#<- HA. i wish. but still just in case lmaoooo

[lloydfrontera]

fellas is it gay to cross dimensional barriers in order to get to the person you were willing to sacrifice your life for and then arrive at his doorstep with tears on your face as you confess how much you've missed him??? asking for a friend

#tged #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #llojavi #kim suho #tged fanart #fanart #my art #tged spoilers #<- HA. i wish. but still just in case lmaoooo #the fact there's speckles of berkis' magic still clinging to javier in the illustration of ch 401 #means that either javier was transported directly in front of suho's door or that he ran so fast to get to him the magic didn't even get #the chance to dissipate before he arrived there. and considering we've seen how imprecise dimensional travel magic is in other arcs #i for one thing it was the second option <333 #and also i just don't care i like making little speckles of light to my art i think it looks funky :3

[ethtyn]

ll2 liveblog: etho's pov

love the way he just throws us into the action with "you have 24 hours to live, good luck," everybody scatters. you're so right king the rest of the rules are totally unnecessary <3

fucking. then he makes skizz explain the rules. girlboss behaviour tbh (LOVE that we get the boogeyman back !!!!!!)

"(keeping all of the moss) is what i wanted to do too, but i didn't want to get blamed for it, is pretty much what it boils down to" me as fuck. also, second of the three G's (gatekeep).

MARTYN ASKING WHAT THEIR IDEAL FINAL MEAL WOULD BE AND SKIZZ'S ACCIDENTAL PAUSE AFTER "MY WIFE"

pLEASE THERE'S SO MUCH MARTYN IN THIS EPISODE ALREADY. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF THEY DON'T TEAM

like. look at them.

PLEASE PEOPLE STILL THINK ETHO HAS A BOOGEYMAN TEXT DELAY 😭😭😭 aaaaand that makes all three Gs, LET'S HEAR IT FOR GASLIGHT.

i know it's like asking a fish to breathe normal air but Etho please i am trying to manifest a Martho (Etyn?) team up PLEASE stop making him think you're boogeying 😖😖

(i'm five minutes into the episode btw aren't u so glad i haven't been doing individual posts this whole time)

NAURRRRRR NOT SKIZZ ALREADY 😭😭😭 Grian's "i see the rules don't apply to you?" lmfao

BRO ANOTHER BOOGEY IN 7 MINUTES OF VIDEO? please. my heart

HELLO?????? SKIZZ AGAIN???????? SKIZZ STOP BEING ALONE I'M BEGGING YOU DUDE

WAIT i didn't even realize this breaks timmy's curse, at least for first green death of the server. n*ce

Scar with the fall damage 💀 ppl are dropping like flies LOL

bro the fact that Etho's stuck with Martyn this long. i am going to THROW UP. pleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASEPLEASEPLEASE...

"i'll give you some wood as a...as a reward" ayo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

it's actually really interesting seeing exactly how much video is being cut out. we're 11 minutes into the video but 30 minutes have already gone by in the session. i don't remember exactly but aren't sessions 2-3 hours? cutting that down to 44 minutes is fuckin impressive in that case actually

"okay so we've proven that none of us are the boogeyman right now" HAVE WE GRIAN?? because i heard Tango super unconvincingly say he wasn't and NO ONE ELSE.

"did you flinch? did that freak you out?" you little freak. i love you and am kissing you on the mouth

KCMXKFKD Grian buying Etho's loyalty with a diamond sword..."i will serve you however you wish"...GRITHO ENJOYERS WINNING

I'M CRYING i paused to write that last point and then IMMEDIATELY upon unpausing Grian's like "good, now kill Martyn 😈" and Etho's like. "actually? 🤔 Martyn wya 👀" STOP IT. STOP KILLING MY MARTHO DREAMS.

aaaaand they left him in the Nether. i hate it here OTL

i was so focused on Skizz whispering sweet nothings into Etho's ear (giving him a lovely compliment) that i didn't even notice Jimmy and Joel dying in lava until Martyn asked if it was a boogey kill LMFAO helpppp

WAIT STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP.

"CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REPLACED ME WITH A COW, ETHO"

"HE KEEPS ME COMPANY AT LEAST"

I HATE THEM.

"oh, so you're gonna make a boat with a new friend, hey Joel?" [Bdubs voice] ETHO STOP IT.

Jimmy's "sorry Rancher 🥺" after Joel kills the cow 🥴🥴🥴

wait where tf is the enchanter this season? did Grian finally get a clue and use spawn protection if they did a single enchanter again?

hello again Martyn 👀

"can i buy your silence about this spot." "i guess so. you got any diamonds?" "how 'bout wood, you want some wood?" Etho stop trying to give Martyn your wood 😩

oh RIP Cleo, they really are playing on hard mode from the first episode this season

Scarcledubs teamup? 👀👀👀

the way Etho looks at Bdubs after he says the breed stock comment. the dismissive "i'm not interested". i need to lie down (is already lying down)

THE WAY HE INSTANTLY TRIES TO YOINK BDUBS WHEN CLEO ASKS IF HE HAS ROOM ON HIS TEAM (she is so Tired lmaoooo)

I JUST REALIZED THERE'S NO REN THIS SEASON....DEVASTATING

i am so sorry 👇🏻

"do you wanna be our dad?" "...i don't think i could handle it."

👆🏻 sorry again.

this bit is going weirder places than i just took it tbqh

Etho confirmed not 43 (yet)

Pearl & BigB teamup??? also Pearl double-fisting diamond hoes on the serial killer server is objectively so funny

Etho sowing discord and distrust wherever he goes my beloved <3

HELLO AGAIN MARTYN...BELOVED...PLEASE STAY. look Etho is even setting up by himself... there's room for you too...

SKIZZ AGAIN I'M FUCKING LAUGHINGGGGGG (also RIP impulse)

"got me...got me excited" ETHO I AM BEGGING YOU.

Martyn accidentally killing their last cow with the fucking lava bucket 😭😭 you can tell he's genuinely sorry too JFNFJCKFKF

SOMEONE DROPPING A FUCKING LIT BLOCK OF TNT DOWN A HOLE AND PRAYING IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. no way that was a Martyn boogey attempt he's so much more calculated than that?????

it's so endearing to me that Etho's first instinct is to call people by a nickname out of their usernames (that isn't what everyone else calls them) unless they're a closer friend (Littlewood, Skizzle, etc). also RIP BigB (it was Martyn, turns out 😩)

this whole negotiation with Cleo. "Cleo let me steal your cows 🥺" "no." "🙄🙄🙄🙄 FIIIIIIIIINE" god the POUT. obsessed. also SO proud of him for getting over his fear of Cleo one attempt at stealing her cows at a time <3

i haven't watched Martyn's POV yet but if he fucking fell down one of Etho's holes to his death i am going to CACKLE WILDLY especially considering Etho made a comment about it TO HIM (i think) earlier in the session. "i've done this in every smp i've ever joined and people fall down them and get mad at me" LMAOOOOOOO

we got a "take care, bye-bye" 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖💖💖

#vonswayenthusiast.txt #🚦smp #limited life spoilers #vse liveblogs #liveblog: etho's ll2 pov

[jerzwriter]

I hope you're still taking asks for the generator thingy because I come bearing an armful of them:

7 and 10 for Trystan and Carolina

2, 8 for Tobias and Casey

And if it isn't too much 5, 9 for Zoe, Eli and Troy lmaoooo.

Mads - for you - anytime, anyhow! 😊 (Plus like we don't LOVE talking about our blorbos! lol) From this generator.

#7 for Trystan & Carolina

OK, not me dying because TRYSTAN. FOR REAL. How does one say drama queen in Drakovian? 😂😂😂 Oh, Trystan is about the drama. He's happy to bring it on purpose (like creating distractions), but he tends to bring it when it's not intentional too. Meanwhile, poor Carolina is like rolling her eyes in a corner. lol

Carolina will be a drama queen if required (again, to deflect) but in general, she's not too dramatic. That's allll Trystan's. lol

#10 for Trystan & Carolina

They're both New Yorkers... you better believe they do! lol Carolina honestly prefers walking, unless the weather is atrocious or it's really just too far (like her commute from the Bronx to Manhattan for work), she will walk. But she takes the subway, bus, taxis, Ubers, and she'll even rent a Citibike. Trystan, on the other hand, prefers driving (even in NYC traffic). But he'll walk or do all the others, too.

#2 for Tobias & Casey

HA! OK, since I did not have Ethank take the Chief position (he would have been miserable), he remained as Director of DT (which Casey was not yet qualified for). So right now, Tobias & Casey are still in Edenbrook on the DT, reporting to Ethan.

Ethan is one of their best friends, and he's even their daughter's godfather, but at work, it's professional—kind of. Tobias still busts his balls 24/7, and Ethan probably wants to poison him at least ten times a week. But when push comes to shove, they have a good work relationship when it counts. They will but heads. Tobias absolutely lets him know when he thinks he's wrong, but that's what Ethan wants. It's how they push each other toward excellence. In general, Tobias has gotten along with his bosses unless they're total assholes, in which case, he'd probably be moving on. (The man's loaded and talented, no need to tolerate that.)

Casey has a great working relationship with Ethan. She is sort of the envy of the Diagnostic Team (and most of Edenbrook, tbh) because she is the one person who can tell him to fuck himself three ways to Sunday when he's being an asshole, and he will just go, "OK," and stop. (Tobias will use this to his advantage when absolutely necessary! lol) Casey typically gets along with her bosses. She's as charming as Tobias is and not as much of an ass, so she can always make it work.

