#so I've been having a hard time sleeping and staying awake and my doctor can't find anything so i got assigned to sleep therapy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brighteyedbushybrowed · 8 months

Note

okay I’m hoping this makes sense, the papa witht a s/o that is scared of sleeping, like sleeping makes them super anxious and it’s hard for them to sleep comfortably

It makes sense anon, dw!! I've been in that position before, so I will somewhat be writing from my own experience for these headcanons <3

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐨

Primo gets this completely, and he's incredibly patient and kind

He makes you cups of herbal team to help calm your nerves

Will stay awake with you until you doze off

Stays by your side the whole time so that he's there for you if you wake up in a panic

He'll reassure you and try to help you rationalise anything that's playing on your mind and making you feel anxious

Primo also has a supply of the most comfortable pillows and blankets he keeps in a cupboard for whenever you wish to stay over in his room

If he's particularly worried about you and your lack of sleep, he'll suggest going to the doctor's or a therapist with you to help with your anxiety around sleep

Always has fresh lavender in his room as he knows it can be a very relaxing, calming scent that helps people sleep easier

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨

Also a tea man

As someone who could sleep through a hurricane, Secondo perhaps doesn't understand as much as Primo does

Don't get me wrong, he does understand. Just not to the extent that Primo does because of how heavy he sleeps and having never had difficulty sleeping at night

He does, of course, support you through it and has learned various grounding techniques for when your anxiety starts to spike at bedtime

He keeps a dossette box of sleeping pills in his en suite bathroom for nights where other methods of getting you to sleep don't work, but he only uses these as a last resort when literally nothing else works

Secondo will also stay awake with you until you drift off. He makes sure that he holds you the whole time, even if it results in him sleeping in waht others would consider uncomfortable positions such as sitting up against a headboard

While Primo is a lavender guy, Secondo is a scented candle guy

He gets a shit ton of scented candles of your favourite scents and will light them while you both do your bedtime routine so that you have a calming scent to focus on

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐳𝐨

Terzo is the first person to tell you that you need to talk about your anxiety with a professional

He'll get you in touch with one of the therapists from the Ministry, he'll even pay for you to go to the best therapist in town if you'd prefer not to talk to someone who works in the abbey

He's going to be there with you all the way

He'll help you rationalise your anxious thoughts and worries surrounding going to sleep and even encourages you to keep a sleep diary

He might also encourage you to try and sleep by downloading Pokemon Sleep onto your phones so that it's like you're getting rewarded for sleeping

He's all cuddles and cooing and soothing words if you get upset at the prospect of sleeping

He's going to stay awake as long as possible even after you fall asleep in case you wake up in the night and need him to comfort you

He'll position you so that you're laying on top of him when you sleep, his arms wrapped around you protectively as he softly sings lullabies and songs to remind you that he's there, he's not going anywhere, and he loves you deeply

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐚

You and Copia are kindred spirits in these regards

He's no stranger to fitful nights of tossing and turning, being too scared to fall asleep in case the nightmares return and haunt him once again

Talking you through your own anxiety around sleep is what makes him realise that he needs help too and that he can't be giving you all of this advice if he doesn't take it himself

Will attend therapy with you

Talks about his own experiences and anxiety and fears so that you don't feel like you're going through this on your own

On those nights where neither of you can sleep, he invites Aether for a sleepover so that he can use his quintessence powers to give you both a dreamless sleep for the night

Copia probably has a giant tub full of various herbal teas Primo has given him to help with sleep that he's never used until you came along

You both often have nighttime video game marathons on the nights where you can't sleep and don't want to bother Ather. You both end up waking the next morning with the game over screen flashing at you, game controllers abandoned on the blankets, and your bodies intertwined

#primo #papa emeritus i #secondo #papa emeritus ii #terzo #papa emeritus iii #cardinal copia #papa emeritus iv #primo x reader #papa emeritus i x reader #secondo x reader #papa emeritus ii x reader #terzo x reader #papa emeritus iii x reader #cardinal copia x reader #papa emeritus iv x reader #the band ghost #headcanons #headcanon requests

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gwydionmisha · 7 months

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Personal: For Profit Healthcare and Me

So remember how Peacehealth drove all the independent offices in four specialties out of business, thus forcing everyone to use their clinic, then closed those clinics to force everyone to go to their central clinic two counties to the south? And remember how both the Doctors who were running that clinic made a deal to operate out of a clinic a regional medical conglomerate was opening near the hospital? so instead of me spending all day on a sixty mile each way trek for my treatment I was using the last three months of skeleton crew treatment at old clinic which ended the last Thursday in September? Remember how they said we could all follow our doctors there?

Yeah, about that.

I've been dutifully calling ever two weeks to see if they were letting people schedule appointments yet. They sent out a letter saying they were open. I stayed up Tuesday to get in sorted. it was a whole drama because the automated maze to get to the scheduler was as much of a hassle as Peacehealth's and prone to dropping calls, forcing one to start from scratch each time. so that was frustrating and tine consuming.

Apparently they have no access to our health records, so it was a start from scratch situation. Me, mentally: Shit! This is going to be HOURS. Only it wasn't for all the wrong reasons. They take Medicare, but not Medicare Advantage. So if I want it covered I have to lose most of my benefits including having Medicaid pay my big Medicare copay. O.o. Or I can pay for expensive treatments myself as uninsured.

I was upset, but I remembered superstar medical social worker lady personally calling around town to talk dentists into taking medicare dental coverage for me thus opening up my small city so that medicare patients can now get root canals and crowns instead of learning to live without chewing.

So I still thought it was salvageable. Problem is she's gone and the woman replacing her is a busy supervisor who likes to call me two hours into my sleep cycle without warning and then gets angry at me for not being charming. Previous lady asked when was best to call and would schedule calls in advance for a time when I was able to be awake and functional. it is a lot easier for me to be charming when I wasn't just ripped out of REM sleep and am now being interrogated about something.

New lady is a supervisor and super busy with supervisor things and is made of no and is snippy. I can not make her understand that not only is a 120 mile round trip over mountain passes dealing with the traffic mess along the highway in the major metropolitan area where I once got caught in a four hour traffic jam and couldn't get off to pee, is an entire exhausting day for me and that plus a treatment would not only mean i could do anything useful that day, but the next day to. She can't grasp how much pain is involved in long car trips or how much treatments take out of me. She keeps hard selling me on this and then calling me resistant and recalcitrant like I'm the one being unreasonable for considering this basically insurmountable at my level of disability.

She did not fight the in town clinic for me. She did not try to argue them around.

Her, repeating a suggestion she has made over and over since the closing announcement: You should just get your GP to do it.

Me, explaining for at least the third time because we have this conversation every time we talk: I asked my GP last spring like you asked. They can't do it. It can't be administered by a GP. They'd need to hire a specialist and build new facilities for compounding and for special storage of medication.

Her: Well just ask you GP to give you a different treatment.

Me: There are no other treatments. I have medications to manage symptoms. These treatments are the cure. There is only one cure.

Her: You are being recalcitrant!

Me: There is literally only one cure. No new ones have been invented since last February. The cure is working. I'm getting better. i will get worse again with only symptom management.

But she kept arguing with me because I was being stubborn about facts being facts. My GP can't pull an entire brand new treatment regimen out of her ass. She would not let it go or let me go and I was exhausted because it was hours past when I would normally be asleep at this point and also what was the point of her hard selling me on demanding the imaginary alternative treatment or the 120 mile trip. I ended up giving and and saying something like, "I have to go now," which I know is rude, but we spent this entire conversation with her neither listing not understanding and basically acting like I was the asshole here.

So I'm fucked and I'm frustrated and angry. I was literally at the point where I was going to get better really quickly if I kept doing treatments, but if we stop now I'll be back to square one with it all to do again if another clinic opens.

And it's all like this because Obama and Biden didn't have the balls to stick to their universal free healthy care guns and decided to adopt the capitalist give away Republican health plan in pursuit of bipartisan buy in they did not get, which anyone paying attention told them they could not get, which Mitch McConnell vowed they'd never get as part of the project to make Obama a one term president at all costs. They burned all their political capital on a bullshit give away to insurance companies when they could have taken the same or less of a hit just giving up a developed country level health care system. No fucked up website needed for sign ups. No red tape or copays or catch 22 shit like I'm dealing with now.

#Personal

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herzspalter · 2 years

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I know this is very personal, but would you mind me asking how you were able to get diagnosis and help for your fatigue syndrome? I have trouble doing things that should be easy but I’m always fatigued and have no energy. I didn’t know if you might have any advice. I’m sorry if this is too personal or if I’m prying. I hope that you can rest up and continue to feel better

Hi Lovely Anon!

This is completely fine to ask, I'm just afraid I won't have the best answer;

Basically, I'm tired a lot, but that used to be because I just tended to not take the best care of myself (please get enough sleep folks, it's so not fucking worth it to stay up drawing because "sleep is for the weak", please), and I had been diagnosed with fatigue syndrome a couple years back when I wouldn't feel awake at all for months, and that just went away with time for some reason.

What happened this time is that since January, I've been uncontrollably tired, to the point where I'd fall asleep during active in-person conversations, work i'm excited to do, and while standing up where I almost knocked my head on furniture etc, so because it started to scare me, I went to the doctor.

There, we tested for iron deficiency, low blood pressure etc, but while I had both of these, they're both in the normal low range and shouldn't give me this much grief.

After taking iron supplements anyway for over three months, changing my schedule etc, there was no change, so I got diagnosed with Fatigue Syndrome. This is not a condition or an illness, it's more of an umbrella term used to describe a patient who has severe fatigue where the cause can't be determined or is chronic (I'm shortening it very hard here, but you get the idea)

He suggested going to a sleep lab, which I did, and there, they measured if I have sleep apnea, by measuring my heart, lungs, movement and brain waves. Sleep apnea is, again super basically, a physical cause (if you snore a lot for example, you might have apnea), might be you're not getting enough air when you sleep or your heart skips beats etc.

In my case, nothing came of it, except that I move a lot in my sleep, which is something they can't help me with :')

Right now, they gave me a watch that I have to wear for 2 weeks that, from what I understand, measures my sleep phases, and I have to protocol my mornings and evenings after and before sleep. MAYBE this will help figure something out, but I really don't know.

So in short: I got the diagnosis because I went to a doctor and nobody knows what's wrong with me. Still, I think going to the doctor when the fatigue stays for long isn't a bad idea if it's in your budget/you live in a country that doesn't have shit health care, but I personally wouldn't recommend going to a sleep lab unless you have signs that you might have apnea. It's up to you ofc, but yeah this is a summary of what's been going on this year!

I hope this helps, and I wish you the absolute Best, I hope you can recover soon!! <3

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bottlewoman · 1 year

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So yesterday was fucking weird.

Went back to see my doctor after the ultrasound and he took my blood pressure which was insanely high. Ridiculously high. Dangerously high even.

So he gets on the phone with the OBGYN at a nearish by hospital and sends us there. They take me in and start to monitor me and the baby. My BP is of course fucked, luckily baby's heart rate is normal and apparently babies have ridiculously fast heart rates? Like little hummingbirds.

My bp isn't going down and eventually baby's like, fuck this shit, I want in on it too and their heart rate goes up so now we're both fucky and we stay fucky for too long for the OBGYN's liking and meds aren't bringing my bp down to a satisfactory rate so he's like fuck it, c section time.

They prep me for a c section. Being numbed from my rib cage down to my feet feels weird as fuck. Had a panic attack in the OR, insisted that I couldn't breathe and the nice anesthesiologist tried so hard to calm me down. As an aside, every anesthesiologist I've ever met has been a fucking sweetheart.

They pop the baby out and have to take her away because she had fluid in her lungs which I am told is common for c section babies like this. I guess the whole act of going into labour and having a vaginal birth preps the baby for being outside the womb so they pop out and cry and expel the fluid but sudden c sections catch them off guard so they don't cry and need help to expel the fluid instead.

Anyway, they wrap things up for me, I am kind of out of it still because holy fuck. The trip to the OR for the c section then to recovery was less than an hour and the whole day from ultrasound to recovery was less than 12 hours.

I went from not knowing I was pregnant to having given birth in no time at all holy fucking shit.

We did skin to skin contact this morning. She makes a squeaky snore noise sometimes when she sleeps. And she successfully latched for a lunch time breast feeding.

I think she looks very confused when she's awake, like she can't understand what's going on and baby, I feel the same way.

Dad in law and sister in law are out shopping for new baby essentials for us thank fuck

Mom in law has been in the nursery all night and day. She's looooving this. She loves babies so much.

Fiance had to head home last night after everything because he has a midterm today and he is NOT GOING TO TO FUCK UP HIS EDUCATION SO HELP ME GOD frankly I would kill him. He's put in too much hard work.

But I've been keeping him in the loop and he's heading back up here as soon as possible.

I need to remind him to give the cats their wet food today. It's wet food wednesday.

I've been sitting in bed all day hooked up to monitors and IVs and I can't get out of bed without help.

Minimal pain so that's good. Far too many people have seen me topless or buck ass naked because when you have a baby all sense of privacy go out the window.

Just have to roll with it all I guess, else you go crazy.

#bttlwmn txt #jfc shits weird

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magocracy-for-the-maleficarum · 5 years

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#Also it's been like 35 hours since I've slept now #I took melatonin but all it did was slow my heartbeat to a normal human rate #Which. Actually. I'm wondering if I can do this daily without consequences.#My resting heart rate is normally at 110+ bpm. Which is not good for someone with arrhythmia.#Shit gets dangerous real fast.#But when I take melatonin it goes down to like 85 bpm #And I get real chill.#Still can't fucking sleep. But like - my constant all-consuming tension is gone.#I'll have to ask my doctor about that. If I can just take it to manage my heart rate or not.#God one time I was working out in the gym and my heart rate got to like 190 and the machine shut itself down when I touched the sensor.#It thought I was dying. But no. That's just cardio for me.#RIP my fucked up body. Going twice as hard as everyone else for no fucking reason at all.#While the normal man has a decent heart rate and stays awake for only 16 or so hours at a time #I have a live hummingbird living in my chest and I get double the average wake time.

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orieriee · 2 years

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Writing Random Scenarios Based On a Prompt Generator! (pt. 2)

Author's note: A mini series for some of my fave one piece men just before the new year! Hope you enjoy! This is Law's and Kid's :D

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: fluff, curse words and in Kid's, grammar errors because english isn't my first language and I haven't write in a long time

Gender neutral reader! The prompt generator can be found here

(pt. 1 here ft. Ace, Sabo, and Luffy)

my masterlist

For LAW: [I'll let you guess the prompt first]

"Law, you've been working too much. Come on, it's time for bed." You approached your overworking husband by his table and massaged his stiff shoulders. He's been working all night long finishing the rest of his paperwork. It can't be helped that he has many work to do since he's the top surgeon of the city after all.

