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ladykailitha · 3 months

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Love is Kind

All of the stories I was reading today were sad Steve and it made me cry so I wrote happy Steve to make me feel better.

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

***

Jeana looked down at the purple water lilies in Steve's hand in distaste.

"Water lilies?" she asked, frowning. "Not red roses?"

Steve looked at her in confusion. "Yeah, your favorite flower in your favorite color."

"Yeah," she agreed, reluctantly taking the flowers. "But red roses are more romantic for Valentine's Day."

Steve went from wilting in disappointment to her reaction, to standing up straight with a spine of steel. "Oh I get it now." He took bouquet back from her forcefully. "Yeah, we're done."

Jeana's eyes went wide. "You're breaking up with me on Valentine's Day over a bunch of flowers?"

"No, Jeana," he said coldly. "We're done because you didn't tell me you wanted red roses. I assumed that the cheaper more personal water lilies would be the perfect thing for Valentine's Day."

Jeana winced.

"Ohhh..." Steve said, "I get it now. You wanted the Harrington money." He rubbed his fingers together. "Despite the fact that I work at a book store. That I told you when we first started going out that I had been kicked out."

Jeana rolled her eyes. "You still wore nice clothes and had fancy hair products in your bathroom, like I was supposed to believe that obvious lie?"

"I save for those!" Steve hissed. "I can't use anything else for my hair, I've tried. And yeah, so sue me for buying something nice once in a while."

She peeked around him to see the table was set with romantic candles and another bouquet of water lilies. "You weren't even going to take me out to eat?"

Steve tossed the flowers on the counter behind him. "Why else would I have you come here instead of picking you up?"

Jeana threw her arms in the air. "I thought you were supposed to be this Romeo, this Casanova."

Steve's nostrils flared. "Out!"

She stomped her foot and crossed her arms. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk this through!"

"There is nothing to talk about," Steve said, spinning her around and pushing her toward the door. "You were expecting me to shell out a shit ton of money on you, money you thought I was hiding from you. It's clear you were never interested in me, only the money and prestige the Harrington name brought you."

He opened the door and shoved her through it. "Goodbye."

He slammed the door behind her and gripped his hair tightly. Not enough to pull but just enough to feel pain at pressure of his tugging.

Now he had dinner that was about to be ready in ten minutes, no girlfriend, and a dessert he had slaved over all day.

He needed to call someone to share this with. Robin was doing Valentine's with Vickie so she was out.

Then his eyes lit up. He knew exactly who to call.

He walked over to the phone and dialed.

"Hello, Munson's Funeral Parlor, you tag 'em, we bag 'em," the warm baritone came through the line.

"Eddie!" Steve said with a giggle.

"Stevie!" Eddie greeted back. "To what to I owe this pleasure?"

"How goes your anti-consumerism night in?" Steve asked, avoiding Eddie's question.

"Eh..." Eddie said. "Could be better. I'm watching violent movies to make myself feel less lonely."

Steve chewed on his bottom lip. "I have a warm lasagna, fresh breadsticks, and a nice bottle of wine and suddenly sans a girlfriend if you wanted to have some company."

"What happened with Jeana?" Eddie asked.

Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She didn't want me, she wanted the Harrington money, the King Steve charm, and a Casanova, not Steve Harrington who works at a queer little book shop in the middle of town."

"Well, fuck her," Eddie said. "Her loss. You bet I'll be there, sweetheart. Just give me time to put on my shoes and I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Eds."

Steve opened the door a few minutes later to find that Eddie somehow had found sunflowers in the middle of fucking winter.

“Where are on earth did you find these, Eds?” Steve asked, breathing in the scent of his favorite flower.

Eddie tapped his nose knowingly. He spotted the water lilies in the vase on the table and dumped them in the trash. He replaced them with Steve’s sunflowers.

“There, that livens up the place better,” he said, turning to Steve, “don’cha think?”

Steve smiled back at him. “Yeah it really does.”

He went and made up their plates as Eddie opened the wine. He set them down on the table while Eddie filled their glasses. Steve trotted back to the kitchen and pulled out the breadsticks that were warming in the oven. He put them in a nice basket a covered them with a towel. He set them on the table between Eddie and him.

“This looks fantastic, Stevie,” Eddie murmured and dug into the lasagna. “Ooh. This is better than fantastic. This is divine.”

Steve hurried to take a sip of his wine to hide the flush of pleasure at the compliment that dusted his cheeks. And judging from the smirk on Eddie’s face, he hadn’t been successful at all.

“So what were you watching before I interrupted you?” he asked, blush still staining his cheeks.

“Chinatown.”

Steve grimaces. “That is pretty violent. A little depressing too.”

Eddie shrugged, stabbing another bite of lasagna. “Was kind of the point. Didn’t want anything happy or romantic today.”

Steve picked up his glass and held up to Eddie. “I’ll drink to that.”

Eddie laughed, but clinked their glasses together and drank when Steve did.

They polished off all of the breadsticks, all of the wine, and about half of the lasagna. Steve put the leftovers in the fridge.

“You want a soda or something?” he called from the door of the fridge.

“I’ll take a beer if you have one,” Eddie called back from the sofa.

Steve grabbed two beers and handed one of the cans to Eddie.

“I thought you preferred bottles, babe,” Eddie said, popping open the can.

“I do,” Steve muttered darkly. “They were Jeana’s.”

Eddie cackled. “Here’s to stealing your ex’s shitty beer!”

Steve laughed too. “Cheers!”

Eddie went over to Steve’s record player and put on some Metallica he’d left over here and then flopped back on the sofa next to Steve.

“Thanks for coming over,” Steve murmured over the screaming riffs of Master of Puppets. “Rob is over at Vickie’s tonight and didn’t want to ruin her Valentine’s day, too.”

Eddie smiled softly. “And since I refuse to participate in the rampant consumerism of the day, there would be nothing for you to ruin.”

Steve chuckled. “That and you’re my best friend. I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d want to spend it with.”

This time it was Eddie’s turn to blush and he shoved a lock of hair in front of his face to hide the redness of his cheeks. He pushed playfully at Steve’s shoulder. “Fuck off. I’m sure there are lots of people you could have called that would have come running.”

“Rob was first pick,” Steve said, “you were second. I mean it, Eds. I wanted to share everything I’d done for her with you instead.”

Eddie’s blush reached his ears and stained the column of his throat. “You keep that shit up and this boy is going to start thinking impure thoughts.”

Steve blinked for a moment before he laughed. It wasn’t a harsh or hurtful laugh. It was bright and cheerful. “You put out on the first date, Eds?”

Eddie who was starting to think he’d taken it a step too far, stared up at Steve in amazement. He got his wits back fast enough to quip, “Only if they’re pretty enough.”

Steve ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck trying to hide his embarrassment. Well maybe that was the wrong word. Charmed. He was fucking charmed.

“You think I’m pretty?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Eddie raised Steve’s chin with his finger. “The prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, Stevie.”

Steve gulped. “And if I told you that I’ve had the biggest crush on you for so long?”

“Then I would ask why we aren’t dating, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured, leaning in close.

Steve let out a shuddering sigh. “Because I didn’t think I was an option for you.”

Eddie half knelt on the sofa, cupping his face in his hands. “You are my number one option, honey. Just say the word and I’m yours.”

“Mine.”

Eddie grinned and then kissed Steve gently on the lips. He pulled back after a moment. “This isn’t just because you’re lonely on Valentine’s Day, right?”

Steve pulled Eddie onto his lap and brushed their noses together. “No, baby. She was only ever a placeholder for you. And a piss poor one at that. She never loved me for me. Not like you.”

Eddie chuckled. “And what makes you think I love you, pretty boy?”

“Because you knew I would be sad and brought me sunflowers.”

Eddie kissed Steve fiercely. “You are too clever for your own good, honey. Yes, that is exactly why I brought them. Because I didn’t want you to be sad. Because I wanted you to feel loved.”

“And I do,” Steve murmured. “I love you, too. So so much.”

“Good.”

They resumed kissing. It was darker. Deeper. More potent. Eddie could write songs and poems and books filled with the love he felt for this man and finding out that he felt the same.

All the bookstores and libraries in all the world couldn’t begin to fill the amount of pages Eddie would need to even try and convey how he felt in that moment.

But it could be summed up in one word.

Ecstasy.

Just pure ecstasy.

Robin wasn’t sure if it could be called a walk of shame when she had told Steve that she would be spending the night at Vickie’s, but walking into their shared apartment after the wild sex they had had last night she did feel a little silly.

She stopped short when she saw who was in her kitchen making breakfast in Steve’s track pants.

“Eddie?” she squeaked.

Eddie looked up at her with a grin. “Welcome home, Bucksters! If you haven’t eaten yet, pull up a chair and grab a stack of pancakes. I’ve made plenty.”

“You’re not Jeana,” Robin said stupidly.

“Nope.”

“Steve would never cheat,” she said, again trying to figure this out.

“Nope.”

“You two are a couple now?” Robin asked, her brain still in first gear.

“Yup!”

Just then a very sleep rumpled Steve came wandering out of his bedroom and latched on to Eddie. “I missed you.” He kissed Eddie’s neck.

Eddie kissed his temple. “Sorry, sweetness. I got hungry.”

“Mhmm..” he muttered. “Does smell good.”

“Morning, dingus.” Robin crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You want to tell what this is about?”

Steve looked over at her and gave her a dopey smile. “Jeana sucked. Only wanted the Harrington money and not me. Called Eddie over to make me less sad. He brought me sunflowers and made me very happy.”

Robin looked over at Eddie who half shrugged around a clingy Steve. “That’s the gist of it.”

“Got it,” she said. “I’m happy for you both.”

She grabbed a plate and pilled on the pancakes, with Steve releasing Eddie to do the same.

As the three of them sat down and ate Eddie’s pancakes, Steve smiled happily to himself.

He was with the two people he loved most in all the world and he wouldn’t change a thing.

***

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#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #valentine's fic #fluff #minor steve/female oc #breakup

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hamletteprinceofdenmark · 2 months

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youtube

Transcript of Shelby's Video:

CW: Abuse

:readmore:

Hello! I don't know if you can even hear it, I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just gonna turn it off. Um, hello! Um, welcome! We are in emote only because I'm just gonna be talking today, and then I'm gonna go! I'm gonna go!

Um, yeah, it was very, very low. There's, there's no need. I just, it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so — Hello! Um, I want to talk about something today that, um, very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on, I had to take it off. Um, I'm gonna try and just, I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say to keep track of, sort of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything. So I will be reading from something, um, a good portion of the time, but not 100 percent of the time. Um, and I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I'm, I really like writing down my thoughts. So I did that.

Um, oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. How do I make that happen for just today? Um. Shoulda had that already. I shoulda had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just gonna have to be that way. I'm so sorry.

Um. I'm all good. Um, yeah, okay. Today's just gonna be talking. Uh, I'm just gonna start reading from what I wrote, and go from there.

I have a really big coffee, I'm gonna take a swig. And I have my water, and I'm gonna take a swig of that.

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had, um, in dating because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, um, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, uh, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me, um, but that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Um, some people just weren't the right people.

Um, and speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now because silence has always brought me peace. And this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace. Um, and I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I'd never thought that could happen to me.

And so for me, this is important because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did. Um, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely. Because the, the truth is it was dangerous. Um, there were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um, I endured some pretty terrible treatment. Um, and I might touch on some things here and there about that. But, um, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, um, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

Um, it took me 10 months after to heal. And I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. Um, I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me. Um, because that one actually helped me release a lot of, um, built up anger I was having over the last year. Um, but the anger that I was feeling was for myself because, um, I felt like I should have known better.

I felt so stupid at myself for, um, sort of just staying through all of this. Um, and I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists and I was like "So, this thing happened ... and I wasn't really sure ... It just seems weird now to me looking back," and all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use.

Um, and I was being hurt in my last relationship. And it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. Um, I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted with an anonymous account. But in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. Um, and all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

Um, and I was so mad at myself because I was lying to, um, at a certain point to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it'd make him look really bad. Um, I didn't think that I would cry and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

Um, but he always cared more about how it looked and that was really important, not what was true. Um, and it was really subtle. When I hear about, um, when I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching, um, so I thought that this wasn't violent enough, um, to be abuse. Uh, I thought that it was just like a constant accident that he kept hurting me. Um, but he's not hitting me and it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me.

Uh, he had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had had this habit since he was a kid. And even his mom said that that was true. And he said it was just affectionate and that that might have been — I mean, I think that that might have been true, maybe, at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie, but that's just my personal opinion, um, and I had no problem with just biting, that isn't even the most uncommon thing, um, but he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag, um, and he wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me. Which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before. And so why would I call it abuse? And why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable. Um, but of course I was because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

Um, and then he did, for the first time, by accident, uh, and I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant, um, I thought that it would only happen once, and he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently, um, but he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me, um, so we were gonna use a safe word, um, so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended.

Uh, and saying that out loud now doesn't sound — Like, that's not very sound logic. Um, but at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me. But in reality, it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. Um, that shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. Um, and then I have to laugh it off because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of all of our friends and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned and that's not anybody's fault because I was lying. I was lying and it wasn't fine because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was. How much I didn't like being hurt all the time and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it and I tried telling him over and over again because he wasn't actually trying at all to not hurt me, um, but he said he would try, at first, and then he started saying things like it was my pain tolerance that was too low, or I'm exaggerating how much it actually hurts. He's not even biting that hard. I'm, I'm being dramatic. Um, but his biting escalated to a point where I was covered in bruises all over my arms and they hurt and he would poke at them for fun. And he even felt so comfortable showing off my bruises that he had caused to our friends because he would bite me so hard by accident, "by accident." He would even joke that it looked like he abused me. Um, and eventually he did acknowledge how bad it looked that I was covered in bruises all the time. So he stopped, um, biting my arms as often. And he started biting my legs instead. Um, and it was in the last couple of months of the relationship that every time he bit me, it was until I needed to use this safe word. Um, it had become his benchmark for when to stop.

Only once I was definitely hurt, um, which meant I was being hurt every single day, um, multiple times a day, uh, for all of the days that we spent together in person. And when I asked him to stop again, this time he said, "This is who he is. He isn't going to change." Those were his words. And I remember a lot of, specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end.

Um, because I'm good at remembering words and especially his wording. I became really good at remembering because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. And — But he would fight me on it sometimes 'cause I would po- I would point it out and, uh, he would insist that he had never said the thing that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" Um, and he definitely said the things that I heard him say and other people heard him say.

So, he had, now at this point, weaponized the safe word and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis. And he wasn't sorry anymore. Um, I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore because now sometimes he would bite me and I would yell out the safe word because it hurts so bad and he'd clamp down even harder and, just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go and sometimes I'd say the safe word and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin and sometimes he'd smile after, um, like a gloating grin?

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous. Gagging daily, um, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends.

Um, but I felt so unwanted and ignored. Um, and I would tell him that and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true, like the, "I love you." "I love you more," but he was like, really serious about it.

Um, and looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100 percent love bombing. Um, and we were friends for a time. Um, at least people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word friend very loosely because, um, we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together when, like a handful of times throughout the, the whole time that we knew each other, um, but did not talk to each other.

So I wouldn't have even called him my friend until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship and then that friendship turned romantic and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. Um, he called me his soulmate. He talked about "forever" one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in five years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out and I didn't have a preference because I — My feeling of it is that the timing is right and with the right person, I could, um, but if that doesn't work out in time or the time, you know, I, I'm not super pressed about it. Um, but I started opening my mind up to the idea with him because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was, later on, when I could tell things like, were declining.

And, um, now all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. Um, and I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know.

I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. Um, and I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said, now, "I'm not the co-" quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that.

Why are you dating me?

In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. Uh, he would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted to, like, he wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear. And uh, I have though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff and I, again, I didn't want to, it wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over, uh, which isn't normal for me.

I hate lies. Um, and yet I ended up lying for him. So, uh, but he had lied about big things and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do. And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time.

We were not going to see each other very much, a few days out of every few months, um, and now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. Um, at one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple of months. At another point, he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting him- contradicting himself in the same conversation.

And with no time to do anything about it. I arrived — the one of — Never mind. I'm gonna get to something later, but I literally arrived for three days for this conversation to happen and then leave. Um, my cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now — Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

Um, so no time to fix any of the problems all the sudden because there are three days before he leaves and he insisted he did not want to break up. He, and so, he was expecting me to have a solution somehow, magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise, um, whatsoever.

And he said that "the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility," towards the end. Also his words. Um, so it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him. And he was at this point, basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. Um — she's eating my laundry. Please don't cause problems. — Um, and I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little and he — I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who, who just happened to ask and just wasn't me. So, um, and he also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money.

In fact, he said that himself. He, uh, that was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together. Because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. Um, and I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted to.

Um, but then he also admitted to me that he had grown resent- uh, he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud. A lot of these bits he said out loud. Because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out.

He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason. Like, there was no reason to feel that way and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel. Um, but, I don't know, I think, there, I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happen the way that they did and why he was lying all of the time.

Um, but, he was "resentful" of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change, and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him.

And I didn't even want to. Um, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after, um, what it really was that had happened. That he had abused me. And, in fact, we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. Um, and then he never spoke to me again. Uh, outside of like a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, um, so at least I got my clothes back, uh, I had a whole closet full.

However, uh, he did throw away all of my other things, uh, without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word, and I didn't block him till ten months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. Um, but, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, uh, and he would never talk about how he felt. Um, I, I think he even, I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner. Like, there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Like, not even a chance, because three days before he left, that was actually a lie too, also.

He didn't leave for another week after I left. He, he brought me in, had this three day conversation, he was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left, uh, with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates too.

Um, but I do believe that there, uh, that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know because of the safe word that he made.

Uh, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me and he didn't care. And even looked like he was enjoying it, sometimes. Um, and I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. Um, there was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me.

And I couldn't do it, obviously. And he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people? That's insane. Um, and I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

Um, he had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he "was just waiting for things to change on their own." Um, he said he also "didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for." Um, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me.

Uh, and he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were, uh, long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. Uh, and then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

Um, and I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean, um, he lived in filth like I have never seen, and I've seen filth. This was the worst. Uh, he would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. Uh, he got an ant infestation once, um, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said, he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," um, so I had to buy Antkiller. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months, and months, and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, that's mould. It's mould. He complained about being tired all the time too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mould will do that too.

But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months. But it's not mould. Um, when I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Um, just, he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets.

Um, and I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how and I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing and I was like, "He just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him." Um, and then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there because he just waits for me to get there to do it.

Um, and I only found out about that after we broke up because he said it behind my back. Uh, I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear. I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. Um, but I had my own bathroom.

