#my subscribers there suddenly became active

[annoyingann]

I see you missed me.

I haven't drawn this impish bastard for a long time >:3

#boyfriend to death #btd rire #lucien rire #btd #darqx #battle priest #rire #When I posted this sketch on the telegram channel #my subscribers there suddenly became active #VERY ACTIVE #it's funny and I'm glad #btw I will be glad if you also “promote” me #because I worked really hard on this shading #and my lamp also broke #Because of this #the art is overexposed #although I tried to fix it in the editor :') #I love and hate being a trad artist :''D

[sflow-er]

After reading The Magic Trick You Didn't See, the essay by @ariaste, I've got some thoughts on Maggie and Nina (well, mostly Maggie) that I kind of want to write down to make sense of them. I'm putting them under the cut to spare anyone who isn't interested in GO2 or hasn't seen it yet and doesn't want to be spoiled.

[Before I start rambling, I want to stress that I haven't really been active enough in the GO tag to know if a similar theory has already been presented. Also, I realise I could be way off the mark here, this is pure speculation!]

So to recap the basic premise of the essay mentioned above, much of what we see in GO2 could have been altered by the Metatron using the Book of Life, aka. the Chekov's gun that never went off. I'm not sure if I subscribe to every aspect of that theory (for example, I do think that wee Morag really died, and that it's possible Aziraphale only started drinking alcohol in the 1900s, although I'll admit some of the bits where he turns it down are harder to explain than others).

What I do fully agree on is that Maggie often feels more like a character than a real person in this fictional world. Something about her just feels off. The essay cites many great examples, such as her abrupt mood swings and her uncanny valley reactions (especially her line at the ball, about how suddenly knowing the steps is "just what we do", and her zoning out right before the demons attack and then suddenly starting to antagonise them).

Anyway, this got me thinking. If Maggie was a character written by the Metatron, why and when would he have started writing her in the first place?

Well, what if there was cleanup to be done after Adam fixed things at the end of GO1? All the events of that week were altered, but what about everything that happened before? Because that's the thing that jumps out to me about his line to the Devil: "You're not my father, and you never were." Meaning he also altered the past.

Which begs the question, if Adam was never the Antichrist, what became of The Chattering Order of St Beryl? Did it ever exist at all? Did Hastur still destroy the convent and kill most of the nuns? After all, the book says their sole purpose in existing was to deliver the Antichrist - who never was, as of the end of GO1.

Keep in mind that the burning of the convent happened eleven years before the events of GO1. I assume there would be a lot more paperwork involved in bringing to life people who already moved on from the earthly plain over a decade ago. They wouldn't even have a life to come back to, which is where the Book of Life could come in.

Now, I know Neil has said that Maggie and Nina are not the same people as Sister Theresa and (Sister) Mary in GO1...but that would still hold true even if they were just altered versions of themselves.

I'm not sure about Mary/Nina. It's possible that Adam himself changed her, as she was still alive at the time of the shift. Maybe her parents didn't raise her as Satanist after all (as they did in the book), or they didn't give her a biblical name like Mary, or she changed it. Or perhaps Nina was always her real name, but she became Mary when she took her vows and kept it when she became Mary Hodges. Perhaps this is what her life would have looked like if she never joined the Order.

It's also just as possible that she really is a different person who simply looks the same, much like Beelzebub is the same person who simply looks different. Either way, she remains a real human person.

As for Theresa/Maggie... Well, we don't know how she was raised, or if Theresa was her real name, or anything else really. I don't think that matters as much either, because the main point is that she already died 11 years ago.

It's mentioned time and again that people can't just be resurrected willy-nilly, and it's left quite unclear how Adam's powers worked, exactly. Perhaps God told the Metatron to smooth over the ripples (after all, the whole thing was part of Her plan all along, and She usually leaves it to the angels to implement Her plans). The Metatron then decided it was easier to make up new characters based on the people who died years ago than to truly bring them back to life, much like the angels in the Job minisode figured that giving him seven new children was even better than resurrecting the old three.

And since the Metatron was creating Maggie anyway and had the power to write her a completely different life, why not take the chance to also place her close to Aziraphale? The Metatron plays a much more intricate game than most of the angels, and he's extremely committed to seeing the plans through. Surely it would occur to him to keep tabs on the dangerous rebel who consorted with a demon and played a big part in stopping the first part of Armageddon, in case the two of them tried to meddle in the second part as well.

So, by a few strokes of the Metatron's heavenly pen (or keyboard), Aziraphale is suddenly Maggie's landlord in GO2. Of course, it's normal for shows to introduce new characters by making existing ones act like they were there all along...but if we accept the premise that Maggie isn't actually real, Aziraphale never even mentioning his tenant when the bookshop burned down and the world was about to end in GO1 definitely works in our favour.

Anyway. I'm not sure how serious I even am about this theory - it only just came to me this morning, and I wanted to write it down to get it out of my head. So if you disagree or think it's too farfetched, that's totally fair!

#good omens #good omens theory #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #maggie good omens #metatron good omens #nina good omens #not yr

[lindwurmkai]

i have mostly been talking about my experiences with other social media platforms elsewhere, but since i just realised for how long i've been doing this by now (i think i got serious about it in november), might as well post an update.

mastodon: decent replacement for my private twitter. great for rambling into the void and keeping up with friends, provided those friends are on there. my public twitter was more for entertainment than communication, and mastodon truly falls flat in that regard. as a result, tumblr has actually become my main replacement for that aspect of twitter.

pros: great filtering system, content warnings and alt text are part of the culture, you can subscribe to hashtags, not much value placed on popularity, decent mobile layout and 3rd party apps

cons: rules differ from server to server, your server's admins can suddenly decide to block the server your friend is on, the default desktop layout kinda sucks, finding any posts about your interests may be impossible, and reply guys are everywhere

cohost: technically has the best set of features to truly recreate the twitter experience, but text can be formatted like on tumblr and there's no character limit. absolute design nightmare and none of my friends are active on there, so i've basically given up on it.

pros: if you want a tumblr-twitter hybrid and don't mind the cons, this sure is the website for you. has "pages" that are like if sideblogs and multiple account management had a baby. it's a single account but each "page" functions like a separate one? hats off tbh

cons: aside from the horrible design, i've heard their terms of service and such were legally concerning. can't verify this.

hive: bad idea. wish i hadn't signed up for it

pillowfort: i've been on there for a long time, but only became active again last year and found it had improved slightly in my absence. progress is very slow because they're entirely user-funded. you know i love it, though: the as-yet missing features are totally worth the wait because they've got something no one else has: communities, like on livejournal or dreamwidth. this will absolutely become my main hangout one day, mostly replacing my private twitter (now mastodon) and the more personal aspects of tumblr.

pros: communities, per-post privacy settings, livejournal-style comments, very chill site culture, looks a bit like ye olde tumblr but less busy, planned features include dashboard filters and multiple account management

cons: doesn't have drafts and a queue yet (but they're coming soon!), activity is still low, memes and shitposts can be found but there's a trend towards more long-form essay content (which is not in itself a bad thing, i'd just like to see both)

in conclusion, i haven't found a 1:1 replacement for anything. ultimately, i'm betting on PF becoming a mix of what my private twitter used to be (a safe space) and how i remember the early days of tumblr (a place to connect with people and have good-faith discussions). present-day tumblr will replace my public twitter as a major source of mindless entertainment, and i'll occasionally check in on mastodon to keep up with one or two friends.

where the majority of fandom will migrate to is anyone's guess. if it were pillowfort, i'd be more inclined to actively participate than just lurk because the site structure seems to genuinely encourage level-headed discussion.

#social media migration #ok i was going to tag all the sites but i've changed my mind #either people will see it or they won't #;

[ilhoonftw]

what would you do if your 3 best friends suddenly decided you're "too much" and suddenly refused to associate with you. and it was during school prayer trip. caused you to have a mental breakdown but laughed at you. and told the teachers you're simply acting crazy so you were excluded from bunch of fun activities everyone else took part in. then after we came back they told our mutual friends i "hurt them" and "refused to apologize even though it's all my doing". ofc my grades plummeted and it took me weeks to recover. later on one of them would send me long ass texts saying whatever happened i should be nice about it because it's not very cathólic of me to hold grudges. and year later during class christmas celebration two of them made a big fuss of approaching me to make amends. when i refused and said 'really?' they didn't budge and stood there acting nice, don't worry they didn't say sorry or anything like that. the texts person copied my idea of having a blogspot about my niche hobby but hers grew so big she started a youtube, has millions of subscribers, has nice image, wrote books. other one is an actress, the third one became a graphic designer in the usa. but all i got was trauma and failed life because i can't trust anyone anymore. years later everyone acts like i made this thing up and 'it wasn't that bad, i don't understand why you refuse to come to class reunions' oh btw they stopped inviting me

#prayer trips aka we went to some mountain town during lent #i went to a v cathólic school #tw bullying #tw trauma

[kuwkuwtk]

The Real Housewives of Dubai S1

The Real Housewives of Dubai is exactly like the other American iterations of Real Housewives, except it is richer, has an international cast, and is not shot in the United States. The women fight about small things, like a language faux pas or unsolicited advice. Many of the scenes take place at parties or lunches. The women dress in extreme ways for mundane activities. On beach vacations, they drink too much and cry.

Yet beyond the minutiae, The Real Housewives of Dubai is an American re-introduction to Dubai, the United Arab Emirates, and even the Middle East. Or, as Dubai Housewife Caroline Brooks says, echoing Condoleezza Rice eighteen years earlier, the “new Middle East.”

With Bravo’s most international cast ever—Caroline Brooks is American, Lesa Milan is Jamaican, Chanel Ayan is Somalian, Sara al Madani is Emirati, Nina Ali is Lebanese, and Caroline Stanbury is English—the show makes an argument that everyone is the same, as long as they subscribe to similar economic logics.

Since 2006, Andy Cohen’s Real Housewives franchise has dove deep into the contemporary conception of the ideal American woman. The franchise follows groups of women, divided by the major metropolitan cities in which they live, through their daily lives, narrativizing their reality by way of interpersonal conflict. Of course, like all successful television shows, the Real Housewives franchise is quick to squash any fantastical idealization of its characters. Even though the women are beautiful, extremely wealthy, in good health, and popular, they also have nasty divorces, cheat, steal, scream in public, have nip slips, and occasionally wind up in jail. As such, the 1% is eased into relatable figures. They may fly private, but they still unfollow each other on Instagram mid-conflict. They may become wildly successful in Hollywood, but they still have daddy issues.

The Real Housewives of Dubai, the first international leg of the franchise, is no different. Though the majority of the Dubai Housewives are not American, the show mirrors the desires, longing, and narrativity of the franchise’s American iterations. This is not a kumbaya moment, but instead a choice on behalf of Bravo and Andy Cohen to situate these women as, as they say in US Weekly, “just like us!”

One of the show’s central anxieties is its constant comparison to the United States. “Dubai is the new American dream” says Caroline Brooks, continuing, “forget the new Middle East, this is the new world.” Dubai is “just like America, but in a different tax bracket,” she jokes. Dubai, in the mind of Brooks, is just like the United States, except richer. Dubai is only understood in terms of its globalization.

In a recent interview in Vulture, Chanel Ayan states: “Just because I am in this western world now doesn’t mean I want to dump my culture.” By “western world” she is referring to Dubai. She continues, noting that when she signed up for the show, she thought that it was “just gonna be an American show.”

Sara al Madani’s—the only Emirati cast member—opening words may provide some elucidation. Over the image of an empty desert, she says in Arabic, “I’m blessed that I grew up in Dubai and saw Dubai before it became ‘Dubai,’ and after it became ‘Dubai.’” Dubai is divided into two, defined by what has been, and what it has become. The Real Housewives of Dubai is focused on “Dubai,” not Dubai, and “Dubai” is a city defined by Ayan’s “western world.” The difference between the two is rooted in the culture of expats and extreme wealth introduced to the country beginning with the discovery of oil in 1966.

As with all things created, “Dubai” comes with its own origin myth, illustrated after Sara’s initiatory Arabic. We see sand, which then, Merlin-esque, suddenly becomes the Burj Khalifa, which is suddenly embellished with gold. Here is the western myth of nothing to everything, where nothing is equated with pre-westernized culture, and everything is equated with post-westernization. Dubai in 1966 is a mere desert, but “Dubai” in 2022 is an international city, spurred by its connection to global markets.

Sara, a tech entrepreneur, is also keen to the tension between how Americans see the Middle East, the reality of the Middle East, and how to profit off of this misunderstanding. “The reason I get a lot of [magazine] covers in the Western world is because… they want to know, ‘Why is she different? Why doesn’t she look like all the women we think she should look like in the Arab world?’” she says.

She continues, remarking on her choice to dress “conservative,” “I don’t dress the way I dress to satisfy people’s expectations of me as an Arab woman. The way I dress is by choice… I’m not forced into it… As a woman, I love it. My Islamic values are not here.” Sara situates herself as marketably Arab to the western world, by way of explaining that she is not Arab according to the western mythology of an Arab woman. She may be Arab, but she is also free—a combination seemingly unfathomable to decades worth of American wars ostensibly fought on behalf of “freeing Arab women.”

Sara’s understanding of herself as an Arab woman may be extrapolated to the show’s understanding of its relationship to the Arab world. The Real Housewives of Dubai is both Arab and about free women, asking the question, “Why are they different? Why don’t they look like all the women we think they should look like in the Arab world?” The Real Housewives of Dubai is an introduction to Dubai through a western lens, and for a western audience. The location may be foreign, but the production team is American, Bravo is American, and English is the lingua franca.

