#until she did but we eventually distanced and when i moved on she was so upset and i wondered why because? you left me? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

literaila · 2 months

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keeping secrets

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: you and satoru avoid each other

warnings: actual fighting, sad everyone, hurt/little comfort (sorry)

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year four.

"did megumi give you a permission slip?" you ask satoru, leaning against the side of the couch, peeking at his phone. "it's for a field trip, but i haven't seen it. he says he set it on the counter."

satoru glances at you. then back, and shakes his head.

"he didn't give you anything to sign?"

"not recently."

you sigh. "i don't think he lost it."

satoru's lip quirks. "you think i'm hiding it?"

"i don't know. did you accidentally eat it?"

his eyes roll. "i have better taste than that."

"well, can you help me look for it?"

satoru sighs, head hanging back for a moment, then he throws his phone down, groaning as he stands up. after he stretches, he half-heartedly moves a pillow, pretending to look under it.

you snort.

but satoru doesn't look back at you, and moves to the table, to look at the stack of papers there.

and, admittedly, things have been a bit off.

you tried to ignore it at first--ignore the way satoru avoided your eyes, or kept himself five feet away from you at all times. you tried to pretend that it wasn't happening. that he wasn't giving you short responses, or only joking with you in dire moments (like when something you say goes over both of the kid's heads and they stare at you weirdly).

honestly, you hadn't even noticed anything was wrong until you'd realized that it'd been a week since he fell asleep with you. since he even bothered to come out of his room after putting the kids to bed. a week since he tried to squeeze you to death, or grossly kissed your cheek.

and... it shouldn't be weird.

no rule says that he has to spend a specific amount of time with you, or cuddle in your bed, or smile at you, or... do anything that your best friend probably shouldnt do.

but it's weird.

it's strange because your relationship with satoru has stayed relatively consistent, an upward slope for the past six years. you've grown closer, but never farther.

and, in the depths of your mind, usually when you're lying awake at night, you recognize that there's one single moment when it switched. that everything changed a specific morning, and you haven't been able to rewind it. to take it all back.

and you could just blame the alcohol for your confession, you probably should.

but then you'd also have to blame your sixteen-year-old self, the girl who'd been attracted to satoru in the first place. the eighteen-year-old who agreed to tie her life to his and take in the kids, or you now, still cursing yourself for falling in love with him.

it's not like satoru made you.

if intoxication is to blame, so is your heart, your soul, for starting all of this in the first place.

you'd decided to not blame anything at all, in the end. everything's fine.

"find anything?" you ask him, a bit cold in the room, feeling that same tension that's been there. those unspoken words, infinite amounts of distance.

you try to ignore it, really.

"just the receipt for tsumiki's violin."

"tsumiki's what?" you ask, blinking at him.

"i didn't tell you about that?"

"satoru, you can't just buy them things on a whim--"

he holds a hand up, stopping you. "she said it was for school," he says, giving you a quick grin. "plus, she's pretty good."

"there's no way she's good."

"you'll see," he says, "when we go to her recital."

"what?"

satoru shrugs, then he turns around, organizing the piles of papers into neat stacks. it almost makes you want to check him for a spider bite, a fever, remnants of poison. no way your satoru is doing that.

not that he's yours. he hasn't been yours in years, hasn't been your anything ever.

"oh, here," he says, eventually, handing you a paper which he already signed--of course--and shaking his head. "museums," he grumbles.

but he doesn't give you the chance to respond, turning to walk down the hall--towards his room--before you can even chide him for forgetting about it.

so, yeah. things are fine.

"where's gojo?" megumi asks, as the two of you walk through the door.

the house is empty without satoru there. colder, dimmer. and, of course, there's no one to irritate the boy right when he walks in.

you try not to wince at the question, or spiral into your own question of 'where's gojo?'

"uh," you lock the door, then unlock it. then lock it again. "he's on another job."

"again?"

you give megumi a bland smile, taking his backpack from him. "guess they think he needs more practice," you say, trying to tease.

it falls flat.

"did he get in trouble?"

"i don't know," you shrug. "probably."

honestly, it's not like you would know anyway. satoru doesn't tell you anything these days.

it's probably what bothers you the most, because if he's not saying anything, then neither can you. you can't ask him what he thinks about tsumiki's new friend, or if megumi should be eating more, or if you're just making everything up, probably going insane--

"when's he going to be back?"

"he said probably tomorrow. maybe the day after if it takes longer. i can't remember where they sent him..."

megumi looks mischievous. his eyes are bright. "so we can make those miso brownies? since he's gone?"

you laugh, ruffling his hair. "sure, when tsumiki gets home."

he nods, satisfied, and turns around. then he looks back at you, eyes trailing over your expression.

megumi looks at you quizzically, like he knows something you don't. "do you miss him?"

you roll your eyes. "do you miss him, megumi?"

he doesn't even think about it. "true," he says, then walks into the kitchen, grabbing something from the fridge.

maybe you miss him, you think, but only a little bit. it's not like he's been gone long.

just, you know, forever.

"hey," you lean against the desk in the office. satoru must be filling out a report, which should make you blink twice, but really it's him being out in the open that surprises you.

most days he goes to hide in his room. he locks his door and makes sure that you wouldn't dare to walk through. that you have no means to interrupt his solitude.

"oh, hey," satoru answers, not bothering to look up at you. his voice is low, familiar, and creates goosebumps on your skin.

seriously, why is it so cold in this house?

"i'm surprised those haven't gone missing yet," you gesture toward the papers, trying to be casual.

he snorts. "yaga said that if i lost them again, i was fired."

"he said that two years ago."

satoru nods, still scribbling. you want more than anything to just see his eyes for a moment, for him to look at you and grin like you're used to.

but you know he won't, so you tap your fingers against the desk. "do you have a second?"

"sure. what's up? megumi do something?"

"no, the kids are fine, i, um--" you pause. it feels ridiculous to have to ask him this, to not know the answer. it feels ridiculous to be nervous around satoru. you haven't felt anxious, or worried about asking him anything since you were sixteen and realized that it didn't matter. "shoko texted me about that work 'meeting' that's happening on friday. do you want to go to that? i just need to know so i can tell her..."

"meeting?"

your smile is teasing, not that he's looking. "i think she meant party."

"on friday?"

"yeah. she said that the booze is free, and i think nanami's going, so i thought..." you hint, not even sure what you mean.

i thought we could talk. i thought we could go together and maybe everything would go back to normal. i thought that we were friends, if anything, and that you cared about me--

satoru hums. "what about the kids?"

"tsumiki has a birthday party that night, and megumi likes the sitter from last time," you wince at your accidental mention of that night. "or he can come, i guess, but he'd probably hate it."

satoru snorts, nodding in agreement. you watch his hands freeze, then resume.

he's thinking the same things you are, you know. he's thinking about how stupid you are, how ridiculous it is to imagine him being in love with you, caring about who you are or how you feel.

you just know it.

"so..." you whisper, after a second. "do you want to go?"

you feel like you're standing on uneven ground. how can this be the only real conversation you've had with satoru this week?

how can you miss him this much when he's literally right there?

"i don't--" satoru makes a face, finally looking toward you. he sets down the pen. "i don't think so. but you can go and i can stay here with megumi," he suggests easily like he's not rejecting you. "we can have a guy's night."

"megumi hates guy's nights."

satoru has a cheeky grin on, but it's half-hearted. barely there.

like a glimpse of him in a peephole, a moment where he's not hiding completely from you.

he doesn't say anything, though. he doesn't even bother to come up with a better excuse.

it's clear as day that he just doesn't want to hang out with you, even in a crowd of people.

"that's okay," you hum, eventually, trying to keep your voice steady. "i don't really--"

"no, you should go. you haven't seen nanami in a while. you can have a night out," he says genuinely, but it sounds more like i need a break from you.

"yeah," you try to laugh. "i--um, okay. if you're sure."

he nods, looking away again. he hasn't touched you in weeks. your skin is almost molding, going completely stale. "i'm sure. we'll order dinner, so you don't have to worry about the brat complaining."

"okay."

"okay," satoru answers, but it doesn't mean anything.

and it's not okay.

the two of them walk through the door, and megumi looks... pleasant. he's got the makings of a smile on his face, a little jump in his step.

it's one of the only times you've seen him look like the ten-year-old he is, instead of someone who's concerned about economic collapse.

it makes you smile a bit, even if just the sight of satoru sends pangs down your chest.

"hey," you say, hand on his head as he lingers by you, eyes meeting yours in greeting. you look to satoru, who's pretending to wipe away a smudge on his glasses. "where were you guys?"

"we were--"

"gojo took me to that old hospital by my school," megumi says, "there were cursed spirits hanging outside. he let me and my divine dogs deal with them," he says this almost excitedly--as excited as megumi gets--and you can see it in his eyes. that little twinkle of pride.

your eyes widen, but you smile, trying to be genuine. it's difficult because you've been lying for weeks. "really?" you ask, trying not to look over at satoru accusingly. "how'd it go?"

"good," megumi, moves to the sink, washing his hands. "they're getting better at scenting them out. it didn't take long."

"that's great."

"megumi didn't need any of my help," satoru adds, giving you a short glance. "he's got good intuition."

megumi looks at satoru with a glare in his eyes, but you can tell that he appreciates the compliment.

you can tell that he's completely fine with this, that the two of them are going to act like it's normal, but you can't.

you try to ignore it when megumi looks between you and satoru, a slight furrow in his brows. he knows something wrong, you know. but you're not going to admit that.

you swallow. "do you have any homework you need to finish, megs?"

"uh..." he pauses. "i think so. reading?"

you smile, hand on his back as you lead him out of the room. "okay, how about you go work on that? i need to talk to satoru real quick."

he nods immediately, looking eager to leave--both the room and the tension.

as soon as he's gone, you turn to satoru, narrowed eyes as you observe him. he's already smiling because he knows that he's in trouble. because he knows that you're angry.

because, even if he hasn't actually spoken to you in weeks, satoru has always read you so well. he's always known what you're going to say before you say it.

but you can't care about it. it doesn't mean anything to him.

“you can’t do that,” you say, almost whispering. “not without asking me.”

“i knew you’d say no.”

you laugh, looking away from him. “exactly.”

“he’s fine,” satoru reassures. he shrugs, because why should he care about your concern? “he did good, and there’s not a scratch on him. i’m sorry for not telling you but—“

“no buts, satoru. you can’t take megumi out on missions like he’s a student. he’s not. and you definitely can’t do it without even telling me," there's a burning in your chest. your head is clouded over with anger.

just looking at him--at his ridiculous smile and stupid perfect face--makes you clench your fists.

how can he stand there and act like you're a team?

“it’s not a big deal. i was there the whole time—and he didn’t need me.”

“i don’t care!”

satoru rolls his eyes, his arms crossed. “i think you’re overreacting.”

“i’m not," you say, trying to get him to look at you--actually look--but he won't. it makes your chest hurt even more. "you’re not telling me things—fine, whatever, keep whatever secrets you want, gojo. don't bother talking to me. but you can’t keep secrets from me about the kids.”

“secrets? i’m not—“

you shake your head, hands in the air, trying to clear all of it away. you want the past month to go away, the past six years. “megumi’s just a kid. he’s ten. he can’t be going on missions, not until he’s ready.”

“i think i’ve already proved how ready he is.”

“well, maybe i'm not ready. he’s a kid.”

“yeah,” satoru says, obviously. he scoffs. “yeah, he’s a kid. but he’s also a jujutsu sorcerer. you can’t separate the two.”

his voice is all-knowing and his stance is firm. you know that you won't convince him otherwise--know that he's right, to some degree, but this isn't about megumi.

this isn't about cursed spirits or jujutsu.

“yes, you can," you say, clenching your jaw. "he doesn’t need to be seeing that shit right now. not until he decides he wants to. practice his technique with him all you want, but you can’t just take him to exorcise a curse with you.”

“like i said, he’s fine.”

“it’s not about that! it’s about you doing something reckless—again—and acting like there aren’t any consequences to your decisions. he’s my son,” you hiss, “he shouldn’t be going anywhere i don’t know about. you shouldn’t be making decisions about him behind my back.”

you shouldn't be pushing me away, you shouldn't be ruining this--

“so you want to lock him up here?" satoru asks, laughing at you. his teeth are sharp and he is still. "you want to take away his ability to defend himself?”

you scoff. “are you kidding? you think me saying i don’t want you to get him killed is equal to me—“

“he was fine. if anything—anything—had been there that megumi couldn’t handle, i would’ve taken care of it. i wasn't going to let anyone touch him. that’s why i was there! and he didn’t even need me," he's boasting, swearing to you--you can feel it as he rolls his eyes at you.

“you know what he needs, satoru? he needs you to treat him like he’s a little boy and not some experiment for you to play with.”

“i would never—“

you cut him off, “bringing him out into the open, where anyone could see him, could hurt him, and making him deal with your cursed spirit is not okay.”

“i didn’t make him deal with anything," satoru swears, chin up.

you snort. the two of you are standing in front of each other, arms crossed, head guarded. your muscles are tense like something is about to attack you. “oh, so he asked you to go?”

“well, no, but—“

“then you made him! you put him up against a monster and treated him like a student, like a 16-year-old, and not your son.”

the words feel nice to say. some version of the truth that's much better than whatever this version is. if satoru won't talk to you, you'll talk for him.

you'll make every assumption, every bad perception (because he's supposed to keep you from worrying, he's supposed to be there to calm you down, to save you from that spiraling). but if he's not going to try, neither will you.

satoru’s eyes grow hard. “what?”

“why can’t you just let him be a kid? why do you have to push him into these things—“

“we talked with megumi about who he is,” satoru grinds, “he knows about the privilege of his strength, and the fact that he has to work to use it—“

“a ten-year-old shouldn’t have to work for anything!”

he laughs at you. you can't see his eyes, but you watch his face as he tries to hide his expression, trying to keep his voice low. the kids are still in the house, so you shouldn't be yelling. but you can't bring it in yourself to really care.

“what do you think the point of him living here was? why do you think we took him in?”

you gape at him. “are you kidding?” you ask. “are you serious? we took him, and tsumiki, in because you’re responsible for killing their father! because they didn’t have anyone else, and that’s your fault.”

“you think i don’t know that?”

“well, i thought you did," you say, stepping away from him. some part of you wants to push him out, make him leave. the other part desperately wants him to stay--to say he's sorry. "but you just said that the only reason megumi is here is so you can teach him! when i agreed to this i thought you were facing the consequences of your actions, doing the right thing for those kids because you could. i thought you wanted to take care of them! to keep them away from our awful, messed up world.”

satoru is staring at you with his jaw clenched.

you continue, without consideration for the consequences of your words. “i didn’t think that you only wanted to keep megumi here so you could train him, like a dog.”

“that’s not what i said.”

you shake your head, a bitter smile on your face. “well it’s what you meant, and clearly you have no regard for his feelings or the way that curses might affect him—“

“don’t act like i did it just to mess with him," he interrupts, harshly. "it’s not a joke. i want him to be strong, i want him to be able to take care of himself—“

“and i want him to have a dad who isn’t so selfish!”

“what?”

“did you even think about it? what about the nightmares he’s going to have?" you wonder, rhetorically. "what about the fact that he’s different—that he’s already struggling to relate to other kids in school? what about him, satoru? why is it only about you?”

what about me? you don't say.

“i didn’t bring him for me—“

“you want a replacement. you want someone else to deal with everything, while you sit back and watch. i know what you’re trying to do—“

“really?" he points at you, the other hand clenched in the air. he's laughing again. "you can read my mind? you’ve already been let in on my plans—“

“don’t you wish that you’d had the opportunity to be just a kid?” you demand. “don’t you want that for megumi?”

he shrugs. “sure. but it’s never going to happen.”

“well, clearly, because you won’t let it.”

“he gets to be a kid every day. god forbid i take him to see one curse, to understand how to use his powers, to protect himself, and you treat me like i wanted to kill him.”

you laugh. your mind is a minefield, and everything he says ruins another part of it.

all you can think about is him, him as a teenager, him with you, telling satoru you love him and him having nothing left to say--

but you scoff again, shoving yourself further away from him. “do you know how many times i’ve wanted to go back to when i was ten and just got to live my life? do you know how often i think about how everything could’ve been different?”

“this isn’t about us."

“yes, it is. it is, satoru, because i didn’t get that chance and neither did you. and you just took away megumi’s chance.”

“i didn’t take anything away," he says, softly, like he's trying to convince himself.

clearly, you've struck a nerve.

“he’s never going to be able to look at the world normally, but he doesn’t need the burden of saving people before he’s even in middle school.”

“why is being strong so bad?” satoru asks you, demanding something more. why am i so bad? “why do you treat it like it’s a curse? like it’s going to hurt him?”

“look at you!” you respond. “look at suguru, and me, and shoko! look at any jujutsu sorcerer and ask them if being strong is worth it—is worth screwing your life over.”

satoru looks taken aback. he steps away from you.

“god, it’s like you think that we’re a different species," you tell him, never having felt like it's more true. "you’re human, satoru. you might be the strongest, but you’re still human, and you still have nightmares like all of the rest of us.”

he shakes his head at you.

“why do you want that for megumi? why push him into this right now?”

“i want him to be able to take care of himself. so that he doesn’t die like our colleagues, so that he doesn’t make the wrong choice like—“

he stops, his voice breaking before he can continue.

and maybe you know what this is really about, but if satoru doesn’t want to tell you how he feels, if he wants to pretend like it doesn’t matter—

fine. you will too.

“it wouldn’t make a difference. he’s already—his life is already messed up.”

satoru looks at you, his eyes ablaze. “don’t you think that if i was him, if i could’ve been stronger, if i could’ve saved all of those people—don’t you think i would do it in an instant? don’t you think i know that because i wasn’t strong enough, people died?”

this is the thing you've feared since you were eighteen, a brand new person responsible for two little lives. you've feared satoru's moral commitment since before you met him. since you saw him destroy a curse in an instant and realized he was different than everyone else.

“megumi isn’t you! he doesn’t need to be taught to take on the responsibility of everyone’s lives—“

“you can’t say that i’m selfish, that i don’t care, and then say that i care too much,” he says, shaking his head, unable to look at you.

he hasn't been able to look you in the eye in weeks.

“you’re both!" you say, almost yelling. "you’re everything. and you don’t think! you haven’t thought for a moment about what megumi might be feeling, who he might want to be—“

“and you have? what about what you want him to be?”

“i want him to be happy! i want him to grow up better than i ever did. i don’t want him chasing a bunch of cursed spirits around on the weekend like it’s a normal thing—“

“it is normal. for us, it’s normal. for him, it’s normal.”

you sigh, a weight on your chest, a burning in your throat. “well, maybe it shouldn’t be.”

you're not going to start crying now. not with satoru watching, not when he gets to know just how much you care.

satoru scoffs. “so you’d just have everyone defend themselves--"

"i don't know how you're arrogant enough to believe that you can save everyone--"

"--you’d just forget that we’re strong for a reason, that we--“

“but you’re never going to be strong enough, satoru. never.”

satoru stares at you. he doesn’t say a thing, doesn’t hesitate, and doesn’t bother to argue.

and after a moment he turns around. you reach your hand out to grab him--hold onto him and keep him here, because this isn't finished, and you're not done with him. you haven't even started.

but you run into a wall. you look down and your hand is dangling idly in front of his arm, stuck in the air.

you can't see satoru's eyes, but you can feel his heart--your heart--as it skips a beat in realization.

but then satoru shakes you off, pushes you infinitely farther away from infinity, and keeps going.

he walks out the door, slamming it shut.

you stand there for a moment, watching. you wait for the door to open again, for satoru to come back, for him to laugh--tell you that everything's fine, that it'll all be fine. that it's okay if you're angry, that he doesn't care.

but after a minute, he doesn't return.

and after another, you have to lean against the counter. your hand burns--but maybe that's just your imagination. you're pretty sure that infinity has no drawbacks, that there's no consequence for touching, for not touching satoru.

pretty sure.

but you still look over your skin, trying to see if he's left some mark. it would be nice to have some evidence of what he's done to you. you clench your fist, but the feeling doesn't go away.

and maybe it's not your hand. maybe it's your chest. maybe it's these weeks of feeling separated, feeling miles apart from him, feeling like it's all your fault that any of this has happened.

you... you can't even remember what you were arguing about.

you feel like a kid again, hiding yourself in your room just so your parents don't have to deal with you. you feel like that little girl who hid in the cupboards, trying to escape the monsters that no one else could see. you feel like that smaller, reckless version of yourself that left home at the first chance, who knew she wasn't allowed back.

are you allowed here? you wonder. is it going to happen again? are these monsters--real and fake--too much for your family to handle again?

you exhale, trying to catch your breath again. none of this feels right, normal, easy.

should you--should you call him? should you wait for him to come back?

is he going to come back?

the slam of the door is still echoing throughout the house when they creep down the hallway, making sure their footsteps are soft, but also loud enough for you to hear.

maybe you've only been standing there, waiting for satoru to turn around, for thirty seconds.

but it feels like an hour.

"mom?" a tiny voice asks, and both of them are turning around the corner, taking hesitant steps towards you.

you have to swallow. you need some water, an icepack maybe, to get rid of the burning feeling in your throat. the telltale signs that you're going to cry--that you've suffered blows to the core, and you can't backtrack now.

but you don't want to cry in front of them. you refuse to. if you didn't want to cry in front of satoru, you won't cry in front of the kids.

so you turn around, swallow again, and fill a glass of water.

you chug it down, wanting it to wash away that feeling, that ache.

you can't say anything just yet because then you'll actually fall apart.

megumi and tsumiki watch you, both of them silent as they wait for your direction. for some solution you should have.

you take a deep breath, then turn, almost faltering when you see the worried look on both of their faces, the concern in their eyes. neither of them should have to worry about this.

god, how could you forget that they were there? that they could hear everything?

how could you make another mistake?

"hey, guys," you say, clearing your throat. you want to be nonchalant, and casual, but you've never been either a day in your life.

"where did gojo go?"

"i, um," you take another sip of water, because that feeling crawls up your throat, makes itself known again. "i think he went on a walk."

"is he okay?" tsumiki asks.

"are you okay?" megumi follows.

"yeah, he's fine. he's good. i--he just needed some space, you know? um... a break."

"from us?"

your eyes widen. "no, no, no. of course not, never you guys. he's... just been busy this week. working a lot. and, i, well, he's good. we're good."

megumi leans on the counter next to you, looking at you very closely. "are you okay?" he repeats.

"i'm good, megs. it's..." you smile. "it's fine. um, did satoru get you anything to eat while you were out? i'm not sure what we've got, but i can make something if you--"

"when is he going to be back?"

you stop, sighing. you shouldn't have taught either of them how to read emotions, or how to eavesdrop. you shouldn't be speaking to anyone, or trusted with anything.

"i'm not sure, buddy. he'll be back when he's ready."

"is he going to stay out all night?" tsumiki asks, worried.

