#let the intros roll during the song intro too

[denpa-dere]

house arrest 4

afab!mc x asmo description: NSFW, you are confined to your room for your own protection. But how long will that last when the only thing standing between you and your housemates is a door and some willpower? Asmo knows you need a break.

warnings: breeding kink with talk scents/scenting, afab reader with she/her pronouns. dubcon warning!!! This one turned out sounding kind of sketch in places, but actions depicted are intended to be consensual. spoilers: aphrodisiac used.

|| Intro || Mammon || Asmo (mini) || Levi || Satan (mini) || Beel || Lucifer (mini) || Asmo || Belphie (mini) || Belphie || Barbatos (mini) ||

Asmo:

Asmo: I heard what happened. 

Asmo: If you need a little something for those love bites, come see me. It's incredible what Devildom cosmetics can do. 

Asmo:

You puffed a little laugh watching the messages roll in. Leave it to Asmo to be so sweet under such ridiculous circumstances. 

Turning your phone face down on the pillow beside you, you folded your hands over your chest, staring up at the ceiling and taking inventory of the situation at hand. In the motion, your hands briefly brushed against a stray bite mark, sending a jolt of pleasure-pain throughout your body.

You had, by your estimation, about three more days under the microscope. The halfway point had snuck up on you amidst a flurry of seemingly nonstop activity. Until now, you hadn't had a chance to breathe, let alone strategize. 

Responding to those messages meant walking straight into a trap, of that much you could be certain. Truthfully, his distance thus far had surprised you. Asmo was something of a dark horse; an unpredictability bubbled just under his surface. Surrounded by his sin, comfortable and in his element, there was no way of knowing how his behavior would manifest. 

Well, there was one way. 

___

“Aww, muffin! You came!” Asmo cheered, swinging the door open before you could even knock. He flung his arms around your neck and pulled you into a tight hug. 

He paused to take a good look at you, lightly chiding: “You're a mess, you poor thing! Come on, let's get you fixed up.”

Linking his arm in yours, Asmo led you inside where he left you waiting at the edge of his bed while he broke away to dig through a readily prepared stash of bottles and assorted sundries.

“Brutes, all of them,” He clucked his tongue, “You’ll have to tell me all about it, obviously.”

You laughed, settling back amongst the pillows, “They’re not so bad. They’re trying.”

“Please. You coddle them,” The demon teased, rolling his eyes at you, “Meanwhile, you look like a chew toy.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No need to worry, Asmo-chan is here!” He sing-songed, joining you on the bed with an armful of products, “And I’ve got just the thing- I brought my most powerful arsenal.”

This seemed… normal? Too normal, you thought. Asmo chattered on happily, laying out his choices one-by-one and explaining the benefits of each. All else aside, it felt like any other spa day. Perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised that The Avatar of Lust remained unfazed in the face of something that may very well be considered a mundane part of his domain. After all, Asmo had been the one to keep a cool head back when…

“Sounds good?” He chirped, holding up a jar in the shape of a deep purple crystal, eyes glittering with excitement.

“S-sure!” You nodded, hoping your eagerness covered up the fact you had entirely zoned out during his presentation.

“Yay~” He unscrewed the lid, “Then we can start with ones on your neck.”

You tried to relax, craning your head to one side. Asmo gathered some of the lightly-scented balm between his fingers and you sighed when he softly traced the sensitive marks.

“This stuff works quickly,” He assured you, extending the motion down to your collarbone, “I didn’t think Beel would be so bitey. On second thought, I guess it does make sense…”

With a practiced familiarity, you reached to pull your shirt overhead, “I think he got me on my back, too.”

“Ooh, lemme see!”

You rolled onto your stomach and buried your face into one of about a thousand silk pillows. Asmo gasped. Chuckling to himself, he wasted no time getting to work on your shoulders, and although you jumped at his touch at first, you soon found yourself sinking into its warmth.

You were feeling pretty warm. 

“They're fading already,” Asmo said, sounding impressed with himself. He positioned himself over you, straddling your hips for purchase, ministrations straying closer to a massage than a cosmetic treatment. 

“Is that why I'm so warm?” You asked, groaning in appreciation as he helpfully teased out a knot between your shoulder blades. 

“That's probably the magdalena extract,” He giggled, breath tickling  the shell of your ear, “Like I said, this stuff works fast.”

You rolled the name over in your mind, trying to remember where you had heard it before. A fog was encroaching on your thoughts, swaddling your head in a thick haze reminiscent of being wine-drunk. 

“Do you like it?” The fifth-born's voice stayed soft and playful as his hands glided down the small of your back. You set your remaining thoughts aside and sighed again, feeling yourself become putty in his hands. 

“Good,” He cooed, nuzzling your neck and nipping gently at your ear, “Then, do you want to turn over so I can get the rest of you?”

You hummed in agreement, turning underneath him when he rose up on his knees enough for you to move. Once situated on your back, Asmo lowered down to sit on you, again; his lithe frame light enough to not cause any discomfort, but heavy enough to keep you in place. You studied him through lowered lashes– he truly was beautiful.

“Ah, there you are,” He said as if seeing you for the first time. He tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, tangerine gaze raking over your flushed body.

Magdalena extract. 

The name continued to echo somewhere in the back of your mind. 

Asmo collected a generous amount of the salve, warming it between his hands before tenderly cupping your abused chest. His tongue poked out cutely between his lips in concentration, perfectly manicured fingers trailing feather-light over fading teeth imprints and rapidly stiffening nipple peaks. 

It's an aphrodisiac. An alarm bell sounded somewhere in the distance. You were too far away to pay it any attention. 

“I swear, these boys have no idea how it's done,” He murmured, more to himself than to you, and leaned in to take one of your nipples into his mouth. He lapped around the sensitive bud, sending you reeling. Your eyes rolled back as your body exploded in sensation, arching off the mattress. 

What the fuck was that? You wouldn't have time to think too hard about it. 

“Shh,” He lovingly shushed you, stuffing two fingers in your mouth, “You don't want to get us caught, do you~?”

You whimpered around the digits’ probing–  even their intrusion was starting to feel good. Asmo turned his attention back to your body. He trailed his free hand down your side, tracing the hem of your waistband. 

“Can I?” He looked up at you with a hopeful smile. You nodded, eager to shed the remaining clothes covering your feverish skin. Asmo removed his fingers from your mouth to help shimmy you out of your bottoms. 

“You know,” The demon said, parting your legs to sit between them, “Your scent has been driving me crazy for almost a week now.” He pouted, “It's pretty rude.”

Goosebumps cropped up along your thighs, following the path of his hands applying more healing balm. You lifted your hips for him, allowing space for him to slip his hands under your ass.

“Besides, everyone's been paying attention to you,” Asmo huffed, kissing each of your hip bones. Your eyes watered. “That doesn't seem fair.”

“ -‘m sorry,” You managed to whine, rolling your hips against your will. You ached for more. 

He giggled again, placing a few more kisses along your stomach, “Aww, that's okay. We'll have plenty of time for you to give me attention. Lucifer thinks I left the house hours ago.”

The words hardly registered. Asmo offered you two of his fingers again, which you readily accepted into your mouth. You twisted your tongue around them and sucked, and he looked at you like you hung the stars. 

He was right. There was plenty of time 

to be spent lavishing one another with affection– and what more perfect place to start, he thought, than playing with your adorable puffy clit until you cried that you loved him. 

You had all night, after all. 

#obey me smut #obey me fanfic #obey me x reader #asmo x reader #asmodeus x reader #x reader

[jae-bummer]

Karaoke Kisses

Request: Hello~ I hope you’re doing well. May I request #2 and #14 with Felix (skz) please? :)🩵

Prompt:

2) "Don't look at them. Look at me."

14) Your bias confesses through text message while sitting next to you.

Pairing: Stray Kids Felix x Reader

Genre: Fluff

.

You melted into a fit of giggles as Chan tossed you the microphone for safe keeping. Tucking it behind your back, you looked up with wide eyes as I.N, Han, and Changbin began to surround you from varying angles. If you were going to die tonight, it would be protecting everyone's ears from yet another poorly sang rendition of Hellavator.

"They have our songs on the machine for a reason, Y/N!" Han whined as he stepped closer. "One of us neeeeeds to get 100%. We have a reputation to protect!"

"I think you have other reputations you should probably be worrying about over this one," Lee Know barked from the corner, keeping the other mic in his hand.

"I got 98% on it during my turn," Seungmin grumbled. "Isn't that enough for you guys?"

Apparently, it wasn't.

"You grab their shoulders," Han nodded to Changbin. "I'll do the tickling."

"Come on guys," Felix cooed, sliding across the cushions to sit beside you. Placing his hands between you and the advancing group, he smiled up at them sweetly. "Surely we can come to some sort of peaceful agreement here."

"Look at Felix trying to rescue Y/N," Hyunjin teased from across the room. "You're not doing a very good job!"

"We're rational adults," Felix continued after shooting Hyunjin a dirty look. You felt his fingers begin to creep behind your back, immediately putting you on high alert. His touch had a way of doing that.

Tapping down your skinship panic, you realized a little too late that his hand had closed around the mic you were white knuckling. He cleared his throat before continuing, "We can totally-"

You gasped as he rushed away from you, the karaoke microphone in hand.

"Traitor!" Han yelled before racing toward him. "Our tickles know no mercy!"

Lee Know picked that exact moment to begin singing a trot song, but in the style of a funeral march. It really added to the vibe of pure chaos erupting around you. After what had to have been multiple minutes, the scene finally ended when Changbin bear-hugged Felix to the ground, allowing Han to rip the mic from his fingers.

"I didn't want to do it Felix," Han clucked. "But you forced me to."

"That's victim blaming," Seungmin nodded.

"The only victim here is me!" Han gasped. "It was my turn!"

"The victim here is everyone's eardrums," you groaned. "As much as I love you all, and your impressive discography, can you please not sing the same song for the fifth time?"

"Fine," Han pouted, crossing his arms. "Chan, you pick."

Chan looked up from the tablet of song selections and grinned mischeviously. In an instant, the intro to "Party in the USA" began to blare across the room.

Rolling his eyes, Lee Know immediately pushed the second microphone into Changbin's palm, giving cause for him to finally let go of Felix.

You watched in amusement as Felix crawled over to where you were sitting and pulled himself up onto the sofa. Letting out a heavy sigh, he slumped against the cushions, and tilted his head to the side to look at you. You smiled in return and reached up to fix his disheveled hair.

"I saved the day," he said cutely, closing his eyes at your touch.

"You did!" you laughed, focusing on fixing the direction of his rumpled strands. Being this close to Felix always caused your stomach to go in a tizzy. Even in the dimmed lighting of the karaoke room, his freckles stood out brightly on his face. His long lashes fluttered just above his cheekbones full of constellations. Continuing to trace your eyes quickly across his features, you tried not to pass out as he licked his lips.

It only took a few seconds to get Felix to rights again, but as you pulled away, your eyes caught his as they were blinking open. Inhaling slowly, his lips remained slightly parted as he watched you unabashedly. You instantly felt heat begin to creep up your neck and darted your eyes away. Letting out a light chuckle over the shared moment, both you and Felix looked over to the other members. Sans Changbin and Han, every set of eyes were on you.

Furrowing your brows, you gave them all a questioning look. Almost instantly, they all diverted their attention in different directions.

"What was that about?" you asked over the screaming that was being labelled as karaoke.

"What?" Felix asked, now also refusing to look at you.

"Everyone staring at us," you laughed. "I know you saw that too."

"I didn't really notice," he said with a small frown. He shook his head slightly before glancing at you.

"Oh, so I made it up then, did I?" you grumbled. "How convenient."

Felix gripped at his chest dramatically. "Your accusations! They wound me!"

You rolled your eyes and poked Felix in the forehead, intending to push his nonsense away from you. Looking back over to Han and Changbin, you noticed Chan was still staring intently at the two of you.

"See!" you gasped, pointing at Chan dramatically.

Chan's eyes grew wide as he pointed to himself.

"Yes, you!" you yelled, but not loud enough to travel over the music.

You looked to Felix who started initiating a nonverbal conversation with his older member. With his eyes narrowed, you could tell that Felix was chastising him for something.

"Secrets don't make friends!" you yelled, hoping to reach both boys over the din.

Felix glanced back at you with a smile. "He's just being weird."

"And you aren't?"

"Weird is kind of my brand, Y/N," he grinned, waggling his eyebrows. You shook your head, regrettably scooting away from him and more toward the wall on the opposite side of you. Unfortunately, this was also where a pair of speakers were hidden.

"Wait!" Felix gasped. Turning his body toward yours, he followed you until you were nearly touching. The small chase made your heart pick up speed. "Y/N, can we talk?"

"I don't know," you said genuinely, motioning to 3racha bouncing around in front of the lyrics screen. "It's kind of hard to hear."

"I just...need to tell-" his lips continued to move, but you weren't catching anything. His deep tone was already difficult to hear sometimes, but in this atmosphere, it was nearly impossible.

"I can't," you said, motioning to your ear.

Felix huffed in frustration before looking up with a lost expression. You waited for him to try again but came up with a better idea. Yanking your phone from your pocket, you pointed to the screen.

He smiled before pulling his mobile out as well. You watched as he gnawed on his lower lip, his fingers flying across the keyboard. With furrowed brows, he paused, and began erasing half of what he had written.

You tried to ignore the empty feeling in your stomach that only grew the longer he typed. Felix made you nervous on a good day, let alone when you needed to have "a talk". Maybe the crush you were harboring in silence hadn't been so silent at all and he needed to tell you to chill out. Maybe he was writing a dissertation about how the two of you would knock out Changbin and Han, tape them to the wall, and keep the microphones well out of their reach.

Finally hitting the send button, Felix was ready to put you out of your misery. Watching as the text message rolled in, you looked back up to him. He nodded with a small smile, encouraging you to read.

idk how to start this, so I'll just give it my best go, yeah? i'm terrified of screwing up our friendship, but i owe us both this. i have feelings for you, y/n...really big, sparkly, fireworks type of feelings. just knowing you has made my life so much better, and really made me so much better of a person too.

Your heart was hammering in your chest. Felix was the absolute best person you knew, so this declaration meant a lot. You had never fathomed that your feelings for him were mutual, but here you were.

i'm not asking you to return these feelings (but it would be really cool if you did). you don't have to be anything more to me than this if you don't want to (but i think partner has a certain ring to it, doesn't it? like we're cute little cowboys who like each other a lot) i'm glad i'm telling you and either way, you're so fcking important. always.

You remained staring at the screen, reading and rereading his text at least five times before you could gather the courage to look up. Felix waited patiently, hope evident in his eyes.

You opened your mouth to speak but weren't sure of what to say. You looked over his shoulder at the handful of Stray Kids members not singing. They all were staring at you in earnest.

"Hey," you heard Felix grind out. His fingers stroked along your jaw, directing your attention back to him. Leaning forward, he gripped the back of your neck so he could speak directly in your ear. "Don't look at them. Look at me."

In that moment, you thought you would simply swallow your tongue. His deep voice curled around your ear and made its way through your body to pool heavily at the bottom of your stomach.

Tilting slightly away from you again, he leaned his elbow against the couch and sat his cheek in his palm. His position kept him close but allowed for a small cushion for comfort. Your eyes searched his as you tried to find the right thing to say.

"It doesn't have to be perfect," Felix said, seeming to read your mind. "But please, just say something."

"Yes," you squeaked, still dealing with the heat of his presence dancing across your body.

"Yes?" he asked. A smirk played over his lips. His eyes never left yours as he waited for you to continue.

"Yes, I have feelings for you," you confirmed. This caused Felix's smirk to turn into a full blown, sunshiney smile. You tried to engrave this image into your memories. You didn't know if you had ever seen something more beautiful.

Leaning forward and holding your jaw, Felix looked at you with a renewed wonder. "May I kiss you?"

"If you don't, I think I might die," you grinned.

This caused another award-winning smile before Felix dove in. Any type of kiss you had daydreamed about paled in comparison to his actual lips. Soft and pillowy, he held you so reverently, the quiet admiration was enough to make you want to cry. Not going in for a long kiss, he placed a series of short and gentle ones on your lips instead. He was letting you have a taste of what all of this could be, and you were more than ready to accept it.

Pulling away, he grinned sheepishly at you as the room burst into screaming and applause. You covered your face with your hands as you allowed him to tuck you under his arm. Glancing through your fingers, you couldn't help but laugh at the men hopping around excitedly.

"And to the happy couple," Han announced on the microphone. "We give you...Hellavator!"

#felix lee #lee yongbok #skz #stray kids #stray kids felix #skz felix #lee felix #yongbok #felix fluff #felix fanfic #felix x reader #felix stray kids #yongbok fluff #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #skz fanfic

[mochaquokka]

Habit

Slow dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night during a heavy storm might not be the cure to insomnia, but it comes close.

— bang chan x gn reader | 692 words | fluff

— If you enjoy, please consider reblogging! <3

— I do not give permission to repost, copy, plagiarize, or translate my works.

The water's boiling.

The roaring bubbles in the small pot blend with the heavy pattering of the storm against the kitchen window.

The water's boiling, but you can't bring yourself to grab the packet of ramen.

Intermittent flashes of lightning brighten up the dim apartment, otherwise lit by the warm glow of a couple nightlights so it's easier to walk.

The pounding thunder that follows barely makes you jump, but you can't help but look back at your living room in wonder.

The water's boiling, the ramen is still in the packet, and he's still sleeping.

He really must've been exhausted.

Seven hours ago, Chan had called you on his way home from another late night working at the new studio. This being his fourth night without sleep, driving home in the storm amidst his exhaustion made him nervous, so he called to have you on the line with him.

This guy planned to drive the entire thirty minutes without being able to see the road in front of him, whether that was due to the storm or because he couldn't keep his eyes open.

So as any good friend would do, you offered your place since you lived closer.

He objected at first, insisting he was fine enough to make it back, right when his wheel brushed a bit too close against a median, to which he quickly redirected his course to your place.

