#... my label as well. There's just something heartbreaking about how she's more likely to accept me...

[stargazerlillian]

Dreamt last night that my mother bought me a pride flag for me to hang on my wall... took me 10 straight minutes after waking up to remember that I tried to come out/explain my orientation to her twice over 8 years ago and she didn't believe me.💔

#Blooming where I'm planted #Don't get me wrong - in many aspects she's a wonderful and loving mother. She was able to accept my gay nephew... #... when he came out and when he married his husband. I just wish she'd TRY to understand/respect... #... my label as well. There's just something heartbreaking about how she's more likely to accept me... #... if I were homosexual or bisexual than if I were this “secret third thing”. #Needless to say I have not tried to come out to her again since then. And I'm not going to try... #... with anyone else in my immediate family either. I'm just too afraid. #Staying in the closet sucks but it's for my emotional well-being so what can ya do?🤷‍♀️ #At least I have my IRL BFF - who's the same orientation as me - and a few online mutuals who understand.💗

[mirokata]

Seeing Isaac’s experiences with being aroace got me tearing up after Heartstopper… I relate to the isolating feeling so well.

The confusion with not relating to others in the room when people talk about crushes and romance.

The feeling of a weight being lifted upon discovering the aromantic label (and later on asexual, for me).

I feel so happy to see that expressed, even though a part of me wishes there could’ve been even more.

And I’m tearing up because I was watching the entire series with my mom and yet… she doesn’t seem to get it. I’m grateful that she’s willing to enjoy the show with me but her comments are just so conservative.

And the way she shrugs off all my mentions of aromantic/asexual identity and the times I pointed out how I related to Isaac’s experience was heartbreaking. It’s sent me spiralling back into wondering why I care so much about telling her anyway. Especially since she forgets what aro and ace mean every single time I bring it up. I’ve even made her watch Jaiden animation’s video on being aroace. Twice. (iykyk)

It’s alright to forget, but at least ask, you know? Don’t wait till I ask “Do you remember what aroace means?” Only to shake your head in “No”. Only to say that I’m just being young. Only to forget about it all over again.

Her words as my mother gets to me and every time I reflect on my identity I feel insecure. Invalid.

And now I try to bring it up again with Heartstopper so clearly putting out the aromantic & asexual experience on a plate for the world to see.

Yes, I don’t owe her coming out. But I want to, because being aroace is a big part of my identity and I just wish I could talk to her about this part of me. But it’s difficult when the comments I hear from her are precisely the type of conservative comments people don’t want to hear while we’re LITERALLY WATCHING HEARTSTOPPER.

“She’s trans but like, isn’t she still a man? Just dressing like a girl?”

“How could Nick know that he likes girls if he’s never liked any?”

“Darcy is dressing like a lesbian, of course her mom can’t take it” (imo, being any queer identity shouldn’t even have ‘a look’ in the first place…)

+ completely ignoring the aroace parts to talk about something else while I’m so clearly trying to highlight it

I want to understand what’s so difficult to accept that being queer is valid.

#SORRY THAT WAS A REALLY LONG RANT #omg and I’m demiflux too #if she can barely even accept that being trans is valid how is she going to take demiflux #she also asked where they all got the queer genes if they’re parents are straight #well I don’t know but your daughter is very far from straight so clearly straight genes don’t exist either #I feel like I care too much but I can’t just not care so much #she also can’t seem to understand why Nick and Charlie want to come out so bad #it’s just sufferable to have to hide a part of you all the time #heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #netflix #aroace #aromantic #asexual #queer #lgbtqia+ #queerdiary #queer rant #rant post #heartstopper s2 #heartstopper tv #aspec

[missmarymaywindsor]

I hope you can answer this question I will ask you. What kind of mother was Queen Mary (Mary teck) to her children?

Everyone says she's a cold, bad mother. When her youngest son, Jony, died, I wonder how she came to accept his death. I wonder if she fell into depression. When a mother loses her child, it's so hard to deal with this indescribable pain How did Mary deal with it, then her son George, Duke of the city, and later his son George VI (Duke Albert of York), who became king.

With thank you my dear friend @collarsncrowns for helping me answer this! ♥️

Apologies for your wait in my answering! Hard to believe maybe but I’ve only recently discovered where my askbox is 🙈

The misconceptions are especially evident with Prince John, who according to Churchill’s book as well as other books like Richard Dent’s “The Life of King George V”, Prince John was adored by much of his family including his parents and the King and Queen were not embarrassed by him at all. He was not often in public in an official capacity due to both health reasons and stigmas related to epilepsy at the time. Nevertheless, John absolutely spent time in public throughout his life, albeit in a more “unofficial” sense: he went on outings with friends and family, such as going to sweet shops and (as seen in the above photograph) visiting the London Zoo. In a nutshell, his parents adored him. With all that said though regarding the children, it should be noted that during that time period aristocratic and royal parents often left most of the actual “parenting” to nannies. This is true in the case of Queen Mary as well, but it is noted in Alexandra Churchill’s book that Mary and George did spend more time with their children than most upper class parents tended to during that period.

In regards to John’s death and the Queen’s feelings, it is clear she was extremely saddened. Before she found out he died, she had been writing a letter to Bertie, but when she came back and went to finish the letter after learning of son’s death and visiting him, she could scarcely write much more. She also wrote in her diary something like “am heartbroken” and “miss the child very much indeed”. Before John’s funeral preparations, the King and Queen returned to Wood Farm to sit with their late son at his bedside again, and after the funeral they revisited his grave again just one day later. May saved a lock of Johnnie’s hair and had some of his flowers pressed. She also saved some of his things for his siblings and gave his books to his best friend…the books had the note “in memory of our dear little prince”. George and Mary spent the next several days answering condolence letters and they were in mourning for the next couple months. So although it is not certain if Mary experienced depression, the loss was no doubt devastating.

As for her son George, I am not sure what her reaction was but they were extremely close and she was no doubt heartbroken. In her photo album, shortly after his death, she labeled a recent photo of him with an extra endearment…I think it was “my precious Georgie”. As for Bertie, I know she wasn’t able to attend the funeral but she watched the procession from her window. I believe the story goes that the only time she spoke during the viewing was whispering “there he is”, which at least in my opinion is incredibly sad. Other than that I know she did make a comment how she had lost three sons without being able to properly say goodbye, which is heartbreaking. Again, I am not sure about depression and how Queen Mary coped with the last two sons, but if I were to guess she probably threw herself into her work: WWII at the time of her son George’s death and helping her granddaughter Elizabeth II navigate her new role after the death of Bertie

Hope this helps! ♥️

#ask me anything #brf #british royal family #queen mary #george v #mary of teck #may of teck #queen mary of teck

[jennycalendar]

so i watched prophecy girl recently and i HAVE to say -- once again i am left with so many buffy and giles thoughts! this was indisputably their season, and i think viewing it through that lens has actually added such a special and incredible layer to the whole thing, but i was also FUNDAMENTALLY HEARTBROKEN and here is why.

the intimacy between buffy and giles has been something that’s been building since the very first episode. i really feel like a lot of the metaphor this season when it comes to buffy and giles is about the process of realizing that your teenager is not actually just a mindless automaton, and that your goals for your kid are not going to always line up with what your kid wants to do with their life. we’re introduced to him handing her a manual and saying let’s go, i’ve got this, take my hand and i will walk you through it and her pretty much responding with fuck you, asshole, you don’t know what it’s like for me. i think it is really fitting and also really heartbreaking that that’s the note we END the season on as well.

because this is, i think, the only situation we see in the show where giles tries to treat buffy like a little kid instead of the one and only vampire slayer! and the episode itself reveals WHY giles never does this again! it’s a full-on role reversal: giles spent the first episode demanding that buffy face and accept her calling, and now he’s spending this season’s last episode refusing to let buffy face and accept her calling. meanwhile, buffy spent the first episode squaring up with giles in an effort to get him to leave her alone, and the season finale is about her squaring up with giles in an effort to get him to...well, leave her alone.

all of this highlights the essential ways that both of them have developed. spending time with buffy, watching her try and fail to be a kid when her slayer duties always end up taking priority, seeing how desperately she wants to be a little girl and how keenly she feels the loss of her childhood innocence, has made giles grow beyond his clinical role as a watcher. he’s come to understand that buffy does deserve better than dying at sixteen, that he doesn’t want buffy to die at sixteen, and that he will do whatever he can to keep buffy from dying -- which is not actually his job. his job is to train buffy and fight evil. but buffy has taught giles that there are things more important than the mission.

buffy’s decision to come into her own and face the master is motivated largely by willow, and wanting to make the world safer for her, but i do think that it’s significant that she ends up actually doing what giles was asking her to do at the very beginning of the show. she doesn’t flinch away from her destiny. she stares it right in the eye. she is given the out that she begged the world for in welcome to the hellmouth and she makes the conscious choice not to take it. AND she still does it on her own terms! still flips off these old patriarchal forces telling her that there is no way to get around her dying! it’s so important that it’s willow who gets her to go down and fight the master and it’s xander who saves her life. the fact that she’s sustained these friendships has made her the slayer that she is.

but the thing that really got to me is, like i said, the fact that this is the ONLY time we see giles try to do something that can very easily be labeled as fatherly. this is indisputably what a dad would do in this situation. a dad would flat-out refuse to listen to destiny and prophecy, firmly tell his kid to sit the fuck down, and fight the monster himself. there is a quiet, implicit dialogue between buffy and giles in their confrontation: giles places himself in a paternal role, the only time he does this in the show, and buffy removes him from it. 

and shining a light on this moment adds a whole layer to the later seasons -- particularly the fact that buffy very clearly wants giles to step into a paternal role, and giles very clearly will not. he got punched out when he actually tried to be a dad. he knows on some level that this won’t work if he is her dad, regardless of how desperately buffy wants him to be her dad -- but his attempts to draw lines with her are so blurry and hesitant and informed by his own trauma that they muddy the waters even more than before.

#meta #buffy and giles #celia's buffy rewatch 2022 edition #i am literally so not normal about this like???? #we talk about buffy wanting giles to be her dad but this adds a WHOLE LAYER to it #that when he actually TRIES to be her dad she fucking DECKS HIM #i haven't totally written a thesis statement about this shit yet. i am definitely going to keep tracking their relationship as i watch

[madewithspice]

Besides all the other triggering stuff I won't tell, I'm also struggling to find my sexuality: I feel kinda uncomfortable around boys, there are a few exceptions, but I always felt more comfortable around girls and I experienced a lot of admiration in female fictional characters and celebrities since I was young, but I learned only at 12 what lgbt was and so I started exploring my mind to find my gender identity and sexuality. About the identity, I think I'm a demigirl because I mostly use she/her, but I don't mind they/them though sometimes I portrait myself as non-binary (it's all Hange's fault 😤) or a cis woman. At the moment I think I'm bisexual with female preference because I still simo for a few male characters in aot lol.

How did u guys figured out your sexuality/gender identity?

Well I didn’t really realise at all because it’s all I ever knew. I thought lack of feelings and love towards people was normal. Teenage me didn’t even realise I had no real crushes, that I was convincing myself to “like” boys I would be friends with, just to fit in with the girl talk. I dreaded growing up because I knew I had to get married at some point and honestly speaking that was heartbreaking for me to accept. Still is now. I don’t really remember when I clicked with the asexual label but it’s only been a few years. I do know I’m straight. Like if I ever get a small sliver of feelings, then it’s for men. My gender identity has always been female but I do like the tomboy vibes but I’d still say I’m a female. - Kiki.

Well I always kinda new I had feelings for women since I was veryy young but I wouldn't think about it a lot. Crushes on teachers or best friends were usual back then but I thought it was normal lol. All until I was around 15 when I was like "not every girl has this kind of feelings for other girls". The realisation though hit me hard and I remember I was praying to be normal. About boys the feelings were just there sometimes they disgust me so much that I thought I'm not attracted to them but unfortunately the attraction is there. I don't really care about the gender to be honest. Even though I identify as a woman i don't mind people calling something else -Markie

#kiki talks #markie talks ♡ #asexual #aromanitc #aroace #bisexual

[quibliography]

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab

Synopsis: This novel is about the long and enduring life of Addie LaRue. Adeline LaRue was born in Villon in the year 1691 in a stone house just beyond an old yew tree. Even as a child, she longed to see the larger world and big cities like Le Man. But in 1714 her parents decide she’s past marriageable age and forced her hand. She could never accept such a dull fate, to be born and to die on the same plot of land, and so she escapes to the woods. There she pleads to the gods to save her and in her desperation, she forgets Estelle’s warning: never call on the gods that answer after dark. And when the darkness answers, Adeline makes a deal she can’t take back.

My Quibs: The basic premise is a classic, done and re-done so many times. (There’s even a bizarrely similarly-titled movie, The Age of Adaline.) I had high expectations that Schwab would bring something different. The boundaries she sets around the concept of immortality was interesting. I enjoyed learning them along with Addie, although it was difficult to fully grasp the details with all the time jumping. I’m a big fan of world-building so I have a tendency to pick at holes when details are important. For instance, if a plot is dependent on science and the author explains part of the science, I’ll expect the other half to hold up. On the other hand, if the author hand-waves most of the science, I’ll let all of it go. So when Schwab begins to construct the “cage” that Addie lives in, I’m going to want to test it. But back to my point, she jumps back and forth so much that I’m too turned around to really question anything. I’m also too turned around to really connect with her either. She’s a guarded character but she’s also written guarded-ly (?). The closest I could feel of her frustration and jadedness is when we flip through a decade of meetings with the Darkness, waiting each year for a chance to fight a battle and prolong a never-ending war. But during the times we jump back and forth, we meet her 100th heartbreak and then we meet her first heartbreak and then we meet her 48th heartbreak. The feelings swing too much and I detach, because anything over 20, she’s more or less detached now. But I guess feeling detached is important to contrast against the excitement that is meeting Henry.

I *sigh* don’t like Henry. In my opinion, he’s just another version of Addie. And this gives me weird vibes like when I see a couple who look too much alike. He doesn’t contribute to the story in a new way and only seems to be there (more or less) to be something different for Addie. But if that’s the case, why do we need such in depth understanding of Henry’s life and thoughts. Especially when it resonates the same isolated loneliness that we already get from her.

“Ideas are wilder than memories.”

It’s ironic that in the novel, ideas have permanence and immortality. She cannot make her own physical mark, but if she inspires a thought, she can see it centuries later in a sculpture. It’s ironic because Schwab has created this idea of Addie, but in my opinion, its “wildness” makes it that much less permanent. Ideas need weight, need to adapt and grow, to become more concrete, in order to have permanence. But then it’s not just an idea, it’s become a movement or a product. I think it’s more of a dreamer’s perspective to idealize ideas and maybe I’m too practical, but I need more than just an idea for a book to make a lasting impression on me.

Should you read it? It’s a good read but not her best. I’d say add it to the list if you’re a fan of Schwab, but don’t make it a high priority.

Similar reads? Hm, let’s watch that movie and then see.

(Spoiler Alert!) Ugh, well, to double down on how blah I feel about Henry. I feel like either she wasn't subtle about it or the concept is cliche. But the fact that Addie has unlimited time, I sorta kinda anticipated that Henry would have next to no time. Schwab even labels them as star-crossed lovers and I'm thinking, is that supposed to make me ship them automatically? Nah. Especially. Especially! when Addie goes to plead and bargain for Henry's soul, she chooses to sacrifice a stranger instead of offering the one thing she has over the Darkness, herself. What kind of love do they have when she doesn't even consider it. My estimation of her dropped considerably considering how badly she is at playing this supposed game with Luc. Are we supposed to believe that the gods will always win and feel sympathy for her? I dunno. Despite using first-person present, the characters' feelings seem detached or clinical. By the end, I was kinda over it. Addie and Luc deserve each other.

What did you think of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue?

#the invisible life of addie larue #ve schwab

[hydesdiary]

September 13, 2022

…it’s 4am

I have a lump in my throat. I keep thinking how she said she is falling in love with her…how she just so happened to turn off all the light this time…how she can connect so easily with her yet I’m so difficult. She loves her, and she loves her back….but I’m in the dark because my fairytale has always been of just one lover but yet I only seem to be with those that desire more. I simply am not enough for one person so I guess I’m gonna have to accept that this is my reality. I will just shut up and accept my position as secondary when it reveals itself, and I’ll shut up about my pain for I know it only causes problems. I’m a burden who has no idea how to mute my voice for those that matter most.

Well it’s 11 now. She is gone to work but here I am on the couch with my chest pounding, not sure if I’m angry or just shattered. The other day I was trying to pour our bubbler down the bathroom sink but then my partner got irritated some reason cuz they wanted me to pour it in the kitchen sink, wasn’t giving me time to talk cuz it was arguing, and then took the bubbler saying they have to do everything themselves or something like that, and poured it in the sink where I didn’t want it…well I was trying to make her coffee this morning but I picked up the cup from the dishwasher and it had resin on it, so I tell her “this is why I don’t like it poured in the sink” and she seemed confused so I explained further pointing to the bathroom and said how she got mad at me the other day for saying it should go in the bathroom. She got upset and told me she doesn’t like how I come at her. I find it kinda frustrating that she can tell me a million and one things I gotta do differently; even being back and forth about these things, yet the minute I think she should do something another way to make our lives easier she gets mad. She said for me to find someone else to do this with…well I am actually considering leaving. I might save up, break up with her, move out on my own (or see if my friend would be cool me moving in lol), and just become a fuck boi cuz I can’t deal with this heartbreak anymore. She is so happy and sweet to savanna but yet me, the one closest to her…the one who has been here for you to leave and come back…..the one you can abandon and not worry about….I’m such a  nuisance. Idk. I should have left when she admitted to liking Brittany. I should have left when she went for Elisabeth…I should have left when she said she didn’t love me anymore, that I was the issue. I should have left a long time ago…I wasted so much time with her. Someone who doesn’t know me. Doesn’t care to but instead puts their own label on me. I’m done. Good luck to you too finding someone. I’m not dealing with it anymore.(lol who am I kidding I have no spine and will let you come back…But I really am gonna try and talk myself out of it…funny how I’m over here tryin to make plans for your 30th)

#diary entry

[agustdakasuga]

Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 19

Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

Today’s the day. No more running away. It’s time to face the truth. 

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

When you stirred awake, your eyes widened and you shot up. You looked around the room and realised that you were in Namjoon’s room, the multiple books on the shelves being a dead giveaway. On the nightstand beside you was a scribbled note. 

‘Had to attend a meeting. Take the day off and rest. - Namjoon’

You sighed, falling back onto the bed. Looking down, you weren’t in your dress anymore. You only hoped that the boys weren’t daring enough to change you and in your drunk stupor, you were able to change yourself. 

“Kill me.” You screamed into the pillow. 

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Go away.” You groaned. 

“Good morning.” Taehyung came in with a grin. You sat up in annoyance, running your fingers through your hair in an attempt to undo all the tangled knots from your sleep. 

“Here, this will help.” Taehyung poked your shoulder. He handed you the hangover pill and a glass of lemon water. 