"no, i'm sure--" you stop again. "gojo will be back in time for bed, okay?"

they're both staring at you, waiting for you to say something profound, something to make it actually okay.

but you have nothing. is satoru going to come back? is he going to stay somewhere else? you know he'll exhaust himself just to avoid coming home--

this is why you shouldn't have moved in--

this is why you never should've agreed to this, allowed himself to burrow a hole in your heart, in your soul--

"hey," megumi takes a step towards you. and then, before you can blink the tears out of your eyes, reassure him that it's fine, his arms are around your waist.

he nuzzles his face into your side, squeezing tighter than you thought a little boy could.

theres only a second of this before tsumiki's on your other side, and squeezing just as hard.

your hands fall on both of their backs, and you take a breath that feels more like never breathing again. your lungs won't fill, and your chest is incomplete

but they stand there with you, and eventually, your heart begins to match theirs, and their little hands keep you together.

you can't cry, but you really want to.

satoru's entire body feels different.

he knows what it's lacking, the changes he's made in a short period of time--giving himself no time to acclimate, no pause where he slowly adapts to the differences.

he misses you.

it's been like this before--when suguru left and satoru couldn't bear to look at himself in the mirror, nonetheless you in the eyes--but it's never felt so severe.

because you're right there. you've been there every day, waking him up, making the kids breakfast, laughing when megumi bullies him, smiling at tsumiki's attempts at mediating.

you're there in the morning, in the afternoon, and every night. you're right there for him--and he can't say a word.

he doesn't want this, this thing to be real.

denial is his favorite emotion, and recently, he can't even muster the strength to go through with it.

and now, he feels even more hopeless, lacking, never ever enough.

but he walks through the door because he has nowhere else to go. he has no other home--besides the three of you.

it's dark outside when he comes back, and the door is unlocked, so he knows that you've been waiting. that you had to deal with the aftermath of shouted voices and scared children who he felt lurking behind a wall before he got the chance to think about any of it.

he needs to talk to you. satoru knows that, he really does. but he's not sure what to say.

he could apologize for tonight--could tell you that he won't make any more decisions, that he won't wreck this thing you've built--but it's not enough.

he should probably apologize for the last seven years. for letting himself grow attached to you, and then continue to hold you at arms length. he should probably apologize for being himself, for being less than he could be.

but those words feel too rotten to say aloud.

so, when he walks up to your door, waiting to feel your obvious presence--to see it, like he always does, the wall of cursed energy that you are--he feels like running away again.

you don't even need to know that he's home. satoru could go to bed, and he could probably pretend that nothing happened in the morning and you would follow along.

but he doesn't want to do that. not to you.

and he needs to see you, needs to say something before he figures it all out--should he leave, or stay? should he continue to push you away to protect you? should he tell you all of it?

it doesn't matter, he knows, because he probably won't be able to do any of it.

and for the first time in years, satoru makes sure to knock before he opens your door. just a small repetition of his knuckles, but he might as well be breaking down a tradition.

there's no answer, but he's not waiting, so he creaks the door open, looking for you immediately.

and he sees you, lying in bed.

and he sees your shoulders shaking slightly, with you curled up in the fetal position, and he can hear the sniffle before the door is all the way open.

there's no choice, he knows. he's not going to let you cry yourself to sleep without saying anything. he's not going to leave you alone.

you don't turn around, but satoru knows that you must know he's there. he walks across the floor, sitting at the edge of your bed, waiting for you to turn to him.

and yell, maybe. tell him to leave again. tell him that you don't want to look at him anymore.

but you don't move. your shaking is slightly stifled, and satoru can tell that you're trying to keep your breathing low, to keep him from noticing you cry.

it's foolish, really, because satoru hasn't missed a single detail about you since he was seventeen.

he doesn't say anything, but it's a natural reflex to tap your legs, to stand and slip off his shoes, gently pushing you off of the edge of the bed, towards the middle.

and then he's laying there, curling his limbs around yours, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you into him.

immediately, there's a release somewhere inside of him. that yearning--that ridiculous need is finally satiated.

satoru swallows. he needs to say something, he knows, but he's not sure what. should he apologize right now? should he tell you that he hates it when you cry--that he never feels more desperate to be more than in moments like this?

should he whisper that he loves you, just to get it off his chest?

but you cough, body shuttering as you relax into him, never pushing him away. and your voice is so small when you say, "you can't leave."

satoru feels the pieces of him crack into even more.

he tries to hold you tighter, but you move in his hold, turning so that you're facing him, and you nuzzle your face into his neck--trying to hide, but making sure that he's there.

your hands cling onto him, leaving marks.

he can feel your tears against his skin, your entire body on overdrive.

"you can't leave," you repeat, voice breaking. satoru feels it against the very outline of his soul.

"okay," he says, quickly. "i won't."

"i can't lose you too."

he pales, body going still. his heart might stop for a moment. "you won't. i'm not going anywhere." he sighs. "i'm sorry."

"i can't--" you're still crying, and you begin to shake again. "i can't do this without you. i won't."

"you don't have to."

"you can't leave, satoru," you say, leaning up to meet his eyes--yours glistening with years full of hurt, a lifetime of secrets and unsaid words. "please don't leave."

"i won't," he repeats, feeling a bit desperate. what can he say to prove to you that he's not like everyone else? that he would trap you within his atoms, if he could? that he would stay in this bed, holding you, even if it meant nothing, forever?

there's nothing, he knows. nothing but the truth. but that doesn't come out--it can't, now. it's not the right time.

so instead, satoru wipes the tears from your face, even though they're replaced immediately, your breath coming in short, short bursts. he wraps his arm around your back, pulling you back to him again.

"i'm sorry," you whisper against his skin, so quietly that he can barely hear it.

"i'm not going anywhere," he answers.

and, just for tonight, it's enough.

he'll fix the rest of it tomorrow.

next part | series masterlist

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monamourbladie · 8 months

Note

AHH OKAY SO.. this feels so weird typing out but IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE CAN YOU WRITE LIKE PROTECTIVE/POSSESSIVE DAN HENG IL? idk how to describe it aaa like.. id imagine because he is a vidyadhara, they stay with their lovers for life, so he's be like very protective over his lover. maybe smut but its up to you!!!!!!!

Possessive Dan Heng/IL head canons

okay firstly i wanna say i was sitting on this ask for days bc i was trying to think of a possible plot but I couldn’t:( so i’m just gonna do some head cannons, i hope you don’t mind! I’ll be including some nsfw ones at the end too don’t worry :)) and thank u for being my first request on this blog hehe~

Dan Heng:

alright, so Dan is a very reserved and kept to himself kinda guy as we can see on the Express. he doesn’t show his emotions a lot and he’s kind of hard to read

you’re one of the few people that can read him like a book due to how close you guys are and how much he trusts you. like, even MARCH couldn’t get him to open up as much as he does with you

so when he’s upset, you just know. like it’s so obvious to you and you alone lol

so let’s say you’re out in Belobog and he’s speaking with March & Stelle when some guy comes up to you and starts chatting with you

initially he wouldn’t think much of it until he starts hearing laughter from you, and then all his attention is on you and him. like, why are you laughing at his jokes? what’s he even doing talking to you??

he’d just kind of keep his distance and just watch. nobody else really understands what he’s doing, but you can immediately recognize the coldness in his eyes as he’s glaring daggers at the man.

eventually he’d have enough when he notices him starting to touch your arm and he immediately walks over, keeping a calm & collected stature

“y/n! there you are, i was wondering where you ran off to.” he’s walk up behind you and wrap his arm around your waist, keeping you pressed close against him.

your cheeks would flush and you’d immediately lean into him, feeling better now that he’s here and can scare the guy off. “i was just waiting for our drinks.”

“and speaking with me. i was offering to give her a tour around Belobog, since she’s new,” the man said with a smile to her. dan’s grip would tighten around your waist and he’s grit his teeth.

your drink would be called and he’d move away for just a moment - (it helped that you were waiting by the counter, anyway) and grabbed your drinks for you, handing you one and kissing your forehead as he did so, “that’s sweet, but we already have a tour guide. let’s go.”

he’d grab your hand and fast walk you away, his heart almost aching from the exchange.

you always understood how sensitive he is about you dating him, since he’s been so heavily traumatized by his previous marriage in his past life. any scenario where you could leave him in any way terrifies him more than he wants to admit.

“was that supposed to be intimidating?” march would comment with a giggle as they walked over. dan simply sighed as he handed march her drink, “leave it, march.”

you’d look up at him with a soft smile and tilt his face to look down at you. you’d grin and kiss his lips longingly, “don’t worry, sweetheart. i was just being nice and keeping conversation.”

this eased his mind greatly - it’s not like he doesn’t trust you, he’s just extremely insecure and fearful about losing his loved ones, even to a random stranger in a planet they have no plans to stay on.

back at the hotel when you’re alone though? that’s another story. he doesn’t feel the need to keep his usual reserved facade up, and you know that.

the moment the door is shut, he’s immediately behind you, his arms trailing up yours as he peppers kisses up the back of your neck, “i hated seeing him speak with you, you know that?” he’d mutter against your skin.

you’d hum and close your eyes as you leaned into his touch, knowing this was going to be a pleasantly long night. “were you jealous, baby?” you’d playfully tease him.

he’d let out a low growl against your skin as his grip on you tightened, moving you in his arms so you’re pressing your chest against his own. he leaned down and started to kiss against your jawline up to your ear, “i don’t get jealous. i get protective.”

“you’re so jealous,” you’d giggle, moving your head so you could kiss his lips instead. he’d kiss you back harshly to immediately shut you up, beginning to walk the two of you slowly over to the bed as you’d kiss

he’d pin you down against the bed quickly, his kisses getting more feverish as his hands start exploring your body, “that’s enough out of you. you’re my girl.”

you’d squirm under his touch in enjoyment, cheeks flushing red from being called his girl. you loved when you got him to act all touchy, especially when he was riled up like this.

he would absolutely tease you all throughout the night just to get you so riled up that you’d just be panting and begging for him to finally let you have your release.

he’d click his tongue and lean in against your ear, his fingers teasing you unbearably slowly as you squirmed. he wouldn’t let you have your release until you cried out that you were his and only his, reaffirming him in the best way.

he’d lean down and kiss you heatedly as he pumped his fingers quickly to push you over the edge, “good girl, that’s right… you belong to me, no one else…”

youd cry out as he helped you through your high, “o-only yours, dan… f-fuck…��

there was literally nothing he adored more than seeing you a sobbing, moaning mess all because of him. part of you wondered if you should get him possessive more often if he would treat you so nicely afterwards…

Imbibitor Lunae:

if you thought dan heng was closed off and reserved, dan feng was another level. we all know everyone described him as cold and uncaring, but when it came to you? he was a total opposite and an absolute sweetheart.

he had his moments of being a typical brooding dragon, but the love he has for you is so immense that it outweighed every once of coldness in his heart and actions

it honestly surprised most of the quintet when he announced that you two started dating, because out of everyone they expected to actually get a girlfriend the high elder himself was last on the list — let alone a short life species such as yourself.

dan feng does not like showing any ounce of PDA in public by any means. in the public eye, he only would have his arm around you if you were walking around, or occasionally held your hand. he would never kiss you if he knew a lot of people would be seeing it

at least that’s how he acted early on in your relationship. this lead to most people thinking you were single, so it was not uncommon that you would have guys flirt with you right in front of him.

the first time dan feng noticed a drunk guy coming into you hardcore, it made his blood boil. unlike dan heng, dan feng was totally cool with showing off his angry side.

he immediately stormed right up and got between the two of you, resting his hand against your chest and glaring at the man, “i think it’s best if you leave.”

the man scoffed as he crossed his arms, “actually, it would be best if you left. i was having a great time with her.”

dan felt his blood boil and he glared at him, “that’s my fiancée, and i suggest you get away from her immediately.”

“or what?” the man spat back. “for being her fiancé, you certainly don’t act like one.” without thinking, dan shoved the man against the wall, his arm pressed firmly over his chest, “you have some nerve to speak to your High Elder in such a way. I told you — stay away from her. you should be thankful i’m not throwing you into the Shackling Prison for being an ass.”

the man’s eyes widened as he started sobering up enough to realize how badly he fucked up. he squeaked and nodded furiously, “i-i’m so sorry, your highness! it won’t happen again!”

he’d step back and let him run off quickly. turning back to you he saw your cheeks burning red with embarrassment, and his demeanor immediately changed back to stoic. he approached you and began to walk away with you, his hand wrapped around your waist, “i believe i owe you an apology. i didn’t realize i wasn’t acting as much of a fiancé as I thought i was.”

and ever since that day, he made sure he always had his arm around you in some way, and made it very, very clear that you were his fiancée.

he’d pretty much be the same as dan heng, except way more passionate and dominating about it. he’s not afraid to entirely let his guard down in private with you, especially about anything sexual, so absolutely be prepared for a long, pleasure filled night

he’d be very dominate but definitely a pleasure dom … most of the time lol, other times he’d just be absolutely rough with you if he was really, really feeling jealous or possessive

he would not be afraid to leave a lot of marks - it made him proud that others would absolutely know you’re taken just by one glance at your neck, and he wasn’t ashamed of it, either. he knew he fucked up early on, and he made sure to always make up for it, especially in bed

and yes — part of the reason why he’s so protective over you is because you are a short life species. it absolutely destroys him that while you will grow old and spend the rest of your life with him, he cannot share the same blessing with you, and he absolutely hates himself for it. it’s not fair.

that’s why any time anyone tried anything with you, he’d get so angry over it because how dare they flirt with his one and only?

he also gave 0 fucks that some vidyadharans did not approve of you, in fact he loves to flaunt it in their faces now and kiss you at public events when he hears people murmur about the high elder and his “short-life woman.”

moral of the story, don’t fuck with the high elder’s woman or you’re a dead man

i hope this is what u had in mind alenfhehddhhd thank you for the request 🫶🏻

#honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #masterlist #dan heng #dan feng #imbibitor lunae #dan heng x reader #dan feng x reader #imbibitor lunae x reader #dan heng il x reader

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dilfl0v3rss · 10 months

Text

all yours

when it came to your safety, onyankopon played zero games. if he felt even the slightest bit of worry he had no problem getting you from wherever you may be. there have been times where you’ve been walked out of parties, stores, and even something as little as a smoke sesh with your girls. if ony felt you were unsafe you were going home no questions asked, and you honestly didn’t have an issue with it. feeling a sense of pride in having a man that cares so deeply for you. that was until tonight…

the two of you were at your friend ivy’s place for her big housewarming party when you were getting weird stares from a couple hating ass bitches. ivy didn’t want her party to be small so she told each person she invited to tell some friends to come as well. which led to this weird ass bitch brielle hearing about the party and deciding to curse everyone with her presence. brielle was an old fling of ony’s that he been cut off like a year ago, but she’s so thick in the head that she still runs her mouth about him to this very day. you, being the classy woman you are, have been ignoring the bitch because it honestly was sad of her to be acting like this, but today she reached her limit.

when you and ony first arrived everything was great. “heyy bitchhhh. so glad y’all could make ittt.” ivy screamed as she welcomed you and ony into her new home. ony greeted her with a small “wassup, thank you for havin’ us” before letting you have the floor, walking towards jean and connie to talk. “hey boooo. this place is niceeee you gotta let me spend the night sooon” the two of you talked for awhile before she let you go to get a drink from the kitchen. as you filled your red solo cup halfway with casamigos you noticed some girls approaching where your boyfriend and his friends were. before being able to move, you were stopped by sasha, mikasa and.

sasha was the first to talk. “you peep that shit right?” she said, nodding her head towards the girls. you knew if one of your friends was going to say something about what was going on it would be sasha. mikasa was on the quieter side, but best believe when it came to you she didn’t play either. “yea i see em. that bird ass bitch and her lil flock of pigeons tryna play games” the three of you watched as brielle and her little sidekicks were all up in you boyfriend’s faces. brielle being the main one, lightly hitting ony’s chest while she laughed. her red bussdown was flowing behind her as she pushed it over her shoulder, purposely trying to bounce her tiddies as she “fixed” her hair.

being the levelheaded woman you are, you decided against approaching them. knowing that you’d probably knock the bitches head off her shoulders if you went anywhere near her right now. so you pulled out your phone and sent ony a quick and simple text. ony looked at his phone almost immediately, knowing it was you who texted him since he had it on dnd for everyone else.

my wife💐

‘tell that bitch move around or ima drag her outta here omm😐’

as soon as he read the text, ony lifted his head and began searching for you. soon he locked eyes with yours, excusing himself from whatever conversation was going on and making his way to the kitchen. “what’s wrong now?” is this nigga dumb? did he not just see and feel that bitch being weird touching on him? “nun bruh just tell that hoe to keep her distance. that hair look new and i’d hate to have that shit on the floor” as the two of you conversed you couldn’t help but peep ivy and her friends start to mug you and your girls. eventually making their way towards you. before you can even point it out your thoughts were cut off by sasha. “yea i’m finna flip dis hoe. got me all the way fucked up.”

ony watched your friends start to remove their earrings and adjust their clothes, and being the nonconfrontational man that he was he decided it was time for you to go. “go tell ivy we leavin’ and wait f’me in the car ma. i’ll get you a slice of ca-” “nah i’m good right here.” you cut him off, eager to see what this bitch was on. as they approached y’all you see that sasha and mikasa were quick to be at your side, standing face to face with each of brielle’s friends. “you got a problem wit me shawty?” brielle smirked, looking you up and down and taking pride in pissing you off. but your mouth was smart and even though it got you in trouble with your man, there was nothing you couldn’t handle when it came to other people.

“nah but you seem to have a problem that i got the nigga you want” you spit back with a smile. you could see that your comment got under her skin. she was rolling her eyes as she replied. “nah ion got a problem when i know i can have em right back anytime. like last saturday for instance.” this bitch is a liar and you knew it. laughing at loud as both her and your friends looked at you confused. last saturday ony was home the entire day, and you can only remember it so vividly because he had you face down in the mattress for cursing him out over being late to brunch. you also remembered it so vividly because he recorded most of it on your phone. “tuhh bitch please pick a different lie because you know damn well he was with me. now are we gon sit here and chit chat or you tryna take this outside cause ian really with allat talkin’. ”

before the bird could reply, ony stepped in the middle of yall and tried to play the mediator. “y/n. get in the car, now. and brielle, what we had been over for a long ass time now. give that shit up and move on.” you backed down, feeling that no bitch was worth getting into it with your man. you were lowkey tired of being the bigger person, but knew i’d be better this way than just fighting and possibly ruining your friends party. as you made your way around ony, you gave brielle the illest mug ever to let her know that even though you’re leaving, you still ain’t no bitch. it wasn’t even five seconds since you left the kitchen where you can hear the bitch starting up again. “i don’t know why you still dealin’ wit that bitch. don’t you miss me ponpon?” brielle said in a baby like voice.

“nah chill wit that bitch word bro. and you really needa stop running your fuckin’ mouth bout her too cause i may not be here next time to stop her” you smiled while ony shut that bitch down. you knew he was more on the calm side so hearing him raise his voice a little turned you on. “oh please nigga you know damn well her shit nowhere as good as mine. used to have your soul leaving your body and allat. you can act like you don’t miss me but ik that dick think otherwise.” that was it for you. it was in the blink of an eye when you were dragging that bitch outside by her hair. honestly you needed whatever glue she got bc her shit wasn’t moving an inch. as you pulled her down the steps of ivy’s porch, you felt ony trying to grab at your wrists.

“mama let her hair go right now.” he yelled. you whip your head to the side, face to face with your man as he stared at you with a warning in his eyes. your fingers instantly straightened before brielle dropped to the ground. the stare this man was giving you made your heart start pumping rapidly. through his eyes you could tell that he was saying “don’t test me”, and you had no intention of finding out what would happen if you did. it was almost instantly when ony grabbed the top of your arm, quickly walking you to his car. most of the people were already outside, migrating there as they watched you drag brielle from the kitchen to the porch. ony opened your door and you sat down, ready to leave this whole day behind already. before you could close the door you heard brielle yapping again.

“fuck you bitch you can have the nigga. ain’t nun but a piece of dick anywayssss.” you hopped out the car and sprinted towards brielle with a quickness. as she seen you approaching she tried to square up but her hands were trash. punches were flying from everywhere, connecting right to her face every time. you honestly didn’t really care too much about what she said about you, but when it came to your boyfriend there was a line to be crossed. and she stomped right over it. “keep. my. man. name. out. your. fuckin’. mouth. bitch.” she was now laid on the floor with her arms shielding her bleeding face while you continued to throw blows her way. sasha seen her friends inching up about to jump in and shut it down immediately. “if you move anotha inch ima start swinging too. we don’t do nun of that jumping shit so i wish you would try so i can fuck you up right here.”

her friends looked at each other before back up completely, not wanting any problemsm. before long you felt strong arms wrap around you, lifting you off the ground and away from brielle. you were thrown into the backseat of ony’s car before he turned the child lock on, not being able to trust you to not open the door and attack again. he made his way to the front seat and threw a handful of tissue towards you from the glove compartment. the two of you were driving home in complete silence as you wiped your hands clean. usually your man would be lecturing you right now, but there was a calmness to him that frightened you. “umm…are you mad at me?”

he ignored you, asking his own question instead. “why do you get so jealous?” he mumbled, glancing at you in the rear view mirror. you rolled your eyes, acting as if what he was saying was the most ridiculous thing in the world when in actuality, he was right. you knew that ony and brielle been done way before you even came in the picture, but the thought of him even being with her made you feel a way. ony knew you very well and he could tell how you were feeling regardless of what you did or said.

“mama how many times i gotta tell you i’m only yours huh? why can’t you just trust me?” his grip on the steering wheel tightened as he kept replaying the nights events over and over again in his head. “how you expect me to trust you when you okay wit letting bitches be in your face? bitches you used to fuck!” you yelled, holding back tears as you moved your gaze out the window. ony opened his mouth to speak, but decided against going back and forth with you any longer. “we’ll fix this at my crib. not finna argue wit you in the car”

when the two of you made it to his apartment, ony wasted no time, leading you to his room before sitting you down on his lap. “so why you don’t trust me?” he asked, his handing running all over your back as he awaited your reply. you looked at the ground tears threatening to spill from your eyes as you tried your hardest to keep your voice from wavering. “i do” ony sucked his teeth at your words, lightly grabbing your chin and facing you towards him so you could see the knowing look he was giving you. “don’t lie mama, you said it in the car. why don’t you trust me?” the tears you’ve been fighting finally broke free as you quickly covered your eyes and sobbed into his lap. “i-it’s not you pa. i-i was just a little jealous b’cause you were letting her….her-” your cries took most of your breath from you, making you have to stop in the middle of your sentence so you can take a breath. “sh sh sh i get it baby. how you want me t’fix it huh?”you shrugged your shoulders at his question, not having an idea on how he could make this horrible night any better. “a-any way you can”

a soft smile made its way to ony’s face as he lightly pushed you down on your back. he removed your bottoms before slowly getting on his knees. “this way okay?” he asked, chuckling at how you eagerly nodded your head as an answer. it wasn’t long before ony had you a blabbering mess, his fingers digging into you slowly as he took in each of you pretty face expressions. “say it again baby” your back was arched off the bed as you repeated the words ony planned to have to chanting all night. “y-you’re all mine shitt” your moans made his dick grow stiff in his pants as ony looked at the sight of your glistening wet pussy. he quickly pulled his fingers out, laying his tongue flat on your clit before eating you out sloppily.

the feeling of his skilled tongue made you scream as you pushed and pulled on his head. “again” he mumbled into your pussy, too addicted to fully take his mouth away as he looked up at your pretty face. “all mine daddy a-all mine” ony sucked softly on your clit, letting his tongue run all over it in his mouth to quickly grab an orgasm out of you. his tactic worked, making him smile as he felt your juices begin to rush out of you and wet his chin. “good girl mama”

ony stood up in front of you, taking in the sight of your post orgasmic glow as he rubbed himself through his sweatpants. the sight of his bulge made you whine in want as you slowly leaned up to free him from his pants. ony quickly grabbed your hand, giving you a soft expression before lightly pushing flat onto the bed. “s’not about me right now mama. let me do this for you ‘kay?” you nodded your head at his words, making ony give you a like tap on your thigh to make you jump. “lemme hear your voice” at the sound of the small “yes” you gave him, ony slowly freed his dick from the confines of his sweats before lining it up with your tight entrance. “say it again”

“you’re all m-….ohmygoddd” the feeling of his thick dick sinking into your walls made a pretty cry fall from your lips. your back arching off the bed as your hand quickly flew to his wrists. ony didn’t let up, his pace slow, but his thrusts deep as he dug into you with love. “yea m’all yours mama. who dick is it?” your eyes were already at the back of your skull. small whimpers falling from your lips as you tried your hardest not to let your mind drift off into the clouds. “s’m….s’mine daddy” your words were slurred as you felt his dick begin to kiss your cervix in a way that made you want to scream. “ooouuu fuckkk”

ony’s pace began to quicken. the force of his quicker thrusts making your body begin to jerk a little on the sheets. he slowly pulled up your shirt, freeing your perky breasts before leaning down to latch his mouth onto one of your nipples. the feeling of his wet tongue on the sensitive bud making you grow wetter as you caressed the back of his head. you knew there would be marks in the morning, but you didn’t care. letting your man prove to you how much he loves and cares about you through making sweet love to your body. ony released your nipple with a small pop before moving up to your neck.

the dark purple marks were already beginning to form in both of the areas as he slowly moved his lips to your ear. “say it again f’me mama. don’t want you t’forget” as ony waited for your reply, he leaned up from your body, staring down at you lovingly before pulling out of you completely. you matched his gaze, your brown eyes big and watery as you told him the words he longed to hear. “you’re mine” with that ony flipped you onto your stomach, quickly thrusting back into you before fucking you at a fast pace. his dick kissed all the right places in you as you cried out into the air. “oh…oh my goddd daddy right there!” ony smirked as you continued to moan for him. he just started and you were already ready to make a mess all over the sheets. the sloppy sounds of his dick stroking your pussy ringing through the air as proof.

