#I’m suppose to be asleep but I’m so god damn tired of people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

knipiko · 1 year

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Dream Girl. || C.B

Summary: Colby couldn’t stop dreaming about a girl of his literal dreams.

Warnings: Fluff, little bit of angst, possible smut next chapter

Words: 1,326

Requested?: No

Part one of two

Authors note: This is kinda trashy LMAOO

Proof read?: NOPE.

Love is unexplainable, it has ups and downs and breakups and “just now marrieds”. It has people you met on Tinder or someone you saw in high school. But NEVER, has it been meeting from a dream.

Colby was an everyday influencer, he made millions of dollars off of simply exploring with his friends, he had never been struck down by love more strongly than when he dreamt of a beautiful woman, her hair was so gorgeous, her face was flawless and her lips looked so soft, her skin was a beautiful color and her eyes shimmered with love. She was everything Colby ever wanted, everything Colby needed.

Colby sighed, drifting his mouse on his laptop mouse pad in circles while staring at the video he was editing. He wished he could see that woman besides in his dreams, just to feel her not just in a dream, tell her how much he adores her and how much he loves her while he spins her in circles in some park or in his home, not inside of his mind. Sam hears the annoying sound of bickering from Colby since he’s dreamt of that woman. Colby shuts his laptop right before saving his editing process, which none he made. But one save couldn’t hurt,” SAM!” Colby shouts at his roommate and best friend, (More like a brother than a roommate or friend) Sam,” What?” Sam walks into the living room where Colby was sitting,” Is it that dream girl?” Colby sighs,” Yes, Sam. She's so beautiful!” Colby groans and lays his head on his shoulder,” Get over her, Colby.” Sam puts a hand on his shoulder,” She’s not real.”

That was the last thing he heard before he spaced out, imagining himself with that woman, how her voice sounded like, how she walked, how she dressed, she was just so capturing to Colby it’s like she infected his mind, his heart, and soul. He dozes off, he couldn't hear Sam but what did it matter anyway? He starts waking up in his dream, white glowing walls don’t blind him anymore, he has been here so many times his eyes have properly adjusted to the stinging lights,” Colby?” The woman asks,” Aren’t you supposed to be editing like you said?’” Colby shakes his head,” I couldn't get you out of my head.” The woman is taken aback for a moment,”Obviously, I’m amazing” She says sarcastically and giggles as Colby smiles and holds her close, not being able to feel her breaks his heart. But pretending would have to do for now.

He adored her so much, every video, every day, every second he would be thinking or talking about her, his fans think hes crazy for liking this ‘imaginary dream girl’ but he didn’t care, he was happy. He found someone to love,”Colby we should watch a movie.” Colby looks at her,”What movie?” You pretend to think before smiling,”The Nightmare before Christmas would be a good movie.” You smile with pleading eyes and Colby caves in immediately,”Fine.” He lets go of her, already missing a touch he couldn’t feel.

A familiar shaking and screaming in the ear awakens him from his sleep,”God do you just always sleep all day?” Jake asks,”Sorry, I was just tired.” Jake rolls his eyes and grabs Colbys arm,”Come on idiot, were going to the bar.” Colby walks to the car before getting his phone from the couch,”I am NOT driving.” Sam says,”I’m too tired to drive.” Colby yawns before getting in the back,”I’ll drive I guess.” Jake says,”COREY!” Jake yells for him,”I’m getting out of the house god damn.” Corey puts his hand over the sun to see better before getting in the passenger door,”Drinking at 6pm? Are we alcoholics?” Corey adjusts his beanie before Sam sits in the back with Colby as Colby starts to fall asleep,”Colby wake the fuck up before I beat you with a water bottle.” Jake adjusts his mirror to face Colby to make sure he’s awake.

Sam sighs,”Ever since you dreamt of that girl you just sleep all day.” Sam flicks Colby’s arm as he looks at Sam and rubs his arm,”Shes beautiful.” Corey turns around to face Colby,”You don’t even know her name!” Jake slams the breaks and causes everyone to fly forwards,”JAKE WHAT THE FUCK!” Corey yells at Jake as they argue, Colby sighs and lays his head against the car door and starts to fall asleep, deafening the sounds of shouting. The white walls cover his vision again,”Hey Colbs.” She grabs Colby’s hand,”Hey, I’m back and we’re going to the pub right now.” She looks confused,”Pub? What time is it?” Colby laughs,”Like 6.” He rubs the back of his neck,”In the morning??” Colby holds her,”No pm.” She rolls her eyes,”Still bad.” Colby rolls his eyes and smiles,”Do you think I could eat 7 pop tarts in under a minute?” Colby stares at her for a moment before laughing at the stupid and random question,”I don’t think you can.” Colby hugs her,”I never got your name.” Colby turns his head and faces her,”Y/n.” He smiled,”I like that name, it suits you.” He placed your hair behind your ear,”I know.” Colby blushed as he leaned in into your face, eyes darting to your lips and back at you, he noticed you doing the same and he leaned.

He’s awoken by the car stopping and his friends in the car screaming at him to wake up,”Jesus I’m up!” Sam laughs,”Come on Colby we got drinks to attend too.” They all get out of the car and enter the pub, surprising because it’s only people. Jake grabs Corey’s hand as he was stuck looking at a painting of some girl. They all sit down and share their IDs with the woman attending them before grabbing a couple beers or seltzers from the waiter's plate besides Jake,”Yeah but I think we should go back to the Stanley Hotel.” Sam tilts his drink,”That’s so fucking stupid, I think we should go to the Sallie house again.” Jake suggests as he takes a sip of his lemon water,”We could go to that haunted house in Russellville.” Colby plays with his thumbs on top of the table,”Which Russellville?” Corey asks,”Tennessee, the house where the woman hung herself and her kids?” They all look at each other and talk about which place they should go to for a video as Colby zones out, looking at the tables around him.

And he spots her.

The same woman in his dreams, exact hair, smile, clothing he saw today while visiting her, it was her. He didn’t know what to do, should he say hello? Yes, he should. He should go talk to her, but he was scared. Horrified even but he knew he had to do it. He got up from his seat and walked to her,”Hello, y/n is it?” He asked and she was taken aback,”Colby?” Her jaw dropped before she stood up and hugged him so tightly he could barely breathe,”I have so many questions Colbs.” His heart warmed inside, he pinched himself and felt the stinging sensation of pain. He wasn’t dreaming? He grabs her hips before kissing her on the cheek, both of them laugh out of excitement and surprise,”Is that the dream boy you’ve been obsessing about?” Her friend asked,”My friends call you a dream girl.” She looked surprised,”Ava wait here!” She grabs her friend and shakes her before holding onto Colby’s arm,”Where are they?”