Being a doctor is no easy task. Being a surgeon is more harder. And being the spouse of a doctor/surgeon is also hard because that means you have to take care of your overworking husband, who won't rest until all his work is finished. That being said, he is one of a workaholic himself anyway.

"I still have work to do. You can go to bed first." Law didn't even lift up his gaze from the stack of papers he cleaned up as he took another stack to work on. Having a workaholic husband sure is concerning sometimes.

"My love, it's 1 AM. I get lonely a lot before I go to bed because you're not always home. And when you do get home, it's usually when I'm already asleep." You bring your arms forward to hug him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "You also have work tomorrow. Save up your energy for tomorrow, your eyebags are also getting worse. Let's go to bed together ok?"

After a long persuasion and your warm hug, he finally put down his pen and sighed. He always melt under your embrace and your care. You always know when he pushes himself too much and needed a break but could never before all work is done. That's what he really appreciates from you, being able to make him take a break and free him from his pile of stress and to be able to give him the comfort to do so.

"Alright. You win." Law may say that as if he has no other choice but to 'obey' you but his smirk and his soft tone said otherwise.

The nights when he usually can't fall asleep is no longer with you beside him. Your presence calm the storm inside him and allows him to sleep soundly in peaceful nights. He's too tired to even stay awake in your embrace as you shared your warmth to him through the night.

"Good night Law, sweet dreams." you whispered as you kissed his forehead, drifting off to sleep for the next day.

The sound of the ruffling curtains being pulled is enough to wake up Law before being hit by sunlight through the window.

"Sadly you have to go to work again this early morning. Come on, I've prepared breakfast." You gave him a peck of morning kiss as he sat up from the bed.

It has been a long time since he could sleep that well. It's usually him who wakes up earlier than you to get to work and stuff. He could say he overslept on a day like this but he feels refreshed than ever after a good night sleep. See, you never fail to bring him the comfort he needed.

And when it's time to head off to work, Law let you make him a bento to bring in for lunch later. He may be a busy man, but he'll never forget to say thank you for the food. Yeah, he should give you a thanks after the comfort refreshment you gave him.

"Have you forgotten something?" you asked as you looked at him, waiting for him to notice something.

This is the part where he says or rather, expresses his gratitude towards you. He leaned in to your height and closed his eyes for a second before pulling away and dusting off his coat before going off to work.

"Oh, uh… Thanks…" you didn't expect him to kiss you all of the sudden. He's the type that rarely gives this kind of affection so it's always a pleasant surprise that makes you go all red.

"But what I meant is this…" you showed something on your hand and it's his bento you made him earlier that he forgot to take with him.

For EUSTASS KID: [below the cut!]

I'm doing something different with Kid and the prompt is....

Y/N-Kid is a couple in a youtube channel with over a million subscribers that people known as the chaotic duo that looks high but it's just themselves vibing and being chaotic together. [major modern reference]

Y/N : Ok, the camera's on now... Hey ho!!! It's Y/N here!! And I'm here with-

*pans camera to Kid who is sitting in front of a mirror, applying lipstick*

Kid : Hey! Don't show my face yet! My eyeliner's not done yet. *panicking*

Y/N : My boyfriend Eustass Kid!

Kid : HEYY I SAID STOP!!!

(Video got cut off because Kid messed with your camera. The scene cuts to you entering Kid's car.)

Y/N : Ok, so we're doing our daily vlog. Where are we going today?

Kid : TO THE STARB*CKS YEAHHHH *🤟🤟Giving me the punk rocker vibes*

Y/N : YEAHHHHH!!! WE'RE GOING TO GET SOME COFFEEEEE *adrenaline for caffeine*

Kid : YEAHHH WE GOIN' TO GET SOME LIQUOR BABYYY

Y/N : WE'RE GOING TO GET SOME- (puts down the camera angle) wait no, we don't drink liquor, this is a family friendly, content, cut the cameras-

(Scene cuts to Kid ordering his Starbucks order)

Operator : So [your drink of choice] and then a grande with trenti iced coffee, 12 pumps of sugar-free vanilla, 12 pumps of sugar-free hazelnut, 12 pumps of sugar-free]caramel, 5 pumps skinny mocha, a splash of soy, and ice. Is that all? *out of breath but keeping the job professional, struggling to be ok*

Kid : Yeah, and the coffee is to the star on the siren's head, ya hear me?

Operator : *visible sweating* alright, is that all, sir?

Kid : *turns to you* baby, do you want anything else?

Y/N : Nu uh, I'm fine with my own drink, thanks. *looks at him weird, sympathizes the operator for rapping the order*

Kid : alright, that's all.

Y/N : why is your order so long this time??? *utterly confused*

Kid : I like to see them suffer *evil laugh*

Y/N : Ugh you're a devil.

Kid : You mean a hot one?

Y/N : Not as hot as Loki but OK

Kid : Loki isn't a devil, Y/N. He's a god. I thought you were a Marvel fan?

Y/N : I am. But I like spiderman more.

Kid : Spiderman is a part of Marvel, Y/N. Gosh.

(Camera cuts to them drinking starback before Kid drived off.)

Y/N : Well, now we're stuck in a traffic jam. And a lot of fans have been asking us questions on instagram so I thought we might answer some of them.

Kid : Don't pick a dumb question, that's no fun.

Y/N : Kid, if you have teeth coming out your 4nus, would you go see a dentist or a surgeon?

Kid : what kind of question is that?? I'd say the dentist.

Y/N : But(t) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) wouldn't you have to stick up your butt to the dentist?

Kid : ugh, I hate your pun. Well I mean I think so but dentists spealize in teeth so going to the dentist is reasonable.

Y/N : True dat. Ok, moving on. Are you guys dating?

Kid : HAH…. * letting out a big sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose* *whispering* why do you pick this dumb question out of all?

Y/N : I want to hear it from you, come on. *mischievous smirk*

Kid : Well, sorry for crushing your assumption, kid ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but Y/N and I aren't dating. Y/N is actually my mom's… Grandma's second cousin's… First cousin. If you get it yeah.

Y/N : PPFFFTTT QUIT JOKING *bursts off laughing*

KID : YOU'RE JOKING WITH THAT QUESTION SO I'M JUST DOING THE SAME

Y/N : NO I'M NOT *shitting tears of joy* A person legit asked that. See?

*Y/N showed Kid the question*

Kid : Oh wait, fr. Well, yeah, no shit sherlock. We're dating YEAAAAA

Y/N : No, he's my ex-boyfriend actually.

Kid : Eyyy so we playing this game huh?

Y/N : No, I'm serious. *suddenly dead serious expression*

Kid: Babe? W-what? No, you're joking. Come one now~ *his heart dropped a bit there but he won't admit it out loud*

Y/N : No, I'm not joking. *pulling out something from their pocket* Will you be my spouse instead?

Kid: *turns into that universe/milky way meme and the math lady meme*

Y/N : Kid?? Babe??? You gotta say something.

Kid : y-yes?

Y/N : HE SAID YES PEOPLE! WE'RE NOT DATING, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

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headspace-hotel · 2 years

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it's less than two weeks until school starts again. I still feel unprepared and afraid and exhausted.

I've been having nightmares constantly since coming home, and I'm regularly awake until 5 or 6 in the morning because my sleep schedule is so fucked up. I've been trying to work on creative projects but I feel aimless and depressed. Ideas knock around but it's hard to put them together when the future feels so short. I'm motivated, yet not.

I don't know how to wrangle my school's accessibility office. I have been sent the same email like 3 times by the lady i'm supposed to talk to about accommodations, which just contains a copypaste of the list of instructions on the website. I don't know how to get documentation for the accommodations I need in time. I can't see anyone new! It's Christmas break!

I'm supposed to have a letter that tells the school specifically which accommodations I need. But I don't know what I'm going to struggle with before I've encountered it. Is this normal? What can I do?

If i stay home, I'll need someone to prescribe my medications for me. I've been getting them from the person I see at school. I don't have a doctor here anymore and the thought of trying to find one terrifies me so much I want to cry. I have almost never had a doctor be kind to me in the way that I need in my life.

I am tired of emails. I am tired of phone calls. I wish someone in the world had made up their mind to be helpful to someone like me.

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astro-rain · 3 years

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delicate; b.barnes

chapter twelve - “it’s hovercraft time, bucky barnes”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.4k

synopsis: neither bucky nor y/n can sleep... until they do. and the next day brings them an unexpected, but pleasant surprise.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

It was four in the morning when the psychologist and the super soldier got in their respective beds after the nightmare. Y/N laid on her side in the bunk across from Bucky, facing away from him and staring at the wall. Her body wanted to sleep but her mind kept whirring on and on, worrying about him.

It wouldn't be that bad if she could just ignore it. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't wide awake also thinking about how it would be utterly impossible for him to have any eye color other than blue.

She sighed. Christ almighty, just go to sleep.

About twenty minutes passed before she heard it.

"Why are you still up?" he mumbled.

She turned over to her other side, dramatically, staring at his silhouette in the dark.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I'm a trained assassin," he said, as a matter of fact. "I can recognize breath patterns."

"Yeah, well I know for a fact that you aren't even trying to fall back asleep."

"How could you possibly know that?" he repeated her question.

"I just do," she stated before turning on her back and staring straight up.

He scoffed playfully.

"What?" she asked.

Her tone wasn't as playful. It wasn't angry or annoyed; she could never be with him. But, it was void of emotion and her usual sarcastic cadence. She didn't enjoy people reading her like that. She knew he wasn't, but it felt like she was being called out for caring so much. She wanted to rein in her own compassion, but she couldn't help the way he softened her.

"That's just code for 'I'm a trained psychologist and I know how you're gonna react to nightmares.'"

She replied with silence, desperately trying to end the conversation so she could try to sleep and leave this night behind.

"Sorry, did I- did I say something?" he asked.

"No, you're good."

Part of her felt bad for being short with him, but she needed it to be over. She needed to somehow distance herself from her own feelings.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up with the nightmare and messed with you being able to fall back asleep. I know it's... a lot."

He's sorry. He's sorry?

"Don't you dare apologize. It's not your fault, and it's not even why I can't fall back asleep."

"What's the problem then?"

"It's nothing. Just try and get some sleep."

"Yeah... about that..."

"Will you have another?"

"Not sure. I don't wanna find out."

"I know. And I'm sorry. Sleep shouldn't be this menacing, but you should still try anyway. Your body needs it."

"So does yours."

Y/N let out an exasperated sigh. There she went caring again and he kept deflecting. Her frustrations about her own emotions came out in stubborn defiance.

"I'm not sleeping until you do."

"Guess we're both stayin' up then."

"Bucky," she gently admonished.

"Y/N I can't- that... was the worst one I've had in a while."

That was it. Any and all aggravation faded to nothing, and her cheeks were hot with guilt. To hell with it; she refused to leave him to pain. She then got out of her bunk. Carefully, she maneuvered out and kneeled on the floor, facing him. She felt bad; she didn't mean to push him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I should know better."

He mirrored her actions, slipping out of his own bunk and kneeling on the floor in front of her

"It's okay," he didn't miss a beat. His voice was as soft of hers. "Thank you."

He was closer now, so she could see a more detailed outline of him. She never really noticed just how large he was. Just his arm looked as big as her head. He was supposed to look frightening, but... she just couldn't see it.

"If you don't wanna sleep that's okay. I'll stay up with you so you don't have to be alone."

"Y/N..."

"I'm already up, I don't mind," she countered. "Seriously. I'm wide awake now. Honestly, I don't even know if I could fall back asleep if I tried."

"I can't ask you to stay up and babysit just 'cause you feel bad."

She scooted forward, determined not to lose to deflection again. Babysit? and Cause you feel bad? How could he truly think so little of himself?

"I am definitely not babysitting. I just happened to be awake at the same time you are... and not because I feel bad."

He scooted forward a couple inches, squinting, trying to decipher her facial expressions. "I can't tell if you're joking or not just from your tone of voice."

In the very back of her head it returned: that hazy enchantment feeling that swelled from her lungs through her brain stem every time she was this close to him. It is important to note - it was in the very back of her brain, and if you ignore something long enough, you can convince yourself it's not there.

"James Buchanan, I am awake and there's not a thing you can do about it."

"Alright," he sighed. "I don't know if you're expecting some kind of entertainment, but I can't really juggle with one arm..."

"I can't juggle with two."

"Ever been to the circus?"

"No."

He laughed. "Oh man, you're missin' out."

"No, I got the clown right here."

"Wow, is that how it is?"

"Depends. You got face paint and a rainbow wig?"

"Smartass."

The air was quiet after their breathy laughs fizzled out. A few moments of awkwardness quietly passed, both unsure of what to say next.

"You know when you're in the dark, your pupils dilate to take in as much light as they can in order to see better?" Y/N asked.

"I think I knew that? I'm not sure, I might've heard it somewhere. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I can't see your face super well, so it made me think of it. I can barely even see your eyes."

"Maybe that's better," he chuckled. "I don't know if they're still blood shot from earlier."

"Like I'd care."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"What?"

"Why wouldn't you care? I feel like seeing someone's puffy face and post-cry eyes would be kinda gross."

"You really think I care if your eyes are red or puffy?" she questioned. "Buck, I know I'm probably not supposed to say this because technically I'm your doctor, but I honestly consider you a really good friend. I'd be more worried to see that you've been crying than be aversive to it."

He scoffed in honest disbelief.

"What?"

"I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you think that way about me..."

"What do you mean?"

"...the person I am, the things I've done, the..." he shook his head, "the horrors I've committed..."

"The horrors you've committed are not who you are. I know you see yourself in a lot of different ways because it's hard to un-learn what other people have decided you are: a monster, a ghost, an asset, a machine, an assassin, a weapon, whatever. But have you ever considered that you're just human after all? You're a man who got dealt a shit hand in life. But there is still light in him... light that never left, no matter how hard they tried to beat it out of you. You're a survivor, Buck."

Bucky took a deep breath in, contemplating, before turning and laying on his back. They both remained on the floor, Y/N kneeling a few inches away from the side of Bucky's supine figure. He stared straight up at the ceiling.

