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yelena-bellova · 3 years

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Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader - Chapter Nine

chapter eight - Chapter Nine: The Soldier and the Mutant - chapter ten

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n deals with the new knowledge about who her father truly was and receives a surprise visitor.

Warnings: angst, fluff, fluff, FLUFF, my gosh it’s nearly suffocating how much fluff, language, one allusion to sex, mentions of suicide, mentions of torture

Word Count: 10.1k

A/N: I’m just gonna let this one speak for itself, thanks for being so patient 😉

----

“HYDRA?”

“HYDRA…” I sighed.

Melanie and I were sat on her front porch, coffee cups in hand and revelations on our lips. I’d been home for two days and the shock of finding out about my father’s longstanding lie, while still fresh, was morphing into numbness. Being his daughter too, Mel needed to know the truth as well.

“This guy’s gotta be lying,” my sister waved a hand in front of her, “He has to be, he’s a criminal a-and he’s crazy.” “He’s not lying, Mels,” I held my head in my hand with my elbow resting on my chair, “I went online and scoured the internet, Dad’s name was listed in the HYDRA files leaked ten years ago.”

Mel leaned forward in her seat and hung her head, bracing her weight on her knees. My sister had always been a rock, unshakable even in the face of the worst circumstances. Even though she was keeping it together for my sake, I could see the well of emotions that would spring up once I was gone. “I can’t believe this,” she mumbled, shaking her head softly, “But looking back, it makes so much sense.” I furrowed my brows at her, “You wanna spell this one out for me?”

“Think about it,” she turned in her seat to face me, “Dad was wracked with guilt every day since he came home from the,” she set her mug down on the coffee table and made air quotes, “‘service.’ Nightmares and flashbacks and that awful depression…I mean, the man tore himself apart for what he’d done when he wasn’t passed out from drinking. He’d have had to do some pretty nasty things to feel that much guilt.” “Yeah, well, he should have felt guilty,” I grumbled, staring down at the coffee to hide the tears slowly forming in my eyes, “He hurt innocent people.”

“Wow…” she said quietly.

I sat forward in my seat, “Mom can never find about this, the shock could kill her. And as much as I feel like she should know who she was married to, I don’t think I can destroy another person’s image of Dad.” “No, I don’t think we should tell her either,” Mel agreed, taking a sip from her coffee, “I’m sorry enough that you had to find out. Wait,” she slapped a hand over my arm, “Does Bucky know? You said you and Sam were working with him.” I had done my best to put Bucky out of my mind for the past two days, failing spectacularly. I had gotten so used to him being by my side the past week that once he was gone, it felt like something was missing. Never mind the way I’d left him, those blue eyes begging me not to shut him out, the very same thing I’d asked him not to do. I had to remind myself at least ten times a day that removing myself from his life was for his good.

“Yeah, he knows,” I looked back down at my lap, squeezing the coffee mug so tight, I thought it might shatter. Mel threw her hands out to their sides, “And?”

“And he knows,” I replied, knowing that wouldn’t be a good enough answer for her. “So this guy finds out that our dad tortured him for years and he’s been running around Europe with his daughter and he had no reaction? What are you not telling me?” “Mel, what do you want me to say?” I snapped my head up, “He was there when Zemo told me and he’s not with me now, there’s nothing more to tell…"

I may have been a mutant, but sometimes I wished I’d have gotten my sister’s detective skills instead. She could take one look at a person and go Sherlock Holmes on their ass before they knew what hit them. It was one of the reasons she’d made such a good psychologist before becoming a stay-at-home mom.

Mel inhaled sharply and her eyes widened, “Oh my gosh, do you-“ “Don’t say it,” I held up a hand and forcefully pressed my eyes shut, a few teardrops squeezing out onto my eyelashes, “Please don’t say it.” As requested, she fell silent, her hand slipping onto my shoulder and rubbing small circles. I trained my eyes ahead of me, focusing on the last remnants of the morning’s sunrise. I’d always loved getting up early enough to watch the light spread across the sky, giving me hope that whatever pain I was feeling was only temporary. I found no such comfort gazing at the spectacle in my current state.

“It’s better this way,” I said, not able to look at her lest she see my contradictory eyes, “Trust me.” “Well,” Mel sighed loudly, “You’re the one that knows the guy…Just promise me one thing?” “Hmm?” She pulled one of my hands out of the death grip I had on my cup and took it into one of hers, “This is huge news, life-shattering, and we’re allowed to process it however we need to. But I see that look in your eyes, none of this is on you. Don’t blame yourself for what Dad did to him.” And if Mel had spent the time I had with Bucky, watched him in the bar in Madripoor, been in the therapy session with him, seen his reaction to losing his arm in Riga, I knew she’d feel different. I had a front row seat to Bucky’s PTSD and my father had been the ringleader. How could I not feel a little responsible? ——

Sam, Sarah and I had talked the boat situation over the morning before. The offer that Sarah had received from the guy who had been interested before Sam returned home had fallen through, he’d cited the reason as that it would take more money to fix than it was worth. Ever the hero, Sam had phoned everyone in the community who had known his parents and called in as many favors as he could. As I pulled up to the docks, ready to roll up my sleeves and begin working, I was delightfully surprised at how many people had responded. There were at least a dozen sets of helping hands waiting to work. It was moments like these that reminded me how lucky I was to live in such a close knit community.

I weaved through people, greeting and thanking everyone for coming out as I made my way to the boat. “Black Falcon to the rescue again, huh?” I called out to Sam as I climbed aboard, he was standing at the bow of the ship next to somebody whose back was turned to me. “You know it,” Sam called back, turning around and facing me, along with the man who he’d been in conversation with.

It was Bucky.

My heart stopped and I froze in my tracks, adrenaline shooting through my veins. Our eyes met across the deck and we may as well have been back in Sokovia. There was the same pain threaded through his ocean blue eyes only enhanced by the fear reflecting in mine. I wanted to run to him and away from him all at once, but knew which instinct needed to be listened to.

I looked to Sam and faked a hopefully convincing smile, “I’ll be below deck.” Hurriedly, I hauled my ass across the deck and raced down the steps. My hands flew to cover my nose and mouth as my breathing increased. He was here, he couldn’t be here, why was he here? Any progress I’d made, however small, in trying to put Bucky to rest had been revived the second I saw his face.

“You wanna explain what that was?” I looked up to see Sam stepping off the final stair and crossing his arms in front of me, “One day you’re friends and the next you bolt outta the room when you see the guy?” “Just,” I strained, stopping to take as soothing a breath as I was capable of and straightening my posture, “Keep me where he isn’t.” Sam sighed, reading me all too well, “Y/n, if this is about your dad, there’s noth-“ “Now what needs to be done down here?” I interrupted, placing my hands on my hips and hoping that if I projected confidence, I’d start to feel it.

“Fine,” Sam conceded to my wishes and gestured to the engine we were standing next to, “Check the zincs. If you need to replace ‘em, we’ll have to run down to Joe’s. And just so you know,” he stood at the steps and pointed between me and where Bucky most likely stood above us, “I don’t agree with this.” I shook my head to shake myself out of the moment as he left me to my work, blissfully hidden from the person I wanted to be with most.

——

I had never experienced a more uncomfortable day.

For the entire morning and afternoon, it was like switching a light on and off. If Bucky came below deck to fix something, I filed out as quick as I could to work above deck. We didn’t interact more than when we passed each other once in a while, each brush of shoulder sending a jolt of electricity through me. Sam had been no help either, he’d prevented me from making the necessary run to the hardware store or helping Sarah with lunch. He was determined to try and quarantine me and Bucky on the boat, most likely in hopes that my resolve would weaken. No matter how much it was killing me, I kept my distance and my head down as we made repairs in awkward silence.

When the sun began to set over the waters and there was nothing left to be done for the day, I carefully made my way up the stairs and listened for voices. When I heard none close by, I took quick steps across the deck and hopped off the boat onto the dock. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder to see if Bucky, who was stealthy enough to sneak up on anyone, was behind me and kept on my path to the outdoor kitchen area Sarah was closing up. “Good day?” I asked, grabbing an extra rag to try and get the oil off my hands from working on the engine.

“Better than you,” she retorted, “You’ve had that sour look on your face since you got here.” “Just,” I sighed and stopped my rigorous rubbing for a second, “Still thinking about everything…” Stopping her cleaning while I resumed mine, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against mine. Out of Sam, Melanie, myself and her, Sarah was the most removed from the situation. My dad hadn’t interacted much with the Wilsons, he hadn’t interacted with hardly anyone outside of his family, so Sarah didn’t have many memories with him nor had she fought HYDRA. It was actually nice to be around someone who didn’t have his dirty deeds bouncing around their head like an old school Microsoft screensaver.

“You,” she pressed a kiss to the side of my head, “Are one of the best human beings I know and nothing can change that, not even this.” Starting the argument that this revelation did in fact change a lot of things would be useless, I knew better than to try and prove Sarah wrong. I simply patted her arm and leaned into her embrace, taking the comfort I could get even if I didn’t necessarily deserve it.

“By the way,” she said as she unwrapped her arms, “Sam invited Bucky to stay the night.” My stomach dropped, “WHAT?” “He was gonna go find a hotel room but that’s ridiculous when he can just crash on the couch,” Sarah shrugged, wiping off the counter once again. “Why?” I pressed my hands to my mouth in a praying position, “Why could you not be an angel who has to help everybody, just this once?”

Sarah turned to face me, placing on hand on her hip, “The guy saved your ass from being killed and ran you to the hospital,” I opened my mouth to ask her how she knew that, she held up a finger to me, “Sam told me all about Riga. It’s the least we can do for him. And don’t even think about running to Mel’s place for the night, you promised the boys you’d take them to school tomorrow morning.” I stood there, nervously wringing the cloth through my hands as Sarah walked away to finish up another task before night fell. All my efforts to keep away from Bucky were failing and it wasn’t due to anything on my part. How was I supposed to protect him if we were constantly around each other? As I looked out to the deck of the boat, I could see Sam and Bucky had winded up there drinking beers to celebrate their long day of work. It was a scene that only days ago, I could have easily slipped into. I didn’t just miss Bucky, I missed the dynamic the three of us had grown to have. Sam would have pressed a beer into my hand and lightheartedly elbowed me, I’d have settled down next to Bucky whose hand would have naturally drifted to the small of my back…It would have been a perfect end to the day. Instead, I was cursing my father for ever having dipped a toe in HYDRA’s pool, his decision had ruined my life.

——

I had two vendettas, one with Sam for inviting Bucky to stay and one with my quickly drying throat that begged for water.

Laying in bed with my pillow smashed across my face, I peeked one eye out to check my alarm clock. 1:29AM. I’d laid in the same position for an hour, hoping that sleep took me over and my thirst would die till the morning. The family had been asleep for hours and with the amount of work Sam and him did, Bucky should have been passed out too. If I pulled it off just right, I could sneak downstairs to grab a bottle of water and get out before he ever stirred. Waking an ex-assassin wouldn’t be good for either of us.

I tiptoed out of my room, mindful of the creaking door as I passed AJ and Cass’ bedroom. Once I got to the stairs, I chose a silent approach and used my energy to float my way down the steps. I continued doing so through the kitchen, sneaking a peek over to the couch to see Bucky sound asleep. I opened up the fridge quietly and reached in blindly, feeling around till I hit a bottle and pulling it out. Tucking the bottle under my arm, I placed my hands back at my side and began to let the energy lift me.

“You do know I can hear you, right?” The familiar voice startled me, causing me to absorb the energy back into my palms quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration before turning to see Bucky, laying in the same position I’d found him in with his lids still shut. “Forgot,” I said, hoping he didn’t hear the shake in my voice, “Super soldier.”

Flipping the blanket Sarah had given to him off his body, he swung his long legs off the couch and sat up to face me. It truly wasn’t fair how good he looked even in the middle of the night, the moonlight coming through the windows and highlighting his silhouette. Admiring his profile was the only thing making the uncomfortable silence semi-bearable.

“We need to talk,” he started. “We really don’t,” I hurriedly replied, starting to rotate my body to flee. Bucky stood up, the couch creaking in relief as he did, “Yes, we do. You left so fast the other day I couldn’t get two words in.” “Because you didn’t need to,” I said from my place in the kitchen, “There’s nothing you can say to make any of this better and you shouldn’t. In fact, you should hate me.” He raised a tired eyebrow, “Hate you?”

“Yes,” I said, a little louder, “Hate me for what my father did to you, hate me for being his daughter. I hate me right now, I don’t understand why you don’t.” “Because there’s nothing to hate,” Bucky chuckled softly, “You of all people have given me the least to hate.” “Bucky, of all people you should hate me the most,” I said firmly, setting the forgotten bottle on the counter, “We travel the world all week and then you find out I’m the daughter of the man whose job was to hook you up to machines an-and torture you all day. That’s the man who I drew pictures of and kissed every night before bed and thought was the greatest person to ever walk the fucking planet,” I spread my arms out to accentuate the point, “That man is one of the reasons for all that pain seeping out of you. And guess what? I’m him. I’m literally his flesh and blood! So go ahead, hate me! You have every right to, and it would make this all so much easier if you did.” “Make what easier? Ignoring each other?” Bucky crossed his arms over his broad chest, “I don’t want to do that.” I knew he wasn’t going to let it go, I had only one decent shot at ending the conversation and I needed to take it, even if it broke my heart. “Well, it’s what I want,” I picked up the bottle again, trying to pretend I was as confidant in my decision to walk away as my words were.

“That’s a lie and we both know it,” Bucky said, the tiniest smirk appearing on his lips, something I always found cute but now found annoying.

It may have been the biggest lie I’d ever told in my entire life, but it was also truth. I wanted to leave Bucky before he inevitably left me. “No, it’s not,” I said, my voice threatening to tremble as I used it. “You wanna look me in the eye and tell me that?” I hadn’t dared to make too much contact with those wild eyes that I’d fallen for, I’d only give in all the quicker and let his grace draw me straight into his arms. He’d called my bluff, knowing that lying to him was easy when I didn’t actually have to see him and that I couldn’t continue the charade if that changed. As I dragged my eyes up to meet his, the tears I’d been fighting back began to come forward. He looked broken and whole at the sight of me, exactly how I felt.

“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I whispered, my throat closing with emotion.

“I want you to tell me, to my face,” he paused, drawing a shallow breath, “That I’m crazy and that I read every signal wrong.” It would have been less painful if he’d sucker punched me with his left hand, I’d have actually preferred it. It had taken everything in me to tell just one lie, I couldn’t do it again to either one of us. But I also couldn’t succumb to my feelings. “Bucky…” I shakily began, clenching my fists at their sides.

“Because you’ve been living in my head pretty much since the minute I met you, and I don’t wanna sweep this week under the rug like it was nothing,” Bucky made a sweeping motion with his hand, “I don’t think I can.” “Bucky, we can’t…I can’t do that to you.” “Do what?” he asked confusedly, squinting his eyes as if he couldn’t see the issue. “I don’t want to hurt you!” I snapped, allowing the tears to break free of their restraints and shed themselves, “There’s going to come a day where every memory of what he put you through is going to be blamed on me and I can’t wait for the day where you wake up and look at me like I’m the monster my father was. I can’t have a little of you, Bucky, and then lose you entirely.” My cheeks were wet with my guilt, I made no effort to dry them or cease their streams. I stood there on the edge of where the kitchen met the living room staring at the man who held my heart, trying to pry it from his hands to no avail. Bucky looked just as surprised by the revelation as I’d been when it flew from my lips without any opposition from my head.

“What did you say to me in Riga?” he whispered, his voice raising slightly to try and emphasize the point he was about to make, “’I don’t believe that any part of you is capable of me?’ ‘That’s not who you really are?’” he echoed my sentiments from days ago, “You’re not him. If I believed there was any of him in you, I wouldn’t be standing here begging you to stop beating yourself up about this.” He took a step forward, waiting to see if I walked away but I was too focused on him to think about running. He continued coming forward, “Y/n, I can’t walk away from this like you mean nothing to me. You’re the first person I’ve met that sees me as Bucky Barnes before anything else. I gave you every reason to write me off and you didn’t give up on me,” he paused, swallowing harshly as he stopped in front of me, “When I’m with you, I feel safe for the first time in a long time. There’s never gonna come a day where I stop lookin’ at you like you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

There were mere inches left between us, the words I had been dying to hear were now mine for the taking and I was too paralyzed with shock to react. Of course he had to come and hit me with my own affirmations, making perfect sense. The side of my mind that believed I didn’t deserve this happiness was screaming that these feelings would fade, that my father’s sins would always be at the forefront of us. The other side that wanted nothing more than to reach out and close the distance between us was telling me to believe him and let myself be cared for, something I’d always believed I was too broken for. And somehow they were both drowned out by the excitement I felt with Bucky in such close proximity, staring down at me with those cerulean pools, infused with the darkness that sent a chill down my spine. There was a palpable change in the air, from emotional to the great and grand something we finally near naming. Every part of me wanted to reach out and take him for for myself, to kiss him and pull him so close that there was no telling where I began and he ended. If there was a chance for me to back out, it was now. I could run to my room, to my car, anywhere that he wasn’t. But at the end of the day, that wasn’t what I wanted. I could either let myself be held captive by crimes I’d never committed, or I could dedicate myself to loving the man who the universe had somehow tied me to long ago.

“Tell me to stop,” Bucky said, his voice hitting that low timbre that made goosebumps break out across my skin.

I couldn’t deny either one of us any longer.

Bucky took a step towards me, his eyes never leaving mine as I backed to accommodate him and his plans. A small gasp left me as my back hit the kitchen wall, my hands reaching back to press against it to try and find purchase on something. There was now only a breath’s width of space left between Bucky and I, our shared air growing more and more heated as we bathed in the anticipation of the moment. His eyes flicked between my y/e/c ones and my lips, looking for any signs of hesitation that didn’t exist. He placed a finger under my chin to tilt my head to his liking, pausing to take in the sight of my tear streaked face in the last seconds before we let loose the storm that had been brewing inside us both. I took the time to admire the wonder on his face, the two of us his newest discovery in a world he had long been asleep to.

He leaned in and our lips finally touched, euphorically.

I found myself unable to move, overwhelmed by the sensation I’d wanted to feel since our dance in Madripoor. Bucky didn’t overstep his bounds, he kept our mouths softly connected as we absorbed each other. When he disconnected our lips, whether to repeat the act or pull away, my body snapped into action and my hands flew to his neck, pulling him back down to me. Our lips didn’t fight for dominance so much as they did try and take in as much of each other as they could. Bucky’s hand slipped from my chin and both fell to my hips, pulling me flush against his body. On his tongue, I could taste the remnants of however many beers he’d shared with Sam, they’d stayed on the boat till the first evening stars started to appear. The scent of him, freshly showered after a long day of work, invaded my senses and spurred me on further, my hands moving to fist the back of his blue henley. With our kisses becoming more fervent, Bucky’s metal arm wrapped around my hips and lifted me so effortlessly, it only made the moment more heated. I wound my legs around his waist and let him carry me to wherever he desired, him easily supporting my weight and never disconnecting our lips as he fell to the couch. My hands snaked up his back to thread themselves through the short brown locks, causing him to pull away with a soft moan before diving back into my mouth. His flesh hand took hold of the back of my head and pushed me further into the kiss, trying to taste as much of me as he could. This. This was what I had been craving since the moment I’d realized I was far more starved of Bucky’s touch than I’d thought I’d been. The delightful friction our bodies created, the pressure of our lips dancing together, the knowledge that I was just as much his as he was mine. No more questioning, no more stolen moments wondering what could have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted. This was whole and perfect and right.

Eventually, the second long breaks we took for became insufficient and we needed to part for longer. Bucky looked gorgeously spent, his half lidded eyes following me, his lips deliciously swollen and his hair messed up from where my hands had been. I smiled as I dragged my hands to his cheek and ran my thumb over his plump lower lip, bringing a lopsided grin to his face. There was a joy I hadn’t seen him express yet and my stomach flipped knowing that I was the one to bring it in him.

“Don’t leave,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly in the aftermath of our passion, “Please.” In my palms, I held one of the world’s most deadly men, someone whose reputation had consisted of how ruthless a killer he’d once been. And here he was, warm and soft and begging me not to go. “I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, delighting in how his eyes brightened at hearing my words. Contrasting the intensity of the minutes before, I leaned in and brushed my lips against Bucky’s with as little pressure as I could. He chased them the second I pulled away, eliciting a giggle out of me that he swallowed, kissing me so lovingly it almost broke my heart. He inhaled me like I was oxygen and he’d been deprived far too long. It didn’t occur to me that there was a chance I was his first kiss since before he shipped out in the ’40’s. “I don’t wanna stop,” he mumbled against my lips. “Then don’t,” I replied, breathing in his soft exhales, “We’ll stay up all night doing this.” Bucky chuckled, pulling away from my mouth to turn his head and press tender kisses to the palm I’d been cradling his cheek in. He tugged me closer then, my hands winding around his shoulders and his face burying itself in my neck. My laugh at the sensation of his scruff quickly morphed to a moan as he planted drawn out kisses against every inch of the bruises our encounter with Walker in Riga had left me with. I extended my neck to give him better access, feeling his lips twist in a wicked grin as his ministrations caused my breathing to quicken. “Okay, if you keep doing this,” I gasped, trying to steady my voice, “We’re gonna be up all night doing something else.” He pecked the column of my neck once more before pulling his head out and facing me, still smiling. I pressed my forehead to his and he nuzzled his nose against mine, still desperate to keep any contact he could.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a while,” Bucky confessed, rubbing his metal hand up and down my back, “Thought about it in Riga, when we were fighting, in the alleyway…”

“Me too,” I agreed, grinning uncontrollably, “But you know why I’m glad it didn’t happen till now?” Bucky hummed questioningly, “Because this is the longest we’ve been together without someone interrupting us.”

Bucky chortled loud enough for me to feel the need to cover his mouth, causing me to laugh myself. I never thought that there would come a day where the two of us would be sitting on my couch in the middle of the night, as lighthearted as could be. This was a slice of heaven after all that we’d been through. “Do you believe me now when I say my opinion of you is never gonna change?” Bucky asked. Had he not proven to me that it was true, I wouldn’t have believed it. I’d have punished the both of us for the rest of my life. “As long as you believe me when I say that I know you’ll never hurt me.” I knew that there was so many layers to his pain, most that I would never understand, but he couldn’t keep a part of himself hidden forever. If we were going to do this, we were going do it wholeheartedly, taking the best and the worst parts of each other. The unlovable would never go unloved as long as we were together.

“Okay,” Bucky sighed, tightening the arm around my waist and bringing the other to my face, “Okay.” He pulled me down to press his lips to each of my cheeks, landing one last one to my mouth.

