#maybe a bit too much based on my own experiences after clubbing

[anitalianfrie]

cele/bezz + things you said when you were drunk

-daisy (@lastlatebraker)

things you said when you where drunk (bezzetti)

“Stronzo! Eat your own things, not mine!” shouts Pecco, shoving Mig aside. Mig collapses on the chair, laughing, a big laugh that comes from the stomach, and Luca falls down on the sticky surface of the table, headfirst, shoulders shaking. 

Cele looks at them from the other side of the table, eyes blinking, trying to clear his head. He drank just enough to feel completely stupid, but now he wishes the feeling could be washed away in a second, with a snap of his fingers. It’s five am, and they are sitting inside of a kebab shop, after getting out of the club all wobbly and laughters, leaning onto each other to not fall down. 

Nelli, the only one sober enough to still walk straight, plops down in the chair next to his, the tray in his hands hitting heavily the table, a couple of chips falling out of it and on the wood, thanks to the impact. Somebody’s hand immediately reaches out to get them. 

Cele kind of feels in his own world. Words don’t stick, flying around in his head, and he can’t grab them, make them stay still enough for him to give them any meaning or sense. 

He keeps blinking, hard, in the hope of something sticking. Nothing does. 

Something hits him in the shoulder, hard. He almost jumps from the surprise, but then he turns his head, and it’s only Marco. Marco who drank too much, so much that when they got into the kebab shop he simply collapsed onto a table and didn’t say a word, didn’t even ask for food. 

He always gets like this, when he drinks too much. Confused and loose limbed. Affectionate, almost sticky in his need. Cele doesn’t mind it, when Marco comes from behind him on the dance floor and hugs him tight, screaming in his ear, or when he wraps one of his arms around his waist while they wait for their drinks at the bar. He likes it, actually.  

Maybe more than he should. 

Cele gets one of his arms around Marco’s shoulders and squeezes, bringing him a bit closer. Marco smiles, his eyes closed.  

The others are still talking, laughing, and Luca is moving his hands around wildly, pieces of lettuce flying out of his sandwich. Cele stops trying to understand what they are saying. 

Marco starts nuzzling against Cele’s neck, and the brush of his untamed hair against his skin makes him ticklish. It’s... nice. A smile spreads on his lips. He can feel Marco’s mouth stretching against his neck, in a curve that’s twin to his own. 

Cele mindlessly puts one of his hands in Marco’s curls, playing with them, and Marco melts against him.  

It’s only the two of them in the whole world. 

After some time, Marco, uncoordinated and messy, puts one hand on Cele’s thigh and climbs up with his mouth, reaching Cele’s ear. 

“You know.” he says, whispers, and Cele can feel his lips against his skin. The sting of his scruff.  

“You know,” he continues, “I think. If you were a girl. I would fuck you.” and then he giggles, one of his soft laughs, burying his head deep down into the crook of his neck, pushing his nose against the muscles. 

Cele can feel his blood pumping, in his hands, in his veins, in his carotid against which Marco is hiding his face. He doesn’t-  

He tries to make sense of the word he just heard. Maybe the alcohol just scrambled them too. But Cele can see them, written in front of his eyes, and they are not moving. He can feel their sour taste against his tongue with extreme clarity. 

If you were a girl. 

Cele wishes the alcohol could make him feel stupid again, sheepish and without a care in the world. But it’s too late. It’s gone now. 

If you were a girl. 

Mig shoves a chip in his face. 

“Do you want it? I put some lemon on it, it's a banger!” 

Cele takes the chip. 

It tastes like tears. 

Marco keeps nuzzling against his neck. 

send me a pairing and one of these and i’ll write a mini fic

#does this make sense? i don't know #maybe a bit too much based on my own experiences after clubbing #and chips with lemon are a banger. (i think. i was a bit drunk when i ate them so) #bezzetti #motogp #my fics #and of course it's angsty because life always is

[dramallamas]

Because you cannot pry British Juwon from my hands here are some Juwon headcanons based on his time in England and a bit about how it affects his life in Korea. Featuring Kwon Hyeok obviously.

Language Headcanons:

He is bilingual and is fully fluent in both English and Korean.

He learnt French in school but has forgotten most of it.

It actually got to a point where he would forget words in Korean and ask Hyeok what they were. So he would write down words he forgot and memorise them.

He still sometimes, tho very very rarely, forgets words. He has a note in his phone of them.

He spoke Korean with Hyeok but whenever either of them went out, they spoke English.

Hyeok was fluent but has not maintained the same level as Juwon since moving back to Korea.

Juwon mumbles in English to himself when thinking hard and believing he’s alone. However, people have caught him do this from time to time.

His English voice is a tiny bit deeper than his Korean one but not many people notice it (DS does tho 👀).

He speaks English pretty articulately, and has more of a southern accent.

He says scone like phone and not like gone.

Dongsik adores when Juwon speaks English and has actually picked up a couple words himself.

Unconsciously swears in English… including in rated E moments.

When he’s stressed/upset and gets the opportunity to just explode (obviously after he’s bottled it) he talks in a mush of both languages.

Other Headcanons:

Juwon went to a private school in England and Hyeok taught him extra at home.

He did not have a lot of friends but had one or two that he liked tolerated.

Definitely got picked on by other kids for being quiet or weird. That was until he full on punched a kid and got in deep shit for it, but nobody picked on him again so Juwon called it a win.

He though british/western food was mostly bland but there was a certain elegance and comfort in its simplicity.

Did not go out often, and flat out refused to go to clubs.

He did apply for UK universities and did a year or two before going to the Korean Police Uni.

Did get into a good uni, like Russell group uni (maybe Oxford?), and yet didn’t get accommodation and simply got his own place instead (his hate of sharing things and richness coming into play). He also learnt to cook there.

His father never visited but did send money to the two of them, though Hyeok also got a job out there.

He does not have the best spice tolerance due to western food being… not that spicy.

He has an English name, but doesn’t like to use it unless he has to. He much prefers Juwon.

Has been asked out by a variety of people but turned everyone down as politely as possible (unless they were pushy then he got annoyed and was very bitchy about it). He has never been interested in anyone.

Has read every single sherlock holmes book in English and still has copies in his Seoul apartment.

The only jobs he had in England were from mandatory work experience. 

Despite not really being social, he did get to know a book store worker when he went to purchase something out of the classics section.

Yes he read classics and older literature, you’re gonna tell me he didn’t? But his guilty pleasure was fantasy books. He definitely read mostly in English (more accessible) but did pick up the odd Korean book too.

His notes for cases in korea are a mash of Korean and English, mostly just writing in whatever language flows out first. There’s not a lot of time to get them down and nobody else is gonna see them so he doesn’t care about it.

Feel free to drop your own thoughts and opinions and reminder that these are MY HEADCANONS and may not fully align with yours :)

#beyond evil #괴물 #kdrama #han juwon #jwds #british juwon for the soul #as someone who relates to juwon and is british and is multilingual #i say this is correct information #👍

[moodywyrm]

hi mooney!

i just wanted to share my thoughts on abby n chubby reader (this was definitely NOT based on personal experience or anything) uhm, maybe slight trigger warning for implying an eating disorder?

maybe abby took reader out for lunch or something n absentmindedly said something about reader eating a big meal, (ex. "baby, you sure you're gonna eat all that?") not even meaning it in a bad way but reader thinking abby's suggesting she eat a little less, so reader just loses her appetite and goes kinda silent n doesn't say anything for the rest of lunch cs it reminds her of things her exes have said abt her; abby jus thinking she's sleepy, it goes on for like a couple days n abby getting worried cs her girl is eating less than usual n it's starting to affect her, like reader being more silent, slightly shaking a bit cs of how little she's eating n sleeping more cs her not eating is leading to less energy n it's jus reader falling back into how she used to treat herself before she met abby

abby finally decides to confront reader n reader jus letting the flood gates open n SOBBING to abby about how she thinks abby doesn't love her anymore n how she's sorry for eating so much n just saying how she's trying to get rid of the weight by not eating as much to get her body used to it.

abby is absolutely SHOCKED n confused on why her sweet angel is doing this n when reader explains what abby said, abby jus feels so bad n gives reader the best comfort n reassuring her that she meant nothing by it ["baby i swear! i didnt know :( jus didn't want you getting a tummy ache cs you ate a big breakfast too but i didnt mean you should stop taking care of yourself! :(( ] n abby jus making all of reader's favorite foods n making sure her girl is gettin all her nutrients n stuff in n jus being super comforting by letting reader cry some more n stuff

sorry if this is so long, jus had this thought bobbing around my head n needed to share it with someone :( feel free to get to this anytime ♡︎ hope you're having an amazing day/night

(also, could i be 💌 or 🐇 anon?)

TW: disordered eating, internalized fatphobia + hatred

hi baby! 1) imma choose 💌 bc it's so cute! 2) I'll say it, I have had this experience before (though admittedly without the sweet masc to help me out), so let's go! of course, trigger warning for disordered eating and general discomfort around food and body image. if you can't or don't want to read that, avoid this. avoid it like the plague.

it all started with a comment. you and abby were having brunch after class, as a treat for you having just submitted a huge assignment. and you're starving! you had no time before class to eat, and then your class was an eighty minute chunk. so you're so hungry, and you order a full meal, a smoothie plus a California club and sides! grapefruit, onion rings, fries. (obviously if you have any allergies or preferences, just imagine it's something else for this. the actual food isn't critical to the plot). and when you tell the server your order and they leaves, Abby turns to you and says "You gonna eat all of that, baby?"

and of course she doesn't mean it in a shamey, how-could-you-eat-all-of-that way. she meant it in a can-you-eat-all-of-that-without-getting-a-tummy-ache way. but that's not how it registered. and it makes you feel sick, even when you answer "maybe I'll just take the leftovers"

you definitely end up taking the leftovers, because you get maybe two bites into the sandwich, nibbling on the sides, and decide to just finish the smoothie. you have basically your entire meal untouched, and abby gets full off her own meal, so you have two containers of leftovers to take home, which makes you feel so shitty. and you can hear every negative voice in your head rise up, from family members to peers to exes, everyone who ever fatshamed you and made you feel wrong for trying to nourish your body.

you're quiet all the way home, quiet for days after. abby just assumes you're tired, knowing that you have a lot of school work. and partly, she's right. you are tired. you're fuckign exhausting because you're eating maybe one meal a day, (not) sustaining yourself on coffee and water, doing all of your assignments with no energy whatsoever. and you're fighting yourself, not knowing how to bring it up to abby. that it's not because of what she said, she didn't mean it, but it kind of is because of what she said. and it hurts so fucking bad. so yeah, you're exhausted.

it all comes to a head when you're sitting, kneeling, in front of your mirror, doing your makeup or just getting ready, and when you stand up, you nearly pass out. you're so lightheaded, slamming your hand out to the wall, trying not to fall over. your vision swims, and you try to stabilize yourself. abby, who was sitting at her desk, immediately gets up, practically flying to you and holding you up.

"shit, baby, are you okay?" and she sounds so concerned, you fucking break. the tears are so fast, you don't stand a chance at stopping them. you're standing there, sobbing, and abby is terrified. because she doesn't know why. so she gently guides you over the bed, still crying, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and trying to get you to a state where you can talk.

it takes about fifteen minutes, but you get there, still crying, still hiccuping out sobs, but at least somewhat intelligible.

"I just. I know you didn't mean it to be mean. But last week, at the restaurant, when you asked if I was gonna eat all of the food and-" You can't keep talking because it all floods back to you and you're crying again, clinging to abby like a lifeline, chest hurting from the sobs. But now Abby gets it. She remembers what she said and she figures out how it might've sounded and now she feels like shit. Because she never wanted to hurt you, but intent doesn't matter right now because she did hurt you.

