#Can’t use the bathroom without interviewing myself in the mirror and whispering for hours on end | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piecksz · 3 years

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starstruck | (m)

pairings: rockstar!eren yeager x fem!reader

warnings: nsfw, penetrative sex, fingering, creampie, roughness, drug use, explicit language

words: 4.4k+

summary: you and your friend decide to sneak backstage at your band’s favorite concert and the vip treatment you recieve is more than you bargained for.

inspired by

a/n: you know the drill :p obey (with YUNGBLUD) by bring me the horizon it’s literally not a sexy song so don’t go in listening to it expectin to get horny LMAOO it’s just the kind of sound i imagined eren’s band to have, but it was sexy to me bc the image of rockstar eren tormented me the entire time i wrote this

“I can’t believe I agreed to this. This is fucking crazy.” Your friend’s voice was a fidgety whisper behind you. Her face’s close proximity to the back of your neck had her heavy expiration fanning over your nape every time she opened her mouth to reprimand herself for allowing you to beguile her into illegal trespassing.

“You’re fucking crazy,” she whispered again, tugging the leather sleeve of your jacket with a pesky grip.

You shrugged her touch off of your arm and took a brief glimpse over your shoulder to offer her a sour look. “Can you be quiet? You freaking out is making us look suspicious.” You whisked your head back around, peering around the corner of the vacant merch tent.

“No, us creeping around to sneak onto a fucking tour bus is making us look suspicious,” she retorted.

The corner of your mouth tightened at your friend’s concern and you lifted your hand to give her a dismissive wave. You were astounded when she had originally agreed to your brazen proposal, although it took minutes of incessant pleading for her to actually give in. Her veiled reluctance surfaced the minute you two had separated from the concert’s crowd at the end of the show and snuck around the stage to the back of the venue. What began as her unease and quiet suggestions that maybe your idea wasn’t so smart, intensified into irritating nagging. You gave her the option to turn around and wait for you back at the car, but as your companion, she sighed and remarked that something so stupid couldn’t be done alone.

“I see it,” you said eagerly and with a proud grin. The vehicle was stationed a decent distance from where the two of you had been standing, but you measured the stretch with your eyes and figured that if you walked quickly enough, you’d be able to make it on without being caught.

“How do we even know they’re on it?” Your friend craned her head past yours to get a better view of what you saw.

“We don’t. I’m just guessing.”

“Oh great, that’s exactly the answer I wanted.” She released a tense and quiet laugh before retreating back behind the screen of the tent.

You surveyed the security guards as they patrolled back and forth along the premises, waiting until the coast was clear. Once you noticed an opening, you forcefully grabbed your friend’s wrist, ignoring her silent grunt of protest, and pulled her along. She stumbled into your stride and peered over at you, doing her best to follow your quick feet while mirroring your nonchalant guise.

Closer and closer, the two of you neared the tour bus until it had to have been only yards away. You tried to remain composed through your excitement, making sure you didn’t break your character. No fucking way your plan had actually gone off without a hitch, it almost seemed too easy.

“Hey!”

You kept walking. Maybe the exclamation wasn’t for you, but once the holler was thrown again, your body went rigid, and the tempo of your steps slowed until you stopped in your tracks. The adrenaline that commanded your legs had been substituted for lead and it kept your feet pinned to the ground. You couldn’t even run.

“Hey, you two aren’t supposed to be back here.”

You blinked once, long and hard, before pivoting on your heel. You watched, mortified, as a burly security guard started in your direction and got closer until he loomed over you both with a threatening advantage in height.

He looked even angrier now that you could see the way his thick eyebrows creased together and created a ripple of lines above them that disappeared into a bald head. His hefty arms were crossed against his chest while he glowered down at you two, waiting to hear a story. You could tell your excuse wouldn’t matter though, it was obvious he wasn’t in the mood for jocular conversation.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, we were looking for the bathroom,” you explained, clasping your hands together and feigning an apologetic smile. You turned your head from side to side, looking around innocently to sell your lie, and then looked back up at the guard with a nervous laugh. “And I guess it’s not here.”

Your friend shook her head and said nothing, but you were certain she was drawing up a creative speech in her head, wondering how she would tell you that she “told you so” this time.

“Nice try.” The guard curled his lip angrily. “Come on.” He reached out a thick hand and wrapped it around your bicep while grabbing the back of your friend’s shirt with a crude yank. Your eyes went wide at his hostile grip and you jerked your arm, trying to free yourself of his hold.

“Hey, whoa!” His grip only tightened. “We can walk ourselves!”

The guard forced you two forward, prompting you to walk so he could escort you off the grounds.

“What’s going on?”

You looked up and your writhing ceased. Instead, heat flushed your cheeks and you stood dazed. It didn’t take long before you recognized the owner of the voice because, naturally, you would have been able to recognize him from a mile away, but luckily you didn’t have to. He was right in front of you.

It was Eren, the lead singer and guitarist of the band you had been screaming your heart out to not even an hour ago. He was your favorite member, meaning you’d watched countless interviews and had several pictures of him saved on your phone, but nothing could have prepared you for what he looked like up close. His long brown hair looked like it was still damp with sweat, a sign of his showmanship on stage, and it framed his face in careless wisps and fell loosely past his shoulders. His torso was unclad, showing the dark inkings that adorned his biceps and stretched all the way up his shoulders until they met at the detailed design of wings in the middle of his chest. Dark ripped jeans sat loosely, just below his hips, and teased a peek at deep v-lines that ran underneath the top of his waistband.

You fought off the urge to drop to your knees and pray for how sinfully hot he looked.

Trailing behind him were his bandmates, Armin and Jean, the band’s other guitarists, and Connie, the band’s drummer. You had never seen such an attractive circle of friends where you would have been satisfied taking any of them, and although you avowed to your friend that Connie was hers since she favored him, you absolutely would’ve allowed him to do whatever he wanted to you.

“Caught these two trying to sneak onto the tour bus.” The security guard thrusted you two ahead with an unsatisfied huff, and you shot him a glare.

Eren’s attention dropped from the security guard’s face and drifted over to your friend first before settling on you, eyes sweeping over your face and falling at half-mast. He arched an eyebrow then averted his gaze from your chest.

“It’s cool, let them go.”

“Are you sure?” The security guard’s grip on you loosened, and you pulled out of his hold the minute you felt him unhand you.

Eren shrugged. “Yeah. They can hang.” He quickly dismissed the security guard and casually sauntered past you before disappearing onto their bus.

You glanced over at your friend who looked like she was still in the process of trying to grasp the situation evolving in front of her.

“What kind of assholes turn away fans?” Jean teased, giving you a warm smile before he lifted his half-empty water bottle to his lips.

Connie switched his drum sticks to one hand and slipped them behind his back into his pocket. “You guys are fans, right? You’re not trying to steal a couple of used water bottles to sell online are you?”

You took a lengthy pause and waited for your friend to answer, giving her an opportunity to converse with him, but she said nothing. She just rocked back and forth on her feet, staring at the ground timidly to avoid looking Connie in the eye.

“No,” you answered for her. “I mean yes, we’re fans. Big fans. No to trying to sell your DNA.”

Your response earned a chuckle from Armin and a hearty laugh from Connie while he nodded in approval. “Alright.” He tilted his head in the direction of the bus as though encouraging you two on.

You watched as the rest of the members filed inside, and then your friend seized your hand frantically.

“Holy shit. Y/N, holy shit!” She squealed, and you snorted at her sudden ability to talk once again. “You saw him right? You saw him.” It didn’t take much detail for you to gather that she was gushing about Connie.

“Did you even see him? Your head was down the whole time, you didn’t say a single word to him.”

Your friend’s animated face slackened into a placid expression. “I didn’t trust myself. If I opened my mouth I would have asked him to put me in a headlock.” She exhaled. “Jesus Christ, those arms.” Your goading smile stretched into an amused grin, and you shook your head at your friend’s hysterical behavior.

The inside of the tour bus was much larger than you would have deduced from its seemingly modest exterior. Its floors were dark and polished wood that matched the ceiling, both surfaces lined with subdued yellow light. Aside from the sizable kitchen to your right, large leather couches sat on either side of the lounge area, and stretching to the bus’ rear were dimly lit bunk beds that were half-obscured by a dark curtain.

“Holy shit, this is a house on wheels,” your friend breathed, mouth agape.

“Well we’re on the road most of the time, so it might as well be,” Armin answered, throwing himself into one of the sofas with a labored sigh. He threw his head back in exhaustion and brought his arms up to rest against the top of the couch. “We never caught your names by the way.”

Both you and your friend introduced yourselves, forgoing a proper introduction from the band’s members. You evidently already knew who they were.

Armin smiled. “Nice to meet you guys.”

Jean shuffled through, handing you and your friend a water bottle, which you accepted with much appreciation. You hadn’t taken heed of how thirsty you’d been, and you hadn’t had anything to drink since the concert had started. Even while you swooned in the crowd between sweaty bodies, dehydration threatening to ruin your fun, you’d refused to pay $4 for a beverage.

“Make yourselves at home.” He threw another bottle to Armin.

“Oh no, we’re not planning on staying that long.” Your friend laughed, clutching onto her drink so tightly that the plastic squeaked in her grip.

You nudged her in the ribs with an assertive elbow and said her name quietly through clenched teeth, barely audible enough for the two of you to hear. She looked at you with uncertainty, and you gave her a forced grin.

“Don’t be rude. They said we should make ourselves at home.” You obliged to Jean’s invite, taking a seat in one of the leather cushions.

The situation you were in was a rare opportunity, the type of opportunity you’d only heard from other people, the type of opportunity you’d read fanfiction about in your early adolescence. If anyone told you that you’d be living such an opportunity, you weren’t sure if you’d really believe them, but had you declined to appease your friend’s irrational concern, you knew you’d regret it for years.

“Did you guys enjoy the show?” Connie leaned against the wall of the bus and wedged a rolled stick of paper between his pursed lips. He brought a hand-held lighter to the end of the stick, sparking it a few times with his thumb before a small flame engulfed the thin paper and thick smoke billowed from its tip. It only took a moment before the pungent, herbal stench of marijuana invaded the inside of the tour bus.

“Of course, you guys are amazing.” You nodded, perching yourself up in your seat and clapping your hands together excitedly. “We’ve been trying to see you guys in concert for a long time now.”

Eren fell into the seat beside you, and your body tensed up almost instantly. You’d managed to feign calmness from your first encounter because it had been easy to masquerade your nervousness from a distance, but now that he was even closer, surely he could have heard your heart palpitating against your ribcage. Its beating grew even quicker once Eren sat back and slid his arm behind you to lay it atop the backrest.

“Yeah?” His voice was languid. “What’s your favorite song?”

“That’s a hard question,” you chuckled, suddenly becoming very interested in the sleeves of your jacket. “I seriously don’t know if I can pick just one.” It hadn’t been a hard question at all, but you simply couldn’t think through the smell of his faded cologne and the feeling of his naked chest up against the side of your arm.

“That’s cool,” Eren smiled, but responded plainly. “You smoke?”

Your eyes drifted up to see Eren offering you a partially-burnt joint in between two fingers. He inhaled deeply from his hit and exhaled, a thick white cloud rolling past his lips.

You hadn’t smoked before, and you weren’t an avid consumer of weed. One edible at a party had you manic until your friends had to calm you down in a separate room and reassure you that you weren’t dying, but you still accepted it hesitantly. You brought it to your lips and took a deep draw before erupting into a fit of coughs.

“Easy,” Eren laughed, and his warm hand rubbed the nape of your neck soothingly. He took the joint from your hands and held it towards Armin.

Your chest and throat heaved with the searing sensation of a foreign substance, and your body racked with an incessant wheeze until it was sure it had expelled all of the stuff. Eren beside you thought it was the funniest thing.

“So you guys in college?” Connie asked, this time directing his question to your friend since you clearly couldn’t respond.

She nodded quickly, still avoiding making eye contact with him. He must have noticed and thought it was endearing because the corner of his mouth quirked upward into a knowing smirk.

“Sick,” Eren remarked. “I dropped out of college, but you guys should stay in school, seriously.”

“Don’t worry I have no plans to drop out and become a musician,” you rasped once your coughing subsided.

He paused for a moment and then looked at you. “What about a boyfriend?” His eyes drank you in from bottom to top until he met your clueless stare.

“Do I have a boyfriend?” You blinked, and then the tip of your ears went up in an uncomfortable heat that spread over the side of your face until your skin was aflame with realization. “No.”

“That’s good.” Eren studied you from behind heavy lids and he lingered on your lips, his own spreading into a suggestive grin. “So it’s cool if I do this?”

He leaned in and affixed his lips at the curve of where your jaw met your ear. His mouth was hot and the kiss was wet against your feverish skin. He planted another one lower, against the hollow dip where your neck curved, and then he bent the arm resting behind your head, using his hand to turn your face toward him so that when he tilted himself forward again, he could kiss you without interference. His lips were soft and slow as they commanded your mouth to follow his rhythm, and you withheld a desperate and excited whimper once Eren slipped a seductive tongue past your teeth.

He relaxed another hand on your leg, rubbing slow circles into the top of your thigh while edging closer and closer to the top of your waistband. Once his leisure fingers skimmed over your pants’ button, he skillfully undid the first hole before moving on to your zipper. You made a small sound of protest and pulled back in embarrassment.

“In front of your bandmates?” you questioned in a breathy whisper.

Eren shrugged, looking unfazed. “They don’t care. Nothing they haven’t seen before.”

Your heart twisted painfully in your chest. He was a goddamn celebrity for crying out loud, had you really thought you were the first girl he brought onto the bus to fuck? And he’d done it in front of his bandmates? You shifted uncomfortably, looking to Armin, Jean, and Connie who were now occupied with showing your friend pictures they’d been sent from professional photographers after past shows.

“I don’t know,” you admitted timidly.

Eren rolled his head to the side, visibly bothered by your response. He glanced over to his bandmates and swept through his locks with a lazy hand. “Hey, why don’t you guys go show her the stage set before they pack up?”

Your friend looked away from the laptop they were gathered around and over her shoulder. “But—.”

Eren’s fingers trailed up and down the side of your neck, clearly eager to resume your previous matters. Were you really about to pass up this chance?

You gave your friend a reassuring thumbs up alongside Eren’s suggestion. “I’ll come find you later.”

It almost seemed like Eren sent his bandmates an unspoken cue, because Connie quickly chimed in before your friend had another turn to object. “Yeah. It’s okay, we’ll take care of you.” He wrapped a tattooed arm around your friend’s shoulder and gave her a friendly shake.

You could almost see the rise and fall of her chest cease, and you actually grew worried for her. It looked like she had nearly died and came back to life, but her stunned face melted into a flustered smile and she laughed sheepishly. “Okay.”

Connie nodded and gave Eren a two finger salute before escorting your friend off the bus with Jean and Armin following closely behind.

Once the door to the bus closed Eren shifted his attention back to you.

“There. Problem solved.” His green eyes had darkened and clouded over with desire again. “You feel better?”

“I guess,” you murmured.

You didn’t get a second chance to speak because Eren’s lips coupled to yours once more, and his hands continued against your zipper before he slipped his fingers into your underwear. He brought two fingers to your slit, skimming lightly over the delicate skin before sliding his middle finger between your folds to part them.

You released a sharp gasp against Eren’s mouth as you felt the cold metal of his rings against your cunt, but he made no efforts to pull away. The earthy taste of marijuana on his tongue caused your head to swim and you began to feel the drug’s intoxicant effects yourself. Your limbs grew heavier as you lay slack against Eren’s body while the sensation of his soft strokes against your tender clit had you whimpering against his lips.

He dipped his finger down to your body’s orifice, sliding it into your hole to glaze the digit with your arousal.

“God, you’re so tight.” Eren’s voice was deep as he pulled away from your mouth and both of you looked down to watch the way he worked you. “I want you around my cock.”

Your hips jerked involuntarily against his hand with the mention of his desire, and he brought his touch back up to your clit, using your essence as lubrication. The bus was quiet except for the symphony of Eren’s husky pants and your lewd whines as he slowly quickened the pace when he felt your body begin to tremble against his.

“Fuck, Eren—,” you mewled. You hadn’t even given thought to how unusual his name sounded coming out of your mouth. Eren, the singer and lead guitarist of your favorite band had his fingers inside of your pants, and here you were moaning his name. “Oh fuck—.”

Your orgasm intensified quickly after its onset, you hadn’t even realized you were climaxing until your body was convulsing and your fingers were digging into Eren’s biceps.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—Eren—,” you cried.

“That’s it,” Eren cooed. “Atta girl.”

His fingers continued working against your clit until you wrapped a sweaty hand around his wrist, a silent plea for him to stop before he sent you into overstimulation.

He hummed in amusement and heeded your request before pulling his hands out of your underwear. Now he worked his hands against his own belt, unfastening the buckle before pushing his jeans down with his briefs in one swift and eager motion. His cock was half-hard and continued growing rigid after he took himself in his hand and began pumping his throbbing length.

You watched in wonderment as his palm worked painfully slow against his thick shaft, and pearls of precum gathered at his tip before dribbling down his swollen head. Your own dirty fantasies where you’d tried to envision how big Eren was hardly did him justice.

You rose to your feet, kicking off your shoes with haste, and stepped out of your pants. You shrugged off your jacket as well, realizing how uncomfortably sticky your sweaty arms felt against the leather material.

“Come here,” Eren hummed, and released his cock. He held his hands out for you to take, and he pulled you onto his lap. He supported your waist until your knees were mounted on either side of his thighs, and you pulled your underwear to the side, allowing his pulsating tip to prod your entrance.

“You gonna show me how well you ride?” he asked, thumbs rubbing circles into your hips.

You nodded, resting your hands on his shoulders and undulating your wet folds against his cock. You released a desperate whimper every time he nudged your clit.

“Yeah? Show me.”

Eren watched as you slipped him in, and what started as a whine deepened into an obscene cry while you felt him stretch your walls out. You eased down until you sat at the base of his cock and he’d filled you to the hilt.

You dug your teeth into your lower lip, waiting to adjust to his girth before you slowly started moving up and down. Eren’s shallow breathing encouraged you while you lifted yourself up and then back down, each time releasing an agonizing sob.

“Good girl.” Eren’s large hands traveled up from your waist and rested on your chest. “Just like that.” He loosely cupped his hands over your clothed chest, adoring the way your quickening pace caused your breasts began to jounce underneath your shirt, but your ache to feel his touch everywhere along your skin became uncontrollable.

Your fingers curled around the hem of your top and you quickly slipped the material off, tossing it onto the couch beside you. You did the same with your bra, too impatient to fumble around with the pesky hooks.

Eren grinned lazily, before resting his palms against your breasts and giving them a small jiggle. He leaned forward, lolling his tongue out, and flicked its tip against the hardening bead of your nipple. He looked up at you with half-lidded eyes and smiled at the way you murmured his name before rolling his thumb over the wet skin.

“So fucking hot,” Eren praised. He gave your other breast a brisk slap, watching it shake with the impact, and then he took you in his mouth. He sucked hungrily before taking your nipple between his teeth and tugged on it.

You continued bouncing on Eren’s cock before he released a guttural groan and threw his head back. “Fuck, don’t stop.” The tattoos along his sweaty chest expanded with each uneven breath. “I’m gonna cum.”

Eren’s hands traveled down to your ass, and black-painted nails dug into your skin while he directed you up and down. You rolled your hips against him until you felt his cock jerk inside you, and then he was filling you up.

Eren unloaded himself into you and your walls fluttered around his quivering length. His balls spasmed, making sure he’d jettisoned every drop of thick, white cum. He pulled his cock out before your knees gave way and you collapsed next to him. Your pussy clenched around nothing, still adjusting to Eren’s absence, and you felt his release leak out of your hole.

You heaved, eyes strung tightly, while you desperately tried to catch your breath. You had to have been dreaming. You kept your eyes closed, fearing that you’d wake, but they fluttered open instinctively when you felt Eren’s weight lift from beside you.

“Where are you going?” You watched as he tugged his pants up and fastened his buckle before shuffling around the bus looking for something. Jesus Christ, just how much stamina did this guy have?

“Your friend’s probably wondering what’s taking you so long,” Eren replied, disappearing behind the curtain leading to the bedroom in the back of the bus.

Your hand flew to your forehead and you sat up, feeling guilty that you had completely forgotten your friend. Knowing her, she was probably worrying herself sick wondering what Eren had possibly done to you. You started retrieving your clothes and getting dressed, but you paused momentarily, calling out to wherever Eren had been on the bus.

“I should give you my number.” You stuck a leg into your pants. “You know, just to keep in touch.” You stuck your other leg in and hopped around, pulling your pants up.

Eren reappeared from behind the curtain, tugging on a fitted black t-shirt. “Don’t worry about that.”

You popped your head out from under your shirt and reached for your jacket. You laughed lightly and gave him a confused look.

“Safety and shit. We can’t give our personal information out to just anyone.” He gave you a pitiful smile, but you could tell it was more for you than for him.

“Oh,” you responded quietly.

Eren seemed unconcerned with the guidelines he was given, as though he didn’t care much about whether he even remembered your name once they were on the road again.

“Don’t look so sad babe. You’re lucky.” He tilted his head toward you and raised his eyebrows. “Not everyone gets to fuck a rockstar.”

#eren smut #eren yeager smut #aot smut #attack on titan smut #eren yeager x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #aot au #eren yaeger smut #attack on titan au #eren yeager au

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otptings · 3 years

Text

Attention

Idol; Johnny

Genre; Fluff, Smut

Warnings; implied switch!Johnny, mentions of edging, shower sex, fingering, unprotected sex

Synopsis; It's hard getting enough time to be intimate together while living with 8 other men, but there's always a work around.

Despite what others may think, it is easy to get Johnny worked up.

Ridiculously easy.

Run fingers through his hair, give it a pull and he'll be a moaning mess. Kissing his jaw, or the spot right behind his ear will cause him to let out a whine. Placing my finger's lightly on his neck before giving it a squeeze makes him cum untouched.

I like to have fun with him. Running my fingers down his chest, pinching one of his nipples. All while jerking him off at an incredibly slow pace, bringing tears to his eyes as he can't get enough. Teasing him until he gets mad and pins me against the nearest surface. Mirrors, walls, desks. All are free game.

It's been hard to get time to ourselves recently. A new album goes hand in hand with a comeback. Hours of practice for to learn new choreography, photo shoots for magazines which last hours with all 10 of us being photographed. Hours worth of interviews, together and individually, YouTube videos and Vlives for fans to keep them entertained. Don't even get me started on performances, hours spent getting out hair and makeup done, waiting so that we can perform, taking multiple takes if the first isn't good enough.

It's insanely busy work, that I love with all of my heart. I love my boys, but sometimes I just one on one time with Johnny. Weeks without being touched, nothing more than a kiss or a grope every now and again. Having to keep skinship to a minimum due to the cameras constantly on us.

Moments like these are hard on both of us, not being able to be intimate together. Simples touches are never enough. This can be solved however, with one text. A text that I love because it gets Johnny worked up. The perfect teasing text even though we know how it'll end up.

Shower?🚿

I heard Johnny's phone ping from where he was, on the opposite couch from me. Glancing up I saw a blush spreading across his cheeks, could see him swallow as he looked around at the other boys. Checking to see if they noticed. They never do. Too busy watching Mark and Haechan argue playfully over something meaningless. No eyes were on Johnny, comfortably seated between Jaehyun, and Taeil.

I know all of Johnny's tells. The way his legs that are slightly spreading still leaving space for the others on the couch start to close a little bit, his hand moving down to cover his crotch. The glance he takes, before looking back at his phone. Clearly thinking of a response.

I didn't bother waiting for his reply, just headed to my room to get some clean clothes. Whether he joined or not I would enjoy my shower. Walking into the bathroom I made sure to turn on my speaker, letting music flow throughout the bathroom.

Stripping out of my clothes I tossed them in the hamper, before finally stepping into the shower and releasing a sigh. The warm water running over my skin, soothing my aching joints from dance practice. Soaking my hair I grabbed the shampoo, starting to wash my hair when I heard the click of the door locking. Johnny didn't speak as he stripped and got into the shower behind me.

I felt him push my hands away, and start washing my hair for me. Detangling it as he went before rinsing the shampoo out. Turning back around I looked up at Johnny admiring him. His hair wet and pushed back, his face still flushed from my teasing.

"Hi baby." I watched a smile spread across his lips, his arms going around my waist pulling me to his chest.

"Hi baby girl." Leaning down Johnny connected our lips. It's been weeks since I've had Johnny like this.

All for me, not having to share him with fans, or the other members that like his attention. Just me, all of his attention solely on me. It felt too good to be true sometimes.

Our lips moved in sync as his hands slid down my body. Stopping at my ass he gave it squeeze, causing me to let out a moan that was eaten by our kiss. His hands rubbed up and down my body, teasing me. I pulled away from the kiss and poked my lips out.

"Please touch me." Johnny let out a chuckle as he turned me around still keeping me close. He pushed my hair out of the way before placing sloppy kisses on my neck, sucking a hickey at the base.

"You're greedy, you want me to touch you more huh?" I nodded my head, getting my wishes answered as his hands went to my breasts, playing with them gently before pinching my nipples causing me to let out a squeak.

One hand continued to fondle with my breasts as his other trailed down my body, causing goosebumps in it's wake despite the warm water. His fingers met my clit, rubbing teasing circles.

"Stop t-teasing p-p-please... I need you." Johnny listened to me and slipped his hand further down, sliding a finger into my hole. I threw my head back against his chest, a sigh leaving my mouth. After weeks of having to touch myself I got the sensation that I was craving for so deeply.

"You're so wet for me. You missed me?" I nodded my head not bothering to hide my moans.

"I missed you too baby girl. I need to be in you." I felt him grind his erection against my ass, causing me to whimper.

"Please."

"Please what? You got to ask clearly." He slipped another finger, massaging my walls. I felt all of my control leaving, not caring if the boys heard or knew what we were doing. I just needed to have Johnny inside of me, his fingers teasing around my g spot, ghosting over it but not fully touching it. I needed him.

"Please f-fuck me need you s-so bad." Johnny laughed, hearing my desperation. Pulling his fingers out I whimpered at the loss of sensation, even though I knew he was going to fuck me. Turning me back around Johnny hiked my leg up around his waist, his other hand holding me around my back. Grabbing his dick I slid it up and down my cunt, gathering my juices on it to help the slide. Lining it up with my cunt I pushed the tip in, allowing Johnny to finish the thrust himself.

As Johnny bottomed out he let out a groan, I whimpered at the stretch. The burn accompanying the pleasure that I got from simply being fulled.

"Are you okay baby girl?" I hand slid up to my face cupping my cheek.

"Yes please." Johnny leaned in for a kiss, before thrusting up into me. Wrapping my arms around his neck I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling it after the head of his cock rubbed over my g spot. Johnny hissed as pulled away from the kiss. Whining I pulled his mouth back towards mine. Johnny chuckled into the kiss, obliging my request.

That came as a price however when he started to thrust into me rougher, causing me to let out a load moan.

"Be careful. Don't want the boys to hear you do you?" I felt embarrassment spark through me at the thought of them hearing me over the music, and the water. Would they realize that I was that desperate? That I couldn't wait any longer, and needed Johnny in me?

I squealed as Johnny picked me up, my legs wrapping instinctively around his waist. I felt the cold tile on my back as Johnny slid back into me smoothly. Placing kisses on Johnny's neck I heard him let out a growl before fucking into me faster. His cock dragging against my walls beautifully, the head rubbing over my spot causing endless moans to fall from my mouth.

"So good for me baby. You're pussy takes me in so well." Johnny's praise only fueled the fire in me. The mixed sensations of the warm water running over us, and the cold tile against my back caused shivered to run down my body. I felt as if my whole body was electrocuted as Johnny drove deeper and deeper into me. "The way you're squeezing around me is so good. I can tell you're close cum for me."

At Johnny's word the tension inside of me finally snapped, my eyes rolled back as I orgasmed, Johnny still thrusting inside of me chasing his own. I barely heard his groan as he came, only felt his warm cum as it spurted into me. Johnny continued to hold me against the wall, ignoring the sensation of my legs shake as he laid kisses all over my face.

Johnny pulled his softening cock out, causing us to both to let out a whine at the feeling. Pulling me back under the water he grabbed the rag and helped clean the sweat and cum off of me, placing gentle kisses on my shoulders and neck.

Turning the water off, we got out of the shower Johnny lifting me up and placing me on the sink. Typically I'd do this all myself after sex but I've missed Johnny caring for me.

The way he rubbed the tower gently over my skin, making sure not to hurt me as he rubbed it over my used pussy. The way he gently detangles my hair as he dries it, making sure not to rub too harshly. The feeling of him taking care of me, as he whispers sweet words to me between drying me off.

Finally after drying, and putting on clean clothes we made our way to my room. Johnny laying on the bed first before pulling me down on top of him. Not even bothering to get under the blanket I enjoyed the sound and feel of his heart beat. Hearing his quiet breaths as his hands gently ran over my lower back, rubbing soothing circles into the exposed skin.

Moments like these, having all of Johnny's attention are always the most intimate. I'm grateful I get to experience them with the love of my life.

"Do they think we don't know what they're doing?" Haechan glanced over at Doyoung and Jaehyun who had amused looks on their faces. Seeing Johnny run off quickly after you got in the shower, and hearing the music get louder when the door opened were all obvious giveaways.

"Eh you're worst than them anyway." Jaehyun let out a laugh watching Mark's face go red, and Haechan's teasing smirk grow.

#nct 127 #nct 24th member #Johnny suh #nct 127 Johnny suh #nct 127 Johnny #nct imagine #nct oneshot #nct imagines #nct smut #Kpop smut #Kpop imagines #Kpop one shot #nct Johnny suh #nct x reader

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honeesucker · 3 years

Text

Darling, Dearest | Part 3

Pairing: Shigaraki Tomura x F!Reader (READ ALL WARNINGS)

Word count: 4,307 (Ch. 3 of a multi-chapter fic)

Part one ♡

Part two ♡

Divider designed by Firefly-Graphics ♡

‘Uhhnfhh!” My voice was hoarse from the constant screams being pulled from my throat so easily. I had since lost the ability to form coherent sentences using real words, my brain muddled from orgasms I long since lost count had resigned itself to baser sounds. My pussy was squelching so lewdly amidst the tireless ministrations of the man between my legs, which were draped over his shoulders. I was surprised my body could still produce any sort of substance after cumming so much but I was continually surprised by how the man brought out one more orgasm, pushing me over the edge again and again with each hungry stroke of the magic muscle currently devouring my sloppy, numb cunt like a starved animal. “Mmfmfhh, p-please! Stop s’too much!”

