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mercy-burning · 3 years

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Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

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#mercy 1k celebration #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader smut

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alltooreid · 3 years

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I Think He Knows

Y/N has a huge crush on Spencer Reid, so huge she embarrasses herself every time she tries to talk to him. She is convinced he is aware to all her pathetic attempts at flirting and just chooses to ignore it, but turns out Spencer may be a little more clueless than she thought.

A/N: Hope yall enjoy this cute fluffy fic! I’ve been having a rough couple of days so writing a fun fluff like this was really comforting :) yes it is inspired by the t swift song, but you don’t need to know the song to read and enjoy! also my requests are open so let me know what you want to see! (also sorry if this is kind of short, but i’ve been super busy and wanted to put something out :)))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute pining fluff fic

Word Count: 2.3K

Content Warnings: mentions of alcohol, otherwise none.

“He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm seventeen, nobody understands No one understands”

“He has to know Penelope, I’m not exactly subtle.”

You and Penelope spent the majority of your lunch breaks in her office, discussing anything and everything. Recently however, the point of contention had been a certain young genius. One who you had a huge crush on.

“Spencer Reid may be a genius, and one of the best profilers I have ever seen but he most certainly does not know,” she said, as she drizzled more dressing on her salad.

“He has to, it feels like everyone knows. . . Do you think everyone knows?”

She shrugged, “They might, I know my Chocolate Thunder hasn’t picked up on it yet.”

“You haven’t told him? It’s already been a week since I’ve told you! How did you keep it a secret for so long?”

“You asked me very nicely not to tell anyone! Plus this one seems really important to you. I don’t want to go around telling people and for Reid to hear it in office gossip.”

You smiled, “Well you Penelope Garcia are the best, best friend ever.”

“You know it, now I know you desperately want to repay me for my services, and you can by giving me those exact ranch packets you have in your bag,” she said.

“They’re all yours, now let’s discuss something other than my pathetic schoolgirl crush. Like how stupid Kevin’s sweater was today.”

“Kevin? The other internal affairs technical analyst? Yeah what the heck was he wearing?”

“You know, I’m tired of having to carry the weight of the brains, looks and fashion sense out of the two of us,” you said. “Though, that is a good way to gather attention . . . I wonder if Spencer would actually hold a conversation with me if I wore something as ugly as that.”

She laughed, “You know I think that might send you backwards.”

You stabbed your lettuce, “At this point I’ll try anything.”

Before Penelope could respond, someone interrupted your lunch, your only other friend on the BAU team, Emily Prentiss.

“Oh hi Y/N! How are you!”

“I’m good Emily, what kind of gross things are you here to deliver today?” you and Emily joined the FBI at around the same time, and found comfort in the fact that you were both total try-hards. Emily was going to eat lunch with you and your fast friend Penelope, at least on days when she was in the office for lunch, but you and her both agreed that she should eat lunch with the team so that they can get used to having her around.

“Just some paperwork, no cases yet, knock on wood. Also I just wanted to say hello! What are you guys eating?” she asked, pulling up a chair.

“Some salads from that takeout veggie place PG is always talking about. I told you I was going vegetarian right?” “You did not! That’s great Y/N! We need to talk more, like we used to when we first started here,” she sighed, then perked up, “We should have girls night! Remember how fun it was that night at the bar? With Brad the real FBI agent?”

“Yes! We should! You know, Gideon’s replacement comes tomorrow, we should celebrate!” Garcia said.

“You know, I don’t know if the best way to celebrate a new agent is by drinking without them, but I’m down. We’ll toast our girls night to agent Rossi. Someone ask JJ if she’s busy.”

JJ was not busy, but when you and Emily asked, Morgan overheard.

“So am I not invited to the party?”

“Well it was supposed to be girls night . . . but I think PG would throw a fit if I turned down her 2nd favorite person in this building, so I guess you can come,” you teased. “You should come too Spencer!”

“I don’t know, that’s not really my thing . . “

“Oh come on! I know I would love to see you there,�� you then realized that you were embarrassing yourself being so forward. “And I’m sure everyone else would too!”

“Alright, I’ll come, but I’m not drinking.” he said firmly.

Before you could respond, Penelope magically appeared. “Good, you can be completely sober when Y/N gets wasted and embarrasses herself,” she said.

“PENELOPE! I’m not the light weight here! you’ll see Spencer, she’s actually awful. Two shots in and she’ll be on the floor,” this was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Spencer grimaced. “But it’ll be so much fun! You have to be there! You already said yes!”

“I just don’t know if seeing all of my coworkers get drunk while I watch is my idea of a fun evening. . .”

“Trust me! I’ll even stay sober with you, so we can judge them together. It’ll be a blast.”

“Ok, I’ll be there . . . but for now I need more coffee,” he pulled his chair out and walked towards the office kitchen. You silently cheered, forgetting how people were still standing around you.

“Well,” you awkwardly laughed, “um, I guess I better be getting back to my neck of the woods. I’m not a hot shot profiler like the rest of you guys . . . so see you all later!” You tried to escape before anyone interrogated you about your conversation with Spencer. However, a certain profiler followed quickly behind you.

“So. . . you and pretty boy huh?”

“Shut it Morgan.”

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You stayed true to your word that night, Spencer stuck to water and you enjoyed a diet soda. The bartender, who you had grown fairly used to seeing on your many nights out, was shocked to hear you didn’t want any alcohol in it.

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t drink, you already embarrassed yourself enough in front of Spencer fully sober.

“So Spencer, you know that new bookstore you said you were going to go to after work a couple weeks ago?”

“New bookstore . . .? Oh yeah! What about it?”

“Well after I heard you talking about it I decided to check it out . . . It’s really nice there! I go like every other night now! We should totally go together sometime.” Luckily, you were sober enough to keep a secret: the fact you were only going so much in the hopes of running into him.

“Oh really? If I’m being honest I wasn’t super impressed with their selection, it was mostly contemporary fiction. And all in English . . . Not really my thing,” when he saw the way your face dropped he quickly changed his tone, “but it’s great if that’s your thing!”

This. Is. Humiliating. The amount of times you had gone and bought books from the bookstore, you were there almost every night hoping to run into him after work and start a conversation. You felt stupid, of course he wouldn’t want to go on a book store date with you. If Spencer Reid didn’t like you so much that he wouldn’t even go to a bookstore with you, there’s no chance at a relationship.

“Oh haha, yeah you’re right it’s totally lame. . .”

“Didn’t you just say you went there all the time?”

“No! When did I say that? You must be drinking Dr. Reid,” you said, quickly hopping off your bar stool, and running towards Morgan and Garcia, not turning around to see how confused Spencer was, but only being able to imagine him as relieved. Relieved he didn’t have to make conversation with you anymore.

“I’m blowing this PG, he totally hates me.”

Morgan laughed, “Y/N, you’re acting silly, this isn’t high school, we aren’t seventeen, stop dancing around it and just go ask him out.”

“Morgan, he doesn’t want to go to a bookstore with me, no way he’s agreeing to a date.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, maybe he’s just not in the mood to go?”

“You go ask him then, 20 bucks he says yes.”

“You’re on Y/N/N.”

7 minutes later Morgan returned and without a word pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and deposited it into your hand. “Sorry, Y/N.”

Penelope then piped up, “I’m telling you Y/N, he just doesn’t know. That boy is clueless.”

You scoffed, “I think he knows Penelope. I’ve made it pretty clear.”

“Have you told him?”

You were thrown off, “Um, no but-”

“Well then you haven’t made it clear enough, have you sugar?”

You almost said something, but you couldn’t really think of a good rebuttal for the argument. So instead, you downed Penelope’s half dranken frozen margarita, and headed back over to Spencer.

“Hey!” he said as you made your way back over, “I was wondering where you went, after you left Derek came over and asked to go to that bookstore with me, isn’t that extraordinary. . .”

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” you blurted out.

“What?”

You sighed, “I’ve had a crush on you since like, forever, and I keep planning all these ways to ask you subtly but it’s just not working so I’m asking now. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“You like me? I didn’t know that . . .”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m not, I thought you were just being nice. You’re nice to everyone and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

You smirked, “Get your hopes up? Does that mean you’re obsessed with me too Dr. Reid?”

He laughed in response, “Yeah, you could definitely say that.”

You dug through your purse and pulled out your keys, “Ok, then let’s get out of here.”

He paled, “And do what?”

“We’re going on our first date.”

He smiled, and you both got up off your bar stools and headed out the door, ignoring Morgan’s snide remarks as you passed.

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You couldn’t help but smile as you drove. Every couple of seconds you couldn’t help but look over at Spencer, getting lost in his brownish hazel eyes, which looked indigo in the night. He would smile, the kind of smile people write silly little romance songs about and spend verses to describe, and tell you to pay attention to the road before you run off of it. You would laugh, tell him to calm down. Although originally you had an idea of where you were going, now you just wanted to drive in circles, to bask in this memory.

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“Think about it Doctor Reid . . .” you replied, teasing him in the way you’ve imagined since you met him.

You pulled up to that little bookstore on 16th avenue, the one you couldn’t stop going to out of the sheer chance Spencer might be there, the one that was obviously closed this late at night, but was too perfect not to spend your first date at.

“Although this is beautifully symbolic, it’s almost 2 in the morning, this place closes at 8. We’re 5 hours, 49 minutes and 17 seconds late.”

You smiled and pulled out your ring of keys, “You know, when I spent hours a night hanging around here after work, hoping that you would happen to come shop for books and see me here too, the woman who owns this store got pretty curious. So I told her why I was here, and after she got done laughing at me she offered me a key, so that if I ever had the guts to ask you out, I could take you here no matter what.” You turned the key and swung the door open, gesturing him inside and locking the door behind you, “but we have to keep the lights off, so no one comes by and tries to get in.”

You and Spencer sit in the non-fiction section, and enjoy the silence for a few seconds before you have an idea, “Read me something Reid.”

He reached up, pulling a book off of the shelf without looking, “Are you sure, A Brief History of 1491: Life in America Before Columbus, is first date material?”

“Although that book is anything but brief, anything you read to me will sound stunning coming from your pretty mouth.”

So he begins to read, attempting to slow down to a reasonable pace but still going abnormally fast. You didn’t care though, more than you listened to the history of the late fifteenth century you watched Spencer’s hands. They’re really nice hands.

His right followed the words as he read aloud and his left helped hold the book. He wiggled the fingers on his left hand unconsciously as he spoke, getting into the words of the book.

After about 25 pages he glanced over at you, and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head. After a second he went back to the page, and continued reading. You didn’t think anything of it until a couple minutes later, when his hand made its way to your left thigh.

He held it and you leaned into him, and you both stayed like that until you fell asleep hours later, with his head resting on top of yours.

At 8:30 Mrs. Betts, the owner of the bookstore, found you and Spencer, arms around each other, the book thrown aside. She smiled, glad to know you had taken her up on her offer. She went to go wake you up but glanced at her watch. She didn’t have to officially open until 10.

She could definitely spare a couple of minutes.

“I want you, bless my soul I ain't gotta tell him I think he knows”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

ATR’s tiny taglist: @reidingmelodies

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slowly-writing · 4 years

Text

Cheetos

Jennifer Jareau x Reader

Word count: 1.7k

Requested by anon: maybe if you get a chance....... jj is obsessed with cheetos right? what about asking her out using cheetos somehow

You spend a lot of time paying attention to what makes JJ happy. Probably too much time, but that's besides the point. You’ve only needed to act on this once and what worked oddly enough, was a bag of cheetos. You found out by accident one day. You were on the plane home from a case, you’d lost a child and JJ was beating herself up over it.

“JJ, you’ve gotta eat something. I know you haven’t eaten since yesterday,” you beg but she shakes her head.

“I’m not hungry.” her response is short and you sigh, walking over to the kitchen area on the jet and grabbing the first thing you see, a bag of cheetos, and placing them on her lap.

“Now I’m not going anywhere until you eat those, so we can either sit here and stare at each other for the remainder of this 5 hour flight, or you can eat the damn chips and I’ll leave you alone,” you say firmly, planting yourself in the seat across from her. You expect her to snap, maybe even throw the bag at you, but to your surprise she smiles. It’s a small one but it’s there, and then she opens the bag and eats it all.

You stored that knowledge away for a rainy day, which seems to be happening right now. She’s been moody all day. She didn’t acknowledge any of you when she walked in, simply sitting at her desk and glaring at her paperwork. The team had been speculating all day as to what could be bothering her. Reid spit out a bunch of fats that just confused you and when Morgan mentioned her period he got smacked by both you and Emily. Emily suggested a fight with her “secret” boyfriend and everyone agreed that was probably it.

At the mention of Will you retreated into your own head. You being in love with JJ was about as much of a secret as the fact that she was in a relationship. The only difference was you knew everyone was aware of your poorly hidden crush, everyone but JJ.

Deciding you no longer wanted to talk to the team you walked over to JJ’s desk, hoping to be able to cheer her up.

“Hey, JJ. You wanna grab lunch?” you ask tentatively, hoping not to anger her more. It seems you’ve failed as her glare turns from her desk towards you.

“And why would I want to do that?” she snaps and your eyes go wide. You stumble back a few steps as if her words have hurt you, which they obviously couldn’t. At least not physically.

“Oh I….nevermind,” you trail off, locking your gaze on the floor and rushing to your desk. You’ve never been more grateful that your’s and JJ’s desks were on opposite sides of the room. With the way they were positioned and the amount of people flowing in and out from their breaks she couldn’t see you looking like a kicked puppy. Unfortunately the rest of the team could and their looks of pity only made you feel worse. You quickly open your desk drawer, setting your laptop inside and taking a bag of cheetos out. You grab your bag and make your way out of the bullpen, setting the snack on JJ’s desk while you pass it as quietly as you can. In your effort to avoid eye contact you miss the soft smile she sends after you.

xxxxx

Her anger doesn’t last long, and she does make sure to apologize to you. You brush it off, stating that everyone has bad days and you both move on. The team finally has a break in cases and with your newfound freedom have gathered for family game night. You’re all huddled into Garcia’s small living room playing a truly vicious game of monopoly. Spencer was the banker, having been banned for using statistics to win every round, but he was enjoying watching the chaos. Garcia had little to no strategy. She bought the property that matched her “aesthetic” and nothing else. Hotch silently watched and strategically bought what others needed, selling it to them for a higher price. Rossi and Morgan bought what they thought would make them the most money. You bought a few properties, but mostly just sat back and watched while the others fought it out. Emily almost always played way too aggressively and bankrupted herself buying every property she landed on. You’re pretty sure it was just to make Reid angry though, he always got frustrated and told her how it was statistically improbable that she would win like that to which she responded, “improbable. Not impossible.”

Morgan was in the lead this week with JJ in dead last. Emily had already lost, but everyone else besides falling between the two.

“Alright little mama, you're up,” the smirk on Margans face as he hands JJ the dice makes you roll your eyes. He’s ridiculously cocky, but unfortunately it’s one of the things you love about him. JJ takes a deep breath before rolling a three and landing on Morgan’s property, subsequently bankrupting her.

“Aw no! Better luck next time!” Garcia’s words would sound condescending from anyone else, but from her they sound sincere.

“Thanks Pen,” JJ says before slouching in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest.

“If it makes you feel better, you lasted longer than me,” Emily offers and JJ’s pout deepens.

“An aardvark would last longer than you,” JJ grumbles, causing everyone to laugh before turning back to the game. You nudge JJ with your elbow slyly handing her the Cheetos you’d brought when she looks your way. Her pout instantly disappears and she’s laughing, gratefully accepting the bag with a wide smile. You smile as well, feeling accomplished having cheered her up, even if it was over something silly.

xxxxx

You noticed JJ’s been a bit down lately. Not mean, not angry, just sad. She stays to herself, and when she does engage in conversation she’s quiet and closed off. Everyone has tried to talk to her about it, but she just shrugs it off as being tired or sick, but you know it’s more.

It’s just the two of you left in the bullpen, everyone else having retreated off to their Friday evening plans, or lack thereof in Reid’s case. When you look over at her she’s staring off into space and you debate asking her what’s wrong. Your internal debate leads you not to, she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to talk. You’re going to leave her be when you remember your secret weapon.

Smiling to yourself you grab a bag of Cheetos out of your desk and make your way over to her whisper her name to draw her attention.

“Oh hey, what’s up?” She asks and you send her a soft smile.

“Nothing I just…” you trail off, setting the bag on her desk. She stares at it for a moment and you go to turn away, stopping when she grabs your arm.

“Wait. I…” she trails off, searching your eyes for the answer to a question she hasn’t even asked yet. “Why?”

“Why what?” You prod gently, genuinely confused on what she means.

“Whenever I’m upset, you’re always there with Cheetos and a smile, no matter how mean I’ve been to you. Why?” She clarifies and you shrug slightly, looking to the floor to avoid eye contact.

“Oh, uh. I figured out that they’re your favorite, and it always seems to cheer you up. I just want you to be happy,” you say and she stares again.

“Why?” You roll your eyes, amused at the one word replies.

“JJ, I’m really gonna need more words from you if you want to hold a conversation,” you tease and she smiles.

“Why do you want me to be happy?” you start to answer and she cuts you off, “and don’t say it’s because we’re friends. You and I both know you don’t do this stuff for Emily or Spence. I want to know why you’re really doing this.”

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time now,” you say simply. “The rest of the team figured it out months ago, I’m surprised you hadn’t yet.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She sounds like she’s in awe, and you're shocked by the fact that she truly didn’t seem to know.

“Well, you’re with Will. As much as I want to be with you, I’d rather you be happy. If he makes you happy, then I’ll settle for being your friend who gives you Cheetos when you’re sad,” you say, with a self deprecating laugh, “as long as you’re happy.”

“How did you know that?” She asks in shock and you laugh for real.

“JJ, you’re not as sneaky as you’d like to think. We’ve all known since a week after we got back from New Orleans, but you were happy so I didn’t say anything.”

“But what about you?” You shrug.

“What about me?”

“You seem to be only concerned about my happiness. What about yours?” JJ asks, stepping closer and taking your hand. “Y/n, Will and I broke up last week. I realized it wasn’t him I liked, just the idea of him. I’m actually….in love with someone else.”

“JJ I really want you to be happy but I don’t think I can handle the emotional whiplash I’ll get if you say someone else right now. So just tell me straight up. Do I have a chance?” You ask, heart beating a mile a minute. Whatever the answer is, your relationship is about to change forever.

“Yes dummy, you have a really good chance,” she says before pulling you into a kiss. It’s everything you imagined and so much more, but it ends quickly as JJ starts giggling.

“What? What’s so funny?” you’re unable to hold back your smile at the joy on her face. Her smile is infectious, and you could stare at it for the rest of time. The next words out of her mouth have you joining in on the laughter

“I can’t believe Cheetos brought us together.”

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @im-salt-but-not-salty @5aftermidnight @riotmaximoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

CM tag list: @reidingandwriting

#jj x reader #jj x you #jj criminal minds #jj fanfic #jj x fem!reader #jj x y/n #jj fanfiction #Jennifer jareau x reader #jennifer jareau #Jennifer jareau x female!reader #Jennifer Jareau fanfic #Jennifer jareau reader insert #Criminal Minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds reader insert #criminal minds fic #criminal minds reader #cheetos

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alexandrablake · 3 years

Text

love, jj

Prompts: 88. “I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did” from this prompt list! Pairing: Jemily, technically Word Count: 2,456 Warnings: Mentions of death. A/n: Red (@hurricanejjareau) picked this prompt. thank you, ily. that is all.

April 29, 2011 Emily,

Hey. It’s me. I’m sure you can tell by my handwriting. I’ve had you look over enough of my reports that I’d honestly be kind of disappointed if you didn’t. And before you say anything, yes, I know we play Scrabble, but that doesn’t count. I need to talk to you. God, Emily, I just need to talk to you. To see that you are alive, that you are well, and, honestly, to see that you are real.

These past few weeks without you have been awful. Everything is different. I’m spending more and more time around the office. The way we all skirt around your name like you never even existed is just painful. For a while there, I almost started to believe you weren’t real. And that’s a big fear of mine- to wake up one morning not worrying about you, because I know that’s all you have right now. You have Hotch and I thinking about you, and that’s it.

Depressing. And nothing I need to tell you, but it’s not like you’ll read these anyways. It’s nearing two months since you “died.” I don’t think Rossi has processed it yet. Penelope is a shell of her former self coping. Even Ashley seems distraught. Spence has dealt with far too much trauma, and yet, I’ve never seen him like this. He’s been at my house everyday this week, crying and then sleeping on the couch. It’s heart wrenching, and it takes everything in me to not tell him you’re okay. That you’re alive. But I can’t, not with Doyle still out there, always being a danger to you.

But, my God, is Morgan the worst to be around right now. Second to only Penelope Garcia, you were Derek’s favorite person in the team. No point hiding it, you’re all profilers and I spend way too much time around you guys.. He’s gutted. Honestly, I think he’s the one person here who has really “accepted” that you’re gone. Even Hotch is off. But not Morgan. And that’s the horrifying part. He’s the exact same person that he was before you left, but now his smiles are a little too wide and his gestures are a little too exaggerated. It’s terrifying to be around.

I guess that leaves me. I’m doing okay. Miss you everyday, but I feel bad every time I do because I know the truth. I know where you are (kind of) and I know that you are alive. They buried you. They know where you are, too, but for them, that’s six feet under.

Love, JJ

March 1st, 2011 Emily,

Me again. Today was better, I think. I know we like to say that the serial killers never take a vacation, but they seem to be on one right now. It’s just a bunch of consulting on relatively low level cases. Thank God, because I don’t think any of them could handle a case right now. Reid didn’t sleep at my house last night, which is improvement, I think. He definitely didn’t sleep, but I’ll take what I can get. Derek is almost worse.

It’s lonely here without you. Penelope isn’t herself, and I find her sitting at your desk all the time. She’s stopped staring at your photo constantly and now avoids the hallway with all the memorials so she doesn’t have to walk by you. She’s in her office even more than she normally would be. There’s boxes of cupcakes being brought in all the time. She’s an absolute and utter wreck.

You remember that feeling we all felt when Haley was killed? When we all stood around her casket and watched with teary eyes as Hotch and Jack said their final goodbyes? The feeling that nothing would be okay again? Yeah. That’s about what’s happening now, but now it’s not just Hotch feeling like his life is over. It’s all of us.

And God, you must be so lonely.

Love, JJ

April 10th, 2011 Emily,

Today was an all-time low. Everywhere I looked, there you were. Oh, there you were grabbing coffee after an all-nighter spent at my house. Oh, there you are, legs dangling over the side of the chair you’re lounging in because you don’t know how to sit properly. Oh, there you are, smiling at Hotch as you talk animatedly in his office about God knows what. Oh, there you are, downing shots with Rossi.

Your ghost was everywhere over this office, over my life. You were this office, you were everything. I can’t go anywhere to escape you. How can you have a ghost when you aren’t even dead?

April 11th, 2011 Emily,

Another crying Spencer night. They’re off on their second case, a spree killing in Tampa. I don’t know. At this point, I’m kind of lost. I’m spending far too much time at that office even though I don’t work there because it’s one of my last connections to you. I just… miss you, I guess. No, I know I miss you.

I just can’t stop feeling guilty. I’m causing all this pain in the team and in all your loved ones. I was the one who told Hotch you survived, I was the one who suggested you “die.” This is all my fault.

Hotch told me he was doing assessments of the team. That shouldn’t be happening. You should be there. I’m not going to ask for the results, and I don’t think I would be allowed to if I asked. I just don’t want to face the reality of what I’ve done.

Love, JJ

May 15th, 2011 Emily,

Hey, it’s been a while. Not much has changed. I haven’t been to the BAU since my last letter. I can’t face them anymore. I can’t sit within those walls that seep of you. I can’t face you.

God damnit, Prentiss! Why did you go after Doyle? You knew we could have helped! This could have all been avoided if you would have trusted us!

May 15th, 2011 Emily,

I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I just miss you. A lot.

May 22nd, 2011 Emily,

With you being gone, I’m starting to realize how much I depended on you. You were my person. If I had a problem, I came to you. If I wanted to get drunk, I came to you. If I wanted to get a break from the overwhelmingness of the testerone of our workplaces, I came to you. If I just wanted to escape, I came to you.

I’m still avoiding the BAU as best as I can. Even Hotch and I haven’t been talking. Spence is still coming to my house, though. Still crying. He misses you so much, Prentiss. We all do.

When Elle left, I didn’t think any of us would recover. She hadn’t been there for the longest time, but she was an integral part of the team. But we recovered. Then, when Gideon left, some of us were fine, but Reid? I genuinely thought he would never be the same. And I guess he isn’t, but he still recovered. And now you left. So if the pattern continues, we’ll recover.

But I don’t think I will. Because every waking minute of every day (and even some of the sleeping ones), the thought that we will never catch Doyle haunts me. The thought that I will never see your beautiful face again. The thought that I will never actually get to talk to you again.

They don’t have those thoughts. To them, you are dead, under the ground, declared dead on the table. To them, there’s no chance they’ll ever see you again. So, for them, if we don’t catch Doyle, yes they’ll be irrationally angry because the son of a bitch who killed you is still out there, but catching him never had any more reward than revenge and putting another bad guy in prison where he belongs. They won’t realize that not catching him means they’ll never see you again because they don’t even know that’s an option.

I love you, JJ

June 1st, 2011 Emily,

The worst part of all this is that I know you’re out there, lonely. I would say afraid, but I know you. Emily Prentiss doesn’t get scared, I know. But you’re alone, in a place that isn’t here. All I want to do is help you. And I can’t because if I do, there’s the possibility that I’ll make everything worse.

So, I’m trying to focus on positives: happy memories and good things to happen. Like, the other day, I walked through a market and, when I passed a flower stall, all I smelled was that expensive perfume you used to wear. The stuff you stopped using because it made Reid sneeze? The stuff you still use when we would go out on the town? Smelling it made me want to go out and buy a drink and dance the night away.

And when I was shopping for new shoes for Henry, I saw a pair of boots that I knew you would buy the instant you saw them. They were lace-up, black with a bit of heel (I know your never-ending goal is to get taller), and there was a slight rose decal on the top. I could hear you shouting, “These are men squashing boots!” because you’re never embarrassed in public. I could see the smile you give me, a flash of blinding white teeth. And I knew the smile I would shoot back because happy Emily is my favorite Emily.

I love you, JJ

June 18th, 2011 Emily,

You missed Morgan’s birthday. 38! It was a pretty somber occasion because we all knew that something was missing. And it was the day before your 3 month anniversary of being dead. Garcia tried as best as she could to fill the gap, decorating the bar that Rossi rented out very extravagantly. Material items could never make up the lack of you. We all just ended up getting drunk.

I think it’s really starting to hit Hotch. When I take Henry to hang out with Jack, Aaron’s quiet. Granted, he’s always quiet. (Not around you, though. You always bring out the best in people) This is a different quiet, though. He’s almost silent. I think he’s beating himself up. You know Hotch, anniversaries hit him hard. I think he hoped you would be home now, Doyle staying in the maximum security he belongs in.

But the rest of them are moving on. Spencer isn’t having the breakdowns he used to have. Penelope and I can go out for coffee without there being this heavy weight sitting on us. Ashley even joined us once, and it didn’t feel like she was replacing anyone. Rossi is smiling much more. Morgan is still acting a little fake, and he pulls sleepless nights every now and then, obsessing over the case. But he’s better. He can focus on cases, and Penelope tells me that they can go hang out without him being too absent-minded.

Hotch is the one I’m really worried about. We both remember the aftermath of Haley’s death. The grieving, the silence, the sleepless nights, the constant fidgeting so he could keep his mind of it. That’s what’s happening now. He’s just as worried about you as I am. We both know the possibility of never seeing you again.

That leaves me. Three months later and I wouldn’t say I’m much better than I used to be. I still have trouble hanging around them. I still find myself grabbing my phone to text you something before remembering that I would never get an answer. I still find myself longing for you, for your smile, for your touch.