In this way, The Real Housewives of Dubai announces the myth of Dubai, destroys the myth of Dubai, then instigates a new one. This is blatant in the first post-introductory scene. The camera soft-focuses on an empty sand dune. There is nothing, not even sound. Suddenly, vaguely Middle Eastern music begins to swell, and we see a hazy Black woman emerging alone from the dunes, decked out in gold and accompanied by a camel. The camera angle switches, and we are now looking through the lens of a drone. We realize this anonymous woman is Chanel Ayan, the gold she is wearing is designer, and she is in the desert because she is shooting a fashion campaign.

This advertisement milks tropes associated with the Middle East: camels, non-white women, solitude, sand, and gold. By showing this trope-laden image without context, then immediately sharing that the context is a fashion advertisement, the show sets its scene as breaking the mold of the Middle East, specifically, the UAE.

At the same time, post-advertisement, the Dubai that we, as viewers, are privy to is also filmed on camera, and also full of beautiful women who pride themselves in their allegiance to extreme wealth. It is not that the orientalist myth of Dubai rings true, but that The Real Housewives of Dubai is instigating a new myth, based on the old one. Even though Andy Cohen is quick to point out that the city of Dubai had no part in funding the show, The Real Housewives of Dubai is most definitely an advertisement for “Dubai,” as well as an American invitation to the UAE to share in the normalization myth of idealized femininity, harbored by American reality television.

But how did this invitation come to be? Unlike other highly popularized, and even lauded, media concerning the Middle East—I’m thinking of Zero Dark Thirty, The Hurt Locker, American Sniper, and even Sex and the City 2—there are no white American heroes, no terrorists, and none of the drama focuses on the supposed horrors of Islam in The Real Housewives of Dubai. 

The Middle East itself is a relatively new geographical indicator—popularized in the early 1900s by American naval officer Alfred Thayer Mahan to describe the area in between the Arabian Peninsula and India—and its name is constantly in flux. In 2004, George Bush’s Greater Middle East Initiative renamed the Middle East to the “Greater Middle East.” Two years after that, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a speech in Dubai, calling for a “new Middle East.” In 2020, fourteen years later, Donald Trump brokered the Abraham Accords, which didn’t redefine regional nomenclature, but re-codified the relationship between the UAE, Israel, and the United States. One year after that, The Real Housewives of Dubai began filming.

As such, The Real Housewives of Dubai is an advertisement for Dubai at a moment when the political relationship between the UAE, the United States, and Israel is “normalizing.” It’s interesting to think of The Real Housewives of Dubai as an experiment in cultural normalization. The television acts as the normalizing force, telling American viewers that these women are just like American women. Individuals in the UAE are not oil-hungry warlords, but are an international troupe of women who are just as free as American women. As political production “normalizes,” so does cultural production.

In Hazem Fahmy’s recent essay in Jewish Currents, “How Hollywood Wrote the Story of Israel,” he reviews Tony Shaw and Giora Goodman’s Hollywood and Israel: A History, concluding that “Israelis don’t control the American media, but… the interests of the American state” do. Fahmy notes that “Hollywood has played a crucial role in weaving the two countries’ [the USA and Israel] stories of their own origins, and thus their ongoing relationship as allied colonial states.” The Real Housewives of Dubai allows the UAE to participate in that myth, conveniently aired two years after the UAE allowed Israel to participate in its markets. The Real Housewives of Dubai is the first foray into welcoming the UAE into this shared myth, via the entertainment industry, as a cultural addendum to the Abraham Accords.

“Dubai” has simultaneously aligned itself with western markets and the American tradition of reality television. Of course, this is all a way to further normalize relationships between the UAE, the USA, and Israel, in order to consolidate military power and control oil production. If rich women can get drunk and wear short skirts in public and on television, the country must be acceptably modern. It must have been saved by the American culture machine, otherwise known as the American war machine.

[twilight-blaze]

A ⭐ for the ask game! :DDD

alright, let's talk about the first chapter of Not Your Sacrifice

partly because it's one of my favorites, partly because I'm pretty sure it's one of your favorites when it comes to my fics, and partly because this might've been the best reception I got for any fic for the fandom (it has close to a 4:1 hits to kudos ratio, a 3:1 kudos to comments ratio, and it's been my most subscribed fic of all time since the day after I posted it)

this got long, so under a cut it goes

in the first chapter, You'll Never Take My Heart, there were six specific moments that I was hoping would hit as hard emotionally as I wanted them to, and they are:

"It was supposed to be the other way around," and how Xion is telling themself they should've died instead of Roxas. this was one of the first lines I wrote for the fic and I'm still proud of it

the fact that Xion was telegraphing their attacks and actively trying to make sure they died instead of Roxas. I fully believe this is the case in canon, too (Xion even says "it was my choice… to go away now" after Roxas wins) and to me it's depressing as fuck in both universes

"A fitting name for a keyblade wielded by someone who wasn't supposed to exist," because Xion's self-image is not in a good place right now, and another early written line that I'm incredibly proud of

the parallels between Xemnas controlling Xion and making them fight Roxas and Ansem SOD possessing Riku and making him fight Sora, and how that was the single most significant reason in this not ending in a fight like it did with Roxas in canon, because it suddenly became a lot harder for Riku to justify erasing Xion when he knows firsthand exactly what they're feeling and how they're hurting

absolutely everything about Xion summoning Oathkeeper, including the resulting dissociative episode

"It seemed some things never changed," and how Xion knows how fucked up that is and yet they don't have a choice if they want to live. this was one of the last lines I wrote for the fic, not long before I posted it, but it hurt me too much when I thought of it to leave it out

there's more emotional moments in that chapter, sure, but those were the big ones. I'm thrilled that every single one of them has been mentioned in comments or messages (or both!) as having the intended impact. (I'd apologize for the emotional pain, but we know full well I'm not)

there was one other thing I was hoping (but not expecting) someone would pick up on, and unless they noticed quietly, no one has caught it so far. but there is an incredibly subtle parallel to Riku and Xion's conversation on the Destiny Islands in 358/2 Days. namely, that the sequence where Xion comes back to reality after their dissociation is choreographed to match the part of the Destiny Islands scene when Xion first comes to. it's subtle, not a perfect recreation, and doesn't last long, but it is there (and there but not exact) on purpose

now I must sleep because it is 3:30 and keeping my eyes open to answer this was a challenge, but thank you for the ask, and for enabling me when it comes to talking about my fics!

#q&a #belladonnathyme #ask games #ash writes

[kyuuppi]

“You lie to your best friend/crush that you have an OnlyFans just to see their reaction”

Ft. Sugawara; Nishinoya; Tsukishima; Oikawa; Kenma

Pt. 2

A/N: My bias is so obvious here LOL

KARASUNO

↳ Sugawara

➣  You are over at his house, the two of you idly watching a sitcom while browsing your phones and chatting in between; it’s comfortable, as times with Sugawara usually are.

➣  Every time Suga leans in to show you a funny meme on his phone or throws his head back in laughter at a joke from the show, you find your heart skipping a beat.

➣  He is beautiful, basically an angel in your eyes, but he is also your best friend and you don’t think he has any interest in you like that. Not in the way you do. 

➣  That’s how you get the idea to test his feelings. 

➣  Being the troublemaker you are (how else would you and Suga get along so well?) you decide to shake things up by casually mentioning you’re interested in starting an OnlyFans and asking if he thinks its a good idea. 

➣  You expect either of two reactions: either he’ll be as supportive as usual, possibly advising you to be cautious with strangers online like the mother hen he is, proving he only sees you as a friend—or he’ll tell you not to, possible evidence that likes you.

➣  The response you receive is not quite what you were expecting...

➣  Once the words leave your lips his head immediately whips around in your direction, light brown eyes looking at you with a serious expression on his face, something you’d never really seen before. It makes you uncomfortable and you begin to regret all of your life decisions.

➣  Suddenly though, he is leaning into you, his arms coming up to trap you against the couch as you try to back away. Your eyes are as wide as saucers and face completely flushed as he continues to stare you down before speaking.

➣  “Even though I’m your best friend, I’m still a man, you know. You’re being awfully cruel right now.”

➣ You audibly gulp, suddenly feeling light-headed but he keeps speaking, close enough that you can feel his hot breath fan across your cheeks.

➣ “Asking me to watch the person I like show off in front of thousands of other men? Even I have my limits.”

➣ And that marks the day of you and Sugawara’s first kiss. ♡

↳ Nishinoya

➣  Your best friend, Nishinoya Yuu, is notoriously unabashed with his affections. 

➣ The two of you have an interesting relationship—Noya has no qualms with expressing how pretty he thinks you are, borderline flirting with you at times, and you frequently return the favor. 

➣  But you don’t take any of it seriously, of course, regardless of how much you secretly wish it were real. Everyone at Karasuno knows about Noya’s undying dedication to the volleyball club manager, Shimizu Kiyoko, and he confesses his love to her at least twice a day. 

➣ Unbeknownst to you those professions became less and less frequent after he met you and now most of Karasuno thinks the two of you are basically dating

➣ The two of you are at the mall, a frequent hang out place where Noya can look at volleyball gear and you can browse manga at the bookstore, when you get the idea to prank your friend.

➣ “Hey, Noya? I’ve been thinking about finding a way to make more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so I decided to make an OnlyFans—I already have a few subscribers.”

➣ Nishinoya nearly trips and falls flat on his face. You would have laughed if it weren’t for how he immediately grabs at your shoulders, staring at you with a mix of anger and fear. 

➣ “Absolutely not! No one should be allowed to see your beautiful body like that but me!”

➣ You immediately fluster at his loud declaration, acutely aware of how other customers in the mall are giving the two of your strange looks as they walk by. 

➣ “B-but Noya, we aren’t even dating—”

➣ “Then let’s start dating!” 

➣ And what are you gonna do? Say no?

↳ Tsukishima

➣ Being friends with Tsukishima could be frustrating at times—a sentiment you and Yamaguchi frequently discuss when the blond isn’t around. 

➣ Tsukishima likes to think most things are beneath him and he’s too cool to find enjoyment in activities most other friends enjoy, ranging from mini golf to video games. The man seems content to waste his life away studying and listening to music if it weren’t for you and Yamaguchi forcing him out of his room. 

➣ Naturally, something like a prank war would be something Tsukishima would want no part of—not that that has ever stopped you. 

➣ Usually, your pranks are failures. Either Tsukishima easily figures out what you’re doing before it can happen or he doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a reaction, chastising you for wasting your time pulling pranks when you have a failing grade in mathematics you’ll later beg him to help you study for.

➣ He still helps you though, he’s whipped

➣ Your newest prank however, you feel exceptionally confident in. Not only is it simple to pull off, only relying on your acting kills, but it also might answer your curiosity on whether you have a chance in getting your dearest Tsukki to see you as more than just a friend.

➣ The day you decide to do it the three of you are hanging out in Tsukishima’s bedroom as usual, you working on the math homework Tsukishima forced you to study while he reads a book and Yamaguchi sits in the corner reading a book.

➣ You had already discussed your plans with Yama beforehand, to which his expression looked suspiciously devious, like he knew something you didn’t know, as he proclaimed his support. 

➣ You hear Tsukishima turning a page and decide to speak up. 

➣ “Hey, Tsukki, have you heard of OnlyFans?”

➣ You hold back a snicker as you see Tsukishima visibly tense, his eyes widening behind his glasses for a moment before he relaxes. From the corner of your eyes you can see Yamaguchi smirking behind his comic, watching the blond closely. 

➣ “...yeah, I’ve heard of it,” Tsukishima simply replies. 

➣ “I’ve been thinking about making more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so my friend suggested it. She said I could make over ten thousand yen a month.”

➣ “I think only the really attractive ones make that much.”

➣ You gasp, thoroughly offended, and Yamaguchi looks mildly annoyed by his friend’s response, already opening his mouth to chastise him for being so mean—but before he can say anything, Tsukishima is speaking again, still looking down at the book in his lap. 

➣ “Don’t do it though.” 

➣ “Why not?” You pout, refusing to look up at him when you speak. 

➣ “...I don’t want the person I like to do those types of things.” 

➣ You nearly choke on your own saliva, head darting up to stare at him in disbelief. Yamaguchi, for some reason, only smiles softly, looking unsurprised by the admission. 

➣ “W-what? You...like me?”

➣ “Oi, shouldn’t you be studying? One more F and you’re gonna flunk out of the class, dummy.”

➣ You’re slightly disappointed by the change of subject but when you notice the soft pink on Tsukishima’s cheeks you can’t help but to smile the whole time you finish your homework.

AOBA JOUSAI

↳ Oikawa

➣ Oikawa is a busy guy.

➣ You were well aware of that before the two of you happened to be paired up for an assignment and got to know each other, eventually becoming close friends. 

➣ Between volleyball practices, tournaments, magazine interviews, and appeasing a passionate fan club, Oikawa rarely has time for himself, let alone another person. 

➣ Despite all of that, you could tell he always made sure to spend time with you, dedicating a few weekends a month to hanging out, just the two of you, and constantly texting you in the times the two of you couldn’t physically be together. 

➣ From an outsider’s perspective, it was almost like the two of you were dating. 

➣ But alas, you know the sad reality is that Oikawa is most certainly not your boyfriend and you have no idea if he has any interest in your like that…

➣ ...Which is why you decide to try to make him jealous one day to push him towards confessing his feelings, if they exist. 