Our kisses became longer and softer, signaling that though we were both eager to explore this new territory, exhaustion was running the show. We eventually slowed down to where Bucky’s face rested in the juncture where my neck met my shoulder while my head rested against his, one arm wrapped around his shoulders and a hand running through his hair. My lips laid featherlight kisses against his temple every few minutes, taking advantage of the fact that I could do so freely now. I could feel his hot breath hit my skin at such a leisurely pace that if it hadn’t have been for his metal thumb rubbing my waist every once in a while, I’d have thought he’d fallen asleep. Eventually, when my eyelids began to shut against my will, Bucky shifted on the couch to lay both of us down. I settled naturally on top of him, my head against his chest and a hand resting on each of his broad shoulders. Just when I thought in my drowsy haze that nothing could make the moment any more perfect, Bucky pressed a sleepy kiss to the top of my head and tightened his arms around my back, securing my body to his.

This was peace.

This was right.

This was what we deserved.

——

At the sound of hushed voices and grunts, my eyes slowly opened. I blinked a few times and made out the sight of my nephews, AJ throwing punches and Cass deflecting them with the shield that had laid in the hallway for days. After days spent witnessing some of the worst the world had to offer, this was the purity that I needed to see.

“Bucky…” I whispered, he inhaled sharply as he awoke with one arm slung over my waist and the other hung over the edge of the couch. I tapped his chest and pointed to my nephews, still oblivious to our presence.

“Hey,” Bucky called, his morning voice rougher than it was the rest of the day.

The boys jumped at the sound, Cass shoving the shield back in its case and him and AJ running as soon as it hit the ground with mischievous smiles on their faces. I laughed softly, looking up to see Bucky lazily smiling. I had the best view in the world, close enough to see the lines that drew his grin up, so different from the frowning ones I was so used to seeing. When he tilted his head down and our eyes met, his smile made no effort to lessen itself.

“Morning,” he said, bringing a hand up to stroke the top of my head.

“Morning,” I replied, shimmying up his body and taking hold of his cheeks, our lips meeting in early morning bliss, “We’re in deep shit.” “Why’s that?” he asked.

“The boys can’t keep a secret to save their lives,” I chuckled, “So you need to enjoy your last day alive because Sam is going to kill you.” Bucky wrinkled his nose as he laughed, “Thanks for the warning.” I dropped my head back to his chest, picking up one of his dog tags in my hand and reading his name pressed in the metal. I’d never been a big believer in fate, but as I rubbed a thumb over the necklace I was reminded that Bucky and I should have never met. He should have been long gone by now, Captain America’s childhood friend who met a tragic end before he could see the war won. He wasn’t supposed to be here, warming my body with his and pressing the sweetest kisses I’d ever known to my skin. Our being together defied time itself.

“Seeing them, the boys…” Bucky began, still stroking my hair, “I think I get what you and Sam were talking about back in Maryland.”

I rested my chin on his pec to see him, his gaze focused on the ceiling in deep thought. “Steve giving him the shield…It’s not the same at all.”

I shook my head, sadly, giving confirmation to his revelation. I didn’t begrudge him for not understanding right away, unless you were in Sam’s shoes you could only have so much of an understanding. The unrelenting way that Bucky had pushed him was what had caused me to call him out on several occasions. But if the week we’d had with our confrontation with the police, meeting Isaiah and coming to Delacroix had finally shown him the flaw in his thinking, I was glad. “I think you should talk to him,” I suggested. He scoffed, “I think I owe him a lot more than that.

“Well, he’s probably already out on the boat. And I,” I groaned as I sat up, straddling Bucky’s hips, “Promised the boys that I’d take them to school so we both need to get up.” Bucky made a similar sound as he swung his legs over the couch, pivoting my body so that we were in a similar position we’d been in in the middle of the night. He took my face in his hand and gave a kiss so long, I knew I’d feel the ghost of his lips until the next time I was able to feel the real thing. To think just hours before I’d been hellbent on convincing him that we couldn’t allow ourselves to act on our feelings. Here I was now struggling to let go of him to spend an hour apart at most.

The giggling on the other side of the wall broke the spell though.

Bucky and I broke apart with a shared smile. “See you in a bit,” I whispered, pressing my hands to his chest and pushing off of him to disappear around the corner.

After dressing for the day, I corralled the boys into my car. I could practically hear their predictable thoughts and feel their eyes boring into the back of my head as I shut my door. “There’s donuts with both your names on them if you promise not to tell Uncle Sam what you saw this morning.”

A resounding chorus of enthusiastic ‘okays’ reminded me that I was the best aunt in the world who made the worst parenting decisions.

——

By nothing short of a miracle, Bucky was still alive when I returned.

We worked on the boat with familiar stolen glances and secret smirks when Sam had his back turned. At some point Sarah kicked the two of them off the boat for attempting to repair the water pump, something she’d been repairing and Bucky and I were forced to separate. As the two men departed the dock, he turned around to catch one last look at me and flashed the smile I’d seen more of in the last twelve hours than I had all week.

“You wanna tell me what changed from last night?” Sarah’s voice broke me out of the daze I was in.

“Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at that man with googly eyes all day,” she climbed aboard the boat, “You’re also lucky that our brother is clueless.”

I rolled my eyes and bumped my hip against hers, “Freakin’ mom vision, can’t get anything past you.” “I’m just glad you got out of your own way, he seems like a good guy,” Sarah smiled, “He’s also fine as hell, if you haven’t noticed. If you wouldn’t have gone for it, I might have.” Our loud laughter mixed together as I whacked her with the towel I’d been using to clean an oil stain off of the boat.

Later that day, after finishing helping my sister with a few repairs we could get done without interruptions from Sam and Bucky, I wandered to our backyard to behold a sight I never thought I’d see. Sam was throwing the shield around while Bucky stood beside him. I stopped at the side of the house to watch, the Vibranium bouncing off of training pads from our garage that were strapped to the tree. Since Sam had brought the shield home six months ago, I’d never seen him do more than pick it up and look at it every once in a while. He’d kept it stored away in his bedroom in its casing, AJ and Cass hadn’t even seen it until he’d left it in the hall after returning from Maryland. To see him wielding it now felt…right. He looked just as natural with it as Steve had. Bucky had made a 180 as well, he looked content watching Sam as he caught the shield in its return journey back to them. If I hadn’t watched them bicker like schoolchildren for the better portion of the week, I’d have mistaken them for friends. “Are you telling me that you two could’ve man-hugged it out back in that interrogation room?” I shouted as I watched them clasp hands and pull each other in, “Coulda spared yourselves a lot of discomfort.”

They both laughed and turned to face me, in an effort to save time as I made my way out to where they stood. “So what’s new?” I asked with a knowing smile, eyeing Sam as he held the shield at his side

“Absolutely nothing,” he replied, “And a little bit of everything.”

I chuckled before my eyes inevitably found Bucky’s, who was already waiting for me with an outstretched palm. “Can I talk to you a minute?” “Yeah,” I reached out and intwined our fingers. “Whoa! Wait, wait, wait,” Sam boomed, gesturing to our locked hands, “What the hell is this?”

“Something new,” I shrugged, looking up and matching Bucky’s smile.

Sam groaned in disgust, “You’ve been here twenty four hours, Barnes, you couldn’t’ve kept your hands off my sister? I-I can’t even look at this, it’s sickening, ugh…” he turned his back to us and began his walk back to the house, spinning around quickly and stuttering, “You know what? I-“ he closed his mouth and shook his head, “Uh-uh, nope, can’t do it.” Bucky and I both snorted as we watched him leave, voicing his displeasure to himself. I looked down and noticed the packed duffle bag that rested at Bucky’s feet, “I get the feeling there’s something you need to tell me?” He sighed, reaching blindly to weave his fingers with my other hand’s set. “There’s something I gotta go do. A couple somethings actually. I talked to Sam, or at least he talked to me,” one corner of his mouth quirked up, “This whole making amends thing, I haven’t been doing the greatest job of it. There’s too many names in that book that don’t have closure about what happened to someone they loved. If I stand a chance at putting what happened in the past, I gotta go ‘do the work’.”

I rubbed my thumb over his smooth metal knuckle, staring down at the space between us. “Yeah, you do,” I looked up at him, “Recovery sucks, there’s no sophisticated way of putting it. Sam and I have both seen the ugly side of it. But you owe it to yourself to work as hard as you can for your freedom, as difficult as it can be sometimes.” Bucky leaned down to press his forehead against mine. “If it hadn’t’ve been for you, I might not have believed that. I wanna get better for you too, to try and be the man you deserve.”

I hummed and bit down on my bottom lip, smiling widely. “So…you kinda like me.” “Yeah,” Bucky chuckled softly, “Just a little bit.”

The warmth I felt radiating through me, brought on by nothing more than a touch of our hands and a shared smile powered me in a way my energy never could. “Go,” I said after a few seconds of silence, “Do whatever you need to do. I think there’s some things here that I need to take care of myself.” Bucky pulled back to look my face over as if to commit every inch to his memory before holding the back of my head and pressing a kiss to my lips. Perhaps it was cruel that I had just gotten him and now had to let him go for an undetermined period of time. But his recovery meant more to me than any amount of heart pounding touches or earth shattering kisses he could give. If we ever had a shot of making it, we needed to go to our separate corners and heal.

I hesitantly broke away from his lips first, rubbing mine together after to memorize the taste he’d left. “If I don’t let you go now, I won’t be able to…” “It won’t be forever,” he shook his head, bumping his nose against mine, “Sam’s gonna call me if he gets a lead on Karli.” Rather than keep him longer with my insecurities about jumping back into hero work now knowing who my father had truly been, I decided that dealing with that was for my personal healing. I reached my arms up to wind around his neck, his finding their new home around my waist and for a split second in time, nothing else mattered. There was just me, Bucky and the future I hoped we had ahead of us. I memorized the feel of him, the rise and fall of his chest against mine, his soft hair between my fingers, the scratch of his stubble against my neck. I hadn’t had time to daydream about Bucky since recognizing my feelings for him but even if I had, they’d have never done the real thing near justice.

“Stay safe, Sergeant,” I said, pulling back to peck his lips one last time and releasing him from my hold.

Bucky picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, giving my hand one more squeeze and holding it as he started to walk backwards. Once we reached a point where the only way to keep the contact was to follow him, we let go with a brush of our fingers till I was only holding air. With a final shared look, he turned his back to me and started down the dirt path that would lead him from our corner of Louisiana to the rest of the world. In so many ways I felt as if we’d traveled back to 1943 when he’d shipped out for England. I was sending him off to another war, this time battling his own past. Above any other feeling I felt for Bucky, the one that topped the list was belief. I believed in him more than he believed in himself and I wanted that to change. He could do it and once he did, there was no telling just how happy we could be.

But I in turn had to deal with my own demons.

——

While I wish I could have said I had a plan like Bucky’s, I had no idea what the first step was to healing past what my father had done.

HYDRA wasn’t a topic that I could just plop down on a therapist’s couch and start discussing, there were only so many people I could talk to about it. I found myself wishing that Steve was still around, next to Bucky he was the world’s leading expert on how much damage the organization could do. Without a blueprint of how to begin mending my wounds, I was left to wallow in my own grief over the man I’d believed my dad to be. Sam, however, was on fire.

After him, Sarah and I had made the unanimous decision that the boat was too important to our family to part with, he had launched into the most intense training I’d ever seen him put himself through. He was both blowing me away and not surprising me at all with his dedication.

One morning, I came outside at his normal time to come home from his 6AM run with a cup of coffee for me and a Gatorade for him. On cue, he came jogging up the dirt path I’d watched Bucky leave on days ago.

“You’re inhuman,” I said, tossing him the drink as he approached, “I’m convinced of it.” “It’s nothin’ you couldn’t be doing,” he panted.

“Yeah, I can run with you or I can get up before sunrise. A combo deal is not gonna happen,” I chortled before taking a sip of my coffee.

Sam joined me and sat down beside me on our back porch, the view of the blue waters a perfect accent to the almost fully risen sun. “Look, I don’t wanna know any details but…you and Bucky?”

I smiled as I stared down into my mug, just the thought of him causing happiness to bloom in my chest. “It was kinda happening the whole time, it just took us a while to realize it.” Sam groaned, taking a long swig of his drink. “That’s all I need to know, as long as you both are happy and not too disgusting with each other,” he looked out the corner of his eyes at me, “I think I can live with it.” “Well, that’s mighty big of you,” I patted his sweaty shoulder, instantly regretting the decision and wiping my palm on my bathrobe, “That shield starting to feel like it’s yours?” Sam chuckled, “It doesn’t feel like it’s not mine anymore, it’s…weird. Talking with Isaiah was sobering and he’s allowed to be as bitter as he wants. The man’s earned to right to feel anything after what he’s been through. But,” he sighed, “I couldn’t let it go. All that pain and suffering, I can’t let it go to waste.” “You couldn’t not be a hero even if you tried,” I shook my head in amazement, beaming with pride at my brother, “I’m proud of you.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” he hit my knee with the back of his hand, “I’ve got Torres working on some things, hopefully we can figure out where Karli might be going next-“ I couldn’t lead both him and Bucky to believe I was seriously considering going back to the fight. “I’m gonna stop you right there,” I held up a hand, “When you find them, it’s gonna be just you and Bucky. I’m out.” He furrowed his brows and twisted to face me fully, “Why?” “I can’t be the hero I thought I could, not after what I found out. It would only be a matter of time till somebody looked me up and figured out who my father was, then what? Some ex-HYDRA member comes looking for me? The public loses trust in me to protect them? Your reputation gets damaged when they realize I’m your sister?” I dropped my head down to stare at my lap, “It’s a bad idea. HYDRA doesn’t breed heroes.”

A beat of silence was played before my brother gave his rebuttal. “Look at me,” I dragged my eyes away from my engrossing coffee to him, “I couldn’t give two shits what people think about you being my sister, cause you know what? They don’t know you. They don’t know what you’ve done to try and stop the Flag Smashers, how you saved my life in that warehouse or how you helped keep our family going for five years. They don’t know how stubborn and caring and how much of a hero you are without your powers,” he paused and smirked at me, “And they’re never gonna know that if you don’t show them. What your dad did was horrible, but you’re not the one that did it. If you didn’t let his secret hold you back from being with Bucky, why’re you letting it hold you back from something else you want? You don’t need to be proud of being his daughter, but you need to make peace with it.”

He was right, as if he could ever be anything other than. Sam was counseling me like a sister but also like one of the countless veterans he’d helped wracked with guilt. I didn’t know if I’d ever fully recover from the hurt that came with the revelation, but if I kept on going how I was, I’d be a complete hypocrite. If Bucky could face the victims of his crimes and confess to them, I should’ve been able to deal with my ghosts. All I’d ever wanted to do was help people, to use that mutated gene of mine to help right wrongs. To do that, I needed to do the work. “This is a far cry from a few days ago when you were ready to send me packing,” I retorted. “Well,” Sam chuckled, “You proved me wrong. Fighting with you by my side just felt right, made me wish you could’ve been there for ‘em all.”

The fact that I had shown him that I could keep up with him was astounding, I honestly didn’t think it would ever happen. But with his approval, I’d have to have been an idiot to walk away from it all.

“Good talk,” I smiled, patting his leg while taking one last sip of my coffee before handing it to him.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked.

“Making peace with it.”

——

The drive from Delacroix to New Orleans had always relaxed me. The disappearance of the deep bayous as the scenery slowly changed to city, the ever present cypress trees, the hour travel time always gave me time to think. Something I was thankful for today especially.

I parked my car outside my destination, making the long trek through the cemetery I’d visited every week as a child. My feet automatically as I passed the neat rows of above ground tombs until I reached where I needed to be.

Keeping a safe distance away, I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets and took a deep breath. “Hi,” I whispered, greeting my father’s tomb as if I expected it to speak back to me. “Um…I don’t know if you can hear me wherever you are but…there’s some things I need to talk to you about.” My eyes began to water, partially from the wind hitting my face but mostly from the tears that had been waiting to spring free. “Why’d you do it, Dad?” I whispered against the lump in my throat, “I don’t understand how you could ever have been a part of something so destructive. You were the last person I would have ever believed could have done something like this. You were my hero,” I looked down at the ground between us, “I never thought you’d end up being the villain.” I drew a shaky breath and continued, “I watched your guilt over your ‘time in the service’ tear you apart to a point where you thought death was the only way out so…I think it’s safe to assume you felt bad about what you’d done. I watched you every day try to be a good father to me and Mel, you didn’t succeed all the time but you did your best. I know you loved us…” “Somehow,” I dug the heel of my sneaker into my the dirt, “I’m trying to find it in me to forgive you, Dad. For the pain your secret’s brought me, for what your name could do to the rest of my life, for lying…But the one thing I don’t know how to forgive you for is what you did to Bucky,” the tears that I’d finally gotten under control threatened to start again, “Because Dad, he means the world to me and to know that you were behind that pain that’s running his life…It makes me want to hate you. And the saddest part is that I know you would have loved him if you’d ever gotten a chance to meet the real him.”

“The way I see it, I can’t undo the damage you did to the world,” my voice found its strength, “But what you did isn’t going to dictate what I do with my life. I’ve only ever wanted to do good, however I can, that’s what I’m going to do. I know that you wanted me to keep my powers hidden, probably because you didn’t want anyone to find me, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t pay the price for your sins. So I’m gonna fight and I’m gonna try to rewrite our family’s legacy.”

“Anyway, that’s, uh, that’s all I wanted to say,” I took a slow step forward and placed a hand over the stone tomb, “I wish…I wish things would have turned out different.”

With one last gaze upon my father’s final resting place, I left the same way I’d come, for once not having to fake the confidence I was feeling.

——

“Oh, oh, it’s going…” I teased.

“Give it back!” Sam yelled! “It’s going!”

“Y/n!”

I levitated the shield further away from Sam and slid it across the ground into the boy’s soccer net, AJ and Cass chasing me as I did. I’d only just shown them that their aunt could make stuff fly and we were currently engaged in an intense game of keep away with Sam.

“AJ! Grab it!” I yelled, my nephew hurrying to the net and lifting the shield, stumbling a little as he took off running with it on his arm. I threw up a force field around Sam, who was gaining on him, “Oh no!” Sam was laughing the whole time as he tried to punch his way out of the bubble encasing him. “Go go go!” I cried, watching the boys run off with the shield into the house, dropping the field once they were inside.

“You’re the worst influence on them, you know that right?” Sam chuckled as we slowly made our way towards the front door.

“Hey, I don’t want them thinking their uncle’s the only cool one in the family,” I replied as we entered the house, pulling out my phone to check the notifications I’d feel vibrating in my back pocket. One was a news alert. “Sam.” “Huh?” I tossed him my phone and hurried through the house till I reached the television, flipping to the news to see the article come to life. The GRC was voting in New York on the Patch Act, a movement that would move twenty million refugees back to their home country.

“Shit,” I mumbled, feeling Sam’s presence behind me. His phone rang to announce a call. “It’s Torres,” he held out the phone and revealed the man’s face. “Sorry this took so long, spare you the technical details, but I finally got results for the scans you asked for and I think we’re onto something,” Torres explained as Sam and I went to look at his computer, displaying a map of Europe that lit up with bright red circles. “When we look back, all these pings, they’re from places just before the Flag Smashers hit. Clearly, they’re all over Europe. Earlier today, we got one from New York. Now, I can’t promise you they’re not using a VPN or masking their location, but…” I’d stopped listening after he’d said ‘New York,’ and turned my attention to the tv, every piece of the puzzle was coming together. Karli wouldn’t be physically able to hold herself back from interfering with the vote. “Great work, Joaquin,” Sam said, his eyes trained on the screen along with me, “We’ll take it from here,” he hung up the call and turned to me, “Time to get to work. Come with me.” He rose from his chair and led me to the coat closet nearest to the front door, opening it up to pull out a large silver case and handing it to me. “I don’t know what’s in it, Bucky just told me to hold onto it until the time came where you’d need it,” Sam stated, “I’m thinking that’s now.” Confusedly, I carried it out and up to my bedroom, placing it on my mattress and trying to figure out how to open it. There was no keyhole, only a bar that hosted a red screen. My finger brushed over it, the action turning it blue and the case automatically released an air lock I didn’t know it had. Waiting a few seconds to make sure nothing popped out, I carefully opened the box to see something I couldn’t have predicted in a million years. Resting on top of the surprise was a note on the nicest stationary I’d ever seen…

You may be able to kick my ass, but I’m never gonna stop trying to protect you.

- Bucky

I breathed a soft laugh, holding the paper in my hand and imagining Bucky hunched over a table, writing the words that were now lodged in my heart. “Sam,” I called out, leaving the case open and rushing across the hall to my brother’s room, “Sam, it’s-“ All words disappeared and all thoughts halted at the sight of him opening up his own case, I didn’t need to see its contents to make an educated guess at what was inside of it. There were a dozen emotions playing out on Sam’s face, wonder, apprehension, excitement, shock…Every one of them valid but none of them coming close to the amount of pure determination in his eyes.

I watched from the doorway, smiling, “Ready when you are, Cap.”

----

A/N: AHHH. Only two chapters left, hope this one lived up to your expectations. Getting your messages and comments and asks have been making my days and I’m so glad people are enjoying this little ride I’m taking us all on. Let me know what you thought and/or if you’d like to be tagged for the remainder of the series!

Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale @wanniiieeee @asoftie4bucky @edencherries @i-reblog-fics-i-like @ttalisa @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess @rinaispunk @weirdowithnobeardo @felicityofbakerstreet @godlyhufflepuff @eternalharry @voguesir @mizz-kraziii @okayline @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories @nicklet94 @intricate-melody @aesthethickks @stumbleonmywords @simplybarnes @21bruhs @lostinwonderland314 @superbookishhufflepuff @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @zozebos @fandomxreaders @kittengirl998 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @i-know-i-can @x-judyjude-x @thebi-valkyrieofvalhalla @buckverse @living-that-best-life @haphazardhufflepuff @citlalireedus @lindseyrae20 @missstef23 @qhbr2013 @sebby-stann @bluemoon-icecream @iixbella @lets-love-little-me @abitofeverythinggg @itsnottilly @sltwins @mads-weasley @hart-failure @natdrunk @nctma15

#bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x platonic!reader #marvel imagine

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btsslowburnfic · 3 years

Text

The Arrangement Ch. 15

Story summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.

Chapter Summary: Your attempt to help your brother move result in Yoongi meeting your family -_-

Previous Chapter here

TW: as previously mentioned, YN and her brother were abused by their dad. It is mentioned by her brother. Trigger will be labeled before and after by ** ** Yoongi’ song “The Last” is also referenced at the very end, which implies thoughts about self-harm/suicide attempt. But it’s a good, long chapter! There is fluff and humor in it too!

---------------------------

Late last night you received an email from your brother’s school informing you a dorm space had opened up and he could move in as soon as possible. You wanted to check and make sure there wasn’t anything else you should be doing today before you rented a van.

You put on your robe and headed out to the main living area. Half the coffee pot was already gone and you heard light movements from upstairs. You wondered if Yoongi was prone to hangovers or not. You poured yourself a cup of coffee and heard Yoongi pad down the stairs.

“How are you feeling today?” You asked without looking up from your steaming mug.

“A little dehydrated but fine.” He passed you as he headed over to the sink for water. “Really? We’re just wearing robes around the house now?”