He drags her along to their table,”Guys—“ Colby’s cut off short by Jake,”Did Colby get a girlfriend after 10 minutes of being here?” Colby shook his head. Corey took a sip of his drink,”You know the dream girl I’ve been talking about?” Colby asks and they all nod,”Yea you talked about her non-stop, no offense.” Sam said as he pointed to you. Colby took a deep breath,

“Well this is her.”

#colby brock x you #colby brock x reader #colby brock

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bunky-writes · 1 year

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Chapter 5:

“And Fall”

Two and a half months have gone by. That’s roughly 75 days, in hours that would round up to about 1.800 hours. It’s therefore been 1.800 hours since I’ve felt the sun. Its heat, how it spreads across your body, and your eyes automatically close due to the soothing feeling. It’s also been 1.800 hours since I’ve smelled the fresh air, salty winds from the beach, baked goods in the city, and that wet pavement scent after a summer shower.

I never thought I’d long to feel sand between my toes. I hate sand, it gets everywhere. The people who like sand between their toes are insane and should get therapy.

Speaking of therapy, my nightmares have not let up. I’m not sure when they got worse. Most of the time if I have a nightmare, I won’t sleep for the rest of the night. There’s no use trying, god knows I have tried.

The only times they let up are when I fall asleep next to Harvey or Pax. But that doesn’t happen that often. I can’t help but feel like this is too good to be true. Like something bad will happen. I keep hearing these noises at night, like scratching. Harvey thinks it’s just rats, but I’m not so sure.

The days have been long and tiring, mostly working at the farm, eating, hanging with Pax and Jo, and then it repeated. There's not much to do in here.

This morning was spent the same. Kate and I worked on the farm, watering the plants.

Checking the dirt and what else. Pax and Joseph were still working on storage, seems like something had happened because during breakfast it was tense and awkward. Harvey didn’t seem to mind, too busy to complain about “the horrible architecture and maintenance” to read the room.

I don’t know if I should ask them about it, it seemed like a family matter. Something private, hidden from the rest of the world. Nice to know it wasn’t just my family that would pretend to be perfect. That their perfect “son” wasn’t a dropout. A disappointment, a basket case.

“…-me that bag of seeds?”

“Hm?”

I woke up from my daydreaming to Kate looking at me, she had asked me something but I had honestly no clue what.

“I asked if you could hand me that bag of seeds.”

“Oh, yeah, of course!”

I realized the bag was in my hand, completely forgotten. I quickly gave it to Kate, almost stumbling over a filled bag of potatoes.

“You okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah, yeah… Just tired.”

I tried to smile but judging by Kate’s worried expression, it was probably more of a grimace.

“You know if you want to talk… I’m always here, even if it’s something simple and insignificant.”

I was thankful for Kate’s friendly remark, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone, to be honest. I knew I’d probably get therapy for what I’d seen if the world hadn’t gone to shit. And I was more than certain I needed to talk to someone. But I didn’t feel comfortable or ready.

“Yeah, I know.” This time, I did smile.

After that ordeal, we worked until lunch. Pax and Joseph were passive-aggressive. I don’t know what happened before breakfast but they’ve been tense ever since. Pax has never looked as annoyed and frustrated as now.

"Never thought I'd have a quiet lunch in this place." Harvey suddenly chimed in

He's right, there was always some noise during meals. Whether that's Kate's fussing, Pax dumb jokes or Jo complaining over Kate's fussing. But now, during this lunch, it was dead quiet. It was uncomfortably tense and incredibly awkward.

"Yeah, well, blame that on Joseph," Pax spoke up, with a bitter tone. It was dripping with venom.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Jo spoke up, standing up from his seat.

"You know exactly what I mean, why do you always have to take everything so seriously?!" Pax stood up as well.

"Fuck you, dude!"

“HEY! Cut it out!" Kate finally cut in, obviously tired of the fighting.

"This can wait until after dinner, now eat your damn meal."

Both the boys thunked down in their seats, still glaring at each other. The rest of the lunch was spent in an even tenser atmosphere.

“Six, can I speak to you for a second?”

Kate stopped me after lunch, she seemed anxious.

“Uh, yeah sure. No problem.” I replied.

We both walked to the hallway while Harvey and the boys washed the dishes.

“Would you mind taking over inventory with Pax? I don’t know what’s going on in those boys’ minds but it’s probably best to let them cool off right now.”

Kate was tired, annoyed, and frustrated by her sons’ conflict. I’d be too. Her plucked eyebrows were furrowed and she seemed older due to her frown.

“Pax, well I’m not sure how to say this-“ Kate sighed while fiddling on the end of her button-up “-He can be rather private. I know it might surprise you but…”

“No, no I get it,” I quickly answered, and I meant it. I used to be a lot more outgoing. Hiding behind a façade until it got too tiring.

“Oh… Good. Well, thank you, sweetie.”

After washing up, Pax went to the fridge. Probably checking out the last remains of fresh fruit. Kate went back to the kitchen, most likely to continue working in the garden.

Joseph walked past me. But he stopped soon after.

“Uh, Six?” He seemed worried.

“Yeah?”

“I believe you, um, about the noises I mean… I’ve been hearing weird noises from the vents in the boys’ room.”

“What kind of noises?” I was getting worried.

“Like… groans-“ Jo looked down to his feet “- and scratches. Sometimes… Sometimes it sounds like someone’s suffocating.”

The hairs on my neck raised. A shiver, cold and shocking, went down my spine.

“It… It can’t just be rats right?”

I swallowed my spit, My throat suddenly dry.

“Joseph, tell your mom and Harvey about this, okay? Even if they think it’s nonsense. You’ve got to convince them somehow.”

Joseph paled, maybe he finally realized how dire that sounded.

“Y-yeah,” was all he said when he all but sprinted towards the boiler room. Most likely to find Harvey.

I continued towards the fridge room in the kitchen.

“God damn list” I heard mutterings.

Ironically it seemed the fridge had not cooled Pax’s mood. Pax was leaning over one of the crates in the fridge room. He was cursing and grumbling over a list displayed over the crate.

“Uh, Pax?”

Pax whipped his head towards me, evidently surprised. He looked tired and frustrated. But his eyes lit up when he saw me.

“Oh! What’s up, beanstalk?”

Ignoring his dumb nickname. I studied the room, there wasn’t much. Most of the fresh produce was gone. An apple or a pear here and there.

“Your mom thought it was best if I switched with your brother,” I replied.

“Ah, yeah. Probably for the best.”

The air was dry and cold and the atmosphere extremely awkward.