Um, all the, all the cleaning, all the laundry. All of it. I was paying for. All of the, um, like paper towels, like soap, all of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. Um, I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too.

Um, I was paying for food more than half the time. Uh, because he would often push me into ordering food for us even if I had paid for the last meal, or the meal before that. Um, and I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. Um, none at all, but I wanted to at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing like a back and forth. Um, but, uh, I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time too. Um, but I was also paying for every plane ticket and the cat sitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England.

Um, and he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me because he paid for the flights that we would both take. Um, but that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that, that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself, but I was telling him that I couldn't afford it, uh, all by myself all the time because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. Uh, that was like the basis of our entire relationship starting off. Um, so then he agreed to pay for the cat sitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. Um, and he did that once, and then never did it again, uh, despite many more months of dating.

Uh, and I was traveling often. Um, I had to. Because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose, choose, to not spend it on me because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me. Often.

Um, and I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time. And I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, uh, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first.

Um, and then at the end of the relationship, he said, "Maybe things would have been different if I lived there." If I lived there. Uh, like I had said I would the whole time and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship. Um, and I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous.

Um, he was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. Uh, his actions escalated, um, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. Uh, and I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. Um, I want people to see the signs that I refused to.

I want you to listen to your body. Um, and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

Um, I really thought I, I couldn't — Because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship, I just thought I was so much smarter. To never — and I was like, "if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time." But you, you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse, and worse, and worse, until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew, and, and didn't care.

That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? What? It wasn't violent enough." Um, but I was being hurt multiple times every single day. Days, and days, and days, and days, for a month at a time in a row, uh, and I'm not even speaking on most, because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person.

I don't think that most people can be defined in a black and white, you're good or you're bad, but I do believe that there is a line that you can cross and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line. You know what I mean? Um, and I watched a couple of things cross that line. And I just, I, I truly feel now that my soul is so healed.

Um, I am light years beyond him. Uh, this was the last thing that I felt like I needed to do — That's my cat. — Um, before I could move forward and hopefully never talk about him ever again. Outside of maybe my stories that I want to tell about other shitty things he did. Anonymously mixed in with the other stories I still have of shitty things that shitty exes did.

Because I think it's important for us to share our stories and our experiences. I think it's important for all of us to know that we deserve so much better than this. Um, and I think that if people don't want us to talk about the shitty things that they do, then they shouldn't do shitty things. Um, and this just felt so important to share.

I always wanted to share my experiences. I always will. Um, and that's kind of it. That's it. That's the end of everything I prepared. I reserve the right, uh, entirely to change my mind later and tell every story I want to, um, but for now that's all I really have, I feel like, from my soul, I want to speak on. Because I think that this can help other people.

I think that it can help other victims. Um, I have already talked to a number of — I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people. Um, but I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were through, uh, with me through this whole thing. And my friends who also were experiencing similar, similar sorts of situations, um, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So, um, I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people — I did it again. — I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today. Um, but I am gonna go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately gonna go become distracted by watching Love Is Blind. I already watched all of it already and I don't care.

So thank you, um, for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. Um, um, I am going to be taking, uh, the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday and I'll be back next week and, uh, you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably. But, uh, thank you all. I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Um, go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now and I'll see you guys later. Bye.

Wilbur's response:

In the past week a series of allegations have been made over my conduct from an ex-girlfriend. I want to emphasise that, although I feel it fair to offer my perspective, this person's feelings are completely valid. I have taken my time sharing this statement as I wanted to process and respond respectfully and with the hope to gain a deeper understanding for the situation.

During our relationship's final months, I regrettably became slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish. These actions caused a lot of pain to my ex-girlfriend and I've since sought therapy to address these behaviours, making significant lifestyle changes to rectify my past actions. I have come to realise how much my past behaviour hurt this person, but I truly, compassionately believe I have made great strides from the person I once was and hope I can continue to grow and improve on this trajectory.

The allegation of abuse, particularly in the form of biting, deeply shocked me. Throughout our relationship, I understood from our numerous conversations and text message exchanges on the subject, that this behaviour was consensual, playful and reciprocally enjoyed. I truly believe those personal message exchanges reflect mutual affection and understanding. Out of respect for her, I choose not to publish them and I emphasise my perspective is not shared to diminish or invalidate anyone's feelings. Instead I share it in the hope that I can offer a genuine, fair and relevant insight into my understanding of the situation. While I may perceive our interactions differently, I recognise that this person has processed and expressed feelings of hurt. I want to extend my sincerest apologies for any pain that I caused.

I am fully committed to understanding and addressing her concerns going forward. I hope my perspective sheds light on this situation without detracting from its message. I am dedicated to earning and maintaining the trust of those around me and hope I continue to be held to these high standards I wish to attain and maintain.

- Will

Shubble's response:

i could not have imagined what i would wake up to today. my ex pretending he thought i enjoyed being hurt... and all of my friends immediately coming to my defense. The support has brought me to tears, i don't even know what to say. i'll be back, i'll just be taking a little time

and for the record, i don't accept the apology

#shelby #shelby shubble #wilbur situation #Youtube

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auras-moonstone · 3 months

Text

the one — jack champion

word count: 940

pairing: jack champion x interviewer!fem!reader

summary: y/n interviews her boyfriend jack at the sundance festival and they reminisce their last interview where they met a year ago.

warnings: fluff. this is a continuation of one of the first stories i wrote, it’s called enchanted to meet you ! i recommend you read it first to fully understand.

After Jack asked Y/N out for dinner, the two of them became inseparable and started dating soon enough. The fans were ecstatic, having been cheering for them to get together the moment that interview was made.

Now, a year later, they were both flying to Salt Lake for the Sundance Festival, where Y/N would be interviewing and Jack’s new movie Freaky Tales would be screening. They were both excited for it because now they would be there supporting each other as a couple.

“Hi! You seem familiar.” Jack spoke with a teasing smile as he approached his girlfriend for an interview. The feeling of deja vu warmed his heart.

“Hi, Jack. Looking very handsome today.” she smiled tenderly. “Are you going to show me your socks this time?”

“Ugh, stop it.” he laughed as he covered his face in embarrassment.

“So, tell me about Lucid.” Jack started telling the viewers more about his character, and Y/N watched him with a smile on her face. She was so happy to be sharing this with him that she felt like crying, “What’s your favorite thing about the movie?”

“I absolutely love that it is set in the 80s. I actually have been trying to get in the mood during the filming, I made this playlist filled with punk music from that decade.”

“I’ve seen some pictures. The outfits were super cool.” his girlfriend added. “Are we going to see you covered in blood again?”

“Guess you’ll have to see for yourself.” he smirked. Y/N threw him a pleading glance. “You can’t use your girlfriend powers against me. That’s not fair, you know I can’t resist that look.”

“I’m doing it for the people. This was a highly requested question on twitter.” Y/N shrugged.

“Fine, just because it’s you.” he said with a grin. “Yes, I will be covered in blood.”

“Yes!” she exclaimed excitedly.

“What is it with you and blood?” he shook his head laughing.

“I’ll answer that when there’s no camera.” she blushed and he raised and eyebrow in amusement. “Moving on, is there something on your schedule for the next months?”

“Well, the shooting for Avatar 4 starts in a couple of weeks. Other than that, no. Just enjoying my time with my family and my very gorgeous, lovely, and very amazing interviewer, girlfriend.”

Y/N actually giggled, in front of the camera, like a schoolgirl with a crush. He was going to be the death of her. “Well, good for you, Jack. Thank you for your time.”

“For you? I always have time.” he winked. “Text me when you’re done with the interviews, remember you’re also here as my date.”

“How could I forget.” she laughed. “I’ll see you later. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you, too. I love you.” he wanted to kiss her so bad, but that would definitely be inappropriate so he settled for a tight hug.

“I love you.” she answered right before he left to take pictures.

An hour later, they were finally able to be together again. They were both dragging their feet towards the hotel, absolutely exhausted and drained. Plus, it was so cold that their fingers itched and their toes were practically numb.

“The interview made me a bit emotional.” Y/N spoke. Jack looked at her, urging her to go on. “It made me think of our last interview together, the day we met. I was so nervous that day, and when you appeared it both got worse and better.”

“Why?”

“On one hand, you were so gorgeous that it made me panic. I was scared that my tiny crush would ruin my first interview. And then, you started talking and subtlety guiding me through it… it instantly felt natural. I don’t think I would’ve been as good if I had to interview anyone else.”

“I think you’re wrong. You were just nervous because it was your first, you would’ve figured it out anyways. Yes, we did have an instant connection, but you’re an amazing interviewer. You love your job, you are passionate about it, and that makes people feel comfortable, because you make it like less of a dread.”

Y/N’s sight got blurred by the tears. “Thank you for saying that.”

“I’m just telling the truth, love. I watch every single interview you’ve done, and not once you had made people feel uncomfortable. You’re respectful, sweet and understanding. And you’ve grown so much, I meant it when I said I’m proud of you.”

“I meant it, too. That I’m proud of you and that I love you.”

“I love you, I’ll never get tired of saying it. And I got emotional, too. The deja vu hit me like a truck. I can’t believe it’s been one year. It seems so long ago, but at the same time it feels like time flew by so quickly.”

“Right?!” she exclaimed in agreement. “The interview I was dreading ended up changing my life for the better.”

“You’re so sweet.” he pressed a kiss on the tip of her nose. “I was smitten from the start, literally everyone called me out.”

Y/N laughed. “Maybe I wasn’t as obvious as you, because of the nerves and everything, but I was too. You were so charming.”

“Did I enchant you with my Ghostface socks?”

“Oh, most definitely. That was what made me know you were the one.”

“Am I the one?” he asked, losing the playful tone they had been exchanging.

“I know we’re only nineteen, but I feel like you are it for me.”

The words made his chest clench, in the best way possible. Looking down at her adoringly, he said “You’re it for me, too.”

haunted.ethan i didn’t realize how much i missed this🥺

fearlesslandry one year apart, same expressions of awe😫🫶🏻 best couple ever.

aurasmoonstone okay but i want to know what’s the answer to “what is it with you and blood?” 🤨

y/n.y/l/n that he looks so hot covered in blood😫

jackchampion oh? ☺️ y/n.y/l/n

y/n.y/l/n yes you should only take roles where blood is involved 😙 jackchampion

jackchampion consider it done y/n.y/l/n

y/n.y/l/n okay sidney prescott jackchampion

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wonwoonlight · 9 months

Text

;) / choi seungcheol

➝ Seungcheol x Reader

➝ idol!au // est relationship // nothing but fluff // reader is an idol too // takes place in this universe

➝ word count: 1.8k

a/n: happy birthday, cheol! just smth short that i wrote for his bday <3 enjoy💕 not proofread lmao

“Hi.” Seungcheol waves at the camera, waiting for more people to tune in. It’s a random Thursday when he suddenly feels like doing a live, and after confirming with the company that he’ll just be doing a short one, they simply tell him to be careful. He’s long enough in his career to be doing lives on his own in his place, and with him being a leader and all, if there’s any member that they can be sure wouldn’t make a mistake during a live unsupervised, it’d be him.

Or if he makes any, well, it wouldn’t be anything like Mingyu did last month. After all, Seungcheol is currently in a publicly revealed relationship with another idol and that automatically means he’s more careful than anyone.

“I’m at home.” He leans forward to see the comments better, resting his chin on his palm. “Just suddenly felt like turning on the live because I wasn’t doing anything.”

“Huh? ‘Why is the live title different?’ What do you–ah.” He taps on his phone seeing that he accidentally titled his live ‘;)’ instead of the usual smiley face. “I must’ve made a typo.”

He continues to communicate like that, smiling to himself at the sweet questions they ask about you even though he doesn’t answer them as much as he wants to. Yeah, it’s been a year since he went public with his relationship, but the both of you have been keeping it low regardless. He would’ve shown you off everywhere if he could, but you’re more private than he is and he agrees to follow your lead because he’s fine with whatever you’re comfortable with.

At least most of the fans react positively to the news, which is thankfully still the case seeing as how he only sees so little hate comments when it comes to you. He wishes there isn’t any, but with this industry… he can only be thankful that only a very small part of people who claim to be his fans are against his relationship.

He’s just happy he has you by his side.

“It’s my day off today. I don’t have any schedules after this because I did my work out in the morning. Have you guys had dinner? I’m thinking of–” He pauses in the middle of his sentence at the sound of his door opening, eyes turning frantic at the sight of you who don’t seem to realize that he’s currently live.

“Hi! I came early becau–” You press your lips together when you finally notice the phone propped up in front of him, and if that’s not enough, his panicked eyes tell you enough that he’s doing a live.

You’ve promised to drop by later tonight, but because your lesson ends early, you decide to just drive to his place because you want to see him already. Giddy at the prospect of surprising him, you forgot to consider that this is very possible to happen, something that you actually have discussed with Seungcheol before.

Seungcheol glances at the comment section, heart light with relief at how fans are freaking out: asking if it’s you and they’re all asking him if you can join the live even for a bit.

“I’m doing a live.” He says for the sake of it, his eyes sorry despite the giddiness in his heart for some reason. You know what he’s asking you though–do you want to join me? Do you want to wait outside? Should I pretend that you’re someone else?

You also know that Seungcheol has been wanting to just… be with you in public. It’s not something he says out loud, but you know him and you know it’s something that he’s always desired. He just wants to love out loud, wants to share what–who–makes him happy with his fans.

Should I say hi? You mouth at him, in which your answer comes in the form of his frantic face melting into a big, giddy smile in a matter of seconds.

“Hi.” You shyly wave at the camera as Seungcheol moves to give you space. “Sorry I disturbed your live. I didn’t know Seungcheol was doing one.”

“They’ve been asking about you anyway.” Seungcheol jokes, nudging you a little. “It’s like they come here to see you.”

You scrunch your nose in embarrassment, still not sure how to act with your boyfriend in front of the camera. You’re used to having him to yourself–not like this, but you can’t help but admit that it does make you giddy to be able to do this with him.

“There’s no way. Anyway, I can just wait outside so don’t feel pressured to end this quickly, okay?”

Noooo, stay with us!!

Don’t go!!! We’re happy to have you here🥺

Do you really have to go?

“See? They all want you here.” Seungcheol grins, getting more and more comfortable the more he sees positive comments about you. He laughs when he catches a funny one, points it at you and reads it to everyone. “Look at this ‘You’re so pretty. Do you need a girlfriend? Dump Seungcheol and come to me?’. I can’t believe you guys are already trying to steal her from me.”

You laugh incredulously, cheeks already hurt from smiling too much.

“Maybe if you make a better ramyeon than him.” You play along. “Seungcheol makes a very good ramyeon, you know?”

“Ah, good to know my cooking ability is a dealbreaker for you.” He nods in satisfaction before proceeding to tell his fans about a recipe he recently tried to make. “Invite her on Coups Coups? Heh, she doesn’t know how to cook.”

“Hey!”

“What? It’s true!”

“Yeah, but still…” You pout, and Seungcheol has to physically restrain himself from kissing the pout off your lips.

“She knows how to bake, though.” He turns back to the camera. “Perhaps we can do a baking episode someday. We’ll see.”

You stay there for another three minutes before excusing yourself, telling him once again that you’re fine waiting so he doesn’t need to end the live quickly for your sake. Waving at the camera and thanking the fans for being kind, you plop down on the sofa in the living room and allow yourself to be giddy for a few moments before texting your manager to let him know about what has just transpired.

It’s almost fifty minutes later that Seungcheol steps out of his room, his grin widens when he sees you playing with your phone. His heart also blooms in size, as much as he’s seen fans supporting you two on the internet, it’s entirely different to be with you on camera and see firsthand how his fans interact with you. He’s glad the experience seems to be pleasant for the both of you, and suddenly wonders if it can be a thing now that this has started.

“Oh, you’re done?” You look up before putting your phone to the table, immediately melt into his side when Seungcheol sits beside you. He doesn’t answer you though, simply cups your cheeks and dives into your lips like he’s been wanting to do since earlier. You smile into the kiss, fingers grasping his shoulder to balance yourself. You feel him smile also, and it’s then that you pull away and share a giggle with each other. “Don’t you look happy.”

“Mmhm. I was finally able to show you off and my fans love you, this day can’t get any better.” He admits before kissing you on the forehead and pulls away.

“Finally, huh?” You scrunch your nose in embarrassment, though he can tell that you share the sentiment. “Have you talked to your manager about it?”

“Yeah. It’s fine, we didn’t do anything wrong and presumably didn’t say anything wrong. They’re monitoring it immediately, though, just in case.”

“Unlike Mingyu?”

You laugh at his unimpressed expression, only now finding the whole situation funny because Seungcheol, being the leader and all, was quite stressed about it at first.

“Did your manager say anything?”

“No. They… my management has actually been saying that it’s really up to me if I want to appear in public with you.” Seungcheol finds his heart fluttering at how shy you seem to be, the usual telltale of your nervousness showing itself as you play with your fingers.

“Yeah?” He wraps his arms around your shoulder, pulling you closer. “And what did you say?”

“I say I’ll talk about it with you.” You look at him, abashed. “Do you… want to? You know we’ve been getting invitations to appear on shows together, right?”

“I want whatever you want, baby.” He buries his nose into your hair, hopes that his voice doesn’t sound too hopeful as not to pressure you. He’d love to take you with him everywhere, but he knows you still find it bothersome and you like to be careful, which he respects. He understands where you’re coming from, and while he agrees that it’s important to be careful, having dated you for years even prior to the public revelation, he also thinks it would be fun to be able to appear in public with you. “You know I don’t mind anything as long as I’m with you.”

You’re silent for a bit, thinking about how you’ve actually also been wanting to do shows with him. It’s surely going to be different from the short live earlier, but the positive interactions with his fans make you somewhat hopeful and you admit that it’s making you crave for more interactions in the future.

“Perhaps we can start with our self-produced contents first?” You suggest and Seungcheol squeezes your shoulder a little too tight out of excitement. “Baking, you said earlier? And we’ll see after.”

“You’re serious?”

Shrugging, your smile extends into a grin at how happy Seungcheol seems to be. If this is how he looks at the idea of it, you can’t help but imagine how happy he’d be once the idea actually comes to life. “I don’t see why not.”

You yelp when he suddenly pulls you into his lap, hugging you so tight that you can’t help but laugh. You’re pretty sure the loud heartbeat you’re hearing is his, though you won’t be surprised too if it turns out to be yours either way.

“You know, one of the fans asked if I can just name the live with the emoji I used today if you’re ever going to come again in the future.”

“Oh? You used a different smiley face today?”

“By mistake. What do you say? Are you up to more lives with me in the future?”