“Thanks...” You swallowed the pill with the cold liquid. Sighing tiredly, you fell back onto Namjoon’s pillow. Since it was obvious that you slept next to the guy, who is also your boss, you didn’t care that Taehyung was seeing you enjoying the warmth and comfort of Namjoon’s bed. After all, you were too tired and hungover to care. 

“Hey, Taehyung. Where’s Jimin?” You asked. 

“Still sleeping. Whenever Jimin drinks as much as he did last night, he sleeps for a really long time. Like... until the following evening.” Taehyung shrugged. You nodded your head. 

“Do you... feel better? After last night.” Taehyung seemed a little cautious with his question. 

“Do I feel better? Well, I did feel more relaxed last night at the club. But right now, my stomach is churning and my head is pounding so not really.” You chuckled. Seeing that you still joked around, Taehyung grinned. 

“Need help getting back to your room?” 

“I can manage.” You forced a smile. Taehyung just let you grab onto his arm to stand up. He walked beside you just to keep you company. 

“Wait, Tae. Did... anything happen last night when Jimin and I came home from the bar?” You grabbed his wrist suddenly, startling the boy. He blinked, turning to look at you. 

“What do you mean?” He tilted his head. 

“Well, I obviously don’t remember how I even came home last night. And something must have happened for me to end up in Namjoon’s bed. Also, I know how bad I can get when I’m drunk. So tell me, how bad was it?” You interrogated. 

“You weren’t bad, doc. Don’t worry.” He assured. You let out a sigh of relief at his words. 

“You were cute.” He added with a snicker. You froze in your spot as your eyes widened. Just how drunk were you last night? That itself made you feel like throwing up even more. 

“I need to see Jimin and... or Namjoon.” You detoured and left his side. Taehyung trailed behind you as you went downstairs. 

“Wait, I wanted to ask-”

“Oh, (y/n)! You’re awake!” Jungkook ran over to you excitedly, cutting Taehyung off. You gave the youngest a slightly weird look, taking a step back. Why was he so excited?

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I need to see Namjoon.” You cleared your throat. 

“Oh, come on! You already didn’t want to leave his side last night! And now, you’re already looking for him the moment you wake up! What about me?!” Jungkook growled unhappily. You cupped a hand over your mouth to mask your shock. Behind you, Taehyung was sending signals to Jungkook to stop scaring you about last night. 

“Doc? I thought I heard you.” Namjoon poked his head out from behind the pillar, walking over. You gave an awkward wave. 

“Morning?” You rubbed the back of your neck, embarrassed. Namjoon chuckled, still finding your adorable, as he patted the top of your head. You shrunk back. 

“Uh, Namjoon... I didn’t do anything weird last night... Did I?” 

“No, you’re good.” He ruffled your hair. Before you could question him further, Hoseok came and tapped the watch on his wrist. 

“Listen, doc. We’ll talk when I get back.” Namjoon waved to everyone and rushed off with Hoseok, who winked at you with a giggle. Just then, Jin came out of the kitchen with a maid behind him. The maid placed a bowl of warm rice porridge on the table for you. 

“Here. It’ll make you feel better. It’s abalone porridge.” Jin said. 

“Thank you. I really needed this.” You took a spoon. The boys hung around you as you ate your food. 

“I’m hungover, not unstable. You guys don’t have to wait for me. Go do your work or something.” You raised your eyebrow at them. The boys cast each other looks but didn’t move. 

“It’s okay.” Taehyung said. 

“So, (y/n)-”

“I’m done eating. Namjoon said it’s my day off so run along. Go do whatever you mafia guys do.” You waved them off like little kids. You didn’t even hear Jin as you jogged up the stairs and disappeared into the hallway.

“Yoongi? You there?” You knocked on his room door. There was no reply. Even when you pressed your ear to the door, there was no sound of movement or any grunts. 

“Doctor. Are you looking for young master Yoongi?” The sudden appearance of the butler made you jump. 

“Uh... yeah. But it’s nothing important.” You blushed.

“Young master Yoongi just came back from a lunch appointment. He is in the other wing.” He informed. You nodded your head, thanking him with a pat on the shoulder before shuffling over to the other wing of the house. Your hand hovered over the golden handles of the double doors. The last time you were here, you weren’t exact the most comfortable. 

“Y-Yoongi?” You called out as you entered. For the first time, the wing was so silent and dark. Heading up the stairs, you looked at the various labelled doors that lined the hallways. 

‘Min Yoongi’

You knocked but again, there was no reply. Pursing your lips, you decided to go in anyway. It was a simple office, monochromatic with some dark blues.

“What are you doing here?” Yoongi’s sudden voice shocked you. You turned around to face the male, who had a stoic look on his face. In his hand was a crystal glass with whiskey. 

“Looking for you.” You replied. Duh. He nodded his head slowly, entering the office and closing the door behind him. He took a sip of his drink. 

“Want some?” He shook his glass. 

“No, thanks. Hungover.” You cringed as you pointed to your still throbbing temple. 

“Right. You were quite different last night. I don’t think any of us have ever seen you like that before. You didn’t want to let Namjoon go because of his ‘cute dimples’.” He said. Your jaw dropped slightly as you held your cheeks, totally wanting to bury yourself right now. 

“Namjoon said I didn’t do anything weird.” You whimpered. 

“Right...” Yoongi gave a slightly amused face. 

“Actually, I wanted to talk about-” You were cut off when Yoongi tugged you by your arm into his embrace. He resting his eyes against your shoulder, arms around your waist tightly. 

“Why doesn’t he want to get better?” He whispered, fists bunching the back of your shirt. 

“Yoongi...” 

“I went to see him. He didn’t even want to see me. But I just had to know... why he doesn’t want to be treated. He just... accepts it. Accepts that he is going to die.” He started to shake a little, voice cracking.

“I promised to stay awake if he lets me help him. But even then, he didn’t want it.” You smoothed to back of his head, remembering what Jimin told you. 

“Yoongi hyung always wanted to be close to his brother. But his father never allowed Geumjae hyung and Geumjae’s mother near them.” Jimin explained as he sipped his drink.

“Why?” 

“Geumjae hyung was the son of his past lover. Sure, he allowed the mother and son to stay in the same estate and still provided for them, a little. But as a kid, when Yoongi went to find Geumjae hyung to play, his father would get so angry and punish them, especially Geumjae hyung. That’s when Yoongi hyung’s father adopted Hoseok hyung.” Jimin shrugged. 

“That’s horrible. He’d rather adopt another child than to let both his sons be siblings.” You shook your head. 

“That’s how Yoongi hyung’s father was.” Jimin sighed. 

“I’m glad I never have to meet him.” 

“Once Geumjae hyung was old enough to provide for himself and his mother, he moved them out of the family estate. When Yoongi hyung found them again, apparently Geumjae hyung’s mom had already passed away.” Jimin said. 

“She passed away?” You asked. 

“According to Geumjae hyung, even as his mother grew older, she was mentally unstable. From the heartbreak and abandonment...” 

“I can imagine how hard it must have been for Geumjae to watch his mother go through that, and not be able to get over it, even as she aged.” You felt sad for Geumjae and Yoongi.

“Geumjae hyung’s resentment just... carried on to Yoongi hyung. I guess Geumjae hyung felt that he and his mother were replaced. Rather than blame a dead man, he’d rather blame Yoongi hyung.” Jimin finished, ordering another round of drinks. 

“And even so, Yoongi still wants to help him when he’s sick.” You looked at your empty glass. 

“To Yoongi hyung, just knowing you still have family alive is enough.”

“I’m sorry things turned out like this, Yoongi.” Pulling away, you looked at his face. He looked so exhausted and emotionally drained, even if it had only been one day. 

“You should rest, Yoon. You’ve had a long day.” You told him, taking the glass from his hand. Usually, Yoongi would snap at whoever takes his drink from him but with you, he let you take it without a fight. 

“Let’s go?” Yoongi waited for you at the door of his office. You nodded, walking with him out of the other wing. 

“Jimin will be asleep the rest of the day. He doesn’t usually get tipsy but he does sleep for a while after a night of drinking.” He informed. 

“Yeah, Tae told me.” You chuckled. 

“I hope you don’t mind that Jimin told me a little background about you and your brother. I just wanted to understand a little bit more... which I did. That’s why I was looking for you, to talk to you and maybe, understand a little more.” You said, putting your hands in your pockets. You were ready for him to get angry that you invaded his private life.

“Jimin knows what to share about my past on my behalf. I trust him.” He shrugged and you let out a mental sigh of relief. The both of you stopped in front of Yoongi’s bedroom. 

“Rest well.” You wished. 

“You too.” He forced a smile. Just as you were about to turn to head to your own room, you heard him clear his throat. 

“Actually, (y/n)...” He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Hmm?” You titled your head. 

“Nevermind.” He shook his head before entering his room and shutting the door. You stared at the black door for a few seconds before you shrugged and headed back to your own room. 

“Jimin?!” You opened your bedroom door and was shocked to see the male in your bed. He was sleeping soundly, hugging your pillow. You fed Kookie his lunch before heading over to peek at Jimin. True to that, he was really fast asleep. You sighed with your hands on your hips. 

“I’m always finding you or Jungkook in my bed. And lately, Taehyung too.” You shook your head but of course, he didn’t respond. 

“At least scoot over.” You chuckled, pushing him to the side before you slid in, under the covers. Jimin didn’t even stir as you moved him or stole your pillow back from him. 

“Goodnight... I guess?” You closed your eyes. 

-

“Wait, you didn’t ask her?” The older ones all asked their maknae with crossed arms. They were in disbelief, having believed that Jungkook would be the first one to ask you to the ball. 

“I was going to. But Yoongi hyung just had to come and start such big drama.” Jungkook glared. Yoongi rolled his eyes with a snort. 

“Well, you did the same to me when I was going to ask her!” Taehyung sneered. Jungkook frowned. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask her.” Jin turned to Jimin. 

“That night out was for her to let go of her stress. It was about her, not me.” Jimin shrugged. The boys were all squabbling downstairs. When this whole ‘plus 1′ incident came up, they all planned to individually ask you to the ball that was taking place tonight but somehow, they all kept getting interrupted by each other. 

“She fell asleep before I could ask her. I was supposed to ask her when I got back but I was busy cleaning someone’s mess up.” Namjoon hissed, looking at Jimin, who was more interested in inspecting his nail bed. 

“Can we get back to this? So no one asked her?” Yoongi broke all the arguments and squabbles. 

“You didn’t ask her? I heard from one of the butlers you were with her in the other wing for a while. You could have asked her.” Jin asked. 

“No... There were more important things to discuss.” He crossed his arms. 

“The plan was to have someone ask her! Rather it be one of us than some stranger!” Hoseok said, annoyed. 

“I’m ready!” Your voice was heard. The boys were not ready for what they saw. You were in a light blue dress, the bodice decorated with intricate floral lace patterns and sparkles, the ends of the skirt just brushing against the floor. 

“Wow.” The boys were speechless. It would be cliche to say you looked like a princess but you did. 

“Is it too much?” You raised an eyebrow with an amused laugh. The boys didn’t say anything but shook their heads, you were mesmerising. Although, what was able to break them out of their trance was when you walked forward to sling arms with Jin. He smiled down at you. 

“H-Hyung... Y-You...” 

“Jin asked if I had a ‘plus 1′ to tonight and I was so busy to find someone to go with me. He offered to be my partner for tonight and I didn’t have any objection.” You shrugged. 

“I never said I didn’t ask her.” Jin snickered. The rest all looked at him with wide eyes of betrayal. 

“Let’s go.” Jin patted your hand and led you out. The other 6 trailed behind, glaring daggers into the back of Jin’s head. Jin opened the door of his chauffeur limousine for you. You bowed your head slightly and slid in. 

“Hyung!” Jungkook shouted in outrage. 

“All’s fair in love and war. Don’t worry, I know what to do.” Jin waved the others off. Hoseok went to the other door. 

“Nu uh. This is for me and her. You guys ride separately.” Jin pointed to the other car behind. Their jaws dropped, their cunning hyung already had everything planned. He played them and they fell for it like fools! Unwillingly, they trudged to the car while Jin slid into the seat beside you. You tilted your head in confusion. 

“Don’t worry about them.” Jin chuckled. 

“I’m excited to be going to an event where I don’t have my parents giving me a full briefing on who is who and what is what.” You smiled, smoothing your dress down. 

“Yes, it’s a celebration for you too, doc. You deserve to enjoy it” Jin nodded his head. When the car stopped, the door was opened for you. 

“Good evening.” The staff bowed deeply to you and Jin. 

“Hey.” You greeted them. 

“Bosses!” Seeing you and Jin, with the other 6 behind, everyone in the ballroom stopped to give the 8 of you a deep bow. Namjoon walked down first while you stayed behind Jin. The boys were received with big smiles and hugs. 

“Come on, (y/n). Let’s go to the bar!” The maknaes were quick to steal you when they saw Jin distracted, speaking to the manager for his casino. You giggled, following their lead. All of you ordered your drinks and clinked your glasses together. 

“Don’t you guys have people to greet too?” You asked the 3 boys, sipping from your glass. 

“Nah.” Taehyung waved you off. 

“Are you guys starting the party without us?” The 4 older ones soon joined. They ordered their drinks to toast with you. The 8 of you clinked all your glasses together with cheer. 

“To, doc!” Hoseok grinned. 

“To preventing us from dying!” Jimin added and everyone burst out laughing. You drank your drinks in one shot. 

“I was just doing my job, boys. It was no big deal, really.” You smiled softly, looking at all of them. It wasn’t long until they were all being pulled away by their staff to talk. 

“We’ll be back! Stay right here, I’ll come get you. There’s another surprise for you.” Jin winked. You nodded your head, waving with a smile as he was dragged away. You grabbed a plate of food and stayed by the bar, picking at the food with the forks. Some of the boys’ workers that you recognised came to chat and speak with you. 

“Ah, please excuse me.” You said as you slipped away from the conversation, heading to the washroom. 

“Ugh, finally. Some peace and quiet.” Yoongi grumbled as he stepped out onto the big balcony with his brothers. The others nodded in agreement, finally getting some space to breathe. 

“Where’s (y/n)?” Jungkook asked. 

“Jin hyung went to get her. I mean, afterall, she is his date tonight.” Namjoon chuckled. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Jungkook said sourly. It was safe to say, the other 6 were still not over the fact that their eldest was able to sneak past all of them to ask you to be his partner for the event tonight. 

“Whatever, after tonight, hopefully we’ll all have the chance to take her out on a date one day.” Hoseok comforted the maknae. 

“That’s if she decides to accept us.” Yoongi snorted. 

“I think I see hyung coming! Everyone, stand together.” Taehyung said excitedly. All the boys straightened up, standing in a sort of straight line. But they were not expecting Jin to run out of the ballroom alone, a look of fear and panic on his face. 

“(y/n)’s gone.” Jin announced. 

~~ 

Ko-fi link

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[mrs-bartowski]

My dudes. My guys. My pals.

I’m about 10 seconds away from going feral.

So, I’m the kind of unfortunate chump whose brain requires continuity. Meaning, when I started thirst watching Supergirl during its mid-season-2 hiatus and came across the realization that it had crossovers with all the other arrowverse shows, my brain tasked me with watching them all. I won’t put you through a recount of this arduous feat, but it does leave me with the certain advantage of having immediate and full-contextual access to any parallels between supercorp and canon CW DCEU couples.

Normally, this is a good thing, because it’s just another crumb to obsess over. But I just finished watching Legends 6x02 and...I. AM. FUMING.

I literally don’t even know where to start, but know that if you’ve made it this far you’re in for a long ride because my entire being is in Scream mode right now and I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop typing until it passes.

OKAY. So.

Meet Sara Lance (lol jk y’all thirsty gays know who she is I mean look at this flawless human)

Next, meet her ******* Ava Sharpe (who is literally the definition of white European beauty standards-based perfection because she’s a clone from the future)

And finally, meet Gary Green. He’s...well, he’s Gary.

Sara started out on Arrow and is now the captain of the Legends. Ava was the director of the Time Bureau and Gary was an agent, and now they are also members of the Legends. Sara has been there (and been the show’s effective lead) since season 1. Ava and Gary both came in at the beginning of season 3. 

Gary is (as pictured) an absolute fool, but he is also kind of regarded as the one the Legends Must Protecc. The whole team is considered a family, and, while they are not necessarily labeled as best friends, Gary has been Ava’s longest and most loyal companion, and Sara has a way of adopting him because she’s the best equipped to keep him out of trouble.

So, why is all of this relevant to why I want to go feral? Because it sounds a bit familiar, yes? Member of the team that is somewhat a black sheep, doesn’t get included fully or all the time but often comes in with save-the day type shit (even though with Gary it’s more of a distraction than a save because he’s a mess of a man). Close friend to one of our two main heroes and, subsequently, that hero’s closest companion puts them at the top of their Protecc list. Has little faith in his relationships with the team so he is constantly going out of his way to help in whatever way he can to prove his usefulness. And so on and so forth.

Well, 6x01 marks exactly 3 years since Gary’s first appearance, and what did we find out in that episode? That Gary is an alien. And not just any alien - an alien who was sent (by the woman he was traded to) to get close to Sara because she has been labeled as one of the world’s most dangerous creatures. Not to mention, his species of alien feeds on humans (not him of course, he’s reformed, but nonetheless not a friendly species). And we find out all of this because he and his master abduct her.

Sara finds out in person while Ava and the rest of the Legends solve the mystery on their own. Now, I’ve drawn a lot of comparisons between Lena and Gary to make a point about the time frame and nature of their relationships, but let’s take a look at Sara, shall we? For starters, she’s been “dead” either literally or supposedly about...what, 15 times now? If you think that’s an exaggeration, here’s the link to her fan wiki which says she’s been presumed dead 10 times and actually dead 5. The sg writers tried to sell season 5 as “the fight for Lena’s soul” but Sara LITERALLY LOST HER SOUL when she got resurrected in the Lazarus pit. 90% of Sara’s character development has been based on her certainty that she is too close to death and evil and destruction (getting possessed by a demon, perhaps, had something to do with this?). She was an actual literal assassin and she has left civilization out of anger and pain to go back to that life once before.

She has always believed that she is too dangerous to have real love or relationships or friends. And now she has found and built and led this family through time and space and she’s done so with this goofball by her side that is endearingly attached to the love of her life. So, how does she react when she finds out Gary is an alien? Well, clearly, she goes down a dark path, right? She cries and screams and talks about betrayal because she’s had such a hard time with feeling like she only ever puts the people she loves in danger and now here she is finding out there’s been a human-eating alien in her family for three years that was tasked with observing her and keeping her in check because she is exactly that dangerous?

Yeah...try again. This is how Sara reacts:

And then there's another scene that apparently no one even bothered to put on YouTube where you can see the pain in Sara's eyes when she asks him “why me?” You can see how hurt she is that after 3 years she’s just finding out that their friendships is based on lies and that she has trouble keeping her faith in it. But in both of these instances where are the “crocodile tears?” Where are the fearful, shaky confessions from Gary about his fear of losing the only people who have ever really loved or cared about him and desperate justifications about how he just wanted to protect them and keep them in the dark so his master didn’t come after them? Where is the outrage from Sara about how everything Gary has reassured her about over the past three years when she was scared to let the damaged-soul assassin inside of her out was a lie and he doesn’t get to tell her who or what she is again? Where is the determination from Ava to make Gary pay for not only lying for three years but for ABDUCTING THE LOVE OF HER LIFE TO HAND OVER TO A FLESH-EATING ALIEN??????

