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kimchitsu17 · 19 days

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no strings attached | armin arlert

a/n:this is my first ever piece,please be gentle with me 🙏🏾

his head rests in your shoulder.rapid short breaths leaving him after his high.

"I'm sorry,I couldn't help it" he pants as he nuzzles further into your neck.Your fingertips meander gently through his soft golden locks,a comfort for the war torn soldier."it's okay,I was up for it anyway",you sigh.

his bare torso rests atop of yours,legs tangled together in the soft linen sheets and his fingers trace mindless patterns into your waist.the sun is about to rise and he wants to savour as much of your warmth as he can before he has to leave you again.if it was up to him, he'd stay locked up in your quarters with you for all his days but a commander can only dream.

he can't call what you have with him a relationship,not really since he can't show you off to the world like he wants to.he cant hold your hand or kiss your cheek around your comrades.in this crippled military camp you call a home,you cant afford the luxury of having such a precious thing.all energy must go to the war effort.to rescue Eren.not to mention both of you can die at any moment.having incurred so much grief over the years,itd be best not to form any more ties that could be severed in an instant by the titans.so he settles for this little haven.

With a kiss to his forehead you whisper, "I have patrol in the morning with Jean".his hands tighten around your waist and an agitated groan leaves him as soon as you say those words.you can feel his pout against your neck.Mornings are always the hardest for the both of you."You need to go now or we're gonna get caught you know" you peek at him,a smile stretching over your face.

He lazily lifts his face from your neck to look at you directly.A long silence ensues between you then as he just stares at your face.hes always been one to stare and its never awkward or weird.its never like that with him.youve concluded that he just enjoys watching you.likes seeing you light up at Sasha and Connie's jokes.Likes seeing you puzzled over battle strategies with Levi.Likes seeing tears roll down your cheeks when he make you come for the third time in a row at night,grinning at your exhausted and too blissed out frame.(he'll never admit the last one to you but you've caught on to how his baby blues dance every time youre on the verge of crying when he pleasures you)

right now though he's trying to soak up all your features before he has to go.he starts with your eyes,marveling over the sunlight glinting against your dark irises.he loves how your lashes frame over them making you all the more beautiful.he drinks you in from your unruly black hair,your warm supple dark skin to your pink two-toned lips, undoubtedly his favourite body part of yours.

God how he loves your face.God how he loves you.He wishes he could tell you that,but he knows what you agreed upon.No strings attached.That was the very first rule of your agreement.You made it clear to him that you're just two good friends trying to blow off some steam on a war ridden island but he could never reduce what you two have to something so minor.

he sees the way you hold his gaze when you talk about all the things you want to do when the war is over.as if you're hoping he'll be there to do all those things with you.(he desperately wants to be there with you too).after all youve already promised him a trip to the sea anyways.

the way you get absolutely drunk over his kisses is too obvious to miss.what starts off as a few sweet pecks turns into a full blown out makeout session.how you grind into his lap and pull him closer to your already flush bodies makes him see stars.your sweet sighs that enter his mouth,his name loose on your lips,too blissed out on his touch to think of anything else and his hands roaming anywhere you let him."just friends" don't do that.And he cant mistake how you scour frantically for his frame after every battle for anything else but affection.You worry for him.You love him.He knows you love him.Youre just too scared to admit that and he doesn't want to destroy what he has with you.so he'll adhere to your wishes of "just being friends"...for now.

He's the first to break the silence with a sly smirk on his face."I love what you did with your hair.Who styled it for you?".Without a second to waste,he swiftly pecks your lips and rises from the bed before you can flick his forehead.

He knows your smile has already gone flat from his jest as he crouches to the floor for his scattered clothes.Both of you know damn well your hair looks like it got hit by a thunderstorm because of all the ungodly activities he partook with you last night,in addition to what he just did a few minutes ago.

"Good morning to you too Commander".he snickers at your blatant "not welcoming your bullshit" tone, shrugging his crumpled shirt on. "come on now y/n were way past using titles now and you know i always think you look pretty"

You roll your eyes at that statement,equally getting dressed for the morning.you decide it best to hit the washrooms later with the small amount of time that's left.

You've both gotten so used to this routine of yours.sneaking around into each others rooms in the dead of night.blaming your training regimen for sore limbs and fatigue when the other soldiers ask why you're both so tired in the morning.chalking up questionable excuses for the gross amounts of time the two of you spend during the week whenever anyone asks about it.

you know you both can't keep this up forever.soon enough the arms of war are going to incinerate the little haven you've created.but for the time being you decide to ignore fate.kiss him goodbye.let him remind you it's your turn tonight to come over at his.and settle for stolen glances throughout the day until the cover of night when you can embrace him once again.

~Fin~

#armin arlet x reader #armin arlert x black reader #armin smut #aot smut with fluff #armin arlert x you #armin arlert smut #aot smut #attack on titan

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teyamsatan · 1 year

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Illicit Affairs | Chapter III: Exile

Pairing: Neteyam x Human!Reader (later Avatar!Reader)

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: Your 18th birthday has finally arrived, and with it, a gift that will change your life and your relationships - forever.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, cursing

Word Count: 3,9k words

A/N: Hi Guys! The 3rd chapter is finaaally here, and 'm happy to say that whilst so far everything's been mostly intro and world building, things will be picking up very quickly. Hope you enjoy this story of two very broken people finding each other <;3

"You were my town Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door"

You didn’t dare look back at Neteyam. No, you kept a straight face and your gaze forward as you walked towards the village, engaging in small talk with your 3 friends, who were more than willing to fill in the silence by themselves. They knew you liked to keep to yourself and knew better than to take it personally.

Your friends also knew, despite not mentioning, that this is a colossal feat, getting you out of the lab, getting you to leave your comfort bubble that you, willingly or unwillingly, built for yourself the past 18 years. Kiri fondly remembers you as a child, wild and free, running around barefoot on the grass and mud as if Pandora and her trees were just your own personal playground. She took a small gander at your feet, now safely covered with a pair of black Converse sneakers, the likes of which she’s seen other humans wear before and tried not too dwell on all the moments that lead you here.

You arrived at the village after a long, pleasant walk. You were fascinated with the Pandora flora, and wondered if you were ever going to get used to it, ever not have your breath hitch in your throat at its beauty. You hoped not. Your heart started to race as the sound of people idly chattering filled your ears. Soon enough, you began to see fire and tents, as the Na’vi were making their way back home at the dusk of another day. You saw some of them removing game from the back of their pa’li, others filleting a huge fish that you recognised as a dinicthoid, and as you walked further in, saw kids running around playing with toy ikrans and laughing amongst themselves, as their mothers lay on the ground watching them in adoration.

This place filled you with so much warmth. It was clear to you the bond these people had to each other, to the clan, to the nature surrounding them, was something you will never experience for yourself, something your mum talked incessantly about every day, and you suppressed a small cry at the sudden loss of a connection you didn’t even know you longed for until now.

You made your way to the biggest tent you could reasonably see, one that you quickly recognised as the Sully family tent. It was ornate and adorned with intricate designs and two large fire lamps framing each side of the opening. It was a sight to behold, and you realised that it hasn’t changed much since you last visited. You also started to take note of the stares boring into your side from all around you and felt grateful at how close you were to the tent’s entrance.

Almost on command, Jake Sully peered out of the tent and you watched as a wide smile replaced his previously confused expression. He was a handsome man, as much so now as he was in the still frames of your past. He was dressed in celebratory garments, a fiery red loincloth dropping from his waist and a dazzling beaded neck piece that matched. He had several arm bands circling his arms, and you took note of the way the colour palette matched that of Toruk, and how well that seemed to compliment him. He was a handsome man, you thought to yourself. Damn the Sullys and their genetics.

“Y/N, my God you’ve grown. What the hell happened??” He said, enthusiastically. He circled you curiously and eyed you intently. You tried not too blush at the sudden scrutiny and how it mirrored your own just a few moments ago. “You have time to lift weights in between experiments??”

You let out a small laugh. “Hi, Jake. It’s good to see you, it’s been a while.”

“It’s been too long. You never visit, but we’re hoping that will change soon.” He said, then eyed the kids behind him, and whatever expression he was met with made him quickly bite on his bottom lip and turn around, as if to stop himself from saying any more.

A small shriek came from behind him, one that you instantly recognise and you smile widely at the little girl, who, since you last saw her, somehow became as tall as you.

“Tuk-tuk”, you say warmly and watch the animated figure jump up and down and encircle you roughly in a bear-hug. Damn, she’s stronger than you already, you sighed.

“Y/N! I have missed you so muchhh, you have to ask mum and dad to let me come to the lab more often, I never get to see you anymore!!” She cried in your neck, still holding on to you for dear life.

“I know, dear girl. I missed you, too. I’ll make sure it will never be this long before we see each other again, how does that sound?” You speak to this child you love like your own sister in Na’vi, her English skills the least proficient. She nodded her head vigorously and with that, let go.

She took your hand in hers and made her way into the tent, and you felt relief flood your being at finally being out of people’s sights. Two majestic women, tall and mighty as the Valkyries in your mum’s Norse Mythology books stood by the fire. They were chatting softly to each other and stopped as they heard you come in.

Neytiri and Mo’at looked at you intently and you felt yourself cower under the intensity of their gaze. Neytiri slowly approached you with movements so nimble and fluid you were thinking she could have made a career as a ballerina back on Earth.

After a while, she kneeled on the ground in front of you and placed her long, toned arm on your much tinier shoulder.

“My Child, you have grown so much.” She smiled kindly at you, and you felt yourself tear up at her choice of words addressing you.My child…

Before you could stop yourself, you felt your arms cross the space between you and circle her neck. The necklace she was wearing scratched your skin painfully, but you didn’t care. “I see you. I’m sorry.”

Neytiri’s arms tightened around you and you heard a smile in her voice as she said “Oh, my sweet child, you don’t have to be sorry.”

You spent the evening catching up. You told them about your work in the lab, about how you all scrambled to find any cure or at least partial treatment to the illnesses that seem to have escalated recently among the tribes’ people. They tell you about training, Lo’ak and Neteyam’s training as well as Kiri’s, who has been spending most of her time learning the ways of the Tsahik, having a natural skill for it.

You find yourself drooling at the delectable food, and are happy when Mo’at calls everyone to the meal around the fire pit in the centre of the tent. You wait for everyone to get a portion first, and smile fondly when Neyriti passes you a leaf with all the goodies on it. You dig in, realising how famished you actually were.

“So, Y/N”, Jake starts, “how does it feel being 18? I remember turning 18, don’t remember much else about that day though”, he says, smiling proudly to himself.

“Feels just the same as being 17, I’m afraid. Was really hoping the Universe might give me some sort of sign or epiphany or, anything, really, but, in reality, I feel the same as I did yesterday, and all the days before that. The food’s much better today, though” You finish with a grin, as you dig into another piece of teylu.

“Right, well, about that.. us and the kids thought, with you spending so much time on your own, you deserve a special birthday and some special gifts. Now you can see them in the corner of the tent there, but I warn you, you’re not allowed to open them until back at the lab.”

You peered over his shoulder curiously, and were again disappointed to have to wait for a surprise you didn’t want in the first place.

“After dinner, we can all go back to the lab, and you can open them in the hub while we watch, we know how much you love being surprised!”

“Wow, going out after curfew, I actually do feel kind of special.”

“You should, kid.”

Putting all the wrapped objects on the back of a Pa’li, you watched as Jake mounted his own and motioned for you to get on, in front of him. You did as you were told quietly, and the entire family made its way towards the lab. It was a much quicker journey back, and soon enough you found yourself dismounting in front of the cold heavy walls of the hub. Before you could enter though, Lo’ak passed you a cloth of some sort, and wordlessly asked for you to tie it around your eyes.

“Oh, come oon!”, you said with a deep groan, but obliged regardless. What was the point of resisting now. You knew one thing though, you were very excited to go back to bed tonight, as the emotional toll this day was taking on you was, although not worse than expected, heavy enough for you to feel its weight for days to come.

As soon as you entered the lab and removed your mask, you put the covering over your eyes, and felt Lo’ak, you knew, pick you up from the ground and carry you bridal style through the halls of the hub. You couldn’t quite tell where you were going, but you heard snickering behind you, and soon enough, Lo’ak put you down carefully and turned you around to face him.

“Now, Y/N, you’re gonna turn around and we’re going to need you to not pass out. Deal?”

“What? This is strange, guys.”

You felt him turn you around and felt gentle hands unwrap the cloth covering your eyes. Your eyes took a minute to adjust to the bright artificial light of the lab, and then pause.

One. Two. Three.

You couldn’t quite comprehend what was clearly displayed in front of you. You recognised your surroundings quickly enough. The Morgue, the other humans called it. A room where the avatars of the dead humans, now serving no purpose, were kept in their respective incubators. Your eyes were immediately drawn, as if on instinct, to your mum’s avatar. You never came here, you couldn’t. Your gaze then shifted to the incubator to the left of your mum’s, the one that hosted Grace Augustin, Kiri’s mum. On the right of your mum, though, there was usually an empty incubator. There, now floated and twitched a body, blue, tall and strong, connected to an artificial umbilical cord. You peered at it intently, something about it making you shift uncomfortably towards it. Suddenly, you felt yourself stiffen in shock, and heard a loud thud as the mask and the connecting oxygen pack dropped to the ground. The new blue body looked like… you.

Neteyam couldn’t stop staring at his baby brother’s back as he carried you in his arms, and he couldn’t stop the twinge of jealousy that bubbled deep beneath the surface.He got to carry you, he got to touch you, he got to laugh with you every damn time he pleased, and now he gets to introduce you to your new life.

Neteyam, just like the rest of his family, has known about this for months, maybe longer. Norm, his dad’s closest friend, came to the village one day and announced to the family that him and the rest of the scientists worked tirelessly for years to figure out a way to make you an avatar, and with a lot of help from your deceased’s mother’s work and research, as well as some of her DNA, they cracked the code. The newly made Avatar was a miracle of sorts, nobody having thought it would be possible to create on Pandora, so far from all the resources normally used to make one back on Earth. But they did it, and it will be ready in time for your 18th birthday. Norm wanted to make sure, if it succeeded and you accepted it, they will in turn accept you in the village, just like they accepted Jake so many years ago. He wanted you to be able to have a life, not just a body, and be able to finally be free of the shackles you have created for yourself for years on end.

Neteyam couldn’t tell how he felt about it, partly due to the fact he’s stopped himself from thinking about it since he’s found out. Whilst his siblings and even parents were buzzing in excitement, he was scared. If you were to now be there, in the village, in his life, every day, he will be forced to deal with you, with the two of you, and the feelings he knew were buried in him for a reason. He stopped at the top of the stairs of the room where he knew the Avatar lay. Nobody cared about him at the moment, and, as a result, was relieved to figure out he doesn’t have to join you in the room and see your future body, currently inanimate and floating in liquid he didn’t know or didn’t want to know the origins of. If this was to happen anyway, he’d rather meet you properly, and see if the same flicker of curiosity and unruly smile could ever reflect in the same way it does on your current face, the one that still haunts his dreams.

You couldn’t formulate words… or thoughts, for that matter. You stared at the Avatar for what it feels like hours, and finally, Norm cleared his throat and spoke.

“I know this is a lot to take in. But we wanted your 18th to be special, Ace. We have been working in secret for years to get this done, because you deserve it. You deserve the world, and you can’t have it in this lab. This world also deserves you. So now you can go and show it what you’ve got.”

“We’re so happy for you to join us, my child.” You heard Neyriri join in.

“Do you want to see the gifts we made for you?” Tuk jumped in, enthusiastically.

With a last look at your Avatar, you turned around and faced the people you knew would be looking at you expectantly. You didn’t know what the feelings you were feeling were, but they were all fighting to take over, and you felt yourself becoming dizzy. Steading yourself, you recognised that words will have to appear on your tongue sooner or later, and you managed to get out a whisper “Sure, Tuk-tuk, let’s go!”

Everyone around you exchanged weird looks; they really thought you would be a lot happier about this than you were. You tried your best to put on a happy smile and react in the way you knew people would be wanting you to; after all, this was indeed an incredibly nice, thoughtful and attentive gift, not to mention damn fucking impressive, and whatever trauma the thought of having to pilot this Avatar brought in you, it was something you were going to have to deal with by yourself, later.

“Guys, I know I have not reacted in a way appropriate for the sheer insane size and meaning of this gift, but I promise that despite my very slow processing times, I am incredibly grateful and happy for this. I cannot believe something like this is even possible, and I can believe even less that it was done for me! But while I struggle to comprehend the magnitude of what’s going to happen to me, let’s open some presents!!”

You made your way slowly towards the recreation hub where all the packages were placed on one of the long tables. You chuckled awkwardly and took one of them in your hands. The wrapping, you realised, was the same material like the one used to make the Na’vi loincloths.

The one you held in your hands currently was blue. You unwrapped it, careful as to not damage it at all, and was shocked to see a dazzling necklace, one of the most beautiful ones you have even seen. It was a leather chocker, which adorned green and red stones, and it reminded you a lot of the bracelet you were currently wearing. You turned around and looked at Kiri, whose masterful hands you knew crafted it. She was sitting on one of the benches and you couldn’t help become emotional looking at your friend, your amazing friend, who you have known all of your life, and who always collected trinkets from the woods, trinkets that now will decorate your new body.

