemable” (I know it’s been talked to death but I still see it everywhere)

People are, in fact, allowed to grow past the person they were in middle school.

Most people get hung up on the “throw yourself off a building” line. Which is fair, but again, he was in middle school.

People also say “he hasn’t apologized yet”. Yeah? And? The story isn’t over yet. Horikoshi has already acknowledged that too. I don’t know what you want? People who like him know that his arc isn’t over yet.

I’ve seen a lot of people denying his character development. In the beginning of the series he was a bully and let his ego control him. I don’t think he’s bullied...anyone since Deku v Kacchan 2. He insults people but they obviously don’t take it seriously.

He’s also gone from preferring to fail a final exam to avoid working with Deku, to following him into battle against Shigaraki.

Also, when he actually likes and respects someone he doesn’t mistreat them. This is the same thing with Hawks where y’all NEED to stop misusing the word abuse. He was an abusive friend to Deku when they were kids, that’s it.

8. “Rei was abusive too!”

I’m BEGGING YOU to learn what the term “abuse” means istg

She had a psychotic break. She genuinely thought it was her abusive husband coming through the door, and she acted out of fear.

“Well that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is. Not to mention that as soon as she realized what happened, she sobs hysterically because she hurt Shouto and tries to use her quirk to help him.

I genuinely don’t understand why people think this

9. “Dabi actually does care about the league”

Listen, I know it sounds harsh, but y’all need to get your heads out of your piles of headcanons.

We know next to nothing about how Dabi feels about just about anything. But we do see that he’s aloof and distant with the league, he doesn’t put in more than he needs to. The rest of the league think of each other as family. Dabi straight up says he doesn’t give a shit about them.

“What if he was just putting up a front for Hawks” Why? Why would he do that? When asked who he was he answered him. He tells him how he feels about hero society and Stain. Not to mention that he was getting ready to kill him. If he was hiding his true feelings about the league I doubt he would’ve so easily said that he didn’t care about them but rather how useful they were.

At this point it’s just wishful thinking. Based on everything we’ve seen in the series so far and everything we know about Dabi, I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t care about them all that much. If he secretly does care about them, I’d say it’s likely that he doesn’t even know he does.

Idk why all of a sudden villain stans and hero stans are feuding over things that shouldn’t even be up for debate in the first place. Sorry if this came off as super aggressive, I’m just sick of seeing this stuff all over the place. If anyone has anything to add go ahead

#bnha #bnha spoilers #discourse #bakugou katsuki #Hawks #keigo takami #dabi #league of villains #mitsuki bakugou #shigaraki tomura

[sapphos-darlings]

Hi. I'm really sorry if these sorts of asks aren't allowed here. If they aren't, please just delete it. I just don't really have anyone to talk about this. So, I've realised I'm a lesbian maybe about two years ago. It was really difficult, as for some reason I chose to ignore all the signs that pointed towards it. Anyway, last September after a few sessions with my therapist, I decided to tell my best female friend I liked her romantically. There were and still are a few problems with it. [1]

The most glaring problem was the distance. I live in Russia, in the Ural area, and she in western Germany. Russian is still her native language tho, so it isn't a problem. On my sessions with my therapist we discussed all the possible outcomes of my confession, both positive and negative. And when she told me no because of the distance, I was fine with it, because I also wasn't really ready for it, as I was suicidal and depressed back then. 

I felt really good that I was able to tell her about my feelings. Surprisingly for me, even though she said no, we became even better friends after it. And here kinda lies my problem and my question? The weird thing is, I think she sometimes tries to flirt with me? At least, those messages are REALLY different from her compliments from before I confessed. They feel different. Maybe I'm just making it up tho... She even said I was "sexy" once on the valentines day??

I've also been having dreams where we are together, and last night she even asked me (in the dream!!) to have sex with her??? And like...I'm feeling so uncomfortable with it.. She told me no about the long-distance relationship, and I respect and understand that! But I feel so weird and  even dirty for having those thoughts?? I don't act on it, I never tell her anything of this sort. The most I do is say I love her, but she also does it all the time!

It's just, is there a way to stop these thoughts? Maybe I should talk to her about it? But how do I address it without it being weird? I feel like an idiot or an incel or whatever.  Or is just internal lesbophobia? I literally don't know. The worst thing is that we can't see each other soon, as I don't really have the money to go abroad.  Sorry it's so messy. I also wanted to add that I am NOT suicidal or depressed anymore, so don't be worried about that. And thanks for any advice.

Don’t worry, Anon, these kind of asks are absolutely allowed here. We’re here to help and support our sisters!

Sounds to me like you’ve had and are having some rough times. It sounds really hard, Anon, I hope you all the strength and resilience to keep pushing through.

Let me just say that I hear you. I relate to a lot of what you’ve said, and your troubles are absolutely real and worth consideration. Thank you for opening up, it must have taken a lot of thought and strength to write all that down. Now, I don’t know you or your full situation, so I can’t give you definitive answers or tell you what to do, but I can give you my two cents, share some of my own experiences, and speak to you as another lesbian who’s been there.

To me realizing that I am a lesbian took a while even with the glaringly obvious signs because gay people are never spoken as one of the group. It’s always “they”, and “those people”, and “that kind of people out there somewhere”. It honestly took be some time to realize that hey, there’s a gay person right here, among you, thinking my thoughts. It was always something “over there”, so making a connection that I could be one of them was honestly like realizing I’m a mythical creature.

I think that the feeling of being made invisible, impossible or an outsider follows us for a lot longer than just making that initial connection. The realization is just a turning point in the beginning of our journey, and we still have our whole lives ahead of us. It’s a long journey, and there’s going to be uphills and downhills and twists and turns.

You absolutely have internalized lesbophobia. To an extent, we all do. You have been taught to fear and marginalize homosexuality, and when thoughts and feelings coming from your own homosexuality emerge, you’re afraid of them. You think your love and desire are something dangerous that will insult this woman you like, or that they are somehow dirty. You’re handling your feelings like they are something obscene that you must shield others from, and you feel like your mere thoughts need permission to exist.

Take a deep breath and don’t try to stop or banish them. They are just thoughts. They don’t touch anything, they don’t hurt anyone, and they are not actions. They are just thoughts. Breathe. Let them come, inspect them, enjoy them, reflect upon them, and then let them go. Whatever they make you feel, you’re safe. Everything is contained inside your head, it’s totally private, and it’s only yours. Just breathe. Whatever the situation with this woman is, you’re always allowed to think and dream.

Now, as for your relationship, it sounds complicated and could really use an honest talking to where both of you express your true feelings and more importantly, what actions you wish and should take. To me it sounds like maybe this woman is toying with the idea of a relationship with you, but for her it’s very safe: You’re friends, you’re far apart, and she already knows that you like her.

What it is not is fair to you. You don’t know what she’s really feeling or thinking. You have a right to demand answers and honesty. You don’t have to linger in a limbo of a little bit of flirting where she toys with your feelings and sends mixed or unclear messages. Maybe you should confront her about this: if she’s interested, it’s okay to change her mind or feel reserved. If she’s not really interested, you can set boundaries to your friendship; say that you want just friendship without hints or flirting. If it’s the distance that’s stopping you, maybe you should try anyway if both of you really want it, even if it’s going to be hard, because this not-doing-it is clearly not great either. Be honest and kind; tell her what you’re feeling and what you want. Tell her how her actions make you feel.

But really only you can really know your life, and you’re obviously close friends, so you know her too. It’s up to you, what do you want and how you’ll go about it. Just remember firstly to respect yourself and demand others do the same, and secondly be open, kind and honest, because you can only really control yourself and how you do things. Be honest and open and accept the vulnerability that comes with it, because only then you have opened yourself up for the possibility of getting what you want in return.

Good luck, Anon! Keep fighting, keep growing, and stay proud.

- Lavender

[reenakawwa]

Final Draft of Non-Fiction

Reena Kawwa

Professor Reiter    

ENL 267

04 February 2020

            Qahweh of Life

I grew up around the rich aroma of Qahweh. Qahweh is the Arabian version of brewed American coffee. It is lightly or heavily roasted Arabica coffee beans with a hint of Cardamom. There is no limit to what Qahweh can be served for. In Middle Eastern countries, Qahweh is a commonality between everyone from poor to rich and muslim and christian, which is why it is used as a peacemaker. In The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, Qahweh Sadah (Black Coffee) is a hospitality staple. We greet our friends, families and royals with 3 oz of dark, boiling, black liquid. To not offer coffee during meetings is seen as disrespectful. During engagement parties in Jordan called Jahaa, the groom's family visits the bride's house to ask for her hand in marriage. The groom will be offered a cup of Qahweh, but will usually postpone drinking it until the bride’s family gives their blessing for the marriage. This simple act is seen as respect for the two families involved.  During the Jaha, the Qahweh Sadah is seen as a peace offering. This tradition adds emphasis as to why Qahweh is not just coffee. It is a sacrifice, a gift, and a common denominator.                                

I personally never knew what the hype was about. The 3oz cup of bitter coffee

seemed like torture. The first sip is somehow also the last. After that, you’ll be up for hours,  

possibly on the edge of an anxiety attack. My Grandma never started her less-than- busy day without a Finjan (espresso sized cup) of Qahweh. She also never ended her day without

one.  Making Qahweh is a process. You put the pulverized coffee beans into a Rakwe. A Rakwe

is a small pot that is used specifically for Arabic coffee. Many people in Arabic countries prefer

to add cardamom pods to the Rakwe. That addition however, is your choice. Oftentimes, people

enjoy Qahweh black, but you will get the occasional guest that prefers to get a sugar rush with

the caffeine boost. In that case, you can add the desired amount of sugar into the Rakwe before

the coffee is made. Kids were never offered Qahweh. They would be given Chai as a substitute.

Arabian Chai is not your regular Starbucks Chai latte. Chai is the Arabic word for black tea. It is

our Earl grey.  Up until the age of fifteen, I was enjoying a small cup of Chai every morning with

breakfast and every night after dinner. The caffeine boost is minimal but it goes great with

Jordanian meals.

One morning, I woke up to a fresh Rakwe of Qahweh being made by my father. At that time, I was a kid trying to rush into adulthood. Being surrounded by older cousins, the escape from childhood is justified. Being a kid is hell. I was done having Chai while they all sipped their little cups of Qahweh and gossiped about everything that is far from important. I wanted in. So, naturally, I picked up a finjan and poured myself 3oz of that black liquid diploma into adulthood. My mother was not having it. She bombarded me with negative side effects to coffee as she was sipping on hers. If you are under the age of 17 and drink Qahweh, in a few months you’ll be cursed with a full-ass beard. That myth is the ultimate threat to Arab women as facial hair is seen as the end of the world. The full-ass beard is not a threat to me. I drank up. I sipped it while listening in on the ted talk that my mother hosted with her sisters in our kitchen.

             I did not enjoy the first sip. It was bitter, too hot to take as a shot, yet too tiny to drink slowly. Nevertheless, I intended on finishing it. The second sip took me by surprise. I could feel the Qahweh’s acidity in the pit of my stomach. For beginners, Qahweh is like taking a shot of liquid ginger. You close your eyes, pinch your nose and pray you don’t gag. I did not enjoy the second sip, but I also did not hate it. I tolerated it. My pinky finger did not get the gist of the Finjan. It was not supposed to fold around the baby cup, rather it was supposed to be slightly tipped to the side. At least that is how the adults held it. I eyed how my Grandma held it closely because it somehow looked elegant. The conversation had shifted from travel ideas to juicy family gossip.

                   As a teenager, there is nothing that amused me more than the talk of family members. I listened closely until I had an anecdote to add. I finally had a great addition to the story of my cousin’s messy engagement. I might have shared too much and I blame that all on the two sips of Qahweh. Nevertheless, I got everyone’s attention instantly...there it is! I mastered the art of sipping the Qahweh! That was the third sip. The ultimate sip. During that short-lived moment, the Qahweh in my mind became a rocky road ice cream. I could still feel the sharp acidic flavor on my lips. It was far from the French vanilla, splash of caramel, soy milk latte everyone seems to be obsessed with. I suddenly did not mind the blandness. I somehow enjoyed the sharp sting that I had previously dreaded during the first few sips. By the third sip, when you finally start to want more, there are only two more sips left. The second to last sip is just as good as the third, if not better. It’s still boiling, silky smooth like velvet, and pitch black. This sip is a hard one to swallow. You can feel the end of the Finjan nearing so you take your time. You make small talk, pretend like you're interested in whoever’s story you're listening to, and try to make plans for the next Qahweh session. Most importantly, you dread the upcoming sip. You despise it. You mull over the idea of just pouring the rest into the sink and running. It’s crazy to think that just as you start to want more, it becomes distasteful. You crave more of that third and fourth sip. You know the one coming will be far from good. You wanna know what the last sip of Qahweh feels like? It is similar to the feeling you get when you go overboard on that “All you can eat sushi buffet”. When you promise that that Philly roll is the last order you’ll put in, yet you somehow end up getting three more. You enjoy the first two pieces, but then wonder how you’ll finish the rest. Your full but yet you don’t want to stop. It’s a deadly cycle.

Ultimately, you never end up pouring the rest of the Qahweh out. You want

to stay in the conversation and force yourself to pull it together. You close your eyes, pinch our nose, and try your hardest to keep it together in front of your family. This sip is the only sip I took as if it was a shot of Irish Car Bomb. It was no joke. Almost identical to taking a shot of hard liquor. It was bitter, potent and yet essential to the after-effects. Do you want to be vigorous? You must drink the remaining sip. The last sip is not smooth. Since the Qahweh in the pot is unfiltered, the grounded beans end up at the end of the Finjan. So the last sip is filled with little tiny bits of coffee beans that get stuck to your upper lip as you drink it. You pull through though because what comes next is the most exciting part of drinking Qahweh with family members.