As soon as he stepped inside, he collapsed onto your couch without a word.

The water's still boiling, the ramen is still in the packet, and you're still awake, standing idly in your kitchen.

A well-known dilemma between the two of you, Chan and you both suffer from insomnia. Unlike him, however, you don’t have four consecutive days of zero sleep to aid you tonight. And that leaves you here—awake in your kitchen, staring at the rolling bubbles, wishing it could lull you.

The water’s boiling. Are you even hungry?

A soft touch at your side causes you to jump, but you quickly melt into the presence of Chan pulling you into his embrace from behind. His chin rests on your shoulder to get a view of what you’re up to.

He speaks as he takes in a slow draw of air to yawn. “Ramen?” His voice is groggy, clearly still in need of more rest. “At four in the morning?”

You hum to confirm, feeling his warmth transfer to your own body and instantly bring comfort. “Can’t sleep.”

He hums, a mimic of yours, and tugs you in a bit tighter, holding you while he lets his weight rest on your shoulders. Cocooned like this, you could almost feel yourself getting sleepy. A hopeful 'almost'.

You both watch on in silence as the water continues to boil, and the storm continues to patter, before Chan decides to break the trance.

He shifts a bit, digging in his pocket, and ends up placing his phone on the counter. Delicate touches follow to guide you to face him, his arms never losing their perch around your waist, pulling you close.

Confusion leads way to understanding when his phone softly starts to play music against the thrum of the storm. You recognize the song Habit by Seventeen.

Chan then leans in to nudge his cheek to yours and whispers in your ear, "Dance with me."

His body begins to sway you both gently and you smile, easily falling into rhythm with him and bringing your hands to rest on his shoulders.

He sighs deeply as the song plays, and it’s laden with sleepy content. And when you rest your head into the crook of his neck, he rests his against yours and soothes a hand along your back.

The two of you continue to slow dance like this in the middle of the kitchen, with the water still boiling, the ramen still in the packet, and the storm accompanying you.

And when the song comes to a close, you're reluctant to separate from him, but as the intro of the song starts over, you look to him.

“It’s on loop.” He grins, beginning to sway you both once more.

#I have a lot to say about this one #first is that it’s my first full fic posted here ^D^ 🎉 #I’ve had this simple idea since 2019 but never had the words to bring it to life #I figured—last minute—that it would be nice to post it on Chan’s birthday #it’s nothing special #I put in the effort but it’s not meant to be professional #just cozy #bang chan x reader #bang chan fluff #bang chan x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #bang chan x gn!reader #stray kids fluff #stray kids x reader #slow dancing in the dark #bang chan imagines #bang chan soft hours #stray kids imagines #stray kids soft hours #bang chan drabbles #fic: habit #food mention

[be-with-me-so-happily]

Chapter 2

Series Summary: Gemma is definitely Cassidy James' favourite Styles family member, considering they are best friends and all. And especially considering that Harry Styles is Gemma's smug and self-centered younger brother. Her life isn't perfect, and neither is she, but she hates how everyone thinks Harry is. Because she knows that's not the case.

Chapter Summary: As Harry's show continues, so do the flashbacks that keep bombarding Cassidy with each song.

Chapter Warnings: Some explicit language, mention of drinking, anxiety attack, Robin Twist passing away & funeral reception

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

Cassidy doesn't like to admit that Harry's songs are really good. She also doesn't like that she can't help herself from dancing to them. And what she hates even more is when Harry catches her doing it. Especially when it causes a smirk to appear on his face.

He's sung two songs already, and is now performing 'Adore You'. It's good. Too good. And it's so fun, which is why she starts to move around with Gemma as soon as the rhythmic bass of the intro begins to play.

"Walking your rainbow paradise…"

His quick glance up is the first moment he's looked at her. At least, it's the first time she has allowed direct contact, because she did not want to give him that during 'Watermelon Sugar'. She's not dumb, she knows what that song is about. And giving him her attention during that one just wasn't going to happen.

"Walk through fire for you, just let me adore you."

He looks up again, a quick glance up, a concentrated furrow in his brow under the bright lights. The thought crosses her mind that maybe he can't see her. That would be nice, considering she wouldn't be personally feeding his ego by being in attendance.

With the hope that she is hidden from Harry's view, she begins to bounce along to the song more vibrantly. It's almost unavoidable, and as much as it annoys her, she can't hold back from moving to the beat.

It's a fun song, and she may as well attempt to have some fun while she's there, considering she'd rather be anywhere else.

"Just let me adore you… oh honey!"

Again he glances up, this time forming a smirk on his lips as he notices her dancing, and performing a little imitation of her moves from the stage.

A little frustration appears from being seen dancing, but more so from the fact that she just blushed from that mild moment of attention she received, and the smile it produced from him. That frustration grows as she realizes she once again fell for the charm, even if for a second, and once again fed his ego. So her movements halt.

"Walk through fire for you… sing!" He points his mic to the crowd, and of course they obey.

"Just let me adore you!"

She rolls her eyes, keeping her lips tight as everyone else chants it out, wondering if this song is actually from his perspective or something he wants to hear from others. He knows he's adored, but he still wants to hear it.

Typical Harry.

He wants everyone to love him, and they do. He wants people to be there for him, and they are. Just like back in his One Direction days, except this is worse, because it actually is all about him. Just how he likes it. Just how he expects it.

[ flashback - Jan 2016 ]

Cassidy has no reason to be shocked by the article Roxie had placed in front of her that day at the office, two weeks ago.

She knew exactly what was going to happen on that yacht trip. Exactly. She would say she's dumb to think any different, but that wasn't even the case, because she didn't. She didn't think any other scenario would play out.

So it's baffling to her that she is sitting on her bed, still staring at the photos plastered all over social media, feeling a twinge in her heart at the sight of Kendall Jenner's body pressed down against Harry's bare chest. She's baffled by the knot forming in her stomach, as she looks over images of another girl's lips on his, remembering the moments they were soft against her own, as well as the moments they were a bit more ravenous.

She can't be upset. She has no reason to be upset. They had sex twice. Two casual hookups, with a guy she has only ever been annoyed by, do not grant her the right to feel jealous.

So she won't. She doesn't.

To her relief, her phone itself pulls her out of those thoughts with multiple vibrations. She opens up her messages and clicks on the first notification

🗨️ Gemma: hey, r u coming to harry's bday thing tonight?

She loves her best friend, but sometimes she's clueless. Granted, she doesn't know about the activities that Harry and Cassidy have partaken in, but she can only remember one birthday party of Harry's that she attended since he auditioned on X-Factor. She didn't even attend all of them during the time before that. Why would she do that now?

🗨️ Cassidy: wasn't planning on it

She closes that message, knowing full well that Gemma will potentially send her a response of protest soon, and takes the moment to open up the other new one waiting for her attention.

🗨️ Nathan: hey cassidy, i'm back in london this weekend. wanna meet up?

That one she will wait on. She had a fun time with Nathan on New Year's Eve. He was hot, charming in his own way, and made her laugh a lot that night. Granted, she was a bit drunk, trying to convince herself it was only because of the celebration and not to forget certain interactions on the other most recent holiday. But, either way, he was good company and did happen to be her kiss when the countdown ended that night. A good kiss.

She was grateful, that time, that she shared a hotel room with her friends. She told them she didn't want any drunken hookups that she could regret in the morning, clearly learning from the secret rendezvous she had with a certain someone.

So, even though emotions were high, alcohol was coursing through her veins, and hormones were raging, her friends made sure she went back to the room with them at the end of the party.

That's not to say that his question to hang out won't be answered, and it's not necessarily something she will decline, but this moment, with thoughts of Harry and a supermodel curled up on a yacht flooding her brain, it's not the time to respond.

•••

With her sweats and jumper on, an order of her favorite Chinese food delivered, and 'The Princess Bride' playing on the television, Cassidy begins to enjoy her relaxing night alone.

Her dad is out of town on a business trip, and her mum has taken a graveyard shift at the old folks home. These nights are rare for her, and she is going to take advantage of every moment of peace this situation can bring.

As she takes a bite of orange chicken, her phone begins to buzz. She pauses the movie and picks it up, seeing Gemma's name appear.

"Hey! Is the party over already?" She chuckles, mildly amused that the birthday dinner of her nemesis could have ended so quickly.

"No. It's not." She hears in a stern reply, but not from the voice of her best friend.

"Ummm… Harry?"

"Oh! You… you remember me? And… you remember it's my birthday party?"

"Yeah…" She replies, confusion filling every inch of her mind.

"So why didn't you come then?"

"I… umm… what?"

"Just thought you'd… thought you'd come."

Why would she go? Why in the world would she go? It's not as if she's been to every birthday celebration before tonight. It's not as if they are even that close, or even friends.

But the stutter of his words clues her in to the fact that while the party isn't over, it has definitely been in full swing. There's no doubt that he's had a few drinks. And as much as her instincts tell her to roll her eyes, or argue with him, she knows it's pointless to do any of that when he's drunk.

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"I just… thought you'd come." He repeats, the sadness in his tone sounding sincere enough to give her heart a little tug. Minimally. "Wanted you to come."

"I'm sorry, Harry." She repeats this time, feeling the tug a little stronger at his admission of wanting her there, even if it is an inebriated confession. "Get back to having fun, yeah?"

She picks up on a subtle sigh on the other end of the line, followed quickly by nearby shouting of his name.

"Harry, what the hell are you doing?" She hears in the background.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"Give me my phone back!"

Cassidy chuckles, understanding that Harry has been caught by Gemma, who apparently didn't realize that he had taken her phone for this conversation.

"What the-? CJ?" Gemma chuckles in surprise at who Harry was on the phone with. She's not the only one a little shocked by the random call. "That idiot. He had asked if you were coming. I didn't think he'd become a thief and call you. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's fine." Cassidy replies, unsure how to feel about his desire and attempt to see her, or at least talk to her. "I'm guessing it's going well?"

"For him, yeah." She responds, chuckling and exhaling a sigh in the same breath. "He's getting a little wild, so I'm babysitting now."

"Oh boy."

"He's tried to take his shirt off twice already!"

She doesn't say anything for a moment, regretting not going solely for the possibility of getting another glimpse of his bare upper body.

"Shit." Gemma states. "He's slumped over some random girl. I better go."

That's something she's glad she isn't seeing, and it's part of the reason she didn't go. Not that she'd be jealous, she has no reason to be jealous, but she doesn't need to be there watching him try to charm his way into someone else's pants. It's just annoying. No, the reason is she doesn't want to be that girl. Especially with Gemma there. That just wouldn't end well.

Not that she would be that girl. Not that he'd pick her. Not again.

"Alright. Talk later." She quickly replies, hanging up as she hears her friend yell out Harry's name once more.

She sets her phone down beside her, grabbing her food container again, and taking another bite. A giggle of disbelief comes out, followed by frustration, which is always the emotion she feels related to Harry.

What is his deal? They hook up, he goes back to his popstar life, they hook up again, have a very confusing Christmas, and he has a romantic rendezvous with his famous supermodel 'friend'. But then he calls her, seemingly upset that she didn't attend his little birthday dinner?

Does he think that since now they've had sex, she will forget all the torture he put her through during their childhood? Does he think that now she is just going to fawn over him like every other girl he meets? Does he think he has some kind of hold on her, that all she wants is him?

If he does, he needs to get over himself. Doubtful that'll happen, but she's not going to give that to him. And she's not going to let this consume her night.

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

After watching and listening to Harry perform 'Falling', Cassidy is ready for another upbeat song. That one brought up too many emotions, and she knows it's not even about her. That song is about someone he really and truly cared about. Plus, there wouldn't be one about her anyway.

A fun little riff on the guitar starts to play, and there's hope this one is a bit more bouncy.

"Don't blame me for falling, I was just a little boy."

Immature. Sounds right. She knows she's being mean, even though it's only internally, but she can't seem to help it. It's been a long time, sure, and there wasn't much between them, but it still gets to her. Everything about him just gets to her.

"And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch, who can't admit when he's sorry."

Funny, and true. She's definitely thought that for a long time, and is pretty sure she may have said it to him once.

[ flashback - Jan 2016 ]

Cassidy didn't even realize she fell asleep on the couch until her mum called, saying her shift is over and she'll bring home some breakfast.

A knock on the door surprises her a little, not expecting her mum to be back so soon.

"Need help, Mum?" She shouts towards the front door, as she makes her way closer.

"Umm… no, it's… it's Harry."

She stops in her tracks, even more surprised than she was when she thought her mum had come home in record time. She looks over her outfit, knowing there's no time to change, but quickly throws her hair up in a bun before opening the door.

"Hi." He simply states, a small but shy smile already on his face.

"Hi…" She responds, her tone soaked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

He looks around outside, potentially making sure no one was around to see, or capture through a camera, the interaction between them.

"Can we chat?"

"Sure." She opens the door to let him in, watching him walk through the doorway as she realizes she can't remember a time when he's been there. Gemma has been there a few times, but Cassidy usually refrains from having people over. So she's sure Harry's never been there. It's not the most comforting environment. Hell, she doesn't even like being there herself.

Although, this moment feels a little different. She isn't sure if it's due to the lack of presence of the drunken prick she calls her father, the relaxation she was able to have the night before, or Harry's sudden presence, but she feels more peaceful than she thought she would while having him step inside her home.

"So, what's up?" She mumbles, walking behind him into the living room.

He stops and swivels around, a subtle furrow displayed between his brows.

"I didn't mean to call you last night. That was stupid. I was drunk." He states with an unreadable tone to his words.

"Oh. Right, I figured." She gives him a smile, reassuring him that his actions were fine and attempting to break the awkward tension she is suddenly feeling. "No problem."

"But… umm… why didn't you come?"

"What? To your dinner?" She asks, taken aback by the fact that despite his unintentional call, he was still questioning her lack of attendance.

He simply nods.

"I didn't realize you wanted me there."

"I invited you." His arms cross over his chest, and the awkward tension builds. So much for there being peace in the home. But that's the true nature of that house. That's its default setting.

"I've never gone to one of your birthday parties. Wasn't a big deal before." She chuckles. "I didn't think this year was any different."

"F'course it's different!" He instantly retorted.

"Why, because we fucked twice?" The words spilled out, unintentionally harsh. Unintentionally spoken in the first place. She regrets it, but it's also a fair response, and she feels justified for the questions swirling through her head the night before, because he clearly does think she'll forget the past, that she'll fawn over him, that he has some sort of hold on her. But his wide-eyed reaction produces a bit of guilt to begin to creep in.

"Well, sort of-... not just-... no, because we're friends."

"Friends?" She begins to laugh. His statements are getting more ridiculous by the minute. "Harry, we've never been friends."

"Harsh."

"But true." She quickly adds. "I'm Gemma's friend. All we've done is… is pester each other. Our whole childhood."

"Again, harsh. I was just a boy. I figured you'd see me in a different light at this point…" He mutters, clearly his throat as he runs his fingers through his annoyingly perfect locks. "So, we hook up and nothing's changed for you? That's fucking rubbish."

"Are you bloody joking? Have things changed for you?"

"Yes."

"What then? What's changed for you?"

"I…" He brings his pointer finger and thumb to his bottom lip, beginning to mindlessly pull on it as his brow furrows again. There's anger apparent on his face. "I like talking to you. I like hanging out with you."

"Okay…"

"I like kissing you. Your lips." He states, and her breath hitches as he takes long strides towards her. His penetrating gaze, accompanied with his sultry scent, sends shivers down her spine and a blush to her cheeks. "Sort of miss them, if I'm honest..."

But the good feelings are then also accompanied by irritation. She cannot let him have a hold on her. She cannot keep reacting this way just because he is close. She cannot fall for his charm, or his wit, because it's just a game to him. It's just a trick to get her to cave to him. She cannot be yet another girl he can use when he needs to and forget when he doesn't. He's already done that to her.

"Is that why I haven't heard from you since Christmas?"

"I was away-"

"Right, on the yacht. And is that why you were kissing Kendall Jenner? Because you 'missed my lips'…?"

He goes silent and his body stiffens. She can just make out how his breathing becomes a degree more shallow than before, seeing his nostrils flare slightly with each exhale.

"That's not fair." He mumbles, and his gaze drops to the floor. "You went out with that Nathan guy…"

"I went to a party."

"You can't really blame me for thinking it was more. He wanted to see you again, after he was basically eye-fucking you at that after party."

"So what if he was?"

The entire conversation has escalated so quickly, that Cassidy is almost having a hard time catching her breath. Her mind is racing so fast that it can't even begin to process what's happening, what they're talking about, what he means behind everything he says, because at this point it has gone beyond confusing.

"I just didn't like it."

"Didn't like the competition?"

"He wasn't competition." He replies so smugly, even without his usual dimpled smirk.

"God you're cocky." She scoffs, his aggravating ego reappearing effortlessly as it always does. "I could've left with him, you know."

"But you didn't!" He raises his voice, his jaw clenching as his eyes burn into hers, causing her to take a step back. "You left with me! You had sex with me!"

"I was drunk." She mumbles back. It was the alcohol, she still blames the alcohol.

"You weren't drunk the second time, Cass. You can't tell me you didn't want it the second time."

"You arrogant son of a bitch! This is so fucking stupid. What are we even arguing about? Yeah, we had sex. That was all. It's not like we are gonna be more… like we want to be more…"

His entire body straightens up and he steps back. His jaw drops open but he immediately closes it. They stand there in silence, except for a few panted breaths from each of them.

"You're right." He clears his throat, dropping his gaze downward. "This is stupid."

More silence. Her body begins to ready itself for fight or flight mode again, she can feel it coming on, and her breathing becomes even more shallow. She tries to take a deep breath, desperately hoping she doesn't have a panic attack, in front of him, yet again.

His eyes shoot up to hers, and that unfamiliar concern he showed the last time appears again in his expression. That is the exact opposite of what she wants right now, so she draws in a breath that finally, and thankfully, starts to calm her down.

"Can we… can we at least hang out?" Harry asks, his tone even, most likely not wanting to trigger anything for her.