“Oh, come on now princess,” the deep rasp of a familiar voice sounded from between my legs. I peel my heavy eyelids open, sticky with tears from overstimulation as I glance down, my half-lidded gaze meeting deep carmine eyes shimmering up at me with a mischievous hunger. The soft baby blue waves framed his face unhidden by Father as he tilted his head like a curious puppy, despite his scars and rough patches of skin, he was beautiful.

So beautiful.

“P-please can’t take anymore, please don’t make me cum again,” I was a mewling mess of tears, saliva and heavy sobs wracking my whole body with trembling shakes but it only made Shigaraki glow and smirk, “Tomu p-please, n’more” I slurred as my eyelids fell shut.

“Okay my princess,” Shigaraki whispered, clambering up the length of my body to meet me in a sweet kiss. My eyes still shut but I felt him lean down and nuzzle against my neck gently, applying a soft peppering of kisses along the column of my neck and along my jaw, making me giggle. “I’ll give you some time to rest before the real fun starts,” I sighed contentedly while allowing the feeling of exhaustion to take over my body for a short rest, the elation of finally receiving a reprieve from Shigaraki’s insatiable needs halted by the feeling of my pussy being stretched wider than ever before, my body began to shake in the motions of being fucked at a brutal pace but when my eyes shot open Shigaraki was gone, and the soft pink dream world we shared was starting to bleed into deep hues of blackened blue. It felt like I had been holding my breath underwater for longer than I could, and wasn’t near the surface yet until finally I broke through with a sobbing gasp.

My eyes met almost total darkness aside from the dim glow of a gaming menu left to repeat on the screen of the wall mounted TV. The frantic thumping of my heart took over as mind tried to gather its bearings from being ripped out of a peaceful dream into reality in such a harsh way. I heard huffing and felt wet droplets fall onto my face. Blinking away the sleep in my eyes I watched in horror as Shigaraki, the real Shigaraki, was leaning over me while droplets of saliva from his tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth fell onto my face again. His cock was spearing in and out of me without abandon or care for my comfort, feeling like I was being torn apart. I tried to scream but found that there was a wadded-up piece of fabric shoved in my mouth, and secured with a silken gag tied around my head which only allowed a muffled cry to break through the sounds of Shigaraki’s labored breathing. His eyes finally snapped down to my awakening form with a wide smile.

“You did say you’d do anything, right Y/N?” Shigaraki mimicked the way I pleaded with him earlier, the embarrassment of being made fun of heating up my cheeks to a fiery pink. “Why don’t you keep being such a good, compliant cock-sleeve for me hm?” I tried to thrash my body but found that my wrists and ankles were bound to the bed and unable to move beyond an inch. The relentless slap of heavy balls against my ass added a strange sensation that sparked a fire straight into my core while the thrusts of the villain above me began to quicken and stutter before a few final pushes that had the head of his cock slamming up against my cervix over and over, sending full-body jolts throughout my nervous system that had the coil of an impending orgasm ready to snap.

“Come on little cock-sleeve, why don’t you cum for me? I feel you squeezing my cock, ready to milk me for all I have,” Shigaraki was laughing like a maniac above me as he finally let out a loud groan while he pinned his hips against mine, anchoring his cock as deep inside of me as it would go as it shot ropes of hot white cum against my womb, and the coil snapped as he was filling me up. My walls were clamping down around his cock, spasming and sucking him in deeper as my body thrashed against the bindings, my blood felt electric as I cried and drooled against my gag. Shigaraki fell fully on top of me, skin slick with sweat causing us to stick together like half-dried glue. He kept his cock seated fully in my cunt as he caught his breath, and once he did, he slowly pulled his length out of me simultaneously pulling a whimper from my throat with it as the ridges and veins caught every sensitive part inside of my abused hole on the way out.

“You’re turning out to be more useful than I initially thought,” Shigaraki mused, more to himself out loud than to me. I was left shaking, sweaty and full of warm, sticky cum that was leaking out of my pussy and onto the mattress. Fat rolls of tears were still spilling from my eyes and down the sides of my face as I lay back on the pillow, my limbs ached and I wanted to badly to curl in on myself but my wrists and ankles were still tied to the bed without much give. “I have to go and meet someone about some prospective members for the League, you be a good toy and stay put,” and with that he was gone.

I wasn’t certain how long it had been since Shigaraki left. Ten minutes or two hours felt the same when my mind remained a hazy mess of pain and disgust at myself that I came on the cock that fucked me awake. I was in such a tormented state of mind that I didn’t realize that my quirk had activated and was working itself on my body, I didn’t take notice when the blue tendrils of energy healed the raw skin around my wrists and ankles where the ties dug in... didn’t realize I was pulling my knees to my chest and tucking arms against my stomach in as tight of a ball as I could get after the energy worked itself away at the material keeping me hostage.

I fell asleep sobbing.

I woke up in a muddled haze of pain and confusion. My body ached like I’d been in the same position for days, and I stretched out and welcomed the sting that came with using the dormant muscles. I sat up and realized I was back in the room that had become ‘mine’ the one I initially woke up in when this whole mess started. I stretched and twisted my body until the ache dulled to a comfortable degree, and walked into the bathroom to shower; well-deserved as my skin felt filthy, sticky and wet with sweat. I turned the shower on and let the steam fill up the entire bathroom before stripping and stepping under the burning spray. I showered until the hot water turned tepid after over an hour of scrubbing, sudsing, conditioning and exfoliating every inch of my body – something in my head telling me to scrub. Scrub until it was gone.

Until what was gone?

I stepped out of the glass door and into the steamy room, enjoying the way the air quick-cooled my skin and left me feeling more refreshed than I had in a while since my arrival here. I was watching myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth.

“You said you’d do anything, right Y/N?” Shigaraki’s voice came through the haze of my mind like a wasp sting to the psyche. I spit out my toothbrush and gagged on the memory, slipping to the floor as the night of horror came back to the forefront of my mind, something my restful state tried to protect me from but wasn’t strong enough to overtake.

I swallowed the thick memory back down while resigning myself to the reality of what happened.

I did say I’d do anything, didn’t I?

Fucking coward.

After a glacial-paced week of sitting and watching Kurogiri take care of the bar with Shigaraki always watching some lesser-known Pro Hero on the TV complete an interview for the most recent villain attack that they thwarted, muttering to himself about the hypocrisy of it all. “Government mandated violence all in the name of the Greater Good... y’ugh,” he’d murmur angrily as his nail dug harshly into the column of his throat where new wounds and old scars comingled. With a sigh I’d stand up and walk over to where Shigaraki was sat, ruby eyes glued to the TV in silent rage as I slowly cupped his large, slender hands in my own as I pulled them down, replacing the scratch of his nails with the soft palms of my hands allowing the liquid glow of my quirk to cool and heal the raw wounds. He was resistant to me touching him in this way at first but it soon became a softened reluctance over an outright disgust.

Sometimes I almost felt him sigh and soften into my touch; and if I caught him on a particularly good day he would let me rub a moisturizing ointment on his neck, around his lips and eyes, and the scarred ridges of his forehead he seemed especially tender about. I’d always thank him for letting me into his personal space without killing me. The sarcastic quip always got me a slight tug at the corner of his lips, not a full smile but close enough in my book.

Being a reluctant (see compelled) member of the Leage of Villains as the go-to feel good girl wasn’t as awful as the first few weeks that compiled a list of horrors I was never exposed to in my day-to-day civilian life. I had a coming-to-self moment with all that had happened and recognized the pedestal I set my standards on didn’t apply here, not when I was doing whatever it took to survive each day as it came... be it an uppity thug with a colt .45 placed between my eyes (he was dusted before he thought about pulling the trigger) or Shigaraki and his hellishly huge cock - I’d take it on. I had to, had to mold myself to this uncertain lifestyle.

The pain was starting to morph into something I derived a sick amount of pleasure from, body numb from overstimulation and pussy filled and leaking on an almost nightly basis whether back at the bar in Shigaraki’s room, or out somewhere in a filthy backway alley because his temper got out of control and he needed something grounding to reestablish his dominance over – and of course I wouldn’t let Shigaraki come an inch on to knowing I was getting more enjoyment than what reactions he forced from me with his brutal ministrations.

I was walking shortly behind Shigaraki along the dimly lit street coming back from one of the many meetings with Giran that Shigaraki has been attending, hearing promises of new blood to come for the League of Villains – Giran was set to bring a few new bodies to the bar next week after a failed rendezvous earlier the previous week with Stain, the Hero Killer, hadn’t panned out the way Shigaraki had hoped it would; though he was completely unfazed by the failing of Stain’s recruitment and just moved on to bigger plans that included destroying him instead along the way. It was a miraculous turnaround after the failed recruitment of Stain and a meeting Shigaraki had mentioned with a student that was ‘surprisingly insightful’ - I wasn’t sure what it meant then but Shigaraki had slowly began to morph into a true leader of the League as opposed to the childish brat with an anger problem and disposable resources. He was still angry, still had all he could want short of the collapse of Hero Society at his fingertips... but his demeanor and reactions to certain things shifted and I admired the change in him.

I was pulled from my mindless day dreaming by someone quite literally pulling on me and shoving me hard against a wall behind a convenience store Shigaraki and I had been walking past, though his long legs had meant he was further ahead of me when I was grabbed. A meaty hand that smelt like cigarettes and filth was clamped over my mouth and I looked up to see the stocky form of some no-life thug in a grey wifebeater and jeans looking at me with blown pupils and a sick grin of uneven black and yellowed teeth. There was an indistinguishable press of a dulled knife in my stomach, not quite puncturing into me yet but I felt the tiniest amount of blood trickling down to my navel from the initial push. I glowered at the hunk of fat and ill-intent pinning me to the wall, struggling against the grip that while shaky, was still strong enough to overpower me. I had just gotten one of my legs loose from where his own were pinning them just enough to give a good kick straight up into his family jewels but just as my boot was meant to contact balls his body crumbled and disintegrated to comingle with the other debris and filth of the alleyway where he truly belonged.

“Fuc-” I was cut off by Shigaraki’s annoyed expression, shaking his hand slightly as it dusting it off.

“You’re an incessant magnet for scum,” he growled, yanking me from my shocked position still on the wall and out back onto the sidewalk toward the bar. He had an iron-tight four fingered grip on my wrist that I knew was going to leave an angry looking mark once he let me go. With his pace set to a brutal haste, we were back inside the bar in no time. Walking quickly past Kurogiri who gave us a questioning look but didn’t push Shigaraki any further, knowing the man was furious and on a mission. We rounded a corner and down a hall to where I knew Shigaraki’s room was, and he opened the door and threw me inside, shutting it behind him and leaning against it with his slender arms crossed tightly across his chest, his gleaming red eyes glaring daggers down at me where I fell on his mattress, his right hand came up to his neck and scratched at it relentlessly, picking at the tender skin and causing pearls of blood to show.

“May I ask what the hell this is?” I motioned to my bruised wrist and outwardly to the room around us in general. Shigaraki was taking in sharp, deep breaths like he was trying to calm himself down.

“Shut up,” is all he growled out.

“W-” I started and then decided to clamp my mouth shut, thinking better against speaking up like my need for the last word is fighting me to do. I just give a small nod and fold my hands in my lap, waiting; and I wasn’t kept waiting long before slender, pale fingers reached out in front of me and quickly decayed my sweatshirt and the joggers of Shigaraki’s I was still wearing. Knowing where this was going to head, I quickly kicked off the boots I was still wearing and waited, almost afraid to breathe as Shigaraki’s fingertips ghosted over the contours of my body, stopping to press a red mark into an especially soft spot with a pleased hum. He finally decided upon utilizing both his hands pointer finger and thumb to tug and roll my nipples harshly between his fingers with an unforgiving pressure, taking extra pleasure in the pathetic, pained mewls that left my throat when he tugged forward harshly.

“You belong to me,” he said evenly, his deadpan tone and calm demeanor scaring me more than I am during any of his previous outbursts. One hand let go of the abused nipple it was holding onto to rain down a slap that left the room echoing with a deafening silence. I bit into my bottom lip until it bled, holding back the cry as a few tears escapes my eyes. Shigaraki leaned forward and licked up along the curve of my cheek, taking my throat into his hand, leaving his middle finger up in the air as he pressed into my throat with force. “Say it,” he growled.

“Y-yours,” I choked out as best I could from the pressure on my throat, “I belong to you - I’m yours.”

“That’s right, you’re mine. Mine to do with as I please, mine to keep,” Shigaraki leant down and took a long breath in, leaning in further to place a kiss on the top of my head. “Then why do you keep letting the slums of the Earth put their hands on what’s mine? Once or twice might be a coincidence, but it’s happened what, princess, three or four times now? That’s a pattern...” Shigaraki’s tone was dangerous and my heart leapt up into my throat jack hammering like a rabbit caught beneath a wolf’s paw. “A pattern that needs to be broken,” he finishes and the tears are flowing in a silent river down my cheeks, landing on my bare chest and mixing with the remaining ash of my clothes in grey streaks.

“S-Shigaraki, I don’t... I-I can’t control what others do to me,” I whisper nearly inaudible, “I don’t ask to be touched or threatened, or – or fucking whatever!” I didn’t realize I was shaking until Shigaraki placed his hands on my shoulders careful not to lay all fingers down as always, and pressed down on them until I was laying back on the bed underneath his weight. My body was still trembling beneath the hard crimson stare of the villain above me as he slowly leant down to draw a deep breath against the skin of my shoulder, sending a shiver up the length of my spine. “P-please I don’t mean to draw their attention, I don’t want it,” I was whining weakly as he kept up his slowly ghosting over my body, drawing deep inhales of my skin and hair, tracing a long wet line with his tongue up the column of my neck and the curve of my face... the way you’d imagine a dragon would play with a sheep before it devoured the poor creature. I stopped my pleading quickly when I realized it wasn’t changing his demeanor, or my inevitable fate, of what that was I wasn’t certain, but I had one last pleading question. “W-why am I being punished for someone else’s transgressions?” I wasn’t proud of the way my voice cracked and bubbled with fear, and lost the fight to the threat of tears almost spilling over my eyes.

“You’re not,” Shigaraki breathed, ghosting his against my neck before placing sweet kisses against the skin.

“Then why-?” I was cut off by the press of his scarred lips to mine, and while it was always an odd feeling blooming in the pit of my stomach at the uncharacteristically intimate act, I allowed him to do as he pleased; and despite the side effects of his quirk affecting his skin, his lips were still warm and welcoming. Shigaraki pressed his body further against mine, lodging a knee between my thighs as he pressed the joint hard up against my pussy causing my cheeks to burn hot and pink with the embarrassment of how turned on I was by the simple action, my arousal evident in the hot pulsations of need aching where his knee pressed and rubbed just enough to frustrate me.

“Is being with me really such a punishment?” He asked, his tone even despite the personal sting the question would bring anyone asking that of themselves. He doesn’t wait for an answer though before his mouth is back on mine, slender fingers kneading harshly into the soft fat of my stomach and hips with a bruising force, dipping down to my thighs as he hiked them to curl up around his own hips. Shigaraki was rutting his clothed cock against my core, already shamefully hot and wet, soaking into the fabric of his pants as he grinded against the slick lips. He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against mine, as my lips parted with puffing breaths from the growing arousal of his grinding, wanting more friction, more anything... more of him. “Don’t you see that someone so weak like you, someone so naive and alluring to such pathetic scum needs to be kept and looked after by someone who is able to protect them?” Shigaraki was punctuating his sentences with deep grinds against my bare pussy, the rough seams of his pants bringing me a mixture of pleasure from having just enough friction, and pain from how harsh the fabric was against the sensitive bud. I just nodded, dumb from the aching between my legs. I was always a magnet for trouble, big or small, and I noticed it more and more since having first been taken that night in the alley; it’s been one shitty situation after another with someone trying to take something from me. Shigaraki seemed to sense the change in my thoughts as he decayed his own clothing in a fit of frustrated rage at what was separating our bodies. His pale cock slapped up heavy against his stomach as the fabric fell from his body. The head was red, angry with need and leaking a bead of pearly precum. As if my body decided to move on its own, I was on my hands and knees on Shigaraki’s bed and leaning forward to grab at the delicious looking cock, lavishing the head with kitten licks swirling around the tip in a mess of saliva and precum. His long fingers were tangling in my hair, gentling scratching my scalp with the main four fingers, eliciting a hum from me as I leant into his palm like a cat. His fingers found purchase tangled in my hair on the back of my head as he gripped hard and gave a hard yank that had tears brimming my eyes as Shigaraki looked down at me with a charming smile stretching his lips and his ruby eyes narrowed down at me. “Answer me, princess,” Shigaraki purred and I only nodded along quickly.

“Y-yes I need protecting,” I whimpered out when his grip tightened, pulling at the roots of my hair painfully.

“You need me,” he stated simply and I nodded fervently.

“Yes, I n-need you,” I let out a breath when Shigaraki released his Titan grip on my hair, plopping onto the bed and rubbing at the back of my head with a series of pitiful whines.

“What do you need me for, princess?” Shigaraki asked with a wicked grin on his face.

“Mmfmmph n-need you to protect me,” I managed out between the small thrusts Shigaraki made of barely his cockhead in and out of my mouth, teasing me. “Need your coc-” a hard shove had his full length sheathed down my throat as I drooled and gagged around the fleshy member. Sputtering and trying to breathe through my nose until Shigaraki used his forefinger and thumb to pinch my nostrils affectively cutting off all my air which had me struggling against him.

“That’s right,” Shigaraki stated above me, as cool and collected as ever as I thrashed and struggled for air beneath him, “you need me, my cock. I am the Master of your future, I can give you so much and take everything away,” he said giving one final thrust into my mouth after I calmed down from lack of oxygen and resignation to my fate, and pulled out letting me sputter and pull hungry breaths of air in as he looked on with a sick satisfaction etched across his soft, scarred features. I fell down on my stomach flat like a frog and just let the tears flow freely as my body shook with hiccups and fits of coughs as the ability to breathe came back to me fully.

Shigaraki leant down until he was face to face with me, his hand reaching out to cut my tear-soaked cheek as he spoke, “You’re going to make such an exceptional player two when I’m done with you.”

I resigned myself to the comfort that came as he crawled into his bed with me, wrapping his frame around mine as I still shook a bit from the sobs that wracked my chest. I fell asleep coming down from the high of fear, sinking into the comfort of no longer being used for the time being having been pushed past a limit tonight.

I felt strong, slender arms grasp my waist tighter in my sleep as I drifted off into a black, dreamless sleep.

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idy-ll-ique · 4 years

Text

This Can't Be.

Pairing: Tom Holland x F!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff (enemies to friends to lovers)

Warnings: mentions of an eating disorder, curse words lol

Requested: By anonymous

How about a Tom Holland x Reader where the reader is also famous and they fight a lot, and then a few days later she stops eating, and ends up exhausted and passes out and he goes to her house crying and apologizing, well, do it cry lol.

Summary: Y/N and Tom are in a new movie together but they don't really get along. Tom calls her a fatty, so she tries to lose weight by starving herself. After she ends up in the hospital, they make amends.

Author's Note: Hi y'all! A request after a such a long time! Also, I would like to apologize to anon if this isn't exactly what you were looking for. I still hope you like it.

---

Y/N POV:

"Tom from Marvel? Surely… surely you mean Tom Hiddleston?" I blurted out, my eyes going wide. "No, honey, Tom Holland. He's much closer to you by age, he's the perfect fit," my manager said, giving me a small smile. She knew how much I loathed that man.

"No, shut the fuck up, this can't be! It can't! You know I hate that overgrown manchild—"

"Please, Y/N. Try to understand. This movie can be your next big thing. It's offering a lot of money and they specifically requested for you. Come on, sharing one kiss with him can't be that bad," Ellie tried reasoning. "It can be that bad! I don't like him! It will be awkward! Why don't they choose Zen? She's awesome and they get along well!" I whined, covering my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"She has already done a lot of movies with him. From what I've heard, she rejected this movie and suggested your name. Come on, do it," Ellie urged tiredly. I groaned and flopped down on the bed. "Fine, I'll do it. If I end up murdering that man, try to save me," I muttered. Ellie laughed and left my room.

I curled up on the bed, my stomach turning. Just his name made bile rise up my throat and my blood boil. "Fucking Holland," I hissed under my breath. It all began on the sets of one of the movies we did together as teenagers, called Exile. The thing is, he— wait a minute.

My brows furrowed. What did he even do to me to make me hate him so much? "Come to think of it…" I mumbled, desperately trying to remember why I disliked him. "Eh, still," I huffed; even if I couldn't remember the reason, I hated him.

I got off the bed and went to the bathroom for I had an interview coming up soon.

---

Tom POV:

"Ew, Y/N? Are you fucking kidding me, mate? I can't do this movie with her," I spat, glaring at Harrison. "Why do you even hate her? She's such a sweet person," he sighed exasperatedly. "I— she just aggravates me so much! Plus, she decided to hate me first! She is never polite to me, why should I like her?" I stammered, throwing my arms up.

"Whatever. You are doing the movie and you are doing it with her. It's just one fucking kiss, dude, you'll be fine," Harrison said, rolling his eyes. I huffed and looked away when he walked out of the room. "Fucking Y/L/N," I hissed, crossing my arms.

She irked me so much. She always called me names and teased me. Except, when she teased me, she meant every word— she bullied me. I wondered if she had matured and decided to leave our childish banter behind but knowing her, I knew it was impossible. She was an overgrown child. "As if she has grown up," I laughed cruelly.

I shook my head and ridded myself from the thoughts of her, putting on my jacket. I had plans of going to the nearby bar with Harry, Haz and Sam. I wouldn't let Y/N destroy my night with the boys.

---

Y/N POV:

"Ugh, is he even coming? See, you can never expect him on time! Probably putting on his diaper or something, that takes time," I grunted, glaring at nothing on the wall in front of me. "Stop being rude, Y/N. Please, leave this old, childish and irrelevant banter and grow up. You don't even remember why you fought with him."

"It's just…" I looked away from Ellie and she rubbed my arm, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Where is she?" I heard and looked up. Tom was looking for me. "Over here, asshole," I called out and he stared at me. For a brief second, a look of confusion and shock came over his face. Then he quickly snapped out of it.

"Still the same entitled brat, I see. I would love working with you," he said with faux affection, a sarcastic smile on his face. "Likewise. Are we done here? I don't want to waste my time with you, I have lots more important things to do. To be honest, really everything is more important than you, so…" I poked my tongue out at him and walked away.

When I was about 15 feet away from him, I wrapped my arms around myself. For the first time in forever, I actually felt guilty about being so rude to him. Maybe Ellie was right, why should I fight with him if I didn't even remember why we started? I couldn't let down my guard now, though, I was too deep into this mess.

If I tried to be more cordial, he would start taunting me even more. I would snap and insult him, thus starting our fight all over again. I'd just have to swallow my guilt and keep being rude, I guess. I shook my head and walked out of the place.

---

Tom POV:

"How are you, Ellie?" Despite having enmity with Y/N, I really liked her manager. Ellie, unlike Y/N, was cute, sweet and polite. "Hi Tom, I'm good! I'm sorry about Y/N. I tried to tell her that your banter is childish but she completely ignored me," she sighed and we hugged each other.

"Y/N is a stupid bitch, you don't need to pay attention to her. She has always been rude and bratty, at least you're not like her. You're so much better," I chuckled. Ellie and Haz shook hands, smiling at each other. "Are you sure you'll be comfortable working with each other? What if the fight escalates?" Ellie asked worriedly.

"I will try my best to be friendly with her, I won't let the fight escalate. Nothing should ruin the movie," I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I don't know why she wants to fight with you, Tom. She herself told me she didn't remember why you fought in the first place and now…"

"Wait, she what?" My eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Yes! She doesn't remember why you started your banter and now she won't listen to me when I tell her to give up the enmity," Ellie said, her lips pulled into a thin line. "Wait, I don't… I don't remember either…" I mumbled. Haz and Ellie looked at each other.

"Why don't you two just try to be friends? Please? Both of you are amazing people, this banter is nonsensical," Haz insisted. "I'll try my best but I don't know about her dram—"

"Tom."

"Ugh, sorry!"

---

Y/N POV:

"Yo, wassup pussy! Too scared, huh? No wonder your roast game is weak AF," I laughed, walking into the room with a packet of chips in my hands. Two months had passed since we started working together. For some reason, though, he absolutely didn't try to rile me up with his smartass comments. Somehow, I felt as if he was holding back, but I don't know… I had to find out.

He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Will you shut up, fatty? I'm trying to do something here and working without your overweight ass will be so much easier! I tried to end our fight but you surely don't want to grow up! Leave and don't come back," he snapped, glaring at me.

I froze. His comment… actually hurt. It hurt me in my heart. Fatty. Overweight. I looked at the packet of chips in my hands and walked up to the nearby bin, throwing it away. I tried to hold my tears in as I ran out of the room to my trailer. Once I was in the comfort of my own trailer, I let the tears roll down my eyes.

For 15 minutes, I sat crying. I felt ashamed of insulting him, now. He grew up. I was still the rude teenager he worked with in Exile. Of course he hated me, I hadn't been nice to him at all. This was my fault. When I finally stopped crying, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I promised myself that I would be more polite to him after this.

---

Tom POV:

"Yo, where is Y/N? Our scene starts in five minutes! Ellie?" I questioned, looking at her. "The last time I checked she was in her trailer, should I go check on her?" she offered. I shook my head. "Let me go." I walked out of the room and went to her trailer. "Y/N! Don't you know our scene starts in five minutes? Get your ass up!"

When I got no snide remark in return, my brows furrowed. What was she doing in there? "Y/N?" I called out, knocking on the door. The door, I found out, was open. Against my own wish, I opened the door. A loud gasp escaped my lips. "Y/N!" I shouted, swiftly climbing into the trailer.

She had fallen on the floor, unconscious, her head resting against the bed. My eyes widened in horror when I observed her pale skin and skinny body. Her bones were poking out; it looked as though she was wearing her skin on her skeleton like spandex. "Y/N!" I whispered, picking her up. My heart broke when I noticed how lightweight she was.

"Tom? We heard you shou— what happened?" Ellie gasped, running towards me. "She's too cold, we need to take her to the hospital," I spoke rapidly. The two of us called an ambulance and within half an hour, Y/N was being taken to the hospital. Ellie and I were with her.

"What happened? She… she looks so skinny…" I asked Ellie, my chest heaving. "Fucking hell! She wasn't eating! Every time I offered food she said she wasn't hungry or that she ate already… now I know! She was starving herself! It's been 5 months, she hasn't eaten a single thing—"

5 months. I knew what happened 5 months ago. "Will you shut up, fatty?" I whispered, a sharp pain coursing through my chest. She wasn't eating because I called her fat. I shouldn't have, not when she wasn't fat at all! This was all my fault. Why did I let this happen?

"Tom, is everything okay?" I looked at Ellie, snapping out of my thoughts. "Uh, yeah— yeah I'm good," I muttered. Upon reaching the hospital, Y/N was immediately put up for an emergency operation.

I stayed at the hospital for 5 hours with Ellie, that's how long her operation took. The shooting was temporarily put on hold and news outlets started talking about Y/N being in the hospital. The hospital was shut down.

---

Y/N POV:

Darkness. All around me. What happened? Where was I? I tried to open my eyes but it hurt. I groaned and forced them open, trying to sit up. I moved my hands but found out they were connected to something. "Ms Y/L/N!" a surprised voice gasped. "Where am I?" I moaned.

"I'm Dr Watson, you're at the hospital," he said soothingly, scribbling something down on his notepad. "Like Sherlock?" I chuckled weakly, giving him a smile. "I've been asked that many times. Good to know you're feeling better, Y/N," he smiled, ruffling my hair.

He then proceeded to walk out of the room. A few seconds later, Ellie and Tom walked in. "What the fuck, Y/N? You thought starving yourself while shooting a movie was important? Why did you do this? You gave us all a heart attack!" Ellie scolded, glaring at me. I looked away, ashamed.

"I know someone didn't care," I muttered. "If you're thinking of me, you're wrong. I found you unconscious, Y/N, and brought you here. Of course I cared. I would also like to apologize for my rude remark, I shouldn't have called you that," he said, rubbing the back of his head.

I stared at him. He brought me here? "Oh, uh, thank you, I guess," I said softly, giving him a small smile. He smiled back. "I'm going to speak to the doctor, you stay here." Ellie left the room. Tom looked around and finally pointed to the bed. "May I?" he asked awkwardly.

"Sure," I laughed. He grinned and sat down near my abdomen. For a few minutes, there was silence between us. "So, I guess we should stop fighting, huh? I mean, none of us remember why we fought, so…" Tom said, looking out of the window. "You're right. Friends?"

"Friends." We shook hands, smiling at each other. "I'm sorry for all the rude things I've called you over the years, I really am," I apologized sincerely. "I'm sorry, too. Maybe we can forget all that and try to get to know each other?" Tom suggested. "I like that idea," I chuckled.

"Why did you starve yourself, though?" he asked quietly. "Every time I saw food, your voice echoed in my head. Fatty. I lost my appetite and didn't eat," I explained, looking at my lap. "I'm so sorry," he said, frowning at me. "It's okay, I'm fine now. We're friends now, I'll be fine." We gave each other small smiles.

Turns out, I had to stay at the hospital for a month and after that, the shooting would resume. Every single day for a month, Tom and I hung out at the hospital. Our getting-to-know-each-other sessions were going really well; we actually had a lot of interests in common! I would've known this, of course, if I wasn't too busy fighting with him for absolutely no reason.

---

Tom POV:

"Today's the kiss scene, right?"

I fixed my bow tie, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah. Thankfully we're friends now, it shouldn't be that awkward." I grinned at Harrison. He grinned back. "I'm glad. Your fight was pointless anyway."

We left my trailer and walked towards the sets. When I walked in, I paused— Y/N was looking adorably stunning in the dress she wore. Her hair was done amazingly and she was chatting with Ellie. Not many people were at the set today, the scene was going to be shot privately.

I had to admit, after hanging out with her for a month, I started forming a crush on her. Maybe I could ask her out on a date, see how that worked out… "Tom! Here!" I looked at Y/N, who waved me over. I walked to her, a wide smile on my face. "You're looking really beautiful," I complimented, smirking a bit when she blushed.

"Not too shabby yourself, sir," she winked. "If you're ready, shall we start?" the director called out. The two of us gave our signals and took our place. The setting was such: A ballroom, the two of us were dancing. We simply had to say I love you and give each other a kiss. Not too difficult, we would be done in five minutes.

