#my mom called the ambulance on saturday morning

[haikyuu-philia]

How They React to You Fainting in Front of Them

Headcanons for the Karasuno Boys (Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei, Ennoshita Chikara, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Nishinoya Yuu, Azumane Asahi, Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi)

A/N: Well, a bit of comfort for my fellow low blood pressure fans and those who have fainted before, like me. Keep your heads up! Always make sure to call an ambulance or go to a doctor if you are unconscious for longer than a few seconds or aren't prone to feeling dizzy, there might be underlying issues.

Trigger Warning: Fainting (who would have thought), implications of nausea, dizziness and fatigue - Lots of fluff tho!!

hinata shouyou

Exams were coming up and with a boyfriend like Hinata there was no way around tutoring him yourself, no matter how bad your own grades were. There was no way that his could get worse. Equipped with lots of snacks that his mom had prepared in advance, the two of you were hosting a small study session. In between Natsu insisted on playing with you in their little backyard - One thing thing led to another and soon enough you were down in the burning heat of summer.

Natsu screamed. And Hinata jolted towards you before he sat down on his knees right next to you. His head hovering above yours he starred at your motionless face with big eyes. In a hurry his eyes shot from one spot to the other, from the door to the spot Natsu had been standing at a couple of seconds ago but was nowhere to be seen now and back to you.

While he was tempted to shake your shoulders, he rather resorted to stammering one word after the other. “(Y/N), wake uuuuuuuupp, pleeeeeeease.” He was basically begging when his mom came running into the backyard after Natsu had alerted her. Next thing he knew you were looking back at him again with confusion gracing your eyes.

The rest of the day was spent in the living room where Hinata bounced around whenever you implied that you might need anything. At the same time his mom kept an eye on you and made sure that you were drinking enough even though the color had returned to your face soon after waking up. Hinata was rather happy that he had a reason to stop studying that day - Despite that reason being that he had boyfriend duties to fulfill.

He walked you home that evening, all while jumping around you with as much energy as ever. Whatever came to his mind, he pointed it out to you. Actually, he simply didn't want you to stop talking or smiling or reacting in any way. The forced silence during your unconsciousness had scared him quite a bit. Who was supposed to laugh about his jokes, if it wasn't for you? 

A slight scolding from his mom later, he started to keep an eye on the little things he noticed - And began to overreact just a bit if he considered it an issue. Cold hands? He would loudly ask everyone in the room for gloves. Sweating? He would zoom to the closest vending machine. Of course, he was bragging to Kageyama about how awesome he was as a boyfriend.

kageyama tobio

If Kageyama could be described with one word, then it would be ‘stubborn’. But also dedicated. So, he happened to be jogging his rounds through the local park one Saturday morning. And every once in a while he would pass by you sitting on a nearby bench as you waved at him in tiny. During the next round he arrived in sight just in time to see your upper body hunch over towards your knees. He ran.

“This is absolutely not funny, (Y/N). Start chuckling. Like, right now. Hello?” At first he stood next to the bench with you in quite a weird looking position, but he realized that this wasn't a joke right after. He felt your pulse before doing anything else and not daring to move you he was about to dial the emergency number.

His eyes kept scanning the surroundings for people that might be of more help than he currently was, because he knew that he wasn't exactly doing anything beneficial here. Actually, he was so lost in thought that he nearly yelped when you suddenly sat up again like nothing had happened. You were pale as hell but very much alive.

He was even more awkward during the comfort stage as he couldn’t grasp what type of comfort you might need. Was he supposed to go and fetch a bottle of water? Did you need cuddles or was touching you a bad idea? What was he supposed to do if you were to faint again? He was trying. He really was. 10/10 for effort, 0/10 for execution.

On your way back home he had his hand on your back in an attempt to provide you with stability. That seemed pretty smart and reasonable to him. He also stared at you for way too long at a time. Not that it was weird, just an additional extra seconds that were a little hard to ignore. 

He might or might not have called his sister that evening. And he might or might not have sneaked a little teddy bear plushie a couple of days later. Sometimes he didn't know how to comfort you or what to do when you felt bad, so he wanted you to have this tiny fellow by your side. It ended up being specifically helpful during the long distance episodes during his professional career.

yamaguchi tadashi

The whole team was in euphoria. Absolute ecstasy. A win they had considered impossible only a couple of weeks ago had just come true. Hitoka and you were zooming through the hallways to meet the boys at the door. A little flustered Yamaguchi immediately embraced your smiling figure, nearly sweeping you off your feet in the process. But then your giggles subsided and your limbs went numb - Your head bumped against the side of his, arms slipping off his shoulders.

The increased weight he was holding dragged him to the floor while he was still supporting your upper body from the hug that had turned serious in a matter of seconds. With you in his arms he crouched down, careful to not bump your legs or your head that he had zero control over into something. His eyes were wide, the hot sweat covering his body had turned into a cold shiver. Something was very, very wrong.

Panicking. Absolutely panicking. He couldn't even think of calling out to his teammates who were literally surrounding him but had yet to notice what was happening in the middle of their little celebration dance in the hallway. All he did was to say your name over and over again, touching your cheek with shaking fingers 

When your eyes flew open a couple of seconds later, he nearly fainted himself as his lungs were finally filling with air again. By then, those standing closest to the two of you had noticed your condition - And from there it spread like wildfire among the team. But Yamaguchi only had eyes for you and he didn't even notice how close he was holding you as opposed to his usually shy nature when it came to PDA of all sorts.

“Gosh, you nearly made me have a heart attack, honey, oh wow, that was scary. Are you feeling better?” Lots of interjections as he was trying hard to voice his thoughts. Someone had brought a bottle of water in the meantime and you were slowly sitting up again. Propped up against his side he trailed his head up and down your thigh to show you that he was there.

He brought up the idea of a code word. Say the word and he will have his hands wrapped around you immediately to make sure that you don't get hurt when you aren't feeling well. That one time you accidentally used it in a normal conversation was the scariest he’s ever been through, except for you actually fainting in his embrace.

tsukishima kei

Granted, lots of people and loud one at that surrounding him at once wasn't exactly what he enjoyed the most in this earthly life of his, but one more person wouldn't hurt - Especially if that person was you, that had official permission to join today because you had offered to help out since Kiyoko had called in sick. He was completely focused, you were busy and that only changed when the thud of a person hitting the floor echoed through the room. And he didn't have to turn around to feel the sinking feeling in his stomach.

He cursed at himself when he realized that he had paid zero attention to what you had been doing ever since you had gotten to work with Yachi. Now you were laying on the ground, slightly sweaty hair sticking to your face. Your face that was so sickly pale. Of course, he was by your side in what was a matter of seconds. You were breathing, that was good. A wave of relief washed over him because his worst nightmare wasn't coming true right now.

His eyes on you, he took notice of Takeda sending Ennoshita and Narita to see if the school nurse was still in her office and of Daichi gathering all the other boys in a different corner. Then your eyes opened again and he was there, just there for you. After crouching down to tell you what had happened, he got up to lift your legs by holding them at your ankles.

Actually, he had chosen to do so because that was the first step he had learnt in his first aid workshop - But he figured that it was quite easy to restrain you from getting up too early when he was the one in charge of your legs. 

The more he scanned your face, the more obvious the signs of remaining fatigue were to him. The shadows underneath your eyes, your faint smile, the way your hands were shaking ever so slightly as you wiped a streak of hair out of your field of vision. Every time he looked away to take a breath, he ended up looking at you only a split second later. Leaving you out of sight and having you faint once was more than enough for a single day.

In the days after your fainting incident he was battling the anxiety for days. Not that he would openly tell you, but he seemed to be handing you drinks more often than ever before or eyed you out of the corner of his eye when you yawned or rubbed your eyes. He tried to be subtle about it, yet it didn't take long for people to catch on. Yamaguchi might have made a comment about it.

ennoshita chikara

Why all teachers had devoted themselves to scheduling every single exam and project deadline for a time frame of about 10 days was something neither him nor you would ever understand. Especially with volleyball practice coming up twice a day, he found himself struggling quite a bit with time management because he had to cover practice, school and you as well as his family. The group project with him and you in the same group seemed to be a blessing in disguise.

After lunch break it was your group’s turn to present your results, all group members lining up in front of the class with him standing right next to you. In the middle of the presentation his heart skipped a beat as he saw you swaying slightly in the corner of his eye. He thought how odd it was for you to suddenly start moving like that. Then you slurred your words, again in the middle of the sentence, which finally triggered him to directly look at you.

He was just in time to see how you completely lost your balance, knees giving in to your way, notes dropping to the floor. The paper in his hands followed suit as soon as he let to go of it to catch you in his arms. With little to no space in the area between the teacher’s desk, the board and the other group members he chose the easy of just picking you up himself: One arm was supporting your back, the other had your knees resting on it and your head was safely leaned against his chest. Nothing could hurt you like this, was what he was thinking.

“I’m gonna take (Y/N), ehm, I mean (Y/L/N), to the infirmary,” he explained while he was already on the way to the door. “It would be great if someone could help me with the door as my hands are rather full. Oh yes, the notes for our parts can be found to your feet, thank you.” - Someone pushed the door open for him and his attention was off the classroom again as he was moving very slowly to make sure that not a single part of your body would collide with the doorframe.

Once the door was closed, he wanted to start running. He wanted to dash to the nurse, with you still in his arms, to get you the medical attention you needed as soon as possible. Trying to shift your weight a little bit, he noticed how easily your head was bumping from one side to the other in your unconscious state and he found himself flinched at the thought of making you even more uncomfortable.

You came to about halfway to the nurses office, he was taking long steps to avoid any unnecessary waves of movements jolting your body. It needed you calling his name for him to look down at you, yet he managed to crack a weak smile: “Welcome back, seems like you fell for me all over again, huh?”. Later at the infirmary, he had to sit down and rest his head in his hands as a silent meltdown. Also, he was already dreading your joined retour to the classroom considering his embarrassing behavior earlier.

tanaka ryuunosuke

Being as energetic as ever he was jumping from left to right and back to the left in front of you while imitating Daichi as you were filling the time in between your last class and the start of his afternoon practice behind the gym hall. It wasn't until he heard Sugawara yell his name from the door of said hall that you noticed how much time had passed. You got up to hand him his back that you hadn't been watching during his little performance, but he had to watch your knees give in only a few moments later.

He stared. For him, you dropped in what must have been slow motion and his body simply wasn't quick enough to catch on in the same speed as his mind was begging his legs to. When your body collided with the ground, even bounced back a little bit, only to hit the hard surface once more. His eyes wide open and the whole scenario reflecting in them, he nearly tripped when his legs finally started sprinting towards your motionless figure.

Coming to a stop on his own knees, he inspecting your face before trying to shake you awake by placing a hand on your shoulder. Frankly, he didn't know what to do. If only Chikara or Suga were here. To stop his frightened thoughts from further feeding his anxiety, he says every nickname he can think of, repeating your name over and over again in between.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I wasn't paying better attention to you,” he mumbled as if it were a charm that would undo the incident. Being alone with you didn't help the situation either because he was determined to not leave you behind even though it would only be for two minutes with his team mates being this close. He switched to stroking your cheek with the back of his fingers, clenching his other hand to a fist.

Sugawara’s scolding had never sounded so heavenly like in this moment when Tanaka heard him round the corner to finally fetch the second year. It only needed Tanaka’s pleading eyes that were filled with fear for Sugawara to rush back to the gym hall, leaving behind the promise that he would get the adults. 

Waking up to him nearly slapping himself to stay calm and multiple people running around the corner, calling his name and yours, was the first thing that manifested as a conscious memory for you. Ever-so-passionate Tanaka didn't even consider attending practice that day, instead he insisted on you getting that checked out at the hospital. In the waiting room he was resting his forehead on your shoulder as his head grew heavy from relief.

nishinoya yuu

Even in the early morning hours it had been obvious that today would be hot. Burning hot. But that didn't stop him from running from one classroom to the other during lunch break to gather all his friends in the same spot - aka. the very popular benches underneath the huge tree in the yard. Shadow guaranteed. When it finally was time to eat, he sprinted towards the arranged spot to find you hunched over on the bench and tipping over when he blinked.

He zoomed across the yard. And he forced his own body in between the space that was left between the ground and your body. With him body slamming to the concrete and you landing partly on top of him, the attention of everyone else around you was gained. He needed to blink again to realize what his body had just automatically done.