The next package was heavier, and upon opening it, you were shocked to discover a rider’s mask, like the one the Na’vi wear when flying an Ikran; it was brown and braided and had bones adorning it. The lenses were translucent and shone in iridescent hues as you looked at it from all angles. You were in awe at the inadvertent admission that someone thought you capable of one day passing the Iknimaya, and you felt quite confident in saying Lo’ak was the master behind this gift.

“I thought, you will definitely need it one day, and I wanted to get a jump start.” He says, as if reading your mind. “You may not know it now, but I think you were born for this, Angel.”

You had no words to say to that, but were touched at how Lo’ak always seemed to believe in you more than you believed in yourself. You took a silent oath to try to live up to the version of you Lo’ak kept with him in his heart.

The second to last package was also quite small and seemed to rattle as you picked it up. As you unwrapped it, you didn’t quite make sense of the bundle of feathers and chains, but eventually Neytiri kindly stepped in and untangled it, and you realised it was a top, a beautiful, sheer top, and you found it hard to believe this will actually cover anything. You were excited to put it on though, and felt a tingle of anticipation for tomorrow that was not there before… these were yours, for your body, for your future, a future where riding your own Ikran might be more than just a dream of an out-of-reach fantasy.

“Thank you so much.” You wanted to say more, you wanted to tell them the turmoil in your heart and how scared you truly were, and how you wish they would understand and reach over and heal the broken mess that was your mind so you could finally just go, get out of this place and make your life something actually worth living, but you couldn’t make any other words come out. So you just said thank you.

As the family and the scientists continued chatting, you managed to slip by unnoticed out of the recreation hub and made your way down the hall, looking for the missing Sully you knew would be somewhere in here, by himself. You were so mad at him, so much resentment had built up in you from the year you’ve spent apart, from the less than ideal reunion, and from his continuous attempts to avoid you at all costs. It was your birthday, for god’s sake. He could at least pretend to be happy to be here, even if only for the sake of the memories you shared.

You found him in your room, looking over the books in your makeshift library, mindlessly playing with something in his large hands. His ears twitched as you approached, an obvious sign he heard you, but made no effort to acknowledge your presence. You half smiled at the view, and tried not to remember all the other times he has been in your room, just like he was now. You sat on your bed and waited patiently for him to speak, like you once used to do. It might take some time, but he always spoke.

“I don’t think you should do it.” He says, without looking at you.

“You think I shouldn’t do what?”

“This, the Avatar thing. I think it’s a bad idea.”

You sat there, in silence for a while while his words twirled in your mind like his green bracelet was twirling in his hands. You didn’t realise your mouth was wide open until you felt it dry up and you swallowed involuntarily in response.

“Excuse me?”

He turned around to face you and you saw a hard look mark his features, the old Neteyam, your old Neteyam merely a long-forgotten dream.

“You’re not going to make it, Y/N. You haven’t spent more than a week outside in the past 3 years. You may think you got this, cause you work out in a dark stuffy room with some weights and jump a rope, but it’s not going to mean jack shit when you’re out there, in a wilderness so harsh it claims brave Na’vi men and women’s lives every day. You may think you know everything because you sit here hunched over books written by humans who couldn’t see even if it hit them in the face with a stick, but you know nothing about the real world. Nothing about what’s waiting for you starting tomorrow, if you do this. Tell Norm no.”

The rage you felt blossomed like deadly nightshade and you knew whatever it was you once felt for Neteyam was dead and buried six-feet-under in that moment. You let out a bitter chuckle and rose up from the bed, placing your body in front of him.

“You know, when I saw you standing here, in my room, after all this time, I felt some sort of sick hope. I hoped you had finally come to your senses and decided you would apologise for the way you’ve treated me. For the way you left. I’m not stupid, believe it or not. I never expected whatever we had to last. After all, it was only a matter of time before the mighty future Olo’eyktan realised his attentions are better focused on more worthwhile things, like training, or, I don’t know, finding the best future Tsahik. I always expected you to outgrow me. I just had an ounce of hope you would have enough decency to do it while looking me in the eye. I felt like I earned that, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you.”

“You know, I fucking hate surprises. I just never thought you’d be one of the reasons why.”

The silence felt heavy and all you could hear was your panting breath, as you were trying to reign in your tempestuous emotions and the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes.

“Get the fuck out of my room, Neteyam.”

You found yourself forcefully taking the bracelet from his much larger hand and removing yourself from his path, motioning towards the open door. He left without saying a word and you shut the door behind you with a loud thud.

So far 18 was not your favourite age.

#neteyam #neteyam x human!reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfic #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar twow #avatar fanfic #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam angst #awow #awow neteyam #loak reader #avatar loak #Youtube

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pynkgothicka · 11 months

Text

ＷｉｔｈｏｕｔＹｏｕＫＳＪ

Synopsis - When you try to break things off with Jin, your life seemingly gets worse almost immediately.

Pairing - Dark! Kim Seokjin x Fem! Reader

Featuring - Nia Long, Park Jimin

Tags and Warnings - Very manipulative Jin and suggestive content

Authors Note - I LUV JIN!! Next fics will be requests!!

A friendly reminder that all my works are dark fanfiction! The BTS members aren't like this at all, this is a work of dark fiction. Please if you do not like that do not read them! This is your final warning before hitting the keep reading button!!

“Kiss me.”

Eyes trained on your lover, you ground yourself further into his lap, connecting your lips at his command.

Kim Seokjins lips tasted like cherries, and his tongue pried his way into your mouth.

The relationship started when Jin saw you struggling to bring your newly rented college text books up to your dorm. He had sweet talked his way into your heart.

He then gave you his phone number, after a while of talking asked you if you wanted to be with him officially. And with the promise of money, enticed you as a broke college student. It didn't matter to you but god did it make things better

Plus it was merely a plus he was attractive and actually a good “boyfriend.” His black hair framed his almost perfectly structured face. He'd always spoil you too, always bringing you candy when meeting up and getting you the most luxurious of dresses.

However things weren't always peachy, at least from your perspective. Something that put you off almost immediately after finding out was the fact that Jin was still married to his wife. And it seemingly made you the “other woman.”

You were aware of her, but you didn't think she was aware of you. And that just felt wrong for you to do. That woman doesn't deserve that treatment, and you had to be the one to bring up.

“Jin baby, can we talk?” You mumbled against his lips. Jin pulled away, you still straddling his leg. His thumb rubbed small circles into your right thigh.

“Of course, what's wrong?”

“Jin, I don't think I can keep doing this.” You said letting out a sigh. Jins harsh brows furrowed in, his face contorting into one of almost anger. “I… I don't like what we're doing to your wife. Its just wrong to me.”

“No, baby it's not wrong… I'm going to divorce her soon. You know I only love you.” Jin almost immediately said. You could feel yourself becoming lost in his eyes and sweet words again.

“Jin I don't want to do that to her! Plus it just makes me the other woman too you. I don't want that for myself. I don't want that for us.” You could feel yourself tear up at the confrontation. You didn't want to break up with him, he's one of the best things you'd ever experienced as you left home.

“Fine. Go.” Jin said with a sense of finality. He let you off his lap as he turned away to be left alone on the bed. You got up and grabbed your purse, leaving his house. You looked back one last time to see him looking out the window, he then closed the curtains as soon as his eyes connected to your own.

It felt strange leaving without him as he usually brought you back to your dorm.

You begrudgingly picked up your phone dialing your roommate to come pick you up, as you made your way to a nearby gas station.

“Hi, Nia? Yeah are you at the dorm right now?”

“Yeah I was about to go out, why?”

“I need a ride…”

“What happened to yours? Didn't you get picked up by your mysterious boyfriend??”

“Listen I just need a ride. I don't want to talk about it.”

“Fine. I'll come get you. Where are you?”

🔏

It'd been a few weeks since you ended things with Jin.

You didn't see, nor hear from him at all.

That what hurt the most.

It wasn't the fact that you were now back to eating tv dinners every other night. Or maybe the fact that you'd lost a reliable ride in a city majorly unknown to you.

It was the fact that you seemed that disposable.

And with that you began to cry again, putting your head into your pillow. You'd been crying for days at this point, missing one of the few men who treated you right.

Then Nia poked her head in your room, then seething through her teeth. “Listen girl, I’m going out. You need anything?” You shook your head, wiping away your tears in order to look directly at her. “Alright just call if you need something! And I'll send a pizza to the apartment soon.” And with that Nia left.

Finally you began to think, your mind running at a thousand miles a hour. You knew you needed to begin some self improvement.

Maybe you should go out?

No that gives you a chance to see Jin. And you really don't want to encounter him when you look so disheveled.

Maybe you could get back into online dating?

Yeah. That should work out good. Maybe all you needed to do was swipe left and right endlessly.

All you needed to do was get lost in your screen. It was a short escape, but a needed one.

🔏

Everything was finally going somewhat right.

Online you meet a college student by the name of Park Jimin. He was a dance major, and has been looking forward to meeting someone new. And after spending a week of talking every night on the phone, Jimin asked you out to a bar. He said it looked shady from the outside but he'd be willing to walk you inside.

Making sure you were all made up, you dug in your closet for a nice dress. Sadly a good chunk of your dresses was from Jin. Your eyes landed on a nice red party dress your ex-lover gave you. Looking in the mirror you smiled before leaving the apartment.

Me: I'm going out!

Nia🦋: finally!!!!!! ok stay safe! im hanging out with a friend for the nite 💋

You smiled at your phone, knowing atleast Nia was a decent dorm mate.

🔏

When you finally arrived at the bus stop Jimin wanted to meet you at, it was dark and empty. Only a single light stood across the way.

But you wanted to see Jimin in the real world. It was like a test, just to see if you were truly over Jin.

So you sat down and waited.

And waited…

And waited.

And not a single soul dared to show up. You sent a bunch of messages asking about Jimins whereabouts. But you didn't get a response.

Now you were breaking down, loud sobs echoing in the desolate spot.

“Baby?”

You looked up in the direction of the voice seeing no one other than Kim Seokjin. And you couldn't be more relieved. Maybe you failed your test in just that moment.

Jin pulled up parking his luxury car on the curb. He got out and made his way to you. His hair looked as gorgeous as ever, his lips curling into a genuine smile.

He kneeled down and placed a hand under your chin. He moved your face to look up at his. Your makeup was ruined, red matching your dress. “Jin, I'm sorry… I… I need you. I need you so bad. I don't know what I'd do without you.” Your arms wrapped around his neck.

Jin placed a hesitant hand on the back of your head, letting you cry into his neck. “It's okay. I'm going to take you back to my house alright. Don't worry okay, your going to be just fine.”

He stood up and held your hand, pulling you up. You leaned into his shirt, his fruity, earthy scent taking you over once again. A scent you missed desperately.

🔏

Jin had thought of it all.

His hand played with your hair as he watched you sleep peacefully in his bed. You looked so comfortable, so at peace.

He slowly drained all your funds from your bank account, leaving you to be in perfect position to need his money.

He hacked your phone, realizing you were going to meet a new guy, and paid him off to send you up. This made you realize just how dependent on his love.

Jin just couldn't think of existing in a world without you.

#dark writing #tw dark content #yandere #tw yandere #yandere x reader #yandere blog #tw gaslighting #ksj #yandere kim seokjin #kim seokjin #bts fanfiction #bts yandere #yandere bts #Spotify

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jaebeomsbitch · 11 months

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Eddie's Mixtape Vol.2

Strutter

Summary: Visiting a bar in the middle of the week was not your best idea but when you see the band you start to think you made the right decision. The curly haired singer unknowingly dedicates your favorite song to you.

Warning: Flirting, making out, lots of swearing, slightly threatening

AN: Don't let my last fic fool you, I usually don't write Eddie as sickly sweet as I did in Best Friend's Kisses. Strutter by Kiss! Song about confident ladies walking around New York.

You didn’t know what you were doing in this dingy bar, it reeked like dirt and cheap liquor. You can’t help but scope out the place, looking for a cute guy to pass the time with. Unfortunately for you there were only drunkards and old men littering the place. That is until the band came on, you didn’t pay too much attention at first, burying your head in your drink as you sigh in defeat.

“This is our last one, dedicated to the pretty lady at the bar,” The voice says. Now that catches your attention. You look up, seeing a hot guy, some of his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. The familiar beat comes on, “I know a thing or two about her, I know she’ll only make you cry,” he sings. His voice oddly suits the song. This was one of your top favorite songs, the type that gave you the courage to wear mini skirts and low tops to flirt with men. Now he has your attention, “Everybody says she lookin’ good, and the lady knows it's understood. Strutter,” he continues, bobbing his head with the beat. You see the glint of metal adorning his fingers as he grips the mic.

A man with a face like that and has good taste? You could fall to your knees at that second. Instead you decide to play coy, taking a bill out of the strap of your bra sliding it to the bartender. You briefly make eye contact with the singer as you leave the bar, stopping outside to smoke a cigarette. You lean against the wall, one of your heels perched against the brick as you take a long drag. The sound of laughter breaks through the entrance of the bar as the band walks out.

“I told you, you never stood a chance,” A curly haired boy with freckles all over his face says. You tap the cigarette, getting rid of the ash.

“Agreed, she was way above your league,” Another one says, shrugging on his leather jacket.

“Speak of the devil,” The one who had dedicated the song to you said. His face smug, turning to look at his friends, “Start loading the van,” He commands. They all protest but he glares at them instantly shutting them up.

“Like the show?” He asks, approaching you. You take another drag staring into his eyes, you liked leaving people in silence, making them squirm.

“You were… alright,” You say, dropping the cigarette and crushing it with your heel.

“I think we were more than alright, princess,” He laughs, a smirk framing his face.

“Well aren’t you confident,” You say, picking at your nails.

“I’m good at stuff like that” He says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Like what?” You ask.

“Knowing what I’m good at and what I’m not,” He says, taking a step closer to you.

“Oh yeah? And what are you good at because that was– rough,” You tease, squaring your shoulders so you’re looking directly at him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” He teases back, fingers brushing the side of your exposed arm.

“Hmm, not really,” you give him a sarcastic smile. You liked this, liked a guy who was confident in himself. Didn’t shy away from a confident lady.

“I think you do, you wouldn’t be standing here all alone with a stranger if you weren’t even just a little bit interested,” His voice grows husky.

“Just having a cig,” you respond, rolling your eyes.

“You know, I’ve been told I’m really good with my fingers being a guitarist n’all,” He says, hand raising to tilt your chin up toward him.

“Really? I guess you’ll just have to prove it to me,” You lick your lips, ‘accidentally’ brushing the tip of his thumb. His pupils are wide, the molten chocolate almost entirely black as he moves his thumb deeper into your mouth. Out of instinct you swirl your tongue around it, sucking on his thumb and every so often flicking the top of it with the tip of your tongue. With every suck he’s walking you backward until your back is against the wall. You can’t help but gasp at the brick biting into your skin, his hips pressing into yours.

“There she is,” He smiles, it looks deviant and cocky.

“Well, we were so fucking wrong,” Someone laughs behind him. He slides his finger from between your lips, rubbing the saliva all over your chin.

“Fuck,” he says annoyed.

“I gotta give these guys a ride,” He says pointing to wherever they're at.

“Maybe I can give you a ride,” You say, hand running up his chest.

“God fucking damn it, I’m never forgiving these guys,” He says, mad.

“Well, go on, give em’ a ride. Maybe I’ll see you around… or not,” You pat his chest before walking toward your car. It was on the other side of the bar, you make a point to accentuate your hips with every step.

“She’s gonna fucking kill me,” He says, voice high pitched. As you’re unlocking your door, already annoyed that you struck out tonight, you hear a vague “Stay in the fucking van.” You can’t help but smile, he was determined, give him that. You hear heavy footsteps, as you lean against your car door.

“Knew you couldn’t resist me,” He smirks.

“Knew you couldn’t resist me,” You laugh, he was as eager as you were.

“Look at you, standing there all pretty. You dress up like this all the time?” He asks, pressing you against the door, hands on your hips.

“This is actually a more conservative outfit for me. Usually love to wear as little as possible,” You share, hand sliding up to pull at his chain. You pull him close enough to your face that you can see his freckles. His breath brushing against your lips.

“Where have you been hiding?” He sighs, then closes the distance between you two.

“Oh sweetheart, you’d see me from a mile away. I’m never one to hide,” You smirk, playing with the hair at his neck. You hear the very loud honk of his van along with the yelling of the other boys.

“Looks like you’ve got some baby sitting to do,” You sigh dramatically.

“I’m gonna fucking kill those guys,” He says annoyed. If he could, he’d fuck you here against the side of your car.

“Well, I’m always a woman of my word,” You say, twisting your upper body to grab a pen from your dashboard. You take his hand writing down your number before pulling him in for another kiss. You grip onto the silver chain that hangs from his pretty neck until you’re interrupted once again by the hollering of his bandmates.

“Okay wrap it up before you get in trouble for indecent exposure,” The curly haired one says.

“Shut the fuck up Gareth, you’re lucky I don’t abandon you all in the fucking parking lot,” He yells at the group.

“I’ll see you soon and that’s a promise. I’m also a man of my word,” He winks, walking backwards. He rounds the corner before coming back to it and yelling “My name is Eddie by the way, Eddie Munson.”

“See ya’ round Munson,” You yell back, getting into your car. You do hope you see him around, you never stuck around a place long enough to get to know anyone.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson / reader #eddie munson / you #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson au #rockstar eddie munson #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie x you #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson my beloved #eddie munson fic #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson imagine #older eddie munson

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chronosh0t · 19 days

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𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: canon-divergence ; Lee's pov ; sfw ; slightly angst. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 〔 NO BETA 〕

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: what if Lee got stuck in a loop? it's based on this tweet I posted weeks ago.