Nowhere. Those things...they’re nowhere. There’s anger. There’s pain. There’s doubt and heartbreak and fury. There’s betrayal and helplessness and desperation. But there is no scene with Sara standing on a balcony and Gary looking up at her longingly because he wants to talk to her about the secret and he knows it will change everything between them. There is no scene with Sara and Ava lamenting over what this means for Gary and the team and the world because he’s no longer the person they knew. There are no romantically-scored scenes of them looking teary-eyed at the pictures they took together or reassurances that the others’ intentions are good and trustworthy now that the truth is out in the open. There is nothing to imply that the last several years of friendship are now entirely suspect (damaged, frayed, clouded, maybe, but definitely not voided) because Gary kept this secret to protect them. And Gary isn’t made to feel obscenely guilty or shameful because his intentions were good and he only did what he felt he had to. But most of all, the world doesn’t feel like it’s going to end.

And I’m not talking about we’re now scared Gary will take his master’s side or Sara will suddenly decide that she never wants an alien to fool her or hurt her again so she’s going to make sure he doesn’t have the choice. I’m just talking about the way they address each other. There are no sobbing tears or laments over the biggest mistakes of their lives - even though it’s quite possible Gary could see this as his. There are no screaming matches over betrayal and mistrust and years of doubt and confusion. There will be no episode dedicated to going back and seeing what could have happened - what kind of danger they could have avoided from the alien(s) controlling Gary - had he told them the truth sooner because that’s the only way to save him and the world. There will be no episode where he has to single-handedly save them multiple times as some example of redemption. There will be no adamant looks and declarations about how the team knows his intentions were good and they forgive him. There won’t be any of that. Because Sara is not in love with Gary. And Ava is not in love with Gary. And Gary is not in love with either Sara or Ava. They’re just close friends. Family. Loved ones who mean a lot to each other but whose betrayal and seeds of doubt don’t bring on emotions whose force and ferocity could be acceptable for finding out the apocalypse is nigh.

I have many, many more feelings about this but right now I’m going to go write things that will make me feel better and not things that make me want to gather every writer from every CW show in a line and run down the line smacking them all in the face while the Legends writers watch and cheer. But I’m fuming. THIS is what it looks like when a years-long, heavily weighted lie is revealed between close friends/family. So, in conclusion, Supercorp endgame or die.

#supercorp #supercorp endgame #cw supergirl #supergirl #the cw #the cw network #legends of tomorrow #avalance #gary green #ava sharpe #sara lance #kara danvers #lena luthor #legends of tomorrow spoilers #Youtube

[httphonsool]

Heather

synopsis; you’ve always been the last, the last to be chosen, the last to be remembered, the last. And it doesn’t help that you’re Heather’s best friend either. but maybe, your unfortunate fate can be changed.

word count; 5,957

time taken; eesh, let’s not talk about it.

warnings; angst, heartbreak, feeling inferior, insecurities, bullying (?? if you squint)

notes; hi! i’m back for the time being, i mean not really, but enjoy this for the next three months i guess, i’m joking, i think i might just get back into writing but updates will be fairly slow, and i’m not just doing bts oneshots/series anymore, i’m currently only doing bnha for anime buttt maybe it’ll expand. also, yes, this is inspired by ‘Heather’ by Conan Gray, listen to it whilst you read, you may just cry.

-

There’s always that one girl. The one nobody can hate, the one that everyone swoons for, the one that’s always right, the one no one can be mad at. Unfortunately for you, you are not that girl, but you are her best friend. Yes you heard right, you were the best friend of the Heather in your school, also known as Yaoyorozu Momo.

See, you don’t hate Yaoyorozu, no, no, that’s definitely nowhere near the case, you just hate that everyone views her as some perfect princess that makes no mistakes, in fact it’s not even that, it’s that you’re just seen as her best friend, the girl that’s just there, the one that’s always there, you know the face but never the name. The second choice. The last choice.

It doesn’t help that Momo is your only friend, and that you’ve always felt inferior to her, it’s not exactly the healthiest relationship, but it’s your only choice, there’s not really anyone else. You’re just not taken seriously, it’s always Momo this and Momo that, she’s the only one who really wants to talk to you. And you hate the world for that.

 It’s even more difficult as the days go by, a wave of insecurities, depression, and your childhood trauma finally catching up to you, you can’t even bring yourself to lift your head up during class, and the boy sitting to your right seems to notice.

“___? Why do you look like a deflated whale?” you hear a voice from your right, you look up to see a blur of red and white hair and heterochromatic eyes through your tears. Let’s ignore the fact that you are definitely not okay, how does the son of one of the most famous heroes in the world, Todoroki Shoto, know your name when nobody else can bother to learn it(excluding Momo, of course).

“You-you know my name?”

“I mean…I’ve been sitting next to you since the first day…it’s not that hard to remember.”

“Right.” You wipe away the streaks of tears.

“So…do you want to complain…isn’t that what people usually do when they’re sad?”

“I’m fine,” you tell him.

“You don’t look fine.” He says bluntly.

“And? Why does it matter?” Truth be told you love the attention you’re getting, you just want to keep the conversation going, even if it’s short.

“If you don’t want to tell me then don’t.” Well, ouch, but to be honest, you were asking for it.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Well fuck you, then.”

And you can’t deny how your heart flutters at the sight of the small smirk that’s planted on his face.

-

And so it began, a slow building friendship, one of those kinds of friendships you see on TV, it was just six pure months of happiness, a true friendship, and you don’t mind admitting that it feels nice to have a friend that isn’t Momo, it makes you feel somewhat better, and he makes you feel somewhat better. It’s nice to not feel insecure every time you’re near a friend; it’s nice to just hang out with him, even if he’s being blunt and a little straightforward, but that’s just how he is and it doesn’t make you love him any less. Except this bond you shared wasn’t just between the two of you, unfortunately Momo decided to come in. It struck your nerves just a little bit, it was almost like she couldn’t let you have anything for your own, but you know that’s not how Momo intended it to be, it just happened, and you couldn’t hate it more. You could tell how Shoto felt towards Momo, doing things for her he wouldn’t even do for you, dropping everything to take care of her, and it didn’t help your case because before you knew it, you were free-falling deep into the rabbit hole labelled ‘Todoroki Shoto’ and he was too; except the rabbit hole was not named after you.

You don’t blame him for being in love with Momo, you don’t. In fact, you can see exactly why he would, she’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s always right, and at this point you’re one-hundred percent sure she’s probably never wronged anyone, not a single sin on her list. It just sucks because, for once, you just wanted something for yourself, but now you can’t even have that.

You’re not quite sure how it happened, if you’re honest, one moment you were trying to get rid of him because he continuously tried to check up on you, and the next, you finally made him laugh for the first time, and you felt hope, so you continued to talk to him, and next thing you know it you were best friends, and then Momo decided to talk to him. And that’s when your special few months were over; Momo was back to claim what was hers, without even knowing it.

-

It’s a dark Friday night when Momo finally tells you exactly what you didn’t want to hear, you’re sitting behind Momo, braiding her hair, being careful not to pull her hair down.

“___? Ow- eesh, ____, be careful, it hurts a little,” she groans.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I’m not used to doing other people’s hair, plus yours is so long!”

“Yours is longer! Anyway, I wanted to tell you something…” your heart stops, time freezes, everything freezes…please no, please…

“I think…I think I…” no, no, please no, “I think I like Todoroki Shoto, no- I think I really like him.”

“Oh.” It’s all you can come up with, your eyes welling up, holding back tears…why, why, why. But like the good best friend you are, you can’t lie to her. “I think he likes you, too. You should confess.” You tell her.

God damn it. You’re so tired of this, you’re so sick of being second best, you’re sick of it never being you, but it’s different this time, you can feel it in the air. Usually Momo rejects everyone, girl or boy, she always says no…but the one time you like a guy…it just happens to be the guy you’re in love with that she decides to reciprocate feelings towards. And maybe you’re just finally done with it.

But you know, like always, it’s not Momo’s fault, not even Shoto’s, if you blame anyone, it’s you because you’re absolutely useless.

“Really? But I can’t…I don’t think he does…I mean…he always seems to love being around you. Is it possible you could…maybe talk to him for me?” You’re trying so hard to not have a mental breakdown, and it only gets harder…’I mean he always seems to love being around you’…is she serious? Is she blind? But you know you’ll still talk to him for her, like you would even if you didn’t love him.

But all of this reminded you, Yaoyorozu was truly Heather. And you were barely even on the list of choices at this point.

-

“We need to talk.”

Shoto looks up, noodles shoved in his mouth, an adorably clueless look on his face- and it takes you every fibre of your being not to shamelessly coo at him. He swallows down the noodles, taking a big gulp of water before looking up at you once more, “What about?”

“Your crush on Momo.” He freezes, a blush covering his cheek, clearly, you hit a nerve.

“Do we have to?”

“Yes. I think it’s time you confess.”

“…You’re right. But how do we...? I don’t really know how…to confess.”

“There’s no we in this, it’s all you.”

“You know, I’d appreciate it very much if you helped me a little.” You want to say no. You want to say no, and you’re going to, but…it’s Todoroki Shoto…the guy you’ve liked for way too long…

“Okay, fine, we’ll plan it over the next two weeks; it has to be perfect for Momo, she deserves only the best.” Yeah, no, you’ll always just be stuck as Heather’s best friend.

“Okay.”

“Meet me after school, at my dorm.”

-

You’re not sure if this will even work but it’s the best you’ve got. And what’s your plan, you ask? Movies. Romance movies, cringey chick flicks, everything there is related to romance that Shoto could possibly take note of.

And surely, as you knew, he shows up, a notebook in hand, and the most deadpan look on his face.

“So…what are we doing.”

“Films, Shoto, romance films, you get the idea, every time you see a romantic confession, you write down things, like how they might be describing their feelings…you know…that stuff.” Why are you doing this again? Oh right, because you’re weak, and because you just want to see your best friends happy with each other.

“Oh…okay.” He sits down on your bed, rolling over onto his stomach in front of your laptop.

“We’re starting with titanic.”

“But isn’t that a sad movie?”

“Well maybe I want to cry,” You state bluntly.

“Oh.”

You’re about halfway through the Titanic, when your phone starts ringing. It’s Momo. Both you and Todoroki tense up. You pause the film to accept her call.

“Momo?”

“___? I didn’t see you all day so I decided I should check up on you, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m just with Shoto…” beside you, Shoto relaxes, muscles going from tense to relaxed within seconds just at the sound of Momo’s voice. Your heart constricts once more.

“Oh…um…have fun? We’re still hanging out again tomorrow night, right?” She asks, her voice hopeful. But for some reason that makes you want to curl up and bawl your eyes out.

“Oh, um, I may have to cancel…” you can’t, you can’t deal with her.

“Oh, that’s okay, day after tomorrow?”

“I’ll see.” And with that you end the call, letting the tears in your eyes flow freely, sobs wracking your body.

“___? ___! What’s wrong?”

“What do you do when you’re in love with a boy…who’s in love with your best friend? Shoto, I can’t live like this anymore, I’m always second best, everyone loves her, and the one time I seem to like a guy, he likes her, it’s just so frustrating.” You can’t seem to breathe properly, your lungs seem to be constricted, blocking your ability to breathe, you feel so disgusted with yourself it’s not even funny.

“Well…if he doesn’t like you he’s obviously not worth the effort.” Shoto says monotonously, placing his left hand on your back and rubbing slowly, affectionately, it’s the most he’s ever touched you.

You scream out of frustration, why does nobody understand!? “it’s not just about the damn boy,” you pause trying to gain stability, “it’s everything, it’s always Momo this, Momo that, I’m tired, Todoroki,” he lifts his hand slightly, the unfamiliar sound of his last name leaving your mouth, “I just want someone to want me, I want someone to care for me, it’s not fair I always have to share everything. Half our class barely even knows my name, I’m never chosen to be on any teams, you and Momo are my only friends, and I don’t know what to do at this point because I want someone to choose me for once.”

“I want you. I chose you.” He tries to soothe you, continuing to rub his hand over your back.

“It’s not the same.”

“Why?”

“Because you like her better.”

And for the rest of the evening you both watch the movies in silence.

-

The next time you and Todoroki meet, Uraraka and Midoriya join you.

And Todoroki Shoto is late. For the first time in your eight month long friendship, he’s late.

“Where were you, Shoto?” You ask him as soon as you see him.

“I was giving Momo my sweater, it was getting cold, didn’t want her to freeze.” He mumbles, and there’s your daily reminder that you and Todoroki are just not going to happen.

“Mm, a sweater,” you attempt to joke, and Uraraka giggles.

“It’s just polyester.” He replies.

“Damn, she really has you mesmerised, doesn’t she?” you giggle as you turn away.

-

“So…what’s the plan?” Midoriya asks.

“We’re trying to help get Shoto to confess.” You tell him.

“Please don’t mention this meeting ever again.” Todoroki says.

“Hmm, I’d say describe your feelings? Like when I confessed to Izuku, I told him things I liked about him? Like how his hair reminds me of a broccoli,” Uraraka says, squishing Midoriya’s cheeks.

“I still don’t understand that, but anyway…s-sorry I forgot your name, what was it?” Midoriya asks.

A pang of hurt hits you, damn, you were right…you’re not even second best, your just nothing.

“___.” You tell him, and slowly but surely Shoto’s hand wraps around yours, tightening and squeezing in reassurance.

“Sorry, I’m not that great with names, ___, but I was thinking…how romantic does it have to be? Because knowing Todoroki…yeah…you get what I mean. I mean, I’m sorry Todoroki, you’re a great dude but I rarely even see you smile.” Midoriya says.

“Shut up.” And you almost laugh, because that’s your Shoto…but then you realise; he’s not your Shoto.

“Okay but anyway, you don’t want it to be too romantic, but you want it to be genuine, you know? Like…how about…you…name some things about some guy you like? Maybe it’ll help him?” You sigh as you realise Uraraka has forgotten your name, and it takes everything to not start bawling when Shoto’s hand squeezes yours again.

“Um, well, I like his eyes, they’re so pretty, like a contrast between the ocean on a sunny day, and a stormy day, he’s much taller than me, it makes me feel tiny and small every time he looks down at me, not to mention how he was one of the only people, excluding Momo, to notice me and care about me, his hair always covers his eyes but it never seems to bother him for some reason, and he’s really oblivious about how I feel too…” You trail off, focussing on how not to make it obvious you’re in love with Todoroki, but when Shoto’s hand falls out of yours so effortlessly, you immediately stop talking.

The entire table is in absolute silence.

“Wow…you…really, really like this guy…” Uraraka says, but the expression on her and Midoriya’s face tells you they’ve already figured you out, and the unfortunately concerned look in her eyes tells you it’s hopeless.

“But, er…” Midoriya trails off, trying to remember your name, and you want to scream.

“___. Her name is ___, it’s not that hard to remember.” Shoto grits his teeth.

Something tells you they’ll both be remembering your name for a while now.

But even as you move on onto other topics, you can’t help but shake the feeling that you’re being watched, and as you turn around you see a blonde boy with bright hazel eyes staring at you.

-

The rest of the night continues as it did before, changing from talking about the confession to talking about…normal things, you suppose, and you’re about to leave with Shoto, just as someone taps you on the shoulder.

You turn around to see a boy around your age, dyed blonde hair with curtains and hazel eyes that shine brighter than the sun, the same one from earlier.

“Hey…___, right? We’re in the same Math class.” He knows your name, he knows your name.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You tell him, a hopefully look on your eyes.

“I was wondering…are you…single?” He asks.

“Unfortunately so.” You blush.

“Oh, thank god, so would you…ever consider going on a date with me? I mean I know we don’t know each other or anything…but…”

“I don’t even know your name,” you tease him, his cheeks burning bright red.

“My name is Akio,” He tells you pushing a hand forward for you to shake, “so will you go on a date with me?”

You’re not done with Shoto, and of course, it’s probably not going to happen any time soon, but this boy seems to be nice, somewhat. This could be your chance to start anew, change the fact that you’re never someone’s first choice; you could finally get rid of the dead weight you’re holding on. You look around the table, at Uraraka and Shoto specifically, and while Shoto really couldn’t seem to care less about the situation at hand (which is what you insinuate from the expression on his face) Uraraka seems so pleasantly surprised and just one look at her expression gives you the comfort of knowing you should say yes.

“Okay,”

“Is tomorrow okay? Here? After school?”

“Yes, that’s fine!”

“Yeah, okay, let’s go, ___,” you hear Shoto grunt, pulling you out of the restaurant.

“Was that the guy you were talking about? I didn’t know he was so…”

You’re not quite sure what to say…so you just agree.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s him…I guess he does like me after all.”

“I’ll be honest…I was really hoping he didn’t like you.”

“You want him to like Momo instead, then?” You don’t understand…why couldn’t he be happy for you?

“No, but I don’t think he’s the kind of person you’d want to date.”

You walk the rest of the way back to your dorm in silence.

-

So surely, you show up the next day, after school, same place, you even dressed up for today, quickly changing into a short dress, letting your hair down and even applying lipstick and mascara for the sake of looking presentable.

You stand outside of the restaurant for ten minutes, he doesn’t seem to be coming any time soon so you decide to go inside, expecting to see him sitting at a table, but when you realise he isn’t here yet, you head inside to grab a table and wait for a while.

Ten minutes pass, Akio doesn’t show up, you assume he got held behind.

Ten minutes turn into twenty, twenty turn into forty, and forty turns into a whole hour and a whole hour turns into two hours and you’re starting to get sympathetic looks from the people around you, even the workers gave you sympathy and gave you a free meal.

And as you eat your burger and fries, you realise Akio was never even planning on showing up.

And you know now that maybe you should have trusted Shoto’s judgement.

-

The next day, you’re barely strong enough to get yourself up to go to school, and when you do…well you wish you had given in and just stayed in your dorm.

The door to your classroom bursts open, everyone expecting your teacher walk through but instead seeing a group of boys that you’ve seen amongst the school halls, and amongst the group you notice the blond head that stood you up yesterday, and your head immediately goes to Shoto’s seat, only to see he wasn’t here yet, and again to Momo’s seat, but as soon as Momo saw you, she looked away, face flushing a light pink colour.

“Ah, dear, ___,” Akio smirks, snickering along with his group of friends, “Did you really think anyone would actually want to go on a date with you?”

Truth is, you should’ve known, and you want to say something to Akio, you do, but you don’t, you can’t because he’s right.

“You’re honestly a disgrace; you really went to the same place after school thinking I’d be there for our date…what a bloody fool.” He cackles.

You don’t really want to hear this, all it’s doing is make you want to face the truth…and truth is you’re not ready for that…everyone in the classroom is quiet…even the exploding ball of anger, Bakugo, is quiet, and all you can do is wish that Shoto was here, but what would he do? Scare them off? Exactly. You’re on your own.