➣ The two of you are at a café, sipping lattes and gossiping about other students when you bring it up. 

➣ “Y’know...I’ve been thinking of making an OnlyFans.”

➣ To your surprise, Oikawa’s eyes seem to light up, his lips curving into a smile of excitement. 

➣ “Wow, really? Maybe I should make one too!”

➣ Oikawa immediately pulls out his cell phone and the color drains from your face as you realize your plan has completely backfired. 

➣ “My fans are going to love this—hey do you think we can do a collab? The two of us in one pic would make us top creators for sure.”

➣ You can only nod numbly with a fake smile at Oikawa’s enthusiasm.

➣ Oh god, you’ve created a monster…

NEKOMA

↳ Kozume

➣ Unless you’re Kuroo, becoming friends with Kenma is a nearly impossible feat. Actually making him want to spend time with you alone, even more so. 

➣ But somehow, you managed to work your way into Kenma’s tightly knit social circle more like a two point line segment of him and Kuroo and your evenings after his volleyball practice are usually spent in one of your bedrooms, playing Splatoon and Animal Crossing until your Switches die or your parents force you to come home for dinner—whichever comes first. 

➣ You love spending time with Kenma, his quiet presence somehow making you feel comfortable—but over time those feelings of ease have shifted into something more akin to nervousness and excitement as you’ve come to develop a crush on the setter.

➣ Every moment with him, watching the small smiles tug at his lips when he wins a match or his cute, frustrated pout when he can’t figure out how to defeat a boss makes your heart flutter and it’s becoming more and more painful to idly sit by without expressing your feelings.

➣ A direct confession, especially to a boy with nearly 0 social skills, is scary, so you want to be sure your feelings are returned before you even attempt to share them. 

➣ Thus, you’ve decided to take Kuroo’s advice.

➣ “Push him into a corner. Kenma will only act when he thinks he has to.” 

➣ You take a deep breath to steel your nerves before you speak, eying him sneakily from behind your Switch. 

➣ “Gamer girls and boys are kind of trendy these days; I’m thinking about starting an OnlyFans to make money to buy more games.”

➣ The only visible response you receive is a slow blink as Kenma continues to play his game, fingers tapping furiously on the keys. 

➣ “Ah...I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

➣ “Why not?”

➣ There are a few moments of silence between you two, the room only filled with the SFX of your games as Kenma seems to finish his round. You recognize the victory music as Kenma pauses to finally raise his gaze to meet your own. 

➣ “It's your body so I can’t tell you what to do but...I would feel really jealous of all your subscribers.”

➣ And just like that, Kenma returns his attention to the video game, unpausing and starting a new match, blissfully unaware of you struggling to calm your racing heart and flushed cheeks. 

#haikyuu #sugawara koushi #nishinoya yuu #tsukishima kei #oikawa tooru #kozume kenma #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #karasuno #aoba johsai #nekoma #sugawara x reader #nishinoya x reader #tsukishima x reader #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #sugawara hcs #nishinoya hcs #tsukishima hcs #oikawa hcs #kenma hcs #haikyuu hcs

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 317: My Boy Was Just Like Me

Previously on BnHA: AFO randomly blew up Lady Nagant as a good reminder of why you should never make a deal with this fucking guy, smdh. Hawks was all “well if it isn’t my two best friends, Deku and Lady Nagant, both of whom I respect and love tremendously.” Everyone was all “??” and Horikoshi was all “shh... just pretend” because it was too embarrassing for him to admit that he forgot to write a couple of set-up flashbacks I guess. Anyway so Hawks got Lady to tell them where AFO was hiding out, and everyone said goodbye to her and Overhaul, who never did get to see his boss (sorry buddy, I’ll send you a vial of my tears in the mail), and headed out to a house in the woods. AFO was all “hello Deku :) :) it sure is fun making you suffer :) :) :) anyways this is a trap”, and blew up the house. Yeah, we all here are getting reaaaaaaaal tired of your shit, AFO.

Today on BnHA: The Hawksquad and Edgeplatoon meet in a warehouse and are all “what should we do about the fact that everything sucks?” Mt. Lady is all “here’s a thought, what if we tried battling AFO with more than six people.” Hawks and Endeavor are all “great initiative, but just a friendly reminder that our friends also suck and would probably betray Deku which would suck further still.” Shouto is all “ANSWER THE PHONE DAD” and Endeavor is all “[IRONICALLY DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE].” Meanwhile over in Sadtown, capital of Sadland Prefecture, Japan, Deku is all “All Might, as you can clearly see I am completely fine and good, never been better in fact, definitely not caught up in the throes of an epic mental breakdown which is shutting me down emotionally, anyway so on that note I would like to leave you now goodbye!!” All Might is all “[can’t actually form any words because he’s too distraught].” Fandom is all “o(╥﹏╥)o.” Horikoshi is all “(*＾-’) 乃 [pew pew finger guns and barrel rolls into the darkness].”

sweet jesus lord

this literally doesn’t even look like Deku anymore?? this looks like Dark!Deku who shows up to fight you in that one room in the Water Temple. he looks like he’s about to crawl out of my television set and murder me with his psychic powers good lord

holy shit lmao Horikoshi is really just shrugging his shoulders and resolving last week’s cliffhanger with a single line of dialogue

fire is no one’s weakness. idk what other options you’ve got, AFO, but you’re gonna have to go back to the drawing board. maybe try bees or something. I’m just saying. we’re all expecting fire at this point but nobody is expecting bees

anyway so now they’re all sitting in some warehouse somewhere chatting about it I guess. shoutout to Horikoshi for finally giving my man Edgeshot some more dialogue at long last

well, Edgeshot, to answer your question, she exploded. so naturally she’s fine

nah just kidding, Hawks says she won’t be able to help them out much because she’s recovering from being exploded. this is the part where we all ignore the fact that Hawks got set on fire for like a full ten minutes back during the War arc and was only in the hospital for a day. anyways enjoy your temporary plot hiatus Nagant

man there’s a lot of dialogue here and I’m trying to figure out where to insert commentary but it’s kinda difficult lol. basically, Edge and the others are saying that they should gather up the other remaining heroes and get them all caught up on the whole OFA situation. which, hmmmm

like on the one hand, these guys definitely aren’t going to cut it on their own, so it’s a reasonable suggestion on the face of it. but on the other hand, do we really want to entrust the OFA secret to a bunch of other people, most of whom shat the bed during the War arc to be quite frank? is it really worth the additional risk? especially given that any one of them might go spilling the beans to the public -- or worse, betray them to AFO??

also just a quick side note here, Mt. Lady’s character development never ceases to delight me. she’s become so committed to her responsibility as a hero these days, and it fucking suits her. I genuinely consider to be one of the elites now. I mean it doesn’t hurt that all the other elites are fucking dead lol but still

wait what? Death Arms retired??

Death Arms as in the guy who was too afraid of a little fire to try and save a terrified 14-year-old kid who was slowly suffocating right before his eyes?? that Death Arms???? color me surprised. shocked, I tell you

...okay but holy fuck

Death Arms. bro. my expectations for you were low but holy shit. like I’m sorry, but I don’t even have it in me to try and pretend like I feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him or Old Man Samurai or any of those other guys today. thanks for a whole lot of nothing my dude. good riddance

(ETA: so I’m rereading this the next day and realize this comes off as kind of harsh, so let me just try to clarify. it’s not the fact that he’s quitting that bothers me, to be honest. it’s the fact that he’s quitting specifically because he feels like the public is being mean to him. that’s it.

seriously. it would be one thing if he was quitting because he was scared, because now that is human. nobody wants to die, and I doubt any amount of training can ever fully prepare someone to go up against that fear. but the thing is, he never once mentions that, or talks about the danger aspect. instead, I got the distinct vibe from this speech that Death Arms is one of those people who only became a hero because of the limelight. and I just don’t have any patience for that. if all you care about are likes and subscribes then go become a fucking youtuber or some shit. nothing wrong with that! but you didn’t; you signed up to be a hero and protect these people. they gave you their respect and admiration because they trusted you to protect them. and now that they’re no longer in the mood to worship and applaud your every move on account of them being scared shitless because they’re living in the literal end times, you decide to dip. so like okay, fine then. don’t let the door hit you on the way out. anyways lol sorry for the rant.)

anyway so yeah. perfect example of why I don’t exactly have a ton of faith in most of the remaining heroes out there lol. also let me just once again give a shoutout to my best girl Mt. Lady whom I suddenly find myself appreciating all the more

“please calm down makeste. drink some water and enjoy this fresh new jeans pun” listen Horikoshi don’t tell me what to do dammit

fine. it is a nice pun, I guess

-- damn so now Endeavor’s saying that the media is already being fed info by the retired heroes. so for some of these guys it wasn’t enough for them to abandon all the people they swore to protect and to leave their fellow heroes out in the cold; they decided they might as well actively make things worse for them while they were at it, huh. like I get wanting to spill all the dirty secrets from your old job that you just quit, but this isn’t Jeff Bezos you’re screwing over, this is a sixteen-year-old kid

-- like, yes!! this, right here!!

exactly!! let’s not forget that there are already two prior instances of this happening. Endeavor arguably deserved it, but Katsuki not so much

huh. Endeavor seems to have a more optimistic outlook regarding this than I do lol

I mean, this is the same public that didn’t hesitant to blame a kidnapped child for his own kidnapping, and then later on for being the downfall of the Symbol of Peace. but okay then

anyway so blah blah blah, more talk about how they need to use Deku as bait, which basically puts them back at square one, and then they’re all just trailing off into silence and sitting around in the dark lmao this is getting very depressing

SKDJFLSDKJ:LFKJ

SHOUTO?????

NOOOOOOOO ARE YOU KIDDING ME

OH HOW THE TURNTABLES OMG. THE GHOSTER HAS BECOME THE GHOSTEE. Endeavor you petty son of a bitch. and what a brutal cut to that flashback too. “let’s stop Touya together” nah Shouto I’ve got a better idea why don’t I abandon you in U.A. and sally off with Hawks and Jeanist to found the “let’s pretend like we’re doing something to help Deku” club, which basically consists of us sitting around making terrible decisions all day long

Shouto, honey. you deserve better my little Coca Cola can. .........but if you really do have something important you need to tell your dad you could just text it to him. all the love and support, hugs and kisses, you’re doing amazing sweetie. but if you need to pass on any vital information you can just write it down and hit send honey that’s all I’m saying love

now he’s getting another call?? -- or, no, Hawks is getting a call from All Might

ARE YOU FOR REAL HAWKS OMFG

so while you all were sitting around talking about how useless you are, the kid you’re supposed to be protecting was battling another hired gun. I see. please pardon me for one second, I have a phone call to make. the phone call is to RockLockRock and Manual. the reason for the call is to apologize for calling them the worst bodyguards ever back during the War arc. the reason for the apology is because it turns out I WAS SEVERELY MISTAKEN OMFG

JESUS CHRIST DEKU DID YOU JUST KILL THIS MAN LMAO

shoutout to Horikoshi for offscreening this fight. we get it, lol. Deku strong and scary, villains ineffectual and feeble, and AFO... [checks notes] yep, still a dick. the angst arc continues

-- the angst arc continues, SIR

jesus christ I may have to rethink all of my opinions about Deku being framed for murder in movie 3 lmao. never mind. he did it, your honor

holy fucking shit Deku. “he might blow up, so please be careful” fdlskjflk jlskdjflk lwkejflk anyway so I’ve decided the explosion running gag can stay, actually

DEKU WAIT YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH!!

lol why do I get the feeling some serious shit is about to go down. ALL MIGHT NEVER MIND BACK OFF I THINK HE NEEDS HIS SPACE

OH MY FUCK I GASPED OUT LOUD

NO NO NO. I KNEW THIS WAS COMING GODDAMMIT BUT NO. NEVER MIND, I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT IT, I’M NOT READY TO CRY TODAY

shit. shit shit shit shit and OF COURSE all I can fucking think about is that stupid fucking prophecy and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Deku please. please please please if you really are going to leave All Might here, please be so very careful in choosing your farewell words to him now because have this sudden horrible fear that this might be the last time you ever see him alive and oh god. oh god oh god

DEKU NO, YOU’RE REALLY NOT!?!?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE LESS FINE IN MY LIFE, ACTUALLY????

holy shit. and the fucking callback to the prophecy now. just in case we forgot. WHICH FYI, WE DIDN’T. but that’s basically confirming that this is all still very much on the table and HORIKOSHI NEVER FORGETS oh my god someone please hold me

and the fact that Deku’s flashing back to it now too, though?? because he never forgot either, because of course he didn’t, and now all this stuff is happening, and AFO’s words are getting to him, and this is literally his worst fear come to life and so of course he’s distancing himself from everyone, and now it’s finally come to even this. even the person he admires most

-- OKAY NO, FUCKING COME ON ALREADY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

I GET IT OH MY GOD, I ALREADY UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THIS MOMENT WITHOUT ALL OF THE DEVASTATING FLASHBACKS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT ME TO CRY, HUH, IS THAT IT. THIS MAN THAT HE THINKS OF AS A FATHER, THIS MAN WHO HAS BEEN EVERYTHING TO HIM SINCE HE WAS A VERY YOUNG CHILD. EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH, JUXTAPOSED AGAINST EVERYTHING DEKU IS UP AGAINST, EVERYTHING THAT’S AT RISK. LET’S JUST PUT IT ALL SIDE BY SIDE. LET’S JUST PILE ON ALL OF THE FEELS

(ETA: just a quick note that even though some of the posts I’ve read have described these as All Might’s flashbacks, I’m pretty sure they are Deku’s. most of these are scenes that only he was there for, so yeah. even though All Might is the one thinking the thoughts on the next page, the flashbacks are what’s running through Deku’s mind right now, and so we’re getting that emotion from both of them, which makes it extra devastating lol.)

wait, what???