“Hey, are you okay?” No response. Saying your name didn't do anything either. One limb at a time he freed himself from his position. While doing so he noticed how lifeless your body felt, you weren't resisting, no chuckle or laughter, absolutely nothing. If this was a joke, it had to be a really bad one. But he also knew that you would never purposefully scare him and toy with his feelings like that.

Students were whispering all around the two of you, yet he could only focus on your seemingly sleeping figure. His legs were tingling as his body wanted to jump up again to get the nurse or a teacher himself until the other second years showed up by stepping out of the crowd. You woke up to only Tanaka being missing who was sent to alert the nurse and the others shielding you from the curious glances.

Once you were awake again, Nishinoya fully committed himself to staring at you. There was no way he would miss a single sign of dizziness or nausea washing over you. He even used his own hands to keep your face out of the sun. When the nurse came he diligently listened to everything she said, even going as far as making actual notes while she was checking on you. 

The two of you ended up spending lunch break at the infirmary - You in bed and him trying to feed you because “You have to regain your strength! By eating! That’s what the nurse said!”. As if he hadn't been the affection type of boyfriend already, he made sure to hug you even more from now on. He dubbed it ‘Energy Transmission’.

azumane asahi

Following his morning practice you had picked him up like every day to chat a little bit while walking to your classes. He was always matching your pace despite tending to make bigger steps than you because of his height, eyeing to his left where you were walking from time to time. It had become a calming part of your morning routines.

Only a couple of steps away from the gym hall, he turned towards you when he heard your bag drop to the ground and the rest was his instincts kicking in: Letting go of his own bag, he reached for you waist as you were falling towards the ground like the strings of a marionette had been cut. He prayed that he would be fast enough, internally yelling at himself to move even faster and faster and faster.

Somehow managed to catch your upper body before carefully placing you on the ground with shaking fingers. His mind was overflowing with potential diagnoses as he tried to remember what they had learnt in their first aid course that had been part of their biology class earlier this year. Kneeling on the dirty pathway himself, he held you up with one arm, keeping you close to himself to better observe you and grab the bag that was closest to you to place your head on it.

A couple of seconds later, the second years bursted through the door of the gym hall and he knew that all five of them would be hurdled together. His mouth was faster than his brain this way: “NISHINOYA, I NEED YOU TO GET THE NURSE,” he yelled loud enough for them to hear. Nishinoya didn't think twice and just started running.

As you were laying on the ground in front of him, head on the bag and body resting on your right side to keep your air passages free, he removed single strands of air from your face with shaking fingers. He didn't dare to touch, let alone move you, even more. The damage he might do to you was branded too risky by his fear.

You started blinking at him again before Nishinoya or the nurse were back, so you couldn't have been out for long. For him it had been an eternity. During your exam at the nurse’s office he was waiting outside the door the whole time - Daichi and Sugawara being with him to pat his shoulders and back in the meantime. He could only muster up enough courage to whisper in the middle of a comfort hug: “You really scared me there, you looked so fragile I thought you would crack under my touch.”

sugawara koushi

During lunch break he usually came to your classroom to chat with you about each other’s days, especially if you hadn't been able to see each other a lot thanks to classes and practice. So, he found himself casually chatting about the latest catastrophes that mostly involved the chaos that was called the first year quad, when he noticed that you weren't responding much anymore.

His eyes widened the moment he realized you were breathing unsteadily as if you were trying to hold onto the last remaining pieces of your consciousness. Immediately, he reached for your hand as he was sitting right next to you, trying to get your attention.

Next thing he knew was your body basically falling against his in a last attempt to find shelter before you had passed out completely. A second earlier his eyes had been searching for a water bottle, now they were set on finding the most reliable student around. To say he was alerted would have been an understatement with his following action basically consisted of ordering said students around: “Go and fetch a teacher! We need help over here!”

He tried to stay as still as possible to provide your body with the stability it had been craving so badly, caressing the back of your hand he was still holding with his thumb as if he was drawing little circles on it. The only thing keeping him sane was the fact that he could feel you breathing against his neck. He kept looking around to reassure everyone else that he quite literally got your back.

Once you were conscious again, he supervised you as you got all the rest you needed and had been told to get by the nurse. But as soon as you had recovered enough - and he was convinced that you were able to bear it - he wrapped you in a hug, tears reflecting in his eyes, voice breaking with every second word: “I didn't know what to do when you were laying in my arms without moving at all, love. I’m sorry you had to experience this.”

He really couldn't stand the thought of you feeling sick and him not being able to do anything about it. That’s why he turned into the pro of prevention - Snacks in his back, making sure that your lunch break sessions take place at the cafeteria or with a lunch box, the personification of “Hydrate or DIE-drate”. He is just a worried baby.

sawamura daichi

He caught on that something was wrong before you had any chance of saying it yourself as he felt his chest tighten after he had noticed that you were turning pale. Call it the Captain or the Boyfriend Instinct, but he had his full attention on you.

When your eyes lost focus on top of that, he tried calling out your name only for his words to get stuck in his throat and to be replaced with a huff that he let out while he zoomed forward to hold you.

As soon as his hands were tightly, but not painfully, wrapped around your upper arms, your body went limp. Knowing that he couldn't hold you up standing after seeing your head fall back as well, he took the fall with you to cushion your body himself and gain control over the impact on the floor. He never let go of you the entire time.

On the outside, he was completely in charge of his emotions and the situation. Most importantly, he ordered some nearby students, who had gotten quite a scare out of you suddenly going down, to get the school nurse. Simultaneously he made sure that you could breathe, all the while slowly rubbing his hand up and down your back to ensure that you could feel that he was there.

Soon enough you started squirming in his hold and once he looked down again his glance met your tired eyes. He let out a long breath that he had been holding ever since jumping into action. Seeing you conscious again calmed his racing heart to which he carefully placed his hand on your cheek.

“Hey there, don't worry about a thing, the nurse is on her way. We’ll just stay like this until she is here, okay?” He explained in a gently voice with so much warmth in his eyes that only turned away to check the hallway for the nurse. “I won't leave you at any point, all you need to do is breathe and tell me if you feel dizzy again, alright, my dear?”

In the days after, he made it a habit of his to always hold your hand when you were around. His mind kept replaying the worst case of you falling to the ground without anyone there to cushion your fall, so feeling your touch helped him fight off the anxiety of it happening again. 

Posted: 8 May 2022 | Requests: Open (head canons, drabbles, scenarios for all characters!) | Match-ups: Closed

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu writing #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #hq headcanons #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu x reader #karasuno x reader #Daichi x reader #sugawara x reader #suga x reader #Asahi x reader #ennoshita x reader #Tanaka x reader #nishinoya x reader #tsukishima x reader #Yamaguchi x reader #kageyama x reader #hinata x reader #sawamura daichi #sugawara koushi #azumane asahi #Tanaka ryuunosuke #nishinoya yuu #Tsukishima Kei #Yamaguchi Tadashi #kageyama tobio #hinata shouyou #ennoshita chikara

[beenjen]

Last year, mom had a CT scan, as routine follow up for her cancer treatment. It showed that an abdominal tumor was gone. We were in a shellshocked state, as she had been in and out of the hospital a couple of times with a gallbladder obstruction requiring a stent, a bowel obstruction, a couple of other things, and weren’t sure that was good news or just more information.

I remember a conversation with her on the phone so vividly. I was putting Lilith to bed, and we both said that we weren’t wanting to get excited, because the word remission had been thrown around 4-5 times and it wasn’t truly remission and we felt like ping pong balls with our emotions.

She was fine the next week. In hindsight, I can see where we could have handled a few things differently. What would the overall outcome have been? Who knows. My brother and I were on tenuous speaking terms because of the disagreement over my neice, and we had been at another facility with our dad trying to get a lung biopsy.

They had difficulty getting a sample of the lung tumor - which we later found out was carcinoma. They had to sedate him pretty heavily, I was trying to work from the waiting room, and we took him home. Mom had been in the hospital the week before and unbeknownst to us, she wasn’t really drinking and eating what she said she was eating and drinking. Later conversations with my uncles - her 2 younger brothers - revealed she had been sharing with them she was ready to stop fighting and was waiting to talk with dad, my brother and I.

Jon, my brother and I, made amends that day while dad was getting scoped. It was a deep and intentful talk. We were honest. It was good. When we took dad home, he and mom said they were fine. Didn’t need either of us to stay, and after being in hospital with mom the week before and missing my family, I came home. I didn’t realize she was so dehydrated. I didn’t realize she wasn’t eating what I had made and left there - pudding, smoothies, soups.

Dad’s sampling was on a Friday. Saturday I stayed home after talking with mom and dad, them saying they were resting but fine. Sunday morning dad called and mom had fallen going to the restroom and had laid on the floor all night as she wasn’t strong enough to get back in the bed, and he hadn’t called us. When he did call, my SIL, brother and the kids, C and I were up there w/i 30 minutes. She was super lethargic. He, my dad, had called my aunt, and they had made a palate on the floor for mom and stayed with her, but otherwise done nothing. When I saw her, laying there on the floor, having lost so much weight, lethargic, a big part of me knew. I knew.

We called an ambulance, her bp was in the toilet. When she was taken to the er, her lactic acid was through the roof, bp still tanked, and I knew. I worked in the surgical intensive care unit for a decade. I knew. She was given 11 liters of fluids and was more responsive, but I talked with an old army doc, who was fucking incredible. He had heard I worked where I work, that my dad was a veteran, and he was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. His eyes told me.

I stayed with her, left for a short window to take Lilith to the pre-k discovery day, and came back. I faught for 8 hours to keep her hydrated, we were waiting on an icu bed, and her bp was super low. There weren’t resources, it wasn’t ideal, and to be honest, I was in fucking denial. The low BP and dehydration, her body had taken a hit with the cancer and long chemo battle, her body just couldn’t bounce back from.

The first couple days she had some BP support and we did some studies. She was with it, but wouldn’t let me do her hair or put her in her home gown. I knew. Still head in the sand.

We tried a feeding tube. I got her up in the bed. She was doing so good, I went home. My aunt came to stay with her overnight. By the time I got back in the morning, it was a different picture.

Should I have stayed? Should I have not left the weekend before? Should I have any number of things? When I got back the next morning, she was on respiratory support, right below a ventilator. It was a face mask and she was struggling with it and trying to take it off. I talked to her and asked her some questions. I confirmed she was of sound mind. Asked her about if she wanted a ventilator. Told her about the potential outcome if we did that, 50/50 at that point with her current strength and battle.

Mom told me she didn’t want to be intubated. I asked her over and over if she knew, that if we didn’t put in a breathing tube she would die. She said yes. I held her hand. Took my time. Reconfirmed many times. Just to be sure. Then I called my brother.

At that time here in Tennessee. We were having tornado weather and heavy rain/thunderstorms. I had to call my SIL to break him out of a city council meeting - he’s important. Then he was heading to get my dad. With the weather and signal at my parents, I had a difficult time reaching my dad. I had to tell my brother, my SIL, and then my father, that mom was finished.

My dad’s sister, my moms brothers, have all told me over and over and independently, that they were proud of me and that I did what mom wanted and how much they appreciated that I respected moms wishes, but a part of me still screams inside that I should have pushed and tried harder for her. The realistic and medical side knows better.

Mom went from 250 lb to 120 lb. Her blood pressure was too low for too long for central organ perfusion - intenstines, kidneys - and had she not had cancer and the overall loss on board, maybe? With that and other circumstances, we would have bought a tracheostomy and mom never coming around.

We went from a clear ct to a withdrawal of care in a weeks time. It was my call. My voice, representing what my mom wanted. It was the last thing I could do for her. To respect her. I KNOW it was right. I KNOW it was what she wanted and it would have resulted ultimately. I know we were fucking lucky to have her present and pleasant ultimately until the end. Right up until the end.

It still haunts me.

It haunts me friends. What would have happened if I didn’t leave the hospital? Should I have overroad her wishes and had her intubated? Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Did I not do my best? Care for her the best? Miss something?

Put a candle in the window. I’ll have a candle lit from now until I join her. As long as I can see the light. I’ll miss her always. And that’s the story. I

t’ll be 1 year this weekend, she would not want me carrying this. Feeling this. She would want me to fly.

Om shanti, shanti, shanti xx

#Spotify #dealing with grief #greif #sorrow #loss #cancer sucks #fuck cancer

[ellewritesandrants]

Billy gets drugged and calls 911 AU Part 2

PART 1

Samantha Collins knew that what she was doing was illegal and could possibly get her to lose her job but she didn't care. She made a promise to a little boy who needed help that she would find his mother and Sam would do everything in her power to find that woman so she could hopefully talk some sense into her.