Both have good relationships with and are liked by most of their co-workers, at least at this stage of the game.

#8 Tobias x Casey

OK. Just bow to the masters because they are the king and queen of flirting. Casey is more subtle, for sure, and unlike Tobias, it's not her "go-to" mode. Tobias doesn't even realize he's flirting at times; it's kind of funny. lol Also, his flirting can sometimes be cheesy as fuck, but since he's handsome and charming, it always works. He could charm the paint off a wall. But Casey's flirting almost never fails.

Tobias lives in that mode; Casey used to do it a lot, not as much since she's with Tobias (but she still flirts with him all the time.)

#5 for Eli, Zoe, and Troy

OK, I think this is relatively low for all of them. Given the life they lead, they have to be ready to go at any moment, and sometimes, a normal sleep schedule just isn't going to happen. Their ideal amount of sleep in a night (if they could be granted a wish), Eli: 7 hours, Zoe: 8 hours, Troy: 10 hours. I think Eli and Zoe can get through a day pretty well if they don't sleep much, but Troy will ABSOLUTELY be looking for sneaking naps in all day. lol

#9 for Eli, Zoe, and Troy

HA! I'm dying. OK

Eli: Hell no. I mean, if Zoe begged, he might do it begrudgingly. Once. He wouldn't be terribly good at it. lol

Zoe: She would, probably does, and is quite good.

Troy: He would, probably does, and is quite good. lol

Thanks so much for the asks, Mads!

#ask generator #crimes of passion #open heart #wake the dead #all of them... lol #asks answered

[loving-villanelle]

Y'know what's getting to me over this whole "Jodie and/or Sandra feel this way about the show/finale/ending or Jodie and/or Sandra are complicit with the show/finale/ending because they said X Y Z" bullshit?!

I've 'said' and 'behaved' outwardly in particular ways as a closeted queer for over thirty years for a whole clusterfuck of reasons and I promise you that most of the time it has in NO way every really truly reflected how I ACTUALLY feel! And in fact I expect is why the majority of people in my real life probably still believe to this day that I'm straight.

Just because people may say or behave a particular way about a thing doesn't mean that's how they actually feel.

Now I'm in no way suggesting that the various things certain anons have suggested somehow prove this is indeed how Jodie and Sandra feel about the show isn't a possibility.

I'm just saying that people often say and do things to protect themselves - for personal reasons and professional reasons.

Frankly, how they feel about the ending - for better or worse - is entirely their own business.

And EVEN if they did think the ending and fate of their characters was absolutely perfection itself, I don't think that automatically equates to them somehow knowingly or intentionally being complicit or part of the BYG/homophobic narration going around (whether or not that is in fact accurate in itself - people can make bad writing and storytelling choices without INTENTIONALLY gunning for the gays! Sometimes it really is just ignorance or subconscious bias - not making excuses for it, not defending it, nor am I saying that wasn't the case at all and they were, I'm just trying to offer an explanation and playing devil's advocate).

I wish people would just back off Sandra and Jodie for how they may or may not feel about the ending. They're professional actors who I expect want to enjoy a career beyond Killing Eve, and so being seen to publicly bad mouth your past employers would not fare well with potential employers! Even with the best intentions it could be career suicide. I would never blame them for publicly keeping their cards to their chest over this because regardless of how they do feel about it, there will undoubtedly be backlash from one side or the other.

We'll probably never ever know the full truth behind how they feel and I'm totally fine with that.

It's THEIR business. Just like me being queer and how I deal with it is mine.

Right like I knew just from the pre-season interviews that whatever fresh hell Killing Eve was going to give us, it wasn't going to be good. I have spent 3 seasons watching Sandra and Jodie be excited and smiley and giggly while hyping up the forthcoming season. None of that was present in the s4 promotions. The only time we saw that side of them was when they did the game night with Josh Horowitz and got to spend some time not having to talk about the upcoming season. I've never heard Jodie say "mmmmm" so many times in my life. I've never heard Sandra sigh so many times in my life. I've never seen them both take such ridiculously long pauses before answering a question. And I've never seen them both cringe so much or make facial expressions that were anything but encouraging. I kept saying "Thank god for them because like...I'm genuinely prepared for the season to be shit now!" Lmaoooo the joke was on me, because I still wasn't prepared for just how absolutely trash it was! But I had already gotten that impression loud and clear from Jodie and Sandra before the season ever even began

I honestly never expected Jodie and/or Sandra to say much on the finale, no matter how it ended. My opinion on that hasn't changed just because it ended so much worse than we could've possibly imagined. I knew from the pre-season interviews how they felt. There wasn't much to expand on outside of that, especially when they can't speak openly about it. So I'm not surprised that we haven't heard anything from them, nor did I expect any different. Killing Eve is over. They have other projects. This was one show in their filmography of work. We may be stuck on it, but it doesn't mean they are or that they have any obligation to be. The only positive thing Jodie and Sandra EVER said about the finale is that they got to be together and they were really happy about that. There's really nothing else to be said, so they are moving on and I love that for them because really...they don't owe anymore of their time to a show that was never able to do them or the talent they brought to the table justice

#jodie comer #sandra oh #killing eve #ke

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

WARNING: talking about covid :') (not the impact it's had globally but the actual sickness itself)

Venting

I'm honestly so stressed bc I have covid and. It's just not going away so I keep having to call in sick to work. And I'm scared I'm gonna get into trouble bc I keep calling in but. I refuse. I fucking REFUSE to contribute to the spread of this shit. And besides, I need the rest to recover!!!! I deserve that!!!!

Thankfully I'm not feeling too terrible— had a mild sore throat for a few days, and some stuffiness/runny nose, but that's mostly gone and now it's largely extreme tiredness and a bad headache which honestly is pretty typical for me anyway —but I'm still fucking contagious, and who knows what might happen if I push myself. My job is really physical and I work in a cooler, meaning, I'm working in the fucking cold!! That won't help me at all!! Those factors combined basically make work the worst place for me to be rn

(And just as a disclaimer, pretty sure I'm having such a mild case bc I've had 4 shots of the vaccine now— and my dad has it and has 2 things against him to make him immunocompromised, and this has mostly been like a bad cold for him, he hasn't needed to go to the hospital. If you can but haven't gotten the vaccine yet, DO IT!!)

But I'm still so stressed about it. I wish I could just recover and test negative so I could go back to work, because it's constantly in the back of my mind that I might get in trouble for calling in sick every single day I'm scheduled to work for over a week, especially during Christmas, which is literally a blackout period for vacations— in other words, you aren't allowed to take vacation during this time of year. This stress is eating at me and I just wanna make it go away. Funnily enough, it's probably making it harder for me to get better 😅

And bc I'm a student, I only work 2 days a week during semesters, and legit this started the DAY after my first day back from this last semester, and my next one starts immediately after new year's, so I'm worried this looks like I'm trying to skip out on work when I otherwise would be doing like 40 hours but I'm really not!!!! I'm just trying to do the right thing 😭 a couple coworkers have long covid, others aren't vaccinated, we have some older people. But even without those factors, I wouldn't wanna go in and spread it around

idk I'm just. I'm very stressed and a tiny part of my mind has legitimately been worried I'll get fired over this. I seriously doubt I will bc it's almost impossible to get fired from my workplace (it's a joke that you have to try lmao) and bc of the good name I've built for myself there. I've been there almost 10 years now, they know I don't pull shit like this just for shits and giggles. But the worry is still there, you know?

Ughhhh I've gotta sleep so I can wake up at 5AM to call work and tell them I still have covid, then go back to sleep bc fuck that shit :')

Wish me luck when I have to get up in like 4 1/4 hours lmaoooo

#personal

[samsspambox]

heyyo sam :DDDD. for the weird questions for writers ask meme, may i ask questions 3, 16, 19, and/or 28? feel free to pick n choose among those and also i wish u a great day!!

hECK YEAH DUDE IMA ANSWER EVRYTHING KJSFKJBD

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

i get possessed by the giant spaghetti monster-- kidding, kidding! i guess it's cursed bc i just open a 200+ google doc? and i wait for it to load? its also cursed bc i usually get into the zone(tm) at around midnight/1am and its good bc yay writing but also some days i just wanna pass tf out and then bamn, i am compelled by the brainworm to stay up till 4am on a weekday. good in the summer, bad during the semester jkbsdkfbs

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

my laptop LMAOOOO. i was reading romeo and juliet for a class and instead of using a pen or leaving the book open my body pulled muscle memory on me and i closed the laptop on the book. see, i used to use my laptop as a folder back in hs and that just carried over

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

hm okay, i definitely started back in my freshman year of hs more for myself than anything. i also started out as an ' [y/n] x character ' writer bc fuck it, i really like them. i still read them from time to time. but it started as 'hey, this doesn't exist. i wanna write it'. i also tried getting into poetry like an edgy mf but im not that creative with words, i've always been better with numbers (tho recently this isn't the case lmaooo). my stuff definitely has a lot of domestic fluff because my ass has a sweet tooth for that type of stuff, ya know? it's only recently that i started shifting away from the y/n and to the 'let other characters interact with each other' genre. there are so many bumps in the road, but my biggest ones are being hella wordy and biting off more than i can chew. i want to be hella ambitious with what i write and i wanna write it all flowery and all that stuff but it doesn't happen. im still finding my style. its all rough around the edges rn (in my opinion) but i want to get better! :D i want to be able to write with a nice flow and with multiple characters, not just two.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

all of them are delightful!!! if i had to pick a favorite it has to be DAVIS tho. DAVIS has the potential to be absolutely unhinged but also positively restrained? also a big deus ex machina? bc they just rule everything :D i've always been fond of chaotic neutral/chaotic good characters!!! (little shits are my favorite, and in turn, i love reading soft parent/child fics or fics similar)

thank you for the ask!!! i hope you also have a great day (you ready for the owl house finale bc im not) skjbdkjb

#ask meme #zak asks #actualbird asks #sam answers #i swear i will get to writing eventually #let finals pass and my stressed induced hobbies will go down and i can go backkkk #ive been itching to write too im just never in the 'write' mindset (get it get it) #i think i wanna write an au dump first tho just to get the blood pumping #tho i am going out tmr and have to go to a place where I'll get bored maybe ill write then! #vyn au here i come #u know what other fucking bump in the road i've had? vyn fucking richter #another bump in the road tho?? vyn fucking richter #i know how to open him up not to put him back together kjbksjbdfk

[javierpena-inatacvest]

still on your 1k celebration (i hope i'm not late) i wanted to ask what are their biggest regrets and what's their favorite things about each other?