WHAT??? do you really think that’s why he’s been so determined to protect you this entire time?? simply because you’re his successor?

-- oh no wait lol I think I got that mixed up, this is All Might saying that Deku feels the need to protect him. well that makes more sense lol

oh my god I cannot

his last words. his last words to him. and we can’t even see if he is smiling, like All Might always encouraged him to do. but what are the odds he can’t actually bring himself to do it. what are the odds he’s actually crying. oh god this scene is going to rip my heart out and STOMP on it in the anime isn’t it. Deku’s VA is going to full on murder me with emotion. not that there’ll be much of me left to murder after the thorough job that Horikoshi has already done here

YOU’RE CRYING. DEKU IS LEAVING ALL MIGHT AND IGNORING HIS OUTSTRETCHED HAND AND YOU’RE CRYING. AND BY “YOU” I MEAN “ME”, FUCK

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no words just feels just a big ol’ pile of feels. I do not have the strength. future me... [broadly gestures] good luck with all that

(ETA: LOL, WELL THEN.

what breaks my heart here is All Might. All Might, and everything he’s been through, and history repeating itself, and forcing him to live this moment from both sides because he wasn’t strong enough to fix things.

Toshinori had only just turned eighteen when Nana died. like, I feel like we don’t mention this enough. the All Might we know is a sixty-something-year-old man, and so everyone always talks about him like he’s basically been an adult forever. but he was a child when he met Nana. and he was still just a child when she died. barely a year older than Deku is now. younger than Mirio was when we first met him.

and we don’t talk about that. we don’t talk about how devastating that was for him. and we don’t talk about how the reason he grew up to become so reserved and withdrawn -- for all that he always tried so hard to outwardly project the image of a bold, confident, smiling hero -- was specifically because of what AFO did to him. because AFO targeted him in the exact way that he is now targeting Deku. because that’s what he does. he goes after every new user of OFA, and he finds out what’s most important to them, and then he destroys it. and for Toshinori, that was Nana. if you’ve read All Might Rising, you know that AFO basically killed her in front of him (and only killed her, while letting Toshinori and Gran get away). Toshinori (while crying) later says she was like a mother to him. and interestingly enough, during this same conversation, Gran tells Toshinori that he can see “that madness in [his] eyes” when Toshi talks about becoming strong enough to defeat AFO. madness in his eyes. sound familiar??

what’s happening to Deku now is the exact same thing that happened to Toshinori when he was a boy. AFO tried every bit as hard to break him as he’s trying with Deku now. “the path you’ve chosen is a thorny one. every battle grinds away at your soul with no end in sight.” we don’t talk about how Toshinori experienced this same thing for forty fucking years. and all the while isolating himself, exactly like Deku is doing now. pushing people away, exactly like Deku. because he never had anyone who was able to reach out and pull him back. and those words that he now finds himself frozen and unable to speak -- “don’t push yourself”; “you can rest” -- are the same words that no one ever said to him until decades later, when it was already far too late to make any difference.

everything that Deku is experiencing now is what Toshinori also went through. and it’s only now, as he watches it happen to his student, the boy he loves like a son, that he’s finally starting to realize the full extent of how wrong it was. you shouldn’t have to fight alone. you shouldn’t have to bear that kind of enormous burden alone. you shouldn’t have to push yourself, and you can rest. you can rest.

but it’s too late. just as he’s finally coming to understand it all, it’s all too fucking late. and he can’t say the words, he doesn’t know how to say the words, and then just like that, Deku is gone.

and he’s alone. again.)

I can’t. this can’t be their goodbye. I’m not ready. for this to be how they finally part, and then they never see each other again except in OFA. how is that fair. how is that fair. how is that fair

fuck me. lol. how many pages are left in this thing. let’s just wrap this up lol. so now of all the times for this fucking guy to finally show up

I can’t believe Stain has been here literally this entire time hiding behind this random wall and cutting onions. that was you who was cutting the onions, right. no need to answer that we’ll just say it was

HORIKOSHI JUST END THE CHAPTER PLEASE I’M OUT OF SPOONS. YOU HURT ME SO GOOD AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT BUT YOU NEED TO LET ME GO NOW SO I CAN BEGIN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO PUT MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER HERE. SO WHERE ARE WE CUTTING TO NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING

Stain did you also let AFO give you a new quirk. what’s with you guys. do you like blowing up

oh nvm lol because they were talking about THIS GUY ohhhhhh my fucking god

THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S SAD, LINDA!! jesus

omfg. and so yes, good, the chapter is ending here now on page 15. for once I am FULLY on board with that lmao

anyway so tune in next week for more adventures of Werewolf Deku!! that is, assuming we don’t finally cut back to U.A. at long last, which is actually a strong possibility considering that this chapter will likely mark the end of volume 31. it sure wouldn’t kill Horikoshi to start giving us some hope after everything he’s just put us through lol. KACCHAN COME GET YA BOY

#bnha 317 #all might #midoriya izuku #and endeavor and hawks and mt. lady and all the rest of them I guess #literally forgot all about them by the end lol #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #this wound up so long lmao I'm so sorry

[staywhelmedbatfam]

Reunited

~Damian Wayne/Reader~

Summary: You had thought things were going well between you two. That is until he up and left the city without a single word. When he suddenly appeared one night, you made it your mission to get answers.

Hello all! It's been a while since I've posted any fics. The spring semester was kicking my butt and my work is really lacking in employees (as I'm sure a lot of other places are) so I didn't really have time nor the energy to get a lot written. On top of that, I've got plenty of one shots started but no idea how to end them😅

I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to end this one, but I think it’s satisfactory. Enjoy!

***

“Damian?” you asked in a tone of disbelief as you stared at what you thought was his back. He stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around. A blade quickly found its way to your throat, dangerously close to breaking the skin.

“You will only address him as The Demon’s Head,” the blade wielder growled.

You kept your focus on the person unknown to you, watching from your peripherals, as Damian turned around. Many emotions overcame you now that his identity was confirmed. He raised his hand and made a gesture while walking forward. The blade lowered, the wielder taking a step back from you. With your life no longer in immediate danger, you shifted your gaze to Damian.

His eyes bored into yours as he got closer and finally came to a stop a foot in front of you. He briefly looked away while he spoke to his subordinate, “Leave us.” As they were leaving, Damian’s senses remained alert until he was sure they had exited the room. Now that the two of you were alone, his facial expression softened as his hands came up to hold your face.

“Dam–” you started, only to be cut off by lips meeting yours. Melting into the kiss, you squeezed your eyes shut and your hands found their way to his chest. Tears began to run down your cheeks.

He pulled away all too soon for your liking. Wiping the tears from your face with his thumbs, he continued to hold your face and you stared up at him. “(Y/N)… I apologize for leaving so suddenly. I should have told you. I’m so sorry, Beloved.”

“It’s been months, Damian. I thought something terrible had happened to you, but I never heard from your family. When I finally asked them, they told me you’d left. They never mentioned anything to me because they thought you had said something to me already,” you expressed, eyes shining with new, unshed tears. “And they didn’t get into specifics either. Then I see you and, suddenly, I have a knife to my throat. What in the world is going on?”

“I never imagined this would be how I tell you about any of this. Me leaving without a word was supposed to be the best way to protect you, but I ended up hurting us both instead.” He shut his eyes in anguish for a moment and let out a sigh before continuing. “My mother and grandfather were part of a group called The League of Assassins. I was raised in the League, training to become the perfect soldier and succeed my grandfather as leader. As you know, I went to live with my father at ten years old. The only reason I did was because of an attack on the League’s compound. Mother thought that was for the best at the time. Father never even knew I existed until we showed up in Gotham. While I lived with him, he showed me a better way than what the League had instilled in me. I ended up patrolling the city as Robin alongside him.

“When Mother came to take me back, I decided I would remain in Gotham. The first couple of years in Gotham were rocky, to say the least, but I eventually came to like it. Then you came along. I was instantly drawn to you, no matter how much I told myself I wasn’t interested in any kind of relationship – romantic or platonic. You lit up every room you walked into with that bright, gorgeous smile. I was in deep before I even realized it. You were the light I needed to counter all the darkness in my life. Then, a couple of months before I left, my mother insinuated that she would harm you if I didn’t return to the League. I tried to delay it as long as possible, but then I realized I was only hurting you more.”

Learning all of this new information at once and overcome with emotion, you stammered, “I–I would have come with you–”

“That’s precisely why I didn’t want to tell you. The League… it’s not a place for someone as generous and kind as you, Beloved. Had you come with me, there is no doubt in my mind that my mother would have done something to you anyway because you didn’t meet her standards. Regardless, I didn’t want you to waste the rest of your life being involved with a group of assassins when I know you are meant for so much more.” He leaned down, touching his forehead to yours, and closed his eyes. You shut your eyes too, relishing in the closeness.

Opening your eyes, you sighed before speaking, “So what happens now? I don’t want to lose you again.”

“I have to leave for now, but I promise you – this won’t be the last time you see me.” Damian lowered his voice as he continued, “It’s going to take some time, but I’m working on disbanding the League.”

“Just… be careful. Come back to me in one piece.”

“Your wish is my command.” He brought you in for another kiss, this one lasting a bit longer than the first. “I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too, Dami.”

***

After Damian told you about everything he had been keeping secret, you talked to his family. Since then, you’ve gone to the manor on occasion for dinner or even to help with their nighttime activities when they asked. At least the help you provided them never required you to leave the safety of the Batcave.

Even though you knew the details of Damian’s whereabouts now, you were still anxious. He had promised you that you would see each other again. That didn’t stop you from worrying or missing him. You felt empty without him beside you but pushed through each day with the thought that no news was good news.

As time passed, so did special occasions like birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and your anniversary. On the day of each occasion, you received a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Sometimes there was no occasion. You would cry every time, but the flowers weren’t the cause of your tears. No, it was the hand-written note that always came with the flowers. Just seeing Damian’s handwriting was enough to bring tears to your eyes. His words made you cry even harder.

After the first couple of notes, you bought a keepsake box and a journal. The notes got put in the box and you wrote a new entry in the journal after each one. Sometimes you would write an entry even when there was no letter – when you felt like you missed him more than usual.

Your coworkers tried to set you up with someone at one point until you told them you were in a long-distance relationship. They seemed to understand but were confused since you never talked about him. The longer this went on, the more skeptical they became. Questions were asked and you tried to answer them as best as you could without telling them anything they shouldn’t know.

“Seriously, it’s complicated. The circumstances we’re under don’t really allow me to share anything. I appreciate your concern though,” you told them right before leaving work for the day. They all watched you leave and gave each other worried glances.

When you returned to your apartment and unlocked the door, you set your purse and keys down on the entryway table then kicked off your shoes. Letting out a heavy sigh, you entered your bedroom and changed out of your work clothes into something more comfortable. That ended up being shorts and one of Damian’s sweatshirts that you took from his room a few months ago when you were at the manor. You tried not to wear it too often so his scent would last longer. Today, you just felt like you needed to be wrapped up in it.

Exiting your room, you headed for the couch to sit down and watch one of your weekly shows. You almost made it to the couch when a voice made your anxiety skyrocket and your heartbeat speed up.

“You always did look better in my clothes than I did.”

Whipping your head in the direction of your balcony, your eyes began to water. Damian stood inside your apartment, dressed as Robin. “I’m not dreaming, am I? It’s really you?”

“It’s really me, Beloved,” he replied with a serene expression on his face.

Running to him, you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest as the tears spilled down your cheeks. He hugged you tight and placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” he whispered against your hair.

You shook your head against his chest. “You’re here. That’s all I care about.”

***

I was thinking about doing something extra with the notes and the journal. Is this something you guys would like to see? Let me know! I appreciate any comments!

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[thotsforvillainrights]

Can I please request some smut with our theatrical villain hubby hubby Compress? Say he’s had a long few days and is super tired, so his s/o decided to give him some TLC in the bedroom?

~Affection~

-Sako Atsuhiro smut-

Affection:  a gentle feeling of fondness or liking.

You sighed and peeked at the clock from your comfy spot on the couch. “Midnight already...” You sighed to yourself quietly. The movie you were watching was no longer entertaining to you as your thoughts once again drifted off to Sako and his whereabouts. It never got any easier when he had a lengthy mission to go on. The only thing making it better was when you’d find his little care notes scattered about the house while he was away. It was a sweet activity he’s taken to doing when he knows the missions will be long and when he knows he can’t text or call you for safety reasons. He jots down little jokes and compliments and hides them through the house for you to find. This wasn’t the only thing he does to show he cares. Sako had a way with always treating you like the queen/king/royalty that you are. It was as if he made you his number one priority over himself (and sometimes even the league). You smiled thinking of how happy he’d be to see you again when suddenly the door unlocked and he appeared at the entryway. You quickly paused the movie and reached over to tur on the lamp. Instead of being greeted by his cheerful smile, he was weary as can be. His eyes had baggage out of this world, and his posture was more like Shigaraki’s than his own. He smiled slowly and spoke a little weakly. “My dearest, I’m so happy to see you. Here, you must’ve missed me so much. Let me go run you a bath.” He tried to shuffle down the hallway and stumbled just a bit. You quickly got up and stood in the way of his path. “Absolutely not!” You laughed and gently reached to grab his hand. “Running me a bath when it should be the other way around??? Come lay down before you pass out right now!” You pulled him along and he complied. Once in the room, you went to start a bath for him. You filled the tub with his favorite salts and added in a few petals along with a bath bomb and his favorite bubble bath mix as well. You lit some dull aromatic candles and turned the lights off before going to throw some big dry-off towels into the dryer. Afterwards, you fetched Atsuhiro and led him to the tub. What you did for him was what he’s done for you COUNTLESS amounts of times. You sat on a stool beside the tub and proceeded to bath him, carefully working a massage in there as well. You scrubbed his scalp as well, bringing out some very pleased moans in there. To ignore the heat that went down to your groin from the sound he was making would be to indulge in denial of the whole thing.