“Look, I’m sorry about that by the way. You shouldn’t have to be in between this… family drama, you know?”

Pax seemed almost ashamed at his outburst earlier. He was looking at anything except me. Absentmindedly clicking an ink pen.

“It’s okay. But… What happened? You don��t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Pax sighed. His eyes were conflicted and glossy. He was quiet for a couple of seconds.

“It’s… It’s just that Jo… Jo has a tendency to be stuck-up.-“ he grimaced at the lack of a better word “-He constantly does everything by the book and tries to act ‘older’, I guess.”

“Oh. Do you know why?”

“Well, if it isn’t obvious-“ Pax chuckled self-detrimentally “-My dad, our dad, isn’t in the picture. Jo barely remembers him but ever since he left. I’ve had to help mom out with working and stuff, you know? I never got to have that careless childhood and I want Jo to have that but for some reason, he’s obsessed with growing up!”

By the end of Pax’s rant, he was out of breath and red. But he seemed calmer and more relaxed. I sighed and tried to find the best way to word my next sentence.

“I don’t know your brother that well and I can only think from my own experience but… Maybe he wants to carry a part of that burden you’ve been carrying by yourself?”

“Oh… I… I didn’t think about that.”

“You might not realize it, Pax. But you’re, like, Jo’s idol. He’s probably worried that he’s being a burden.”

“But he’s not! He’s my lil bro, he could never,” Pax exclaimed.

I chuckled a bit. I guess this is how it feels to have a sibling. A sort of love-hate relationship where you hate their guts but know they’ll have your back.

“Six… Thank you, truly. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

I smiled and nodded. The tense air fizzled out and instead, a comfortable, warm, and almost intimate feeling washed over us.

By the end of the workday, we had gone through both the freezer and fridge rooms. Dinner was silent, but both the boys seemed eager to apologize.

“For the love of Jesus H. Christ. One of you boys better say something before I make you!”

Harvey was seemingly tired of the atmosphere. Kate and I chuckled as both Pax and Jo turned bright red.

“Uh, Jo, sorry about calling you a pain in my ass.”

“Mm, thanks, and sorry for saying fuck you.”

“It seems like the two of you got a lot to talk about,” Kate spoke up.

The boys nodded, and albeit a bit ashamed, Pax looked at me. His eyes brimming with gratitude as he mouthed a “thank you”.

The rest of the dinner was spent with the occasional small talk or joke.

After washing up we all decided to turn in for the night.

“Six, I’m sorry. I tried to convince them but they wouldn’t believe me. I guess they still think I’m a baby or something.”

Jo finished his sentence with a mumble. Clearly by the disregard of his warnings.

“I think they just don’t want to scare anyone. Or themselves. There’s nothing wrong with being younger, you know? There’s a lot you will miss when you get older.”

Joseph didn’t seem that convinced.

“I don’t know,” he trailed off.

“Let’s go to bed and we’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

Jo only nodded and headed towards the boys’ bunkroom.

That night I slept terribly. Flashes of “The Incident” plaguing my dreams, The blood rising in the streets until I’m drowning in it.

I had nowhere to hide. To run.

Abruptly I hear a scream. It sounds like Kate. Only I’m no longer dreaming. What followed the scream was chaos.

Harvey ran into my room, grabbed my arm, and practically dragged me out of my room.

“What’s going on?!”

“I hate to admit it kid but you were right. We’re being invaded. Go to the kitchen and help Pax and Jo grab as much conserved food as you can. Don’t forget first aid stuff. Kate and I will hold them off!”

I hear a groan from the boiler room

“Now, Six!”

I stumbled as I sprinted into the kitchen. Pax and Jo were already quickly packing canned food and bandages, amongst other things, into five backpacks.

“What the hell is going on?!”

“Well seems like my theory about zombies wasn’t off, Pax replied.

“Oh fuck.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Suddenly I hear gunfire. I flinched but grabbed one of the backpacks and started packing.

Kate unexpectedly appeared in the kitchen, her face bloody and a shotgun in her hands.

“Jesus, mom!”

“Shut it, Paxton, we’re outnumbered. Harvey and I have barricaded the boiler room and hallway. Better get ready with the backpacks!”

Harvey soon appeared and grabbed one of the backpacks, in his other hand he had a hunting rifle.

“Alright kiddos, let’s get out of here,” he shouted.

A sudden crash and boom were heard, followed by shuffling and groans.

“Well that was the barricade in the boiler room,” Kate said.

We all rushed to the entrance and I quickly grabbed a fire axe.

“It’s stuck!”

Pax and Jog tugged on the large handle to the entrance. But it wouldn’t budge. Kate and I stood guard as Harvey tried to help out.

The banging and clambering got louder and louder.

“Anytime is fine, boys!”

Kate shouted. She was pale, anxiously gripping her shotgun.

“I think I’ve got something,” Harvey says and starts rooting through his leather jacket. He pulls out some anti-rust oil. He dumped all the contents on the handle and pushed me towards the entrance.

“Stay back, kiddo. Things are about to get ugly.”

Pax had found a bat and Jo a skateboard. Maybe not the best weapon but it would do.

“When should the handle let up?” Jo asked while shaking.

“I don’t know. But keep trying the handle,” Harvey replied.

The bangs were almost deafening now. The panic started to slowly sink in.

I am going to die here. Forgotten.

Harvey suddenly grabbed my hand. He looked into my eyes with a fiery determination.

“You ain’t gon’ die here, kid! You hear me?”

His accent got thicker as the tensions grew.

Then all hell broke loose. Almost literally. The last barricade broke and in swarmed tens of barely human-looking figures. The stench that followed could best be described as burnt flesh, ammonia, and an almost fruity undertone.

I’m not sure I will be able to drink juice ever again.

The next minutes are a blur. Bodies thunking to the ground. Harvey shouts something while shooting and Pax replies. I go on autopilot after that. Hitting, swinging, and kicking against anything that smelled like a public bathroom. While desperately trying to ignore the bile collecting in my throat and my eyes watering.

Before I knew it, I was on the ground. A large rotting figure on top of me. The only thing separating us was the handle of the axe, currently stuck in the monster’s mouth. Harvey and Kate were swamped. Pax is busy keeping Jo safe as Jo desperately tries to open the entrance. That’s when I finally believe that this is where I’m going to die. The strength in my arm’s veining.

But a gunshot is heard, but it sounds different from before. The figure on top of me slumps. I look up and two people stand at the entrance. One was Mexican with long, dark brown hair separated by half buns and ending in one half-bun, half-ponytail. They had an eyebrow piercing in their left eyebrow and a nosering in their right nostril. They had a pretty dahlia flower tattooed on their neck. It certainly didn’t match their smug expression.