You pretend to think about it, consider telling him no as a joke but decided against it when you see just how much his eyes are shining in expectation, probably already thinking of a hundred schedules that he can do with you by his side.

“I want whatever you want.” You repeat his words, heart fluttering about what the future might have in store for you and him. And when you see him smile, one of the happiest you’ve ever seen on his face, you know that things are going to be okay as long as you get to keep that smile on his face.

#seungcheol scenarios #caratwritersclub #seungcheol fluff #seventeen scenario #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen fic #seventeen au #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagines #seungcheol imagines #scoups fluff #scoups scenarios #scoups imagines #khione.fics

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avatar-anna · 29 days

Text

Workday Blues

2024 Masterlist

i wrote this weeks ago after a co-worker had me seeing red lol

"I just don't get it, H," you sighed, leaning back against the leather seat of your car as you waited for the light to change. Your voice felt strained, and you knew you sounded whiny, but you couldn't help it. After a long shift at work, you told yourself you reserved the right to complain. "Why can't people just, I don't know, do the job they showed up to do and get paid for?"

"I'm sorry, bub," Harry said, his voice tinny as it filled up your car. "Did you talk to your manager?"

You scoffed. "There's no point, but I swear I wanted to tell them I didn't want to work that shift anymore. I'm just so sick of—of—doing more than what's required of me and not being compensated for it."

Harry remained quiet over the phone. At this point in your relationship, he knew when you wanted his advice and when you just needed to vent about your job. The latter happened more and more as of late. Sometimes you felt bad for being so negative, but after nine hours of being overly positive as a restaurant server, you didn't have much positivity left in you.

"Need me to leave you a review again?" Harry finally asked.

Despite your exhaustion, you smiled. "What's that, now? The third one this month?"

"Fourth. Three and a half. I had Mitch leave one after the, what did you call it, 'influencer incident?'" he asked, referring to an afternoon where someone tried to pay for their meal by posting a video online.

"Hm. I'll have to bring him a slice of pie the next time I visit the studio."

"Hey, what about me? Where's my pie?"

Grin widening a bit, you said, "I'll give you something better."

"And...how far from home are you now?"

"Pulling in right now. I'll see you inside."

You pulled into the home you shared with Harry, resting your forehead against the steering wheel once the car was in park. Your feet hurt, you smelled like the food your restaurant served, and you desperately needed to take your makeup off. Sometimes you wondered why you were still putting yourself through all of this, and Harry definitely did too. For years now, Harry promised to take care of you, to take care of your student debt so you could focus on your career and not be so tired and unhappy. He didn't say it often because it typically led to an argument about independence and needing to be able to take care of yourself, but you knew how he felt, and after days like today, the idea of letting someone else take care of you financially seemed more appealing than it normally did.

Sighing, you slid out of the car, gathering your lunch bag and purse before shuffling into the house on slippered feet. "H?" you called, eyes lighting up when you heard the sound of nails scraping against wood floors. A shadow of jet black fur whipped around the corner and bounded toward the entrance hall to you, tongue out and tail wagging.

"Hi, pookie! How's my sweet boy?" you cooed. Hades nudged your leg with his nose, and you bent down to run your hands over his soft puppy fur until he eventually fell onto his back in need of belly rubs.

"You talking to me?" Harry's voice sounded like it came from the kitchen, which you followed once you straightened up and your dog was finished licking your face.

"You're gonna eat your words when you get your cute butt over here."

"I live with two boys, and only one of them greets me excitedly without fail. You do the math," you joked.

You smiled and shook your head at the comment. Harry knew your feelings about your "unflattering" work uniform, so he often went out of his way to compliment you whenever you were in it.

When you finally made it to where Harry was standing at the kitchen counter, tears nearly welled up in the corners of your eyes. "Is that—"

"Wild Cherry Pepsi," he said, his grin wide and knowing as he read your expression. "With pebbled ice. And dinner, but I know you care more about the drink with that sugar addiction of yours."

"You know me so well," you said, your voice rising in pitch as your head bowed.

"Aw, come here, bub." You shuffled over the last few steps to Harry, folding right into his welcoming embrace.

His body was firm and comforting against yours, his t-shirt soft beneath your cheek. Breathing in deep, you wrapped your arms around Harry's torso, letting every frustration you felt at work fall away as he held you.

"Thank you," you mumbled, tilting your head up after a minute or two had passed.

Harry smoothed his hand over your hair and down your back, pulling at the hair tie that held your braid in place all day. "For what?"

You shrugged, eyes closed as he began to pull the strands of your braid apart. "I don't know. For being you, for not suggesting I should quit when I know you want to."

"Another time," Harry promised. Pulling out a chair at the kitchen table, he gestured for you to sit down. You practically fell into the chair, feeling like you could finally relax as you took the plastic to-go cup into your hands and took a sip. Your eyes closed, feeling as though you could fall asleep right then even though you knew you should probably eat. As if he could tell you were on the brink of sleeping, Harry asked, "Do you want to keep talking about work or are you ready to forget?"

Harry wasn't being rude, nor was he belittling your frustration. You'd done this song and dance a time or two, but some days required you to vent more than others.

Around the straw, you said, "Can I?"

He sat beside you, taking Hades in his lap, who was happy to be held even though he was getting way too big for it. Usually, you chided Harry for holding Hades like that, but you were too tired, and honestly, it was kind of cute.

You talked while you ate, and Harry listened, letting you get everything you needed off your chest. He was quiet but attentive, apologizing for things out of his control and cursing your co-workers when you did. None of it would really improve the situation at work, but you always appreciated Harry's willingness to listen when you needed him to, and share in your anger and frustration when necessary.

Standing from the table, you took your plate and put everything in the dishwasher. Grabbing your plastic cup in one hand and Harry's hand in the other, you said, "I think I'm all done."

Harry kissed your temple before pulling you up the stairs toward your bedroom. Hades snaked between you and him to run ahead, waiting on the landing impatiently. "Good, because the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City won't wait for just anyone."

"Not a reading night, huh?" you asked, resting your head on his shoulder. Harry looked down and raised his brows in an expression that expressed he was not, in fact, going to be cracking open his book tonight. Kissing his cheek, you said, "Go ahead and start the next episode, baby. I'm gonna hop in the shower and wash my day off."

Harry, who'd been on his way to do just that, paused and frowned. "Well now I want to watch something else."

Grinning, you held out your hand while you continued to sip your drink. "Come on."

Hades, who had already claimed his spot at the edge of your bed, tilted his head to one side, clearly confused as to why his parents were walking away instead of joining him. "We'll be quick," you promised, even though you knew your dog didn't understand. But the message was for Harry too.

When you were finally in bed, watching Harry's show through eyes that were struggling to stay open, you looked up from where you resting against his shoulder. Harry's glasses were perched on his nose, his eyes focused on the television in front of him as he ran his hand idly over Hades' fur, who had conveniently found his way onto your lap once you settled into bed for the night.

"If you insist," Harry said on an exhale, turning the shower on and setting it to a temperature he knew you both liked.

"Be honest," you said suddenly. "I'd be happier if I quit, right?"

Harry was quiet, but you knew he'd heard you. He was just weighing his words. "Is another job lined up in this alternate universe?" he finally asked.

"I don't know, maybe. They argue quite a bit, though. Don't think you want to be part of all that drama," he replied, taking the remote and pausing his show. He looked down at you, eyes soft but perhaps a little concerned. You'd never considered his offer of letting him provide for you this seriously before. "Honestly? I think you'd get bored, bub."

You shrugged. "I don't know. You've said you'd always take care of me. What if I just...let you? I could be one of them," you mused, nodding your head at the women on your TV.

A nod and a noncommittal hum was your only response for a few seconds until you'd gathered your thoughts. "I'm just so...tired. I'm tired of everything I do not being appreciated. I'm tired of not being supported. I love my regulars and I like most of my co-workers, and part of me feels a sense of loyalty to this place despite, well, everything."

"We'll do some job hunting tomorrow," Harry said. "I'll help you update your resume, you'll send some feelers out, and we'll go from there. How does that sound?"

"I could get a remote job," you mused. "I'd get to be home more. I could travel more with you."

Harry kissed the top of your head. "As much as I would love that, I think your strengths lie in the connections you make with people. You certainly charmed the pants off me."

"Literally or metaphorically?"

"Both."

You grinned, cheeks reddening as you recalled the night you first met Harry.

*.*

"Holy shit you're Harry Styles."

Your hand immediately clapped over your mouth, as if physically covering it would keep you from embarrassing yourself further. In your defense, it was the first time a celebrity sat in your section at work, and no one had thought to warn you. And Harry Styles, no less. The man in front of you was probably still immortalized on your childhood bedroom wall, and now you'd all but outed yourself as a fan when he'd no doubt wanted some privacy.

"I'm so sorry, I—" How were you supposed to recover from this? Harry stared at you with a small smile, a pitying one, no doubt. God, you had one opportunity to act cool in front of a celebrity and you blew it in less than ten seconds. "I'm sorry, let me start over. Hi, I'm Y/n, and I'll be taking care of you today. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Just a water please," Harry replied, his voice soft as his smile widened, which made you think that perhaps he thought you making an absolute fool out of yourself was at the very least amusing.

Once you made it back to the service station to retrieve his water glass, you gave yourself exactly one minute to collect yourself. "He's just another customer. An extremely attractive customer," you murmured, grabbing a pitcher of water from the fridge. "You can do this, Y/n. Pull yourself together."

From there, things went smoothly. You acted like you hadn't freaked out when you initially greeted Harry's table, and Harry was thankfully on board with that plan. He was polite, wasn't fussed when a dish he wanted couldn't be made vegetarian, and was surprisingly interested in making conversation with you anytime you were at his table.

"How long have you worked here?"

"Too long," you joked. "Sometimes I feel like there's a bit of Stockholm Syndrome with this place, but the tips are good."

Your eyes widened a bit when you realized he might think you were making a joke about one of his songs—which you absolutely weren't trying to do—but you didn't comment on it, and thankfully neither did he. You talked a little bit more about the career you did want to get into, and casually asked what brought him to the restaurant you worked at. It wasn't one celebrities tended to frequent, but perhaps that was its charm to Harry.

"Had a day to myself, just thought I'd do some exploring," he explained before you left him to enjoy his meal.

You'd gotten a couple more tables since then and couldn't go over and talk to Harry like you wanted, but perhaps that was for the best. You flitted around the restaurant floor like you always did, charming customers and taking complaints in stride with a smile. Tips were key, and snarky comments or not being accommodating would get you nowhere with certain customers, even if it did kill you inside just a little bit to see an insufferable person get their way.

You didn't realize it at the time, but according to Harry, he watched you—not in a creepy way, per his recollection of your first meeting. He watched you chat with regulars and help your co-workers place orders and carefully placate disgruntled customers. And all the while, you still managed to stop by his table, smiling and topping off the coffee he ordered after he ate, which, according to him he'd done just so he could keep talking to you.

Apparently, he'd been working up the courage to flirt with you when you finally set the check down on the table. "No rush," you said with a smile before heading to another table, a party of ten that you accidentally huffed to him was supposed to be a party of five.

Harry paid, then smiled when his bill and credit card came back to him. Sorry for acting like an idiot earlier. It was nice meeting you! you'd written on the receipt, adorning it with a smiley face. You watched as Harry smiled as he read your note from Expo before one of the line cooks shouted at you to run the food that was up.

You didn't think you'd ever see Harry again, a universal truth, some might've called it. But for some reason, the notion disappointed you, and not because you didn't get a picture with your teenage crush. It felt bigger than that somehow, which was altogether crazy considering you'd only just met him.

So imagine your surprise when you saw him again two days later. "He was supposed to be in my section, but he insisted on yours. Don't fuck it up," one of your more vile co-workers told you, clearly jealous. And as you saw him, his head bent over the menu and his knee bouncing beneath the booth, your heart leaped in your chest in a way that made you both nervous and excited.

"You forgot something," he said as he closed out his check for the second time that week. Time had passed in a blur, despite it slowing down every time you went over to talk to him, which was to say a lot. It wasn't as busy as the day he first came in, leaving you no choice but to check on him more than you normally would.

"Did I?" you asked, looking down at the bill with furrowed brows.

"Last time I was here, I mean," Harry corrected.

Last time, you thought. All Harry had gotten was a salad and a coffee, but the tip he left was well over half of what your other tables had left that day combined. But you rang everything in correctly. Perhaps he was expecting a discount for his celebrity status? He didn't seem like the type, but that was the only conclusion you were able to draw.

"The note you left," he continued, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. He sat up straighter, giving you a better view of the Keith Harring shirt he wore. "It didn't have your number on it, so I've had to come back the last two days so I could ask you for it. Only now I know you don't work on Mondays."

Shock ran through your entire body, to the point where you couldn't even speak. Harry, Harry Styles, mind you, wanted your number. Badly enough that he'd come back to an average Mom-and-Pop restaurant to get it.

"No, I—I don't," was all you could manage as your entire face heated up.

"I hope I'm not sounding like a creep right now," Harry said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "I realize now I may have participated in some light stalking."

"You're not," you blurted, trying to remember how to speak. You felt like you'd somehow entered an alternate dimension. "Here, hold on."

You pulled your order pad from your back pocket and scribbled your number down, willing your hands to stop shaking. Ripping it off the stack, you handed it to Harry, who took it from you graciously.

"Can I call you later?" he asked, standing up from the booth. You had to back up a couple steps to give him room, and you were now aware of just how tall he was as you craned your neck to look at him.

"Please," you blurted, cursing yourself for sounding so eager. Harry didn't seem to mind, though, smiling as he slipped his phone and wallet into the back pocket of his jeans. "I—I mean, sure. I'm off at eight tonight."

"I'll be counting down the minutes," he said before cursing under his breath. "Shit. I sounded like a stalker again, didn't I?"

A laugh bubbled out of you, making Harry's shoulders relax. "I'll allow it. Just this once."

Harry laughed too, then winked, and you were honestly so proud of yourself for not swooning in front of him. "I guess I'll be talking to you later then, Y/n."

*.*

"You made me so nervous," you said as you recalled the memory of how you'd embarrassed yourself in front of Harry the first time you met.

"I know," he said, laughing when you smacked his arm. "It was cute, though! And you also made me plenty nervous, to be fair."

"That is true," you sighed, grinning a little as you turned your face into his arm. "One of us stalked the other, and it certainly wasn't me."

"Sure, but one of us has posters of the other plastered all over their childhood bedroom."

Scoffing, you sat up and scooted away from him, making Hades bark in protest. "It's one poster. And you weren't even my favorite. Zayn was."

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

"I will."

Sighing, you settled deeper against him, as much as you could considering the puppy still in your lap. "Sometimes I think I keep the job because that's where we met."

"It's okay to let it go. We'll have the memory," Harry promised, his hand meeting yours as he began to scratch Hades' fur. "We'll figure it out. I promise."

Nodding, you reached for the remote and pressed play on the show, content to leave the conversation there. If Harry promised to help you figure it out, then you believed him.

#harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic

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i9messi · 9 months

Text

For me — Pablo Gavi

Gavi is jealous of the way in which everyone seems to be obsessed with you and your food.

Word count — 1,2k

a/n: it's been a long time since the last time I wrote about gavi, but here i am! i've missed my boy

gavi's masterlist

It was Frenkie’s birthday and since you were a friend of his, you had decided to bake a cake for him. Cooking was something you were passionate about and you liked to be able to prepare pastries. Your boyfriend Gavi was the one who enjoyed everything you baked, and even though he was strictly forbidden to eat certain things due to his diet and his profession as a footballer, at the end of the day he always gave some bite to what you prepared.

Mikky had invited you to the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, where you were waiting for the birthday boy to arrive. Today’s training was to end in the next few minutes.

"Hi!"

Pedri was the first to appear, in the company of Ferran Torres and Raphinha. The boys came to greet you, and the first stayed with you, while the other two went with Frenkie's girlfriend.

"How are you, Pedri?"

"Well, better now that I see you brought something to eat. You know you’re my favorite, right?"

Pedri winked at you, accompanying his comment with a smile. He was the only one who had that kind of trust with you.

"I know you’re just saying I’m your favorite so I can give you a bigger slice of cake. It's fine, just don’t tell my boyfriend, he tends to get angry when I give you a bigger slice."

"It’s our secret."

The door opened for the second time and more Barça players appeared, among them, was Gavi. When he noticed your presence, his face lit up and a pretty smile appeared on his lips. Pablo did not hesitate to come to you to give you a kiss, despite having seen him yesterday, you had missed him a lot.

"Hello, my love."

"Hi, amor."

"What are you doing here?"

Well, Gavi was a little forgetful about some things. And as much as you had told him several times that you were baking a cake for Frenkie, he had completely forgotten. When he saw you holding a box with what seemed to contain a cake, the feeling of being betrayed appeared.

"It’s Frenkie’s birthday and Mikky invited me, I brought him a cake."

At the time you didn’t notice the look on Gavi’s face, because you heard that the guys were starting to mention that Frenkie was coming. You handed the cake to Mikky and waited for the arrival of the Barça player. Frenkie appeared just a couple of minutes later, and when everyone shouted his name, he smiled like never before. All of you wished him a happy birthday. His family and girlfriend were the first to approach him, then his teammates, and finally, you.

"You bake me the cake, don't you?"

You nodded, while Araujo complained loudly.

"It’s unfair, I also want a cake for my birthday."

"Yes, so do I. I love the food you make." Ferran Torres also joined in the flattering comments.

Smiling, you approached your boyfriend and hugged him from behind. He was a little serious and you had a feeling something had happened to him. However, you thought you were going to ask him later, because maybe he was just angry about something that had happened in training and with which you had nothing to do with.

Without knowing it, you were wrong. Gavi was jealous of the way everyone was constantly praising you. Maybe it was a childish thought, but you were his. You had chosen him. It was like everyone else wanted to steal a piece of you that only belonged to him.

While everyone started tasting your cake, you went to the kitchen, where there was another box that you had brought. You grabbed it.

"I made macarons too."

"I love you!" shouted Ferran and grabbed one of the macarons.

Gavi didn’t like hearing Ferran say he loved you.

And like every time they ate something you cooked, the compliments started. One by one they came, making you smile. Gavi looked at his teammates and he felt like every comment was worse.

It was Pedri who spoke first.

"Watch out, Gavi, if your girlfriend keeps baking like this, they’re gonna want to steal her from you."

"This is great, could you give me the recipe later?" Raphinha made a passive comment, oblivious to what was happening in the room.

"Yes, sure."

And Ansu Fati joined in the provocations, "If you ever end your relationship with Gavi here I am, I’m not opposed to you cooking me tasty food every single day."

"Oye, tío. I’m here." Gavi complained and you looked at him.

