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minor-solemnity · 3 years

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To Be a Seer pt.5

Tag List: @jinxqsu @naps-and-lemons @riddles-wifey @mainlynonsense @cakesarecute @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @empath-bunny

You’re not naive enough to believe that Tom doesn’t have his own motivations, that he isn’t pulling the strings of public opinion for his own ends, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re interested. The mystery he presents, the truth of who and what he is… And maybe this is naive of you, but everything you’ve Seen has related to him and you refuse to believe that that doesn’t matter. Your finely honed instincts for self-preservation have well and truly flown out of the window when it comes to Tom.

He is, quite literally, your dream boy. Of course, you’re going to throw caution to the wind

There have been no new petrifications in the three weeks since you ran into Riddle outside the Prefects’ bathroom. You would have hoped that the lack of new attacks would do something to calm the student populace down a little, but it seems the opposite is true. The atmosphere in the corridors and the Great Hall is tense and uncomfortable. It’s as though everyone is waiting on tenterhooks for something to happen. Even the professors, who are all trying to put on a brave facade, are concerned. Your Heads of Houses have taken to sitting in on prefect meetings, reminding you all that it’s your job to make sure the rest of the students are safe. Despite the vastness of the castle and grounds, Hogwarts feels claustrophobic.

It’s at one of these meetings, on an otherwise nondescript Monday evening, that Dumbledore asks you to stay behind. You can’t quite hide the mix of surprise and reluctance that crosses your face at his request, though Dumbledore just continues to smile in that slightly unsettling way of his. You think of the way he’s looked at you in the past, as though he can see through all your defences and knows that you’re hiding something. He looks at you as though he doesn’t trust you. You’ve never liked being looked at like that, especially by someone for who you’ve never given any reason to doubt your integrity.

Next to you, Riddle stiffens slightly in his chair and you don’t like that either. Because this is real. Everything up until this point, you could minimise and justify. You’ve been tricking yourself into complacency for weeks, months even, why both telling the professors your suspicions about Tom when you don’t have proof?

You nod mutely and stay behind whilst everyone else files out of the room. Once you’re alone, Dumbledore smiles. “Please, take a seat, I wouldn’t want you to get sore feet, heaven knows that is an ailment that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.” You sit down and he stays standing, and, whilst his posture is casual, hands clasped in front of him, the height difference makes you feel anxious, like a small child about to be chastised. “Now, I imagine you’re wondering why I wanted to talk with you?” You nod and he smiles, “An easy question to answer, I’m glad to say. I’m wondering how you’ve been since the day we found poor Miss Wheatley. I apologise for not checking in on you sooner, though I daresay, young Mr Riddle has been making his shoulder available to cry on, should you need it.” You don’t miss the way his gaze sharpens at the mention of Riddle’s name.

Whatever he might say, you’re certain that Dumbledore doesn’t care about how you’re holding up. He suspects something, and his mention of Riddle makes you worry that he suspects that the two of you are in cahoots. The thought would be laughable except… Well, you’ve been keeping his secret for him, haven’t you? You could have gone to Dumbledore at any point and told him what you know. He’d believe you. He’s probably the only member of staff that isn’t fooled by the act that Riddle puts on.

This is your chance. Your chance to come clean and stop all this madness.

“Tom’s been very helpful,” Is what you end up saying. You don’t meet his gaze but your voice doesn’t waver either. “He’s, ahh, really made me feel quite looked after.” And the thing is, you’re not lying. Even if his motivations are suspicious, he has looked after you and made you feel oddly safe. You’re not sure what to think of it. Judging by the darkness that flashes ever so briefly across Dumbledore’s expression, he isn’t either.

There’s something about the way that he watches you - congenial and sympathetic - that you neither like nor trust. “Trust is a wonderful and strange thing - it can help build even the most difficult of bridges. You two have grown quite close, haven’t you?” You frown at the question and have half a mind to tell him that it is entirely inappropriate to ask about one’s students’ dating habits. More than that, it feels like he’s speaking in innuendo, every word out of his mouth has a double meaning and whilst you can’t figure out what he’s trying to tell you, you’re fairly certain that it’s nothing good.

“I guess you could say that, Professor.” You try to keep your answer as vague as possible because you know what people are saying, you know that the rumour mill has gone into overdrive regarding you and Riddle. There are plenty of girls in Hogwarts who would try anything to snag a date with him but until now, Riddle has shown little interest in anyone. The fact that he is displaying such outward devotion to you speaks volumes to anyone paying attention. You’d be lying if you said that it didn’t make your pulse quicken, didn’t send a fission of fire - too fierce and feral to be considered innocent, down your spine. You’d be lying if you said that there isn’t a part of you that enjoys the attention, enjoys the way he looks at you like he doesn’t quite understand you but wants to.

He is, quite literally, your dream boy. Of course, you’re going to throw caution to the wind.

Your brevity doesn’t seem to bother him and you’re unsure if that’s a good thing or not. You don’t have time to overthink the issue though, because Dumbledore asks, “Before I bid you goodnight, is there anything else you wish to talk with me about?” He lowers his head slightly as he talks like he’s trying to catch your gaze, and you’re not sure why but you feel goosebumps prick your skin and the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. You keep your eyes averted, directed just beyond his left shoulder, counting the cracks in the stone walls as you attempt to keep your nerves in check.

You push yourself up from your chair and turn to walk towards the door. “No, Professor. Like I said, I’ve been doing alright and Tom is just looking out for me.” It feels foreign and strange, though not necessarily unwelcome, to refer to him by his first name. It feels like another one of your carefully erected barriers, designed to keep you safe, is in the process of being demolished with all the grace of a mountain troll on a rampage.

You’re half expecting Tom to be waiting for you, but he’s isn’t and relief wells in your chest. You have some soul-searching to do and you’re not sure if you’d be able to face him right now. It’s only once you’re back in the safety of your dorm that you finally allow yourself to fully comprehend what has just happened. Students are being attacked and you’re fairly certain you’ve just aligned yourself with their attacker.

***

Three days later, at seven o’clock in the evening, you enter the entrance hall in a hurry. You’d been caught up in a lengthy conversation with Lucas about whether or not he should ask Deliah Bowers on a date and now you’re running slightly late for your prefect rounds. As you skid into the entrance hall, you see that Tom is already waiting for you. He’s sitting on one of the benches by the entrance to the dungeons, head bowed over a small book which he’s writing in, his legs are stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles and you take a moment to admire the lean line of his body, the elegant curve of his neck, the way he taps the end of his fountain pen in thought when he pauses in his writing. You’re reminded of why he has the reputation that he does; sitting there he looks like the embodiment of a perfect student: smart, quiet and, dedicated.

If only they all knew.

He looks up sharply at the sound of your approaching footsteps and snaps the book shut. “Evening,” You say and promptly flush at the way your voice comes out a little higher than usual, a little uncertain. It’s ridiculous, Tom has treated you the same since your impromptu meeting with Dumbledore, hasn’t asked you about it at all, but you still feel nervous around him, as though you’ve given him a reason to distrust you, as though you’ve let him down somehow. You offer him a small smile, your gaze sliding to his hands and his slender fingers which are capping his pen with deft precision. It’s really quite unfair that he can make even the most mundane of actions look so refined. “What were you writing?” His expression shifts slightly, becomes perfectly clear and smooth and you wonder if you’ve overstepped a boundary when he shakes his head and raises the book to the light.

It’s a small, thin diary, bound in black leather with his name monogrammed on the cover. It looks well-used but cared for, much like the rest of his belongings you realise. Now that you think of it, his robes and textbooks all share the same tell-tale traits of hand-me-downs, but he hasn’t any siblings. For the first time since you’ve known him, you begin to wonder who Tom is exactly, who his parents are, what his history is. You’ve been so focused on uncovering his future that you’ve quite forgotten to pay attention to his past.

The diary looks fairly expensive though and you wonder if it was a gift or if he had saved up to buy himself something he could be proud of owning. “My diary,” He says at last, his voice shaking you from your train of thought. “I bought it over the summer and have grown rather fond of it.” He pauses and then adds, “I suppose you could say it’s the only thing I’ve ever bared my soul to.”

Something in the way he smiles suggests he’s thought of something rather amusing, but you’re stuck on his choice of words. Without knowing why dread coils tight in your stomach. You shake the feeling off as the pair of you begin patrolling the corridors. For twenty minutes or so, you make idle chit-chat, discussing the lessons you share and the finer points on an ongoing debate between two Ancient Runes academics.

“Why the fountain pen?” You’re honestly surprised to see him use one. Quills are standard practice in the wizarding world, and whilst you have your own thoughts on their practicality, you’re shocked that Tom might feel the same way. Given his feelings towards muggleborns, you’re a little confused that he would willingly use something so muggle.

He hums in response to the question and casts you a sideways glance, amusement writ clear on his features. You get the distinct impression that he knows what you’re thinking and finds the whole thing rather droll. “Do you take issue with my using one?”

“What? No, of course not. I’m just surprised.”

“That I would prefer to use an instrument far more practical than a quill simply because the person who invented it was a muggle? I wouldn’t have taken you for a blood purist.” You bristle at his words and he raises an eyebrow, evidently having fun toying with you.

“I’m not.” You snap, crossing your arms over your chest defensively. Honestly, the nerve of him to accuse you of being a blood purist when he’s the one attacking muggle-borns. (You carefully don’t think about the fact that you are essentially condoning his behaviour by not stepping in when you have been given every opportunity to do so.) “I’m surprised that you’d see it that way because you’re the one who’s—”

“The one who has been what?” He cuts you off, and though his tone remains friendly, there’s a sharpness in his gaze and a tightness around the corners of his mouth that immediately puts you on edge. You swallow roughly, and the sudden desire to run away is almost overwhelming. When you don’t say anything, he stops walking and turns to face you fully. In the dim light, shadows dance along the dagger’s edge of his jawline. He is beautiful and terrifying and you can see the cracks in his visage where the boy becomes a man and the man becomes a monster. It probably says something about you that in this light, you find him all the more alluring.

He takes a single step towards you, graceful and predacious and you find yourself tensing as some primordial instinct overtakes you. Fight or flight except for the part of you that wants to run is diminishing by the second and the reckless desire to hook your fingers into the hollows of his collarbones and crack him open until you can see every part of him grows.

One thing is for certain: Tom is bad for your health.

“Don’t you think it’s time we stop this charade?” You lift your head to meet his impossibly dark eyes. You’re afraid but you’re past caring. “We both know what you’ve been up to. Why pretend that we don’t?” Something twists in his eyes, heat and anger and maybe a little bit of fear, but there’s also something else… Something bright and curious and pleased. You find that the most unsettling thing of all.

“You haven’t told Dumbledore.” It’s not a question, just a statement of fact and one that he obviously enjoys saying out loud. He stares down at you, smiling in a way that is not at all friendly. You’re reminded of the way Dumbledore had tried so hard to catch your gaze, though unlike with your transfiguration professor, you don’t look away from Tom. “Why is that I wonder? And, more importantly, how did you figure it out?” He’s so close that you can feel the warmth of breath fan across your cheeks, sending a bright spark of… something down your spine.

You don’t particularly want to answer either of his questions, but you know that he won’t let it go. He’s been being patient with you, you realise, waiting until a moment like this, when you’re alone and unguarded to interrogate you. The question is why? Actually, the question is how do you avoid answering him? It’s a little hard to think clearly with him so close to you and, judging by the small smirk that plays on his lips, you’re fairly certain he knows it too. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at me.” Which is the truth. It’s just not the whole truth. “As for your other question, well, I guess you’re not as difficult to read as you think you are.” Again, it’s not technically a lie, though how likely Tom is to agree with you is up for debate.

Tom’s stance grows stiff, a long line of barely contained anger and his eyes narrow. You wonder if it’s because you won’t tell him everything, or if it’s because the thought of being known and seen scares him. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s neither. Regardless, you feel as though you’re breathing water with how thick and heavy the air has grown around the two of you. “You don’t know anything,” He whispers, his voice is soft and low and you might describe it as sensuous if it weren’t for the way that he’s looking at you. Anger and fear coalescing and colliding in the dark pits of his pupils.

Something inside of you breaks. Tom is bad for your health. He makes you reckless and brave and that is sure to spell disaster. You laugh, and it’s not friendly. You’re not happy. You laugh and the sound is a bell toll, a chime of hysteria and disbelief. “Trust me, I wish I didn’t know anything.” And that… That is a lie. The more you find out about Tom the more you want to uncover. It’s a feral kind of hunger that overtakes and consumes you without you wanting it to. Just as he had ten minutes earlier, you take a step towards him and you’re so close that you can practically feel the tension that is rolling off of him. Your eyes trace the taught tendons in his neck, and clench of his fists, the pinched line of his lips. Something that could be glee flares deep inside you when his expression cracks, just a little, just enough for you to see surprise flit through his eyes.

He takes a step back. It feels like a victory. He looks wrong-footed, as though he is entirely unprepared for you to turn aggressor in this situation and you realise that Tom is probably aware of the effect that he has on people, has probably learnt how to wield his beauty and his intimidating personality in equal measure to get what he wants. You’re pretty sure that no one has ever called him on his bluff before. Because he was bluffing, you’re certain of that now. You can see the way nervousness plays in the barely-there shifting of his weight and in the way he’s leaning back ever so slightly. It makes you feel powerful. It makes you want to reach out and take and hold until you’re imprinted on his skin.

You don’t do any of those things. You let the tension simmer and you smile, something bitter and cynical and maybe a little taunting and then you push past him. You still have half a castle to patrol but you’re not sure you can stand to be near him right now, not until you’ve calmed down enough to sort your thoughts out. “I’ll meet you at the library,” You call over your shoulder and you’re only a little disappointed when he doesn’t follow.

***

Outside, the night air is cool against your flushed skin and you feel calmer before you’ve even lit your cigarette. You sit at the top of the steps that lead up to the castle and thumb your lighter impatiently, breathing in tobacco and nicotine and smoke. You’re not expecting to See anything in the smoke tonight - the inner eye doesn’t do well with an agitated mind and you’re too worked up to meditate. Which is why it’s all the more surprising when the smoke hangs in the air, unnaturally thick and still.

Tom is bad for your health. But you already knew that.

The phantom boy emerges from the smoke and this time, he’s clearer, more defined, a smokey apparition of bad omens to come. You watch in a trancelike state as the familiar scene plays out and the boy grows gaunt and haunted, breaking into seven until all that remains is a shade of a man, more ghoul than human. Each of the seven splinters begins to shake and you imagine that if smoke could make noise you’d hear screaming.

You’re startled from your reverie by Tom, who sits down next to you. The smoke collapses and you blink yourself back into reality. When you finally drag your gaze towards him you’re unsurprised to find that the full weight of his attention is focussed on you. He watches you with an intensity that makes the back of your neck prickle and your stomach drop to your knees. You see the instant that he puts it all together, you have a feeling he’s suspected for a while. And isn’t that a funny thing? You’ve been so focused on Seeing him, that you didn’t notice that he’s been seeing you the whole time too.

When he touches you though, his hands are tentative, like he’s unsure if he should, if he can, if he’s allowed. His fingers barely graze your skin, skittish and hesitant. But his touch is warm and human and you want him like this always. Whatever his future might be, you want him warm and human and whole.

“What did you See?”

(part1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5)

#tom riddle x reader #tom riddle fanfiction #tom riddle fanfic #tom riddle imagines #tom riddle imagine #tom riddle x you #tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle x oc #tom marvolo riddle #tom riddle #tom riddle story #minific #harry potter #harry potter fic

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j-amespotter · 3 years

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★ cardigan - s. b.

“i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired.”

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

x. x. x.

Summary: Your relationship with Sirius is on the rocks, but you loved him and at the end of the day, he was always there. For your own happiness, something had to change.

Genre/Warnings: angst, alcohol, language, toxic relationship

Word Count: ~3k

A/N: this took a lot, and i mean a lot of energy. not sure how i feel about it (i am my worst critic) but i really didn’t want a pushover protagonist. ps... communicating with your partner is hot! let me know what you think (and if you think i should make a taglist) :)

masterlist

“Ravenclaw girl this time. Blonde… I think I recognize her. Couldn’t see the front of her robes, she might be one of the fifth-year prefects. You know I’m terrible with names. Ask James, he finds it hilarious.”

“You should work for the Prophet, Lils,” you said, without looking up from your toast, which was becoming more and more tasteless with every bite. “What were they doing?”

“Talking,” answered Lily pointedly. “He ended the conversation fairly quickly when he saw me looking, though.”

You sighed. This discussion was becoming too routine for your liking, most often with Lily, occasionally with Remus. “Well, if they were just talking, then I don’t see the issue. Lily, it is early. We have double Potions this morning. I really don’t want to deal with your weird suspicions about my boyfriend right now.”

If Lily sensed your underlying irritation, she chose to ignore it. “I just think you deserve better, that’s all. I mean, James–”

You finally turned and stared defiantly into your best friend’s vibrant green eyes. “Lily, I hate to break it to you, but James is the exception, not the rule. Just because he’s some angel on earth doesn’t mean all boyfriends are like that, and that’s not even considering the fact that he’s been hopelessly in love with you since second year…”

Huffing, Lily picked at the fruit off of her plate. “Okay, I get it. I won’t bring it up again.” It was sweet how much Lily cared. James doted on her day and night. It would have been easy to forget about her friend’s love-related quandaries. But that was Lily Evans – always considerate of others.

Truthfully, you were tired. You knew what ‘talking’ with Sirius Black entailed. It did not make you feel as secure as you indicated to Lily. As time went on, it was getting increasingly harder to defend Sirius’s overly-careless behavior. If he wasn’t chatting up girls in random corners of the castle, he stood you up on your scheduled study dates in favor of detention with James. There was only a little comfort in the fact that he wasn’t always like this. If he was, would you have even dated him? Deep down, you knew that as much as Sirius was a thrill-chaser, he was incredibly capable of being a loving boyfriend. For that reason alone, you bore the incredibly painful motions of being in a relationship with him.

He briefly reminded you of his better qualities when you opened your Potions textbook and felt a feathery kiss on your neck. “Guess who?” whispered Sirius sultrily into your ear.

You couldn’t help the automatic flush that made its way onto your cheeks. “Hmm… is it Remus?” you whispered back, stifling a giggle.

“Don’t tease,” he grunted before planting a swift kiss on your cheek. He plopped onto the chair next to you and faced you with a lazy grin. “You look disappointed, love. I’m afraid your usual Potions partner is a bit preoccupied at the moment.” He gestured across the room, where you spotted Lily practically hanging off of James’s lap, distracting herself until the start of her favorite class with his lips.

“They’re hopeless,” you commented airily, in an attempt to disguise your envy. You felt Sirius’s gaze burning into you. “Missed you at breakfast this morning,” you added in a casual tone.

“Oh, well, you know–”

“No, I don’t know,” you interrupted, bitterness leaking from your clipped voice. You always let Sirius off too easily. “But I certainly can’t wait to hear your ready-made list of vague excuses. Please, do continue.” There. He had it coming. He deserved for you to throw him off track.

“Baby, it was nothing,” assured Sirius rather predictably. “Just Pippa asking for help with Transfiguration. Honest.” He placed a hand on his heart in mock sincerity, which only angered you further.

Nevertheless, you chose not to argue. He was incredibly brilliant with his words. There was no way he would understand your plight. Instead, you absentmindedly flipped through your Potions textbook as Slughorn finally entered his unruly classroom.

Sirius seemed uncharacteristically bothered by your lack of response. With a half-glance at James and Lily, he entwined his fingers into yours. “They’re in their honeymoon phase, you know. You really can’t compare.”

“There is no comparison, Sirius. James prioritizes Lily. I can’t remember the last time you prioritized me,” you whispered. There was a finality in your tone that you hoped he would hear. It was the most you were willing to discuss the matter.

Sirius Black was a lot of things, least of all oblivious. He gently squeezed your hand. Silently, he slipped his fingers out of yours, choosing to follow your lead and not pursue the issue any further.

A part of you was proud of the fact that you finally found it in you to voice your concerns to him, but another larger part dreaded the irreversible distance it put between the two of you for the rest of the day. You weren’t necessarily avoiding each other. Though his smiles were significantly more tender, he seemed reluctant to talk, let alone touch you.

Sick of the mental torment you were subjecting yourself to, you stuffed your unfinished Charms essay into your bag and headed to your dormitory, choosing to retire for bed early. Mid-yawn, you spotted a single red rose on your unmade bed. You didn’t have to read the attached note to know who it was from but felt your heart thudding against your chest as you unfolded the small piece of parchment.

I’m sorry. I love you.

There was no signature, but you could recognize his meticulously-slanted script anywhere. You stared at the note adoringly before pressing your lips to the corner of the crumply parchment and marking it with the remnants of your lip gloss.

Suddenly, you were no longer tired. Skipping down the stairs, you found yourself wishing for a certain map that would tell you the exact location of the only person you wanted to see.

Fate seemed to be on your side when you saw him in the common room, his head bowed as if he was praying. “You’re here!”

He gazed up at you, his shoulders relaxing when he noticed the smile on your face. “I’m really–”

You didn’t let him finish. You kissed him hard, throwing your arms around his neck. You felt him smile against your lips. Reluctantly, you pulled away from him. “Don’t worry about it. I was being silly.”

Sirius’s grin widened. “You’re quite low maintenance, y’know. I thought it would take at least a week and a hundred roses. And if not roses, then daisies, sunflowers, peonies… I was ready to pull all the stops. For future reference, a good snog is all it takes to win me over.”

You laughed heartily, though you struggled to keep up with his train of thought. You always appreciated his good-natured ability to poke fun at the gravest circumstances. “I just missed you.”

“Me too, darling. I’ll do better this time, I promise.”

☆

True to his word, Sirius showered you with a level of affection that could rival James’s for Lily. He spent every spare moment with you in his bed, sneaking into the kitchen for secret dinners, and pushing you against bookshelves in the back of the library, homework-be-damned.

On Tuesday night, you sat on the Astronomy Tower. You glanced at your watch, realizing that Sirius was nearly an hour late. Your eyelids were drooping shut. It had been a long day. Everything in your brain felt scattered. You could’ve been catching up on the mounds of schoolwork you were now falling behind on. Sirius… Did he say midnight? Did you hear him correctly? Maybe he meant for you to pencil it in. Maybe he was hurt. Was it Remus? You stared at the sky, peering at the crescent shape of the moon. It taunted you. Stop kidding yourself. He’s not coming.

Just as you were about to call it a night, Sirius stumbled into the Tower and onto the floor. Startled, you helped him up. “There you are! Are you alright? I was so worried… Are you drunk?”

His grey eyes shone in the soft moonlight. The cloudy expression on his face paired with the sloppy grin he sent your way spoke for him. “Lost track of time… we snuck into Hogsmeade,” he slurred. “Rosmerta slipped us some firewhiskey. Here, I brought us a bottle...” He reached into his robes, only to come out empty-handed. “Uh-oh… finished it. Sorry, baby.”

You processed his words very slowly, realization dawning on you with the weight of heavy bricks. “Un-fucking-believable.”

“Hey! We’re all of age.” He threw up his hands in surrender and widened his eyes innocently. “Next time, darling. I promise.”

“It’s not about the fucking drink, Sirius! You’re here so you obviously haven’t forgotten that we had plans tonight! I don’t care if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade, but you should’ve told me. I’ve been waiting here like an idiot for an hour. I’m exhausted!”

“Told you,” he grumbled, now irritated, “we lost track of time.”

You stared at him, unable to comprehend his complete shift in attitude. “Whatever,” you said finally. “I’m going to bed.”

Spinning on your heels, you swallowed the lump in your throat as you prepared to march away from him with your chin up. Before you could take too many steps, however, a firm hand grasped your wrist. The intensity of the force pulling you back to him felt so otherworldly that you could hardly believe it was a wasted Sirius.

You had a fleeting thought of pushing him away but instead tilted your head so he could pepper kisses onto the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry,” he whispered over and over again, between his fluttering pecks along your jawline.

His lips found yours. His hand released your limp wrist as his fingers gently trailed up your arm. “So beautiful,” he murmured, gazing directly into your eyes. You practically melted as your body fell into his. Like always, his arms were ready to catch you, drunk or otherwise.

☆

“No Sirius yet?” asked your mother, sipping her drink cheerily.

You refused to look her in the eye in fear of giving something away. “No, not yet. Should be here soon, though.”

“Better be,” said your father, slipping away from a party guest. “He’ll miss cake.”

It was your parents’ twentieth-anniversary party, an occasion made doubly special as their one and only daughter was now officially a Hogwarts graduate. You had planned the party and made Sirius promise that he would not only attend, but also arrive early to help greet your guests as your boyfriend.

You knew that your parents did not initially approve of Sirius, but as your relationship strengthened, so did Sirius’s standing in your family. Now, post-Hogwarts, you were desperate to not only show your parents that the two of you were committed to one another but also feel yourself that your love would endure the many challenges of adulthood.

As the last of your family friends trickled out of your childhood home, you failed to hide your disappointment at his loud absence. Like many months earlier, your mind see-sawed between possibilities, some pathetic, others worrying. You were in the middle of a war, after all. You always believed Sirius’s recklessness would be his downfall.

Fortunately or unfortunately, your worries subsided when you saw him slip into the parlor with a present in hand and a sheepish smile directed at you and your parents. “Happy anniversary! Sorry I’m late, you won’t believe– hey, where’s the party?”

“It’s over,” you announced bitterly.

Your mum and dad sensed the tension and tactfully exited the room. “We saved you some cake, dear,” your mother said to Sirius, after politely thanking him for his present.

“So,” you started as you heard your parents’ footsteps fade away, “where were you? Actually, don’t answer that. Let me talk first. This was important to me, Sirius. You knew that! What will I say to Mum and Dad? Don’t I matter to you at all? Is it always going to be like this?”

“Slow down,” whispered Sirius. “I’ll explain everything – just listen! I was with James, okay? We were only mucking around on the bike. I was on the way, I swear! But then these Muggle Aurors – police, they’re called – they started chasing us! We were getting away but these three blokes – Death Eaters – caught up to us. Long story short, we got into quite a scuffle and…” He looked at you in an attempt to gauge your reaction.

Your mouth hung open as you absorbed his story. Regardless of your anger, he presented a legitimate case for himself that you could not quash. “Death Eaters? Thank Merlin you’re alright. How on earth did you get away?”

“I’ll tell you everything. Your mum mentioned something about cake?”

You stood on your toes, wrapping your arms around his waist and laying your head on his chest. “In the kitchen,” you answered softly. “I wish you would be more careful.”

He kissed your temple. “Don’t worry,” said Sirius dismissively, “I handled it, didn’t I?”

☆

“So, what do you think?”

You and Sirius were standing in the middle of his new studio flat. Primely-located and newly-furnished, it was the picture-perfect bachelor pad. Sirius now had a place to call his own, thanks to a bountiful inheritance from his Uncle Alphard. The walls were bare and the lighting dim, adding an overall sensuality to the atmosphere.

“It’s nice,” you remarked sincerely, smoothing his plain black bed sheets. You peeked into his wardrobe, smirking to yourself as you noticed it was half-empty. “Lost the rest of your clothes, babe?”

“No,” answered Sirius quietly. “It’s for you.”

“What is?”

“The closet space. It’s for your clothes.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“For when I come to visit,” you amended automatically.

You turned to see Sirius scratching the back of his head. “No, for when you live here. With me.”

“W-What?” Your mind was reeling. You leaned against his side table to steady yourself. “Me? Move in with you?”

“Well… yeah,” said Sirius as he slowly regained his signature confidence. “We’ve been together for ages, seems about right. Besides, James and Lily are getting a place together.”