"Why do you even want to be friends?"

"Why don't you want to? What's your reason?"

Because it's complicated. Because she's confused. Because being friends won't help to clear those things up for her. Because she's afraid she can't keep composed around him anymore and that's dangerous, because he's her best friend's brother. Because he's Harry Styles.

"We've never been friends. We've never hung out. I just don't see the point in starting now."

"Stop being so stubborn, CJ!"

"Don't call me that."

"Stubborn? But you are!"

"No. Don't call me 'CJ' again. We aren't friends."

"Bloody hell, you're so fucking infuriating! Fine. We aren't friends. We aren't anything." He pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, and begins to make his way to the front door. "I'm almost starting to regret what we did. You should've just hooked up with that Nathan guy. Would've saved me… us… all this… trouble."

"I definitely regret it." She immediately replies, not entirely sure why she said it, because she's not entirely sure it's the truth. As complex as it has made things, she can't deny that it was good. That it was exciting. That it was potentially the best she's had. "I… I mean-"

"Don't. I know you mean it." His eyes narrow and the glare sends a sharp shiver down her spine. That look, more than any other, is not one she has seen from him. Not ever. Not directed at her. "You're stubborn and I'm exhausted. This is it, yeah? Won't have to see me again."

"Good. Get out." She states sternly.

He turns to the door and grabs the handle, letting out what sounds to be a disappointed sigh, and tilting his head down to the ground.

Cassidy opens her mouth to tell him to leave again, but is stopped as he swiftly turns around, grabbing her face and pressing his lips firmly against hers. There's no movement, just him against her, and she opens her eyes to see his squeezed shut. Her hands softly grip onto his Rolling Stones t-shirt, intending on separating them, and a subtle, sad whimper is drawn out from him. He pushes her back just as quickly as he had pulled her in, and takes less than a second to stare into her eyes before swinging the door open and slamming it shut.

She stands there, frozen in place, only able to pick out a single thought, or question, that's whirling around in her mind.

What just happened?

What the hell just happened?

She doesn't even have time to process anything, as the door slowly opens back up. Her chest tightens and her breath hitches, but she's met with the tired, yet cheerful face of her mum.

"Hello, darling!" She greets her daughter. "Was that Harry I saw driving away?"

Cassidy's throat becomes dry and she tries to swallow the lump that's wedged itself there.

"Y-yes. It was."

"He's such a sweet boy." Her mum replies, walking past and placing bags of food on the kitchen counter.

But Cassidy continues to stare at the front door.

"I always thought he was keen on you." Her mum adds, fully snapping Cassidy out of her bewildered trance. "And maybe you were keen on him, too."

"Absolutely not!" She replies. Anger begins to boil up inside, and truthfully she isn't even sure why. She still hasn't had time to dissect whatever it was that just occured between the two of them. But, at this moment, she also doesn't want to. She wants something to distract herself. She opens her phone to her messages.

🗨️ Cassidy: i'm free tonight…

She inhales quickly, not really sure what she's doing, and not wanting to acknowledge that she knows it isn't great, but not really wanting to pause and think about it. She holds her breath as her phone buzzes back.

🗨️ Nathan: pick u up at 7?

🗨️ Cassidy: perfect, it's a date

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

Cassidy is beginning to think she should have listened to the entire 'Fine Line' album, not solely so she could sing and dance more at this show, but also so she can know what to expect next. She only knows three of the songs well enough, and each one was released as a single.

Harry stands in front of the microphone again, squeezing his eyes shut as he begins to strum on his guitar.

She instantly knows it'll be an emotional song. As if this night and all the memories it's bringing back isn't enough, these types of songs seem to be getting to her tonight.

"Put a price on emotion, I'm looking for something to buy." He begins, almost causing her to growl as the lyrics seem to be the complete opposite of what she's feeling. It's saying he wants some, and right now she has too much. Ironic.

Already, the corners of her eyes become moist and she wipes it away before tears can fully form. But being there, seeing him, hearing the songs, is all overwhelming. The song itself is sentimental, but something about it is really digging into her soul.

"We'll be a fine line…"

Just like the song from earlier, she knows that this will mean so much to so many people, and in so many different ways. And it's true for her too. Not just for one specific reason, but for a few.

As that one-line chorus continues, she does what she can to not dwell on it each time it's sung.

"Spreading you open is the only way of knowing you…"

Wait a second. Obviously Cassidy hates arrogance more than anything, and she never wants to make something out of nothing, but those lyrics sound familiar. Like something she's heard before. No, like something that's been said between them before.

Coincidence, right? It's just a coincidence. Common phrases, common experiences. Admittedly, he's good at making every one of his songs feel personal to whomever is listening and that's what has happened here. That's all it is.

"We'll be a fine line…"

He looks up that time, but she knows it couldn't have been to her. He was just glancing up to see his fans, even though the section she is in is only for family and friends. But that's what it is, he's looking for those people. Family and friends. Like Gemma. Whose arm she feels begin to wrap around her own waist and sway them both along to the rhythm of his guitar.

That single line chorus continues as she manages to get her breathing to do as well. Continue. That is, until he pulls away, strumming his guitar for a few chords, and just as he brings his mouth back to the mic, he shoots a quick glance up to her. Unmistakably to her.

"We'll be alright…"

Nope. No she won't.

[ flashback - June 2017 ]

Despite it being Summer, overcast skies perfectly mirror the tone of the day. Not Robin's personality, because he was always such a bright presence to be around, but definitely the feeling of what his passing means to everyone else.

As harsh as it may sound, she assumed she'd be attending the funeral of the other father figure in her life, not that he was much of one though. Her own father was a much more likely candidate for a day like this. Though she actually isn't convinced she'd even attend his.

But today is not about anything except remembering Robin, and being there for Gemma and Anne.

And Harry, she supposes. Though, that will be from a distance if she can help it. It's been over a year since they've seen each other, and so much has happened during that time. She's moved on, not that there was much to move on from to begin with, and has been immersed in her busy life just as he has with his own. However, there's a lingering twinge of something, and she wants to be careful.

"Does anyone need anything?" She asks the family as they stand around in the backyard, occasionally mingling with those who were in attendance at the memorial.

"No thank you, sweetheart." Anne replies, giving a small smile as she squeezes Cassidy's hand. "Do you?"

Her question tightens Cassidy's chest. Not because she does need something, but because Anne never fails to make her feel looked after. And loved. And Robin was the same way.

She shakes her head, quickly wiping a few tears that threaten to fall, and clears her throat. "No, no. I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me… focus on your family."

"CJ…" Anne grabs her shoulders and looks at her with such a motherly love. "You are a part of our family. You always have been. And Robin loved you, sweetheart."

Cassidy pulls her lips inward, dropping her gaze to the floor as she picks at her nails.

"Maybe more than he loved Harry." She chuckles, and their eyes meet again as they both smile, almost in acknowledgement that the joke was potentially one that Robin would make himself. "Speaking of… have you seen him 'round?"

"No." She replies, feeling slightly guilty that she has been avoiding him, but guilty solely for the reason that his mother is asking about his whereabouts. "Do you… want me to look for him?"

She does everything in her power not to show the sudden tension in her body as she awaits an answer.

"No. I'm sure he's charming the hell out of some family member or something."

Or the pants off some girl.

Cassidy feels even more guilty for that thought. She needs to set herself straight.

"Well, I'm going 'round to get some water for myself. If I see him, I'll send him your way." She smiles, giving Anne another hug, which she reminds herself is the main task of the day.

The kitchen is empty, much to her relief, so she gets herself a glass of water and slowly sips on the contents. The quiet is nice, and welcome.

Footsteps get closer and she sighs at only having a short period of time to herself, but is grateful to see her best friend's face when she comes around the corner.

"Hey Gem." She mutters, almost to not disturb the only stress-free place in the house. Maybe not stress-free, but tranquil. No, not tranquil either, but sedated. That's it, sedated.

"Hey. Want something a little stronger?" She asks, pointing to the wine rack, making Cassidy giggle with a nod of her head.

"But only a little. I'm gonna have to leave within the hour to make it back before dinner."

"Right." Her best friend states, leaving a quietness around them.

"It…" Cassidy sighs, not wanting to cause Gemma or herself any heartache by bringing up memories. "Never mind."

Gemma looks up after pouring two glasses of wine, handing one over.

"You can tell me…"

"It feels weird to be in this house now." She replies, wincing at her confession.

"Well, yeah, the last time you were here was when you were-"

"I meant because Robin's… he's not here anymore." Tears begin to fill both of their eyes and Gemma wraps one arm around Cassidy's waist. Their temples lean against each other as they simply stare down at the kitchen counter, down to one of his favourite foods, only the sound of sniffles filling the room.

"I still can't believe they let me stay here for four months. Especially with my situation." She shakes her head, remembering the day she showed up to their house with bags in hand and her heart shattered.

"Your 'situation' was exactly why they let you live here, CJ!" Gemma squeezes her tighter then releases her, grabbing her glass and taking a gulp. "You're like my sister! They've always loved you. We all have."

All Cassidy can do is sigh, and attempt to hold back the flood of tears wanting to stream out, which isn't exactly working well for her.

"They were more than happy to do it." Gemma adds. She kisses her on the cheek and takes her wine glass, walking out to mingle with the other guests, leaving Cassidy alone in her thoughts.

Anne and Robin helped her more than they may ever have known. What Anne says rings in her ears. She is family. Even if Robin wasn't her actual father, he still was one to her. A better one than the one she has. And now she's lost someone from that family. She's lost him.

So much has changed since last year. Actually, everything has changed since last year. And even though she feels somewhat steadier in her life now, the Styles family, for the most part, has always been the stability in her life that she was missing from her own family. Truly, everything has changed since last year.

With the last sips of wine gone, she places her glass on the counter and decides she needs some air. Hopefully it'll clear her mind and take away the dizziness that's suddenly appeared, unrelated to the beverage she just consumed.

She begins to make her way through the house again, nodding politely at those who give her a few kind words. She feels a bit awkward accepting them, since Robin wasn't her actual dad. Yes, he was the closest thing to one that she had, considering her own couldn't care less about her, but her grief feels almost selfish. Yet, with each acknowledgement from a guest, another tear begins to form. She continues maneuvering around everyone, feeling her lungs beg to catch a full breath, as she makes it out to the backyard. Instantly, the noise and sheer presence of so many people has her head spinning, and she knows that she has to find some refuge. Fast.

Shuffling her way against the outside of the house, she walks around to the side, thankful to see that no one is lingering nearby. She takes as many steps as she can manage before pressing her back against the wall and sliding her body down.

Her knees position themselves against her chest, and her arms wrap around them in an attempt to hold herself together. She leans her head backwards and closes her eyes as she attempts to steady her breathing.

"Inhale for ten." She mumbles while she inhales as deeply as she can, which isn't much at this point. "Exhale for ten."

She growls with frustration at her failed attempt to calm herself, which only makes her breathing even faster and more shallow.

"Keep going." She hears close by, and looks over to see Harry kneeling down next to her. "Inhale for ten…"

She would potentially be annoyed that he was there, if she didn't need the help to calm down, and he helps her to regulate her breathing. She's a little surprised it's working considering who it is that's helping her.

"Breathe, Cass. You've got this." He encourages, and she responds with a nod. As odd as it is, he is making her feel a bit more at peace, or at least a bit more physically stable. She sees a subtle smile on his face as she exhales a steadier breath. "There you go."

Cassidy looks at him more directly, seeing that same concern in his eyes, it melting away with every normal breath she takes.

"Better?" He asks softly.

"Better."

"Good. It's a bit overwhelming here, yeah?" He chuckles, looking down at the ground with a shake of his head.

"Yeah." She mutters back, feeling stable, but less at peace, as she fully registers his presence beside her. But she can handle it. It's been long enough. "Thank you… for your help…"

"No problem." He mumbles, imitating her position against the wall.

They sit in silence, both looking out ahead of them, the only noise being the crowds around the corner who are actually engaging in conversation with each other.

She decides that she is steady enough to rejoin everyone, and rubs her legs before placing them on the ground with the intention of pushing herself up.

"How've you been?" Harry asks, stopping her movements as her eyes move over to meet his. That's when she gets a good look at him. A good look at how good he looks.

"Your hair is shorter." She blurts, closing her eyes and scrunching her nose at her inability to keep her thoughts to herself.

He chuckles and runs his fingers through the curls she was just admiring.

"Been like this for 'bout a year now." He responds, bringing his lips inward to hide a smile. Failing. "You didn't know?"

"No." She lies. She knew. It's hard not to hear or see stories and photos about one of the world's most popular megastars. But is she going to give him that satisfaction? No. There was only that one time, on Christmas, when she gave him a compliment like that, and that was too much.

"Hm."

Her gaze drops down as she circles a finger around the top of her knee.

"You didn't answer my question." He adds, causing her to quickly turn back to the man beside her. "How've you been?"

"It's not really the best time to ask, is it? I've been better."

"You know that's not what I mean, Cass."

She sighs. She knows. Although the emotions of today sort of cloud everything else at the moment. But, also, maybe she's using that as an excuse to not share any details of her life. Not only are there so many, but she isn't sure if it's his business to know. If he deserves to know.

"It's been good. Busy."

That should be enough to ease his curiosity.

"Work? Family?"

Apparently that wasn't enough. Nosey bastard.

"Both, yeah." She simply states, trying not to let the growing annoyance overcome her to the point of lashing out. Definitely not today, definitely not there.

"Still at POPSUGAR then?" He inquires, suddenly and subtle scooting a smidge closer towards her.

"Yeah."

"Wow. Riveting."

There it is. The frustration. He sure knows how to push her buttons and bring it out in her. Easily.

"Why is my life such a pressing matter to you?"

"What? We can't have casual conversation?" He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"I just don't want to talk about things right now."

His brow furrows, and his lips press firmly together as he takes a deep breath. He turns his body towards hers and his gaze pierces into the side of her head.

"You never want to talk about things, Cass. Apparently not even cordially now. The only time we've ever had a real, normal conversation is that morning after I stayed in your hotel ro-"

"Knock it off, Harry."

"Was having sex the only way I could get to know you?" He growls, in such a deep tone that if this conversation did not have an argumentative context, it would be a major turn on for her.

"I said knock it off!" She immediately stands up, unfortunately seeing Harry do the same. She crosses her arms over her chest and glares.

"All I've tried to do is be in your life... like, be your friend… but, fuck, it's so difficult that I…" He sighs, jostling his hair around and letting fall back into its perfect position, as it always seems to do. Then he looks up at her with a glare. "I almost wish we never met. That you never met Gemma."

As much as he has tormented and teased her, she never thought those words would come out of his mouth. She never thought he actually felt that way about her.

Anger boils over. She feels as if he has no right or reason to be that upset about anything that's happened between them. And if he does, then he didn't have to talk to her, he didn't have to help her, hell, he didn't have to have sex with her.

"I shouldn't have said-"

"But you did." She sighs, her eyes darting behind him, hoping to see a clear path to escape back to the house, which she finds. "Look, we are what we are. Childhood… acquaintances… or whatever. Having sex crossed the line, apparently a very fine line, and now it's made things weird. It was… a mistake… but now we just need to move past it."

"Childhood cquaintances?"

"Harry… come on-"

"No, you 'come on', Cassidy! I'm trying to keep my cool, but you're really testing my patience, because this is so stupid. I don't know why we can't be t-... friends, maybe I'll never know. But… but…" He growls as he stutters and she notices his jaw clenching along with his fist. He takes a deep breath and frowns. "I don't want to fight you on this anymore. I give up. I fold. We both have our own busy lives. So, we'll just go our separate ways and we'll be alright, yeah?"

"Our paths don't even cross anymore. So, yeah, we'll be alright." She responds, a little sarcasm and snark added in there to bite back at him.

She begins to walk around Harry, her heart tight and her head becoming dizzy yet again. But this time it's from emotions.

"I want us to be alright." She hears him whisper, realizing he must have thought she was out of earshot. Then she feels the panic threaten to reappear and quickens the pace of her feet. But as she rounds the corner, she slows down. Despite the words, the confusion, the frustration, she realizes there's also a caring quality she hasn't really thought about with him.

She wants them to be alright too. But they're not. And they are not going to be.

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

'Fine Line' becomes melodic, which signals that it's coming to an end, and Harry blows kisses to the crowd. He looks up to the section where she stands with Gemma and salutes the occupants, making sure to blow a few extra kisses to his sister.

"I need to get going." Cassidy states, her heart beating rapidly.

"Oh, this isn't actually the end. There's an encore." Gemma replies with a smile, leaning in closer in her ear. "He's got some surprises. He's singing 'Juice' by Lizzo."

"Damn it. I love that song. But I do have to go." She replies. "Tomorrow's the last day before the holiday break…"

"Right." Gemma nods and gives her a big hug. She pulls back and looks straight into Cassidy's eyes with a caring yet pleading look. "Are you coming over on Christmas this year?"

"Ummm…" Her eyes quickly flicker over to the stage, no one there to meet her gaze. She hasn't been over to the Styles' house for Christmas since that weird night a few years back. So much has changed since then. Too much to spend time there again, especially a holiday. "I don't know. Probably not, to be honest."

"Okay. I have presents, but I can bring them over another time if someone's okay with waiting…"

Cassidy lets out a little chuckle. Waiting will give her another chance to hang out with her best friend, and a way to avoid any unwanted run-ins with certain others.

"We can wait."

•••

She was expecting to feel a few things last night at Harry's show, she was expecting her boss to assign some sort of piece to write once she found out she had been there, and she was expecting to be quite tired in the morning.

But what Cassidy wasn't expecting was to hear a knock at the front door as she gathers everything to head out of it.

"Shit." She quietly mumbles under her breath, setting down the bags she just had on her shoulders.

She walks over and swings open the door, only to have the wind knocked out of her.

"Harry!" She breathes out. "Ummm… h-hi! What's… what's up?"

He smiles that obnoxious grin, and she realizes it still, after all these years, causes a little tingle in her stomach.