"I'm so sorry baby. I didn't mean to say it like that, and I'm so sorry my words hurt you. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I only asked because I didn't want your stomach to hurt, but I should have worded it so much better. I never, ever, want you to feel guilty about eating, or anything, with me."

You're still crying, still clinging to her, but trying to get the words out. "It's okay baby, I should've" hiccup "should've talked to you, told you how I felt but I just froze" hiccup "and I was so scared you would think I was gross, so I stopped eating so much but that didn't help anything-" and again, you're crying so hard your head hurts, and now Abby is crying, sniffling, trying to hide it because this is about you and she knows if you hear her crying you'll worry about her. So she presses a kiss to your head, rubbing her hands up and down your back.

"I wish you would have talked to me, but I know it's scary and hard and it's so easy in theory. But I'm so sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I will always be here for you, baby, always." and when she here's you whisper out a small "I love you", she hauls you into her lap. You're still crying, because you need to let it out, but Abby doesn't move a fucking inch, holding you for as long as you need.

Once you've calmed down enough to move to the couch, Abby gets to work cooking you your favorite meal, trying not to overload you with so much ood that'll make your tummy hurt, but trying to give you a good, balanced dinner after a week of hurt. Sitting at the kitchen island, watching you eat pasta with some lingering trepidation but an overwhelming amount of trust on your face, she would never trade that moment for anything, Abby knows that, for the rest of her life, she wants to take care of you. Wants you to live a life where food isn't pain or punishment, and you're allowed to nourish yourself and enjoy food when you want to.

#💌 anon #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x reader fluff #abby anderson fluff #tw ed implied

[kpopficsssssss]

Something Different

Jaemin x Reader (ft. Jeno and Haechan)

Genre: angst, fluff - proofread ✅

Summary: A co-worker invites you go clubbing with some other co-workers and friends. Among those includes Jaemin, who you’ve been crushing on since you started working for SM Entertainment as a staff member. But eventually the night gets to you and you just want to go home - who comes to your rescue?

Word Count: 4k

Content Warnings: use of she/her pronouns, reader is y/n, alcohol use, being pretty intoxicated, being distrusting, anxiety bcuz clubs are overstimulating, finger nail picking, I can’t think of anything else

AN: this is sorta based off the premise that you moved to Korea for college and because of your skills (in whatever field) you applied and were hired by SM as staff. You’re usually assigned to work with NCT Dream.

Moving to South Korea, on my own, not too many people i want to keep contact with back home, I could that was getting a little lonely. Life before Korea was filled with pain and heartache. So when I had an opportunity for a fresh I took it eagerly. I very rarely have time to go out and interact with people besides those at work and college. Finals were finally over for this semester and to say my brain was overexhausted was an absolute understatement. The Saturday after finals week I got a text from a co-worker, Sujin, that I’m friendly with - one that I could see myself calling a good friend if only we had more time together - inviting me to come with her and some others to a club the next weekend. I am not a club person, the crowds and the darkness mixed with flashing lights made me light headed and worst of all - I’m a total light-weight. Regardless I accepted, hopefully this was my chance to actually make friends and have someone to talk to. Trust and relationships of any kind were extremely difficult for me due to past experiences, but I was trying to get out of my comfort zone so I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life alone.

I had a little money saved, not a lot, but enough to maybe buy a round or two of drinks for the table. After already accepting the invitation, I asked who all was coming.

Sujin: not 100% :/ I know Jia is going and I’m pretty sure some other staff member, Jaemin, Haechan, And Jeno are going and also bringing a friend

Well fuck. I had been into Jaemin since I started working at SM. He’s just so cute and so handsome at the same time and he’s always able to make me laugh no matter how I’m feeling. I could never tell him though, I’m positive he isn’t interested and I’m not about to embarrass myself with someone I have to interact with several times a week. There’s occasional flirting that makes my beat almost violently but he seems to be that way with everyone. I did my best not to let any of it get to me and keep my relationship and my stance towards him completely professional.

Y/N: oh okay sounds good😙 see you Monday<3

——————————————————————————

*time jump to the next weekend*

(AN: so I have this outfit pictured but, of course, you can do whatever you want :P)

I took a last (actually a few more) looks at my outfit and adding accessories. I was so nervous my hands had a slight shake to them but I persevered. I walked out of my room and into the front area were Sujin and the co-worker Sujin mentioned, Jia, were also making their finishing touches. We all agreed to meet up at my apartment to get ready together and pregame.

“Oh my god! I’m never seen you show so much skin, you look so pretty!” Sujin smiled, excitedly.

“You guys look gorgeous too. I’m so nervous, I feel like everyone is gonna see my whole ass at some point.” I chuckled, tugging the dress down my legs a bit more.

I sat on the couch next to Jia as Sujin sat on the rug underneath my coffee table, carefully gluing a few jewels to her face while staring into a table mirror.

“So how well does everyone know everyone that will be there?” I questioned as I folded my legs up next to me on the couch.

“A higher up staff member is coming, his name is Bumsoo - pretty sure he does something in production. I haven’t really talked to him a lot. Jeno’s friend… I think his name is Jiyun, Jihoon, or something. Haechan and his friend, don’t know his name. And Jaemin and a friend of his, Aera. So not a lot.” Jia stated whiled scrolling through her phone.

My heart sunk so far down I forgot how to breathe for a second. Aera? Is she his girlfriend? Someone he’s seeing? I’ve never heard talk about Jaemin dating or seeing anyone - and it’s kind of part of my job to know these things. Maybe it wasn’t important for me to know from higher-ups but still, there was no talk around the building for it either that I was aware of. Before I could think about what I was saying, I blurted out, sharply:

“Who’s Aera?”

The sound in my voice was very obviously on edge which signaled to Sujin, who was still somewhat paying attention, to pause her gluing. She glanced at me over the mirror with one eyebrow quirked. Before she could say anything Jia answered.

“A friend, I assume - maybe a little more than a friend, who knows. I haven’t heard anything about any of the three dating at the moment.”

Sujin squinted at me as my expression went from stressed to still stressed but slightly relieved. She definitely caught that but she kept it to herself thankfully. I was getting the impression that Jia has the beginning of being a huge gossip. Who knows who would get word of that information of my liking Jaemin. The higher-ups could assign me somewhere else if someone found out but then again maybe they don’t care. Either way, I relieved by her silence.

We chatted a bit more before Sujin politely interrupted and asked about pregaming.

“Oh yeah, almost forgot. I brought a couple different things.” Jia said as she got up and began walking over to her bags.

She brought the plastic bag to the coffee table pulled out two bottles of soju - green grape and apple flavored. I didn’t have the appropriate cups for soju so we all just grabbed regular glass cups and poured however much we saw fit. Once we finished and Sujin was done with her makeup, we called an Uber and left for the club.

——————————————————————————

Immediately stepping into the club, I was overwhelmed. It was a very nice club, very high class it seemed. I had only been to clubs back home and they were far from “nice.” The whole building had a blue tint to it with strobe lights illuminating the dance area. I grabbed onto Sujin’s arm as to not get lost in the crowd. She turned to look at me and giggled - I’m sure my facial expression had a hint of being horrified to it. We eventually made it to the tables on the opposite side of the club from the entrance and looked for our party. It took a minute trying to see through all the people and the loud music distracting almost every sense. Eventually I felt Sujin’s body jerk from side to side, I quickly checked to see what was happening and saw her waving her arm side to side. I guess she found our table. My stomach lit up with what felt like millions of butterflies fluttering around. I was nervous but also extremely excited. Jaemin had never seen me dressed up before, no one had. I felt confident enough to were the nervousness I felt before died down and was replaced with anticipation.

We all greeted each other before we all settled into the seating. Our arrival seemed to trigger a round of shots being brought out to our table, but we then found out that Jeno’s friend had already ordered a round of shots before we had arrived.

Jaemin looked so heavenly and unbelievably sexy. He had a white top and a dark wash jean jacket and black pants from what I could see. His smile so gorgeous and cute that I lost my train of thought for a few seconds. Next to him was Aera, who was not at all what I was picturing. She was a very handsome woman, with a short wolf cut, white button up, blue jeans, and had her keys on a carabiner that was hooked to her belt loop. She was extremely attractive, if I wasn’t so severely down bad for Jaemin I would’ve tried my best to chat her up. We all chatted for a bit, general conversation and ice breakers. I took note that Aera mentioned her partner a couple times, they sound like a very cute couple.

We had pregamed before leaving, nothing crazy, just enough to get a start on a buzz. However, I was so nervous the entire day that I had failed to eat anything in the last several hours. Having now only realized, I panicked a little. ‘I’ll just pace myself until food is ordered’ I thought. I silently prayed to whatever god or gods that the frequency of hard liquor being ordered would be minimal but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

After a couple hours, I was definitely drunk, and it was very obvious. Even in this state I was self aware enough to be embarrassed and tried as hard as I could to act more sober. I tried to avoid talking to Jaemin or even having him see me at all. At some point, I was drunk to enough to go dance with Sujin and Aera. Basically just dirty dancing and grinding with each other, I was having a blast. Eventually going back to the table for more drinks and then back to dancing. At that point, any gracefulness I had in my body was nowhere to be seen. I was stumbling and almost knocked to the ground by the bodies around me. I began to panic a bit and tried to escape the crowd, desperately searching for an exit.

I stumbled out into what looked like an alley, the street lights illuminated the area enough to see almost everything clearly. Both ends were closed off by a gate and completely empty. Was it smart to be in a dark alley alone and drink? Probably not, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to catch my breath. I slumped against the wall and closed me eyes, listening to the faint noises of the city’s night life. Suddenly, I heard a click and the music from inside the club become louder for a few seconds. I turned to attention towards the door and immediately recognized Jaemin’s figure. He made his way towards me as the door slammed shut. I froze and the butterflies came back with a wave of embarrassment. I really didn’t want him to see me so drunk. I straightened up and tried to readjust my clothes without him noticing.

“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked once he got to a reasonable distance for conversation.

“Oh yeah, I’m good. It’s just really loud in there” I smiled, being diligent with how my words came out.

Jaemin looked around and noticed what I had noticed earlier.

“It’s a little scary out here,” he chuckled, “I’ve wondered what it looked like back here.”

I giggled, definitely too much for what was said, as I stared down at my feet, lightly kicking a rock around, and sighed.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, taking a step closer. “You seemed really stressed when you ran out here.”

The butterflies excitement in my stomach intensified. Was he watching me? Had he been watching me all night? I wanted so badly to kiss him and tell him everything I thought about him and how I wanted him to be mine. But I bit my tongue as hard as I could (figuratively) in order to keep cool.

“Um… I guess I’m kinda partied out…” I spoke quietly. I couldn’t help but feel ashamed, like I was ruining the night for others. Sujin, Jia, and I had planned on ubering back together and spending the night at a hotel room. I didn’t want to cancel the plans and have them have to pay for what I was supposed to for my part. My plan was just to wait until they were ready to leave.

“Yeah, me too. I was about to head out. You should too, get some rest, drink some water.”

“I mean.. I would… but I can’t. I don’t really have the money for an Uber after tonight, we were gonna spilt the bill…” Even though I had barely said anything to Jaemin, I felt as though I was going to collapse from lightheadedness and the blood drain from my face.

“I’ll drive you - if that’s okay with you.” The beginning of the sentence was very matter-of-fact. I questioningly looked up at him.

“Aren’t you drunk?”