You did not understand why you weren’t over the moon. It was what you always wanted from him – a tell-tale symbol of his otherwise-flaky commitment to you, a sign of your sparkling love. It was the beginning of the next chapter of your lives, and you were meant to start it together. On paper, it was perfect. There was no explanation for the sinking feeling in your stomach.

Suddenly, the words that would never come were on the tip of your tongue. The answer was clear as day. “No.”

“What?”

It was an extremely difficult task to catch Sirius Black off-guard, a feat you used to motivate your argument. “No, Sirius. I won’t move in with you.”

Shock was written all over his face. “What the hell? Why?”

“Because… you didn’t even ask me!”

Sirius stared at you blankly for a long moment before bursting into laughter. “Alright… (Y/N), will you please do me the honor of sharing an address with me? Is that it, then? Shall I get down on one knee?”

“No, Sirius. That’s not the point,” you said firmly. “The point is that you didn’t ask me. You just assumed that I would say yes – don’t interrupt. I know we’ve been together for years, but can’t you see? You make me so incredibly happy and yet, so unbelievably unhappy at the same time. You’re so good to me, and then so horrible, and then amazing again… I can hardly keep up anymore. I’m a fucking doormat and I’m sick of it! It’s humiliating. I’m tired of feeling humiliated in front of people I care about. It’s starting to become too high a price of being in love with you.”

You ended shakily, afraid to look at him. When you dared, you saw him wearing an unfamiliar expression. The silence washed over you both for an eternity. You had the horrible thought that perhaps this was it. Perhaps, you crossed a line. Maybe he hadn’t noticed how broken you both were, how broken you were, and now… well, he couldn’t unsee it now. You were over. Without a word, you headed for the door with your head down.

“Wait,” shouted Sirius hoarsely. “Don’t go. I-I’m not sure what to say to make you stay.”

“Try being honest,” you whispered weakly.

He swallowed nervously. “Okay, here goes. I know that I haven’t put enough effort into this relationship… I know that. I realize that I take you for granted and that you deserve better. I don’t blame you for thinking that. I would never have blamed you for thinking that. But here’s the truth – I am so far gone when it comes to you, you have no idea. I am so in love with you. I think about you morning, noon, and night. And the thing is, here we are, fighting for Muggles and Muggleborns and the good of the world… but above all, I am so utterly afraid of losing you. I think that’s why, actually. That’s why I keep you at arm’s length. I don’t think I mean to, but it just happens. Because I’ve never met anyone who loves me as much as you do, not even my mother. Especially not my mother. I’m torn between keeping you close and pushing you away because the truth is, you’ll always deserve better than me. And I’ve always been afraid of you realizing that.”

His truth was careful but sincere. Your hand slipped off the doorknob. Still, it was not the first time Sirius had rendered you speechless. “How do I know you mean it? That it’s more than just words to you?”

“Let me prove it to you,” he said meaningfully, grey eyes glistening.

You took slow steps toward him, and he embraced you with the hope of filling all the gaps he may have left open. “Okay,” you said, your voice muffled into his shirt. “Just… leave the closet half-empty for a little while.”

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vladdocs · 3 years

Text

Vlad the Impaler between Hungary and the Ottoman Empire

Authors: Ileana Căzan, Eugen Denize

When discussing the complex personality of Vlad the Impaler, we believe that there are two fundamental issues that need to be addressed and two questions that require an answer based on a thorough analysis of the data and facts available to us. The first question is whether or not Vlad the Impaler was a bloodthirsty tyrant, ready to kill for the simple pleasure of seeing innocent blood spilled. We believe that this question can be adequately answered by looking at how his war with the Turks began in 1462. Was Vlad Țepeș, a bloodthirsty tyrant, acting under the blind impulses of unleashed instincts and unjustifiably provoking the Turks, or was he obliged to wage war against the great Ottoman power under conditions unfavourable to him but imposed on him by the course of events?

Secondly, despite his bravery and the sacrifices he made fighting for his own people and for Christianity, Vlad the Impaler fell victim to the propaganda and misinformation that Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary, unleashed in the West to justify his inaction in 1462. That the King of Hungary resorted to less than chivalrous methods, incited and supported by the Saxons who could not forgive the Highlander for his actions against them, is easy to understand. But how does one explain the great success of these lies, which have survived through the ages and helped Bram Stocker's literary creation and fantasy to transform the hero of the anti-Ottoman struggle into a true model of the vampire, the famous Dracula? Matia Corvin's propaganda power was not enough for this, but it received unexpected and essential help from the most informed power of the time in relation to the Ottoman Empire and the general political life of Europe, from Venice, a true bridge of contact between East and West, not only in economic terms but also in terms of information. The credit given by Venice to the untruths propagated by Matthias Corvinus, even though it knew exactly the political reality of the Lower Danube, ensured their particular success, because the other Christian powers were much less informed and interested in the situation in this part of Europe and therefore had no reason to dispute what the Venetians accepted as true. All these problems, questions and possible answers will be dealt with in the pages of this chapter, as far as the available documentation allows.

As far as Vlad Țepeș is concerned, whether he took over the reign between 15 April and 3 July [1] or in July-August [2] or at the end of August 1456 [3], the fact is that he did so with the help of Iancu de Hunedoara, at a time of maximum clash between his armies and those of Mehmet II, the conqueror of Constantinople, who was also preparing to conquer Belgrade, the key to Hungary and Central Europe. By ascending the throne of Wallachia at such a time, he could only be the exponent and continuator of the anti-Ottoman political line advocated by Iancu, as is clear from the act, dated 6 September 1456, in Targoviste [4], in which he offers to help, with all his powers, Hungary against the Turks, from the letter sent to the Brașovs from the same place on 10 September [5], and from the help he would give to Stephen the Great to take over the throne of Moldavia in the spring of the following year [6]. In spite of these intentions and deeds, due to the premature death of Iancu de Hunedoara, which significantly changed the political situation in the Romanian area and not only here, Vlad Țepeș was obliged to pay his tribute regularly to the Porte [7] , until 1459, when he stopped doing so, invoking to the Sultan the conflictual situation in which he found himself with the Saxons of southern Transylvania and the Hungarian king Matia Corvin [8] . The truth is that, obliged to respect the Turkish-Hungarian co-residence established over Wallachia by the armistice concluded by Iancu de Hunedoara with the Sultan on 20 November 1451-13 April 1452 [9] , Vlad Țepeș never reconciled himself to this situation and tried to manoeuvre between the two powers with the ultimate aim of opposing one another and easing the situation of his own country [10] .

Here we believe it is appropriate to bring into question the way in which the war between Vlad Țepeș and the Turks started, whether Vlad Țepeș started this war driven by reprehensible bloody instincts or whether he was forced by circumstances to accept a war with the great power south of the Danube, a war that could only be total, in the sense that this word can have for the time, if he wanted to achieve victory and save the country from total disaster. We believe that there are three essential aspects of the moment of the real rupture between Vlad Țepeș and the Ottoman Porte, aspects that must be analysed very carefully.

Of course, Vlad the Impaler was determined, right from his accession to the throne, as we have shown above, to pursue an anti-Ottoman policy of defending autonomy and state integrity, but this policy could not be pursued under any conditions and at any risk. Vlad Țepeș, as a good politician and a remarkable military commander, realised that to start the fight against the Ottoman colossus meant waiting for the most favourable moment, when his reign would be strengthened internally, and externally he could hope for help from other countries also interested in the anti-Ottoman struggle. But let's look at the three key aspects of this problem.

First of all, there is an alleged expedition of the vizier Mahmud Pasha against the Romanian Country, which two Italian sources place in 1458 [11], but, in fact, there is a chronological error [12], which excludes the hypothesis of a clash between Vlad the Impaler and the Ottomans before the winter of 1461-1462.

Secondly, in our opinion, the cessation of the payment of the tribute of 10,000 ducats per year [13] did not signify an immediate and irreparable rupture with the Porte as is considered in a number of more or less recent works [14] . If things had been different, if Vlad Țepeș had openly broken off relations with the Porte, Sultan Mehmet II, who wanted to mark each year of his reign with a new conquest, would probably not have hesitated to attack Wallachia. But what did he do until 1462? In 1458 he conquered a large part of Moreea [15] , in 1459, the year Vlad the Impaler stopped paying tribute, Mehmet II conquered Semendria and all that remained of the Serbian state [16] , in 1460 he completed the conquest of Moreea [17] , and in 1461 he conquered Sinope and Trapezunt [18] , the last remnants of the Byzantine Empire. In our opinion, the Sultan and the rulers of the Porte did not interpret the non-payment of tribute as an act of hostility, nor did Vlad Țepeș have any interest in deliberately provoking the Turks at a time when he was in open conflict with the Saxons of southern Transylvania and the Hungarian king, Matia Corvin [19] , who supported hostile claimants to the throne and Bohemian groups. Through this conflict, which was also determined by important economic aspects [20], but dominated, above all, by political causes [21], Vlad Țepeș sought to achieve two objectives that were absolutely necessary to be able to fight successfully against the Porte: the internal consolidation of the state and the institution of the reign and the affirmation of the independent position, de facto, of the Romanian Country against the claims of suzerainty of the Hungarian royalty. Both objectives were achieved by the treaty concluded with Brașov around 1 October 1460 [22] . The 1460 reconciliation between Vlad Țepeș and the Saxons unquestionably restored to them the commercial freedom in Wallachia suppressed during the conflict [23] . The reconciliation also took place in the context of Vlad Țepeș's return to the alliance with Hungary, in the preparation of the anti-Ottoman action, which remained, all along, the dominant direction of the Romanian prince's foreign policy.

Thirdly, in our opinion, the Turks begin to show distrust and hostility towards Vlad Tepes only in 1461, during or immediately after the end of the expedition against Trapezunt and, in this situation, having no other choice, the lord decides to take open action against them in the winter of 1461 and 1462 [24] . He considered himself to be fairly strong internally, he realised that a confrontation with the Porte had become inevitable, especially after the unsuccessful attempt to capture him at Giurgiu, and he was also counting on possible external support that could come either from the eastern enemies of the Ottoman Empire or from Matthias Crovin, or from Venice, because the time for the formation of an anti-Ottoman coalition including all these seemed very near, despite the failure of the Congress of Mantua in 1459, at which Pope Pius II (1458-1464) had hoped to set up a great anti-Ottoman league, with the broad participation of the Christian powers [25] . It was decided here, among other things, that the Christian army would be led by the Duke of Milan, Francesco Sforza, and the Duke of Burgundy, Philip the Good [26], but the decision would have no effect.

The contemporary chronicler Laonic Chalcocondil states that Vlad Țepeș did not start the anti-Ottoman struggle until he felt that the situation in Dacia was secure, and this happened after the Sultan's campaign against Trapezunt in the winter of 1461 and 1462 [27] . But let us see what were the elements that led to this rupture and to the great confrontation of 1462.

In the second half of 1460, Vlad the Impaler re-established good-neighbourly ties with the Saxons of southern Transylvania, as we have shown above, and concluded a secret treaty with Matthias Crovin [28] , which provided, among other things, for his marriage to a relative of his [29] . Also in this year, a soldier of the eastern princes of Georgia, Mingrelia, Guria, Trapezunt and Uzun Hasan, the Turkoman ruler of Persia, crossed the Danube to Hungary, who were preparing to attack the Ottoman Empire and were looking for allies in Europe. They were accompanied by the monk Lodovico da Bologna [30] - the Pope's legate in Georgia - and held talks in Hungary [31] , with Emperor Frederick III [32] , in Venice, where they were received with great respect and politeness [33] , then in Florence, Rome and with Philip the Good, Duke of Burgundy, considered as the possible leader of the European anti-Ottoman coalition [34] . But the result of this veritable European tour of the Eastern solons was nil. The fact is that the 1458-1461 actions of the Eastern coalition under the leadership of the Turkmen state of Uzun Hasan, which included Trapezunt, Armenia, Georgia and Sinope, led to anti-Ottoman campaigns in northern Anatolia in 1459 and 1460. This was known to Vlad the Impaler, which leads us to believe that he also held talks with the Eastern soldiers in 1460, when they were travelling on the Danube. Although there is no evidence for this, it is unlikely that the lord of Wallachia, who was preparing for war with the Turks, did not take advantage of the presence of the soldiers of the Eastern Coalition, which already existed and was acting against the Ottoman Empire, while at the same time heading for Central and Western Europe, where they hoped to build a similar anti-Ottoman coalition. In this way, Vlad the Impaler hoped to receive important aid from both East and West, and that his anti-Ottoman action, simultaneous with the other two coalitions, would be successful. Vlad Tepes also realised that dispersing the Ottoman forces on several fronts, where they could be engaged in heavy fighting, would have favoured his own action [35] . But this did not happen, as the coalition in the East was dealt a heavy blow by the sultan's conquest of the cities of Sinope and Trapezunt in 1461, and the anti-Ottoman coalition in the West was not formed until 1463, after the Turks had started the war with Venice. Vlad the Impaler's attack in the winter of 1461-1462 therefore took place without any outside support, at the very moment when the Turks were free to act militarily as they wished, which leads us to believe that he did not want the attack and therefore the outbreak of hostilities with the Ottoman Empire at the very moment when it was under no outside pressure. But as we shall see below, the lord of Wallachia had no choice, the Turks did not let him choose the moment of the attack, but, on the contrary, by their actions and intentions they provoked him just when they knew they could strike a devastating blow.

The negotiations with Matthias Corvinus and the Saxons of southern Transylvania, as well as the possible negotiations with the soldiers of the anti-Ottoman eastern coalition, naturally provoked the displeasure of the Porte, for whom continued non-payment of tribute was beginning to be considered a sign of insubordination. The vast majority of narrative sources agree that this change of attitude of the Porte towards Vlad Țepeș occurred in 1461, either during the campaign against Trapezunt or immediately afterwards [36] and do not suggest any previous disagreements regarding the non-payment of tribute. On learning of the agreement between Vlad Țepeș and Matia Corvin [37] , the sultan sent, for a start, a message to Wallachia in order to ask the prince to abandon the alliance with Hungary and the planned marriage [38] , but the expected results were not obtained. Vlad Țepeș accepted to pay the haraci, but refused to give children for the janissaries, a blood tribute that his country had never given [39] and refused to appear in person at the Porte [40] .

This time, the reasons given, among which the threat from Hungary was the most important, could no longer be believed by the Sultan [41], who decided to replace Vlad Țepeș from his reign. Mehmet II, however, sought to avoid a major campaign against Wallachia, whose chances of success were doubtful, and therefore tried to capture Vlad Țepeș by deception, but the trap set for the prince by Hamza bei and the Greek Catabolinos, near Giurgiu, ended in disaster, the two being captured and impaled [42] . Now appear in the Turkish chronicles the most serious accusations against Vlad Țepeș, accusations that justify the action and failure of Giurgiu, but also the sultanal campaign of 1462 [43] .

However, after the execution of the two Ottoman rulers, things had become very clear for Vlad Țepeș. There was no way back and the only plausible option, with some chance of success, remained war, a war that had to be fought with all determination and harshness, given the huge disproportion of forces in favour of the Turks.

In the political context created by the Congress of Mantua (26 September 1459-14 January 1460) [44] , by the coalition of states on the eastern borders of the Ottoman Empire [45] and by the Moreea uprising [46] , by the Venetian preparations for a decisive conflict with the Porte for predominance in the eastern Mediterranean [47] , the war waged by Vlad the Impaler in the winter of 1461-62 against the Ottoman Empire was undoubtedly the first major military action in Europe that preceded the great Turkish-Venetian war of 1463. Unfortunately for the lord of Wallachia, his action came at a time of calm on all the anti-Ottoman fronts, with the coalition of Eastern states in a period of ebb and the Western, Christian coalition not yet formed. In fact, the latter coalition was never formed and was only replaced by a system of alliances that revolved around Venice, but this from 1463 onwards. So, as we have already pointed out, Vlad the Impaler found himself alone against the Ottoman Empire, not because he wanted it out of an uncontrolled warlike impulse, but because he was forced, we repeat, by circumstances.

Vlad the Impaler was fully aware of this fact and that is why, in his famous letter of 11 February 1462 to the King of Hungary, Matthias Corvinus, after detailing the results of his expedition south of the Danube that winter, he emphasises his adherence to and identification with the Crusader ideal and consequently asks for the absolutely essential help he needed to face the huge Sultan expedition that was preparing against him. But let the Lord of Wallachia himself speak: "For we do not want to leave what we have started on the road, but to see it through to the end. For if the Almighty God will hear the prayers and desires of Christians and incline His ear with kindness to the prayers of His poor, and thus give us victory against the heathen, enemies of the cross of Christ, it will be the greatest honor and use and help of soul to thy great and holy crown and to all true Christendom.... And if, God forbid, we should come to an evil end and our country should perish, neither will your highness have any use or help in this matter, for it will be to the detriment of all Christendom" [48] .

It must be pointed out, however, that Vlad the Impaler, as a skilful politician and military commander, like Stephen the Great a little later, understood to fight against the Turks as a modern monarch, which in fact he was, a monarch who had the interests of his state at heart and not as a medieval crusader who threw himself headlong against the infidels. His adherence to the crusading ideal at this time can only be explained by a desire to gain support from other Christian powers, but he was aware that they too were far removed from the medieval crusading ideal and were fighting, if they decided to do so, only for their own interests. This explains the quite clear threat to the Hungary of Matthias Corvinus, who, in the event of the collapse of the Romanian Country or the installation on its throne of a prince allied to the Porte, would have found himself alone, face to face with the Ottoman Empire.

In launching his anti-Ottoman action in the winter of 1461 and 1462, because he had no other choice but to strike first and with all his might, Vlad the Impaler therefore counted on possible help from his ally, Matthias Corvinus, or even Pope Pius II [49] and on the fact that the main Ottoman forces were still dispersed in several directions (Sinope, Trapezunt, Moreea, etc.) [50] . Unfortunately, as we have already pointed out, his action was at odds both with that of the Turks' Asian enemies, defeated in 1461, when Sinope and Trapezunt were occupied by Mehmet II, and with that of Venice, which would not enter the fray until 1463, after the Turks had attacked first and taken Argos by surprise. As for the King of Hungary, despite the alliance he had with the voivode of Wallachia, his requests for help in his letter of 11 February 1462, the subsidies he had received from the papacy and the promise he had made to go in person against the Turks [51] , he had no intention whatsoever of confronting them [52] , for two main reasons: on the one hand he was still caught up in the conflict with Emperor Frederick III [53] , and on the other hand, from the beginning of his reign he was determined to direct his main efforts towards Central Europe and not against the Ottoman Empire [54] . The only concrete measure taken by Matthias Corvinus was to strengthen only the defence of Transylvania [55] .

In fact, the King of Hungary, from presumed ally, became Vlad the Impaler's enemy, whom he arrested on November 26, 1462, at a time when no one expected such a thing, tried to take credit for the summer victory against the Sultan and, in order to justify his action before Europe, which expected great feats of bravery from him in the anti-Ottoman struggle, he launched a veritable propaganda campaign to slander the brave prince of Wallachia, accused of treason, of collusion with the Turks and of abominable cruelties [56] . All this served, we repeat, as a pretext and justification before the Pope, Venice and the whole of Christian Europe for his own renunciation of the anti-Ottoman campaign he had promised to undertake.

So, if we were to formulate a few conclusions up to this point we have reached with our analysis, they might be as follows: Vlad Țepeș was forced to attack the Ottoman Empire in the winter of 1461 and 1462 due to the manifest hostility of the Sultan, who refused to accept on the throne of Wallachia a lord considered rebellious, the cessation of the payment of tribute in 1459 not having, in our opinion, the significance of an open break with the Porte. The voivode of Wallachia did not receive any concrete help from anyone, because the enemies of the Porte and his potential allies had either been defeated or had not yet entered the battle [57], his main ally, Matthias Corvinus not only did not help him but, probably reaching an agreement with the Porte regarding Wallachia in order to have peace on its southern borders, arrested him and threw him in prison where he stayed for almost 13 years. Because of this, the great victory achieved by Vlad Țepeș in 1462, when the Sultan was forced to retreat south of the Danube without having achieved any of his original objectives, could not be exploited in any way by the European powers, especially Venice, which in a year's time would go to war with the Turks, a decisive war for the balance of power in the Eastern Mediterranean. It should also be borne in mind that the expulsion of Vlad Țepeș from his reign, just after his victory, can also be explained by the attitude of part of the nobility, of the political class, which was willing to fight only in moments of great hardship that threatened its own existence. When these times passed, it preferred to reach compromise solutions with the great power south of the Danube [58] . This was also the case with the accession of Radu the Handsome. Nevertheless, Vlad Țepeș's victory over the Sultan was of particular importance, as it managed to save the existence of the Romanian state and made it possible to reach a compromise with the Porte, which would have been impossible in the event of defeat. Basically, Vlad Țepeș saved his country from being turned into a pashas.

However, it is also interesting to note how Venice, the main Christian power in the Mediterranean at that time interested in the anti-Ottoman struggle, followed the events of the Lower Danube [59], how it knowingly became the mouthpiece of Matthias Corvinus, even though it was well aware of the political reality in the area. In 1459, in the year of Vlad Țepeș's supposed open break with the Porte through non-payment of tribute, Venice was not very interested in the events in this area, which, moreover, did not herald anything special. This may be one of the explanations for the permanent obstacles to Pius II's crusading plans, as set out at the Congress of Mantua. Thus, in exchange for her participation in a possible anti-Ottoman coalition, Venice demanded 8,000 men to equip her fleet, payment of all expenses incurred for war preparations, and the organisation of an army of 50,000 horsemen and 20,000 foot soldiers to go to the borders of Hungary [60] , conditions impossible to achieve. Moreover, after the peace concluded on 23 April 1454 [61] by Bartolomeo Marcello with the Sultan, the Republic of the Lagoons did its utmost to preserve the status quo in relations with the Turks, to reduce any of their sensitivities, to avoid at all costs the outbreak of a new war with the Ottoman Empire. Such a war was regarded as inevitable, sooner or later, by Venice, which had begun to realise that the Turks were gradually becoming a formidable maritime power,[62] but it should not be started before the Republic was fully prepared. Of course, the Republic was never fully ready, so after a nine-year peace, the war would be triggered, somewhat surprisingly for the Venetians, by the Turks.

Until then, however, the Venetians sought to spare the Sultan as much as possible and at the same time avoid papal invitations to join the preparations for an anti-Ottoman crusade. Thus, on 2 December 1456, in the instructions that the Senate sent to Lorenzo Vitturi, the Bailiff of Constantinople, he was asked to tell the Sultan that he had no reason to fear Venice [63] , and on 3 September 1459, in the instructions given to the new Bailiff Domenico Balbi, he was asked to resolve the conflicts and commercial disputes that had arisen in the meantime with great diplomacy, without reaching a rupture [64] .

On the other hand, the instructions that the Senate gave on 21 June 1458 to Niccolň Sagondino, envoy to Pope Calixtus III (1455-1458), are particularly significant. He was to show the Holy Father that the accusations levelled in Rome against Venice were intolerable, since Venice had always done its duty to Christianity. In this regard, Sagondino was to insist on the victory of Gallipoli in 1416, where a Turkish fleet was completely crushed, he was to show that in 1423 Salonium was occupied and held for seven years with great effort by the Venetians, that in 1444-1445 Venice armed galleys that fought all winter, while Pope Eugenius IV did not pay what he had promised. And all this while the other Christian powers did not respond to Venice's requests for help. Rather than listen to its accusers, the pope should consider the fact that the Turks are closely surrounding the Venetian possessions and that Venice's situation is therefore totally different from that of the other Christian states. For this reason, Venice cannot think of attacking the Turks in the given circumstances, because it would be premature, but it defends the island of Negroponte and maintains 12 galleys in the Aegean Sea to guard the Straits, and no Christian state can boast of comparable efforts [65] . It must be admitted that these instructions, intended to reach the ears of the pope, faithfully respected both the historical truth and the present situation, ruthlessly debunking all the accusations that could be levelled at Venice at that time. Due to the death of Calixtus III, a letter, almost identical, was also sent to the new Pope Pius II, on 30 October 1458[66] .

About a year later, on 11 October 1459, the Venetian Senate gave a very interesting reply to the delegates of Pope Pius II, who insisted that Venice participate in the preparations for the crusade. It was thus pointed out that the battle plans proposed by the pope were grandiose, but it was doubtful that the Italian states would find the necessary resources to maintain a sufficient army capable of defeating the Turks, who were very powerful [67] . The adversary should not be underestimated, especially now that Mehmet II is much more powerful than Murad II because he rules Constantinople. It is recalled that Murad defeated at Varna and the Christian powers hardly fought back, and that a long war is now to be foreseen, which will need financing without hesitation. Thus, thorough preparations must first be made and then war can be launched. As far as it was concerned, Venice was making such preparations [68] , but wondered what the other Christian powers were doing [69] . On 10 November 1459, about a month later, the Senate addressed a new letter to the Pope. In it the Venetians were more than surprised at the extent of the preparations for the crusade. They asked the pope how he could believe that the 240,000 ducats needed to arm 50 galleys could be raised quickly, and pointed out that it would be preferable to draw up plans for a crusade that were really feasible and not mere utopias [70] .

From all that has been said so far it is clear that in the years following 1454 the Venetians pursued a policy of obvious undermining of the Ottoman Empire and rejection of the Crusade, but we cannot but agree that, to a large extent, the arguments they used were fair and hard to refute. Everyone was aware, despite the pope's efforts, of the disappearance of the crusading ideal and the ideal of the unity of the Christian world, and no one could accuse the Venetians, with real grounds, of not wanting to fight the Turks. It would have meant asking them to commit a real act of suicide, which neither they nor the other Christian states were willing to do.

It seems that it was not until 1460, when the Turks attacked Moreea again and reached the borders of the Venetian possessions here, that Seria really began to worry about the intentions of the Ottoman Empire towards it[71] . So in 1461, the year in which we consider that the rupture between Vlad Țepeș and the Turks really took place, the situation of Venice was completely different, which explains its increased interest in the events of the Lower Danube.

In April 1460, after having noticed suspicious preparations by the Turks, the Senate ordered the captain of the Gulf, Antonio Loredan, to leave with the greatest haste for Negroponte [72] . On 20 May, the military preparations of the Turks became so worrying that Venice was forced to take several preventive measures: it requested the preparation of 300 crossbowmen in Crete, so that they could be sent to Negroponte if necessary, it decided to send supplies of wheat to Modon and Negroponte, and to arm three new galleys [73] . On the same day, the new captain of the Gulf, Giacomo Barbarigo, was ordered to leave immediately for Negroponte and to make short calls at Corfu, Modon and Nauplia [74] . On 16 June, instructions to Lorenzo Moro, who had replaced Barbarigo as captain of the Gulf, required him to first of all put Coron, Modon and Nafplio in a state of defence, and if he found out that the Sultan was heading for Albania or Negroponte to take the necessary measures [75] . Finally, on 1 August, the information received by Lorenzo Moro and the castellan of Modon and Coron proved very clearly that the Sultan intended to establish his authority over the whole of Morea and that he was the enemy of Venice. The Turks had reached the borders of the Venetian territories in the Peloponnese and, in order to better probe the Sultan's intentions, the Senate decided on 9 August to send an extraordinary ambassador to the Porte in the person of Niccolň da Canale [76] .

