#365 movies challenge | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

365days365movies · 4 months

Text

Action January II: Captain Blood (1935)

Part One: By the Sword

Fun fact about me: I am a non-classically trained fencer.

By which I mean I went through formal training as a child (starting at 6 or 7), then continued it sporadically through my youth and college. Kept up with it a little after college, but I'm no longer a fencer. Still, it was a pretty prominent part of my life, and one of the more bougie facts about me (of which there are admittedly many; I am, for example, struggling to not type bourgeoisie). I look back on it fondly, but it's not for modern-day me.

Still, I've always had a soft spot for swashbucklers, especially in film. Sure, traditional épée fencing doesn't resemble your typical swashbuckling film fight, even a little bit. Usually, épée with the fencing gear is put in a movie or TV show to demonstrate that the character or establishment practicing it is high-class or rich. Instead, I suppose cinematic swashbuckling is more similar to sabre fencing, which has a larger target zone than épée fencing, and usually involves grander movements...but even then, I've never seen any sabre fencer swing from ropes and rafters like, well...

Zorro is a character that I've talked about before on this blog. I've also covered the swashbuckler briefly in that post, but let's get a little more comprehensive this time, shall we? Zorro is maybe the prototypical swashbuckler character, starting with Douglas Fairbanks' epic film The Mark of Zorro in 1920! Yeah, old as hell. He was daring, dashing, and debonair; dressed in black and fighting for justice to get the girl and save the day, armed with only a sword and his wit! The prototypical action hero! Throw in some great choreography and epic music, and voila! A swashbuckler! To put one together properly, we need:

A dashing hero, with devil-may-care attitude that fights for the moral right. If we're talking in DnD terms, you can call this person chaotic good alignment, usually. Swinging from the rafters, a sword in hand and often a smile on their face. And, of course, a romantic aim and goal.

Swordfighting. Kind of critical to the genre. Swashbucklers are films that use swordfights as the driver for the plot. While not every action sequence may involve a sword fight, the main hero is always either armed with their sword or looking for it. And then it's time for the climax, you better believe we've got a big-ass swordfight on our hands. The villain of the piece, at least one of them, should also have a sword in hand.

A sweeping score is a very typical piece of these films. Whether in the past or present, swashbuckling can't be done without an iconic leitmotif for the hero, and battle music times to the clashes of steel. Usually throw some brass or strings in there, and you have a swashbuckling score.

Now, of course, there are a lot of swashbucklers out there based on those definitions, and...yeah, there are a lot of swashbuckler films! While The Mark of Zorro is typically called the first swashbuckler, it's not the first film to involve narrative swordplay by any means. The Count of Monte Cristo (1908) is probably the first of those, but there are others like The Prisoner of Zenda or Kidnapped. You may also notice that some of the classic swashbucklers are based on classic literature, like those above, and like Cyrano de Bergerac, The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Man in the Iron Mask, and the most prominent of these...

It's funny, for a character best known for his archery skills, Robin Hood gets into a lot of swordfights. Some of the most iconic filmed swordfights come from the emerald archer from Sherwood, and for good reason! There have been countless adaptations of the original stories, which are crazy cinematic, and they all take place in medieval England, during a time period where swords were predominant weaponry. Combine that with the fact that Robin Hood is, in many retellings, a nobleman who would've been trained in fencing, and you have a natural swashbuckler setup!

And honestly, Robin Hood is sort of the perfect swashbuckler. A morally good hero fighting against the evil establishment, for his friends, contrymen, and the woman he loves. Epic music, daring setpieces, classic fights, a lot of swingin' rafters...yeah, it's perfect. And again, one day, I'll talk about The Adventures of Robin Hood from 1938; one of my favorite action films, and my favorite adaptation of Robin Hood for sure.

But there's another type of swashbuckler that's just as iconic as those listed above, also involving a setting conducive to sword-based action, but often with heroes that are...a little more morally grey.

Pirate films are essentially a subgenre of the swashbuckler (yes, a subgenre of a subgenre of a subgenre), focusing on high-seas action rather than fighting in a hall or castle. The pirate film is a curious beast, appearing in film history in sporadic bursts, with no real period to call its own. They were popular from the '30s through the mid-'60s, had a tiny boom in the '80s, got badly nuked in the '90s, and then had another tiny boom in the '00s with the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. They're always around, but never the first genre you'd think of when you think of action films.

Still, pirate films have an iconic feel to them all their own. The wind in your hair, the daring sword fights against a surly knave or an overzealous government stooge, depending on the nature of your morally dubious hero. Hell, maybe the hero has resorted to piracy after being wronged or lost at sea, and we're rooting for him and his lost honor. Either way, he's got an open shirt and a sword in his hand, and his crew are there to back him up (or betray him; again, depends on the narrative). You know a pirate film when you see one. And that's where I'm headed today: to the open seas with Captain Blood, starring an iconic action star of the 1930s and '40s. In fact, he's so iconic, almost every one of the above GIFs includes him.

Errol Flynn is undoubtedly a major film figure of his day. He's also got a fascinating and...sometimes troubling personal history, putting him up there with some of the great Australian film actors in cinema. But as much as I'd like to talk about Errol Flynn (and I probably will later), I'd like to finally jump into the film that made him famous: Captain Blood, a 1935 film directed by Michael Curtiz, another interesting figure with some...interesting history with Flynn. Again, more later.

Flynn was an unknown before this role, and immediately became an audience and studio favorite, essentially succeeding Douglas Fairbanks as a films and action star. Only 26 at time this film came out, Captain Blood was the beginning of an often turbulent career for Flynn, who would die at only 50 years old. Again, more on him later. And so, without further ado...SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

It's 1685 in England, and there's a rebellion happening! Known as the Monmouth Rebellion, it involved the deposition of James II, after succeeding his brother as king of England, which was contested by Parliament and Protestants, as James II was a Catholic king. Anyway, during the rebellion, Doctor Peter Blood (Errol Flynn) is summoned to aid a friend injured in a skirmish. A retired adventurer and swashbuckler in his own right, Blood is determined not to re-enter the...fight...

Is this Commando? Like, where a retired hero is forced to come back to fight for his country, and won't come back until a personal tragedy or offense is done to him? You know, like Commando? Just calling it now, before it happens.

As Blood is helping his friend, he's taken away and sentenced by Judge George Jeffreys (Leonard Mudie), who accuses him of being a liar and traitor to the crown, despite his complete innocence. Imprisoned and set amongst a group of similar prisoners for months, he attempts to defend himself on the stand, only to condemn himself even further beneath a biased kangaroo court. And for the record, Flynn immediately proves why he's so beloved at this time. He's an excellent actor in this scene, and I immediately sympathize with Peter Blood.

Meanwhile, King James II (Vernon Steele) is convinced by his advisor to send the convicts to the West Indies as slaves, as actual slaves are too expensive, and these guys are free of cost. So, yeah, British monarchy not looking too great. In any case, we set to sea for the first time, in the belly of an unrealistically humane slave ship. In Blood's words, the King was "granted their lives in exchange of an uncertain death". And with that, Blood and the convicts are sent o Port Royal, in Jamaica.

The convicts are set for sale (hate it), and most of them are sold to Colonel Bishop (Lionel Atwill) and his niece, Arabella (Olivia de Havilland). When she observes Blood's rebellious nature at being inspected like cattle, she decides to keep him from working in the mines on her own spoiled whims. Blood's not a fan, and the two immediately clash. Which, obviously, means they're gonna fall in love by the end. Come on, we know how this goes.

Blood's sent to work on the plantation with Bishop's other slaves, on a grinding mill that loves like it's ripped out of Conan the Barbarian. We see the indignity of slavery through...white slaves. Yeah, trying not to think about it, since this is a thing that happened, but it's tough. Anyway, our traitors are taught a lesson about treason, as an escapee is branded on his fucking face, and the prisoners all say how much they hate the fucking King. Great job, James, really fanning the flames of patriotism there.

Meanwhile, the uncaring and selfish governor, Steed (George Hassell) is complaining of gout, and is in need of a physician. Knowing of Blood's former profession, Arabella recommends him as Steed's physician, and is mostly elevated from the role of slavery, which seems...insanely easy. Irritatingly easy, even. But whatever; at least he hasn't forgotten his friends, his actual station, or the fact that Arabella bought him for 10 goddamn shillings! He's still understandably bitter about that.

However, he's in very good favor with the governor for relieving his gout, unlike the previous doctors Bronson (Hobart Cavanaugh) and Whacker (Donald Meek), who attempt to plot to get rid of the much more competent Blood. He puts them in their place, but begins a plot of his own. With the other slaves arrested for treason, he plans an escape attempt from Port Royal, with the help of friend (and the guy who got him in this mess to begin with, Jeremy Pitt (Ross Alexander). However, in the process, Colonel Bishop suspects some kind of plan, which is only circumvented with the help of Arabella. In the process, however, Pitt is captured and flogged for questioning.

While his friend is getting horribly whipped by the Colonel on the stockades, Blood and Arabella flirt (as expected), although a kiss from Blood is received poorly due to his status, leaving the encounter on a sour note. Peter goes back to care for the Governor before their escape that night, then finds Jeremy at the stockades and cares for him as well. He's caught by the Colonel showing mercy, and is about to share Jeremy's fate when a ship attacks the port.

This ship belongs to the Spanish, and the sailors aboard lay waste to the port. It's at this point that the slaves see an opportunity, and make their way to the ships. They take over the Spaniard's ship, and wait until the morning to take out the returning Spaniard captain and soldiers. With navigator Pitt and new gunner Henry Hagthorpe (Guy Kibbee), the new crew sets sale and escapes, under the purview of the new Captain Blood.

Colonel Bishop, like...like a fucking idiot, sails out on a rowboat to thank the men, not realizing it's his own slaves. And then, when he finds out, he still intends to keep them as slaves. THEY HAVE A SHIP, DUDE! You're fucked. Instead of killing him, which they consider, they toss him overboard, and Blood's crew sets sail for the Caribbean Sea, leaving Arabella behind. They abandon their citizenship, and officially become pirates.

The crew of Blood becomes famed and infamous across the seas, to the irritation of King James II himself. With Governor Steed having lost both money from the Spaniard assault, and being unable to reign in Blood in the first place, his appointment as Governor is given to Colonel Bishop, who swears to take care of Blood once and for all. Arabella is conflicted about this, but she's shipped off to England along with Governor Steed.

On Tortuga, Blood signs a deal with another captain, the French Levasseur (Basil Rathbone), and the two become partner pirates. Later on, Arabella finishes her extended holiday in England, traveling alongside Lord Willoughby (Henry Stephenson), who has been tasked to take out Captain Blood. On their journey, they see Levasseur's ship, which attacks them and takes the passengers hostage on a nearby island. They are soon joined by a surprised Peter Blood and his crew, who pretends not to know her.

Blood and Levasseur engage in an argument, as one of the articles of their contract was that no female prisoners would be taken. As a compromise, Blood pays for her ransom, both to save her and as payback for his purchase of her many years ago. This still enrages Levasseur, who wanted Arabella for himself, and he forgoes his honor to challenge Blood to a fencing duel. Fun fact, by the way: Basil Rathbone was an actual fencer, classically trained, and far better than anyone he ever fenced with on-screen, Flynn included. But, since he always played the role of a villain and cad, he was always forced to lose. And this fight is no exception.

Levasseur is killed by Blood...which is crazy, since he's Basil fucking Rathbone, and he was in this movie for maybe 5 minutes altogether as essentially a cameo, but...c'est la vie, et la mort. Arabella and Willoughby are brought on board, only for Arabella to angrily reject him. And yes, she's absolutely a goddamn hypocrite, but she's not fully unjustified. She puts Blood down as a beast like any other pirate (unfairly, of course), and Blood angrily rebukes her in turn. Even then, he plans to bring the two hostages back to Port Royal, where they are certain to die.

Willoughby and Arabella speak, where he convinces her that Blood's genuinely not a dick, and tells her that they're headed to Port Royal. At the same time, Blood's crew refuses to sail to Port Royal, officially acting in mutiny against Blood. And Blood...gracefully surrenders his command of the ship, admitting his affections for Arabella to be driving him against logic. And that ironically turns the crew back to Blood's command. I can't tell if that was a sign of their actual bond, or some straight gatekeeping-girlbossing-gaslighting from Blood, but...yeah, they're still going to Jamaica.

As they approach Port Royal, though, they find it being attacked by two French ships. Willoughby, finally being able to speak with Blood, informs him that France and England are at war. To their surprise, though, Governor Bishop isn't present, nor is the English fleet, since they're out chasing pirates. And so, the only ship to defend Port Royal against the French, is...well, Blood's.

It's then that Willoughby finally reveals his purpose for seeking Blood and his crew: the King has pardoned him. Obviously, they're not a fan of King James II given what he'd done to them, and refuse the offer. But then, Willoughby reveals the other political change: James II is out as King. With that knowledge, Blood and his men decide to fight for the English Navy, and for the new King William III.

Arabella is shuttled ashore, while the ship sails under a French flag to disguise themselves. They easily ambush the French ships attacking the Port, wrecking one and causing it to fucking explode. Honestly, it's pretty sick. The other ship mounts a harsher assault, and Blood's crew is forced to abandon ship. Instead, they simply take the French ship for themselves. And as the Captain swings over, you realize something: this is the prototypical pirate movie.

Yeah, OK, earlier films like The Black Pirate, as well as later ones like The Sea Hawk and Treasure Island, would be a major framework for pirate films in the future. But good goddamn, if this doesn't feel like a pirate movie, I don't know what does. The score is sweeping, the action is epic, and it's honestly just fun. And the most ironic thing is, this is happening at the point in the film when they aren't technically pirates anymore! Hilarious.