"Hello." He runs his hand through his soft, curly locks. She's able to get a better, closer look at them now. His hair is definitely longer than the previous time she saw him, over two years ago. He's dressed in a hoodie, under a coat, and some sweatpants. A typical and appropriate 'day after a show' outfit for Harry. "I didn't get a chance to say hello, or goodbye, last night."

"Yeah, sorry." She replies, still in shock that he is even standing there, let alone that he had wanted to see and interact with her the night before. "I had to leave early."

"Well, I just… wanted to say thank you for coming."

"Oh." She manages to respond, that inconvenient flustering instantly coming back to her. "You didn't have to come all this way to thank me though."

"Felt better to do it in person." He shrugs, his hands shoved in his pockets, like she's seen him do before, and his gaze occasionally dropping to his feet.

"That's… really nice, Harry. And it was a great show." She admits, giving him a simple smile and receiving one back from him.

A tugging on her coat interrupts the conversation, and Cassidy realizes that in her stunned state, she has forgotten what she was doing, and where she is going.

"M'ready!"

Both Cassidy and Harry's gazes drop down to the toddler standing right beside her.

"I'm sorry, honey. I was just talking to-"

"Hello!" Harry states, crouching down to the eye level of the little girl and putting his hand out to shake hers. "I'm Harry. What's your name?"

"Cece!" She exclaims, a wide grin beaming across her face, and placing her hand into his.

"It's nice to meet you, Cece."

"Y'know Mummy?" She asks, looking between the two adults. Harry looks up to Cassidy, with a mixture of surprise and amusement in his expression, and her chest tightens.

"I do! We are fr-... we've known each other for a very long time."

"Wow!" She replies. "Wanna see Matilda?"

"Who's Matilda?"

"Matilda!" She shouts enthusiastically, running through to the next room and leaving his question unanswered. He lets out a chuckle and stands back up to be face to face with Cassidy.

"Cecelia, we don't have-" She yells back into the house, realizing her attempt to catch her daughter's attention and stop her mission will only fail.

"You're a mum?" Harry asks softly, attracting her gaze again.

"Yeah." She quietly replies.

He crosses one arm around his chest and tugs on his lower lip.

"H-how old is she?"

"She's three." She answers, her heart racing, knowing what he's doing as he stays silent and his brow furrows. He's calculating. "She's… she's not yours."

"Oh." He clears his throat, folding his other arm around his torso and bringing his beautiful green eyes up to meet hers. "F'course."

"I would've told you… if she was."

"Hm." He hums back. "Right, well, I… umm… I will let you get back to things. I just… wanted to thank you for coming last night."

He gives her a small smile, putting his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, and turning around. He takes a few small steps and something inside Cassidy screams at her to stop him. Why? She has no idea. But she seems to have lost control of herself.

"Harry, wait."

What does she even want to say? She wasn't planning on calling out to him, and now she seems to have lost her logic as he turns around to face her.

"I… umm… it's good to see you." She blurts out.

"You too." He mumbles back.

"Mr. Harry!" Cecilia yells, jogging her little feet to the front door, and stopping there with a sad little pout. "I didn't find Matilda. You didn't meet 'er!"

"That's alright, love." He replies gently, taking a step back towards her, and giving her a big smile. "It was very nice to meet you though!"

"Maybe t'morrow." She responds.

"Oh, umm…"

"Mummy makes peeps on Sat'days!"

"Crepes, honey." Cassidy corrects her. She looks up from her daughter's beaming face to see Harry's wide and expectant expression. "We make crepes on Saturdays."

"Right. Your mummy loves crepes." He tells Cecelia.

"Me too! Me too!" Her daughter bounces up and down. "Mummy, please?"

"Oh. Umm…" Cassidy darts her eyes between her daughter and the man in front of them, unsure how to make the interaction and conversation any less awkward. Cecelia's eyes are so hopeful, and Harry seems to be expressing almost the same emotion. It's almost too much to bear with them unknowingly teaming up.

As her gaze lands and focuses on Harry, she realizes he is staring down at Cecelia with a wide grin, seemingly adoring, and it tugs on her heart so much that she can't hold herself back.

"If he isn't busy…"

His eyes shoot up to her with the most shocked look. The grin he displayed moments ago quickly reappears and he nods.

"I'd love to."

"Yay!" Cecelia squeals. She grabs her little backpack from where her mum had set it down, along with her favourite stuffed animal of the day, and grabs Cassidy's hand. "Okay, Mummy, le's go!"

"Alright, alright." She chuckles. "Grab your water bottle first, yeah?"

She nods, and runs off again, causing Cassidy to shake her head with another chuckle at her daughter's carefree demeanor.

"I don't have to come over. You can tell her I had to work or something." Harry states bluntly, no tension, yet also no confidence, in his tone.

Now it's her turn for a shocked look. She didn't expect any of this to be happening, but for some reason she also didn't expect him to give her an out.

"No, Harry. You're welcome to come."

He pulls his lips inward, like she's seen him do many times before, as he tries to cover up a smile.

"What time should I come by?"

Suddenly, her heart flutters. There it is again. She's charmed for a moment. Her instinct tells her to guard herself, to rescind the offer, and tell him it's best not to come. But she doesn't want to do that to him. No, she doesn't want to do that to her daughter. Her daughter. That's all.

"How about 8am?"

He nods quickly as little trodding of feet can be heard getting closer.

"Sounds great." He bends down. "I'll see you tomorrow morning Cece!"

•••

Cassidy does what she can to keep herself busy, but can't seem to shake the anxiety taking over her as she waits for Harry to arrive. The entire rest of the day before she was in a daze. She couldn't fully focus on her video meeting with the other writers, she barely got any of that work done, and she burned the spaghetti she was making for dinner. Though, Cecelia was more than happy to have chicken nuggets as an alternative.

But this morning it's all clear, and she can fully comprehend what is about to take place. Harry would be there soon. The man who frustrated and annoyed her beyond belief. The man who charmed her then made her out to be a fool. The man who was so persistent on making things way more awkward and complicated than they already were, that man would be there soon. Harry would be in her house. That sacred place she shares with her daughter. He would be there.

"Mummy! The door!" Cecelia yells, snapping her out of all those chaotic thoughts. She walks to the door and opens it up, finding Harry standing there with coffees in hand and a hot chocolate for Cecelia.

"Good morning." He holds up the goodies in his hands. "Hope this is alright…"

"It's… yeah… it's great. Thank you." She steps aside to let him in, her heartbeat thumping in her ears as he steps inside. She leads him to the kitchen where he sets down the drinks.

"She can have hot chocolate, right? I should've asked first, somehow."

"Harry!" Cecelia exclaims as she rushes to his side.

"Hello again." He chuckles, squatting down to her eye level. "How are you?"

"Wanna see Matilda?"

"Now, tell me, who is Matilda?" He asks.

"Our kitty!" She replies.

He looks up at Cassidy as he stands.

"I didn't think you liked cats…" He states, almost inquisitively.

"I liked your mum's cat. I got Matilda after I moved out…" She quickly clears her throat. "...of my parents' house."

He nods and gets pulled by Cecelia down the hallway, giving Cassidy a moment to release the deep breath she didn't know she was holding in.

She turns to her cookware and ingredients, beginning to make the weekend breakfast she is so accustomed to making for two of the three people currently inside her home.

Thankfully, her process is speedy and the crepes are ready within minutes, accompanied with an array of toppings placed along the counter.

"Umm… food is ready…" She states, hearing Harry and Cecelia make their way back to the kitchen.

"...an' I had a brown bunny, but I los' it." She hears her daughter sadly state, seeing her head down as she still holds onto Harry's hand with her little fingers.

"That's terrible." He replies, looking at her with as much compassion as he did when he saw Cassidy in her panicked state, long ago.

"Yeah." She replies, looking up at the counter and licking her lips. "Peeps!"

He chuckles at her sudden turnaround, and squeezes her hand before grabbing a plate.

"Here Cece, take this plate and sit on your chair, please." Cassidy says, motioning her daughter over to the small kitchen table, usually only hosting the two of them.

"I think I met all of her stuffed animals today." Harry states as he places a crepe on his own plate.

"She's…" Cassidy begins, not exactly knowing how to describe her daughter, especially to him.

"She's… adorable." Harry finishes for her, giving her a quick glance and a subtle smile before making his way to the table.

Cassidy takes a moment longer to grab her own food, taking peeks at the two at the table, who anyone would think have known each other for all three of Cecelia's years of life. She is talking his ear off and he is giving her as much attention, if not more, as he gives anyone else he is in conversation with. Admittedly, one of his good qualities, maybe his only one.

•••

Through all the surprisingly casual conversations, a few sessions of Cecelia persuading Harry to color with her, and a cup of tea, she doesn't realize how long Harry's been there until she sees Cecelia yawn and looks at the clock.

"Oh! Cece, it's naptime, honey." She states, hurriedly standing up from the sofa they had made their way to.

"Mummy, no… I don' need a nap…" Cecelia drags out, though the rubbing of her eyes betrays her statement.

"I think you do." Cassidy smiles.

"I wanna stay up!" She argues, looking sleepily towards Harry, as if trying to convince him to be on her side.

"Naps are great! Might need to take one myself when I get home." He smiles at her, pushing himself off the couch to encourage her to do the same. "But I had loads of fun today! Thank you for inviting me!"

"Y'welcome."

He kneels down to shake her hand, but she throws herself, with outstretched arms, into his chest and he instantly wraps his own around her.

She pulls away and reaches for her mum's hand, giving Harry a little wave.

"Buh-bye Harry." She mumbles.

"Goodbye Cece." He replies.

"I'll… umm… I'll just be a few minutes. Sorry." Cassidy states before walking down the hallway.

"No problem."

•••

After quite a few questions from Cecelia, typical toddler stuff, and an attempted negotiation to avoid naptime, she finally falls asleep and Cassidy is free to leave her bedroom.

She walks back to the sofa to see Harry typing on his phone.

"Sorry about that." She expresses, suddenly very aware that it is just the two of them in the room, the atmosphere a lot less giggly and a lot more awkward. At least on her part.

"You don't have to apologize for taking care of your daughter." He reassures her.

"Thank you… for entertaining her. She's definitely a little fireball, that one."

"Just like her mum." Harry quietly chuckles, a tiny smirk slyly appearing on one side of his mouth, with a dimple just barely popping through.

"What?" Cassidy's mouth drops open in faux offense and disbelief.

"Hm. Okay. I would think Cece would be the one who plays pretend…" His smirk deepens and Cassidy finds herself becoming heated with a blush in her cheeks.

A silence falls between them, standing several feet apart, both fidgeting with the fingernails.

"Well, I-" They both state, letting out short laughs at the simultaneous statement.

"I… have to get going. Jeff, my manager, just called me. Gotta get this meeting in before the holidays." Harry states, crossing his arms over his chest. To her, he almost looks as if he's holding himself back from leaving.

"Oh. Right! Of course you're busy." Of course he is, he's Harry Styles. The one she didn't want to complicate things with those few years ago. The one who can, and probably still does, have any girl, anywhere, anytime. The one who said he wished she and Gemma never met, so that he could avoid the uncomfortable situation they had found themselves in.

Why did she let him come over? How did he manage to charm his way into her home and completely change her attitude towards him from the night before?

"But thank you, so much, for… inviting me over. And the crepes. I had a nice time with you. You two. Like, you and Cece." He huffs, running his ringed fingers through his hair.

She allowed herself the slightest moment to acknowledge how cute he looks, how annoyingly cute and sexy he looks at the same time. Things work out too well in his favor and it's really unfair. She hates it. There's a few reasons she does.

"Thank you. For coming over. Cece had a great time." She replies, feeling a lump form in her throat.

"Oh." He sighs, suddenly and slowly moving his way to the front door. "I'm glad."

She follows Harry to the door, her mind racing and feeling her emotions being ripped in two different directions. Everything she has felt towards him so far, with the exception of those two sinfully delicious nights, has been of a negative connotation. All the way up and through the show last night. But this time spent together this morning, watching him be sweet with her daughter, has her feeling so unsure. Of anything. Well, she can be certain that she hates uncertainty. Maybe a little more than she hates Harry. Hated Harry?

"Harry." She finds herself blurting out, right as his hand grasps the door handle, and his head twists to look in her direction. "Ummm… would you… be willing to do, like, one more little interview before the holidays?"

"What?" He asks, his full body turning towards her now. This time, they aren't too far apart, and she can pick up the distinct scent of his cologne. It's still the same. Dark and sultry.

"I know it's a lot to ask…" She mumbles, suddenly feeling a flash of heat come over her, and sweat threatening to run down her neck as she feels the faintest touch of his breath graze her face. "But… my boss knows I went to your show, and wants me to write about it. Well, I just thought maybe-"

"You could get a couple of quotes in?" He finishes her sentence.

She winces, embarrassment flooding over her, not only because she just asked Harry for an interview, but also because she just asked him to help her with her job. Not that she needs the help. So why did she just ask? Nevertheless, it's awkward and rude and he will reject it.

"Sure." He agrees, shocking her to the point of forgetting how to move. She exhales with no sign of an inhale following. Her eyes grow wide and refuse to blink. Her jaw drops open and remains slack as she just stares.

"What?" He chuckles.

Finally some function returns to her and everything resets to normal. She blinks to clear the daze she was in and shakes her head.

"I didn't think you'd agree to it."

"Why not? There's not much I wouldn't do for-... a friend-... well, a childhood acquaintance, I s'pose."

"Right. Yeah. That would be great." She replies, the haziness of surprise still looming over her. "Here. Enter your number and we can coordinate something."

She hands him her phone and her heart stops when he doesn't immediately take it, but rather stares at it instead.

"Oh, shit." She exclaims, slightly dropping her arm down, device still in hand. "You probably don't want your personal phone number out there in the world, with some random journalist-"

"Give it." He states, reaching out to grab the phone from her, and adding his contact information. "You're not someone random, Cass. And you're not just some journalist."

He hands the phone back and meets her gaze. His own expression is one of stern sincerity, which utterly throws her off.

"I sent a text to myself so I have yours, just so I know you're not 'some random journalist'. Hope that's alright." He smirks, his usual, deeply indented, dimpled smirk.

"Yes." She nods. He returns the gesture and opens the door.

"I'll talk to you soon then." He smiles, lingering for a moment longer than necessary, and she swears his eyes flicker down to her lips in the swiftest of motions. "Bye, Cass."

"Bye, Harry." She replies. As he walks away, she closes the door and frowns in confusion. From herself.

Why did she ask to do that? She didn't need an interview with him. Granted, yes, it'll make her article that much more impressive but she would have done a good job on it either way. It's not as if it would be lacking. And why did she get so flustered? Better yet, why did she let him get her that way, again, even after all this time? It's like some magical hypnotizing power that he has. She never wanted to think, or admit, it was there and that it would work on her but it has. And clearly still does.

She needs boundaries. She can't be that girl, definitely not now, definitely not since she has Cece. She needs boundaries. It's all professional. She can get the quotes, write the article, then he will fly off to his next big adventure and her life can go back to normal.

No hookups. No feelings. No complications.

Her phone vibrates in her hand and she opens up her messages when she sees the notification.

🗨️ Harry: good xx

She frowns in confusion at his text, not understanding what he might be responding to until she reads the message he sent to himself from her phone: 'I had a nice time too'

🗨️ Cassidy: you twerp

She rolls her eyes and smiles to herself, immediately letting her thumbs take over.

🗨️ Cassidy: fine… i did. i had a nice time too

If you like what I post, and want to just send some extra support, I have a ko-fi account. Even the smallest amount is greatly appreciated. There is no obligation or expectation to donate, because I am honestly just so grateful that you're here! 💗 Bee xx

Series Masterlist

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•••

Overall Taglist: @watermelonsugacry @tw1nflamebruis3 @hopefulwastelandcreation @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @queenmadi2 @runway-to-my-aid @theekyliepage @be-yourss @harryistheonlyoneforme @b-reads-things @behindmygreyeyes @michellekstyles @a-strange-familiar @yousunshineyoutempter @buckybarnessimpp @little-freak-satellite @msolbesg @sleutherclaw @katiebaxterrrrrr @percysaidnever @thatbitch2828 @mrspeacem1nusone @thurhomish @sushiabby @harrystylesrecs @vickiii17 @itsbebeyyy @divalovesyou @bxbyysstuff @jessitpwk @sunshinemoonsposts @theroosterswife24 @boybands-baseball @austynparksandpizza @missmielyhoran @harryspirate @qualitygiantshoepsychic @tiaamberxx @matildasatellite @fool4him @cherryshouse @yatebe-kohayu @perfectzinenerdperson @babyiamperfectforyou @daphnesutton @around1302 @daydreamingofmatilda @swiftmendeshoran

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles series #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles concept #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles x oc #best friends brother #enemies to friends #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #harry styles enemies to lovers #harry styles friends to lovers #harry styles tour #live on tour #harry styles love on tour #hslot #harry styles hs1 #harry styles fine line #harrys house #harry fic #harry angst #harry fluff #harry smut #harry edward styles #laceleaf series

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 801: The Rolling Stones Exile on Main St.

I hesitate to say things like "favorite album of all time," but if I lost my whole record collection in a fire, the first album I would replace would be Exile on Main St.

What is a favorite album anyway? One where you love every song from start to finish? That's not what this is. Not every song is a hit. Hell, even the singles off the album weren't hits. Exile is a strange, murky, uneven double album recorded in Keith Richards' basement in the south of France while the band were tax exiles from their native England. Mick Jagger is buried low in the mix. The performances are loose even by the Stones' standards. Initial reviews from critics weren't exactly positive. And yet there's something about it that keeps luring you back.