"And… action!"

We said those three words to each other, smiled dreamily and leaned forward. When our lips connected, I felt real-life butterflies in my stomach. I liked Y/N and the kiss… the kiss was amazing. "Cut!" We pulled away. After gazing at each other for ten seconds, we burst out giggling. "You're a pretty good kisser, Tom."

"Not too shabby yourself, ma'am," I teased, repeating her previous words. "Wanna get coffee after changing?" she asked, a twinkle in her eye. "Do I? Meet you at the gates in thirty minutes, last one there's a loser!"

"Tom, come back, ugh!" Y/N yelled as I ran towards my trailer. "It's not my fault you're wearing a dress!" I yelled back, laughing loudly. "Shut up!"

Our date went extremely well, needless to say.

---

A/N: Leave a like! Thanks for reading!

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x female reader #tom holland characters #peter parker x reader #spiderman #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

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bopbopstyles · 4 years

Text

3. More Than a Song

SERIES RATING: M (sex)

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 9.7k

MASTERLIST | INSPO TAG | ASK

Y/N promised herself she would never date a musician. It was her one rule–her only rule, actually–when it came to dating. But then, Harry Styles rolled into her life and asked her to break it, just this once. And this is what happened.

a/n: prepare for ANGST! and dunkirk premiere harry aka one of his best looks ever :) also thank u to @havethetimeofyourstyles for making my line breaks bc i’m inept at making things xoxo

pls reblog to spread the word about only exception! 🥰

“Baby,” Harry said, turning to her from where he stood in his closet. “Can you help me with my collar? I can’t get it.”

Y/N set down her phone—she was ready first, which wasn’t surprising considering it took Harry ages to get ready, partially because he kept getting distracted with her. He’d touch her, run his hands all over her, ask if he could get her out of her lingerie, and she’d have to remind him that she’d barely even had it on and they had an important event. “Sure.”

Harry looked dashing—he always did. After much debate, they had decided on a simple white silk short-sleeved button down and a pair of flared black pants, cool enough for May in LA, but still perfectly Harry. Y/N had painted his nails last night a pastel purple while they had watched a documentary about sheep—which Harry had selected—and the color popped against the neutrals of the rest of the outfit. Shoes were still up in the air, but Y/N was trying to get him to wear the yellow loafers he’d gotten recently, the ones she was so obsessed with she was considering stealing for herself.

Somehow Harry always managed to mess up his collars before big nights, the nerves probably getting to him. Y/N smoothed the material on his shoulders to relax him before popping up his collar and folding it back down crisply. “There you go.” In the mirror in front of Harry, her eyes trailed down his body, from his sweet curls she had labored over styling in the bathroom, to the recently tailored pants he wore. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed, a smile dancing onto Harry’s face at the action. “Nervous, bubs?”

He turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Bit. More for you to hear it than anyone else.”

The honesty of his statement brought butterflies to her tummy. Harry had been in and out of meetings for the past few months getting together the release of his debut album and putting the final touches on it, but at no point had he let her hear it. She suspected it was because he was scared she’d hate it, but when she asked her dad about it, he told her to think about it as his journal. His journal of a past that Y/N hadn’t been a part of. That had made Y/N understand a bit better, the prospect of being nervous of what she’d think of him more the worry than a worry of what she’d think of the music. So she nuzzled her nose into his shoulder, careful not to get lipstick on the fabric, and told him, “I’m going to love it. It’ll be perfect, just like you.”

Harry’s arms wrapped backwards so he could hold her to him and they stood there, holding one another, basking in each other’s presence before everyone else arrived. It had been a busy couple months for them to start a relationship—Y/N was swamped at work, her boss having left so she had to take on extra work, and Harry was releasing his album, Dunkirk was coming out in the summer, and his tour started in the fall. It was a lot to say the least, and Y/N tried not to think about it too often because she’d get all in her head and ignore Harry’s texts for hours until he called her and asked her if she wanted gummy worms or Hershey’s for movie night. Then, she’d remind herself that they were doing good—really good, even. Better than other relationships that she had been in for this long. Usually this was when she got bored, but with Harry she kept falling for him more and more every day they spent with each other.

He was like a drug, and she was addicted.

“We should head down,” Y/N said, brushing back from him. “Wear the yellow ones, yeah?”

He mumbled something under his breath about her being bossy and coming for Lambert’s job and she snorted, leaving him in the walk-in closet to straighten himself out. Her phone in her hand, she slipped on her heels, a summer sandal with a platform so her feet didn’t hurt, the perfect compliment to her flowing sundress she’d selected for the release party. When Harry had seen it he’d promptly asked if she could take it off so he could ravish her, so she decided it was a good choice. It emphasized her curves in a way that made her feel confident and she’d pinned her hair over one shoulder, the earrings Harry had gotten her for their three-month anniversary on display.

Re-emerging, Harry rolled his eyes over her body and she gave him a soft smile at the way his eyes screamed with desire. “See something you like?”

“Fuck yes,” he cursed. “Can’t wait to have you all to myself later.” Hands in hers, he pressed a searing kiss to her lips, the kind that made her toes curl, before pulling back. “C’mon, Azoff is yelling at me over text about being late to my own party.”

“It’s literally downstairs,” she pointed out. “He’s just mad he can’t embarrass you in front of your friends.”

Harry laughed, arm tucked around her waist as they descended the stairs of his house. He’d bought it at the end of February, a birthday gift to himself, and Y/N had thought to herself at the time that it wasn’t about her, it was about him. But it was kind of hard whenever he had her help him pick out all the furniture, making sure she approved of the colors he painted the walls and the patio furniture.

Downstairs, the party was in full force. Harry hadn’t invited too many people, mostly the same crowd as his birthday. Since it was at his house, he was hesitant to give the address out to too many people, but ultimately he wanted to be able to do whatever the fuck he wanted to celebrate, no paps around. Also, it was hot and he had a pool, so he had told everyone to bring a swimsuit just in case they wanted to take a dip. Y/N had persuaded him to keep it simple and they’d ordered pizza from his favorite place and she made some a ton of margaritas for everyone to help themselves to. Jeff was left in charge of the door when Harry was late finishing getting dressed, and she could tell that he had done a fine job. The tunes were going, people were drinking, and everyone seemed happy. He had even put the album countdown that Y/N had spent two hours making that morning on the TV.

“Stay close to me, please?” Harry asked her, bending his head to whisper in her ear when they reached the group.

Y/N nodded, and Harry began happily talking to Jeff. Y/N started up a conversation with another one of the Full Stop employees who had come who she’d met at a brunch a few weeks ago, plucking some details from her brain about her boyfriend to check-in about. Then, a familiar face flashed in the crowd. “Hanna!”

Harry had suggested the idea of inviting her best friends to the party and Y/N had leapt at the idea. The prospect of having her two favorite people be there with her to celebrate her boyfriend was her idea of a perfect night. Hanna’s red hair popped up, her smile giddy from seeing Y/N. Cutting through the crowd, she quickly made it to Y/N, who wrapped her best friend up in a tight hug.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she said. “Find it okay?”

Hanna nodded. “Security at the gate did not want to let me in though. Jamie is on his way—Cole called while he was walking out the door.” Jamie and Cole had been together for years and Y/N decided the first time she met Cole that there wasn’t anyone better for Jamie, and Jamie seemed to agree. “How are you?”

“Amazing,” Y/N replied and she truly was. She felt like she was on cloud nine right now, the energy bouncing off of Harry absorbing into every one of her pores. “Excited to finally hear it.”

“You should be.” Hanna leaned over and tapped Harry on the shoulder.

His attention shifted from some work-related conversation with Jeff quickly over to his girlfriend’s best friend. “Oh, hello Hanna,” he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much for coming.”

“No place I’d rather be,” Hanna replied. “Now can I steal Y/N?”

Harry’s eyes lingered on Y/N, but he gave her a warm smile. “‘Course.”

Y/N followed her best friend out onto the patio, giving hugs and saying hello to the friends of Harry’s she’d met during the past few months of them being together. Harry watched her with awe at how well she had fit into his life, she’d succeeded faster than any other girl he’d ever dated. The tidbits of information she remembered and the way she made an effort to be present in the conversations, her deep knowledge of music and the industry coming in handy. He loved having a girl at her side who knew what all of his team did without him having to explain it to her. It was small, but it made a difference to him.

“H,” Mitch said, pulling his gaze from his girlfriend back to the conversation he’d been having with Mitch, Adam, and Sarah. “You good?”

“Yeah,” he replied, taking a sip of the margaritas Y/N had made for the party. She’d slaved over them all day while he was on calls and doing interviews and he appreciated it so much. He reminded himself to tell her later when he had her alone and could tell her properly.

Sarah smiled at him knowingly. “He’s just looking at Y/N, as usual.”

Mitch and Adam chuckled, but Harry frowned. “Am I not allowed to look at my girl?”

“You are,” Adam said, “just be careful, mate. You told us about the rule, remember?”

The Rule. The goddamn rule that controlled this relationship more than he felt like he did, sometimes. He didn’t know how much Y/N thought about it at this point in their relationship, but then again it was still technically pretty early in the grand scheme of things. But for him, it was a constant reminder than their time together was fleeting, that at any point she might want to leave him, his lifestyle too hard. And it’s not that he blamed her. He just hated that it was a possibility. “I know.”

“How’s it going?” Adam pressed. Harry had been distant these past few weeks, holing himself up in the house with Y/N every chance he got when they weren’t rehearsing and he wasn’t on a call. It was hectic and he knew that his friends worried about him.

Harry took another sip of his margarita, eyes finding Y/N out on the patio laughing with Hanna, hair blowing in the wind. “Been good. She seems really happy,” he continued at the sight of her smile. “Bit nervous about tonight, if I’m being honest though.” He’d told Y/N the same thing, but the pit in his stomach still lingered. She had said she was excited, but he didn’t know how she would react to him releasing an album full of songs about his exes and flings.

They all got it though. “About which song?”

“All of ‘em,” he said nervously, and it was true. Y/N came into his life after the album was done, the idea of adding a song about her impossible. Even though he could’ve written dozens—he already had, the voice memos on his phone to prove it. Sometimes he’d sneak away to the bathroom while she slept to sing something that popped into his head, and the few that he’d shown the band they liked. It was all material for the next album, they told him. Some of them had even become full-fledged songs after a few hours locked in his office, but he hadn’t shared them yet. They still felt too raw.

Sarah reached out a hand and squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “She’ll get it, H. Her dad’s a musician, you know? If there was anyone who would understand, it would be her.”

And she was probably right. But there was a feeling in his gut that Harry couldn’t shake—that tonight wouldn’t end well for them. He’d felt it when he had woken up this morning and no matter how many time he kissed Y/N to make it go away, it lingered and it was making his brain go wild.

He hoped it was just the nerves.

The night passed quickly. There were speeches, a cake, Jeff pulled out a bottle of champagne, and Y/N had rejoined Harry at his side for the most part. And at this party, there was no question as to who she was—to everyone she was “Y/N, my girlfriend,” and Harry loved it. Particularly the look on her face that she would get every once in a while when her eyes caught his. He didn’t know what to call it, but he just knew that he felt the same way.

Before he knew it, it was 11:59 and everyone had gathered in the living room. The TV had the countdown on that Y/N had designed, the album cover with the numerical countdown over it, another bottle of champagne in Harry’s hand, ready to pop. Y/N stood a few people away from him, watching him with that look in her eyes that she’d been giving him all night that made him weak in the knees and made him curious what she would do to him when they were upstairs. He knew why Y/N was keeping her distance right now—she had mentioned it once before when they were curled up in bed after Harry asked her to be put down as a co-host for the party, that this success was his and his alone. That she was here at the end and she wanted it to be all his. She was here to support him and give him kisses after, but it was all his.

“10, 9, 8.” This was it. It was Harry’s debut album, his first solo record. It was weird for the rest of the guys to not be here when an album dropped. Usually, they were all standing together with bottles of champagne, ready to celebrate with one another.

“7, 6, 5, 4.” And Harry didn’t know which one was worse and which was better. Maybe they were both equally as wonderful, because he had other friends here to stand by his side. Jeff, Sarah, Mitch, Adam. James, floating around somewhere. His mum and sister tried to be here but Gemma got sick and Anna wanted to stay behind to take care of her.

“3, 2,” He had Y/N. He had Y/N’s excited expression, her wide eyes and flushed cheeks, the look of pride on her face that he treasured.

“1!” But this was his, his success, his win. With the first notes of the album playing in the room, he popped the bottle of champagne and with the bubbles running down the side of the bottle, he took a long swig.

Cheers went up around him, his best friends celebrating his biggest success of his career thus far, one he’d fought long and hard for. One he was immensely proud of and he hoped he would always look back on fondly. And the sound of his album blaring in his house’s sound system—the sound of Meet Me in the Hallway, it brought him to tears.

“Aww, man,” Adam brought him into a hug, patting Harry softly on his back. “Y/N! Come here!”

Y/N was there in an instant, wrapping Harry up in her arms, his head falling onto her shoulder, sobs wracking his body as they stood there. He didn’t even care that his friends were all there witnessing him crying into his girlfriend’s shoulder, he was just so overwhelmed.

“You okay, bubs?” Y/N asked, petting the back of his head softly.

“It’s a lot,” he replied softly, trying to find the words. “Happy. But also just…”

Her hands ran up and down his back, rubbing circles. “I know, baby. You don’t need to explain, okay?”

Harry didn’t reply, just tried to find his breath and stop the tears that were welling in his eyes. And when he did, he lifted his head and his lips met Y/N’s, the sound of whoops and cat-calls breaking out around them. The middle finger that Harry raised to them all did nothing to stifle them either. “Thank you,” he said into her hair when they broke.

The feeling of her lips on his neck, a soft kiss, brought him to his knees. “Always.”

And Harry hoped it was true.

While the rest of the party swirled around her—dancing had broke out, James had started making themed drinks, his favorite being the Sign of the Times one—Y/N sat right in front of the speaker, listening to every word of the album. It was her first time hearing it and she knew Harry would probably play it for her later, but she wanted to hear it now. She wanted to hear his pride and joy, the thing that had him beaming and laughing with his friends, belting out the lyrics with Mitch and Adam in a conga line that was worming its way through the room.

And what she heard broke her heart in so many ways.

Y/N knew that music, and much of art, stemmed from pain and hurt. A good amount of it was also about love, but the songs that were some of the rawest, the ones that hit home for most people, were the ones about our darkest moments. Harry’s album was full of them. Heartbreak, heartache, regrets, addiction to people and things. It was chock full of every one of his deepest darkest secrets, especially the women who he had loved before he met her. There was a part of her that knew that he would tell her in his own time about the stories of some of these women—he had mentioned a few when she’d asked about them—and that she didn’t need to push, but there was this disgusting, self-sabotaging part of her that wanted to know every sordid detail, even though she knew it would hurt her.

This was one of the many reasons she had always told herself she would never date a musician, but more importantly that she would never fall for one. Because their relationship, their joys and pitfalls, heartache and brightest moments, it was all fodder for a song, an album, a career. It wasn’t the artist’s fault, that’s how it worked, but that didn’t make it any easier to be the person they were writing about.

Was that all she was? Another girl for Harry to write a song about?

She wanted to be happy for him, to be glowing and beaming for him, but the part of her that she hated, the part that conjured the worst possible parts of people, it was crawling out of her head. It was twisting Harry and she knew it, but that didn’t mean she didn’t believe it.

The album only lasted 40 minutes, but in those 40 minutes the party died down. People had jumped in the pool while Y/N sat by the speaker, they had finished their drinks, they had said their goodbyes, the object of the event passed. Hanna and Jamie came over and gave her hugs, concerned looks on their faces, and told her to call them if she needed anything. When she looked up, the last notes of From the Dining Table fading, it was just her left.

A light from the patio twinkled and she could see the water rippling under the moonlight. Harry.

She left the stereo silent, not cuing up another playlist, and tugged off her shoes, then her dress. Following the pull of the man who had written such a beautiful, heartbreaking, hopeful record, she walked to the patio.

“There you are.” He was floating on his back in just his boxers, which didn’t surprise Y/N in the slightest. The fairy lights they had strung up together were dim in the nighttime darkness, but just bright enough so she could see Harry and all his beauty. “Look bloody gorgeous, love.”

Y/N tucked her hair into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, knotting the hair so it stayed. “Finished the album,” she said, walking to the water’s edge.

“Yeah?” Harry swam over to her, leaning his head on her thighs that rested on the concrete that lined the pool. “What’d you think?”

She couldn’t help the heartbroken smile that graced her features, because she was too tired to lie to him. Exhausted from trying to pretend that she didn’t think about the fact that he could leave her at any moment, that the insecurities of who she was and who he was didn’t catch up to her sometimes. His fingertips brushed at her cheeks and Y/N realized she was crying.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” He hoisted himself out of the water and hooked one of his legs around her waist, pulling her into his wet skin. It was cold against the night air, but somehow Harry was still warm to her.

“I don’t know how to say this,” she said slowly, struggling to find her words.

Fingers drifted up and down her back. “Just do your best.”

She tried not to think about the fact that she was crying on his album release day, that they were having this conversation now. One that sat in the back of her mind when she was alone and Harry couldn’t banish it. “The album is beautiful, Harry,” she started, “but it’s about a past that I wasn’t a part of.” Harry was quiet, but his arms didn’t move from their place around her, so she forged on. “I know that artists write from their experience, and that this album was done before I met you, but there’s this part of me, this horrible part that I utterly despise, that is jealous of them. The women who you wrote about. And the fact that it’s them that you’re going to sing about on stage every night. Does that make sense?”

The brush of his chin against her spine showed her that yes, he understood.

“And,” she continued, voice breaking, “I can’t stop thinking about the fact that maybe I’m going to be a song.”

“Of course you’re going to be a song,” Harry said, his voice soft and sweet.

He didn’t get it. To him, being a song was an honor, but to her, it was a threat almost. “No—it’s that I’m going to be only a song.”

The man next to her didn’t say a word. The chirp of the crickets stretched between their bodies, which were still close on the concrete floor, not a muscle moved.

“I don’t want to only be a song.” Y/N’s voice was hoarse, sobs wracking her body she didn’t expect, didn’t want. She couldn’t have this conversation if she was crying, but she couldn’t hold them in either. It was her biggest fear, the one that festered below all of the others, threatening to consume the relationship she had with a man she was falling for. And falling was the only way to describe it—without any support, a free fall that was utterly terrifying but also blissful peaceful.

Suddenly, his fingers swept across her neck, brushing against her sensitive skin. “Y/N,” he whispered, “you could never be just a song. You’re—you’re like the stars and the moon to me. In that room I could always feel you, wherever you were, and I didn’t want to be anywhere where you weren’t. And maybe this is too fast and too soon, but what I feel for you, fuck Y/N how can you not see how much you are to me?”

He pulled her head so she faced him, his eyes teary to match her own. “Do you hear me? You’re so much more than a song. You’re an album. You’re my life’s work, my masterpiece, a symphony. A song can’t contain how I feel for you, it’s just a piece of a billion I could write.”

Soft as a feather, his lips pressed to her cheeks and then up and across her forehead, over her eyelids, barely leaving a mark but a searing fire in his wake that shook Y/N’s core. “And Y/N, you’re better than a song. You’re my life. You’re here, you’re real, you’re with me. Y/N, you will never be just a song to me. You never could be. Not to me.”

Y/N rested her forehead against his, inhaling his cologne and exhaling her feelings for him. He managed to rip down all her defenses, the ones she had spent years building up, and it was frightening. But then she looked at him, the way he smiled at her, the way he kissed her, the way he said her name, and it wasn’t quite as scary. She hoped he could feel how much she cared for him in the way she kissed him, their tears blending into one as they scrambled for each other. Lips breaking and meeting, desperate for more and more and more. Her fingers gripped the back of his head, holding him to her, wanting to have his whole body imprinted on hers.

“Y/N,” he breathed, “you heard me? You understand?”

“Yes,” she replied softly, “I hear you.” She brushed her fingers through his hair gently, curling the wet strands back. “You may need to remind me sometimes.”

“Always,” he whispered, catching her kiss with his own, tugging her into him, arms around her body in a vice grip.

She lost herself in Harry, him an ocean and her a boat lost at sea. Maybe it was their conversation or the night or the alcohol flowing through their veins, but it felt different. The way he kissed her felt heavier, her moans a prayer, his fingers on his back a weight she never wanted lifted. Her legs wrapped around his waist so she was firmly in his lap, arms thrown over his shoulders, their bare bodies except for their underwear pressed against each other without a molecule of air between them.

His lips drew a line across the top of her shoulder, a fire building in her belly as his fingers fumbled with the clasp of her bra. It was a light pink she’d worn just for him and when he nudged at the strap with his nose, letting it slip from her shoulders, she didn’t care that he could barely see it. She’d show him tomorrow morning. He pulled the fabric away and bent his head, licking at one of her nipples and then the other, gasps falling from her mouth like poetry. Without meaning to, her hips rolled over his cock, the thin fabric of their underwear doing nothing to keep the heat of her center from touching his sensitive skin.

He moaned her name, the sound muffled against her neck as he sucked a love bite into the spot that made her keen every time he nipped into it. She rocked again on him, his fingers digging into her skin so hard it would leave marks tomorrow but she didn’t care. In fact, she wanted to have his marks on her tomorrow, she wanted to show the world that she wasn’t just a song, she was his, she was his girlfriend and she made him feel this way.

Hands on skin, he pressed her down onto the concrete so she was lying down, her ankles tucked around his hips, anchoring her to him. When his hips bucked into hers, she let out a sharp cry, the angle brushing her clit perfectly. “Right there?” He mumbled, nipping and tugging on her nipple, laving a circle that left her squirming against the concrete.

“Off,” she whispered, tugging at his boxers with her hands. “Wanna feel you.” With his help, they shimmied off his boxers without too much difficulty and Y/N let out a sigh of relief when she could feel his cock brush against her covered folds. Reaching a hand down, she brushed the pad of her thumb across his tip, a pained hiss flying from Harry’s throat. He was sensitive and Y/N loved it.

They didn’t have a condom, but she didn’t care. She’d been on birth control for years and she knew Harry hadn’t slept with anyone else since she found her way into his life. Plus, she needed him—she wanted to feel him, raw and bare inside of her.

They were going to have sex on the concrete next to his pool, but she didn’t care. They had had sex before and they would have sex again. She just needed him in a desperate, crawling way. When he nudged at her underwear she pressed into him, letting him pull them down her legs without a second thought.

“Condom,” Harry mumbled as she chased after his lips, open mouthed and heavy.

“It’s okay,” she said, fingers digging into his shoulder blades. “Want you like this.”

Harry’s head dropped to the space between her neck and shoulder, the groan that filled the air unlike anything she had heard before. “Gonna ruin me,” he whispered, brushing his cock against her folds. Y/N whimpered at the sensation, her fingers begging him for more, for anything she would give him. When his fingers brushed her clit, his name tumbled from her lips without abandon.

“Harry, please,” she panted, fingers deep in his hair.

That was all it took. She was so wet from the foreplay and just him that he didn’t even need to stretch her out. Her mouth fell open as he pushed inside, a mewl landing on his lips as he kissed her. Slowly, he pulled out and then back in, both of them groaning from the sensation of him being bare inside her. He felt impossibly close, every ridge and edge of him pressing against her in the most perfect way. She didn’t know if she could use condoms again, because holding Harry to her chest, arms around his shoulders as he fucked slowly, deeply, into her, her able to feel every inch of her, it was bliss on a new level. A sensation she didn’t know she was missing with him.

Her ankles hitched higher on his hips and when he pushed back in he hit a new angle, a groan ripping from his throat that set her on fire. “Can I go faster?” He said with a grunt. “I—I don’t know how much—“

“Yes,” she whimpered at his words.

He didn’t wait. He drew back and into her, pistoning his hips at a pace she couldn’t even describe, hitting that spot deep inside of her that made her eyes roll back over and over. How he managed to do that she didn’t know, but he deserved an award. Fingers grabbing at his skin in desperation for something to hold her together, Y/N gasped and exhaled his name, a plea and a beg and a prayer all in one. Her back hurt from the concrete but she didn’t care, she just wanted to finish, to feel him release deep inside of her.

Then he thumbed over her clit and she arched up, back leaving the concrete as the fire deep within her threatened to bubble over. When he start brushing circles there, Y/N gripped his shoulders like they would keep her anchored to Earth, her body possibly transcending. Harry bent his head and sucked a love bite on her breast, the puncture of skin forcing her head back, unable to keep it together.

“You close?” He asked, littering her chest with kisses, “Please tell me you are, I can’t, I can’t hold on…”

She mumbled a yes as he drove deep inside of her, swiveling his hips in a brutal way that left her hands squeezing his butt cheeks to get him to do it again. When he did, she swore she saw stars. “Gonna come,” she said, eyes searching for his lips in the low lighting. “Kiss?”

Without hesitation, he kissed her, open mouthed and dirty and sloppy and perfect. She wanted every rough-edged and sweet part of him, every kiss and press of his body against hers. “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he chanted as he pressed into her again and again, her body drawing tighter and tighter. Then, he pinched her clit and she came, the ball in her tummy unravelling, hips bucking up against him as she rode out her high. Her eyes stayed trained on him as she did, not wanting to miss his face when he came inside of her.

His hips stuttered, release unloading inside of her in ropes that left him cursing like a sailor. Hair wet and sweaty, sticking to his forehead, and irises blown out, he looked beautiful. She held him close until his body settled, shaking as he came down from his high, forehead resting on the swell of her breasts.

Slowly, he rolled off of her, tugging her body into his so she wasn’t on the cold concrete anymore. He was fiery hot and it kept her warm in the cold air. “Can we never use a rubber again?” He asked softly, and she giggled, hiding her face in his neck.

“Don’t see any reason to,” she replied and he hummed with joy. Tucking her hands under her chin, she looked at him with a smile. “Congrats on your album, baby.”

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear tenderly. “I’m so happy I shared today with you.” She kissed him softly and let him hold her close, not wanting to move even to go to bed because it meant leaving his grasp. And as much as her head told her that it wasn’t forever, she couldn’t help but hope it would be.

It had been four days since Harry had texted her. Five since he called her. Six since they FaceTimed.

He was in London for the press junket for Dunkirk and Y/N was supposed to fly out for the July 13th premiere—it was decided a month ago, the tickets booked and her time off from work already approved. But as the days stretched on and the silence grew longer, she couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong. If she had done something wrong.

It wasn’t the first time he had been away from LA. They had a conversation about how they were going to handle distance when he travelled back in April, before the album came out and he had to fly around and do press for two weeks. That time, though, he handled it well—he called every night before she went to bed if he could, if not, he sent a long voice memo that she listened to when she woke up. They texted all day, him sending photos from dressing rooms and backstage at talk shows, even FaceTiming her so she could meet the stars he shared the nights with.

But this time was different. Since he left he had texted her just a handful of times and it was when he was at his mom’s house visiting home before press started. And then once press kicked into gear, he was gone, her texts ignored, calls not returned. She was trying not to seem desperate, but with the more time that passed the more anxious she got. It wasn’t how this was supposed to go, this wasn’t what they’d agreed on. He knew her fears, the dark thoughts that crowded in when she spent too much time worrying about their relationship, and yet he wasn’t taking the actions that helped her calm down. Even though she knew it wasn’t his responsibility to take care of her brain, it helped to know he thought about her, at the very least.

The morning before her flight was supposed to leave, she called Hanna in a panic. Her suitcases laid open on her bed, clothes scattered around her, tears streaming down her face. She had tried to call Harry again to confirm her arrival plans, only to be met with his voicemail, again.

Hi, you’ve reached Harry. I’ll give you a call back when I can!

Somehow, the sound of his voice made it worse.

“Han,” she choked out when her friend picked up, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Did he not answer?” Hanna had been counseling her through the whole thing, helping her stay calm and sane, as much as possible at least. From Y/N’s lack of response, just more sobs, Hanna knew immediately. “That prick.”

Y/N wiped a tear from her eye and looked at the ticket in her hand. Harry had forced her to accept his offer of first-class, booking her flight through his agent and everything. “Does he even want me there? Should I not go?”

Hanna was quiet, thoughts rolling through her head. “No,” she finally said. “You should go. Even if it’s just to talk to him in person. You deserve to hear it face-to-face, not by him ghosting you.”

“Even if that means I end up in London and he breaks up with me?”

“Yes,” Hanna replied softly. “But I really, really hope that is not what’s happening.”

At first it had been that he was busy, that he would text when he had time, but it had been six days. Now, both Y/N and Hanna were increasingly worried that it meant the end of their relationship and Y/N was simply not ready for that possibility. She had let Harry in—he had begged her to let him in—and he was going to end things like this? When things got hard with the distance he just…cut her out? “Can you take me to the airport?” Y/N asked, sniffling. “If you don’t I don’t think I’ll be able to force myself to go.”

“Was already planning on it,” Hanna replied. “I’ll bring snacks for the flight.”

“Love you,” Y/N told her. Hanna was her one constant, who knew Y/N better than she knew herself.

“Love you more. Now go finish packing and call me if you need me, okay?”

Y/N told her okay and hung up, her gaze shifting to her suitcase. If he was going to break up with her, then she was going to look so magnificent he would regret every second of it.

Eleven hours in the air meant plenty of time to run over her entire relationship with Harry. She had sat curled up in her seat scrolling through her camera roll and listening to Bon Iver, which was the sappiest thing possible and she didn’t care. Y/N didn’t want to break up with him and the photos and the texts and the memories proved it. Her time with Harry had been so beautifully bright, his presence in her life making so much better, from her confidence to her knowledge to her music taste. And she cared about him in a way she hadn’t let herself do—ever.

She had texted Jeff before she took off, telling him she couldn’t get a hold of Harry and asking where she should go when she landed. He replied with Harry’s Hampstead address and the door code, saying there was a key waiting for her, hidden in the garden, an apology on Harry’s behalf for how busy he had been. The words meant nothing, though, to Y/N. If Harry wanted to apologize he would have to do it in person, not through Jeff.

It was eleven by the time her Uber pulled up to Harry’s house and she thanked the driver as he tugged her luggage from the boot. She waited until he pulled away before she typed in the gate code, not wanting to reveal Harry’s security to anyone—she have been mad at him, but she still didn’t want anything happening to him. The door unlocked for her and she slid inside, shutting it quickly behind her. Pulling her suitcase behind her, she walked up the path, searching for the garden statue Jeff had told her the key was hiding under. When she found it, her fingers ran across the ridges as she made her way to the front door.