You waited, slowly savoring the taste of the hot bean water in your mouth. You swallowed. “You were in your underwear the other day. I think the robe is fine.” You turned dramatically and looked at him. “Unless you prefer just underwear?”

“Aish, don't remind me.” He waved in your direction as though he could dissipate the memory with his hand. It was too early for flirting.

You laughed. “Hey, if it's OK, I'd like to go help my brother move today. A dorm space opened up for him and I'd like to get him settled in before school starts again tomorrow.”

Yoongi leaned against the counter, “Yeah, that's fine. You should do that.”

“Great, thanks!” You turned and went back to the bedroom to get dressed.

When you returned to the main area Yoongi was gone, you didn’t bother checking by the door as you grabbed your purse and slipped on some shoes. You texted your brother to remind him what time you would arrive and then hopped on the train to the car rental place.

Fifteen minutes later you walked in, produced your driver’s license and payment and were then declined.

“What do you mean? I already prepaid online.” You asked the attendant.

“It’s not the payment, it’s your license. You rented the cargo van. You don’t have a license to drive that vehicle, it’s level one.” The man explained, gesturing to a garage full of vehicles as though that explained anything.

“Isn’t it just like a regular van but big?”

“No ma’am it’s more like a box truck. I can get you a regular van but I can’t refund your rental of the cargo van because it was a day-of rental.”

“I had to enter my license to rent the van. Why does it authorize licenses if they aren’t the correct type?” You asked, annoyed. It wasn’t his fault, probably, but that definitely seemed like a crappy thing for the website to allow.

“I understand that ma’am but the website will allow anybody to pay for the van and the driver’s license check is very basic and checks to see if you have one, not the level. Now, would you like to rent a regular van?”

You stood there for a minute weighing your options. “Give me a minute.” You walked over to the waiting area and took out your phone. You opened the BigHit employee portal and scrolled through the services. There were so many options: food delivery, laundry pick up, chauffeur, pet walking, but nothing about hiring a driver for other vehicles. You groaned and dialed Yoongi’s number. Normally you would text but you felt like there was too much to say. The phone rang a few times.

“Hello?” It was surprising to you how deep his voice sounded on the phone.

“Hey...I'm sorry to bother you. Does anybody at the company have a Level 1 driver's license that I can like request via the app? I didn't realize the one I rented is for a license I don't have.” You paused. “This is so embarrassing.” Silence extended from the other side, making you feel awful, like you had probably interrupted something important. You began again, " I can maybe just do it next weekend. I can find somebody by then I'm sure. It’s fine. What’s one more week.”

"I can drive it."

You felt awkward having Yoongi do it."Noooo. Don't worry about it. I can do it next week. I’m sure I can find somebody.”

“Aish send me the address. I'll do it.” He replied, starting to sound irritated.

“Were you busy? You don't have to.”

“You know the company phones have GPS trackers in them? But it will be a hell of a lot faster if you just send me the address.”

You sighed, “Ok. Thank you.”

“See you soon.”

You awkwardly waited at the rental agency, kicking your feet in your chair like a little kid waiting for their parents. After about half an hour you heard the door ding and saw Yoongi walk in. He had traded his sweats for jeans, but otherwise had the same casual shirt and expression.

“Hello sir,” the desk attendant greeted Yoongi. “How may I help you today?”

“I’ve been told I’m here to drive a van.” Yoongi looked your way.

"Oh, are you here for that one?" the guy at the counter gestured at you.

Rude.

Yoongi smirked, “Yep. That one’s mine.”

Your jaw almost dropped. Fucking brat. You walked over. "It's a good thing you're being so helpful darling." You gritted between your teeth. You watched as Yoongi handed over his license and had it scanned without any issues.

“Here you go Mr. Min.” The attendant handed him the keys. You heard him laugh as he took them. He started to walk out to the rental garage with you following.

"’Thanks for coming. I do appreciate it."

"It’s no problem. I mean. You, once again, will owe me dinner. But other than that. It's nothing." He clicked the remote to find the right van. "Why are you renting such a big ass van?"

"Because my family doesn't own a car and I'm an idiot. The website didn't make it look that big. I put in my license and it let me rent it. Don’t you think it should deny it if it knows you can’t drive it?" The two of you stopped in front of the cargo van. It was big. But not that big, you scowled.

"Oh man. I used to drive so much music equipment around in my shit van. This brings back memories." He climbed into the driver's seat. You walked around to the passenger side and stepped up as well. "And lucky for you, I came prepared today." He popped in a CD he'd been stowing in his coat pocket.

"Oh my God. You are the cutest." You said, somewhat accidentally, out loud.

Yoongi paused, and looked over at you. "I am not cute."

You smiled and pinched your fingers together. "A little bit."

He shook his head and put his hand on the gear shift. "Nope. Cue up the GPS."

"The tiniest cute." You typed in the address.

"Feared rapper and music producer. Ice King. Loner. It's in the lyrics, you should listen." He turned the car audio on.

"OK cutie, I know you have stuffed animals in the loft area."

He held a finger up to his lips. "Quiet woman, I'm driving."

You laughed and relaxed into the seat. "I fell asleep on track 5."

He pushed some buttons and you settled in for the car ride.

Yoongi was thankful for the excuse of looking at the road so he couldn’t see your expressions as you listened. He put so much of himself in his lyrics, it was like taking his heart and mind out of his body and showing it to other people. Which for some reason felt fine when it was complete strangers, but felt so weird with someone he knew. He tried to play it cool. He knew he was two songs away from his most personal track.

“Ok, turn in here. We can park here for up to two hours without a permit.” You guided him near an alleyway next to your Aunt’s apartment. You sent a text telling them you were here. “Thanks. You can wait here if you want. I don't know how much packing there is left to do. Sorry. I just got the email this morning. There are also some coffee shops around here or some restaurants. I’m not sure what---”

Yoongi unbuckled his seatbelt and cut you off. “Hey. You don't have to do this by yourself. OK?” He opened the door and got out before you could respond.

You took a few deep breaths and exited the van, walking around to the front to lead the way to the apartment. “Ok thanks. Also I apologize in advance for my Aunt.”

“She won’t be the first Auntie I've met,” Yoongi smirked. “Don't worry, Aunties and Grannies love me.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about. Also sorry in advance for my brother. He seems rude, but it’s just because our family life was so fucked up. He’s a good kid.”

“Hey, I can relate,” Yoongi opened the door for you. “It’s fine. Really.”

“Ack, I don’t think I can do this.” You turned and faced him.

“Do what?” Yoongi asked, perplexed.

“Have you meet my family. It’s. We’re all weirdos. The apartment is so small. It’s embarrassing. I already feel bad that you came and helped me.” You spew out everything at once, your anxiety levels suddenly spiking.

Yoongi sighed and put his hands in his pockets. “Hey. It’s fine. I was going to meet them eventually anyways right? Might as well be before the wedding,” He teased you.

You were surprised. This was the first time he had mentioned anything about the other part of your contract. It had always been you teasing him about it.

“I guess so.” You took a deep breath. “Ok. Just...please...Remember. We’ve been through a lot.” You suddenly felt so vulnerable as you pushed the elevator button. You led the way to your old apartment and unlocked the door.

“Aunt Vi, I’m here.” You yelled from the foyer as the two of you slipped your shoes off.

“Oh finally, I was getting worried, you’re over an hour late and you're usually so prompt and hello young man.” Aunt Vi stopped dead in her tracks as she arrived in front of the two of you.

“Hello. Min Yoongi, nice to meet you.” He bowed.

Your Aunt gaped like a fish for a moment and eyed you. “Yes of course, I’m Vi.. And this is…?”

“My boss, Auntie. He drove the van today. Apparently giant ass vans need a special license.” You smiled sheepishly.

“Do not use such language in front of your boss, young lady.” She scolded.

Yoongi cleared his throat to hide a laugh. It was unusual seeing someone boss you around for a change.

“Yes of course, sorry Auntie. I’m very sorry, Mr. Min.”

“That’s better. Now come in. You, help Jihoon pack, Mr. Min come join me for tea.”

She turned around and you gave Yoongi a stank look while he silently laughed at you. You flipped him the middle finger while he acted offended.

Auntie Vi turned around, “That is of course if he wants some.”

The two of you pretended to be perfect angels once again, “That would be lovely Aunt Vi.” He responded, sounding like a boy scout. You rolled your eyes at him the minute your aunt turned her back. You left the two of them as they headed to the kitchen and you went to the living room.

Your brother was packing up some books into one of the boxes when you walked over.

“Hey. Make sure the books go into a few small boxes instead of one big one, or they’ll be too heavy to carry.” You said as you grabbed another empty box and started to pack some things.

“Yeah ,ok. Those other two boxes are books as well. There should be a bookcase in the dorm. I think all my friend’s rooms have one.”

“Ok great, I’ll label them.” You walked into the kitchen to grab a sharpie and briefly overheard Vi and Yoongi. Yep. She was in love, you smirked and headed back to help your brother.

You were surprised when you walked past the hallway and saw two blankets on the floor, slowly moving. You smiled and paused, “Huh. What strange moving blankets.” You heard a set of giggles and continued on your way.

Your brother and you continued to put items into boxes and the blankets continued to slowly wriggle down the hallway until they made it to the corner. Your sister and niece sat up and pressed their tiny bodies against the wall, straining to see who the mysterious voice belonged to. You looked over and smiled.

Aunt Vi paused for a second and heard the faint sound of giggles and “shhhh”

“There better not be any little girls eavesdropping,” She said. Everyone in the apartment heard the sounds of stomping and running down the hallway, followed by a door shutting. Vi sighed and Yoongi laughed.

You set down the roll of tape and walked back to the bedroom. "Come on out girls." You led the way for them down the hallway. They nervously stood in the kitchen in front of Yoongi and your Aunt.

“Mr. Min, this is my sister, Hayoon, and my niece, Sooah.” You introduced them as they bowed deeply, as though they had been preparing for this moment for their whole lives.

Yoongi smiled warmly at them, “It’s a pleasure to meet you ladies.” You could see your niece already blushing. These girls were boy crazy already and you were sure they would relive this moment over and over again. They managed to squeak out a “you too.” Before they looked around awkwardly about what to do next.

“Alright girls, either help move boxes or git.” You prompted them. They looked at each other and then scrambled back to the bedroom, giggling the whole way. You sighed and went back to packing. Fortunately since your brother was living on the couch, he didn’t have a lot to pack. In retrospect you probably didn’t need the van. Oh well. Better to be over prepared than underprepared, you mused.

You walked into the kitchen, “Excuse me, may I have the keys please? It’s time to start loading.”

Yoongi stood up, “Yeah sure, let’s go.”

You looked at him, “Oh no sir. I could not expect you to carry the boxes. Keys please.” You held out your hand.

Yooongi scoffed, “I can carry boxes.”

Aunt Vi quietly cleared her throat, “That would be too much surely. Won’t you please sit down and I’ll make you some lunch.”

Ah the intersectionality of age and class rank here were making your head spin, but you knew that he couldn’t turn down lunch from your Aunt, even as she turned around and he placed the keys in your hand while making a very strange face you couldn’t quite identify. You raised your eyebrows. Taking the keys, you pulled out your phone.

YN: She’s a good cook, don’t worry. Sorry this is taking so long.

You and your brother each grabbed some boxes and started to move them out by the elevators. After about fifteen minutes you checked your phone.

YG: I feel weird not helping

YN: You did help, you drove the van

YG: That doesn’t count

YN: Yes it does

You returned to the apartment where you saw Yoongi had somehow inserted himself into the kitchen and was cooking alongside Aunt Vi. That’s it, you thought, she’s never going to not mention him again. You sighed. Grabbing the last few boxes you and Jihoon began to fill the elevator and slowly move the items closer and closer to the van. An hour later it was all packed up.

“How was your soup?” You asked as you came back into the apartment, ripping off your sweatshirt. You had started off cold, but were now glistening with sweat.

“Really good, thanks again Auntie,” Yoongi looked over to Vi.

“Oh please, he’s the one who ended up doing most of the cooking. Are you single Mr. Min? Are you allowed to date your employees?--------”

Oh God it was happening, you were shocked it had taken this long honestly.

“Because even though YN isn’t much to look at, she’s a very hardworking girl.”

“We gotta go. Time to leave. Is there any leftover soup for Jihoon?” You asked as you cut her off and started scrambling around the kitchen for a takeaway container.

“There’s plenty of soup, grab some for Jihoon. Not for you though, you don’t need the calories.”

Oh God she was going full blown Auntie on your ass. Help. You looked over to Yoongi, mortified, but he was just standing there, the tiniest smile playing on his lips. He briefly flicked his eyes in your direction, causing you to feel flustered.

“Anyways, you should keep her in mind. Our family is unlucky, but we do try to make up for it.”

“I have the Soup, can we please leave now? We have to return the van.” You grabbed your purse, sweater, soup, and coat.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Yoongi said calmly. “Thank you for your hospitality Auntie. I hope to see you again soon :] .” He walked over near the door, put on his coat and took the soup from you.

“Put your coat on.” He chided

“I’m sweaty.” You responded

“You won’t be when you get back outside.”

You huffed but complied anyways. The poor man had suffered through an hour and a half of your family, you weren’t about to argue with him.

Your brother was waiting in the van with his headphones on listening to music. You climbed into the middle seat.

“Oh my God I am so sorry.” You said the minute the door closed.

“It’s fine. Like I said, not my first Auntie. She’s nice.”

“She called me ugly and told me not to eat.” You whined. “Hey...speaking of you called me ugly too the first time we met.”

Your brother took off his headphones; apparently interested in this conversation.

Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck. “Did I say that to you? That doesn't seem like something I would say.”

“Well, no. But you didn’t disagree with me when I said it.” You side eyed him.

He laughed, “I think you know you’re not ugly. You don’t need me to tell you that.” He pulled out onto the main street.

“I don’t know. Having heard it every day of her life growing up, it might not be a bad thing to not say to her.” You heard Jihoon say from next to you.

You tensed up briefly. “Jihoon, it’s a joke. Everyone else at the interview was literally a supermodel. Everyone.”

“Sorry. People calling my sister ugly doesn’t seem very funny to me.” He said and moodily turned to face the window.

This was the kind of awkward you were worried about. “Sorry. Jihoon is a little protective. Also he doesn’t understand jokes.” You tried to lighten the mood by teasing. It did not work.

“Jokes are supposed to be funny. I understand that.” He said snidely from the passenger’s seat.

You sighed, “Anyways, thanks again for driving. You’ll turn right here and then there should be signs for the school in about 4 kilometers.”

Yoongi was very quiet. He didn’t want to piss your brother off again. You pushed play on the audio, welcoming a change of pace from the quiet. To your shock, he hit the pause button. “Let’s listen to it later.” He said quietly to you. He didn’t think the lyrics would put your brother in a better mood and he also didn’t particularly feel like sharing the vulnerable side of himself at the moment.

“Is it normal to tell someone they can’t listen to music in a car? Asking for a friend.”

“Stop being an asshole Jihoon. Mr. Min was nice enough to drive the van for us today to move you into the dorm. And to give me a job to pay for the dorm. You need to be more respectful.” The phrase came out of your mouth before you could even stop it. It was a triggering phrase for both of you and you instantly regretted it.

**************

“Right.” Your brother said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Be more respectful. Just because someone’s older than you they deserve your respect no matter what. That’s what dad always said while he was beating us, remember?”

***************

You rolled your eyes, unable to keep your cool. “Oh my God. You’re supposed to be working through this shit in therapy not in a fucking moving van with me and my boss. I am so sorry.” You said to Yoongi who was trying very hard to pretend he wasn’t in the van at that exact moment.

“I didn’t ask to be in a moving van with you and your boss and I didn’t ask to be moved into the dorms today.” He argued back.

“You’d rather still be on the couch at Aunt Vi’s? I can unload all this shit and cancel your room. I can totally do that right now.” You snapped at him.

Jihoon huffed angrily. Such a moody teen.

“I’ll take that as a “no”,” you responded. “Yoongi, I am so sorry.”

“For the record, does your boss know our dad's a fucking psycho?” Your brother said in English. You had done terribly in English and hadn’t touched it since High School. You understood the word Fuck though and were getting ready to scold you brother

Yoongi didn't want to overstep his bounds, but at the same time, your brother was being a rude little shit. The whole reason you had agreed to marry a guy you didn’t know was to take care of this ungrateful child. Before he could help himself, he responded in perfect English, “Yeah, I heard you dad was an asshole. And I'm sorry that happened to you. It shouldn’t have and it really sucks. But your sister works her ass off for you.”

Yoongi was pissed. You could tell that much by the tone. You understood sister and that was about it. Or maybe he said sweater. But it was probably sister.

Your brother was clearly surprised by whatever he heard and also mildly irritated. “What do you know about any of that?”

“I know that in her job interview all she talked about was you and your little sister and how she worries about the two of you and that’s why she took a job where she is on call 24/7 and why she’s worked 2 jobs for the past 7 years.”

You understood the number 2. That was it. This was a passionate discussion on Yoongi’s part. You were getting ready to speak after several seconds of silence filled the van.

Your brother twisted his body and looked at Yoongi. “---Do you….do you like my sister?””

More silence. What the hell were they talking about?

Yoongi cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably, continuing to look straight ahead at the road. “I do. And we’re being rude by having a conversation that she can’t understand. So please stop it.”

Your brother paused for a moment before replying in Korean ”… Yes, hyung.”

“If he's being rude let me know and I'll take his lunch money. I will literally untransfer funds.” You said, eyeing the two of them suspiciously. “I know how to say “fuck” in English and I definitely heard it.”

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” Yoongi replied. “Here, we can also listen to the word ‘fuck’ some more.” he turned the music back on. Since everyone else was having free therapy in the van, why not join? One song played before you all arrived at the dorms.

“Go round up some strapping young men to carry these boxes. I have to find your RA.” You told your brother as Yoongi parked the van. He hopped out quickly, all too eager to escape. You rested your head against the headrest and pushed your hands against your eyes. “I am so sorry. Today has been a total nightmare. Worse than I even imagined.” You said, feeling like you might cry.

Yoongi sat there for a few seconds, reliving the afternoon. It had actually been mostly fun for him. “I had a good time. I got to meet your family and I got free soup.”

You looked over at him slightly bewildered. “We need to raise your standards for what a good day should look like Yoongi, because this was a total shit show.”

“Hey, don’t cry. I hate it when people cry. Your brother has been through a lot. It’s fine. Really. I too was an angry rude teenager and I didn’t have nearly as good of a reason. Come on, let’s finish this shit and get the van back.” He unbuckled his seatbelt.

You followed suit and entered the dormitory, following the signs. You introduced yourself to the RA, got the keys, and found your brother and two other guys standing outside the van. You recognized the one kid.

“Hey Noona,” He waved. You liked that one.

Yoongi had apparently started unloading the boxes while you were meeting with the RA. You picked up one of the smaller boxes and headed up to the dorm. With the 5 of you, it didn’t take long to move all the boxes into the dorm. You placed the soup into the mini-fridge. You sighed and looked around at the mountains of boxes, “Ok. Do you want me to stick around for the unpacking or….?”

"No. We'll get it." Jihoon responded and walked with you out into the hallway. Yoongi was leaning against the wall near the elevators, scrolling through his phone.

"Thanks. And I'm sorry about earlier." He said looking down.

"It's OK, come here." You pulled him in for a hug. He was taller than you. When did that happen? You squeezed extra tight and then pulled away, "Make sure to answer my texts or else I'll show up here. And I have your RA’s number. Got it?”

"Yeah yeah." he looked around.

You looked up at him and brushed some invisible dirt off his shoulder, "OK. I love you. "

" I love you too. "

With that you turned and joined Yoongi by the elevators." Let today end please. " You said, crossing your arms in front of your body.

"Nope. Not yet. You still owe me dinner," he commented as the two of you entered the elevator.

You sulked , "You got soup."

"You haven't eaten yet."

You shrugged. It was true. But you were upset and when you were upset you either wanted to eat everything or nothing. Today you felt like nothing.

The two of you climbed into the van one last time. You rested your head against the window and listened to the music. Yoongi gripped the steering wheel tightly as ‘The Last’ began to play.

He glanced a look over at you. Your jaw was firmly set and he saw tears rolling down your cheeks. Shit. This was not a good day for this. He paused the music.

"Sorry, that's pretty heavy for today isn't it?" The car came to a stop at a light and the silence was palpable.

You breathed out, trying to keep it level. "Sorry, just. You and my brother have that in common." You wiped your eyes as you tried not to cry. You took pride in generally being pretty stoic and good-natured.

The light turned green. "I guess we're all just fucked up, huh?"

You sniffled. "Yeah. It just hurts my heart to think about a world where you or my brother don't exist."

Yoongi felt like someone had hit him with a ton of bricks. He swallowed through the lump forming in his throat as he managed a response, "Well, we're still here. That's what matters. Right?” He tried to sound positive.

“Yeah. I’m glad for that. Turn left.” NEXT CHAPTER @lidda @anpanman-sonyeondan @firefairy1 @cuteipat @sugaslittlekookies @janeelizabeth1216 @deeepvibes @gxldenhunny @livelyjay @niniita-ah

#bts writing #bts fic #bts suga x you #suga x you #yoongi x you #bts yoongi x reader #bts yoongi #bts suga x reader #suga x reader #suga x y/n #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n

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uardito · 3 years

Text

In defense of taking and sending nudes

Big budget pornographers and pretty much all advertisers have oddly similar and narrow views on sexy.

These kinds of muscles in these places. These skin colors. These eye colors. Unless we’re doing one of the exotic angles: Can you do the bear? The I-swear-this-isn’t-pederasty twink? (No judgments.) The submissive Asian? The aggressive Black top? Can you do Latin heat, papi?

And honestly, I never could.

As a kid, this would really bother me. I’d beat off to Corbin Fischer-type crap that left me feeling sexually inert, incapable of creating a sexual response in someone. I’m too dark for mainstream stroke material, not Latin enough for the fetishists. Plus, I was never in as good of shape as them. While acne and life’s other peculiarities left their marks on my skin, they somehow never touched theirs; how could I possibly think I was sexy?

I wondered how to find other young gay guys and Corbin Fischer filled the boy I was with such fears of isolation. If that’s who I was looking for, I knew they were nowhere to be found, nowhere within my experience anyway.

If you think about it, that’s a weird place to be in: desexualized, filled with sexual desire and nowhere to put it. I wonder what the fallout from that might be?

The Fall of the Power of Porn

Today, pornographers are going out of business “No one wants to pay for porn anymore.” Honestly, for me, money has less to do with it; I’m just not beating off to their videos. I don’t think they’re hot. I’m not feeling their models. I’m not feeling their videos’ shallow, surreal sexual hookups. It fetishizes sex that’s impossible to have with people who barely exist.

More shallow than Grindr? Yes. Much. Next to porn, even next to the normalizing and desexualizing mainstream gay political discourse, online dating or cruising in general is a thought-provoking and radical reclamation of sexual power.

