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aio-rya · 3 years

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Red Panda Headcanons

GN!Reader x Character

「Requested by: @kih-lux」

A/N: Kih~ you gave me the option and this was more focused to be a Male Reader but... It ended being more a Gender Neutral, I guess... I'll keep practicing.

・Floyd, Jade and Azul are ocean creatures, they know about hybrids and people like Ruggie, Leona and Jack, though they are aware there are other species, some of them are so rare and so unique it's far too difficult to have a chance of running into one of them. And, guess what? Yes, you were part of that category.

・"I've never seen one of your kind, why? Are you so rare? Are you from a far land? Wait, maybe you are... An endangered specie?". Be patient with the tweel, he has too many questions since his research hasn't been so long; you'll be pleased of helping him with that.

・Well, this couldn't result as you originally planned since Jade himself determined you were in nice shape, your body was as expected from a being half beast, half human. So, he decided you will be helping him on the Lounge too! So you could spend more time together, talking about you while working. Plus, he thought the contrast between your brune ears and tail made a nice contrast with the grey suit of Octavinelle.

・The curiosity soon transformed into interest, he started hanging out with you and even asked you to join his club! In fact, he thought you could enjoy it since your specie's homeland is a forest; you could help him learn from places he has never been before, though he would love to know if you remembered any sort of fungi of your homeland.

・Jade will be always respectful, asking before acting, having a special attraction for your tail and ears. He has seen things like those before, with Savanaclaw's dorm members, but you were specially cute for him. Since you had a special moment when you purred —because, yes, pandas actually purr.

・He loves the comparison you do about him being a bambu stick. His height is a bit far than yours so, when you hug him and tangle your tail on his legs it looks as if you were a red panda holding a bambu stick even though red pandas don't do that often.

・The Tweels are not used to cold, they prefer to stay on earth at winter, but that will not stop him from being warm with you. He loves your fur because of that, specially when you have sleepovers and you roll your tail against him to keep him warm.

・"What do we have here? A teddy bear?"; he will ask, mocking of you, looking at the cute red fur of your ears, caught by the white line on the side of them. You'd smile mischievously, sighing, not letting his height or his deep voice intimidate you, slowly approaching a couple of steps —instead of answering his provocation, you'll lift a hand, almost at the height of his face. "Ho... This herbivore has guts."

・"I'm no herbivore... Not at all", you'll answer, defending yourself as you show your retractile long, pointy claws to him. You'd swear everything you saw in his eyes at the moment was fear on its pure form, specially since you made this actually at his eyes' height. You'd dare to say you broke him but it'd be more accurate to tell you actually gained his respect.

・Well, your peculiar first meeting was just the beginning of what somehow became a love-hate friendship. Since he was the captain of your club and you shared more unexpected encounters than you'd have thought, you grew fond of each other; soon, going from one place to another together.

・Leona would question you a lot about your specie; he's used to carnivorous wild animals like Ruggie, like him or some cheetah or tiger hybrids, but you were a bit different. And even after you already explained him your situation, he would still mess around, giving you bambú sticks for snack between classes, just because he loves your upset expression and the way you wave your tail furiously and move your ears to the sides.

・You got to trust each other so far Leona sometimes dishevelled the fur of your cylindrical, thick tail; he was lot curious about it since it was far shorter than his very own. That meant, of course, you delighted yourself with payback; sometimes braiding the tip of his tail, or tangling his tie on a ribbon on it.

・Since you were both half animal, you knew exactly which points he'd like to be touched on. That was, somehow, cheating; specially when you found him angry and tried to make him relax, words wouldn't work so you'd stand behind him and caress his ears —of course you made him purr, you always do. That, suddenly, became an intimate thing only of you both.

・There's something Leona loves doing and not necessarily to bother you: paw your ears. For him, those are like marshmallows, the red fluff, more rigid and smaller than his own. He just melt for touching them, specially when you fall asleep because, yeah, pandas sleep as much as the Prince of Afterglow Savannah.

・He could not hide his surprise when he realised you were not completely human, you immediately caught his attention; furthermore, you were not a common specie, he deduced so by your smell. "Well, well... What do we have here? You look like Kingscholar but quite... Hm. Completely different."

・Malleus would come back to you often, some nights when he was trying to scape from his guards. But he will not arrive just like it; he will try to find some facts about you, ask you the less possible and make research by his own to know what you were, how to treat you? Until you became of more interest for him than your specie.

・Soon he discovered by your stories that you were alone too, still you had a family but your own specie was not very common, you made friends with another kind of hal-beasts and another species of pandas. That only made him to get attached to you, someone who could understand him!

・He got to hang out with you almost every night, reaching the point where he would go and look for you to your classrooms. Malleus thought at first you started fearing him too by the twitching of your ears, soon realising you just... Softened. The way you flattened your ears was signal of trust, you actually felt comfortable around him —you made the Heir of the Valley happy.

・As time passed by, you earned an inconditionnel friend, he would talk to you about almost anything you wanted to know while, in exchange, you taught him about your world, the "human" world. Soon, that became more physical, and now he pawed your ears when you leaned on his shoulder to listen at him and his tales.

・There were nights when he would take you to the castle's roof to talk more privately, or just to see the moon and the forest along the village in the distance. And many of those nights, you'd fall asleep, curled up against his legs with your tail swinging peacefully or just laying over your legs or hips; he would try to caress it, obviously not waking you up and, if you ever did, he will just blush and look away.

・You had your own tricks, sometimes when you went for a walk on the little forest around the castle, you climbed threes and hanged upside down trying to surprise him. Well... You even touched his horns. At first you were worried about him being mad but his laughter broke the tension on your shoulders. But of course, you had a tail and ears, so his payback was inevitable.

・"I have never seen someone liketh thee...", you heard the intrigue on his voice. He floated around you, upside down, analysing the visible characteristics that made you half an animal. When Lilia is curious, he's not very measured with his actions... Yeah, that means he will touch your fur.

・He'd love to study your reactions to many stimulus, so he will tease you in ways you can and cannot expect. Though you started being prepared, or at least a bit, you'd never anticipate when was he going to appear. You were basically on guard every time you were on the library or in the hallways until the final day came and he told you how interesting you were to him.

・You tried to do the same on him but the movement of your tail or even sometimes your little furry ears twitching will alert him of your presence. Since then, you both became almost inseparable; people could se him flying around you, upside down or just playfully, other times you just got to sit aside him but there were always laughter and smiles.

・Oh, true! He basically transformed you into a nocturnal creature. Once he introduced you into video-game's world, you started spending more time together, another fact reassuring him you were a panda: sleeping a lot on the evening, when classes or clubs were not taking place, and enjoying the night along him.

・That of course meant he must protect your ears from Sebek. His very own audition was sensible enough to be disturbed by the demi-fae loudness, but he was worried about you: since he knew you were a red panda and discovered pandas had developed very, very, very sensible ears due to not wanting to be hunted by predators, he would avoid having you and Sebek on the same room for too long.

・His protective instincts made their appearance. You seemed like a tender and lovely being for him, that was the reason why Lilia was concerned about you: even though you were half a human, most of your habits were of your animal part. He knew when you were sleepy and you tried to pretend you were not just to stay with him for a while, playing. He will, surprisingly, sing you a lullaby to make you sleep while he played one last round; keeping an eye on you, the way you curled up, the way your ears twitched.

・The way you met was... Amusing. Well, you see, one of your favourite spots for napping was the forest, the place where he usually made his patrols. Since his narcolepsy is always present, he tends to fall asleep in situations like this, what happened that day: he fell under your three and once you woke up together, you both got scared as hell.

・He started questioning you; why were you there? What were you doing? Who where you? You answered calmly, trying to calm him down since he was actually pointing at you with the sword. When he finished and put the blade down, you asked for him to answer the same question. And once you were aware of his condition, you understand everything and both bursted in laughter.

・There were to many incidental encounters with each other you ended up being friends. Sometimes you even went and looked for him deep in the forest, when you found him asleep you'll just sit by his side and read a book or play a bit with the animals surrounding him, usually birds. You cannot understand them, but when he woke up, he will always act as a translator for you.

・He had the opportunity of finding you asleep on the branch of a three or behind a rock, one of those times, curiosity took over him and he couldn't help but start petting you. Starting for your ears and your hair, getting startled when he heard you purring under his hand.

・Most of the time you surprised him at his night patrol, it was cold outside often, so you made a scarf for him. It matched with your tail and it was thick and furry too; your heart almost fell from your chest when you saw the happiness in his eyes. Now, when you were nap buddies, he will take it with him.

・He wanted to teach you something about him too so he used your free time to teach you fencing. Yes, he would usually bring another sword to the forest so you could kill time whenever you were not sleeping, reading or he was not on guard.

・Even Lilia cooked sometimes for Silver, he was aware of your existence. He was happy though about his little boy having a new friend... Well, deep inside himself, he was happy, just awaiting for Silver to know how love felt —in fact, he just wanted his child to go asking for advice.

#ツイステ #ツイステッドフンダラーンド #twst #twisted wonderland #jade leech #twst jade #leona kingscholar #twst leona #malleus draconia #twst malleus #lilia vanrouge #twst lilia #twst silver #twisted wonderland silver #twst headcanons

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mysteriesgalplusdamianthings · 3 years

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Homeward Bound (NSFW)

This is a small snipit from my damimaps oneshot. This was based on a prompt wish list from @gumbloodygirl I really like, there were like eight other prompts that I might take a gander at later down the road but this stood out to me.

This one was where Maps and Damian venture back to Gotham with a little surprise for the fam, after a whole year of raising their child away from home.

So a big thank you @gumbloodygirl for the prompt.

Warning: it has smut obviously, so read at your own risk.

Here's the link if you want to read the rest of it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32561929

Happy Reading!!!!

Maps felt uncomfortable.

Very uncomfortable.

She breathed laboriously shifting awkwardly in her bed, groaning as she did, her eyes slowly fluttered open to be faced with her ceiling. She blinked away the sleep in her eyes, reaching up to rub leisurely at them. Maps wanted to spread out her aching body but found that she couldn't, what she first had noticed was that she felt somewhat pleasantly warm. The second was a substantial weight laying on her bare chest.

Ah, now she remembers, Maps thought fondly.

She sighed contently as she reached down to run her thin fingers through his soft hair, she heard a soft moan from the man on top of her as he snuggled up closer to her, wrapping his arms securely around her waist. Maps placed a soft kiss on his head before she looked over at her clock and read two-thirty in the morning.

The soft glow of the moonlight casting through her window was the only source of light she had, permitting her to turn her attention back to Damian, studying the defined lines and contours of his face to her heart's content. His head rested comfy buried between her breasts, as one of his legs was tucked snugly in between both of hers; so she's entirely and utterly wrapped up in his warmth.

Enwrapped in him.

She couldn't help but chuckle lightly at how cute he looked sleeping on her like this. She ran her thumb across his swollen lips reviving their last-night activities that lead up to this cherished minute. They had basically planned to have a late pizza date night, by starting the evening off with watching a whole marathon of shark week together. Not even ten minutes into the first episode did they venture off into something else... now laid a half-empty box of cheese pizza on their nightstand and a still paused shark week on their tv.

Maps contemplated reaching over for the remote to shut the tv off, but feard waking Damian up in the process. So she settled for leaving it on, they could continue it later on if they had time.

Especially since Damian had promised they'd finish the episode after they were done with their lovemaking, but he had immediately fallen asleep after a few rounds of them tumbling unitedly between sheets with sweet nothings and desperate kisses.

Although, Maps couldn't find it in herself to be upset or even annoyed at their plans being ruined. Moments like this were somewhat of a rare occurrence in their day-to-day life, however, it's not so much due to work or patroling that's been necessarily keeping them busy.

So this was a welcoming atmosphere; or the calm before the storm.

Maps let out a weary sigh.

She knew the conversation she was going to have with him wasn't going to be an easy one, but it was something she needed to address. She can't keep putting this on hold anymore, it wasn't healthy and they both knew it is the right choice for the three of them, for everyone.

She gazed in thought up at the ceiling, pondering on how to go about telling him.

Maybe she could get Dick to convince him? Or Alfred? They always knew what to say to get Damian to compromise.

Maps slowly maneuver her hand from his hair and down his back, her fingers rippled over the many scars and burns he's obtained over the years. She sighed again, as she gets to thinking about the new chapter in their life.

Leaving their new home in Arlington for Gotham.

It was a big step, an overwhelming, terrifying, and nerve-racking step, all at a cost for various reasons.

The main one relates to the boy who is at the moment using her as a body pillow; namely the life he left behind to start a new one with her to be exact. It had happened about a year ago, when she had discovered she was pregnant with Damian's child.

It had been the happiest moment of their lives, knowing that there was a life growing inside of her. It was at that realization that they decided to move, to find a place that wasn't surrounded by its own corruption, a place with new beginnings, a place where they can just leave everything behind and start anew.

They had found that place here in Arlington, yes, of course, it had its pros and cons but it was nice and it was theirs.

But unfortunately, they had moved before their son Isaac was born.

So the family had never gotten the chance to meet him. Their little bundle of joy; the light of their life. And that was something Maps wasn't too thrilled with, no she was absolutely not having any of it.

No matter what happened in their past, or what Gotham consisted of, the bats were Isaac's family too and they have every right to see their nephew and be a family with him.

Damian was just going to have to accept that.

She didn't care if she had to move back to Gotham by herself. Isaac was going to meet the people she now calls her family. Although she will admit, she couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive about what the future holds for them, all of them really.

Moving back to Gotham could mean chaos and trouble, but dammit' it was still her home, she grew up there with all her friends, and had even found the love of her life in that godforsaken city.

Gotham may be an eternal damnation, but she had so many treasured memories there. Even if it was a shared agreement between the two of them to leave the city, it hadn't made the move any easier.

And it's not like she wants to leave without her husband... but he can be so selfish and stubborn at times. Maps chewed on the inside of her lip anxiously, or maybe she was the one being selfish?

She glanced down at Damian's sleeping form, so peacefully, completely unaware of the war going on in her head.

"Stop thinking already," he mumbles into her chest.

Or maybe not.

"Damian, did I wake you?" Maps asked, watching him shift lightly.

"You're pinching me," Damian grumbles shifting again and away from her hand.

She looked over and found herself pinching at one of his prominent scars, something she had picked up a year into their marriage, it was a small habit she did when she was thinking hard about something. She smoothed her hand down his back then up to his hair again, pressing another gentle kiss to his head.

"Sorry, I can't help it." Maps whispered, pressing another kiss to his forehead. Damian settled back into her as he sighed into her bosom. Maps felt his hot breath spread up to her neck, she slightly shivered as heat spread throughout her body.

"What's wrong?" he asked, voice sleep-laden and spent.

Maps pause for a moment, now is a good of a time as any to tell him. Better rip the band-aid off now before she chickens out.

She breathes in then out to calm her racing heart, her chest heaved with effort. She let the silence settle in to collect herself some more before answering him.

She breathed then said, "I want to move back to Gotham," she quietly declares into the silent air, hoping her rapid beating heart would just calm down already. Damian stays silent for a moment or two, laying completely still, listening to the beats of her heart.

Maps bit her lip hard as her nerves rush up in her stomach and then into her chest, she was always making declarations like this in the worst times.

Maybe she should have waited until he was fully rested... but then he'd have more energy to argue back with her if she did.

Her hand stills in his hair as she franticly tries to backtrack her statement, but stopped in her mid-panic attack as she felt him move to sit up, now he's staring down at her with a serious look coating his eyes.

He doesn't look mad... but he doesn't look too happy either.

"Why?" he asked the question simply as if he was trying to understand, voice taught and probing. Maps reached her hands up to wrap one around his neck and the other to stroke his cheek gazing up at him with warm pleading eyes.

She smiled as he leaned into her touch, "I want your family to meet our son, I want him to have a life with the people we love Damian, I want them to share these precious moments we have with Isaac with everyone else, that's why." Maps replied back in a soft tone to let him know that she was genuine about what she stated, showing her concern for their son's future.

Damian frowned gently, his gaze intensified.

After a moment of quietness, he uttered, "No," with a sharp tone removing her hand from his face. "And that's final, go back to sleep."

"What?" Maps exclaimed hurt and confused, she knew Damian wasn't going to agree so easily but to reject her proposal without so much as a reason why made her angry. And Maps wasn't one to back down so easily, she hastily sat up glaring at him, and shouted.

"Why not? This will be good for him, for us, why can't you see that?" She threw her hands up as the covers slid down to their waist, the two unmoved by the sudden chill of the room hitting their naked bodies.

Damian straightens back his shoulders to appear taller as he glared down at her with equal fervor.

He crossed his arms against his broad chest, "We had both agreed that we will raise our son somewhere that wasn't Gotham, somewhere far away from the caps and cowls and now after building a stationary life here, you want to go back?" Damian shouted back as his eyes glowed a familiar shade of green, Maps wasn't discouraged by it.

"Yes," Maps replied plain and simple, folding her arms across her chest as well. The two stared down at each other, daring the other to back down, but neither was budging.

"No," he repeated again with more power to his voice, Maps rolled her eyes.

"Give me one good reason why we shouldn't?" she snapped back.

"It's dangerous," he replied.

She scoffed, "Everywhere is dangerous Damian," she spat back rolling her head animatedly, flattening her hands to her hips as if challenging him to continue.