〔 if you like what I write or my edits, consider tip me on ko-fi. you'd help me a lot by donating me. thank you lots 〕

────────────── ❁ ──────────────

It has been so long, too long to count. Nonstop fighting for an end that is far from near, for a thin lay of hope that may or may not come out of the cruelty of reality. The light it's too dim, the air is too heavy, toxic and corrupted, no matter how deep every breath is, it never makes him feel better, less relaxed. Less lonely.

His hands are tired, his legs are having a hard time trying to keep up and his M.I.N.D is completely numb over time. Losing sense, and every single moment that peace seems to greet him, it flies past him as fast as one of his bullets. Breaking him in the silence of rejection, in the middle of the tower where escaping is not an option. For how long will this keep going? He does not know. And, to be fair, he doesn't want to know either. The crushing weight of having a clock ticking, counting what's left and what's yet to come, is not pleasant.

So he opted to ignore it. He made the decision, that day, to do the job only he was able to do. Because that was his sole purpose, at least for now, as much as he wished to change this twisted fate, it wouldn't be fair for those outside. If he was the only one capable, then so be it. Sacrifices must always be done. Be it time, or his own life. Just for the illusion that outside everyone is safe. He will stand over and over, shoot his gun, kill whoever or whatever gets in his way, for a slim chance.

There are short moments when everything is quiet, when not a single cry from despair could be heard, except for his erratic breathing, his feet dragging him to the stairs to finally take a seat after hours of battles and the loud noise of his weapon against the floor. He closes his eyes for a few seconds before taking a small device to call them. He just wants to have a few minutes to talk. Hoping. Wishing.

The call makes it through, and two faces greet him, smiling happily. The girl in red breaks the silence first.

ㅤㅤㅤ“It's been a while, Lee.” she stops, as if pondering if it's plausible to ask about his condition when it's obvious. “How are things on your side?”

ㅤㅤㅤ“Nothing new. The fights are endlessly annoying but, it's fine. I'm fine.” His voice cracks at the end, how terrible he has been at lying lately, or maybe he is too tired to pretend. Lee knows his teammates are aware of his state.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Lee…” the soft voice from Liv seemed to echo inside the tower, he nods and smile, “I know it's useless to say but, do please take care of yourself. I also know you're capable but.. We are worried about you. Especially Commandant.”She finished, her pink eyes showing great concern.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Commandant is a bit busy now. We would've called him but I know you have your ways.” Lucia explained, a chuckle escaped from her mouth.

Lee laughs at that. Indeed, he has his ways to contact his Commandant. “Thank you, I really mean it.” He finally spoke, the bitterness can be tasted, smelled and felt. Too heavy. “My time is running out. When I get another break, I will try to contact you guys again. Please take care.” He smiles again, and ends the call.

There's never a “goodbye”. Because he doesn't want to think about an end. As much as he is tired and his frame is at its limit on par with his M.I.N.D slowly losing complete focus from time to time, more often than not, Lee would reject the idea of a last call with his friends. That won't happen. He refuses to let that be part of his reality.

More often than not, he finds himself considering giving up and leaving, letting the wheel of destiny decide his punishment but there's something, someone, that keeps him from doing so. Or more like a “possible future”. Where there's no one, when the person he has come to cherish a little bit too much is no longer by his side, where his teammates are no longer walking with him but just a name in a marble stone. That was scary enough for him. The weight it's too much again.

His break is about to end. Taking a deep breath, he takes his device and taps a message and presses the send button, with the same address. For the same person. With the same words. He can feel an insufferable pain packing up inside his chest, filling the space between his ribs, crushing his artificial heart. He is shaking. His eyes are burning and tears are building up, but it's not the time.

It has never been. It probably never will.

He stands up, weapon in his hands. Time is running and it will never stop, no matter how many times he goes back, no matter how much he wishes and hopes, because time has never cared for that. So, for now, he just needs to keep going, and maybe one day, time will stop for him and he will be able to go back home. Go back to his friends. To his Commandant and be part of Gray Raven again.

…………

The digital screen beeps at the new message. He knows who sent it, and it's the reason he is also a bit reluctant to open it. He is always afraid it will be the last. His fingers trace the screen before lightly pressing over the email icon. A small text shows up, saying:

ㅤㅤㅤ“It's been a while. I know Liv and Lucia are there to take care of you, but I've got to know you enough to understand you're a magnet for troubles. So, don't do anything stupid.

ㅤㅤㅤ I don't have much time, there's nothing new. I am doing as fine as I can, you don't need to worry (I know you will, but don't let my situation distract you from your job, Commandant).

ㅤㅤㅤ ………… I miss you. I miss you a lot. It even hurts a bit sometimes. But I'm always hoping. Hoping that one day I will be by your side again, seeing you smile, holding your hand. I miss your warmth. The idea of going back to you, to Gray Raven keeps me going.

ㅤㅤㅤ I have to go. See you next time.”

And without knowing, despite the distance between them, tears were shed at the same time. Because time was the only thing connecting them.

#pgr #punishing gray raven #pgr lee #lee hyperreal #pgr global #canon divergence #oc x canon #sae pgr writings #pgr commandant #pgr fanfic

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purplesong1028 · 1 year

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The Worthy One

Chapter 4: The Worthy

“I can’t bring someone into your clan right now.” Paz takes another step closer. Now the blue helmet is right in front of his own. “But if you want, it would be my honor to have your clan join my House.”

Rating: General Audience

Paring: Paz/Din

Words: 4,277

About three weeks after the duel, Din can finally put on his full armor again. The wounds on his shoulder and back have healed nicely, leaving him two pink new scars.

Paz helped him to take off his bandage for the last time this morning. He stopped needing help a while ago, but decided not to disrupt their routine if Paz didn’t mention it first. Maybe the other mandalorian still felt guilty, and he enjoyed the kindness too much to put a stop to it.

It has never been this nice between them. They can have conversations without turning them into arguments or fights. Occasionally they can even make some jokes without irritating each other. He doesn’t know if he can call Paz a friend yet, but they are getting there.

Din takes one last look in the small mirror. He can only see from his chest above, but still, watching his body covered in the familiar silver beskar brings a deep sense of tranquility. It’s like growing back a layer of his own skin.

Din opens the door and steps out, already hearing Paz training with the armorer. The sound of beskar clicking with the Darksaber isn’t like anything he’s ever heard. It’s both harsh and harmonious, like the battle cry from two lovers.

“You have improved considerably, but you are still holding back.”

Paz remains silent, which is an acknowledgement in itself.

“Many emotions can weaken you against the blade,” the armorer approaches the larger mandalorian. Her smaller frame doesn’t diminish her commanding presence. “As I’ve told you, fear is the worst of them all.”

“Then perhaps I can help.” Din steps on the narrow metal bridge. He doesn’t know what Paz fears, but if there’s one thing that Paz isn’t afraid of, it’s him.

The armorer turns to him. “Are you fully healed?”

“I am.”

“Good, then you can resume your training.”

“I would like to train with Paz Vizsla,” He looks at the Darksaber in Paz’s hand, and then nods to the armorer, “with your permission.”

“That’s not a good idea.” Paz interrupts, “you just recovered, and you have no weapon to counter this blade.”

“Beskar armor is the best defense against it.”

Paz takes a small step back and slowly studies him from head to toe, like he’s trying to make sure if there’s someone else under the armor.

“Alor, please tell Din Djarin he has lost his mind.”

“It’s a bold suggestion,” the armorer gives him a long, thoughtful glance, “but not without reason.”

Paz looks between them incredulously. “You can’t be serious. This blade almost killed you last time!”

“And you didn’t let it.” Din steps forward. “If you could stop it then, you can stop it now.”

“This is a fair point, but you do need a weapon other than your armor.” The armorer puts an end to their disagreement, and signals him to follow her to the forge.

Din has seen all her tools, but hasn’t touched any of them except the hammer, which was used as a symbol of order during their covert meetings. Only the armorer has the right to forge tools, and for any other mandalorian, holding them even for a brief amount of time is a great honor.

He watches her open the cabinet and takes out a long stick. Maybe it has another name, but the only thing he knows is that the stick is used to push large pieces of beskar into the forge.

She offers it to him in silence. He bows, and then accepts it with both hands.

When Din walks back to the bridge, Paz is standing rigidly on the other end with the Darksaber in his hand, but it’s not activated.

“I still think this is a bad idea.”

“I know.” He says, getting into the right stance. “But alor was right. If you know what’s distracting you, you need to resolve it.”

Paz remains still for quite a while, and Din wonders if this is his way of saying no. But eventually Paz adjusts the Darksaber in his palm, and ignites it.

They walk towards each other, slow and steady. Din feels his strong heartbeats, slightly elevated, pumping hot blood throughout his entire body, from chest to fingertips. There’s not a single strand of fear, only excitement.

The Darksaber clashes with his beskar stick, right above his helmet. He grunts and tightens his grasp, right leg stepping back to offer more support. The blow felt stronger than his own, and certainly way more powerful than Gideon’s.

Paz pulls back, and then immediately comes for his left side. He rotates the stick, just in time to meet the blade again. Thankfully it’s long enough.

He pushes down on the other end of the stick, trying to move Paz’s blade with leverage, but the other mandalorian doesn’t move, not even an inch. Din feels his eyes widen. Paz is stronger than him, but definitely not this strong.

This has to be the Darksaber.

Their visors meet, and the gaze holds a little bit longer than necessary. Din takes advantage of the brief distraction and does a full spin, using the momentum of his entire body’s movement to throw Paz off balance.

Then he takes two quick steps forward, holding the stick out directly at Paz’s neck. A part of him wishes it was a spear to make his attack more threatening, but it’s also a good thing that the stick is unlikely to cause serious injury.

Only gaining half of his balance back, Paz barely manages to knock the stick away, which leaves his broad chest and abdomen open. Din smiles, charging forward with a series of quick strikes. He knows from experience that Paz won’t be able to block them all.

That is what happens first, the other mandalorian struggling to counter each strike, the Darksaber looking heavier with each movement. He can taste the sweetness of victory on the tip of his tongue.

But then something changes. He can’t tell what exactly, but he can sense it, just like how he sensed it last time, like the very definition of danger creeping around him, making the hair on his back stand up.

The edge of the Darksaber glows brighter for an instant, like a blink, but it’s over so fast that Din thinks he might have imagined it.

The next thing he knows, the Darksaber spins 180 degrees in the blink of an eye, clashing with his stick so hard that it knocks him back several steps.

He takes a hold of the stick with both hands, using it to balance himself so he doesn’t lose his footing. Then the Darksaber starts attacking him, faster than Paz has ever been yet equally strong, if not more.

He feels his palms sweat inside the gloves, fingers start getting numb after each impact. A strand of nervousness rises in his chest. He doesn’t know how well Paz can control the Darksaber now. Even if he won’t be killed, he can’t be completely certain that this won’t turn into another accident, and he really doesn’t want to get stabbed by that thing again.

Din blocks another attack right above his chest. He sees the blade moving down, so he shifts the stick to his abdomen, preparing for the next move. But then the Darksaber stops midair, and before he can understand what’s happening, it moves back up to his chest, clashing with the beskar armor.

Din hears a pained groan escaping his throat as the air gets knocked out of his lungs. It feels like a rock just hit him square in the chest, hard enough for him to see stars for a second.

He falls back on the metal ground, the stick almost slips from his fingers, but he manages to clutch it, holding it tightly above himself to prepare for another blow.

He sees Paz’s large frame looming over him. The Darksaber raises.

He holds the stick out.

The Darksaber deactivates. Paz holds out his left hand.

Din blinks at the sight, confused by this turn of events. The fight isn’t over yet. No one has yielded. As far as he can tell, neither of them are even injured. But Paz seems to think otherwise, so there’s no point in keeping his defensive stance on the ground. He takes Paz’s hand and gets up.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m good.” He briefly checks if there’s any damage on the beskar stick, although he knows that’s impossible. “That was impressive.”

“It was, indeed.” The armorer speaks, startling both of them. She gives Paz an acknowledging nod. “That was your best fight with the blade yet.”

“Really?” Din feels a rush of joy. It’s great when he wins, but to help someone else reach their potential brings another kind of pride. He gives Paz a firm squeeze on the upper arm without thinking. “I told you it was a good idea.”

The large muscle immediately tenses up under his touch. Thankfully the armorer speaks again, just in time to break the awkwardness.

“Take a break for now. Wielding the force can be draining. You might feel it later. And you,” she then turns to him, “you just recovered today. That was enough training for you.”

He didn’t miss her slightly stern tone, and frankly he deserves the warning based on his track record.

“As you wish, alor.” He offers the beskar stick back to her with both hands.

She takes it and walks off the bridge, returning to her forge.

“You improved fast. It’s only been three weeks.” Din leans back on a pillar at the side of the bridge. He doesn’t know if Paz would answer his question, but he’s too curious not to ask. “How did you make it…listen to you?”

Paz tucks the saber back to his belt. “It’s easier than you think. We were just going about it the wrong way.”

“How come?”

“I tried to focus on what I wanted, but it distracted me with what I didn’t want.”

Din nods, knowing exactly what Paz meant.

“But once I focused on what I didn’t want, it worked with me to prevent those things from happening.”

He frowns, “but isn’t that fear? I thought seeking power from fear would lead you down the dark path.”

“Maybe, but there’s a difference between fear and caution, but it’s a fine line.” Paz glances at the forge, and Din just knows it must have been the armorer who told him that.

“What is your caution then?”

Paz visibly stills at that, and Din bites his lip. He probably shouldn’t have asked such an intrusive question.

He was about to apologize when Paz answered.

“If I can’t control the blade, it will hurt the people I don’t want to hurt again.”

Din hears himself inhale, almost like a gasp. He presses his back tighter against the pillar behind him, suddenly feeling cornered.

“I didn’t…” He stutters, “I mean, that’s a noble cause. I can see why it works.”

Paz tilts his head slightly but doesn’t say anything, which makes him want to say more just to fill the silence but there are no words in his brain.

“I need to go,” he hurries to make an excuse, the first thing he can think of, “I need to do some maintenance on my weapons, haven’t touched them in a while.”

That’s not a lie. It’s just not as urgent as he makes it to be.

He turns to walk off the bridge before Paz can respond.

Din hears a knock on the door when he’s finishing up reassembling his blaster for the eighth time.

He can’t pretend he isn’t here. There’s nowhere else to hide.

“Come in.”

Paz closes the door behind him a lot more softly than usual, and stops a few steps from him, standing straight. “I have a proposition.”

“Ok?” Din unconsciously tightens his grip on the blaster, but then decides to put it down, not wanting to send the wrong message.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said that day about your clan, and how it wouldn’t be a clan with only one person left.”

“We’ve talked about that, haven’t we? A clan remains even when its members are scattered.” Din smiles while quoting Paz’s words. “You were right.”

“That is true, but I am suggesting something else.” Paz takes a step forward and takes a deep breath, loud enough for his helmet’s audio sensor to pick up. “If you want something more, someone who is here.”

What exactly is Paz asking? There are only three ways to grow a clan, by having children, taking in foundlings, or…wait. No, no way.

“Paz, no. Wait!” He speaks before he can stop himself. “Are you asking me to…” He can’t even say the next words out loud. Are you asking me to marry you?!

“To what?” Paz sounds equally confused, but then suddenly makes a half gasping sound, and lets out a sharp, awkward laugh. “No! I’m not asking you to take the riduurok, Din!”

“Oh, ok.” Din exhales heavily, his heartbeat gradually slowing down. There’s also sourness in his chest, but it’s barely noticeable, so he brushes it off. “What is it then?”

“Right, I can’t bring someone into your clan right now.” Paz takes another step closer. Now the blue helmet is right in front of his own. “But if you want, it would be my honor to have your clan join my House.”

Din feels his heart taking a strong beat, rushing all the blood to his head, making him dizzy, his cheeks flushed. “You are inviting me to join House Vizsla?”

“As I said, I don’t know where other Vizslas are, but we are a big House, and they are somewhere in the galaxy.” Paz takes a firm hold of the Darksaber on his belt. “One day, we can bring them all back together, and I would like you to be a part of that.”

Din licks his dry lips. His voice comes out hoarse. “Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, I know things have been better between us lately, and I’m happy about that.” Din tries to find the best words. He doesn’t want to lose their newly found friendship. “But inviting someone to pledge their clan to your House? That is the highest form of respect and recognition.”

“And you don’t think I have that for you?”

He remembers the time when Paz called him a coward and tried to take off his helmet, the debilitating pain when the Darksaber buried into his shoulder.

But then he thinks about the large hand pulling him up earlier, the concern in Paz’s deep voice asking if he was ok.

He’s been wanting to ask this for a very long time. “Do you?”

“I do.” Paz answers without hesitation. “You are one of the strongest warriors I have ever seen. You have been providing for our covert as the beroya for over a decade. You risked your life saving a foundling, and you have always followed the creed from the day you put on your helmet.”

Paz takes his hand earnestly.

Din’s heart drops.

“Din Djarin, it would be my honor if your clan would join House Vizsla.”

“I can’t.” It’s suddenly hard to breathe inside the helmet and he wants to choke. “I’m sorry, I…I can’t, Paz.”

The large hand stills around his, and then slowly drops. “I see.”