Thankfully, it didn't take Sam all too much effort to find Billy's mom's information because she’d had a court case against Neil Hargrove, Billy's father. Sam had only had to spend one break to find her current contact details which she had carefully written down, making sure that no one saw her doing anything out of the ordinary.

As soon as her shift was over at 8 am, Sam would be rushing to her personal phone and praying to a God she no longer believed in that this woman still gave a shit about her abandoned son.

_________

It was just another chaotic Saturday morning at the Williams Household. The twins were still difficult to feed even if they'd just turned five but thankfully, reinforcements in the form of their grandparents were set to arrive soon.

Elizabeth just had to hold on long enough for her husband's parents to finish their breakfast before they could walk over to their house to help deal with the twins. Sadly, her husband couldn't be much help since he was in the shower, preparing to head into work on a Saturday.

Of course, luck wasn't on her side because the phone rang just as she had served the twins their breakfast. Her husband was set to come into the office today for an emergency meeting so it might just be his secretary asking what time he'd arrive but she wouldn't know until she picked up the phone.

Elizabeth had been glad they'd had the phone installed somewhere where she could see the kids eating or playing since God knew how many times she'd had to field calls for her husband.

She prayed to the Lord to give her strength and patience as she left the twins to their breakfasts, wincing internally at the mess she'd have to clean up later before picking up the phone.

“Hello?”

An unfamiliar woman answered which instantly got Elizabeth on edge. She took a quick glance at her kids, noticing the bigger mess they were making but unable to be mad at the unbridled joy in their faces.

“Hi! is this Mrs. Elizabeth Frank nee Williams?”

Elizabeth knew she didn't have any issues with the bank so they wouldn’t have to call her. She also knew that this wasn't something for her kids' school so she didn't know what this call could be about. She didn't have that much time to beat around the bush though since her twins were making an even bigger mess for every second she stayed away.

“Yes, yes, that’s me. Who’s calling?”

“I’m Samantha Collins and I’m an 911 emergency response call operator. I’m calling on behalf of William Hargrove-“

Elizabeth's heart dropped to her stomach. Her ears were ringing. Her world was spinning around her and the only thing keeping her grounded was the phone in her hands. Something happened to Billy. Something awful happened to her son and she didn't even know where he was. How was she supposed to help? Hell, how had this lady even found her? Why the fuck was 911 involved? What the hell was going on?

“B-Billy? W-What happened to him?”

“He called in late last night because he was drugged with an unknown substance. Thankfully, the ambulance was able to respond fairly quickly but when I was keeping him conscious, he asked me to find you.”

Oh God. She might've just lost her son before she even found him again. Fuck, what was the point of hiring private investigators to find her son if she was too late? She needed to see him, with her own two eyes just to make sure he was alive. She would focus on making him well once she’d taken him away from Neil.

“Where is he? Do you know where my son is?” Elizabeth asked frantically.

“He should be currently committed to Hawkins General Hospital in Hawkins, Indiana.”

Suddenly, she felt like an idiot for not thinking that Neil would eventually drag Billy back to the hellhole they had escaped from, but she could have sworn that the private investigator they’d hired had ruled out Hawkins as a possibility months ago. The bastard must’ve only recently gone back.  

“Hawkins? Fuck, I should have known Neil would eventually want to go back to that hellhole. That asshole must’ve had something to do with this. Please, tell me that Billy’s safe from that bastard.” Elizabeth pleaded.

“Don’t worry, Ma’am. I talked the hospital staff into not accepting visitors from his family after he told me about the abuse.”

This lady just confirmed her worst nightmares. Fuck! She knew that she shouldn’t have left without Billy that night but all she was going to do was to get the divorce papers to her lawyer before Neil could rip them up. It hadn’t even taken her an hour to get back but as soon as she got home, an empty house greeted her and she’d fallen to her knees and wept in anguish at losing her son.

What followed had been a year-long battle in the courts where she’d been painted as a crazy woman by Neil’s asshole friends who all lied on stand to a judge they’d considered a friend. She’d lost everything thanks to the lies of a bunch of bastards, but the worst loss was that of her son.

Neil had told her point blank on the day the judge granted full custody to him that she would never be able to find him again and she had burned to prove him wrong after all of these years but not like this. Never like this.

“Fuck, I knew Neil would never change. Damned bastard hid my son from me and he bribed the judge to drop my case and consider me crazy. I’ve been trying to find my son for the past 8 years and this is how I find him. Fuck!”

“Rest assured, Ma’am that his situation is being handled with the utmost care. I already contacted the local Sherriff’s department about the situation so they should fix things soon.”

That eased Elizabeth’s worries slightly. She was able to take a deep breath before suddenly remembering her kids still eating their breakfast. She quickly looked up to check on them only to be greeted by the sight of her confused husband, already dressed for work but helping out with the twins.

George had silently asked who it was and all she did was point to a picture of baby Billy. His eyes widened before resolve hardened his face while nodding at the twins, signifying that he’d handle their breakfast. It was times like these that made her grateful to have found her new husband because he was so different from Neil and exactly what she needed right now.

“That’s good. Do they have whoever did this is custody?”

“There’s a slight problem with that, Ma’am. Um, from what your son told me, it was his stepsister who did it.”

His what? Elizabeth hadn’t even known that Neil had gotten remarried. She’d have felt some pity for the poor woman he’d trapped in marriage had that bitch’s daughter not been the one to hurt her son to the point of needing to call 911. Now, she just felt rage at the people who added to her son’s pain.

“Fuck! I should have known Neil would find the worst possible people in the world just to torment Billy. Fuck, I need to call out of work for the next few weeks so I can go take care of him and I need to get a nanny set up for the rest of my kids. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for helping me find my son again.”

Elizabeth didn’t know what she would have done if she had had to read about her son’s death in a newspaper obituary because she hadn’t tried to find him hard enough. Sure, she’s spent thousands of dollars on private investigators and the court case but at the end of the day, she wouldn’t have found her son if it wasn’t for the kindness of this stranger who had helped her son find help and now helped her find her son.

She owed this woman her life for giving her the chance to reconnect with her son and to help him the way she’s always wanted from the moment she first held him in her arms.

“It was my honor, Ma’am.”

“Call me Elizabeth, no more of this Ma’am bullshit. You’ve saved my son’s life, after all.”

“Call me Sam then. If it’s no trouble, would you mind if I gave you my number? I’m kind of invested in seeing your son recover because I know what it’s like to be in his situation. He needs people in his corner and I want to help give that to him.”

That would barely make a dent in the debt she owed Sam but if updates were all she wanted at the moment, Elizabeth would happily give them to her. Sam saved Billy even if it was her job to do so and she went out of her way to find a way to contact Elizabeth and Elizabeth could never thank her enough for doing it.

“Of course, Sam! Updates are the least I can do.”

Elizabeth noted the number that Sam gave her on the sticky notes George had left by the phone because of all of his work calls taken at home. She looked up quickly to see her kids still making a mess but unsurprisingly, her husband was still clean despite it all. Her husband’s training of having younger siblings comes in handy for cases like this.

“Is that everything?”

“Before you go though, I need you to know something. Normally, I would never dare reveal something like this but I don’t want you to come back into your son’s life only to leave when you find out something you won’t like.”

This was heading into odd territory but there was nothing in this world that could stop her from loving her son. She had given birth to him, raised him and loved him for all of these years. Even if he became a criminal on the run from the law, she’d still love him.

“What is it?”

“Your son said that he’s queer. If you have any problems with that, with all due respect, don’t bother coming back into your son’s life.”

Was that it? Elizabeth had known for the second he fell in love with her dresses and how he’d loved to watch her put on her makeup that her son wasn’t like the other boys and she loved him regardless.

“Sam, I love my son. I’ve known since he was a kid that he wasn’t like other boys and I loved him regardless of that. My son could say that he wants to be my daughter and I wouldn’t have any fucking problem with that because I gave life to that kid and I never wanted to do anything that would dull that spark of life in his eyes. I had to leave that night to get things in order but I was coming back that same evening for my son. Neil left with Billy before I had a chance to and he slandered me in court and had his friends lie on the stand to keep Billy away from me. I love my son and nothing in this world will ever change that.”

“Good. That kid needs someone in his corner, Elizabeth. You don’t know how heartbreaking it was to hear his story and not be able to do a damned thing until the authorities arrived. He needs his mama.”

Elizabeth knew that by leaving, she had hurt him irrevocably but she had to have some hope that she could mend their broken relationship and make something beautiful out of it again. She knew that Billy needed her but she had to give them a fighting chance before leaving a man like Neil.

She had made it out of that relationship broken and alone and it had taken years before she was stable enough to even consider being a mother again but there hasn’t been a single day since she left that she didn’t think about her son. A single day never passed without her praying to God for protection for her son and for hope that she could find him again and get him away from Neil for good.

Now that she had the opportunity to take care of her firstborn child again, she wouldn’t waste it. Elizabeth was going to bring her baby home so that he could meet his two younger siblings who she raised with stories about their big brother and couldn’t wait to meet him.

She was going to finally be able to give him the father he deserved in George who was raised to be a kind and accepting man who never raised his voice in anger and actually bothered to communicate. Elizabeth would be able to give him a large extended family that’s been helping her in finding him ever since she told them about him.

Hell, she could even give him the gay uncles he’s never really had since George’s younger brother was gay and had a partner of 10 years. They were still happily invited to every family gathering and no batted at an eye at the fact that he was gay even if they were all religious.

Elizabeth could finally give Billy the life she’s always wanted to give him but she needed to help him first and hope to God that he would allow her to help.   

“And I’m going to be there, Sam. Don’t worry. I’ll update you once I know his status. Thank you, for helping my son last night and for helping me find my son.”

“The only thanks I’ll accept is in the form of your son recovering and being able to get away from his shitty situation there. If ever he wants to meet me once he’s out of the hospital, just tell me. Hawkins is only a two-hour drive away, but I don’t want to be a creep who’s checking in on him even if I did manage to make some kind of a difference in that kid’s life.”

Maybe Elizabeth could fly her out once Billy was recovered? Some way or the other, she would find a way to get them to meet but first, she would need to get herself to Hawkins to help her son.

“You already made a difference, Sam. I’ll be sure to keep in touch and if I know my son, he’ll want to thank his savior in person as soon as he can.”

“I’ll wait for it then. Good luck, Elizabeth.”

“Thanks, Sam. I need it. Before you go though, I need to thank you one more time. You’ve given me the chance to find my son again and even if it’s in these dire consequences, thank you for bothering to find me and for caring about my son and helping him when I couldn’t.”

A long pause followed, causing Elizabeth to think that Sam had dropped the call but some sniffling was soon heard on Sam’s side.

“Truthfully, I saw myself in him so please, just take care of him.” Sam whispered.

“I promise I will. Thank you for finding me.”

“Thank you for caring.”

The call finally dropped and Elizabeth felt like she could breathe again. A quick glance at the wall clock told her that the most gut-wrenching call of her life didn’t even last more than 10 minutes. She took a few deep breaths and looked around and it took a few seconds to register before she noticed that the kids were gone, causing her to momentarily panic for the few minutes it took for her husband to come back into their kitchen and dining room.

"Where are the kids?” Elizabeth asked, mildly panicked.

“My parents came by while you were on the call, so I asked them to take the kids for the day and they thankfully agreed.”

That explained the missing kids. George quickly pulled her in for a quick hug and she melted in his embrace. It felt nice to be able to have moments like this after what she’d just gone through.

“Thanks for that. The call really had me shaken. Wait, aren’t you late for work?” Elizabeth inquired.

“I’m the boss, babe. They can stand to wait a few minutes. Was that Billy?”

“Sadly, no but it was related to Billy.”

“Oh, did the private investigator we hired finally find him?”

Elizabeth snorted.

“No, not even close.”

“Then who was it?”

Elizabeth had to fight to keep her temper under control and to keep the anger out of her voice at the situation her son had been put in but she still failed miserably.

“Apparently, Billy called 911 yesterday because his stepsister injected him with an unknown drug. The operator who kept him lucid called me earlier because apparently, Billy asked her to find me.”

“What? His stepsister drugged him?” George asked, incredulously.

“That was my reaction!”

“Shit, that Neil bastard really went looking for the worst possible people to ruin Billy’s life, huh.”

