#none of this movie was in character but alas it is now canon so i gotta work with it

[intoloopin]

for @ofmanycol0rs !!!

Love had sent an ask about J.J's blonde party guy era but Tumblr tricked me into deleting it, so here is it my second attempt to talk about it as a post. I hate this Hell site mechanics more than anything, BUT! I am very passionate about this one topic as you can see by the size of THIS.

GIO.

I am making a little tangent here because this is a great opportunity to talk about J.J's blonde era as a general phenomenon, as well as do a little character deep dive into how Jiahang's mind works when the subject is his public appearance, because I'm yet to fully communicate just how business savvy and attention seeking he is at his core. These two characteristics were very integral to his nightlife downfall.

⤴️↪️ A MOMENT IN TIME: J.J's BLONDE ERA PITIFUL FINAL AESTHETIC. He is currently recovering from it successfully, but still. The horrors.

One thing that is key to understand about Jiahang is that he is NOT a team player, he wasn't raised by his social climber pageant mom and his millionaire movie director dad to be one. His long term goal is to stand on his own as an 'icon' - notice the use of 'icon' instead of 'musician' or 'artist' or even 'idol'. He wants everyone to see two Js put together in a sentence and immediately associate them with him (as in J.J Xu, not LOOPiN's J.J, and definely not as J.J from That Once LOONA Sibling Group), but he is realistic with his limitations: Jiahang is not a musical prodigy like Zhiming, or obsessed/respectful with the craft as Minwoo, or has the mental discipline to train himself to greatness like Haegon, and when you're in a group with people like that with ambitions like his, you're always in a competition.

To put it very bluntly: Jiahang is too clumsy to ever become more than an average dancer, he doesn't have an easy voice for singing and he can barely call himself a rapper. Artistic kills can't be the base of his brand, because that's what he sees his J.J stage persona as, a brand. He's not an artist. And if conventional talent can't be his selling point, he has to use what's naturally available to him - personality, a face widely considered to be attractive, a shitton of money, and an extremely sharp eye for business.

Seriously, the amount of marketing stunts he has pulled for and come up with for LOOPiN alone is NO JOKE. Jiahang understands the inner workings of the entertainment industry more than any of his bandmates, and that's his head start.

Now, on the hair. Jiahang has a very deep and sentimental history with his hair, a bit too extense to fully explain with this one post, but he's been wearing it very long since he was a child, because he loves it, and he was picked up on for it constantly. Keep growing it out despite everything what his first real way of asserting himself, and it's the one thing Jiahang is authentic with throughout - integrating it into his branding was essential to him.

He went about it very strategically: J.J never had a defined clothing style, instead, he goes out of his way to wear almost anything to prove that his hair doesn't automatically put him on a visual box, and there is no reason for him to sacrifice it for any gig. He won't be a long haired male Idol until someone tells him time's up, he will be The Definitive Long Haired Male Idol (and in canon he has succeed! Like, K-Pop knows he's the final boss).

A lot of iNSYNCs consider him one of LOOPiN's fashionistas for this plus all the design shit he has, side by side with Seungsoo and Haruki, but that title doesn't fit Jiahang at all. Haruki and Seungsoo have a genuine interest in fashion, while Jiahang has none, it's all performance. He simply wants a stable signature attached to him, something he can have the ultimate control of, and that he won't get bored of maintaining. Alas: his very, very adored long hair.

⤵️➡️ A DISSECTION OF J.J's BLONDE ERA (FEBRUARY 2022 - SEPTEMBER 2023)

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: (1&2) J.J's 'Punch' teasers, a shocking blonde debut. | (3&4) The overall lengths and colors Jiahang kept transitioning between in his day to day life. | (5&6) 'Mess' peeking through near the end, but integrated into his presenting style. | J.J's 'Beatbox - Street Beat Ver.' and 'Internet War - Tell Me What To Do' teasers.

(1&2): I can't even begin to describe how iNSYNCity completely STOPPED when the 'Punch' teasers started rolling out and J.J appeared not only fully blonde, but with these polarizing face covering bangs. The styling came fully out of his own brain, of course, and he wanted all the controversial attention right out of the gate to plant the seeds of the 'elevation' of his stage persona. He wanted 2022 to be his year SO BAD;

(3&4): Up until that point in his career, Jiahang had his hair straight, ironed out to perfection even when he dyed it anything else than his usual black and brown, but while blonde he always kept it very wavy to drawn an even bigger contrast with his former Idol branding;

(5&6): Oh, mid 2023... The roots showing... The messy teeny tiny ponytails... The color... You can clearly see a lack of polish that is very unusual of him. Jiahang wore a lot, and I mean A LOT of hair extensions during this era right here, mostly to cover up how fucking fried his hair was starting to look due to low maintenance (Dongwook and CIA made fun of him if he showed up Too Put Together at the clubs, and after a while it really started to get to him). He adopted a very edgy Y2K style to try to make it all seem intentional, even had stylized black highlight for a while, but Jiahang felt like he wasn't fooling anyone - it didn't appear as such to the public, lucky him. This is pretty much how he looked until he fully cut off his nightlife circle of "friends" in September, and dyed his hair back to black;

(7&8): Ah, his last blonde official teasers... What a way to go. Blonde J.J had such a dramatic styling but that was very well translated into all the eras he was on, he never looked out of place. That's why even the general public now considers this run to be very iconic, as he wanted. But at what personal cost, Jay?! AT WHAT COST?!

I am still debating on how his 'clean era' looks like. I'm not sure if he would just dye his hair black and cut off the bits that look Horrible (J.J!Bayi) or if this whole experience fucked him up so bad that Jiahang would cut it pretty short and grow it back from the begging, for the healings (J.J!Didi), but anyways! He is doing better <3 currently <3 not for long <3 like at all <3 he is about to get very fucked up by the narrative <3 but on the bright side (????) that means that he'll have another very Intense hair moment, and spoiler alert, it'll look a lot like this (in Vibes, the length is still something I don't know 😁)

#&& ⠀ [ . . . ] hound on a hunt ⠀⸻ q&a . #&& ⠀ [ . . . ] hound on a hunt ⠀⸻ development . #&& ⠀ [ . . . ] hound on a hunt ⠀⸻ j.j . #fictional idol community #fake kpop group #kpop au #kpop fanfic #kpop oc

[princess-ibri]

Ok! You (that one anon) asked for Canon Descendants Eddie, the son of Edgar Balthazar the Butler from the Aristocats, and here he is!

As luck would have it Edgar had a deleted love interest already, a maid called Elvira, so I just pulled her back in to canon to explain Eddie here. Not going to change his name as Edgar "Eddie" Jr makes perfect sense for the time period/character of Edgar.

I'm thinking that Eddie and Elvira already exist during the events of Aristocats, but Eddie is off at school or with relatives for the summer. Elvira either works at another household or we just don't see her. Possibly she and Edgar are seperated due to money troubles? Which gives a whole new dimension to him wanting to get the inheritance if he's got a family out there.

(If this were a later Disney movie I'd just make the plot that Elvira is trying to get Edgar to marry her like her og plot, but I doubt 1970s Disney would be ok with the presence of a child born out of wedlock, none of that till Ratatouille)

Anyway Elvira would end up rescuing him from suffocating in the trunk being shipped to Timbuktu and they'd make up and Edgar would finally buy her a proper wedding ring or something.

Also, I knew I wanted to include an Aristocat Descendants for Eddie to befriend, as Madame talks about Duchess and O'Malley having kittens I felt I had that leeway. And during my research into Aristocats concept art I found out they almost made a modernized tv show ala the 101 Dalmatians show for the kittens, which would have featured a new kitten named Delaney , who sure looks like an O'Malley kitten so I gave him a canon redesign too and now Eddie makes an unlikely friend :)

Concept art I found online, with thanks to Colinlooksback on YouTube for letting me know of it's existence in the first place

#my art #canon descendants #edgar balthazar #the aristocats #disney #disney concept art #other people’s awesome art #deleted disney characters #descendants #disney descendants #DisneyVerse #disney next gen

[oathkeeperoxas]

tag game to better know you

Ty @new-anon for tagging me! What else to do on a cold Monday morning public holiday then fill out a questionnaire about myself 🤔

What book are you currently reading?

The Wright Brothers by David McCullough Definitely has nothing to do with the fact that we can see this book on Ice's shelf next to the photo of him and Mav shaking hands after rescuing the USS Layton...

What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I have only seen the new Spiderman (literally 2 days ago) so I guess that! I think it was pretty good, but tbh I liked the first one more.

What do you usually wear?

Pokemon or bird themed t-shirt paired with shorts or my high school gym trackies if it's cold. I have one green overcoat that I wear pretty much any time I need a jacket, it is very versatile in what weather it can be worn in.

How tall are you?

170cm, that's 5 foot 6 inches to those USAmericans in the audience (had to google that...)

What’s your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

I don't know any celebrities off the top of my head that I share a birthday with, and the only historical event I connect immediately with my birthday is a bad one lmao. Though it happened in the 1920s, so mostly only relevant when I was studying history in high school...

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

Serie! Fun fact, I made this name up on the spot randomly when playing Facebook games as an 11 year old and the RPG ones wanted me to input a name. I have been stuck with it ever since.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

My current job didn't even exist when I was a child, so, no!

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

No relationship, and I have not had a crush since high school pff

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

Good at procrastinating, bad at resisting the lure of more wips 🙏 this makes for a wild combination haha

Dogs or cats?

Probably cats, but I am allergic to cats and dogs (and most fluffy creatures) so I don't have any pets :(

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

Probably my favourite things that I've posted this year was Dawn and well. haha. (nuts) because they were both very self-indulgent in a way that I always enjoy writing with codywan, though for very very different reasons.

What’s something you’d like to create content for?

I want to write more Aloy femslash!! I've written so much for her, but none really with the characters from the new game, and now with a canon femslash kiss under her belt, I think she deserves to be a wlw icon. Next year for femslash February I'm thinking of trying to organise a Horizon event to get some momentum not just for me but for others to create too

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

Val Kilmer's jaw.........

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

I can maybe half say the Horizon: Forbidden West DLC - I liked the overarching plot well enough, and they gave Aloy a lesbian kiss so I'm not too mad, but it carried over almost all of the issues from production that the base game had, which I was keen to see fixed in the DLC. That and the lack of backstory for Seyka or the Quen, the lack of side quests and the lack of interesting stuff to do in the wilds of the DLC made it a bit of a mediocre experience for me (though after HFW I wasn't expecting anything too good anyway).

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

Not sure if it's hidden, but I'm particularly good at spotting double spaces in a document. Pisses me off (it's my editor brain going haywire... my team is always making fun of me for this at work lmao)

Are you religious?

Nope!

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

Someone to make me breakfast </3 alas after I post this I will simply have to do it myself

Tags?

@elwenyere @tragediegh @playablekairi @cillyscribbles if you like! No pressure ofc

#calling cheese as I wrote one of my fav fics for you #i would tag turtle as i wrote the other for her but not sure of her tumblr... #this is why people should have only one username across every site rip i cannot keep 3443342 names straight in my head #tag games #personal

[worldweaverofmediocrity]

Isekai Quartet Reacts ch6

An: I'm using the OVAs for Subtitles of the songs only, because I believe they are non-canon. That and because I don't find the first one funny. If you haven't read the first interlude before this, go back and read it. Also just finished the isekai quartet movie as my new year's celebration (Dec 31 of 2022). And Re zero’s timeline just got a whole lot more complicated. Because they now have season 2 development/powers, and at the end both Otto and Garfiel join the school.

THAT’s excluding the only semi-cannon of Alec Hoshin (Re zero) appearance who made the nation where Anatasia came from and is her namesake. AND the only appearance of Glittering Angel Neko Nyan-san (Overlord) who is the Wind God of the Slane Theocracy. Because his hair is blue and blue is associated with wind in Marumya’s mind. AND Alec dropped even more fuel for the Subaru=Flugel/Emilia=Satella/Repeating World Cycle ala Hinduism Theories.

BECAUSE OF FUCKING COURSE HE DID! WHY CAN’T SUBARU AND EMILIA JUST BE THEMSELVES WITHOUT ALSO BEING A CHARACTER FROM PRE-CALAMITY! …or maybe Tappei is an extreme Legend of Zelda fanboy. But hey, we get solid confidence and character building from Ainz. So everything is a net positive. Overall, I enjoyed it more than Avatar: Way of Water. Also if anyone is decent at buddhism or zen buddhism, plz respond. 

>.> don’t know if I’ll go back to rewrite but. I’ve decided that Cocytus lying down is too demeaning to him, so he’s now in an indented seat in the ground, with the floor reaching his chest. 

Got a job on March 27 2023, so I now do eight hour work shifts for 3 days of the week. In the meantime, my other fic Isekai Heroes has become the longest running IQ fic clocking in over 10 chapters. I also completed all 22 volumes of Shield Hero for that story, and read more of the Overlord LNs for that. Currently I am in the process of reading the entirety of Overpowered Hero. …finished Overpowered, and wow it got very “Tonight’s Episode: The Author’s Barely Disguised (Public Humiliation) Fetish.”

Also Seiya is not a planet buster like Vegeta. When placed into a distorted world (thanks Goddess of Atrocity) that (he thought) had absolutely no impact on the true world of Geaebrande, he didn’t blow up the planet. So, (so far at least) all mentions of blowing planets up are hyperbole. Like Reinhard cutting/destroying the world and then recreating it as a side effect of Killing the Beast of the End.

As a side effect of having to constantly pause/I watched and rewatched this anime too many times thus none of the jokes are landing and I don’t know where I should have the characters be laughing.

---------------

A series of irrigated grain paddies was shown. Frogs/another farm ambiance animal made their noises. Another bit of farmland was shown near what was presumably Kazuma’s house. A blurry computer screen was shown before Kazuma raised his hand and tugged on his sleeve.

“There we go…” Kazuma said.

The camera zoomed out to look down at Kazuma and his room. Many books/mangas were shown via their spine art from behind Kazuma and his dual monitor computer.

“I normally shut myself in at home, but unusually for me, today I made up my mind to go out.” Kazuma thought while more of his room was shown.

A closer perspective showed that there were game cases mixed in with the presumed manga. In addition next to his computer were two slimes from Dragon Quest, a magical girl, an anthro cat, a dog wearing sunglasses that might have been female judging by the placement of the flower on its head. An anthro pig next to a shank of meat.

“Why do you have those blue slimes?” Seiya asked. “Only Gaebrande has them.”

Kazuma turned to look him in the eye. “How did you miss the genre defining masterpieces known as Dragon Quest? They basically made a lot of the conventions of the Japanese RPG game.”

“That’s what I said!” Ristarte threw up her arms.

Seiya rubbed his nose. “What you said was [Ah, there’s still a Japanese person who doesn’t know what a slime is.], you didn’t name drop anything.”

“So you have heard of Dragon Quest?!” Ristarte twitched her head. “Then how did you not see the slimes, they are basically the poster figures of the Dragon Quest Franchise!”

The chat log scrolled by, unfortunately untranslated. Kazuma zipped up his tracksuit. Kazuma nodded to himself, picked up his backpack, and walked out of his bedroom.

“All to get my hands on the first-run limited edition-” Kazuma closed his door and the scenery changed to a bridge over a small valley. “Of a popular online game that goes on sale today.”

Time passed as we faded from back and to a faucet above a pond or puddle with tadpoles in it. A bus passed to reveal a happy Kazuma clutching the aforementioned game’s cover. 

“A five hour round trip! I’m glad I was able to buy it.” Kazuma said.

I believe the main theme music is played with piano notes.

“In store exclusives, officials or not, really are playing dirty.” Kazuma commented, slightly glaring at the game he just brought.

Kazuma squinted as the sun blared its presence to all within its gravity well. “This sunlight is my worst enemy after three straight all-nighters.” Kazuma thought while using his hand to block the sun.

“Are you sure you got the right game? Because you should already be hallucinating by then.” Tanya asked.

“How the hell did your body not cave in at the first excuse for sleep like mine did?” Subaru asked.

“Considering there was a massive line, yes I am sure I got the correct game. The hallucination, you’ll see later. Regarding the sleep thing, sports drinks.” Kazuma answered.

Kazuma turned his back on the sunlight and staggered his way home. A highschool girl was walking towards Kazuma and a Truck was gaining ground.

“Time to get home and play the hell out of this.” Kazuma thought.

The girl was happily walking by looking at her cream-covered smartphone. Kazuma walked past her and moved his eyes to glance back at her.

“A girl from my highschool?” Kazuma asked himself.

“High school?” Raphtalia asked.

“Because of the sheer amount of stuff discovered in the Renaissance and Industrial Eras, we’ve had to group education into various age groups.” Naofumi said. “For Japan schooling starts as young as three years old in the Preschool, where the basic Hiragana script and other basic essentials are taught. From preschool we start with the compulsory and government paid public schools. Unless you are rich enough to afford a private school.

In elementary schools we learn a decent chunk of our knowledge considering it starts when we are 6 years old and goes on for 6 years. Though because it only reaches the titular elementary stuff not many organizations fund elementary level schooling and the government pays for over 90% of them. Then there is the final compulsory school for 3 years called the Junior High School. These are noteworthy because they have even fewer private schools than elementary schools and the fact that all of them require their own uniforms.

High Schools however require exams to enter and tuition for the three years that you are there. But do their best to apply the finishing touches to your education and prepare you to enter college where you can study to become lawyers or merchants and other ‘high society’ type positions.”

Emilia giggled. “That’s what I feel like my current education is.”

“Why do you think I am such a nagger at taking breaks, hm?” Subaru asked, left eyebrow raised.

Emilia bowed to his wisdom. 

“The government paid for most of that education?!” Satoru said in his mind. “Perhaps mom wouldn’t have died if the government or corps paid for that.”

Kazuma and the music halted as he saw something offscreen. In the midst of the glaring sunlight, Kazuma saw Truck-Kun barreling through the fields directly towards the highschool girl.

“Look out! That truck’s going to-” Kazuma shouted as he pushed the girl out of the way.

Though Truck-Kun’s true form as a tractor did pass the screen as the camera rapidly filtered between all three members of this accident.

The more prospective members of the theater noticed the change.

“Oh good, he didn’t actually get reaped by Truck-kun.” Tanya thought.

“Why did the trophy for killing over ten thousand human players appear here?” Ainz thought.

Kazuma’s backpack leapt off his back, spilling the game he so desperately wanted. Leaving Kazuma, the girl, and his items hanging in the air in the supposed headlights. The cloudy blue sky was shown.

“Why would I choose now, of all times, to do something so out of character?” Kazuma asked himself.

The game case flipped open dramatically, spilling its contents. A dark purple/brown haired knight figurine, the manual, and the actual CD case all shown in the sunlight. The box had the title of Mrtiad or Myriad (with a sword replacing the r?) Swords II. The CD case fell down to reveal the figurine knight in the front. To the left was a blond haired person wearing a black blindfold and steel-gray armor. To the right was a blond woman wearing golden bikini armor. And behind them all was the stereotypical Old Man Detity.

DVD static played as it faded to white. More DVD screen tearing/static played as Kazuma jerked back into awareness. He was sitting on a red-cushioned chair which was on a very soft/low saturation chess board. Gray mist hung close to the ground, and faint spots of light were shown. Across from Kazuma was a white chair with a white nightstand next to it and a red book upon the night stand.

“Wait, this means that I, a literal skeleton-appearing undead, am the only one out of the main Protags to die?!” Satoru screamed in his mind.

Heels clicked as Aqua walked on screen. Stylishly showing off her sex appeal, though in the most modest way Konosuba will ever be.

“Satou Kazuma-san.” Aqua said elegantly as she walked past Kazuma. “Welcome to the afterlife.”

Megumin and Darkness just sat there resisting the sway of Aqua’s voice.

“That hair ornament, it's the molecular structure of water right?” Satoru questioned.

Those who knew what a molecular structure was twitched and looked at Aqua better.

Aqua merely had an insanely smug grin on her face. “The others I can understand, but you Kazuma? How you could miss the obvious for so long and you call me an idiot!”

Kazuma blushed heavily. 

Those unaware of molecules deduced that it was the smallest instance of Water possible.

“Water is associated with purity and life, among other things. So she’ll definitely be the most troublesome of our fellow schoolmates, regardless of her personality.” Demiurge and Albedo thought. “Though I doubt she would be so foolish as to break a non aggression treaty that she offered. Through the wisdom of the Supreme Beings, we should have enough Water Breathing Rings to counteract any drowning attempts. …assuming her water doesn’t behave like acid to the undead and unholy, especially not Lord Herohero grade.”

“I doubt our ‘Divine’ Level equipment will hold up against an actual Goddess.” Satoru thought.

Mare frowned. “Would most of my spells have even worked on her? Petite Disaster will have worked anyways but that costs so much mana, and if that doesn’t work then I am useless damage wise.”

“Will her body fluids have the Holy aspect to them?” Shalltear thought.

“Please don’t be as insane as the other three Heroes.” the Shield Cast pleaded.

“So that's why her ‘complaint’ was about water.” The Re zero cast thought.

“Unfortunately, you passed away moments ago.” Aqua continued. 

A lens flare-heavy blue cube rotated in place behind the nightstand as Aqua sat down. The camera looked at Kazuma from above Aqua’s head.

“Your life was a short one, but you are, in fact, dead.” Aqua said. 

Aqua had her best 'Customer Service’ Smile applied.

“Just one question…” Kazuma started. “What about the girl I pushed out of harm's way?”

“She’s alive.” Aqua said.

Kazuma breathed a sigh of relief and placed a hand against himself. “Thank goodness.”

Kazuma’s eyes glittered in tears of relief. “That means my death wasn’t in vain.”

Aqua tilted her head in confusion, either hearing Kazuma’s thoughts or guessing from her knowledge of humans. Aqua’s legs were shown as she uncrossed them, the pussy flash/pantyshot never manifesting.

“Actually, she never would have gotten hurt,” Aqua said. “Even if you had never pushed her out of the way.” The soft angelic choir stopped.

Kazuma jerked his head upwards to look at Aqua, the music cut as well. “Huh?”

Aqua opened the red book and read. “That tractor was going to stop before it hit her.”

Kazuma leaned forward. “Huh? Wait a second.”

Emilia frowned. “Does no good deed go unpunished in this theater?” Emilia shook her head. “Don’t be so pessimistic, just because she didn’t need saving doesn’t invalidate the feelings behind Kazuma’s actions. …like I did with Subaru.” 

Aqua curled into her recliner, cringing at what she did. Kazuma leaned over and fiddled with her hair, providing slight comfort for the both of them.

“She let out her actual personality and that’s why Kazuma took her down to my world, didn’t she?” Darkness and Megumin thought.

Aqua leaned closer, “What is it?”

Kazuma’s eyes vibrated as he struggled to comprehend. “[Tractor]?”

A loud rumble like Truck-kun going on an overpass played as a fade to white showed the scene that actually happened. A white and beige truck’s cargo trailer was shown in the distance. An old man in a wide brimmed khaki colored hat in gray and brown clothes, slowly driving his tractor.  The girl blissfully on her phone, confident that the old man knew what he was doing.

“Yes, it was a tractor.” Aqua narrated.

Another flash showed the old man and girl waving at each other.

Kazuma leaned even farther forward. “Huh? Then what happened? Did I die by getting plowed over by a tractor?”

“No, you died of shock.” Aqua explained.

“How did you die from surprise, when medical shock is just a faulty blood flow.” Tanya thought.

A camera shutter sound effect played as Kazuma was shown on the pavement. His eyes blank, mouth wide and drooling, arms flailed in imagined pain.

“You mistakenly thought a truck ran over you.” Aqua narrated.

Kazuma jerked back, impacting his chair. “I died of shock?!”

Aqua held a hand up to her lips as she held in her first laugh. She collapsed back into her chair, hands futilely gesturing Kazuma to stop. Only to give in and let out a belly-clenching laugh. A massive pure hearted grin on her face and her knees bouncing from the force of her laughter.

“Yep, there’s the Aqua we know.” Darkness and Megumin said, hanging their heads.

Ristarte let out a deep sigh. “Are Satoru and I the only good-hearted divinities in this room?”

Aqua curled tighter into her ball of shame, shuffling herself to avoid Naofumi’s glare.

“Her humbling has yet to take hold of her, perhaps we could have served that role.” Albedo and Demiurge thought.

“Ah, false gods.” the military records, save Tanya thought.

“Right, going to practice my anti-’divine’ techniques on her, then Weaver.” Tanya thought.

Kazuma's eyes almost rivaled his corpse’s eyes in how much they were dead inside and utterly appalled at Aqua.

“I’ve been doing this for a long time,” Aqua wiped away a tear of pure joy. “But you’re the first human to ever die in such a bizarre way.”

“Because it’s a physical impossibility.” Tanya said. “Medical Shock refers to blood not reaching vital organs. And while sleep deprivation is rarely fatal, the fatalities don’t manifest as that. 24 hours without sleep makes your hand eye coordination worse, impaired judgment and decision making, altered perception, and just because nature is a cruel mistress, tremors/spasms in your limbs!” Tanya glared at Kazuma. “So, by staying up that long, you actively got worse at the thing you were trying to do.”

“Oi, it seemed like it was a good idea at the time!” Kazuma defended his past self.

Ristarte frowned, remembering some stories of the medical field. “Yeah that's what they always say on why there is an eel or glass bottle up their ass.”

A beat that sounded like cards being shuffled played. Aqua bent over her armrest, closer to the red book and laughed into her hand some more.

“I’ve never even met this girl before. What’s her deal?” Kazuma the neet blissfully unaware of Customer Service Jobs.

Kazuma hunched into himself out of sheer anger. 

The old man, his presumed wife, and several police looking EMTs were looking at Kazuma’s passed out figure. His wet spot in the center of the camera’s view.

“You were so terrified that you’d be run over, you wet yourself.” Aqua explained through further laughter.

The hospital was shown with Kazuma’s ambulance in the drop off zone. 

“You passed out and were taken to a nearby hospital,” Aqua said. 

Four heads were barely visible through the fifth overhead light. The doctor in the upper left had a hand in front of their face, eyes closed like they were coughing. The nurse in the bottom left was doing the same at a different angle. The doctor in the bottom right was adjusting their glasses. The nurse in the upper right was the only one showing proper human compassion as demanded by their profession.

“And the doctors and nurses laughed at you as you had a heart attack-” Aqua said.

“You could have just said heart attack and medical malpractice.” Satoru suggested, rubbing his temples.

“And medical shock would just be a symptom of the heart attack, I suppose.” Beatrice said, also rubbing her temples.

Kazuma leaned fully back in his chair, covering his ears and futilely trying to kick away the bad news. “Stop! I don’t wanna hear it!”

Aqua got up and walked over as Kazuma repeated himself as futilely tried to shake the words out of his head. Aqua’s face slid next to Kazuma’s, hand held up to provide a conspiratorial shield. “Your family just rushed to the hospital, and now even they’re laughing out loud at the cause of death.”

“Oi.” Puck, the resident bad father, proclaimed his displeasure.

Megumin and Darkness, both being an older sister/cousin, frowned. Aqua curled even deeper into her ball of shame. Naofumi snapped his glare towards the screen.

“The hell!” Naofumi thought.

“Oi.” Albedo, the resident bad mother, proclaimed her displeasure. “Leave stuff for me to do.”

Ainz, the parent with no disciplinary bone in his body, merely breathed a deep sigh of disappointment into his hands. “This right here is what I am trying to avoid with my tomb.”