The other person was black. They had dark dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail. They had a blue kerchief tied around their head. A large scar, thicker at the right of their chin and thinning out right under their eye. Their expression was the opposite of the Mexican person's. They were rather stoic.

“We heard you guys, figured you had a pest problem!”

The Mexican person laughed.

TAGLIST

@saltofmercury

#apocalypse #my ocs #ocs #original character #original story #post apocalyptic #world past six

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bookerdewittsstuff · 5 months

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Domestic! Booker Dewitt HCs part 3!

Booker with a baby! no warnings this time.

A/N: I hate college

»»————-　★　————-««

after years of being together, Booker had finally found peace within himself. He no longer saw himself as some piece of shit gambler, private investigator, and veteran. He’s just…him now. And for once, he can stand to look at himself in the mirror every day. Don’t get me wrong, he was still a complete asshole sometimes, but he’s gotten better.

He never imagined himself having kids, he thought it would just be you and him until the end of time…or until you inevitably got tired of his bullshit and left him. But that day hadn’t come just yet.

So when he found out you were pregnant he was shocked to say the least. He literally went :0 and just stared at you for a good few minutes.

-“oh my god, please say something,” you begged, almost ready to slap that bewildered look off his face. He just stood there, his mouth agape as he looked down at the positive pregnancy test clutched in your hand. “Uh…congratulations?” He whispered, glancing up at you.

Of course it was never a planned pregnancy…maybe the two of you forgot to wear a condom a few times…but surprise! You’re welcoming a child into your loving home!

He didn’t care about the gender, but it was a girl and he was perfectly fine with that. The two of you decided on the name Anna (haha), and soon the baby was here!

He had no idea what he was doing. So when you asked him to change Anna’s diaper while you went to the bathroom, he was again bewildered.

-he blinked down at his baby, the baby blinked up at him as she pulled her tiny little foot into her mouth. “Stop that,” he grumbled, pulling off the soiled diaper and quickly discarding it. After wiping Anna clean, he grabbed the new diaper, opening it up and staring at it. “What the hell?” He scoffed, trying to figure out how he was supposed to put this damn thing on. Eventually, when he did put the diaper on, you appeared behind his shoulder, “it’s on backwards,” you said and he jumped slightly, not realizing you were there. “Oh Jesus Christ,” he groaned as Anna cooed up at him, her foot still in her mouth.

When it came to Anna waking up in the middle of the night, he usually let you do it because anna seemed to like you more than him. But one night, anna was fussing and crying and you were sound asleep next to him. He sighed and got up, heading into anna’s nursery and picking her up, holding her against his chest like he’s seen you do many times.

- “how can you be so loud, hm?” He whispered tiredly, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner and slowly rocking back and forth, anna pressed against his chest. “I’m not gonna sing those silly little nursery rhymes like your mama does…” he complained as if Anna understood him. Instead, he talked about his life before he met you, how miserable he was and then he met you, got married, and not too long after, he had his very own child. Anna was fast asleep by the time he was finished talking about his time in the war.

- this continued for a while. He let you sleep and instead took care of the baby himself. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the way anna looked up at him when he picked her up. How she now immediately stopped crying when he walked into the room. It warmed his heart to be loved by two people who were very special to him.

Eventually, he was a pro at changing diapers, feeding Anna, putting her to sleep, and giving her baths. Though he felt a bit offended when Anna’s first coherent word was “mama” and not “papa” or “dada”.

-“honey, you can’t be mad at that,” you said, patting his shoulder as he held Anna in his arms. He had an annoyed expression on his face as he looked down at the baby. “I’ll remember this when you’re older, little girl,” he said and you just grinned.

When anna became a toddler, he was a bit more on edge than usual. She became curious about things. Such as the cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink or what would happen if she ran full speed towards a corner of the coffee table. So, he had to toddler-proof literally the entire house.

- he was putting the finishing touches on the toddler-proofed coffee table when he heard some noises in the bathroom. He froze, remembering that you had left to go meet some friends and the last time he checked, anna was playing with some building blocks. But when he looked over to his side, anna wasn’t there. He quickly jumped up and ran towards the bathroom. The sight before him was anna holding a bottle of bleach, the cap clattering onto the floor just as he managed to grab the bottle from her. “If you don’t accidentally kill your lead with these damn cleaning supplies first, you’re gonna give me a goddamn heart attack,” he huffed, making a mental note to put a child lock on the bathroom cabinets as he carried anna out of the bathroom.

Despite the critical voice in his head telling him he’s a terrible man, he’s a good father. He found love in both you and his own child. He has two reasons to live now. And maybe once anna is a few years older he comes to you asking about another child….

#bioshock #bioshock infinite #bioshock fanfiction #booker dewitt #booker dewitt x reader

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the25thviolence · 1 year

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Last update (01-13-23)

Its weird that as a writer I keep some stories to myself. I’ve talked about little characters I’ve made up before. Like the shadow character OC that would of existed in My Hero Academia universe. I explained it generally but actually I day dreamed an extremely detailed story about that character (honestly its pretty fucking R rated so I’m never writing it down). All my little day dreams have like detailed stories that play in my head.

I don’t know. I never got like big into writing fanfictions or AUs or whatever. Surprisingly all my stories are original. But I still day dream like fan content into my own brain.

Like in the midst of my early morning about to wake up ease dropping on my brain. I was having a dream, than a dream about a cosplayer realizing her boyfriends kink by dressing up as Maki Zenin from Jujutsu Kaisen, than another dream. I woke up like “why the fuck was there 30 seconds of that in my brain while I was dreaming????”.

My brain just drifts away while I’m asleep or awake. I could be sitting down or driving my fucking car. I just drift into a fucking story in my brain. I can’t like stop it from starting but I can pull myself out when I want to. I can start them when I want to too but like most the time my brain is like “lol bored making up a 300 year history of a made up kingdom for the next 5 minutes”.

And I’m just like....

Eyes squinting.....

“What the fuck....”

Honestly its probably why I’ve loved sports games so much since I was a kid till right now as I play a sports game while writing this. I think of weird funny little stories about what’s happening in my game as I’m playing. I play franchise/association modes so I’ll be playing a decade+ of a team’s lifespan creating little sports stories in my head.

I remember one year I was tired of my players getting hit hard so I put in my big running back to “punish” teams all season to wear them down so my star players could get more room.

I could try and write down all my little day dreams.

But often I feel like I day dream so much because I don’t really experience my dreams. And dreaming is supposed to help you deal with your like life problems and come to terms with things. So when I day dream I’ll just be randomly trying to come to terms with my life.