"They’re kidding, they’re just being nice to me. I’m glad they liked what I cook."

Gavi decided to shut up, knowing that his teammates noticed his annoyance and they only did it to make him even more angry. You held his hand all the time and every time you looked at each other, you kissed him. When it was time to leave, you got on an Uber and headed home.

"Do you want to go in? There are more macarons in there, I made them especially for you."

Gavi sighed and nodded.

"Okay."

Your boyfriend got out of the car and the two of you came into your house. You went towards the kitchen, where you brought two glasses of milk and left the macarons on the kitchen table. Gavi ate them quietly and that’s when you knew you had to talk to him.

"What is it, baby?"

"Nothing."

"Are you upset?"

"I’m not."

"Oh, come on. It’s obvious something’s happened to you, you’ve been serious and you barely spoke to me. What’s going on? Did the boys bother you? They were just kidding."

Gavi decided it was time to be honest with you.

"I’m tired of the way they’re always talking about you. It’s like they always find an occasion to mention you in every conversation. They used to say you’re a perfect girlfriend and that they want to steal you from me. And I don’t like it, none of that."

"I don’t like how Ferran was telling you today that he loved you and Ansu saying he was going to steal you from me. I want you to cook for me, not for them. You’re my girlfriend, not theirs."

"Oh, you’re jealous, Gavi."

"Maybe I am. But who wouldn’t be? Seeing you with them while smiling at them annoys me to no end."

"You’re right, Gavi. I’m your girlfriend and let me tell you the truth. I like it when you’re the one telling me you love my food, and I like it when you help me cook and you’re always stealing me little spoonfuls. I love you. There is nothing to worry about. No matter what, the only opinion I care about is yours. The only compliment I care about is yours. I'm so in love with you, Gavi."

And you came over and left a kiss on his lips. Gavi's lips tasted like the chocolate macaron he was eating. During the kiss, he smiled.

"Do you promise me you’ll always be there for me? That doesn’t matter what others might say, will you always be mine?"

"I am and always will be yours, Gavi."

"I love you, amor."

"I love you, bonito."

#pablo gavi one shot #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi blurb #pablo gavi #gavi x reader #gavi imagine #gavi #gavi one shot #gavi fluff #gavi blurb #gavi one shots

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holylulusworld · 2 months

Text

Summary: Broken hearts are hard to put back together. 8 years ago, Dean lost something he didn’t even know he had in the first place. Will he get a second chance?

Pairing: former AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader; Arthur Ketch x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, implied break-up, time jumps, strong reader, Dean being a douche (implied), unplanned pregnancy

A/N: This was an alternative idea for the first chapter of my Bucky story: Monster-in-law masterlist. I decided to use it for a story with Dean.

One night of passion, a life-long responsibility. The words you wrote echo in your mind. It’s only a few days since you left Dean and the house, but you are already falling apart.

You spent the better part of the drive back to your shared home being scared of the future.

Having a baby so soon into your relationship wasn’t in your plans. Neither was it to raise the child alone. Even though you know, there is no way you’ll not love the life growing inside your body.

“Fuck, what do I do now?” You slam the door shut behind you and immediately sink to your knees. You choke out a sob and hide your face in the palms of your hands.

Six days and Dean didn’t even try to call you, nor did he come home.

He’s over you already, and Lisa will take your place. Maybe it never was your place. You were only a placeholder until she came back into the picture.

You grit your teeth and huff. “Fuck you, Dean Winchester.” Something breaks inside of you, and you don’t know if it’s a bad thing.

The part of you loving Dean unconditionally already starts to fade, and the bitch in the back of your mind taking over whenever you got hurt wins the upper hand.

You straighten your back and look at the woman in the mirror staring back at you. You smirk and put your hands on your hips. “I guess this means we are going to leave and start all over again. Don’t worry little bean,” you lovingly run your hand over your belly, “we are going to fucking rock this…”

One last step and your new life can begin. This is it, the point of no return. Your life with Dean is over, and you are not even sorry anymore.

You gave him time and space to realize what he was about to lose. In the end, you and his baby weren’t important enough to him to even try to talk things out.

Even if he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you any longer, he could’ve at least tried to be a father to his child.

Now you will be a father and mother to the bean growing in your belly. You’re strong and won’t back down, or cry over spilled milk.

If you look back at this moment in a few years, you will clap your hands and cheer for yourself. You’re stronger than Dean or anyone else gave you credit for. Everyone believed you’re only the cheerful and soft girl who loves to bake cookies and dreams of marrying the man you love.

A week ago, you were this person.

Today you are someone else. An Amazon, who will take her life in her hands and move on from a man who never loved her…

The takeoff is both exciting and terrifying. You are flying to another country, to live on another continent. Your old life will be in the past, and you can only think about the future from now on.

Holding your old plushie in your hands, squeezing it tightly you take deep breaths. “In and out,” you tell yourself to calm your nerves. Flying always makes you nervous. This didn’t change.

“How do you like first class, Miss Y/L/N,” your new boss asks. He paid for a first-class ticket so you could talk about your new position and the house he rented for you.

“Thank you for inviting me,” you give him a quick smile. Arthur Ketch is a very polite and charming man, but you cannot appreciate him at the moment.

“I have to thank you for accepting our job offer,” he says and dips his head to watch you nervously run your hand over your belly. “How far are you?”

“Oh—” heat creeps into your cheeks. You should’ve told him that you were pregnant before accepting his company’s offer. “I…I should’ve told you.”

“Most of our employees are mothers and fathers, Y/N. We are a family-friendly company with family-friendly work conditions. And the boss likes you, and your reputation.” He smirks now and leans closer to look at your belly.

“Do you think he’ll like that I didn’t tell them about my pregnancy? I didn’t do it on purpose. I got to know about my pregnancy only a few days ago, and I didn’t intend to accept the job offer at that time.”

“You know that I’m the boss, right?” Ketch grins.

“You are the boss now?” Your eyes round. “Since when?”

He shrugs. “I was the one behind the job offer. Robert Singer talked highly about you when we last met. From that moment on, I wanted you to work for us. If I told you back then that I was the CEO of the BMOL you would’ve never accepted our offer.”

“So, you tricked me,” you chuckle. “Lately all men seem to lie to me.” You sigh deeply. “Sorry, that was inappropriate. I didn’t want to…” You sniff. “Sorry.”

“You accepted my job offer because of a bad break-up I assume,” he pats your hand. “It’s alright, Y/N. London is the perfect place to start over. I will show you the town, and help you settle in. If you need help, I’ll be there. We care for our employees.”

“Is that a British thing?” You quirk a brow.

“It’s an Arthur Ketch thing,” he replies. “If you ask me, he’s a fool for letting you go. Sorry. Now I was the one saying inappropriate things, Y/N. You can punch me if you want to.”

“No, you’re right,” you hastily reply. “I gave him a choice, but he just gave up on us after meeting his ex-girlfriend again. The job offer was tempting, but I couldn’t imagine leaving the man I love. He made things so much easier for me. I got a new job and a new life. Maybe I should thank him for being the douche he is.”

“You deserve better,” Ketch softly says. “I know that we barely know each other, but believe me, he’s not worth a single tear. A gentleman should never make a woman cry or hurt her. Especially the one carrying his child.”

You give Ketch a sad smile. You’re embarrassed how easily he saw right through you. It wasn’t your intention to talk about your pregnancy and broken heart with your new boss.

“Y/N don’t worry. Everything we talked about today won’t leave this airplane,” he pats your hand. “If you need a friend, I’ll be there…”

Part 2

#dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #angst #dean winchester x you #Designed by pain (1)#au!dean winchester #tw: pregnancy

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jinkicake · 1 year

Text

Behind Closed Doors

The demons and how they would love you in secret.

Barbatos, Lucifer, Mammon, Satan x Reader

A/N: All week I’ve been trying to write a Luci hate fic but, I can’t finish long works to save my own life soooooooo.... I wrote this instead :-) maybe one day I’ll post the luci fic... maybe not!