Anyway, Blood's crew wins the day for England, only for the Governor to finally return from his futile journey. Arabella, seeing Blood return and knowing her uncle's hatred of him, tries to warn him away while admitting her love to him. But to the surprise of her and her uncle, Bishop is officially deposed as Governor for abandoning his post in times of war to pursue his vendetta, even though he knew Willoughby was coming. He's at the mercy of the new Governor: Doctor Peter Blood. Honestly, it's funny as fuck. Blood bids him "Good morning, Uncle.", and the film comes to a close.

That's it for Captain Blood! Gonna do an old-fashioned review set-up and have a separate post for the Review! And that's because, while the review won't be terribly long...I would really like to talk about the man, the myth, the alcoholic legend himself, Errol Flynn.

See you in the Review!

#user365 #365 days 365 movies #365 movies 365 days #365days365movies #365 movie challenge #365 movies a year #action january #action #action movie #swashbuckling #pirate movie #pirates #captain blood #michael curtiz #errol flynn #olivia de havilland #basil rathbone #action genre

8 notes · View notes

kaleuh · 7 days

Text

Day 97: Something you've always wondered.

I've always wondered if more people get crushes on fictional characters than they lead on. I don't know man. I remember being a little girl with a Disney Princess journal full of all the cartoon boys i had a crush on. I've always known it wasn't like, normal normal, but to this day I still feel like most people probably do get those crushes and are just too embarrassed to ever vocalize it. Your accountant probably had a crush on Roxanne from A Goofy Movie. Maybe he still does, even. But he's a coward. Too afraid to admit his feelings but will readily throw his son under the bus for liking Kim Possible a little more than what's normal and liking Shego way more obviously than what's normal. Hypocrite that you are. You trust the chemicals in your brain to tell you what is cringe. Will you fight?

#Kayla's 365 Day Challenge #or will you perish like a dog girl from A Goofy Movie

5 notes · View notes

nyckthefox · 3 months

Text

i'm doing this challenge where i watch the same film every day for a year and log it on letterboxd and i find it hilarious how every time people ask me why i'm doing it i just don't have an actual answer. usually i just end up saying one of these:

i really like this movie.

i want to prove that i could never get tired of it.

i want to become this film's biggest fan in the world.

i'm insane.

#letterboxd #365 challenge #cinephile #film #movie #i'm insane #the film isn't even good

3 notes · View notes

hardygalwrites · 1 year

Link

Originally posted to FFN a little after the 12th of December, 2016

Simply archiving a writing challenge I did back in 2016 up to 2017 and featuring my favourite writing pieces from each week of the challenge here on Tumblr :]

← Week 17 (KO) – Week 19 (KO) →

Cartoon: Transformers Prime / Robots in Disguise 2015

Characters: Smokescreen, Knock Out, and Bumblebee, with appearances from numerous other characters (even ones not featured in the cartoons)

Synopsis: An Autobot Elite Guard rookie, a Decepticon medic turned Autobot, and an Autobot scout turned warrior turned street cop - three very different bots with a wide range of stories to tell. And we are going to spend the next year exploring said stories through daily-written drabbles, be they angsty, humorous, gut-punching, or just plain odd! Who doesn’t love a challenge? (2016 to 2017)

—

New Pet

It was just a glitch-mouse. A simple, rather insignificant little specimen that had been brought to the medbay to be used as a test subject.

Knock Out had recently become rather attentive to the little thing, allowing no one but himself to take care of it. First Aid had once joked that if he didn't know Knock Out better, he would've said that the doctor was growing fond of the little creature.

Knock Out then pointedly asked him if there was some inventory he ought to be doing, and First Aid knew that that marked a permanent end to the conversation.

Fabulous Bad Guy

Knock Out smirked at the Autobot who'd just entered the cavern. "Ah, finally. I was wondering what was taking you."

"Wait," Smokescreen laughed. "Don't tell me you were actually waiting for me to show up. 'Cause that would just be stupid, even for you."

"Well, I needed someone to witness yet another one of my victories."

"You stuck around to gloat?" Smokescreen scoffed. "Wow, that is stupid. Guess you haven't been watchin' any human films lately."

"Considering how pathetically bad you Autobots are at retrieving Predacon bones, I think my decision is well founded." Knock Out turned to the Vehicons awaiting his command. "Sic him."

Kindred Spirit

"I tried playing with the other kids..." The sparkling paused to suck on his energon treat. "But they're boring, and they don't like playing any of the games I do. Can I have another one?"

"I don't think so." Knock Out moved the bowl of energon treats out of reach.

The sparkling rolled his optics. "Why not?"

"As a doctor that would just be plain irresponsible of me, as dull and grown-up that may sound. Also..." Knock Out dusted off the sparkling's shoulder. "...Take it from a grown-up, if you're going to have an impeccable finish, you must have impeccable denta to match."

"Fine."

#posting from THE ARCHIVES #365 drabbles challenge #ill pretty much just say what i said in the a/n for this chapter/week all those years ago #i just find the idea of knock out basically just being a bad guy from an action/adventure movie too funny and perfect #also hey theres sparkling rid2015 sideswipe in the last featured drabble :]#transformers #transformers prime #knock out #tfp knock out #tf first aid #g1 first aid #smokescreen #tfp smokescreen #sideswipe #rid2015 sideswipe #fanfiction #transformers fanfiction #HardyGal writes stuff #HardyGal writes fanfiction

14 notes · View notes

fascinated-fox · 2 years

Text

starting today I'm doing the 365 days challenge! I think it's supposed to be with drawing but I can't be bothered LOL!!!

Today's fictional character of the day is Noelle Holiday! Love that lesbian representation :)

@real-life-cloud

#noelle holiday #noelle deltarune #365 days challenge #I will use this challenge as a way to showcase Tumblr artists who need attention as well #Fan art show off #I will try to do a character from a different show/game/movie each time

13 notes · View notes

mlove44lh · 6 months

Text

Don't hurt yourself

Chapter 8 - Redemption

Masterlist

Previously chapter

Warnings: angst, swearing, mention of loss

Words: 9,247

there are probably some mistakes in the translation. I'm a bit rusty. Soryy

“I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade. My grandma said "Nothing real can be threatened." True love brought salvation back into me. With every tear came redemption and my torturers became my remedy. So we're gonna heal. Me and you.”

Day 0

“I've dreamt about this for so long that I cannot even recall when this idea first took root within me.

I've memorized and held in my mind every tiny detail of this day. I've spent hours envisioning how it would unfold, researching without even having someone in mind to share this dream with.

And yet, even with all the planning and rehearsing every step in my mind for this perfect day, I never anticipated it would be as perfect as this.

The sky is clear and without clouds. And even though the wind is present, it's almost imperceptible on my skin, even with my arms uncovered.

Just for this weather in the middle of November, I could already consider this day a miracle, as evidence of a love that will be eternal and is already perfect.

The veil gently sways around me. I catch a glimpse of my guests through the sheer fabric that surrounds me. I know I have all my family and friends present, and I'm overjoyed that everyone is finally gathered. But I couldn't look at anyone else now except my future husband, who awaits me at the altar with a smile that assures me everything will be okay in our new life together.

And I believe him with a confidence I didn't know existed within me.

His dark eyes shine like never before, a privilege I've never witnessed. I know I grip my father's arm with a certain strength, but I need to feel the tension in my fingertips at least to prove to myself that I am still alive, and this is not a dream.

What reassures me is knowing that, even though I am a dreamer, I could never fantasize about such perfection.

It's as if my entire life has led up to this moment.”

Day 2,520

I waited for something. Something big, like in the movies. Something that would make me change, that would make everything fall into place perfectly so we could leave it all behind.

Even after all that, I waited. After the disrespect, after hearing from the mouth of the most despicable person I've ever known all the horrible things he was capable of doing, after being called scandalous for a behavior I know was unforgivable. Even after all of that, I waited for something.

But that something never came.

Real life is cruel, and these kinds of things don't happen. Sometimes what seems real is indeed real; sometimes the one pulling the trigger is the same person who vowed to protect you. And this kind of betrayal is the worst of all.

I was forced to stop believing in my personal fairy tale when the prince charming drove a knife into my chest.

I was yanked out of my perfect life, and the jolt was so strong that I don't know how I survived.

I look at my ring finger and even though the wedding ring is no longer here, the mark will probably last for a long time, as a visual reminder of all this.

The room is cold, and I feel his gaze on me, which makes the feeling of suffocation even bigger. My gaze remains low; this is the last place I want to be.

The door opens and the silence is cut by the mediator who introduces himself and then sits down between the four of us.

My heart races as I realize what is about to happen.

"We can begin the hearing."

Day 365

"I didn't think it could get any better after we got married, but I've never been so happy to be wrong.

The year has flown by, and all our time together has been precious. Even though Lewis isn't always present, when we're together, it feels like all the challenges of jet-lags and sleepless nights become insignificant.

One of his hands blocks my vision while the other guides me gently by the waist. I feel Lewis laughing behind me, while I become more restless than ever.

The hustle and bustle of London is miles behind us. Lewis drove, which is unusual since I'm usually the one behind the wheel.

I have no idea what I'll find here, so I eagerly await the revelation I've been waiting for hours.

"You know I hate surprises."

"I know. But you're going to like this one." He stops walking but keeps his hand over my eyes.

"It's our first wedding anniversary. It had to be something big."

"Something big?! Lewis, I got you a watch."

"And I loved my new Rolex. And this gift isn't exactly just for you; it's for both of us.”

Lewis removes his hand from my eyes; it takes me a few seconds to adjust to the brightness. The sunlight illuminates a large field surrounded by greenery. The weather is chilly, but the sunlight makes everything seem warm and cozy.

In the midst of two tall trees stands a house with a white-painted facade. Windows adorn the front of the house, along with some flowers planted around the residence.

It's a beautiful, delicate home, large enough for a family to live in, yet not so grand as to be intimidating. It's the perfect refuge for a lifetime, surrounded by the people you love.

I spend a few seconds observing the facade. Lewis steps away from my side and comes in front of me. His smile is huge, and I can tell by his expression that he's waiting for me to say something. But I wouldn't know what to say when I don't even know what I'm looking at now.

"What do you think?" His expectation implicit in his words.

"Lewis...” It can't be this, he can't have just bought a new house for us. “What is this?"

"Wait. I want you to see inside."

His hand fits into mine, and Lewis practically drags me inside. My excitement is so overwhelming that I can hardly think straight now. This is so much more than I expected.

The living room is spacious, and the wooden beams make everything cozier. The furniture is already arranged, and it's as if they've taken every detail from one of my dreams.

"There's a pool outside." He opens the large glass door, revealing more outdoor space. “We can put a big table here for when we have guests.”

His words come out quickly, like an excited child with something new, his eyes shining like two stars as Lewis divides his gaze from me to the entire house. He doesn't take long to return with his hand in mine, leading me to the second floor of the residence.

The master bedroom adopts a lighter tone than the rest of the house, covered in wood. The white paint on the walls makes the room even more spacious. Everything looks clean and new.

"You really did this?" My voice comes out almost in a whisper, and I then feel the urge to cry that hits me. “Lewis, it's perfect.”

"It's ours," he says. His voice is lower compared to minutes ago; the excitement seems to have eased. "I planned over the last year."

"This is... I'm speechless. It's perfect. But how would we do this? I mean, with our work and everything else."

It would be madness to move to the countryside from London at a time like this, even though it feels like a dream.

"I may have anticipated things a little. But we can come in a few years. This could be the house where we'll grow old together and raise our kids. It's the perfect place. We just have to wait a bit, and in the meantime, we can come whenever we want some time alone. 45 minutes from London and no neighbors for a few blocks sounds good, right?"

I can only smile. The idea of having a family by your side and growing old together is still something that can truly move me.

"Yes. It sounds perfect."

He smiles.

"Come on, I want to show you one last thing."

I can barely take in the details of the room before being pulled again.

Lewis opens the door to the room next to ours; unlike the others, this room has no furniture. A large window is situated in the middle of one of the walls, illuminating every corner of the room. I stand still at the door while Lewis finally calms down behind me.

"There are two more rooms like this, still empty." I feel the excitement within me as soon as I realize where Lewis is going. "We'll set them up together, at the right time. For our children. Let's fill this house with happiness, Y/n."

I turn to him, and I feel some tears escaping from my eyes. I couldn't be happier about this surprise.

I press our lips into a kiss that takes a while to break, just so I can speak before returning to him.

"This is all I want.”

"There are no children in common between the couple, and the divorce seems to be agreed upon by both parts. If there is no impasse with the last proposed agreement, I believe there is no need to extend this hearing."

‘Divorce. Agreement. Both parts.’ It looks as bad as it sounds. How could there be agreement on something as painful and profound as this? That's not what happens, I'm not here because I want to, I'm here because I need to be here, I'm here because I owe it to myself and the part that died inside me. I owe this as justice to the girl who believed so much in fairy tales. So no, there is no agreement whatsoever with this situation.

I glance at my lawyer and gesture to speak with him, but it doesn't become necessary. His throat clearing draws the attention of the few people in the room.

The proposed divorce agreement in the document I left with Lewis that morning was denied, as were the other two made by my lawyer. It seems there was some kind of impasse between what Lewis desired and what his representatives sought.

So, I waited for the counterproposal, and when it came, I tried to come to terms with it. There was much more for me than I asked for in the previous agreements, and much less than what I could receive if I had the slightest interest in a legal battle. The perfect agreement between a remorseful man who thinks money buys karma and the lawyers protecting his empire.

But overall, it wasn't that bad, except for one detail.

"There is a disagreement from my client regarding the agreement proposed by Mr. Hamilton."