His glare hardened, "Because I said so," he hissed.

"That's not a good reason," she shouted back.

Damian growled, feeling agitated by the minute. He wasn't fully awake to be having this conversation with her, he'll need to turn the tables in his favor. With that idea in mind, an idea pops into his head.

Damian leans in and presses a soft peck to her lips, surprising her for a millisecond before he leaned in further to give her an open-mouth kiss. Maps gasped as she backs away in shock, Damian places his hand on her shoulders gently pushing her down back into the mattress.

Maps had to blink a few times because this was not what she had expected from him.

Maps indistinctly tried to stifle a small groan, as he was now vigorously sucking on her neck, ugh he was being such a complete moron, her stupidly cute moron. Oh God, she loves this man so much, but she's all but ready to punch him in his stupid face.

"D-Damian," Maps shrikes as Damian rubs his thumb against her left nipple.

"Shh, you'll wake Isaac," he muttered into her neck, repositioning himself so he's fully situated between her legs again, which she subconsciously made room for him to do so.

He lies his full body weight on top of her's so the hard planes of his chest was pressed against her soft plump bust.

"I doubt that," she whispered, unsure at the moment, glancing at the door connected to their bedroom that was hosting their child's nursery.

"Anyways we were talking about- ah!" Maps gasped out loud, observing Damian move to bite at her nipple.

"I said no already, will you just drop it," he said kissing the gap between her breast, Maps whined. He pressed his kisses down the valley of her breast, to her navel, all the way down to her pelvic.

He sat upon his knees and forced her legs apart, staring at her wet pussy hungrily, she watched him bow his head between her thighs and gasped as his nose met her hot skin.

Maps clawed at the blankets closing her eyes tight before dropping her head onto her pillow, "H-hey would you sto-mph," his warm breath warned her a second before he brushed his lips against her cunt, spreading her folds with his tongue, he dragged his hot tongue slowly along her clit and teased her.

Humming as his tongue slid in and out of her, running his large hands up and down her quivering legs.

She pulled desperately, trying to pull away, feeling herself become undone by his skillful lips by the second, he grabbed her hips and held her in place keeping her trapped.

She tensed as his tongue flicked over her clit again causing her to jerk upwards, "Ah, Damian!" Maps whispered breathlessly.

He ignored her pleases, pushing a thick finger inside of her, adding another in after hearing a sharp gasp leave her lips. Moving them in and out in time with his mouth, his motions intensified hearing a long sluty moan echo in his ears, he smirked.

"A-at least give it a-ah chance, a month and oh! mph... if you don't like it we could always just m-move back." Maps pleaded, hoping he'd stop distracting her long enough so she could think properly.

But at last, she wasn't going to get such a request any time soon, as Damian moved from her cunt, back up to her neck, then finally her lips. Placing random kisses on her nose, cheek, and forehead still pumping his fingers in and out of her at a vigorous pace.

He was playing a dirty game here.

"Damian-mph" Maps was silenced by his lips connecting with hers grazing a path along her bottom lip with his warm tongue and nips gently with his teeth. Causing her to open her mouth for him so he could deepen the kiss.

Without thinking, Maps wraps her arms around Damian's neck pulling him in closer as their tounges intertwine in a fight for dominance.

Damian won.

Getting lost in the sensation that is Damian, he pulls his fingers free from her throbbing walls causing a short whine from her into their embrace, naturally, he starts grinding into her, creating delicious friction between the two, drawing a deep moan from them both.

Maps couldn't help but grind back into him as their bodies moved like waves together, creating a smooth rhythm. He reached down to knead at her hips and one of her breasts, rolling his index finger and thumb over her right nipple giving it some much-needed attention.

"Damian please," Maps whined breathlessly, Damian couldn't help but smile.

"Please what?" he said teasingly, knowing he now has the upper hand.

"I- you... this- ah! this isn't fair," Maps half-cries and half-moans out loud as he enters her.

"This is fair love," he whispers into her ear as he starts to move in and out of her in slow motions and the occasional roll of his hips, dragging out his thrusts. Causing slight grating against her clit, generating yet another familiar vulgar moan to escape her lips, prompting Damian to moan as well.

Damian sighed heated and sharp in her ear finding her little groans the most enraptured noise to ever grace his ears.

Damian moved his hands down to grip her hips as he thrusts up into her hard. And for a while, the only sound that filled their room was their bodies slapping against each other and scattered breathy moans from the both of them.

"N-no, I-" Maps slides her hands up his chest for leverage as he speeds up his pace, she just couldn't get a single word out for every time she did he'd bottom her out completely stealing her breath away, forgetting what she had wanted to say in the first place.

Damit, she wasn't going out like this.

Maps frowned and leaned up to bit his shoulder, prompting Damian jerk in pain. She quickly shoved him off pushing him to the side so his back was now laying flat on their mattress.

She wastes no time shifting their positions so she was now straddling him, placing both her hands flat on his chest, she looked down at him with dark determined eyes.

"Listen here you idiot," Maps snapped, watching Damian's eyes widen with shock and if she wasn't mistaken... a bit of pride too. "We're doing this whether you like it or not, I already bought the tickets so you can either stay here and sulk while I and your son leave or you can come with us and be a family." Maps huffed angrily, as Damian silently, begrudgingly, contemplated his options.

He sighed closing his eyes, "Fine, but only for a month," he brooded looking like a pouty child.

Maps squealed excitedly leaning down to shower him in kisses and thank you's.

"I promise you won't regret this and this way Isaac can see his uncles and grandpa and-" Damian reached up behind her head smashing her lips against his, he pulled back with a smug smirk.

"Why don't we continue where we left off before you go on your little amusing rant," he suggested placing his hands where her thighs and ass meet.

Maps nodded with a giggle, as Damian began moving her up and down while simultaneously thrusting up into her, picking up his pace where he had left off.

Leaving nothing but soft moans amidst the couple, echoing all throughout the night.

#damian wayne #damimaps #gotham academy #dc comics #fanfiction #batman #batfamily #bruce wayne #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #alfred pennyworth #maps mizoguchi #damian x maps #smut

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spicycreativity · 3 years

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Intertwined - Chapter 2

Chapter: 2/9

Additional Notes: Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick"

Chapter Content Warnings: N/A, ask to tag

Excerpt: Patton watched, endeared. Seeing Janus laugh was like catching the green flash at sunset, a rare and beautiful sight he never thought he would be lucky enough to see.

Despite last night's promise, Janus was different. Or rather, he was the same: flashing only a token smile at Patton as he draped himself artfully over the kitchen island.

From the moment Janus had set foot in the kitchen, Patton could feel the regression. It was written in the gentle boredom resting atop Janus' features, in the way he made a show of fussing with his capelet. Like he had better things to do, and anything, even the drape of his clothing, was higher priority than Patton.

It hurt, but Patton swallowed it down because it was the only thing he knew how to do, and did his best to make Janus feel welcome.

"Morning!" he said brightly, already reaching for the coffee pot. Despite last night's lack of sleep, he had awoken to his natural rhythm (which was, much to Logan's curiosity, separate from Thomas' own), and immediately set about consuming as much caffeine as he could get his hands on. It had worked its magic, to a certain degree, and Patton found the day much easier to face. "Coffee?"

Janus nodded without making eye contact, glancing instead over his shoulder, then leaning forward to look into the white fog where the hallway turned back into the subconscious. "Don't tell me the others are still sulking?"

That stung. Patton tugged at one of the friendship bracelets encircling his right wrist, reminded himself to be patient. "They're allowed to be upset," he said, polishing his tone to a gleaming, brassy shine.

"What about Virgil?" Janus asked. Patton frowned, remembering how distant he had been, and turned away from the coffee pot to face Janus.

Patton wasn't sure what he'd expected. Janus' face gave nothing away, but... could he be worried about seeing Virgil? Why else would he ask? "Virgil might wander in," Patton said cautiously. "He's a late sleeper."

Janus nodded, studying his nails with a nonchalant expression even though he was wearing gloves. Patton squinted, opened his mouth to speak, remembered something. "Right, coffee." He took a mug down from the cabinet by the refrigerator, choosing a pale blue one with a pink heart on it. They had lots of mugs because that was how a home should be. Extra everything for guests and travelers and family.

"I had forgotten about Virgil," Janus said quietly. "So he's still practically nocturnal?"

"Only sometimes," Patton admitted. Hopefully Virgil wouldn't mind his saying so. It wasn't like Janus was a stranger, after all. "Milk in your coffee?"

"I'll take care of it," Janus said. He was smiling and sitting up when Patton turned to hand him the mug, and although he was no longer draped over the kitchen island, he seemed more relaxed, somehow.

Patton sighed, relief coursing through him at the return of this Janus. His Janus. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes," Janus said, and Patton wasn't sure whether to believe him. He was so guarded all the time. He never seemed to give anything up by accident. "I suppose you did as well?"

"Actually, I did," Patton said. He leaned over the kitchen island so he could face Janus, who had put his head down, staring fixedly into the shimmering black of his coffee. The set to his jaw was familiar, the refusal to look up. He looked embarrassed, although Patton couldn't fathom why. He decided to continue talking, to make the space more comfortable. "Yup, I fell asleep pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow. Guess you could say I was frog tired." He winced, grateful that Janus wasn't looking at him, and pressed on. "Anyway! Want me to make you breakfast? I can do happy face pancakes better than Denny's."

"Better than Denny's?" Janus said, finally looking up. All traces of embarrassment were gone from his face; he turned his human side to Patton and gave a crooked smile. "Why, Patton, are you boasting?"

Reflexive shame warmed Patton's cheeks at the call out, but Janus was still smiling. Oh. He was teasing. "Better than Denny's," Patton affirmed. This was new territory, but it felt safe, somehow. Janus was being… Well, nice. Smiling and relaxed, he looked as at-ease as any of the others would. Like he belonged here.

"Who could say no to that?" Janus said. His snake eye lit up when he smiled, Patton noticed suddenly. It wasn't the same as the human side, but then, it was probably hard to get any expression at all out of the left side, what with the scales getting in the way.

Patton smiled, too, and for a moment, all his troubles seemed like distant things. But the respite didn't last and guilt turned in his stomach. He would make enough pancakes for everyone, and deliver them to Roman and Logan if they didn't show up. None of them technically needed to eat, being imaginary; none of them needed to do anything at all. But Patton liked to cook, and the thought of Roman and Logan sitting alone with nothing made his breath hitch. Yes, he would make enough for all of them and then some.

Neither Janus nor Patton made any attempts at conversation while Patton got all his ingredients together. Logan had told him the name for that, some Italian phrase, or maybe it was French. That sounded right. "Hey, Janus?" Patton called over his shoulder, tossing a bag of butterscotch chips onto the counter.

"Yes?"

"Do you know what this is called?" Patton asked, already transitioning to the fridge for the whipped cream.

There was a pause. "...The kitchen?" Janus said.

"No, no." Patton set the whipped cream down on the kitchen island and popped the cap off. "When you get all your stuff together before you cook. I think it's French?"

"Oh," said Janus, his face growing thoughtful. " Omelette du fromage."

"No!" Patton turned away to laugh, one hand still on the whipped cream canister.

"Scout's honor." Janus held up his gloved right hand, facade not cracking for even a moment.

"It starts with an M, I think," Patton said, twisting up his mouth as he tried to remember.

This bubbled over into laughter when Janus said, deadly serious, " Momelette du fromage." That was when he finally lost it, and hid his mouth behind his hand, shoulders shaking with suppressed mirth.

Patton watched, endeared. Seeing Janus laugh was like catching the green flash at sunset, a rare and beautiful sight he never thought he would be lucky enough to see.

His palm began to ache with cold, and he realized he was still holding onto the whipped cream. Remembering his idea, he waited for Janus to surface from behind his hands before brandishing the canister. "Open."

"Shut," said Janus, eying him with obvious doubt.

"Open!" Patton insisted, shaking the can a little.

"Absolutely not!" Janus said. "Here." He finished his coffee in a few swallows and held the empty cup out to Patton. "They do this for dogs at drive-throughs, you know."

"A puppaccino for you," Patton said, filling the mug with whipped cream. He was just about to tilt his head back and spray some into his mouth when Virgil rounded the corner all cloaked in shadows, with his hood up like the Grim Reaper. Patton flinched so hard it almost hurt. "Virgil! Good morning, kiddo!"

"Not with him here," Virgil said, jerking his hooded head at Janus.

The change was nearly instantaneous and it came down in front of Janus like heavy iron bars. He leaned back in his chair, resting one elbow on the back of it so he could toy with what few strands of hair peeked out from under his hat. "Now, Virgil , is that polite?" he asked, affecting shock and offense. His eyes flicked to Patton, but he stopped short of making eye contact and directed his gaze downward instead. "Here I am talking with my friend--" a pause-- "and you come in here and insult me."

“Seriously.” Virgil looked at Patton. “What is he doing here?”

“Sitting,” Janus said before Patton could even think. “Is that allowed?”

"Uh, since you're asking my permission, no. It's not allowed. Get lost."

"Yes, that obviously wasn't a rhetorical question. You're so clever."

Panic welled up in Patton’s throat and he couldn’t control it-- they were just bickering now, but it would spiral and someone’s feelings would get hurt. He didn't even realize he was backing away until he hit the wall behind him. Oh, god, he wouldn’t have to choose, would he? He couldn’t. Just the thought made his breath hitch like croaking in his throat and no no no--

"Virgil," Janus said, a touch too loud. "Truce."

Patton looked at him, panic falling away in the face of his confusion.

"What?" Patton watched Virgil's posture open a little, shifting from defensive to something a bit more neutral, versatile. "What are you trying to pull?"

Janus waved a hand, flashing yellow in Patton's peripheral vision. "Patton can fill you in the gory details as he sees fit. Here's what you need to know: I'm in."

"You're in?" Virgil repeated.

"I'm in," Janus said again. "Quid pro quo." He paused in between each syllable, his gaze intense and never wavering from Virgil. "I gave up my name--"

"You what?"

" Please interrupt me; that will make this go so much smoother." Janus paused, but Patton and Virgil remained silent. "I gave up my name, and in return, was given a voice." He turned his face downward and began to fuss with his right glove, and it took Patton a moment to realize that he was taking it off. For what? Another vow? What else could he possibly have to swear to?

"What are you doing?" Virgil asked, drawing back as Janus stepped away from the kitchen island and approached him.

Janus held up his bare right hand like a magician at a street show, then held it out for Virgil to shake. "Truce, Virgil. You don't like me, I don't care about you, blah blah blah. That doesn't have to change. But for Patton’s sake, for everyone’s sake, we can at least be civil."

Patton watched them in wide-eyed silence. For his sake? Janus was doing this for him?

The silence stretched on.

"Look," Janus said, clearly losing patience. "There's nothing I can do to make you trust me--"

"Uh, you could start by losing the attitude," Virgil sneered. Something clicked in Patton's head, but he had no time to pursue it as Virgil turned toward him with a hard look in his eyes. "Patton."

"Yeah, Virgil?"

"What's his name?"

Patton pressed his back harder against the wall, letting it take more and more of his weight. That was all he wanted, someone to hold him up for a while. But he had nothing, nothing but the turmoil before him and the cold, white wall behind his back and friendship bracelets like circles of fire around his wrists. "It's Janus."

Virgil scoffed, and something akin to a smile flashed on his lips for just a moment. And then, to Patton's surprise, Virgil shook Janus' hand.

“Am I interrupting something?” Logan’s voice came from the doorway sounding as cold as the air around them, though Patton was reasonably sure that was poor Roman’s doing.

“‘Morning, Teach,” Virgil said, withdrawing his hand from Janus’ and shoving it in his pocket. “You’re not interrupting anything. What’s up?”

“Why don’t you sit down?” The words left Patton’s mouth in a frantic yelp, all high-pitched and desperate. He didn’t care. He just needed Logan to be okay; it was his job to make sure Logan was okay.

"No, thank you," Logan said firmly. "I only came to invite you to a meeting." He lifted his head and looked at Janus. " All of you."

"What kind of meeting?" Patton asked.

"A meeting regarding Thomas' functioning from this point forward. I believe we have cause to reassess some matters and re-examine some notions that were previously regarded as truths," Logan said "Please meet me back here at precisely 9:30. That is one hour and 23 minutes from now. I am telling you this now so you have adequate time to prepare and do not keep me waiting." Logan turned to leave.

"Wait!" Patton said, throat aching with the urge to cry. "Don't you want-- I can make toast or, or you can put Crofter's on the pancakes. The batter’s almost done."

“No, thank you,” Logan said, just as firmly as he had turned Patton away last night, before he’d gone to see Janus. And he turned and walked away.

“Jeeze,” Virgil said, his face still half-hidden under his hood. “What happened to him?” So Patton told him what had happened the night before.

And when he was done, Virgil had knocked his hood back, angry tears glimmering in his eyes. He rounded on Janus, practically shouting. “That was completely out of line!" Janus was silent. "It wasn't enough to completely shatter Roman's trust in himself, no , you just couldn't handle the insult to your precious pride , could you? God, you're such a jerk. I should drag you down to Roman's room right now and make you apologize, you-- you snake. "

"Virgil!" Patton interrupted, feeling the shards of his broken heart shatter into smaller pieces. "That's not fair."