In 1461 the tension generated by the Ottoman military preparations persisted in Venice. On 28 April, the Senate sent its instructions to Vittore Capello, supreme commander of the Venetian fleet (Captain of the Sea), asking him to visit all Venetian ports in Romania, to watch the movements of the Ottoman fleet, but with great discretion, and not to attack Turkish ships leaving the Dardanelles. Such actions would be dangerous at a time when Venice was holding talks with the Sultan [77] . On 21 July the same Vittore Capello was asked to disarm part of the fleet, the Ottoman danger being less pressing after the Sultan left for the Black Sea [78] . But Venetian fears were far from being allayed. In the autumn, on 18 October, the Senate came to the conclusion that, owing to the general circumstances and the dangers threatening the territories of Romania, it was more than ever essential that men of merit should be elected as governors, and that they should be given all the necessary advantages [79] . Only two days later, on 20 October, although it had learned that the Turkish fleet had disarmed, Venice could not be reassured about the Sultan's intentions, and so Capello was asked to keep watch, with the galleys that remained at his disposal, over the waters of the Aegean archipelago [80] . On 9 December, the Senate also decided that the fortifications of Negroponte should be strengthened, that arms should be sent to them and that a detailed defence plan should be drawn up [81]. At the end of the same year, Venice also alerted the King of Hungary, Matthias Corvinus, to the imminence of war with the Turks [82] and also tried to bring about a reconciliation between him and Emperor Frederick III [83], but without success.

However, on 4 March 1462, the Venetian envoy to Buda, Pietro Tomasso (Petrus de Thomassis), announced to the Senate that he had been summoned by the king, who gave him to read some letters he had received from one of his soldiers to Vlad the Impaler, informing him of the damage he had caused to the Turks, of the multitude of those killed whom he had seen "according to the number of heads depicted, apart from those who were burned in those places". From this letter, which in fact refers to the one sent by Vlad Țepeș on 11 February, it appears that Matia Corvin used the results of the victorious expedition of the prince of Wallachia - whom he considered his vassal - in order to obtain funds from Italy, the Venetian envoy asking for "denarij per sovvene" [84] . It is also noted that the echo of Vlad Țepeș's deeds of bravery was quickly received in Venice, which, almost immediately, on 20 March, made them known in Rome [85] .

Having reached this point in our investigation, we feel that we must highlight a particularly important aspect that we will find again in Venice's attitude towards Vlad Țepeș until the end. Namely, it is the fact that, although it knew very well who was the author of the victory against the Turks in the winter of 1461-1462, i.e. Vlad Țepeș [86] , Senioria accepted all the propaganda of Matia Corvin and acted to help him and not the brave prince of the Romanian Country. Thus, on 20 March 1462, the Venetian Senate wrote to the Pope, as we have shown above, explaining the critical situation of Hungary and not of the Romanian Country, as if Hungary had entered into battle with the Turks and not the Romanian Country. Moreover, the Senate proposed to the Pope to send monthly the 10-12,000 florins to Hungary for the maintenance of 400 horsemen. This project was also presented to Matthias Corvinus on 29 March [87] . Pope Pius II knew as well as the Venetians who was the real winner over the Turks. This was because he had been informed by the Venetians themselves, but also from a letter of the Cardinal of Mantua, dated April 1462, who informed him of the following: ,,Adi 29 di Marzo venne nuova come li Valacchi chi hevevano dato una rotta al Turco nelle paesi della Va(la)cchia, e morti di loro piu di vintimilla soldati..." [88] . But for the pope, as for the Venetians, the Catholic king of Hungary had to be the hero of the anti-Ottoman struggle, and therefore he had to be helped.

Venice, although it probably wished to do so, avoided entering into direct contact with Vlad Țepeș, thus seeking to play down the sensitivities of Matthias Corvinus [89] , who claimed to be his suzerain and thought himself entitled to deal on behalf of the man he considered his vassal. Therefore, all Venetian information comes from the Hungarian court, some from Constantinople as well, but it proves that the events of the Lower Danube were followed with great attention in the "fortress of the lagoons", the political factors here seeking to find out their true significance and extent.

A second letter, known to us, sent by Pietro Tomasso to Venice, is dated 27 May 1462. In it, the ambassador describes to his superiors the situation on the Lower Danube as it was on the eve of the outbreak of the great Sultan campaign. First of all, he talks about Mehmet II's huge army, which, according to some rumours, he considers to number 200 000 men, including 20 000 janissaries, and points out that there could be three areas of attack: Wallachia, Transylvania and Belgrade, the first two being the most likely. Then a river fleet of 300 ships is mentioned, which the Sultan introduced on the Danube to help him cross the river. This is followed by information about Vlad the Impaler, who is said to have sent all his women and children to the mountains while he and his army guarded the Danube. It is also said that everyone at the court in Buda was surprised that Vlad Țepeș had not sent for help, and that the king was determined to go and fight the Turks [90] . At the end of the letter the ambassador makes some considerations about the future course of events as he envisaged them, some of which will be refuted, but others confirmed. Thus, he believes that either Vlad Țepeș will be easily defeated by the huge Ottoman army, which will not happen, after which the Hungarian kingdom will be defeated just as easily, which again will not happen precisely because Vlad Țepeș will not let himself be crushed, or King Matthias will reach a shameful agreement for the whole of Christendom [91] , which will indeed happen, despite the splendid victory of the Romanian lord [92] . From this letter it can be seen that the Venetian ambassador in Buda had become quite familiar with Hungary's military capability and her king's "desire" to confront the Ottoman Empire. At the same time, he did not doubt that Vlad the Impaler was determined to make every sacrifice to defend his country but, not knowing the military situation of the Romanian Country, he believed that a possible success would have been impossible in the face of the Ottoman onslaught.

More than two weeks later, on 14 June, the same Pietro Tomasso wrote again to the Doge, showing him that the Turks led by a Pasha, probably Mahmud Pasha, had crossed the Danube with 60 000 men, including 25 000 janissaries. In fact, this is the closest figure to the truth for the entire Ottoman army led by Mehmet II himself [93]. The Venetian ambassador went on to say that the prince of Transylvania was preparing for battle, and that Matthias Corvinus had told him that the Sultan was in camp and would probably attack Belgrade. He also indicated that the king had ordered the general assembly of the army at Seghedin, from where it could move either to Belgrade or to Transylvania and Wallachia, depending on Mehmet II's intentions. It can be seen that with this news Matthias Corvinus was trying to create confusion in Venice and probably in Rome about the Sultan's intentions. He spoke of the possibility of attacking Belgrade at a time when it was very clear that the Sultan intended to attack with all the forces at his disposal, precisely because he did not intend to support Vlad Tepes and openly confront the Ottomans. At the same time, however, he asked Venice to call on the Pope and other Christian princes to send him aid, showing that his treasury was empty. The ambassador said that Vlad Țepeș, unable to stop the Turks at the Danube, had retreated to the mountains and predicted his complete defeat, feared by the court of Buda, which could have led to the loss of Transylvania [94] .

Some of this information, however, was contradicted by other information from different sources. Thus, regarding the fact that Vlad Țepeș had not asked for help from the King of Hungary, information transmitted by Tomasso on 27 May [95] , another letter, that of Ladislau de Vesen, also addressed to the Doge, indicated that the lord of the Romanian Country "... every day asks to be helped, because he will not be able to support such a strong attack alone" [96] . Even Pietro Tomasso, in his letter of 15 June, indicated that the Sultan had already entered Wallachia, but, under the influence of the court of Buda, he maintained his opinion that from here he could move against Belgrade and continued to express doubts about Vlad Țepeș's ability to resist [97] . Of course, all this information, although some of it was contradictory and could leave room for justified suspicions, turned Venice's attention primarily on Matthias Corvinus and less on Vlad Tepes, with whom it avoided, as we have already shown, to enter into direct links.

But the reality was different, and the one who knew it best was the King of Hungary himself. Thus, after having tried to demonstrate to Venice that Vlad Țepeș was incapable of resisting the Turks and after having received subsidies from the latter for the anti-Ottoman struggle, [98] Matthias Corvinus tried to make the most of the splendid victory of the Romanian prince, to which he had contributed nothing. Immediately after learning of the victory and the Sultan's retreat, he sent a message to Venice announcing the crushing of the Sultan by "Hungarians and Romanians", the echo of which was recorded by the Milanese ambassador in the lagoon city, A. Guidobonus, on 30 July 1462 [99] .

But in spite of these attempts, which in today's terms we might call intoxication and misinformation, Venice, whose diplomacy was very skilful in such matters, could not be misled. It gathered its information not only from Buda, but also from elsewhere, and was thus able to form a picture very close to the real course of events in the Lower Danube. Particularly significant in this respect is the letter of the Constantinopolitan bailiff Domenico Balbi, who, on 28 July 1462, gave an almost complete and truthful picture of Mehmet II's campaign in Wallachia. He showed that, once north of the Danube, the Sultan found the country empty of men and provisions, all retreating to fortified places in the mountains. He then tells of the harassing war waged by Vlad Țepeș, of the night attack against the Sultan's camp, of the great losses suffered by the Turks, which finally forced them to retreat, Mehmet II being already at Adrianopol on 11 July. It is also mentioned that the Sultan left his brother, none other than Radu the Handsome, with some Ottoman troops near Wallachia, to try to overthrow the prince with the help of possible internal complicity: ,,... lasso al fradello de Dracuglia cum alcume bandieri dei Turchii per tentar li animi de Valachi de quanto volesserro lassar al Dracuglia convenir de quest altro" [100] thus, an accurate picture of the 1462 campaign and Vlad the Impaler's victory, but not a word about the so often mentioned help of Matthias Corvinus, which of course made the Senate, the Doge and the other ruling factors of the Republic realize also the real position of the Hungarian king.

True information about what happened in Wallachia in 1462 reached Venice through other channels, probably letters from its representatives in the Balkans and the Aegean islands, echoed in several chronicles of the time, which also reveal the opinion of Venetian public opinion, i.e. the informed circles of the Republic, about the events of that year at the Lower Danube. Thus, an anonymous Italian chronicle, also circulating in Venice, which goes on to narrate events up to 1481, records, under the year 1462, that '... the Turks who had gone against Dracula in Wallachia were beaten and chased away" [101] , the chronicle of Domenico Malipiero also states that the lord of the Romagna region met the Turks with a strong army and defeated them with mighty will [102] , and the Venetian Annals (1433-1477) of Stefano Magno wrote that in 1462 Mehmet II, "emperor of the Turks and Greeks", sent ,,... a strong army into Wallachia; but the Wallachians rising against it were defeated..." [103] . We note, therefore, that in all these sources, which refer to the great confrontation that took place in Wallachia in 1462, there is no mention of any contribution by Matthias Corvinus, whose claims, brought to the knowledge of the Republic by the July solia, are appreciated at their fair value, i.e. at their rhetorical-propagandistic value, without any real support.

The suspicions that Venice had about the intentions of Matthias Corvinus also result from the fact that when he left Buda on his so-called campaign to help Vlad the Impaler, arriving only at the beginning of November 1462 in Brasov, he was accompanied by the Venetian ambassador Pietro Tomasso. His mission was to inform the Senate about the evolution of the conflict and other important events [104] . Unfortunately, the only information that the ambassador sent and of which we are aware was that of 26 November, concerning the arrest of Vlad Țepeș, after some time the leadership of the Republic confirmed the receipt of this letter, as well as that of the King of Hungary about the "case" Vlad Țepeș [105] .

We suspect that the Venetian authorities, usually very well informed about events, especially if they were of direct interest to them, had found out by the end of the year the truth about the relations between Matthias Corvinus, Vlad the Impaler and the Turks, because as early as 9 November it was known in Vienna that the King of Hungary had concluded a secret treaty with the Sultan [106] . As relations between Frederick III and Matthias Corvinus were tense, we do not see what obstacle could have prevented Venetian diplomacy from finding out everything that might interest it about this treaty. But, although it knew the truth, Venice continued to undermine Matthias Corvinus in the hope that he would eventually decide to attack the Turks. This was at a time when Venetian-Ottoman relations were becoming increasingly tense, with Venice's preparations for war intensifying especially after the appointment of a new Captain General of the Sea (supreme commander of the Venetian fleet) in December 1462, an appointment that did not become effective until 31 January the following year, with the election of Alvise Loredan to the post [107] .

Thus, on 15 January 1463, the Venetian Senate confirmed to the Hungarian King the receipt of letters informing him of "... the enmity case of the former Montenegrin lord, who tried to commit such a great crime against Your Majesty and the kingdom" [108] . Matthias was also praised for having taken some timely defensive measures [109] . This was, however, we repeat, a diplomatic language that Venice used against Hungary only because it needed to ally itself with it at a time when a major confrontation with the Ottoman Empire seemed unavoidable and Vlad Tepes had lost his reign. In fact, despite the letters and 'proofs' of treason sent by Matthias Corvinus, the Venetian Senate could not be convinced of Vlad the Impaler's guilt.

Five months after his arrest, on 18 April 1463, it asked the new ambassador in Buda, Giovanni Aymo, to discover the truth about Vlad Țepeș, to find out about the relations between the King of Hungary and the new ruler of the Romanian Country and to find out whether a peace had been or could be made between Hungary and the Ottoman Empire, in which case it had to do everything possible to prevent it [110] . Two important things emerge from these instructions: on the one hand, Venice's distrust of the political and military intentions of Matthias Corvinus, and on the other, its imperative need to establish an alliance with Hungary in the face of the growing Ottoman threat. The information she possessed about the secret treaty between Matthias Corvinus and the Sultan, probably obtained through Vienna but also through her diplomatic agents in the Balkans, she wanted to have confirmed or refuted by investigations on the spot and, if possible, to turn the situation in her favour. For this reason she was willing to accept the explanations and arguments of the Hungarian king, the veracity of which she doubted, but she did not derive much benefit from the hoped-for alliance with him, since Matthias had his sights set on Central Europe, preferring to maintain a situation of military balance and territorial-political status quo on the borders with the Ottoman Empire [111] . On the Lower Danube, the main de facto allies of Venice in the long war with the Ottoman Porte between 1463 and 1479 were the Romanians and not the King of Hungary. The Romanians led by Vlad Tepes defeated the Sultan in 1462, they too, but led by Stephen the Great, would achieve the brilliant victory of Vaslui in January 1475, a victory which for a time eliminated Ottoman pressure on the Venetian possessions on the Balkan coast of the Adriatic, and in 1476 a new Sultan expedition would crush their fierce resistance. In this period, as in others of the Middle Ages, the main factor of resistance to Ottoman pressure on Central Europe was the Romanian countries and much less the feudal Hungarian kingdom. It is true that the Hungarian royalty tried to take credit for all the major victories achieved against the Turks on the Lower Danube, but this could not hide the undeniable truth of the facts. For the ruling politicians in Vienna, Venice, Rome and others, Matthias Corvinus' behaviour in 1462 was very clear, his treachery was obvious, but the hopes, unrealised, moreover, that he would change his attitude and fight the Turks led them, like the Venetians, to give him credit, undeservedly, for it.

How, however, can this attitude be explained? We believe that two factors played a primary role, both for Venice and for the papacy. The first is Hungary's status as a great power, recognised throughout Europe. So, in comparison with the Romanian countries, which had a much lower political and military potential, Hungary was preferable, from which they expected not only a defensive confrontation policy towards the Turks, but also important offensive actions against them. For this reason the papacy intervened energetically to conclude a peace treaty between Matthias Corvinus and Frederick III [112] , after which it played an essential role in the conclusion of a treaty of alliance between Venice and Matthias Corvinus, a treaty concluded on 12 September 1463 [113] . But it seems that this alliance with Hungary was already too late. By that time Hungarian foreign policy had already changed direction and Hungary was no longer aggressive towards the Turks [114] . After Matthias Corvinus had secured his hold on the Jajce region of Bosnia and after the failure of the papal crusade project in 1464, he abandoned the anti-Ottoman struggle for a long time and, at the urging of Pope Paul II (1464-1471), turned his forces against George Podiebrad (1458-1471), king of Bohemia, his former ally and father-in-law, but who had meanwhile become a heretic and enemy [115] . The situation could not be prevented or changed by the agreement signed on 19 October 1463 between Pope Pius II, Venice and Philip the Good, Duke of Burgundy [116], which provided for an anti-Ottoman alliance for three years.

Secondly, it is the fact that Matthias Corvinus was the Catholic king of a Catholic state, Hungary. For the Pope it was essential that the anti-Ottoman crusade be led by Catholics and that it be carried out with the participation, first and foremost and on a large scale, of Catholic forces, Catholic states. For this reason, one of the constants of papal anti-Ottoman crusade policy was to seek participants within Catholic Europe. Once they had offered their services or refused to take part in the crusade, papal diplomacy turned its attention to the Orthodox world and even to the Asian world, from where formidable enemies of the Ottoman Porte could emerge. This is why Venice, which desperately needed the help of the papacy, did not dare to bypass the Catholic Matthias Corvinus and enter into direct contact with Vlad Tepes. For Pope Pius II, all the victories of Vlad the Impaler were, in fact, victories of this Catholic king of Hungary. Nor could the pope have conceived of an anti-Ottoman crusade being started by an Orthodox prince, and of his placing himself at its head. That is why there was not even the question of helping, even symbolically, the brave prince of the Romanian Country. All eyes were on Matthias Corvinus, the only leader capable, in the Pope's view, of leading the anti-Ottoman forces. Significant in this respect is the firm rejection by Pius II in 1462 of a project for an anti-Ottoman crusade, which had been initiated by the Bohemian king George Podiebrad, suspected of heresy. The latter, through a Frenchman from Dauphiné, Antonio Marini, who had arrived in unclear surroundings at his court, proposed an anti-Ottoman alliance to Venice, Burgundy and France. But Podiebrad wanted to bypass the pope, to leave him out of the alliance, which, as Venice pointed out to him, was an impossibility [117] . And indeed, absolutely nothing came of this project.

We believe that these are the two main reasons why the Italian powers, in particular Venice and the papacy, avoided engaging in direct relations with Vlad Țepeș, leaving him to the good pleasure of Matia Corvinus, who threw him into prison for more than 13 years without anyone holding him to account.

Things would become very clear towards the end of Matthias Corvinus' reign, however, when he repeated his behaviour, in a similar situation, towards Stephen the Great, Lord of Moldavia. Although he had an alliance with the latter, which provided for mutual aid in the event of Ottoman attacks, Matthias Corvinus did not hesitate to conclude a treaty with the new sultan, Baiazid II (1481-1512), in 1483. Thus, while the Turks attacked and captured by surprise the two key cities of southern Moldavia, Chilia and the White Fortress, he launched a major campaign against Frederick III in the summer of 1484, which resulted in the occupation of Vienna the following year, where he remained until his surprising death in 1490 [118] . The "champion of Christianity", the "defender of Europe" thus ended his days in "glory" in Vienna, having conquered, in hard and bloody battles, almost all the hereditary possessions of the Habsburgs, and not in the anti-Ottoman struggle as he had promised throughout his reign.

In fact, in our view, Hungary was not and could not be that "wall of defence" of Europe against the increasingly insistent Ottoman assaults, for two main reasons. The first, less important, is that Matthias Corvinus, its last great king, deliberately turned his efforts to a policy of expansion in Central Europe, the exact opposite of what his father, the great Iancu of Hunedoara, had done, a policy which necessarily involved the maintenance of the Ottoman Porte. The second and most important reason is that the overall development of Hungarian society in the 15th century and at the beginning of the following century led to an intensification of feudal anarchy, through the increase in the power of the great magnates and a corresponding weakening of state structures and the strength of the state, which explains why a single battle (Mohács, 1526) was enough for this state to disappear from the political map of Europe. The same was not true of the Romanian countries, which have experienced uninterrupted state continuity and have recorded in history numerous glorious feats of anti-totalitarian struggle.

At the end of these brief considerations, we believe that a few conclusions are in order regarding Vlad Țepeș in the context of the anti-Ottoman struggle. First of all, it is noted that there was no direct link between him and Venice, this being impossible due to the claims of suzerainty manifested by Matthias Corvinus towards Wallachia, theoretical claims, but which Venice, for the reasons indicated above, did not want to contest. Secondly, we can say that Venice, in spite of Matia Corvin's disinformation action, knew, even with very significant details, the heroic struggle of Vlad Țepeș, as well as the less than chivalrous behaviour of the Hungarian king, in contradiction with the medieval obligations of a suzerain towards his vassal, as Matia Corvin claimed to be towards Vlad Țepeș. But, thirdly, Venice preferred to turn a blind eye to the evidence, hoping to obtain the effective collaboration of Matthias Corvinus in the anti-Ottoman struggle. The result was that it passively witnessed the downfall of a sure ally, Vlad the Impaler, and in return obtained only a very inadequate amount of help from Hungary, which at the time did not have, even if it wanted to, the capacity to wage a major offensive war against the Ottoman Empire.

Vlad the Impaler tried to break out of the system of Hungarian-Ottoman co-occupation established over the Romanian Country in 1451-1452, but without adequate external support he was unable to do so. His action showed that this system could not be removed, that, overcoming mutual hostility, the two great powers intended to keep it in place, which would happen until the disappearance of Hungary in 1526. At the same time, however, his action also brought to light a particularly important fact, namely that the balance of power in this system was increasingly tilted in favour of the Ottoman Empire. This also explains Stephen the Great's repeated failures to bring Wallachia into his sphere of influence and to oppose the Turks, the victim of which was Vlad the Great himself in 1476. However, his struggle was not in vain. It showed the Turks that Wallachia could be defeated but not destroyed. ___________ Sources: [1] Ioan Bogdan, Vlad Țepeș and the German and Russian narrations about him, Bucharest, 1896, p. 11; Ștefan Andreescu, Vlad Țepeș (Dracula) between legend and historical truth, Bucharest, 1976, p. 59; Manole Neagoe, Vlad Țepeș, heroic figure of the Romanian people, Bucharest, 1977, pp. 21-22. [2] Nicolae Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, Bucharest, 1976, pp. 33-37; Radu Ștefan Ciobanu, Pe urmele lui Vlad Țepeș, Bucharest, 1979, p. 95. [3] History of Romania, vol. II, Bucharest, 1962, pp. 465-466. [4] Hurmuzaki, Documents concerning the history of Romanians, vol. XV, 1, Bucharest, 1911, p. 45, doc. LXXIX. [5] Ibidem, pp. 45-46, doc. LXXX. [6] Olgierd Górka, Cronica epocei lui Ștefan cel Mare, 1457-1499, Bucharest, 1937, p. 110; see also Ion Const. Chițimia, Cronica di Ștefan cel Mare (Schedel's German version), Bucharest, 1942; Slav-Romance chronicles of the 16th century, Bucharest, 1942. XV-XVI published by Ioan Bogdan, revised and completed edition by P. P. Panaitescu, Bucharest, 1959, pp. 28, 49, 61 and 178; Grigore Ureche, Letopisețul Țării Moldovei, edition P. P. Panaitescu, 2nd edition, Bucharest, 1958, p. 90. [7] See in this regard the statements of Critobul of Imbros, From the reign of Mohammed II. Anii 1451-1467, edited by Vasile Grecu, Bucharest, 1962, p. 290; Laonic Chalcocondil, Expuneri istorice, edited by Vasile Grecu, Bucharest, 1958, p. 283; Tursun-bei, ,,Tarih-i Ebu-l Fath-i Sultan Mehmed han" (History of Sultan Mehmed-han, the conquering father), in Cronici turcești privind țările române. Extracts, vol. I, Sec. XV-mid sec. XVII, ed. Mihail Guboglu and Mustafa Ali Mehmet, Bucharest, 1966, pp. 67-68; Șemseddin Ahmed bin Suleiman Kemal-pașa-zade, ,,Tevarih-i al-i Osman" (Histories of the Ottoman Dynasty) in ibidem, p. 198; Constantin Mihailovici de Ostrovița's account in Foreign Travellers about Romanian Countries, vol. I, Bucharest, 1968, p. 126. [8] The hostile attitude of Matthias Corvinus towards Vlad Țepeș is confirmed by the order he issued from Buda on 10 April 1459, forbidding the Brașovs to sell arms in Wallachia (Hurmuzaki, Documents, XV, p. 52, doc. XC). [9] See Chapter I of this work, note 124. [10] In support of this assertion, we believe that the historian Șerban Papacostea comes to the conclusion he reaches after a meticulous research of the causes that generated the conflict between Vlad Țepeș and the Saxons of southern Transylvania. Here is what he says: "The fierce confrontation between Vlad Țepeș and the cities of Brașov and Sibiu was therefore not a commercial war with political manifestations, but a political conflict with commercial excesses" (Șerban Papacostea, ,,Începuturile politica commerciale a Țării Românești și Moldovei (secolele XIV-XVI). Road and State", in Studies and Materials of Medieval History, X, Bucharest, 1983, p. 30. [11] This is an anonymous history up to 1500, La progenia della cassa de' Octomani, apud Nicolae Iorga, Acte și fragmente cu privire la istoria românilor, vol. III, București, 1897, p. 13 and Donado da Lezze's chronicle, Historia turchesca (1300-1514), ed. I. Ursu, Bucharest, 1909, pp. 24-25, which

indicates the year 1458 for Mahmud Pasha's expedition against Vlad Tepes, information considered true by N. Iorga in Istoria Românilor, vol. IV, Bucharest, 1937, pp. 130-131. [12] The chronological error of the two Italian sources, which place the events of the beginning of the 1462 campaign four years earlier, is demonstrated with solid arguments by Ștefan Andreescu, op. cit., pp. 91-92 and idem, ,,Războiul cu turcii din 1462", in Revista de istorie, tom 29, nr. 11, 1976, pp. 1673-1674. See also Const. A. Stoide, ,,Vlad the Impaler's battles with the Turks (1461-1462)", in Anuarul Institutulului de istorie e arheologie "A. D. Xenopol", XV, 1978, pp. 16-17. We share this opinion. The confusion in the two Italian sources may also derive from the fact that in early October 1458 Hungarian troops led by Mihail Szilagyi defeated an Ottoman army commanded by Mahmud Pasha near Belgrade (I. A. Fessler, E. Klein, Geschichte von Ungarn, III, Leipzig, 1876, p. 16; N. Iorga, Geschichte des osmanische Reiches nach den Quellen dargestellt, vol. II, Gotha, 1909, pp. 107-108; C. Jireček, Geschichte des Serben, II, 1, Gotha, 1918, p. 213; Franz Babinger, Mahomet II le Conquêrant et son temps. 1432-1481. La grande peur du monde au tournant de l'histoire, Paris, 1954, pp. 189-190). [13] For the haraciul of Wallachia during Vlad Țepeș's reign see M. Berza, ,,Haraciul Moldovei și Țării Românești în sec. XV-XIX", in Studii și materiale de istorie medie, II, București, 1957, pp. 28-29. [14] Istoria României, II, p. 470; N. Stoicescu, op. cit., p. 86; idem, ,,La victoire de Vlad l'Empaleur sur les Turcs (1462)", in Revue Roumaine d'Histoire, XV, no. 3, 1976, p. 377; Șt. Andreescu, Vlad Țepeș (Dracula)..., p. 99; R. Șt. Ciobanu, op. cit., pp. 170-171; Emil Stoian, Vlad Țepeș. Myth and historical reality, Bucharest, 1989, p. 79; Constantin Rezachevici, ,,Vlad Țepeș - chronology, bibliography", in Revista de istorie, tom 29, nr. 11, 1976, p. 1748; idem, ,,Vlad Țepeș - Chronology and historical Bibliography", in vol. Dracula. Essays on the Life and Times of Vlad Țepeș. Edited by Kurt W. Treptow, Columbia University Press, New York, 1991, p. 257; Kurt W. Treptow, Aspects of the Campaign of 1462, in ibid, pp. 123-124. Matei Cazacu considers that Vlad Țepeș stopped paying tribute to the Turks in 1460 and links this decision to the work of the Congress of Mantua in 1459 (Matei Cazacu, L'histoire du prince Dracula en Europe Centrale et Orientale (XVe siècle), Geneve, 1988, p. 📷. [15] In this year Mehmet II undertook an important campaign in Moreea, succeeding in conquering a third of the Peninsula, with the cities of Corinth, Patras, Vostitza, Kalavryta. The two despots of Morea, Thomas and Demetrios, are obliged to pay an annual tribute of 3,000 ducats (Denis A. Zakythinos, Le Despotat grec du Morée. Historie politique, London, 1975, pp. 256-260). [16] F. Babinger, op. cit., pp. 199-201. [17] Ibidem, pp. 210-215; D. A. Zakythinos, op. cit., pp. 267-274. On 1 August 1460, the Captain of the Gulf, the title borne by the commander of the Venetian fleet in the Adriatic, Lorenzo Moro, as well as the castellan of Modon and Coron, received very clear information that the Sultan intended to establish his authority over the whole of Morea, that he was the enemy of Venice and that he had already reached the borders of the Venetian territories in the Peninsula (F. Thiriet, Régestes des délibération du senat de Venise concernant la Romanie, tome III, 1431-1463, Paris, The Hague, 1961, pp. 233-234, no. 3118). [18] F. Babinger, op. cit., pp. 228-238; Ș. Papacostea, ,,Relațiile internazionali în răsăritul și sud-estul Europei în secolelele XIV-XV", in Revista de istorie, vol. 34, no. 5, 1981, pp. 916-917; Tahsin Gemil, Românii și otomanii în secolelele XIV-XVI, București, 1991, p. 140. 19] For this conflict see Hurmuzaki, Documents, XV, 1, pp. 50-51, doc. LXXXIX; I. Bogdan, Documente privitoare la relațiile Țării Românești cu Brașovul și cu Țara Ungurească în sec. XV-XVI, vol. I, 1413-1508,

Bucharest, 1905, pp. 101-103; C. C. Giurescu, Istoria românilor, vol. II, 1, 3rd ed., Bucharest, 1940, pp. 43-49; Istoria României, II, pp. 468-469; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, pp. 70-73; Șt. Andreescu, Vlad Țepeș (Dracula)..., pp. 66-77; R. Șt. Ciobanu, op. cit., pp. 150-159; E. Stoian, op. cit., pp. 60-70. Tursun bei shows that Vlad Țepeș ,,... trusting in the High Porte, overcame the Hungarians, killing many of them..." (op. cit., ed.cit., p. 68), and Chalcocondil also states the following: "And the Peons (Hungarians - n.n.), not a few, whom he believed to have some interference in public affairs, not killing any of them, killed them in very great numbers" (op. cit., ed.cit., p. 283). In fact, Vlad Țepeș's incursions into Transylvania were directed against all those who were working against him, hostile boyars or pretenders to the reign, and who were thus violating the country's aspirations for independence (Pavel Binder, ,,Itinerarul transilvănean al Vlad Țepeș", in Revista de istorie, tom 27, nr. 10, 1974, pp. 1537-1542).