I love you, JJ

July 17th, 2011 Emily,

I think this will be my last letter. I’ve come to a few realizations, and, even though I still desperately need to talk to you, writing these are one of them.

One: This isn’t healthy for me- nothing about this is. 5 stages of grief. We both know them, they have to do with the unsubs all the time. These letters are classified as denial. And I need to get through all five. Yes, you aren’t dead, but you may as well be. I can’t see you, I can’t talk to you, I can’t know where you are. There’s a death certificate. You were “buried.” And I need to get to acceptance. I need to accept that I may never see you again. I can’t just exist in this state of limbo forever.

Two: You are okay, and you can care for yourself. I guess this goes under the first one, but I don’t really care. You don’t get as close as we did are and not have an ever present worry of “what if she’s not okay? What if I’m not there to protect her? What if she needs my help?” But that’s where the denial thing comes in. I think that I’ve been doing that to myself because it keeps you near to me. It keeps you alive. Because if I can worry about you, there is still a you to worry about. Therein lies the issue. There is no you to worry over. To the world, you are dead. And I need to accept that. Because the you that does exist is perfectly capable and doesn’t need my help.

Three: Not having you here is the worst part of this all. Technically, you were gone before you left because I left, but we still talked and hung out. We still went to bars on alternating Saturdays. But we can’t have any of that anymore. And I think that’s what made me realize the last thing.

I am completely, utterly in love with you. And that’s terrifying. Unrequited love stories are the worst to read, but here I am, writing one. I loved how hot you looked when you tied your hair up. I love the way you carried yourself. I love the way you smiled at me when Reid went on one of his tangents. I love the way you looked at me when I delivered the profile. I love our hushed talks on the plane when everyone else is asleep, talking about everything and nothing.

The worst part? You are the missing piece in this puzzle. You, Emily, were the one thing I never took into account when planning my life out. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, I just did. Yet, here we are- me, writing crappy letters admitting my feelings, and you, halfway across the world, completely unaware of the havoc you’ve wreaked on me.

I love you, JJ

#if this is the second time you saw this #no it isn't #jemily #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #jj x emily #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #eva's 25 days of christmas #advent calendar of fics (ACoF)#eva writes occasionally

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airesgay · 3 years

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from horror films to sugar highs

relationship: jennifer jareau/emily prentiss

words: 3,723

summary: a brief history of Emily Prentiss's intimate relationship with Halloween.

Read on ao3

Halloween was a holiday you’d immediately associate with Emily Prentiss just looking at her - even more so if you’d been lucky enough to see her high school days. Of course the Goth had to be obsessed with Halloween, right? The aesthetic was all there (plus it was her favourite season, not too cold, but cold enough that black turtlenecks were suitable attire).

Except she hadn’t had the kind of parents to take their kid trick or treating – hell, she never had a suburban neighbourhood to facilitate anything of the kind.

Some might have thought she’d partaken in the odd Halloween shenanigan at college, but she was too focused on her studies to degrade herself in such activities. She did have a love for horror films, maybe because her ability to handle them better than her peers gave her a bit of a god complex – she was big enough to admit that. In all honesty, she liked Halloween because it meant her roommate was out for the night, almost guaranteed not to return until morning, and she got a quiet night to herself, to watch whatever scary films she fancied. Depending on how she was feeling she’d invite one of her (two) friends over and she’d laugh at how they cowered behind a pillow.

Halloween and Emily had a somewhat intimate relationship - a low-key affair -but it was certainly her favourite holiday: one where watching scary films by yourself was an acceptable way to celebrate, especially as an adult. It wasn’t wrapped up with the mandatory family time that Christmas or thanksgiving were, didn’t ask for fake displays of love and good will. Her mother had certainly never asked her to attend a Halloween dinner with her fellow diplomats, that required she wear a ghastly dress and make small talk with the latest prick deemed a fine young man. People said Halloween was about dressing up as someone you weren’t; for Emily it let her be who she was. Just Emily.

The past decade had gifted her many new memories. In a lot of ways it had healed old wounds; the scars would always be there, but she felt like she’d been given a second chance. To experience things in life the way normal people did.

On her first Halloween with the team she made her feeling towards all the more commercial festivities known. It took a few years, and some breaking down of walls, before she let herself be fully dragged into their shenanigans. And so she’d found herself dressed up in an itchy orange turtleneck far more block-like than she was used to, similarly blocky glasses, and an itchy brown wig that she kept trying to remove. It was all very itchy and blocky.

‘Hey, you’ll ruin the illusion!’ JJ had protested, swatting her hand away from the wig.

Emily pouted in a way that some would think exaggerated, but JJ knew her disdain was completely genuine. She laughed at the older woman as she leaned down close to her face, eyeliner poised.

‘Okay, now hold still,’ she instructed.

Emily felt her lips twitch at the feeling of hot breath on her face, pout faltering. She straightened up as JJ applied freckles to her cheeks. The blonde finished her work, but lingered just a moment, catching Emily’s eye, who’d stopped breathing a minute ago. Or rather, she wasn’t blonde at all - not right now anyway. She was currently wearing a ginger wig that looked even itchier than Emily’s, but she wore it like it was her own. In fact she wore the whole outfit like it was every-day wear. Naturally JJ would suit even a hideous wig and the most ghastly colour of purple.

She’d grown closer to the media liaison in the past year, but she still found herself watching her for too long, cursing herself for fear of making her uncomfortable. She knew nothing was ever going to happen, she just didn’t want to ruin the friendship they’d been steadily building. She wasn’t in any position to throw those away.

‘I think you should keep these,’ JJ said, breaking Emily out of her thoughts.

When she didn’t respond, JJ applied one last freckle, making Emily scoff and bat her hand away. JJ let out a hearty laugh, which only made Emily’s heart clench more. She was saved by Spencer coming bundling into the room, in a baggy green t-shirt and his natural hair sticking out in every direction. Emily didn’t think he’d needed to go quite so hard on the hair gel.

‘Oh you guys look great!’ he exclaimed, beaming brightly.

JJ gave her thanks and gestured back to Emily. ‘She’s just so cute don’t you think?’

Emily rolled her eyes, trying to hide her blush. She knew she was teasing her, but the comment still made her feel weak and she hated herself for it.

‘Okay, let’s get this show on the road,’ she declared as she tried to muster enthusiasm. ‘Garcia got her head out of Morgan’s ass yet?’

Spencer choked. ‘Well, if you mean Penelope’s fixed the back end of their costume, then I think so.’

Emily and JJ shared an amused look, shaking their heads. Of course if they were going as the Scooby gang, Penelope and Derek were doing a couples costume; the tech goddess insisting on being the front part of the beloved great dane, while Derek was left being the ass, as she put it. He didn’t complain. Hey if you’ve got it flaunt it, babygirl. Those exchanges lasted for another two minutes before any real planning took place.

Their unit chief had resigned himself to wearing a white shirt with blue collar and blonde wig, which everyone else enjoyed immensely. His excuse of taking Jack out had been quickly ripped to shreds. Nice try, Halloween isn’t until tomorrow! Penelope had fired back with glee. The oldest of their team had announced he was taking off for the weekend for a solitary fishing trip. In October? Penelope had questioned, eyes narrowed in a way that was frightening. Rossi hadn’t responded and with that he was gone, not to be seen until Monday morning.

‘Well, we better get going,’ JJ sighed, and offered Emily a hand up off the stool she’d been sat on. ‘Don’t want to give HR anything more to talk about.’

‘Oh no I’m not going to another one of those seminars.’

Emily shuddered at the thought as she took the other woman’s hand. She forced down the butterflies in her stomach.

* * *

A decade later and Emily truly felt like a kid again. Or rather, the kid she’d never got to be, like this was her first ever Halloween. Of course it wasn’t. But this was Emily’s first Halloween with the boys. Tonight felt like the start of a new tradition, something special.

Her costume choice of the night was, of course, Morticia Addams. The boys had followed suit, which was why Henry was currently decked out in a striped shirt, dyed black hair slicked back, while his little brother stood beside him with the detached end of a mop over his head, sunglasses over that. He’d desperately wanted to let his hair grow for a year in preparation but this idea had been firmly stamped out by an exasperated JJ.

She was a good mother, she let her kids express themselves however they wanted; Henry himself had worn his hair past his shoulders for many years, claiming he looked like Thor, god of thunder. However Michael’s wish was less of an expression of personal style and more a desire to look like a literal mop for Halloween. She’d caught him rolling around the floor before it’d been cleaned to achieve this effect. For hygiene and fear of head injuries, she asked him to please wait until Halloween and I will make you a costume. She was at the end of her rope when Emily then suggested he inhale helium to replicate the voice.

The whole ensemble costume had been JJ’s idea - admittedly after watching the film together the year before and not being able to think of anything other than Emily in that particular get up. It had actually worked out pretty well. The boys said it was perfect, because that’s what they were - a family. JJ definitely didn’t have to give Emily a hug when her eyes started to well with tears.

Everything was perfect. The house covered in cobwebs and skeletons and spiders, the pumpkins they’d carved together sitting out on the porch. Henry was proving to be quite the artist, and JJ had to stop herself from getting too carried away with ideas for his future. They’d made their way through all their favourite Halloween films the week before. Everything was perfect, except they were missing one family member.

JJ had been held up on a case - one of the few that had recently taken them out of state. They tried not to make that a habit these days. They were older, and as the boys so proudly declared, a family. It wasn’t that they felt the obligation to be stay at home mums now they’d reached a certain age; in fact they were anything but, still working full time at the office, and on cases in state. But they both came to a point where they didn’t want to step on that jet what felt like every single week, not knowing how long it would be until they returned.

After so many years of reading Henry bedtime stories over the phone, JJ wanted to read to Michael in person, and with Emily by her side. The mere fact that this was the first Halloween they got to spend together, when her and JJ had been dating for years now, living together for the past three and their one year wedding anniversary coming up – well it was a sign that something needed to change. Emily asked her wife if she had regrets about how she’d lived her life up until now. JJ just smiled and brought a hand up to her cheek. No, she replied, assuring her partner, I just know how I want the rest of my days to go.

And so, after over a decade of no resemblance of a real sleep schedule, they were semi-retired (which in their line of work just meant specialised desk jobs). Honestly, it was the right time; they couldn’t keep running around after psychopaths the rest of their days. Their bodies thanked them for it. Although Emily still insisted on giving JJ massages every other night. Something JJ thanked her for in kind. They’d fallen happily into their new routine, them and Garcia having their own little team on the ground.

But JJ was still as committed to the job as ever - specifically committed to the families. Which was why she wasn’t at home right now getting ready for their first real Halloween as a family.

The case they’d been working had been a hard one. Of course they were all hard, but this one hit JJ personally. She didn’t talk about her sister much, but of course Emily knew; she was one of the few people she felt comfortable talking about her with - talking about her in a way that almost didn’t hurt. So of course Emily knew as soon as she opened the case file, that JJ wouldn’t be coming home on time at the end of this case. And that was the way it was always going to go.

She’d stayed behind an extra day to sort things out with the family. It might have seemed overstepping but she’d grown a bond with them over the past week, and she would never have left when she felt someone still needed her help. She was due to be back tomorrow morning, the first flight she could get back. She was absolutely torn up about missing it. But Emily told her, as she had once before, you’re too good. It was something of a tension breaker to make JJ smile at the memory. But Emily also knew it was what JJ needed. It was moments like these that helped her.

Emily was fixing the mop atop Michael’s very bouncy head when the doorbell rang. Giving up – it would either stay on his head or it wouldn’t – she made her way to the door. And there was Penelope, holding an ever-disgruntled Sergio, who was just thankful he was not required to wear a costume. Penelope on the other hand was decked out in full witches gear.

Emily couldn’t help the laugh that came out, more like a cackle.

‘I thought you were meant to be Sabrina? Not looking very modern day teen witch there PG.’

She continued to laugh at Penelope’s trademark scowl.

‘Well that’s no fun is it!’ she shot back. ‘Besides she dressed up as a classic witch for a Halloween episode so ha! And I have this!’ She swivelled around to show off her glitter-covered vacuum cleaner. ‘Sergio is just lucky I left him be, isn’t that right Salem?’

Sergio looked up at his owner of the past nine years and Emily could have sworn she saw an eye roll. If only he could really talk, she was sure he’d have a few choice words. But she knew he loved her, so much that he made it clear who he wanted to stay with when Emily had returned from her faking her own death holiday. She didn’t take offence; who could say no to Penelope Garcia?

‘Where are my precious godsons?’ Penelope all but sang, standing up on her tiptoes to see into the kitchen.

‘We’re not precious!’

‘Oh no you are very scary!’ Penelope fake screamed and recoiled in horror as the two boys attacked her in a hug.

Penelope gave them both kisses on the cheek before looking back up to Emily. ‘Our girl not back yet huh?’

Emily sighed. ‘Pen you know she’s not flying in until tomorrow morning.’

‘Yeah’ Penelope pouted, but didn’t let herself be sad for more than a second. She immediately straightened up and placed her hands on her hips resolutely. ‘Well we’ll just have to get enough candy for your mum too won’t we? What do we save for her?’

She smiled down at the boys as they screamed their answer: ‘Cheetos!’ They then went tumbling out the door with Penelope looking after them in adoration.

Emily might have one day hoped to be in her shoes, with godsons to spoil, but never in the ones she found herself in today, with the two boys calling out into the night ‘hurry up mum we have a lot of ground to cover!’ Penelope looked back at her friend of over a decade knowingly, letting her have a moment to collect herself before she hurried after the two. Emily felt the ache in her chest at her wife’s absence subside a little watching their best friend stumble after the boys in an even higher pair of heels than usual. She considered taking a video to send to Luke but knew the wrath of Garcia was not worth it.

They made it round half their houses for the night before reaching Derek and Savannah’s. Hank answered the door in a full Black Panther outfit. Emily could have sworn he’d doubled in size since seeing him last. Though she supposed Derek would say the same of her boys. It was only because she saw them everyday.

They had settled in for evening drinks after finishing the circuit with Hank when the doorbell rang. Emily frowned. Bit too late now isn’t it? Their own boys had passed out on the couch after their sugar high. Derek and Penelope shared a knowing look. Emily eyed them suspiciously.

‘Hey Em could you get that one for me?’

Emily raised an eyebrow at him as if to say ‘get it your damn self Action Man’ (which was literally his costume choice of the night).

When he just kept smiling at her she huffed, careful not to wake the boys, and refrained from stomping towards the door. ‘His own damn house’ she grumbled as she reached the door and plastered on a fake smile she’d run out of energy for an hour ago. But she didn’t need a fake smile. No, the beaming smile she found herself wearing as she flung the door open was very much real.

‘Jen,’ she breathed, feeling somewhat winded.

‘Trick or treat?’

Standing in the doorway was her wife, wearing a full pinstripe suit and eyeliner moustache, her long blonde locks tucked underneath a fedora.

Emily felt her mouth go dry and JJ smirked, swiftly pulling her in for a kiss.

Emily broke away, catching her breath. ‘I didn’t think -’

‘Would you believe the jet suddenly became available?’

‘Really?’

‘Flew it here myself.’

Emily shook her head with a laugh and wrapped her up into a hug.

JJ nuzzled into her neck. ‘If I’d seen you in this I would have been home hours ago,’ she whispered into her ear, making Emily lose her footing.

‘Likewise,’ she returned, before pulling back and playfully stealing her wife’s hat to sit upon her own head. As she did, blonde hair was set free, somewhat breaking the illusion.

JJ cringed. ‘Didn’t really have time to do my hair as well.’

‘Not a problem,’ Emily replied as she took in the sight of her wife. JJ did the same.

‘How come everything suits you?’ JJ shook her head, just a hint of annoyance.

Emily winked and threw a glance behind them. Derek and Penelope quickly turned away, pretending to not have been listening in to the entire exchange. Emily rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

‘Ready for the chaos?’ she asked.

JJ took a deep breath, steeling herself, but couldn’t help the look of sheer affection that won out. ‘Absolutely.’

‘Boys!’ Emily yelled at full volume, making Penelope all but fall off the couch, Sergio clinging to her tights. ‘You’ve got a request for your dance! Word must have really gotten out!’

Spencer had wanted them to do the periodic table song as their bit. After tripping over the first two elements it was swiftly scrapped, being replaced by the classic Adams family song. Henry and Michael had made up their own dance routine to go along with it, which Emily and JJ had been taught, and made to practice for the better part of two weeks. This was after they said no to their idea of a display similar to the one in the film, which included buckets of fake blood and decapitated fake limbs, as well as the dance with swords. Well, maybe one of them had said no.

The four of them made their way round the last few houses that still had their lights on, reveling in the feeling of finally being together. Emily and JJ walked either side of Michael, swinging him by the arms while Henry ran ahead. They knew how important it was to cherish this time; he would be a teenager before they knew it. They both shared a knowing look when Henry turned around to shout his pick for the film they’d watch when they got back. Michael protested, shouting his own pick, and they thanked the universe for assuring them in that moment that not yet.

They were cuddled up together on the couch, boys carried to bed an hour ago after crashing from their second sugar high. Thank god, JJ had whispered over the top of her youngest son’s head, and through a mouthful of Cheetos.

They’d put on the latest horror film of the year, which they always saved for this night. JJ knew the genre was something of a comfort for Emily. She knew by now the reason stemmed deeper than the one Emily had first given her: who doesn’t want a hot blonde cuddled into her shoulder for protection? Not long into their relationship, after countless nights of talking and letting each other in, she’d gotten the real reason out of her: that it represented a time that belonged to her, where she wasn’t having to please other people, and wasn’t forced to put on a mask, so to speak. Still, JJ couldn’t resist the charming eye waggle her wife gave her every year.

JJ’s favourite Halloween film was Practical Magic. The first time they’d watched it together Emily had spent the majority of the film stating how Sally was clearly gay and how horrifyingly heteronormative it all was. JJ was a smart, bisexual woman and she didn’t disagree with the critique. And yet Emily couldn’t complain whenever JJ asked if they could watch it; she would never question JJ’s love of a film about sisters. If she was honest she was glad JJ felt comfortable enough to watch something of the sort with her. The next morning when Emily made cactus shaped pancakes, JJ wondered how it was possible to fall even more in love with her. And how thankful she was that someone as impossible as Emily Prentiss did in fact exist.

‘So,’ Emily let out a breath, twirling long strands of her wife’s hair around her finger, ‘This the best outfit I’ve ever worn?’

JJ leaned her head back to meet her eyes, and narrowed her own as if in deep thought.

‘Hmmm, I don’t know, Velma really had it going on.’

Emily gasped and shoved her playfully, which reminding her of the first Halloween they’d spent together - except there was no need for her to hold anything back now. Not here, on their couch, in their home, with their boys upstairs, sleeping off a sugar high soundly.

‘Huh.’ Emily was now the one looking quizzical. She looked down at her dress. ‘Well maybe I should just take it off?’

She arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and JJ didn’t waste a second before leaping on top of her. ‘You should definitely take those nails off,’ the words were muffled into Emily’s neck, and earned a hearty laugh. After a deep kiss JJ pulled back to watch brown eyes flutter open slowly.

‘You bewitch me Emily Prentiss.’ she proclaimed, words that weren’t her own, but every bit true.

It was that night that Emily thought maybe Halloween was a family holiday after all.

#jemily #criminal minds #Jennifer Jareau #emily prentiss #so the pandemic has finally forced me into this #anyway please your comments are very welcome!#mine

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fics-not-tragedies · 4 years

Text

In a Week: Chapter 19 🌲

This chapters is sponsored by temptation and lustful thoughts, so please enjoy it!

Words: 2377; Warnings: first, but minor, smut warning for this chapter; Summary: Andrew was well deserved to be pushed into the pool by Flo and now she runs around his mind making endless loops.

Hozier tag list:

@letoursilencebreaktonight; @angelpeachamber; @sgt-morgan; @julessbrown;

Tuesday, 6pm

Andrew was frustrated. He couldn’t find anything witty to say as she walked away from him. He watched her leave speechlessly before he dared to move, wanted her to have that satisfaction of the win, knew she deserved it. As he hauled himself out of the water, he could have sworn the ten year old kid laughing at him had snapped a picture, but he didn’t have time to pay attention, needed to take a cold shower immediately.

To his annoyance, the spray of the shower in his cubicle was intermittently too hot then too cold, doing nothing to calm him down. Andrew desperately tried to blink out all of his obscene thoughts prompted by the way she wiggled her ass at him. She was a fucking tease, especially when she knew how badly he wanted her, but he couldn’t deny for a second that he loved it. He ran his hands back through his hair and washed the pool scent from his body with his hands.

Even just touching his own chest felt too dirty, especially when he couldn’t think about anything but Flo’s body in that too tight swimsuit. And he couldn’t help but imagine her with him now, the idea of fucking her against the wall too good to repress. He wouldn’t even bother undressing her, would simply move the material out of his way and skip the teasing she was asking for, too hungry, too desperate, too close to giving her everything. Andrew almost choked on his staggered breath, too aware of how aroused he was when he looked down at the sudden movement in his shorts, thankful he was alone.

Andrew double and triple checked the door behind him, ensuring nobody could get in. He paced for a second or two in the limited space of the shower cubicle, the pent up energy refusing to fade and as his breathing increased, his arousal grew. He couldn’t get her out of his head, her twisted smirk, her tits threatening to spill over the flimsy material whenever she made the slightest of movements, the confidence he helped her finding too much to handle. He blinked a couple of his times, trying to reason with himself.

But as aware as he was that she was waiting for him, he was certain he wouldn’t be able to think straight until he dealt with his need. So, without a second of reconsideration, he began to palm himself through his shorts eagerly with one hand. With the other hand he fumbled with the knot in the front of them, frustrated by his past self for being so meticulous about how he tied it and hissed with relief when they dropped to his ankles and he freed his cock at last. He stroked his semi-hard length gently, worried that any harsher movements would make him moan in a way that he couldn’t control, but he was already shaking.

He turned his mind back to Flo and how desperately he wanted her. He thought about how good it’d feel to push his length inside her, hold her hips down so she could take him, feel her heat envelope him and keep him close, squeezing him tightly with her wetness dripping down the thighs he adored so much. He hated how hard she made him without even being here, how easy it was for her to have him reeling over the mere thought of her when she wasn’t even trying and began running his hand over his cock with more force, the sensation too good to deny himself of.

The rhythmic flicks of his wrist satisfied him greatly and whilst there was relief in touching himself, fucking his palm in the way that he was doing so now, his body was also tense, shaking with how bad he needed her. As the spray from the shower fell down over his body, he looked down at himself, the purplish head of his cock disappearing into his tight fist over and over again, hips jerking with little control. His arm already ached from how much he was straining it, the muscles tight and bulging. Hair was falling into his face, wet and he didn’t have the energy or strength to push it back. He furrowed his brow, getting lost in the sudden heat after the water had been so cold for so long and bit the inside of his cheek, desperately trying to hold himself together when all he wanted was to come undone at the thought of her.

His head fell against the wall of the shower loudly, eyes closing so that he could picture her and only her as he hovered closer to the feeling of letting go, obsessed. He tried to imagine Flo’s hand tugging at him instead of his own. He thought about her long delicate fingers and her imperfectly painted nails, the way she wrapped her hand around his bicep, his knee, touched his chest, locked her fingers with his. Andrew had always been aware of the fact that he wanted her, but his need to be inside her was carnal now. He wanted to make her tremble and writhe underneath him, find out what her moans sounded like when they echoed off the walls of the tight space he was in, be the one and only reason for them.

Knowing he was close now, his spare hand stroked and tugged at his balls to elicit that throbbing he craved and he shifted his hips up into his palm, back against the tiled wall, squeezing himself and fucking his fist until he was panting. Then, with a sudden low growl he couldn’t keep repressed and a slight tremble from his lips that formed her name, he watched himself shake, his thick cum oozing from the tip of his cock. Thankful the noise of his grunting was covered somewhat by the rushing of water, he stroked himself until he felt empty, spreading it over his shaft as he came down from the high, the mess dripping over his hand and through his fingers.

His cheeks flushing at the sticky mess he made for her without her even knowing, he closed his eyes again and panted whilst he tried to control himself. He washed himself down, standing under the shower head for longer than necessary. He hoped that relieving himself would at least exorcise her from his mind, but she was still there and every time he tried to think of something new, she wriggled her way back. Turning the shower off at last, he stepped out and patted himself down with the towel, still out of breath. As he dressed he chuckled to himself, remembering the way he annoyed her, worth it for her satisfied smirk when she pushed him in the pool and though he hadn’t expected her reaction at all, looking back now it didn’t surprise him. Making sure there was no concrete evidence of what he’d done in his moment of weakness, he exited the cubicle.

Tuesday, 6:15pm

After washing his hands at the sink in the far corner, Andrew rubbed his face and stared himself down in the mirror. His lips were swollen from how shallow his breathing was and he swallowed dryly as he fought to hold onto any shred of control knowing he’d given so much of it to her just by fucking his fist to the mirage of her. The shower had helped a little but his eyes were still red and stingy from the chlorine and from how much he ached for her. Knowing there was no way to fix his appearance now, his upper chest a little pink, hair a mess no matter what he tried, he exited the changing rooms with a dire need to see her face again, silently hoping he could hold himself together.

Tuesday, 6:20pm

Flo was waiting with her arms crossed, lean against the pillar in the middle of the reception with her head slightly dipped. She washed, dressed and combed her hair through in minutes and had been waiting for him patiently. And even though he’d been gone longer than she’d expected she told herself he was just probably fighting with his hair. She looked up when she sensed his presence in the room at last, her eyes adjusting as he walked toward her. His hair was still damp and more of a mess than she’d ever seen it, though she could tell he tried at least to comb it through with his fingers. His skin a little pink and sweaty and though she wanted to question it, she decided it would give him the satisfaction of knowing she was staring. He had managed to squeeze back into his jeans and his jacket was hanging over his shoulder.

“Took your time…” she tutted as he stopped in front of her, but she was smiling at him nonetheless, eyes bright and general posture much more calm than his. She was wearing the same dress she chosen that morning, showing plenty of skin, reminding Andrew just how quickly he could be inside her just by pushing up her skirt. Clearly he wasn’t over the dirty thoughts just yet. She tied her straw hair back into a bun and it killed him - how effortlessly cute she was without her makeup, with her hair out of her face.

“Yes, sorry…” he grumbled, scratching his throat uneasily, “I got… em, a bit lost…” He was paranoid that something gave him away but could tell she hadn’t caught on from the way she was smiling, so carefree.

“Why are you pouting at me?” She asked, eyebrows raised at him as she waited for an answer. Her eyes drifted over his neck and he almost flinched.

“Me? Pouting? I don’t think so…”

“You are always pouting at me and giving me puppy eyes, Andrew.”

“Oh, no no, I’m not” he stated, lips curled. Flo laughed in response, could sense a little tension in his body that she wanted to soothe, “What are we doing now?” he asked grumpily, trying to change the subject.

“I’m hungry” she told him firmly, grabbing his forearm arm in a way that was enough to make Andrew lose his mind at the way her fingers wound around him, “We’re gonna eat.”

Tuesday, 6:30pm

No more than ten minutes later they were sat in the restaurant, at a table with white table cloths, Andrew pulling out Flo’s chair before the waiter could offer. Though he didn’t regret his actions in the shower one bit, it hadn’t satisfied his cravings in the way he’d expected and he also felt strangely guilty for leaving her waiting whilst he took the edge off his desire, so was subconsciously trying to make up for it now.

“Such a gentleman” she laughed, as he pushed it back in.

“You know me” he replied, the irony of his words striking him.

He walked slowly round to his side of the table. Andrew sat down in his chair in a sort of slump, spreading his legs a little wider than usual to make up for the way he was aching. With his cock trapped behind his boxers and his jeans, he didn’t dare to look at her for a moment longer than necessary, worried what she’d do to him just with her wicked smile and her tits pushed up against the fabric of her dress like they were. Settled for at least a moment, he graciously tipped his head as the waiter handed them their menus and gave them a lengthy explanation about the specials and the soup of the day.