Once finished, you went to retrieve the warm towels and let him dry himself off. The privacy wasn’t needed but it was much appreciated by him as you went into the room and started scrolling through your phone while he prepared for bed. Finally he came into the room smelling wonderful and sporting his favorite robe you got him for his birthday last year, and he plopped down next to you. “Thank you, love.” He smiled at you gently and you returned the favor. You reached over to rub circles into his shoulders to massage him once more. 

Those moans came out again...

The more you pushed into his firm skin, the more sensual they became. You sighed and rolled over to straddle his hips. “Y/N, up to something?” He spoke quietly with a smile. You smirked at him and began running your hands under the robe he was wearing so you could feel the warmth of his chest. He reached up to grip at your hips, fingers firmly trying to dig into your plush (s/c) skin from beneath your shirt. You playfully swatted them away as you began taking off your shirt. Then you leaned down to whisper in his ear, eliciting another moan from his lips. 

“Don’t touch Mr. magic man. It’s my turn to treat you right for once.” You nibbled along the sides of his neck and stopped at that one sweet spot to suck at the skin in the hopes of leaving a large hickey. His moans were prominent now, and he jutted his hips up to meet with you for a moment. “Y/N...please...” Sako begged breathlessly. You smiled and stroked a finger along the side of his face before landing a very sweet and passionate kiss on his lips. It really didn’t take too long to snake out of your clothing and get right down to business. You made sure to absolutely cover his body with little kisses and teasing licks while also making sure to give him sweet words of reassurance. “I love you. You work so hard to support us. Thank you for what you do. You make me feel so good. You are so good for me. That’s it, good...” These phrases were fogging up his head with desire, and he found himself almost drooling at the thought of it. Along with your praise, you also worked his cock with your hands in such a way that he didn’t think he’d last much longer under your ministrations. A handjob flipped into a blowjob, which escalated to you slowly sliding him inside that sweet body of yours. Riding him at a slow pace was much more rewarding than hard and fast movement. This was because of how tortuous and sensual it was when he groaned out for you in desperation. His breathy moans, his whimpers and whines...it was pushing you to the edge as well. You had to resist the urge to fuck the everloving shit out of him. “Please...I’m so close...Y/N I...” Cut short by his own gasp, he felt himself spilling his seed into the walls of the condom while your fluttered around him, your release following not to late after. 

I wasn’t often that you got to spoil him and return your affections that he gave you, but it was nice when you did. Believe me, Sako appreciated it tenfold before he was out like a light not even ten minutes later. Let him get a little rest, and you may find him on his knees trying to return the favor when you wake up tomorrow;)

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #sako atsuhiro #atsuhiro sako #mr. compress #mr compress #smut #minors dni #lov #league of villains

[zestyq]

The Flavours Of Life - A Sims 4 Legacy Challenge

Sims tend to have a lack of personality. A lack of flavour. But I'm here to fix it. Are you tired of sims challenges either being too short or having wayyy too many goals to incorporate your own creative freedom? Then read ahead!

General rules;

1 - No cheats and cheaty mods. Sims tends to get boring if you cheat money, careers and skills. 2 - This challenge is about having freedom and being flexible. So feel free to edit some of the generation rules for your liking in your playthrough. 3 - Stick to a normal or long lifespan. 4 - Design your sims with the general colours/styles of the generations. 5 - The whole point of this challenge is to have fun so if you don't think you're going to enjoy a gen, skip it!

Generation One, Vanilla;

New town, new life and new opportunities. You grew up with privilege and have never had to work for yourself. Until one day, your parents pass away suddenly and you find they left nothing to you in your will. In a rags to riches style, you have to build yourself up from nothing. Eventually, you gain back your white picket fence lifestyle and marry, then have kids. You care for and love your kids - you want the best for them. But one day you make a grave mistake...

Traits: Materialistic, Snob and Perfectionist.

Aspiration: Succesful Lineage.

Career: Your choice, excluding high intensity jobs.

-Max out a career of your choice.

-Have at least two kids.

-Master parenting and whatever skill(s) correspond with your job.

- Complete at least half of your aspiration

- Have a one night stand with an evil sim, get pregnant and lie to your partner that it's their child.

Generation two, Strawberry;

You've always seemed so sweet and... charming. So charming you can practically manipulate anyone into liking and trusting you. Okay let's face it - you're evil. (I wonder who you got that from). You've been married so many times it's hard to count. It's a shame your relationships never work out. Although you'd prefer to commit crimes all day, you have a reputation to uphold. So you buy a bakery! Some say the special ingredient is love. You know it's much more sinister.

Traits: Evil, Romantic and Foodie.

Aspiration: Serial Romantic.

Career: Baking Business.

-Have a pristine reputation.

-Have multiple of your wives/husbands die under "suspicious circumstances" and take their money

-Have at least a three star business.

-Master the Baking, Charisma and Mischief skills.

Generation three, Bitter;

Growing up your parental figures came and went. Nothing was permanent. Which is why you guess stability never come easy to you. The only thing that remained consistent throughout your life was your hatred of your parents. As a teen or young adult you run away from home at the dead of night and start a new life. With no set goals or plans in your life you jump quickly from one thing from another. You live all over the globe during your life but you finally settle down in the tropical Sulani. Oh, did I forgot to mention you hate children?

Traits; Non-Committal, Hates children and Self-Absorbed.

Aspiration: Beach Life

Career: Any four careers + a term or so of uni.

-Reach level 2 of four careers.

-Go to uni for a degree but drop out sometime during the first term.

- Max two skills and reach level five in another.

-Get pregnant by accident and have twins. (You may cheat)

-Have maxed out hate for at least one parent.

-Get a Nanny for your children.

Generation 4, Salt OR Pepper;

(During this generation you get a choice as who you will play as)

Option 1 - Pepper,

You and your twin sibling have always been polar opposites but that doesn't mean you can't be close! You were always the rebellious one. Sneaking out to parties, underage drinking and hiding your soulmate in your room. Whatever you were doing it certainly wasn't something good. At school you never tried and got an F Grade at high school. But when P.E came around... you were the star of the show. Sports was your natural calling. And after a long day of exercising, you liked to help yourself to a drink.

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Active, Hot-Headed.

Aspiration: Soulmate.

Career: Bodybuilder Branch of the Athlete Career

-Max the fitness and mixology skill

-Complete the Soulmate aspiration.

-Reach level ten of the athlete Bodybuilder Branch

-Have an alternative style for the majority of your life.

-Have max friendship with your twin.

-Meet your soulmate as a child and stay together forever.

Option 2- Salt,

You and your twin have always been close friends but that didn't stop you from feeling jealous of their perfect relationship. During school you always had your head in a book and at the library one day you meet someone to love. But it didn't work out. For a lot of your life you were stuck in a loveless relationship that ended in divorce and kids to look after. You wrote romance novels in hopes that one day the stories would come true and you'd find that special someone to call your "soulmate". And eventually, you do! In the last years of your life you meet your special someone...

Traits: Romantic, Gloomy and Bookworm.

Aspiration: Bestselling Author.

Career: None. You can only get money by self-publishing books.

-Max out the writing skill and logic skill

-Complete the Bestselling Author aspiration

-Meet your first love at the library during "Book Club"

-Have a divorce as an adult.

-Have max friendship with your twin

-Marry "the one" as an elder

Generation 5, Spicy:

Growing up you always wanted to be the centre of attention. You always had a fiery and unpredictable personality. Sometimes you'd fabricate stories just so your parents would feel bad for you. As you got older, nothing changed. You became a famous actor. People around the globe loved you and the roles you'd play. One night you spot a paparazzi and the flirtations began. At first you thought it'd be nothing; you were used to pretending to like someone. As the night progressed, you and the paparazzi hooked up and a child was conceived. Terrified of what the public would say you quit acting, become a stay at home parent and marry the paparazzi.

Traits: Self-Assured, Ambitious and Erratic.

Aspiration: Master Actor.

Career: Actor, Stay at Home Parent.

-Master the acting and cooking skill.

-Reach at least level 5 in the acting career.

-Complete at least half of the acting aspiration.

-Marry a paparazzo.

-Become a three star celebrity.

Generation 6, Orange:

You always knew your parent loved you but you could tell they'd rather be famous and living a life of luxury. They signed you up for drama club in the hopes you'd fulfil their dreams but you'd rather be playing with your doll family at home. Babies. Something about them was so cute to you. You grew up and had a large family. You managed to balance work and family perfectly. You gave your children full unconditional love and they returned it. Despite being unwanted as a child, you made sure your children felt belonging. One day it all changed. One of your children passed away in a fire and you were distraught. But you wouldn't let them be forgotten; every week you made at least one painting dedicated to them.

Traits; Creative, Family Oriented and Paranoid.

Aspiration; Big Happy Family.

Career; Painter.

-Master the painting skill.

-Complete the Big Happy Family aspiration.

-Make at least one painting a week after your child passes.

-Have 5 or more children.

-Attend drama club as a child.

Generation 7, Sour:

Your childhood was fairly uneventful. Except from the fire incident... But you don't talk about it. You prefer life to have a kick to it. You spend your life seeking danger. Some days you'll be climbing the treacherous Mt.Komorebi, others you'll be exploring the ancient tombs of Selvadorada. Whatever you're doing it's sure to be fun. For a while you settle down and have a child but as soon as the child is old enough to journey with you - it's back to the thrill. Life doesn't wait. Neither do you.

Traits; Adventurous, Loves Outdoors and Slob.

Aspiration; Jungle Explorer

Career; None. You sell fossils and artifacts.

-Max the Seladoradian culture and archaeology skill.

-Complete the Jungle Explorer aspiration.

-Reach the top of Mt.Komorebi.

-Have a child with a Seladoradian Native.

Generation 8, Sweet:

You grew up in a wild family. You often went on wild journeys with your parent but you didn't really want to live that life. Music was your passion. Anything musical was perfect to you. Through joy, sorrow and hope you played music. You became an entertainer and married your co-worker. You sang soft lullabies to your children when they cried and serenaded your partner when things were getting romantic. After a long days work, you come home and see your partner in bed... with the maid! Do you forgive and forget? Or do you divorce?

Traits; Music-Lover, Good and Jealous

Aspiration; Musical Genius

Career; Entertainer

-Max out two instrument skills and singing.

-Max out the entertainer career

-Donate to charity once a week.

-Adopt two children from less fortunate homes.

-Catch your partner cheating on you

FYI;

This challenge is my first one so please don't hate. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Also this challenge is loosely based off of the not so berry challenge by lilsimsie. Go subscribe to her :)

#sims 4 #sims 4 challenge #ts4 #gaming #pack #challenge

[nhi-theuserof-this]

TW/CW: Depictions of blood, gore, broken body parts, corpses, explosions, swearing, unnatural body movements (some are very graphically said)

This is a graphic edition of my most recent oneshot, the link provided leads to the censored/vague edition

Link here

https://nhi-theuserof-this.tumblr.com/post/638464385946451968/i-read-this-one-ao3-fanfiction-and-now-i-want-to

—

The festival was the first.. ...known.. occasion of that thing.

Nobody wanted to think that Technoblade and the thing were the same, if they were in fact the same being, well, nobody wanted to think about that.

It was in the middle of Schlatt screaming at Technoblade that it appeared. Technoblade was gripping his head tightly and shaking it at nothing in particular. “Are you even listening?” Schlatt had shouted at him. It snapped an invisible string as Technoblade whimpered and stood still, eyes fluttering closed as he passed out while standing, but it wasn’t like anyone could tell as he was outright shaking at the moment.

The crowd went silent and so did everyone on the stage. Techno That thing, it opened Technoblades eyes to show they had turned fully blue, a light blue that could pass as white in the right lighting. It jerked Technoblade into an upright position as his body swayed. It was as if a doll was being pulled into multiple directions at once, before settling on taking a step towards Tubbo.

Jschlatt had thought Technoblade had given in and shouted encouragement as he never noticed Technoblades empty blue eyes. It jerked Technoblades hands onto the crossbow at his side taking it up in both its hands, fumbling to put a rocket inside. Technoblades mouth fell open as hundereds-thousands of whispers fell out of at a million miles a minute, a loud one, that spoke above the volumes of all the other voices, “We’re sorry Tubbo” It said, voice similar to the sound that came from nails scratching at a chalkboard. “Let’s make this as colorful and painless as possible.”

It pointed the crossbow currently named ‘Subscribe to Technoblade’ in between Tubbo’s eyes, finger hovering over the trigger as Technoblades mouth was pressed into a grin as the rocket released, enchantments morphing the rocket into three that of which went into seperate directions, exploding into many colors as Technoblade was moved to reload and shoot once again, this time resulting in the death of everyone on the stage aside from himself.