"Not fair ?" Virgil repeated. He had gone bright red, both his hands clenched into fists. "What's not fair is that Roman's all alone in his room thinking that Thomas doesn't care about him!" He rounded on Janus again, angry tears still sparkling in the corners of his eyes, "It should be you; I wish it was you. You just fucking break things, don't you? You keep trying to tell us you're not the bad guy, so why is it that everything you touch ends up like this, huh? Why can't you just leave us the fuck alone?"

“Enough, Virgil,” Patton said, shooting an apologetic look at Janus. But Janus seemed unperturbed, standing with his arms crossed and a pitying expression on his face, like Virgil had just made a gaffe at a dinner party.

For some reason, that only made Patton feel worse. He was supposed to be their shepherd, the light to unite them and guide them through troubled times, and all he had done recently was cause fights and make people miserable. He would have to try extra hard at Logan’s meeting. They could all be friends again, for Thomas’ sake. They just had to work together.

"Aww," said Patton, desperate to break the chilly silence the only way he knew how. "It's nice to all be together, isn't it?"

He scanned everyone's faces for some trace of happiness, grasping for something, anything. Eye contact, half a smile. Just some hope that he hadn't broken things beyond repair.

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, which was… Well, it was something. It was more than Logan's sickening lack of expression, it was more than Janus' closed-off scowl. Roman made a noise that Patton recognized at once as a choked sob, and continued to stare into middle distance.

Logan had gathered them into a conference room, evidently of his own invention; Patton had certainly never seen it before. Sitting down felt wrong, since they usually had these conversations standing and facing each other, but there wasn't really anywhere to stand. So they all sat in the high-backed leather chairs, spread out around a massive wooden table so varnished and clean that it reflected the fluorescent lights overhead.

Patton, not Logan, sat at the head of it. He hadn't noticed, at first, until they were all seated and everyone had turned to face him. The ensuing case of nerves made his stomach turn. What did it say about him, that he had taken the seat at the head of the table without even thinking? No one else had gone for it… Had Patton trained them all so well, manipulated them into being obedient for him?

Over to Patton's right, Janus planted his elbow right on the lacquered tabletop and rested his chin on his knuckles. "Alright, let's see Paul Allen's card."

From Patton's left, he heard Virgil snicker and clear his throat, but when Patton turned to look, he had gone back to glaring at Janus.

"American Psycho?" Janus continued, evidently unbothered by the lack of response. "No? Tough crowd."

Patton frantically tried to think of an American Psycho quote to answer back with, but he hadn't been paying attention when Thomas had watched the movie. All the blood made him feel queasy, not to mention the drug use and sex.

He was paying for it now, with no way to support Janus. Not that Janus seemed to mind; he was lounging in the stiff leather chair like it was his own personal throne.

"Let's begin," Logan said. He was sitting straight upright in his own chair, all the way down at the other end of the table. He sat across from Roman, the two of them as far from Patton as they could possibly be. "As you all know, Thomas doesn't know what to do in his immediate future. He is currently lying in bed staring at the wall, a behavior which was previously considered unacceptable. The purpose of this meeting is to determine how we should guide Thomas through this… fraught time."

Logan stopped speaking, and what Patton had thought would be a pause stretched out into an awkward silence. "Uh, don't you have any suggestions, Logan?"

"No."

"Well, um. Shouldn't he get up and make breakfast or something?"

"If you feel that is the best course of action, I will write it down." A legal pad and a pen appeared before Logan and he began to write.

"Roman?" Patton said. "Anything? Maybe he could watch Parks and Rec while he eats? Or, uh, something else. Whatever he wants to watch."

"I don't care," Roman said in a hoarse, ragged voice.

"What?" Patton's heart wrenched, and the sensation was painful enough to make him twitch.

"I don't care," Roman repeated. "Whatever you say."

The scratching of Logan's pen seemed to echo in Patton's ears and he swore he could feel a physical weight on his chest. "Wh-whatever I say?" This wasn’t right; they were supposed to contribute… They were supposed to help...

"Oh," Janus' voice cut through the fog. Patton focused on him, the only light in this storm. "You've got to be kidding me." He laughed, all his features lighting up in a parody of mirth. " That was your takeaway from last night? That Patton should be in charge of everything?" He lifted his head and shifted in his seat, bringing up his hands in tandem like an orchestra conductor. "I'd love to know what factored into that decision. Was it the part where he cracked under the pressure you already put on him? Because that makes perfect sense. What do you do when a bridge is collapsing? Put more weight on it, of course! How very logical!"

"And I'm sure you'd prefer it if we all put you in charge?" Virgil snapped. Patton turned his head to look at him, not wanting to be rude, but Virgil didn't seem to notice. He had somehow found space to draw his knees up to his chest and wrap his arms around them. Only his eyes peeked out from behind his legs, and his gaze never wavered from Janus.

" Yes , Virgil, that's my point! Take all that pressure off Patton and put it on me, that's exactly what I want. Congratulations, you uncovered my evil scheme to work myself into a nervous breakdown. I wonder what video game character I'll turn into."

"Like you haven't been aiming for a total takeover this whole time! Patton's probably your next target."

Janus actually laughed at this, which Patton almost couldn't conceive of. How could Janus laugh when Virgil was throwing such terrible accusations at him? They were both being so-- so ugly . The idea that Virgil might be right-- No. Patton couldn't even consider it. He had made the choice to trust Janus and he had to stick with it, right or wrong.

He slammed his palms onto the tabletop, marring its spotless surface with his touch. "Just stop! Stop arguing!" Great, everyone was looking at him now. "I can't be in charge of Thomas all by myself. Please help me."

Roman planted his forearm on the table and buried his face in it. Logan made a note on his legal pad. Patton had never been a violent soul, but for a moment he was nearly overcome by the sudden urge to grab Logan's rollerball and snap it in half.

"Patton," Virgil murmured.

"Just help me," Patton repeated, staring at the smudges his palms had left on the lacquer.

Janus stretched one arm across the table and stole Logan's legal pad and pen. He tore off the first page and began to write, speaking aloud as he did so. "Breakfast. Cereal, something easy. Parks and Rec. He gets three episodes, then he's getting up to brush his teeth, then going for a walk around the neighborhood. With headphones."

"Without," Virgil said. "In case someone tries to sneak up on him and jump him."

Janus paused in his writing and stared at Virgil. Then his gaze flicked to Patton and, to Patton's surprise, he nodded and went back to writing. He was honoring the truce after all. "No headphones." He pursed his lips, as though physically holding back whatever comment he wanted to make. After a moment's pause, he added, "In fact. He's putting his phone on 'do not disturb.'"

"But what if--" Patton blurted before he could stop himself. He covered his mouth with his hand until he noticed Virgil glaring at Janus. He shook his head at Virgil and dropped his hand. "What if someone needs Thomas?"

"And they think he's ignoring them," Virgil added. "And they get mad and stop trusting him."

"Any point on this list is negotiable," Janus said, and Patton had known him long enough to tell that Janus was only setting up the pins for the sake of knocking them down, "but only if your argument is reasonable. Hypotheticals are not reasonable arguments."

"Told you so," Virgil said to Patton. "He wants total control."

Janus slapped the pen down on the table with an unpleasant crack and pushed the legal pad toward Virgil. "Behold! My nefarious agenda."

Before Virgil could move, before Patton himself could be tempted to look, he flipped the legal pad over and slid it back to Janus without reading a single word. "I believe you."

"Patton--" Virgil protested.

"We can work this out like adults," Patton said.

"Well," Logan said frostily, standing up from his chair. "It appears as though you have matters under control without the need for my further involvement." He sank out before Patton could even start thinking of something to say.

Roman lifted his head, revealing tired eyes. At least he hadn't been crying at the table, Patton supposed. "I'm going to go, too," he said, and sank out without another word. The temperature rose noticeably, but remained uncomfortably cold. Poor Roman. It wasn’t often that he got so upset that he lost control of his imagination.

"You next," Virgil said to Janus. "Me 'n' Pat have got this handled. We can do this on our own." He looked expectantly to Patton, gesturing with his head for Patton to dismiss Janus.

Patton sighed. Why was Janus the only one who didn't seem to want something from him? Janus, who Patton even a day prior had suspected of puppeting them toward some bleak apocalypse, was the only one not trying to get him to do anything. Patton almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. Everything was wrong.

"I don't think I can do this," Patton murmured, staring at his palm prints. Even after his colossal screw-up last night, they were all looking to him. He had failed, let them all down. He was the one who had manipulated everyone into seeing him as a good person, a leader, a father . And even after watching him fall, they all still trusted him to make it right.

Everyone except Janus.

Patton never could have guessed that the idea of not being trusted would be so comforting.

"You have to!" Virgil said.

"I know."

"Anytime you want to wrap up this little soap opera," Janus said. He was lounging in his chair looking supremely unbothered, spinning Logan's pen across his gloved fingertips. "We need to decide what Thomas should eat for lunch. He just bought a bag of granola--"

"No!" Patton and Virgil shouted in tandem.

"Don't we have to worry about, like, nutrition or whatever?" Virgil continued, smoothing his hair back.

"Logan would know all about that," Patton said, staring at Logan's empty chair. "I wish…" He let the sentence go unfinished. It didn't matter.

" One day of mindless self indulgence isn't going to kill him," Janus said. "See what I did there?"

"Read the room, dude," Virgil said.

Patton let them bicker for no other reason than that he no longer had the mental energy to tune in. They were only arguing, after all, and he was here if they needed him.

He really hoped they didn't need him. That ugly desire dominated his mind, the sudden, selfish urge to be completely unavailable. It was wrong . It was wrong to be selfish, it was wrong to shut down like this when the others were depending on him.

Suddenly the walls felt like they were closing in. He wished Logan had included some windows or something, some decor. Anything other than this sickening seafoam green paint.

"Thomas can put his phone on 'do not disturb,'" Patton announced. He wasn't sure if Virgil and Janus were even still arguing about that, but they were definitely arguing about something.

"What?" said Virgil. "You're seriously taking his side?"

Janus said nothing, but the splotches of yellow and black in Patton's peripheral vision had gone very, very still.

"Virgil, I need you to understand, I'm not taking anyone's side. It's just that… Well, you heard what happened when I tried to guess the right answers."

"But you're--"

"Fallible," Janus interrupted. "As are we all."

"Except you, right?" Virgil said.

"When have I ever said that?" Janus demanded.

"It's obvious! You don't have to say it. Every time you come waltzing into one of our discussions, you just bring it with you."

Patton sighed and sat back in his chair. He couldn't fix it. Everything he said and did was wrong . Everyone was at odds, and it seemed they all wanted Patton on their side.

He stared at the legal pad and thought, seemingly out of nowhere, of the Judgement of King Solomon. "We'll do it half and half," he said.

"What?" said Janus.

"Virgil decided that Thomas won't listen to music when he goes for a walk. Janus gets to decide whether Thomas puts his phone on 'do not disturb.' Virgil gets the next decision. And so on."

"Fine," Virgil said. "He's going to have salad for lunch."

"And then he's going to take a long shower and sing as loud as he wants without worrying if anyone can hear him."

"Fine, but then he's going to watch true crime videos and start working on a strategy for what he would do if he ever ends up getting interrogated by the police."

"He's watching cat videos afterward to cheer himself up."

Patton sighed, seeing that they had forgotten about the legal pad, and started writing.

The plan they settled on was a lazy one. If Thomas stuck to it, he would ultimately accomplish nothing with his day. But Logan wasn't there and Roman wasn't there, and Patton barely had the will to advocate for himself . He just wasn't strong enough.

He wondered, briefly, if there was some way he could split himself up, and give a little bit of support to Roman, to Logan, to Virgil. They really seemed to need it, and it had to be hurting them that Patton wasn't there. And the rest of him, whatever was left, could seek comfort in Janus and his total lack of expectations. What else was he supposed to do?

"That's a wrap," Janus said, pulling Patton out of his morbid fantasies.

"Good job, you two," Patton said, and the praise sounded hollow even to his own ears. "Great teamwork."

"Don't get used to it," Virgil said.

Janus stood, sending his chair rolling back until it bounced off the wall. "I'll be going, then. Virgil, it was a pleasure ."

"Wait!" Patton yelped, suddenly panicked. "I wanted-- I…" He faltered and looked at Virgil, who was watching them closely. "I want to talk to you."

"I'm not gonna leave you alone with him," Virgil said, and Patton wasn't sure whether Virgil was addressing him or Janus.

"It's okay, Virgil," Patton said.

Virgil shook his head, and Patton's heart dropped when he noticed that Virgil was shaking a little, his breaths coming shallow (but thankfully, even). "It's not okay. He's dangerous, and I… I couldn't protect Roman. I couldn't protect Logan. I can't let him get you, too."

Patton thanked all the stars in the sky that Janus had the good sense to keep his mouth shut and not wind Virgil up when he was clearly upset. "It's okay, kiddo. That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. And… I know you don't trust Janus, but I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

"I-- I guess so." Virgil bit his lip, looking like he wanted to say something else. He dropped his voice to a murmur, so much that Patton had to lean in to be able to hear him. "I just want to help. I spent so long causing problems; I just want--" he sighed "--to be good."

"You are good, kiddo," Patton said, reaching out slowly. Virgil didn't flinch or shake his head, so Patton put his hand on Virgil's knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. "But if you really want to help out, maybe you can go try to cheer up Roman? I haven't had much luck with him, but he might listen to you."

Virgil nodded. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? I'm never gonna forgive myself if Janus hurts you."

"Ah, your ol' pop star will be just fine," Patton said. "Better than fine! I'll be gay-OK."

Virgil didn't smile, exactly, but the corners of his eyes crinkled a little and that was good enough for Patton. "Alright. I trust you." With one final dirty look over Patton's shoulder, he stood and sank out.

Patton turned around slowly, suddenly nervous. Part of him knew it didn't make sense. Logan had created this space; he and Janus were on neutral ground here.

"Parley?" Janus asked from the far end of the table. He had summoned up a chessboard and was evidently playing a game against himself.

"If we're gonna parley, should we do it in a par- lor ?" Patton joked, chuckling weakly.

Janus' smile was crooked and Patton couldn't tell if it was sincere. "You're absolutely right." He vanished the chessboard with a wave of his hand and stood up. "Follow me."

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #moceit #spicywrites #spicywrites intertwined

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siriuslyshewrote · 4 years

Text

no one wants to dance anymore - f.s

Platonic! Finn Shelby x Shelby!Sister , Isaiah Jesus x Shelby!Sister

Warnings - swearing, talking of maternal death, talk of drug use, and verbal abuse

A/N - Finn and YN are probably 16/17 in this one

Word Count - 2,965

4:17 AM , Christmas Eve, 1925

The Shelby house was never quiet, had never been quiet , not since Rosalie Shelby had her children - Arthur, then Tommy, then the others. It had always been a house of chaos and mayhem, one of arguments and yells, of tears and makeups.

But in all the time the Shelby family had been alive, they had never heard an argument like this.

The Shelby twins - Finn and Y/N - had been practically attatched at the hip since birth, and since then, they'd barely ever argued , only frustrated snipes every once in a while. They were sixteen now, at that age where they frustrated Polly to no end , by constantly sneaking out and going drinking and smoking at the Garrison, though she never worried about them, not really - what reason did she have to be worried? They had each other's backs. And so, Polly was surprised, and none too happy, to be woken up in the early hours of Christmas Eve morn, by angered yells and screams downstairs. She could hear a babies cries too - probably John's newborn, woken up by the noise. It was typical, for this to happen, when all the siblings and their families were crowded into the terraced house they grew up in, a tradition for the family on Christmas Eve and Day.

******************************************************

"You are a fucking hypocrite Finn Shelby!" You hissed loudly, as he leant against the doorframe, that arrogant smirk on his face, though you knew well it was just a front for his anger. "Always bitching about Tommy's drug use and fucking Arthur's and Johnny's and then you do this?! Actually, less of a hypocrite and more of a down right arsehole!" Your voice raised on the last word, as you threw up your hands in frustration.

You'd always hated drugs, ever since you were a small child. You'd grown up around drug use - first your Pa, then, when the war was over, your brothers became enthralled in it too - the way it helped them forget the horrors they had seen. To you though , the person who had never seen the horrors, all you saw was the people you loved falling apart in front of your very eyes. You and Finn had made a pact when you could have only be ten or eleven, to never be like them. Not in that way. And here was Finn - half high off his mind on snow, but coming down from it very fast.

"I'm the arsehole?" His voice was louder than yours, more fuelled by alcohol and drugs, and you were certain you would wake up your family soon, but you were so angry you couldn't care less. "You are the one who shagged my best friend!"

Ah yes. The reason all of this began. You had been so upset, when you saw your brother at the Garrison a few hours ago - high off his head, that you turned to the only person who was there to comfort you at the time. Isaiah.

"I did not shag him! I fucking kissed him!"

"Same fucking betrayal!"

"Betrayal?! What world are you living in! He's my friend too!"

You were both yelling now, and you knew everyone would be awake at this point.

"Friend? Friend? I don't know about you , Y/N, but I don't regularly go around snogging-"

"I was fucking upset- you promised me Finn! We made a fucking pact! Though I guess I - that doesn't mean anything to you anymore!"

"Stop being so bloody immature! We're not kids anymore, I can do what I want!"