Hi non!! No absolutely not!! 😊

Biggest regrets:

Javi: How much his time he felt he wasted being in the DEA. He doesn't necessarily regret going to Colombia or what his job was, but when he looks back on it, he realizes how many years he wasted and how much he lost sight of the things in life that really were important to him.

Osita: Not feeling like she did enough to help Patrick/how things ended with him before he died. Even though she did everything she could, she still felt like she could have done more to help him, and there will always be a part of herself that blames what happened to him on her. Their last conversation before he passed was them getting into a huge fight, and there's nothing she wishes that she could do more than go back and changed what happened that night.

Favorite things about each other?

Javi: Her personality- She is unlike any other woman he's ever been with: She's goofy, sweet, independent and has the biggest heart, and the way she makes him feel because of it is his favorite thing in the world. He's never met anyone that makes him laugh like she does, anyone who's ever cared so deeply about him, anyone who wants to spend every moment with him because she just loves him for who he is 🥹

Osita: How thoughtful and caring he is- He is always going out of his way to show how much he appreciates her and to show her how much he loves her. She also loves how she can completely be herself around him, when that's never been the case with anyone else she's been with. He makes her feel like the most special woman in the world and she's so thankful for everything about him 😩 and how hot he is LMAOOOO

#Madeline's 1K Celebration

[fernweh-s]

I wonder if there a fan edit timeline of just homelander becoming more n more unhinged. I’d totally watch that as a recap when the next season drops

Have you ever seen American Gods / Preacher / Legion. If so what ya think of them.

Just knowing it’ll be be made gets me excited cuz it’s like a little treat for future me. Idk when it’ll drop so maybe it’ll slip my mind untill they announce it n then I get double the excitement like omfg I remember when they were talkin about it n now it’s dropping.

Well of course he would batman and the joker have always been two side of the same coin so they had to make him the overpowered cliche n Barbatos was definitely way cooler. The BWL has cool design but not a fan of his story just very predictable even the brain switching like such a cliche terrible writing all to snuff Barbatos 🙄

N making constructs he should be able to make n tapping I to that darker dimension just A1 writing.

Same with Red Death homie strapped him on the Batmobile like a hood ornament n obliterated him 😮‍💨

Doombreaker shouldn’t even been in the line up tbh so unnecessary. They shoulda gone with something else.

Omfg your the first person I’ve met/come across to have heard of it let alone read it. You seem to have good taste so now I’m extra excited to start it.

You laugh now but I’m so serious, everytime I see shark related things irl I be whispering to myself Chichimatul

Lmaoooo I'm willing to bet that there is definitely one out there somewhere. 😂

I've seen both American Gods and Preacher! I loved Preacher; I really liked all the characters. American Gods was another of those 'its just okay' for me at the start; I initially wasn't really v attached to the characters (besides Mad Sweeney lmao, he was an INSTANT favorite), then by seasons 2&3 I was more invested and tHEN THEY WENT AND CANCELLED THE SHOW.

Lmao exactly! I'll probably honestly forget too by the time it finally drops, so it'll def be a treat for future me also. 😂😂

Yeah; I liked BwL's design (although personally, I would have preferred if he had Bruce's actual body type instead of basically looking like the Joker cosplaying as Batman, like, he's just supposed to be a Jokerized Bruce Wayne, so why was he so skinny and lanky like Joker??—I whipped up a little 'how I'd have preferred he look' concept before:

all the main elements of BwL, just [what I consider], to feel more Batman-y, and less, 'Joker playing dress up as Batman', lmao) and even his concept was a cool one—a Batman driven to Joker levels of madness? Heck yeah, sign me up, but DC definitely took the idea and made him more than what he should have been imo. Esp, again, when Barbatos was RIGHT there, being so much cooler!! Also, yeah, the brain switching was sUCH bad writing, especially since we ended up with basically TWO BwLs after! Since we have the original, now running around as 'Darkest Knight' after the ol' brain-switcheroo, and then when we had Batman use the Black Lantern ring to raise an army, BwL's original body was among the people he reanimated, and, despite NO LONGER HAVING A BRAIN ANYMORE it??? was still basically BwL somehow??? That was when I was just fully DONE with the whole event and like 'okay this is ridiculous, please wrap it up already' lmao. Like it went from such a cool concept to just, okay this is dragging out and just bad writing now.

Yesssss!!! His 'dark constructs' were honestly SO cool!!! I really that wish we'd had stories more of him, instead of BwL taking center stage and Dawnbreaker and the other Dark Knights basically being reduced to like, his lackeys (which was so dumb imo, like they're ALL Batman(/batwoman, in The Drowned case), they should have been more equal. 😤😤

For real!! The Batman who became Red Death doing what he did to the Flash was absolutely brutal. (And the fact that Barry was still present afterwards and basically trapped in there with him, constantly trying to get Bruce to come to his senses 😭😭).

HE REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE!! Like, I get that they wanted a counterpart for everyone on the JL, but for Superman there really were SO many better choices to choose from who they could have combined with Batman!! I still maintain that a Cyborg Superman or a Metallo version would have been SO cool, but there're plenty others that would have been neat too: a Brainiac/Batman mash-up, or a Livewire or Silver Banshee one. Heck, even a version of Batman combined with Parasite would have worked and been cooler than what they gave us!

😆 I hope you enjoy it!!

Lmaooo. 😂😂

#mel answers;

[immobiliter]

alright spoilery thoughts below the cut!

okay so let me preface this by saying that i do think a lot of reworking of the og trilogy was needed. i'm personally not a fan of a lot of stuff in the trilogy and there were changes that they made in the first few episodes that i thought made sense. however by ep 6 it seemed to have gone completely off the rails lmaoooo. not to mention that my favourite part of the trilogy is the ending for alina & mal and i really hate that it was changed here. alina losing her powers in favour of a quiet life running an orphanage with mal is such a powerful thing after all they both go through, and now to suddenly hint at "dark" alina while packing mal off on a ship to play at being sturmhond is just. dumb. lazy. not a fan. assumedly it's a way to keep the actors involved provided that the show moves forward but still. bleh.

my other issue with the way they kept borrowing things from every single grishaverse book is the way it all felt very crammed in. the plot just kept going and going and it was as if they wanted to get as much in as possible in case the show gets cancelled after its second season. but that came at the expense of the characters, who in many cases were not allowed to breathe or have the development that they needed for some of the emotional beats to actually land. there were plenty of things i didn't care about because the plot simply didn't allow me room to care about them.

positives, though: kaz, nina, genya and david were the highlights, although i cannot believe that they have killed (?) david off without his bromance with nikolai. but genya and kaz really did kill this season and were the most watchable parts

the crows were wonderful, i can understand why they brought in aspects from the duology ( and a lot of stuff from crooked kingdom ), although i kinda wish the pekka rollins thing wasn't wrapped up after four episodes ( even though i'm assuming from pekka being in hellgate that it's Not Over Yet ). i'm still not sure how i feel about jesper and wylan already Knowing each other, but they were cute so there is that. kaz and inej were one of the strongest dynamics this season.

the show vastly overestimates how much i care about the darkling moping around in his dilapidated mansion. nor do i care about the unhinged tidemaker girl. i don't give a shit about either of them, thanks.

the fight scenes were so very camp and it was both funny and also kinda sad.

hahahahahaha nikolai okay. so my overall opinion is that he was Fine and if it was anyone other than nikolai that would be okay, but nikolai as a character is meant to be so much more than fine. he is meant to crackle with charisma and steal every scene that he is in and not just be the dashing privateer and boy prince, but a madman and an absolute pain in the ass for everyone around him, and i just ??? didn't get that ?? he did get better as the show went on but, aside from his scene in ketterdam in episode 1 ( that i did really like ), he really did blend into the background when he was sharing the screen with the likes of kaz and jesper and even tamar. i don't wholly blame the actor, i think it was also a combination of the show's breakneck pace with its plot and the writing, but i just found him bland in comparison to all of the other characters

i also still don't really know how to process what was going on with his family. vasily ????? like he's an idiot but why did they make him a full blown antagonist ?? also why wasn't he blonde like the lantsovs are meant to be ??? he was so cookie cutter it was ridiculous

whoever decided that nikolai and zoya should be kept apart for the entire season. i would just like to talk. zoya was so sidelined and even though i liked some of her stuff with nina it was kinda ridiculous seeing as she has such a key role in the og trilogy

and then don't even get me started on how it's not even the darkling who turns nikolai into a winged monster, and that he still hasn't transformed or become the king of scars by the end of s2. i don't like it. i also don't like that they kept the political marriage between nikolai and alina and followed it all the way through to nikolai's coronation.

but yeah. i probably have more thoughts but on the whole. i think i'm going book based lmao

#* / be yourself. everyone else is taken ( ooc. ) #sab spoilers / #shadow and bone spoilers /

[gud-soup]

Hey P, I love your Mahito slander 💀 why does everyone hate him so much 😂 If it’s alright, can I request more headcannons for him?

a/n: @dassmyname Lmaoooo 😂😂😂 I meannn… the reason is quite obvious!!! He’s a bitch!