His house in LA was warm, it was the Harry she knew. But this house felt colder, the design modern, his personal affects not as visible. Although to his credit, he hadn’t been here for more than a few days in months. A few photos of Anne and Gemma were scattered through the front hall, some framed photos of his time in One Direction nestled between them.

“Harry?” She knew he wasn’t there, but the idea of walking into his house without checking felt too uncomfortable for her. She locked the door tightly behind her, typing in the security code Jeff had sent before re-arming it.

Y/N took her time exploring his house. She perused the main spaces, testing out the couches and peeking at his bookcases, studying the art lining the walls. Then she made her way upstairs to the bedrooms, running her fingers along the edges of his One Direction album plaques that lined the walls of his office, the ones from his debut still resting on the floor waiting to be hung. She found the guest bedrooms with ease and she spent a good five minutes standing on the landing deciding if she should go into his bedroom or set herself up in a guest one.

She settled on a guest bedroom. If he was going to break things off, she didn’t want to know what his bed felt like or smell his clothes or take a shower in his bathroom.

Instead, she showered in the guest bath, washing off the plane smell that lingered on her body. She dressed in shorts and a tank top, letting her hair air dry since she would have to just re-style it for the premiere later. Jeff hadn’t told her what time Harry would be back and she was ravenous, so she wandered downstairs to fix herself some lunch. To fill the silence in the house she turned on The 1975, playing the music from her laptop she had open on the counter as she cooked some pasta she had found in the cabinet. As she ate at his dining table, she tried not to think about the fact that this could be the last time she was in a space of Harry’s. The last time she sat on things he had picked out, the last time she rooted through his fridge, past his obnoxious green juices and leftovers since he hated eating out if he didn’t have to. Her fingers brushed at her eyes, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks.

Reaching down for her fork to take another bite, she suddenly heard the lock click in the front door and the security system begin to beep.

He was home.

She slid her bowl away from her and turned to look at the doorway, waiting to see his face for the first time in over a week. And when he appeared, she couldn’t the return the stretched across his face at the sight of her in his house. He looked the same and somehow that was worse. In a nice shirt from interviews this morning, his hair slightly tossed from running his fingers through it, the sheen on his upper lip from the heat outside. He looked like her Harry, but she didn’t know if he was hers anymore.

“Y/N!” His voice rebounded off the walls, filling her heart with a kind of hope that was crushing.

“Hi,” was all she could muster before looking back down at her pasta. An anger rose in her, replacing the hurt that had lingered for so many days. How could he pretend like everything was okay? How could he smile at her like he hadn’t been ignoring her for days, too busy to even check and see how her flight was?

His footsteps were heavy on the hardwood floors as he made his way over to her. “Baby? What is it?”

“Do you want to break up?” She asked, her question hard compared to his kind, gentle, tentative tone.

“What?” Harry dropped into the seat caddy-corner to the chair she sat in. “What are you talking about?”

She pushed away her bowl and looked him dead in the eye. “I haven’t heard from you in days, Harry. Days. I flew halfway across the world for you and you couldn’t even manage to check-in to see if I was alive?”

He flinched at her words, eyes dropping to the table they sat at. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, words barely audible above her heart beating a mile a minute, pulsing with anger.

“That’s not going to cut it,” she told him, standing up and taking her bowl to the sink. “You fucking ghosted me like I was a girl you’d just met. We’re about to celebrate six months together. And you know what this shit does to me.”

And he did. She could see in his eyes that he knew he was in the wrong, and yet he was quiet. “I was busy.”

“So was I! But I still found two seconds to text you asking how it was going, I found fifteen minutes before bed to call you, and I kept trying even though you couldn’t even manage to reply to me. You’re not that busy, Harry.”

He stood too, walking over to where she stood in his kitchen so that he was a few paces away from her. “I was in and out of interviews from morning to night and when I wasn’t, I was with the cast who I haven’t seen in almost a year. And when I wasn’t doing that Jeff was harassing me about tour details or I was sleeping. I’m sorry if my schedule didn’t allow me to talk to you at every second of the day, Y/N, but this is a huge moment for me and I had to focus on that.” His words were measured, but she could feel the tension rising between them, words unsaid bubbling over.

“And your career is more important than our relationship.” She nodded sarcastically, wiping her wet palms on the dish towel and turning to face him. “Got it, heard loud and clear.”

“Fuck—you know it’s not!” His hand ran through his locks and down his face, struggling to get a handle on his breathing.

“Harry,” she said, trying not to yell, “I’m not going to force you to stay in a relationship that you don’t want to put the time in for. But you know exactly what I need from you—I have been very clear. You know my fears and my insecurities, and you know what triggers them. We had a plan for how to deal with this, and you completely disregarded it!” Her voice rose at the end, the fact that he couldn’t even meet her eyes pushing all of her buttons. “Fucking look at me when I talk to you!”

His eyes met hers and she didn’t see the Harry she knew, the Harry who cared for her, the soft, gentle man. Instead, she saw someone who was pissed off and hurt and grasping at straws. “I can’t dance around your fears every moment of the day,” he said, voice spitting anger. “And I’m sorry if that breaks one of your rules,” the word hitting her in the face, “but you’re going to have to get over it because I can’t spend every second of the day wondering if something I did or said has made you think I don’t care about you! You should know that I don’t want to hurt you, that of course I want to be with you!”

“Well, how am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me!” His words stabbed her right where it hurt, hitting her fears right in the heart.

Harry turned, his body facing the counter, fingers gripping the edge of the marble. He sucked in breath after breath trying to calm himself down and Y/N tried to find it within herself to have sympathy for him, but she just…couldn’t. She was so pissed off at him she couldn’t think straight.

“I’m not some girl waiting around for Harry Styles to come home, begging him to never leave me,” Y/N said. She was done. She was done with this fight, with him expecting her to be someone she wasn’t. “I’m me and I’m waiting for Harry, the person I care for so deeply it hurts—you are held to the same standards as every other guy, no matter how busy your schedule is. I should not be expected to fit into your schedule all the time. It goes both ways and you operated this week as if it was entirely my job to stay in touch with you. And I am not going to stay in a relationship like that.”

Harry’s head whipped to hers, eyes boring straight into her. “Are you saying you want to break up?”

Y/N tried to keep her head high, tried to hold back the tears. “If you’re going to do this when you’re on tour, I’m done. You know what I want—it’s the same thing I wanted from this relationship the moment I met you. You��re the only one who seems to think things have changed.” And with that, she stormed out of the room, which was probably petty but she didn’t care. She was so mad at him for his actions and his words that she couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him.

Harry didn’t follow her.

At 1 o’clock, a knock came on her door.

“If you still want to come, we have to leave for the premiere in an hour. It’s up to you.” And with that, he walked away, not even waiting for her to open the door.

She sat on the bed, considering her options. Did she go and support him anyway, pretend everything was fine? Or did she stay here—or maybe find a hotel—and leave him alone for the premiere?

He had told her how nervous he was about this. This was his first time on a movie red carpet as an actor and he was freaking out about it before he left, a ball of anxiety that she had to carefully untangle. The thought of him being up there alone pained her, despite how his hurtful words lingered in her head. That she had to get over it as if it was that simple.

The red dress she had bought for the premiere hung in the bathroom where she had left it while she showered so the wrinkles would leave the fabric. It was beautiful—a tiered taffeta skirt that cinched in at the waist, a caged bodice showing off her shoulders. When she had tried it on she had felt beautiful, powerful, as if she could take on anything and everything. She had spent a ton of money on the dress and she didn’t want to waste it.

So she got up, turning on BANKS and set about her hair and makeup in the bathroom, praising Hanna for teaching her how to do her makeup in college. She painted her lips red, in the shade that she adored wearing, and twisted up her hair into a chignon that emphasized her neck. Running her fingers along the skin she remembered when Harry had kissed it, but the love bite he had left behind was long healed. Was she asking too much of him? She wondered as she looked at herself in the mirror. Was he right, were her fears stifling him?

Then she remembered what Hanna had told her. That he wasn’t anyone different from other guys she had dated, and what she was asking from him wasn’t out of left field. Any guy she would date she would except to check in with her when he was traveling and Harry was no different, no matter what his job was.

Harry was waiting downstairs for her, probably having heard her rummaging around in the closet. When he heard her heels on the stairs, he looked up and his eyesight on her skin burned because he looked gorgeous. Maybe this was a horrible idea, she thought as she made her way towards him. She would have to touch him all night, look at him in his tailored suit, gaze into his green eyes as they were photographed on the red carpet.

“You look beautiful,” he said, words gravelly in his throat.

She stopped a few paces away from him. “Thanks.”

He fiddled with his keys, the silence stretching between them. “Thank you for coming with me. I know you have no reason to, but having you there…It means a lot.”

Instead of replying, because she didn’t have words for him, she just nodded. Because she did have a reason—even though she was mad at him, she still cared for him. Despite not wanting to, she still craved him giving her a kiss on the cheek as they walked out the door.

The drive to the red carpet was quiet, the radio playing softly in the background the only sound. They sat on either side of the backseat, Y/N staring out the window while Harry fiddled with his phone. She hadn’t been to London since she was 18 for her graduation present from her mom, and the city held warm memories for her. She wondered if that would change after today.

When they pulled up, an anxiety Y/N didn’t know she was holding started building, the sight of the photographers and the screams from the fans barricaded in. With all that had been happening, she had somehow forgotten what going to the premiere meant for her. Her eyes fell to Harry who was staring at her, trying to gauge her reaction. She had never done this before and he knew that.

“I’ll be with you the whole time,” he said, trying to calm her fears. “Promise.” It helped. At least she wouldn’t be completely alone. “Ready?” He stretched out a hand to her and she took it, letting him help her from the car.

The second her feet hit the pavement, the screams got louder. Fans with signs and their phones outstretched on either side of the wide red carpet, the word DUNKIRK in large white letters closest to the entrance to the theater. Harry’s hand gripped her as she stood, thankful for his body to help her keep balanced.

“Just smile as best you can,” he whispered in her ear as the car pulled away behind them. “And if your eyes start hurting from the flashes, just look at me, okay?”

Y/N nodded, and with his hand in hers, fingers entertained, they made their way down the carpet. He stopped a few times to take photos with fans and sign cards, but all that time he never strayed too far from Y/N’s side. With his arm securely wrapped around her waist, they stood for photos, Y/N trying to stand up as straight as she could and smile sweetly. Harry was a pro at this, a smile practiced for years, but she didn’t have the same experience. She was just a regular person who didn’t know which side was her bad side and had her eyes closed in half her photos.

The cameramen screamed questions at them, about their relationship, if they were married. They’d never quite publicly announced their relationship, Harry preferring to keep his private life private, so this was the first time they’d ever even publicly been out as a couple. And for it to be like this…Y/N hated it. She wanted to stand there and be utterly infatuated with Harry like she usually was, but this time her spine was rimrod straight, trying to keep her emotions in check. It was awkward, the way he tentatively touched her body, not wanting to overstep but also wanting to present the aura of normalcy.

Then they took a few steps and rotated to another set of cameras and Y/N understood what Harry had meant about her eyes hurting from the flashes. She turned her head to him and he found her eyes, giving her a wide smile meant just for her. Without thinking about it, her hand pressed to his suit right over his heart, the soft material of his suit jacket butter under her fingers. Then, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek, softly and sweetly and to most it wouldn’t have meant much. But to Y/N, it was the first time he had kissed her since she’d seen him. And the feeling of his lips on her skin lingered, a tingle moving through her body. Her hand gripped his back a little tighter and he just kept smiling at her, utterly entranced by her eyes.

Their bodies had betrayed them. To anyone who looked, they would have seen perfectly fine, not that they had been fighting only two hours ago. But they knew the reality, and this moment, their bodies close together and emotions running through them without being able to stop it, it made it clear that neither of them wanted to break up. They would just have to find a way to move through it.

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NEXT CHAPTER COMING JULY 11TH @ NOON CST

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nickiewrites · 4 years

Text

Perfect. (Chris Evans)

Type: Smut

Warnings: Swearing, sex

Words: 2,117

Pairing: Cevans x reader

Standing looking in the large mirror in the bedroom, smoothing out the dress on my body, wondering if it looked good or not. Tonight was a big night and I wanted to look perfect. I looked up and down a few times, thinking maybe my hair wasn’t put together right, my shoes didn’t match. All the thoughts about what could go wrong were mostly focused on the way I looked. Not a very good thought to have, but I couldn’t help it. I was about to change when I felt hands being placed at my sides from behind and lips being attached to my neck.

“You look amazing, angel.” Chris whispered, softly kissing the shell of my ear. I closed my eyes and shivered. “Absolutely perfect. Nothing less.”

“Thank you, love.” I said faintly. “I guess I look fine. I was going to go change but we don’t have time now.”

“Baby, why would you change? That’s my favorite dress on you! And it’s my big night, you want me to be sad on my big night?” He pouted. I turned around to face him, looking at how amazing he looked compared to me. He was effortlessly beautiful.

“No, no I don’t, I just want tonight to be perfect. But if you like this dress on me, I want you to be happy and i’ll stick with it.” I smiled, leaning up and pressing a deep kiss on his lips. I felt Chris deepen it, his hands cupping my cheeks to keep me there. I kissed him for a few more seconds, before trying to pull away. When I wasn’t released, I started to giggle against him, which made him pull back.

“What?” He smiled at me. “Come on, we gotta leave. Nothings going wrong tonight, remember?” I insisted. “Fine. But you’re getting it when we get home.” He eyed me up and down, before grabbing my hand and leading me to the car that was waiting outside.

-----

The car pulled up to the purple carpet, people, cameras, celebrities everywhere. I felt myself starting to be nauseous, just from being nervous. The car stopped and Chris opened the door, helping me out and grabbing my hand. Soon enough, cameras were snapping pictures and interviewers were pulling Chris away.

“I’m sorry angel, I have to go do this.” He said, looking at me with puppy dog eyes. “It’s okay love, I understand.” He smiled brightly and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. “Okay, baby. I’ll see you when we get ready to go inside.” He said, before jetting off. I smiled and turned to Scott and Zach, being thankful that Chris’ entire family was there.

It was about an hour and a half later when they started calling all of the stars to be seated inside the theater first. We made our way in the ginormous crowd, flooding towards the theater. Soon enough, I saw the bright blue suit and smiled. He pushed past a few people to make his way to us.

“Hi love, how were your interviews?” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist as he presses a kiss to my forehead. “They were good, sad that this is gonna be one of the last times we’re all together.” He said. “Awe, baby. It’ll be okay, I’m sure that you guys are all close enough, you’ll have plenty of more time together.” I insisted. He nodded at me. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, just don’t like change. Everything going perfect as you anticipated?” He questioned. “Yes, sir.” I laughed. He turned to me and lifted an eyebrow. “Sir?” He started to wiggle his eyebrows and I laughed more.

“Okay, and Mr. Evans, your family is being seated here.” The lady inside the theater walked us to our seats. “You’ll be here, right on the end, so that when we call you up, you’ll be right there. Next to you, mom and dad.” She gestured, everyone sitting down, both of Chris’ sisters sitting next to their parents, Zach following with Scott. “And next to Scott, will be you.” She pointed to me, not even saying my name, clearly printed on the sheet she was holding. I sighed, sitting down. Not that I minded sitting next to Scott, we were very close and I loved him like my own brother. And I was happy Chris was next to his parents. But being six people down from him, not even being able to communicate…

This was NOT how I imagined tonight going.

I felt Chris trying to lock eyes with me, leaning back and forth but I ignored it, pretending to look around and see everyone and their families fill the auditorium. Scott tried to have a conversation with me but my mind was just somewhere else. I felt my phone buzz in my lap.

Chris: I’m sorry, angel, I didn’t know they would do this.

Me: It’s fine, I know it wasn’t you.

Chris: Then why won’t you even look at me?

Me: Because what’s the point, we can’t even talk, are we just going to stare at each other and use telepathy??

Chris: Oh stop, no but I would at least like to look at your beautiful face🥰

Me: Well that’s too bad, because it probably won’t look too pretty with a frown on it.

I dropped my phone in my lap and felt it vibrate about a hundred more times but continued to ignore it. It didn’t stop until everyone was called up before the movie started. I leaned my head in my hand and sighed, just wanting this ruined night to be over. Soon enough tho, the movie started. It was going to be a long 3 hours.

I had actually gotten really into the movie that I hadn’t even noticed that Chris had gotten up from his seat, until I felt another vibrate from my phone. Without pulling my eyes away from the screen, I pulled it up and unlocked it. My eyes finally dropped down to the screen.

Chris: Tell Scott you’re going to the bathroom and go to the family bathroom on the opposite side.

I scrunch my face at the text, looking around. I locked my phone and tapped Scott on the shoulder, letting him know where I was going to. I snuck past everyone and ran down the stairs. I walked quickly through the hall, searching for the bathroom from the text. I turned the hard corner and found the door. I barely knocked on it when the door flung open and Chris pulled me in, locking the door behind me.

He quickly attached his lips to mine, his hands digging into my sides. I stumbled back a little, realizing where we were. I started to break away from the kiss, trying to speak.

“Baby- uh, Chris.. We… we can’t- love, we’re in the bathroom.” I whimpered out, hickies being sucked into my neck. As they got harder and further down my body, I lost my sense of my surroundings. I started to give into the pleasure my body was receiving.

“It’s okay, angel. No one’s going to find us.” He whispers in my ear, biting my lobe and sucking it into his mouth. A loud moan escapes my mouth, Chris smirks and reaches for my back, unzipping my dress and letting it fall to the floor.

“We don’t have much time for foreplay baby, i’m sorry, i’ll make-” “I don’t care.” I interrupt him and crash my lips into his, pushing him back to the opposite wall. He smiles into the kiss and removes his jacket, throwing it on top of my dress. He unbuttons his shirt but doesn’t take it totally off, pulling his tie to the side so I can at least feel his skin. I run my hands up his hairy chest and look up at him, smiling.

“I love you angel, i’m sorry tonight didn’t go how you planned.” Chris whispered. “Well, it’s looking up now… among other things.” I smirked and looked down at his erection. I undid his belt and pants as fast as possible and pulled them to the floor. I palmed him through his boxers. He groaned as his head fell back and his eyes rolled. “Fuck, princess, c’mon, no foreplay, rememeber?” I giggled, kissing him again. He used it as an opportunity to flip us around, my back landing on the cool wall. Chris pulled his boxers down just below his dick and grabbed onto my hips, keeping me steady as he lowered himself just enough to slip inside me. We groaned at the same time.

“I forget how tight you are, baby, almost like you get tighter and tighter everyday.” Chris moans and lowers his head into my neck, sucking lightly but biting hard every so often. I grab onto the back of his neck as he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, pumping faster and faster inside me.

“Chris, baby- harder. I need you deeper.” I mumbled in his ear. His grip on my waist got harder as he pumped faster, knocking me against the wall. It wasn’t comfortable but I didn’t care at the moment. “Anything you want, princess, but i’ll warn you, I won’t last long.” He said, kissing my cheek. He went slow a few times before speeding up again, which made my pussy ecstatic. I moaned so loud, I was pretty sure the entire building could hear. “I don’t care, love. Fill me up with your cum, so far up my puss. Send me back to your family and friends, with your cum dripping out of me, just like the little slut I am, just for you baby.” I moaned in his ear. I knew that got him going, feeling his thrusts start to get almost sloppy as he tried to near the end. His hand slipped down between my legs and started scissoring my clit in between his fingers. “Is that helping, sweetheart?” He asked softly and I nodded vigorously. “No princess, use your words.” Chris egged me on. “Yes, Chris, it’s helping.. a lot” I moan, his hands resituating themselves in my pants, his thumb landing on my small bundle of nerves, rubbing it in a circle.

“Ah ah ah, yes, who?”

“Daddy…” I moan, feeling the burning in my stomach.

“That’s it. Are you almost there, babygirl? Are you gonna cum with my big, fat, cock inside you?” He hissed. “Ugh, fuck yes, daddy, i’m gonna cum, please, cum with me.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and started biting and sucking his ear, knowing it drives him nuts. “Oh fuck, jesus, baby girl. Ready?” “Yes, daddy.” Chris came a little before I did but I followed suit shortly. Chris continued to pump lightly into me, making sure nothing came out. After about 2 minutes, he finally pulled out, quickly replacing it with his fingers as I whined at the loss of him. He gave me a soft kiss on the lips, before moving to my cheeks and repeatedly kissing them. I giggled and pulled his hands out of my panties.

“Come on, silly. We’ve been gone for at least 10 minutes, they probably know we weren’t just going to the bathroom.” I grabbed his jacket off my dress and handed it to him as he situated his pants. I grabbed the large gown off the germ infested ground and pulled it up my body. I waited until Chris was done and turned so he could zip me back up.

“This is now doubly my favorite on you and it should be yours as well.” He said while zipping me up, kissing my shoulder blades. I smiled and turned around. “Always, love. Now come on, let’s go.” I said, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him out of the bathroom and down the hall back to the theater. We walked up the stairs, Chris helping me. I turned to look at him, smiling slightly, knowing we were going to be separated again. I shuffled past everyone to my seat next to Scott but when I turned around to sit down, Chris was right behind me, gesturing for his family to shuffle down so he could be next to me.

We plopped down and I turned to whisper to him, “You didn’t have to do that, make your family go through all the trouble, I'm okay now.”

“No, angel, it’s okay. It’s my night and I wanna be with my girl. It’s no trouble.” He smiled, wrapping his arm around me. I leaned in, conforming to his side. He leaned into my ear.

“Remember thought, princes, you’re still getting more tonight.”

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k-writesthings · 4 years

Text

Early Mornings

I wrote this because I’m in the mood for some happy Levi Content, especially after Chapter 133, where my man is just BROKEN.

(Also this is x Reader because I want to try my hand at writing these, please let me know what you think!)

(And it’s first person because I’m not comfortable writing second person yet)

Word Count: 1655

Warnings: Cussing, Intimate Touching (SFW)

The soldiers of the Survey Corps had either seen too much or not enough. There was no in-between, because just one Titan attack would change the cockiest bastard into a war-weary soldier. That’s what happened to me, and that’s what happened to every other scout, too. With that sudden shift came night terrors, hallucinations, and shell shock. You’d be lucky to wake up and not be in a cold sweat after seeing, smelling, and hearing what I and so many others have. It plagued you, haunting your dreams, your thoughts, your life. And often, you couldn’t escape.

But sometimes, when you were safe…

You could forget.

Lazy mornings would help me forget. The memories that weighed on my conscience would slip away, melting into the seams of what I understood as I snuggled under the covers. The warm morning light cascading over my face would remind me of where I was and nothing else. A warm body next to me would let me know that I am loved. And I was alive, carefree even, for however long we were nestled beneath those blankets.

This was one of those mornings. A particularly nasty dream roused me, yanking me from my sleep like a fish caught on a line. It was shocking and sent my senses into overdrive, making me gasp for air as my eyes shot open. And then I realized. I wasn’t in danger, not at that moment. And I wouldn’t be, not for a while.

My fear subsided quickly, dissolving into a low hum of adrenaline that was guaranteed to keep me awake. The air was chilly and there was a slight draft in the room, probably from small gaps in the old walls. I yanked the covers up and over my shoulders and shifted to my side to keep out the cool air. I was faced by the man sleeping beside me, causing me to lose interest in my slightly cold shoulders. His sleeping face was a look of pure peace, something I would never see grace his features otherwise. Always worried about something or another, always stern and expressionless; that was the way Levi went about his everyday life. And while I knew he wasn’t actually an uncaring bastard, mornings like these proved his humanity, and made me love him even more.

I rarely woke up before Levi. He was an insomniac and usually only stayed asleep for about three hours. It was a blessing whenever he slept until after sunrise. He was also a lot more tolerant of everyone and everything when he slept for a healthy amount of time. That meant less stress for him and more sleep the next night. That cycle might continue for a couple days or maybe even a week, and I’d love to just see him well-rested and calm. But mostly, my favorite thing was waking him up when he slept in.

Today, Erwin had planned a meeting with Premiere Zackly about funding for the Regiment, and then Hange scheduled a training session for our three respective squads. As much as I didn’t want to wake Levi, I knew I had to. I glanced outside to get a feel for the general time. The sun was already ascending into the sky and the rays danced across his skin in time with a wind-blown tree that stood outside our window. A small smile played on my lips as I brushed some stray locks of hair away from his eyes, which were still closed. My fingers wandered to the back of his head as I scratched the short hair of his undercut. He let out a soft, unconscious groan at the touch.

Surprisingly, Levi craved physical affection, just not in public. But, when we were alone and in bed, he was usually touching me in some way. Whether it was just resting his foot against my leg, or cradling me close to his chest, there was almost always contact. While I wasn’t complaining, I quickly realized this was because of a lack of affection in his childhood. Much like with his obsessive cleaning stemming from growing up in dirt and squalor, he needed affection to make up for what he didn’t have in the Underground. And I was always happy to provide it.

I peeled back the comforter a bit to expose Levi’s shoulders and back, marred by bruises and areas rubbed raw from his frequent use of the ODM Gear. I leaned over and pressed kisses along the strap indents. We both loved when the other would pay specific attention to these areas, and it was how Levi usually woke me up. I was just returning the favor. As I continued my affectionate assault on his purple and red skin, his breathing began to quicken, and I could tell he was waking up.

“Hey, baby.” I whispered into his ear and pressed a kiss to his temple. He groaned again and I felt his hand come up to stroke the small of my back. “I can’t believe you slept so long. I almost didn’t wake you, but Erwin planned that meeting at noon.”

Levi’s eyes opened slowly and met mine, his icy grey irises cutting me to my very core. He closed them again and tugged my body closer to him, nestling his head into the crook of my neck.

“Damn Titan-sized bastard…” He spoke lowly, his voice sending vibrations through my chest. I giggled at the sensation and brought a hand up to rub the back of his head again. Levi sighed in contentment before he pulled away and looked me in the eye. “Did you sleep well?”

“As well as I ever do, I guess. I can’t stop seeing last month’s expedition in my dreams, but that always seems to happen.” My voice shook as my thoughts suddenly ventured to that shit-show. It was the highest amount of casualties we’d had that year. There was a sudden fog bank, which separated my squad from the rest of the Regiment. We-

“(Y/N).” Levi’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. His hand was resting on my cheek as I met his eyes again. He still looked stern, but there was a specific sense of concern lacing his features. “Don’t think about that right now. There was nothing you could do.”

I let out a quick, huffing chuckle as I leaned my forehead against his. “I’ll never understand how you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Read my thoughts.”

The tiniest smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. “It’s cute that you think it’s hard. You have an expressive face.”

I rolled my eyes at Levi’s teasing and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. They were usually chapped and rough, but I had been making him put on a salve before he went to bed to save his perfectly kissable lips. They were nice and soft against mine, now, as he deepened the kiss. Without breaking our connection, I flipped Levi onto his back and straddled his waist, cupping his face in my hands as my tongue broke through his slightly parted lips. He moaned softly and grasped my waist. I felt his lips quirk up in a smirk against mine and savored the moment with him, knowing I wouldn’t get to touch him like this for almost twelve hours.

I reluctantly pulled away from our make-out session and listened to Levi’s heavy breathing. My eyes slowly opened, though I didn’t realize I had closed them in the first place. Levi’s eyes were still closed and there was a deep blush on his usually pale cheeks. I smiled, knowing I was the only one who could do that to him. I rolled off of him and laid against his side, resting my ear against his chest to listen to his thumping heartbeat.

“Levi?” I raised my head to look him in the eye. He was still blushing.

“Mmm?”

“You’re blushing. I made you blush, Captain.” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.

His blush deepened (if that was even possible) and he averted his eyes from my face. “Tch, shut up. I could make you blush.”

I raised my eyebrows in faux surprise. “Could you now? I don’t blush at much, you know.” Of course he could make me blush, but I was just having fun messing with him.

In a flash, he was straddling me and leaning down to trail his tongue along my collarbone. The sensation sent sparks to my stomach. But, instead of my face heating up, I just felt the need to laugh.

“Levi! You’re just tickling me!” I cackled as he continued his assault. He grunted against my skin and he suddenly switched to sucking and biting at different parts of my neck. And that did make me blush, but also sent waves of panic through me. Before he could do too much damage, I shoved him off of me and leapt off the bed, running to the bathroom.

“(Y/N)?” I heard Levi call from the bedroom as he followed after me. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my neck. It already was becoming mottled with purple bruises. Groaning, I dropped my head against the glass. Levi put a hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him.

“You got fucking marks on my neck, you bastard.” I leaned into him and buried my face in the crook of his neck. “I can’t hide this shit, you know that! And we have to see so many people today. You’re the worst.” I mumbled into his skin.

His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I expected an apology to grace those dastardly lips and I awaited it eagerly.

“I still made you blush.”

“Oh, you fucker.”

I wasn’t the only one with a marks on my neck after that comment.

(Alright, that made me feel better. Idk about anyone else, but I’ve always kind of headcanonned Levi as super submissive in bed because he craves contact. This was based off some rumor that Yams had said it in an interview, and I honestly think it’s really perfect for Levi. But that’s just me!)

(This was honestly just to indulge myself, but pleas don’t worry! I have not forgotten about my requests. They are on their way!)

(Also, please request more Levihan I love them)

#shingeki no kyojin #snk #levi ackerman #levi snk #levi aot #attack on titan #levi attack on titan #x reader #levi x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #aot #aot x reader #fanfic #fanfiction

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anotheronechicagobog · 3 years

Text

The Crackship Sails to Molly’s - Hailey Upton x Kim Burgess - Strain

written by @anotheronechicagobog

Instead of her alarm clock, it was the sound of retching in the bathroom that woke Kim up. She sighed, pinching her brows together. She didn’t need to ask why Hailey didn’t wake her up when she wasn’t feeling well, she’d been dating her long enough to know the answer. She grabbed a glass of water, a ginger ale from the fridge and a hair tie from their dresser. After tying back Hailey’s knotted and sweaty hair she sat on the bathtub next to her, rubbing her back. “Do you think you’re well enough to try some water? A ginger ale? We should get some fluids into you.”

“I’m-”

“And don’t you dare say that you’re ‘fine’.”

“... Let me wash out the taste of vomit in my mouth and then I’ll try the ginger ale.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Hailey, you know that-”

“No, I really just... Thank you. For taking care of me, for loving me, for everything. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

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The ginger ale did not help, nor did the medicine she’d been able to keep down. Her fever spiked, she was so flushed her skin was an irritated pink, she’d gotten dizzy, and she started to hallucinate a talking dog wearing a lion costume. Kim had managed to corral her into the car but nothing, not even Dr. Choi when they got to MED, could calm her down. Her fiance was getting sicker and sicker and nothing was going to be able to quell the panic and fear inside of her. So she sat at Hailey’s beside, curled up in an awful chair, letting her tears flow freely as she cradled the hand of her unconscious soulmate. “Hey, Kim. I got your text. And pizza for you.”