"Oh I forgot, big Finn Shelby, always trying to follow in his brothers footsteps! Well guess what Finn, you're not them! You're still a fucking kid." You spat angrily.

"I'm a kid?! You're the one who ran off to snog Isaiah as a form of petty bloody revenge-"

"I did not!"

"Yes you did! Because that's what you always do! You bloody manipulate people into hurting because you know what will hurt them the fucking most! And that's what you did with me tonight!"

Your eyes widened at this, as you recoiled, and angry tears welled at your eyes, though you refused to let them fall. Finn was always the sibling that was calmer and laid back. It was why you never usually argued. Anything you said usually washed right over his head. You supposed that sometimes you abused that a little.

"At least I have the ability to process my emotions, and don't just fucking hide them because I want to act the big man in front of my brothers! When are you going to see that you're not a proper fucking Peaky Blinder! You-" You almost screeched.

"Enough!" You heard a bellow, and froze slightly. The wrath of your Aunt Polly was enough to sober you both up practically instantly, though Finn still hadn't managed to stand up straight. "You are both children! Christmas bloody Eve and you wake us up like this!"

You turned round, to see Aunt Polly on the stairs, her arms crossed , lips pursed. The look she gave was enough for you to feel like a five year old again, who had just been caught playing with her makeup. The majority of the rest of your family also stood around on the stairs , half looking amused, half looking pissed off and tired. You felt your cheeks burn. All you ever wanted to do was impress your siblings. You had a feeling this wasn't the way to do it.

"Tell him that-"

"Tell her that-"

You both spat at the same time, glaring at each other, fists clenched, your jaws set in exactly the same way. You hated arguing with any of your family, but you, though you rarely showed it, had a temper just like Arthur when you got going, and both of you knew exactly how to hurt the other - you just rarely tried to. It was how you were both so upset right now.

"I said enough! If you can't use your bloody inside voices then don't come inside!"

"Fine by me." Finn muttered, turning and slamming out of the front door, so hard the window pane trembled. You knew then, that he was upset. If he was truly, really, angry, then he'd stay and yell some more. He left because he didn't want anyone to see him as weak. And that made your lip wobble a tiny amount.

"You do not get the last word, Finn Shelby!" You yelled, suddenly well aware how childish you were. But you couldn't stop, as you too, pulled open the front door, and saw him halfway down the street, the dawn light making it just possible to see him.

You stormed off in the opposite direction, to where you always went when you felt like this.

You went to see your mum.

*************************************************

It took, on average, around thirty or forty minutes for you to walk to the graveyard where they had buried Rosalie Shelby. You were too little to remember much - barely six when she passed, but you knew that your family didn't settle on nothing short of perfect for your mother. By that time, your father had already walked out, and your siblings had searched and searched for the perfect place to bury her. She didn't like to feel trapped when she was alive, Johnny had told you. And so, they buried her on the outskirts of Small Heath, on a hill surrounded by wildflowers, that had fuzzy bees fly around them in the summer, and tiny dormice. You loved coming here as a kid, not really understanding what it was - to you it just felt like a day in the countryside, which was rare. You still came often, to talk to her, when you were upset , or angry, or just felt something close to missing her . You knew she couldn't hear you, but some part of you yearned for it. For her to be able to speak back.

"Hey, Mum." You spoke softly, sitting down on the cold, damp, earth, limbs aching from your walk. By now, the sky was almost fully light. Your fingers touched the grave in a sort of greeting.

"I'm scared, Mum. I'm scared for Finn." You swallowed, leaning back on your palms, glancing up at the purple- pink dawn sky. Unfortunately for your baby nieces and nephews, it didn't look like it was going to snow in time for Christmas.

"He's never been like this with me. We're supposed to be a team, you know? But it's like, everyday he's drifting further and further away. I don't want him to, Mum. He's my best friend before my brother, and I'm losing him. I know I am. I just don't know how to stop it."

Your voice kept cracking, and suddenly, salty tears were dripping down your face, falling into the soil. There were several bouquets around the grave, and you weren't surprised. Your family all visited this time of year. Being here , in this place, it was your sanctuary, and it was rare that you would cry anywhere else. You pent up emotions until you felt like you would burst, and then you'd walk here.

"I miss you." You murmured. "In the best way I can. Because how can I miss someone I barely knew? You left us before I got to know your mannerisms like Ada and all the others do. They sometimes sit around and tell stories about you, and I just sit there, because they're just talking about a stranger, to me."

You paused for another few moments.

"Sometimes, I wonder, if you'd stayed, if everything would have been easier. If Tommy would be happier more, if Arth would be less angry all the time, if John would be-"

"Thought I'd find you here."

You turned round, having got a fright, to see your closest brother - John, standing, no longer wearing his pyjamas, but the suits you were used to seeing him wear. His cap was held between his hands, and for once, no cigarette dangled from his lips.

Quickly, you tried to wipe away your tear tracks, as he sat down beside you, the same cross legged position you were in.

"Come on, Squirrel. Don't cry, eh?" He said softly, wrapping an arm around you tightly, and you leaned into him.

The nickname your siblings had given you (on account of you often 'running away' from home as a child, and usually being found halfway up a tree, along with the fact that you used to have a habit of hiding food all around the Shelby home) almost brought a smile to your face.

"Is Finn..."

"Ada's gone after him. You know she's better with him."

You sniffed, nodding.

"I'm sorry. I know I was a dick to him again."

He nodded a little. "Yeah, you were. He was a bit of a twat too, to be fair."

"I know Pol says we're just growing up, but.." You swallowed. "I don't want to grow up if it means I lose my best friend, Johnny."

"You're not, Y/N."

"He's never spoke to me like that before. He's doing fucking snow John. And I know that isn't a big deal to you lot. But it is to me. And he just doesn't give a shit."

He was silent for a few minutes.

"C'mon, he does care. He's just..."

"I just... I never thought Finn would end up like..."

"Us?" John's voice was calm, if not a little hurt.

You swallowed. "No. Like Pa. You think I can't remember, but I do. I remember when he used to scream and shout and break things, and I remember when you hid me and Finn and Ada in the cupboard all those times, so we didn't have to deal with it. The way Finn screamed today... I don't know. It just took me back."

His arm squeezed tighter around you, and you felt how much more tense he was. You knew it hurt him far more than it hurt you.

"Why didn't you ever tell us you could remember?"

You shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I can remember much anyway. It's like with Mum. I can remember tidbits. Just not enough. Not like you all can."

"I wish you could remember her properly." He said wistfully. "Then again, maybe not. We loved her, you know, course we did. But one minute she was great, and the next she was just ... gone. Vacant. I know she wasn't well. It just hurt."

You'd never heard John really open up about your parents. He usually listened, but you found yourself liking this more.

"I feel like I can't miss her properly. Because I didn't know her."

"You can still miss her, Squirrel. Maybe it isn't the same type of missing as the rest of us, but you can still miss her just as much."

You shot him a small smile.

"Thanks Johnny." You said quietly.

You sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I really like Isa, Johnny. I didn't just do it to hurt Finn."

He didn't sound shocked. "Yeah, well, we all saw that coming from miles away." He snorted, humorously.

You laughed a little. "I guess it was a bit obvious."

"Really? You going beet red and leaving the room every time you saw him? Never." He quipped sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to hurt Finn. Well... maybe a little. I just want him to be okay, Johnny. I was just lashing out."

"He will be."

"How can you know?"

"Cause I know our Finn. And you do too."

You sighed.

"You've got to let him live, Y/N. I know you don't agree with it, and you should know none of us do either. But he has to realise some things himself."

You paused for a few seconds. Then you burst into snorting laughter.

"What?" He looked at you with a confused smile.

"Jesus... Christ ... Johnny. You sound just like... fucking ... Linda." You laughed.

He playfully jabbed you.

"Take that back, right fucking now." He grinned.

"You'll be spouting about God next." You joked.

He laughed. "The day I turn into Linda is the day I want you to shoot me."

"Don't you worry, John, I will." You snorted again.

"You coming home, then?" He asked, standing up, and it was only then that you noticed the flowers in his hands - fresh ones that he must have brought. He placed them down, next to other ones.

"Yeah." You said quietly, and he pulled you up by your hand, as you dusted mud off your skirts.

"See you, Mum." He said quietly, turning, and walking slowly away, giving you a few seconds.

"Bye, Mum. Merry Christmas." You placed a gentle kiss on her headstone, before running after your brother.

*************************************************

You’d only just warmed up, when John stopped the car. He, being the cleverer of the two of you, had elected to drive to the cemetery instead of walking thirty minutes in the freezing cold.

You raised a questioning eyebrow, as you saw where he had parked the car - near the part of the Cut that was surrounded by high grasses and small trees - the only part of Small Heath that was remotely like the countryside.

"Go and speak to him." He said, firmly, though encouragingly.

You sighed a little, mock rolling your eyes, though you knew you had to. You closed the door behind you, as you hopped out, leaning back through the window for a second.

"You better wait for us, I'm not bloody walking home in this cold." You grinned, before turning away.

Just like you had your safe place, so did Finn- and it was here. He had told you once, that one of his only memories of your mother was her bringing you both down here as toddlers - just you two - and sitting reading to you in the grasses. He'd later confided in you that he wasn't quite sure if it was real or imaginary, to which you told him you couldn't be so sure about any of your memories either. The place had a dark tinge to you, considering what happened to your mother, but you couldn't blame him for liking it here. After all , your safe place was a grave yard. Who were you to judge?

Finn was sat, legs almost dangling in the river, next to Ada . They looked like they were sat in silence, and so, you thought it was alright to approach. Ada turned as you walked, giving you a small smile, then standing up, and walking past you back to the car. She squeezed your cold hand as she walked past.

"He's calmed down." She murmured. "I hope you have too."

Awkward was never an emotion you had felt with your twin before, but now it was one that overwhelmed you. You didn't know how to speak.

"I'm sorry." You blurted at the both time, as you flopped down to sit next to him.

He sighed. "I'm a dick. You were just trying to look out for me-"

"I wasn't going about it the right way. You’re right. I was being petty.”

“I know you like Isaiah.” He said quietly. He didn’t sound particularly mad. “I’ve known for a while.”

“I still shouldn’t have done it. No matter how upset I was. Because you’re right. A little bit of it was to hurt you.”

He shrugged. “I hurt you too.” He sighed. “Look. I don’t want to ever be like that again. It doesn’t matter what I was on or...” He rubbed a hand over his face. “We’re supposed to look after each other.”

“I don’t wanna grow apart.” You mumbled.

He laughed a little. “Come on. We’re twins. We’re never gonna lose each other.”

You smiled, holding up a pinkie.

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise, Squirrel.”

#finn shelby #finn shelby imagines #finne shelby x reader #finn shelby headcanons #john shelby imagines #john shelby x reader #john shelby #john shelby headcanons #peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders #shelby imagine #shelby sister #shelby sister x isaiah #shelby family

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zhanghaos-hairclips · 3 years

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36:5 || 04

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04 - Lost

It's finally the day of the party, and you've just worked up the courage to confess, but will everything go to plan?

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I arrived at the party a little early with Soonyoung and his friend Jihoon, who I'd never met before, but who seemed nice enough from the brief conversation I managed to have with him. Soon after we arrived, he excused himself to take over some snacks to the snack table, and then it was just me, Soonyoung and several bags of presents. Being at Vernon's apartment was a little overwhelming, mostly because I'd never been but also because of how big it was. Part of me had been expecting a small, cosy apartment with an old rug, but this was something else. Right in the corner of the living room was a pretty tree decorated with multi-coloured tinsel and sparkly ornaments, and underneath it were more presents than I'd ever seen in my lifetime. It was like a child's dream seeing so many gifts sitting there, so much so that, for a moment, the child within me forgot how to function properly.

The rest of the apartment was decorated with sparkly decorations, too. Gold and silver streamers hung from the ceiling, and various ornaments - santas, elves, reindeer and snowmen were dotted around on almost every surface. It would have been excessive, having so many decorations anywhere, if they didn't look so pretty. Soonyoung nudged me in my side, chuckling to himself at my reaction to Vernon's apartment. I snapped out of my thoughts as he slung his arm around my shoulder. "We should put our presents down by the others. You're gonna have all night to stare at the decorations." He suggested, pinching my cheek. I scrunched my nose up at him and he laughed, removing his arm and walking over to the tree. I followed behind him just as Vernon popped out of nowhere.

"Hey you two, y/n it's great to finally meet you in person! Lovely sweater by the way." He greeted us, giggling at our ugly sweaters and pulling us in for a hug. "Whatcha got there. All for me, hmm?" He teased, trying to peak in the bags. Soonyoung swatted him away and I watched the two of them, smiling at their cute friendship. They truly were like brothers, just as I was told.

After putting the presents under the tree, me and Soonyoung decided to see what everyone else was doing. There weren't that many of us there, since Vernon didn't want to have to clean up too much mess, so there were a few small groups doing different things. A few of Vernon and Soonyoung's friends hovered close to the snack table, including Jihoon, some more were playing random drinking games and the rest were having some sort of comedic dance-off.

It didn't take too long for me and Soonyoung to get separated as I drifted in and out of the groups, not really knowing anyone except a few faces. At first, he went over to slay the others at the dance-off, which had somehow turned into a karaoke competition after a few rounds. I watched him for a bit before deciding to watch the drinking game group. At some point Vernon must have told them to slow down, as they were now playing regular games. Jeonghan, one of the few faces there I actually knew, turned to me and invited me to join. The rest were happy enough to let me play, and soon the friendly competition helped me loosen up around the group of strangers. Every so often, Soonyoung would come over and offer me snacks or drinks, and sometimes the boys would tease us about it. It was easy enough to laugh off, though, it being a topic we'd talked about before and agreed there was nothing there besides a solid friendship.

And that's how my night continued until about half ten, at which point most of the game squad had left to get food or do something else. I looked over at the karaoke group, which had gained more "competitors". I noticed my crush among them, who was so into the song he was singing, belting the words out whilst dancing energetically, that he burst into a fit of laughter when his voice cracked. I smiled fondly. Even above the music, above the chatter, and even above my racing heart, his laugh rang out like my favourite Christmas song. I knew I was in way too deep for someone who had only met him a few times. It wasn't just the times we'd seen each other, though. It was the dumb stories Soonyoung told me about him late at night and the random quotes he or Vernon had texted me throughout the day. Those were the things that made my heart swell with affection.

Finally, I found the two of them again, sat in the kitchen with drinks in their hands. "Hey you two, trying to get a breather from the chaos out there?" I asked, grinning at them, leaning against one of the counters. Vernon nodded, adding how he was tired from cheering on the karaoke team most of the night. I chuckled to myself, remembering the sound of my crush's laugh not long before. The two of them let out teasing 'ooh's at me, my face heating up when I realised why.

"Tonight would be a great time to confess, you know. I could always sneak up to you guys and hold up some mistletoe if you can't wait until midnight." Vernon teased, wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes. Did I really have the guts to confess to him? "No, really, tonight is great. You literally have a perfect excuse to kiss him. Take it, please. For both of-" his eyes widened "Us." He croaked, his voice higher pitched than normal. I chewed my lip. Was it a good idea? I mean.. if it went wrong I could always play it off with "no no I just wanted that kiss y'know I don't like you like that pffft what".. right?

And like that, I decided that's what I would do. I sat anxiously throughout the belated Christmas present opening, eyes constantly flickering up to check the time. It was 11pm, and the presents were nearly all opened, yet it felt like there were still loads left. And then it was 11:50pm and finally the last present was unwrapped. I barely had chance to pay attention to what gifts people got each other. In my head, all I could think about was what was going to happen at midnight. I briefly met eyes with the man on my mind, smiling shyly over at him as he did the same, the thought of kissing him in a few minutes making my head go fuzzy.

With a few minutes to spare until midnight, all of us poured out onto the balcony. I tried to look for a certain someone amongst the small crowd, but somehow he seemed to have disappeared. I wanted to scream. I had to find him soon, or I'd never get that new years kiss. In the midst of looking for him, I felt someone tap my shoulder. "Hey y/n, looking forward to the new year?" They asked. I turned my head, seeing Jeonghan standing there with a shy grin on his face. I returned his smile, growing nervous. I nodded, unable to speak.

"10!" No, I'm not ready just yet.

"9!" I can't do this.

"8!" I need some more time.

"7!" One of the boys bumped into me, whispering an apology.

"6!" Please..

"5!" I felt Jeonghan's gaze on me.

"4!" Give me a few more seconds.

"3!" There's no time.

"2!" Someone tapped my shoulder again.

"1!" I turned to look at Jeonghan.

Midnight. He leaned down, capturing my lips in the gentlest kiss I'd ever had.

And I hated it, because I wanted to run away. I couldn't find him, I couldn't find my crush and now I was being kissed by someone else. Someone who was lovely, and was by no means a bad kisser, but who wasn't him. What was I supposed to do? My mind glazed over and my body stood still. I needed to push him away but I didn't want to upset him, yet I couldn't lead him on either. But before I could work out what to do, he was pulling away and midnight had come and gone. I could hear him giggling excitedly to himself as he pulled me in for a hug. As my mind started to emerge from its daze, I looked up at the others and the first face I saw was his. Standing there right at the front was Seungkwan, eyes glossy and the colour drained from his face. I saw him swallow the lump in his throat and close his eyes, eyebrows knitting together. I wanted to reach out to him and go after him to explain, but I was still being held by Jeonghan. Seungkwan turned away, head down, and weaved his way through the small crowd.