The rest of the room merely sat in disgusted silence.

Kazuma became a bobblehead out of sheer not wanting to know. “Stop! Stop!”

“Well…” Aqua flicked her hair and her Hagamoro dissolved into bubbles. “I’ve vented enough stress for now.”

Kazuma made a teary eyed angry face. “Damn her!”

The music started tinkling and the soft choir resumed. 

“My name is Aqua.” the goddess finally introduced herself. “I’m a goddess who guides humans who die young to the afterlife.”

Kazuma attentively listened but was still marred by her asshole tendencies.

“You have two choices.” Aqua explained. “You can start from square one with a new life, or you can go to heaven and carry on like an old man.” Aqua’s boobs bounced as she bent over and raised her conspiratorial hand shield once more. “To tell you the truth, Heaven isn’t the dreamy place you all imagine it to be.” She said shyly looking around like she would be punished for speaking out.

“Huh?” Kazuma asked around Aqua’s pantyless booty.

“Not only is there no TV, there are no manga or games, either.” Aqua explained. “You don’t even have a physical body,” the camera left the booty shot to focus on Aqua’s mouth. “So you can’t do anything sexual, either.”

Kazuma, being a sexual person, had his face scarred with shock and disappointment, maybe even a hint of despair. The camera also felt despair and reverted to the previous booty angle.

“There’s nothing to do there but bask in the sun for all of eternity.” Aqua explained.

“What?” Kazuma voiced his displeasure.

Aqua got up in Kazuma’s face and did a miniature nod. “Yeah, you don’t want to go to a boring place like Heaven, do you?”

Kazuma, having fully converted into a neet and having his personal space breached, looked away and blushed. “Uh, right…”

Aqua got even closer to Kazuma’s face, providing ship fuel. “On the other hand, starting over from square one isn’t so fun, either.” Now their noses were roughly a centimeter apart. “On that note, I’ve got a great offer for you.” Aqua leaned back slightly, “You like games, don’t you?”

“Huh?” The sheer confusing mess that was Aqua made Kazuma forget about the Isekai Craze.

Aqua stood up to her full height, placed a hand over her heart, and stretched out her other arm to the max. Dramatic/talk show piano music played.

“That world, which has long enjoyed peace,” Kazuma raised an eyebrow at Aqua’s display.

Megumin and Darkness snorted.

“That was true roughly 700 years ago.” Megumin explained to the room. “Before our current Demon King was born and gained access to the Demon King Class.”

“Ah, so not a single terrible dynasty.” Zettour said, sighing as he comprehended the problem.

Megumin nodded. “Indeed the previous dynasty was founded by a fallen hero, so it's not even limited to the infernal races.”

The others winced as containment before neutralization just got harder.

“Would Flugel’s bones be able to contain the class, like they could for the Sloth Authority?” Beatrice thought to herself. “Or another world’s Flugel?”

“And why hasn’t that world experienced an industrial revolution and thus have easy access to an equalizer such as guns?” Ristarte smiled with sharp edges. “It's not because of your Heaven suppressing the knowledge needed for that, is it?”

Aqua turned to her with a supremely offended face. “The Mobile Fortress Destroyer pushed back the tech level. So there was an era of post industrialization, but sadly the Destroyer is one of, if not the only, piece of tech that still exists from that era.”

“So yes, you did by proxy.” the rest of the room thought.

“Wouldn’t there be a non-magical damage limit?” Shalltear asked, finger on her chin.

Shalltear’s lamprey form was shown riddled with arrows and various other weaponry, but was undamaged.“Oh, fuck you!” Visha said. “Why do you follow that logic?”

“Do it yourself, you coward.” Shalltear smugly replied while looking into Visha’s eyes.

“Eh, the Demon King does have a version of that, but it's weaker and we don’t have a convenient way of mass producing explosives.” Darkness said looking down to her left hip remembering her father’s lessons. 

“Hm, would Dynamite and/or Napalm work on him?” Satoru asked, the nagging concern of technology outpacing magic reared its head.

“I think so, but again no way to manufacture those in sufficient quantities.” Aqua frowned and crossed her arms as she remembered her metaphysic lessons.

“As for the logic I was talking about, it means she can only be harmed by sufficiently magical things like silver or healing potions.” Vishia explained.

Use guns to explain the Skill Floor and Great Filter ideas. Tanya wrote in her notebook.

“Is being threatened by the Demon King’s Army.” Aqua continued. 

The camera zoomed into Aqua’s face, tilted upwards to give an imperialist/gracious air to Aqua. “The livelihoods its citizens have worked for are being trampled by monsters.”

Aqua pivoted in place, moving her arms and putting on a despairing air. With a click an angelic stage light turned on and bathed Aqua in its glow, who was praising the sun with her arms in an upwards Y. “Everyone lives in fear of the Demon King’s Army’s merciless pillage and slaughter!”

Aqua’s hair jiggled and mimicked a dog’s tail wagging. “...Slaughter!

Kazuma gulped in nervousness. Aqua held her pose and smiled for another few seconds before dropping them to lean closer to Kazuma once more.

“Since that’s the sort of world it is, everyone is refusing to be reborn, so the population is declining because of infertility.” Aqua explained.

“If you can not grow new souls in mass. My world has literal piles of dead orphans that I had to go past to get to work. And said piles were new every week, if not every day.” Satoru wrote in his notebook to remind himself to offer Aqua.

“I see…” Kazuma lied about his comprehension.

Aqua had a cute angle pose before turning sideways and shrugging. “So we decided, [Why not send people who’ve died in other worlds with their bodies and memories intact?]-”

“That’s resurrection, not reincarnation.” Tanya was visibly trying to control her anger.

Aqua looked Tanya in the eyes and merely said, “Zen Buddhism.”

Tanya’s argument hitched and collapsed out of existence, causing a physical hiccup.

“Zen Buddhism is the second major religion of Japan and was primarily worshiped by the Samurai. It had a cycle of reincarnation, as in reborn in an infant body after dying, that you progressed in called Samsara. After so many lives full of dedication, you were supposed to reach Nirvana, Buddhism’s version of Aqua’s Heaven. But in Samsara you grow stronger with each life judged by how much you have achieved enlightenment.” Subaru explained once he realized that Tanya wouldn’t.

“Ah, so that's why you praised their timing. The Buddha is that religion’s god?” Ram asked, remembering his praise of the Buddha as she slipped into slumber when they were retrieving her foolish twin.

“Eh, yes and no, because if you reach sufficient enlightenment you can become your own Buddha and/or fuse with the Original Buddha.” Subaru explained, wiggling his left hand. “That and everything and everyone including the Buddha are all illusions, thus you want to break free by embracing nothingness and being true to yourself. At least that was in Zen Buddhism, in more Orthodox/the Original Denomination of Buddhism, Nirvana was simply the best afterlife (which functioned as rest stops in the cycle of reincarnation) that you could unlock.”

Ram slowly rubbed her temples. “If everything is an illusion, then nothing is.”

“Mostly it’s an existentialism thing but over all, Zen buddhism making sense died with the samurai at Shiroshima.” Tanya shrugged. “As for why I know the difference now, resurrection is one of the main tenets of Christianity, whose focal point of worship is Europe.”

“Ah, the wonders of sectoral differences.” Lergen said.

Ram and Cocytus scribbled in: Buddhism and it’s sects.

“What’s the point in sending me there if I’m just going to be killed?” Kazuma asked, visibly unsure.

“That’s why I’m doing you a big favor.” Aqua said from off screen.

A soft beat played as Aqua was shown once more with a hand gently raised. 

“I’m granting you the right to bring any one thing of your choosing with you.” Aqua doomed herself to roughly a year and a half of struggle. Aqua crossed her arms and winked. “It could be a powerful weapon, or a tremendous talent.”

The two of them were shown from Kazuma’s book of the dead’s perspective.

“You’ll be able to redo your life with all your original memories.” Aqua said, raising her opposite hand and bobbling slightly towards Kazuma. “To top it off, you can bring one thing of your choosing!”

The camera slightly zoomed in as the world connecting portal swirled open behind Kazuma. 

“And the people of the parallel will earn someone battle-ready to help them.” Aqua said. “Not a bad deal, don’t you think?”

Crystalline chimes played as Kazuma closed his hands.

“Um, I want to ask something.” Kazuma said. 

Aqua was shown in a neutral but attentive pose.

“Will I be able to speak this other world’s language?” Kazuma asked.

A kazoo-like thing or synth something played as Aqua pulled up a booklet out of thin air.

“That won’t be an issue.” Aqua said.

We were shown the insides of the book, specifically a page titled Parallel World Reincarnation Guide and Contract. With the subtitle being: The First Ever Parallel World Guide! (For Shut-ins). Unhelpfully the book was mostly untranslated. Though there was an infographic of a soul either going to Heaven or becoming a hero after being run over.

Tanya sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Kazuma was shown hesitantly reading the book with Aqua guiding his vision. Aqua’s eyes were cut off by the letterboxing,  putting her in a sultry and sinister light.

“With the kind support of us gods,” Aqua said. “We’ll overload your brain so you’ll be able to learn it instantly.”

Kazuma’s eyes widened as he heard that and found the fine print section. Said fine print being: Caution! Because the process of installing the ability to speak the parallel world’s language into the one who wishes to be reincarnated there (henceforth referred to as “Reincarnated”) requires instantaneous overloading of the hippocampus and cerebral cortex (henceforth referred to as “Brain”), Reincarnated’s Brain may, in rare cases, lose certain faculties (go “p**f”). Should this occur, according to Article 1296 Clauses 2 and 5 and Article 2051 Clause 3, Reincarnated may not hold those responsible for his reincarnation accountable.

The room just stared at Aqua.

“We do heal the injured.” Aqua defended herself, curling up slightly.

“Sheesh, I thought my Unified Divine Realm had the legalese.” Ristarte muttered.

“Why not an auto-translation effect?” Satoru asked with a finger raised.

“We do not have a god of languages.” Aqua said. “It was either this or having the Reincarnated unable to communicate at all. Unless we went with the actual reincarnation thing, but then the primary objective of the battle-ready unit is completely negated.”

Satoru sighed and lowered his finger.

“Teacher, what was the plan if Subaru couldn’t speak our language?” Roswaal thought, smiled sharp and eyes closed.

“As a side effect,” Aqua said as she used a hand to cover the fine print. “You might just go “poof” if you’re unlucky though.”

Tanya glared at Aqua. “I can see why your superiors kicked you out of Heaven.”

Kazuma was glaring at the fine print through Aqua’s hands.

“So all that leaves you to do is to choose a powerful ability or piece of equipment.” Aqua’s Customer Service Smile was back in full force. 

Kazuma dragged his glare to meet Aqua’s closed eyes as the instrument stopped. “I just heard you mention something really serious. What do you mean, [poof]?”

Audio-visual sparkles radiated from Aqua’s Customer Service Smile. “I never said that.”

“Yes, you did.” Kazuma said as the sparkles faded.

Trumpets played as Aqua twirled in the air with a stupid amount of sparkles forming wings.

“Now, choose!” Aqua commanded as she bent over backwards.

Sheets of paper fell down around her. A sword with stony protrusions from its back edge was shown on a descriptive pamphlet, two shadowy-swords show that it was a weapon-type gift. The name of the sword was untranslated and its description was too small to read.

“I’ll grant you one power that is second to none!” Aqua said with the stone sword covering her shoulder.

A lizard-like beast flew in front of Aqua’s face, the ambient sparkles made the lizard appear to have glowing eyes. A different curved sword with a dragonic (?) head and sharp rocky scales served as the transition. Both of which were on pamphlets.

Kazuma looked around at the options he had on his hands and knees.

“Ah, good ol’ decision paralysis.” Satoru nodded in commencernation. 

“This is my gamer’s intuition talking,” Kazuma thought. “But all of the abilities and equipment here are totally broken!”

“They do not look like they are unusable.” Emilia asked with her head tilted.

“Broken in this instance of gaming terms, means something ‘unfairly’ powerful.” Kazuma said, with his right index finger raised. “Some examples are: DND Divine Spellcasters being able to swap all of their known spells to any other spell their Patron knows with a 6-8 hour sleep. Thus they can adapt to any type of enemy and environment. Another is putting a ranged character who uses her allies HP pool count in her line to deal direct damage to the enemy player behind a melee character who deals Area of Effect Damage on attack, gains an additional attack per turn, and increases his max hp pool per enemy he kills.”

The room hummed.

“So Reinhard.” The Re zero cast except Subaru thought.

“Well, it’s a good thing and a shame that our Divine Spellcasters can’t do that.” The Overlord Cast thought.

Soft chimes played as Kazuma picked up one sheet and gazed at another.

“If I’m going to a world where magic exists, I absolutely have to try it out!” Kazuma thought. 

Kazuma picked up the second sheet and started comparing them. 

Satoru opened his mental mouth to ask about the details-

Aqua’s seductive lips tore a potato chip in half, the camera zoomed out from the vore-fuel to show Aqua completely bored.

“Hey, hurry it up.” Aqua said with half of the broken chip wiggling.

Soft percussion instruments played, giving a jovial country music vibe

“Allow him time to formulate his thoughts.” Satoru said, rubbing the bridge of his absent nose.

“No matter what you pick, it’s all the same.” Aqua said. “Nobody’s expecting much from a shut-in game otaku anyways.”

Kazuma squeaked/squealed like a more feral ape. “I-I’m not an otaku!”

Kazuma tossed the papers away, bowing down to his hands and knees. “And I died after leaving my house, so I’m not a shut-in, either!”

Repeating his movement several times, blowing away some of the papers.

Aqua licked her fingers, getting any non-visible chip dust off. Aqua looked completely bone tired as she played with her hair using only her index finger.

“None of that matters. Just hurry it up.” Aqua said. “I’ve still got lots more deceased humans to guide, you know.”

“And this is why you have more than one Judge of the Dead.” Ristarte said, rubbing her head. “Either that or time dilation and/or super speed.”

“For reference, on earth alone 106 humans die per minute and 6,392 per hour.” Aqua said. “While I am only in charge of Japan’s region and even then only their NEETs, that still is an unacceptable delay to my bosses. That is with the time dilation already applied.”

The room hummed.

“Damn her!” Kazuma thought.

Aqua still looked distinctly unimpressed. Kazuma meanwhile had sweat pooling on his face and wrinkles on the bridge of his nose.

“Getting all cocky just because she’s a little bit cute…” Kazuma thought.

Aqua merely had a smug smile at the confirmation of her thoughts.

Kazuma on his fists and knees sounded like a gorilla as he breathed heavily, overpowering the faint chimes. His eyes were shadowed as he plotted.

“[Hurry up and decide], huh?” Kazuma asked. “I’ll do just that, then.”

Kazuma stood up. “Pick one thing to bring to this parallel world, right?”

Kazuma stumbled under the weight of what he was about to do.

Aqua, slightly interested in where he was going, paused her eating of the chips. “That’s right.”

Before eating the chip in her hand anyways.

Kazuma’s hand was shown, the end of the track suit bright against the dramatically black room. It pointed straight forward.

“Okay, I pick you.” Kazuma said.

“Okay, In hindsight I should have seen that coming.” Aqua said.

Shalltear giggled, causing a slight ripple across the room.

“I mean my Heaven gave out monster summoning abilities before, so why not an entire goddess?” Aqua shrugged. “Especially one that was insulting to a sleep deprived and delirious boy.”

Aqua blinked, utterly adorable with the potato chip in her mouth. And utterly not comprehending what Kazuma said. The chimes returned as Aqua pushed in the chip and chewed. A loud horn played as the portal manifested beneath Kazuma’s feet. Aqua kicked her feet as she stood up.

“All right, stand there and don’t leave the magic circle-” Aqua was mostly out of her chair. 

“What did you just say?” Aqua’s eyes widened.

The sound of an offscreen door opening echoed through the weird chime-heavy limbo. Aqua looked up to the forming magic circle above her. An Angel Woman descended out of the summoning circle. Flaunting her curves and a soft twinkling melody played.

“Where’s the metal?” Shalltear asked. “Angels should be metallic, except Victim.”

“Ah.” Zettour said, hand in palm. “They split the difference.”

On the left side were the biblical angels in all their eldritch beauty. On the right were the pretty boys and girls of the renaissance era, most of them had pastel colored wings in the stained glass depictions. Though notably on the bottom ring of the left side were normal human looking angels. The bottom was pushed up to reveal Yggdrasil’s Angels.

Kazuma coughed at the sight of the ‘biblically’ accurate angels. “Wait, Kirby, Bayonetta, Final Fantasy 7,and Neon Genesis Evangelion are accurate?! I thought NGE was just the stylization of Christianity spread like butter on toast over aliens.”

The non-Military Records crew just sat there for a few seconds comprehending Yahweh’s Angels.

“Yep, that’s definitely splitting the difference.” Filo said, nodding with a closed eye smile.

“So, if one wants to use angels, they would have to try really hard not to lean on Abrahamic Literature.” Demiurge said, his tail curled around his waist and its tip twitched in his lap.

Zettour nodded.

“Ah, this is where you tell the ‘Heroes’ about the Demon King’s Aura thing.” Kazuma said, left hand holding his forehead.

Aqua nodded.

Kazuma rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“We have heard your request.” Said the angel with wings at full spread and golden sparks falling in a shower around her. “I shall take over your job from here on out, Aqua-sama.”

“She’ll do a better job than you, not insulting the faux-customer.” Tanya said. [0]

Kazuma joined the chorus of Oohs as the golden shower faded.

“Huh?” Aqua adorably squeaked.

Another Isekai Magic Circle blossomed underneath Aqua. 

“Satou Kazuma-san’s Wish complies with the regulations and has been accepted.” the Angel landed.

The magic circles spun, flared into blue light and made energy tunnels leading upwards. 

Aqua glanced down at the circle. “Hey, what is this? Wh-What? You’ve got to be kidding.”

Kazuma looked at Aqua.

Aqua closed her eyes and tried to wave away the magic circle. “No, no, no! Come on, um…”

“This is not right!” Aqua threw her arms back, lost her pupils, and did the second instance of Aqua crying meme. “Taking a goddess with you is against the rules!”

Aqua pressed against the magic, squishing like a sea creature in an aquarium’s glass wall. 

“It must be illegal!” Aqua pressed her face against the magic-glass. “This has to be illegal!”

“Oh, come on. It’s only the human world, you’ll be fine.” Naofumi said, eyes rolled before they settled into a glare.

Subaru and Shalltear coughed.

“You should be fine.” Naofumi corrected himself.

“Wait!” Aqua banged on the magic. “Wait!”

“Please have a safe trip, Aqua-sama.” The angel said. “Should you successfully defeat the Demon King, I will send someone to pick you up.”The angel smiled with her eyes closed. Aqua, with her eyes back to normal, dropped her hands to her hips.

“I may have the ability to heal since I'm a goddess,” Aqua said, placing her hands on her chest. “But I have no fighting ability to speak of! There’s no way I can beat the Demon King!”

Aqua gripped her head in exasperation before she was lifted off her feet.

“Hey, wait!” Aqua cried out as she looked to the ground growing distant. 

Kazuma chuckled over Aqua’s booty.

“How does it feel to get dragged away with the guy you treated like a total idiot?” Kazuma asked.

Kazuma with his hair in hentai protag mode chucked once more. His hair parted to reveal one eye as he pointed at Aqua.

“You’ve been designated as the one thing I’ll be bringing along,” Kazuma said, hands moving into a megalovania posture. “So if you’re a goddess, use your godly powers or whatever to make my life as easy as possible!”

“You know, a lot of things make sense if you are following what Kazuma asked of you, however subconsciously.” Darkness rubbed her chin.

Aqua, Kazuma, and Megumin raised an objection finger before going over their memories and hung their heads.

“No!” Aqua cried and hugged herself. “I don’t want to go to a parallel world with a man like this!”

Aqua cried once more causing Kazuma to laugh in mock-sadistic glee. The angel’s wings extended, casting off cosmetic feathers.

“Brave hero, I pray that of the great many prospective heroes,” the angel said with extended arms and her feathers falling down around her. “You will be the one to defeat the demon king.”

The angel’s skirt flapped in the wind, revealing that she too had no panties. Nor genitalia, if she did it was hidden by a light beam.

“If you do so, we shall grant any wish you desire as a gift from the gods.” the angel revealed.

“Whoa, for real?!” Kazuma jerked in his beam.

“Wow, an actual reward.” Naofumi smirked. “How lucky for you.”

“We. Are. Not. Parasites!” Aqua wiggled in her seat. “We’re symbiotes, close yes. But not the same.”

Aqua leaned forward enough that her head completely obscured Kazuma.

“That’s my line!” Aqua cried.

“Now, go forth on your journey!” The angel ignored her superior.

The blackness at the end of the tunnel instantly shattered into blue squares, blue and green circles, and a white light at the center. The angelic choir resumed as Kazuma laughed as he was vacuumed into the light. Aqua’s despair-ridden face flew in from behind the camera.

“No!” Aqua shouted. 

Which caused Kazuma to sadistically laugh again. Everything dissolved into a screen of white before the blue sky and fluffy clouds were shown. One of the Angel’s feathers floated down from the sky. Said feather gently landed on a shallow stream of water, which caused small ripples above the pebbles on the crook’s bottom. Horns played as the camera zoomed out to show a woman in a purple witch/wizard outfit and a green shirted man crossing a cobblestone bridge.

By the bridge was a low-detailed fisherman whose line glinted in the sunlight. A man’s laughter echoed from somewhere as the camera changed to a wagon pulling away. Which revealed Kazuma and Aqua fully intact and mature. Aqua hung her head and hands in front of her thighs. Kazuma stood beside her in a confident but neutral pose with his fists on either side of his hips.

Belzerg: Axel, The Town of Beginners, appeared before them in a blue text box above their heads. With a bit-style sound effect chime and a swirling symbol around the Otherworld’s characters for Axel.

Tanya narrowed her eyes. “Hm, depending on how you write that. The name Belzerg could be read as Berserk.”

“We are not backwards hillbillies!” Darkness reflexly defended her nation. “We are basically the only reason why the world hasn’t been conquered yet, especially because we are the only nation whose borders are touching the Demon King’s borders. Our two Great Noble Houses have been assimilating power for countless Demon Kings, if they only manage to kill Generals and not the Demon King themselves. The Dustines Family assimilated the defensive abilities and the Sinfonia Family assimilated the offensive abilities. Thus they are called the House of the Shield and the House of the Sword respectively.”

“Ah, so their version of the Slane Theocracy is actually doing their jobs.” The Overlord cast thought. “Lucky for that humanity.”

“Thus, if I am following your logic correctly, then those who actually slay a Demon King are assimilated into the Royal Family.” Filo said. “They were the ones you were talking about during the power level discussion.”

Darkness nodded. “That and I can’t hit anything, so I can’t ‘grind’ for Kazuma.”

“Hm, I guess I should count Jaldbaoth lucky that Rampossa didn’t have the Belzerg-style of strength,” Demiurge thought. “What is a demon to a king? Especially considering there is a precedent with the Legemon. I might have needed to break out my true strength, or just have one of my Evil Lords take place in the physical battles.”

“So not hyperbole of the Warmaster,” Seiya thought. “How lucky for that world, to not have only one hero capable of saving them.”

“I might actually respect Trash if he could ‘put me in my place’, but that chance has passed.” Naofumi thought. “Especially if he doesn’t use that strength against the Waves.”

Kazuma blinked when Darkness nodded and turned to Aqua with a sharp smile. “I pulled you down before you could say that, I'm guessing?”

The town’s background muttering resumed, as we zoomed into Kazuma’s face. Who took a deep breath and blinked, before the camera turned to show a street.

“It’s a parallel world.” Kazuma narrated.

A girl in a sun hat and red dress was shown chasing two ducks/white birds past two gossiping women and two men bargaining over fruit prices.

“Wait, you have children?” Satoru asked.

“Yes, hence why it's difficult to motivate the others into fighting the Demon King.” Aqua said, hands folded in her lap. “If the Demon King projected a massive field where kids aren’t born at all, It would make my job stupidly harder yet paradoxically extremely easy.”

“Well, I’m glad that the demon king can’t do that.” The rest of the room generally thought. “Nor is he just removing the reproductive organs all together.”

“Hey, this really is a parallel world!” Kazuma continued to narrate over the girl’s misfortune.

The two pairs of adults turned their heads as the girl and her birds exited stage right. A blacksmith, his wife, and two kids who were playing a game with a stick were shown. Two women close to a barn and thus fuzzy were in the background chatting.

“W-Wait, I’m really going to be using magic.” Kazuma said.

A group of adventurers appeared, at the very left was a dark elf man dressed with armored plates and a green tunic. Next to him was a human woman in a black/beige horned helmet, beige pauldrons and boobplate. With a red and white leotard, her sleeves were black with red gloves and elbow bands. Which held beige arm plates over her elbows. Her legs were the same, save for the fact that her legging only came up to her mid thighs.

A huge sword hung off her hip, which was underneath the woman’s extended hand. The wizard in purple robes and a black bodysuit with a navel window stood next to her. Their blue-tinted white hair was underneath a purple hat. The wizard’s tiny glasses did not prevent the wizard’s obvious attention from showing. Behind the wizard was a man who similarly exposed his guts with a black and red jacket. A thick brown belt with a red and gray loin cloth over green paths completed his ensemble.

A pair of two adventures had passed in front of the five, with the second woman in red obscuring a woman in green. The red thief-like woman left revealing that the green woman had brown hair and wore a two-tone purple bodysuit.

“Why is there an Elf?” Megumin asked. “Axel hasn’t had one in decades, mostly because the Elves and other such races have their own training spots. Hence why they just skip to the front lines.”

“If they even send help at all.” Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin thought. [1]

“Elves are basically a synonym for fantasy back on earth.” Kazuma said. “Same with Dwarves, Dragons, Demons, Angels, Gods, and Giants.”

The others hummed.

“And going on adventures in this world from now on?” Kazuma asked himself, smiling in glee.

Cheerful notes played over Aqua’s gasping.

“Goodbye, shut-in life!” Kazuma assumed an assertive stance. 

“So what happened to not being a hermit?” Beatrice asked. “Or was that just a deflective denial, I suppose?”

Kazuma hung his head. “It was the latter.”

“Hello, new world!” Kazuma praised the sun for a brief moment.

Kazuma let his arms down before raising his right fist in a confident stance. “I can really start anew in this world!”

Aqua gasped before she weeped as she rubbed her head with both of her hands. Kazuma glared at her out of the corner of his eyes. He turned his head to properly stare at her in dismay.

“Hey, shut up.” Kazuma demanded.

Carnival-like notes played as Aqua clawed at her bangs that hung in front of her face.

“What am I going to do if everyone thinks I’m friends with a crazy woman?” Kazuma asked.

“More importantly, isn’t there something you’re supposed to give me at a time like this?” Kazuma asked.

“I do believe the opportunity to gain items has passed.” Satoru said, sarcasm audible.

The others nodded as Kazuma blushed.

Kazuma raised his hands to point at himself, a smug smile on his face. Aqua’s weeps had faded into near inaudibility. 

“Look at what I'm wearing. I’m in a tracksuit.” Kazuma complained.

Kazuma pointed his hands to the sides, closed his eyes, and still had the smug smile.

“Here I am in a fantasy world, and all I have is a single tracksuit.” Kazuma complained.

“And a literal goddess.” Subaru said.

Kazuma’s blush intensified as he sank into his chair.