"Sometimes I think I'm a better 'ghost' than I am a human being. My mind's a mess, and even though I'm trying, I still can't help but feel like I've lost who I am."

"You haven't lost who you are. You're just different now, and that's okay."

He looked up at her. "How do you always know what to say?"

"I know everything."

Y/N smiled, following Bucky's laugh, allowing the somber atmosphere to lighten up a bit. They so easily slipped in and out of the therapy dynamic, but now it seemed more like a heartfelt conversation between friends rather than treatment between doctor and patient.

"I consider you a really good friend too by the way - closest one I've had since Steve."

"Wow, really? That's an honor."

"Not really," he chuckled. "Steve's a punk."

And there she went laughing again. In one way or another she always found herself laughing around him.

However, she found it more confusing than funny when she woke up the following morning to find herself sitting on the floor, leaning against one of the beds with Bucky's head in her lap. She found her hands resting on his head protectively, fingers slightly carded through his long hair. She woke up before him... That's a first.

Y/N looked down at him. He was fast asleep; he looked peaceful and so relaxed. It was such a rare state to see him in, so she gave herself a few more seconds to study how his face looked when it was completely tranquil before she smoothed her hand along the back of his head and replaced her lap with a pillow.

"Hey," a raspy voice called out.

Y/N turned around from her seat at the table, hands still wrapped around the cup of tea she made herself a few minutes prior.

Bucky was awake, sitting up, but still in his previous spot on the floor.

"Hey. You want some tea?"

He stood up, nodding and stretching his back. "Did I fall back asleep?"

"You did," she smiled. "I'm pleased. I told you you needed the rest."

He seemed pleasantly surprised. "And on the floor too. Very classy."

She raised her mug to him, as if to make a toast. "Classiest man I know."

He laughed before grabbing the kettle and realizing it was empty.

"Shoot. We're outta water."

"It's alright. We know where to find the waterfall. You want to go get more?"

"Mm hm."

"Alright, I'll just finish my tea and go out in a few minutes."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm coming too."

"You sure? You just woke up. You can take some time to just relax if you want."

"No. I'm going."

"Stubborn. I can go myself, you know. I know the way."

"Would you let me go by myself?"

Y/N was silent for a moment before sighing.

"Get your shoes."

"You know, there was really no reason to almost push me into the water," Bucky commented as they were making their way back to the shelter after restocking their water supply.

"I wasn't actually going to!"

"You might as well have! My life flashed before my eyes!"

"Bet that took forever. You wanna backtrack? I can do it for real this time."

"I'm throwin' you in next time."

"You couldn't throw me," she challenged.

"Like a football," he countered, smirking.

"I don't wanna test that theory."

Their banter continued as they continued walking, making sure they were in the tree line and not out in the open. Bucky was always cautious. He was able to laugh with her while still making sure they were safe. That was until his arm was suddenly around the front of her shoulders, and holding her against his chest as his back was flush against a tree, effectively hiding them both from sight. She just stared forward, barely registering how fast he swiveled both of them around.

"There's someone at the bunker. I'm sorry- didn't want us to be seen."

He removed his arm, but her feet were stuck. She had never been close to him like this before; she didn't know what to think of it. She stepped forward a bit, breaking the contact but still facing away from him. She was hyperaware of their proximity but that quickly dissipated as she registered what he said.

"What did you see?"

"There were a couple people, but I didn't get a great look 'cause I moved out of sight fast. One woman, two men? I think."

His tone and demeanor reminded her of that day Shuri told them they had to go in hiding. He was so calm and collected. She forgot situations like these were practically muscle memory to him.

"Do you think someone found us? What were they doing?"

"I only saw 'em for a second, I'm not sure. Stay still, I'm gonna look."

As soon as his head peaked around the tree, so did Y/N's, ignoring his order.

"Wait, I think that's Shuri."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. I don't know if I'd bet my life on it."

"What's that other thing?"

"The hovercraft?"

"Hovercraft? God, I love this place."

"Wait, see the crest on the hovercraft - that's the one only Shuri can unlock."

"Alright, just... stay behind me. Okay?"

"Okay."

The two slowly made their way towards the three Wakandans. Y/N actually listened this time and stayed behind Bucky. As soon as they were in sight, Shuri came running up to them.

"Y/N!" she exclaimed, immediately throwing herself into the psychologist, embracing her.

She was startled at first, arms awkwardly hanging by her sides before her brain finally caught up to her and she brought her arms up lightly, returning the hug.

"Shuri! What happened?"

"We won!" Shuri grinned. "It's a long and complicated story, but the rightful King never died. My brother has reclaimed his place on the throne. Wakanda is ours once again!"

A monumental weight was lifted from Y/N's shoulders. She sighed in relief, knowing she was no longer in danger, knowing Bucky was no longer in danger.

"That's incredible. I'm so glad everything's okay, and I'm so glad to see you."

"I'm glad to see you too, my partner," Shuri hugged her once more before addressing Bucky. "Sergeant Barnes. I'm sorry for all the trouble. I hope everything was alright?"

"We've been getting along just fine," he nodded. "Thank you."

Shuri called over the two other men - royal guards that came with her - before turning back to Y/N and Bucky.

"You've been camped out here in hiding long enough. Let us go home."

As they walked behind the Wakandan princess, Y/N nudged Bucky with her elbow.

"It's hovercraft time, Bucky Barnes," she managed to say through a face numbing smile.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance

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rattyoakenbitch · 3 years

Text

❝𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠❞ ─ 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐦

after all this time, i start asking why i'm staying

were you ever mine?

are we something that's worth saving?

❥ content ; gn reader, eventual fluff, angst, happy ending

❥ warnings ; cursing, themes of cheating

❥ synopsis ; you're will's s/o. when he comes home from work, you can tell he's off. what you didn't expect was him to kick you out.

❥ a/n ; none!

"Will?"

You call out after hearing the front door to your house open and shut. When you don't get a response, you get up from your laying position on the couch and approach the front door.

There, Will stood. His back was turned to you as he hung up his coat, and although you could not see his face, you could immediately tell he was off. Even the energy around him felt dark and tense.

"Oh, hey, hun.." You said anxiously, trying not to set him off in any way.

Will didn't react to your voice. Instead, he backed away from the clothing rack and walked past you, not even bothering to spare you a look. This wasn't the first time Will acted out like this, especially considering he was exhausted all the time from the work Crawford gave him. But he would at least greet you soon as he walked through the door, not flat out treat you as if you didn't exist.

"Will," you sighed dejectedly, more to yourself than to your boyfriend. You quietly followed him upstairs to the master bedroom, where he began to strip off his work clothes, changing into something more comfortable. Still, he ignored your presence. You had to make another move.

You slowly approached him from behind, placing your hands on his shoulders. You were immediately taken back when he forcefully removed himself from your touch and walked away to another corner of the room.

"Will, I just-"

"What?" he scoffed mockingly, "You just want to help?"

"You're my boyfriend, Will, of course I want to!"

He laughed.

"It certainly doesn't help when you breathe down my neck every fucking minute."

Tears pricked in your eyes, Will's vicious tone scaring you. You searched Will's own eyes, trying to find any trace of remorse or regret. He had none. You didn't even know who you were looking at.

"What are you talking about, Will? When you want space, I give you space. When you want love, I give you love! What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave."

And then it was quiet for a moment. You both stood there silently, feet away from each other, eyes burning holes into the others.

"..What?" You stared in disbelief. "Wh- What are you saying right now, Will?"

"I want you to leave. I want you gone, Y/N. I don't need you anymore."

"No," you bit your quivering lips, hot tears spilling down your cheeks. Will averted his stare from your crying form, the floor suddenly becoming more interesting.

"No, you're lying. You're just saying that. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me."

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Lies. "It's best if you just leave."

You choked on a sob. "What?! Where is this coming from all of a sudden? We were okay just the other day!"

Will remained silent, still not daring to make eye contact with you.

"Is there someone else?"

"I- No, Y/N. I don't owe you an explanation."

"So this is it, then? You're just gonna kick me out?"

"Please, Y/N. Don't make this harder than it already is."

"This is hard for you?! You're not the one getting kicked out!"

Will sighed, somehow managing to remain calm while you screamed at him.

"I'm sorry." And the conversation ended there.

You began to pack your bags. You also phoned a friend, asking them if you could crash for a bit until you had a stable job and a home. You were not about to sleep on the sofa tonight.

You opened and slammed drawers, taking your anger out on furniture as you took your belongings with you. You also did it to spite Will, who attempted to get some sleep. But he did not complain. He continued to act as if you didn't exist.

It made you wonder. Where did it all go wrong? How long has he thought about leaving you? Was there another person?

Will wouldn't answer your questions. At this point, you didn't wanna know.

You were able to finish packing up within an hour. Will was still wide awake during that time, listening closely to the angry banging of furniture, quiet sniffles and shaky inhales as you tried the best you could to keep your composure.

You loaded all your bags into your car, getting ready to head to your friend's place. You went back inside to get a couple more things and look around the house a final time. You stopped by the front door as you were about to leave, your eyes landing on a picture on the windowsill of you and Will. Your already tired, red eyes welled with tears again. You opened up the frame, sliding the picture out and folding it into your pocket. Not like Will would want it in his house anyway.

And so you left.

You didn't say your goodbyes. You just left.

A week had gone by. Will carried on with his job as usual, attended his therapy sessions, but he never once mentioned you. Not a lot of people knew about you and Will's relationship, or what was once a relationship. Since his coworkers already knew so much, or what Will deemed to be enough information about him, he wanted to keep your relationship secret. Not that you minded.

The only person who knew of your relationship was Alana Bloom and Jack Crawford, but even when it ended, he didn't tell them anything. He didn't tell them how guilty he felt the night he kicked you out. He didn't tell them he still had nightmares about you being harmed. He didn't tell them how he was the one harming you in his nightmares. He didn't tell them how empty he felt when you blocked his number and social medias (ok sorry but like little headcanon here?? will has an instagram and it's just pictures of him fishing / or of his dogs fnsmdnskdjsk).

He never told them how he tried not to stay in his house as often, because it reminded him of you.

He was definitely acting strange at work. It was easy to tell. Even Bev pulled him aside to inquire about his health. But he continued to keep his mouth shut, until he couldn't.

Will rushed to the front door when he heard little taps on the metal screen. Secretly, he hoped it would be you. But when he opened it, there stood Alana Bloom. Will always thought Alana was beautiful. But how could anyone disagree?

Her long, dark waves that framed her perfect, slim face were never unchecked and unkempt. Makeup or none, preppy work uniforms or pajamas, she always seemed to look her best.

You even found yourself feeling small and insecure when Will invited her over for you to meet. But he assured you that she could never even compare to you. You believed it.

Alana's thin lips curled up into a soft smile. "Will. Can I come in?"

"Y-Yeah, sure." He let her in and she walked through the front door for the first time in forever.

"Jeez," she chuckled. "How long as it been?"

"Maybe too long," Will simply replied.

Alana walked around the house, scanning every detail while Will patiently trailed behind her. The dogs were playing outside, so it was just the two of them.

"Why did you decide to come over today?"

"I've been worried about you." She turned around to face Will, who stopped a few feet in front of her. "But now that I'm here in your house, I can see why you've been acting off."

"What's your diagnosis, Doctor?" Will joked, an attempt at lightening the tense air.

"Y/N. They left, haven't they?"

There it is.

Technically, Alana wasn't wrong. You did leave, but Will never clarified in what circumstance.

Will looked at the ground.

"Yeah.. Took all the photos too."

"Hey," Alana began, her finger resting under Will's chin, prompting him to look up at her. "You don't have to hide from me."

A week had gone by. A long, lonely, miserable week. You crashed at your friend's for two nights before your parents invited you to live with them while you worked on getting back on your feet. They didn't live too far, so you thanked your friend for their hospitality and moved in with your parents.

As you finished unpacking your stuff, you realized you were missing some things. You cursed at the realization you would probably have to pick up some stuff from Will's.

You still had the key, so you would have no problem getting in, unless he had the lock changed of course. You were only worried about running into him.

What the hell?

You got dressed. You didn't wear anything fancy, but in case you ran into Will, you felt obligated to look presentable and show him that you could still make it without him. You decided on doing a bit of makeup. Again, nothing fancy. Just enough to conceal the dark circles under your eyes and make your features pop.

And then you headed on the dreadful drive to Will's place.

When you got there, you were too nervous and too focused on making the trip quick to even notice Alana's car in his driveway.

However, what did catch your attention, were the many dogs Will owned. They ran up to you as soon as they recognized you. They panted as they jumped and wagged their tails, expressing their happiness the most they could. You tried your best to pet them all, your mouth lifting up into a smile. You didn't realize it but you really missed the dogs.

You dug around for the key in your pocket and pulled it out, quietly unlocking the front door and letting yourself in.

"You don't have the hide from me.."

Your eyebrows furrowed together at the sound of a female voice.

When you walked into the living room, you were horrified to see Will with another woman. Alana.

Their lips were locked, engaging in a passionate kiss, not even noticing your presence. You felt sick as you put the pieces together.

"Now I know why you kicked me out," you whispered, half to yourself and half to Will, who almost about pushed Alana off him at the sound of your voice.

Both their cheeks heated up in embarrassment when their eyes fell on you.

"Y/N! I'm so sorry, I thought-"

"Look, I only came to pick up some stuff. Then I'll be out of your way." You didn't once look away from Will, deciding to totally disregard Alana's presence and apologetic mutters.

With that, you rushed out of the living room and into your bedroom, searching under the bed and in the closet for your missing items.

You heard faint talking from the living room but tuned out most of it, deciding it wasn't worth your time or even your business in the first place. Then you heard the front door shut and a car start from outside.

Before you could process what might've happened, you heard Will's footsteps stop outside the bedroom.

"Y/N, we should talk."

"No, we shouldn't."

"You blocked my number."

"What good would it do if I kept it?"

"Please, hear me out."

Disgruntled, you turned to face Will, sending a cold glare his way.

"Look, unless you found a way to make a time machine and give me back the time I wasted on you, I don't want to speak with you."

"Why won't you just listen to me?!" he snapped.

You scoffed, "Well surprise, douchebag, I have feelings and you hurt them!"

"Well, I'm sorry, alright?" he calmed down now.

"Are you? Really?" You shook your head. "A sorry won't fix this, Will. Not after what you did. Gods- I can't even look at you right now."

You laughed. "You know what fucking sucks? After all you did, after the cheating and the lies, I'm still in love with you."

Will teared up. "I was never with Alana, Y/N. It's always been you."