It was really validating for Elizabeth that her husband had the same reaction to everything that she did.

“He tried to ruin mine and failed so I guess he settled for trying to ruin Billy’s instead.”

“Did the operator tell you where he was taken? I’m assuming he was picked up by an ambulance.”

“Yeah, Sam told me that he was taken to Hawkins General and that they’d alerted the local Sheriff about the situation since Billy basically confessed to Neil’s abuse while drugged.”

“Sam?”

“The operator. She was very nice to even try to find me because I’m not sure if that was allowed or not.”

“We’ll send her a fruit basket later. Wait, Hawkins? Isn’t that where you and Neil were from?” George inquired.

Elizabeth shrugged.

“Yeah. I guess there’s a bit of unfinished business I need to handle there.”

“Well, unless you need me there, I can man the fort here for the next few weeks. I can get Sarah to book you the next flight to Indiana if you want.” George offered.

Elizabeth bit her lip out of habit. It’d always been one of her nervous tics, one that she’d inadvertently passed onto her kids.

“What about the twins?”

“I can get the nanny to take care of them when they’re not in school or daycare and you know my parents love having the twins at their place. Now that Joshua and Jessica have gotten their own individual personalities, Mom and Dad love watching them play and helping them learn.”

“You’re sure you can handle it all on top of work?” Elizabeth pressed.

“Eliza, I can handle it. I know you’ve wanted to see Billy again for the past 8 years and I’ll do anything you need to support you right now. If you want me to come as moral support, I can do that too.”

“I think it’s better if I go alone first, maybe set the scene about how we integrated him into the family even if he wasn’t actually here so that he won’t feel like an outsider.”

“You make a good point. Hopefully though, he’ll like me.”

“He will, George. Can you ask Sarah to book the flight?”

“Oh sure, I’ll borrow the phone to call the office while you pack your stuff.”

Elizabeth was so overcome with love for her husband in that moment that she couldn’t help but reach up and kiss him lightly.

“Thanks for being so supportive of this, George.”

“Billy’s already family to me, Eliza. Go and take care of our son so we can bring him home.”

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove deserved better #billy deserved better #billy hargrove au #ellewritesandrants #billy hargrove's mother #stranger things rewrite #911 call #stranger things s2 #tw child abuse #tw drugs

[arch-whatscanon]

hiiiii. i had a really traumatic start to my morning, so i'm trying to come down from that. i might be here, i might be there, i might be dissociating today idk. but i hope you all have a great saturday. ♡

my dad was trying to load his lawnmower ( the thing's fucking huge. i just tried to flip it right side up and i can't do it ) and flipped it over onto himself. he says he's okay, his back and arm just hurt. but we had to call an ambulance. he's in the emergency room. my mom's there. i'm staying here to take care of the pets and what not and i'm just in a state of erihjgeoihjihjwoighj but he stood up and he also made me take a picture of himself to show him what he looked like. he's also taken a selfie with three nurses, so the one who needs to be the most is in good spirits lmao

#˙ ˖ ✶ OOC #injury / hospital mention in the cut

[writercole]

Illicit Affairs

Part 1

Summary: A coffee date brings up some old feelings, and some new problems Squares: Love after heartbreak @spnfluffbingo // Jealousy @creatively-analytical's follower bingo (that I'm so behind on) Words: 1378 Warnings: Discussion of stalking, mentions of canon-level violence, slight discussion of injury, dealing with an ex Credits: @flamencodiva for looking over this for me like the babe she is. A/N: This is all @b3autyfuldisast3r's fault.

There are no tags for this series. Please follow the #illicitaffairs tag or the newly formed @coleslibrary

The small cafe was loud, busy for a Saturday morning. You and Sam had agreed to meet here at nine o’clock to catch up. You teetered between excitement and regret, hope and guilt.

When you slipped out of bed this morning, you’d told your fiance you were meeting a girlfriend for coffee. You felt bad about lying but Steve was a jealous man. If you would have just said ‘old friend’ or Sam or ex-boyfriend, he’d have flown off the handle.

Your musings were interrupted by Sam sitting across from you. He looked good, you admitted, but something was missing. His eyes that used to have such joy, such spark, were sad and lonely.

“Morning,” he greeted.

“Morning.”

“Uh, thanks for meeting me here. I feel like the last time I saw you really didn’t do me any favors,” he said, his head hung low and his long chestnut locks falling into his eyes.

“You don’t say,” you snapped. “The last time I saw you was when you promised, you swore, that you would be at my house by six so we could go to dinner before prom. And then you stood me up.”

“That’s not -”

“I called you for two hours before I accepted that you weren’t coming.” You squeezed your eyes shut for just a second, willing the tears to stay in your eyes, to not fall down your cheeks in response to the old wounds that were reopened.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “My brother got hurt out of state and I had to go. My uncle didn’t give me any time to call you.”

“And after?”

“Dean couldn’t be alone for a long time. The werew-”

Sam stopped mid-sentence, his eyes wide with realization and fear, awaiting your response.

“I’m sorry, were you going to say ‘werewolf’?” you snarked quietly, the question rhetorical since you knew exactly what you’d heard.

“I, uh…” he stammered, trying to figure out how to tell you about everything. With a sigh, he decided to just do it. Rip off the band-aid, so to speak.

“My family were hunters,” he started, “but the kind that hunt supernatural creatures. Werewolves, vampires, wendigos.”

“So they’re all real?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“And your brother was attacked brutally by one of these…wolves?”

“Yeah. Uncle Bobby picked me up right after you left and we high-tailed it to the forest Dean had been hunting in.” Sam swallowed hard and fidgeted with his coffee mug. “We found him, barely alive, just inside the trees, blood oozing from wounds on his chest, arms, legs. We actually called the ambulance for him, something we never do. It’s hard to explain the kind of wounds we get.

“We told the EMTs that he had been camping. There were apparently all manner of big clawed animals in those woods so they didn’t question anything. He was out for days. When he came to, our dad showed up and demanded that he get out of the hospital and finish his job. Uncle Bobby and I kicked him out. Told him not to contact us again.”

Sam paused and you just stared at him. You knew his dad was toxic, he’d told you that much, but you had no idea it was that bad.

“Wow, Sam, I’m sorry.” Even as you said them, the words felt inadequate for what you knew he’d dealt with.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Sam insisted, “Honestly, thinking of you is what kept me sane during the time I wasn’t sure Dean would make it. I told myself that I’d go back as soon as I could and beg for your forgiveness. In August of that year, I called your parents’ house. Your mom told me you’d gone to Northwestern. That you seemed happy there. Then she told me to stay far away from you because I had shattered your heart. So, Dean and I moved to California. I went to Stanford and switched from pre-law to pre-med.”

“And now you’re here, against overwhelming odds, sitting in a little cafe in Sioux Falls with your high school sweetheart,” you chuckled.

“And now I’m here,” he smiled. “So tell me about your life.”

You detailed your experience at Northwestern, talked about your dad passing away after you graduated, how you’d met your fiance, opening your own business.

“So you’re a small business owner back in your home town with a fiance,” he summarized, his tone masking the distaste in his mouth at mentioning the man you were engaged to.

“Basically, yeah,” you confirmed with a shrug. “What about you? Any special lady scoop you up yet?”

“I wouldn’t say scooped me up. I’m seeing someone. Amelia,” he admitted quietly. What he didn’t say was that Amelia couldn’t hold a candle to you, not then, not now, not ever. You had bewitched him back then and the spell had never broken. He still wanted you as much or more than he did back in high school.

You and Sam talked for hours, patrons filtering in and out while baristas called out orders and bussers cleaned tables. It was easy, spending time with him again. You smiled and laughed as you shared stories and passed the time.

Your phone started ringing, lighting up with Steve’s name. You ignored the call and the three after it, choosing instead to talk to the friend you’d been missing for over a decade. You did start to wrap up your meeting, knowing you had a very limited amount of time before Steve used your find my phone website.

“Thanks for suggesting we meet up, Sam,” you smiled. “I had a really great time.”

“Can we do this again?” he blurted out.

“What about your girlfriend? My fiancé?” 

“We’re just two friends hanging out? Why would that be an issue?” he questioned with his eyebrows raised.

“You don’t know Steve,” you scoffed as you grabbed your purse.

“So he doesn’t know you’re out with me?” Sam pried, a smug look on his face.

“No. And he won’t find out,” you muttered, vaguely threatening the 6’ 4” doctor.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “here’s my card. That’s my personal cell number. The ball is in your court.”

You both stood and he followed you out of the cafe, his hand a comforting presence on the small of your back. He kissed your cheek before you parted ways, last lingering glances tossed over your shoulders.

Your phone started ringing again as you turned the corner. You glanced at the screen and saw your best friend, Brooke, calling.

“Girl, where are you!?” she exclaimed as soon as you answered. “Steve just called me looking for you. I covered for your ass but now I need the details.”

“What did you tell him?” you questioned, your stomach dropping when you heard that he’d called her.

“That you went to the bathroom and left your phone at the table. So you have about two seconds to spill before he’s calling you again.”

“Okay so you know I had my annual yesterday? Well my old doctor retired and the new one, Dr. Winchester, is the ex that ruined me, the one that stood me up for prom. He asked me for coffee and we spent all morning catching up and -” you stopped, hearing an incoming call. “Shit, that’s Steve. Talk soon!”

You switched to answer Steve’s call without waiting for her response. “Hey, you,” you cooed.

“Did you have fun with Brooke?” he responded.

“Yeah, we’re having a great time,” you corrected, hoping that he believed you.

“Okay, sweetie. Have fun. I’ll see you at home. I love you,” he told you.

“I’ll be back soon. I love you, too,” you replied, hoping he couldn’t sense your lie.

Hanging up the phone, you breathed a sigh of relief. You didn’t notice the man half a block behind you, sunglasses covering his eyes and a hat low on his head. He’d been watching for nearly an hour, seeing you laughing with him, talking to him, flirting with him. He was upset that you’d lied to him when you left but more so when you continued lying about being with Brooke. Steve was nothing if not patient. You’d tell him the truth eventually. One way or another.

#writercole #spnfluffbingo #sam winchester #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x fem reader #doctor sam winchester #doctor au #illicitaffairs

[amusementofaprincess]

My weekend DID NOT GO TO PLAN.

The plan you ask? Friday, Saturday and Sunday- go to RI Comic Con.

Monday (today) - help my mom move

What did I do instead?

Friday - vomit everything I have ever eaten and then some more. Then from Midnight - 4 just kind of not stop.

Saturday 430am - go to the ER. Takes forever to be seen. Thank goodness for those blue/purple plastic tubes. They act like I’m dry heaving for dramatic effect. Pretty sure since I said the middle of my stomach hurt they thought I wanted drugs

I think around 730 they do a CT scan.

3.5 hours, many dry heaves and an embarrassing need for dry pants later - I see thr doctor and my nurse again. Literally haven’t seen the doctor since he looked at me 630am. Haven’t seen the nurse since he put in an iv, gave me zofran and left. (A different help with the embarrassing incident).

I have large abscess in my stomach and a perforation. They can’t do the surgery there (small hospital. Can handle like appendectomies ect. Not this) so I’m getting transferred to a large hospital in RI vis ambulance.

By 1pm I’m in RI getting prepped for Surgery. I had to get a CATHETER. And it was Terrible.

Now the timeline going forward is from my mom:

Surgery started around 2ish. Ended around 630.

I had a 3cm perforation that the surgeon said looked like it formed, accessed and oh yeah, nearly f***ing killed me in 24-48 hours.

Literally. If I had be slower going up I could have died.

My mom went home, I went to post op recovery for a while where I was in terrible pain and spiked a fever. (One is normal, pain was not cool)

Luckily my current hospital actually cares.

I was on a patient controlled pump - so it was great when I was awake. But if I fell asleep I stopped pushing it. They changed that fast to a constant low does with option to boost as needed.

Saturday night: I’m moved to a Step Down Unit. Which is like not quite in the ICU not quite general ward.

Sunday: a blur, still had the catheter. My mom visited. Pain was under control so I sat in a chair for almost 2 hours per the request of the nice PT lady.

Getting up was awful. Getting back in bed awful. Chair was fine. 

Sunday night: had a dilaudid induced nightmare so bad my nurse was coming to check on me because my heart rate shot up out of nowhere. She reassured me I was awake, safe, and where I was and then held my hand and patted my head until I could calm down.