And what infuriates you the most is that even your best friend since childhood, Momo, of all people isn’t saying anything, everyone’s just watching it happen, watching the events unfold in absolute silence.

But you can’t hold it in anymore, and the sobs start racking your body.

“Aw, that’s cute…she’s crying.” And they just laugh more, and that’s when you decide to leave, just when Todoroki steps into the room, and all you can hear is Uraraka and Midoriya’s voices calling for you.

-

“___?” You hear Uraraka’s sweet voice call out.

You try and hold in your sobs in the echoing toilet stand, not wanting to be found just yet.

“Can you let me in please? I just want to talk?”

You open the door to the stall, letting Uraraka in.

“I’m sorry, ___, I didn’t know he would stand you up, I genuinely thought he was interested in you, I wouldn’t have encouraged it if I didn’t think he was-”

“It’s okay, Uraraka.” She starts stroking your hair, something you haven’t had done to you in ages, and tears start leaking again, “Besides, Todoroki and Midoriya took care of them, you know,” she giggles.

“Really?” You ask.

“Yeah, they took care of them, don’t worry…Look, I know, it’s difficult with…Momo and Todoroki…and I know how you feel, but he really does care you know? I can tell, I’m not sure whether it’s friendly or…more…but he does care as much as he might seem like he doesn’t…he’s just not good with feelings…I mean…do you remember how he described his feelings for Momo?” She starts giggling, and for a brief moment, you laugh too.

“’her hair reminds me of a spider web….it’s just so big…and it like never breaks…’” you laugh.

“’she reminds me of a very old tree…wise and somewhat tall’” Uraraka laughs.

“He does care you know…he wasn’t happy when he saw Akio, and he wasn’t…exactly nice either, Akio’s recovering in the medical room now…” oh.

You’re not quite sure what’s going on with Shoto at the moment, but when you figure it out, maybe you’ll finally be at peace with yourself, even if it’s only for a moment.

-

The next time you see Todoroki Shoto, he’s climbing through your window, and you barely heard the noise he was making due to you blasting Heather- by Conan Gray, crying out your heart.

“Shoto, what the hell?” You say, wiping your tears away.

“You weren’t answering your door so I decided to…” he points at the window.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” You says.

“’s okay,” he says, “anyway, we haven’t really talked about the confession lately, so I came here.”

“Oh, oh, right, should we continue with some movies? Or maybe practice it on me? Your choice, you’re the one confessing.”

“I just want to watch movies, I think.” You expected it.

“Do you have your notebook? Or your pen?”

“No.” You don’t ask why as you both continue to watch from where you last left off.

You both end up sleeping in your bed and running late for class that night, but (unbeknownst to you) in his eyes, it was worth it.

-

When you next meet Shoto, you’re with Momo, awkward tension filled in the air around you, and you don’t know what it is, but it’s almost worse than it was before you started discussing Shoto’s confession.

“So…It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together…what’s new?” You ask, trying to ease the tension.

“What’s new is that you don’t seem to be acting like a best friend anymore.”

What?

“Momo, what do you mean?” You ask

“Best friends don’t date each other’s crushes.” Is she joking?

“I’m not…what?” You’re confused to the max right now, and Todoroki seems to not be able to say anything either.

“Forget it. I’m leaving.” Well, okay, then.

“I’m sorry, ___, I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” Before getting up and leaving as well.

And well, you’ve decided maybe going through all this effort to make sure Momo and Todoroki happy is just not worth it if it puts you at stake.

-

When you meet Todoroki next after the incident, it’s by the sea shore, you’re both sitting in the sand, a small wave coming by to touch your toes every few seconds. He’s shirtless, just wearing swimming trunks, and you’re in a black swimsuit, wearing Shoto’s shirt over it (it’s way too big for you but you’ll wear it because it’s his anyway).

“So tomorrow’s the day you finally tell her, huh,” you want to be happy for him…but you can’t.

“Yeah…something like that…” he sighs.

“I think you’ll be okay.” You tell him, “Just go with what you feel, even if it’s not perfect, at least it’s genuine.”

“Right.” Slowly, a smirk forms on Shoto’s face, his hand slowly reaching towards the water and splashing water all over you. Ah, so he wants war.

You splash water straight back at him, and he you, and it continues like this for a while until you both finally stop, giggles leaving your mouth and it makes you realise exactly why you love him.

You stare at him, eyes flickering down to his lips, and you just know…you need to know what it feels like to be loved by Shoto, even if it’s for a second, because after tomorrow, all hope would be lost for you.

Please don’t hate me, please don’t hate me, please don’t hate me, it’s all that’s ringing through your head as you push your lips against his, his hand coming up to grab your jaw, gently caressing your jaw line.

He’s kissing you back! He’s kissing you back! He’s…kissing you back…?

Surprisingly, he keeps it going, making the kiss deeper and deeper, and one kiss turns to two, two to three, and then finally you pull away, guilt coating your insides.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him.

“What was that for?” He asks

“Me. It was for me.” You pause, “What was that for?”

“Me. It was for me.”

-

Today’s the day, and the weather seems to really match your personality, it’s been raining since last night, and you don’t think it’s going to stop any time soon by the looks of it, but it’s okay…it’s not like you have school today anyway, and you’d rather stay at home today than run into Todoroki and Momo during their date, or worse; seeing them do some cute romantic couple-y shit.

You’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re probably never going to be a first choice, but it’s not that big of a deal, you had your moment with Shoto, and that’s all you really want for the time being, you’re satisfied.

Hours pass, you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed, instead just sitting up and reading a book, crying your eyes out as Rue dies in the Hunger Games.

You’re just reading the end of the book when you get a text from Shoto.

Hello, can you let me in?

You’re reluctant at first, assuming he just wants to tell you about Momo, but you begrudgingly lift yourself off your bed to open the door, not caring that you look like you have a hangover.

“Hi.” His gray and turquoise eyes stare down at you, your heart constricting and throat tightening at just his stare.

“Hi. How’d it go? Did you steal her heart?” You attempt to joke.

“…No, I think I broke it…” what? “Sit down, ___.” You take three long strides to sit down on your bed, pulling him along with you.

“What happened? I thought you wanted this?”

“I had to tell her the truth.”

“And what’s that?”

“That I don’t love her.”

“So I wasted two weeks on preparing you for this…for nothing?” You ask, you’ll never tell him, but you’re a little glad he broke her heart.

“Not for nothing…yesterday…when we…”

“Oh. Did I confuse you? Because you don’t need to worry about that, I know I should have asked, but I just wanted to know…what it felt like to be loved by you…”

“No, it’s okay, I enjoyed it, I mean obviously, I mean I was the one to continue it, and I mean I knew I wasn’t in love with Momo the first night when we were watching movies, but yesterday, I just knew I couldn’t go through with it,” your heart is beating violently in your chest, almost as if it’s threatening to jump out, “When you were telling me about how you were in love with a boy that loved Momo, it made me…it just irked me the wrong way, I don’t know why but I just knew that if I really loved Momo, it wouldn’t make me feel the way I did. And then at the restaurant…well you get it.”

“Shoto, what are you trying to tell me?” You breathe heavily, trying to control the breathing in your chest.

“I love you, no, I’m in love with you, I love Momo…but it’s nothing compared to how I feel towards you, and I think, even if you don’t return my feelings, I’m okay with that, because I don’t think I’ll be able to get rid of these feelings any time soon if not at all.”

“Well, I mean at least we know that my lessons worked on you,” you nervously laugh, he lets out a smile.

“So…do you?”

“I think…I love you, no, I’m in love with you,” you tease, squishing his cheeks as he laughs, “but you know…I heard you dealt with Akio.” Shoto stays quiet, a mild blush covering his cheeks. “You know, at first I thought it was a joke, but then I saw the bandages all the way up his arm in the hallways, and the broken leg…Shoto, what did you do?”

“It was Midoriya’s idea.”

“Mm, Midoriya barely talks to his girlfriend without stuttering, you really think he can break someone’s leg without being in a high-pressure situation?”

“He had it coming.”

“Do you even know what he did?”

“No, but from what I saw…he deserved it.”

“Shoto.”

“Mm?”

“Thank you for doing..what you did, even if I don’t like that you were violent.”

“…And I’d do it again.”

“Shoto-.”

-

You didn’t want to have to do this, but you think that the two of you deserve to talk it out.

You and Momo haven’t talked in three weeks, three weeks since you and Shoto became…well you don’t know what you are but it’s much closer than best friends at least, there’s no official label to it, but you’re content at the moment.

“Momo.” You call her name as soon as she sits down at your table.

“___.”

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah. I think we should…look, I’m sorry I didn’t know, I would have backed off immediately if you had told me you’d been in love with him since the beginning,” Momo heaves, a crestfallen expression painted on her face.

“Momo, I’m sorry, I’m just so used to you having everything, I kind of wanted to have something for myself, I can’t tell you how much it hurt me when I saw him slowly falling in love with you, because I was hoping he’d be my little secret, something I didn’t have to share. I know it seems selfish, but I can’t help it.” You don’t want to cry, but something’s urging you.

“___, this is why…this is why I want you to be more vocal, I’ve known you’ve been insecure this whole time, but I didn’t want to say anything because…well, partially I liked all the attention I received, it was addicting and I felt good, I felt popular and special, but you suffered because of my selfish tendencies, and I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to do that, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” It hit you hard. So she knew? This whole time she knew?

“Momo, even I have to admit…it’s a little bit selfish, and it’s annoying, because this whole time I thought you genuinely didn’t know how I felt.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” she sighs, tears welling up in her eyes, “It feels so stupid now, I was so stupid, and the fact that I had a feeling you had feelings for Todoroki and I still decided to try my shot- you know, I had a feeling he liked you all along, from the moment I decided to talk to him, I’ll be honest with you, ___, I don’t think he ever liked me, or even loved me, those ‘lessons’ you two had were probably because he needed a reason to spend more time with you.” Momo had been selfish, at least you had figured that out, but you can’t deny how good it feels to finally be honest between the two of you, and with what she was telling you about Shoto- you had a feeling Todoroki had been lying a little, but the more you think about it; you hadn’t seen Shoto pick up his pen once during the films you watched, and if he did you surely never heard the sound of his pen scribbling away at the paper, the way he so awkwardly described Momo when you met up with Uraraka and Midoriya, and the way he was frustrated by Akio, and the way he so willingly kissed you back at the beach…you’re not sure if you’re looking too deep or not deep enough,

But that’s not what you need to be thinking about right now, right now, you and Momo need to set shit straight.

“___, I’m sorry, I love you, you’ll always be my best friend, whether or not you forgive me, I hope you know that I had no intentions to hurt you.”

“Yaoyorozu, maybe at some point, we can be friends again like we used to be, but for now, I want to keep some distance, I just want a little peace, I want to see what it’s like to be on my own.”

“O-Okay, that’s okay, I can do that, we can do that, thank you.”

“I love you, too, by the way.”

And you won’t forget the smile the smile that graces her face afterwards.

-

“So I heard…from my pet fish…that Todoroki Shoto, happened to have a crush on me before our lessons.”

“Does your pet fish happen to be called Yaoyorozu Momo?”

“Maybe…” You trail off, playing with Shoto’s red-white hair and placing kisses around his scar.

“I’m honestly surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner, I thought maybe it was obvious I was lying to you a little bit when I came to you three weeks ago.” A sweet sigh leaves Shoto’s lips as you pepper his face with kisses.

“Shoto, I couldn’t pick up the fact you liked me even after our kiss, also you called me a deflated whale when we first met, do you really think-”

“Does it really matter how long I liked you? I mean I thought it was obvious that this whole time I was using our lessons to spend more time with you, besides, even if I didn’t use our lessons for Momo, at least…at least they came in use at the end,” Shoto sits up and pulls out the notebook he brought with him the first time he came around, flipping through the pages showing you all his notes that seemed to be centred around you, and the terrible (don’t worry I won’t tell him you thought that) drawings of you he had attempted, it was so wholesome you thought you might burst into tears.

“Besides, asking why you looked like a deflated whale when you were sad was just an excuse to talk to you anyway. It kind of frustrated me when you started crying about how you were never someone’s first choice.”

“Why?” God you’re so clueless.

“Because you’ve always been my first choice, even if I didn’t show it.”

#bnha todoroki #bnha imagines #bnha todomomo #todoroki imagine #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shoto torodoki #bnha headcanons #bnha x y/n

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: vii, viii

"What? They can't just break up like that!" you gaped, shaking Renjun's shoulder lightly to exaggerate your point. Renjun rolled his eyes before clicking his tongue, "oh come on, you didn't see that coming? Their relationship was bound to end at some point, y/n."

You were both binge watching the ninth season of The Big Bang Theory at your house, originally planning to study and do chemistry homework  together, but being the procrastinator you were, you ended up getting distracted. Hence, why the two of you are sitting on your bed watching one of the most heartbreaking episodes on The Big Bang Theory while munching on some pizza,

“But they were so cute together! My Shelamy heart can’t take this, Injun!” you shook your best friend aggressively as you continue to whine, ignoring the sighing boy who was contemplating on why he was even friends with you in the first place. “He even got a ring for her, if that isn’t the cutest thing ever then I don’t know what is,” you groaned, collapsing on your bed as the thought of someone giving you a wedding ring made your heart flutter.

“Always the hopeless romantic,” Renjun sighs, running a hand down his face as if to say ‘I’m so done right now’. “Disgusting,” he teased, letting out a soft grunt once he felt you throw a pillow at the back of his head. “Shut up, nerd. You still have to find your soulmate, why not let your magnificent best friend mourn over the fact that she’s gonna be single for the rest of her life and let a girl dream?” you joked, earning a dark glare from Renjun.

Ouch, why did that hurt? It was your own joke after all. 

“Don’t say that you sadist. You need to stop making jokes bout the bad things in life, that’s not very healthy.” Renjun lectured, his hand coming up to pinch your cheek hard. You frowned, pulling his hand away from you as you chuckled nervously. “You know me, Jun. Humor is a coping mechanism for everything. I’m mad at you when you mock me for simping over Timothée Chalamet when he starred on Little Women? I use sarcastic humor as a revenge.” 

“I feel frustrated for failing that test because the damn substitute teacher wouldn’t believe me that I didn’t skip school instead of spending the whole day in the infirmary with a twisted ankle, watching Goblin with the nurse? I use sardonic humor to snap back at said teacher.”

“I get sad for accepting the fact that I am going to be single for the rest of my life? I use dark humor to cope with it instead of curling up in a ball and eat ice cream for the rest of my life and get Type 2 Diabetes.” you shrugged shamelessly as Renjun gaped at you, rubbing his temples to slowly process on your words. “Okay, firstly,” he started.

“One, Timothée Chalamet in that movie was desperately simping over a girl who clearly didn’t deserve him. Come on, tell me you didn’t get annoyed when he keep saying the l word at Jo despite her spilling her feelings out and rejecting him countless of times.” Renjun inhaled, his eyes boring widely into yours, his words speaking nothing but facts. “I get that but-” you started before the older boy cut you off, “I’m not done yet.”

“Secondly, that substitute teacher wasn’t even a teacher. She was an ear raping machine, no one liked her. Also, I gotta admit spending a whole school day watching the Goblin arguing with The Grim Reaper instead of spending excruciating hours writing your wrist off and trying not to snooze in the middle of Mr. Lee’s math lecture would’ve been the most luxurious thing a student could ever ask for”. And I am pissed off you got injured and left me there in class, suffering all by myself.” he laughed, flicking you on the forehead teasingly.

“Lastly, if you want to say something bout Jaemin, you know you could’ve just say so instead of sugar coating it.” Renjun sucked in his lips, smacking you with the pillow you threw at him previously, mentally preparing himself to comfort you knowing that you’re bout to go on another rant of how much you missed Jaemin. But if it helps you feel better and take another small step to moving on, then he’ll listen to you rant til his brain implodes.

You frowned, letting out a soft chuckle. “You know me too well, Jun.” you felt tears lining up your eyes, you leaned your head up, trying to blink the tears away. “It’s not helping when he’s literally next door. Or in the same school as I am, or in the same planet.” you leaned back to lay on your back on the mattress, your pillow hugged tightly to your chest as you let out a heavy, frustrated sigh.

Renjun patted your knee, silently urging you to continue to let out your thoughts. You couldn’t advert your gaze away from your ceiling, “He used to be so sweet before this whole soulmate ordeal,” you began with a sniffle. “Honestly, middle school was one of the best eras of my life. When me and Jaemin were just clowns on crack playing Five Nights At Freddy’s and goofing off, it still makes my heart flutter when I think bout the memorable moments we shared in middle school.” you closed your eyes as a flood of memories clouded your mind.

  7th grade, an iconic year for your friendship. “Y/N!” Jaemin called out from the other side of the classroom, causing you to turn to him in the middle of your little gossip session with your friends. “You wanna play truth or dare with us?” he asked with a sweet smile, a few of your classmates gathering to the back of the class to sit down in a circle. You nodded in excitement, ditching your friends in hopes you get a spicy dare.

You sat in between Lia and Jeno, rubbing your hands together as you waited your turn to either give or receive a truth or dare. “Jaemin! Truth or dare?” a boy whose name you can’t recall asked with a mischievous smile. Jaemin rolled his eyes before answering “dare” with a bold, cocky smirk, eyes practically challenging his classmate to give him an extreme dare. The boy stopped to contemplate before turning to him with a cheeky chesire grin.

“Since you’re so close to Y/n, why don’t you sit on her lap?” the boy snarled, causing your classmates to let out whistles and soft “ooo”s around you. You raised a brow, “wait a second, that’s not fair. This is his dare not mine, why am I the one being sat on.” you whined as Jaemin tried to hide his flustered expression of sitting on his best friend’s lap. “Well, it’s a dare either way, he’s gotta do it whether he wants to or not.” he stuck his tongue out at you as you hissed back.

“Fine.” you mumbled as Jaemin laughed and tried to conceal his flustered expression and sat on your lap idly, his hands in between his legs as you try to restrain yourself from wrapping your arms around his waist and making things even more awkward than it already is. “What’s the big deal? You wanted me to sit on her lap, why are you so shocked?” Jaemin laughed as a few of your classmates just stared at the two of you in disbelief. 

“How are you not uncomfortable with a guy sitting on top of your lap?” your friend asked from across the group circle. You shrugged, raising your brow as Jaemin lets out a laugh, shrugging in response as well. “Is it wrong for a person to sit on their best friend’s lap?” Jaemin asked with a raise of his brow, a teasing smile evident on his face as your friend struggled to find the words to say next.

“I must admit, you are quite heavy. I don’t think my legs are going to last long with your heavy, tall giraffe-like body.” you laughed, causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you with a glare, letting out a small sinister smile. ”That sounds like a ‘you’ problem, y/n. Suffer.” he spoke in a bittersweet tone.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you had Mr. Na Jaemin sitting on your lap? For how long? All because of a dare?” Renjun paused, rubbing his temples to process this whole information. He knew Jaemin was a shameless and rather affectionately touchy boy, but he didn’t know that he was willing to accept such a gutsy dare. Yet again, this is you, he’s talking bout. The person who kept going for two years despite being rejected and gossiped left and right.