[20] One of the reasons for the hostility of the Saxons, craftsmen and merchants par excellence, was probably the adoption of protectionist trade measures by Vlad Țepeș (Gustav Gündisch, ,,On Vlad Țepeș's relations with Transylvania in 1456-1458", in Studies. Revistă de istorie, vol. 16, 1963, pp. 684-686; Radu Manolescu, Comerțul Țării Românești și Moldovei cu Brașovul (secolelele XIV-XVI), Bucharest, 1965; Dinu C. Giurescu, ,,Relațiile economice ale Țării Românești cu paesi de Peninsulei Balcanice din secolul al XIV-lea până la mediados la XVI-lea", in Romanoslavica, XI, 1965, pp. 167-201; M. Cazacu, ,,L'impact ottoman sur les pays roumains et ses incidences monétairs (1452-1504)", in Revue Roumaine d'Histoire, XII, no. 1, 1973, pp. 188 ff.).

[21] We find the opinion of the historian Șerban Papacostea particularly interesting, who considers that Vlad Țepeș did not pursue a protectionist policy towards the Saxon merchants of Brașov and Sibiu: "Vlad Țepeș's relations with Brasov and Sibiu, the meaning of his conflict with the two cities, as well as his entire personality and activity are distorted in historiography, partly because of some of the sources that recorded his deeds, stories in Slavonic and German, a mixture of reality and legend, partly because of an historiographical approach that placed the thesis before the source and research" (Ș. Papacostea, ,,The Beginnings of Commercial Politics...", p. 27). In the continuation of the argument of this point of view it is pointed out that it is certain that Radu the Handsome, brother and successor in the reign of Vlad the Impaler, instituted the obligatory deposit, which considerably restricted the activity of the Brașovs in Wallachia and at the same time intercepted their direct link with the Lower Danube (Ibidem, p. 28). Returning to the throne in 1476, and with the assistance of the Hungarian royal armies, Vlad Țepeș undertook, in fact, to annul the measures of Radu the Handsome: ,,... that from now on the scale of what was shall be nowhere in the land of my reign" (I. Bogdan, Documents concerning the relations of Wallachia with Brasov..., I, pp. 95-97; Ș. Papacostea, ,,The beginnings of commercial policy...", p. 29). If this is the case, and it is very probable, it follows that Vlad the Impaler's war with the Saxons of southern Transylvania and with King Matthias Corvinus was purely political (Ș. Papacostea, ,,The beginnings of commercial politics...", p. 30; G. Gündisch, ,,Vlad Țepeș und die Sächsischen Selbstverwaltungsgebiete Siebenbürgens", in Revue Roumaine d'Histoire, VIII, no. 6, 1969, pp. 981-992). It is also possible that the payment of tribute to the Porte, which Vlad Țepeș made regularly in the first years of his reign, until 1459, was interpreted by the King of Hungary and the Transylvanian Saxons as a gesture of hostility (M. Cazacu, L'histoire du prince Dracula..., p. 5). Also, as Matthias Corvinus had been holding secret talks with the Turks since the end of 1458 to conclude an armistice (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, vol IV, Budapest, 1875, pp. 36-40; Lino Gómez Canedo, Un español al servicio de la Santa Sede. Don Juan de Carvajal, Cardinal of Sant Angelo, legate in Germany and Hungary (1399? - 1469), Madrid, 1947, p. 199), it is quite possible that the Sultan saw Vlad Țepeș's action as an act of pressure on the King of Hungary, that he even gave his approval for the military actions in southern Transylvania and that he accepted, as something absolutely normal, the non-payment of tribute from 1459.

[22] G. Gündisch, ,,Vlad Țepeș und die Sächsischen...", p. 992. It seems that this peace and alliance agreement was a direct consequence of an earlier agreement with Matthias Corvinus (N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p.89, n. 17; Radu Lungu, ,,À propos de la campagne antiottomane de Vlad l'Empaleur au sud du Danube (hiver 1461-1462)", in Revue Roumaine d'Histoire, XXII, no. 2, 1983, pp. 149-150).

[23] Ș. Papacostea, ,,The beginnings of commercial policy...", p. 29.

announced the crusade on 14 January 1460 (N. Iorga, Notes et extraits pour servir à l'histoire des croisades au XVe siècle, IV, Bucharest, 1915, pp. 166-168). Also, on 20 February 1460, Pius II offered Matthias Corvinus 40,000 ducats in case of war with the Turks, on condition that he did not conclude a separate peace with Mehmed II (Augustino Theiner, Vetera monumenta historica Hungariam sacram illustrantia, vol. II, Rome, Paris, 1860, pp. 351, 356-357). In turn, during the Congress of Mantua, Matthias Corvinus promised through his soldiers that he would participate in a possible crusade with a contingent of 12,000 soldiers (L. Gómez Canedo, op. cit, p. 212).

[24] The opinion that Vlad Țepeș openly took action against the Turks in 1461 and not in 1459 was expressed by Nicolae Iorga: "Only in 1461 does he change his behaviour: he returns to the traditional policy that had been his father's" (Scrisori de boieri. Scrisori de domni, 3rd ed., Vălenii de Munte, 1931, p. 163) and repeated by Sergiu Iosipescu, ,,Conjunctura și condiționarea internazionale politico-militare a cea seconda domnii a Vlad Țepeș (1456-1462)", in Studii și materiale de muzeografie e istorie militară, nr. 11, 1978, București, 1978, pp. 179-180. However, in the case of the two historians this opinion is not sufficiently scientifically substantiated. That is why we, being in agreement with this point of view, will try to support it with all the arguments at our disposal. 25] G. B. Picotti, La dieta di Mantova e la politica de'Veneziani, in Miscellanea di storia veneta, seria terza, tomo IV, Venezia, 1912. Pope Pius II, who was preparing the anti-Ottoman league, appealed for peace in Hungary, torn by fighting between the partisans of Matthias Corvinus and those of Frederick III of Habsburg (I. A. Fessler, E. Klein, op. cit., III, pp. 20-21; K. Nehring, Mathias Corvinus, Kaiser Friedrich III und das Reich. Zum hunyadisch-habsburgischen Gegensatz im Donauraum, Munich, 1975, pp. 15-16) and, despite the opposition of Venice and the imperial delegates, read the bull announcing the crusade on 14 January 1460 (N. Iorga, Notes et extraits pour servir à l'histoire des croisades au XVe siècle, IV, Bucharest, 1915, pp. 166-168). Also, on 20 February 1460, Pius II offered Matthias Corvinus 40,000 ducats in case of war with the Turks, on condition that he did not conclude a separate peace with Mehmed II (Augustino Theiner, Vetera monumenta historica Hungariam sacram illustrantia, vol. II, Rome, Paris, 1860, pp. 351, 356-357). In turn, during the Congress of Mantua, Matthias Corvinus promised through his soldiers that he would participate in a possible crusade with a contingent of 12,000 soldiers (L. Gómez Canedo, op. cit, p. 212).

[26] Luigi Bignami, Francesco Sforza (1401-1466), Milan, 1938, pp. 275-276.

[27] L. Chalcocondil, op. cit. ed., pp. 283-284.

[28] I. Bogdan, Documente privitoare la relațiile Țării Românești cu Brașovul..., I, p. 107; Urkundenbuch zur Geschichte der Deutschen in Siebenbürgen, VI, București, 1981, pp. 90-91, doc. 3237; G. Gündisch, Vlad Țepeș und die Sächsischen..., pp. 986-992; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 89, n. 17; Șt. Andreescu, ,,En marge des rapports de Vlad l'Empaleur avec l'Empire ottoman", in Revue des Etudes Sud-Est Européennes, XIV, no. 3, 1976, p. 374; S. Iosipescu, art. cit., p. 182; R. Lungu, art. cit., pp. 149-150.

[29] I. Bogdan, Vlad Tepes and the German and Russian narratives..., p. 78.

[30] Lodovico da Bologna is one of the most controversial figures of the age, who undertook numerous journeys to the East, as a soldier or papal legate, almost always with the mission of making anti-Ottoman alliances with the Eastern powers. His missions of 1437, 1454-1455, 1460-1461, 1465, 1472 and 1477 are well known. For his life and work see, among others, Moriz Landwehr von Pragenau, Ludwig von Bologna. Patriarch von Antiochien, in Mitteilungen des Österreich Instituts, Wien, 1901, p. 293; B. Bughetti, ,,Nuovi documenti intorno a Fr. Lodovico da Bologna O.F.M. (1460-1461)", in Studi Francescani, series 3 a, 10, 1938, pp. 128-134; Angelo Bargellesi Severi, ,,Nuovi documenti su fr. Lodovico da Bologna, al secolo Lodovico Severi, Nunzio Apostolico in Oriente (1455-1457)", in Archivum Franciscanum Historicum, annus 69, fasc. 1-2, 1976, pp. 3-22; Richard J.Walsh, ,,Charles the Bold and the Crusade: politics and propaganda", in Journal of medieval history, III, 1977, pp. 70-72, Jean Richard, La Papauté et les misisions d'Orient au Moyen Âge (XIIIe - XVe siècles), Paris, Torino, 1977, pp. 274-278.

[31] I. A. Fessler, Die Geschichte der Ungarn und ihrer Landsassen, V, Leipzig, 1822, p. 77; A. Bryer, ,,Lodovico da Bologna and the Georgian Embassy of 1460-1461", in Bendi Kartlisa. Revue de kartvelologie, XIX-XX, 1965, Paris, p. 181; Lajos Tardy, ,,Il ruolo di Venezia nei rapporti persiani e georgiani dell'Ungheria", in vol. Rapporti veneto-ungheresi all'epoca del Rinascimento, edited by Tibor Klaniczay, Budapest, 1975, p. 258.

[32] L. Tardy, art. cit.

[33] Ibid; A. Bryer, art. cit., p. 184.

[34] A. Bryer, op. cit. p. 191; L. Tardy, op. cit. p. 258.

[35] Ș. Papacostea, ,,Die politischen Voraussetzungen für die Wirtschaftliche Vorherrschaft des osmanischen Reiches Schwarzmeergebiet (1453-1484)", in Münchner Zeitschrift für Balkankunde, 1, Münich, 1978, p. 230; R. Lungu, art. cit., p. 151.

[36] L. Chalcocondil, op. cit., ed. cit., pp. 283-284; Critobul of Imbrosa, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 290; Ducas, Turkish-Byzantine History (1341-1462), ed. V. Grecu, Bucharest, 1958, p. 430; Tursun-bei, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 68; Șemseddin Ahmed bin Suleiman Kemal-pașa-zade, op. cit., ed. cit, p. 200; Enverî, Düsturname (Book of the Wazir), in Turkish Chronicles, I, p. 42, Asîk-pașa-zade, Tevarih-i Al-i Osman (Histories of the Ottoman Dynasty), in ibid, p. 92; Mehmed Neșri, Djihannuma. Tarih-i al-i Osman (History of the Ottoman Dynasty), in ibid, p. 125; Sa'adeddin Mehmed hodja efendi, Tadj-ut-Tevarih (Crown of Histories), in ibid, pp. 317-318; Mehmed bin Mehmed, Nuhbet-ut-tevarih ve'l ahbar (Chosen and Informative Chronicle), in ibid, pp. 406; Kodja Husein, Beda'i ul-veka'i (Wonderful Events), in ibid, p. 455; Solakzade Mehmed Hemdemi, Tarih-i Solakzade (Chronicle of Solakzade), in ibid, vol. II, sec. XVI - early sec. XVIII, ed. Mihail Guboglu, Bucharest, 1974, p. 139. It should be noted that all the Ottoman chronicles we have been able to consult place the time of Vlad Țepeș's battle in 1461 and do not mention any previous suspicion that the sultan may have had about him regarding non-payment of tribute. [37] Probably from spies infiltrating Hungary (F. Babinger, op. cit., pp. 246-247). [38] These details are known from the famous letter sent by Vlad Țepeș to Matia Corvin on 11 February 1462, after the attack on the Ottoman positions on the Danube (I. Bogdan, Vlad Țepeș și narațiunile germane și rusești..., p. 79; N. Iorga, Scrisori de boieri. Scrisori de domni, ed. cit., p. 165; Andrei Corbea, ,,Cu privire la corespondența lui Țepeș cu Matia Corvin", in Anuarul Institutului de istorie e arheologie ,,A. D. Xenopol", XVII, 1980, p. 677). Without these details the solia is also mentioned by L. Chalcocondil, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 282; Ducas, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 430; Enverî, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 42; Tursun-bei, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 68. Asîk-pașa-zade states that the sultan's message was preceded by one of Vlad Țepeș (op. cit., ed. cit., p. 92), the same statement can be found in Mehmed Neșri (op. cit., ed. cit., p. 125). [39] For this blood tribute ("devșirme") see B. D. Populia, Ursprung und Wesen der "kuabeulese" im osmanischen Reich, Munich, 1963, with the mention on p. 58 of Vlad Țepeș's justified refusal, apud N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 91, n. 24. [40] Ducas, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 430; Tursun-bei, op. cit., ed. cit., p. 68. [41] Radu Florescu, Raymond T. Mc. Nally in Dracula. A Biography of Vlad the Impaler (1431-1476), New York, 1973, argue that Vlad the Impaler's refusal to appear at the Porte is evidence of Turkish suspicion of his improving relations with Matthias Corvinus (pp. 90-91). [42] Most of the Ottoman chronicles I have been able to consult, of course, accuse Vlad Țepeș of cunning and deceit, showing that Hamza bei and Catabolinos had no hostile intentions. That this is not the case we can learn from the Turkish chroniclers, namely from Kodja Husein and Solakzade Mehmed Hemdemi, who show that the Sultan, before sending the two in solie, gave the order for the gathering of the armies (Turkish Chronicles, I, p. 455 and II, p. 139). [43] An eloquent example of this is Enverî, op. cit. ed. cit. p. 42, but also many other Turkish chroniclers to whom we do not return. But here is what Enverî says: "After the Shah conquered Trapezuntul/ He set out from here to Rumelia/ He filled that land with great riches/ And the enemies on all sides were punished// While the Shah was on that side/ And the Rumanian on this side,/ He made so many uprisings, that whoever saw them was astonished/ Ishak-pasha sat in residence/ He did not go out of the word of the Shah by heeding his advice/. The Shah summoned the viceroy/ Then Iunus left on his solie/ Iunus-bei and Hamza-bei died like martyrs/ And that unworthy man also scorched the banks of the Danube/ When the year reached 866 (1461-1462 - ed.)/ The Pashah began a holy expedition against him". [44] The

Congress of Mantua was one of the main initiatives of Pope Pius II to organize an anti-Ottoman crusade, an idea that was dominant throughout his pontificate but never materialized. See, among others, G. B. Picotti, op. cit.; A. S. Atiya, The Crusade in the Later Middle Ages, London, 1938, pp. 236-240; R. Eysser, ,,Papst Pius II und der Kreuzug gegen die Türken, in Mélanges d'Histoire Générale", published by C. Marinescu, vol. II, Bucharest, 1938, pp. 1-138; Giacchino Paparelli, Enea Silvio Piccolomini (Pius II), Bari, 1950, pp. 210-222; G. Valentini, ,,La crociata di Pio II dalla documentazione veneta d'archivio", in Archivum historiae pontificiae, XIII, 1975, pp. 249-282; K. M. Setton, The papacy and the Levant (1204-1571), II The Fifteenth Century, Philadelphia, 1978, pp. 196-270; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 87; Șt. Andreescu, War with the Turks in 1462, p. 1677; S. Iosipescu, art. cit. See also note 25 above. [45] Pius II's crusading aspirations were also based on possible collaboration with the Ottoman Empire's Asian neighbours (the Turkmen state of Ak-koiunlu in Persia, Uzun Hasan, Sinope, Trapezunt, Georgia, Armenia), who had already in 1458-1459 concluded an anti-Ottoman alliance and forced Mehmet II to turn his main forces eastwards where, in 1461, he conquered Sinope and Trapezunt (The Cambridge Modern History, vol. I, The Renaissance, Cambridge, 1931, p. 78; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 89; Ș. Papacostea, ,,Caffa et la Moldavie face à l'expresion ottomane (1453-1484)", in Romanian-Italian Colloquium Genovesii la Marea Neagră în secolele XIII-XIV, București, 27-28 March 1975, București, 1977, pp. 139-140; Șt. Andreescu, War with the Turks in 1462, p. 1677; S. Iosipescu, art. cit. [46] Ducas, op. cit. ed., p. 422 et seq.; E. Stoian, op. cit. p. 79. [47] Freddy Thiriet, La Romanie vénitienne au Moyen Âge. Le dévélopement et l'exploitation du domaine colonial vénitien (XIIe - XVe siècles), Paris, 1959, pp. 384, 385. [48] I. Bogdan, Vlad Țepeș și narațiunile germane și rusești..., p. 81; N. Iorga, Scrisori de boieri. Scrisori de domni, ed. cit., p. 166; A. Corbea, art. cit., p. 678. [49] In Pius II's crusading plans, Matthias Corvinus, the Catholic king of Hungary, was to play a leading role. Thus, on 18 January 1460 he urged him to continue his military preparations (Hurmuzaki, Documente, II, 2, Bucharest, 1891, pp. 128-129; A. Theiner, op. cit, p. 329), and in the course of that year he sent him as a subsidy the sum of 40,000 ducats (Monumenta Vaticana, Mathiae Corvini Hungariae regis epistolae ad Romanos Pontifices datae et ab eis acceptae, Budapest, 1891, p. 13; Stephan Kaprinai, Hungaria Diplomatica temporibus Mathiae de Hunyad Regis Hungariae, II, Vienna, 1771, p. 393). With this money 12,000 men and 10 ships could be armed (Hurmuzaki, Documente, II, 2, pp. 130-131; A. Theiner, op. cit., II, pp. 351, 356-357), and the king promised 40,000 men and his personal participation in the anti-Ottoman struggle (N. Iorga, Notes et extraits, IV, p. 182; St. Kaprinai, op. cit., pp. 354-355), but none of this happened. [50] Ș. Papacostea, ,,Die politischen Voraussetzungen...," p. 230. [51] See notes 48 and 49 above. [52] The very fact of the capture (in the autumn of 1460) and execution of his uncle Mihail Szilágyi (5 February 1461) (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, p. 67; L. Gómez Canedo, op. cit., pp. 215-216), although it caused a certain tension in relations with the Turks (F. Babinger, op. cit., pp. 443-444), did not lead Matthias Corvinus to go to battle against them. [53] In 1462 he was still in conflict with Emperor Ferdinand III (1440-1493) who, on 17 February 1459, had been elected king of Hungary by a group of magnates from the western and north-western counties, headed by the palatine Ladislaus Garai. The conflict was not resolved, following papal mediation, until 19 and 26 July 1463, when, in Buda and Wiener Neustadt, the two sovereigns ratified a treaty concluded the previous year (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera,

IV, p. 143; Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini, Historia rerum Friderici III Imperatoris, Helmstadt, 1700, p. 49; A. Theiner, op. cit., II, pp. 382-391; I. A. Fessler, E. Klein, op. cit., III, p. 31, A. Hoffmann, Kaiser Friedrichus III. Beziehungen zu Ungarn in dem Jahren 1458-1464, Breslau, 1877, p. 16; V. Fraknói, Mathias Corvinus König von Ungarn 1458-1490, Freiburg im Breisgau, 1891, p. 95; K. Nehring, op. cit. pp. 209-213; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 128; Șt. Andreescu, En marge des rapports..., p. 508). [54] The foreign policy of King Matthias Corvinus was strongly influenced throughout by the dynastic struggles with the Habsburgs and the Jagiellons, each of whom sought to expand their influence and power in Central Europe as much as possible (Lajos Elekes, La politica estera di re Mattia e gli Stati italiani nella seconda metà del secolo XV, in vol. Rapporti veneto-ungheresi all'epoca del Rinascimento, edited by Tibor Klaniczay, Budapest, 1975, p. 246). [55] V. Fraknói, Mátyás kiraly levelei (Correspondence of King Matthias), I, Budapest, 1893, pp. 18-19. [56] Ș. Papacostea, ,,Cu privire la genza și spreaddirea povestirilor escritas despre faptele lui Vlad Țepeș", in Romanoslavica, XIII, București, 1966, pp. 159-167. This study shows that the appearance, at the end of 1462 and during 1463, of the first texts recounting the deeds of Vlad Țepeș (the Vienna manuscript, incorporated in Thomas Ebendorfer's chronicle, Enea Silvio Piccolomini's Commentaries and Michael Beheim's Povestirea in verse) is only one aspect of the propaganda campaign intended to cover the abandonment by the King of Hungary of the anti-Ottoman action to which he had committed himself (p. 162). The testimony of the papal legate Nicholas of Modrussa, who carried out an important mission for Matthias Corvinus at the end of 1462 and the beginning of 1463 (p. 163; G. Mercati, ,,Notizie varie sopra Niccolò Modrusiense", in Opere minori, vol. IV, Città del Vaticano, 1937, pp. 217-218, text of the account on pp. 247-248. For stories about Vlad Țepeș see also Ion Stăvăruș, Povestiri medievale despre Vlad Țepeș - Dracula, Bucharest, 1978. [57] Vlad Țepeș also tried to obtain help from the Genoese of Caffa, one of his soils being recorded in the town's accounts on 17 and 20 May 1462 (N. Iorga, Acte și fragmente, III, p. 39; idem, Studii istorice asupra Chiliei și Cetății Albe, București, 1899, p. 124; Sergiu Columbeanu, ,,Acțiuni navale în timpul lui Ștefan cel Mare", in Revista de istorie, tom 28, nr. 1, 1975, p. 76; Șt. Andreescu, War with the Turks in 1462, p. 1685), but here too he was not successful. [58] Barbu T. Câmpina, ,,Complotul boierilor și "răscoala" din Țara Românească din iulie-noiembrie 1462", in Studii și referate privind istoria României, parte I, București, 1954, pp. 599-624; E. Stoian, op. cit., p. 116; the sources even show the existence of a group of philoturci boyars, who betrayed Vlad Țepeș and demanded an intervention of the sultan against him (I. Bogdan, Documente privitoare la relațiile Țării Românești cu Brașovul..., I, pp. 149-150; see also the account by Nicolae de Modrussa in Ș. Papacostea, Cu privire la genza..., pp. 163-164, Șt. Andreescu, En marge des rapports..., pp. 377-379). [59] The attitude of Venice towards Vlad Țepeș's anti-Ottoman struggle was analysed in general terms by Șerban Papacostea in his study ,,Venise et les pays roumains au Moyen Âge", in vol. Venezia e il Levante fino al sec. XV, Firenze, 1973, pp. 608-611. In the present chapter we intend to provide only a few additions and developments. [60] N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș..., p.87. [61] J. de Hammer, Histoire de l'Empire ottoman, tome III, Paris, 1836, translated from the German by J. J. Hellert, p. 17; Samuele Romanin, Storia documentata di Venezia, II edizione, tomo IV, Venezia, 1913, pp. 261-262; N. Iorga, Geschichte des Osmanischen Reiches, II, pp. 45-46; F. Thiriet, La Romanie..., pp. 383-384; W. Heyd, Histoire du commerce de Levant au Moyen Âge, translated by Furcy Raynaud, vol. II, Leipzig,

1886, p. 318; G. I Brătianu, La Mer Noire. Des origines à la conquête ottomane, Monachii, 1969, p. 320; William H. Mc. Neill, Venice, the hinge of Europe (1081-1797), The University of Chicago Press, 1974, pp. 86-88. The new peace guaranteed the Venetians freedom of trade in Ottoman territories in return for a 2% customs tax on the value of goods. [62] Andrew C. Hess, ,,The Evolution of the Ottoman Seaborne Empire in the Age of the Oceanic Discoveries. 1453-1525", in The American Historical Review, LXXXV, num. 7, 1970, pp. 1900-1903. [63] F. Thiriet, Régestes..., III, p. 227, no. 3088; F. Babinger, ,,Jaqubpascha, ein Leibarz Mehmed's II", in Rivista degli studi orientali, 26, 1951, pp. 87-113. [64] F. Thiriet, Régestes..., III, p. 227, no. 3088. [65] Ibid, p. 221, no. 3059. [66] Ibidem, pp. 223-224, no. 3071. [67] The Venetians were not wrong in their assessment, since scientific research today will confirm that the Ottoman army can be considered as the most developed form of the horsemen armies of the steppe, benefiting also from a strong artillery support, which made it particularly feared during sieges of various types of fortifications (A. S. Atiya, op. cit., p. 329). [68] Indeed, on 7 December 1458, 16 February and 7 May 1459, the Senate had adopted measures to reinforce the military positions at Modon, Lepanto and Nauplia (F. Thiriet, Régestes..., III, pp. 224-225, nos. 3073, 3075 and 3081). [69] Ibid, p. 227, no. 3090. [70] Ibid, p. 227, no. 3091. [71] Gyula Rászó, ,,A strange alliance. Some thoughts on the military and political history of the alliance against the Turks (1440-1464)", in vol. Venezia e Ungheria nel Rinascimento, edited by Vittore Branca, Florence, 1973, p. 98. [72] F. Thiriet, Régestes..., III, p. 230, no. 3101. [73] Ibidem, p. 231, no. 3106. [74] Ibid, p. 231, no. 3107. [75] Ibid, p. 232, no. 3110. [76] Ibid, pp. 233-234, No 3118. [77] Ibid, p. 236, No 3129. [78] Ibid, p. 238, No 3137. [79] Idem, Déliberations des assamblées vénitiennes concernant la Romanie, tome II, 1364-1463, Paris, 1971, pp. 229-230, no. 1598. [80] Idem, Régestes..., III, p. 239, no. 3141. [81] Idem, Délibérations..., II, p. 231, no. 1604. [82] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 92-93; Ș. Papacostea, Venice and the Romanian countries..., p. 608. [83] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 111 and 120.For the diplomatic action of Venice in this period and at the beginning of the war with the Turks see, among others, Roberto Lopez, ,,Il principio della guera veneto-turca nel 1463", in Archivio Veneto, serie V, XV, 1934, pp. 45-131. [84] Ioan Bianu, ,,Ștefan cel Mare. Câteva documente din Arhivele de stat de Milano", in Columna lui Traian, January-February 1883, pp. 34-35. [85] On 20 March 1462, the Venetian Senate sent to Rome the report of its ambassador to Buda and a copy of what might be called a real war bulletin sent by Vlad Tepes to Matia ,,... simul cum certis exemplis litterrarum per vaivodam Valachiae scriptarum Regi Hungariae nonnulla nova felicita continentium" (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 121-122; Ș. Papacostea, Venise et les pays roumains..., p. 608; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 95). [86] This is clear from Pietro Tomasso's report of 4 March 1462 and is recorded just as clearly by Domenico Malipiero, with reference to the Sultan's campaign of the same year, in his famous Venetian annals: "Ma'l Turco e sta chiama in Valachia in difesa del fratello del Signor Viacola, che e sta scazzado da esso Signor Viacola; e condutto l'esercito in quella provincia, Viacola se ghe ha opposto con potente esercito, e l'ha rebatudo gagiardamente" (Domenico Malipiero, ,,Annali veneti dall'anno 1457 al 1500", in Archivio storico italiano, tomo VII, parte I, Firenze, 1843, pp. 11-12): also an anonymous Italian chronicle, up to 1481, probably also known in Venice, mentions in 1462, also referring to the Sultan's campaign: ,,... Turco andato contra Dracula in Valachia: sonno fugati Turci e malmenati" (N.

