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#not having the energy to draw and talk to people and respond to asks is bringing my mood down
canisalbus · 1 month
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vulpinesaint · 1 year
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throws a book at the wall i'm SO fucking tired of putting emotional effort into relationships only for it not to be reciprocated
#trying so fucking hard not to resent someone i really like rn.#they're going through a hard time and obvi i'm glad they feel comfortable coming to me for support.#but also... :( to have that be the only thing we really talk ab anymore...#miss them i guess. wanna talk like we used to.#nd to send support and an expression of how i rlly empathize bc i'm going through smth similar and get no response...#idk. sadbad. working on not letting those feelings fester#i just cannot be therapistfriend. i am Not therapist friend in most situations!!!#the problem is that i am a very good listener but not super approachable in that way to most people?#so i end up with one or two people with really big constant problems every year or so who put All of that onto me.#and i try SO fucking hard in my relationships with people i care about.#and that's SO much energy and emotional investment into their problems and it just isn't sustainable.#especially when i'm not getting it in return.#idk i probably just need to tell them what i'm feeling about. open and honest communication ftw#i'm sure they'll get it if i say 'i've had a lot of relationships in the past that devolved into me being the vessel for people's issues...#...and it's turned into me resenting them over time and i really don't want that to happen with us.'#'just need you to talk w/ me about other things sometimes' y'know?#i'm already drawing a lot of boundaries so that i don't throw myself into comforting and placating and facilitating someone's feelings#which DOES make me a good listener. but i can't be sacrificing myself for that. not rn anyway.#god but also i just want to have a fucking conversation sometimes is that too much to ask#i get that ur having a hard time emotionally but you could at least respond to the easy upbeat messages that i send you#specifically TO facilitate easy upbeat conversation that doesn't require emotional effort from you#or like. initiate conversation Ever when it's not around the negative situation u want to talk to me about. you know.#it's okay. i'll talk to them. just feeling frustrated.#i'm going to get bled fucking dry if i keep putting so much of myself into relationships without receiving anything in return#valentine notes
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ginax0916 · 4 months
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⋆。𖦹 °.✩ 𝐈’𝐦 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✩⋆。𖦹 °.
Chris Sturniolo x Fem!Reader
Genre - Fluff :)
Synopsis - Reader is a shy introverted person, she rarely adds on to convos. But when she finally tries to she’s ignored, but Chris is the one willing to listen to her.
I’m someone who doesn’t really talk. Not because I can’t, just because I choose not to. I just feel like I really have nothing to say. I just sit there and listen to others. It’s the way I prefer it.
I’ve been friends with the triplets for over 2 years now. But with them it’s a little different. I do talk when I’m around them, I just feel more comfortable. They always let me speak; unlike with big groups of people they tend to ignore me or just not care for what I have to say. And I guess I understand it. I mean I’m a quiet person, my voice in general is quiet. Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say?
“N/n you ready to go?” Chris asks, calling me by my nickname.
“Uh yea I’m ready” I nervously respond. We were all going to some birthday party for one of the triplets friends. I don’t really know them but I was invited too and since the triplets are going I guess I am too.
“You ok?” Matt asks noticing my nerves.
“Yea why?” I reply trying to hide my emotions.
“No reason” He rubs my arm and walks away to the car.
I look around as we enter the house. It’s quite big, it’s filled with balloons and decorations all over. The neon lights making it hard to see the colours of things. It’s loud. Very loud. Too loud for my personal liking. Chris on the other hand is already talking to half of the people here. I’ve always admired him. The way he can just talk to everyone so easily is mind blowing to me. And everyone around him just seems to like his energy. I don’t understand how he does it. But I’m sure his looks have definitely something to do with it.
“Matt and I are gonna go look for Larray, are you ok staying with Chris or do you wanna come with us??” Nick asks me knowing I don’t like to be alone at parties.
“I can stay with Chris I don’t mind” I smile back as they nod and walk away.
“Chris?” I quietly say tapping his shoulder.
“Hm? You ok? Where’s Nick and Matt?” Chris asks starting to panic a little.
“I’m ok, I was just gonna ask you if I could stay with you because Matt and Nick went to look for Larray” I reply back, looking down at the floor intimidated by his stare.
“Of course you can stay with me. We’re all gonna go outside to talk come on” He smiles and I grab on to his arm as we move to the outside patio.
This is the part I hate the most. The talking. Makes me look like an idiot who can’t speak. Not to mention I look like a child holding on to Chris’s arm for dear life because I’m too scared to let go. He doesn’t seem to mind, but the stares other girls are giving me are telling me for some reason they mind.
“No yea I agree dude like I can’t believe she would do that to him”
“So what are you guys doing for summer? We should throw a big summer party and the beach”
“Did you guys hear about the tea with Kate and her boyfriend??”
I try and tune out all the different convos that have been happening. I have nothing to say about them. Until one. Kate is my best friend. I know everything that’s happening with her and her bf. Should I say something? I can’t. But I really want to. My mouth twitches. I want to talk I really want to.
“Y/n aren’t you like best friends with Kate?” Some girl asks me.
“I- I am yea” I stutter. Already growing nervous with all the eyes looking at me.
“So like is it true that she fucked another guy and cheated??” The girl asks smiling.
“What? No she didn’t” I reply quietly my hands sweating and slightly shaking. I feel Chris rub my arm, drawing little shapes with his fingers as if he’s telling me to relax.
“Yea she did I know she did” She says laughing.
“N-no that not what happened. It w-was the other way around” I stutter again, feeling embarrassed.
“Why do you stutter so much? Did the cat get your tongue?” She spits out giving me and nasty look.
Everyone laughed. Every single person there laughed. All looking at me judging me. I want to cry. There’s tears pricking at my eyes. My throat closes up. I hate this all I wanna leave.
“Dude what the fuck leave her alone” Chris raises his voice at the girl.
But before I can hear what that bitch has to say I get up and speed walk away to somewhere quiet.
Tears run down my face as I go upstairs and find an unlocked room. I go to the balcony and sit on the chair with my knees up to my chest. My heavy breathing filling up the room. How pathetic of me? Having a panic attack over talking?
“Oh baby” I hear a familiar voice say. I look up with tear filled eyes and see Chris approaching me with a small comforting smile on his pretty lips.
“C’mere” He opens his arms up to me inviting me into his warm embrace. Without a thought I wrap my arms around his torso and lay my head on his stomach since I’m still sitting down.
“It’s ok, you’re ok. Breathe for me yea? Nice and slow. Just like that pretty girl” The praise giving me butterflies as I follow his instructions which help me calm down.
He suddenly picks me up with ease and sits on the chair I was once on. I stare at him confused for a second; he chuckles and grabs my hips making me sit on his lap sideways. Chris then holds my head with one hand keeping it close to him, and rubs my back with the other hand.
“I’m listening ma” He smiles. I blush at the nickname and look down.
“No no none of that, don’t shy up on me” Chris laughs and tilts my chin up for me to look at him.
“Will you really listen or are you just saying that because I’m crying?” I say quietly as I sniffle and nuzzle my head into his neck.
“Of course I will listen, I want to hear your pretty voice” He rubs my knee in a comforting way while smiling down at me.
“Ok well first it’s not true what that girl said because you know Kate she wouldn’t do that” I started off.
Chris only stared at me in adoration with the biggest smile on his face. He’s the one that truly listen to me.
“But then she found his phone and saw the text!” I kept on going on about the story till the end of it.
“Well now I know the truth ma” He says using that nickname again.
“Mhm” I hum blushing because of the nickname.
“It’s cute when you blush after I call you ma” He laughs making me blush even harder.
“Come on let’s go find Nick and Matt so we can go home and watch a movie yea?”
I tried to do something diff and wrote about Chris cuz I just felt like it would be fun yk. So I’ll be doing fics about the Sturniolos too so pls pls request anything I’m in need of ideas I beg 😣🙏
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a-simple-imagine · 2 months
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Perfectly Pathetic Pt.2
synopsis: you try to fix things with cady while maintaining your friendship with the plastics
pairing: regina george x fem!reader, elements of cady heron x fem!reader
words: 6.6k (6666 to be exact)
A/N - it’s here at long last besties!! get it while it’s hot because i might delete later idk how i feel about it
WARNINGS - swearing, toxic relationships and general toxicity, d-slur, and bullying
PREV //
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come Sunday, you wake up with a throbbing head and zero energy left in your body but memories sit crystal clear. you remember Regina trying to come onto you. her scaring Cady away. Gretchen rubbing your back as you listen to her whine about Jason for the millionth time. weird night. you check your phone but don't bother to reply to anyone except Karen who wouldn't stop sending you explicit details about some reality show she was binging. but alas the weekend was over and you're forced to brave the embarrassment of going back to school after a party. happens every time. people do dumb shit and are forced to face it on Monday.
the first person you come across is none other than the red-headed new girl herself. you have got to imagine she is mad at you after what happened; the lies Regina told. it was not your fault but you should probably try and make peace.
"Hey! New girl," yelled down the hallway, you walk a little faster in order to catch up. you watch her glance around a little confused as you approach.
"Oh," her expression seems to neutralise as she realises it's you. "hi."
"did you have a good Sunday?"
"it was alright," the fact she was speaking to you was a good sign. "I spent it with my mom."
"cute," you flash a smile. Cady was clutching her books pretty tightly. "I thought we should maybe talk about Saturday."
"We don't have to to."
"but I want to," you insist. "please?"
"Regina already told me,"
"Regina is a liar," you blurt out. hopefully, that wouldn't get back to her. "I don't know what she said exactly but it's not true," she looks at you with curious eyes. "I wasn't stringing you along or anything,"
"Sure,"
"I like you, Cady. you're... different," you express. "I wanna be your friend. and I was really happy when you showed up at the party,"
"Really?"
"mhmm," you hum, nodding to prove your point. "cross my heart." you mime the action of drawing a cross across your chest. you're not sure they're gonna forgive you but the bell for homeroom would ring at any moment so time was running out.
"Okay," replied after a moment. a small smile that's quick to fade.
"do you want to finish working on our assignment later?" you ask.
"Sure," they shrug. "meet you out front?"
you're not entirely convinced you're forgiven but you'll take what you can get. you're about to respond when your eyes spot Gretchen amongst the crowd. you lock eyes for a second before she bolts in the opposite direction. with a heavy sigh, you charge after her.
"Gretchen." yelled down the hallway causing a few heads to turn. people naturally darted out of your way but you almost smashed into a few people. "Gretchen," is she getting quicker? "will you just stop?" the answer was apparently no because she just kept going until you manage to grab her arm forcing her to stop. "what the fuck?"
"oh hey, I didn't see you back there." she lies, offering a less-than-genuine smile.
"I was literally yelling your name?" your brow furrowed. you could almost see the gears turning in her head trying to come up with some kind of excuse.
"Sorry, I'm tired- mustn't have heard you." was that the best she could do? you just roll your eyes.
"Can you not tell Regina I was talking to Cady."
"Why?" she asks despite already knowing the answer.
"Please, Gretchen? it's really not a big deal, okay so let's just keep it between us."
"I said you should stay away from her and you ignored me."
"I know and you were probably right but," you shrug. "it's too late and besides, I have to do a presentation with her, that's why we were talking. you can even ask Karen."
"I won't tell anyone." that was a lie. She won't tell anyone except Regina obviously. always trying to be in her good graces.
"if you promise not to tell, I'll... tell Jason something bad about Taylor? like she has crabs or something?"
her eyes light up at the prospect. "really?"
you nod. Taylor had never liked you so you weren't exactly on the best of terms and if making up some rumour about her gets Gretchen off your back then great. "but you can't tell Regina, deal?"
"deal," Gretchen smiles brightly. thank fuck for that. you start walking together now. "so what happened at the party?"
"don't you already know?" you tease. "thought that pretty little head of yours knew everything."
"I'm working on it."
you shrug. she'd probably find out eventually. "nothing really. Regina told Cady some stuff about me."
"that you don't like her and are only pretending to be her friend?"
"so you did already know,"
"I don't know what you see in Cady."
"I don't know." she just wasn't like anyone else. a new avenue to discover. most of these people you've known for years. the bell rings out and suddenly you remember you were supposed to drop off a take-home quiz by homeroom today. you had actually done it but forgot it was in your locker. "oh shit,"
"What?"
"I just forgot to hand something in i'll see you later," with a quick wave goodbye, you rush off back the way you've come. it wasn't like you were bad in school or anything. just sometimes you'd forget to bring in homework. one... or four late quizzes later and suddenly Ms. Norbury is giving you extra work to make up for it. it's not like you have a life or anything. As you grab the paper from your locker, Karen Shetty emerges.
"Morning," sang dazzlingly as she shoved your locker door closed.
"good morning," you smile softly, a glance over her outfit. "you're particularly chirpy today and look great,"
a tiny theatrical gasp, she puts a playful hand over her chest. "thank you,"
"where did you get the cardigan?"
"thrifted it,"
"oooh, I love that," you say. "also it goes so well with that super cute bracelet you're wearing,"
"Aw thanks, my friend made it."
"that's so cute, she must be a really great friend," you tease.
"she is," Karen nods. "where are you headed?"
"I gotta drop this off to Ms.Norbury or I'll fail math,"
"Can I come?"
it wasn't exactly an exciting trip so you don't know why she would want to? plus you were late for homeroom now. "I guess?"
"did you have fun at the party?" Karen inquiries as you begin towards Ms Norbury's homeroom class.
"it was alright,"
"I heard you got into a fight with Regina,"
"hardly a fight," you sigh. it was gonna be a very long day. "it's fine. you know how she can be,"
"was it over Cady?"
"Why does everyone suddenly care about Cady?" you stress. "it really doesn't matter."
a shrug. "I heard from Gretchen that Connor is grounded now because he didn't tell his parents about the party and they found out because somebody was sick in like a vase or something,"
"ew," you giggle, scrunching up your nose in disgust. "like they just found cold vomit in a vase?"
"mhmm," Karen nods eagerly. you make a fake gagging action as you knock on the open door. why is it always so awkward to walk into an already full classroom? ms. Norbury invited you further inside and you can't help but look at the people staring at you.
"so you do know how to hand things in on time," you resist the urge to roll your eyes. "great. now if you can just do that all the time."
"I make no promises," you answer, placing your homework down on her desk. when your eyes meet Cady's she waves a little. you flash a smile.
"come see me after school and I'll let you know how you did and if I need anything else from you,"
"Okay," you sigh. wasn't your first extra credit quiz. nor your last probably. you leave the classroom quickly, grabbing Karen's hand. she'd been waiting at the door.
"lots of people in there,"
"yeah because we're supposed to be in homeroom," you advise her.
"I didn't hear the bell,"
oh, Karen. "just come on."
it was a rather lifeless day thank god. you were grateful for the peace. and ms. Norbury hadn't given you any more work. you still had your tutor sessions but they never bothered you too much. now you're sitting staring at your laptop pretending you're doing research. Cady is scribbling in her notebook. Once again you're bored. and you can't help but watch Cady and wonder if she really has forgiven you. sure you were together right now but only because of this stupid presentation. you sit up a little straighter, taking a sip from your water bottle. "are you mad at me?"
it's sudden and she seems perplexed as she glances up at you. "huh?"