SCENARIOS

ALL THE GOD DAMN SCENARIOS.

They just pop in my head.

What would happen if this happened.

What if they showed up.

What if this person disappeared.

What if I died.

What if my family had a real problem.

What if someone tried to rob me.

What if my car broke down.

What if there was a fire right now.

What if I wrote a book.

And like these long drawn out storylines play out inside my head till I snap out of it.

Like simple one. What if I wrote a book. Oh no no no. Not just the book. Not the simple shit. My fucking brain imagines the what the book is about. The publishing people I deal with. The conversations I have with my family about it. Random questions strangers ask me about the book. EVEN FOLLOW UP WITH THE PUBLISHER ABOUT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK AND MY BRAIN STARTS TO BRAINSTORM WHAT THAT BOOK WOULD BE ABOUT. I LIVE A LIFE. I GET MARRIED. I OWN A HOUSE. I IMAGINE MYSELF SITTING A TABLE LIVING COMFORTABLY BECAUSE THE FIRST BOOK SOLD WELL.

My brain just feeds me these scenes one after another.

I know its kind of sad.

But like.

I’d much rather dream like a normal person than have a brain that works this way.

I’d much rather not have the experiences I’ve had that turned me into a writer.

I’d much rather dream normally, not write, and just see a therapist twice a month.

I wonder what my life would be like with a normal brain.

P.S

My brain started thinking up a story about how many people would miss this version of me but I stopped it by yelling “Shut the fuck up none of those people are here now so who fucking cares what they would think.”

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the-vent-station · 1 year

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I am exhausted.

I am tired of so many things.

I’m tired of one thing being said and the opposite being done. I’m tired of feeling like I’m being lied to. Pitied.

And I am so god damned tired of being kept a fucking secret. Do you know how much shame I feel? People can’t know about our relationship because it isn’t safe for either of us if they do. Which. Sure okay fine I get it. But god damn it all I hate it. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

I’m exhausted of having the one thing that I do that I can personally consider self care being thrown away like it’s fucking nothing.

I wouldn’t have occupied more than an hour of your time. But instead you go off, leave the group chat, and then half heartedly apologize three hours after you know I should have been asleep. Which. Didn’t fucking happen any god damned way.

Im tired of being tired. Im tired of being left out. Im tired of being this big fucking secret.

I want to either be fucking normal or turn off all emotions.

Im tired.

So tired.

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heavensigh · 2 years

Text

I feel like its been a long time since I journaled so here I am, back at it.

We just got back from our birthday weekend and it was a fun trip. The first night at the B&B I got into the jetted tub and enjoyed myself. Not like masturbating or anything, just the water. After about 30 mins I got thirsty and remembered that our room came with free sodas. They only had 2 Pepsi’s in there so I decided to drink one since its been forever since I had soda. Well I ended up getting a flare up that night over the damn thing and couldn’t sleep a wink. We had a busy day the next day, with the beach, the tour and the art show in the evening. I was wiped! It was suppose to be a weekend filled with sexing but I fell asleep almost as soon as we came back to the room on the second day. On the 3rd day Chu was rushing the hell out of me because he was obsessed with leaving a room before checkout. I think its his anxiety. So just one night of sexy time. The only thing I kinda regret about the trip was taking the Hearst Castle tour. Our tour guide wasn’t very good. She kept trying to engage with us by making all these actor’s references but most of them were silent film stars and no one knew who the hell she was talking about. It was hot as balls out there, we had about 25 people in our group and 100s of stairs. When we did get inside we only had small walkways because they didn’t want us touching anything and we had like 7 kids with us. Of course they get tired and cranky so this little tour guide woman was trying to talk over crying kids the whole time. Her mic wasn’t even that loud because there were like 5 different other tours going on around us with varying sizes so we were all trying to hear but not huddle to close to one another because covid and the damn heat and it was just awful.

On top of that they pretty much glossed over anything juicy. All they talked about was how rich he was, how much of a collector he was and how “generous” he came to be in the end. When we got home Chu spent like 4 hours researching him and just kept digging up dirt. Mr. Hearst was a grade A asshole and while his past home was beautiful, I could have done without the tone deaf tour.

When we got home after the 4 hour drive I took a nap on the couch and he started playing Railroad Tycoon. The old ass version. Long story short I did prep any food for the week and didn’t get anything ready for work either. So I was running around like mad, trying to make my lunch, breakfast, find clean clothes, listen to class in the background AND make it out of the house on time. I’ll have to be better about that next vacation.

Work has been going okay. Me and my attorney still are trying to find our groove but its not on me. I know I need to take my career more seriously so today I looked up a whole bunch of videos on what makes a good paralegal and tried to practice some good time management skills. I like my firm, despite me and the attry not seeing eye to eye. I know she would prefer someone more experienced and she doesn’t seem interested in slowing down. I just have to work harder. I should know this stuff but school didn’t prepare me for ALL of this. There are so many different types of laws and they all do things differently. Like most jobs you learn the most while working it. But I know I can do more in terms of researching and such. A new person is starting in August and I’m a little nervous that I’ll lose my “new girl grace”. Like they’ll kick me out of the nest and expect me to do things on my own without whimpering for help. I gotta try harder.

School is finished, as of today, thank God. I seriously don’t know how people do it. The full time job, a family, hobbies and school. I felt like my mind was melting. There is just not enough hours in the freaking day. Work takes up so much time. I barely have time to work out, eat dinner and relax before I have to prepare for the next day. Then on the weekend, I have one day to clean, handle my chores, go to the store and tackle any projects around the house. Sunday is church, and then prepare to do the work week again.

The whole thing got me thinking about how I love working for myself and how I don’t want to be a lawyer. I think I will go to school for marketing and see where that will take me in my field. If I’m ever going to live outside of the US I will need some options and law is pretty limited outside of the states... That’s silly I know, because I’m sure there are tons of ways to make a good living being a US attry living aboard but I don’t have the brain power to research that right now. Especially since I don’t know where I want to live. I guess the first step is just learning a new language.

Speaking of hobbies....guess who’s been swimming?!

So after work I have been living my best under water life. Chu has been coming with me and is building up his swimming skills as well. I have a blast. Its my favorite way to workout, hands down. I haven’t been to the gym since I got my swimming pass even though I told myself I would rotate days. Its just so much fun. And its limited. The pool will close again in Sept so I’m really trying to milk it. During my period and on Fridays I can go to the gym. I’m already counting down the days until my contract ends with my current place. I really need a coach and a bigger gym. I love how close this one is, but on a busy night we are breathing in each other’s face and it gets tight in there. A part of me feels bad about not lifting and just focusing on cardio but its limited and I have gained weight. I have to clean up my diet...again. I just have a very hard time eyeing appropriate eating portions. I know I over eat but I don’t know how to make sure I’m getting the right stuff. I got a meal plan app but the recipes are trash. I have no problem cutting my food intake, I just need more tastier options. For now I’m just grilling and baking more veggies and trying to opt for healthy snacks.