“No, Paz. It’s not…”

“Din, it’s ok. It’s your right to refuse.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Din, it’s ok, really.” Paz takes a step back, shaking his head. “You don’t need a reason.”

“I took off my helmet.”

He can hear himself breathing, ragged and elevated, in and out, in and out, but there’s not enough air. His chest tightens, heart beating violently trying to pump enough blood to sustain his failing body. He stumbles back and falls onto the bed.

“Twice, actually. I’ve been keeping it a secret.” It sounds like a whisper, almost a sob, but his face is numb and doesn’t know if there’s any tears. “But by creed, you’re now the Mand’alor, and I can’t bring this shame to your House. I’m sorry.”

For a while, their surroundings disappeared from his senses. The only thing left is his breathing, in and out, in and out, getting increasingly irregular.

“Why?”

He’s never heard Paz like that, confused and hurt. Betrayed.

“The first time was to save Grogu. I had to scan my face to get the coordinates of Gideon’s cruiser.”

He should look at Paz, face the disappointment and rage from a true mandalorians. He should bear the consequences of his own wrongdoing. But he can’t, his head is all of a sudden too heavy for his weak neck.

“And the second?”

“Before he left with the Jedi, he…wanted to see me.” Din shuts his eyes. Even now he can still feel Grogu’s tiny hand on his cheek. “I had to say goodbye.”

“So both times, you did it on your own free will.”

Din sees a drop of water falling on his gloved hand. So he has been crying. Another sign of weakness.

“I’ll leave by the end of the day, and you can…”

The thought alone brings a wave of gut-wrenching pain through this body. But he has to. This is The Way. He tightens his hands into fists, and forces himself to look up through blurred vision.

“You should take my armor.”

Paz takes a small step back as if he was physically struck by that statement. In the midst of overbearing agony, Din feels a sense of confusion. That’s what should happen to mandalorians who broke the creed. Paz out of everyone should know that.

“Not now, I need some time to think.”

“…I don’t understand.” He broke the creed. What’s there to think about?

“Just shut up and give me some time!” Paz snaps, but then takes a quick glance at the door and lowers his voice, “you never told me anything, for now, understood?”

No, he doesn’t understand at all. Why does Paz want to keep it a secret? Why isn’t Paz telling him to leave now?

Paz doesn’t seem satisfied with his silence. “Understood?”

He nods, although he still doesn’t.

Paz walks out, eerily calm on the surface, doesn’t even slam the door.

Din should have asked how much time Paz needed. It’s been over six standard hours, and he hasn’t left his room, barely even gotten up from bed.

Earlier he went to the fresher for a while to take off his helmet and stare into the mirror, trying to get used to the sight of his own face. He was going to live like that moving forward after all. But he didn’t last nearly as long as he wanted. His face seemed wrong, naked, strange. If he didn’t even want to see it himself, how could he expose it to everyone, all the time?

It’s already past dinner time and he’s not hungry. He can’t eat, can’t sleep. If Paz doesn’t come back by tomorrow morning, he’s going to confess to the armorer. Maybe he should just do it now. What news can Paz possibly bring him? The result won’t change. Waiting only prolongs his suffering.

Or maybe that’s what Paz is doing, although he really doesn’t want to believe it now, not anymore.

He wants to scream, or punch something.

Then the door opens.

He stands up from the bed so quickly that his vision goes black for a second.

Paz shuts the door behind them carefully and walks towards him. The bed is right behind him. He can’t back away.

“I’m not going to tell alor.”

“…What?”

“I thought about it. What you did isn’t forgivable by the creed, but here’s the thing.” Paz carefully places a hand on his pauldron. “I thought it would make me see you differently, but I don’t.”

“Why?” He feels like he’s been asking the same questions, but he can’t think of anything else to say.

“There have been a few others from our covert. Apostates.”

The word makes him shake a little. He tenses his muscles to force it down, as Paz continues.

“Some of them got their helmets removed in battle, because they were not stronger warriors than their enemies. Some of them couldn’t resist the temptation of lust or something else. But what you did…”

The large hand shifts from his pauldron to the upper arm where it’s unprotected by armor. The hold is firm and soothing.

“I tried to justify how it makes you a lesser person, but it doesn’t.”

Din feels dizziness spread from his head to the entire body, like he’s floating in the air. It’s a surreal experience, hearing something so wonderful about himself from Paz, the one person he used to not like, or even respect in the covert.

But he doesn’t miss the choice of words. It doesn’t make him a lesser person.

“But it does make me not a mandalorian anymore.”

He smiles bitterly. It only makes it worse, knowing another beautiful thing right before he’s about to lose it forever.

“It does.” Paz agrees, but doesn’t move away. “But I might have a solution.”

“For me to atone? The only way to atone is by bathing in the living waters under the mines on Mandalore.”

“That is true, but the mines have been destroyed. Look, this is not an atonement exactly, more like a workaround.”

Paz slides the hand down his arm, until their hands meet. Din hesitates before taking it. There aren’t supposed to be any workarounds for the creed.

From what he can tell, Paz also looks very nervous, and a little unsure, which is completely out of character for him.

Din mentally braces himself to hear whatever comes next, for better or worse.

“Do you remember what you thought I was asking earlier?”

Din has to take a little while just to understand the question.

“The…the riduurok you mean?”

“Yes, hear me out.” Paz grabs his hand tighter when he tries to pull away. “Think about it this way, if you are exiled, and then we take the riduurok, you will get a chance to swear into the creed again. But we can just…keep the messy middle part to ourselves.”

Din can practically feel his jaw on the ground. No way Paz is offering this. The riduurok is sacred. It’s an unbreakable bond formed with mutual love and commitment. It cannot be offered as some logistical tool.

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Yes? I practiced it several times before coming here.”

“Paz! This is insane!” He yanks his hand free and takes a few steps away. “Look, I am incredibly touched by all this, but you can’t…we can’t take the riduurok for that reason.”

“Then how about other reasons?” Paz urges him calmly. Dank Farrik, he must have really hit the bottom if Paz is the calmer one between them. “How about the same reasons I gave you when I asked you to join my House? You didn’t even have to tell me the truth earlier. You did it to protect my honor.”

“As I should.”

“But not everyone would.”

“That’s not...” He sighs heavily and stops pacing around. Was he pacing around earlier? “Paz, think about this. A riduurok is unbreakable. We will be married until death. Us, together until we die! Is that really what you want?”

Paz has the audacity to shrug. “I wouldn’t say it’s on the top of my list, but I don’t mind it nearly as much as you think.”

Without thinking, Din almost said “but I mind it very much”.

He stops himself, because…does he mind? He doesn’t actively want it, and certainly wasn’t thinking about it at all until this very moment. But he doesn’t hate the idea. He would have three weeks ago. He doesn’t now.

“Let me make this simple for you. Which one do you prefer? Take the riduurok with me, or go to Mandalore and die trying to find the living water?”

“That is the worst proposal I’ve ever heard.”

“How many have you heard?”

Fine, that’s a fair point.

“If we do this, it’s real.” He can’t believe he’s actually considering it now. “It becomes real once we tell the armorer and say the vows, no matter why we chose to do it.”

“I know.”

“You’ve really thought this through.”

“I have.”

He has no other reasons to object.

“Ok then.”

Now Paz is the one who’s taken aback. “Is that…a yes?”

Din stands in front of the large mandalorian, and looks up at his visor. “Yes.”

He hears a soft gasp, and he chuckles behind the helmet. It feels ridiculous, yet more serious than almost anything else. Marriage is one of the most sacred commitments in mandalorian culture.

Paz tentatively takes a hold of his arm, arms, both sides this time. Din holds his breath, leaning in slightly. He feels like he should do something with his hands too, but not sure what. They’ve never touched like this before.

He never touched anyone like this before.

He relaxes his body and closes his eyes.

The sound is almost inaudible as their helmets gently touch. He can hear Paz’s breathing mixed with his own, feel the rise and fall of Paz’s chest behind the armor. His hands find their way to the sides of Paz’s broad waist, the parts where armors don’t cover, sensing the heat over layers of clothing.

The strangest thing is that it doesn’t feel strange at all, to be wanted like this, to find peace in someone else’s arms.

He feels safe and accepted.

He feels worthy.

P.S. This is the end of their story, but if there’s a high interest, I can consider writing a bonus chapter for the wedding night. Let me know if you want it❤️

@mandaloria314 @theydjarin @vanishedangels @cheesybadgers @bellinitini @anunhealthydoseofangst @lithdraug @ragnarvizsla (Let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list)

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian fic #din darjin #din djarin fic #Star Wars #star wars fic #paz vizsla #pazdin #paz/din

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theysangastheyslew · 1 year

Note

Hey!!!

I want to share more suffering with you, homie haha *crying*

What do you think of the episode? Especially 132 part ofc!

Hi friend! :'))))))))) Ooooooh honey that gif is such a mood XD I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts and this is the best I can do atm. Sorry it’s kind of wordy but here we go 🥲

Ok! So ever-present pacing issues aside, the overarching story made for a solid episode and the animation was incredible. Hell, even the things I disliked objectively looked well-done out of context. Overall, that was no small feat to pull off, especially in such harsh working conditions. I truly do want to acknowledge that.

But in regards to 132, you guys already put into words how I feel better than I could. I may not have anything new to add, but I’ll say what I liked first and then put my issues under a cut.

As someone who actually really likes Yams’ art style, I loved that they consistently kept Hange’s face accurate to the manga. It was really inconsistent throughout the final season and they struggled to not make it too short a lot of times. Hange was always still stunning of course but the difference always stuck out to me. Here everyone was drawn well, but you can tell she got some extra attention.

The way they inched Levi closer to where Hange was sitting while talking with Yelena. Insignificant yeah but consistent with their past behavior. Also I’m glad they tweaked the position of his bandages so it looked less like they were painfully tugging upwards on his nose.

The pained expressions of the kids and Hange watching Levi struggle to even hold his gear

The “unrequited love” exchange. It had most of the softness and emotion from the manga even though the weight of that line will never be realized in non-written form. The camera lingered on each frame in a way that conveyed the sentiment. This is what got my hopes up that they would stay truer to the source material with DYH.

I'm so glad they left in Hange's lines to Flochroach about not giving up. Helps show—once again—that they wanted to live

The choked way Levi said “Devote your heart” + Hange’s widened eye and soft gasp at his words. Though not tearing up like in the manga, the shot still looked lovely for the half second it lasted. He doesn't pause halfway through saying it though so this one I'm still wrestling with.

Of course, the last stand. Onscreen, Hange took out at least 16 colossals (including the ones we see trip and get trampled) and definitely more offscreen (when they cut away to show other characters) and for the last few, did it while in the most pain a human body can feel. 7/10 for combat, my ass. Idk about y’all but I can’t stop hearing Romi Park’s screams in my head. I knew it would be nauseating and brutal but dear God. At the same time I cannot put into words how proud I am of them. That's my commander 💜

Ok “like” is definitely not the right word for this but I had wondered when I first read 132 how Hange’s gas tank was so well-insulated that it didn’t ignite, and.. well I got my answer.

I’m thankful that they didn’t show a glimpse of Hange’s bloody, crushed remains the way you see in the og panel. That at least felt respectful to me. This is wishful thinking I know but the defined charred outline makes me choose hope they fell more off to the side from where the titans were walking so at least there was maybe still a body left to recover someday.

The afterlife scene, the kids all sobbing their hearts out, Levi holding his own hand in the aftermath trying to process what just happened, and Onyankopon confirming the plane’s significance all really were appropriately gut-wrenching.

I really recommend taking a little break between The Rumbling and Sinners. It definitely makes the shift in emotion less jarring and less

When I did that with my rewatch it helped with the flow of things.

Ok, now twist me up and call me a pretzel bc here there be some salt :|

I’ll try to leave out my og issues with the manga chapter itself (like how painfully obvious it was all just to make Armin commander and how unnecessary Hange dying was IN THE FIRST PLACE and IF it had to happen at all how it could have been done at the final boss skelepalooza showdown, etc.) and just focus on the episode.

Goes without saying but it bears repeating: pacing. 75% of my issues with the execution of DYH would be gone if they just slowed down a bit. Just let the weight of it sink in a little. That this moment —all shreds of shipping aside— is the end of the line for these two heroes who have been supporting each other for ten years while bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders. But Mappa completely reversed the timing of the sequence of events. In the manga we had a longer, more intimate farewell followed by a last stand that was so short even when you knew it was coming it left you reeling from how fast it was from start to finish. Whereas here they hurried it along to get to the “main event”. Hell, it flows better in gif sets than it does in the actual show.

To me, it felt like Hange’s demeanor didn’t really change from talking with the kids to speaking with Levi, making their false bravado seem like less of a front. I know their tone was meant to sound like they were keeping up appearances, but with how often Hange just gets reduced solely to being a titan freak the way they had Romi say the lines made it sound like actual excitement, especially with the way they drew Hange's facial expressions (more on that next)

Hange’s little smirk after the salute. I kinda get what they were trying to do here but to me it came off as very flippant and dismissive of Levi’s choice of words, especially since they all but got rid of their lips trembling and eye beginning to well up with tears. I wish we’d gotten the big fake smile and laugh because that would have shown better that Hange was overcompensating by trying to put their brave face back on after starting to lose their composure. Their fear is obvious in the manga but it just simply didn’t come through as well throughout this entire exchange.

Sooo Hange almost tears up when Pieck said their words inspired her yet minutes later when their Best Friend tries to say goodbye there’s nowhere near that kind of reaction? Sure, Jan

Levi’s face. Ok look. It’s not a lack of emotion on his part that bothers me. It’s that it’s an entirely different one to begin with. He looks bummed at first yes, but then that changes to what I’m guessing is supposed to be determination which comes off as anger or annoyance (kinda like what changed with his scene with Armin on the stairs). They removed what made this parting different from previous ones, which was the sense of open vulnerability and the dawning realization that now he’s going to have to let Hans go too. See it's not like they were in the middle of the battle just yet. This situation came on suddenly and unexpectedly; it wasn't "supposed" to happen. One second they were on track and the next Hange is being torn away by fate. And yes, the highlights play a part in that transition. Anyone who draws eyes knows the importance of placement and intensity and the major impact they have over the final expression. And when drawing a comic you certainly don’t take up valuable page space with three panels focusing on the hope draining out of someone’s eyes if it wasn’t supposed to be the focus. I mean for fuck's sake, even the Final Season!Nendoroid Levi got it right. Plus, if they could make a point of getting Eren's eyes right during the raid on Liberio they could have gotten it here.

When the camera cuts to the kids watching the titans fall the angle doesn’t let you see that Levi can’t bring himself to watch for more than just a second

NOT MAPPA’s FAULT but since I’m being whiny right now I’m going to add that while ACWNR is a mixed bag to begin with, WIT’s adaptation not including Levihan’s introduction saddens me bc Levi asking Hange to keep watching loses a bit of extra oomph.

Really it just comes down to the fact that there was nothing wrong with the original page. It wasn’t overdone or dragged out by any means but considering many other scenes got shot-for-shot depictions I don’t think we were asking for anything outrageous by wanting a faithful adaptation. The couple frames we got that were almost perfect were so freakin fast you barely had time to process them before it cut away.

I wanted to like it, I really did. Especially since MAPPA did so many things so incredibly well as a whole. My expectations weren’t high, and I did want to give it the benefit of the doubt. But when it came to DYH, it felt both watered down and disjointed, like a completely different scene.

But so it goes. At the end of the day, Hange still dies a horrifying death for plot convenience, and Levi is left behind to suffer once again. It was always going to hurt and I was never going to be ready for it, no matter how it was done.

#gahhhh i keep seeing posts that better verbalize what im trying to say #words are hard #tldr: basically i agree with what you kleinzoe kachuusa warm starlight murdergiraffe nenithil glassesandswords and mcxynth all said #now imma go listen to voices carry by lights and the world is ugly on repeat bc if i see 1 more ‘hange was suicidal’ take ill eat my hand #le me #replies #ramblings #rantings #snk #levihan #analysis

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makeitallmarvel · 11 months

Text

SNOWFALL

Part 6

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Nursing your dislocated finger was the only way to keep yourself from crying these days. Focusing on physical pain seemed to numb out the emotional. You practically lived in the gym during the week. “You should take a break kid” a familiar voice advised from behind you. A slow smile crept onto your face as you realized who it was. “Clint! What’s your old retired ass doing here?” You wondered as you closed in for a hug. “I had to turn in some old files” he explained quickly. You wiped the sweat off of your forehead and started to jog in place. “The last time I saw you like this was after..” he began to say but you cut him off, “we don’t talk about him” Clint just shrugged knowing an abusive ex didn’t make good conversation. “Alright then. I don’t like this funk you’re in. Get dressed, we're going out tonight. I’ll get the guys” Clint stated before taking off in the direction of fury’s office. “Are you sure you can keep up old man?” You hollered after him receiving a middle finger in return.