"I don't want you to be mad at me"
"I'm not mad," she urges, going back to her little scribbling. "you said Regina was lying, I believe you."
"just like that?" it seemed too easy.
"just like that,"
"how do you know I'm not lying about Regina lying though?"
"I don't." a shrug, she looks at you. "I'm just trusting you so can we please get back on track." you're not sure you would forgive someone as easily as this. it seemed naïve. or maybe she was just a better person than you. either way, this was what you wanted so...
"This is so boring," you whine loudly, pushing your laptop away so you can dramatically collapse against the table.
"if you actually help instead of complaining, we'd get it done quicker."
"Cady," you sigh loudly. "let's not, I'm just here to be pretty, okay? I shouldn't be forced to do homework too."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," you sit up properly once more. "ask away."
"Why do you hang out with Regina?" the question catches you a little off guard. why did she wanna know that?
"What does that have to do with the book?" you counter, a playful raise of your brow. "if you stayed on topic, we'd get it done quicker."
"I'm serious."
you shrug a little. "why wouldn't I? She's like one of my best friends."
"why though? I've seen the way she treats you,"
"you just don't get Regina," very few people did. sure she was kinda mean and pushy, you'd never deny that but the rest of the school didn't get to see her other side. which was also kinda mean but a tad softer. the blonde was fierce. if someone fucked with you, or Karen, or even Gretchen, she'd go to war. you've watched her destroy girls just to prop Gretchen up to Jason. maul boys for making fun of Karen. you only got away with half the shit you did because you were friends with Regina. maybe she kept you around because you showered her with love and attention but she, in her own way, gave it right back. "she can be a lot but she's really cool."
"she's horrible to literally everyone."
"yeah but that's like kinda funny," Cady gives you a look suggesting she doesn't agree which was fair but she didn't exactly pick the nicest people to be friends with. Damian was funny in class and you liked to tell him gossip that Gretchen told you. you never really spoke to Janis too much but you've seen her around. heard what she says about you. She makes jokes right to your face. "don't act like Janis doesn't do the exact same thing. why do you hang out with her?"
"That's different,"
"is it?" you challenge. "or is Regina just popular?" Cady seems to not have an answer because she goes back to the book. "she's my friend and I like her. simple as."
"I'm sorry for asking,"
"Don't worry about it," you weren't particularly angry. you knew how people viewed Regina. a mixture of high admiration and fear. "So did you enjoy your first party?"
"yeah. not exactly what I was expecting,"
"they're not all like that," you urge. "sometimes they're fun. sometimes you wanna stab yourself in the eye to get out of it."
"did you have fun?"
"fun is not the word I would use but it was an experience," After Cady left you kind of just sulked with Gretchen until Karen found you and insisted you had to dance together. you spent the rest of the night with her. "I'm happy you came. I wish Regina hadn't messed everything up."
"sorry I left."
"you don't have to apologise." you smile. "we're hanging out now even if you're making me do homework. and there's always next time."
"I'm not making you do homework," Cady argues. you just smile. shuffling along the bench so you're right beside her. She has the book open in front of her and a notebook full of scribbles. you repeatedly tap the notebook with your finger.
"Are these not notes for our project? is that not homework?"
"yeah but these are my notes," she expresses, snatching up her notebook to place on the side away from you. As your eyes meet, you can almost pinpoint the exact moment she gets flustered. a dusting of pink gracing her cheeks. "you're just fucking about."
a dramatic gasp before a smile takes over. "I would never."
Cady smiles and before you have time to react she is leaning in to connect your lips in the softest of embraces. it reminds you of the first time Regina kissed you. only it never had the chance to become anything more before you pull back.
"Sorry- I didn't. I don't know why I did that." that dusting of pink is now a deep shade of red. panic in her voice. eyes firmly on her homework. you're unsure of what to say exactly. you liked Cady. maybe even the same way she apparently liked you. but you just weren't sure yet.
"It's alright, don't worry about it," you express. "uh... should we get back to the book?"
you weren't mad or upset with Cady. her kissing you had just left you feeling... weird? so even as you parted ways and you got texts later in the evening, you couldn't bring yourself to reply. you just needed some time to think.
Lunchtime is weird. Everyone is quiet. Painfully quiet. Karen and Gretchen are just eating their lunch. Regina is staring at the label of her yoghurt. you're sat there anxiously like a child bursting with energy. this was so unlike them. "can someone just talk already," you blurt out. a little startled, everyone looks at you. "sorry. just nobody is talking and it's freaking me out. normally Gretchen never shuts up."
"why are you even here?" Regina asks, twisting the dessert in her hand. you wish she'd just eat it instead of inspecting it.
"why wouldn't I be?"
"shouldn't you be over there with the pyro-dyke and her band of freaks." her head nods in the direction she means but her eyes never leave that stupid label. the nickname referred to Janis and Band of Freaks must mean Cady and Damian.
a sigh. "you're being ridiculous,"
"I'm being what?" Regina asked firmly. her yoghurt placed down slowly as her eyes zone in on you. sharp and daring. Karen gently nudges your leg with hers but you're not sure if it was an accident or a warning. you glance at her and then at Gretchen who is keeping her eyes firmly on her food.
"nothing. sorry," you say softly.
"stand up," voice low but commanding. you can't tell if she's serious so you remain seated. watching her. "stand up. now." she was louder now. attracting attention. putting on a show as various people looked to see what the commotion was. "you wanna run around with freaks and lesbos, then go."
"Are you-"
"go." you swallow hard. willing yourself not to crumble under the pressure of everyone's gaze. you could argue back but you know better than to challenge her when she's this pissed off. so you just push up, grab your tray and leave the table. you lock eyes with Janis along the way who is next to Cady. you can't join them like Regina so angrily implied, it'd just make things worse for them and yourself.
your last few classes of the day are spent wondering what you've done to piss off Regina today. you've hardly even seen her. maybe Gretchen told her about the hallway yesterday? She promised not to plus this seemed like a massive overreaction. you're at your locker, grabbing your stuff when Gretchen approaches. "Regina said if you can behave yourself you're allowed to come shopping with us,"
"hello to you too Gretchen," you slam the metal door shut. "no thank you.."
"Seriously?"
"she basically banished me from the cafeteria today, why would I wanna go anywhere with her?" you ask but it was mostly rhetorical as you start down the hall.
"you know she was only joking," the brunette trails after you.
"was she? felt pretty real to me,"
"that's just her humour," Gretchen assures you. "you have to come. Regina will be upset,"
"Regina doesn't have emotions," you fire back, pushing through the double doors, you almost collide with another person. "Jesus, watch out."
didn't take long to realise who it was. "it's Karen actually,"
"I know your name, baby" you pat her shoulder. "why are you right outside the door?"
"waiting for you," she takes your hand. "we're going shopping."
"I don't wanna do that," you express but Karen is already leading you towards Regina's jeep. "Karen, let go" you groan but put up little resistance. the blonde is leaning against the side eyes on you as you're being dragged across the front lawn.
"you found her then," the blonde comments, pushing away from the metal of her jeep. "thought we'd have to start putting up lost dog posters or something."
"why am I even here?"
"Isn't it obvious- get in the car." Regina climbs in and everyone else does the same. "we need someone to carry the bags."
why were you here? why had you given in so easily? You didn't even want to go shopping and now you're staring at yourself in the wall-length mirror of a dressing room, trying on outfits. with a heavy sigh, you step through the curtain
"what do you think?"
"you look great," declares Gretchen.
"beautiful," an eager Karen. She had picked it out.
Regina turns from the large mirror at the end of the space where she was inspecting the dress she was trying on to you. "ew." is all she says before turning back.
"yeah, I never liked it," Gretchen remarks quickly.
"try this," Karen shoves a hanger in your hand before pushing you back towards the dressing room. you stare at your reflection once more. you didn't think it looked too bad but maybe Regina was right. it wasn't exactly your style but that's because Karen picked it. it was more you than most of the outfits she tried to get you to wear... it did sit a little weirdly. you can hear Regina talking to the girls, sending them each on an errand. and then it's silent. you begin to undress when the blonde calls your name. you stop what you're doing. She says it again and you walk out.
"what's up?" you question cautiously. you weren't about to let your guard down around her.
"what do you think of this dress?" the blonde spins to face you. hands on her hips. your brow furrows. why did she want your opinion? your eyes drift. taking in Regina. notice every curve. She really was a sight to behold.
"looks good."
"That's all I get?"
"What were you expecting?"
The girl turns back. "A shower of complements but guess you're not even good for that anymore."
"I said it looks good?"
"I'm done with you now. go change out of that ugly outfit already."
you wanna say something but you decide to just bite your tongue and head back into the dressing room.
come the weekend, Regina is out of town with her parents which means you've ended up with babysitting duties. Gretchen and Karen had both decided they were coming over to your place. you didn't mind. so now you're loitering on the bed with your back against your headboard scrolling through your phone. Karen is snuggled up in half a blanket using your lap as a pillow also scrolling through her phone. it's silent but comfortable. Gretchen vanished about ten minutes ago and hasn't returned. "do we have to start hanging out with Cady?"
"What?" you glance down from your phone. 
"I don't wanna hang out with her, she's creepy."
"that's not very nice, Karen," you scold. "but no. why would we?"
"Because you're like a thing now," Karen answered, pressing her phone to her chest. She meets your stare. "you kissed"
"excuse me?" your heart practically skips a beat. you undoubtedly hadn't told anyone that Cady kissed you and you're almost certain she hadn't.
"what? Gretchen told us that she saw you and Cady making out after school on Monday," Gretchen fucking weiners. of course. but how did she know?
"by us you mean?"
"me and Regina," fuck.
"When was this?" you wonder. and as if summoned on cue, Gretchen emerges through the doorway and you can't help but raise your voice. "you told Regina I was making out with Cady?"
"What?"
"Karen told me so don't lie," you demand. "I thought we had a deal."
"I didn't tell her about the hallway."
"Are you stupid?" you press. Gretchen sits on the edge of your bed, fluttering her eyelashes.
"I'm sorry," a hefty sigh. the girl shuffled up the bed so she was beside you. "are you mad at me?"
"Obviously."
"but you love me?" you don't reply and she nudges your shoulder with hers. "right?" you stay silent, glimpsing at her withan empty expression. you did love her but you were pissed off with her right now.
"look at this," Karen shoves her phone straight up and into your view. it shows a picture of herself. you assume she had just taken by the outfit.
"adorable," you smile walmly but it quickly fades. Gretchen had very much fucked you over. That day with Cady, you hadn't seen anyone around other than a few stray students. why was Gretchen even still there? and why hadn't she asked you about it before telling Regina?
"did you see what Kelsey posted today?" Gretchen questions, pulling out her phone. "it's so pathetic. like she's clearly doing it just for attention." you let your head fall back against the wall as Gretchen proceeds to talk in your ear. your mind drifts to the day in the cafeteria when Regina embarrassed you in front of everyone. you had thought it was an extreme reaction to a conversation in the hallway but turns out it was because of the kiss. was she that jealous of the idea of you and Cady? That made little sense when she was running around with Shane.
"Does Regina hate me?"
"of course not," Gretchen insists, a comforting hand placed on your shoulder. "you know anger is basically her love language. she just cares a lot."
"Regina thinks Cady is a freak," Karen contributes. "and that you hanging out with her makes us look bad."
"We were just doing homework."
"I saw you kiss her," Gretchen retorts.
"she kissed me,"
"you have been hanging out with her a lot," Karen states
"and you invited her to Connor's party," Gretchen resumes.
"yeah but..." you trail off because you really don't have a comeback. All those things were very much true. "this is stupid."
"if you had just listened to me-"
"Jesus, we get it Gretchen" you huff sharply and then feel bad for it. "sorry but you have to stop saying that- I should be able to talk to a girl without it being the end of the world."
"maybe talk to less weird girls?" Karen proposes brightly. "like me.... or Gretchen.... oooh or Regina."
"Thanks for the suggestion." you tap her nose gently, making her face scrunch up. "but I meant other than you three."
"you can talk to whoever you want," Gretchen reassures you, dropping her head to your shoulder. "as long as Regina approves."
"you sound insane,"
Gretchen shrugs. Karen's attention has returned to her phone. and you were suddenly so aware of how insane being friends with Regina George truly is.
the bell for first period has you walking down the hallway towards your history class. you share it with Gretchen who you haven't spoken to since Sunday. you're still mad at her.
"Hey, can we talk?" your brow furrows a little. it was Regina. and you were still mad at her too for last week.
"I have to get to class," you huff but she doesn't take the hint; instead she takes your hand and drags you straight into the nearest closet. it smelt like chemicals, dust and... vanilla. you imagine the vanilla is the girl, not the room.
"what the hell?"
"Just give me a minute,"
"why are we in a closet?" you wonder. it was cramped. a painfully buzzy lightbulb hung over head, flickering through an array of intensities. shelves full of supplies.
"I'm sorry, okay?" your eyes were looking anyway but at her until now. staring into blue-green eyes. did she just... apologise for something? was this a dream? your dreams never normally included Regina apologising but that seemed like the only way this could be real. "I'm sorry I got mad over you and Cady. you've just been acting weird since she joined"
"Are you... fucking with me right now?""
"what? I can't apologise?"
"I never said that," you did imply it but you would never say it. "I'm just confused." a shrug of your shoulders.
"I just don't like it. I don't like her," she wasn't about that. you weren't confused about her feelings towards Cady. you were confused as to why she was apologising for it? also, why do you have to do this in the closet? couldn't you have done this in a place with such a dizzying aroma? "I get like angry when I see you together. and then when Gretchen told me you kissed her-"
"she kissed me."
"Whatever," a dismissive wave. "I mean, it just was a lot y'know."
"not really" Your brow furrows.
"you're not that fucking dense, are you?" as the blonde takes a step forward, you take a step back crashing into a bucket and mop. She grabs your wrist. maybe an attempt to save you? "careful." said much softer. caring almost. it makes you suspicious. more so than the apology you hardly believed in the first place.
"we're gonna be late for class," you answer quietly. you try to pull your arm away but her grip doesn't falter. it's firm and tight; possessive almost. "Regina, please,"
"you promised to stay away from her," Regina mentions softly. you think back to that day. Regina straddling your lap. hands on your chest. moving against you. soft lips. it makes you blush. she pulls you closer. "promised you didn't like her more than me." her other hand gently cups your cheek. "was all that a lie?"
"no," you shake your head slow and stern. "no. i-"
"you kissed her." stated firmly.
"she kissed me," you argue back. her fingers press a little harder into your cheek.
"don't remember asking," expressed as she leaned in close. hot breath hitting your skin. vanilla fills your nostrils. "tell me you love me," whispered. you swallow hard. "please."
"Regina..." grip on your wrist tightens.
"go on."
"I... love you," you sound more confused than sure.
"more than cady?"