Monday morning: woke up at to a gaggle of med students around my bed. They took off my surgical binder to see my 48 stables and then squished my boobs so bad putting it back on I had to call my nurse and say “Meghan they smooshed my boobs help”

Rest of Monday: catheter out. It still hurts there because of course it was (the nurse was great. I’m not blaming her)

But I can pee!

And I have! Twice! (No food or liquids by mouth til Thursday so IV only)

Sat in the chair for 4 hours!

Had a mild panic attack (dropped my call bell and every fluid/antibiotic hit 30 min warning. I can’t yell cause of the NG tube so I just started sobbing.

Day nurse found me and saved me/hugged me/distracted me with cough drops and Netflix show.

Then! I walked from chair to door to bed.

That brings us current. I wanted to sleep but another surgeon walked in, woke me up looked at my staples, told me looks good GET SOME REST.

I’m here for like 2 weeks. Someone needs to let sleep!

#this is unedited #and written on pain meds #have fun

[chanterelledreams]

What's been happening lately- CW- death of a loved one, abuse (not in details), childhood neglect

Feel free to ignore! Long, long post. Sorry for any typos.

My father passed away unexpectedly on September 27 this year. He had been sick starting saturday night with what he thought was a stomach virus.

I went to see him at 9:30pm on monday night, and he was ok- just said he had terrible stomach cramps.

My mom texted me early the next day to call her. She had called the ambulance around 5:30am on Tuesday morning, as my dad was trying to stand up and couldn't, and wasn't completely lucid. At that point, we didn't know what was wrong other than his heart was beating very fast.

I went to see him at 2:30pm in the hospital- he was talking and making sense, but still had bad cramps and kept gasping for breath. We spoke briefly and I gave him a kiss, saying goodbye and that we'd be back later. Visits are limited to 15 mins due to covid, and he was going in for more tests. The nurse told me his heart was beating fast, and they found out he had a bad infection, and would most likely spend the night at the hospital.

His doctor called me as we drove away from the hospital, he re-iterated the heart and infection thing and that while he was stable right now, just to be aware this situation could change at any moment.

I went to my mom's house and helped her cancel a trip they were taking down south (their plane was scheduled to leave early the next morning).

When I finally convinced my mom to come to the hospital to see him, we were taken to a room with the doctor. He explained that my dad was septic, and they found a blockage or a twisted area in his intestines. He explained that his heart was beating too fast (around 198) and they had to shock it to slow it down. It took 6 tries. He also explained that they had induced a medical coma, and he was being transferred to another hospital in intensive care.

My mom flat out refused to go to the other hospital, despite the doctor's insistance, so she had me go.

I arrived there before my dad. Saw his being rushed in on the hospital bed. Saw a nurse running out of the room then back in. The nurse, inhalotherapist and doctor that had supervised the transfer came to see me and told me he was not doing good at all. I was trying hard to hold it together at that point.

The doctor came to see me an hour later. My dad had crashed- his heart rate high and blood pressure low. They stabilized him after an hour- but it was the last time. The meds were all maxxed out, and to call the family.

I lost it then.

My spouse called my sister and my mom, having them come over to say goodbye.

My mom stayed for maybe 10 mins, until my sister arrived, then left.... and doing so, forced me to be the one to take the final decision, to turn off the machines that were keeping him alive.

His organs had been without blood for an hour- and that's without counting the previous crash that happened. His kidneys were failing when he first got to the hospital. There was nothing they could do.

He had septic shock, caused by mesenteric ischemia- a blood clot blocked a major vessel in his large intestine- which was dying by that point.

It was a shock. A slap in the face. He was 67 years old.

I never had a great relationship with my parents. They were both neglectful and abusive- moreso my mom. Verbal abuse was a daily thing, and she poured beer on my head more than once when i was a child. She also broke a plate on my head when i was a teen. My dad never hit me, my sister or my mom, but raised his fists at me once. He was verbally abusive in a certain way- angry, raised voice and curses directed at me was not uncommon.

There was no love between them. I saw my mom punch, slap, hit my dad on more than one occasion. She knew he wouldn't hit back. She called him terrible things, threatened him into doing whatever she wanted. He changed from the person I knew as my dad as a kid to an empty, unhappy husk.

They were millionaires- winning the lottery a while ago. My mom was thrilled- the only thing she loved in life was money. They spent most of it by now, and i've never seen a cent of it.

All this lead to the realization that a part of me was holding on to a sliver of hope that my dad would one day be back. If only the version my child mind had made up. When he passed, that chain snapped. I will never have the dad I thought I had. I will never have the parents I needed.

My mom has already started her manipulation, passive-aggressive tactics with me. She wants things done -now- and if you dare not do them, she WILL take it out on you.

This is the first time in my life that I've stood up for myself. I've always done whatever was needed to make her (and other abusive people in my life) happy. I was raised to make sure that people around me had what they wanted. Never question. Never say no.

This made me vulnerable to certain types of people, and destroyed any self esteem i had.

While I've made progress in the last decade or so recognizing these types of people, and how to protect myself, my dad's passing rocketed me forward. I feel more grounded than I've ever felt. I feel like i'm finally allowed (or allowing myself?) To be a person. To live. To have boundaries.

I've come a long long way, and there's still a while to go, but i'm getting there.

#Life #Personal #Family #Death #Narcissist mother #Childhood

[saturatedxsunset]

this last week has been absolute hell. I went to my doctor’s on wednesday at the hospital. 3 days later i tested positive for covid. I don’t know if i got covid from the hospital or the medical transport that I had.  the only other possible contenders was the Phlebotomist who came and took my mom’s blood work or my family friend who had came from the gym before seeing us and had went to a nursing home the day before. I don’t know. All i know is that I got it. I didn’t realize I had gotten it until I had a terrible sore throat saturday morning. I didn’t realize i was getting sick because the fatigue and pain i felt were the same that i get when my period is about to start. and it started the day i tested positive. For 2 and half years I’ve stayed home, wore my mask, got vaccinated/boosted and did what i could to limit any exposure to my mom and I. I still got it. I feel so guilty about it, but it was out of my control. I was more worried about my mom when I tested positive. She was already exposed to the virus before  I knew to isolate. For days, she tested negative. I thought we were in the clear, but last night my mom started getting sick. She had a fever, phelgm cough, had to raise her oxygen up, threw up and was really tired. This morning she said, she had a lot of trouble breathing because of the phelgm in her throat. She didn’t have appetite, she was really tired and trouble breathing, had a fever that kept coming/going and  had really sore throat  we tested her again and she was positive, she called her doctor and around 2pm she had her telehealth appt. her doctor told her she had to go to the hospital because of her age, health conditions and symptoms could mean she could have a really bad case, even if she’s vaccinated.  she couldn’t get the antiviral drug because it infers with her other medicine. i am terrified. i have not been able to calm down since she left in the ambulance. I know they’re most likely giivng her antibody treatments right now, getting imaging to determine if she developed pneumonia and if she’s stable. so i must wait until the doctor calls to tell me what’s going on. hopefully she can home tonight, but she may have to stay overnight for a few days. it depends. i just hope that is what happens. it’s really hard to not think about the bad things that could happen and the worst case scenarios. it’s hard to be blame myself and cry and scream and be so anxious. i feel so helpless. 

[janersm]

The text for all of the screenshots below will be included after the screenshots at the end of this post.

Between 3:27 and 3:37 PM CDT on July 4, 2022, while at my mom’s bedside in the emergency room of Huntsville Hospital, I made and updated a thread about my mom’s stay at Whitesburg Gardens, a Signature HealthCARE facility and how their actions led to my mom needing to be at the emergency room.

At 3:27:

I’m not saying the @LTCrevolution rehab my mom has been at for almost two weeks has made her kidneys, heart, and lungs significantly worse, but I’m not saying it hasn’t.

(Her labs that they twiddled their thumbs on ordering are totally saying it though.)

When we kept asking when they’d get her back on her medicine, they had to wait for a pharmacy to fill it. They still haven’t got her on one BP med and her bicarb medicine dose is too low vs what she’s supposed to be on.

When we kept asking when they’d check her creatinine, potassium, CBC, etc., they’d tell us “probably tomorrow” until the dietician ordered it—6 days into the stay.

When they got the CBC back, the next morning they sent her to get a blood transfusion. They didn’t monitor her closely after she got back.

When mom was lethargic on Saturday, a symptom that her CKD is worsening and/or that she may have respiratory acidosis, it took me calling the front desk TWICE to get them to call an ambulance.

An. Hour. After. I. Called. The. Last. Time.

When she couldn’t breathe and was coughing last night, the nurse refused to check on her. All. Night. Long.

She sent a message for mom to sit up through a CNA. Sitting up didn’t help. Two nebulizer treatments this morning didn’t help.

Now mom is at the ER (for the third time in a week and the second in three days) because she couldn’t oxygenate properly.

Her creatinine is up to 4.4 from 3.5 the day she went in.

Her CO2 went up by 4, into the high territory within the first week.

Her ProBNP is at 5055 pg/mL. Higher than at discharge.

Her potassium is high enough for her to probably need a potassium binder.

Her kidneys are now bad enough that she may need dialysis and I am so beyond pissed. One of her previous roommates made a comment last week that “it’s like they’re trying to kill us” and it kinda feels like they are.

At 3:37:

There have been incidents where they would stand in front of her and mock her for being unable to stand up. She was having trouble standing because CKD, heart, and lung problems cause muscle weakness and fatigue.

They responded at 8:32 AM CDT on July 5, 2022:

Silver Sky by Janet, we at Signature take all of your concerns very seriously, and we work hard to serve you, our residents, and their families. The care of our residents is our top priority. Please contact our CAREline at [phone] -Sincerely, Signature HealthCARE

I responded at 9:42 PM CDT on July 5, 2022:

The name is Janet, but I’m not surprised you have a form response/bot for your replies @LTCrevolution since that was the same way that y’all apparently handled 1-star reviews on Google reviews for Whitesburg Gardens.

I made sure to tell her nephrologist about the med changes y’all made that led to her kidneys worsening and to her altered mental status. To say he was livid would be an understatement. @LTCrevolution

As of around 11:30 PM CDT on July 5, her creatinine is still at 4.4 mg/dL and her potassium has gone up to 5.4 mmol/L. Her systolic blood pressure and diastolic blood pressure keep taking turns on the systolic being high with the diastolic being normal and the systolic being normal with the diastolic being high. She’s having trouble with her vision and her hearing that she wasn’t having before. She cannot feel areas of her body she could feel before two days ago. She is confused. She struggles with words. She is scared. She is combative. I don’t know if this is a temporary mental status change. I don’t know if her kidneys will rebound. I don’t know what will happen next, but I know that all of these changes in her labs and her personality and her new status as an end-stage renal disease patient are a result of the actions taken at Whitesburg Gardens.

Update (July 6, 2022 at 5:51 pm CDT): She has developed pancytopenia as a result of the mismanagement of her CKD. This means her red blood cell, white blood cell, and platelet counts are too low, and her body can no longer produce the erythropoietin needed to protect her blood cells from being attacked. She will need a second surgery for her dialysis fistula sometime soon and she may need emergency access while that heals.

#kidney failure #end stage renal disease #elder abuse #nursing home #caregiver #signature healthcare #skilled nursing facility #family #disabled #disability #neuropathy #twitter #hypertension #heart failure #whitesburg gardens #huntsville #alabama #ckd

[mymindisglitched]

Effexor almost killed me so I'm going to begin tapering off of that (my old dose was cut down from 225mg to 150mg) and am now going to try wellbutrin. Any bad side effects/withdrawal symptoms that anyone's struggled with regarding wellbutrin? Coming off of effexor has me hesitant to take nearly anything now lol

#my mom called the ambulance on saturday morning #but im ok nkw #still nauseous but im coping ok #he says as if he is coping at all #nah but for real tho #effexor withdrawl is the worst sickness ive ever had wtf #effexor #wellbutrin

[jadelynlace]

ink drinker / Modern Vikings AU, Ivar x F!Reader, Chapter 3

catch up here!

synopsis: Ivar was only meant to be a friend with benefits, but he caught feelings for his older brother’s best friend, and co-worker: you.

pairing: Ivar x F!Reader

author’s note & content warning: mentions of depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts; all pertaining to Ivar, not reader. mentions of therapy, medication and past history of self inflicted & blooming trauma. please read at your own risk. my messages are always, always open for anyone who may ever need a listener. anything in italics indicates a flash back. there are so many fucking feelings in this chapter that I just, am apologizing now. but there’s smut!