After everyone finishes their cup, we flip it upside down and rest it on the saucer that the cup comes with. We let the residue dry and then turn it over. The myth is that once the residue of the Qahweh is stained on the cup, a superstitious person with a gift of reading the future will try and “read the cup”. This is called Tasseography. The stain of the left-over liquid and coffee beans make all kinds of shapes on the cup. Usually, in most Qahweh dates, there is that one person who is gifted at Tasseography. They can make out crazy stories through unclear shapes on the cup. They analyze every little stain pattern and interpret it into real-life situations for the person who drank from the cup. No stain is left unread. Every detail is a clue to predicting the person’s future. I’m Christian, so this tradition is only for fun, we are not allowed to take the predictions seriously because we believe fate is in the hands of God. Yet, we always find ourselves asking someone to read our cup. It’s like even though we know it’s wrong, we still need all the hope we can get.

I can not help but wonder if life is merely a cup of Qahweh? Is our life those five sips of roasted coffee beans? It’s a weird thing to believe, but let me explain myself. The first sip if you recall, is bitter, too hot to take as a shot yet too little to drink slowly. The first sip is not exactly enjoyable. You get a sudden wave of anxiety mixed with indescribable energy that keeps you going for hours. You want to stop drinking but you can’t. You encourage yourself to suck it up and keep going. What if, the first sip of Qahweh, was the first time you felt rejected? It's a bitter moment when you realize that something you wanted so bad, was simply not for you. Maybe it was that fancy-schmancy job interview in the city that you could swear you mastered. You left the office thinking you secured that position with a wide smirk across your face. That smirk, however, was wiped right off two days later when you got the “I’m sorry, but thank you for your interest and time” email from the manager. Just like that first sip, you would love to just give up but something tells you to keep trying. The second sip of Qahweh took you by surprise. Just when you thought things might start looking up, you are filled with that acidic flavor in the pit of your stomach. Maybe that acidity is the butterflies you get when you are in that second job interview. You worked on your weaknesses and vowed to show up with more confidence. With this sip, however, you want to keep going and see how the finjan will end. You get that call back for a second interview and suddenly those butterflies in your stomach become a little more tolerable.

The third sip or as I like to call it “The ultimate sip”, is nothing short of amazing. You start to feel the Qahweh in action and begin to love the acidity. The third sip is an unexpected adventure. Maybe that third sip is the first time you locked eyes with someone you love deeply. You're still nervous, the butterflies are still flying all over your tummy, but that look is too beautiful to give up. You feel safe and decide to continue on this unexpected, eccentric, and personally unorthodox journey. The fourth sip is even better than the third. It is still hot and smooth like velvet. It flows right out of the cup with ease and elegance. You can feel the end of the finjan coming up shortly, so you take your time and enjoy every second. Maybe this sip is the unforgettable moments that you have with your significant other. In those moments, you do not have a care in the world. All your focus is on each other. However, stressful thoughts about every minor detail in your life cloud your mind and all of a sudden you fear the end of those carefree moments. As humans, we are wired to think about our future and often overthink details that are simply premature.

The last sip is nothing like you’ve ever feared. It is messy, way too bitter, and almost scary. The little coffee bits that roll off the finjan into your mouth are inevitable. You knew this was coming. Maybe the last sip is that crushing feeling you get when you are not given that promotion. Maybe the last sip is the moment you learn that you are being evicted due to a large amount of rent money left unpaid. You worry you do not have what it takes to pay that bill, or even talk to your boss about the promotion. Even with all those fears, you push through it. You talk to someone you trust, you work a little harder, and you encourage yourself by believing that what comes next will be exciting and life-changing.

After all that, once the finjan has come to an end, the tasseography begins. Maybe the Qahweh cup reading, is us trying so hard to predict our destiny and see where life will take us. We know that no matter how hard we try at reading every detail in that cup, our future is not in our hands. We do not have full control of what is coming up next. Instead, God is the only one who holds our future. We can try all we want, but life is a beautiful, tiny 3oz cup of hope. It is unexpected, enjoyable, delicious and bitter all in one. The only thing for us to do is close our eyes, pinch our nose, and pray for the best.

[stardust-ghost]

Unclear

This fic was made for a writing challenge that I submitted on my other account.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: In this fic Peter is college by this point. This is actually my first piece of MCU writing and I’m really excited, I hope it’s decent <3

Peter’s eyes fluttered open, squinting at the rays of sun wavering through the curtains letting the slightest of sighs fall from his lips. He stilled a moment, letting his eyes adjust to his surroundings, recognizing the studio apartment he found himself in most nights. His head fell gently to his side to face the body lying next to him and instantly your essence took over his senses. For a moment all that existed was smooth skin, messy hair, and the smell of clean linen from the sheets.

Gently reaching out a hand, he pushed away stray locks falling into your face, shifting onto his side to face you fully with a soft smile. While the nights were always full of excitement and passion, this had to be his favorite moment of it all. The innocence and gentleness that came with the morning. The few moments where he could pretend that he woke up to this every day. Where he didn’t have to worry about anything other than you.

But, as all great things do, they come to end, the most brilliant things leaving before we could fully immerse ourselves in them. You slowly stirred, groaning softly before stretching your arms above your head. Bringing your hands down to rest on your abdomen, a smile fell on your lips as you turned your head to meet the eyes that reminded you of hot chocolate and home.

“Hey pretty girl.” His hoarse and slightly strained voice spoke barely above a whisper as if anything louder would crack the happy moment.

“Hey.” You spoke through a yawn, fingers rubbing away the tiredness from your eyes.

Things between them have been like this for a while now. Best friends since high school with an unexplainable tension that almost anyone could spot, few daring to actually mention. Although their relationship almost escalated on plenty of occasions it only truly intensified about a month before this morning. Typical Saturday night movie turned into more quickly. An unexpected and unplanned occasion, yet from then on it seemed to morph into part of the tradition.

Peter would be outright lying if he said he didn’t love it. The heated moments, the closeness, the late night conversations they had after, he loved all of it… Except for one thing.

He was undoubtedly head over heels in love with you.

Your hand brushing overs his snapped him out of his trance as you interlocked your fingers with his. In these few moments, he could at least pretend things were different.

“What do you want me to make you for breakfast?” Your soft words slipped into the comfortably silent air making his smile stretch a bit farther.

“Pancakes?” His eyes brightened at the thought of your cooking. You let out a giggle and reached up to run a hand through his slightly disheveled hair, giving him a grin and a quick nod before hopping out of bed to stroll to the kitchen as his eyes wandered over your frame.

You yanked up the sleeves of his hoodie that quite loosely hugged your body to get to work as a few moments later he approached, seating himself on a nearby counter. The pleasant quiet took place once again, a big contrast to the usual boisterous conversations that would usually fill the room.

Losing himself in his thoughts, Peter let his mind drift to you and your relationship. Not exclusive, not romantic. Just sexual nights and the tranquil mornings. Every time he would attempt to describe it, he would just come back to the phrase ‘friends with benefits’. Despite the fact it perfectly represented the situation, the thought brought him a sense of discomfort knowing that, no matter how much he would like it tom, it most likely would never become more than friends. More than simply an escape from loneliness. But nonetheless, he wouldn’t dream of giving it up. If this is the type of affection he could get, he really doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize this.

Soon enough a plate of fluffy heaven was nudged into his hands as you took a seat next to him on the counter. The silence took an awkward turn as you tried to think of something to say. You know what you wanted to say. You wanted to ask if this was still okay but couldn’t find the courage. You wanted to ask if he wanted something more, but had this nagging doubt and fear of rejection that stopped you. You were stuck.

“So… How did you sleep?”

“Pretty good. You?”

“Me too.” He pauses for a second, taking a breath before turning to look at you. “Did I… do something? I-I’m sorry but it’s usually never like this and- I- It’s just…” Even though most of it was left behind in his teen years, some of the anxiety and insecurity that he had thought he’d grown out of seeped through. Peter cursed himself internally for the way it came out.

“No! No no.” A sigh left your lips, searching for an excuse. “You didn’t do anything. Seriously.”

“Well I know you Y/N and I know when something is off. There’s something on your mind. I’ve had a feeling something was bothering you for a while now, but now I’m sure.” You didn’t have a response to that one. You couldn’t tell him. No matter how badly you wanted to tell him you couldn’t. It could ruin your friendship. What if he started to distance himself? What if he didn’t want to talk anymore? You couldn’t risk losing him over this. “Earth to Y/N? You there?” Your head snapped up realizing you hadn't said anything and shrugged.

“Nothing is wrong Peter.” You smiled as convincingly as possible. Peter didn’t believe it, but he knew he shouldn’t press it much further, realizing you wouldn’t tell him anyway. He pushed down any of the nerves rising.

“If you’re sure… Just know you can tell me anything.” ‘You mean the world to me.’ He wanted to add but held his tongue.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know Petey.” A genuine, soft smile pulled at your lips then, but your eyes held a sadness in them as you averted your gaze to your lap. He opened his mouth to speak again, stopping short when he heard his phone begin to go off somewhere in the living room and he moved quickly to retrieve it.

He nearly groaned when he heard Tony’s voice on the other side asking him to visit the tower. While Peter adored working with Mr. Stark, he was hoping for a few more minutes with you. Nevertheless, he said that he’d be there soon and quickly got his things together.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, Mr. Stark really needs my help right now. Do you want to- I mean we could-,” He cringed at the rambling and sighed trying to get actual words out as he slung his bag on his shoulders.

“I’ll call you later Pete.” You patted his cheek with a slight grin, trying to ease his worries. Your fleeting touch made him want to stay more than anything, but he pushed the thought down as he nodded and took a few steps towards the door.

You had turned around, letting the smile drop and wrapping your arms around yourself as you heard the door open. After a moment of not hearing it close, you picked up your head ready to turn around and close it yourself, thinking Peter forgot to do so. You didn’t happen to get the chance to as another set of arms wrapped around you from behind. Peter rested his chin on your shoulder, almost holding his breath, surprised at himself for being this bold. He felt your body relax in his after a minute and suddenly didn’t regret his decision. Even if you wouldn’t tell him, he would be here for you.

“I love you, Y/N.”

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #mcu #spider-man: homecoming #spiderman x reader #spiderman #tom holland x reader #tom holland #imagine #oneshot #headcanon #reader insert #x reader

[fieldbears]

Washed-Up Stucky MNF/Fic Writer Provides Endgame Opinions

I’m going to try to tackle this linearly, at least to begin with:

I am very much Team Bored With MCU Hawkeye, but I want to give sincere props for the cold open, which I think accomplished several things simultaneously: recapped the consequences of the last film (since, hey, it’s been a fuckin while), set the tone, and began Clint’s narrative arc.

That said, jesus, I’m still irritated by the shoe-horned family to begin with. First they were invented for convenience and narrative stakes, and then their final, ultimate reason for existence was to be temporarily fridged. Take a moment to imagine a world where Clint was the circus runaway loner he was supposed to be, who only had his coworkers as found family, who either responded to The Snap by throwing himself harder into his teamwork work OR went rogue because his sense of justice and agency was so fucking destroyed by what happened. He didn’t need a blood family to have the arc he had. And he didn’t even need the arc he had. But this is a bitchfest about a choice made many years ago, not made in this final movie.

The first third of that movie was rough. The whole thing had the narrative flow of “A Series of Related Short Stories Played One After the Other”, but the first third seems to be Failing To Establish the New World and then Clumsily Establishing The Emerging Situation.

The establishing shots and scenes to show the audience what The Snap’s consequences were worldwide were... lacking. It’s dark? No more baseball? People are relying on natural light instead of interior lighting, but this is also happening at Avengers HQ, where they clearly still have power and internet access to work their tech, so... was it just an aesthetic choice? I feel like the film tried to spend time showing us what the consequences were for the average New Yorker, but instead we get a weird Canonly Gay Russo Character who gave a good performance that tells us about the human loss but not about the mechanics of this new world. We get the ‘no baseball’ shot and all we get afterward are ‘people miss the missing people’. But restaurants still exist? Businesses are functioning? (Wouldn’t New York run kind of smoother if it wasn’t overpopulated?) I feel like we were invited to start thinking about how this dystopia works, but were never given answers. (There are so many interpretations of how things could go wrong if certain people just disappeared, and their knowledge/access were suddenly unavailable, and none of it was explored, even briefly, outside of establishing shots.)

The Garden Planet - it’s discovery, the traveling to it, the fight there - lacked emotional grounding in a way I find hard to explain. The audience was excited for Brie Larson being a fucking boss, and the quick execution of the grab-him-and-cut-his-arm-off plan was satisfying, but the twist and subsequent letdown was just a weird beat after a slog to get there, after waiting on a deep letdown beat from the last movie.

Last thing about flow and emotional beats, because I want to move on to character analysis, and this is a huge one for me: Clint’s fight in Tokyo and Steve’s fight with himself were some of the biggest missed opportunities in the entire film.

Not counting the football field brawl at the end, which I don’t count as a real fight scene, these are the two major fight scenes of the entire film and as far as I can tell, there was no effort made to make these showpieces. They went to the trouble of bringing Clint to Bladerunner Central, and pit him against the last bastion of aesthetic-obsessed mafia in the world. The panning camera in the interior as Hawkeye fought goons brushed past lazy fight scenes that only showed who was winning, not the brutality that Clint was supposedly falling into, not the grit of this new awful world, just... shapeless dark bodies getting thrown through windows? And on top of that, they could have made up (or picked from canon) any Big Bad to pit him against outside in the street, and we get an Orientalist sword fight that could have fit in nicely on a CW superhero show, and some of the most unnecessary exposition dialogue I have ever heard. Someone bothered to weave Clint’s arc in earlier, with Rhodey explaining to Natasha that Clint’s gone International and also Worryingly Dark. Why the fuck do we have the ‘I’ll give you anything you want’ line, on the rotten cherry on top of ‘stop being mean to the yakuza, we didn’t start it’? You already covered his motivations with the cold open.

And while Steve’s fight ended in a FABULOUSLY HEARTBREAKING WAY, the fight itself was nothing - you can pick little character details out like how they both ditched their shields almost immediately, and it was funny that Then-Steve mistook Now-Steve for Loki in the first place, but it was still a completely lost opportunity to get one true superhero battle in this three-hour slog. Both Steves could have gotten up and carried out the rest of the narrative after a decent brawl, but instead they fall a great distance after some blocked shots and it... was nothing? Missed opportunity for some cool shit.