I first bought a used CD of Exile in the early '00s at the insistence of a few folks in the Against Me! camp. Aside from a handful of songs, I really wasn't much of a Stones fan. But I was okay with the $5 I'd spent after one spin of "Rocks Off." It's the archetypal Stones song---it's got the classic open-G Richards riff to kick it off. But where similar intros like "Brown Sugar" or "Start Me Up" just unfolded into songs that, at the time, felt lukewarm and uninspired to me, "Rocks Off" actually ROCKED. The song just keeps climbing up and up, ascending to greater heights. And when the second chorus comes in with the horns? Holy fuck... yes. And what's this song even about? Sexual frustration? "I only get my rocks off when I'm sleeping." Wait... is this song about wet dreams? Why have I been barraged by "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" all my life when this is clearly the most kick-ass Stones tune by a WIDE margin?

But wait... then the band launches into "Rip This Joint" and now I have to reconsider that maybe THIS is the most kick-ass Stones song ever. It's like Little Richards if he took too much trucker speed. And that scream Jagger let's out during the last verse: "Little Rock fit to drop... AAHHHHH!! JUST LET IT ROCK."

Fuckin' A. Shoot that shit into my veins.

But then... "Hip Shake." An old blues cover that just kinda simmers but never reaches a full boil. They had all this momentum, and they just completely dropped the ball. For at least the first couple of years I listened to Exile I would play the first two songs and then hit stop on track 3. Truth be told, at least part of the reason for that was that my cheap used CD started skipping at track 4.

Fast forward to 2004 and my first iPod. Now I could listen to all of Exile without the glitches. But "Hip Shake" was still a buzzkill and "Casino Boogie" doesn't exactly reignite the party with its reserved shuffle. Side 1 closes with one of the two singles off of Exile: "Tumbling Dice." And to be fair, it's a pretty good song. It's got a little bit of that gospel flair that I've always sorta hated in rock bands, but as with so many rock tropes, classic-era Rolling Stones actually did it well, and all the imitators are what ruined it.

Over the next few years I listened to Exile on my iPod a fair amount, usually when I wanted something with positive energy playing in the background but didn't want to have to actually pay much attention to it. I didn't care much for any particular songs later in the album, but it was better than listening to classic rock radio at a low volume. So yeah, not exactly "favorite album" material.

My appreciation for the album really changed when I got a well-loved used 2xLP copy at Singles Going Steady in Seattle. Now Exile was broken up into four distinct chapters. Those first five songs were like their own little universe. Two rockers, a tension builder, a strutting shuffle, and a triumphant closer. Flip it over to Side 2 and you have a whole other trip.

And holy shit, how did I not appreciate Side 2 earlier? This is where the magic really blossoms. You've got the scandalous gospel-country tune "Sweet Virginia" with it's multiple drug references and the chorus of "got to scrape that shit right off your shoes." And then you have "Torn & Frayed," a Gram Parsons-inspired country rock tune. It might not rip like those first two songs on Exile, but as far as the melodic side of Stones goes, this is easily one of their best tunes ever. And that slide guitar solo? Fuckin' hell. How was this not a single? How is it not a classic rock staple?

From there we go into "Sweet Black Angel," a political country / world music mash-up in defense of the civil rights activist Angela Davis. And then we have "Loving Cup." Ya know, when you're a kid first hearing music from the '70s, you latch onto the John Bonhams and Bill Wards and Keith Moons---the drummers that just bash like madmen. Charlie Watts seems so boring in comparison. But listen closer and you realize that Charlie keeps the show going. He's not a show pony, but he holds the ramshackle band together with a simple, graceful groove. Wanna know why Charlie rules? Just listen to "Loving Cup." And hell, the drums aren't even the best part of the song.

If Exile ended there, I don't think it would've endured years / decades of derision. But there's still a whole other LP of music and it starts slipping into some strange territories. I could easily go track by track and explain what I love about each song, but I think the thing that's kept me coming back to Exile over and over again is the mystery, and maybe it's best to leave that mystery alone for the uninitiated. Like, why was the second single for the album one where Jagger doesn't even sing ("Happy")? What's even going on in "Just Wanna See His Face"? Why wouldn't they follow the ripping two opening tracks with the equally hair-raising "All Down The Line"? Why would they end the album on "Soul Survivor" after the apex of "Shine A Light"? Give it a listen and try to solve the puzzle yourself. It's worth the journey.

By now we all know that Exile was a record made at the peak of the Stones' debauchery and resulting consequences. And maybe on some level it sounds like a band barely holding it together. But it also sounds like a band where the creative peak overlapped with their most desperate times. It's a record that sounds like a party with its moments of elation, chaos, druggy haze, and inevitable comedown. It's a record with its faults, but the faults become part of its charm.

Nowadays, it's rare that I go more than a week at a time without listening to Exile. I have so many great memories listening to this record. It's picked me up when I'm down; it's made the mundane seem magical; it's made a sunny afternoon feel even sunnier. And somehow it still feels fresh and exciting and ecstatic and reflective every time I listen to it.

A perfect record? Absolutely not. But one of the best records ever made? Absolutely.

#the rolling stones #everyrecordiown

[wonik1ss]

what’s inside your bag? — ba.h

pairing : idol bahiyyih x 10th member kep1er reader

song rec : in my bag (with tobi lou) - warren hue, tobi lou

It was a few minutes after one of your I do! do you? stages when one of your managers; brought you into a private white room to film a vid with two of your other members.

You smiled as Yeseo and Bahiyyih came in. You moved to the last chair on the right letting Yeseo sit in the middle and Bahiyyih on the far left.

“ Ok 1.. 2.. 3.. GO! “. One of the camera men said as you and your member said your intro.

“ Catch your eye, catch your mind, hi we are Kep1er !! “. Everyone in the studio clapped as the three of you finished saying you intro.

“ Today we are going to be doing a what’s inside your bag again!! “. Bahiyyih said as everyone clapped again; as your bags were brought in by staff and set on the table.

“ I think we should start with Yeseo’s since she’s the youngest “. You said as the younger girl frowned and said.

“ Your only saying that because your bag is probably messy, but ok “. Bahiyyih laughed and you playfully hit her; as Yeseo started to unpack her bag.

-

“ Ok and that’s it “. It had been 20 minutes after you initially forced Yeseo to unpack her bag first.

“ Yeseo I didn’t know you had that much stuff in your bag “. You said as you laughed and the other too joined in too.

“ You wouldn’t know if you unpacked your bag first “. She said staring straight as you; but seeing this as a chance to open her bag Bahiyyih started speaking saying.

“ I’ll got first Yeseo back of Y/n ! “. Yeseo slightly rolled her eyes and then smiled while saying.

“ What is it because she’s your girlfriend “. Bahiyyih started to blush and you did too as Yeseo continued with the teasing.

“ Sorry that was supposed to be secret “. The younger girl covering her mouth to save herself and her members and controversy.

But in all in all on and of camera you and Bahiyyih did act like a couple. For example during the last bag unboxing Bahiyyih always helped you anytime your zipper got stuck. She also always insisted you be on a team with her and also said you were her favorite member..

As Bahiyyih finished her unbagging she looked over to and said.

“ Y/n are you ok? “. Slightly worried she got up and went to your seat.

“ See they are dating ! You know what I’ll just take Bahyiyyih’s seat since Y/n needs her more “. Yeseo said to try to drag the attention of your realizing that.. Bahyiyyih had a crush on you.

-

You all had done your intro again and left the studio. But instead of going straight to your groups cars, you told Yeseo to go on and talked to Bahiyyih.

“ You like me “. You said as Bahiyyih’s eyes bugged open and her face flushed red.

“ No- No I don’t !! “. She said turning around ready to go before you spoke again.

“ I like you though “. You yelled at her. It was true too, you always initiated skin ship on camera with her, always tried to kiss her, and never did anything with out her too. Bahiyyih turned around and said.

“ Really? “.

“ Yes Really “. You said as you grabbed her hands as you dragged her to your groups cars.

“ Guess management was right when they said doing the what’s in your bag again something big would happen “. Bahiyyih said as you both got into the groups van giggling.

All of your members were confused. Expect for Yeseo who had started and new what was going on. Since she was the one who came up with doing the “what’s in your bag” again. What a smart maknae.

#kpop smau #kpop rp #kpopidol #kpoop #kpop fanfic #kpop #kpop gg #kpop girls #kpop idol x reader #kpop imagines #kpop messy #bahiyyih #kep1er #keplian

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

THATS WHAT I WANT

Written By: KBeaZy, Blake Slatkin, Omer Fedi, Ryan Tedder & Lil Nas X

Artist: Lil Nas X

Released: 2021

On “THATS WHAT I WANT,” Lil Nas sings about his desire for love, which is often a struggle to find as a gay black man. “THATS WHAT I WANT” debuted at #5 on the Rolling Stone’s Top 100 Songs Chart during the week ending September 23rd, 2021. During the week ending October 2, the song debuted at #10 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. During the week ending February 26, 2022, the song peaked at #9. On July 26, 2022, “THATS WHAT I WANT” was certified 2× platinum by the RIAA.

[Intro] One, two, three, four [Verse 1] Need a boy who can cuddle with me all night Keep me warm, love me long, be my sunlight Tell me lies, we can argue, we can fight Yeah, we did it before, but we'll do it tonight An afro, black boy with the gold teeth With dark skin, lookin' at me like he know me I wonder if he got the G or the B Let me find out and see, comin' over to me, yeah [Pre-Chorus] These days, I'm way too lonely I'm missing out, I know These days, I'm way too alone And I'm known for givin' love away, but [Chorus] I want someone to love mе I need someone who needs me 'Causе it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love That's what I fuckin' want [Verse 2] Look, you know it's harder to find in these times But I got nothin' but love on my mind (My mind) I need a baby with love in my prime Need an adversary to my "down and marry" Like, tell me "That's life" when I'm stressin' at night Be like, "You'll be okay" and, "Everything is alright," uh Let me in that thing, 'cause I'm not wanting anything But your loving, your body, and a little bit of your brain [Pre-Chorus] These days, I'm way too lonely I'm missing out, I know These days, I'm way too alone And I'm known for givin' love away, but [Chorus] I want someone to love me I need someone who needs me 'Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love That's what I fuckin' want [Bridge] I want someone to love me I need someone who needs me [Chorus] 'Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love That's what I fuckin' want

Dancing in the Dark

Written By: Bruce Springsteen

Artist: Bruce Springsteen

Released: 1984

The first single off of Springsteen’s seminal album Born In The U.S.A., this track was written two years after most of the other songs on the album. Producer Jon Landau thought the new album lacked a guaranteed hit and pushed Springsteen to draft one more song. The two men got into a brief altercation, after which Bruce wrote “Dancing in the Dark” about his ‘difficulty writing a hit single and his frustration trying to write songs that will please people’. Its music video contains an early appearance by actress Courtney Cox. It also helped introduce Springsteen to a younger audience, setting the stage for a seven-single run of top 10 hits from the album. “Dancing In The Dark” became Springsteen’s highest charting single the Boss has ever had, spending four weeks in the #2 position of the Billboard Hot 100 in the summer of 1984, held from the top spot by Duran Duran “The Reflex” and Prince “When Doves Cry”. It also spent six weeks at #1 on the Mainstream Rock chart. This single is also Springsteen’s only to be certified platinum.

[Verse 1] I get up in the evening And I ain't got nothing to say I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way I ain't nothing but tired Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself Hey there, baby I could use just a little help [Chorus] You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark [Verse 2] Messages keep getting clearer Radio's on, and I'm moving 'round my place I check my look in the mirror I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face Man, I ain't getting nowhere I'm just living in a dump like this There's something happening somewhere Baby, I just know that there is [Chorus] You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark [Bridge] You sit around getting older There's a joke here somewhere, and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders Come on, baby, the laugh's on me [Verse 3] Stay on the streets of this town And they'll be carving you up all right They say, "You gotta stay hungry" Hey, baby, I'm just about starving tonight I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting around here trying to write this book I need a love reaction Come on now, baby, give me just one look [Chorus] You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark You can't start a fire Worrying about your little world falling apart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark [Outro] Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Hey, baby [Outro Saxophone Solo]

#lil nas x #thats what i want #bruce springsteen #dancing in the dark #polls #poll tournament #poll bracket #tournament #bracket #lovesongbracket #round2 #Youtube

[luvwestwood]

❝ DON'T WORRY 'BOUT IT DARLING! ❞ - Toji Fushiguro

— (18+) YOUR CAR BREAKS DOWN DURING A SOLO TRIP, AND A KIND MR. FUSHIGURO OFFERS TO HELP.

₊˚༊*· warnings. nsfw (18+), slow burn, rough sex, hair pulling, p in v, rough sex, slight age gap (r is 22, t is 37), pet names, raw sex, backshots, pulling out/cumming on face/mouth, pussy eating, fingering, light faceslapping, toji lives in a cabin..

₊˚༊*· notes. I missed writing sm... also, this was one of those stories where i just got carried away writing.. also if your car breaks down in the middle of no where, please don't follow a random man back to his cabin. toji is not real.

7,035 words (25m read)

header art used - credits to @/yunonoai on twt!

A holiday. The perfect thing you needed to ease your mind— work had been fucking you up lately, so you specifically had requested a few days off.

Realising you never spend time with yourself, and yourself only, had brought you to the idea of going on a solo trip. Although with budget cut short, you could only opt for a solo-road-trip; still well away from the city, and everyone.

So far, you thought it was perfect. Just you and your trusty volks beetle, cruising off for a few days to be surrounded by the county’s evergreen trees, and going down a spiral of constantly smelling wet bark here and there.

Crashing at the nearest motel just a few miles south, and digging into a typical, pancake breakfast at the closest diner the next morning. Quite basic, but you thought that it was unironically the calmest idea for a 'holiday' yet.

Pressing on the playback button, the car radio immediately sounded out the currently inserted tape that was halfway played through, your eyes rolling at the song choice.

“..I wake up in the morning I got murder on my min-“

The sound of the tape bypassing the opening filled with the car, along with silence and the engine running. “Oh for fucks sake, Yuji definitely put that in there.”

Balancing between keeping your eyes on the road, and your surroundings, you toss the DVD away to the passengers side; rummaging around the glove compartment for another disk.

But you found the peace as of now quite calming, resulting in you rolling your windows down by the slightest— taking in the natural noise of the environment.

Your cheeks turned cold to the touch as the breeze wafted throughout your entire car, your back pressing against the fabric seats, eyes only closing for a millisecond to take everything in.

Dressed in a tank top and shorts, my, it seemed like you were ready for.. who knows what. Hopefully no one takes you, accidentally, for a side-street hooker.

Bit silent, you suppose— seeing that there was no other car on this specific road too. It was eerie, but enjoyable at the same time. I mean, the road was in the middle of the woods so I doubt people would be passing in and out of here often.

Hand reaching back into the glove compartment, you grab a hold of a random disk, analyzing it as soon as you withdrew your hand back into your lap.

..The Cranberries, not too bad. Something to lighten up the mood a bit. Biting down on your bottom lip, you divert your attention away from the road for a millisecond— pushing the disk into the radio player with a swift movement.

The familiar intro of Linger began to play. Your two hands clutched onto the wheel tighter, letting out a squeal as a result of hearing one of your favorite songs.

What seemed like forever, you wondered if the road was going to look different anytime soon. It felt as if you haven't seen some sort of sign telling you there would be a bed and breakfast ten minutes up, but you simply brushed it off.

"..And I'm in so deeep, you know I'm such a fool for youuu.." Taking advantage of the empty roads, you notched the volume a bit higher, belting out your shower-learnt vocals with all your heart.

Concerning LEDs flashing on your dashboard suddenly caught your eye, your singing stopping right in the middle of the chorus.

Frantically looking down at the light, and at the road in front of you, the sensible decision to pull over came across your mind— your car quickly swerving to the side of the road, Linger still, playing as everything started to go downhill.

"W-what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Your hands fall onto your lap, brows furrowed at one warning appearing after the other, a whimper slipping past your lips as worry grew.

Looking out the rear window, then to the front, you've realised you're all alone. No help nearby, not for another while. Groaning, you darted your eyes back to your dashboard, seeing about three more warnings show up.

"Fuck- not now, oh come on!" ...Can't even get peace on my day off, can I?

Pulling on the latch underneath, you popped the hood open. Killing the ignition, you grab your zip-up from the backseat, throwing it on before stepping out of the car; sizzling, and smoke coming from under the hood.

"I swear.. if this is a trap for a murder film, just take me already. My survival instincts are through the roof.."

Sighing, you lift the hood up, a big cloud of grey smoke slapping you in the face, like you could suffocate any moment now.

"The hell?!" Coughing, you fanned your face, taking a few, cautious steps back from the vehicle. As soon as the smoke had went away, you leaned back in; analysing each part of your engine.

A scoff escapes your mouth, silently laughing at yourself. "Literally what the fuck am I meant to be looking at." Knuckles resting atop your hips, you stood up straight, chipping away at your fingernails with your teeth.

"..Okay, maybe I'll try and start it... and if all goes wrong- call the insurance company."

Blowing out a relieving breath, you sit back into the driver's seat, twisting the key, trying to get your car to start.

Nothing but the sweet sound of failure. Two more tries, and still the same outcome.

"..Insurance company.. right."

Unable to locate your phone, you let out a confused noise- looking sideways and upside down your car for it. "..Where could it.. be..?"

Though.. something seemed, off. Your head slowly rose up from below the passengers seat, peeping just above the car door.

A man, walking- closer, and closer.. It seems. Your heart began to thump against your chest- begging to jump out. Breathing labored, your eyes widen, body freezing at the most inconvenient of times. Wait, is he holding an axe?

"M-my.. my phone?!" With haste in your movements, you rummage through everything like a mad man, making a total mess of your car- the same mysterious guy getting closer and closer, tauntingly walking out from the deep woods.

Sitting back against your seat, your mouth gapes open; eyes glued straight ahead. This is it, I manifested it. Now why on earth did I say that?! It's over for me, I'm cooked.

You let out a mewl, attempting to sob, solely squeezing your eyes shut. Too scared to look one last time to your side, you took a few deep breaths, chanting mini prayers to save the last bit of you.

A tap on the window came from your side, your one eye opening itself. Hesitant, you slowly turn your head; seeing a muscular torso at the window tapping the glass with the handle of his axe, before the man leans down to show his face.