Though Flo was in fact hungry, she couldn’t focus on the waiter fully. She was preoccupied by Andrew, watched him wriggle in his seat uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye as she nodded along to the mention of tomato and basil soup. If his fidgeting wasn’t enough, he stretched his arm like it ached, wincing a little dramatically. Then he squeezed his hand into a tight fist and released it again, repeating the movement over and over in an attempt to ease something she didn’t quite understand. He was fine before. After giving Andy a look just as concerned as hers was, the waiter left them to make their decisions.

Andrew was struggling, in more ways than one. The ache from how he was so tense in the shower was worse than he’d realized possible, but the way she lean forward over to speak to him was even harder to ignore.

“Andrew, what’s wrong?”

He looked across at her tentatively, the way her lips parted when she said his name so delectable and he couldn’t stop replaying it in his head. She wasn’t even meaning to push him over the edge, but he was going to fucking lose it. He could feel a twitch from his crotch, a sign of his undeniable arousal for her and he formed a fist then flattened his palm to readjust himself, hoping she wouldn’t notice, hoping nobody else would notice. He swallowed sharply at the realization he was semi-hard in his pants again, struggling to think properly with her looking so deliciously innocent. He wanted to ruin her, wanted her to moan his name over and over whilst he gave her everything he’d been dreaming of. Partly as a distraction, he stretched his arm again, annoyed with the pain that had built there.

“You alright?” Flo asked, a hint of genuine concern in her voice.

“I got a cramp…” he sighed, frustrated with himself.

“In one arm?” Her eyebrows raised again when he lifted his gaze to her at last.

“Yes…”

“Been lonely in your hotel room, Andy?” She teased mercilessly after a beat, too close to the truth, but so unaware of it.

“If you only knew, Flo, honey…” he said, swallowing hard before quickly changing the subject back to the food, “What are you ordering?”

“I’m not sure…” she mumbled, hesitantly turning back to her menu and scanning it with her eyes. She looked up at him again briefly, his wriggling and stretching unnerving, wasn’t convinced he was okay, could tell he was lying at least a little bit, or covering something up, but didn’t want to push him.

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spine-buster · 4 years

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Alone Together | Epilogue 4: The Sweetest Eyes I’ve Ever Seen | Morgan Rielly

January 13th, 2028

Bee heard the doorbell ring as she finished loading Andy’s bowl in the dishwasher. After a nice and calm breakfast of Dino Eggs oatmeal with fruit (Andy’s favourite), he was already playing with his see and spell puzzle toys on the carpet in the family room quietly, Maggie laying down beside him, his trusty little red fox plush toy he aptly named Pip watching him. He was still in his comfy onesie pyjamas, and Bee knew he wouldn’t want to change out of them. Hopefully their guest at the door would make him want to change his mind.

Andy perked up once he heard the doorbell ring. “Who’s at my house?”

Bee couldn’t help but laugh at his question – something he’d started to say recently whenever the doorbell rang. She thought it was the cutest thing in the world. “I don’t know! Let’s go see!” she extended her had out to him so he could follow her to the front door. He grabbed Pip and held him in his hands as he scurried towards Bee, Maggie following close behind.

When she opened it for the big reveal, Andy started hopping up and down excitedly. “Tyler!!!” he screamed before running out and jumping to avoid the snow.

Tyler caught him perfectly and scooped him up in his arms. “Heeeeyyyyyy little man!” he smiled from ear to ear as he balanced Andy on his hip as he walked into the house. “How’s my godson doing?”

“G…G…Good,” Andy stuttered out, smiling from ear to ear.

“Are you excited to see me?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed. “W…What are you doing at my house?”

“Well, mommy called me because she said you went to the library yesterday and got some new books,” Tyler explained. “And you know how much I love reading books to you.”

Andy’s eyes lit up like fireworks. He looked at Bee. “Mommy, Tyler can read my b…b…books to me?”

“Yes he can,” she smiled. “How about you go up to your room and get them.”

Andy wiggled out of Tyler grasp and climbed the stairs one step at a time, trying to go as quickly as his little feet would let him. Tyler and Bee hugged in the foyer before he began to take off his boots and unzip his jacket. “The stuttering’s gotten better,” Tyler commented.

Bee nodded her head. When Andy started to talk and develop words and sentences, she and Morgan noticed right away that he was stuttering. They thought it was maybe just a kid thing, because a lot of kids stutter when they’re first learning words or developing sentences to speak, but Andy’s problem persisted. Now that he was able to string words together to create sentences, the issue was more pronounced. It was definitely noticeable to everyone – the rude ones pointed it out; the good ones were patient with him like everyone should be. “A little, yeah. We started him in speech therapy once a week.”

“It’s working.”

“We’re hoping,” she said. “We’re trying to get him to talk more to other kids too. We can tell he sometimes avoids it. Even if it persists…we just want him to feel that it’s okay.”

“Well, of course,” Tyler said. “He’s a smart kid, sweetcheeks. He’s three and he can already read some words better than I can.”

Bee snorted, shoving Tyler playfully. “You want some coffee or what? Morgan should be home in ten minutes and then we’ll leave you to it.”

***

“Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Rielly, I can confirm you’re pregnant again,” Dr. Greenblatt smiled at Morgan and Bee.

“Oh, perfect!” Bee smiled from ear to ear as Morgan squeezed her hand. “We…I mean, we’ve been trying for a couple of months. It’s nice for it to be official!”

“You’re eleven weeks according to the schedule you provided, and your blood work, which means you’re due in late July,” he looked over the documents in his file. “But everything looks good. I know there were some difficulties at the beginning. You mentioned there were no symptoms from when you had your two early miscarriages.”

“Right.”

“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Rielly, everything looks good on my end. I can book you in with the ultrasound technician we have if you’d like your sonogram,” Dr. Greenblatt offered.

“That would be perfect,” Morgan said.

***

When Morgan and Bee walked into their house, they saw Tyler and Andy – holding Pip – cuddled on the couch. Tyler was reading Robert Munsch’s Andrew’s Loose Tooth, and Bee could see Moose, Thomas’ Snowsuit, David’s Father, and Just One Goal! on the coffee table in front of them. Andy was still wearing his pyjamas. There was a blanket draped over Tyler’s legs. It was all very cute.

“How are my boys doing?” Bee announced as she walked into the family room, leaning over the couch. Andy barely moved from his spot, too comfortable against Tyler’s chest and too entranced in Andrew’s Loose Tooth (though it was probably the 50th time he’d read the book) to even look up.

“Hi mama, hi dada,” Andy said absent-mindedly. He wiggled a bit in Tyler’s arms to get his attention. “Keep reading.”

Tyler wiggled his eyebrows at Bee and Morgan before turning the page and continuing to read. Bee laughed as she walked around the corner of the sectional couch, bent over, and kissed the top of Andy’s head before messing up his hair slightly.

***

After a homemade lunch, more playtime with Tyler (read: playing ministicks with Tyler, who was on his knees, and “bodychecking” him so he would fall over dramatically), his regular afternoon nap, and dinner, Andy was tired and ready for his 8pm bedtime. He had already changed himself into his pyjamas, and Morgan helped him brush his teeth before carrying him to his bed where Bee was waiting.

“I b…b…brush my teeth mama,” Andy said as he emerged from the washroom, Pip securely in his arm as he climbed into bed.

“Good job,” she smiled, pulling the covers back. Andy wiggled underneath the covers and Morgan sat on the opposite side of the bed, looking at him lovingly. Once he was underneath and lying down, his head on the pillow, Pip tucked into him, and the comforter stuffed around him, just how he liked it (“Make me a burrito!” he’d yell on more boisterous nights), Bee took a deep breath. “Andy…daddy and I have something to tell you.”

“What?”

Morgan looked at Bee quickly before looking back at Andy. “Boobear, you know how Jace has a little sister, Isabella?”

“Yes,” Andy nodded his head. “J…Jace and Isabella are my f…f…friends.”

“And you know how Henry has a little sister, Greta?” Bee continued.

Andy nodded his head again. “Henry and G…Greta are my friends too. But they live f…far away.”

“Well Andy, you’re going to be a big brother too now,” Morgan smiled at his son. Andy’s eyes went wide as he realized what his dad was telling him. “Mommy has a baby in her belly and in July or August you’re going to have a new brother or sister.”

Andy looked towards his mom. “Mommy…there b…baby in your belly?”

“Mhm,” Bee nodded her head. She put her hand over her stomach and, although there was barely anything there yet, she tried to cup something so Andy could get the visual.

“Boy or girl?”

“We don’t know. We’ll find out when the baby comes,” she said.

“When baby comes I…I going to be a b…b…big boy,” Andy said matter-of-factly. Morgan and Bee laughed. “I going to be good big b…brother.”

“Yes you will be, boobear,” Morgan said, leaning down to kiss his son. “You can teach baby how to read, how to build Lego--”

“I teach b…baby all the animals,” Andy interjected.

“Exactly! See! You’re going to be a great big brother,” Morgan smiled. “Think about all the things you’re gonna teach baby when they’re here, okay?”

“Okay,” Andy smiled contently as his eyelids started to droop from drowsiness.

“Goodnight boobear. Daddy loves you,” Morgan cooed.

“I love you daddy.”

“Goodnight Andy. Mommy loves you.”

“I love you mommy.”

***

April 16th 2028

Bee woke up on a Sunday morning to kisses on her neck and shoulder. Since being with Morgan, it was her favourite way to wake up, and truthfully, she never got sick of it. He almost over-indulged her with it. It has been ten years since it started, and it was still the best; the most comforting feeling; the thing she looked forward to the most.

Bee smiled to herself as she felt his tongue graze her skin, his breath hot as he moved up her neck and towards her ear. She took a deep breath in. At that moment, he knew she was awake. “G’morning,” his voice was coarse and full of sleep, but he continued to kiss her.

“Morning, you big moose,” she mumbled. She felt the arm wrapped around her move down slightly the cup her growing bump. At twenty-six weeks now, she was just slightly smaller than she was at twenty-six weeks with Andy (judging by pictures), but was experiencing much of the same symptoms of pregnancy. The back pain, the swelled ankles, the dramatic girth.

Morgan continued his kisses. “How you feelin’?”

“Good.”

“You think we can--”

“Please Morgan. Please.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice. He helped her wiggle out of her pyjama pants and top, and began kissing his way down her body, paying particular attention to her breasts. “I wanna taste you,” he mumbled.

Bee nodded her head. “Go. Go.”

He dove in. She was sensitive these days, and her senses all the more heightened, so when he began lapping at her, there was an automatic reaction. He hadn’t tired of this, either – eating her out like she was the last meal on earth. He hadn’t tired of much, really. He was still obsessed with her; still obsessed with her taste and how she felt wrapped around him; how warm her walls were and how they clenched around his cock whenever he helped her reach her climax. Every time was still special. The quick ones, the long ones, the ones where she dressed up, the ones where they used only their hands and mouths, the ones that made them scream, the ones that kept them quiet, the ones that were frantic, the ones that were nice and slow, the ones that led them to orgasm over and over again. Every time was still the best time.

After making her orgasm twice with his tongue, she began to tug on his hair. Her breathing was hot and heavy as she kissed him sloppily, tasting her juices on him, before she bit his bottom lip playfully. “Lay on your back,” she said.

In return, he bit her bottom lip too. “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

“I wanna ride you,” she said. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

Morgan groaned, flipping over onto his back. “Get up here.”

Bee took her time, taking off her pyjama shirt first before making sure she was comfortable as she lowered herself onto him slowly. Morgan’s hands were on her hips, helping to guide her. “Does it feel okay?”

She looked down at him. His mouth was still glistening with her juices. She nodded her head and closed her eyes. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

“Never. Never,” he shook his head, propping himself up so he could kiss her. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful. You don’t even know. You’re so sexy and beautiful.”

“Even as a big ol’ pregnant lady?” she giggled slightly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to steady herself now that she was riding him in his lap rather than with him lying down.

“Especially as a big ol’ pregnant lady,” he kissed her. “You have no idea Briony. You’ve given me my children, my family. You’ve given me my world. The gifts you’ve given me…there are no words to describe how much I love you.”

“And you’ve given me my world,” she whispered, kissing him one last time before pushing him back down onto his back. She continued to ride him slowly, trying to make the intimacy of the moment last as long as possible. Today, their house would be full of people, and while she loved hosting, she loved every minute of alone time she got with Morgan even more.

“Y’okay, baby?” she asked. “I’m close.”

“Make yourself cum on my cock, Briony.”

That was what she loved to hear. After over ten years and countless amounts of dirty talk, it still got her off. She moaned loudly as she began shaking on top of him, her orgasm coursing through her. “Fuuuuuuuck, Morgan,” she mewled out.

“That’s my good girl,” he cooed.

Bee couldn’t help but smile at his words as she came down from her orgasm. Eventually, she lay down at Morgan’s side, cuddling up to him. One of Morgan’s arms wrapped around her, while another rested between her legs, feeling her wetness. Morgan kissed her. “I love you so much,” she mumbled against his lips.

“I love you too.”

There was a few minutes of silence as they both caught their breaths, Morgan kissing her a few more times. Before Bee could get too comfortable, she looked at Morgan. “I think I’m gonna take a shower before Andy wakes up.”

Morgan smiled. “Wish I could join you.”

After about half an hour, Bee emerged from the bathroom, he hair wet but brushed through, a new pair of pyjamas on her. “You think Andy’s awake yet?” she asked as she made her way back towards the bed.

As if on cue, they heard the door from Andy’s room burst open. “Here comes the earthquake,” Morgan mumbled into his pillow as the heavy footsteps of Andy were heard running down the hallway. Bee chuckled at all the noise his little feet made; she couldn’t believe someone so small could make so much noise.

The door burst open. “Mommy! Daddy!” he scurried over, immediately climbing into the bed. “I have B…B…Brucey with me!” he screamed. A loud, happy meow from Bruce followed. “Brucey slept in my b…bed last night.”

“Is that a little bear I hear sneaking into my bed?” Morgan asked. The second he saw Andy let go of Bruce, Morgan growled like a bear and wrapped his arms around his son dramatically, pulling him into the bed and against his chest. Andy began to laugh uncontrollably as Morgan began kissing him all over. Andy tried to get away but Morgan was too strong, squeezing him even tighter as he peppered him with kisses. Bee took the opportunity to slip her hand into the drawer of her bedside table and pull out a single small chocolate egg, placing it on top of the table for Andy to find.

When Morgan stopped peppering his son with kisses, he turned over onto his back and lifted Andy up on his legs like an airplane. Andy couldn’t stop laughing as Morgan held his hands. “You remember what today is, big man?”

Andy nodded his head. “T…Today is Easter.”

“Are you excited for everybody to be at our house?” Bee finally piped up after looking on adoringly at her two boys. “Aunt Angie, Uncle Mason, and Leon, Grandma Shirley and Grandpa Andy and--”

“Mama, what’s that?” he asked, pointing to something behind her.

Bee smiled. She turned around dramatically to look at what he was pointing to: the little chocolate egg she had put on the bedside table. “Where?”

“There,” he pointed again. Morgan lowered him. “Mama, is that…d…did the Easter b…b…bunny come to our house?!”

“I think so!”

Andy’s eyes lit up like fireworks. He looked down at his dad. “Dada, we need to f…find all the eggs!”

“Let’s go!”

***

Saturday, July 1st, 2028

“Mommyyyyyy! I see f…f…fishies!” Andy screamed excitedly as he bent over the boat to look in the water. Morgan held Andy in his arms, leaning him over the boat to see the water and look at whatever fish Andy saw (or didn’t really see).

“Be careful!” she yelled out to him. “Don’t go too far over!”

“Mommy come see the fishies!”

“Mommy can’t come right now,” she said, resting her hand on her large bump. “You need to tell mommy what you see.”

Andy looked back dramatically at his mom. Clearly he did not like her answer. “Is it because of b…baby?” he asked.

“No, boobear.”

Andy wiggled out of Morgan’s arms and walked over the Bee resting on the back bench of the boat. He placed his hands on the sides of her bump and put his face right next to it. “Baby…we’re in V…V…Vancouver and we’re on a b…boat,” Andy said into Bee’s bump. “You have to be s…safe on a boat. You have to wear a lifejacket so you don’t f…f…fall into the water. Stop moving so mommy can see the f…fishies!”

Bee couldn’t help but chuckle. “It’s not because of the baby, Andy.”

“Then why c…can’t you come?”

“Mommy is very tired because I didn’t sleep well last night,” she said.

“Because of the baby!”

“No!” she couldn’t help but giggle. “You silly boy. It’s not because of the baby.”

Andy turned back and made his way back towards Morgan with his hands up, signalling that he wanted to be picked up again. As Morgan did so, he bent Andy over the edge of the boat again. “W…Where did the fishes go?” he asked.

“I think they swam away,” Morgan said.

“We have to go f…find them!” Andy exclaimed, looking at his dad. “Did they go to their h…h…home?”

“I think so.”

“Dada…do the f…fishies live like where Nemo lives?”

Morgan chuckled to himself. “No boobear. These fish live here in Vancouver. Nemo lives all the way on the other side of the Pacific Ocean in a place called Australia, in the Great Barrier Reef.”

“C…Can we go there?”

“Maybe one day,” Morgan kissed Andy’s cheek. “You wanna go find Nemo?”

Andy nodded his head. “I wanna find Nemo and D…D…Dory and the sea turtles!” he exclaimed. “We go with m…mamma and my new b…brother or sister.”

“That sounds like an amazing family trip,” Morgan commented. “Can Grandma Shirley and Grandpa Andy come too?”

“Yup!”

“What about Aunt Angie and Uncle Mason?”

“Of course!” he exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing in the world, causing Morgan to chuckle again. “My best friend Leon has to come with us!”

“Then it’s set!” he pulled Andy from over the boat to walk back towards where Bee was sitting. “Guess what mama! Pack your bags! We’re going to Australia!”

***

Monday, July 31st, 2028

Morgan could see the eyes and hair of Andy looking over the ledge of the skating rink at Hollyburn Country Club as he skated around the ice, doing a few warm-up laps with the other skaters so Andy could see him skate before trying to skate himself. Morgan waved at his son, and began to make his way over to where he was.

Andy didn’t move from standing on his tiptoes, looking past the ledge onto the ice, even as Morgan skated towards him, opening the gate and walking onto the soft ground. “Did you see me wave, Andy?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did you see Grandma and Grandpa out there?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you ready to skate just like daddy?”

Andy didn’t respond. He looked out onto the ice for a few more seconds before slowly making his way over to the bench, sitting in front of Morgan who was already ready with the skates in his hand. As Morgan shoved them on and began tightening them, Andy became nervous. He tried to look over his shoulder to see if he could see the ice again, but he couldn’t. That made him all the more nervous. He looked back at his dad, shoving the other lace onto his left foot now.

“Dada…” Andy said uneasily, looking down at the skate Morgan was already tying up on his feet.

“Yeah, boobear?”

“I’m s…s…scared.”

The second the words escaped from Andy’s mouth, Morgan stopped his movements. He set down his foot gently as he looked at Andy worriedly. “Why are you scared?”

The small pout that formed on his face said enough. “What if I’m not g…good at skating like the other kids like I’m not good at t…t…talking like the other kids?”

Morgan’s heart broke into a million pieces. “Oh, Andy…” he said as Andy shed a tear. “Andy, that doesn’t matter at all.”

“I want to t…t…talk like all th…th…the other k…k…kids but I c…c…can’t, no matter how h…hard I t…t…try.”

Morgan moved closer to his son so he could hug him tightly. He hugged him for such a long time, but Andy didn’t pull away as he cried on Morgan’s shoulder. Morgan snaked his hand underneath the Rielly jersey his son wore to rub his back soothingly. “It’s okay, Andy. It’s okay,” he cooed over and over. “Andy, I want you to listen to me, okay? Look at me,” he said, finally pulling away. He wiped the tears away from Andy’s eyes and cheeks before he could continue. “It doesn’t matter that you stutter and the other kids don’t. It doesn’t matter at all. Remember how mommy and I say that what you say is more important than how you say it?” Morgan asked. Andy nodded his head. “That’s what matters, boobear. You’re still such a smart boy. You’re so smart and you’re so nice to all the other boys and girls. And you have so many friends who love you. You have your best friend Leon and you have Jace, and Isabella, and Henry and Jacob and Naylah and – Andy, listen. You’re always good enough, okay? You’re always good enough.”

“Okay…” he said, his voice still a bit uneasy. “But dada, wh…what if I can’t s…s…skate like you can? Or like J…Jace? Jace is good at s…s…skating.”

“Then that’s okay, boobear,” Morgan said. “You just have to try. If you never try then you never know if you can do it, right?”

“Right.”

“You wanna know a secret?”

Andy’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“One day, Grandpa Andy counted how many times I fell on my bum when I learned how to skate,” he said. “Guess what the number was.”

“F…Five?”

“One hundred and seventy two,” Morgan said dramatically, causing Andy’s jaw to drop. “One hundred and seventy two! But guess what? Daddy got up one hundred and seventy three times. Daddy kept trying and trying and trying and eventually, daddy learned how to skate.”

“And now daddy is a hockey player,” Andy said matter-of-factly.

“That’s right,” Morgan smiled. “So it doesn’t matter if you fall, Andy. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t like hockey. That’s okay too. But you have to try.” Morgan could feel a new sense of confidence emanating from Andy as he finished his story. Andy looked determined and ready. “Are you ready to try skating, Andy?”

“Yes dada. I’m ready.”

***

Tuesday, August 1st, 2028

“Take a deep breath in…and push for one…two…three…”

“AAAAAOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!”

“Five…six…seven…”

“You’re doing amazing, Bumblebee. Amazing.”

“Push again for one…two…three…four…four…four--”

Blood-curdling cries filled the room. Bee opened her eyes to see a baby being held in front of her – a beautiful, healthy baby screaming at the top of it’s lungs. From beside her, Morgan smiled.

“It’s a girl!” one of the nurses announced, laying their baby girl down on Bee’s chest, facing Morgan. She wailed and wailed and wailed, and Bee cried and cried and cried. Morgan looked into the eyes of his daughter and started crying too.

He had a daughter. A daughter.

“Hey dad – one more time,” the doctor said as she held out a pair of surgical scissors for Morgan to snip the umbilical cord. He did so while the other nurses tended to Bee and the baby, sucking the mucus out of her mouth and nose and wiping her down just like they did Andy when he was born.

Despite the actions of everyone working around him, Morgan couldn’t take his eyes off his daughter. He knew they’d have to take her away soon to weigh and measure her, but he became entranced with her, and the fact that he now had a daughter – he was the father to a son and a daughter – to call his own.

“Mrs. Rielly, we’ll just take her to measure and weigh, then bring her back wrapped for you,” one of the nurses said.

When the baby was gone, Bee looked to Morgan. He leaned down and gave her a big kiss. “I’m a mom to a daughter,” she whispered. “Morgan I…I have a daughter.”

“You’re a mom to a daughter, Bumblebee,” he kissed her again quickly. “You’re going to be amazing.”

***

“Okay, we have to be quiet as we go inside. Baby might be sleeping,” Shirley said as she walked behind little Andy and big Andy. She could tell Andy was trying to maintain his composure and not do his little excited hops as they walked into the room. When they turned the corner, they saw Morgan holding the baby in his arms, lying in bed next to Bee who was looking on lovingly. When the couple noticed everybody enter the room, they smiled.

“Hey boobear,” Bee smiled from ear to ear, her voice still a little strained. “Do you want to come meet your baby sister?”

“I have b…b…baby sister?”

“Yes boobear. Come here. Come sit on mommy’s lap,” Bee patted.

Shirley lifted him up onto the bed as Morgan gave the baby to Bee to show Andy. Andy looked on wide-eyed at the little baby in his mommy’s hands. “She’s g…girl like Isabella?”

Bee couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. “Mhm. This is your sister Maia. Maia Claire Rielly.”

“M…M…Maia,” Andy repeated. “Mama, I be good b…big brother to Maia.”

“I know you will,” Bee kissed the top of his head.

“You wanna give Maia a kiss?” Morgan asked.

Andy bent down and placed a light kiss on her forehead. “Hi M…Maia. I’m your brother Andy. You’re in V…V…Vancouver right now. But we live in T…T…Toronto.” He stopped suddenly, realizing something very, very important. “Dada, we t…take Maia home or she have to st…st…stay here?!”

Everybody laughed at Andy’s question. “Maia is coming home with us to Toronto, boobear. Don’t worry.”

***

Monday, September 18, 2028

“…and, you know, we’re just ready to get started, get going out there, making sure we get things done the way we want,” Morgan answered the latest reporter’s question in the media scrum following the opening day of training camp.

“Morgan --” a new reporter interrupted Paul Hendrick, “we saw that your family grew this summer with the arrival of your baby girl.”

Morgan couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face as the words left the reporter’s mouth. He knew it would be brought up because, unfortunately, a picture had leaked. An “extended family portrait”, so to speak: a picture of John, Aryne, Jace, and Isabella; Angie, Mason, and Leon; Morgan, Bee, Andy, and Maia; and Tyler, all hanging out in Aryne and John’s backyard at Jace’s birthday party last week. “Ah, thanks. We did have a baby girl. It feels great.”

“Mom and baby are doing well?”

“Sure are,” he kept smiling, looking at the reporters to change the subject.

“Do you want to speak a bit about it so--”

“No. We’re not going to talk about that. But mom and baby are healthy. Big brother is happy he’s got a sibling. We’ll leave it at that.”

***

It’s a girl!

Morgan and Briony Rielly, along with big brother Andrew John, are delighted to announce the birth of their daughter, Maia Claire Rielly, born August 1st, 2028 at 3:42 pm, weighing 8lbs, 12oz, in Vancouver, British Columbia at the B.C. Women’s Hospital and Health Centre.

Maia is welcomed into the Rielly family by her loving grandparents Andrew and Shirley Rielly. She is also welcomed into the extended Toronto Maple Leafs and MLSE family. Morgan and Briony would like to thank the staff at the B.C. Women’s Hospital and Health Centre for their hard work and dedication to the medial profession.

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buckysrighthanddoll · 4 years

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Baby Girl

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Enhanced!Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of past trauma and illnesses, infertility, fluff

(Y/N) loved Steve with everything she had. He put the moon and stars in the sky, and she was mesmerized. There was no end to what she would do for him, and the same rang true in reverse. Steve worshipped her like the goddess that she was. Aphrodite had nothing on her beauty, Athena couldn’t match her ferocity in battle, Artemis couldn’t shoot her bow straighter than she could. (Y/N) was perfection in Steve’s eyes, despite any faults that she obsessed over.

They were a great couple. Not territorial or jealous, hardly ever fought, always communicated, the works. The entire team, as well as she and him, were all certain that they would be together forever. They would eventually marry, retire their superhero positions, get a house, have a couple of kids, get a 401-K, and retire and live a long life. They were the definition of the apple-pie-life that many members of the team fantasized about having.

Steve most certainly wanted to marry and start a family with her. She was his everything, after all, and he wanted to have everything with his everything. The thought of having a little version of her running around the tower or their own home made Steve’s heart smile in the best of ways.

She had considered children in the past, although she didn’t want them anymore. She used to be in a serious relationship for all four years of high school--got engaged and started planning a wedding--but she realized that he was actually incredibly toxic, plus she had certain abilities that he didn’t know about.

She had gotten her abilities after an experiment gone wrong. She had been type one diabetic since she was seven years old, and she hated it with everything in her. So when the doctors referred her to an experimental “cure” when she was 17, she jumped at the opportunity, as well as her parents. It was a serum of sorts that was supposed to restore her beta cells and change her immune system so that she could produce insulin. It worked, for sure, but she went to plug in her phone one night at the hospital and was electrocuted. She was dead for twenty minutes before the staff had saved her, but now she had these powers she couldn’t explain.

It was after that when she realized just how bad she didn’t want that apple pie life with the guy she was with. She no longer wanted to marry him, no longer wanted kids, no longer wanted to go to college. She wanted to save people.