It starts with writing our profiles. It starts with taking sexualized pictures of ourselves. It becomes dangerous and radical when we send those pictures.

They often play a role in how we negotiate sex with each other. And suddenly we’re not looking to unreal and exaggerated bodies of porn–we’re sexualizing the people we’re actively trying to have sex with as opposed to trying to push our sexual partners and sex to look more like porn.

Randall Munroe, https://xkcd.com/598/

Outside that, it empowers us to see ourselves sexually and have that reaffirmed by other people’s sexual attraction, even if we have no intention or even ability to touch those enjoying our digital depiction. Don’t think for a moment that I’m above this. People have either seen me naked or masturbated with me, people as close as down the street to some on the other side of the world. The latter case was particularly important when I was living in a part of the country where I wasn’t seen as that attractive. I could hop online and be reminded that I had sexual power, though I felt mostly powerless at my digs in Georgia at the time.

Cock blocked by sexual panic

Of course, abandoning the sexual institutions of old doesn’t mean that they’ve abandoned us. Respectability, fear, modesty, shame: they’re all hallmarks of this discussion.

Watch, by way of an example, RJ Aguiar’s Dick Pic Etiquette which in the course of only seven minutes manages an advertisement for a new dating platform AND provides a tour of heteronormative sexual pathology and anxiety. (I pick on RJ here only because I’m a big fan of his work, but what he says there echoes idiotic stuff said on national and international television by every other reputable person in news.) He alternates between classist tropes — like the idea that our sexual propositions not be exclusively sexual but also include some bourgeois notion of artistic value — to cataloging every way sexualizing ourselves could lead to disaster, including legal peril and the fear of exposure should any of our pictures stay on any networkable devices…

Me impersonating RJ safeguarding his erotic self-portraiture in one of the only non-networkable devices in my apartment.

Listening to him and other pundits go off, I’m reminded of the history of hysteria regarding sex that’s haunted us for centuries: The sometimes comical, sometimes downright horrifying efforts to prevent children from masturbating in the 18th and 19th century (Buzzfeed article, MentalFloss article); various sexuality-inspired hysterias in the 20th century like the McMartin trial (about sex abuse in education at the end of the 20th century); and the modern day paranoia about transfolk who need to pee.

Not to say that the anxieties of RJ and his hysterical kin are entirely unfounded, but it’s so easy for him and other people doing the committed monogamy thing to be terrified by the lives of people who are doing things differently. They have no skin in the game. They don’t have to cruise for sex or love when they’re horny or lonely. This fear mongering justifies decisions that they’ve already made and distances themselves from parts of their lives they’re eager to forget. Their hysteria encourages heteronormativity, encourages traditional values, encourages pursuing relationships just like your probably-miserable straight parents did and protects boring porn and a hateful ad industry.

Rejecting this sexual morality and hysteria is not always easy. That rejection threatens pillars of American society (probably only nominally). But by rejecting that we gain power over our sexual fantasies and capacities.

If you’re capable of sexual fantasy, you’re capable of sex. If you’re capable of sex, you’re capable of being sexy, of being seen sexually by yourself and others.

If you’re this far and have a camera phone, you’re a few short clicks away from me and a bunch of other deviants masturbating to you.

Relish that power.

And with it, find sex and love on your own damn terms.

-Santi

Santi fell in love for the first time as a child in Georgia and for the second time as a young man in Brooklyn. Today, he lives in Miami where he’s convinced that derechistas are ready to run him out of town. Santi continues his love of photography, both in the area of auto-erotic portraiture and otherwise, on Twitter and Instagram at @uardito.

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mcwriting · 3 years

Text

sweet home alabama (2)

Hi all! Between marriage project and some one shots, I decided to upload this chapter!

Reminder: Characters have strong southern accents (save for Tom in the present).

Masterlist

Word Count: 2618

Warnings: slight injury mention

∆ present ∆

The weekend came and went, allowing Tom some time to get a new wardrobe for farmwork and acquire a pair of boots, as his last pair had been passed down and worn out by Sam years ago.

Tom had been enjoying a peaceful rest when he was jolted awake by two hands forcefully shaking him.

“What the- Sam! What are you doing?” Tom exclaimed, sitting up.

“You gotta go to Mel’s today, right? Sun rises in an hour. Better get up and eat ‘fore you head over there,” the younger brother explained. Tom tossed back his head and groaned.

“Fine. I’ll get up,” he replied, tossing off his quilt and sheet.

With the money Tom had made in recent years, he had been able to send some home every so often, which helped fund a much needed expansion of the family home. Unfortunately, they hadn’t added enough bathrooms for each brother to get their own.

“Tom! What in God’s name is taking you so long! You’re gonna be working cotton not modeling it!” Harry yelled, pounding on the door.

“Alright alright! It’s all yours!” Tom exclaimed as he opened up the door. Harry couldn’t help but laugh at his brother.

Though Tom had dressed in a button up, jeans, and boots, he had also made sure to style his hair until every wisp sat straight.

“You know you’re gonna sweat that gel off in ten minutes, right? Especially if you wear a hat.”

Tom rolled his eyes.

“Harry, you know me. There’s always a camera somewhere. Gotta be ready for anything. And it’s pomade, not gel.”

The other young twin just rolled his eyes back and slammed the door shut.

∆

A few minutes down the road, y/n was getting ready to start her own day. She rose at dawn like always, stretching a bit and hopping out of bed.

Though she was living a country life, she still took the time to do a full skincare routine, being especially attentive to the products she used and how much sunscreen she applied.

Since she wouldn’t be at any farms in the morning, y/n put on leggings and tshirt and headed out the door, a granola bar in hand. She only had to drive a mile away to get to the “s.h.e.d.”

As usual, she was the first one there, so she keyed in and turned on all the lights. She took in a deep breath of the smells of the soil and chemicals around her as she tossed on her lab coat.

You didn’t think she was any ordinary farm girl, did you?

In reality, she had actually gone to UCLA, getting degrees in both chemistry and environmental engineering. Now she had spent the last year doing research thanks to a grant to improve the agricultural health of her hometown so she could eventually receive a master’s degree.

But we’ll talk more on that later.

Now that the sun was finally peeking above the horizon, her two lab assistants finally showed up.

Her assistants, Ciara and Jacob, were students at a community college in the town 45 minutes away. They were bright and the three always enjoyed working together, as they played fun music and conversed while recording research.

“Hey! Glad y’all could finally make it! Y’all know that last week I collected more samples from Mel’s, so today I want to prepare a gram from each jar in solution so we can run samples and start looking at what nutrients need supplementing and where so I can put a fertilizer together for tomorrow.”

The two were happy to follow their boss’s instruction, and y/n couldn’t help but smile as she scanned over her lab, remembering where she started.

∆ 16 years old ∆

Y/n had always been good at school.

A straight A student, never one to act out or deliberately miss work. Everyone knew she was bright, and she continued to prove that as she aged.

By sophomore year of high school, she was already an above-average scorer on the ACT and was taking courses above her grade level to keep from boring herself.

But in a town as small as hers, one could only get so advanced in high school alone.

Thankfully once she was a junior, the community college Ciara and Jacob were now attending allowed students to enroll in some basic online classes and receive credit, so long as they had good enough internet connection.

Because she was ahead, y/n had a free period where she could mooch off of the school’s wifi in an empty classroom. However, she didn’t have the same luxury at home, and had to go to Tom’s to complete any assignments after school.

By this point, Tom had been going to small auditions for a couple years, picking up the occasional commercial role and making a few bucks here and there, enough to get his family better TV and internet, anyways.

“Hey, y/n?” Tom asked one day, late in the fall. He laid back on the bed, tossing a foam basketball above his head while y/n worked on her college math class from the floor. She hummed in response, holding a pencil between her teeth.

“What are you plannin’ to do with all this college stuff anyways?” he asked. His accent was still as strong as ever. He hadn’t taught himself to let it go yet.

“I’on know. Maybe git a degree and move out of this town for a while. Find a real job that ain’t baling hay or planting stuff. You know I really love science,” she replied. She knew she had a lot of options, she was only a couple points away from that perfect ACT score by now.

There was a pause as she continued to tap numbers into a calculator and record them.

“I got another audition ‘fore thanksgiving,'' Tom announced after a while. Y/n didn’t look up.

“Oh yeah? What for, toothpaste ad or somethin’?”

“Uh, no actually. This one’s for a movie. A real movie.”

Y/n dropped the pencil and looked up at Tom, pushing up from the ground to sit on her knees as he sat up straight.

“Really? You’re serious? You ain’t pulling my leg or something?”

Tom smiled big and nodded.

“I mean it. I really got this audition coming up.”

“Oh my gosh, TOM!”

Y/n quickly stood up, tackling her best friend in a hug, practically ending up on his lap. They stayed that way for a while.

“Tom, this is seriously incredible. You’re gonna be in a movie!”

He pulled back quickly.

“Don’t be too quick, now. This is only an audition, there’s no way to say I’ll actually get the part-” he started, but y/n got off him and kneeled on the floor, so that her eyes were level with his and she could grab his upper arms to look at him directly.

“You’re gonna get that part,” she smiled, unable to contain her excitement. “You’re gonna nail that audition, and you’re getting that part. This is gonna be your big break, I just know it.”

“Thanks for believin’ in me. Hopefully I won’t prove you a liar this time,” he replied, pulling her up into another hug.

She ended up being right, too, because after his first audition, he got a callback during Christmas break and secured the role which he’d film the summer between junior and senior year.

The pair knew they were really starting to grow up, but didn’t let their different pursuits come between them just yet.

Tom was the one who drove her to her final ACT where she got her perfect score (since she didn’t have a car yet), and the movie filmed a few hours away in the Birmingham area (where y/n drove Tom’s truck in his absence since he was still too young to live there alone).

It worked, for the most part.

∆ present ∆

Tom drew in a sharp breath and winced, limping through the barn and plopping onto a hay bale as he gulped down some water. He had been walking up and down the rows watering the plants, as the four-wheeler Melanie’s dad typically used to water was broken.

“How’s it looking, Mr. Carmichael?” he asked, dabbing away the sweat on his forehead with a towel as he rehydrated.

The older gentleman stood up and looked at Tom.

“Well, son. I’ve almost got this thing here fixed, but you ain’t looking too good,” he pointed out.

“What do you mean, sir?” Tom asked. He may have lost his accent, but didn’t forget his manners.

“Looks like you’ve been ridin’ horses the way you’re walkin’. New boots? Not to mention that sunburn you’re startin’ to nurse. Why don’t you run up to the house and have Mel fix those up. I’m sure her momma fixed some lunch for ya, too.”

“A- are you sure, sir? I’ve only got about 10 more rows before I’m done.”

“No, no. It’s alright, boy. Run along and fix yourself up. I’ll handle the rest.”

Tom thanked the man and slowly got up, immediately remembering the pain in his feet and now aware of the stinging on his cheeks.

He’d forgotten that boots don’t really break themselves in and he hadn’t worn very thick socks. He also had somehow neglected that the sun beats just as hard in the farmlands as it does in Malibu.

He waddled up to the house, where Melanie was on the porch reading a book.

“Well by God, Tom. You’re walkin’ like you just got your back blown out for the first time,” she laughed, causing his cheeks to redden more.

“They’re new boots, alright? Now could you help me out? Your dad said you might know of something?”

She looked past him towards the barn, then closed her book and nodded her head towards the door, standing.

“Come on. Momma made you a sandwich if you want it. You can leave your boots by the door.”

They headed inside, a large living room on the right and the kitchen to the left. Tom wiggled his shoes and socks off in the entryway as Melanie ducked into a hallway to grab a few things.

“Oh Tom! I’m glad you came in! Are you hungry? I’ve got lunch for ya,” Mrs. Carmichael said as she appeared from the kitchen.

“That would be really nice, Mrs. Carmichael. Thank you,” he replied as she sat him down at the kitchen table, placing a plate with a turkey sandwich and some chips in front of him along with a glass of sweet tea.

He dug into the meal, immediately realizing just how hungry he really was. By the time he’d finished the sandwich (which really didn’t take that long), Melanie appeared with a laundry basket full of stuff. Tom washed down his meal with some tea before speaking.

“Jesus, Mel, how much does it take to patch up some blisters?” he asked.

“First off, don’t be takin’ the Lord’s name in vain in this house,” she commanded, pointing her head towards her mother in the living room, to which Tom covered his mouth and shot a thumbs up. “And second, I figured it best just to grab all my stuff than dig through it.”

She plopped the basket on the table and herself into the seat next to Tom, stealing a chip from his plate. It crunched in her mouth as she began pulling out random things like a stethoscope, a blood pressure cuff, and meds.

“What’s that all for?” Tom asked, brows furrowed. Melanie gave back an equally confused look and went back to digging.

“What do you mean? They’re just medical supplies.”

“Well, yeah, but I mean why do you have a stethoscope and stuff?”

She paused what she was doing and looked back up at Tom.

“You do know I’m a nurse, right?” she asked. She immediately knew he didn’t by the way his eyes popped open.

After high school, Melanie had been able to go off and get her nursing degree, now working in the closest hospital which was, you guessed it, 45 minutes away.

She usually worked 12 hour shifts at the hospital Tuesday through Thursday, spending her other days at home so she could respond to small needs around town, especially on weekends when people liked to get drunk and be reckless.

“Oh, wow. I didn’t realize that. Good for you,” Tom replied, unsure of what else to say.

“It’s alright. You’ve been gone quite a while and we all know you ain’t checking in on what happens ‘round these parts no more. Now take this and let me grab the aloe from the fridge,” she said, dropping two advil on his plate and getting up.

Tom did as told, feeling the weight of what she had dismissively said. He really hadn’t checked in since leaving. Sure, his brothers and Harrison sometimes kept him in the loop. At least, he thought so.

He was trying to remember what the last big piece of news he had heard about home was, but came up short. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen anything on social media about home, since he’d unfollowed most of the people back home after his career took off.

They all reminded him of y/n anyways.

“You mind if I put some of this on your face?” Melanie asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. He obliged and she spread some of the cool aloe gel over his sunburn.

“Feel better?” she asked, to which he nodded. “Good, now let’s take a look at those blisters.”

She cringed when she saw how beat up his feet were. She pulled out a bit of numbing gel, hydrocolloid bandages, and fabric tape. Soon enough, she had his blisters all covered up and was handing him some more bandages and tape.

“Now I want you to leave these on as long as possible, alright? When they fall off or the spot in the middle gets too big, you’ll switch ‘em out for new. You should be in ship shape here in a few days. And you best not forget sunscreen from now on.”

“Will do. Thanks again, Mel. Hard to believe I’ve been gone long enough for you to become a nurse and all, huh?” Tom asked, half joking. Melanie nodded.

“Yeah, well. ‘Lot’s changed around here, even if it don’t look like it. You’d be surprised… Now before I forget...” Melanie quickly got up and left the room, returning with two wood and metal contraptions. “Here’s some boot stretchers to put in your shoes when you get home. Should help stretch ‘em out and I’m sure the boys would lend you some leather conditioner.”

With that, Tom put his boots back on and thanked Mrs. Carmichael for the meal, heading back outside. He found Mr. Carmichael sitting on the now-functioning four wheeler.

“Well, boy, you all good?” the older man asked.

“Yes sir. Melanie got me all taped up and your wife made a great lunch. So what else do you need me to do?”

Mr. Carmichael looked around for a moment, staring at a few things, then back at Tom.

“Well I got the rest all watered and y/n won’t be around with fertilizer till tomorrow so why don’t you go home and rest up those feet, eh?”

Tom tried to object, as it was still quite early in the day, but the old man wouldn’t have it. He eventually conceded and gave one last thank you, hopping into his old truck and heading home, pondering why y/n would be bringing fertilizer in the coming day.

∆

A/N: hope you guys are liking this story so far! I really love the time jumping, and the progression of it in future chapters is really cool!

Send a message or ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent or series taglists so I can verify you’ve been added!

Tag list: @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @l0lmk, @primadonnasdream, @bookworm06, @thenoddingbunny-blog, @agentnataliahofferson, @spider-babe, @stxfxniexreads, @mortallythoughtfulgurl, @onebigolemess, @justafangirlduh,

#sweet home alabama #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland story

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sxveme-2 · 3 years

Text

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Unedited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Twenty Six: The One With the Letters

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 3851

Never once in Lily's life did she ever believe she would find herself fretting the life of Bucky Barnes in a personal way. Not the type of way that would have her up for a week straight all night. Not the type of way that would have her going on jogs just to stop thinking about it. Not the type of way that would have her son clinging to her in fear that he wouldn't come home. He had become a staple in her life, and not having any contact with him for a week straight, and having no idea where in the world he is, was one of the hardest things she had to endure. At least, that's how she had felt in the moment.

Mere days ago, she had sat in her bed with his arms tightly wrapped around her. Keeping her safe and warm, hiding away her vulnerable state from the darkest of evils in the world. It scared her just how much he had come to mean to her, and just how much Hunter had become attached to him. The father figure the boy had lacked all of those years with Scott being a mere phantom in his life.

However, as much as Lily would prefer nothing more than to curl up deep underneath the goosedown covers and silk sheets of the Avengers Compound, life went on. Her life didn't cease to continue or stop. She had a son to take care of and a dog to feed, and a very pregnant sister to keep from losing her ever loving mind. But she also had work. The hospital had her filing reports as a 'work from home' assignment, and finishing up any medical journals and analysis she had to do. She was on call for an emergency, and was counting down the minutes before she would be brought back.

So, as Lily sat at the desk in the small office the Avengers had offered her, typing up examinations, her mind went numb. All she thought about was the clicking of her fingers and the gentle breathing of Joey coming from beside her. Hunter was doing his homework in his own room, giving Lily some peace and quiet to get her work done. But she had also come to realize over the past week, the Avengers Compound wasn't exactly the best place to be working.

"I told you that muffin was mine, Natasha!" Clint echoed as the two pairs of footsteps halted out front of Lily's closed door.

"Your name wasn't on it!" Nat retaliated, "And that is a known rule in this place. Unless your name is on it, it's free for the taking!"

And that was at 9 in the morning, and was only the first issue of the day.

"You have no regard for the finer things in life." Tony scoffed as he and Bruce also stopped in front of her door.

"No, I just have a sense of money." He retorted, only egging Tony on.

Glancing down at her clock, Lily let out an audible groan. It was only 9:30, a mere half an hour after Natasha and Clint had let their argument go public. But Lily continued on, making sure to pop in her earphones for the virtual conversation she had to do. Some of her patients had set up the online appointments while Lily was away from her physical workplace, and she was thankful. But it was also harder for her to give accurate diagnosis with it, which resulted in a bit more work on her own end. When 11 struck, Lily turned on her computer camera and readied herself for the consultation.

"Hi Olivia!" Lily beamed and waved as the young girl and her mother popped up on the screen, "How are you today hun?"

"Not good, Dr. Osborne." The seven year old sighed, scratching at her chest. A rash that had burdened the young girl for the past week while they waited for Lily to see them.

"Oh no! Well, that's alright, cause I'll make sure to get it all sorted out for you. Why don't you tell me what's been going on. When did the rash show up?" She asked, flipping over her file for the young curly haired girl.

Just as Olivia went to speak, the door to the office burst open and slammed against the wall. Joey's head shot up and Lily flinched at the noise, turning slightly in her chair to see what the large noise was about. Pursing her lips, Lily lowered her eyes at the two tall men that stood in the doorway. One being broad with that signature American charm, and the other holding a Godly presence that was hard to deny. Steve and Thor glanced warily at each other as Lily raised her eyebrows, giving that signature mom stare.

"Lady Osborne, forgive us," Thor began, "but do you mind if we ask you a small question?"

Lowering her eyes, Lily tilted her head, "Can it wait?" She said through gritted teeth, nodding towards the computer where two dumbstruck patients sat on the other in, taking in the fact that two Avengers were in the same room as their doctor. Both men looked down at her with a clearly guilty tinge to their bright blue eyes, but she also knew they wouldn't give up.

"Well it's just quick." Steve pushed, shifting on his feet.

Lowering her eyes, she sent a quick apologetic look to her patients before turning to the two superheroes, "Out with it then." She sighed, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her lap.

"Which one of us has bluer eyes?"

"Alright get out." Lily snapped, shooing the two and turning her attention back to the young girl she was helping.

-----

Letting her hair down from the clip clamped on the back of her head, Lily logged off of her computer. She leaned her head back and shook out the stiff tresses that had been pulled back the whole day. Her fingers were cramped and shoulders stiff, leaving her uncomfortable in the chair she sat. Standing to her feet, the blonde slid off her white lab coat and dusted off the lace white dress she wore and readjusting the yellow cardigan. Patting her leg, Joey hopped to his feet and followed the woman out into the halls of the continuously noise hallway of the Avengers compound.

"The kid can cook better than you, Clint." Wanda chirped, earning a snicker from the other Avengers as Lily walked into the kitchen where everyone sat around on couches.

"Who taught you how to cook like that, buddy?" Tony asked, glancing over at the kitchen where Rose and Hunter bustled around.

"Not my mom." The twelve year old commented cooly, not even bothering to send a second glance Lily's way as everyone acknowledged her presence in the room.

"That's true," Lily laughed, walking forward with her arms crossed over her chest, "I handle breakfast. But it was actually Bucky that taught Hunter how to handle the kitchen. With the help of Rose, of course." She shrugged, taking a seat in an armchair across from Wanda and Vision.

"Cyborg can cook?" Tony scoffed, as though he didn't believe it.

"He can. He used to cook for his sister back in the day when his parents weren't around," Steve responded, "But I never knew he continued doing it. Figured he'd just relied solely on take out most days."

Light conversation continued over dinner after the two other Osborne's served everyone. Jokes about the interruptions Lily endured earlier throughout the day by the various superheroes seated around her. Or about how Thor and Steve both had very beautiful blue eyes. But the latter's eyes seemed stuck to Lily throughout the dinner. Not in a flirtatious way, oh no, but in a way that was almost pity. He knew Lily didn't really want to be there, and would have rather been at home with her son and sister. But there was a certain remorse as well that clouded his vision, one that sent a shiver down Lily's back. It worried her what could be on the supersoldier's mind. A feeling of anxiety had settled itself into the blonde's stomach as dinner finished and Steve lingered by the door while Lily helped clear the table.

"Hey, Lily, mind if I talk to you for a minute?" Steve finally piped up, catching the blonde's attention as she handed Natasha the final plate.

Nodding her head, Lily excused herself and walked over to the Captain, wiping her hands off on a towel before joining him on the other side of the living room. His hands were stuffed deep into his pockets and Lily grew even more wary of his actions. Steve's eyes kept dancing down towards the floor and sending more anxiety rushing through her. She knew that if Bucky were to contact anyone, it would be Steve or her. And with a mission, she knew Steve outranked her. She didn't mind, not one bit. But if there was something that had gone wrong, she would have preferred if he was outright with it.

"Bucky said that if we don't hear from him or Sam for a week," The blonde had begun, causing a small sweat to form on Lily's brow, "He wanted me to take you to his apartment and grab something. He never really kept valuables here when he stayed at the compound so..."

Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to blink away the tears that gathered in her waterline, "D-Do you think something happened to them?"

Steve finally met her gaze and pursed his lips, contradicting the words that left his mouth, "No. No they're just fine. Bucky and Sam have gone on much more complicated missions than this. They're okay Lily."

Deciding to test the man, Lily sniffled and spoke, "Promise?

Instead of answering, Steve handed the mother her coat and nodded towards the front door of the compound.

-----

The entire ride down to Brooklyn was that of silence and awkward glances from the supersoldier to the young single mother who looked as though a murder were going to take place. She knew Steve wouldn't give her any answers, maybe it was because he didn't have any, or it could be because he didn't want to. She wasn't entirely sure. All that Lily knew, was that she was pissed off at the entirety of the situation. Whether it be her parents' ignorant mistakes, Bucky being someone she didn't know, or the fact her entire family was in danger because of her parents. The entire situation was one Lily never would have dreamed up for herself in a million years, and sometimes she pinched herself in effort to wake up from the nightmare.

"We're here." Steve stated grimly as the two came to a stop in front of a slightly rundown building.

Without a word, Lily stepped from the car and pulled out her keys. The one she needed dangled apart from the others, as though it knew that it was about to be used. Bucky had given her a key to his apartment back in January, deciding that if he could get into her place, it was only right to give her the same luxury. They never spent much time in his apartment, seeing as he enjoyed being at her place more. But every so often, when Gen and Rose were watching Hunter and Bucky and Lily went for dinner, they'd stay the night in the small apartment and enjoy the company of one another.

Steve followed Lily as she buzzed in, speaking directly to the landlord who let her in without a second thought. The two mounted the creaking stairs up to the third level where Bucky's apartment sat. Right next door was a lovely elderly woman who would always bring Lily cookies whenever she heard that the blonde was over. And on the other side was one of Lily's patients actually. A single father raising twin girls, Nina and Hallie. And right between the two, was the small but modest apartment of Bucky Barnes.

Unlocking the door, Lily pushed her way in. The familiar scent of Bucky wafted into her nose and she placed a hand on her throat as though she were choking on it. Steve shuffled past her and bent down in front of the television, pulling out a stack of four envelopes wrapped in twine. Lily watched in curiosity as Steve made his way back over, giving her a dry and sympathetic smile before placing the envelopes in her hands.

"I'll go wait in the car, okay?" He whispered, resting a kind hand on her shoulder before walking from the apartment.

Lily slid the stack into her purse and took in the sight around her. On the side table beside the couch, her wine glass from lord knows how long ago sat empty. Shaking her head and muttering about how much of a mess the man was, Lily walked over and picked it up. As she cleaned up a bit, her senses dulled from the scent. She just wanted him close. That musky pine and firewood that intoxicated her whenever it was near. The blonde stepped into his bedroom and further into his closet, pulling out three of his shirts to take with her back to the compound. Would it make her feel better? She wasn't sure. But it didn't stop her from spraying a bit of his cologne onto the three before joining Steve back down in the car.

-----

When the two returned back to the compound, no one said a word to Lily as she rushed past to her bedroom. Rose had tucked Hunter in, and the look on her sister's face set the younger one off to know that now wasn't the time to talk.

Tears threatened to fall as Lily shut the door to the bedroom after Joey had wadded in. Dropping her jacket and purse, Lily changed into pyjama bottoms and one of Bucky's shirts, letting the feeling of the soft cotton warm her chilled skin. That ever addicting scent filled her nose as she took a seat on her bed, pulling the reading glasses she had been prescribed recently onto her nose, and preparing herself for the letters she was about to read.

"September 24th

I'm not sure what prompted me to write this. But I just had a feeling it would come in handy one day.

I kissed a girl yesterday that makes me feel as though everything around me has melted away. I had been telling my therapist about her, but never thought I'd have the strength to do something so bold. I hadn't even expected her to show up at Sam's birthday. She never seemed like the kind of girl to do parties but she came. And I suppose that's all thanks to Thor

The moment I laid eyes on her at that cafe, something lit up inside of my heart. Whether it was her smile, or the way her eyes avoided mine whenever they met. She wasn't scared though. No, she was just nervous. The way she stumbled over her words when Sam spoke to her, him having more courage than I ever could dream of.

And her son, god. God her son is as perfect as they come. A sweet boy, and clearly attached to his mother. Sam warned me that if I got involved in something like this, the kid would always be number one. But I don't care. If it meant bringing Lily something to smile about, and help her forget about that jackass of an ex-husband, I'd do it.

I wish I had taken a photo of her when she walked down the stairs last night. The grace that followed her even as she tried to shrug away the stress of that night. God, I never thought I deserved someone like this in my life. Someone with a touch so soft I feel as though I'm the one that would break. But she doesn't seem afraid of me.

And I'll do anything it takes to ensure she never is."

Lily let out the breath that clung to her throat as though it was scared to be released. Pressing the first note to her chest, Lily let a few tears slip past her bottom lashes, streaking down her flushed cheeks. Placing it to the side, she pushed on. Opening the second envelope, Lily knew that these would only get harder to read as she went on.

"November 8th

I never thought someone would see me as loveable. Or a father figure at that. Always thought I'd be reduced down to a pity date or someone people just wanted to learn about. But when she looked up at me with those bright eyes, I knew that she cared. She wanted to know every story, and learn every secret that I have.

Watching her with Hunter is always the highlight of my day. The way her eyes get brighter and her smile grows wider. Lily is truly one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, but there's just something to her that furthers that beauty when she's with her son. He had been a part of something that caused her more pain than she should have had to endure, but yet, she has no resentment. Not a shred of doubt that she was doing a good job. It's something I want someday, a family. Away from the fighting and the constant running.

And the way Hunter looked at me, not only asking Lily for permission, but asking me as well...it's all I could have ever wanted. I knew at that moment that Hunter would be the son that wasn't mine. But one that I love and care for nonetheless.

She's truly a wish come true for me. The nights I spend without her are hard. Whenever I have nightmares, she's there. Running gentle fingers down my face and ensuring I know that it's okay. And I believe her. I believe her with every ounce of me."

Lily was now full on waterworks. Her tears fell like a stream down her face as she reread the words he had written no one. The ones that he had said to himself in the privacy of his own home. She ran her thumb over the slight stain of a tear that she had made, an exact parallel of the older one on the opposite side. His. Pressing the paper to her forehead, Lily took a deep breath before opening the third one.

"December 24th

I doubt I'll get out of this one. She's gonna kill me and I know it. I made her a promise. Told her that I would be home for Christmas Eve. But here I sit, on a jet with wounds littering my body from people who I never thought would be a problem that would cause this much effort.

Not sure if I'm more scared of them, or the wrath of Lily that I was about to face when the plane landed.

I've never seen her genuinely angry. I've seen her frustrated, anxious, annoyed, and everything in between. But never angry. I had to wonder if that had anything to do with Scott. Maybe his anger all those years forced her to keep her own in check. Maybe just like I'm sometimes scared of myself, she's scared of herself.

I miss her eyes the most. The way they stared up at me. Or crinkled when she laughed and smiled. Or how they rolled whenever I made a stupid remark. Everything about her eyes. The darker spots of brown that littered the green around them, creating a hazel that I fell head over heels for.

I'll be home soon, darling. I promise."

A choked sob ripped from Lily's throat as she gripped the letter with tight fingers. She wanted nothing more than to just hold him. Keep him in her arms forever. Keep him from the horrors of the world just as she did him. She just wanted him to be home. With her, with Hunter. Anything. She didn't care what it took. She would stand up to her parents herself if it meant having him and Sam home safe. However, she still had one letter to go through. One she dreaded reading just from looking at the date.

"February 23rd

I have to leave her today. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. Those bright eyes, that crooked smile. The blush that rose to her cheeks when I stared too long. The nose scrunch she made whenever I flicked it when she made dumb comments. This could be a final ride for me. The danger is something I promised to keep her away from. But I failed.

I failed miserably.

But they want something they can't have. They want my family. And I'll be damned before they lay their hands on them. The selfish part of me wished Steve would go instead, but this was my fight. I just wished I could hold her longer. Kiss her once more. Feel her hands on me once more.

She's asleep right now. Unaware of the true dangers that lay out in the world. The pain that they want to cause her. I hate myself for my job. Hate that I let her get this close. To create that attachment. I've become too close to her heart and her family. Hunter...I can't even think about him without tears filling my eyes. The pain I've caused him, I can't forgive myself for that. Not now, not in ten years, not ever.

I could slip away in the night. Leave early and handle the mission on my own. Even though it was essentially suicide without a partner. But I'm willing to give myself up if it meant she was safe. Tucked away in my little corner of the universe. But who am I kidding? She may be timid but that fire inside of her is lighting and I know that not much stands in her way.

I loathe myself for letting her fall for me as I did her. For falling for me in a way that can't be undone, only by death. And that may be the case. I may never see her again. And I know that it's selfish but I think that would be better. For her to move on with her life and pretend I never existed. That what was between us wasn't anything too important. Hunter would move on, she would cope. And that's all I want. Her happiness.

Lily if you're reading this, it means that thing's aren't looking good. And if these are the last words you hear from me, I'm sorry. I knew I was too dangerous for you and you don't deserve that. But just know that truly, deeply, I care for you and Hunter more than these three words can describe:

I love you."

A knock at the window caused her breathing to cease.

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bnha-almost-a-hero · 4 years

Text

₊˚.༄━━𝐈𝐍𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄,

𝐈𝐍𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄,

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬; yandere! shigaraki tomura, gender neutral! reader, toga himiko, dabi

𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲; le casa de papel

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; mentions of death, blood, knives, mentions of guro, one mention of abuse, a knife fight happens, toga is a yandere and a whole ass warning on her own, dabi makes like one sexual reference, language, a vague post-apocalypse with bad worldbuilding, one vague reference to the dabi is a todoroki theory.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭; adaptation━━༉‧₊˚✧.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭*; (╭☞•́⍛•̀)╭☞ @inanabsentia & @maris-chan!

*just ask if you wanna be added or removed!

You stand straight as bone as you feel the sharp tip of the blade press hard against your back. A cold, clammy tingle pricks at your fingertips as your heart swells your veins with blood and your nerves pumps adrenaline through your body. You remember back to your biology class, remember back to your school days.

Conflict is a constant when observing animals and their behaviour. Species fight over territory, food, mates and other resources necessary to sustain life. You can remember the clicking beneath your biology teacher’s feet as they paced across the classroom, how eccentric they had been. Whilst fighting and killing is a necessary evil in nature, there are a list of animals who engage in killing for pleasure without any reasonable gain. Amongst these animals are humans.

If you attacked Toga or even killed her, would it simply be adhering to your animalistic nature, or was there another way around the situation? Vaguely, in some broken recess of your mind, you remember someone telling you that diplomacy was strictly a human invention: better than the wheel, or the steam engine, or even money.

That most likely wasn’t true, of course, but it was a thought that passed your mind. Maybe if you talked your way out of this, maybe if you used reasoning and such, you wouldn’t have to fight at all. That was preferable.

“I—,” Your mouth feels like it’s been stuffed with cotton, your throat so dry it ought to light a fire. You stare ahead at the door across the hallway—white and gilded and ostentatious. If only you could reach out and push it open, escape towards the light. That was when you glimpsed it.

The door was ajar, if only slightly, enough for the passing person to be able to look in with ease. You swallow deep and turn toward Toga, readying your bluff, “I was going to close the door. I—I didn’t want anyone listening to us.”

Toga grips your arm harder, twists it hard as she swerves the knife round and forward in one swift motion, until it’s inches from your throat. You can almost smell the metallic tinge of the steel. The metal glints in the harsh light emanating from the bulb above you, a white, flashing warning of danger that curls around the blade. Your heart pulses.

“Do you think I’m stupid, ____-chan?” Toga asks. Her voice is simple, with the sing-song inflection that you’ve come to know from her. “I know you’re not totally onboard with Tomura’s plan, my Izuku wasn’t either, but you’ll come to know. You’ll learn to love him,” She leans in to press her face against the crook of your neck. Her breath pricks at your skin as she speaks. “Just you wait. Love is the best feeling there is. The thump, thump of your heart filling with sweet, sweet blood. Oh, it makes me so, so thirsty, ____-chan. Can’t you tell?”

You loathed to think of what her idea of ‘thirsty’ was and you were even more loathed to imagine confronting Shigaraki. Your instincts were begging you to look past all that, however, and look to what really mattered. And what really mattered was dealing with the blade hovering near your throat.

“Toga—” You consider for a moment, then correct yourself, “Himiko, please. Look, I—” You swallow your pride and your emotions and the sick, sinking feeling in your gut. “I’m flattered that Shigaraki, I mean, Tomura, feels like that. Maybe, if you could let me talk to him, we could come to an agreement? You know, on our own?”

Toga hums, the vibration wracking your body with another layer of warm chill. Finally, she withdraws the knife from your neck with a slash and speaks, “Maybe,” She states, sliding two fingers against your arm, “Maybe I’ll talk to him for you. Oh! I’ve always wanted to play matchmaker! In my perfect world, I get what I like, right? I really, really want you two together. You’ll let me do that for you, won’t you?” She grips your arm tighter, practically wringing it out in her ferocity. Her other hand twirls her blade around for your scrutiny. “But, I really want to cut you first, though,” She hovers her lips close to your ear. “It’s been so long since I tasted blood. Just a little prick or maybe a little more?”

Your brain helpfully flicks through a thousand ways you could die all in an instant, but the adrenaline has you feeling a bit more determined, a bit more defiant, a bit more animalistic. Diplomacy was certainly not going to work judging by Toga’s tone, but you really didn’t want to wrestle a teenager to the ground. Although, your frontal lobe reasons, she is a direct danger to you and your survival. Attacking her would be a matter of self-defence; you’d be standing your ground.

“I’ll cut you nice and deep, maybe to the bone.” Toga mutters, casting a gaze to her knife. “No, no, the knife’s not sharp enough. I guess Tomura won’t mind if I cut into your leg or maybe your arms. I’ll just get a nice, juicy vein—“

Without a thought, you draw your elbow back and jam it against Toga’s skull, sending her stumbling back as you hop to action and begin running.

Before the world had ended, you had tuned into some nature documentary whilst cleaning. It was about a wolf and a hare. You remember all of the adaptations the hare had, how evolution had saved it from the claws of the wolf time and time again.

It was funny now and you had to stifle an ill-timed chuckle. You were the hare, running along marble instead of the dewy grasses of a morning pasture and Toga was something of a wolf, with her blade as her claws and her paws twitching to be coated in blood.

“I like it when they run,” She giggles simply as she joins you in your tango between life and death. You barely hear her past the thumping of your ears. Or was that your heart? “They always get scuffed up when they run.”

Your lungs and your nostrils burn white-hot and you count. You count the uneven footsteps of Toga’s shoes against the waxy marble; you count the pulsings of your heart against your rib-cage; you count the metres between you and safety. To fall now, even if it was a brief stumble would mean pain—grievous pain knowing Toga.

And you wouldn’t dare let your friend, Izumi, down like that. You couldn’t leave them alone surrounded by villains lead by a man who hated them. And you make a promise to Izumi as you run, a promise to yourself. There’d be no more playful banter with your villainous captors. Every step you took would be a step devoted to leading your fellow hostages out of the bank and to safety. You swear upon it.

“Gotcha!” Toga announces suddenly, diving toward the floor to grip at your right leg. She tugs sharply and you come tumbling to the ground with the scuff of a shoe. Reflexively, you allow your body to fall on your arms—the only thing saving you from a possible concussion, though your elbows are left aching and burning as a result.

Toga pulls you toward her once more, but you turn swiftly and jam your knee up into her face. She groans, head bobbing backward and you roll fully onto your back, using your left leg to shimmy your way across the floor. A giggle ricochets off the walls, as Toga rears her left arm up and you catch a glimpse of her knife against the ceiling light.

Shit, you think as she bears the knife down onto you. Your attempt to roll to the side is halted as Toga digs her knees into your pelvis, pinning you to the ground as the knife inches closer and closer. Your body lurches up on its own to grab at her wrist with all the might you can muster, holding it in place as she struggles against you.

“Come on, ____-chan!” She begs, pressing the knife down harder. You dig your nails into her wrist but she doesn’t budge. “I swear I won’t touch your face if you just let me—!”

Pinkies, your brain reminds you, put pressure on her pinkies. Your eyes blink with realisation as you remember the online self-defence course you took on the recommendation of your friend. If you put pressure on an opponent’s pinkies, they were more likely to drop their weapon. Something to do with nerves or reflex or something.

You curl your fist around her left pinky finger, twisting it backwards. Her face scrunches up as she screams and her knife drops onto your chest.

Dopamine and adrenaline flood your veins as you grab her wrist and slam her down onto the floor beside you. The yellow of her eyes haze over as you grab the blade and press it flush and flat against her throat.

For good measure and to rub your victory in, you press your knee into her gut and she coughs weakly. Your chest rises and falls as you murmur a thanks to your self-defence tutor, with techniques like that they’d do good in an apocalypse.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You ask, more out of surprise than anything. “I—.”

The creak of the hallway door surprises you and you force your eyes up. Dabi stands there in the threshold, looking quite pleased with himself as he buries his hands into his pockets.

“What did I tell you about attacking the hostages, you crazy bitch? Especially when its Crusty’s favourite jizz material,” He meets your gaze with an electric blue, then angles his head in the direction of the main atrium. “The boss wants to talk to you, or somethin’. Probably gonna confess his dweeby love. I’ll follow you there so Crazy doesn’t attack you again.”

You nod and pocket Toga’s knife in case Shigaraki tries anything. As you rise to your feet, however, Toga grips at your leg. When you look down at her, her nose is all bloody and her lips are curled into a wide smile.

“You’re so strong,” She murmurs, coughing up a little blood and bile. “I wanna be just like you.”

You can’t help but shudder and turn away from Toga—guilt settling deep into your gut. I just beat up a seventeen-year-old whilst being held hostage by Japan’s most dangerous villains all during a post-apocalypse, you think, I need to write a memoir and get a publishing deal.

Dabi holds his arm out for you and, when you quirk a brow, he scrunches up his nose and shakes his head.

“I was taught etiquette as a kid,” He elaborates as he guides you to the bank’s main office that Shigaraki has declared his own. “Hard-ass dad beat it into me; it’s a reflex now.”

You nod—wondering how somehow Dabi of all people could be the most sane villain out of the bunch. Then again, you haven’t exactly met the others but you didn’t have much faith in their tact.

You walk in pleasant silence until Dabi comes to a halt in front of a grand door. He turns to you.

“Don’t tell Shigaraki that I brought you here,” Dabi instructs you with a grave look on his face. “He’ll piss his pants if he knew I touched you.” He looks down to the pocket, bulging with the imprint of Toga’s knife. “Oh and try not to pull the knife on him right off the bat too.”

You nod again and smile as he turns and walks off. Then, steeling your nerves—your bones—your heart before, finally, you turn and knock.

#shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader #yandere shigaraki #yandere shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #bnha x reader #tw: yandere #tw: blood #tw: fight #tw: gore #tw: knives #tw: death mention #🙴 my work.#˙˚*:･ﾟ༻series: adaptation

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tmntgirlie · 4 years

Text

Saviors in a Half Shell 5

“Let me get this straight. You guys were the ones who really saved the city? Twice?”

The commotion had made national news headlines for weeks years ago. The most recent occurrence was five years ago, way before Y/N had made her way to the city.

It was the sort of thing that led to many online conspiracy theories, but none of them had any solid evidence. The media led people to believe it was a man named Vernon Fenwick, who had subsequently called himself ‘the Falcon’.

How obnoxious.

“We knew we wouldn’t be accepted by the general public, and he just so happened to be working with us- it made sense,” Leonardo shrugged.

“People are so gullible,” she snorted. She shook her head. “Even I had a feeling he couldn’t have taken that thing down without help. I mean, one man? Unless it was dumb luck. I’m still trying to understand why someone wants to take over a city. A single city. What, turn it into his kingdom? He knows there are bigger and better cities out there, right?”

“Bigger and better? Oh, man! We have been so busy saving this city, we haven’t been able to finish our hip-hop Christmas album!” Mikey couldn’t have sounded more pitiful.

Y/N laughed. “I’d love to hear you guys try to rap Silent Night. Ninjas and all.”

Right as Michelangelo opened his mouth to give her a proper demonstration, he was pushed over by his red-banded brother.

“Someone’s a party pooper.”

“I just spared your eardrums,” Raph said, looking quite pleased with himself.

“What a sweetheart,” Y/N said through a snort. These guys were definitely brothers, the way they treated each other.

“Speaking of sweethearts,” Mikey grinned. “What are you going to do now? Now that you know us and all. You gonna stay here for good?”

“Mikey-” Raph growled.

Y/N just shook her head. “I have an apartment in Brooklyn I should probably get back to at some point. And a job.”

“Do you think you’re ready to get back to all that?” Leonardo asked her quietly. He still wasn’t sure what pushed you so far towards the edge- depression, that was pretty clear. Was there a more specific reason?

She shrugged again. “Have to sooner or later. It comes and goes. Good days, bad days, you know?” She looked around the room with a small smile. “Plus, if I go back to… All that, and I feel like it’s all going down the drain again- well, you guys make a mean cup of tea.”

The brothers looked between each other. It was obvious they all felt some type of way to hear that she was leaving. They had known this woman for less than twenty-four hours, and yet the thought of her leaving them left them feeling empty. She was one more human that accepted them for who they were. She didn’t run, she didn’t scream, she just accepted it.

“I took the liberty of adding our numbers to your phone,” Donatello said finally. “In case you ever need us for any reason.”

“Need a cup of tea, an escape, a friend-”

“-Boyfriend-” Mikey cut in.

Raph wasted no time knocking him over completely this time.

“I don’t think I could handle you, Michelangelo,” Y/N gave him a small smile. “You remind me of me when I was younger.”

Mikey got to his feet, dusting off his thighs. “How old are you again?”

She grinned. “Twenty-one, legal drinking age.”

He shook his head in confusion. “We’re older than you.”

“I really can’t thank you guys enough for this,” Y/N said, ignoring Mikey’s statement. “Especially you two.” She looked between Raphael and Leonardo. “Especially you two. And the Thai food of course.”

It felt like it had been an eternity since she left. It was almost dusk, it had really only been hours. Donatello gave her an extremely detailed map of the sewers, including the streets they followed, in case she wanted to come down by herself. They all figured she’d just ask for an escort, but in case she didn’t feel like it.

“And as soon as she comes into our lives, she leaves,” Michelangelo said through a dramatic sigh. “Do you think she’ll be okay?”

“She’ll be alright,” Donatello said. “I added multiple suicide hotlines and therapists to her phone when I added us.”

“She can’t just stay here forever,” Raphael grunted. “She lives up top, she belongs up there. April and Casey don’t live their lives down here with us, do they? No, they live up top with the other humans.”