Within the first five minutes of sitting at the VIP section you had downed two shots and was already picking up your mixed drink to begin drinking that down. Bucky was sitting in the corner on the opposite end of you with his arms lounging on the top of the couch. He had the most serious look on his face watching you get drunk. Wanda grabbed your hand and took you to standing on the couch so you could dance with the music. Twisting and grinding you worked up a sweat. Just as you stopped a second to breathe you saw Tony bringing a fresh tray of tequila shots. “Woo!” You yelled on the top of your lungs. You grabbed another two and knocked them back easily. “Whoa” you groaned as you swayed to the side. Your vision was starting to blur as the alcohol forced your blood pressure higher. It was as if you could hear the blood pounding through your veins. Somehow you found yourself next to bucky and Steve. “Hey there mister winter soldier. Why so damn serious?” You giggled and slung your arm around him. Buckys face melted and became hard as he kept his emotions in looking at your wrecked state. “I wonder what that thing in your pants has for a body count” you continued on, unable to stop yourself. Bucky inhaled sharply as his body gained a new level of tension you’ve never seen before. “Y/n!” Steve yelled at you in warning. His voice was so disappointed. “Oh Stevie don’t act like you’re too good to think about it” you stammered making no sense. “I think I’m going to kill Clint” he grumbled. His voice was so dark it sent chills through your blood turning you on. Or maybe that was the alcohol. Actually it was the vomit climbing the back of your throat for a quick exit. You ran off with your hand covering your mouth to the restroom to release it.

“Mr. Rogers you must take me to dinner first” you giggled as even Steve struggled to keep you upright. He had one of your arms over his shoulder as he tried to get you in bed. “Y/n go to sleep” he commanded, he sounded completely over you. Bucky filed in behind Steve slowly watching the scene unfold. “Can you help me get her out of this?” Steve wondered knowing it was indeed asking a lot of his friend. Bucky said nothing but instead walked to your dresser to the top drawer where you kept your pajamas. Steve did wonder how he knew where your items were but now was not the time to ask. Steve lifted your limp and heavy arms over your head as your head fell back. Steve caught it with his other hand quickly, your mouth hanging wide open as the alcohol took the full effect on your body. Bucky carefully slid the large t shirt over your head and onto your small frame. Next with care he took your heels off and gave your feet a small rub in hope they wouldn’t be so sore in the morning. Steve gently laid you on your side, propped up on your pillows. As soon as your head hit the pillow you began to snore loudly making the two men laugh to themselves. “Well I’d say I’ve been there but it’s been awhile” Bucky joked quietly. They took their leave of your apartment but bucky paused at the door. “Someone should keep an eye on her” he suggested. Steve took a moment and looked deeply at his oldest friends face in concern, “are you sure?” He asked trying to protect him from anymore heartbreak. To be honest you kept breaking each other’s hearts the blame wasn’t on just one person but what you had said tonight hurt Bucky more than he would ever let on. “I’m sure man. Go get some rest” he stated checking his phone and noticing the time was 3 AM. Once Steve was clear to the floor below bucky slid down against the wall and released the tears he held back all evening.

Your eyes unglued themselves slowly as you came back into consciousness. Quickly you closed your mouth and groaned attempting to stretch your sore limbs. Your head was pounding sending a sick feeling to your stomach. You were afraid to sit up and feel the full headache pain. Honestly you just hoped you wouldn’t end up with a migraine. That’s all you needed was to lay in bed for days in pain. Eventually you found your strength to stand up. The first thing on your mind was to see Bruce. He could heal what was hurting. Quickly you wrapped a blanket around your body and started for the open door. You stopped in your tracks once you saw the familiar body leaned against your wall. “What are you doing here?” You moaned, swaying back and forth. The nausea was almost killing you. “I was trying to sleep but your overly obnoxious snoring kept me awake most of the night” he shot back behind closed eyes. His back was leaning against the wall of your doorway. You blushed deeply. “What happened?” You asked clearly in a daze. “We’ll if you’re ok then I’m going to go now” he got up quickly and retreated. Once your vision was less blurry trying to track his figure down the hall you noticed another one staring at you. “Loki, save it” you warned your voice exhausted. “You’ve made quite the mess, haven't you love?” He teased gently. Within the same moment you turned around to make a straight line for the toilet with more of last nights regret coming up.

#marvel cinematic universe #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #winter soldier x oc #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier fanfic #winter soldier fanfiction

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sifinspace · 24 days

Text

“So you actually said I could go?” Sif teased.

“Of course. I can handle the ship for a couple hours.” Joker said.

“Great. I just need a night away. It’s felt like an eternity since I’ve done anything fun.” She paused and looked at him. “I think the last time I had a good time was when we were on Tiptree together.”

“That’s sad, you need to get out more.”

“I would, but then who would take care of you?” She laughed.

“Are you sure though? Shepard, you know his track record?” Joker tried to feel her out.

“I mean, yea, but Jeff, I just, I need to feel special. To someone. It’s been so long.” She pleaded.

“You’re special to me you know.”

“So you say, but not in the way I’m special to Shepard.”

“But why the Commander, you could do so much better.”

“Seriously? You want to take me out instead?”

“I never said I was better than Shepard.”

“I asked you a question.”

“No. We talked about this a long time ago. Go have fun. Just don’t come crying to me when he hurts you.” Joker mumbled.

“You say that as if it’s going to happen.”

“Well, when hasn’t it?”

“Alright - it’s fine. I can handle it on my own. Like always.“ she said, laying down in bed.

Joker sat down next to her, and hung his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m such an asshole.”

“Yea well, I’m used to it.” She said rolling away from him. “Your pre-apology really is useful.”

Joker laid down next to her and turned her back to face him. “I just don’t want to see you hurt. Ever.”

He was inches from her face. His eyes meant what he said. Sif crawled up next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

“I know. I’ll be okay, you have to stop worrying. I can kick Sheps ass anyway if I wanted to.” She smiled.

“Yea thats not the point. I just worry. We’ve been friends a very long time, and ever since Nate, then Kaiden, I just hate seeing you in pain again.”

Sif hadn’t thought about Nate in years. Kaiden she thought about more often.

Her heart ached. “Yea I guess that’s true.”

Joker wrapped his other arm around Sif like he did when he’d say something that would hurt her. He did

it all too often. A coping mechanism for his insecurity. “Just don’t, make regrets.”

“Only memories.” She said as she laid quietly next to him. Her smooth legs running under her blanket, and his chest slowly going up and down. She put her hand on his heart.

“Well It still beats.” She laughed. “You can say nice things.”

“So long as it beats, I’ll protect you as best I can.”

Since the Kaiden died, Joker came to bed more often, he also started to hold her close every night since then. His way of saying ‘it will be alright’.

She was happy.

——-

Everyone had disembarked the ship for the mission. Joker sat in the cockpit waiting further instructions.

Nothing. Radio silence.

“Sif -“ he shouted over the com. “Sif!”

“What?!”

“We’ve got company.”

“Shit, get out of there!” She yelled.

“You too - make your way to the helm

.”

Silence.

Joker watched helplessly on his screen his ship being boarded by Collectors.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” He tossed his head back .

“Joker - you need to crawl through the vents to access the system override. If not, hope may be lost.” EDI buzzed.

“I’m not going to let you

out. That would be chaos.”

“Then you will die. Give me full control of the ship. I can save it.

“Shit shit shit!” Joker got up and started down to the

vents. .His body limping and the speed hard to keep up.

He made his way to the Main frame. “Don’t let me down EDI.”

He activated the override protocol.

“Did it work? Can you see Sif?”

“Sorry joker she was taken off the ship. There are no life forms on board other than yours.” EDI said. “Prepare for vac locks open.”

Joker put on his head gear and strapped himself down. The rush of air whirling past his head and the providing of regret as he realized his friend was gone.

——

“They took everyone?” Shepard questioned.

“Everyone - the collectors have returned to their ship.” EDI said. “I was able to track them - you need to go after them.”

“Obviously. Joker, fly us in close. No way I’m letting those bastards steal our crew.”

Joker looked backwards toward Shepard. “Get her back.”

Shepard nodded.

——-

Shepard ran around the corner of the escaping

ship.

Pods, so many pods, on this small ship. The collectors had a plan.

“How the hell am I going to find my crew with all these things?” He thought.

“The probability of finding anyone is 1 in”

“EDI just don’t tell me the odds. Start scanning for life forms.”

Shepard, Tali and Grunt scanned the pods.

“This is hopeless!” Grunt shouted.

“Without hope, you give up on the future.” Tali said.

“It doesn’t matter, we have the fighters let’s forget

about the rest.” Grunt ordered.

“Grunt, the crew is my clan. Would you give up your clan!?” Shepard said forcefully as he got in his face.

“No, I suppose not.” He backed down.

“Look!” Tali pointed to a pod that

was moving.

The three of them walked up to a pod and sliced it open. Out fell Dr. Chakwas.

“Thank heavens you showed up.” She said getting to her feet. “I’m alright I’m alright. But you need to get the rest of us that are still alive.”

“Where are they?” Shepard asked.

“Around the corner, there’s a pile of bodies. Thats where I was brought in from.”

“Hold tight, we’re going to get you out of here in a minute. Have you seen Our co-pilot?”

“Sif? No. I just know they took everyone else through that corridor.”

Shepard, Grunt and Tali ran to the corner. As soon as they turned they saw it. A pile of bodies. Half unrecognizable. Tali bent down and took the tags off of one of the corpses.

“Mess Sargent Gardner.” She said sadly.

“Shit.” Shepard’s own heart stopped in his chest. “Anyone else in there?”

Tali ran her Omni tool over the pile of unrecognizable corpses.

“There are vital signs. You must dig.” EDI said.

“ Grunt let’s go!” They dug through the pile of charred remains.

One after one they checked the tags, and took the ones they knew. They’d honor them when they had the chance. They kept digging, and as they moved the last body, they were greeted by a surge of biotic power that blew all three of them back.

“What the hell?” Grunt moaned as he got up.

Shepard walked over and reached down. He felt something different.

“This is it!” He pulled out a pale body. Not one that had been burned, but it had been so badly bruised you’d never know otherwise.

“Sif!” Shepard laid her down gently and started to scan her with his Omni tool.

“Her vital signs are weak, but she’s alive. Get her back to the Normandy and I’ll run a full diagnosis.” EDI said.

For the first time since hitting that ship, Shepard felt a sense of relief. “EDI, tell Joker we have her.”

“I took the liberty already. Joker will meet her in the med lab.”

Tali gently held Sifs hand as Shepard carried her back to th e transport.

“She’s a special woman to all of us. I had no idea she had biotic powers.” Tali said thoughtfully.

“Sif is a private person. As much as she is, I don’t think anyone but Joker actually knows her.” Shepard said.

“I like a good surprise!” Grunt laughed.

Shepard smiled and loaded Sif into the transport.

————

“Joker, Sif has been transported to the med bay. Legion is watching over her and Dr T’Soni is with her.” EDI said. “You must focus on the current mission before you can see her.”

He sat back in his chair and sighed. He ran his hands through his beard, and rubbed his eyes. ‘She’s back.’ He thought. He wasn’t an emotional man, but he smiled in relief.

The time it took Shepard to get back to the SR2 felt endless. Joker wanted to see his friend. As soon as he was on board, and the Normandy was safely away from any danger, he got up and limped to the med bay as fast as he could.

He stopped at the door, and composed himself. For a guy with brittle bones, he moved quickly when it was for her.

When he walked in, he saw her laying on one of the med bay cots. Her hair was wild, her clothes were ripped and the spots on her limbs he could see were purple and blue.

“Oh shit Sif.” He walked up next to her. “Dr T’Soni, how is she?”

“Her vitals are coming back, but she had severe bruising. I’ve done what we can for helping her heal, but she will take time. She has some amazing resilience. How she wasn’t killed is going to be an interesting story.” She smiled, “I always knew she was more clever than most.”

Joker was relived they had picked up Liara when they did, even if she was only there briefly. They couldn’t have chosen a better time.

“Hell ya she is. When will she be waking up?” He pushed.

“She should wake up anytime now. Her vitals are all stabilized

. She’s probably just exhausted.”

“How about her bones?” Jeff asked.

“We were able to heal most of them. It’s just the bruising and a few broken ribs. Other than that she should be able to help you fly whenever.” Dr. Chakwas chimed as she walked up behind Jeff. “Always this poor girls ribs. We should give her titanium ones.”

“I’m glad to see you too.” He said. “How did you come out of this less scathed?”

“They took me out in a pod. I don’t know what happened to her. I just saw them taking bodies past my pod and that’s why I knew there were some ahead.”

Jeff knelt beside Sif. He touched her arm gently and then held the tips of her fingers tenderly.

“Legion, come on, let’s leave them for a while.” Liara said and made an exit.

Jeff watched the three of them leave, then he turned his attention back to his friend on the slab.

“I never wanted to ever see you like this. I’m glad you’re alive, but Sif you idiot, why didn’t you just come back to the cockpit when shit started to go down.” He said quietly.

He placed his hand on her hair, with his thumb on her forehead. “I promise I will never let this happen again.”

He kissed her cheek.

Jeff sat there for as long as he could, and then Shepard walked in. ‘Great, the hero.’ He thought.

“How is she? I saw Dr. Chakwas outside she said she’ll be fine.” He asked.

“She’ll mend. She’s bruised up pretty bad, broken ribs. All that.” Jeff replied.

“Didyou know Sif is a biotic?” Shepard asked.

“Yea. I swear no one ever looks at our files. They just assume all we do is fly the ship.” He said sarcastically.

“So she is biotic?” Shepard asked surprised.

“Yea, she had L2s implanted and eventually and underwent L5 upgrades when we hooked up with Cerberus. So Sif underwent the retraining for it, and it showed that because she had these extra

abilities, it made her an even better pilot.” He explained. “Kaiden and Sif would practice their skills all the time before…” he trailed off.

“They don’t usually do upgrades on biotics by implants.” Shepard said.

“No, but she did. She’s got a way about her. I’ve never seen her not get something either her and I needed at some point.” Jeff smiled.

“Did you actually just smile?” Shepard asked

“What? No. Definitely not.” Jeff shifted and got up. “I’ve got a ship to fly.”

“Hey Joker.” Jeff paused, “her biotics knocked Tali, Grunt and I on our ass. Thought you enjoy that.” Shepard said.

“thats my girl.” Jeff nodded and walked away.

————-

“Okay, wake her up Doctor.” Shepard said, “I need some answers.”

“Shepard, I know you’ve been waiting” Dr. Chakwas said.

She swiveled her Omni tool over Sifs battered body.

Her eyes opened and she started to glow blue.

“Wait wait!” Shepard said.

She turned her head slightly to look at him.

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were a collector.” She said shakily.

“It’s just us dear.” Doctor Chakwas voice was soothing and tender as she reassured Sif she was safe.

“That’s a relief. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to survive on that ship.” She said. Then she looked around. “How bad am I? Where’s Jeff?”

“Sif you’re bruised and broken but we have slapped you with so much medi gel you’re going to be fine. Sore, but fine.” Liara reassured her.

“Excellent, I’ve got a ship to copilot.”

“Not just yet, we have to talk about a couple things.” Shepard said.

Sif sat up very slowly. “Is there something softer to sit on for the moment then? These beds are designed for the dead.” She laughed. Then winced.

Shepard helped her off the med bed and to a chair.

“Still not soft enough but that’s alright.” She looked around. “Alright, what do you want to know?”

Liara, Legion and Shepard exchanged glances.

“OH right how I ended up in a pile of my comrades remains. Good story.” She started to trail off, and took a shallow breath - her ribs ached. “I was down in engineering when EDI and Jeff alerted me to what was going on. So I ran up to the med bay as fast as I could and grabbed the only thing I could think of, Beta Blockers. They slow down your heart rate and can fool people into thinking your dead.” Sif sat back and shifted her weight. “So I took a calculated amount. I figured if They thought I was dead, they’d leave me here. So I gave myself a hyper injection of them and waited on the floor. The Collectors walked in, saw me here, took my body and then I ended up boarding their ship.”

“Even though they thought you were dead?” Liara asked.

“I suppose, but maybe my heart was still beating. However by the time we got to the ship the injection must have really kicked in, and from what my Omni tool tells me I had a heart beat only enough to keep my brain alive. That’s probably why I’m so bruised. No blood flow, so it pooled.” Sif shuddered.

“What about the bodies?” Shepard asked.

“Right so as they realized I was dead, they put me on the ground and started to load bodies on top of me. I activated my suit with my biotics. Mask, everything. I’m always prepared.” She smiled. “Anyway once they kept throwing bodies on me, eventually they lit us on fire. I used a biotic field to keep myself from burning. Once they left, I passed out completely.”

Sif looked from Liara to Shepard. “The smell …. I will never forget the smell.” She took a deep breath. “I knew you’d come save us. So I just waited. After being thrown around so much I couldn’t really dig myself out. So thanks for that.” She smiled “but I’m not sorry for knocking you three on your asses.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you are a biotic?” Shepard asked.

“It never came up?” She replied. “It wasn’t important. It’s not like I do a lot of combat missions.”

“But you have gone on missions and you never thought you should mention it?” He asked.

“I’ve used my biotics on missions, but no one ever noticed.” Sif said.

“Are you saying I don’t know my team?” Shepard pressed her.

“Not at all. I’m just saying sometimes we don’t notice things we don’t need to. As long as something works why worry? Besides the only missions I go on with you require my brains, and since I’ve been shot too many times and Jeff refuses to let me set foot off the Normandy, it wasn’t important.”

“I guess that makes sense.” He said.

“Don’t worry it’s not a commentary on you Shep.” She smiled.

He smiled. “I know, I just feel like you…” he trailed off. “Actually this isn’t a conversation I want to have in front of everyone. Will you join me in my quarters for further discussion?” He asked.

“Yes Commander. I’ll be up shortly.” She replied. Doctor Chakwas gave Sif an injection of pain med and told her it’ll wear off in a bit. So she made her way to Commander Shepards Quarters.