WC - 2.2k

~~~

Barbatos plays his role in a secret relationship a little too well. Much to his dismay, he neglects you most nights anyway due to his job and the tasks that come with it so the only time you spend together is those that are in passing. When Barbatos comes to drop something off, he will spend a few moments holding your hand or running his fingers along your jaw. He’s really good at keeping things hush-hush and could probably do so for the rest of your lives.

“How are you, my dear?”

You’ll never understand how Barbatos finds you in the most hidden places, you could be in a closet underneath the stairs in an old hallway and he could still find you in no time. Today, however, you’re in a far corner of the library. Underneath one of the large open windows, you’re tucked behind a curtain in a comfy chair with some old book in your lap. The book is not open as you decide to play on your phone instead.

With Barbatos now here, you decide that you won’t need the mobile device or the book for entertainment.

“I’m alright, how are you?” You sigh into the demon’s touch as he cups your cheek. The butler stands tall beside you as his gloves tickle your skin.

“Don’t worry about me,” He calls you to sleep as his thumb runs over your cheekbone, gently forcing you to relax with his presence and a bit of magic. “how can I make your day better?” Barbatos would do anything to see that your wants and desires are settled.

“By resting with me,” Barbatos frowns at your wish and brushes his fingers against the underside of your jaw.

“You know that I hate to deny you of anything,” He murmurs while keeping his eyes on the tips of his gloved fingers, the demon watches intensely as he runs the digits along your throat. You tilt your head back slightly, closing your eyes and that causes the demon’s breath to hitch. “I can’t give myself to you just yet.” Barbatos leans forward to place a kiss on the corner of your lips. It’s a peck that lingers as he pauses for a few moments before pulling away and pushing the hair from your face. “Please be patient until tonight,”

At the sound of a creak against the wooden floors, the warm touch against your neck is gone and so is the demon. Barbatos is gone before you can even realize it and you sigh out into the air.

“(Y/N)! What a surprise to see you here!” Diavolo exclaims as he comes across you, his arms are held open wide with two heavy books resting in his hands. “Small world, huh?”

“Lord Diavolo, what are you doing here?” You try to keep your heartbeat under control and your face neutral like you weren’t just partaking in a secret rendezvous with his dear friend.

“Well, I had to find a few books for a dinner I’m hosting this weekend. You’re coming along with Lucifer, correct?” Oh, he must be talking about what Lucifer corned you this morning for. You can never turn down a request from the future king nor can you disappoint Lucifer so you’re often at his castle.

Plus you get to see your boyfriend and that is something you can never reject.

“That reminds me, (Y/N), have you seen Barbatos recently? I can’t seem to find him anywhere and he’s always behind me-”

Beloved Lucifer deep down enjoys a secret relationship. He loves having to sneak around with you and the tension that arises from it all. There’s nothing more that he enjoys than stealing a kiss when no one else is looking or meeting you late in your room when everyone else is asleep. He’s a private demon and likes to keep all of his affairs away from the public, you’re his mortal treasure after all and he is not going to ever share you.

“Let’s head to my room! I finally got my hands on a new limited edition-”

“Huh? I thought we were going to the casino.”

“Isn’t it time for dinner?”

Past the nonstop chatter of Levi, Mammon, and Beel, you find yourself trailing slightly behind the group. The afternoon is still young and bright as your classes have just gotten out for the day and you’re more than ready to unwind and go relax.

Perhaps you’ll jump from social media app to social media app to let your mind completely unravel.

Or maybe you’ll go for a walk and listen to the new album from-

In the midst of your thoughts, a hand grabs your wrist and yanks you into a hidden doorway. A screech leaves your lips but the noise is quickly muffled by the demon’s other hand.

“(Y/N)?” Mammon’s voice calls out to you, drowned out from the other side of the door and it is followed by a parroted call of your name from his brothers.

“Maybe they went to the kitchen.” Beel murmurs and you roll your eyes at the sound of his retreading footsteps.

“Maybe they headed to my room early!” Levi is quick to leave right after Beel and only Mammon waits a few moments behind to look things over.

“Ah, stupid human.”

The touch from before comes back stronger now as large palms rest over your shoulders. You recognize this comforting feeling anywhere and lean back into Lucifer’s chest.

“Hello, my love,” Lucifer quietly coos into your ear, squeezing you in his hold for extra emphasis. In his touch, you nearly melt. “how was your day?” “Tiring,” You huff and let your eyes flutter shut under exhaustion.

“Mhm, would you like to come with me?” At Lucifer’s question, you can’t help but peek an eye open to look back at him. The kind smile resting on his face has you nodding in agreement before you can even think about it.

Lucifer leans forward before dipping his head and lowering his face, he ghosts his lips over yours as a point to build anticipation before gently kissing you. For a moment, all that exists are his lips pressed against yours. You just can’t help but kiss back, and at the pressure you enforce, Lucifer cups your jaw. He holds you still while working his lips passionately, pecking you a few times before pulling away just to tease you.

The demon laughs at your pout, he laughs.

Lucifer turns you around in his arms before bending over to kiss you once again. He presses you up against the closet door with one of his hands resting firmly around your waist while the other braces his weight against the door.

He could spend all afternoon kissing you, loving you.

“I’m taking you to my room,” Lucifer murmurs against your lips then briefly licks at the corner of your mouth. You can’t think of any reason why you would ever deny him of this. “tonight will be for you.”

Mammon is greedy. He wants nothing more than to brag about you and show off his relationship to every single person that will listen. Considering Mammon, he would even tell people that wouldn’t listen. It’s no surprise that he grows a little antsy about your ‘secret relationship’ and a bit insecure in himself. Why don’t you want to share him with the world too? Isn’t he as special to you as you are to him?

“Belphie thinks I’m seeing you,” You randomly tell Mammon one afternoon, you’re relaxing on his bed with your upper half hanging off the mattress. The demon sitting beside you on the floor scoffs in response. “it has something to do with the fact that I’m always in your room.” You push yourself up and move to lay on your stomach, you’re now staring at Mammon with your chin resting on the tops of your hands. “Are we being too obvious?”

“Eh? Who cares,” Mammon’s half-assed response does not please you in the slightest, nor does his habit of scrolling through his phone while talking to you. “you’re the one who wants to keep this hidden.”

“With good reason!” You argue back and it’s passionate enough that Mammon glances over his shoulder back at you for a split second. The demon shakes his head in annoyance before looking back at his screen. “It’s only for a bit longer-”

“You’ve been saying that for three months,” The dejection in his voice would have been a lot clearly had you been facing him head-on. You can’t help but sigh. “why can’t we tell anyone?”

“Maybe because you’re a demon and I’m a human,” As you start to poke his cheek, Mammon swats at your hand.

“So?” He doesn’t really get you, it’s not like there are any rules saying that the two of you can’t date.

“And I just like keeping you to myself, I don’t want to share.” Mammon knows you are trying to distract him with your touch, it’s the only reason you’re acting so clingy. He tries to remain as stiff as possible when you wrap your arms around his shoulders but, Mammon can only fake irritation towards you for so long. With a sigh, he falls relaxes against you and tilts his head back to rest on the top of his bed.

“One day I’m going to tell everyone,” He pouts, eyes casted elsewhere in the room. Mammon can’t look at you right now, not with the blush on his face. “they’re all going to know.”

You have to tease him.

“Know what?” Mammon short circuits at your question, he glances at you through his slow blinks before staring back up at the ceiling.

“That we’re- That I-” He fumbles over his words, choking on them as he tries to express himself verbally in any way possible.

“That you?” You push, cooing against his jaw as you press your cheek against his own. The hold you have him in tightens and you can’t help hugging your squishy demon. “That you like me?”

“I-I would never say something so lame,” Mammon sputters and tries to hide his bright red blush beneath his white hair.

“That you love me?” At this, Mammon pauses and brings his hands up to hold your own.

“Something like that,”

Despite being a rather reserved person, Satan would not like to be hidden in the shadows. At first, he may have enjoyed the idea of a secret relationship. He likes the mystery that comes with it, almost as if it was plucked straight out of one of his favorite books. But, over time, he will begin to dislike it. The demon doesn’t care who knows about your relationship and, much like his older brother, would love to parade your beauty for the worlds to see.

“Must you keep me hidden away as if I’m some dirty secret?” Satan scowls at you despite your best efforts to push him into your bathroom. Everything was fine between the two of you until somebody knocked at your door.

“I’m sorry, it’ll be quick, I promise!” Your whispered promises don’t make the demon feel any better as he rolls his eyes and hides behind your shower curtain. Mentally, you pray that Satan did a good job at hiding himself before you open your door and greet Lucifer with a smile.

“(Y/N),” The older demon dips his head slightly and offers you a small smile.

“Lucifer, is something wrong?” You nervously grip the edge of your door and hide half of your body behind the large piece of wood. The quicker this interaction ends, the better.

“I just needed to make sure you are aware of the schedule change for tomorrow. We are meeting for the council meeting at one instead of three.”

Satan contemplates turning on the shower to drown himself so then he won’t have to hear any more of Lucifer’s voice. It’s bad enough that you’re shutting him out, he doesn’t need to be tortured by the other demon too.

“Lord Diavolo texted me about it, but, thank you for reminding me.” The fourth-born can see the sweet smile on your face and the kindness that you give to everyone, it makes him want to scoff. Why must you be polite to Lucifer? Has he taught you nothing?

“You’re welcome. That is all-” Lucifer turns to head out, literally on his heel but then he pauses at the clattering noise coming from inside your room. “Is everything alright in your bathroom?”

“Oh!” You protectively stand in front of your doorway to prevent the demon from exploring your room further. “Everything is fine, why?” Until you can push Lucifer out, you plan to feign ignorance.

“Rumor has it that Levi’s rats got out so just keep your eye out for them. Please do not harm the creatures.” Lucifer looks you over once more, eyes narrowed in suspicion before he ultimately turns away. He begins to leave after nodding goodbye to you and you think that you might just be in the clear. But, the demon stops and glances at you over his shoulder. His voice is now extremely low. “Do tell Satan ‘hello’ for me.”

Your mind is blank as you watch the demon walk away, and as you close your bedroom door and lock it, even as you pull Satan out from your bathroom and then head straight for your bed.

“He’s got a seventh sense or something,” You can’t help but part your lips in shock, Lucifer truly is something. “besides, why did you knock something over?!”

“It just slipped,” Satan shrugs but, with the charming smile on his face, you know the act was 100% intentional. “oh, don’t get upset with me, (Y/N). I’ll make it up to you.”

#Barbatos x reader #Lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #satan x reader #obey me x reader #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me x you #obey me x y/n #I love mammon

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delusionalwings · 1 year

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Omg I was thinking abt how the OB boys would be with an MC that has a beautiful voice. Like Lucifer would never admit hoe much he loves hearing them sing, Mammon would ask them to have a little concert so he can charge people even tho he thinks no one else deserves to hear their voice. Levi would want them to repeat his favorite characters voice lines, or the way Satan would love sharing them read books and how Asmo could sit and listen to them talk for hours. Ofc Belphie would want them to sing him to sleep and Beel would always invite them to his workouts, because sometimes he gets lucky and MC sings along to his music (he purposely plays songs he knows they like for that reason)

ohmigod buddy, you are so right! I especially love the mammon one for some reason. TvT LUCIFER IS A PIECE OF SHIT, ISN'T HE?! i would flirt with levi till he passes out XD. as someone who loves to read, i love the satan one ;-; asmo, yaassshhh let's get the gossip going. he definitely wants to become an idol with mc. he also starts a channel called "the voice of the devildom" or something where they ulpoad music videos. it's pro level. ah another day of belphie getting an excuse to be closer to mc ;) beel also loves it when you sing after he finishes eating. it's sweet.

mc would ace seductive speechcraft like a breeze if they have the confidence to say flirty lines-

i wrote for luci and some side characters TvT

― synopsis -> when mc has a beautiful voice

― characters -> lucifer, diavolo, simeon, barbatos

― gender neutral reader

― headcanons

― warnings -> yandere content

LUCIFER

The first time he catches you singing, he hides his presence and gets lost in your melody. That is when he decides that your voice must be his alone.

“Hmm. Why would you stop? Did I give you the permission to do so?”

Unbeknowst to you, he sometimes hums the songs that you are fond of singing when presumably alone. He never admits that he actually enjoys those. He lets on that it’s all his scheme to make your life miserable.

SIMEON

That sounds like the call of the divine, the voice of the angels! What lovely music it is to the ears!

“[Name], could you say the prayers today too? After all, your voice seems to be formed for this reason...”

Whenever he faces a writer’s block or feels frustrated in general, he asks you to read to him. Your voice has a quality that helps him visualise better. If you read any of his recent works, you will find how he writes about prophecies in enchanting voices, sirens calling out to bewitch angels or even a whisper in the dark. Your voice calls out to him in more ways than one.

DIAVOLO

What beautiful voice you possess! After this discovery, he decides to update his schedule to include an hour of you singing human world songs. Daily. What can be better than experiencing human world culture by enjoying the voice of his love?

He is enthusiastic about holding festivals and nudges, almost subtly forces, you to sing in those. After all, the entire Devildom must witness your talents and realise how amazing the various realms are. What potential healthy bonds can hold!

BARBATOS

Your voice reminds him of the soothing aroma of fresh tea. Even though the word ‘cunning’ perfectly suits Barbatos, he feels that you have a better claim to that title. You would speak innocently yet the words would pierce hearts. The moment you open your mouth in Seductive Speechcraft, even the Young Master is charmed.

Barbatos notices and knows that you do not have any ulterior motive but he can’t help but try to be on his guard and... ultimately fails. You are so cunning, aren’t you? Cunning and clueless... The things that you do to those around you and him. Can’t you see?

He has found that your voice helps his spirits to an extent where his efficiency improves too. How can he let you go after that? You will indulge him, won’t you?

#obey me #yandere #gender neutral reader #gender neutral mc #obey me yandere #forbidden path #male yandere #yandere scenarios #yandere lucifer #yandere diavolo #yandere barbatos #yandere simeon #x mc #x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines

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lottesreads · 2 months

Text

Why Me? - Part 9

Pairing: Bob Floyd x Mitchell! Female Reader (Callsign Mantis)

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, talk about sex, mentions of abuse, pining, forbidden relationship, jealousy, self-doubt, Hangman being a menace, talk of death, mentions of exes

Word Count: 9k (It's worth it, I promise)

Summary: After a chat with your dad, you're feeling a little better about your family situation. You still get the feeling you're being watched and try your hardest to be on your best behavior. And the time finally comes for Bob to meet Emily.

A/N: I wrote the last bit to this part MONTHS ago and I'm so excited to finally share it with y'all. Again, love the likes, comments and reblogs make me cry happy tears and I love you all!

Also, special shoutout to Tonya Harding anon, whose reaction I am always excited to see when I post. Anyway, enjoy!!

Masterlist

Bob was an idiot. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself as he drove home to Sylvia. Of course you would want him to go out on a date, or whatever this was. You are his friend, and friends want each other to be happy. Except, Bob knows he won’t be happy with Rachel’s friend, whatever her name was. Even as he unlocks his front door and is greeted with Sylvia running toward him, he still can’t help but feel a little sad over the thought of you. You’ve been on his mind every day since he first laid eyes on you, and he knew even then you were too good for him. There was a moment today, as he held your hand he felt the courage to say something. He wasn’t sure exactly what he would have said, but you make him feel scared and brave all at the same time. It’s hard to explain, but who would he have to explain it to anyway?

Even as he’s brushing his teeth, his thoughts wander as they usually do to you. The way your eyes light up when you give him a real smile. Not the fake ones you’ve been sporting lately. The way you were so gentle with him, and every time your hands found each others it felt so natural. So right.

Clad in just his boxers, Bob slips beneath the sheets of his bed as he sets his glasses on his nightstand. And even though he knows it’s a hard habit to break, when Sylvia jumps up to join him he doesn’t push her away. He welcomes the comfort, patting the spot next to him as she circles once, plopping down against his side once she’s sure she’s found the right spot.

The warmth takes his mind back to the night he spent in your bed. How even in your drunken state your hand was able to find his heart so easily. You didn’t need a hand to do that, though. Somehow through all of his attempts to avoid having to look at you longer than he had to, you had already found it. He could tell the minute his heart started pounding out of his chest the first time he saw you that you would get there easier than anyone else had, or probably ever will.

His eyes grow tired, and as he turns his head he can almost make out the shape of your face, your eyes reappearing underneath your lashes. A soft smile creeping from your plush lips as you stare back. Bob is quite sure he’s dreaming now as the lingering floral scent of your shampoo clouds his senses. As much as he wishes it was, it doesn’t feel real as he kisses your forehead. He can’t move, he knows if he takes any more liberties in this dream it will slip out of his fingers just like they all have before. If Bob can be with you in any way he knows it will only be in his dreams. And as much as it hurts to wake up and realize it’s not real, and there’s no way you would want him, he still allows himself to relish the moments where his brain tricks him into thinking you do. He’ll take the hurt of waking up as reality crushes his spirit just for the chance to know you in his sleep.

And now his mind remembers what it feels like to have your hands caress his face, cradle his jaw, and trace over his lips. The rushed way your lips met his cheek. Closing his eyes he can pause the memory, smell your perfume, know the way your kiss felt against his face. Your touch will fuel his dreams for years to come. He knows this to be the heartwrenching truth as the thought of you brings him to a deep sleep.

The drive is silent, and yet you still take the long way home. The day is finally catching up to you as you park your car in the driveway, opting to just sit in the driver’s seat, staring at the steering wheel. It’s still the same shitty little car you bought when you were 17, the heater doesn’t work, but you figured you don’t need it in San Diego. And the battery’s a little finicky, but you just keep telling yourself you’ll get a new one when you have the time. Whenever you’re not falling for people you can’t have or punching your brother- teammate. You swiftly correct yourself. If he wants a relationship that’s the only one he’s going to get from you.

You don’t even know how long you’ve been sitting in your car, contemplating your existence before you’re walking to the front door, head held low. Your brain is on autopilot, the rest of your body following. The light in the kitchen doesn’t even phase you as you lock the front door behind you, running a hand down your face as you lean against the door.

“I was wondering when you’d get home”, your head shoots up in the direction of your father’s voice coming from the kitchen table, startling you.

“Jesus christ”, you let out.

“I got back to the bar and they all told me you already left, so how did I beat you here?” Folding his arms across his chest, he raises a brow for you to answer.

“I just needed to clear my head, go for a drive.” You shrug. He hums in acknowledgement, holding your gaze, as if waiting for you to go on. His eyes fall to your hand as you rub at your forehead. “Well, I think I’m just gonna go to bed-”

“Were you going to tell me what happened to your hand?” A shaky breath leaves your body as you look down to the fading bruise, it’s a wonder he was able to see it at all anymore.

“You never asked.”

“I never noticed.” He counters.

“And whose fault is that?” You bite back. He’s at a visible loss for words as you move to the stairs, taking a few steps toward your room, “Like I told Penny, I slammed it in my car door.”

“Oh c’mon”, the slightly raised level of his voice stops you in your tracks, “Cut the crap kid. Tell me the truth.” You turn to face him as he stands, just so tired with the day and the same old bullshit you’ve been trying to swim through.

“Seems like you already know the truth, so why does it matter if I tell you?”

“Because you keep lying to me!” You know he’s not just talking about covering up what Rooster said. There’s a deep frustration within his words that goes back to when you were a kid. Lying about how you got those bruises around your wrists, even the lie you kept up for four years while you attended the academy.

“Dad, please, I really don’t feel like talking right now-“

“No. You keep avoiding me, and we’re having a conversation. Now.” It’s your turn to beg as your lip begins to wobble.

“I’ve already had a rough day and I just want to go to sleep, please dad.”

“What’s wrong?”, he asks with a much gentler tone.

“It’s nothing”, you respond, fiddling with your thumb instead of staring back at him. Sighing, he shakes his head at the ground.

“Please. Just tell me the truth. Talk to me bug.” The nickname falls softly from his lips, even if it is hard for him to say. Truth be told, he couldn’t bring himself to call you that after Carole died, he didn’t want to encroach on the Bradshaw’s nickname for you. He knows you’ve worked hard to become the independent woman that you are today, but right now all he can see is his little girl standing at the top of the stairs. It brings back memories of you as a kid, blanket in hand, waking up from a scary dream. In those instances you’d wipe at your tear-stained cheeks and tired eyes, clinging to your dad. Your eyes look tired now, just not due to lack of sleep anymore.

“There’s just a lot going on right now”, you mutter.

“You don’t have to tell me everything… I just want to make sure you’re ok, kid.” You nod at his words. There is a lot going on in your mind right now. The most recent thing involves something or rather someone you would never in a million years tell your dad about, so your mind wanders back to the root of how you got here. Why you’ve been feeling inadequate in comparison to the person who turned his back on you, not even giving you the decency to watch as he left you to drown.

“What do I have to do for you to see me the same way you do Bradley?” Your father’s shoulders visibly slump as he blinks up at you.

“It’s like he can do no wrong in your eyes. And I kind of get it. I mean he’s the product of two people you loved very much, and I… I was an accident”, Damn it. You are so sick of crying, but you try to swallow the frog in your throat to delay it anyway you can, “A regret you’re forced to live with every single day.” You’re picking at your nails again, heart beating so loud in your ears you don’t hear your dad get closer until his arms are wrapped around you. The two of you sink to take a seat on the stairs you were all too eager to run up only a minute ago. The second his arms reach around your shoulders, the tears start falling from your lash line, and you try your best to muffle your sniffling through his jacket.

“Hey, who told you that?” he gently asks, running his hand over your head in an attempt to soothe you.

“Who do you think?”, you mumble back, defeated. He sighs as he sets both hands gently on your shoulders, trying to get you to look at him.

“How could I regret you when you are the one thing that I am most proud of in my life? Huh? Screw every title and trophy, being called your dad is the greatest achievement I will ever receive.” His green eyes don’t tear away from your own, driving the sincerity of his words right through your heart.

“Do you understand that?” Nodding, you move to rest your head on his shoulder while he rubs your arm.

“And about Bradley… There’s a lot that boy has and will do wrong. I was just surprised that after- hell, sixteen years he wanted a relationship with me again. I didn’t see that I was hurting you, and sweetheart, I am so sorry.”

“I thought you died, you know”, you whisper. “I thought you both did.” He holds you tighter at your remark. The harrowing moments on the Uranium mission when you had to sit in your F-18, listening to your teammates scream that your dad, and then Rooster of all people had gone down haunt your memories. Take up space that could otherwise be filled with anything else. “I was ready to forgive him. Almost losing the two of you for good made me realize I missed him more than I hated him. And now-”, you take in a deep breath, your dad going back to rubbing up and down your arm.

“You know, Goose was my brother. Blood be damned. I miss him and Carole every single day. I see them both in Bradley, but this anger- I know that comes from years of hatred and resentment he harbored towards me. I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire of all of that.”

“He did apologize to me. Multiple times. I just don’t know if this is something that I can forgive him for.” Your dad hums and gives you a nod, moving to stroke your head again.