Iorga, Acts and Fragments, III, p. 39). [87] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 122, 127 and 131; L. Gomez Canedo, op. cit., pp. 222-223. [88] Bucharest State Archives, Microfilme Italia, roll 57, frames 501-502. [89] Ș. Papacostea, Venice and the Romanian countries..., p. 609. [91] It is interesting to note that the Venetian Senate had shared this opinion for some time, from the beginning of 1462. On 22 January this year, in the instructions it sent to its ambassadors in France, the Senate asked them to show King Louis XI (1461-1483) that, without effective help, Matthias Corvinus was on the point of being crushed, since he was fighting simultaneously on two fronts, against the Emperor Frederick III and against the Turks. It was pointed out that only a shameful peace would bring him glory. Obviously these arguments were of no value to the French king, who was more interested in Italian affairs than in fighting the Ottoman Empire (P. M. Perret, Histoire des relations de la France avec Venise du XIIIe siècle a l'avenement de Charles VIII, vol. I, Paris, 1896, pp. 381-384). [92] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 142-143. [93] The Venetian ambassador here confuses two distinct actions, namely: the attack of Mahmud Pasha, which occurred in May and was a prelude to the Sultan's campaign (Sts. Andreescu, Vlad Țepeș (Dracula)..., p. 107), with the campaign itself, attributing to the former the number of troops with which Sultan Mehmed II himself came. [94] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 146-147. [95] The court of Buda, by supplying this information to the Venetian ambassador, as well as that concerning the weakness of Vlad Țepeș's forces and, therefore, his probable defeat, sought, of course, to prepare the ground for Matia Corvin's future explanations of his apathy in the face of the Ottoman offensive and to cast a shadow of doubt on the Romanian prince's sincere desire to fight. See also note 90. [96] "Vajvoda quotidie hic sollicitat ut adjuventur, quia solus tantos impetus sustinere non valet" (Epistolae Mathiae Corvini regis Ungariae, ed. Johannes Hajdo-Michael Kuun, vol. I, Claudiopoli, 1745, p. 74). Here we would like to point out that the Sultan, before setting out on his campaign, had asked Matthias Corvinus to leave him the Romanian Country and Bosnia (the latter he would indeed conquer the following year, in 1463), offering him peace for his kingdom in return and threatening that if he did not accept these conditions, he would invade Hungary with his large army (Pius II (Enea Silvio Piccolomini), Comentarii, ed. G. Bernetti, vol. III, Vienna, 1973, p. 176). This threat, in addition to the conflict with Frederick III, which was still unresolved, led the King of Hungary, who did not even have large forces at his disposal, not to intervene, in fact not to respect the terms of the agreement he had concluded with Vlad Țepeș, not to respect his obligations as his suzerain as he claimed to be. He was content only to take some measures to defend Transylvania and did not leave Buda until August, when the defeated sultan had long since left Wallachia (see notes 55 and 90 above). [97] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, p. 147. [98] Ș. Papacostea, Venise et les pays roumains..., p. 610. [99] Barbu T. Câmpina, ,,Victoria oștirii lui Țepeș asupra sultanului Mehmed al II-lea" (On the occasion of the 500th anniversary), in Studii. Revistă de istorie, vol. 15, no. 3, 1962, p. 550; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 117; idem, La victoire de Vlad L'Empaleur sur les Turcs (1462), p. 395. [100] Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 167-168. [101] N. Iorga, Acts and Fragments, III, p. 39; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 118; Șt. Andreescu, Vlad Țepeș (Dracula)..., p. 119. [102] D. Malipiero, op. cit. [103] N. Iorga, Acts and Fragments, III, p. 86; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 118; Șt. Andreescu, Vlad Țepeș (Dracula)..., p. 120. [104] "... dando nobis notitiam per litteras tuas quanto diligentius

poteris de successibus Majestatis suae in illis partibus Valachiae et de omnibus que occurent" (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, p. 181; Ș. Papacostea, Venise et les pays roumains..., p. 610; N. Stoicescu, Vlad Țepeș, p. 128). [105] "Casum retentionis Draguli olim voivode..., circa quam rem idem serenissimus Rex etiam per suas littetras nobis scripsit" (I. Nagy, B. Nyáry, Magyar diplomacziai emlékek. Matyás király korobol. 1458-1490 (Sources of Hungarian Diplomacy. The Age of King Matthias), vol. I, Budapest, 1875, p. 172). [106] Fontes rerum Austriacarum, II, Diplomataria et acta, 42 (Urkunden und Aktemstüke zur ósterreichischen Geschichte im Zeitalter Friedrichs III und König Georg von Böhmon (1440-1471), ed. A. Bachmann, Wien, 1879, p. 442, no. 329 (9 November 1467): 'Nich lanngt an, wie sich, nein gnädiger Herre (Johann von Mergenthal, chancellor of the emperor - n.n.) der König zu Hungern mit dem Turcken fünff Jär die nächsten, in Besicht vertragen habe, und in die Walachey zuziehen in Furnemen angetzogen sey, das ich euch zu verkunden nicht verhalten kan wollen'. This is the renewal of Turkish-Maghreb pacts every five years, including those of 1452, 1457 and 1462. See also Radu Constantinescu, Codicele Altenberger, Bucharest, 1988, p. 15. However, the peace with the Turks may have been concluded even earlier, in 1461. The fact that the Hungarians did not attack the Turks in this year, when the Danube line was poorly defended due to the campaign in Asia, fuelled rumours of a possible secret Turkish-Hungarian peace (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, pp. 101-105; N. Stoicescu, La victoire de Vlad L'Empaleur sur les Turcs (1462), p. 383, n. 23, R. Lungu, art. cit., pp. 147-158; M. Cazacu, L'histoire du prince Dracula..., p. 10). Ileana Căzan considers that Matia Corvin's first armistice with the Turks was concluded only in 1468, "Matia Corvin, securing the Danube frontier and the Turkish-Hungarian armistice of 1468", in Revista istorica, Seria Nouă, vol. 3, no. 7-8, 1992, pp. 769-782). [107] F. Thiriet, Régestes..., III, p. 247, no. 3171. [108] "Libuit Serenitati Regie Vestre litteris ejus super ad nos delatis, significare infestum casum Vaivode olim Valachie, qui adversus Mejstatem Vestram, regnumque vestrum tantum facimus perpetrare molitus erat..." (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, p. 171). [109] Ibid. [110] "Studiosus eris intelligere conditiones regni illius et in specie volumus, quod nos advises, qualiter se habuit negocium Dragulli Vallachie, dando etiam nobis administrationem de illo, qui in presentiarum reperitur Vaiovoda in partibus illis et qualiter se intelligit aut non intelligit cum Rege Hungarie. Significabis quoque nobis provisiones factas, etque de cetero fient in Regno illi. Et si sentires, quod teneretur aliqua praticha, vel tractatus pacis, aut sufferentiarum inter Regem et Turcum diriges spiritus et cogitamina queque tua ad obviandum et turbandum tractatus hujusmodi per omnes illos prudentes, bonos et acommodator modos, qui videnbuntur tibi" (Ibidem, IV, p. 202; Sime Ljubić, Listine o odnosajh izmedju juznoga slavenstva i mletačke republike, vol. X, in Monumenta spectantia historiam slavorum meridionalium XXII, Zagreb, 1891, p. 241, doc. CCXXXVIII; Ș. Papacostea, Venise et les pays roumains..., p. 611). [111] Ferenc Szakály, ,,Phases of Turco-Hungarian Warfare before the Battle of Mohács (1365-1526)", in Acta Orientalia Academiae Scientiarum Hungaricae, tomus XXXIII, fasciculus 1, 1979, p. 109. [112] The peace treaty was drawn up in 1462 by Bishop Ion Vitez and the papal legate Geronimo Landus, Bishop of Crete, but was not concluded until 19 July 1463 (Monumenta Hungariae Historica. Acta extera, IV, p. 143; I. A. Fessler, E. Klein, op. cit., III, p. 31; K. Nehring, op. cit., pp. 18-19 and 202-217). [113] A. Theiner, op. cit., II, pp. 380-382; N. Iorga, Acts and Fragments, III, p. 40; Hurmuzaki, Documents, II, 2, pp. 149-151. [114] G. Rászó, art. cit. [115] L. Elekes, art. cit., p. 249;

L. Ernest Denis, Fin de l'indépendance boheme. Georges de Podiebrad. Les Jagellons, Paris, 1890, p. 152. It should be noted that between 1464 and 1466, although he had abandoned the fight with the Turks and had not yet entered into war with Podiebrad, Matthias Corvinus continued to receive important subsidies from the papacy (I. A. Fessler, E. Klein, op. cit., III, p. 43; G. Valentini, ,,La sospensione della crociata nei primi anni di Paolo II (1464-1468) (Dai documenti d'archivio di Venezia)", in Archivum historiae pontificiae, XIV, 1976, pp. 71-101; K. M. Setton, op. cit, pp. 273 ff.) and even of Venice (I libri commemoriali della republica di Venezia, V, Venezia, 1901, pp. 153 and 155, apud M. Cazacu, L'histoire du prince Dracula..., p. 14). It seems, according to some calculations, that the total amount of papal subsidies during the reign of Matthias Corvinus amounted to 300,000 ducats (A. Kupelwieser, Ungarns Kämpfe gegen die werdenden Macht der Osmanen bis zur Schlacht bei Mohács, Wien-Leipzig, 1895, p. 149). [116] P.M. Perret, op. cit., I, p. 409; L. Gómez Canedo, op. cit. [117] For Podiebrad's crusade project and the work of his soil Antonio Marini see E. Denis, De Antonio Marini et de Bohemiae ratione politica, eo oratore, Angouleme, 1878; idem, Fin de l'independance boheme..., pp. 112 and 115; P.M. Perret, op. cit., I, pp. 391-393. [118] For this major conflict between Matthias Corvinus and Frederick III see, among others: V. Fraknói, Mathias Corvinus König von Ungarn 1458-1490; pp. 208-212; Peter Rassow, Histoire de l'Allemagne des origines à nos jours, vol. I, Lyon, 1969, p. 285; L. Elekes, art. cit., p. 249; I. Barta, T. Berend, P. Hanák, Histoire de la Hongrie des origines à nos jours, publié sous la direction de E. Pamlényi, Budapest, 1974, p. 130; K. Nehring, op. cit. pp. 163-164

#vlad tepes #vlad the impaler #article #book #Vlad the Impaler between Hungary and the Ottoman Empire #wallachia #dracula

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cerberusdailynews · 3 years

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[PEOPLE] Interview with an Ardat-Yakshi

By Cil M’riste, freelance storyteller xposted to Freelance News, Cerberus Daily News, The Watch, and 14 others The Ardat-Yakshi condition is one of our oldest myths. One that is largely presumed to be legend by a large portion of the galaxy’s population. The term “ardat-yakshi” appears in fantasy books, in extranet games, and even in extranet RP forums. But what is the condition, and what is the myth? Most people will never even meet those with the underpinning medical issue. But I happened to get a chance to sit down with someone with the condition, to get her thoughts on a few issues facing people like herself. I myself am not a doctor, nor any legal scholar. So any information provided by this interview can only be taken as a small view into a larger issue. They are the opinions and lived experiences of but one person living with the condition. The rest of the article will be presented in a Q/A format, with a set of final thoughts from myself. Cil (C): "Hi, Nara. It's nice to meet you! Thanks for doing this. How was the trip here?" Nara (N): "Um... nice to meet you too, Cil, my job is to pilot a freighter between here and Palaven, so I make this trip a lot. This time it was a little slower than usual. You'd think traffic jams wouldn't be a thing in three-dimensional space, but with the amount of starship traffic around the Citadel, that's not always true. But I assume you're not here to interview me about my trip. You're here to interview me because I'm an Ardat-Yakshi. Well... Ask away." C:"Oh, no. While that’s true, that it's not what we came here for, I'm not aiming to rush you. But if you'd like to get into it, certainly. Let's see…" N: "Yeah, I'd like to get the tough questions out of the way sooner, I've been stressed out about this interview for like the whole day, and once we get those out of the way it'll be a huge load off my back." C: “Well, for starters. All most of us know about Ar- about those with your condition is that they are... well, extremely controlled, to put it mildly. Most of that knowledge comes from vids and games and all manner of fictional sources, so I don't even know if that's actually part of their thing, but for the sake of asking... Have you ever had an encounter with a Justicar?" N: "I can neither confirm nor deny that, unfortunately. Damn it. Uhhhhh... some of it, but not all of it, will probably be declassified in like fifty years or something. If we're both still around then, I can answer that question. But I think this is the only question that would run into that problem, so feel free to ask anything else you want." C:"So if there's something to declassify that insinuates, at least in my view, at least a tip to the scales in the 'yes' direction. But we'll move on, for sure. Hopefully this one is a little more easily answered. Now, as I understand it, for obvious reasons you've spent your life outside of the Asari Republics entirely. What has life been like for you living away from the traditional asari space?" N: "That... is quite a broad question, you could get a whole interview out of that, if you wanted. But if you want a short answer... On Palaven, especially in the city I grew up in, there weren't very many asari. I spent my whole childhood trying to fit in with my turian neighbors, and I didn't really have other asari to interact with other than my parents. When I became an adult, I enlisted to join the Turian military, where I stayed for most of my life so far, then retired to the reserves several years ago. I ended up having to become a cabalist since I was a biotic, like almost all asari are. There was only one other asari in my cabal though, and we didn't really get along much. First deployment was to Irune, which was pretty peaceful. Also met my wife there, so it made up for having to wear an exosuit all the time. Second deployment was to Solregit, which was... not peaceful. There was a rebellion on the planet's northern hemisphere that wanted to secede from the Hierarchy, which I'm sure you've heard about before. And, of course, I helped defend Palaven during the Reaper War. If there's anything you'd like me to go into more detail about, ask away." C:"Wife? Can you explain how that happened? Were they aware of...everything?" [Nara showed me some pictures here] N:"We met through an online dating service, actually. I stated up-front in my profile that my condition made it impossible for me to meld with anyone, or... be intimate in a way that could risk me accidentally melding with them. But Jin wasn't really interested in either of those things, so we were both happy together in spite of that. I think I have some wedding photos in my omnitool I can show you. That's her. That's Jin. And that's me next to her, but it's hard to tell it's me because the suit obscures my face." C:"Awwww. Those are lovely pictures. Many of us in our maiden stage don't settle down so easily. Do you think living in a mostly turian area growing up influenced your desire to commit to someone that early? And if you don't mind another question to move us along... You seem relatively outspoken about your condition. Is there a reason you feel the need to take what most people would likely consider the risky position of putting yourself and your condition out there without secrecy?" N: "To answer your first question, I would say yes, absolutely. Most of my turian peers, those who did settle down, at least, tended to do so in their thirties. I was thirty-eight years old when I married Jin, which is a little above average for a turian but I found out later that it was like, crazy low for an asari. Your second question is kind of complicated because I have multiple reasons. Firstly, and most importantly, is that somebody needs to speak out. If any of the Ardat-Yakshi in the Republics tried to do an interview like this, they'd be killed or locked up by Justicars or by the government or an angry mob of other asari. I'm still worried sometimes that they'll try and do that to me anyway, even though I've never been to asari space, and if it's a justicar I don't stand any chance of winning a one-on-one fight with one. I have a responsibility to speak up for those who can't speak for themselves, while I still can. Secondly, I'm from the Hierarchy and Turian culture places a very very strong value on honesty. Directly lying about my condition would go against everything I stand for. Thirdly, if what I say informs people about Ardat-Yakshi, it lessens the risk of other Ardat-Yakshi accidentally or, though I'm sad to say it, intentionally injuring or killing innocent people. If even one life is saved, even if I get killed, speaking up will have been worth it. Lastly, though this isn't that important since it only affects my personal life, but I am really, really, annoyed by stereotypes about asari promiscuity and especially asari maiden promiscuity. Letting it be known that I can't sleep with anyone because it could kill them cuts down on unwanted propositioning by, like, ninety percent." C: "Thank you… Those answers definitely shed some light on why you're willing to be rather public about these things. It's a good goal, wanting less people to be hurt. The idea of informing others actually leads quite nicely into my next question. I'm fairly certain I know the answer to this one- But are there any big myths that are simply false, or incomplete information that you think people should know the truth about?" N: "Well, to start things off, basically everything in stuff like Galaxy of Fantasy is wrong. We don't have magic powers, we can't resurrect the dead, et cetera. Most of these should be fairly obviously false, so I'm not going to spend that much time on them because otherwise I'd have to spend all day ranting about stuff like that one human I met who claimed I was somehow a real-life vampire or something. I get so many vampire comparisons. It's annoying. Ardat-yakshi aren't vampires. There's like, no connection at all. Anyway, to get back on track, there's one very important myth I would like to dispel. The ardat-yakshi medical condition is actually a spectrum. The lethal variant of the condition, which I have, is very very rare, but there are other variants that aren't lethal, and are much more common. At the mildest and most common end you have people who just give their meld partners temporary headaches, though most people with this variant don't actually know that what they have is technically a variant of the ardat-yakshi disease, and the Republics don't persecute them like they do with people like me. However, they're still infertile, just like anyone else on the A-Y spectrum. Further along the spectrum, the condition gets bad enough that each meld basically gives the ardat-yakshi's meld partner a concussion, and then even further along the spectrum comes permanent brain damage from each meld, and some ardat-yakshi can even leave their partners comatose in extreme cases. Or dead." C:"Thank you for your answers. I can't imagine it's easy to talk about some of this, given the way the disorder is regarded. Now that we've discussed things that are false, what are some true things you wished other people knew about it?" N: "Well, melding is actually addictive for Ardat-Yakshi, just as the Republics and Justicars say it is. I'm not exactly sure how addictive it is, since at the time of my only meld, which was before I knew I was an Ardat-Yakshi of course, I was already trying to fight off an Aurora addiction. I'm not sure what withdrawal effects were from that and what were from the meld, but it's definitely possible to fight off the addiction. Secondly, Ardat-Yakshi serial killers, though I would like to emphasize that they are very, very rare and are in no way representative of the average A-Y sufferer, do actually exist. They normally don't get very far in the Republics proper, since an autopsy can reveal how the victims died and you can test suspects for the Ardat-Yakshi medical condition. But outside asari space, people don't know how to actually catch the serial killers because the Republics keep trying to suppress information about Ardat-Yakshi, and the serial killers can amass staggering body counts because of that. The Republics would seemingly let hundreds of innocent people die to... um... avoid making themselves look bad or something? I'm actually kind of confused as to why they don't just tell everyone the truth for once." C: "Hm. That makes sense. But what about asari colonies, or even nations with asari majority or pluralities? Surely the condition can occur in them as well? Even if the Republics are, as you say, loath to reveal the truth, surely someone out there has been doing research too? That's just a thought though, I don't actually expect you to know what groups or nations all across the Terminus might be doing." N:"As far as I know, the condition, well, the forms of the condition severe enough to be dangerous, anyway, is rare enough that research isn't prioritized, especially since A-Y is basically a pureblood exclusive disease and asari colonies outside the Republics tend to have fewer purebloods." C:"Well, I have two more questions planned, so we're really scooting along here. Thank you again for sitting down with me. Let's see... Are there any mistakes you've made in your efforts to spread awareness for this condition?" N:"Well, with the fact that so few Ardat-Yakshi are able to speak openly about their conditions, when I talk to people about this, I'm basically the only Ardat-Yakshi that most people ever know about. Since I'm their only reference point, I worry that people will take my flaws and apply them to everyone with the condition. I admit, I'm not the best figurehead. I'm a convicted criminal, albeit for something I don't want to discuss here. I'm a veteran of a, to put it mildly, controversial war on Solregit. And I don't get along with people sometimes, along with other various personality flaws. But there are Ardat-Yakshi who are better people than I am. They simply never got the chance to speak out, like I do. One more question, and then I have to get back to my ship." C:"Of course, I don't want to take up too much of your time. I only had one last one planned anyway." Well we've spoken about many aspects of the situation as-it-is. What, to you, would a more just policy look like in the Republics?" N: "To put it simply, equality under the law. No preemptive targeting of Ardat-Yakshi based on what we might do, with the monasteries as a strictly voluntary institution. Ardat-Yakshi who have knowingly hurt or murdered people should still be arrested, like any other criminal. Ardat-Yakshi who do not harm others should be treated the same as anyone else. All I ask is that you judge each of us by our own actions, not the actions of others." C:"A fine answer. One I think the vast majority of people can empathize with. I understand. You probably have a schedule to keep. But it's been a pleasure getting to know you some, Nara. I look forward to writing this up." With the interview concluded, I walked away with a few different feelings. I entered the conversation a little nervously. I had no more special knowledge of the AY condition than any other asari out there. Since I’m not a doctor I can’t speak to the accuracy of any of the medical specific claims my guest made. But I felt that her desire to make more information known was genuine. During the conversation there were certainly no feelings of threat or manipulation that I picked up on. And I sympathize greatly with the idea of wanting to be treated the same as everyone else. It was a very interesting conversation; and one that opens a window into a phenomena that is very rarely covered in anything but fiction. I hope you enjoyed the small look into the world of Ardat-Yakshi as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you.

#cdn #cerberus daily news #mass effect #mass effect rp #mass effect news #asari #ardat-yakshi #people #thessia #interview #asari republics #discrimination #health

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randomposterofstuff · 3 years

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Soldiers by Choice - Chapter VI

Author's Note: So, real life has been stressing me out immensely. Lol. And I really wanted to post this chapter as soon as I could, so please forgive me for any mistakes and any other problems. Haha. In any case, I hope that you all like it!

Also available on Archive of Our Own. Check my tumblr page to click on the ‘Archive of Our Own’ tab!

Tumblr Chapters List can be found here.

CHAPTER 6: Reasons and Apologies

Summary: Mikasa and Levi encounter troublesome Military Police officers while doing a supply run. Meanwhile, at the Cadet Corps headquarters, Eren Yeager and Jean Kirstein have another confrontation.

Year 847 (5 months later)

---

“Tch. They’re out of bleach.”

Levi glares at the empty row of shelves where jars of commercial bleach usually would be. A few feet away to his left, Mikasa speaks with the shop owner.

“Mr. Gale, I don’t understand. Section Commander Hange told us that you usually have stocks of everything during this time of the month.”

The Titan-scientist and Moblit were on the supply pick-up rotation for the current month. But since they were away on another observation expedition with the Research division, the task had fallen to the two Ackermans.

Mr. Gale, an aging man in his early 50s, clasps his hands apologetically. “I’m sorry, Captain. But due to some issues with our supplier, we won’t have stocks until next month.”

The dark-haired woman sighs at the news. “I see. We will just have to make do with an alternative and the other supplies.”

After a few more words and apologetic gestures from the shop owner, she approaches her co-captain, who is still glowering at the vacant racks.

“They won’t restock until next month.”

His frown deepens. “How the hell are we supposed to properly clean without bleach?”

Mikasa cracks a small smile at his displeasure over the absence of the cleaning agent. In the back of her mind, she muses that even after three years of working together, she still finds his pseudo-obsession with cleanliness to be comical to the point of disbelief.

“We can make our own cleaning formula.” She says. “The store has the necessary ingredients, and the budget is enough to cover them.”

The tautness in his jaw relents at this. “You know how to make bleach?”

She nods. “I do. My mother created her own cleanser. The employees at our estate use it.”

His eyebrows raise in mild surprise. “I didn’t know the Azumabitos also dealt in the cleaning business.” He remarks wryly.

She shifts her eyes from side to side before taking a step closer. "It's a closely guarded family secret." She whispers mock-conspiratorially.

He smirks. “Your secret is safe with me.” He speaks in a similarly hushed tone, and she mirrors his smirk.

---

After perusing the store for the needed ingredients, the two officers help the elderly shop owner place all their purchased supplies in eight wooden crates.

“That’s everything.” Mr. Gale comments as he places the lid on the final crate. “I’ll call my boys to help you load them on your cart.”

“There’s no need for that.” Levi says, already readying himself to lift some of the boxes. “We can handle it.”

The proprietor laughs good-naturedly. "Come now, Captain Levi. I know that you’re ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier’ and that Captain Mikasa is the ‘Woman Worth a Hundred Soldiers”, but you can’t rea---”

He cuts himself off when the two Ackermans each lift four boxes with little effort.

Mikasa shifts the crates so that she faces the shop owner properly. "Mr. Gale, you've already received the payment from our budgetary officer, correct?"

The older man merely nods, his mouth still agape in shock at the display of inhuman strength.

“We’ll be on our way, then. Thanks, old man.” Levi states, unfazed by the reaction.

The warm afternoon sun greets them as they exit the shop. The commercial area of Trost is filled with chatter from the mass of patrons. Due to the crowded streets, they had to leave their wagon at a fairly secluded area some ways away from the store.