————

Shepard had questions. He understood her faith in him for saving her, but why was she so mysterious? This intrigued and yet bothered him. Why was she so hard to understand, to read?

“Commander.” Sif said as she entered.

“You look better than you did 10 minutes ago.” He smiled.

“The doctor shot me with enough morphine to keep me standing for a bit, but she recommended I lay down in a short while and get some proper rest.” She said.

“Come and sit, do you want anything?”

“A glass of water please.” Sif sat on the end of Shepards bed.

Shepard poured one for her. “Take it from me.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

Sif shook her head and pulled the glass to her easily.

“Happy?” She raised her left eyebrow at him.

“Yes.”

“Yea they come in handy when I forget to turn a light off and I’m in bed already.” She grinned. “So what didn’t you want to discuss downstairs? If you’d have asked I would have said.”

“I asked Joker about going out with you for a drink. He told me ‘Sure, I didn’t know you dated married women though.’ What does that even mean? You’re married?”

“I would have told you on that date you know.” She had a hurt look on her face.

“Then why not bring it up before?”

“Did Jeff tell you who I was married to?”

“No he said you would.”

“Of course I will. But there’s a lot that people don’t know about me - I mean I barely know myself. Didn’t you read my background report?”

“I did, years ago, but I still don’t recall seeing anything.”

Sif took a deep breath. “Can you let me explain the whole thing before you ask questions?”

Shepard nodded.

“Please understand - I was engaged to a man named Nate. He was handsome and charming. We had been together for 3 years and were starting to plan a life together.” She took in a deep breathe. “We were supposed to get married the day after graduation-the wedding was planned and everything. Then a few months before, I went to visit him and Jeff let me in. They were roommates. I guess he didn’t realize Nate was home, and so I did what I always did and walked into his room.” She hung her head. “I caught him, fucking some woman from the pep squad.”

“What?” Shepard looked shocked.

“Yea, either he wanted to be caught or he was just annoyed with me. I took being faithful very seriously to him, and I wasn’t going to just hand over my ass whenever he wanted to get off. So he had been screwing her for months. He said ‘you wouldn’t give it to me.’ So he found it elsewhere.”

“What a dick.”

“Yea. I think Jeff knew it was going on and just wanted to protect me. I’m not a prude, I just, didn’t feel safe sleeping with him anymore. He has a side of himself that shook my core. He hurt me. Emotionally, physically. One night he locked me in his room. Jeff had to help get me out. So I withheld. I should have just dumped him long before then.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was scared. I didn’t want to be alone again. I didn’t want to have to be a no one again. A Jane Doe in the world. I just wanted someone to be mine - so I didn’t have to navigate life alone. I was scared. He told me I could never find anyone who would be as good to me as he was. I know that’s a lie now.”

“Then what?”

“Jeff kicked him out, I moved in and we became even closer - he is my best friend. We’d just hang out, and talk, and whatever. Nate graduated then ended up on Virmire. You wouldn’t have known but he died there. He was stationed at a plant.”

“Okay so you weren’t married to him. Who then?”

“Since the wedding was still planned, Jeff and I weren’t going to let it go to waste. The day after graduation, we took shore leave to celebrate, and you know eat all the food and party all night cause it was all paid for. So we had drinks and he suggested “let’s just marry each other”. We have been friends for so long, we went through school together, he helped me through my breakup. I have no family Shepard, I have no history - I was found abandoned as a child with no memory of them. I didn’t want to loose my best friend too. Jeff said I could share his life.” She sighed. “ We were best friends who made a deal, so they wouldn’t separate us, we didn’t want to be assigned opposites because we work so well together and this was a sure bet they’d keep us together. The perks, like a cabin of our own, more money, allowances that kind of thing, were nothing more than that. A perk.”

Shepard looked at her with a blank face.

“It’s okay, it’s why we don’t tell people. Some just don’t get it….. I’ll let that sink in.” She took a sip of her water.

“Do you, love him?”

She sipped her water. “I have always loved Jeff-even when I was with Nate. I tried to get Jeff to date me, but he told me no, and introduced me to his roommate. Jeff doesn’t love me the way a husband loves a wife. I’m his friend.”

“You honestly believe that? You really think you’re just a perk?” The honesty of the question dripped from his lips.

“Why not? Hes never indicated he loved me in that way. We’ve never had sex.” She sighed. “I tried in training, and I do bring it up occasionally but even now he gives me the ‘I can’t give you a life or future you deserve’ line. I don’t even know if I can have kids Shep, I’ve been experimented on a little too much for that - and that’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. It’s not my goal I life really like people think it is.”

“Experimented on?”

“I did a lot of experimental testing for cash when I was young, I needed the money. Either way, I’m not baby crazy, nor do I dislike them, I just don’t see why that’s the biggest hurdle for him to get over when it comes to he and I becoming an us.”

“I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine. I just want you to know - where I stand.”

“Sif, you stand in a marriage that’s built on an agreement, with a man who can’t admit how much he cares about you.”

Sif paused, “I mean, I know he has to feel something, but that much, you actually think he does?”

“How many dates have you been on since you two have been married?”

“With anyone I thought it might be fun to go with? One. With losers? Probably four.”

“And the Kaiden scenario?”

“I mean that made me question everything but even then he said no.”

Shepard laughed, “you’re sweet, but so blind. He stops the good ones from asking you out with the line he used in me.”

Sif stopped. She thought back to a few days before the Collectors attack, he wants to be near her when he sleeps, holding her.

“Friggen Jeff.” She got up. Then fell back down.

“Sif.” Shepard grabbed her and laid her down on his bed. “Your meds are probably wearing off and this has been a lot to sift through since you have just gotten back.”

“Yea it’s a lot. Shep can you help me to my room? As much as I’d love to rip your clothes off, I can’t do that if there’s a chance with Jeff.” She laughed.

“My pleasure. You really are a good woman Sif.” He lifted her in his arms and she laid her head on his shoulder.

“Can I try something?.” She asked.

“Anything.” He said.

“Put me down.” Sif held on to Shepard as he put her feet on the ground. She turned to him. “I am curious - just kiss me.”

“My pleasure.”

Shepard walked Sif to the wall of his cabin and kissed the top of her nose. He gently placed his hand behind her head and let his lips slide onto hers so gently. Her hands went numb and her knees went weak.

The firmness, the stubble. It all reminded her of Kaiden. She missed him. She let out a small moan.

“That’s good enough for now. It was an honor to share something so simple with you.” Shepard smiled.

“I want more, so much more Shepard. I want all of you, I want to wake up with our clothes thrown in the floor and you smiling, but, you’re not Jeff.” She said quietly.

Shepard kissed her again, then rested his forehead on hers.

“You won’t have to wait much longer, I’ll make sure of that.”

Shepard picked up her again, and carried her to her cabin.

The door opened and Joker was inside reading in the chair next to the bed.

“Is she-“

“she fell asleep in the elevator.” Shepard put her down on the bed. “Do you know what you have here Joker?”

“I have my Best friend back.”

“You have so much more than that. You have a woman who wants no one else more than you in the universe. She really wants to be your wife.”

“Ah she told you. Nate was a dick.”

“Joker, Sif wanted to kiss her me and when she did, all she said was ‘you’re not Jeff’. Really think about what you have here, because if you don’t want it, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.”

Joker stood up. “Take her then.”

“You don’t mean that. I saw how you reacted to her and Kaiden, and that was mild in comparison as to what I’m planning on giving her.”

“I want her to be happy and safe. If that’s what you can offer, you can have her.”

“Joker, don’t be stupid. You might not make it obvious, but you have feelings for her. Tell her, show her. The end of the damn universe is at steak, do you want to miss the one chance you have if we fail?”

Jeff saluted him. “Commander. It’s not as simple as you make it. I can’t give her what she needs.”

Shepard saluted Jeff. “It really is. Not everything is about you in this situation.” He turned on his heal to leave. “You’ll regret every second when she’s mine.”

Joker knew Shepard would take her.

He didn’t stand a chance.

#commander shepard #mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #jeff moreau #joker mass effect #fanfiction #mass effect fandom #mass effect fanfiction #slow burn romance #fanfic

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sailorshadzter · 9 months

Text

the peace we seek.

some mORE JONSA BECAUSE I JUST CANT BE STOPPED.

read the nsfw (and MUCH longer) version on ao3.

There were some who said Jon Snow did not come back as the same man.

Though, how can a man come back just as he was, when the knife that killed him was wielded by men he trusted- men he called comrade? How can a man come back just as he was, when the place he went to was dark and empty, nothing like the stories told to comfort those fearful of death. No, instead, he comes back a shell of the man he once was; as cold and dark as the world he’d gone to.

He had all those who betrayed him hung in the courtyard, the blow from Longclaw the one that opened the door beneath their feet. Those who remained behind in Castle Black were the wildlings he’d come to trust and the few lasting Night’s Watch men that had not fled when he’d been murdered- or when he’d come back to life. Gone was the Night’s Watch as the world once knew it and he supposes he could remain there, Lord Commander of whatever it was to become, shape it into something of his own making… But, was there not more to life, he wonders, something beyond these walls? Jon often thinks of Robb, the brother lost to him, wondering if things had been different… If only he’d been beside him… Would things have been different now? There’s all of the others too, Bran and Arya and Rickon, why was there even Sansa, too. He thinks of those words whispered to him I’ve seen your sister in my fires, and wonders what hell she would run from, just to run to him.

Perhaps that is the only thing keeping him there in Castle Black.

And the day she arrives, something like three or four days later, the men that watch will say that was the day Jon Snow truly came back to life.

[ x x x ]

He watches her through the crack in the door.

She’s left it ajar, as she so often does, afraid of that feeling of entrapment when the door is closed so tightly, and she stands at the center of her room, draped in her robe, wringing her hands before her. “I know you’re there,” she calls after a while, turning around to peer back at him through the space between the door and its frame, blue eyes meeting gray, a half smile curving on her lips. Jon hesitates, but only for a moment, before he pushes open the door so he can slip inside, careful to keep it open as she prefers. “Have you thought about what I said?” She asks as he comes to stand just before her, just out of reach. “About taking back Winterfell?” The words Ramsay had written stain her mind like an ink blot, the memory of his tenor vocals sending chills down her spine. The lingering marks of his abuse have since faded from her skin, but the memory of it still clings to her in a way that she sometimes thinks will drive her insane.

“Aye,” he breathes as he takes a single step closer, still yet able to recall the warmth of her hand enclosing around his. “It won’t be easy.” He reminds her, but she nods all the same, closing the gap between them. The close proximity of him makes her pulse race, heat flooding her cheeks as she breathes in the now familiar scent of him; firewood smoke and the winter air. “But I will do it, for you, for Rickon… For our family.” Jon thinks of all they’ve lost, of all they’ve gained, and knows he would fight to the death to protect what he has now.

She falls into his arms and he holds on tight.

[ x x x ]

“It isn’t enough!”

Her sharp cry cuts him further than he lets on, but he cannot stop the words coming from his lips as he comes around from the desk he once stood behind. “No, it’s not enough!” He explodes, watching as the breath catches in her throat, as she takes the smallest of steps back, frightened by his raised voice. He’s never raised his voice with her before and he realizes, like a sucker punch to his gut, that she’s afraid of him. “But it’s all we have…” He speaks softer now, gentler now, holding out a hand to appease her. “Battles have been won against greater odds,” he swallows as she turns to go, though she thinks better on it, turning back to face him.

“If Ramsay wins, I’m not going back there alive,” she says, blue eyes unwavering in their gaze. “Do you understand me?” She would plunge a blade into her own chest, slit her own throat, before she went back to Winterfell with that monster.

“I won’t ever let him touch you again, I’ll protect you, I promise.” Jon vows, the words coming forth without hesitation. He’s never felt such a passion before, a need to be true to his words, a desire to keep this promise he’s only just uttered. He would die to keep her safe. There’s a new feeling welling up, an unspeakable feeling, but it growls low within his chest like a wolf.

“No one can protect me,” she whispers, fear forcing the words from her lips. Fear to live, fear to die. “No one can protect anyone.” She’s gone then, turning on her heel and escaping into the cold, winter air. Jon watches her go before he sinks into a chair, hands over his face, hoping that by this time tomorrow, all would be as it should be.

[ x x x ]

The rooms were just as she remembers.

She recalls those days from so long ago, when within these walls she had danced and sewn and grown. The furs on the bed were still the ones stitched by her own mother’s hands and she finds tears fill her eyes as she runs her hands across them, the feel of them beneath her fingertips unlike anything she’s ever felt before. The pegs on the other wall were the ones her father had installed himself, so she might hang her gowns from them, the rug on the floor the last one she’d braided together before leaving for King’s Landing.

These rooms were still hers, just as they had once been.

A gentle rapping on the propped open door pulls her from her memories and she looks up, unsurprised when she sees it’s Jon standing there in her doorway.

A smile curves on her lips as he steps inside, her head tilting as she drinks in the sight of him there, battle worn but alive. “Let it close,” she whispers when he goes to catch the door before it can close entirely, surprising him. He turns to glance back at her and she gives a single nod, watching as he does just as she’s bid, allowing the door to close with a soft echo. She rises up from where she sits, coming to stand just before him, unable to help but to reach for him. His battered cheek beneath her fingertips, there is something about the moment that she cannot put to words.

“I’m sorry-” he begins, hand reaching up to take hold of hers as she shakes her head. “But Rickon…”

“I told you, there would be no saving him.” Thinking of their little brother is too painful and so she pushes him away, as she has come to do with everyone lost to her now. It was easier, pushing them away. “You saved me…” Not Winterfell, not the North, not anything else; he has saved her and only her. In more ways than this one. Her hand trails down until it falls into place against his chest, so she may feel the steady beating of his heart against her palm.

“Sansa…” She looks up only then, only when it’s her name soft on his lips. There it was again, that sense of warmth she only feels when Jon is this close- she’s felt in before, a lifetime ago, when she’d still been but a young, naive girl who dreamt of golden princes and shining crowns. This feeling was stronger now, different somehow, as if it meant more than those fleeting childish feelings ever did. “I told you I would protect you,” he speaks again, bringing her out of the memories she’s long since left behind. His forehead dips against her own and he’s so close, she can feel the curve of his lips when she smiles.

Once, she’d not trusted him as she should have, but this fight, it had changed everything.

#jonsa #actuallyjonsa #jon x sansa #my writing #i wrote this

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wellntruly · 1 year

Text

M*A*S*H - Season 8, misc. notes

Welcome to March M*A*S*H-ness, the season in which I finish M*A*S*H

Here are some reduced notes from S8, I hadn’t forgotten! No approach this time, just whatever made the cut.

Oh you know actually there is a theme it's thighs???

— — —

Start of this season gotta be the collective skinniest this cast has ever been, babes what was going on in 1979! Mike Farrell has always been a sapling, but Loretta Swit seems to have gotten even tinier this year, Alan Alda rushed into a frame partly undressed looking markedly thinner than the last time I saw him, and when Gary Burghoff comes back?! Positively a shadow of himself!

The other notable thing is that their doctors coats are now fully "blush." [Elliott Gould voice] It’s fine by me.

I appreciate that we simply all dislike Zale

The slipshod “Previously On”s they do for the two-parters finally worth it for the implication that Hawkeye hurting his finger is going to be just as emotionally impactful as anything else going on.

Sitting Awards. And in the pink shirt.

The company clerk job going from Radar to Klinger is like a reverse Henry Blake to Sherman Potter, huh. I confess to being a little stressed.

Ohhh okay okay, I can see it, oh boy okay I can see how we pull this off: Klinger CAN be a good clerk, he just has to be a totally different kind: a renegade little rascal. Radar is like a London cabbie with the Knowledge: knows the entire map of the war and every rule and person in it. Klinger can be an improv artist, a con artist, schemes upon schemes. Oho, I would like this! Ed. note: hey I was pretty much on the money!

Okay don’t make me cry….. ah too late

Hoooooooooooo all of Hawkeye’s boyfriends simply have to kiss Radar and tell him to pass it along, huh. WHAT a way to reference when Trapper left…. !

Hey gang we’re still crying! :(

The most impactful way they could do this bit with BJ’s toddler thinking Radar was her dad is if it isn’t commented on again, we just have this wordless moment where he’s so visibly stricken by the fact that his child doesn’t know who he is.

Ah never mind, it’s the whole episode.

Y’know, when drunk BJ smashed up the still and hit Hawkeye, I thought well this is a lot to deal with, but it’s him later sobbing to him, quote: “I’m so torn up with envy I almost hate him! And I feel the same way about Trapper, and I never even met him. But he built that still with you, and…” that had me staring wild-eyed, repeating a strangled “Pause pause pause pausepause” while my hands search blind & desperate for the remote to give me a fucking MOment---

Just, the DARK GALAXY BRAIN, M*A*S*H, to go hey, how about BJ got violent because he’s jealous of your ex

...God the absolute nuclear event this episode would have caused if it aired during the Internet….we all would have aged 10 years.

“Well what else am I good at? Being a malcontent? Silliness? Booze?” The three Graces.

“Colonel, you wanted to see us?” “Not really, but it’s the only way I can talk to you.” Hahaha, Potter like, I’ve seen enough.

Whoa! Transition alert! I don’t even know how to describe this, it was like an in-camera PowerPoint wipe? Jaunty!

BJ grabbing his hands to get him to stop doing CPR, and Hawkeye just letting him hold them while he gets his own breath back. See, and now you do this…and I just…..!