Okay, skipping to character assessments now:

Clint’s character has been mishandled from the beginning and this seemed to be the “better late than never” eleventh hour arc. Except the end of the arc is unclear - it made sense for him to fall apart after losing his Shoehorn Family, but how did Natasha’s choice to fall do anything but fridge someone else, with more agency this time? It makes Natasha noble, which she already was, and it made her win against Clint, which I appreciate, but Natasha didn’t need salvation through death and Clint learns nothing by getting them back, just experiences relief.

Bruce. I want to say, first, that I love Hulk in a Cardigan. Cardihulk can stay. I want fanart, I want t-shirts, give me all of it. But Bruce’s explanation of “I scienced it so I could get the best of both worlds” only gives us half of the acceptance that Banner’s character is already working towards. As we saw most explicitly in Ragnarok, the Hulk isn’t just a physical form, he has his own separate consciousness, originally defined by rage but revealed to be more complicated. Bruce merging into Cardihulk seems to have... erased Hulk’s separate consciousness without merging it into himself? If there had been some acknowledgement of a second voice still within him that shot out opinions or demands for certain menu items in the diner, this would have been a much cleaner end to his arc, which has been equally messy between actor and narrative shifts.

Speaking of Ragnarok... it’s time! Are you ready? Have you read articles about the Gambit Gambit too? Are you fucking depressed that a fat suit was used for comedy gags in the year of our lord 2019? Because I was. The Russos seemed to... not struggle with what progress Ragnarok had put onto Bruce and Thor’s characters, but reject it. This movie’s Thor was anxious for laughs, was desperate for easy answers to a a feeling of lost heroism, and it didn’t feel like a familiar character. The time-travel scene with his mother wrapped it up very elegantly, and was well performed, but that scene didn’t need to follow a series of “chunky drunk in sweatpants” jokes to show us that Thor was struggling. Everyone in the film is fucking holding on by their fingernails, but only one is played for cheap laughs.

At least we get the bisexual Asgard lady king we deserved.

Tony got the right death. He got a hero’s death and Pepper’s last lines of “you can rest now” were exactly the right lines to wrap up an arc characterized by fear and a desire to protect and control at any cost. I knew the MCU was never going to really acknowledge that Tony’s The Problem, even with lines like ‘you should have let me do the fascist robot thing, that was gonna work fine’ thrown around pretty much as soon as he touches down on earth again.

I’m not sure if there’s much to say about Natasha. It was fitting that she was running HQ, that she was struggling, that she was rejecting emotional help from Steve but clearly still close with him. Seeing her break down after hearing the report on Clint felt right after, I think, being told by several directors (or making the personal acting choice? idk) to just be as flat and as decolletagey as possible. And again, while I feel like she would be self-sacrificing on that cliffisde if given the opportunity, and that she would win, the narrative choice to place her there and have that be her end didn’t really give her anything she didn’t already have. She had nothing to prove.

I have a hard time really laying out my thoughts on Steve without launching into the pregnant absence of Bucky, but I’m going to try. Chris Evans did a good job being the emotional heart of a really fractured story with a lot of conflicting pieces. Seeing him lead a talk therapy session after The Snap seemed very out of character for him until one realizes that Sam isn’t there to lead it himself. His scene offering help to Natasha was another good scene between them proving that not every m/f relationship has to be sexual to be interesting or add to the plot. His leadership speech during the Stupid Fucking Slow-Mo Heroes’ Walk to the platform was well done and makes me think of what could have been for the MCU, if they’d ever just let them be a cohesive found-family team for twenty minutes and let them fight some doom-bots or something. Fuck. Imagine.

Something weirdly satisfying about the deceitful ‘hail hydra’ line in the elevator. Yes? Yes.

The hammer scene was satisfying to me without being too gratuitous, but I’ll acknowledge that some people weren’t into it. Having paid more attention to Steve’s arc than most, I’ll argue that he earned it several times over.

His ending - that is, the secret life he alludes to but doesn’t explicitly reveal to Sam - is earned too. I’ve read at least one thing saying that Steve’s arc was all about him learning to let go, but that’s... never what Steve does. Not at the end of any arc, of any comic story, does Steve let go. Not of his principles, not of the people he loves, he is always “Thinking... Thinking About Bucky!” and getting in fights he can’t necessarily win. So I don’t think his final ending is ever Learning to Let Go. I think it’s fair that it’s Just Once, Just This One Time, Getting What You Want And Getting To Enjoy It.

And now I’m backtracking to Bucky. I’ve read one article already that theorizes that Steve’s arc, which was highly prioritized, included literally as little direct interaction with Bucky as possible because... the MCU? the Russos? Marvel?...  is aware that Steve/Bucky is the most popular same-sex ship in the MCU. And that’s tiresome as fuck but I think there’s some truth to it. I wonder if, like in Civil War, we’ll hear later from the actors that a lot of contextual one-on-one scenes were shot and then mysteriously cut from the final edit.

I will say that in my head, Bucky is relaxed when Steve goes back in time for the final time, and lets Sam goes to talk with Steve one-on-one at the bench, because Bucky is not worried if Steve will come back, and does not feel a need to check on Steve on the bench. Because, like Peggy, Bucky has been getting secret visits too. Maybe as far back as during his time in Wakanda, but certainly since the final fight with Thanos. Bucky was calm because he already knew. He didn’t miss Steve because Steve hadn’t given him an opportunity to do so.

d

#mcu #endgame #endgame spoilers #mcu spoilers

[likeanemployee]

A Mysterious Body

“There that’s the best we can do we should keep moving” Blake said as she and Yang positioned the small unmarked stone they had found to mark the grave “yeah, where’s... oh.” Yang replied solemnly spotting Weiss and Ruby as she spoke. They had gone to check if they could find... anything really, clues about what happened, other victims or maybe even survivors of whatever had befallen the stranger they had just buried. It was a strange situation and they couldn’t really afford to wait around, the man’s death and their own reactions to finding him would surely drawn in the grim. In fact they had already dispatched two beowolves who were busily investigating the body when they found it. That would suggest the man was killed by the grim which, while unfortunate, wouldn’t have been that odd except grim kills tended to be... messy and this body appeared untouched. There was absolutely no sign he had been assaulted he didn’t have so much as a scratch on him. It looked like he had been walking down the road perfectly fine one minute and then just dead the next. To make things even more weird It didn’t seem like Ruby or Weiss had found anyone or anything else and the man had been unarmed. That was really puzzling, the vast majority of Remnant had a population density of 0 and with air transport between all 4 of the major city-states not many people traveled Remnant by foot, add in the grim and no one did it alone and unarmed. So what had this guy been thinking, why had he been out here and what had happened to him? 

Ruby and Weiss had returned while Blake and Yang were working and Ruby had been just behind Yang when she asked her question. She had collected a few flowers while she and Weiss were looking around and now she laid them on the make shift grave. “It’s not enough, it never is but Blake’s right we need to keep moving the grim are probably on their way already and us hanging around brooding will only make that worse. We’re still a long way from the next village and even further from the last there’s no way we could have carried him that far this will have to do at least it’s better then nothing.” she trailed off and they all stared at the grave for another second then almost as one they sighed and turned away continuing down the small trail which was the closest thing to a road a backwater part of Remnant like this had. 

“We didn’t find anything” Weiss started almost as soon as they turned away trying to focus on the mystery rather then the death “as far as we can tell he was traveling alone with no weapon and limited supplies. He barely had enough for himself so it seems unlikely he was delivering or trading anything. Since he was alone and traveling so light my first thought would be a huntsmen traveling between villages except a huntsmen would be heavily armed and there were no reported huntsmen in the area when we took this mission. My next thought would be a villager doing the same except we’re out here in the first place because the next village over reported increased grim activity and wanted someone to come thin the local population. So why would anyone decide to take a trip alone and unarmed right now?” “they wouldn’t not unless they had no other choice and even then I would have expected some kind of rudimentary weapon a pitchfork, hammer, pickax, something to give them at least a little protection. He must have been desperate and in a hurry.” Blake replied “or stupid” Weiss followed “Weiss..” Ruby scolded “I know, I’m sorry” Weiss answered with a sigh “it’s just...” “We know too” Yang said with a compassionate half smile when Weiss hesitated “back to our little conundrum though he didn’t look like he had been in all that big of a hurry. For starters were still a good day and a half from the next village and nearly  2 from the last. That’s not the kind of journey you just rush out of the house to make without even thinking to grab something to protect yourself with. Heck, while he wasn’t overly well stocked he did have decent camp gear and enough supplies so he had to have prepared at least a little or made the journey often enough he had gear ready to run with.” she added “But if he had the gear already ready wouldn’t you think he would have a weapon too I mean woods like these aren’t really safe even at the best of times.” Ruby chimed in. “True, all put together it seems like one way or another he was at least partially prepared for the journey and chose not to bring a weapon.” Blake agreed. “Which kinda brings us back to Weiss’s theory” Yang said teasingly “I didn’t mean...!” Weiss started angrily before Yang interrupted “and I said we know. No one wants to disrespect the dead but none of us are happy it happened either and it doesn’t seem to make any sense which makes the whole thing really frustrating which can lead to intemperate responses, trust me I know a thing or two about that, and the thing is while we can all agree it feels really wrong to call the dead man stupid the truth is, to the best of our knowledge he made a serious mistake. I mean how many grim have we killed while we’ve been traveling, a lot, coming out here right now unarmed and alone it’s basically suicide.” “you don’t think...?” Blake said her face turning white as Weiss’s clothes that possibility hadn’t occurred to her or from the look on their other team members faces to anyone else yet “maybe” Yang said after a moment “I didn’t really mean it that way and hadn’t really thought about it but it would explain a few things.” 

They all paused looking at each other with thoughtfully worried expressions while they processed the new possibility. Blake spoke up at last “I’m not sure I can even imagine being in that state of mind but it seems like a complicated way to...do something like that. Wandering around the woods hoping to run into some grim or what wait till you starve I don’t mean to be overly dark here but that seems, slow, unpredictable, and likely very painful. Plus, what if someone ran into him or someone realized he was missing and went looking and tried to save him. I don’t know it just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.” “I’m not sure that that can ever make sense” Weiss said a bit harshly “but sometimes these things are in part a call for help, maybe he was hoping someone would find him, save him.” Ruby cast a quick questioning glance at Weiss but she let the thought pass it was for another more private time. “I’m still bothered by the lack of wounds” Yang put in unaware of Ruby’s reaction. “Even if this guy wanted this to happen, which I still don’t think we can say definitively, we don’t know what actually happened to him. If this was a grim kill it was unlike any grim I’ve ever heard of.” 

“It could have been some kind of poison.” Weiss offered as they all started walking onward again, “maybe I didn’t see any obvious signs of poisoning and no fangs or sting marks where he may have been injected but none of us are experts on poison. If the puncture was fairly small there’s a decent chance we missed it all together or he may have eaten something which might not leave any external signs at all in either case it’s entirely possible he was poisoned and we just couldn’t tell.” Blake replied “This isn’t getting us anywhere” Ruby complained “We can’t really know anything for sure. Let’s just make sure we all know everything we do know and let it go until we can get to the next village and ask around.” the rest of the team nodded agreement “Ok so there was no sign anything was wrong in the last village except they were worried about the same increase in grim activity as the next village is reporting. We found a man dead a little over half way between the villages with no visible wounds, the man was alone and unarmed. Despite this he had decent supplies and seemed to be at least somewhat prepared for a short journey. His motivations are unclear as is the nature of his death we have no evidence to suggest he was poisoned however we can’t role it out either especially considering the lack of visible injuries. Finally, natural causes seems unlikely the man appeared to be of no more then middle age and in reasonable shape. anything else?” Ruby asked as she finished her summation. “No I think that was about all the natural causes thing was a good addition and it was all surprisingly concise I’m actually kind of impressed.” Weiss answered earning a happy “Thanks!” from Ruby “I just start watching this new cop show the main detective is super cool and...” Ruby rambled on with the others chiming in or teasing her occasionally as they all continued on to the next village and hopefully some answers 

#rwby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #Blake Belladonna #Team RWBY #I'm trying something a little different with this we'll see how it goes #it might be bad

[eurosong]

Undo my ESC - Semi-final 1

Hey there, folks – with this year having so many ESC national finals with results that I personally found lamentable, I thought I’d do a little write-up, Undo my ESC, where I take this year’s entrants and make a feasible change, anything as small as tinkering with a few minor touches or as big as another person winning the national final completely.  Obviously, just my opinion and a light-hearted review, but I hope the people that always unfollow this page because they disagree with something I say on the few occasions I go into personal opinions stop reading here. Let’s take a look, first, at Semi-Final 1. Azerbaijan: she’s a jazz and soul singer. Get her singing a song in one of these styles that is comfortable to her! If the Azeris really think they wouldn’t have a chance with these genres, then they haven’t been paying attention to the last few winners of the contest. Even if she didn’t emulate them, she’d surely get to the final with their qualification rate, and would have more of a chance of standing out than with this generic “bop” (my most hated overused word of this season.) Iceland: Iceland this year may have sent the song with the most excruciatingly hackneyed lyrics in several years. Take a Hallmark card poem, drown it in treacle and you have an idea of how syrupy and twee the song is, almost as if they were some pretty bad satirists trying to write an over-the-top “humankind is one” pastiche song. I didn’t really pay much heed to Söngvakkepnin this year – finding their offerings a tame lot compared to recent years, like the excellent showdown between Svala and Daði Freyr last year – so I don’t have a horse to back, but since Í stormi was winning the contest televote before the superfinal, in this alternate timeline, I will have it win instead. Albania: This song is as close to perfection almost as you can get to me. Some people don’t like the revamped version, but – after what feels like an entire era of bad revamping – I like it and think it makes the song melodically tighter. I guess my change would be that Eugent would get the visa needed to attend the pre-parties, as he really needs all the exposure he can get to get out of this semi-final of death. Belgium: A really nice effort from Belgium, with Flanders stepping it up a gear to match the Walloons’ quality over the past years. Not sure how to change it, except to perhaps incorporate some Dutch in there? The separation of broadcasters made sense when Wallonia was sending songs in French and Flanders in Vlaams, not so much now when they’re both sending English songs. It’d be nice to hear the first bit of Dutch from Belgium since 1996 in, for example, one of the reprises of the choruses. Czechia: The Czechs surprised a lot of onlookers by joining the wave away from internal selections and towards national finals, but there was only ever going to be one winner here, Mikolas Jozef, whose song soared above an otherwise weak crowd melodically – but not lyrically! Even his new “family friendly” version for the ESC feels sleazy, misogynistic, and raises a bunch of questions that I definitely wouldn’t want to have to explain to my students. My change would be that he take the opportunity of writing a new set of lyrics to write something to go much better with the admittedly catchy score. Lithuania: This is gorgeous on every level and is soaring up my personal chart. Ieva’s vocals, powerful in their delicacy, are really moving and add to the poignancy of the lyrics. I originally found the English version sorely lacking compared to Kai myliu, but they have a certain understated simplicity and naïveté that I find lovely. She’s letting the words speak for themselves and I love that. My one change? Make it bilingual and add some Lithuanian to the mix, something she did in the final but is unclear whether she’ll replicate on the big stage.