"Then, why, Will? Why did you throw me out so coldly like that?"

"I began to have dreams, Y/N. Nightmares," Will admitted, his voice beginning to break. "Nightmares about people hurting you. Criminals. It was too real. As much as I loved- As much as I love you, I never wanted you to choose me. I don't want people using you as a weapon against me. To hurt me."

You slowly walked towards Will, stopping a foot away from him. You looked up into his glossy bambi eyes as he spoke.

"It was when the nightmares got worse, when I was the one hurting you, that I realized you weren't safe with me."

You cried. "Oh, Will. I wish you had told me."

"I couldn't. I didn't want you to remember me that way."

You laughed. "Well, I ended up remembering you as the asshole who kicked me out, instead."

Will managed to give you a smile through his tears.

He brought his hand to your shoulder, and gently lead it up your neck to the side of your face, cupping it lightly and brushing his thumb across your cheek.

"I would never hurt you, Y/N."

"I know. I know, Will. You aren't a monster for having nightmares you can't control." You brought your own hand up and placed it against Will's, leaning into his warm touch. "I'm still here. I'm alive. In your hands. And I feel safe with you."

Almost hesitantly, Will leaned in, connecting his lips to yours. His body felt tense, but when you kissed him back, you felt his worries disappear into the air.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

"Stay with me tonight?"

#will graham x reader #will graham fluff #will graham angst #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal tv show #hannibal gifs #will graham gifs #will graham oneshot #will graham imagines #rattyoakenbitch #alana bloom #angsty #hannibal fandom #hannibal fanfiction #beach bunny #lyric prompts

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blueeyedheizer · 4 years

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All Over Again - Matt (part 1)

WARNINGS: mention of a car accident, memory loss

A/N: Here it is ! The first part to my 3 or 4 parts fic. :) I know this trope is far from being original but I wanted to give it a go. Also this was originally supposed to be a one shot but the more I was writing, the more I got ideas so I decided to split it into a multiple part fics. let me know what you think xx

----

Matt was supposed to have been home from practice 2 hours ago. It was almost midnight and you were worried sick, pacing around the house and looking out the window every two minutes. You didn't think much of it at first and figured he had stayed in the studio a little longer to work on more songs, but after an hour you began to worry. You had tried calling his bandmates, but according to them he had left practice on time with everyone else.

“Did he seem upset during practice?” You questioned through the phone, biting your nails anxiously.

"It was a hard day, yeah. He kept on messing up his parts and was a bit more irritable than usual." James explains. You let out a deep, shaky sigh, one hand coming up to rest on your forehead and closing your eyes as you tried to keep your composure.

"Look James I, um- i'm sorry to bother you with this but Alex won't answer the phone either, do you think they might have gone to a pub together or something?"

"Alex went straight to his girlfriend's after practice. I'm sorry love, I really don't know about Matt. But don't worry about it too much, yeah? I'm sure he's fine. You know how he can be sometimes." you nod your head repeatedly, allowing a tear to slide down your cheek.

"Okay, yeah. Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks anyway James." you croak out before saying goodbye and ending the call. You had thought of calling Javed, but you knew it was already late and there was no way his dad would've let Matt in at such an hour. Your heart was beating insanely fast inside your chest and you were feeling like you could break down at any moment, the worst thoughts occupying your mind.

You eventually decided to lay down on the couch and play your favorite movie to try and get rid of the nagging voice in your head. Maybe he just went on a walk to clear his mind and stopped by a pub nearby. He might have met up with some friends there, which would explain why he was so late.

After a little while you heard the sound of the front door open. You immediately shot up, running over the door as Matt walked in. He didn't seem hurt at all, which was relieving. But you were still upset.

"Where the hell have you been?! Do you have any idea what time it is?!" he doesn't say anything and walks straight past you. "Matt, what's going on?!" you call after him as he makes his way to your shared bedroom.

"Why aren't you in bed?" he says coldly, completely ignoring your previous questions

"Because it's fucking midnight and my boyfriend who was supposed to be home two hours ago didn't show any sign of life until now!" you say and he scoffs. "I was worried sick, Matt!"

"I don't have a curfew to be home, Y/N. I've already had a shit day so if you could just fuck off and stop giving me unnecessary lectures I would appreciate it." you open your mouth to speak but close it again. You genuinely didn't know what to say anymore.

"Fine. Maybe I should leave and go have fun on my own somewhere then, since we don't have a curfew."

"Yeah, good. Leave. Maybe I'll finally get some peace and quiet." he spat.

With that, you turn around and walk out, grabbing your coat and car keys on your way. You storm out the front door, slamming it back close behind you and run straight to your car, silent tears leaving your eyes as you do.

You weren't sure how it happened.

Tears were blurring your vision as you drove to your best friend’s. You knew that she would gladly let you in, no matter what time of night you showed up, plus she wasn't the type to go to sleep early. You hated driving at night, but you needed to get some fresh air, you needed to get away from Matt.

You eventually began to regret your decision of leaving as the fog covered your vision more than it already was with your tears. But it was too late to come back, and you still weren't ready to face him after what had just happened. He wanted to be alone, then he was going to get his alone time. Your hand gripped the wheel tightly as you wiped your cheeks and eyes furiously, but no matter how hard you tried to calm down and focus on the road, the tears would come back and blur your vision.

And before you had the chance to react to what was coming in front of you, you felt a violent collision, and your world went black.

Matt knew something was wrong the moment his dad burst into his room in a panic the next morning.

"Dad?! What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?!" he yelled.

It was barely 7am when he got a call from the hospital letting him know that you had been taken there after a car accident. He was in shock, barely able to let any words out. You were like a daughter to him, so the news were hard to swallow. All he did since he burst into the room was to blurt out your name along with barely coherent words between breathless pants.

"Dad? What is it? What's wrong with Y/N?!" Matt said, immediately jumping out of bed. He grabbed his clothes and put them on quickly, waiting for an answer.

"She got– she in an accident last night. It's bad." he managed to get out.

Matt's heart stopped beating for a moment as he tried to comprehend what he was being told. Everything around him seemed to have stopped as the events from yesterday flashed through his mind. He stared at his dad, speechless, his face suddenly draining of all color as his eyes filled with tears. He was suddenly hit by a wave of guilt and he felt the whole air being knocked out of him. His heartbeat picked up and the room soon felt too suffocating. He couldn't breathe, the room was spinning, his ears ringing.

His dad grabbed his face with both hands to keep him grounded him then pat his cheek slightly.

"Come on now, we have to go. She needs you, son." He said, keeping a steady gaze on him. Matt snapped out of his daze and stormed out of the room, his dad following closely. He grabbed the car keys on his way and they both headed to the hospital in a hurry. Of course Matt’s dad insisted on driving, knowing that his son was in no way able to focus on the road in this state.

By the time they got there, Matt's eyes and face were bright red from how much he had been crying. He was out the door before the car even came to a complete stop, rushing into the emergency section of the building.

He burst through the front doors and begun looking around, trying to find a nurse, a doctor or anyone that could tell him about your condition. A nurse came out of one of the many rooms and he rushed towards her, tears still streaming down his cheeks as he asked where you were.

"Could you tell me her name again?" she asked, gently placing a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. He nodded and repeated, trying to keep it together. The nurse lead him to the reception, searched through her papers then looked up after a few seconds.

"She's in surgery right now so I can’t let you go see her just yet. We're doing the best we can to keep her alive, but from what I know she got into a pretty bad accident, and this kind of surgery requires hours and hours of work." she continues and he nods, trying not to completely break down in front of her. She gives him more details about the surgery before leading him to the waiting room where your family and some friends of yours were waiting.

three days later.

''It's been over half an an hour...'' Matt finally spoke up, breaking the silence as he paced anxiously around the waiting room. "Someone should be able to tell us something by now.''

''I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, Matt." Javed answered softly in an attempt to comfort both himself and Matt. Matt sighed and nodded before he finally sat down in the space between James and Javed. No one was speaking. Everyone avoided eye contact, too busy being lost in their own thoughts, moving their legs anxiously. Matt however couldn't stay still, but no one could blame him. He had been staying with you every day since you got there, even though you weren't awake, and now that they finally had some news they wouldn't let him see you. Family first.

He fidgeted and bit his lips nervously, the worst thoughts constantly occupying his mind. He buried his face in his hands, more tears falling down his face. Needless to say, no one had ever seen him like this before. He looked extremely tired and sleep-deprived, and the guilt was eating him alive. Javed placed a comforting hand on his back.

"You need to stop blaming yourself, Matt. This is not your fault." he says. "She’s going to be okay."

“It is my fault, J. If I hadn’t come home so late and told her to leave...—” he chokes, opening his mouth before closing it again. "She went out because of me. She's here because of me. If she had died—" he starts, but James interrupts him.

"But she's alive, mate. That's all that matters right now. You can't take back what you said or did, but you still have time with her to make it up."

As he was about to stand up and start pacing around again, Matt's head shot up at the sound of footsteps coming towards the waiting room. In a matter of seconds he was on his feet and your mom was at the door with a small forced smile and wet cheeks, a nurse standing beside her.

''Miss Y/L/N is awake.'' the nurse said. "You can see her, but you all should know that she's showing signs of amnesia." everyone's face dropped as they took in the information. "We do not know whether it is permanent or temporary. She remembers her mother and her name but couldn't tell us today's date, whether it is day, month or year. I just want you all to be prepared in case she has a hard time remembering any of you, which could be a possibility." Everyone in the room nodded then started hugging each other to express a deep relief along with sorrow. After three days of constant fear and sleepless nights, you were awake. But then, there was the possibility of you not remembering them. Matt hugged your mom tightly before they all followed the nurse into your room. His heart started racing as he thought about all the things he wanted to say to you. He didn't think apologies would be enough.

He finally snapped out of his thoughts when he reached the door to your room, his heart aching at the sight of his girlfriend laying on a hospital bed.

You were slightly startled when the door to your room opened again, your nurse walking in along with a bunch of people you couldn't quite recognise as you struggled to keep your eyes open. Your entire body felt numb. You tried to sit further up, but your were immediately stopped by a striking pain coming from your ribs. You lifted your hand in an attempt to scratch your head but you were surprised to feel a bandage under your fingertips and see one wrapped around your wrist. Confused, you realized the upper part of your body was bandaged, but you couldn’t quite figure out why.

"Hello again, Y/N." your nurse smiled "Some people are here to see you. Could you tell me if you recognise any of them?"

Vision still blurry, you frowned and attempted to turn your head to the right. You let out a small groan, the movement triggering an ache.

"Take your time, there is no rush." the nurse says.

Then someone took a seat next to you and grabbed a hold of your hand that wasn't bandaged. You eventually managed to take a proper look at your surroundings, looking around yourself. Your mom was there, along with Javed.

"Um...well, there's mom again. And Javed." you spoke weakly. A small smile curved your lips when you saw him. You two had been friends since 6th grade. You then looked at the two boys behind him. "I don't think I know you." you spoke with a frown." James and Alex's faces dropped a little, but they were kind of expecting it. You weren't as close with them as you were with Javed, so you had fewer memories of them and more forgettable ones.

Then you met the other boy's eyes, the one sitting beside you.

You said nothing while staring at him before realising that he was holding onto your hand which you slowly pried away from him. Your brows furrowed as you looked at him. His nose, his hair, his lips. Then his eyes. You looked into them, trying to find any form of familiarity, but there was none. Why was he holding your hand?

"Y/N?" he says, his voice weak. You could tell he was fighting back tears. You frowned again, lips parting in confusion. You gave your mom a worried glance before looking back at him.

"I...I'm sorry but, am I supposed to know you?"

#blueeyeddean #matt

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opheliasbrokenmind · 4 years

Note

Hey pal! I've got a request for you :) How about Mahone having a concussion and has to stay in hospital for weeks and company's not happy with this and force him into field again and he gets hurt again bc he can't concentrate and all :') I hope everyhting's alright with you

i just realised how much i’ve missed writing for him <3

‘Has anyone heard from Agent Mahone?’ Wheeler asked the office and you watched the people shaking their heads. It’s been three days since he disappeared and you found yourself at the FBI building, looking for him. ‘Do you know him?’ A woman with a sharp suit appeared in front of you and you frowned, ‘Yes, I do. I thought he could be here since he works late.’

‘And who are you supposed to be?’ She sounded harsh so you didn’t soften your face as you answered, ‘A close friend, and you are?’ You hoped the emphasis on the word would ring a bell and when she replied, you knew she got the message. ‘His colleague.’ You forced a smile and nodded, ‘Nice to meet you, Miss?’

‘Lang.’ She said and walked away, you stood alone and looked at the other man, ‘Thank you for asking people.’ The agent simply nodded and you left the building, thinking of a way to find him. Then your phone started to ring and you picked it immediately, ‘Alex?’

‘Good afternoon, Miss y/n.’ You looked at the screen and read his name again, then you frowned. ‘Who is this? Where’s Alex?’

‘Don’t panic, I’m calling from the Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Mr Mahone had an accident.’ You froze on the street and leaned to a wall, trying to stay calm but your heart was beating madly. ‘Is he alright?’ You managed to say and the woman on the other side sighed, ‘He will be. He was saying your name in his sleep so I thought I could call you.’

‘I’ll be there as soon as possible.’ You said and she ended the call. Your hands were shaking when you finally found a taxi and thanks to the traffic, you were there in twenty minutes. Time seemed to slow down though, every single minute pained you until you walked into the hospital.

‘Hello, can you tell me which room Alexander Mahone is staying?’ The secretary searched his name and turned to you, ‘Are you his wife, Pamela?’ The name pissed you off but you just shook your head, ‘They divorced. I’m his... friend.’ The girl smiled softly, ‘I see. We tried to reach her but she said she wasn’t living here anymore. His room number is 407.’

Once you found the room, a doctor was leaving but you ran after him. ‘Doctor, wait!’ The man turned to you and waited, ‘I’m here for Alex. Can you tell me what happened?’ He nodded, ‘All we know is he had a concussion but we’re not sure what caused it. It can be an accident or a fight, I’m not sure.’

‘What would you say?’ You asked and the man sighed, ‘Considering his line of work, I’d say a fight but that’s just a guess. Mr Mahone is a strong man so he will recover but it’s going to take time. We have to be sure he’s resting and your presence will be helpful.’ You listened carefully and asked once he was done, ‘Is there anything I can do now?’

‘Talk to him. He probably can’t answer but he’ll hear you. Let him know you’re here for him. If anything happens, ask for a nurse.’ Then he left and you stood at the corridor, trying to convince yourself that he’ll heal soon.