(Y/N) was twenty-nine when she had met Steve Rogers. She had been taking her own “missions” for eleven years, but she didn’t know that Steve had been sent on the same mission by Tony Stark. Steve didn’t see the man in the corner of the room that had spotted him, but she did. So, naturally, she flipped herself onto his shoulders and broke his neck with her thighs. It was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

Steve caught (Y/N) before she had slipped away from him, and he brought her back to the compound to conduct an interview. Tony was in the room as well, and both of them listened to her story, conflicts, and her new-and-improved outlook on life. They took her in and trained her properly, and she fell in love with Steven Grant Rogers.

There was a part of (Y/N) that wanted kids with Steve. There was a larger part of her that didn’t, though. She knew how shitty her own genetics were, and how shitty the world was, and the direction it was going in. And she would be damned if she would raise a kid into this. But that didn’t stop her from perhaps wanting to give it a try, just because it was Steve and she would do anything for that man. He was like kryptonite.

(Y/N) had to admit that she adored how good he was with kids. Whenever you went into public and he stopped to take pictures with children who approached him, her heart fluttered in her chest and a warm smile found its way onto her face. Whenever they would go to her family’s house for the holidays, he would play with her nieces and nephews and cousins, and her parents would ask when she would have a child. She would just smile and shrug, not wanting to break their hearts by telling them that she didn’t plan on giving them another grandchild.

Even the team would tease the living hell out of them. Tony and Bucky were the worst, but even Wanda had her own quips and remarks that she would throw in conversation. Everybody seemed to know that they would live out the apple pie life and get married, settle down, and get a mortgage. They had been dating for five years now; it seemed like any day Steve would pop the question and (Y/N) would say yes a thousand times over. She was just terrified to tell him that she didn’t want kids. She just knew that he would want to leave her and find another woman who wanted to give him a family.

It was at a routine check-up that her doctor found abnormalities. They ran scans and tests and took a biopsy and found out what was going on.

The years of diabetes plus newly found endometriosis had rendered (Y/N) infertile. She physically couldn’t have children. Couldn’t give that to Steve. Nausea hit her so hard that she thought she was going to vomit everywhere.

It was one thing to not want kids. That was something that perhaps be changed with time. But this was something else. This was years of medical history smacking her in the face--no, the uterus--and taking away her Steve. She couldn’t comprehend that this was real. Her choice was suddenly taken away from her, and now there was no way she could be with Steve. He deserved a woman who was whole. And that wasn’t her.

That same day, there was a team breakfast. She hadn’t told Steve yet, she couldn’t figure out how she wanted to say it. (Y/N) just wanted to cave into herself through the entire meal.

“You know, Morgan could use a friend around here,” Tony trailed off, smirking at (Y/N) and her boyfriend, who was holding her hand under the table. Multiple pairs of eyes flitted over to the two of them, smiling cheekily as Steve smiled.

“Yeah, we’ll get right on that,” Steve quipped, although it felt more genuine than a joke.

“I admit, a little version of Steve and (Y/N) would be adorable as hell,” Sam chimed in, sitting back in his chair as he smirked a bit.

She was getting uncomfortable, and that same pit dropped into her stomach as it did when the doctor gave her the news. Her hand unintentionally squeezed Steve’s a little harder, but he had misread it as something comfortable for both of them.

“Could you imagine a kid with Steve’s eyes and (Y/N/)’s hair?” Nat mused. “Adorable.”

“And you know that child would be athletic as hell,” Bucky added, shoving a fork full of eggs into his mouth afterward.

“Would you want a boy or a girl?” Clint added. “Both are hard to raise, though.”

(Y/N) couldn’t handle it anymore. She stood up abruptly, pivoting on her heels and practically running off to her and Steve’s room. She started grabbing armfuls of her things, moving them back into her old room that was three doors to the right of Steve’s. She knew that he wouldn’t want her now. It would have to come out eventually that she wasn’t enough, wasn’t whole enough for him.

Steve knocks on his door just under a minute later. Almost all of her belongings were moved out already since she didn’t see the point in cluttering his room when she had a perfectly good room.

“(Y/N)?” He asks cautiously. “Can I come in?”

She opened the door, tears threatening to spill as much as she detested it. “It’s your room, Steve, you can come in whenever you’d like.”

He stepped in and quietly shut the door, resting his hands on her shoulders as he inspected her facial expressions. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”

She heaved a heavy sigh, aiming her gaze downward so that she didn’t have to see the disappointment that was bound to find its way on to Steve’s face. “I can’t have kids,” She mutters quietly. She was sure that he wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t for the serum in his veins.

“What?”

(Y/N) cleared her throat, closing her eyes as she repeated herself a little louder this time. “I can’t have kids, Steve. The doctor told me that I’m infertile.” A stretched silence ensued, so she stepped away from him and moved toward the door. “I get it, Steve. I wouldn’t want to be with me either. I’m not whole, and I understand that.”

“Are--do--are you breaking up with me?” He asked, turning back toward her.

“Don’t you want to be with someone better? Who can give you a family?” She asked, her eyes trained on the floor in front of his feet. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. Not now. Not when she knew she was losing him.

“(Y/N), baby girl, it doesn’t matter that you’re infertile,” Steve said. She could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, and she finally, finally brought her gaze up to look him in the eyes. “I love you as you are. Your sister told me a while ago that you didn’t want children, not since high school. And I understand,” He says, stepping toward her and pulling her toward him. “I’m perfectly content living with you. If you were to ever change your mind, we could adopt or get a surrogate, if you’d like. Kids aren’t what’s important right now. Right now, it’s just you and me, me and you, and we’re going to get married, and when we retire, maybe we could get some dogs or cats and settle down. But only when we’re both ready.”

She clung to him, crying into his shirt as he held her soothingly. “You mean that?”

“Every word, sweetheart,” Steve said into her hair, kissing there as well. “You are whole. You are enough. And I love you.”

“I love you, too, Steve,” She smiled, pulling away just enough to lean up and kiss him. It was smooth, gentle, and reassuring--exactly what she needed right now.

“And I’ll talk to the team about it if that’s what you’d like. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“You are literally the best,” She laughed. He steps away from her and kisses her forehead.

“Only for you, baby girl.”

The team stopped talking about it after that. Steve talked to them at that same breakfast, telling them that she was heartbroken about it, but that it was going to be okay.

It was going to be okay because (Y/N) loved Steve wholly, and he loved her deeply. They would go to the ends of the earth for each other, and not being able to have children certainly wouldn’t stop that love. Nothing could.

#baby girl #babygirl #marvel #one shot #marvel one shot #steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #fluff #angst

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theomnilegent · 5 years

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2019 Upcoming LGBTQA Fiction I’m Excited For!

A new year, a new top nine for women-lead LGBT fiction I’m looking forward to reading! There are, of course, a great many more books than the nine I’ve chosen this time ‘round - I think I will eventually make a part two to this post. I am so, so happy to see that this year we have even more diversity, even more stories about characters from all walks of life, from different parts of the LGBTQA umbrella, and even more LGBT novels. I remember a time where it’d be hard to find more than two YA novels with LGBT themes published in a single year - and now we have so many amazing works coming out!

The themes for 2019 seem to be gay witches, space gays, and explorations of mental illness in the LGBT community. I am so excited to read stories about girls and magic! I am more excited to read stories about girls and love! And I am definitely excited to see multiple books seriously addressing the issues of mental illness in young lesbian and bisexual women - it is a serious topic that has often been glossed over in the past, and to see multiple works that want to tackle these issues, and the issues of toxic relationships, in a healthy way is refreshing.

Below you’ll find titles, summaries, and goodreads links.

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamaki Laura Dean, the most popular girl in high school, was Frederica Riley's dream girl: charming, confident, and SO cute. There's just one problem: Laura Dean is maybe not the greatest girlfriend. Reeling from her latest break up, Freddy's best friend, Doodle, introduces her to the Seek-Her, a mysterious medium, who leaves Freddy some cryptic parting words: break up with her. But Laura Dean keeps coming back, and as their relationship spirals further out of her control, Freddy has to wonder if it's really Laura Dean that's the problem. Maybe it's Freddy, who is rapidly losing her friends, including Doodle, who needs her now more than ever. Fortunately for Freddy, there are new friends, and the insight of advice columnists like Anna Vice to help her through being a teenager in love.

Starworld by Audrey Coulthurst & Paula Garner Sam Jones and Zoe Miller have one thing in common: they both want an escape from reality. Loner Sam flies under the radar at school and walks on eggshells at home to manage her mom’s obsessive-compulsive disorder, wondering how she can ever leave to pursue her dream of studying aerospace engineering. Popular, people-pleasing Zoe puts up walls so no one can see her true self: the girl who was abandoned as an infant, whose adoptive mother has cancer, and whose disabled brother is being sent away to live in a facility. When an unexpected encounter results in the girls’ exchanging phone numbers, they forge a connection through text messages that expands into a private universe they call Starworld. In Starworld, they find hilarious adventures, kindness and understanding, and the magic of being seen for who they really are. But when Sam’s feelings for Zoe turn into something more, will the universe they’ve built survive the inevitable explosion?

The Lost Coast by Amy Rose Capetta Danny didn't know what she was looking for when she and her mother spread out a map of the United States and Danny put her finger down on Tempest, California. What she finds are the Grays: a group of friends who throw around terms like queer and witch like they're ordinary and everyday, though they feel like an earthquake to Danny. But Danny didn't just find the Grays. They cast a spell that calls her halfway across the country, because she has something they need: she can bring back Imogen, the most powerful of the Grays, missing since the summer night she wandered into the woods alone. But before Danny can find Imogen, she finds a dead boy with a redwood branch through his heart. Something is very wrong amid the trees and fog of the Lost Coast, and whatever it is, it can kill. Lush, eerie, and imaginative, Amy Rose Capetta's tale overflows with the perils and power of discovery — and what it means to find your home, yourself, and your way forward.

Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi Sana Khan is a cheerleader and a straight A student. She's the classic (somewhat obnoxious) overachiever determined to win. Rachel Recht is a wannabe director who's obsesssed with movies and ready to make her own masterpiece. As she's casting her senior film project, she knows she's found the perfect lead - Sana. There's only one problem. Rachel hates Sana. Rachel was the first girl Sana ever asked out, but Rachel thought it was a cruel prank and has detested Sana ever since. Told in alternative viewpoints and inspired by classic romantic comedies, this engaging and edgy YA novel follows two strongwilled young women falling for each other despite themselves.

The Meaning of Birds by Jaye Robin Brown Before, Jessica has always struggled with anger issues, but come sophomore year that all changes when Vivi crashes into her life. As their relationship blossoms, Vivi not only helps Jess deal with her pain, she also encourages her to embrace her talent as an artist. And for the first time, it feels like the future is filled with possibilities. After In the midst of senior year, Jess’s perfect world is erased when Vivi suddenly passes away. Reeling from the devastating loss, Jess pushes everyone away, and throws out her plans to go to art school. Because art is Vivi and Vivi is gone forever. Desperate for an escape, Jess gets consumed in her work-study program, letting all of her dreams die. Until she makes an unexpected new friend who shows her a new way to channel her anger, passion, and creativity. Although Jess may never draw again, if she can find a way to heal and room in her heart, she just might be able to forge a new path for herself without Vivi.

The Weight of the Stars by K. Ancrum Ryann Bird dreams of traveling across the stars. But a career in space isn’t an option for a girl who lives in a trailer park on the wrong side of town. So Ryann becomes her circumstances and settles for acting out and skipping school to hang out with her delinquent friends. One day she meets Alexandria: a furious loner who spurns Ryann’s offer of friendship. After a horrific accident leaves Alexandria with a broken arm, the two misfits are brought together despite themselves—and Ryann learns her secret: Alexandria’s mother is an astronaut who volunteered for a one-way trip to the edge of the solar system. Every night without fail, Alexandria waits to catch radio signals from her mother. And its up to Ryann to lift her onto the roof day after day until the silence between them grows into friendship, and eventually something more...

How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox Biz knows how to float. She has her people, her posse, her mom and the twins. She has Grace. And she has her dad, who tells her about the little kid she was, who loves her so hard, and who shouldn't be here but is. So Biz doesn't tell anyone anything. Not about her dark, runaway thoughts, not about kissing Grace or noticing Jasper, the new boy. And she doesn't tell anyone about her dad. Because her dad died when she was six. And Biz knows how to float, right there on the surface--normal okay regular fine. But after what happens on the beach--first in the ocean, and then in the sand--the tethers that hold Biz steady come undone. Dad disappears, and with him, all comfort. It might be easier, better, sweeter to float all the way away? Or maybe stay a little longer, find her father, bring him back to her. Or maybe--maybe maybe maybe--there's a third way Biz just can't see yet.

Going Off Script by Jen Wilde Seventeen-year-old Bex is thrilled when she gets an internship on her favorite tv show, Silver Falls. Unfortunately, the internship isn't quite what she expected... instead of sitting in a crowded writer's room volleying ideas back and forth, Production Interns are stuck picking up the coffee. Determined to prove her worth as a writer, Bex drafts her own script and shares it with the head writer―who promptly reworks it and passes it off as his own! Bex is understandably furious, yet...maybe this is just how the industry works? But when they rewrite her proudly lesbian character as straight, that's the last straw! It's time for Bex and her crush to fight back.

These Witches Don’t Burn by Isabel Sterling Hannah's a witch, but not the kind you're thinking of. She's the real deal, an Elemental with the power to control fire, earth, water, and air. But even though she lives in Salem, Massachusetts, her magic is a secret she has to keep to herself. If she's ever caught using it in front of a Reg (read: non-witch), she could lose it. For good. So, Hannah spends most of her time avoiding her ex-girlfriend (and fellow Elemental Witch) Veronica, hanging out with her best friend, and working at the Fly by Night Cauldron selling candles and crystals to tourists, goths, and local Wiccans. But dealing with her ex is the least of Hannah's concerns when a terrifying blood ritual interrupts the end-of-school-year bonfire. Evidence of dark magic begins to appear all over Salem, and Hannah's sure it's the work of a deadly Blood Witch. The issue is, her coven is less than convinced, forcing Hannah to team up with the last person she wants to see: Veronica. While the pair attempt to smoke out the Blood Witch at a house party, Hannah meets Morgan, a cute new ballerina in town. But trying to date amid a supernatural crisis is easier said than done, and Hannah will have to test the limits of her power if she's going to save her coven and get the girl, especially when the attacks on Salem's witches become deadlier by the day.

#queer fiction #wlw books #wlw literature #queer literature #lgbtqa literature #lgbt #book recommendations #yeah i'm gonna do this every year wlw books excite me

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With An HR Form - Raven x Tatianna (Albatross)

AN: First of my entries for the fic challenge: Raven x Tatianna!

Cliches used (very loosely, mind you):

Enemies to lovers (‘lovers’ part is a stretch)

A cheats on B with C. When B and C find out, they fall for each other (not so much ‘falling’ with this, just a bit of hate-fucking…kinda)

Lesbian AU

And a very special thanks to PinkGrapefruit for the title!

It was no secret that Raven didn’t like Tatianna.

It was no secret that Raven didn’t really like most of the people she worked with for that matter. Now there were a few she could tolerate, some she even actually liked but Tati? Just something about her rubbed Raven the wrong way.

With Willam, Raven knew exactly why she didn’t like her; she was loud and boisterous, always seemed to have some connection to whatever shit would get stirred up in the office and of course, loved to flirt with the line of professionalism in regards to both her clothing and attitude. All of this created a sharp contrast to Raven’s carefully polished and jealously guarded reputation.

But when it came to Tati?

It was hard to put a finger on just what it was about the young woman that Raven found so irritating. By all accounts they ought to have gotten along; they both were dedicated to their work and its accuracy, typically stayed on the sidelines when any office drama arose, and of course each respected the other’s need for maintaining a sense of decorum in meetings.

Yet still there was an unspoken tension between the pair; one that always seemed to arise whenever they were forced to work together on projects, which thankfully were few and far between. It was a familiar feeling for Raven not to like her coworkers but there was always a reason, however trivial it might seem to others. But with Tatianna there was no obvious complaint to be found.

The only remotely satisfying answer Raven could come up with was that she didn’t care for the younger woman’s lack of discretion, mostly concerning who she hooked up with from their shared workforce.

Every so often a rumor would surface of yet another employee, usually a temporary one at that, that could be heard calling out Tatianna’s name from the bathroom or one of the empty office suites. Most everyone looked the other way but something irked Raven every time a new notch seemed to be added to Tati’s belt. It wasn’t that she had any problem with hooking up with coworkers. In fact she had engaged in no less than three such relationships herself, including her most recent arrangement with Morgan, a long time friend from underwriting who she happened to sleep with following the last office potluck.

It was rather unexpected on Raven’s part; the party’s selection of food wasn’t exactly satisfying so the two went out for dinner almost as soon they were released from their shifts. But somehow dinner turned into drinks and then drinks turned into dessert…in Morgan’s apartment…for the majority of the night. Following their morning hangovers finally dissipating, each had to agree that their one-night stand had certainly been one of the better ones each had had as of late and mutually agreed not to let it be their last.

They only just managed to keep their hands off each other for another week before they were falling back into bed again, though this time it was Raven’s. Eventually it became a regular thing and Raven was more than content with that. They remained professional at work and not a word of their arrangement passed from their lips…not to each other nor to anyone else that they knew. Not that Raven was ashamed, far from it, but she believed in a strict separation between one’s personal and work affairs.

So perhaps that was why Raven had become so frustrated by Tatianna’s more public indiscretions.

She knew firsthand just how easy it was to keep things quiet yet Tatianna almost flaunted it. True, she never confirmed nor denied the rumors officially, but the little smirk she wore after hearing the latest gossip around the water coolers left little indication that it was anything but true.

Previously, Raven would just keep her opinions to herself regarding the issue but suddenly it became a lot harder to ignore once Tatianna turned her attention to someone more in Raven’s immediate line of sight; one Willam Belli.

Why these two would hook up was beyond Raven. She actually preferred to do anything not to think about it but like a recurring thorn in her side, it seemed to be all that anyone could talk about…mostly because Willam was doing a lot of the talking herself.

Almost every other week there seemed to be a new story that Willam loved to share, especially of Tatianna’s particular skills in bed or which hidden nooks and crannies they had found around the building for their liaisons. Raven had to hand it to Tati; she was getting good reviews, but it was pretty much the last thing Raven wanted to hear day in and day out at the office.

After about a month or so the chatter died out much to Raven’s relief…seems someone had reported the idle gossip to HR and a little mandatory training on office etiquette was ordered for both of the women. The smirk Raven wore once she heard this news could have rivaled a Disney villain’s as Morgan noted to her in a private conversation. Secretly the brunette was hoping very strongly that some new topic, anything at this point, would take her coworkers’ attention away from Willam and Tatianna.

Unfortunately, in just two short weeks Raven got her wish…

It had been unusually quiet for several days…almost like the calm before the storm then much like a hurricane ripping through a coastal town, Tatianna’s name was on everyone’s lips once again…this time with a new ‘partner’.

It seems that at some point the previous day after most of the staff had left the building, a call of Tatianna’s name could be heard echoing from one of the empty offices…by someone rather unexpected but not entirely surprisingly; Miss Alyssa Edwards from Design and Delivery.

The two had always engaged in a bit of light flirting, mostly on Tati’s part, but no one thought anything of it…at least until the rumor mill swirled with talk of Alyssa and Shangela taking a break from each other. Knowledge of those two had been one of the worst kept secrets in Raven’s opinion. Within a few days of their first hookup, they had somehow become public knowledge though neither ever actually admitted that they had begun dating.

They did a good job of hiding it while at work; they belonged to different departments so they hardly saw one another, never ate lunch at the same time and always had at least one other person with them at all times during the few instances where they would meet up. However, outside of work they were anything but subtle. Raven herself had seen them more than once holding hands while on what she supposed was a date. Whether or not they actually lived together was a matter of debate though they did seem to arrive at the office at roughly the same time every day.

But for one reason or another, they seemed to have decided to take a brief, or maybe even permanent, reprieve from their relationship. Something Tatianna wasted no time in pursuing. Just three days after the split had become known, Alyssa could be heard from the empty room (according to some of the late-night workers) repeating something along the lines of “Please…Please, Tati, baby…Don’t stop.”

Not too hard to imagine what was going on behind those closed doors.

All Raven could do was roll her eyes and complain to Morgan and Raja about the latest turn of events, something that had become rather common as of late. Truth be told, Raven knew she ought to forget about it. She was almost to the point of obsessing about the topic now as both of her friends pointed out but she felt helpless to do anything other than rant about Tatianna’s unprofessional behavior. Eventually it even led to her bickering with Morgan about it in the cafeteria.

Earlier that day someone had reported that Tatianna had hooked up in the bathroom yet again (with Alaska of all people after the blonde beat her out for a small promotion) and talk of the newest scandal spread like wildfire around the office. As Raven bitched about it over lunch to Raja, Manila, and Morgan, the latter finally snapped out, “Can we talk about something other than Tatianna for a change? I’m so fucking sick of hearing you go off about her every single day!”

The comment sent Raven into a rage as a flurry of emotions bubbled up inside her. Raja and Manila sat in stunned silence as the pair beside them exchanged increasingly biting remarks with one another. It all came to a head as Morgan accused her with, “You talk about her so much it sounds like you want to fuck her!”

That final accusation had pushed her over the limit and without another word, Raven stormed out of the cafeteria and back to her desk. Before she had even sat down her phone was already buzzing with messages from Manila and Raja but she didn’t care to look at them right now. She just wanted to seethe in her little cubicle until it was time to head home. Her original plan for the night had been to spend at least a few hours with Morgan fucking, eating take out, and maybe watching TV but all of that seemed to be thrown out the window. She didn’t want to see the younger woman right now, much less hear or speak to her.

Two hours passed by until Raven finally felt she had calmed down a little. She had thrown herself into her work almost immediately but every so often her mind would flash back to Morgan’s wildly off-base accusation. Every time the thought re-entered her mind a resurgence of anger would rise again until it was all Raven could do not to snap her pens in half. Eventually she decided to take a walk around the halls just to try and clear her mind a little more. She needed something to distract her even if it was just for a few minutes and she was due for an afternoon break anyway.

Pacing through the quiet halls was unusually relaxing as most areas only echoed with the faintest din of clicking keyboards…at least until she arrived at a more or less secluded women’s restroom. Even from outside the door, Raven could hear a voice that sounded all too familiar and certainly not engaged in any common workplace chatter. She tried not to listen nor speculate but with just one word Raven was suddenly seeing red; a breathy call of “Tati…”

Practically slamming the door open, Raven stormed into the bathroom and quickly located the source of the voice with her hips pinned to sink’s counter while Tatianna’s face remained buried in her neck and a hand suspiciously tucked beneath the blonde’s ruffled skirt. Raven’s glare was ready to kill as the pair quickly separated with the new intrusion and soon she found herself face to face with a very flustered Morgan and of course, a rather smug Tatianna.

Her voice dipped into a venomous, low pitch she hardly recognized as she ordered Morgan, “Go back to your desk…I’ll speak with you later.”

It was one of the rare instances when Morgan kept her mouth shut and simply rushed off to avoid Raven’s fury. For that she was almost glad…it meant she could now be rightly focused on Tatianna who was currently looking anything but apologetic…In fact she almost seemed to be challenging Raven as her brow arched ever so slightly as if to say, ‘What are you going to do about it?’

‘Plenty,’ Raven thought stonily yet all she managed to say to the much younger woman was a firm command of “Follow me.”

Shrugging her shoulders as if she didn’t have a care in the world, Tatianna trailed behind Raven as she exited the bathroom. Stalking silently through the halls, Raven found an empty suite and wasted little time pulling Tatianna in with her before they could be spotted by another employee. She was just barely in control of the volume of her voice as she locked the door and rounded on Tati with a snappish bark in her tone, “Just what the fuck did you think you were doing back there?”

“Trying to fuck Morgan?” Tati replied in a flippant manner as she leant back against the side of the vacant desk. Almost laughing, she added in, “Thought that was pretty obvious.”

Raven felt her eyes narrowing as the blood began to pound in her ears. Nearly hissing at the young woman, she demanded to know, “Why?”

“Cause she’s cute?” Tati offered as she pretend to pick at some invisible trace of dirt between her nails. Raven couldn’t stand the way she was treating this like a joke, like it was all beneath her. Never before had she been this infuriated with anyone, not even Willam. She thought her blood pressure couldn’t be raised any higher, at least until she heard Tati’s teasing addition of, “And single.”

This girl just didn’t know when to stop…nor did she seem to understand exactly who she was intentionally trying to piss off.

Almost as if she couldn’t control herself, Tatianna made a further lofty comment of “…And I know she doesn’t have any issues hooking up with coworkers…But neither do you…huh?”

Raven wanted to deck the girl right then and there. She didn’t know how Tatianna, or anyone for that matter, knew about her relationship with Morgan but the simple admission that Tati had any knowledge pissed Raven off to no end. They might not be dating but Raven would be damned before Tatianna made any further advances on Morgan.

She was just barely biting back a scathing remark on Tatianna’s own sexual habits, when the girl decided to open up that can of worms herself. Practically mocking the dangerously upset woman who was now crowding her against the desk, Tatianna glibly noted, “You know, for someone getting laid on such a regular basis, you’re still so uptight. Even Alyssa dropped that prudish act once we were alone.”

“I’m not Alyssa,” Raven warned her.

“No, just Raven,” the young brunette remarked casually. “The icy cold bitch who turns up her nose at damn near everyone in the office…the ones she hasn’t fucked yet, at least.”

There was little doubt in Raven’s mind that Tatianna knew exactly who she had slept with but how she knew? That was beyond her.

Forcing back a tense swallow, Raven spat out, “And you’re just Tati…the girl who’ll drop to her knees for anyone that gives her half a chance.”

A confident smirk found its way to Tatianna’s lips as she unwisely continued to taunt the frustrated brunette. Her fingers slowly trailed down the buttons of Raven’s top as she suggested, “Sounds to me like you want to give me that half a chance…”

Disgusted at the proposal, Raven scoffed, “Not even fucking close.”

Pushing her body closer to the older woman’s, Tatianna cocked her head to side and whispered enticingly, “Don’t you wanna see what all the fuss is about?”

Her fingers continued to travel downwards until they were just brushing against Raven’s stomach. She had little doubt that Tatianna intended to pursue this even further but Raven quickly put a stop to any plans the younger woman might have been making to herself. A hand swiftly wrapped itself around Tati’s own exploring one and firmly pinned it back against the desk behind them.

“I don’t think so,” Raven whispered lowly.

To say Tatianna was shocked at the refusal would have been an understatement. For the first time since the two had come into contact today, Raven saw the beginnings of cracks in her cool and composed exterior. A smirk of her own was tugging at the corners of her lips…at least until she took a closer look at Tatianna’s expression.

Far from being offended, the denial almost seemed to excite her. A barely audible gasp filled the room as Tatianna was pushed back into the edge of the desk and left trapped between the faux wood and firm body pressed against her. Raven could see her eyes beginning to glaze over as Tati’s line of sight fell exclusively to the brunette’s overly pumped lips while she licked the interior of her own in anticipation. Raven was almost shocked to find the younger woman slowly leaning in but she certainly wasn’t going to allow this brat to have any control in this war for supremacy.

Pulling back just out of reach, she could have sworn she heard a small whine from the smaller woman at yet another denial to her advances. To be honest the whole situation was somewhat confusing to Raven…it genuinely seemed like Tatianna was actually trying to make a move on her…even after she had practically torn her away from Morgan. She just couldn’t figure out what this young woman’s end game was. It was like she had no type regarding who she slept with so long as it was a coworker and one that she could exercise her dominance over…and yet this situation?

Raven wasn’t even touching her but she was gradually turning into a mess anyhow.