Leonardo stayed quiet. They were right- she belonged up there with the other humans. She had a job, an apartment, a life- they were just four turtles that lived in the shadows. They saved her from a mistake she couldn’t go back from. What she did now was up to her.

“Maybe we should check on her tonight!” Mikey said, disrupting Leonardo from his thoughts. “Don, you got her address, right?”

“You think I’d let her leave without knowing where to find her? Do you even know me?” Donatello let out a ‘pfft’. “I have her address, her workplace, her social media profiles.”

“Isn’t that going a little too far?” Leonardo said.

“It’s all for her safety!” Mikey argued, even though the question obviously wasn’t pointed towards him.

Leonardo sighed. “Fine. We can check on her tonight.”

He tried to convince himself it was for his brothers’ sake.

“Since you did all that research on her, might as well not put it to waste. Whadoya got, Donnie?” Raph asked as he plopped back down on the couch.

Donnie pushed up his goggles, more for effect than anything. They were quite literally strapped to his head. “According to all of her profiles, she was born in Iowa and moved here a year and a half ago. No listed family members. Says here that she works for herself, doesn’t say what, but I’m seeing a portfolio right here with a bunch of different headshots.”

Mikey made his way over to Donnie’s corner, squinting at the screens. “Maybe she’s a professional photographer. Do you think she could shoot the music video for our Christmas album?”

“I have a feeling it’s more of what’s in the picture that is her job,” Donnie said slowly. “My money’s on makeup or hair.”

“What do you know about that stuff?” Raph questioned.

“Hey, if it was a photography portfolio, you’d definitely see more variety than just heads,” Donnie replied, rolling his eyes.

“Too bad we don’t need a new hairdresser,” Raph snorted, running his hand over his bald head. “Alopecia right here.”

“We’re turtles, we don’t grow hair in the first place.”

“It was a joke, Don.”

“It wasn’t a very thought out joke.”

By that point, Leonardo was no longer paying attention to his brothers. He was no judge of skills with hair, but these pictures didn’t look half bad. Maybe he needed to pay attention to pop culture a bit more to understand. Was she dissatisfied with her work?

She hadn’t mentioned a roommate. He figured she lived alone. Leo recalled April saying how expensive it was to have your own apartment in any part of New York. She couldn’t have been that bad at her job to be able to live on her own.

His thoughts were disrupted when he felt his phone buzz.

Miss me yet? - Y/N

He frowned, looking down at the screen. It had only been hours.

You guys seriously messed up my sleep schedule, I’m wide awake and it’s almost nine at night. - Y/N

Oh yeah? Almost time for us to get to work - Leonardo

Ah, the night shift. Latest I’ve worked was probably until two. I didn’t want to even think about waking up the next morning. - Y/N

You work that late? - Leonardo

I had no idea this client was going to take me eight hours. We were almost sick of each other by the end of it. - Y/N

Maybe Donnie was right. He had no frame of reference for photography, but that seemed late. Did hair related things take that long?

I’ll let you get back to work. Maybe you’ll even save another damsel tonight. - Y/N

Let’s hope I don’t have to - Leonardo

He wasn’t sure his brothers could handle two humans in twenty-four hours. Mikey would go crazy.

“Leonardo? Earth to Leonardo?”

He bounced back into reality. “What did I miss?”

“Um, our entire conversation?” Mikey said, poking him on the shoulder. “It’s your head that’s in the clouds today.”

He sighed. “What, then?”

“April says she has a lead on the Purple Dragons,” Donnie said, turning towards them. “They’re hitting several spots tonight. We need to get going.”

“Alright, you know the drill,” Leonardo said loudly. “What are we waiting for?”

He didn’t have to ask twice.

Meanwhile, Y/N was settling back into her apartment. She regretted leaving it in such a mess the night before. It had taken her until now to finally get it straightened up enough to have company.

Not that she was expecting company.

She let out a small sigh as she placed a mug of tepid water in the microwave. She briefly recalled the events that ensued in the past twenty-four hours.

She did not wake up yesterday thinking she was going to get that close. It had taken all of her courage to even stand on that ledge. Heights were not her friend, ever since she was a child. Maybe it wasn’t the fear of heights so much as it was the fear of falling.

It didn’t make sense that it was her chosen method.

She shook her head quickly. No, those were not the kind of thoughts she needed. Not this soon.

Truth be told, it was hard to live in a city such as New York. It was so easy to get carried away with the hustle and bustle the city was known for. Even on her daily walk to the shop, she felt like a tiny speck in the big picture. Nobody gave her a smile, nobody even looked at her. It wasn’t what she was used to.

Hell, back in the Midwest, people smiled at strangers as they passed them on the road. They waved to people driving tractors, and were even pleasant if one was going ten miles per hour. But here?

If you so much as stopped on the sidewalk, you were given death glares and knew people wished you didn’t exist in that moment.

Maybe she wasn’t meant to stay here.

It was almost every hairstylist’s dream. If you could make it in New York, you really made it. It was a cherry on top if you ended up catering to hair shows, took on a sponsorship for various brands. If you made it in New York, you could even create your own line of color and hair products.

Two and a half years after gaining her license in hairdressing, it just wasn’t what she expected. The hair was great, that wasn’t the problem. The environment drained her. She wasn’t sure if it was worth the heartache.

But those four brothers…

“Maybe I should check in on them,” she told herself.

The microwave began to beep. She reached in to pull the hopefully hot water-filled mug and gasped when the ceramic burnt at her skin. No, she’d give that a minute to cool off, actually.

She glanced over at her phone, it was dangerously close to falling off the edge of the couch. Y/N made her way over and unlocked it with her fingerprint. As she did so, she quietly wondered how Donatello managed to get into it in the first place.

In fact, their four names were now listed as her emergency contact numbers. They were even color coded, not that she needed a reminder on who was who. She decided to text Leo.

Miss me yet? - Y/N

After thinking for another second, she sent another text. Hopefully they weren’t weird about double-texting.

You guys seriously messed up my sleep schedule, I’m wide awake and it’s almost nine at night. - Y/N

It wasn’t completely true, she didn’t typically go to bed until midnight or so. There was no harm in friendly banter, right?

She set her phone back down, on the counter this time, and went to check on her mug of hopefully no longer boiling hot water. Before her fingers even touched it, it dinged.

Oh yeah? Almost time for us to get to work - Leonardo

She looked at the message for a while, her mug of tea leaf-less water all but forgotten.

Ah, the night shift. Latest I’ve worked was probably until two. I didn’t want to even think about waking up the next morning. - Y/N

You work that late? - Leonardo

Did I ever tell them what I did for a living?

Not that it would really matter to them. They obviously didn’t need a beautician.

The hair thing, she was definitely referring to the hair thing. Turtles didn’t have hair. Not that she saw, anyway-

Y/N, I swear, they’re fuckin’ turtles. Of course they don’t have hair anywhere.

I had no idea this client was going to take me eight hours. We were almost sick of each other by the end of it. - Y/N

She remembered that night well. It was actually one of her first clients that she ever got since moving to the Big Apple. And boy, was this girl loyal. She bought product every time, tipped well, even consulted for possible wigs. Y/N wasn’t sure why she would want wigs, she had beautiful hair, but she wasn’t about to judge. That was money.

Plus, she worked for some TV station local to New York. This client was a dream client.

As soon as she sent the message, she groaned. He probably didn’t even care to hear about that kind of stuff. He was probably busy anyway. You know, saving the city.

I’ll let you get back to work. Maybe you’ll even save another damsel tonight. - Y/N

She had to admit, knowing she was the first person they’d saved in such a way made her feel special. Sure, it was the worst possible circumstance, but… In her mind, it was almost like fate. They were different, but they accepted her into their home so easily. They knew she needed help and didn’t hesitate to try their best. They gave her a safe space to sleep, away from her own world. It gave her time to clear her head. Maybe the meditating had something to do with it.

Let’s hope I don’t have to - Leonardo

For some reason, the last message didn’t hit quite right with her. It suddenly drew her back.

Just make some tea, Y/N. Light some candles. Deep breaths.

The last thing she wanted was to be a burden to these four new beings in her life she’d love to consider her first real friends in the city. She crossed her fingers that he didn’t mean his words the way she took them.

Candles lit, tea freshly brewed (and with a chunk of ice for good measure), Y/N settled down on the couch with an oversized blanket and decided to watch something on TV. That’d clear her mind.

“April’s hair does look so good,” she mumbled to herself with a smile, the first thing on TV was the nightly news. “Good job, me.”

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2k14 #tmnt 2k16 #adult turtles #reader insert #tmnt reader inesrt #tmnt leo #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph #tmnt donnie #leo x reader #leonardo x reader #tmnt x reader #tmnt imagines #leonardo tmnt #tmnt leonardo #bayverse tmnt #tmnt bayverse

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legemjohn · 3 years

Text

an introduction.

by now the "vinyl resurgence" has been so talked about, so reported on, so lived in that even kids know about it. you can easily catch children barely old enough to drive flexing a collection deep enough to make a lifelong aficionado envious, or a few choice cuts that are worth enough second hand to pay off someone's student loans. this isn't anything new anymore, it simply is. but for me, growing up, i didn't know what the hell "vinyl" was. my first experience with it was crawling around the floor in the family room of my childhood home, pulling back a door on our TV stand, and finding a short row of tall, colorful spines hidden behind a bag of playstation controllers. the pigments were faded, the text eaten up by missing pieces of print, the corners dented... they looked neglected, almost like antiques. i carefully grabbed one and pulled it out from the back of the cabinet, holding it in front of my face and trying to figure out what the hell it was. the picture on the front, while desaturated from years of dusty living, held a bright and warm color scheme that grabbed my eye immediately. hues of red and purple blended together on top of a large drawing of what kinda looked like bird wings, kinda looked like a flower in full bloom. a marble in the middle held a bob ross lookalike landscape inside, almost like a snowglobe. across it all was a single word in blue: "journey". "wait, journey? ugh, i hate journey." in my house, the only music that ever played was journey adjacent. any soon to be "classic rock" hair metal and blues rock bands you can think of, the more stereotypical the better, were the norm. journey, bon jovi, aerosmith... these were what i exclusively heard growing up. before i heard anything else, i enjoyed the music enough, but at this point, i had already had a borderline religious experience listening to "hybrid theory" by linkin park for the first time and realized what i had been missing out on. those aforementioned bands, with their flaccid riffs and sing along choruses just didn't hit anymore. regardless, my initial confusion wasn't quite solved. so, this has to do with the band journey, but what was this? i turned it over to see a list of songs on the back. i didn't really recognize any except for "wheel in the sky", a track that would often play from the speakers on top of the tv stand i was curled under. did this thing have music on it? i flipped it back around and felt one side of it gently open. looking inside, i was taken aback by how bad it smelled. it reminded me of my grandparent's basement, especially the corner of it filled with bins of old picture books that probably had seen more mold than air in recent years. the symptoms of neglect began to pile up. despite the less than stellar sensory experience at hand, i reached inside and grabbed hold of what felt like a thin plate. pulling it out softly, i found myself holding a flat, black disc. looking at the label, the deeply etched grooves, the rainbow pattern that would faintly shoot across the surface just in the right light, it dawned on me... i had seen these before! it wasn't rock music that introduced me to vinyl, but hip-hop... albeit, somewhat subliminally. countless music videos, photo shoots, album covers all featured these flat, black discs... either spinning endlessly or being pushed, flipped, and altogether manhandled by DJs. i didn't know what DJs did, but i at least knew that if someone was behind a machine with these discs on them, they were a DJ. eventually, my mother walked in and tersely told me to put the item back. i obliged and didn't think much of it for the immediate future. but as i got older and my passion for music grew insatiable, what i now knew as "records" or "LPs" became a curiosity i just couldn't ignore. my deep love of hip-hop led me to learn the history of house parties and sampling, educating me not only on LPs as a medium but as a tool. artists like trent reznor would speak endlessly about their experiences at record stores, how a single copy of pink floyd's "the wall" changed their life

beyond just the music in the grooves. i was entranced and i wanted in. meekly, i asked my mother if i could have some of the records sitting in the cabinet, maybe even just the duplicates. she flat out rejected the idea, to my dismay. i didn't even know how i could get a hold of these! i didn't have a credit card, so ebay was out of the question, plus i didn't have any record stores near me. but, i knew i could eventually find one if i looked online hard enough. for what i believe was my 12th or 13th birthday, i spent all my collected present money on a mail order shopping spree. i dropped something like $50 on CDs and 2 records from chicago's reckless records, to the confusion of my parents. while my love of music was growing in a way they couldn't ignore (despite them not even knowing yet i had been releasing music online already), any holiday money i would collect almost immediately got dropped off at a gamestop (or eb games when they were still around... or a babbages when they were still around) and exchanged for the newest tony hawk or gran turismo game. but no, not this time. this time, i was cashing out on music. so, when the package finally arrived and i excitedly had my mother open it, euphoria rushed in at lightning speed when i saw a black square inside, the same dimensions as that "journey" record all those years ago. sure, it was a cheap and somewhat scratched copy of a "the hand that feeds" remix 12" from nine inch nails (and a 45 copy of the "somewhere i belong" single from linkin park below), but it was my cheap and somewhat scratched copy. i didn't even have a record player, but i had finally did it... i bought my very own record. over 10 years, numerous moves, one massive sell off, and a half-decade tenure at a record store later, i currently have a record collection of over 500 pieces. i spent years and years endlessly curating and collecting LPs from all across the world, of any and all genres, and in all manner of conditions. and now i'm selling them. see, now we arrive at the point. (sorry for making you wait so long.) after all this time, i've made the decision to sell the vast majority of the collection i've basically spent a lifetime putting together. it wasn't an easy decision to make, as the idea bounced around in my head for years before i finally succumbed to the necessity of it, but this blog will be my way of giving the history i've been so lucky to collect over the years a proper, respectful send off. so here we go. over the next however long, i will be melodramatically and probably infrequently giving chunks of my collection one final rotation on my turntable, making my peace and saying my goodbyes to a part of my life that's come to define my relationship with my deepest passion: music. i'll reflect and share any stories or thoughts here as i go through, and hopefully someone other than myself will find some joy, entertainment, or even connection in these words. let's begin.

#vinylcollection #vinylrecords #vinylcommunity #records #lps #music #tumblog #writing #nonfiction #personal #nine inch nails

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applepiry · 4 years

Text

Karasuno Uni (Chap 3)

Chapter 3 - Saturday Afternoon

Contains: Jealousy as always, Flirting, smidgens of xNoya and xHinata Pairing: Short Fem Reader x Multiple Haikyuu Characters Ry: Look at that i’m blushing ;; WC: 4.4k+

YN- Your Name || LN - Last Name || YNN-chan - Your Nickname (From Family) || B#1 - Brother #1 Oldest Brother || B#2 - Brother #2 Second Brother

---------------------

It had been an extremely awkward walk to the bus stop with Kageyama and Hinata, and when you had gotten home you had told Kenma you had decided to go to sleep instead of playing. You had taken a long, hot shower and paced around for a while before you ended up passing out on your plush couch while sketching to calm your mind down.

You had woken up to sunlight in your eyes, and had made yourself your favorite hot beverage before you even began to think about what today would hold for you. Finally, when you look at your phone, you see so many texts from last night from Noya, Hinata and Tanaka, as well two from this morning, one from Kenma and another from Kageyama. Geez, these boys were going to drain all your energy before you could even get ready to go.

Texting Kenma first, the safest choice, you send; “Good morning. Sorry for not meeting you online. I was so exhausted. Let’s play tonight tho!ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ”

After that, you send a very similar good morning text to Noya, Tanaka and Hinata; “Morning! Can’t wait to kick your butt in any game we play! \(^ヮ^)/ ”

One last one, texting Kageyama a reply; “Morning, how did you sleep? ٩(ˊ〇ˋ*)و”

Doing your usual morning routine, you play your favorite music, dancing around as you ready yourself. Humming along to the song, you pick out an outfit that was going to be comfortable for all day; some slightly loose fit jeans that hugged your hips and thighs, a graphic u-neck t-shirt, and your favorite hoodie.

Right as you grab your phone, it goes off with a text from Noya, saying to head over whenever, as he was up now. Looking at the clock, it was almost 9:00 now, so it was a good time to head out anyway. Grabbing your backpack and putting the essentials, you also add some snacks, your phone, a charger and your 3DS into it.

You put on socks and laced up your shoes, lock up, and walk down the steps, seeing your grandparents out in the courtyard having their morning tea.

“Ojiisan! Obaasan!” you say happily as you reach them, giving them greeting kisses on their heads.

“Going out, YNN-chan?” your grandma wonders with a sweet smile.

“Yes, I was just about to tell Mom, is she in the shop?”

“No, she’s out at the store. Your father is, though,” your grandpa tells you, “We’ll tell them for you later, go have fun today, okay?” he tells you, handing you some money and patting your hand.

You thank him several times before grabbing your bike, glad that Noya had been so excited he texted their address to you last night. Right before you leave, you remember something and run into the bookshop, grabbing the next volume of a manga that Noya and Hinata had mentioned liking, shoving them into your bag before heading out on your bike, music playing in your headphones.

-------------------

After half an hour, you come up to a three story apartment building, finding a place to lock your bike into place. Finding the right door on the third floor, you knock twice, rocking on your heels only once before the door flung open.

“You came!” Noya’s happy voice filled your ears, his hand grabbing yours as he ushered you in. It seemed like a basic three bedroom, one bath apartment with a small living room and kitchen. The living room had a huge tv with two consoles under it, many games and manga lining shelves, several arm chairs, a few beanbags and a three seater couch in the middle.

“Of course,” you say with a soft laugh. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, girls aren’t... usually interested when we invite them for video games,” Noya replies honestly with a shrug. “But whatever! I’m so stoked you came,” he added. He leads you to the couch and offers you some water, coming back with a bottle and handing it to you. “Taka is still asleep, we stayed up kinda late,” he laughed out.

You nod and take a sip of water, “Really? I went to sleep right after I got home… I don’t know how you didn’t pass out after that game!” you respond with your own laughter.

“We can’t usually sleep right after a game. Takes time to wind down!”

“Makes sense.” You stare at your water bottle, wondering what to say.

“Any games you like to play the most?” he wonders, your eyes finally landing on his face.

You realize how close Nishinoya sat to you, despite there being ample room on the couch. His eyes lock with yours, the two of you seemingly moving closer to each other with each slowly creeping second. Your breath hitches and you prepare yourself, a hundred percent ready to kiss this man in front of you, right here, right now. It wouldn’t be your first kiss, no, but your first in a long time.

Finally feeling the softest of connection from his lips, you go to close your eyes before the feeling is gone in a flash, his entire body across the couch in the blink of an eye. You sit there, confused and concerned you had done something wrong until you hear what he had obviously heard.

Footsteps.

A door swings open and you hear a loud yawn, “Uggh, what time is it?” Tanaka grumbles, wearing nothing but boxers as he scratches his bottom.

Your face heats up instantly, looking away and fidgeting.

“Taka! YN is here!” Noya says, throwing a blanket from the couch at him.

Tanaka’s face turns blank, and he makes an ungodly sound as he goes back into his room with a slam. A moment later he comes out wearing sweats and a bright smile as if nothing had happened, “Hey YN, how are you this morning?” he asks with a new found confidence in his voice. He obviously didn’t mind being shirtless in front of anybody, you had noticed.

“Oh, yaknow, not bad. I fell asleep on my couch, though, so my backs a little sore,” you tell him with a soft laugh.

“Want me to rub it?” Tanaka offers without any hesitation.

Your face goes hot and you shake your head, holding up your hands, “N-No, that’s fine. If anything, I should give you guys a massage after that awesome practice match! It was so cool to watch a game up close,” you tell them with a soft chuckle.

“I’ll totally take you up on that!” Noya replies with a grin.

“I’m cool…!” Tanaka said, grinning ear to ear.

SLAM!

All three of you turn and see a blonde girl coming out of the last room, looking extremely exhausted.

“Long night at the bar, Nee-chan?” Noya asked with a grin.

“Very! But I made lots of tips,” she said grinning back before she realized you were there. “Oh, who's this? A girl?” she snickered, jumping over the back of the couch and sitting beside you. “Wow, you’re hot~” licking her lips she leaned in close and touched your cheek gently.

“Saeko! This is our new manager we were telling you about!” Tanaka said from between gritted teeth, annoyed with his big sister. Well, more like jealous of her touching you so casually.

“Oh that’s right! LN-chan, right?” she wondered, smiling at you.

You nodded, leaning in a bit to her touch, not at all phased with women touching you. “Yes, YN is my first name,” you tell her, looking up at her with interest. You always admired a confident woman, and women weren’t at all that hard to get along with. Perhaps the fact you had never been a threat in middle and high school kept them genuinely nice towards you, but it had been an overall pleasant experience.

Saeko’s face went pink for a moment before she grinned, “I like you, YN-chan!” she laughed, pulling away and hopping up. She heads into the kitchen and rummages around, “Hey, are you going to stay for lunch, YN-chan?” she calls to you.

“Oh, well if that’s okay?” you wonder, looking towards Noya and Tanaka, both who were trying to find ways to get closer to you.

“Hinata and Kageyama are coming sometime, too,” Tanaka adds.

“Let’s go get stuff for hot pot later then,” she calls back, coming back into the living room. “Who wants to go?” she wonders, looking around.

“I don’t mind?” you say.

“Me!” both Tanaka and Noya say at the same time, then look at each other.

“Perfect, I'll take Tanaka!” Saeko says with a grin, “You can carry all the bags back,” she adds as she goes to her room to get changed.

“Argh!” Tanaka groans and stomps into his own room with an annoyed look.

Noya looks away, but you can tell he’s grinning to himself.

-----

After the two leave with protests from Tanaka, you fidget for a moment on the couch, your eyes flickering to Noya after a few moments. Locking once more with the beautiful pair, his eyes remind you of dark honey, your lips part in a way that Noya obviously finds inviting. His eyes flicker down to your lips, his body shifted towards you.

“Can I…?” his words barely register before your own answer is out.

“Yeah,” is all the acknowledgment he needs before he's back beside you.

In a moment, his lips nearly crash against yours, his body pressed against yours. Your eyes are closed as your hands find their way up his chest and hold onto his shoulders. One of his hands finds its way to your lower thigh, resting there as the other rests on your cheek. His lips feel so soft against yours, moving sweetly against yours despite being so deep at first. Wet warmth crosses your bottom lip, his tongue asking for entrance. Parting your lips as a reply, his tongue is exploring your mouth, making your knees quiver a bit, you definitely hadn’t expected this style of kiss. Finally, the two of you part, panting softly in synch, staring deep into each other's eyes.

“Wow,” you murmur once you catch your breath.

Noya’s face spreads into a grin, his thumb running over your jeans, gently pressing into your soft thighs. “Yeah, seriously…” he says, licking his lips.

Your hands gently squeezed onto his shoulder for a moment before letting go, sliding down his chest. “U-Um.. want that massage?” you wonder, shifting a bit. “A-A shoulder massage?” you add quickly, biting your bottom lip gently.