When they finally arrive at where they parked, the crowd has thinned considerably. The few people there are either entering or exiting the complex. The two are in the process of loading the crates onto the cart when they hear the sound of glass breaking, followed by a frightened yell to their right.

They turn their heads to the source see to see a small saloon. One of its front windows is covered by pull-down drapes, while the other one is unobscured. Through the glass of the second one, the co-captains see a middle-aged man and woman, presumably the owners, anxiously speaking to two Military Police officers.

“Whaddaya mean we have to pay?” An MP with light hair slurs loudly while gripping a long-necked bottle.

The woman, who looks to be in her early 40s, attempts to explain. “Sir, you’ve consumed more than two bottles already.” She says, wringing her hands together nervously. “And our store ---”

“Blah!” The other MP, a man with darker hair, sways as he unslings his rifle from his shoulder. Both the woman and her partner take a step back, visibly terrified. “We serve the kingdom!” He yells. “You lot should be grateful! Besides, your stuff tastes like shit!"

He unsteadily aims his rifle at a row of bottles behind the counter while his companion laughs. “You’re right, Ricky!” He shouts, smashing the bottle he was holding against the floor.

The one called Ricky guffaws. "Damn right, I'm right, George!" Slightly swaying, he disengages the safety lock. “I’ve been wanting to try this beauty out! They say this thing can shoot 15 bullets in a row after just one click!” Just as he is about to place his finger on the trigger, he is suddenly struck across the head. The impact of the attack causes him to drop his weapon.

“Ricky!” George makes to unsling his own rifle but barely has time to react before a heavy boot hits him in the stomach. He faintly registers his gun being snatched from him before he is thrown across the room and roughly crashes onto a table and some chairs. One second later, Ricky lands beside him with a loud thud.

They both groan for a moment before raising their heads and seeing the profiles of two other soldiers in the area where they had been standing before. “Hey!” George yells while unsteadily getting up. “What gives?!” He demands, face flushed with both embarrassment and alcohol. “Who are you anyway?!” He trains his glazed-over beady eyes at their assailants.

Levi narrows his eyes, not the least bit intimidated. “You were harassing innocent civilians.” He crosses his arms, leveling him with a look of disdain. "Taxpayer money is wasted on pigs like you.”

“They’re from the Survey Corps!” Ricky exclaims, pointing to the Wings of Freedom on the fronts of their jackets. “You two have got some nerve!” He glares, eyes glassy with inebriation. “Accusing us of wasting taxpayer money when you ---”

Mikasa quietly raises his rifle at him, causing him to cut himself short. Both MPs freeze at the movement.

“P—put that down and g—give it back!” Ricky demands, voice shaking.

Mikasa shifts her gaze from the anxious Military Police officers and to the firearm in her hands. She examines its long sleek frame and swipes her thumb over the grip.

“It saddens me to see that my father’s guns were used to frighten defenseless civilians.” She comments out loud, her tone a cross between pensive and disappointed.

George’s brows scrunch up in confusion at her statement. “Huh?!” The two MPs look at her dumbly, trying to comprehend the meaning behinds her words.

Meanwhile, Levi picks up the second rifle from the floor, ignoring the whimpers from the two pigs. He feels the gun's weight in his hands and notes that it is light compared to other models. He then places his thumb on the butt of the rifle and runs it over the engraved encircled cursive 'A' which serves as the insignia of Lord Mikhail Ackerman's gun manufacturing company. He muses that the emblem looks similar to the Azumabito clan symbol on the inside of Mikasa’s wrist.

“If it’s any consolation,” he begins, still looking at the rifle, “I think that your father did a great job with this gun, Mikasa.” He remarks almost idly.

“Thanks, Levi.”

“Levi? Mikasa?” George repeats their names, a hint of recognition in their slurred tone. “Mikasa… Mikhail A—“. Shock settles on his features as they finally connect the dots. His eyes further widen in realization when they shift to Levi. “… Ackerman.”

“You’re Levi and Mikasa Ackerman!” George exclaims, lips trembling. At his exclamation, Ricky’s mouth drops open as sweat starts to form on his brow. The two men nervously shift their eyes between the co-captains – panic and recognition clearing away the drink-induced glazes in their eyes.

“I mean, my lord and lady!” George suddenly bows at the waist. His companion scrambles to do the same. “Our apologies! We didn’t recognize you!”

Levi’s jaw clenches at their sycophantic gesture. “Tch. Do not call us those.” He hisses. “And quit your groveling.”

They straighten themselves instantly at the vitriol in his voice. “My lord?” One of them squeaks.

Mikasa takes a sharp breath. “We’re not at the royal court.” She states, an edge to her voice. “Furthermore, we’re acting in our capacities as officers of the Survey Corps. So, if you’re going to address us, do so accordingly.”

“Yes, my la---, I mean, Captain!” The same MP yelps. “We’re sorry!”

Mikasa narrows her eyes, clearly unimpressed. “You’re clearly not genuine.” She speaks coldly. “And it appears that the likes of you get your bravado from carrying my father’s guns. Perhaps I should tell him to terminate his weapons provision contract with the Military Police.”

“Please don’t!” They both plead simultaneously, alarm in their voices. Clearly frightened of the consequences should they be the cause of the loss of the contract. “This won’t happen again!”

The disdain in her dark grey eyes indicates that she is not convinced. “I don’t believe you.” Mikasa then grips that rifle’s ammunition magazine. “So, I’m going to take these.”

Following her lead, Levi makes to do the same with the rifle in his hands. “I’ll take care of this one.”

Once he’s done, Mikasa holds out a hand, and he gives her the second rifle. She throws the weapons at the feet of the two MPs. “Take those and leave.” She commands, voice near imperious. “And don’t forget to put your payment on the counter.”

The two men do as they are told. They wordlessly take the ammo-less rifles and practically empty their wallets onto the counter before leaving the saloon with their heads bowed.

Once they were out of sight, the two Ackermans turn to the shop owners, who had been silently watching the exchange from the sidelines with bated breath.

“We’re not from the Military Police.” Levi states plainly. “But all the same, we’re sorry for the trouble they caused.”

The middle-aged man shakes himself from his daze. “Oh, please! You have nothing to apologize for!” He says, a nervous but sincere smile on his face. “In fact, my wife and I should thank you, my lord and lady!” His eyes then widen at his slip of tongue. “I’m sorry, I mean---”

Mikasa raises her hands in a calming gesture. “It’s alright.” She assures him with a smile.

The man’s tension eases, relieved at her assurance.

“Thank you so much, Captains.” His wife steps forward, wearing a bright and grateful smile. “May we offer you something to eat and drink?”

“Oh, we ---” Mikasa begins, about to politely decline.

“It’s on the house!” The husband insists. “It’s the least that we could do for you! We insist.”

Mikasa observes their smiling and amiable expressions before turning to Levi. She lifts her brows, and he gives a slight shrug before taking out his pocket watch.

“I suppose we have time before we need to get back to headquarters.” He comments.

The shop owners beam at the response. “Wonderful! I’m Tim Briles, by the way, and this is my wife, Frances." Tim introduces himself and his wife. “Please, have a seat. The menu is by the counter. Order anything you want!”

"Sure." Levi replies, and he turns towards the turned-over tables and chairs. “I’ll fix the tables and chairs. I’ll have what you’re having.”

“Noted." Mikasa states as she makes her way to the counter. She peruses the menu and, after a minute of deliberating, settles on a sandwich platter and chamomile tea. She vaguely wonders if the tea selection is meant for customers with hangovers.

After an enthusiastic Frances takes their order, she makes her way to Levi, who has just finished righting the disarray of furniture. As she approaches, her co-captain suddenly pulls out a chair and gestures for her to sit.

Mikasa looks at him questioningly, and he tilts his head towards the offered chair.

She decides to play along. “How very gentlemanly of you.” She jests, voice half-coquettish as she moves to sit.

“Only for you, my lady.” He drawls as he pushes the chair in for her.

They both snicker at the mocking references to their noble backgrounds.

“So, what are we having?” He asks as he sits from across her.

“Tea and sandwiches.” He raised a brow at ‘tea’, and she smiles. "I know; I was also surprised to see it on the menu.”

Levi hums. “In any case, it’s too early for liquor.”

A few minutes pass, and Frances approaches their table with their food and drinks. “Here are your orders. Enjoy!”

The co-captains both thank the female shop owner, and they split the sandwiches and tea between themselves.

Comfortable silence ensues as they eat their sandwiches. Levi muses that the saloon’s turkey sandwich is quite good. He takes a look at the sandwich in Mikasa’s hand and deduces from the green poking out from the bread that it’s full of vegetables.

After he finishes his food and begins stirring his tea, a random realization suddenly occurs to him.

“Something wrong?” Mikasa asks, noticing the contemplative furrow of his brow.

“No.” He replies, taking out the spoon from his cup and gripping it by the rim. “It’s just that I realized you actually used the ‘I’m going to tell my daddy’ card.”

Mikasa blinks at the remark. A beat of silence passes before she bursts into laughter.

Her shoulders slightly shake as hearty chuckles flow from her. She laughs in earnest at the absurdity and the truth of the statement.

Levi’s lips curve upwards at her open display of mirth, observing how her usually stern eyes crinkle at the corners and how genuine joy shines through her typically reserved expression.

“I’m sorry.” Mikasa says, still giggling as she adjusts her cravat around her neck. “You’re right, but it’s just so ridiculous.” She remarks, her smile wide. “Come to think of it, I’ve never used it before.” She muses out loud, her lips still twitching.

“At least you used it for a good cause.” He quips, sharing in her amusement.

She chortles at his joke. He also lets out an amused sound.

She eventually sobers down, though a small smile still remains on her lips.

But after a moment, her eyes suddenly become downcast, and her smile disappears.

Levi frowns in concern at the abrupt change in her demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

She takes a breath before directing her gaze towards the afternoon sky beyond the saloon’s window.

“Moments like this…” she speaks quietly as she raises her hand to gesture at their light-hearted conversation, “…don’t come by often.” A sad gleam then enters her eyes. “In a way, it’s… sort of unsettling.”

Levi’s lips press into a firm line at the reality of her words. Every soldier in the Survey Corps knows that every encounter with the Titans could be their very last. Danger, risk, and bloodshed are their constant companions. And the absences of the comrades lost will always be felt by those who live to join the next expedition.

The survivors know that it is their duty to honor the sacrifices of the fallen by carrying on with their mission. Yet, this knowledge hangs heavy over the heads of those who remain standing.

“I know what you mean.” He says, voice solemn. “Enjoying a moment of peace can be hard sometimes, considering the things we go through.”

They remain quiet for a while, the atmosphere suddenly tenser. Mikasa closes her eyes and sighs before speaking again.

“Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like right now if I had stayed in the Capital or joined the clan’s Elite Royal Company.” She stares intently into her cup of tea, wistfulness underlying her tone. “I would probably be promenading with the other nobles in the parks. Or patrolling the grounds at the Fritz castle. Either way, my life would be simpler and less daunting."

A flash of resolve then enters her gaze. “But I already made my choice a long time ago.” She declares with a quiet certainty in her words. “And I’ve chosen to be a soldier for the Survey Corps.”

Levi quietly observes her profile. She sits with the graceful posture of a noble lady – a result of her upbringing. But her shoulders are squared with a soldier’s discipline. She holds her teacup delicately, but her fingers are calloused from years of wielding blades. Had she chosen differently, she could have been a socialite hostess.

The passing thought then prompts a question. “Why didyou join the Survey Corps in the first place?”

Mikasa half-smiles at that. It was a question she was often asked – the daughter of a noble joining any of the military branches was unheard of. Although, she never divulged anything apart from saying that she merely wanted to.

“I could ask you the same question, Levi.” She prompts back.

For all his fame, no one has ever known of his reason for joining the Survey Corps. Not surprising, since he would always brush off anyone who asks by telling them that it’s none of their damn business.

But Levi decides that he wouldn’t mind making an exception for her. “I’ll share if you share.”

Mikasa hums as if contemplating the proposition. “Fair enough.”

A moment passes before she continues. “I joined because of my Asian heritage.”

He raises a brow in confusion. But stays silent and waits for her to elaborate.

“The Azumabitos are the last Asians in the world.” She explains. “Our clan’s records state that our ancestors’ homeland, Asia, was full of rare creatures and mysterious fauna. Unfortunately, just like every other continent, it was invaded along with the rest of humanity by the Titans.”

“My parents gave me everything I needed while growing up. But they taught me that if I wanted something, then I should work to earn it.” Mikasa pauses as her lips twist wryly. “And since I wanted to see the roots of my Asian heritage, I decided as a child that I would join the Survey Corps to help eradicate the Titans.”

“It’s silly.” She remarks, more to herself, amused at her younger self’s reason. “But it’s what prompted me to enlist.”

Her expression then becomes more pensive, and she redirects her gaze to the table between them. “But after my first expedition, I realized that there are things which are bigger than my wants. I suppose you could say that it opened my eyes. Seeing first-hand the dangers and struggles made me understand the weight of the Corps’ mission.”

She looks up at him again. “I still want to see Asia…” she admits with a bashful look. “… and if we can eradicate the Titans during my lifetime, then I’ll be to do that.”

“But even if that won’t happen, I won’t have any regrets about joining the Survey Corps.”

With that, she concludes her piece. Levi remains quiet for a moment, feeling astounded and moved at the revelation.

“I’m glad that you joined, Mikasa.” He says softly.

She smiles at his remark. “Thank you for saying that.” A tinge of levity then enters her dark orbs. “Now, I believe it’s your turn to share.”

Levi tsks, but there’s mirth in the slight quirk of his mouth. “I suppose a deal’s a deal.”

He swirls the contents of his teacup before speaking. “When I was a kid, my great grandfather would always preach about upholding the clan’s tradition of being the Crown’s ‘Sword and Shield’.” He drawls out the last two words.

“Just like you and everyone else in our clan, I was trained to be the best fighter possible – because, of course, the royal family only expects the best to protect it.” He pauses to take a drink.

“Sure, it’s natural for the royal family to have protection.” He concedes. “But our clan’s talents are being wasted. The biggest threats are out there beyond the Walls, and our clansmen use their many years of special training to deal with problems that the Military Police pigs are supposed to handle.”

Levi lifts his gaze to hers. "So, I said to myself, ‘to hell with tradition’.”

She lets out a small laugh. “Of course, you would say something like that.”

He smirks before taking another sip. “So, I decided to enlist in the Survey Corps. Thankfully, my uncle became head of the clan even before my rite of passage. And since he isn’t as uptight and prissy as my great grandfather was, he let me go without much of a fuss. I wanted to put my skills to better use. And what better way to use them than to reclaim the lands stolen by the Titans from humanity?”

“And after everything I’ve seen…” he trails off, a more somber and pensive look in his eyes as he stares at his cup, “…I’m now surer than ever that I made the right choice.”

A quiet second passes before Mikasa speaks. “That’s very noble of you.” She says, her voice earnest.

Her co-captain snorts out a harsh laugh. “If it were anyone else, I’d say that they were kissing my ass.”

Remembering the incident with the two MPs earlier, she likewise smiles in good humor; his words can’t be any truer.

“But since it’s you…” his harsh smirk morphs into a gentler smile, “… thanks.”

Her smile remains as their eyes meet again.

“You know, it’s odd…” she begins off-handedly, “We’ve known each other for years, but this is the first time we talked about something like this.”

He raises a brow. “Is it? I wasn’t aware that there was a standard timeline for sharing things.”

Another light laugh escapes her, and Mikasa wonders if Levi realizes how humorous he can be at times.

---

Chatter fills the air of the communal dining hall of the Southern Division’s Cadet Corps Headquarters – with the main source of noise and talk being the long dining table where Eren Yeager sits with his friends.

“Eren, what you did was really cool!”

“Yeah, I don’t think that anyone else here would’ve been able to do that!”

From his seat at another table at the far right of the hall, Jean Kirstein watches as several trainees crowd around Yeager and pay him compliments for his incredible feat earlier this morning.

Connie sits across the green-eyed recruit with a wide grin on his face. “Eren, you were amazing earlier!” He exclaims. “Being able to balance yourself using defective equipment was incredible!”

Beside him, Sasha nods enthusiastically as she munches on a loaf of bread. She smiles broadly after gulping down her food. "You really did well, all things considered!" She exclaims while not so discreetly trying to take Connie's bread from his plate.

The shaved-headed boy snatches her wrist before she could lift the loaf to her mouth. “Oh, come on! You haven’t even finished your own bread!” He grumbles, exasperated as Sasha strains against his grip.

Eren chuckles at the display before scratching the back of his head with a sheepish expression. Even so, his green eyes seem to glow with pride and appreciation. “Thanks, guys.”

“Congratulations on a job well done, Eren.” Christa speaks from amongst the group that congregated around the table. “Your determination paid off.”

Eren's cheeks redden slightly at her smile. "Thanks, Christa. But I can't take all of the credit. Armin here gave me pointers, and Reiner and Betholdt told me to keep calm and not to give up." He then turns to the male blonde seated next to him. "Isn't that right, buddy?"

Armin’s lips quirk upwards. “It’s true that you got help, but all the work was you.”

“Armin’s right.” Reiner’s deep voice resounds from one side of the crowd. To his left, Bertholdt silently watches the interactions with a small smile. “At the end of the day, you were the one ultimately responsible for your success.”

Jean watches as more trainees give the brunette praises for his resolve and performance. It isn’t until he feels something nudge him in the side that he turns away.

“Just talk to him already.” Marco urges with a knowing look.

Jean scoffs at the comment. “Talk to Yeager? About what?”

Marco simply gives him a half-amused and half-exasperated smile. “You know what I mean.” He then picks up his glass of water. “It’s good that you want to apologize. It’s a mature thing to do.” He says before taking a drink.

Jean grumbles something unintelligible as he observes the sky through an open window. The last rays of sunlight are starting to fade behind the darkening sky. He can see some of their Commandant's assistant officers patrolling the grounds and inspecting the outdoor training equipment to ensure they're still working properly.

As his gaze lands on the row of 3DM gear simulators, Jean recalls how he, along with nearly everyone, laughed at Eren when he failed to steady himself using 3DM gear during his first attempt. He also remembers snidely commenting that Yeager was just "all talk and no bite" and how he brushed him off when he asked for pointers to improve.

Jean then sighs before getting up and walking over to the green-eyed recruit’s table.

---

Armin and Eren were in the middle of speaking with fellow recruits when the blonde sees Jean walking up to their table.

“Uhh… Eren?” He taps his friend on the shoulder.

At the prodding, Eren turns away from Mina and Thomas, who were standing behind him. His eyes narrow at the sight of Jean standing behind the other recruits surrounding their table. “What do you want, horse face?”

The entire room goes silent as everyone turns to Jean. The man in question averts his gaze as his cheeks flush at suddenly being the center of attention.

He stays silent for a moment before speaking. “I’m not here to fight.” He then finally raises his gaze to look at Eren. The crowd parts as he moves closer to the table.

Armin notes the sudden tension in the air as his childhood best friend stares at Jean with a cautious look – he deduces that Eren is not entirely convinced that Kirstein came in peace.

Jean halts when he’s near the edge of their table, just a couple of feet from where Eren sits. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“I’ll be honest. I still think that going after Titans is stupidly dangerous.”

Eren's eyes further narrow at the remark. He rises to his feet, but Armin pulls at his arm before he can move towards Jean. "Hear him out first.” The blonde half-pleads.

Eren frowns but nonetheless sits back down. His eyes are still trained on Kirstein, who instinctively took a step back at his abrupt movement.

Jean takes another breath before continuing. “But I now get how serious you are.” He admits, voice quiet but clear. “You have real resolve, and I respect that. And I’m…” He pauses, his pride momentarily stifling his next words.

“… I’m sorry for making fun of you before.”

Some trainees gasp lightly while some simply stare – all surprised at his gesture. Armin sees that even Connie and Sasha have paused their food-related grappling to gawk at Jean. The blonde also quietly muses that the entire room probably half-expected another fight to erupt between the two boys. All eyes are now trained on Eren, who looks astounded with his eyes widened and mouth slightly agape.

Armin then lightly nudges his friend’s shoulder. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”

The question shakes the green-eyed trainee from his stupor. He blinks once before rising to stand – more calmly, Armin notes approvingly.

“Thanks, Jean.” The hardened look in his gaze is now gone. “I appreciate you saying that. Apology accepted.” He says with a small smile.

“And for what it’s worth…” Eren trails off as his eyes dart downwards, a hint of shame in them, “… I shouldn’t have scoffed at you for wanting to go into the Interior. After all, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be safe.”

He then looks directly at Jean again. “So, I guess I also owe you an apology.” He admits with a half-smile, hoping that it would lighten the mood.

It seems to have worked as Kirstein offers him a smile. “Glad to know that you can see things my way, Yeager.”

Eren grins more naturally at the response. “So… friends?” He asks, voice tentative as he holds out his hand.

Jean looks at the offered hand in surprise for a moment before observing the other boy’s expression. There’s a mix of uncertainty and apprehension in his countenance – possibly wary of how he would respond. But the look in Yeager’s eyes tells him that the offer of friendship is genuine.

He eventually grasps the hand offered to him. “Friends.” He says while giving it a firm shake.

There’s a smattering of applause as the crowd gives a slight cheer at the show of camaraderie. Armin especially claps heartily at the sight of the usually hot-headed Eren making peace with Jean even as he hears Connie yelp when Sasha takes advantage of the distraction to take a massive bite from the Springer boy’s loaf.

“Well, it’s nice that we’re all finally getting along.” Marco comments with a smile from the sidelines, hands still pressed together from clapping.

Jean sends a slightly annoyed look at Marco, who only continues to smile in return.

---

End Note: So, the 104th gang finally appears! Since Mikasa is a veteran in this story, I wanted to play a little with the dynamics of the 104th's relationships with one another. On this, I wanted Eren and Jean to have a friendlier relationship in this story than in canon. I hope that I was able to execute this idea (as well as all my other ideas) properly. Lol.

In any case, let me know what you think! Critiques and comments are most welcome!

#rivamika #levimika #levi x mikasa

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siennahrobek · 3 years

Text

“He’s holding me back,” Anakin snarled as Obi-Wan carefully paced a cup of steaming tea in front of him. He had come to the older master quite readily after he and Qui-Gon had joined their crew. Getting picked up by a fleet of venator class destroyers could either be incredibly embarrassing or quite impressive. Obi-Wan isn’t entirely sure which Anakin thinks. He had steeped Anakin something sweet and calming; exactly what the young knight needed. It was pretty much what he needed all the time, to be honest. The boy had more than just a bit of a temper.

Being around Qui-Gon Jinn didn’t exactly help.

The man rather indulged him.

Obi-Wan shrugged as he sat down on the opposite side of the thin table, shifting the cup towards Anakin and pulling his own closer. He made direct eye contact as he took a sip. Usually, it would prompt Anakin to do the same. In the company of certain people, Anakin sometimes mirrored others’ actions. Obi-Wan was one of those people. “Perhaps. But you are no longer a padawan. A knight in your own right,” he assured gently. He honestly doubted that Qui-Gon was actually holding Anakin back; Obi-Wan was fairly certain no one could really hold him back.

Sometimes however, he could be convinced to step back once in a while. It was a rare occurrence, but it had happened before.

“He’s jealous of my power,” Anakin snapped, nearly cracking the mug his fingers were laced around. Obi-Wan gently put a hand over his to stop it and pull it away. Anakin’s fingers were trembling in the jedi’s own and Obi-Wan gave a gentle, assuring squeeze before he pushed the mug a little further into Anakin’s purview.

In the end, Obi-Wan had actually snorted. The concept was rather ridiculous, his master being anything of the sort. Anakin was thinking things, perhaps even told things like this, but it couldn’t be the truth. “Doubtfully,” he muttered, something low but able for the younger man to hear rather clearly. He cleared his voice to continue. “Qui-Gon Jinn isn’t jealous of anyone, least of all you, Anakin. Take a sip, you will feel better.”

He hesitated but Anakin did so, mirroring Obi-Wan. They drank in silence, but the air was turning more comfortable. Tension bled from his shoulders as they released, and he slumped down a little bit. Anakin’s temper always seemed to be running high these days and Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if he could help in a way that Anakin really needed. He only, currently, had momentarily solutions to a bigger issue.

“A bit better?” he asked. He knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Anakin admitted begrudgingly with a sigh, shaking his head. He glanced over down below the balcony and then back at Obi-Wan, something sad but fiery in his eyes. It was a rather strange combination, Obi-Wan had to admit. “I should be out here, with you. In the war. Fighting.”

“It is not as glamorous as you are thinking it is,” the older jedi just hummed, taking a sip of his own tea and once again, Anakin took his own sip. He wondered if the younger man realized what he did.

“I know that.”

“You don’t,” Obi-Wan refuted but it was kind and patient, shooting a look to project that when Anakin stared at him, a bit angry at his counter. He didn’t like people contradicting him or telling him what he knew. Usually he wouldn’t, but Obi-Wan knew that Anakin had no idea what war was actually like. Not like this. Obi-Wan just tried to keep himself as serene and enduring as ever, to deal with Anakin’s irritated and frustrated disagreements. “I would not expect you too, either. Master Jinn is right about one thing, we shouldn’t be fighting a war.”

“You agree with him?” Anakin sputtered, surprised. The concept was befuddling to him and Obi-Wan wondered what exactly he knew about the war. Master Jinn was certainly not favorable; he couldn’t imagine the older master saying anything nice about it. Perhaps he even spun falsehoods. “Then why do you?” Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan looked over the ledge that sat about the rest of the mess hall, off to the side. Down below them was the rest of the mess hall and cafeteria, littered and crawling with troopers. Obi-Wan could feel them, he could always feel them. They filled him with such warmth and care, it made it just a bit easier to get up each morning and fight in a war that he could not stand being in. Yes, it was to protect innocents, but he reminded himself everyday that he could do what he had to protect as many as them as well. “Reach out and tell me what you feel,” he added. It was more of a suggestion than a demand but rarely did Anakin see that kind of difference.

Anakin sighed and rolled his eyes, staring at him intently. “You are not my master, Obi-Wan.” This much was true. Anakin was a knight, he no longer needed – or wanted for that matter – a master telling him what to do, but Obi-Wan had a point. At his core, he always knew he would be a bit of a teacher. He always had a point.

“Humor me,” Obi-Wan glanced at him with a kind smile.

The younger man just sighed again, loud and dramatic, and eventually complied. He looked over, beyond the railing, down in the large room that harbored so many soldiers. Some of them were in their amor uniform, usually sans helmet and others in blacks. Officers had their own uniforms that they were hardly out of, whether they were clone or not. A minute passed. Two.

Obi-Wan just waited patiently.

But then. “What do you feel?”

“They are warm,” Anakin acknowledged, his voice starting to soften, just as Obi-Wan spotted his eyes doing the same. “Brighter than I expected them to be. “They are strong, loyal, determined. Doing their best and being their best. They care about one another such certainty and persistence.” His smile was gentle and kind, lacking the fiery passion that usually inhabited him.

He could make friends here, Obi-Wan thought.

But Obi-Wan just nodded and Anakin looked back at him. He was still in a bit of a daze, probably from seeing and feeling all that warmth and light, but he was still listening, probably expecting Obi-Wan to tell him his point for the exercise. Whether or not Obi-Wan would say anything, he knew that Anakin didn’t quite regret what the older master had asked of him. “They are living and breathing beings. Sentients with hopes and dreams, whether they admit it or not. Whether they consciously know it or not,” he started. Many times, had he heard that the soldiers only dreamed of the survival of themselves and their brothers from one day to the next and didn’t think of the future that they may have afterwards. Although Obi-Wan believed them, when they said such things, he also thought they had subconscious desires and dreams for that future. Hopes for it. Even if they hadn’t been able to quite realize them yet. He truly hoped he could help them get to that point.