“s’too soon, need you t’hold it f’me ma. can you do that?” you quickly nodded your head, earning you a hard snap of his hips that made you yelp in pleasurable pain. “what i tell you before? talk t’me baby” he was pounding you into the sheets now, your back arched to perfection as ony kept a hand on your back and another at the top of your ass. “i….i can hold it daddy” a smile spread into ony’s brown features as he listened to your whiny voice. your pussy fluttering as you felt his thumb rub over your tight hole. “you want me to?” he asked, chuckling at how quickly you whined out a “yes daddy….please”. ony moved his hand before letting his spit drip from his mouth to your ass.

lightly rubbing his spit outside the brown hole before he lightly fed it the tip of his thumb. you moaned at the sensation, throwing yourself back on him to get more if his dick along with poking your ass out more. “greedy thing” he groaned before fully sheathing his tumb inside of you. the sight made his dick twitch as ony began to fuck you harder and faster. occasionally stroking your puckering hole with his thumb to keep you on edge.

“you trust me now baby?” he breathed, the sight and sound of your pretty moans and even prettier body making it hard for him not to want to shoot his load deep inside of you. “y-yes daddy….with my life”

“you gon cut out the jealousy shit?” ony began to pound into you, using his free hand to push your arch down deeper as he quickly fucked the both of you closer to your orgasms. “mmm..mhm n-no more” the feeling of his long dick repeatedly hitting your g spot made your legs shake under you as you began to soak the sheets under you with drool. “say it one more time for me beautiful and we gon cum together” tears fell from your eyes at the rush of emotions flowing through your body right now. the feeling of love and trust being the most powerful as you felt the coil in your stomach begin to snap.

“you’re all mine”

#aot x black reader #onyankopon x black reader #onyankopon x reader #aot onyankopon #onyankopon x black!reader #aot smut #aot onyankopon x black y/n #aot onyankopon x black reader #aot onyankopon x black!reader #onyankopon aot #aot onyankopon smut #ony x black reader #onyankopon smut

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cameronspecial · 3 months

Text

Good Terms With The In-Laws

Pairing: Drew Starkey x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.6K

Summary: Y/N and Drew broke up a long time ago, so why does he still go to movie night with her parents every Friday?

A/N: This is inspired by this post.

Masterlist

Y/N and Drew broke up six months ago. It was a mutual decision between the pair; they just felt like it wasn’t working out anymore. He is always away at work and this leaves her at home by herself. After the breakup, she moved in with her parents for moral support and because she couldn’t find anywhere else to live yet. It would be hard for her to go back to living by herself after four years of living with Drew. They had been dating since they both graduated from university, so the breakup was a big change in their lives. Yet one thing doesn’t change in their life and that is Drew’s weekly hang out with her father and mother, which becomes more weekly because of the SAG strike. He’ll bring over dinner and watch a movie with her parents every Friday. When they were dating, she used to join the tradition, but the split has made it awkward. Now, she goes over to a friend’s house until he leaves. This week, she has nowhere to go so she’ll just stay locked up in her room. She is watching TV when she gets a notification on her phone.

Your dad isn’t picking up his phone so let your parents know that I am going to be there in about ten minutes with the wings. She rolls her eyes at his text. We broke up six months ago. Why are you still doing this? When is it going to end? She watches as the three dots get replaced by a text. It’s just a dude having dinner and watching a movie with a married couple. That’s not a crime, Y/N. She leaves him without a response and goes back to her show. Around eight minutes later, the doorbell rings. She waits for her parents to answer it, but swears up a storm when she remembers that they went out to get some drinks for tonight.

She opens the door to find Drew. His gaze is on the empty driveway and he turns toward her. “Your parents aren’t home,” he states, stepping in and going to the living room to set the food on the coffee table. She shrugs, “They’ll be back soon. They went to get drinks.” She is stopped from going back to her room by Drew. “We haven’t seen each other in months and that’s all we are going to say to each other,” he questions. She turns to him with furrowed brows, “We broke up a long time ago, Drew. What do you want me to say? I don’t understand why you are still doing movie night with my parents?”

“Because it’s good to be on good terms with your in-laws.”

“Good terms with your in-laws? Drew, did you hit your head? We broke up.”

“I know, but we both know that that isn’t permanent.”

He closes the distance between them so she feels his breath on her face. Her neck cranes to look up at him, “What are you talking about?” “Let’s be honest. You broke up with me and I went along with it because I could see you needed space. But eventually, I was going to make you realize that although my work takes me all over the world, I’m going to do everything in my power to not make you feel alone,” he tells her, taking her hand in his. “Because my heart was made for you, so only you can have it. You take as much time as you need and when you are ready to get back together, I’ll be here waiting for you.” Her parents come back home at that moment, which means she can make her exit back to her room without Drew’s knowledge. Her heart is pounding like a race track. She can’t believe what he just said, but what if he is right?

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @victory-in-the-llama @drewsmusee @starkowswife

#drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey fanfiction #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey fic #drew starkey one shot #drew starkey oneshot #drew starkey x female reader #drew starkey x you

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inuyashaluver · 4 months

Note

Hey, would you write for Leila Ouahabi, where Spanish reader plays for arsenal and is really close with Katie due to being 2 years younger than her so Katie took the reader under her wing when she joined from Barca and Leila accidentally harshly tackled reader and katie is really protective over reader and this fuels some sort of jealousy in Leila.

You don’t have to. Also I Love your writing amor x

jealous girl - leila ouahabi

leila ouahabi x reader

description: in which you see your girlfriend jealous, a rare occurrence in your relationship

warnings: slight angst if you squint, mentions of jealousy, injury, swearing and suggestiveness, a little long, spanish in bold italics

a/n: ahhh thank you for the love and support lovely, please enjoy!!!! don’t know how i feel about this but we persevere!

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you and your girlfriend, leila, were next door neighbours in spain when you were just kids. you would peer at each other over the fence, both of you would be practising football drills and wanted to play together but you were both too shy. you finally met when she “accidentally” kicked a ball over to your side, the girl climbing over the fence to retrieve it.

“hi” she breathes out, one of her legs hiked over the fence as you stared up at her with wide eyes, holding her ball. “hi” you smile, she finally drops herself onto the grass in your backyard. you shyly hand her the ball in your hands and she smiles at you appreciatively. “do you want to play together?” she suggests with a smile, “yes!” you exclaim a little too enthusiastically, the girl just giggles at you, throwing the ball on the ground and kicking it to you.

ever since then, you were inseparable. you and leila played at all the same clubs, eventually moved in together, pined over each other for years until she asked you out when you were 20 and leila was 24. it was easy to say that you knew each other like the back of your hand. you both had so much trust, love and respect for each other, feeling so comforted and secure in your relationship, until it wasn’t.

when you and leila played for barcelona, you both felt it was time for a change, your managers were looking at transfer openings and landed you both one in arsenal and manchester city.

you were each others biggest supporters, it was a no brainer that you could do long distance, sure you’d never really been apart but you could visit each other often, you both trusted each other and knew it would be okay, the girls in both of your teams helping you settle in nicely.

katie mccabe, in particular, took you under her wing, claiming that you reminded her a lot of her younger sisters. it’s notoriously known that katie is a defender, and a good one at that, whether it was on or off the pitch, she would defend you with her entire being. leila was grateful that katie was there for you, acting as your protector while she was in manchester, though her heart would slightly crack that it wasn’t her.

—

it was the last game of the season, manchester city vs arsenal. whenever you and leila had to play against each other, it made you extremely nervous. you were a winger, leila was a defender, she would be marking you and that was scary for not only you, but your girlfriend as well. you knew how the other played, you could barely get a goal when your girlfriend synchronised all her moves with you, it was nerve wracking.

you’d both met up before the match, engulfing each other in a tight embrace. as soon as you saw one another, bright expressions were prominent on your features, you’d seen each other a week before but it was too long for both of you.

“mi amor (my love)” leila coos, cradling your face in between her hands, moving your head around gently to take in your appearance.

“you got prettier, how did you get any more beautiful?” she tutts, gently shaking her head.

you giggle at her lovingly, wrapping your arms around her waist and littering numerous kisses on her cheeks. “you’re so gorgeous, bebé (baby), i missed you so much” she smiles so brightly at you, surging forward to press a sweet kiss to your lips, moving your mouth along with hers gently until she slightly moves away, “i missed you more” she whispers, the words hitting your lips as she spoke.

you grin when she kisses you immediately after, unable to hold your giggle when she slips a hand under your jersey to graze her nail on the skin of your waist. she grins when you lean into her, pecking your lips multiple times before she pulls away. “give it your all,'' she flickers her eyes between yours, she speaks so softly, you almost don’t hear her. “you as well” you kiss her cheek gently one more time before pushing her from you.

“you’re in my residence now, ouahabi, gunners only!” you wave your finger around, the emirates stadium walls full of arsenal memorabilia. you grin at her cheekily, she shakes her head at you and blows you a kiss before running off to her change room, you doing the same.

“with your little girlfriend, aye?” katie smirks when you walk in with slightly swollen lips and flushed cheeks. “shut it, katie” you mumble, giving her a playful punch when you sit down next to her in your cubby.

“all right, girls, let’s do this!” kim glances around the room, all of you cheer and make your way to the tunnel.

—

you and leila were both starting, you couldn’t help but smirk at her when she walks up to high five you in the line just before the match, you were last and so was she, so when she got to you, she throws you a cheeky wink and interlaces your fingers quickly, giving your hands a quick squeeze before walking off.

after a quick team huddle, you walk towards your girlfriend, she was marking you on the pitch. when you walk up to her, both of you have identical smirks gracing your features, all of it friendly competition.

when you finally take your place in front of her, you feel her hands seeking refuge on your hips, the girl giving you a light squeeze before placing a hand on the small of your back when the whistle signals the beginning of the match.

the game was going well, leila was keeping you hot on your toes. you knew your movements all too well, completely synchronised with your footwork and your tactics, after all, she’s been playing with you for over 10 years.

when she clears the ball from you for the fifth time, you can’t help but let out a groan of frustration, the girl behind you giggling and running her hands all over your sides, mockingly, leaning to whisper in your ear. “nice try, lindura (cutie)”, you shake her off you and try and get the ball back.

arsenal was in the lead and it was a relief, you were always on the ball but leila just had you running in circles, your teammates were equally frustrated. half time gets called and you grab leila’s hand, dragging her into the tunnel to get out of the public eye. everyone and their mother knew that you were dating, being long time partners in crime, you just didn’t want them to see you scolding your lovely girlfriend.

“leila” you start, letting go of her hand and pacing in front of her. she cringes when you use her first name, she was definitely in trouble. “you need to stop distracting me and take me seriously!” you groan, pointing at her accusingly but all you were met with was a shit eating grin from your girlfriend. “leila!” you exclaim, looking at her expectantly for a response.

“amorcito (little love), i am taking you seriously but i haven’t seen you in so long and you’re killing me in these shorts” she puts a finger in the waistband, pulling it back slightly to let it snap back on your skin, you both flush a little in the cheeks. “nope, not gonna work, we’re not girlfriends right now, i’m your opponent” she nods begrudgingly, moving forward to kiss your lips quickly.

your eyes widen and you look at her in disbelief. “so you go around kissing your opponents? you have a girlfriend!” you gasp, she can’t help but smirk, moving to whisper in your ear again, “if they look like you, maybe i’ll consider” you give her a light shove, going to your change room and shaking your head as you hear leila’s bright laugh following you.

—

the game continues, it was currently 2-1 and everyone was getting frustrated, especially manchester city, their play style was getting slightly rough and reckless, including your girlfriend. leila finally let you have a chance to the ball, you pass to kim, and she does a small play with victoria before making eye contact with you to press forward.

you instantly move up, running the long distance when you see alessia open and ready with an opportunity, when you receive the ball, you send it to her, and, as it leaves your foot, you get clipped at the ankle. a searing pain causes you to instantly fall to the ground, lying there hunched up in a ball. you hear the roar of the crowd, alessia had gotten the goal from your assist.

when you open your eyes, your team was celebrating, until you hear shouting from next to you. your girlfriend and katie were getting into it during the goal celebration. as it turns out, leila had clipped your ankle, completely by accident, and just when she was about to pick you up and apologise, katie bounded over to her, giving her a harsh shove to get her away from you.

“what the fuck was that, ouahabi?” katie exclaims, giving your girlfriend a shove on her chest. leila’s eyes widen in confusion, “what are you talking about?”

leila scowls, giving katie a way less aggressive shove, “you know what the fuck i’m talking about, that’s your girlfriend and you fucking hurt her like that?” katie’s pissed, her eyebrows furrow in anger, “katie, please” katie and leila whip their head towards you, you were fine.

they both let out relieved sighs, katie giving you a quick kiss on your head before sending leila a warning glare before walking off, she knew leila meant no harm, but seeing you hurt just pissed her off on another level. leila moves towards you, guilt ridden in her features as she hesitantly grabs your hands. you give her a reassuring squeeze, looking into her eyes to assure her that you were okay.

“bebé (baby), it’s football, i asked you to play seriously and you did” leila frowns at your response, “yeah, never again, that was awful, i’m so sorry, mi amor (my love)” you give her a quick kiss to her cheek,

“it’s okay, i promise” she nods at your response, you quickly go over to alessia and give her a quick hug, the girl lifting you up quickly before placing you on the ground. “you’re too good” the blonde exclaims, giving you a playful grin as she passes you your water.

everyone was having a quick water break after your injury time, getting right back to the game. arsenal wins, 3-2 and a good game for the most part. you went around to exchange greetings with the manchester city team, saving leila for last. just before you’re about to go to her, you see katie approach leila, giving her a clap on the back with a quick exchange of an apology. you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

leila beckons you over, you run up to the two girls, katie slinging an arm over your shoulder. you couldn’t miss the way leila’s smile slightly dropped, she wanted to hold you like that but katie beat her to it. after a quick conversation, katie gives you a quick kiss on the top of your head before running off to find caitlin.

leila watches as she leaves and you grin at her cheekily. “what?” leila scowls, her eyebrows slightly furrowing. “you seem a little jealous, ouahabi” leila scoffs at you, crossing her arms over her chest. “as if” you grin at her, poking her crossed arms with your finger.

“oh, you so are, look at you all grumpy” you move your hand to pinch her cheek and she swats your hand away, “no i’m not! i’ll meet you at the car” she quickly moves from you, roughly taking out her shin pads as she walks, tightly clenching them in her hands, you lightly giggle as she walks away, she’s jealous, something you’ve rarely seen in her.

due to it being a home game for you, it only made sense for leila to stay over, and since it was the last game of the season, she was staying with you for a bit. you wait for her by your car, smiling when she approaches, your girlfriend slightly sulking when she arrives. you let out a little smirk but it washes away when your girlfriend glares at you, opening the driver’s side door, indicating she was driving.

you watch as she harshly grips the steering wheel as she drove, her knuckles turning slightly white, her veins popping through the skin of her forearm.

“muñeca (doll), what’s wrong?” you say cautiously, placing a gentle hand on the middle of your girlfriend’s thigh. her breath hitched at your action but her scowl stays strong amongst her features.

she doesn’t talk to you the entire ride, light music playing in the background while you both sat in silence. when she arrived at your house, she wordlessly grabs both of your bags and heads inside, leaving you utterly confused.

she changes into a pair of your shorts and a shirt and goes to sit on your couch, turning on your tv and watching mindless television as she sulks while viewing it. you can’t help but pace around her, utterly terrified of how you were going to approach the situation.

you hesitantly move to stand in front of the tv, looking down at the girl expectantly but she just glances at you before redirecting her head around your figure to continue watching the program.

you huff out in frustration, moving to straddle her lap and settle your weight on her to keep her there. she looks into your eyes with an unreadable expression. you cradle her face in between her hands, “bebé, katie is just a friend” you trail your eyes all over her face, leaning in to give her a sweet kiss on her right cheek.

she slightly clenches her jaw. she knew katie was just a friend, there was just something about how she wasn’t the one comforting you in that moment. she gives you no reaction, her eyes boring into yours as you smile softly at her. you give her another kiss this time on her left cheek. still no reaction. you give her a kiss on her forehead and her nose, giggling when it lightly scrunches up at your contact.

she fights a smile and it goes unmissed by you, placing a sweet kiss on her lips, grinning when she immediately gives in and kisses you back. only, she wasn’t returning your sweet gesture, instead, she kissed you with all her pent up frustration. she grips the back of your head, lightly grazing her teeth on your bottom lip before giving it a gentle bite, causing you to open your mouth slightly, the girl immediately slipping her tongue into your mouth.

it was a clash of tongues and teeth, the girl kissing you with all her emotions, you show her all the love you have for her. when she pulls away, she just looks at you. pink cheeked and swollen lips with dilated pupils, she knew you were hers and hers only.

“mi tigre (my tiger) is jealous, hm?” you grin mockingly, she can’t help but roll her eyes full of amusement.

“maybe a little” she shrugs, letting out a little giggle when you lean in to press a trail of kisses up her neck and across her jaw.

“tu tigre (your tiger) can make it up to you?” leila smirks suggestively, you slightly move your hips on top of her thighs so she knows you feel the same.

you lightly trace the bridge of her nose with the pad of your finger, running it gently over the top of her lips, letting out a little yelp when she bites it playfully. “hm, okay” you smirk, leaning in for another kiss, leila flipping you over so your back was pressed into the couch.

let’s just say, both of you are grateful for katie riling up your girlfriend.

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you know the drill ;)

liked by katie_mccabe11 and 44,232 others

leilaouahabi: enemies are hot

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yourname: everyone say “thank you @/katie_mccabe11” !!

↳ leilaouahabi: you know what, thank you @/katie_mccabe11

↳ katie_mccabe11: i’m lost

↳ yourname: that’s okay, honey

↳ leilaouahabi: watch it.

#woso #woso community #woso fanfics #woso one shot #woso x reader #woso imagine #leila ouahabi x reader #leila ouahabi

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togrowoldinv · 7 months

Text

Worth the Wait

Milf!Wanda Maximoff x Female Reader

When Wanda calls you after five years of no contact, you go to her house to talk to her. Some old (and some new) feelings come to light

Warnings: Smut! 18+ please! Kissing, cursing, mommy kink, oral (R and W receiving), fingering

Note: Enjoy!

Milf Wanda Masterlist, Main Masterlist

Wanda was a constant in your life until one day she wasn’t. It’s the classic story that is as old as time. She met someone and went off to start a family.

You tried not to let the distance between you two bother you, but deep down in your core it did.

Wanda had always been your friend, your shoulder to cry on, and sometimes even your release for when you both needed to just let loose. You didn’t mean to get attached to her, not really, but she was so beautiful.

Five years have passed since you last saw Wanda. So, when she called you today you didn’t know what to say. Wanda asked you to come to her home and that she needed you. For no reason other than the fact that you have feelings for her still, you drove a few hours to her house.

You stand outside now, ready to knock on the door. Your heart pounds in your chest.

“Y/n!” Wanda says when she opens the door. “Thank you for coming.”

She throws herself into your arms and hugs you. You’re taken aback but you wrap your arms around her waist eventually. You follow her inside once the hug is over.

“What’s going on, Wanda?” You ask her.

“Well, I just wanted to talk to you about some things that have happened,” Wanda says. “Please sit. I’ll get you a drink.”

You nod and sit on the couch to wait for Wanda. You notice the photos on the bookshelves that line the living room. Not one has Wanda’s husband in it.

“Hope you still like white wine,” Wanda says as she walks back into the living room.

“I do,” you say. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Wanda sits a few feet from you, careful not to be too close. You take a sip of the wine. It’s decent, but you’re too confused by this interaction to really care.

“So, I’ll just come right out and say it,” Wanda begins. “Vision and I got a divorce.”

You try not to physically react to her news. And keep your voice steady as you speak.

“I’m sorry, Wanda. That must be hard,” you say.

“It hasn’t been the easiest thing, but it’s better than how our marriage was going,” Wanda explains. There’s a hint of sadness to her voice but she seems otherwise content. “The boys are okay. They’re adjusting to the split custody.”

“May I ask why you guys called it quits?” You ask. “Only if you want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, you can ask,” Wanda says. “I guess we just weren’t in the same place in life. He was working a lot and I wanted to have more kids. It just wasn’t possible for us to get through a day without yelling at each other and ruining everything we built.”

You nod along with her words. All of these things are what you worried about happening to Wanda. You knew she settled back when she got married and started a family. Of course, you never told her that though.

“And I think that I just always wanted something different,” Wanda admits. She moves half an inch closer to you. A small amount, but you notice.

“So you’re happy now?” You ask her.

“I think I’m on my way to being happy, yes,” Wanda says. “Y/n, I’m really sorry I lost touch with you.”

“It happens.” You shrug. “You had a whole family to tend to.”

“It’s no excuse,” Wanda says. “Can I be honest?”

“Yeah, always.”

Wanda now makes a more pronounced move towards you and she sits right against you. Her thigh brushes yours. She looks deeply into your eyes.

“I pushed you away because I think I was in love with you,” Wanda says.

“Oh, Wanda, I-“

“No, you don’t have to say anything,” she says quickly. “I just- I wanted you to know.”

You shake your head. You don’t want her to change the subject. Instead, your body moves on instinct and you place your hand on her face.

“Wanda,” you whisper. “I was in love with you too.”

She gasps just a little bit and you take the opportunity to lean in and kiss her lips. It’s soft at first, slow and gentle as you remember the feeling of her lips on yours.

“Fuck, I need you,” Wanda mumbles against your lips. “I miss the way you used to touch me.”

“Yeah?” You ask. “Wanda, when’s the last time someone touched you properly?”

“The last time you did, baby,” Wanda says. “No one ever touches mommy the right way.”

Her words go straight to your core and you ache for her. Some things never change. You kiss her again. This time with all the fervency you can muster.

Your hands find their way under her shirt and you lift it over her head. Pushing Wanda back onto the couch, you get to work kissing down her neck. Wanda lets out beautiful sounds as you do so.

“God, I missed you,” Wanda says. “I want you to fuck me, baby.”

“I will, mommy,” you tell her.

You move your focus to her breasts. They’ve gotten bigger since you last had sex with her. Your fingers take on one nipple as your mouth plays with the other.

“Suck on them,” Wanda says. She pulls your head further into her. You do as she says.

When she starts getting sensitive, she whimpers at your every suckle.

“Y/n, fuck, that feels so good,” Wanda moans.

Eventually, you move down her body and slip her pants off. She’s not wearing any underwear, so you dive into her. You lick a long stripe up her wet pussy. Wanda shivers at the feeling.

“Oh, I’ve missed this. All for me,” you say before you lick at her again.

“All for you, sweetheart,” Wanda says.

You take her clit in your mouth and use your fingers to make her feel good. Wanda moans as you move your fingers in and out of her.

“I’m going to come,” Wanda says, her head thrown back in pleasure.

You pick up the pace and Wanda coats your fingers with cum. Letting her body relax, you slowly stop your movements.

When you sit up, you bring your fingers to Wanda’s mouth.

“I know you want to suck on them, Mommy,” you say.

Wanda’s mouth opens in shock but also to suck your fingers. She takes her time licking every digit clean. You feel heat pooling in your underwear at the sight.

“It’s your turn,” Wanda says.