All three of the people that had died left behind rapidly decaying corpses that implicated so.

His body was turned around with stiff, jerky movements, face being in an emotionless grin as the weapon in his hands had more ammunition available for use. Jshlatt had died twice, somehow, and almost every participant of the festival had died as well that day.

He was back to normal at some point after he got back to Pogtopia. Sitting still as a stone beside his potato farm, staring at his reflection as if it wasn’t his own. He quietly mumbled apologies to no one in sight and was rapidly switching from topic to topic, quietly explaining things to himself while telling an invisible something to shut up.

Tommy had angrily stomped up to Technoblade when he got back. Shouting ar him about killing Tubbo, betraying him, practically disowning him at one point, something else. It became distorted and turned to white noise quickly as Wilbur dragged the two towards a pit he made, encouragingly pushing the two towards the enterance while babbling on about beating eachother.

Somewhere in between those events, Technoblade lost control of his movements, but still consious and aware of what was happening. Technoblade was hollow in that very moment, so very hollow he didn’t realize the voices forced their way out of his mouth as Tommy live there bloody on the ground.

“Violence is the only universal language.” The voices had screamed through Technoblade, so scratchy and disgusting sounding that Tommy didn’t know if Techno actually said that as what he said after was suddenly back in his own monotone as ever voice.

Tommy had learnt not to shout at Technoblade for hours on end after what happened.

The server learned to be wary of Technoblade at all times if they weren’t already.

-

Sometimes Technoblade could spend a week without a single one of the voices speaking, other times though.. ...it was a blessing just to be able to go about his day without hurting himself whether on purpose or not.

The voices were very loud today. The second Technoblade could register noise his mind was flooded with screams and shouts of ‘late’ and ‘anarchy’ along with the other regular things but this time ther were hundereds of other extra voices shouting along, screaming for him to do violent things, to draw blood and kill something. Unluckily for Technoblade, the cow pit only needed breeding right now.

Technoblade left his base with fresh bandages wrapped around his body. He’ll need to get new bandages for the next time this happens.

It was through the voices screaming at him to run, that he learned that everyone had them, Technoblade didn’t know he was about to be attacked until the voices sceamed as an arrow made its way into his leg in between the gaps in his armor. It was just that he was the only one that could actually hear them. The next time the voices said something he didn’t know about was as Wilbur stepped down from the podium. Technoblade had seen no evidence of Phil even being invited to the server, but the voices screamed about him in the minutes that led up to his joining the server notification appeared in chat.

Everyone spoke over Technoblade as he attempted to make his first speach. Technoblade honestly expected this, but chat was pissed they’d never hear it, it had taken his body momentarily and created the base of the two withers. Technoblade turned back to continue speaking after being let go, but most of the people that could see him flinched, chat left his eyes tinted blue, an after affect that stuck around if Technoblade was only partially taken over for a short time.

The events of that day had left some people thoroughly traumatized, the reason? It was surprisingly not because of Technoblade alone. Technoblade never took note of that though, opting to hang out with Phil for a while, letting the man crash at his base until he could get himself set up.

He was teetering between telling Phil about the voices, confessing and explaining why he’s become so violent so suddenly at times, or keeping it to himself for the time being. He chose the later. It unfortunately didn’t stop Phil from seeing the tinted red bandages, even though he could’ve swore technoblade had just changed them.

“Are you okay Techno?”

And the voices grew soft. They pushed Techno to say yes and dismiss Phil, though that was only some of them, others told him to be honest. And that’s what he did.

Techno had broken down, he cried and cried, he confessed to Phil that he had never gotten this bad nearly as often before, that he had hurt himself enough to cause an emergency stash be put in place. Phil remembers how small and fragile Techno was when he first found him, but nothing could compare to what Technoblade was like right now, curling in on himself, cursing his own existence as if he were worth less than the dirt in the ground, crying in shame at how he is able to mercilessly cut down so many people without pause.

Phil gained a better understanding of why Technoblade was more comfortable in a friendly relationship rather than a family type of relationship that evening, as he held his shaking friend in his arms.

-

The butchers had invaded Philzas home in search of Technoblade. This was something he had learnt through both the voices and the butchers. The voices liked when he cracked jokes so Technoblade rated his kidnapping a two, it made the voices laugh, nobody else did, only the voices.

Technoblade was scared they’d hurt something or someone close to him like Phil, so he shut up and played along after Carl got held hostage, hoping he’d get a chance to free himself and take Carl home.

He was now in a cage, supposedly about to have a trial, but it was likely to be rigged. The voices suddenly started screaming, causing Technoblade to flinch in a visible manner. Nobody knew what he flinched at besides himself, but that didn’t matter right now as someone tried busting him out. Technoblade didn’t know who, he was busy taking a totem of undying into his hands, shakily hoping it wouldn’t come to that, but he learnt that the voices were commonly right.

The voices proved true once again. Quackity was pissed at what was happening, so much in fact, he disregarded the entire trial as he yanked the lever activating the mechanism that’d drop an anvil onto him in order to crush his skull.

As Technoblade took in a sharp breath as the anvil came in contact with his body, he was suddenly crushed, sickeningly loud crack sounding out as everyone turned to look at him. The totem slipped out of his hand when he was crushed sliding off the small stage with a clank, before it exploded into a burst of green and white particles, making him phase through the anvil as he shakily stood while the crushed bone slowly reformed, muscle and skin following. Most people looked away as others cringed at the disgusting noises.

When heit looked up, everyone started shouting. That thing wasn’t supposed to come out, Technoblade wasn’t even supposed to survive the initial anvil drop.

Technoblades body ran, and so did everyone else, wether the same direction or not.

.

“You’re on the fucking hitlist Technoblade!” Quackity screamed in rage.

The thing turned around, mouth falling open as hundreds of different voices came out at once. Quackity stepped back, the voices too much to register, him barely picking some of them up.

‘QUACKITY WHAT’ ‘BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD’ ‘CARL’ ‘Lead in pile!’ ‘Kill!!’

The voices suddenly went dull as Technoblades body went slack, before getting into a fighting stance unusual for him. ‘It’s u s Qua.kity, ch-At.’

Quackity raised his axe before Technoblades body launched forwards before raising Technoblades pickaxe. ‘We have a pickaxe,’ it grinned, ‘and we’ll put it through your teeth.’

Quackity hadn’t realized how horrible the thing was until now, until the body of Technoblade loomed above him, scratch that- the body of chat, that hovered over him with a manic grin, bringing the pickaxe down into his jaw, yanking harshly as Quackity let out a blood curtling scream as char pulled it out and brought it down into his skull, killing him with a final blow.

Quackity was slain by Technoblade

#chat possession au #mcyt #dream smp #mcyt fanart #mcytau #tommyinnit #Wilbur soot #Wilbur mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt fic #mcyt fandom #quackity #tw violence #nhiwrotehere

[theawakenedstate]

Let’s Talk about the dreaded writer’s block and what to do when you have no motivation! You know when you’re a weird mood, going through the motions and it just feels like it’s hard to get motivated? When you’re in a funk, everything feels a little bit “off” and you can’t place your finger on what it is…This feeling of lack of motivation, discouragement and in general a feeling of overwhelm seems to take over you.

In some ways you’re not really sure what you feel guided to do, the confusion actually makes it harder to focus. So this case of writer’s block gets a bit bigger than what you meant it to be. And suddenly you’re off of your A game, you stopped committing, you fell into a rut and now you’re feeling stuck. We often feel immense overwhelm because our energy is scattered and therefore so is our point of attraction – our focus. However, what we have to see is that Overwhelm is simply resisting what is. And what we’re actually feeling – when we get stuck, feel discouraged, or have a ton of lack of motivation is simply RESISTANCE. This feeling of being stuck is an illusion, this feeling of lack of motivation is an illusion – because underneath all of it – is you not willing to push harder through the resistance to get to the other side.

So often we find ourselves giving up, fearing failure or falling into cycles of self-sabotage but what we’re actually doing? We’re not willing to sit down in the chair long enough to WAIT for the DROP – To wait for the moment where we can push past our own fear, our own anger even our own doubt and SURRENDER fully to the pathway unfolding in our mists.

As we let that lack of motivation keep us in ideas full of doubt or inaction, We fall into a cycle of unconscious excuses that are mirroring a fear of change. “Well i just don’t feel like it today” “I don’t think i have the energy for this,” “this is just too overwhelming so i guess I’ll do nothing” “do i really have what it takes?” “I’m not sure i can do this, i just can’t” “I just need more focus…more clarity…more time…more space to figure this out” All of this is underpinning the simple realization that Lack of Motivation, doubt, insecurity and inaction is simple one thing: NOISE – Noise from the Resistance to Change.

And our job is to call it out for the bullshit it truly is and remember who we truly are – The funk you’re in – it’s just showing you, you’re afraid of change. Completely normal, it’s human.

But once identified? LET’S GO. The only way out is thorough – so are you willing to be patient enough to allow the emotion to disburse and YOU to be pulled by soul, by higher self anyway and move forward anyway or will you succumb to the noise? Whenever we feel an immense lack of motivation, where we feel stuck, and just lost? It’s time to pivot, change direction and recognize that your Ego is simply BORED and demanding change. That’s truly all that is and the more we recognize that – we start to take away its power over us.

This feeling of being in a ‘dry spell’ or a plateau or any feelings where you feel deep in the trenches of the ILLUSION, you must recognize it is simply an illusion.

There is always a new perspective to drop into, there is always wisdom to guide you within, and there is always a moment of energetic redirection where you can actively choose to SHIFT your energy. That is how truly powerful you are. So you may say you don’t have the energy today, you may say you can’t do it – but what i know? Higher self always will show you HOW to do it – so really this lack of motivation we’re feeling? There is always a way out of being stuck

Being Stuck is merely an illusion of the ego, of the mind and our job is to ALLOW the Drop so you can simply ride it out and allow flow to kick in anyway. Because that is the moment where you just dissolved the past into the present and became one with the FLOW of Life again.

The question is, are you willing to be patient in the discomfort to surrender fully to Drop in to SOUL or will you continue to say you’re stuck? The true job is to the push past the veil of resistance so deeply your excuses suddenly dissolve and disappear in your path. That is when you have truly shifted your energy. As I explain deeper in the Vlog this week, I was recently feeling caught up in a funk and I decided to talk about it on this week’s youtube episode. Let’s go deep into what it’s like when you have writer’s block, an immense lack of motivation and what you can start to do about it! This is a perfect conversation if you’ve every found yourself losing your spark, skipping your workouts, flaking out on your spiritual practice or simply having a hard time with habit building. Let’s kick eachother’s booties back into ACTION 😉

Let’s talk about it! I’d love to start a discussion on this topic in the comments, do you have trouble with lack of inspiration and motivation? This is an area that is focused a lot on Shifting our mental state and learning how to shift energy from the inside out.

Sometimes even I need a nice dose of my own medicine! I hope this topic deeply serves you Be sure to subscribe if you desire instant notifications for each weekly episode at our youtube Love,

P.S. If you’re ready for more Energy Tools and insight into Shifting Energy, you would LOVE the Toolkit experience! Before you go There is currently an EQUINOX FLASH SALE going on until Saturday on The Energy Management Toolkit Audio course! Receive 20%OFF (coupon code below), Only 48 hours left!

This is the course to Dive deep into Understanding how your Energy is influencing your Life and how to start to learn solid Energy Tools to balance your energetics. This is the manual I wish I received when i was first starting on my journey of understanding energy – Let me take the complicated and complex theories out – so you can learn how to: Get over overactive empathy Manifest with the Moon. Know how energy works Connect with higher Self and guidance easily Reconnect Back to Who you truly are and most importantly Learn how to SHIFT energy quickly and easily. The Toolkit is made for those who are OVER suffering from overactive empathy, need clarity on How to effortlessly raise their vibrations or for anyone who wants some solid Moon rituals for every special occasion they desire to do Ritual. If that sounds like a good time, It’s time to take your power back and reconnect back to your Expansive Universe as you dive into your own Energy Management Techniques  If there’s one thing I know – its how to shift energy quickly. The Energy management Toolkit is a course designed to help you Dismantle Resistance, Remove Blocks, and Become Reconnected to your Spiritual Power. This is a Powerful Toolkit that you can use again and again to quickly raise your vibration and let go of resistance.

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https://theawakenedstate.net/no-motivation-allow-the-drop-into-soul/

No Motivation? Allow The Drop Into Soul!

Let’s Talk about the dreaded writer’s block and what to do when you have no motivation! You know when you’re a weird mood, going through the motions and it just feels like it’s hard to get motivated? When you’re in a funk, everything feels a little bit “off” and you can’t place your finger on what it is…This feeling of […]

[the-greatest-story-untold]

Dear Dream

I know I am so ridiculously late.

But hey, better late than never...

To NCT Dream,

The baby unit of NCT.

The unit of young souls tasked to bring hope and endurance to the world's youths.

The superior unit.

Your current average age is 19.5 years old… barely an adult.

Yet, you have a career that's gone strong for four years (and definitely still counting).

I am not a veteran of the KPop scene so I do not know if your 'formula' has been tried before i.e. a band comprising of literal teenagers to be the inspiration for an entire generation of youths. Most bands I knew had teenagers that were mostly above 16 when they debut and even so, there will be older members in the band.

When you started off in 2016, your oldest member was only 17 years old, and your youngest was 14!

It must have been surreal to have begun your journey as singers, dancers, performers and artists at such a young age!