“I know they are,” Anakin added quietly, staring down at his tea before taking a small sip, unprompted. Obi-Wan counted it as a win. It was hard enough for Anakin to drink tea, even when he knew it helped him.

“They are a large reason why I do this. Why I must,” Obi-Wan responded, just as soft, staring down at the gently swirling liquid in his cup.

Anakin glanced up at him, his head turning a bit. “What do you mean?”

Obi-Wan pointed to the corner of the mess hall, a small table inhabited by non-clones and non-jedi. There weren’t many of them, but Anakin had a thought that it was rather on purpose. They packed together, rather tightly and did not move away from their specific table, keeping together and not milling with anyone else around. “What do you feel from them?” he asked, a bit abruptly.

Anakin groaned again but it was light and only half-hearted, but did so, taking a breath before letting his eyes sweep over the room and then settle on the table in the corner. He closed his eyes briefly and reached. With a frown, he started to speak, to explain what he felt. It didn’t appear that he liked what he was feeling, what he found in them. “They…aren’t happy. But…not in the sense of war, not in grief or sadness but like, they are dim, displeased, annoyed. They feel…disgust? Indifference?”

Obi-Wan nodded. He had felt it.

“Do they…are their feelings because of the clones?” Anakin asked, startled at the thought and pending realization.

“Sometimes, yes. Those few right there think of the troopers much like the rest of the galaxy sees them. As though they are droids encased in flesh; worthy only to be cannon fodder,” Obi-Wan explain, only sparing those men a quick glance. He looked back at the troopers that made up most of the room and Anakin could feel him softening again.

Anakin’s lip curled as a snarl escaped out. The thought made him angry.

“They do not care so much for casualties, only absolute victory, no matter the cost,” Obi-Wan continued. “If they jedi were not here to use tactics and ideas that wouldn’t decimate the numbers…I imagine it would be much worse,” he sighed, shaking his head with a deepening frown. “The clones are so willing, so eager, so loyal. I do not quite understand how anyone can meet them and not love them.”

“You are trying to save them,” Anakin said and felt pushed around by the appreciation and care for the troopers. It was interesting to feel. Jedi were known for their compassion and kindness, their wiliness to help others, sometimes even at the cost of their own lives, but it felt a bit different with the troopers. Anakin was beginning to understand why the jedi may have chosen to enter the war; if only to try and help in any way they could. There was something different about these beings. Like they were somehow intertwined with the jedi. Made to be friends, to work together, made for one another in a way that was profound, and one Anakin couldn’t quite understand or comprehend in words. He wondered if others had noticed this.

“I am not so naïve to think I can do so,” Obi-Wan replied, breaking through Anakin’s thoughts. “But I want to get at least as many as I can through this war. They…care about us in a way we don’t generally see associated with the jedi. The least we can do is try to get them through this and return the favor the best we can.”

“Do other jedi feel this way?” Anakin hadn’t even realized he had spoke for a moment, verbally saying what he had been thinking just seconds prior. Sometimes he felt so different than others, like he was the only one who could connect on the level that he did. Like he was an exception.

Master Qui-Gon thought he was an exception.

Obi-Wan nodded and there was absolutely no hesitation to it. “Not everyone of course, but most, at the very least. Even if we hadn’t been drafted into the war, I think the Council would have done the same.”

“Drafted?” Anakin blinked.

“Yes.”

“Wait. So, the Order was forced to join the war?” Anakin asked incredulously because…that was not what he had heard. Over a year in and this was the first he had heard of such a thing.

Obi-Wan hesitated, like he wasn’t sure if he should be the one giving this information, like he wasn’t sure if he should be the one having this conversation, but his brows furrowed, and he nodded. “Yes, Anakin,” he replied slowly. He had to be careful with how he spoke. Anakin’s friendship with the leader of the Republic was not exactly a secret and everyone knew how protective Anakin was of his friends. “The Chancellor made it…very clear we did not have much of a choice.”

“Master Qui-Gon said you chose it,” Anakin responded, and he sounded numb, his voice just kind of dropping off in surprise.

You, Obi-Wan mused with darkening thoughts. Had Qui-Gon meant Obi-Wanspecifically chose this or was Qui-Gon distancing himself from the jedi already? Had his old master turned Anakin against the jedi; made him see himself an exception for everything? Chosen one or not, Anakin was a jedi. That was not to change unless Anakin chose to change it. But one could not continue to truly be a jedi if they thought of themselves as exceptions to the rules, to the guidelines, to the faith of their culture.

“No, Anakin,” his voice came out nearly as a croak. “The Order was drafted.”

“But Master Jinn…” Anakin drifted off, staring down at his tea. There was barely any of it left. “If the Jedi were drafted, not everyone is involved. Master Jinn, he…he’s not a part of it.”

“We found a loophole for him,” Obi-Wan confessed and it felt a bit different when he spoke it. He found a loophole for his former master; to ease the mess. He couldn’t imagine what Qui-Gon would have done or said if they hadn’t kept him out of it. Whether or not it was the right choice, Obi-Wan knew, even if they could get Qui-Gon to work within the confines of the war, he would almost certainly have become Obi-Wan’s problem. And Obi-Wan dealt with his old master enough as it was. “He was rather vehement in his stance on the war, so we claimed his injury and ability would make quote useless on the battle field,” he explained.

“His injury?” Anakin echoed.

“From Naboo.”

Anakin nodded in sudden understanding but his gaze was far off, nearly vacant, like there was something happening in his mind, wheels turning that not even Obi-Wan could fathom or comprehend. “I guess that is smart. He wouldn’t have listened anyways,” he confessed. It sounded rather fond, which wasn’t surprising. Anakin’s soft and often blind spot when it came to Master Jinn was always apparent. He loved Master Jinn’s blatant disregard for rules, to follow what he thought and believed was the will of the Force. Whether or not it actually was the Will of the Force, it hardly mattered. It was the will of Qui-Gon Jinn.

Qui-Gon often seemed to believe that he was the only one who really understood the will of the Force.

At this point, everyone was too tired and too busy to even try to argue with him. Not that anyone wanted to argue with him because it never did anything, never got anywhere. One could not change Jinn’s mind, could not shift his perspective or make him think in any other ways.

“Quite,” Obi-Wan agreed.

“I wasn’t forced,” Anakin realized quietly after a long moment of the two sitting in silence, sipping what was left of their tea, not lukewarm. “I wasn’t even asked,” he added.

“That is partially my doing,” Obi-Wan confessed. He knew he would have to have this conversation at some point, and he had been dreading it ever since it had been done.

Anakin surged in anger and Obi-Wan could feel it. It was fairly certain everyone could feel it. The troopers in particular seemed rather sensitive and knowing of a jedi’s moods and projections. “Why?” Anakin demanded. “Did you not think I’d be good enough for-?”

“Anakin, calm down,” Obi-Wan said, quickly slipping in his own before things could get any worse and his projections stronger. “Take a sip of your tea.”

There was not much left but there was enough. Scowling, he complied.

“Qui-Gon was already going to disown me, and I knew how you feel about him, and you were still a padawan at the time…I didn’t want the same to happen to you,” Obi-Wan started. He wasn’t sure how to explain this but he would do his best with what he had on hand.

“I’m not you.”

Ouch, that stung. It was true, of course, in many more ways than Anakin knew, but that hardly made it hurt any less.

“That came out wrong,” Anakin nearly winced.

“You aren’t wrong. You aren’t me,” Obi-Wan said, which, of course, was always true. Lucky him, the master thought. He didn’t say that Qui-Gon loved Anakin in a way that he was still incapable of caring for Obi-Wan. It wasn’t either of their faults and Obi-Wan knew a lot of the blame could be found on Xanatos and the Chosen One prophecy, but that hardly made it any easier to live and deal with. It could very much be exhausting. Anakin didn’t see it, not yet, and Obi-Wan still isn’t entirely sure if he ever would. “But that does not mean he would be happy with it. You know how he feels about the war, about my part in it. About the jedi’s part in it. I didn’t want you to have to go through that. Something even remotely like that. My apologies, I wanted to keep you out of the war best I could. You are so young.”

“I am an adult! A knight!” Anakin’s voice rose into a near screech. So ready, so adamant to prove that he is mature and capable and an adult. Of course, he was capable, but his maturity wasn’t nearly as rounded as he liked to believe, and he often just did not think. He reminded Obi-Wan of Master Jinn this way. It was his way or no way at all. But unlike Master Jinn, at least in the present some of the times, Anakin was also just a bit more inclined to listen to Obi-Wan. Not all the time, of course, because Anakin always thought he was right, but with the right care and nudging and so much patience, Obi-Wan, on occasion, could get through to him on certain subjects.

“Anakin,” he said his name with as much fondness and softness and patience as he could muster. Which, when it came to this boy, was quite a bit. “War is….it is not like any mission you have been on. It is constant and it does not end. There is a goal, but it does not finish there. There is always something else, something so time sensitive. You don’t get to go home after one mission is done, there is always another, linked swinging from one to another. There is so much more violence and death, and it chips off pieces of yourself every moment. It stays with you, long, long after the conflict may be resolved,” he said, and Anakin seemed rather enraptured in what Obi-Wan was saying. He couldn’t understand all of what Obi-Wan was referencing and he wouldn’t understand how this would stay with those who fought in it. Conflict like this, although not to scale, was something Obi-Wan knew, at times, rather intimately. “It is an experience, a pain, a dirt you can never be clean of,” he insisted, swallowing hard. “War is messy, and nothing is so clean cut as people often make it out to be. You keep giving things up; your ability, your mind, your emotions, your morals, your soul, loyalty, trust…. until there is nothing left of you to give. It becomes written in your bones until it is hard to imagine you were anything else. It takes the best things of life, of ourselves, and only gives back the worst and most destructive for us to figure out how to live with.”

#I'm A Boy No I'm A Man #Gotta love them song lyrics #I love Treasure Planet okay?#Anyways #Anakin Skywalker #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Obi Wan Kenobi #clone troopers #au #alternative universe #Qui-Gon Lives #this one isn't super friendly to him #I have others that are #I know #I'm rather strange

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reptilian-with-scalli0ns · 3 years

Text

Wrath

Summary: Roman's been a little upset with recent events

Word Count: 1902

Read on AO3

cws: someone gets beat up, there's a little blood, someone's arm is broken, shouting in all caps, being restrained, being choked, being knocked out

---------------------------------

Janus was waiting, somewhat nervously. He’d noticed that Patton had seemed lonely lately (something that was not his fault and absolutely did not feel guilty over), so he’d invited him for tea. He was waiting in the commons, to prevent any unfortunate interruptions from Remus, or anyone else. He’d even told Remus that his kraken was causing issues in his side of the Imagination, so hopefully that was where he was right now.

He’d just checked the time for about the tenth time in two minutes, when, to his surprise, Roman came striding into the room. He did not look happy.

“You.” Roman strode over, and Janus stood quickly to prevent Roman from towering over him.

“Perhaps it is me, perhaps it isn’t,” said Janus, pretending to examine his fingernails while studying Roman out of the corner of his eye. He looked incensed, and the venom in his voice backed it up. “Maybe I’m actually Remus in disguise-“

“Shut up!” Roman interrupted. “I’m going to be doing the talking this time, snake.”

“You do a remarkable impression of second rate lackey, might I ask the reason-“

“This is all your fault!” Roman slammed Janus into the wall, lifting him by the collar, and Janus finally got a clear view of his eyes. Oh no.

“Roman, wait-“

“NO!” Roman slammed him back again. “Stop TALKING!” Roman’s hands moved to Janus’s throat and he choked, gasping for breath.

“J- Janus?”

Roman turned, furious at the interruption.

Patton gasped. He’d never seen Roman look so… angry. His eyes-

“You know what,” said Roman in a low, dangerous sounding voice. “This is your fault, too.”

Behind him, Janus croaked as Roman’s grip tightened.

“Roman,” Patton said, trying to stay calm, “just let him go, we can talk about it-“

“NO!” Roman screamed, “NO, I’m done listening to either of you! All both of you ever do is manipulate and lie, and I’m DONE!”

Janus tried to push Roman's hands away, but he couldn't move them, and his arms fell to his sides. He weakly hit the wall a few times, then went limp in Roman's grasp. Patton cried out and moved toward Janus but Roman blocked him. He dropped Janus to the floor and turned to Patton.

“Now, both of you are coming with me.”

Roman advanced, and the last thing Patton saw was a flash of orange in his eyes before darkness.

Patton woke up to the sound of crying.

“Roman?” Patton tried to reach out, but found that he couldn’t. His hands were tied tightly behind his back, and attached to the wall somehow, he couldn’t get around to see. Then he remembered what had happened before he’d blacked out. “Janus?!”

There was a groan to Patton’s right. He turned to see Janus in a similar position, with the addition of a cloth gag over his mouth. Patton tried not to freak out.

“Janus, Janus are you are alright?” Janus blinked his eyes open and turned slowly to Patton. He coughed a little, and his breathing sounded a little hoarse, but otherwise he seemed okay.

Patton was pulling on the ropes when he realized that the crying had stopped a while ago. And that Roman was standing just a few feet away.

He was slightly in shadow, even though there was light in the cave looking area they seemed to be in that Patton couldn’t see the source of. He couldn’t see Roman’s face, but he could tell that his eyes were rimmed red, and he still looked incredibly angry. He could see this because even though Roman’s face was in shadow, his eyes were glowing orange.

Janus seemed to notice this too, because he was staring at Roman with something that almost looked like fear, and he started yanking on his bindings desperately. He looked at Patton, and he could see concern and fear in Janus’s eyes, but he didn’t understand. Sure, Roman had never been this upset before, but he was still Roman, right?

“So,” Roman said, still in that low, dangerous tone, and Patton turned back to him. “You think that you can just crush all my dreams and that’ll be it?” He took a step forward, and the light flashed off the sword at his waist. “You think, that you can just puppet me around, hold exactly what I want in front of me, only to turn around and say I can’t have it?”

“Roman,” Patton started, “Let’s just talk-“

“And you!” Roman rushed forward, and suddenly he was in Patton’s face, hands on the wall on either side of his head, shouting. “Stop acting all innocent! This as just as much your fault as that slimy snake’s!”

Patton gasped and pressed himself back against the wall. It was Roman, but it wasn’t Roman at all. His eyes were orange, and there was smoke coming out of his nostrils with every breath, and when Patton tore his gaze away from his eyes, he saw two small red, scaled horns poking up out of his forehead and curling over his hair. He snarled, and Patton saw that his teeth had sharpened, too, before he shoved himself away and turned to Janus, who re-doubled his efforts to get away.

Roman walked over and stopped in front of Janus, staring down at him. Janus looked like he would love nothing more than to sink into the floor and be gone, but that wasn’t working, either, so he was trying his best not to look afraid, determinedly staring Roman in the eye.

“You care about him, don’t you?” said Roman, his voice low again. Patton looked between them, confused and scared. “You care about this sneaking-“ Roman kicked Janus in the chest and Patton cried out, “pathetic-“ he kicked him again, and Janus gasped for breath, “liar-“ he kicked him once more and Janus bent over, wheezing, “more than me, who did nothing but do exactly as you said for years and years.” Roman looked over to Patton, who tried to think of something to say, but nothing came out except a few terrified breaths. Why was Roman doing this? “Because you insisted that you were right, you were always right, and we should all just listen to you, but you were lying,” Roman hissed, and smoke shot from between his teeth.

He turned back to Janus, fists clenched tightly by his sides. His breathing was becoming erratic, and his eyes were getting shiny. “You shouldn’t care.” Roman advanced on Janus, who was just recovering and propping himself back up against the wall. “You should never care, because you’ll just get hurt, right Deceit?” Roman spat.

“Roman, just stop,” Patton cried faintly, leaning as close as he could while being held back by the ropes.

“No.” Roman’s eyes weren’t shiny anymore, just orange. “I won’t stop, until- until you hurt like I did- like I do-“ He punched Janus in the chest, knocking a pained cry out of him, and Patton could see tears leaking out of the corners of Janus’s eyes.

Roman heaved a few breaths in and out, and looked at his hands, which were also becoming covered with red scales, and his nails becoming claw-like. His eyes went wide with a slight panic, and he ran his tongue over his now very sharp teeth. His hands shook as they went up to his forehead to feel the horns, and he took another step back, and Patton’s heart leapt with a bit of hope. Then Roman’s hands came down, no longer shaking.

“This is you too, isn’t it?” He asked Janus, anger wobbling through his voice. “You make me the villain, just because I won’t just roll over and let you trample me anymore!”

He kicked Janus again, then punched him in the shoulder, then the face, and Patton cried and tugged on his bindings fruitlessly. Janus summoned more arms to protect himself, but Roman grabbed his wrists and yanked them out of the way. He knelt over Janus, pinning one arm with his knees and forcing the other against the stone wall. Janus struggled, but he was tied down and Roman was stronger, and he twisted Janus’ arm until Patton heard something crack, and Janus screamed.

Patton’s vision turned orange.

He roared, suddenly several feet taller and no longer bound to the wall, and a long green frog arm swung out and knocked Roman back into the opposite wall, where he fell limp on the ground.

The orange faded and Patton stumbled to his knees, catching himself with one hand.

There was a muffled groan from behind him and he remembered what was happening.

“Janus!” He turned around and looked. Janus had bruises forming on his wrist and darkening ones on his neck from earlier, and Patton was sure there were some on his chest too. He pulled off the gag and Janus coughed, worryingly getting a bit of blood on Patton’s shirt. He inhaled shakily. “Janus, are you okay? What am I saying, of course you’re not, tell me where it hurts, is anything broken-“

“Patton-“ Janus croaked out, leaning against Patton’s shoulder. He was breathing shallowly, and wincing with each breath. “We need to get-“ he coughed again over Patton’s shoulder as he fiddled with the ropes, mindful of Janus’s probably broken arm. “We need to go.”

Patton finished untying the ropes and leaned Janus on him more fully. “Not without Roman,” Patton insisted. “Something was wrong, that couldn’t have been him-“

“And it’s probably still wrong,” said Janus weakly as Patton helped him stand, “I’m fairly certain we’re in the Imagination, he’ll be fine, let’s just go-“

There was a muffled sob from the corner and Patton turned to look. Roman was curled up in a ball, his hand over his mouth and his face covered in tears. The orange eyes were gone, but the scales and horns were still present.

Patton dragged Janus over as he protested weakly.

“Roman-“ Roman flinched and shook his head, pressing further into the corner. “Roman, it’s okay, you’re okay now-“

“No, I’m not, I hurt you, I hurt Janus, and I- I’m,” Roman pulled his hands away from his face and looked at them, trembling. “I’m a monster,” he whispered. Despite his injuries, Janus managed to roll his eyes. Roman growled at him, then immediately looked guilty, whimpering as the horns grew slightly longer.

“Let’s just…” Patton didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t want to leave Roman alone here. “We can deal with it at home, okay? Maybe… maybe it’s just from the Imagination, and it’ll go away?” He put a hand on Roman’s shoulder and Roman put his hands over his face. “Please, let’s just go home, I can’t carry both of you.”

Roman muscles lost some tenseness, but it seemed more out of exhaustion than calm. He nodded shakily and pushed himself up. “I- it’s just the Imagination, we can get to my room from here.” He stood, and Patton started to follow with Janus, but he stumbled, holding his ribs.

“Here,” Janus blinked in surprise as Patton lifted him into a bridal carry, “We can get you better in the Mind Palace, you’ll be alright.”

Janus managed a small smile as he leaned into Patton’s arm.

And Janus was the only one to look back with a grim stare as they left, at the orange glow that stayed in the darkness until after they were gone.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #open ending #sort of #janus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #whump #orange side #rwswriting

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im-thinking-arson · 3 years

Text

Hi wow depression is a hell of a thing.

I'm sorry for the relative silence here, considering everything that has been going on in the last (roughly) year and a half it has been really hard to focus on any creative outlets. Everything has felt pretty heavy as I have been piecing together what exactly happened to myself and the people I used to share a community with.

Although my former FC is basically non-existent at this point, I feel it is appropriate to say that I no longer associate with its' leader @morganaux (sernoudenet on Twitter and formerly here) and to clarify why.

I have been struggling with what to even say about the situation. There are so many layers that I don't honestly know if any single cross-section could explain all there is to unpack. When it takes multiple people six months to explore everything they know as fact... I think that shows its not so much of a 'he said, they said' scenario as the few people who still support Morgy have tried to claim.

I feel guilty not speaking up sooner, considering this person is a member of the FFXIV community who I'm fairly sure some of my mutuals follow. Its so hard to speak out when he publicly acts innocent, like he has quietly moved on and refuses to acknowledge what he's done.

The reality feels so cold in contrast, with the knowledge I have- that he has done this multiple times before, burning down or wearing down those he has hurt with false sincerity; claiming innocence, claiming people misunderstand the significance of the intentions behind the knives in their backs, claiming he is the truest victim of the mess wrought of his own actions.

He quietly retweets fan art, cute animals, head canons, and all kinds of fandom things- but also others' tweets to identify with their own traumas- the same traumatic thoughts and feelings he incites in others through a mixture of gaslighting, lashing out, and playing the victim. He tweets passive aggressively about people he feels the victim of, (justified or not) even amid posts about his dearly beloved OC.

At this point I should just block him and try to scrape all memory of what I went through from my mind, but un-fucking-fortunately I know him too well to believe it's over when it's over. He still makes passive aggressive tweets about people he hasn't talked to in one, two, ?? years, a person who was a good friend to him for 10 years before he scapegoated them to maintain his own sense of righteousness.

Seeing as I witnessed him maintain not one, not two, not three- FOUR venting channels in his own discord, including at one point one specifically made for sh*tting on a single person, defending it's use and encouraging others to participate saying 'this is how victims cope'...

I know it's not over, and if he had a single shred of...anything... He could leverage against me he would have already tried to 'cancel' me. I'm not turning my back again to see if he decides to throw another knife.

For a long time I wanted to believe I had simply misunderstood the situation, that his intentions weren't so self-serving. The more I saw, the more I heard testimony from others that matched my own, the more I began to un-repress and process my own memories and connect the dots... And the less sense his own account made.

While I tried to maintain my friendship with him I ignored all the red flags, my own rise in anxiety, the isolation I felt. I felt so much pressure to fit into his equation, to be a supportive friend, to keep track of how he was feeling that I stopped taking care of my own mental health.

All the while he got angry for people not checking on him when he asked for space, threw a fit when anyone failed to accommodate his whims, and even accused his three closest friends of purposefully excluding him by taking screenshots without him in them or even hanging out together when he was offline..

And he would have people believe that most of the issues he was involved in centered on his friends not communicating with him. But in my case at least, nothing could be further from the truth.

I told him I felt uncomfortable with the fact his (at the time) friend had publicly lashed out at me in his discord server for stating my opinion. He suggested I work harder to befriend this person, that he couldn't and wouldn't approach his friend about it because he wasn't a FC member and only there as a friend of himself and his two closest friends.

He lashed out at a former friend (and FC mate) of mine -on my behalf- because they wouldn't stop messaging me while I was at work... And when this person subsequently put me on blast thinking I had put him up to it I mentioned considering posting my side of the story- to initially be shamed (by the person mentioned above) for suggesting I protect myself, stating it could make things worse for the people who had already publicly attacked this person...

I approached him about another former friend of his angrily ranting about a character I had though at the time they knew I was planning to RP (I had spoken about it both in-game and in a discord we all shared) because I didn't know them well enough to feel comfortable saying that made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in the space. I approached my former friend because I knew from experience he took things like this seriously and he was the one who had invited this character TO role play in the first place.

He reacted by telling this person he had no idea why I was upset, asked them to address an issue they had no context for - prompting them to write an apology, and then reinforced their worry that I hated them by saying I "probably disliked them since [I] hadn't written them an apology" in return. I had thought they both wanted to drop the subject because he stopped responding about the situation.

He decided the situation was resolved and kept inviting us around one another for at least four months while keeping up the illusion that I disliked this person despite me trying to remain friendly- and said nothing about the situation until AFTER he had nuked his FC and almost everyone was done with his bullshit. I had asked him to be honest about the situation and finally got "[name] thinks you dislike him" ???

(I might add more details about these situations because it's honestly much more of a mess than it might seem, but I'd probably have to write a fucking book to explain everything well in-sequence of events.)

But those examples aside, I told him up front that the favoritism he showed and my concerns being glossed over was messing with my head, that I didn't know if I felt safe in his FC, that the whole situation was making me feel like I was losing my grip on reality, that at one point feeling like I was being discouraged from defending myself was beginning to make me feel su*cidal. These are things he knew.

He reacted to this ignoring both cause and effect, ignoring me unless I reached out first or it concerned RP, continually inviting me to hang out with people he knew I felt uncomfortable with (or vice versa) and normally turning down anything I invited him to do otherwise- including several times that I offered to help him with Eden or dungeons he wanted to farm when he previously said he was free to do so. A couple of times he declined saying he was waiting to see if he could convince another friend... and then threw a fit about 'no one wanting to help him' despite declining my offer and not reaching out to me after his other friend declined (I was still online but he decided to vent on discord instead).

Behind my back he talked shit about me, enough that someone who had known him 10 years and was familiar with his behavioral patterns qualified it 'constant' bashing, whenever I came up in conversation. And even included confronting me about the three situations I mentioned above in a plan he was working on to 'fix' his FC, as if he thought I was reaching out to him to stir up drama.

Eventually it came out that the friend I mentioned in the first example was emotionally abusing his friends (and I found out later told him two of them were talking shit about him- prompting HIM to lash out at them). One of them mentioned that person had still been talking shit about me 6 months later on a private account and when I got upset that THREE people I had thought were my friends didn't tell me, I made a few jokes in poor taste (that I do now regret) about the situation to try and prevent myself from having a mental break down.

The person he led to believe I hated left the discord server at that point and he decided to divert some of the blame for (in his words) 'being worried for this person's life' -whom he had attacked over the situation- to me... blaming them leaving and him having trouble contacting them on me.

I told him if this former friend was indeed attacking people and he was so worried we needed to talk about the situation, since in other situations his response was to ignore the hurt caused. He blew up about me messaging him at work, he blamed me for every situation I had brought to his attention. He went to his mods to rant about me and sent one of them to scope out the situation in hopes they could shut me up.

This is the friend of 10 years, who quickly became concerned and not for the reasons he had hoped. They shared a few screenshots of things said to gaslight me behind my back as the conversation progressed. Eventually the other mod jumped in and, knowingly or not proceeded to gaslight me FOR him, based on what they were told. By him.

They reinforced everything he was saying in guise of a neutral perspective and my efforts to prevent a full-scale breakdown failed. I lost all grip on reality for several days- in which at some point I wrote an apology to him for accusing him of several things that were later proven true- and one thing he, himself, proved he'd lied about to the other person involved.

I spent almost two weeks in a self-imposed social break to sort everything out and attempt to cope with what I was told was reality. I fell into the deepest depression I've been in since I had to run away from home, and honestly if it wasn't for my wonderful SO and our house mates, I might have really hurt myself.

It turns out another situation had been brewing parallel to my own. People had been coming to the social mod, the friend of 10 years, with their own worries about him. Almost every. Single. Member. Including at least four people who came forward with fears that if they did a single thing that he interpreted as an insult or threat they would find themselves exiled, called out, and ranted about in a jumbled mix of truth and fictional-malice until their own friends turned on them to support his victim complex.

These four people came forward on the condition that their names be kept anonymous to protect their identity. He didn't take kindly to this, quickly demanding names so they (his mod team) could handle the situation. The mod refused, knowing he has a history of lashing out at any criticism against him and to protect those who were already afraid of bringing the problems up to Morgy.