They look at us with curiosity. Lewis raises his gaze full of doubt, which meets mine.

"And what would that be?" The mediator settles into his chair, leaning towards us.

I could vomit if I had ingested anything. I wish I could just accept anything proposed and leave right away. But I don't want to leave with anything other than what already belongs to me, and I certainly have no interest in something that would keep me tied to Lewis in any way.

I know this is another thing I shouldn't do. Especially if the hypothesis in my mind proves to be true. But I don't care anymore; I have every right to use the shell of a bad person at least once.

I have the right to escape from him.

"My client is no longer interested in the shares related to Mr. Hamilton's companies. As well as the residence in London. We would like to present a counterproposal, where the shares would be transferred back, and the house would be entirely in his name, if there is agreement, of course."

I watch my lawyer pass new papers to the mediator, who carefully examines each one.

I want to disappear from his life in every way possible; I won't heal if I don't distance myself from him. Continuing with the shares in my name would put me in moments like this. Trapped at a meeting table with him by my side. And the house would only remind me of everything that never was. I don't even want to drive past it, even though it's a new residence; it's infested with ghosts for me.

"What?!" Lewis diverts everyone's attention, even from the mediator, who is still examining the papers in front of him. "What are you talking about? These shares are rightfully yours, Y/n. We earned this together." Hearing his voice in person after so many weeks makes me want to cry.

"Mr. Hamilton, please. Only your lawyer has the right to speak at this moment, okay?" The mediator's voice becomes slightly louder to draw Lewis's attention.

There's a lot of disbelief in his gaze, while mine overflows with sorrow.

If only it were just businesses and numbers, the only things we conquered together, all of this would be infinitely easier.

"Don't do this. The shares are yours too, you know that."

Lewis completely ignores the mediator and continues speaking directly to me. His gaze reveals pleading, as if he's seeking redemption and the only way to achieve it is to ensure I end up with millions in shares.

It's tempting. But we're talking about a woman with a wounded ego and immense pride. So, thanks, but no.

"Mr. Hamilton, please."

The mediator seems a bit nervous. Meanwhile, his lawyer becomes restless and leans in to speak with Lewis.

"If she's giving up willingly, you should consider it. We're not talking about something small, Lewis." His lawyer's voice is low, but within this tiny room and with everyone else silent, it would be impossible not to hear his words.

Lewis still looks at me, and I still look at him. I haven't opened my mouth to respond to him, and I don't intend to. All I want is to leave this place soon with what I want, or rather, what I don't want.

"I don't care about that." Lewis responds to his lawyer, but still looking at me. I could even say there's a hint of anger in his expression, if only I still knew this person in front of me.

Day 1,397

“Waking up to the smell of coffee at home is one of my favorite things because I know when it happens, he's home. And it couldn't be any different; he promised me he would be.

My arms wrap around him as soon as I find him in the kitchen. His bare torso is warm and makes me feel at home like nothing else ever came close to achieving.

His hands hand me a cup of coffee, and our lips come together in a kiss full of the longing that seems never to go away, no matter how close we are.

"How is it possible for someone who hates coffee to make the best coffee I've ever had in my life?!"

Lewis laughs before placing his hands on my waist.

"You say that because you're in love with me and like everything I do. Literally, everyone who's had my coffee didn't like it."

"That's because they don't know how to appreciate the strongest coffee that has ever entered their system." Laughter echoes through the apartment. "But seriously, honey, as much as I love it, you have to go easy on the amount of grounds. I could stay awake for days if I had more than one cup in the morning."

His hands tighten around my waist enough to make me sigh. I place my mug with the hot liquid on the counter and soon bring my hands back to his bare back.

I see the smile fading from his face, replaced by a serious expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Want to share that?"

"I'm not sure you'll like the idea very much." A shy smile returns to his lips and my curiosity rises. "I know that wasn't the plan. But I can't stop thinking about it."

His eyes are no longer in contact with mine.

"Come on. Tell me."

"Well." He seems anxious, perhaps genuinely concerned about my reaction. "I think, maybe. If you want. We could start trying to expand the family."

My smile drops.

Not because I don't want this, but because I want it so bad that just the idea of Lewis also wanting it even before what was planned between us makes my stomach churn with happiness. I don't know if it's because of Lewis's strong coffee or my excitement, but suddenly I become aware of my accelerated heartbeat.

"I mean. If you still want to wait, we can. I know you have your work, and..."

"No!" I interrupt his train of thought. "I just wasn't expecting that right now." I have to think about the words before I can say them. "Lewis. Are you serious?"

I pull his face back to mine and force him to look at me. We are so close to each other that Lewis must be able to feel my own heartbeat against his chest.

"I've been thinking about this for a while. I know we agreed to wait until after Formula 1, to move to London and start our family. But I don't think I'm going to retire anytime soon, and I want a family with you now. And I know it will be crazy to have a child in the middle of all the travels and chaos of our life, but..." His smile grows even wider. "It will be our child, right?! If there's someone who could handle all of this, it's him. Or her."

My excitement is so overwhelming that I can hardly think of anything to say.

I know my eyes overflow with happiness and emotion, and I see Lewis's eyes mirroring the same.

I pull him closer to me, pressing against him with no desire to let him go anywhere.

"You know how much I want this." I pull him into a kiss that ends up being a bit messy due to our excitement.

"Is that a yes?" Lewis separates us for a moment to speak.

"Of course!"

"We'll take a break so that Mr. Hamilton's lawyer can review the counterproposal and to calm things down a bit.”

I watch both of them stand up. Lewis leaves the room almost running, while his lawyer follows him with the new papers in hand. I feel numb, I need to tap my feet on the floor a few times to make sure I won't fall when I stand up.

“Y/n. Are you sure about the counterproposal?” Adam, my lawyer, turns his chair towards me. His voice is low even though there's no need for it. Since there's no one else in the room. “I know you have your reasons, but we're talking about over fifty million. That could become much more over the years. Giving it away like this to him could be a mistake. You could at least sell them.”

"No. I don't want anything more from him, Adam." His expression reveals what he doesn't say, which makes me feel the need to justify myself. "I'm not saying this just because I'm hurt, I'm saying this because I really want out of this, I don't want to deal with anything related to Lewis anymore. And I know it may sound crazy, but every penny coming from those shares would only make me feel even worse. So yes, I am positive about my decision."

"Alright. I understand." His compassionate look kills me. I turn away from his expression to avoid dealing with that pity stamped on his face. "I think they'll agree, there wouldn't be a reason to delay this any further."

"I hope so." I don't wait for a response, leaving Adam in his place and stepping out of the room in search of fresh air.

Day 1,716

"I promised I wouldn't disappoint myself this time. I thought it would be easier not to see what I wanted for the seventh consecutive time. But no. Every month, it just hurts more.

I stare at the small plastic object in my hand as I feel a lump in my throat.

A damn red line.

One. Just one.

I feel Lewis's arm around me and his face resting on my shoulder.

We started trying a few months ago. We knew that if we waited for the perfect moment, it would never come. We travel all the time, and Formula 1 takes up a good part of Lewis's life. Besides, it's a dangerous sport.

But the desire for our children proved to be so big that any potential problem seems microscopic in comparison. We have a serious relationship and stability, as well as plenty of willingness and love, what could be missing?!

So, I stopped taking the pills and waited for it to happen. But it didn't. Not in the first month, not in the second, it started to bother me in the third. But I didn't imagine it would reach the seventh unsuccessful attempt.

I try to contain myself and pretend to myself that everything is fine. We're young, we have plenty of time to make this happen. But the frustration is written all over my face.

"We can keep trying,” his voice comes out muffled because his face is resting on me. “It's the best part anyway,” he jokes.

A soft laugh escapes my lips.

“Yeah. Maybe next time, huh?”

I take the test out of my field of vision and look at Lewis. He adjusts his posture and nods while looking at me attentively.

Maybe he's waiting for some kind of outpouring, or even restrained tears. But there isn't any. Not because I'm not feeling sad, but because it wouldn't make sense right now. Especially when he's just minutes away from leaving home for another one of his countless work weekends. A tearful wife wouldn't be the best thing to leave on his mind before all the concentration needed for a Grand Prix.

“We could consult with a specialist if you want.”

He stands up and goes to his suitcase.

“No. I don't think it's necessary now.” My face betrays my words. The question of why a pregnancy hasn't happened yet has been weighing on my mind for months. “We can wait for some more time.”

He sighs.

“Alright.” His hands rest on the handle of his suitcase. “I have to go. Will you be okay?”

“If I say no, will you stay here with me?” Compassion fills his eyes, making me immediately regret what I just said. I truly wish he would give up work sometimes, but I would never ask him for that. Not wanting to be inconvenient, and already knowing the answer. “I'm kidding. Go, go save the world, number forty-four.”

“You're my world.” Lewis walks over to me and plants a kiss on my forehead. That makes me smile. “See you on Monday.”

I go down the dozens of stairs arranged in front of the court. I sit down on one of the steps before reaching the end of them.

The streets are bustling. It couldn't be different on a Tuesday morning. I try to focus on the lives of people swiftly passing by, hoping to distract myself from the lump in my throat.

There are so many things on my mind that I can't even concentrate on one of them. It's like a buzzing is taking over me, leaving no room for anything else. Neither my expectations for a new life, nor the object kept in my bag, nor the hypothesis that should be consuming me, nor my marriage dissipating while I watch it all, nor my exhaustion. None of this is enough to make me feel anything.

I notice his presence beside me through my peripheral vision. He sits down, leaving almost no space between us but without touching me. I don't move to look at him or to move away from his figure. I remain focused on the people walking in front of us, wishing at this moment to have the life of the lady strolling peacefully with her dog through the streets of Monaco.

"How did we get to this?"

Of all the things I expected to hear from Lewis after weeks of not talking, this would be the last of my assumptions.

I don't think much before responding to him.

“I don't know.” I feel his gaze on me, but I still don't turn to him. “I don't think it happened at a specific moment. If only we could attribute it to one exact thing, it would make things easier.”

I can hear his breath next to me; he seems shaken, restless in his place.

“Y/n, if I could go back and undo what I did...”

“It wouldn't change a thing.” I interrupt his speech. I couldn't bear to hear Lewis's lamentations, especially at a moment like this, where I'm so detached from my own self that I'm not even aware of my emotions. “Our marriage ended before you cheated me. It ended long before that, long before losing our child. It happened, I don't think it's a good idea to keep tormenting ourselves thinking about what could have been. Because it wasn't. Simple as that. We're here today.”

He stares at me; I know he's looking into my eyes, and from the position of his body leaning towards me, I can deduce that he longs for my reciprocity. But I don't want to, and I can't look at him right now. As much as all my instincts honed over these years are begging me to go towards him.

“What if we kept trying?" He doesn't even believe in his own words. The sentence comes out like a final sigh.

“We tried for a long time. But we gave up at some point. We kept giving up on small things until they turned into huge things.”

This is the end. I know that. I've had it in my mind for a long time, and I'm sure of this decision. But it should hurt less. I should at least have the ability to breathe or to face my — still — husband.

I don't feel my words coming. I just feel the need to say them, maybe because I need a conclusion. Or because I got used to sharing everything with him, and that's still something that needs to go away.

“I don't feel happy to be here today. Maybe I should have fought more, and you too. But despite that, I know this is the right decision. And even if you don't admit it, I know you agree with me. There's no point in thinking about what could have been done when, in the end, we're here today. And nothing will change that.”

Finally, I gather the courage to look at him. He looks like a complete stranger, a totally different person than he used to be.

His gaze, which was always the thing I loved most about him, now doesn't have the same effect on me. Everything about Lewis seems off. And even though I'm close to him, I don't feel him here.

The person by my side has become a stranger. I'm overwhelmed by grief for someone who is alive and in front of me but is nowhere near who they used to be.

I stare at him for a few seconds before speaking again.

“That's the only regret I have. This habit of deceiving ourselves, the complacency we let take over our marriage. Because if we had realized earlier, if we hadn't let it get to this point where we both ended up hurt, then I would remember all these years with immense happiness. But that's not what happens. I can't even look at you because it hurts so much.” I watch tears invade his eyes right in front of mine. I feel anger and regret at the same level. “And that's the part that kills me. Knowing that the best years of my life will be the most painful to remember.” Only when I stop to breathe do I realize that I'm also crying. I let the tears flow freely down my face as I continue my train of thought. “I don't know if this feeling will change. If with time, it will get better, all I know is what I'm feeling today and what I'm living today. And I've decided that from now on, this is what I'm going to focus on. The present.”

He doesn't say anything for some time.

We stare at each other without any intention whatsoever. There's nothing to be said that would make any difference.

“I'm sorry.” I barely recognize his voice, just like the rest of his being.

“I know. Me too.”

Day 2,125

“The notification sound on my phone breaks my focus from the TV program. I grab the device resting on the couch cushion and check the notification. As soon as I read the message, my boredom is replaced by another wave of hope, as it has been happening every month for over a year.

The notification arrived, and Lewis is home today, things that almost never happen at the same time. Maybe this is a sign that this month will finally be the one that works.

Everything is seen as a sign for a desperate woman.

I jump off the couch and head towards our bedroom.

Lewis is lying down, his attention fixed on the large TV, airing the same program I was watching in the living room. The realization leaves me confused, and even a little sad. Why would he prefer to stay away from me than do exactly the same thing he's doing here, next to me?!

I swallow my wounded ego and ignore the unpleasant feeling that this understanding left me. After all, what we need to do is much bigger than my tantrum.

I climb onto the bed and approach him. Lewis doesn't bother to move.