You shrugged, sitting up on the bed. “I was like, 11 years old. What do you want me to do, Huang? Born to be the family disgrace.” you grinned proudly, wiggling your brows as you placed a hand under your chin to pose dramatically. “You shouldn’t be proud of that. Weird flex but okay,” Renjun sighed heavily, raising a bottle of coke to his lips.

You inhaled as you began to spill another memorable moment from your childhood. 

If there was one thing you and Jaemin had in common, it was that you both have absolutely no shame when flaring your dramatics.

It was 5th grade, you assume, when you and Jaemin had your first indirect kiss. It was a disturbingly iconic moment for the two of you, considering years after the incident you two kept doing it as if it were a part of your daily routine. You were at that age where kids around you were starting to take notice bout the soulmate concept. Teachers began explaining how the soulmate system worked during science class, causing you to involuntarily look at Jaemin from time to time to catch his disgusted expressions.

Often, snickering at the boy sitting in front of you who was gagging and mimicking the teacher as she explains. Sticking his tongue out in disgust when they started explaining the left tattoo concept. Jaemin sighed heavily, his hand stretching out to grab the water bottle on his table. His finger raised to push the lid off with a small pop, drinking without hesitation.

Jaemin looked down as he closed the lid and his brows furrowed at the oh-so-familiar name label on the lid of said water bottle. Written on the pink label with a sailor moon picture on the side was Y/N L/N. Jaemin almost threw up when he turned to you slowly, making you look up from your notes to give him a questioning nod at his horrified expression.

The little boy raised the water bottle to show you your little sailor moon label, making you raise your brow questioningly, as if to say, ‘what’s wrong with my sailor moon label?’ 

Crud, he forgot you were using the same water bottles your parents got you when you were both shopping at the thrift store.

Your eyes widened in realization when Jaemin pointed at himself and your bottle, trying not to scream in terror and get a scolding from your strict science teacher. ‘Did you,’ you mouthed, pointing an accusitory finger at the boy sitting in distress in front of you. ‘Drink from my,’ you continued, using your other hand to point dramatically at yourself then to your bottle that was still in his hands. ’My bottle?’ you asked with wide terrified eyes.

Jaemin practically gulped nervously, nodding in response. You both took a moment just staring into each other’s terrified expression, before mouthing ‘what the heck?!’ or ‘oh crud’ repeatedly, as to not gain your teacher’s attention.’You drank from my water bottle, Jaemin?!’ you mouthed, rubbing your hands against your face in distress. ‘How am i suppose to drink now?’ you whined, facepalming now that Jaemin had placed your water bottle back on your desk.

‘How am I suppose to live now knowing your spit is basically in my body? ‘ Jaemin shudders in response, grabbing his throat with disgust laced across his face. ‘Gross, I have your germs in my mouth.’ he stuck his tongue out in disgust, fake gagging as you rolled your eyes.

Renjun just gave you an incredulous look, his mouth gaping open, trying to decide whether to laugh or shake his head profusely. “Gosh, you two were born to be so dramatic. Seriously, while other people are having a mental breakdown over doing algebra, you two were in the back of the class making lovey-dovey faces because you two had your first indirect kiss.” Renjun laughed, clapping his hands as he howled back in laughter.

You sat up and whined, smacking your best friend with the pillow you were hugging earlier, causing him to laugh even more.”Oh god, I wish I came here sooner to witness that.” he wheezed, dodging your hits with his forearms as you continued to smack him on the face, chanting “shut up, Huang!” repeatedly in shame.

“I couldn’t drink from that bottle for months! It was my favorite bottle, too! The fact that Jaemin brings that bottle to school everyday was just traumatizing for the both of us! Instant trauma,” you groaned, leaning back dramatically against the mattress. Renjun laughed, smacking you with a pillow. “How did that even happen?” he asked incredulously.

“Some kid decided it would be funny to switch our bottles.” you pouted, stretching your arms across the bed like a starfish. “Did you two do anything bout it?” Renjun asked, his brows raising in amusement, practically eating your hilarious story up like it was a tub of candy. You sighed, looking away for a moment before mumbling under your breath.

“Jaemin said we should’ve replace the water in his water bottle with tap water from the bathroom, but I didn’t want to risk the guy getting a tummy ache so I spat in his drink instead.“

Renjun howled with laughter, a hand coming to hold his stomach as he leaned his head back laughing. “Why would you- Oh my god, this is gold. I can’t-” he wheezed, tears lining his vision as his tummy started to ache from laughing so hard. “Shut up! I was like, nine years old at the time. At that exact moment I felt no remorse for my actions whatsoever but now that I said it, it makes me feel even worse!” you whine, your feet kicking Renjun off the bed.

He landed on your carpet floor with a loud thud, his laughter subsiding into giggles. “That’s the chaotic energy everyone in this generation wants to have, holy shit, why wasn’t this documented ? This could’ve gone down as one of the most iconic moments in history. Honestly, whoever that kid who switched your bottle was, he’s that hero that doesn’t even need a cape.” he jokes, sitting up to earn a death glare from you.

Oh, if looks could kill, right now.

“Whatever, you sadist. Enjoying your time as you watch me suffer in despair.” you swung your arm over your eyes dramatically, feeling the mattress sink, assuming that Renjun had climbed onto the bed once again. “Come on, tell me another one. I promise I won’t laugh,” Renjun raised his pinkie finger with a soft smile. You raised your brow at him with your lips in a frown, causing Renjun to shrug innocently, “too much.”

You inhaled, your mind delving deep into the loving memories you had with Jaemin throughout your life. Your heart clenched at the next story you were bout to tell, the memory making your heart wanting to reach out for his even more. “Well, there was this one time-”

  Ninth grade. Senior year of middle school. The previous day, you danced under the rain as Jaemin watched you from under the bus stop, hiding for shelter as you jumped around the empty cold streets. The fresh smell of rain hitting your nostrils as water made your clothes clung to your skin. Unfortunately for you, the next day you immediately got sick with a fever.

Receiving countless of text messages saying either ‘I told you so’ or ‘lucky bitch, you get to miss our physics test’ from Jaemin. You were shivering under the layers of blankets and hoodies you were wearing, stirring awake every hour due to how cold or thirsty you felt, tossing and turning every now and then. You turned when you heard your bedroom door opening, wondering who it was considering both your parents were busy at work at this hour.

Your eyes widened to see Jaemin, a coat hanging over his arm as he closed the door, and a plastic bag filled with delicious warm soup that you could smell from a mile away. “I can’t believe you left me to suffer all alone in school, I swear you purposely didn’t listen to me because you didn’t want to do that boring test.” Jaemin whined, a pout evident on his lips.

“Nana!” you exclaimed in a giddish tone, making grabby hands at him. Jaemin chuckled as he walked closer to your bed, sitting on the corner of your bed beside you, leaning his back against the headboard. He lays his coat on the chair behind your study desk, putting the plastic bag of food on your lap when you sat up. “Eat up. The sooner you get better, the sooner I can hug you to death for leaving me today.” He jokes.

You smiled, opening the plastic container inside to smell the scrumptious soup inside. “Chicken noodle soup, your favourite.” he spoke in a soft tone, smiling lightly at you. You grinned, grabbing the plastic spoon that came with it. “What? No soda on the side?” you grinned cheekily, earning a soft pinch to your cheek by your best friend. “Don’t you dare make song references in front of me as if you didn’t listen to me bout dancing under the rain yesterday, look where it got you now.” he tuts, shaking his head in a motherly manner.

“Geez, sorry, mom.” you teased, beginning to consuming your soup. “You’re sweating a lot, that’s a good sign.” Jaemin pushed a strand of hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear, the sudden action causing you to pause from your eating for a brief moment, before shrugging it off. “I’ll probably feel be back to normal in a day or two.” you shrugged, gulping down a spoon full of soup.

“You’re gonna need to change, take your hoodie off.” Jaemin exclaimed, pulling your almost finished soup away from you. You let out a loud, “huh?” in response, your eyes widening at his sudden statement, trying to see if he was joking but no, Jaemin was dead ass serious.

“Take your hoodie off.” Jaemin ordered. “Jaemin!” you exclaimed, pulling your blankets up to your chin, protecting yourself from him. “You’re not gona get any better with wet stinky clothes on you, Y/N.” Jaemin rolled his eyes, walking over to your closet to grab a really baggy shirt of yours, tossing the big fabric over your face. You sat up and pulled the shirt off of your face to see Jaemin strip the white hoodie he was wearing over his body.

Your eyes caught the black shirt he was wearing underneathe had tugged up along with his hoodie, exposing his toned stomach to prove the results of how much time he spent working out at the gym with Jeno recently. 

You squeaked at the action, looking away with a small blush tinting your cheeks. “Jaemin, what are you-” you flushed, taking the risk of looking at Jaemin again with a flustered expression to see your best friend standing in front of you with his white hoodie clutched in his hands. “Change your clothes, you’re gonna get even more sick if you lay there with wet clothes. You ran out of hoodies, use mine, instead.” he spoke sternly.

“Jaemin, I don’t think that that’s really necessary-” you let out a small squeak when Jaemin’s face came close to yours, his hand laying on your forehead and the other laying on his own. “You’re fever’s getting even worse. Change clothes and finish your soup while I get a warm towel ready, Y/n” He spoke, turning to leave your room, shutting the door behind him, unaware of how red your face must’ve been at the sudden contact.

You felt your heart beat increase at the actions that had happen before you, Jaemin’s hoodie resting on your lap, his strong cologne filling your senses, causing you to flush red even more as you tugged your wet sweaty clothes off and changed into the shirt and hoodie Jaemin picked out for you. You bit your lip when you could practically feel his scent engulf your whole being, your face becoming more red.

Did he always smell this nice?

The fresh smell of cinnamon and comfort was the only thing you could say to describe the indescribable scent of your best friend. You felt your heart flutter at the thought of constantly wearing his hoodie, but your thoughts were quickly interrupted when Jaemin came into your room with a bucket filled with warm water and a towel in hand.

“Lay down, y/n” he ordered, sitting on the bed beside you as you sunk down on the bed, pulling your bed sheets up to your nose so he wouldn’t see how red your face is. Jaemin didn’t think much of it when he dipped the water in the warm water, squeezing the water out to leave the towel warm and soaked, laying the warm towel on your forehead.

“You really didn’t have to do this, you know.” you bit your lip, sighing at the contact of his fingertips grazing against your skin as he layed the towel gently on your forehead. “I know, but you’ll probably die here if I don’t,” he chuckles. dipping the towel again once it got cold, squeezing the water out before placing it back on your forehead. “Does that mean you care bout me, Na Jaemin?” you smirked. “That’s quite embarrassing.” you teased.

Jaemin rolled his eyes softly at you, pinching your cheeks before cooping your nose. “There’s nothing embarrassing for a guy to care for his girl.” he commented simply. It felt like an arrow of pure adoration had struck through your heart. Well, that comment backfired. Wait, what does he mean by ‘his girl’?

“I’m your girl?” you spoke after a moment of hesitation, feeling your heart race against your ribcage once again. Jaemin chuckled, flicking your forehead teasingly, “not like that, you cheeseball.” he grinned, booping your nose once again before removing the towel from your forehead.

“Get some sleep, I’ll be right here when you need me. That is, unless your parents kick me out for staying too long.” he giggles, carressing your hair with his calloused fingers. “They’ll never kick you out, you live literally next door, Nana.” you giggled, nuzzling against his touch. Jaemin chuckled, putting the towel into the bucket before leaning in to give you a sweet kiss on your forehead.

Your eyes widened at the sudden act of affection, causing Jaemin to grin shyly. “You just look adorable, right now.” he mumbles under his breath before standing up and walking towards the door. “Go to sleep! I’ll be watching TV if you need me!” Jaemin exclaimed before closing the door with a soft click.

I don’t know bout you, but you knew you couldn’t sleep after his sudden display of affection.

You didn’t even realize tears were slowly streaming down your face until you let out a soft sob, Renjun’s figure coming close to comfort you. You felt Renjun’s arm wrap around your back, his hand coming up to your head to lean it against his shoulder. You sniffled, trying to swallow the sob that’s waiting to erupt from your mouth.

It was like day one all over again, with you crying your eyes out and Renjun comforting you by your side with food and movies. You shut your eyes tight once you felt that familiar burning sensation on your wrist, your heart aching and stinging against your chest. Renjun noticed your pained expression, his hand quickly yet gently coming up to see your left wrist, his eyes widening at the sight. “I’ll get you an ice pack, okay?” Renjun asked worriedly, carressing your soulmate mark as if it would soothe the burning sensation.

You nodded, crying even more as Renjun quickly bolted out your room, his footsteps echoing down the halls. You sniffled, trying to wipe the tears away with your palms, but like an endless waterfall, it never stopped. Nor did the pain in your heart.

Renjun came back with a sympathetic expression plastered on his face, coming up to you and gently placing the frozen packet of peas he found in your freezer on your glowing red tattoo. Renjun softly shushing you and caressing the back of your hair, his own heart aching to see his best friend like this. He couldn’t count the many times you had cried to him bout Jaemin since the dinner with your parents.

The countless amount of times he would press a cold surface onto your left burning wrist.

The countless times you would rant how your heart was begging for Jaemin’s stupid presence.

The countless times he wanted to punch Jaemin for not showing a single ounce of guilt and for how oblivious the younger boy is to how much he had been inflicting your pain.

You fell asleep in Renjun’s hold, the pain on your wrist subsiding into a dull ache, your heart beat in your ears.

Jaemin practically dragged his bag on the floor as he entered the room. His mood decreasing as the seconds go by, his eyes dark with exhaustion and pain. Lately, he hasn’t been focusing properly on the tasks in front of him, his mind was always somewhere else when Coach was discussing strategies for next week’s game.

He was always spacing out to the sound of his own heart beating in his ears, his eyes setting on a certain object in the corner of the room he was in, his body freezing in place as his whole head was in a haze. He’s gotten a countless amount of scolding for spacing out in the middle of practice, the endless amount of times Coach would get a student to hold a volley ball from the storage closet, ready to hit him with whenever he spaces out during practice matches.

Today, he was on his breaking point, he recently failed his History test, then got another scolding from Coach. Hell, he was called to the office in the middle of class, the Coach’s heavy frown never bringing ease to his now tense figure. 

Jaemin collapsed on his bed with a soft thud, trying to keep his breath under control as his Coach’s words echoed in his head, his head buried into the soft fabric of his pillow. He tried to keep his mind from overthinking Coach Kim’s words adding into his stress.

“Na Jaemin, recently, I’ve become aware of how much you’ve been a little... distracted, lately. I’m sorry to say but as Captain of the whole team, you need to be on full focus for the game. If you can’t do that then I’m afraid someone else will.”

Jaemin gripped his pillow tightly, his breathing deepen as he tries to calm himself, his heart beat increasing. He squeezed his eyes tight, the look of disappointment in his team’s expression was all he could think bout for the rest of the day. His heart feeling heavy in his chest.

“I know, I know, this seems too far but, we can’t afford to lose the school winning streak all because of our captain spacing out because of who knows what! I know I sound delirious for saying this, but we can’t risk this.” 

Jaemin remembered the heavy feeling of promising his Coach that he will get his problems sorted out right away so it wouldn’t interfere in the way of winning the game. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if the endless hard work he puts into playing football the past two years went to waste when the position he trained so hard to earn was taken away just like that.

Jaemin sniffled, sitting up as he tries to shake those thoughts away. His eyes blurring slightly at his Coach’s words repeating themselves inside of his head. He stood up, stretching his arms out to release the tension in his muscles, as he tries to delve into a more positive state of mind. His eyes closing in concentration.

‘Don’t think so negatively, Jaemin. You can do this, just stay focused at the task at hand and worry bout this weird pain after the game.’

Jaemin unconsciously walked towards his window, an exhausted groan eliciting from his mouth. ‘You’ve got this !’ he thought with determination, calming his thoughts as a content smile stretched across his face. Jaemin opened his eyes slowly, his bunny smile immediately dissipated into a deep frown, his eyes widen slightly at the sight from the window across his.

You were with Renjun on your bed, doing what looks like cuddling in each other’s warm embrace. You were sitting in between Renjun’s legs, your back facing Jaemin, making him unable to see your expression. Your head was leaning against Renjun’s shoulder, his hand coming up to caress the back of your head. Jaemin’s eyes never left your figure being in such an intimate position with Renjun.

Jaemin felt his own blood boiling, his previously sour mood returning in an instant, his heart beating in his ears as his eyes stared daggers into Renjun’s head. He watched as Renjun’s eyes gaze contently to your figure laying comfortably on his, his fists clenching even more at the sight. That is, until Jaemin snapped out of it with a shake of his head. 

What was wrong with him?

Why was he feeling so angry bout seeing you cuddling with someone like that?

Yet again, when was the last time you cuddled him like that. Jaemin pulled his curtains to cover the sight across him, walking to the bed, running a hand through his hair. before leaning back to lay down on his mattress with his back facing his white sheets.

Jaemin sighed as he got lost in his own thoughts once again. When was the last time he cuddled you? Or held your hand? His head turned to the side, eyes scanning the picture frames he hung up on the walls of his room, stopping at the picture you took on your trip to Busan during winter back in 7th grade.

In the picture, you had Jaemin wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a gentle embrace. Your smile wide and your expression filled with laughter as Jaemin's happy one focused on the camera. Your eyes weren't on the camera, though, they were on him.

Cheeks and noses warm and red from the cold snow, clothes stained with the snow you played with to make snow angels and snowmen, your smile so wide, Jaemin could almost hear your bright laughter from the picture itself. As if he was reliving in that exact moment.

When did you stop smiling like that?

Jaemin realised he never noticed how forced your smiles became, how you use humor to mask every single emotion, how no matter how tired you are, you always manage to joke bout the littlest things to make him crack a smile.

"Why are you sad?" Jaemin asked as he drove you home one day, you glanced up at him with exhaustion glossing over your pupils, showing how pained you were for a split second, before you crack into a loving eye smile.

"I'm not sad, silly. I'm just tired of Mrs. Lee getting up in my ass yelling at my ear as if she was begging for my head to explode and have blood erupting out of my neck like a distorted volcano pms-ing." you joked, causing Jaemin to let out a soft laugh.

"You have the weirdest thoughts, I swear." he shook his head, his eyes glancing at you for a split second before returning to the road. "You're not normal yourself, Nana. We're all clowns in this generation, don't act like its a weird thing." you laughed, smacking his shoulder lightly.

Jaemin raised his brow at you, "me? A clown? You're practically born in a circus." he chuckled. "Says the person who says 'wow' every five seconds for the simplest of things. Post Malone basically wrote that song off of you, you should sue." you giggled, causing him to giggle.

"I am praying to God so that he could add at least add more braincells into that silly head of yours." Jaemin laughed. "God made me to be a clown, I must live on with my purpose, Nana." you added with a wink. "And a simp, too." you giggled.

Jaemin rolled his eyes at the memory, smiling at your terrible attempt at flirting. But his smile turned into a concerned expression once he remembers how pained your eyes looked at the time. As if you were holding pent up frustration, pain and emotion behind the humor.