Just for her own curiosity, Raven brushed her knee against Tatianna’s and within seconds the younger woman’s legs had spread apart as if it were an invitation. Her breathing had picked up almost to a light pant as she waited for Raven to make another move. Even her eyes looked dangerously close to begging for it.

Gracelessly, Raven pushed her hand beneath Tatianna’s skirt and dragged a lazy finger across the thin layer of clothing she found waiting for her. Despite so little contact, Tatianna’s thighs were beginning to twitch at the light pressure running across her outer lips. Though it ought not to have surprised her, Raven was still slightly shocked to find the woman’s panties so damp already…and then she finally realized why Tatianna seemed to hook up almost exclusively inside the office.

This crazy young woman actually got off on fucking women in public or at least as close as she could get to it in the building.

It wasn’t just about her being in control. It was the thrill of being so brazen with her liaisons…the chance that she could get caught…and of course the times when she just skirted that line. But now that she finally had been caught, perhaps by the one person that seemed to be immune to her antics?

It must have been like an aphrodisiac to her.

This time there was no mistaking that a whine had passed through Tatianna’s lips.

It was a sound so unlike her, so vulnerable and submissive, that Raven wanted to draw it out again…so she did.

Another firmer stroke over the damp cloth produced an even stronger tremor as the young woman’s legs opened ever wider to allow for more access. She seemed to have given up any thought that she might try to overpower Raven much as she had done with so many other women in the office. She was willing to submit to anything Raven would give her and that prospect was too tempting to pass up…especially once the older woman heard the soft plea of, “Please, Rave…”

That was all the invitation she needed.

Pushing aside the panties just enough to work, Raven allowed her finger dip in just so into the warmth she found waiting for her. Though Tatianna clearly was wanting something even more, after finally having nothing left to separate their bare skin, it was a welcome change from restrictive clothing.

A few brushes against her clit left her biting her lip to keep from calling out but even before she had a chance to recover from that shock, she felt the first finger beginning to enter her. Raven was wasting little time in drawing the woman close to the edge. This wasn’t a romantic love-making session by any mean, this was just one way to show Tatianna where her place truly was after she tried to set herself up against Raven…after she tried to move in someone Raven now considered to be hers and hers alone.

She was going to teach Tatianna a lesson she wouldn’t soon forget about what happens when anyone tries to mess with Raven or what belongs to her.

The weight of the older woman’s body as she pushed Tatianna almost painfully into the edge of the desk was too much, especially when combined with the skilled fingers now being thrust into her slick heat. There was something to be said for the almost indifferent way that Raven was pulling out all of her best tactics to draw Tatianna closer to the same release she had given so many others before. It was clear that Raven seemed to have just as much practice as Tati had, in addition to having the skill to put that experience to good use.

She knew just when to add more fingers, which spots would make Tatianna melt against her hand, when to focus on the clit and when to draw back before it became too intense. All of this combined to bring Tatianna so much closer to her climax than almost anyone else had done before in so little time. Though she loved taking control over other women, even getting herself off as she did the same for them, giving herself up entirely to Raven was a completely new and thrilling experience.

She was ready to let the older woman consume her if it meant she would also enjoy the mind-blowing release that was steadily building up in the pit of her stomach. There was no doubt in her mind that this was going to be one of the best climaxes she had had in a long while and she was all too ready to do anything to achieve it.

She hardly seemed to be aware of her own voice as it raised in volume to call out Raven’s name. Unlike when other women would call out Tati’s praises, Raven still wished to protect her reputation and that certainly would not happen if anyone heard the office slut panting out her name from what was supposed to be an empty office. So to shut her up, Raven clamped a hand tightly around her mouth, effectively stifling most of the sound from escaping any further than a few feet.

That last act of dominance drove Tatianna wild as her hips continued to meet with Raven’s hand for any additional friction that could be created. Her eyes were starting to cloud as she came so close to her release and that was exactly what Raven had wanted to see. The one good thing about Tatianna was that she was so easy to read. Raven hardly had to spare any extra attention to find out what tricks she liked the most, what would drive her so close to the edge that she was teetering off it.

So when Tatianna came within seconds of getting that release, it was to Raven’s great satisfaction that she immediately pulled away leaving a very stunned and almost broken girl in front of her. She looked like such a mess that Raven almost had to laugh. The usually so put together young woman was hardly the picture of office professionalism anymore; her hair was tangled, mascara slightly smudged and running from where her eyes had watered, and her lipstick was smeared across part of her cheek and chin. Even her clothes no longer looked like they had once been clean and pressed that morning; her blouse was wrinkled and clinging to her vaguely glistening skin, her skirt crooked and askew and even one of her thigh-high stockings had fallen past her knee.

In short she finally looked every bit like the office slut Raven knew she was…and it was all because of her.

As for Tatianna, she couldn’t care less about how she looked she was just flabbergasted and admittedly pissed because she had been so close she could practically taste it but to then to have it ripped away? She was torn between wanting to smack the older woman or drop to her knees in front of her and offer anything just to get that feeling back.

But that was certainly not in Raven’s plan.

Instead the older woman finally allowed herself to indulge in an arrogant smirk as she unceremoniously wiped her fingers across Tatianna’s skirt before tilting the girl’s chin up to warn her one final time, “Never come near Morgan again.”

Throwing aside any former trace she had of her cocky attitude, Tatianna challenged her irritably, “Or what?”

“I think you can figure it out,” the brunette replied smugly before turning around and taking her leave.

After such a long, unplanned break she knew she ought to head back to her desk to finish out the day but there was still one more stop she had to make. She would be keeping her plans to see Morgan tonight…something she would be reaffirming to the younger woman shortly in no uncertain terms.

As she rounded the corner to the young blonde’s cubicle it was to her immediate pleasure that she found Morgan slightly anxious and even a little jumpy after having been caught in such a compromising situation earlier. Tossing out any notion of professionalism, Raven pushed herself close to the seated young woman, trapping her in place with her hands on the arms of the chair, and whispered, “I’ll be seeing you tonight at my place. 6 o'clock, don’t be late.”

Morgan was slowly nodding her head when an email alert sounded from her laptop. Her eyes drifted over to the screen and almost instantly widened as she read the short preview. Intrigued by the reaction, Raven turned her attention to the newest correspondence and found a semblance of anger beginning to rear its ugly head once again.

Displayed across Outlook, a short and simple email appeared at the top of Morgan’s inbox. There was no subject line but the sender’s name quickly caught the focus of both woman.

Addressed to Morgan, with Raven CC’d for good measure, Tatianna had decided to fire off a quick, one sentence email to the blonde; ‘We never did finish our discussion in the bathroom.’

It was fucking on.

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everwizard · 5 years

Text

Addie’s Story

Note: Before you read this, please understand that this is heavily based off of my real life. All the events contained herein either actually happened or are summarized based on the reality of a certain time frame. That being said, these characters represent aspects of myself and this story is about how they would react to it. Also, in order to avoid deadnaming myself, I changed my childhood name in this story.

Trigger warning: assault, verbal abuse, death mention, depression

2006 - 5 Years Old

A small orange-clad child appeared in the mindscape. Logic, Morality, and Adventure stared at it. After all, new people don't show up very often. This was a sight to behold.

“H—hi.” waved the child. She was noticeably nervous. Her body was trembling and she stuttered her words.

Logic got up and walked over to the child. “Who are you?” she said.

“A—ADHD,” the child replied.

Logic regarded this child. She had never heard of an ‘ADHD’, much less knew what it was supposed to be. “What do you do, exactly?”

“I don’t really know. What do you mean?” ADHD could feel Logic’s calculating eyes burning into her. This made her all the more nervous.

Morality stepped forward. “Well I’m Morality. I tell Morgan what things are right and wrong. I also help with feelings!”

Adventure joins. “I’m Adventure. I deal with Morgan’s fun and well, her adventure.”

“Yes, and I’m Logic. I am Morgan’s memory and everything she knows about everything,” Logic finished. “So what do you do?”

“I… I still don’t know. All I know is that I’m supposed to be different or something.” ADHD wished these people would stop asking all these questions.

“That’s okay,” Morality started, “take your time. Let us know when you figure it out.”

ADHD smiled. “Okay. I promise.”

2008 - 7 Years Old

“ADHD!” A shout came from somewhere in the mindscape.

ADHD appeared. “Yeah?” ADHD took this time to see who had called her. It was Quinn. What did Quinn want?

“You did it again,” Quinn replied, almost as if reading ADHD’s mind.

This was very unclear to ADHD. “Did what again?”

“You made us forget again. Morgan had an assignment due today but she didn’t do it because you made us, more specifically, me, the person who does it, forget.”

ADHD’s heart sank. I let them down again. I’m such a disappointment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“You never mean to! You just do things! No matter what happens or who it hurts!”

ADHD swallowed hard. Stop! I know, okay!? You all hate me. I don’t need to exist. I just make everything worse. “I’ll do better next time. I promise.”

“You better.”

2009 - 8 Years Old

ADHD stood in her room. There had been another fight with Quinn and the others. Like always, it ended poorly.

"They always blame me for everything. They never take responsibility." She moved to sit on her bed. "I'm the reason Morgan has no friends. I'm the reason Morgan always forgets to do things.

"It's not Rylie's messed up right and wrong. It's not Quinn thinking she's better than everybody. It's not Adventure being too forward. It's me. It's always me."

July 2012 - 11 Years Old

Quinn called a group meeting. Everyone was there. Well, everyone except the new girl. ADHD doubted anyone even knew there was a new girl. She had been hiding out in ADHD’s room since she arrived and she rarely came out.

Quinn called the meeting to order. “As you all know, Morgan is starting at a new school soon. It has to go perfectly.”

The group nodded in understanding. They did not want this next year to go as poorly as the last.

Quinn continued, “Rylie, you’re in charge of making Morgan some new friends. Journey, you need to find Morgan some new hobbies and interests. I will be in charge of Morgan’s studies. And ADHD? Just stay out of the way.”

ADHD nodded. It was the same every year. Nobody can know about me or they’ll think we’re crazy. “Understood, Quinn.”

“Good. Does anybody have any questions?” Nobody raised their hands. “Good. This meeting is dismissed.”

The sides headed their separate ways; Journey, Rylie, and Quinn probably going to assist Morgan while ADHD retreated to her room to spend time with her new friend.

“Hi Sadness,” ADHD said calmly, “I’m back. How’s it going?”

“Same as usual, I guess,” Sadness replied. “Still sad.”

ADHD hummed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Could you tell me one of your jokes?” Sadness requested.

“Yeah.” ADHD thought for a moment. “How does the ocean say hello?”

“I don’t know,” answered Sadness. “How?”

“It waves!” ADHD could see Sadness’s lips turn up ever so slightly. It was enough for ADHD to know she helped. Any time Sadness felt more upset than usual, she often asked ADHD for a joke. ADHD knew they were bad but she felt happy knowing that it at least helped a little.

A few moments of silence passed. ADHD was fidgeting with her fingers as Sadness layed on the bed. Sadness spoke up.

“Hey ADHD?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how the others all have names? Do you have one too?”

ADHD thought for a moment. This was the first time anybody had asked her for her name. The others didn’t care for her enough. To them, she was just a disability, getting in the way of their important work.

“Yes I do. It’s Addison.”

“Can I call you Addie?”

“Sure.”

May 2015 - 14 Years Old

Middle school had been okay for the most part. Morgan had actually made some really good friends. Some of them were coming along to Morgan’s new school while others went to the rival school.

Eighth grade had probably been the Sides’ best year in a long time. Addie certainly thought so. So too did Sadness.

Addie looked around her room. A few posters and various other merchandise littered the walls and shelving space. She had recently discovered a new trait of hers. She didn’t have a name for it other than fandom obsession. It might be just a phase but she wasn’t so sure.

She decided to try to locate Sadness. They had gotten really close over these past few years. They bonded over being the outcasts.

The three other sides eventually found out about Sadness when Rylie realized she could no longer control those emotions. Sadness came out of hiding and introduced herself after the others asked Addie too many questions about it.

The other three decided it was fine to let Addie and Sadness have their kinship because it was better for everyone that way.

So Addie strolled on over to Sadness’s room and knocked on the door. “Sadness! It’s me!”

Sadness opened the door and allowed Addie in. “Hi Addie. It’s good to see you.” The corner of her lip turned up slightly.

“It’s good to see you too! Wanna hang out today?”

“I always want to hang out with you,” Sadness replied.

Addie smiled and moved further into the room. Sadness followed and the two began their leisure time.

August 2015 - 14 Years Old

Addie and Rylie could often bond about things that excited them. This was one of those moments. Journey was in on it too this time around. The three were caught up in a moment of euphoria that they had not experienced in a long time.

Suddenly! There’s a flash and before the trio knew what hit them, there was a girl dressed in green standing before them.

“Who are you and what are you doing!?” Journey demanded.

“I’m Luck but you can call me Lucy,” said the girl. “And I just saved Morgan’s life.”

Addie, Journey, and Rylie took in what just happened. Sure enough, Morgan was picking her bicycle off the ground and there was a person sized dent in a nearby minivan.

“We hit that car,” Rylie observed.

“Yeah. You did,” Lucy replied. “And if I hadn’t been here, Morgan would be dead. Pay more attention next time.”

Addie began zoning out. This was all her fault if only she had just paid more attention. If only she had put in some thought into what she was doing. Morgan could have died and it would have been all her fault. “I… I need to go.”

And with that Addie left.

She fled to her room and was unable to stop the tears as the started to flow.

November 2015 - Age 14

This wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a good night that Morgan could enjoy. Not like this.

Addie held herself tightly, fingers digging into the fat just below the ribs.

She wasn’t the only one in shock, though. Everyone was. Even Lucy didn’t see this coming.

It had been a good night until Rylie prompted a text to Morgan’s mom. Morgan was loyal and Rylie wouldn’t stand for anybody disrespecting her family. Not even different members of the same family.

That text set off what Morgan eventually consider the worst night of her life.

“We should have just kept quiet,” Addie muttered.

“Yeah,” agreed Rylie. “This is all our fault.”

Memories flashed through Addie’s mind. Memories she knew she would never forget. Morgan clutching the porch. Listening to the verbal abuse, all the harsh things said. Morgan’s sister in hysterics ten feet away. Trying to be brave. Facing down Morgan’s grandmother. A slap across the face. Being shaken by the shoulders. So violently, still clutching the porch. The grandmother grabbing Morgan’s long dirty blonde hair and trying to drag her inside a stranger’s home. “May I have my phone back?” Morgan asked after it was over. “No you may not,” replied the grandmother.

Now they had nobody. No way to contact the outside world.

Nobody knew what to do as they listened to the people around them placing blame and verbally attacking Morgan.

So they did nothing. This was, in fact, their fault. They could have left it well enough alone.

This was the night that ruined everything.

This was also the night that Sadness became Depression.

September 2016 - 15 Years Old

They had been going to therapy. It was really helping.

Addie was learning more about herself just as Morgan was learning about herself.

They had learned more about their neurodivergence as well as the gender and sexuality spectrum.

Addie now had words for all the weird things that made her different. Hyperfixation, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, stimming. All these words that explained why she was the way she was.

There was another word she learned, though. One that had nothing to do with ADHD. Non-Binary.

This word made a lot of sense to Addie. This word describes us, she thought.

"Quinn, can I talk to you?" Addie asked the air.

Quinn materialized in Addie's room. "Yes Addison, how can I assist you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about this word that I think describes us."

"And what word is that?"

"Non-Binary."

"Ah yes," Quinn started, adjusting her glasses, "a term relating to the gender spectrum in which one feel they are neither male nor female."

Addie nodded her head. "Yeah. I think we might be that."

"An interesting observation. I'd have to say that I agree. We should check with the others first, however, and see what they think."

Addie didn't need to see what the others thought. That little validation was all she needed. From this point on, she was a they.

And they were happy.

May 2017 - 16 Years Old

Therapy had been going very well. The treatment left everyone feeling healthier and happier.

Well, except for Depression. One can't feel happier if one can't feel happiness. The therapy was working for them though. It boosted their mental state so they weren't constantly depressed.

Today, they were in one of their better moods. One of the best in a long time. Camp was about to start and Morgan was finally going to be able to work.

Depression called for Addie and they arrived just seconds later.

"Addie," Depression started, their mood shifting to nervousness, "You know how I'm the only one who hasn't shared their name?"

Addie's eyes lit up. "You mean it's time!? Can I get the others?"

"Yeah but before you do, I want to say something."

Addie nodded, listening.

"This is all thanks to you." Depression enveloped Addie in a hug as Addie's face turned red. "I couldn't have done it without you," Depression whispered.

Addie returned the hug. This was nice. They were so happy and honoured to have been such a big help to Depression, even through all these tough times.

The pair broke apart. A red tint lingered on Addie's face and Depression's lips were slightly upturned.

Addie cleared their throat. "Everybody! Get in here! Come quick!"

One by one, the remaining four sides joined Addie and Depression in Depression's room.

"What's the matter?" Quinn asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Depression has an announcement they'd like to make."

"Go for it!" Rylie chirped, pumping her fist in the air.

"Um, okay," Depression started. "The reason I called you all here is to tell you my name."

"Go on," Lucy urged, folding her arms.

Depression took a deep breath. "My name is Dierdre. But please call me Dre."

Quinn nodded. "Dre," she repeated. "I like it."

It was Dre's turn to blush now. The others were so supportive. They didn't expect this but it's all they ever wanted.

Dre had never felt this warm. They felt almost happy.

March 2018 - 16 Years Old

The group had come to a conclusion. They were, in fact, non-binary.

It wasn't a sudden decision. There had been a lot of thought and questioning involved. It happened gradually.

Addie was the first to identify this way, then Dre. Quinn and Journey joined next. Then Lucy. Today was the day Rylie finally joined.

Rylie had made the announcement a short bit ago. Everyone had welcomed them into the group. It had been a difficult process for Rylie and Addie could tell they were overjoyed that everyone was so accepting.

A voice rang out through the mindscape. "Everybody please gather in the main room. This is important." It was Quinn's voice.

Addie popped out of their room and into the meeting place. They waited patiently for the others to arrive.

Once everyone was gathered, Quinn spoke up. "I called you all here because we have an important decision to make that we need to make as a group."

"Alright then," Lucy started, "out with it."

Quinn ignored the sudden interruption and cleared their throat while adjusting their tie. "Yes, well. It seems Morgan needs a new name. And because this is such a big decision I wanted you all to be here.” A beat passed before Quinn continued. “Does anyone have any suggestions?”

A few ideas were thrown out and Quinn wrote each of them down.

“What about a name that means ‘new’?” Addie suggested. “Like how they’re starting a new life as a new person.”

“Sounds cool!” Journey chirped. “Exciting!”

Everyone hummed in agreement.

Quinn began listing off some examples of names that mean new. “Neo, Gen, Primus, and Newton are a few that I know.”

Lucy voiced their opinion. “Those suck!”

“I don’t know, Neo sounds pretty cool,” Dre argued.

A small voice perked up from the back of the room. “What about Nova?” Rylie asked.

Quinn hummed. “It means new and I quite like the space connotations associated with it.”

Journey jumped up. "Sounds cool!"

"I agree," said Lucy.

"Yeah," replied Dre.

Everyone turned and looked at Addie. "What do you think, Addie?" Quinn asked.

Addie smiled widely. "I love it."

May 2019 - 18 Years Old

Nova finally graduated high school. It was a rough journey for everyone but at least now it's over.

The sides we're all looking forward to something in the next year. Journey was ready to start as a camp counselor. Rylie wanted to make new friends and perhaps even find a love interest. Quinn was ready for a break. Lucy was excited for the thrill of saving Nova's life. Dre couldn't wait to get an emotional support animal. And Addie was happy to finally be themself.

They were finally fully accepted by the other sides. Rather than putting them down, the others would try to work with Addie to solve the problem.

A lot of people grow out of ADHD but in this case, ADHD grew with a lot of people.

#personal #novas thoughts and ramblings #novas sides #sanders sides #my sides #my writing #writing #writeblr

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kimnamjooonz · 5 years

Text

Blank Space - Episode 12

Flawless

Songs used in this chapter:

Flawless - Beyonce

Just A Girl - No Doubt (because I’ve been obsessing with this song since watching Captain Marvel)

'You wake up, flawless. Post up, flawless. Ride round in it, flawless. Flossing on that, flawless. This diamond, flawless. My diamond, flawless. This rock, flawless. My rock, flawless. I woke up like this.''