“No,” he laughed, “it’s been a couple hours since I drank anything.”

“Mmm… I don’t think.. I mean like - I feel bad about you doing that for me.” I stuttered.

“Please, let me take you home. We can talk about how you feel about this later., but for now we need to get you to bed.” Jaemin smiled. It was so beautiful I had to look away to make sure I wouldn’t stare up stare at his lips.

I simply nodded and then I felt Jaemin’s hand on the small of my back to guide me towards the door.

——————————————————————————

Jaemin POV

Usually, going out to a place like this meant looking for someone so we could entertain each other for the night. I would be drinking and dancing and girls would just come up to me and that was that. I always had fun, but not tonight. Tonight, she came, and she looked more than beautiful - there are no words to describe how she looked. I had never seen her dressed this way, her silhouette was so sexy. It took me aback but I quickly regained myself. She greeted me and her smile made me feel as though rays of sunshine ran through my veins. She was so warm and bright, you couldn’t help but love her.

Then, after the first and second round of shots, she got up to dance. And I remembered that everyone else could see her this way too. She wasn’t mine, we barely talked, but I couldn’t help but feel angry at everyone who looked at her. But then again how could I blame them? Right then I decided I needed watch her, make sure her night goes well. It was almost an instinct, she was just so gentle and shy at times. People could take advantage of that.

I watched her dance, smiling and moving her hips and body in a way that suddenly made my pants extremely uncomfortable. ‘She barely talks to me, you’re not even friends, this isn’t your place’ I convinced myself as to not grab her and hide her away. A sudden jab in my arm broke my concentration.

“Did you hear anything I said?” Jeno spat. I jerked my head to face the rest of the people present at the table. Everyone smiling and giggling.

“He was not even on this plane, he was staring at his girl.” Haechan chuckled.

“She’s not my girl.” I mumbled.

“But she could be if you grew a pair.”

I sat back in the seat and thought about that. I had been flirting with her since she starting working at SM but she always shut me down. There’s no way she feels like same… regardless, I continued to look after her.

After coming back to the table for more drinks, y/n and the other girls went back to dancing. I couldn’t help but notice how unstable she seemed. I lost her in the crowd for a minute or two. Just as I stood to look around better, I caught a glimpse of her running to the back exit.

Quickly I started for the door and shouted something along the lines of “I’ll be back” to my friends.

Finally pushing past the last grouping of people I opened the door and stepped outside. I saw her before she saw me, her eyes closed and her skin shimmering from the sweat that had accumulated from dancing, no doubt. The street lights gave her a soft glow. As if her sunshine aura was spilling out into some tangible.

She head turned to me as she opened her eyes and a smile quickly took a hold of her lips. She slowly twirled to face me, her head not leaving the concrete wall behind it. Her cheeks were flushed, she looked so cute I just wanted to squeeze her as hard as I could and kiss all over her sweet face. I could barely focus on the conversation with how mesmerizing she looked right now. I know she was definitely drunk and that it was probably time to go home.

“I mean.. I would… but I can’t. I don’t really have the money for an Uber after tonight, we were gonna spilt the bill…” she pouted, lower lip slightly sticking out. Her state had been declining slowly through the conversation, she looked so tired.

“I’ll drive you,” spilled out of my mouth before I could think, “…if that’s okay with you.” After some convincing, I managed to get her to let me take her home.

——————————————————————————

Y/N POV

Jaemin led me to the table, Sujin and Aera had returned and Sujin immediately started scolding me.

“Where were you? I couldn’t find you anywhere and I called and - you just can’t do that!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t hear it …” I looked down and began picking at my fingernails. I felt so bad for going home so early.

“I’m going to take y/n home, I’ll check with you guys later. Let me know when everyone’s home.” Jaemin said as he gathered his things and mine. Jeno and Haechan seemed upset but with a glint of mischievousness at the same time. Maybe it was my current state playing tricks on me. Sujin and Jia asked me if I was okay and I assured them I was and apologized for leaving. Once Jaemin had gathered everything and paid his part of the tab, he stood and waited for me to finish.

“I’ll send you guys some money for my share, I’m sorry.” I yelled to them as I started to fast walk to Jaemin, I didn’t catch their reply.

Once we reached Jaemin’s car, he opened my door and held out his hand for me to grab as I threw myself into the passenger seat. As he closed to door, rested my head on the head rest and sighed deeply. It was so quiet in here, so still. It was really refreshing. Like I could think again - the alcohol was slowly wearing off but I was still fairly drunk. Jaemin got in the car as I was taking my heels off and neatly sat them together on the floor as to not dirty the floor too much.

Once he had my address typed into the GPS, there was no talking. I didn’t mind though. I was thankful that I could just relax.

After awhile, I words began spilling out of my mouth without much thought as to what I was saying to him.

“You know, what I did wasn’t the smartest idea.” I smiled to myself, my attention on the buildings and trees quickly passing outside the passenger window.

“What did you do?” He questioned - eyes glued to the road.

“I’m letting a strange man drive me to my home. Not only did I get in his car, I gave him my address.”

“I’m not a strange man! You know me, we work together - plus everyone saw you leave with me. The suspect pool would be cut really short.”

I laughed lightly, still smiling. I rolled my head to look at him. His eyes focused, the cuffs of his jacket rolled up to his fore arm, hands on the wheel. My mind was quickly consumed by the need to take one and trace the lines on his palm, maybe leave a few kisses. I managed to redirected my attention back the conversation after a minute or two of imagining holding his hands… and having his hands on me, my body.

“But I don’t know you, do I? You don’t know me either. Maybe I’m dangerous.” I said, still admiring him.

“Well, judging by the way I basically had to carry you to the car and buckle you up, I’d say my chances of successfully defending myself are pretty good.” He snickered.

It was silent again for a couple minutes before he spoke again.

“Do you not feel comfortable around me? Like you don’t trust me?” His tone was cautious, the volume was slightly above audible.

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with you, I’m very comfortable with you. And that scares me.” I sighed, my attention back to my fingernails.

“I think you’re a good person, you’re nice and you’re always making me laugh, I like you.” I paused for a second thinking of how to word myself. I was starting to sober up some more now.

“But in truth, I don’t know you. You could secretly be a bad person, how would I know? Bad people always disguise themselves that way, they can get to more people and deal more damage that way. You can’t really trust anyone.”

Memories of home, where i came from, started flooding back to me. I began spiraling a bit before Jaemin said:

“I’m sorry that you have to go through life on edge like that. But sometimes you have to open up a bit to see how many good people there are.”

The rest of the way to my apartment was done in silence.

Jaemin parked out front of the building and scanned the area with a frown.

“I’m gonna be honest, I don’t really feel comfortable with you finding your way alone at this time of night.”

I’ll admit, the apartment building wasn’t the best or safest one out there. And it definitely looked like it at night.

“Can I walk you to your apartment?”

After a moment of contemplating I accepted and gave him directions to the parking garage. The trek to my apartment was filled with small talk and light-hearted laughter. A drastic change from the major downer bomb I dropped in the car. At this point I wasn’t really drunk anymore, just tired. So the conversations were much more coherent.

When we reached my door, we stood in front of each other awkwardly.

“Thank you… for driving me home… and walking me to my apartment… and everything else.” The last part came out as a laugh. We both giggled together for a second after assuring me it was his pleasure.

My phone dinged, probably some social app, but by instinct I went to check it and noticed the time.

“Oh my god it’s so late.”

“Yeah… I should probably get going then.” He brought one of his hand to back of his head as he threaded his fingers in his hair.

“You could stay the night if you want… I’d feel bad you driving more so late.” I shocked myself with my boldness. No hesitation, I’m giving him a chance. Jaemin grinned and stuttered for a second or two.

“Uh yeah I guess.. I guess I could do that, probably for the best.”

I offered him to take the bed since the couch is pretty small but he refused. I kept getting distracted as I was getting ready for sleep making sure Jaemin was comfortable. Which, in turn, stressed him out and kept saying he’s fine and he’ll manage. After giving him blankets and some of my oversized clothes to change into, we laughed and talked a little more until I was satisfied with his comfortableness.

Jaemin explained the importance of hydrating yourself before going to bed and insisted on standing in the kitchen to watch me drink at least two glasses of water. It was really hard not to choke while laughing at the ridiculousness of it. It felt as if we had been friends for a while, it was so easy to feel safe with him. I managed to down the last gulp, with a few droplets escaping onto my chin. Jaemin chuckled as he pushed himself off the counter he was leaning on. Suddenly he was right in front of me, inches away from my face. My mind went blank as his hand made its way to my face. He gently held my chin between thumb and pointer finger and swiped the droplets from my chin and lower lip.

“I wanted to say this earlier but didn’t have the confidence to,” he spoke so softly and gentle, almost whispering, “I like you too … and I would love more than anything to show you that I’m worthy of your trust.”

AN: thank u for reading, this is my first time writing like this. _(:3 」∠)_

#nct #nct dream #nct imagines #nct dream fanfic #nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #jaemin #jaemin fanfic #jaemin scenarios #jaemin scenario #jaemin nct #jaemin x reader #jaemin nct dream #nana nct

[the-lark-ascending69]

Now I'm thinking about a His Dark Materials x Stranger Things AU and the similarities are just enough for it to make a lot of sense but both stories have so much material (pun intended) in them that I don't even know where to start, other than with the fact that the scientists and Brenner and everyone is the Magisterium, Will is taken by the Gobblers/the General Oblation Board, El is probably from Will's World (Will Parry's world, not to be confused with Will Byers - there are just too many Wills here), and she doesn't have a visible dæmon. Barb is a bit too old to be taken by the Gobblers - she probably got caught finding information she shouldn't know and they got rid of her. I feel like the Byers would be gyptians, too, living in a gyptian boat. Henry Creel was probably the one to first open a gate between world by ripping himself apart from his own dæmon, and that's part of how he kills people - severing from their dæmons, killing them, opening a gate. The parallels are just too strong!

But I wouldn't set it in Europe like the original books... I would set it in North America, in their canon location.

The Globetrotter's Map shows that the United States does not exist in this world - instead you get New Denmark, Texas, and Beringia (Alaska), bordering Hispania Nova to the south and New France to the north. That would make them New Danish, right? And maybe the only General Oblation Board facility is in Svalbard and they need to go all the way across New France and Greenland to get there, or maybe this time around there's a facility in Beringia, or simply in the New French far north. Somewhere far away, hopefully where you can see the northern lights. I like that idea, to keep it more North America inspired.

After whatever experiments they perform on Will, he can separate from his dæmon like a witch, but it also kind of feels like his dæmon can cross worlds without need for a portal, and this happens unexpectedly and without them being able to control it. El, of course, is considered an aberration since she does not have a dæmon, but the party pretty quickly figures that she does - it's just "inside of her".

Jonathan is maybe a photographer who got his hands on some special equipment to photograph dust - something he shouldn't be allowed to own. Steve is on his way to joining the Magisterium's law enforcement arm, though he quickly realizes how horrible the Magisterium really is. Jason is the one who stays there and continues to rise through the ranks. Eddie is the town heretic who just wants to enjoy his fantasy books - banned by the Magisterium for promoting subversive ideas about God, or just not having God be present, or whatever. He has a small secret fantasy reading club where he and the boys like to enjoy forbidden literature about dragons and knights and play board games based on them. The town does not like it. El can communicate directly with Dust. She's like a human alethiometer. Robin is New Denmark's most dangerous polyglot who just accidentally intercepted some weird messages on the radio in multiple different languages about missing children in Beringia. Hopper used to work for the Magisterium as a law enforcer until his daughter mysteriously disappeared and they refused to give him an answer. Max is just there to punch God in the face.