“Pizza, Jay? Really?”

“Hailey would maim me if she found out I didn’t take care of you when she couldn’t. Seriously, we actually made a pact. So eat your food, drink this bottle of water and get ready to be fussed over. She’s gonna make it.”

“How do you know?”

“She’s my best friend, we’ve been through so much together that there’s no other option for me. She’s going to make it, she has to.”

“She has to.”

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Hailey had woken up the next day, but only momentarily. She’d mumbled something about dancing tulips and promptly passed out again. Kim and Jay laughed lightly at her expense, but they were mostly just relieved that she was getting better. Her fever was down and according to Dr. Choi that was really good news. They wouldn’t be able to tell if the dizziness or nausea had dissipated until she woke up, but the fact that she was waking up was amazing. She’d caught a nasty strain of the flu, it was so bad and unusual that the CDC had to get involved. Study her treatment, interview close friends, get samples from Hailey. The works. They were actually starting to get pretty concerned about all the blood tests and tissue samples they needed when Will showed up with an explanation, the strain of flu that Hailey has isn’t from the U.S. so it was slightly different than the strains they’re used to treating, at that point they were just trying to determine where it was from and if they needed to be concerned about an outbreak.

So Kim and Jay calmed down a bit. They were still worried, but having Will there to decipher all of the doctor speak, it was a little easier. When her fever broke they were approached by one of the CDC doctors who had been observing Hailey’s case. They could both tell from the look on her face that this was not going to be a pleasant conversation. “Detectives Burgess and Halstead, I’m afraid I have bad news. We have determined the origin of the strain that has infected Detective Upton. It’s from England, and it’s a unique strain because it appears to have been formed overtime from a few different strains from different countries, not uncommon in people who travel frequently without adequate vaccinations. We have determined a course of action, but unfortunately might be too late. The antibiotics that she needs need to start being taken within 72 hours. It’s been 61. And the closest antibiotics we could get are in London, England. It’s an eight hour flight and they have to go through customs and the FDA and they just might not get here in time. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She can’t- Why- No-” Tears were streaming down Kim’s face and she fell back into her chair. “This can’t be happening, we’re supposed to be together, have more time together. More time. Just a little more time, please.” Jay was standing beyond Kim’s chair, watching with a fractured soul as she stroked his best friend’s face and begged her to wake up. When suddenly, it dawned on him. “Dr. Tamara, do the antibiotics have to arrive on a commercial plane?”

“Well, no, but a private plane wouldn’t be faster and would cost a lot more money.”

“What about a military plane?” Hope was starting to creep into his desperate features, and instead of meeting sorrowful silence, he was met with mirroring spirits. “I don’t have those kinds of connections to make that happen, but if you do that would absolutely work.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay managed to get the antibiotics on a military passenger/cargo flight from London to Chicago, almost halving the time everything would’ve taken. Kim hadn’t stopped hugging and thanking him since he got off the phone with an air force buddy he’d done a couple of operations with while he was in the rangers. The meds had been given with four hours to spare, so now both detectives were just a pile of nerves, antsy to see Hailey open her eyes. “For the last time Kim, you don’t need to thank me. Hailey’s important to me too, okay? I haven’t been holding onto that ring for her for the past four months for nothi- Shit.”

“... Ring?”

“Yes.”

“An engagement ring?”

“Yeah.” Kim turned back to the love of her life, happiness shining through for the first time in days, “you better wake up, Hailey Ann Upton. How am I gonna say ‘yes’ if you don’t even ask me?”

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Hailey woke up, and was lucid. Kim and Jay were trying so hard not to overwhelm her. So when Intelligence and firehouse 51 had stopped by they just smiled gratefully and accepted all of the get-well-soon gifts that were offered and sending everyone on their way. When Jay re-entered the hospital room after accepting a batch of cookies and containers of lasagna from the ever angelic Cindy Hermann, he found Kim and Hailey curled up in bed together. Smiling, whispering and just enjoying being in each other’s arms again. Kim blushed at his chuckles and Hailey grinned sheepishly. “I needed a cuddle from my favourite girl, Jay, what can I say?”

“She gave me her puppy-dog eyes. I had no choice.”

“Yeah,” he looked at Kim meaningfully, implying her to remember their conversation about Hailey’s not-so-secret intentions, “you didn’t really stand a chance.”

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Jay dropped the two women off at their apartment a week later after Hailey had finally been discharged. “Thanks for dropping us off Jay, I appreciate it. And Hailey, you still have to take it easy, I’ll go put your hospital bag away and order some food and after Jay heads out we’ll have a Mamma Mia! Marathon, okay?”

“Alright, well my work here is almost done then.” He was met with two sets of raised eyebrows, so he turned his teasing smirk to his partner. “Someone has to make sure you don’t get up unsupervised while Kim’s in the other room.”

“Smart thinking, Halstead.”

“Hey! I’m capable of taking care of myself.” Kim jogged to the bedroom in a fit of laughter, leaving Hailey and Jay alone for a few moments. Jay leaned his body out to look down the hallway and make sure that Kim was out of earshot before he turned back to Hailey. She looked better than she did before, her pallor was back to normal, her eyes were vibrant, and she was glowing in happiness and relief, though her movements were still lapsed and slow. Jay reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the navy velvet ring box and placed it into her confused but waiting hand. “I accidentally let it slip when you were in the hospital. You should’ve seen her face when she caught on, she loves you. So much, and if these past couple of weeks have taught us anything, it’s that you don’t have the time you think you do. Ask her, she’ll say yes. I guarantee it.” After a one-armed hug with a shocked Hailey, Jay shouted a goodbye to Kim before taking his leave.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’d finished the first movie and were about to put in the second, but Hailey hadn’t even noticed, she’d spent most of that time staring at Kim.

“Hails? Are you okay? Do I need to call Dr. Tamara?”

“I... I’ve tried writing speeches and planning exactly what to say, but I can’t because you’re too amazing to capture with words. Nothing ever seems good enough. And I have to be honest, I love that, because it means that I love you so much I can’t even fully comprehend it. And I know that you feel the same way, too. Kim, will you marry me?”

Hailey revealed the box from behind her and opened it up to show her the ring. Her heart was hammering in chest so hard and she just couldn’t force her eyes away from Kim’s face and the wistful tears accumulating in her eyes that mixed with the beaming smile she just loved to see.

“Yes!”

#One Chicago #Chicago PD #chicago med #hailey upton #kim burgess #jay halstead #will halstead #hailey upton x kim burgess

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littledrummeraussie · 5 years

Text

my sweet escape.

Word count: 3400+ Author’s Note: I fell in a hole and I couldn’t get out. Haven’t written anything in a long while. Then Ashton happened. So now I’m just enjoying the ride.

masterlist.

Mornings like this didn’t happen often. They were few and far between, and usually lasted only 3 days – if we were lucky. There was always scheduling, messages back and forth, phone calls, notes left on bedside tables, if one of us had to leave sooner than we intended.

And yet – we ended up in the same place every single time he arrived in New York City.

My eyes were still closed when I’ve felt Ashton start stirring behind me, pushing his chest against my back, sneaking a long arm around me to pull me closer. He mumbled something as he pushed his face into my neck, then taking a deep breath as he nuzzled my hair. Moments like this made me wish these were our regular mornings.

”You were saying?” I whispered, not wanting to break the silence that engulfed us in the perfect little bubble that was our hotel room.

”Feels nice,” he hummed with a content little sigh. ”Smells nice, too.”

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking against the light that filtered through the gap between the still drawn curtains. Time didn’t exist when we were like this, tangled up and close to each other; at least, that’s what we’ve pretended.

My eyes found the hand that was resting on my waist, the knuckles slightly bruised from drumming every night. The moon tattoos were half-hidden by the sheets, the red inking a nice contrast against the white bedding. I’ve followed the shape of his arm, the curve of his shoulder as I’ve slowly turned around, eyes landing on the hollow of his neck for a moment, then shifting to the brown curls falling over his forehead.

The last time we were here Ashton still had red hair, the color slowly fading to pink. We’ve spent the better part of the night cooped up in the bathroom, the red dye slowly working its magic as we’ve sat on the tiled floor crossed-leg, knees bumping together, fingers tracing patterns on arms and palms. It was the longest 45 minutes of our lives, and Ash gave up on drying his hair afterwards, the water running down his neck painting the pillows different shades of red and pink. He paid a few extra dollars for the ruined pillows when he have left.

I’ve wrapped a stray curl around my finger, brushing it behind his ear. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, eyelashes fluttering as he once again nuzzled closer, making it clear that he intends to stay like this for as long as he can. My fingers slid into his hair at the nape of his neck, stroking the tangled curls, and wondered if he will really go through with his plan, and next time it will be the black locks I will be tugging at when we spend the night together.

”You’re staring,” he said, opening one hazel eye.

”You’re beautiful,” I smiled back, tracing my finger down his jaw. He scrunched up his face, dimples appearing as he huffed at me.

”You always say that.”

”It’s always true.”

Ashton shook his head, but couldn’t help the smile on his face. He sneaked his arms around me, moving both us and the sheets around until we were pressed up close in our blanket cocoon. His forehead and nose were pressed against mine, lips hovering an inch above my lips, barely brushing them together.

The moment was broken by a faint buzzing coming from the small livingroom, soon to be followed by a quiet tune. Ashton sighed deeply, burying his face in my neck. The alarms set on our phones meant that we had only one hour left.

”I really don’t wanna go,” he said, pushing himself up, and rolling off of me.

”I guess you can’t make the others stay a little bit longer,” I half-asked, half-said as I wrapped the sheet around myself.

”We have already delayed the departure,” Ashton shrugged next to me.”They would understand, but we’re on a tight schedule. We really have to leave if we want to make it to Boston.”

”Tell me about schedules,” I sighed, sitting up next to him and reaching for his discarded shirt on the floor.

Ash watched me shaking the black shirt out, pulling it over my head, tugging at the sleeves and the hem until the fabric and his scent wrapped around me like a hug. Goodbyes and see-you-soons were the worst parts of it all – reality came back crashing down on us, dissolving the illusion we have built around us from dusk till dawn.

Long distance lovers? Friends with benefits? Simply fuck buddies? Even we didn’t know what we were. It started a few years ago, we’ve got to know each other because of a friend of a friend, and ended up in a hotel room for two days straight. We didn’t give much thought to it, we just liked each other enough to want to spend some time together. But it turned out to be much more than that. In those few hours, when we’ve shut the world out and switched off our phones, we felt like we could be really us.

The first time was followed by a second and a third, and after that it wasn’t even a question anymore to meet up whenever he came to New York. We’ve worked around our schedules, his shows, performances and interviews, booked into a hotel room, and spent as much time together as we could. Sometimes it was just a few hours. Other times he could manage a few days without one of the guys banging on the door to remind him of a flight they have to catch. Sometimes it was only passion – skin on skin, lips and teeth and nails, breathless laughs and sweaty bodies. Sometimes it was junk food and cuddles on the couch, sharing stories, being honest, letting go and crying, or just simply catching up on some much needed sleep.

Time passed, but no matter what we did, or where we were in our lives, we always ended up in a hotel room, sharing concerns, fears and kisses. It was our getaway, an escape from life, people and the constant buzzing of Ashton’s phone. The guys learned not to bother him in those hours – they let their drummer take some time off, as long as he arrived at the time and place they’ve agreed upon. He was never late; which also meant he could never stay long enough.

Ashton still watched me as I’ve got out of bed, stepped to the window, and pulled the curtains back to look outside. I could see the tour bus not far away, with a few fans lingering around the hotel’s front, hoping they could catch their favourites for a few minutes. The band usually stayed on their bus during the tour, but they made an exception when they came to the City – nobody knew the real reason. Ashton and I always made sure to come and go at different times – long before the other arrived, or hours after they’ve left. We didn’t need the fans to connect us to each other. Wasn’t that the reason why Ash liked our little meetings? No strings attached, no questions asked by the fans, and the more time he could focus on his music with the guys.

I’ve turned around just in time to watch him get out of bed, rummaging through his bag for clean clothes, collecting the ones lying on the floor and packing them away. He eyed the shirt I was wearing, and I knew he was calculating his options – take it back or leave it? My stomach flipped: how many more shirts will he leave in hotel rooms? How many other girls were out there, waiting for his name to pop up on their phone screen, waiting to be his getaways for the night?

”Hey, are you okay?” he asked, taking a few steps towards me, and closing the distance between us. He still wasn’t wearing a shirt.

”Do I need to give this back?” I asked him in return, playing with the hem of the shirt, wrinkling it between my fingers.

”Of course not. Why?” he tried to stop my hand, but I pulled away.

”I don’t know… so you have enough to leave around with all your other girlfriends,” I’ve shrugged, casting a gaze over my shoulder to look at the fans still waiting outside the hotel.

”What the fuck are you talking about?” he frowned, grabbing my elbow to bring my attention back to him. ”Hey, Y/N!”

”It’s okay,” I gave him a forced smile, casting my eyes away once again. ”I– I would understand. I know I can’t expect you to have only me around. I mean, your life is crazy enough, and I– it’s okay if there are other girls. We’ve never talked about being exclusive, and you have every right to fool around with other girlfriends wherever you go.”

”You’re not making any sense,” Ashton shook his head while letting go of me. ”Why are you like this? Did something happen?”

When I’ve failed to answer, he huffed out some curse words, ran his fingers through his hair, and turned around. He was getting desperate and anxious, I could see it in the way his shoulders tensed up, how he was walking the length of the carpet back and forth. He finally turned back when he reached the other side of the room, fingers laced together behind his neck, eyes searching the ceiling. He let out a deep breath, held his arms out, then dropped them at his side.

”I can’t do this,” he looked at me. ”I’m leaving in 40, and I– whatever.”

Ashton looked defeated, when I didn’t try to speak up. He furiously grabbed the first shirt from his bag, and left to the bathroom to get ready. I hated seeing him like this; I hated that I made him feel like this. Was I even right? Or did I just make it all up in my head? I’ve never seen him hurt like this before, like I’ve questioned the most basic trait that made him him. That made him Ashton.

I slowly stepped towards the bathroom, listening to the running water. The door was ajar, so I pushed it open inch by inch. He was just finising up washing his face, and reaching for the comb resting on the shelf when our eyes met in the mirror. His hazel eyes were full of hurt and questions, and it took everything in me not to look away once again. He deserved an explanation – and if I couldn’t do it eye-to-eye, the least he deserved was this way; maybe the mirror made it easier to come clean about what was going on. He didn’t ask any questions, even though I knew he wanted to. He just looked away again, when I continued to stand there silently.

”Did you know…” I’ve started quietly, then cleared my throat, and continued a little louder. ”Did you know that I’m always counting the days in between our meetings? How many days have gone by, how much do I have to sleep before I see you again…”

He was leaning against the sink, still not looking at me, but clearly listening to what I wanted to say. My eyes were searching him, his posture, the way his muscles flexed, the dark inks paiting his skin. Did he know how special he was? How much he deserved? How much I loved him, and how that was breaking my heart?

”Every time you leave… every time you walk out of that door,” I leaned against the doorframe, casting my gaze down at the tiles. ”Every time you walk out of that door, I fear it’s the last time I’ll see you. That by the next time you come back to New York, you will have someone waiting for you back at home. Not just a… not just a friend, or whatever I am to you. But a real girlfriend. That between the now and the then you will meet someone who will be able to give you everything, and much, much more than I ever could. That you will find someone else to share your throughts and secrets with. That I will never be able to spend a few hours just with you to have a good cry, or to talk about the things that are bothering us…”

”Would that be so terrible?” Ashton asked finally, lifting his head to look back at me from the mirror. ”Finding someone? Both of us moving on, and finding people in our lives we care about?”

”I don’t want to lose what I have with you,” I met his gaze in the mirror. ”I don’t want to lose you. But every time we say goodbye, I fear it’s the last time. And I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Not just now.”

”You know, you could have been more honest with me,” he sighed, tapping the side of the sink with his fingers. ”I’ve thought that’s what we did with each other. Could have told me sooner.”

”I’m being honest now,” I shrugged one shoulder, trying to pretend that I didn’t know how much I’ve screwed this up.

Ashton sighed again, dipping his head for a moment, then turned around, and leaned back against the sink. We were silently watching each other, both barefoot, the few steps between us like miles. Then Ashton pushed himself away from the sink, coming closer until his toes brushed against mine. He towered over me, so I had to look up, up, up, till I could look into his eyes.

”Did you know that I’m also counting the days whenever I know we are coming here?” he finally asked, leaning a little bit closer, only stopping when our hips touched. ”That I’m willing to do all kinds of stupid things for the guys just so I get to spend a few more hours with you?”

He slowly moved a hand to my elbow, running his fingers down my arm until he touched my fingers, then interlocked them. I lightly squeezed his hand in return, waiting for him to continue.

”You’re afraid of losing me – but I’m just as afraid of losing you. How could I expect you to wait for me? I’m gone for months, there is no fixed date when I can say that I’ll be here. You have every right to leave my sorry ass behind, and find yourself a guy who is actually around.”

”Ash–”

”Please, just… just let me finish,” he sighed again. ”You’ve told me that you’re scared I will find someone else, but did you ever wonder why I’ve never really had a real girlfriend in the last few years? It’s because I didn’t need one – it’s because I had you. I knew you like me enough, but I wasn’t sure you would want to be a part of the crazy life I have. That you would be up to dealing with all the fans and people following you as well, asking questions about you. I’ve kept you a secret, because I’ve thought that’s what you wanted. I wanted to ask you so many times to be officially mine, but… it just never felt right. There was always something going on that kept me from doing it.”

His eyes were searching me as he once again leaned closer, resting his forehead against mine. My hands sneaked around him, resting on his hips, as Ashton’s moved up my arms, cupping my face in his large hands. We were so, so close. It was intimate. It was terrifying.

”There are three things in this life that I can’t live without, that I love more than anything else in this world,” he whispered, never taking his eyes off of me. ”My family. My band. And you. You kept me going so many times. You kept me sane when things were starting to get crazy. You might think you didn’t do anything, but you being here with me – it’s everything to me. Listening to me, keeping my secrets, letting me be who I really am. Giving me the option to get away, to have a place where I can escape and just breath. You are that to me.”

”Am I late with making this up to you?” I asked him, bringing my hands up to his face to mirror him.

”You could never be,” he shook his head, a barely there smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

I’ve pushed myself up a little on my tiptoes, and brushed my lips against his. It only took a second for Ashton to press his lips fully against mine and kiss me with all the passion, all the love and hurt he felt in that moment. He nudged his tongue against my lips, running it along mine, making it harder to breath. I felt dizzy, lost in his touch, his hands on my face, his body pressed against mine, his kiss deep and passionate. When he finally pulled away from me, we were both gasping for air.

”Move in with me,” whispered Ashton breathlessly. ”Come to LA and move in with me. I can’t leave you like this – not again, not anymore. Let’s stop pretending that we are okay with spending only a few days together, and start being honest. I know you want us to be together. And this way I can make sure you will never think about other girls wearing my shirts,” he added with cheeky smile, while tugging at the hem of the shirt I was wearing.

”I’m so stupid,” I said, burying my face in his neck.

”Yes, you are,” he agreed.

”Fuck you,” I muttered against his chest, for which he grabbed my hips and pulled me closer.

”I much prefer doing that to you,” he kissed my temple, his lips and teeth lingering against my ear, giving me little nibbles and kisses.

We were running out of time, yet we stood in the bathroom door, tangled up in a hug and hundreds of kisses. Then the moment came, and we needed to pull away from each other. Ashton finished up getting ready, packing away everything from the hotel room he left around in the previous days. He set down next to me on the bed as he tied the laces on his shoes, giving a squeez to my knee when he was done. Then he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a shiny silver key.

”Are you sure about this?” I asked him, as he put the key in my open palm, and closed both of our hands around it.

”I’m sure about you,” he kissed my lips, and then my hands. ”If you feel like this is too much, or too soon, you can take all the time you need to think it through. But if you feel like you want this as much as I do, then you can just pack your life up in here, and move in. I wouldn’t mind coming back from tour to my favourite girlfriend.”

”You know it’s not that easy,” I smiled at him, reaching for his hand, holding onto it. ”But I want to give us this chance.”

”I would really love that,” Ashton smiled back at me, barely fighting off his toothy grin.

There was a loud bang on the door the same time as Ashton’s alarm went off. It was followed by two more bangs, the guys taking turns in reminding him that it was time to leave for the next stop of their tour. Ashton grabbed my hips and pushed me down on the bed, giving me one last kiss as he hovered above me.

”You know I’m just a phone call away. Or a message. Or a Snapchat,” he chuckled, rubbing his nose against mine.

”So am I,” I smiled back at him, tugging on his leather jacket. ”Go, get them, drummer boy! I already miss you.”

”I might just buy you a plane ticket to come after me,” he kissed my forehead, my nose, my lips. ”We could go grab some coffee or some lunch. You know, do boring coupley things. Act like normal people.”

”Sounds weird. I don’t know how to do that,” I pushed myself up on the bed as he grabbed his bag and hoisted it up on his shoulder.

”Yeah, neither do I,” he added with a smile, and squeezed my hand one last time. ”But we could work it out together.”

#ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin fanfiction #fiction time #ashton irwin #afic: my sweet escape

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bitionraingang · 4 years

Text

Comes Around

Sorry to whoever will be reading this. It sucks, but I love writing!

The Quiett angst/fluff(?)

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He was no longer coming home. I’ve waited until 5AM walking back and forth, from our room to the front door. At around 5:30AM, I would rest my eyes for 2 hours before having to wake up again to get our 5 year old son, Dong Soo up for Preschool. I called and called. But all I heard was “Please leave voice mail in…” I’ve called in sick for over 2 weeks now. Every footstep I took back into our apartment was dreading. I constantly looked around hoping for him to magically pop out of a corner, with a big smile, apologizing, saying he was busy. But no. It never happened.

Joonkyung came over a couple of times. Though he was closer to Dong Gab than me, he felt that it was right that I knew. He’s been seeing some girls. Girls who weren’t moms. Girls who weren’t wives. Girls who he felt a thrill to be with because he was taken. He didn’t want to be taken anymore. He didn’t want to be responsible. He wanted his life motto to be “fuck bitches, get money” again. Joonkyung had been a great support for me and a great role model for Dong Soo. I was happy that at least I had a friend who truly cared.

I no longer cried. I no longer sighed. I no longer waited. I was happy. 5 years ago, on the day that I sent Dong Gab our divorce papers, he came back home. He was crying. He only cried 5 times in his life. Once when he was born, second when I said I wanted to break up after dating for 2 years, third when I said yes to his proposal, fourth when I gave birth to Dong Soo, and finally, the fifth when he came back home. He said he was stupid. He begged me to forgive him. But my heart was as hard as a stone. I said no. I waited 6 months for him to come back. But now, I won’t. I was willing to give him the freedom that he wanted from me, from us. But why? Why didn’t he want it now? I didn’t understand. So that night, I did what I gave up on a long time ago. I called my supervisor, asking if I can repeal my decision about the transfer opportunity I was offered. I initially had said no because as a mother and as a wife, I had a duty here. Here in our home, or what was our home. I could not just leave everything or force the other two to leave everything in order for me to move forward with my career. But now, I had nothing holding me back. Leaving Dong Gab in tears trying to envelope my body into his, with all my strength I tightly held onto Dong Soo in my arms and forced off Dong Gab off and went into the taxi. I wanted to cry too because I was scared, but now I had no shoulders to lean on. I had to become the shoulder for our, no, my Dong Soo.

Looking out into the night sky, I took the last sip of my Rosé. I felt peaceful. I felt content. But was I truly happy? The arms wrapped around my waist felt so warm. He had fought so hard to be here. I taught Sociology and he taught Law at Columbia University. I did not want to be in a relationship with anyone after Dong Gab, but Jintae had slowly crawled with warmth into my heart. He pecked my neck, tickling me with his facial hair. I giggled and turned around to face him, his arms still wrapped around me. I gave him a big smile and leaned in to give a peck on his neck.

“What’s keeping you up?” he asked.

“I’ve just been thinking.” I replied.

“Bout?” I could feel his voice rumbling in his chest.

Of course I couldn’t tell him what I had been really thinking about. We were almost like a married couple. We lived together for almost 3 years now and even adopted a dog with Dong Soo.

“Let’s go back to bed, I’m tired.” I pulled him towards our bedroom, trying to change the subject.

“Okay,” he never said no to me. Whatever I wanted, we would do.

I laid down towards his side of the bed so I can cuddle to his warmth. He was always warm. So it always had me wondering, would his warmth eventually cool down as well? I haven’t thought of Dong Gab since I moved back to New York. Everything was just so hectic. The explaining I had to do to my parents, friends, getting ready for a new job, taking care of my 5 year old son… it was a lot to deal with at first. Now that I think about it, I had left my home in New York to get married to Dong Gab and 5 years later I’m back, leaving what I thought became my home to get away from Dong Gab.

I loved waking up to the sounds of Jintae and Dong Soo laughing. Jintae took care of Dong Soo as if he was his. It was quite amazing to see the type of bond they have. Their relationship was more about being a father and son. It’s almost as if they were soulmates who understood each other 100% (which sometimes made me jealous). I walked out of my bedroom towards the sounds of laughter in the kitchen. There they were, my two most important people at the moment, laughing over nothing, just making pancakes. Quickly walking towards Dong Soo, I grabbed his cheeks and gave him a big smooch. My big boy who was 10 now still loved my kisses. With his bright eyes, he looked up smiling and said,

“Mommy sit down, we’re making you breakfast with the new recipe we got from Desert Master.”

It was their thing. To watch Desert Master, find a new recipe, and make it for me. Suddenly, Dong Soo said he left an important note for us from school in his room. I lightly tapped his cute bottom so he would go get it and show me. I looked up at Jintae who had been looking at me with a huge grin ever since I walked out of my bedroom. I walked towards him and gave him a hug from the back. I stood there for about a minute, just breathing in his scent.

“Good morning,” I mumbled.

“Good morning. You get more and more breathtaking each day my queen” he replied with a sly smile.

“Stop it” I groaned and reached up to peck his lips.

He snapped around to grab my chin up towards him and gave me more than a peck. I was laughing into the kiss, trying to shake him off before Dong Soo got back. Me trying to break away would only cause him to tighten his grip on my chin. Just as we could hear Dong Soo loudly explaining the reason for the letter, we broke away. I was going to turn to Dong Soo as Jintae held me back and whispered into my ear,

“I’ve been waiting for so long. That was only the beginning. Be ready for tonight.”

With rosy cheeks I looked at Jintae and elbowed his side. We haven’t had sex in over a month because of Dong Soo starting middle school in September and us, preparing the syllabi for our own classes in the Fall. So I guess, I was craving him too.

After having somewhat burnt yet, delicious pancakes for breakfast, I made my way to the bathroom to get ready for a quick check in meeting with the Sociology Department head in a few hours. Dong Soo was in the living room watching Stranger Things 5 on Netflix and Jintae was sitting on the closed toilet next to the mirror which I was standing in front of.

“So what was it you’re exactly doing with her today?” He asked.

“We’re just going over the syllabus and talking about the class structure for the year because you know who fucked up last year.” I replied.

The last semester, a colleague of mine had sexual relationships with multiple students in his class and was teaching anything, but Sociology during his lecture. So at the start of a new semester, the Department Head wanted to meet up with every single professor in her department to make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

“Right… Sociology people are so weird.” He said trying to tease me.

“Yeah, but you’re in Law you doodoo head.” I snapped back at him.

“Yeah, but you love this doodoo head.” He said while laughing.

As I closed my foundation cap, I looked at him in the eyes and said,

“Do I?” And walked out of the bathroom.

Jintae just smiled at me as he watched me getting dressed.

“Can you stop staring and smiling at me like a creep.” I complained.

“I’m just so excited for tonight. I can’t help it.” He replied.

Saying goodbye, I walked into the elevator. 34 floors later, I was out, walking the streets of New York City. The weather was still warm though it was late august. I had a good amount of time before my interview so I decided to walk instead of taking the train. Columbia was just 30 blocks away from my apartment so it wasn’t that bad.

15 minutes into my walk, Spotify just happened to turn on a song with a familiar voice. I guess it was his new album or something. After leaving Korea, I made sure to block him out of my life in any way possible by getting rid of social media and mutual friends. I was contemplating whether or not I should skip the music, but I realized it wasn’t his usual upbeat kind of song. Without the song even starting yet, it seemed to have a deep and heavy feeling to it. I turned to look at the title and it was “All These Girls.” Feeling my throat tightening I quickly skipped the song. Just another song about women. Even after all that has happened with his ex-wife, he still felt comfortable enough to fuck other bitches? I guess I really meant nothing to him. Tears were about to escape my eyes, still broken over what happened. But I was stronger now. I can’t let this affect my life. So with stronger strides, I walked towards the university.

After about 30 minutes, I was finally in front of the main entrance. I smiled at the security guard and made my way to the Sociology department. And just so happens that Dong Gab was there. I could feel my eyes go wide as I saw him from afar. Just as he was about to turn towards my direction, I quickly ran past him and beeped myself in. Why was here? Was here to hook up with some college girls? Was he here to filming something? I took out my phone and did something I haven’t done in over 5 years now. I looked up his name on Google. The first thing that popped was: “Illionaire Records The Quiett becomes Professor Shin.”

It felt very suffocating to hear that. Here I was sitting on a bench right in front of the Department Office just contemplating whether or not I should quit. In the article, apparently they were staying here for half a year to teach the Sociology course on how music affects people. If he were to do that, then obviously we’re going to have to see each other since we’re in the same department. Then he might try to get back into my and Dong Soo’s life. That can’t happen. Alright, so today at my meeting, I’m just gonna tell the Head I can teach this year. And maybe I’ll come back next year. Yeah that’s what I’m going to do becau…

“Excuse me?” Someone asked as they tapped my shoulder.

Too deep in thought, I couldn’t recognize the voice and looked up. Oh shit. Just fuck my life. This is great.

“Y/n? It’s you right? Y/f/n? It’s me, Joonkyung. Remember me?” He asked frantically.

Of course I remember you, you retard. How could I forget. You know what, I’ll just pretend to be someone else and just walk away. I’ll go and tell her right now and just go home and everything will be okay.

“I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person. My name is not Y/n, it’s Audrey.” I replied as calmly as I can.