Dressed in jeans and a flannel, with jagged, raven colored hair— and a face to perfectly compliment his jacked up body. I see. But now's not the time to play a dating game.

"..Ma'am?" His voice deep, and rusty, your face grew more concerned, mouth still gawking like a freak in fear.

"..God, p-please don't kill me.." A quiet peep comes from you, the man resting a hand on your roof, still bent down, and chuckling.

"Lady, I could see your car smokin' all the way from my cabin. I couldn't help but see what's the matter. You want me to check it out for you, or not?" His voice happened to be quite faint from behind the glass, though you could make out what he seemed to be saying.

"..Oh... I don't mind, I just have no clue what to do, I.." Words coming out in a blabber, you stumbled over what you wanted to say, confusion written all over the mans face.

"Slow down, will ya? Can't even comprehend half the words you're saying."

Shaking your head, you brushed it off. "You know what.. forget it.. just.. check what's happening under that hood, please?"

He nods, disappearing from your window to walk around to the front of the car. Deciding to step out too, you came to the conclusion that he seemed like an okay man to trust with your car. But you just had to make sure he wasn't gonna fit some sort of tracker underneath your engine..

Crossing your arms, you walked closer to the man, who seemed to know what he was doing. Observing from a few steps away, you watched him twist and turn at a few things, no fear in getting his hands dirty. He seemed bigger at this angle, a bit bigger than you, so if he were to murder you right now... it's over.

"..Do you always carry around that axe?" Referring to the same tool that was now on the ground, you noticed his lips curl into a smile, taking note of the fading scar on the side of his mouth also.

Letting out an amused chuckle, his eyes remained focused on the problem in front of him, but his voice was able to answer something else at the same time. "Living in the middle of the woods, I think you'd do the same."

You nod, accepting the answer with no further questions. Although a few more silly ones came out of you..

"Have you ever been chased by a bear.. while living out here?" Swaying back and forth on your tippy toes, your arms stay crossed, teeth chewing at your bottom lip as you anticipated a genuine answer.

He stops, torso still bent down but head looking up at you, facial expressions unimpressed. "Do pretty girls like you always ask all these stupid questions..?"

Blinking, you freeze, at the blunt compliment and sharp stab of his words. "..I was just curious. Also, I don't even know your name. You know, if you try to kidnap me, and I happen to escape, and-"

"Toji." Short and direct, he answers that question. "Now that you've told me your game plan, I could've easily lied about my name.

Your throat running dry, you clear it out with a grunt, Toji standing back up with an unhopeful look on his face. "..Yeah, your car is busted." He picks his axe back up, turning his body to you.

"..What? But- there's no reception here and.. I have no where to go..." Great. You've told him that you're helpless, and a young, vulnerable girl who's all alone on a solo trip.

"Wait- so you're telling me you're all alone, in the middle of these woods. Lady, do you not know that there's literally nothing here but dirt and trees?" His face scrunched up in disbelief, he genuinely wondered what a girl like you would be doing here.

"..I just wanted a holiday... on my own and.. I thought.. I could crash at some motel like in the movies and.. and.. pancakes.. oh the pancakes.." A sob chokes out of you, warm tears beginning to stain your cheeks at the thought of your vacation going downhill.

Toji, on the other hand looks more confused at this rate, his voice stammering, unsure of how to console you. A random girl, crying in front of him.. Great.

"Uh, don't cry- I didn't mean to.." Scratching at his nape, he waits until you stop crying your guts out, and successfully, you do. "Look, how about I'll fix your car for you, but first we get you a place to stay."

Sniffling, you look up at him, an ounce of hope springing back into you. "..R-really?"

Relieved, Toji was able to relax by the slightest after finally getting you to stop sobbing in front of him. Comforting wasn't his forte. "Yeah, don't worry 'bout it darling. But my cabin is the only thing I could offer right now. I told you, there's nothing in this place. No.. 'motel'..."

Looking back at your busted car, then returning to Toji, he shrugs his shoulders; mouthing, 'the choice is yours.' He wasn't pressuring you at all, but it was true that there was no other option. Outside the city wasn't all that, and you learnt the hard way.

"...Fine, just don't.. don't murder me.. I don't wanna die." Toying with the zip of your hoodie, you divert your gaze away from Toji, deciding to look at the ground instead.

He grunts, grabbing his head in frustration. "Would you quit with that murder bull-crap?! How many times do I have to say it. Should be me who's scared of a Michael Myers venturing 'round these woods." Toji shakes his head in disapproval. "Just grab your things and get movin' will you? Sun's about to set soon."

Unamused yourself, you shoot him a glare, walking over to the backseat door to grab your backpack full of everything. Slamming the door shut, you sensibly grab your keys, properly locking everything before Toji shuts the hood, resting his axe on his shoulder.

The man gestures you to follow him, hopefully not towards your death. Trailing behind his large figure, Toji occasionally glanced over his shoulder to make sure you were still there and didn't happen to run off; more than certain that you were shitting your pants right now.

Readjusting the heavy backpack on your shoulder, you struggled, mentally complaining, but too afraid to ask if you were there yet. Guess you'll take the blame for this one. Should've packed light I suppose..

"We're here, incase you were wondering." Toji stops in his tracks, turning his body back around to face you before making his way to the onto the porch.

Surprisingly, it was nice and big, and seemed homely. "Not gonna lie, I thought you lived in a run down shack in the middle of no where. With like, bugs and stuff?"

"Who do you take me for?" He scoffs, "Come in when you're ready. Also mind your step." Toji points out the mini stairs just below the porch, before disappearing off inside. He really made sure that you didn't feel pressured to do anything whatsoever. So he let you enter at your own will.

Taking note of your surroundings outside one last time, you let out a deep breath before stepping inside.

Warm air engulfed you, heat coming from a well built fire place. It actually was nice inside, and everything everywhere made sense. The architecture of the cabin really had Toji written all over it.

Nothing was run down. It felt like a home, just with a rustic style to it. The sofa actually had a throw draped over it, a flat screen tv mounted just above the fireplace. There was also a nice view of a body of water outside some large windows.

Toji paced around the sofas just after resting his axe safely in a corner, stretching his arms out; toned muscles flexing from the warm, yellowish light in the cabin.

"Make yourself at home, you take my room tonight. I'll crash on the sofa." He makes his way to the other side of the cabin, supposedly the entrance to his bedroom. Toji leaning against the door frame, he watched as you stood still in one spot, still observing your surroundings.

"Also has its own bathroom, so no need to worry about me walking in on you. There's locks too from the inside. And I don't care about you going through anything. I've got nothing to hide." Toji continues, he sure knows the questions you're about to ask. This man is always thinking ahead.

"..Thanks, Toji. That's really nice of you." Walking closer to the entrance of his room, you slide the backpack off your shoulder, holding onto the heavy load with two hands at this point. The backpack swings between your legs as you walk past him, Toji grunting before leaving you be.

He fucks off somewhere into the kitchen, meanwhile you lock the doors behind you immediately. You already smelled of bark and leaves, and not to mention, the stinky smoke from your car earlier.

Tossing your backpack onto an armchair nearby, eye glancing over a few frames with Toji in them. Some of him alone, with a fish in his hand, the other.. Possibly some old friends.

Curious, you looked around the dresser for some more things that could tell you a bit more about himself.

In the corner was a birthday card, which didn't evidently tell you his age, but you found out as soon as you opened it up to see what was written.

"Happy Birthday big guy, can't beleeve your old ass is 37! - Your pal, Gojo🖕"

Who the hell is Gojo? And, that's not old.. right? You scoffed more so at the fact that the word 'believe' was spelt wrong other than the badly drawn middle finger. Just a little habit of yours you can't control. Considering you were 22, Toji was kind of old enough to be your guardian, somehow.. but let's not get into that.

Attempting to place the card exactly where it had belonged, you were happy enough with your first try; still curious to find any hidden gems, but you were unsuccessful.

Letting out a hum, you took another look around your surroundings, nodding gently in approval at the view that he also had just outside of his bedroom. Seems like he knew how to build this place the way he wanted to.

Halfway pacing around his room, you realised that he probably thinks you've been silent for too long. Deciding to step into his bathroom, notice a shaver and some cream on the sink. Allowing the shower to run, you hoped the noise would calm his nerves to let him know you're still here, and alive.

Oh, being a curious cat you open his mirror cabinet just to take a tiny peek before your shower. Says he's got nothing to hide, so..

After-shave, lotion, pain-killers and a box.. An unopened box of extra large condoms.

You gulp before blinking rapidly, closing the mirror cabinet without a second to waste. You weren't sure if you should be mortified or impressed and relieved that they were unopened. Wait, as if it matters?

Locking the bathroom door just to be cautious, you quickly did so before stripping your clothes completely to the ground, kicking off your converse and socks before hopping into the warm shower.

The droplets trickled down your body, feeling more calm now that you've had a shower. Allowing the water to run over your hair, you scrubbed your scalp with your fingertips, completely soaking your body. You looked over to the shower caddy hanging on the wall before grabbing a familiar brand of shampoo.

Massaging that into your hair, you hurried on with your shower, making sure that you didn't hog all the hot water. You assumed that he had to start up a big ass generator minutes away just to get a drop of it, forgetting the fact that it was '24, and there was some such thing as a boiler.

The shower ended up being just fine, and Toji didn't bother you at all. He didn't force the door open, don't worry; and everything was just the way it was left in the room.

You didn't have anything else left to wear than the matching tank and shorts set you bought at TJ-Maxx solely for this solo trip. You didn't have to worry about your feet being cold, as the hardwood floors were surprisingly heated.

Quickly drying your hair with one of his towels, you figured that he didn't have a hairdryer, so you had no choice but to leave it to air dry.

Finally unlocking the bedroom door, you opened it to see Toji busy behind the kitchen island. Assuming he was cooking, you made your way closer, sitting on a bar stool nearby.

Toji had a tea towel draped over his shoulder, and the smell of cooked meat entered your nostrils.

"If you're a vegan, it's your unlucky day." He says, clearly knowing you were seated behind him.

You laugh, resting your elbows on the counter, watching him like a hawk . "I eat everything, don't worry."

"Good." He says before turning back towards you with a plate of steak, potatoes and asparagus. Unlike earlier, this time a pleasant cloud of steam hit you in the face, the smell making your tummy grumble.

Toji has a plate of his own, leaning against the counter behind him as he watches your every move, waiting for you to take a bite. He pokes at a potato, tossing it into his mouth before saying something.

"Wake up early tomorrow, I'll teach you what to do in case something like this happens again. I don't expect you to follow a man again back to his cabin in the middle of no where.." Prodding at a few more pieces of steak, he notices you were busy digging into your own plate.

You just let out a hum of approval, Toji slowly sliding a glass of water towards you before you could choke anytime soon.

Setting your cutlery down, you look up at Toji standing, busy eating his own dinner. Here comes the wave of questions.. "Hmm, do you ever get lonely out here?"

Unphased by the question, Toji continues eating, but answers your curiosity. "Nah, I like being alone. I'm used to it anyways. Friends do come visit, but not always." He shrugs, unable to make eye contact with you.

"..I see.." Nodding, your mind jumps back to the unopened box of condoms back in Toji's bathroom, your inner voice mentally cursing at yourself for being too curious.

Letting famish get the best of you, you devoured everything on the plate in record breaking time, politely pairing the cutlery together on the dish. "Uhm, Toji? I can clean up. It's the least I could do."

The man just finishing his own plate, he sets it on the counter beside him, looking at you, impressed. "Seriously? 'right then."

Hopping off the stool, you make your way past him, feeling Toji's gaze burn into the back of your head, before you reached around him for his plate, and your own on the island. Bringing the two to the sink, you began to wash them with the sponge, occasionally looking out the kitchen window.

It had gone dark quickly. Who knows if Toji never had come across you.

"You got a boyfriend or what?" A first time question from the man, and it was one you didn't expect. He remained leaning against the counter, watching your every move from behind you.

Suppressing a panicked turn of your head, you kept your vision down at the dishes, gliding your hand over the dishes and under the water, you gulped before answering.

"No, not anymore. I broke up with him cause I found out he was cheating on me with some girl on the majorette team in college." Your insides burned at the memory of you walking in on them at a party bathroom, but you didn't let it get to you, not now.

Toji didn't let out a hum of approval, and instead stayed quiet. All he did was place your empty glass beside the sink that you seemed to have forgotten all about. Taking that too, you scrubbed it with the sponge before rinsing it off and placing it on the drying rack.

"All done," you dried your hands on the fabric of your shorts behind you, turning back around to Toji who was in the same position, but this time, his hands held onto the counter's edge on either side of him.

Peering at the drying rack around you, he pouted in approval, "Done a fairly good job I suppose,"

You scoff, "It was just washing dishes. Nothing hard."

"I'll be right back. No tomfoolery, and don't open that door." Toji glances to the front door, before disappearing off into his bedroom, the door closing. You thought nothing of it, walking over to the L-shaped sofa to see what was on TV. Some stupid deer documentary was on, typical, but you changed it to something more entertaining like a soap.

You assumed that he had no Netflix on it, and you were right. You can't really imagine Toji watching an episode of The Office.

Propping the side of your head onto your knuckles, your eyes bored at the screen, barely paying attention to what was on the TV. Glancing over to the clock on the wall, you read the time to be almost 9 o'clock, which shocked you.

Letting out your fifth sigh of the day, you flickered back and forth through the channels before hearing a door open behind you, Toji stepping out of his room, and this time, dressed in grey sweats and a t-shirt. His hair was slightly damp, as you noticed him sitting just after your feet, ensuring a distance between you two.

"What's this crap you're watching?" Toji rests his elbows on his knees before relaxing back onto the sofa, legs spreading as he made himself comfortable.

Tossing the remote over to his side, you roll your eyes. "Knew you would say that."

The man attempted to focus on the shit show in front of him, brows furrowing, but eventually he seemed interested.

Sitting up, you cross your legs, groaning. "There's nothing good on TV. I'm going to bed."

Toji looked to his side, watching as you stood up and left, and he had to admit— he did get a look at your behind. But no one could beat that out of him. "Alright, suit yourself. Sweet dreams. Remember, up early tomorrow."

You glanced behind your shoulder before stepping into his room, not shutting the door fully but leaving a slight gap between the frame and the door itself.

After scavenging through the side pocket of your backpack, you returned back into Toji's bathroom with your toothbrush this time. Stealing a pea of his own toothpaste, you stared at yourself in his mirror as you brushed away.

You could still hear his TV coming from outside, and it sounded like the channel didn't change. He was probably fixated on the show by now. After spitting out, you rinsed off your toothbrush, before heading back out to place it back into your backpack.

Before hopping into bed, you neatly folded your things away, ensuring you cleaned up after yourself as you hated leaving a mess behind, especially if you weren't in a space of your own.

Letting out a sigh, you crawled into his bed, surprisingly filled with two fluffy pillows, and not just one flat ass cushion. Toji's bed strongly smelled like aftershave, supposedly the one in his bathroom mirror. It was comforting though, and wasn't an unpleasant scent.

Covering your upper half with the duvet, you laid flat on your back, eyes staring up at the ceiling before your lids slowly grew heavy and soon enough, closing shut.

You managed to sleep halfway through the night, until, it had began to thunder, and rain heavily. The drops pattered against the glass window, waking you from your slumber inconveniently.

Sitting up in bed, you look around, noticing everything was still the same. The door remained slightly open, and you could see that the TV has still been on until now, but sounded different.

Looking out the window, you couldn't see much from the heavy rain blinding the environment. It was lashing outside, and unfortunately, you were unable to fall back into sleep.

Pursing your lips together, you climbed out of bed, making your way to the door before opening it by a bit.

You treaded lightly, seeing Toji's head behind the sofa. Unable to tell if he was asleep or not, noticing that the TV was on, you approached him closer. Your head peeked over the sofa slightly, voice calling out his name.

"..Toji? ....Toji." You let out a loud whisper, the man grunting and turning his head around. It seems that he was fast asleep, but... sitting up. How scary.

"I can't sleep.. the weather, it's really awful outside." Nipping at the fabric of your shorts, you sucked in a labored breath of air through your nostrils before initiating a question. "..Can you- sleep beside me?"

Toji seemed less asleep, and now, he was wide awake. He looked over to the clock before reaching for the remote to switch off the TV. It was halfway through one in the morning. "What are you, nine?" He laughs before getting up from the sofa, trailing behind the sofa to follow you back into the room.

He questioned no more, and agreed. He'd do anything to be back in his room anyways, in the comfort of his bed, but of course knowing Toji— he'd never admit that.

The two of you hurried back into the bedroom, Toji automatically walking over to his side, while you, crawl back into bed. Making yourself comfortable again, you drape the cover over yourself, feeling the weight of the bed shift beside you, Toji making himself comfortable also.

You turn to your side, back facing Toji, unable to have him stare at your face all night. The room grew silent, and only the sound of the rain tapping against the window could be heard. Though you could still feel his gaze burning into your back, which happened to go away soon enough.

"No stupid stuff." He suddenly blurts out, which you were unable to decipher. Was he talking about what you thought he meant?

You decided not to respond, and instead, shifted around. You could feel Toji's natural body warmth all over your back, and with one more shift, you realised that he was close to you, actually, way too close to you.

But it was too late to move back, as you were too scared of irritating him by shuffling around so much that he'd kick you out.

A large hand snakes onto the side of your waist, gently gripping at your stomach. "Quit movin' around so much, will you?" It was Toji's hand, and he firmly kept you in place. Preventing any further movement. The continuous friction of your shorts against him had aroused him of some sort, and it was uncontrollable.

Another hard bump rested on the behind of your shorts, your eyes flying wide open, unable to shut now. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't know.. I'll stop."

"Sure, you didn't know what you were doing?" You couldn't see the expression on his face, and could only judge by the tone of his voice. Too bad you were facing away from him right now.

Giving in, your body aggressively shifts to face him, the natural moonlight peering through the windows leaving a bright enough glow on his face.