No, well, in all seriousness it’s just because he’s an incredibly well written antagonist. He’s the essence of evil as a fact, and Gege made sure to ACTUALLY be so.

You might argue: well although he's an antagonist, it doesn't necessarily mean you should hate him. True, but not in this case. Most of the time antagonists have their reasons for their actions, which are more or less valid, but not this assh0le, he does it for fun!

I mean, he does have a philosophy, but it's just pure sadism, and suffering, like it almost seemed he reached an orgasm with it, god, even Sukuna showed some positive emotions!

Then again, it could be okay, because in the end, I also like horror/serial killer movies and I cheer for them (duh), but Jesus, NOT HIM!

Have you seen what he did to Junpei?? That poor soul just wanted someone to love him and Mahito knew it, and took advantage of it, and for what? Fun! Enjoying it doubly with Itadori's suffering and Sukuna's support.

But I think that the majority of people hate him for what happened in the manga (don't worry I won't spoil it), but just know that it broke everyone, especially Itadori in a million of pieces, but he being him, keeps blaming himself, just like he did when in the anime he unsuccesfully was trying to save people from the curses.

I guess that the way Akutami narrated the story made the readers more inclined to cheer for the "mc" and understand more his pain, it's quite tough to not support Yuuji and all the others, you know?

Lastly, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the fact that he's not even the main vilain bothers me, he's more of a sidekick, but he has the AUDACITY to be such a piece of shit.

Also, he’s ugly

Lmaooooo did I just write an essay about him?? I guess it was worth it, hope you understand my feelings ;)

JJK: MAHITO HEADCANON

(yeah, I don’t know either man)

➳ Masterlist

Mahito , who was extremely good at reading you and your deepest secrets and desires, at first sight, and slowly managed to earn your trust by saying sweet nothings, as his voice kept haunting your head making you less lucid then you should

Mahito who isn't bothered by saying out loud his awful and perverted thoughts, but you'd still stay there hyponotized by him and he knew it

Mahito, who will promise to make all your wishes come true, as long as you stay by his side

Mahito, who at first will act as you please, trying his best to earn your trust, by taking care of you, actively listening and giving his personal opinions, always with a smile and gentle tone, making you feel special and unique. Just you and him against this twisted, evil and corrupted world

Mahito, who will impress you with his vast literature and philosophical knowledge, and will ask for you opinion to start a debate

Mahito, who will entertain you by morphing his body into anything you'd like

Mahito, who once he'll get bored of you will start getting meaner and meaner saying the harshest words and physically hurt you just to entertain himself

Mahito, who after a while will just torture you and laugh at how miserable you look, reassuring you that is just the beginning, and after a while he'll throw you away and later come back giving a little present for "being a good company"

Mahito, who in the end will deform your soul and body just because he wanted to and will make fun of how you look, as you can't even process the pain

Mahito, who, despite all the bad things he caused, will oblige you to stay with him, as he is the only one to bring you back to your normal state

Mahito, who will eventually use you against people and sorcerers and will see you die in front of him as he hysterically laughs at your pitiful sight

Mahito who's an ugly bitch

Aaaand that's a wrap! Honestly I do not know whether this was alright, so let me know!

P.s. If you actually like him (I mean, LIKE LIKE him), seek help.

P.p.s. Though, Mahito female>>>>>>

-P.

#ask #jjk #jjk mahito #mahito #gojo #gojosatoru #jujutsukaisen #fushiguro #jjkxreader #jjk headcanons #jjk hcs #nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen toji #geto suguru #jjk choso #jujutsu kaisen nanami #choso #getou suguru #jujutsu kaisen gojo #toji fushiguro #sukuna #jjk sukuna #jjk smut #jjk imagines #jjk gojo #jjk nanami #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk anime #satoru gojo

[youngbugandtonystank]

And now anti Tony people are blaming him for letting Sam’s family being in financial trouble wtf the man is dead! Let him rest!

Yeah, I saw. 

They’re definitely going to keep doing that, gotta say, the MCU never failed with Tony's character, they created circumstances for him exactly just like Stan envisioned. The ‘love-to-hate’ trope is strong when it comes to him, this is what Stan wanted out of Tony Stark's relationship with his fans/audience. Thing is, the reality of the MCU superhero is that they’re all flawed. None of them are exempt from anything. Why Tony gets more hate than the others?

He’s the most popular character. There’s no discussion in this instance. Popular superheroes that first come to people’s minds are always Batman, Iron Man and Spider-Man. Tony Stark/Iron Man is a pop culture legend and the fact that RDJ got to portray him as great as he did, helped a lot. People are always going to circle back to the character who has more hype and audience. 

He’s the one with the money. The fact that Tony is swimming in money automatically makes him the target of the ‘eat the rich’ mentality. People fail to remember that other characters such as T’Challa (who has more money than Tony would ever wish to see and lives in the most technologically advanced country in the world), Shuri, Thor (a literal king with a kingdom), The Pym family, Danny Rand (he has a net worth of $5 billion and is one of the richest comic book characters of all time), etc exist. And we still haven’t seen the other Marvel characters (in the MCU) that are richer than Tony like Reed Richards, Professor X, Warren Worthington, Norman Osborn, Namor, Doctor Doom, etc. 

Even if some of us see RDJ as attractive and good looking, some people don’t. For them, RDJ is nothing compared to Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Sebastian Stan, etc. It’s easier to hate a character you don’t find attractive. And also the fact that they find those actors relatively younger than RDJ. 

It’s the most shippable character. This also means he must be in the way of some other ships. Even if this sounds unbelievable, many people don’t get their irrational hate for a character until it dawns on them that they only hate him because he either treated one half of their ship unfairly or because he’s in the way of that ship. The more reasons they can find to hate him, the more legitimate their senseless hatred seems in their minds.

People don’t call out characters like T’Challa or Shuri because they’re scared of being called ‘racist’. T’Challa is so rich that Howard Stark could only buy (just an assumption, it’s a possibility he stole the vibranium lmao) only a portion of vibranium to build Steve’s shield, and because is the world’s most indestructible material, his worth is approximately $10,000 a gram (Fantastic Four #607) and Wakanda's vaults hold 10,000 tons of the material (Doomwar #1) T’Challa is not a billionaire, he’s a trillionaire lmaoooo everyone else is a joke compared to him.

Even having all of this info, Tony and T’Challa owe nothing to anyone.

T’Challa helped Bucky because of his principles (Tony offered to do this at the beginning as well until of course, he found out he killed his parents) but because of that, that doesn't mean T’Challa owes Steve, Sam, Wanda, and Natasha money or housing assistance. He didn't give it to them at all and he doesn’t have to. 

James Rhodes: Well. You guys really look like crap. Must've been a rough couple of years.

Sam Wilson: Yeah, well, the hotels weren't exactly five star.

Wanna know why? Because T’Challa knows they’re adults and they make their own decisions. Sam chose to be on Steve’s side, Wanda did too, Natasha too, etc. Adults make decisions and they should deal with the consequences that come with that. Tony was not going to deal with their financial problems because they made a choice and it’s not his problem to deal with. Tony is not their father. People need to ask themselves why Sam was not in the ‘lift the hammer’ scene after the party, because he wasn’t familiar with them, he wasn’t friends with Tony, only with Steve. Besides that fact, they all fought Tony, hurt his best friend, and left him to deal with the rest in CW. They’re not family.

Sam Wilson: No, I'm not actually sorry. I'm just trying to sound tough. I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy. Steve Rogers: Be it ever so humble. Sam Wilson: You find a place in Brooklyn yet? Steve Rogers: I don't think I can afford a place in Brooklyn. Sam Wilson: Well, home is home, you know?

There’s absolutely no reason Steve can’t afford a place. He’s an adult, he has a good reputation, he worked for shield (why aren’t yall on Nick Fury’s ass if he had Steve and the others as employees? Fury set an entire place for Clint, why can’t he do it for the rest of them, he is the founder of the Avengers after all), and was pretty much capable of doing stuff for others. Tony provided them with a home while they were working together, he doesn’t need to concern himself with their personal problems because they’re not actual friends. Rhodey is his friend. Happy is his friend. Also consider the fact that maybe Sam didn’t want his help? 

And let’s also take into consideration that Tony is not only an Avenger, but Tony is also a businessman, an inventor, an engineer, has a company to keep an eye on, he is the one who finances the Avengers’ messes and other superhero messes too by co-owning the department of damage control, etc. He has other things to do. The rest of the Avengers are adults too, they should seek a job that could give them a future too, not just depend on Tony’s money. Tony had a family and he had to make sure they were covered after his death, this includes, Pepper (his wife, therefore she gets his stuff), Peter (his son, he left him EDITH, he’s basically set for life with that given the A.I. has access to the majority of his things including bank accounts), Morgan (his daughter; his responsibility), Happy and Rhodey (I’m sure we’ll see what he left them in Armor Wars). Why? They’re his actual family. 