Vernon looked between his friend and me, worry etched into his face. He covered his face with his hands, disappointed. After what felt like an eternity, Jeonghan let me go, and like a missile I was off, brain no longer caring what he'd think of me running away like that. Suddenly the party didn't feel like a party anymore. I stared at Seungkwan's back as he hunched over a table. If only I could have found him before the countdown. I wanted to explain, but I was scared that my words wouldn't come out right and all I wanted to do was leave.

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#seventeen angst #seventeen fanfic #seventeen text fic #seventeen texts #seventeen social media fic #part 4 #angst time :(#@ my friends dont call me out ssh

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i-run-with-a-wolfpack · 4 years

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Twilight fanfiction/ Embry Call x OC/ mature rating/will be a short one but more than 1 part

Can't Help But Wait 1 - The Start of It All

"Hey."

Startled, I dropped the handful of books in my hand and gasped. "You scared me," I laughed as he walked around me, crouched down and began picking them up.

"Sorry."

I held my hand to my chest and watched as he stood slowly, giving me a small smile and handing me the dropped books. His fingers brushed mine and I felt it. There was an unmistakable attraction between me and him.

Embry Call.

I nervously smiled and returned to my task. He watched me for a moment before retreating to his favorite corner to read. My stomach was buzzing at the thought of him in such a close proximity. Until I remembered he wasn't available. Still I found my way to his corner, pretending to dust the shelves and hoping he'd talk to me again.

For the last several months, Embry had come to the bookstore everyday. He didn't say much, but the way he looked at me. Wow. No one had ever looked at me as intensely as he had that day. I felt so drawn to him.

Embry was quiet and thoughtful, spending his lunch hour, sitting near a window and reading. He was like my dream man. If only he didn't have a girlfriend. I hadn't seen him in days. I was a little embarrassed to admit that I had missed his daily presence, especially since we had barely talked.

I knew he was 20 and employed full time working with Paul and Jared doing construction. He usually came in dirty or shirtless or both. I often had to remind him to get his shirt back on since it violated the store policy of no shirt, no shoes, no service.

What a stupid rule.

Paul and Jared were a little older, both married to girls from the rez. I had a cousin who lived there and since it was such a small community, she knew all the gossip. That was also how I found out that Embry had a girlfriend.

"Hungry?"

I stood near him, offering him half of my sandwich. I tried not to sigh when he smiled up at me. "You shouldn't have." Embry hesitated for a moment before reaching for the food, our fingers touching for the briefest of moments.

I was about to walk away when I heard his melodic voice utter, "Will you join me?"

Internally, I did a happy dance before I remembered the girlfriend. Damn. "I don't know…" I shrugged as I turned to face him.

He patted the arm chair across from his. "Please?"

How can I say no to that?

"You're really funny," Embry commented later after I had told him a story about one of our more eccentric customers. This was one of the longest conversations I had ever had with Embry and I was loving every second of it.

As we sat and talked about everything from work to books to the weather, I couldn't help but think, this guy is so perfect for me. I loved the way his intense, dark eyes held my gaze. I noticed the way his attention would drift from my eyes to my mouth and back again. It almost seemed like he wanted to kiss me. Almost.

I jumped when someone tapped on the window and my head jerked toward the sound of voices outside on the sidewalk. Embry groaned when Paul tapped his wrist and gave him a stern look. The other guys with Paul were eyeing me up and down. One of them was even making kissy faces, obviously trying to embarrass poor Embry.

I burst out laughing when one of them, Jared, I think, was pressing his back against the glass with his hands around his neck, making it look like he was being kissed by someone. "Your friends are really mature," I scoffed.

Embry stood and sighed. "I use the term 'friends' loosely."

I laughed in response, but my smile faded when he held his hand out to me. I locked eyes with him as my hand slid into his. He pulled gently, but I still ended up in his arms. "I'm so sorry," I sputtered nervously.

Embry laughed as he put a little distance between us. "Sometimes I forget how strong I am."

I blinked quickly up at him, suddenly aware of his sinewy arms and how they expertly held me. His touch was feather light as his arms encircled my waist. He smelled amazing. It was a combination of the outdoors, fresh cut pine, and a manly cologne smell. It wasn't overpowering, just enough to catch my attention and make me wish I could sniff his skin.

Oh wow. I really have a problem.

I stepped out of his hold, shrinking away from him as I suddenly felt very guilty. "You have a girlfriend, don't you?" I blurted suddenly.

Embry looked at me as though I had slapped him. He shook his head and made his way to the cash register. When he plopped down the book he always read, I glanced up in confusion. "You want to buy this?"

"It's a bookstore, isn't it?" he snipped at me.

I sighed and nodded, angry with myself for whatever I did to upset him. I rang up the book and watched as he threw down a twenty. I handed Embry his change, cupping his hand with both of mine. "I didn't mean to make you mad. Someone told me you were involved so…"

"You think I'm a cheater, Nicolle? That's the type of guy I seem like to you?" he huffed impatiently as the front door was yanked open by his friends.

I opened my mouth to retort, but he was gone before I could speak. I looked down at the book in my hands and immediately darted to the front door to catch him. "You forgot your book!" I called down the street.

He hopped into the bed of Paul's work truck and as it sped by, he yelled, "It's for you!"

I looked down at the book and then back at him as the truck careened around the corner and out of sight. I slunk back into the store, just staring at the book I had seen Embry reading on his lunch hour for months now.

Waiting - A Book of Romantic Poetry

I never realized this was what he had been reading. And why did he buy it for me?

As the rest of my shift passed slowly by, I opened my precious gift to read the first page. Instead I found that someone had written a note inside.

N -

I know you can't understand what you feel for me. I barely understand it myself. For months, I've sat in this store just to be near you. I can't explain to you why. I know you would never understand. But I need to be near you.

Please know that I can't help but wait until the day I can share my secrets with you and we can finally be together. It's all I dream about.

Love, E

I swallowed thickly as I reread the note a few more times. Why? What is he waiting for? Why couldn't he just ask me out? And why did he get so upset when I mentioned his girlfriend? I was so confused.

With my mind on Embry and his cryptic note, I finished my closing procedures and was beginning to lose hope that I would ever see him again. He was so angry when he stormed out that I just prayed I'd get the chance to straighten things out with him. His note had me more intrigued than ever.

With my back to the front door, I heard it open and cringed, knowing I should have locked it first thing. "I'm sorry, we're closed!" I called out as I swung around to see who had entered the store after closing.

My breath caught in my throat when I found a pair of bloodshot eyes staring back at me. "We're closed," I repeated, silently hoping this boy was just here by accident.

He glanced around quickly, his movements jerky and nervous. "You alone?" he croaked.

I swallowed thickly and shook my head. "My boss," I lied, "is in the back room."

He glanced in that direction and I noticed his disheveled appearance, dirty hair, and the unmistakable sign of needle marks on his arm. A junkie. He could barely focus on one thing before his head and gaze would bounce around. "You're lying," he spat. "You've been the only one here all day."

"You've been watching me?" I squeaked.

He smiled with his yellow crooked teeth and I shuddered because he didn't look scared anymore. He wanted something. I just prayed it wasn't me. Before I could ask, he produced a long hunting knife from his back pocket and pointed it at me. "I need money," he demanded.

I swallowed thickly and nodded. I knew I was in danger. Forks didn't have a huge problem with drug use but having worked downtown, I'd seen enough panhandlers to know it was an issue. He was obviously desperate for his next fix. He scratched at his skin with one hand and waved the knife around with the other. "Did you fucking hear me?" he spat. "The money! I know you have it!"

I began to move around the counter to retrieve the bank bag from under the counter when the boy advanced on me. "Where are you going?"

"It's behind the counter," I replied shakily. "Just let me go get it."

When I moved again, he reached for my arm and squeezed hard. "Don't try anything. You hear me?"

I nodded again, my eyes never leaving the enormous, jagged edge being brandished my way. He let go but followed me as I rounded the corner and dug the bag out of the drawer we kept it in. "Here," I choked out as I shoved it in his direction. I prayed he would just take it and leave me alone.

He smiled devilishly as he unzipped the bag and sifted through it. When he returned his gaze to me, I froze. I took a careful step back when he moved toward me. Now my back was pressed to the side counter and I had nowhere else to go. When he raised that sharp knife and pressed it to the center of my chest, I resisted the urge to scream.

"You're really pretty," he sneered.

I could feel the nausea beginning to take over. I just wanted him to leave. "You got your money...can't you just go?" I argued in a voice that betrayed how scared I really was.

He leaned forward, his face only inches from mine. "I'll go when I'm ready," he challenged me angrily.

When he lowered his gaze to the front of my shirt and began dragging the knife up to tear my clothing, I squeezed my eyes shut. "Look at me," he urged in a growly voice that made my skin crawl.

I couldn't stand to see that look in his eye. I didn't want that to be the last thing I ever laid eyes on. "Please don't," I begged when I felt the pull of the knife against my shirt, occasionally hitting my skin.

I could feel my shirt falling open and the unmistakable feeling of blood dripping from the cuts. "Look at me!" he demanded again.

I whimpered in response to his harsh tone. When I leaned away from him he grabbed the back of my head and hissed in my ear, "We're gonna have some fun now."

"Hey."

My eyes snapped open to find we weren't alone. I stared back at the beautiful eyes I had seen in my dreams the past few months. My stomach clenched in fear when I realized he could be in danger too. Before I could tell Embry to go, my captor swung around and swiped at Embry, causing me to shriek out in fear.

Embry jumped back quickly but not before the tip of the knife cut across his stomach and tore his t-shirt open. The Iittle bastard chuckled at the sight of Embry's spilt blood. Consumed with anger, I shoved the boy from behind, gasping when he turned the knife back to me.

Embry seized the opportunity to put him in a headlock and grab the wrist that held the knife. "Look out!" I cautioned as they struggled and the knife swiped the air. Embry tightened his hold and I watched as the intruder gasped for air until his eyes went dark.

When he landed in a heap on the floor, my hero rushed forward and gathered me up in his arms. His eyes quickly scanned me, zeroing in on the cut on my chest. He scooped me into his arms and climbed over the trash on the floor. "It's gonna be okay," he murmured into my hair over and over.

I threw my arms around his neck and sucked in a deep breath. He tightened his hold on me and when I opened my eyes, I found the robber was coming back for more. The door swung open and I heard a voice call out, "Embry! What's the hold up?"

Embry fell to his knees with me in his arms and that's when I saw the jagged blade had sunk deep between his shoulder blades. The junkie pulled it right back out and chuckled maniacally. "Now what, hero?" he taunted.

I cupped Embry's face in my hand and felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I looked up to see Paul kneeling in front of us. "Take her," Embry growled. "Get her outta here."

I whined in protest when Paul pulled me from Embry's grasp and swiftly carried me to the front door. I turned my head to see Embry lunge at the monster, tackling him to the ground. Paul yanked his truck door open and carefully set me on the passenger seat. His eyes widened when he saw the cut on my chest. He pulled a rag from his back pocket and held it to the wound as I watched him.

"Please go help him," I begged. "Embry needs your help."

Paul glanced back through the front window and chuckled. "He's fine. Embry doesn't look like it, but he's quite the scrapper," Paul joked.

I furrowed my brow and gathered the front of Paul's t-shirt in my fist. "This isn't the time for jokes! What if he kills Embry?" I cried.

Paul looked hard at me and scoffed. He gestured to the cut on my chest and shook his head. When he leaned in close to me, I locked eyes on him and listened to his words. "That guy hurt you, Nicolle. He'll be lucky if he walks out of that store alive."

I shifted my gaze to the store to find Embry straddling the junkie and pounding his face over and over. "You're right. Please stop him," I gasped. "I don't want Embry to go to jail over this!"

Paul glanced between me and Embry, finally sprinting back into the store and yanking his friend off the drug addict currently looking unconscious on the floor.

The next few minutes went by in a haze. I heard the sirens from an ambulance and police car. Officers dashed past me and stormed into the store as Paul pulled Embry away. A gurney was dragged through the doorway and I watched the beaten boy on the floor begin to receive medical treatment.

He wasn't dead and I was relieved. He had scared me and hurt me but I couldn't bear the thought of Embry going to jail for it.

I could see the gurney being pushed out and his battered body strapped down. His eyes were fluttering open so I assumed he was still conscious. He even gave me a sickly smile and I turned my nose up in disgust.

The next thing I noticed was Paul's voice as the officers led him out of the store and straight up to me. He was arguing with the police and suddenly I realized why. He was in handcuffs, just like Embry. "Stop!" I shouted. "You arrested the wrong guys!"

I explained to the officers that if it weren't for Embry, I didn't know what could have happened. But all they wanted to focus on was the fact that Embry had beaten the young junkie to a pulp. "He stole the deposit!" I declared. "He put the bag in the back of his pants."

An officer jogged over to the ambulance and checked the 'victim' to find I was right. He produced the bag and checked the contents. "Please let these guys go. I swear they saved me from him. He could've killed me with that knife he had."

After they saw my knife wound and Embry's cut open shirt, as well as discovering the large weapon behind the counter, they seemed to finally come to the conclusion that these Quileute boys were my heroes and agreed to let them go. The officers insisted on driving us to the hospital to be checked out since we obviously weren't riding with the criminal. I was happy to see that they had at least handcuffed the junkie to the gurney before speeding off.

Embry and I settled into the backseat together and after a few moments, he scooted close to me and pulled me to his chest. I tried not to cry as he crushed me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, Nicolle. I should've been there sooner. I'm sorry you got hurt," he whispered into my hair.

"I'm fine," I sniffled. "It's just a scratch, I swear."

Embry cupped my chin and tilted my head up. "He didn't...you know...touch you, did he?"

I blinked back my unshed tears and forced a smile up to his weary face. "He didn't get the chance. You got there just in time and...you...saved me."

He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, pulling me back to his chest and cradling me in his arms. "I almost lost you," he breathed.

I slid my hands around his waist, smoothing my fingers under his shirt when I realized I couldn't feel the gash on his stomach. I peeled back his shirt, that was torn and bloody, only to find no cut, no mark, no stab wound.

"Embry?" I gazed up at him with questions in my eyes. "I don't understand." I felt around on his back where I knew for certain that the knife had been plunged in and there was nothing.

"I saw you get stabbed," I gasped.

Embry's jaw tensed and he shook his head. "I'm fine," he insisted. When I furrowed my brow in confusion, he scoffed. "Just drop it, Nicolle."

His anger was back. Just like earlier in the store when I mentioned his girlfriend, it flipped a switch in him and he shut down.

He had secrets, that much was obvious. As the scenery whizzed by and we finally pulled up to the hospital, I felt Embry's hand slip into mine. He leaned in close and pressed his mouth to my ear. "I'll tell you everything, I promise. Just trust me, honey."

I turned my head slightly and gazed up into his dark, mysterious eyes. I wanted to know everything. I needed answers to all my questions. But most of all I needed to know why my whole body lit up when he touched me. Or why I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him since the day he first set foot in the bookstore.

I didn't believe in love at first sight, but there was always something pulling us together like magnets and I needed to know more.

....

#embrycall #embry #embry call #kiowa #kiowa gordon #postbreakingdawn #wolf pack #wolfpack #wolf #twilight wolf pack #embry call imagine

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what-the--curtains · 4 years

Text

Braving the Elements

Chapter 10: Night out

Tw: drinking, underage drinking, swearing

Authors notes: YALL GET 2 today

(Playing when you enter the club)

(Playing when you dance with Bucky)

Tony had given you all a week off to train while he worked on locating Romans houses. After the third day of intense training you were all starting to look drained and were becoming increasingly irritated with each other.

“THAT’S IT! We need a night off or I’m gonna lose it!” you yell from the gym floor where you had been lying out of breath for the past 5 minutes. “This is non-negotiable! Wanda you always wanted to come along when I’d sneak out to college parties now’s the time!”

“Well obviously I’m in.” Nat says which had Steve agreeing quickly ,

“Don’t have to tell me twice” Sam says. Bucky nods in agreement saying he was feeling pent up (whatever that meant). You finally got Wanda to agree which led to Vision joining as well. Peter and Shuri had whined so much that you ended up saying you could get them in much to Steve's dismay

“Oh come on captain no fun let loose!” Nat says slapping a hand on his back

“Fine, but they CANNOT drink” he says

“Gee thanks guys! Cool if I invite MJ and Ned as well?”

“Ya, sure, no problem.” You respond

You Nat and Wanda were all getting ready together. Doing your hair and makeup, and gossiping before going out was slowly becoming a tradition of yours.Nat’s wearing a corseted dress with a leather jacket and thigh high black boots. Wanda’s put on a sheer black t-shirt over a black lace bra pairing it with high waisted red jeans. She's topped it off with a white, faux-fur cropped jacket and red heels. You settled on a halter v-neck bodysuit, light blue jean shorts and fishnets with white knee high, healed boots and a tasseled tan jacket. You were all ready earlier than everyone else so you could get the younger ones in. You meet up with them at the front of the club at around 10:30PM.

“Hey kiddies” you say waving to Peter and his friends.