He nods happily, “I’d love that!” he says excitedly, and moves himself, getting onto a beanbag in front of you, so he's now leaning back in between your legs. Leaning his head back even further to look up at you as you begin rubbing his shoulders, he hums happily before speaking again. “Hey, do you think-”

Knock Knock Knock!

Both of you look towards the door, wondering who in the world was here, knocking. Noya jumped up quickly and went to the door, peeking out the eyehole. He let out a deep sigh, “It’s Hinata,” he says, his face turned away from you as he opened the door. “Hey Hinata!” he greets him happily, ushering him in.

Hinata happily says hello to Noya, then sees you on the couch and stiffens a bit, “YN-chan!” he trots over to you and sits beside you, “Did you guys get the new volume in yet?!” he wonders. When he and Kageyama had dropped you off at your stop, you had mentioned during the walk your family owned a bookstore, and Hinata had asked you to keep an eye out.

Noya quickly takes his place in the beanbag between your legs before Shouyou notices it. He acts as if this is normal, and begins turning on the tv as you answer Hinata.

“Oh, yeah!” you say, grabbing your backpack and pulling it into your lap. You pull the manga out, setting them down on the table, leaning across right beside Noya’s head. As you pull back, your breast brushes against Noya’s head, causing both of the boys to stiffen. Hinata watching your chest closely, and Noya staring straight ahead, savoring the feeling. Your breath hitches for a moment as you lean back, swallowing hard, “S-Sorry, Nishinoya-senpai…” you murmur.

He turns to you with a grin, although his face shows he's panicking inside as he gives you a thumbs up, “Nothing to apologize for!” he proclaims, turning back to look over the manga.

Hinata shifts a bit and turns away, grabbing one of the manga off the table. “Thank you so much! I didn’t expect you to bring them! I could have stopped by later,” he laughed. He starts rummaging through his pockets, pulling out some money for you.

You smile and shake your head, “You can still stop by any time,” you tell him. You close his hand and push it back, “No need to pay me for any of this,” you declare.

“What?! No way! You can’t just give me something without getting something in return!” Hinata whined.

“It’s totally fine, I wanted to get you guys something, so I got you and Noya-senpai the manga volumes! Ah, I haven’t figured out anything else for anyone, though,” you explain, scratching your neck gently as you nervously spoke. You weren’t sure what their reactions would be.

Noya tilted his head back and grinned at you again, holding the book, “Thanks so much! I really appreciate it,” he told you, leaning slightly so his back was touching your legs. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Hinata spoke first.

“Wow you’re so nice…!” Hinata says, and unable to help himself, wraps his arms around you and hugs you, squeezing you for a moment before letting go. “AH! I hope that was okay…” he says, fidgeting.

A smile spreads across your face, “I don’t mind. I actually like hugs,” you tell them, feeling a bit more confident around them. The fact that you could relax around both of them, and they both seemed to think highly of you, helped the situation.

Hinata’s face goes red and he nods. Both of them look like they have something to say when the clicking of the door’s lock causes everyone’s heads to turn. Tanaka and Saeko had returned with the groceries, since the store really was only around the corner.

“Oh, Hinata is here!” Saeko says as she comes in, holding only one bag in each hand, heading to the kitchen. “I wonder when Kageyama will show up?” she wonders to mostly herself as she starts putting stuff up. Tanaka isn’t far behind, helping put the groceries up before he greets Hinata, his gaze going to Nishinoya who hadn’t left his spot between your legs. Noya was sitting firm, not willing to jump up to help like he usually would, focusing on the tv and acting as if he was finding something for entertainment.

“Oh, hey, Tanaka-senpai, what kinds of things do you like?” you wondered.

“Me? Hm, well, I like video games, meat and melon bread, and hot girls!” he tells you, grinning.

To most people, that would not have been helpful but you had a secret, something you never shared. You loved to bake, and were rather amazing at it. You could totally make melon bread, you had been thinking of making milk bread for Kageyama last night but had been way too tired. In fact, you had started pre-mading nearly all the pastries on Sunday for the little cafe in the bookstore these past two months. Then your parents would bake them as needed.

“I can work with that,” you say with a soft laugh.

“What do ya mean?” Tanaka wondered.

“She’s getting everyone on the team presents!” Hinata chirped happily.

“Doesn’t that sound like something that should be a surprise, Hinata-chan?” Saeko said, laughing loudly.

“It’s okay! It is for a present,” you laugh it off, not minding. It wasn’t like any of them knew exactly what you’d be getting anybody.

“She got me manga!” Noya said, holding up two volumes with a large grin.

Hinata did the same, nodding happily, “Me too!”

“That’s awesome! I can’t wait to get a present from a pretty girl!” Tanaka said happily, dazing off into his own daydream.

“It’ll be monday if that's okay?” you wonder. You would be busy most of tomorrow, but you knew you could make an extra few melon breads during that time.

“Whenever is fine with me!” Tanaka replies, grinning as he sits beside Hinata on the couch. “What are we gonna play?” he asks Noya.

Noya grinned at him, “Any of the Kario games we have, it’s like the only series we have that’s four player,” he said, shifting through the game selection to find the perfect one.

“Oh, do you guys have Kario Kart?” you wonder with a sparkle in your eye, freakishly good at that game.

“Oh heck yeah we do!” Noya pulled it out, putting it in the gaming console as everyone picked a controller.

“I love playing this game,” Tanaka said smugly, “I’m pretty damn good at it.” You were sure he was trying to impress you, but they seemed to forget who your friend was already.

You had spent hours upon hours playing games with Kenma, Kuroo and your brother. You and Kenma preferred to join as a team, but on the occasion you were on opposite teams, things got heated as the two of you were competitive.

“I am too!” Hinata said with a grin, enjoying sitting next to you.

Knock Knock!

“Ah, that must be Kageyama!” Noya said, hopping up and leading to the door, opening it and ushering Kageyama inside.

You wave, “Morning Kageyama,” you say as you fiddle with one of the controllers, picking a character as you, Hinata and Tanaka all get ready to play a round.

“Morning... is this why you didn’t text back?” Kageyama wonders as he sits in one of the empty chairs, eyes flickering to your chest for a moment before looking back at your face.

Your face flushed a bit, surprised he was being so upfront. “Oh! Yes, I’m so sorry, I rode my bike here and forgot to check my phone,” you laugh, feeling a bit bad you had forgotten to text him back. You pull out your phone, checking the messages, even if it is too late now. You quickly reply to Kenma as Noya sits between your legs in the beanbag, all of them watching you closely.

“Come on and put that away! Let’s play~” Hinata says, just barely noticing the contact name out of the corner of his eye.

“Sorry,” you reply as you put it away, picking the controller back up.

“Alright, let’s play!” Tanaka shouts happily, “You can play next, Kageyama,” he says as he begins the game once Noya picks out his character.

It went on like that for a few hours, everyone switching around as you all played games until around noon, when Saeko started the hotpot. Noya was the first to suggest turning on a show in the background as you all gathered for lunch.

Your phone began going off right as you had taken your first bite. “I wonder who that is…?” you wonder mostly to yourself as you go to your bag, finding your phone and answering it. “W-Wait, hold on, slow down,” you said as you heard your mothers frantic voice, asking where you had been and why you didn’t tell them you were leaving for so long. “I told grandpa!” you tried to tell her, but she wasn’t having it. “F-Fine, I got it… See you soon,” you finally mutter, hanging up the phone and frowning a bit. You turn back to see all four boys, and Saeko, watching you from around the corner of the kitchen.

“Do you have to go already?” Hinata and Noya whined together.

“Was that your mom?” Kageyama wonders.

“Man we were just starting to have fun!” Tanaka complains, heading over to you.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry. It seems my grandparents forgot to tell my parents I was leaving, so now my mom’s all mad…” you explain, sighing. You weren’t upset with your grandparents, though, as you knew their memories were slipping due to old age. Plus, you had had a lot of fun and knew you’d definitely be coming back to hang out again.

“Want to take some hot pot?” Hinata asks, which earns him a smack from Kageyama.

“How is she supposed to do that, dumbass?” he grumbles.

“So mean!” Hinata whines.

“It’s okay, thank you for thinking of me, Hinata,” you say, smiling at him.

“Here take this as a snack~” Saeko offers, handing you a protein bar. She hugs you tightly, “And be safe okay? Here, have my number so you can text me anytime!” she says happily, taking your phone and putting her number in it. You hug her back, feeling a bit embarrassed with all the boys staring at you, but enjoy the way it feels.

All of a sudden, Noya and Tanaka are hugging you too, “Yeah be safe! Text us!” they say as they hug you and Saeko. Hinata joins in, leaving Kageyama to awkwardly stand in the corner. You laugh and agree you’ll text everyone once you’re back home.

“Oh, wait YN,” it’s Hinata as he moves quickly towards you, “Can we go together? I just saw the text from my mom! She needs me to watch Natsu,” he explains, sighing a bit, being made to watch his little sister's babysitter still, at the age of 18. Not that he minded watching her, but he had been having fun too.

“Dang, Kageyama, you should check your phone too or everyones going to be banned from coming over, jeez!” Tanaka complained.

“I don’t have any younger siblings, though? And my mom knows I’m here.” Kageyama replies, confused but still looks at his phone just to check. “Nope, no messages.”

“It was a joke,” Tanaka laughs and slaps Kageyama’s back.

“I’m really sorry guys, again,” you say, bowing to all of them again before nodding to Hinata, not minding if he took you home, or at least part of the way. You honestly weren’t sure where this place was compared to yours. Last night, you had taken the bus, having forgotten your own bike, while he had ridden his bike home. And you hadn’t ever gone home together before.

The two of you had bikes, so you agreed to race to the base of the mountain, apparently his family’s house was on the other side.

“Wow, so close! Only right down the mountain!” he said excitedly when you had told him which street to stop at.

The bookstore you lived above was near the base, a two story building, the bottom being the bookstore and the top being your home with a balcony overlooking the courtyard, the entire outside surrounded by six foot walls that connected the two buildings. The back building was a four bedroom house, which your parents and grandparents lived in and had been your mothers childhood home. You had spent summers here, and some winter breaks, but your hometown was a bit further away.

It was odd, you wished you had somehow met Hinata back then, when you had wished for someone your age to play with when your brother would pick on you and run off with his own friends.

“I won!” Hinata shouts, breaking your thoughts as you realize you got to the corner across from your house.

“Darn it! I spaced out!” you groan, hopping off your bike and walking it the rest of the way.

“Wow, this is where you live? I’ve been in this bookstore before!” he said as the two of you crossed and you stopped in front. You invite him in, going through the gate and parking your bikes beside one anothers.

“I need to go find my mom, but thanks so much for bringing me home,” you tell him, gently biting your lip as your eyes flicker to his soft looking lips.

“Thanks for the manga… and hanging out with me, u-um! I mean us!” he stammered, obviously nervous, but you had caught him looking at your lips too.

Gently placing your hand over his mouth to stop his ramblings, you lean up, moving your hand just in time to plant a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I enjoyed hanging out with you,” you whisper, having just barely pulled away.

His face was bright red, but something in his eyes told you he wanted more. Leaning in again, he pressed his lips to yours, his hand finding your waist to pull you in. It surprised you since you weren’t sure if he was going to actually do it, but you quickly leaned into him, kissing him deeper for a moment. Hearing a door open, you quickly pull away, your face feeling like it was on fire.

“I’ll text you, okay?” you whisper, kissing his cheek before pulling back fully, right as you hear your mother call for you.

“YN! Where have you… Oh! Who is this?” the short woman who looks similar to you, just without your eye color, walks up to Hinata and smiles at him.

“Mom, this is Shouyou Hinata, he’s from the Volleyball Club I started managing with Kiyoko-nee-chan,” you explain to her.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am!” he nearly shouts, stiffening up.

She laughs, “No need to be so stiff, son,” she tells him sweetly, “Nice to meet you, dear.”

“Ah, well, I’ll see you Monday, YN, I gotta go!” he says, bowing to your mother and thanking her for letting you spend time with him before taking his bike and disappearing down the road.

“What a cutie~” your mom coos. “Well, you’re not in trouble this time… but make sure you tell us, okay? Can you go work in the cafe for a bit for me?” she asks, although you know it’s really a frequest. “I wonder when I’ll get a cute son-in-law like that?” she wonders loudly as she walks off,

Your face goes red, mumbling as you go into the cafe, putting on an apron and getting a snack first, considering you hadn’t had a chance to finish your lunch. Once you’re at the counter, you pull your phone out of your pocket and quickly text everyone that you got home safely, as well as tell Kenma you got roped into working today.

Jingle! Jingle!

“Welcome!” You say, setting your phone down as you look up, your eyes going wide when you see two familiar faces, Sugawara and Sawamura Senpai’s.

“Oh, this was the right one!” Daichi said, grinning as he looked at you.

Ry: Next part is right after this~ Ohohoho May contain Daichi and Suga fun~

#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyu college au #haikyuu college au #haikyū!!#nishinoya yu #hinata shoyo #nishinoya x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #tanaka ryunosuke #kageyama tobio #applepiry #applepiry.content

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pain-somnia · 4 years

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ssm 2k20 day 10: colors of you and me Title: when eye see you Rating: T Disclaimer Day’s Notes: are y’all sick of soulmate AUs? ‘Cause i’m not! Here’s a soulmate au where everyone has heterochromia until they look their soulmate in the eye. And yes there is some inspiration from Jun’s Kitchen in this. It’s my favorite YouTube channel. Minor pairings: ItaKarin and SasoObi. I could have made this longer but I needed to make it shorter lol this fic was impossible to end it was actually meant to be shorter than it is

Sighing to himself, Sasuke brushes his hair out of his face, moving his bangs aside to reveal the vivid sea foam green eye.

Unlike his own dark gray eye, the green one has perfect vision. The optician marks the measurements for both eyes, noting that he needs a slightly stronger prescription for his own eye and a false lens for his partner eye. It was suggested that he switch to contacts so that he would wear one on the eye that truly belonged to him, but Sasuke hates putting things in his eyes.

Some thought he was lucky. The color of his soulmate’s eye is uncommon and that supposedly meant that it would be easier to find them. If he wants to, he can hire one of those people who made a living off of locating people with matching eye colors, but Sasuke doesn’t care about any of that.

Yeah, it was annoying that his eyes were unbalanced when it came to visual impairment and maybe it was ridiculous how often people told him his match had such a beautiful eye color, but Sasuke wants nothing to do with society’s obsession with soulmates.

Riding the train home, Sasuke hides his partner eye behind his bangs. The color catches attention wherever he goes and he’s tired of it. People always want to see the contrasting colors, how vivid it is against the dark colors of his eye and his hair.

It is said that green eyes are lucky, that when people meet their green eyed match that their union would be blessed with great happiness.

Sasuke doesn’t feel very lucky about it when he has relatives fussing over him about finding his match.

Walking into his family home, his nose is invaded with the stench of burnt vegetables. Slipping out of his shoes and tossing his bag next to the genkan, Sasuke opens up the screen door that opens up to the engawa and backyard.

“Karin?” He calls out towards the kitchen from across the informal sitting room. His phone chimes with the arrival of a message and he opens it, not bothering to walk into the other room to check on her. “What are you trying to do now?”

“It’s called cooking!” He heard her shout back from somewhere in the kitchen.

“Oh, gods…”

Karin is his older brother’s match. Originally just a classmate, then his friend—and now most likely his future sister-in-law—Uzumaki Karin is one of his closest friends and, truthfully, the worst cook in the world.

But that’s okay because Itachi is one of the best cooks in the world and spoils her by feeding her and her ridiculously large appetite.

When Sasuke first met Karin, he hadn’t thought anything about her russet color eye paired with a dark gray one or of it being just like the combination his brother had. It’s a common coloring pair, nothing special. But when Sasuke brought her home with two of their friends and she looked Itachi in the eye, they witnessed the moment Itachi’s partner eye shifted colors to match his actual eye and when Karin’s eyes shifted to a matching russet set.

And then they all winced when she shrieked in discomfort because Itachi's prescription for his lenses is a lot stronger than her own.

He really should have known that Karin is his brother’s match. Karin said that her mother told her she was born with her partner eye and Itachi’s had manifested when he was five years old. And then there were the anecdotes of her life that matched with some of the visions Itachi had shared with him.

The ability isn’t as common as their color pairing and it catches more attention, but it’s usually negligible as most sight sharers are not given any visions that help them locate their matches especially because it is an ability more common in children.

Karin’s line to him on their first day of high school was: “I swear I’ve seen you somewhere before. But like as a kid.”

They call it sight sharing and that strong emotions are required for it to work. That is why children who are more free with their emotions and are having new experiences to react towards are able to send visions to their matches. Due to their age, most children aren’t even aware that they are sight sharing.

Sasuke has seen his own glimpses. Blurry images impeded by tears and a long fringe of pink hair. A blonde girl with a blue-green eye and one inky black eye holding out a red hair ribbon. The largest bowl of anmitsu he has ever seen in his life. A harbor with boats rocking where they were docked, the water choppy and the sails flapping wildly in the middle of a storm.

He still gets glimpses, even this late in his teens, and he’s not sure how he feels about having a match that felt so strongly, whose emotions were as vivid as fireworks on a clear night sky.

“How did you convince my mother to let you cook in her kitchen? Alone?”

“She loves me.”

And it’s the truth. Uchiha Mikoto has always been a sucker for soulmates finding each other. She showers Karin with affection whenever possible and even Sasuke’s cousin’s match—a short redhead named Sasori with hazel eyes, a curious combination of brown and gray with flecks of gold and green—is subject to her doting.

Sasuke couldn’t describe what Itachi and Karin have as love. There is a fondness his older brother has for Karin that cannot be hidden when he’s giving her soft smiles and treating her gently. It could be love with time, but Sasuke can’t help but wonder if Itachi would have opened up to a relationship with Karin even if she wasn’t his match, or was the opportunity to become more only presented because the universe had forced them into it.

He is told he is lucky because of the color of his match’s eye being uncommon and thus easier to find. He’s lucky because his soulmate is close to him in age, his partner eye not having formed until he was still a baby of only eight months. But Sasuke believes the truly lucky ones are his parents who share the same eye coloring and are in love. They could be soulmates or maybe not. But they love each other despite the odds and it’s not something the universe can say it had a hand in.

Universe or not, Sasuke wanted more of a choice.

Blinking her eyes, Sakura waits for her contact to settle in her partner eye. It was unfortunate that she had needed to adjust the prescription, but at least she saved money by only needing a contact for a single eye.

Grabbing her eyeliner, Sakura traces her lash line delicately, first over one green eye like seaglass and then over the eye with the color reminiscent of storm clouds. Her partner eye has always reminded her of those clouds, fat and heavy with rain, rolling over the sea and waiting to unleash over her harbor hometown.

It’s a beautiful eye, but Sakura had the misfortune of being born with her partner eye. It made it impossible to age her match. They could be someone only a bit older or a grown adult. With the state of their visual impairment, Sakura wonders if her soulmate is someone that is elderly.

It’s something that she perhaps will never know. She isn’t as lucky as her cousin who found his soulmate while he was bar hopping so Sakura’s decided that it’s probably best that she doesn’t search for her soulmate, not to put her hopes on someone she may never find.

It makes it easier to forget them considering she’s so sure she’s in love with her online friend.

It’s strange but she loves him, she really does. She’s never seen his face because they agreed that it would put a strain on their relationship if they knew about each other’s eyes. What had started as a simple exchange with a boy from Tokyo about a photo she had posted to her blog ended up becoming so much more.

His name is Sasuke but he went online by Taka. He wouldn’t give Sakura his last name and asked that she didn’t give him hers so that they wouldn’t be tempted to search for each other online. He had just turned eighteen in July and was planning on going to Handai for university not even an hour from Tsuji Culinary Institute.

Sasuke is going to be so close.

The two of them had been talking to each other ever since they had entered their respective high schools and after two and a half years of conversation they had decided that the time to meet in person was approaching. Sasuke was going to visit with his cousin and his cousin’s soulmate during winter vacation to look into apartments and the area that Sasuke would make his new home after he graduated high school. It was presumptuous that he would pass the entrance exam and be accepted but she knew how confident Sasuke is and about his test scores. Sakura is supposed to meet with him when he is able to shake off his cousin and his soulmate. They played games together and streamed shows and movies but mostly they streamed the same music and listened together sending messages or talking softly on the phone, but they didn’t call them dates so that their first official date would be one where they were face to face.

More often than not, Sakura falls asleep listening to Sasuke talk over the phone. She is an early riser and he is a night owl so she tends to drift off in the middle of their hours-long LINE calls. She enjoys listening to his voice, the deep timbre of it is soothing.

She can’t wait to hear it and see if his face matches the wonderful sound.

He found her through a video his brother had been watching to learn a new recipe.

Sasuke had found it unusual that Sakura━or “Cherry” as she went by online━didn’t show her face. It’s easier to find one’s soulmate if one’s eyes are exposed, but she never showed her face. Even in her social media accounts she never posts selfies. Sakura’s photos are always of locations or foods she made or of food spots she visited.

She had told him she didn’t want to be bombarded with messages from people claiming she was their match. She didn’t want strangers bothering her and raising her hopes up for nothing and that the only thing they cared about was her eyes.

Sasuke doesn’t care if it’s abnormal to feel affection for someone that he’s never seen. It started with a curiosity that led him to looking through her blog and then he saw it. He saw a photo of the sea before a storm hit over a harbor and it looked just like the glimpse he received a few years ago.

All he wanted to know was where the photo was taken.

And now he’s in a relationship with the person that took the photo.

Sasuke knows the odds of finding his soulmate are low and there’s no guarantee that he would even like them. His cousin Obito had gotten lucky and even Itachi who is fond of Karin despite their differences and Karin’s comparatively high energy levels. It is a gamble and he doesn’t care for the odds. He would rather grow to love a stranger that isn’t his match and be like his great-uncle Madara who never found his soulmate and when his soulmate died, his partner eye turned milky white and blind.

It is much preferable to be blind in one eye and happy than perpetually alone simply because he couldn’t be with his soulmate.

“Here you go.” His older brother interrupts his and Karin’s study session and offers her a small tray with a glass bowl that was leaking a cool mist. Karin squeals and takes out her phone, taking a video as she reveals the smaller bowl inside with a chocolate lid that is cutely decorated with flowers made with icing and berries.

“Did...did you really use dry ice for this?” Sasuke looks on as Karin takes a bunch of photos before digging into her sweet treat.

Itachi shrugs and hands Karin a spoon. “Cherry posted a video about a blueberry cheesecake made with homemade yogurt, so I had to recreate it.”

“I’ll tag her on Instagram when I post these photos.” Karin shoves her books away and pulls the cheesecake closer so that she could dig in. “Ohmygawd this is so good.”

Of course it is. Sasuke looks over Karin’s study materials for Todai. His parents want him to go there, but he made his decision to be closer to Sakura.

She wonders how he would feel about her accent. The Kansai dialect would be something Sasuke has to get used to if he is going to live in the area. Her cousin is still thrown off at times when he hears the dialect.