I still have to sign up for cello lessons and I guess I should put the couple’s dance lessons on the back burner. Me and Chu will have to find another way to work on our teamwork.

#pbthoughts #life update #paralegal #career woes #fitness journey #dear diary #journal #personal #not editing this

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write-ur-wrongs · 3 years

Text

The Death of Me

Pairing: Geralt x reader

Word count: almost 4K - big whoops!

A/N: This was totally meant to be a drabble / blurb, but the story got away from me! A huge thanks to the sweet anon who submitted this prompt - I was beyond inspired and chuckled warmly throughout the entire writing process. This baby isn’t proofread so thread lightly!! I sincerely hope y’all enjoy this one :’)

Prompt: Heya! I saw your post about wanting to practice writing short stories so I have a small prompt for Geralt! What about: the reader and Geralt have always had a difficult relationship, always running into each other at the most inconvenient moments and hence disliking each other. However, while Geralt is passing through a village the reader comes barging into his room bloody and near death, only getting a chance to say “I didn’t know where else to go” before collapsing. I would be honoured if the idea inspired you :3

____________________________________________________

You’d never considered yourself unlucky but lately life had a funny way of throwing you for a loop, or rather, throwing you to the wolves. One wolf, actually. A damn, irritating, and arrogant white wolf.

At first, it was all business. You’d arrive in a village itching for a contract, only to find that a “legendary witcher” had already come through and taken care of every monster within a two-days ride. Furious, hungry, and broke, you set out determined to get as far as you could and as quickly as possible. Your determination got you far enough that you’d managed a full three months of contract work, but not far enough it seemed.

You’d been on your way to collect payment from your latest contractor when you’d heard the buzz on the street; a witcher had come through asking about work, and had been told to wait and see as someone else (a woman! A human woman!) had already committed to the case. Apparently, he was either incensed or bemused at the idea – the brute was very hard to read, so say the town gossips – but it didn’t matter to you. You beat him to it and now you get to eat. When you finally met with the contractor to collect your coin, you couldn’t help but swell with pride as they thanked you, eyes wide, for taking care of a monster no human ought to be able to handle. You could have sworn your pride had given you wings as you floated out of the inn.

That is, until you heard them mumble under their breath, “Thank Gods that lass was able to handle it! Had it been the witcher, I would have had to pay triple!”

“Thank heavens for cheap labour!” whispered their partner, raising their glass to cheers their big victory.

Suddenly whatever weightlessness you felt transferred onto your coin purse. Biting hard on your cheek you pushed up your chin, determined to remain dignified. But then you saw him.

Impossibly broad chested, rippling muscles evident beneath his leather armour, with golden eyes that reflected back to you with a cruel playful nature that made bile rise in the back of your throat. He held your gaze and raised his own tankard to you as you walked past him. His deep voice rumbled through you as you pushed the door open.

“Cheers to cheap labour,” you heard him say, and swore you could hear the smirk on his full lips.

Groaning furiously, you pushed the door so hard it swung back and slammed shut behind you with such force a flock of birds took off somewhere in town. Undeterred, you stomped off towards your horse and set off at a gallop.

I’m going to make sure I never cross his fucking path ever again, you thought searingly.

You were wrong it turned out, but how were you supposed to know that?

You’d gone years without actually seeing him again, but that didn’t mean you were free of him. You’d alternated winning and losing contracts to each other, and the pressure of beating him to the next one stressed you so fiercely you developed ulcers. That alone would have been enough to push you to murder had you not heard from another witcher that their brother, the great white wolf, was losing sleep trying to keep up with you. Knowledge of this fact spurred you on; after all, if you couldn’t beat him, it’s best to be even, no?

The next time fate brought you two together, though, you could not have been farther from on top. What made matters worse, is that you weren’t even in battle when your paths crossed. Your literal paths just simply… crossed.

You’d been riding east for many days and just as many nights. You were tired, sore, and somehow still soaked to the bone despite the fact that the rain had stopped at least a day ago. You were so tired, your muscles seemed heavy in your limbs, and you had to keep blinking hard to bring the spinning world around you back to its axis. As you rode through an intersection on the trail, the sun peaked out from behind the thick curtain of clouds just long enough to pull you fully into sleep, and right off your still-moving-horse’s saddle.

You honestly didn’t remember falling asleep, or off the saddle. You also had no memory of the moment another traveler, who was riding towards the intersection on the other trail, leapt off his mare just as you started your descent and caught you before you could split your skull open on one of the many rocks sprinkled throughout the street. You had no memory of the way he’d pulled you off the path, leading both horses behind him as he’d carried you over his shoulder. Zero recollection of him laying you down on a bed grass, tying your horse to a nearby tree, lighting you a campfire, or filling your pack with some bread and meat.

What you did remember, was the arrogant look on his face when you finally woke up. The condescending tone he took as he reminded you that you were ‘only human’ and had to take care of yourself accordingly was also seared into the annals of your memory.

You hated that he’d saved you almost as much as you hated the fact that you’d been asleep around him. Completely vulnerable for God knows how long and he’d been there to witness it all. Whenever the memory of the look on his face or the way he’d crossed his arms and tilted his stupid head as he condescended your humanity came to you, you couldn’t help but cringe even months after the fact.

***

Your saving grace came a full six months after your damned damsel in distress moment on the trail.

Well fed, well worked, and well travelled, you were taking your time enjoying the market in your town of the week. The work you did wasn’t glamourous, but it did allow you the means to afford a few luxuries every now and then. This time, it just so happened that your coin could buy you the sweetest gift of all: revenge.

The market was busy as ever, you could barely hear yourself think over the cacophony of voices and animal bleats bouncing around the square. Had it been anyone else, the conversation would have been lost among the noise around you, but when that voice came rumbling through the mess of shrieks and shouts, you couldn’t help but seek out the source. You didn’t know why you cared or why you were so surprised to find that the voice’s owner was none other than the White Wolf himself.

“You good?” you asked, making sure to tilt your head, hands on your hips, the same way he’d done the last time you’d met.

“Fine.” He practically barked, not even turning his head fully to address you directly.

The merchant, none-too-concerned with your arrival on the scene, continued as if uninterrupted. “I’m sorry Mr. Witcher, sir, but I can’t go any lower. This is the best I can offer.”