She kisses you and practically rips your clothes off. You let her take control. Wanda lays back and pulls your hips to position your center over her face.

She licks you as her hands grip your ass. You move your hips at a quick pace to fuck yourself with her tongue.

“Wanda,” you gasp out as you get close.

“Mmm,” she hums against you, perfectly content.

You come hard against her and she cleans you up. Wanda moves back to an upright position and pulls you into her lap. She kisses you and runs her tongue along yours.

“You’ve always had my heart and my body,” Wanda says. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize that sooner.”

“We have each other now, Wanda,” you say.

“I love you,” she says.

“I love you too.”

You kiss her lips and you both are ready to taste each other again.

From that day forward, Wanda is a constant in your life again. And so are her two boys. Sometimes love just takes its sweet time, but Wanda was well worth the wait.

#wanda maximoff x reader #milf!wanda #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff comfort #wanda maximoff fluff

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whosthatfunkyrat · 6 months

Text

Chapter 26 of Crooked Kingdom is so well written,

Literally it is a chapter of conflict. And I love that So much. Everything conflicts.

The way Kaz describes things, distance distorting, feeling too far and not far enough.

The way Inej makes him feel, her gentleness making him want to not be gentle.

His thoughts, the conflicting wants.

Helping/destroying

The way she looks at the world in contrast to how he does.

The way Kaz relies on Violence to help heal her. Direct opposites. He’s been so used to being dirty hands that he doesn’t know how to be gentle without relying on the experience of violence to help him.

Also the line “I can best this” in contrast to “he could not do this”

_______

|”creating a gap, feeling both regret and release as he broke contact with her skin”|

(Not pictured bc tumblr pic limit)

Feeling both regret and release when he stops touching her.

_______

| “He secured the knot. 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. He did not step back.” |

(Not pictured because tumblr pic limit)

Disregarding his own commands.

How the sickness is there, the need to run, but so is the need for something else (alluding to his longing to be close to her)

“Kaz thought he knew the language of pain intimately, but this ache was new.”

“After all she’d endured, he was the weak one.”

How it hurts for him to stand so close to her, but it also hurts to be so far away.

“ 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 he thought wildly”

Despite the pain, he pushes himself close to her.

Him waiting for her to reject him, her accepting him.

His imagination running wild the moment he kisses her. Images of her, alive, well, images of love. Only to be replaced with images of loss, her dead body before him, eyes that were once filled with life replaced with coldness. He feels Disgust and longing twisting in him.

Kaz is always at battle with himself. His wants are constantly conflicting depending on what side of him is talking.

I think the reason the chapter conflicts with itself so much is because this is the first time we see inside Kaz’s head as he directly is confronted by his other self. Kaz Rietveld is the boy who wants to love. Who wants to beg Inej to stay. Who wants to kiss her. It was Rietveld who bent his head to her neck. It was Rietveld who wanted the net. It was Rietveld who took his gloves off. It’s Rietveld who keeps pulling on Brekker’s strings. Loosening him until he gives. Kaz cannot hold off his other self. He cannot hold off who he is deep down. The farm boy who was filled with wonder. Who is 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 filled with wonder every time he looks at Inej.

And what makes this stream of thought horrible- is that when you follow it, everything Rietveld does, everything he Wants, everything he tries- touching her- kissing her-

Every time Kaz tries- Rietveld dies again. In the harbor, with his brother’s body in his hands. Every time Kaz allows his softer side to take hold- he’s brutally murdered again. He drowns. And eventually what’s left standing is Brekker. Cruel and inhumane.

When Kaz kisses her neck, he gives into Rietveld. His mind is flooded with images of love, things he scarcely let himself imagine because he scarcely let himself Be Rietveld. Only when he hears her laugh, sees her smile, looks at her hair, her eyes, does his mind wander to the soft side- the tender side of himself. Only when he’s near Her does he wonder “what happens if I move closer?”.

He kisses her and desire corses through him, love corses through him. But then Rietveld dies at the harbor again. Her body turns into a corpse’s and all the lovely lively things about her die with all the same things in him.

He jumps back, and stops her when she tries to draw nearer. He becomes cruel again. Brekker. He snarls on about who he tortured, who he killed. He see’s her flinch and a pain goes through his heart because beneath the layers of Brekker he’s built atop his heart will Always be Rietveld trying to reach out.

He covers himself in a facade, a mask, layers of clothing, gloves, armor. Layers to protect the boy inside him, still raw and hurt and in need of warmth, in need of love. He has armor in more ways than just his gloves. He builds walls nearly impossible to scale. But Inej is The Wriath, and there is no wall she can’t scale, and no secret she can’t steal.

“Then you can steal my secrets too.”

The hard truth Kaz has to face is that no matter how hard he tries, he will Always Be Rietveld. Deep down he’s not a demon. He’s a human boy. He needs love, companionship, friends.

“Tell Jesper he’s missed… around the slat.”

He cannot face the world alone despite the reputation he builds around the lie that he can. He cannot keep from Loving Inej. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how scarcely he lets himself think about her- he always will eventually wind up thinking about her when he lets his guard down, let’s himself be human, even if it’s for but a moment when her hair is freed from its braid and the sunlight dances through the window behind her. When she laughs. There’s no way, no matter how inhuman he believes himself, he can keep himself from wanting human things to want. Everyone needs love. It doesn’t matter in what capacity you’re talking- everyone NEEDS it. Friendship, romance, companionship, a pet, a kind word from a stranger, opening the door for someone, any of those things- it’s human nature and there’s no avoiding it.

Kaz Brekker Thrives being called a demon. He thrives on the mystery, the myth, the cruelty. He breathes it in because he can’t survive without it. His reputation is quite literally all he has. And his friends are even a result of it. The violence Fuels him. And he’s gotten so reliant on it that he doesn’t know how to be anything else. He doesn’t know how to be anything for anyone unless it involves a scheme, a score, a bit of blood. He quite literally cannot help Inej with her bandages unless he thinks about it as if he were drawing a weapon on someone. Violence was easy.

But the truth is he cannot be Brekker solely.

And he cannot be solely Brekker happily or even contently because he knows Inej will not have him with his armor. So the only option he’s left with is to indulge in Rietveld. To let himself die again and again at that harbor, for her. To use her voice as a tether so that he may not die again. So that she may pull him out of the sea. So that Rietveld can live to give her the love he longs to. He NEEDS Rietveld because he IS Rietveld. And there is no reasoning behind it, no scheme he can concoct to keep his truest self away.

“Dirty hands would have cut his losses and moved on”

But still he says “I would come for you”

Still he reaches out, grabbing Inej’s hand, staying with her, desperately fighting back the waters.

Still, he catches her when she falls, holds her up with worry in his eyes.

Because he’s not JUST Brekker. He’s not JUST dirty hands. He cannot be. No matter how much his hurt self wants him to be. He has to fight to stay alive in the harbor every time he touches her, but he will. Over and over again. For her. For them. He has to.

I’m not suggesting Kaz has some sort of personality disorder or something-

I’m saying I think his past is who Inej sees behind the cruelty. She understands the language of pain intimately, and knows when someone is responding out of pain. I think she sees him for all he is, Brekker and Rietveld, and loves him. He isn’t two people- but one- a very hurt boy who behaves like one, who’s built his life on pain. He conflicts so much with himself because he KNOWS Rietveld was too weak to survive in the barrel. He knows he cannot let himself be too soft. His tell is his love for Inej, and when all that mattered was for him to keep his cool, he looked at her- and Van Eck took her from him. His life is the same story written again and again with a different victim of his love each time- and he’s afraid that should he love anyone, go soft for a second, he’ll lose them. But there’s no way to avoid loving people. There’s no possible way to keep from caring about his friends.

So his only option is to let them have him, have Rietveld.

His only option is to balance both sides of himself, Rietveld and Brekker.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#six of crows #kaz brekker #soc #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #shadow and bone #grishaverse #kanej #ck #kazzle dazzle #inej x kaz #kaz being kaz #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #kaz x inej #kaz tag #inej supremacy #sankta inej #jesper fahey

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storiesforallfandoms · 1 year

Text

spirit of nature ~ jack sparrow;pirates of the carribean

word count: 2716

request?: yes!

@lazuli-leenabride

“Yay! Could you do Jack Sparrow with a water Nymph?

Maybe where his crew found them and thought they were a mermaid at first?

Please and thank you!! 🦋🦋💘”

description: in which they save a creature of the sea, and their captain takes interest in her

pairing: captain jack sparrow x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

Captain Jack Sparrow was not the type to ignore cries for help. Especially not when the cries sounded like they were coming from a woman in distress.

It was an otherwise calm day as sea when shrieks of fear broke through the otherwise silent sea. Jack quickly rushed to the bow with his telescope in hand. In the distance, he could see another ship sailing away from them while a figure that looked like a woman was thrashing in the water, what looked like a net wrapped around her making it hard for her to stay afloat.

“Prepare a rescue, men!” Jack announced. “We have a potential distressed captive dead ahead!”

His men quickly rushed to the side of the ship as they approached the still thrashing figure. One of them threw a rope into the water as they got closer and it landed just next to the distressed woman. She didn’t hesitate to reach out one of her arms - which the ship came to realize was partly bound to her - the best she could and hold on tightly as they began to raise her onto the ship.

Her entire body was bound and a net was thrown over her, now clinging to her as they pulled her in and laid her out on the deck. She was shivering and she had a fearful look in her eyes as she took in the crew of pirates standing around her.

Jack pushed to the front of the crowd to take a look at the woman. Through her bindings, he realized she was naked. He turned to Gibbs and commanded, “Get her something to cover up while we cut her free.”

“Jack,” Gibbs said, “she’s...she’s not human.”

When Jack looked back at the woman, he saw that Gibbs was right. Although the top half of her body was human, the bottom half seemed to be slowly turning from a tail to human legs. This woman was a creature of the sea - potentially a mermaid, which was one of the most dangerous thing a sailor could come across in the entire world.

But she was also scared. She was also tied up and thrown overboard. For what, Jack had no idea. It didn’t seem overly smart to try and drown her since she could breathe under water, but maybe having her tied up so that she couldn’t swim and instead would sink to the bottom and risk being attacked by other sea creatures.

Whether or not she was a mermaid was currently irrelevant. Right now what matter was helping her.

“Get her something to cove up,” Jack repeated. “Find her somewhere to stay that is away from the others.”

Gibbs seemed reluctant, but he did as Jack said. None of his other crewmates would dare to approach the woman, so Jack was the one who had to step up and set her free. When he took a step forward, she whimpered and tried to move away from him.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Jack assured her. “I’m going to get these bindings off of you. My first mate is getting clothes for you and finding a place for you to stay. But first, I have to cut this stuff off of you, okay?”

She looked at him with wide eyes, like she didn’t believe that he wasn’t going to hurt her, but eventually nodded anyways. Whatever he could do to her couldn’t be any worse than what the other ship had done.

Jack produced a knife from his belt and worked at the net first. She was so tangled in it that there was no way he could just pull her free without harming her. He cut away at the net until it fell around her. Next, he started cutting at the ropes that bound her arms to her body, and that bound her now formed human legs together. The rope left behind terrible rope burn that felt like a fire was set around the areas of her body that it had been tied. She wished to leap back into the water to try and cool the burn, but she was still so exhausted and in so much pain that she knew she needed rest for the night.

Jack positioned himself so that his men couldn’t take in the sight of the naked woman in front of them. He found it a struggle not to glance down at her body, so close to his, but he did his best as he waited for Gibbs to return.

“Who took you before?” he asked her in a hushed voice. “Who threw you into the sea like this?”

She just looked back at him, her eyes wide. He could see she was still afraid. There was no use in pushing her for details now, especially when they were so fresh in her mind. Eventually she would speak, or maybe she wouldn’t and she would just wish to be released back into the water once she was rested. Either way, Jack wasn’t going to push the topic if she wasn’t willing to speak.

Gibbs finally returned with a blanket to wrap around her. He told Jack he had a private area prepared for the woman to stay in along with clothes for her to change into when she was alone. He still looked skeptical of Jack’s decision, but he kept that to himself.

Jack wrapped the woman in the blanket and helped her to her feet. She was hesitant to follow him at first, but eventually gave in and allowed the pirate captain to show her to her room.

“May I ask your name?” he asked her once they had arrived.

In a soft voice she responded, “(Y/N).”