'I can't believe you did this'' Luke was on the verge of a mental breakdown after seeing the state of Morgan's last night dress. ''A thousand dollar Zuhair Murad dress stained with grass and beer. This is a hate crime.'' Morgan didn't say anything. She just sipped her coffee and made a mocking face. Her team was getting her ready to the red carpet of the Toronto Film Festival. She was wrapped in a robe, covering her gown, so it didn't get stained with foundation or lipstick. ''Last night was a total mess for us.'' Lucas moaned. He was the only one who wasn't doing anything. ''Your little show with Sebastian has Taylor climbing the walls back in New York.'' Morgan was tired of being blamed for something that hasn't been her fault at all. Taylor had called her that morning and shouted at her for ten minutes. She accused Morgan of being an irresponsible idiot and that she couldn't be left alone for five minutes without creating havoc. ''It wasn't my fault!'' she yelled. ''It was Sebastian's fault. He grabbed my hand, I had no idea about it! But, of course, it's always the woman's fault! We can never win! I don't know why Taylor thinks I'm some sort of man eater. At least the press doesn't agree with her.'' ''Keep calm!'' hissed Shontelle. ''I'm trying to wave your hair.'' ''The press is too busy planning your wedding'' said Lucas. ''And his fans are over the moon.'' Morgan tried to hide her satisfaction. It wasn't hard. She had only to remember Taylor's earful to ruin her mood. And she hadn't seen Sebastian in all day as he had been busy going through every press conference that was possible. One included a photoshoot with a puppy, that had melt Morgan's heart. But now it was the main act of the show, and Morgan had no idea what could happen. Knowing Sebastian, anything. He had no shame. Thinking about the devil, Morgan got out of her brooding mood when she heard knocks on the door. ''I go'' mumbled Lucas, knowing perfectly well who it was. There was Sebastian, ready to leave, looking devastatingly handsome, in a black velvet suit. ''You cropped me out of last night's pictures!'' was the first thing he said. ''And?'' by her face, she wasn't even sorry. ''It's my Instagram, I post what the hell I want to. And I looked great in that dress.'' That gave Luke an excuse to talk. ''A dress that you ruined! And don't even know what were you two doing last night, but today I dressed you in Alexander McQueen so don't you dare doing the same thing. If you two want to have sex, don't do it on the grass, just wait a couple of minutes and do it on the room so you won't ruin the dress.'' Morgan just looked resigned. In the course of one morning she had got used to the endless doses of teasing. But she preferred the teasing rather than Taylor's accusations of immorality. ''We weren't... doing that'' Sebastian blushed. ''We were eating pizza under a tree on the park.'' Somehow, that was more incredible because it was almost impossible that Sebastian and Morgan could stand each other for so long to finish a couple of pizzas. ''Yeah, whatever'' mumbled Luke. ''Just don't do it again.'' ''Always with the man eater narrative!'' Morgan suddenly exploded, surprising Sebastian. ''Why do you always have to think about sex? I really don't want to get him into my bed!'' she pointed at Sebastian. Lucas wanted to laugh. Maybe she didn't want that in the present but in the past, that was on her bucket list. ''Woah, thank you very much'' Sebastian groaned. ''Just shut up!'' Morgan yelled, throwing a make up sponge at him. ''Calm down! Is she okay?'' a worried Sebastian asked Lucas. ''Yeah, she just drank coffee with almost no food, that's why she's a little cranky. And Taylor called her out so she's a bit mad at that too.'' ''And it was your fault!'' Morgan yelled again. This time she didn't have anything close to throw at him. ''Tell me that at least you got yelled by your agent, please!'' Sebastian almost felt guilty to tell the truth to Morgan. ''Well... no'' he admitted. ''Emily was over the moon. She congratulated me for getting some sense into my head. She was a bit disappointed when I told her that we weren't really dating and I just grabbed your hand in a reckless and stupid move. But she didn't think that it was stupid. And Damien is also really happy, that's what Emily said. He's probably dancing, around the studio.'' Morgan looked defeated. It seemed that everyone minus Taylor thought that Sebastian's move was a marketing masterpiece. He, who was having more and more recognition every day, was being pictured holding hands in a very public way with his co-star, Hollywood's hottest newcomer, who had just covered Vogue and was rumoured to be walking in this year's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Yes, they were a couple to remember. And about his girlfriend, well... no one seemed to care. Maybe they would have, if she were a celebrity too but... she wasn't. That made Morgan felt a little bad (not too much, after all her fangirl feelings were still there) but at the same time, that was not her fault. Florence should have known in what she was getting herself into when she had decided to date Sebastian. The media was ruthless and Hollywood was even worse. And the fans were the icing to the cake. And someone like Sebastian was always going to be linked with her co-stars, if not Morgan, someone else. That was the way it was and if Florence couldn't handle it, that was not Morgan's responsibility at all. She had to continue doing what she needed to do and she couldn't stop to spare the feelings of a woman she hardly knew. ''I still don't understand why Taylor can't see the bright side of the picture'' Morgan seemed to have calmed down a bit. ''Because she's a nice and honest woman who still thinks that morality can win in this industry.'' she was expecting Lucas to answer but instead Sebastian did it. ''Emily was the same at the beginning of my career, until we noticed that if we wanted to get somewhere we had to play dirty sometimes.'' ''That's the way it is'' she said, with no emotion in her face. She stood up taking off her robe on the process only to reveal the beautiful silver dress she was wearing. She looked like a dream. ''Let's go'' she ordered Sebastian. ''Okay...'' he was quite distracted, looking at Morgan. ''You look, really good.'' he didn't want to be that evident in front of Morgan's team. ''Thank you'' she mumbled. ''Hey, you're forgetting the jewellery,'' Luke placed some delicate rings on her fingers that matched with her diamond earrings. ''Please, don't ruin the dress this time.'' he begged. Morgan left the room and Sebastian followed her, almost tripping on the way out. ''Are you okay?'' he asked. ''Yes.'' she nodded. ''And how was the press junket?'' ''I was expecting worse, to be honest. And they handed me a puppy and it was so adorable. He fell asleep on me, it was the cutest thing ever. I wanted to bring him with me.'' Morgan, who had seen the pictures, agreed with him: it was the cutest thing ever. The puppy and Sebastian. She tried to hide the soft expression in her face. ''That was probably adorable.'' she simply said. ''Maybe I get a puppy once I get to New York. I already have half the custody of a cat but I'm not allowed to see him.'' ''Don't give yourself attributions. Thirteen is mine.'' ''I literally found him.'' he had a playful smile and she just rolled her eyes at him. The car was already waiting for them when they left the hotel. Sebastian helped Morgan to get in the car and for once she didn't refuse it. He was moving his arms at the rhythm of the pop song that was being played, even if he didn't know the name of it. That made Morgan smile and a second later she was 'dancing' just like him. They weren't saying a word to each other but dancing was enough, it was enjoyable for them both. Sebastian didn't want to arrive to the place at all. He was wildly thinking about skipping the festival only to keep Morgan in a good mood. ''Damn, it's raining'' she looked through the window. ''It seems that we won't be able to run away tonight''. Morgan just shook her head. She was actually lamenting not being able to repeat last night's adventure. But that didn't mean that there was not going to be another type of adventure. Who knew. ''Here we are.'' he said. The place was full of fans of his, that was quite obvious because the majority of them had signs with his picture in it. No one seemed to care about Kit Harington, Chris Pine or anyone else. Sebastian was the star of the show and Morgan was sure that he was not going to disappoint. Morgan was thinking that if it wasn't for the crazy chance she had had at being able to play the lead role in a famous movie, she would have been one of the fans, waiting for Sebastian under the rain. And now she had the guy basically all to herself and there were days she wanted to send him back to Romania and lock him up there. Crazy how her life had changed. He helped Morgan to get off and immediately both of them were surrounded by security and photographers. In the blink of an eye, a guy taller than Morgan was holding an umbrella over his head. Before no one could notice, Sebastian had freed himself from the horde of security and was about to cross the street to meet his fans. Morgan had been right, he was not going to disappoint. ''Hey, where are you going?'' a big, bulky man asked him. But Sebastian didn't even answer and ran towards his fans, with his own umbrella guy running after him. ''These stars...'' the bulky man mumbled, quite annoyed. Morgan let herself be guided by someone from the organization, always with a kind and polite expression. On the way to the red carpet she kept waving and people with a big smile on her face. It was surprising how many people were cheering for her. She felt incredibly great and grateful. At some point she followed Sebastian's example and freed herself from the security guards to take pictures, sign some autographs and talk a bit with the fans. The bulky security guard looked like he hated his job. Finally Morgan arrived to the red carpet and the flashes only intensified. She was freezing but being the professional she was, she never let it show in her face. She just did all the poses she was asked and the photographers were pretty happy with her. Finally, the pictures were over and it was the turn of talking with the press. She had no idea what they were going to ask her when had no movie screening there and was just Sebastian's plus one. She was still thinking what she was going to say when a reporter from Entertainment Tonight intercepted her. ''Miss Llewellyn, can we have a word?'' he asked her. ''Of course.'' ''Great'' he motioned something to the camera man. ''Three, two, one, recording. Morgan, tell us, as a newcomer, what are you looking forward the most at this year's TIFF?'' ''Nicole Kidman of course.'' she said with a pleasant smile and a soft laugh. ''I really want to meet her and I swear I'm not going to fangirl over her. I'm going to compose myself.'' Morgan was internally thanking the interviewer for not asking what the hell was she doing there. ''And The American Dream premiere's at next year's TIFF, are you excited for this?'' ''I can't wait. But we have to finish filming and we still have a long way too go. Initially, it was going to premiere at Cannes but Damien decided to premiere at Toronto because usually, the movies screening here have more chances at the award's season. That's Damien Chazelle's thinking, not mine.'' she excused herself, laughing. ''I guess he knows best'' ''Yeah'' Morgan agreed with the reporter. ''He has an Oscar and this year he's going for the second. He's premiering First Man next week at the Venice Film Festival, that I'm not invited to, which is a pity because I always wanted to go to Venice.'' She and the reporter laughed. ''Is there a reason you're coming with Sebastian tonight?'' Of course he had to be mentioned in the interview. ''I'm just here rooting for a cast mate'' she simply said. But lately she decided to add a tiny bit of spice to her answer. ''Not really,'' she winked at the camera, making sure everyone noticed that what she was going to say was sarcastic. ''I think he didn't have anyone to come with him so I'm doing him a favour by being here. The deal was that he was going to introduce me to Nicole Kidman.'' Morgan and the reporter laughed again. ''Wow, that's quite the exchange... and which movie do you think is going to shine?'' That question gave Morgan more cues to be cheeky. ''Well, I'm supposing to root for Sebastian but I want to piss him off so, I'm going to go for Beautiful Boy, starring my almost co-star Timothee Chalamet. Get that boy an Oscar, once and for all!'' Morgan wasn't joking because she considered Timothee a wonderful actor but not even in an alternate universe she was going to choose him over Sebastian. ''That was a bold statement. And one more that has nothing to do with this if you will excuse me... everyone is really curious about you walking in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Is there some true to these rumours?'' ''Not really.'' she admitted. ''I think that it was an Internet joke that got out of hand. And I watched how hard the models have to work out to get ready for the show and it's just painful to someone like me. I just work out four hours a week. Maybe I dress as an angel for Halloween, who knows.'' Yes, an angel, thought Morgan, but a weeping angel from Doctor Who. ''Thank you, Morgan for your time.'' Morgan just politely smiled, nodded and went on her way through the red carpet until she was stopped again, this time by someone from the organisation. ''Miss Llewellyn, please, I beg you, can you go back and take some pictures with Mr. Stan? The photographers are basically demanding to have some pictures of you two together.'' Morgan followed him without protesting. She knew that she could do nothing about it as if she dared to deny to take pictures with him it would result in media speculation, Damien Chazelle displeased and sending both of them to do some PR plot again, and both of their agents furious. Taking pictures with him was the easy way out. ''Where were you?'' he asked her when she joined him on the red carpet. ''Giving an interview. Now, let's get on with this.'' This time it was Morgan who grabbed his hand to guide him in front of the photographs who were frantically snapping pictures. They looked absolutely gorgeous together. Morgan's beauty was enhanced by Sebastian's classic movie star aura and handsomeness. They were a couple to die for. ''Kiss her, Sebastian!'' shouted a photographer. Morgan leaned in only to whisper something in his ear. ''If you do that, I swear I'm going to punch you in the face, right here in front of everyone'' He nodded. He wasn't planning to kiss Morgan in front of a horde of people. Yes, he was guilty of wanting to kiss her more than once and that had left him with an almost unbearable feeling of guilt afterwards. Sebastian just did the most politically correct thing in which he could think and looked at Morgan with an enchanted smile and she, thankfully, did exactly the same. The photographers were happy and they could finally leave. He grabbed Morgan by the waist and took her away. ''At least is over. Now, let's get in. We have to mingle with the people and I have the panel of my movie''. ''Am I going to meet Nicole Kidman? Because that's the only reason I'm here.'' ''Wow, thank you for your support, Llewellyn.'' ''C'mon'' she shot him a hard glance. ''You've gone to plenty of events by yourself, Sebastian. I don't know what's that current obsession of yours of going to every event with me.'' ''It was not my idea, it was Damien's'' He may be blaming Damien but he was blushing at the same time. Morgan was aware that they were attracting all the glances by some reason. It wasn't as if this whole event revolved around them, as there were many actors with longer careers than theirs that were also promoting their movies. ''Let's stay here for a little while'' Sebastian pulled Morgan to a corner that was a little hidden from the people. ''I'm quite overwhelmed by so many people'' he took his phone out of his pocket because it was beeping. He glanced at it, reading the notifications. ''Hey!'' he looked at Morgan, with an almost outraged expression. ''Why do you want Beautiful Boy to shine? I thought you were my date.'' Well, her recent interview had spread fast and also... did Sebastian have the notifications of her latest news on his phone? ''Yeah, because I had no other option. And I may be your date but that doesn't mean that I have to be your number one fan. You have hundreds of people who do this job right outside, believe me I'm not one of them.'' She was not going to admit that she had been one of them. ''You're always so sweet, Llewellyn.'' she left the hidden corner and he followed her. ''Are you like this with everyone or only with me?'' ''Only with people that annoy me'' she blatantly said. ''When you're in a normal mood I sort of like you.'' ''And what is a 'normal mood'? this time he was genuinely curious. ''Like last night. Talking about deep stuff instead of this nonesensical blabbering.'' ''I can say the same'' Sebastian started to justify himself. ''I really like you when you lay down your armor and stop throwing sarcastic arrows at me for no reason at....'' Suddenly he stopped talking, made a strange sound and hid behind Morgan, who wasn't a difficult task considering that when she was wearing heels, she was taller than him. ''What on earth is going on? Did you see Voldemort walking to you?'' ''Just please, do me a favor and don't stop walking until we crossed that door.'' She did exactly the opposite and stopped. ''But why are you hiding? Have you offended someone? Did you steal their girlfriends?'' ''No! But Jennifer is there and I don't really want her to see me.'' ''Jennifer Lawrence?'' Morgan frantically looked around. ''Because if you're talking about Jennifer Anniston, let me freak out.'' or it also may be Jennifer Conelly or Jennifer Garner. What Morgan had no idea was what on earth any of them had to do with Sebastian. ''Anyway, whoever you're talking about probably knows that you're here. I mean, we've been on the red carpet two minutes ago and news spread fast.'' He knew that Morgan was right. ''Please, Morgan, she's my ex girlfriend'' ''Oh... that Jennifer.'' of course Morgan knew about her and, yes, she had been jealous. But Jennifer Morrison was, hands down, her favorite of Sebastian's former girlfriends. ''And you're hiding? Can this be more pathetic?'' she teased him. ''What did you do to the poor girl? Did you rob her house? Did you kidnapped her cat?'' she shot him a meaningful glance. ''I mean, you're taking attributions with my cat and the only thing that link us is a role in a movie.'' ''Shut up, Morgan and keep walking.'' ''I refuse'' she stood there with her arms crossed. ''I'm not being your accomplice in your cowardice. Hiding of an ex girlfriend... I didn't know you were still in high school, Sebastian.'' ''I just didn't want to find her here'' he tried to hid behind Morgan again, which was useless because Morgan immediately turned around. ''And that's not my problem. By the way, I'm going to go and say hi to her because I really like her'' Sebastian grabbed her arm, trying to stop her. ''I warn you, Sebastian. Better stop acting like an immature teenager and walk.'' but Sebastian wasn't moving. ''Okay, I'm not saying hi to her. I'll do it in another time. Happy?'' he nodded. ''Now walk.'' Everyone was going pretty well until Sebastian decided to be an idiot and hid himself against Morgan again when they were passing in front of Jennifer. With no shame she grabbed him by the arm and made him walk in front of her, not caring about they looked at that moment. If Sebastian wanted to hide, he could do it, but not using Morgan as a human shield. ''Sebastian?'' someone asked and Morgan knew perfectly well who that was. Morgan just wanted to laugh. Seeing Sebastian Stan trying to hide from an ex girlfriends was priceless. ''Hi, Jennifer'' he wrapped his arm around Morgan shoulders, to make sure she didn't sneak away, that was exactly what she was planning to do as she had caught a glimpse of Nicole Kidman. ''Nice to see you.'' Morgan rolled her eyes, twenty seconds ago he was hiding from her. ''By the way, this is Morgan, my gir...'' ''Co-star!'' Morgan basically yelled, guessing his intentions. ''Which means that after finishing the movie and the promotion I don't have to see him anymore.'' Jennifer didn't know if Morgan was being sarcastic or she really couldn't wait to get rid of Sebastian. ''Nice to meet you, Morgan. I heard a lot about you.'' Jennifer had seen Morgan on Instagram, at the cover of Vogue and literally everywhere where Chanel makeup was being sold. But talking to the real life version of Morgan was quite a challenge because she had an intimidating vibe that made it hard to talk to her with coherent words. ''I saw your Vogue cover, it was really great.'' Morgan expression changed to an innocent smile. It was as if someone had switched sarcastic Morgan with her nicer, sweeter twin. She suddenly looked approachable and even kind. ''Really? Thank you! It was my first cover so I don't know if I did it right.'' ''Believe me, you did. And how is working with Sebastian?'' And... sarcastic Morgan was back. It was noticeable in her facial expression that went from cute and innocent to condescending. Jennifer couldn't believe how fast could someone change her whole personality. ''An... spectacular experience'' every word was soaked in sarcasm. ''Thank you very much.'' Sebastian whispered to her. In his opinion working with Morgan was not that bad. Yes, at the beginning they were at each other's throats all of the time but now things were getting better. ''You're welcome.'' she winked to Sebastian. ''Now, if you will excuse me, I'll leave. A pleasure to meet you, Jennifer.'' and for once, Morgan was being honest. ''Likewise'' Jennifer didn't know what to think of Morgan but she didn't dislike her. She had a peculiar personality, that was all. ''Where are you going?'' Sebastian stopped her, grabbing her arm. She slapped his hand away. Was he trying to control her? ''None of your business''. She walked away with a perfect model-like catwalk. It was impossible not to stare at her. ''Feisty, isn't she?'' Jennifer asked. ''She's like trying to tame a wildcat.'' He didn't take his eyes off Morgan, who was talking to Elizabeth Olsen. Then Chris Pine approached her and that was when Sebastian decided that he needed to interfere. ''Okay, I need to go. See you later''. ''Hey, wait! Be careful with her, okay? Don't suffocate her because you just said that she was like a wildcat so, that means that she can scratch you back and it's not going not going to be nice.'' ''Why are you saying this?'' for once he took his sight away from Morgan and looked at Jennifer. ''Because I'm the only one of your ex-girlfriends that still talks to you. I know that relationships are not your strong point and it doesn't seem that someone as free spirited as Morgan Llewellyn is going to be the solution to that problem.'' He thought for a second but as always, his heart got the best of him. ''She's just my co-star'' his sad smiled revealed that he wasn't happy of having that status. ''Whatever you say'' for Jennifer it was pretty evident that Sebastian wasn't just simply attracted to Morgan but he was slowly and almost unnoticeably falling for her. Sebastian walked towards Morgan that was still talking to Elizabeth and Chris Pine. ''Morgan... we should get going. Oh, hi Liz! And... Pine.'' He offered his hand to Morgan who surprisingly took it, without making a fuss. ''See you later'' she said Elizabeth and Chris and Sebastian just winked at them. What Jennifer had told him was stuck in his head. Maybe he was being too suffocating with her and she was just fighting back. And he was suddenly remembering that he had started all the fights with her, from arriving late in their first meeting, then calling her 'overnight success', something that had deeply offended her and then being a bit dense with her, like the time when she was peacefully talking to Chris Evans and he had crashed the moment. After all, he didn't know who Morgan really was inside that hard shell of her. The only way to do it was with patience and gentleness, showing her that she could trust him but not with words but with actions. ''Morgan...''he ran his thumb on her knuckles. ''I don't know if I told you before but... you look beautiful.'' ''Thank you'' She had a smile he hadn't seen on her before. It wasn't her usual condescending or ultra confident smile but one full of simplicity that somehow made her look a hundred times more beautiful. Somehow he knew that this smile belonged to the real Morgan, the one who was hidden inside her shell. And he didn't like it. He loved it. ''I'm sorry if I somehow involved you in my mess... yeah, I know, Jennifer is great but I didn't want to see her. We didn't end up badly but my reasons were quite embarrassing.'' he didn't know why he was telling that to Morgan. ''I still feel quite... I don't know...'' ''Ashamed?'' ''Yeah'' he admitted. ''We were better off as friends, I suppose.'' once he started talking it was almost impossible to stop. ''I mean, our relationship was fine... but it wasn't exciting.'' Morgan couldn't believe that she was getting all that information. ''Is the same with Florence. She's a great woman but there's no fire and she's not... nothing.'' He was about to say 'She's not you' in front of Morgan herself and that was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. Morgan would never let him be after that and the guilt he was already feeling was going to consume him. But for once Morgan didn't look condescending but rather a bit sympathetic. ''I'm a bit sorry for you. It seems that you've got no one to talk if you're confessing this stuff to me.'' But inside her head the only things she could hear were sirens, provoked by what he had just confessed. So, he wasn't happy in his relationship... Take that, Taylor! It wasn't Morgan's fault at all, after all. He was simply dating the wrong woman for God knows what reason. So, it wasn't that unreasonable that he had started looking at his beautiful co-star with other eyes. It wasn't as if Florence was a bad person or anything, quite the contrary, Morgan thought, they just weren't for each other, it was easy as that. ''Are you okay?'' he asked and Morgan realised that she had got lost in her thoughts. ''Yeah, I was just thinking that you seem to have some sort of mental block that makes you unable to do whatever you the hell you want to.'' ''Are you questioning my life choices?'' he asked. ''No'' she cheekily looked at his eyes. ''I'm just making a commentary. If I were your guardian angel I'd be banging my head against a wall at every bad choice you make. I'd probably be unconscious by now. Or dead, who knows.'' Damn Morgan Llewellyn striking straight to the wound. No one else with the exception of his mother had been so direct with him. She was honest and he loved it. ''Maybe that's the reason I'm quite a mess. And what happened to your angel, Morgan?'' ''Probably resigned when I was five. It couldn't be with me anymore. Since then I probably have a guardian demon.'' ''And that's explains a lot.'' he joked. Of course that they didn't believe in guardian angels, they were just trying to justify Sebastian's bad life choices and Morgan's questionable approach to life. ''We're quite a well matched couple. My unconscious and probably dead angel and your demon.'' ''That sounds like the plot of a cheesy and awful Young Adult book that probably Hollywood would adapt into a movie afterwards. You can act in it.'' ''No, thanks. I had enough of awful supernatural movies with The Covenant.'' ''I don't blame you'' They were easily getting well again, walking around the place, laughing at people and at themselves. That was until they finally found Nicole Kidman and Morgan was so shocked that she didn't manage to make a sound. ''Sebastian, sweetie!'' she greeted him and it was evident that Nicole held him in high esteem. ''I was looking for you. We have the panel before the screening in twenty minutes so get ready. I want you to talk, sweetie, because sometimes you stay in silence during the whole interview.'' ''But I never get anything asked! And I'm not going to interrupt when you are talking because that's rude.'' ''Okay, fair enough. I'll find a way for you to talk and you're going to do it.'' then Nicole's eyes focused on Morgan. ''Goodness... Morgan Llewellyn, I thought Sebastian was joking when he said earlier today during the press junkets that he was going to bring you as his date. It's great to finally meet you!'' ''Likewise.'' Morgan was impressed. She didn't know that Nicole Kidman was aware of her existence. ''You and Seb make a gorgeous off screen couple. I can't wait to see your on screen chemistry.'' This time Morgan didn't shout that they were just co-stars. With an angelic smile on his face she got closer to Sebastian. But he was wrong of he though that Morgan was going to lie in front of Nicole Kidman that they were a couple. She was just going to tell the truth in some other way. ''We're definitely having a good time filming the movie'' Sebastian wanted to laugh. Yes, they had had good moments on sets but they had also shouted at each other on the first day of filming. ''But Seb and I are not a couple'' Morgan looked at Nicole with puppy dog eyes, as if she were sad by the fact that Sebastian and her were not together. Sebastian almost believed her, except from the fact that he knew that Morgan was devious as hell and she could make people believe whatever she wanted. It was a great tool in the laid back relationship she had with the press. ''That's kind of disappointing.'' Nicole admitted. ''I was rooting for you two.'' 'Yeah, me too' thought Morgan. Since 2013. But life was a bitch and even though she had all the chances in the world with him, she couldn't do anything without damaging her career. She didn't want to be known as 'boyfriend stealer' and Sebastian as a cheater. Sebastian was the one who had to get out of his own mess so Morgan could do something about it. Deep inside, Sebastian agreed with Nicole. She was also rooting for him and Morgan. ''Anyway...'' Nicole decided to leave them alone. ''I have to get going. See you in twenty minutes.'' Morgan waited until Nicole was out of sight to speak. ''Oh my Gosh, she knew who I was!'' she looked like a teenager fan of some boyband member. ''This is totally crazy. I had no idea that Nicole Kidman knew of my existence.'' she grabbed Sebastian arm and looked at him with her eyes full of happiness. Sebastian had never seen her like that. ''I reacted the same way when I met her. She also knew who I was and I almost passed out. I still can't believe I got to work with her.'' ''I understand how it feels'' Morgan gave him a meaningful look. ''Working with someone you've admired for a long time.'' of course that she was referring to him but she was not going to admit it. ''That's what I felt when I worked with Ian McKellen.'' Making their way towards the theatre room should have been a very simple task but thanks to all the people that stopped them in the middle, they needed ten minutes to get there. Most of them wanted to talk to Morgan. ''You'll see that in the next months you'll have many of these people fighting to offer you roles. When our movie comes out you won't be able to live in peace. Directors will be approaching you in the craziest of places. Damien Chazelle himself got me in the bathroom of the airport the same day I was leaving to Greece.'' Morgan stopped walking. That was not the version of the story she knew. ''Wait a second... didn't you have to audition for the role? The media kept saying that you, Tom Holland and Timothee were competing for the role.'' Sebastian shook his head. ''That was a rumour that Damien himself put up there not to make that obvious that I had the role since the first day. It's true that he cast you first and he told me that you were his first option since he saw you in Lady Macbeth in 2016. Then he got a hold of you through a Juilliard woman who knew Ian McKellen. He saw all of your RADA auditions and offered you the role at the last one. Once you agreed he approached me in that bathroom and offered me the role and he told me who my co-star was and that you and I were going to set the screen on fire. He wasn't wrong. To put it simply, he had chosen us before we even knew about it.'' ''The sneaky bastard...'' Morgan couldn't believe it. ''So, I had my career saved since 2016 and I learnt about that in 2018. I went through useless auditions for TV commercials for nothing. And I didn't even got the jobs. Damn it, Damien Chazelle, you could have told me about this before.'' ''He had to wait for the green light from the studio to do the movie and that probably took him some time. And he was also directing First Manduring that time.'' ''I suppose you're right. Still, we should be even more grateful with the guy. We were Damien Chazelle's first option. Your career was going pretty well before but maybe this role gets you an Oscar nom or at least a Golden Globe. And me... well... I wasn't as glamorous six months ago and look at me now. The story tells itself.'' No matter what Morgan said, he could never imagine her being not glamorous or forgettable. It was Morgan bloody Llewellyn, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen who also had an striking personality that stood out. ''I seemed that he was shipping us before we knew about each other's existence.'' Yeah, sure, Sebastian, Morgan thought. Maybe he had had no idea who she was but Morgan had been crushing on Sebastian since 2013. ''The least thing we can do to thank him is to marry each other after we finish filming and let Damien officiate.'' Morgan joked and Sebastian looked as if he was considering the idea and actually liking it. ''I'm joking, Stan. I don't want to ever marry you. Not for a million dollars.'' L.I.A.R. Sebastian wasn't even disappointed. He knew that Morgan was going to say stuff like that but that didn't mean that they were true. ''And here I was, thinking that it was a good idea. I can book us a date in the court house for us to marry. And remember Morgan, it's for life.'' ''For the love of God, what did I do that I deserve to spent the rest of my life with you. That is what I call punishment.'' Of course that Morgan didn't believe in what she was saying but it was priceless to say stuff like that in front of Sebastian. Unfortunately for them the banter couldn't go on as Sebastian's panel was starting and he was rushed on stage and Morgan was guided to her seat. Nicole had been right when she had said that Sebastian almost never talked because he said like one sentence in the whole panel. Yeah, it was true that he was a supporting character but Morgan wanted to stand up and shout at him to talk. When the panel was over he went to seat next to Morgan. ''How did it went?'' ''Fine. I love Nicole Kidman, it's for her that I'm here, remember that.'' ''Nah, you're here for me and you know it.'' ''You wish'' and she wasn't lying this time. The only reason why she agreed with Damien's plan of her coming with Sebastian to Toronto was because she was going to meet Nicole Kidman. ''I do, to be honest. There's is going to be a day when you'll go to my events willingly and not to meet someone else.'' ''I can't see the future so I don't know what to comment.'' ''You're unbelievable'' he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed her against him. He went one step further and kissed her forehead. It was surprising that she didn't push him away.

This is Morgan’s dress, without the veil thing. And yes, it’s Alexander McQueen.

P.S. @thatoneslytherinbeater gave me the idea of starting a tag list, so if you want to be in it, just like this post.

I went to see Captain Marvel and I felt so empowered afterwards, like I could do anything. I love my girl Carol Danvers and the lovely Brie Larson to pieces.

#sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x ofc #sebastian stan imagine #Sebastian Stan #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #sebastian #sebastian stan x reader #bucky #marvel #mcu #marvel cast #mcu cast #The Avengers

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killervibe · 5 years

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Lux et Veritas

Chapter 1: Cisco and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Read Prologue here

Everything was always immaculate here, Cisco thought. How the walls and floors were shining white and polished. The state of the art equipment expensive in a way that had him skittish to touch the first few weeks, afraid of being scolded for using them.

He never was.

The people around him were too busy to take his notice, in their white coats and pencil skirts with heels bustling around him, all doing their jobs, just like Cisco was doing his. And how nice, he thought, getting to do this for real, some day.

Cisco was busy scribbling his signature on the papers, finalizing his last report after the data entry he finished. The lab was near empty, and he glanced around it, committing all the details to memory. He had taken to this lab from the very moment he had been assigned to the department, it had served well this summer as a quiet safe space, a home away from home.

Immersed in his paperwork, Cisco missed the mechanic swish of the automated glass door sliding open, not realizing he had company until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He smiled up at his supervisor, The Dr. Wells. It’s been three months and he still couldn’t believe it.

“Well, it’s three-thirty. You’re done. How does it feel?”

Cisco let go of his pen and sighed wistfully. “Honestly, Sir. Kinda down. I really like it here.”

“I’m glad. You were excellent to work with. I’ve already drafted a glowing recommendation for wherever you choose to pursue your higher education.”

A flush came to his face, and Cisco glanced aside, shy from the praise.

“Thank you, Dr. Wells.”

“No, thank you. Where are you wanting to go to school?”

Cisco opened his mouth to reply when Tess Morgan sidled up to Dr. Wells’s side.

He wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist and she clucked her tongue. “Don’t stress him, Harrison. He still has plenty of time to decide.”

“Well, my girlfriend and I were always planning for an Ivy,” Cisco said. “But I’d also take MIT or Caltech.”

“Engineering, I hope.”

“Yessir.”

Cisco stood up, unclipping his ID. School started tomorrow. Somehow swapping his Star Labs keycard for his old library pass was kind of depressing.

He looked down at it, his laminated card, the serial number they gave him. The picture he had taken on his first day, how he was pretty sure he blinked and yet it still turned out better than any framed Picture Day photograph hanging on the walls at home.

He felt important here. Like he belonged, like someone finally (finally) looked at him and went Yes, you. We like you. You’re good.

Cisco knew he was good, in the back of his mind, front of his mind, whatever. His GPA said so. His report cards said so. Barry said so (Hartley didn't, but who cared about him). Caitlin used to say so. He felt he was good.

Cisco hoped he was good, but was he really? Enough?

Probably not. And still, this taste of a dream, of his future that he so desperately wants to live now already is enough to motivate him to work harder to get it again. Permanently, next time. With his own lab and a desk with his name on it. A degree, a couple of them, with his name in latin script hanging nearby next to a window.

Hold your horses, he told himself. He needed to graduate high school first.

Cisco gave up his ID, handing it to Dr. Wells.

Dr. Wells looked down at the badge, but didn’t say anything for a while.

Tess grinned, “Oh stop with the suspense, look how sad the boy is, just tell him already.”

“What?” Cisco asked, looking back and forth between the scientist and his wife, unfollowing.

“The thing is, Mr. Ramon,” Dr. Wells began, returning the ID, “I’m not sure I want this back. Because the truth is, I’ve grown quite fond of you. And Tess and I were wondering if you’d like to continue shadowing at Star Labs during the Fall. Say, twice a week after school?”

Cisco’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor. “You want me to stay?!”

“We’d love to have you, Cisco,” Tess finished, beaming. “What do you say?”

“—I’d have to ask my parents,” he said immediately, and he winced at how juvenile that sounded but was relieved to see the two nod in agreement, “But that would be the best thing I’ve heard all summer.”

“Come back sometime next week, schedule an appointment and we can discuss contracts with a legal consultant, and a guardian of course.”

“Thank you so much!”

Dr. Wells shook his head, shooing him out. “Go. Enjoy your last day of summer vacation.”

~.~

Cisco was on cloud nine when he parked Dante’s car in the guest garage of Caitlin’s estate, bouncing on his heels in the elevator.

He fired off a quick text to tell her he made it in, then bounded for her library where he knew she would be memorizing the course outlines for tomorrow’s schedule. He creeped up behind her where she was reading silently at her desk, still a little off guard at all the tin-foil silver in her hair.

He covered her eyes, kissing her cheek and she dropped her pen. “Guess who?” he murmured.

Cisco removed his hands and she turned her head over her shoulder. “Hi.” Her eyes shined bright and soft, blinking at him with easy cheer. He couldn’t keep it in any longer, the news near busting inside him as he rubbed up and down her bare arms excitedly.

“Guess who’s boyfriend just got offered a Fall placement at Star Labs?”

Caitlin gaped, turning around. “Mine?”

“Yours! And Dr. Wells said he already wrote me a letter of recommendation for college!”

Caitlin squeezed his hand. “That’s amazing, oh my gosh! You deserve it!”

