#past mental abuse

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[selfhealingmoments]

#inspiring #stress free #mental growth #mental strength #mental abuse #mental health #self reflection #self improvement #good life #life lessons #leaving the past behind #learning #self healing #self worth #self help #being yourself #be happy #live for today #living in the present #simple living #slow living #living well #live for yourself

[halsinswhire]

It's going to be okay (sample)

Halsin x gender neutral reader

Warnings: Angst to fluff, past ass*ult, past abusive relationship, kinda unintentional self harm, Halsin is a big softy (yes this is a warning)

Summary: You tell Halsin part of your past when he finds you upset

Should I keep this going or start on a new idea?

Tears fill your eyes as you run into the forest away from everyone's prying eyes. You keep running until you find a spot far enough away from everyone where they won't hear your crying. As you stop and take in your surroundings you realize there is a beautiful pond not too far away. Walking towards the pond, tears now running down your face, you decide this is a good space to be alone. Sitting by the edge of the pond you finally let your sobs escape your throat into the open air. Not realizing exactly what you're doing, or registering the pain, you start to hit your thighs as hard as you can. "Why can't I get over this? When does it stop hurting so much?" You scream. The sound of a branch snaps you out of your trance-like state, and you turn around to see Halsin close behind you. He walks towards you slowly and sits down beside you. "I felt the need to check on you when you ran off, would you like to talk about what it is that's upsetting you?" He says. You think for a moment, 'should I tell him?', but decide against it. Shaking your head you say "no it's- it's silly I'll be fine. Just give me a moment." Halsin does not believe you for a moment, but decides not to push the matter yet, instead staying seated beside you in case you change your mind. "Nature's gifts sure are beautiful, sometimes I sit out here just to observe." Halsin says. You know he is just trying to distract you, but for now you allow it to work. "You've been to this spot before? It's beautiful." You say. Leaning your head against his shoulder you let out a long sigh. "My problems are not yours, they are mine to deal with." You say. " My love, let me be here for you. You can rely on me."

#Spotify #halsin x reader #bg3 fluff #bg3 #bg3 halsin #bg3 angst #halsin #halsin fluff #halsin angst #past abuse #mental health

[maikingsenseofit]

Being a Maiko fan is not for the weak but my god do the metas, fanarts, and the shippers exemplify the best parts of media literacy and creativity.

Special shoutout to the following folks who I love reading and reblogging: @akiizayoi4869 @hello-nichya-here @zvtara-was-never-canon @an-aspiring-jester @mai-fruit-tarts @thethiefandtheairbender

+many more

#just some of the most cohesive posts come out of this sub fandom #anybody who disparages mai and Maiko largely due it cause their childhood crush ended up with a female character they can’t fathom #pro Maikos having a very good grasp of childhood mental health and abuse #and how our past doesn’t define us #just two kids tryna make sense of the world and that’s beautiful #mai #zuko #maiko #avatar the last airbender #atla maiko

[thepeacefulgarden]

#reminders #taking things personally #people pleasing #fawning #codependency #perfectionism #self compassion #self respect #mental health #stop the spiral #you are enough #you are worthy #you are not a failure #you are not your mistakes #you are not your past #you are not what other people think of you #abuse #you don't deserve it #you don't suck

[worldbuildingwanderlust]

Burning bridges

Makes room

To build

Better ones

#my writing #poem #poetry #past trauma #abuse survival #abuse survivor #healing #moving on #mental health #physical health #personal growth #personal power #creative writing #spilled ink #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #quick write

[tequiilasunriise]

Let’s see here- an abusive, narcissistic prick who manipulates women and has a clear red raging bull design but the fandom calls him a “fucken goatman” regardless?

At the very least Adam was so homophobic that, in a roundabout way, he became the number one Bumbleby truther (“I will make it my mission to destroy everything you love, starting with her”, “WHAT DOES SHE EVEN SEE IN YOU?!”, etc etc), the fuck does Montyass got going fer him???

#also blake and ada are both bisexuals wh got manipulated and hurt by these two respective dipshits but ada got NOTHING on miss bellabooty #ada girl please i understand this is a realistic deciption of someone suck in a cycle of abuse #that as a victim of hostility you are drawn to all that u know and willing to take in any scrap of positive attention u can no matrer how fa #-fake whoops tag limit #BUT GIRLY PLEASE GET UP GET UPPP U CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER LIKE #LIKE YEAH I UNDERSTAND WHERE UR COMING FROM AND HOW U JUST HAD A HUGE MENTAL BREAKDOWN #AND HOW ANNABEL MADE IT WORSE BUT SAYING NO ONE IS GONNA TAKE U SERIOUSLY AND MONTYASS CAPITALIZED ON THIS #BY SEEMINGLY TAKING U SERIOUSLY AND NOW UR UNDER HIS SPELL #BUT HOLY FUCK!!! ARE U MAKING BAD CHOICES RN!!! #meanwhile Blake’s arc of growth past her trauma of domestic abuse and learning to trust others and love herself #the chef’s arent kissing bro this is cHEF’s W E D D I N G #rwby #bumbleby #blake belladonna #nevermore webtoon #ada nevermore #no i wont tag the ship name fuck that noise stay out stay out sTAY OUTTTT‼️‼️‼️