I straddle his lap without any difficulty. My kisses start on his lips and are instinctively reciprocated by him, but his hands remain inert. I grind on his lap in an attempt to stir something. Nothing.

I move my kisses towards his abdomen, and it's only at that moment that Lewis takes some action. Not the one I wanted, of course.

“Y/n. Love. Not today, okay?*

His hands come to me, not to enjoy more of my touch, but to stop me from continuing. This irritates me, but it doesn't prevent me from continuing. I return to his neck and distribute kisses on his skin, with no intention of giving up what I need.

“Come on. It'll be quick.”

I lower my hands to the elastic of his sweatpants while still showering him with kisses, but my movements are interrupted by him.

“Y/n, stop! I said no.” His voice is loud, which makes me stop immediately.

He moves away from me abruptly. Lewis gets up without any care for how he leaves me on the bed.

I feel embarrassed like never before, anger comes in the same dimension.

”Lewis, what the fuck?!”

“I'm tired of this shit. What do you think? That I'm a damn robot you can press a button and get whatever you want? That's ridiculous.”

“I thought you wanted this too.”

Lewis's breathing is audible; he's restless as he stares at me.

"And I want to, but not like this. When was the last time we had sex because we were horny, not because we're obligated to fuck every time your phone notifies you about your fertile period, Y/n?"

"I don't know, Lewis. I'm trying to get what both of us want here."

"Yes, you're trying that by becoming the coldest person on earth. What's the next step? Do you want me to come in a jar and hand it over to you?"

"That's actually a good idea. It would make things a lot easier."

Sarcasm slips out of me effortlessly. I feel anger rising in my body. And anxiety too.

"For God's sake!" He enters the bathroom but leaves the door open. I hear the running water from the tap for a few seconds before he speaks again.

"What the hell do you want, Lewis?!" My voice erupts in a scream.

He comes back quickly to stand in front of me.

“My wife!" He yells too. "That's what I want, Y/n. Can you bring her back?! Or has this obsession taken her away too?"

My frustration is so intense that I feel my throat burning with tears that want to fall. We've never shouted at each other, never fought like we are now. Everything feels like a horrible and senseless chaos.

"I had a terrible weekend. And you didn't even bother to ask how things are. I asked you to come with me to the Grand Prix, and you chose to stay here, probably to consult with another doctor to tell you exactly what all the others have said, if there's any other doctor left in Monaco that you haven't consulted. You're so blinded by this idea that you forgot to keep living your life."

A humorless laugh escapes my lips.

"Oh, poor little thing. You had a terrible weekend? I had a terrible year, Lewis! And I'm not crying because no one came to console me or anything like that. I'm trying to do what I should, what both of us want. You don't have the right to judge me for that." I get out of bed and walk towards the door. Frustrated and overwhelmed by guilt. Today could have been the day, but it wasn't. It wasn't because he didn't want it. "Grow up, Lewis. And if you want someone to pat you on the head, go find someone else, because it won't be me."

It's the last thing I say before slamming the door behind me.”

“I think we should go back inside.”

His voice breaks the silence between us, which has lingered for some time. We stopped talking minutes ago, but we didn't feel the need to move away from each other.

I think we both know that this is the last time we stay together like this. There's no guilt in wanting to prolong this moment, as sad as it may be.

I nod as I look back at him.

I know this was the opportunity to finally tell him what I believe is happening, but I simply can't. It was too hard to get to this point, and sharing my suspicions would only hurt him and further delay the inevitable. I don't need to subject him to that, because if I'm truly right, I know this issue won't be something that lingers for long. And if I can spare him from this additional pain, that's what I'll do.

"I'll sign the papers. If that's really what you want."

"No. That's definitely not what I want, Lewis." I stand up alongside him. "But it's what we have to do if there's still any respect left for what we both lived together."

We enter the grand courtroom together, taking small steps. We walk side by side without any hurry towards the cold room that awaits us, not saying a word. No need for more lamentations. Certain of what will happen, uncertain about the future we hadn't imagined without each other.

I return to my seat, my heart racing as everyone settles in.

"My client agrees to the counterproposal," his lawyer breaks the silence.

"That's good. Now that both parties agree, you may finally sign the documents, please," the mediator seems almost relieved.

The knot in my throat chokes me. I want to escape from here, I want to cry like a baby right now. This hurts like hell. I didn't think I would have a breakdown at this moment, not when everything is so close to ending.

I try to hold myself together, to keep my breathing in check and not show how close I am to bursting into tears and screams. I think I do well in that, as the only person who notices my instability is the only person in the room who is in the same situation as I am.

His red eyes betray a nearly palpable pain.

It shouldn't be like this, it shouldn't be ending this way.

We promised we would die together, old and gray, in our house with the white façade surrounded by flowers in London.

It wasn't supposed to end in a cold room at the first instance court in Monaco. This is so damn unfair.

Lewis takes the white papers that were handed to him by his lawyer. His hands shake, but only I notice. He doesn't avert his gaze from mine, not for a second, not even as he picks up the black pen placed in front of him. He wants to be sure. He wants one last confirmation from me.

Day 0

"Our hands fit perfectly. I instantly feel calmer with his touch. I step away from my father as I approach my fiancé.

“You look perfect.” He whispers in my ear as he gets close. The emotion in his voice is clear. Lewis plants a kiss on my cheek before turning to my father.

They shake hands. My father pulls Lewis into a half-hug, I know something is said in the midst of it by the older man, but I don't hear what. Just the possibilities that pass through my mind are enough to make me laugh.

Lewis doesn't take long to turn back to me; now his attention is entirely mine.

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here on this special day to celebrate the love and union of two souls who have decided to embark on this journey of life together.”

The celebrant begins to speak. My heart races, and the smile on my face feels like it will stay there forever.

Lewis looks more handsome than ever. His happiness manages to make him even more beautiful, as if that were possible. I want to look around, see if the flowers arranged are the ones we chose, or if everyone we invited is present. But I couldn't, I couldn't look anywhere when I have the best thing in my life right in front of me. Moving his mouth and telling me "I love you" without making a sound. Just for me to know, just to make it clear.

“Marriage is a unique moment, as it is the union of two individuals who choose to share their dreams, joys, and challenges side by side. Today, Lewis and Y/n, you are taking an important step in your lives, a step that represents the promise to love and care for each other, regardless of the circumstances. The journey of love is marked by highs and lows, but it is the partnership and complicity that will help you overcome all obstacles together. Love is the force that binds your hearts, making you stronger, braver, and more willing to face any adversity. Now, I ask for everyone's attention for the vows of the newlyweds.”

Anxiety consumes me even more, but I am excited to finally be able to say the words I have been holding inside me.

I turn to Alessia, who stands behind me. She hands me the small piece of paper I entrusted to her earlier.

I try to breathe a few times before starting to pronounce the words written by me on the lined paper.

“I think it's not news to anyone here how much of a dreamer I am. Everyone who knows me has heard about my fantasies at some point.” My laughter is accompanied by that of my guests. “Many of them I judged and was aware of being impossible. After all, I know that nothing can be perfect.” I take my eyes off the paper and lock eyes with Lewis for a few seconds. “I never thought I would be so happy to be wrong.”

I try to hold back the tears as I speak, but I know my emotion is implicit and one step away from taking over me.

“You showed me that my unrealistic dreams are not only possible but even better than in my imagination. Love transcends what I thought was impossible. Your love showed me that even the bad parts are worth it if I have you by my side.” Lewis smiles in a way different from the usual, tears fill his eyes too. Which only makes me even more fulfilled. “I never imagined that I would marry that guy I met by mere chance on a night out with my friends. Not because I didn't like you right away; because I think it's clear how I was already won over by you before even knowing your name.” His laughter echoes within me. “But because I imagined that when I found the love of my life, the feeling would be different. I would be afraid, anxious, uncertain at times. After all, that's what my mind and all love stories make us believe. That it has to be complicated to be real. But that's not what happened, everything between you and me was natural, it felt right from the beginning.”

I need a few seconds to breathe, look at our guests for a brief moment, and can capture all the emotion present in the room.

How is it possible for a moment to be so magical? How could all of this result in anything other than the perfection of a life together? I thought I was sure of something until now, but this feeling shows me otherwise. There is nothing within me greater than the conviction of the right decision for the love of my life.

“I took a while to realize that this is the essence of true love. The kind that happens fluidly and unconditionally, without pressures, fears, or insecurities. In you, I found the security and comfort I didn't even know I was looking for. Now, looking back at everything we've been through, I realize that every step that brought us here was guided by destiny. Every moment we shared, every laugh, every tear, everything was part of a carefully written plot for us to find each other in this perfect fairy tale.”

“And, my love, I promise to keep cherishing this feeling that binds us. Because it was by your side that I learned that true love doesn't need to be complicated or uncertain. I thank chance, destiny, and all the forces and entities that brought us together. I am blessed for this, and there are not enough words to express my gratitude at this moment. May our love continue to grow, to blossom, and may we face every challenge together with courage and complicity. Because if I'm by your side, I know there's nothing to fear, and we'll be fine as long as we're together.”

I articulate the last sentences while looking into your eyes; they are already engraved in me even before writing them.

Lewis presses his lips together; there are a few seconds of silence before we laugh at each other. In a mix of tears and happiness.

Knowing that it's now his turn makes me more anxious than minutes ago when I started my speech.

“Oh God.” He whispers with a choked voice. “How do you expect me to say anything after that?”

“Just breathe. I'm right here.”

Our hands connect again. I tighten my grip on him, waiting for the time Lewis needs to prepare.

Eventually, Lewis brings his hand to the pocket of his pants and takes out a folded piece of paper.

I notice the tremor in his hands. But his smile remains intact.

“Y/n…” He looks at me for a few seconds before returning his gaze to the paper. “I could spend hours here telling you how certain I am that you are the love of my life. How you showed me a life that I never imagined would be mine. Or how you taught me so much that I don't know how I survived before I met you.” The hand holding the paper tightens with a certain force, but his expression, in contrast, brings me peace. “But there are not enough vows of love to tell you what I would like now, Y/n. I don't think there's a combination of words that comes close to expressing what I really want, what I feel inside me. That's why I'm not going to try, not at this moment, not in this way. I will show you, every day, what no phrase at this moment could. And that's my promise to you.”

I feel an euphoria that could be mistaken for anxiety; each word of his envelops me in a way that I even feel numb, as if floating in an almost immortal state while I listen to him. Everything within me echoes that this is the moment, the pinnacle of genuine happiness. It's the moment I intend to remember every day for the rest of my life.

Simply, the best moment of all.

I even make an effort to set aside the awareness of my emotions a little. I'm not sure what could happen if I completely surrender to what I'm feeling. It's like a nirvana, and I hope it lasts forever within me.

Lewis pauses for a few seconds before continuing.

“You are the best part of me. I am my best version when I have you by my side. And for that, I promise to cultivate each of these things that move us, promise to take care of this love and never let it go away. I promise to remember every day how lucky I am to have a wife like you, even in those moments when you drive me crazy wanting something and not being sure what, and thinking I should be a deciphering master.” Everyone laughs, tears mixed with happiness on our faces. “No. It's okay, actually your ability to confuse me is one of the things I love about you.”

“You are light. You are happiness. You are peace and a storm at the same time; you are my foundation, the love of the life of someone who never believed in fairy tales. You are my fortress, and I hope to be yours. So, I'll be here, always right here, by your side. Making sure you are always content, always supported, never alone. Never alone.” He emphasizes the last sentence. His eyes glued to mine. “I love you.”

His gaze, intense and suffocating, seems to penetrate my skin, but I maintain composure, hiding the storm unraveling within me. Any gesture from me could end up prolonging this unbearable moment, and honestly, I don't know if I could endure another hour in this room.

I resist the temptation to look away and, instead, just nod slightly. In the ensuing silence, I try to capture every detail, every line on his face, as if this were the last time I would see him. His eyes, which once shone with love, now reflect only the shadow of what we were. His Adam's apple moves, and his gaze shifts away from mine, finally releasing me from this anguish.

The fingers holding the pen are tense, white from the applied pressure. The fine tip touches the paper, leaving a trail of farewell.

A final uncertain glance.

The last second as wife and husband.

I can't believe it ended like this.

But that's how it ends. Not with a bang, but with a suffocating silence, marking the end of something we swore to be eternal. The last trace of our connection fades away, and now all that remains is the journey unfolding before me. A life now redefined by the absence of what once was us.

[…]

I enter the apartment, and exhaustion takes over my body.

It's still mid-morning, but it feels like days have passed since I woke up.

My new home is nothing like the previous one; it's a simple apartment with three bedrooms that seems to have the perfect size to avoid feeling cramped but also not so large as to leave me lonely.

The apartment of a single woman.

The walls are predominantly white, with a single exception in the living room. I painted one of the walls blue on my first day here, a choice that now seems too impulsive. I look at that wall and feel a twinge of regret, but the idea of repainting it is simply inconceivable.

I don't even like the color blue.

Suddenly, I become aware of the object I tucked into my bag days ago, and for the first time since the purchase, I feel anxious about the possibilities it holds.

I close my hand around the strap of my bag and walk to the bathroom, no hurry, but my heart beats unevenly.

I lock the door behind me, even though I'm alone, a habit I haven't lost even after leaving my parents' house.

My breath would be audible even if the house weren't in the absolute silence it finds itself in.

I do what I've done at least two hundred times in my life; there's no need to look at the instructions. At this point, it has become muscle memory. The ritual unfolds in silence, marked only by the subtle sound of paper and plastic.

With care, I return the test to its place in the small box. Hesitation hangs in the air, a prolonged pause before facing what I already know. The urgency to find out competes with the reluctance to confront. I'm not ready; I don't want to relive all of that again. The fear inside me grows to proportions I've never experienced before. If I had the slightest strength, I could have a breakdown now.