✎

It was gloomy the morning you remembered finally catching a glimpse of Ivar’s scars. Adorned and nearly smothered by him in his bed, the small snores from him somewhere draped across your skin, traveling over the plains in warm boulders. You were always drawn to the artwork on his limbs, there was always a smaller detail you missed and found within your next search but through the endless gazes you finally caught sight of the jagged white flesh. The since healed lacerations and your medical knowledge took full force of your mind. They were scars, they were healed scars, but they were scars from the straight edge of a razor blade. With such precision and such aftermath you knew they were the scars with one intent within their making. And they were there to tell you the secret horrors Ivar had not yet spoken—that there was a point where he felt his heart should no longer beat, and his lungs should no longer fill and that his life was meaningless. And that he should end it.

*

“Can I ask you something?” You finally find yourself mumbling; words floating through the cabin of the parked ambulance on stand by. Hvitserk’s coffee halfway through to his stomach when you peep in such a meek voice he almost coughs the molten liquid back out.

“Yeah, of course, Y/N,”

“How bad is Ivar’s depression?” And you simply ask. No foreword to the speech, no coating of sugar or dusting of fake joy. As blunt as you had been trained to voice the death of a loved one to their family. “I saw the medication in his cabinet, and I saw the scars on his wrists. I know it’s none of my business because he’s your brother, but…” and you can’t find a lie to justify it. Not ready to spill to your partner about the times Ivar had spilled into the condoms with you.

“Bad,” Hvitserk says, and just as bluntly. “He…he tried to kill himself in college. I don’t know if you’ve noticed how he’s never available Saturdays from eleven to noon, but that’s when he has therapy. I had been trying to convince him since high school to see someone, and Floki finally got through to him not too long ago,” He adds. “When I got that phone call from mom that he was in the hospital—I felt like such a failure, Y/N, because I knew it was coming and I did nothing to stop it,” Your hand goes to his wrist for a second, a quick squeeze of added support as you listen.

“Sometimes people refuse what’s good for them, Hvitty,” You start. “You should know that—how many times have we explained to someone why they should go to the hospital with us, but they still refuse?” He finally cracks a smile at that. “Do you think he’s in a better place now, mentally?”

“Either that, or he’s just stable. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Ivar doesn’t like to talk about his feelings…”

“Wow Hvitserk, I had no idea,” You tease, nudging him with both your elbow and sarcastic tone as the voice on the radio fills into the cabin. Your stand by is over and the conversation is dropped as you leave the scene.

*

There had been instances where you think he might be ready; he might understand that the new gifting of your relationship status might help him to realize you aren’t joking when you offer to listen. You’d listen to Ivar talk until he ran out of things to say if it came to that. More times now the words perched themselves on his lips, ready to spring forwards but he keeps pulling them back. He keeps swallowing them because they’re mixed like bile and stew and far too gross, far too un-human for him to even want to try to speak them to you. And then Ivar kicks himself for drowning these demons who have started to learn to swim and he sees you in your uniform and remembers that nothing phases you. You watch open heart surgery on the television while you eat his mother’s lasagna without a care in the world or a realization that what you were doing is unusual. 

“Can I talk to you?” Ivar says bluntly, sitting like a cowered dog in the living room and you’re hardly through his front door when he asks. You can feel how your head rises slowly, a quick snarky word to come back but you bite down on your tongue so roughly you can taste blood as you just look at him. You have never seen a man of his stature try to look so small, try to be so invisible. Worry comes to your face just as quickly as the next breath passes through your diaphragm and you’re on the couch before you even take your shoes off. “It’s messy,” He finally admits. Shallow and dead and you can see the broken boy that has tried to hide himself through the bulked muscles and the tattoos; the glare through his blue eyes and the curved lip.

“Most of what involves the human body is messy, Ivar,” You find yourself saying back, and it sounds pathetic to your ears. It sounds like you’re trying to tell the parent of a dead child that you know how they feel but you don’t. And you never will. But Ivar shedding this skin for you feels like you’re walking through the motions on a call, eyes from crowds of people crawling over and stuck on your every move. And every move that comes next like they’re watching a soap opera with their dinner and they’ve disconnect that what is happening is real, it’s someones life. Just like how you have to disconnect. But in this moment it’s Ivar, and you’re present. 

“Like paint,” Ivar mumbles next. 

“Yeah, like paint,” You repeat and there’s a smile on your lips for a second. “Ivar? You don’t do that anymore, do you?” You finally find the courage to ask.

“No,” Ivar says as he glances down at his right hand’s wrist, shoving the skin next to the sweatshirt he’s wearing as if rubbing it on the gray cotton will make those scars dissipate. “I get tattoos instead,” That causes a sick button to click in your consciousness as to why Ivar is so heavily covered from his shoulders to his ankles in artwork. How the sting of the needle dawning the creations reminded him of the blade he tried to use to make the mess of thoughts fly away. To make the demons come free through his skin and leave him with peace, if only a moment. 

“What helps? What helps you stay present?” You ask. Ivar blinks far too many times, sorting through his brain for the answers as if it’s a container of memorabilia that’s so unorganized even his mother can’t stand the sight of it.

“My brothers help, sometimes,” He says. “I think about how devastated my mom would be. I think about Floki. I think about all of the people in my life who say they want me here even when my mind is trying to tell me I don’t deserve to be.”

“I want you here, Ivar.” You say back and catch how he looks at you when you admit such.

“Why? Have you seen yourself, Y/N? You could have anyone you want and you choose me…” The sentence breaks your heart but you now know the darkness the climbs between his ears. The seed planted so long ago in the depths of brown ground somewhere and you want to pull it from the mental garden. You want to rip the roots right from the soil and burn them so they never have a chance to infest any farther.

“No one makes me feel the way you do, Ivar,” Are the first words from your mouth. “You make me smile, you make me feel important—you remind me how to escape. Even on the worst possible days I can have, you bring me back to reality.” You want to tell him how he’s addicting, how there’s a quality to him you can’t articulate but always keeps you coming back. How you want to keep coming back because both your mind, and your body know it’s safe. How he was someone so mysterious from the outside but past every highly built wall is a man who is just so simply himself. “Because you’re you, Ivar. With the bachelor’s degree in calculus, and the copious amounts of tattoos, and a heart of gold that…you forget that you have,” You finally add. “You’re someone different to the rest of the world, but you’re the real Ivar around me,” You worry that the silence that over takes him is a sign of something else. A sign that you spoke too much, again, and scarred him for more than he could withstand. And then he smiles. 

But you can’t understand why—why he smiles for someone like you. The one who let him design your first ever tattoo to his heart’s content. The one who has the same twisted sense of humor. The one who will bicker back and challenge him. The one who gets to see him fall apart between your legs. The one who makes him hard, and has him make those noises. The moans, the heavy panting and rasped groans as he bottoms out and moves through you. The one who gets to watch how his eyes snap shut, and his mouth drops open when you clench around him; how his entire back tenses when he’s close. How he holds you as he fills the rubber with everything he has. The man who loves your nails trailing on his skin. The man who smothers you every night that he spends with you, and every morning when you wake and he’s still there. Making you coffee and cooking you breakfast. How he knows your takeout order from your favorite places, and your work schedule. What food to have at his own apartment, and what movies he should have on demand. The spare clothes he keeps there for when you come over after work, ready to take the ambulance grime from your skin. The pads that are in his bathroom closet, the painkillers. The bottle of “girly white wine” that he won’t admit to drinking too, because it is damn good wine. The man who knows to check in with you during the day, and again to make sure you really are alright. The same man who knows if you don’t text him back, you and Hvitserk have gone knee deep into either a bullshit call, or a tragic one. As shocked as you were that he was listening to what you were saying—and taking it to heart—you were stunned that you hadn’t caught on to how obvious it was that Ivar was in love with you. Even with all of the time you spend crammed between your own thoughts.

“There’s a lot to sort through,” Ivar says again.

“That’s okay, Ivar,” You remind him, your head resting on his shoulder and you feel him shift, move his arm to encompass you as you curl against his side.

“You smell like bleach,” He softly laughs, his nose deep against your hair and you snort, reminded of the decontamination duties you were gifted from the calls today.

“Better than Hvitserk, who got puked on,” You reply. “Shower?” And you can feel Ivar nod against you. 

His hands don’t move rapidly to shed your clothing, or to shed his own. There’s a certain calmness through his motions as he waits for the water to warm, slipping your polo from your shoulders, and planting his lips in its wake. Against the base of your neck, your spine, hugging your body flush against his in front of the mirror. Your eyes catch sight of his hands coming back around you, squeezing your breasts and you can’t stop the moan that crawls from your mouth. The traces of artwork on his fingers as his lips move from your neck, to the shell of your ear and graze your pulse point. There’s a push from your backside against his groin, and Ivar growls in response, humming not far after as you feel how his cock hardens the farther his hands roam.   

Down your sides, your abdomen, swirling through your folds and dipping between them to catch your juices. Circling against the bundle of nerves he knows so precisely and you moan twice as loudly, and he does too as you moisten to his fingers. Your hands move to grab at him, anywhere they can and you find one hand holding his neck and the other wrapping around his length. Your nails crawl to his hair, pulling the locks down as his fingers take to moving quickly, spreading your womanhood and arousal and you suddenly can’t wait much longer to have him. And he can tell by how you whimper, whisper to him about how you want to feel him inside of you and there’s no fight anywhere on his body to try to deny the tone of your begging. Ivar’s eyes catch yours in the mirror as he finally pushes into you, the cold porcelain sink calming the heat of your skin as he bottoms out and rests his body against yours. There’s a sinful moan that comes through his lips as his eyes bore into yours, with the squeeze from your walls and warmth you spread through him and at first he can’t move, he only wants to savor it. His eyes finally close as he slips away from you, pushing in once more as your body rocks to the sink, singing back to him as the steam from the forgotten shower starts to fog against the mirror. Your name is through his lips as he moves, tattooed hands coming to find yours as he moves your body with each thrust, each timed sensation and you feel your own orgasm approaching. His mouth open on your ear, eyes screwed shut between love and ecstasy as his breath tickles down your face and you’re close now, far closer and far faster than you’ve ever been

“Ivar—” comes your voice and there’s only a hum in response, wordlessly pleading for you to let go because he’s got you, and you know that. Your knuckles white washed against his as you finish, shaking against the sink and you miss how Ivar’s eyes watch you unfold. Studying the pleasure laced in your features. 

“Where, baby?” He says quickly, and you shudder as you remember he’s bare now, condom long since forgotten but there are still the small pills you swallow. Still working somewhere you know of, but the accuracy decreases when you take them irregularly—and there’s a big part of your life that calls for that to happen. The alarming lights and loud tones. But you know that you’re safe. With Ivar you’re always safe.

“Inside,” You finally say, his hips stopping to starve off the inevitable as he waits for you to be sure, as he waits to see the seriousness on your face so he knows you aren’t lying in the heat of the moment. And you have to say it again for him to start up again, remind him that you have a safety net. The sensitivity in your cunt melts as he keeps moving and you can tell another orgasm is starting to build. Ivar reaches from your hand quickly and starts his fingers against your clit, quick circles as you hear him get louder, feel his other arm move to crush you and you catch his face as he finishes. The sight searing in your vision and colliding with how he moves with you and your second release rolls through you. His seed spilling and you both moan, his lips still plastered against your ear and you can feel the shake through his whole body as he floats back down. The tense in his thighs pushing you against the counter. There’s a whimper next from him, as he stills, wrapping tightly to hold you there, like it was all a dream he doesn’t want to wake up from. 

“I love you,” You hear him say against your skin and you’re right there to repeat it back to him. “You don’t have to mean it,” He then tries and you already know what he’s doing.

“I do, Ivar,” You say back, trying to make him look at you through the mirror but his eyes are still closed. He slowly slips from you, his release sticking between your thighs as he slides away and you’re only then able to turn in his arms. Reaching forwards to pull his mouth against his. “I love you. You and me Ivar, against the world,” You say and he hums at that, a small snicker not far after. 

“I like how that sounds, baby,” His smile comes next, dopey and boyish as he finally looks into your eyes and understands that you don’t doubt any part of him. You love it all—the good and the bad and the evil things he may think about himself. You love them all because you know he feels the same way when it comes to you. “The hot water’s going to run out soon,” He mumbles as he holds you. And standing in the shower is not much more different, still wrapped up safely in his arms as you both feel the troubles melt down the drain.