The music/entertainment industry is very much an 'adult' world. Yet here you are, barely grazing adulthood but already trusted into the bright lights and blazing life of entertainment.

It must have been scary.

But you've made it.

One of you've graduated and became an adult. 4 of you've grown to become adults. One more has just reached his adulthood milestone. And then there's one left.

You guys have grown so, so much. And you guys have grown up so well. You need all the congratulations the world can offer.

You grew up in the limelight of the Kpop industry, in the new age of social media flurry, and in the unprecedented era of KPop world domination.

You grew up well, so well. You've made it.

Your journey is still long and for all the good things in this world, I hope your journey remains long and prosperous.  

I have to say, I am very surprised for the affection I feel towards you.

I admit I was weary to 'get into' NCT Dream because of your ages. I felt very uncomfortable that you were very young. Jisung sweetheart, you are a decade my junior.

It felt very strange for me to see what I viewed as literal children to be thrown into limelight.

My experience with childhood stardom is very limited to the Hollywood scene. I've heard what exposure to stardom can do to children. Especially as they grow into teenagers and young adults. It's kinda scary.

But I forgot. Though you may be in the same 'industry' i.e. entertainment; your cultures are so vastly different.

Sure, there have been infamous stories too about the KPop entertainment industry. It is as notorious as Hollywood. There have definitely been stories about your company.

When you first debuted in 2016, I've been listening to KPop for about 4 years. I wasn't an avid fan nor that big of a multi stan. I was a fan of your seniors: EXO.

The change of OT12 to OT9 was definitely an experience for me and it was difficult not to see kpop in tainted lenses after that.

So when I found out that a group of 7 with an average age of just 15.7 years (not even 16!) was to be debuted, I was quick to dismiss it.

You were too young in my eyes.

1. It felt like exploitation. 2. Your concept was too bright for me to appreciate.

So I paid you no attention.

And honestly, I had not paid attention to your brother units either when they debuted (NCT U with the 7th Sense and NCT 127 with Firetruck).

My attention in NCT officially started in 2018, when NCT2018 started. I knew of NCT’s general concept and units, so I was aware of the existence of Dream. I saw you guys appear on Weekly Idol with your hyungs. And that's about it.

I remained fairly distant with Dream for some time, focusing mainly on NCT 127 as they gained momentum in their American debut with Regular.

I continued telling myself that you were too young for my taste. Furthermore, Mark and Haechan were the maknaes of 127, so that solidified my thinking of the seven of you as mere 'babies'.

But as the end of 2018 approached, two significant episodes occured that brought more of my attention to you.

First, Mark was graduating.

I still wasn't an avid fan let alone an NCTzen at that time. I did not keep up with your updates and I do not follow you on any social media platforms. My 'news' of NCT only came in the form of recommended videos on YouTube.

Somehow, Mark's graduation became significant enough to manifest as recommended content on my YouTube recommendations. I was aware of Dream's graduation concept and since I've not invested in the unit, it bothered me not.

The Dream Show happened but it is not exactly fully available online, so I wasn't really aware of its occurrence. I only knew that Mark had officially graduated because of the 'farewell' video on NCT's channel.

I still wasn't fazed much by this as I was generally accepting of the graduation concept. We all grow up and graduation is just part of life. Welcome to adulthood, champ.

What caught my attention was how affected fans were because of this. There were so many videos of 'why mark/7Dream will be missed'. I brushed it off, understanding that Dreamzens were teenagers and emotions run high in that life period.

Then the next major event happened: Haechan/Donghyuck's injury.

It was only at this time that I was fully aware of 'MarkHyuck'. I saw a glimpse of it before but I dismissed it. However, with Haechan out of commission, it spiked.

I am not a shipper. I don't really have that much of an interest in wanting the pairing to be together. But one thing I have definitely developed during this period, was the solid support of Mark's and Haechan's Best Friends Forever friendship.

Perhaps I was more open to the two of you compared to the rest of the Dreamies since I see you interact within 127 more. Perhaps I was more attentive because you both were in 127 and I was at that time paying attention to 127.

Either way, when fans started pointing out how sad it was that the BFFs had to split, I had a small 'aww' moment.

Then what made me went absolutely 🥺  was Mark's year end performances with the Dreamies but it was already 6Dream instead of full strength.

There was that one year end event when Dream performed 'We Go Up' and it appeared to be that Renjun seemed to be sniffling. Of course, fans were quick to interpret it as sadness and all started lamenting that it was the last performance of Mark with Dream in year end promotions but Mark's best friend wasn't there.

Wow, fans are dramatic.

I wasn't hooked but I felt the sadness. I know fans were just projecting their own emotions into what happened and we eventually found out that Renjun was sniffling because he had a nosebleed earlier, not because he was crying.

This somehow made me curious about Dream… and I guess that begun my journey in getting to know Dream.

I think partly because 127 was on tour in 2019 and it was their official tour. Partly also because WayV officially debuted in 2019. But NCT content was aplenty. I've also subscribed to the NCT channel at this point so my notifications were dinging all the time.

So naturally, with more exposure to NCT, comes more interest in knowing all of you.

I have never been the 'stan only one unit' type of fan. Remember, I officially got into NCT from NCT2018, when 18 of y'all are actively promoting. I am not afraid of your ‘big ass group’ concept.

So as my interest in NCT grows, I figured it was time to know every unit better then. With 127 busy with tour, they were already releasing the Hit the States series on top of their tour, and planning a comeback mid tour. I know content will be readily available. I just had to wait.

WayV was also new so LABEL V was pumping content heavily to promote them. Again, this means content is easily available.

What was missing, was Dream content. With Mark graduated, Haechan injured and then automatically roped in with 127 for their tour, where does that leave the other members?

So I got curious. I wanted to know more about Dream but there aren't current content. What do I do? Well, dig into past content.

Chewing Gum.

I have come across it before, a long time ago probably in 2016 when it first released. I dismissed it so fast, I did not watch it fully.

I think I was still fairly new to KPop and the 'cutesy' bubblegum pop concept did not sit well with me. So anything remotely adorable was dismissed.

Unfortunately, Chewing Gum was the epitome of cute. You guys were so small. So young! Your voices… 😅

However when I started getting into NCT and because I was eager to really learn about Dream, I sat through it. But barely. I kept cringing. Sorry.

After finishing it, I felt like I had done it injustice. But I still wanted to know more about you guys! So I changed tactics.

I started with We Go Up. At least I was familiar with it. And I didn't watch the videos. I just listened to the song. Slowly, I moved down to Go, We Young, My First and Last, and finally, Chewing Gum.

Honestly, it took me some time to get used to. Obviously Dream was very different from 127. So I really had to focus to listen to Dream.

I don't know what was the turning point. I don't recall what made me suddenly enjoy your content but it happened. I find myself looking forward to listening to your songs. I actually felt genuine unadulterated fun.

Chewing Gum got into my head and I kept hearing 'Ch-ch-ch-ch-chewing Gum' on replay in my head. I eventually succumbed and went to watch the M/V again. And this time, I enjoyed it! I still cringed, lol. But I was able to enjoy the song instead of let the overload of cute affect me.

I also came across the hoverboard version and BAM! I was awed.

I was very much the typical millennial that dismissed hoverboards as 'the new trend' that was too beneath my generation (*scoff* I am such an elitist). 

So I knew it was trending and everywhere. But seeing these 7 teens actually performing synchronized choreography in addition to using a hoverboard without breaking a sweat, I was amazed. Omg, how? The dedication, the training, the effort!

It was then I thought that you guys weren't the usual teenagers I see on the street (whom I am so secretly terrified of btw). You guys are the dedicated hardworking types. The one I'm definitely intimidated by. Only because I never had the same drive when I was that age. (Pssst...There's jealousy in that too...)

I began thinking to myself, I've got to give them credit. I can't be an ageist. Just because I have my own issues and insecurities about being a lazy bum as a teenager, I shouldn't project it on these 7 teens who are already contracted to work and dedicate the rest of the young lives to their art.

That was how I started watching more NCT Dream content on YouTube. Your music videos, fancams, fanmade content etc.

I was slowly but surely falling for your charms.

I must also admit, at that period in time, I was fast becoming a big fan of Haechan.

Maybe due to his temporary break during his injury, I had a lot of 'missing you' content recommended to me. I clicked them all and really, I fell in love with his voice.

I had also then started following alot of NCT content on Twitter and IG. With 127 on tour and Haechan back in business with the North American tour, there were alot of celebratory tweets and IG posts about his comeback.

I knew Haechan was a vocalist but I suddenly saw an influx of his dance on my social media. It got me curious and I admit I watched quite a bit of Haechan fancam.

Then, it was announced NCT127 was coming for a concert to my country. And I went for it. My first concert in my 27 years of life. No regrets. I LOVED IT. Plus, my interest in Haechan soared too.

His dance break? In that one little segment? Was enough to sell me.

Highway to Heaven? Superhuman? YAAS.

And then mere days after the concert, We Boom happened.

And wow. We Boom era was a beautiful awakening for me.

You were all still teenagers, technically. Sure, the 00 liners we adults in Korea, but internationally, y'all haven't reached 20.

Still it didn't stop the multiple outpouring of congratulatory messages for all four of you in reaching adulthood.

So I figured if y'all see yourselves as adults, you're officially adults then.

And I think that was the mental barrier that had been putting me off. As much as I don't want to be one, I am sort of an ageist. It really took you 4 being 'official' adults plus one graduated member, for me to pass my own ageist thoughts before deciding you are more than talented.

Any who, with my increased interest in Haechan and my own moral dilemma out of the way, I started to genuinely enjoy your music.

First and foremost, I loved Haechan's look in We Boom era. Him in the suit, in the denim outfit, his hair up? Yes.

Secondly, Jeno and Jaemin. You are always together and even in your growth you are on par. I see the effort you're putting in your gym sessions…

Last but not least, Renjun. Hello, you turned fine. You had the mullet for a moment and I wasn't a huge fan but you still looked fine.

The 00 liners grew up good. I was barely into Dream but even I saw the differences. I was impressed and honestly, felt proud of you despite knowing none of you. Yet I felt affirmed that you’ve worked hard. And this was solely on your appearance alone.

We Boom was also my first journey in listening to your side tracks. And I loved every single one of them.

Again, the talk about graduation came back up. 4 members are meant to graduate by end 2019. What will become of NCT Dream?

We Boom is the first 6Dream album, will it be the last? It probably is?

We Boom had Best Friend and Dream Run. Somehow, it felt a lot like a goodbye message. A graduation gift in a sense. It made a lot of fans feel nostalgic for Mark. It made a lot of fans wonder the fate of Dream. You've worked hard, every single one of you. What's going to happen to all of that?

Soon, end of the year was approaching. However, there is still no news about Dream's fate.

BUT. SM decided to spring a Dream concert on the fans.

Some theories suggested it was to appease the fans who were getting antsy about the lack of news. Some suggested it was a ruse to give fans false hope before SM pulls the plug altogether on Dream. Some dreamt it was a sign they were continuing and not disbanding… soon there were (louder) chants for Dream to be a fixed unit.

I was never very bothered by the graduation concept as mentioned earlier. To me, even if the 00 liners had to graduate, I was fine. What I wasn't fine with: what is their next step?

The radio silence from SM was starting to err me. Fan worries online were also starting to get under my skin. Will Dream disband? As much as I love Haechan, I do admit it was unfair that only he has the clearest path. He had 127.

What about Jeno and Jaemin?

Jeno who had stepped up as the leader of the sextet. Who have so bravely led his team mates in his strong silent resilience.

Jaemin who is all smiles and love for his Czennies. Who had sat out an entire year of promotions to heal from a back injury and then dived straight back into their intense choreography and keeping up with his mates with smooth ease.

Then there were Renjun and Chenle; at least they had the possibility of WayV. And although that's a possibility that seemed so distant, at least it was possible.

Jisung was a rising dance machine. He raps well enough and has stable enough vocals that he has potential for a solo career if all goes south. Otherwise, he was still young enough to be able to sustain the Dream name, perhaps with a new set of members.

Either way, it was all the same. The future of these young teens were too uncertain.

Dream, you are seven youths with so much potential. This is solely on the pure fact that you are still so young. You've achieved so much but for your futures to be so vague felt extremely unfair.

And that's when I realise I will stand by Dream.

Sure, I used to gripe about our age differences. But  then I realised it was your youth that I should be supporting. It was the idea of everlasting friendship that should be preserved here.

Dream was so very much 7 members that even with Mark graduated, in that whole year of him not promoting with Dream, it still felt like he was there because you guys are literal friends with each other. You are not just colleagues that will part at the end of the day once work is done. You're legitimate friends.

And that is what I want to protect.

Call me nostalgic or old but being in a period of time in my life where my social relationships are starting to change as my friends get married and become attached, or grow more interested in building a family rather than finding a cute boy, I must have projected my own feelings of loss onto Dream.

Aren't y'all suppose to be the embodiment of youth, hope and (pardon the pun) dreams?

The bulk of that was formed during my teenage years for me, in the bonds I've created with my own group of girlfriends. The five of us have been together since 13 years old and although we never had the same intensity of an emotional rollercoaster that comes with stardom, I understand the reluctance to let go of a friendship that has lasted so long.

When I see the Dreamies have fun, joking around and sassing around, I am reminded of my girlfriends when we laze about and sass during our staycation.

When I see the Dreamies tired and exhausted but still so present for each other during practice and rehearsals, I am reminded of my girlfriends and the days we studied together for our national exams.