Kazuma opened his eyes and let his hands fall down to his hips.

“Isn’t there a bare minimum of starter equipment I should-” Kazuma was interrupted by Aqua grabbing his collar.

Kazuma, for a single frame, had his eyes shrink as Aqua shook the annoying boy. The camera however chose to focus on Aqua’s weeping face, her open mouth had a cute flesh fang. Aqua, and by extension the offscreen Kazuma, rocked back and forth for a few seconds. Then with a bit-like sound effect a pause screen appeared over Aqua’s face. Underneath the giant English letters of PAUSE bracketed by hyphens, was a smaller English sentence of Press Start Button.

This pause screen continued for a few seconds as even the music stopped.

“Ah, I wish I could just do that and take a few moments to gather my thoughts.” Subaru thought.

A different bit-type note played as the video resumed with Aqua breathing in. The two of them were shown between a mother with her son and a man looking at the last two people to be Isekai’d from Aqua’s Heaven.

“Wh-What the heck?! Stop! Stop it!” Kazuma pleaded with Aqua.

The mother turned around with a face of dismay as she pulled her shocked son away from the first feud of the pseudo-couple.

“I get it, okay?! I’m sorry!” Kazuma said.

Kazuma placed his hands on Aqua’s shoulders, which stopped her from rocking his world any further. …for now.

“If you hate it that much, then you can go home.” Kazuma said.

Kazuma pushed the goddess away, hung his left arm behind his hip, and readjusted his collar with his right arm.

“I’ll figure out the rest on my own.” Kazuma said.

“What are you talking about?” Aqua threw her arms back, causing her to adopt an arrow-like pose. “I’m in trouble because I can’t go back.”

Aqua folded her hands in front of her chest. “What do I do? Huh? What am I gonna do?”

“If you can’t go back because you are currently classified as [Kazuma’s Item], then the most logical course of action is securing money.” Zettour said. “Healing is, was, and will continue to be a dependable source of income for those capable. Construction is also a thing, so too with mercenary work.”

“We went with construction.” Aqua answered.

The others hummed

Aqua’s hands fell to her sides as she wept once more.

“What am I supposed to do from now on?” The Goddess of Tears cried.

Kazuma’s low detailed and nonchalant look was wasted on the crying goddess. With a speed streak-like sound effect Kazuma raised a hand to gain Aqua’s attention.

“Hey, calm down, Goddess.” Kazuma commanded as he lowered his hand once more. “Times like these call for guilds.”

Kazuma placed a hand on his chin. “Going to places like that to gather intel is what you do in RPGs.”

Aqua leaned back in subdued surprise as Kazuma pronounced the entire words of the RPG acronym.

“Huh? You’re supposed to be some game otaku shut-in.” Aqua asked. “Why are you so reliable?”

“Someone has to pick up your slack.” Puck said.

Aqua joined her pseudo-spouse in the blush and chair sinkage departments.

Kazuma ignored her comments as he turned away.

“All right! Let’s go, Goddess.” Kazuma said.

“Hey, wait.” Aqua’s train of thought had drowned already.

An electric string instrument played as Aqua’s ass overtook the camera once more.

“Why this camera angle again?” Albedo asked, fists slightly curled.

“This is my role, not yours!” Albedo thought.

“I am the closest thing my pantheon has to a Romantic Love Goddess, and as you can heard by the declining birthrate problem, I am a terrible one.” Aqua said. “Can’t even be a proper Lust/Fertility Goddess.”

Aqua scribbled into her notebook: Teach Subaru Escape Artistry, Parkour, and Breakdancing.

“I really hope that the sexual stuff gets toned down in the next episodes.” The protags except Kazuma thought.

“You can call me “Goddess” if you like,” Aqua narrated over her hipsway. “But when you can, call me “Aqua”, so we don’t cause a commotion.”

“I have the slightest suspicion that being undetected has already passed.” Shalltear said with lidded eyes.

“I get it.” Kazuma said, the camera changed to the back of his head. “If you’re a goddess, wouldn’t you know where we can find an adventurer’s guild.”

Aqua blinked as Kazuma turned his head to stare her in the eyes.

“I’m a goddess.” Aqua said. “There’s no way I’d know about every little lowly place like that.”

Aqua blushed. 

Aqua leaned her head, which caused her hair to wiggle as she saw Kazuma’s disappointed and disgusted face. 

“This girl’s useless.” Kazuma thought.

“Useless as in actually useless, or uselessly like Subaru?” Ram asked with lidded eyes and crossed arms.

Kazuma, Darkness, and Megumin raised a finger and opened their mouths to defend their viewpoint. Before they closed their mouths and lowered their fingers as they remembered how Aqua played her parts.

“Useless like Subaru.” Aqua answered for them.

Ram saw Subaru blush and tried to fold into himself. However he was stopped by Emilia, what caught the passive half of the Oni God’s attention was the faint glimmer of disbelief.

“Do I never compliment him at all?” Ram thought. “Not even backhanded ones?”

Ram hid her glance to her aggressive twin.

“I really hope that he never committed self harm, or far worse suicide, from my barbs.  Ram clutched her elbows. “They would be the final coin in the pouch if my little sister actually followed through on her impulses.”

Ram took a quiet breath through her nose. “No, Subaru said that he was only questioned by Rem. So, she must have restrained herself. It's a waste of energy and time to ponder such depressing possibilities that never would and/or did happen. He does not act like he is, or ever was, afraid of us. …which her impulses would definitely make him.”

The screen shifted to show Axel from above. Right above the town was a large forest, where the Tranquility Queen resides. Smaller sections of woodland surrounded the town, only broken up by green fields. The light brown rooftops that formed human civilization had claimed 97% of the protected lands inside the massive wall. A few bits of the remaining kand were fields or lawns, most of the rest were small pockets of trees. But the largest non-human feature of the town was the river that curved in the middle, which formed a spoon or a bowl.

“Thank you for your business.” a merchant said while he handed a large slab of meat to a mother.

The mother’s youngest was safely strapped to her back and blissfully asleep. She had four other kinds besides her of indeterminate age. The second youngest, and the closest to the mother’s purple-like skirt was a girl with her hair tied into twin tails. The presumed third youngest had a green shirt on and an index finger on his lower lip, eyes firmly glued to the Capital A Anime Stick of Meat.

The child with the largest head merely had eyes for their mother. While the child right in front of the vase, which was presumably for water storage, had his arms behind his head. A purple scarf/collar over his cyan shirt. This boy’s eyes merely had attention for his youngest sibling or the comically small shopping basket his mother had.

“No, you’re not going to derail this by going into how purple dye was so expensive that it became a synonym for royalty.” Tanya thought as she rubbed her temples. “Nor will you do the same for the other dyes that should have been impossible for that era’s tech level. Excluding magic. What’s next, this world’s female underwear industry has access to modern elastics and/or a substitute, thus the girls would be wearing stuff that is closer to 20th and 21st century panties than the historically accurate Braies which were more like shorts that fell down to the mid thigh.” 

Megumin crossed her legs as she felt a phantom draft.

“Thank you.” The mother said as she smacked her infant with the Stick of Meat. “Up we go…”

The infant thankfully was too asleep to cry out in shock or pain.

Kazuma and Aqua appeared before a large building, which had an announcement tower in the back. Above the front door sat a bird-like symbol. On their left was a green pillar and on their right was a purple pillar. Behind them were more merchant stalls and their customers. Another 8-bit style ding played as a brown bar extended itself across the screen, above it stood the label Adventurer’s guild.

From the perspective of the door, both the human and goddess had silly looking faces.

“Looks like this is the place.” Kazuma said.

Something went bang the camera which startled a hiccup out of Aqua. 

“Scary!” Aqua said as they climbed the stairs.

The door swung open off screen as the camera decided to show the …emblem of Belzerg (or the Adventurer's guild) over the doorway, at a tilt. Either way, the upper part of the emblem had a bird with its wings fully unfurled, two V sections connected the wings to the main body of the bird. Which fanned out to an upside-down omega symbol for the tail.

“Welcome!” A blonde barmaid said as she twirled towards the door with 4 fuzzy Nereoid Drinks in her hand. “If you’re here to eat, please take any open seat.”

The camera showed Kazuma and Aqua unprepared for the level of prep in the barmaid’s voice.

“If you need job guidance, head to the counter inside.” the barmaid continued reading off her mental script.

The barmaid turned and walked off the right side of the screen. Aqua merely stared at the bubbly while Kazuma raised his hand.

“Thank you.” Kazuma obligately followed his own mental script for social interaction at a public place. 

The camera turned to see …indoor lamp posts. A sign or plinth that had no writing at all but three pink circles, eight yellow pyramids arranged into two pyramid shapes, and two pink dots in two pyramid shapes. 

Two men in dark colored clothing tapped their drinks together, their tablemate hunched over his food. Seems like they had some sort of bird, while the bearded yet bald man had the addition of cake. A red haired barmaid carried more food past the three men. Behind the drinks was an oak-like load-bearing pillar with dark red and dark green ribbons wrapped around it. The original barmaid walked past the table in her pinkish heels.

She stepped aside to reveal a man in plate armor looking up at a woman in a sports bra and battle panties. More potted plants broke up the monotony of the tavern.

Tanya mentally groaned at the sight of the battle panties and the elastic industry that it eluded to.

On one of the ribbon clad support pillars hung a dragon(?)’s skeleton. Around a horizontal support pillar was a wheel that might have served as a clock, if it rotated. The entire tavern was shown from the back, which revealed the statue of a hero, presumably one of the Belzerg Royalty and/or the dragon slayer underneath the skeleton. Another one of those odd plinths was on the opposite side of the statue’s feet.

Closest to the camera were a red head female mage talking to her melee party member. On the sides of the ceiling were banners detailing either the Mobile Fortress Destroyer or the founding of Belzerg. Above the Adventurer’s Info Desk had the statue bust of a Lizard Runner. In front of Kazuma and Aqua (behind them from this camera view) was the Barbarian Shopkeep that was only made canon in the Dust Spinoff Novels.

Kazuma hummed as he took in the atmosphere with a smirk on his face.

“Hey!” The barbarian called. “Haven’t seen you around here before.”

“You really wouldn’t have, and if you did. I would be concerned for you.” Subaru said.

Aqua squeaked as her pinprick eyes saw the bearded barbarian’s gaze. Kazuma, still in his sleep deprived apathetic mood, had no reaction. Said barbarian raised a finger to point at them.

“And what’s with the weird clothes?” The barbarian asked

“Oh,” Kazuma walked up to the barbarian. “We’ve actually come a long way, and we just got into town.”

Kazuma placed an assertive hand onto the table and his other hand on his hip. His eyes closed as he paused for one dramatic second.

“I want to become an adventurer to fight the Demon King’s Army, too.” Kazuma opened his eyes and relied on his Protagonist CharismaTM.

The barbarian breathed through his nose before he closed his eyes.

“Is that right, you reckless punk?” the barbarian said.

The barbarian twirled around and adopted the Crazy Eyes Pose (the one where an eye is normal sized and the other is widened).

“Welcome to the gates of Hell!” The barbarian said before he hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “If you’re lookin’ for the guild admission desk, it’s over there.”

Thus Kazuma and Aqua walked past the statue of the Founder of Belzerg. 

“Hey.” Aqua said, which caused Kazuma to halt.

Kazuma turned his head over his shoulder with a hum.

“How can you make up a story like that on the spot?” Aqua asked.

“Well, it is the truth.” Satoru said, head slightly tilted to the side. “Just a bit farther than that barbarian understood.”

The room nodded.

“Listen, Aqua.” Kazuma assumed a lecturing tone.

“Okay.” Aqua hummed.

Kazuma raised a hand to seemingly hold the statue’s sword tip. “Today we’ll register with a guild and find a place to stay the night.”

“G-Got it.” Aqua nodded her head and raised her hands in front of her chest. “I don’t know anything about games, but I guess that’s how it works in worlds like this, right?”

“By which I meant, I have no first hand experience playing the games.” Aqua explained. “All I knew was observing their world and reading from the books of the dead.”

Kazuma raised his hand even further to directly point at Aqua. “Exactly. All right, let’s go.”

The pseudo-couple dropped their arms and walked off.

“Oh, wait.” Aqua muttered with her knife-hands framing her booty. “You seem like such a capable guy.”

The camera changed to a front view of both Kazuma and Aqua.

“Why were you a shut-in otaku with no friends or girlfriend before?” Aqua asked.

“Did you not just read a book that detailed his entire life, or was that book merely how he died?” Satoru asked.

Aqua blushed and hung her head.

Kazuma grunted and gritted his teeth at that.

“Why did you seclude yourself every day and act like such a shut-in NEET?” Aqua asked.

Kazuma gritted his teeth even more before he half turned towards Aqua and pointed an accusatory finger towards her.

“Stop calling me a shut-in NEET, you bitch.” Kazuma proceeded to escalate the situation. “Don’t lump “shut-in” and “NEET” together.”

“Well, in the mid 2010s, they did become basically synonyms.” Ristarte said.  “Along with NEET becoming a synonym for utmost laziness.”

The rest of the room hawed.

Thankfully his outburst produced no reactions. Specifically the next frame was a mid-back length red haired mage in a bowler(?) hat and a dark haired warrior sitting at a bar. The bartender merely shook his tumbler and produced a soft clanging sound that signaled that there was ice in them. The mage’s staff sat next to her and conveniently covered the menu.

The next frame showcased Luna the receptionist in her alcove, the camera specifically panning up past her large tits to showcase Luna’s dark yellow hair and amber colored eyes. 

“Hello. What can I do for you today?” Luna asked, firmly in her customer management mode.

The camera zoomed out to showcase the three other desks, though Luna was the only receptionist on duty. At desk number three, desk number one was against the wall to the right. There were two different signs framing this help area, their text too blurry to translate.

“Um, we’d like to become adventurers.” Kazuma said.

“I see.” Luna’s autopilot brain replied. 

Luna closed her eyes and smiled. “In that case, you’ll first need to pay the registration fee.”

The camera showed Kazuma smiling with his eyes closed, not processing anything. Aqua stood by a support pillar. The Founder’s statue and its red caper separated the two.

“Sure, Sure…” Kazuma said.

Kazuma’s very tired neurons fired and transmitted the information gathered by his ears to his cerebral cortrex.

“Huh?” Kazuma opened his eyes as he stopped smiling. “Registration fee?”

Kazuma turned his head towards Aqua. 

“Do you have any money?” Kazuma asked.

Aqua shook her head in the negative, her mouth still an adorable tiny dot.

“You dragged me here without any warning.” Aqua reminded Kazuma. “Of course I don’t.”

Kazuma had stress sweat all over his despairing face. Luna still had her autopilot brain active and her hands neatly clasped each other.

“This girl’s useless…” Kazuma blamed everyone but himself.

“Yeah well, that’s what happens when you don’t give prep time.” Seiya said, glaring at Kazuma.

Kazuma shrunk into his chair. “Oh come on, I just got the courage to sit back up properly! I mean, as much properly you can be in a recliner chair.”

The tavern was shown from above as a barmaid walked past two fully seated tables. Kazuma and Aqua were sitting in the loneliest corner by the window. Kazuma was shown alone before a reddish-brown haired barmaid came up to the table.

“Are you ready to order?” the barmaid asked the depressed pseudo-couple.

“Um, I’m still thinking about it…” Kazuma said.

The barmaid sighed as she turned away, holding her clipboard to her chest.

“Please take your time.” the barmaid's autopilot brain replied.

The heads of the two isekai’d were shown. Well more specifically their eyes and noses, or at least Kazuma’s when he looked up and across to Aqua.

“Hey, what should we do?” Kazuma asked. “We’ve already hit a roadblock.”

A circular shield with a cog wheel on the outer rim, a bumpy-flower like ring just inside of the cog wheel, and inside of the flower was a plus (or cross if one wanted to ascribe more Christianity than was necessary) which had two swords that peaked out at diagonal angles, and formed a blunt 8 pointed star of chaos. Was shown over their table, high up on the wall.

“Normally we’d get a minimal amount of equipment and enough to cover basic living expenses, at least.” Kazuma continued to complain. “This is totally inhospitable.”

Kazuma shrunk even further under Puck and Tanya’s gazes. Satoru had a bemused tint in his wavering flame eyes. Naofumi, Raphtalia, and Filo directed their deadpan stares towards the 16 year old. Rista had gripped Seiya’s mouth closed and pulled his head towards the screen.

Aqua raised her head to stare Kazuma in the eyes.

“There goes your reliability, just like that.” Aqua said. “Well, I guess it was inevitable. You are a shut-in NEET.”

“Don’t call me a shut-in NEET.” Kazuma glared at the goddess. 

Aqua placed her hands on the table and pushed herself up.

“Fine. I guess it’s my turn now.” Aqua said as she adopted a confident hand on hip pose.

Kazuma looked attentive at the goddess’ new found confidence.

“Let me show you what a goddess can do!” Aqua said.

Aqua waved goodbye as she walked away to horns playing. Thus Aqua walked up to an old man calmly drinking his beverage of choice. Hand grabbed the barrel-like mug from the side, the other hand supported the drink from below. She stopped right before the camera and treated the audience to another shot of her booty. Which perspective wise was the same size as the man’s torso.

“You there, priest! State your denomination!” Aqua said, visible hand on her hip.

“Hm?” Went the old man as he opened up his eyes.

Aqua had a cute and confident grin on her face, hands on her hips with the backs of them pressed against her Shrodinger’s Dress. Flutes played.

“I’m Aqua.” the goddess introduced herself. “Yes, the object of worship for the Religious Cult of Axis: The goddess Aqua!”

Aqua blinked as she raised a hand to point at the priest.

“If thou art one of my followers…” Aqua said.

Aqua bowed from a side view, the old man priest had a bit of nervous sweat rolling down his face.

“It’d be a huge help if you could lend me some money!” Aqua pleaded in a rapid squeaky voice.

“I’m in the Eris Sect, actually…” the priest busted the goddess’s bubble.

Aqua instantly snapped into a shocked face with far more nervous sweat than the priest and the bridge of her nose/between her eyes became red. The flutes stopped with a bang as even Kazuma knew how far Aqua shoved her foot down her throat. His eyes were mere pinpricks and his jaw fell open. …if he wasn’t just now realizing that Aqua wore nothing under her dress in the next camera angle.

All was silent enough for a woman’s giggles to echo through the tavern which overlapped with the theather’s

“Oh, you are? I’m sorry.” Aqua said in a quiet/dead tone.

She turned around as she rubbed her head, but the priest raised his hand.

“Oh, young lady, are you with the Axis Cult?” the priest’s brain jiggled into motion. “The relationship of the goddesses Aqua and Eris is that of Superior and Subordinate.”

“The difference is the ‘quality’ of faith and what we embody.” Aqua said. “For Eris as the Goddess of Luck and Commerce, every action of probability such as shooting an arrow into a crowd of enemies, will empower her. Of course more specialized things such as trying to infiltrate a mansion or dice games will provide more faith towards her, especially if something valuable to more than the thief and current holder is at stake.”

Everyone else’ eyes widened, mentally filling in why Aqua is a senior goddess. Water, after all, was a widely observed physical thing and essential to most life. While Luck and Commerce were only things that sapients could spend time thinking about once their essentials were met. Or in the case of luck, bemoaning their lack of luck because they couldn’t fulfill their essential needs.

“Oh no, you’re the collective consciousness type of deity.” Satoru said, voicing everyone’s thoughts, head in his hands..

“Ah, so that’s why my village has so many sealed detities around it.” Megumin rubbed her chin. “It is easier than killing or converting everyone of their disciples-dreamers. Let alone actual battles to the death with the detities. Which has the potential of fragmenting said deity and/or embedding the ‘idea’ of them into every viewer.”

“So If I want to keep her around and she loses all of her followers, then I would have to personally worship her?” Kazuma thought, eyes on his hands fiddling in his lap.

“I wonder if there is an analogue to Megumin’s clan in my world.” Demiurge thought, left hand on chin as his right hand wrote mental scribbles on the chitin of his tail. “That way I can give Jaldaboath the goal of unsealing his master. Assuming that my plan of making Jaldabaoth the Demon King falls through. But if Jaldabaoth has a god that he ‘answers’ to, then that will increase Lord Satoru’s Momon Persona when he defeats said god. I’ve already implanted the Tri-Armagedden Evil Statue as the reason for the Demonic Disturbance. So I can just say that this god made that statue.”

“And it prevents them from growing stronger and influencing reality, whether that be by empowering their faithful or deciding that 2+2=Purple Pineapple.” Aqua nodded. “Being sealed and forgotten has weakened them.”

Aqua glanced towards Subaru and Shalltear “Should have weakened them.”

“So what happens if you die?” Subaru asked.

“Among lots of other things, Water magic won’t work any more.” Aqua said. “While that doesn’t seem too bad, you must understand that their world doesn’t have the evaporation cycle being the cause of rain, instead it is drunk elementals that cause storms and rain is managed by the lesser spirits. Admittedly evaporation does fulfill the role of making the elementals ‘drunk’ off of the mana in the ocean boiling away into the clouds where the elementals hover.” [2]

“Assuming I just don’t wake up back in Heaven because I got crippled.” Aqua thought. “Seriously, I forgot the whole deal between the Storm Elementals stripping the women in thanks for the adventurers beating them back into sobriety. WHICH I REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BECAUSE I AM THE WATER GODDESS! Or the fact that Devils have the ability to save up multiple lives via Arcana, the negative energy of this world. Which also provides magic resistant to at least the Dragons. Oh and in sufficient concentrations such as a High Ranking Devil being in one place for centuries, Arcana can rip open a portal to hell. While Divine Mana only grants silly-grade regeneration. Because fuck us.”

Again the room's eyes widened.

Satoru’s eye flames narrowed. “If there is no water magic, then that means there is no healing magic nor irrigation for agriculture. Thus mass famines that will weaken nations, if not destroy them outright. And because there is no food, your armies will starve while the Demon King can just modify some beasts to grow food directly from their bodies. Or modify slimes to function as irrigation. And have his combat minions be completely immune to everything but the now absent water magic.”

The others in the room rubbed their temples.

“If you are so important then why did your superiors even allow you to leave?” Puck said, teeth gritted. “While I am the Great Spirit of Fire, in my world Fire Magic covers both hot and cold temperatures. It is a title that will be passed onto another Fire Spirit with my death. It is what happened when I killed Melakouera. But that is just a random title humans made, same with the Beast of the End. it doesn’t have any effects on Od Laguna.”

“Is the Winter Shogun your heir? Does your Heaven have a backup plan at all?” A twitch traveled down Puck’s spine to the tip of his tail.

“I am planning on being the last Water-type deity of my Pantheon.” Aqua said. “But probably that is what would happen if mortals wanted to Apotheosis him. Or one of his subordinate Snow Sprites, which if you kill one of them, then winter is shortened by a single day.”

The others except Kazuma, Darkness, and Megumin blinked.

“That’s odd.” Puck summarized the room’s thoughts as he rubbed his temples. “First the manually controlled water, and now this season decoupled from the time of the year? What’s next, all plant life being mobile and extremely hostile?”

Megumin opened her mouth.

“Oh come on!” Puck said, spasmed from head to tail tip, this time the twitch traveled down to his paws as well. “I was being rhetorical!”

“Well, so long as you don’t swallow the seeds whole.” Megumin explained. “Then most of the plant life just pulls up their roots and runs away. Only the vegetables actually attack you, hence why you need permits to grow them. So I don’t think you can count that as hostile.”

The room blinked again.

Lergen rubbed his head. “The childhood fears of plant life growing inside of you if you swallow a seed. Should not be a literal thing.”

“A-Allergies can be t-triggered if the f-flowers engulf their enemies’ f-faces.” Mare said as he tapped his chin.

“Eh, haven’t seen any flowers do that.” Megumin waved her hand. “They mostly run around and make the teacher force his students to round them up. Maybe if there was a vicious Tranquility Girl nearby, but uh.”

The room filled in the blanks of that happening when their species’ common name was that.

Warn Kazuma of the Tranquility Queen and the Manticores that live near Axel. Darkness wrote in her notebook.

Ah, that is easier and harder than the Unified Divine Realm’s ranking system of how many worlds you have saved. Ristarte thought. Ask Aqua about ascended humans.

Hm, guess Aqua is vulnerable to Ovid and Dante-type Orators. Rudersdorf frowned. 

Aqua blinked and turned her head back.

“This must be fate. I saw earlier that you couldn’t cover the fee, correct?” The priest continued.

The priest laid out several golden coins on the table. They were engraved with the dull star of chaos which maybe is the emblem of Belzerg Kingdom.

“Here. Please consider this Eris-sama’s divine blessing.” the priest said while doing the cross motion. …which was a Christian thing.

The military records crew, except Tanya, all breathed in through their noses and counted to ten.

Aqua’s dismay tinted appearance straightened at the sight. Her body and hair cast far more shadow than it should.

“Still, no matter how devout a believer you are, you mustn’t call yourself a goddess.” The priest rubbed his beard.

“Uh, yes. I’m sorry.” Aqua said while she completed her turn and walked over to grab the coins. “Thank you very much…”

Aqua clutched the few coins to her chest before Kazuma’s mouth twitched, eyebrows knotted as Aqua walked back. A soft giggle-sigh escaped Aqua’s lips as she stood in front of her ‘owner’.

“He didn’t even believe that I'm a goddess.” Aqua complained.

Aqua’s eyes wavered under her tears. “By the way, Eris is a goddess ranked beneath me. A believer in my subordinate took pity on me and lent me money…”

Aqua’s eyes wobbled so much that they were audible. 

Kazuma looked away and down at the floor. “Y-Yeah…”

Luna was shown wiping off her desk, more accurately her hand. She paused as the camera zoomed out to show Luna nearly horizontal with her butt pointing to the lower right corner of the screen. Kazuma and Aqua’s eyes were covered by their hair bangs. 

“Um,” Kazuma brought up his hand. “We’ve brought the registration fee.”

Luna stood up as she stopped her washing, “S-Sure…”

“Something told me that she didn’t want to make eye contact with us…” Kazuma narrated over the request board.

Luna turned around, “Allow me to formally explain.”

Kazuma and Aqua were shown as Luna’s autopilot brain swapped back on.

“Adventurers each have their own occupations.” Luna said before she pointed to the card. “This is your registration card. It keeps track of how many monsters you’ve vanquished.”

“So, you don’t have to cut off the ears or other body parts to confirm the kill?” Satoru said, left hand on chin.

“We are not backwards hillbillies!” Darkness said, fists clutched at her side.

“Besides, if all the adventurers are looking for is to cut off their ears.” Tanya said with a shrug. “Then the natural thing to do is to make a monster breeding farm, cut off the associated body part, sell the part, and then use the money to expand your breeding facilities. Which will eventually get exposed and release far more monsters than originally was.”

Albedo closed her eyes and mentally groaned at such an easy answer to raise money, which she and Demiurge completely missed. Then not one of Lord Satoru’s operatives would lack for money in the human world. Demiurge resisted the urge to slap himself upside the head with his tail as he came to the same conclusion.

“Okay, I get why Albedo and Demiurge didn’t think of that because they have to run Nazarick and deduce Lord Satoru’s plots to take over the world respectively.” Aura thought, head in her hands with Mare gently rubbing her head. “But I am the Beastmaster, so I should have thought of that myself! Hey, for that matter, why don’t we see if Mare could grow one of the rare (for the New World) plants and harvest those to give to Lord Satoru’s Momon Persona. Which would increase his fame because he can now accurately identify AND harvest rare plant materials.”