Since when did you try to hide everything with humor? And when did he start to be one of those people who believed that you were okay behind that bright exterior? He was your soulmate for-

Wait, a second. Your soulmate? Why was he addressing himself like this? So what if he's your soulmate? It doesn't give him the right to barge into your personal problems. You didn't want to do anything with him after that dinner party, so why would he bother to think bout you when you were probably moving on with Renjun?

Jaemin licked his lips bitterly, his brows furrowed in frustration. A hand coming up to rub his face in distress, what was wrong with him these days?

Jaemin's thoughts went to how your body slumped weakly in Renjun's embrace, his eyes glancing down at your figure in a protective manner, his hand caressing your soft hair to soothe and comfort you. Jaemin knew how this would lull you to sleep in an instant, send you in a cuddly haze in people's arms.

Why did he know this?

Because he was the first one to experience it first hand, why should Renjun experience such an endearing moment? Why should Renjun see how vulnerable you are when it comes to-

Jaemin winced as the familiar pain in his chest resurfaced, his wrist aching again. He closed his eyes, 'not this again,' he thought to himself. Jaemin leaned over his drawer, his heart aching heavily against his chest as he opened the drawer to pull out a couple of pain killers

Tags: @lixseu @morks-watermelon @cherrystay @candiednickles @12am-musings @lowkeyviv @btm-taeyong @d-nghyck @gothmingguk @luvlyjaemin @cowward @smileyyuta

Couldn't tag: @/uncovermenow666 @/cakelyn

#nct x reader #nct angst #nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct dream x you #na jaemin #nct #jaemin x reader #jaemin x you #nct jaemin #jaemin #na jaemin x reader #nct jaemin x reader #nct x you #nct x y/n #nct x oc

[bbaronpiper]

I’m Home

where are my angsty people at?  😂 this was requested by a lovely anon. I just couldn’t find the post but here’s what’s requested. Hope you like it tho. 

1. And that makes it okay? 19. Don’t you think you’ve done enough? 25 We’re you trying to destroy us? 27 Is the weight of it all finally too heavy?” 37. Is this how you thought your life would be?”

Also, I tried to write fluff but I just can’t maybe the next one will be. Someoneee pleaassseee write fluff aron imagine. I’ve been dying to read a new one. pleaaaseee? <3

“Is this how you thought your life would be?” your best friend said, knocking some sense into your thick brain for the nth time for the last year and a half now. It’s more of a statement than a question referring to you and Arón’s relationship or whatever it is that you two have.

Instead of answering, you just took a sip on your coffee and shrugged, too tired to go through this again. Your best friend sighs and rolled her eyes. She was probably tired too on giving you advices but you never actually do something about it.  She’s totally against it, not against Arón, but against the fact that you two did everything together: laugh, cry, fight, be there for each other, fuck each other, meet each other’s friends and family, everything any couple would do. Except that you’re not.  For her, you deserve more than to be the girl who doesn’t know where to stand with him.

But for you, it didn’t matter. You didn’t want to push him if he’s not ready for a commitment. You knew his past relationship and it’s ugly. You had your unfortunate experiences as well but you two are different people. Both of you have different ways of coping and you totally understand if he doesn’t want to jump into that roller coaster ride again. What’s important for you is that he’s happy: You’re both happy even without that fucking label. You knew it has its pros and cons and most of the time it didn’t bother you until now.

It has been going on for a few months. Not exactly to be proud of but you are too stubborn to admit it. Your faith in him was too strong but you knew. You can feel it. He’s slipping away. Hugs don’t feel as warm and kisses just don’t feel the same. He’s growing distant for the reason you weren’t aware of and too damn scared to ask. ‘Cos you know, no labels right? You mean, you even question yourself nowadays if you even have the right to.

Your thoughts were interrupted by your phone ringing. Looking down on it and saw Arón’s name flashing on the screen.

Y/N: Hey, what’s up?

A: Hi Y/N, I’ll be home in an hour.

Y/N: okay see you.

A: okay. Bye. Can’t wait to be with you tonight.

Your heart flutters as you heard his voice even so when he said ‘home’ knowing he wasn’t referring to your apartment as you both have your own but he spend most night at yours.

Home was never a place, he once said. It was you and damn the stupid smile you had on your lips that one night he told you this.

You hanged up the phone and looked at your best friend from across the table. All she did was nod and you go back home running. You were excited to see him. He just got back from his weekend getaway with his friends. Of course, he had asked you to come but unfortunately you can’t because of work and promised you’ll make up to him next time.

You changed into more comfortable clothes and do your night routine the moment you came home. But you kept hearing your best friend’s voice inside your head over and over again like a prayer. Is this how you thought your life would be? You thought of addressing this issue with Arón you just don’t know when and how.

As if on cue, you heard the door knob twist open, revealing a curly-haired boy you love so much enough to make your knees weak. You smiled brightly at him as he did to you, engulfing you into his arms tightly, you buried your face into the crook of his neck savoring his distinct perfume. He pulled his head back, looked at you and pecked you on the lips. You closed your eyes briefly and opening it back again the second his lips left yours. There it goes again. The empty kisses. It felt like a routine. Something he had to do and not something he really wanted to do. You tried to mask your disappointment as you gave him a weak smile.

“I bought us dinner!” Arón said enthusiastically, wiggling the paper bag in front of your face. “It’s your favorite” he added. Damn that smile he had on his face, it made your heart flutter for the second time today.

“Yeah thanks, but before we eat, can you please take a shower first? Damn you stink!” you teased him. Pinching your nose.

“huh, okay….” He looked at you for a moment before grabbing the back of your head and slamming you into his armpits. “No! Y/N! take it back! I mean, go smell it for yourself!” he said laughing. Of course, he heard a lot of curses from you telling him to let you go and that he really stinks even though he’s not.

After so many attempts, he let you go eventually. He then walked over to the kitchen counter and drop everything including the backpack he had on him and his phone.

Arón being the naughty boy he is, asked you to shower with him in which you refused telling him you just showered when you got home and will just prepare the table for dinner. Of course, he pouted at you like a baby, most of the time it would work but not tonight. Not after you heard your best friend’s voice inside your head again repeating the same question she asked you earlier.

Times like this makes you so confused. He acts all lovey dovey now but some days he won’t. It’s nothing. He’s just busy. You tried to fight it as you repeat the words trying to reassure yourself but you knew deep down something was off. There’s something about a gut feeling that’s too strong for you to ignore.

But lucky you, fate decided to refrain you from prolonging your heartbreak. You heard Arón’s phone vibrate against the marbled kitchen counter. You knew it wasn’t right. You knew you didn’t have the right to go through his personal belongings. You have never done it before and you thought you never will but something in you made you do it tonight. You had to know what’s causing this.

You took all the strength in you to grab his phone on the counter. It’s notification box screaming at you: your knees trembling, your lips quivering, your hands ice cold, your face pale like a fucking vampire, and tears threatening to fall as you stared down on it.

Message from: *insert name of a girl* (I don’t wanna name names at this time, you know. Lol)

Can’t wait ‘til our next getaway! You gave me a new meaning of fun. *wink emoji*

You felt like someone threw you a bucket full of cold water and ice over your head. You felt so cold, it made you numb from head to toe. It was a simple text, probably meant nothing. With shaky hands, you put the phone down on where you got it from. You grabbed the chair closest to you for support as you felt your stomach get sick. Like you’re about to throw up. Not to mention that tightness in your chest that made you gasp out for air. You heard the bathroom door opening but there’s nothing you can do about it. you just stood there with your hand gripping at the back of a chair tightly like your life depended on it and the other over your chest as if it will hold your heart in one piece but it’s too late for that now.

The moment Arón stepped outside of the bathroom and saw you like that, he quickly ran over to you. He grabbed you by the waist and slightly pulled you up as you were about to fall on the floor. Blame your weak knees. No. Blame this man in front of you.

“Hey, heyyy, What’s wrong?” he asked concerned. He really is. You heard it in his voice. “Y/N! C’mon look at me. Look at me baby” Arón said as he grabbed your face in one hand trying to get you to look at him. You just stared at him unable to form words. You tried but no voice came out but the tears stream down your face instead which made him more worried than he was a minute ago.

You just hugged him. Your arms wrapped around his neck, your face buried on his chest as you cried. His warm skin against yours brought comfort. There’s still few droplets of water on his upper body, his hair slightly dripping and all he had was a towel wrapped around his waist but none of you cared. You just stood there hugging and him running his hand up and down your spine trying to comfort you, not knowing he’s the cause of all this. You savor the moment as this will be the last. You are sure of it now.  

Once you found your strength, you pulled away and spoke.

“Were you trying to destroy us? Were you trying to destroy me? ‘cos you definitely did.” You sniffed and wipe your tears with your hands.

He looked at you confused like you just grown a second head.

“Que?” he asked tilting his head to the side slightly. “What do you mean babe? I would never-”

“Please don’t make it hurt more by lying to my face.” Your lips are trembling and the tears are non-stop. He looked away from you and bit his lips probably trying to keep the truth from coming out or probably trying to stop the tears. But you knew he saw the pain in your eyes and it’s too much for him to handle now confirming that all this is because of him.

“What are we really, Arón?” you tried again. You were surprised by your sudden bravery to say this out loud even Arón was shocked as he whipped his head back to face you.

“We’re happy. That’s what matters, right?” he spoke slowly, afraid that his answer will never be good enough for you and damn right it’s not.

You backed up a few more inches away from him while laughing sarcastically through the tears. You then pursed your lips into thin line and nodding your head a few times. Accepting the fact that he’s still not ready to commit.

“Please say something” he whispered with his strained voice. He rubbed his hands on his face, something he does when he’s uneasy, stressed or afraid. He stepped forward and by this you knew that he wanted to hold you. he wanted to feel the warmth of your body but the look you are giving him is enough to know that you wanted your space.

“What do you want me to say?” you whispered back. Tired of all the crying. Tired of pretending everything is fine even though you knew for months that whatever you two have is bound to end soon. “Do you want me to say that I knew you were with someone else these past few days? Huh Arón?” you said calmly more than ever which made Arón really terrified. “Do you want me to say that I felt it months ago? That you’re drifting away? But kept my mouth shut?”

“She’s just a friend, okay? Nothing happened between us. You gotta trust me Y/N” he defended. His heart hammering against his chest, hard.

“Wow. Trust. Big word!” you spat back. “How can you ask me to trust you when you can’t even give the same trust I was asking you when I told you I’m not her! That I won’t do whatever the fuck it is that she did to you!” you said referring to his ex.

And there it is. His defensive side that always resurfaced every time you mentioned her. You saw his face slowly turn red. Annoyance painted on his face

“This has nothing to do with her Y/N! besides, it’s not like I cheated on you we’re not even offic-” he stopped himself. He didn’t mean to say it.

“Official.” You finished for him. He swallowed the lump on his throat getting nervous as ever as his eyes fell on the floor. “and that makes it okay?” you asked him sincerely. ‘cos you thought, even though without a label, you two had mutual understanding that both of you love each other enough not to let anyone else get between the two of you. The doubts, the fear, the stinging in your heart is consuming you. It made your judgement cloudy. Now, you’re starting to believe that everything was a lie.

Slowly accepting the harsh truth. You decided for the both of you. You didn’t even let him explain himself. You’re done, your best friend was right all along. You didn’t deserve this.

You took a deep breath. You had to stop the tears and say this firmly.

“It’s okay Arón”

That’s when his eyes shot back up at you. That’s when he knew you’ve given up on him, on both of you. That was the sign you wouldn’t put up a fight anymore. He stared at you blankly as flashes of memories clouded his vision. Memories of you: good and bad. He watched how he treated you for the past year and a half. Specially these past few months. He now saw how fucked up he is and how stupid he is to let it fall apart like this. He was so scared on commitment to the point that he didn’t see how worthy you are. How different you are from the other girls he met.

It felt like a big punch on the face for him.

“No, please Y/N” his lips trembling as he tried to reach for you. “Don’t say that please.” Arón whispered walking closer to you. Trying to break down the wall you’ve put up between the two of you. He intertwined his fingers on yours, his gaze piercing straight to yours as he tried to find any direction because he has no clue on how to fix this or if it was even possible to fix it.

“Arón, really, It’s okay” you stated again. You already made your choice.

“NO! stop saying that! Joder! You know it’s not fucking okay!” Arón cried. It surprised you. He never cried for you before but your calmness over this whole thing is driving him crazy. He can’t accept the fact that you’re acting like you knew it would end like this long before it happened, like you’re taking all the hit like you deserved it and it’s making him feel like shit.

“Just please… Tell me what you want me to do, how do I fix this?” regret, fear and pain flooding over him. But you know what they say, all of these emotions are felt when it’s too late.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” you let go of his hand which made him cry harder as he shuts his eyes tightly.  You aren’t even mad at him, you love him too much. You understood him from his point of view, it’s really difficult to put your broken heart back together and you’ll never take this against him.

This is exactly what made him love you. You were such a kind soul, a sweetheart, you always try to look the good in people. You were always so patient with him but he took advantage of it without even noticing. He broke your precious heart when you did nothing but love him unconditionally and he loves you just as much but he’s just a coward who can’t admit it.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. You don’t deserve this. I’m sorry” Arón continues to sobbed realizing how he put your love to waste and it made him look back down on the floor feeling ashamed of himself.

“I just want you to be happy.” You cupped his face making him look back at you. you were surprised on how you’re handling this too well or maybe it just haven’t sink in on you yet.

“You know I don’t deserve that” he shook his head as you shook your head yes in return, completely disagreeing to what he just spit out. “Of course, you do, silly” you gave him a sad smile as you wiped his tears. You really meant it. He really deserved to be happy after all, he’s not the monster here.

He didn’t answer for a while. “Do you want me to leave?” Arón held his breath hoping you’d answer no. Gripping on your forearm tightly not knowing if this was the last time he’ll hold you. His biggest fear came to life the second you sent him a sad smile and nodded yes slowly. He just stood there unable to move. Taking a few moments to process what has just happened before putting on his clothes and gathering his things.

He gave you a sorrowful look, he opened his mouth as if he was gonna say something but instead a soft whimper came out of his lips. Knowing that it’s time to go, and he caused you too much pain already, he leaned in closer to you and gave you a kiss on the forehead. You smiled at the feeling. oh how you’re gonna miss this so much.

“Te quiero” he whispered before turning his back at you so fast not giving you time to process and answer back.

You stared at the door as he closed it. With eyes wide surprised at what he said. Or he did he really say it or you’re just hearing things? you weren’t sure but one thing is for sure. You needed someone. Someone you can talk to, someone who will understand. You’ve been strong for far too long and you just needed someone to confide in.

You dialed the familiar number you’ve known by heart. You waited anxiously and the moment you heard her voice, you broke down to tears. And she knew. No explanations needed she just knew you too damn well. She’s your best friend after all.

“Is the weight of it all finally too heavy?” she asked sympathetically. She didn’t let you answer verbally. Your sobs are enough for her to know. “I’ll be there in a few Y/N. I’ll bring you some comfort foods” you nodded through the phone as if she can see you and quietly whispered ‘okay. Thanks’.

And true to her words, you heard a knock on your door not long after you hanged up the phone.

You walked over your front door only to reveal a boy you thought you wouldn’t see again. He has a blush pink across his cheek. His lips plump, hair slightly disheveled, his eyes red but it showed a slight hope in it.

Arón, this cabron, this boy who’s stupid enough broke your heart, and the only man who can put it back together in a swift. Standing at your door. Again. For the second time tonight.

“I’m home” he spoke.

You made your choice hours ago, but now, he’s making his and he chose to be with you. He promised to get it right this time. The girl he was with? Not important. He was telling the truth when he said nothing happened between them but being with this girl made him realize who he really wanted to be with: You. The reason behind him drifting away is that he’s too scared to fall too deep again only to get his heart broken. But after tonight, after losing you, he realized that love isn’t for the weak. It takes courage and bravery. It’s about getting your heart broken but still loving the right person with all of its broken pieces. He knows that now and he’s willing to take the risk.

You smiled and kissed his soft lips with every passion you both have in your bodies.

“I love you too… and yeah, you’re home”

#aron piper imagine #aron piper fanfic #aron piper x reader #aron piper angst #aron piper fluff #aron piper #aron piper imagines

[albstories]

no one asked for this but my thoughts on betty and folklore is just any song can be gay if you want it to be. a fun fact about me is that I’ve actually been interpreting Taylor Swift songs as gay well before folklore. so let me share with you some more Taylor songs that are gay in my eyes. obviously, I'm aware most of these songs were probably not written with the intention to be gay and I’m neither labelling Taylor’s sexuality or suggesting she should come out. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make these songs gay now, so I can relate to them.

love story

okay so this song was obviously written about a straight couple not being able to be together because of their parents like Romeo and Juliet. But if you ignore/change the pronouns to fit the story, it is about a girl (Juliet) who wants to be with her girlfriend (Romeo), but her dad is homophobic and doesn’t let Romeo near her.  She wants her girl to come and save her from her homophobic family/ town. and this lyric just fits too well “Romeo save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel, this love is difficult but it’s real, don’t be afraid we’ll make it out of this mess, it’s a love story baby just say yes”

everything has changed

this could be about two girls who started off as friends until one night they realise they have feelings for each other and after that night everything changes

i know places

it’s about a girl in a wlw relationship who can’t be out because of homophobes and she’s telling her girlfriend she “knows places” where they can hide from them 

out of the woods

it’s about a girl in a wIw relationship and they are battling with coming out and facing homophobia which puts a strain on their relationship. The woods symbolise homophobia or fearing coming out bc of homophobia they might face. And then in the bridge the lyrics are “remember when you couldn’t take the heat, I walked out, I said I’m setting you free, but the monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up you were looking at me.” This means she freaked out and almost left the relationship because of the pressure in coming out but in the end coming out wasn’t as scary as they imagined it to be or they were strong enough to handle the woods anyway. Also in the first verse when she says “you took a polaroid of us and then discovered the rest of the world was in black and white but we were in screaming colour” black and white is straight and screaming colour is gay

welcome to new york

so this song is about Taylor’s feelings moving to New York, a city that embraces freedom, and well the second verse literally sums it up “everybody here wanted something more and you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls”

new romantics

whenever I listen to new romantics its vibes remind me of a gay bar-  the chorus especially just sounds like its about the lgbtqia+ community to me “cause baby I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me, and every day is like a battle but every night with us is like a dream, baby we’re the new romantics, cmon come along with me, heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly, we’re too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet, baby we’re the new romantics, the best people in life are free” 

dancing with our hands tied

I honestly don’t know what else this song is meant to be about but I have always imagined it’s about a girl (maybe Taylor) was dating another girl in secret and then they come out and are dancing with their hands tied in public

dress

i don’t think i need to explain this one. just listen to it. it’s so gay, you can’t convince me otherwise at this point

daylight

this is about a girl finally accepting her sexuality and being happy in a wlw relationship

paper rings

there’s nothing really specific about this song to make it gay, I just love paper rings so much and it makes me wish I had a girlfriend who I could make it about

trying to prove to someone a song isn’t gay is so shitty. us wanting songs to be gay is no different to straights relating love songs and break up songs to their own personal relationships.