It's almost 6 am and I haven't had any sleep so idk if this makes sense... but it makes sense in my little heart

#stranger things #his dark materials #stranger things hdm AU #and don't get me started on everyone's dæmons! #i just know Nancy has a crow. Dustin a racoon. Steve a borzoi. Robin a small porcupine. Eddie a opossum. Joyce some kind of mustelid? #max maybe a wolverine or a cat. Will maybe a moth. Hopper most likely a big dog like a great dane. #idk about Lucas Mike Jonathan and a few others #though Jonathan could be like a moth or an owl. definitelly something nocturnal. #oh and Billy gives me big hyena vibes #i was tempted to give robin a robin but i feel like small porcupines fit her better #Hopper could also be like. a boar. #and i feel like both mike and lucas might have dogs but i need to think more about that #argyle has idk an iguana maybe #Henry Creel used to have a spider

[eldritchamy]

hellloooooo ask for you amy. tell me about a minor character from your writing / worldbuilding

Thank you for watering my crops (giving me enrichment in my enclosure) by sending an ask

The unfortunate thing here is that my creative process is largely TOP DOWN, rather than BOTTOM UP, so I have a lot of CONCEPTS and some smaller scale details about the world, but in terms of CHARACTERS? Almost every named character has a pretty direct impact on the main plot and I can't really say much about them without getting into a bit more detail about the bits of worldbuilding or story they're connected to than I want to publicly post about.

And yet, behold, I must put a page break anyway.

The first one (and really almost ONLY one) that comes to mind is Jones/"Jonesy", a character who will be introduced in chapter 1 (like, opening scene), and won't have much (if any) relevance after that point, but saying much about him would require going into detail about the organization he works for, The House of Cards, which is kind of like a John Wick style Continental/High Table thing that's REALLY INTERESTING but too much of a "some data scraper would love to grab this idea for some company to steal and copyright" risk for me to really want to discuss outside of like, private messaging.

YOU, SPECIFICALLY, I would be willing to talk to about it if you wanted to maybe add me on discord. There's a NUMBER of things from the world and story I would love to loredump about and get your thoughts on, honestly.

He's basically the character who acts as a sort of messenger/recruiter who brings Ash into the first arc of the plot. There's not all that much to say about him because his role is SO minor (unless something changes). All the interesting stuff about him is really stuff about "The House" (think "The House Always Wins").

The House of Cards is divided into factions based on the suits in a deck of cards. The card suits in this world do not perfectly correlate to the ones we know (there are six instead of four, for starters). The ranks/authority/responsibility/clearance levels are based on the face value of the cards. Jones is a Star (the suit for messengers, couriers, etc. think of stars as the "connect the dots" faction), and his rank is 7. Rank 7s are called "Luckies". So "Jonesy" is a Lucky Star. And yes this WAS set up just to make it an Alien reference.

I would LOVE to say more, because the House is one of my favorite factions in the lore, but not on tumblr.

Almost every named character that currently exists exists because they are relevant to some specific organization, historic/lore event, or worldbuilding concept that I can't super comfortably talk about. Or, alternatively, there just isn't much to say about them.

There's a vampire-owned nightclub type space in the raunchier part of the main plot city (basically a red light district, might call it something like the Scarlet Borough depending on how I end up dividing the city up). The club is most likely called Crimsin and it functions as both a vampire safehouse and a kink space with a focus on S&M and particularly bloodplay (think consensual vampire feeding). The vampire who runs it is either Victoria Sarkov or Alina Caedir, I haven't decided. More likely Victoria. Alina probably does something else. I have not made fleshed out backstories for either of them currently, apart from an alternate cross between them being used as a character in my Forgotten Realms campaign. Which won't be relevant for this, since it's a fully original setting.

They're not huge fans of Cass. Cass is a very unusual vampire created in a very specific way who had some very specific experiences that all wrapped up into making her DECISIVELY the most powerful vampire in the world. Cass is basically a "first generation" vampire created DIRECTLY by some very powerful magic, and the circumstances of the casting made the spell especially potent. The vampires on Une aren't. Cass would be, as a base, the equivalent of an Original from TVDverse, plus some telekinetic abilities. Plus the equivalent of a Planeswalker spark. Plus a general massive power boost she got during the Horizon War when she drank the blood of .... something I won't talk about here. :)

Victoria doesn't love that she isn't the top of the food chain (especially considering Cass is much younger than her, and not originally from the same world), but for the most part they keep their distance from each other. Ash sometimes bothers Victoria for information. Vic tolerates this for 2 reasons: Ash is very, very tasty (there are Reasons for this) and an occasional patron in good standing, and Cass (whom Ash is very close with) is one of the only people that can substantially threaten Vic, although she's not likely to without a reason.

It's in Vic's best interest not to give her one.

Most of Une's vampires are a little intimidated by and somewhat resentful of Cass because she's one of their only real threats. For the most part Cass is utterly indifferent to them and minds her own business because she couldn't care less about vampire politics.

The other meaningful threat to vampires is angels, since they're the other major group of innately powerful semi-immortal people. Saints (the most populous of the angel subtypes in the Inner Realms) make up a meaningful percentage of the main city's governmental structure and especially law enforcement (kind of like Ravnica's Boros Legion). They also mostly leave vampires alone as long as they're not causing problems. Vampires are a known quantity of the world, but they're not a contagion that will spread uncontrollably without interference. Becoming a vampire is a slow and very much intentional process, it's not something that can really happen by accident. The only time vampires are a problem are when there are problem vampires, and problem vampires are usually dealt with by the rest of vampire society.

For the most part, the best way to keep vampires in check is to let vampires keep EACH OTHER in check. So places like Crimsin do not operate outside the law, they're just a fact of the world.

This got off topic a bit.

#Uneiverse

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

Oh this damn sport hurts my soul sometimes

USWNT v The Deutschland

Murphy… well it feels mean to blame her for the own goal. But I do feel comfortable questioning how the hell is she organizing her back line. That’s part of her job as a keeper and whenever she’s in.. full mess. She had some great saves, will never take that away from her though

Alana and Girma.. seemingly a solid future pairing. Some very bright moments pushing the ball up and some clutch saves. Naomi reads as calm but paying attention. Alana’s nonchalance sometimes reads as her not paying attention and getting caught extremely off guard. Right side was the weak side tonight.

Which begs the question. Why in the hell do Alana and Sofia not work better together. Club and country. Same spots. If it’s not fully clicking, I don’t think we should be making fetch happen.

Sofia had a quieter game because she obviously was not able to get up as much. That’s where she thrives. She did have a good physical presence though, I love when she decides she shall NOT be fucked with.

Fox did decent. She gets caught up too far sometimes and just does not react to get back. She was getting beat up out there which was very rude, someone give a helmet. Knee pads. Lil bit of bubble wrap. I think she’s very very good, but I would take a healthy Dunn over Fox.

Dunn. She did well. She wasn’t the game changer I think folks wanted her to be. But she’s a left back, I’m not counting on her to do it all. I think coming back from pregnancy and getting back in the mindset of two different positions should not be looked over. Midfield with club was the first priority. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took a little extra time to get back into defense.

Rose was going x games mode. I understand not overworking her, especially after that scary knee moment in the first half. But if we keep her fully healthy, gonna need to have her for ninety. The movement, the nutmegs. Only thing she was missing was getting off some banger shots. Girlie needed to SHOOT

Captain Lindsey KT tape Horan. She has the vision, she had the ability to create space, she has the headers, she has the bike attempts. Does she have the speed? Negative. I forget who, Alex maybe, tried to give and go with her and miss ma’am just, was not getting to the second ball. I think she had a pretty decent game but fatigue was apparent and I would have taken her off a little sooner.

Andi goes hard. I will always give her that. Broken record, but US Soccer needs to stop trying to pigeon hole her into a Julie Ertz role. The expectation of that position in our formation needs to be ADJUSTED.

I already voiced my opinion on Korn coming in. I think she’s great. Love her at San Diego so much. Don’t love the insistence on putting her in based on heading ability over a legitimate game plan. She shouldn’t be our Hail Mary last resort.

Coffey… at this point, I think it’s good she comes in to get experience. But as a 6, same thing as Andi. We gotta reevaluate what that position means.

Sanchez. Well thank god she came in. I was fucking waiting for that. A lovely spark

Mal. Mal is obviously talented as all get out. I will never argue that. But when she does the SAME ‘fake like she going to continue down the side, cut and explode centrally’ after it hasn’t worked 11 times. Idk maybe she wants to try something else. And if she wants to shoot, and she SHOULD, she needs to stop ruining her own angle

Sophia was doing so much. So much, all of the work. Somewhere… Carli Lloyd is praising her for being a harder worker than those 8 year olds she slandered on Twitter. But after all her work, her final ball was lacking. The amount of times she launched crosses and shots while falling away from the ball… it was too much. It seemed like she felt alone up top and didn’t have a good enough option and tried going alone.

Alex. Was quiet for most of the game. Which I don’t love. But will never doubt her ability to never stop. The tenacity to get the assist that late in the game. THAT Alex. It’s why she’s on the field over other people. Always.

Pinoe really said… hello new baby straights of the uswnt…. Here’s how us old lesbians get shit done. For real though. At least we can still count on her!!

And Trinity. Should have come in at half. Like Coffey, games like this are amazing experience since she is still so young. But her ability to just RUN. When she has 45 to ball out without the expectation of a ninety. She will GO. She showed she can blow past defenders and will come back on defense. She has the oomph we need to inject. More Trin.

And we have to do it again soon! Not in Florida though, so that’s a plus. I would LIKE to see Miss AD FRANCH and Kristen Anne Mewis to get some fuckin minutes.

#uswnt #Casey murphy #Alana cook #Naomi Girma #Emily fox #Sofia huerta #Crystal dunn #andi sullivan #sam coffey #rose lavelle #taylor kornieck #lindsey horan #ashley sanchez #alex morgan #mal pugh #sophia smith #Trinity rodman #Megan Rapinoe #ad franch #Kristie mewis

[hanna-kin]

Swedish facts- graduation edition

Swedish graduation is called Studenten.

Gymnasiet (High school) last for three years and you graduate (tar studenten) in the beginning of june.

Bare in mind I graduated many years ago so this is based on my experience and my school. But the basics are pretty much the same.

You don't have the same type of final exams many other countries have but for some subjects you have nationella proven (national exams) that are the same in every school of the country and you take them at the exact same time.

In other subjects you'll take normal tests and hand in your tasks throughout the year and the final grade will be based on how you perform over all.

But now to the fun part, studenten.

Usually you'll have some activities in the months before Studenten. Fun things you do with your class. The last month is especially filled with these things. It's usually both fun and a bit sentimental and it's pretty chill. (Was for me at least)

A common tradition which I didn't do is mösspåtagning which collerates with Valborg which I've previously written about.

This is what the hat looks like though the colour of the thingy in the middle depends on what program you studied (I did social science and mine was dark blue) you also write your name and your class and our year.

You also write messages in eachothers hats for memories.

👗Prom

A week or so before graduation you commonly have a prom. It's pretty straightforward. Many people have a date but it's also super normalised to just go with friends.

Since you typically only have one prom during your time at gymnasiet your final one is a big deal for many people. It’s very common to do your hair at the salon and maybe even your make up.

We had a "fancy" three course meal, danced and then left to go to a night club later in the evening.

The day of graduation often start super early. I think I woke up between 4.00 and 4.30 to get ready.