"you're my best friend,"
a once gentle hand now grips your chin. "more than Cady?" asked again.
"uh... more than Cady,"
"say you're obsessed with me." her lips loom mere inches from yours threatening a kiss.
"I'm... obsessed with you." her eyes are so intense, it's kinda scary. it's always treacherous being so close to her.
"Good," her lips press into yours. fierce and strong. but gone just as quickly. "I'll see you at lunch." she lets go and leaves without another word. The door to the closet closes with a click. insane. you remain for a few minutes. a little lost. a little confused. then you leave for class.
sat at a table under the beautiful shade of a massive umbrella during your free period. Cady is opposite. Gretchen was supposed to be here too but you don't know what happened to her. probably worried about sitting with Cady. "why are you doing work?"
"It's a study period. you should also be doing work,"
"It's almost lunchtime don't be ridiculous," you groan loudly. the bell rings mere moments later bringing a smile as the animals are released from their classrooms out into the wild. "see."
"you didn't do anything,"
"never do. That's half the fun of a free period before lunch."
"hey baby," that was Regina's voice. you look up promptly, half expecting her to make a comment or demand your presence but instead, she takes a seat right beside you.
"Hello," you try not to think about earlier. about how weird this is and focus on the fact she seemed to be in a good mood. her arms snake around you, drawing you back into her embrace.
"Cady,"
"hi Regina,"
"you look good today," Regina comments. your brow furrows. she was being weirdly affectionate. should you be concerned? probably but you were gonna enjoy her openness. the last week had been so weird and you kinda of just wanted things to go back to normal. and while this wasn't exactly normal, you prefer this to outward anger.
"thank you,"
"Now say it back," you roll your eyes but wear a playful smile.
"you look radiant Regina," said playfully. She gives you a quick squeeze and you finally settle in her embrace.
"I know," hummed in your ear. "so do you wanna come to mine after school?" muttered in your ear.
"what's the occasion?"
"I want you to," Regina declared. "why does it matter? you're coming over."
"am I now?" you ask playfully.
"We should get food," Regina lets go and gets up. you watch her for a moment expecting her to bark a demand but she doesn't. she just walks away. it freaks you out so you bid farewell to Cady and go scampering after the blonde.
"you good?"
"course," she states as you fall in step.
"you're being strange," you observe. "I was half expecting you to drag me away from that table."
"what's the point?" she asks. "you'd just go running back to the little nerd."
"no running is involved."
"running. skipping. drooling." the blonde teased. when you enter the lunch room, Gretchen is already sitting alone at your usual table. "like a love-sick little puppy dog."
"Okay, ew, no,"
"where have you been?" Gretchen wonders as you approach. She knows where you've been. you text her.
"no love involved whatsoever,"
"Who are you in love with?" Gretchen asks.
"no one,"
"I got tater tots," Karen announces as she zooms past with a try, taking a seat at your lunch table.
"oooh, they have tots today? let's go get food," you grab Regina's hand and start pulling her towards the food. Gretchen comes scrambling after the two of you. "I'm starving."
"aren't you always," Regina comments. the sea parts as she leads the way to the front of the line. it's unfair. but you never call her out. you always take advantage.
"Who are you in love with?" Gretchen repeats
"nobody, we moved on,"
"god keep up Gretchen," Regina huffs. you're so excited about your tater tots you practically run back to the table with your little tray. your two friends in toe. you take your usual seat next to Karen. Regina sits opposite with Gretchen.
"Cady keeps looking over here," Karen announces, popping a tot in her mouth. "it's creeping me out."
"she's so weird," Regina sighs. "if she's anything like her freaky friends it's because she's obsessed with our dear sweet puppy,"
"she is not obsessed with me,"
"This is what happens when you give losers attention, " Regina persists. "they think they have a shot. soon she's gonna think she can just come over and talk to us and it's your fault."
"Firstly, she would never do that. She's intimidated by you," you express. "secondly. she is sweet, you gotta lay off her."
"as she should be," the blonde looks disgusted. "also gross. She's so fuckin weird."
"you guys are being mean,"
"Is it mean if it's true?"
"still yes," you insist. "I like cady."
"We know," Gretchen states. Regina shoots her a dirty look.
"you don't get to talk Gretchen," Regina spits. "you never shut up about Jason like he's not disgusting."
"Cady would be cute if she just learnt how to dress. and do her makeup," Karen interjects.
"I don't even think that would help."
"Can we stop talking about her please?"
"don't wanna hear us shit talk your girlfriend."
"not my girlfriend." you argue. "but I would like this to end. quickly. let's go back to Jason that dude fuckin sucks."
"he's so sleazy," Karen adds. and the conversation flows into something other than you and Cady. thank god.
you're lying on Regina's couch. in Regina's room. alone. after school. you expected Karen and Gretchen to be here too but alas they weren't here. after this morning, you wouldn't be surprised if this was some cult worship ceremony. the door creaks open and in walks the infamous blonde. a glance before going back to your phone.
"my mum wants to know if you're staying for dinner,"
"am I?" you don't even know why you're here. and knowing Regina she could kick you out at any moment.
"I said yeah but you don't have to," a shrug.
"guess you're not mad at me anymore then,"
"When was I mad at you?" she questions, sitting down on her bed.
"When are you ever not?" you tease. "sometimes I think you hate me."
"if I hated you, you wouldn't be here," the blonde comments.
"you've been so short with me recently." you sit up properly.
"Because you've been acting different." the girl insists. "and it's weird. and I don't like it. I want you to go back to how you were."
"I don't even know how I've been acting different?" you lean back. "I think you're just jealous."
"jealous of what?"
"Cady." you see her eyes narrow. jaw tense.
"you are obsessed with her."
"not obsessed," you correct. "I don't even know what is going on between me and Cady."
"but you like her?"
you shrug. "do you like her?"
"no," it makes you smile for some reason. same old Regina. number one cady hater. "not even a little. she's strange. can't dress for shit. really awkward."
"tell us how you really feel," you chuckle a little.
"you'll just call me mean," like she wasn't already being mean.
you shrug. "I like when you're mean."
"I know," a smile quirks at her lips. the blonde pats the space next to her. "come here,"
"why?"
"Just come here," a dramatic sigh. you push up and cautiously walk over to sit down next to her. "why are you acting so scared of me?"
"I don't know," you shrug. "kinda expecting you to push me off the bed or something."
"why would I do that?" her brows furrowed.
"Because you're evil," a smirk slowly takes over her lips. you nudge her softly with your shoulder.
"I love it when you call me evil,"
"I know," you reply. "because you're obsessed with me."
"you wish."
"I don't have to wish," you tease. "because you're obsessed with me."
"you're really pushing your luck here," Regina comments. "stop." her tone suggested she was done playing. the blonde falls back against her bed. you just look at her as she starts typing on her phone. "and stop staring at me freak."
"but you're so pretty,"
"your girlfriend wouldn't like you saying that."
"not my girlfriend," you insist. "no more than you are." the blonde doesn't respond and you both fall into a comfortable silence. you lie down beside her. "why did you invite me over?"
"make out. prove a point. why do you think i asked in front of cady?" you just shrug. the girl sighs loudly and discards her phone off to one side before rolling onto her side to look at you. you just turn your head to face her.
"for someone so smart, you really are stupid," you'd be offended but there was hardly a point. she just watches you, watching her. you crack under her gaze and look away but she just reaches over and forces you to look at her. "do you know why I keep you around?"
"Because you love me?" said playfully but quietly. you know it's not the answer she was looking for.
"I like the way you look at me," she admitted quietly. "everyone stares at me but you... you look at me like I'm the only person in the entire world." she went on. "like you just can't get enough." you don't know what to say. Regina was like nobody you had ever met but in a different way to Cady. She just commanded attention. a beauty beyond words. and sometimes you wonder why you ever caught her eye. the girl shuffles closer now. "you can run around with freaks. you can be confused about Cady. but at the end of the day, none of it matters." that hand on your jaw loosens and begins to trail down over your neck. "you'll always come running back to me."
"What makes you think that?"
"It's in the way your breath hitches when I'm close. the way your eyes linger when I walk away. the way you so easily melt under my touch," her voice was gentle but taunting. her hand slipping lower and lower down the length of your body. you could hear your heart beating loudly in your chest. an onset wave of heat flushing your cheeks. "I can say or do whatever I want," her hand stops at your thigh, squeezing roughly. body leaning into yours. pressing you further into the plush fabric of her bed. "and you'll always be mine." whispered sharply before her lips meet yours and the fire makes the rest of the world melt away. you reach up to draw her closer. deepen the kiss and the way she groans makes your head spin. but then she pulls away unexpectedly. "oh I forgot to mention Shane is coming over after dinner so you gotta be gone by then. Cool?" you can feel the emotions stirring. it's weird and confusing. Shane's name fills you with anger; annoyance even. through no fault of his own. was she fucking serious? but at the same time you couldn't move. maybe a wiser person would have stopped everything right here. walked away with their dignity in their hands. Cady was probably a safer option. she liked you. and maybe you liked her too. but there was just something about Regina. being on her good side meant the world worked for you too. it was a world you'd become so accustomed to, you can't imagine it any differently. you can't imagine a life without the blonde. you didn't want to leave. you wanted to chase the high of each kiss. the pain as her nails dig into your skin. the firey mess of being with her.
"cool." you nod simply, pulling her back into the kiss. dignity was overrated when it came to Regina George anyway.
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defectivevillain · 3 months
Text
turning pages (for people who don't care)
pairing: Felix Catton/Reader
summary: Felix Catton is well-liked by practically everyone he meets, from teachers to peers and strangers. He catches the gazes of anyone as he enters a space; he’s often the thrumming energy that determines exactly how a night will go. Felix’s name lives everywhere, from the pulsing rhythm of rowdy parties to the quiet whispers across the school courtyard. Anyone who’s anyone knows Felix Catton. As an unassuming student at Oxford with no particular desire for wealth, luxurious parties, or hesitant smiles from across a dimly-lit pub, you’re not sure how to feel about that. However, you soon find your quiet student life thrown into a whirlwind of activity when you have to tutor Felix.
The reader’s pronouns are unspecified, but they are written to wear masculine clothing. (I'm of the opinion that anyone can rock a dress shirt & slacks, but whatever). Otherwise, no physical descriptors are used; the reader's race and gender are ambiguous.
The title of this fic is from Drift Away, the Steven Universe song.
word count: ...7.3k. i don't want to talk about it. 💀
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ao3 version
You enjoy being a tutor at Oxford. It doesn’t pay incredibly well, but the work itself is rewarding enough for you to forgive the meager wages. You genuinely look forward to your sessions, to seeing the bright gleam in a student’s eyes as they begin to understand the material in a way they hadn’t before. You muse on the thought as you walk into the library, heading for your usual table and arranging your materials. Your next session is in a few minutes, so you spend your spare time reviewing your notes from your previous class. 
Someone pointedly clears their throat and you look up, only to find yourself staring at another student. He has messy brown hair, warm brown eyes, and an easy smile on his face. He looks self-assured, yet there’s a slight sense of apprehension veiled in the way he shoves his hands in his pockets. “Hello,” you decide to say. 
“..Hello.” He responds casually. 
There’s an awkward beat of silence. Feeling eyes on you, you glance to the side, only to find a few people staring at you from a few tables away. They must be his friends. You shake your head and pretend not to have noticed, instead turning your attention to your laptop. “You must be… Felix?” You ask. 
“Yes,” Felix responds, amusement glimmering in his eyes as if he expects you to know exactly who he is. 
“Great, have a seat,” you say, not bothering to pay him a second glance. You pull up the email you received from the tutoring center, which shows the coursework he’s bringing in. “You have… a philosophy essay?” Felix nods, taking a seat and going through his backpack. “Awesome. Can you tell me a little about the assignment?”
Within a few minutes, it’s clear that Felix is an extroverted person. Moreover, he seems to be rather popular—several people passing by clap him on the shoulder as they walk past him. Thankfully, the gestures aren’t super distracting. Still, you find yourself a little surprised at the sheer amount of friends this guy appears to have. 
But that’s not important, you scold yourself. You revert your attention to his philosophy essay, which is off to a great start. Admittedly, he has a solid foundation—he just seems to need guidance working with transitioning between ideas. His citations could use some work, too, but you’re quick to refer him to the proper resources. Overall, though, his essay is well-crafted. You tell him as much, and his eyes momentarily widen before he averts his gaze, suddenly appearing flustered. 
You still can’t shake the feeling that you’re being watched, though. It’s not Felix’s friends this time, either. You don’t realize how preoccupied you are with the feeling until Felix draws attention to it. 
“Do you know him?” He asks, just as you’re in the middle of reading a sentence. You pause and look up, following Felix’s gaze to somewhere in the distance. Sure enough, Michael is lurking in the corner of two bookshelves, his eyes nearly burning into you. 
“Yeah, that’s Michael,” At Felix’s inquiring look, you continue. “I’ve seen him around. Talked to him once or twice.” You admit. We’re not really friends gets caught in your throat. Admittedly, Michael creeps you out a little, but you’d never say that out loud. 
Felix raises an eyebrow, twirls his pencil around his finger. He seems to be in his element now, as he sprawls in his chair with all the ease and confidence of someone who has never needed to make an effort for appearances. “He seems to think you’re friends,” Felix remarks lightly. 
“He seems to think a lot of things,” you respond before you can stop yourself. Felix chuckles. “Back to your paper.” You say, returning your attention to your peer’s work. 
The reminder of the tutoring session is rather uneventful. Felix is skilled at writing, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s struggling simply because he isn’t doing the work. You suppose you have no way of knowing for sure. He’s made small comments here and there about his writing and why he’s here today—apparently his parents issued him an ultimatum and pretty much forced him to show up for tutoring. The session goes rather well, though—even despite the fact that he seemed rather uninterested at the beginning. 
“Alright,” you sigh once your time is up, placing a hand over the top of your laptop and shutting it ever so slightly. “Any last questions before we wrap up?” You ask him. Felix blinks for a moment. 
“I don’t think so,” he responds with a shake of his head. He begins to pack up his things, before looking at you once more. There’s a newfound conviction in his frame now. Felix slings his bag over his shoulder, pausing for a moment. “You were super helpful.” He admits, looking away as if the admission is difficult to make. 
“Good!” You say relievedly. You’re always thrilled to hear that your peers feel as if they’ve gotten something from the tutoring. Your own beliefs can only go so far, after all. Just because you perceive a session to be helpful doesn’t mean it’s helpful to the other student. You shake your head to clear your thoughts. “Glad to hear it. Enjoy your day, and best of luck with your classes.” 
Felix returns the sentiment, sending you one last unreadable look before walking over to the group that you had assumed to be his friends. They greet him with enthusiasm, evidently asking him questions about the time he spent working with you. Whatever he responds with must be intriguing, because the group’s gazes pivot back to you once more. You quickly focus on packing your bag, resolutely ignoring the attentive eyes burning into your back as you leave the library. 