He reacted by lashing out at this person, claiming they ruined his life, and attempting to weed out those who had spoken out against him by kicking anyone he didn't feel 'safe' being around from his FC. He posted a message in his FC discord about resuming his 'reign of terror'... Which, even if it was a joke, was in in poor taste after pruning his FC of anyone he didn't think could be convinced of his 'good intentions.'

I missed this first culling of his FC members, I assume, because I had apologized and at the time submitted to his version of events. He approached me soon after I noticed the changes in the discord and FC roster; claiming he really wanted to work things out and remain friends- going as far as to say he was so nervous about my reaction that he was shaking.

I wanted to take him at face value despite everything that happened because yeah, I did want to believe he was sincere, that he was a good friend, and that all of it had been an unfortunate misunderstanding. And at first I did until I started talking to other people who knew him and getting their side of the story. Nothing he said added up. Between first-hand testimony and over a hundred screenshots from multiple people the ONLY things that were clear and consistent were that he lied and fit his narrative to whatever he wanted to achieve.

He tried to reduce conflict by omitting information, he controlled people's perception of one another by how he spoke about them and how close he let them to himself and others, he built a support group by polarizing his friends against his 'enemies' and if anyone had a problem with him... They were wrong, and got added to the pile of 'aggressors' he had accumulated over the years, to be bashed and spit on for years to come.

He may have sensed my change in opinion when I directly asked him to help me reach out to the person who thought I disliked them- managed to come to an understanding and we mutually apologized for the situation... Without his meddling. Or maybe when he realized I was still on talking terms with the people he had lashed out at and directly asked him why he had kicked people who did absolutely nothing to him... Or it could be that I kept in contact with the person who 'ruined his life' by trying to protect his friends from him. I don't know.

While we were still talking he tried to identify with me and bond over the feeling of loosing the FC, a group of people that despite the anxiety, and pain I had felt in the environment he'd built I did deeply respect and care about... Despite the dissolution of that group and the abuse I suffered being -at the core- his own fault. He even went as far as to say my description of the PTSD and fear I was experiencing described exactly how he was feeling, too.

As our conversations further weighed on my mental health I had to take a break from interacting with him. I was honest again, with what I was told, what I knew, and asked him for honesty about the situation... What he had said about me behind my back and why because I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to see if he would acknowledge the harm he caused both to me and the rest of the (former) FC.

He never did, and probably won't. He asked for some time to tend to his own stress levels and mental health and then blocked me on all social media and discord, and kicked me from his FC without ever making an effort to reach out.

Of the few people who are still close to him, one of them suggested that "maybe he just decided he didn't want to be friends anymore." But after him begging to have a conversation to iron out all the facts, claiming to be so anxious about such a conversation going well that he was 'shaking', admitting that what he did hurt people and that my being wary of him was understandable, asking me -directly- to let him know if he did anything 'shady', and stressing he REALLY wanted this conversation to take place when we were both able to handle it because of how important he felt it was...

I feel like its fair to say that him suddenly cutting off all contact isn't quite so simple. He could have done that at any point. Before pointedly ignoring my concerns, before gaslighting me, before blaming me for the results of his own actions, before accepting an apology for accusing him of things he did legitimately do, and certainly before directly telling me had no real problems with me, that he it was super important to him that we remain friends, and that I deserved his honesty.

I'm not going to try and tell anyone who they should be friends with or not. Frankly, people can change and in a lot of cases experiences with individuals will be different.

But on that same note, if I had known then what I know now I might have saved myself from roughly two years of anxiety and avoided the state of dissonance I now find myself in. I still have moments where I want to doubt the things I experienced first hand. My mind is still trying to repress my own memories to cope.

A part of me still cares about him despite everything because as far as I knew, he was my friend and I am still trying to reconcile what I found to be true.

At this point I feel like I should say please don't harass Morgy if you read this, but honestly? If you have any reason to hold him accountable go for it. He needs it. And if you have any gut feelings about him or anyone in his circle please listen to it. The few supporters he still has are willing to ignore anything he has done previous to the fall of his FC and have shown they are willing to debate and accuse people who speak out about legitimate concerns involving him.

If anyone has any questions I am willing to answer them and share the proof I have.

And in the off chance anyone wants to (further) argue with me about my experiences or whether or not I suffered enough to be considered a victim, please Google some images of a hand giving the middle finger. But if after that you still really want to play stupid games? I can find you some stupid prizes.

I don't owe him my silence. Or peace of mind. The only thing I owe him is to be as entirely, brutally, honest as possible given the information I have. I think it's a fair offer considering the mind-numbing volume of honesty he -still- owes all of us.

- - - - -

I may add more onto this. Unfortunately the entire situation is a lot more complex, but I wanted to get the backbone of my own experiences out there and there is so much bullshit it can't all be seen from any one direction. A lot of the circumstantial evidence loops back into other situations and makes it hard to comprehensively represent everything on any sort of singular timeline. As I said in the beginning there is a reason it took a small group 6 months to piece it together.

I am far from the only person hurt, and the entire situation was a mess with people feeling unnerved or pressured into going along with his agenda. For the most part now that I have more context I don't blame most of the people involved for their own actions. I fully support those who can't or won't come forward about the situation whether they just want out of his drama, or are afraid to come forward.

#ffxiv community #ffxiv rp #Morganaux #Morgy #Ser Noudenet #ffxiv twitter

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lov3nerdstuff · 4 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 5.8}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.3k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

They came to stand in the middle of the bridge where the wind was whipping around them in icy streams relentlessly, clawing at Robin's skin and making her eyes water as she leaned on her forearms on the railing to look down into the black ravine beneath. It was scary out here indeed, even more so when the wooden construction swayed under the wind's rapid beating.

Robin looked up from the dark for a moment, and instead let her eyes lock with his as she motioned for him to come over to the edge as well. For a second he stayed frozen to the spot right in the middle of the path, safe between the railings, but then he moved to stand next to Robin as her gaze had undoubtedly commanded him to. A mere step away, he mirrored her stance and they looked down into the blackness together.

"Have you ever considered jumping?" Robin eventually asked without a hint of reluctance. He knew how weird her mind could be, at least to a point where the question shouldn't surprise him anymore. "I mean… do you ever hear that calling? From the bottom of the abyss?"

"All the time."

"The allure of the fall, and the promise that comes with it… It's quite tempting, is it not?"

"It shouldn't be. Not to you." His words touched Robin in a way she couldn't explain, and instinctively her eyes returned to the man next to her with the soaring of her heart.

"It shouldn't be to you either. But obviously we don't have that choice." She said, and for a moment observed with a strange fascination how the wind blew his hair around his face like raging black rivers on a bed of white.

"Most people couldn't handle a choice like that."

"To me, the temptation is so much more frightening than the height or the darkness." Robin sighed. "It's ironic… the scariest things are always just a product of one's own mind."

"I agree. Sometimes what we aren't afraid of what is, but of what could be. What we could do, and sometimes even what we want to do. The human mind is the most dangerous place of all."

"Exactly." Robin said with both a smile and a huff, but the grim look on his face dwindled her excitement in an instant. Maybe it was time for a subtle change of topic. "I haven't actually answered your question from before."

"I am aware."

"Would you still like to know?"

"Obviously."

"Alright…" Robin sighed under her breath, and focused on one single star in the nightsky as she considered her words. "I can truthfully tell you that I am happy with the work we do, and I'm happiest right where I am."

"Good."

"What about you?" She turned her head to look at Snape once more, directing the inquiry at him and not the night, but she would have been met by black eyes that seemed to look straight into her soul either way. "Are you happy?"

For a long moment he didn't reply at all. He merely held her gaze in a way that made him seem impossibly close to everything Robin tried to hide, while however he was still standing at the perfectly imperfect distance of one large step away. But like a piece of music, his silence created the distance that the unspoken words behind his eyes pulled her through in a chase of an everfleeting melody. Robin's heart was racing; a sharp contrast to her easy facade that became harder to keep up by the second.

"I am closer to happiness than I have been in a long time. Longer than I care to remember." He finally replied, and the statement was both positive and heartbreaking at once. Robin wanted him to be happy, truly. Not just close to it. But she realized that there likely was nothing she could do about that.

"Well, I'm sure you're gonna be even closer to it later, when you can finally get rid of that insufferable person who keeps dragging you out into the cold every new year's eve." She tried to joke instead, actually having to smile at her own sense of humor, thus also smiling at him.

"I doubt that." He replied though, and averted his eyes to peer back out into the distance. "It will rather be a momentary setback."

Robin's small smile widened inevitably, radiantly taking over her entire face, but she just couldn't help it. Hearing that her presence at least was preferable to him than being alone was enough to make her skin tingle, and her heart boast in her own happiness. Maybe if he thought like that, they really could be friends somehow. Maybe they already were.

"Quit smiling like a fool, you make me regret saying something nice." He grumbled a short moment later, still staring out into the dark, and Robin finally cracked. With her laughter, the entire tension fled into the open night as well, and it left her feeling finally at peace.

"Well, I'm not going to stop. And you better don't regret it either, because it actually made me happy." She grinned up at him in the utmost certainty that he wasn't even annoyed with her for real. "So just get over yourself, will you?"

As an answer he merely turned his head just enough to glare down at Robin, and she had to grin even more as she turned to look ahead now instead. The view really was spectacular, he hadn't promised too much last year. Even if the swaying of the bridge was fairly distracting, and the cold bit horribly into the exposed skin of her face and hands. But it was beautiful just like that, loud from the wind and silent from the night, cold from winter and warm from Snape's presence next to her.

It couldn't be long now. Minutes, or just seconds until the year would end. And once again they would greet the new year with comfortable, companionable silence. But this time there were no arches, no columns or masses of stone between them that would give either the illusion of solitude. This time, when a year ended and a new one started, when the sound of fireworks could barely be heard over the wind, they stood on the bridge together.

"Happy new year…" Robin finally spoke up, once the silence had surrendered to her will. "Or at least one that is a bit closer to happy, if that isn't entirely impossible."

"I stopped using the word impossible when I met you."

"Then I will be sure to challenge you another step closer to happiness." Robin smirked, and turned around to lean her back against the railing.

"Please don't." He sighed and rolled his eyes in the typical exaggerated manner as he stepped back from the railing as well, coming to stand in the middle of the path in front of Robin instead.

"I most definitely will." She smiled innocently but brightly, and while she had no idea how she could do that, she was absolutely determined that she would indeed.

"If you insist." He sighed and motioned for her to come along back to the castle. As they walked next to each other through the dark, he added, "You could always start by making me coffee when we are back in the dungeons."

Robin let out a snort, then chuckled to herself, and at last nodded with a sigh and a smile. "If that's what it takes, I'll gladly make you coffee for the rest of the year as well."

"Tonight should be quite enough."

"How gracious of you."

"Why, pray tell, do you have to sass me at any given opportunity?"

"Someone's got to do it." Robin shrugged with a smirk, as they crossed the courtyard where it was actually quite a bit warmer than it had been out on the bridge. Maybe they would better stay in here again next year… but perhaps without all the columns between them.

"You still are truly insufferable!" He grumbled, but his hand returned to the small of her back at almost the same time nonetheless.

"It's a new year, not a new reality. What did you expect?" She raised her eyebrows with a laugh, and gladly let herself be led towards the dungeons once more.

"Of you? Absolutely nothing less."

_______________

For Snape's birthday, Robin had actually come up with three little things that she'd hoped wouldn't make him as uncomfortable in a combination as just giving him one obvious gift straight up. For one, she had throughout the day done her utmost to keep people from bothering him. That had basically entailed sitting around in the hallway in front of his office all day and keeping everyone from entering unless they had a really good reason to. An issue that Robin couldn't take care of herself. Thus she did a good amount of his work, but without his knowledge of course. Only in the evening, when she had 'randomly' brought chocolate cake to have with the usual coffee, she had admitted that she'd seen to it that he had a quiet day. However she only had told him because he had actually been concerned about the absence of the usual idiots throughout the day, and she'd felt bad to be the reason for his concern.

The third and last thing she wanted to give to him now was an actual gift, and she had been looking forward to this part of the present the entire day. With a mischievous smile, she placed a small jar on the table in front of him, which held nothing but a single golden pearl inside. He stared at the object for a few seconds with that intensely burning gaze, then directed the very same at Robin.

"What is this?" His tone was unusually shallow, and at the same time his eyes spoke volumes to her, in an entirely different language.

"What does it look like?" Robin asked in return, calm to the core, for she had come somewhat prepared for a reaction like this. It was rather understandable, actually, if not even very much reasonable. "It's my gift to you."

"You cannot seriously expect me to accept this."

"Whyever not?"

"Do you have any idea how rare these pearls are?"

"Of course I do." She shrugged with a smile. "That's why I'm giving it to you in the first place. There would be fairly little use in me giving you something you already possess, and as far as I'm aware, you didn't have any Alteria pearls. Until now."

"If you could come by this, it cannot be authentic." He reasoned to himself with a frown, and at last picked up the small jar with a careful touch to inspect the object inside. "These cost more than I could ever afford, and I actually get paid fairly well. Occasionally."

"It is as real as they get, I can promise you that. But if you don't believe me, you can always check for yourself."

"How can you promise something like that?"

"Because I know where I got it." Robin sighed, but her smile stayed. Maybe he would stop doubting her if she told him how she had acquired it indeed, but that would also kind of take away her own fun in his incredulous expression.

"You cannot give this to me, Robin, no matter where you bought it. It isn't a gift, but a fortune."

"Value is such a stupid concept." She rolled her eyes at him and leaned back in her chair. "This pearl in itself means nothing to me, I could toss it out of the astronomy tower without a second thought and very likely get me another within a day. But it means a lot to you, obviously, and to me that is where it gets its only value. It's only valuable if you keep it, and if it means something to you."

"You have a strange concept of value yourself." He said, but he couldn't beat Robin's arguments. "If you truly want me to consider keeping it, tell me who sold it to you, and how you could convince them to do so."

"I will tell you anything you want to know, but after that you will keep it, as my gift to you, without remorse, yes?"

"We will have to see about the remorse, but if it means so much to you then yes, I will keep it." A pause. "...Just so you stop bugging me."

"Thank you!" Robin rolled her eyes in exaggeration at his late comply, before she sat up straight once more to start explaining with a sigh. "Alright… First of all, you should know that I agree with you of course. Alteria pearls are extremely expensive if you try to buy them, and I am not crazy or rich enough to do that. Or stupid enough, for that matter. It would truly be a waste of money."

"Consider me confused, then."

"It's not at all confusing, actually, it just seems that something very basic escaped your notice for once. Now, before you get all scolding with me, it isn't a mistake, but more of a… negligence of alternatives."

"And your point is?"

"My point is that everyone tries to find a place to buy the ingredients they need, whether that be plants or animals or something like Alteria pearls. People are always looking for the place to buy it cheapest, or to buy it at all. What everyone, including you, seems to forget however is that finding the ingredients by yourself isn't actually all that difficult if you know where to look. I mean sure, there is the school gardens and the greenhouse, or even Hagrid's creatures, but do you ever go out beyond that to find the ingredients you usually would buy?"

"No… As a matter of fact, I do not." He replied with a mild frown that made him seem almost surprised at the realization. Probably he really hadn't considered doing something like that before. Robin smiled at him in silence while he seemed to think it through.

"Obviously not all ingredients can be tracked down without a trip around the world, but you can come by a surprising amount if you put a little time and effort into it." She went on to explain. "What I mean to say is that I didn't buy the pearl. I merely tracked it down for you. Sometimes knowledge is more valuable than money."

"No matter what I believe to know about you, you always manage to surprise me." He finally mused, with the faintest of smiles, as he twisted the small jar with the pearl in his hand. "Thank you for this gift."

"You are most welcome."

"Will you tell me how you found an actual Alteria pearl without leaving the school grounds? I am curious to know." He inquired with a real smile for once, a small one, but it was most definitely there. Robin's heart melted into mushy tingles once again.

"It takes away the entire mystery, but oh well…" She sighed with a mirroring smile and leaned forward as she started to explain. "I bargained with the Merpeople. Legilimency is actually a pretty good form of communication, and while I'm by no means actually good at it, it sufficed to tell them what I wanted and what I could offer in return."

"How did you even get to that point?"

"Plain old research. I'm actually surprisingly good at that." She laughed and brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear, only for it to immediately untug itself again. "I read that Alteria pearls grow in some weird kind of oyster. It's black and has blue hair on the shell… looks beyond creepy, if you ask me. I still have it somewhere if you would like to see it, but it's rather useless. The condition under which they grow are very similar to the conditions in the deep parts of the black lake, so I thought my chances were good. I figured that the fastest way to find one was to ask the folks who live there. I've had my share of experience in trading though and thus I looked up something that the Merpeople might actually be interested in in return for their assistance."

"And what did you offer them?"

"Music." Robin shrugged with a smile. "I shared a few memories of music I love, and what that music felt like to me. They love music, sirens and selkies and their whole kin."

"I never would have thought of that."

"Well, I never would've thought of cutting something up instead of squeezing it out, or of heating something up before adding it to a potion to keep the temperature steady; all those little things to make the recipe better." She replied with a smile. "Would be pretty dull if everyone was good at the same thing, wouldn't it?"

"It certainly would be less productive for our work." He mused, and then looked at his empty cup in front of him with a risen eyebrow. "More importantly, it would be a shame if my ability to make coffee was as mediocre as yours."

"Sneaky…" Robin chuckled, but already picked up their cups from the table. "But I'll play along and do you the favor to make you coffee to prove how 'mediocre' my skills really are."

"Do feel free to prove me wrong."

"Oh, I will for sure."

_______________

One of the most dreaded things in the fifth year at Hogwarts –besides the inevitable OWLs– was 'the talk', as generations of students had called the career advice meeting that took place around the end of April. It was obviously supposed to show the students possibilities for what they could strive for after school, and which N.E.W.T. classes they would need to take to have a chance at getting into their chosen career path. Mostly, the students dreaded this conversation, for it entailed talk about grades and the future. Two topics most people at 15 or 16 weren't all too fond of.

As Robin discovered, the professors weren't all too fond of the talk either. At least one certain potions professor seemed to be dreading it quite as much as his students, and he made no secret of that fact either. Not in front of Robin at least, and she appreciated his honesty as always, even if she could do fairly little but listen to his complaints about her classmates over coffee on the night before the endless row of conversations would take place. What she could do and did do, however, was to offer that he could skip out on her own career advice session that was planned for late noon and use the time for a break instead. They could always talk about it after dinner over coffee, after all.

To Robin's surprise he actually deemed the suggestion a good idea and took her up on the offer, which unfortunately meant that Robin had to attend classes for the entire day, while most of the other students could skip out on at least fifteen minutes of classtime themselves. It was a terribly slow day, and Robin was only glad once it was time for dinner. During the meal, the career advice talks were the number one topic of conversation in every house, even among the lower years who listened curiously, and the higher years who shared their own experiences from the years prior. Robin shrugged most of it off and tried to tell herself that it wasn't a big deal, but she honestly dreaded talking about her future like it was some predictable certainty, something she could actually look forward to.

As it turned out, Robin's 'talk' started just like any other conversation she and Snape had every single night anyway. She made them coffee, mainly because he was looking so annoyed with the entire world already that she took pity on him, and they sat in his office at the small table just like they always did these days.

"So tell me, do you have an idea for what you would like to do after school?" He inquired with a risen eyebrow, and took a sip of his too hot coffee, only to scowl at it a second later.

"Not really. I don't see the point in deciding on something now only to change my mind later. I'll find something when the time comes."

"I'm certain you will."

"Is that how this conversation is supposed to go?" Robin asked with a humored frown, and crossed her arms on the edge of the table as she leaned forward.

"No. But I see no point in telling you what to do, for you will ignore it anyway and do what you yourself deem best."

"Well, what if I don't know that's best?" Her frown lost a bit of the humor in it. "What if I end up homeless under some bridge because I'm not good enough for anything?"

"Are you asking me or yourself?"

"Nevermind." She grumbled and leaned back in her chair with a start. One brain cell less, and she would've started pouting. He had a point.

"Going by your grades, you indeed are more than good enough at everything you do."

"That doesn't count."

"No?" He quipped, eyebrows raised in feigned surprise, as he went to recite by memory. "Exceeds Expectations in Astronomy, History of Magic and Divination; Outstanding in Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures and quite obviously Potions… That does not count for you?"

"You forgot the Acceptable in Defense Against the Dark Arts." Robin mumbled to herself and stared down at her hands in her lap. Yeah, after the incident with the petrification, Morgan had actually dropped her an entire grade without any good reason. That arse…

"That is hardly your fault and you know it as well as I do." Snape said in an almost scolding manner that obviously did nothing to cheer Robin up. "Is it really so hard for you to be proud of your other grades merely because one isn't perfect?"

"Obviously. But I don't expect you to understand that."

"I believe I do though. Professor Morgan's unfair treatment of you doesn't pass by me without an equal seeping rage."

"But that's not even the point!" Robin groaned under breath, then sighed. "Sorry. Of course I'm angry about Morgan's idiocracy."

"But?"

"But I'm also angry because I don't have perfect grades in every subject. It probably sounds pathetic to you, especially because it doesn't actually matter for anything. I know that the OWLs will make up most of the final grade."

"Then why does it matter so much to you?"

"Because…" She stopped, thought, but still didn't know how to convey what she was thinking. Feeling. "It doesn't matter why it matters."

"To me it does, if it upsets you." He said, and the statement had Robin's heart skip a beat once more. Great… he was getting too good at making her tell him things without actually demanding it of her. It was unfair, when he used kindness to disarm her, and left Robin entirely defenseless.

"If I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough." She sighed, but couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. "I define myself over my grades and it's stupid and pathetic and still I do it. When I'm not perfect, I'm nothing."

"Do you actually believe that?"

"I don't believe it, I'm not stupid enough to want to think something like that. I just… feel it." She shrugged, and picked at the corner of the table with her fingernail. "I always have."

For a moment, it was quiet. Snape didn't say a single word, until Robin finally gave in and looked up to meet his eye. "I am surprised."

"By what?" She asked right back, surprised herself that he didn't straight out tell her how stupid that was indeed.

"You give yourself so confident, and yet you tell me that you think so little of yourself." A pause, a shared glance, a million things unspoken but one. "I had no idea that you were so ridden by self-doubt."

"Sorry to disappoint." Her voice was but a whisper, her tone cold as ice as her gaze dropped back down to the black liquid in her cup. After a moment, it blurred together with the rest of the table, and then the entire thing was washed away by tears at last.

"You are disappointing no one but yourself." Snape finally said. "And you are prone to keep doing so if you measure yourself by impossible standards."

"You were the one who told me to be better! What did you think would happen?!"

"I expected you to push yourself, yes!" He snapped back with an irritated expression. "But you cannot blame this on me. I never wanted you to be perfect."

"Good for you, because I only would have disappointed you in that as well."

"As well as in what?"

"I don't know! Everything?!" She huffed and rolled her eyes to herself. "I may be quite good at school, alright, but what else is there to be proud of?! I'm terrible at dealing with people, nobody in my grade even talks to me anymore, and I'm probably the worst Slytherin there ever was! I'm nothing like the other people in this house! The stupid hat probably made a mistake by putting me here in the first place."

"You are right. You are nothing of what the general public expects of people in Slytherin. They are supposed to be lazy and irresponsible, arrogant, ignorant and most of all, so very proud of their heritage that they dismiss every thought of being just as flawed as everyone else."

"Thank you for summarizing it so very eloquently." Robin huffed again, but the general unease she felt just wouldn't make way for brighter thoughts.

"That however does not mean that you do not belong in this house." He simply ignored her comment and went on with a pointed look at her instead. "You are intelligent, resourceful, ridiculously loyal to those you deem worthy of it, and determined to reach any and every goal you set for yourself. And if that loyalty, ambition and passion of yours aren't some of the core principles of Slytherin, I would be ashamed to be the head of a house that values those qualities less than egotism and pride."

"Maybe. It doesn't matter." Robin said, even though she didn't believe her own words. Everything he said mattered to her, and especially if it was something that made her heart soar like that. But her brain was stuck in a downward spiral that it would take more to escape from than this.

"Then what does matter? Can you tell me that?" He sighed and leaned back in his chair in what looked a whole lot like defeat. Was he truly giving up on her already?

"No." Robin whispered, and her eyes filled with tears again, simply because of how pathetically annoying she was being. "I'm sorry… maybe I should just go."

"Don't even think that I would let you leave like that." He was quick to reply, and Robin slumped back down in her chair before she'd even gotten the chance to get up.

"Because we haven't finished the talk yet?" She asked with a sigh, and went back to picking at the edge of the table.

"Because you clearly are upset, and I have every intention to change that before I let you leave." He said, and Robin actually had to smile a little at his words. However when he got up from his chair, her eyes followed him to the door with a frown. "I will be back in a moment. You should use the time to think about what it really is that troubles you so much. Then perhaps we can solve the issue when I return."

"Where are you going?"

"You will see." With that, he closed the door behind himself and left Robin alone in the office.

A few minutes later, or more like a good while later, he returned and Robin immediately had to smile. He had brought chocolate cake.

"Have you thought about what the real problem is?" Snape finally asked, as they were both chipping off pieces of the cake that he'd placed in the middle of the table between them.

"I'm probably just having a bad day. Somehow, everything makes me nervous and then I say something wrong and then I get angry with myself… And then there's the whole career advice thing on top."

"I believe the cake might be a start on the generally bad day, but you will have to elaborate on what concerns you about the career advice if I shall be of any help to you."

"Alright…" Robin sighed, then finally looked up from the intricately decorated cake fork in her hand. "The whole 'talking about the future' thing is giving me anxiety. I mean, I do have good grades now, but I'm just so scared of failing when it actually comes to something important. And talking about OWLs and N.E.W.T. classes and careers is important enough to panic over. I just try to spare myself the disappointment of making plans and then finding out that I'm not good enough for any of them."

"That is reasonable and yet ridiculous. You haven't ever failed any classes before, not even a single essay in my class, which is remarkable enough on its own… What makes you believe that you might fail now?"

"Nothing in particular. It might be general anxiety, or just my own pessimism. Everyone is scared to fail though, so maybe I'm just being dramatic. Maybe I care too much about being better than everyone else."

"It might surprise you, but not nearly everyone cares about their work and their future as much as you do. Not nearly everyone has the capacity to care so deeply about anything at all, actually."

"Are you saying that it's a good thing that I panic over possibly screwing up my future?"

"Not necessarily a good thing, but it certainly makes you who you are. People are shallow, and you are the very opposite. I for my part have always had quite a distaste for shallow people. So you might actually consider your ways a good thing, yes." He stated, and waited for her to look at him before he continued. "You have absolutely no reason to be concerned, Robin. Your grades would make anyone go green with envy and I have no doubt that your OWLs will look even better than your current record. If you do not believe your own success up to this point, then perhaps you can at least believe me. And I am absolutely certain that you will achieve anything you set your mind to."

Robin's lips curled into a smile, and she found that she had to believe him no matter what. She wanted to believe him. Maybe worrying too much was a disadvantage she would have to live with if it meant she was granted to have passion in return. And oh, she had so much to be passionate about. So much to care about. Maybe she should pick out some N.E.W.T. classes indeed.

"Perhaps we should start over." He said after a moment, and sat up straighter in his chair. "Do you have an idea what you would like to do after school?"

"I'm always open for suggestions." Robin smiled in return, and her heart did that silly thing again where it probably could be heard in the entire room. "All I know is that I want to do something with potions. And study ingredients."

"Why am I not even remotely surprised?"

______________________________

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