I leave the bathroom, seeking more space, trying to alleviate the suffocating sensation. The small box still in my hand.

The indicated 3 minutes have passed; the instructions say to disregard after 15 minutes. I have 12 minutes, 12 minutes to avoid the answer, 12 minutes where I still pretend not to know anything, where I can continue to delude myself for another brief interval. 12 minutes that allow me to postpone the inevitable confrontation, as if ignoring the clock could freeze the reality that may await me.

There are tears. Tears that I don't know if they're of sadness, joy, or a complex combination of both. Each drop seems to carry the weight of a journey, mourning the past loss, the uncertainty of the future, and the unexpected surprise of the possibility of a new life forming.

There's a trembling smile playing at the corners of my lips. It's a smile marked by vulnerability, fear, and resilience. The irony of discovering this right after the divorce seems to hang in the air, but there's also a flame of courage that ignites within me. A strength that arises from the need to face this chapter alone.

There is confusion. My heart feels like a maze of contradictory sensations. The duality of emotions manifests in thoughts that collide, in doubts intertwining with fearful hopes. How to balance the fragility of a new life with the pain of a previous loss? Or rather, two losses?

There is fear. It feeds on the vulnerability of being alone. The specter of the past loss still looms over me, a shadow that whispers fears. The uncertainty of what is to come.

There is happiness. Happiness that arises from the understanding that life, despite its painful twists, goes on. A new life, an opportunity to start over, even if the scenery seems daunting at first glance. It's the hope that ignites in the face of darkness.

I gather the necessary courage and hold the object firmly. I take it out of the box.

There are two lines.

[…]

Life unfolds, it happens, even though I may want to stop it at times. Choices and changes, at times, leave eternal scars. And if it hurt enough to leave a mark, it means it should always be remembered.

Before me, there is a blank canvas, a path never treaded before, where I carry my baggage and memories that I'm not sure will fade so quickly.

The pain makes room for resilience, a chance for redefinition. Life shows that the ability to move forward is the source of overcoming, even when the future is unstable and uncertain.

Even in the quietest corners of my story, there is a subtle melody that continues to play, reminding me that, despite everything, life persists, transforming into an eternal flow.

Life metamorphoses, flowing like a river that, even in the face of obstacles, finds its way, reminding me that persistence is the essence of existence.

However, this same persistence, although it is the force that makes us move forward, can also be the cause of pain, of giving up, and of exhaustion.

Learn when to say goodbye.

N/a: OMG I´M BACK!😭

I won't even justify my absence. I simply couldn't write for a long time. But I hope it was worth it. Here it is, the last chapter, finally. I hope to be able to write again and bring more stories. Thank you to everyone who followed and had patience. ❤️❤️

#au fanfiction #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton smut #lewis hamilton x reader #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #f1 #formula 1 #george russell

121 notes · View notes

oc-challenges · 4 months

Text

WELCOME TO THE OC NEW YEARS CHALLENGE!

Since the winter challenges struck out, we're crawling home. Luckily, the new years oc event is here and hopefully it will be the toast of the town. So before we all have to clean the glitter off the floor after the party, we're going to hold onto the memories of 2023 and looking forward to 2024. This event comes from @aliverse (me) and @elmunson with suggestions and feedback from the OC Challenges & Potluck discord, and it spans from the 26th of December 2023 to the 1st of January 2024. With the hope that you may never become a stranger to the oc community, let's go over the rules and then get to the challenges!

Rules

DO NOT copy others edits, if you feel someone has stolen your edits, follow these guidelines!

If you are doing crossovers, PLEASE make sure that the creator of the other oc is okay with crossovers.

If you want your post to be reblogged onto this blog, it must contain the hashtag onyc23.

Feel free to ask any questions, I promise I'll stay even when your scared, and I'm lost, and you're running away.

Everything is up to the creators interpretation, although I have tried to include some examples for help!

Have fun!

Day One: What A Tangled Web We Weave

On the first day, let's take part in one of my favorite trends this year—web weaving! Weave a captivating web incorporating quotes, images, screencaps, and more for your OC. If you're not familiar with the concept of web weaving, here's an account with a lot of examples.

Day Two: I Polish Up Real Nice

Sometimes we get tired or bored of an oc or an edit, but there still things we love about them. To reignite our love for these things, we're going to revise and revamp. Choose an oc, a story, or an edit to to refine and enhance to its fullest potential.

Day Three: In My ＿ Era

On the third day, let's reflect on the defining periods that have shaped either us or our original characters. Despite the initial impression, and my well known obsession, this is inspired by The Eras Tour but doesn't have anything to do with her.. We delve into the various eras within our OCs' lives, whether categorized by tv show season, movie, age, or any other criteria you can think of. Alternatively, share insights about the current era your in as a creator, like "in my hunger games oc era" or "in my gifset era".

Day Four: Everything New

Now that the studios have stopped being bitches, we can acknowledge all the remarkable releases of 2023 (a special shoutout to the talented individuals who contributed to their excellence). On day four, craft something inspired by a creation that emerged this year, whether it's an entirely new series or just a fresh installment in an existing one.

Day Five: Don't You Forget About Me

Though 365 days sounds like a long time, it doesn't always feel that way. In the midst of our activities this year, some things may have been unintentionally overlooked. Fortunately, there's still time to make up for it. Take this opportunity to craft something for an OC that took a backseat this year, bring to life that edit you've been yearning to create all along, or share that chapter you've been gradually working on throughout the year.

Day Six: In With The New

Let's not do out with the old, but we could certainly do in with the new. For day six, introduce a brand new oc or story you hope to be your newest muse for 2024.

Day Seven: Exchange The Experience

Tidings, tinsel, and a year of beginnings. It's start of a new chapter of our lives, especially for our original characters. Be sure to celebrate this new chapter by signing up for the OC Potluck New Years exchange and spreading joy.

#ocappreciation #allaboutocs #queerocs #onyc2023 #n: 2023 #origin post #new years challenge

55 notes · View notes

ficthots · 1 year

Text

Resolutions

A/N: This photo of Josh really does something to me. Does that make me crazy? Probably, but I just adore photos that show his personality. Okay, this one has a happy ending, I promise! As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy.

Warnings: SMUT. DNI if you are under 18. 18+ Content only.

Word Count: 10.7k+

December 31st

There truly is no holiday like New Years. It doesn’t get as much love and appreciation as it should, honestly. What is more exciting than a year full of possibilities and knowing that it could potentially be the best time of your life? Seriously, there’s nothing like it.

It’s why New Year's Eve is your favorite day of the year. Sure, to some people it’s just another day, but to you, it’s an entire world of opportunity that is laid in front of you, just waiting to be given a chance.

Every year, without fail you would carefully select a resolution that you would try your hardest to make happen within the following 365 days. In your eyes it wasn’t just a superstition, but a sound way to attempt to meet a personal goal, whatever it may be. Getting excited about the year ahead and the challenges and achievements that would happen.

In years past, you had accomplished those resolutions. Getting into a new hobby had been one goal you set in previous years. Deciding that needlework looked like an interesting task and by the end of the year you were a master of it. Every now and then you still dabble in it after a long day of work or school.

Another year was trying to get yourself more comfortable with doing things by yourself. Taking yourself out to a movie, dinner, running errands. Anything that you normally would have tried to find someone to accompany you to, you did by yourself.

It ended up being one of the best years of your life. Doing things you normally wouldn’t have because you were embarrassed. Now, it seemed silly as you looked back on all the missed opportunities from other years simply because you had no one to go with.

This previous year, you decided that your phone was taking up far too much time in your life so setting the goal to four hours of screen time a day whilst also deleting all social media to ensure a good detox was your resolution foundation. You never even missed it anymore. Unsure how you were spending so much of your time on that device was truly mind boggling, but happy with the switch in the end.

Standing in your best friend’s living room, helping her hang a New Year’s banner on her wall, you hummed to the tune playing in the background. “Alright, I’m dying to hear it.” Your brow furrowed, stepping off the arm of the couch, smoothing your skirt back down.

“Hear what?” She rolled her eyes, going to grab a streamer and toss it over the ceiling fan blades. “Your resolution. What is the big goal for the year?” Feeling heat creep up your neck and face, you felt sheepish in your reply.

Clearing your throat, you caught the streamer as it sailed towards you before hurling it back in her direction. “It’s a big one this year.” She eyed you expectantly, exhaling a large gust of breath as you continued on. “By midnight of next year's New Year’s Eve I will be kissing the love of my life.”

Her mouth hung agape, eyeing you in disbelief. “You’re being serious?” Shrugging at her question, you continued tossing the streamer back and forth. “Of course I am. I’ve accomplished all my other ones so why not this one?”

She took the remainder of the streamer roll and sat it down on the counter, eyeing you as she continued on. “All I’m saying is that picking up a new hobby and finding the love of your life are just a tad bit different.”

Your eyebrows wiggled at her, a laugh emitting with it. “No shit sherlock. You’ll see,” as you finished, a knock sounded at the door, signaling the party was just beginning. You were so totally going to prove her wrong. Obviously, you knew it was a big deal, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t do it or had less of a chance to actually accomplish this.

You’d prove her wrong.

December 31st-One Year Later

Okay so maybe you’d overshot just a little bit. You thought that it was going to be possible. Especially with how this previous year had gone. You thought it was going to align the cosmos perfectly.

Instead, the cosmos were now laughing in your face as your best friend hung onto her boyfriend, waiting for the countdown to start. Sitting lonesome in the corner of the party, this was the first year where you truly didn’t feel like celebrating the closure of the year and welcoming the upcoming 365 days with a warm embrace.

Not without him here.

January

New year also meant new semester. Within the first few days of the new year, you would always get your supply list for your courses and go shopping for whatever you would need. It’s why you were standing in the aisle of a bookstore, trying to find a copy of some eastern European novel from the 1980’s.

Sensing the presence of another individual next to you, you made a mental note to not stray into their personal space as you searched for this book. Eyes quickly darting over the figure, his hair was shaved on the sides, an almost mixture of a mohawk and mullet decorating the top and back. His features were sharp, facial hair highlighting them. Clothes basic for the large personality you could tell he was.

The book in his hand caught your attention, perking up at the sight of it. “Oh my gosh, I loved that book. ‘You Are The Universe’ is life altering, seriously. Dr. Chopra is a genius. Have you read any of his other works?” His deep brown eyes settled on you, seeing the overjoyed smile on your face and feeling his own match yours.

“Uh-yes. I have one of his books on meditation, actually.” Your eyes lit up even further. Hand darting out and grabbing his arm much to his surprise, you fell into a quick chatter about it. “I loved his book on meditation! He has a new one coming out this year, oh gosh what was it called? Something about definitive meditation to live an ultimate stress free life. I can’t wait!” He laughed at your excitement, shifting the book to his other hand to offer his.

“I’m Josh.” Your smile held true as you offered your hand and name. His cheeks pinkened as he held eye contact with you, trying to clear his throat as he nodded towards the cafe. “Are you busy at all? I would love to hear about other books you’ve read or studied. Only if you’re not busy, you know!”

Biting back a laugh, you nodded at him. “I am not busy and I would love to chat with you, Josh.” He could’ve melted into the floor right then as your name fell from his lips for the first time. Letting you walk by him first, you led the way towards a free table you had spotted.

You and Josh sat there and talked for hours. Multiple cups of coffee, laughing so hard you could hardly breath, you were enamored with the man sitting across from you. He was animated in his movements and words in a way you had never seen someone else do before. An accent or twang on words you had never heard before. Incredibly handsome features that only became more attractive the more he spoke, face mirroring everything he was thinking.

When the store associate came over to the table you both were seated at, interrupting your conversation, your face burned in mortification as they informed you both that the store was in fact closed and you needed to leave. Both scrambling to gather your belongings, you stood by the front doors and handed a piece of paper to the boy.

His eyes widened in surprise at your number scribbled on the scrap and gave a large, toothy grin. “I had a blast talking with you, Josh. That is my number. Sorry I took up most of your day.” You turned on your heel, waving over your shoulder at him as he stood rooted to his spot in shock. “I’ll call you, okay?”

Giggling, you offered a thumbs up, continuing on our walk to your apartment just a few blocks away. The second you got home that evening, you grabbed your phone, hearing the dial tone echo into the quiet room, waiting for her to pick up.

Her greeting rang out and you spoke quickly. “I think I met someone special today.”

When Josh got home that evening, his twin stood in his kitchen, not an unusual sight to see. He was there more often than at his own residence. Josh was overjoyed to see him tonight anyways. Throwing his stuff onto the sofa, he released a long breath, beaming at his brother.

“I think my life changed today.”

February

Nearly every weekend was spent together. Brunch, park afternoons, finding crystal shops, it was a blast. You had learned a good chunk about the man and felt yourself falling for him uncharacteristically fast. Whether it was his charm, wit, or humor you didn’t know. Perhaps a combination of it all.

The only obstacle you had faced so far was him being a tad protective over personal information about himself. Honestly, you didn’t try to pry too much, but it was the simple things like what he did for a living that was guarded by him.

You understood, not everyone is entirely forthcoming with information and that’s okay. You knew that if you were to ask him, he would tell you. What you did know, you adored. How close he was with his family, especially his brothers. Seriously, they were involved in almost every story he told. Passion coursing through him about music in a way you had never experienced with anyone else. Spirituality being such a large portion of his life.

Josh was a complex and extremely interesting man. It was what continuously drew you into him. Whenever he texted you, you never hesitated to respond and vice versa. If he invited you out, it was almost always a yes unless it conflicted with previous plans although you hadn’t shied away from canceling other plans to see him.

He was doing the exact same for you.