Felix slips from your mind rather easily after that day, especially when your course load increases and your work schedule grows a bit more intense. You soon find yourself in a rather stringent routine, in which you go to classes, tutor, go to more classes, eat meals in between, and go to sleep. It’s not ideal, but you enjoy tutoring and your schoolwork enough to push through it. 
You’re walking to one of your classes when you hear someone call your name. At first, you’re convinced you imagined the remark. It isn’t until there’s suddenly an arm slung around your shoulder that you realize you likely heard correctly. The unexpected physical contact prompts you to look to the side, only to find Felix staring at you with a sheepish smile. 
“Hey, there you are,” he remarks. “I’ve been looking for you.” You reflexively stiffen at the thought, but the gesture goes unnoticed. Felix’s grip is relentless, and you soon find yourself being pushed towards the courtyard off the stone path and near a small group of people. These must be Felix’s friends from before. 
“Mates, this is the tutor who saved my ass last week,” Felix tells his friends, his arm still around your shoulder. You resist the compelling urge to shove him away. “Say hello.” He says to his friends, before turning to you again. “I owe you a drink sometime.”
“I’m not much of a drinker,” you say with a shake of your head. You don’t have much time for that with your current schedule. A hangover would be nothing but an inconvenience considering how early you’ve had to wake up the past few days. “But thanks anyway.”
“Ciggie?” He offers, his arm finally falling from your shoulders to pull a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. You’re suddenly hit with a strange shiver, a phantom sensation of the weight that rested there only a moment prior. You don’t realize that you haven’t answered the question until a few moments later.
“No thanks,” you remember to respond, ignoring his friends’ gazes burning into your skin again. Do they have nothing better to do than tear you apart with their eyes?  “Good to see you.” You’re quick to try to end the conversation, but Felix is quicker. 
“Hey, are you free tonight?” He asks. Somehow, he seems immune to his friends’ stares, as they’re all whispering conspiratorially amongst themselves. You resolutely ignore them and instead contemplate his question. 
“Um.. no,” you say, after taking a moment to recall your schedule. You need to complete some coursework. “Why? Do you have an assignment?” You frown, trying to think back to the classes he said he’s taking. 
“No,” Felix responds with a shake of his head. He gestures to the group. “We were going out to the pub.”
“I have an essay to write,” you remark, trying to sound disappointed. Maybe a small part of you is genuinely saddened at the conflict of plans, but you’re mostly just relieved to have an excuse not to go. You glance over at the clock in the courtyard, heart beginning to race when you notice your next class starts in two minutes. “I have to go to class. See you.” You turn on your heel and walk away, just barely hearing Felix’s goodbye over the nearby conversations. 
“Your tutor’s kind of dodgy, eh, mate?” Farleigh says. 
“No, not at all,” Felix responds with a shake of his head. The expression on his face is thoughtful, and his eyes are fixed on your turned back.
“If you say so,” Farleigh shrugs, taking another drag. 
You hadn’t realized Felix was so popular. Now that you’ve met him, you hear whispers of him all around the school. Everyone seems to have an opinion on him one way or another. You’ve only conversed with him the few times you’ve seen him in tutoring sessions and around campus, but he seems nice enough.
Classes fly by, to your satisfaction. Your last class of the day ends a bit after the regular dinner hour, but you manage to sneak into the dining hall and snag some food before the space closes. After that, you’re content to return to your room. It’s been a long day and you could use some time to yourself to just relax and breathe. 
Unfortunately, your suffering doesn’t end when you reach your residence hall. Instead, the moment you enter, you nearly crash into a woman waiting in front of a door. You manage to sidestep her and head up the stairs leading to the next floor.
“Hey, have you seen Felix?” Her voice echoes in the stairway. You freeze and turn to look down at the woman standing on the landing. She has bright red hair and glittering makeup coating her eyes. You feel your brows climb up your forehead as you realize that the door she’s standing in front of must lead to Felix’s room. You didn’t realize he lived in this building too. 
“They’re all at the pub,” you answer after a few moments, recalling your conversation earlier. “At least, that’s what he said when I spoke to him earlier.” 
She doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer, as she takes a deep breath. “Do you have alcohol?” She then asks. 
“No,” you answer honestly. Felix’s friend stares at you for a moment, before huffing and walking away. You can’t find the energy to dissect that conversation, so you instead focus on unlocking the door to your room. You spend the rest of the night purposefully suppressing any thoughts of Felix and his friends. 
When you wake the next morning, you feel somewhat rejuvenated and well-rested. Your essay is more than halfway done and you still have a few days before the due date. The sun is out and shining, casting a hazy glow over the courtyard that your room looks out on. You take a deep breath, before changing and brushing your teeth. You head to the dining hall for a small breakfast, before moving to the library for your first tutoring session of the day. 
You’re not sure how much time you spend waiting for your peer to show, but you reckon it can’t be that long. It only feels like ten minutes pass before there’s a shadow passing over your vision, indicating that someone is standing over your table. You look up, unable to contain your surprise when you find Felix with a bag slung over his shoulder and a smile on his face. 
“Hi,” you remark. 
“Hey,” he responds, placing his bag on the ground and sitting down. You take the gifted opportunity to review the information given to you for the tutoring session. It appears Felix has another philosophy essay he wants you to look at. That shouldn’t be too bad. You give him a moment to get his things out, before diving right into his writing. 
You’re happy to realize that he has used some of your tips from your first session. You already notice that the flow of his writing has improved, and his use of transition words at the beginning of each paragraph has aided in that regard. He has a few grammar errors—nothing major—and a few small citation mistakes. “Instead of listing all the authors, you can just say ‘Marks et al.’ here,” you point out, gesturing to the sentence that you’re looking at on the screen. Felix nods silently and adjusts the text. 
“I heard you spoke with Annabel the other day,” he remarks, apropos of nothing. You’re abruptly thrown off track as your attention turns from the paper to Felix himself. He repeats his statement. 
“Really?” You ask. Felix nods. “Sure, we spoke for a bit.” You return to reading his essay, confused by the sudden change in subject.
“What did you talk about?” He presses. 
“She asked if I had seen you,” you answer, trying and failing to multitask. You eventually give up on reading for the time being and address his question. “I said no.”
“And?” Felix prompts. 
“And that was it,” you finish. Felix still doesn’t seem convinced for some reason. You rack your brain and try to remember your interaction with the woman. It only happened a few days ago, but you’ve been so busy that it feels like a lifetime ago.  “Oh, she asked me if I had alcohol. I said no. Then that was it.” You must imagine the momentary look of relief on his face. 
“She called you prickly,” Felix continues, a mischievous smile on his face. You’re not sure what there is to smile about. 
“I’m sure,” you respond disinterestedly. You’d like to go back to reading his paper, but he keeps diverting your attention and changing the subject. Before you can even attempt to try reading again, there’s suddenly a hand on the edge of your laptop, pushing your screen down ever so slightly. You look up to find Felix watching you rather closely. 
“Who are you, exactly?” Felix asks. The library around you seems to fall silent with the remark. Your skin prickles. Why is there such an intent look on his face? Surely learning more about you doesn’t matter that much to him. Felix evidently notices you’re speechless and continues. “I don’t know anything about you. I’ve seen you around campus a few times, but that’s it.”
“I’m your tutor,” you respond, after taking a moment to collect your thoughts. Your heart is hammering away in your chest. “You don’t need to know anything about me.”
“What if I want to?”
“You wouldn’t want to,” you reply instinctively, warily. Alarm bells are ringing in your head. You can’t quite imagine a scenario in which Felix Catton, wealthy heir and avid partygoer, would ever benefit from knowing anything about you. Does he even notice how much attention he’s drawing, just sitting here with you right now? Even his friends are confused by his supposed interest in you. “I’m nothing special.” You try to look at his essay once more. 
“That’s not true,” Felix says insistently, getting to his feet and placing his hand on your laptop once more. He’s ripping your eyes away from the screen and towards him. There’s an indignant expression on his face, as if he’s insulted by your claim. You blink up at him in confusion. If everyone in the library wasn’t staring already, then they certainly are now. Felix seems to regain his composure, as he shakes his head and moves to sit down once more. 
There’s a palpable tension lingering in the air throughout the rest of your session. Felix seems anchored to his chair, as if he doesn’t want to leave. Eventually, you’re the one to leave first, as you have class in a few minutes. You can feel his eyes on your back as you walk away, imploring you to explain yourself further. 
You’re not sure what there is to explain. Despite your prior promises not to pay attention to the rumors and whispers of your peers, you can’t help but acknowledge them. You have to wonder if some of it is true—if Felix doesn’t really do friends , if he is only interested in people for whatever they can offer him. Truthfully, Felix isn’t a person you would’ve interacted with. If not for tutoring, you’re sure you would’ve spent your entire time at Oxford knowing absolutely nothing about him and being unable to explain the strange stirring feeling of dislike in your chest. It’s too late now, though. It seems you can’t go back to the way things once were—not when Felix knows who you are now. You just have to hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll realize that there’s nothing particularly compelling about you. 
For a while, you don’t see Felix Catton and you are fooled into thinking he may have actually lost interest. You feel relieved at the thought. A small, traitorous part of you may long for the company he provides—the soft smiles he sends you, the glitter in his eyes as he speaks to you and only you. It was only for the best that you drifted apart, you think to yourself as you take an armchair in the library. The end of the semester is approaching, and you’ve taken every free moment to study and review course materials. Many other students seem to have the same idea as you, as the library has been a bit busier these past few weeks. 
You barely get to start rereading your notes before a familiar voice is speaking to you. “My parents were impressed.” You look up to find Felix standing over you. It takes you several seconds to process his statement. 
“With what?” You ask. Admittedly, you’re confused as to why he felt the need to approach you right now of all times. You’re sitting alone at a table in the library, and a few students are throwing you dirty looks as Felix continues to speak to you. You want nothing more than to sink into the ground and disappear forever. 
“My philosophy grade, of course,” Felix remarks, taking the chair adjacent to you. You feel like everyone in the library is staring at you. When you look up, you find that a few students actually are—Felix’s friends at another table are among them. Felix seems immune to the attention he provokes. “They really want to meet you.” That surprises you. Why would his parents want to meet you? Because of your tutoring? All these questions must show on your face, because Felix elaborates. “They wanted to thank you.”
That’s surprising. “Are they visiting Oxford soon?” You ask curiously. 
“No,” Felix answers. Your brows furrow and he shakes his head. “I meant this summer. You should join us at Saltburn.” He looks at you expectantly. You don’t have the faintest clue what Saltburn is, but you guess it must be a name for their residence. Judging from what you’ve heard of the Cattons, Saltburn is likely a very large, very extravagant mansion. 
You blink at Felix once, twice. The expression on his face holds nothing but complete sincerity. You feel a laugh crawl out of your throat. It’s only until you see his face fall that you realize he’s not joking. “Oh, you’re serious,” you comprehend aloud. “Yeah, I could stop by.” 
“I’d like you there,” he confesses. You feel your eyes widen as you stare at him in disbelief. “Is that so hard to believe?” Felix asks, looking at you skeptically. 
Yes. Yes, it is. “...No.”
“You don’t sound convinced,” Felix says lightly. It almost looks as if he’s forcing a smile. 
“You’re right,” you acquiesce, “I’m not convinced.” 
Felix huffs in amusement, before pushing himself out of the chair and sending you a wave over his shoulder. You watch him leave, unable to shake the feeling that, somehow, you’re going to be roped into visiting his parents at their residence this summer. 
Two months later, as you find yourself staring up at the splendor of Saltburn, you think you shouldn’t be as surprised as you are. Then again, a summons from James and Elspeth Catton isn’t exactly something you can ignore. You tug your suitcase across the rocky driveway, before arriving at the gargantuan wooden doors at the entrance. For a moment, there’s nothing but silence as you stand there. A few moments later, the doors swing open and you’re greeted by a man in a tuxedo—evidently a butler of some sort. He takes you into a beautifully ornate room with sunlight streaming in past ornate golden curtains. Thankfully, you’re not left to your own devices for long, as you hear footsteps echoing through the space. 
Felix walks through the doorway, his expression brightening when he sees you. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says. The sincerity of his statement catches you off guard. Felix takes a step closer to break the distance between you and slings an arm around your shoulders, leading you past the butler and towards the edge of the room. You’re hit with whiplash—both because of the surprisingly heartfelt remark and the rapidity of Felix’s actions. Felix proceeds to take you on an informal tour of the residence, before leading you through his bedroom and the adjacent bathroom to your room. 
“Hope you don’t mind sharing a bathroom,” he remarks offhandedly, leading you into the space that will be your bedroom. You assure him that you don’t mind and he grins, gesturing at your new room with a flourish. “Here’s your room. I’ll leave you to it.” He freezes in the doorway, pressing a hand to the doorframe and turning around for a brief moment. “We’ll be in the sitting room,” Felix adds, before turning back around and walking away. 
You stare at the empty doorway for an immeasurable amount of time, before letting your gaze wander across the room. The room is quite gorgeous, with an elegant four poster bed and detailed paintings adorning the walls. The door leads to the bathroom, which then connects to Felix’s bedroom. You’re grateful that he placed you near him—you’re not sure you’d be comfortable inhabiting a room on the other side of the house, with no one around to guide you. You place your luggage off to the side—after telling the butler that you could carry it on your own—and take a deep breath. Truthfully, you’re not really sure why you’re here. You’re only going to humiliate yourself here. You don’t belong here. Why did you even entertain the thought? 
You try to come up with an answer as you pace around the room, before finally deciding that there isn’t a clear-cut answer. You glance over at the clock in the corner, eyes widening when you realize that you spent at least twenty minutes just standing in the room and thinking. You take a few cautious steps into the bathroom, walk through Felix’s bedroom, and go down the hall Felix pointed out earlier. You quickly realize that you’re going in the wrong direction and backpedal, only to find a door left nearly closed, with a small crack letting the sound of conversation slip into the hall. This must be the sitting room. 
You take a deep breath, steel your nerves, and knock on the door. Someone remarks that you can enter and you do so, pushing the door open more and stepping into the sitting room. The television is playing, but everyone’s eyes seem to be on you. Felix is sitting in the corner and his friend—Farleigh?—is sitting near the back of the room. You don’t get much time to take in your surroundings, as you’re quickly accosted by who you can only assume to be Felix’s father. 
“Ah, you must be the tutor,” he remarks, getting up from his seat. “So wonderful to meet you. I’m James, and this is my wife, Elspeth.” You shake his proffered hand, before lingering awkwardly in the center of the room. Thankfully, Elspeth gets up to greet you, saving you from further embarrassment. 
“I suppose you’re the one we owe for our son’s wonderful grades this term!” Elspeth remarks, bringing you in for a hug. Felix huffs and mutters something about not needing the help. You feel somewhat inclined to defend him, for reasons you can’t quite explain. 
“Don’t give me too much credit,” you smile. “Felix is a great writer.” 
Felix mutters something again, too quiet for you to hear. His mother turns to him and asks him to repeat himself. He averts his eyes and you swear you see him flush for a split second. “Not as great as you.” 