“You don’t have to decide that right now. I think it’s up to him to show you if he really means it, and in the meantime you can let your old man try to knock some sense into him.” You huff out a small laugh through your nose.

“Has he said anything to you?” You ask, genuinely curious.

“Yeah, we had a little talk on Sunday.” Furrowing your brows, you move your head to look back at his face.

“What did you say?” “Nothing that he didn’t need to hear. Someone had to remind him that’s not how you treat people, let alone your family.” You inwardly cringe at his use of the word. You know Rooster doesn’t have many blood-relatives left. A couple cousins on his mom’s side, but they’re all older and already have families of their own. You guess, in a sense, you are the only family he has left.

“I already punched him”, you mutter. Sighing once more, he turns and places a kiss to the very top of your head.

“I know you did, kid. Thanks for telling me.” You sit on the stairs a little longer, the relief of talking to him lifting a weight off of your chest. Until he speaks up again.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie to me anymore, ok?”, you nod against his shoulder. “Is there anything else bothering you?” And even though you just practically told him you would tell him the truth, this is one thing you know you cannot and will not divulge to him.

“No.”

You’re a little nervous for work the next day. There’s not a doubt in your mind that you did the right thing by telling Bob to go on that date or whatever it is, and you’ll stick by that decision. But now you have people watching you. Rooster, even as you walk into the ready-room while Hangman, Payback, and Fanboy suit up to take to the skies, is already watching as you move to take a seat on the couch, noticeably across from Bob instead of next to him and Phoenix.

Bob looks up almost immediately as you sit, and sends a small smile your way. You do the same to him and it almost feels like before. Just pleasantries, even if you are excited to see him. God, Rooster was going to ruin your life. You’re pointedly avoiding his gaze even though you know he’s still watching. This is ok, though. You’re just going to follow Cyclone’s advice and do your job. That’s what you’re here to do.

Once the first group is done with their exercises, it’s your turn to head out along with Rooster. Your dad was adamant he was not the one who set up the pairs this time, and you immediately know this was a direct order from Cyclone. A test.

The object is to use the evasive maneuvers you’ve been practicing to avoid one Pete “Maverick” Mitchell from shooting you down. You’re walking to your jet when a voice stops you in your tracks.

“Mantis!”, Rooster calls out. You turn, holding your head high as he catches up to you. “We got this, right?” You eye his helmet as he holds it out to you. And as if the action summoned the beast himself, over Rooster’s shoulder you notice Cyclone standing in the hangar, shoulders squared as he watches the two of you get ready for takeoff. Looking back to Rooster, you knock your helmet into his.

“Right.” He nods once, trying to hide his surprise at your willingness.

Waiting in the air for your dad to make an appearance is like waiting in the eye of a storm. You know it’s coming, you just have to wait for it to pass over before all hell breaks loose.

“You see him yet?”, you ask, breaking the silence that has since formed after taking off.

“Not yet, but keep your eyes peeled, he likes to sneak up from below.” If there’s anything you know about your father, it’s that he doesn’t like to use the same tricks twice. Which is why when you look up, you’re not at all surprised at Maverick’s jet flying just above the two of you, nose diving the slightest bit as if he thinks he can catch you off guard.

“Bogie’s right above us, coming in hot, break right Rooster.” He does as you say while you break left, and your dad is left scrambling as his attempt to dive between the two of you is foiled. The two of you successfully evade Maverick for the time being, but when you’re left right next to each other and Maverick’s coming back around, you know he has to choose one of you to “shoot down”, and you know he won’t be choosing you.

“He’s coming back around Mantis”, Rooster warns. You eye his jet coming up from behind this time.

“He’s gonna go after you. When I tell you to, break left.” You watch his speed steadily increase as he gets closer and closer to the two of you, your hand twitching on the yoke of your jet. “Now Rooster!” He does as you say, and just like you planned it, Maverick follows him. Their jets fall as they get closer to the Hard Deck, and you watch Rooster start to climb back up.

“I’m leading him to you Mantis, heads up!” You follow their jets from above, waiting for Rooster to lead Maverick into your trap, and before you know it, they’re both in front of you, the shrill sound of catching tone on your dad ringing in both of your cockpits.

“Tone!”, you exclaim, “You’re out Mav.” You can’t help the smile that forms on your face, even as you make your way out of the cockpit. Once you land, Rooster is waiting for you with the same look on his face.

“Now that's what I’m talking about, Mantis!”, he offers his hand in high five as the two of you walk off the tarmac, and as the adrenaline from beating your father makes its way through your veins, you take him up on the offer, slapping your hand against his.

The rest of the team in the ready-room starts clapping as the two of you walk back in. As if defeating Maverick was one of the hardest things you’d have to do. You laugh as you tap your fist against Coyote’s, the others patting you and Rooster on the back. Bob’s standing at the couch, still clapping for you as he gives you a wider smile, a seemingly proud look in his eye, like he had no doubt you could do it. You smile right back, getting the feeling he had the confidence you could the entire time.

When lunch rolls around the adrenaline has since worn off, leaving you a little tired. You drag yourself into the mess-hall and spot Bob at your usual table in the crowd. You hate that your head perks up at the sight, and even if you were stuck a moment ago, your feet move in his direction. You greet him with a smile, and your heart melts as he moves his lunch bag off of the seat he saved just for you. Taking a breath of relief at the routine, you take a seat. A weight is lifted off of your shoulders, Bob is a friend, a great one at that, and you don’t want to do anything to risk that. Even if you long for more, and you get butterflies every time his hand touches yours, or he gives you that same crooked smile, you just want to be around him.

“Hey, nice job today”, he says as he starts to unpack his lunch.

“Thank you. Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t ask this morning, but how’s your nose?” He makes a move to touch the bridge of his nose, feeling for any sort of tenderness.

“Oh, it’s fine. I think bein’ out in the sun all day just dried me out. Made it look worse than it actually was.”

“Well hopefully we won’t need to have another mandated beach day. And maybe next time you’ll drink more water”, you comment, raising your brow at him.

“Ok”, he laughs, “I was a little distracted, next time I’ll make sure I’m chuggin’ water.” You furrow your brow with a smile as he digs into his lunch.

“What got you so distracted you forgot to drink water?” He swallows the bit of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich he just took a bite of, trying and failing to avoid your gaze.

“Oh, um-” The sound of Phoenix pulling out a chair at the table saves him from answering, as you look back to your friend. She offers you a high five and you’re quick to take it from her.

“Helluva job today, Mantis”, she says with a smirk.

“Thanks, what can I say? I am too good”, you joke as she rolls her eyes, Bob chuckling next to you.

“If you keep quoting that Texas Ken doll, you are not coming to my house on Saturday.” She says as she points her fork in your direction. Putting your hands up in a mock surrender, she switches the subject.

“Speaking of… Bob”, his head perks up, “Rachel’s excited for you to meet Emily.” Your eyes slowly flit to Bob, gauging his reaction. He swallows again before responding, if you thought any better you’d think he was nervous.

“What have you told Emily about me?”

“Just that you’re a really good friend, cute, and sweet. You know, the basics.” He lets out a light scoff.

“Yeah, well, don’t get her hopes up, too much.” At his words you lightly tap his shoulder with the back of your hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, you ask.

“C’mon”, he looks to you and back to Phoenix, “You tell a girl you’re settin’ her up with one of your Navy buddies and she’ll expect someone like that Texas Ken doll. Not… me.”

“Bob”, you start, almost placing a hand atop his, but ultimately deciding to land on his shoulder, “I’ve met a ton of meatheads during my time in the Navy, but you are a breath of fresh air in an otherwise tainted climate. You hear me?” His eyelashes flutter as he blinks at you. Taking a deep breath in his eyes land back on Phoenix who gives him an encouraging smile.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Phoenix’s phone starts ringing, and she smiles wider as she takes it out of her pocket, “It’s Rachel, I’ll be right back.” You go back to your food as Bob does his, or at least you try to. It’s so stupid. He’s not even yours and the thought of him seeing another woman makes your stomach ache.

“Do you really think this is a good idea?”, his ocean eyes are riddled with worry as you look back at him.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”, you ask, your voice a little softer. He simply shrugs, staring back at his large hands.

“Setups like this usually don’t work out for me… They’re always expecting someone I’m not.” Your heart falls at the dejectedness in his voice. You can tell he’s had his heart broken many times after Mandy Harrison, and he doesn’t expect it to stop happening.

“Bob-”, you quickly stop yourself before calling him Bobby, “That just means those people weren’t right for you. And so what? You’ve taken chances before, that just means you’re open to the possibilities.”

“What possibilities? Feelin’ like a fool again?”

“The possibility of finding happiness in another person.” He stops arguing for a second, and again, it’s just the two of you. The table vacated except for you and Bob, your heart pounding in your head, taking over your every thought. “I don’t think wanting to be happy makes you a fool. It makes you human. And if taking this chance means you and another person end up happy, why not risk it? Who is it hurting?” You resist the urge to answer your own question. You. It’s hurting you.

“Nobody. I guess”, he responds, almost under his breath. It makes you want to double over in pain, but you resist and give him a small smile, eyeing the freckle just below his hairline as he focuses back on his lunch. He doesn’t actually eat any of it, just keeps picking up the same carrot and putting it back down until Phoenix comes back.

“Ok, well. We’re figuring out food so I need an official headcount. I know the two of you are coming, but are you still sure you want me to invite Rooster?” You’re snapped back to reality, finding Rooster across the room, eating alone again. The team still hasn’t let him back in quite yet, and while you’re thankful for the comradery, he is still a part of the squadron.

“Yeah, it’s fine”, you nod as she eyes you warily.

“Ok, I can’t promise it won’t be awkward…”, she warns.

“It’s always going to be awkward. Might as well face it head on.”

You’ve been to Phoenix’s cozy bungalow a few times since being reassigned, and even though the two of you have grown a lot since bunking together at the Academy, she was still the same messy roommate you knew and loved her to be. Which is why when you show up a little early to help her set stuff up on Saturday evening, you’re surprised to see it’s already tidied up, no real additional cleaning required.

“Wow”, you remark as you step foot in the kitchen, “Are you sure I’m at the right address? This is too clean to be your place.” Stopping her motions as she chops up some fruit, she fixes you with a fake glare.

“Oh haha. You here to crack jokes or help me out?” You move to step around the counter, but a screech from behind you stops you in your path.

“Mantis!” Rachel squeals, reaching to give you a hug, “I’m so happy you’re here!”

“I’m so happy to be here!”, you respond in the same cadence, still a little surprised at her excitement.

“This is gonna be so much fun, I can’t wait to meet everyone else!”, she practically bounces on her feet, ginger locks swaying with her. You turn back to help Phoenix, clocking the lovestruck look on her face as she stares at her girlfriend.

“Who else have you met?”, you ask, starting to chop up fruit alongside Phoenix.

“Oh let’s see, you and Bob of course, we ran into Payback and his family at the beach, and then Rooster. But Nat tells me we’re mad at him right now?”, she cocks her head to the side, checking with her girlfriend if that’s still the case. Natasha nods, plating her already sliced strawberries.

“That’s right, but tonight we’re offering him an opportunity to redeem himself”, she responds, looking back at you. A knock comes from the door and Rachel excuses herself to answer it, leaving you and Phoenix in the kitchen. “You sure you’re gonna be alright with him here?” The voice in the back of your head tells you it’s not being around him you’re worried about, it’s being around-

“Bob!”, Rachel exclaims, “I’m so happy you’re here!” Your head shoots up to the entrance of the kitchen as Bob follows Rachel in. Your eyes are drawn to his clean-shaven face, then down to the strain of his forearm beneath the rolled up flannel he dons. A case of Dr. Pepper is clutched in his hands as he greets you and Phoenix, moving to place it in the fridge.

“You really didn’t have to bring anything”, she complains.

“I know, but mama told me to never show up to a party empty-handed.” Catching each other’s eyes, you give him a smile and turn back to your task at hand.

Before long, people are showing up, and Bob is whisked off to help rearrange some furniture to create more room for the influx of people. You’re talking to Payback, Fanboy and Bob just off to the side, when Rooster enters through the front door, a 12-pack of beer in hand that he hands off to Rachel as she greets him, noticeably without a hug. You watch as Phoenix approaches him, hands on her hips as he nods at what she’s telling him. From the way he’s attentively listening to her, you can tell she’s giving him a rundown of what she expects from him. You can make out the last of their conversation as her lips move, asking if he “got that?” He only nods in response, and you quietly smirk to yourself.

You’re talking to Fanboy now, Bob still hanging just to the right of you with Payback when you hear that same squeal from Rachel, only this time your stomach drops as she greets her friend.

“Emily!”, your eyes turn and find a stunning blonde woman hugging Rachel. You can’t help but gaze at her figure, her beautiful face and feel a little jealous. Turning back to Fanboy, you catch Bob looking your way through the corner of your eye, figuring he’s trying to get a look at Emily but you’re in the way.

“Bob!”, Phoenix calls out. You turn to find her dragging Emily over to your small group in the corner of the living room. He sets his can of Dr. Pepper on a coaster, before wiping the condensation off on his jeans. “This is Emily, Emily, this is Bob.”

“Nice to meet ya’”, he says, offering a handshake which she takes. You watch his hand engulf hers and have to tear your eyes away. It’s so stupid, but that’s the same hand that has wiped your tears away, gently comforted you, and you don’t want to be, but you’re jealous that it isn’t your hand he’s holding right now. She moves on, introducing her to the rest of the group, and you give her a polite smile and your name.

“Or you can call me Mantis”, you offer.

“Nice to meet you all”, she gives with a gorgeous smile. “Wait, Bob, what’s your call-sign?”

“Oh, it’s just Bob”, he responds with a nervous look on his face.

“Oh”, she laughs. You furrow your brows, glancing at Bob whose face is now red with embarrassment. You’re about to speak up for him, but Emily is already calling out for someone before you’re able to. “Rooster!” All of your heads turn as Rooster makes his way over, Emily immediately jumping to give him a hug.

“Wait”, you turn to Phoenix, “Do those two know each other?”

“Kind of, they met when I introduced Rooster to Rachel. It was actually his idea to set her up with Bob.” And then she takes a swig of her drink like she didn’t just drop a bomb on you. Your gaze hardens as you slowly turn back and see Emily running her hand down Rooster’s arm. That sneaky bastard had a master plan this entire time. His hazel eyes make contact with your own as you squint. He swallows and turns back to Emily who is still trying to hold his attention.

Once everyone arrives and settles in with a drink or two, a most wonderful idea to play “Never Have I Ever” is suggested by Hangman. Who has decided he’s the ringmaster of the entire party now. A few tame questions are asked, drinks are drunk, and then he has to open his stupid mouth, “Ok, never have I ever played spin the bottle.” You look around the room, leaving your drink in your hands, as pretty much everyone else takes a swig. Including Bob, who looks quite uninterested in his “date” talking Rooster’s ear off on the other side of her.

“Whoa, whoa whoa”, Hangman directs towards you, “You’re telling me you’ve never played spin the bottle?”

“Nope, but I’m not at all surprised you have.” You bite back, almost taking a swig of your drink before remembering the point of the game. Choosing to pick at the label instead.

“Alright, new game idea!” Hangman announces.

“We are NOT playing spin the bottle, this isn’t a 14-year old’s birthday party.”

“Fine then, who’s up for truth or dare?” He asks the room, eyes never leaving yours. You squint at him, suspicious of his intentions like always, as everyone else agrees to his plot. “I’ll go first”, he so graciously offers, “Mantis, truth or dare?”

“Truth”, you immediately respond, not giving him the chance to dare you what you think he’ll try to.

“You’re no fun”, he says rolling his eyes, “Fine, when was the last time you got laid?” He so casually asks as you just about spit out your drink, shock overtaking your features.

“Jesus Christ” You hear Rooster from next to Emily.

“That’s a little hard-hitting right out the gate, don’t you think?” Fanboy pipes up from across the room, still a hint of intrigue in his voice.

“It’s all part of the game, Mick. Besides, we’re adults, we’ve all had sex before. Right Mantis?” He asks, turning to you with his head tilted, as if trying to goad a response out of you. Scoffing, you glance across the room, taking note of everyone paying attention to what you have to say. Except for Rooster, who is really trying not to focus on the game right now.

“If you’re trying to insinuate something I suggest you come out and say it”, you respond, squaring your shoulders, daring him as he shrugs in your direction.

“All I’m saying is that since I’ve known you-

“A couple months” You interrupt.

“3, almost 4 months” he quickly adds, ”In that time I haven’t seen you leave the Hard Deck with anybody except good ‘ole baby on board over here. And we all know that ain’t gonna happen.” Hangman’s thumb hooks in Bob’s direction where you notice he’s begun to trace the rim on his can of soda, not giving Emily his attention while she attempts to whisper something in Rooster’s ear. You turn back to Hangman’s smug grin as he takes a swig of his own beer.

“Fine”, you relent, “You really wanna know?” His brows raise a single time, daring you to go on.

“I’m all ears”, he says, showcasing his stark white teeth as he leans back in his seat. And even though you know it’s not just Hangman listening, you’re not about to back down from a challenge. Even if it will absolutely embarass you in front of your team.

“It’s been a couple years”, You offer, immediately taking a drink so as to not meet anyone’s eyes.

“How long is a couple?” You clench your teeth, rolling your eyes until you’re staring at Hangman again.

“Five”, you mutter through your teeth, hoping he’s the only one who will hear you.

“Come again?” “It’s been 5 years” you finally confess loud enough for everyone to hear. Common looks of wide eyes and quiet whispers are shared as Phoenix gives you a knowing look. One that says, “I know exactly who the last person you slept with was.” You fix her with a stern gaze, deterring her from saying anything to you on the matter.

“Oh I heard you the first time, I was asking when you were gonna come again.” Phoenix throws a pillow at him from across the room as he laughs at his own joke.

“Alright, I need another drink” you huff out as you get up and walk into the kitchen. You can still hear the cacophony that is the dagger squad from behind the wall, but continue to look for something else to drink. Maybe something a little stronger that will help you get through the night.

Bob excuses himself from Emily, not even checking back to see if she heard him as he leaves the game in hopes of catching you in the kitchen. He finds you with your back toward him, fridge door open as you examine what it has to offer. He sidles up next to you, mirroring your stance of leaning on the counter behind the two of you. You have yet to say anything as he reaches into his front pocket, procuring a penny, and sliding it across the counter to your resting hand.

You smile slightly at the sound of the coin across the counter top, and finally at the feel of Bob nudging it underneath your fingertips. You sigh and look back to the fridge, Bob thinks you’re going to let it slide until you respond.

“It’s kind of embarrassing. To admit that I haven’t.. Been with anyone in a while. It’s just that I- I haven’t met anyone since that I’ve trusted enough to- do that with, I guess.”

“Why would that be embarrassing?”, he broaches the subject even as his face begins to flush a shade of pink. You huff a breath out through your nose as you begin to fiddle with the penny, smoothing the now warm object in between your fingers.

“I don’t know, I just thought by the time I reached this age I would have actually been in a meaningful relationship. Or at least had more experience to tell for it”, you hide the last sentence under a small laugh as Bob looks down at his feet. To be honest, Bob is kind of surprised you haven’t been in a relationship in that long. You are absolutely beautiful, funny, and smart, and anybody would be lucky to have you. But he isn’t about to add fuel to the fire that is your own insecurities by questioning something you’ve probably been wondering for a while.

“And it’s the same everywhere I get stationed. Just egotistical men who only want the bragging rights of fucking a captain’s daughter. Like that’s all I am to them. Not an aviator, not an officer, not a person… Just something they can use to show off as an achievement.”

There’s still noise coming from the other room, but it’s quiet between the two of you. Just the hum of the refrigerator as Bob tries to gather the words from being angry at these so-called men, or apologetic to the fact that you feel embarrassed about something you have no right to be embarrassed about.

“I think that it’s good to listen to yourself, and if you haven’t found someone you feel comfortable enough sharing that part of you with, then you shouldn’t be embarrassed. And those other guys are completely stupid if they don’t see the talented aviator and amazing person that you are.” You look back at Bob, wondering how he’s only a year older than you but so much wiser. “You are so much more than your dad. I hope you see that.”

“Thanks, Bobby”, you can’t help but let the nickname slip from your lips. There’s a moment where it’s just the two of you in the small kitchen, hidden away from all the chaos that’s taking place in the other room. Until it proves too much for you and you break his gaze, clearing your throat.

“I just don’t know where Hangman gets off, asking a question like that.” Bob offers.

“Well apparently he’s getting off a lot more than I am”, you respond as Bob gives you a laugh. The skin around his eyes starts to crinkle and that’s when you know he’s actually laughing, not just trying to be nice.

“We all know he is, but I’m not so sure about his partners…” he tapers off.

“Oh my god”, you start laughing.

“Bob”, the both of you turn at Phoenix’s voice coming from the doorway, “Emily’s asking for you.”

“I highly doubt that”, Bob mutters under his breath as he turns to walk back to the living room. Phoenix stays behind as you slip the penny in your pocket, and open the fridge back up to grab a can of Dr. Pepper.

“Hey, you ok?” She asks you softly. You turn as you crack open the can, giving her a small smile.

“I’m fine, just don’t want to go back out there and have to sit through a round of truth or dare.”

“Listen, Hangman’s an idiot. And if you want to avoid any further probing I suggest choosing dare. The worst thing they're having people do is show each other’s camera roll or take a shot.” You don’t even remember the last photo you took, probably of some sunset. And you wouldn’t be totally opposed if someone had you take a shot right now. “Was the last person you were with really Lieutenant Douchebag?” You laugh at the nickname for your previous boyfriend, lovingly given to him by Phoenix, then immediately shudder at the thought.

“Yep”, you respond, taking a swig of the soda, regretting your decision to not grab something with alcohol in it. She grimaces, taking a breath in.

“You need to get laid”, she casually tells you as she grabs another drink for herself and Rachel.

“Jesus”, you laugh at her cavalier attitude, “How about we take a night and not talk about my sex life.”

“From the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like you have one” You scoff then laugh as she smiles at you. At times like this you’re grateful you met her when you did. She saved you from having a lot of lonely nights to yourself, introduced you to what a friend should and could be. “What, too far?”

“Not from you it isn’t”

As soon as you emerge from the kitchen, trailing behind Phoenix you see Bob locked in a conversation with Emily. Rooster now sits on the other side of Bob, happy from the sudden reprieve of not sharing the other man's “date”. She’s obviously trying to hook Rooster back into the conversation as Bob remains polite by listening to whatever she’s saying. You take a seat around the coffee table, staring at Bob crack a slight smile as you hear someone call out your name.

“Mantis, truth or dare?”

“Dare” It was a knee-jerk reaction, truly. Just based on Phoenix’s reasoning, it was the only response you could come up with. Ultimately, as you turn your head to the person who asked, you realize it was the wrong answer.

Your eyes grow wide as Hangman’s own stare you down, a smirk forming on his face once he realizes the power he wields over you. His eyes turn into slits, like a snake who’s finally cornered its prey.

“Oh I am going to have so much fun with this”, he responds, victorious. He grabs his bottle of beer, downing the rest of it as he makes his way to the coffee table in the middle of the room. You’re sitting on the floor in front of the t.v., as Hangman finishes his drink and ever so slowly hands you the now empty bottle.

“Now I know you’ve never played before '', you immediately cringe, resting your forehead against your denim-clad knee and let out a groan. You hear laughter sound out from around you as Coyote playfully nudges your shoulder, “So let me explain the rules. You’re gonna spin the bottle, and then you get to kiss the lucky person the neck points to.”

“You could have just dared me to kiss you if you want it that badly bagman”, you say as you move to your knees to place the bottle on the surface of the table.