If your name popped up on his screen, it was in his hand in a split second. He always wanted to find activities to do with you, knowing it wouldn’t be hard to entertain you given how similar you truly were. Jake was utterly annoyed at how often he was speaking about you despite his warnings of being careful. Josh didn’t have the slightest worry in his mind.

Not with you.

After a morning spent at the farmer’s market together, you were overjoyed with the items you had found today. Josh’s own tote bag holding goodies he just couldn’t turn away from. “Hey, I want to drop these off at my place, is that okay? It’s super close, just a couple blocks away.”

Your eyes were glued to your screen, but when you looked up at the boy, his smile blinded you. Chatting the entire way to your home, when you opened the door to your apartment, Josh surveyed the area.

“Come in and make yourself at home.” You spoke as you walked the ten feet to your kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. The entire apartment was visible from where you stood. No designated bedroom, just a bed with a sofa at the end facing the television. A small bathroom off the singular room. Decent sized kitchen given the small space, but you didn’t mind.

You loved this place more than anything. It was your home and the first place you could afford to get into by yourself. Who cared if it was small? You certainly didn’t. And neither did Josh.

He toured himself around the space, taking in any information about you that he could. A small gallery wall was next to the front door, images showing a slew of people he didn’t know, but wanted to based on the show stopping smile that adorned your face in each snap. Little knick-knacks were littered on the minimal surface space. Your colorful comforter reminded him of something from the mid-2000’s. The flower shaped rug in the living room and bathroom backed that up.

It screamed you.

Plopping yourself down on the sofa, you watched as Josh continued moving around the space. Being respectful not to touch anything, his arms securely behind his back and joined at the wrists. A permanent smile on his lips, occasionally growing larger at small things he would notice. When his eyes fell to you once again after doing a full loop, he sat next to you.

“I love your apartment. It’s very,” his smile grew softer as did his gaze, “you.” His finger booped your nose as he finished. Your chin tipped up, a large and proud grin placing itself on your features. “Thank you. I love it, too. First place I ever called my own.”

He hummed in thought, eyes never leaving you. It happened within a split second. One moment you had made eye contact with him, the next you were straddling his waist, ingrained in an explosively passionate kiss.

Tongue sweeping over every crevice of your mouth he could reach, desperate to get his fill of you in anyway he possibly could. A light whimper fell from your lips as his hips jutted upwards, quickly hardening cock pressing into the tiny amount of fabric that separates you two.

Dress bunched around your hips, the lacey thong you had opted for today proved to be a good decision. Practically dripping through the white material, he could feel the dampness pooling in between your legs.

When you pulled away from his mouth, a gasp escaping your throat at the sensation of the thrusting of your hips, he took the opportunity to leave his mark on your neck.

Fingers tangling in his locks, you tugged as he cupped your breasts over the fabric of your dress. “God, I’ve wanted to rip this off you all day. Walking around, begging to be fucked in this, huh?”

Nodding feverently, you choked out a response, his thumb brushing over your budding nipple that poked through the fabric. “Yes, please, yes.” You didn’t care how desperate you sounded.

Not when Josh was as rock hard as he was beneath you, feeling every inch pressing into your clothed core. Pulling the already plunging neckline down further, your breasts fell out of the top.

A groan emitted from him at the astonishing sight. “No bra either? Fucking filthy,” he muttered as he took one in his mouth, entire nipple disappearing in between his teeth. Grinding down harder on him, he decided he didn’t want to tease.

Not the first time, anyways.

Switching to your neglected tit, he used his free hand to release himself from the confines of his pants. His weeping head immediately sank into your heat.

Mouth falling open, no sound escaping, you savored the feeling of the stretch. Pussy walls fluttering around him as you sank further and further onto him, he was staggering through his breaths.

Head falling back, his exposed neck was strained, veins popping with exertion. Leaning forward, the tip of your tongue traced up from his collarbone to his jawline, following one singular vein. Placing a chaste kiss at the end, he nearly whimpered.

Starting your movements quickly, his hands held onto your bare hips, fingers indented so deep, it was bruising. Knowing that this was going to finish fast, your pace matched the desperation you both felt.

His encouraging words filled your ears, the lude sounds somehow amplified as you chased your highs. It slammed into you, your body convulsing as you halted, not able to take the sensitivity as the overwhelming finish rocked you.

Josh was only moments after you, pulling out of your cunt despite that being the absolute last thing he wanted to do, but given he wasn’t wrapped and was unaware of your birth control situation, decided to play it as safe as he could.

As you both caught your breath, your hands rested on his heaving shoulders. The post orgasmic glow that decorated his skin made him look like a mythological god as he basked in the warmth.

“Thanks for coming over.” You huffed out with a laugh as his barking one echoed through the small space.

March

Hangs at your place became a regular after that day. Josh would wander over for dinner constantly, spending the night more often than not. You looked forward to those days, where he would show up at your door with either takeout from a new place he had heard about or ingredients for you two to cook together.

It was after another shared night, sweat riddled bodies stuck together, cum painting your stomach after another intense release. He pulled you up, having you join him in your unbelievably tiny shower where he washed away the dirty details of the evening from your skin.

Far too pretty to hold the remanentes of the night on you for longer than necessary. His aftercare was unmatched, always going the extra mile to let you know that the crude phrases and acts he performed on you were never what he truly thought. You informed him that you knew he never meant it, but he swore he needed to prove it to you.

Who were you to fight that?

His hand traced lazy circles on your bare shoulder, on the verge of drifting off to sleep when his voice broke the silence. “Star?” Tilting your head back to get a better view of him, you placed a chaste kiss to the underside of his jaw to let him know you were listening. “Do you want to come over to my place tomorrow?”

Smile growing with a true tiredness seeping into it, you nodded. Snuggling closer to his bare chest, a content sigh escaped him. Excited for what tomorrow would offer. Ready to answer the questions he knew you would have.

This had to be the wrong address.

Double and then triple checking the address he had sent you, you stared at the massive country house in disbelief. It resembled more of an estate than a house. The message stared back at you, Doors unlocked come on in :)

This couldn’t be the house. Wasn’t he the same age as you? You could’ve sworn he said he was. Then what the hell did he do for work? Tech? Trust fund baby? All of these thoughts ran rampant in your head as your legs carried you to the door, pushing open the large wooden piece, and stepping into the foyer.

“Jo-Josh?” Your voice wavered and cracked as you called out. The front entryway alone looked like it belonged in Architectural Digest. You weren’t entirely sure it hadn’t been featured already. His voice carried through the space, calling out to you from a direction you weren’t sure of. The place was so large you thought your ears were playing tricks on you.

Trusting your gut, keeping your hands at your sides, you followed the sounds of music and the smell of cooking to get you to where he was. The enormous kitchen had him looking like a gourmet chef as he prepared dinner for you both. He turned when he heard you arrive, a beaming smile greeting you as he circled the counter.

Lips landing on yours, both hands cupping your cheeks, you barely registered what was happening. “Hello, my stardust. Did you have trouble finding the place? It took you a bit.” He walked back to the stove and you shook your head, terrified to touch anything.

“No, no, I just wasn’t sure I had the correct address. This place is,” you trailed off, eyes scouring the high ceiling, falling to the dining room, “big.” You finally finished, settling your attention back on him. “I thought you were twenty-six?” You spoke before you could catch yourself.

A cackle fell from him as he plated your food. “I am.” Eyes quickly darting up to see your confused face. “Then, what? How?” Josh nodded at your question, grabbing the plates and bypassing the dining room. “Grab those glasses and that bottle. Follow me and I will tell you.”

Doing as he said, you trailed behind him to the outdoor patio, seeing candles all over the space, table decorated for the occasion. Land stretching for miles past the house. Sitting with a large sigh, he leaned back in his chair after taking a bite of his food, seeing you still sitting stick straight, cautiously grabbing your fork.

“It’s a fork, babe, not a diamond.” You felt silly for acting this way, but truly you weren’t sure what you were supposed to be doing right now. He laughed at your stressed expression. “Star, you gotta relax! It’s still me. I’m still, Josh.” Your eyes narrowed in his direction, taking a bite of the food.

Shrugging, you stifled a moan at the taste exploding on your tongue. “I have a feeling I’m about to meet a very different Josh.” His head cocked to the side, watching you, trying to gauge how you were feeling. “Possibly.”

Taking another large bite, you eyed him expectantly. “Well, I’m waiting.” He chuckled before continuing with the explanation you were sitting on pins and needles for. “Remember how I told you I spend a lot of time with my brothers?” You nodded, eyebrows knitting together.

“You guys work together? Like a family business?” You said as you bit into bread. “Kind of.” He replied with a breathless laugh. “We have a band. It’s called Greta Van Fleet.” Trying to understand how that occupation would’ve gotten him this house was still attempting to connect. “You guys are,” placing the words in the correct order was extremely crucial at this point, “successful, then?”

Chuckling at your question, he nodded, chin resting on his hands. “Yeah, I guess so. Millions of monthly listeners on Spotify, multiple tours, we actually just finished our first world tour, a few albums, another coming out soon, another impending world tour,” you laughed, holding your hands up in defeat.

“Okay, okay, I get it. So what do you do?” His eyes narrowed, a playful smirk dancing on his lips. “What do you think I do?” Tongue poking your cheek, you set your utensils down and eyed him in thought. “Honestly?” He nodded, taking a bite of his dinner.

“Well, you have a soundboard guy vibe right off the bat, but I’m guessing that’s not it, right?” He erupted in laughter at your observation, throwing his napkin at you. “You son of a bitch! No, that is not what I do!” Giggles wracked your body as you made your actual guess.

Sighing, you took him in. Knowing his personality better than ever, what kind of aura that surrounded him, the energy he put out into the universe. “Front man. Singer. Showman. Am I right?” His cheeks tinted, pointing at your plate. “Finish your dinner before it gets cold.”

Deciding to tease him, you sipped from your wine glass. “If I do, do I get a show?” Eyes dancing with mischief and badgerment, his jaw set in playful annoyance. “Don’t make me punish you.”

Eyes squinting in his direction, you decided instantaneously how you wanted the evening to go. “Maybe I want you to punish me.” Watching as his jaw set, flexing that muscle in his cheek, your skin set aflame.

Josh had the table swiped clean, plates and glasses crashing to the floor with a loud clatter. “Josh!” You exclaimed, but he had you up right after, face down on the wooden table, dress up, hand connecting harshly with your ass.

His free hand held your face to the table, fist wrapped in your hair to hold you in place. “You want to be punished like the slut you are? I’ll punish you, mama.” Another smack left your unsuspecting ass aching.

Thighs clenching together with burning need, his foot came between your own, pushing your legs wide. “No, you want to play this game, I’ll play. But you don’t win. Only I do.” A whimper left your parted lips.

Underwear yanked down your legs, you hissed as his fingers ran up your slick folds. “God, look at you. What a fucking mess. All for me, right?” Nodding, you struggled briefly against his hold, but to no avail as he didn’t let you move an inch.

Bringing his fingers to your face, you could smell your own arousal coating them. “Clean ‘em,” his fingers shoved into your waiting mouth where you hungrily accepted them, sucking them clean.

“Disgusting,” he chuckled, but you knew he loved it. Josh got off on being the dominant one. Never the one to be incredibly domineering in other aspects of life, he craved it in the bedroom. Having utter control over you in this way was erotic in a way he didn’t know he loved so much. Not until you.

He entered you in one thrust, tip of his cock brushing your cervix instantly. Your body jerked with the motion, causing the table to slightly shuffle on the floor. Standing on your tiptoes, ass facing up the way it was, Josh had never seen a more beautiful sight then this.

Tonight wasn’t about you in the least. Not with how relentlessly he was fucking into you. When you felt a dribble of spit land in between your ass cheeks, an unexpected gasp flew from you.

“I bet you’d let me do anything to you, wouldn’t you? You’d let me fuck your ass if I really wanted to, huh?” You nodded, a chorus of ‘yes’ escaping your parted lips.

His thumb landed on the hole, lightly pushing in. When you clenched around him, he faltered momentarily, almost stopping entirely. “You fucking like that? When I finger you?” Nodding, tears escaped your eyes.

Josh didn’t last much longer. The intense heat of your greedy cunt sucked him entirely dry, emptying out into you in a way he didn’t know was possible. It took him a few minutes to come down from that high, never pulling out from you.

You startled, feeling lips land on the center of your spine. “You’re an Angel, you know that?” Your fucked out face gave way to how gone you truly were. Not entirely sure when you had finished, you could feel it in your muscles.

Standing you both up, he turned you around, pulling your head towards him. Connecting in the sweetest greeting he could offer you, his forehead rested on yours. “Go get the shower going, I’ll bring up water and a snack, okay?”

Eyes fluttering shut, you headed back in the house, Josh watching you in total awe.

He was falling. Fast.

But all you could think of was the fact that he was going to be leaving on a world tour soon and you couldn’t do long distance. You just couldn’t.

April

You had never experienced anything like this in your life. Not even remotely close. Flying first class, having a private car greet you at the curb of the airport, delivering you to a five-star resort where a suite was booked for you, VIP pass waiting on the desk with your name on it. You were in awe.

The hotel room door opened and when you spun around and saw his figure there, you shook your head at him. “Josh, this is insane. I thought I was just coming to watch your show! What is all of this?” Your hands waved around at the enormous living room, but he knew you were talking about the entire experience as well.

Hands landed on your hips, dragging you towards him with a deep kiss planted on you, he sighed into it, almost in relief. “I want your first time seeing us to be memorable. Unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before!” Your frown deepened at his words. “Just coming and seeing you would have sufficed and been more than memorable. This is a lot, Josh.” He could sense your unease with every word you spoke.