If some of you know this and you’re still looking for reasons to put the blame on him, you’re failing to recognize you’re obsessed with hating Tony just for the sake of being right. Wouldn’t you like a life where you don’t have to constantly look for reasons to hate on a fictional character, better yet, a character you don’t like at all. Why the effort? You can love Tony and Sam at the same time, I promise you, this is not going to kill you. 

So please, instead of whining about Tony Stark all the time, why don’t yall just enjoy the fact that the show is showing you a vital and important event that happens in life while representing a part of Sam’s life to add to his emotional depth and character development? Especially because he’s a superhero and possibly the next Captain America, it’s good to see someone who is supposed to be a figure (superhero) whose actions or achievements are far greater than what people expect deal with normal things. They’re giving you a background; a solid storyline for his character. Let it be. Enjoy the shows yall, you can’t keep coming back to blame Tony for everything that happens after every single movie or Disney+ show, look for another metaphorical punching bag. The man is dead. 

#tony stark #sam wilson #captain america #iron man #marvel #mcu #peter parker #irondad #pepper potts #james rhodes #happy hogan #steve rogers #tfatws #spoilers

[natewynoou]

Yes!! Theloise’s ending felt super open-ended and unsatisfying, unlike Siena and Anthony’s (hereby referred to as Santhony), which had a very clean-cut ending. The only things Theloise and Santhony have in common is that both couples are non-book-endgame, and I guess you could say that both sets enjoy spending time with each other? Lmaoooo. There are just so many differences in their relationships and how the show portrays them.

Siena is based off the book character Maria Rosso, who has a smaller but similar part as Anthony’s mistress/lover, whereas Theo is an original character.

Theloise has their own music (two songs I believe that are used solely for them, one of which is named after them). Even if Theo is never to be seen again, you can’t deny that he was an important piece of Eloise’s story. Not every throwaway character gets their own background music sksksks

Santhony is a very transactional relationship. While Siena does appear to enjoy spending time with Anthony + care for him and vice versa, he’s still presumably paying for much of her lifestyle. That is why the performing arts was considered such a scandalous and immoral field for women during the regency time period- because most singers would have male “patrons” that they would sleep with in exchange for monetary/career support. There’s no reason to believe this isn’t the case for Santhony. Compare this with Theloise. Of course, Theo helps Eloise with her hunt for Whistledown, and they both consult the other on intellectual matters. But that’s not the only reason they spend time together- they enjoy the other’s company and have shared interests + values.

The introductions are so telling as well. The first we are shown of Santhony, they are having a steamy sort of scene. They most likely first met (however long before the show it was) with the same intentions. On the other hand we have Theloise. In less than 5 minutes, Theo manages to defuse Eloise and renders her completely speechless, which is an admirable feat indeed lmaooo. The show also establishes in their meeting scene that they have shared values and similar personalities.

Most of Santhony’s scenes consist of their, shall we say, physical attraction to the other. The show emphasizes their passion, which, while nice for the characters, is not usually a sign of a strong or long-lasting relationship. Most of Theloise’s scenes include them having intellectual conversations, working with each other to solve Lady Whistledown, and/or joking and sharing sweet moments. Quite appropriately for Eloise’s first crush, passion does not really factor into it, thankfully. Passion can easily fizzle, but a solid foundation of shared values + interests and genuine care for the other is what supports the relationship.

Santhony ends quite cleanly. Siena makes that wonderful speech, Anthony apologizes + accepts the breakup, she shuts the door, and that was that. By the end of the season Anthony is already expressing interest in finding a wife with seemingly very little heartbreak. Theloise, on the other hand, does not. Eloise is manipulated by LW/Pen to distance herself, and Theo misinterprets what she says. Theo is visibly upset and choked up as he wishes Eloise luck. And Eloise, for her part, cries, calls after him, loses it @ Pen- her oldest and dearest friend- and then cries some more. She won’t be the main next season, so I wouldn’t expect her to make any comments about future romances. However it’s still notable that she ends the season distraught over Theo.

Finally, this isn’t a part of the show, but it’s still significant, to me at least. I’m talking about the fan reception of each pair. While I don’t have a problem with Santhony shippers, it’s obviously not a very popular ship and that’s for a reason. However, Theloise has been shockingly well received. I may not be on TikTok, FB, or Twitter, but I am on Tumblr, Reddit, Insta, and AO3. And the response really surprised me. You simply don’t get hundreds of thousands of people rooting for a couple if they “have no chemistry” or “are doomed to fail” lol. While it may not make a difference it won’t hurt for Netflix/Shondaland to see how many views and how much support for the show are intertwined with Theloise. I kid you not, I’ve seen countless comments remarking on how unsatisfying their conclusion was and hoping to see Theo again, not to mention the show watchers who were shocked and disappointed that spritely Eloise is destined to marry the very bland flower-and-plant-obsessed Sir Phillip lolllll.

My point is, if you look at it from closer than 20 feet away, it’s hard to draw a strong connection between Theloise and Santhony- certainly not one that can definitively tell us what will happen in future seasons. Also, just as a general rule, attempting to determine the future of a TV show with very fickle and secretive writers/showrunners is not a great plan. 😆

Thanks for reading my vent-ask! I’m not usually this deranged over a TV show but I detest when people draw such false comparisons without bothering to put an effort in, and I had to add my two cents to the pot since Eloise has always been the best Bridgerton IMO :)

All I can say is ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

#eloise x theo #eloise bridgerton #theo sharpe #bridgerton season 2

[hurricaneonanesthesia]

Some tips on pulling for Genshin Impact Banners for Beginners

Hey hey! Admin Hurricane here, I’m feeling slightly better, so I decided to come back out of the void for a bit. I promise that I’ll bring some fics soon so stayed tuned! For now, have these, I hope it helps! :)

Although the game itself states that on any banner, you have a 0.6% chance of pulling for a 5 star on any banner, this is technically not true! 

The game has a secret “soft pity system” which makes it so that you’re guaranteed a 5 star within 90 pulls which is pretty cool cause most gacha games don’t have this smh

As seen above, these are the rates that data miners were able to pull out of the game. Yes, technically, it still says 0.6% but that's only for the first pull. As you continue to pull, if you look at the 76th-84th pull, it suddenly goes up from the 0.6 range and lower to a sudden 20%. So here’s what I recommend doing:

Do 10x pulls until you hit the 70 pull range.

Once you’ve gotten to 70 pulls, do single pulls from there, it’ll help maximize your chances of getting the character you want!

There’s always a 50/50 chance of getting the featured character or weapon on the limited banner, if you don’t get what’s shown up, your next guaranteed 5-star will be that character

If you’re F2P it’s more of a “get what you can”, rather than a “get all that you can” type of a scenario

Save up for an upcoming character that you’d like instead of pulling willy-nilly just in case you don’t have enough Intertwined fate.

DON’T make the mistake of pulling on the standard banner because you’re just as likely to get a 5-star weapon instead of a 5-star character I have experience lmaoooo

You can still get 5-star characters not featured on the limited banner, such as Diluc, Jean, Keqing, Qiqi, etc. and I mean, hey, if you don’t get the featured character that you want, you still have a really cool 5-star character :)

This isn’t necessary but if there’s an upcoming character, go farm for artifacts and materials! It’ll save you a LOT of time in the long run. Heck, get your higher AR friends to drop by and help you beat up a boss if you need to

I genuinely hope that this helps beginner Genshin players out! To be honest, I wish that I knew this at first because it would have saved me a lot of time and trouble. Please let me know if there’s something else you’d like to see added onto here! That’s all for now, Admin Hurricane out! 

Want more of my writing? Be sure to check out my masterlist :)

If you wanna request something, don’t be afraid to send something my way! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

Anesthesia and I have an official Discord server now! Please be sure to join! There you’ll receive notifications for fics when they’re published right away and be able to interact with us outside of the blog. You’ll also be able to rp and interact with characters from each different fandom that I have written for. Hope to see you there, don’t keep us waiting! https://discord.gg/fEPSkXa3fT 

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact tips #genshin impact tips for beginners #genshin 5-star #hurricanethedragon

[hermannsthumb]

established relationship prompt: "Newton, darling, would you be a dear and eat my arse?"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMANN!!! obvious maybe but not sfw below the cut lmaoooo. WHEW I managed to finish by midnight!

------------------

Birthdays have never really been the sort of thing Hermann has cared much about. Growing up, they were largely uneventful and unexciting, mostly ignored (if not outright forgotten) by his family, and in adulthood mostly ignored and forgotten by Hermann himself. After all, it’s become rather difficult to look forward to the passing of another year when the odds are growing exponentially higher humanity won’t live to see another, and equally difficult to celebrate the extension of one’s life when so many others have been lost. The very notion makes Hermann feel guilty. For those reasons Hermann has never marked his birthday down on a calendar in his time at the Shatterdome in any capacity, nor has he verbally acknowledged it to anyone. Certainly not to Newton.

It makes the hand-drawn card and small cake he finds on his desk the morning of June 9th all the more surprising. He does not need to read the card to know who the gifts are from. Newton’s distinctive handwriting and little crayon-doodled kaijus aside, Newton is quite obviously watching Hermann over his workbench for his reactions as Hermann inspects the cake. “How did you know?” Hermann finally says.

Newton feigns looking up at him in surprise. “Know what?” he says.

Hermann waves the card. “That it’s my,” he pauses, then continues, his mouth curling down with distaste at the word, “birthday?”