Ah, I know exactly what you mean, Father. Hawkeye would ‘make a fine priest’ in the sense that he could write a good sermon. And he could write a good sermon in the sense that Danny Boyle, M. Night Shyamalan, Martin Scorsese—they were all on their way to seminary school before veering off into filmmaking. Because: they liked the storytelling. They liked getting at meaning, at feeling, through words delivered a certain way. Commanding an audience, and trying to get them to understand. Who does this apply to most in camp?

Line delivery of the episode once again goes to David Ogden Stiers, for “What is your name?”

I want to be playing poker in the sunshine with Klinger, Hawkeye, BJ, and Margaret with her sleeves pushed up her shoulders.

The way Klinger comfortingly trilled a little “Brrrr” to freezing Hawkeye as he pulls a blanket around his shoulders has gone right to the cockles of my heart. You sweet weirdo I love you!

INCREDIBLY dynamic of them to take five minutes from us for the commercial break, I yelped

Oh, SOLID Potter impression, Jamie Farr!

I like whenever they make grim jokes about this being a “police action,” not a war. Can you believe we were doing this shit all the way back in the ‘50s…. Potter, in his lil lilting gravely grandpa voice: “Believe me, boys and girls: this is a war.”

Father Mulcahy’s sad war song: it moved this reporter

Big ups to Kellye teasing Hawkeye behind the bar at Rosie’s in the most gender way possible

“Hawkeye, you’re really cute, and probably a wonderful dancer—” thanks, Scully

What does PDQ mean, Potter

Hawkeye is spelling “theremin” in Scrabble

With Radar leaving, Charles has probably taken the mantle of funniest character on this show per minute. He kills me. <3 His silly presh baby chatter, then segueing into “I talked to everyone in camp, which, by the way is a first for me—”

To everyone else they’re Class A’s, to Pierce they’re “Sunday go-to-court-martial clothes”

Uuuugh the loosened ties and unbuttoned cuffs of an off-duty Class A….

Are they using the Officer’s Club a lot more this season, or is this just me

Image set idea: every group shot where Hawkeye is half horizontal on some surface half asleep

Loretta Swit wins first actor on this show to feel for an elevated temperature correctly: back of the hand

Sometimes I wanna get at Alan Alda with Glossier ‘Boy Brow’ and just see what happens. I mean by all rights this man should have eyebrows

Wait, it’s MAXWELL Klinger. Maxwell Q! Quentin? Quincy? Quinn??

I like night in the camp when everything is quiet

Kind of appreciate that by this point putting Captain Pierce in charge is just routine. It’s only the third time but Potter’s like, it’ll be the charm. And then he’s right, it’s entirely uneventful.

I know I’ve cried at the last two episodes in a row and yet already can’t remember much of them. Truly this season is so odd.

The return of Alan Alda’s actual dad, and the emergence of Loretta Swit’s BIG HAIR. A lot to take in in one episode.

Oh and naturally EVERYONE’S FREEZING, ALANNN

That was his bROTHER????!?! Other Alda????!!

I mean we really need to bring the drag back because so far Klinger’s whole experience as the new company clerk has been essentially “god forbid women do anything”

At least Sidney’s here :)

I’m already so into the COLD & DREAMS episode and we haven’t even hit the DREAMS

AH HERE ARE THE DREAMS

Oh Klinger that’s brilliant. Warm up the blood against the bodies it wants to be back in.

The sense of spatial arrangement and time and perspective all so mutable…it’s really, really good. Most cinematic dreams are fantastical but overall too sequential—this nails that “and now this is happening” quality.

The bit where as Father Mulcahy nods off this soldier's words become nonsense?? So neat and so effectively rendered!!! Huge commendations to this actor’s seamless transition, god I loved the sensation of watching this.

Ohhhh this is not what I though Hawkeye’s nightmare would be like, and ho-ly shit

Very rare that you actually see someone in the real life swallow convulsively—5 narrative fiction points to Alan. No you know what: 7

Smitten with her deep voice. I have as the kids say, a crush.

“This is BJ, the doctor that put you back together, and this is Hawkeye, who uh, seems to be falling apart.” She’s so clever and so fun, hell yeah Mike.

WAIT “LET ME SHOW YOU MY ETCHINGS” HAS BEEN A JOKE SINCE AT LEAST 1980?? What is this from!!!!! I thought my theatrical design friends made this up in 2009!! Update: WOW! We’ve just all been making this same inside joke no one knows the origin of for over 100 years!!

I know I’ve had two hot toddies but all I want is to spend the night with Margaret and Aggie and just talk into the night while lotioning our arms, maybe flirt a little, who knows

Charles: “Klinger, as the poets would say: [lowers three inches] hubba hubba.” This episode is the most fun I’ve had all season.

Huh. Oh huh. It’s Hawkeye’s comment about how the war threw Aggie and Scottie together and now they care about each other, that cracks it for BJ. Now he can pin his feelings on the war. You gave him an out—both a way to reframe it and a tool to end it. I half-think you knew what you were doing, too.

“Everyone knows the civilian M.D.s pack away the dineros.” Excuse me?? Is ‘De Niro’ a homonym for money?? Is his name Bobby Money???? Update: Spanish for an old Roman coin. Incredible.

Just started chanting “Math! Math! Math!” through a mouthful of cake. Okay, average of 7 bowel resections a week, for 546 total = 78 weeks. Hawkeye has been there 1 and a half years. In Season 5, it was already 2 years. This has been: the Jeremy Bearimy Corner.

Potter: “Pierce, you’re like an unbroken colt, and all I can do is give you reign until you wear yourself out.” Help that’s astute.

Okay I still need to figure out what PDQ means, Sherm….. Oh hey it means “as quickly as possible,” but why...? PRETTY DAMNED QUICK ! Fuck this is going in my vocab immediately.

BJ grinning to himself at learning Hawkeye has squirreled a Jeep away somewhere as part of his “payment,” and receiving a warm conspiratorial grin in return, then later slyly stealing another Jeep for him—this is what I love.

Aaah yay they’re doing it again! Charles was eventually proven to be wrong and immediately starts apologizing and complimenting them and shaking their hands. This is very consistent!

Whaaaat we never shoot the tent from this angle??

Whaaahahahahaat is THIS ANGLE ALSO

Get your camera out from between his legs, this man is a father!!

Oh and in closing, the numbers on this season: - 3 episodes written & directed by Alan Alda - 2 episodes where they’re all so cold - Venn diagram is a completely contained circle

In the third one he wrote & directed Hawkeye still ends up under a blanket being doused in ice, and another he just directed someone else's script—and put everyone in jackets and turtlenecks. I still don’t know what this means, but by god it sure is important. To me.

— — —

Season Viewguides

These

#M*A*S*H #M*A*S*H hours #Misc. MASH #Tarra takes notes

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reginarubie · 2 years

Text

Stark sisters, more similar than we'd think

Rage ~ the wolf blood

"I hate them," Arya confided, red-faced, sniffling. "The Hound and the queen and the king and Prince Joffrey. I hate all of them. Joffrey lied, it wasn't the way he said. I hate Sansa too. She did remember, she just lied so Joffrey would like her."

"We all lie," her father said. "Or did you truly think I'd believe that Nymeria ran off?" — Arya II, AGOT

Sansa stared at him, seeing him for the first time. He was wearing a padded crimson doublet patterned with lions and a cloth-of-gold cape with a high collar that framed his face. She wondered how she could ever have thought him handsome. His lips were as soft and red as the worms you found after a rain, and his eyes were vain and cruel. "I hate you," she whispered. (...)

“That’s what I’ll give you, Lady Sansa. Your brother’s head.”

A kind of madness took over her then, and she heard herself say, “Maybe my brother will give me your head”

(...)

All it would take was a shove, she told herself. He was standing right there, right there, smirking at her with those fat wormlips. You could do it, she told herself. You could. Do it right now. It wouldn't even matter if she went over with him. It wouldn't matter at all. — Sansa VI, AGOT

Soft spoken and courteous

Joffrey frowned. Sansa felt that she ought to say something. What was it that Septa Mordane used to tell her? A lady's armor is courtesy, that was it. She donned her armor and said, "I'm sorry my lady mother took you captive, my lord." — Sansa I, ACOK

It was even worse than before; Lady Smallwood insisted that Arya take another bath, and cut and comb her hair besides; the dress she put her in this time was sort of lilac-colored, and decorated with little baby pearls. The only good thing about it was that it was so delicate that no one could expect her to ride in it. So the next morning as they broke their fast, Lady Smallwood gave her breeches, belt, and tunic to wear, and a brown doeskin jerkin dotted with iron studs. "They were my son's things," she said. "He died when he was seven."

"I'm sorry, my lady." Arya suddenly felt bad for her, and ashamed. "I'm sorry I tore the acorn dress too. It was pretty."

"Yes, child. And so are you. Be brave." — Arya IV, ASOS

Assertive and dutiful

"Oh, gods," an old woman wailed. "We're lost, the battle's lost, she's running." Several children were crying. They can smell the fear. Sansa found herself alone on the dais. Should she stay here, or run after the queen and plead for her life? She never knew why she got to her feet, but she did. "Don't be afraid," she told them loudly. "The queen has raised the drawbridge. This is the safest place in the city. There's thick walls, the moat, the spikes . . ." Sansa raised her hands for quiet. "Joffrey's come back to the castle. He's not hurt. They're still fighting, that's all I know, they're fighting bravely. The queen will be back soon." The last was a lie, but she had to soothe them. She noticed the fools standing under the galley. "Moon Boy, make us laugh." (...) "Help him," Sansa commanded two of the serving men. One just looked at her and ran, flagon and all. Other servants were leaving the hall as well, but she could not help that. Together, Sansa and the serving man got the wounded knight back on his feet. — Sansa VII, ACOK

"You take her!" she yelled. "You get her out! You do it!" The fire beat at her back with hot red wings as she fled the burning barn. It felt blessedly cool outside, but men were dying all around her. She saw Koss throw down his blade to yield, and she saw them kill him where he stood. Smoke was everywhere. There was no sign of Yoren, but the axe was where Gendry had left it, by the woodpile outside the haven. As she wrenched it free, a mailed hand grabbed her arm. Spinning, Arya drove the head of the axe hard between his legs. She never saw his face, only the dark blood seeping between the links of his hauberk. Going back into that barn was the hardest thing she ever did. Smoke was pouring out the open door like a writhing black snake, and she could hear the screams of the poor animals inside, donkeys and horses and men. She chewed her lip, and darted through the doors, crouched low where the smoke wasn't quite so thick.

A donkey was caught in a ring of fire, shrieking in terror and pain. She could smell the stench of burning hair. The roof was gone up too, and things were falling down, pieces of flaming wood and bits of straw and hay. Arya put a hand over her mouth and nose. She couldn't see the wagon for the smoke, but she could still hear Biter screaming. She crawled toward the sound. — Arya IV, ACOK

Brave and snarky

He grabbed the little girl by the hand and pulled her close. "What if the wolves come?"

"Yield," Arya suggested. — Arya V, ACOK I am a direwolf, and done with wooden teeth. — Arya X, ACOK

Sansa felt tears in her eyes. "He is not! He's not the least bit like that old drunken king," — Sansa III, AGOT

Brave. Sansa took a deep breath. I am a Stark, yes, I can be brave. — Sansa III, ASOS

Foreshadowed to help take back/hold the North

"Winter is almost upon us, boy. And winter is death. I would sooner my men die fighting for the Ned's little girl than alone and hungry in the snow, weeping tears that freeze upon their cheeks. No one sings songs of men who die like that. As for me, I am old. This will be my last winter. Let me bathe in Bolton blood before I die. I want to feel it spatter across my face when my axe bites deep into a Bolton skull. I want to lick it off my lips and die with the taste of it on my tongue." — The King's prize, ADWD

"When Robert dies, Harry the Heir becomes Lord Harrold, Defender of the Vale and Lord of the Eyrie. Jon Arryn's bannermen will never love me, nor our silly, shaking Robert, but they will love their Young Falcon . . . and when they come together for his wedding, and you come out with your long auburn hair, clad in a maiden's cloak of white and grey with a direwolf emblazoned on the back . . . why, every knight in the Vale will pledge his sword to win you back your birthright." — Alayne II, AFFC

#sansa stark #Arya stark #stark sisters love #stark sisters #Ned and Cat’s little girls

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flipping-the-coin · 8 months

Text

Guardsman Recruit - Paradox: Entry #001

[10 Vorns after the restoration of Cybertron]

[Cycle 1 of training]

[Recording begins]

══════════════════

Is this thing on? I think so...

Right, my designation is Paradox! I was told by my Commander that I needed to begin keeping a record of my time in training so that once I finish I can review it. He says its so that when the time comes we can see how much we have changed for the better. I think its a little silly, but I am not going to be the one to tell the mech who served under the last Prime "no".

Anyway, as I said, my designation is Paradox and I was drafted into the ranks of the elite guard after I proved my worth in the trials. My Nurturer is a wonderful femme, but she's always been religious. As soon as she heard the guard were looking for young recruits, she sent me out to go try. I didn't see the harm in making the attempt, I already wanted to join up with the military and the guard are kind of military affiliated right? If nothing else it made my Nurturer happy, so I gave it a shot and somehow succeeded. She very nearly started crying when I came home to pack up my things and head to boot camp! She gave me a holo projector with a picture of us together so I don't forget to come visit her once and a while.

I asked the Commander if I could send her messages, but he said no. He said something about training being a time to step away from mortal attachments to become something greater. I don't mean to be rude or anything, seriously no shade toward Commander Smokescreen, I know he fought in the war and all... but I think he might have a screw loose somewhere. Its just boot camp and he's treating it like we are about to go on some sacred pilgrimage. I know the guard are tied to the Primacy and that's an organization that's religious as scrap, but still, feels a bit over the top.

But enough about that, let me tell you, those trials were no joke! Only mecha under five vorns were allowed to enter them, then we had to go through all sorts of slag to pass!

There was a medical assessment where some Primacy doctors took energon samples, poked at all of my components, scanned every part of me, and made me do a physical fitness test. I thought I was going to die with how many strange poses they made me do and how many laps I had to run. I think I did well though since at least half of the others who joined me were weeded out during the examination. There was even a poor mech who ended up overheating two laps in. It was probably best he didn't get past the trials, I think he would have rolled over and died honestly.

Once we finished that, the head doctor sent us into a separate room where we were given a pretty tough assessment. There was a fully fledged guardsman there and she was armed to the denta. No joke, she looked ready for war. Her entire frame was covered in this intricate armor that I think was magnetized to her plating or something. She had all these super intricate engravings all over her as well, and I couldn't read any of them. I think they were in the old language or something. I'd never seen a guardsman up close until then, and I couldn't help but admire the care that went into her armor and the way the gold and blue meshed. With that said, it still felt a little over the top, although I am sure there is a slag ton of symbolism or something behind it.

Anyway, she lined us up and then stared us all down one by one. I don't know what she was looking for, but three of the others were dismissed after she looked into their optics. That put me on edge I will admit, but not nearly as much as when she sat us down and gave each of us a written test. The questions were very odd. Some were expected, mainly math, reading comprehension, writing, and science. But then as I answered those, there were more and more questions all about topics with no active relation to academic studies. The questions were ones like "What is a Prime?", "What does it mean to be loyal?", "If forced to choose, would you die for the benefit of the people as a whole or flee to survive?", and "How important is individualism?". Super strange stuff, but I answered as best as I could.

The guardsman looked our answers over and graded them way faster than I ever thought possible. It took maybe ten Kliks and that was with nearly fifty different tests! But as soon as she finished another twenty mecha were dismissed and taken away. Those of us that remained were quickly herded into some sort of training ground. There we were each allowed to pick a weapon of our choosing. We weren't told what was going on, so to be safe I chose a spear. I don't mean to brag, but my Nurturer was pretty fragging fine with the spear and I inherited that skillset! I doubt anyone but the most battle hardened could beat me when I've got my weapon on me! And that's even after I got my aft handed to me!

It was literally the most terrifying thing ever when all of us suddenly found ourselves facing off against actual guardsmen! I swear on Primus's name we fought ACTUAL guardsmen! I got pitted against a particularly large guardsman with that same elaborate gold and blue armor. His face was largely covered by a mask, but I could see these super intricate engravings around his optics that were so small I only saw them as he charged at me.

I thought I was going to die as I desperately fended off the guardsman's blade. I looked everywhere, begging for help with my field... but not a spark moved. My fellows were in the same position and the watching guardsman merely stared us down with optics that were... so cold... so very apathetic and calculating. Looking back... I don't think they would have cared if we died...

But that is beside the point. I am unsure how long I struggled for, but I did much better than the others thanks to my Nurturer's training. I was by no means winning or even driving the guardsman back, but I was keeping myself alive. I was covered in small cuts and minor gashes, and honestly I think he was toying with me. The guardsman's field was held close, silent and without emotion. It startled me... but the way he used his blade told me that if he really wanted to, he could have ended me with one simple swing.

Time seemed to blur as I fought with my spear. I stopped paying attention to the others or the guardsman that watched my struggle without a care in the world. I was desperate and I could only keep my optics on where I thought my enemy would strike next. My fans burned and my frame hurt in so many places, but I was scared... I didn't want to die... so I kept fighting. I kept trying to buy myself but a moment longer. Then just as the guardsman finally swept my pedes out from under me, I think I had a bit of a revelation.