“I could have the Lizardmen see if they have any other rare resources suitable for trade to human settlements.” Cocytus thought. “Then have Lord Satoru as Momon formally meet them and bring trade. Increasing his fame not only as a Human Hero, but as a Hero of many races.”

Satoru placed a hand on his forehead. “Oh, I am such a dumbass for not thinking of that. It would certainly give Aura and Mare something to do so that they aren’t bored.”

Tanya gave half-lidded glares to the Nazarick crew. “[Geniuses], Suuuuure.”

The NPCs accepted that remark and hung their heads.

“As your level increases, you’ll earn points that you can use to learn skills, so please work hard to raise your level.” Luna said as she folded her hands in front of her waist.

A blue crystal orb was shown, yellow and light gray metal formed a clockwork machination around the orb. Below the orb were three cyan laser focusing discs. The Card Maker was held up by two dark gray claws.

“Now, both of you, please hold your hands over this crystal.” Luna asked.

The camera swapped to show Kazuma reaching to the crystal. Aqua was interested in the clockwork of the Card Maker.

“Like this?” the boy asked.

With a click and the sound of a film reel rolling, the crystal lit up with an inner like as the clockwork spun. Which prompted an amazed [ha] to spill from Kazuma’s lips. Cyan bubbles gathered in the crystal before they descended to the focusing lens. The clockwork clicked and swirled as a violin played over the fantastically rendered CGI. the focusing lens, more like small bowls as the camera zoomed in and provided clarity, wobbled as the cyan bubbles passed through them to reach the needle at the bottom.

With a soft electronic whistle, the needle tip glowed and shot the concentrated bubbles down at the card. Etching into it the details of Kazuma.

“With this, you will each learn your current status,” Luna said as the laser wrote down Kazuma’s name. “So please choose your desired occupation based on your stats.”

The laser-pen was shown from below, looking like a saucer-type final boss. The laser passed over the camera twice before we returned to Kazuma’s very invested face.

“Here it comes!” Kazuma leaned closer. “Now my tremendous latent abilities will be made apparent, and there’ll be an uproar throughout the guild!”

“I mean…” Kazuma scratched his left cheek. “I guess I did receive it, with that sheer delay of leveling up.”

“You also did get it by proxy of Aqua.” Megumin and Darkness said.

Aqua nodded.

Kazuma blushed.

“So, Subaru truly isn’t the only one with that type of expectations.” Emilia thought with half-lidded eyes.

The laser etching finished, leaving a lot of words in the Belzerg script that went untranslated. Below a stylized portrait of Kazuma were six bubbles that detailed the type of class he had. To the left of that was his skill list and presumably his current stat point number. Above that was his name in the script, which looked like the scribbles of a space architect. Luna picked up the card and then turned around.

“Yes, thank you very much.” Luna said while reading Kazuma’s card. “Satou Kazuma-san, is it? Let me see…”

The camera showed Kazuma gleefully awaiting his destiny and Aqua mildly interested.

“Average across the board.” Luna said. “With the exception of decently high intelligence…”

Luna blinked. “Oh? Your luck is extraordinarily high.”

Kazuma blushed as most of the room nodded in agreement with Luna.

“Of course,” Luna held Kazuma’s card to her chest, a hesitant look on her face. “Luck isn’t a very essential stat for an adventurer… with this much luck, I’d recommend becoming a merchant or something similar.”

Kazuma had the barest hints of despair on his face, Aqua tried and mostly succeeded in suppressing her giggles behind a meritful smirk and her hand.

“Ah, the [Easy Growth] thing is a hidden stat.” Rudersdorf said, tapping his left hand’s fingers against his left palm. “On one hand, it's convenient not to hang a [please assassinate me] sign around their necks. On the other hand, I do not envy your nation’s strategists when it comes to your nation’s future.”

“We did identify the previous Cheat Users by their black hair and odd artifacts.” Darkness explained. “But roughly 20 years ago there was a push from the demon king that focused down on black haired people, so Mitsurugi and Kazuma are the latest in the trend of disinformation.” [4]

“Ah, what is a mere twenty years to a goddess?” The rest of the room thought, realizing that the demon king wouldn’t use a dagger in place of a broadsword.

Kazuma glared at the snickering Aqua over his shoulder. “Hey, she’s disapproving of my adventurer’s lifestyle right off the bat. What’s going on?”

“U-Um,” Kazuma turned towards Luna, he hunched over. “Make my primary job [Adventurer], please.”

“W-Well,” Luna’s brain switched into consultation mode. “You can always change jobs when you level up!”

“Y-You’re right!” Kazuma said, straightening his back as he took his card. 

“Eh? You don’t have to wait until level 40 before your Class-Up Ritual?” Raphtaila asked, her ears twitched as she remembered the battle against the Class-upped Bandit that was cut from the anime. “No wait, you have that very slow leveling process. Thus you wouldn’t need to restrict access to the Class-Up ritual.”

Raphtalia glanced at Filo’s Cowlick-Tiara thing.

“Would you gain stats from changing your class?” Raphtalia asked. “It happened to us, so you should have the same thing. …though, you don’t have the Waves as a phenomenon.”

Aqua shook her head. “No we don’t have to wait, no our stats don’t grow when we change classes. The only way for stats to grow is leveling, training, and Dragon Meat.”

Kazuma turned towards Aqua. “Hey, if Dragon Meat is a stat boosting item, and at least Mitsu-prick can easily kill a Dragon.” Kazuma reached over to pinch Aqua’s cheeks. “Then, why oh why, isn’t Dragon Meat being served as a regular, if expensive, meal here at Axel’s Adventurer’s Guild?”

“Because Dragons are converters who seek out Arcana, the energy of hell, absorbing it. They break it down into usable energies and rare materials like Manatite that form in their treasure hoards, the stat increase is just a side effect. But because the Dragons are not native to hell, they all go insane and must be put down.” Aqua said through her pinched cheeks. “The other side effect of this conversion process makes it so that Arcana can be smelled by anyone, not just the Divines. Thus if you were to serve Dragon Meat, you would get numerous complaints about the smell.” [3]

Kazuma closed his eyes, breathed out his nose, and let Aqua go.

“Ah, if only Volcanica’s meat could do the same thing.” Roswaal thought. “Then Subaru would be on board with my plan to kill the Dragon, he must be desperate to be worthwhile in combat.”

“Eating to get stronger? What a lazy growth method.” The casts of Overlord, Military Records, Rista, Seiya, and Subaru thought.

“Ah, so more of the cardinal weapons.” Raphtailia and Filo thought.

“Subaru and Kazuma are going to be so pissed that I can grow stronger just by eating everything.” Naofumi thought of his shield’s absorption ability. Blissfully unaware of his time as the Tray (Mirror) Hero in the second Glass World arc.

“Of course we can’t have that type of ‘metaphysics’, no that would mean Subaru would be useful in more situations.” Puck’s left eye twitched. “Apparently we can’t have nice things.”

“I know that the last heartbeat of a Dragon and/or the blood of a Dragon is one possible solution to my frozen forest.” Emilia frowned and glanced at her lap. “But why can’t we have such an easy way to gain power? That isn’t being born with it like myself, or tremendous training like Wilhelm?”

Emilia breathed in through her nose, held her breath for 10 seconds, and released it from her mouth.

“I. Am. Not. Her.” Emilia thought.

Ram laid a hand on her twin’s back which broke Rem out of her angry thought spiral.

Kazuma opened his eyes and stared down Aqua.

His face dropped as he saw for himself, exactly how terrible his stats were. 

“The weakest job, huh?” Kazuma thought as Aqua walked past behind him. 

The machine swirled for a brief moment then Luna let out a loud gasp.

“Aside from your intelligence being below average,” Luna said around her hand in front of her mouth. “And your luck being the lowest possible level, all of your stats are drastically above average!”

“Yeah,” Zettour nodded. “Being dragged down from Heaven would qualify for the lowest luck possible.”

“If we didn’t just see part of Subaru’s first day.” The rest of the room finished the thought.

Luna’s boobs jiggled as she turned towards Aqua. 

“What?” Aqua’s just stated intelligence kicked in. “Does that mean I’m really amazing?”

A mirthful jingle played as Luna retrieved Aqua’s card.

“A-Amazing is an understatement!” Luna said. “The mage class, which requires intelligence, is out of the question, but other than that, you can be anything you want!”

Two barmaids and four male customers were shown as they turned towards Luna, Kazuma, and Aqua.

“A Crusader, Sword Master, Arch Priest…” Luna continued over their interested looks. “Nearly any Advanced Class right from the start!”

The red haired barmaid walked in front of them, the camera focused on her interested face as Luna’s final syllable left her lips. Before Aqua and Kazuma were shown once again, Kazuma looked at Aqua with a dejected expression as Aqua had a closed eye smug smile on her face. One arm supported the other whose hand had her raised index finger twirling in place.

“I see. It’s a shame there’s no [Goddess] Occupation,” Aqua said, she opened her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. “But in my case, maybe I’ll be an Arch Priest who heals her allies.”

“An Arch Priest!” Luna said.

The camera panned up Aqua’s body starting at her hips

“An almighty Class that commands all recovery and support magic, and that boasts enough strength to stand at the front line!” Luna’s narration ended at Aqua’s pleasant smile.

The tavern erupted into cheers and trumpets. Still images of celebrating adventurers passed before Luna turned around after getting Aqua’s card. Luna was suddenly flanked by two other receptionists, the left one was an elf with light green hair. The right was a human with a darker shade of green.

“Without further ado, welcome to our adventurer’s guild, Lady Aqua.” Luna said.

The camera retreated to show further uniformed staff members, Luna took her free arm and placed it under her boobs like she was going to bow. All of the …behind the scenes staff wore the same uniform. A brown vest over a secondary vest this time colored navy, which had a white long sleeved shirt underneath that. A red tie provided a centering effect compared to the yellow star that was over everyone’s heart. The look was completed with a gray pair of pants with the navy vest’s coattails covering the belt.

To the left of the elf was a moderately tall brown haired human man who had his arms folded behind his waist. To that one’s left stood a far larger, both in height and width, man with his arms crossed.

“All of our staff will be looking forward to your future exploits.” Luna said.

“Why couldn’t Re-Estize be developed enough to have these adventurer’s cards?” The NPCs thought. “Then Lord Satoru wouldn’t have to waste his time doing menial tasks.”

A wide shot of the guild filled to the brim with adventurers who all cheered before the camera cut back to Aqua’s smiling face. 

“Starting off as an Archpriest is incredible!” Said one female adventurer amongst the crowd.

Aqua’s hair did its pseudo dog tail wagging as the camera routed around her, as Aqua looked around the crowd. Aqua closed her eyes as she rubbed her head and waved with her free hand.

“Someone like you might actually be able to beat the Demon King, you reckless girl!” Said the Barbarian as he was moved behind Aqua.

The turning movement ended when the disappointed Kazuma got onto screen.

“No event like this is going to happen for me?” Kazuma asked.

Aqua pivoted towards Kazuma, a smile beaming across her face and finger pointed directly at Kazuma. 

“It’s the adventurer’s life for us starting today, Kazuma!” Aqua said.

“I thought you absolutely hated all this.” Kazuma replied, still down.

Aqua blinked and lowered her hand, “Did I?”

Kazuma merely closed his eyes and sighed. The camera swapped to just above the statue’s head, showing the massive crowd. Kazuma half turned before the entire crowd was blurred out to focus on the statue. Then the camera showed the statue from Kazuma’s perspective.

“Well, anyways, everything thus far has been basically character creation,” Kazuma thought, as he turned to the camera and a small smile grew. “Now our adventure is about to begin.”

The camera zoomed into Kazuma’s face before blending into a blinding white. Axel was shown from the treetops, sunlight peeking from above the wall. Then one of the nearby mountains was shown with a tower to the side, in between was the sunlight behind the horizon. No, it was the dawn of a new day and the dawn of the end of the Demon King. trumpets and other horns played continuously until the next spoke line over this montage.

A dove flew past the screen at a very close distance, close enough for the viewer to count the individual feathers. Which was helped by the fact that the bird was rapidly losing feathers as it flew up and away from the camera.

A mound of dirt was shown before an offscreen Kazuma swung his pickaxe into the ground. Kazuma was shown mid backswing, down to his white undershirt and green tracksuit pants. The top half wrapped around his waist and a white headband from somewhere applied to his forehead. Kazuma gritted his teeth as he once more swung the pickaxe forward, obscuring the sight of a short set of scaffolding to repair the wall’’s face.

The animation exaggerated Kazuma’s determined but despairing face as he commenced the hard labor of groundbreaking.

Kazuma was shown from afar with several other men digging to either provide stone for the wall or to make a foundation. In the foreground Aqua was providing water to three men in the shade of a lean-to. Kazuma was next shown to be carrying the back of a massive timber that was tied to a bag of coal or the result of their mining, only for the weight to be too much and he collapsed which caused the rocks to fall out.

A small amount of dust, the same amount as Aura kicked up, billowed around him as Kazuma laid on his back amongst the rocks which narrowly missed him. Kazuma slowly glanced up to the blonde foreman who had his arms crossed and a massive frown. Kazuma jolted upwards and raised an apology salute while the other worker was scratching his head and a faint light of dismay shone in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you participate in the hard labor, if your stats are so good?” Filo asked.

“Well, that would be training.” Aqua shrugged. “As a Goddess, my stats are already at the cap that they naturally can grow to be, whether that be training or leveling. So the only way for me to grow stat wise is Dragon Meat.”

The others blinked as Kazuma placed his hands on Aqua’s shoulders and gave her a pitying look. 

“I don’t need your pity.” Aqua said as she removed Kazuma’s hands from her shoulders.

“Ah, too bad about Aqua not doing the hard work.” Tanya thought. “Might have seen some Popeye-type action. …and the joy of a ‘Goddess’ forced to do the same menial tasks as us.”

A pair of horses were shown with their heads between the stable bars.

“What are those?” Emilia asked. “Why do they look like Melakuera?”

“First a fire cat, and now a fire horse.” Tanya breathed in. “Ah, proper fantasy.”

“Those are horses?” Ram said. “Hn, I like the look of Land Dragons better. At least the scales don’t get everywhere like fur does.” 

The entire stable was shown before Kazuma’s face was shown with closed eyes on a bundle of hay. Kazuma then rolled over to face a pile of horseshit, he then smelled it and jerked away. Kazuma glared at the scat and held his nose closed.

“You know, if Aqua actually pulled her weight.” Filo said. “Then maybe you wouldn’t have to sleep in a stable.”

Aqua hung her head.

“…and that’s another thing I am forced to be grateful about.” Naofumi thought, head in hands. “How lucky I was to not be forced to sleep in a stable, even when the entire nation hated my guts.”

Raphtalia gently rubbed the back of her Master’s head.

“Well, at least Subaru didn’t have to deal with this.” Rem thought. 

“Oh come on, why couldn’t I have joined the party early enough to sleep in the stable with them?” Darkness bit her tongue to prevent her jealousy from showing on her face.

Her party mates all had half lidded eyes as they sensed their perverted knight’s thoughts.

“Wow, Aqua didn’t cry about that?” Megumin thought. “I guess she does have a modicum of self control.”

Megumin twisted in her seat.

“At least I didn’t force Kazuma to smell my pee during that doll incident.” Megumin thought. “Couldn’t the stable owner find an actually clean cell for them to sleep in?”

“Aw, of course I miss such a delightful bounding experience.” Darkness shuddered. “Kazuma could have used my body as a blanket and as an air freshener.”

The camera shifted to show Aqua right behind Kazuma, blissfully asleep and selfishly hogging the only tiny blanket. More scat was just below Kazuma, to the point where if he straightened his legs, then his feet would be barely an inch away. Kazuma’s shoulders shook before the camera showed the outside of the barn, above which was a pleasant navy night sky partially hidden by the clouds. 

Beneath the barn laid a gently babbling crook which ended in the screen’s bottom right corner. The crook’s end gently shimmered like Kazuma’s tears.

Kazuma blurred as he swung the pickaxe in the light of day,  his expression far more maniac today. The other workers, however, were far more impressed with Aqua’s …Talents to see what Kazuma was doing. Though Aqua did eventually learn enough construction skills to expand a castle under daily [Explosion] bombardment by Wolbach, the one who taught Megumin explosion.

So Aqua flourishly applying mortar, or whatever the brick binding element is called, does have a purpose. Though her white shirt, green pants, gray boots, and yellow bandana certainly was …an interesting design choice. One that only highlighted Aqua’s delight as she spun around to face the crowd, which included Kazuma who had stopped working. 

Aqua dumped a bucket of water over her head as she did the pseudo-shower of apparently Japanese tradition. Kazuma and Aqua were shown back in their original gear drinking milk. Whose vendor was just to the side of them in a purple apron and a light purple shirt with a white hat. Both Aqua and Kazuma held their left hands on their waists as they completely drained the glass jugs of milk.

The adventurer’s guild was shown at night and Kazuma bit into a drumstick and had to pull the meat apart with his teeth. Aqua bit into cheese on a fork before she and Kazuma bumped their Nereoid drinks together.

Kazuma threw a large blanket onto a pile of hay, which was finally free of horse scat. Aqua turned around and leapt backwards onto the blanket. Hands held close to her chest before she threw them out and upwards as she landed. Kazuma too was making a Y shape but he was face down into their new blanket.

Kazuma was finally working in unison with the other groundbreakers, but still wildly threw his head back and forth. …well mostly in sync, he was in a line with the others who were in actual synchronization. Kazuma operated the crane lifting up three more bricks to the top of the wall, and Aqua took a free ride. She waved some encouragement towards Kazuma as he got her level with the top of the wall.

Aqua and Kazuma were shown side by side as they did the bucket of water thing. They then banged their drinks together once more. They both sensed the presence of their construction co-workers and their eyes shrunk to pinpricks as they saw the entirety of the crew before them. Said crew was understandably pissed because of their lackluster work efforts. Kazuma and Aqua quietly shook in fear.

A white flash then Kazuma was shown line dancing with the other men, each of which was holding their own drinks. Everyone had their eyes closed as they swayed from side to side. Aqua bumped drinks with two of her co-workers as some of the tavern goers raised their mugs to the partying group of workers.

The camera zoomed out of Aqua chugging so much alcohol that even she had a small blush over her nose. Kazuma had a hand on his head as he closed his eyes and leaned back, nearly resting on his boss. In front of Kazuma was another filled to the brim mug, in fact the foam of the drink was overflowing. Next to the overflowing drink laid a plate of drum sticks. After that Kazuma rubbed Aqua’s back as she puked out a rainbow, a large one in fact with a modest puddle by their feet.

The next day Aqua slathered on more mortar in a sideways V shape, the duo did the bathtub bathing thing, and this time Aqua joined Kazuma in the conga line. The post dance drinking was skipped to replay the rainbow puking once more.

The dove lost the same amount of feathers as it heralded the dawn of a new day. 

Kazuma still made his overly exaggerated faces but this time he was in sync with the other workers, Aqua made a sideways V Mortar. Then Aqua and Kazuma drained their small glasses of milk. …the clip of Kazuma eating a drumstick and Aqua eating cheese replayed. They toasted their drinks and the full conga line was shown in this replay. Before it zoomed into Aqua’s cheerful but closed eyes face. As transparent liquid droplets filled the bottom half of the screen.

The droplets continued as it went to Kazuma’s face, also full of enjoyment.

The navy blue sky filled with stars as the camera raced up to show the full moon. The music reached a crescendo as Aqua and Kazuma, now finally having separate blankets of their own. Laid down on their sack of hay. A beat filled with the white noise of nightlife animals as their work closes were hung on a drying line above them.

“Wait, this isn’t right!” Kazuma lunged into a seating position.

“Really, what was your first indication?” Lergen snarked.

“What isn’t?” Aqua asked, not willing to exit the comfort of her blanket by sitting up.

Kazuma placed his hand over his mouth. “No, wait a second!”

That caused Aqua to shuffle herself upwards and push her blanket down to her hips. Her blue nightgown was just a shade lighter than her hair or her eyes, it had a bare neck with exposed shoulders. Her nightgown was prevented from falling by two white straps connected to a thick white band. Above her breasts was a small tie, a dark purple circle with yellow trim. The main body of the tie was red and ended in a white chevron.

“What’s wrong?” Aqua asked. “Did you forget to use the bathroom before bed? It’s dark. Do you want me to go with you?”

Kazuma jolted his hand away and crunched it into a fist as he glared at Aqua.

“No need! It's not that!” Kazuma yelled

The stable owner was apparently close enough to hear that and banged against the wall. …further frightening their horses if said animals were awake. Aqua’s hair twirled as Kazuma hunched into himself, fists near his chin in an ametur’s boxing pose. His eyes were pinpricks as he stared at the wall separating him and a potential beatdown because of a noise complaint. Aqua completed her motion and her final pose was that karate chop hand position.

“Keep it down!” Shouted back the stable owner as Aqua’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks.

The pseudo-couple twisted their spines as they waved their hands and closed their eyes in the exact same way.

“W-We’re sorry!” They both stuttered in the same way.

Kazuma spread mortar over a seam in the bricks before placing a new brick over the seam. Aqua was sat a few feet away on a wooden stool so she could make a higher layer of bricks. Kazuma picked up another brick and laid it upon the mortar.

“We didn’t come here to be laborers.” Kazuma said.

“Oh,” Aqua jolted out of autopilot and turned towards Kazuma. “That’s right!” 

Aqua pulled her brick and …mortar spreader thing away from her work station. “I need you to defeat the Demon King, or I’ll never be able to go home!”

Kazuma had a face of mute despair upon that. So much despair that the next scene was bathwater rippling as Kazuma gingerly lowered himself in.

“Her intelligence stat was lower than a human’s.” Kazuma thought.

“Oh, wait.” Aqua leaned over to Kazuma. Hand hiding a smirk. “You forgot as well.”

Kazuma hung his head.

Kazuma walked out of the bathhouse, carrying a small wooden box.

“All of the monsters near town have been long since exterminated.” Kazuma thought. “With no monsters, there's no need for anyone to give us fetch quests.”

================= Bloopers:

-during the pick a power section-

“I’m surprised that you didn’t say that Heroes marry into Belzerg’s Royalty if they killed a Demon King, and Nobility if they didn’t.” Darkness said. “Thus the Royal Family has abilities on par with the Heroic Cheats.”

“Why only Belzerg?” Aura asked.

“We’re the frontlines and have been for countless Demon Kings.” Megumin said.

“Thus the other nations provide elite troops to shore up our defenses and give other types of support. But the main financial backer of Belzerg is Elroad, a nation built on gambling.” Darkness clarified. Vol10 stuff.

------

“YOU CALL THAT REINCARNATION?!” Tanya yelled, trying to fly over to Kazuma to choke him. Luckily for Kazuma, Visha and Lergen knew Tanya very well and pinned her down. “THAT'S RESURRECTION NOT REINCARNATION!”

“Why would there be a separate term?” Aqua tilted her head.

“CAUSE THEY-” Weiss shoved an unwrapped chocolate bar into his superior’s mouth.

“Because they are widely different things.” Ristarte sighed, hanging her head at her fellow goddess’ stupidity.

--------------deleted cuz I was about to go into Christian-Norse relations and the Crusades.

The non-Military Records crew just sat there for a few seconds comprehending Yahweh’s Angels.

“Angels are also metaphors. Hence why the Cherubim have a human head for love, an ox head for strength, a lion’s head for majesty, and an eagle’s head for cunning.” Rudersdorf said. “Though as you can see on the left, the standard angel looks like a human, being the ones to interact with us most. “Be Not Afraid” does not help with that many eyes. The reason why they have white wings and halos, when they didn’t in the bible, is because the renaissance artists needed a way to differentiate their humans and angels.”

Satoru rested his head in his palms. “So, why did the Cherubim become the angel baby archers?”

“Valentine’s Day, a day where you’re supposed to give chocolate to your significant other.” Rudersdorf explained. “Thus the greco-roman minor deity named Eros/Cupid whose weaponry bestows love, usually in the romantic sense, to anyone they wound. Even himself. Got assimilated into said holiday, because we of the Abrahamic Faiths just love to take someone else’s properties and make it ours. Like what happened to Yuletide (a celebration of Norse’s Great God Odin) into a celebration of Jesus Christ’s birth.”

Satoru perked up. “Oh, right. Christians also transcribed the Norse Literature.”

The other worlds stared at the Military Records cast.

Rudersdorf raised an eyebrow, “Would you prefer the violent way known as the Crusades?”

----

Blooper: if the Axis Cultists were shown.

“This is my role, not yours!” Albedo thought.

In response a group of humans labeled the ‘Axis Cult (Aqua’s Faithful)’ were shown in all of their sexual deviancy. Particularly the various monsters charging the cultists, seeing/overhearing their affiliation, and instantly bolting for the horizon. An image was shown simply titled: Who controls art. On the bottom left was a monarch, in the middle was an eccentric millionaire, on the right was a furry with wads of cash.

“If there is a hole there is a way?” Zettour held his head in his hands. “What is this, the Roman Empire in popular depiction?”

“Oh, splendid. Yet more Eight Fingers-like organizations.” Sebas thought, ki bristled underneath his skin. “Thankfully this one doesn’t have any slave-brothels. …or at least ones that Weaver has yet to reveal to us.”

The others, save Darkness and Megumin, sat in silence absorbing the Axis Cult.

“So, Yggdrasil closed down without any word of a sequel or something.” Aqua, the Goddess of Monster Fuckers and other sexually societal Outcasts, shook her head no. “And that’s just the furries/heteromorph-only players. Especially considering that Name Recognition is just as valuable, if not more so, than Gold.”

“Especially since Satoru’s Earth had only humans and thus Yggdrasil (and its contemporaries) would be one of the only escapes from the cruelty of man.” Aqua raised her hands into a confused shrug. “And the other races couldn’t sabotage their ‘harmless’ reputations like hippos. Compared to Shark’s reputation of monsters always on the prowl.”

“Again, we are just as monstrous as you think we are.” Shalltear and Demiurge thought, cupping their heads in their hands.

“Unfortunately like Bitch/Whore did for women in general, Balscus ruined religions for Mr. Naofumi.” Raphtalia thought, rubbing her temples. “Otherwise you would maybe have a new convert. If you weren’t so lust focused.” “So, your solution to you using people from a nation of declining birth rates and put them into a world of declining birth rates.” Tanya thought. “Was to reincarnate the people from the world of declining birth rates back into Japan. I’ve heard that [If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it] from the Americans. But this is ridiculous.”

=======Preview.

s1ep5/6:

“Why? Did you aim for his arm?” Puck’s tail twitched, Rem’s pinprick eyes were reflected in Puck’s very sharp teeth.  “Why am I not the only one of his allies to kill him?”

S1ep7 re:zero

A pair of hands grasped Subaru’s and broke him out of his nightmare.

The oni twins merely turned their heads towards Subaru as they remember the first interaction they were allowed to keep.

“A simple hand holding is what caused you to forgive us?” Ram stated with half-lidded eyes. “You are far too kind, unnaturally so. The barest of bare minimums of kindness do not make up for what we did.”

….

Subaru leapt off the cliff.

“No, I retract that unnatural kindness comment.” Ram said. “You’re insane. Literally insane.” 

S1ep8 of re:zero.