[yashley]

yu suffiad: you have a lady in your head and no one’s asked about it

laudna: yes I do have a lady in my head and you know what, she sounds like you right now because she knows exactly what to say to get me to do her bidding

#critical role #cr lb #ok but like marisha ATE that mentality like HER maam HER #our past abusers give us those Red Flags and she said Hey Red Flag

[elytrafemme]

and obviously this is by far the least important part of ANY of this, but i'm going to pretty strongly dissociate myself from anything relating to that smp-- mostly for my own mental health (again, not to center myself here). as for CS, i would like to continue it, though obviously the disclaimers again will be heavy. it is a story i wrote to cope with abuse, and if fanworks like that are called to be stopped then i will obviously rethink things. but i will give it a lot of time to figure out how to meaningfully create something from a piece of media created by unfathomably shitty people, and i'd like to be able to continue writing for the message that CS was set to convey.

again, this is not the focus of the conversation, but i just wanted to say that since i am online for once and i figure i may get an ask or two about it.

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.cough-syrup #as an update for folks since i do typically discuss my own personal life on this blog #i'm currently in the stages of questioning whether or not i have CPTSD #and after a few conversations occurring the last couple of months i've been keenly in touch with the various- #-abusive relationships/situations i've had in my life that i did not ever recognize consciously. #people seem to be handling this situation far better than past occurrences in this general sphere. #but i cannot emphasize enough how fucking difficult it is to speak out about these things. #those in my life were very selective about what abuse they let be shown publicly versus what i could never speak about #and i again am so in awe of shubble's strength in acknowledging something like this given how public of a figure her abuser is. #i hope he rots and i hope she heals. that's about where i'm at as i hope everyone is. #(and also if i post a bit about my mental health in coming days note that that is not an attempt to detract from- #-another victim's story. i want to make it very clear that while there are parallels in stories of abuse- #every abuse victim's story is theirs and is not to be trivialized or collapsed in any broader way.)

[theprissythumbelina]

Last Line Tag Game

I was tagged by @blind-the-winds , @thatndginger , @thetruearchmagos and @tabswritesfor the last line tag. Since all of you tagged me, you get a whole scene!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Mama?” she said. The empty corpse at the door paid no attention. Resigned, at this point, Nicolette pulled loose a whisp of magic from the bundle in her chest. “Mama?” She tried again. 

At this, her mother’s body paused, and turned sightless eyes toward her. But only for a heartbeat, and then it went back to scratching at the door with animalistic ferocity. Nicolette’s cheeks burned with unusual cold, and as Nicolette rubbed at her face, she discovered she was crying. 

“Mama.” She couldn’t stop the tears and now she couldn’t stop the words either.

“Mama please. You shouldn’t have left me like this. I don’t have anything now. I have nothing, I only ever had you. Why did you leave me?”

She was shaking uncontrollably. Her voice climbed to a wail and she rocked frantically, making the wood chair scream and creak.

 “You can’t leave me, what am I supposed to do? I’m nothing, I’m nothing, I’m nothing, why did you leave me? Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?”

The chair gave out with a final shriek of complaint. 

______________________________________________________________

I'm tagging @cwritesfiction @owlsandwich @dyrewrites @gltownsend @emabatis @emilydevoursstories @ceph-the-ghost-writer @macabremoons (no pressure!)

#tw: zombie #i guess its close enough #tw: undead #wip Mortal Sparks #my writing #tag games #writeblr tag games #last line tag #character has a mental breakdown #or alternately expresses the mental breakdown they've been having for the past year or so #to their undead mother-corpse #chair abuse

[batwynn]

I finally get to try a different medication for ADHD via my NP primary care because I explained to her that I’m weeks behind on work, but also I literally have an autoimmune disease that causes open wounds that need frequent care and guess what executive dysfunction and memory problems make really hard to do?

I love having to beg for help using the most extreme versions of my problems via ADHD because my regular day comfort and being able to function just don’t matter.