You opened the door and the scene in front of you hurt your whole body. The agent was lying unconscious on the bed, there was a bandage around his head and he looked so pale. Then there were cables on his body and machines beeping loudly. You forced yourself to close the door and walk to the armchair next to him before you let a tear fall down.

It took you a few minutes to gather up, then you reached his hand and it felt cold compared to your warm one. ‘Hi, it’s me, y/n.’ You said and waited for a reaction but he didn’t move a finger so you continued. ‘I called you a few times but you didn’t answer. I thought you were on a mission or maybe you wanted to have some space, that you’d let me know soon. I went to the Bureau today and asked Agent Wheeler but he said nobody heard from you. Then a nurse called me from your phone, said you were saying my name.’

‘You scared me so much, Alex. I’m still afraid, the doctor said you’ll be fine but I just can’t help but fear... Don’t you ever leave me, okay?’ You sighed and played with his fingers, ‘Agent Lang asked me who I was and I told I’m your friend. Well, I think we are more than that, I mean you’re more than a friend to me but I wasn’t sure if you wanted people to know so I didn’t say anything more. I didn’t want to put you in a difficult position.’

‘Oh, I always talk and now I can talk as much as I want but I hate it. I don’t want to talk, I want to hear you talking. I want to see your eyes, the blues filled with energy and watch them.’ Then you didn’t know what to say, it felt like nothing you could say would change the situation so you stayed silent. You watched his chest moving as he breathed and you focused on the fact that he was alive and you were by his side. Otherwise, you knew you wouldn’t hold your tears.

Doctors and nurses came and left, informing you everything looked fine. When it was almost three in the morning, you got up from the armchair and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek, ‘Good night, Alex.’

You woke up at eight and went to grab a cup of coffee, ‘Maybe the smell of coffee can wake you up, huh?’ You smiled to yourself and sipped your drink, admiring him. ‘I realise how beautiful you are now, you know? I wish I could remember every detail of your face. I also feel stupid, because I should’ve told you this earlier. Now I’m not even sure if you can hear me but just know that... you mean a lot to me and I don’t know what I’ll do if anything happens to you.’

Your hand found his fingers once again and you pressed your lips on his hand, ‘I know things with Pam have been hard and I want to be by your side as long as I can.’ He squeezed your hand weakly and your eyes widened with shock, ‘Can you hear me? Wait, I’ll call the nurse.’

‘I swear, he squeezed my hand.’ You explained to the woman and held his hand again, ‘Alex, can you hear me?’ The nurse waited but nothing happened. ‘I don’t want to upset you but that was probably a reflex.’ She gave you a weak smile and left, you sighed and rested on the armchair.

‘I avoided to answer before but yes, I used to play the piano. I wanted to be a pianist but then... I broke my wrist and it still hurts if I push the limits. Then I decided to study Art History and you know I’ll teach at the university next semester.’

‘I like to admire those paintings and they remind me of you. I know you think you’re a bit old for me but... I don’t believe it’s about ages, what’s important is understanding the other person and I’m trying to understand you. Every time I tell you something, I feel like you care about it and I like this about you, so much.’

‘I like hearing your voice.’ He whispered suddenly and you grabbed his hand, intertwinning your fingers, ‘You are awake! Wait, let me call the doctor.’ You tried to get up but he stopped you, ‘y/n, I need to talk to you first.’

‘There are some people and they know what happened to Shales. What I did to him... They want me to catch the Fox River escapees and I’m here because I had a little argument with one of them.’ Your jaw dropped as you listened to him, ‘Are you serious? Do you want me to call the police or the Bureau?’

‘No, they can’t help and if they find out about Shales, they’d send me to prison without blinking an eye.’ He watched you carefully and you sighed, ‘We’ll talk about this later, okay? What matters now is your recovery and I’m going to take the doctor now.’

The same doctor checked him and said everything was normal, ‘You need to rest at least one week to heal, otherwise, it can leave permanent damage. How do you feel now?’

‘I don’t feel bad.’ He said and the doctor smiled to you, ‘You see, now you can worry less.’ Then he left the room and you felt your cheeks getting hotter as Alex watched you with a sincere smile on his face. ‘Before you ask, I heard pretty much all of it.’ You turned your head to avoid his gaze but his hand stopped you, cupping your cheek softly. You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes, ‘I meant every word.’

‘I know you did but I’m not sure if that’s the safest way now, y/n. These people are on my back and I have to give them what they want. I don’t want them to know about you, I can’t risk it.’ You moved away and frowned, ‘What are you trying to say?’

‘I need you to stay away from me until this is over.’ You didn’t know what to say for a moment, ‘What? No, Alex, I want to be with you.’

‘I want you, too, love. Just for a while and when it’s over, I won’t repeat my mistakes. We’ll have a life together, alright? I promise.’ A tear dropped on your cheek and you wiped it away, ‘Don’t do this, don’t push me away.’

Later that day, you went home to have a shower and bring him some clothes and when you were back the next morning, the secretary said he checked himself out and left. You tried to reach him but his phone number was invalid. You didn’t know the visit the Company paid to him and what would happen if he continued to stay in the hospital and do nothing.

Six days after that you woke up to the knocking on your door and you weren’t expecting to see him. You stepped back so he could come inside but you noticed how it pained him to move. ‘What happened?’

‘I almost had Scofield but then... he ran away and let’s say that didn’t make them happy.’ You watched him sitting on the sofa and taking off his suit jacket. ‘Are they going to attack you every time something goes wrong?’ You helped him to unbutton his shirt as he leaned back, ‘If it’s not me then it’ll be Pam or Cam.’

‘Alex...’ You tried to speak but the words left you, leaving you in pain. Then you noticed the purpleness on his chest and tears escaped from your eyes, crying as you stood on your knees with his shirt in your hands. He grabbed your arms and you saw the muscles on his arms tighten, ‘I will be okay. It was a mistake to come here but... I didn’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone.’

You pressed a kiss on his chest and stood up, ‘I’ll draw you a bath right now, is it okay?’ He whispered thank you and you turned back to give him a kiss on the lips, ‘Then we will have dinner and you’ll get a good sleep.’ Once his body was relaxed and his stomach was full, he let you tuck him in a blanket and you two cuddled until one of you fell asleep. That night, he realised even at the worst times, there was something beautiful and unique.

#not peaky #prison break #alexander mahone #william fichtner #alex mahone #prison break imagine #prison break one shot #alexander mahone imagine #alexander mahone one shot #alexander mahone x reader #alex mahone imagine #alex mahone x reader #michael scofield #lincoln burrows #sara tancredi #prison break fanfic

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evanbuckley-heartofgold · 4 years

Note

Congrats on followers! Totally deserved 😍 This might be a bit of a weird prompt but I had a dream (yes that's how badly I'm missing 911s) that ended abruptly and I'm dying to see how it will end lol. ANYHOW: Owen trying to hide his pain until he can't (*insert something dramatic happening*) and discussion with TK follows. I know I've said this before but I'm so happy I discovered you 😭😭

Thank you so much! I love these prompts you send in! I hope you like it <3

Read on ao3 (1.7k)

Owen groans as he sits up, his whole body feels heavy, like his bones are made of concrete. He wants nothing more than to lay back down and sleep the day away, but he is a fire captain and he has duties. So with another groan, Owen forces himself out of bed.

The second he’s standing on his feet, he nearly crumbles to the floor. A sharp, shooting pain, ignites through his fingers and toes and his legs shake, seemingly having a hard time supporting his weight. He grunts in pain, not wanting TK to hear him from his room across the hall.

Owen sits back down on the edge of the bed, taking a slow breath through his nose, before reaching into his bedside drawer and downing some of the pills his doctor said could help with the side effects. He prays that they’ll start working quickly.

He winces as he rises to his feet once more and starts his day. Everything takes him longer, getting dressed, doing his hair, it all takes nearly double the time it usually does. As it stands, Owen gets downstairs just as TK is shoving the last few things in his bag and yanking on his shoes.

“You ready to go?” TK asks. Owen nods.

He doesn’t protest as TK takes his work bag as well as his own and heads out to the car. It’s days like today that Owen is glad that his son is a worrywart. TK jumps into the driver’s seat, he hasn’t let Owen drive since he found out, and starts the car. Owen plasters on a smile for his son, hiding the pain boiling under his skin, and shuts the car door.

TK doesn’t need to know how much pain he’s in, it will only make TK more worried. He wants his son to see him power through and beat this cancer, not collapsing at every step because the chemo is kicking his ass.

At the station, TK once again takes Owen’s bag and drops it in the locker room before bounding into the kitchen like a puppy. Owen watches him, wishing he had that much energy. As Owen walks into the station, he can’t help but wince at every step. Pain shoots up from his feet into his legs, and he has to keep from visibly showing any pain. TK can’t know.

“You doing okay, cap?” Marjan asks, looking down at Owen from the top of one of the trucks.

Owen smiles up at her, “All good, I think I just slept weird last night.”

“Judd made breakfast,” Marjan tells him, “or actually Grace made breakfast and Judd brought it in. You might want to go grab some before Mateo and TK eat all of it.”

“Will do,” Owen says and walks away from Marjan’s prying eyes. He imagines himself lifting up a facade of himself, smiling and the perfect fire captain for his team.

In the kitchen, Judd pushes a plate of food towards him and nods for him to sit with the rest of the team, “Thanks, cowboy,” Owen smiles and takes the plate. They eat, quietly chatting about their days, all of them too tired to have a real conversation, and with a twelve-hour shift in front of them, they’re all wanting to conserve energy.

Unfortunately, just as breakfast finishes, the bell rings, eliciting a groan from everyone. “Up and at ‘em,” Owen encourages as they jog off to the trucks.

“Three story house fire,” Owen informs the team, looking over his shoulder. “There are at least four people trapped inside, possibly more. Mateo, Paul, and TK, get the water, use the hydrant if you have to. Judd, Marjan, and I will head inside.” Everyone nods. “Listen, the building might be unstable so the second I call for an evac, you do it, got it?” He asks the question directly at Marjan who rolls her eyes but nods.

Everyone jumps out of the truck when they get there, but Owen is forced to take it a little slower. Pain shoots through his fingers again as he pulls on his mask, but he shoves it down. There are people to save.

He nods at Judd and Marjan and leads them into the building.

Owen works on instinct as he searches the house with his team, pulling people out, getting them out of the smoke, and clearing rooms and floors. Finally, Judd radios that he and Marjan are helping the last victim out.

“I’ll follow you guys out,” Owen tells them. He’s on the second floor now and the smoke is getting thick. But Owen picks up his feet and steps down the stairs. But with every step, the pain grows worse and worse in his feet. His legs shake, growing weaker and weaker from exertion.

His heavy gear weighs him down even more, but by some miracle, Owen makes it to the ground floor. But the exits feel miles away.

“Cap, you out yet?” Paul asks through the radio.

Owen stumbles, catching himself against the wall, but then his legs fully give out, sending him collapsing to the floor. He tries to move his arm, but the pain only grows worse and worse with every movement.

“Captain Strand, please respond.” It’s Judd now, his voice wavering. “Are you out of the building?”

Owen blinks slowly, his body feels too heavy. He can’t do this.

“Dad! Dad, please,” Owen can hear TK’s panicked voice in his radio and he struggles to his feet. His son needs him, he can’t abandon him. TK needs him to live.

Owen finds strength deep inside of himself and forces himself to his feet. The image of TK is so present in his mind. Owen manages to take a few steps, leaning against the wall but he can’t move after that. The pain is too great.

“TK…” Owen breathes softly. He wants to reach up and turn on his radio, he wants to tell TK how much he loves him. His son’s voice comes over the radio again, begging him to answer. Owen can’t find the strength to reach up to his mic.

When TK was a baby, he used to stare up at Owen with such wide-eyed fascination and trust. He looked at his dad like he hung the stars in the sky. And at that young age, he probably did. Owen loves his son more than anything in the world, he has to fight to get back to him.

Then out of the smoke in front of him, a tall figure emerges. They grab Owen around the waist and start running out of the building, hauling him along. Once they’re outside, Owen collapses to his knees as the paramedics surround him. As he is laid onto his back, he can see his son’s watery green eyes looking down at him with incredible pain.

“I’m sorry,” Owen breathes. The last thing he sees before he passes out is TK covers his mouth as he sobs.

...

Owen wakes up slowly.

He feels someone holding his hand and around him he can hear the hum of voices, though he can’t make out what they’re saying. His body feels heavy, like he’s going to sink right through the bed. It’s nice, he decides, a break from the immense pain he has been in for days on end. But as much as he struggles to stay awake, he falls right back into the darkness.

When Owen wakes up again, he can hear voices this time.

Judd sighs, “I know you’re worried, but your dad would want you to take care of yourself. Why don’t you come home with me and get some real food instead of this nasty hospital stuff. You can sleep in a real bed.”

“I can’t,” TK’s voice is so shaky it worries Owen. “I can’t leave him.”

“He would want you too,” Judd says wisely. “Come on.” Owen silently pleads with his son to go home with Judd. There is no one he trusts more to take care of his son than Judd.

“Fine.”

Owen lets out a breath of relief as TK’s chair scrapes back. Judd quietly mummers something to TK, too soft for Owen to hear and their footsteps walk out of the room. Owen allows himself to sink back down into sleep with the knowledge that someone is taking care of his son when he can’t.

The third time Owen wakes up, he actually opens his eyes. “Dad?” Owen blinks and finds TK looking down at him, eyes red. “Dad!” TK exclaims. Before he knows it, Owen has an armful of TK. Owen wraps his arms around his son as TK buries his head against his shoulder.

“I’m okay,” Owen murmurs, kissing the top of TK’s head. He doesn’t know if it’s true, but if it will help TK calm down then it doesn’t matter. “I’m okay, TK.”

“No you’re not,” TK says, his voice muffled against Owen. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were in pain?” TK demands, sitting up. “I could have helped you and this wouldn’t have happened.” TK yanks on his hair, “Side effects of chemotherapy are weakness, nausea, lack of concentration… Why didn’t I notice?”

“Hey,” Owen takes TK’s hands out of his hair to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. “This is not your fault TK.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” TK looks at his dad with watery eyes.

Owen smiles sadly and touches TK’s cheek, “I didn’t want you to worry any more than you already were. I wanted to push through and be strong for you.”

“I don’t need you to be strong,” TK shakes his head. “I need you to be alive.”

“TK…”

“No,” TK snaps. “You could have died. Do you realize that? I-I’m not ready to lose you.”