🍾 Champagne breakfast

On graduation day you usually start off the day with a champagne breakfast. It can start as early as 6-7 in the morning because you have busy day. Together with your classmates you buy lots of nice foods that you eat with your class before the cermony starts. You also drink alot (if you want to)

🍇🍉🍒🍓🍍🥭🥝🍑🍌🥖🥐🥞🧇🫒🍸🍾🍸🍾🍷🍾🍾🍺🍺🍺🍻🥂🥃🍸

Here's some of the typcial food you eat. Many people are wasted from like 8am to 4am the next day.

This is typically when you write in eachothers hats.

The "boring stuff"

Then there's usually some kind of cermony in school. You'll spend more time with your class and your teachers, the headmaster etc. You get your grades and say goodbye to your teachers.

There are often photos taken too by a professional photographer.

There will be speeches and scholarships handed out (not scholarships for collage or uni. That's still free. Basically just money)

We ate lunch in school too.

Then begins the fun part.

Utspringet

A common tradition is something we call "utspring"

Family and friends if the graduates gather outside and then you run outside either together with your class or one by one.

At my school it was divided by class and one my one your class will be called. You run out to a stage and everyone cheers you on and then you have to try to find your family among the sea of people which brings us to the next tradition.

Each family have their own poster that they can hold up in the crowd. It has picture of you (baby pictures are common) and your name and you usually try to find your own in the crowd which is very intense.

Then you typcially are greeted my family and friends and you get little bouquets of flowers, stuffed animals and small bottles of wine etc that you hang around your neck. You may get a whisle too to make you extra noisy.

I got a vuzuela.

After a while you typically gather with your class again and go into the next tradions (the order may vary)

Studentflaket

During the school year you safe up money with your class to rent a huge truck like the ones in the pictures. You decorate them with branches of birch and sheets that you write on. Then someone drive around in the middle of the city while you party on them and play music, sing, dance and drink alcohol.

Usually there's a cortege with these and it causes huge trafic jams. But mostly people will just be happy and cheer on.

We also had a walk through the main street where we just played music and did the same thing but walking. Instead. A little redundant if you ask me.

Studentmottagning

Then you typically go home where your family have gathered to celebrate you. You get presents and there's usually food or fika ot both depending on the family.

The house is usually decorated with branches of birch and the swedish colours (blue and yellow) if your family is swedish. It's common to have some sort of buffet style so people can help themselves with food and drinks.

Many studenrs are still wasted but try to hide it from their grand parents and other relatives. You try to eat and recover a bit but are typcially exhausted and or wasted. (I was exhausted but everyone thought I was wasted)

Studentfesten

After you've celebrated with your family its pretty common to meet up with your class again for a pre party and then go to a night club. Usually the night clubs have their own event specifically for the students so you meet up with other students and party for as long as you can.

It's not uncommon for the party to continue in a park when the night club closes and since it's june its only dark for a couple of hours.

It's common to be awake for 24 hours and when you wake up again you are officially an adult and the real life starts.

To prove how long ago I graduated. This is the song I remember the most from the dane floor and it brings all the memories.

#young royals #swedish facts #Spotify

[clownstolemyjokesarchived]

Okay so before I begin I should say that with these muses I write, I guess I have a tendency to pour a little bit of myself in each of them subconsciously especially if I happen to find aspects of them that I find within myself or had at one point in time (yeah we’re not touching Blitzo yet because he too falls under this category), so it’s safe to say that the more I’ve written Fizzarolli and the more I explored his dynamics, his thoughts, his personality and such-- The more and more I found pieces of myself in him and the more I began to integrate parts of me into him without meaning to which I suppose is both a bad thing but also good because it means when it comes to writing, he’s fairly easy for me to write for since a lot of his thoughts and emotions will maybe line up with my own (more or less anyways not all of them).

Either way, that being said... As I’ve continued to write him, I began to notice he started to exhibit some certain characteristics that were fairly similar to my own which made me wonder... Given his background, his past, his trauma and all that happened to him-- Does he have what I have too?

Now before anyone jumps at me, I’m only going based of my own observations having growing up, what I’ve been told by numerous doctors and therapists, my own diagnosis and so on and by no means am I saying he might actually have this or am I saying that what he has is a major defining point. I’m just saying it because it’ll explain why he is the way he is, why I write him the way he is and perhaps give a little (and maybe personal) insight to both him and myself.

I have Schizophrenia. This isn’t something I like to talk about a lot considering that in the past I’ve faced horrible stigma for it (people use to tell me very fucked up things and it made me very nervous and actually scared to talk about this since I didn’t want people to view me differently or see me as some sort of freak even though I’m not). There’s a lot of misconceptions when it comes to this disorder and more often than not, people automatically assume that people with this disorder are overly violently and crazy which isn’t always true. I’m the furthest from either of these things, but then again... I have been properly diagnosed and I’m taking proper medications for it as well as therapy. I can’t say for certain is this isn’t the case if left untreated since there have been cases where people have had this and gone off to do heinous acts. Regardless, not everyone is like that. Not everyone exhibits the same symptoms as well. Where one person can experiences delusions and hearing voices, another probably doesn’t.

I believe my Fizzarolli may have it as well considering as I’ve written him, he’s exhibited some traits that I’ve more or less have done both before I’ve been diagnosed and after. As for why I think this well here’s a few reasons:

Hallucinations. These usually involve seeing or hearing things that don't exist. Hallucinations can be in any of the senses, but hearing voices is the most common hallucination. It’s been faint but I have written before my Fizzarolli being plagued by nightmares and seeing shadows out of the corner of his eyes sometimes. He does in fact hear things but doesn’t give it too much attention, usually blaming it on the club + other things. It’s mostly when he’s alone or with Ozzie that if these happen, he grows a little more anxious considering that well... He’s the only one around minus Ozzie.

Extremely disorganized or abnormal motor behavior. This may show in a number of ways, from childlike silliness to unpredictable agitation. Behavior isn't focused on a goal, so it's hard to do tasks. Behavior can include resistance to instructions, inappropriate or bizarre posture, a complete lack of response, or useless and excessive movement. Now this one might be a little more tricky to pick since well he has cybernetic limbs, but even with that he does have trouble controlling them properly if he can’t focus and for these reasons. And also yes, he is very prone is getting aggressive rather easily to the point he takes his frustrations on his surroundings and leaves them a complete mess. Rarely will he take it out on someone else unless he feels they’ve deserved it like it’s someone that’s groping him or someone bothering someone he cares for. Things like that. Then, he’s back to his usual bouncy self like nothing happened. He has exhibited these other signs like resistance to instruction (both because he is a brat and because he just straight up didn’t feel like listening) and a complete lack of response.

Some other factors he exhibits: 

Behavioral: social isolation (sometimes but rarely), disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior, excitability, hostility, repetitive movements, self-harm, or lack of restraint. 

Cognitive: thought disorder, delusion, disorientation, mental confusion, slowness in activity.

Mood: anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, elevated mood, or inappropriate emotional response.

Psychological: hallucination, paranoia, hearing voices, depression, fear.

Speech: circumstantial speech and rapid and frenzied speaking.

Again I’m just compiling things that makes me believe Fizzarolli has Schizophrenia and as I’ve said, it differs from person to person. I’ve mostly written down what he’s exhibited so far since writing him and what’s lead me to believe he might have it. Regardless of all this, this doesn’t really change anything per say since I’m going to keep writing him as I do but I thought I might give an insight as to how he acts and why he acts like he does? If that makes sense. He’s still himself but this gives an explanation more or less of how he thinks, why he thinks the way he does and perhaps better explain why he acts the way he does in certain circumstances. I probably wouldn’t have like said any of this if I didn’t have it myself and noticed the subtle ways he was thinking and acting and again, I feel a little bad having done that since that wasn’t my intention really but at the same-- It makes sense. This isn’t always passed by genetics you know. It can but not always. It can be caused by environment and altered brain chemistry and structure based on said environment which given all that he’s been through... Again, makes sense (to me).

I’m not saying this is the case or a major defining personality trait of his by any means. Please, just take this as insight in how he (and I in a lesser form) function and think and just... I don’t know, don’t hate it? But come to understand and accept it. I’m done rambling now. I’ve made myself nervous enough thank you.

#﹙ OOC ﹚ Oᴘᴏ sᴘᴇᴀᴋs #﹙ Hᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ ﹚ Hᴇʏ ᴘᴜᴛ ᴏɴ ᴀ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ғᴀᴄᴇ #I'll come back and edit this later ;w; #I lowkey accidently made myself sick with nerves akega sorry

[themarginalthinker]

Since you have relationships in your VtM fick , how do you explore sex?

A lot of VtM debates if it exists in vampires and if desirable at all.

Does any of your own characters do it? Or even have the capacity to enjoy it?

Or are they more blood based in their relationships? Like eating each other or blood bonds?

My apologies for the awkward ask

I have seen the debates! Woof, trust me, I have...

this might get a bit long, so strap in.

What I think I'm aiming for for my larger 'this is my take on the mechanics of the vtm universe' are as such:

-Vampires are paradoxically able to feel more, and less, purely physically, than humans. They're more sensitive to changes in temperature, light, spacial awareness, sounds - but in terms of internal body, they've stopped most biological processes that don't directly feed into keeping the body moving and intaking information, which includes some involuntary reflexes like heartbeat, involuntary breathing (which they can still do voluntarily to speak), and reproductive processes. This simply means they will naturally have less of a physically-motivated sex drive than they used to have.

-This also means that they can become overstimulated so much faster and easier than humans. Too much light, too much sound, too much sensation all at once and it gets painful to go through for long. As much as I enjoy the aesthetic of vamps in da club, raves and danceclubs would be HELL for a Kindred's senses after more than an hour. Sex would be a little easier, but touching, kissing, it might get uncomfortable after too long.

-Blush of Life is a tricky ability, and what it actually means in play and how one can translate that into a story...eh? I work off a spectrum, for all Disciplines and abilities. Everyone is different. For some, you Blush and you can pass as basically human in every respect. Body temp, pupil dilation, saliva and other non-blood bodily fluid production, involuntary reflexes, the works. For others, they can maybe get their heart beating again, and get some extra heat in their skin, but that's about the extent of it.

-Even in real life, among allosexual people (hell, among ace people, of which I am one!) it really varies how much or little one wants sex, and for what reason, and with who. The key to making a good selection of characters and a good story that talks about this kind of thing is diversity. No single group of people are all going to feel exactly the same and experience exactly the same thing. Maybe someone who perviously had little interest in sex is embraced and suddenly realizes the heightened senses helps them get more into it, feeling more. And someone else may feel the exact opposite, who used to feel really good, now just feels overstimulated and too-much.

---here begins some slightly graphic discussion of anatomy and physical reactions, jsyk---

For my universe, really the only thing that must happen for comfortable, penetrative sex to happen, OR sex that involves genitalia such as fingering or insertion toys (and to an extent vibes and grinders) is: Blush of Life for persons with both a penis and a vagina. Blush of Life is what forces the body to create and maintain an erection and vaginal lubrication.

Everything aside from that? It's all up to the persons involved, and what they want from the experience. Sex doesn't just mean 'dick go in pussy for a few min and then done', there's a lot people can do with each other that can feel good, and orgasm doesn't have to be the end goal.

As for blood-drinking, bloodbonds and biting - that's REALLY up to the people involved.

Biting feels very, very physically good (unless you're Giovanni, rip lol) but...it doesn't always translate to 'orgasm' feelings. For some it's like shooting straight ecstasy, a head and body rush that feels almost painful it happens so fast and so harsh, while for others it's low and burning and lingers and can last for hours and hours. A lowgrade buzz that stays with you, but never makes you unaware of your surroundings.