He nodded. “Welcome aboard then, (Y/N).”

~~~~~~

The crew were abuzz the entire night about their passenger. None of them would bring the issue up with Jack directly, not wanting to go against the orders of their captain.

Gibbs, however, had no problem bringing the crew’s issue to Jack.

“They don’t trust that woman,” he was saying to Jack. “They’re afraid she has put some sort of spell on you with her mermaid powers. They think she’s going to make you do something stupid like give her the ship.”

“Gibbs, have I ever done something stupid for the sake of a woman?”

Gibbs gave Jack a look and opened his mouth to respond, but Jack held up a hand to cut him off. “Don’t answer that. I understand everyone’s concern, but I truly do not believe that woman is a mermaid. Mermaids usually use their powers to entrance any many around them. If she was truly a mermaid, then she would have all of us under her spell, not just me.”

“Then how do you explain the tail?”

Jack shrugged. “A bad cause of scabbies, maybe.”

“Jack,” Gibbs sighed. “I can’t talk you out of something once your mind is set to it, and I know that, but I want you to truly think about this. That other ship may have tossed her over because she tried to entice them as well and they realized before it was too late. What if she tries to do the same to us?”

“Then you can rub it in my face that you were right. But until then, I want you to respect my decision and do as I say. And that goes for the entire crew. You got that?”

Gibbs nodded. Jack waved a hand to dismiss him and turned to the closed door to the room that held their visitor. He approached the door, intending to go in to check on the woman, but stopped short and instead, deciding to knock.

There was a moment of silence before a timid voice asked, “Who is there?”

“It’s the captain, Jack,” he said. “May I come in?”

Another moment of silence, broken by the sound of the lock on the door being pulled back. When the door didn’t open, Jack let himself in.

She was sat on the bed, now clothed. She had herself curled up as far away from Jack as she could get. He could see she was still trembling, but he knew this was from fear now as opposed to from the cold.

“I just wanted to check on you,” he said. “See how you were feeling.”

“I appreciate the private room, and the clothes that you have provided for me,” she responded. She wouldn’t look at him, opting instead to study the wall in front of her. “Once I regain my strength, I will be going.”

“If that’s what you wish, we shall leave you on whatever island you desire to go.”

She shook her head. “I can swim.”

“I should rather think you wouldn’t want to go back into the water after an attempted drowning.”

“You know I am not human,” she said. “I saw the way your crew looked at me. I saw my own tail when you pulled me on board. You must know that I will be more than fine to be released back into the water.”

Jack nodded. “Whatever you wish, (Y/N).”

When it became evident that she was not going to speak anymore, Jack turned to the door to leave. He had his hand on the doorknob when suddenly she shot up from the bed, reaching out to stop him from leaving. Her hand met his and he felt the ice cold feeling of her skin. She jumped away just as quickly as she touched him, almost as if a switch were flipped inside her.

“I want your word that you will let me go,” she said. Her voice was still low, but there was more force behind it now.

Jack raised an eyebrow at her. “Why would you trust the word of a pirate?”

“I don’t. I don’t trust the word of any man, actually. But I want to hear you say you will let me go so I can determine whether or not you are lying.”

Jack turned to fully face her. She almost shrunk away from him, but found her courage and stood up tall. Jack could still see the fear in her eyes when she looked at him, but he could also see that it was starting to melt away. She was becoming more confident, more courageous. Maybe not comfortable, but he doubted any woman, sea creature or not, would feel comfortable in the presence of a pirate captain.

“I, Captain Jack Sparrow, give you my word that when you wish to leave this ship, we will let you leave without a fight,” he told her.

“You will not harm me?” she asked.

“We will not harm you,” he confirmed.

She studied his face for a moment before turning away. “You seem honest.”

“What did the men on that other ship do to you?”

She tensed. “They wished to kill me. They tied me up so that I wouldn’t be able to free myself from the net or to swim away, and they threw me in with an anchored net so that I would sink to the bottom of the ocean.”

“Lucky for you they didn’t know you weren’t human.”

No response. (Y/N) climbed back onto her bed. She wouldn’t meet his eye again, but this time she looked down at her lap.

“They knew,” she whispered.

Jack sat at the foot of her bed. He made sure to keep a distance between them as to not startle her further. It seemed he was starting to earn her trust if she was willing to tell him even the slightest details of what the men on the other ship had tried to do to her.

“What are you?” he asked. “My men think you are a mermaid, but I think otherwise.”

An amused look crossed her face. “Why do you think that?”

“I have encountered mermaids before. If one was on our ship, she would not let the men fear her. You would have enchanted everyone on this ship to worship you the moment we saved you.”

(Y/N) made a face of disgust. “Those retched creatures have ruined us. They have left a horrid reputation for us Naiads who just wish to protect the water and all its creatures, and do not wish to engage with humans.”

“Naiads?”

“A water nymph,” (Y/N) explained. “That’s what I am. I do not wish to cause harm to humans, just to care for the creatures who live in water. We don’t even live in the ocean the way that mermaids do. We prefer bodies of fresh water, like rivers and streams. That’s how those men found me. I was in my home pond in the woods when those men came trampling through. They saw me there, just watching them peacefully, and they grabbed me. They though that I was a mermaid, and apparently one of their men had been killed by a mermaid. They wanted revenge.”

Something about the hurt and afraid expression on her face angered Jack. He hoped they would come across the terrible men who had hurt (Y/N) so he could take care of them himself.

“Did they harm you?” he asked.

She shook her head. “They wanted me to suffer. They locked me in a tiny cage with no food for days, they’d give me water occasionally but only by pouring it on me so that my tail would come out and they could jab at it. And then they tied me up and tossed me into the ocean hoping I would sink or be eaten. I’m lucky you and your crew were sailing the same waters, otherwise I may not be here now.”

“I’m glad we saved you.”

When (Y/N) looked up to meet his eye, Jack could’ve been convinced that she truly was a mermaid, because just looking into her eyes took his breath away. He was willing to go to the ends of the Earth to protect her if that’s what she wanted.

But then he realized it wasn’t that she was using some sort of power on him to make him feel this way. It was that he was finally seeing the real (Y/N). The one who wasn’t afraid of him, but the one who trusted him enough to confide her true identity to him. The one who felt enough trust that she was letting her walls down, and now that they were down he could finally see her true beauty.

“Do you still wish to leave so soon?” he found himself asking.

(Y/N) was studying his face again before shaking her head. “No. I feel safer here than I do in the water right now. Not while those bastards are still out there.”

“Whenever you are ready to go back to the water, we will take you somewhere secluded enough that you won’t have to worry about them. And we’ll be sure to protect the area, and you, whenever we are around.”

“But how will you remember where you have left me if it is as secluded as you promise?”

“Oh, I’ll remember.”

(Y/N) seemed to understand what he was inferring. She smiled at him; a small, beautiful smile that almost took Jack’s breath away. He couldn’t help but smile back at her.

Their moment was quickly interrupted by the sound of (Y/N)’s stomach growling. They looked at each other for a moment before beginning to laugh.

“Would you like something to eat?” he asked. “We don’t exactly have fine dining on board, but we have enough food to feed a new passenger for a while.”

“I’ll take anything. I’m starving,” she responded.

Jack stood again and started for the door. “Alright, I’ll be back with something in just a moment.”

“Bring something for yourself, too,” she told him. “Perhaps we can eat together.”

Jack nodded, a smile tugging at his lips again. When he left, he didn’t close the door behind him so that (Y/N) knew that he truly was not trying to lock her away the way her captors had. He was merely giving her the option of privacy if she so desired.

And when he returned, the door was open, a welcoming gesture of her inviting him back into her room.

#Jack Sparrow #jack sparrow imagine #jack sparrow x reader #Captain Jack Sparrow #johnny depp #johnny depp imagine #johnny depp x reader #pirates of the caribbean #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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mechaknight-98 · 3 months

Text

Party Time (NSFW) Ft: Jeewon

Author note: to have a constant and cleaner master list I reposted this to make the list more consistent in naming conventions since Tumblrr wouldn't let me edit the title.

The adventuring Party was traveling through the woods they were looking for a group of townsfolk who had disappeared a few days ago. You the paladin were unsure of this quest as it smelled fishy as several monsters roamed these woods. However, you relented because your party was low on cash after bailing out the well-intentioned but so very dumb rogue who drew the ire of one of the king's knights. It was winter and night was closing in. Having been exposed to the horrors of the night. so you were insistent on getting back to town safely, but your fearless leader; the human wizard named Alan pushed on. That was one thing you did hate about humans was how stubborn they could be. before you could make a real fuss through the other human in the party (She was also the one that convinced you to join) the cleric named Jeewon assured you that things would go right.

"Yeah you Aasimars always worry too much, and besides if anything happens. We have you and good ole Jeewon to protect us." The astral elf Bard Nayeon says with a smile

"You guys know how I feel about Spooky shit though, and this forest reeks of spooky shit." You say to Nayeon annoyed

There was a rustling of the wind and your party’s druid; an Iceborne named Irene veers around to you all and inquires to the party "Did you guys hear that? it sounded like a sick animal?" Seulgi the siren aberrant mind Sorceror of your party and often the kindest but often the least wise and clumsiest member of our party ran to the noise. we followed close behind. well, not you. moving in the full plate was unsurprisingly difficult. when you close in you take a moment to catch your breath when the cleric pushes you down. confused you look at her but before you can say anything she shushes you. She points ahead where you see 4 pale lengthy bodies surrounding a bear. you hear them crunch into the body as you watch You internally groan. you unsheathe your sword and stand low. you begin two silent entrapment spells to hold the beast when you hear

"Ignis Orbem Ventus" you groan as you see a fireball shoot towards the beasts. you groan externally because your fearless leader made a dumb move. you look to Jeewon and say

"Regroup with Allan and the rest of the party." Jeewon nods at your command and you draw the attention of the 4 pale beasts towards you. you have them chase you through the woods a fair distance but eventually, they encircle you. Their hollow white soulless eyes bore into you and their bodies and bones begin to creak and crack as they change

the first one speaks in a voice that's half a voice you recognize and half a wild animal, "How could you abandon us Indo?" you watch as its face shifts to an old friend of yours.

"We trusted you and you abandoned us." another of the beings says shifting into another one of your friends.

"You were our leader, the visionary. Kazuo's legacy Indo and you threw it all away for nothing." the third said shifting. As these beings spoke you watched them as their eyes and expressions grew more haggard and hungry.

"You abandoned us, and look what we became!" the fourth yelled at you. you dodge the first lunge at you and can fend off the other three while striking. but it's a losing battle. that is until you hear a familiar.

"I guarantee I got ya." and the beastly creatures are restrained. you look up to your friends and race towards them while the beast tries to break their bonds. you all manage to get away safely with barely any scrapes,

as you walk back to town. the Irene asks. "Hey, Atyriox what were those things?"

You reach into your bag of various things you are surprised to feel a sharp pain. when you look down, you see a claw taking out a piece of your right side. you look up and see the 4 beasts smiling and laughing, in a mixture of voices you recognize and beastial ones. You try to hold in your rage, but on the verge of death, it consumes you.

"An extraneous existence. Encroaching on humanity," you scream as the rage takes over. your bones creak and lengthen. Your longsword changes to the great axe as a familiar wave of ancient energy envelops you.

you face the four pale beings, now taller than them. you swing your axe into the first and it embeds itself in the skull of it.

“There's no way out! Game over you are done for!" you yell as you tear the axe blade from the beast's skull and throw it into the other nearest one. the next one embeds its claws into your other side, and in response, you stomp its arm your steps leave a trail of blackened blood in its wake. you turn to the last one and yell "You wanted to eat me huh." it looks at you in terror and tries to run away you grab it and punch through its teeth to rip out its tongue. As it bleeds out you grab your axe as your rage subsides. You hear your friends approach and try to cover up the damage but it's too late when Jeewon sees the nightmarish scene. she turns to you and sees your blood.

"Shit I'm sorry Atyriox. shit, I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have left you." she repeats. you reassure her as she goes to heal you she begins putting out her magic but when the arcane energies begin to work despite her not having the components she turns to your eyes full of terror as her magic mends your flesh.

as the rest of your friends come down to the crater of catastrophe you made Nayeon looks at the carnage then you and says, "Remind me not to make you made. We heard your screams of war miles away. you nod as you turn to Jeewon who is still visibly shaken. You all decide to return to town for safety

"Fuck” Jeewon the cleric said as she walked into the inn they were staying in and you smiled at her adorable walk. She then turns to you and says “Okay Paladin bedroom now. I believe I am owed a massage and an explanation,” You nod before following her up to the bedroom where you both bath together before leaving the lobby of the inn the druid and fighter both look at you and laugh.

"Ooh someone's in trouble." The wizard said

"Shut up Alan." You say to the wizard annoyed that his plan almost got you all killed

the bard looks at Jeewon and you overhear her whisper to Jeewon, "Go easy on him. he seems shaken." Jeewon nods as the two of you head to the bathhouse. Once you arrive The cleric is insistent on not letting you out of her sight. So this led to the two of you sharing a bath. As a cleric of Iyaza the doting and alluring. Jeewon had unrivaled comfort and confidence in her body which was pushed even further by the comfort she felt being around you.

“Okay so tell me everything!” Jeewon demanded. You hesitate not because of your story but because you became distracted by Jeewon’s naked and stellar body. Your mind was brought back to tales you'd hear your older brothers say about the followers of Iyaza the goddess of beauty being the most beautiful and attractive followers of all the 7 favored ones, and Jeewon certainly fit the bill. Flawless skin and impeccable curves as if she was crafted by Iyaza herself, but what kept your attention was not her marvelous body but her adorable smile and generous heart. She loved to help despite being quite the loner type. She was always willing and first to do so. it was incredibly admirable and you found yourself enamored. So enamored that you found yourself leaning in closer and closer until your lips met. In the bathhouse. The kiss you shared was chaste. When you break however filled with the haze of desire but also worry the air shifts heavily she stares at you and her stare is soft not the glare of earlier but a somber gaze.

“Please Atyriox (pronounced Uh-tyr-E-ox) don't shut me out.” Jeewon pleads, her eyes stare into yours and you feel your heart soften even more toward the girl, “what happened out there?” she asks. She leans in closer to you. Her folds rub against your manhood which causes an involuntary groan to escape your lips. using this to her advantage Jeewon begins to unwrap the bandages on your forearms. Before you can stop her she succeeds in her task and removes the bandages. She gasps when she sees the scars.

"Jeewon I... I...I am sorry." you say as your War Beast markings are presented. Jeewon was silent for a moment, then another. It began to be worrying until she said, " Explain."

"Before beginning my studies and dedication to my oath of Restoration, I was a child soldier of The Old Warlord Kazuo. 6 others and I were trained from childhood to keep his kingdom safe. we were stripped from our families and our identities and remade. we were molded in his ideals of what warriors should be like." You explain. Jeewon's glare softens again before asking "So why the scars."

"Our new identities were given to replace our new ones. So we were each given a new name after we earned it. I was given Atyriox after the Endurance beast Alpha Rex.

"Okay Why?"

"To whom much is favored is expected. My warriors will transcend everything that binds them including their fucking mortality." Kazuo would always say and so we became what he wanted. Beast of war, and as our final test, and Kazuo's long list of affronts to the gods. he made us each fight an Apex Beast. Each one chosen was meant to be the opposite of our capabilities, and so I was "granted" the opportunity to face the Apex Beast of Endurance. (you hesitate as the pain of remembering begins to swell.) I was told it was alone and that it was a solitary creature that was hurting the townsfolk. I was told no one would be hurt. I was told that nothing bad would happen, but actions speak louder than words I guess," you finish as tears flood your eyes. Jeewon intimates what you mean and begins to hug you as the quiet sobs become too much to bear. you two stay in the bath until the water has long grown cold. After you two get out of the bathhouse and back into the bedroom Jeewon asks

"So how did you get away from Kazuo."

"Another Warlord Named Shen Long came whose warriors rivaled ours, and I saw an opportunity. I faked my death and escaped into the night away from all of that Eventually I found myself at the monastery and not long after you all found me." You explain

"Fuck! That's intense." Jeewon exclaimed

"Can I ask a favor Jeewon?" you bring up as the two of you enter the bed.

"What is it Atyriox?" Jeewon Questions

"Can you not tell the others about this?" You say

"Well, why not?" Jeewon asks

"Our fighter Jason is from the neighboring country to mine, and he would have problems with my history," you tell her

"Oh okay then. I will keep you until you're ready to speak then." Jeewon affirms as she stands up and paces.

"Thanks!” you exclaim while giving a thumbs up. Jeewon smiles then she walks over to your side of the bed, “Okay. I don't want the paladin Atyriox anymore now I need my lover Ayriox to release some tension. You nod as you understood what she meant by this.

Jeewon cups your face and the tension from earlier returns her eyes fill with desire, but also deep administration and appreciation for you as you watch as her pupils dilate into hearts. You kiss again. It begins chaste but the feeling quickly ferments into lust as her tongue pokes its way into your mouth. Unversed in these affairs you let her take charge. Jeewon breaks the kiss with heavy breath and says “Take off your clothes.”

as the both of you strip you say to Jeewon “By the gods you alluring.” Jeewon smiles as she takes your hands and giggles as they shake in hers. She puts them up to her robust posterior and says, “Gosh you're so cute, but don't be nervous dear it's just me.” her voice as always soothes your belligerent spirit somehow the beast that rages inside but with her its less rage and more freedom it surges through you and you arrive at an even greater serenity then during your meditations. she gently pushes your head down to her pussy and something awakens in you. It was subtle at first and the overwhelming desire was to not only be with Jeewon but also protect her. You look up to her and this wave of lusted calm bathes you and you smile at her. She smiles back as your body moves on instinct to her pussy. You lap up near her clit and she bucks and moans with such an intense ferocity

“Oh gods Atyriox right there,” she says in between moans. She looks down as you continue your ministrations on her and notices your back is glowing. Intrigued but a little preoccupied at the moment Jeewon notes this for later as you continue your care of her womanhood, until her body gives out on her and into her release. She squirts all over your face. She tastes sweet to you almost too sweet. As you wipe your face she brings you up to hers. “Damn I taste good.” she coos as she kisses you.

You smile at your paramore and in a moment of alacrity, you say, “In all the planes I could never hope to meet a star as bright as you. Your melody resonates with the light itself, and when we part my shadows only grow to be extinguished by you when we meet again.”

Jeewon smiles and says, “God I love you.”

“I love you two.” you reaffirmed before diving into another kiss. You both tumble to the bed as your kiss grows more desperate more hungered.

Jeewon smiles and says, “God I love you.”

“I love you two.” you reaffirmed before diving into another kiss. You both tumble to the bed as your kiss grows more desperate more hungered.

“Fuck me till I can't walk then use your hands of the faithful so we can fuck again.” Jeewon’s eyes stare into yours clouded by lust but you are in a similar state as you bend her over the bed. Your shaft grinds against her slit. “Ahh, you've teased me enough fuck me.” the ferocity from earlier blends your mind and you oblige Jeewon. She screams “Oh gods! Oh yes!” you begin thrusting her womanhood as always welcomes you you grab her breast as their soft and perky nature draws the wandering of your hands. “Oh god yes! Massage my breasts.” Jeewon yells as you thrust and massage. She is not far from her second orgasm of the night. Her breasts have always been sensitive ever since the first time you “massaged her” so you begin to slow down and focus on plunging deep into her and pulling out slowly. Jeewon’s body responds favorably.

You probably would have continued that pace all night but the ferocity inside had other plans, you gave yourself away to it and began pounding harder and faster. The intensity of your coupling shook the bed and one particularly hard thrust sent Jeewon over the edge, but your spirit overrode your rational mind and you kept fucking her. Jeewon loved it though when you were rough with her because it meant after you would be so caring and accommodating to her. So despite her muffled screams, you kept pounding your release imminent. Jeewon lifted herself to kiss you again and said “Let it all out Atyriox. Give me all of you.” her words sent you into a freefall as you came in your fancier. She smiled as came having reached her third release of the night. She then began kissing you again before pulling you to the bed. You lay there for a while still connected. Jeewon grabs your hand

“Why did Kazuo choose you?” Jeewon asks

“I was the experiment. All the others volunteered or were bred to be his war beasts. When he took me my dad convinced me this would be the path to stability and success but in reality, it ended up just being chaos, torment, and so much resentment toward everything else.” you elaborate. Jeewon nods as she rests her hand on yours. You both fall asleep. Your dreams are peaceful, but you are jolted awake when you feel an intense but familiar pressure on your cock. You look down to see Jeewon’s hollowed cheeks and puckered lips,

"you looked so stressed while you slept so I figured I relieve the tension," Jeewon says with a smile before a particular gag. you groan and she smiles as she comes up for air. "I love the way your body reacts to my touch so honest and adorable. they way your breath hitches when I do this." Jeewon says with a malicious smile as she grabs your balls, and you stop breathing for a moment, "Or when I go deep on you and you groan." she says as she takes you deep again. "But my favorite has to be when your close and you close your eyes when you're about to cum." Jeewon coos as she coaxes another orgasm out of you. She swallows and keeps sucking until you start quivering. She gets up and smiles. "No more secrets okay," she says playfully, as you groan. she smiles and says "I'll take that as a yes."

The next day breakfast in bed is delivered but you and Jeewon have other plans for the morning as you fill your morning filling her. she's all smiles. As you ram into her from behind you watch as her breasts and ass jiggle hypnotically as you thrust in and out of her. Jeewon looks at you with a lusted-over smile. "Oh, Iyaza thank you for bringing me such a kind sweet, and gentle man who fucks me so well," Jeewon says smiling.

You look at her filled with unbridled lust and affection before saying “cum with me Jeewon.”

Jeewon responds “Yes my darling” as you both tumble into bliss together. You both fall into the bed again and cuddle together before your stomach growls Jeewon turns to you and says, “Come on let’s get some breakfast.”

All you can think about is how much you love this girl

#kpop fanfic #male reader #kpop smut #cignature #jeewon #jeewon cignature #jeewon smut #fanfic

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chaoticsomeone · 10 months

Text

Heartrender!Reader x The Spiderverse Characters

Headcanon

(Im new a writing so i'm giving this a shot)

| Heartrenders have the ability to manipulate the body. They can snatch the air from your lungs, slow your pulse until you fall into a coma, or even literally crush your heart—all from a distance |

Seeing/when told that you put a villain into a coma

Miles, Miles 42, Gwen, Hobie, Pavitr, Miguel, Jessica, Lyla?

Miles Morales

Doesn't know whether or not he should be afraid or amazed. (Hes more amazed than afraid)

Immediately asks alot of questions

"So can you actually just murder someone in a second?"

"Can you hear/feel people's heartbeats?"

You told him yes to both of that questions and he just goes "That's amazing. How did you get your powers. I mean we spiderpeople get bit by spiders but what about you?"

"I'm born with it" you said smiling

More wows

He continues asking about it again but now 'scientifically'

(Miles x Gwen) Asks you if you can find out whether or not gwen likes him

(Romantic you x him) Asking you out buy bringing you to a science museum

(Platonic) He got tickets to a science museum for you and the crew

You showed him and the others that you can manipulate a heart on display to move

(Romantic) melts and heart speeding everytime you impress him even though he knows you can sense it

Miles Morales (Earth-42)

(Romantically) Fell in love with you the moment you walked into his dimension with the spidercrew even though he doesnt know anything about you

Think its cool that you're a heartrender

Asks you to slow down the other miles's pulse

He tells you he ships the other Miles and Gwen

Asks you to make them both blush and get a higher heart rate near each other

You both laugh together

Thinks you're the coolest person he has met when Hobie tells him how you put someone into a coma so easily

Asks you 2-3 questions but thats it

Will actually ask you politely to come with him on one patrol to help him put his enemies into a coma for a few months so he could take a leave and break

Gwen Stacy

First time you told her she asks you to knockout a villain just for jokes

When you actually did she was shocked and a little bit afraid

When you told her you 'accidentally' put them into a coma she was like "Wow"

(If platonic)Secretly annoyed that Jess didn't adopt her too because she wants to be your sister

(Romantic) Has a crush on you but is wary so that you dont detect her heart rate

Shes just listening closely to miles basically interviewing you

At one point asking you to help her at a science fair when shes teaming up with Miles to perform a trick on people

The trick being making them pass out for a second then bringing them back

Hobie Brown (Im sorry idk much abt him)

Says smth along the lines of "cool, try doing it to Pav and bring him back out of it"

After this he asks you to come to his universe to give the people he dislikes a heart attack.

A painful one

Proud of the science fair you and Miles did

Pavitr Prabhakar

Same reaction as Miles

Continues asking stuff with miles

Like "So you can actually know if someone has a crush on you?"

Becomes happy when you say yes

Asks you to come with him to meet Gayatri

At the end of the three of you meeting he asks you if you felt Gayatri or his heart beating up

Blushes and becomes giddy when you tell him both of them has a high heart rate near eachother

(Platonic)Eventually becomes best friends in crime and inseperable

(Romantic) both him and Gayatri became close with you and asks you to date them(?)

Miguel O'hara

Wary of you

Asks Lyla to watch over you during missions

Keeps a close eye of you to make sure you don't distrupt Cannon because you aren't a spiderman

When Jess recruited you he wasn't happy

Gave you a long speech when he learned that you put someone into a coma

Told you about dont do that or that or this when it is this that just to make sure you dont disturb cannon

Warms up to you eventually

Keeps you close to help him calm down sometimes

Jessica Drew

Recruited you even though you aren't a spider

Trained you to do combat outside of your powers

Genuinely adopts you

Looks out for you

Defends you against Miguel any day

You helped her name her daughter

You always is there to help her with her pregnancy by checking on the baby's heartbeat and all

If she has a health issue you are always the first she calls (everyone too tbh)

"That's my girl" when you put that one villain you and the others were fighting into a coma.

Lyla

Watches over you every second of everytime because of two things

Miguel or

Just pure curiosity of your powe4s

Reports back to miguel in an instant when you put the villain into a coma

Writes/keeps track of everything she knows about heartrenders

Interviews you with Miguel and Jessica every now and then to aks if you found or learnt anything new about heartrending

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justagalwhowrites · 7 months

Text

Yearling - Ch. 15: Past

You and Joel have a conversation while on patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-14 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Mention of SA (not described) and general abuse. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 5.1k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Kissing Joel.

You were kissing Joel.

It was all you could think, for a moment. Like all your head could hold was him, the taste of him, how soft his lips were - he didn’t seem like someone who would have soft lips but his lips were soft and gentle and sweet - the oddly soothing scratch of his facial hair on your skin. For a moment, all you wanted to do was kiss him, kiss him until the day you died.

You were kissing Joel and you were so close to him, closer than you’d been to anyone in so long and your body was starting to move of its own accord and Joel was pulling you against him and you suddenly couldn’t breathe. You didn’t want to separate from him but you couldn’t breathe.

He pulled away from you and you squeezed your already closed eyes tight.

“Sweetheart?” He asked softly. You could feel every twitch of muscle in his body, every adjustment his hands made against you, you were acutely aware of it all. “Hey, you’re OK, it’s just me, I’m not gonna hurt you. Just breathe, you’re safe, it’s just me…”

You opened your eyes then. His face was still close to you but not so close that you were touching, just close enough that you could make out the different shades of brown in his iris. You focused on that, on the other small details you hadn’t been able to take in before. The different shades of brown and gray in his beard, the creases in his skin.