“I can’t pay that much,” he grumbled, hands closed into tight fists.

“I’m sorry-”

“Is this enough?” you interjected, knowingly offering forward far too many ducats.

“Y-yes!” breathed the merchant, looking quizzically at Geralt before picking three coins from your open palm, “thank you, madam...”

“Y/N,” you introduced yourself with a warm smile and a nod.

“Y/N!” Geralt hissed, at the same time, reaching out to push away your hand a fraction too late; the vendor was paid, and you’d won this round.

“What is it, Witcher?” you teased, as the vendor took his sword back for repairs, “been on vacation? Why so skint?”

“Been low on work lately,” he replied coolly, cat-like eyes boring into yours, “not as many contracts as there use to be.”

“Well, I’ll be,” you said, cocking your head to the side and pursing your lips in mock contemplation, “I can’t imagine why that’d be the case! Seems I keep running into monsters to kill.”

“Mmhm.” He hummed, narrowing his eyes at you.

Refusing to let him have the last word, you quickly turned on your heels and high-tailed it out of the market, shouting over your shoulder to the blacksmith to give any change back to Geralt before disappearing back into the crowd.

***

Being even should have brought peace between the two of you but it seemed to have the opposite effect. Your last interaction only fanned the flames of your rivalry. As the months turned to years without coming upon each other again, you still found yourself filled with unreasonable anger whenever you saw a mop of white hair cross you on your travels.

And not that you’d know it, but it turned out that Geralt wasn’t faring any better; finding himself frustrated and acting recklessly whenever he’d come upon anything that reminded him of you.

You were both completely obsessed with one another. Thoughts of the other constantly on the mind. Whether in waking or in dreams, you were both equally afflicted by an intense need to outperform, out run, and also, inexplicably, to impress the other.

It was that need to impress each other that led you to accept a contract you should have never even considered taking. You honestly wouldn’t have even considered it had the circumstances been any different but you’d been hearing about this monster for weeks on your travels. Tales of the mighty griffin tearing people to shreds had been circulating far and wide on this side of the Yaruga, and honestly, with every retelling you’d expected to hear that a witcher had handled it, but that never happened. You’d somehow managed to arrive at the village at the source of these stories before him and had an opportunity to literally rob him of this victory.

Granted, you were the only one who’d been attributing him with this win, but that didn’t matter, not to you. The only thing you cared about when accepting this particular contract was the knowledge that by taking it, you were preventing him from having it, and that was more than enough.

The shock on the villagers faces when they saw you accept the contract only added to your already inflated confidence. The sheer size of the griffin’s wingspan humbled you a little, though, and whatever grand illusions of an easy victory you’d carried into the forest were squashed along with a couple rib bones only moments after engaging the beast. In short, you were fucked.

Some might say that coming out of it alive was enough of a win. Those people would be morons, you thought as you stumbled clumsily back towards the lights of the village, clutching your split abdomen with both hands and blinking back blood dripping from your forehead. Every step you took came with the stabbing pain of additional tearing around your wound. You could barely think, your ears were blocked and caked with dried blood and dirt, your tears stung as they fell across the gashes on your cheeks, and every breath in felt like it could be your last. You’d never admit this out loud, but a part of you wished the creature had finished the job.

Perhaps the only saving grace here was that in your condition, you couldn’t hear the villagers as they pointed and gossiped. You didn’t hear the “told you so’s” or the lewd shouts coming from the drunk men as you stumbled into the tavern. You could barely hear the disappointment in the inn owner’s voice as they reprimanded you for accepting a contract, they knew you couldn’t complete. Rolling your eyes, you pushed your way towards the stairs as quickly as possible – which, as it turned out, was not so quick, praying that someone would call you a healer.

“… and to think a witcher arrived only hours after she went off to kill herself! Tsk-tsk!”

You stopped dead in your tracks, drops of blood falling across your brow as you interrupted the momentum you’d been building. “W-what?” you croaked, turning towards them as much as possible to make sure you’d hear them correctly.

“Yeah! And not just any witcher, lass, the Butcher of Blaviken no less! Checked in with us just as you head out. Had you waited half a day you could have saved yourself a world of – ‘ey! Now where’s she off to?”

As you registered this news, something inside you snapped. Before you knew what was happening, you’d made your way upstairs and started pushing your full weight onto every door you passed. The great White Wolf, the Butcher of Blaviken, was certainly arrogant enough to leave his door unlocked. You might have been wrong about the griffin, but you’d be damned if you were wrong about this.

Fortunate or not, you weren’t wrong about this. As you pushed your shoulder against the last door with whatever strength you had left, the door swung open with very little resistance. The heavy wooden door slammed loudly against the wall at the exact moment that your limp body crashed onto the floor.

“WHAT the fuck!” Geralt howled, leaping off the bed and onto his feet. His wild eyes assessed the situation in an instant, and he bound to you in barely two strides. “What the fuck did you do? What happened?” he asked as he flipped you over, so gently you were sure you’d already passed out and were now dreaming. Or maybe the blood loss was finally catching up to you and you were full-on hallucinating.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” you breathed, barely above a whisper, before losing consciousness in his arms.

Regaining consciousness was a slow, painful process. You’d come in and out of it a handful of times throughout the night, and flashes of what you’d seen before you lost it were coming to you in an almost dreamlike haze; terrifying images of the furious griffin, its blood-soaked talon shining in the setting sun as it reared back to strike you again, and warmer visions of Geralt, shirtless, running towards you with – could it be? – genuine concern in his eyes.

Now as the rising sun cast its glow across the room, you squinted painfully against the light. Your head felt as though it was full of cotton; heavy, and scratchy, and unnatural on top of your shoulders. Hesitantly, you ran your tongue over your teeth and were equal parts relieved to find them all there and disgusted at the acrid, mineral taste the blood left behind. Blinking slowly, you tried to bring up your hand to rub at your eyes, but stopped short as you felt the large bandage draped across your forehead.

Slowly, you started to register the other bandages, on your arms, your cheek, across your abdomen. Your eyes grew wide as you finally registered the man facing away from you in the far corner of the room. Geralt’s broad strong back was hunched away from you as he rifled through herbs and small glass vials looking for something. Inexplicably, you found yourself disappointed to see he’d put his thick black tunic back on. Horrified by that realization, you literally gagged, startling Geralt and pulling his attention squarely onto you.

His big dumb beautiful face was all hard lines as he looked you over, stern eyes flashing to meet yours before dropping back down to the vial in his hands. You couldn’t help be notice the way the muscles in in jaw rippled and tensed as he sighed. He was oozing disappointment and anger, and that infuriated you.