Fingertips landing under your jaw, he tilted your head back to look at him. “I wanted to do this for you, stardust. This is to make your trip even better. Just enjoy it with me, yeah?” His persuading tone, the lovey look in his eyes, you couldn’t fight it.

“Yeah, yeah okay.” Literally jumping for joy in front of you, you erupted in a fit of laughter at his sheer excitement. Seeing the small carry-on suitcase that sat on the sofa, he released a large breath you didn’t know he had been holding.

He would never admit it, but your pending arrival had been playing on his nerves. Pressure surmounting in a way he had never felt before. Wanting to impress you in any way he could, he finally understood why his feelings were as intense as they were. You didn’t care about all of this.

No, you just wanted to see him perform. He knew that he didn’t have to do all of this for you and your reaction to it proved that. Making his heart soar, nerves releasing immediately, unsure why he was so on edge to begin with.

Jake had told him that Josh had been driving everyone insane. Ensuring that everything was going to be utterly perfect for their show tomorrow night, spending more time than usual to secure that guarantee.

Slightly dressier than normal, Josh told you that the day before the actual concert, his brothers wanted to go out for dinner to formally meet you. You were entirely freaking out. Not sure how to act around actual celebrities, rockstars, and the like which they all technically were. Telling yourself over and over that if they were related to Josh, they had to be good guys.

The restaurant was packed, but a small corner section of the restaurant was set for a table that had a Reserved sign atop it was exactly where Josh was heading. Being the first ones there meant you got another moment to take a breather, tamping down the nerves that wracked your frame.

Arriving one by one, the tallest of the bunch greeted you both warmly. Immediately pulling you into an embrace, his bright smile was incredibly welcoming. “Ah, we finally get to meet! I’m Danny, only one not technically blood related, but a brother nonetheless. How was your flight out? Have they taken drink orders yet?” He was continuously speaking as he sat down across from you both, grabbing the menu and perusing the options.

Falling into easy conversation, the next sibling arrived, Sam you could tell by the interesting fashion choice for the day. He offered a brief greeting to the group before diving into the plan for the show the next day. They fell into a chatter about it as you sat quietly, taking it all in and trying to understand some of the terminology they were throwing around.

Instantly recognizing the final brother, Jake, you couldn’t fight the grin that took over your face at how similar yet strikingly different the twins were. Jake ignored his spitting image, focusing his attention on you solely, putting the rest of the posse into silence as he spoke.

“Thank god we can finally meet in person. Maybe this will get him to shut the fuck up sometime.” Stunned at his first words to you, Josh reached over you to get to his brother, lightly smacking him in the face. “Sit the fuck down you imbecile.” Jake went to catch his hand, but Danny put his own up between them. “Jesus, we just got here. Everyone sit down. We have a guest!”

You could feel your face burn, not knowing what to do. Josh’s reassuring hand landed on top of your knee, offering a light squeeze. The remainder of the night went off without a hitch, quickly discovering that the behavior you witnessed was normal for this group of siblings. A night spent full of laughter and enjoyment at the never ending stories they had of their eldest brother was endearing to bear witness to.

Tips of his ears burning crimson, cheeks holding a permanent pink hue, embarrassment pummeling him as he could not get them to stop. Once the meal had come to a close, you all left the restaurant, earning a hug from each boy, all offering their kind words of how great it was to meet you and how excited they were for you to see them perform the next night.

Josh and you walked hand in hand back towards the hotel, the crisp evening air still signaling it was spring, summer still a bit off on the horizon. It was a walk that was quiet, but not in an uncomfortable way. Not in the least. Just enjoying the company of who you were with, not pressured to fill the silence.

“Everyone loved you, by the way.” Rolling your eyes at the statement, you gave him a knowing look. “That’s what you have to say.” He laughed at your statement, but tugged your hand back, forcing you to stand with him. “I’m serious! You fit in so well. You should’ve seen the first time we met one of Sam’s partners. It was horribly uncomfortable. Honestly, they love you.”

Feeling a burst of pride, you stuffed it down, continuing to walk as he trailed behind you. “Yeah, they’re not too bad.” His booming laugh echoed off the surrounding buildings.

You had never seen anything like it. The performance they put on was mind numbingly spectacular. Standing in awe the entire time, you wanted nothing more than to experience this over and over again. The fans were so enthralled with the boys it was unlike anything you had ever experienced. Seeing Josh in an element you didn’t know he could get to.

When you caught his wandering gaze going towards your section multiple times throughout the performance, you eventually heard others around you shouting about who he could be looking for, that someone had caught his eye obviously. You played it cool, but the butterflies that erupted within you, you couldn’t fight off.

As the show came to a close, following an encore you didn’t know they opted to do with most of their shows, you were dying to get backstage and see him. When you finally had found your way to where you were supposed to be, sitting in a dressing room waiting for him, you were on the edge of your seat in anticipation.

The door opened and Josh entered the room in only a towel. A bead of water dripped from his pec to his navel, slowly traveling further beneath the plushy material.

Swallowing thickly, the tension in the room was unlike anything between you two. Buzzing around you both, it was incredibly intense. Slowly standing, you moved towards him, sinking to your knees directly in front of him.

His eyes never left yours, on stage presence still clinging to him. The high of the nights performance sizzled on his skin. He put up no fight as you pulled the towel from him. Hard length already greeting you.

Maintaining eye contact, you kissed the leaking tip lightly. He sucked in a shallow breath. Not a single word uttered between you, just accepting him into your waiting mouth.

Eyes fluttering to the back of his skull the further down you sank, when his tip hit the back of your throat, he moaned. The sound vibrated all the way down to his dick, the sensation making you moan.

Hollowing out your cheeks, you bobbed up and down his length, slowly and with intention. Both hands at work, one on the areas of him you couldn’t reach, the other cradling his balls.

When you felt them tightening in your palm, you sucked harder on his tip only, knowing it always drove him over the edge. His cum cascaded down your throat in thick streams of creamy ropes. You didn’t let a drop go to waste, holding him still in your mouth until he decided he was done.

As he came down, bracing himself on the chair to his right, he snapped back into the reality of himself. Your Josh was back. Pulling you up and into his embrace, he instantly began bombarding you with questions about the show.

It was hysterical that the man had just finished in your mouth less than forty-five seconds ago and was now enthralled with how the show had gone.

Only catch was you had to answer as he devoured your pussy like a starved man. You could do that.

You knew that there was still one more day of your trip before you were bound to return home, Josh following only a couple days later, but he had planned a romantic day out for you two. What had been a splendid day spent in one another's company, had ended in sour ruin.

After a wonderful dinner, you two sat in the luxurious hotel room, basking in the attention of the other. “I need to make sure I’m all packed. My flight leaves early,” you sighed out, seeing the permanent smile glued to his face.

The expression on his face had you giggling, pushing hair from his forehead. “What?” He shrugged, doe eyes never leaving you. “Nothing.” You sat up, a smirk gracing your lips, persistent to figure out why he was looking at you that way. “Come on, what?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Breath catching in your throat at his admission, you felt tears welling in your eyes. Jumping up from the sofa, you went to the adjoining room, attempting to occupy yourself so as to not have to deal with this. “Star!” Josh called out after you, hot on your heels as you tried to run.

When you went to the massive closet, grabbing your clothes from the hangers and throwing them in the suitcase, you could feel the tremble in your hands. “What’s wrong? What did I do?” Your eyes squeezed shut, hands braced on the edge of the suitcase, trying to steady your breathing.

“It’s this fucking room. This room is too big! Look at the size of that closet. It’s literally the size of my apartment. This is-is too much. It’s not meant for me,” Josh’s confused look washed over his face, monitoring your hurried movements as you tried to shakily fold a top. “You’re upset about the room?”

Keeping your back turned to him, you went to the bathroom and grabbed your toiletries from the counter. “Of course I am, Josh. Look at this place. I don’t belong in this!” Your hands waved haphazardly around the space, hearing your panicked tone echo off the tiled walls.

“Or you’re trying to find any excuse and reason to not say it back to me.” Your chest heaved at his words. Eyes connecting, your hands still trembled, head shaking ‘no’ as your eyes fell downcast to your feet. The plush carpet that looked like no one had ever walked on it before, soft underneath your bare toes.

His hands grabbed your wrists, the cool touch of his fingers somehow scorched the skin it touched. “We can’t do this, Josh. Nothing has changed,” you sniffled, shuffling your feet nervously. His head shook, getting you to look at him.

“I know, sweet girl. But I do love you.” Your bottom lip trembled, feeling tears start to fall down your cheeks. His thumbs brushed them away, offering a sad smile at your teary demeanor. He sighed, pulling you into a tight embrace.

Returning it immediately, your arms wrapped securely around his torso, crying into his chest. His cheek pressed into the crown of your head, hands rubbing your back soothingly. “I know, stardust. I know.”

Pushing his confession of feelings to the side, you both had decided that despite the intense feelings you had, that remaining friends was going to be the best course of action. For now, at least.

With another impending world tour, you weren’t up for trying the long distance relationship, especially with it being so early in the said partnership. In the meantime, friends were what you had settled on, and that’s what you were going to roll with. No matter how much it killed you.

Josh’s birthday had sprung up just a week and half after your trip. No matter how much you had begged him to let him help you plan the party, he refused. Stating it was a massive surprise for everyone.

He was ecstatic that you were going to be attending and meeting the remainder of the Kiszka gang. You on the other hand were terrified beyond belief of meeting his parents. Of course, since there was nothing romantic happening between you both, there shouldn’t have been as much worry.

You were dead wrong.

The minute you had stepped into the backyard where an enormous tent covered a good portion of his sprawling land, you had been snatched by the brothers and were paraded around to meet any and everyone you possibly could.

You spent so much time mingling with the party goers, you had only briefly seen Josh and that was when he had peeled you away for two brief seconds to adorn your facepaint for the shindig. Even still, he was only able to mutter a quick hello before you were dragged off by someone else.

Exhausted didn’t quite cover it. The party had long since dwindled down, most of the guests having left, but you remained sprawled out on a rug, head propped up by scattered pillows, eyes soundly shut as you listened to the springtime creatures coming out for the night.

A loud sigh startled you from the relaxing state you had just been in, but instantly melted when you realized it was Josh. “There’s the birthday boy. Didn’t think I was gonna get to see you at all today,” your fingers brushed a stray curl from his forehead as he smiled at you.

“Mm.” He responded, eyes shutting as he savored your touch. “Thanks for coming, pretty girl.” You giggled, snuggling closer into his arms. Placing a chaste kiss on his neck, his arms tightened around you. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked for your birthday gift yet.”

His head craned back to get a better look at you, excitement taking over his features. “We already did presents. You know I don’t expect anything from you,” he smiled at you, sweetly in the way only Josh could. The way that set your stomach alight with butterflies.

“Close your eyes.” He sighed, but did as he was told. Eyes slipped shut, his fingers laced together on his stomach, a small smile gracing his full lips.

It was silent for a moment, but when you spoke, Josh nearly choked on air. “Happy Birthday, Joshy.” You were laid there, entirely nude, against some of the pillows that had been set up for the party.

Legs spreading to offer an invite, you beckoned him over with a wag of a finger. “Come enjoy your present, birthday boy.”

May

You did great things for friends all the time. Including spending an entire day with the age group you most despised for charity. Children and you simply did not mix. They were loud, almost always sticky, and to be totally brutally honest, were fairly incompetent.

However, given your best friend is a second grade public school teacher, you would do anything in the world for her. Which is why on the most gorgeous Saturday afternoon you were at the public library, out in the grass field directly in front of the building, reading a picture book to a large group of kindergartners.

“Boy, was she surprised! She didn’t even get mad at me for interrupting.” As you continued to read the book, your eye caught someone towards the back of the group, smiling at him as he watched you finish the book.

The group of kids erupted in clapping as did their parents as you closed the book. Thanking everyone for their attention, you stood and made your way over to Josh. “That was fantastic. I always thought Little Critter books were the high point of literature.” Nodding in agreement, you two strolled over to one of the set up tabletops, placing the book back in one of the bins.

“Oh, I agree. Grew up on them and they taught me everything I know.” Josh nudged you with a laugh, head tipping back in the direction you two had just been. “You were good with them.” You groaned, stopping and observing the large crowds in the area, stuffing your hands in your pockets. “I hate kids.”

Josh choked on his spit before blowing up in laughter. Your giggles mixed with his belly shaking chortles. “Wha-what? I’m serious! I despise kids. I’m only doing this for that lady right there,” your finger pointed at your best friend, but Josh didn’t see her, hunched over trying to catch his breath.

“God, you’re awful.” Josh spoke as he finally calmed down, wiping at his eyes. Your giggles still held as you smiled at him. “Thank you for coming. Really, you didn’t have to.” Shrugging, he pulled his wallet from his back pocket. “I know the only reason you invited me is because I have a checkbook.”

Feigning shock, you eyed the leather. “Wow. What an assumption to make. Not like I wanted to spend the day with my friend. It’s a beautiful day out and I thought we would enjoy each other’s company. It hurts me that you think so lowly of me.” He rolled his eyes, scoffing at your words.

“Okay fine then. If you reached donation caps,” before he could finish the sentence, you grabbed his wallet, heading towards the donation table. “No, no, if you insist!” Josh laughed as he followed after you.

When your best friend appeared at your side, out of breath and stressed, you turned your attention towards her. “God, kill me now. Seriously, please. Some of my students are here and they won’t leave me alone,” as she was speaking through gritted teeth, waving at the group she was talking about, you snorted.