-------

“So, not only are you completely and utterly insane.” Tanya threw her hands up. “But you don’t even give yourself any rest? Seriously, wait a day or two before you are all chummy with those demons.”

“Racing against a dog clock, remember?” Subaru said.

S1ep14 of re:zero.

“Rem. Rem.” Subaru muttered as he dragged himself through the tragedy around him.

“I’ll count this as healing.” Rem said as she stared down at her hands.

Subaru opened his mouth.

“Yes, I know that it’s because you don’t want to actualize the thought of Emilia being hurt.” Rem spoke before Subaru could. “But thinking about people that have harmed you being hurt, is perfectly normal and a sane thing to do. Which you are in short supply of both.”

-------------------

S1ep2 of Shield Hero:

“You need to trust more.” Subaru said.

“You need to trust LESS!” Naofumi, Tanya, and Ainz shouted back at him.

---------------------

[0] Said angel being completely and utterly terrible was, in fact, the trigger for the party actually killing the demon king. By provoking Aqua’s good hearted nature with the fact that no one else is coming after Kazuma until Aqua is returned. No natives. No isekais. Nothing. Thus the Demon King thinks Kazuma is the Doom Slayer.

[1]the reason why I say this, is because in vol 4 (later half of season 2) Kazuma expresses shock at finding an Elf and Dwarf in Aqua’s church-town. So, elves and dwarves must skip Axel if they come. Also in vol 10, even another human nation does not want to support Belzerg. So why would non humans (other than Aqua and Eris) help? Remember that Belzerg has held back this current demon king for 7 centuries, several of them even before the Crimson Demon clan was made.

To the point where the Belzerd nobility have agreements for the Talentless. If a Talentless only kills a General, then they can marry into the nobility. The Dustiness Family (aka Darkness family) which has only accepted defensive cheats, there’s a rival family for offensive cheats. The royal family itself only accepts the Talentless who actually killed a Demon King. So, the other nations and races are basically blissfully unaware of the danger that the world is in. (which isn’t really shown because it's a comedy series).

Afterall, Belzerg has stood for many generations of Demon Kings, why should this one be any different.

[2]Yes, I know that the common fanon is that all water molecules would disappear with Aqua’s death. But that’s not how I interpated the debate between Aqua, Megumin, Darkness, and Lucy (vol14). But what about Eris not having big boobs if all her faithful believe that she has them? To which I reply: Fanon has Eris being an ascended human like Ristarte. I forget if that is actually canon to the ln, but that is what I am using.

Thus, like Ristarte and Cerceus, Eris is immune (or at least resistant) to attempts to mold her form and facts about her.

[3]in canon, Dragons do have Arcana but that only grants magic resist for them. The smell and stat increase is also canon. Again, I am spending far too much time trying to make sense out of a comedy series.

[4]Yeah it’s canon that Wiz is literally the reason why Konosuba’s Demon King isn’t overlord vol14/later half of s4, or any of the Overly Cautious Demon Kings.

AN: Brain: hey you know what’s a good idea? Use the power picking section to brainstorm powers. Me actually writing: oh hell no. even though I did come up with powers and how to connect them into explaining Actual Speed v Esoteric Speed (using DC’s Flash) vs Action Economy (using Brain Unglaus). That is just too unwieldy, SO STOP APPEARING IN MY MIND, BRAIN!

In other news, that thing about Mare smashing the ice statute of Brain? Yeah I thought it was a personal smack with his staff, ‘comedic’ or otherwise. Not that Brain was caught up in the AOE of Mare’s spells. So Mare is surprisingly less of an asshole than I thought he was.

"I respect you enough to command my subordinates to freeze you into cryostasis, take your weapon as a trophy, but not enough to move your body out of the AOE of my coworker." -Cocytus to Brain.

Unless the road the nobles took to Ainz’ rubble throne was the street Brain defended, then Cocytus must have asked Mare not to destroy the street.

In other news: I’ve got a tumblr, worldweaverofmediocrity. Go there to see progress updates on this story (and maybe others)

I want to have subaru discuss the normal cour length of 12/13 episodes, thus he mistakenly believes that most of the mansion loops (such as the ones where the Oni Twin were cruel to him) wouldn’t be featured in favor of saving the screen time for pete. Thus, he (alone in his head) doesn’t need to explain why he committed a (heroic) suicide nor why he isn’t deeply afraid of said twins. Nor his self harming habit. Or his fear of chains. But I have no idea where to put that, maybe I should save that for the next re:zero episode.

…and i basically lost my first job because of crippling anke pain/constantly under preforming. So job search twice in one year. …yay -_-

I don’t expect to live past 8/30/23, because I have an endoscopy and that requires anatheisa (the part i’m worried about) i’ve underwent that far too many times (like 15+ because when I was 6-8 I had to do an endoscopy every six weeks), so i’ve rolled the dice too amny times. If I don’t take this down in like 5 days, then i’m dead. Writing this last bit during a panick attack.

#isekai quartet #re:zero #overlord #saga of tanya the evil #the overpowered hero is overly cautious #overly cautious hero #overly cautious #konosuba #writing #my writing #the rising of the shield hero

[deans-baby-momma]

The Story of Us-Chapter 8

A/N: This is a rewrite of a story my good friend @spnbaby-67 allowed me to take and rewrite. All mistakes are mine. This is canon divergent, meaning some things that happened in the show will still happen here but with my own twist to it.

Summary: She and Dean met when they were kids. Even at such a young age, she knew that he was her soulmate. Being the daughter of a hunter, Michaela (Micki) Singer knew the life he led came with a price, but she was up to the challenge.

Pairings: Dean Winchester/reader, Sam Winchester/friend!reader, John Winchester, Mary Winchester (mentioned only), Bobby Singer, and more from the Supernatural universe.

Warnings: Flashbacks are in italics, fluffy stuff, angst stuff, character death, kidnapping, depression, semi-dark themes

WC: 1,556

Winter (early February) 2000

It's been a little over 2 years since Micki had broken up with Dean and after he and his dad left,  she never saw or heard from him. 

She hadn't really meant to break up with him; had said it was over out of anger but he'd been gone before she had a chance to apologize. And he never called nor returned to Sioux Falls.

At graduation, her dad had been the only one there to clap and cheer for her. Dean had swore he'd be there and be her loudest supporter. But alas when the time came, he was nowhere around.

She couldn't really blame him though as she'd never reached out to him either. She'd just been so pissed at him first for blaming her for the pregnancy scare and secondly for just shrugging it off, pledging to do better; to always wear a condom.

That wasn't the point and she had hoped he would understand just how great of a mistake they had made. But he just acted as if it was no big deal. It was, to her!

Now, she is a graduate of Sioux Falls High and instead of heading off to college as her Dad had suggested,  Micki had opted to stay back and man the multiple phone lines her dad had.

She was the secretary for the FBI, the police and the CIA but she also answered the calls that came in for her dad about handling monsters and demons.

A few of the hunters that have called in end up showing up on their doorstep and Micki begins getting to know one in particular, Steve Franklin. Steve was a little bit older than Micki but had been privy of monsters and demons for much longer.

He was chasing a monster that had taken out a whole family in a couple states over. It was the first time Steve had run across anything like it, so he called Bobby and showed up with the evidence to pore over the lore books.

He and Micki hit it off and before he left to go take care of what they had learned was a rugaru, he'd asked her out.

Steve and Micki had dinner at the local diner in town and then went to the movie theater to watch X-men. They ended up in Bobby's driveway, liplocked and quickly rounding second base.

The only thing stopping them was headlights shining through the windshield and the driver's side door opening before Steve got jerked out of his seat.

Micki scrambled out the still open car door to see what was going on. What she sees in front of her equally baffles her and enrages her. Dean fucking Winchester is slamming his fist into Steve's face.

"Goddammit Dean!" she yells. "Stop!"

He lands one more punch to Steve's bloodied face before he lets go of the other man's color, making Steve fall to the ground. 

"What the fuck Mick?" Dean says, stalking across the gravel toward her. "You just out slutting it up with every Tom, Dick and Harry?"

The slap echoes as Dean's head whips to the left. He is stunned into silence. 

"Listen here you asshole! It's none of your goddamn business what I've been doing. We-" Micki gestures between them. "-broke up and you left. I haven't heard from you in two fucking years! How dare you come back here and call me a slut! I hate you!"

The tears are streaming down her face, ruining the makeup she'd spent two hours on, her chest is heaving with anger and she grits her teeth so hard her jaw begins to hurt. 

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

Before Dean can answer, the screen door screeches and her father steps out  with a rifle poised to shoot. He looks at the scene before him. Micki's tear-stained red face, Dean's remorseful expression and Steve still on the ground, groaning in pain.

"I heard shouting," he explains as he decocks the gun and lowers it. "What the hell is going on?!"

While Bobby is helping Steve to get cleaned up and out the door, Micki and Dean sit at the kitchen table; Micki still seething and Dean penitent. Neither of them say a word as Bobby ushers Steve out of the house and to his car before he comes back in, “What in the world is going on with you two idjits?”

They both start speaking at the same time. “He ruined my date!” “She was practically fucking that guy right out there!”

Bobby holds his hand up to silence them. He shakes his head and turns to click the coffee pot on. It’s too late (or too early) to be dealing with this shit. As soon as the water starts percolating, he turns back to the two lovebirds.

“Dean,” he sighs as he runs a hand down his face. “You broke my little girl’s heart. That right there gives me every right to shoot you full of holes. And Mick, honey. I know he hurt you and left but did you even give him a chance to talk before you laid into him?”

Micki had ultimately had to tell her dad about the pregnancy scare and that she had broken up with Dean. It’d broken Bobby’s heart hearing that she had gone through that alone and hadn’t come to him. Did he think she was too young at that time to have a baby? Damn straight! Hell, she’s still too young in his eyes but what was done was done and he would’ve loved the child immensely, if there had been one.

“Dad,” Micki whined. “He had no right to pull Steve out of his truck and wail on him like he did. I’m not his property!”

Both men looked at the grown woman sitting there grumbling like a petulant child. 

“She was…she…they….ugh!” Dean tries to defend his actions but he knows he was in the wrong and there is really no justification for his behavior, other than that he was extremely jealous. “I’m sorry. I just….I pulled up and saw them getting hot and heavy and I just…I went into a rage okay?” He turns to Micki to look her dead-on. “ Don't you get it Michaela? I got pissed because I.....I love you."

Micki is shocked at his confession. He had never uttered those three words to her. In all the years they were together, even when she said them, he never repeated them back to her. 

And now, two years after they break up, he says he loves her?! He willingly and freely admitted he does actually have a heart that feels? 

She can't help but to think it's just a ploy to get laid though. Was he out there striking out and thought she'd be an easy target if he told her he loved her? 

Or had he finally grown a pair and was ready to admit his feelings? 

PRESENT DAY (2008)

Dean shushes and utters loving words to  Micki as he wipes the tears from her face. 

"Baby, whatever it is, we can get through it if you wake up," he whispers as he rocks her listless body. "I need you to wake up honey. We need you. Please babe, show me those beautiful eyes, so full of love and adoration."

After a few minutes, Micki seems to calm down and no more tears escape her closed eyes. Dean settles her back into her spot and arranges himself around her, pulling her head onto his chest, like she had slept so many nights before he went to Hell. 

He closes his eyes and immediately his mind starts pulsing with flashbacks of eerie screams and flickers of his bruised and bloody body hanging midair by chains and hooks in his skin. 

He opens his eyes wide and stares at the ceiling of their shared bedroom, trying to calm his racing heart and toxic self-hatred. 

The only thing that brings him to the present is movement to his side before his 

daughter makes her presence known.

Dean slides out from under Micki and sits up to see Maren awake and cooing, kicking her little legs.

"Hello beautiful. Did you have a nice nap, my love?"

Dean picks his little girl up, cradling her in his arms as he sits back onto the mattress against the headboard.

"Your mom is Superwoman," he tells the baby in his arms. "She is so good and pure and honorable. She's too good for your old man, I tell you that."

Dean looks down at the comatose woman beside him. He loves her so much, they've been through a lot of shit together and she always amazed him with her resiliency, the way she could bounce back from whatever crummy and atrocious situation the couple found themselves in..

"I'm not worthy of her love and loyalty. I'm nothing but a grunt, a lowly peon," Dean admits as he looks from the first love of his life to the newest one. "She is the phenomenon, a one in a million natural. And I hope you grow up to be just like her, Maren Jade Winchester."

"That name has a nice ring to it," Dean hears before looking up from his little girl's gorgeous face. 

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @spnbaby-67​ @tftumblin​ @sea040561​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @atc74​ @vicariouslythruspn​ @squirrelnotsam​  @sandlee44​ @blacktithe7​ @hoboal87​ @mogaruke​ @deanwanddamons​ @supraveng​ @deandreamernp​ @akshi8278​ @lyarr24​ @maggiegirl17​ @chriszgirl92​

#dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #micki singer #dean x micki #the story of us #flashbacks

[fleurdelouve]

Hi, ladies! I know we shouldn't worry about canon when shipping our favorite ships, but I can't help being a little worried about the future of SarahBucky given that Bucky and Yelena will be co-leads in Thunderbolts. Do we think Marvel will pair Bucky with Yelena romantically or will they stick to SarahBucky, since Malcolm Spellman admitedly planted hints to a future relationship? I know he's not writing Thunderbolts, but there has to be some continuity, right??

Hey Nony,

So, first thing’s first: you’re totally right about not worrying about canon. All the anxiety in the world isn’t going to change what the writers decide to do in the canon universes (either in the comics or in the movies/shows). It’s a use of energy that could go into so many other things that will not make you anxious.

Personally, I think it would be a pretty weird choice for them to have completely ignored the very-much-comic-canon love story of Natasha and Bucky for the entire run of the MCU, only to throw Yelena at him now because they’re working together. From a character standpoint, it doesn’t make a ton of sense. If they care about the comics at all (which, okay, we know they don’t) then they would respect Yelena’s canon asexuality and not put her with anyone. If they want to piggyback off what everyone loved about her performance in Hawkeye, they’d put her with Kate Bishop as an off-screen pairing ala Pepper Potts in Age of Ultron.

Now from a Bucky standpoint, it’s an even WEIRDER choice for him to go for Yelena when, at best, he remembers her as one of the little girls he trained in the Red Room when they were both brainwashed killers. At worst, he knows she’s an assassin/mercenary who spent a lot of time last Christmas trying to kill a guy he used to work with. None of that screams “Totally Bucky’s Type” to me.

This also depends on what they do with Bucky and Sarah in Cap 4. If Spellman writes a full romance/relationship for them in that movie and the events of CA:NWO don’t do anything to mess that up, then it makes extra no sense for Bucky to be scoping out something new with Yelena in the very next movie he appears in.

All that to say that since we don’t know what’s going to happen, we shouldn’t work ourselves up worrying over it. And remember: the very best thing about a fandom community like this is that no matter what happens in canon, we have the power to change it, fix it, re-write it, or completely ignore it with what we create in fanfic.

#answered asks #sarahbucky #cap 4 #thunderbolts

[sukirainbow]

[+18 Fic] A short time

Fandom: NARUTO Rating: Explicit - 18+ Content Pairing: Nagato x Yahiko x Konan Characters: Nagato, Konan, Yahiko Content: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Masturbation, Caught, caught masturbating, Scent Kink, sexual punishment (consensual), Spanking, Spitroasting, Threesome - F/M/M, Trans Konan, Sex Toys, Anal Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Top Yahiko, Bottom Nagato, top Konan, technically they're all verse but here it's Nagato getting the pounding Word count: 3425 - one shot, complete Summary: Nagato leaves Konan and Yahiko on a movie date. He comes home after making sure no one would bother them, and decides to tidy up a bit while his housemates are out. He makes a surprising discovery in one of his friend’s closets and makes a terrible decision to spend the rest of his evening.

This one seemed to have been pretty popular, people like when I make Nagato a little perv lol

First part of the fic under the cut, click the link for the whole fic

Once more, Yahiko and Konan went on a date at the cinema. Nagato, being the great wingman that he is, let them go alone and made sure none of the other Akatsuki folks that were jealous or who wanted to mess with them knew about the date. He was now home alone and was doing some cleaning so that they'd come back to a well tidied house.

Nagato was usually the one doing the cleaning among these 3. He wasn't a complete clean freak but he liked things organized, his parents had taught him early how to keep his space clear of clutter. That meant he'd usually also clean up Konan and Yahiko spaces, going through their stuff etc. The two didn't mind, since they'd always shared their stuff when they were homeless.

He had just finished organizing everything and only had Konan's wardrobe to tidy up. She wasn't completely messy but she had a habit of not carefully taking stuff out of it so that other clothes would fall off and soon it was a mess. Nagato didn't mind organizing her closet for her at all so it was fine. He picked up all the clothes that had fallen and folded them to put them back in neatly. 

Once he was done, he noticed a new box at the bottom of the closet, hidden under her underwear basket. He wondered what it could be and let curiosity take the better of him and decided to open it. Nagato's birthday was coming up in a few days. He was the kind of person that had to snoop around to know what surprises his friends were preparing. He thought that might be Konan's gift for him. Alas, he was wrong.

He opened it and found a rather long and cylindrical pink device. He understood immediately what that was and blushed, closing the box. He was mortified that he had allowed himself to snoop around her stuff to find that she owned a sex toy. He wondered when she even had the time to use such a device as they were almost always all present at home.

Except now. He was alone.

...

#naruto fic #nagayahikonan #ame orphans #ame trio #nagato uzumaki #naruto fanfiction #nagato #konan #yahiko #my fics

[starbase-yorktown]

I used to think you were the strong one.

We were both strong, but I used to think you were the strong one. I was the shadow, the protector. You were the one that seemed to actively search out trouble, to dare Death and spite God with your each breath--your each breath taken in with lungs diseased to fuel a body small and oft broken. If life was a brick wall, you--blinding star, falling asteroid--were a sledgehammer. 

You were the strong one, because for me it was easy to be strong. For you...you were strong when it shouldn’t have been possible. 

And so, the pattern unfolded. I was strong. You were stronger. On and on we went, falling from each other, falling in and out of hands unkind and cruel. 

Break apart. Mend. Break apart again. Staples and thread and glue. Soldier, keep on marching. 

Keep on marching, marching, marching as we kept falling--falling from trains and skies and rooftops, through air and time and water, into snow and ice and dust--

You stood up, whole enough to keep upright, head tall. I crawled on fractured limbs and shredded skin, my tongue trapped behind a stapled mouth I pried free with bloodied fingers. 

But I’ve had it backwards, it seems. My tongue turns bitter, my temples pound in time with my chest and my fists both flesh and steel, because it was all a masquerade, a cheat, a lie. I kept fighting for you, I kept fighting for me, because strong and stronger, but now it all is upside down. The blue I thought was the sea is the sky, the gray I thought clouds concrete racing to strike me. Strong and stronger, stronger and stronger still. We fell through dimensions, lost all and every, shattered upon wastelands and scattered along hillsides, and I clawed forward because stronger and stronger still! Because we fell and fell but could count on the fact that we fell together; no matter our speed or the time we lost our footing, we fell and gravity’s pull, the will of time, the surety of physics--we would eventually land anew. But now, the sky is the ground, and SPLAT--

Stronger and stronger still. 

....And I realize. 

You...you are not strong at all. You are a coward. You were dead, long ago. You are neither the strong one nor the stronger one. Because you found a way to reverse your fall. You saw a cheap out, and you took it; you threw the lever, hit the switch, turned the knob. Your plane stopped nosediving and instead found a safe landing, and you left me. You left me to plummet alone, to crawl upward alone, to finally stand--alone--stronger, and look to stronger still to say, “Look...I made it...somehow...” only to find dust settling and my mended bones and scarred skin alone.

You didn’t think the life we had made was worth the dead, the loved ones worth the heartache. You didn’t think the ahead was worthy of the behind, and what does that say about the me that was before you? What does that say about the you that you’d made? 

You were never the strong one. You--the one trapped in limbo, transfixed to that rose-colored window, to the photo albums--you were never the strong one! A thunderstorm breaks overhead, hot rain falling from monsoon skies to creep into the cracks and crevices of my patchwork skin with the scars and holes I so painstakingly pieced back together, and I close my eyes and feel myself still in that free-fall. My back will one day hit snowy hillside, and I will feel nothing but pride because you are not the strong one, I AM!

I have always been the strong one. I have always been the stronger, and I weep and laugh to the down-pouring heavens as they bathe a world without you. You coward. You weakling child, I hate you.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

We were not meant to defy gravity. And yet you did, because you so feared hitting the water, plane shattering around you. All of us, the world we made, we were such hell to you that you could not bear staying. 

I do not fear gravity. I no longer fear the fall. And I hope, you selfish bastard, that you find you hate what you’ve done to yourself--that flying was a grave error, that you yearn for gravity’s embrace now forever from your reach. And that you spend the rest of your days in longing regret. 

Because I am the stronger one now. And I shall fall without fear and shatter upon the Earth at the end of my days--smiling and content. 

#fanfic #fanfiction #prose #avengers endgame #endgame #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #if you want to read it that way #fandom #LISTEN #i have been having SOME ISSUES with this movie #and i wanted to take them out on steve #because fuck you rogers #none of this movie was in character but alas it is now canon so i gotta work with it #this is me working with it #aka yelling at steve through bucky

[bukojuiice]

— when they read self-insert fanfictions of themselves

ೃ pairings: (izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugo, and shoto todoroki, x gn! reader)

ೃ  tags: headcanons, tooth rotting fluff and a lot of fanfic cliches

ೃ warnings: none

ೃ  my nav  →  my mha masterlist  → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau

ೃ if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

ೃ inspired by the wonderful @leafydraws self-aware bakugo and todoroki art that gave me the serotonin boost to make this! 🥺​

KATSUKI BAKUGO: 

- katsuki knows. he's read it all. mutual pining, enemies to lovers, amnesia fics, fairytale aus, soulmate aus... name it and he's read them at least once. behind your back of course. simply because he’d be too embarrassed to even admit it anyway.

- he’s secretly a hopeless romantic. it's a cute quirk of his that he doesn't want anyone else to know and has become one of the qualities that you absolutely adore about him. his mother's fascination for rom-coms and romance novels (which, according to him, he had to "suffer" through when he was a kid) fueled his hidden interest in shoujo mangas.

- he reads them because of the beautiful art and the "cool and bad-ass" male love interests that he wants to portray in real life to impress you. but alas, your man just outright exposes himself when you catch him reading Ouran High School Host Club and My Little Monster, two manga series that feature adorkable and care-free male protagonists whom are the exact opposite of everything your boyfriend stands for.

- and so, romance fics are not a foreign concept to him. he's especially interested in mafia aus because he is absolutely enthralled over the fact that people headcanon him as a sexy mafia boss or in royal aus, where he’s this hot and bad-ass king of a prosperous kingdom. you bet he reads them at 3 in the morning on AO3 with his phone's brightness on the low. sometimes, he tries to sniff away his tears because how are these writers able to write him damn good? it’s the ✨characterization and hurt/comfort for bakugo ✨

SHOTO TODOROKI:

- your icy-hot cutie has absolutely no idea what fanfictions are. in fact, he doesn’t even know how (y/n)/reader-insert fics even work or how you’re supposed to read them.

- fanfiction is a very foreign concept to him. well, it isn’t necessarily your traditional book or novel that you can find on your shelf or in the bookstore like harry potter or percy jackson, so you understood his naivete on this particular subject very well. when you introduced shoto to the concept of fanfiction and it’s online community however, it was as if he had opened the doors to a new world.

- “what does (y/n) mean?” he innocently asks one time. (oh god he’s truly a pure and sweet cinnamon roll who could do nothing wrong in this world.) “it means your name.” you reply promptly, quietly giggling at your boyfriend’s curiosity.

“oh... so should i read it like this? shoto gazed into shoto’s heterochromatic eyes..?”

“shoto babe, t-that’s... not how you read it love.”

- shoto is a fluff connoisseur through and through. baby fics, friends to lovers, sharing a bed, and coffee shop aus are some of his all-time faves. he likes to read fics that are easier to understand and read ones that can bring a quick smile to his face. but, there are times when he gets too invested. one of those times was when he became a little too immersed into a 50k word angst fic (a genre he barely reads by the way) and his pretty eyes are so glued to the screen that when he finished it, he spent half of the entire day being consoled by you because of how emotionally hurt and affected he was. that fic truly made an impact on him and it was going to take a long time before he could gain the courage to read another one soon.

IZUKU MIDORIYA:

- you’ve always known how bookish izuku is from the very beginning. how observant he is, how he tends to ramble and talk about things passionately and in detail are truly some of the traits of someone who reads a lot. it’s no surprise though. izuku is quite a nerd and a fanboy, so him reading stories online about All Might or of superheroes he sees on movies and comic books were not far off.

- in fact, he reads the fics with you. it’s like having a little ol’ book club but only you and your seaweed-haired boyfriend were the only members. magic aus, cross-overs, canon divergence, historical aus, or just anything story-heavy and detailed are his most read. slow burn fics is also where it's ar for him! what’s even better is that you read some of these long ones with him sometimes and its cute to see him so immersed and you just want to pinch his cheeks.

- izu’s really into reading multi-chapter fics. one that can rival actual existing books and novellas. 50k words? that wasn’t a challenge for him. he’d read through everything and he’d ponder over them right after. discussing them with you and just a lot of cute little rambles coming from him that make you fall for him even more.

- when izuku finally gathered the courage to read self-insert fics of him, his flustered expression and shy composure had no end. he was blushing all through out when he read his first drabble (which was only composed of 300 words by the way) because he’s so in awe and so grateful over the fact that people write stories about him and now, it feels like he's part of those same famous people and characters he used to read stories of.

ೃ taglist: @chibishae34 ​  @lovelytarou ​ @ramunegoddess ​, @serossimpy​ @laudthingcat @f0leysgurl

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #deku x reader #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #mha #bnha #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader

[rivertalesien]

Spoilers ahead.

So I want to talk a little about Black Widow, how it's a film that definitely should have been made years ago, how it borrows heavily (and well) from CAaTWS, the Jason Bourne films, and Salt, how Florence Pugh really shines in this, how I liked that the Black Widows were just badasses and not used for sexual sport or seduction, David Barbour in that suit, Rachel Weisz in *that* suit, the lack of any other Avengers or related characters (save General Ross), but mostly just how this wasn't really a Black Widow movie, brought us nothing we didn't already know at least a little or guess a little of, and didn't really connect with Natasha Romanoff's ending, excepting the post-credits scene (adding in all those BWs and a Russian super soldier who were no-shows in Endgame and never-mentions throughout the film series really puts this film far outside of where it should have/could have been).

The Natasha we knew over the course of all the Avenger's films and a few side gigs for Iron Man and Captain America was summed up in one line from CAaTWS: "Who do you want me to be?" She is the ultimate token female super agent/spy/warrior who never exists for herself, but only in service of someone else's story.

In this film, it might be her service to Pugh's Yelena, Natasha's younger "sister" from The Red Room, after she is freed from a mind control experiment to go on and become her own kind of superhero. She doesn't really become Natasha's protégé, ala Tony Stark/Peter Parker (a story development that really didn't need to happen, either), but she does have Natasha around as a sort of shepherd, giving her hope for redemption and a new start (along with a new franchise addition, no doubt).

While we are introduced to figures from Natasha's past (Weisz and Barbour are so much fun to watch), and she is allowed a (very cool) moment to free herself from an emotional burden we never really got to see her carry before (thus negating its impact), the best bits really belong to Pugh, so once again, Natasha is basically a token character on someone else's ride. And none of the Wonder Boys from her previous films even show up to give her some support. Eh.