It was Joel. You were safe with Joel. Even if he made you feel out of control, you could trust him. He was safe.

“You with me?” He asked, his voice soothing and gentle.

“Yeah,” you nodded quickly, still feeling a little breathless.

“Need me to stop touching you?”

You thought for a moment. You had to close your eyes again and stop looking at him to be able to actually focus on how you were feeling and not on him.

“Might be good,” you said eventually, opening your eyes again.

“I’m just gonna move your legs,” he said. “Then it’ll be hands off. You’re OK.”

You just nodded and let Joel maneuver your legs off his own and settle your feet on the ground before he moved away from you on the tree trunk. You opened your eyes again, part of you resenting the distance but the part of you that felt panicky and out of control calmed enough to let you take a full breath.

“Sorry,” you muttered after a minute. “I know it seems like I’m completely fucking insane…”

“It doesn’t,” Joel said gently. You scoffed but his eyes met yours, all soft and open. “It doesn’t, Bambi.”

You nodded but weren’t entirely sure you believed him.

“Let’s get the horses settled,” he said. “And we should head in. It’s been a long day.”

You nodded again, more certain this time.

You took your time getting Renaissance set up for the night. Focusing on making sure she was secure, comfortable, had enough food and water. Joel finished before you and left you alone with your horse. You gave her a scratch and she lowered her large head enough that you could put your forehead to her own. She huffed a bit when you did, pressing her nose into your chest like a nudge.

“What?” You asked her, pulling back to frown at her. She huffed again and you glared at her. “Oh don’t act like you’re some expert.”

She nudged you with her nose again.

“Yeah, yeah,” you sighed. “You’re right. As usual.”

You gave her a final scratch before finding Joel again.

He was outside, leaning against a tree, looking out at the woods. He looked back over his shoulder when he heard you coming, your hands awkwardly stuffed into your pockets.

“Ready?” He asked. You gave him a single nod. He gave you one back and led the way into the ski lodge.

You could tell it had been a nice place, once upon a time. The views, even through the dirty windows, were incredible. It made for a good place to keep watch.

“When you get here, you gotta fill out the log book,” Joel said. “Putting in that we ran into trouble from a scouting party but we don’t expect any more…”

“We don’t?” You frowned, looking back at him, your arms crossed over your chest.

“No,” he said almost absently as he made his notes. “He was tellin’ the truth.”

“How can you know?” You asked.

“I know.”

You were quiet for a moment, watching him.

“Where’d you learn how to do that.”

He paused his writing and looked back toward you.

“I’ll tell you if you answer a question for me.”

You watched him for a second.

“Fair enough.”

He finished writing and put down the pen before going to the couch in the middle of the room. It had clearly seen better days but you sat on the opposite end from him, anyway, bringing your legs to your chest and looping your arms around your knees.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?”

You said it again, more like a question this time.

Joel’s jaw tightened for a moment before he spoke.

“There were…” he paused and sighed. “For a few years after the outbreak, before Tommy and I made it to a QZ… Life was hard. Everything was fucking chaos, FEDRA was busy makin’ shit as bad as possible… We tried to make it on our own for a bit. Had to do a lot to survive. Learned quick how to get necessary answers out of people when we needed to.”

You nodded slowly, trying to process that. You’d been lucky, all told, in the outbreak. So far removed from the rest of civilization, you’d run into very little in the way of trouble. But what Joel was saying tracked with what you heard from traders, especially over the first few years of it. The people who had come from outside your corner of the wilderness told gruesome stories of what life there was like. The kind of people who were gaining power then. The kind of people like Mitchum.

You doubted men like Mitchum and his goons would give information away lightly. It made sense that Joel might need to drag it out of them with pain. And you weren’t about to hold torturing raiders against him.

“OK,” you said eventually. “What’s your question?”

He looked at you for a moment, his hands in his lap, before he took a deep breath.

“Need you to know I’m not askin’ this to hurt you,” he said slowly. “I’m askin’ because I can protect you. I want to protect you. I just can’t protect you from something I don’t know.”

You swallowed, hard, but nodded.

“Bambi,” he said slowly. “I need you to tell me about Mitchum.”

***

He wanted to hold you and he couldn’t. That might be the hardest part of this, there was nothing he could do to help you with it.

You’d kissed him and, for a moment, it was the best Joel had felt in years. It was like everything else has fallen away, like the rest of the planet outside of you stopped existing. All he wanted was to pull you closer, kiss you longer, hold you tighter, anything and everything to be with you as much as he could be. And then you froze. You stopped breathing and went stock still, like a startled animal, and he had to separate from you because what he wanted was hurting you and that killed him.

But this might be worse. He knew what he was asking you. But he needed to know. If these men were after you he needed to know what he was dealing with, needed to know how many there were, what they were capable of and why they wanted you. Because he was going to take care of it. He was going to protect you.

Your eyes were wide and on him and you pulled your legs a little tighter into yourself and he fought to stay on his side of the couch. Touching you would hurt you and he wasn’t sure how to help you. He just needed to stay away from you, at least for now.

“Joel,” you said quietly, pleadingly.

“I can’t keep you safe without knowing,” he said, an ache in his chest. “I wish I could but I can’t. I need to know about him, his operation, why he wants you back so damn bad…”

“You’re not gonna look at me the same,” you said, your voice thick.

“Sweetheart…”

“You’re not,” you cut him off. “I know you’re not and…”

“There’s nothing that someone else did to you or that you did because someone else forced you into it that’s going to change how I see you,” he said. “It’s not possible. So unless you’re tellin’ me that you… I don’t fuckin’ know, skinned puppies in your spare time before the outbreak, you’re not going to change a damn thing, not for me.”

You laughed a little bit.

“No,” you said. “Didn’t do that.”

“I’m not someone you need to be afraid of,” he said softly. “Promise m’not.”

You nodded and took a deep breath, tilting your head up to the ceiling for a moment before looking back at him, locking those wide eyes on his.

“It started in September of 23,” you said, your voice almost oddly steady. “I’d developed a bit of a… reputation with the more nomadic folks up that way. Everyone called me Texas, that’s what the first person I ever traded with called me and the name stuck… Anyway, people knew about me, knew that I’d trade horses. So it’s not weird that he showed up looking for me. It was weird that he showed up with a horse already and it was just him and it didn’t feel like he was after horses, not really, not from how he was talking. He told me he ran with a few guys, that they needed mounts and that’s why he was there but… he was asking about my set up, what I had there. He tried to act like it was for trade but there was something wrong with it. He set my teeth on edge and he just kept looking at me. Even when I had my gun on him he just kept looking at me like I was a piece of meat…”

Joel’s jaw tightened and he tried to ignore the way his heart rate picked up.

“I told him to get the fuck out and if I saw him on my land again I’d kill him,” you continued. “He came back a few days later. He brought a lot more men that time. I should have just fucking shot him the first time, I should…”

Your face twisted and you looked away as you almost spat the words at yourself.

“It’s not your fault,” he cut you off. Your eyes snapped back to him, almost like you were remembering that he was there at all. “You were kind. Not your fault that you were kind to someone who didn’t deserve it.”

Your jaw clenched for a second before you nodded.

“He came back,” you took a shaky breath. “I’m not sure how many men he had with them, they were split up, I had defenses in place and shit set up but…” You took another deep breath and closed your eyes for a moment, collecting yourself, before you opened them again. You stared at your thumbs over your knees. “I tried to fight him off. I did, I killed a few of them and I thought… I was overrun. There were just too fuckin’ many of them and there was only so much I could do.

“He took me back with them to a camp,” your voice trailed off and you looked off toward a wall, jaw tight. “I wasn’t anything special at first. There were a few other women there, one who was more of a girl… Guess it doesn’t take much for a bunch of men with guns and no laws to not kill each other all the goddamn time but you have to have something otherwise it’s a bloodbath. Keeping them fed isn’t enough, keeping them out of the elements isn’t enough, you need something that they think makes life worth living, something that makes them OK with blindly following orders. Turns out the best thing is something they can use to get off. Don’t really matter what it is, willing or unwilling, just that it’s a woman and she’s warm. And that’s all I was at first.”

Joel fought to keep his face still and calm, not show the rage that was ripping through him like wildfire, burning and devouring everything. Even the shame and the loathing that he held toward himself. He knew what it took to control men like that. He’d seen it all and sat silent while it happened, too numb to the world to give a shit back then. He thought it was an excuse. That, since he didn’t partake himself, that made him better and that was enough. But it wasn’t.

He didn’t even need think hard to picture what it would have been like for you. He’d been around that shit plenty, heard the screaming and crying and begging and pleading. It turned his stomach to think of your voice like that, to picture your face and your wide, desperate eyes latching onto him as he passed the men having their way, the nameless women thinking he would help because he’d never touched them. He never did.

“Mitchum took a liking to me,” you said. “I was always his first pick. Probably what kept me alive at first, they had to hold back with me because Mitchum would be pissed if I got killed. The girl died first, a few days after I got there. Another woman not too long after that. I managed to get away after about two weeks…”

“They’ve been hunting you that long?” Joel asked. You frowned, confused. He frowned, too. “The men you killed before Tommy and I found you, the man now, they’ve been hunting you that long?”

“No,” you shook your head. “No, they caught me quick. Within days. I didn’t cover my tracks well, I was distracted…”

Joel froze.

“How long…” he trailed off, not wanting to ask it. Not wanting to know what the answer was.

You watched him, shifting as you did, crossing your legs in front of you instead of clutching them close to yourself. You leaned forward a little, almost like you were examining him as he pieced it all together.

“They had me more than two years.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed to keep from vomiting. No wonder you’d been so fucking terrified, it was a goddamn miracle you would even speak to anyone at all.You were still watching him when he opened his eyes again, your face softer than he deserved.

“You survived for two years?”

You nodded, your mouth a thin line.

“They got me back and Mitchum was personally offended that I’d managed to get away at all,” you scoffed a little at that. “Decided to teach me a lesson. He taught me several. But, in the end, it just made him more obsessed. He kept me for himself, after a while, but he’d share me with his right hand men. Sometimes some of the others, too, as a reward. That’s how I knew the man from today. He didn’t run with Mitchum’s crew, he was some prick from another group, one that did something big enough for Mitchum that I was apparently appropriate payment.

“I was the only woman left, for a while,” you sighed. “The others died pretty quick. Others came and went. One lasted a few months, her name was Alyssa. I liked her. Most only lasted a few weeks, a month at most. It was like they would just… turn off. I was so fucking jealous of that, that they weren’t even in their bodies anymore. I couldn’t do that, not really. I think that’s part of why he liked me so much, he liked for it to hurt. You can’t hurt something that doesn’t feel.”

“I’m so sorry,” he began but you cut him off.

“I don’t want your fucking pity, Joel,” you were almost glaring at him. “Knew you wouldn’t look at me the same…”

“It’s not pity,” he said. “You shouldn’t have gone through that. No one should and I’m sorry you did. That ain’t pity that’s just truth.”

You watched him for a moment, skeptical, before you continued.

“I got away last time with help,” you said. “One of Mitchum’s men thought he was better than the others because he liked it if it at least seemed like I enjoyed it, that fuck. But he helped me get away when we were moving to a new place. It was easier then, about half the men were out scouting like the group we saw today.

“I didn’t think he’d be looking for me, not for this long, anyway. He’s well equipped and has a lot of fucking assholes at his disposal. More than 50 total men last time I saw them, fewer than 100, but he has plenty of friends,” you clenched your jaw for a moment and looked out the window. “Joel, if he’s coming after me and he finds out I’m in Jackson…”

“No,” he cut you off.

“I can survive just fine on my own.”

“No,” he said, more forcefully this time. “No, you’re not leavin’. We know how to take care of ourselves, we’re well armed and we’re not stupid. You’re one of us now, not going to just let you leave because some fuckin’ asshole is threatening you. We can keep ourselves safe and that includes you.”

It was almost like you didn’t hear him at all, shaking your head and looking outside.

“Shouldn’t have settled there,” you muttered to yourself. “Should have fucking left…”

“Bambi,” Joel said, sharper than he meant to. Your head snapped around to look at him, your eyebrows drawn together. He wanted to touch you. He kept his hands on his lap. “No. You should have stayed. It’s safe there, the people and animals there need you, Ellie needs you, I need you.”

He said it without thinking about it or really meaning to, but he meant the words. Even though he wasn’t sure you were ready to hear them, he meant them. You looked him over, up and down, like you were searching for something.

“Joel…” Your voice trailed off.

“I do,” he said. “You think I like spendin’ time with just anyone? That I’m Jackson’s resident social butterfly?”

You laughed a little at that.

“I’m there because it’s safe and life’s a hell of a lot better than it was in the QZ,” he said. “It’s good for Ellie to be there, Tommy’s there. That’s what I had. When Ellie stopped talkin’ to me, there were some days… Seemed like I was living to pass her in the mess hall. Then I met you and… Seein’ you is the best part of my damn day, alright? Love that you come borrow the fuckin’ guitar all the time since it means I see you all the time. Didn’t ask Tommy to put us on patrol together but I was so damn happy when he did. Jackson needs you and Ellie needs you but I need you, too. Don’t act like you’re not worth us protectin’ because you are. So let us.”

The two of you sat on opposite ends of the couch for a moment, watching each other.

“Can I try something?” You asked softly. He nodded. You took a deep breath and then crawled across the couch until you were in front of him. “Just… Don’t touch me, OK?”

“OK.”

You sat back on your heels and leaned into him, until your lips were gently against his. You were soft, so damn soft, and he had to fight the urge to pull you closer, kiss you harder. Your mouth grew firmer, more insistent and you moaned into his mouth before you pulled back, your eyes wide as you panted for breath.

“I….” Your fingers traced your lips for a moment. “I need you, too. I’m sorry I’m so…”

“Don’t.”

“I am,” you said. “I know you’re not like them, I know that you’re good and you’re kind and that you wouldn’t hurt me I just…”

“It’s OK,” he said gently. “I understand.”

You sat back further from him, still close enough that he could touch you if you wanted him to.

“I wish you didn’t have to.”

You got up and went to your pack, pulling out jerky and peaches and water. You came back to the couch and handed him a peach. He frowned.

“I’ve seen what you pack for patrol food,” you said. “You’ll get scurvy.”

He laughed a little and ate the peach.

Things were easier after that, like you’d both decided that the the rest of the day hadn’t happened. You talked about music and movies and what shit was like before and it was light and easy, like he hadn’t tortured a man for answers a few hours earlier. Like you hadn’t kissed him on this very couch.

The two of you settled in to sleep early, Joel insisting on giving you the couch as he took the floor. You’d only been silent for a few minutes when you whispered his name in the dark.

“Hm?”

“Can I come down there?” You were still whispering, like it was a secret.

He paused.

“Course.”

He heard you moving, the squeak of old springs in the sofa, the rustle of the fabric of your clothes. You slid against his side and draped part of yourself over him. He slowly, cautiously, arranged his arms around you and you nestled closer. You nuzzled into his neck and took a deep, contented breath, making his heart pound. After a few minutes, your hand slipped up his chest and to his face, your fingertips trailing through his beard and into his hair.

“Bambi,” he breathed.

“Can I…” You were still whispering.

“You can do whatever you want with me,” he said softly.

You pressed your body tighter to his and pulled his face in close to your own before you kissed him. It was deep and needy and Joel could taste the fruit on your tongue. He kept his hands where you’d let them go before, his fingers pressing tight into your skin.

“I need you too,” you said, breathless, when you pulled away from him.

He kissed your forehead and held you close.

“Goodnight, Bambi.”

“Goodnight, Joel.”

***

You’d gotten wet again.

It didn’t take you long to notice it when you woke up this time, the cool slick on your skin obvious as you were wrapped around Joel.

“Bambi,” he said, his voice strained.

“I…” it took you a moment to realize what was happening. You were facing Joel and he was facing you, your leg hitched up over his hip. Your heart was racing and you were wet enough that you were sure Joel’s pants were wet, too. You shocked back from him, sitting up as you did, panting for breath. “I don’t…”

“Think you were dreaming,” he said, his voice gruff.

“I’m so sorry,” your face got hot and you tried to calm your breathing as much as you could. “I don’t…”

“It’s OK,” he said. “It’s…”

“I’m going to go check on the horses,” you took off before he could say another word.

You all but ran outside, going around to the building with the horses through the early morning fog. Renaissance gave you a tired whinny when you opened the door and you went over to give her a scratch as she pressed her large head against your torso. Your heartbeat started to return to normal and you scratched her neck. She huffed against you.

“Don’t have to be so smug about it,” you muttered. She impatiently stomped a hoof. “Hey. I’m working on it.” You stepped back and looked down at her. “Let me get your bridle, get you outside for the day…”

You put some of the tack back on her and led her out to a grassy area where she could graze.

“Hey.”

Joel’s voice made you jump as he caught up to you, stopping a few feet away. He put his hands on his hips.

“Hey,” you said, sticking close to the horse.

“Look, I understand that you weren’t exactly expecting that,” he said. “And…”

“I know it wasn’t you,” you said quickly. “I know it was me…”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Please don’t run off like that on me,” he said after a moment. You frowned. “If you need space from me, that’s OK, but just… tell me. Please don’t just take off.”

You looked at him for a second. It had been so long since you’d had someone else’s feelings to worry about, especially with anything remotely intimate, you hadn’t considered that it probably freaked him out.

“Right,” you said. “Sorry.”

The ride back to Jackson was almost as uneventful as it was agonizing. You could hardly look at Joel, not after… whatever you’d done this morning. Probably tried to dry hump him into oblivion only to freak out the second you were conscious. Because you couldn’t handle shit like a normal fucking person.

The only thing that kept it interesting were some clickers that you picked off from about half a football field away. Joel spotted them first and raised his rifle but you stopped him.

“Can I?” You asked. “Really wanna shoot something.”

“Go ahead, Bambi,” he smiled a little.

You shot the pair of them in quick succession, a strange satisfaction taking hold as you watched them fall to earth, monsters you were fully capable of felling. There was comfort in that.

When you got back to Jackson, you rushed to get Renaissance out of her tack and settled into her stall, ready to get home and put some distance between you and Joel.

You couldn’t trust your body around him. You’d do things before your brain caught up, things that you couldn’t control, things that felt dangerous and made your heart pound in panic instead of desire.

“Bambi,” Joel said quietly. You stopped your work, not able to help looking at him. “If you need some space… Just know that I’m still here for you. When you’re ready.”

You could only nod before watching him go, his horse settled for the night.

You tried to avoid Joel for two days.

Tried.

But your life had become so in sync with his, you ran into him everywhere. At the mess hall, on the street, when he came by the stable. He respectfully kept his distance, making eye contact with you, like he was seeing if you were going to talk to him again, and not pushing it when you broke away.

And while he scared you - the intensity of your feelings for him, the way he knew you now, how your body reacted to his - you also missed him. His kind smile and gentle teasing and soft touch. You couldn’t get him out of your head, the way he looked, the way he felt, the way he tasted.

That’s where your mind got stuck as you lay in bed, alone, two nights after you got back from patrol. Every time you closed your eyes you saw him there, the way he looked just before you kissed him. There was an ache between your thighs, one that was nearing pain, that was well past wanting and had pushed into need.

You needed Joel. You hadn’t needed anyone like this in so long - years - but you needed Joel. You needed his hands on you, needed his lips on your own, needed to feel him deep inside.

“I’m still here for you,” he’d said. “When you’re ready.”

You slid a hand down your body to the apex of your thighs and traced your clit, your sex warm and wet below your fingers. You took a deep, shaky breath and thought of Joel as you circled your sensitive nub, increasing the pressure, working yourself harder and faster. Your orgasm built, the ache in your body becoming more acute, the tightness growing.

But you couldn’t finish. There was some kind of roadblock keeping you from it, something stopping you from finding relief. And all you could picture was Joel. After a while, you gave up with a whimper and tried to sleep, but you couldn’t do that, either. You were too keyed up, too turned on, too needy.

“I”m still here for you. When you’re ready.”

“Fuck it,” you said, buttoning the shirt of Joel’s you were wearing to bed up and changing into a pair of shorts that weren’t wet with your own slick.

Jackson was quiet as you walked to Joel’s, everyone asleep for the night. You had no idea what time it was, just that it was late enough that you were an asshole for showing up at anyone’s house at this hour.

You all but ran up his front steps and opened his screen door to knock on the main one with a little too much force. You let the screen door fall closed and you paced, waiting for what felt like an eternity when a light inside switched on. You stopped pacing, almost centered on the front door as Joel opened it, a sleepy expression on his face.

He was wearing a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt, his arms looking almost frustratingly sculpted, the fit of the shirt outlining his chest and stomach. The ache in you got worse.

“Bambi?” He asked, opening the screen door, too. “Everything OK? What are you doing…”

You couldn’t help it. You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him, pressing your whole body into his. You could feel every line of him you were so close to him and, for the first time, the ache eased. Joel was what you wanted, needed. It was like everything was going to be OK now that you had him with you. His hands went to your waist, holding you to him. He moaned into your mouth, his grip on you firm and strong.

You pulled back from him just enough to see his face, your eyes searching his. He looked a lot more awake now. You were breathless.

“Can I come inside?”

He panted and nodded before stepping aside and letting you into his home.

Next Chapter

A/N: Hiiiiiiii y'all :D

I think we all know what's coming (heh... coming) next chapter, right?

I hope you enjoyed this insight into Bambi's history, too. I don't intend on ever being too insanely graphic with it (though we will see more flashbacks with Mitchum) because I think we all understand what happened to her without going into detail. The violence itself was never the point, just how she heals and reintegrates into society and develops relationships after surviving it.

If you'd like to be alerted when I post, please follow my updates blog here and subscribe :)

Thank you so much for sticking with this story! I know it's been an incredibly slow burn but I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed sharing it. Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #yearling #smut fic #joel miller x oc

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boxofbonesfic · 8 months

Text

Title: Brave [6 of ?]

Pairing: Orc!Steve x Reader

Summary: The pass takes its toll on the pack.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Genre typical violence, Warlord Nomad AU, Dark Fantasy AU, Enemies to lovers, Eventual smut, References to past abuse, Fighting, Monsters, Animal Death, Violence, Mildly described gore

A/N: i’m having a ridiculous amount of fun with this story, can you tell? as usual, reblogs and feedback are appreciated and always welcome.

The storm rages at your backs as the pack travels west. Wind rips at the furs you have wrapped around yourself, a makeshift shield for the freezing rain. The water stings your hands and face like little needles, and you hunch down over your horse. The rolling hills of the grass sea crest higher and higher until they are hills no longer, but great cliffs that begin to rise darkly in the distance. You swallow a nervous lungful of air, and taste ozone and horse-sweat on your tongue.

The Orcs ride close together now, forming a tight shape as they move through the grass sea. What did Carol call it? The zikaegina. Lightning cracks overhead, and for a moment, your eye is drawn to movement—but darkness crashes down too quickly for you to make sense of it.

A bird? Above the storm? You grip the reins tight, remembering the stag. It’s wild yellow eyes, slavering jaws.

“The sea is where chaos reigns free, where Halith’s light cannot reach.” That was what they had told you in the chapel. “The further you go, the more godless it becomes.” You shiver. You know only the falsehoods you have been taught by king and country—and the land has been savage, yes, but also beautiful. Halith’s light had never reached you in your father’s house, when you had prayed and begged for it, so why should you care if her indifference cannot reach you here? You look up at the sky, riven into pieces again with a burning bolt—

There are different Gods here, you can feel it.

The cliffs jut up before you like jagged teeth, spearing the clouds above them. Fog rolls out of the mouth of the pass, so thick you fear you might choke on it. Carol rides up beside you, her back ramrod straight. With one hand she tightly grasps the reins, while the other rests on the pommel of the great-sword at her hip. At the front, Steve silently holds up his hand, forming a tight fist as he slows his horse. The tension is as thick as the fog. You know the horses feel it too as they shift, their ears flicking about nervously.

I wonder if they hear something we do not.

“Eyes up, little human. Eyes up.” Carol whispers, her voice barely audible. Though the rain stings your eyes, you do as she says, staring upward into the dark fog. The sounds of wind and rain echo off of the slick rocks, but the air feels eerily still as the storm rages far above you.

We are not alone here.

You are reminded of Carol’s warning—other things used it too—and you hunch lower. One of the horses whinnies, the sound echoing up the quiet cliffside. The rider silences it as Steve turns, his hand held up as a sign to stop, to wait.

The screech echoes all around you, the horrible, piercing noise of it making you clap your hands against our ears to block it out. Trembling, you cast a terrified look at Carol. Slowly, she raises a finger to her lips. Quiet. Above you, somethingskims low through the fog, something dark.

Something big.

No one moves. The horses stand stock still, and when you look down at your own, his eyes are bright with fear, rolling back and forth in his head. An answering cry pierces the storm, and this time when lightning illuminates the sky, you see it. It clings to an outcropping of rock, crawling silently down the slick stones. It is covered in, dark, wiry fur, with leathery wings that tremble excitedly as it reaches a horrible talon down toward Steve—

Quicker than you’d thought he could move, Steve grabs for his axe, swinging it upward in a clean, bright arc. There is an awful wet, tearing sound as he cleaves the screaming creature in two, black blood spraying his face. His horse whinnies, rearing up as Steve rips the axe clean of the thing’s body. Its carcass falls to the ground, steaming in the cool night air, and for a moment there is silence.

“Zhut! Ride!” Steve’s bellow trembles in your bones. “Make for the city!”

Chaos erupts around you, but it is as though time has slowed to a crawl. You watch, horrified as more dark shapes drop from the sky above you, descending on the scrambling pack in a flurry of hungry claws and teeth. The rider in front of you loses his head in an instant, the bat-thing slamming into him as its jaws open unnaturally wide. You blink, feeling his warm blood on your own face as it bites down with a sickening crunch, its snout and chest covered in sticky red. It turns those big, hollow eyes to you, a long tongue darting out to lick at the blood staining its face. You have no time to reach for the bow at your back as it lunges for you, talons outstretched—

The beast’s black blood joins that of the Orc rider’s on your skin, stinking and acrid as Carol’s blade lands with a dull thunk. One of its claws lands in your lap, and you scream as it twitches. You sweep it to the ground, and Carol grabs you by the shoulder, shoving a short, curved blade into your shaking, bloody hands.

“Ride!” She screams the word into your face, pointing forward into the mist. You snap the reins, holding on for dear life as the horse rears back, hooves fiercely pawing at the air. You and Carol take off, with her swinging the sword around your heads, trying to fend off the screaming, hungry swarm. The blade in your hands would be little more than a dagger for Carol, but for you, it is a short sword, light enough for you to wield with a single hand as you cling desperately to the reins.

Claws clip your cheek, your shoulder, your horse screams—you don’t realize you’re airborne until you hit the ground, the breath knocked out of you. You scramble up to your feet as your head spins. There are three of them, attached to the writhing body of your horse not twenty feet away. Your ears ring with the sounds of battle around you, and the sour tang of blood burns in your nostrils. Others, your own.

“Run! You must run!” Carol beckons you forward, and your thighs burn as you run toward her horse. You can hear another of the creatures behind you, its wings beating against the wind as its claws narrowly miss the skin of your back—it crashes into you, sending you sprawling into the mud for the second time. It lands on top of you, it’s bloody jaws frothing as it snaps at your face. You grab for the sword, straining as its rotting breath rolls across your cheeks—

The creature squawks in pain and then goes still and limp on top of you. Its blood leaks down onto your hands from the hilt, your sword buried in its chest. Numb and dizzy, you stare up at the seething sky above you.