Israël: Netta was rightfully the breakout star of the Israëli preselection, and having seen interviews of her, she seems genuinely lovely. I wouldn’t change her as the representative picked, but I wóúld go for a different song. Listening to or watching “Toy”, for me, feels like sensory overstimulation, like entering a room with a blur of a thousand noises and flashing lights. It feels too try-hard for me, like they want to be the memetic entry of the year, which some people will vote for just because of the chicken memes rather than the musical value of the piece. I also think that trying to posture it as a #!MeToo anthem is the biggest reach since Brisa Fenoy’s acclamation of Lo Malo. Belarus: As much as I’ve come to ironically appreciate the song and Alekseev’s bizarre accentuation, Farevvahh doesn’t hold a candle to Chmarki for me, which would have been a second unusual and unique pick for Belarus. Estonia: Eesti Laul was a bit of a dud for me this year, unlike the previous year where I loved Spirit Animal and Slingshot liked almost every song in the final -except for the eventual winner (my luck in a nutshell, there.) My pick would have been the sweeping and otherworldly Külm, which would have brought about an overdue return to the exceedingly musical Estonian language at Eurovision. If we have to keep Elina, give her a song (rather than a vocal exhibition) in Estonian, a language whose vocalic richness is perfectly suited for operatics. Bulgaria: The thing letting this darkly atmospheric piece down the most is the female vocalist, Žana Bergendorff, who doesn’t add much to the five-piece combo and has done very little except for gawp distractingly at the crowd in live performances. Bulgaria’s broadcasters teased much bigger names… I would have had them follow through on them. Macedonia: I’ve really grown to like this song from Macedonia, though on first listen – and those first impressions are crucial for folk who haven’t been listening to the songs for months in advance – it seemed a bit messy rather than the musical odyssey I currently consider it to be. It’s a risk, but I’d leave the composition as it is – except for inserting some of the supposed Macedonian we might have got. Croatia: Go back in time and tell Franka not to make a version of Sam Brown’s “Stop” with trap beats? Austria: Another composition that I can barely find fault with and really like. I love the light and shade of this – the dark and despairing verses offset by the build of the bridge and the upbeat, gospel-twinged verses. Only a special voice could pull that off, but Cesár’s husky and soulful timbre is perfect for both. The only part of the song where my attention flags is between the 2nd and 3rd choruses, where I think a fully-fledged third verse would be more interesting. Greece:  Actually have a national final. Don’t eliminate all but one song in the shadiest way possible. And have the winner be Don’t forget the sun/ Μην ξεχνασ τον ηλιο, which I feel brought a truly Greek atmosphere and combined English and Greek effortlessly, avoiding the clunkiness that bilingual songs often have. Finland: I would rather have had a proper UMK with more than one candidate, rather than what we got, 3 songs from Saara Aalto, which doesn’t represent that much choice. If that were impossible – as it seemed YLE was dead set on that path – then I’d probably have gone with Domino instead. Monsters is, musically, a more interesting piece and doesn’t have the atrocious rhyming of “falling, oh” with “domino” (troolee jeenyus riming), but her performance of Domino was considerably less shaky, and I find the chorus a bit gratingly shrill. Armenia: I love that Armenia are sending a song in their beautiful native language, and Qami is a grower with mystical and poetic lyrics. But I can’t lie – I much preferred If you don’t walk me home and would have it win Depi Evratesil instead. Switzerland: I’m going to be honest: in the last few years, I haven’t expected much out of Switzerland except for “non-qualifier” fodder, having brought us only 3 songs I like (Cool vibes, Unbreakable and especially the verbosely charming Hunter of Stars. Come back, Sebalter!) … since their last victory in 1988! I don’t mind Stones, even if I think it’s pop that’s rolled around in the mud a bit to present itself as grungey. However, there was something truly beautiful and stirring in the selection, Chiara Dubey’s “Secrets and Lies”, which seemed elegantly pared back despite also having something of an orchestral flourish. And her voice, as smooth as velvet, crowning the composition. Unfortunately, it had no chance… but I would make it my personal winner of the Swiss selection. Ireland: Ireland’s song this year is not daring or likely to make a splash, but quite lovely, with beautiful harmonies. I find the representative this year to be very unctuous and shifty though, especially his fake news about his video – whence I imagine most of the hype comes from, representing his song about a boy and girl breaking up with a romantic interpretive dance between two fellas falling in love, naturally – that he propagated against Russia.  Cyprus: Just no on every level to the current package, one of my absolute least favourites this year. I’d have a national selection with some Greek language songs. Whilst I begrudge how ERT handled their “national final” fiasco, at least they made a few steps in the right direction. This is the equivalent of flying half way around the world in the wrong direction. And the direct finalists voting in this semi-final:  Portugal: Whilst I have grown to find Isaura’s meditative song about the loss of her gran quite an extraordinary and emotive listen, I found this year’s Festival da canção of great quality and diversity and would have preferred Beatriz’ Eu te amo, Diogo Piçarra’s Canção do fim, or even better, Janeiro’s “(sem título)” as the host nation’s entry. Spain: This is one of my huge favourites this year, so I can pick little fault with it at all, though I think I prefer their pre-revamp version, which was a little more subtle in its lack of additional adornments. United Kingdom: The only thing I was happy about when it came to the result of You Decide, (which should be renamed You decide 50%, a jury decides the rest and we never tell you who réálly was decisive!) was that this prevented the more hideous hymn of unwarranted self-aggrandisement that was “Legends” from getting the ticket. But the eventual winning song, and especially the revamp, which sounds like the producers got bored and let their six year old kid go wild on a Casio, is such a wet weekend for me, especially when it was up against a soaring voice and poignant set of lyrics in Jaz Ellington’s “You”. 

So, that’s my summary of what I consider to be by far the stronger semi-final of this year’s Eurovision, and where only a few of my changes needed to be drastic. Join me soon to go through SF2, as I navigate a nearly wall-to-wall litany of horrors and share how I would like to try to right them!

#eurovision #esc 2018 #eurovision song contest #review #opinion #eurovision 2018

[quietkeith]

Some Thoughts on “Ace Inclusion”

tw: heterosexism, cissexism, anti-aceness, anti-queerness, sexual assault, rape culture, medical abuse

Heads up: the rest is in a read more because it is incredibly long!

x.) Preface I’ll begin with the disclaimer that I haven’t spent a tonne of time looking at the state of the ace discourse on Tumblr, simply because what little I’ve seen seems incredibly polarised and extremely lacking in nuance.

I’ll also add that I’m not ace. I’m trans nonbinary and am both romantically and sexually attracted to people of a variety of genders. (This is just to give you some sense of my authorial positionality; let’s leave talking about the merits and pitfalls of the split-attractions model, the cisnormativity of existing vocabulary surrounding sexual orientation, and other such matters aside for the moment, just so that the scope of this post remains somewhat manageable. These things are important and interesting, and we should totally talk about them, too; I just can’t discuss everything in one post!)

I also feel like I should acknowledge that this post will in all likelihood draw something of a binary between LGBT people and ace people. I recognise that there are ace LGBT people, and that their positions within this discourse are extremely diverse. I’m assuming this binary not because I deny that LGBT ace people exist, but because the current discourse seems to already be highly polarised into LGBT and cisheteroromantic/sexual ace, and the LGBT ace folks caught between this really seem to take either “side” in this discourse depending on their own politics and positionalities.

Similarly, I’m generally subsuming both asexual and aromantic people under the single term “ace”. I realise that asexual and aromantic folks’ situations have both commonalities and divergences within this discourse, so you can assume that I’ll try my best to say “ace” when I’m speaking about asexual and aromantic people collectively, and try to write out “asexual” or “aromantic” in full when I want to specifically refer to one or the other in particular.

Lastly, I apologise if my writing style is overly-academic or verbose. I’ll try to be to-the-point and keep my language accessible, but I acknowledge that I’m not always great at doing this. (There’s a very, very abstracted tl;dr in bold toward the end of this post, if that’s useful.) One particular bit of language I feel I should point out is that I avoid using “-phobia” terms because they are ableist, remove accountability from oppressors, and individualise/privatise systems of oppression that are better understood as social/public phenomena. As a result, I try to use the terms “heterosexism”, “cissexism”, “anti-aceness”, and “anti-queerness” in place of “homophobia”, “transphobia”, “aphobia”, and “queerphobia” respectively. Feel free to let me know through a reply, message, or ask, if anything I’ve written is unclear or needlessly complicated and I’ll try rephrasing it, offering clarification, or something! In a similar vein, I welcome call outs and the like, and even a measure of anger in said call outs; I’m still learning and am bound to make mistakes as I go. However, I also want to stress that I’m not claiming to know everything, nor am I claiming that my politics are perfect, and I’m mostly looking to spark more nuanced dialogue through this post -- not provide a singular manifesto to end the entire discourse forever. Please try to frame call outs and corrections with this in mind!

So, with that out of the way, on to the actual substance.

1.) Why is the state of the discourse is so bad right now? (Or, why we shouldn’t necessarily hate each other for the hateful things we’ve read.)

Needless to say, discourse on Tumblr about whether or not ace people are a part of the queer community rarely results in people leaving feeling like they’ve gotten anything out of it and actually engaged in meaningful communication. Mostly, it seems like LGBT folks and ace folks are just mutually spewing hate at each other.

At the most basic level, this might have to do with the fact that the users involved in this discourse are often pretty young on the one hand, and too emotionally exhausted to have a nuanced political dialogue on the other. 

The result of this is firstly that ace users struggle to articulate the concrete oppressions they face. Secondly, LGBT users maintain a facile notion of what constitutes queerness and whom the queer movement ought to serve; this ultimately devolves into identity policing and setting up standards for who is “queer enough” to be part of the queer community.

These issues are made worse by the fact that both ace and LGBT folks urgently need resources that are not being adequately provided, which make us quicker to throw other groups under the bus if we think they might redirect resources we need to survive away from us.

So when we see really bad discourse on Tumblr, we need to always remember that these are often vent posts by young people in very hard situations, and so will not necessarily be the most balanced or articulate takes on the issues at hand. 

Heterosexism, anti-aceness, and cissexism historically have been, and continue to be, so closely linked that it may be argued that they are actually just different manifestations of a broader system of oppression -- “anti-queerness”. (For an example of how anti-aceness and heterosexism are linked, I came across an excellent post that I am unfortunately not being able to dig up again, describing how lesbian and ace women in England used to be discursively treated as the same thing by non-ace cishets; they oppressed both, and oftentimes did not draw any distinction between the two.) When we situate the current fracturing, hatred and conflict between LGBT and ace folks within the context of anti-queer oppression, it’s not a stretch to say that this fragmentation and lack of solidarity is intentionally produced by our oppressors, and that we’re playing right into their hands; we should try to have goodwill for each other, if only because that is the last thing our oppressors want us to do.

So, hopefully having established at least a provisional goodwill between ace and LGBT stakeholders in this discourse, I’m now going to try and argue that ace folks do indeed face oppression, and that the queer movement should include ace folks in principle (or at the very least should not only concern itself with LGBT issues, as some have proposed) -- that a queer movement that fails to do so will ultimately fail to bring about lasting sexual liberation for anyone, including LGBT folks. In the process, I will also try to address practical concerns that have been raised about feasibility, availability of resources, and so forth.

2.) So ace people face systemic oppression

Not long ago, I wasn’t convinced that heteroromantic/sexual ace folks faced systemic oppression, and ace blogs on Tumblr didn’t really do a great job of convincing me either; the blogs focused largely on lack of recognition, representation, and visibility, which are definitely issues but do not constitute the same levels of urgent systemic oppression that LGBT folks face; the kind that causes lasting trauma and possibly (read: far too fucking often) death.

However, after thinking about it at greater length and having several discussions about this with other people around me, I realised that there are systemic violences that ace folks face that are far more pressing.

One thing I was thinking about was the fact that, at least within the subcontinental, Western European, and North American settings in which I am situated, rape culture is pervasive. This makes asexual folks particularly vulnerable to sexual assault (and even more so if these asexual folks are women -- irrespective of whether they are cis or trans). It would not surprise me if asexual folks are pressured/guilted/coerced into having sex within the context of intimate relationships, and that sexually abusive partners would be viewed with understanding by society at large because they would be seen as simply getting the sex that they’re entitled to as intimate partners. In a similar vein, if an asexual person went to, say, a therapist or crisis support person after facing this kind of sexual abuse, they would in all likelihood be told that this was not abuse, and that they are being selfish and perhaps even that they are the one being abusive by “withholding sex”. We already know that in non-ace contexts, people who do not engage in regular sex with intimate partners are expected to set aside their own comfort to satisfy their partners; how many people, especially women, have been told by their marriage counselors that their marriage suffering was not a result of their partners’ lack of understanding or sense of entitlement, but a result of their “selfish refusal” to fuck? A culture that demands sex will enact systemic violence against everybody, sure, but asexuals in particular will be especially vulnerable (at a fundamental systemic level) to the violences that rape culture brings about, in ways that cishet non-asexuals are not, which suggests that simply equating cisheterosexual/romantic ace people with non-ace cishets is inaccurate, and that ace folks’ unique vulnerability to sexual assault is an example of systemic anti-aceness in society. I should add that this extends beyond the context of long-term intimate partner relationships. For instance, I wouldn’t be surprised if people who are out as asexual (again, especially women) would be targeted for “corrective rape” in non-intimate settings in much the same way that LGBT folks (and especially lesbians) are.