“Stop lying, I could see right through you. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get in contact with you for so long.” Joonkyung said with a look of concern and a tight grip on my arms.

Fuck. Is this where it all ends? No, if I tell him to not say anything to Dong Gab, it’ll be okay. Maybe I’ll take him out to dinner or something. Just as long as Dong Gab doesn’t know.

“Sorry, Joonkyung. I just needed to get away from him. And the only way I could do that was by cutting everyone off. But hey, can you not say anything to him? Like we can have dinner or something and I’ll explain everything to you. Just please, please don’t tell him.” I pleaded.

I knew I was begging to the person who was more than a brother to Dong Gab, but this was the most I can do to save myself from going through hell again.

“Alright… just give me your number… I’ll call you. Dong Gab is in the bathroom right now and he should be getting back soon. So hurry up to where you need to be.” He said while glancing behind himself.

I lightly jumped up at the sound of footsteps coming towards us and the voice I no longer wanted to hear saying,

“Joonkyung, the bathroom here is clean so you should go when you can.”

I couldn’t bare to look at the person walking closer so with my head hung low, I swiftly ran into the department office. With the door to my back, I heard his voice mumbling asking Joonkyung who he was with. Letting out a huge sigh, I walked towards the Head’s cubicle.

I had originally asked if I can get the year off due to personal reasons. She says she would’ve said yes to me, but there were already 6 Professors who won’t be in for the first semester because they were due to give birth. So instead she said I can have off for the second semester. Either that or she would take my year leave for an eternal leave from this university. I couldn’t have my job to go away in a snap just because of him. So what did I do? I called Joonkyung.

After waving at Joonkyung through the cafe window, I pressed call.

“Hey babe, when you coming home?”

“Jintae, something came up so I’ll be home a little but later. That’s okay right?” I asked.

“Yeah, just let me know when you’re getting home so I can drop off Dong Soo at Chris’ house.” He replied.

Right… today was going to be our “date night”. I just know I won’t be in the right mind today and I don’t want Jintae to suspect anything…

“Umm… Jintae, I’m really sorry, but I’m very tired from the meeting today. Is it okay if we moved it? I feel like I won’t be in the mood and I don’t want you to feel like it’s because of you.” I said apologetically.

There was an awkward silence for about 30 seconds before I cleared my throat and called his name.

“Oh, yeah. Of course. Just let me know when you’re getting home.” He seemed to reply with a sigh.

“Yeah, I will. Love you.” I said as I hung up.

I walked into the cafe and sat across Joonkyung. He gave me a tight smile and clasped his hands together. After the waitress took our order, I finally looked at him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I said, feeling tears welling up.

“Hey, don’t be sorry. I know why you did that. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything.” He said as he grabbed my hands.

“I just couldn’t take it. I waited for him to realize that he was leaving me, leaving Dong Soo, leaving us. He basically gave up on our family. I gave up everything I had to be with him. Joonkyung, I was 21 when I got married to him. He was 37. I thought he would be the mature guy he was when we were dating. But it seems like the lyrics in his songs were right.” I cried.

“I know, but the lyrics thing was wrong. He always loved you. He still loves you. But I think it was the stress catching up to him.” Joonkyung said carefully.

“He didn’t come home until I was done. You know when he came back? When I sent him the divorce papers.” I said.

“I know. I was there. We were in the studio and I was telling him to go back home to you guys. That he shouldn’t be doing this. Once I brought the papers to him, he jumped up and ran home. He didn’t even take his car. He ran home Y/n. And you know what running means for Dong Gab.” Joonkyung said taking my hand into his.

My chest tightened at that. I still loved him, but there was no way that I would be able to forgive him. I looked up at Joonkyung and said,

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I loved him. I’m pretty sure that I still do, but I don’t want to go through this whole drama with him again.”

“But don’t you want closure? Y/n, think about Dong Soo, doesn’t...” Joonkyung spoke softly.

“Dong Soo doesn’t even remember who he is anymore. Joonkyung, I’ve been with someone for quite some time now. He takes care of my son like he’s his own. Jintae will be more than what Dong Gab can offer.” I said fiercely.

“You’re meeting someone else?” He asked.

“What am I supposed to do? Live like a nun after my failed marriage? Joonkyung, I know you’re doing this because you really care, but right now, I’m happy with the family I have right now. Jintae is amazing to both me and my son. There is nothing more I could ask for than having Dong Gab turn down his position as a professor.” I said.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that to hyung. He’s excited to become a professor here. As much as I love you and care for you, I can’t do that hyung who’s always been there for me” He replied.

I sighed and said, “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that I don't know what to do anymore. My life finally is getting better and here he comes like a storm again. Literally a quiet storm.”

“Hey, but everything happens for a reason. Whether you guys meet again or get back together will be in God’s hands. So don’t try to change fate” Joonkyung said with a warm smile.

After some silence, I asked, “He’s moved on right? I just happened to hear the intro to a song that was recently released, though I didn’t listen to the whole thing, I could tell it was about his girls… you know I was always scared that his lyrics would become true? But I never told him because what if that planted a seed in him to actually go on with that act?”

Joonkyung shaked his head and sighed, “You’ve got it all wrong. ‘All These Girls’? That song is about you. He wrote that in regret. While I was mastering the song he said he hoped that you would listen to the song and come back to him. I told him the title was a bad choice, but he wanted to keep it like that.”

“Well, I saw the title and immediately turned it off because I was mad. Thinking how could he just continue with his actions just like that.” I said.

“You know, you guys are technically still married?” Joonkyung brought up.

“What? What do you mean?” Confused, I looked into his eyes.

“After you guys left, he never signed the papers, he put it in the paper shredder. So you guys are technically still married.” He explained.

It still didn’t make sense to me how when someone was given the freedom they wanted, they didn’t take it. Tears started welling up in my eyes. I lightly gasped, feeling my chest tighten with pain from the situation.

“Y/n, no matter how much you deny it, I can tell, the whole world can tell that you still love Dong Gab.” Joonkyung said as he got up and took a seat next to me. He lightly pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair.

“I just want the best for you both, but I know and even you know that you don’t want it to end like this. Dong gab hyung feels the same way.”

Joonkyung held me in his arms until I could look up without having tears well up in my eyes. After 3 hours of catching up, Joonkyung drove me home.

“Why do you have a Bentley here?” I teased him.

“Hey, a man’s got to be ready to take any of his ladies home.” He said with a smile. We finally pulled up in front of my apartment and I got out of the car. He walked from the driver’s side to the passenger side and pulled me into a hug once again.

“Just think about it okay? Don’t think about anyone else, but yourself. Ask yourself if you want to be with Dong Gab or not.”

I returned the hug and said, “Thanks Joonkyung. I had fun today. Don’t forget to give me a call sometimes.”

We released each other and just smiled under the shining moonlight. As he gave my cheek a friendly peck, I felt a presence right behind me and heard,

“Who is this Y/n?”

“Oh, Jintae. Dong Soo, where you guys coming from?” I asked slightly caught off guard.

“Y/n, I asked who this was.” Jintae said slightly angered from the sight he witnessed. I could see Dong Soo somewhat hiding behind Jintae.

“Oppa, this is Joonkyung oppa. He’s a friend of mine from Korea. He’s always been like an older brother to me and we happened to meet today at school.” I explained.

“Dong Soo, do you remember uncle Joonkyung? He was the first person to take a picture of you when you were born. He also helped feed and change your diapers when you were a baby.” I said waving my hands towards Dong Soo so he could come closer.

I saw the Jintae’s grip on Dong Soo’s hand loosen as Joonkyung stepped closer to see Dong Soo.

“Hey man, you remember me? Wow, you’re almost as tall as me.” Joonkyung laughed.

I was surprised to see Dong Soo jump into his arms. Joonkyung looked equally surprised.

“Uncle, where have you been? I missed you. I missed you and daddy.” Dong Soo cried.

My eyes widen at his words. Did Dong Soo remember them all this time, but I hadn’t said anything. Why hadn’t he said anything? Tears were welling up once again as I saw my crying son being held in the arms of his crying uncle. I couldn’t help but to question if all of my actions were done out of mere selfishness. I came to a realization that I had physically ripped my son that I loved so much from his father whom Dong Soo had loved just as equally. Joonkyung was crying softly murmuring apologies into Dong Soo’s ears. I turned towards Jintae who looked very lost. Thinking back, over the course of years of being with Jintae, I realized I have been trying to fill up Dong Gab’s empty spot with Jintae and have been deceiving myself to think everything was fine. But now, I knew that after today, I would have to clear things up with him.

After all the chaos that happened, Dong Soo was in his bed sleeping while Jintae and I were seated on the couch of our living room. There was silence as we didn’t know how to start the conversation.

“I…” Jintae and I said at the same time.

“You go first.” I said.

“No, you go.” He replied.

Taking a gulp of my own saliva, I started with, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” Jintae asked.

“I think I’ve been deceiving myself to protect myself from getting hurt.” I replied.

“What do you mean?” He asked, his face cringing with a hint of hurt.

“Jintae, I’m really thankful for everything you’ve done, for me and Dong Soo, for everything we’ve gone through, but I don’t think I loved you. There were times where I did feel flutters in my heart, but I think I missed Dong Gab so much that I was trying to replace you in my heart.” I said crying.

With desperation in his voice, Jintae said as he grasped my hand,

“No, baby. You’ve got it wrong. I love you and you love me. We’re gonna get through this. It’s just because you were reminded of your past today and Dong Soo crying like that, that you feel this way.”

“Oppa, I’m sorry, but I don’t love you. I loved the idea that someone else was in love with me even after all that had happened in my life. I know how much it hurts to be in the position of not being loved by the person you love so I think we need to end this here. I don’t want you to be hurt.” I cried as I pulled him into a warm hug.

“But, think about all the things we went through. If you feel like you don’t love me anymore then, think about the times we had love. I can’t let you go like this.” Jintae cried into my hair as he tightened his grip on my waist.

I could only cry along with him because I understood the emotion of pain he was going through. No matter how much I am grateful for Jintae coming into my life, I couldn't deny the fact that I still did love Dong Gab 5 years after we had “broken” up.

I woke up to the sunlight slowly creeping its way into the bedroom. I turned my body away from the window and faced Jintae who was sleeping next to me. After our long talk yesterday, we had decided to break up. So today would be the last day as being a couple. I shifted myself closer to his body and wrapped my arms around him. As I peppered light kisses on his shoulder, I muttered apologies.

“It’s going to make it harder for me to break up with you if you keep doing that.” I heard Jintae say without moving.

I giggled lightly and removed my arms from his body. I sat up and pushed his disheveled hair out of his face.

“I’m sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, as long as you were honest with me, I’m okay.” He replied, finally opening his eyes.

How was someone able to be so understanding and warm even if they were thrown off the bus? I really didn’t deserve someone as good as him.

I reached down to give a peck on his lips and said,

“Let’s get up and talk with Dong Soo.”

“I thought we’re breaking up, how can you kiss me like that?” Jintae asked with a smile.

“We haven’t broken up yet so I still can.” I replied as I got off the bed.

We ate at a local diner in front of our apartment as we explained the situation to Dong Soo. Dong Soo also shared his part of why he hadn’t said anything about missing his dad, he didn’t want to see me sad after he did once when he was younger. Hand in hand, we walked back to our apartment. Today was the official last day of Jintae, Dong Soo, and I being a family. I had planned to move out of the apartment with Dong Soo, but Jintae said he would because it would make the move easier and make it easier for him to adjust to living alone.

Hot tears dropped to my chin as I watched the scene of Jintae giving Dong Soo a big hug.

“Hey man, make sure you’re always good to your mom. And remember me leaving doesn’t mean that you can’t call me or come see me when you want to. No matter what I’ll always be here for you. Alright?”

“Thank you dad, uncle Jintae you will always be my second dad.” Dong Soo said.

Jintae smiled with tears in his eyes as he faced Dong Soo. He slowly got up to my eye level and pulled me into a hug. I burst out crying once again.

“I’m so sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, baby, you’re going to be happy. I’ll be happy too okay?” He said as he pulled away from the hug. I placed my hands on his cheeks as I gave him a warm kiss before he could leave. After a chaste make out, we finally pulled away.

“I’ll get going, make sure to keep in contact!” Jintae said as he walked away waving at us.

Dong Soo gave me a side hug as we watched Jintae get into the uber that would take him to his new place.

Dong Soo and I were cuddled up in my bed after Jintae left.

“Honey, did you miss daddy very much?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yes.” Dong Soo answered with a shaky voice, trying hard not to cry.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t know that. We’ll meet daddy soon okay?” I said as I pulled his head towards my chest.

“Thank you mommy.” He replied as we fell into a 3 hour nap.

It has been 3 days since Jintae left and we were doing fine. With deep breaths I pressed the button to give Joonkyung a call.

“Hello? Y/n?” He picked up.

“Hey, oppa. Can we meet up?” I asked.

In less than 30 minutes, Joonkyung was outside waiting for Dong Soo and I by the passenger side of his Bentley.

“Sorry, we didn’t have enough time to get ready when you said you’ll be here in 20 minutes.” I said.

“No, mommy it was just you. I was done in like 5 minutes, you took the extra time.” Dong Soo said wittly.

Joonkyung laughed as he gave Dong Soo a hug and proceeded to give me one while placing a peck on my cheeks. We all got into the car and went off to our destination for some late lunch.

After placing our orders Dong Soo was off to the kids play section. Joonkyung looked up at me with anticipation and said,

“So, what’s up? I had to lie to Dong Gab hyung to come meet you.”

“Well, first, Jintae and I broke it off.” I said and proceeded to explain everything that had happened after he left that night.

“I mean, I’m happy that you’re happy, but does that mean you’re going to meet Dong Gab hyung now?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully.

“I know we have to meet for the sake of Dong Soo, but I don’t know if things can ever be the same again. I still love him, but I don't know if I’m ready to go back into a relationship with him.”

“I think that’s fine. You don’t have to push yourself to get into a relationship with hyung, but you should clear up things with him for the sake of your son. He misses you and Dong Soo a lot.” He answered.

“But, I also don’t know how and where to get started with him. It’s been such a long time. I don’t even remember his phone number anymore.” I said.

“I guess it was a great idea for me to actually calling him to come here. Sorry, but before I left, I told him to meet me here. He thinks I’m grabbing lunch with him, but little does his know…”

“You called him here? Joonkyung, what if I called you to say I don’t want to meet him anymore? How could you do that?” I asked.

“I already knew where your heart stood after that night. I just wanted you to sort it out first and then let me know. You better thank me for this later on.” He said with a smile.

It was any minute that Dong Gab was going to walk through that door. Joonkyung gave my hand a squeeze as he knew how nervous I was becoming. Then we heard a ding as the door opened, indicating someone walked in.

“He’s here. Hyung!” Joonkyung said as he gave my hand another squeeze.

“Sorry I’m late, there was traffic on the way here. Oh, didn’t know you had company.” I heard Dong Gab say. My back was facing towards the door so all I heard was his voice. He sounded the same from 5 years ago. I couldn’t help, but wonder how he looked now.

“Hello, I’m Dong Gab, I didn’t know Joonkyung had company.” He said.

I saw Joonkyung smile a little and look up at Dong Gab.

“Hyung, don’t be too shocked.’ Joonkyung said as he signaled me towards Dong Gab with his chin.

I slowly turned to face Dong Gab, I could see his face change from a nonchalant look to a look of surprise as he realized who I was.

“Hey.” I said with a tight smile. Tears were brimming up in the lines of his eyes and he took a deep breath and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t have the courage to return the hug, but I softly sobbed in his arms. All sorts of emotions ranging from happiness to sadness to anger poured out.

I could hear Dong Gab sobbing as he buried his head in the crook of my neck.

“I’m sorry Y/n. I’m so sorry. Baby, please forgive me for everything. I missed you so much. Baby I’m sorry.”

“Daddy?” a soft voice called.

Dong Gab slightly released me from his arms and turned towards the soft voice.

“Soo, baby. My baby. Daddy is so sorry. I missed you so much baby. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Dong Gab cried as he reached down to pull Dong Soo into a tight hug. I could only cry as this scene played out in front of me. Joonkyung got up from his seat and pulled me into his embrace. After everyone had calmed down, we all took our seats to eat. I watched Dong Soo eat happily as he told his dad everything that went on for the past 5 years. I couldn’t eat as I was still overwhelmed with the situation and just watched the two happily conversing. From time to time Dong Gab would look up at me with sad eyes. Joonkyung lightly elbowed me so I would eat and I just gave a small smile back. After lunch, Joonkyung proposed to take Dong Soo on a shopping spree “to make up for the lost years” so that Dong Gab and I would have some time alone.

We were seated side by side on a bench at Central Park. There were children running around with their parents, couples strolling in the sun’s gaze, tourists on horse carriages. Everyone seemed content with the beautiful weather and situation except for us. We were still caught up in the past, not knowing where to start.

“I know I don’t deserve to say this, but I’m sorry and I missed you. A lot.” He said.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Went my heart. It was no lie that I still loved Dong Gab. But will I be able to forgive him was the question. I heard him shift closer to me and I just sighed looking up to the sky.

“I know saying sorry won’t fix anything, but I don’t know how else to express myself.” He said.

“After Dong Soo and I left, I cut off all social media and contact with anyone that had connections with you. I didn’t want to be reminded of you in any way. You know, I waited. No, we waited 6 months for you to come back. I know it must’ve been hard for you to be tied down after long years of being so free. So that’s why I waited. Because I knew you didn’t mean it. But when my river of hope was brought to a drought, I couldn’t do it anymore. Dong Gab, I was 21 when I got married to you. You were 37. I left my home in New York to get married to you and there I was, 5 years later I’m back, leaving what I thought became my home in order to get away from the very reason to why I came.” I started.

“I know. And I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting you.” He interjected while grabbing my hand.

Holding in my tears, I said, “I didn’t understand why you left and then tried to come back when I gave you your freedom. That’s why I’ve been mad. I was sad and upset about you cheating, but more mad about the fact that you came crying when you finally got what you asked for. Dong Gab, did you even love me? Or did the thought of someone leaving you make you want to come back?”

“Y/n, I’ve loved you since the very first time I laid my eyes on you. When I saw you get into that white G-Wagon on that day, I knew that I needed to have you. I still love you. I know I hurt you to the point where it’s indescribable I don’t fully understand why I did that. I think it was because I knew or felt like you would always be there for me to return to. But after seeing the divorce papers, I knew I fucked up. I couldn’t do anything to turn you around. I’m sorry Y/n. He cried.

“After I moved here, there was a man. He taught me to love and be loved again. We were so happy. He was so good to Dong Soo, treating him like his own son. Jintae loved Dong Soo and I so much that he let us go back to you oppa.” I said finally returning the grip he had on my hand. Shocked, Dong Gab lifted his head, face red from crying. I slowly let the tears drip down to my cheeks as I pulled his face closer to mine.

“Meeting Joonkyung reminded me of how I have yet to learn to unlove you. I hate you for everything you’ve done, but my love for you is so much bigger than that.” I said before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

I slowly pulled away, as he kept pushing in, almost as if he didn’t want to move away from my warm lips. We smiled at each other with tears brimming once again. He said, “I love you” before cupping my cheeks and pulling me into another warm, deep kiss.

#the quiett scenarios #the quiett #shin dong gab scenarios #shin dong gab #khiphop

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let-it-raines · 5 years

Note

Emma + Killian + Making up for lost time

Okay, so I know I said I’d get the next chapter of Second In Command up today, but that’s not going to happen! It’ll be very soon, though! So in the time being, I hope that you enjoy this prompt I’ve been hoarding away! Nonnie, I’m not sure what you were looking for with this, so I hope you like it!

His hand trails through the tips of her hair, untangling the knots that have collected from their day at the beach, the heavy winds and salty ocean air causing it to curl in unnatural ways until it ended up in a tangled, tousled mess. His touch is soothing even when he snags on a stubborn knot that pulls at her scalp, but he somehow always manages to work it out, helping her sort out her mess while she lays on top of him and feels his heartbeat with every rise and fall of his chest. It’s comforting in a way that no one’s touch has been, and she feels tears stinging in her eyes as she thinks about it.

She doesn’t want to cry, not over something as ridiculous as having someone play with her hair, but besides the few times Mary Margaret has curled it for her for job interviews and the occasional big date, no one has ever played with her hair, no one other than Killian. But Killian is playing with her hair right now after spending the entire day with her relaxing out by the ocean, and she can’t fight back this unwanted sob that she’s choking on.

“Emma?” Killian questions, the timber of his voice even deeper as he whispers. His hand stops its ministrations in her hair, and she feels him tilting her chin up before she can burrow her head in his neck. “Love, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“No one has ever played with my hair before.”

She sees him subtly shake his head as his lips purse and his eyes squint, closing for a moment so that his long, dark lashes fall against his cheeks. “What now?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“I promise you, Swan, that’s not true.”

She sighs, managing to take a deep breath even with the way her body is pressed into his, before looking up at him with glassy eyes, a tear falling down her cheek. “I’m…no one has ever played with my hair before, not before you. It’s something that moms do, that parents do, and I don’t have those. So I guess it’s just on my long list of things that should have happened when I was a kid but didn’t.”

Killian hums as he dips his head and slides his lips over hers. She can taste the saltiness of her tears trickling down to their lips, and she tries not to feel like some kind of unwanted foster kid when she’s twenty seven years old.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Hold on,” Killian encourages, gently pushing her off of him and letting her fall against the bed while he runs into his living room, coming back two minutes later with a notebook and a pen. “Scooch over, love. He sits down on the mattress while she rolls over, getting up and crawling into his side to see what the hell it is that he’s doing. “We’re going to make a list, and you don’t have to finish it tonight or even do it at all if you don’t want to. But I want you to write down all of the things you wanted to experience as a kid and didn’t.”

“Killian, that’s ridiculous.”

“Aye, but I kind of like it.” He taps the pen against her nose, and she chuckles under her breath before kissing his cheek. “Now, let’s start with have someone play with your hair.” He writes it down in his neat, oddly beautiful handwriting, and then puts a check mark next to it. “See, you already have one done. Now come on, Swan. Let’s make a list.”

-/-

Over the next few weeks, she writes down whatever pops in her head, scribbling it down on a napkin or on her phone when she’s away from Killian’s and then adding it to the notebook that sits on Killian’s kitchen counter. He offered to let her take it home with her, but she said no. Besides, she spends most of her nights at his house anyways. It’s on the beach with an open floor plan and soft, comfortable furniture and the constant background music of the waves crashing against solid ground. And, of course, Killian. He’s also there.

Climb across monkey bars.

Draw on the sidewalk with chalk.

Eat pure candy for dinner.

Ride a bike.

Have someone braid her hair.

Have someone braid her hair. (It’s different than someone playing with it, Killian.)

Run through a sprinkler.

Make homemade cupcakes.

Go camping.

“This is ridiculous,” she sighs after adding in the last one. Killian’s cooking dinner, grilled chicken sizzling on the stove, and she can practically see him rolling his eyes even if she’s looking at his back and the way his t-shirt clings to his muscles.

“I can promise you the only ridiculous thing on that list is eating candy for dinner.”

“Hey, that’s a good one. But seriously. All of this stuff makes me sound like I’m five.”

“That’s the point. You’re going to experience all of the things you didn’t as a young lady.”

“A young lady?”

“That is what my mum used to call everyone under the age of thirty. Come on, Swan. Don’t overthink it. Don’t freak yourself out of it. We’ll even do the candy one first. I’m thinking gummy candies all the way.”

“You hate gummy candies.”

“Exactly. That way you’ll have them to yourself, and my dentist won’t get more of my money.”

So the next night she walks into Killian’s house to several different gummy candies sitting on his counter along with a few bars of chocolate. Sucker, she thinks to herself. He went to the store and bought himself candy that he actually likes. So much for healthy eating all of the time. She grabs the bag of sour patch kids and wanders throughout the house looking for Killian. She finally finds him in the hammock on his back porch, the one that’s so close to the ocean you can practically taste the salt, and without hesitation, she climbs in there with him, settling between his legs while his arms wrap around her waist and his fingers trail up under her blouse to mess with the skin of her stomach.

“I have provided you with nourishment, my fair lady.”

“Thank you, my good sir,” she giggles, popping a gummy in her mouth and chewing before tiling her head back and briefly kissing him. “Did you have a good day at work?”

“Ah, yes, I love when nineteen-year-olds act like assholes because they failed their exam.”

“Dr. Jones,” she sighs, making her voice as seductive as possible, “didn’t you give them an opportunity to make it up to you?”

Killian snorts behind her, the laughter of his chest moving her with him while he pinches the skin of her stomach. “I do not live in a bad porn movie, so no, I did not allow them to sleep with me to make things up.”

“I mean, you have a girlfriend, so I feel like there’s a lot of reasons why that wouldn’t work.”“Aye,” Killian growls, kissing up and down her neck while she continues to eat her candy, “a beautiful girlfriend who I very much love would keep me from doing that on top of all of the other moral wrongs there.”“Smooth save, bud.”“Only for you.”

“Well, what can I say. I’m as sweet as candy. How could you ever deny me?”

Eat pure candy for dinner.

-/-

“Bloody hell,” Killian mutters while she watches him bite his lip in the bathroom mirror. Her laptop is playing an instructional video for fishtail braids, something she’s never quite been able to master herself, and she tries to hold in her laughter at his frustration. “Couldn’t we have done a regular braid for this? Or even a French braid? This is bloody difficult.”

“This is the only braid I can’t do myself, so I figured it’d be perfect for this.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t watch that video one more time. The woman’s voice is far too high pitched.”

“Well, find another one. There’s a lot.”

“Then I’ll lose my spot, and I’ll have to start over again. This is fucking ridiculous.”An hour later Killian has braided her hair in a simple braid, the fishtail attempt long gone after she thought Killian was going to smash her laptop and cut off all of her hair if his braid fell apart one more time. God, she loves him and knows he can get frustrated, but she never thought her hair would be the thing to bring him down.

Have someone braid her hair. (It’s different than someone playing with it, Killian.)

-/-

“It’s November. I’m not running through a sprinkler. Can’t we save this for, you know, the summer?”

“Nope. We bought this damn sprinkler today, and we’re doing it today.”

“Killian, babe, we’re currently bundled up in three layers of clothes. I don’t think stripping down and getting wet is our best idea.”He waggles his eyebrows, and she braces herself before he dips his head and whispers the words in her ear. “Stripping you down and getting you wet is always our best idea.”“You’re dirty.”“Then I suggest we run through the water to get me as clean as you desire.”

Killian sets up the sprinkler, hooking it up to the hose in his front yard, before stripping out of his clothes and only remaining in his boxers. As much as she loves the sight, she really hopes none of his neighbors are home looking out the window. Mrs. Lucas would probably love it. Sighing, she does the same, letting her coat and jeans fall to the floor while she jumps up and down to keep herself warm.

It does not work.

Before she knows it, the nozzle is turned, water shooting up into the air, and Killian is taking her hand in his, their fingers intertwined. “Are you ready?”

“No.”“Well, we’re going anyways.”

His grip tightens before they’re both sprinting forward, the momentum carrying her forward until she’s covered in ice cold water and landing on the other side of the sprinkler.

“Cold, cold, cold, cold,” she chants, hopping up and down on her toes to try to warm herself up to no avail. “That was freezing.”

“Aye,” he agrees, shaking his wet hair out before looking down at her with his lips ticking up on one side.

“No. Killian, I swear to God, don’t even think about it.”

“I’m already thinking about it.” Before she can run away, he’s scooping her up, nearly dropping her when she doesn’t get a good grip on his shoulders, and running them both through the water while she squeals. Actually squeals. She didn’t even know her body could make that noise, but it apparently can.

“You.” Slap. “Are.” Slap. “An.” Slap. “Asshole.”

“Oi, I’m already freezing with you. There’s no need to abuse a man.”

“There was literally every need.”

Killian walks them over to the house, turning off the water, and bending down to pick up their clothes, nearly dropping her (again) before they make it inside to blessed, blessed heat and the warmth of a hot shower.

It’s so much better than running through a sprinkler, but she can’t help her smile thinking of she and Killian, two grown adults, running through a sprinkler in the yard in nothing but their underwear. It’s by far the most ridiculous thing they’ve done on the list of hers that she started back in September, but she kind of loves it.

Run through a sprinkler.

-/-

“Mary Margaret said Leo needs Christmas themed cupcakes. What does that mean?”

“Red and green icing? Peppermint flavor? Anything and everything festive?”

“Yeah, but why is a five-year-old so specific about his cupcakes for his birthday?”

“Because it’s his birthday, my love, and he was born two days before Christmas. He probably just likes the season. I know I would if someone came down my chimney and left me with presents.”

“I can come down your chimney if you want.”

“Look at that, Swan. I knew dating me for so long would suck you into the making everything dirty.”

“Yeah, well, I can do that too.” She winks at him before pressing up on her toes and quickly kissing him. “Add have Santa come to my list. That’s something I never experienced. You’re Santa in this case, by the way.”“Aye, I got that. I should warn you, though, if your goal is for Santa to come, you really are going to have to slide down the chimney.”

“It’s a good thing we have each other because anyone else would break up with us by now.”

She’s never been one for baking, especially from scratch, but she and Killian go through his cabinets to see everything he has in order to make a list of everything they need. He really only has sugar, eggs, and milk, so they quickly drive down to the supermarket and load their cart up with every baking utensil that the small market in the town has. They have a surprising amount of Christmas-themed goods, so while Killian is getting the practical things, she grabs onto sprinkles (which she still says don’t actually taste good and just look nice) and Christmas themed cupcake…filters? Cups? Holders? She’s not really sure what they’re called.

After they’ve filled their basket up with everything including a birthday card for Leo, they check out and make their way back to Killian’s, immediately baking the cupcakes so they’ll have them ready for Leo’s party tomorrow afternoon. It’s a bit of a disaster at first, but once they get the mixture right (Killian apparently does not believe in measurements and instructions), it’s smooth sailing. Or Smooth baking, really.

“This icing is fantastic,” she moans, taking her finger and swiping another section from the bowl before Killian can swat her hand away (again). “Can we keep some in the fridge, like, at all times?”

She expects Killian to immediately shoot down her idea, but when she looks up at him in anticipation, he’s intently staring at her, his blue eyes slanted and his arms crossed. Is he really mad that she’s eating some of the icing?

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Move in with me.”

If she were holding anything, she’d drop it.

“What?”

“Move in with me, Swan,” Killian repeats, taking a step forward and interlacing their fingers, resting their hands on his chest. “Come on. When was the last time you even went home? Your stuff is here, your food…I’m here.”