“Lucky guess,” Newton says. Hermann taps his finger impatiently on his cane, and Newton begins to tug off his work gloves with an eye roll. “Okay, I maaaaybe snooped through some of your employee records a little while back. But it was for totally valid reasons, dude. Relationship status, number one, birthday number two. How else was I gonna know all the important shit about you?”

“You could’ve asked,” Hermann says. He supposes this must’ve occurred right before Newton approached him in the laboratory a few months ago and asked him if he’d like to have sex. Hermann didn’t regret saying no at the time, and he still doesn’t, really, but he should’ve known Newton would be the…sentimental sort. Too affection-starved to let their convenient arrangement remain just that. At least he hasn’t thrown Hermann a party. “Besides. Did it ever occur to you I was keeping such things private for a reason?”

“You keep everything private,” Newton says. “I don’t even know your favorite color.”

“Most people don’t,” Hermann says.

“Yeah, but, you’re not—” Newton shakes his head, and lowers his voice, “—sleeping with most people. I mean, maybe you are, I don’t know, do whatever you want, man. I just mean—I want to know shit about you. Like your birthday. Since we’re—yeah.”

“I see.” Hermann sniffs. “Well. How terribly considerate of you.”

The sarcasm is unfortunately lost on Newton; he merely preens, and grins at Hermann, happy even to accept the smallest inkling of a compliment. “Yeah, I know. Anyway, what do you want to do tonight?”

Hermann expects he will do what he always does tonight, which is work late, eat dinner (usually cold by the time he clocks out) late, shower (also cold by the time he clocks out), and then go to bed. Though he supposes he’ll have to figure out what to do with the absurd little cake by then, as he doesn’t have a refrigerator in his bunk in which to store it. “Nothing much, I imagine,” he says.

“Really?” Newton says. “I was thinking we could wrap up early and head out somewhere fun for dinner. I was Googling cool places nearby that haven’t been, like, destroyed by kaiju yet. Or we could just get drinks. Or I also have drinks back in my room, and we could order pizza or something, so we don’t have to go out at all.”

“We?” Hermann says. Of course, Hermann ought to have known that sentimentality would also dictate he and Newton spend Hermann’s birthday together. All on account of a few, er, stress-relieving and completely emotionless liaisons every now and then. None of Hermann’s previous sexual partners (a rare handful, but existent nonetheless) have ever insisted on spending his birthday with him, and they’ve certainly never bought Hermann a card or cake, either. It would feel far too—well—intimate. What Hermann would only expect from a long-term partner. It’s really rather presumptuous of Newton to assume Hermann has any interest in celebrating with him. “Newton, really, it’s not—”

“Or we don’t have to have dinner at all,” Newton says quickly. “You could come over, and we can just…”

Do what they typically do when Hermann goes to Newton’s bunk, he expects. Hermann clears his throat. “You really have done quite enough for me already today,” he says. "I don't think—well—" He fidgets, scraping his cane across the floor, glancing back down at the cake and card. Newton has clearly handmade the cake as well: the frosting is colored a rather eye-searing shade of blue, layered on messily, and the Happy Birthday Hermann! written in yellow across it is cramped at the end, as if Newton did a poor job of space management. It is rather sweet of him. Hermann finds his heart softening just a bit towards his odd lab partner. "Oh, alright," he says, and Newton perks up happily. "But I'd rather not do anything too, er, fancy for dinner."

"Ha!" Newton says. "Awesome! Come over at six?"

Six means that Hermann will have to leave the laboratory no later than fifty-thirty if he wishes to shower and prepare himself for any sort of activity that may arise between them while they sit alone in Newton's bunk. Five-fifteen, if Hermann is being realistic, as he knows he will spend at least twenty minutes fussing over his appearance (wondering if he ought to shave away the few almost-clear pieces of stubble on his chin, smoothing back his hair, critically eyeing up his bony chest) as he always does upon the evenings when Newton invites him over. Hermann would like to protest and remind Newton that he does need to get some work done, but he really can't find it in himself, especially not when he knows Newton will put up a fuss and try to argue Hermann out of it anyway. "Six," Hermann agrees. He supposes he could use an early night in. Besides, it might be nice to treat his birthday as something special this year.

-------

Hermann arrives at Newton's bunk promptly at six. In lieu of dinner, which Hermann did not really expect they would be having, Newton (stripped down to a faded pair of boxer shorts and a white undershirt) leads Hermann over to his bed, sets his cane aside, lays him on his back, and begins to kiss him before either of them exchange a single word. It's rather more gently than Hermann is used to from Newton. Their liaisons are typically of the fast and rough sort, spurned on by fierce arguments and a need to outdo each other in everything, even sex. He can't say gentle doesn't feel nice. "What do you want to do?" Newton mumbles against his mouth.

"Do?" Hermann says. Are they not already doing something?

As Newton begins to kiss and stroke his fingers across Hermann's neck, Hermann finds his gaze wandering to the cinderblock ceiling of Newton's bunk. Everything feels rather nice and hazy. Newton's skin is warm and still slightly damp from a shower of his own, and each time Hermann inhales, he is nearly overwhelmed by the strong scent of Newton's body wash, unique, as far as Hermann knows, to only him on the Shatterdome base. Newton scorns the standard PPDC-issued kind, claiming that it irritates his skin, and so orders his own online once every few months. A funny little habit of his. Hermann is far less picky. "You're the birthday boy," Newton says. He flicks open Hermann's top button and nips at his collarbone. "Do you want to fuck me tonight? Or I could fuck you?" He speaks in short bursts, sentences stolen between pecks to Hermann's lips and punctuated by further nips to Hermann's throat. "I know we've only done it those ways a few times. But it's, like, a special occasion. And we have lots of time. I got new lube. Just in case. It got good reviews online?"

Hermann shivers pleasantly each time Newton says fuck. Newton's voice is far from sensual, Hermann must admit, but he is bold in voicing those sorts of desires in a way Hermann could never hope to be, and so it affects him as if Newton had purred the words. He secretly loves how crass Newton can be in bed—begging Hermann to fuck him harder, telling Hermann how much he loves fucking him, gripping at Hermann's hair and whining fuck, fuck, fuck while Hermann works his mouth over Newton as best he can. Hermann is not sure what he wants, and he's not sure what he wants from Newton tonight, either. "I don't know," he confesses. Newton kisses his mouth again, pressing his tongue in clumsily, and Hermann's eyelids flutter, the ceiling growing hazy. "Newton," he groans.

Newton's breaths are coming out in short, excited pants, and his fingers fumble over the next button on Hermann's shirt. Hermann suddenly feels foolish for changing into a fresh shirt and pair of slacks after his shower and not just his pajamas as Newton has. Foolish, and impatient with himself. It'll take Newton longer to strip him down to his bare skin.

"If you don't want to do all that I could just jerk us off a little," Newton says. He inches his hand down to the front of Hermann's slacks, rubbing against Hermann's zipper as clumsily as he'd kissed him. It's far too rough and graceless to be truly arousing, but it's Newton doing it to him, so Hermann pushes into his palm anyway. He feels Newton smile against his skin. "Or anything. Seriously. I wanna, like, make you feel good."

At once Hermann knows what he wants, and the need for it seizes him so tightly that he flushes brilliantly and bites down on his lip to keep from blurting it out and making a fool of himself. (It would hardly be healthy for Newton's already inflated ego if he knew just how badly Hermann wants him.) Newton has done it for him only two or three—well, three or four—times before, and each time has left Hermann an incoherent, trembling wreck upon the sheets. And no one does it to him the way Newton does; their arrangement is not technically monogamous, as that would require an admission of deeper feelings which neither of them are willing to make (and which are entirely nonexistent on Hermann's part), but Hermann has long since stopped seeking sex from anyone but Newton after a disappointing experience with a handsome j-tech who simply had no idea how to use his mouth effectively. Hermann likes to think Newton's is more skilled for the sheer fact that he never stops running it. "Newton," he says, falsely calm, stammering only slightly when Newton gropes at the length of his prick through his layers. "Newton, would you—would you be a dear, and eat my arse? Of course," he adds in a rush, "if it's too much trouble, don't—"

"Dude, of course," Newton says, smiling down so sweetly at Hermann that Hermann's heart twists in his chest. "No problem. I have the extra pillows in my closet, lemme get them." He slips to his feet, but hesitates. "Do you want to me finish—I mean, like, your shirt, and your pants, and—"

"I can do it," Hermann says.

Newton nods, and stumbles over to his closet to dig around for the spare pillows while Hermann makes fast work of his clothing. He finds himself strangely unwilling to part with his undershirt tonight. Not out of any lack of desire for Newton to see him naked, but rather out of a strange bashfulness at the idea of being fully on display for him. Which is really quite silly of Hermann. Newton has seen him naked countless times, both in his own bed and in the laboratory decontamination shower after some (Newton-induced) accident or another. It is only when Newton returns with the pillows that Hermann finally tosses the undershirt to the floor with the rest of his clothing. He's embarrassed to see his pink flush spreading down his bare chest, and hopes Newton does not notice it. What on Earth is wrong with him tonight? "You look hot," Newton says, sweeping his eyes up and down Hermann's body. He's still wearing his glasses. "Um. Pillows?"

"Yes," Hermann says.