The cultural prescription that people will have sex (within the norms of romantic heterosexual monogamy) also sets ace people up to face medical abuse. In the context of contemporary medicine and psychology, not feeling sexual or romantic attraction would often be seen as pathology. In either case, ace people may be pressured into “treatments” for their lack of sexual or romantic attraction, all the while being subject to various diagnoses that view them as flawed on account of their sexualities. I wouldn’t be surprised if aces have been diagnosed as narcissists, psychopaths, or as having various personality disorders simply on account of their being ace. Besides the fact that these “treatments” would themselves probably be extremely harmful, this also means that ace people have to be careful navigating the medical system in a way that cishet non-aces do not because if they’re honest with their doctors about their sexualities, they will be vulnerable to medical abuse.

(I should note here, that I recognise that there are people who lose sexual or romantic attraction as a result of trauma or mental illness; I am by no means arguing that these people should not have access to treatment, or that the medical system should just tell these people they are “ace and valid” and reinforce behaviours that are causing them harm and distress. Rather, I am arguing that the medical system should not assume that anyone who does not want sex or romance is always in need of treatment and must necessarily be engaging in harmful or distressing behaviour, because some people will just be ace and attempting to treat those people will do them harm where they would otherwise have been fine. The medical system must work harder when faced with patients who don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction, to establish whether this is a symptom of a pathology, or simply a benign feature of the patients sexuality.)

Furthermore, being continuously made to feel like one is failing as an intimate partner, as well as aware of the fact that mainstream science and culture views being asexual or aromantic as pathological, must give rise to internalised feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, brokenness, abjection, etc. in much the same way that internalised heterosexism or cissexism cause extreme detriment to the mental, emotional, spiritual -- and by extension physical -- wellbeings of LGBT folks.

I’m sure that there are a multitude of other ways in which ace people face systemic oppression and violence. However, I believe the claims I have made above that ace folks’ sexualities make them vulnerable to sexualised violence and medical abuse as a systemic feature of cisheterosexist society’s expectation that cisheterosexuality will manifest in sexual and romantic forms is already sufficient to say that ace folks do face systemic oppression irrespective of whether or not they are cisheterosexual/romantic. This means that anti-aceness is a meaningful concept and a social reality, and that cisheterosexual/romantic aces are not completely equatable with non-ace cishets insofar as access to power and privilege are concerned. If we view anti-aceness as just one manifestation of a broader anti-queerness, then the question of whether ace folks should be included in the queer community is now an important question, whose answer is not necessarily a self-evident “no”.

3.) Radical queerness and LGBT liberalism (Or, why ace folks must be included in queer movements if we want to ever see liberation for anybody at all)

All of the arguments that I’ve really heard from LGBT folks against ace inclusion can ultimately be brought down to the following:

i.) cisheterosexual/romantic ace people don’t experience oppression.

ii.) the queer movement is about gay and trans liberation, not about including any and all “deviant”/”weird” sexualities.

iii.) including ace people is a practical impossibility because resources are inadequate and would get redirected away from relatively more-oppressed LGBT folks towards relatively less-oppressed ace folks.

I already addressed the first point above, so I’m just going to go forward with the premise that anti-aceness is in fact a social reality, since that’s already been established. In this section, I’m going to focus on the second point, and address the third in the next section.

While queer and LGBT are used practically interchangeably today, this has not historically been the case. Especially within a North American context, queer activism emerged from anarchist sex radicals who opposed sexual normativities as part of a broader anarchist politics. Meanwhile, LGBT is a more recent development; it is a liberal movement that seeks to assimilate lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans people into the existing statist, nationalist, and capitalist system of power. A couple of practical examples of how the queer and LGBT movements differ, just to make what I’m getting at clearer:

i.) The queer movement is anti-police and anti-capitalist, as seen in the Stonewall riots. (In case anyone is doubting this, Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P Johnson, who were both highly involved in the Stonewall riots and the organising that took place immediately after, were the founders of Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries -- as the “revolutionaries” part of its name suggests, this was an organisation with an explicitly anarchist agenda. Rivera later faced repudiation within the mainstream LGBT community because of her criticisms of LGBT assimilationism and “respectability politics”, especially with regard to the New York Pride Parade.) In contrast, the LGBT movement embraces both policing and capitalism, as illustrated by the presence of police floats and increasing corporatisation of pride parades.

ii.) The queer movement is anti-state and anti-military, with many queer activists for instance critiquing marriage (insofar as it is overseen by the state), as well as militaristic agendas that use cisheterosexism as a propaganda tool to demonise “enemies of the state” on the one hand, and which kill queer “enemies of the state” on the other. Meanwhile, the LGBT movement has centralised state-legitimised same-sex marriage as a political objective in recent years, to the extent that it’s sometimes made to seem like once same-sex marriage is allowed, that is the end of all cisheterosexism. The LGBT movement has also advocated for LGBT folks’ “right” to serve in the military, often framing this in terms of a desire to engage in patriotic citizenship and serve the nation-state.

More importantly to what I’m getting at in this post, the queer movement has historically been critical of identity politics (including its own) and has been wary of policing who is “queer enough” to belong within the queer movement. This is because the queer movement does not simply try to reform existing sexual normativities or replace them with new ones that are less oppressive towards LGBT folks, but rather tries to do away with any sexual normativities whatsoever; the arbitrary hierarchies of sexual normativities are thought to invariably give rise to oppression, irrespective of what those normativities happen to be in particular. In contrast, the LGBT movement sees reform as the best way to combat LGBT oppression, and is concerned neither with how intersections of race, class, ability, etc. will make those reforms only empowering to privileged quarters of the LGBT community, nor of how a reformist, assimilationist LGBT movement will invariably throw other groups (such as ace folks, indigenous folks, non-white folks, immigrants, people with non-Western genders or sexualities, and so forth) under the bus in pursuit of empowerment within a current system that is fundamentally oppressive.

In light of this, when LGBT folks say that the queer community is only for LGBT folks, they are conflating the queer and LGBT movements and engaging in “are you queer enough?” style policing that is antithetical to queer principles. This conflation -- and similarly the recent framing of queer as a slur at the expense of decades of reclamation work -- is not accidental, and is a calculated move by the liberal LGBT movement to coopt, and thereby stamp out, more radical forms of queerness that present an obstacle to their assimilationist agenda. And before anyone accuses me of reaching, I’d like to point to an example of this; the infamous Stonewall Uprising (2010) movie erased Marsha P Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, and other non-white queers, only interviewed “respectable” white queers, and finishes with the interviewees claiming that participating in the Stonewall riots was (to loosely paraphrase from memory) “the most American thing they’ve ever done” despite the fact that the riots were in opposition to the American state and its fundamental cisheterosexism. If that doesn’t represent a calculated (and highly invested) effort to coopt radical queerness into the liberal LGBT movement, I don’t know what does. Buying into this liberal LGBT coopting of radical queerness by agreeing with their conflation of queer and LGBT will foreclose any possibility for radical sexual liberation; the only way forward will be assimilation in to the existing ableist, racist, militaristic, capitalist nation-state and attaining a conditional, provisional, extremely precarious set of rights that can be withdrawn or ignored at any time by a nation-state that is still at its heart cisheterosexist. And of course, that way will only be open to a very small number of us who have the adequate intersection of privileges to survive. (In other words, if we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of policing who is “queer enough”, then we start creating a new set of sexual normativities which, although they might not be the same as the ones the nation-state currently uses to oppress us, are also oppressive in different ways nonetheless. Take, for example, the way that “nonbinary enough” has often come to mean a thin, young, white, androgynous/masculine-presenting person -- to the detriment of anyone who doesn’t fit that new gender prescription. The new gender prescription might alter the the logics of cissexism by challenging the gender binary, but it still systemically sanctions cissexism against anyone who isn’t nonbinary in the “right” way and so ultimately leaves cissexism in tact.)

Meanwhile, to address the concern that ace inclusion will imply being inclusive of any and all “weird” or “deviant” sexualities, I should add that I am by no means advocating that this should be the case, and there is no reason why this would have to follow from ace inclusion. Pedophiles, rapists, and abusers, for instance, are (rightly) not validated, celebrated, represented, advocated, or welcomed in the queer movement. The queer movement challenges sexual normativities insofar as these normativities create arbitrary hierarchies that give rise to systemic oppressions, but that doesn’t mean that the queer movement is uncritical of relations of power vested in sexuality, nor does it mean that it condones sexualised violence. Including ace folks would not change this.

4.) This is all nice in theory, but what about in practice? (Or, why scarcity of resources is not a valid justification for ace exclusion)

Let’s assume that my reasoning in the previous sections is sound, and we cannot have radical sexual liberation for anyone unless the queer movement includes ace folks (since I just argued exactly this in all of the above lol). Now, firstly, this means that no matter how scarce our resources are, LGBT and ace folks must stand in solidarity as a single queer community because it is the only way towards liberation. 

That being said, the fear of scarce resources also seems somewhat misplaced. Let’s take an example; the concern that ace inclusion will mean that ace folks will take beds in shelters that would otherwise have gone to LGBT folks.

Firstly, it seems overly simplistic to say that ace inclusion is all or nothing; including ace folks doesn’t necessarily mean giving them access to all queer spaces all the time. Even within LGBT, services specifically and exclusively for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and trans people respectively exist; this in no way detracts from the inclusion of any of these groups within the queer movement, and makes perfect sense in light of the specific needs of these separate quarters of the queer community. So if we find that homelessness is a problem for ace folks in a way that is comparable to the extent that it is a problem for LGBT folks, then ace folks would be entitled to those beds as fellow queers who have been rendered systemically homeless by anti-queerness. On the other hand, if we find that anti-aceness does not manifest specifically as homelessness in the way that cisheterosexism does, then shelters in particular could be LGBT-specific in light of the fact that this resource is particularly direly needed by LGBT folks.

Secondly, there seems to be a fear that if cisheterosexual/romantic ace folks are allowed into queer shelters, this would represent cishets invading queer spaces. This rests on the mistaken belief that cisheterosexual/romantic ace folks are equal to non-ace cishets in terms of power and privilege, which I’ve already argued is false. While comparisons of ace-exclusion to transmysogyny are overdone -- and themselves often transmysogynistic -- the fear that  cisheterosexual/romantic ace folks will “invade” queer spaces is similar to TERFs fearing that trans women will “invade” women’s spaces on the basis of the incorrect belief that trans women are “basically men”. Non-ace cishets do try to enter queer spaces, and we must resist this, but we have to be discerning in doing so lest we make queer spaces inaccessible to people who also face anti-queer oppression.

Thirdly, while including ace folks might mean that we have more people in need of resources within the queer community, we should always remember that we have always been our own resource so having more people will bring more resources with it. Practically nobody has historically looked out for the queer community or given it resources other than the queer community itself; we have largely survived by virtue of our own intra-community solidarity and mutual aid. So if ace folks are included, it’s not like the queer movement would suddenly find itself short of provisions and have to go ask some third party overseer like the state to give us more; that’s what liberal LGBT reformists would have to do. Rather, the queer movement would celebrate the fact that we now have the added intelligence, support, kindness, money, skills, etc. of these newly-included people, because our resources primarily come from within our own community. Ace folks might need access to some of our resources sometimes, but they’ll contribute to our community just like any of the rest of us. And if we do ever need to lobby a more powerful third party for stuff, wouldn’t having more people at the sit-in be a good thing? Saying we shouldn’t include ace folks because they’re a drain on resources sounds like a loosely similar rhetoric to people who say we shouldn’t provide welfare because poor people or people with disabilities are a “drain” on society; people need resources, but the ultimate point of having a community is that we’re stronger together and benefit from our solidarity. (Also, communities that think violence against community members in the name of the “greater good” of the community is justified are very possibly cryptofascist, since fascism rests on the same moral philosophy.)

x.) Closing remarks

tl;dr: Anti-aceness is real, and is a form of anti-queerness, alongside cisheterosexism. The queer movement must therefore include ace folks lest it be coopted into LGBT liberal assimilationism. Including ace folks will not necessarily make resources inaccessible to LGBT folks, and might even make resources more abundant.

In closing, I want to stress again that I’m still learning stuff, and that this is intended to be neither exhaustive nor immune to criticism. There is a pressure on Tumblr to never be called out, to always be the most politically informed and aware, and this kind of virtue signalling often impedes us from having conversations where the language is still very much being made up as we go along, from forming stronger bonds of solidarity, from learning from one another, and from surviving in more effective and fulfilling ways within our communities. I hope I’ve raised a few useful things here, and that this sparks some good conversations.

Finally, I haven’t proofread this very thoroughly. I’ve pretty much casually written an essay here and I’m tired. I figure if there’s anything wrong, I can fix it later, and if there’s anything I’ve missed, I can always either add that or make another post dealing with it later. This isn’t a formal academic piece, after all. Besides, I would hope that having a few mistakes or incorrectly worded things wouldn’t detract so much from the thrust of what I’m saying here!

#ace discourse #queer #lgbt #long post #the discourse

[daeris-cosplay]

Time for an Elizabeth Swann WIP post

It has been way too long since I made a post like this! Granted though, in the entire year of 2017 I only made this costume, so there was little to write, This year was crazy, so many things of life happened, I just had no energy to make anything. Anyways, I had been a sleeping member of the Dutch Pirate Crew for a year, and with no pirate dresses to fit the group, I really needed that to change. And so project number five was born!