Owen’s heart breaks in two. “Okay, come here,” Owen opens his arms and lefts TK fall back into them. Owen runs a hand up and down TK’s back, “I’m sorry, kid. You’re right, I should have told you.”

“I thought we promised that we wouldn’t keep things from each other.”

“I know,” Owen sighs and runs a hand through TK’s hair, “I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was as bad as it was. I thought I could push through. Listen to me, I promise that from now on I will tell you everything that’s going on with my chemo. But,” TK looks up at his dad, “you have to promise me to be honest when you’re scared, okay? I’m not the only one this cancer is affecting.”

TK looks unhappy at the deal, but says, “Okay. I love you, dad.”

Owen smiles and kisses the top of his son’s head again, “I love you too.”

#my fic #911 lone star #911 ls #911ls fic #911 lone star fic #tk strand #owen strand #judd ryder #marjan marwani #paul strickland #mateo chavez #tw cancer #911 #911 fic

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writemywaytoyourheart · 5 years

Text

BTS Reaction: When You're Sick

Requested: yes! By @thebooksapphire thank you for the request love, I hope you like this^^

BTS Masterlist ← find all my works here lovelies~

a/n: fourth BTS reaction everyone, so guess what?: (~•.•)~.... anyways, I hope you guys like this one! I was sicky this week so I needed this 🤧 the Lord himself is the only reason I got this one done 🙏

*I do not own any of the gifs, credits go to rightful owners*

KIM SEOKJIN:

Oh. Oh no. you're beautiful sir.

"Please just let me take your temperature Princess. It'll only take a second, I promise." Jin sighs sadly when you whine and turn away from him for the third time in the past five minutes. Your husband sits there for another minute, then gently touches your shoulder and whispers into your ear, "I made some soup for you love, I know you're hungry. Just let me take it first." You stay silent, debating, and Jin smiles. You shift your body until you're facing him again, your face is sweaty and exhausted looking, he smiles at you sadly and takes a piece of your hair that was stuck to your forehead and tucks it behind your ear. There's a question in his eyes and you nod slightly, he sighs in relief and brings the thermometer past your lips, putting it under your tongue when you open your mouth.

After about twenty seconds you hear a beep and Jin takes the thermometer out, squinting at it to see the numbers.

101°F / 38.3° C

He frowns and stands up, you reach out and grab at his hand weakly, "Jin," you croak out, and he turns back to you, "where are you going?" he leans down and kisses your forehead before saying, "I'm just gonna get that soup and some medicine for you, ok love? I'll be right back." You nod and he squeezes your hand gently then sets it down and leaves the room.

A few minutes later Jin comes back in carrying a tray; a bowl, a glass of water and a bottle of medicine are sitting on top of it. He sits at the edge of the bed after setting the tray on your nightstand and helps you sit up on the pillows that he piled up for this specific reason. You've had the flu for about a day now, your husband found you yesterday when he got back from the studio, while you were in a sweaty exhausted heap on the bed. He took a few days off to help you get your health back, which you were so thankful for as he helped you move to a sitting position, seeing as you didn't think you'd be able to do it on your own at the moment.

Jin puts some pills into your hand and guides you to put them in your mouth, helping you swallow them with a drink of water. Then he spoons out some broth and starts to feed it to you–which you eat eagerly.

He smiles at you as you keep eating, not having had a decent meal in at least a day. "I love you Jin, thank you baby." Your voice is starting to come back a little and he smiles even wider, "I love you too Y/n, now keep eating, we need to get your strength up."

Jin was the most caring husband you could've ever asked for. Being sick was horrible, but when Jin was taking care of you it made it a lot more tolerable.

And you can be sure that he'll have a lot of good dad jokes up his sleeve to cheer you right up.

MIN YOONGI:

may...may I please hug you?

You reach over to the tissue box next to you miserably, taking yet another tissue out and blowing your nose for what felt like the hundredth time today. This was not how you wanted to spend your weekend at all, but you'd caught the nasty cold going around and were forced to stay at home; watching movies, blowing your nose, coughing, and wallowing in a blanket of misery and sickness.

Suddenly your phone rings and you pause the show you're watching and grab your phone. It was your fiance calling–probably because you had been avoiding all human contact for the past twenty-four hours–and he most likely thought you were dead, which you might as well be. You answer it and don't even try to sound less than miserable.

"Hello?" Your voice is cracked and broken, sounding just as bad as you feel.

"Y/n? Honey are you sick?" Yoongi's voice sounds worried on the other side of the phone and you nod tiredly, then realize he can't see you so you squeak out, "yeah I am, it's just a cold though." He's silent on the other end for a second then says, "can I come over then?" You wait another minute to answer since you started having another coughing fit, then when you can breath again you hold the phone to your ear, "no baby, I don't want you to get sick. I'll be fine in a few days." Yoongi is silent again, then you hear some movement on his side. He keeps shuffling around until finally he says, "ok baby, I'll be there in about ten minutes ok? Love you." You start to protest but he hangs up before you can get much in, "Yoongi, no. Don't co–Yoongi?" You look at the phone to see he's hung up already. You sigh and drop your phone on the couch, pulling the covers up around you even more.

A little later you hear a knock at the door. You squint at it then remember that Yoongi was coming over–somehow your fogged up brain completely forgot about that. You stand up and stumble to the door to unlock it–your legs all wobbly from not having been used for a while now. When you open the door Yoongi is met with you standing there; hair in disarray and no makeup, watery eyes and a pink nose, wrapped up in a blanket. He tries not to laugh but can't help it when a small smile slips out, you were still the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. You frown at him but open the door nonetheless to let him in, and he walks in holding a small bag. You gesture at it with your head, the only part of you not covered in a blankie, "what's in there?" He walks over to the couch and sits on the spot that isn't littered with your many a used tissues. You waddle after him and sit next to him, "I told you not to come over Yoongi, I don't want you to get sick." He just shrugs as he pulls stuff out of the bag, "does it look like I care about getting sick? I want you to get better and I don't want you to be alone. Now, here is some cold medicine, it's the best I've had, it really works. Here's some more tissues, and also some snacks to cheer you up." After he's pulled it all out he sees your eyes start to water, "you ok, Y/n? You gonna sneeze?" He shifts away a little, as if you were about to sneeze all over him, and you start to laugh then smack him, "no, you idiot. I was touched by what you did for me." He grabs your hands that are smacking him and laughs, "ok ok, sorry, now let's get this medicine into you."

After you've taken the stuff he brought for your cold you snuggle up on the couch again, and Yoongi pulls you close despite your protests. The both of you snack on the food he brought and put on the drama that you two are currently watching together.

You'd be better in a few days, but right now really wasn't too bad. Min Yoongi could always make things better for you couldn't he?

JUNG HOSEOK:

I had a rough day, this gif made everything okay again. Thank you Hobi

"Are you sure Y/n? Maybe we should take you to the doctors." Hoseok looks at you anxiously, seeing you slightly pale, curled up on the couch. You shake your head, "it's just the stomach flu Hobi, they can't do anything for me." Your boyfriend nods miserably and strokes your arm, he knows that always calms you down. You'd thrown up twice that day, but thankfully you weren't throwing up right now. You suspected it was one of those twenty-four hour tummy illnesses, and you knew you'd just have to stick it out. Going to the doctors wouldn't do much but have them confirm what you already knew, you were sick. Whenever you were sick, the best thing to help you was to distract you from the pain. So Hobi would try different things to get your mind off of it.

He'd already danced and joked around like a goofball for you and had you smiling like an idiot, but now you were both worn out. You had your eyes closed and Hobi had laid a light sheet on top of you, since you'd been switching from feeling hot to cold all day long. Earlier, Hobi had fed you some broth and had you nibble some crackers while sipping water. With a little something in your tummy you felt a bit better and now you were trying to relax while Hobi was reading a book out loud to you. His fingers brushed lightly up and down your arms as he read softly. Soon you start to drift off, but something keeps jerking you awake again. Hobi notices and sets down the book, crawling around to lay next to you, as he continues to trace patterns on your skin.

"Hobi?" he hears you whisper weakly, he moves to sit close to you but hasn't lied down yet, "yes, Jagi?" He whispers back, rubbing your shoulder gently. Your eyes are slightly open as you turn to look at him, "thank you, for everything."

He lies down next to you and whispers, "I love you baby, try to get some sleep now." His soft fingers going along your arms and the warmth of him next to you makes your eyes flutter closed once again, and soon you drift off to sleep. Hobi stays next to you while you sleep, to make sure that you don't wake up again. You don't, and eventually he starts to fall asleep as well.

He'll definitely be there when you wake up, and you can be sure he'll think of whatever he can to distract you while you recover. Which definitely includes lots of cuddles and a good movie.

this was so short, I'm so sorry, but honestly it's one of my favorites, Jhooope :((

KIM NAMJOON:

*scrambles frantically to grab the kiss*

Namjoon is extremely smart, everyone knows it. But when his new wife catches a terrible cold he seems to throw all knowledge out the window and replace it with complete and utter panic. This is what you find out after you've caught a really bad cold, now lying in bed with a pounding headache and a stuffed nose, making it hard to breathe like a normal human.

Namjoon rushes into your shared room once again, arms full of tissue boxes, medicine, and a bunch of random stuff that you have no idea where he got it from.

"Namjoon honey," you can't help but laugh at his frantic self. He looks at you wide-eyed, "yes Y/n? Is there anything else I can get you? How are you feeling? What can I do to he-" You cut off his rambling with a wave of your hand, he shuts right up and walks across the room to sit on the side of the bed when you wave him over.

He sets all the stuff he was carrying on the floor and takes your hand when you reach for his then you clear your sore throat, "Joonie, you have helped me so much already. You got me food and blankets and look, some tissues and medicine now. Thank you, for everything. But, now I just wanna cuddle my husband, is that okay?" He nods and you see his dimples make an appearance, causing you to giggle and pinch his cheeks. Before he gets into bed with you he grabs the cough drops and a box of tissues from his stash, and makes sure you take some medicine for your headache. Then he climbs clumsily over you to sit next to you. His long legs give him trouble trying to crawl across you and it makes him take a second before he's finally situated comfortably. You can't stop laughing until he's done, and he blushes at your teasing. He hands you the cough drops which you take gratefully, then he pulls you into his chest to snuggle.

"Are you feeling any better babe?" You smile at his concern and turn your head to look up at him, "yes Joonie, thank you." He just smiles and hugs you tighter; squishing you against his hard chest, which you love when he does that.

"You're the best husband ever," you whisper after a few minutes and you swear you can feel his blush and shy smile when he kisses the top of your head and whispers back, "I just want to take care of my beautiful wife, I love you Y/n."

"I love you too Joonie."

PARK JIMIN:

*is thrown to the floor from overwhelming feels and uwus*

You hadn't been able to sleep all night long, tossing and turning for hours. All of your bones felt like they were breaking and all your muscles were sore. It was in the wee hours of the morning when you gave up on sleep completely. You had no idea what was going on but whatever it was, you wanted it to stop soon.

At about nine in the morning, you lay there contemplating life and sickness and death as your body feels like it's shutting down. You hear a bling and it takes all of your strength to sit up and grab your phone, seeing a text message from your boyfriend.

Hey babygirl, how did you sleep last night?

You laugh bitterly and type out a reply with your stiff fingers,

I didn't. I don't know why I feel so horrible right now.

Jimin responds right away, your chest feels achy and tight and you take a few deep breathes, then you smile tiredly at his text,

Aww, my poor baby, I'm gonna come over after work today, is that alright?

You message back that you'd definitely like him to come over, then you try to close your eyes for at least an hour of sleep. You'd already called in sick to work, so you didn't have to get up for a while. You lay there and try to ignore the achiness of your stiff muscles and the headache that's starting to creep it's way in.

A few hours later you wake up to your front door opening, you feel groggy and disoriented and you hate it. Jimin walks into your room quietly and smiles at you sleepily watching him as he makes his way to your bed. He sits on the side of your bed and leans towards you, putting his hand gently on your forehead. "Baby, you're burning up." He gets up and walks to the closet where he knows you keep medicine and stuff, he digs around until he finds your thermometer and then he comes back to your side. He slides it across your forehead, stopping at your temple and holding the button down until it beeps. He looks at it and shakes his head, "you have a fever Y/n, how are you feeling now?" You squint at him and try to move but your sore neck causes you to wince and just croak out, "ah ow, I feel like I just ran a marathon, gosh, it's so hot." You shove the covers off of you with all you can muster. Jimin's eyebrows are furrowed in concern and he pets your head before telling you to stay put. You must have passed out again because when you open your eyes once more everything is blurry and Jimin is just coming back into the room. He's holding a wet rag, a glass of water and some medicine. Jimin comes over and sets the cool wet rag on your forehead before coaxing the pills into you.

You start to shiver after a few minutes and Jimin puts your covers back on you, you wince again from the aches spreading across your body. "The medicine will kick in soon, don't worry baby," Jimin keeps stroking your hair and then he starts to hum one of your favorite songs. The medicine does start working eventually and you finally relax as Jimin keeps up his ministrations. You keep fading in and out of consciousness but Jimin stays right where he is.

He doesn't plan on leaving, not until you're fully healthy again. He smiles down at your sleeping figure, "I love you Y/n, feel better soon."

KIM TAEHYUNG:

Ya know, God wasn't f*ckin around when he made Kim Taehyung.

It was a stupid idea to go out without a jacket when there was a giant rain cloud looming overhead, and you knew it. But, you had to get out and see your boyfriend. Today had been awful, you got into a nasty fight with your friend and you wanted nothing more than to just be held by Tae. Of course you should've known you'd get rained on, but to be fair you thought you would have made it to his dorm before it got too bad. Turns out you were wrong.

You're still a few blocks from the boys' dorm and completely soaked. You shiver uncontrollably and keep hugging yourself tightly while you walk in the pouring rain. You had run out of your house so fast that you didn't even grab your purse, which had your subway transportation card in it, so you had to walk. Thankfully you had your phone in your pocket, but you didn't even call Taehyung before you left. You just prayed that he would be home when you got there.