I saw the guardsman raise his blade above my helm. I saw his optics as they shone and I saw the cold and simple resolve there. And in that moment... I wasn't afraid anymore. I saw the blade, I knew what it meant, but I found myself unworried. I fought as hard as I could, and that was all there was to it.

Then the blade dug into the ground next to my helm and the guardsman stood, reaching down to help me get back onto my pedes. I was shocked and I could hardly think, but the guardsman watching gave an approving nod and instead of being sent away with the doctors like ten others that made it to the last part of the trials, my shoulders were clasped by the guardsman... and I could have sworn on every possible power in this universe that they smiled. Not with their mouths of course, but I could sense it for the briefest of moments in their fields as they brought me among their number and presented me and the remaining potential recruits to Commander Smokescreen.

Commander Smokescreen was shorter than I expected, but then again, according to the records he is only barely out of younglinghood. He had this look to him that was so very contradictory yet that fit him perfectly at the same time. His face was very youthful and the way he held himself spoke of energy with no place to be poured. If one didn't look all that closely I wouldn't blame them for thinking him just another youngling playing soldier. However his optics were just as cold as the other guardsman and his field firmly clamped tight around him. The way he stood was stiff yet prepared his frame to act at a moment's notice. His voice certainly didn't help the oddity of his identity.

He told us we had passed the trials. He told us that we were going to become part of the chosen, the Prime's honor guard and personal attendants. Commander Smokescreen used many sub-glyphs that I don't know and he spoke in a strange accent that hinted at reverence. But as I said before, I am pretty sure he's missing something upstairs, so I don't blame him for sounding weird. Eventually though he ran through some rules and what to expect, answered a few questions, and then directed us to return home to collect our items. We were told to return to the trial grounds in three cycles, and if we failed to turn up that we would be hunted down and dragged back.

A little scary honestly. But the guard are like the army after all. Gotta make a point to keep trouble makers in line I guess. Anyway I followed orders, got a special meal with my Nurturer, packed up, came to the trial grounds, and now I am here. I thought I was going to have to bunk with someone, but nope. Its just me in a small room in the guard barracks. Its pretty plain with just a simple berth, one shelf for my stuff, and a desk with this recording device. The ceiling is covered in Primacy symbols, but I think its mostly for show.

Well, I think that's enough for this cycle. Tomorrow training starts and I think I will try to record my mental state or whatever once a deca-cycle or so. I hope I can finish up training soon so I can show my Nurturer how far I've come. I think she'll be proud.

Elite Guardsman Paradox signing off!

══════════════════

[Recording ends]

[Recording uploaded to guardsman recruit supervisor for review]

[Training plan in development]

#maccadam #transformers #transformers prime #transformers prime au #two sides to a coin au #tfp elite guard #cybertronian culture #two sides supplemental writing #two sides elite guard supplemental report #tfp smokescreen #worldbuilding

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kumine-exe · 5 months

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Michi's past...?

This is gonna show why Michi does not like humans, and why they have not know that mich human things, like movies, candy, human love and many more :<

When Michi was first born into this world they were in a forest, their mother then roughly picked them up and ran back to her house with her boyfriend, or Michi's father (oh boy...) she then threw Michi onto the floor as she and their father started to yell each other, then Michi opened their eyes to see and hear their parents yelling st each other, then turned to Michi and yelled at them, even though they were just a baby....and that's how Michi's life started....roughly...

Michi was scared to just walk around in their own home, they had to learn the basics themselves like how to use the human bathroom and how to eat, but they could be starving because the parents would not feed Michi that much or at all, it was rare for them to feed Michi, it was just so they could shut up and not cry. Which was once a week, so ya Michi was starving until like 2 or 3 when they started to walk around and get the trash scrapes that their parents just threw away, so Michi never really gotten a full meal, they had to listen to their parents going back and forth yelling at each other, and if Michi was seen they would be yelled at as well (which was almost all the time) this went on and on until it was the last straw for Michi's mother, she packed her things as the father yelled at them, Michi noticed this and tries to help them by running up to their mother and grabbing their leg to try and pull them back into the house to try and fix their relationship. But their mother kicked them off her as Michi went flying into a wall, hard...then the mother said something that hurted Michi a bunch...

Mother: I wish I never had you!..I knew that I should've have taken that plan B years ago!! I wish you die you mistake!! Just get away from me you rat!

The mother then left Michi alone with their abusive father, just at the age of 3 (wow bro....)

The town peoples were no better, they either ignored Michi or just yelled and made fun of them, they always thought Michi was a bad kid when they tried to tell on their father for being abusive, but the town thought Michi was stupid and annoying because the father knows how to act nice and innocent...so the town thought Michi was a bad and naughty kid, besides it was in their house not in public so no one ever saw it.

And before you ask, school was also the worst, the student bullied Michi as they also framed them for something that they never did, the kids l9ved to see Michi get in trouble by the teachers, the teachers thought Michi was a bad kid like the towns people did, whenever Michi was bullied by the other students the teachers would just think that Michi deserves it,

One time for summer break Michi was walking through the forest until they accidentally found a lab and walked inside wondering what's in it, they heard a wolf cry for help and saved the wolf, before the scientists could kick Michi out Michi revealed their little animal communication abilities and the scientists took advantage of it by taking Michi and running experiments on them, trapping them in rooms with hurt animals to try and command and control the animal, and putting random syringes in them, this caused Michi with a kind of aura around them for animals to fall under control under them so I guess the scientists experiments worked after all of the abuse and torture they went through from the scientists but luckily Michi escaped the scientists but everytime they use this aura power their eye turn gray or white and they most of the time have a headache after/during it.

(back to the other things)

this went on days, months years for Michi, right when they turned 10

(by the way, Michi did not know anything about a birthday because no one really celebrated it so they never knew what it was or other things like Halloween and Christmas and the other holidays)

Michi had enough so when their father hit them again they ran out of the house and started to go to the forest, they could hear their father yelling for them to come back, but Michi did not, as soon as they turned behind them they seen their father running after them with sharp objects, he then threw them at Michi which hit Michi's face

(causing all of those scars on Michi's face in that one pic....also a bit of su!side in this part)

Luckily Michi got away and was now in the forest, alone, at 10 years old...but luckily a bear that Michi likes to play with (Michi can talk to animals) saw Michi and decided to call the animals in and let Michi in the woods, now Michi played with strong animals, climbed trees a lot and know the art of patience....but Michi did not like one this which was the hunting seasons...where the humans hunting animals, Michi tried to protect the animals that were getting hunting for fun. Michi thought the reason why they are alive is one thing, which is to help all the animals not be scared and fight back to humans, and nothing else. Michi thought that they did not deserve love and appreciation anymore they thought that they did not need or deserve respect or to be heard. They were thinking that as soon as their life mission was accomplished then they would kill themselves so no one else would be upset because they know about Michi's presents in this world and so the animals could be in peace. They thought they were worthless and useless and that no one wants them and everyone who is nice is a lie.

(Michi could still try and help the animals that was trying to get hunting for food, but also Michi know about that and could not really blame the humans, well mainly because the animals do the same so...also Michi is not a vegetarian so ya..)

This one day Michi saw a rabbit being surrounded by mean teens with guns, Michi grabbed the bunny to protect it, the teens then shot Michi in the arm, it luckily missed them, but it was close enough to where it left a mean big scar on their arm, Michi then stepped back into the river with the bunny, the river was fast and had sharp rocks in it. All the rocks marked Michi but luckily they got out and the bunny was safe.

One day a person came up to Michi and gave them a application to hopes peak then left. Michi looked at the paper and thought that it would be something with not that mich humans, and they were scared to see what would happen if they have said no to them so Michi went...

And thats how Michi got to hopes peak academy with the characters:)

#kmat #danganronpa oc #danganronpa #Michi Aridoto #ptsd #trama #Sad

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spicysoftsweet · 3 years

Text

summary: gojo’s tired of you resisting him

warnings: home invasion, noncon, degradation, fem!reader

a/n: this was supposed to be a crumb for @mahitopegger i have no idea wtf happened. i didn’t edit this || reposted from sideblog (now deactivated) on 4/17/2021.

It was only after the soft click of your door, and the eerie silence thereafter that seemed to threaten to close you in, that you realized that something wasn’t quite right. Your eyes darted left, then right, and you kicked off your shoes slower than usual, setting them semi-haphazardly to the side of your entryway.

Even if you weren’t paranoid, you were still the type of person to double check, sometimes triple-check your locks on occasion before you left your home, and you did remember your key turning the right way just seconds ago.

Maybe you were overreacting - after all you lived in a relatively safe area, alone save for your cat with a propensity to mewl for food at all hours of the day. Ah, that was possibly the issue, the fact that your little furry friend hadn’t made his presence immediately. But he knew how to be quiet sometimes, and was fond of an early afternoon nap.

The sound of your keys clattering on your coffee table now seemed unceremoniously loud, like you were disturbing a religious service. In your own house.

Your heart started to race for just a moment, and you turned around quickly.

Nothing. No person, no ghost, no cat. Just you, a sudden sense of unease, and your rapidly beating heart.

Why were you so anxious?

You couldn’t recall the last time you’d felt so unsettled for the moments in which you paced down your hallway, ears tuned to the soft footfalls of your presumably sleeping companion. You would have whispered its name but you didn’t want to wake up the needy little bastard unnecessarily.

It was only three paces in that you stilled suddenly, and the memory of the last time you’d felt this way suddenly struck vividly in your mind.

Clear blue eyes, bordered by long, pale white eyelashes. A smile, once easy and bright, with corners turned up far too high into malice.

You froze.

Was it him? Was Gojo in your house? He wouldn’t... would he?

Your last encounter had been... suboptimal, to say the least. You’d all but told him to get lost, that you weren’t and would never be interested, not after knowing who he was, what he was.

You needed a quiet, calm existence. Your imprint on the world would be measured. You had to stay away from bad omens like his.

But his reaction had been unnatural. He hadn’t given you a real response, just a smile, and you had felt just as unnerved then as you did now before you parted.

You were clearly still spooked.

But these nerves were just vestiges of your anxiety. Gojo knew how to take no for an answer. Of course he did.

He didn’t - you opened your bedroom to find the young sorcerer waiting for you, your cat comfortable in his arms.

“Ah! You’re back~”

Gojo didn’t move; rather, he continued to sit in his relaxed position, legs outstretched onto the bed, palm stroking softly at the soft orange fur. The soft purr of the docile animal filled the air with sharp contrast to your wordless mouth, opening and closing once in shock, and the frenzied beat of your heart.

He smiled before his eyes did, and shifted on top of your covers, getting to his feet. Dressed casually in a white t-shirt and a loose pair of sweatpants, as though he’d been lounging around your house the entire day... as though he lived here.

“W-what are you doing here?” You choked out.

His eyebrows furrowed, and his hold on the little creature relaxed, who remained for just a moment, mewing once before jumping off his lap, brushing by your legs that felt as though they would start shaking any moment, and then promptly sauntered out of the room.

“You didn’t tell me you had a cat,” Satoru remarked, now sitting with legs criss-crossed on the bed, hair mussed and relaxed, and with affect as bright as a child on his first sleepover. He patted the space on the bed next to him, beckoning you to come sit. “Did you have a good day?”

“Gojo, please get out of my house.”

His expression darkened for just a moment before it returned to its natural cheeriness. He patted the space next to him again.

“You must be tired. I can make you something. Tea?”

Your feet were glued to the ground, neither advancing nor retreating.

“P-please leave,” you repeated, more wary this time. Your hands were starting to shake and you watched his eyes flicker to them, then back to your eyes.

“Why would I do that?” He said, tilting his head ever so slightly.

His eyes bore into yours and you felt your stomach turn.

“Don’t you like my attention?”

“Satoru, please,” you continued, your lower lip wobbling inadvertently. “Please, just leave... I won’t tell anyone you came here, just... I can’t return whatever feelings you have, so just go.”

Your fists clenched and unclenched, but you still were so tense, planted onto the floor as though you were a sharp dagger thrust into vulnerable flesh. Why weren’t your feet moving? You should be running. Running as far as you can from this man who could just as easily become a monster if he so pleased.

As though he knew you’d already become powerless - not that it made a difference, the power differential was already so vast - he rose, walking towards you in an open, unguarded stance. He wasn’t afraid of you in the least. The very thought made your blood boil.

Once he stood before you, towering over your shorter, smaller frame, his lips pursed.

“Stop shaking.”

It was a command, given in an annoyed but direct fashion.

You don’t know why you eked out, powerlessly, “I can’t.”

“You weren’t this afraid when you were telling me to fuck off a couple days ago,” he noted. His hand rose to grip your chin, tilting your face to him. You don’t know when you’d started crying, but tears were now streaming down your face, warm and wetting his fingers.

“You’re crying? Where’s the sass you had then?”

“Please...”

Against your better wishes, his lips pressed to yours, and somehow then, your body remembered that adrenaline could also make you fight, and you did fight, thumping your hands balled into fists against his chest and his shoulders, as his hand gripped your chin tighter and his tongue forced its way down your throat. Once he’d gotten tired of your struggle, his other arm hooked around your waist, and he pulled you closer, pressing you against his body.

Your screams were muffled by his kiss as it grew deeper, and at some point, he’d decided on biting your lip painfully, drawing blood once he’d threatened you to shut the fuck up before he gave you something to cry about for real.

You remembered that the first time Gojo had kissed you, it had been soft and tender, nothing like this kiss that was violent and demanded submission; once his hand moved from its grip on your chin, it grasped your hair, fingers twisting and tugging to tilt your head back.

His lips left yours, now red and soon purple and blue, and made their way down your neck to mark them the same.

Every scream was futile, every plea for mercy fell on deaf ears.

At some point, you may have heard your cat meow for something... food? Out of sympathy? You weren’t sure, all you could think about were the painful hickeys on your collarbones and traveling down your bosom.

“I don’t know why you’re so resistant. You yourself called me selfish,” he murmured, ripping the top part of your clothing with the nonchalance with which one would peel a banana. At the sight of your exposed breasts, he was like a man rabid, slamming you backwards into the wall without much regard for head injury. His left arm caged you in, while his right pressed painfully onto your breast.

He paused for a moment, and grinned salaciously.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that~! You look so docile... it’s weird coming from you.”

To that, a fire renewed in your eyes, and you spat directly in his face. His lips curled again in satisfaction, barely reacting to the spittle dripping down his pretty features.

“Fuck you.”

“I will.”

With a small chuckle, he jerked your face painfully to the left such that you couldn’t look at him directly as he took your breast into his mouth.

The idea of this bastard suckling on you, loudly, lewdly as though you’d belonged to him only made the churn in your stomach worse, but the desperate attempts to a knee to his chest were met with barely a resistance. Like he knew you couldn’t hurt him and it was only a matter of time until you stopped and succumbed to him.

The process was already happening - you could feel your nipples hardening and a new flow of heat in your panties. Your tears became more prolific - no longer fear, but rage, but the hand that kept you steady against the wall was impossibly strong.

Your head swam as a confused pleasure started to replace the pain and fear you were feeling. More clothing was torn off of you, more of your skin was marked and licked and sucked. Once your panties were ripped to shreds, he lay your now languid and fight-drained body against him, cooing appreciatively at the new helplessness, pumping two slender fingers up and down your wet inner core as he moved you from the hard wall to the soft bed.

You almost thanked him.

His fingers remained within you as he laid you down, but once he withdrew his touch as your pounding hazy head hit the pillow, he replaced them with the roughness of his tongue, penetrating you without the least bit of shame.

You let slip the moan you had been holding in in defiance.

“That’s it, baby, let me hear you.”

He continued to lick and you continued to mewl.

Once he’d tired of the taste of your cunt, he invaded your privacy in the most all-encompassing way possible, pushing every inch of a greedy, throbbing cock inside of you. As you cried from the stretch, he shushed you with a hand clasped over your mouth to muffle your screams.

As if someone was going to help you. Maybe your cat would come and watch, but he’d found something else to do.

“I know it hurts but you’ll get used to it, I promise, babe,” he murmured, groaning slightly as he seated himself to the hilt. “There.”

He stilled and in the silence of the moment only punctuated by both of your soft pants, you remembered how to sob.

His nose crinkled, and he let out of a soft sigh, cock jerking impatiently inside you.

“Why are you so stubborn?” He mused, leaning against you so that his head rested in the softness of your breasts. He could hear your heartbeat that doesn’t beat for him... but rather it did, because he is the one making it quicken in some odd rhythm of terror and pleasure.

You didn’t speak because there was far, far too much to yell.

As though a timer had rung to mark the end of his empathy, he rose onto his hands again, sighing as he adjusted into the plushness of your walls that didn’t reject him as fervently as you did. He moved, shoving two fingers down your throat to gag your renewed protests as he thrust into you repeatedly.

The short gasps with every stroke only encouraged him, and the immense pleasure he found in the light of your eyes starting to fade into a placid dullness.

“You love me,” he informed you with every rut.

You didn’t answer.

You weren’t sure what this disgusting repetitive sensation bringing your body to climax was. You were no longer sure what he was even talking about, just that there was a warm thing pumping inside of you and fingers down your throat and pain everywhere else in your body, particularly your neck and shoulders and arms and breasts, and you were staring into precious sapphires littering the base of twin lakes.

“You love me,” he repeated. “I know you do.”

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #yandere gojo #yandere gojo x reader #tw noncon #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo sm #not sfw #gojo smut #mae.drabble #mae.writing

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