Tags:

@smileysam13579 @dreamtherapy @heisentwerk @angelofthenightposts @ill-skillsgard @youaremyfamiliar @unbetaedimagines @kathryn-jane @readsalot73 @skrsgardspam @lihikainanea @victoria-styles @queen-sarang   @anastasiaskarsgard @andmyannabellee @youbloodymadgenius @apenas-mais-uma-pessoa @walkxthexmoon  @flowers-in-your-hayr @peachyboneless @heavenly1927 @theanxietyqueen17 @trip2themoon @love-all-things-writing @mighty-ragnarssons @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom @quantumlocked310

*please message me to be added or removed from my tag list. specifications for series are welcomed, as well as feedback!*

full masterlist can be found here.

#modern vikings #modern vikings fanfiction #modern Vikings au #vikings #vikings fiction #vikings au #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar ragnarsson fanfiction #modern ivar ragnarsson #ivar ragnarsson x reader #hvitserk #hvitserk fanfiction #modern hvitserk #hvitserk au #hvitserk ragnarsson #ivar au #ivar lothbrok fanfiction #ivar lothbrok #modern ivar lothbrok #— i am i am i am. ( my writings & creations ) #ink drinker

[bredforloyalty]

so yeah all that happened is i got the vaccine yesterday, please don't ask me why just yesterday i'd rather not talk about it but we did have covid so you know, that's that :( ANYWAY i got vaccinated, and i was fine the rest of the day, but at night i couldn't sleep because i was shivering so hard, and i should've known that's not a natural result of the house being cold but i turned the heating up anyway. cause i couldn't stop shivering. so that probably wasn't good, that i made the house hot. i was actively trying to fall asleep from around 2 am and i um woke up at 7, but i wasn't planning on staying up, ofc, it's a saturday. but i needed to pee.

there's a bathroom upstairs and one downstairs and we sleep upstairs, and i thought i shouldn't wake everyone up so even though i was very dizzy and stumbling around, i didn't go to the bathroom right across from my room. kinda stupid. i thought, okay whatever i'm tired, i'm freezing and burning up, that's why it seems hard to walk, but it's no big deal, i'll gather myself long enough to get downstairs. and i did, i reached the bathroom!! but i passed out :/

my mom was already up and saw that i wasn't doing well, instantly, of course, and she freaked out when i fell. totally freaked out, called the ambulance. i wasn't out for long, then i lost consciousness again (for maybe half a minute. we don't know i couldn't tell how much time it was). the emergency medical technicians or whatever they're called said it's most likely just an intense reaction to the vaccine, but since i've literally never passed out before, they recommended i be taken to the emergency ward and get my blood tested and get an ecg. i could've signed a paper and stayed at home since i'm an adult :) but i thought it's worth it to get myself checked. so i went. i got to live out my taken by the ambulance fantasies <3 (/j okay) wheelchair and gurney and everything. i had a fever, i got an infusion to bring that down and make my head hurt less, i only spent 3 hours there. they said everything's fine, they didn't see anything irregular and now i'm home!!

TL;DR: i got vaxxed and passed out a few times the next morning and got taken to the hospital just in case. am fine now 💗

#kata.txt

[aftgandotherbooks]

Father-Son Bonding

Kevin only knew about his mum from what he heard about Tetsuji telling him (which is almost nothing really) and barely remembers her himself. What’s worse is that he knows nothing about Wymack and his past. A few years after Kevin graduated, he decided to visit his dad for the Christmas holidays. Wymack was a man of habit and still lived in that one room apartment near Palmetto university, which meant that Kevin unfortunately had to sleep on the couch for the week. One night of an especially bad nightmare of Riko, Kevin moved to the kitchen to make coffee since he wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep again. Coincidentally it was also around the time Wymack usually wakes up to go out for his morning smoke. After a short and gruff “‘morning” *nod* “‘morning” *nod* exchange, both men headed out to the front porch. It was the long stretches of quiet that Kevin appreciated the most from being around his father. After spending years around people who always had something to gossip or complain about, the comfortable silences he shared with his father were a blessing. After an hour of bliss, Wymack looked over at Kevin and saw deep dark purple bags under his eyes and a surge of concern welled up in his gut. He cleared his throat and nudged his son’s shoulder, asking “couldn’t sleep?” Kevin, transfixed by the quiet morning air jumped at the sound of his father’s voice. “Yeah, um. Nightmare” he muttered, looking down at his hands that were fidgeting with the string of his pyjama pants. Wymack sighed and looked out onto the grass and birds singing their wake-up songs to the rest of the world. He nodded his head and looked back to his son. “That’s one thing that never seems to leave you alone. I had a bad one before you came. I could barely leave my bed for two days.” Wymack huffed. Kevin looked up to his father in shock. He always knew Wymack had a troublesome upbringing, but he never mentioned it. Of course, he knew something must have happened, otherwise the foxes and their reputation of ‘second-chances’ would have never even existed. However, Kevin would have never known his father was still affected by it to this day. As morbid as it sounded, it was comforting knowing that his father was struggling the same as him. Kevin had never asked about his dad’s past. Mostly because Wymack made an active effort to stay out of Kevin’s personal business after he graduated because the other Foxes had a tendency to go too far whenever Riko or the nest were mentioned. Kevin respected the fact that Wymack refused to be like that. But before that morning, Wymack never spoke of his own burdens. He barely spoke about Kevin’s mum, the pain of her absence too painful most of time for Kevin. That’s why Kevin asked “you don’t have to answer me but… what happened? Does it have something to do with mum?” Wymack was quiet for a few minutes. Kevin started to think that his dad would ignore the question altogether. But then with a quiet sigh, Wymack put out his cigarette and turned to face Kevin. “Look kid, I know you’ve been through too much shit in your life, and I wish there was a way that I could have known and stopped it. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I knew you before Riko got his hands on you. The point is, I didn’t want to put more shit on you that you don’t need. But... I guess it’s only fair you know more about me. I am your dad afterall.” Kevin nodded, hearing the solemn tone Kevin was too familiar with. The same tone was used whenever Wymack was faced with another kid with a messed up childhood. Wymack then closed his eyes, breathed slowly and methodically and squeezed his hands into fists for a minute or two. It reminded Kevin of the breathing exercises Betsy taught him when he was plagued with the anxiety attacks that came with his sobriety. With a neutral and emotionless tone, Wymack started speaking. “I was in prison for a year before I met your mother.” Kevin’s face snapped to Wymack’s. He opened his mouth to say something when Wymack held up his finger to shut him up. Wymack continued speaking. “I had just turned 18 and thought it was a good idea to get in a car with my drunk best friend after we left a graduation party one of our other friends held t their house. I only had one drink that night, I didn’t see the point of drinking. My old man was in a shit mood that morning and would have punched and kicked me to hell and back if I came home 10 at night, drunk. I kept going on about how I should drive since I barely had anything to drink, but he was too stubborn and I just wanted to get home early enough. So, my friend ended up driving, and we were blasting music, all that typical stuff teens do when they’re young and too stupid to care. It only took a second of us not paying attention that a kid crossed the road to fetch a ball. What sane kid plays with a ball at ten at night?” Wymack rolled his eyes. “anyway, I saw the kid before my friend did and grabbed the wheel to swerve it to the opposite side the kid was on. It just so happened that the car swerved too far and the road was still slippery from the storm we had a few hours before. And can I just say kid, the moment the car swerved and smashed into the light pole I knew we were screwed.” Kevin’s eyes were starting to water. It wasn’t at all what he was expecting. His father went to prison? “My friend, Alex, he died on impact. He was on the side the pole smashed into. I only got away with a bruised right leg, a broken arm and severe whiplash. The kid was fine. It was actually his mom that called an ambulance for us. When I told the cops what happened, they said that even though I saved the kid, what I did was technically manslaughter. That’s why I was sent to prison. My sentence was way shorter though ‘cause I barely had alcohol in my system, and Alex was way over the limit, so he was at fault for the reckless driving. Plus, the fact that my intentions were to save the kid, not to kill-” Wymack took a shuddering breath. “Not to kill Alex.” Kevin grabbed his dads tight fist and squeezed it. “Dad, you don’t have to keep going”. Kevin said, he could see his father’s defences slowly crumbling. But Wymack, the stubborn and persistent old man he was, shook his head and kept going. “Prison was… prison. Not a fun place, and there were things that I would rather never think or talk about. And when I got out of prison, I had nowhere to go. My old man used my sentence as an excuse to stop speaking to me again. Useless pig he was probably celebrated the day I left. My mom, well she’s been dead since I was 13, breast cancer. I’ve always wondered what she would have done about it all. So, I had nowhere to go, and no one to run to. I was working at a run-down diner because that was the only place that would take in a fresh out of prison convict. It was just a few yards off from where your mom lived. Her and Tetsuji would meet up every Saturday at my diner to grab lunch and work on the specifics of how Exy should be played. I always tried to be the one who would serve her, and then we traded numbers and started talking. We got real close for a few years until she asked me to join her first trial team for Exy. She’s the one who got me a job at Palmetto when I told her I wanted to expand the sport to other universities. She gave me the chance to move forward in my life when no one else would.” Wymack opened his eyes and looked at Kevin again. “She reminds me so much of you kid. Every time I look at you I see her commitment and passion.” Kevin looked down to their hands again, and smiled a watery smile. “Thanks dad. All I ever wanted to do was make her proud of me.” Wymack huffed again and said “I’m sure she is… I know cause I sure am.”

A.N: I have no idea how the criminal system works. Nor do I know how long, or even if Wymack would have been charged. I also haven’t read the books since last year so my knowledge of Wymack’s history is limited to other fanfics, so if I got anything wrong, I’m sorry. This is just my interpretation of how Wymack’s character and his personality were formed :)

#aftg #aftg fic #aftg headcanon #aftg headcannons #aftg headcanons #david wymack #coach wymack #Wymack #kevin day #kevin & wymack #bonding #riko moriyama #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxes #taans headcannons

[chas111291]

She was my best friend, my hero, my mom.