When I see the Dreamies cry because of an uncertain future, I see my girlfriends worried about the next stage of our lives and the fear of being unprepared.

That homely dependence; the family reliance on one another… these are sentiments that actually my girlfriends and I may not exactly feel. For as much as we've been friends for so long, we've never really had a tumultuous lifestyle.

But the Dreamies, you did. You had to be away from family, practice from dusk till dawn, sacrificed school experiences for idolhood, lose out on a 'normal teenage life'.

Sure, you chose this life. You've made your beds and now you must lie in it. What's inspiring is: you're so willingly diligent in doing so.

That, I feel is your most praiseworthy trait.

And I understand that you were able to do this because you've had each other.

And I feel so proud of that friendship you’ve made with each other.

So Dream, congratulations on your fourth year. Congratulations on all your hard work and sacrifices.

Remember, you are still young. You do not owe the world anything but to live your young lives well.

You've made so many sacrifices and earned scars along the way. But you've become better and stronger with them.

You taught me to treasure the friendship I have made in my youth and perhaps a little lesson or two about mourning the loss of friendship.

I wish you all the best. I want to hug you so much and pat you on your heads. And yet at the same time show you off like a proud parent.

I am sure your parents are all proud of you. Every single one of you.

Keep up your good work. You are doing well.

Remember to rest when you need to. You are only human and doing your best can only be meaningful if you are well and healthy.

Congratulations on becoming 7Dream again, I look forward to your comeback.

Keep at it, keep smiling, keep singing, keep dancing.

To Mark Lee, thank you for being the diligent leader to the Dreamies. You've led them well. Hopefully they don't trouble you too much now that you're back.

To Lee Jeno, thank you for being the pillar and unwavering captain of the ship. You have a strong presence about you but yet so gentle and considerate.

To Huang Renjun, thank you for your wisdom and efforts. You put in so much work in reaching out to your fans and listening to their troubles and worries.

To Lee Haechan, thank you Full Sun. You have been so hard working, haven't you. I know you like being busy and I feel relieved that you know too that you should rest well. Keep shining, love.

To Na Jaemin, ohmygosh you are so precious. You are so loving and so sweet. You deserve all the happiness in the world for the magnitude of kindness and compassion you exude.

To Zhong Chenle, thank you for your hard work. You seem to be so effortless in covering and carrying the vocals of your songs together with Renjun. Yet you are always doing it with your boisterous laugh.

To Park Jisung, thank you for your youth. You've spent your entire childhood in the industry and made many sacrifices, more than peers of your same age. Thankfully you've gotten friendship with your team mates and I hope you'll continue to receive all the love and support.

With love.

#NCT #nct dream #nct dream anniversary #nct mark #nct jeno #nct renjun #nct haechan #nct jaemin #nct chenle #nct jisung #yo dream #dear dream

[cowstiandior]

phew this rly is gonna be the first post I’ve made in like a year but. Like the others, time to pour my heart out I guess.

I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma. I’m still going through my trauma because every so often I learn things that I had no idea about whether it be because I blocked it out or just never thought about it in an abusive light. I guess, first thing’s first, to explain why a lot of this stuff impacted me in a huge way (not to say that it wouldn’t have otherwise, but.).

My biological father was emotionally and physically abusive. To me, to my sibling, to my mother and all his exe’s. He had mental illnesses that were left untreated like BPD, narcissism, and compulsive lying. When I was five, he tried to get me to believe that my mom was cheating on him with a friend of hers and that this guy was gonna steal her away. And I believed him and cried and screamed until my mom promised me that was the case. I only found out, in my late teens, that he was the one that had cheated. Constantly. Eventually they divorced and I moved with my mom to texas after the school year was finished because that gave her time to prepare a place to live for me. Unfortunately during that period where I still lived with my dad... he did a lot of things. And even though (apparently) my grandparents on my mother’s side tried to have me over as much as they could, there was still long amounts of times that I spent with my father.

He exposed me to a lot of shit I shouldn’t have been as a child. Movies with graphic violence and horror (I once had a panic attack when I lost a tooth because I thought that awful lady from darkness falls was gonna come and kill me), nudity and sex. Hell, anime that borderlined into straight up hentai. Only two years ago did I learn from my mother that she always thought my dad was sexually abusing me, but she never had the proof. And maybe she was right. Maybe he did, and I blocked some of it out. He showed me all that stuff, and I remember how he would cling to me in the bed he forced me to share with him and told me I was the only one that loved him and understood. He would buy and show me things I shouldn’t have been seeing and then told me not to tell my mother.

He once brought me over to one of his girlfriends and while I “slept” on the couch, he had sex with his gf right there in the living room just a foot away from where I was. He had only wait... what, five minutes? For me to fall asleep and didn’t even check if I had. I was facing the back of the couch so I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear all of it. I was too afraid to move or even breathe.

That on its own is a lot, but I’m sharing this to give some background into my feelings about this roleplay groups I was a part of over the years.

My first experience with rping was the alvin and the chipmunks oc community on yt. Which was a very niche thing on its own, but there were a LOT of people. It basically boiled down to us coloring over screencaps and fanart to make our ocs, make songs high-pitched and then vid our ocs using the pictures to the songs in wmm and pretending that was our ocs singing them. Some of us communicated via AIM to actually rp our ocs. At the time I was 11/12. I ended up rping with people much older than me, one of whom, the one I rped with the longest and had the greater attachment to, was 16. We rped smut with our ocs. I thought this was normal. They did it with others so why not me as well? They were popular and I was just starting out in the community, so if I did this, then I’d get more attention. And it worked. I got attention from people much older than me and I felt like I was a huge part of this community. All because one of my ocs fucked a more important person’s oc and they got together.

But eventually I fell out of it. I randomly found nondisney crossover videos on yt and began to watch them religiously. Like, really bad ones also made in wmm, but I thought they were so cool. This was way back before editors ever even dreamed of using AE to make seamless masks for their videos. I lefts the aatc group behind to try and make my own. I didn’t have much success until one of my videos blew up and I got a lot of subscribers. I still wasn’t part of what felt like a closely knit community, but I wanted to be. I made silly reaction videos of vidders getting jokingly ‘married’, I commented and liked others videos to try and get noticed by them. Because I was 13 and had no irl friends. 

Then ‘video rps’ began to be a thing. I instantly was enamored, and having experience in rping before, desperately joined. It was fun, at first! I started to connect with more people, they wanted to plot these stupid stuff ideas with me. Then the group decided to move to good ol’, fresh baby-faced tumblr. And I enjoyed that because, at the time, I thought I was a better writer than I was a vidder (news flash I wasn’t good at either of these things sdfkjdns). Somehow, after this move, I became really close with the mods. Both of whom were in the 20s while I was 14 (and just starting high school). One of them called me her ‘wifey’ and I went along with it and did the same. Because I liked the attention. I thought I was important even though, really, none of my characters except two were ever part of any large plots or got attention. They also talked about sexual things with me because my main oc was dating one of the mods’ oc. I remember them solely getting together because of ‘aphrodisiac dust’ too. 

And I’ll admit, I also kinda forced it on my side. The mod had her oc basically in a ‘love triangle’ between my and my friend meg’s ocs. Which is... honestly a Lot now that I think about it. She kept stringing us along, both me and meg being the same age too. So when I saw the oppurtunity of “hey my oc was forced to be really horny and if I get Jen’s oc to fuck mine, that would mean they’ll be together’! So that’s what I did. And it worked. And it was only way later once I really processed what I’d done that I felt like shit for what I did to meg. This adult had basically tried to get us to fight each other of this dumb fucking ship. Haha jokes on u jen, now they’re both lesbians and are dating.

Though before this, when my oc was dating another member’s, that ended... really badly when said member had her boyfriend raped by their other ocs. One the dash. With no warning. Not even telling me about that possibility. It made me feel sick. So I dropped them.

Anyways, yeah. In this rp group I was, once again, exposed to smut and sexual things by those that weren’t just older than me, but also adults. They tried to get me to turn on other people in the group. They were also homophobic which, at the time, had a huge impact on me since I was, even then, trying to figure out what and who I was.

Both mods were controlling, rude, and eventually, all of us decided to split off from them and move our ocs to a new but similar setting. This shift was lead by gansey, who became the new mod. I was also partially close to them, and given that at the time I thought they were a good writer and they were popular, I relished in that attention. I thought of them as an older sibling. But in the end they weren’t all that different from Jen and Usa, the previous mods.

Even back in TOW, Gansey had this strange fascination with cheating. Given that Jen’s oc and mine were dating, and gansey had this (understandable, at the time) hatred for her and Usa, they tried to get their main oc to be... really close with mine. Always close enough to cheating or being seen as romantic but never enough that they could apply plausible deniability to the situation. They even made this weird ‘au’ video of them together without talking to me about it. ...A lot of things were done without talking to me about it.

Their obsession with cheating even extended into TAR, where they kept hinting at one of their ocs being interest with another of mine despite Sonia being in a relationship with Shelly’s Archie. I thought, perhaps, that maybe they wanted it to become an open relationship or poly. And if they had talked about it with Shelly and I and we all agreed with it, that would have been fine. But such a thing was never brought up. When said character suddenly developed an evil demon personality, them trying to force their affection on Sonia became even more obvious. Only now the character had a proper ‘excuse’, being evil and whatnot.

Gansey really did have this weird thing for cheating, ruining other people’s ships, and also dubcon/noncon. And again, Gansey was an adult while I was in high school. These things Just Kept Happening. And even though I thought we were close at the time, I never really was involved in any of their big plots (or really anyone’s) unless it involved some of these concepts.

Eventually I started to talk a lot with Meg because we were the same age and had similar interests. This led to me talking with Shelly more and then Bonnie, Kyle, and Morgan. And I’m so grateful for that. People I had been so afraid of contacting on my own to talk to or be friends because of my insecurity due to everything else became huge parts of my life. For once I felt genuinely included and not just someone to be used by others. We came up with fun plots, character connections, etc. At this point I had both them and friends in high school. I had a place I felt I belonged. I still do. I love them so much. They’re basically family to me.

Anyways, as I got older, it became apparent there was this rift in the rp group. People being purposely excluded because they weren’t seen as ‘good’ rpers, or just because someone who wasn’t ever really active in the rp group didn’t like the other. AKA Roman hating kyle which resulted in him being excluded despite his attempts time and time again to include others lol. Obviously over the years, there wasn’t much left for me in that group outside of my friends. It was barely active anymore and outside of it interactions had become toxic. So it was understandable when Kyle and Meg decided to leave. Funny how once that happened, they only then decided to have an ‘open forum’, with everyone who was normally quiet coming out of the woodworks to bash my friends when they were no longer there.

Some of us called them out after that and left. Though not before we found out that they’d (gansey and their inner circle) been developing another rp setting called FAR (presumably the setting they attempted when they told everyone they were gonna have a 100 time-skip to shake things up, which ended up not happening bc a lot of the group was like wtf) and also added someone to the discord server that most of us didn’t know. This person had been there for months and Gansey never told us despite them being their friend. This was very upsetting because at that point all of in this group had been together for 8 years. We shared personal stuff in that discord server. Things that I’m sure we wouldn’t want strangers seeing. So yeah, a lot of us were upset!

Then Gansey and their friends dogpiled kyle for understandably being mad about being excluded and alienated. Then they dared to have the gall to message me saying they were terrible and sorry and that they’d always be there to listen if I wanted to talk.

So I talked. And what happened after that? Nada. Nothing. They never replied. They weren’t willing to face the hypocrisy of what they’d done.

In the end they had just been another manipulative adult that had only used me when they needed to. That tried to have our characters be sexual when I was just a teen.

All of you were adults. You should have known better. I admired you guys only to have that admiration used to control me. Fuck all of you. Fuck you for the way you treated my friends. Fuck you for having contributed to my trauma on top of everything else I’d experienced. Fuck you, gansey, for your manipulative ‘apology’. Fuck you for your dumb fucking poetry you thought we’d never see, comparing us to corpses and you to sisyphus.

Boo Fucking Hoo. 

You were never really sorry at all. None of you were. You’re were just ashamed you got caught on all your bullshit.

I was boo boo the fool for thinking I actually meant anything to you guys.

#csa tw #rape tw #noncon tw #dubcon tw #manipulation tw #this ended up being all over the place I'm sorry #Don't even know if this is even coherent #they're all real #i'm not even gonna fuckin use the other walrus tag fuck you

[mindmypensieve]

New Mirandy vid.

So for those of you who just recently started following me, you might not know that I used to be a hardcore Mirandy shipper. In fact I made several fanvids for them back when I was super obsessed with the pairing. I still do ship them and occasionally read Mirandy fanfic but I haven't really been active in the fandom for a long time.

I took a long hiatus from vidding partly because of crap I had going on in real life but also my laptop that I used for vidding suddenly up and died so I just stopped until quite recently when I became super inspired by Gentleman Jack and decided I wanted to make a vid for Anne & Ann.

Anyways, someone asked me recently if I would make another Mirandy vid and at first I was a bit reluctant because its been like eight years since my last Mirandy vid and I wasn't really sure if I was still up to it. But then I thought about all the youtube subscribers and tumblr followers who had been incredibly kind and supported all of my early vids and I decided that I should at least try for them. So here it is. Eight years later. I hope those people that are still with me from my Mirandy days enjoy it. Thanks for watching.

#mirandy #miranda x andy #miranda/andrea #miranda priestly #andrea sachs #the devil wears prada #tdwp #vidding #my stuff #meryl streep #anne hathaway