If this film had come out right after Civil War (where it belongs in the canon), it would have been a welcome reprieve from the Wonder Boy's Club, and would have given us some characters who might have worked well in Infinity War/Endgame and given Natasha a greater emotional connection, people who care about her beyond looking Sad (tm) after her sacrifice. But it's hard not to see how even in a cinematic sense, Natasha was always something of an afterthought.

The film is a hoot though, and Pugh, again, really stands out (as she should), with Johannson taking a mostly graceful step back. Big of her, really, considering how Natasha was used throughout the Avenger's run.

From the post-credits scene it's pretty clear Pugh will be taking over the Black Widow title , but it looks, for now, that her next appointment is likely only in support for a Hawkeye film, not her own adventure.

It's a tradition.

#Black Widow #spoilers #Scarlet Johannson #Florence Pugh #Marvel #MCU #that post-credits scene though #really underlined how dismissed Natasha was #How nothing was about her ever #and now never will be #what more could disney do to water this down? #all that said #props to director #cate shortland #who has a deft touch for the humorous as well as action scenes #if only they'd made this an origin story #instead of borrowing from all of the above #i mean there were times when the Bourne energy hit like a few of the cars that plow into Natasha in this film #I'm sure Europeans never tire of seeing their streets and cities demolished by us in films

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alright, chapter 8! And man is there a lot to talk about here. I don’t really have any pre-content things to say, so we’ll just hop right into it today!

[No. 8 - Rage, You Damned Nerd]

I swear, this first page has a LOT to talk about on it, so I’ll go from panel to panel and do some rambling thoughts on each segment. 

First off, UA doesn’t actually handle the costumes the kids get! It’s support companies affiliated with the school that does - which makes sense, since the school has to focus on teaching their support students before letting them get their hands on actual costumes that these kids might be fighting in.

I mean, they seem to be allowed to practice on like, minor support stuff (read: Mei making Izuku his new gloves post-Nighteye or somewhere around there) but not full costuming, which is… actually a bit reassuring? But also explains some of the lag time in getting costume repairs / upgrades since they’re probably busy companies. It also explains why there probably aren’t major alterations to any costumes besides between the summer and winter variants, since it would be time-consuming to remake these costumes so regularly.

(It still doesn’t excuse some of the costumes the kids got, but that’s more on the whole ‘eye candy’ thing for readers than actual practicality, so whatever.)

(Also, I can’t get over the fact that Snipe has a support company. Fucking Snipe. Guess we know another canon or likely-canon Support teacher.)

Next we get a preview of what the kids sent in for specifications for their costumes:

We get a bit of insight into a few of the characters - as background stuff, we get Shouji, Mineta, Aoyama, and Sato. Mineta got pretty dunked on for char design and costuming, and Aoyama’s costume almost looks like a magical girl outfit like this, which honest to god would have been fantastic to see him in. More interesting (at least to me) are the other three: Ochako, Tenya, and Katsuki.

Ochako first, because that pressure point thing is interesting, and I dunno how often those actually come up in fics besides a passing mention, like. What if her support bracelets / neck piece broke during training / a mission / whatever? Would she suddenly have to fight through the nausea? By the point of current canon (War Arc) she’s probably trained enough that she doesn’t need them as much, but man, it could be an interesting little thing to explore, like, post-Kamino.

Tenya is a bit surprising, since we know he comes from a well-off hero family. Logically, this was before the whole Hosu / Ingenium plotline was really developed, so Tenya didn’t have that to fall back on, or it could be argued that the support company that Ingenium is associated with also works with UA. Alternatively, it could be that either Tenya didn’t want to rely on his family (which seems silly when they’d know how to work with his quirk best) or UA is very firm on ALL costume stuff going through them…

But then again, Katsuki. Oh god, Katsuki. What fucking support company looked at this kid and went ‘yeah we should give him a way to store more explosives AND give him bombs’ and just. Did so. Why did UA not vet that. Maybe the support company didn’t realize how strong his explosions were without the gear, but UA, man, I just. I suppose they had no way of knowing how reckless he’d be with them, but honestly, after the battle trials, they should have been fucking yoinked from him so damned fast. 

Anyways, onto other parts of Katsuki’s costume, we see he’s a fucking dork. Possibly what lowered their guard. ‘Something scary’ and ‘Dynamighte all over’. What the hell, kid. At least your designer stuck close to your design… including the huge-ass clunky gauntlets. Man, the Musketeer Trio movie poster ones are so much better looking and so, so streamlined. Works of art, they are.

Moving on, we get a bit of a flashback to ~three weeks ago, which by the calendar would be around March 20th? So a few weeks after the Entrance Exam. And Izuku is only NOW getting around to updating the quirk registry? Izuku baby seriously, how the FUCK did none of the UA staff notice the ‘quirkless’ on your application form at any point before this?

But yeah, he’s worried about his registry, so he calls Toshinori, who explains the update process. It gives the example of someone who might alter their stuff with updated information, with one or two allowed - though major ones aren’t accepted. Toshinori then says it’ll probably be okay since he started with nothing, then tries to correct himself to ‘definitely’, only to get cut off because Izuku accidentally hangs up in a panic when Inko calls out that she’s home. Haha poor Toshinori, and poor Izuku, the two anxious dumbasses. 

Anyways, moving on from that is Inko showing off the jumpsuit she made, with Izuku surprised. She admits it’s not the coolest, but she based it off of the design in his notebook (the one we saw back in chapter 1). She tells him she regrets giving up on him back then, and how he never quit regardless of her faith. She apologizes and says from there on she’ll be cheering him on with all she’s got. 

Izuku’s narration notes that it’s a symbol of his mom’s love, and that he couldn’t wear anything else, even if it’s not ‘efficient’ or ‘cutting edge’. (Or even at all decent looking.) And it’s also hinted through the present thoughts on it that it’s meant to be an homage to All Might (the smile and the hair pieces) which is just such a dorky thing.

We get to the wide-spread of hero costumes, which- wait a second.

That’s Momo’s initial hero costume design???? Why did Hori not stay with that??? It’s a LOT better than the stuff we’ve seen her in later! Like, sure, it’d still be improved with the main opening being her stomach and not her chest, but this still looks like actual human clothing and not a sexy Halloween costume variant of her hero uniform. Fucking hell, now I’m even more mad.

Tsuyu’s costume meets the approval of the discord server as basically ‘no changes needed’ asides from maybe the goggles being a bit bulky.

Tenya’s costume, I’m sorry, I know it’s an homage to your brother / family, but were the additional pipes really needed? Also, the helmet isn’t a bad idea since he goes fast, and bugs in the mouth/teeth have to suck, but it just looks so damned Gundam-y I can’t help but laugh a little.

Shouto… nah, too easy a target.

Aoyama is Aoyama. I’m actually a bit disappointed now that it’s not a magical girl costume, but alas, I suppose even Hori couldn’t be that brave.

Kaminari… I forgot he had that headset thingy. 

Don’t really have much else to say about anyone else, so let’s move on.

Izuku bugs out a bit about Ochako’s costume/appearance, while she compliments his more practical looks and laments not being specific, saying it’s a bit too puffy and curvy for her. Which means it’s more the accessories which seem to be her issue with it over the main costume itself? Huh.

Anyways, after All Might confirms they’re all there, he notices Izuku’s headpieces, which are a match to his costume, and has to turn to muffle a laugh for how obvious a reference it is. Tenya steps up, asking whether they’ll be doing cityscape maneuvers again since it’s the same field used in the entrance exam. Izuku thinks to himself how cool Tenya’s costume is, while All Might explains that they’re moving onto step two - indoor anti-personnel battle training!

He explains what while villain battles are most commonly seen outdoors, statistically the worst crimes and villains are more likely to be found indoors. Confinement, house arrest, black market deals… the clever villains luck indoors to avoid heroes. Which is why the class will be split into teams of two and pit against each other, heroes versus villains style!

Ah, Tsuyu. Calling him right the heck out, as expected. All Might then notes that in this scenario, the fight won’t be against disposable robots. 

This entire page is just fucking hilarious. The class and all their questions while All Might is shaking with nerves. The fucking cheat sheet he uses to try to get back on track. Him being questioned on the lot drawing, and shaking while Izuku accidentally ends up covering for him. I just. All Might was not prepared for this mess and it shows. He was doing so much better when it was the one on one stuff with Izuku.

But yeah, Izuku notes the scenario is like from a western comic plot, and he’s also the one who ‘realizes’ the lots are like when heroes from different agencies have to team up for emergencies without prior warning. 

Lots are drawn, and we have our teams:

Izuku’s so stressed out because he still can’t really talk to her, while she’s excited to be teamed up and calls it ‘fate’ that it happened. All Might draws the first two teams to participate, and… team Izuku and Ochako (as the heroes) versus team Katsuki and Tenya (as the villains). Both Izuku and Katsuki are alert from this development…

Which makes this a good point to cut off, since it’s halfway through and we got a lot of information to chew on already. Second part should be out this weekend (hopefully). 

#chapter 8 #readthrough #opening arcs #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #iida tenya #yagi toshinori #bakugou katsuki #midoriya inko #class 1a #izuku's first costume was fucking hideous #thank god hori / the support company improved on it afterwards #also shouto #i don't even need to say anything when the fandom has made fun of your for me #also i cannot BELIEVE we were robbed of this momo costume #what the FUCK hori

[galaxina-the-pyro]

How would you improve the episode AYA?

...wait...you’re asking me?

I...I didn’t expect this...

The thing is is that I don’t think I could possibly come up with ideas for this better than, say, @authenticcadence18 or @springsfordays because their ideas are just too good (seriously, check them out, they have the literal best ideas for a rewrite of AYA, holy crap).

But if I were to rewrite it...hm...let’s make a checklist for stuff about AYA that just miffed me:

1. Plot B is fine. Plot B was probably the best part of AYA - Doof’s dilemma made sense for his character (and is hilarious), tied in with the name of the episode, and involved fun little shenanigans. My only gripe is that they didn’t go MONDO insane with it at the end, and said ending felt really abrupt.

(I also wish that, somehow, even Doof was involved with that “everyone knew” bit, but we’re gonna be scrapping that joke for this story - that joke is FUNNY, but it’s also degrading to Phineas, and is sorta a nice way of saying “yeah, you’re stupid for not noticing her feelings even though she’s not entitled to them - you’re the problem. It’s not like the episode is trying to hint at you two having switched roles, no, you’re the only one who was being oblivious and stupid.”)

2. We cut out Plot C entirely. Everyone trying to get Phineas and Isabella together was just...ugh. Why? And they had the audacity to compare what they were doing to all the AMAZING things they did when they were younger, like, guys - you set up some tables, decorations, and cooked them what I can assume to be a run-of-the-mill restaurant dinner - that has NOTHING on a rollercoaster through downtown. And their applause at that sweet but ultimately lackluster confession? Hurt. So much. Now that I think about it, it felt condescending, it unintentionally emphasized HOW uninspired this confession (as much as I love it) was, and it felt like they were taking credit for something they didn’t do.

And if we’re NOT gonna cut out Plot C...have Plot C be about FERB? Leaving for COLLEGE? Out of COUNTRY? Cuz I have a hard time believing that Phineas and Ferb are just OKAY with separating at such a long distance - heck, in “Candace Gets Busted”, FERB is the one who assumes that one day he and his brother are gonna own their own place together. It should at least be BROUGHT UP, don’t you think? (I’m conflicted on whether or not I’d keep Montessa in the ring or at least SHOW US how Ferbnessa happened, because I think what’s weirding people out is that they’re assuming that Vanessa literally waited for Ferb to turn 18 to start dating him - when I think it’s more likely that they kinda JUST started dating during the beginning of Summer? But I think stuff like that really SHOULD be explained because even though I don’t think it’s that weird, I understand why OTHER PEOPLE wouldn’t like the idea)

3. I kinda feel like this should have had more songs? I dunno why, I feel like this all could have been improved if we got a fullblown musical out of this (and...this may be me wanting a “What Might Have Been” reprise, lol) - like, make fun of HSM or something, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t have.

4. I kinda wanted to see more of the “where are they now”. Like, Jeremy, Stacey, Little Suzie Johnson, even that one couple with the lady who’s always like “what did you think, an anniversary dinner was just going to fall from the sky?” - I like stuff like that, it’s so much fun to think about. Also...I legit have so much anxiety over Perry never interacting with him owners ONCE in that episode, and even more anxiety over Pinky never making an appearance at all. Heck, if there was a good time to show us what the HECK happened to Django, now would be a great time.

5. I would have given the episode a unique intro, ala “Night of the Living Pharmacists” and “Last Day of Summer” - like, AYA is as much of a status quo shifter as those two episodes, why was it given the “Phineas and Ferb Get Busted” treatment?

6. Here’s a brilliant thought - NO ONE tells Phineas about Isabella’s crush? How about instead Phineas goes and wants to check in on her, because he really misses her and doesn’t understand why they don’t talk anymore (and he’s tried before, and they’ve nearly had conversations, but Isabella’s just too busy) - did he do something wrong? Is Isabella just too busy now? He needs to know. That should have been his priority, none of this “FrIeNd ZoNe” nonsense.

7. I would have made this into a near movie-length special. With all the topics that this episode brought up, particularly the whole “manipulating the situation” thing, I feel like a longer episode would have given them more time to talk about how stuff like that is...not okay.

[READ THE ACTUAL REWRITE OF THE EPISODE (well, my take at least) UNDER THE CUT!]

Okay, with those out of the way, how I would have written Phinabella the Movie...I mean...Act Your Age (I warn you, it’s not gonna be as good as @authenticcadence18′s or @springsfordays‘s ideas, so if you want quality stuff and not just mushy fanfiction fodder I’d check their stuff out):

I would have sorta made this entire thing take place during the “What Might Have Been” song - what that means is that it’s a collage of memories. How Isabella and Phineas met, how Isabella first got her “crush” (if you can really call it that, girl was full out in love lol), them building stuff with the gang during their canon ages, them going into highschool, Isabella ultimately choosing to give up her crush to maintain her friendship with Phineas (because her choosing to not be as close to Phineas because of a crush isn’t an option), Isabella’s first boyfriend (which probably’s gonna hurt a lot of fans, cuz I envision that to NOT be Phineas; but it’s Phinabella endgame, so relax); the episode just centers on the gang (mainly Isabella since it’s from her perspective) growing up.

Like, yes, all of the memories are gonna be Phinabella centered, but we gotta have SOME side-stories and junk, like maybe how Baljeet gets together with Ginger (and...how they break up...please don’t kill me), what ultimately leads Ferb to want to go back to England for studies (maybe it’s him wanting to be his own person and not wanting people to think he and his brother are just “a pair”), Buford...uh...something with Buford definitely, because I love him and he deserves it. Heck, maybe even the Fireside Girls can have their own arc with a graduation ceremony for their ranks (...what? I’m not linking stuff to the best fanfic ever, noooooo...why would-why would I do that?).

And maybe in this case Plot B SHOULD be different - maybe it should focus on how Doofenshmirtz first got to America, how he first met Charlene, what exactly led him to being evil in the first place, all that good stuff. Though, ultimately, that might be a little angsty - maybe there’s a reason why we don’t see exactly HOW Doof and Charlene divorced, because that could very well be the saddest scene ever, and it’s hard to put that kinda comedic spin on something so tragic (I mean, obviously there are comedies CENTERED on divorce, but like...they always SKIP the divorce part from what I’ve seen). Not to mention that this is a kid’s show, so...I doubt they’d actually show HOW it happened. This is just my thoughts. X’D

Back to the Phinabella.

Phineas and Isabella would have their confession during THIS part of the special rather than the very end (so, like...they’re still in highschool, and Isabella’s already broken up with that other dude in the story, and maybe Phineas had a girlfriend he just wasn’t happy with) - Phineas tries to do something big for Isabella, but it ultimately falls through because of Perry’s current nemesis (we never see who that is, lol), so he settles for something simple (at first he’s scared about it not “being enough” for someone like Isabella, but Ferb’s able to slap that nonsense out of him pretty quickly). He and Isabella spend the ENTIRE DAY together alone, leading to Phineas eventually singing a song he wrote for her to her, and the two have a cute little duet as a result (that has the opposite energy of “What Might Have Been”, so it’s important that somewhere in this episode that “What Might Have Been” is still a thing, it just doesn’t involve Phineas being aware of Isabella’s feelings, and it doesn’t involve Isabella trying to leave somewhere without saying goodbye, this would be more about Isabella, after trying to get over her crush, realizing that she still LIKES Phineas that way). They almost kiss, but they’re ultimately interrupted by Buford being Buford or something, but it implies that Phineas and Isabella are now a couple onwards from here.

Eventually it leads to a small party in the middle of Summer with the gang, with them playing some games and talking about how by the end of Summer, they won’t be seeing each other as much anymore because of college and stuff. They all remanence about the simple times - with Isabella eventually leaving (saying it’s because she needs to check on something, but really it’s because she’s sad that things are ending so quickly and she’s gonna miss everyone especially Phineas), and Phineas going after her to see if she’s alright (he’s oblivious, but he’s always been able to tell if she’s sad for the most part, save for maybe a few instances - but he’s older now, so he’s probably better at telling).

The two go for a stroll outside, and discuss the changes and stuff, how he and Isabella are ultimately going to have to work on a long-distance relationship and how Phineas is going to miss Ferb when he leaves the country, and how he’s gonna miss Isabella. And then they both realize that everything is gonna be okay, because they’ve literally dealt with worse situations and came out stronger for it - Isabella nor Phineas have any doubts in their minds that their relationship with each other or anyone else is going to sever just because of long distance.

Time moves onward, and there are a lot of changes (mainly talking about couples and other stuff - if it were me, there’d be endgame Buford/Gretchen and Ferb/Ginger of all people, and of course Candace and Jeremy would be married by this time). Phineas and Isabella are about to go into their last year of college, and decide to spend one more day together before they, once again, go their separate ways. The gang surprises Isabella by having made an ACTUALLY GOOD AND CREATIVE BACKYARD DINNER for the two per Phineas’ planning (the idea wasn’t bad, the execution was just lame imo), and long story short, Phineas proposes to Isabella. She obviously accepts, and everyone cheers for them as Isabella inner monologues about how change can be scary but it’s okay some mushy stuff about loved ones being there for you when you need them or something.

And finally, we cut to many years later, with Isabella as an adult now, looking out at the backyard of her current home, drinking some tea - this whole movie/special has taken place in this Isabella’s memories (if that makes sense), as she thinks on how she got there. The story ends with a child (we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl) calling to her and calling her “mom”, and Isabella leaving to check on her kid.

And...that’s how I would have written “Act Your Age”. Again, I recommend this and this over my idea (because again, their takes on this episode are perfect, I don’t think anyone can top them), but if you like it then great. This was still fun to write out and stuff, and I hope you enjoyed it regardless. ^^;

#phineas and ferb #pnf #act your age #phinabella #act your age rant #episode rewrite #galaxina rants #not as good of a rewrite as others but i think it's decent at the very least #but i dunno #what do ya'll think #lol

[samandcheesewinchesterr]

Okay first I wanna go on record here and say that Psych is my favourite show of all time (tied with 911 but that’s not important right now).

HOWEVER I think it’s really important to look at everything you consume with a critical eye, even especially your favourite media. blindly consuming something means you fall susceptible to things like cop propaganda (brooklyn nine nine, psych) and you’ll end up supporting the bad with the good which is, needless to say, dangerous.

So I’m gonna go on a little rant here about some things that really bug me about psych. not relentlessly insulting it for no reason of course but just criticizing things that really should be criticized.

Okay first of all, as previously mentioned, it is cop propaganda, it is, plain and simple.

Sure the general theme of the show seems at first to be, two private “psychic” detectives work cases and solve them faster and better than the cops making them seem foolish in the process. However actually watching the show you see that they work with the police department more often than not, befriend (and date) the detectives, and you end up falling equally in love with the cops because of their characters. Not to mention the fact that they consistently search without warrants, ‘in the name of justice’, needlessly pull their gun on civilians, make arrests with insufficient evidence just so that they can say it’s solved, and in one episode Lassie even arrested a woman he actually believed to innocent. And they do all this with the underlying commentary of ‘this is okay because we got justice in the end’, ‘this is okay because i’m a little stressed right now’, ‘this is okay because _____’ Convincing people that police officer is a morally grey job where ‘everything turns out all right so it’s okay if we smudge the lines a bit’.

Next up, Juliet. This is gonna be a long one folks so buckle up.

First of all there are two main female characters, and one of which essentially has two lines throughout the show which are ‘spencer you’re not on this case, get out’ and ‘spencer you’re on this case we need you’. That’s it. And the other one is Juliet O’Hara.

Juliets character, as countless other people have pointed out, pretty much exists as a love interest for Shawn. The first time they ‘kissed’ made no sense to me as there was nothing to suggest that she had feelings for him at all. before that, she had more or less the same opinion of him as Lassie did.

Her character only got worse as the show went on, she stopped having major scenes that didn’t envolve Shawn, her personality disappeared, and at this point she was pretty much, ‘The Girlfriend’. Now the breakup. After she found out Shawn wasn’t actually psychic, she was pissed (rightly so) and they broke up. But only for a couple episodes. They showed none of the mending of the relationship, they were just suddenly back together, and they made Jules forgive Shawn way too quickly.

All in all they did her character really dirty.

Ah and next up of course we have, lgbt representation. This ones surprisingly short though. (like their list of queer characters)

“Gray it was 2006 lighten up.” No. No I will not.

First let’s talk about Woody. Canonically queer as he’s talked about being in relationships with/being attracted to both men and women, though only shown on screen with women. Also the fact that they made the one(ish) canonically queer character the ‘weird pervy coroner guy’ is just very uncomfortable.

Next up for the representation catergory we have Carlton Lassiter himself.

In a tweet in 2010 the writing team confirmed that he is pansexual. Great right? Not really. You see 2010 was four years before the show ended. Four seasons, 41+ episodes, AND a movie released in 2017. They had all those chances to confirm it on the show and did they? Of course not. He too has only been shown dating women, except unlike Woody he hasn’t even alluded to being attracted to anyone other than a women. (so you can guess my hopes for LCH are unbelievably high and uncatergorically low at the same time)

Yang is also canonically wlw and i have nothing to say about that actually she’s an icon and i love her just thought we needed a little good news here. But alas we now must return the bad side of Psych.

Anyways now we have racism in general. White washing, lack of non-white people, etc. (btw i am white so if any of this is insensitive or phrased poorly please let me know and i’ll change it/delete it)

So James Roday is latino and identifies as latino yet they made Shawn white and constantly remind of us of that fact.

And of course the glaring problem that the show is entirely white characters except for a single black guy. Sure they called themselves out for it (“gus don’t be the only black lead on a major cable network show”) but they still did it.

I’ve had this post in my drafts for a while just in case i wanted to add anything to it but i’m pretty sure this is everything. these things just really bug me and i wanted to make a post about them.

#psych #shawn spencer #juliet ohara #burton guster #carlton lassiter #james roday #dule hill #timothy omundson #maggie lawson #psych: the movie #psych 2 #psych 2: lassie come home #psych: lassie come home #lassie come home #psychusa #james rodriguez

[traincat]

opinions on the new taylor swift album (in terms of spider-man ships) ? 👀👀

YES okay yes I have lots of thoughts. One of my favorite things is when a new Taylor Swift album comes out and I get to decide which songs are what Spider-Man ships. I did a twitter thread about this when the album first came out, which has my initial reactions, but I’ve had time to sit with it now, so let’s dive back in:

the 1: first reading is this is a Peter/Felicia post-breakup. But we were something, don't you think so?/Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool/And if my wishes came true/It would've been you.

(Spectacular Spider-Man #112)

However, I think Taylor Swift’s oeuvre is one especially good for applying to One More Day from Mary Jane’s point of view (New Year’s Day, anyone?) and the 1 doesn’t let us down here.  

I have this dream you're doing cool shit/Having adventures on your own/You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home/We never painted by the numbers, baby/But we were making it count/You know the greatest loves of all time are over now. (ASM #561)

cardigan: My first impression was that this is like the ultimate college years Peter/MJ/Gwen song -- leaning slightly more towards the GwenMJ leg of the love triangle/threesome -- and I have not changed on that front. Sequin smile, black lipstick/Sensual politics/When you are young, they assume you know nothing? A friend to all is a friend to none/Chase two girls, lose the one?? 'Cause I knew you/Stepping on the last train/Marked me like a bloodstain???  Tried to change the ending/Peter losing (G)Wendy?????????????

You drew stars around my scars, but now I’m bleeding/”She saw through the party girl mask I always wore. Saw the frightened, abused kid inside.” (Marvel 1000)

the last great american dynasty: this one’s a little too biographical to work for a Spider-Man ship but I think it could be a good women of Spider-Man song. The maddest woman this town has ever seen etc etc. Alternatively it’s for the version of canon where Doc Ock marries May for her nuclear power plant inheritance and then she turns the tables and poisons him for his criminal empire. good for her.

exile: look, this is a love triangle tragic breakup song, and Spider-Man is the king of both of these things. I’m going to make a call and say that exile, while I think it’s both an excellent PeterFelicia and PeterMJ, leans towards PeterMJ after MJ rejects his first proposal, when they’re seeing other people but everyone keeps trying to get them back together. I can see you starin', honey/Like he's just your understudy/Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me/Second, third, and hundredth chances/Balancin' on breaking branches/Those eyes add insult to injury.

The dueling narration of 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) and I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) is a pretty perfect early PeterMJ summary.

my tears ricochet: okay okay okay so my tears ricochet + mad woman are my ideal “Gwen Stacy gets a resurrection revenge narrative ala Bucky Barnes and Jason Todd” song duo. And if I'm on fire/You'll be made of ashes, too.

mirrorball: Taylor Swift released THE definitive Mary Jane Watson song in 2020. We are talking about the feminine art of performance, we are talking about masks, we are talking about trauma baby!!! I want you to know/I'm a mirrorball/I can change everything about me to fit in/You are not like the regulars/The masquerade revelers/Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten.

I've never been a natural/All I do is try, try, try (ASM #143)

We are ALSO thinking about Mary Jane’s iconic mirrored mini dress from ASM #59. An entire Mary Jane anthem.

seven: this song CRIES OUT for childhood friends, which Spider-Man is a bit lacking in, what with the entire friend group coming together in college, but in my head it belongs to a version of canon where Gwen and Mary Jane were friends as children and lost touch with each other. alternatively, it’s the Peter/Flash childhood friends song, since they’re as close as we get to childhood friends in canon, and also because these lyrics in conjunction with that make me want to cry: And I've been meaning to tell you/I think your house is haunted/Your dad is always mad and that must be why/And I think you should come live with/Me and we can be pirates/Then you won't have to cry.