“Hence why I dropped the teaching program,” she shot daggers at you, before realizing who was standing next to you. “Oh my gosh, Josh, right? It’s so nice to finally meet you. This one does not shut up about you. It was so sweet of you to come today. Gosh, you must be a really good lay,” she said as she smoothed down a section of your hair, offering what you knew was a sincere smile.

Your eyes blew wide, about to speak again, but were cut off when she got called away by another volunteer. “And that was someone who speaks their mind without a filter!” You chuckled trying to play off the disastrous first meeting.

Josh laughed in shock, but shook it off. “It was a compliment. Right?” You smiled at him, turning on your heel and changing the subject. “They need us over here!” You called over your shoulder at him, but he wasn’t letting it go.

“It was a compliment, right? Right?”

June and July

It was coming to an end. The times of Josh being around whenever you wanted or needed him. He knew it was coming to a close soon, which is why he was trying to spend more time with you now than ever before.

Laying in his backyard, a blanket underneath you, the sun's rays warming your skin, you felt at utter peace. Josh was seated next to you, scribbling things down in his notebook, humming to an imaginary tone. It was early in the day, having spent another night at his home, Josh told you he wanted to spend the morning outside before it became too hot.

Popping another berry in your mouth, your eyes remained shut, savoring the comfort that was being offered to you right then. Something you weren’t sure when it would happen again.

They were leaving in a week.

This was how most of the month of June had gone. Mornings and nights spent entangled in one another. Sex outside more often than you could count. Trying to be as close to each other as physically possible meant Josh was more often buried deep within you than not.

Not that you complained. It was euphoric whenever you were together, something you had never shared with another being. Especially one as magnificent as Josh. That’s why you knew parting was going to be even more difficult than it should’ve been.

July was propelling through time at such a fast pace, you weren’t sure how time was moving so quickly. In the blink of an eye the fourth of July had come and gone, a wonderful barbecue invitation extended to you from the brothers. All of the days were melting into a blur.

Before you knew it, you were eyeing the packed luggage that was stacked by his front door, wondering where the hell the last six weeks had gone. “Okay, this key is my copy, but while you water the plants and check on the house, it’s yours.” He was running through a checklist, handing you his key, but stopped when he didn’t hear a reply.

Chin resting on the back of the couch, his sad eyes held your own. “I don’t understand how you’re leaving already.” You said with a humorless chuckle seeping into the words. His hand reached out and entangled his fingers with yours. “I know.”

Trying to put on a happier demeanor for him, you blinked rapidly, fighting back the depressed state pushing forward. “But, you will send me pictures and videos from everywhere you go, right?”

Thumb brushing over the back of your hand, he nodded, a smile finally holding his lips. “Of course.” Your free hand came up, making his eyes lock with yours instead of the conjoined fingers. “I expect a souvenir from every stop.” Rolling his eyes, he laughed, but it died in his throat with a heavy swallow.

“Two from every stop.” Sighing, your hand swept the smooth skin, admiring his features in the lowlight of his living room. “I love you,” he whispered out. What could only be described as a heartbroken smile formed on your trembling lips.

A sniffle emitting from you as you nodded. “I know,” his watery gaze met yours, expecting a response. One you didn’t want to give despite feeling it yourself. Knowing that if it fell from you, you wouldn’t be able to get through this period of time with him gone.

“You leave early.” You spoke out, but Josh abruptly stood, hands landing on his hips in anger. “Why won’t you say it back to me?” His pained expression was a solid view of his emotions. Letting your head fall forward, your eyes shut. “Don’t do this, Josh.”

Scoffing at your reply, he began pacing, thinking out loud. “Is it just me that feels this? Am I a loon for saying it to you? Every time I say it to you, I only get that reply back! Do you not love me?” His tone grew more harsh, volume increasing.

“That’s not it,” he looked bewildered at your frame sitting on his couch. “Then what is it? Because I don’t understand!” You stood from the couch, stepping back and letting your emotions take hold of your logical reasoning.

“Just because you say you love me doesn’t change anything, Josh! Neither does me saying it back. Because at the end of the day, you are still going to leave and I’m still going to be here!” Your chin wobbled at your words, trying to catch your breath as Josh crossed the room to reach you.

Pulling you into his embrace, your muffled words fell onto his ears as you sobbed. “I can’t say it and then you leave. I can’t do it,” his hands rubbed your back, feeling regret seep into his bones. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. You don’t have to say it back to me. I’m sorry.”

Josh left early the next morning.

July-September

Summer is horrible. It’s too hot out to do anything past nine in the morning, bugs crawl out from the deepest pits of hell, and when you’re getting over a heartbreak, you want nothing to do with the outside world.

There was absolutely nothing monumental that happened over the remainder of summer. You concluded your required summer courses early and decided to take a part-time job at a bookstore to fill your time with something meaningful.

While you spent most of your days sulking around, Josh was having the time of his life on another world tour with his brothers. Or so he portrayed.

He too was miserable without your constant company. It’s why he was texting you nearly every single day with updates on what he was doing, asking what your plans for the day were, and ending as many days as he could with a phone call to you to hear about how your day had been.

Hearing your depleted tone on the phone was destroying him. Despite agreeing to remain friends, he had never struggled with something as much as he did with this. Trying to ask in nonchalant ways if you were seeing anyone whilst he was away. He made it clear to you more than once that he had no interest in seeing other people, but deep down, you weren’t sure if you bought it.

He was a grown man who had the world at his fingertips. Why would he not take advantage of that? Because it was Josh. When he knew that you were at home, he had no interest in anyone else. That was what you had become for him in such a short span of time.

Home.

October

Halloween was a great holiday. As a child, there was nothing easier than dressing as your favorite character from the previous year, walking your neighborhood, and getting free candy. Seriously, what could beat that?

You didn’t care how nerdy you seemed, Star Wars was your favorite alternate universe to indulge in. Your best friend was notorious for throwing the best Halloween parties where everyone would dress up and enjoy the night. This year, your Ahsoka costume was literal movie quality.

Being immensely proud of the work you had put in for this costume, you FaceTimed Josh, excited for him to see you in the full getup. Answering, but the screen being dark, you were ecstatic. “Joshy! Look, look!” Setting the phone on your dresser and stepping back, the closeup of his face was shocked.

“Holy shit! Well, your costume is much better than mine.” You giggled, asking to see his, but he shook his head. “No, the camera won’t do it justice. Just like I’m pretty certain yours looks even better in person.”

When you went to respond, a knock sounded from your front door. “Hold on a second, Josh.” Walking over to the door and pulling it open, you stood rooted to your spot, jaw agape at who was standing there.

“See, I told you, looks so much better in person.” A high pitch squeal left your throat, throwing yourself into his embrace. Savoring the feeling of his embrace, even if it was slightly altered due to his Jedi robes. Still in awe, you pulled back, taking the boy in before diving into questions.

“When the hell did you get here? When do you have to go back? Why are you here? Did you do this for me?” He laughed at the slew of queries, but answered them all. “About forty minutes ago. I had to change in the airplane bathroom, which was not easy by the way. I have a flight out of here tomorrow morning at six to be back for our show tomorrow night. Of course I’m here for you. You think I was going to miss this party and the chance to see your Ahsoka costume in person? You’re crazy.”

Feeling tears well in your eyes, you smiled brightly at him. “This is the best surprise ever. Seriously, Josh, I can’t thank you enough. You didn’t have to do this.” He shrugged, playing it off like this monstrous favor for you was just another day in the books for him.

“Come on, Ahsoka. We have a party to get to.”

November

Why are the holiday’s always so incredibly stressful and busy? They’re supposed to be a time of relaxation and enjoyment spent with family. Yet here you were slaving away for a meal that was going to take less than twenty minutes for twenty people to consume.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though.

Flying home to spend Thanksgiving with your family had been a whirlwind of a time. Between classes, being bombarded with calls from your mother about an updated guest list for the holiday, and the job you refused to quit, you were stretched thin.

So thin, that communication with Josh had been incredibly difficult. His schedule was so hectic and yours was almost never the same day by day, if you could ever catch each other to actually talk, it was rare.

Most of the updates you received were from various forms of social media and even then, they were few and far between.

Standing in your parents kitchen, you poured the chocolate pie filling into the baked crust, trying to scrape the bowl for all its contents when your phone rang out from the counter behind you. Quickly, hitting accept, Josh’s cheery face filled your screen.

“Happy Thanksgiving, stardust!” You smiled, attention on smoothing out the chocolate for it to set properly in the fridge. “Happy Thanksgiving, globe trotter!” As you finished, a timer went off on the stove. “Mom, the turkey!”

Josh’s amused chuckle rang out as your mom hustled into the kitchen. Her attention settled on the screen and her smile grew tenfold. “Hi Josh! Happy Thanksgiving, sweetie. Are you with your family? How’s your mom?” Your face burned as she chatted away with him like old pals.

Grabbing the baster, you spread the juices over the bird as they spoke to one another, entirely ignoring you. Setting the pie in the fridge, you took the oven mitt, moving to place the turkey back in the oven.

“Oh my goodness, you boys are so silly! Your poor mother has her hands full, I’ll tell you that.” You stared at your mom, holding the massive meat and tray in your arms. “Yes, mom and my hands are full as well. The oven door, please!” She jumped realizing the task she was supposed to be doing.

When you turned back to the counter, your eye caught his, earning a wink from him as he spoke out again. “Well, I can clearly see you’re unbelievably busy, so I will let both of you young ladies go. Happy Thanksgiving!” Your moms cheeks burned at his endearing words, your eyes rolling at his cheesiness.

“Bye Josh.” You waved as the call ended. “Gosh, he’s such a sweet boy.”

Smiling to yourself, your mom turned her back, but you couldn’t help but notice your accelerated heartbeat as you thought of him.

“Yeah, he’s alright.”

December

Staring at the gift in pure wonderment, you had no idea how he had managed to do this. A first edition Little Critter book signed by Mercer Mayer with a personal inscription to you sat in your hands.

The package had arrived on your doorstep this afternoon. Christmas Eve had rolled around in the blink of an eye. Josh’s Christmas gift to you had arrived today and he was adamant about you opening it the second you had it in your possession.

Now, you had no idea what to do. “Do you like it? If not, I can get you something else. I just thought-” cutting him off mid panic thought, you stuttered through your own words. “This is the best gift I’ve ever received in my life, Josh. Ho-how did you do this?” His pink cheeks turned a deeper shade at your praise.

“I know a guy who knows a guy. It wasn’t a big deal,” you shook your head, staring at the writing. “It’s a huge deal. I can’t thank you enough. Wow,” blinking away the tears, your bright smile glowed at him. “Okay, open yours!”

Setting his phone up to give you a better view of his present unwrapping, you thought it was utterly adorable at how excited he was to be opening a present. When he pulled the items from the box, his eyes were blown wide, observing the materials with careful hands.

Letting him take a moment to process, his head finally snapped up to see you waiting with baited breath for his response. “Do you like them?” You asked nervously. His head fell back down to the present, no words emitting from him. “I know you have a lot of art supplies, but I researched these and know they’re supposed to be fairly good. Getting them personalized might have been a bad call,” you trailed off, second guessing your decision.

His own design sat on the engraved leather front of the sketch pad. The pencils all had symbols created by him or that held inspiration for him. Paint brushes made of the best materials, wood carved handles with intricate designs.

“I don’t, I just, these are,” he was stumbling over his words, blinking in rapid succession. Trying to piece together how long you had spent researching these items, specifically for him. Picking out each piece must have been meticulous work. Tracking down his previous designs that he had created over the years to create this for him. No one had ever put thought like this into a gift for him before.

He was fairly certain no one would ever again. It was ridiculously stupid how in love with you this man was. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

December 31

The countdown was being shouted by everyone in the room apart from you. Standing in the back of the room, you had never felt so alone. Deciding that resolutions needed to be kept smaller in order for you not to feel like a failure.

In actuality, it had nothing to do with the resolution itself and everything to do with Josh.

It made zero sense how fast you had fallen for him. How well you two clicked. A connection you didn’t know was possible had been kindled between you two. Seared into the depths of your soul, making an impression you would never be able to carve out.

You knew how you felt about him and how he felt about you. That’s why standing by yourself on New Year’s Eve was such a punch to the gut. Knowing you had met the love of your life, but not being able to be with him was torture.

Ten, nine, eight

A shaky exhale of breath escaped your inflated lungs. Burning with an acidity you despised.

Seven, six, five

Not wanting to watch the countdown any longer, your eyes fell down to the floor.

Four, three

An arm wrapped around your waist, spinning you around into their embrace.

Two, one, Happy New Year!

Lips you knew like the back of your hand collided into yours. Streamers, confetti, shouting took up the space around you, but it was like being in your own world. Like it was just the two of you.

“Happy New Year, stardust.” Your glossy eyes held his gaze. “What’re you doing here?” Your voice was weak and strained, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. “Like I would miss your favorite holiday? Come on, you know me better than that!”

Crushing yourself to him, you uttered a small thank you, but he laughed. “I actually just didn’t want to have to kiss Danny again tonight.” A wet laugh bubbled up as you wiped at your eyes. “Ah come on, give him more credit then that.”

Shrugging, you stared at the man across from you and realized in that instant that you had in fact met someone special almost an exact year ago. Completing a resolution only two days into the New Year had to be a record. “I love you.” Josh nodded, a big Cheshire grin pulling his face taught.

“Oh, I know. You don’t act out a Star Wars fantasy with just anyone.” You were ready to face a lifetime of these types of statements. As long as they were coming from him, you didn’t care.

#ficthots #josh kiszka #joshua kiszka #greta van fleet #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet fan fiction #josh kiszka fanfiction #josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet imagine #josh kiszka smut #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka x you #josh kiszka x y/n #josh kiszka x reader smut #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner

377 notes · View notes