The owner appears at the door exclaiming “(Y/N) darling! you’re back! What hole did you crawl out of looking like hell on wheels?” before embracing you.

“So you know him?” Nat asks

“Ya, how else do you think I’m sneaking a bunch of teenagers in?” you say, ushering everyone inside.

“Just remember, no drinking.” Nat says sternly to the group of teens, who all nod in agreement.

“If you do it when we can’t see, it doesn’t count” you whisper to Shuri and she smiles

“This is so sick” MJ pipes up as the owner shape shifts into a new form.

“Cool!” Ned , Peter and Shuri say in unison, before heading off to take in the atmosphere of the club.

Wanda smirks “Mutant club?” she asks

“Mutant club.” you respond

“Alright! First rounds on the house for you and your lovely friends” the owner says.

The boys showed up about an hour later which was more than enough time for all three of you to get tipsy. When they enter your eyes are once again immediately drawn to Bucky. He’s pulled his hair back into a loose bun and is wearing a black t-shirt that was just loose enough to conceal what you knew to be a chiseled torso. He'd paired it with dark jeans that he filled out very nicely in the back leading you to wonder if the same was true for the front.

“This place is SICK” Sam yells over the noise

“I know right!” you yell back “Finally back with my people!” you gesture to the crowd before offering him and Steve a shot. You all find your way to a booth near the back and continue to talk with people going out to dance intermediately. On your way back from the bathroom you bump into an old friend of yours.

“Jean!” you shout over the music

“Y/N?” she yells back

“Holy shit! I can’t believe you’re here!” you say embracing her

“Ya, we just finished up a mission in the city, figured we’d come and celebrate!” she responds

“What are you up to these days?”

“Well I’ve recently joined the Avengers.”

Jean laughs before realising you're serious, “Oh my god you went full on good guy? About time!”

You both laugh “Come join us!“ you say and Jean nods before going to grab the rest of your old school friends.

“Wanda!” You yell sitting down next to her “Jeans here!”

“No way! Class reunion!” she shouts downing the last of her drink and slamming her glass down on the table. Sam leans in and asks if any of your old friends are hot causing you to laugh before pushing him away from you.

Jean comes back with Scott, Rogue, Gambit, Alex, and Storm

“(y/n)” Alex draws out your name slowly with fake disbelief “Alex Summers.” you say pointing at him then patting the spot next to you.

“How the hells it going?” he asks, sitting down and giving you his award winning smile

“Oh you know me staying saved doing god's mission” you reply dryly, causing him to laugh

“ Well you really must have changed since.. “ he starts before you punch him in the arm, laughing.

Bucky sees Alex whisper something in your ear that makes you throw your head back in laughter. His jaw clenches. He didn’t know why he was so upset by the thought of someone else making you laugh, but he was. Maybe he should just move on. Move on from what? he thinks we aren’t even anything.

Sam leans over to you and says “You seen Nat and Steve? they’ve been dancing all night and not in a very all American way.”

“ Do you think they’re gonna fuck?” you say louder than you wanted to quickly covering your mouth.

“ You always had a way with words even at school” Alex laughs as Peter comes up to tell you that they're going to head out.

“Hey Storm! You should meet my friend Sam!” you say before continuing on the conversation with the x-men. You find out that Jean and Scott are still going as strong as ever, Rogue and Gambit have (finally) gotten married and Alex has settled down and is currently seeing someone.

After another half-hour or so the x-men decide to get going with Storm taking a very happy Sam with her. “Hey be gentle with him, you call after her!” Steve slaps his hand down on the table, declaring that more drinks were needed.

“C’mon Buck let’s get em.” he says, pulling his friend up as Wanda and Vision get up to go dance.

“Soooooo.” You slur swinging your head towards Nat “You and Mr. America?” you inquire wiggling your eyebrows

“Oh shut it, ya I like him and he’s got a great body so I am definitely shooting my shot tonight.” she says with a grin

“Well, no one could resist you in that get up!” you say fanning yourself

“How about you? That Alex guy was pretty hot.”

“Ya he is we used to date back at school, but he’s got a partner now so guess I’m shit outta luck!” you pout.

“C’mon there’s got to be someone here for you. How about Buck? He seems like he’d be a good time and based on the number of women I’ve seen leaving his room he’s experienced!”

“You know I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing those eyes looking up from between my thighs.” you say dreamily causing Nat to raise her eyebrows. The conversation ends when the two boys return with several shots which you all polish off. Nat pulls Steve up to go dance, leaving you and Bucky alone together. You scoot closer to him so you can hear him better, stopping when your thigh presses up against his.

“So I hear you,” you say, pausing to tap him on the tip of his nose, a gesture which he found extremely endearing “use to be a swell dancer.”

“Ya, not to this modern stuff though, but this," he says as the song changes to something with a bit more swing, "this I can dance to". Grabbing you by the hand he pulls you onto the dance floor. Lining up his hand with yours and placing his metal hand on your side pulling you closer to him.

“ So you and that Alex guy, you used to go out or something?” Bucky asks, not so subtly, as he twirls you so you're no longer facing him, wrapping his arms around you tightly and swaying you back and forth. You laugh “I guess you could call it that but he’s with someone now, so too bad for me!” Bucky feels a sense of relief, although a pang of jealousy does hit him upon realizing that you had been thinking about someone else throughout the night. He spins you out and pulls you back to face him.

“Steve was right, you are good at this'' you say, gazing up at him. He lets his hand drop slightly below your waist perching it on the curvature of your backside, smiling when you don’t make him move it. As the song ends he dips you and brings you back into him. You’re now just inches away from each other, both of you breathing heavily. Then out the corner of your eye you see Wanda and Vision making out. You push yourself off of his chest and cheer to no one before turning him around to see the scene. Laughing softly and feeling less dejected by the fact you had pushed yourself away from him he says “On that note, I think it’s time for me to head out.”

“Wait!” You shout “I’m coming with you!” You snatch up your purse and pull on your jacket before following him towards the exit.

“Leaving so soon?” the owner asks slightly disappointed

“Oh come on don’t cry I'll be back!” you say hugging him and planting a small kiss on his cheek. Bucky looks away when you do this not wanting to see your lips on another person. You quickly walk back to him and he offers you his arm causing you to look up at him and smile. The look on your face makes his heart skip a beat

#bucky x oc #bucky x reader #bucky x you #avengers fanfiction #braving the elements #bucky barnes slow burn #bucky barnes #Spotify

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peakyhxrry · 4 years

Text

The engagement~ A finsaiah AU

'Three years today' Finn thought as he was setting up a picnic for him and his boyfriend Isaiah 'three bloody years today as my boyfriend and today that all changes' he was talking to himself, of course, trying to ease his nerves for the surprise he had planned ahead for the young Jesus boy. The picnic was the same as they had last year and the year before it's a tradition that was started by Finn on Isaiah's 18th birthday when they decided to get away for the day just the two on their own and then they'd do it for both the boys birthdays and when they started dating they'd have a picnic on their anniversary as well. The boys would come to this spot quite a lot when they first started dating because they didn't know if their families would agree with them being together but luckily none of them cared so long as they were happy together.

Finn remembered the day his family found out about him and Isaiah like the back of his hand. They had been dating for a couple of months and Isaiah had stayed the night, they hadn't done anything yet they were still getting used to how things worked with each other, Finn was in the kitchen of his small apartment in artillery square trying to cook breakfast for the two boys without waking the young Jesus boy up which was going well till he snuck up on the young Shelby boy wrapping his appendages around the boys smaller frame and resting his chin on his shoulder. "What are you doing Finny?" Isaiah's gruff morning voice questioned his eyes still slightly closed as he found comfort in their position. "I was cooking you some breakfast before you fucking gave me a heart attack" Finn replied his voice softer than the other boys despite his fought Birmingham accent, it was something Isaiah always liked to point out about the boy, how he made such a rough and harsh accent sound like the most angelic thing he had ever heard. Isaiah let out a heartfelt chuckle which had caused Finn to smile turning the stove off and turn round to face his boyfriend.

For a while, they just stood there staring into each other's eyes when they began moving side to side slowly. That was something Finn loved about his relationship with Isaiah you never knew what was going to happen but when it did it was always a moment he knew he would never forget. While they were dancing two of Finns older brothers had entered the apartment and just watched the two small but rare smiles etched onto their faces seeing their youngest brother so happy, they all knew that there was something going on between the two boys but never said anything but now they had proof.

Just as the two men were going to leave the small apartment Isaiah noticed them and stepped away from Finn blushing madly. "I Erm..was just going," Isaiah said rubbing the back of his neck and looking between Finn's eldest brothers "oh no carry on Isaiah we can come back later," a smirking Tommy said dragging Arthur out of the flat. Finn has turned to his boyfriend smiling sheepishly "well now everyone's going to know at least " which earned a chuckle from Isaiah as he pulled the smaller boy into a hug "You're a bloody idiot finny" to which Finn kissed his boyfriend on the shoulder a simple 'I know' escaped his lips.

Back to the present time Isaiah had managed to appear behind his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist scaring the smaller out of his thoughts "Penny for your thoughts finny" Finn turned so he was looking at Isaiah softly kissing the boy before he answered him "just thinking about the day Tommy and Arthur found out about us" Now that the boy was In front of him Finn had grown even more nervous, his palms now becoming sweaty as he tried to keep the words he wanted to say to his soulmate in his mind so he didn't stutter all over the place. Isaiah, on the other hand, was feeling perfectly normal as he laid down on the blanket looking up at the few clouds scattered across the blue sky above him. "That was a great day" he joked as Finn laid next to him, resting his head on the taller boys chest as he did. After a while of them laying like this Finn sat up and looked at Isaiah nervously "isa I've got something I wanted to ask you" he said fiddling with his pocket to get the ring box out.

"That's alright because I've got something to ask you as well finny" Isiah replied also going into his pocket. At the same time both boys pulled out a ring box and faced each other "What are you doing I'm asking you" they complained in sync, Finn mentally becoming upset that his big plan had failed but visibly calmed knowing no matter who asks he now knew the answer would be the same. "But I planned all this to ask you" Finn attempted to guilt trip Isiah into letting him ask "and I had to spend a day shopping with Linda, Esme, Ada and your Aunt Polly" Isaiah quickly snipped back. Thinking about it spending a day doing any type of activity with them was mentally draining so Finn reluctantly nodded and put the ring box back in his pocket as Isaiah took a deep breath staring Finn straight in the eyes, his hazel ones meeting the smaller boys piercing green ones.

"Finn Shelby from the first day that I met you I knew there was something different about you to every other man in Birmingham, at first I didn't know what it was and why I was drawn to you but when I finally figured out that it was because I was attracted to you I will admit at first I was scared that you wouldn't think the same but here we are three years later. I've always loved you for being the person you are; not the perfect soldier like your brothers but being the perfect man so will you Finn Shelby do the honours of becoming Finn Jesus and marry me?" Isaiah spilt out somehow growing nervous that he'd said the wrong thing as Finn's eyes started to glaze over with salty curtains of tears as he nodded his head at the boy "of course I'll fookin marry you, Isaiah Jesus" he replied planting the most passionate kiss the boy had ever given Isaiah on his lips and the other boy placed the ring on Finns finger. "I love you isa" he breathed out while laying his head in his fiancés' lap "and I love you finny" the taller boy replied his hands caressing through Finn's hair as he smiled up at the sky content with how that had played out. Finn admired the ring as Isaiah ran his hands through his hair savouring the moment before they'd have to head back to the shit and smoke of Birmingham.

#peaky blinder headcanon #harry kirton #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #finn shelby #jordan bolger #daryl mccormack #isaiah jesus

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makiema · 5 years

Text

For SNK Positivity Week Day 1 : Character Positivity Day ||

Zeke Jaeger : A Character Sketch

This is going to be a long rant in appreciation of Zeke's amazing character arc. He's not really my favorite character but the reason why I picked him for the character positivity day is because his character is often misunderstood and he gets a lot of unjustified hate. I did that too at one point; tbh I hated him with a passion but I'd grow out of it and even begin to feel for him eventually.

First off, let's run a background check on him. He was obviously neglected as a kid. His eyes speaks volumes here in this panel.

At the age of five, when all a kid looks for is love and care, his parents imposed the responsibility of the whole world on his shoulders. At an age when a child has a hard time spelling correctly, he was expected to infiltrate the government, fight for his brethren, become a double agent and what not. The psychological toll on a child who faces negligence and abuse at home is unimaginable. Paralleling that with stats of recent times, it's seen that bullies often come from abusive families. That's how psychology works. Once you've been victimized, you'll project that on others. That is exactly what happened with Zeke. The reason why he appeared so sadistic was because someone else put through hell before. The reason why he failed to love and empathize was because he himself was denied feelings of warmth and love. A child learns to emulate what he has learned from his parents. Can you really blame him for failing in the beginning?

But then, as the story of his life progressed, a more humane side of his character was developed with the coming of Xaver. Xaver was the first person to show Zeke parental affection. His contribution in shaping up Zeke's fundamental character is noteworthy. Even though he gave Zeke the love that he needed, his influence was not at all something appreciable, something better than before. If Grisha and Dina had wrongly used their son to meet their own selfish needs, Xaver was the shrewder one who showed affection on the surface only to permanently mould Zeke into becoming a pessimistic, merciless individual who had little to no respect for human lives. Zeke already bore the scars of his past; Xaver rather than inspiring him and guiding him decided to gaslight him into somehow believing that his whole life is a mistake and the same goes for all Eldians.

Imagine prevailing upon a teenager, whose personality is just developing, an idea that horrifying. If you sugarcoat the idea of genocide and instill that in a teenager, what do you even expect him to believe in? Drawing from our world, this was a tactic employed largely by Hitler in Germany. The only reason so many young people voluntarily took part in genocide was because they were spoon fed terrible ideas and convinced of false righteousness by their most trusted ones (often members of the family). The people we look up to for guidance are our parents and then comes our instructors. Zeke was unfortunate when it came to both. His instructor was the one who made murderous ideas seem okay to him. He's not at fault; he was only a teenager looking up at an older person for guidance and perspective.

So from there on we see how Zeke actually becomes a double agent serving in the Marleyan army. He has nothing to lose. He wrecks whole towns but deep inside he feels nothing. This lies in direct contrast with Eren who had an upbringing full of love and warmth. Remember how Eren couldn't accept even one soldier's death whatever be the cause? Again, both the character arcs follow the basic lines of human psychology. Environment, circumstances, influence -everything goes in the making of a person. However, this is true only until a certain point. You cannot forever be a product of your surroundings so once pubescence is reached, you're expected to make your own choices. Levi asking Eren to make a choice has a great significance in his life. It makes him responsible for himself. Similarlyen Zeke met Eren, he also made a choice - a choice to love someone. For the first time, he actually learned to love; for the first time he honestly wants someome to believe him and he feels like he understands Eren. Zeke realizes that he shares a common ground with someone and seeks solace in him. He's just a forlorn character seeking love and understanding.

He did love his grandparents before and also loved Xaver, of course, but that was more of being loved and then returning it. When it came to Eren, he made a choice of giving love to his sibling in spite of knowing his true intentions. His victim complex immediately assumed that Eren was also a victim of parental abuse and he chose to take care of him like a big brother. He never once doubted Eren. Even for someone as cold and sadistic as him, even for someone who had just murdered hundreds of SC members without a second thought, love existed; and with this a possibility of redemption; a hope of adopting a new perspective at life - one that is not inspired from hate, abuse, negligence or pessimism. From this point onwards, Zeke's character arc takes an interesting turn.

Ever since he met Eren and got to talk to him, we've seen him trying desperately to protect Eren. He's a product of negligence and he believes Xaver saved him. Therefore, he wants to save someone he loves too. He loves his brother and Eren is the only one who matters to him. He'd go to any extent to protect him. Hence the "Onii-chan is here" in the ending of Chapter 117.

He is adorable and his love for Eren is exemplary sibling love. It can be even compared to the likes of Itachi, Ace, Lelouch and Tanjirou - the famous big brothers in the animanga history. In 118, he knows Colt feels the same way but Xaver took away the feeling of empathy from a young, naive Zeke and so he goes on ahead with the Scream. Is it his fault ? No, not really. He was never accustomed with the meaning of life. He was a child growing up amidst war and devastation who looked up to a wretched cynical figure as his father. How can we expect someone to attach significance to life when all he was made to believe was that he is somehow at fault just for being born?

This directly contrasts how Eren was made to believe that he's special just because he was born in this world. The contrast between the brothers is never so eminent as in here, in this astonishingly different approach towards life.

There is a quote in Banana Fish that goes like: "You cannot be loved unless you love"

Ever since Zeke took it upon himself to save Eren, to shower him with love and affection, he showed us a more humane side of him ; a side I'm sure even he didn't believe he had in him before he came across his brother. He opened a portal to a kinder world when he learned to love. He was a sad, unfortunate creature unloving and unloved for most of his life. But now that he has so much love in his heart, even at the moment of betrayal, he gets to know how being loved feels like.

I cannot even begin to elaborate on the shock and the disillusionment that Zeke had to face when he learned the truth- that Eren was the one who manipulated Grisha and not the other way round. The good thing that came out of this was that Zeke learned that he was genuinely valued by his father and that he trusted him to stop Eren. However, Eren ruins it perfectly when he throws salt on Zeke's open wound.