Also, “just like a folk song, our love will be passed on” makes me cry thinking about longform storytelling like superhero comics so like that’s fun. A real Spidey fivesome sort of feeling.

august: I’ve been thinking about it, and I think this is a Peter/Betty set during their initial romantic relationship. Your back/Beneath the sun/Wishing I could write my name on it/Will you call when you're back at school?/I remember thinking I had you.

this is me trying: A FLASH THOMPSON SONG. Like, I think “I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back/I have a lot of regrets about that” is a big PeterMJ sentiment during several key points of their relationship, but overall the vibe of this song is a Flash. Probably a Peter/Flash, while we’re at it. 

illicit affairs: okay, in my heart, I want this to be another Peter/Betty, because the point in canon where they’re sleeping together behind Ned’s back is just so sexy of them, and it’s a favorite fictional extramarital affair. However, I also don’t feel like this song is straight enough as its core to be about them. I also feel like “and you want to scream don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby” is a BIG Gwen Stacy mood. So I’m kind of leaning towards an MJ/Gwen affair while PeterGwen is happening. Which would also be very fun of them all. I think at a push we could also make this a Peter/Flash while Flash is seeing Sha Shan, if we wanted to warp canon around to have a good time. What I’m saying is Spider-Man should have a few more affairs in its body of canon. For the song.

mad woman: I mentioned this up with my tears ricochet but we’re going to say AGAIN for the people in the BACK: this is a Gwen Stacy jam. If they were ever to make an extremely good movie about resurrected Gwen on a murderous revenge spree, this song should be playing in it. What do you sing on your drive home?/Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn?/Does she smile?/Or does she mouth "fuck you forever"?

(Spider-Island: Deadly Foes) Also, not that the Gwen clones get like, full narratives or are allowed to be their own individual characters like the Peter clones (it’s the misogyny) but if they were, mad woman would be such a good Gwen clone song. No one likes a mad woman/You made her like that.

epiphany: this is very rare for me in Taylor Swift’s discography, but I think this is really a Peter solo song. 

Crawling up the beaches now/Sir I think he’s bleeding out (Peter Parker #89)

betty: You have no idea how badly I wanted this to be a Peter/Betty, but it is just not. I think there’s a version of Spider-Man high school canon though where this is a Betty/Liz. 

peace: This album is light on Taylor Swift Spideytorch hits -- previous examples including Love Story and Call It What You Want To, among many others -- but peace is such a Spideytorch. But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm/If your cascade ocean wave blues come/All these people think love's for show/But I would die for you in secret/The devil's in the details/But you got a friend in me/Would it be enough/If I could never give you peace?

(ASM #790) @bipeteparker said that Johnny COULD give Peter peace but they’re dramatic, so it works, and I stand by that, but I also like it with the juxtaposition of their lives -- Johnny being so famous and such a public figure and Peter having eschewed that life by keeping the mask on. 

hoax: and we’re closing the album the same way we started! I think there are various Spider-Man readings you could do, but my big two are PeterFelicia and PeterMJ -- both with the lens of the post-One More Day deal and how that altered both of their relationships with him. 

Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in (ASM #16HU)

My only one/My kingdom come undone (ASM #545)

#spiderman #traincat talks comics #gratuitous taylor swift spider-man readings #*replies #long post/ #taylor swift

[renlimotroll]

Cruel Summer

Summary: "Stay, Sensei, please." Siruko begs, even though it was useless. Sensei didn't belong to him. Sensei belonged to the world, to his fans, to the stage, to the microphone. This borrowed summer was the best and worst of times, where devils roll their dice and angels roll their eyes. What doesn't kill Siruko makes him want Sensei more.

Pairing: Limone-Sensei x Siruko 🍋🐶

Warnings: BL, a lot of ANGST (but I'm a sucker for happy endings, don't worry), extremely out of character, pure imagination, REALLY LONG ONESHOT FIC, PG-17 (there's nothing explicit at all, but there are heavy implications of mature themes) Please don't read if you are uncomfortable. You have been warned.

A/N:

Lately all I've been thinking about is LimoSiru, and I've been itching to write this ever since my friend Shuura showed me that picture. I'm really not good with angst, so writing this was a major challenge, and I hope I was able to pull it off.

I also want to thank this person who hates me so much, because if they didn't antagonize me so much with subtle little things that no one else sees, then I wouldn't be able to write this masterpiece. I learned that sometimes, no matter what we do--be kind, ignore, confront--they’ll find anything we do to be annoying and they won’t like us and that’s okay. We don’t have to make people like us, and they don’t have to like us too. It's really not healthy for me to be able to only write under extreme negative emotions and stress, but oh, the beauty that comes out of it is heavenly. I turned my frustrations into something beautiful, and I’m proud of it. Without this person, I wouldn’t have been fueled to finish this.

This is dedicated to all LimoSiru shippers like me. Seriously, what's not to like about LimoSiru? Have you seen how Limone-sensei acts when he's with Siruko versus how he acts with everybody else? Sensei turns into the playful, teasing younger-brother person while older-brother, responsible Siruko laughs exasperatedly at him (LimoSiru Hanany Land Reconstruction Part 1, Sensei's POV). He's usually not like that, always being the tsukkomi to chaotic Hanae, so seeing him be boke with Siruko-san is really cute. Plus, when Sensei scolds Mintosu-san VS when he scolds Siruko-san, you gotta tell me how you don't see how much softer he is with Siruko-san. And yes, it's canon that Siruko-san likes it when Sensei scolds him. He's the reason why the whole recorded voice clips went on sale, after all. Thank gods for the Number One Limojo, Siruko-san.

I should stop before the word count goes even longer. Enjoy!

"Stay."

It was still dark; the stars were still scattered across the night sky. Siruko blinks blearily, sleep still evident in his purple eyes. It was rare for him to be up this early, and for good reason. Siruko wasn't good at goodbyes.

"Stay, please. Sensei." He begs into the darkness, even though it was futile, just like all those times he pleaded before. Siruko follows the movement within the room with half-lidded eyes, crawling over to the other side of the bed. To the side where it always smelled like lemons and happiness. Limone was already buttoning up the white shirt he always liked to wear. A glance at the clock showed it was 3:15 am.

"Ohayou, Siruko-san." Sensei chuckles mirthlessly. The bed dips as the blue-haired man sits down. He takes Siruko's hand and kisses his knuckles, and with his other hand he runs his beautiful fingers through purple hair. Siruko almost purred. "You know I can't." He reasons out with a hint of regret in his deep, melodic voice.

What Siruko knows is how cruel this summer is. For the first time in years, his and Limone-sensei's break finally matched. 30 days of pure bliss--of netflix and chilling, playing games all day, going on sneaky dates, and even a trip to the beach for Sensei's birthday. It was good, all kinds of good that he soaked up and basked in because it was limited--a fragile heaven. Alas, all good things must come to an end.

Who would have thought that the man Siruko met in the net cafe so many years ago would be one of the most popular idols not just in Japan, but the whole world even. He could still remember it like it was only yesterday, when a handsome man was there staring at him as Siruko looked up from the vending machine. They struck up a conversation, and Siruko found himself attracted to this gravity of a man who was as charming as the devil and yet as kind as an angel. Since that day (during which Siruko was in high school making friends with a college student Limone), there was never a day where they didn't talk or hang out. It was almost a love story.

Except it wasn't. While their relationship progressed from gaming friends to real friends to friends with benefits, there was never really a clear status or label as to what they are. Especially when Limone started to upload videos of him singing (encouraged by none other than Siruko himself), and he got discovered by the public. Siruko knew one day he'd be popular; it was even him who nicknamed him 'Sensei' as a result of all those times Limone taught him something he didn't know, and the name stuck and now became a stage name. Singing was Sensei's dream, and he loved it with a passion burning as bright as the sun. Siruko loved it too--loved the twinkle in Sensei's eyes when he sang in front of a sea of crowd, loved the healing laugh when he gets interviewed on the TV, loved every billboard and commercial he sees as he walks throughout the busy streets of Tokyo. It's just, sometimes he wishes he had Sensei all to himself. Sometimes, he didn't want to share him with the world. He immediately feels guilty for that thought and scolds himself for being too selfish.

"Why don't you sleep a little longer. You have 8am classes, don't you? You need some rest." Sensei pecks his cheek sweetly, and Siruko chases his mouth for a better one. He needs it like the air he breathes, a kiss of passion, of desperation, of something that wasn't even his to lose, and Sensei gives it to him like he always does, a hot, bright and burning clash of lips and tongue. Heat pools at the bottom of his stomach and he breaks away to leave a trail of light kisses on Sensei's neck, hoping to make him feel how much he wants him.. hoping...

"Stop, Siruko-san." Sensei growls, pulling away and standing. Siruko stills immediately, shame burning acid behind his eyes. He internally mourns the loss of the warmth of another body. "How many times should I tell you, no marks. I can't come out wearing a hickey, you know that. Papz are everywhere." And just like that, the moment was gone. How unfair, Siruko thinks, because he knows his body is littered with colors of different shades, blue warring with purple, marks planted by none other than the possessive lips of Sensei. Limone likes to make sure Siruko knows who he belongs to. Isn't it unfair how only Siruko's body gets to be decorated with bruises and hickeys? Well, who was he anyway to get possessive over Sensei. He swallows the bile threatening to make his tongue bitter.

At least Sensei had the decency to look guilty. "I'll be touring again in a couple of weeks, in America." The idol sighs resignedly. Siruko closes his eyes in defeat; it was inevitable after all. Sensei puts on his watch with all the speed of a turtle, and Siruko knows he is stalling time, using up every millisecond he's allowed to have with his purple lover (?). Sensei didn't look like he wanted to leave either, a small comfort in the growing ache in Siruko's chest.

"How long?"

"3 or 4 months, I guess."

"That's too long."

"It's really not." That's true. When Sensei finally broke out into the international scene and started holding tours in other countries, he has been gone longer. Siruko can never begrudge him of the distance, because Sensei always Skyped and called him even in his busy schedule, even during the times Sensei can barely talk in his exhaustion. He knows, he understands with his whole being the realities of dating (?) an idol, but that doesn't stop him being upset.

He should just be grateful that Sensei spends time with him, a normal college student.

"I'll walk you to the car, Sensei."

Sensei finishes getting ready, putting his glasses and black mask on. Siruko combs Sensei's cerulean silky hair with his fingers, hair that became so messy from their bedroom activity. Siruko doesn't know why Sensei keeps coming back to him when he could literally have any man or woman in the planet, but he takes pride that he was the only one who can mess up Sensei's hair like this, a result of their dirty bedroom fun.

They walk in silence to Sensei's tacky rental car, a preemptive measure to avoid paparazzi or fans who can recognize him. Sensei holds his hand tightly, rubbing circles on the student's cold skin with his thumb. Siruko's chest is heavy, but there's no use whining. Sensei belongs to the stage, to the millions of fans who adored him. Instead, Siruko tries to think about the Sensei only he had. The Sensei who makes him watch horror movies so Siruko could cling to him when he's scared (the sadistic Sensei who enjoys Siruko being scared out of his wits only to comfort him after), the Sensei he can surprisingly outdrink (and how cute the drunk, clingy Sensei was), the Sensei who pets every street cat they see, and makes sure not to get any cat hair on him so Siruko's allergy won't act up.

August slipped away in a blink of an eye, but Siruko memorized everything. Every conversation, every place they went to, every food they ate. He's always been good at memorizing, and he stores everything in his heart. Sensei wasn't his, but the memories with him were his. No one can take that away.

The purplehead makes a whine at the back of his throat, and Sensei cracks a smile, slowing to a stop. Sensei always knew what he wanted, what he needed. He pushes Siruko-san to the shadow created by the walls in the narrow alley, but no one was around anyway, not at this hour. Sensei removes his mask as the darkness shields them from prying eyes and snakes his hand on the purplehead's waist. The singer cups Siruko's chin, tilting his head up, and Siruko can only grab onto Sensei's arm to steady himself. The last thing he sees before he closes his eyes is Sensei's hungry blue eyes and his gold ear-piercing, then Sensei swoops in and captures his lips into a hot, wet kiss. Limone-sensei runs his tongue into every cavern of Siruko's mouth, exploring everything, and it feels like heaven, a toe-curling sensation Siruko can never get enough of. Sensei bites his lip and it stings, then sucks on it tenderly as an apology. The pain mixes with the pleasure, and Siruko forgets where they are at the moment. Sensei takes and leads and dominates, and Siruko can only let him, as always. Fireworks explode in his body and Siruko moans loudly, not even caring who hears. The world could burn right now and Siruko will keep chasing Sensei's lips.

It felt too long and too short at the same time. The need for air separates them, and Siruko pants, chest heaving up and down. "Stay, please, Sensei." He can't stop begging, holding onto the fever dream high Sensei keeps giving him. Siruko knows the answer anyway, knows it from the way Sensei's lips thin into a firm line, knows from the way his shoulders straighten in resolve. However, knowing doesn't make it hurt any less.

"Stop playing so late at night and focus on your studies, okay?" Sensei whispers in his ear, his hot breath tickling him. He caresses Siruko's cheek in a way that he knows will always bring a beautiful blush. Sensei likes the fact that he can easily make Siruko blush.

"Yada."

Sensei flicks his forehead, earning a grumpy pout from the student. The pseudo-teacher gives in to the temptation to kiss that pout away. "If I say yes to your idiotic request of me recording all those freaky lines you want, will you promise to take care of yourself better?"

Siruko pretends to think. "Fine, but I want that 'Bakagayo' morning alarm. It has miracle powers that'll help me for my crazy morning classes." Sensei rolls his eyes but his chest rumbles in deep laughter, and Siruko likes that. Sometimes he imagines those laughs were reserved for him, and he likes making Sensei laugh a lot. He needs this goodbye to end on a positive note, or else he'll break down.

"You'll do great, Sensei. I'm sure everyone will love the new album." He whispers back, careful not to disturb the peace of the early morn. Despite the fame, the money, the influence Limone has, somehow, he always needed to hear this from Siruko-san, and the latter is only happy to give this to him. It was the only other thing he can give, aside from a good one-night stand. Sensei says Siruko grounds him, whatever that means. Siruko doesn't really understand why Sensei needs reassurance--he was a great singer and an even greater human being, with his charm and wit and kindness, and sometimes Siruko feels silly encouraging him, because Sensei was so out of his league. Sensei was everything he's not--confident, beautiful and interesting. He and Sensei live on two different worlds. But Sensei gives him that small, shy smile that Siruko really loves, and Siruko's heart squeezes. He'll fight the world for that precious smile.

Finally Sensei gets in the car. He rolls down the window to wave goodbye, and then he's off, and in a few hours, in another country, a different timezone. Siruko waits till the car disappears around the block, comes back home, then sags down behind the door and cries and cries.

He lets the tears fall until it's time for him to prepare for class. He doesn't even know why it still hurts  even after all these years. He can't get used to it, no matter how hard he tries. He knows they can never be like any other couple holding hands on the street--they're not even a couple. He was just… that guy Sensei keeps coming back to. A friend, at best. He should be content with stolen kisses, hidden touches, forbidden passions. It's nothing new--he knows he has to keep secrets to keep Sensei. So why? Why does it kill him this much?

Maybe it's because when, three days later, he wakes up into an internet chaos when Limone-sensei's new album comes out. The Bintroll group chat descends into panic and madness of 300 messages. He ignores it all and buys the album, listening to it as he prepares a lab report, even though he already knew all of the songs before the release. He pretends that they were about him, for him. If he pretends hard enough, he can imagine Sensei is with him in the room.

Maybe it's because he sees Sensei everywhere, but it wasn't his Sensei. It was the world's Sensei. His new single is played in every music show, in every diner he eats at, it's in the lips of every conversation around him. Siruko's emotions are always a roller coaster during a comeback. It was good for his grades when Sensei is away; he can concentrate on studying while Sensei focuses on his own career. But the phrase 'out of sight, out of mind' wouldn't work when all he can see and hear is Limone-sensei.

The new single sounds really good. Siruko was really proud of him. When Sensei played it for him on the piano, it wasn't a duet yet. It was different from his usual upbeat, rock-popish songs. Sensei didn't usually sing about anything even remotely resembling love, but this one was almost like that, and that's why Siruko loved it. He didn't know Sensei intended for it to be a duet though, and as much as the woman's voice sounded nice, he preferred the version of only Sensei's familiar voice.

(It reminded him of the beach, of fireworks, of Sensei's wonderful birthday spent with Siruko, of a cruel August slipping away like a bottle of wine.)

Maybe it's because no matter how much he wants to tell his friends and family about this, Siruko can't. He does love the small world he and Sensei are in when they're together, where no one can judge them and they're alone and free to love and make love, but in times like this where he's hurting, he really really wants, needs someone he can share his pain to. It only hurts even more when his own friends talk about Sensei in front of him.

"I'm telling you, it's all promotion, promotion! A gimmick so the song will be talked about more! Not that Sensei needs it." Jiraichan huffs in frustration as Siruko arrives at their group's usual bench. He has half-a-mind to turn back and eat somewhere else as soon as he hears the topic, but that would be suspicious behavior. He tries to smile at the others as they greet him, hoping it didn't look as lonely as he really feels inside.

"And I'm telling you, the song itself is about some kind of a summer love! So… what if it's true!" Quartet argues, and Siruko's throat constricts. Did… they find out? Was their affair finally discovered by the world? Oh no, this scandal, it'll be huge, he can't be tarnishing Sensei's name… people will be hating him. It's ok if they hate me, I don't care, but please don't let this ruin Sensei's career, oh god what can he do to clean up this mess, why did he even think he can sort-of date an idol, oh my god ohmygod

"Siruko-chan? Are you okay? You look pale." Ichihachi notes, worry coloring his tone. He puts down his snacks and inspects their leader's face. Siruko didn't even realize he was on the verge of a panic attack. "Did you stay up all night studying again? I thought you got a high score on that midterms."

"I'm fine." But it wasn't true. His chest is being constricted by a big snake, squeezing air out of his lungs. The purplehead tries deflecting. "Where's Hakotaro and Minben-san?"

"They're in class. Siruko-san, have you heard of Sensei's new song? Of course you did, is there anyone who hasn't heard it yet?" Jiraichan asks rhetorically, obviously trying to change the topic away from Siruko to help, bless Jiraichan's soul, but in this case, it only makes it worse. "Do you like it? Do you think the rumors are true?"

"What.." he chokes, feeling the much-needed oxygen escape his body. "...rumor?"

"Eh you didn't know? Hang on." Quartetchi fishes his handphone from his pocket, scrolls for a while, then shows him the screen. A picture of Sensei and the female idol he had a duet with. Sensei's hand was on her back and they were laughing. They look… good together. "It says that Sensei is dating her. The internet's going crazy, but Sensei's company hasn't released a statement yet. It could be true though, I-- wait where are you going? Siruko-san?"

Siruko dashes away, feeling guilty for the three worried, confused looks of his friends he left behind, but he needs to get away. He needs to.. he doesn't know… he never knew it was possible but this was so much worse, so much more painful than earlier. He can't breathe, can't apologize to those he bumps along the way (not recognizing it was Minben-san and Hakotaro who calls his name, tries to grab him but he shakes them off violently). Nothing registers in his mind anymore than the need to get away… He needs to get out of here. He needs to…

Tears stream down his face and he can't even see where he's going. He trusts his legs to take him home, because honestly his brain can't be relied on right now. The image is flashing again and again in his mind, like his own personal hell. He shouldn't worry about it, dating rumors have always been there since Sensei rose to fame, the company will deny it later, Siruko's sure. But there was something ugly, something twisted eating him alive, making it hard to breathe. Maybe it's his insecurities, telling him that they look nice, and dating another idol must be better, because Sensei is honestly better off with anybody than Siruko, a good-for-nothing college student who sometimes streams games with his friends. He was just an old-time friend good for lonely, horny nights, and there wasn't even something between them. Maybe it was just all his imagination, the heated affection he sees in Sensei's electric blue eyes after Siruko tells a horrible joke, the promise of forever after a heated exchange of lips. He thought there was something there. But what if there wasn't?

Before he realizes it, he's in a bar, and he resolves to drown everything in alcohol. He wants to get wasted, to forget about everything, even for just a moment. Maybe even find someone he can replace Sensei with (as if, his heart scoffs). But he can't. Every time someone talks to him, it wasn't that deep melodic voice with witty banter, the voice who always scolds him but is always gentle with him, and he is disgusted with anyone not Sensei. When someone tries to flirt with him, he is revolted and he flinches away, because it wasn't Sensei's beautiful fingers touching him, it wasn't Sensei's rough yet caring touch. He goes home, drunk in the back of the cab and crying all the way home, and thankfully the driver ignores him.

Siruko doesn't realize that he's calling Sensei as he locks his front door. He curses himself as the ring goes too long; it could be any time of the day for Sensei right now, on the other side of the world. He could be preparing for interviews. He could be practicing with his crew. He could be with his girlfriend.

"Hi Siruko-san,"

And Siruko breathes clear for the first time today, that's the effect Sensei's voice has on him. His vision is blurry, maybe from the tears, maybe from the alcohol, maybe from the relief that Sensei answered the call. "Hello? Nashita? Is something wrong?"

"Is it true?" He whispers.

"Is what true? Hey, have you been crying?! What's going on?"

"You're dating her."

Siruko hears someone on the other end, maybe Sensei's manager Hanachan, muffled voices in low tones, and he feels guilty for interrupting whatever Sensei was doing. Siruko wants to hang up; he shouldn't be doing this right now, should have planned more for this discussion. He wonders if he can break up with Sensei, if he even has the strength to. The thought is so horrible and unbearable it makes him sick and want to vomit. Call him masochistic, but Siruko isn't above being a side lover, if only just to at least still be beside Sensei in some way. He decides to leave the decision to Sensei, and whatever he wants, Siruko will go along with it, as he always did. He'll follow Sensei to the ends of the world anytime.

"I'm sorry Siruko-san." Siruko intakes a gulp of air at Sensei's tone. This is it, he thinks. It's the end. "I didn't know about the rumor at all. Hanachan said the company is taking care of it."

"She's really pretty. You look good together."

"What?! No way! I told you it's not true! Jesus, Siruko-san." Sensei anger-whispers frustratedly. "I am not dating her."

Siruko pauses, forcing the words out, "But you can."

Sensei's pointed silence was an answer enough and Siruko continues. "You can date her. She's a better match for you more than I will ever be." Sensei inhales sharply that signals he's about to interrupt, but Siruko-san won't let him. For the first time, all the words are flowing. They'd be having the conversation they should have had all along these years. "It's not like we're… what are we, Sensei?" His voice breaks, and Siruko chuckles humorlessly and clutches his aching chest to keep himself together. "I know what I am to you. A friend, a good time in bed. And I'm content to be that. It's up to you now what you want me to be, but please. Please don't keep me away from your life. I… I can't stay away from you, Sensei. I'll be anything you want me to be, as long as I can stay in your life. That's all I ask for."

"Siruko-san," The blue-haired idol starts, and Siruko can picture him pinching the bridge of his nose like he does when something upsets him. Siruko wonders if the new girl knows Sensei like he does, knows how Sensei is annoyed when his glasses are fogged up, knows that Sensei hates cigarettes so Siruko gave it up for him, knows how much Sensei loves sneakers. Siruko grits his teeth angrily. No, no one knows Sensei like he does. Why is it so unfair, why can't Sensei just be his.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm interrupting something, so please, don't mind me. Congrats on your new album and single by the way. Good--

"Wait!!" Sensei shouts frantically. "Siruko-san, please, listen to me." Oh gods, here it comes. Sensei will break up with him. Knowing it's coming doesn't make it any less painful. "You're…

You're very special to me, and I don't want to see you like this. I… I'm sorry… " Siruko's breath hitches as he expects break-up words next. "...that I hurt you, I swear that rumor is false. I would always be honest to you, so please believe me." Sensei pleads. Siruko is confused why Sensei is not yet breaking up with him.

"Can we… this conversation… I think it's better if we talk personally… so I'm really sorry to ask this but, please, wait for me? I'll be home soon, I promise. Wait for me, please?"

Wasn't this something... worse? Waiting for Sensei to leave and dump him… isn't it agony? Sensei should just rip Siruko's heart out right now, swift and easy, on a phone call and not personally, instead of cruelly making him wait for months. But oh well, if Siruko has been able to keep their relationship a secret for five long years, what is a few more months.

"Okay…. I'll wait for you."

"Thank you, Siruko-san. I--" Siruko cuts him off and decides that this conversation has been long enough. He wants to sleep.

"I need to go, Sensei. Before I hang up, can I tell you something? Though, it might be the worst thing you'll ever hear."

Sensei hesitates but relents. "Sure, what is it?"

The few seconds were long enough that Sensei could be thinking he was asleep, but he waits patiently. Siruko decides it's now or never.

"I love you."

Then he hangs up.

November came. Autumn leaves were falling down, a reminder of the beauty of letting go. It had been two months since their last conversation, and it might be the worst two months in Siruko's life. Everyone noticed and were worried, and although Siruko appreciates their concern, he can't exactly tell them why he's not eating well, why he prefers staying on his bed rather than gaming like he used to, and their persuasions are becoming annoying. The purplehead leaves the lecture hall, rearranging his red scarf and wrapping his arms around his bony self. The air was cold, and something about it felt like something was going to happen soon. 

On the way to his apartment building, he sees a familiar man wearing glasses and a black suit with an orange tie, and it was so out-of-place in the sea of half-awake, half-dead zombie horde of students that Siruko couldn't help but stare. The man scans his surroundings and locks eyes with him. Siruko instinctively steps back.

The man approaches him with a big smile. "Hi Siruko-san! We finally meet! I'm Hanae Natsuki, I'm assuming you already know who I am?"

Siruko's lilac eyes widen in surprise. Of course he knows who this man is. He's the only person in the world who knows about his secret relationship with Sensei, although he's never met Sensei's manager personally before. (Even if he's not connected to Sensei, Siruko would have still recognized. Hanachan was as popular to Sensei's fans as the idol was.) He nods, unable to form words out of his nervousness. Why was he here? Is Siruko in trouble? 

"Do you still have classes? Can I invite you for tea?"

"Hai…" Siruko murmurs anxiously. Hanachan flashes him another wide smile and leads him to a sleek, fancy car.

The cafe Hanae-san brought him to was a quaint, charming one, and the smell of coffee and pastry wafts throughout the place. Hanae-san guides him to one of the more private tables. Their orders arrived moments later (expensive-looking aromatic tea for Hanachan and coffee for him, along with several kinds of pastries and treats).

"So, you're a university student? How's school?" Hanachan asks after a sip.

Siruko shrugs, "If I pretend that my professors are the monster bosses in a game I have to defeat and that every year I pass I level up and get closer to clearing the game, it's fine."

"You're a gamer?" Hanachan chuckles at the metaphor. "Sensei always makes me play horror games!" He complains good-naturedly. "What kind of games do you play?"

They converse for a while, pleasant enough to the point where they can laugh for a bit. Hanachan forks the scone to his mouth and remarks, "Now I know why Sensei likes you so much."

Siruko blinked, mouthful of croissant. "Eh??"

Hanachan shakes his head a little, grinning. "You're too cute for your own good. Listen, the real reason I met with you is this." He fishes out a big ticket and an armband from his coat. "Sensei's performing tomorrow at the Unit, so go see him, okay?"

Siruko swallows painfully, biting his lower lip anxiously. "But… doesn't he have an American tour?"

"We're on a break right now." Hanachan assures him, "He misses you. He doesn't say it, but I know him." Hanachan looks at him with heavy intensity, and suddenly Siruko knows why this man was good at what he does. Hanachan knows how to wield his charm and professionalism. Siruko privately thinks he would be super famous too if he weren't a manager. "Go see him, Siruko-san, and if you choose to, please talk to him. Everything will be alright once you talk. Got it?" Siruko finds himself unable to say no, not that he wants to. The thought that he'll be able to see Sensei fills him with nervous excitement. He nods meekly, accepting the gift. To be able to see Sensei, even just as a fan, it's enough. Siruko's stomach is filled with butterflies.