SATURDAY JULY 24th exactly two weeks ago from today. I wake up to a hot southern sunny day like any other day I call my mother like every morning to tell her I'm stopping by before arriving to work later that evening she tells me okay and that she loved me she was going to lay down for a short nap I'm sitting with my wife while lacing my boots my for work getting ready to head out I get a phone call from my aunt (moms sister) she's frantic screams yours moms not breathing my heart took a nose dive straight to the pit of my stomach I scream to call 911 and don’t stop CPR boots still half way laced me and wife hop in our she only lives bout 3 mins up the road from me so I high tail over there the ambulance was pulling her out while continuing cpr they say headed to the hospital follow us and side note the cop that pulled me off to the side to mention “its a good sign they are taking her to the hospital” I mean sure he meant well but fuck false hope right now I got to get to my mom. So me the wife and my aunt arrive at the hospital in record time we mask up rush in and get the info from them we are told to wait outside we comply. No more than two minutes later a lady comes out no in uniform just a hospital staff badge I knew it wasn’t long she was back there for them to have news already I knew the news was going to be bad. I grabbed my aunt's hand and ushered our way thru the doors. I tell her to say it just say it tell me to my surprise the lady started tearing up before I could react the doctors now come out to tell me Hes sorry for my lose and that they did everything they could in the tiny what 5 mins they had her whatever sure thank you anyways he confirms and what seems like a bad dream everything's falling away from me all around I lose all feeling in my legs brace my back against the cold hospital wall and slowly collapse. My wife lets out a noise of heartbreak and my aunt is I think in shock? They tell me to come tell her goodbye or do our last goodbye whatever I couldn’t physically walk into the room the confusion the questions the agony why is this happening I was coming to see u mom what happen? I went into the room I found the strength somewhere God only knows I sit there with her with my back turned I couldn’t bare to look at her my heart was completely broken. People say heartbreak sometimes hurts physically and I never could relate but they day I understood I got it that day it hurt like hell. Meanwhile my aunt gets a phone call. I'm the youngest (29) out of moms two girls my sister (34) calls and the worse time possible on speaker I head the operator say the usual automated voice recording “ you have a collect call from an inmate at the correctionally blah blah blah my siters been in prison for the past few years old fines recovering addict she's turned her life around me and mom were so proud of all she has accomplished and the changes she had made thus far release date was august 16th so close, eh? It angered me to my soul my mom had been looking forward to that day for a while she was so close I just was anger I was anger at god I was anger at the doctors I was anger at the world anyways my aunt tells her what's happening and she falls silent for what seem like forever and replied with you're lying and messing me stop don’t I cried for her I knew it was going to break my sister she had always feared something would happen while she was away putting her past behind her I just never really thought it would happen anyways she talks to my aunt my wife comes to my side tells me to kiss my mom bye and tell her that I loved her I sit there staring into what seem like nothing then I thought back to just a day ago me and mom had a conversation on her front porch swing and every time I was stressed or just needing advice my mom would reassure me I was okay the best advice I could ever receive and she ended that convo that day like always a hug and I saying she always said to me “you got this” with a smile so back to the hospital room I stood up gave my wife a half grin put  my shoulders back and stood tall kissed my mom's forehead and whisper near her “i got this” and left. That was the worse day of my life I lost my dad back in 2015 I took it pretty hard but this felt different my mom taught me everything I know how to brush my hair how to tuck my baby dolls in as a child I felt emptiness and confusion. She was just fine I never would have thought I would've been there that day going thru the suddenness of everything happening. Honestly the death of my mom and how sudden it was without no warning no nothing has been the hardest part for me emotionally and mental. My dad always taught his two girls work hard for what you got and appreciate it especially the small things don’t take shit from no one and make a good life for self. I work a trucking job my wife works for a nonprofit animal clinic for helping animals. We’ve moved back to my hometown state Mississippi from her home state California talk about a culture shock for her moving here btw lol she's amazing shout out to Tumblr btw for giving us that chance of our paths meeting and finding a love in one another. Okay back to the story I've always worked hard it hasn’t been easy it hasn't been good day after good I've seen some real bad days and vice versa I've never used a GoFundMe hell I didn’t even really know what it was until my wife explained it to me. I live pay check to pay check but I got everything I could ever ask for and a lovely home to come home to. I was just completely blown away when the funeral home gave me a final price I cried and I cried some more I didn't know what I was going to do my sister wasn’t exactly in a big way to help until the 16th when she was released. So I'm taking my time out of today to tell the story of the worst day of my life my best friend my mother my hero and the day I lost her forever. If you still have your parents believe let them hug you even longer than they already, do I'm lost and I'm asking for just the smallest donation of whatever anything will help at the point and I'm already up about $800 out of $4000 for the total cost of putting my mother to rest she wanted to cremated so on the day my sisters get out Aug. 16th is the day I have arranged for her funeral and all services that I got the quote for because I'll be damned, I was letting her miss that. Thank you. I will link my GoFundMe and even if I don’t get anything thank you for taking the time to read and allowing me to open up and talk about it. God knows it's going to be a long hard journey, but hey I GOT THIS.

.https://gofund.me/3f0a19e5 <--- link for donations. thank you.

#gofundme #mother #fundraising #funeral #memorial #mom #daughter #sister #please consider donating #thankful #count your blessings #mamasgirl #you are my best friend #good deeds #rip #rip mom #I love you #forever #tumblr is my diary #story time #story #worst day of my life #lonely #peacewithin #prayers #thanks anon! #thank you #look to the future #i appreciate it #gods plan

[t4tdykes]

okay, so. hm. parent death, covid. kind of an uncanny story ngl. i’ve told it, like... 15 times in the past couple of days and it’s still pretty ins*ne to me.

to say it coherently, what happened was:

sister could tell dad was sick on tuesday the 28th

he spent the next four days leaving the house for hours at a time, even after he got his covid dx. same for his wife.

i only learned about this on friday the 1st

that night my sister came down the stairs and he turned around with this Look and said, “i don’t feel good.”

admitted to the hospital on saturday the 2nd

on tuesday the 5th, they’re discussing putting him on a vent

curtain rises on wednesday the 6th.

9:30 AM: i go to secure a job at the hospital i’d been talking with about an emergency support staff position. i discuss my routine physical in a room 30ft from the ICU.

10:40 AM: i get sent to the lab to get some bloodwork done. while i’m waiting, they call a code blue for the ICU. i go “yeesh.”

11:20 AM: i go to the HR building to discuss benefits. 

11:48 AM: i’m signing my W2 when i get the text that my dad passed.

laugh inappropriately with the HR lady. she gets it; her late husband’s brother was a very similar man, right down to being a right-wing covid denier, so. y’know. no one’s crying. but i kind of know i’m just in shock.

take my ID photo for my badge. smile big. that smile is preserved forever.

i have to live with that.

called my youngest uncle to talk on the way home, check how he is. he’s just as baffled as i am, namely because of how my dad straight up refused to take care of himself. found out he had COPD, on top of the diabetes i only recently learned about and the numerous heart attacks he’s had.

so, y’know. he was corona’s fucking playground and didn’t even try.

but when i get home, i find out from my mom.

that he was in the hospital i was in. literally right there.

in the ICU, 30ft from where i went for my physical. they’d just been about to put him on the vent, and then 13 minutes later they stopped CPR because they were breaking his ribs.

and the thing is.

i haven’t seen him in 5 years, almost to the month. i cut him off after halloween the year of my 21st birthday in december. he left a card in the doorframe and i ripped it up without reading it. that’s the last contact he tried to make.

i haven’t even been in the same city as him in all that time, much less the same building, but for the singular moment that he came into the house all those years ago to grab something at my mom’s behest and beps fronted to barricade us in the bedroom and silently hyperventilate under the covers until his footsteps disappeared. mom promised never to let him near me like that again, and that was that.

no one else was allowed to go see him, so he was all alone and terrified.

and so the first time i’m in the same city, the same building, the same floor of that building. the first time i’m that close to him, he literally. just goes into cardiac arrest and croaks.

hard not to get delusional about that, ngl. i literally did not even know he was in that exact hospital until after. i had it in my head that he’d gone to the hospital he always sent his parents to but i forgot that he called an ambulance on saturday morning and would have obviously gone to that one because it’s local to his house.

i took that job at total random and had been dreading driving PAST my hometown to get there, but i’m desperate enough for money that i’ll do it. it’s a fucking 40 minute drive and i can’t stand it but they’re desperate enough for screeners that they called me back 8 hours after i submitted my application and i was in SO fast. obviously i took it.

it just didn’t CLICK.

what are the fucking odds!!!!

and so Now.

his marriage to his new hell wife is recent enough that she may only get the first 50k out of whatever the house sells for.

i’m not going to say what it’s worth but that. is barely anything. and even i would feel guilty not giving her some of my share if that’s all it’ll be.

i thought he wrote me out of his will but it turns out he didn’t even fucking write one at all. things COULD go to me and my sister.

it’ll be a long ass time before we get anything, is the issue, and like. i’m still poor i've been in a cardboard box of an apartment for years he may have been well off with his stupid fucking jailguard job by this point in life but it sure never felt like it when i lived with him and once we split from him 10 years ago it got even worse. it looks like it’s gonna be at least a year of fighting with the wife over money and i am not looking forward to it.

but then there’s his retirement, too. which is. also an egregious amount of money i never thought i’d see in my entire life which Obviously i would not get All of by a long shot but still. wow. that’s if they say he died in the line of duty and his retirement didn’t process before he croaked, which. is feasible given that he was Forced to retire Recently because of, wow! sexual harassment allegations. what a charmer. <3

my mom’s dumb psychics say shit like... the money will be definitely for me and boo, they’ll probably have to evict hell wife because she just refuses to go, boo won’t move out of the house (till they sell it n whatnot), and also dad doesn’t know he’s dead so i should expect a creepy dream soon where i have to encourage him to go into the light.

super! looking forward to it.

get real lmao.

though the mental image of him throwing his arms around and hollering at g-d because he’s angry he died was a funny one to be told. like. yeah, dude. get mad! it’s not like you could have done something to mitigate or prevent or lower your chances of this or anything.

(he wasn’t vaccinated and like, up to a week before he got ill he was still telling people covid wasn’t real. his other brother who i did NOT call was actually trying to tell my mom that the way he was sick on the phone with her might not have had anything to do with covid, y’know, since it’s all a conspiracy to control the population he could have just had something else.)

(okay, jimmy. have fun with that.)

(g-d i fucking hate jimmy. not even going to get into the shit he said about me. lol this whole family thinks i somehow could have done better and i’m like mmmmm yeah see, no, because it’s not my job to just Not Get Abused and then still be fine with my abuser when i fail to stop him. fuck all of you.)

so i have to run to village hall at 8am tomorrow to get a copy of his death certificate so i can apply for administration over that massively expensive stupid fucking house i died in before his stupid ugly wife gets there first because no FUCKING WAY can we let her take the whole damn thing no WAY. judges won’t like it either given that she quit her job the second she moved in and was just in it for the money which usually i’d applaud but she herself is a vile abusive bitch who tries to starve old women and her own grandchildren and also gave away my sister’s dog on national dog day once THAT was a thing that happened and ohhhh my mom almost beat her ass in the driveway kfdjhksdjfhd.

my family is normal and good

so yeah! that’s. all that! i was prepared from the outset to have complicated and contradictory feelings about this whenever it happened, so i’m not going to begrudge myself for any long-lost tender feelings i had towards him not because he was my father but because i know logically that the trauma bond he forged with me was powerful and it’s only natural that i’ll get messed up by the fact that he’s not in the world anymore whether i respect him or not. i think a person like him SHOULD be dead. i don’t think covid is a thing to wish on people but i’m not sad that he can’t hurt anyone anymore, except that he’s hurting people by leaving them to clean up his messes even now and my mother is angry. my sister is guilty. i’m empty. it’s kind of a musical chairs sort of deal. i spent all those years furious and fighting and never shutting up about who he was and refusing to let anyone dismiss it ever again, i made myself a horror i made everyone Hate me and i don’t even CARE about that because if you think it’s okay for him to have Done What He Did, and NOT EVEN to just ME, then i don’t fucking want you to love me, anyway.

i have no family but my mom and sister, and like... 50% of the time my one uncle i called on the phone. mom and boo are the ones who will yell at homophobes and transphobes and ableists even when i’m not there and boo will defend me tooth and nail behind my back and i couldn’t ask for a better sister. fuck our history, fuck the times we thought we’d hate each other forever, fuck the grudge about how we used to go at each other, that’s the ONLY family i have and i’m grateful for her. i’m fucking pissed that she’d been living with him this whole time and been neglected and dismissed and trampled on the WHOLE time and

g-d she got him a shirt and hat for father’s day and he never even took it out of the bag he lost it downstairs and didn’t even try to find it or wear it he just put it somewhere and forgot. literally fuck you. that’s just the most recent thing but it was constant and so much worse than that all our lives and i cannot stand that SHE feels guilty like she should have pushed him to go to the doctor or been a better daughter and i’m like Hon. he didn’t want to go so he wouldn’t have gone even if you did push. it’s not your job as the child to parent your own parent i am sick of us having to parent our parents. sick of it. sick to death.

so yeah. there’s that, i guess. fingers crossed i get to village hall fast enough tomorrow. pray for me lmao.

#a.txt #covid tw #parent death tw #abuse tw #just chronological order of events and venting at the end i'm really just. 🤪

[c00gh0st]

Story time ^^

TW OVERDOSE, ANOREXIA, HARD DRUGS

So on i overdosed on xanax and some hard anxiety meds. I had therapy with my mom and on the way there i almost got hit by a scooter ;-; my phone is completely broke since i jumped off and i slipped on a fance by the side walk. I got there late as hell, my therapist saw my wrist and called an ambulance. I spend rest of the night at the hospital and got home in the morning next day. I slept all day on sleeping and calming meds and woke up next day.

So the next day ( Saturday ) i meet up with my boyfriend and the first thing he told me was that i look like a skeleton ( the only thing i eat was a cookie at the hospital, and i only had that cause doctor forced me to ;-;) so the day went by, my friend gave me half of a beer <33 (love them). My boyfriend smoked weed but he didn't gave it to me since i was fresh out of a hospital (sad face).

So basically he knows that im an addict and i have anorexia and he tries his best to support me. Lately he's telling me that he's worried as hell about me, since i lost more weight. He's telling me that i don't look like myself anymore and each day i look more and more like a ghost. I know i should be worried but i can't. I find comfort in starving and drugs ://

Love y'all, stay safe ^^

#tonciu #ćpanie #kryształ #dilated pupils #analog #ana boy #anorecya #tw ed related #hospital #oddcore #xanxus #methamphetamine #meth addict #notprojustforme #ventcore #anoressic