“Up, my brave warrior,” Steve replies, rolling the body off of you. He swings you up into his arms, seating you firmly on his horse in front of him. “Eyes forward.” He hands you the reins, brandishing his axe. “I will do the rest.” You do as he says, keeping your eyes focused straight ahead. You don’t stray, not when the axe whistles through the air above your head, or when the narrow pass widens out back out into the grass sea, the creatures screams echoing behind you.

to be continued…

#cevans fandom #cevans fanfiction #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #steve rogers #steve rogers fandom #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers au #Orc!Steve Rogers #Orc AU #dark fantasy #steve rogers smut #boxofbonesfic #bones drabbles #drabble series

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jellieland · 5 months

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This is somewhat inspired by some of the fics @theminecraftbee has written.

---

Two figures watch, from a nebulous nowhere, as Scar stands, alone, in the remains of his destroyed shop.

"I'm sorry," he says, mournfully, to no one.

"You Know," says the first figure, "I Really Wasn't Convinced When You Pitched This One."

Scar does not react. He cannot hear them.

"Yes," says the second, with an air of long-suffering patience. "I Do Know. You Were Very Vocal About It."

"...I really wanted to try and make some friends, this time." Scar, simultaneously right in front of them and a great distance away, sighs and looks up at the sky. "Oh, well. Nothing to be done about it now!"

"I Have Come Around To It," says the first.

"Good," says the second. "I Knew You Would."

They watch Scar start to sort through the mess.

"They Forget They Have A Choice," says the first. "It Is Fascinating."

They move on.

The move on to ash.

Skizz and Tango and Bigb stand right in the thick of it, quiet.

"You try to do one nice thing," says Skizz.

His hands curl into fists. He glares at the smoldering remains of the heart in front of him.

"You try to do ONE nice thing!" he yells, and punches one of the last remaining bits of wood.

Brittle from the fire, it breaks.

"Yeah, well! I guess this is why we don't," says Tango, resigned.

"It was always gonna happen eventually," says Bigb, voice level.

"They Always Try," says the first. "They Always Keep Trying."

"Yes," says the second. "They Chase Each Other In Circles Until All Of Them Are Dead. They Give Themselves Their Own Tasks."

"That Is Not What I Meant," says the first. "But That Is Also True."

They watch the three members of the Heart Foundation stand, for a while, in silence.

And they move on.

They move over to the mesa.

Martyn is standing inside his house, that used to be Jimmy's house too, facing the three chests on the wall labelled "TIMMY", "MUMBO" and "MARTYN".

He is talking animatedly, and gesturing. "-and I kept trying to get them to follow me there, but nobody was taking the bait. Honestly, you guys would've laughed at me. But it-"

They let the rambling fade into the background.

"A Good Dog," says the first.

"Yes," says the second. "He Does As He Is Told."

"-and I've honestly been feeling a bit left out today, isn't that funny? But- Bdubs said, he said he would join me next week, so-"

They move on.

They move to the cobblestone castle, in the side of the hill.

Grian is cooing over a small magma cube named Etho's Dishwasher.

Cleo and Etho are leaning against the staircase watching him.

"Are you both alright?" asks Cleo.

"Sure, I'm fine," says Etho.

"Me?" says Grian, turning around. "Oh, I'm good, I was being a total coward. I just hung around at the top of that tower by the Secret Keeper for ages and none of them ever thought to look up."

"Really?" asks Cleo, amused. "Some of them I would expect that of, but I'd think Gem would be a bit more on the ball."

"Well, apparently not," says Grian.

He turns back to the magma cube, and they settle into quiet.

"I Would Have Expected More Of The Alliances To Have Fallen Apart, By Now," says the first.

"Loyalty Is At Its Most Interesting When It Is Stretched," says the second. "These Three Know It Will Never Last. They Know That All Of Them Are Aware Of This. That Is Why They Are Still Here. They Know How Much They Can Care Without It Being A Lie. And Then Privately, They Care More Than That Anyway."

Eventually, Etho sighs. He looks tired.

He glances from Cleo, to Grian, and back, and after a moment of hesitation, speaks. "I, uh. I'm glad you two survived." He shifts awkwardly, and continues before they can respond. "I thought they were going to try and make me kill you, at one point, and- Grian, I don't know if you know this, but Cleo is scary when she's getting revenge. I did not want to have to worry about that."

Cleo laughs, slightly, and gives Etho a look of the deepest affection. "Well, I did die, is the thing, so thanks for reminding me of that."

"No, no, you knew what I meant! See, Grian? See what it's like?"

"Uh huh," says Grian, raising an eyebrow. "Well, thanks for not killing us."

Cleo frowns at him, suddenly curious. "Grian?" they ask. "Are you the only one who didn't die today?"

Grian opens his mouth, then stops to consider it.

"Or- no, wait. Martyn." says Cleo. "Well. Well done either way."

They watch the trio for a little longer, and then they move on.

They move to Scott.

He is alone, in a forest somewhere.

He is leant up against a cliff face, staring down at the floor.

"None Of Them Even Died, This Time," says the first. "Not Permanently."

"No," says the second. "It Was Controlled. Directed. There To Even The Playing Field. We Can Just Ask Them To Do That, Now, And They Will."

Scott draws his knees up to his chest, and rests his head on his arms.

He doesn't move, or shout, or cry.

He just stays there, quiet.

Eventually, they move on.

They move to the Secret Keeper.

Gem is standing there.

She is looking at it.

"If She Had Decided To Fail At The Start," says the first, "She Most Likely Would Have Lived. She Lost So Much More, Taking Things From Other People, Than The Nothing She Would Have Lost In Failure."

"Yes," says the second. "That Is My Favourite Part."

They watch her.

"Anyway," says the second, "She Would Not Do That."

"She Wouldn't?" asks the first.

"No," says the second. "She Understands Why It Is My Favourite Part."

Gem smiles.

"Thank you!" she says to the Secret Keeper. "That was a lot of fun!"

"You Are Welcome," says the second.

Blood on her hands, Gem turns and leaves, grin as bright as the sun.

They watch her go.

#secret life smp #secret life spoilers #goodtimeswithscar #skizzleman #tangotek #bigbstatz #martyn inthelittlewood #grian #zombiecleo #ethoslab #scott smajor #geminitay #I'll always be thinking a bit about the watchers as the audience.#and this sure was an episode.#my writing

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sparrowrye · 1 month

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Demi Demon || Alastor x Reader, A2 part 23

Synopsis: It’s been over a year since we were brought under Alastor’s watchful eye. We’ve unlocked our Demonic powers, discovered our own talents, and began building the Safe Haven with Charlie and co. Alastor seems increasingly interested in the power we hold as one and intends to use it properly.

Previous part

Part 23: new discoveries

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alastor wasn't having it.

Once Spring came and sprung everything in motion for the haven, I had been increasingly busy. Spencer, our resident reporter, had been pasting articles all over Hell about life inside the Hazbin Haven. They came swarming in once the surface was warm enough.

Arleen was making all kinds of new changes to the street layout and buildings. Everyone was needed to build the new homes and businesses. We were gradually becoming more self sufficient as Demons with different backgrounds and employment came through.

It was becoming a concern to the Slight Human residents that there were too many Demons and not enough Humans - well adult Humans. So I was charged with finally spreading the word about our haven. I took Spencer with me to divide and conquer some of the towns. Alastor tried to reassure me that Blackwater wouldn't make a move on our haven just yet.

Speaking of which, he still very much wasn't having it with me. I was so involved with Spencer, Vivian and the children, stopping fights, and Reagan that I failed to notice Alastor's growing impatience. I still slept in his bed with him but that was generally about it. I was exhausted by the end of the day that sleep was the only thing on my mind.

It didn't help that his shadow was being very touchy with me as of late. I felt the ghost's hand wrap lightly around mine, feeling like a small gust of wind. It also repeatedly tried to get my attention by flying around the walls until I looked at it. It would mimic Alastor's moves and bow low when I finally did acknowledge it. I could feel a laugh from Alcine, my shadow. If I was busy, she was eager to take the shadow's attention off me and onto her.

Or Alastor dispersed his rogue shadow with a thud of his cane. He wasn't exactly the most patient person. So he made sure to find a way to secure a chunk of time to spend with me.

"I'm afraid we have business to attend to, dear Charlie," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder and pulling me back against him. "I will be sure to send her your way when we are done." Then whisked us both out of sight.

"What business?" I asked when we solidified in the living room. He moved like a snake, quickly wrapping an arm around my waist and putting a hand behind my head to press a firm kiss into my lips. The movement caught me off guard but sent a bolt of something into my stomach.

"Our business," he replied when he finally broke the kiss. "You have been far too busy for my liking."

A smile pulled at my lips. "I didn't mean to make you feel lonely." I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his back. His eyebrows perked up with surprise but he recovered and melted his mind with mine, clouding my thoughts with his excitement.

The radio turned on to a lively tune. He put an arm behind my back while the other took my hand. He moved smoothly and quickly, leaving me to catch up and try to step in time. I preferred the slower ones since I very obviously didn't have a talent for the upbeat songs. I kept stepping on his feet or not moving in the right direction. I felt like I was being dragged rather than dancing.

He wasn't bothered in the slightest, chuckling at my panic and struggle, but I was embarrassed. My face was red as I tried to follow his lead. Eventually, though, I pushed away and tried to make myself smaller.

"Looks like I need practice." I tried to laugh it off.

It took him one step to close the distance with his long legs. He touched my mind again, searching for my feelings, as he placed a gentle hand on my cheek. "Then practice we will."

After that, I was quick to ask Charlie to borrow her phone. I looked up dancing but there were so many different ones and so many that didn't match the feel of the dance he had attempted with me.

So, begrudgingly, I asked Husker if he could help. It somehow managed to get back to Charlie who cut out a section of our busy schedule for her, Vaggie, Husker, and Angel to teach me how to dance.

Husker was the only partner I was comfortable with, so the others gave pointers or recorded us so I could watch it over. I felt more at ease with Husker who didn't really react much if I stepped wrong or on his paws.

After a few days, I finally figured out the rhythm. Dancing, as I discovered, didn't have any set rules or anything. It was just a flow of mostly sporadic movements. Husker lead most of the time but if I wanted to do a move, a slight change in the way I raised my hand or moved my foot gave him the indication. I learned to recognize the same in him.

My practices somehow managed to get back to Alastor (probably from Niffty who meant no harm by it). He wanted to react immediately, pulling me away from anyone's eyes to demand an answer. But he waited. He stood just inside the front door as I walked in from a long day. I immediately knew there was something up with him.

"What?" I asked, looking him up and down as the door closed behind me.

"How was your day, my dear?" he greeted, ignoring my prompt.

"What is it, Alastor?"

He loved hearing his own name fall from my lips.

His smile stretched just a hair before he took my hand and pulled me into the living room to stand in front of the fire. "Have you been dancing with someone else, my dear?"

My ears stood straight up. "I've been...practicing with Husker. How did you know?"

He let out a short laugh. "My darling, I know everything that happens in my estate, and everything that pertains to you." He gently ran the back of his claws along my cheek, my skin soft against his leathery one. "So tell me, why have you sought him out?"

"I was..." I gently removed his hand from my face and wrapped my claws around it instead. "I wanted to know how to dance. So I could do it better with you."

"My dear," he lifted both my hands over his shoulders so he could lock his own behind my back, "I appreciate the thought and effort, but please, something like this I would prefer to be the one to teach you. You shouldn't feel afraid to learn from me."

"I'm sorry." I tried to take my hands away but he caught my elbows, pushing them back up to their position around his neck.

"Thank you darling. So please, allow me to show you." He turned the radio to something that was in the middle of lively and slow. My nerves returned as it now felt like a test. I hadn't danced to this kind of music, yet, and he knew that.

This dancing had a lot of turns in it. His hands and eyes were glued to mine the whole time. His upper buddy was very still compared to the quick, small movements of his feet. I tried to follow along and keep my eyes trained on him in an effort to show I could do it.

Halfway through the song, I fell into the rhythm. His smile grew and he tried to change the direction a few times to see if I could keep up. The challenge was invigorating and I found myself actually enjoying the dance. My smile matched his.

Another song followed. This time he added a twirl here and there, our hands reconnecting perfectly like magnets. I started to feel the way I did when I was in nature: like I belonged.

The song ended on a high note. Our hands were outstretched to the side and our chests heaved from the exercise. I felt sweaty but happy. My heart swelled when I touched his mind and felt the same feeling. Every time I touched his mind he would wrap his entirely around me. It wasn't invasive like it once was, but rather a comforting hug.

"You need only follow me, my dear," he said, breaking the silence. I chuckled and slid my hands out of his. He immediately connected his palms with my waist to hold me in place, drawing me closer to him again. My hands came up to rest on his chest and fiddle with the folds of his jacket.

"I suppose I shouldn't have doubted you." I stared at his red jacket a moment longer before finally inclining my head back to meet his eyes.

"You can still redeem yourself."

I made a look of confusion. "I already said I was sorry."

"Simply not enough," he shook his head, "I require more than that."

"What are you looking for?" I looked up at him through my eyelashes, raising a single eyebrow as he had done to me so many times.

"Perhaps a kiss would suffice?" The soft, genuine tone surprised me. He didn't sound like Alastor the Radio Demon. He sounded like Alastor.

My sarcastic remark fell silent, not daring to ruin the sweet moment he had created, and went up on my toes to meet him for a kiss. One hand came up behind my back to thread his claws in my hair and press my head further into the kiss.

The sensation sent another new feeling through my body. My back arched forward as he leaned further, my body curving perfrctly against his as if it were a puzzle piece. He tilted his head ever so slightly but it was perfect for deepening the kiss. My fingers curled his coat into fists.

Then I felt his tongue touch my lip. It shocked me and my gasp gave him the perfect opportunity to slip it past my lips. My eyes squeezed shut as my stomach flipped inside out. His sharp teeth moved against mine as his tongue ran over my own. He moved quick, like he always did, and left me helpless to his advance. My chest burned and I didn't dare pull away.

But he did. A small string of saliva fell between us as he pulled away just enough to look at my eyes. He grabbed one of my wrists, gently squeezing it to tell me to let go, and pulled it up to his shoulders. I got the message and locked my hands behind his neck, bringing us even closer.

He was eager to slid his tongue in again. I let him and moved my own in circles with his. His lips weren't still, either, as he deepened and shallowed the kiss every few seconds. One claw remained firmly in my hair just below my horns while the other splayed across my back.

I let out another gasp when a tooth nicked my tongue. He grew more aggressive, even going as far as to try to bite me again to taste my blood. I turned my head away and pushed his chin high up to stop him.

"That hurts," I said, swallowing the coppery taste. He straightened up and loosened his arms, letting out a heavy sigh that I mimicked.

"My apologies, dear. You are...irresistible." One of his hands moved from my shoulder down to my black claws. He lifted my hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back, a huge contrast to his actions only moments before.

I suddenly broke into a yawn, tears collecting on the edges of my eyes. He let out a soft chuckle as he snuffed the fire and quietly lead me upstairs. I changed in my room before walking over to his. He was already in bed but wearing a short sleeve this time.

My eyes instantly found the part where his black skin blended into his normal colored skin. There were little bright scars along the black skin and it barely reached up to his elbows like mine did.

I moved swiftly to the other side of the bed and climbed in. His eyes never left me, one arm holding up the covers to help and the other arm slightly beneath the pillow as an invitation.

I nervously moved closer and allowed him to engulf me with the warm blankets. His arm wrapped around my back and pulled me up against his chest. My one arm reached over his side as my head rested on his other one partly beneath the pillow. A mix of smoke and sweat filled my nose.

"So beautiful," he whispered, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. My cheeks warmed and his mind touched mine, somehow wrapping himself even more so around me. Yet I still never felt like I had enough of him.

I pressed my face into his chest and took a deep breath. I could smell the cedar, now, and the combination of all the different scents were registering in my mind as him.

I moved my arm to scratch my leg but froze. His body went very stiff as a response, mind unwrapping from me but still enough to read my feelings. I brought my hand back to feel for the texture that made me confused.

It was fur.

"Is that..." I shifted away so I could look him in the eyes, but he wasn't looking, eyes averted to the pillow and smile strained. His ears were pinned back, too. "Is that a tail?"

He let out a short, annoyed sigh. "Yes."

"Since when did you have a tail?" My claws gently moved with the direction of the fur, making sure to be light and gentle since he was very obviously uncomfortable.

"Since I was born." His eyes darted once to me, then again when he noticed my new stare. It turned into a smile when I saw him watching. "What is it?"

"Can...can I touch your ears?" I asked slowly, afraid that he might yell or pull away. He didn't, though. He gave a mumbled 'yes' and slowly brought his ears back up to stand straight.

I moved my hand from his tail to his face, letting the back of my claws gently run along his back. His one arm was still across my shoulders and he used it to pull me closer so I couldn't look up to see his face, but I could.

His ear twitched when my fingers finally found it. I kept my touch light as I ran them up the back and twisted the hair between my fingers. He was purposely trying to make it hard for me to reach but our connection told me he wasn't hating it. After the nervous wreck he's put me through, he deserved a little himself.

I was tired but an idea popped in my head.

I brought my hand back down and shifted away, earning a confused look from him. I propped myself up on an elbow to get a better look at his red eyes. My closest arm laid across his shoulders as my tail wrapped around his ankle.

"Are...do you...what else are you hiding from me?" My tail moved to his feet that were apparently deer clove feet.

"A deer is unthreatening." He tried to sit up but I laid my weight on his side so he couldn't. His eyebrows perked up, claws finding my shoulder and nervousness wounding its way into his head.

"But why not tell me?" I reached up to touch his ears, catching his eyes closing as my claws moved through just his hair. A lot of little secrets were revealing themselves.

For a while he didn't answer. I gently massaged the edges of his one ear, then moved down to the base where he let out a huge sigh. I moved my hand away from his ears and pressed down on the area around his antlers, earning yet another sigh. It was nice to see him like this, quiet and unthreatening.

The urge overtook me before I could stop, threading my fingers in his hair and moving it to the side to plant a kiss on his forehead. His eyes snapped open to look at me, fluttering shut again when I moved to the other ear.

My elbow was getting tired from holding myself up. I told him to move his arm from under me, feeling a strange twist in my stomach as he silently obeyed, and laid down. He rested his cheek on my stomach, wrapped a lanky arm around my waist, and moved his leg under one of mine. The tip of my tail gently wrapped around his newly discovered one that twitched from the contact.

My claws began to massage both ears now, occasionally running them through his hair or around his antlers. This was very much new and not worthy of any complaints.

We fell asleep like that, waking up in the late morning with legs tangled and hands clasped firmly together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note:

Enjoy my little devils

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:

@wendigonamecaller @saccharine-nectarine @thesimpybitch

#demi demon #alastor the radio demon #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #soulmate au #soulmates #reqs open #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin husk #charlie morningstar

72 notes · View notes

teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

Cruel Summer | Chapter V: Oceans and Engines (end)

Pairings: Neteyam x (f)Human!Reader

Word Count: 8k words

Warnings/notes: angst, allusions to/mentions of smut, some fluff, all the feels, 18+ minors DNI

Synopsis: "The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable. We open our hearts to it. ... To grieve deeply is to have loved fully. Open your heart to the world as you opened it to me, and you will find every reason to keep living in it."

A/N: Please read this before you read the final chapter x

Also, please listen to the playlist, and Oceans and Engines as you read, as I feel it will really enhance the experience.

I will leave my notes at the end of the chapter. Ily besties, enjoy!

: ̗̀➛ listen to the Cruel Summer playlist here : ̗̀➛ masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x)

Saturday sunset

We're lying on my bed with five hours to go

Fingers entwined and so were our minds

Cryin', "I don't want you to go"

Neteyam was disorientated and lost, more so than he's ever been in his life, a life that felt like quicksand, swallowing him whole with every involuntary move, that didn't allow him to escape until it suffocated him, until it snuffed the light completely out of his body, until there was nothing left. Still, in this state, his only thought of you, and of the necessity to find you, to talk to you, of the hope that you'd talk him out of it.

He eventually found you on the beach, staring into the distance, back turned away from him, and his heartbreak hurt, its edges bleeding and broken, reeling at the unfairness of the universe, at the thought of having to tell you, once again, that he’s abandoning you for someone else, for a sense of duty he didn’t seem to be able to overcome.

“Vol…”

Your soft sniffles took Neteyam by surprise, as did your face, littered in tears, eyes, nose and cheeks red and swollen. Neteyam exhaled, a sharp tug of pain tugging at his insides, and he sat next to you, unable to look at your face without breaking down, so he just looked at the ocean.

“You heard.”

He saw you nodding in his periphery.

“Yeah… your mother, uhm… she was talking about it when I went to check on Kiri.”

“Vol, I…”

“Hey… stop.” You turned to face him, your knees pressing hard against his thighs, and you reached out to his face and turned it so he was looking at you. You brushed the tears that were falling over his lips and they trembled slightly as you did.

“I think it’s my turn to talk.”

You took a deep breath in.

“All my life, I felt alone. I watched from the outside looking in at a life I could never have. I watched kids, my age, blue and so much taller than me, laughing and running and playing, not for one second having to doubt their place in the world, the meaning of their lives, because it was clear as day, from the moment they were born. I watched as you guys had a loving family, and two parents who were crazy about you, and so much love filled your tent and your faces, I was always jealous. I know you know this, but my mother never wanted me. She always resented me for not being able to return back home, for being too pregnant to allow for the cryo technology needed to make it back it Earth. Seven years I knew her, and seven years were enough for her to give me enough trauma to never fully recover from it, trauma I’ve yet to outgrow. So I was jealous. I wanted so badly to be part of your family, and of your world. I hated myself, and my body, and my parents, and every little happenstance that it took for me to be here, in this place, as I am, useless and weak.

But then, one day, this boy, he changed everything. He gave me a home, in his eyes, and his arms, in his mind and his laugh. And I’ve never been the same since. We grew up together and learnt to brave life together. I was his confidant, and his court jester. He was my biggest cheerleader, and my bodyguard. We were each other’s brother and sister, and later, we were each other’s comfort and love. I found myself in him, and I learnt my beauty looking at it through his eyes. I discovered my worth in the way he looked at me like stars were born from the freckles of my skin. And I hope I did the same to him. Neteyam, you saved my life. You gave me a sense of belonging, and a home. You gave me love, and friendship, and the chance to be myself and loved unconditionally for it. And I’ll never be able to thank you for it.

All my life, I have been selfish. I got to watch as you had to struggle with big sacrifices that you were forced to make, and got to be angry at you for making them, without really thinking about it too much. I got to always be the victim, and made you the villain, because it’s easier this way. I got to be mad at you and think of myself so much of my life. And you had to live with the knowledge that you broke my heart, and deal with that guilt on top of everything else you were going through. And… I’m sorry.”

Your voice cracked as he tightly shut his eyes and put his head in his hands, sobbing silently, finally able to let it all out, after all these years, after so long of keeping it all in.

You wiped away tears

But not fears under the still and clear indigo

You said, "Baby, don't cry, we'll be fine

You're the one thing I swear I can't outgrow"

“It’s my turn, now.” You tried to crack a smile. “It’s my turn to be the bad guy. It’s my turn to break your heart. It’s my turn to be selfless, for once in my life. So I’m leaving, Neteyam. I think it’s time for me to go.”

“What?”

“We tried." the smile faltered as you said those words, as your voice broke, replaced by glistening eyes and a poorly masked grimace.

"We gave it our all, didn’t we? It’s the best that we could do, the best anyone can do, is give it their best. We did that. And I was so afraid yesterday, afraid of the fall, and while the fall is here, I’m not afraid anymore. Because I got to love you. At last once, I got to know that you loved me too, and that all these years, everything we shared, despite what we told each other, it was real, and it was love. I got almost two years with the man of my dreams, the love of my life, and I’m grateful for it. I got to know what it was like to be in love and have it reciprocated, what it was like to belong to someone, fully, wholly, and… what better way is there to live?

You know, it always felt like we were running on borrowed time, you and me. And it turns out we were. And while our time is up, I still got a lifetime of memories that I’ll always carry with me, that I’ll always cherish.”

He sobbed and you cried silent tears, as he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you, and you felt his whole body shake as he cried, and you let him, and you prayed you could be strong enough to withhold his pain and your own. With your head buried in his chest, you stood there, crying together, slowly coming to terms with the love you lost, and the future you’d never get, and the past that made the pain unbearable, and the body you’d never get to hold again. He was everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you kept in dreams and prayers, everything you hoped for and ached for, and you lost him, and he was no longer yours. Was he ever yours to lose?

“You know, humans believe in this concept of parallel universes. That in this immense universe we are in, there are actually other ones, parallel to our own, in which reality differs. There are infinite realties out there, they say, each of them slightly different to the other. In a different reality, you and I are together right now. In a different reality, I get to stay, and I get to love you forever. In another one, maybe I’m an Avatar, or a Na’vi, and everything we’ve struggled through is moot to begin with. Or maybe, in another one, we’re both human, here at the same time, or back on Earth, and right now we are at our boring 9 to 5 jobs, just daydreaming about seeing each other after work, and bickering about who’s gonna take out the trash. I think things work out for us in every universe but this one, and maybe that’s ok. Maybe we have to suffer for all the other you and mes to get their happy ending, and… I think I’m ok with that.”

“I just got you back. I just got you back.”

“I know.”

My mother said the younger me was a pretending prodigy

Well, nothing then, much has changed

'Cause while you're wolfin' down liquor, my soul, it gets sicker

But I'm stickin' to the screenplay, gotta say I'm okay, but answer this, babe

“Come on. We still have today. You’re still mine today, and I’m still yours today. And I want to remember it, this day, not for the worst goodbye of my life, but because it’s one more day I got to love you, the way I wanted to for so long.”

You got up from your spot on the beach and you pressed your palms on his raised knees so that he’d drop them, and he did. You’ve never seen Neteyam like this, this broken before. He looked a lot like you felt, but you knew he had braved too many storms for the two of you and it was your turn. Your turn to be the strong one, to put on the brave face and allow him to mourn, the way you did when he left. He deserved this, and you were happy to do it until you left on that helicopter, as long as you managed to ease his pain at least a little. You positioned yourself with each leg on one side of his thighs, and like this, for the first time ever, you were taller than him, and you did your best to lift his face up with both your hands on either side of his jaw, smiling as your eyes met, trying to ignore how your heart was breaking in a million pieces, how this was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, how little time you actually had to look in his eyes anymore and how lost your life would be without his light to guide you through it. You ignored it all and smiled, caressing his face, softening his frown, trailing your soft fingers over his eyes and nose and lips, tugging at the sides until you forced the corners upwards, willing them into his own little smile. You allowed his tears to stain your fingers and you removed your mask and kissed them off his face, as you did his lips, and the rest of his features until you were forced away from him, like you always were when outside, like you would always be from now on.

“Come on, you can’t let me leave without another swim.”

How is it now that somehow you're a strangеr?

You were mine just yеsterday

I pray the block in my airway dissipates

And instead deters your airplane's way