Lots of Kindred pair the Kiss with sex because it enhances the experience, but I'd imagine just as many don't. You gotta ask before hand, I suppose. Or find out in the heat of the moment, lol.

I'd also imagine that, as a culture, fledglings are encouraged to try shit out with each other. It's a good, fairly safe way to learn what your particular brad of Kiss is like, or how you like yours in a way that doesn't risk the Masquerade.

The other bit of sliiiiightly non-canon worldbuilding in my take on the vtm universe is how bloodbonds work. As it turns out...it's again, a spectrum! Three is NOT the (literal) magic number. Certain people can be bonded well and truly after just one mouthful, or it can take ten full feedings to even BEGIN to feel the pull. Now, how susceptible they are to it depends largely on the bloodline and in some cases clan, but it's often a crap-shoot. 'Three' does seem like the line where the bond becomes most noticeable in the vast majority of cases, however. AND, furthermore, it can wear off!!

Yep. A bloodbond can wear off! Not unlike recovering from addiction, and it suuuuucks the longer you're in one, but it can happen. See, in my mind, the bond works by keeping the blood of the feeder Kindred within you, and it only stays within the feedee Kindred for so long, until their own vitae is cycled through with feeding on non-feeder blood. Like dripping food dye in a glass of water, and then exchanging some of that water for new water. Go without dropping new dye in, but keep feeding it new water, and eventually there will be no more dye in the glass.

This is also how some very smart blood leeches have learned to get what they want without becoming bonded. Feed from a huge selection of feeders, so that no one person's vitae is ever in their system long enough to form a bond before rotating back to them where they will be at square one again.

So, yep. Those are my baseline rules. To me, it never made sense to tie something like sex to humanity. (tbh, it feels like one of those 'if you don't want sex there's something WRONG and BROKEN with you!' ace/arophobic statements just retooled for a game...). People in my vtm universe have and don't have sex as much or as little as they prefer, in whatever ways they find comfortable, with whatever equipment they have to work with. Age also has very little to do with it, as I'm sure the clan 'closest' to humanity, The Toreador, would love to tell you alllll about.

As for what MY characters do/make of it? Well, that will be explored a little more in the fic! I will say though, a good number of them do, in various ways. This post has just gotten longer than I expected lmao sorry xD

Thanks for reading! I hope I explained it well!

#answered asks #vtm #vampire the masquerade #sexuality #sex discussion #do vampires fuck: yes #from your resident ace: LET THE VAMPIRES FUCKING FUCK #longpost #long post

[bookplush]

i’m a rising junior in college so here’s my advice for incoming freshies

diclaimer i’m a STEM major so some of this might be more relevant to other STEM majors than arts and humanities ppl but a lot of it i still think is universally relevant

1. go to office hours. please. especially for STEM classes. they will SAVE your GPA. even if you don’t have any questions just go there to hang out anyway-- hearing other people’s questions will solidify your understanding of the material and you might even find that you misunderstood something! also, this is for a little further down the road so don’t worry about it yet, but office hours are GREAT for getting your profs to recognize and know you. this is great for later when you might be looking for letters of rec or job opportunities. professor office hours are obviously better for rec letter and research opportunities, but i know that profs can be a bit intimidating sometimes. i usually go to TA office hours for the first few weeks until i feel comfortable enough to go to professor office hours. it doesn’t really matter. point is-- office hours are your best friend! use them even if you don’t think you really need to!

2. when you first get to campus, try to find a “campus orientation buddy”, maybe someone you met during orientation or someone in your hall. the first weekend you’re there (before classes start), go visit where all your classes will be, so you don’t get lost on the first day. the second weekend, go visit all the libraries on campus. the third weekend, pick some dining halls near your classes and go visit those. to me, the hardest step is going somewhere for the first time-- after that, it’s much easier to go back. so it’s really nice to get all those scary first visits out of the way at the beginning of your freshman year, when you have an excuse for being lost and confused lol. this can be done on your own, too, but it’s less scary with a buddy.

3. a lot of people make their first good college friends from orientation or from the other people in their hall. hopefully that’ll happen to you! but if it doesn’t, don’t feel bad-- there are still plenty of other ways to find friends! i recommend joining a lot of clubs if you’re still struggling to find friends by the time club fair rolls around (usually a couple weeks into the semester).

4. big lecture classes seem scary at first because they’re unfamiliar, but they’re actually much more chill than the smaller classes you’re used to. if your class is 50+ students then you likely won’t have to talk at all in that class if you don’t want to (except for discussion sections AKA cross-sections AKA sections-- those are the times when you might actually have to talk!)

5. in my experience, most college grades are based ~%50 on homework and ~%50 on exams (this can vary-- it’s often 60-40 in one way or the other). doing your homework is kinda important now sorry. but it’s ok because you can just go to office hours and the TA will walk you through the whole thing! (they’re not SUPPOSED to walk you through the whole thing, but they usually do anyways lol). seriously guys go to office hours

6. a lot of people are scared about homesickness before they head to college. honestly, the first few weeks you’re there, you’re so busy that most people don’t even think about home. after the first couple weeks, things slow down and homesickness might start to set in, but luckily that’s around when the club fair is, so you can fill your time with clubs instead! i should warn you that spring semester freshman year is when the most intense period of homesickness usually sets in-- it’s called the “second semester blues”. but it will pass! i had so much more fun my sophomore year than my freshman year. you’ll be just fine!

7. college is like 90% fun vibes and 10% i’m-so-stressed-i’m-tearing-my-hair-out (midterms and finals season). remember that exams season will pass and you will get back to the fun vibes soon enough!

8. you will likely struggle with FOMO. maybe a little bit, maybe a lot. i’ve had to deal with a loooot of FOMO, especially my freshman year. i always felt like everyone else had their lives more figured out than i did-- like everyone else was three steps ahead of me. you will likely feel like this a lot. but everyone else does too, so don’t worry about it! people go at different paces, and you will figure things out eventually!

9. just wanna say again GO TO OFFICE HOURS. if u only take one thing away from this post let it be this: office hours are your savior

feel free to send me any questions you want, i love advising freshies :3 ur gonna do great out there i know it!! also no pressure if you don’t-- gap years / gap semesters and transfers are always an option and they’re much more common than you think! i would say around 50% of the people i’ve met here either transferred or taken at least one semester off. there’s no reason to stress about it, it’s always an option and no one will give you a hard time about it!

it’s gonna be super fun i’m so excited for you!! :3

[intolerancecare]

Books and Voice

I really don't understand why my voice changes. I have always been trying to hone my voice most especially when I'm using this language.

There is always a heavy baggage in my chest whenever I have Kris Aquino's kind of voice.

By the way, I bought a few books yesterday. I'm planning to donate them to a public school where I am immersing. They only have a small library. When I was a student, I don't usually have textbooks and workbooks. They are expensive. We just borrowed from other people. I was even sent outside class because of a rule that my teacher (who happens to be one of my brother's god mother) said. She didn't expect that I'll be the only one who will not bring a book in class. She gave me an old copy after. I don't really feel down just because I don't have school books. My mother was an English teacher. I have more access with reading books. All kinds since I was young. My classmates won't be able to read the books that I had. All stories. It started with fairy tale books that my mother's students lent me. Fairy tales and toy magazines. My mother has lots of reading books also that she uses for teaching. My kuya (cousin) has so many comics, he had daily supply of a local comics here in the Phils. Yes, Funny comics made me learn how to read. He had another collection when we got older. I was his book thief. He was also like my father and grandfather. They have favourite newspapers that they read every day. My family actually love the English language so much or we are so engrossed with foreign stuff. I also frequent the library because I always stay at school after class to wait for my mother who was teaching. It was my turf. One of my regrets, I refused to take the presidency of Book lovers club because I was already chosen to succeed a post in another club. It was a new club. Really made me sad that the officers aren't readers. Top students but not readers. Not book lovers. I had lots of reading books but I don't keep them, I lend them because borrow too. We passed on books.

I want to share what I thought was my advantage to some other kids. Maybe they won't be around the same people that I had or experience what I had. I want to leave the skills and knowledge. I thought if you are not rich in money, you can be with knowledge, and that is a good start.

I don't like this voice, my voice is skidding. My high school voice.

Another thing, some people are like leech, right? Like the G.

I made mistakes? because I am skeptic. I can list down what I did. they always put me in positions vulnerable to mistakes. I have no routine. Most of them prepared. Doing the same work in a day, in weeks and months and years (Hello brat). Me, changes tasks more than once in a day. I'll guess, the G managers are paying my cousins now? I have two siblings who said that their school is owned by a G but they were not mentioned in the school's history. why do you think I will not think that they are related to those who sent me to rehab? My siblings studied there during high school only. Just 4 years. They were already Valedictorians before enrolling. They can be good students anywhere. They don't have any right at me.

Yesterday, I also saw a man who looks like my molester. Scary. I was just too young to remember the exact face. A bit taller than the average, thin and crew cut hair. Ugly. the kind who wears dog tags. Illiterate kind of boys here. Dependent from family. Japayuki. You know my mother's family were poor mostly girls in a brood of 10. In that small puritan town, there are so many Japayuki's. My mother's sister had fights with those who were forcing them to be Japayuki's. Base on my orientation they are drinking club entertainers. Maybe the name was taken from the word Karayuki. I heard this from my History professor in UP. It means travelling prostitutes. I hate it that I was added to my family. I was a very, very minor then. My tito also worked in Japan. He had a very distinct position. We don't need them for any connection. They are probably lower than my tito's staff.

Maybe you get warried of me mentioning my family here. I miss my father's family. They are old, even my siblings who can reach them are parting away. I am the only one who is stagnant. Still a child. I helped raised my own family. I hope they will look back to those who help my parents raised us. We only joined my mother's family when I was already in college. My mother had again a longer feud with my father's. I mean, my younger siblings only got to know my mother's at that time. I hate it that we are parting from my father's because we have to help my mother's. But they are not like us. We strived to be independent. I don't see any hint that they are making moves to be independent someday. All relying to my brother. Me temporary because I don't want to be with them.

Cherry leech. I don't need their visa stamps.

[the-pen-is-mighty-and-so-are-you]

A petit cup of tea - from wp blog, 17/11/2019

Now, let's return to the (relatively) real world for a moment; I know I probably left you with a few questions with my last post. Why is a famous writer going to meet up with a child? What exactly are the worlds of the first and second section? Where is Busan? And I did say I would explain. So, I'll sprinkle that somewhere in here, like a little bit of ketchup on your sandwich to spice up a café review - which, indeed, this shall be!

The café in question again happens to be in my hometown which, considering I've technically moved on to pursue the high-end city life of a student, I've been returning to quite a bit. My visit took place on yet another productive-seeming Friday: I'd been flitting up and down the high street between charity shops, desperately searching for a job interview outfit, trying to find one that struck a balance between a neutral-yet-trendy and mature-yet-youthful look, one that really shouted, "Hello! I'm energetic and fashionable and perfect to work behind your ultra sleek bar in your ultra sleek club!" It was not easy - by the time the feat was achieved, it was past three o'clock, and I hadn't yet had lunch.

Usually I would be in a barely-contained foul mood, slouching and suffering from an empty stomach. However, I had also purchased A Very Nice Coat (although some pesky folk might insist it's a jacket), and so I made my way down the high street slope with the confidence of someone wearing something that actually fits them. In fact, after such a wondrous experience with the coat, I've considered that perhaps I just need to buy everything I have in my wardrobe but a couple of sizes smaller. I don't need more expressive clothes, I need clothes that express my actual size. It's a small, but hugely important aspect that can help you live in your skin a bit better.