#taylor swift #betty #folklore #love story #everything has changed #I know places #out of the woods #welcome to new york #new romantics #dancing with your hand tied #dress #daylight #paper rings #gay #wlw

[vgckwb]

ML: Isolation Chapter 24: The Boy With The Silver Lining

The morning after the Louvre mission, Adrien woke up ecstatic. Not only did their seemingly ludicrous plan work, but today was the day he would ask Marinette out. While it only had the definitive label of “crush” since talking to Chloe two days ago, it was something that was taking shape.

Adrien got up and prepared for what he hoped would be a fantastic day. Once he was finished, he checked online to see the reaction to last night’s escapade. It was mostly the same shock and wonderment to this masked figure showing up and helping someone that Paris was slowly getting accustomed to. However, Adrien did note two things. One, while there was a response from Alix’s family thanking Cat Noir, Alix personally said nothing.

The other thing is what Alya wrote. “While I was not there personally, after looking through photos and whatever footage I could lay my hands on, this reporter has come to a stunning conclusion: The Cat Noir that appeared at the Louvre last night is not the same Cat Noir we have come to know. But why? And how did this Cat Noir know how to look and act?”

Adrien’s mouth was agape. He then chuckled slightly. “Well, I guess we really can’t get one passed Alya, huh.” He looked at the response to that to see that most people didn’t believe this claim, at least wholeheartedly. “Hmmm.” He wasn’t sure what that meant for him, his group, or Alya, but he didn’t think too much about it. He was a lot more focused on meeting with Marinette.

When Marinette woke up, she realized that today was the day that she had to confront Adrien about him hurting her feelings, albeit accidentally. She pinched herself. “Ow! Well, this is real. I guess I gotta.” She got out of bed and prepared herself. She walked downstairs. Since Saturdays were her going out to get inspiration days, her parents would make up her favorite breakfast because they knew how hard it was for her to go out at all. Marinette was surprised to see a note by the breakfast this particular morning.

She picked it up and began reading. “Hey sweetie, we know you’ve been hanging out with Adrien as well on Saturdays. We just wanted to wish you good luck. We know you like him, and we hope the best for you. -Mom and Dad”

Marinette smiled, blushed, then sat down and started eating her breakfast. Once she finished, she went back, picked up her disguise and the umbrella. Marinette looked at it. This was technically Adrien’s, but he gave it to her. Marinette smiled slightly. Right. I doubt Adrien would do anything terrible. But still… She grabbed it and headed out.

When Adrien headed down for breakfast, he noticed he was the only one of his family there. “Nathalie? Where are my parents?”

“They’re still tired from last night,” Nathalie explained dryly.

“What?” Adrien asked.

Nathalie smiled. “They’re just enjoying each other’s company this morning.”

“Oh. OK” Adrien said, still a bit confused. He ate his breakfast. “Well, I’m heading out then.”

Nathalie gave him a look. “You certainly have a spring in your step. I thought last night would have worn you out too.”

Adrien grinned. “Well, I’m meeting up with Marinette today.”

Nathalie responded with a smile of her own. “Of course. Well, have a good day.” Adrien nodded and left.

Adrien walked to the usual meeting place. He looked around, but there was no sign of Marinette. He grew worried. Thankfully, he was released from his worry when he got a message from Marinette. “I’m hidden. I need to talk with you in private.”

Adrien was confused, but went with it, since he also had something he wished to say. “OK, sure. Where are you?” Marinette gave him the location, under a local bridge, and Adrien made his way there. Once he arrived and saw Marinette, he said “Hey Marinette, what’s-”

“Adrien!” Marinette said, interrupting him and taking him by surprise. She loosened up a bit from her tight stance she took to interrupt him. “I...I need to tell you something.”

Adrien was confused and concerned, but could feel that what Marinette was about to say was important. “OK.”

Marinett sighed. “I know that you wouldn’t do this on purpose...but you hurt me…” Adrien was very surprised by that admission. “Last week, you told Kim and Ondine that we were dating, but then you told me that was a slip, an accident.” Marinette tightened her fists. “That hurt me.”

Marinette started farming tears in her eyes. “It hurt me because...because...I wanted it to be real. I wanted you to tell me that you were in love with me. Because I’m in love with you, and I wanted you to feel the same way. Because of Lila, I’ve dealt with so many fake emotions and bad faith dealings that I don’t want that; I can’t handle it. I need people to be honest with me.”

She looked Adrien in the eyes. “So please, whatever you feel, at least be honest with me. Whatever you want to do about Lila, whatever you want to do with me, that’s fine. I don’t think you’d betray me, or make fun of me, or anything like that. But I don’t want you to pretend you love me when you don’t.”

Adrien was stunned. Marinette just poured her soul out to him. He knew that couldn’t have been easy, especially since she outlined one of the big reasons why. Still, this only made him more confident to go forward with his plan. “OK Marinette,” he said, walking up to her. “No more pretending.” Marinette was concerned as Adrien inched closer. Once Adrien was close enough, he lifted Marinette’s head and kissed her.

Marinette was surprised. Her eyes were wide, and her face was as red as a strawberry. Even though she just got done saying she didn’t want Adrien to pretend, she didn’t stop the kiss because she was enjoying it, but was still overall confused. Once Adrien unlocked his lips from hers, she was befuddled. “Wha...Huh..wha?”

Adrine chuckled. “I’m not pretending, Marinette. I love you too.” Marinette was surprised. Adrien started to blush. “To be honest, it had to be spelled out for me. But me saying I was dating you was me letting my intentions slip out before I even knew them. But once I had begun accepting that that was the case, everything started to make sense.”

Marinette was flustered. She went on this tirade about how she didn’t want to be hurt, and yet Adrien kissed her and was telling her he loved her. In a panic, she spouted “You’re-You’re just saying that because I’m Ladybug! You were determined to find Ladybug, and that’s how you found me.”

Adrien didn’t stop smiling despite the accusation. “I can see why you might think that, but no.” Marinette was surprised by his immediate defense against that accusation. “I didn’t know who Ladybug was, I just knew I loved their work, and that the person behind it was something special. I admired them, but I barely knew a thing. For all I knew, Ladybug could have been 70 years old and on her third grandchild.

I wanted to meet Ladybug because I wanted to meet the person who could create such heartfelt designs. But when I met you, and realized it was you, things changed. Whenever we talked, hours felt like seconds. Whenever we hung out, it was as if the Earth stood still just for us. And whenever I was bored, or alone, my mind always drifted towards you, even in my dreams. Being Ladybug might have led me to you, but being with you led me to fall for you.”

Marinette was absolutely stunned. She had no idea such a confession was coming today. She was preparing for heartbreak when she decided that she needed to let Adrien know that she was hurt by his actions. She never expected that Adrien would love her back. She was the girl who was run out of school; The girl who lost everything; The girl who had to hide who she was. She never expected that someone could love that. But someone did. And they were right in front of her, and just kissed her.

Marinette, unable to keep her emotions inside, started bawling uncontrollably. Adrien opened his arms, and she buried her face and fists in his chest. Adrien wrapped his arms around her as she continued to let it all out.

Once Marinette finished crying, she backed up as Adrien loosened his hug, but still hung on. “Sorry” she said. Adrien was perplexed. “About your shirt.”

Adrien looked down to see that the area where Marinette’s head was resting was soaked. He smiled, giggled, and said “Oh, that’s nothing, don’t worry.” Marinette chuckled a bit. “So, are you feeling better?”

Marinette sniffed. “I think so.” She looked up at him. “Thanks.” They both blushed and averted their gaze.”So, does this mean…?”

“I’d like to think so…” Adrien answered. “If you don’t want-”

“NO!” Marinette said. “I...I really want this.”

Adrien smiled. “Well then, so do I.” They shared another kiss. After the kiss, they smiled. “So, do you still want to find some inspiration?”

Marinette shifted a little and said “Yeah.” They went back to their usual place and sat down. Marinette took out her sketchbook and began sketching. Adrien looked on, ever impressed with his new girlfriend, and even more impressed with his luck. He didn’t think things would end up like this, but they did.

They had their usual conversations, but now they were interrupted intermittently with quick smooches and blushing laughter. Truly, for the both of them, today had been magic.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fanfic #adrien #Marinette #nathalie #no kwami #NICE GABRIEL

[starstwinkleplanetsshine]

Dear Wormwood

Inspired by the song "Dear Wormwood" by The Oh Hellos, Darth Vader looks back on the last 20 years of his life and the events that led him to becoming Emperor Palpatine's apprentice and wishes he could take it all back. But just when all hope seemed lost, when Vader accepted he was doomed to live a shell of a man, every day filled with pain and regret, a glimmer of hope and Light appears to him in the form of his son, Luke Skywalker.

Luke believes there is still good in Vader, and deep down, he knows his son is right. But is it enough to make things right, or is the Light buried under too much darkness?

Read on AO3

“When I was a child

I didn't hear a single word you said

The things I was afraid of

They were all confined beneath my bed”

Vader awoke from his agonizing nightmare with a start, the same way he greeted every new day. As images of red rivers and blue blades and flowing brunette hair and bouncy lekku and burning suns faded away into the stark grey walls around him, he cursed his sleep for reminding him of a time long gone. In the early years when the weight of his losses still threatened to crush him, when the mere thought of the man who called him brother or the woman who called him husband or the girl who called him master threatened to crumple him into a ball on the floor with a single thought, he never allowed himself to sleep. He survived on hatred and anger alone, letting his suffering be his rest. It was the only way. 

But now, nearly 25 years later, those thoughts brought only a sharp sting. Vader didn’t know if he was becoming numb to the pain or if he wasn’t as affected by it anymore, and he didn’t know which answer frightened him more. And now, nearly two decades later, events had taken place that caused all those old feelings to rise to the surface, all the memories of his life before which he had forced into the darkness were being dragged out to the light, and they were too blinding. 

The first crack had appeared three years ago when he stared into the eyes of a man he thought was a ghost. The moment when the blade of his saber struck his old master for the last time, Vader felt a shattering deep within him, inside a dark and dusty corner of his heart that he hadn’t felt in decades. He felt a thin and decaying string, once golden and shining, finally snap. Vader didn’t even know his bond with Obi-Wan was still there until he felt it break forever. 

The next crack appeared one year ago when Vader had learned of the survival of his son. Being a father was a dream that died alongside the Republic, alongside Padme, alongside Anakin. Just another loss to add to the growing list. Learning that that was not true, that the child born of the only woman he had ever loved was living, breathing, moving with The Force, had awoken something deep within Vader that he thought would stay dormant forever. But Vader could only remember his son in times of absolute strength, for thoughts of Luke always led him back to his mother, and those thoughts led him back to the time when his days were filled with laughter and golden sunlight. A time of blue eyes, not yellow, of smooth skin and golden-honey hair, not black metal and machinery, a time where the world was shades of blues and greens and purples and golds, not red. 

A time of Padme Amidala. Ahsoka Tano. A time of Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Names that all died with the Republic. 

Obi-Wan. 

Now that was a name that caused fire to burn inside Vader, a fire full of passion and hatred and love and regret. They say the line between love and hate is thin, that those two emotions were closer than any other, and since that day on Mustafar all those years ago, Vader knew why. He couldn’t think of the man he once called master without being filled with bitterness and regret, for his betrayal stung so because his love for him once ran so deep. Obi-Wan was the one person the man who had once been Anakin loved the most, trusted the most, the one who could always calm the storm swirling within him, the only one who could contain it when it threatened to erupt and destroy everything good and light. 

Now he was the man who Vader hated with every ounce of metal keeping him alive. 

He thought finally killing Obi-Wan would also kill the ache within him, the pain he blamed on his old master. But it turns out it was never Obi-Wan who caused the pain, it had truly been Vader all along. For twenty years after that dark night on Mustafar, the image of Obi-Wan that was frozen in Vader’s memory was the one who cut off all his limbs and left him for dead, burning and gasping for air beside an unforgiving torrent of fire. But ever since he had struck the fatal blow, his revenge upon Obi-Wan that Vader had dreamed about for nearly two decades, that was no longer the image he associated with Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

For the past few years, the thought of his old master brought back images of warm smiles and reassuring shoulder pats. It brought back fondness and memories of fighting alongside him during the Clone Wars, even memories from before that when Anakin was still a child. Their first sparring match. Sitting across from his old master meditating. The nights Obi-Wan would stay up late helping Anakin with his Temple assignments. All those nights Anakin sheepishly walked into Obi-Wan’s room after a particularly bad dream, his eyes still wet with tears. Remembering how he would let Anakin curl up next to him under his pillow and sing ancient lullabies to him until his breathing steadied and his heart slowed enough for him to finally drift back to sleep.

Only in his moments of strength could Vader remember the words Obi-Wan spoke to Anakin all those years ago, when his old master would remind him he no longer had anything to fear, that no matter what dangers or trials the young boy faced, he would always be by his side, guiding him and protecting him. 

Obi-Wan promised that he would always be there. 

But deep down, Anakin could never truly believe him. 

-----

“But the years have been long

And you have taught me well to hide away

The things that I believed in

You've taught me to call them all escapes”

One year since Vader found out his child survived. Four years since Vader struck down the man he labeled his greatest enemy. 23 years since Anakin Skywalker died on Mustafar. 24 years since Anakin failed his padawan and she walked away from him. 26 years since Anakin lost his mother on Tatooine. 36 years since Anakin first entered the Jedi Temple. 

If only Vader could go back and tell that little boy of nine years old all that was in store for him in the years ahead. All the fear and pain and heartbreak and suffering. But also the joy and laughter and bliss and growth. 

If only he could tell him that it would all be worth it, that he could survive the pain without using the help of the Darkside. That he could trust the people who loved him, who truly cared for him, and that being a Jedi was the greatest gift he had ever been given. 

If only he could say that that was true. 

But time didn’t work like that. 

Vader sat alone in his silent chambers on the very planet where the only thing more red than the lava flows beneath him was the glowing of his lightsaber and the hatred deep in his soul. He thought back on all the years, on all the moments that led him to becoming the empty shell of a man he was, and he wondered just where he went wrong. Looking back, he could see it all so clearly, his mistakes like a map leading him straight to the dark. He often wondered where it all started--if he had never left Tatooine would it still be like this? Was it his selfish choice of love over duty, or maybe it was his first violent outburst of revenge against the Tusken Raiders who murdered his mother? Or was it every soul he couldn't save during the Clone War? Or perhaps the way he failed his padawan and lost trust of the council forever? Or could it have been his outrage at not being granted the rank of Master? 

Or was he doomed to darkness from the moment he was born under the harsh cruelty of the Twin Suns? 

Vader tried to keep himself occupied with anything, everything--military strategies, saber techniques, even tinkering with droids--just as long as his mind was busy so he didn’t run the risk of remembering. He couldn’t let himself dwell on those thoughts for more than moments, for if he did, his strength threatened to fail him. 

No. 

He had to remember the way Obi-Wan failed him. The way Padme betrayed him. The way Ahsoka abandoned him. The fact that Anakin Skywalker was too weak. For if he remembered the truth, then he could never actually live with himself. 

-----

“I know who you are now

I know who you are

I know who you are now”

Vader could feel the shifting tides of the Force like a riptide surrounding him. Ever since he had learned that the young rebel who blew up 20 years of strenuous work with a single shot was his son, Vader hadn’t known peace. 

If he was truly honest with himself, though, Vader had never known peace. But the man Vader once was did, and its name was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Padme Amidala. Rex. Ahsoka Tano. 

He slowly walked to the large window in the side of his ship and gazed down to the Forest Moon below. His son was down there, he could feel his presence in the Force like a beacon of light in a dark tempest, guiding him to safety. 

Maybe, just maybe, could it be possible for Vader to know peace once again? 

No. 

Any hope of that was long gone. 

But perhaps…

Vader closed his eyes and opened himself up to the tides of the Force, just as his old master had taught him to do. For the first time in a long time he didn’t try to control it or channel it through his anger, pain, or passion, he simply let go and let the Force show him what she wanted him to see. He wasn’t surprised when the face of a man with sky-blue eyes and a kind, bearded smile swirled around his memory. 

For the last four years, the face of Obi-Wan had followed him like a shadow he could never run from. At first it only fueled his anger, but now it piqued Vader’s curiosity. Why now, years after his death, years after he killed him, did the face of his old master continue to haunt him? He was beginning to wonder if it was for a purpose, if maybe The Force was trying to tell him something, something he was refusing to hear. 

The Force used to sing to him, back when he was called Anakin, and she would wrap herself around him in golden light and carry him along her gentle current. 

But it had been years since he had unplugged his ears and let himself listen to her song, and Vader wondered if she could still sing. 

He also wondered if this feeling that he felt when he thought of Luke, the ache in his heart he felt when he gazed upon his son, if maybe that was the same feeling that Obi-Wan once felt when he looked upon him. He remembered a time long ago when he felt something similar when looking at a young Togruta with the kindest eyes and an even kinder heart. 

Vader thought he could almost name the feeling. 

Obi-Wan once said he had loved Anakin, and now Vader could admit that that must've been true. 

And Anakin knew he had once loved him too. 

-----

“There before the threshold

I saw a brighter world beyond myself

And in my hour of weakness”

You were there to see my courage fail”

All Anakin ever wanted was to protect the ones he loved. He believed in the hope of a world where he could keep pain away from all those he called his own, a world where everything was right and just and beautiful and safe, all because he had made it so. He was raised to stand up for those who couldn't, to use his gifts and power to help others, both by his mother and his master. He always knew he was special, but he never wanted to be great for his own sake. No, everything Anakin ever did was motivated by those he loved, and he just wanted to create a better, brighter world for the galaxy. 

Everything he did, he did for others. 

Or so he thought he did. 

He thought that by becoming a Jedi he would be able to spread goodness and light, justice and peace to the galaxy. So where did it all go so wrong? 

Looking back on it all now, Vader could see how blind he was. How blinded by fear and possessiveness, obsession and the inability to let go. Like a child who loves an injured bird too much and squeezes it between its fist, never realizing that it was its desire to help and protect that ultimately ended up killing it. He called it the need to protect the one he loved, but now he could name it for what it was: selfishness. And it was that selfishness that brought his whole world crumbling down around him. All that was left in the wake of that dark night on Mustafar were shattered dreams and dashed hopes crashing around the one who used to be Anakin like forsaken ashes, his old life going up in smoke along with the Jedi temple. 

And who was there to watch him burn it all to the ground but the one man he never wanted to let down. The one man he had striven to please since he was a small boy of nine, the one man who he had loved like a father, a brother, a best friend. 

Obi-Wan had sworn to always be by Anakin’s side, so it was only fitting that he would be there to witness his worst mistake. 

Anakin never wanted to fail anyone, especially Obi-Wan. 

And in the end, he failed everyone. 

You're breaking my heart…

You were my brother…

I won't leave you, not this time… 

Vader still couldn’t think of all that he lost without hearing the echoes of his past.