“You are here,” she acquiesces, really coming around to the idea of living here…with him. He’s right. She doesn’t ever go back to her apartment, it would save money, she loves him. That last one seems pretty important.

Killian softly smiles down at her while squeezing her hands. “What do you say? You want to officially invade all of my stuff?”

“Are you going to make me clean as often as you do?”

“Obviously not.”

“And can I bring my pillow from my apartment?”

“Of course.”

“And we’ll keep icing in the fridge?”

He clicks his tongue. “Eh, that one is debatable.”

“Hmmm,” she hums, trying to keep the smile off of her face while she unlocks their fingers so she can wrap her arms around his neck, “I think you make an excellent salesman, Killian Jones. And an even better roommate.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And we can mark off having a sleepover on the list.”

“Was that on the list?”

“Nope.” She presses up on her toes to slide her lips over his, the both of them smiling into the kiss. This is so much better than she ever expected today to go, and she knows that this is the right choice. Killian is the right choice. “But you said we could add as we go. Now, come on, babe, let’s finish these cupcakes, and then we can get to the rest of our sleepover activities.”

Have “Santa” come.

Make homemade cupcakes.

Sleepover (Permanent)

-/-

She’s walking home from the station on a surprisingly warm afternoon in February. It was snowing last week, but as she walks the road home, there’s not a single bit of evidence of that, all of the snow having melted and run into the ocean a few days ago. Now she can walk outside with just a sweater and her boots without freezing. But it’s still cool enough that she wouldn’t want to spend extended periods of time outside, which is why she’s entirely confused when she gets to their driveway and sees Killian sitting outside with a…bike.

Shit.

He’s going to try to teach her how to ride a bike today, isn’t he?

The closer she gets, the more she can see the bright smile on his face, and the moment he sees her, he gets up from his spot on the front steps and jogs toward her, kissing her in greeting and handing her a helmet. Oh God, they’re really doing this.

“You ready to learn how to ride, Swan?”

“Well, I’d think I was already pretty adept at that considering last night.”

“Bloody minx,” Killian laughs, dipping his head and kissing her cheek. “But seriously. I actually ordered this for you after Christmas, sales and all that, but it just got here today. I figured we could start practicing today.”

“In…broad daylight? Where the neighbors can see me bust my ass?”

“Aye. Unless you want to do it in the mornings.”

She pats his shoulder and walks past him toward the front door. “Let’s try for the morning.”

Killian wakes her up at six the next morning. His gentle attempt of soothing her awake doesn’t exactly put her in the best mood. His nudging and lips against her skin might as well have been a blaring air horn and a sledge hammer. But she gets up anyways and bundles up as they step outside, putting on the idiotic helmet and waiting for Killian’s instruction.

It seems like it should be simple enough. People do it all of the time. Hell, children do it, but the moment she sits down on the seat, her feet still planted on the ground, she can already feel how uncomfortable this is. And she’s really beginning to question how something so thin on two wheels can hold an entire human being up.

Killian tells her they’re just going to work on her balance this morning, getting her used to the bike, and he promises that he won’t let go. So that’s exactly what they do. She gets accustomed to sitting on the seat and moving the slightest bit, all while Killian holds onto the back of the bike so she doesn’t fall.

And so it goes several mornings in a row, the two of them getting up before the sun to practice. She does get better, even if she feels ridiculous, but she keeps toppling over and scraping her hands, elbows, knees. The last straw comes when she rips open her favorite leggings after a particularly nasty fall and Killian tells her just to get back on the bike.

“No, I’m not getting back on the fucking bike. I’ve fallen too many times. My ass hurts, and I’m not doing it. Screw this.”

She gets up from the ground, careful not to get more pieces of gravel in her hands, before storming off in the house, ripping off her ruined leggings and stepping into the bathroom to clean out her wounds. She can feel her cheeks heat and the tears stinging in her eyes all while the water in the tub runs over her bloody, scraped knee. Her body is disgusting right now, scrapes and bruises all where she doesn’t want them to be. This has been a horrible plan, and they shouldn’t have done it.

Why the hell does she even need to ride a bike? That’s not a thing that even comes up in her everyday life. They never should have done this. Killian should have left well enough alone.

Huffing, she turns the water off and climbs off of the edge of the tub, making her way over to the closet and changing into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before she props herself up on the counter and puts Neosporin over her new scrapes and tapes gauze over them. She’s finishing her knee when Killian comes to stand in the doorway of the bathroom, his hip resting against the doorframe and his ankles crossed just as his arms are.

“So should we add having a meltdown to your list?”

“Fuck off, Killian.”

“Okay, okay,” Killian soothes, taking a few steps forward and placing his hand over her bloody, bandaged knee, “that was a poor time for a joke. I’m sorry, Emma. I’d never do anything to hurt you or piss you off. Not on purpose or without good intentions. I just have to feel like all of this isn’t really about the bike.”

She really hates him for being able to read her so well. An open book, he’d said once. She hated it when he said it then. No one who barely knew her had any right to tell her they understood her from a few conversations, but now, now he knows her better than anyone and has every right to call her an open book, even if she’s pissed as hell right now.

“It’s not.”

“Then what is it, sweetheart?”

“I feel…stupid. You and I wake up at the crack of dawn to practice riding a bike. We literally go out there with flashlights so none of our neighbors can see me. I’m a grown woman. I should know how to do this. I should know how to do a lot of things and have experienced a lot of things and I just…I haven’t. And I feel inadequate and naïve and all of these awful things.”

“Listen to me, Emma Swan, no part of you is inadequate. You never have been, and you never will be. I love you more than anything on this planet or in the stars above, and you have to know how bloody brilliant you are. Yes, you had to miss a lot of your childhood and yes, you had to grow up too fast. We both did. But there’s nothing stopping you or me from making up for lost time.” He wipes away the tears that are falling from her eyes before softly kissing her cheeks. “You may hate the phrase, but even if you can’t actually ride a bike, all your life you’ve been getting back up on the bike when life knocks you down. But don’t let it, Emma. You’re better than that, stronger.”

Oh damn. She wasn’t expecting that. That’s…everything, and it’s so not fair that he can be so nice when she really is having a meltdown. He should be having a meltdown too. He’s being nice to her, and she’s just being an asshole.

She wipes away at her cheeks, sniffling a bit before smiling at him.

“Are you sure you weren’t supposed to be a literature professor or something? Because no one talks like that.”

“I do. At least to you, my love. You deserve it. Now come on, let’s try again.”

Yeah, she’s going to have to figure out a way to be extra kind to him somehow. Maybe she’ll scrub down the kitchen later when he’s at work. He might like that. Or he might get frustrated with how she cleans. It’s at least worth a shot.

“Can we try again tomorrow?”

“Aye.”

So she tries again. And again. And again.

And even if she sucks at it and it doesn’t go smoothly, eventually she’s rolling down the street without crashing onto the pavement or into the bushes. It feels like some kind of weird, success story, but this is her life and she’s along for the ride.

Ride a bike.

-/-

“Can you draw a football, Emma? Killian does it wrong.”

“Of course, buddy,” she promises Leo, ignoring Killian’s eyeroll and his muttering of bloody American football, before picking up the brown chalk and drawing out a bloody American football on the Nolan’s driveway. “I think Killian’s soccer ball is nice, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but why does he call it a football?”

“Well, from where Killian is from, that’s what they call soccer. It makes sense, you know? You do play soccer with your feet.”

“Huh,” Leo gasps, continuing to draw nonsense on the chalk while Killian works on his own drawings. “That’s weird.”

“Yeah, well, your Uncle Killian is weird.”

“If he’s my uncle and you’re my aunt, does that mean you guys are going to get married?”

Killian starts coughing, probably choking on his own spit, and she feels her cheeks heat and her heart start beating wildly within her chest. They’ve talked about it, but it’s never been more than a small conversation. Never too much detail. Just that it’s a possibility they both want one day.

“I don’t know, kid. Maybe one day.”

“Well, if you do, I think you should serve chicken nuggets at the wedding. Aunt Belle had gross food.”

She snorts, not knowing what else to do before reaching over and ruffling Leo’s blonde hair. “Okay, kid. We’ll keep that in mind.”

Draw on the sidewalk with chalk.

-/-

“I’m pretty sure we look like creeps right now, babe.”

“Swan, it’s fine,” Killian insists, pushing her forward toward the jungle gym. “All you have to do is climb across them quickly, and we’ll be gone before someone calls the cops on us.”

“I am the cops.”

“Well, then we won’t have any issue. Now come on, let’s do it.”

She whines a bit before walking over to the playground, waiting for the kids who are playing on the monkey bars to get finished before she quickly hops up on the ladder and moves across the bars, easily holding her weight up and thanking all of the time she spends in the gym for being able to do this. There’s a reason only kids do this. They can hold up their weight much more easily than adults can.

It takes less than a minute for her to finish, and when she hops to the ground, she sees Killian holding his phone up laughing as he very obviously takes a video of her.

“Do not put that online.”

“Yeah, no, that’s definitely going on Instagram, especially with how I captured the judgmental looks of all of the moms around here.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“You love me.”

“Maybe.”

“Definitely.”

Climb across monkey bars.

-/-

“So can you really navigate by the stars?”

“Aye,” Killian confirms, tugging her a bit closer before taking her hand and pointing up to the sky, “Liam taught me when I was a lad.”

“How did that even come about?”

Killian sighs, dropping their hands and turning his body so that he’s facing her. He’s set up a makeshift tent in their backyard, which is really just the beach. There are enough blankets underneath them that the sand doesn’t get on them too much. It’s May now, and while that’s not a necessarily the warmest time in Maine, there is a pleasant breeze blowing up to them as the waves crash in the background, creating the most soothing backdrop that’s usually muted by the walls of their home.

Killian’s eyes look especially blue in the glow of the moonlight and of the lantern he has set up in the corner, and she reaches her hand out to rub her fingers across his jaw, feeling the rough stubble that she loves so much. His hand finds hers, and it’s as warm and as welcoming as always as he keeps her hand against his cheek.

“Well, you know we didn’t have much money and that our mum worked all the damn time. I’m not even sure when she managed to sleep or how she managed to be home to help with my homework. Um, but anyways, Liam took to entertaining me, and one of those things was watching the night sky from our roof.”

“How did Liam learn so much? Enough to teach you?”

“He didn’t. The wanker had no bloody clue what he was doing, but after I showed an interest in it, he started checking out books from the local library. And thus began our obsession.”

“He loved you a lot. Your mom did too.”

“Aye, I know.” His eyes get teary for a moment and they fall away from her gaze. It takes her fingers running across his cheek for him to look back at her. “I wish they could have met you.”

“I wish I could have met them too, but I feel like I know them through you.”

She moves her head forward, just the slightest of movements, so that she can brush her lips over his. His lips are as warm and as soft as always, and she can taste the beer he had earlier.

“I love you, Killian. You are everything to me, you know that?”

“I had an idea or two,” he laughs, squeezing her hand. “I love you too. I’m so glad you agreed to be with me.”

“Well, after I got over you being a pompous ass, there was never really any other option.”

He shakes his head back and forth before releasing her hand and crawling over her, caging her in with his body and his warmth while his lips run over her cheeks, her forehead, her eyelids, her mouth. He’s everywhere all at once, and she both laughs and sighs into all of the kisses. She feels desire building within her and even though the least romantic thing she can think of his having sex on the beach (think of all of the sand everywhere), that’s exactly what the two of them do. It’s slow and soft, almost exactly like it was the first time they were together, and she almost cries thinking of how her life has gone from nothing to absolutely everything.

She made a life for herself. She allowed people in. She allowed herself to dream that her life can be more than the girl who no one ever wanted and who no one ever loved, and she allowed it to become a reality long before Killian.

But then she met him after he parked his car in a no parking zone, and he became the first person she could ever trust with everything. Even more than David and Mary Margaret, which she thought would never be possible. But there he was prepared to and willing to love her with her walls, and here he is still loving her after knowing the deepest parts of her soul.

This list may have started as something small and stupid, but she’s realizing that it’s not about the list. It’s about experiencing life and doing things that make her happy, things she thought she’d never get to do.

They fall asleep outside that night and wake up as the sun rises over the ocean, the sky painted in oranges and pinks, and she wonders how she ever could have hated mornings and the thought of having someone by her side.

Go camping

-/-

Spring fades into summer, the temperature increasing daily and her job getting increasingly busier while tourists roll into town. Killian isn’t teaching a class this summer, so he stops by with lunch almost daily, eating with her before kissing her forehead and heading off to read a book or fix up the improvements they’re making to the house. It’s always had older features that she knows Killian has wanted to update and now that he has the time to work on it and the money to pay for the supplies, he’s really taken it to heart. Her home is basically a construction zone at all hours of the day, but she does have a really hot contractor.

She gets home around five one evening in June, the flowers in the front yard in full bloom, and she can see where Killian finished painting the house a light yellow, something that had taken some convincing for her to accept (who knew paint colors could be such a dividing point in a relationship). But he’s not outside, so as she walks up their new stone path, making sure not to trek on Killian’s vibrant green grass, she wonders where exactly her boyfriend is.

She finds him in the kitchen, carefully painting the cabinets a light gray with his laptop playing a video on how to paint kitchen cabinets that he’s been watching over the past few days. There’s music playing in the background, something slow and instrumental, and as she walks toward him, she notices the slight sway in his hips.

“Hi, babe,” she greets, kissing his cheek in greeting while squeezing his hip. “You’ve gotten a lot done today.”

“I had a pretty big pep in my step.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Check the list on the counter.”

“Weird way to answer that question but okay.”

She steps over to the counter and finds the notebook, her list of childhood wants written down in a combination of she and Killian’s handwriting with all of the items scratched out. She thought they’d finished this, moved on from it. Maybe he meant another list.

Climb across monkey bars.

Draw on the sidewalk with chalk.

Eat pure candy for dinner.

Ride a bike.

Have someone braid her hair.

Have someone braid her hair. (It’s different than someone playing with it, Killian.)

Run through a sprinkler.

Have “Santa” come.

Make homemade cupcakes.

Sleepover (Permanent)

Go camping.

Get Married

“Killian?” she questions, her heart absolutely racing within her chest while her breath leaves her body and emotion gets stuck in her throat. “Killian, what is this?”

He puts his paintbrush down and takes a step toward her, looking over at the notebook as if that isn’t his handwriting that wrote the last two words that have already completely shaken her world. “Well, it looks as if you had some very mature dreams as a child.”

“I didn’t write that.”

“I know,” he laughs, taking her hands and interlacing their fingers before pulling her away from the counter and squatting down on one knee. Oh God, this is happening. This is actually happening. “Emma Swan, my love,” Killian begins, smiling up at her with the most vibrant smile and gray paint on his nose, “I have loved you for two years now and known you for three, but in the past year, I feel as if I’ve gotten to experience an entire lifetime of adventure with you. I’d like to keep doing that indefinitely. So what do you say, love, will you marry me?”

She falls to her knees as well, landing them on equal ground, and nods her head up and down, the smile on her face so large that it almost hurts. “Yes, of course. Of course I’ll marry you even if you proposed in the cheesiest way possible.”

Killian barks out a laugh before slamming his lips into hers and threading his hands into her hair, consuming her as if she won’t be there when he lets go. But she doesn’t care. She loves it. She loves him.

“Well, I could have spread out rose petals in the shape of a heart, but I like to think I’m more of a romantic than those people in Valentine’s Day advertisements.”

“You know that’s how David proposed to Mary Margaret, right?”

“I didn’t, but I’m definitely going to mess with him about it now.” She laughs while Killian releases her hand to dig into his shirt pocket, revealing a small black box with a sapphire ring inside. She doesn’t know how, but she completely forgot about the ring. It’s gorgeous, and she almost doesn’t believe it’s real as Killian slides it onto her finger. “This is my mum’s ring. I know I could have bought you a diamond but –”

“No, no, it’s perfect.”

-/-

Five months later, they cross off the final item on the list.

Get married.

It doesn’t mean they can’t make a new list, though.

#cs fic #cs ff #cs prompts

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watchmegetobsessed · 5 years

Text

Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 11

HAPPY EFFING 2019 YOU GUYS!!! hope yall had a great night, mine was pretty chill but honestly i loved it haha. anyways, here is part 11 to celebrate the new year!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10

Going home the next morning feels like going to my own funeral. Everyone is so quiet, no one dares to say a word to us and I guess this has something to do with how we look and act.

On our way to the airport we are basically inseparable, we never let go of each other’s hand, I’m so clingy normally I would feel ashamed, but Shawn is the exact same. I’m constantly on the verge of crying, but I’m trying my best to look tough and I also don’t want any photos of me with red and puffy eyes. We have to make it look like we are more in love than ever, which is kinda true, but also, we only have hours left together.

Shawn doesn’t try to change my mind though I really thought he would at least make an attempt in the morning hoping I softened through the night, but for my biggest surprise, he says nothing. Instead, he is trying to use our final hours together wisely just like me. Neither of us sleeps on the flight, we share a seat and watch the clouds swimming under the jet in silence, we share kisses from time to time, but it’s mostly just us silently enjoying having the other one close for the last time.

Shawn cancelled on our last appointment on Sunday, he called Andrew and told him he isn’t feeling too well so the interview got postponed to a later date. I’m happy I don’t have to see him once more, saying goodbye is already hard enough, I don’t know if I would have enough strength in me to spend one more day with him without breaking down in tears.

Arriving back to New York Shawn puts on his best fake smile as he takes selfies with the fans waiting for him while I go straight to our car. Ten minutes later he follows and we are on our way to my place. My stomach is in a knot, my throat is dry as I’m staring out of the window, Shawn’s hand still holding mine and I’m thinking about what I should say to him before walking out of his life. I’m cursing myself for making it this hard, I should have been smarter.

When the driver stops in front of the café, our usual spot he suddenly gets out of the car and stands next to it as Shawn turns to me. I guess he asked him to give us some privacy beforehand.

“I guess this is our goodbye,” I mumble under my breath, already feeling the tears dwelling in my eyes.

“I want you to promise me one thing,” he starts looking into my eyes and I nod. “Call me if you need help. With anything. Even if it’s the slightest problem ever, I want you to know that you can always count on me, okay?”

Feeling a tear rolling down my cheek I smile at him sadly as I nod.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“And… if you change your mind in the future… about us… just call me,” he adds and I can’t help but chuckle. He did try for one last time after all.

Cupping his face I pull him into one last kiss and it turns out longer and more passionate than what I planned, but I don’t mind. I let his tongue dominate mine, he is nibbling down on my lip gently and I moan into his mouth, all kind of emotions mixing in me at the same time.

“I love you,” he whispers to me once we part and he rests his forehead against mine. I’m shutting my eyes closed tight and I fight the urge to say it back immediately. If I say it now, I feel like I won’t be able to get out of the car and leave him behind. “It’s fine,” he smiles at me when I open my eyes. “I’m happy I got to meet you. Take care, Naya.”

“You too, Shawn,” I smile as I reach for the handle and using everything in me I turn away from him and get out of the car.

I avoid looking at him one more time, I just start walking. I hear the driver getting back into the car and when I hear the car’s engine starting again I turn around and watch the black Range Rover drive away and then disappear from my sight.

My days without Shawn are just one dark blur from the moment I get home after Paris. All my stuff gets delivered to my place and he even let me keep the dresses I wore to the fashion shows. I want to call him to say thank you so badly, but I decide not to.

The next Friday we have the Assembly, everyone gets their new deals and clients, except me. Joshua explains to me that I need to lay low for a while, so I get signed up for shifts in the Nook as a hostess and I’m honestly happy I don’t have to get back to my usual work. I don’t think I would be able to work with another client so soon.

I spend a lot of time with Elisa and the kids. I volunteer to babysit as much as possible, and when Riley asks about Shawn my heart breaks every time. I tell her she’ll meet him again soon, and I hate myself for lying to a kid, but I guess these lies are making me feel better as well. Playing with the thought of seeing him again occurs to me often and it’s soothing to think about possible alternative universes where we are still seeing each other.

But no matter what I do, how hard I’m trying to keep myself occupied nothing really eases the numbing pain I constantly feel in my chest. I spend all my freetime in my room, mostly sleeping, because this is the only time I can avoid thinking about Shawn, but sometime my brain finds a way to torture me in my dreams too, because I often wake up in the middle of the night looking for him besides me only to find no one in bed with me. I usually can’t fall back to sleep when this happens so I just lie in bed awake, staring at the ceiling until the Sun comes up.

The money gets transferred to me on Monday, after we parted and in the following days I do what I’ve been doing for months. I transfer almost the whole amount to different accounts that belong to people that I owe to. When I finish I have just the right amount of money to get through the month, but at least I have the thought that I took a huge step closer to my freedom with this money as I was able to pay back a lot more than I usually am capable of.

It’s the third week now and I’m somehow feeling more… normal. Everyday things don’t take as much effort as they did in the past weeks. I’m on my way to the Nook for my night shift, Elisa is with her client tonight and I’m just hoping Josie is in tonight so I can hang out with her in my breaks.

The dim lighting and loud music with a chest banging bass feels like the best place on Earth tonight. I woke up a bit dizzy today, felt like I was about to throw up, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I ate a whole pack of salty crackers before going to be and my stomach just couldn’t deal with it properly. But now I’m all good.

I put my stuff down and get changed before sitting in front of my mirror to put on some more makeup and my black pixie cut wig that helps me keep my identity hidden and no one recognizes me as Shawn’s mystery girlfriend, who is by the way very much missed lately.

Yes, I kind of got obsessed with reading gossip sites since we parted our ways, I’m very ashamed of it, but I couldn’t resist. We went from one hundred to zero pretty quickly and I needed a daily dose of info about him to keep me sane, this is when I started browsing these sites and searched for his name. I read articles about him, saw paparazzi photos of him and the guys leaving places, he apparently spent a lot of time with them after our split and I checked his social media profiles regularly. Every time I saw a new post from him my heart started racing and stared at the photos he posted for an hour at least. I’m not proud of the way I’ve been acting, but I think I’ve been doing better in the past couple days and I can actually see a time when I’m not thinking about him for an entire day.

“Honey! I didn’t know you’d be in tonight!”

Josie’s chirpy voice snaps me out of my thoughts as I see her in the mirror, standing behind me in her neon pink dress that she paired with blue thigh high boots and a pearly necklace. Honestly, I have no idea where she gets these stuff.

I smile at her putting the eye-pencil down and turning around I get up to give her a hug.

“Hi J, I’m glad to see you.”

“You are looking better tonight, Sweetheart. How are you?” She gives me a knowing look and I just shrug my shoulders.

After the Assembly I stayed for half a shift at the club, but I wasn’t feeling too good. Josie found me crying in the bathroom and I told her everything. She listened to me whine about how much I’m missing Shawn and that I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I love him. I cried for long minutes choking on the words and cursing myself for being so stupid. When I was finally breathing somehow normally Josie gave me the best pep-talk of history. She didn’t try to tell me to just forget about it and stop thinking about him, because it’s obviously the shittiest thing to say. She sat with me on the floor and told me:

“I know how much it hurts. It will hurt, for a long time, but you are strong enough to put up with it. Breaking doesn’t mean you will never feel better, it’s just a temporary thing now. Cry for as long as you want, scream or shout, whatever makes you feel better, but also be patient with yourself. You will get through this and if in weeks you still feel like you can’t get over him, we will figure something out. But time can heal everything and I believe you’ll feel better soon.”

She covered for me for another hour until I somehow covered my puffy eyes and stopped crying. I knew she was right and I just did what she told and I decided to be patient with myself. Three weeks into my No-Shawn life and I’m starting to feel better, just like she told me I would.

“I’m doing okay,” I say as I let go of her and she fixes my wig a bit giving me a proud smile.

“Good. You look stunning, I’m sure you’ll break some hearts tonight.” She winks at me giving my arm a squeeze.

Half an hour later I’m out with my best fake smile as I serve cocktails to a group of men sitting in the VIP section in their expensive suits. I let my mind go blank, I only focus on the music that’s blasting through the place and when I’m not talking to a guest I’m just staring at the stage, watching the girls perform.

It’s around 1 am when the suited men order fruit flavored shots and I walk over to the bar. The bartender places ten shots on a tray and the deep red liquors dance in the small glasses as I’m walking over to their table. When no one is watching I lean closer and sniff at one of the glasses. I love the sweet smell of the syrup we use to make these shots, but this time, when the smell hits my nose my stomach takes a double flip.

I stop for a moment as I feel like I’m about to throw up. The tray almost loses balance on my hand but I quickly recover and catch it from falling. I close my eyes for a moment taking a deep breath as I feel my stomach growl in disagreement.

I serve the shots and rush to the back as fast as possible. As I’m on my way to the bathroom Josie steps out one of the dressing rooms.

“Honey, everything alright?” she asks, but I just shake my head and run past her, right into the bathroom where I barely reach a toilet before throwing up.

I hear Josie coming in and a moment later two hands reach for my wig and she is keeping the hair out of my face while I put everything out from me. When it seems like I’m done she disappears for a moment only to return with a glass of water and some paper towels in her hands.

“Thanks,” I choke out wiping my mouth and flushing the toilet.

“What happened?” she asks with concern all over her face. I’m sweating and I need a few more seconds before I find my voice.

“I don’t know. I smelled one of those fruity shots and just… lost it,” I breathe out still panting a bit.

“Have you been feeling nauseous?”

“In the morning yeah, but I didn’t throw up. I thought I just ate too much crackers before going to bed.” I finally get up from the floor and walk to the sink to wash my hands and mouth. My throat is burning and just the thought of throwing up makes me want to vomit again, but I keep it under control this time.

“Honey, I hate to ask this but… did you use protection with him?”

I freeze the moment these words leave her mouth. She is standing behind me, the water is still running from the tap as I lock eyes with her through the mirror. My stomach drops and my heart starts beating crazily as my thoughts drift back to Paris.

He did not use a condom, because I told him not to. Because I told him I would get a morning after pill, which I had in my purse, but with everything happening between and around us… it slipped my mind. Therefore, we had unprotected sex and I forgot to take the pill afterwards, meaning…

Meaning I now have a chance of being pregnant.

My hands are shaking, I feel like I’m about to throw up again but I’m ready to swallow it back as my unsteady fingers flip through my small calendar I usually keep with me. Josie is standing right behind me as we are standing in the corner of the room, girls are chattering happily in the back not even knowing what is going on here.

When I finally find the right month I look for the red marks, I’m clinging onto the last straws of hope, but when I find them, I almost start crying.

I mark the days when I should start my period with empty circles and then when I actually get it I usually just fill them in so I know which day is the first of my cycle. The damn circles are staring back at me from the previous week, meaning I should have gotten my period eight days ago. Sometimes I’m late, but only with maximum two days. Never eight. Never.

“Is that what I think it is?” Josie whispers and I can’t speak right now, I just nod my head. I close the calendar and show it back to my bag turning to Josie as I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“What do I do now?” I ask with wide eyes. The thought of being pregnant is so foreign me at this moment and I think my mind hasn’t really processed what this means.

“You have to make a test or go to the doctor. Being late can mean a lot, maybe it’s just the stress.”

I nod my head think about it. She is right, I’ve had some pretty stressful weeks behind me, it wouldn’t be surprising if my hormones were all over the place and make my period late somehow.

Josie tries to convince me to tell Joshua that I’m not feeling well, which is true, but I choose to finish my shift. When I get off at three am I’m already a mental wreck, but there I have to face some more waiting since nothing is open at this time.

When I arrive home Elisa is sleeping in her room, she has a morning class tomorrow. I take a quick shower, put on some clean pj’s and crawl into bed with my phone. I open the contacts and I start scrolling down until my finger lingers through a name. The urge to call Shawn is tempting, I almost press on the button, but not even knowing what I would tell him I lock the phone and put it to my nightstand. I can’t talk to him until I find out for sure.

For my biggest surprise I sleep pretty okay. I set an alarm last night so I can go to the pharmacy in time to get a pregnancy test and do it while Elisa is in school. I keep my cool as I run to the nearest pharmacy and try to look as unbothered as possible when I pay for the test. I hide the box in my bag and I’m dying to finally get back home and take it.

Time has never went by slower than at this moment as I’m sitting on the floor of our small and messy bathroom. I watch as the numbers change on my phone’s screen and I almost start thinking time has stopped, but I know it’s just in my mind.

I turn my head trying to make myself busy, so I pick up a set of false lashes from next to the bathtub and hold it up in front of my face. It can be mine, but I think it’s Elisa’s. It’s longer than what I usually use. Setting it to the edge of the tub I stare at it as if I’m waiting for it to start talking to me and tell its story. Waiting is really making me go crazy.

I stand up, carefully not looking at the stick at the edge of the sink as I throw the lashes into the small trashcan and I start sorting all the makeup products that are everywhere. I already know what’s mine and what’s Elisa’s, we have lived together long enough to get used to each other and know what we use. I was always afraid that if I live with another woman we will start using each other’s stuff, like in the movies. I always thought it’s weird. I mean, it’s fine a few times, but not all the time. It’s not too sanitary and budget friendly. It’s better if everyone sticks to their own things. Elisa thinks the same. We are happy to help each other out if one of us runs out of lipstick, or needs a specific color of eyeshadow. But we never touch what’s not ours without asking first. I think this is one reason why we are so good together. Another one is our shared history, I guess.

I check the time and it’s the last ten seconds, finally. I take a deep breath and hold it as I watch the numbers change on the screen until it hits zero. I switch the alarm off, but I don’t do anything. I stand there like a statue, my limbs feel like rocks and I don’t have the energy to lift them up. My throat is so dry, I could drink a gallon of water at once.

I look at myself in the mirror and furrowing my eyebrows I tell myself that I can’t just ignore this. I have to find out the truth so I can carry on or… or find a solution if the result is what I was afraid of.

I blow out the breath I was holding and glance down at the stick that’s lying face down. I slowly reach for it and take it between by pointing finger and thumb. It’s now or never.

I turn it over and when I see it I forget to breathe for the longest second of history. I freeze and my eyes are glued to the two little lines on the stick that means one thing. The one thing I was so worried and the one thing that is now freaking me out to the point where I feel like I’m about to pass out.

I’m pregnant and I have no idea how I’m going to deal with this situation. I’m twenty-one, practically a child myself, I can’t take care of a baby, not with the way I’ve lived in the past two years, it’s impossible. I can’t do this alone and even if Elisa helps me out it’s still not enough. I have only one choice, the person I never thought I would see again and I promised not to think about ever, but I have no choice. I wasn’t alone when this baby conceived and as much as I would love to figure it out on my own, he deserves to know.