Sakura has invited him out to eat some tecchiri at Zubora-ya in Dōtonbori because it’s the best place for fugu despite it being almost an hour by train from Handai. Luckily his cousin has a car and is able to drive them around just so she doesn’t cause Sasuke any trouble before he even gets to meet her.

Snow is swirling around her, flurries landing in her long lashes as she waits under the giant blowfish lantern. She’s never been good with the cold but it’s keeping her grounded as her stomach tumbles with anxiety.

Would Sasuke see her and decide he would prefer to wait for his soulmate?

Will three years of conversations come to a halt when they sit across from each other and are unable to carry on the conversation in person?

Sakura is tempted to walk over to the Lawson and grab something hot to drink and use the walk to calm her nerves. She’s just about to make a break for it when she spots a trio heading towards her. The person standing in the middle is roughly the same height as her with rusty red hair—the red Sasuke had told her to expect from his cousin’s soulmate. Red that belongs to—Sasori?

What was he doing here? Her cousin hadn’t mentioned anything about traveling to Osaka. And now he was walking towards her with his boyfriend, Obito, and a pretty boy she has never seen before.

For a moment Sakura can’t breathe properly and it takes her a few seconds to realize it’s because her inhales and exhales are at too fast of a rhythm for her to actually be intaking oxygen. Hyperventilating will have her passing out right when she’s supposed to meet Sasuke—right when he’s potentially in front of her.

Her hair is pink, a soft shade he couldn’t miss, so when the attractive boy makes his way to stand in front of her, Sakura knows that it’s Sasuke.

Inky black hair frames his angular face. Why hadn’t he warned her that he was pretty? Sakura’s eyes rove his face, taking note of the curve of his lips, the point of his nose, and his high cheekbones that are kissed by eyelashes just as inky black as his hair when he blinks.

Those eyelashes frame one visible eye—the other hidden by hair—and what a beautiful eye it is. Shielded by a pair of glasses, his eye is gray and stormy and oh so familiar.

And the moment she looks at it directly, her left eye stings in discomfort.

“Shit!”

Sasuke’s eyes widen as the pink haired girl clutches her left eye. She’s cursing as she messes with her eye and throws something on the ground.

A contact.

His feet had moved and his hands had raised to steady her and help in any way he could before he had even processed what just happened.

“Ow…” She grumbles as Sasuke examines her red rimmed eye. His hands freeze from where he’s cupping her face as he looks into a matching pair of seafoam green eyes.

It’s at that moment that he realizes his left eye’s vision is blurry behind its false lens.

“Are you Sasuke-kun?” Sakura asks—because of course she’s Sakura, how many pink haired girls would be waiting under a giant blowfish and asking for someone with his old fashioned name?

“Sakura?”

“Well, that’s a little forward,” Sasori scolds him, attempting to shove him out of the way. “No honorific? Already getting handsy? Tsk, tsk.”

“Sasori-niisan?” Sakura’s attention is stolen for a moment and she turns her focus on Obito’s boyfriend despite the fact that Sasuke is holding her face in his hands. “What are you doing here?”

“Fugu. Why else?” Sasori snaps his fingers and gestures to Obito who is pulling eye drops from his messenger bag and ready to play nurse.

“What were the fucking odds?” Sasuke mutters under his breath, taking the saline solution from his cousin and dropping it into Sakura’s irritated eye. Fortunately, all of her poking hadn’t done much damage.

She’s crying, but with how she’s smiling it can’t be anything bad and he always knew his soulmate was an emotional person. Sakura’s brushing his hair away from his left eye and letting out a watery giggle at what she sees before covering her mouth with her hands to suppress the sob that leaked between her laughter.

“You have no idea how happy I am that it’s you.” Sakura looks up at him in awe but then her eyebrows draw down into a frown. She was going to make him dizzy with how quickly she flickered through emotions. “Gosh you’re tall.”

“Good thing your hair’s pink.” Sasuke cards his fingers through her hair and teases her. “With your height, I might have never found you.”

Sakura pouts, narrowing pretty green eyes at him, and it makes the moment all the sweeter. A small part of him cheers at how lucky he got that Sakura ended up being so cute but mostly he’s still in shock at the discovery that his online girlfriend ended up being his soulmate. He had given up on the idea of finding his soulmate just for them to be the person he chose over the idea of the universe’s match for him.

But, with the coincidences, did the universe actually have a hand in their connection? His older brother was a fan of her cooking vlog and his cousin was paired up with hers.

And speaking of her cousin...

“Are we getting fugu or what?”

“We’re having a moment here.” Sasuke should have just asked his older brother to come with him on his apartment scouting trip. He had no one else but himself to blame for letting Obito and Sasori come along. He should have known better.

“Have your moment inside.” Sasori pushes at the back of Sasuke’s knee with his heeled boot. “It’s cold and I want the fugu I was promised.”

“Wait a minute…” Sakura’s voice is low, and she eyes her cousin suspiciously. “You knew Sasuke-kun this whole time, Sasori-nii?”

Straightening up, Sasuke turns to glare at Sasori as well. He has been dating Sasuke’s cousin for five years and not once had he mentioned having a cousin with the exact eye pairing that Sasuke has—had.

A rare color pairing that’s supposed to be lucky. Sneaking a glance at Sakura with her green eyes and with the knowledge that she’s the person he’s been growing attached to all of these years, Sasuke’s ready to admit—if only a little—that maybe he is lucky.

No one let his family know that he had that thought.

“You guys didn’t want to know,” Sasori answers, opening up the door to the restaurant. “So, fugu?”

Sasuke and Sakura exchange a look and she smiles up at him encouragingly. Sasuke didn’t come here looking for his soulmate. He came to meet Sakura—just Sakura. He now had a matching set of eyes but it didn’t change anything, not really.

He had already made his choice and it was just luck that the universe had dealt him a winning hand.

“Let’s go find out why this place is so great.”

“Well, have you ever had blowfish before?” Sakura asks, allowing him to guide her inside the restaurant with his hand on the small of her back.

“No, but I kind of like not being potentially poisoned.”

“It makes me feel alive,” Sasori interjects, raising four fingers at a server to signal how many are in their party.

“You’re going to have to be more adventurous.” Sakura flashes a mischievous smile in his direction as they follow their cousins to a table. “I’m going to drag you everywhere and make you try lots of different food.”

“Tough talk from someone that can’t eat spicy food.”

Sakura splutters, cheeks burning red. She hides behind a menu and mutters something about “an abnormal dislike of sweets.”

He’s only seen her face for less than twenty minutes, but he’s decided that he likes how easily her feelings come across it, especially when she flushes from embarrassment.

“It will be nice to video call you from now on,” he casually mentions from over his own menu, watching from his peripheral as her fingers tighten around her menu.

“Your weird flirting is going to spoil the taste of the fugu.” Sasori glares at him over his tea, taking a prim sip.

“You don’t even have taste buds,” Sasuke mutters, wishing even more now that he hadn’t asked Obito to drop him off. “You shouldn’t even have any fugu rights. How could you not know that we were meeting your cousin?”

“Sakura is a common name, don’t try to come for me. I still haven’t given my blessing to this union.”

Sakura snorts from behind her menu and says, “Okay, sure dad.”

She sets her menu down and smiles so sweetly that Sasuke’s tempted to stand up and make a run for it with her, just completely abandon their cousins. Sasori is distracted by the promise of raw blowfish and he’s sure whatever punishment Sasori could come up with would be worth it.

“Video calls would be nice,” Sakura offers, ignoring Sasori’s forced gagging sounds. “But maybe tomorrow we could go out and fix your glasses situation?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke clears his throat and adjusts the pair he’s wearing with only one true lens, “that would be helpful.”

“Then it’s a date!” She chirps. Her eyes gleam when she’s happy and green really is such a nice color, especially on her and not in his reflection.

“Awwww,” Obito coos, pinching Sasuke’s cheek. “You two are adorable.”

“We’re leaving Obito and Sasori behind tomorrow,” Sasuke snaps, slapping Obito’s hand away.

“I don’t care,” Sasori waves a hand dismissively at him, “just let me eat my fugu and you can keep my cousin for the day. Just return her how you leave with her.”

“You’re incorrigible, Sasori-nii.” Sakura rolls her eyes but she smiles fondly at her older cousin as he steals slices of blowfish from Obito’s artfully decorated plate.

Sakura chats cheerfully with his cousin and talks about how one of the things she wants to do in the future is learn how to prepare fugu properly. Sasuke’s seen the stuff she’s made for her vlog and he doesn’t doubt that one day she’ll be able to prepare it and even make the slices of blowfish into the flower shapes the restaurant forms for their plating.

It’s then that Sasuke is hit with the fact that in a few months that he won’t be watching her from a monitor, that he could be in the kitchen with her if he asked and she was okay with it. He’ll get to spend afternoons with her the same way Karin and Itachi do and go on day trips like Obito and Sasori.

And he made that happen. It was his decision to message her. It was his decision to continue talking to her and get to know her.

Maybe the universe had a hand with all of the coincidences, but it was Sasuke that Sakura wanted. Not his eye but him.

“What’s up?” Sakura asks him as she polishes off the last bit of her serving of tecchiri.

Just thinking about how the universe works.

“Were you ever told that green eyes were lucky?”

Sakura’s eyes widen at the question. Her lips part in shock but she quickly closes them when Sasori snorts behind his napkin. Leave it to Sasori to find a way to snort primly. Even his chuckling has an air of superiority to it. It’s no wonder he didn’t link him and Sakura as familial relations.

Sakura elbows her cousin in the arm to silence him and he throws a glare in her direction.

“Actually,” Sakura’s face flushes once again, “in my family the superstition is that gray eyes are the lucky ones.”

Heat travels up Sasuke’s neck, and the pleasant feeling in his chest can’t be stifled even with Sasori’s smug expression—probably brought on by the fact that his eyes have splashes of gray in them.

“But if it’s green in your family, I guess that means we’re doubly lucky, huh?”

Sakura’s eyes are bright and with the way they sparkle when she’s feeling so fantastically happy, he can’t help but think once again that her left eye was definitely wasted on him.

Sasuke smiles fondly at her cheerful expression and has to suppress the desire to roll his eyes at his own thoughts when he remembers his mother’s stories about green eyes bringing joy.

“Guess that makes us triply happy then, Obito,” Sasori interjects yet again. “I’ve got green and gray in my eyes and you have gray eyes.”

“I guess we are,” Obito cheers, tapping his pint of beer against Sasori’s glass.

“We were having a moment here,” Sasuke grumbles over his cousin’s chortles.

He’s definitely ditching them tomorrow.

#ssm20 #ssm20d10 #sasusaku #day!fics

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lacquerware · 3 years

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2020 Recap - My Year in Gaming

2020. What a year for video games. I had big plans for last year, but in the end I did very little besides play video games, and I don’t think I’m alone there since we were all stuck at home looking for a way out of reality. I wanted to do a year-end recap as I’ve done sporadically in past years, but this one will be different than the typical “Games of the Year” format because despite all the games I played in 2020, almost none of them came out in 2020, and some of the things that defined my year in gaming weren't even games.

Resident Evil 3 Remake (PS4)

RE3 was one of the only games I played in 2020 that didn’t coincide with the deadly pandemic's spread across the US. RE3 is, of course, a game about the spread of a deadly virus in Anytown, USA. It was an appetizer, I guess.

When the Resident Evil 2 remake dropped in 2019, there were some things I loved about it, and a few things that felt like steps back from the original. I feel much the same about RE3. I had also theorized that a Resident Evil 3 remake would be better off as RE2 DLC than as a separate full-length game, and considering how short RE3 turned out, with some of the best sections of hte original cut entirely (namely, the clock tower), I stand by my theory.

Oh well, at least Jill gets this rad gun, which for the time being is the closest thing to a new Lost Planet we can hope for anytime soon.

Sekiro (PS4)

Sekiro is the first video game I ever Platinumed. This is partly because conquering the base game was such a spartan exercise that going the extra mile to get the Platinum didn’t seem so bad, but it’s also surely a result of the pandemic. I needed a project and a big win. Who didn't?

I wrote at length about why I like Sekiro more than every other modern FromSoft game, and also about the game’s cherry-on-top moment that reminded me of blowing up Hitler’s face in Bionic Commando. Please read them!

Death Stranding (PS4)

Release date notwithstanding, this was obviously the Game of 2020. I wrote about it here, here, and here. This game bears the distinction of being the second one I ever Platinumed. It took 150 hours. Only then did I learn I had a hoverboard.

Streets of Rage 4 (PS4)

This is the only 2020 game I played for more than a few hours. In fact, I cleared the entire game at least five times. I still don’t think it captures the gritty aesthetic of the prior Streets of Rages (nor even tries to), but this is probably the best-feeling bup I've played. Huge bonus points for finally bringing back Adam, but in the end I found it hard not to pick Blaze every time.

Blaster Master Zero 2 (Switch)

What impressed me about this sequel from Inti Creates was that it wasn’t just more of the same, even though that would've been fine. BMZ2 builds on its already excellent predecessor with a catchy new format where players can freely cruise the cosmos and stages take the varied form of planets—some big and sprawling, others short and sweet. Hopping at will from planet to planet without ever knowing what experiences and treasure each one held felt like system jumping in No Man’s Sky and island hopping in The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, both of which felt like opening presents.

Dragon Force (Saturn)

Charming, satisfying, and addictive as a bag of chips. Unlike a bag of chips, when it’s over, you can do it all again. And again. And it’ll be different each time! This might be the first strategy game I've truly loved. Better late than never.

The PC Engine Mini

The PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 Mini seems a particularly justifiable mini-console for people outside Japan because so many missed these consoles entirely, the games are hard to obtain, and the lineup includes titles spanning the entire convoluted Turbo/PC Engine ecosystem—the TurboGrafx-CD/CD-ROM², Super CD-ROM², Arcade CD-ROM² and SuperGrafx, in addition to plain, old standard HuCard games. I myself didn’t know the first thing about these systems before. It’s like reliving the nineties again for the first time.

Most of the titles included are simple action games that don't require a command of Japanese, but make no mistake: being able to understand Snatcher and TokiMemo does make me feel like an elite special person worth more than many of you.

(Side note: From a gender representation perspective, the difference between Snatcher and Death Stranding is stark. Virtually every interaction with every woman or girl in Snatcher is decorated with ways to sexually harass her. Guess someone finally had a conversation with our favorite auteur.)

A Gaming PC

I’d threatened to transition to PC gaming for years after beholding the framerate difference between the console and PC versions of DmC in 2012, and last July I finally took the leap, buying an ASUS “Republic of Gamers” (ugh) laptop with an NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2070 Max-Q GPU. It seems like consoles are getting more PC-like all the time, especially with all these half-step iterations that splinter performance and sometimes even the feature set (à la the New 3DS and Switch Lite), so with the impending new generation seemed like a fine time to change course.

In the half-year since, I’ve barely played a single PC game more recent than 2013, but just replaying PS3-era games at high settings has been like rediscovering them for the first time.

I also finally experienced keyboard-and-mouse shooting and understand now why PC gamers think they're better than everyone else. Max Payne is a completely different game with a mouse. Are all shooters like this??

The USPS

Early in the year, I rediscovered my childhood game shop, Starland, which is now an online hub known as eStarland.com with a brick-and-mortar showroom. To my delight, it has become one of the best and most modestly priced sources for import Saturn games in the country, and I scored Shining Force III’s second and third episodes, long missing from my collection, for a mere ten bucks each!

In June, I treated myself to a trio of Saturn imports from eStarland: the tactics-meets-dating-sim mashup Sakura Taisen 2, the nicely presented RTS space opera Quo Vadis 2, and beloved gothic dungeon crawler Baroque. Miraculously, this haul amounted to just around thirty dollars total. Less miraculously, they never arrived. This was the second time I’d had something lost in the mail in my entire life, and also the second time that month. Something was wrong with the USPS, and it wasn’t just COVID pains. We would soon learn Trump had been actively working to sabotage one of the nation’s oldest and most reliable institutions in a plot to compromise the upcoming presidential election.

Frankly it’s a miracle there’s still such a thing as “delivery” at all, and a few missing video games is the last of my worries considering what caused it, but nevertheless this was an experience in my gaming life that could not have happened any other year. I won’t forget it.

*By the way, USPS reimbursed me for the insured value of the missing order, which was fifty bucks. So I actually profited a little off the experience.

Mega Everdrive Pro

I love collecting for the Genesis and Mega Drive, but I will not pay hundreds of dollars for a video game that retailed for about sixty. The publishers never asked for that, and the developers won’t see a (ragna)cent of the money. I'm also far less inclined to start collecting for Sega CD, since the hardware is notoriously breakable, the cases are huge and also breakable, and the library just isn't that good.

Still, I'd been increasingly curious about the add-on as an interesting piece of Sega history, so when I learned Ukranian mad scientist KRIKzz had released a new Mega Everdrive that doubled as a Sega CD FPGA, I finally took the plunge into the world of flash carts. This has proven a great way to play some of the Mega Drive’s big-ticket rarities I will never buy—namely shmups like Advanced Busterhawk Gley Lancer and Eliminate Down—as well as try out prospective additions to the collection. I never would have discovered the phenomenal marvel of engineering and synth composition that is Star Cruiser without this thing, but now that I have, it’s high on the shopping list.

The Mega Everdrive Pro is functionally nearly identical to TerraOnion’s “Mega SD” cartridge, but slightly less expensive, comes in a “normal” cartridge shell instead of the larger Virtua Racing-style one, and supports a single hardworking dude in Ukraine rather than a company with reportedly iffy customer service.

Twitch

Getting a PC also resolved issues that had long prevented me from achieving a real streaming setup, and much of my gaming life in 2020 was about ramping up my streaming efforts. I even made Affiliate in about a month. Streaming has been a great creative outlet and distraction, as well as a way to connect with other people during the COVID depression and structure my gaming time. Find me every Monday through Thursday 8-11pm Eastern at twitch.tv/lacquerware.

Metroid: Other M (Dolphin)

PC ownership also gave me access to the versatile Dolphin emulator, liberating a handful of great Wii exclusives from their disposable battery-powered prison.

One of the Wii games I fired up on Dolphin was Metroid: Other M, a game I’d always wanted to try but had been dissuaded by years of bad publicity and the fact that I never had any goddamn batteries. I know I should temper what I’m about to say by acknowledging that I was playing at 1080p/60fps on a PS4 controller so my experience was automatically a vast improvement over that of all Wii players, but I’m increasingly confident Metroid: Other M was the most fun I’ve ever had playing a Metroid game. I haven’t decided yet if I’m willing to die on this hill, but I will just say that if you like the Metroidvania genre in general and aren’t particularly attached to the Metroid series’ story or its habit of making you wander aimlessly for hours, there’s a very high chance you will enjoy Other M—especially if you play it on Dolphin.

Don't Starve Together (PC)

Don't Starve is the only game my friend Jason plays, so last year I tried to get into it with him. I respect this game's singular devotion to the concept of survival, but make no mistake: every session of Don't Starve ends with you starving to death. Or freezing. Or getting stomped by a giant deity of the forest. The entire game is staving off death until it inevitably comes. Even when death comes, you can revive infinitely (in whatever mode we were playing), which means even death is not an end goal. There is no end goal. You don't even have the leeway to "play" and create your own meaning as you do in similarly zen games like Dead Rising.

Don't Starve is a game for people for whom hard work is the ultimate reward in and of itself. Don't Starve told me something about Jason.

G-Darius (PS1)

In the early fall, Sony announced they were dropping PS3, PSP, and Vita support from the browser and mobile versions of their PSN Store, and since the PS3 version of the store app runs like a solar-powered parking meter in Seattle, I decided this was my last chance to stock up on Japanese PSN gems.

Among my final haul, the PS1 port of G-Darius proved an instant favorite. Take down the usual cast of mechanized fish in a vibrant, chunky, low-poly style that perfectly inhabits the constraints of the original PlayStation hardware. I believe this is the first Darius game that lets you get into giant beam duels with the bosses, which is quite definitely one of the coolest things a video game has ever let you do. The PS1 port is also surprisingly feature-rich, including some easier difficulty levels that present an actually surmountable challenge for non-savants.

This one’s coming to the upcoming Darius Cozmic Revelation collection on Switch alongside DARIUSBURST, a good-ass romp in its own right.

Red Entertainment

In my effort to shine a tiny spotlight on some of the unsung Interesting Games of gaming, I found myself drawn again and again to the work of Red Entertainment. First there were cavechild headbutt simulator Bonk’s Adventure and twin shmups Gates of Thunder and Lords of Thunder on the PC Engine Mini. Then I streamed full playthroughs of the PS2’s best samurai-era, off-brand 3D Castlevania, Blood Will Tell and the Trigun-adjacent stand-‘n-gun, Gungrave: Overdose. Then I was dazzled by Bonk’s Adventure’s futuristic spin-off cute-‘em-up, Air Zonk, which was also sneakily tucked away on my PC Engine Mini in the “TurboGrafx-16” section. It turned out all these games were made by the same miracle developer responsible for Bujingai, the stylish PS2 wushu game starring Gackt and a household name here at the Lacquerware estate. How prolific can one team be???

Month of Cyberpunk

In November, I started toying with the idea of themed months on my Twitch channel with “Cyberpunk month.” It was supposed to be a build-up to Cyberpunk 2077’s highly anticipated November release, but holy shit that didn’t happen, did it? Still, I always find myself gravitating toward this genre in November, I guess because I associate November with gloom (even though this year it was sunny almost every day). A month is a long time to adhere to a single theme, but cyberpunk is such a well-served niche in gaming that I could easily start an all-cyberpunk Twitch channel. The fact that we’re so spoiled with choice makes Cyberpunk 2077’s terrible launch all the more embarrassing. Here are just some of the games I played (and streamed!) in November:

Ghostrunner Shadowrun (Genesis) RUINER Remember Me Transistor Rise of the Dragon (Sega CD) Shadowrun (Mega CD) Cyber Doll (Saturn) Binary Domain Shadowrun Returns Blade Runner (PC) Deus Ex: Human Revolution Deus Ex: Mankind Divided Observer

Shadowrun on the Genesis gets my top pick, but the two most recent Deus Ex games are great alternatives for those looking for something in the vein of 2077 that isn’t infested with termites.

Lost Planet 2

Every year. I played through it twice in 2020.

Dead Rising 4

I slept on this one too long. While it's a far cry from the original game, it's easily the most fun I've had with a Christmas game since Christmas NiGHTS. This is the game a lot of people thought they were getting when they bought the original Dead Rising with their new Xbox 360--goofy, indulgent, and pressure-free.

Devil May Cry 5: Vergil (PS4)

Vergil dropped for last-gen consoles in December and breathed a whole lot of life into a game that was already at the head of its class.

Nioh 2

I’ve only played a few hours of Nioh 2 because I promised my friend I’d co-op it with him and wouldn’t play ahead. But he’s a grad student with two small children. Nevertheless, Nioh 2 is my Game of 2020.

And that's it! Guess I'll spend 2021 playing games that came out last year, and maybe eventually getting vaccinated? Please?

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