“Well, aren’t you the flatterer,” Elspeth says, waving a casual hand at her son. Her gaze then turns back to you. “And you. So humble! I can see why Felix talks about you so much.” Felix freezes like a deer in headlights, before quickly leaving the room, murmuring about talkative mothers. You stare after him helplessly. There goes the only person that finds you even mildly tolerable. 
“We are very thankful for your help, truly,” James says, crossing his leg over his knee. “Felix has always been a good student, but this term, he… he’s been different. We’re glad that he’s gotten his affairs back in order. With your assistance, of course! You must show me your writing sometime.”
“Thank you,” you respond sincerely. “I’d love to. And thank you so much for inviting me into your home.”
“So polite!” Elspeth remarks, shooting a dirty look at the other woman in the room. You quickly pretend you didn’t notice that. “Of course, darling.”  
You’re left to sit awkwardly in the sitting room for a few moments. Felix’s parents ask you a few questions, but eventually their attention falls back to the program they’re watching. A shadow at the door draws your eye and you see Felix motioning for you to follow after him. You glance at his parents, who both motion for you to join their son. You get to your feet and walk out of the room, ignoring the sensation of a pressured gaze boring holes into your back. 
“Sorry about that,” Felix apologizes, once the two of you are turning the corner and walking down the hall. 
“About what?” You ask, glancing at him. “Your parents seem nice.” 
Felix just sighs and shakes his head. You don’t think you can even begin to truly comprehend the emotions behind that simple gesture, so you decide to simply succumb to the silence that spreads across the air. 
You spend the rest of the afternoon reading one of the books in the library. You don’t realize that it’s time for dinner until Felix is entering the space and practically dragging you along behind him to the dining room. 
“I hear your birthday is coming up,” Felix’s father, James, remarks at some point throughout the meal. You look up from where you’d been absently poking at your food. There’s an expectant look on his face. You have to wonder how he knows when your birthday is. You don’t remember telling anyone about it—except for Felix, perhaps.  “Yes, it is,” you agree.
“Have any grand plans?” Elspeth suggests. Her eyes quickly light up. You’re suddenly filled with trepidation. “Oh, we should have a birthday party! We could invite all your friends!” You freeze on instinct. You’re not the biggest fan of parties, and you know you definitely don’t have enough friends at Oxford to fill a place as big as Saltburn for a party. Felix’s mother glances at you expectantly, immune to your internal crisis. 
You’re saved from responding by Felix’s remark. “You’re not really a party person, are you?” He asks. His parents’ gazes focus on you and you nearly sag in relief, feeling the tension seep from your shoulders. 
“Oh, nonsense,” Elspeth remarks. Shit, you think. “Everyone loves parties! We’ll have to make it themed…” You resist a groan. It’s too late. Felix’s mother and father are already chattering about the details of the party, the number of people they’ll invite… You don’t want to appear ungrateful, so you stifle your objections and spend the rest of the meal staring at the wall ahead. 
When dinner is finished, Felix is the first one to depart. He stares at you pointedly and gestures wordlessly to the exit. You get the idea and practically jump from your seat, grateful for an excuse to leave. You walk behind Felix, pretending not to notice how broad his shoulders are. “Sorry about that,” Felix grimaces, his back turned as he continues walking, “My mother has a bit of a one track mind, sometimes.” 
“It’s fine,” you remark. You can survive one party. Besides, it may actually be enjoyable. You tell him as much and he seems to brighten up at that. That night, you recline on your mattress with thoughts flooding your mind, leaving you awake for longer than you’d like. Eventually, the curtain falls and your vision fades to black. 
When you open your eyes, you find yourself standing on the balcony of the mansion, overlooking the yard. There are clothes and discarded drinks littering the previously spotless grass. What disturbs you most of all, however, is the franticness with which everyone seems to be conducting themselves. You stare out at the wreckage that must’ve come from the party and take a deep breath. 
“What happened?” You ask Farleigh after walking down the steps. The expression on his face is grave and panicked at the same time. He’s wading through the pond and soaking his clothes, but he hardly seems to notice. 
“We can’t find Felix,” he responds, his eyes flitting about the area. There’s a horrible tugging feeling in your stomach as you realize that Farleigh’s looking for Felix in the water. Did something happen to him? You swallow hard and walk around the grounds, trying to comprehend how Felix could have gone missing in such a short time. 
Out of nowhere, Venetia screams. Feeling a shiver roll down your spine, you race over in the direction of the voice, only to find yourself running through the overgrown walls of the maze. You see Venetia’s blond hair and you quickly run over to her, only to freeze when you see what she screamed about. Felix is lying motionless in the center of the maze. You feel an itching feeling in the back of your throat, a burning sensation behind your eyes. Farleigh arrives and gasps; Venetia starts crying. You don’t know what to do, as you stand helplessly before your peer, your friend. James arrives and takes a shuddering breath, eyes glassy as he stares at the corpse of his son. For a long moment, nothing can be heard except for Farleigh and Venetia’s sobs and your ragged breathing. 
“We need to move him,” James announces. You stare at him in disbelief. How is he even functioning right now? He sounds eerily calm despite the gravity of the situation. 
Apparently, you don’t react fast enough, because James’s hands are soon on your shoulders and he’s shoving you towards the body. You just barely catch yourself from falling over. The patriarch grabs Felix’s shoulders and prompts for you to grab his ankles. You’re shaking. You can’t move. Tears sliding down your face, you reach down to touch the corpse—only to recoil at how cold the skin is. Suddenly, there’s a harsh sound and Felix’s body is sinking beneath the earth, engulfed by soil and pebbles—
You gasp and open your eyes, only to find yourself in your room once more. You try to breathe, but the effort burns. Sweat coats your skin and your limbs are shaky. With trembling hands, you reach out to the nightstand and take a few sips of water, before wiping the sweat from your brows. The sheets on the bed are a mess—you must’ve been tossing and turning. Your breaths are still laborious, and your chest is beginning to ache. You mechanically get out of bed and make your way to the bathroom, standing in front of the sink. Your reflection in the mirror is grim—dark circles under your eyes and a firm pull to your lips. You reach down and turn on the water, letting the freezing temperature ground you in reality. Eventually, you reach down and douse your face with cold water. 
Once you’re finished, you grab a towel and dry off your face. “Hey, are you okay?” You nearly jump out of your body at the sudden voice. You wipe any remaining water droplets away, recognizing the voice as Felix’s. “I heard a scream.” 
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up,” you mumble, rubbing a hand over your face. The water helped, but you still feel jittery and unsettled. You grasp at the edges of the sink and resolutely look down at the counter. 
“Are you okay?” Felix asks again. You finally turn around, only for your mouth to go dry as your gaze settles on your friend. Felix is standing in the doorway, healthy and happy and alive. It’s such a harsh contrast from the Felix you had seen in your dreams—a pale, frozen shell of himself. Before you can recognize what you’re doing, you’re surging forward to wrap your arms around Felix. To his credit, he doesn’t flinch or push you away—instead, he pulls you close with a hand on the nape of your neck. You feel self conscious for getting so worked up about a dream, but it just felt so real. You could feel the weight of his dead body in your hands. 
“Did you have a nightmare or something?” Felix whispers after a few moments. You nod quietly, not trusting yourself to speak. “I’m sorry.” He’s the one apologizing, after you made too much noise and woke him in the middle of the night with your terror. You just shake your head wordlessly.
You’re not sure how much time you spend standing there, Felix’s arms enveloping you. Eventually, the edges of the nightmare begin to fade away and your friend’s presence is undeniable. Felix is safe, you tell yourself. He is fine. 
Breaking away from him feels far more difficult than it should be. You immediately miss his warmth, miss the feeling of being shielded from harm. Felix’s arms fall to his sides, before he braces them on the bathroom counter. Taken in by the inexplicable urge to touch him, you place a hand over his and pretend not to hear his startled inhale of breath. 
“Thank you,” you murmur. 
“Of course,” Felix responds, a note of something imperceptible in his voice. You smile and briefly squeeze his hand, before letting your grip fall away. You wish him good night and head back to your room, pushing aside any lingering convictions that he’s watching your every step. It is much easier to fall asleep once you remember that Felix is but a few steps away, alive and well. 
When you wake up hours later, you’re relieved to realize that you feel far better than you did earlier. You didn’t seem to have another nightmare, thankfully. You prepare for the day and change into some casual clothes, before remembering that the party is today. You try to sneak through Felix’s room, only to find that he’s already awake. After he’s ready, the two of you head down to breakfast together. The meal is incredible, as usual.
After breakfast, you return to your room to find clothes on the bed. They’re clearly not yours—the fabric is incredibly luxurious and looks quite expensive. You glance around the room, but there’s no sign of the person who left this attire for you. Upon closer examination, you realize that it’s your exact sizing. You wonder if Felix’s parents got your sizes from the butler and ordered you something. That would certainly be very nice of them. 
Secretly, you’re thankful someone had the forethought to provide you clothes. You probably would’ve stuck out like a sore thumb if you had worn any of the clothing you brought from home. After all, you don’t really belong here. You’re just a temporary guest. 
With those thoughts in mind, you decide to unfold the clothes—revealing an elegant dress shirt and fine-pressed pants. The shirt is a fabric you’re unfamiliar with, and it shimmers as it catches the light. The color is quite beautiful—a cross between deep green and dark blue. Whoever purchased this outfit has good taste (or a lot of money to burn, or both). You’re almost too scared to put the outfit on, for fear of ruining the expensive fabric. Eventually, you manage to convince yourself to change clothes. As you turn to look at yourself in the mirror, you realize you barely look like yourself. That may be an exaggeration, but you still feel as if you look like an entirely different person—one who fits in here. You’re not sure how to feel about that. You had maintained that you wouldn’t change yourself to fit in at Saltburn, yet here you are—dressed as if these parties are a common occurrence for you. You take a deep breath and leave your room, deciding to walk around to get rid of some of your nerves. You eventually get roped into helping Venetia choose an outfit to wear, which kills some time. 
Before long, the sun is setting in the sky and the party is beginning. You have no idea where to go or what to do—you hardly know anyone here. You haven’t caught so much of a glimpse of Felix, Farleigh, or Venetia since the party started. You do manage to find Felix’s parents, and thank them profusely for the party. It’s probably not that big of a deal to them, but you still feel that expressing your gratitude is somewhat necessary. 
After that, you eventually manage to find yourself standing in one of the corners of the sprawling maze outside. You feel somewhat fatigued from the minimal social interaction you’ve had thus far, and you figure your absence won’t be a huge deal breaker for any of the other partygoers. They’re not here for you—they’re here for a party. The party just happens to coincide with your birthday. You’re not naive enough to think otherwise. 
“Enjoying the party?” A familiar voice cuts through the night air. You turn around, only to find Felix standing at the edge of the maze. He takes a few steps to break the distance between you. You cross your arms over your chest and try to hide how self-conscious you feel.
“Yeah, thanks,” you remark after a moment. “You?”
Felix just nods silently. He’s staring at you intently, his gaze flitting up and down your form. “You look nice.” He says after a moment of silence. His gaze is intense and you feel flames prickling up your skin. 
“Thanks,” you respond. You decide to mimic his scrutinizing gaze. “You too.” Not like that’s anything new, you think to yourself. Felix always looks nice. You’re given a reprieve from questioning that thought by Felix’s next remark. 
“Happy birthday,” he says.
“Thank you.” You manage to say moments later, once your tongue no longer feels ironed to the roof of your mouth. 
“I’m happy you’re here,” Felix murmurs, almost too quietly for you to hear. The night air seems to still around you.
“Me too,” you eventually admit. “It’s been… fun.” You’ve enjoyed this summer, enjoyed the time you’ve gotten to spend with Felix. You never would’ve expected yourself to enjoy spending time in a place like Saltburn, yet here you are. 
“I don’t want you to leave,” Felix admits. He’s looking up to the midnight sky as if it holds all the answers. The black wings on his back seem to gleam in the moonlight. He looks like a fallen angel. 
“Why?” You ask. 
Felix is staring at you as if the answer to that question is extremely obvious. He then rubs a hand over his face, before turning to face the statue in the courtyard. The wings extending from his turned back create a harsh silhouette on the grass. “Why do you think I brought you here?” He suggests. 
“Your parents wanted me here,” you recount. 
“No,” Felix sighs, “Yes, but… no. That’s not the main reason.” You wait for him to continue. Somehow, this admission seems to be torturing him. He keeps pacing around restlessly, as if unable to keep still. Eventually, he shakes his head and comes to a stop, meeting your eyes. 
“I wanted to get to know you better,” Felix admits. “I hoped that, once I got to know you, everything else would go away.” Everything else?  He continues, immune to your confusion and wariness. “It didn’t. You came here, and now, the more I get to know you, the more I want to be around you.”
“Why?” You feel yourself blurting out. The words are spilling from your lips uncontrollably. “I’m just a normal student, an average person.”
“You’re far from it,” Felix argues. “And you should know that by now. You have to know by now.” 
“Know…  what?” You dare to say. 
Felix puts a hand over his face, evidently trying to gather his thoughts. You keep silent, despite your heart drumming quickly in your chest.  “I have feelings for you,” he says. “Nearly this entire time, I’ve had feelings for you. All throughout this summer.” 
Felix has feelings for you? Surely that can’t be the case. Hell, he could have anyone he wanted. He’s almost constantly showered in attention and praise. Why would he want to be with you of all people? You have virtually nothing to offer him that could be useful: you’re not wealthy, nor are you a regular partygoer with a penchant for trouble. You’re just… you. 
“You’re the only person that has ever bothered to try to get to know me for me,” Felix explains, as if sensing your self-deprecating thoughts. “Not as the eldest son of the Cattons. Just as Felix.” 
“You don’t buy into any of this bullshit,” he continues, his eyes wandering across the walls of the maze. You immediately know he’s referring to the splendor of Saltburn, the unspoken expectations that nearly suffocate the air around you. Felix inhales slowly. “Not to mention, you’re wicked smart. Compassionate. Attractive.”
He’s taking a step towards you. Then another. You don’t stop him, and he pauses in front of you. You don’t think you’ve seen his eyes sparkle like this before. 
“Can I kiss you?” Felix asks, his hand slowly rising to break the air between you and fall to cradle your jaw. 
You nod wordlessly. For an awkward moment, neither of you move. Felix looks uncharacteristically hesitant. You huff a laugh and break the distance between you, putting your lips to his. 
In a few moments, Farleigh and Venetia will come across the both of you and you will each be teased relentlessly for the rest of the night. Felix’s parents will exchange knowing looks when Felix and you walk into breakfast the next morning hand in hand. And Duncan, the butler, will have a wry curve to his lips—an almost indistinguishable smile—to show his hard-won approval. For now, though, you are left to embrace Felix under the shimmering moonlight, surrounded by a labyrinth of hedges and gilded mansion walls that no longer look nearly as intimidating as they once did.