Overdress

What a wild ride this pattern was. Maggie’s write-up from thecostumersguide.com (here) was the best help I could have found. I did not go with the suggested Butterick pattern, I grabbed a historically accurate pattern for a Robe á l’Anglaise by J.P. Ryan. This dress is zipperless, and closes in the front with hooks and eyes. The actual dress has an additional diagonal seam in the front panel, and the back seams are princess seams instead of the back seams the pattern came with, but other than that, it’s a really close match! I went with 6,5 metres of this gorgeous burgundy silk that appears red in artifical light and reddish purple in natural light. (as you can see, I use Instagram a lot these days, pictured here is my lining) 

My skirt is essentially a rectangle of three times the fabric width. I realised too late I wanted a short train on the dress so the middle panel is a bit bumpy. I would recommend a more gradual curve. The straight line was attached to the bodice lining by hand. First attach the burgundy layer, as this is the outer layer. Just pleat the hell out of it until the entire width fits your bodice waist.

Do note that historically, this dress should be worn with a bum roll, bum pad or panniers. Adjust the waist seam according to your undergarments. For the cosplay, I don’t wear a bum pad, but for a historical costuming event I will definitely wear the dress with both stays and a bum pad. 

But I’m drifting off topic. The bodice and the skirt shape are the easiest parts of this dress. The sleeves are an absolute pain and the literal definition of hell. The pair of sleeves that ended up in my dress are the third pair. First, I went with a pleated rectangle. Didn’t work out, because the rectangle doesn’t fit in the dress. Eventually I went with a massively stretched bishop sleeve, which seemed to do the trick. I still think I could have stretched it even more, with more fabric the sleeves become even more lush and piratey.

After assembling the sleeve, there are three pleats in the sleeve under the golden trim. I don’t know if it actually serves a purpose, but my pleats fell out after my first event and I haven’t gotten around to fix them. 

Another pleat / gathering is to be done in the skirt. I had no access to my mannequin when making this gather, so I roughly measured where my skirt was at kneeslength and pulled that up to mid-thigh, where the side seam would have been if you had one. I would have measured it if I would have done this carefully. Check the undergarments photo for a clear side view of the overskirt. 

Next, the overdress has a black underlayer. I used cotton and a swirly lace overlay, the original has a texture that looks like many ribbons are applied to the fabric, but honestly I think every black fabric is fine as long as it isn’t shiny.

I took two fabric widths for the underlayer of the skirt, with the lace overlay only on the front side of the skirt. The black skirt also attaches to the lining of the bodice, however, this skirt ends at the opening of the bodice (in the middle), whereas the burgundy skirt opens at the hips, where your princess seam would have been if you had one. 

As you can see, the black part of the dress also extends to the top of the bodice. I did not make an entire second bodice, but made a rectangular inlay of the layered fabrics, finished with fine black lace. I also inserted a bone in the seam allowance of the closure to add strength to the hooks and eyes that would be added on in the middle and to prevent the wrinkling that is already happening in this photo. You can also choose to make a full black dress, with a burgundy overlay. It’s unclear in the film how this dress is shaped, so I went with a heat-friendly version of a silk lined bodice with a cotton inlay. 

The inside of the burgundy panel was both lined with silk lining and with fine black lace. This is also the moment where you cry about the amount of trims that need to go on this dress: the major part goes around the neckline, the front closure and the bottom of the bodice, a part around the armpits, a part on the bottom of the sleeves and two short pieces on the back seams. Then the burgundy skirt is finished with black lace with another, broader golden trim on top. I also added a trim on the black skirt for a rich finish.

Then there are a total of ten decorative frogs, involving seven golden buttons (I handpainted them). I was unable to find a picture of my finished frogs, because I hurried them the night before the con (I have zero planning skills). The gold button is in the middle. Extending from there is a piece of black elastic, ending in a point. the flat side is decorated with a chinese frog (that’s what I got, you can also make your own, but it takes an endless amount of time for ten pieces). The pointy side of the elastic is then decorated with two black mini buttons. I placed the four on my bodice over my shoulder seams, two more at the top of my hooks and eyes, and there should go two per sleeve right under the horizontal pleating. The sleeve is then finished with some beige lace. (mine was done too hastily, I need to get it redone, because my lace is super tiny).

Underdress

If you thought you were done, you are wrong! You do have an overdress, but what’s the use if you have no rum shift?

You can obviously dirty it all the much you want if you are wearing it without the plum dress. 

I made the mistake of making this monster without a pattern, so the fit is horrible and my skirt is nowhere near as wide as I would like it to be. I just did two panels with two godets (because Keira has that too and I didn’t want to overspend on my shift, unfortunately I am not a little stick like Keira is, so I would definitely recommend using a pattern. I would have gone with magic pattern Simplicity 1551). The sleeves have an obvious seam on top, so you could either make a two piece sleeve, or a one piece sleeve with the seam on top instead of out of sight, which is what I did for mine. 

I still think my first rope was a little bit too thick, so I got some other cotton thread. The one in this picture is 3mm, whereas my newer one is just 1mm. I think 2mm is the perfect width of the thread needed. Mine was thin enough not to sew any eyelets, but the wider the thread, the more you actually need eyelets. For the front, I just made a cut and closed it with the thread. Basic shift, horrible fit (I need to shimmy in and out if I wear it)

I wear the shift and I use the plum overdress as a coat (that’s how I put it on anyways). Don’t forget to dirty the shift, as this was the one piece of clothing people almost never took off, and also the Caribbean were warm as hell, so you generally sweated a lot in the shift. Plus off-white looks better in photos anyways. So I threw mine in a tea bath! It needs a new bath, because it can be dirtier. If you make a pirate attire, you are never dirty enough!

Wig

For the longest time I thought I was going to use my own hair for Elizabeth, but eventually it occurred to me my own hair is too brown in comparison to Keira, so I went wig hunting. After a month, I came across a girl who resold a Royal Enchantments wig, styled like Elizabeth’s English gowns. It was half priced, so I bought it. 

I then did what I now think of as the stupidest cosplay move ever: I took out all the pins to create Elizabeth’s nightgown and dinner-with-Barbossa look. This ended up like this:

Which I obviously found more fitting than the English hair at the pirate ship. The next con, I decided the wig was too curly, so I straightened all the curls out in hopes to create the messy beach look (I have never seen that in wigs). I am now considering a new wig, since this one also turned out to be too blonde for Elizabeth anyways. New adventure: actually curling a wig to get it back to the English style it was when I bought it.

The final result

The bottom picture shows my ‘beach’ wig. There are so many things I would like to change about this cosplay, but I am so happy I managed to complete this project!

#disney cosplay #elizabeth swann cosplay #progress post #wip #dcc #elizabeth swann #elfia #disney #cosplay #cosplay help

[kenjiro-s]

A Day in Our Lives, IwaOi fluff ch.7

Of late nights and apologetic tarts

It was in the middle of a long, dragging report that Semi showed at Hajime’s desk. For some reason the seventeen witnesses of the car crash had all seen something different happen so he had to write all their statements down. It was exhausting. The only nice thing was the quiet. Daichi was diligently working on his part of the pile, Ushijima and Bokuto were deep in a report from one of the labs and everyone else was out patrolling. So when a shadow fell on his desk he blinked owlishly at the disturbance. It took him a second to recognise the platinum blond of the head auditor and he smiled. From all the guys in the back of the station, he got along best with Semi. The man had endless patience that, strangely, came with a really, really short fused temper, and, more importantly, knew how to keep his own new assistant in check. Otherwise, the kid would be bouncing off the walls and with Bokuto present that could turn into a nightmare. It was bad enough when said officer managed to end up in the same room as Kuroo, they didn’t need even more distractions. Though, Kuroo’s assistant was nice enough. Not Kenma, whose uncanny ability to just appear, hang around seemingly doing nothing, and leave in the middle of the day, and still do all the consultant work ahead of time and perfectly had the whole station slightly afraid of him, but the new one. Shirabu, who, unless he was mistaken, Semi and Kawanishi were in the middle of…courting. It was weird but who was he to judge ? He was married to Tooru.

- So, the files. I have good news…and bad news. – Hajime steeled himself.

- Hit me.

- Bad news first ? – He nodded. – It will be difficult to hold in court. It all looks legal. The numbers add up perfectly, with just the right amount of mistakes to make them real, the links are clear. Everything is as it should. – That was not good. True, they usually didn’t get fraud since it was not in their jurisdiction, but this case had started with a man going into the main office of the company he’d worked for for two decades and had attacked the people inside. After a surface look Daichi had insisted they dig a little more since something didn’t feel right. Semi had gotten his hands on the computers of the “victim” company and had disappeared in his office for three days.

- Well, that’s definitely bad. You mentioned good news, though ?

- Yes. Kuroo’s out, I guess he had to go and do something on a scene…? Anyway, I showed the results to Kenjiro and he promised to check them out from a different perspective. I think he was talking with Kenma when I passed their office now, they seem to be working together.

He was “Kenjiro” now, wasn’t he ? Hajime just shrugged mentally. They were all adults and it definitely wasn’t his business. Though the fact that Shirabu had managed to get Kenma to talk without prodding and actually engage in conversation had already spread through the station and was building the young programmer a reputation. It was still unclear if that reputation would be good or bad, but it was definitely expanding.

- So there’s hope ? – Semi nodded. – Good. That’s…good.

Hajime looked around. It was peaceful enough.

- Hey, how’s the…

- Would you and Tooru like to come to dinner ? I think I asked you before ?

Semi was leaning on Hajime’s desk, smiling lightly, and it was so not him, Hajime had to do a double take and check if it wasn’t actually Kawanishi at the station.

- Sure. Both of us have a day off together on both Monday and Tuesday next week, would that work for you ?

- Monday sounds perfect. – Semi turned to leave.

- Hey, can you check and tell Shirabu and Kenma that we need to know at least if there is a chance for something ? Procedures take forever and this one is enough of a mess already.

In response, all he got was a wide smile but it was more than enough. So, they were still going.

- After you finish dinner, save me a slice of dessert, would you ? – Daichi was leaning on the pile of finished papers.

- Really ? You ask me to bring you something from someone else’s table ? Where’s your dignity ?

His partner just shrugged.

- It’s food made by Kawanishi. There is no such thing as “dignity” when it’s involved. – Which was more than true. Before Shirabu had started working at the station, all they had tried from Semi’s boyfriend were mini cupcakes for the auditor’s birthday and whatever bite they managed to steal from his lunch. Now, first with the chocolates and then with the full meals from a couple of days ago, they were getting spoiled. The man was a god with a spoon and everyone knew it.

Hajime hated going home late. He knew Tooru would pretend he’d eaten which would be a lie, and then would pretend nothing interesting or stressful happened during his day because he thought Hajime would be exhausted. Which was wrong, he knew it was, because children sometimes were worse than aggressive drunks when it came to headaches. Half an hour before his shift had to end, Shirabu had practically ran in the main office with a stack of papers in his hand, his strange fringe in complete disorder. He and Kenma had found that numbers that should have been random actually followed a complex mathematical model that could be achieved in real life only by the biggest coincidence out there. After he and Daichi had been blinking at the young man for a few seconds, Shirabu had explained, a little impatiently, that it meant there was an almost 100% certainty the figures were fake. Which had lead to Daichi waving at him to keep going. The not-quite-annoyed-but-close-enough sigh he let out was quickly forgotten as he tried to explain the basics of double accounting and that he needed the original computers to be able to try and look for the real information. And Hajime and Daichi had ended spending two hours going through paperwork to find where the computers were and how they could get full access to them. It was late. Which is why he wanted to do something nice for his husband.

He glanced at his watch. Eight. An idea formed in his head. Would it be…? On one hand, it was a coffee shop…On the other, he remembered Tooru bringing Éclair home and how late it had been. And he had been carrying a bag with a logo he was getting familiar with. It was worth a try.

Hajime pulled out his phone to look for the address and realised it was only a block away. Now that was luck. A touch of fate. Destiny. And he must have been more tired than he thought if he was getting poetic. The best thing was the website made it clear the café should have been open for another hour. Good.

Navigating through a neighbourhood he remembered from a few days ago when he and Daichi had picked Shirabu up, Hajime found an empty spot and left the car. He took a moment to appreciate the exterior. Silver on dark purple. It looked way too fancy but since he knew firsthand how good everything inside was, the aesthetics didn’t bother him that much. A small bell jungled to announce his entrance and he was surprised to find the chef himself behind the counter.

Kawanishi’s messy blond hair looked worse than usual. He was getting close to Kuroo’s style and it made Hajime fear for the future. If that terrible hairstyle was spreading, he had to do his best to protect himself and Tooru. It was…unnatural in how many directions a short fringe could point at the same time. Unnatural, but strangely fascinating. Like the result of a terrible accident. Hajime counted three cowlicks before the owner of said cowlicks cleared his throat.

Whatever smooth grace Kawanishi usually exhibited, it was all gone. Hajime had only seem him collected, calm and in complete opposition of Semi, but this, this was new. He didn’t have circles under his eyes, though his darker complexion might have been simply hiding them better. The hair, on the other hand, mixed with his almost closed eyes and a strange slump against the marble made it obvious he was barely holding on his feet.

- What can I do for you, officer ?

- Do you happen to have something that says “Sorry I’m late, I know I said I’ll do my best to be home on time today but work went wrong, you shouldn’t have waited for me to eat, etc.” ? – In response, he got a tired smile that almost made the other man look like he usually did.

- You know this is not a flower shop and there are no secret meanings on different flavours of custard, right ?

- Oh, come on, really ? – Two tired men trying to joke. He was sure the picture they made was way funnier than the conversation itself. – Not even in the secret baker club ? Kawanishi tapped his lip with a fingertip and then ran his hand through his hair. Wow. Six cowlicks. Six. It would be impressive if it wasn’t so terrifying.

- I guess I can make an exception for an outsider. But just this time. If you promise not to share the secret. Does your better half prefer chocolate or fruit ?

- Can you mix them ? He’s had a long week.

- Sure. I guess we all are going to need some apologetic tarts. – Which brought another unpleasant thought.