He shared her smile, pulling her up from the chair, and turning on the lights. Why she kept herself hidden in the dark alcove with only a window was beyond him when her house was equipped with the best green energy efficient systems on the market.

Her words spread a warmth in his chest and he wanted to believe them, but still, doubt creeped into his mind. His fingers skimmed over her dark wooden desk, focusing on rearranging her gel pens.

“Do you think so, really? All I was doing was writing notes and doing small lab assignments.”

Caitlin folded her arms, raising an eyebrow. “Stop selling yourself so short. You’re the smartest person I know.”

He looked up at her. "You're not just saying that because I'm your boyfriend so you kinda have to, but really, secretly, like deep down next your dark chocolate obsession you think Lily Stein the smartest?"

Caitlin laughed, swatting his arm like that would smack the silliness out of his head. "I am not obsessed with dark chocolate!"

"Sure you're not," he countered, eyes crinkling when she pressed a kiss to his cheek to distract him from checking her waste paper basket to prove his point.

"Lily's intelligent. Hartley's sharp. But you're my favourite smartypants," she said.

Cisco smirked a little, “You think Hartley got the same offer? Bet he didn’t.”

Caitlin rolled her eyes at Cisco’s ongoing battle with his nemesis, choosing not to comment. “We should celebrate.”

“We should,” he enthused, offering her his arm. She took it, looking at him expectantly. “How about dinner?”

~.~

After food, Cisco took Caitlin to the little dessert shop that overlooked the river. They shared cheesecake and Sprite, clinking each other’s forks.

Caitlin kept looking over at the water, quiet.

She’d been like that, lately, off and on. Like she'd fall into moods where she was afraid to talk.

“Is everything okay?”

She took a moment to respond, scraping cheesecake off the plate. “Fine.”

He gave her a look. Maybe there were things that changed between them. But Cisco will never lose the skill of knowing when she lied. And Caitlin knew that too.

“I’m just—Worried. About school.”

“You love school.”

“I love learning,” she corrected, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t love CC High. Not anymore.”

“That’s fair.”

“I’ve been dreaming about this year since middle school. Starting it with you and applying to college. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for so long. What if I don’t get into a good school?”

Cisco held his tongue. There was zero chance that Caitlin would be rejected from any university, and, to be frank, there was nothing her mother’s money couldn’t buy. She was a shoo in, has been since Freshman year to all the good schools. And even if she weren't a phenomenal student, legacy alone would admit Caitlin into every college her mother’s research was affiliated with.

He thought about Tess Morgan, and echoed her sentiment. “Isn’t it a little early?”

Caitlin looked out at the water again.

He wondered if her mother was pressuring her. He wouldn't be surprised, school was ramping up soon and with that came a tremendous amount of stress after years of all talk. Maybe Dr. T had finally laid down the law, and it was daunting. Cisco assumed it would be, considering the pressure he put on himself, and he didn't even have anyone counting on him to make it. At least, not until he met the Wells family, and their encouragement had never been coercive. Maybe coercive wasn't the right word. Caitlin's mom was...Intense.

“...Is this about Star Labs? Because I can put in a good word about you with Dr. Wells or help you find—“

He watched Caitlin’s face fall, rushing to deny it. “No, no no. It’s not that. I promise. I don’t mind. You don’t have to do that. I just—I left such a mess.”

Cisco reflected on the past year. She was not wrong. But it was not all her fault.

She gave him a sad smile, “I just wish things didn’t have to change.”

Cisco frowned, sensing she was talking about something a little beyond high school. “They don’t. You’re my forever, Caitlin. Nothing has to change, I’m right here.”

She blinked back tears, shrugging. “I just miss...” she went to her locket. The one she’s never taken off since the funeral. The one with his picture in it, hiding under her dad’s.

His face softened as it clicked. He should've known.

He took her hand, kissing it softly.

“I know.”

~.~

Cisco had a Pop-Tart hanging out of his mouth as he dumped all of his things into his old school bag. He ran a brush through his hair a few times, threw on a light jean jacket, and slung the bag over his shoulder. He bit off another gooey piece before banging on the bathroom door.

“Dante, dios!” he shouted over the loud rush of water. He’s been in there for half an hour already.

“The bathroom! I have to go!”

His mom’s voice called from downstairs. “Deja entrar a tu hermano!”

He rattled on the doorknob, but it was locked. He swore under his breath again, checking his watch. “Dude!”

“Bro, calm down, what the fuck,” Dante groused, unlocking the door with a towel around his waist. The steam went billowing out and Cisco almost choked on the intensity of the deodorant spray.

He pushed past Dante, muttering, going for his toothbrush. He paused before sticking it in his mouth with the toothpaste. “Aren’t you late? Don’t you have an 8:30 class?”

His brother rolled his eyes. “Chill. I’m skipping.”

Cisco’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head, spitting into the sink.

“You’re skipping?”

Dante rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, you’re such a nerd. It’s not like high school, dumbass. Everyone skips class in college.”

“Is it recorded?”

“No.”

“Do you have friends in your class to take notes from?”

“No.”

“Are you going to work on another class instead?”

“No. I’m going to watch Netflix then probably take another nap before practice with the band.”

Cisco ran his hand through his nicely done hair. “Dante, I don’t understand you.”

Dante walked across the hall to their shared room, pulling on clothes.

“Don’t worry about it. Have a nice day at school. Kiss all the teacher’s asses for me.”

Cisco pulled himself together, breathing in deeply, reminding himself that he loved his brother and wasn’t allowed to smack him while he glared.

“Can I use your car?” he gritted between his teeth as Dante shuffled his hair some, ruining it altogether.

Dante waved him off. “I don’t use that crap anymore. It might as well be yours.”

He was already texting Caitlin that he was coming to pick her up, his eyes glued to his phone as he walked out the front door when his mother pulled him back by the strap of his backpack.

She kissed both his cheeks, pushing a sandwich into his hands. “Don’t break that attendance record. Give Caitlin a kiss for me.”

“Si,” he replied, waving goodbye at his little sister shrieking his name before he jogged down the apartment steps, not bothering to wait for the elevator.

Why’d his place always have to be so hectic?

~.~

Caitlin kissed him after she slammed the car door close, buckling in her seatbelt, grumbling under her breath.

"Mom troubles?"

"Just drive."

Cisco looked in the rearview mirror as he put the Toyota in reverse.

It was windy in a nice crisp September morning way, and Caitlin rolled down the window.

“You look cute,” he said as he drove off her estate.

Caitlin shrugged, “I wear a blazer every first day. It’s tradition.”

“I’ve noticed.”

It fell quiet. Caitlin wasn’t much of a morning person, and it was the first day of the scariest school year they’d face yet. There was too much going on in their minds for riveting conversations.

Cisco took a swig of water at a red light ten minutes later, stuck in the morning rush hour. He swished it in his mouth then swallowed.

“So I was thinking—”

“I was wondering—”

They both stopped.

“You go first,” Caitlin said.

“I was thinking that maybe you should talk to Barry before the bell. Just to get a fresh start. I can come with you.”

Caitlin curled her fingers around her designer bag, some big brand fashion company with lots of consonants like X and Z’s that Cisco could never remember.

“I don’t want to."

Cisco frowned. “But why? Barry isn’t mad at you, Caitlin. He just wants you to come back. He’s our best friend.”

She put her hand on his arm.

“You’re my best friend. You’re the only one I need.”

“So what, I’m stuck in the middle now? Homeroom to lunch with Barry, fourth period to final bell with you? How is that fair?”

“Actually,” she said. “I was thinking maybe we don’t make that big of a deal of it? Like, do people even need to know that we’re together again? Look what happened last time.”

Cisco narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like where this was going. “Caitlin. Everybody loves you. Nobody really loves me. This has already been established after what happened in April. Why does it matter anymore?”

She hesitated, tapping her fingers against the arm rest, leaning her head against the window. “I don’t want you to be a target again.”

“I don’t care,” Cisco said. “It’s just high school crap. I’m hoping we all got it out of our systems junior year. I haven’t kissed you in the hallway for how many months?”

Caitlin smiled down at her lap. “Six.”

Cisco made a disgruntled noise. “Six and a half, actually, but who’s counting?”

“Not me,” she lied.

They shared a glance.

“That’s too long. I’m not letting shitty people with nothing better to do stop me and neither should you.”

“Okay.”

She leaned over and kissed him quickly, then told him the light was green.

~.~

They had four classes together, but not homeroom, so Caitlin and Cisco split ways early on in the morning.

The bell rang, and Professor Stein cleared his throat.

“Welcome students to a bright academic year ahead!”

The class groaned, and Cisco shared an amused glance with Iris.

She leaned in, “Why does he say that every year?”

Cisco grimaced. “Fourth time’s the charm?”

Professor Stein told everyone to settle down as he took attendance, handed out the dozens of photocopied papers that needed their parents’ signatures and read the announcements. Soon enough, the bell rang, and they all got up to get to their first classes of the day.

Iris strapped her messenger bag over her shoulder. She wasn’t in the science stream, so this would be their only time together until humanities and AP English, which they didn’t have today.

“See you at lunch?”

“Yeah,” he said, then thought of something. “Can you keep an eye out for Caitlin? I’m just—Not sure what she’s thinking she’s going to do.”

“You mean with Lexi.”

He quirked an eyebrow. Students were starting to come in, so Cisco hurried out, grabbing Iris by the hand as the hallways started to flood. “You don’t like her either.”

Iris laughed callously, and they walked to their lockers. “Hell no.”

“Oh thank god,” he breathed, trying to keep up with her quick pace. “I just don’t understand why she won't try to fix things. You haven’t said anything to her, have you? You two aren't fighting?”

Cisco watched Iris hang her coat up. “No,” she said. “Fighting? We're not even talking. Don’t get me wrong. I was pissed last year. What she did was awful.”

He felt the need to defend her, when he knew he probably shouldn’t. Iris must’ve saw the look on his face and rolled her eyes.

“No need to get all Caitlin Snow protection squad on me. I don’t hold grudges like that. I came to the funeral, didn’t I?”

Patty and Linda showed up, tugging Iris away. “Hey, gotta jet, but I’ll try, okay? I’ll do some digging for you. Shawna’s pretty easy to squeeze.”

Cisco wanted to thank her, but she was too far gone, giggling with her friends.

He sighed, standing in the middle of the hall. Without even a second longer to breathe, Jake Puckett barged into him. “Watch it, mosquito.”

“We’re back to that, Jake? Really?” Cisco yelled after him, still getting jostled as the crowd of students thickened in the tight corridor.

Puckett continued his taunting. “You look like a girl. Why don’t you get a haircut?”

“Maybe my girl likes it long dipshit,” he shot back. “Not like you’d know what that’s like.”

That sent Cisco flying into the lockers.

“I deserved that one,” he muttered to himself, trying not to wince at the way the metal hinges dug into his back. He dropped his folder when he hit the wall, his green permission slips about emergency contact information and school behavioural contracts now getting stepped on by careless idiots he called classmates.

He darted between people in the crowd to get them back, annoyed that nobody cared to help him. Then, annoyed that he expected this shit to change now that he was a Senior in the first place.

Just one more year. One more year, Cisco uttered under his breath like a mantra, falling into his ethics class’ front row seat just on time.

Their teacher started sprouting some stupid idea about going around and introducing themselves, as if everybody hasn’t already known each other since elementary.

“Hi? Um, my name is Brie Larvan. And I want to be a beekeeper.”

Cisco rubbed his temples, his mantra intensified.

~.~

By lunch, Cisco was waiting by Caitlin’s locker.

He saw her walk out of history with Lexi and Shawna. She paused at seeing him, her eyes going a little wide.

“Cisco, what are you doing?” she said, looking nervously at Lexi and Shawna, who had their arms crossed with identical bitch faces.

“Lunch?”

“Like, disappear mosquito. She doesn’t want lunch with you.”

Caitlin frowned, opening her locker. She put a new textbook into a top shelf and grabbed her lunch box. “We don't call my boyfriend that. Yes, I do want lunch with him.”

She took Cisco’s hand, and he rose an eyebrow at Shawna, a smidge too smug.

“Sorry ladies, later.”

"Your boyfriend?" Shawna repeated, jaw dropping open.

Lexi gasped. “Caity!”

He felt her tension just by the way she held his hand. “I’ll see you in class, I’m still sitting next to you in art, just like we promised, right?”

Lexi’s smile looked a little off kilter. “Of course. Right. See you there, then. Have fun with...Cisco.”

Cisco, who had been trying to look anywhere but Lexi, eventually met her gaze.

She gave him a look, sucking lipstick off her teeth. It sent a chill down his spine, and he had forgotten (really, no, he hasn't, he really hasn't) how much he hated her.

She arched an eyebrow high in the air, like she was challenging him to acknowledge her. But Cisco didn't play her games.

He pulled Caitlin away, lacing their fingers together.

~.~

Cisco let Caitlin drag him far from Barry’s table without putting up a fight. In fact, they weren’t even eating in the cafeteria. They sat in the courtyard, watching the soccer team tryouts as Caitlin opened her packed box from her chef.

It was a nice day. Caitlin really did look gorgeous in her burgundy blazer and pleated skirt. It suited her, that classy uniform chic, and for the first time a thought occurred to him that struck odd. Caitlin belonged in a private school. One with 4.0 cut-offs, loads of legacy families, and a hundred thousand dollars for tuition. Dr. T letting her daughter stay in Central City to go to public school was a bit weird. She didn’t really belong here.

Cisco picked at dandelions as they talked, wondering why the grass was so unkept.

About twenty minutes in, Caitlin gave him a sly look.

Cisco looked up from his lunch, knowing that expression all too well. “If you’re going to kiss me, please let me finish my chicken first or else I never will, and I’m really hungry.”

She ignored him completely, prying the plastic container out of his hands. “Hey missy, I said I wasn’t— Mmmph!”

He missed this. He missed her. This Caitlin. His Caitlin.

It was like all the darkness swarming underneath her surface dissipated, and her true light was shining through.

He laughed as she climbed into his lap to kiss him more. They could get demerit points for this, and that heightened the sense of thrill. If they got caught it would be so worth it.

A shrill whistle pierced through the air and the two sprang apart. There was a foul on the soccer field.

“Still hungry?” she smirked with mirth, wiping the rest of her smudged lip gloss off.

He played with her silvery hair. “Um, yes,” he flirted, catching Caitlin’s heated gaze. “Famished.”

“Good thing I’m here then,” she murmured.

“Yes,” he agreed, inching closer. “Very good,” and slipped his tongue in her mouth.

They made out until the bell.

~.~

Outside was beautiful and peaceful. Cisco started to understand why Caitlin brought him out there.

“Oh my god, Caitlin! Over here!” Lisa shouted at the door, gesturing wildly at her to come back into the side entrance of school. “Hi Cisco!”

“Hey Lisa.”

Lisa Snart. She was something else, that one. Cute, in a dumb like a rock kind of way.

Maybe that was mean.

Lexi appeared over Lisa’s shoulder. "Come on, Caitlin! We’re going to be late!”

He got up with a sigh, and gave his girlfriend a hand. She took it, hers slender and soft in his, and didn’t let go.

They began walking towards Caitlin’s new posse.

“Why are they so possessive? It’s unnerving,” he couldn’t help but blurt out.

“It’s not me. It’s you. They think—”

“I know what they think,” he snapped, cross. As did everybody, no doubt. Cisco kicked at a littered soda can. “Tell them I didn’t.”

“I tried! They won’t believe me!”

“Then ditch them. It’s not that hard.”

She turned to him sympathetically, kissing him one last time.

“I can’t, Cisco. They’re my friends. I like them.” She untangled their fingers.

“No, you don’t.”

“I do,” she insisted. “Stop saying things as if you’re me. I’m me. If they’re my friends then I’m not lying and you have to understand that.”

Cisco felt properly chastened. He took a step back, quiet. “Okay.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you later.”

Lisa and Lexi took to each of Caitlin’s sides, linking their arms together. Only Lisa looked back.

~.~

“Where were you? You dipped lunch. Iris said you’d be there.”

It was the second to last period of the day, and it just had to be gym, didn’t it?

Cisco ducked at the incoming fire of dodgeballs. “Yeah, sorry. Caitlin wanted to eat outside.”

A ball rolled to a stop beside him. He picked it up and chucked it, barely getting it past the midline.

The one class he and Barry weren’t good at. So what.

“You mean she didn’t want to eat with me.”

Cisco stopped, looking around. His team was going to lose no matter what.

“I think she’s just really embarrassed. Give her some time.”

“Time?” Barry exclaimed, nearly getting hit in the face. “It’s been almost half a year! I miss her so bad. She’s in my geography class and she sat next to Bad Luck Becky instead of me.”

“Dude, watch out!”

“Huh?” Barry spun around in the wrong direction, and Cisco cringed as Barry got hit in the back by Woodworth, officially out.

Cisco followed him to the bench, not caring to even pretend he was playing anymore.

“What’s her deal?”

Cisco wrung his hands. “I don’t know. Her dad, I think. It shook her hard, and we weren’t there for her.”

Barry’s fingers were calming on his shoulder, unlike Dante’s, and different from Armando’s.

“Don’t beat yourself up about that. She pushed us away.”

It was easy for Barry to say that. Barry the best friend, their happy third wheel. It wasn’t the same for Cisco. Cisco, who had offered to pick Caitlin up when she fell down the slide in the first grade, who she had won the regional science fair with in grade 3, who she first told when they were ten that her dad was sick, really sick, and I really need a hug.

Barry was always there and supportive and the best friend, but he had Iris. Before him came Cisco and Caitlin. They were a duo, a package deal, each other’s forever.

Even if she pushed him away, even if she hurt him. She never meant to, just as hurt and twice as lonely.

“She needed me and I wasn’t there until it was too late. Now she doesn’t know who to trust.”

Barry reached for his water bottle, taking a long sip.

“So she trusts LaRoche? She knows what she did to you, doesn’t she?”

It was humiliating just thinking about it.

Cisco shook his head. “She only knows that I tutored her for the SATs.”

Three thumps on the back was what it took for Barry to stop coughing, spluttering water everywhere.

“You need to tell Caitlin. ”

“No. Drop it. And don’t tell Iris either.”

“But—”

Coach Adam’s bullhorn blew sharply, interrupting them both.

“— Allen! Back on the court! Don’t make me give you another C!”

~.~

The last class of the day was math with Professor Stein. Cisco had it with Caitlin, and they sat in the front row, scribbling notes furiously to keep up with their teacher’s enthusiastic ramblings. When the final bell rang, Professor Stein called them both to stay behind.

“I’ve got something for my 4.0 lovebirds.”

He leaned behind his desk for two thick envelopes and deposited one in each one's hands.

Caitlin tore hers open quickly, curiosity getting to the best of her. A stack of viewbooks from prestigious schools were freshly pressed, smelling like new paper.

“Straight from the guidance counsellor's office. They’re not yet out on rotation, you see, but I figured my overachieving students wanted a first peak.”

“Oh wow,” Caitlin replied, already looking into the Harvard one. “These have the updated statistics.”

“Of course, my dear.”

Cisco leafed through the schools in his selection, pausing at MIT, eyes lingering on rolling green hills of its campus.

Professor Stein pointed at Cisco. “And how was your internship at Star Labs?”

“The greatest. They want me to continue twice after school.”

“Really now? That’s quite remarkable.”

“Isn’t it?” Caitlin smiled, proud of him. Cisco blushed. “I told him so.”

There was a knock at the door, and Shawna appeared. “Caitlin we need you right now. It’s an emergency.”

Caitlin looked to Cisco.

“I thought I was driving you home. We could look at these together.”

“We really need you, Caity. Becky’s crying. I can drive you home.”

“Tomorrow,” Caitlin promised, squeezing his shoulder, then thanked Professor Stein again for the viewbooks.

Cisco tugged on her blazer for a goodbye kiss, reluctant to let her go. She leaned in, her fingers delicate on his face, smiling against his lips.

Shawna stomped a little, rolling her eyes, “Can we go?”

“One minute,” Caitlin said, looking into his eyes. “We’ll go over our favourite schools tomorrow?”

He raised an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards. “It’s a date.”

She grabbed her bag and the envelope, then followed Shawna out the door.

Cisco watched Caitlin scurry after Shawna, who was stomping away in her spiked combat boots.

“I’m glad that whatever squabble you two had seems to be put behind you.”

Cisco turned to their teacher, unashamed that he witnessed him smitten.

“Me too.”

Professor Stein had always been perceptive and easily approachable. Cisco had gone to him in times of trouble in the past four years plenty.

Cisco sat on a desk as Professor Stein tidied up, reflecting. “Sir, how do you help someone through grief?”

His teacher took off his glasses, cleaning them with the edge of his shirt before he responded. “This is about the passing of Dr. Snow?”

Everyone knew. He supposed they had to, not only because Caitlin’s dad had been an active donor and contributor to the restructuring of Central City High’s science stream, but because Cisco guessed it was required for her teachers to take special attention.

“She’s just not the same.”

“She won’t be,” he advised, firm yet gentle. “She lost one of the most important figures in her life.”

The only figure, Cisco thought bitterly, thinking about Dr. T’s suspicious absence in Caitlin’s life. It always made him scratch his head, how two people who lived in the same house could avoid and ignore each other for so long.

If Cisco could avoid Dante, he would.

Maybe it was a matter of the size of the house.

“I want to be there for her, but sometimes I feel like she’s pushing me away. Do I give her that space? Should I be persistent? Love is hard,” Cisco groaned after his monologue, flopping against the row of desks as if he were in a therapist’s office, not his math class. His teacher chuckled at him.

“Ah, but is your affection for Miss Snow difficult to muster? It takes effort for you to demonstrate your care?”

“No,” Cisco protested. “No, that’s easy.”

Professor Stein tapped on his shoes, asking him to get them off the desks.

Cisco's legs swung over the side obediently, and he sat back up.

Professor Stein tilted his head, and Cisco was alarmed to realize how his favourite teacher’s hair was beginning to grey.

Maybe that’s what made him stand out. After teaching as a professor and publishing his books, he came back to a high school to teach kids because he cared about them. Cisco didn't think he could do that. Lily was really lucky to have him as a dad.

“I know you love her Mr. Ramon. Patience is virtue. You’re astute for a young man of your age. Show her that love the best you can.”

That sounded about right.

“Yessir.”

“Now go home, enjoy those viewbooks.”

Cisco tucked the envelope under his arm, and took his advice.

~.~

Cisco was leafing through the glossy pages of Duke’s viewbook at the kitchen table, trying to concentrate through the constant keyboard banging leaking through the adjacent wall. He wasn’t allowed to ask Dante to be quiet, not even when he had to study and it was one of his pet peeves.

Don’t disturb him, Mama would always say, but his keyboard had an ear jack? Cisco had bought Dante a good quality headset a year and a half ago, thinking it would be a great gift to them both.

Dante didn’t use them, Cisco bet the wrapping was still on the box, buried somewhere in their closet considering he’s never seen them and it’s not like their room was very big. So who was the one really being unnecessarily disturbed?

How their neighbours haven't come pounding on their front door yet begging for silence was a mystery to him.

He was just getting into the gritty details of the application requirements when Rosita peered up at him on her tiptoes. Her ten little fingers gripped the table, eyes barely making it past the edge as she pushed herself up to see what Cisco was looking at.

“What are you doing?”

“Leyendo,” he said absentmindedly, showing her the bright graphs. She didn’t reply, and he looked down, how she had zero reaction, then forgot she was still fuzzy on verbs. Forgot that she couldn’t even read yet.

“Reading,” he translated. “For college. See? This is in North Carolina.”

“You’re leaving?” her voice wobbles, thick with hurt. “Like ‘Mando?”

Armando’s been gone at Cleveland State for two years, majoring in business. Cisco’s surprised sometimes that Ro even remembers their oldest brother.

“Not right away. But next year, yeah.”

Cisco didn’t see the big deal. He felt Rosita was pretty lucky, getting the apartment practically to herself. Cisco would have loved to be left alone growing up, not constantly stuck rubbing shoulders with the six people crammed into their three bedroom apartment with nowhere to breathe. But Caitlin and Barry both said growing up as an only child was lonely, wishing for siblings. Cisco wouldn’t know.

“Why?”

“Because I want to go to school, like the one you’re going to start tomorrow,” he explained. He glanced down at the entrance requirements and chuckled at his own analogy. “Except this isn’t kindergarten.”

There was just enough room for Rosita to squeeze onto his seat. He patted the space, and she climbed up with a little "oof” until their thighs were pressed together.

He read to her what was on the page just to keep her busy. It was the pictures she was interested in anyways.

“Where’s Mama?” he asked after a while. They had moved on from Duke to Stanford. Their dad still wasn’t home from work either, but he wouldn’t be, he usually wasn’t at this time.

Rosita shrugged her shoulders and Cisco rolled his eyes at himself, wondering why he expected the five year old of the house to have all the answers.

He slid off the chair, noticing the way she was droopy, her messy black curly hair spilling against the table as she leaned her head against it.

“Did you have a snack?”

She rolled her head from side to side with a whine. Cisco took that for a no.

He pulled out a fruit roll-up from the kitchen, ignoring Caitlin’s voice in the back of his head warning about high fructose.

After seeing to it that she’s good with opening the wrapper, Cisco knocked loudly on the doorframe of his and Dante’s room. “Where’s Mama?”

Dante kept playing, ignoring him. Cisco marched right over to the outlet and unplugged the keyboard.

“Hey!”

“Yo Beethoven. Were you supposed to be taking care of Rosita? Because I came home to her climbing the curtains, Dante.”

His brother waved him off, “She’s fine.”

“She was hungry.”

Dante glanced up at the clock on the wall.

“Mama went grocery shopping. We’re going to have dinner soon anyways.”

“Not for another few hours, I wasn’t supposed to be home this early. You can’t leave her alone like that she’s too young, and Mama expects us watch her!”

Dante banged his fist against the quiet keys, and Cisco had to keep a straight face at how that looked. “Stop fucking lecturing me, I’m older than you!”

“By a year,” Cisco scoffed. “Don’t go on about being 18 if you won’t even act like an adult.”

“Yeah, because you want to be an adult so bad, Cisco, don’t you? It’s just a number it doesn’t make you older.”

Not for the first time, Cisco found himself missing Armando. Things were easier with Dante when he was around, how he was practical like Dante yet level-minded like himself.

The door slammed loud behind him, frustrated. Dante was Dante. What was he to do? At least he got his car.

Cisco took his stack of books to the living room, wiping off Rosita’s sticky fingerprints from off the Stanford cover and got really interested in Harvard’s crimson booklet.

By dinner, he was excited, sprouting out campus facts as his dad asked to pass the bowl of vegetables.

Rosita kicked her legs in her seat beside him, happily munching away on the roast beef.

“Dude, just. Shut up,” Dante said with his mouth full after Cisco went on a, self-admitting, spiel about Stanford’s aeronautics engineering program.

Cisco narrowed his eyes, defending himself. “I have to apply by November for early admissions. That's two months away. We're talking about my future here.”

His mom and dad shared a look, one Cisco couldn’t decipher. He put his fork down, sensing dread.

“What? I told you, my SAT scores are really high. Maybe not Harvard okay, but MIT, UPenn, I think I have a real shot.”

It went quiet, it was uncomfortable and Cisco felt nervous, like he was the butt of a big joke.

“What?”

“Get that Ivy League crap out of your head, we can’t afford it.”

His mother gasped, hitting his father’s arm.

Cisco looked to Dante, who had his glass paused halfway to his lips.

“What Papa means is we know you talk big plans with tu novia, but where will the money for that come from?”

The words were faint, Cisco feeling a rush in his ears as his mind began to race, trying to compute. "Mama, I don't understand.”

“Those schools sound very expensive, Cisco.”

This couldn’t be happening, he pushed his plate away, sick to his stomach. “Two years ago you said you had money put away for me.”

“That was before Dante changed his mind about CCU music. And it was never going to be enough for what you’re talking about. We were already tight with Armando’s tuition.”

Dante coughed, nearly choking on the food, startled. “Mama,” he gaped, after a giant swallow of water. “¿Su dinero?”