You gulp, Toji hesitantly using his finger to move away the fly-aways covering your face to get a better look at you. "..Don't know why that jerk cheated on you."

"..You don't know me, so.." You let out, Toji's brows furrowing as he studied your features harder.

Alternating between your eyes and lips, he let out a mixture of a grunt and a laugh. "Should go for a real man."

Your breath hitches at his remark, your mind trailing off to other translations of his sentence. He talking about the fucking, or dating aspect?

Silence grew between you, his thumb carefully swiping over your soft bottom lip. The air grew thicker and thicker, a sort of tension lingering throughout the room. You couldn't tell what initiated it, but the air felt suffocating, like it had its own hold of you.

Leaning in closer to his face, your warm breath fanned against his lips before he cupped your cheek with his hand, holding you close as your mouths latched onto each other. The tension between you two diminishing as your tongues intertwined.

Toji laid flat on his back as you straddled him under the sheets, the kiss turning sloppier, with a blend of spit coating your chins, the two of you moaning into each other.

You whimper, pulling away as you felt his teeth tug onto your bottom lip, a long, string of saliva creating a bridge between the two of you, both panting, chests heaving heavily.

Swiftly stripping your tank above your head, the sudden air had bit your skin, nipples growing hard to the touch, all perky and erect. Unable to see in the midst of the fabric covering your sights, you could feel both of Toji's large hands cupping your breasts, massaging them— thumbs toying teasingly at your nipples.

Palms pressing onto the flat of your back, Toji guides your hips with no rush in his movements, back and forth, groaning at the grinding sensation over his sweats, head heavily leaning against the pillow. Your top slides down onto the bedroom floor, breath irregular as you felt the thick tent in his pants dig into you.

You both swap positions, Toji flipping the two of you around with ease and no struggle in his demeanor, the man anchoring himself between your thighs.

Toji's lips latch onto your breasts, warm mouth wrapped around one, sucking away hungrily as he fondled with the other. A pop leaves his mouth as he lets go, using a finger to flicker your nipple gently, your warm, spit-covered nipples growing hard once again as soon as it meets the cold air.

You watch as Toji goes down on you, breath shaking as he peppered kisses down your stomach, disappearing underneath the sheets; leaving a few pecks dangerously close, and somewhere on your inner thigh.

Feeling his pointer and middle finger tug at the waistband of your shorts, you could tell that he was waiting; and so you raised your hips up slightly, allowing him to drag them down your legs.

His hands clasp around your two thighs, bringing you closer to his face, though you just couldn't see; Toji's tongue leaving behind a wet stripe against your clothed pussy, your body shuddering at the feeling.

Your mouth could only gape open, your eyes peering up at the same ceiling as you let out breathless moans here and there.

Toji's middle finger tugged your panties to the side, allowing your bare pussy to be on show to him completely, finally landing yet another stripe with his warm tongue. He eagerly sucks, sticking his same middle finger in, fucking your hole gently as he alternates between licking and fingering.

Letting out quiet moans, you fondle with your breasts, legs squirming as he inserted another digit, Toji using both hands to rip your underwear completely as he sucked on your clit

Your hand reaches for the pillow behind you, fingers clawing at the fabric.

Toji raised his own hips, practically on his knees to be able to palm at his own cock as played with you for your own pleasure, getting off to your moans as he continued to have you undone with his touch.

You could hear him grunt lowly, from time to time, but grunting in disapproval whenever you'd stamp your thighs on either side of his head, trapping him between your legs.

Your head leaning back, you gasped, eyes rolling as Toji curled his fingers up into you, eventually allowing his movements to come to a complete halt, your throat mewling in dissatisfaction.

"Not so fast, wanna feel you cum 'round something else," Toji appears in front of you, arising from under the sheets; stripping his own shirt off his body before tossing it somewhere across the room.

His body shifted around, and you assumed it was to get the condoms, where you already knew was located. Though you quickly took a hold of the strings on his waistband, pulling him back.

"No- I wanna feel you raw, Toji," Looking up at him as you said so, still laid on your back; the man could've sworn that his cock twitched at what you had just said.

Surprisingly, he nods, moving about to get his pants fully off him, struggling a bit, but managing in the end.

Toji uses a hand to jerk his thick length repeatedly, the other free playing with the flesh on your waist. "You sure about this?"

"I am." You replied, busy wondering how he was gonna fit inside of you. The condoms weren't lying.

Slightly and slowly pushing his tip into you, followed by the rest, the two of you groaned at the feeling, Toji grabbing onto both sides of your waist eventually; grip growing tighter as he stuffed you full. Your fingers clawed at his wrists, a moan escaping your mouth as you felt his girth stretching you out, Toji using his thumbs to caress your sides gently.

"All good?" He made sure, and you nod, letting him know that he could move, and you were perfectly fine.

Toji's hips began to rock back and forth, occasional groans coming from him, mentally thanking you for the fact that you let him do it raw.

"..F-faster," you let out, Toji now placing both of his hands on either side of your head, his hips bucking into you faster and deeper; the bed slightly creaking from his movements.

He continues to groan endlessly, head jerking back as he felt your gummy walls take him completely, cursing over and over again. Toji smashes his lips onto yours again, you moaning as a result, the man taking your head into his hands as he held you close; forehead leaning on yours as his cock bullied your insides relentlessly.

Pulling away, Toji grabs both of your legs, resting your ankle on each of his shoulders— allowing him to fuck into you deeper, and be impossibly closer, the man fucking you into a nasty mating press as the creaking intensifies; the headboard beginning to hit against the walls, the legs of the bed scratching all over the floorboards.

"S-shit, To-oji," Voice breaking up your words, you dig your fingertips deep into the muscle on his shoulder, Toji moaning closely against the shell of your ear.

He growls, resting his forehead on yours once again, maintaining eye contact with you, so intimately; "That's it doll, moan my name, come on," he coos, watching as your eyes squeeze shut; the man reaching his hand up to gently slap it against your cheek— telling you to keep your eyes on him.

You do so, and endlessly chant his name like a prayer; Toji grinning and leaving a peck on your lips before letting your legs go, allowing them to flop on either sides of his waist, effortlessly flipping you back around.

Pulling out rapidly, the flat of his palm presses against your spine. Hands kneading at your ass cheeks as he spreads them apart, leaving a long wet lick from your pussy past your asshole, he slides his cock back into your dripping hole— maintaining his previous pace as he holds onto the headboard, drilling into you with no mercy.

Beads of sweat glistened his body like that pane of glass, strands of his recently washed hair now sticking to his forehead.

"Atta girl," he moans, slapping your ass and leaving a red hand-print. "Fuck, take this cock," Your ass rippling against his pelvis, Toji grabs a handful of the soft of your cheeks, fucking you back onto his cock; a symphony of ass slapping, and balls hitting against your clit sounding throughout the room.

Your forehead falls heavy onto the pillow, voice muffled as you moaned helplessly into it; Toji fucking you in all the right spots, he meant it when he said you should find yourself a real man. He was showing you, what a real man was.

"C'mon baby, I wanna feel you cum all over me, p-please?" Toji pleads, his thrusts slowing in pace, but still rutting in deep as he fucks you passionately, guiding you by your waist back and forth on his cock to get those last few strokes.

Toji leans forward, pressing a tender kiss on your shoulder blade, feeling down your back as he left a few more, shivers going down your spine as he roamed his hands all over you,

A creamy ring forms at his shaft, thickening over time as he continued to fuck in and out of you; playfully pulling his thick cock out to heavily rest it against your ass, gliding it between your cheeks before sliding it back in. His tip red, and glossy, your eyes rolled as he slipped himself inside.

Toji picks up the pace once more, urging you to your orgasm; your fingers clawing behind you, trying to stop him from moving any more, your two legs shaking as they attempted to stay up, and support you in your arch.

He grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling you back towards him; fucking your mind as he finishes you off from behind. "I'm gonna c-cum, oh fuck," you squeal, eventually making a mess all over his cock, squirting— Toji still fucking into you as your orgasm had washed over your body.

A dark puddle forms on the bedsheets underneath you, and your slick soaks on the flat of his thighs, a squelching noise emitting from underneath as you lazily rubbed circles on your clit; eyes rolling from the several sensations hitting you all at once— Toji’s cock continuing to piston into you.

Toji grunts, feeling you clench and unclench round his cock; a firm slap stinging against your left cheek as he instantly pulls out. "Turn around," he commands, breathing heavily and you obey; a firm grip still in your hair— the man guiding his cock with his index and thumb towards your lips.

Slapping his heavy girth against your mouth, warm ropes of white decorate your face; Toji grunting as he watches your face be painted with white, smearing his artwork all over your face, pushing his tip gently into your mouth as you sucked, sticking your tongue out for visual confirmation of the white orb of cum resting on it.

"Fuck.." he whispers, "Swallow it baby," Toji smacks his tip against your cheek, soon enough letting go of your scalp as he jerked his cock with a last few strokes.

Upon letting go, he immediately cupped your face into his palms once again, rewarding you with a tender kiss on the lips, sneaking a quick fondle at your breast.

Toji glances out the window, returning his gaze back to you glowing under the moon's light. The loud storm had stopped long ago. "..Don't you think those backshots were louder than that thunder clapping out there?"

⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⤳ © luvwestwood ‘24. all works are owned by me, and originally come from my own head. please do not re-post on a third party platform without my permission!

⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⤳ as always, thank you for the love on each and every one of my posts! it means the world to me. ily all soo soo much!

[luvwestwood masterlist]

#jujutsu kaisen smut #toji x reader smut #toji fushiguro smut #toji smut #toji fushiguro x reader #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji x reader #toji x you #jujutsu toji #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #jjk toji #toji x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen fluff

[woozi]

hiii yza… this ask’s a bit of a long one but! thought u might appreciate some svt rambling from yours truly, car crash anon. I was rewatching a bunch of dance practices lately (been on a real svt kick trying to find all the moments of them singing live during dance practices bc I enjoy that. I did find them only I didn’t take any notes which will be tragic for me like a year later I bet) and noticed that like. there’s this part in HOT (the like… post-chorus? whatever comes right after the hot hot hot bit) where both hoshi and dino take center for a brief period, and what they do differs. and the Way it differs is like, the move hoshi does really focuses on his lower body while dino’s focuses like. on the upper body. arms and shoulders. it's a great time for me no matter what bc like hey. my biases. but this did remind me of the kind of unhinged ask I sent u where I mentioned that hoshi like. almost imperceptibly bends his knees a little more in the fear chorus. It did get me thinking tho like. I feel like that’s a really distinctive characteristic of how he dances—the way he uses his lower body, I mean—and I always enjoy taking note of it? it just adds a little extra… pizzazz, yknow? so I thought I’d pick a few moments of like. things I think r really indicative of hoshi’s style. to share. (apologies I did not also include dino stuff in this ask bc I think it would be… way too long. to appease my own self I want to say that somehow it was only today I noticed that during vernon’s bit in _world hoshi and dino r having fun in the back lol)

clears throat. firstly in insomnia zero II #1 mingyu makes fun of how hoshi stands and I’ve never stopped thinking about it bc its so true. I genuinely love it. not really music in that one but I have to mention it

off the top of my head, hot & god of music both have hoshi feature in a lil solo dance that draws attention to his legs (god of music to a lesser extent but I did replay the beginning of the little instrumental solo for the god of music dance practice so many times bc hoshi’s legs like shift sooo quickly in his bit)… cheers has his iconic line and that bit definitely has moves centered on his lower body.

okay now moving past the parts that could conceivably be normal to mention lol. in the inside seventeen for the bss circle chart awards around 4:55 hoshi’s fun little improved adlib absolutely counts as smthing that I see and just go “oh that’s so distinctively hoshi” for me. like. the way his hand is on his hip and the exaggerated degree to which he’s leaning. to that regard… if u look up a fancam of crazy in love from the ode to you tour around 2:30 there’s this lil dance break bit they’ve added and like. the Angle at which hoshi puts his hands on his hips is like. he’s bending back and his legs are planted fairly forward and it makes a really striking pose to me. let’s see… there’s also his choreo for bad which is like. that drop where he just like… slowly squats into a kneeling pose is like. yeah. that makes sense. and then there’s a move where he like. bends? rolls? idk he sits a little differently and it’s like. that same thing. OH. ok I think I can describe it. there’s this way that hoshi will like. lean back and SINK into a pose that I really like. like there’s this drop and it feels really… stable? which happens in both fear and crazy in love and in bad. and it happens right at the beginning of touch. love that performance. touch also has his basically doing the limbo in one of the choruses.

(also I didn’t know how to put this in the ask naturally but. I don’t think I’ve seen this opinion before even though I feel like it should be common. So. I just need to mention that crazy in love is simply THE hoshi song for me. like. on the vocals end it’s a GREAT showcase of the different places his voice goes: first lower in the intro, and a really good demonstration of the distinctive way he shapes his vowels, and then after the chorus, it’s higher and lighter, and then he starts off the final chorus and his voice has a different vibe then, too! i really struggled with picking out hoshi’s voice when I first got into seventeen because like… it sounded like different voices at different pitches to me I guess? anyways I wrote a guide to myself about it (out of curiosity I opened up that guide again and. Why is it almost 5000 words.) and I’ve never had trouble since. and then it’s like. he’s always great at dancing and he’s got a lil fun dance break in the ode to you concert. awesome. also I like the song.)

CAR CRASH ANON HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

the way u keep rewatching footage is SAUR saur interesting to me that's very blair waldorf love it 😋 ALSO HIGHLY AGREE WITH THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, i noticed that too!! also love how perf u's in the middle of that sequence 😋 also SOOO true!! i feel like hoshi's energy brings a more rugged and raw feel to his dances which i think is just SOO fitting for him tbh. and u wON W THAT PLS FDJFDJKFDJK

AND NOT CONCEIVABLY NORMAL 😭😭😭 LOVE HOW U EVEN MENTIONED TOUCH TBH?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? one of my favorite hoshis <33

and u would be right 😋 hoshi IS a very versatile performer and i think he just has Something (a certain je ne sais quoi 😭 LMFAO) that really draws u in about him <33 obsessed w how much love this ask exudes for the dude u r SOO horangdan <3333

and thank u for sharing these w me <3333333 love that, and i missed it sm!! hope ure having a great one 😋

#car crash anon #anon #y.ask #long post

[le-souriant]

#MusicMonday Review - March 2023

#MusicMonday is the hashtag I've been using for quite a while to share music recommendations from up-and-coming artists. Always fresh, and always different, trying to look for trends before they become one. You can check February's review for more music.

This month's music takes us to a different realm, populated by dreams. Either with sounds, themes, or mysterious lyrics, go ahead, and let it take you away, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

Zap Euphoria – Nottingham Tune

Don't try breaking me down I'm not here for messing around

I keep trying but end up dying No more rock and roll, yeah

Like almost all dreams, in this Tunbridge Wells, England based Indie Rock song, lyrics are cryptic, and enigmatic. Just remember that people don't put you down, they only get you used:

"The track came about believe it or not In Nottingham. We were playing guitar over another song, then Erik (bassist) played the intro riff. We paused the music and wrote the song around that.

We wanted to write a tune that a whole field of people could jump around to. The lyrics aren’t about much, but we think that is funny."

Elemantra – No Shadow

The keys are in the car But no one Is in the driver’s seat

I wanna be there when the wheels turn I wanna feel it when we burn

From Buffalo, NY, we get a Dream Pop track that shows us how black and white are the colors of everything in this world:

"As far as the theme of the song and it’s overall message goes, it was mostly inspired by a fairly traumatic event that happened in my family during the summer of 2020.

My older brother was diagnosed with a very serious heart condition, out of the blue. He’s not much older than me, and it was just so shocking and scary for us all. I always viewed him as such a strong and worry-free person. Never thought something like that could happen. So to see him like that and to have something like that happen to him, it got me thinking like, damn bad shit can happen to anyone and for no good reason at all. It’s all just black and white, either something happens or it doesn’t. This all occurred too during the height of the Covid-19 paranoia and fear. So, there was already this spooky and uncertain atmosphere in our lives, which definitely further amplified these feelings. But, on the bright side, this all forced me to find peace in the acceptance of being powerless to the will of the universe.

If you’re aware that you can’t change what is going to happen, you’re free to just go about your life. And this train of thought brought about other concerns, like is this a healthy and sustainable way to go about life? I felt like maybe it was too simplistic. But ultimately, it let me accept and feel comfortable enough to move on. There’s no safety net, there’s no god, but there’s also no invisible malevolent force in the universe out to get you. You can just be you. Things might go your way, things might not."

Night School – Little Human Thoughts

You said we’re okay And i know we’ll end up with a house Someday

But it’s the idea that it’s not what you want That makes me so nervous I sob

Moving to the West Coast, in Oakland, CA, we continue with more Dream Pop about those thoughts that make you nervous, because you know the truth hurts:

"It came from a personal experience in a relationship. It’s essentially about fearing that the other person in a relationship is not as committed as you’d like."

The Tullamarines – Said Enough

I’ll put on a brave face I’ll put on a big smile

I feel like I'm feeling too much when the lights are down And I'd say it is nothing But it feels like it's something

Coming up next, from Adelaide, Australia, an Indie track about the nightmarish internal struggle that happens when you have trouble communicating. Are you hearing me?

"The song is basically about being the quietest person in the room and not knowing what to really do or say."

The Straights – Dead Set Detective

Baby you and I, We’re like the stars. Not so much apart, But yet so far.

Blinded by the light, But in the dark.. I’m in too deep.

From someone who can't express himself, we end our journey in Portsmouth, England for another dysfunctional example of loneliness, and attraction:

"(Band member) George wanted to write a song that was essentially an anti-love song, so thought it would be interesting to write the lyrics from the perspective of an incel.

Rather than just creating a horror-esque narrative, he wanted to touch upon the psychology of obsessive behaviour among stalkers, almost as though the songs narrator was totally unaware of their behaviour, with an honest perspective.

He had heard about how a-lot of these individuals find themselves in the position where they effectively worship the person of interest, and see themselves as protectors or guardians of some form."