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whewww! i really got carried away there, didn't i? i just adore the idea of Felix being bewildered by someone not falling head over heels for him. like, the irony of him catching feelings for the *one* person who doesn't actually seem to like him... it's just too good.
i *could* write a farleigh/reader fic... so lmk if that's something y'all would want to see. no promises, though. (if i were able to write it, it would probably be much shorter than this fic, bc this one absolutely ran away from me).
anyway, hope you enjoyed this! thanks for reading! <3
taglist: @its-ares @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall
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bluewinnerangel · 1 year
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Absolutely stuck on the overwhelming amount of louis today so I'm just gonna turn that energy into recapping everything that made my heart melt today (warning I love all things):
his close to 1.5 hrs late grandpa entrance pls, and that security said it was because he was having lunch
the place was playing his Tour Bus Playlist yey
the many pictures and videos of him looking up at fans, full of love and smiles and warmth and mhm fuck this
when a fan asked him to write "bisexual rights" rainbows and crying emojis go here
him getting real confused when asked to write "nothing's changed" because he was thinking of the line "some things change" instead like mans wrote an album full of lines "contradicting himself" (his words) including a massive pile of "change" everywhere dont play
his face when the fan with the trans flag was talking to him
when a fan said "you're really beautiful" and he responded with "hahaha nice one"
when a fan asked if he knew her twitter because she does piano covers of his songs and he was like YEAH THE PIANO YEAH YEAH YEAH I SEE YOU ALL THE TIME *sparkly eyes*
when a fan asked him to write "hey babe" and he laughed like "hahaha yeah" like just the tone you gotta hear it he knows everything were fine
saying he likes "i choked when your smoke got in me eye" just hearing him say and put emphasis on that line.
so. much. football. talk. here's one
on that note him making this lil shit face when he told a fan their team was gonna lose
when a fan was wearing the green nike jumper he wore recently and he said "ive got that jumper - i know you know that already"
the little wave to the people in the screen
him saying hes not gonna draw a heart "only because im fucking shit at drawing hearts" and then drawing a heart and ye she quirky but i hope he knows that makes it even better
or when a fan asked to draw a little star and his response was to ask them whether they wanted it "5 sides or 6" and "I've not drawn a star in years" again excusing his drawing and then draws a star just fine
writing "we'll be alright"
his lil hiya's and nice one's and cheers'
^Seriously the way he greeted everyone was so early 1d days signings esque im not coping with the passage of time rn
the gum chewing
that a fan told him OTB wasn't a lonely song anymore
"YOU LOOK ROUGH LADS GHAGHAGHAGHA GHA GHAHGHGHA"
When a fan told him "if france wins the game you have to sing angels fly next week" he immediately went "but what about if england win" and told the fan if england win they have to show up in an england shirt at their next gig in france and then his crew apparently very much in on his betting behavior dead serious going REMEMBER HER FACE! REMEMBER HER FACE! ILL REMEMBER HER FACE and then they also thanked the fan lol
the harry meme shirt lookin eyein gazin smirkin seein perceivin happenin
his jumper. that's it.
yk his hair also.
eyes.
The whole chat about AFH in Mexico within the next 5 years and that video especially these frames thank you
personal favorite: when he was asked to write Faith In The Future's initials and he kept looking at the title on his own album cover to make sure he got the right letters
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tonyboneysblog · 2 months
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A Fleeting Memory
synopsis: you and keigo meet at a party and play hide and seek, plus almost kiss
note: hawks thoughts are put in italic!
Word count: 1.5k
“Hawks do you have any friends, at all?”
this was an out of the blue question and kinda offensive coming from a worker of the P.S.C.
“Why do you ask..?”
the worker sighed softly, “Well you see, my daughter is throwing this house party but apparently she ‘doesn’t have enough people’. So I was wondering if you wanted to spread your wings a little?”
keigo faltered for a minute, thinking it over.
“oh…I’d like that a lot.”
replied Keigo Takami, the boy with no friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
why was Keigo doing this?
he was never really interested in the party life so what’s the point of going to some random girls party just cause?
because he was terribly lonely that’s why.
“Alright hawks were here!”
the worker named “Akari” said
“Let’s hope you have fun yeah? I have to go back to the work place so don’t do anything stupid while I’m not here!”
shutting the car door then walking up to the door, his nerves on fire, then knocking.
before he could even get to the next knock, a good looking girl threw open the door.
“Aha! Takada your here!” the girl yelled.
the only thing going through hawks mind right about now is “who the hell is takada??”
the girl grabbed his hand a dragged him into a nice a warm living room.
“Everyone, this is Takada! my dads co-worker.”
oh so Takada is a fake name? could’ve been a little more creative.
the group excitedly starts cheering, very nice of them to do to a stranger….
“Okay so, Takada, let me introduce you to everyone.” The girl then starts pointing at everyone one at a time, “The brown haired one is Aoi, that’s Ayaka, this is Hiroto, keiko, akimitsu, and-“
holy mackerel who the hell is that…
“This is y/n, and I’m Habiki!”
careless whispers must be playing right about now because that is the most jaw dropping mouth watering- oh god their coming towards me.
“Hey there, come around her often?”
the girl named y/n joked.
What do I say? holy wow she’s so cute…what if she thinks a look stupid?? Do my wings look goo-
“Earth to Takada?” She laughed.
Takada? Oh wait that’s me.
“A-Ah y-yea I come here all the time!”
okay now what the hell was that keigo.
“How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking of course…” she spoke softly towards the end.
“15.” Keigo barked back immediately.
“That means I’m one year older than you!” She said cheerfully.
“So you’re 16?”
of course she’s 16 she literally just implied that.
“Yep! I’ll be 17 in (birth month), when’s your birthday?”
god I love her voice.
“It’s uh…December…”
“That means you’re a Capricorn! Ever been interested in astrology?” She asked.
“I…uhm..”
Before keigo could respond suddenly the girls name was called.
“Y/n! Come write these names!” The girl named…Aoi? yelled across the room.
“Eh? But why I’m talking to Takada!?”
“Because your hand writing is the prettiest!” The girl yelled angrily.
Everything about her is pretty, of course her hand writing would be too…and what the hell is astrology…?
“darn…I’ll be right back Takada!” She bounced off towards the kitchen to help with something, while hawks sat on the couch, patiently waiting for her to come back.
during this period multiple people came up to hawks speaking to him briefly, not as interesting as y/n though…
Habiki suddenly came out of nowhere shoving a hat filled with paper in hawks face…”Draw!” She barked.
Hawks took out a piece and then slowly unraveled it. It said…hider?
what the hell does that mean.
“Okay everyone has drawn from the hat of the wolves and sheep!” Habiki said.
what the hell does that have to do with hiding..?
“We…shall be playing… HIDE AND SEEK!!” Habiki said full of energy.
what’s the hell is a hide and seek?!
Then softly a hand tapped hawks shoulder… y/n did.
“You know how to play right? Just find a hiding place until someone finds you.” She said quietly as if not to embarrass him about the fact he didn’t know what hide and seek was.
your a damn angel I swear.
“Now our seekers are Aoi and Hiroto shall be seeking, So go and hide quickly!” Habiki said loud.
They suddenly start a timer and everyone separates to hide while hawks is left in shock.
wait how the hell am I supposed to hide with thews big wings?!
Hawks quickly leapt from the couch booking it towards the stairs.
Maybe I could hide under some bed covers? But that’d only work if they were messed up.
Hawks quickly peeked into a room and..the bed sheets were a mess!
“Bingo.”
Hawks dives into the covers like a kitten playing with a cat toys, throwing himself under only to met with..you.
“shit! You scared me Takada…” y/n said quietly.
shit…should I leave? No there’s no more time left to hide what do I d-
“No worries you can hide with me.” She smiled sheepishly.
god i wanna marry you.
“T-thanks…I would’ve been a cooked bird if you pushed me out.” Hawks said in a whisper level.
“We never got to continue talking..”
“y-yea?”
“Mhm…”
Awkward.
Suddenly there was loud running up the stairs, “FOUND YOU HABIKI!”
“…”
“…”
“I suppose habiki got caught…”
“And we’ll get caught if you keep speaking so loud, Takada.”
won’t lie that was kinda hot.
“m’sorry..”
“…”
at this point your staring into hawks soul, what are you thinking? hawks definitely doesn’t know.
“Can you feel anything that touches your wings? Kinda like an extra arm?”
random but okay.
“uhm…I don’t know..”
“Can I touch them?”
HOLY MARCELLO SHE WANTS TO TOUCH ME. not like that hawks. Chillax go with the flo-
“They look so soft..n’pretty..”
is it getting hot under these sheets or is it just me…
“y-yea I’m okay with that…”
“Really?” She lights up.
She slowly moves the caress the top joint of his wings.
“Fuck, that feels nice.”
“They’re so soft..” she stops, “thanks for letting me touch them..”
Wait that was it? Cmon touch a little more…!
“It felt good..kinda like when someone massages your temple?” Hawks says.
“Your name isn’t actually Takada is it?”
okay now what the holy hel, how in the world did she know-
“You’re too pretty to be just a Takada…”
She says softly.
oh thank the lord she’s just trying to flirt with me.
“N-nah that’s my real name! I think…”
He mumbles off into a sentence that can’t be heard.
“What was that?”
“I said that your….” He mumbles off again.
“One more time?”
“Isaidthatyourprettytoo….” He says far too quickly with a red face.
“I-I..well thank you…” she blushes brightly.
Her face is so red. I wanna kiss her. She so pretty, so nervous, so nice, please kiss me, please kiss me, please kiss me.
“please kiss me.”
KEIGO WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT ALOUD??
“O-oh gosh..your quite forward aren’t you??” you whisper yell.
“M’sorry! I-i didn’t mean to say that aloud!”
Hawks rambles trying to save himself.
“H-hey it’s okay! I mean I definitely wouldn’t mind b-but..!” She says quickly, and loud.
Hawks tries to hide his red face in his wing, unable to face the situation at hand.
“M’really sorry..”
“you don’t have to be sorry…” she softly touches the side of his face.
uh oh.
“I-I wouldn’t mind..”
Hawks faces you with a bright red face and slightly teary eyes from the embarrassment.
“would this be your first kiss, Takada?”
AHHHHHHHHHHHH-
“y-yes ma’am…” hawks says softly then turning his face back to his wing.
“Ma’am?” You say confused, “m’only a year older than you..”
you never know I might like older women, I mean I definitely like you.
“Takada?”
“Y-yes?” Hawks says.
“how bad do you want to kiss me out of ten?” You say quietly.
“so bad…” hawks says softly.
you slowly part your lips aiming towards his
fuck she’s so close, she smells so good, her breath smells..minty? oh god she’s gonna kiss me.
Hawks face gets redder and redder, parting his lips until-
“TAKADA I SEE YOUR WING!”
shit, did it bust out of the covers? Damn this guy for real ruined the whole moment.
“looks like you got caught, pretty bird” you says quietly, So, so close to the place hawks wanted you the most.
If hawks died right now- actually he feels like he just did. You so close calling him these names-
“TAKADA GET OUT OF THE BED WE FOUND YOU!” Aoi screamed.
Hawks jumps out of the covers, still hiding you.
“Fine, fine, you caught me…” he said jokingly
“You okay Takada? Your face is really red..” Aoi said with concern.
“Just being under the covers for so long…no need to worry.” Hawks said quickly.
Then after the game the two of you didn’t even speak of the cover situation, the hawks had to leave. Waving off everyone then getting into Akari’s car, his eyes lingering on you while they drives off.
“So, hawks, how did spreading your wings go?” Akira said.
wonderful, I thank you for me meeting my future wife. Next time I see that amazing beautiful angel I’ll give her a million kisses and then call her-
“SHIT!” hawks screamed.
“WHAT, WHAT HAPPENED?” Akira yelled.
Hawks pouted sadly.
“I forgot to ask for her number.”
At least keigo could live with the memory of your beauty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
p2 when yall😉
37 notes · View notes
bupia · 8 months
Note
yo regarding the headcanons, could you maybe perhaps do headcanons for the Papas where reader is just very energetic, expressive and smiley :D I talk a lot, and also with my hands so I thought this could be a cute idea! no pressure tho <3
I think this is absolutely the cutest idea ever!
Thank you for your request, I hope you like it.
Primo
Primo, possesses a striking and commanding presence. Dressed in his regal attire, with a flowing dark robe, ornate mitre, and skull-painted face, would give the idea that he is very authoritative and hard to get-along;
However, Primo is actually gentle and lovely. This figure was just hidden beneath his imposing exterior;
He is known for his profound empathy and kindness by some few people inside of the Ministry, especially you;
Primo's true essence is that of a compassionate and loving soul. His ability to balance his imposing stage presence with genuine kindness makes him a beloved figure;
He always payed attention to your behavior when you were walking around with the other siblings, your energy was certainly contagious even when you weren't talking directly to him;
In private moments, Primo would ask you to keep talking, filling the room with your energy. It would make him feel young, you would bring him the energy he thought he had lost;
His voice, usually deep and powerful on stage, transforms into a soothing and comforting tone whenever he talks to you;
And don't think you would be the only one talking in the room, Primo would always have something to add or tell you, especially if he knew that whatever he had to say to you, would make you happy. He knows exactly what to say to see your eyes shining with excitement.
Secondo
Secondo is known for his stern and authoritative demeanor. He has a regal and solemn presence;
He enjoys the silence. Not that he doesn't talk, but he prefers to not be bothered at all;
He works in silence, he eats in silence, he walks in silence and even his replies are silently;
The most part of his day, only some few words would be heard and most part of them would be just a grunt or short Italian sentences;
When you started your new life in the Ministry, poor Secondo, he had a hard time;
You would see him walking on the corridors and follow him asking things about the Ministry and other things you'd want to know;
He'd likely observe your energetic behavior with a raised eyebrow, not entirely sure how to handle your exuberance;
But, at every question, he would respond with a calm, measured tone and occasionally interject to steer the conversation toward another topic;
And then, one day, he found himself listening attentively to your lively conversation;
As you two continued to interact, he gradually warms up to your enthusiasm;
Initially, he would try to maintain a composed demeanor, but a subtle, appreciative smile would eventually break through;
Occasionally gesture with his own hands, trying to match your energy;
He'd nod along to your animated conversation, occasionally chuckling at your infectious enthusiasm, and that was the first time you heard his laugh;
And for the first time in years, Secondo would stop being a fan of the silence.
Terzo
Terzo, known for his suave and charming demeanor, would appreciate your energetic behavior;
He is a true charmer, exuding a magnetic allure that draws people into his orbit;
He is a Papa with a striking contrast between his onstage flamboyance and his offstage complexity;
His elaborate outfits, makeup, and passionate vocals all contribute to his captivating stage persona. His deep, expressive eyes, have a way of making anyone feel special when he gazes at them;
However, he was already described in the past as a deeply introspective and often lonely figure;
When confronted with someone who is energetic, talkative, always smiling, Terzo would respond with curiosity and caution;
Deep down, he may also feel a sense of longing for the genuine connection and warmth that you exudes;
Your expressive nature may remind him of the joy and vibrancy he often yearns for in his life;
He'd appreciate your energy and might even encourage you to share more stories and anecdotes;
He finds your enthusiasm absolutely endearing and contagious. He'd be delighted by your expressiveness and smile in response;
But also, this would be the opportunity to engage in witty and flirtatious banter;
Terzo would relish in your chatter, listening intently to every word, and responding with compliments and charming remarks;
With a debonair smile, he'd occasionally join in on your hand gestures, using grand gestures and theatrical expressions to complement your energy;
For Terzo, your expressiveness is charming and he would share witty remarks to keep the conversation light and enjoyable;
Your interaction would be a captivating blend of wit, energy, and underlying emotional depth.