Huh. Maybe I'll turn into a 'beauty blogger'.

Wardrobe revelations aside, by the time I'd made the march down to the foot of the high street hill, I was yearning for a wholesome lunch - and Le Petit Café certainly did not disappoint. I remember visiting the place when it was still fresh and new around a year ago, and since then it's clearly only improved. With an upside down bicycle in the window and artwork for sale on the walls, it's a nice, quietly hipster venue with a tasty menu: speaking of which I had a delicious cheddar and cauliflower soup, the likes of which I've never had so creamy. Of course I had the mandatory hot drink with it, a chai latte (pictured) which matched in creaminess. I enjoyed both too much to focus on the laptop I'd put with good intent in front of me, and after I'd consumed both the friendly staff seemed eager for me to move onto my second course - I got the sense that it wasn't a place intended for lone reflection. The fact that I wasn't with someone seemed to compel the staff into making up for it by frequently approaching me, urging me onto the next course. I thus enjoyed a 'caramelita' for pudding: spiced caramel with white chocolate chips and an oat base, and so sweet that I had to hide half of it in a napkin to finish later.

But, let's pretend I did in fact get something productive done on my laptop that afternoon - that I tapped away and worked on writing the explanation I said I would provide for my last piece of writing. Well, here is what I wrote then, definitely copy-and-pasted from a separate document, and definitely not written at the same time as the rest of this post.

When considering how best to 'explain' the context in my life within which My Dream Korea was written, I am faced by two paths - the Dream and the Korea. The latter is perhaps more deserving of its own post another day, so I will focus on the former.

Writers are all full of dreams, I think. Well, all people are, to an extent. Mine have proven particularly strong, propelled by a continuous imagination and occasional inspiration. This has formed a sort of 'dream world' in my mind. It's different from the worlds I create for my stories, because this world is entirely selfish - it's main purpose is for me to explore possibility in alternate realities, and virtually satisfy my deepest desires. Flying, for example. Leaping off a tall city building in slow motion, stretching my arms out as large black wings grow and feather and flex their muscles on my back, swooping down to a bridge and then nosediving into the water only to break through, as I pierce the surface of the water, into the sky of another location. Things like that - anything is possible, and I can zoom in on and replay any detail I like, like designing, directing and acting in my own film, except it's a form of life.

I am fully aware of the deep-rooted psychological facts about myself this can reflect. I know that it is probably a defense mechanism, given as it is most used when I need to restore hope for myself. It's also constantly changing, and sometimes when I'm going through a period of extreme change, it can take me a while to find what thrills me. Recently I've been in a kind of limbo, unable to create and settle on a new idea - which is why I wrote some of the world down, to try and focus my brain enough so that it can enjoy that side of non-reality again.

My Dream Korea opens with a version of myself that represents some of my darkest moments, suffering through feelings of desperation and frustration, and yearning so much for hope and happiness that I would intoxicate myself to try and reach the 'other side'. It is a hyperbole that serves to contrast with the warmth of the dream world I then describe. And then, what I write is really just trying to convey the blissful experience I had in the real world, when I visited South Korea - when I felt like I was living so contently that it became a dream while I stayed there. This version of my dream world is trying to preserve and maintain those ultimate feelings of happiness from my memories, while exploring what my future could have been if I had stayed there a bit longer. In a sort of loose, fanfiction-style, 'if I was already a famous author' kind of way.

So I'm exploring this world along with you, visitor. The next chapter isn't written - I don't know what will happen next. In this way, my dream world, and My Dream Korea, is a form of life. I hope you will join me on its journey.

Speaking of journeys, the trip I made to Le Petit Café certainly paid off. It felt far warmer and more personal than the previous chain cafés, as I expected, although the downside of that was they didn't leave me in peace to get any writing done. It would have been perfect, however, if I had gone there with the intent of socialising - so it would be a good place for you and me to catch up over a cup of chai someday. We can always sneak a bourbon in when they're not looking, or convene in the toilet to have a biscuit break. Sound good? Yeah, I think it's a plan. Anyway, overall, I give it:

8/10 petit croissants

#this cafe no longer exists #i don't know why i analysed the last post when i literally analyse it here #creative writing

[alcottsangel]

Recovery {Kaz Brekker x reader}

Summary: Y/n is looking back and coming in terms with her eating disorder. Kaz tries to help her through it.

Warnings: Eating disorder!

It was requested by @siriuslynore. I wrote it based on my own experience with eating disorders, so this might not be accurate to everyone. It was a bit hard to write, because I never tried to put it into words. I hope you enjoy it.

There were good days. There were also days where everything was too much. When the emotions overcame Y/n and threw her back into that wheel she tried so hard to escape. Then a simple question could pull her trigger, maybe a statement. When Nina asked her to go out to get waffles or when she stood up and a piece of clothing was tighter than it used to be.

But it wasn't just the feeling of weighting too much, having a bit too much fat on her body that just wouldn't leave. It wasn't just the process of completely skipping meals.

For Y/n, it was also about control.

When everything in her life got messy and she wasn't sure how to handle it, when she really would never be able to sort something out, she tried to hold onto something that was in her control. She didn't even feel bulimic or anorexic. The day she stepped foot into Ketterdam she slowly got the control back that she had lost. She succeeded on missions. She worked herself up. She met Kaz. That made it easier. It kept her busy. She stopped vomiting without even realising.

But there were these days.

So she skipped meals. The worst part was, that she wasn't getting thinner. Her hair was starting to fall out and she was weaker than she used to be. But not thinner.

Inej was the first to notice that something was off. That she barely ate. Wylan was the next to notice. Nina followed. And before Y/n had even realised, almost all of the Crows knew that something was going on. Almost.

It took Kaz longer than the others. He only noticed when they started encouraging her. That was painful, because she loved him and it felt a tiny bit like a betrayal, that everyone realised before he did. Even when he knew, he didn't come to talk to her. After two days that he had spent locked in his attic, he nocked at her door to talk. She wasn't really sure what to say. He asked a few questions she couldn't answer, even to herself. Then he stopped talking at all. He wasn't sure what to do. This wasn't something he knew how to handle. This was too fragile, connected to too many emotions. So for the first time, Kaz decided to do what the others did first. He asked Inej how he should act too.

They gave her small portions, but if she didn't show up to eat something they brought it up to her and waited until she finished. They also stayed with her a few more hours. She gambled with Jesper, Inej read to her. Matthias tried to teach her a few words in his language. Wylan helped her to paint her walls a new colour. Nina did her makeup. Kaz asked her into his office almost everyday. They chattered, sometimes she helped him with the papers. Then Kaz taught her how to pick a lock. They distracted her. Soon, she started forgetting why she did it. It suddenly felt wrong and stupid.

When a few months had passed, it felt almost entirely forgotten. She pushed trough every day, doing things she never thought she would do. When things were worse, she stumbled into Kaz office. He'd gave her a soft smile, putting his work aside and taking her out.

He bought her a dagger once. Another time he took her to the docks. Sometimes they even went to the Crow Club. When they gambled, he'd let her win. He never did that, only for her. On her worst day, they fed pigeons in a park.

It was something Kaz considered crazy and problematic, pigeons annoyed him more than anything, but the way her face lightened up so brightly, the way she grinned and giggled, even when they almost bit her felt so pure. Y/n looked so happy. So it was worth it.

Then there was the night. It was one they never talked about again. It was almost 3am, Kaz was still working, when she stumbled into his room in a nightgown. Kaz was surprised, he surely didn't expect her. But the moment he realised the young woman had tears streaming down her face, he immediately stood up.

They just sat on the edge of his bed for some time, without exchanging a word. The gap between them felt huge. Suddenly all the words spilled out, so fast that Kaz struggled to follow. All her fears, all the reasons behind the things she did to herself. It was the first time she talked about it. Kaz simply listened. By the time she had finished, it was almost 4am.

Kaz sighed deeply. He wanted to give her everything in that moment, so she would know that she wasn't alone. That he was there. He wasn't wearing his gloves, he never did when he wrote something down. So Kaz closed his eyes once, breathed in and touched her cheek to brush away the tears.

He wished it was something that wasn't bothering him. That it felt warm and alive and like comfort. But it didn't. It felt like dead flesh, like the sea, dull. It felt like Jordie.

So he pushed away quickly, but still smiled.

He still did it. And Y/n got calmer.

"Thank you, Kaz. Thank you."

Was all she simply said.

So maybe her touch didn't feel like home.

Her words did.

And maybe she didn't love herself.

But Kaz did.

And he reassured her of that every day. Letting her know how beautiful she was to him, pointing out little details she didn't even notice herself. The way she fidgeted her hair, how perfectly reddish her lips looked. He pointed out these things, so she forgot about those she never accepted. To only see the perfect ones.

And so, through the words of the other one, they recovered.

@renataligorio @kaqua @magravenwrites @corpsebasil

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone #six of crows #kaz brekker imagine #s&b #s&b imagine #six of crows fanfic #shadow and bone series #soc #shadow and bone fanfiction #fanfiction #kaz brekker fluff #six of crows x reader #the crows #the dregs #kaz brekker angst

[oilivia]

dating the Haikyuu boys as.. zodiac sign stereotypes

a/n: it seems this year i’m all for trying new things and making weird banners. i’m honestly not sure if anyone else did it before, i tried looking it up but i haven’t seen any posts.

this is pure fluff and a bit of crack, headcanons of some of the Haikyuu boys as their respective zodiac sign based solely on my experience with said signs and their personalities. 

don’t take this too seriously please! but if you want to come for my head, my asks are open.

Characters: Yuuji Terushima, Satori Tendou, Koushi Sugawara, Tooru Oikawa,  Wakatoshi Ushijima, Koutarou Bokuto, Atsumu Miya, Tetsurou Kuroo, Keiji Akaashi, Tobio Kageyama, Rintarou Suna, Kiyoomi Sakusa

CW: fluff, some crack, mentions of kissing and sex (but nothing explicit), PDA, sun sign stereotypes, my own interpretation

Wording: 1.3k

♡ Aries - Yuuji Terushima

spontaneous dates. 3 am “u up?” calls. play fighting. running naked on the beach at midnight. 

“Be ready in 10, we’re going on a picnic.” You take a look at the clock, Saturday, 2:14am. He’s there in 7 minutes, not 10, grinning as he watches you sneak out of the house. “I brought pancakes” he announces as he takes your hand and pulls you into a kiss. An hour and a short climb later, you’re lying in the grass at the top of a hill, watching the way the stars dance above your heads.

♡ Taurus - Satori Tendou

leaving you the last bite. netflix & chill. massages. sleeping in on the weekend. fine chocolate and good wine.

The delicious smell of your favorite food fills your nostrils. The room is dark aside from the candlelight, an open bottle of wine resting on the table. “I thought I’d do something special for you, I know you had a long week.” You giggle - any excuse for Tendou to treat you like a princess. Was that a chocolate cake on the counter? You hummed with appreciation when you felt his lips place a sweet kiss on your cheek.

♡ Gemini - Koushi Sugawara

driving around town. making out for hours. late night chats. singing at the top of your lungs. sexting 

“Can I open the window?” you ask with an innocent smile. He chuckles “Can I stop you?” You roll it down, your head poking out. The cold air of the night hits your face as you sing at the top of your lungs. Your eyes are fixed on Suga’s, ear to ear grin on your faces. You mess up the lyrics, throwing you both into a fit of laughter. “You’re so pretty” he says as he ruffles your hair when you get back in your seat. 