- I don’t think you will. – The other man blinked at him in the middle of folding small boxes in deep maroon and gold. – Yeah, when I left, Semi, Shirabu and Kenma were still in the middle of it and it didn’t seem like they were going to finish soon. I heard Kenma looking for the take out menu of the 24 hour pizza place across from the station. Sorry.

“Sorry” was nowhere close to being enough but it was all he had.

- It’s fine. He already called. – Kawanishi shrugged. – I am just saving him a few things because he will be starving no matter what. It’s been a terribly long day, that’s all.

The box was tied up with a shiny golden ribbon, the other man’s hands completely steady while making a perfect bow, and he bent down to look for something under the counter.

- By the way, I’m not sure if Semi told you…

- You and your partner are coming for dinner on Monday ? – How ? This was the second time he had predicted what Hajime was going to say. The man was a menace and Hajime was starting to worry what would happen when they put him and Tooru within hearing distance of each other. Probably, the world would go in flames. – He mentioned it. Anything I need to be careful with ?

- No, not really. No allergies or intolerances. We’ll be fine. If, of course, we manage to survive until then.

This got him the first real laugh he’d ever heard from Kawanishi. He usually stuck to quiet smiles in various hues when at the station and Hajime thought it was just how he was. But what he heard now was a full snort, followed by giggles. Still quiet but definitely more out there. Also, there was more hair-messing. If it was anyone else, Hajime would already have his phone out to take a photo. It was habit he’d developed from living with Tooru. Not only did his husband tend to do it left and right, but also one needed a sneaky hand to catch Tooru himself in a compromising position. Which usually included food or strange attire choices. Kawanishi, though, he didn’t know him well enough. On the other hand…

The other man didn’t even notice Hajime sliding his phone back in his pocket, he was too busy almost laying down on the counter in a breathless laughter.

- Really long day ?

- I’ve been here since 5:30 this morning. And it has been the same in the last two days. I think it’s some modern version of hysteria.

Hajime’s jaw was hanging open but he couldn’t think about that now. He was too busy processing everything. Glancing at his watch, he confirmed it was twenty past eight. At night.

- Everything okay ? – It mostly courtesy to ask, but there was a part of him that was honestly curious.

- Some people quit because I told them they are not entitled to all the food they can eat during a shift for free. Go figure.

That explained the strange posture and air of extreme exhaustion around him. And, maybe the hair. Though Hajime was pretty sure nothing could excuse that.

- I’ll be going. Thanks for the advice and good luck with the staff.

All he got was a limp wave. When he was almost closing the door behind him, Hajime turned to glance back. The café was empty, the atmosphere was muted by dancing shadows and fairy lights, and Kawanishi stood in the middle of it all with a serene expression, like nothing could make him happier in life than this place. It suited him, this quiet joy. He could see how Semi had lost his head. Or how Shirabu was about to go down. The whole “reading you mind and not giving anything away” seemed too weird for him. Either way, he had his desserts, now all he had to do was wake Tooru up and tell him to free his Monday evening.

#haikyuu!! #iwaizumi x oikawa #iwaizumi hajime #oikawa tooru #purefluff #domestic #haikyuu fanfiction #aged up characters #fanfiction

[pamelahetrick]

How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine

Life can sure be messy. Each day, we’re faced with a series of chaotic events that cry for our attention and ruthlessly gobble up our precious hours. The average person spends their time juggling family obligations and work responsibilities while trying to squeeze in exercise and some level of rest. Add in unexpected dramas and there’s no wonder why we are exhausted human beings. Any free moments we do have are often squandered on social media so whatever precious time is left is easily lost forever at the bottom of a never-ending news feed.

Tomorrow the same pattern will repeat, frustrations will grow and we’ll wonder why we can’t complete the creative endeavors we set out to accomplish. There simply are not enough hours in the day! becomes our hopeless mantra.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Are there really not enough hours in the day? There are mere mortals among us who possess the same number of earth hours yet produce a phenomenal volume of work. They seem to have figured out how to harness their time more effectively. Enter Tim Ferriss, the New York Times best-selling author, marketing guru and entrepreneur who is perhaps most renowned for his examination of the tactics, routines and habits of billionaires, icons and world class performers. According to Ferriss, “not enough time means unclear priorities.”

Similarly, Derek Sivers, a philosophizing programmer and entrepreneur, who is featured in Tim Ferriss’ book Tools of Titans believes busy equals out of control. “Every time people contact me, they say, ‘look, I know you must be incredibly busy…’ and I always think, ‘No, I’m not. I’m in control of my time, I’m on top of it. Busy, to me, seems to imply out of control.'”

Today, ‘How are you?’ is usually met with the standard response: “Busy. Sooo, busy.” These proclamations of busyness are worn like a badge of honor. But why? According to Ferriss, “If I’m ‘busy’ it is because I’ve made choices that put me in that position.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

If ‘busyness’ is self-inflicted, why do we take a strange sense of pride in the fact we have resigned ourselves to wade through reams of endless to-do lists and unsavory tasks? And why don’t successful people seem to be drowning in a sea of busy?

Let’s explore the daily habits of successful creatives

When you look closely, the common denominator among the majority of people who get sh*t done is a daily routine—more importantly, sticking to it.

Let’s delve into the daily habits of successful creatives to understand what steps you can take to establish daily habits and reclaim some of your precious hours.

First up is Alex Mathers, a self-taught illustrator and writer who has written extensively on the subject of productivity and how creative beings can unleash their creative potential upon the world. “Taking action trumps all the planning and learning, fidgeting and worrying you will ever do, “Mathers says. “Art will not materialise, life will not get organised, connections will not be made, if you are not taking conscious action steps, big and small, with consistency and self-discipline: exerting boundaries, control, limits and rules on oneself, in order to make positive changes. And yes, you can maintain your level of creativity (if not hugely improve it), with self-discipline.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Today, he says, “I’m never really overwhelmed, and I rarely feel as if I lack time. In fact, some days I feel as though I have more time than I need.” However, this was not always the case. He too, previously struggled to harness his time and energy and not submit to the endless distractions that fill an everyday life. So what changed?

Mathers realized that his habits were an obstacle to getting where he wanted to be. So he made a conscious decision to change them. To get back in control of how he used his time, he became extremely strict with how much time he allocated to certain things, specifically:

How much time he spends watching videos or movies

When and how often he engages with social media

When (and what) he eats and how late he goes to sleep

Mathers created a list of rules for himself which he consults on a daily basis. Although this is not a set routine, his personal list of rules provides him with scaffolding that holds up his day, around which he can carve out time for creative pursuits and which dissuades him from falling prey to lazy habits.

Next up is Haruki Murakami, a Japanese novelist, short story writer, and essayist who adheres to a strict daily routine rather than a set of written rules: “When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind.” For Murakami, it is not the routine itself that is the important thing. The routine is merely a stepping stone to a deeper state of being which enabled him to do his best work.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

This leads me to Steven Pressfield, an American author who wrote The War of Art in addition to historical fiction, non-fiction and screenplays. Pressfield also stresses the importance of sitting down each day and consistently doing your work.

In his words, “When we sit down each day and do our work, power concentrates around us… we become like a magnetized rod that attracts iron filings. Ideas come. Insights accrete.” In his work The War of Art Pressfield introduces us to the forces at play which attempt to prevent you from doing good work. He calls these invisible, but strongly felt forces “the resistance.”

Daily routines, therefore, serve a dual purpose:

They help to develop the discipline and consistency necessary to begin and complete all creative endeavors

They pave the road to a deeper state of being and deeper thoughts, which is a stepping stone to creating great work

What action steps can you take to begin a daily habit or to begin developing discipline? Daily routines are akin to layers in a photoshop file, it takes many, many layers merged over time to create a final polished masterpiece.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Here are five steps to get you started:

Step 1:  Start with why

Write down exactly why you want to establish a routine. What do you hope to achieve by doing so? When the urge to quit rears its ugly head, motivation wanes and you just don’t feel like doing it anymore turn back to your “why.”

Bruce Lee, an actor, martial artist and philosopher was acutely aware of the power of writing down ‘why’ and taking the time to self-reflect. The process of writing down our goals generates belief in ones self, which is the key to success.

Step 2:  Get ready to struggle

There is often a perception that being a professional creative must be lots of fun. Sure, it can be fun, but “professional” means consistently doing the work whether you feel inclined to or not. There is not a lot of room for waiting for inspiration to strike.

As Chris Fox, an author of over 30 books (and he isn’t even 40) concisely puts it, “Understand that this is going to take a massive amount of sustained effort. Many of us assume that because we like writing it will be easy, or fun. It is occasionally fun, but never easy.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Step 3: Make a commitment to yourself

I made an unwritten rule with myself a few years ago. I decided that if I said I was going to do something, then I had to do it. If the words escaped from my mouth, they were set in concrete and now had no option but to be realized.

Research shows that it takes 21 days to form a habit, after which we use less mental energy to decide whether or not to do the task—we go on autopilot of sorts. What would happen if you committed to something for 30 days? Could you form a new habit each month? This could potentially lead to 12 new habits a year, or a sustained action to build upon your daily routine.

You get to decide what kind of person you wish to be. Are you someone who carves out time to actively pursue better habits or one who easily succumbs to lazy habits?

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Step 4: Put it on the calendar

The next step is to block out time in your calendar for your priorities. For example, you may factor in two hours of writing every morning or a one-hour workout. Factoring this time into your calendar ensures that these are the most important tasks of the day and must be given priority over other tasks that are less important.

Step 5:  Go forth and play!

To remain constantly in work mode is draining both for you and for those around you. It can also be counter productive to the creative process. A brain that is tired and exhausted is less likely to generate fresh and exciting ideas.

It is as important to be able to switch out of work mode, as it is to switch into it. This is where habits and routines come into play. When you have completed your set hours of work for the day you can switch off and enjoy your ‘free’ hours recovering and recharging for tomorrow’s effort.

This means stepping away from the screen, going outside, spending time in nature or with family and friends.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

While rigidly sticking to a routine may seem boring and even counterproductive to the entire creative process, working consistently instills a discipline that will enable us to do our best work.

Jocko Willink a renowned Navy SEAL who co-authored the New York Times bestseller Extreme Ownership: How U.S Navy SEALs Lead and Win says that discipline equals freedom. This advice transcends creative disciplines and can be implemented by anyone trying to form better daily habits. Although freedom from responsiblities and goals may appear idyllic, when there is no shape to your day it can actually be paralyzing. “If you want freedom in life, be it financial freedom, more free time, or even freedom from sickness and poor health, you can only achieve these things through discipline,” Willink writes.

Tap into the power of a daily routine

Prescheduled workouts, routines and habits create a framework for your life. They enable your mind to go beyond the many, many daily decisions we are faced with into deeper, more important questions.

“The paradox seems to be, as Socrates demonstrated long ago, that the truly free individual is free only to the extent of his own self-mastery,” says Steven Pressfield. “Those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.”

At the time of writing this, there are 250 days, 6016 hours, 360983 minutes and 21658998 seconds until 2019. How will you use it? What will you create?

Time is our most precious commodity, spend it wisely.

About the author

Sarah Healy is a freelance writer, designer, and adventurer. She has worked in animation studios creating award winning apps, and for large corporations helping them to tell their unique story through branding and visual creations. She can usually be found competing in ultra-marathons or undertaking crazy bike expeditions and is currently traversing Australia with little more than a backpack and a smile.

The post How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine appeared first on 99designs.

via 99designs https://99designs.co.uk/blog/business-en-gb/daily-routine/

[myongfisher]

How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine

Life can sure be messy. Each day, we’re faced with a series of chaotic events that cry for our attention and ruthlessly gobble up our precious hours. The average person spends their time juggling family obligations and work responsibilities while trying to squeeze in exercise and some level of rest. Add in unexpected dramas and there’s no wonder why we are exhausted human beings. Any free moments we do have are often squandered on social media so whatever precious time is left is easily lost forever at the bottom of a never-ending news feed.

Tomorrow the same pattern will repeat, frustrations will grow and we’ll wonder why we can’t complete the creative endeavors we set out to accomplish. There simply are not enough hours in the day! becomes our hopeless mantra.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Are there really not enough hours in the day? There are mere mortals among us who possess the same number of earth hours yet produce a phenomenal volume of work. They seem to have figured out how to harness their time more effectively. Enter Tim Ferriss, the New York Times best-selling author, marketing guru and entrepreneur who is perhaps most renowned for his examination of the tactics, routines and habits of billionaires, icons and world class performers. According to Ferriss, “not enough time means unclear priorities.”

Similarly, Derek Sivers, a philosophizing programmer and entrepreneur, who is featured in Tim Ferriss’ book Tools of Titans believes busy equals out of control. “Every time people contact me, they say, ‘look, I know you must be incredibly busy…’ and I always think, ‘No, I’m not. I’m in control of my time, I’m on top of it. Busy, to me, seems to imply out of control.‘”

Today, ‘How are you?’ is usually met with the standard response: “Busy. Sooo, busy.” These proclamations of busyness are worn like a badge of honor. But why? According to Ferriss, “If I’m ‘busy’ it is because I’ve made choices that put me in that position.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

If ‘busyness’ is self-inflicted, why do we take a strange sense of pride in the fact we have resigned ourselves to wade through reams of endless to-do lists and unsavory tasks? And why don’t successful people seem to be drowning in a sea of busy?

Let’s explore the daily habits of successful creatives

When you look closely, the common denominator among the majority of people who get sh*t done is a daily routine—more importantly, sticking to it.

Let’s delve into the daily habits of successful creatives to understand what steps you can take to establish daily habits and reclaim some of your precious hours.

First up is Alex Mathers, a self-taught illustrator and writer who has written extensively on the subject of productivity and how creative beings can unleash their creative potential upon the world. “Taking action trumps all the planning and learning, fidgeting and worrying you will ever do, “Mathers says. “Art will not materialise, life will not get organised, connections will not be made, if you are not taking conscious action steps, big and small, with consistency and self-discipline: exerting boundaries, control, limits and rules on oneself, in order to make positive changes. And yes, you can maintain your level of creativity (if not hugely improve it), with self-discipline.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Today, he says, “I’m never really overwhelmed, and I rarely feel as if I lack time. In fact, some days I feel as though I have more time than I need.” However, this was not always the case. He too, previously struggled to harness his time and energy and not submit to the endless distractions that fill an everyday life. So what changed?