Finally you walk up the steps leading to their dorm. You knock on the door and try to stop shaking, already feeling your nose stuffed up and your throat raw. Jin opens the door and looks at you in shock, "Y/n? Come in, quickly. Why on earth are you out there without a jacket, at least?" Jin opens the door wider for you and gestures you inside. You walk in and take off your wet sneakers, your socks are beyond saving as they are soaked too. Jin hands you a pair of slippers to put on after peeling your socks off. "Th-thank you Jin, I was s-stupid and forgot a coat. Nice day for a w-walk though." You try to laugh it off and he just shakes his head playfully at you. Then you both look up at the sound of a bedroom door opening and someone hurrying out. Tae walks over to you smiling, "Y/n, I thought I heard your voice." When he reaches you it seems to finally register in his brain that you're sopping wet. His face changes to one of worry and he grabs your hand, "baby, your hands are freezing, what happened?" He leads you to his room and closes the door behind you two. Tae hurries to his closet and rummages around in it until he comes out with a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie of his. Then he brings them over to you, "put these on love, I'll be right back." He hands them to you and closes the door behind him when he leaves, giving you privacy to change–which you do quickly–finally nice and warm in his comfy clothes.

Tae comes back and smiles at you in his clothes, he gives you a warm pack that he heated up, so you can warm your hands and cheeks. Then he has you lie down to cuddle with him and tell him what happened. You rant to him about the fight with your friend and he hums in understanding at the right parts of your story. After you finish you tell him you think you caught a cold from the rain, so he hugs you tightly and says, "I'm sorry you had a bad day love, I'm gonna take care of you now, ok? Let me help you feel better."

And with warm food, medicine, and lots of cuddles, that's exactly what he did.

JEON JUNGKOOK:

Can I please just...just hold his hand? :((

You were over at the boys' dorm. Playing Mario Kart with Jungkook and Tae, and doing a pretty dang good job at it if you do say so yourself. You'd beaten both of them at least once and you were gonna sneak up on the two of them for a third time, when you started to feel a little sick. You just assumed it was from playing so long that you got dizzy, but you stopped trying so hard and settled for third place. Then you opted out of the next round, much to your boyfriend's dismay. Tae seemed to want to stop after the next round as well, saying he was bored and wanted to do something else. Jungkook shrugged it off and said he'd just play Overwatch since you both abandoned him.

You had been feeling a little iffy since the night before but you hadn't let yourself dwell on it. Getting sick was one of your biggest fears, especially throwing up. So you kept distracting yourself while you laid on Jungkook's bed. Tae had left to find something else to do and Jungkook was extremely invested in the level he was currently playing. You felt your stomach turn again and willed yourself not to panic, think about random things Y/n, stay calm. When you start to panic you usually have a method of calming down; picking out random objects in the room and describing them to yourself.

But you needed to throw up, now. No talking yourself out of this one, so you jump off Jungkook's bed and run into his bathroom, closing the door behind you and making it to the toilet right as you start to gag. Jungkook was alarmed when he felt your sudden movement and he had paused the game right away. When he heard you throwing up in the bathroom he waited until you stopped, then knocked on the door softly. "Y/n? Baby can I come in?" He heard you whimper and took that as a sign, he opened the door and walked in crouching down next to you by the toilet. You had your head in your hands breathing shakily, "J-Jungkook," he brushed your hair out of your face, "yes, babydoll?" You tried not to cry, you really did, but you couldn't help it when a choked sob escaped your throat, "I'm s-scared. I d-don't want to throw up." Jungkook took your hands in his big ones and held them tight, "I know Jagi, but it's gonna stop, yeah? It won't last forever." You nodded and held onto his words with every ounce of your being, but soon enough you were bent back over the toilet, throwing up once again. Jungkook held your hair out of your face and whispered soothing words to you as he rubbed your back with his other hand. After a good twenty minutes of on and off throwing up, you make your way out of the bathroom, your boyfriend helping you walk. You keep insisting that you need to go home or he'd get sick, but he won't hear of it and makes you lie in his bed. "I don't care about anything but you right now Y/n," after he tucks you in he leans forward and kisses your forehead to see if you have a temperature, which you definitely do.

Jungkook goes out to get Jin to see what he should do and after talking to his eldest hyung he makes his way back to you and does everything he can. Pretty soon you've been given water, crackers are on his sidetable for when you're hungry, there's a bucket next to the bed in case you need to throw up again, and a cool rag is on your forehead. Jungkook is lying next to you and stroking your hair softly, whispering to you about the random objects in his room, and telling made up stories about where they came from and how they were made. You end up falling asleep and Jungkook follows soon after, Jin is out in the kitchen making some soup for you which Jungkook will feed you later. Being sick was terrifying for you but Jungkook knew what to do to bring the panic back down, and you couldn't be more grateful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n 2.0: thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it my loves <3 I wish I had BTS to take care of me rn lmao. I'm sick and this was a biatch to post. It's after 4am, I should sleep, but I can't :')

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smileyoongle · 5 years

Text

Masterpiece (A Park Jimin Yandere AU)

Summary: You thought it was just a painting until you bought it. You thought the man in the frame was beautiful until you saw him. You thought it was a masterpiece until you were ruined.

Pairing: Yandere! Jimin×Reader, Taehyung×Reader

Warnings: Contains mentions of smut, deaths, blood, obsessive behaviour and mental health issues. Please read at your own risk.

You stared at the painting on the wall, the mix of colours making you zone out. Taehyung sat beside you on the white couch, rubbing circles on the palm of your hand as you both patiently waited for your therapist. His office was pretty nice with all it's pastel colours and light toned furniture. You remembered when you once wanted to be a psychologist. It was a teen fantasy of yours after you had seen 'The Silence Of The Lambs'. Overtime you grew out of it, figuring that you had too many problems to deal with rather than helping others fix theirs and soon, you found solace in tubes of paint and the smell of new canvases.

The door opened with a subtle click, your head turning around to see your doctor, Kim Namjoon, entering the cabin.

Taehyung let go of your hand and stood up, shaking hands with Namjoon while you continued to sit nonchalantly. You didn't really wanna be here, anyway. Thankfully, Namjoon knew you too well. He was an acquaintance of yours in high school but he didn't know you enough to not be your therapist. He was the best one in town and happened to be Taehyung's good friend.

His glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, his brown hair was pushed back, revealing his forehead unlike all the other days that he let his hair cover it up. You tilted your head and rested your cheek against your palm, your elbow sitting on the arm of the couch. Namjoon settled down in his chair and opened his diary, writing down what you assumed was today's date and your name.

He finally looked up at you and smiled, his dimples digging into his cheek.

"Well, look who decided to show up after standing me up last week." Namjoon joked, making you crack a smile. Taehyung chuckled deeply, turning his head to look at you.

You shrugged and leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees instead. "Safe to say, someone actually wanted to see me." You responded, earning Taehyung's disapproving scoff. It was his way of saying that he always wanted to see you but you decided to ignore it. What could you even say?

Namjoon shook his head, a breathy laugh leaving his mouth as he placed his pen on the book.

"Tell me, how have you been, Y/N? Hopefully, you have been taking your medicines on time." He stated, looking at you with bright eyes. This was definitely a therapist thing. They couldn't really be sad in front of a depressed person right?

"Of course-"

"Liar. Now I know why Nan wanted me to come."

You tsked when Taehyung interrupted, your eyes rolling in annoyance. Namjoon tilted his head at Taehyung, nodding at him as a sign to continue. Taehyung glanced at me before looking back at his friend.

"I saw the entire bottle sitting untouched in her house." Taehyung confessed, making you sigh and close your eyes. You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling both their eyes on you.

"I told you last time. I can't take those pills, they make me sleepy and I'd rather stay awake." You snapped, clenching your fists and looking at Namjoon with a firm gaze that said you wouldn't change your decision.

Namjoon pursed his lips, already expecting this. Even after having talked about this a million times, you weren't willing to give the medicine a chance.

"Why would you rather stay awake, Y/N?" He asked, rubbing his chin with his fingers. Your eyes wandered towards Taehyung, your breathing staggering when he gave you a comforting nod. You gulped, looking at the small painting that you had been admiring since you stepped foot in the office.

"Nightmares. Bad ones that make it seem so real, I-I don't wanna sleep. I think I've started to have those sleep episodes again." You answered as honestly as you could. This was hard for you. Very hard. Just as you thought you were getting better, everything seemed to be relapsing.

Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed. Not in confusion. Not in surprise. But with concern. He always wondered why you painted at night and slept in the morning. Now he knew that you worked so hard just to tire yourself out so that exhaustion could take over. Because you wouldn't sleep willingly at all.

It was such a shame he didn't figure this out. He just wanted to help you. He really wished you'd let him help you.

"Do you remember any of those dreams?" Asked Namjoon, writing down something in his notebook. Your hand found Taehyung's, begging for him to hold it firmly and tell you it's okay. You had specifically requested for someone to be with you during therapy, afraid that you'd spiral out of control if Taehyung or nan weren't with you.

You tried to recall any nightmares that you had recently, your mind only gathering bits and pieces. You shook your head. "It's all a blur. I just remember being in that dark house and seeing bloody ropes everywhere." You replied, sighing when Taehyung squeezed your hand. You could feel your heartbeat quickening, the fear finding home in you again. And as much as you wanted to just get over it, you knew this session was far from over.

Namjoon hummed, gliding his pen across the paper before closing the book and looking at you with hesitant eyes. You could feel your hands become clammy, your thoughts catching onto his. He was gonna say something you didn't wanna hear.

"I suggest we try PE once again."

You immediately shook your head, sitting up straighter and mumbling 'no' again and again. You yanked your hand away from Taehyung, running your fingers through your hair. Namjoon placed the notebook beside him and leaned towards you with his arms stretched forward with caution.

"Y/N, just listen to me. We need to know where you stand in this situation and Prolonged Exposure is the best way to do it." He prompted, earning another firm NO from you. Taehyung decided to step in, his head turning towards Namjoon as he gave him a knowing look. Namjoon nodded in response and stood up, leaving the room without any noise. Even though this should be embarrassing for him, he didn't think much of it. Kim Taehyung was a rock for you besides Nan. At times when Namjoon had failed to convince you, Taehyung had done it. And Namjoon was sure Taehyung would do it now too.

You felt Taehyung's hands on your cheeks as he turned your face towards him. Your eyes were already teary at the thought of reliving that painful memory. Sort of reliving.

You placed your hands on Taehyung's, not paying attention to his words at all.

"Tae, listen to me, I can't do this. I don't- I don't wanna do this, tell him..-"

"Baby, hush. Look at me…"

You stopped talking, your lips quivering as you listened to his attempt at comforting you.

"Breathe. Just breathe."

You swallowed thickly, focusing your attention on your breathing. You closed your eyes and took in deep breaths, feeling the way your heart calmed down.

"Y/N. Tell me. Don't you wanna stop worrying about all this?"

You pursed your lips, not being able to answer him. You didn't need to, anyway. Because who would say no to that question? Certainly not you.

"Don't you wanna just...live?" You looked away from his brown eyes, his hands still firmly cupping your cheeks. After a second of silence, you nodded. Taehyung smiled and brushed your hair away from your forehead.

"Do this. Not for me. Not for Nan but for yourself. Because you wanna live." He said, pulling his hands away and standing up. As much as you wanted to argue, you couldn't. He was right. Taehyung was always right.

"I'll let Namjoon know." Taehyung announced, taking a step forward towards outside the room when your hand held his wrist. You were still hesitant and unprepared. Could you even come out alive?

It's just a recording, you told yourself.

Taehyung sighed and crouched down to your eye level, bringing your hand up to his lips. He softly kissed your fingers before smiling at you.

"I swear on my life, Y/N. You'll be fine." He assured you, your hand finally letting go of his wrist. You watched him leave, the back of his blue shirt disappearing behind the black door.

You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, nodding to yourself as an indication that you were ready.

____________________________________________

Namjoon looked at you, his fingers hovering over the play button on the small black recording device. You knew all about the process of prolonged exposure therapy.

You were gonna be made to listen to a recording from the time when you had narrated the whole incident to Namjoon for the first time. The last time you did this, you were screaming after you heard yourself utter four sentences. It was painful, really. And you never wanted to go through it again but you understood that this was important for you.

You glanced at the door once, your heart sinking on the realisation that Taehyung wasn't gonna be here to get you through this. This was a one to one session and Taehyung wasn't allowed inside with you.

You sighed and gave Namjoon a small nod, clenching your fists and leaning back on the plush couch. You heard a faint click before a buzz echoed through the silence of the room.

"It's 11:02 AM and I am at my third session with Y/N Y/L/N."

You huffed, closing your eyes immediately to prevent any further panic. Your heart was slowly picking up its pace. It wasn't full on pounding yet so that was a good sign.

"Y/N, tell me everything from the start. What happened on the evening of 31st December 2014?"

You squirmed in your seat, letting out shaky breaths as memories from that day came back to you.

"Well...I was walking back home from a party that I really wanted to attend. Taehyung had offered to drop me off but I didn't want him to leave the party because of me so I turned him down."

You kept mumbling to yourself that you were okay. Despite the goosebumps rising on your skin, you told yourself that you were okay. Just a little longer and you'd be out soon.

"It was quiet on the streets and my phone was dead. I couldn't call my dad because of it and I had to reach home soon. It was time for my curfew so I decided to take a shortcut."

A soft whimper left your mouth, your fingers fisting around the fabric of your t-shirt. Namjoon's eyes were fixed on you, taking in your body language throughout and drawing conclusions about your mental health. Your eyes were becoming warm, the tears making themselves visible.

"It was a dark alleyway and we were always told to avoid it, considering the number of girls who had been abducted from there. But I didn't have a choice. Dad would have killed me if I came home even a minute late."

You heard the crack in your voice, reminding you how much you had struggled to get the story out. The images of that night began to reopen in your mind, sending your heart into a spiral.

"I walked as fast as I could until I was almost at the end. I saw my house in the distance and that's when I began running. But it wasn't because I was late. It was because I could hear another set of footsteps behind me."

You gasped, shooting your eyes open when you recalled the next moment. Your lungs burned and tears streamed down your cheek.

"Y/N. No one is here to hurt you now. Just a little longer. You're doing great." Namjoon assured, his voice somewhat offering you peace.

"I was about to scream when a hand clamped down on my mouth. After that, I don't remember anything until I woke up in a dark room-"

"No...Stop it! Not...just stop it right now!" You yelled, your voice shaking as you clawed at your ears. Namjoon immediately pushed the stop button, the door swinging open to reveal a panicked Taehyung. You buried your face in your hands, your ragged breathing filling the room. Taehyung rushed to you, his hands rubbing your back as he sat down beside you.

You forced yourself to look up, your hands shakily reaching out to Taehyung's as you let him hug you. His scent had you calming down, your heart slowly falling back to it's rhythm.