“That’s just plain against the rules, and it’s not about who you kiss. I just wanna watch you squirm a little bit.” He leans back in his seat as you glance around the room, just to see who your future lips will be locking with. You make eye contact with Rooster and give him your best glare. He scratches the back of his neck and stands without wasting another second.

“I’m gonna go get another drink”, he announces while stepping over people who have begun to sit on the floor around the table.

“Oh!” Emily pipes up, “I’ll come with you!” You catch Bob watching the two of them leave the room and your heart sinks a little. You can’t help but feel a little jealous at the attention he’s been giving her, but at the same time you want someone to see him the way you do. It’s just unfair that the only person you’ve felt this way about in a very long time, happens to be the one person you’re not allowed to pursue. He’s an amazing person, and Emily would be crazy not to see what Phoenix, or Rooster, practically shoved right in front of her. You’re really starting to hate Rooster for playing with Bob’s feelings. It may be unintentional, but the reason he wanted to set him up in the first place wasn’t out of the pure kindness of his heart.

You spare another glance around the room watching as everyone tries to take up as much space as possible, making you think they’re a little too eager to kiss you. Except, it wasn’t the fact they could kiss you, it was the idea that they could brag about kissing Mav’s daughter. Just like you explained to Bob, it’s the same everywhere you go. You just thought by now it would have worn off with this group.

“Just so you know guys, if you kiss me you’re practically kissing my dad”, you tease as some of the guys grimace. A slight smirk crawls its way to your face as Omaha gets up from off the floor.

“You just ruined it for me”, he complains. Unfortunately it only thins the crowd out a little, a couple of gaps in the group that now surround the table.

Taking a deep breath you finally place your hand back on the bottle, pulling it back before spinning it. Your heart beats a little faster out of pure embarrassment as you stare intently at the bottle spinning, not wanting to look up at the faces around you until it finally… stops.

“Ho-ly shit”, Hangman lets out, so obviously amused with the outcome. “Baby on board’s about to get his first kiss.” Your eyes immediately turn to Hangman, then to Bob’s, who bears the same look of shock you know you’re not doing a great job at hiding.

“I-” the words get caught in your throat. You hate what you’re about to do as you turn back to Hangman. “Come on.” All eyes are on you as you begin to beg this man not to make you go through with it. Because once you do, you know there’s no turning back.

“C’mon what?”, he asks with intrigue.

“He’s here to meet someone, I don’t think this is a good idea”, you try to reason with him.

“That’s not really how the game works sweetheart. You spun the bottle, now you gotta deal with the consequences.”

“Hangman, please”, you beg, avoiding every gaze in the room as they begin to talk among themselves, bored with whatever show you’re putting on. His brow furrows as he realizes just how badly you do not want to do this.

“Who’d it land on?” Rooster asks as he emerges from the kitchen with a fresh drink, Emily in tow. Taking a swig, his eyes follow where the bottle points directly to Bob. “No, that’s not happening”, he mutters as he gets closer to Hangman.

“What is with you two? It’s just a game.” He replies incredulously. He glances back around the room and finds Emily awkwardly waiting at the back for Rooster’s conversation to be over. “Alright, you”, he points at her, “To level the playing field, why don’t you take a crack at it? If Emily agrees to it, then you do, too.”

“I never agreed to-”

“Ok!”, she responds a little too eager. You’re still on your knees as a confused look washes over your face. She kneels across from you at the table and barely touches the bottle, you don’t even think you’d consider it a spin, until it lands on Rooster. You’re not trying to hide the grimace on your face as she tries to play innocent.

“Oops, well it looks like it’s you and me Rooster.” Emily stands, immediately placing both hands on Rooster’s shoulders as she gives him a generous kiss. A couple of whistles are thrown out as she continues to lock lips with him, something he does not appear to be displeased with, as much as he was caught off guard to begin with.

You look away in disgust, trying and failing not to make a noise to match your mood. Your eyes fall to where Bob was just seated moments before, but his chair is empty. He’s nowhere in the room, soda abandoned. And as Emily continues sticking her tongue down Rooster’s throat, you sneak past the few hollers to slip out the back door near the kitchen.

It’s completely dark now, only the moon and strings of fairy lights casting a soft glow across the yard. You find Bob standing in the grass with his arms folded across his chest, staring up at the sky. His flannel is still rolled up to his elbows, forearms proudly on display. The moonlight reflects off of his glasses, but you can still see the turmoil swirling behind his frames. The sound of the door sliding shut doesn’t deter Bob from moving from his position.

“There you are, I was worried you left the premises”, you try to joke, moving to stand closer. He turns, only giving you a slight glance. It stops you from moving forward anymore, deciding to stay back at the edge of the patio. Humming in acknowledgement, he stares back up at the sky, face contorting as if it pains him to do so.

“Nah, just needed some fresh air is all. What are you doin’ out here?”, he asks in an indifferent tone. You tear your eyes away from the sky to look over at him again. He huffs out a sigh as you retreat your gaze to your feet, toying with a loose piece of cement.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry”, you offer. He gives a small laugh as he turns his face to look at the grass beneath his shoes.

“For what?”

“Emily’s a complete idiot.” He releases a breath out of his nose, moving his gaze to the fence bordering the neighbor’s yard.

“It’s fine, I’m used to it.” You can still tell he’s upset by the way he squares his jaw.

“Well you shouldn’t be.”

“Well I am”, he lets out a little more stern this time. “I just- I don’t know Mantis.”

“What?”, you ask him quietly as he begins to shuffle the grass underneath his feet.

“I know that I’m not wanted, or not attractive like the other guys in there. But tonight really solidified that for me.” Your heart breaks as you watch him sort his thoughts out.

“Bob, that’s not true-”

“It is, though. I didn’t even want to come here tonight, and you knew that. And- and Phoenix knew it, too. But still, you two pushed me to come and meet Emily. Someone she insisted was perfect for me. Well, she took one look at Rooster and saw what everyone else sees. There are a million more guys out there who are better looking, better at making conversation, better at… everything than me.” His voice is dejected, believing everything he’s telling you. But you let him continue, even if you want to contradict every word that continues to fall from his mouth.

“And I hate the fact that I wasn’t even interested in meeting someone new. That I’m already thinkin’ about someone else most of the time, and she doesn’t even see me in that way, even if she could.” Your heart tightens in your chest, at first due to the fact that Bob has feelings for someone else. And then it hits you. ‘If she could’.

“Wait, Bob-” you manage to breathe out before he interrupts you.

“It’s just- I haven’t felt this way about someone since, well, ever.” He turns, facing you fully, a glassy look in his eyes as he stares at you, exasperated. “I feel so connected, and drawn to you Mantis.” He confesses in a whisper. You feel it the moment your heartbeat quickens with your breathing. The way your eyebrows draw up in the middle is met with the slightest quiver in your lip. From sadness or relief you’re not sure yet. “I want to tell you things I’ve never told anybody before, and I’m sorry if I misread things, but I just needed to get that off my chest.”

“Bob-” You try as he interrupts you again, caught up in his own feelings to hear you for once.

“I know you don’t feel the same way, and why would you? I’m just me, and you’re you. I wasn’t lying when I said any guy would be so lucky to have you, and I’m honored to just be considered your friend. And I- I know this is against so many rules in place, so please just forget I said anything and- God I’m such an idiot.” Your feet are moving faster than your brain as you walk over to him. Placing both hands on his smooth cheeks, you lift his head from where he was staring at the ground and plant your lips right on his. He’s shocked at first, not daring to move. Eyes fluttering shut as his hands ghost over your waist, until you pull away and there’s the tiniest amount of space between your faces.

Your hands are still as the rest of your body buzzes in anticipation. Your chest heaves against his, out of breath from the simplest of kisses. He’s so close, yet so far away as your fingers adjust to the feeling of holding his face in both of your hands. It’s quiet, his eyelashes fluttering as he starts to blink rapidly.

“Why did you do that?”, he whispers. Almost afraid that this was another dream he would inevitably wake up from.

“Because I wanted to”, you whisper right back, still in shock of what he confessed. Your eyes dart between his own deep blue ones as they’re blown wide.

“Not because of the dare?”

“No”, you shake your head. “Just cause I really wanted to.” You reassure him as his eyes flick from yours black down to your lips. His cold nose nudges yours, once, then twice before sinking into your cheek as he hesitantly kisses you first this time. You reciprocate immediately, pushing back just as softly against his lips as to not scare him off. His touch is gentle, yet demanding, knowing in the back of both of your heads it’s only a matter of time before someone comes to find you.

Both sets of lips part the tiniest bit as you turn your head slightly to get a better angle. His mouth is warm against your own, lips still moving in sync. One of your hands slides down to his shoulder while the other eases up onto his neck, fingers running over the buzzed hair at the back of his head. Bob hums against your lips at the motion, gaining the confidence to step closer as his hands finally land against your body, anchoring to your waist.

His grip tightens a fraction as you hum against his mouth, giving him the courage to lick at the seam of your lips with his tongue. Butterflies erupt in your stomach at the movement, eliciting another hum, bordering on a moan as you allow him entrance into your mouth. The first thing you notice is that he tastes like Dr. Pepper, the second thing that's a little easier to pick up on is that Bob is a really good kisser.

The shock that you are in fact kissing Bob wears off, and makes way for a flood of need. Caressing his tongue with your own, Bob slides one hand to your back, the other still gripping your waist as he holds you closer. The slight pressure of his large hand pushing you against him has you wanting more as he begins to walk you backwards to the wall of the house. Never breaking away from each other, you feel the cool structure against your back, even as Bob tries his best to keep you from hitting it. You grip him a fraction harder, the only sound you can hear through your heartbeat is Bob’s occasional hum and the clicking of your lips working together.

Bob’s got you locked against him as you shift your hand from his shoulder to his bicep, squeezing the large muscle, only to slowly drag it down to feel the bare skin and hair of his forearm beneath your fingers. The kissing is slowing down, still just as deep. Both of you demanding the same amount from the other, knowing this well may be the only time you’re able to feel the other like this. The two of you finally break apart, catching much needed breaths as your eyes remain closed. Even before opening your eyes, you can still feel Bob heaving against you, desperate for air as you do the same. You place a chaste kiss on his lips and he chases yours for another until you both open your eyes, just staring at each other through hooded lids.

You swallow, so many emotions running through your mind. It’s hard to listen to them when Bob is still just as close as he was a moment ago when his lips were against yours.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while”, he breathes, a nervous smile tugging on his lips.

At a loss for words, you go to open your mouth until you hear the screech of the sliding glass door opening up. Bob immediately jumps away from you as your attention diverts to whoever is about to walk out on you two in such a compromising situation.

Phoenix pokes her head out as she looks for you, “Hey.”

“Hey” you breathe out in a sigh of relief, grateful it was her and not anyone else. You try to slow your breathing even as your heart threatens to leap out of your chest.

“Have you seen Floyd?”

“Yeah he was just-”, you turn around, expecting to see Bob standing behind you, but only see the white fence, “He just left”, you mutter. Brows furrowing as your eyes remain locked on where he just was.

“Damn, I was hoping that wasn’t the case. I need to talk to him.” You continue to stare at the fence where Bob once stood, dumbfounded that he managed to slip away so quickly. “You ok?” Turning back around, you attempt to gather yourself as you breathe out an answer.

“Yeah”

“Alright”, she eyes you skeptically, “Well, you gonna rejoin us? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to.”

“No, I’ll be back in, I just… need some air.” You watch her head disappear as you lean back against the house, only this time, Bob isn’t here to hold you to it. Your fingers trace your swollen lips as you gaze around the backyard. What the hell just happened?

Taglist:

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@mygyn

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#top gun maverick #why me?#bob floyd fanfiction #top gun fanfiction #bob floyd fic #bob floyd x reader #mavdad #robert bob floyd x female reader #top gun fandom

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bonecoatvodtranscripts · 2 months

Text

Transcript: talking about something more serious (Shubble VOD 2/21/2024)

youtube

CWs: physical abuse, emotional abuse/gaslighting, financial abuse, mentions of sexual assault

Feel free to reupload this transcript anywhere, I really don't care about credit for this one

Hello!

I don't know if you can even hear it. I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just going to turn it off. Hello.

Welcome. We are in emote-only cause I'm just going to be talking today and then I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Yeah, it was very very low. There's no need. I just - it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so.

Hello. I want to talk about something today that... I'm very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on. I had to take it off. I'm going to try and just - I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say, to keep track of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything, so I will be reading from something a good portion of the time, but not 100% of the time. And I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I really like writing down my thoughts, so I did that.

Oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. (laughs) How do I make that happen for just today? I should have had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just going to have to be that way. I'm so sorry, um... I'm all good.

Yeah, okay. Today's just going to be talking. I'm just going to start reading from what I wrote and go from there. I have a really big coffee. I'm going to take a swig. (drinks some coffee) And I have my water, and I'm going to take a swig of that. (drinks some water)

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had in dating, because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me. But that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Some people just weren't the right people. And speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now, because silence has always brought me peace, and this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace.

And I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I never thought that could happen to me. And so for me this is important, because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely, because... (deep breath) The truth is it was dangerous.

There were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um... I endured some pretty terrible treatment. And I might touch on some things here and there about that, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

It took me 10 months after to heal, and I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me, because that one actually helped me release a lot of built-up anger I was having over the last year. But the anger that I was feeling was for myself, because I felt like I should have known better. I felt so stupid at myself for staying through all of this. And I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists, and I was like, So this thing happened and I wasn't really sure. It just seems weird now to me, looking back. And all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use. And I was being hurt in my last relationship, and it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted, with an anonymous account, but in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. And all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

And I was so mad at myself because I was lying, too, at a certain point, to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it would make him look really bad.

I didn't think that I would cry, and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

But he always cared more about how it looked, and that was really important. Not what was true. And it was really subtle. When I hear about... When I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching. So I thought that this wasn't violent enough to be abuse. I thought that it was just, like, a constant accident that he kept hurting me. But he's not hitting me.

And it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me. He had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had this habit since he was a kid, and even his mom said that that was true, and he said it was just affectionate, and that might have been... I mean, I think that might have been true maybe at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie. But that's just my personal opinion.

And I had no problem with just biting. That isn't even the most uncommon thing. But he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag. And he want wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me, because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me, which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before, and so why would I call it abuse, and why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable, but of course I was, because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

And then he did for the first time, by accident. And I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant. I thought that it would only happen once. And he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently. But he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me. So we were going to use a safeword so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended. And saying that out loud now doesn't sound - like, that's not very sound logic. But at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me, but in reality it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. That shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship, and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends, to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell, and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. And then I have to laugh it off, because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of our friends, and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned, and that's not anybody's fault, because I was lying. I was lying, and it wasn't fine, because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was, how much I didn't like being hurt all the time, and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it, and I tried telling him over and over again, because he-

[VOD cuts] - asked him to stop again. This time he said, This is who he is. He isn't going to change. Those were his words. And I remember a lot of specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end, because I'm good at remembering words. Especially his wording, I became really good at remembering, because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. But he would fight me on it sometimes, cause I would point it out, and he would insist that he had never said the thing

that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" And he definitely said the things that I heard him say, and other people heard him say.

So he had, now, at this point, weaponized the safeword, and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis, and he wasn't sorry anymore. I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore, because now sometimes he would bite me, and I would yell out the safeword because it hurt so bad, and he'd clamp down even harder. Just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go. And sometimes I'd say the safeword, and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin, and sometimes he'd smile after, like a gloating grin.

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous, gagging daily, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that, though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends. But I felt so unwanted and ignored. And I would tell him that, and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true. Like that, "I love you." "I love you more." But he was, like, really serious about it.

And looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100% love bombing. And we were friends for a time. At least, people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word "friend" very loosely, because we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together, like, a handful of times throughout the whole time that we knew each other, but did not talk to each other. so I wouldn't have even called him my friend. Until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship. And then that friendship turned romantic, and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. He called me his soulmate. He talked about forever one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in 5 years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out. And I didn't have a preference, because my feeling of it is, if the timing is right, and with the right person I could. But if that doesn't work out in time, or the timing, you know, I'm not super pressed about it.

But I started opening my mind up to the idea with him, because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was later on when I could tell things were declining, and now, all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. And I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know. I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. And I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said now, "I'm not the-" this is a quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that. Why are you dating me? In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. He would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear.

I have, though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff, and again, I didn't want to - It wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over. Which isn't normal for me. I hate lies. And yet I ended up lying for him. But he had lied about big things, and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do.

And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time. We were not going to see each other very much- a few days out of every few months. And now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. At one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple months. At another point he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting himself in the same conversation. And with no time to do anything about it. I arrive the one of- Never mind. I'm going to get to something later. But I literally arrived for 3 days for this conversation to happen and then leave.

(cat mews) My cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now. (leans to cat, offscreen) Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

So, no time to fix any of the problems all of a sudden, because there are three days before he leaves. And he insisted he did not want to break up. And so he was expecting me to have a solution somehow magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise whatsoever. And he said that the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility towards the end. Also his words. So it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him.

And he was at this point basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. (talking to cat, indistinct) And I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little. And he - I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who just happened to ask and just wasn't me.

And also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money. In fact, he said that himself. That was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together, because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. And I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted, too.

But then he also admitted to me that he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud - a lot of these bits, he said out loud - because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out. He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason to feel that way, and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel.

But I don't know. I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happened the way that they did, and why he was lying all of the time. But he was resentful of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him. And I didn't even want to, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after what it really was that had

happened, that he had abused me. And in fact we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. And then he never spoke to me again, outside of, like, a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, so at least I got my clothes back. I had a whole closet full. However, he did throw away all of my other things without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word. And I didn't block him till 10 months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. But, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, and he would never talk about how he felt. I think he even - I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner, like there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Not even a chance, because 3 days before he left - that was actually a lie too, also. He didn't leave for another week after I left. He brought me in, had this three-day conversation. He was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates, too.

But I do believe that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know, because of the safeword that he made, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me, and he didn't care, and even looked like he was enjoying it sometimes.

And I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. There was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me. And I couldn't do it, obviously, and he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people. That's insane. And I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