#adhd #mental health #nurodivergent #medical care #American health care #tw: wounds #tw: medication #tw: mental health #tw: doctors #tw: medical abuse #I don’t know how else to tag it #but uh yeah if I seem unfriendly to doctors let me just sit you down with the past 20 years of experiences #I mean I honestly froze when she said yeah come in and pee in a cup and we’re good to go #like really? #the last two wouldn’t work with me at all #one told me to stop taking the one I was on since I complained that it didn’t seem to be working enough #instead of upping the dose or changing meds #like #anyway #personal #batwynn talks #blacklist last tag to avoid personal posts

[selfhealingmoments]

#FACTS #manipulators #no contact #abusive people #mental abuse #love bombing #hoovering #narcissistic personality disorder #toxic friends #toxic relationship #toxic people #people from the past #people pleasing #people pleaser #mirroring #abuse #disrespect #let go #letting go #move on #move forward #self worth #self help #self healing #self reflection #self improvement #victimhood #victim mentality

[moe-broey]

I was maybe halfway into this when I realized this could have been an edit but. Can anyone hear me

#fire emblem #feh #LIKE YEAH THAT WHOLE MONOLOGUE WAS AN ACT. BUT THIS IS MORE TO DEMONSTRATE #how triandra REFUSES to look past her guilt at all costs. she is ALWAYS so quick to condemn herself #meanwhile alfonse given the right circumstances under the right pressure. #he will go full sicko mode. #LIKE .... AUGHHHHH i can't fully capture it but. they have complete opposite mental/emotional approaches to what they had to do. #AND complete opposite attitudes about it. like alfonse is absolutely remorseful over gustav #and the abuse/neglect he got from gustav is way more nuanced than triandra's father adding even more complexity to it #but like. alfonse's greatest strength and weakness (i like to believe anyway lmfao) is he is practical. #LIKE. TO ALFONSE. the ends justify the means. meanwhile triandra did what she had to and yet #still WHOLEHEARTEDLY believes she's in the wrong for it. like two wrongs don't make a right. #even though her and peony's situation WAS life or death. she still sees what she had to do as #a crime she can never be absolved from. #am i making sense. i am unmedicated. #fe alfonse #fe triandra #my art

[lotus-pear]

Me and my gf are fr skk coded /j

that is NOT smth to be proud of those bitches are insufferable😭 /j

#IM ACTUALLY KIDDING THEYRE FUNNY IF YOU LOOK PAST THE CHOKING AND MENTAL ABUSE #lotus’s asks

[thepeacefulgarden]

#you are enough #you are worthy #you are lovable #you are worthy of love #find your people #self compassion #self love #self respect #self care #you are not your past #you are not your mistakes #you are not what happened to you #relationships #family #abuse #friendship #mental health

[soullessjack]

to me one of the most fucked up things about godjack and that whole “oh Cas and jack are doing excel spreadsheets in heaven now isn’t that so silly” thing and whatever is like. why are you putting them back into the system that abused and manipulated them. cas was literally lobotomized and forced to kill fake deans numerous times to condition him back into being the blind soldier that angels are supposed to be. jack is considered an undesirable abomination by heaven and all of the original nephilim were basically culled from existence by the flood as a result of that undesirability, but at the same time he’s still powerful enough to be desired as a weapon and extorted as such. that’s totally not vaguely eugenicist! and like, both cas and jack were conditioned into doing horrible things by heaven, things that have left deep scarring on both their psyches and senses of worth. jack tortured and murdered another subset of undesirables, the nonbelievers, and the worst part is that he only did it because he thought he was making up for Mary. His guilt was extorted and weaponized and only led to more guilt. once he realized what he’d done.

cas was nearly complicit in the apocalypse and wholly the murder of Lily Sunder’s seven-something year old daughter, again bc she was an undesirable abomination much like Jack was . And he was conditioned into that complicity, tortured repeatedly into believing total complicity and faith in The Plan was Good, or not even good, just a vague and abstract version of justification. he declared war and committed genocide on half of his “siblings,” and comrades, because he was a soldier and war is his lifestyle and if he can find any justification for what he does he will do it and he was taught to value the end before examining the means by which he could get to it, because that’s how heavens system works. ironically I’d say it’s fairly close to Christian fundamentalism, but also capitalism and militarism as well.

Like oh hey, you were born into a corrupt system that raised you with no sense of free will, individuality, or personhood, and encouraged blind obedience and justification of everything in the name of some vague absolution? You belong to a specific group of individuals who are deemed undesirable by the system unless you can be extorted for its gain? Why don’t you just join it and perpetuate it with a few inconsequential changes instead of fully dismantling it because it’s corrupt by design!! yay silly spreadsheets !!!!!!

I know spn isnt trying to run heaven as any sort of actual system or commentary on real life systems, believe me i know it’s not good enough to do that, but even if you take away that lens of heaven and just focus on the face value show canon of what it did to Cas and jack.. it’s still so bleak

#I’ve been thinking about this forever #and especially now that I’m watching shiny happy people and seeing how Christian fundamentalism aand #and the way it melds with capitalism too. I’m seeing patterns . I know they aren’t there on purpose but god #spn #supernatural #jack kline #castiel #cas and jack #dadstiel #if I reach a little more I can connect Cas’ lobotomy to the systemic abuse of queer/mentally ill ppl in the past #the undesirables. #it’s just. ugh #spn angels #stuff #like am I crazy here . I’m crazy. im a crazy commie lol #but wow it’s just #Cas and jack both being canonically autistic too.. being undesirable in their own ways.. Do you see what I mean #lily sunder has some regrets #I’m lily sunders number one fan btw . love her