"You did amazing, Y/N. Last time, you didn't even do half of where you reached today." Namjoon praised, showing you his dimpled smile. Your head rested on Taehyung's chest and you smiled weakly at Namjoon.

You wiped away your tears and sniffled, watching as your doctor sat in his chair and began writing something on a notepad.

"I'm changing your meds. There are three pills this time. You need to take them once daily. Don't forget them at all. And yes, these are to be taken with water, not alcohol." Namjoon stated firmly, giving you a small glare as you hide your face in Taehyung's chest. As if you were gonna listen to him.

The ride home was quiet, seeing as you spent your entire time recalling your therapy session. You somehow got through it for the day. But what were you gonna do next week?

You turned your eyes to Taehyung who was focused on driving the car. His jaw clenched occasionally, his tongue wetting his lips from time to time. It was a shame that a man like him was here next to you.

Taehyung was everything good whereas you were everything bad. You were broken beyond repair, hopeless, heartless and selfish. There were so many ways to describe you but you didn't have the motivation to put yourself down.

The car came to a halt and you weakly pushed open the door to get out. You sighed, squinting in the sunlight on seeing your house. The big brick mansion stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of the green expanse of the countryside. Your house wasn't that far from the city but it was a good 45 minutes drive.

You followed Taehyung inside your house, your feet automatically taking you to your bedroom as Taehyung engaged in a conversation with Nan. You were pretty sure it was gonna be about your little incident today. You rolled your eyes, trudging towards your closet. You dug through your clothes, trying to choose the comfiest outfit you owned before settling for an old but big t-shirt with baggy shorts. You turned around after tossing the clothes on your shoulder, your eyes meeting the eyes of the man in your painting.

He looked so at peace, it made you envious. Maybe you should have been a painting too. You wouldn't have to worry about life's problems at all.

"You're lucky, you know. All you have to do is sit there while I have to go through fits of existential crisis every day." You complained, throwing him a pointed look before heading to the bathroom.

The hot water was a relief for your aching muscles. You could feel all your worries being washed away as the water cascaded down your body. You spent twenty minutes cleaning yourself up. You loved taking showers but today was just not your day. You just wanted to lay around all day with nothing to think about.

What a treat that would be!

Wrapping the fluffy towel around your body, you stepped out of the stall and stood in front of the mirror after opening the door to your bathroom. The steam had fogged up the mirror, your hand wiping it away to slowly unravel your reflection. But it wasn't just you anymore.

Your eyes widened when they met his, a gasp following soon after.

Park Jimin stood behind you with a smirk on his plump lips and a devious look in his eyes.

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3 AM and tumblr is being a bitch..... I'm so tired. Anyway, sorry if I forgot to tag someone! Lemme know if you wanna be tagged and tell me if you liked this chapter! Ily 💖

-XX

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lorliejanegarrovillo · 4 years

Text

MEMORIES

It was 7 o'clock in the evening and here I am sitting on a couch, sipping a cup of coffee while facing my laptop. I'm on a coffee shop. I brought my laptop because i needed to search my assignments on the internet and this shop happened to have a strong wifi connection.

I sighed when i finally finished my homework. I leaned on the couch. "Finish," said I.

I roamed my eyes around the coffee shop and a guy caught my attention.

He was reading a book while a cup of coffee were on his hands. His eyes were reddish and teary. His lips were pale. He yawned many times but still, his eyes were fixed on the book that he was reading. He placed his coffee on the table and pinched himself.

He lazily brushed his hair with his hands and suddenly he looked at my direction. His reddish eyes met mine and with that, i quickly looked away and pretended that i was doing something on my laptop.

Why did I stare at him anyway?

"Excuse me," somebody said. I looked at the one who spoke. It was him, the guy from the other table.

"Yes?" i said, looking at him. Did he get the wrong idea?

"C-Can I borrow some penny?" he asked, looking away. He looked shy.

I raised a brow when i heard his question. Why would i give some money to a stranger?

"Pardon?" I asked calmly.

"I-I have no money left on my pocket. I n-need to buy a coffee again. ." he replied.

"And is that my problem?"

"N-no. Sorry for that," he said and quickly went to his seat.

I stared at him again. He was pinching and slapping himself. He shook his head, trying to avoid being drowsy.

He is sleepy, is'nt he? But why is he still reading a book? That would make him more sleepy for i believe that books are really boring.

We happened to be the only ones on the coffee shop, except the employees.

"No, no, no. Stay awake, Joshua. You need to stay awake," he whispered and slapped himself again. I read his mouth and i heard him enough.

He looked like he was about to faint but he recovered himself quickly. His eyes met mine again but this time, it looked like he was pleading me for something.

"P-Please help m-me," he whispered but still enough to be heard by me. "I c-can't f-fight it anymore. ." he said, staring at me.

My heart began to beat fast for unknown reason. I stood up and went to his table.

"Are you alright?" I asked. "Your eyes are red and you look so drowsy."

"I s-should always stay awake," he answered. "I d-did not sleep for a w-week already," he added.

"What?" I unbelievably asked. "W-Why?"

He pinched himself again and tried not to close his eyes.

"P-Please keep my m-memories, h-help me remember them o-once i wake up," he said. His head slowly fell on the table and his eyes were closing.

"H-Hey, wake up! I don't even know you. Memories what? What do you mean—" I did not manage to finish my words when my eyes accidentally glanced at the book that he was reading earlier.

"Memories" i read.

I took the book and read it again. So he meant this book? is this his memories?

I curiously opened the book and looked at the first page.

"This book serves as the storyteller of my life. Once i lose this, my memories will vanish with it together and be gone forever.

If lost, please return to me.

- Joshua"

I was surprised of what i've read. He placed his pictures and his biodata on the first page and signed it. Is this true? Is he telling the truth or am i just taking it seriously?

I tried waking him up but I failed. He was sleeping like a corpse. A pale lips and skin. It really seems that he did not sleep for how many days.

I sighed because of frustration. What am i going to do now? If i leave him here, my guilt will probably kill me.

I decided to take him with me. Just this once. Just until he wake up.

It's been three days and he is still on my bed. He did not wake up for three days but he is breathing. I was about to take him to the hospital but his book says if he fell asleep, just let it be and wait for him to wake up.

Yes, i spent my time reading the content of his book eventhough just holding it makes me cringe.

I've learned that it is not actually a book. It's more likely a diary that tells me the story about him and his life.

I also figured out what his situation is. It saddened me and pushed me to help him.

He loses his memories everytime he wakes up.

His parents were divorced and he chose to be on his mother's care. But unfortunately, his mother died when he was thirteen. His father had another family. He has nowhere to go but luckily, his grandparents were able to raise him until he graduated senior highschool. But because of age, his grandparents died and since then, he lived on his own expenses.

He attends school every morning and works everynight. And eventually, he developed his disease at a young age maybe because of too much stress and pressure.

"W-Where am I?"

I quickly looked at the guy on my bed. Good thing, he woke up.

"How's sleep?" I asked.

"Who are you? Where am I?" he asked, looking at me with a big question mark on his face.

"I'm Shan and you are Joshua. You're in my condo," I answered. "You've slept for three days, aren't you hungry?" I said and went to the kitchen.

I brought him foods from the refrigerator. "Eat first. You can trust me. You were the one who begged me to help you, so eat and i'll explain later."

I seated on the sofa and looked at him. Confusion is obviously plastered on his face but he decided to follow what i said. He ate.

"I can't remember anything. Ugh," he said as he held his head. "What's wrong with my memory?" he whispered to himself.

"Don't force yourself. That's why i'm here by the way," i said. "Listen to me," He looked at my eyes as if he is waiting for me to continue. "You fell asleep and you lost your memory again." I handed him the book.

"This belongs to you." He accepted and opened it. "You entrusted that to me since you asked me for help. Read it and you will be able to recall your memories. And by then, you can leave."

"What's this?" he asked.

"Your diary," i answered.

He then started reading it. I excused myself for him to focus and left for a walk.

Months has passed.

"Shan, what day is today?" Joshua asked. I glanced on my watch and looked at him.

"It's Monday. October 14, 2019" i answered completely, for i know he's gonna write what happened today on his diary.

It's been four months since we've met at the coffee shop. When he woke up that moment, it took him one day to finish his diary and he could'nt restrain himself from feeling drowsy again. So i played a very loud rock music while he was reading. He said it was disturbing but i know it helped a lot.

He keeps on reading and getting back his memories but he will feel drowsy and end up falling asleep again eventually. And that cycle repeats.

His illness is rare and has no cure. I got him checked up but the doctor said that there's no cure for it unless he will take some drugs that can make him stay awake. And with that, he refused.

Of course, he stopped schooling temporarily because of his situation. I also stopped him from working every night because that would make him feel tired and drowsy.

His situation is so hard that I cannot help but to guide and remind him. And because of that, i decided to tell him that i will take care of him. I told him he can live with me.

Well, since we're living on the same roof, we couldn't prevent having infatuation with each other. Yes, I like him a lot and it deepens as days goes by.

We're already in a relationship two months ago. He confessed and i accepted his feelings. And so, he's now my boyfriend and I'm his girlfriend.

"I will write more memories with you," he said and smiled. "A day with you is always fun," he added.

I smiled. "Of course, you're inlove with me and so am i," I answered.

His sweet smile slowly faded and turned into a bitter one. With that, i asked him. "What's with your smile?"

"I'm just thinking," he said and sighed. "I kept on feeling drowsy and forgetting you. Aren't you tired of reminding me of who i am and who you are to me? Aren't you tired of me yet? You're always on my side before and after i sleep. You're always taking care of me. I'm a mess, why are still with me? Why did you stay?"

His face is so sad.

"It's because I love you," I answered and stared at him. "I will never get tired of reminding you. I will never get tired of taking care of you. I will always stay on your side no matter what. So don't worry, you can sleep whenever you want. I will be here once you wake up and i'll help you again. Okay?" I said sincerely.

His eyes were teary. He pulled me for a hug. " Thank you. Thank you for loving me. It may take a lot of time but i promise to remember you, even in my grave."

I patted his back and smiled. "Will you write this scenario on your diary too?" i asked and chuckled.

We broke the hug and he laughed. "Of course," he said and held his pen. "Today, I promised my girfriend, Shan, that i will always remember her and my love for her with or without this diary. I will engrave her name in my heart and cherish it until i die," he said while writing it on his diary. He faced me. "I love you, Shan."

"I love you too, Joshua."

It's a hectic day! I'm preparing for my projects and assignments to be passed tomorrow which is the deadline and i didn't finish it yet.

I slapped my forehead as i roamed my eyes from my laptop to my messed study table. Papers, scratches, food wrappers and lay outs everywhere.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to calm myself and avoid being pressured. I sighed as i placed my hands on my face. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I've been through hard situations nowadays.

I attend school every day and i work every night. Eventhough my parents are well-off, i don't want to depend myself to them too much. I'm old enough to be independent.

"W-where am I?"

I wiped my tears away and quickly went to the bed. He woke up. I smiled. Finally, my love is awake.

"You're in our home," i said as my tears flowed down to my cheeks. I opened the drawer and took his diary.

"Read it so you can understand," i said and gave him the diary.

"Why would i read that shit?" he asked arrogantly. It surprised me. It's the first time that he said those words to me after waking up.

"It's your m-memories," i answered. He took the book from my hand, glaring at me.

"Go," he said.

"W-What?"

"I said get out of my sight so i can read this shit—memories you say," he answered.

Of course that broke my heart even more. I quickly went back to my table and seated.

I placed my knees together and my hands on its top. I cried a lot. I'm stressed out and he couldn't remember me. He even acted arrogantly.

I cried my heart out before i continued doing my projects. I didn't even rest, for i have to submit these papers early tomorrow. I always glance at him and he's just reading it with his brows met.

I sighed. I'm sleepy.

I closed my laptop and cleaned my mess after i finally finished what i have to finish. It was a very long and tiring day. I want to sleep.

I walked towards the bed where Joshua is sitting while reading the book. I rushed towards the pillow and closed my eyes.

"I hope you can still remember me and your love to me. I hope.."

'that when i wake up, you already remembered me,' I continued inside my head and closed my eyes as tears slowly pooled down into the pillow.

"I'm so sorry."

I opened my eyes because i heard some sobs. I quickly rolled out and looked at Joshua who's crying beside me.

"W-What happened?" i asked and hugged him. I patted his back. I'm worried.

"I'm sorry for giving you so much pain. I'm so sorry that while you were into hard situations, i was on this bed, just sleeping and could not even remember you. I was not on your side when you needed help. I gave you a lot of stress. I'm very sorry.." he said, crying.

My tears pooled down as i closed my eyes tightly. It clenches my heart.

"It's a-alright.." i said and patted his back. "It's o-okay.." i said while wiping my tears.

He broke the hug and faced me. His wet eyes met mine. "Why are you like this?" he asked. "Why are you still loving me?!" he bursted out. "I gave you pain. I only give you problems!"

Tears can't stop falling from my eyes while listening.

"Your life would be so good if you didn't meet someone like me who's ill. Because of me, you're living your life miserably!" he said, crying.

He punched himself and i stopped his hands.

It hurts me seeing him like this, saying those words to me.

"It's my fault! Why did i ask for your help that time?" he said, punching himself. "You could've live in peace, without worries."

I closed my eyes tightly as the pain clenched my heart. My tears were unstoppable.

"Shan, i really am sorry. I apologize. I'm sorry for asking your help. Sorry that you met someone like me—" He did not manage to continue what he was saying when i slapped him.

"Sorry for what? You're sorry because i met you? You're sorry because i helped you? Joshua! Get yourself together! That was my choice, why are you apologizing for it? You're hurting me even more!" i answered.

He stayed silent. He wiped his tears as he went to the cabinet, getting his clothes from it and placed it on his bag.

I rushed towards him. " What are you doing?!" i exclaimed.

"I-I'm leaving you, for good," he answered, still getting his things.

"W-What?" I asked. He stopped and faced me.

His teary eyes stared on me. "Do you love me?" he asked, trying to prevent his tears from flowing.

"S-So much.." i answered. My tears continued flowing from my eyes.

"Then set me free," he said. His tears fell to his cheeks. "Set me free so i can live without hurting and worrying you. Set me free so you can live your life again like the way it used to be."

I fell on my knees. I held his hands and begged him. "Don't leave me," i said, crying out loud.

"Sorry.." he said and moved away his hands from me. He went to the bed and picked up his diary.

He flipped the pages and stopped at the middle. "Memories of us," he whispered.

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