I wipe away the warm tears from my cheeks and reach for my phone, still holding the pregnancy test in my hands. Opening my contacts I scroll down and I stop at his name. Biting into my bottom lip my thumb linger over it as I hesitate and try to think about what I want to tell him. But I slowly realize that it’s not something I should tell over the phone, so instead of calling I open a new message.

To: Shawn Mendes Hey. Can we meet? We need to talk about something.

I press send before I can change my mind and I finally walk out of the bathroom. I walk through our small, but cozy living room and don’t stop until I’m in my room. First, I hide the test into one of my drawers and then I check the time. Elisa will be home in an hour from her class to get ready for work, there is no way I can face her right now, so I better not be here. As I’m gathering a few stuff my phone buzzes from a new message. It’s from him.

From: Shawn Mendes Somewhere private or do you want to have drink somewhere?

I could use a drink right now, but then I realize, I won’t taste any alcohol in the upcoming months. And a private place would be the most ideal for this conversation.

To: Shawn Mendes Can we meet at your place?

His reply arrives a few seconds later.

From: Shawn Mendes I’ll send a car for you. Where do you want it to go?

I text him to pick me up at the usual spot at the café and he assures me that a car will be there to pick me up in thirty minutes. Perfect, this way I won’t meet Elisa. I grab my bag, put everything I think I need in it and leave the place, but before I could step out, I stop at the mirror that’s right next to our front door. I see myself in an entirely different way than how I did when I arrived home, though I was already suspicious back then. But now I know that somewhere under my oversized black sweater there is a baby in my stomach. I’m not alone anymore, not even when there is no one around me.

I slide my hand under my sweater and touch my lower belly, but I don’t feel anything yet it’s so different. Nothing will be the same from now on and it frightens me so much I can’t even describe.

I shake my head, fix my clothes and switch the lights off before leaving to meet the father of my unborn child, Shawn Mendes.

taglist: @damnigotadime @jrock-1987 @dacutiehart @ricchhelle @shar-is-my-name

#shawn #mendes #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes x reader #mendes army #boundaries #boundaries series

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ticklikeabomb · 6 years

Text

Traffic - Part 5

People : Plus size Reader x C.Evans, S.Stan, A.Mackie

Warnings : Language ; speaking/grammar mistakes

Word Count : 4.265

Author’s Note : Italic = Thoughts

Sheletta’s POV (before the diner)

I got out of work earlier today and decided to use my spare time to check on the new collection at my favorite store on 5th Street. When I entered the shop, I recognized Y/BF/N and headed towards her. She smiled the minute she saw me and greeted me « Hello, how are you? » « I’m good and you? Busy day? » « No, it’s actually pretty quiet today. What can I do for you? » « I wanted to see if you had new arrivals. » « Of course, follow me. We got new gorgeous dresses and classy suits. » I followed her to the ‘new collection’ section and she proceed showing me the new clothes. I selected a few outfits and she followed me to the fitting room. I came out dressed with a purple satin dress that fitted perfectly. « Wow, it looks absolutely gorgeous. » « Yeah, I like it. » We were chatting and Y/N came up. « How’s Y/N by the way? » She sighed and said « Not that good I’m afraid. I mean it kinda sucks getting fired for no reason like that. » I widened my eyes « She got fired? » Her face blushed « Omg, you didn’t know? » « No, I didn’t. » « Shit, I’m sorry I thought you knew. » « But what happened and since when is she unemployed? » She told me that it was because of her jerk boss that didn’t wanted to give her the day off in order to go to the vet and completely lost his mind and just fired her. « What an asshole! », I said. « Yeah, she’s been looking for another job lately. I think she has an interview in two days », she revealed. « I really hope she gets it otherwise I don’t know what will happen. » « What do you mean? » She looked at me hesitantly before confessing « Look Y/N is my best friend and I love her so much but I just can’t keep it any longer at bay and I know that you also care about her, so I’m gonna tell you but don’t tell her I told you. Well I don’t even know if she knows that I’m aware. » « God, just speak up girl. »

She took a deep breath and started « I think she’s struggling financially. I stopped by at her house a couple days ago and when she was at the bathroom, I stood up to grab something to drink and when I opened the fridge, it was empty. I mean there was butter, eggs, a bottle of water and milk and that was it. What was crazy is that Nana’s box was full of food. I’m afraid that she just focuses on the dog and neglects herself. » I gasped not knowing that the situation was at that state. « Why didn’t she said anything? We could have helped.» « Y/N is very stubborn, especially when it comes to asking favors or complaining if something’s wrong. She only reaches out when she’s really at the bottom of it. » I was trying to process the information when she spoke again « After work I’m gonna grocery shopping and drop it at her place. I’ll pretend that I got extra from my mother and can’t eat all of it », she said sadly. « Do you mind if I come with you? » Her eyes widened « Oh you don’t have to really. » « I insist, I kinda miss her and having a ladies night could be fun. » She smiled brightly and agreed. She texted Y/N asking if we could stop by, which she agreed.

After Y/BF/N’s work we did as planned. We headed to the grocery store and bought the essentials and I texted Anthony informing him about the Ladies Night and he replied that there’s was no problem that he would invite some friends on his own. After that, we headed to Y/N’s place. She opened the door, making us enter. It was a small studio but well decorated and very cozy. « Hey look, my mom gave me this but I’ve already made groceries, so I thought that instead, I would give it to you », Y/BF/N said. Y/N narrowed her eyes confused, not believing a single word what her friend just said. « I’m serious. Come on. I’m not gonna put it in the trash. » She seemed to tense and eventually agreed to keep the groceries « Thank you. » « I would have offered you coffee but unfortunately I’ve ran out of it », Y/N giggled nervously, clearly not at ease. « In the bag », replied her friend. « Oh great then, do you want some? » We agreed and looked at her preparing the cups. I sat down at a stool in front of the kitchen counter and noticed some envelopes next to my right arm. I couldn’t look away and saw some warning pay bills - electricity, rent, vet. ‘Damn, this is really serious’, I thought. She turned back to us and I looked back at her, giving her my most natural smile. She lead us to the couch and we started talking. The time past and we were talking about fashion, when Y/BF/N revealed that Y/N was pretty good at doing make-up. «I just do it sometimes like that, as hobby. » « Are you kidding you should totally start doing those beauty tutorials on Youtube. » Y/N blushed lightly and chuckled.

« Really? That’s great. Why don’t you show me? », I said. « What? Now? » « Yeah why not? Come on, hit it. I even have my make-up purse with me » « Alright. Wait here, I’ll be right back. » She came back with some of her palettes. « What kind of make-up do you want? », she asked. I thought about it and remembered the purple dress I bought earlier. I showed her the dress and asked something that could fit for it. She looked attentively at him and at the colors on the palettes in front of her. « Ok I have an idea », she exclaimed. « Well ladies, I’ll go take Nana for a walk and will come back later. » Y/N agreed and after removing the make-up I had, she alined delicately all the things she would use. She asked me how I meet Anthony and I smiled recalling the first time I saw him. We met at school and didn’t leave since then - totally the sweetheart story. She giggles and was happy that there could still be people that when they say ‘forever’, they mean it. « What about you? Anyone in your life? » « Nahh, don’t have time for that », she replied laughing.

« Tell me how was your childhood? What did you mother say when she saw that cute little head of Nana? », I asked. I felt her body tense a little bit and she cleared her voice « Oh…eh… my childhood was ok, I guess. Not like the others, I never knew my father but my mother compensated for it. She was amazing. … Unfortunately I lost her two years ago », her voice cracked. « I’m so sorry Y/N » « You didn’t know, don’t worry. » There was a small silent and she whispered « I miss her a lot. » I looked at her and saw tears roll down her face. I immediately took her in my arms, trying to give her some maternal love. « I’m sure she would be proud of you. Being a beautiful, independent, funny and kind person. » She cleaned her tears and thanked me before going back to the make-up. 30 minutes later, Y/BF/N was back from the walk and Y/N was doing the final touches. « Tadahhh, done », she chanted. I stood up and looked at the mirror and was astonished by the result. It was really beautiful, making my eyes shine through.

« You like it? » « I love it, it’s amazing and it will fit perfectly with the dress. Thank you. » « Glad you do », she smiled. « I agree with Y/BF/N, you totally should do gigs in make-up. » « Show her your book » exclaimed happily Y/BF/N. Y/N smiled and went to her bedroom and came out with a book that she handed to me. I opened it and saw pictures of people with their faced either with make-up on or painted.

« You did all this? » « Yeah, sometimes it happens. At the center once, during Pride month I saw a girl struggling with her eyeliner, so I stepped forward and asked if she wanted help. She agreed telling that she wanted to look good but sucked at make-up. Her words not mine. » We started laughing and she continued « So I propose to help her. I told her that she was already beautiful and that no amount of make-up would change that and asked her to trust me. She told me her icon was David Bowie so, I did her the famous Ziggy Stardust thunder but with the colors of the rainbow. People gathered around us and after I finished, they loved it. The girl literally jumped on my neck hahah. Others asked if I could do theirs and that’s how it started. Now I do when I can for any occasion - event, carnival, halloween, pride month, dia de los muertos » she finished. I was fascinated by her talent. « Why don’t you work as make-up artist? », I wondered. « I’m not a professional, just have a vivid imagination », she laughed. I came in front of a picture where the person was divided in male/female. « Ah yes that one. It took me hours to finish it but the person was happy. » « This is really impressive. Do you mind if I take your book home and show it to Anthony? » « No, no problem », she replied.

A week later, I was reading a book when my phone started ringing. It was Y/N. She asked me if I could take care of Nana for a couple of days and immediately agreed. I recalled her friend’s words ‘She only reaches out when she’s at the bottom of it’. « This must really be bad », I mumble to myself once I hang up. « Babe », I shouted. A minute after, Anthony was in the living room « Yes? » « Nana’s gonna spend some days with us. » « How come? », he asked confused. « Y/N has to work and she has no one else to take care of the pup. » « That girl is intoxicating our sons with her cute dog », he said laughing. « Is Sebastian and Chris still coming? » « Yeah, they must be on their way. Oh now that I recall, it will be the first time Y/N will actually be with us three at the same time. You know how I’ve told you that she first met Sebastian and then it was us and two weeks ago it was Evans. » « Yeah, I recall. I don’t know if it’s fate or something but meeting multiple times famous actors, that’s pretty awesome in my opinion. Especially in a city where thousands of people live. How in the odds you end up finding her after all and without social media. » The actor thought about that for a second « You’re right I never saw it that way. »

Two hours later she arrived, the second she stepped in the kitchen I almost got a shock. Her face was much more slimmer than the last time I saw her and big circles ornamented her eyes. I tried to confront her about it and she denied it. We sat on the table and started eating. Even if she did the best she could to go unnoticed I knew she was really hungry. « Damn Y/N, you famished », Anthony said, making her tense and blush profoundly. I gave my husband a stern look and punch on the thigh. ‘God he’s so stupid’, I thought. Sebastian and Chris were eying Y/N suspiciously and thank god Sebastian deviated the conversation from the scene that just happened. An hour late, she stood up and said that she had to leave. I discreetly told her to take the rest of the food with her but she refused saying that she had food at home and if she didn’t eat it, it would not be good anymore. My eyes kept sending daggers to Anthony and sensing the tense atmosphere in the room Sebastian and Chris decided to leave too.

He finally faced me and said « What? Look, I already apologized for my behavior. » I let a deep breath out and began telling him why I was so mad at him. I told him about her getting fired, about what her best friend revealed me. That I saw the warning bills on the table. « Did you not see how much weight she lost? » « I noticed but didn’t thought it was because of that. Sure she looked tired too but how am I supposed to know that. » « That’s why I lied about Nana’s food. She didn’t leave the bag but I’ll buy the dog’s food. » He dropped his head in his hands before saying « Why didn’t she said anything? » « That’s what I asked her best friend but apparently she’s like that with everyone. » « God, I feel even worse about that stupid comment. » I patted his shoulder « I know babe. It saddens me too. I even insisted for her to take the rest of tonight’s diner and she straight lied to my face saying she had some at home. I know she’s lying but I can’t force her. » « Should we tell Sebastian and Chris? » « Absolutely not. She will be pissed at us. Let’s see if things work out on their own, since she’s starting a new job and if I see that it’s not getting better, we’ll tell them. » He nodded « Alright babe. »

The next few days were terrible. You would wake up early, head down the dinner, do your shift, leave back home, take a small shower and head down the bar to start your second shift. If you slept 4 hours, it was already a blessing. The bills kept coming and you only would receive your salary at the end of the month. « Fucking hell », you shouted in your place when the electricity was cut. There you were laying on your bed, crying your heart out. Good thing you still had battery on your phone. You would charge him at the bar before heading home in order for your alarm to ring. The owner of the dinner you worked during mornings till 3 pm, was a sweet old lady. She told you that coffee was unlimited for the staff and that we could have one meal per day offered. You thanked her for her kindness and she said that the establishment was her baby and that we were her family and that she took care of her family. That day you couldn’t contain your tears and hugged her tightly. Thanks to the tips, you managed to buy the strict minimum for food, the rest of it you had to pay for your phone. You couldn’t keep staying in the dark, so you did the next thing you could. You unplugged the TV and grabbed a small box from your nightstand. Giving out the TV to the store, you managed to get 150$. After that you entered another store and your that’s when your heart broke into tiny pieces.

Actors’s POV (Sebastian / Chris / Sheletta)

- Sebastian’s POV

I woke up early and prepared myself to do my usual morning run. I closed the door, put on my headphones and start running to the beat of New Order « Bizarre Love Triangle ». The small breeze fanning on my sweaty skin was a pure pleasure. After running 5 miles, I slowed down and made my way to grab some well deserved breakfast. I was walking when I noticed Y/N get out of a store across the street. I tried to call her but there was too much noise on the street. I stopped on my tracks and read the name of the shop she just got out ‘Gold for Cash’. ‘That’s weird’, I thought. My legs transported me like mechanically across the street and I entered the shop. I looked around and saw glasses with jewelry. « Hello how can I help you Sir? », exclaimed the man behind the counter. « Hello, I know this may sound weird but the girl who just left your shop is a friend of mine and I was wondering. Did she bought something? », I asked. « Oh I understand. No she exchanged a gold bracelet she had against cash. » I looked at him surprised and sensing it he continued « Poor girl, she seemed upset. Here let me show you. » He stuck a gold bracelet out of a small box and presented it to me. « Upset you said? » « Yes. She clearly didn’t want to sell it, saying it was the last thing she had from her mother but that she didn’t had another choice and needed the money. » My heart rate accelerated, confused at why she had to do that. « How much is it? » « Well…normally I would have sell it for more than I gave to her, but seeing her devastated state and since you’re her friend, I could sell it to you for the price I gave her », the man said. « How much? » « 800$ » « Good God that’s a lot for a bracelet. » « It may seem like it Sir, but this right here is pure gold. Look if you pay attention here, you can see that this type of gold is dated from decades ago. I’m pretty sure the bracelet must have been in her family for a long time. » I couldn’t just leave it there and asked if I could pay with credit card. 5 minutes later, I left the store with the precious bracelet in my backpack.

- Chris’s POV (2 days later)

« Mister Evans, Dodger is all set now. It was a small cold », said the vet. « Thank you doctor. » I grabbed my buddy and left the cabinet down to the secretary. The doctor followed me and asked the secretary about the next patient. « Oh Doctor, I forgot to tell you yesterday. Y/N passed by yesterday and paid a small portion of the medical bill. » « Small portion? », he asked. I couldn’t help myself and listening to them. « Yes, 150$. She said she would do as fast as she can to pay the rest. » « It’s been a month, we will give her the rest of the week. After that, we will have to ask a bailiff, who will have to seize the rest of the bill on her furniture », he commented calmly. « Yes Doctor », replied the secretary. I swallowed harshly and asked her « Sorry to interrupt but I couldn’t help and listen to what just happened. Were you talking about Y/N Y/L/N owner of Nana? » She checked her computer and exclaimed « Yes that’s her » My mouth opened and closed multiple times before I cleared my throat « I know her. It happens to be one of my friends. Can I know how much left there is to pay? » She eyed me hesitantly before disposing a paper version of the bill. « That’s what has already been paid and this right here, is what’s still left. » I tried to assimilate the information as fast as I could in my brain and looked at Dodger for a minute. « Tell the doctor to not worry about it anymore. I will pay what’s left to pay. » Her eyes widened and I took my card out in order to pay mine and Y/N’s bill. ‘Good thing tonight with Seb we’re invited at Mackie’s. Maybe they know something about this.’, I thought.

- Sheletta’s POV

I heard the doorbell ring and Mackie let his friends in. As usual when someone arrives, Nana went running towards the visitors. « Heyy little cookie », said Sebastian. « Hello Sheletta, how are you? », greeted Chris. « I’m good and you? » He nodded and took the dog from Sebastian’s grip in order for him to greet Sheletta. « How come Nana’s here? Is Y/N here? », asked Chris. « No, she couldn’t made it today. She’s working but Nana has been staying here for almost a week now. » Both of them looked surprised between you and Anthony, who just shrugged. I cleared my throat and headed back in the kitchen. « Where are the kids? », asked Sebastian to Anthony. « They’re with their grandparents. » « Uhh nice », said Chris with a smug smirk. « Yeah, it’s great to spend some time alone with Sheletta without the little monsters », Mackie chuckled.

« Diner’s ready », I shouted and heard them join you. We started eating and talked about all and everything before Y/N came up. « Do you know how’s Y/N? », asked Chris. I almost chocked on my wine and dropped down my head, avoiding their gaze. I took a quick glance towards Anthony who was giving me the same look. « Ok, what’s going on? Why are you looking at each other like that? », said Sebastian. I cleared my throat and said weakly « I don’t know what you’re talking about Sebastian. » The actors narrowed their eyes, clearly aware that we were keeping something from them. « Babe », Anthony’s voice came out. I shook my head ‘no’. « Look, I think she’s in trouble », exclaimed Chris. My eyes widened and I snapped my head at his direction. « Why are you saying that Chris? », I asked. He let a long deep breath and said « I was at the vet today for Dodger and I heard the doctor talking with the secretary that Y/N has been a month late on her bill and that if she didn’t paid it, a bailiff would handle the payment. So…I paid her bill », he said. My breath got stuck at my throat. « Guys », whispered Sebastian. We looked at him. « Two days ago, I saw her enter a ‘Gold for Cash’ shop and followed her. The owner told me she sold the last thing she owned from her mother for money. Is she financially struggling? » I closed my eyes before looking at Anthony. He nodded his head slowly telling you that it was time for them to know. Both of them focused on you.

« Ok. I guess it’s only fair that you’ll know now », I started. « A month ago she got fired and I only knew because her best friend told me not on purpose. She was searching for a job but didn’t found one at the time. Her best friend noticed one day going at her place that her fridge was empty, so I went with her to the grocery store and spend the rest of the evening with Y/N. But a couple of days later, she phoned me to ask if I could keep Nana for a while because she had a lot of work and couldn’t stay with her and we agreed. It was the day of the diner. Her best friend’s assumptions were right, when I saw her walk in the kitchen. Her face was slimmer and she looked tired. » « Yes I remember. She did looked pale », Chris commented. « Yeah and me with my big mouth said the thing, but in my defense I didn’t know that she was struggling », exclaimed Anthony. « Anyway, I proposed her the rest of the diner and she refused and lied straight to my face. After that, she only dropped by twice to see Nana and that was it. I have no other news, except for what you just reveled and a text message from her best friend asking me if I had heard from her », I finished.

There was a long silence before Sebastian spoke up « She didn’t had any food and she didn’t told us? » I dropped my head again. « But if she’s working again, why would she sell the bracelet? », asked Chris. « She started two weeks ago and like usually, she must receive her salary at the end of the month. If she didn’t have any until then, that explains why she sold it », told Anthony. « What about the vet? », asked Seb. « You said she was fired and only got the new jobs later. That could mean that the bills, I don’t know rent and everything kept coming and she didn’t managed to have money for everything », said Chris calmly. « I’m really worried about her. I know we only know her for a couple of months but still, she became important for me, for the kids », I mumbled. « I can’t believe she didn’t tell us anything », said Sebastian frustrated. « I love the fact she’s independent and doesn’t asks for money, because let’s face it we’re wealthy, but not to the point when she’s starving herself and working her ass off day and night with her two jobs », I said. « Two? », whispered Chris. « Yeah at a dinner during day and bar at night », responded Anthony. « She has so much potential, she could be a make-up artist », I said more to myself. « What are you talking about babe? » You looked back at him « Do you remember after I came from her place and you said my make-up looked good, it was her and I …. » I stopped in the middle of my phrase. « Sheletta? », called Chris hesitantly. I stood up and went to the purse I had that day and took the book out. « Here check it out. God I completely forgot that I had her book. » I showed it to them.

« Wow this is awesome », said Sebastian mesmerized. « She did all of this? », asked Chris to whom you nodded. « What should we do? », asked Sebastian. « I don’t know », I replied and gave them a sad look.

* gif and pictures not mine, credit to owners*

Tag List : @prettybubblesintheair @kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls

#marvel #mcu #cast #Sebastian Stan #anthony mackie #chris evans #plus size reader #plus size #reader #fanfic #fanfiction #sheletta #revelations #problems

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jdixiidbcjwob1 · 3 years

Text

You hadn’t been able to keep your hands off him since you both got out of the shower; there’d been too much foreplay within the steamy, dangerously close proximity for you to withhold any longer.

It’d started innocently enough with him helping wash down your back with a sudsy loofah as you massaged shampoo into his sopping curls. He hadn’t meant for it to escalate the way it did— he just wanted it to be a nice couple activity that would help both of you unwind from the recent stressors that had been set on the world’s shoulders.

Robbie had pulled you close under the drizzling stream of warm water, working the soapy sponge down the curved line that accentuated the center of your spine, rolling it in lazy circles across the dip of your back. His head had nuzzled into your damp neck, mouth pressing to the mellow pulse, the skin of his lips rubbery and squeaky against your own.

You had squeezed out a decently sized glob of shampoo into the palm of your hand, slowly carding your fingers into his matted ringlets, starting at the nape of his neck and working the product upwards tenderly into his scalp.

The soothing motions of the pads of your digits had made his knees buckle slightly, a gurgley, raw moan elbowing its way out from the back of his throat without his permission. “Fuck, that’s so good, baby.”

The vibrations of the deep groan had sunken into the flexing tendons of your throat, radiating through your entire body and burrowing into your bones. You’d nearly collapsed in his lean arms right then and there.

You get the feeling he could sense the impact it’d had on you due to the way his forearms had tightened around your torso; it was like he could sense your limbs about to give out into him.

Your lips had flushed against the penetrating thump echoing in his temple, your fingers winding harder into his hair until he released a tiny, guttural whimper. Your voice had come out as a wispy mumble, drunk on the sensation of his nails gently scraping up and down the fleshy mounds of your hips. “Missed this.”

Robbie’s nod has been slow and numb, his eyes lulled shut and mind half submerged in the comforting heat exchanging between your tangled bodies, also lost in the pattering of the water working the knots out of his tense back. When he spoke, his words were a low and jumbled hazy mess, accent slathered thicker than usual. “God, I fucking missed you.”

A fond, flattered smile had wrestled with your cheeks. “Yeah?”

“So much— more than anything.” Robbie’s lips had started rubbing against the faint outline of your collarbones, the breath of his sentences searing your skin with pinpricks of pleasure. “Missed your smell and your smile and how pretty you look when you sleep. Missed the way you snort when you laugh too hard and the way you tuck your hair behind your ears when I compliment you because they get all hot.”

Your feet are suddenly swept from under you, sliding backwards across the slippery tiles as Robbie’s arm lifts you off the shower floor just enough to easily glide you towards the nearest wall.

The marble is freezing cold when it hits your back, causing your nails to instinctively rake into his scalp. He seems to enjoy it, obvious in how he pools an appreciative hum into the alcove at the center of your jugular.

He draws back a bit and plunks his forehead to yours, eyebrows furrowing as his lashes flutter and intermingle with your own, muted green irises dazed. You can feel the creases that form between his brows tickle your wet skin.

A sheepish murmur burns your cupid’s bow. “Promised myself I wouldn’t make this about sex so quickly.”

You gift him a gradual bat of your eyes, tongue peeking out to stifle some of the itching running across your upper lip. “Why’s that?”

The way you’re ogling up at him with that innocent doe-like gaze is wearing away at the scarce traces of sanity he has left. He swallows thickly, gnawing at the inside of his cheek to reign in some control, his eyes softening with affection. “Hadn’t seen you in so long that I just wanted to spend some quality time together. Don’t want you to think I’m with you just for the shagging.”

You burst into a round of airy laughter, head falling back and thunking hollowly against the speckled black wall of the bathroom. “S’not really a problem to me given that the shagging is pretty good.”

Robbie’s swollen, tinted lips break into a sly grin of their own, the tip of his nose streaking across yours in an intimate, light-heated gesture. A boyish giggle flutters in the back of his throat, two front teeth tugging at his lower lip thoughtfully. “It is really fucking good, isn’t it?”

You mirror his action as images of past nights flicker behind your eyes like pages of book— an extensive, very heated, very graphic novel. “So fucking good, honey.”

His eyelids droop over his dilating pupils, cheekbones blossoming with various shades of red and pink at the use of one of his favorite pet names, the light hairs along his tan arms tingling. “Love how that sounds coming from your mouth.”

You thumb over his small ears, paying special attention to the sensitive shells. A shiver wrings across his broad shoulders and you coo a feathery laugh at his expense. “How long’s it been, again?”

You knew how long— you’d been counting the days from the moment he stepped onto the plane. However, hearing him say it himself made you feel comforted, in a way. It was nice to know that he’d kept track of it, too, because it meant he had missed you just as much as you had missed him.

Robbie’s brows cinch yet again as he recalls all those hard days jumping around hotel rooms and sleeping in empty cold beds without your body heat to get him through the difficult nights. His response comes out as a pained sigh. “Two months.”

You nod your head in sympathetic agreement, tucking a rouge damp curl behind his ear. “Two months exactly. So with that taken into consideration, you can see why I’m not against you fucking me sore as soon as possible…”

His eyes fly open at your crude remark, pupils blown way out of portion as the light olive color inks a darker emerald hue. “Jesus Christ, you’ve got the filthiest mind, y’know that?”

Robbie pries an arm from around your waist, the textured pad of his index finger tracing delicately along the curve of your bottom lip. He expresses his thoughts aloud, tone one of awed need. “Such a pretty mouth with such a dirty fucking tongue. Daydream about it constantly.”

You part your lips, coaxing the digit inside and just barely biting down on it teasingly. “Yeah? What do you think about?”

A breath catches in Robbie’s throat, veins chiseling into existence as the muscles beneath grow taut with aroused angst. He has to force the words out, feeling the sour aftertaste simmer his sinuses. “I think about shoving myself down your throat and watching you take every inch while your eyes water. Think about guiding your head with a fist in your hair while you moan around my cock and beg for me cum in your mouth.”

He pauses for a second, mouth ghosting over yours, the corners twitching with playful smugness as he notices the air struggling to leave your lungs. “But mostly, I think about that dreamy little smile you get when I tell you what a good girl you are for me. Y’know the one, right? That wispy grin you give me despite the fact that your mouth is full.”

You lick over your suddenly chapped skin, having trouble swallowing with a dry throat. You manage to croak out a measly phrase that is hardly enough to communicate the raging in your lower belly.

“Need you.”

Robbie’s too cocky for his own good and he’s well aware of it, but he can’t stop himself from making a mildly arrogant comment— especially not when he knows how much it gets you going.

“Need me to what, darling? Use your words.”

You give a rough yank to the curls along the back of his head as revenge for his condescending attitude, pushing down the way it makes your stomach boil. His neck jerks back, exposing his flexing throat and sharp jaw, a self-assured smirk jolting the edges of his ridiculously beautiful mouth. He releases a teensy hiss at the harsh actions, which slowly molds into a round of tempting chuckles.

You swallow down your pride and speak up.

“Need you to fuck me. Please.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

You both rinse off hastily, making sure to get rid of all the soap and shampoo to avoid embarrassing rashes interrupting the hours of exertion that are sure to come.

You’re out in less than ten minutes, Robbie standing before the mirror shaking out his tangled curls with a thick cotton towel as another one barely clings to his waist, back muscles contracting and stretching with his movements. His tanned skin seems to glow under the fluorescent lights of the washroom, dark tattoos prominent and alluring, especially along the prominent structure dipping downwards from his hips.

You dry off as quickly as possible, not being able to resist the urge to touch him in some way. Your lips are on his pulse in an instant, the palm of one of your hands delving under the linen cloth and running along the underside of his shaft. The feeling of him plumping in your cupped digits has your eyes rolling shut.

A conceited whisper plucks at your ears and froths the pit of your tummy. “Forgot what a desperate little thing you are.”

“Just hurry up.”

Robbie twists around and tosses the towel he’d been using on his curls onto its designated hook, finger-combing his locks up into a miniature ponytail and tying it off with the pastel pink velvet scrunchie you had left discarded on the bathroom counter. “What’s that one line about patience being a virtue or summat?”

“Well, I don’t wanna wait.“

He turns to face you, reaching up to cup your face gently with his large hand, squeezing your jaw jokingly and kissing the tip of your cold nose. “Well, you’re gonna have to. I have to take a picture to send to Zane Lowe for the interview tomorrow.”

You kink an eyebrow upwards, curiosity momentarily stifling the need to feel him pressed up against your stomach. “Right now? Fresh out of the shower?”

Robbie gives a casual shrug, one end of his mouth curling into a nonchalant simper. “The faster it gets done, the better. Plus, I get the feeling I won’t be leaving the bed for a while so it’s best I do it now.”

Your fingers tighten around the base of his prick, the coarse, neatly trimmed hair of his pelvis itching your skin. “Fine.”

He reaches for his phone, opening up the camera and pointing it at the mirror, making sure to keep the reflection of his bare ass out of frame, as well as the hand tugging him off beneath the sink.

You thumb over the head of his cock, collecting the precum pearling out of the tip and using it as lubrication to speed up your pace.

Robbie’s entire body jerks in response, jaw clenching and collarbones straining his skin. His arms are shaky and he’s cursing under his breath as he tries to snap an appropriate photo.

“Just take the picture, H.”

“S’what I’m trying to do but it’s a little hard when something else is demanding my attention in such an insistent way.”

“Take it or I’m going to drop on my knees right now and you’ll have to apologize to Zane and the team tomorrow.”

He captures a quick, somewhat half-assed image with his face hidden behind the phone— the teeth marks littering his lips would cause a catastrophic earthquake within the media.

His phone ends up in the towel hamper, his leftover towel ends up on the floor, and you end up getting exactly what you wanted.

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