Copia
Copia stands out not only for his ecclesiastical vestments but also for his playful and approachable demeanor;
He might respond with a subtle smile or a knowing glance, occasionally interjecting with cryptic comments;
However, Copia has a mischievous streak, often sharing puns, dad jokes, and silly one-liners with a twinkle in his eye.
When he encounters someone who is just like him, Copia couldn't be happier;
His voice carries an infectious enthusiasm just like yours;
Copia, would likely adapt to the situation and mirror your energy;
He'd wear a warm smile and would reciprocate with animated gestures and an endless stream of playful chatter, sometimes even incorporating puns and jokes into the conversation;
Copia finds you boundless energy and expressiveness utterly endearing;
He would feel an instant connection with you, finding your energy contagious and your expressive nature utterly charming;
He might even encourage you to share more stories and anecdotes to keep the conversation lively;
Copia would likely share his own stories encouraging laughter and light-heartedness between your interaction;
Your interaction would be filled with laughter, warmth, and a shared love for all things dorky and fun.
69 notes · View notes
rougecreator1 · 8 days
Note
glad someone is doing Heathers the fandom has been starved. Could you do Heather Chandler x Fem!reader. Could be like strangers to lovers, idc the fandom needs more lol.
Tipsy Hook Ups||
|| Heather Chandler x fem!reader
|| Warnings: swearing, house party, underage drinking mentions, characters get drunk, heather hooks up with reader while drunk (nothing overly detailed)
|| Summary: Reader gets spotted by Heather M and the two become fast friends, resulting in reader joining the Heathers & Veronica. Heather M invites Reader to a house party where drunk!Heather Chandler hooks up with drunk!Reader.
Requests open!
Started: April 19th
Finished: April 21st
~~~
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You and Heather Chandler couldn't be any further from different. While she was popular and hot, you were more artsy and "weird". At least, that's probably how she would look at you. You spent most of your time either in the library or art room, places you were sure Heather Chandler would avoid.
And it worked. For a while.
She had no idea who you were.
Until one day she noticed you. That annoying Monday morning where you had decided to situate yourself just below your school locker. Seated on the ground, sketch book in hand. You weren't giving much thought to what you were drawing: just basic anatomy figure sketches. Nothing that was overly detailed or required a lot of thought. You loved art like that. The stuff you could just effortlessly create.
The Heathers walked by your locker, you did your best not to look up and give eye contact to either of them but of course you were noticed anyways. Just not by the Red Devil.
Heather McNamara noticed you. She took one glance at your art and was immediately sitting down next to you with a smile on her face.
"Oh my God! You're amazing at that! What're you drawing?" She asks, leaning over your shoulder. You flinch at her sudden appearance next to you and her energy, glancing at her and then at the others. Heather Duke had her arms folded across her chest, watching you and Heather McNamara with an intense glare while Heather Chandler took one glance at you. Seemed to stop for a moment before she kept walking. You second guessed and thought maybe you had imagined her stopping.
Your eyes shifted from them to Heather McNamara, feeling a little awkward with the blonde next to you," Oh... um... just-"
You're cut off by Heather Duke, though you're almost relieved by that." Heather, let's go!" She makes a 'get up' hand gesture.
"Okay, okay! Just a second!" Heather McNamara replies, looking to you again after looking over at Heather Duke. "Can you teach me how to draw like that sometime? My art score is low and I could use a tutor."
"Sure..?" You raise an eyebrow slightly. That was the last thing you expected to have happen.
"Great! Thanks! Oh! What's your name?" She asks you just as she was about to get up.
"Y/N." You respond, she smiles at you and gives you a quick (awkward) hug.
"Nice meeting you, Y/N! Library after school today?"
"Okay.."
"Great!" Heather gets up and leaves, Heather Duke scoffs and glares at you before they both scramble after Heather Chandler who was a good distance ahead.
That's how you and Heather McNamara became friends. Something you never thought would happen. From what you've gathered, she's much nicer than the other Heathers.
~~~
It's been three weeks now of you tutoring Heather in art, you thought she was getting better at it. On top of it, you both were close friends now. She was just so easy to talk to and genuinely pretty funny once you got to know her.
It was after school, you and Heather M were in the school library. Working on an art project the two of you had been paired together for. You guys didn't have the same art class, but the art teacher was trying this thing where she paired students from different class periods on projects. You weren't sure why, you thought maybe it was her way of getting students to connect with people they normally wouldn't.
"Y/N, I was wondering. Are you busy this Friday night?" She asked you, you looked up from the references you'd been flipping through in a book and shook your head.
"No, why?"
Her smile widened and you immediately regretted not coming up with a lie. You knew that look.
"Kurt and Ram are hosting a house party. I'll have Heather come to yours when she picks the rest of us up!"
Great. Now you're going to a house party. You'd done so well at avoiding those.
"Alright.. but could you come to mine after school first? I have no idea what to wear to a house party." You admit.
"Oh my Gosh! Totally! Ee, this is going to be awesome!" She squeals, throwing her hands into the air. Her excited look made it worth it.
~~~
Friday night rolls around, Heather M had helped you get into a nice outfit (whatever you want to imagine) and Heather Chandler had gotten all five of you to the party. The five being you, Veronica, the Heathers.
You weren't sure what to expect. Sure you could guess but all those guesses made you nervous. Luckily, you had Heather M and Veronica keeping an eye on you. In the time you had known Heather M Veronica had become friends with you too.
It was well into the party now, you had a few drinks. Nothing too insane, but you were definitely a little tipsy. Not as bad as the other Heathers and Veronica, who you were surprised to see as drunk as she was.
You were leaned up against the counter top in the kitchen, watching as Heather M poured each of you another drink. Heather Chandler walked over to you with a smirk.
"Hey, nerd. Come over here for a second." She demanded, you glanced at her in confusion but listened.
Without warning, she kissed you. Heather D & M and Veronica stared at the both of you with wide eyes and confusion. Veronica cheered though.
"Yeah! Get it, Y/N!" She's drunk, leave her be.
You blushed heavily and pulled away after a moment, staring into Heather's eyes. You couldn't read her. You didn't want to admit it, but you had been crushing on her as you got closer with the group. Did she pick up on that? What did this mean?
"Come on." Heather C muttered, grabbing you by your hand; dragging you somewhere upstairs and into one of the bedrooms.
You weren't sure whose but you didn't care enough to figure it out. You just simply followed Heather.
When she got you into the room, she had pushed you against the closed door with a bit of force. Kissing at your neck which got a gasp out of you, you moved her off you so you could gather your thoughts.
"What the hell?" You asked, breathless. She smirked again at that and her hand trailed down your side.
"This is what you've wanted, isn't it?" Fuck.
She knew.
You gulped and didn't answer, which confirmed everything for her," Just relax and let it happen. You're hot, let me fucking kiss you." Heather whispered against your lips.
Part of you knew this was wrong. You were both drunk. Her more than you. You were sure both of you would regret this in the morning. But right now? You didn't care about any of that.
Little did you know neither of you would regret it and that it would turn into something more.
29 notes · View notes
sensitiveheartless · 8 months
Note
different from the fanfic writer ask thing, but I just wanted to thank you for always always always being such a friendly and positive ray of sunshine in the fandom! BSD fandom is generally a hostile place to be, but your tumblr is and always has been such a chill place to be! It’s always so fun to see your fic ideas and fanart, and it’s always a relief to be able to interact with you, knowing you’re not going to overreact and lash out unexpectedly! Thanks for being such a bright, safe spot that makes this fandom worth staying in and interacting with!
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Anon I will CRY, don’t tempt me — but seriously, I’m really glad I’ve been able to be that for you!
I think I’ve been pretty lucky, to be honest — I might have grown up with too much unsupervised internet access, but one thing that my mom did hammer into my head at a young age was to never ever share anything personal about myself with anyone online. Which my child brain interpreted as “never talk to anyone ever or they will find out where you live”, so I then proceeded to avoid making any social media accounts, and in general tried to never interact with anything online at all up until I was in college.
…Anyway, as a result of that, my default state is not interacting with things, which makes it pretty easy to ignore random internet squabbles or people trying to be inflammatory. (Also I don’t go in the main tags for bsd so I just see things through the blogs I follow, none of which are particularly drama-prone, so I’ve overall had a pretty positive experience in this fandom, considering it’s the first one I’ve ever interacted with. I think in general that kind of curation makes for a much more chill experience, so I do recommend that.)
But yeah! I will never lash out at someone for saying hi, or just interacting with me in general, and I fully intend to keep this a chill blog where I just share the stuff I’m working on :D I am here because I like making things and I like talking with people about the blorbos!
Ah, also, a somewhat related guarantee: on the rare occasions I’ve gotten bad faith hate mail on here, I have ignored it and gone to draw something that makes me happy instead of responding. I will continue to utilize that strategy, and that is a promise. Y’all don’t need to see that kind of negativity, and it’s a waste of energy to respond, so I don’t.
(This also seems like a good time to say that I am dearly sorry if I’ve ever blocked a real person while mistaking them for a bot, it’s just genuinely hard to tell sometimes alskdjfj)
64 notes · View notes
rottindecay · 8 months
Note
YOU ARE SO UNDERRATED I SWEARRR.
If request are open, wound you mind doing a small fic where Hobie is in love with spidey ! y/n but they are still blocked in the past, mssing the people they lost as their canon event. Soo Hobie just comforts them and tries to make y/n see the good parts of the present...that mostly it's Hobie's presence.
THANK YOUUU, REMEMBER TO NOT OVERWORK YOURSELF AND TO TAKE CARE OF YOU !!
𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐇 𝐈𝐌 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐋𝐘 💋.
OFC I CAN!! TYSM FOR REQUESTING !
𝐙𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞 ’s note 1: btw if this wasn’t what u wanted ‘m SO sorry
𝐙𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞 ’s note 2: (British slang) pillock = idiot
*reblogs, notes n comments are much appreciated >O<!!*
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A Little Of Cheering Up From Hobie Brown ! ☆
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You’ve been a spider for a while at this point, about a year, meaning your cannon event had already happened. No matter how many days or months passed you were still blocked in the past, still missing everybody that you had lost because of it.
Not too long after becoming a spider though, you started talking to this guy named Hobie Brown. A British punk who loves to talk and joke around with you. He’s with you almost everywhere you are just to hang out with you more. You guys were best friends! well..Hobie thought differently.
not too long after talking to you, he knew then and there he liked- no. loved you. You were just so full of energy and you guys practically liked the same thing. How could he not? You were perfect in his eyes.
One day once you had woken up and started to brush your teeth to get ready for the day, all the memories of your loved ones you lost in your cannon event started to flood in and before you knew it- tears started to flow down your cheeks. You finished up brushing your teeth before setting your toothbrush down and walking back to your bed to continue to cry.
You stayed in your bed crying like that all day long. You didn’t go to the spider society or even answer any calls or messages you may have gotten.
Even hobies.
This rubbed him the wrong way and got a gut feeling to check up on you. He would rather be yelled at for barging in your home then get a message that something bad has happened to you.
He tapped a few buttons on his watch, opening a portal to your dimension. He walked through and stepped on a random building before soon swinging from structure to structure, finding his way to your apartment.
Once he landed on the fire escape, like always, your window was open. Hed normally make a fuss about it but this but this time, he was actually relieved it was open. It was just easier to get in like this.
Hobie slowly started to open it before jumping through the window and taking his mask off with one hand as the other gently closed your window. He looked up and saw your shifting form covered in pounds of blankets before your head popped out of it to see who or what just closed your window.
“..Hobie?”
you muttered as one of your hands came up to your cheeks to wipe away some of the tears still left over.
“Hey luv, I jus’ came ‘ere to see if you were alrigh’ cuz I did’nt see you a’ the socie’y and you ‘avent answer anybody.”
He spoke softly before sitting at the edge of your bed next to you with a small smile on his lips, happy you were safe before noticing your slight red eyes in the dim lighting.
“Are you alrigh’?”
Hobie asks all concerned before shifting his face closer to yours to get a better look, his eyebrows slightly scrunching and his heart aching at the sight. He placed his hand on your knee as his smile from earlier started to slowly fade into a slight frown.
“..yeah, yeah ‘m fine.”
You respond back with a pitiful voice, your gaze shifting away from his.
“I know you’re no’, luv. Cmon..tell me wha’s up. I’ll listen.”
The corner of his lips started to shift upwards slightly as his face stayed close to yours, his thumb drawing circles on your knee.
Your lips quivered as you continued to look away from hobies eyes before taking a shaky breath and spilling everything to him. All the loved ones you had lost in your cannon event, how bad you still missed them and how you just couldn’t move on from them. You loved them too much to do so.
Hobie just sat there, listening along. He didn’t dare say a word before he knew you were completely done. You shedded a lot of tears as you told him your issue, so before you were almost done he put one of his hand behind your head and moved it towards his chest then wrapping his long arms around you. He rested his chin on top of your head and told you that everything was going to be okay while he swayed you slightly as you continued to cry and clutch onto his shirt like it was a lifeline.
Hobe just sat there hugging for for a while before moving away slightly and looking at your face, his smile coming back before his hands went to your cheeks to wipe your tears away.
“Hey. Cmon, let go, yeah? Well have a lil feil’ trip.”
He stood up from your bed before reaching his hand out for you to take so he could pull you up from your bed and swing around your dimension.
You didn’t want to go. All you wanted was to stay in bed crying and rotting away, but the smile on his lips and the look in his eyes just made you reach your hand out and hold his.
“There you go. Get your spider suit on and lets go now, hmm?”
His smile still present on his lips as he walked over to your closet, taking out your spider shit before handing it to you. After a moment of looking at it and back at him, you grabbed it making Hobie happy you agreed.
Hobie turned around with his hands shoved in the pockets of his vest whilst you change from your at home clothes to your suit to give you a bit of privacy. Once you had finished he turned around and looked you up and down before meeting your gaze.
“Lookin’ good as eva.”
He grinned before removing one of his hands from his pocket and messing your hair up a bit, earning a groan from you as you tried to remove his hand away from your hair. This just made Hobie snicker at your response before grabbing your wrist and head to your window, opening it up and help you jump through it as you both stood on your fire escape.
You guys then started to swing from building to building through your city with hobie doing some tricks here and there before looking back at you, even with the mask on you just knew he was smirking at you as if he was challenging you. You hummed with a brown raised before doing some tricks of your own like doing a backflip mid-air then letting yourself fall super close to the ground before shooting a web at some random billboard just in time before your body could hit the ground.