He had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he was just waiting for things to change on their own. He said he also didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me. And he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. And then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

And I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean. He lived in filth like I have never seen. And I've seen filth. This was the worst. He would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. He got an ant infestation once, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," so I had to buy ant killer. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months and months and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, "That's mold. It's mold." He complained about being tired all the time, too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mold will do that too. But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months, but it's not mold.

When I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Just he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets. And I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how. And I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing, and I was like, he just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him. And then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there, because he just waits for me to get there to do it. And I only found out about that after we broke up, because he said it behind my back.

I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. But I had my own bathroom.

All the cleaning, all the laundry, all of it. I was paying for all of the, like, paper towels, soap. All of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too. I was paying for food more than half the time, because he would often push me into ordering food for us, even if I had paid for the last meal or the meal before that. And I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. None at all, But I wanted to, at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing, like, a back and forth. But I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time, too.

But I was also paying for every plane ticket and the catsitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England. And he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me, because he paid for the flights that we would both take. But that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself. But I was telling him that I couldn't afford it all by myself all the time, because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there, and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. That was, like, the basis of our entire relationship starting off. So then he agreed to pay for the catsitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. And he did that once. (pause) And then never did it again despite many more months of dating. And I was traveling often. I had to, because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose - choose - to not spend it on me, because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me often.

And I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time, and I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first. And then at the end of the relationship, he said maybe things would have been different if I lived there. If I lived there, like I had said I would the whole time, and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship.

And I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous. He was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. His actions escalated, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. And I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. I want people to see the signs that I refused to. I want you to listen to your body and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

I really thought I couldn't - because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship. I just thought I was so much smarter. And I was like, if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time. But you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse and worse and worse until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew and didn't care. That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? It wasn't violent enough." But I was being hurt multiple times every single day, days and days and days and days for a month at a time in a row.

And I'm not even speaking on most - because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person. I don't think that most people can be defined in a black-and-white "you're good or you're bad," but I do believe that there's a line that you can cross, and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line, you know what I mean?

And the number of - (voice breaks, covers her mouth) I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people! But I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were with me through this whole thing, and my friends who also were experiencing similar sorts of situations, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people - (laughs) I did it again. I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today.

But I am going to go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately going to go become distracted by watching Love is Blind. I already watched all of it already, and I don't care. So thank you for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. I am going to be taking the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday, and I'll be back next week, and you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably, but thank you all.

I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now, and I'll see you.

#shubble #shubble vods #wilbur situation #abuse tw #abuse cw #Youtube

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darylsdelts · 13 days

Text

IT’S A LOT

This is an old Drabble I wrote on wattpad so I thought I’d post on here <3

Darylxfemale!reader

Warnings: anxiety/panic attacks (reader)

Kinda based off personal experience so it might not be relatable to everyone

Today was supposed to be your day off, the day you usually lay around in your home in Alexandria with your boyfriend, Daryl, although he never really lays around. He's one of those people who has to always be doing something or he'll get fidgety, not you though, you'll happily lie in and stay in your pyjamas all day.

That's what you were supposed to be doing today, but no. Rick had knocked on the front door of your and Daryl's shared house at 6am, he had wanted Daryl to go hunting since the group was running low on food.

You had wanted so badly to lay in bed with Daryl for at least two more hours but Daryl had obviously agreed... it was either that or starve so you guess it's fair enough.

However, you insist you go with him, you usually wouldn't since you're not much of a hunter but the night before was a tough one for Daryl, he was upset after opening up to you about something that is quite frankly nobody else's business but yours and his.

Anyway... now you're treading lightly behind Daryl whilst he leads the way through the forest. He's tired and you can tell by the way he's walking, the way he's talking, the way he's breathing, blinking, sighing, and the way he keeps checking you're right behind him. Nobody else would be able to notice though.

You start to think of all the things that nobody, except Daryl, would notice about you.

Back at the quarry, your anxiety was really hard to deal with but no one ever noticed, you never brought it up or hinted at anything. Daryl had clicked onto your habits from the get go though, things you didn't even notice yourself. For example, he said he could tell when you were thinking too much because you'd clench your jaw repeatedly.

Daryl wasn't really familiar with the term "anxiety" even though you reckon he suffers from it more than most people, he would never complain or say anything but you knew.

The last time you had a panic attack was after the prison, when you and Daryl had gotten away. Everything that happened was "a lot", that's the only way you've ever been able to describe the feeling of your anxiety. Daryl tried his best to help but he's never been around someone having a panic attack before and he didn't want to make it worse, he just gently rubbed your back whilst you had to breathe through it.

But that was a few years ago now and you've had a few since then which has allowed Daryl to understand you even better, and he's gotten to read your body language down to a T. There's no hiding anything from him.

As you walk carefully behind Daryl, you feel your body waver for a split second... you convince yourself it's nothing and keep walking.

After a few seconds, a wave of heat comes over you, starting from your head and travelling to your feet. You exhale sharply and rub your palms on your thighs, one of your habits that you didn't notice until Daryl said something.

A third wave comes over you and you start to feel nauseous and the ground feels like it's moving beneath your feet, your tread slows and Daryl notices immediately.

He turns to face you, he looks you up and down and then he slowly walks toward you.

"You good?" His voice is low and gentle, the voice he only uses for you.

"Yeah M'fine" you reply, there's been plenty of times you've managed to pull yourself together and carry on so that's what you're gonna do.

Daryl knows how you are and pushing you for the truth would only annoy you, so he nods and starts to walk more, straining his ears to listen to your breathing instead of animal movement.

You start to realise it's not going away, you get dizzy and faint, you should sit down.

You stop walking and Daryl turns around again, not wasting a second to get to your side, almost pulling you to sit on the ground, he already knows.

You're sat now, staring into space, blinking slow, trying to control your breathing but the nausea stays.

By now, Daryl knows you're fighting a panic attack, all the signs are there, he just doesn't know what triggered it but he also knows that sometimes it could be nothing for you.

From his experience of you, he also knows that it's a hit or miss whether or not physical touch will help or hinder, so he does the same thing he always does, just to check.

He presses the tip of his index finger to yours and when you don't pull away he holds his palm to your palm, you still don't pull away so he takes your wrist and presses your hand to his chest so you can feel his heart beat and his breathing rhythm.

"Breathe like me, sweetheart... you're okay" he keeps his gentle voice as he searches for eye contact which you won't grant him so he doesn't pry.

"Would pressure help you this time, darlin'?" He's assuming you'll say yes, if you're allowing physical affection then that usually means that the pressure will help. The pressure refers to Daryl applying a small amount of pressure to your chest to help ground you.

You don't make eye contact yet but you give a subtle nod, so he knows what to do. He lets go of your wrist so he can move behind you.

He sits so you're between his legs with your back against his chest, he wraps his arms around your chest and holds you to him, his hands putting a small amount of pressure on you.

He kisses the back of your head while whispering to you.

"Yer doin' so good baby, jus' keep on breath in' fer me... that's it, good girl"

His love for you is so evident and you feel it, it helps and your breathing becomes more regular. You whimper very quietly since now the initial panic is over, you feel exhausted. It may not look like much, to anyone else, you just look like you're sat, with your boyfriend hugging you from behind, but inside it feels like so much and Daryl knows that.

"Ya alrigh', sweet girl? Ya feeling a lil better now?"

"Mhm" you reply weakly and your exhaustion is clear.

"We'll stay here for a bit, Mkay?" He lets go from holding around your chest and strokes along your hair line as you start to shift your body so you're facing him.

"Hey beautiful..." he smiles at you and strokes his thumb over your cheek, your eyes are a lil misty and sleepy.

He places his big hand on the back of your head and pulls you into his chest, resting his chin on your head.

You feel so grateful for your gentle man and the fact he knows you so well, you didn't have to say a single thing.

"I love you..." you mumble into his chest.

"I love you more, sweetheart... rest for a bit, I'll protect you" he reassures.

"Can keep going, I'm okay..." you don't want to be the reason you return empty handed.

"Ya ain't swayin' me darlin'... close yer eyes fer me, yeah?"

You groan but do as your told, you know he means it.

"That's it baby, it's all alright"

You feel him gently stroke your hair as you drift into relaxation.

#daryl dixon imagine #the walking dead fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl x reader #norman reedus

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kinzis-writing · 7 months

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Summary: After a horrible break-up, Y/N, decided to pack up and move her life from Buffalo, NY to Cincinnati, OH. She would be closer to her manager and she would be in the area where her podcast began. What she didn’t expect was to find a new relationship in another football player. <summary freaking sucks, and I wish I could write my summaries better but they are what they are.>

Pairing/Fandom: Tee Higgins x Fem! Reader! (NFL)

Warning(s): use of Taylor swifts songs as own (all rights go to her), bad guy! Josh Allen (sorry), fluff, maybe some angst, a few choice words.

All music, gifs, photos, etc. goes to their rightful owners. I am just using these in my imagine, so please don’t be rude.

I hate how I ended this, but I was not sure exactly how you wanted it! let me know if you wanted something different! based on this request. *Not edited so may have grammar/spelling erros.*

“How dare he! How dare he say that I am too immature and that’s why the relationship ended.” Y/N spoke to her friend Olivia who was sitting down beside where she was standing.

The girl had moved back to Cincinnati over eight months ago, her and josh had been broken up for a little over a year now. He had already moved on, seeing as he had made the news with an actress.

“Actually he said that he dated a lot of immature girls and that’s why he’ll never date someone younger than him again.” Olivia corrected Y/N as she gave the girl a look.

“I’m going to kill him.” Y/N grumbled as she plopped down on the couch.

“Woah, who’s going to face the wrath of Y/N today?” Joe burrow asked as he walked into the living room and gave Olivia a kiss before placing his bag down. Ja’Marr, Tee, Logan, Sam, and Tyler made their way in after him.

“Josh, that’s who.” Olivia spoke up knowing that Y/N was in distress right now. “Trying to ruin her reputation.”

Y/N huffed at what Olivia told the guys before glancing around at the Bengals players. “I’m pissed, but maybe it’s because I’m too immature.” She mocked, throwing her head back. “That dick acts like I was ten years younger than him. I’m 24, and he’s 26.” Y/N then turned to Logan who she knew had played college ball with Josh. "Did he ever try to ruin any of his other ex's?"

Logan shrugged not really knowing what to say. He had played with Josh in Wyoming, but was unsure about much else concerning his love life. What the guys did know was that Y/N was far from immature and everyone on the team loved her, the significant others included.

"He's just mad because he lost the best girl he ever had." Tee spoke up, the guys nodding in agreement.

It was no secret that Tee and Y/N were close. They were often mistaken for a couple when they were out in public together and the two had set the record straight multiple times. After Y/N moved to Ohio, Tee was the one to help her through the rough patch of healing from her break-up with Allen.

"Channel that anger into a number one hit and put him in his place." Sam suggested as he sat down on one of the chairs in the living room.

"I've already started," Y/N mumbled getting all the attention on her. Usually she shared her songs with Tee or Olivia. This one had been kept secret because she wasn't sure how she felt about it. "I don't know how I feel about because I wrote it about Josh and then one of my songwriting friends wrote one part and it doesn't even match him."

Olivia gave Joe a knowing look before he nodded and left the living room, returning with a guitar that Y/n had accidentally left. "You are not leaving this house until you give us a snippet." Olivia spoke sternly while Joe placed the guitar in Y/N's lap.

The girl rolled her eyes before gesturing for everyone to sit down, tee making sure to sit next to her, she opened up her phone and ran over the lyrics quickly. "you know what they say, you can't help who you fall for. And you and I fell like an early spring snow, but reality crept in, you said we're too different. You laughed at my dreams, rolled your eyes at my jokes. Mr. Superior thinkin' do you have all the space that you need? I don't have to be your shrink to know that you'll never be happy and I bet you think about me."

"That'll do it." Logan spoke before letting out a laugh. Y/N rolled her eyes and sat the guitar down on the coffee table.

"I bet you think about me, is the name of the song." Y/N mumbled before standing up, "I think I'm going to go. I have to record a podcast episode tomorrow and I need to get ready for that."

"I'll walk you out." Tee offered as Y/N told their friends bye.

Y/N collected her stuff before going to slip on her shoes. She and tee slipped out of the Burrow household and made their way to her Toyota. She carefully put her items in the backseat before turning to face her best friend.

“I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I’m fully over Josh.” She spoke up her gaze locking on the guy she has liked for the past five months. “You’ve helped me through everything and I just didn’t want you to think that it was all for nothing. I just worry about my jobs and such.”

Tee nodded, “I know.” He assured her. He quickly opened her car door once he realized she was going to open it. “Do you want company tomorrow?”

A grin made its way onto Y/N’s face, “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” He asked. His own smile growing in his face. Y/N nodded before biting her lip. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you, Tamaurice.” Y/N replied causing the man to groan.

“Really, why you gotta use my full name.” Y/N just smirked before getting in her car and slowly pulling out of the drive to head towards her house.

"What's your take on the whole "every NFL player cheats on their significant other" thought process?" Y/N asked as she sat across from one of her friends, Allison Kuch. Her husband had previously played for the Cleveland browns and that was how the two girls had gotten close.

"I hate it." She laughed as she glanced at the two guys sitting behind the camera. Isaac was sitting next to Tee as the girls recorded Y/N's podcast episode. "I don't particularly think that the NFL would make someone cheat."

"Right." Y/N nodded, "If they are gonna cheat then they will no matter their job." Y/N finished.

"I read many articles about that being your case and I was like.. that doesn't sound right. I think it's funny how the media takes things and runs with it." Allison spoke into the microphone.

Y/N let out a small huff before nodding her head, "yeah, they do. I remember when the news hit that Josh and I broke up, which we had been broken up for two months before media and fans put it together. There were articles saying I was out with another guy in New York and then there were some saying Josh was hanging out with his ex and others. It was definitely many lies being told." Y/N agreed before moving onto the next question.

"I have a question for you, actually." Allison spoke up gaining the attention of Y/N. "Do you think that Josh ruined any plans to ever get with a professional athlete again?"

The question had gained the attention of Tee who was talking to Isaac about the upcoming football season. Y/N let out a nervous laugh, "Uh, no. I mean, the whole immature jab was hurtful but if you have bitter ex's then." Y/N shrugged not knowing how to continue that sentence. "My thought process is that one guy does not define the entire population. Josh does not define the NFL men population, you know?"

Allison nodded before the two carried on with the episode and eventually called it quits. After the podcast was over, Allison and Isaac had told the two goodbye and left to head back to their hotel. Tee was helping Y/N pick up her podcast room and get her equipment situated before they had shut the lights off and closed the door.

"You hungry? I was thinking about making dinner." Y/N mumbled as she walked into her kitchen and leaned back against the counter. She was trying to think of what to make that sounded good to her. Truth be told, since her break-up she hadn't been eating as much which was causing her to lose weight.

"I'm good with whatever." Tee shrugged as he came to a stop in front of her and leaned against the island. "Does it bother you that people ask about Josh?"

The girl in front of him shrugged, "Not really. He's part of my past and people want to know, and I think talking about it can be healing." she explained thinking about her past with the NFL quarterback. "Does it bother you that people ask about him?"

Tee was taken back by that question. He was not expecting to have her reconcile that question back to him. "A little, maybe." He muttered not knowing how she would take the new information.

Y/N nodded, the butterflies swarming in her stomach. "Can I play you a song that I've been working on?" she asked almost shyly. It was strange for her not to be outgoing around him. He had been her best friend for almost a year now and she had never cowered under him.

"Course." Tee agreed as he followed Y/N to her living room. She had her guitar, notebook, and pen laid out neatly on her coffee table.

Y/N picked up her guitar once they got situated on the couch and started the chords for the song. It was an upbeat song which she would have to give him an idea of what the acoustic would sound like. "we kept everything professional, but something's changed, it's somethin' I like. They keep watchful eyes on us, so it's best that we move fast and keep quiet. You won't believe half the things I see inside my head, wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened, yet." She sang carefully.

Her eyes stayed on the notepad as she sang, scared to see her best friend's reaction. "but what would you do, if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? what would you do if we never made a sound? Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall for me, I can see you up against the wall with me, and what would you do? baby if you only knew. That I can see you, throw your jacket on the floor, I can see you make me want you even more, what would you do, baby if you only knew. That I can see you." She finished singing the snippet of her almost finished song.

Y/N carefully laid her guitar back in its previous spot and turned towards her best friend. "What do you think?" she asked nervously.

The Bengal's wide receiver nodded, "it's great." He told the girl his honest opinion. "Did someone inspire it or was it one of those late-night thoughts you get?"

"You, inspired it." Y/n mumbled knowing that it was now or never to get her feelings out there. She wanted to tell him before he met someone else and did not have the chance for him to see her like that. Tee stared at her for a good couple of minutes unknowing what to say. "Can you please say something?" she asked after the long silence. Her stomach was churning from nerves.

"You wrote a sexual song about me?"

"Now you make it sound horrible." Y/n muttered as she stood up trying to ease her stomach. The bile was slowly rising in her throat and she was unsure of how to take back what she had just said. "It's fine that you don't feel the same way, really. We can forget that I ever said anything."

"We could," Tee spoke as he stood up, causing Y/N's throat to burn even more. "Or we could make your song a reality..." he trailed. Y/n froze on the spot, her churning stomach coming to a halt as she felt relief flood her body. "What was it again?" He asked pretending to think. "I can see you up against the wall with me?" he asked. Y/N nodded unsure of his next move.

Without warning, he lifted her up by her thighs and placed then around his toned waist and carefully walked them backwards until her back hit the hallway wall. Y/n's heart was beating in her chest, her stomach was fluttering. The girl raised her eyes up to meet his brown ones, the closeness of them making her yearn for him. "You feel the same way?" she mumbled not sure what to say as her hands landed on the back of his neck. His braids tickled her knuckles a bit, but it was a feeling she loved.

Instead of answering, he carefully leaned closer and locked lips with the girl he had wanted since he met her. It was everything that they had both expected and even more than what they were expecting.

*About a year and some months later* (I guess around this 2023 season)

The last year had been going great for Y/N, she had her man that she was in love with, she had a successful album which consisted of her single about Josh and the one about Tee, and better yet, her relationship had been kept private for the most part.

your.username

💟868k

your.username Game Dey! Good luck to my favorite man. No matter the outcome of todays game you’ll always be my favorite! #whodey

username Bruh how does this girl get NFL guys?

username2 you dating Ja’Marr or Tee?

teehigginsmom_5 win this game boys!! Thank you for supporting my boy. <3

—> your.username always!! <3

username3 josh Allen >>> Tee Higgins

—> your.username maybe if you wanna man with temper… I prefer a man who treats me right!

username4 so “I can see you” is about Tee Higgins? … I am NOT okay!! I love it!!

The game had not gone as expected, many thought that the Raven's would lose but it turned out to be a loss for the Bengals. Y/N was still extremely proud of Tee, he had gotten 12 of the 24 points that they had made. Fans were leaving the stadium, most wearing Bengals gear, while some were in Raven's gear.

"Hi," a voice stopped Y/N as she was starting to head towards the Bengals locker room. "Can I get a picture?" The younger girl asked holding out her phone. Y/N gave the girl a smile and nodded before bending down to her level and getting a picture of the two. "Thank you. I really like you being friends with the Bengals, my dad makes me wear a raven's jersey because my mom likes Joe burrow."

Y/N gave the little girl a small smile, "well, I'll make sure to tell Joe and the team all about you." she said softly before she felt a presence beside of her. "It was nice to meet you."

"You too, thank you to much!" the fan replied before running off to find her family.

Y/N stood up and turned around to be met with Olivia who was probably heading to wait for Joe. Both girls headed towards the locker room and stopped outside when they could hear Zac Taylor’s voice. He was ranting while also trying to encourage them not to give up. It was obvious to Y/N that he was trying to get onto the team while keeping their hopes high.

Pretty soon after coach was done ranting, the boys started walking out talking amongst themselves. “Hey you.” Y/N greeted Tee softly once she seen him and pushed herself off the wall. “You did good out there.”

“Coulda been better.” Tee shrugged as his arms went to wrap around her waist.

“Hey!” Y/N scolded slightly. “12 points is still amazing.” She assured, her hands locking around his neck.

Tee gave her a small smile and pulled her into him. Their season was starting out horrible, and every single one of them hated it. Y/N squeezed her boyfriend before pulling back a bit, "You ready to get out of here?" she asked softly a twinkling in her eye that Tee had caught.

"for sure."

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