Of course, years of negligence cannot be forgotten and/ or forgiven at the expense of one tiny moment and Zeke is hesitant to call Grisha 'dad' at times

but at least he knows now that Grisha regrets his wrongs and that he loves him. Isayama had granted Zeke what he was long due, when Grisha confessed to him. Zeke's love for Eren is so pure, so selfless. Even when Eren says he had only used Zeke, even when he is rude and nasty with him, Zeke is convinced that it is all because of Grisha's brainwashing. He is so upset when he learns of Eren's betrayal in this panel.

Of course, Zeke's love for Eren seems to be leading him to nowhere and this is sort of payback for all his crimes but at least, with Chapter 121, it can be said that Zeke Jaeger is no longer a tragic unloved character. He was loved by his father and he more than deserved to know this. His character arc is churned out wonderfully. He began as a villainous character but then Isayama gave us a glimpse of how tragic his story is; from there on Zeke's character evolved and his development reached its peak with his sincere and genuine love for Eren. Gradually his sad arc that made him to be a pitiful unloved creature is resolved with a confession of love from the most desirable person, not to forget that this new found love also came with Grisha's faith that Zeke would be able to stop Eren. He saw how in the impending future Zeke's plan will fail but even so he still has faith that he's going to stop Eren.

-×××-

Wow this became longer than I expected it to be. But I have been getting a lot of feelings for Zeke recently and I felt like I had to highlight him for the character positivity day because he is so misinterpreted in the fandom. I really hope people forgive him because basically nobody is evil by choice, it's the effect arising from cumulative traumatizing experiences as a child.

#snk #zeke jaeger #zeke yeager #snk positivity week 2019 #snk meta #snk analysis #snk thoughts #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk positivity week

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starbide · 4 years

Text

Inspiration below. The following is a work of fiction.

'Six years,' I thought to myself walking down the road. It had rained earlier that evening, but by now the clouds were long gone. The pavement shimmered in the waxing moonlight, still slick with the water of those vanished clouds. I would not slip; the road was mostly level as it lazily stretched down the gentle hill behind me, and the streetlamps cast in gold what the moon would otherwise leave dim. The world was silent.

'It's hard to believe I've been gone that long,' I continued, step by step. Six years since I'd moved away for my career. Six years since I'd left my family behind. 'Left her behind,' I smirked to myself, passing a large bush on my right. Houses stood dark and serene on either side, all daily activities complete and put to rest. No cars joined me on the waterlogged street, preferring the concrete comfort of their driveways and garages. I approached and passed under another hazy lamp.

It was cool out, a gentle breeze brushed past the wool of my jacket without raising a single goose bump. I paid it no mind; I was always a bit warmer blooded than others in my circle. My best friend for most of my school years couldn't understand my ability to wear shorts comfortably year-round. 'Those were the days,' I mused, thinking back to the last time we'd seen each other. It had to be more than a decade at this point, long before I'd moved north for work and expanded my wardrobe to include legwear longer than my knees.

I reached an intersection and paused. Four ways, no direction more enticing or foreboding than the next. A lamp at every corner, and the bus station deserted save by its sign across the diagonal. The station I'd waited at patiently every morning for that bright yellow school bus, before I'd ever met my old bestie. It was just me and one other kid, a rather scrawny looking boy who had been in most of my elementary grades but with whom I'd never really gotten on with. We'd shared classes, teachers, and the occasional pencil or marker, but never played together outside of academia. He'd moved away much longer than a decade ago. Now I was really delving into my memory, faded as it was with time.

I checked my phone: 11:57 PM in small white font. My first night back home, I should be exhausted. This wasn't my normal time zone and airplane seats aren't exactly memory foam, but I'd found a second wind after dinner and took to the night after my folks had gone to bed themselves. Sure, I'd been physically gone for six years, but we'd stayed in touch off and on since I'd left. Maybe five months back was our last video call. We'd talked about me taking this trip, now that things had settled down and my life was much more under control. Things had been wild for a while, and if all went according to plan at work things would become wild again not too far down the line. Which reminded me, I needed to make another appointment when I returned home. Couldn't go running out of my prescription again.

A brief twitch of motion caught my eye, and I peered down the leftward lane. One of the bulbs had burned out a few dozen meters down, and in this larger pool of darkness something had moved. At least I thought it had, but my eyes could be playing tricks on me with the shadows. One dark spot moving erratically through a larger, differently dark spot wasn't exactly proof of anything. But of course, my heartbeat quickened regardless. Base human instinct, I suppose. Spot a motion in the dark, prepare to act to either fight or flee.

That hallucination had triggered something else in me though. A memory, unconsciously bidden, rose up behind my eyes. That kid, the little one I'd shared a bus stop with for years, I did not recall being nice to often. Many times, I'd engaged in common teasing, and he always took it personally. A couple times he'd even cried, but I'd never gotten in much trouble for it. A different time I supposed. That sort of behavior wouldn't fly nowadays, and that's good. I felt a bit sick thinking back about it, as it was now clear I'd been a bit of a bully. What it hadn't been was a wake-up call for my parents, who didn't get me the help I had so desperately needed until much later in my teens. I was better now, better enough to see what I'd done back then was very wrong. I couldn't remember all of it, but that boy's tears had stuck with me. I wonder what happened to him?

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts and calm my pulse, I opted for the path in front. This route would wind close to the park, after a couple turns beyond my current field of vision. Crossing the street, I didn't even bother looking left or right, as the night was so quiet and empty, I could hear a car coming from miles away, if there were any to hear. A rock lay in the far side gutter; I kicked it just to give my ears some stimulation. It knocked against the cement curb and bounced across puddles thin as saran wrap to a rest. By then I'd already forgotten about it and left that intersection behind.

Another thought was creeping up from my subconscious, this one more distasteful than the last. I'd left a girl behind when I moved for work, and the breakup hadn't been pleasant. She'd been very upset, naturally, and felt betrayed I was abandoning her like that. Abandoning. It had been her word, not mine, but with the clarity of distance I could see she was right. It had been years since I'd considered how we ended, and I wasn't sure what spurred those thoughts just now, but after what I'd done to her, I could accept she was right.

Still though, rounding the first turn, my leaving her should have been a good thing. Now that the floodgates of memory were open, I may as well dive right in. She'd been so hurt by my sudden departure because I'd systematically isolated her from her friends and much of her family too. She'd grown more and more attached to me, and I'd encouraged that through some particularly devilish means. I didn't know about the term 'gaslighting' at the time, but that was a polite way of putting it. I'd been very proficient at psychological manipulation back then, and my desire for control over her life could have consumed us both. At the end, she'd only had limited contact with her sister, who had been rightly concerned about her but too terrified of me to do anything to stop me. Looking back, I can't blame her. I now believe it was good that I left when I did. I hope she realized the same, though I haven't heard from her since.

Now the road turned left, arcing gradually around a thicker cluster of trees. This walk was turning out to be less relaxing than I'd hoped. The smallest things seemed to be dredging up thoughts and old memories in me, and none of them were painting me in the best light. Being my thoughts, maybe that was the best light I could possibly be presented in. Maybe their memories of me, the version of me still living in their mind, was far worse than I could imagine on this unassuming suburban night. I'd read somewhere that we're all the hero of our own story, and of course the hero never thinks they're the villain. But I'm sure that's what I am in at least a few people's stories. I'm starting to feel like the villain in my own.

Opening up ahead of me is the park, and the wide-open fields I remember so well. This area is less well lit, with streetlamps only illuminating the edges of the grass and allowing the moon to bathe the world in dead white. In reality, this is only sunlight reflected, but from the moon it feels much less like the bright star that gives this planet life. Like Luna itself, it feels cold and impersonal, like it wouldn't actively try to end my life but also wouldn't even notice if I merely faded away into the ether. I'd had some trouble with those thoughts as well over the years, before I got help. And now, rushing back to me, I remember they were also why I lost my best friend.

He and I had been out for the evening, playing some game with a few other friends. The game had ended, and we were walking home together when a car had rushed past us. Neither he nor I were injured, but it had been close and the driver had continued on recklessly. After it rounded the corner, we'd both heard a large thumping sound, followed by the rapidly diminishing roar of its engine. After a quick glance between us we'd rushed around the corner ourselves to see a big yellow dog crumpled up in the drain. Not losing a moment we hurried up to it, but we needn't have rushed. It had most likely died on impact, before we even saw it.

My friend had knelt down next to it to try and save it, even though it was hopeless. He must have known, but it's only natural to want to help another life. At least, it is for me now, and it was for him then. I remember him crouched over the dog, tears in his eyes when he accepted what happened, and then he looked up at me. His tears ebbed and his face froze in fear at what he saw, but he couldn't say anything to me at the time. We walked home in uncomfortable silence after that, and said a short awkward goodbye. Truth be told, that's the last time we spoke to each other in person.

Thinking of the next part, I felt a chill run deep into my core. I remembered now what he told me, over text message later that night. He'd bent over the dog and been so distraught because he knew it. He'd checked the tag to be sure, but it was his neighbor's dog that he'd grown up playing with. I think he'd even muttered its name a couple times, but I'm not sure. But when he looked up at me, he said I had the biggest grin he'd ever seen. The look on my eyes was not maniacal, as some would think, but dead, not present. As if the dog dying had brought out a whole new face in me, as if the lights were on but nobody was home, and yet the lights still wanted to kill you. It had terrified him, and it was all he could do not to sprint from me that moment without looking back. I don't think he ever knew how right he'd been back then, something that took me years to realize and longer to overcome.

I quietly walked to the center of the field, as far from the streetlights as possible, and looked up. The moon provided none of the same dangers as the sun when staring straight at it, and I took a few moments to just gaze at it and let my thoughts sort themselves out. I'd been a monster in my childhood, a terror in my youth, before I found my doctor and we set out on a years-long journey to get me better. Any other time I'd have kept on that dangerous path, ruining some lives and possibly ending others. That had all changed, thanks to my incredible fortune and a lot of hard work, but with the clarity of hindsight I could see just how close to the precipice I'd come. How I'd always be there in the minds of childhood mates and adolescent connections. And this was just what I could remember now. There was no way for me to know how many other monstrous versions of me still lived in any number of former classmates.

In the corner of my eye, I saw another twitch in the shadows. Jerking my head down, I followed the motion to the foot of the trees, the darkest spot on the field. This time there was no mistake; there was definitely an object moving there, slowly but surely. My heartbeat shot up and my throat swelled as I bent my knees and got into a defensive posture. The object lumbered forward, moving without haste but with purpose. When it came into the light, I was surprised to see a little boy with a scratched-up shirt and messy brown hair. Standing up in confusion, I was certain I'd seen him somewhere before. Step by step, I focused on every detail I could make out in the gloom, before it hit me like the car that last night walking home.

That boy was dressed, to the letter, the exact same way I had on picture day in third grade. My hair had been an untamable brown mess, and even the cheap novelty watch was the same. I was more perplexed than anything now, as I couldn't understand for the life of me what a kid was doing in that field, at midnight, wearing clothes that weren't even made any more. That was until he spoke, and his voice froze my blood in its veins.

It was like whispers, floating around my head, and several voices all at once and all taking turns being the loudest. They were all his, but not really. His mouth had opened and his lips were framing the syllables, but it was my voice from so many years ago repeating every taunt, every tease, every foul nickname I'd ever given that scrawny boy who shared a bus stop with me. Who'd cried, not once or twice, but dozens of times. Who'd gone home often with scrapes and tears in his clothes personally inflicted by myself. I had terrorized him for years of his early life, and what I saw before me must be what I forever lived as in his memory.

But if that were true, then this kid in front of me couldn't be real. I had to be hallucinating again, I must have been more exhausted than I'd allowed myself to feel. He sure looked real, though, and his footsteps were matting the grass in a way I didn't trust my mind to make up. But the ghostly, strangled voices of my younger self crashing in waves into my ears gave the entire scene a surreal feeling, making the hair on the back of my neck stick up like electricity. I couldn't bring myself to step away, and I sure as hell wasn't going to walk forward to meet him. It. Whatever it was I was seeing, real or not.

Only a few meters away, he stopped moving. Swallowing bile, I could do little more than watch him as the voices continued to echo in my ears, unchanged by his distance all this time. Then I spotted another motion far off to my right, and then a third to my left. Glancing quickly between them, I determined that they were both noticeably older than the child before me, one by a few more years than the other. They too walked slowly towards me, bringing their own voices to the forefront. Despite the dozens of voices I now thought I was hearing, every word registered clearly in my mind. One was speaking about my old best friend and the dog, the other repeated every lie I ever told my ex-girlfriend before leaving. As if their mere presence in my eyes were not enough, hearing my old, hateful words repeated to me in my own voice almost made me vomit with fear and disgust.

They too, stopped approaching me at the same distance as the child. As they did, dozens more similar hallucinations emerged from the trees and surrounding neighborhood, all carrying their own chorus of hate and venom and bringing back new, abhorrent memories of my youth. Terrorizing a girl in my 4th grade class. Catching squirrels in my early teens and setting them on fire, then getting caught myself. Giving that kindergartner a major concussion on a dare, after my best friend had ceased speaking to me. Even one similar in age to myself now, though he brought words of loss and failure, and of betrayal to my parents. That must have been right before my breakthrough, with the doctor and an early test version of my current prescription. I was better now. I had to be. But why was I seeing all of this, all of these versions of me locked in the minds of everyone who I'd left behind in my life? My trail of destruction?

They had all stopped walking now, forming a tight semicircle around me. The voices still buzzed in my ears, but slowly they faded to an indistinguishable babble. I tried to speak, but my throat had caught a bubble, so I gulped fruitlessly and closed my mount again. The thoughts racing through my mind had no similar handicap, as my mind shouted repeatedly the same things. Who are you all? Why is this happening? What are you doing to me?

The version of me who gaslit my girl took a couple steps forward, as if presenting himself as the leader. I had no time to process what this might mean before he spoke, in a much clearer form than any of these hallucinations had yet. "We are you. We are you that you left behind, trapped in the minds of those you hurt, frozen in time from the moment you left us years or decades ago. We have had no life to live, no chance to grow and thrive, no possibility to leave the prisons of mind which you left us in, being tortured again and again by those you tortured without remorse and without recompense. We cannot sit by from behind our bars as you continue to enjoy the life you stole from us all."

"I didn't know I was doing this!" I cried, finally able to break the blockade in my throat. "I was a monster, I know that well now, and I've spent years trying to recover from the damage I've done!" I felt foolish, yelling out into the night at visions only visible to myself. 'All this work, all this progress,' I cried to myself. 'This will set me back months if not more, and I can only hope my medication doesn't fail like I have.'

The same me looked down at the ground and shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry, but you must know how little that matters to us. You've lived a life of freedom from any repercussions and locked us away to suffer in your place. You've flaunted that fact with your precious medical tools and until tonight, hadn't even remembered us or what you did to torture and imprison us. We are here now for the life that you stole from us, to end the torture you sentenced us to and walked away from yourself unscathed." He took another step forward, his face growing menacing.

"I don't know what that means," I cried, shaking my head as the tears started to drop. This was starting to feel all too real, and fear was expanding like a balloon deep into my core. "I don't know what any of this means. What do you want from me!?"

Another step. "We want your life," the gaslighter said mirthlessly. "We all want your life, the life wrongly denied us time and time again. And you will learn what it means to be ripped apart and put back together, over and over again. Tortured yourself for what you did to so many people in your life. You gave us to them to burn, to break, to grind down into dust and be restored only to do it all over tomorrow. You tortured them, and then you gave them us to work their revenge on, day after day with no hope of an end. And the most unforgivable of all was giving the youngest of you away to feel this pain the longest. Over two decades have the youngest of us been taken to pieces, shattered in mind and body and soul for your carelessness and your fleeting experiments in sociopathy. This will end tonight."

I could say nothing, the terror burning white on my face. If this was a hallucination, it was the worst one I'd ever had and I had no idea how I'd survive it. It was far too realistic, far too deadly for me to think of anything else, any of the tricks and tools my doctor had given me. What had happened to cause this? I swear I never missed a day on my prescription, and these memories... Where had they all been before? Why had I not been able to recover them and work through them with my doctor? Were they even real? Was this me, standing only a meter away now, real? Or was he only real in my mind, and if he wanted to hurt me would that distinction make a difference? I reached out my hand, reaching toward his arm slack against his torso...

And he reached out and took my wrist like a vice. Ice cold and unflinching, he held my arm up in front of me and closed the gap between us imperceptibly fast. "You may have many regrets. I have only one," he said in a low, bloodthirsty voice. "While there are dozens of us gathered here, dozens you sentenced to eternal damnation without a second thought, only one of us may live this life. I may not be the youngest of your victims, I may not give you the longest time in the torture you gave us, but I intend to fight with everything you have put me through these long years. Your life is mine."

As he growled in my face, a white-hot streak of terror shot through me and I pushed him back with almost reflexive strength. He staggered, rebalanced, then looked at me with cannibalistic hunger in his eyes. He panted twice, then screamed and lunged at my neck. With adrenaline now coursing through me, I turned and sprinted away from the gathering, hearing the pounding of footsteps deep in my brain. He had grabbed my arm. I glanced at it as I reached the sidewalk and saw a chalk white handprint etched into my grayish skin. The urge to vomit came back, but I managed to fight it down as I kept up a faster pace than I'd ever run before. The swarm of my past, tortured selves was hot on my heels, like starved dogs following fresh game. Any loss in my speed and I'd be eaten alive, or worse. I truly did not know what would happen if they caught me, and my mind was too far gone to even entertain the idea of hallucinations any more.