Newton arranges the pillows in the way he and Hermann typically do when they engage in this particular activity, with enough support beneath Hermann's lower back, left hip, and left knee that he won't strain himself. As he parts Hermann's thighs and kneels between them, Hermann suddenly wishes that he was laying on his stomach instead. He does not want to watch Newton, nor does he want Newton to be able to watch him, for he feels twice as aroused and twice as overwhelmed tonight and he's sure neither will help that; the idea of falling apart under Newton's gaze is so tremendously mortifying that he almost asks Newton to turn him over. But then Newton is pressing a kiss to his inner thigh, and dragging his marvelous tongue across the sensitive skin there, behind Hermann's prick... "Oh, Newton," Hermann gasps, and Newton gently tucks Hermann's right leg over his shoulder, "oh, yes, Newton—"

He hides his whimpers behind his left hand as Newton licks and mouths at him hungrily, and fists his right hand in Newton's hair when Newton curls the tip of his tongue and begins to tease at him. "More," Hermann begs, breathless, pressing himself down on Newton's tongue to feel as much of it as he possibly can. His prick is stiff against his stomach. Newton laughs, and Hermann feels it vibrate within him. "Ah—more, please—"

"Uh-huh," Newton says. His glasses are fogging and crooked on his nose, and when he nods they slip down a centimeter. His tongue prods more insistently at Hermann, almost (but not quite) hard enough to breach into him, and Hermann bites down on his knuckles to contain another whimper. Newton hasn't even put a single bloody finger in him yet, and Hermann needs to calm himself down if he wishes to last until he does.

Then Newton sucks at him, moaning, and (his back arching, his eyelids fluttering) Hermann finds himself unable to hold off any longer. He squeezes his thighs on either side of Newton's head and cries out, "Newton—"

Newton swoops up to catch his release in his waiting mouth and swallows it all down. He presses a kiss to Hermann's inner thigh as Hermann trembles and shakes, and Hermann feels rather than hears him mumble something into his skin he can't quite make out. He follows it with another kiss, sweeter than the last, before crawling back up and dropping next to Hermann on the mattress. He watches Hermann catch his breath with soft eyes. "Please," Hermann says when he finds himself able. His voice is terrifically hoarse. "Let me—for you—" He gestures vaguely at the front of Newton's boxers and hopes Newton understands what he means.

But Newton shakes his head. "Nah," he says. "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it. I know how lazy you get after you finish."

Hermann feels as if he ought to be affronted, but Newton says it with such obvious affection, and strokes his fingers through Hermann's sweat-damp hair so soothingly Hermann can do nothing but lean in to his touch happily. And Newton is not wrong, really. Hermann's eyelids are already beginning to droop. He imagines he'll be dozing any minute now. Newton winds an arm around his shoulders and draws him closer, and Hermann nearly shivers from the warmth his body exudes. "Thank you," Hermann murmurs. He's about to lay his head on Newton's shoulder and allow himself to doze when he realizes he ought to ask for permission first. Newton may still wish to go out to the mess hall and eat dinner, after all, and he may not want Hermann hanging around here. "Er—I don't suppose you would consider letting me sleep here? Only for tonight."

"Of course, dude," Newton says. "Not just tonight, any time you want. Seriously. I'm kinda—well, nevermind." He presses a kiss to Hermann's temple, and Hermann does not find out what he kind of is. "Happy birthday."

"Mm," Hermann says, shutting his eyes.

Newton strokes his hair until he falls asleep.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #not sfw ///// #HAPPY BDAY HERMANNNNNN

[herohotline]

The students finding out Aizawa has a (very popular) hero husband?

A/N: SO... I used the quirk idea i have for an OC for the reader in this fic, since I’m not very creative with quirks. Still a reader insert, tho!! Also i kinda went OFF on this one lmaoooo

Reader’s Hero Name: Nebulous

Reader’s Quirk: Hallucination - Make one or more people see hallucinations, varying in detail and overall size based on how much he’s concentrating. The quirk is nullified if the person realizes what they’re seeing isn’t real.

———

If anyone were to guess what Aizawa’s opinion over the pro-hero Nebulous, they would probably assume it was a sour one. Whenever the hero tended to come up in conversation, Aizawa seemed to get irritated and tense- as if he despised the hero entirely. Personal, close friends, knew why he truly acted this way- but his students did not.

Right before Aizawa had come to class, the students were bustling with energy as usual. This time, it was over the fact that Pro-Hero Nebulous had gone undercover and stopped a human-trafficking ordeal taking place at an abandoned warehouse. Dozens of people were saved, and the fact that the organization had been revealed and busted, hundreds more would be saved as the day continued, all thanks to Nebulous and his quick thinking.

“Did you read the witness reports?” Uraraka chimes in to the conversation that the entire class seemed to be in, all of them sitting at their desks and turning their bodies in their chairs to be included. “Apparently a couple and some others saw the action!”

“Really?”

“That sounds so scary, though! Do you think they were seeing his quirk, even from that distance?”

“They had to! Some of the things that was reported was so bizarre-“

“Oh! Do you have a link to the reports?”

But just as Uraraka begins to bring her phone out of her bag, the door to the classroom slams open. The sound shocks a bunch of them as their heads snap forward, seeing Aizawa looking disheveled and grumpy in the doorway. But that’s nothing unusual.

In her shock, Uraraka drops her phone on the floor and it makes a sharp sound on the tile below before she quickly scrambles to pick it up. Aizawa just eyes her silently.

“You know phone’s aren’t allowed in class,” he says simply as he walks to the podium, placing a textbook on top with a sigh. “Put it away.”

“Y-yes, sorry Aizawa-sensei!”

After that, class silently begins as Aizawa talks about future plans for the class and training schedules. Most days, his class would be learning with at least one eager ear- but it’s not hard to notice he hardly has their attention at all today.

Needless to say, it irritates Aizawa greatly.

“Alright,” he slams the book he was reading from shut, the loud thud making his students jump again. His black eyes scan the room silently- their whispers and note passing has finally stopped, now that they notice how mad he is- until he finally puts his gaze on Midoriya. The one who’s been twitching the most this entire time. “Midoriya. Tell me what’s going on.”

Plus, the boy didn’t have it in him to lie. Especially not to Aizawa.

“M-me?!”

“Yes. Spit it out.”

Midoriya looks nervously around the room, swallowing thickly before he looks back to Aizawa. And then with a shaky breath, he let’s himself speak with a wince- as if he’s stepping right into a bear trap and he fully knows what will happen next.

“W-well, um, this morning there was a really cool undercover bust! Lots of people were saved, and it was... really cool.”

Aizawa squints. “I see.” Slowly, he leans his elbows on the podium as he stares at Midoriya. “Go on.”

The poor boy is practically vibrating from anxiety at his teacher’s cold stare. He has no idea why he’s harping on him like this, but Midoriya hates it. So much. “And the hero Nebulous was there, and uh- there were some eyewitnesses who saw his quirk. And he did a great job?”

There’s a chilling silence once Midoriya finishes- you could honestly cut the tension with a knife. But slowly, slowly, Aizawa leans back up, a frown etching deeply on his lips. “I see. That’s why you’re all so excited?”

The students nod.

“Mm...” The teacher grumbles, still offering nothing but silence until he finally speaks again. “Would you like to know more about the scene, then?”

They don’t know what to say. All of them look at each other nervously, feeling like maybe they shouldn’t know- but then Kaminari opens his big fat mouth. “Yes?”

It earns him multiple glares and harshly mouthed words.

“Alright, I’ll tell you what happened.” Aizawa walks over to his desk, letting the chair screech against the tile as he pulls it out and falls against it. “Pro-hero Nebulous has been working on this undercover case for a few weeks. He had been working on it with his agency, trying to find the best approach with the fewest casualties to confront this organization. But, he saw an opportunity arise. Without informing his agency or any back-up, he confronted the villains early this morning in their warehouse.” As he speaks, his voice is laced with a heavy, angry tone. His words are clipped and chilly as he crosses his arms and looks toward the class. “Can anyone tell me why that was such a god-awful idea?”

Momo slowly raises her hand, and she tries her best to speak evenly when Aizawa gives her permission to speak. But she was truly as nervous as everyone else, especially now that the teacher’s attention was all on her. “...Nebulous had gone solo into, assumingly, their base of operations. He most likely didn’t know the entire warehouse as well as the enemy, and his only advantage was a surprise attack. But the villains had numbers, weapons, and hostages on their side.”

“Perfect, Momo.” Aizawa grins- but it’s not a happy one. “As Momo has said, Nebulous made a very impulsive, stupid decision that could have gone sideways in an instant. This is a mistake that one of you could easily make-“ hey, ouch, “But for a pro-hero to make such a mistake is unacceptable. Does that sound right?”

The entire class agrees with a “Yes, Aizawa-sensei!” Much too terrified to disagree with him, if they even had the guts to.

“I will also tell you that Nebulous did not escape the ordeal unharmed. He is being held at the hospital being treated for a concussion and three gunshots.”

This was obviously news to the class as they look at each other with surprised glances, a few gasps being made. Uraraka softly speaks up, concern in her tone, “is he going to be okay?”

Surprisingly, Aizawa’s face softens, at least a little bit. He nods once, a heavy sigh leaving his body. “He’s a hero, so he's getting the best treatment he can. It is not the worst thing that could have happened, obviously, and more terrible things have happened, but there are more factors to put in place from his idiocy.” The teacher frowns again. “There are consequences for being stubborn and impulsive. There’s the financial side of things like hospital bills, there’s the people worrying about him such as fans and family, and the fact that he’ll most likely get laid off from his agency if things like this continue.”

He’s being unusually harsh, especially towards a random pro-hero, that much is made clear to the class. But perhaps he’s just trying to teach them something? Apparently so, because the next thing he has to say is, “so while Nebulous did his heroic duty... do not idolize him for making such amateur mistakes. Learn from it instead. Class dismissed.”