Mathers realized that his habits were an obstacle to getting where he wanted to be. So he made a conscious decision to change them. To get back in control of how he used his time, he became extremely strict with how much time he allocated to certain things, specifically:

How much time he spends watching videos or movies

When and how often he engages with social media

When (and what) he eats and how late he goes to sleep

Mathers created a list of rules for himself which he consults on a daily basis. Although this is not a set routine, his personal list of rules provides him with scaffolding that holds up his day, around which he can carve out time for creative pursuits and which dissuades him from falling prey to lazy habits.

Next up is Haruki Murakami, a Japanese novelist, short story writer, and essayist who adheres to a strict daily routine rather than a set of written rules: “When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind.” For Murakami, it is not the routine itself that is the important thing. The routine is merely a stepping stone to a deeper state of being which enabled him to do his best work.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

This leads me to Steven Pressfield, an American author who wrote The War of Art in addition to historical fiction, non-fiction and screenplays. Pressfield also stresses the importance of sitting down each day and consistently doing your work.

In his words, “When we sit down each day and do our work, power concentrates around us… we become like a magnetized rod that attracts iron filings. Ideas come. Insights accrete.” In his work The War of Art Pressfield introduces us to the forces at play which attempt to prevent you from doing good work. He calls these invisible, but strongly felt forces “the resistance.”

Daily routines, therefore, serve a dual purpose:

They help to develop the discipline and consistency necessary to begin and complete all creative endeavors

They pave the road to a deeper state of being and deeper thoughts, which is a stepping stone to creating great work

What action steps can you take to begin a daily habit or to begin developing discipline? Daily routines are akin to layers in a photoshop file, it takes many, many layers merged over time to create a final polished masterpiece.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Here are five steps to get you started:

Step 1:  Start with why

Write down exactly why you want to establish a routine. What do you hope to achieve by doing so? When the urge to quit rears its ugly head, motivation wanes and you just don’t feel like doing it anymore turn back to your “why.”

Bruce Lee, an actor, martial artist and philosopher was acutely aware of the power of writing down ‘why’ and taking the time to self-reflect. The process of writing down our goals generates belief in ones self, which is the key to success.

Step 2:  Get ready to struggle

There is often a perception that being a professional creative must be lots of fun. Sure, it can be fun, but “professional” means consistently doing the work whether you feel inclined to or not. There is not a lot of room for waiting for inspiration to strike.

As Chris Fox, an author of over 30 books (and he isn’t even 40) concisely puts it, “Understand that this is going to take a massive amount of sustained effort. Many of us assume that because we like writing it will be easy, or fun. It is occasionally fun, but never easy.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Step 3: Make a commitment to yourself

I made an unwritten rule with myself a few years ago. I decided that if I said I was going to do something, then I had to do it. If the words escaped from my mouth, they were set in concrete and now had no option but to be realized.

Research shows that it takes 21 days to form a habit, after which we use less mental energy to decide whether or not to do the task—we go on autopilot of sorts. What would happen if you committed to something for 30 days? Could you form a new habit each month? This could potentially lead to 12 new habits a year, or a sustained action to build upon your daily routine.

You get to decide what kind of person you wish to be. Are you someone who carves out time to actively pursue better habits or one who easily succumbs to lazy habits?

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Step 4: Put it on the calendar

The next step is to block out time in your calendar for your priorities. For example, you may factor in two hours of writing every morning or a one-hour workout. Factoring this time into your calendar ensures that these are the most important tasks of the day and must be given priority over other tasks that are less important.

Step 5:  Go forth and play!

To remain constantly in work mode is draining both for you and for those around you. It can also be counter productive to the creative process. A brain that is tired and exhausted is less likely to generate fresh and exciting ideas.

It is as important to be able to switch out of work mode, as it is to switch into it. This is where habits and routines come into play. When you have completed your set hours of work for the day you can switch off and enjoy your ‘free’ hours recovering and recharging for tomorrow’s effort.

This means stepping away from the screen, going outside, spending time in nature or with family and friends.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

While rigidly sticking to a routine may seem boring and even counterproductive to the entire creative process, working consistently instills a discipline that will enable us to do our best work.

Jocko Willink a renowned Navy SEAL who co-authored the New York Times bestseller Extreme Ownership: How U.S Navy SEALs Lead and Win says that discipline equals freedom. This advice transcends creative disciplines and can be implemented by anyone trying to form better daily habits. Although freedom from responsiblities and goals may appear idyllic, when there is no shape to your day it can actually be paralyzing. “If you want freedom in life, be it financial freedom, more free time, or even freedom from sickness and poor health, you can only achieve these things through discipline,” Willink writes.

Tap into the power of a daily routine

Prescheduled workouts, routines and habits create a framework for your life. They enable your mind to go beyond the many, many daily decisions we are faced with into deeper, more important questions.

“The paradox seems to be, as Socrates demonstrated long ago, that the truly free individual is free only to the extent of his own self-mastery,” says Steven Pressfield. “Those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.”

At the time of writing this, there are 250 days, 6016 hours, 360983 minutes and 21658998 seconds until 2019. How will you use it? What will you create?

Time is our most precious commodity, spend it wisely.

About the author

Sarah Healy is a freelance writer, designer, and adventurer. She has worked in animation studios creating award winning apps, and for large corporations helping them to tell their unique story through branding and visual creations. She can usually be found competing in ultra-marathons or undertaking crazy bike expeditions and is currently traversing Australia with little more than a backpack and a smile.

The post How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine appeared first on 99designs.

How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine published first on https://www.lilpackaging.com/

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How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine

Life can sure be messy. Each day, we’re faced with a series of chaotic events that cry for our attention and ruthlessly gobble up our precious hours. The average person spends their time juggling family obligations and work responsibilities while trying to squeeze in exercise and some level of rest. Add in unexpected dramas and there’s no wonder why we are exhausted human beings. Any free moments we do have are often squandered on social media so whatever precious time is left is easily lost forever at the bottom of a never-ending news feed.

Tomorrow the same pattern will repeat, frustrations will grow and we’ll wonder why we can’t complete the creative endeavors we set out to accomplish. There simply are not enough hours in the day! becomes our hopeless mantra.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Are there really not enough hours in the day? There are mere mortals among us who possess the same number of earth hours yet produce a phenomenal volume of work. They seem to have figured out how to harness their time more effectively. Enter Tim Ferriss, the New York Times best-selling author, marketing guru and entrepreneur who is perhaps most renowned for his examination of the tactics, routines and habits of billionaires, icons and world class performers. According to Ferriss, “not enough time means unclear priorities.”

Similarly, Derek Sivers, a philosophizing programmer and entrepreneur, who is featured in Tim Ferriss’ book Tools of Titans believes busy equals out of control. “Every time people contact me, they say, ‘look, I know you must be incredibly busy…’ and I always think, ‘No, I’m not. I’m in control of my time, I’m on top of it. Busy, to me, seems to imply out of control.'”

Today, ‘How are you?’ is usually met with the standard response: “Busy. Sooo, busy.” These proclamations of busyness are worn like a badge of honor. But why? According to Ferriss, “If I’m ‘busy’ it is because I’ve made choices that put me in that position.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

If ‘busyness’ is self-inflicted, why do we take a strange sense of pride in the fact we have resigned ourselves to wade through reams of endless to-do lists and unsavory tasks? And why don’t successful people seem to be drowning in a sea of busy?

Let’s explore the daily habits of successful creatives

When you look closely, the common denominator among the majority of people who get sh*t done is a daily routine—more importantly, sticking to it.

Let’s delve into the daily habits of successful creatives to understand what steps you can take to establish daily habits and reclaim some of your precious hours.

First up is Alex Mathers, a self-taught illustrator and writer who has written extensively on the subject of productivity and how creative beings can unleash their creative potential upon the world. “Taking action trumps all the planning and learning, fidgeting and worrying you will ever do, “Mathers says. “Art will not materialise, life will not get organised, connections will not be made, if you are not taking conscious action steps, big and small, with consistency and self-discipline: exerting boundaries, control, limits and rules on oneself, in order to make positive changes. And yes, you can maintain your level of creativity (if not hugely improve it), with self-discipline.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Today, he says, “I’m never really overwhelmed, and I rarely feel as if I lack time. In fact, some days I feel as though I have more time than I need.” However, this was not always the case. He too, previously struggled to harness his time and energy and not submit to the endless distractions that fill an everyday life. So what changed?

Mathers realized that his habits were an obstacle to getting where he wanted to be. So he made a conscious decision to change them. To get back in control of how he used his time, he became extremely strict with how much time he allocated to certain things, specifically:

How much time he spends watching videos or movies

When and how often he engages with social media

When (and what) he eats and how late he goes to sleep

Mathers created a list of rules for himself which he consults on a daily basis. Although this is not a set routine, his personal list of rules provides him with scaffolding that holds up his day, around which he can carve out time for creative pursuits and which dissuades him from falling prey to lazy habits.

Next up is Haruki Murakami, a Japanese novelist, short story writer, and essayist who adheres to a strict daily routine rather than a set of written rules: “When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind.” For Murakami, it is not the routine itself that is the important thing. The routine is merely a stepping stone to a deeper state of being which enabled him to do his best work.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

This leads me to Steven Pressfield, an American author who wrote The War of Art in addition to historical fiction, non-fiction and screenplays. Pressfield also stresses the importance of sitting down each day and consistently doing your work.

In his words, “When we sit down each day and do our work, power concentrates around us… we become like a magnetized rod that attracts iron filings. Ideas come. Insights accrete.” In his work The War of Art Pressfield introduces us to the forces at play which attempt to prevent you from doing good work. He calls these invisible, but strongly felt forces “the resistance.”

Daily routines, therefore, serve a dual purpose:

They help to develop the discipline and consistency necessary to begin and complete all creative endeavors

They pave the road to a deeper state of being and deeper thoughts, which is a stepping stone to creating great work

What action steps can you take to begin a daily habit or to begin developing discipline? Daily routines are akin to layers in a photoshop file, it takes many, many layers merged over time to create a final polished masterpiece.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Here are five steps to get you started:

Step 1:  Start with why

Write down exactly why you want to establish a routine. What do you hope to achieve by doing so? When the urge to quit rears its ugly head, motivation wanes and you just don’t feel like doing it anymore turn back to your “why.”

Bruce Lee, an actor, martial artist and philosopher was acutely aware of the power of writing down ‘why’ and taking the time to self-reflect. The process of writing down our goals generates belief in ones self, which is the key to success.

Step 2:  Get ready to struggle

There is often a perception that being a professional creative must be lots of fun. Sure, it can be fun, but “professional” means consistently doing the work whether you feel inclined to or not. There is not a lot of room for waiting for inspiration to strike.

As Chris Fox, an author of over 30 books (and he isn’t even 40) concisely puts it, “Understand that this is going to take a massive amount of sustained effort. Many of us assume that because we like writing it will be easy, or fun. It is occasionally fun, but never easy.”

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Step 3: Make a commitment to yourself

I made an unwritten rule with myself a few years ago. I decided that if I said I was going to do something, then I had to do it. If the words escaped from my mouth, they were set in concrete and now had no option but to be realized.

Research shows that it takes 21 days to form a habit, after which we use less mental energy to decide whether or not to do the task—we go on autopilot of sorts. What would happen if you committed to something for 30 days? Could you form a new habit each month? This could potentially lead to 12 new habits a year, or a sustained action to build upon your daily routine.

You get to decide what kind of person you wish to be. Are you someone who carves out time to actively pursue better habits or one who easily succumbs to lazy habits?

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Step 4: Put it on the calendar

The next step is to block out time in your calendar for your priorities. For example, you may factor in two hours of writing every morning or a one-hour workout. Factoring this time into your calendar ensures that these are the most important tasks of the day and must be given priority over other tasks that are less important.

Step 5:  Go forth and play!

To remain constantly in work mode is draining both for you and for those around you. It can also be counter productive to the creative process. A brain that is tired and exhausted is less likely to generate fresh and exciting ideas.

It is as important to be able to switch out of work mode, as it is to switch into it. This is where habits and routines come into play. When you have completed your set hours of work for the day you can switch off and enjoy your ‘free’ hours recovering and recharging for tomorrow’s effort.

This means stepping away from the screen, going outside, spending time in nature or with family and friends.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

While rigidly sticking to a routine may seem boring and even counterproductive to the entire creative process, working consistently instills a discipline that will enable us to do our best work.

Jocko Willink a renowned Navy SEAL who co-authored the New York Times bestseller Extreme Ownership: How U.S Navy SEALs Lead and Win says that discipline equals freedom. This advice transcends creative disciplines and can be implemented by anyone trying to form better daily habits. Although freedom from responsiblities and goals may appear idyllic, when there is no shape to your day it can actually be paralyzing. “If you want freedom in life, be it financial freedom, more free time, or even freedom from sickness and poor health, you can only achieve these things through discipline,” Willink writes.

Tap into the power of a daily routine

Prescheduled workouts, routines and habits create a framework for your life. They enable your mind to go beyond the many, many daily decisions we are faced with into deeper, more important questions.

“The paradox seems to be, as Socrates demonstrated long ago, that the truly free individual is free only to the extent of his own self-mastery,” says Steven Pressfield. “Those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.”

At the time of writing this, there are 250 days, 6016 hours, 360983 minutes and 21658998 seconds until 2019. How will you use it? What will you create?

Time is our most precious commodity, spend it wisely.

About the author

Sarah Healy is a freelance writer, designer, and adventurer. She has worked in animation studios creating award winning apps, and for large corporations helping them to tell their unique story through branding and visual creations. She can usually be found competing in ultra-marathons or undertaking crazy bike expeditions and is currently traversing Australia with little more than a backpack and a smile.

The post How successful creatives harness the power of a daily routine appeared first on 99designs.