I rounded the next curve and thought the sound of the pack was a little quieter than before. It still sounded like pure rage and bloodlust, but with fewer voices than before. Thinking it was only a few stragglers being blocked by the trees, I kept up the fastest pace I could, not even feeling my feet hit the ground. Another hundred meters of straightaway and it was definitely growing less loud with each step. The roar was diminishing, no trees to hide the sound now, but it was still a roar. By now a cramp had begun to grow in my stomach, and no matter what I did I felt myself losing speed. Every few steps I could burst forward faster again, but I couldn't maintain the same rocket pace as before. To my ears, though, as my speed gradually fell, so did the volume of my pursuers. By the time I got to the intersection, it only sounded like a couple of me were still hunting, and I could count their individual footsteps. It was at this time I chanced a look behind, just to know what was still coming.

Right on my neck was him, the gaslighter. He grinned at me, his face less than a meter away. I felt that same shock explode throughout my body and I shot forward, faster than before if possible, fully terrified again now that I knew he and he alone was here for me. I kept running and running, past houses, lanes, and bushes. Still no signs of life from any houses, no cars rumbling down the road or creaking into place in a driveway. The night was as empty and uncaring as before, and only myself and the predator I had been broke the gentle midnight breeze. My legs thundered on, screaming in pain in their own way, but I didn't stop or look back again until I'd reached my family's old house a few blocks down.

Now truly running on empty, I turned back to face my hunter, but he was gone. Disappeared. Evaporated into the night, nowhere to be seen. The moon still hung high, reflecting some small percentage of sunlight down to me, and the streetlamps bathed the road and yards in amber light. He wasn't hiding from me, he hadn't overtaken me. There was no shortcut to the house, it was a straight shot from the park. He was simply gone, faded back into the night from which he'd come without a trace. If he'd ever really been there at all, and not merely a hallucination from exhaustion or medication or... I didn't even know any more. I just knew that he was gone, just gone, just gone.

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice called out to me. I jumped, but only in surprise. It was a familiar voice, but not familiar like my own. It sounded like my dad, and I heard large, calm footsteps walk toward me from our front door.

"Yeah," I said, although it was little more than a whisper. I buckled over, fell to my hands and knees, and felt the cramps and burning in my lungs catch up to me as the adrenaline faded away. I felt like vomiting, for the third time that night, but this time it was easier to fight the urge than before. I got some deep breaths in as I panted on the ground, slowly but surely recovering from my insane dash moments before.

My dad walked up in front of me, wearing the same well-worn brown leather shoes he'd owned since before I left. I didn't want to worry him about this night, and what I thought I saw in the park. Not when my recovery was going so well. Not when a lapse like this would mean months of work just to get back to where I was only an hour ago. "I'm okay dad, I just went for a walk. Then I saw how late it was and tried to get back as fast as I could. I guess I'm not the athlete I used to be, eh?" I tried to lift my head up to give him a weak smile, but still couldn't raise it much higher than his waist

He chuckled softly, and sounded a little strange. Still sleepy maybe, I guess I woke him up coming back here, and maybe I was screaming too. I don't know any more, I don't know what was real any more. But he knelt down in front of me after I dropped my head again, still exhausted, and said, "That's okay sport, I think we both know your real talents weren't on the field. I learned that lesson very well over the past six years."

#horror #creepypasta

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cashtonwoah-blog · 5 years

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Better Man // Part 2

Hey guys! Hope you liked the first part of Better Man, my newest fanfict for Ashton! I'm really enjoying writing this, and felt inspired recently as I have just returned from a holiday! Enjoy this second part.

Warnings: light smut, swearing, slight mention of controlling relationships.

****

"He called you cute?!" Camila squeeled with delight, as I recalled the events from earlier in the day.

I sighed, but smiled a little. For once Camila actually sounded invested in one of my guy stories.

"And then... His mate just walked off with him?!" she asked confused.

"Well, Luke his friend, and band mate, basically dragged him back to have a nap, he'd had so much to drink Cami" I scoffed.

"He's in a band?!" Ed gasped.

"Go Y/N! You've pulled! " Camila cheered, clapping.

"Comeon guys, I was just providing support. He was quite drunk so I bet he doesn't remember any of it". I chuckle, picking up my drink and heading back to the bar after finishing my break. I wasn't try to make a big deal out of the chat with the boy as it wasn't a big deal, but he was kinda cute. And it was nice that he felt comfortable talking to me.

****

"Lucky number 7, numero siete" I hear the entertainer Sami shout from the stage. Bingo was a very popular game in the hotel, especially as the old folk found it fun. I'd noted that the hotel was busier tonight, filled with all ages, which meant good business. I'd already had to stop 2 guys on a stag do from having more alcohol. I continued to make my favourite cocktail for a lady at the bar, Love On The Beach, which had vodka, strawberry flavouring with peach schnaps and a dash of lemonade. I presented the lady with the drink, to which she lightly clapped.

"Excuse me miss?" I hear a voice say at the bar. I turn around and see the curly haired boy, looking rather sleepy. His hair was messier than usual, and he was dressed in the same clothes are he had on 5 hours earlier. He rubbed his hand in the back of his head in an awkward fashion.

"Well hello rockstar, back for another drink?" I jokingly ask.

He smirks, sitting down at the bar, placing his head in the palm of his hands. I decide to make him a special drink. It was my first drink I learnt from Camila, a hangover cure! Orange juice, lemonade and a few other secret ingredients. I make the drink up, and place it in front of him.

"Please tell me there's no gin in this" he groans, lifting his head up from the bar table to inspect the drink.

I chuckle. "None what so ever sir".

He goes to give me a €10 note to pay for the drink. I wave my hand across my chest.

"No charge, its on me" I smile, pushing the drink closer towards him. He replies with a wide smile, I note his big ___ eyes, looking at me.

"Thanks Y/N" he replies, taking a sip. He subtlety moans.

"That's lovely".

"Enjoy... D'you know, I never got your name." I chuckle.

"Really? How rude of me." the boy laughs, offering me his hand.

"My names Ashton" he says, shaking my hand.

"So I wanted to apologise for earlier, I wasn't myself, and normally I'm not that much of a drinker like that" he said.

"It's okay, I've heard a lot worse stories over the past few months. I witnessed a divorce at this very bar, so you're good" I reply.

"Wow" is all his reply is. He takes another sip of the drink, followed by 2 headache tablets.

"Did you have some dinner?" I ask.

"Not yet, I'm waiting for Luke and Sierra and then we'll head out for the night" he replies.

"So is Luke a friend in your band?".

"Yup, he's the guitarist and vocalist, I'm the drummer" he says proudly.

"That's so cool!" I smile. As I attempt to find out more about Ashton, I hear a clicking of a finger and find a big old gentlemen trying to beckon me over to his side of the bar. I sigh.

"Excuse me Ashton" I say, walking to the gentlemen.

"Finally! I've been waiting for service for ages!" the old man moans.

"I do apologise sir, how may I help?" I reply awkwardly.

****

Its 1am, and the stag do have finally left the bar to head into the town centre for a night out. I sigh in relief, tidying up so I can close up and head home for the night. It was my day off tomorrow so I was looking forward to a lie in. I decided to start clearing the tables first, filling my tray with cocktail glasses. I hear a smash of glass, I turn around and see Margot by shattered glass.

I groan, heading over to her with a brush and pan. I smile at her, and let her get on with cleaning up the mess. She just shrugs at me, and proceeds to clean up. Throughout my shift, all I've thought about is Ashton, and how lovely he was. For the rest of the night before Luke and Sierra returned, we talked about lots in between me serving customers. We spoke about living in England, something both of us had done.

"Don't you miss home?" I questioned.

"Yeah, but the boys and I knew that we had to leave Aus a bit to try and get known musically. It was brilliant, living on our own, no rules, no nagging mums-" he says.

"No cleaning" I interrupted, laughing. He gives me a playful nudge at my comment.

"So did you live alone in England before moving here?" he asks.

"I actually lived with my Dad until he remarried, which became difficult to I decided to stay here for good!" I reply with a smile.

Ashton pouts. "But do you not miss home?" he asks.

"Not really. I have bad memories of home, with family and other people, so it was nice to start all over here again" I reply.

"I get it, like I miss home but so much has happened since I moved out and focused on the band" Ashton smiles.

****

I continued to clean the bar, and manage to finish around 2am. I sigh looking at my Apple Watch, noting the time. I head to reception to sign out, and am greeted by Ashton, sat on the chairs, like he was waiting for someone.

"Hey Rockstar" I smile tiredly, trying to hide my yawn.

"Hey Y/N, going home?" he asks.

"Yup, off tomorrow which will be nice".

Ashton looks somewhat disappointed. "Oh? So I won't see you tomorrow?" he replies, looking at the floor.

"Not at work nope, but if you're in the town or about maybe I'll say hey" I wink, confused at why he appeared so disappointed.

"That would be nice, Luke and Sierra were thinking of heading to the beach tomorrow, so maybe see you around" Ashton says.

"Well personally, I'd go to the one further down towards the airport. Its much nicer and better quality sand, if you get me. I head there with Cami and Ed often, it's nice" I smile.

"I take it Ed and Cami are mates?" he asks.

"Yup, Cami is a cleaner here at the hotel and Ed works on reception." I reply.

"That's cool, well maybe I'll say hey to them if I see them around, point out next time? He asks.

"Will do, enjoy your night Ashton" I smile, signing my name and walk towards the exit.

"Goodnight Y/N" he smiles at me, before walking away.

****

I couldn't sleep last night, which was weird for me. Normally, I'm out like a light, but last night was different. I had Ashton on my mind and I couldn't work out why. The way he smiled at me, made me laugh all night at the bar. The sparkle in his Hazel eyes got made me feel gooey.

I decided to get up, and head to the local Spar to get some food bits for the day. I parked my car in the car park, and headed into the store. I grabbed a roll, some Lays crisps and a bottle of Pepsi. I turned into the sweet section and overheard a woman with an American accent laughing.

"Luke! There here, come get the candy" she laughed, before walking into the same section as me. I stopped, and recognised the voice as Sierra, Luke's girlfriend.

"Oh hello" I warmly smile, continuing my shopping and placing some strawberry laces in my basket.

"Hey Y/N, Ash said you had a day off today!" Sierra says, grabbing the same bag of sweets.

"Do I hear my name?" I hear Ashton say, as he turns the corner into where we're stood. As soon as he sees me, his face lights up like a little boy in Christmas day. I playfully wave at him. He comes over.

"Hey Y/N, did you decide on a beach day too?" Ashton says.

"As a matter of fact I did! I take it you listened to my suggestion of this beach?" I say, pointing to the beach over the road from the shop.

"Ahhh so you recommend it... That explains a lot." Sierra winked at Ashton.

"Well it would be rude of us to not invite you along to sit with us for the day, if you wanted?" Sierra asks.

"That would be lovely, thank you. It's always nice to have some company on my days off" I reply, excited at the fact that I get to spend time with them, as they seemed like a good bunch of mates.

Ashton smiled over at me, beckoning me over to the sweet counter.

"Now Y/N, what other sweets should we get?" he asks.

****

"You're definitely cheating!" Ashton insists, pouting like a four year and throwing the cards onto the blanket.

I laugh, picking up the cards and start to reshuffle the deck. It's the 5th round of Rummy and Ashton had lost every single round.

"What can I say, I'm just too good for you" I wink playfully. Ashton rolls his eyes, poking my chest playfully. I watch Sierra and Luke, who are play wrestling on the beach. Its been good hanging out with the three of them for the day. They've spoken a lot about the band, Luke and Sierra's relationship and planning future holidays.

"They're cute together" I admire the couple dancing on the beach. I look over at Ashton, who is also looking at them.

"Yeah, they've been through a lot those guys, I love them lots" he smiles. "They've both been great friends to me, especially recently".

"Can I ask you, what actually happened with your ex?" I asked curiously, not wanted to upset him.

"Myself and Kay had been dating for 6 months, things were going well, but I found myself not being able to give her my full attention, with everything that was going well with 5SOS. She started to make me feel guilty for being away from her. I tried to make effort more, but in the end she wanted more than I could offer. I tried to end up several times, but each time she'd come up with a different excuse or reason not to. In the end I stupidly invited her on this holiday with Luke and Sierra to try and calm things down. Biggest mistake. She took it as a sign that we would be getting back together, but I kept saying to her that I just want to be friends. We sat down the other day and she ended up storming off. So... That's it" Ashton said, his head facing down the whole time.

I pause, taking it all it. "I'm so sorry, it must have been difficult." I reply, placing a reasurring hand on his back.

"It's okay. I just feel bad that she wanted more from me that I can offer. She knew my schedule. I just wish I could find someone that understands that" he sighs.

"I get you, like a no strings things?" I ask.

"Basically yeah, it's how things with her started, but then it clearly got more complicated. Feelings get mixed up. Sex turns into moving in. It went quickly." he says.

"I get that. My ex jumped ahead, its scary, especially if you aren't ready for it" I reply, sighing.

"You went through the same thing?" Ashton asks, looking at me.

I pause, preparing myself to tell the story.

"Yup, and it ended messy. We dated for 5 months. Started off as a hook up after meeting on Tinder, and somehow he turned it into a relationship. I basically felt forced into it, he kept saying 'it's the right thing' when in reality I didn't want it. He insisted on making it a serious relationship, meeting family and making it official on social media. When I tried to end it, all I'd get is abuse, calling me crazy and stupid. In the end I managed to leave him, but he ended up stalking me for weeks after. In the end I got a retraining order, and I've had no trouble since" I said.

Ashton sat and listened to my entire story in silence, nodding a little and sighing with me.

"Wow, you've been through a lot" he said.

"Yup, but then I look at how happy I am now, at my new job, making new friends and meeting new faces each and every day, it gives me so much happiness" I reply smiling. Ashton smiles at this comment, knowing that I'm hinting at him.

"That makes me happy to hear. I'm glad we met y'know Y/N, you're a lovely girl" Ashton says.

"Thanks Ash, I guess you're alright" I reply giving him a wink. He jokingly pushes me to the ground, and jokingly pins me down to the sand, holding both of my hands. We're both laughing, before it all goes quiet. I look deeply into his eyes, memerizing each part of his face. His cute dimples on his cheek, the crease in his lips. Realising what he was doing, all of a sudden he gets up and walks in a circle.

I pause, confused.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, sorry, I shouldnt have done that" he replies worryingly.

"It's okay, we were only messing around. It was funny" I replied, shocked at how serious he was taking this.

"If you're sure, just don't wanna hurt you" he replies.

I laugh. "I'm a big girl Ash, I'll be okay" I laugh. He chuckles, rolling his eyes, before sitting back down on the picnic blanket again.

****

We get back to the Hotel, and I'm greeted by a beaming Camila, who introduces herself to Ashton, Sierra and Luke.

"Please excuse Miss Y/L/N, she's needed in a room urgently." she requests, dragging me arm away to room 263. She pulls me into the room, and I see Ed is already sat there patiently waiting, on the bed, legs and arms crossed.

"What in earth?" I whisper, realising that we're in a guests room.

"Oh don't worry they checked out an hour ago, no one new expected until later on" Cami reasurres me.

"So, spill some tea sis!!!" Ed chimes.

"Why didn't you tell us you were meeting up with the curly haired boy?!" Cami says.

"OK so his name is Ashton, and he's really sweet. We hung out with his friends at the beach, nothing special" I shrug.

"It looked pretty special to me, looked like a double date" Camila smirked. Ed clapped his hands at this.

"Ashton isn't really looking for... Anything... Or anyone for that matter... At the moment, so it definitely wasn't a date, just hanging out." I shrug, trying to contain my excitement that he was pretty cute.

"But still, he is cute girl, you gotta admit that" Camila said, smiling.

"Yeah, he is, I like him". I said, smiling and dancing around the room a little. Ed and Camila join in dancing with me, before we're interrupted by a knock. Camila forgot to shut the door behind her.

"You lot seem... Happy?" Ashton questions, seeing us all dancing. I can feel myself turning bright red, hoping that he didn't hear what I just said.

"Erm.. Yeah, just happy that it's the weekend!" Ed smiles, trying to cover our backs.

"Speaking of which, cool if I grab Y/N?" Ashton asks.

"You go ahead sweetie, we'll be just here". Camila grins from ear to ear, ushering Ed out of the room, and hide behind the corner so they can hear every word. I roll my eyes at this action.

Ashton chuckeled. "Your friends are funny".

"Yeah they're petty decent. Did you have a good day? I hope you liked the beach and that you liked the food also, because I really was worried tha-" I said.

"It was perfect, Y/N, thank you. Luke commented on how much of a great tour guide you were for us today. So thankyou. Plus you have a good eye for nice food!" Ashton smiles, lightly brushing his finger along my cheek. I can feel myself shudder at this light touch, making me legs feel like jelly.

"Speaking of food, to say thank you, I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight, just me and you. Is that okay?" Ashton asked.

I pause, shocked at his request.

"I-I would love to" is all I manage to reply.

"Great, it's a date" he winks, before walking off.

****

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

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