Listen to them and much more on the Playlist

@osornios

#music #MusicMonday #review #march #2023

[applicationtrust]

Slash anastasia

Slash anastasia professional#

The whole album was recorded with analog equipment only.( February 2021) ( Learn how and when to remove this template message) Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. He criticises the album for containing "absolutely no surprises" but adds that it "never tries too hard, so it winds up satisfying on its own limited scale." Īnother 3/5 rating came from Johan Wippsson, writing for, who wrote that the album "is far better" than Slash's debut, praising the decision to have Kennedy perform on all tracks, though admitting that he "had expected better songs". He observes that performing with Kennedy "clearly is easier on Slash's soul" compared to the vocalists in Slash's previous bands, and that the music on the album "reflects this ease". Stephen Thomas Erlewine gave a more mixed opinion of the album in his review for AllMusic, awarding it 3 out of 5 stars. He concludes that the album is "a collection of lean, high-octane rock-and-roll tunes". Geist compares the album to Slash's solo début, which he criticised for sometimes seeming "strained under the weight of its creator’s own grand ambition", whereas on Apocalyptic Love, Slash's band "let the riffs and hooks fly freely". īrandon Geist of Revolver also gave a positive review of the album, giving it a 4 out of 5 rating. He also praises Myles Kennedy's vocals and cites "Anastastia" and "Far and Away" as standout tracks, praising their orchestral and cinematic elements. Writing for Artistdirect, Rick Florino gave an enthusiastic review, awarding the album 5 out of 5 stars and stating that it "embodies every side of Slash", featuring "some of the man's most incendiary and infectious playing yet". On Metacritic, it has a score of 62 out of 100, based on 13 reviews. The album received mixed reviews from critics. The number one album for the week was John Mayer's Born and Raised, with 17,800 copies. The album debuted at number two on the Canadian Albums Chart, selling 7,500 copies.

Slash anastasia professional#

Release and reception Professional ratings Aggregate scores It is an "internet rumor" according to Slash that the lead intro riff for "Anastasia" takes inspiration from Johann Sebastian Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor, which Slash interpolates live in his version of " Speak Softly Love". On March 26, 30 second samples from "Apocalyptic Love" were made available on. Kennedy, who wrote the lyrics, has said that some of the lyrics on the album are about his past negative experiences with drugs. Slash released the track listing for the album on March 5, 2012. The first single, "You're a Lie", was released to rock radio on Februa 30-second preview of the song was released online with this announcement. The album was finished in February 2012 and was given a May 22, 2012, release date. Slash described the new material as "very heavy". Slash began working on his second solo album in June 2011, and that December, three songs-"Halo", "Standing in the Sun" and "Bad Rain"-had been recorded. Slash later said that his second album would be more of a collaboration album with Kennedy, and said he was unsure whether it would be released under his own name or a new name entirely. Kennedy had previously appeared on two songs from Slash's first album, and was later the vocalist of Slash's band on tour. Shadows, and Kid Rock, he said his second album would feature Alter Bridge vocalist Myles Kennedy as the sole singer. Unlike his self-titled debut solo album, which featured a variety of singers including Chris Cornell, Ozzy Osbourne, M. During his first solo world tour, Slash announced his second studio album.

#Slash anastasia

[orologea]

Y'all ever just fight Tamamo, Nero and Altera to "I Need a Hero" in Extella Link, because that's a godlike experience

#seriously try it #it fits too well #let the intros roll during the song intro too #fate #fate extella link #fate nero #fate tamamo #fate altera

[asherlockstudy]

How to do perfect staging: a lesson from Italy

I mentioned at some point I might actually make a post drooling over Italy's Måneskin performance and staging. I was kinda bored to be honest and decided against it but then all those trashy rumours that try to bring the winners down seemed so disgraceful and embarrassing to me that I decided again to do it. Now, the truth is that their performance was a little better in the semi-final introduction act. Perhaps this was due to the anxiety of the Grand Final. This is why I am going to use photos and gifs from that act and perhaps this will show to some that the perfect package might need a little bit of everything, and not just slap your language on the audience's ears with the expectation that this alone is always enough. *Did I make this too personal?*

Anyway, I digress. And I don’t mean that the Grand Final performance wasn’t still the best of the night, I just mean it wasn’t at the same God Tier level as the semifinal one.

Here's why the Italians took advantage of the Dutch stage until its very last millimeter and way more cleverly than any other country.

This is the only act that starts from the back of the stage, where the singer Damiano David waits for us alone.

Even with the rest of the 25 competing countries, this intro makes you forget that you are watching a contest with 26 countries as guests. Unlike anyone else, Italy looks like the host, like this place belongs to them and the frontman waits for you to show you around and possibly drag you to the world of Måneskin. In fact, you almost forget it’s Eurovision - this now looks like a Måneskin concert or, even better, a more private space of theirs with an ominous industrial feel. One of the most impactful things now is the lighting. Take a look at it. Almost all contestants throw all the lights on themselves or on some important prop they have prepared. The Italians are the only ones who chose to just light the stage itself. The simple white lights on the black stage give the impression of depth and it is the only act which shows emphatically the size of the stage. Why this? Well, we already established that in the first seconds the viewers feel they are in a new space belonging exclusively to Måneskin - the lights make us feel that their area is vast and dark and we are about to be drawn to its depths.

Damiano indeed guides us to the front as he sings, where the rest of the band are on the top of a platform. The other members won’t come down and join Damiano until he sings the appropriate verse “Buona sera, signore e signori” (=Good evening, ladies and gentlemen) and accompany it with a theatrical flamboyant bow (that feels very Italian). That’s when, technically introduced to the audience after the official greeting, bassist Victoria de Angelis and guitarist Thomas Raggi come off the platform and join Damiano.

There’s nothing excessive about the visual effects. Only the use of white lights that give the perception of depth and in the background the big shadows of the group’s silhouettes. They are in the front and they cast their shadows in the back; they create to you a feeling of being trapped by them but do you really want to escape?

When the second verse starts, Victoria and Thomas take the paths left and right of the stage and leave Damiano alone. They take even more advantage of the stage and in a typical classic rock band way. These two play with the side cameras but the focus is more on Damiano, whose verse sounds more like a tongue-twister. Since the cameras are rightfully on Damiano, I must now address the elephant in the room. Damiano is particularly attractive. In fact, the whole band is almost mind-bogglingly attractive and they clearly take a lot of care about how exactly they are going to look but Damiano, as the frontman, does especially so. So let’s talk about the outfit. They all have essentially the same outfit, however it is cut differently for each based on the person’s looks and personality. Isn’t it fantastic?

Damiano, who oozes confidence and sex appeal, has accordingly the most “provocative” outfit of the four. His chest and arms are bare so that his many tattoos can be seen. I’ll talk about the other outfits later as they all have their place in the... uh... white lights.

During the second chorus Victoria and Thomas return at the center and after the chorus it is time for the first solo; Victoria’s. The cameras are now on her but the lighting remains modest to accentuate the dark beat of her bass.

Victoria is the only girl of the group and the most dressed of them all - how refreshing! Her outfit is more similar to Thomas but she is buttoned up in the front. How does she wish to underscore her uniqueness as the woman of the band? But of course, with long flamboyant girly sleeves that come to delicious contrast with her aggressive stomping and her wide strides. Both her hairstyle and her outfit is inspired or basically just outright 70′s classic rock look.

It’s time for the bridge of the song right after her solo and Damiano has his attention on her and also draws the viewer’s attention to her some more. This part of the song is lower and softer - in relative terms - that’s why Damiano “chooses” her to sing it to. The lights now turn red, the intensity rises but there’s light flirtatiousness between them, with many smiles to each other and the camera that turns around them as they launch at each other playfully.

Then the song gets darker, more intense, the guitar stronger than the bass and Damiano’s voice turns to a scream. For this part, he turns to his bro, guitarist Thomas and he now draws the attention to him.

He grabs Thomas by the neck in an intense, intimate way (that doesn’t mean sexual, just intimate. His interaction with Victoria wasn’t sexual either). It is clear that through different ways Måneskin want to stress how good and close their relations are and that their singer, who is apparently a show stealer by birth, wants to ensure that they all get equal amount of attention from their audience. I love this.

True enough, nobody is left behind! The last chorus starts with a drums solo and Damiano goes up to the platform to now meet and introduce to us Ethan Torchio. Ethan stands up and his giant shadow is on the now blue background: this is the moment for the - so I hear - somewhat shy drummer to shine in his own aesthetic. The Italians leave none of their assets to fall down and Ethan’s impressive hair rightfully steals the show.

Just like Victoria and Thomas look alike, so do Ethan and Damiano, that’s why their costumes are the most similar. Ethan has a vest that covers him more than Damiano but leaves his arms bare. Because whose else the arms do you need to see if not the drummer’s?

This song has something peculiar because it was not a song originally written for Eurovision; it slows down in the end and  does not end on some impressive note from the singer as usual but with the last solo we expect, that of the guitarist, because everything is fair in Måneskin! The focus has to leave Damiano, so now it’s the time for the visual effects to finally catch fire, literally,  because nobody is allowed to take their eyes off them! Måneskin use a huge amount of pyro that however feels appropriate for the intense chorus and the ending guitar solo.

Thomas steps up for his solo and I forget we are in 2021. This is the most 70s thing I would ever hope to see.

In a hell of pyro, Thomas looks like he was tranferred right from a 70s rock ‘n roll concert. His outfit would be gladly taken by Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. The unbuttoned jacket with this boho tie, such a classic 70s fashion touch. His haircut and even his FACE are the epitome of the 70s - what an ending sequence!

But hey we reached the end and this is Eurovision, the song slows down dangerously. Like I said, the Italians forbid us to get distracted. The attention must return to Damiano ASAP. Damiano says one last line and takes the audience with him to the very end with a death drop.

There you have it. Måneskin had me holding my breath for the full three minutes and I did not want to take my eyes off my TV. There are countless shows that are awesome - in this very Eurovision as well - but I was impressed by how they seemed to have found the perfect balance for everything in every single moment. They found the perfect stage concept for the song, they relied on visual effects only when they needed them and they stressed every twist and turn of their sound with a perfectly fitting move or interaction. They also all effortlessly could hold your attention and they made sure that they all would, with members often helping bring out other members. This performance was beautiful and, above all, clever which is why it was undoubtedly the worthiest of the win.  

#eurovision #eurovision 2021 #esc 2021 #eurovision song contest #italy #italy 2021 #maneskin #damiano david #victoria de angelis #ethan torchio #thomas raggi #music #songs #zitti e buoni #flashing tw #more

[celestialevie]

Birthday surprise // Niall Horan x singer! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: none

A/N: Since it's officially my birthday week and Niall's has just passed, I decided to write this very self-indulgent fic (even though I can't sing, but a girl can dream </3). I mostly wrote this for myself because I adore this human with my whole heart. Anyways hope someone will enjoy this fic just as much as I did writing it.

Finishing the first two songs, you chat a little with your fans. Noticing some of the signs they brought with them to get you to notice them, some of them making you laugh, while some of them made your heart clench with love. Sitting down at the piano, starting to play 'champagne problems'. While you were in the happiest relationship to date now, you still had some issues with your past relationships, where you were made the villain and them a victim when in reality it was the literal opposite. Niall was the blessing you were praying for. So what if you were fucked in the head? Niall loved you just the way you were.

Your birthday was coming up, and you were going to spend it while being in one of the cities you absolutely love touring in – Dublin. Although you were heartbroken because this will be the first birthday you were going to celebrate without your boyfriend, Niall. Ever since you've known him, you celebrated both of your birthdays with one another. His tour lead him to being in America during your birthday, which really sucked. You were both bummed out about it, he even offered to reschedule that concert, so he can be with you in Dublin, maybe even visit his family whilst already being in Ireland, you told him no. You didn't want to be selfish just because it's your birthday. Talking on the phone with him right from the moment he was awake (which was already in the afternoon for you). '' It feels weird to not be with you on your birthday, how will I survive without my birthday kisses and hugs from you? '' you ask while pouting. Niall chuckled and mimicked your put. '' I will give you your birthday kisses and hugs as soon as I see you. With extra ones for each day between your birthday and the day we see each other again. I promise. '' he gives you a smile. And you just pout harder. '' I really miss you. I can't wait to see you soon. '' checking the time, you realize it's almost time for you to start getting ready. '' Hey baby, I have to go start getting ready soon. I'll make sure Jenna calls you to FaceTime and shows you at least some concert if you're not busy. I love you and I miss you. '' as you say that, you hang up and quickly text your makeup artist, she can come over. Two minutes later, her and Jenna (your assistant and close friend) are in your dressing room, and you're getting ready. An hour later, you were done with your makeup and hair and all that was left was to put on your outfit. Ten minutes later, you were slowly making your way towards stage. Quickly texting Niall another I love you, and wishing him good luck on his own show later, you were off on the stage, the intro of your song' dress' starting to play as you were brought onto the stage. Let the fun begin.

After champagne problems, one of your favourite songs you wrote was next.

''... Don Perignon you brought it, no crowd of friends applauded

your hometown sceptics called it, champagne problems.''

'' A lot of you might not know, but this next song was inspired after I was done watching the amazing spider-man 2 for the millionth time. My love for Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield is unmatchable. Just ask my boyfriend, who's been hanging out with Tom Holland, how both of them are feeling betrayed by my love for both Amazing Spider-man's movies. This is How you get the girl. '' The intro of the song started playing and so were the screams of people.

Singing two more songs, you go get changed into a different outfit. Going back onto the stage, you're surprised that your manager Anna is standing there with a grin on her face.

'' Stand there like a ghost

Shaking from the rain

She'll open up the door and say 'are you insane?'

Say it's been long six months

And you were too afraid to tell her what you want, want...''

'' Uh-oh, manager is grinning, prepare yourselves guys, it's not going to be good. '' The crowd laughs while Anna rolls her eyes and smiles at you. '' We have a small surprise for you. '' as she says that, she points on the big screen behind you, when you turn around you are surprised to see a familiar face of one of your closest friends, Lewis Capaldi, wishing you a happy birthday and saying you guys need to go clubbing again soon. Laughing as his face fades away and the next one shows up, your very close friend and sometimes co-writer Taylor Swift, again wishing you the happiest birthday and saying how much she adores working with you and that she loves you very much. It went on for a while, all your friends and even your parents were there. Tears were falling down, and you didn't care it ruined your makeup. And then at the end there he was. My favourite face to see. Niall. '' Happiest birthday to you angel. I wish I could be there with you, just like we are always for our birthdays, but unfortunately I am not there to give you all the birthday hugs and wishes. I love you so much angel, keep rocking the world, and I will see you as soon as we can. '' At the end you were full on sobbing happy tears, hugging your manager and your band. The best surprise ever. '' I am very sorry for being a mess so publicly '' wiping your tears and thanking to whoever invented waterproof mascara for being the reason your makeup is not that ruined. '' Anyway, the show must go on, so let's go. '' picking up your acoustic guitar, adjusting it, you announce the song. ''You are in love. Let's go.''

''(...)

As the show is slowly coming to an end, and you're about to play a song that is about your boyfriend, that he inspired you to write. And Taylor helped you co-write it.

Morning, his place

Burnt toast, Sunday

You keep his shirt

He keeps his word

And for once, you let go

Of your fears and your ghosts

One step, not much

But it said enough

You kiss on side walks

You fight and you talk

One night he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says

You're my best friend

And you knew what it was

He is in love. ''

'' Sadly, the show is slowly coming to an end. You guys were the absolute best and I adore spending my birthday with you all. This next song is literally one of the most accurate songs I've written about any of my relationship. When I got inspired by my loveliest boyfriend, I had to invite Taylor to help me write it, as we all know she is the lyrics master. Lover is one of my many nicknames I use for Niall, and I know that he's probably watching this or will watch it later, so hi Niall. '' you wave to one of the camera's while the crowd laughs. Gently, you start playing the guitar.

What you didn't know is that your boyfriend is a liar and is actually hiding with your assistant Jenna, waiting to come on the stage to surprise you. Of course, he wouldn't miss your birthday, even if he has to reschedule the concerts. You were absolutely worth it. As he waits for the part of the song he's gonna crash in, Jenna and Anna are making sure you don't accidentally notice Niall before time. The plan is for Anna to quickly distract you on one side while Niall comes out on the other side of the stage.

'' (...)

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Lover '' as you sing that part, you notice Anna waving at you like a maniac, distracting you and mouthing something to you. As you're trying to figure out what is she saying, the crowd starts screaming, and you freeze as the familiar voice starts to sing the next part of the song

''Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand...''

The song soon comes to an end, and you're bringing Niall into another hug. He just smiles and wraps his arms around your waist. '' Happy birthday, angel. I hope you don't mind me crashing. '' You just shake your head while holding him as close as you can. '' You are always welcome to crash my show. The next song is your song anyway, so you might as well stay and sing with me. '' he pulls away and looks at you. '' Let's go finish this show, so I can give you all the birthday kisses and hugs you want. ''

You turn around with your hand on your mouth, as the man himself makes his way towards you. You're in absolute shock because this man is supposed to be in America. He only laughs at your reaction as he pulls you towards him in a tight hug while still singing. Hugging him back, not wanting to let go of him. Slightly pulling away, looking him directly in his beautiful blue eyes while singing.

'' I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover ''

#niall horan #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan x you #niall horan x y/n #niall horan x reader #niall horan fanfic #niall horan x singer! reader #one direction #niall james horan #niall horan fluff

[bts-weverse-trans]

201127 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jungkook

Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.27

I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.

You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the  music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.

You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.

What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.

You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.

Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like  for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.

It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.

On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.

Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)

Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.

How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.

One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.

It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.

What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope   when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.

Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.

Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.

So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)

It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.

Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)

But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.

You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.

When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”

You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.

You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.

What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.

By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.

It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.

You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)

Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.

You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.

Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”

Trans © Weverse

#bangtan #jungkook #weverse #weverse magazine #be album #comeback interview #201127 #2020