♡ Cancer - Tooru Oikawa

stargazing. breakfast in bed. saying “i love you” too soon. taking care of you when you’re sick. cupping your cheeks as he kisses your nose.

“What’s so amusing?” you question, raising an eyebrow. “You just look so cute when you’re angry.” You scoff, turning your head to hide your smile. It was just like him to say something stupid and then tease you when you got angry. He knew you couldn’t stay mad at him, not when he made that pouty face “Buy me another ice-cream if you want me to forgive you for dropping this one, Tooru.” “Anything for you, sweetness!” 

♡ Leo - Wakatoshi Ushijima

fancy restaurant dates. surprise gifts. compliments. weekend trips. taking pictures to remember your smile.

“What are you hiding?” you smirk, your hands reaching for the small box Ushijima holds behind his back. Your eyes widen when you open it “How did you know?” “I noticed you looking at it when we went out. Let me see how it looks on you.” He takes the necklace, fingers gently brushing against your soft skin as he clasps the necklace around your neck. “You look perfect,” he states as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

♡ Virgo - Koutarou Bokuto

laughing until you cry. good morning kisses. cooking together. picking you up and throwing you on his shoulder. 

You let out a startled cry when you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist and lift you up “Gotcha!” he laughs in your ear as he holds you tight, even as you struggle to escape “Kou, put me down” you demand, your tone amused - you were used to his antics. “Only if you give me a kiss first, I haven’t seen you in forever” he pleads as he turns you around “If by forever you mean this morning.” He bends down, eyes to your level, as he waits for you to close the gap and kiss him.

♡ Libra - Atsumu Miya 

flirting and teasing. making out in the club. playful pranks. dancing in the living room.

Not even the nights when you wouldn’t go out were boring, not with Atsumu. You sit on the couch as he watches a volleyball game, your eyes glued to a book. He changes the channel and hears your favorite song play. He grabs your hand “Dance with me,” he’s smiling, a wicked glint in his eyes. Could you refuse? You get up, your feet carrying you across the living room floor as you dance. Soft kisses find your lips whenever you giggle.

♡ Scorpio - Tetsurou Kuroo

passionate kisses. falling in love with your eyes. finishing each other’s sentences. fight and makeup. watching the sunset.

“Move faster, old man, we only have 15 minutes left till the sun sets” you tease with a grin. He sighs audibly, feigning an exasperated look “Carry this old man to the top if you’re so enthusiastic!” “I’ll leave you here then, Tetsu-” you squint your eyes before you start trekking again. He’ll catch up eventually, he couldn’t be that tired. “Hmm, if that’s how you want to play” you hear him snicker “Last one to the top carries the backpacks!” he exclaims as he starts running, almost passing you before you join in.

♡ Sagittarius - Keiji Akaashi

playing devil’s advocate. forehead kisses. talking about the universe. dancing in the rain. exploring each other’s hobbies.

Your fingers brush as you reach for the same book. “Please, go ahead” Akaashi says, soft smile dancing on his lips. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly” you reply in an excessively polite tone. You gasp, feigning outrage when you see him take the book from the shelf. “It’s for you, miss” he hands you the volume as he plants a kiss on your forehead, only to pull it away from your grasp with a chuckle. “But I think you can wait a bit more, let me buy it for you, love” he takes your hand, heading for the front of the bookstore. Leave it to Akaashi to make you fall for him all over again.

♡ Capricorn - Tobio Kageyama

power couple. expensive gifts. dark humor. overseas trips. playing with your hair. inner wrist kisses

“You look breathtaking!” Kageyama compliments you when he sees you dressed for the party. “I will need to keep an eye on you, don’t want anyone to steal you away.” “As if anyone could,” you smile when you see him drink in your image, his eyes scanning you head to toe. “But we should get going, unless you want us to be late” “Let them wait, I want to admire my princess”. You feel your skin getting hotter at his words. Maybe you could be late this one time.

♡ Aquarius - Rintarou Suna

blasting music. buying snacks in the middle of the night. foreign movies. aesthetic pictures. witty comebacks. 

You stopped running, hand on your stomach as you laughed, struggling to catch your breath. “Rin, wait” you shout, prompting Suna to turn back and look at you. “What? Can you still run? The store will close in like 4 minutes. Want me to go ahead?” You start laughing harder at his confused expression, watching his brows furrow deeper. “I forgot the store’s open 24/7 now, they changed it last week.” “Are you trying to tell me we sprinted for no reason?” “Bonding experience?” He starts chuckling as well, pulling you into a kiss “Bonding experience.”

♡ Pisces - Kiyoomi Sakusa

roasting each other. falling in love at first sight. neck kisses. midnight strolls. showering together. doing your skincare together.

You feel your body shift and you open your eyes, only to realize Sakusa is carrying you. “You fell asleep on the couch, I’m taking you to bed,” he whispers as if afraid he’d shake the sleepiness from your eyes. “But I haven’t taken off my make-up, Omi” you mutter as you wrap your arms around his neck lovingly. “I’ll take it off for you after I tuck you in, I know how you do it,” he presses a kiss on your forehead as you nuzzle your head against his neck. “I love you so much, Omi” “I love you too”

© 2021 all content belongs to @cherrysdollhouse​, please do not modify or repost without permission

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu crack #terushima headcanons #tendou headcanon #sugawara headcanons #oikawa headcanons #ushijima headcanons #bokuto headcanons #atsumu headcanons #kuroo headcanons #akaashi headcanons #kageyama headcanons #suna headcanons #sakusa headcanons #haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #suna x reader #sakusa x reader #bokuto x reader #kageyama x reader #ushijima x reader #suga x reader #akaashi x reader #tendou x reader #terushima x reader #atsumu x reader #♡.cherry

[down-in-devildom]

if You don’t mind, could you do a therapist MC who diagnosed Mammon with ADHD, BPD, and major depressive disorder? I happen to enjoy projecting onto mammon and I wonder how the brothers would react. if you feel like you wouldn’t be able to do a certain disorder justice you can skip it.

First and foremost, I would like to say that I needed to do a lot of research in order to touch on this prompt and even then, I am not an expert. Please understand that my portrayal of Mammon’s behavior and diagnosis is based on limited research and some personal experience (with ADHD and general anxiety). I will be sure to link any resource videos I used for my education below. My primary focus will be on the ADHA, BPD, and I substituted major depressive disorder with some signs of bipolar disorder. Doing 3 and 3 for now and will link part 2 with it is completed. Thank you so much for the request and the challenge! 

Mammon with ADHD, BPD, and possible Bipolar Disorder feat. Lucifer, Mammon, and Satan

Lucifer

Lucifer was not a demon to have immediately thought that someone like Mammon may have had an outside force that was causing his erratic behavior. He just assumed that Mammon was unable to pay attention for very long on anything outside of planning get-rich-quick schemes and MC. Lucifer felt like maybe the diagnostic was incorrect. The second brother was just hyper, not hyperactive

It was only a few days after Mammon talked about possibly having the mental disorders in the brothers’ group chat, and asking them if they knew anything about it, Lucifer felt compelled to do his own research. It only took a bit of snooping in Satan’s room to find a few psychology books that may be of use to him.

When Lucifer really sat down to read about ADHD, he was not really surprised with what he found. He knew what it was, just not all of the nuances of it. He then started to think of instances where Mammon would seemingly just keep talking regardless of whether there was anything to be said. Mammon’s speech would get progressively faster and faster, almost like he was running out of time to talk about why, exactly, hellfire cup noodles were the perfect dinner. He would then just randomly stop sometimes in the middle of the sentence as if he had completed his last thought and either look at Lucifer expecting some kind of response or would walk away like the conversation was over.

Lucifer did not feel the need to do additional research for the moment, he had paperwork to get done for Lord Diavolo, after all, but he did try to show a little bit more leniency towards Mammon and his meaningless ramblings. Lucifer does not let up on his punishments, per say, they were just as cruel as usual, he just did not feel the need to hang Mammon by the rafters whenever he felt the need to waste Lucifer’s time talking about Goldie having the perfect ratio of metallic shine and rich color.  

Mammon

Mammon did not accept what MC said what he may have at first. He could kind of get the ADHD part of it, that was just having a lot of energy, right? But the more he learned about it, the more he understood his supposedly impulsive behavior. 

He talked a few things out with MC and really tried to reflect on his behavior. The term that MC used to describe his endless energy was almost manic and the stigmatized word scared him. Manic made him seem crazy. MC then had to explain that real mania was more of a bipolar disorder trait, and not what they were describing and still not something to fear. When MC talked more about his money schemes and seemingly sudden life alternating plans, he kinda understood a bit more.

There was a certain point in time when Mammon was convinced that he could become the owner of a club that was a thousand times more popular than The Fall and rake in massive amounts of Grimm. He spent a massive amount of his brothers’ money on buying furniture and alcohol and marketing even before he secured a building. The idea wouldn’t leave his mind but evaporated in a day or so. It wasn’t even like he took the time to research how to open a club in the Devildom, he just assumed that he could do anything in the moment and nothing would stop him. Unfortunately, Lucifer did stop him when Mammon’s new furniture collection started to pour out into the hallways of HoL.

Mammon wasn’t all that sure what he could do to maybe help manage his symptoms. MC suggested stimulants to see if he can see a change in his ability to control his impulsiveness. He had to think about it for a bit though. He did not really like that his “manic-like” episodes were impeding on his ability to enjoy his life but he did figure it may have an impact on the people close to him. He is glad to have MC around to help him with this new journey to better managing his mental health.

Satan

Satan was acquainted to some extent with a variety of mental disorders and have thought about a few possible diagnostics for several of his brothers. When Mammon told everybody about his comorbid diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and ADHD, Satan was very interested in talking to MC to find out a bit more information about the conditions. 

Satan was intrigued by how BPD was able to impact how Mammon approached his relationships. The impulsiveness was something that could be attributed to the ADHD, but his seemingly unnatural, wholehearted devotion and idealization of MC shortly after they arrived was something he could now see in perspective. Call him a cynic, but Satan thinks Mammon attached themselves to MC a little too fast.

When MC was assigned to be in Mammon’s care, Satan was very quick to notice that his tune changed relatively quickly after just a few days. Mind you, MC really was a great and outstanding person and it was no wonder that the brothers all came to like them as much as they did. However, this was the first time in centuries that Mammon met a human that wasn’t after some sort of advancement in life, so his suspicions should have been high. Next thing Satan was aware of, Mammon was practically walking on Mc’s heels trying to please them or expecting MC to do almost impossible feats just because they stood up to Lucifer for him once. Impressive, yes, but not worth the stars in Mammon’s eyes.

Satan was also aware that there was a major possibility that Mammon would experience the flip side of the idealization and assume that MC was the worst person in existence. It hasn’t happened yet, but Satan keeps an eye on Mammon. Maybe just because demons have a different internal rhythm than humans, this switching between love and hate hasn’t happened nor will it happen. Either way, Satan found comfort in knowing just a bit more about his brother.

------

So, mania is defined as symptoms lasting for more than two weeks. Wanted to clear that up as to why it was manic-like and not mania. This is where the bipolar disorder hinting came into play. Resources below. Thank you for reading and hopefully part 2 will be out soon! -Leo

Bipolar Disorder Vs Borderline Personality Disorder

ADHD Vs Bipolar Disorder

Anxiety vs Mania

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #shall we date lucifer #lucifer avatar of pride #lucifer #shall we date mammon #mammon avatar of greed #mammon #shall we date satan #satan avatar of wrath #mammon headcanon #obey me headcanons #obey me requests