Later, you laid on his chest, looking at your hands intertwined, his so much bigger than yours, almost engulfing it altogether, taking each one his knuckles and kissing them while your uncovered airways still allowed you to, and you tried your best to forget, at least for a while, that your reality was the tragic one. He did take you swimming again, riding the ilu that you’ve come to like as almost a friend, and you felt a tinge of sadness at another thing you got in one day that you had to let go of tomorrow. He took you to the Tree of Souls, which was forbidden to outsiders, but he didn’t care, not anymore. He wanted you to see it, because in his dreams, he always showed it to you, and in his dreams, you saw it and your guise and manner of expressing yourself brought him so much happiness it always woke him up, and he was glad to know his mind still knew you better than it knew itself, because you reacted exactly the way he’s always imagined, and it did make him so happy that he could cry, that he did cry, once more, tears barely dry from last time.

How was he supposed to let you go? How was he supposed to go ahead with this, when every fibre of his being, every thought of his mind belonged to you, and always will? When he finally found you, when he finally got you, when he knew what happiness really looked like, and how it had always been buried in the depths of your soul, and he just needed to ask for permission to enter it, and now that he had, he didn’t think he could ever leave, and he knew he didn’t ever want to leave. How could life be so cruel, and this summer, the cruelest of them all?

But heaven denied

Destiny decried

Something beautiful died

Too soon

You took a detour back to the village and stopped on a different beach, isolated and reclusive, full of greenery and sandy beaches, that you decided was now your beach, your own little portion of heaven in the reef, that Neteyam promised would be for just the two of you, for the rest of time, as long as he could help it. He was happy to know he’s once more learnt your body like he used to know it back home, and devastated at how he would never get to put his lessons to good use after today, and from tomorrow, every new scar, and new curve, every new freckle or mole, it would all be unfamiliar to him, never to be seen or learnt again, never his to know again.

“I figured out what I want.” Neteyam says all of a sudden, and you raise your eyebrows, confused at his words.

“Hmm?”

“Our little bet in the water? I beat you to it, and I was supposed to tell you what I wanted and you were supposed to do it.”

“Ah, yes.” You say, almost impossible to perceive that that was just yesterday, and how it felt like a world away, like a life away.

“So what do you want, 'teyam?”

“I want you to promise me you’ll be happy. And you’ll live your life to the fullest, just like you always have when I was there.”

Your eyes widened and the tears that followed had no time to gather in them as they came and went in a split second, and you were almost surprised you still had tears left to cry. You tried your best to put on a brave face, that you worried came off more like a wince, and you laughed, a fruitless attempt at making light of a dark, dim situation.

“How can I be happy without you, 'teyam?” It was meant to be a joke. Just a teasing, light joke, but it came out as more of a wail, because while the words were supposed to be said in jest, they were also a genuine concern, a question that has plagued you for months and will continue to, for a very long time.

It was his turn to put a brave face on and a fake smile as he rolled his eyes and pulled you closer.

“It shouldn’t be that hard, I’m not that great anyway.”

You laughed too, wishing there was a way to erase the liquids pooling at the bottom of your damp mask.

“Eh, you’re right. You’re just ok.”

You tightened your arms around his torso, and pulled him as close to you as you could. You both sighed, and tried to keep more tears from falling through.

“Just try. Please? I need to know you’re going to try, Vol.”

You nodded reluctantly, feeling as each crack of your heart deepened and chipped away, broken shards floating through your veins, making the ache travel through every inch of your body.

“Only if you try.”

But I'm letting go, I'm givin' up the ghost

But don't get me wrong

I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

You woke up in his arms as eclipse was almost over, and whatever was left of your heart sank as the dreaded new day came, and with it, the end of happiness and of life as you came to know it for almost 20 years. He was awake, you realised, as you raised your head to check, hopeless look about him as he looked up at the sky, at the eclipse melting into breaking dawn. You sighed, realising that there was very little to be said, very few words that could make this better, that could ever amend and mend the hurt in your both hearts, the loss of a relationship, a friendship and a future all in one, so you said nothing. You both watched the time ticking with each inch of the planet moving away from the sun, until eventually, the last remnants of the eclipse were just a memory. Like he now was.

You rose to your feet, finding it hard to put on your clothes and turn around to face him. He half-rose as well, sitting with his arms propped behind him, leaning on them, as he continued to look up at the sky, not bothering to erase the tears falling down his face and chin until they hit his chest. You sat next to him, looking at the beach and at how the waves crashed onto the shores, and tried to focus on the rhythmic sounds they made to calm your racing, bleeding heart.

“‘teyam… I think it’s time for you to go.” You ignored the way your voice broke as you spoke and you hoped he would, as well. “I think it’s time. I will stay here, on this beach, and I need you to please get up and go.”

“Vol… I can’t leave you… please…”

“Yes, you can. You will get up, and you will go, and you will be the selfish one for once. And you will do your duty, which is what you’ve always wanted to do, and you will meet this girl and fall in love with her in time, and watch as she adores you, because how could she not?, and you will be Olo’eyktan, the way you were always meant to be. You will do all these things, because you have to. Because, deep down, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

You were both crying, sobbing in each other’s arms, trying to find the courage to leave, to finally say goodbye.

“I’m so sorry, Vol.”

You shook your head. One last time, you took off your mask and kissed him, and you poured it all into the kiss, the goodbye you could never bring yourself to speak out loud, the love you had and now had to leave behind, the dreams and aspirations that were now just specks of sand blown in the wind, you put it all in that last kiss, and felt him do the same.

“Don’t be sorry. I love you so much. And I forgive you.”

“I realised something these past two days. I held on to so much hate and anger because it helped me deal with your loss. But it was haunting, and piercing, my time away from you. The fire that was fuelled by my rage burned cold, like frostbite. But this… is different. Forgiveness is warm. Like a tear on a cheek. Think of that… and of me, when you stand in the rain. I loved you completely, and you loved me the same. That’s all. The rest is confetti.”

“Now go.”

And so he did, and so you watched his back as it got further and further away from you until he was completely gone, and alone at last, you finally felt free to fall apart.

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright

Someday I'll be fine

But just not tonight

The ceremony was beautiful. She was beautiful. Tall and turquoise skinned, with luscious, long, curly hair and a supple, jewellery-adorned body, she was everything you would never be. Jake insisted that you stayed. You were family, this was a happy time, and you should be here to celebrate. And so you stayed. And you watched as the Tsa’hik symbolically bound their destinies together with a piece of woven thread. You watched as she brought their heads together and made them recite words of promise and forever, looking into each other’s eyes, praying to Eywa for a fruitful mateship and for healthy offsprings. You said your tears were happy tears, just excited tears, when asked by the scientists and the rest of the Sullys, and you felt suddenly sorry for them, that they would never know. That in their midst, the greatest love story they would have ever seen was born and died, and they were ignorant of it. And you were angry at them, and at the world, for it had missed you, and missed him, for it will never know a love like yours, a love that was beyond this life and the next, but you resigned yourself, in the end, in knowing that it was enough that you knew, and that he knew. It was enough.

After the ceremony, you had to watch as they left, just the two of them, headed towards the Tree of Souls, where you were just a few hours ago, and knowing what they were going to do made you sick, so you excused yourself and ran, as far as you could in the opposite direction, before lunging forwards and expelling all the pain and hurt that was too overbearing to remain contained in your body. You tried to think of anything else, like Tuk, and Kiri and Lo’ak, like Jake and Neytiri, like the beautiful beach and the sea and the animals inhibiting it, but everything came back to him, and the images flashing of him doing what you did last night to her, of his queues intertwined with hers, of having access to the part of him that only you were ever privy to, of the agonising thought that all your life, you were just a trial run for the real deal… it was hurt unlike anything you thought the human body could withstand, and yet you did. Because you promised him. That you would try to move on, and try to be happy.

“Don’t be a stranger, ok, kid? I know you were upset, and we’re really sorry, but we want you in our lives. Ok?”

You nodded and hugged Jake, and the rest of the Sullys, knowing you were lying, that you'll never come back here again, but glad to at least get this moment with them, a moment to catch-up and say a proper goodbye, and despite everything, despite it all, you were happy you came. Norm was right. It was good to have closure, it was good to let the people in your life that you love them, and that you’ll miss them, and that life will never be the same without them. You never know where life will take you next, and everything can change at a drop of a hat. But at least you got this. You got to love Neteyam, and hold him. You got to laugh and chat as you always used to do, you got to tell him how much he’s always meant to you and hear how much he’s loved you in return, and you got to ease his pain, at least a little, and despite it all, you were grateful.

Plungin' into all kinds of diversions

Like blush wine and sonorous soirées

But even with gin and surgin' adrenaline

I see you're all that can intoxicate

The ride home was quiet, or at least it appeared so to you, as you didn't register anything besides the emptiness of your own soul and the overflowing of your thoughts that were trying to understand it all, trying to piece together what they had just witnessed and what they'd have to do to get you through the upcoming days. It was quiet, as was meeting spider again, although you vaguely remember some echoed cries and screams, some pleas of "please make it stop", someone carrying you to your room, and falling asleep in unfamiliar arms, that weren't blue or dotted with stars, that weren't the ones you ached for, the ones you'd never be in again.

The days were slow, and dragging. It was hard to find your footing in this new life. Before Awa’atlu, despite the anger and the pain, there was some hope in your mind, that you’d one day see him again. It was enough to keep you going, even if it was for you to yell at him, to curse him off, to scream about how angry you were and hope that he would apologise and make it up to you. It kept you going, that unlikely scenario, made you push through the hurt and change. But now, you didn’t have that anymore. There was no unresolved issues, no lingering, hidden feelings that could still be confessed, no way for him to one day return and ever be yours in any form ever again. There was nothing there. And that gaping hole left by his absence, by the love that was nested in your body with nowhere to go, with no one to give it to, the hole left by everything he was to you and the life he’s left behind, it was enough to cower you, to knock you down, day after day, enough so that you couldn’t find it in you to get up in the morning.

Oceans and engines

You're skilled at infringing on great love affairs

'Cause now my heart's home

All I've known is long gone and ten thousand miles away

And I'm not okay

Norm’s subtle knocks were unmistakable - he was always gentle and kind, and always mindful of your disposition. You didn’t answer, but he came in anyway after a while, his hand over his eyes.

“Is it ok for me to come in?” You sighed and rose from the bed, feet dangling off the side.

“Yes, Norm. I’m coming to the lab now, sorry for being late.”

He came in and the door slid closed behind him with a soft thud. He sat next to you on the bed and looked nervously at his fidgety hands. You rose an eyebrow, intrigued as to what could have made him this way.

“Kid… are you ok? Like… are you truly ok?”

Your eyes widened imperceptibly at his loaded question, that you knew you could never answer truthfully, that no white lie could ever cover. So you didn’t.

“Why wouldn’t I be ok?”

“Because there’s no light in your eyes anymore, kid. Because I look at you and it’s like I’m looking at a ghost. Because you’re scaring the shit out of me and Max.” He sighed, and reached over to take your hand in his and squeezed.

“We didn’t know. About you and Neteyam, we didn’t know.”

Your gaze snapped at his face, and he looked sad and… almost embarrassed looking back at you.

“Norm, wh-…? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know you can talk to us, right? I know it’s weird to talk to your surrogate uncles, but we’re here for you, kid. And you shouldn’t have to go through something like this alone. I’m sorry you had to sit through the ceremony, we didn’t realise until it was too late.”

“How?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you spoke.

“During. And after. We had to watch the life getting snuffed out of your eyes slowly on the way back home. I’ve never seen anyone look so sad before… maybe except him. It was supposed to be one of the best days of his life, and yet, he’s never looked worse, the poor kid.”

“I’m sorry, kid. How long…?”

“It’s… complicated. I’m sorry I never told you. We both felt it wasn’t something anyone would be comfortable with, and we both know it could never last. It was supposed to be… fuck. I don’t know what it was supposed to be.”

Norm sighed and put a hand on your shoulder, giving it a sympathetic tug.

But I'm letting go, I'm giving up the ghost

But don't get me wrong, I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright, but just not tonight

"Did I ever tell you about Trudy?" you shook your head. The name sounded familiar, and you're sure you've heard it from Jake or Max, but other than the fact that she was a human that died in the war, you didn't know much else.

"She was... well, I guess she was my Neteyam." tears immediately gathered in your eyes at his statement and the empathy that engulfed you, because, if it was anything like it, then you pitied Norm and wished you could take away some of his pain, just like you wish someone could take away some of yours.

"I loved her, so much. I loved this planet when I came here, but it was a superficial love. I was young, and wanted nothing else than to prove myself, that I'm a good scientist, that I'm a good researcher. I was jealous and bitter of Jake for getting what I thought was my chance at success, at fame. And then I met her, and she was so full of light, and spark. She was brave, and kind. She just wanted to live and laugh and fly her helicopter, and... and do the right thing. Not because it would have brought her money or prizes or acclaim, but because that's just who she was. I thought I knew what love was, what being a good person was, what being happy was, but I didn't, not until I fell in love with her. When she died, I was so lost. I felt like a part of me died with her. I thought I'd never recover, and to a certain extent, I never did. I wish I can tell you that time heals, but in reality, that's not a guarantee. But you want to know something?"

"All her lessons, both meant and inadvertent, everything she meant to me, all the memories we shared, everything is still here. I still carry it with me, and it will always be a part of me. She will always be a part of me, and while that thought scared me in the beginning, while I hoped that time healing meant I would forget, now I know it means embracing the happiness it gave you, all the ways their presence in your life made you a better person. It means knowing that love is real, and it's everything, because you felt it with them, because they shared it with you. It's what makes this life worth living. And pain is just a reminder of how incredible your time together was. Cause in the end, what is grief, if not love persevering?"

Tonight was the first time I stared into seas

Of beguiling sepia two years ago

And the first time I learned real world superpowers lived in three words

They revitalise my fraying bones

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

“Happy birthday, Vol.”

“So, how would rate your 19th birthday compared to your 18th?”

You thought about it for a while.

“Well, I can say it’s had a lot less booze, but a lot better sex.” You both laughed while your head was rested on his shoulder, as you watched your favourite season of your favourite show, sprawled in bedsheets, his naked body glimmering in the dark and reflecting in your eyes as you took his beauty in, that you never got accustomed to, no matter how many times you saw it. When the credits rolled in and the music faded, leaving a dark room behind, silent apart from your breaths, that were getting laboured once more as desire built up in your core yet again, you straddled him and watched his face get closer to yours, until your lips met, until his tongue explored your mouth and neck, leaving traces of him on you, until your hands trailed his chest and abdomen, lingering over his abs, until they reached what they were looking for, until he made you scream, over and over, until you let him.

“You’re a fiend.”

“I’m a fiend?! What about you?” Neteyam shook his head, and you scoffed and rolled your eyes at what you thought was a preposterous statement.

“Let’s think about it. Who seduced who the first time? Who was drunk off their ass and asked to fuck, huh?”

“Who kept getting boners around their best friend until one day she had the guts to do something about it, huh?”

He rolled you off of him with ease and pinned you to the ground, smirking and pushing his hips into your still dripping core.

“You know why I kept getting boners, Vol? Because I could smell you. I could smell how wet you were around me. Your scent drove me nuts for so long. It still does. You intoxicate me. You drive me fucking crazy, Vol.”

You said nothing as you looked in his eyes, as your heart fluttered much like the butterflies that were digging their way through your stomach.

“‘teyam…” He shuts you up with kiss, tender and soft, so unlike his words or actions, and you melt into it, and the fear creeps in your chest as you fall for him deeper, as you half-consider just telling him, just coming out with it, because fuck, you loved him and this wasn’t helping.

“I have something for you. Birthday present.” Suddenly, he got off you, leaving you a breathless mess, and retrieved something from the pile of clothes on the floor. He plopped himself next to you and pulled you close, until you were resting his head on his torso, and you snuggled into him, glancing at the object in his hand curiously.

His words were soft-spoken and quiet, almost bashful, and you noticed his heart picking up speed, thumping loudly in the ear that was pressed tightly against his chest. “I didn’t know what to do for your birthday, considering you’re already blessed with the best gift in the world… my presence in your life, that is…” you snickered sarcastically, and he continued. “…but, every time I go on a mission, I think of you, and your voice that tells me to be safe, and I see your eyes looking back at me as you stitch my wounds afterwards, and I make it a point to grab a pebble at the end of each mission, to give to you. But, for one reason or another, I never did. So here.” He grabbed your hand in his, turning it upwards so your palm was facing the ceiling, and dropped the item in it.

A necklace. A gorgeous, stunning, impossibly beautiful choker, with tens, if not hundreds of beads and pebbles of different colours and textures woven into it. It looked majestic, fit for a queen, or a Tsa’hik, and you felt tears pool in your eyes at its meaning, at how long he must have been collecting these for, with you in mind, at how long it must have taken to make, at how much it meant to him, and now to you. He took it from you and you held your hair so he could fasten it around your neck. It fit you perfectly, and you smiled up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“How did you know it was going to fit?” He smiled and your fingers caressed your cheek, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

“Let’s just say I’ve had my hand wrapped around your throat enough times to have a pretty good frame of reference.”

You couldn’t help the blush in your cheeks, or the way your reached back for your new gift so you could trace your fingers over it, imprinting the feel of every bead in your mind, thinking of each one and trying to correlate it to a time, or a place, to a hunt or a battle he was part of that you weren’t, but how you were ever-present in his mind.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it, ‘teyam. Thank you.”

“Making this necklace, it was a good reminder that you have been the only constant in my life since I was born. No matter how much my life has changed, how much I changed, you’ve always been there to brave the storm with me. And I love you, Vol. You’re my best friend. Forever.”

“Forever.”

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

The hurt of the dream lingered as you woke up, as you had to deal with its remnants that were tattooed in your mind, as you had to once more convince yourself that somehow waking up is better than what you just left behind. It wasn’t, it never was. It was hard to find the will to get out of bed when in bed, this was your reality, filled with beautiful memories and hopeful fantasies, whereas out of bed, your reality was filled with war, and fighting, training til everything bled, and the gaping hole of heartbreak. And to top it all off, it’s your birthday today. A day that stopped belonging to you two years ago, and was instead just another bitter reminder of his absence.

You got up from the bed and showered, finding comfort in the water hitting your skin and untying the knots in your tense muscles. It's taken awhile, weeks for you to mourn, but you have officially started training with Spider and Tarsem again, and you hated to admit it, but it helped. Being outside, in the forest, from dusk til dawn, thinking of nothing else but the ache in your body and the focus on the target, on the next goal, the next milestone, it kept your mind occupied and it allowed you to cope better than you ever expected. It was nice to be around other people, and you felt grateful for each and every one of them, because in truth, you didn't think you could have made it on your own.

When you made your way through the village to join everyone for breakfast, you were greeted with a myriad of screams of happy birthday, from humans, avatars and Na'vi alike, and for the first time in weeks, you felt a tinge of joy in your heart, and a swell of gratitude for the unforeseeable change in attitude from the people of the clan. For the first time in your life, you felt welcomed here, and you didn't know whether it was Tarsem's influence, or the Na'vi having another reminder, now that the Sky People were back, that not all humans are inherently evil, or your strenuous effort to be one of them and join in the battles and the training, but regardless of what it was, it was a gratifying change.

"Birthday girl, come on. We've been dying to give you your present." Max had the biggest smile on his face and an item you couldn't place in his hand.

"Here. Happy birthday, from all of us."

You raised an eyebrow.

"From all of you? That's a big present."

You took the curious contraption in your hands and twirled it around. It was lanky and weird, and it looked old, before your time, and even their time. You noticed as you inspected it that it had an eyepiece that resembled that of a microscope.

"That, kid, is called a stereoscope. Look into it."

You did, and as you put your eyes in the socket, a big picture of... cells came into view. But they weren't cells you've ever seen before.

"What is this?"

"Those, kid... are your cells. Actually, if we are being specific, they are your future Avatar's cells."

The stereoscope fell from your hands and you were happy Spider had catlike reflexes because it looked precious and unique and you didn't want to break it, but God, in that moment, you really couldn't care less.

"What did you say?"

"You know all the things we got from the humans that we didn't know what to do with or what they were? Well, we figured it out, kid. You, Spider and Max are all getting Avatars. And their technology massively improved, too. They're growing like crazy, it shouldn't take more than a year. By next year, you might be able to take it out for a spin."

A year later, as you celebrated yet another birthday, you had to give it to the scientists for being men of their word, as you stood in your new shiny Avatar body, that you've already become used to in the few weeks you've been inhabiting it. The mountain stronghold was filled with laughter and music as the celebration was underway, as people celebrated you and your 21st birthday, a big event back on Earth, apparently. You laughed with the rest of them, drinking and telling stories of this and that, trying not to dwell on the thoughts that were burrowing through layers of your mind, coming to the forefront, unwanted and unannounced. Thoughts of him, of you, thoughts of how this Avatar could have been the answer to all your problems if news of it came even if a few weeks before, how the universe was cruel and mocking, and how none of it mattered, not anymore. You wanted to focus on the positives, and you would. Just not tonight. Tonight, you had one last thing to do.

Now what do you do when your pillar crumbled down

You've lost all solid ground

Both dreams and demons drowned

And this void's all you've found

And doubts light it aglow?

As the celebration died down, in the early hours of the morning, you made your way to a place you loved so much, that you knew you needed to see once more, today, on your birthday. Because this place was his place, that he shared with you a long time ago, that in time became your place, and there was no more appropriate time to visit it one last time than today, on your birthday, exactly 3 years after everything changed between you. It was a long walk, on treacherous paths that you felt uneasy traversing by yourself, but there was no one else to do this with - not outside of him. Eventually, you pushed past thick foliage and greenery and you saw it, and despite how much time it’s passed, it still felt like the wind was knocked from your lungs with enough force to make you fall to the ground. It’s like no time passed at all. It still felt like he never left. To this day, his ghost haunted you, his memory continuous and unperturbed in your mind.

Eventually, you pushed back and sat on the edge of the cliff, like you did the first time he brought you here, and looked at the endless beauty of the vast drop and the roar of the waterfall as it fell and hit the river underneath.

You couldn’t even remember all the times you have been here, both of you looking ahead at the view, laughing and talking with no cares in the world, just happy to be in each other’s presence, happy to feel safe and understood, and have someone to complain to, someone to share your deepest secrets and fears with no judgement. All the times he’s watched you cry, or made you cum, too many to count, too many to forget.

I have so many questions

But I'm pouring them into the ocean

And I'm starting up my engine

You would have given anything for him to be here as you were now, tall and blue and supple, to be able to share this moment with him, to be able to kiss him in this place you both loved, that carried so much of you, of him, to be able to know one day you’ll bring your children here, that you’ll be able to watch it pass by from the back of an ikran as you went on a family trip. You wondered if he would have found you beautiful like this, if he would even recognise you. You barely recognised yourself these days, both like this and going back to your human body, your real body, that changed as you spent more time in the neurolink, learning to be Na’vi, building up the strength in the only body that now seemed to count. You wondered if he would be excited with you, or if he’d miss your normal body. You wondered if he’d just forget about your body altogether and focus only on the blue one you were currently inhabiting.

You wondered if he was happy. If he was getting along with his new mate, if she’s nice to him, if she knows how to mend his wounds and that he’s allergic to some of the plants a Tsa’hik uses for healing ointments. You wondered if he’s suffering as much as you are, even after all this time, or if he’s moved on, like he should, like you should. There were so many questions, that will forever remain unanswered, but that’s why you were here. You were here to look at this place one last time, to throw all the unsolved mysteries of life, and love, of the past and future away, away in the river, so they can float away into the ocean and be lost in the abyss, and allow you to finally move on.

You reached your hand in the pouch you had tightened on your chest, and pulled out a necklace, the necklace, that meant too much to you, and you looked at it, tracing your fingers over every one of the many pebbles embellishing it, reminiscing about the stories you made up in your head about each one, remembering each memory Neteyam told you they were about, watching as tears bounced off of them as the world became blurry around you, until eclipse slowly faded away from view and day took its place. You stood there for hours, thinking, crying, trying to build up the courage to do what you knew you had to do… needed to do.

And I'm letting go, I'm givin' up your ghost

It's come to a close, I marked the end with this last song I wrote

Late in the night, with one last look at the necklace that didn’t fit you anymore, at all it represented, with one last glance at every pebble - each one, in your mind, a memory, or a touch, or a kiss, or a laugh, each one an i love you, an I miss you you said to each other, each one a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month spent together, each one a memory you’d never get to make, a touch, or a kiss, or a laugh you’d never get to share again, each one an I love you or an I miss you you’d never get to say or hear again, you let go of it all, letting it fall over the edge of the cliff, hoping that he’s happy, like he promised you he’d try to be, and determined to keep your own promise in this new life, a life that started and will end without him.

I'm letting go, this is the last falsetto I'll ever sing to you

My great lost love.

A/N: there it is, besties. the intended end to cruel summer. honestly, i just wanted to say a massive thank you if you managed to reach this far. when i started this blog, a few months ago, and posted the first chapter of illicit affairs, i did it on a whim, i did because i thought why not? Now, 2000 followers later, I get to write so many stories I never thought I'd ever get to, or even think of, and it's all because of you.

Cruel Summer means a lot to me, as i think it signifies my growth as a writer, my growth on this platform, and as a person learning through deal with my own personal issues through my characters. I loved writing it so much, I cried so much, probably more than with any other story I wrote, and I hope I managed to make you feel something, and maybe think, bc that's all I want, that's all anybody that does any sort of art can want i think.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and I hope you stay for what's next, bc I'm not done, as long as there's still people that want to be here. I love you and am very grateful to all 2000 of you.

thank you @karma-is-a-cat-purringinmylap bc this ending is the way it is bc of her and her sending me this song back in like chapter II. I love you and you changed my life by introducing me to niki. (initially, the chapter was going to be Happiness after TS's song)

Also see if you can spot all the quotes from different games/tv shows i used ;)

Taglist: @liluvtojineteyam @pinkpantheris @fanboyluvr@bananafruityawne @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @netemoon @www-interludeshadow-com @jackiehollanderr

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