And the class left home room feeling confused and a little bit scared.

———

Rumors have started to spread ever since that day about Pro-Hero Nebulous and Eraserhead. After it left the classroom, more and more interesting theories came into bloom around the school. Were they archenemies? Did Nebulous do something to Eraserhead? Or were they secretly in love but can’t confess because it’s too complicated?!

The rumors could possibly be the death of Aizawa, and he makes sure to punish his class for starting them by making them train non-stop for an entire day. He supposes he did get a little heated, but at least he put it into some sort of lesson for them to learn from. But no one learned anything- they just tried to sneak into his private life instead. Which he was very adamant on keeping private.

And you, his lovely, stupid husband, respected Aizawa’s wish for privacy. You had since the very beginning- it’s why so few people knew you were married. It was hidden for the sake of Aizawa’s peace of mind and comfort, and he appreciated you greatly for it. 

But after being married for a few years and the tense fight you had over your most recent scuffle, apparently you were done being patient with him. Especially after you had heard about the rumors flirting about the school he worked in. 

———

You didn’t tell him what you were planning. Things were still a little silent in the house you shared that morning as you got ready for an interview with the press- the two of you kissed goodbyes, but that was about it. Of course, you understood your husbands worry over you, but enough was enough. 

Entering the building you were being interviewed at, you searched for the perfect opportunity. For Aizawa’s sake, you wore your rings of promise around your necks instead of your hands, safely hidden. But today you wore it proudly on your finger- but you hadn’t let the camera see it yet. 

Then your opportunity came. The girl interviewing you was young and sweet, her face dolled up for the camera with a pretty smile. But her face grew worried as she entered the next segment the casters had planned- “are you willing to talk about the recent trafficking bust?” 

You smile at her easily, crossing your legs and nodding. “Yes, I knew it was coming eventually.” 

You put your hands atop your knee- your ring now visible, but no one had taken notice yet. 

“Well, I can safely say we were all worried when we learned about your injuries. Have you healed up fully, or do you have any permanent damage that might affect your future work?” 

“Ah, right,” you laugh from your nose and squint your eyes. “Yeah, I’ll admit, it definitely hurt afterwards. My husband gave me an earful about it, I assure you, but I’ve fully healed up and should be ready to get back to work in a few days.”

“Oh, of course!” The reporter nods her head- and then there’s a shocked silence as her eyes grow wide. You can tell from one of the TVs in the room that the camera’s have zoomed in on you and your wide grin. “Did- you have a husband?” 

Your grin grows wider as you nod. “Yes, I do. We’ve been married for a few years- I’m a little shocked that no one’s caught us yet, but Eraserhead is really good at keeping things hidden.” 

Her eyes widen even more. “E-Eraserhead?!” 

Chuckling deeply, you look at her in mock surprise. “Oh, oops.” And then you look directly into the camera, giving it a wink. 

“I- I mean,” the poor interviewer looks at a loss for words as she sits still across from you. She looks at the cameramen, who just shrug at her. “This is... big news. I mean- married?” 

“Yeah... Wanna see my ring?” 

The interview has possibly the most viewers that the channel has had in over a century, and boy do you feel amazing. 

———

The unfortunate thing for Aizawa is that since the students were so worried over your wellbeing, he decided to have them watch the liveshow in class as it aired. 

Of course he noticed when you crossed your legs- of course he noticed the ring on your finger. You’ve been hiding your relationship from the public for so long, it was impossible for him not to. And a deep feeling of dread filled him once he remembered the look you gave him before you left the house this morning. 

You were planning something. And he wasn’t going to like it. 

“Well, I can safely say we were all worried when we learned about your injuries. Have you healed up fully, or do you have any permanent damage that might affect your future work?”

The students- the ones who cared, at least- had sat forward in their seats once the reporter asked this question. Surprisingly, you just smiled and laughed- your left hand twitching, but no one else noticed that but Aizawa. 

“Yeah, I’ll admit, it definitely hurt afterwards. My husband gave me an earful about it, I assure you, but I’ve fully healed up and should be ready to get back to work in a few days.”

This is when it started getting bad. 

Unlike the reporter, the girls in his class- along with Midoriya- noticed your little ‘slip-up’ right away. Jirou had reached out and grasped Momo’s hand in shock, which in a way was cute, but Aizawa was too busy wondering if he could stop you from what you were about to do if he jumped out the window right now and was just really, really fast.

“Did- you have a husband?” 

“Oh my God, is this really happening,” Ashido holds her face in her hands as she stares at the screen. 

“Who is it?!” 

“Yes, I do. We’ve been married for a few years- I’m a little shocked that no one’s caught us yet, but Eraserhead is really good at keeping things hidden.”

Ah, there it is. 

The whole class, as if on cue, starts yelling loudly and staring at their teacher who’s literally sitting dumbly in his chair, hands stuffed in his pockets and face halfway stuffed in his scarf. He hisses long and low as he stares at the screen in front of the class- looks at you and your stupid fucking grin. 

“Aizawa-sensei, is he joking?!”

“Aizawa-sensei, let me see your ring!”

“Aizawa-sensei?!”

This is the worst day in history. This is the worst. Aizawa quickly stands up, shutting the TV off. His students are still screaming, some of them getting out of their seats, and the hero is just... he’s done. 

“Alright. Class is over for the rest of time. Goodbye.” And then he opens the window next to his desk- the quickest escape route. He hears Midoriya yell at him that this isn’t the first floor, but Aizawa knows that. He just doesn’t care. Using his scarf, he lunges out the window without a care.

He heads straight home, where he knows you know he’ll be waiting for you. And oh boy, once you get home? You are not going to hear the end of it for a long, long time. 

#HEHEHABHAHAEEGH #no matter how many times i wrote this it always had a crack ending #my bad lmao #i love hgim.... #aizawa #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #eraserhead #eraserhead x reader #shouta x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha x you #mha #mha x reader #mha x you #boku no hero #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #imagines #imagine

[straycat-writes]

*ring ring* “hello?” “We have your boyfriend.” “You managed to capture Dazai?!” Yes, and if you don-“ “is he hurt?” “No, but-“ “Waitwaitwait. Are you keeping him unconscious? Sedated?” “No. We’ve got him locked up. Now-“ “Pfffffff HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA” “Wha? Hey, what’s the big idea?!” “Heheh. *sigh* Good luck, idiots.” *click*

[Lmaoooo im not sure if this was even supposed to be a prompt, but it’s so hilarious and I can’t not write something for this xD]

tuesday afternoons (dazai osamu)

For a Tuesday afternoon, it was awfully quiet in Armed Detective Agency’s office. The only sounds to be heard came from the clicking of keyboard keys, rustling of files, and occasional grumbling from Kunikida. There was also Ranpo snoring lightly somewhere in the background, but that just served as backdrop static at this point. You suppressed a yawn.

The only reason there is relative peace in the office is because Dazai isn’t here, you thought. You hadn’t seen him since last night, but he kept disappearing at odd times throughout the week, so there was nothing too unusual about that. Still, you found yourself wishing for his company, because it was a dull day for work and you were bored out of your mind.

Just then, the telephone rang, and Kunikida grumbled a little louder, “(Y/n), can you get that, please? I have my hands full.”

“Yeah, sure.” You said, getting up from where you were lounging on the couch. Anything to get away from this boredom.

In two quick steps, you bounded over to the phone and picked it up, “Hello, Armed Detective Agency offices.”

“Am I speaking to (y/n) (l/n)?”

The voice on the other end was deep and a bit raspy, and you frowned at their unusual tone, “You are, as a matter of fact. How can I help you?”

“We have your boyfriend.”

You paused for a second, “Dazai? What do you mean you ‘have’ him?”

“It means we’ve captured him, what else?” the voice scoffed.

“Is he hurt?”

“No. For the time being.” The person replied, calmly confident, “Now, if you want him ba – “

You snorted, “Boy, I sure do hope you’ve restrained him adequately.”

It was silent on the other end for a while. Whoever it was had clearly not been expecting you to say this of all things. “Y-yes, of course, we’ve got him tightly handcuffed. Now, shut up and listen carefully. If you – hey, what the fuck is so funny!?”

By now, you were shaking so hard with laughter that you were just about to fall off your chair. The person on the other end kept shouting threats, trying to get you to stop laughing long enough to pay attention to him. You wiped a couple of tears from the corner of your eye.

“Ah, man.” You finally managed to say, still fighting with vestiges of laughter. Putting the receiver back to your ear, you sighed, “It really isn’t your day, is it?.”

“….What? What is wrong with you!? I’m being serious, this man is going to die if – “

“I’m being serious too, shithead.” You said severely, straightening yourself into sitting position, “So, listen up. You don’t have Dazai. He has you. I don’t know how you were stupid enough to go after him of all people, but good luck, morons.”

With that, you slammed the receiver down, and let out a long, drawn out sigh. Kunikida glanced up at you from his desk.

“What was that all about?”

You waved a hand dismissively, “Dazai got kidnapped again.”

“On a Tuesday?”

You snorted, “Exactly. It’s really isn’t these guys’ day, and I said as much to them.”

Tuesdays were mushroom days for Dazai, and hell for everyone else.

“Whatever.” Kunikda muttered, going back to typing, “I just hope he’s back by 4, we have a case to look into.”

“Don’t worry.” You said in a bored tone, stalking back to the couch and sprawling yourself on it once more, “We have a lunch date before that. He’s not going to miss it.”

#dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bsd x reader #bungiu stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #imagines #drabble