----- 

“For the years have been long

And you have taught me well to sit and wait

Planning without acting

Steadily becoming what I hate”

Vader could remember a time long ago when he confided in a man he thought of as a grandfather, a man who he trusted, who told him he could trust him. He couldn’t see it then, the years of careful manipulation and meticulous planning that Palpatine went through to gain Anakin’s trust. Like a serpent whispering in Anakin’s ears telling him he had to keep secrets from those who truly loved him, making the boy believe he was the only one who would understand. Feeding him the lie that if he ever truly opened up, everyone would hate what they saw. If he shared his fears with Obi-Wan he would be kicked out of the order and sent straight back to Tatooine, back into the chains to which he was born. 

So he kept it all inside. 

And he told his feelings to only one man, the one man who only ever saw him as a pawn, a means to an end. 

But by the time he saw the truth, it was too late. 

It wasn’t until Anakin was gone and Vader was clad in metal and machine, and he felt the first of many lightning bolts that Palpatine used to keep him in line. It wasn’t until he tried to speak of his fears, his losses, his hurt, to the now-Emperor only to receive nothing but punishment in return that he realized it was never real. 

So he retreated even further into himself, for now he was truly alone. 

He looked back in regret on all the years he thought he had no one to turn to, able to see now that that couldn't have been farther from the truth. How had he let himself feel so alone in the days where he was surrounded by those who loved and cared for him, immersed in a community of family bonded by The Force? 

It almost made him laugh to think of how wrong he was. 

For in Anakin’s emptiest moments he still had more than Vader ever would at his fullest. 

Vader stood in front of the Emperor, the man he had called master for the last 20 years but who never truly deserved the title, with his shields high and impenetrable. He couldn’t let Palpatine see the turmoil within him, and over the years Vader had gotten skilled at hiding his true feelings, even from himself at times. But especially now as his master told him of how he would have to either turn his son to the dark or destroy him, he was thankful that his thoughts were only his own. 

The path of the darkside or destruction. 

‘Those are the same thing’ Vader thought to himself. ‘And I will not see my son fall down the same path that I did.’

Vader stared forward, and the smallest part within him was grateful for the mask that hid his features from the prying eyes of Emperor Palpatine. For years Vader had suffered under his hand, doing his will without complaint or hesitation because he had nowhere else to turn. In his greatest moment of weakness he had burned everything good he had ever loved, and so there was nothing left to do but turn away from the light of the flames and follow the dark. It's what he deserved--torment and pain and suffering. 

But now there was the smallest glimmer of light, and it was burning inside Vader once again. Inside the shell which used to be as black as a bottomless cave there was now a long-forgotten ember, lit by the boy called Luke. Luke Skywalker. 

Skywalker. 

But even with the light beginning to glow within him, Vader knew it was too late for him. He was already doomed, and the man he once was had been destroyed. 

Palapatine had made sure of that. 

-----

“I know who you are now

I know who you are

I know who you are now”

Palpatine. 

How many years had Vader spent blaming Obi-Wan, blaming Anakin, blaming the Jedi, the council, the Republic, the war, anything but the one man who’s fault it truly was. 

And why had it taken so long for him to see the truth? 

Why was it not until Vader came face to face with his son, face to face with goodness and light and hope for the first time in decades, that he was able to see his master for who he truly was?

-----

“I have always known you

You have always been there in my mind

But now I understand you

And I will not be part of your designs”

For years Vader played his part, doing his master's terrible bidding without hesitation. Denying the parts of himself that refused to die, the soft spots in his crystalized heart which he could never turn completely to stone. In the beginning he had told himself that he was doing the right thing, that the Jedi were traitors and the reason the Republic fell. That the Empire would bring peace and security to the galaxy, that he was ushering in a new age of prosperity for all. That The Emperor saw things clearly and that he wanted the best for him and the people in the Empire. But eventually he could not be blind to those lies, so he traded his optimism for apathy, following orders out of a sense of duty and the feeling that he was in too deep to get out now. 

When Vader, no, Anakin, was a boy he had been a slave. His life was not his own, everything he did was controlled by another. When he ate, when he worked, when he played, when he slept. He could be beaten or even killed in an instant for something as insignificant as his master's poor temper. It was an exhausting existence, one without peace or rest. 

But he was given a new life when he was nine years old. For the first time in his life, Anakin was given freedom. But even then, even from his first moments of true happiness and liberation, Palpatine was there whispering lies in his ear. 

“You’re still calling someone master” he would hiss. 

“No, it's different. I’m a Jedi now. It’s an honor to call Obi-Wan master.” Anakin would counter, believing every word. 

“You're still being told when to eat, when to work, when to play, when to sleep.” Palpatine’s manipulations started from a very young age. 

“No, it’s different. I made a choice to be a Jedi, I’m not being forced to do anything.” Anakin’s new life as a Jedi was nothing like being a slave on Tatooine.

 Right? 

“But was it your choice? Is this really the life you want? I only want you to be happy, my boy.” 

Anakin never knew how to respond to that. 

Slowly, steadily, over time, Anakin began to wonder if there was truth to the venom Palpatine had been injecting into his brain. Maybe he was still a slave. A slave to duty. A slave to the Republic. A slave to the Jedi. 

Anakin never wanted to be a slave again. 

So he swore to put an end to it. To get out. To be free and the only one in control of his life. But the only thing he succeeded in doing was in tightening his chains, wrapping himself with ropes of metal and locking himself in a prison of hate. 

For Vader could now look back and see what he could not see then, that he was never a slave as a Jedi.

But he was one now. 

And now his master was requiring of him an impossible task, to hand over his son to endure the same fate he did. To doom Luke to serve the same dark master and force hatred and passion and anger to consume his soul and corrupt him into something unrecognizable, twisting him into a monster. 

Vader hadn’t failed his master in years, but he had a choice to make now. Should he continue to be faithful to a man who took everything from him, to an Empire that only left death and destruction in its wake? Or would he finally put an end to it all, finally turn back towards the light that used to be his home? 

Vader had been a mere pawn to Palpatine for as long as he could remember. 

A slave. 

He vowed when he left Tatooine he would never be a slave again. 

-----

“I know who I am now

And all that you've made of me

I know who you are now

And I name you my enemy”

Vader’s heart was a whirlwind of conflict as he stood in front of his son and his master. As much as he tried to fight it, to push it down, to keep his mind focused solely on the Dark, he couldn’t ignore the call to the Light that plagued him at the mere thought of his son. It was even stronger now as Luke stood before him, like a beacon of hope, and Vader didn’t know how much longer he could fight it. 

He couldn’t bear to listen to the words the Emperor was speaking to his son, the same lies and empty promises that were made to him so many years ago. He only hoped that, unlike himself, Luke was able to see through the falsehoods for what they truly were, and he hoped his son could resist. 

For even now the Dark had such a strong hold on Vader that he was still doing his master’s bidding, fighting his son and trying to turn him. But his mind was at war with itself, and his soul was being torn in two, his loyalty to his Dark master being ripped apart by his love for his son and his old connection to the Light. 

His unfocus betrayed him and he soon found himself on the ground at the mercy of his son, bested in combat as he felt anger and darkness swirl around Luke. No, he could not destroy his son, but it was not out of weakness. As he felt the Darkside grow like a rising tide around Luke, Vader’s heart tightened in his chest. He could not bear to see his son fall down the same path as he did, he didn’t want the same pain and torment to follow him and fill his days with nothing but agony and regret. And as he lay with Luke looming over him, hearing The Emperor urge Luke to finish him off, to take his place at his side, to join the darkness and rule the galaxy with fear and terror, Vader, for the first time in over two decades, could finally see it all for what it was. 

For now he knew. 

Vader wasn't born of Anakin, buried deep within the boy just waiting for the right moment to emerge. 

He was made. 

Forged by Palpatine and molded out of the hatred and desperation the Emperor had instilled in the boy, carefully crafted over years of subtlety. 

It had taken decades, but Vader finally saw through the lies. 

In an instant Vader had the Emperor in his hands lifted high above his head. He could feel the Force lightning coursing through his suit, singeing whatever flesh was left of him, overheating circuits and frying power couplings. He knew that this would be the last act he ever did, and yet Anakin felt a peace flow through him that was more powerful than the electricity. 

For the first time in a long time, Anakin was finally doing something right. 

-----

“I know who I am now

I know who I want to be…”

For years Vader had wanted nothing more than to turn back the hands of time and take it all back, take back every mistake he ever made that led to the destruction of everything he ever loved and held close. He wished through strangled sobs that he could hold his wife again, that he could see the smile of his old master with his shining blue eyes, hear the banter of his young padawan who always made him so proud. What he wouldn't do to feel the sunlight upon his skin as he strolled through the gardens of the Jedi temple, listening to the sounds of murmured conversations and ringing laughter as the Force flowed through him like a gentle river, carrying with it peace and love and Light. For twenty years he had cursed himself for his selfishness and greed, for his destruction of anything good and pure in the galaxy. If he could take it all back, he would. In an instant. Without hesitation. Even if it meant losing his life, he would give anything to go back to how it was, before the dark times, before the Empire. 

But he never could, he told himself it was impossible. 

But now, looking at his son, now he saw there was a way. 

He couldn’t turn back time, but he could make a better future, for his son had been right. There was still goodness in him, and Anakin was done leaving it in the darkness.

It was time to return to the light. 

For he finally understood. 

All of the mistakes he ever made he made because he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go of his fear of losing those he loved, he couldn’t let go of his pain, his grief, his losses, his doubts. He couldn’t let go of his need to control. And so this refusal of peace had led him to darkness, down a path where everything was gripped firmly in his hands, even if it burnt or cut him. 

But he had finally learned to let go, and in doing so, he could finally make things right. 

Luke saved Anakin, so it was only fair that he saved his son in return. 

Anakin could feel the Second Death Star rumbling around him and he fought the call of unconsciousness as his son dragged him towards a ship, but he knew what Luke did not, that it was too late for him.

No, not too late. It was just in time.

  “Help me take this mask off” Anakin struggled to speak as his life support began to fail.

“But you’ll die.” Luke was still holding onto hope. 

“Nothing can stop that now,” Anakin had accepted his fate, the death that seemed long overdue. “Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes.” Vader was dead, he fell to his destruction alongside Emperor Palpatine, and that mask belonged to him. But those eyes, those blue eyes who longed to gaze at his son's face for the last time, those were Anakin’s. 

As the Force began to swirl around him, gently singing her ancient lullabies, songs Anakin used to hear but had been deaf to for so long now, he needed to say one final thing to his son, the one who saved him, who reminded him of who he truly was. 

“You were right. Tell your sister…” 

How Anakin wished he could look upon her in this moment, too. He regretted all the time he lost, he hated that his only times with his daughter were moments when he was hunting her, hurting her, causing her to fear and hate him. He thought of her resilience, her strength, her determination, her beauty. Her commitment to justice and goodness in the face of tyranny, how she never backed down from a fight. He remembered how she could command a room, how she knew her worth and she never let anyone diminish it. He thought of her love for her family, her people, her planet, and her love of the light, and he was so proud of her. In his daughter's eyes he saw Padme Amidala, and he stole a smile thinking of how Leia was continuing her mother’s legacy, whether she knew it or not. He could only hope that she would listen to Luke and maybe, just maybe, be able to forgive him enough, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

“...you were right.” 

The world around him grew darker now, the Force moving in closer and transitioning his spirit from this world to the next. He looked into his son’s eyes one final time, seeing nothing but goodness and light, and he breathed his last, letting go and releasing himself into the larger will of the Force. 

And as he went, he felt only peace. 

Darkness gave way to light, and as he opened his eyes in a new plane of existence, he was greeted by a face that he would recognize anywhere, regardless of the effects of age and two harsh suns beating down upon it. 

“Hello there, my old Padawan.” 

And without a moment of hesitation, eyes brimming with tears, Anakin Skywalker fell into the open arms of Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

“...I want to be more than

This devil inside of me.”

#star wars #star wars fan #star wars fandom #i love star wars #Darth Vader #Anakin Skywalker #Luke Skywalker #redeemed darth vader #darth vader redemption #dear wormwood #Star Wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction #star wars writing #cara writes stuff #Padme Amidala #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Ahsoka Tano #rex #captain rex #star wars is pain #Star Wars Original Trilogy #rebellion era #return of the jedi #SW RotJ #rotj #emperor palpatine #sheev palpatine #palpatines the worst #sw #fanfiction

[hideawayintheimaginationworld]

If your still accepting story request and don't plan on writing this in one of your stories, maybe Night reuniting with Mike?

“You're my brother...”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes. Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Daniel—”

“I don’t answer to that name.”

“Then what do you answer to? Please tell me.”

Nightmarionne sighed. He never thought, his brother, or rather, the man who use to his brother was pleading for answers.

“Nightmarionne.”

“Why that name?”

“I didn’t want to be who I was anymore. Accept it.”

“I will... I will... but listen to me.”

“There is nothing to listen to Michael, this discussion is over.”

Michael grabbed his hand, “No! It's not!!” He realised how cold and bony his hand was, he looked at Nightmarionne in his cold blacken eyes, trying to see if he could actually see his brother in there, but he found nothing.

“I made an irreversible mistake... I killed you and now you're.... you’re this.”

“The proper word Old Man Consequences said was a Reaper.”

Michael's world has crashed before him, he thought his brother had been dead for years but he was here... standing in front of him... taller than him, “This is my fault...” He muttered.

“You were responsible for the events that led to my death, but you aren’t responsible for my death,” Nightmarionne said in response.

Michael frowned, “That makes zero sense... I never imagined you'd be like this...”

“What? Be like what? A monster?” Nightmarionne asked him showing him his taloned hands to emphasise his point. He was use to being called a monster, he didn’t wear the title with honour it was more like a label... a burden in a sense.

Michael gently shoved aside his hand, “No... not a monster... you speak with such little emotion... it's like you're apathetic or something... and it's creepy.”

Nightmarionne knew that already, his voice only sounded demonic but it was void of any real emotion. The only real emotion Nightmarionne felt was rage, and it was almost always explosive, as he had seen a man abusing a dog and immediately allowed Plushtrap to attack him in retaliation.

“It's like you really died on that day.”

“I did,” Nightmarionne answered, “Michael, I am not really your brother... I am the shell of who he once was... I can’t remember my mother... I was created from tragedy, agony... I can’t feel any real pain, Michael... I feel my head bleed sometimes...I can’t be your brother because I’m dead. Your brother is dead Michael. You must accept it,” Nightmarionne turned and walked away.

Michael shook his head, he felt himself cry for the first time in years, his brother was slipping away again, he thought about the last day in the hospital, a day he had nightmares about, a day he also died inside, with him being crushed with the realisation that he killed him.

“NO!!” Nightmarionne was stopped by Michael, who threw his arms around his waist to stop him, Michael noticed his whole body overall felt like a skeleton, as he just felt his spine... no meat or fat. Just a tall curved spine that held him up like a mannequin.

Nightmarionne looked down, towering over Michael but seeing him full on crying like a child.

“I won’t lose you again!! I spent so long believing it was my fault! I tried to end my life so many times because you weren’t there anymore! The guilt was killing me, Daniel!!” Michael sobbed.

Nightmarionne snapped.

“I KNOW YOU TRIED! I WAS ALWAYS THERE!!”

Michael froze, still crying, he truly did look like a child. A child who had just been told off by their parents.

“W-What do you mean... you were always there??” Michael asked confused.

Nightmarionne tried to push him away but Michael still hung on tightly, “I watched you... for years... I saw William beating the crap out of you...” Nightmarionne answered, “There were so many times I wanted to kill William myself but something always told me he'd get his comeuppance someday... I saw the fear in your eyes... I watched you mourn... ever wondered why your nightmares abruptly stopped?”

Michael shook his head.

“It was me, Nightmare was preying on you, like how he did to Alec many years later... like how he did to Millie... Sarah... he even tapped into Lefty trying to scare him by showing him what he feared most, which is losing the kids he'd tried so hard to protect... Nightmare weaponised your guilt and regret.”

“But if you did that... then there must be a part of you that doesn’t want me hurt... why have you never come back...?”

Nightmarionne shook his head, “Because... I can’t die... I would have to watch you die... I would suffer watching you die... the thought kills me.”

“So you don’t want to develop any emotional attachments??” Michael asked, “Because you think you'd lose them?”

“You taught me unintentionally that life can be easily stolen in a few moments...” Nightmarionne pushed him off, “Why grow fond of something if it will inevitably die? Especially when you would never be able die yourself.”

“You aren’t living Daniel... if you would be human again at this very moment, would you immediately stay here?” Michael asked.

“I would,” Nightmarionne honestly answered.

“So this immortality is the only thing that stops you??” Michael questioned.

“I hate how people dress up immortality like a paradise... it's hell... a punishment... walking through a long street, watching people come and go, as they are born then die... Immortality is a punishment to condemn permanent loneliness... the best part about being human is living the sweet moments... my life is a circle that never ends... I can’t even get a puppy... I would be too sad when it dies.”

“How about I get a puppy and you can play with it?” Michael suggested.

“No. Michael. No.”

Michael stammered for a response then said “Y-You are only dead because of me! I want to make it up to you! I want to be the older brother you deserve!”

“Then do what I ask Michael...” Nightmarionne lend down his body and his eyes were lined up with Michael's blue eyes.

“Walk away,” Nightmarionne said, seeing Michael's face turn to heartbreak, “Walk out of my life Michael... go enjoy your life with Sammy... with everyone... your brother is dead... you accepted that...”

“I only accepted it because I thought you were dead... but you aren’t!!”

“Why can’t you just fucking forget me?”

Michael wanted to sob again, but he immediately got an idea, “I use to self-harm... but I covered it with this...” Michael showed his arm, Nightmarionne saw the tattoo on his arm, he had seen it many times, it was a little plush Fredbear with a Foxy animatronic holding his hand, taking him somewhere, with words above it that said “Even when I’m gone, The Love in My Heart will Never End. I Love You Both, My Little Boys, Take Care of Each Other Always.”

Nightmarionne suddenly remembered that.

His mother.

It was the final thing she said to them ever.

He had desperately tried to remember her.

Even now he couldn’t recall her name or her face.

He just remembered that.

That had disturbed something in him. Something broken shifted.

He noticed the tattoos were obviously covering self-harm scars, Nightmarionne had seen him self harm at one point and just let it be, not wanting to get involved in family stuff ever again.

Nightmarionne traced a finger over where he saw one of the scars, “You are better than me.”

“Why?”

“Because people won’t run from you.”

“Well, I’m not running from you.”

“Not even when I show this?” Nightmarionne asked, his lower face immediately tore in half, Michael saw the wall of teeth in front of him, Nightmarionne then slowly opened his mouth to show he had more than one row of sharp teeth in his mouth.

His face then came back together, he had a normal mouth, he was waiting for Michael to give an answer.

“When you consider your hair already makes you look like a demon... it doesn’t bother me... I mean we have a bunch of things, that we've both seen, killer clown robots, body-swapping robots, and the weird kid.”

“You’re just saying that Michael.”

“I’m saying it because you are my brother.”

“Yes, I am.”

#Ask #Five Nights at Freddy’s #FNAF 4 #Fazbear Frights #FNAF Michael #Nightmarionne #FNAF Crying Child #Writing Drabble #anonymous