This, of course, made hobies heart drop to his stomach. His eyes on his mask winded when he saw you almost hit the ground before sighing a relief once you shot your web. He looked back over at you with his head shaking as a chuckle left his lips.
You guys just swung around your dimension visiting random places both of you could find, going to your favorite places, exploring, stealing stuff..
It was just all fun!
Lastly, to end the night, you guys sat shoulder to shoulder on a rooftop of some random skyscraper. You two had the perfect view of your city, the sky changing colors from a pink fading into orange to a deep blue since it was almost night time. While you both sat there, you guys were talking about whatever came to mind as you ate food Hobie bought from your favorite deli.
“You see? The people you lost in your cannon even’, you’ll miss ‘em sure, but you’ll always remember ‘em. Can’t jus’ always hold onto the past, luv. There’s always somethin’ to look forward to, like all that fun we had earlier. Am I right?”
He asked with a smirk with his face just inches from yours with his hand finding your knee once more, his thumb drawing lines on it.
You looked down at the streets filled with cars before letting out a sigh.
“..yeah, you’re right.”
You responded, a smile finding its way to your lips when you looked back at Hobie. You two just sat there, looking into each others eyes for what felt like forever before his face started to move closer to yours. He glanced down at your lips before wetting his lips with his tongue.
Then soon enough, you felt his pierced lips on yours.
The hand that was on your knee was now holding your chin to bring your face impossibly closer. The more the kiss continued, the more it progressed. Your tongues exploded each others mouths when one of your hands coming up to hold his cheek.
After a good minute or so you both reluctantly pulled away with Hobie cursing out the human bodys need of oxygen. He smiled as he placed his forehead on yours while whispering an
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Hobart.”
You responded, your words being laced with a giggle with Hobie squinting his eyes at you and his eyebrow raising.
“Oi shut up you pillock.”
Hobie chuckled after a moment before his lips crashed with yours once more.
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skaldish · 5 months
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re: the last ask you responded to, I love the description of your relationship with Loki so much! It sounds exactly like what I'm seeking in relationships with deities. I would love to hear more about how you developed a connection that is so playful and fun, and what that looks like in day to day life (whatever you're comfy sharing of course). It just made my heart so happy, like I could feel both of you smiling as I read :)
Well, to be honest, I befriended Loki purely by accident.
Years ago, before life got hard and my creativity was sapped dry, I used to write tons of original fantasy stories. By extension of this, I also made tons of OCs.
One day in 2014, I decided I wanted to create a character who was the epitome of a magnificent bastard—an absolute conniving, rakish, and hilarious sonofabitch—and after months of trial and error I finally struck on an energy.
I was ecstatic to finally get the character down, but as time went on I noticed he seemed to do what characters normally don't do and act outside of my own whims and desires, like he was autonomous. He gave me no inspiration for his story, but tons inspiration for hijinks we'd get up to together (which I would then draw pictures about). He would also sometimes just...leave my head for days or weeks on end before returning. All of it actually weirded me out for a bit, but ultimately the joy of the relationship outweighed my fear of not really knowing what was going on.
But this ignorance couldn't last forever, and three years lafer my character revealed himself as Loki. To say this broke my brain is an understatement; it shattered my concept of reality, and rebuilding it was legitimately one of the hardest, scariest periods of my life.
So it wasn't all playful fun. There was an initiation involved. And the strife it caused nearly convinced me to kick Loki from my life for good.
These days I understand my cluelessness was actually what saved our relationship. There's no way I would have interacted with Loki on the basis of who he is, had I known he was a god. I would have interacted with his role as deity, rather than his personhood.
I guess the trick to fostering relationships like this one, is to interact with deities as people, first and foremost—people who have their own opinions, agency, values, and personalities that aren't beholden to archetypes or societal roles. Interact with them on the basis of who and how they are in relation to you, rather than as deities, archetypes, and/or allegorical devices.
Likewise, avoid slotting yourself in a role in relation to them. You are likewise a person, and not a societal role or archetype. Communicate your genuine thoughts and feelings. Be yourself, however you may be in that moment.
And then see what comes of it.
I did not (and do not) intentionally craft my relationship with Loki to be playful. Our relationship is playful because we play together, and we play together because we enjoy it.
I likewise did not intentionally craft my relationship with Eochu Bres (minor Irish deity, Brigid's husband) around discussions of philosophy and magic. We end up discussing these things because they're topics we're excited by and enjoy talking about together.
While I do have more cordial interactions with deities I don't know very well, even these are still rooted in being genuine. I don't hide how I feel (which is very often "shy and awkward") but this seems preferred over any performances, no matter how lavish.
So yeah. Be yourself, not who you think you need to be to please them.
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indycinders · 18 days
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I'm gonna ramble for a bit, so read if you're interested, otherwise ignore. (❁´◡`❁)
TL;DR: I'm moving on. My asks will remain on, anons will remain on, but I'll not further engage in any negativity.
I don't have the energy for hate or anger. It's a powerful and overwhelming emotion that consumes people much too easily, and I don't have the right mental capacity nor the physicality to handle such anger.
I will be the first to admit that I responded with the same energy I was given. It's not healthy nor is it particularly acceptable from my end. I shouldn't have fed into it, I should have blocked and moved on, or I should have just chosen my words more carefully.
None of this is going anywhere. There are too many involved at this point to thoroughly come to a graceful conclusion between any of the parties. None of us should have our lives, well-being, mental, and physical health threatened.
People are allowed to speak their pain and their truth. And for me personally, I wanted to support Winndy in hers because I had faced something similar, though I just quietly backed into the shadows and disappeared for a while.
This whole thing has brought up a lot of negative emotions and buried feelings I thought I had gotten over, but I haven't. I have lost sleep, I continue to be sick, I have a constant headache and my anxiety regressed to the point where I don't want to leave my house again, which isn't okay.
I want to focus on fostering my support towards my friends and those I care about, and focus on continuing to build those friendships and being more present with them. I just want to create things and write and draw to my little heart's content and share it with my friends, and that's all I've ever wanted to do.
I'm working on Duplicity's rework in between writing chapters for Frayed, so keep a look out for upcoming information on that.
I hope everyone can take a step back and work on healing for themselves and their friends as well. I hope we can come back better for it.
I do want to say that I'm an open ear for anyone who just needs someone to talk to. Don't be afraid to come to me, I'll never shame anyone for needing a friend. (❁´◡`❁)
Take care of yourselves. Do some self-care. Write, draw, vent however you need to in a healthy way.
-Cin
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felmonth · 3 months
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*eating a bag of chips*
Oh! Welcome to my blog, neighbor!
My name is Felmonth but call me Fel, I'm an artist or so I think, I'm from Chile, I don't write or speak English well but I'm learning, so if I make a mistake when writing something in English, correct me so I can learn much better. I dedicate myself to making small comics but just because they are small doesn't mean that they don't take time, it takes me forever to finish the drawings so give me patience with all the content that I have to bring here, it doesn't usually take more than a month, normally it's two weeks difference.
Anonymous Questions!
(It takes me a long time to answer since I usually draw to answer, give me patience with that too)
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What I do?
-I draw "Welcome Home" mostly and some other alternative universe of this project.
-I draw small comics of my character interacting with fandom characters (the only fandom I'm in is Welcome Home)
-I draw whatever, mainly my characters (OCs) in such a situation with other characters but never +18 since it makes me uncomfortable (maybe some off-color comments but it doesn't go any further).
-I draw headcanons/scenarios through comics.
-I don't usually draw romantic things but above all it's always romance between boys (so if you don't like it you can leave with a cup of tea and cookies from me)
-If I draw horror I do it as soft as possible.
Social networks:
My Instagram /
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About my art!
-It takes me forever to draw but I will do my best to bring content.
-Don't trace my drawings.
-I'm not good with my character designs but don't copy the designs I give them, I want to see your creativity not an exact copy.
-You can be inspired by my drawings but not make exact copies of those drawings.
-Yes, you can draw my Ocs with your oc (whether alone, ships, friends or neighbors)
-If you draw them in a romantic way, let them be of legal age since most of my characters are 24 or older.
-You can draw yourself with my character but don't think that by putting my character in a romantic situation, you and me, should be a couple…it's VERY uncomfortable…don't see it as automatically we should be a couple please.
-I clarify this because it has happened to me with some users who fought to the death in the chat for my character and me... and man… it's uncomfortable to see that so I ask you please… if you draw your character with mine. DON'T see it as a relationship between users….
-You can also draw reels or tiktoks, comics with my characters, I have no problem.
About me
-You can give me ideas to draw in the anonymous questions, no problem.
-Don't ask me if you can draw me something, just do it (But if you feel better asking, I have no problem answering).
-If I inspired you, give credits or a mention so I can see it.
-I will not tolerate homophobes looking at my drawings… we must respect everyone equally even if they are just drawings.
-Well… that's it, this blog will be edited over time to add more things. You can ask if you have questions about something.
About "Chats"
I didn't want to make this section about the chats but I am tired that there are people who get angry or sad either if I don't answer or I give them an answer that is not to their liking, I don't want to be a bad person but I want to clarify a few things:
-I can't be 100% chatting.
-I take a long time to respond to chats but that doesn't mean you have to insist with messages for me to respond quickly, if you're going to start with that, better not talk to me.
-Don't talk to me constantly:
-I mean by this, is that you talk to me all the time and every day of the week, do not do it...give me pauses and time to answer because I am not 100% on the phone, do not insist that I answer because it stresses me more not being able to answer, I try but I can't, I have other things to worry about and I'm not on the phone.... sorry.
-My response in chats: usually take days, weeks or even months, either by work, University, energy, mentally, etc..
-Delete messages: If you talk to me on any social network chat .... don't delete your messages...when they come to my phone by notification I read them but if I see that the message you sent me 35 min ago, I see it again 5 minutes later, it makes me feel very bad because you are not being patient with me when I am doing my best.
-Don't give me personal information about yourself and if you insist with chat messages of “why aren't you answering?”, I will not answer.
Byeeee UWU)/!
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allsadnshit · 4 months
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I had a terrible nightmare last night that my bosses were my old art teachers in school and when I realized that I knew it was going to be unfair to have teachers so biased against me and all I wanted to do was draw and none of the other students would stick up for me or believe me that I was being treated badly in fact they were mocking my frustration and saying how easy the class was so I went to the supervisor to tell them I just needed to be excused from that class and could take any other one in its place and she started pulling receipts saying id done this too many times before and it was a boy who cried wolf situation that had absolutely no substance anymore and I was clearly the one making the problems and wouldn't be believed by anyone given my history of always getting bad blood with people
I kept begging everyone to see that I wasn't asking for anyone else's punishment and I wasn't trying to get people to be angry about what I was angry about I just wanted to be able to leave a situation that is unhealthy for me but they kept laughing in my face and saying I had no where to go
I woke up feeling so so sick. Everything with my job in real life feels it's escalated even though I've tried to handle things as well as I could and went to therapy before making any decisions to make sure what I wanted to do was aligned with sincerity and myself and when I tried to call my co workers to tell them i was demoted and to not keep working on the specialty drink ideas I had given the shop before finding out I wouldn't be paid on them they had me on speakerphone and my boss heard me saying I was demoted and they quickly hung up to avoid conflict and when I called them back I told them sorry yeah it's awkward but it's not a secret and I am not hiding something this is just actually the situation and that hanging up and bolting probably looks more suspicious than just telling them.
Then last night after I told my bosses I want my Sunday shift covered (cause I need more time to think about things and how I want to handle them and going in and working with them right now is not okay for me) the husband responded in a separate text which was weird and just said sure but that we should all talk if I need to do things don't fester if I have something I need to say. And I do, and I will but I need time to because half the problem is that they sprung the whole conversation and demotion on me without any warning like didn't even tell me we would be talking about it that day so I was so unprepared and it was really unfair to me. I muted the business and the other bosses instagrams i follow from seeing my story cause I want some privacy from them whether I'm having good days or bad days I just don't want them having access to me right now with everything going on and so they started lurking on my story from a secret account I didn't know the husband even had and I only caught it because he watched a story of mine for the first time and so quickly after I posted it that his name wasn't just lost in the views and I saw it. It was so off putting and like clearly they've never done that before so it wasn't normal and felt so invasive since they clearly realized I had blocked their other accounts from my story...
I'm going to probably have to be unemployed for MONTHS when I quit and I'm not trying to spite anyone I am trying to have some self respect and uphold the boundaries I have with myself about what treatment I will allow and what energy I'm willing to give to businesses that profit off it but don't appreciate it.
I've never ever ever quit something like this before but I know it just won't sit right with me to stay just for the sake of the money and peace it's just going to become worse and I need to walk away but I feel like none of my peers are gonna have my back.
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art-crumbs-main · 3 months
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Hello!
I'm a queer artist who wants money.
You're (perhaps) a person with money who wants queer art.
Let's make some magic happen.
Let's talk Commissions!
[SR text: "Let's talk Commissions!"]
Character Art Prices
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Bust (Click for quality):
Sketch - $12
Colored sketch or lineart - $15
Lineart with flats - $17
Simple shading - $20
Full render - $45
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Half-body (Click for quality):
Sketch - $15
Colored sketch or lineart - $18
Lineart with flats - $20
Simple shading - $25
Full render - $55
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Full-body (Click for quality):
Sketch - $20
Colored sketch or lineart - $23
Lineart with flats - $25
Simple shading - $30
Full render: $65
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Backgrounds (Click for quality):
Solid color/No background - Free of charge.
Sketchy background - $5-15 (Depending on complexity.)
Painterly lineless background - $15-45 (Depending on complexity)
Full-lined, full-detail, anime-esque background - $50-150 (Depending on complexity.)
Extra stuff:
Props - $1-25 per prop depending on detail. This usually includes things a character is holding, but may include for example, a painting or family photo hanging on the wall, if that's an important focal point.
75% off any extra characters in each piece.
Things I will do:
Traditional art (IT WILL ALWAYS BE MORE EXPENSIVE.)
Mimic styles of popular media
Pixel art
Sprite edits
Character sheets
OCs
Fandom content
Ship content
Tasteful nudity
Headcanons (diversity and otherwise)
Homestuck panel edits
Things I will need to clear before you request but aren't necessarily off the table:
Extreme violence/Gore
Kink
Fetish
Other NSFW
Depictions of mental illness
Things I will not do under any circumstances:
Draw for free. If you come in my DMs asking for free art, I will personally take you to the top of the Eiffel Tower and hang you from it by your shirt. (Though, if you put it in my asks, I may respond with a little doodle when I have the time and energy.)
Proship: This covers incest, pedophilia, shit like that. I don't wanna fuckin' draw that.
NSFW of real people.
Hateful imagery (hate symbols, racist characatures, dogwhistles (I will look shit up if it seems strange.))
Self harm or suicide.
Drug abuse.
Depictions of domestic abuse.
Depictions of sexual violence.
Anything that gives me the ick. I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, yadda yadda.
Anything, if you're personally a dick to me.
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