“He is older, Cisco,” his dad replied, and it was condescending, felt cold like ice down Cisco’s back. “If you want a fancy college you’ll need a job, maybe two. You might have good grades for CC High, but for a full scholarship where everyone is smart? Be realistic, Mijo.”

Cisco’s eyes were stinging, blurring as the weight of their words washed over him, and he was so unprepared, so unbalanced to hear that news, it knocked him over, and now he felt like was going to drown.

"You don't think I'm good enough?"

"That's not what we're saying," his mother corrected, "But we do believe your aspirations are out of tune."

Out of tune. Giving all his college money away to his ungrateful brother, permitting him to Netflix in his room under the guise of studying composition, was out of tune.

He stood up abruptly, not able to stomach any more.

“You used my money on Dante? Dante? Who doesn’t even show up for school? Have I not been clear since I was twelve how much I wanted this?”

Rosita burst into tears at the volume of his voice, covering her ears. His mother ran to Rosita.

It wasn’t Rosita’s fault. It wasn’t. She was just a child. She was little, but somehow the way his mother ran to her and picked her up adoringly, soothing her whimpering was the last straw, twisting something in Cisco until it bent and snapped.

“You care for everyone in this house but me!”

“Francisco.”

“It’s true!” he cried, and maybe it wasn't, but his world was imploding, and this wasn't his fault, Cisco didn't do anything to deserve this.

He swiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his jean jacket, furious, “You never listen, you never care, you don’t know anything about what I want or am going through, even when I say it. It’s all about Dante or Rosita. You didn’t even care that I was chosen for Star Labs’ internship, how big of an accomplishment that was for me. Or that Caitlin’s papa died!”

“You were at Star Labs?” his father questioned, sliding his glasses up his nose. “Dante did you know this?”

His mother tore her gaze from his sister, stunned. “Dr. Snow?”

Even his parents were out of tune with each other. Out of tune, they said about him going to an Ivy, about becoming an engineer, he still processing it, outraged. Cisco wanted to throw up.

Dante spoke up. “Papa of course I knew he wouldn’t shut up about it. He was gone every day.”

Dante was defending him for once, probably guilty, and he should be, Cisco thought, but that wasn't enough.

He was on a roll, unable to stop yelling, “Armando got everything he wanted! Dante gets anything he asks for, no questions! A motorcycle, he goes and you're all oh, sure Dante, here you go, only pay half. Then he says, Haha surprise, I want to go to college after all, and so you go sure, let us deplete our youngest son's college funds!"

Even Rosita quieted, staring at Cisco.

"What?" she said, voice full of innocence.

His face crumpled, but he refused to break in front of them. "I worked so damn hard, and I get nothing?”

“It is not nothing,” his father scolded in Spanish. “CCU is a fine school, Francisco. You are just prejudiced. Caitlin is a fine girl, but her privilege has gone to your head.”

“That’s not true,” Cisco snapped back, switching languages smoothly. “This has nothing to do with Caitlin. Mama, tell him.”

She lowered her gaze, fussing again with Rosita’s plate, without replying.

His parents’ quietness was all the confirmation Cisco needed. A dark chuckle, more like a huff from a pushed out exhale escaped him, and he shook his head.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath, looking at the faces of his family. He didn’t even want to be here anymore.

“Well, since I got your attention,” he spat, “I was offered a placement at Star Labs for the Fall for after school. I need a parent to sign the contract with me.”

“¿Se paga?” Is it paid? Mama said.

After all that.

Cisco choked on his answer, already imagining what they were going to say. “No.”

“You’ll have to choose then, what you want more.”

Was this what it felt like? To see his entire future hanging by a thin, loose, unravelling thread? Cisco shouldn’t have to choose. Star Labs was his ticket out of here. Out of this mess, the one outstanding point on his application which would give him those scholarships, that admission.

But his parents didn't understand, and they won't.

And that's what was worse. It was not the lack of money, or that they gave it to Dante (even though that cut deep, and Cisco wasn't quite sure it was something he could ever forgive). He knew that they weren't wealthy, that they were four kids and still not even in a house. But they made it work for their children, set up this illusion, this fake fantasy land Cisco had been living in for years and watched him entangle himself deeply there, plant roots in it, and still never bothered to come clean and correct him.

They watched him grow up and fall in love with math and science--and Caitlin, and get his glowing letters from his teachers and still think the idea of him going away to one of the country's best schools was silly. Childish, like one of Rosita's make believe stories.

How could they see him, see what he's willing to sacrifice, how hard he'll work, has worked, and still be so confident that Cisco was wasting his time?

“I’m going to sleepover at Barry’s,” Cisco announced, too upset to look them in the eye. Too angry to wait and listen to their reply. To be given permission to leave.

They were way past granting him permission to do things anymore, in his books.

Dante tried to pull him back when he passed by, uttered his name, but Cisco pushed, shoving his brother out of his path with a hard glare, poisoned with fiery pain, daring him to say another word.

He didn't wait for the elevator of the building to make it to their floor, just ran down the spiralling steps, all at once, and fled.

~.~

Cisco called Caitlin twice but it went to voicemail. He banged his head against the steering wheel in the humid, sticky old car with the rusted paint and broken AC, keys still in the engine, motor running, stalled in the apartment parking lot, and cried loud ugly sobs.

~.~

Dr. Allen didn’t question why he had to double his pancake recipe in the morning, just ruffled Cisco’s hair and called him and Barry sluggers, and for that Cisco was grateful.

Cisco parted ways with Barry on the Allen's front steps, after he got pulled in for a hug.

"We'll look at options, okay? Jobs and stuff." Barry cracked a smile. "Maybe we can wait tables together."

"You'd do that for me?" Cisco, asked, pleasantly surprised.

Barry nodded. "I could use some extra cash, to take Iris out and stuff. You want to walk to her house with me?"

Cisco nodded to the Toyota. "Nah, I told Caitlin I'd pick her up this year now that I have the car. I'll see you in school."

~.~

Cisco sat in his driver's seat, tapping his fingers against the dashboard, still dreary, exhausted, and weighed down, but, hopeful to see the one person who would be sure to make him feel better.

Minutes clocked by and his hope turned to worry, and he wrestled with the idea of unbuckling his seatbelt to see what was wrong.

Because something was wrong. Caitlin was late. And she's never been late in all the years that he knew her.

She was late and so he was just as relieved as surprised when Dr. T knocked on his window, after walking briskly down her house's long driveway.

He rolled it down, frowning. “Is Caitlin sick?”

“She already left with her driver,” she informed. “She made it clear that she didn’t want to see you.”

It was like being dunked in cold water.

“What?”

“Get to school, Francisco.”

Cisco grabbed his phone in the glove compartment, about to call her, not above believing Carla Tannhauser pulling a fast one on him (she never did exactly like him, but this would've been cruel) when the text came through.

❤ Caitlin ❤ : We're breaking up.

#the flash #cisco x caitlin #killervibe #the flash fic #tkv fic #lux et veritas #thatkillervibe fic #ch 1

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miss-oscurita · 5 years

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Wish Upon || Chapter Five || Better In The Morning

Pairing: Arthur x Modern!OC Summary: Arthur is transported out of the game and into 2019. Crashing into the life of a gamer who never expected her favourite virtual cowboy to become a real man. Rating: Mature Chapter Word Count: 4,751 A/N: Posting here for a lovely anon who requested I do so. You can read all previous chapters here on AO3. Wish Upon || Chapter Five || Better In The Morning

When Allie woke up everything felt completely normal. That blissful moment or two when nothing really existed, just the soft morning light and the promise of a new day. Then just like that, she remembered. Sitting bolt upright in bed her memories erupted, images of Arthur in her home, dancing across her eyes as clear as any recollection she'd ever had. Unnerved, she froze in place, listening to the house for a sign of the unfamiliar, but all seemed to be at peace. Nothing felt unusual or out of place as she expected it would have, if of course, a formerly-virtual cowboy was still lurking her house. Feeling oddly relieved by the balanced equilibrium around her, she looked down at herself and realized she was still in her t-shirt and yoga pants from the night before, but despite so many fresh images in her mind she couldn't recall putting herself to bed at all. She guessed she'd drank too much wine while completing her second Red Dead playthrough, the emotion of that and the cheese pizza she'd wolfed down had obviously been responsible for the vivid dream she'd had about him. She gave a huff of hollow laughter, comforted to find she appeared to be free of the mess she thought she'd made for both of them, although a little knot of disappointed sat in the pit of her stomach. She told herself it was just because the dream didn't end in even a hint of romance, that she was pleased to be back to reality and that she didn't already miss the sensation she'd felt from just having him around. On a heavy sigh, she stretched wearily and shuffled to the edge of her bed, eyes going to her clock as her feet touched the floor and began to massage the rug beneath them. It was after eight, far too early to want to be up but there were things she needed to do. Take a nice red hot shower, was top of the list. Then she needed to round up the dogs and let them out to pee, get them all some breakfast and then get on the phone to tell her best friend about the crazy dream she'd had. She began to slip out of the t-shirt she'd slept in when she heard the toilet flush from down the hall. She thought nothing of it at first, assuming her cousin was home from the night shift and getting ready to hit the hay himself, but it flushed again, and then again and again. Her widened eyes shot across the room, locating her silver tabby cat asleep on her window seat in a patch of glorious morning sun. The last time she'd heard the toilet being flushed so many times in a row Freddie had been obsessing about how the light was hitting the chrome button on the cistern, and kept attacking it repeatedly. She groaned to herself; if her cat was there then it could only mean that Henry had blocked the damn toilet. Annoyed, she pulled her t-shirt back on and stood up, guessing she'd be spending her morning with the water turned off and waiting for a plumber to come before she got a shot at the shower she craved. "Use the plunger!" she cried, bursting out of her bedroom onto the landing, ready to rant at her older cousin for abusing the main bathroom. Her eyes locked on the bathroom door instantly, expecting to find the door closed, however to her fright -and delight- she instead saw Arthur Morgan.

She froze to the spot, shocked by the very sight. Her assumption of everything having been a dream laid shattered at her bare feet. He was standing besides the toilet, large as life, pressing the flusher button and just watching the water rise and recede like it was the most incredible thing he'd ever seen. He was dressed just the same as when she'd left him the night before, boots and neckerchief on, with his suspenders loose at the side of his thighs and his hat in his free hand. "This is amazin'!" he called out with a quick glance her way, completely at ease in the moment. "An' water comes out so easy, an' it's so clean. Can I drink this?" he pointed to the toilet as he looked to Allie. "Ew! No!" she cried, rushing down the hall towards the bathroom, ready to swat him away but stopping short just shy of the door. "Well, technically in a pinch you could but the clean drinking stuff comes out the faucet there." she took a few steps forward and entered the bathroom, pointing to the sink. Nodding at him encouragingly to try it out for himself. Arthur hadn't even thought to try the shiny silver arrangement over the sink, he'd been captivated by how modern John's worked, but he set to it straight away. Turning them on and off, chuckling to himself as the water came gushing out with little or no effort whatsoever, fresh as a natural spring. He could turn the damn things on with one finger too if he tried. No pumping, boiling or waiting required. Fresh, clean water in a second. "Amazin'!" "There's the shower too," Allie said, gesturing to the cubical in the far end of the large bathroom, next to a deep, spa bath. "You don't have to heat the water and fill the tub anymore, it comes out hot." she said. "You can try it later, if you want? I can get you some clean clothes and-" she stopped short, shocked at how naturally she was accepting the man's presence in her home. A wave of dizziness washed through her as her brain caught up to her mouth. Scrambling to make sense of all that was going on around her. How could he be real and standing there before her? She had to be losing her mind, there was no other explanation for it. Trouble by what his continued presence meant for her sanity, she bit her lip. There wasn't much she could do to figure out what was going on her head, sleeping clearly hadn't helped, but she hoped maybe some food would fix things, or at least clear the strange haze that was misting up her brain. "You hungry? Want some breakfast?" "I'm starvin'!" Arthur nodded eagerly, popping his hat on his head and pulling up his suspenders ready to attack the day. "Alright, c'mon then." she nodded towards the stairs and made a start down to where the dogs were already waiting and prancing around with excitement. Arthur followed behind, dodging the little cat that came rushing out of Allie's room and down the stairs in front of him. He was oddly feeling well rested, the bed he'd slept on was by far and away the most comfortable he'd ever been in. Even with his ability to sleep on a clothes line, the perfect mix of soft and firm beneath his weary body had him feeling like he was laying on a cloud and he was asleep in seconds. Leaving him not a moment to ponder exactly what was happening to him. He'd woken from a deep, restorative sleep in the warmth of the sun, uncertain of the exact time and afraid to move around too much, or step outside of the room for wondering about the etiquette of the modern world. Instead he lay on his back, looking up at the shadows of branches playing on the ceiling, trying to put everything that had happened to him into some kind of coherent order. He couldn't understand how it was possible to feel just as real lying there, in his strange new reality, as he had throughout the only life he'd ever known. His head felt strange whenever he considered how all that he'd been through in the past months had been witnessed and controlled by a stranger. There was an empty ache in his gut to consider how all he'd known didn't truly exist, how every face he'd ever seen belonged to a person who wasn't truly real. It was too much to get a handle on and he felt like his mind wouldn't bend acutely enough to push all the broken pieces into place. It made no sense that he could be there, a hundred and twenty years into a future that didn't seem to be a future version of the world he'd known. It made even less sense that his former life was still playing out on some weird machine while he lived on in another alternative world. He had no idea how he could be living life as some kind of puppet on one level, while seemingly living free on another. The concept made him ponder if he was free there at all, perhaps it was all just another layer of reality that wasn't reality at all. Everything he'd been through the past months and his entire life felt real, and full, true as could be, yet all that'd he'd taken for granted had been cast into doubt. His friendships, his experiences, good and bad, everything that had made him who he was and kept him grounded seemed to be adrift. He was so confused, but he knew only two things for sure - being there was a million times better than being dead, and there was no use in worrying about things he didn't know how to change. Hosea had taught him that time and time again, his mother too. He'd thought of her a lot that morning, remembering her face and her kindness. The love he missed so desperately throughout his thirty-six years. The words she'd speak whenever he was troubled as a boy, singing so clearly in his head so many years after he'd last heard her voice. 'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? He couldn't remember who in the bible had said the quote she loved so much, but it had stuck with him, although he wasn't sure anyone in biblical times had ever considered having their entire reality shattered in an instant. A part of him had truly hoped at some point he'd wake up and find it was all some wildly vivid whiskey induced dream, that he'd go tell Hosea about. They'd laugh, try to make sense of it. Maybe Dutch would over hear and go off on one of his rants about how the modern world would be a disaster for everyone involved. Then, just like that, everything would be back to how it was before it all unravelled. It was hurting his head trying to make sense of how much he'd lost and what'd he'd gained too. Hell, his head hurt all the worse when he plucked up the courage to leave the bedroom and explore his environment as much as he dared. From the way electricity flowed through everything, to how the house was so bright and clean and sparkly, it all made him dizzy. It felt like there was so much going on all at once when nothing was going on at all; dozens of things demanding his attention simultaneously. It was going to take him a hundred years to get used to being in that world and learning about everything in it, if he had that kind of time of course. Allie was blissfully unaware of Arthur's bewilderment as she lead him downstairs and back into the kitchen. Gesturing for him to sit down at the table while she set to work following her usual morning routine. Uncertain of himself or what else he should be doing, Arthur did as he was told, took off his satchel and sat, choosing the same chair as the night before. One that allowed him to see what she was doing in the kitchen area, while also being able to look out at the big backyard through the patio doors, which she opened up to let the animals outside. "Alright, I ain't much of a cook but..." she warned, heading to the kitchen to begin gathering utensils and cookware. "How hungry are you? 'Cause I could eat a scabby horse and a leg off the jockey." Arthur gave a scoff of laughter, she was amusing and he liked it. "I'll eat whatever you make." "Alright then, you're asking for trouble, mister." she teased warmly, sharing a smile with him as she set about turning on the stove and heating up a pan for some scrambled eggs. "You wanna try some cereal first? I don't think they had that in your time." "Sure." he agreed, having no idea what was a suitable breakfast in modern times, but feeling strangely willing to give anything a go. Feeling confident in having a task to work on, Allie moved back to the counter reached up to the cupboards above, grabbing out what cereal she had in. Her stretch caused her t-shirt to rise up a little and draw attention to her pert ass while exposing a small strip of lightly tanned skin across her lower back. Arthur felt himself flush warm at the sight, and turned his eyes away. He hadn't paid much mind to her clothes before, as form fitting as they were weren't revealing, yet couldn't remember ever seeing a woman's lower back like that in daylight before. Women were always so covered up in his time, butts bundled up under skirts and maybe a hint of cleavage if you were lucky. Looking on at her exposed skin and alluring curves made him feel awkward, and other things he didn't care to name. "We got Lucky Charms or Cheerios." she announced taking back his attention and shooing off his discomfort before it could take root. "They're both good but one is like a grown up, healthy cereal and the other is just sugary crap but tastes amazing." she held up the boxes for him to see and the confusion on his face said it all. "You can try both, see which you like." she tucked the boxes under her arms, grabbed a bottle of milk from the fridge and juggled it all over to the table in front of him. "You just pour some into a bowl and pour the milk on and eat it. It's simple and quick." "Alright." he nodded, watching as she rushed back to the kitchen and then bought over two bowls and a couple of spoons and placed them down in front of him before heading back to the shiny black surface which he guessed was a modern stove, based on the pan waiting there. Cautiously, he picked up the packs and began reading them, cartoon pictures and smiling kids looking back at him clear as day. "Things have come a long way, huh?" "They sure have." Allie said cheerfully, as the dogs ran back inside and began singing about getting their own breakfast. "Alright, alright!" she cried, attracting Arthur's attention again. He watched as she tried to navigate her way through the overexcited mutts and the small cat weaving in and out of her ankles all the way across the kitchen until she disappeared into the room she'd gone into the night before. Coming back out a moment or two later with two clear containers full of brown stuff, one box smaller than the other. He frowned, curious about what she was doing as put the boxes on the counter and scooped out a few helpings of dog crunchies into each bowl at the far side of the kitchen and then set about replacing the biscuits the cat had decided were no longer worthy of his attentions. "Eat up!" she told them all, but they didn't need telling. Arthur smiled to himself, he loved animals himself and he did enjoy it when he found someone who cared about them too. Most people in his time had seen them as tools for various jobs, or little more than food, but he'd always been fascinated by creatures, even as a boy. He thought to his own dog, Copper and considered for a moment how much had changed in terms of pet care. He'd survived on scraps from the chuck wagon, or a small portion of stew each day. Yet Allie's dogs and cat seemed to be eating their own food entirely, and wolfing it down. He wanted to ask questions but he guessed on the list of things that he needed to know, the complexities of modern pet food wasn't one of them. He looked back at the cereal boxes and frowned deeper. He'd never seen any food so colourful in his life as the stuff on the picture with the odd looking cartoon feller. He guess colour was never a bad thing and shrugged acceptingly, before carefully opening the box and pouring out some of the contents into a bowl. His eyes widening as creamy colour cereal was joined by brightly coloured pieces of what looked a little like candy. He put the box down and picked up a piece shaped like a rainbow. Squeezing it and then smelling it, turning it this way and that as he examined it, wondering how the hell they ever made such a thing. Suddenly he was aware of her eyes on him and he looked back over to the kitchen area, Allie was smirking and he felt like he was missing a joke. "It's nice, I promise. Tip some milk on and eat up." Arthur pulled an uncertain face, but did as told. Trusting the strange woman knew what she was talking about and had his best interests at heart, he did as instructed and shovelled a spoonful into his mouth. As soon as his taste buds caught the first wave his eyes widened. He'd never tasted anything like it, the tingling on his tongue, the sweetness, the explosion of excitement in his mouth. "Good, huh?" she grinned at him, amused by the stunned look on his face. He nodded and eagerly shovelled in another mouthful before he'd swallowed the first. Content that he was happy, Allie turned back to the stove and gave the eggs the attention they needed. Reaching over to turn the coffee maker on while Arthur munched happily along with the dogs. She shook her head softly, almost laughing to herself about the situation she was in. It was ridiculous, absolute madness, to be so at ease in the situation they were in, but she'd strangely not felt so content in a long time. Within a few minutes the hot food was ready and Allie plated up the eggs and some hot toast, bringing two plates to the table, putting it down in front of Arthur who was about to go in for a third bowl of kiddie cereal. "You want some coffee?" "You have that here?" She laughed, as she headed back to the kitchen area. "Of course, it's a hundred billion dollar industry these days." "Coffee? As in the bitter black stuff." "Oh my God, it's going to take me a week just to teach you about all the different types there are now. I bet you've never even had cream or sugar in it, right?" Arthur shook his head, feeling completely clueless and oddly vulnerable. "Oh you're in for a treat." she smiled and set about making him a cup. Arthur began working on the eggs in front of him, something familiar that tasted good and felt better going into his stomach. He smiled to himself, thinking that despite not really knowing where the hell he was, how he got there, or how long he'd be staying, at least he'd landed with someone nice. Someone who seemed to enjoy taking care of him, in a way he couldn't recall being taken care of before. Allie placed a cup of white coffee in front of him and sat down with her own. "You want anything else, salt, ketchup or-" she stopped short, realizing how silly it was to offer him something he'd never heard of. "Ketchup?" "It's like a sauce, made from tomatoes...people like to put it on pretty much everything." "Tahmatas?" he queried. "On everything?" she nodded and he blew out a huff of disbelief. "Guess I got a lot to learn." "You do." she nodded. "But we'll get there." Arthur liked the sound of that. Allie got up again and headed back to the kitchen, bringing over the sauce just in case he wanted to try it, then she sat down and made a start on eating. Struggling against the urge to smile at the way Arthur inhaled what was on his plate, as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. Washing it all down with a slurp of creamy sweet coffee which lit his eyes up with enjoyment. They sat together in silence for a few minutes, each in their own head. Reflecting on what had happened, what was happening and their next steps, as they enjoyed the hot food and drink, the comforting fullness that eased them into the morning and the new challenges ahead. "D'you think I'm....I'm stuck here?" Arthur asked out; the startled look on Allie's face made him back peddle. "I don't mean to sound rude but..." "It's okay, I understand." she gave him a half smile, reassuringly. "Honestly, I don't know. I don't know how you got here, I have no idea how to send you back into the game and if I did....considering how things ended..." "Yeah, a'course." He looked back on his last few weeks and it was clear that there was nothing left behind there for him. "I don't know this place but I know it was over for me where I was, and now I...I feel like maybe I got a second chance here? How that'll work I dunno, but I there's gotta be a point to this, right? Allie smiled at him softly, admiring his innate positivity. "You deserve a second chance, Arthur. Much more than most." He gave her a nervous smile, and shovelled the last bite of food in. "I don't know how we start figuring all this out though, the modern world is so complicated. You can't just appear and join society without questions," Arthur looked worried and it hurt her. "But we'll do it, even if it takes time, I know people who might be able to help us." "Will they know me too? From the game, I mean?" "Possibly, but we'll bullshit our way out of that." Arthur chuckled, he'd only known her a matter of hours but he liked her. She seemed like a confident person without any of the cockiness that usually came with it, and there was no doubt she wanted to help him out. "Alright, miss." he confirmed, but she cocked her eyebrow at him, a look that made him quiver in his loins. "Allie." he corrected with a gulp, and her expression turned into that gentle smile of hers. Before either could speak again the dogs began barking and made a rush out of the kitchen into the hallway. Allie looked at the clock on the wall and winced. "Shit! That'll be my cousin." Arthur looked panicked. "He's a good person, so don't worry." Giving him a reassuring smile she got up and hurried through into the hallway, where Henry -her housemate and cousin- was hanging up his coat. "Hey girl!" he chirped, making a start on toeing off his shoes, failing to notice how odd Allie looked. "Shit! That shift nearly killed me and I gotta go ba-" he stopped short and recoiled at the look on her face. "Damn girl....you okay?" "Erm....no. I'm a pretty fuckin' long way from okay." she said to him in hushed tones. "Oh God, what's happened?" he stepped over to her, ready to reach out and bring her into a hug. "Nothing serious. No one's dead or anything....well...they kinda are but...not." she dropped her shoulders with a sigh. "Oh shit, I don't even know." "What the hell is going on?" Henry worried, reaching out to touch her shoulder, silently offering what support he could without a clue what was troubling her. "There's someone in the kitchen, and...." she wasn't sure if she wanted to say what she needed to, beginning to feel like she didn't want the dream to end, but she couldn't live in a delusion, no matter how beautiful it was starting to feel. "...I need you to go see if you can see him too....because if you don't see him, I think you need to get me to a hospital as soon as possible, because something might be wrong in my brain." Henry scratched at the short dark curls on his head. His expression a perfect mix of deeply puzzled and worried beyond measure. "What are you on about?" "Just go look, please!" Henry shook his head softly in disbelief, but he didn't question her demands any further. She crossed her arms over her chest and began nibbling on her thumb, watching as her older cousin headed to the kitchen. Following cautiously behind slower, feeling almost scared to discover if she'd really lost all grasp on her own reality. "Dude!" Henry sang out. "Sweet cosplay, man!" Completely unaware of the magnitude of the situation he headed across to the kitchen area, making a start on getting a coffee, taking no issue with the visitor. "I got a tan jacket somewhere that'd work if you wanna borrow it..." Henry turned back and titled his head, his dark amber eyes scanning Arthur closely from across the room. "Nah, it'd probably be too small for ya, but you're killing it with the shirt and suspenders anyway. You've even got the neckerchief." he noted. "Cos-cos play?" Arthur frowned deeply at the handsome mixed race man who was clearly excited by something that completely escaped him personally. "What's cosplay?" "Oh my God! Say something else. You've got his voice down too." Henry laughed heartily. "Say 'sure' or 'there's my boah!'" Arthur turned to look at Allie, stricken expression on his face at the way Henry sounded just like he knew himself too. He didn't know if he should burst into tears or start throwing punches. It was clear he had no idea why Henry was mocking his voice, or how he even knew what he sounded like. "It's not a cosplay." Allie told nervously, leaning against the door for support as her heart exploded in her chest with a heady mix of excitement and fear. It wasn't a dream either, and she couldn't believe it. "Pfffft!" Henry waved his hand, coming over to the dining table where Arthur sat with a big cup of coffee in his hand. "'D'you look just like Arthur Morgan, my dude? Or, does he look like you?....Or!" Henry wagged his finger. "Are you....are the guy who played him? That's so cool! How did you mee-" Allie jumped in, afraid Arthur would be even more confused by her cousin's well meaning chatter. "No! He's....Look, Henry. He's....he really is Arthur...from the game." Henry looked at her blankly, blinked and looked back at Arthur. "Listen, it's not nice to play tricks on a man who's just done a sixteen hour shift in the ER and who's due back again in an hour, and has only come home to change clothes and main-line some black coffee." "It's not a trick." Allie's tone was as serious as the intense look on her face. "Alright, Al. Whatever you say. You got me. I'll get you back, after I've slept for about three weeks." with that Henry made a move for the door. "Nice to meet you, Arthur. I hope you get tickets to Comic Con, they'll love you there." with that he was gone. Arthur looked to Allie, a deep confusion on his face and a million questions swirling around his head. She sighed softly, and sat back down, fearing her legs could give out any moment. "So, either this is a group psychosis, or this is as real as can be." On that note a long silence grew between them, neither knew what to say as they each considered the fact that what was happening was indeed - very real, very confusing and absolutely not a dream. "Alright, so what now?" Arthur asked out, unable to keep silent any longer. Allie thought for a moment, and then gave a shrug. "Well, I guess, this means you're really here, so...we need to start catching you up on the last hundred and twenty years." Thanks for reading! Likes/reblogs, comments, kudos and all shows of love are hugely appreciated! :)

#Arthur Morgan #Red Dead Redeption #Wish Upon #Fan Fic Updates #OC: Allegra 'Allie' Devereaux

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