"Sa te, see you there!" Hanachan stands to leave, and Siruko scrambles to bow deeply to thank him. "You're really good for him, you know? Sensei's born to shine under the spotlight, but he won't take the stage if there wasn't someone pushing him and encouraging him from the shadows. He can fly to anywhere in the world, but at the end of the day, he needs and craves a home to come back to. Thanks for being that person, Siruko-san." 

Siruko flushes red at Hanachan's words. "Is it this easy to tease you? I might start doing it more." The manager laughs evilly, causing Siruko to sweat-drop. Hanachan places a firm hand on his shoulder.

"I know you've always been there for him, so continue to take care of him, ne? Let's play together sometime too!"

"Hai!" Siruko's lips twist upwards brightly. Hanachan is an amazing person; he was like a walking sun. Siruko stays in the cafe for a while, staring at the ticket for the details. He really really wants to see Sensei, and he's so tired of stalking him via fancams and tv shows and social media. Tomorrow, no matter what happens, whether Sensei dumps him or not, Siruko's going to see him, and that's all that matters.

It turns out, he'll be going to the concert on his birthday.

When he arrived at the concert venue, Siruko almost wanted to go back home again. He couldn't stop his hands from shaking, whether it was from nerves or excitement, he doesn't know. But the guard recognizes him (maybe Hanachan showed him a picture) and leads him to a back door, where usually the staff and crew are. Hanachan greets him and leads him to the steps that lead to the stage where Sensei already was. Siruko bites his lip and hunches to himself, hoping Sensei wouldn't notice him yet.

It was always a one-of-a-kind experience attending Sensei's concerts, and Siruko loves it. Loves the energy, loves the crowd swaying to the beat and chanting the idol's name. It was electrifying, and he can honestly say it was one of his favorite things in the world. Tonight's concert was a small one, a limited only fan member-exclusive type. But that didn't mean it wasn't crowded. It was Siruko's first time being on the other side of the stage though, and he can see the limojos and fans' excitement as Sensei taps his mic to start the show.

Siruko enjoys the show, he really does, but he feels a bit strange. Usually when he watches Sensei's concerts, he focuses on Sensei alone, blind to everything else. Now that he's on the other side of the stage, he can see the fans' reactions to everything Sensei does, the way their eyes are lit with faithful admiration, the way they absorb everything Sensei says and does, and it reminds Siruko again that Sensei is not his. That Sensei is a performer and he belongs to the microphone, to the stage, to the fans. And Siruko can tell that Sensei loves this, that he's having fun doing this, that the fanchants only motivate him to sing better, to be a brighter star than he already was. Siruko can't take this away from him, and maybe it really was for the best to part ways. If Sensei can't do it, then Siruko needed to be the one that got away. Siruko's heart drops to his stomach, melancholy seeping through his veins. I'd gladly sacrifice my heart and happiness, he thinks sadly, for Sensei.

As Siruko was about to leave, Sensei clears his throat on the mic, implying an encore. A crew hands him a guitar and Sensei jokes a little, and the fans are ecstatic. Sensei looks especially handsome under the bright spotlight, and that's not Siruko being biased. He drinks from his water bottle and suddenly Siruko feels thirsty too (it should be illegal to look that hot just by drinking water). He begins the encore by giving a message, and Siruko decides to stay against his better judgement. It might as well be the last song of Sensei's he'll ever let himself listen to.

"First, I'd like to thank all of my fans and supporters. I owe everything to you guys, and if it weren't for your support I wouldn't be here on this stage. The last five years were truly an amazing ride, and I'm glad to be able to share my music to the world. Thank you so much." He bows deeply. 

Suddenly, Sensei turns his head to the side and their eyes meet, blue connecting to purple. Sensei smiles, and Siruko can't help but to mirror it. Siruko's heart drums out loud in his ears. Limone addresses his audience again. "That's why I'm hoping that my fans can support me in this announcement I'm about to make." Sensei pauses, and there's a mix of confusion and anticipation in the air. Sensei holds Siruko's gaze again as he speaks into the microphone, and the intensity makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter harder. "There's a really special person in my life, a person that I love so much, and I hope my fans will accept that." Siruko's breath hitches. He can hear the shocked noises of the fans but he can't really process anything. Was Sensei… really doing it?

"Many of my fans have asked me before, why I don't sing about romance. I've actually written a lot, but I was scared. I know it's silly and stupid. Me? Scared?" The audience laughs and Sensei does too. Sensei can charm an entire mass of people just by being himself. "But that's the truth. The industry I work on can be ruthless and cruel sometimes, and every little thing I do is subject to the public eye. I wanted to protect this person from the hatred and the judgement, so I kept us a secret for a long, long time."

"How long?" An audience shouts, and Siruko panics, thinks that the fans won't accept, that they're angry, that Sensei's career is blowing up and Siruko's to be blamed, and it must have shown on his face because Hanachan is suddenly beside him brushing up on his elbows, and winks at him. He realizes that this must all be planned, that maybe the fan was planted there to ask it. Siruko relaxes.

"How long, you ask? Five years! It was way before I started being an utaite. Actually, you guys should thank this person because they were the one who told me to upload my singing videos." Sensei declares in amusement. His tone takes a more somber note as he continues. "I'm really sorry for keeping this from you guys, so please don't be mad." Siruko sees some people shake their heads as a reply, and he realizes for the first time that maybe, this could work. The sliver of hope shines bright for the first time in his life. Maybe Sensei can finally be his.

"I guess what I want to say is, I hope people can accept that I'm only human, and it's not a sin to love, is it?" The fans shake their heads unanimously, and some even looked like they were about to melt. Siruko feels he is about to melt too. "I decided that I want to still keep our relationship private, so I hope my real fans respect our privacy. This is me saying that I won't hesitate to shove any paparazzi cameras to their faces, bakatare omaera." The audience laughs and takes every word of Sensei's with an awesome amount of worship, like they're ready to fight anyone that stands in the way of their idol's happiness. "The most you guys get is maybe a hand or a voice in one of my social media posts, and that's it. I'm not sharing this person with anyone." Another audience shouts, "Sensei, aren't you too possessive!" and Sensei roars with laughter, making the audience join him too. "Yes I am!" He says proudly, and Siruko can only chuckle and shake his head exasperatedly.

"I won't be giving any interviews about this, so go ahead and upload this and share it everywhere. I also won't hesitate to take any legal actions, I can totally afford a lawyer or five." Sensei jokes, but everyone knows how serious he is taking this. "I'm just asking my true fans to respect that I'm allowed to love someone and I'll do anything in my power to protect it. Is that okay?"

The audience screams yes, and Sensei laughs, which is music to Siruko's ears already. He feels tears well up in his eyes and tries to hold them back by biting his lower lip. This is too overwhelming, and so different from all the ugly scenarios he was always worried about. This isn't how he imagined it to go, not this easy acceptance from his fans, not Sensei revealing he loves Siruko to the world first before Siruko himself. 

"I'm dedicating this song to that special person. I hope my feelings reach you, love." And the audience went 'aaaaaw' as the lights dim, a lone light focused on the singer.

Sensei began singing the notes to his latest single, and tonight he's performing it as a solo, the way Siruko heard it originally.  And now Siruko understands. It really was that summer: the picturesque beach on that day, the waves on his feet, the sand underneath his body as Sensei smiles on top of him. The beautiful purple twilight, the fireworks he wished would never end along with the summer. For the first time, he can finally assume that the song was his. Sensei was his.

And he can see it. That underneath the Limone-sensei that fans adore and worship on the stage was Siruko's Sensei who couldn't hold his hand in the beginning because he was too shy. That beneath all the glitter and glamour of being an idol, a star, is Siruko's sensei who knows all the spells in the Harry Potter movies, a big big dork who picks out all the vegetables in his food and whines about it unless Siruko threatens to withhold coitus if he doesn't eat it. He's still Siruko's Limone-sensei, who can master any game he plays so easily it's almost god-like, and honestly Siruko thinks Sensei would have been a better pro-gamer than an idol. 

His Sensei, who looks at him from time to time while singing, with love and affection in his intoxicating ocean eyes, something that Siruko can't be mistaken about anymore because it was so clear as the blue sky. 

As the song ended, Hanachan grabs his elbow, and Siruko quickly tries to wipe his cheeks (he didn't even realize he was crying) and Hanachan just gave him a knowing smile. "Here, go to this hotel room," he says while handing out a card. "Wait for him there, Siruko-san."

As he takes the card, he glances towards the stage and once again, blue meets purple eyes. Sensei smiles at him so tenderly it physically hurts Siruko's heart, and Siruko smiles back shyly. He's grateful for a time to collect himself before they talk, because if Sensei kept flashing that stupid disarming loving smile like that, Siruko will probaby die and ascend to heaven.

"Thanks, Hanachan."

"Sure! Just remember, put your hickeys in places we can't see, okay?" Hanachan winks.

Siruko blushes so hard he turns beet red, and Hanachan laughs loudly at his expense.

It took Siruko a long time to come down from the high Sensei brought him to. After admiring and checking out the high-class, fancy hotel room, he decides to take a shower to help calm himself down. Just as he came out of the (really big) bathroom, Sensei barges in with a loud noise, takes one long head-to-toe gawk at Siruko's robe-clad wet body, and Sensei lunges at him like a hungry predator, kissing him hard, taking his robe off faster than you can say "darling".

They're lying on the fancy bed now, silky sheets tangled up between them, the perfect afterglow leaving them to their own thoughts and to catch their own breaths. When he turns to his side to look at Sensei, he sees that Sensei still hasn't come back to Earth either, what with his dopey smile and glazed blue eyes. Siruko wants to bottle up this moment forever.

However, some matters need to be discussed first, even though Siruko would rather talk with his body than his mouth. "I think we should talk, Sensei."

"No shit." Sensei chuckles then faces him. This close, Siruko can feel Sensei's breath fanning his face, can count each beautiful eyelash, can easily touch Sensei's collarbone and feel the warm skin against his. Sensei takes his hand and kisses it, and Siruko follows the movement with his eyes. It was incredibly intimate, and he only realizes now that Sensei liked to do this all the time. He really was that blind, huh.

"First, I want to apologize. Nope, don't interrupt," Sensei puts a finger on his lips when Siruko was about to react. "This was my fault, and I'm surprised that you held out so long for me. Thinking back, that was really shitty of me and you could have left me, but you didn't. Thank you."

Sensei gathers his thoughts with a deep breath. "This is such a lousy excuse, but the truth is, I didn't have time to think about us. I was always chasing after my career, and frankly, I took you for granted. I never told you, but you're the anchor that keeps me stable and steadfast even against the stormiest weathers. The reason I can sail through this shitshow of a show business is because I have you to come back home to." Sensei traces his jawline affectionately, unknowingly repeating Hanae-san's words. Siruko's heart clenches. "You're my lifeline, Siruko-san. And you've been so patient, so kind, so understanding, waiting for me all this time. I'm so incredibly grateful but also really surprised that you haven't left my dumbass." They both let out amused laughs at that.

"After you called me that day, I realized how much I screwed up. I was so focused on keeping us a secret that I never even told you how I felt about you. So I talked to my agency, told them I want to announce us, and... wait, I realized I went ahead and said we're dating even though I never really asked you out." Sensei realizes, horror dawning on his face.

"Bakagayo," Siruko whispers Sensei's favorite phrase, making Sensei laugh. "You already said it out there, so you can't take it back. Oh my god, we're," Siruko mirrors Sesnsei's stricken pose as the realization hits him. "...dating! Sensei, punch me so I know I'm not dreaming."

"Bakagayo," Sensei shows him how it's said the right way, and Siruko giggles. He loves it when Sensei says that. "I talked to my agency, and at first they were hesitant. It's understandable, but my career could burn at our door and I wouldn't care. You can't expect an idol to sing about love when they're not allowed to love. That's stupid." He rolls his eyes irritatedly, and traces Siruko's lips with his finger.

"I did tell them I have hundreds of songs written about you, so that's good album material as any. There wasn't any point arguing with me because my mind was all made up, and Hanachan was totally backing me up hard. We pestered and badgered until they gave up and let me."

"But… wouldn't this damage your career?"

"Hmmm… the crazier fans would flip out, but I couldn't care less. Haven't you seen my fans? They're the kindest!"

"That's true." Siruko agrees. "Are you sure the limojos won't hate me?"

"Are you kidding? And aren't you my number one limojo, though?" Sensei kisses his nose, and Siruko giggles again, pressing closer. "But we're still gonna be private about this. Just as a precaution, I don't want anyone crazy coming after you, so I'm not revealing your identity if I can help it, and we still can't go out on dates in public. I'm sorry." Sensei hugs him tighter, kissing his violet hair as a sincere apology.

"It's okay, no one has to know about us. I'm already content that everyone knows you belong to me." Siruko feels Sensei laugh through the vibrations in his chest. The feeling of hearing Sensei's heart beat like this was magnetic. "But can we at least take a pic so I can tell my family and Bintroll?"

"Now? You really wanna be announcing us to them naked and just after we had---"

"NO!! LATER!! BAKA BAKA BAKA!"

Sensei laughs, and Siruko feels that everything is okay in the world. It feels like he's been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and it's been lifted off of him now. He relaxes further into Sensei's embrace, rubbing his head into the crook under Sensei's chin and burrowing further, like a feline. Sensei responds by stroking his hips, and Siruko knows it won't be long before they start their tumble in the sheets again, coz Sensei is insanely insatiable like that. But for now, Siruko savors the cuddles. Honestly, he didn't care about them hiding. It just feels better now that he can at least tell his friends, and that no matter what happens, he knows that Sensei is his. 

Of course it won't be easy, the complications of dating a famous person are always there to ruin things after all, but Siruko doesn't really care. As long as he gets to be with Sensei, that's enough. Even if he doesn't get to scream it to the world, as long as Sensei loves him back, it'll always be enough.

Siruko reluctantly pulls back from his warm cocoon of Sensei's arms to look up to Sensei's beautiful piercing eyes. "Sensei, I need to tell you something that might be the worst thing you'll ever hear."

"Hn?" Amusement dances in his blue eyes, already knowing what it is.

"I love you." 

"Jya, I'll tell you something too, but it might be even worse than what you just told me."

"Un?"

"I love you too. And happy birthday."

The kiss that came after was electricity starting up their hearts, fire burning their bones. It was blue as the beauty of sky, the loyalty and trust in every shade. It was purple painting the twilight, devotion and passion in every stroke of color.

It might have been a cruel summer, but Siruko wants every kind of summer with Sensei.

Later, the locket that was his birthday present opens up to a picture of them kissing at that beach, taken after Sensei had just turned his brain, body and soul into mush after their mind-blowing something and just right after fireworks decorated the night sky, and Siruko decides it wasn't really a cruel summer after all.

The End.

A/N:

I did imagine an omake where Siruko sends a picture of Sensei kissing his cheek while they're in bed to the Bintroll group chat, and Jiraichan screams "WHAAAAAAT", Quartetchi furiously types, "IS THIS A PRANK", Ichihachi calmly sends "Congratulations", and Minben-san teases him "Wow, way to go getting yourself a sugar daddy. Omeome!" Hakotaro calls him angrily and scolds him, but in the end, he was happy for his Niisan. (And maybe he gives Sensei the shovel talk later. Hurt my Niisan and I'll drive a wooden stake straight to your heart.)

My only regret is I want to write Sensei's pov, coz obviously Siruko can be a little bit of an adorable baka who doesnt see how much Sensei loves him---

The fantastic art in this story was made by my friend Shuura, so please do not grab or reupload it elsewhere. Thank you, Shuura! Click this to see more of her Limone-sensei art! 💙

Send me your reactions and comments! I'd love hearing your thoughts! Also, you can send some prompts or requests, I'd like to try challenging myself in writing, and any Bintroll pairing is fine! Thanks for reading~ 🌻

Also, the thought of scared-to-death Siruko-san x horror-fears-me Limone-sensei is haunting me, help I love this trope.

Lastly, I wonder if anyone can recognize the easter eggs and real references I wrote. There were a lot 🍋🐶

#LimoSiru #Bintrollfanfic #Limonesensei #Siruko

[cruelangelstheses]

The First Rule of Fright Club

fandom: bang dream rating: G characters: hello happy world words: 2.1k additional tags: halloween, haunted houses, canon compliant, fluff, humor description: at a haunted house, the members of hello happy world encounter a familiar face. a/n: hi!! this was written for the @bandori-zine for autumn!! it’s the perfect time for me to post this, to commemorate the start of spooky season! i love harohapi so much <3

read it on ao3

—

It’s a Saturday evening in mid-October, and Misaki can feel the chill of fall firmly setting in. She buttons up her denim jacket most of the way and pulls her beanie over her ears. It’s cooler now that the sun has mostly set, and the breeze doesn’t help matters, either. Kokoro, of course, is taking all of this in stride.

“Wow! It’s so dark and spooky out! It’s perfect for a haunted mansion!”

Misaki doesn’t think Kokoro completely understands that the haunted mansion they’re going to isn’t actually haunted, that it’s just an attraction with actors and creepy decorations, but she’s long given up trying to explain these things to her. Besides, Kokoro doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything. She looks at everything and everyone as though they’re her best friends, or have the potential to be.

“Yeah!” Hagumi agrees. “I wonder what kind of creatures we’ll see there!” She wrings her hands, which are covered with light gloves that serve more as fashion than warmth. “You don’t think they’ll try to eat us, do you?”

“Of course not!” Kokoro replies confidently as they reach the entrance of Halls of Horror. It looks like an old, abandoned mansion, the kind that are always in horror movies, though Misaki is pretty sure that it was just designed to look that way to add to the atmosphere. Regardless, it’s certainly working; Misaki still isn’t sure if she really wants to go in, but she agreed to come along anyway, if only for Kanon’s sake.

“Mi...Misaki-chan?” Kanon whispers. “We’ll be okay, right?”

Misaki smiles and tries to put on a brave act. “Of course. It’s all fake anyway, and these actors are trained. They know what they’re doing.”

Kanon takes a deep breath, twiddling her fingers nervously. “Okay.”

It’s just the four of them tonight, though Kaoru was invited. If only I could accompany you on this thrilling adventure! she had said earlier, with her signature dramatic flair. Alas, I have a previous engagement that I must attend to this evening. Misaki half-suspects that Kaoru just made that up so she wouldn’t have to go through a haunted house. She tries to act brave, and it fools a lot of people, but Misaki has figured out by now that she’s actually afraid of spooky things like bats and monsters. It’s kind of endearing. Kind of.

“I wish Michelle had been able to come,” Hagumi says as they hop into the line to be admitted into the mansion.

“Maybe she and Kaoru-san are both doing the same thing,” Misaki suggests. Her excuse for why Michelle couldn’t come had been vague, because usually that’s all it takes to explain her absence.

Kokoro grins at that. “Oh! If they are, then I hope they’re having a great time!” she says. “Maybe we can trade stories tomorrow at practice!”

The line moves fairly quickly, so they’re at the front and paying the admission before they know it. Instinctively, Misaki takes a few steps closer to Kokoro and Hagumi, and Kanon follows suit, so that they’re all sort of huddled together, like penguins. It makes her feel safer somehow, even though she knows it’s stupid to be nervous in the first place.

Unfortunately, the haunted house is designed mostly for single-file lines, so they can’t group together for long. As they follow the people in front of them into the haunted house, Kokoro takes the lead, naturally, with Hagumi right behind her, Kanon next, and Misaki bringing up the rear. She can’t help the shiver that runs down her spine when they enter the darkness.

As her eyes adjust to the dim light, Misaki can see that they seem to be in some sort of foyer adorned with old furniture, strange paintings on the walls, and cobwebs in every corner. Most of it is inaccessible to them, forcing them to continue their one-way journey, and a pair of actors dressed in old, ripped-up tuxedos reach out to touch them as they pass. Their hands and faces look like rotting flesh, and most of their teeth seem to be either yellowed or gone. “Oh! Hello there!” Kokoro says when one of the men hisses and grabs her shoulder. “You don’t look so good. Are you feeling sick? I know some people who can get you fixed right up!”

“Uh,” Hagumi says worriedly, grabbing onto Kokoro’s other arm and pulling lightly, “I don’t think they want to talk, Kokoron! Let’s keep going!”

Misaki laughs sheepishly as they pass by the men and exit the foyer. Sometimes she wishes Kokoro would just get scared like a normal person; it’s embarrassing to have to drag her away from any enemy or monster because she doesn’t understand the concept of danger.

In the next room, a living area decorated in a fashion similar to the foyer, three “vampires” with razor-sharp fangs and blood running down the sides of their mouths discuss which one of the girls would be the best snack. “I’d take the little one,” one says, grinning and pointing at Hagumi as she follows Kokoro into the next hallway. “Short hair doesn’t get in the way as much.” The vampire makes a slurping sound, and Hagumi covers her neck with her hands protectively. Misaki still can’t figure out whether or not Hagumi realizes that the monsters aren’t real.

As Kanon and Misaki approach the doorway leading into the hall, a fourth vampire jumps out from a dark corner and startles them, hissing and laughing. They both yelp and grab onto each other for safety, then rush into the hallway behind Kokoro and Hagumi. “Th-that was scary!” Kanon whispers.

“Yeah,” Misaki says dismissively, trying not to show that it rattled her. “But it’s fine. None of it’s real.”

The rest of the haunted house proceeds in a similar fashion, with a few jump scares here and there, an assortment of elaborately decorated rooms, and realistic-looking actors dressed up as various spooky characters, from a man with a chainsaw to a mime. Kanon and Hagumi seem to be enjoying themselves despite the frightening atmosphere, which might be due in part to Kokoro’s antics. She still hasn’t quite grasped that the “monsters” are supposed to be malicious and scary and certainly not friendly.

“Ooh!” she says to the man with a chainsaw as he revs it up threateningly. “That’s a really big chainsaw! I bet you can cut a lot of wood with that!”

“Wood’s not the only thing I use it for,” the man replies ominously.

“Oh, I bet!” Kokoro says as they pass him and head into the next area. “You could probably cut anything with something like that!”

Despite herself, Misaki laughs and shakes her head. Part of her is thankful for Kokoro’s unwavering positivity—it keeps her spirits light, keeps her from getting too sucked into the mansion’s horrors. Not that she’d ever admit that.

One of the last rooms they enter is an old, ornate-looking bedroom covered in cobwebs. Hanging on the walls are old photographs of a young woman with three children. Misaki can hear the voice of a woman, moaning slowly and laboriously, as if in deep pain, but she can’t figure out where it’s coming from—there’s nothing in the room. Kanon huddles closer to her, glancing back and forth around the room. “What is that?” she whispers.

“I don’t know,” Misaki says. She can hear the voice getting louder and more intense, as if the woman’s pain is worsening.

The lights in the bedroom, already dim, start to flicker on and off. The woman’s voice feels closer, but Misaki can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. Her heart feels like it’s jumped up into her throat. Then the doors of a closet hidden in the corner burst open, and a tall, ghostly figure jumps out, wailing and crying, a thin veil covering her face.

All four of the girls scream in various states of shock and terror, holding onto each other for protection. Then, after a half second of silence, Kokoro says, breathless, “Wow! You definitely startled us, Ghost! You’re really good at this!”

Misaki feels her heart start to return to its rightful place in her chest. She’s not sure whether to laugh or cry in disbelief.

The phantom woman sighs and puts a hand to her heart. “How flattering,” she says, “but I fear that frightening you has done naught to ease my sorrow.”

“Oh, no!” Kokoro says. “What are you sad about?”

“My children,” the woman replies, “my children were taken away from me. But I suffer a most miserable curse—I cannot leave this house, nay, even this room, to search for them. I wish and wait every night for them to return to me, but alas...they never have.” She puts the back of her hand against her forehead, a gesture Misaki has seen a certain someone perform many times, both in plays and musicals and in casual conversation, when saying something that she thinks is particularly tragic.

Wait a minute. That voice, that manner of speech…

“Well, that’s no fun at all!” Kokoro says with a frown. She glances over at the door to the exit. “I don’t think we can stay for much longer, but I want to help. I want to make you smile!”

The “ghost” sighs again. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I know that you must depart, and so I have a favor to ask of you. If you should stumble upon any of my dear children in your travels...I implore you, little kitten, bring them to me.”

Little kitten.

Kokoro nods furiously. “Oh! I definitely will! I swear I’ll help you smile again!”

With that, she leads the group out of the bedroom and through the doorway. To Misaki’s surprise, they find themselves not in another room, but outside, stepping into a chilly fall evening. “Whew!” Hagumi says, pulling her gloves out of her jacket pockets and slipping them back onto her hands. “That was scary...but it was really fun!”

“Y-yeah,” Kanon agrees with a tiny smile. “I liked it.”

“Great!” Kokoro says, turning around to face the group. “Hey, hey, Misaki, what did you think?”

Misaki smiles awkwardly. “Oh, uh, I had fun.” It’s true, actually—she did have fun, more than she’s willing to let on—but it still comes out sounding sort of like she’s faking it.

Kokoro, of course, remains oblivious, or seemingly so. “Good!” she says, turning back around and leading them out onto the main street. “It’s too bad that Kaoru and Michelle weren’t here. We’ll have to tell them all about it!”

Misaki bites her lip. Yeah. Uh. About that.

As they walk, Kanon falls back with Misaki, a few paces behind Kokoro and Hagumi, who are recounting their favorite parts of the evening. “Misaki-chan,” she says quietly. “Did you...notice anything about the...the ghost?”

Misaki raises an eyebrow. “You mean like how she talked and acted a lot like Kaoru-san?”

Kanon breathes a sigh of relief, as if she was afraid she was the only one who had noticed. “Yeah, that. I guess that was the…the ‘previous engagement’ she mentioned.”

Misaki laughs a little. “That girl couldn’t turn down an acting job to save her life.”

Kanon hesitates before nodding at Kokoro and Hagumi. “We’re not going to tell them, will we?”

Misaki shakes her head. “That’s Kaoru-san’s secret to keep. Or give away. We’ll let her decide when the time comes.”

—

The next day at Kokoro’s house, before the start of band practice, Kokoro and Hagumi catch Kaoru up to speed on their exciting night. Misaki hasn’t changed into her Michelle suit yet, so she doesn’t have to pretend like she doesn’t know what they’re talking about, though she’s sure they’ll retell the whole story for her once she’s inside the bear. Kaoru, on the other hand, listens intently to the girls’ descriptions, as if she isn’t intimately familiar with Halls of Horror and all its surprises.

“And then,” Kokoro says, “at the very end, there was this ghost woman who really scared us! But it turned out that she was just lonely and sad. So now I’m keeping an eye out for her children so that she can be happy again!” She puts her hands on her hips and puffs out her chest in determination. “She was really tall. And she called me ‘little kitten,’ just like you say, Kaoru!”

Kaoru chuckles nervously. “Oh, she did?”

“Yeah!” Kokoro says. “I guess I must resemble a kitten somehow, since multiple people have called me one.”

Misaki can practically feel Kaoru’s inward sigh of relief, and she has to suppress the urge to snort. Instead, she exchanges a knowing glance with Kanon, who simply smiles back at her. At least now she’s not the only one in the band with a secret identity, but she doubts Kaoru will ever figure that out.

#bandori #bang dream #hello happy world #harohapi #misaki okusawa #kokoro tsurumaki #kanon matsubara #kaoru seta #hagumi kitazawa #my fics