“Am I dead?” you ask, squinting at him a little theatrically as you squirmed and winced in your bed.

“No.” he practically growled, his body tense as he made his way towards you slowly.

“Oh,” you breathed, bringing your eyes up to his before adding, “this isn’t hell?”

To your immense satisfaction, his stern eyes widened into shock, but then something unrecognizable flashed across his features – wait, was he hurt?

“Why, because I’m here?” he shouted, as if in confirmation of your hunch, and slammed the damp cloth he’d been holding back into the basin.

“No, jackass,” you retorted, pleased that despite the position you were in, you still had some semblance of an upper-hand, “because a griffin fucking fileted me like a fish and some poor drunk is probably downstairs slipping in a pool of my blood right now.”

You’d kind of hoped that he’d laugh, or at least have a comeback geared up for you, but Geralt just stood there staring at you, his mouth in a tight line, nostrils flaring.

Uncomfortable by the intensity of his stare and the silence accompanying it, you decide to continue to poke the bear.

“Come on, what’s with the face, Geralt? Pissed I’m still alive? You know you could have just closed the door over my body, let nature finish the bloody job.”

“Fuck, no! Y/n!” he screamed, startling you out of the attitude you’d put on, “I’m pissed because you’re an impossibly difficult woman hellbent on killing herself! I’m pissed because you don’t seem to fucking care about what happens to you! You can’t keep doing this Y/N! Because one of these days you’re going to get hurt and you’ll be too far away from me and I won’t be able to fucking save you, again! I am pissed because I am losing my mind spending every god-awful day wondering if you’ve gone and gotten yourself killed! Fucking hell, woman! If you didn’t find me – I-if I wasn’t here, with these herbs – Damnit Y/N!”

You just sat there, mouth opening and closing like a fish. You couldn’t believe it. You didn’t know what to say. This man, your nemesis, was in front of you pacing back and forth, breathing heavily, looking like a maniac. His nostrils were flaring more than the monster that almost killed you just yesterday. Part of you wanted to correct him and demand he never address you as ‘woman’ again, but his wild earnest eyes kept you quiet. My god… was he crying?

Before you could say anything, Geralt sighed gruffly, ran his large hand over his face and stormed out, mumbling something about needing to get you more water.

Left alone with your thoughts, you couldn’t stop yourself from spiralling. You’d expected him to be angry – hell, you wanted him to be angry! You’d humiliated yourself twice over, enraging him would ease the blow – but this was… different. He seemed genuinely concerned about you. And what was with his whole speech? He spent every day thinking about you? Worrying about you? There’s no way.

Sure, you thought about him daily, but that was out of spite! You hated the man! Why else would your heart race whenever you thought you spotted him in a crowd? Why else would you actively seek out the most dangerous contracts? What, like you were hoping these contracts would draw him out, and therefore, closer to you? As if!

Your ridiculous inner monologue was interrupted by Geralt’s return. The horrible brute knocked gently on the door before stepping inside, and your heart had the audacity to skip a beat.

Oh, you thought, fuck.

“I need to change the dressing on your wounds,” he grumbled, not meeting your eyes. You nodded wordlessly as he settled onto the chair next to you. You watched him work in silence, praying he would attribute your insane heartrate and flushed skin to a pain response from his work.

“Geralt?” you tried, chewing nervously on your cheek, as was just finished up with the last of your dressing.

“Hm?” he hummed, keeping his eyes cast down as he fussed with the bandage on the gash across your abdomen.

“Thank you… for saving me.”

He finally brought his gaze up to meet yours, but said nothing in return. He merely grunted in acknowledgment. You didn’t know why, but his silence in combination with his inscrutable gaze encouraged you to keep talking.

“I honestly only took this contract because I didn’t want you to have it,” you admitted bashfully.

“What the fuck? No one was taking it because they weren’t paying nearly enough! Hell, and you’re just a human,” he fumed, throwing up air-quotes as he said it, “so what – they offered you a third of nothing?”

Laughing lightly, you shoved him with your elbow, “they offered me three whole ducats!”

“Oh, wow,” he laughed, low and rumbling, “so a big pay day for you, eh?”

“Shut up,” you gasped as pain rippled through you with each peal of laughter, “knowing I could screw you over was payment enough!”

“Well congratulations are in order, you did manage to screw someone over,” he chided.

“Me,” you stated dryly, gesturing widely at your busted up body.

“You,” he echoed with a sigh that seemed to deflate him.

He suddenly looked so small, sitting there next to you. You watched him as clenched and unclenched his jaw, rubbing his large hands up and down his thighs – was he anxious? You mind raced as you felt his eyes travel slowly up your body. You held your breath as he worked up the nerve to finally bring his eyes up to yours.

The moment his eyes landed on yours, something shifted. Whatever had been lodged uncomfortably between the two of you all these years had finally clicked into place. This change, albeit small, was palpable. His eyes dropped to your lips and lingered there. He was looking at you like he’d never seen you before. Like he was afraid he might never see you again.

Without speaking, Geralt inched himself closer to you and reached a tender hand to tuck your hair behind your ears before cradling your face.

“You’re not allowed to die, do you hear me?” he whispered, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb.

You gave him a quick nod and brought your hand up to his, nuzzling into the warmth of his palm before giving his hand a quick kiss.

“I need to hear you say it,” he begged, bringing himself even closer to you.

“I do,” you breathed, trying to sit up to bring your face closer to his. “I’m not going to die, not on your watch, but I’m also not quitting.”

“Y/N –”

“No! If I quit, you’d get lazy. Who’d push you? What would be your driving force?”

“Wow,” he scoffed, looking at you incredulously but fondly, “you’re so fucking arrogant.”

“And yet…” you said, quirking a brow flirtatiously as you pulled him closer by the collar.

“… and yet?” he murmured, letting himself be pulled closer to you. His eyes half-closed and his lips slightly parted.

“You love me.”

“I love you.”

And then he kissed you. His mouth claimed yours urgently but his hands were ever gentle, ghosting over your bandages and caressing your skin with a feather-light tenderness that would have brought you to your knees had you not already been bedridden. Any hesitation or doubt melted away under the heat of his touch as all those years of tension sprung apart catastrophically. The knot you had carried in your stomach unfurled into flittering fireflies, their heat traveling up your stomach to your chest as his hands worked their way into your hair.

You didn’t know when they’d fallen, but you let out a shaky laugh as Geralt kissed away the tears on your cheeks, his thumb swiping at the tears his soft lips failed to catch. Breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against yours; his hands cupping your face as yours captured his.

Gods – this man was going to be the death of you.

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cynettic · 3 years

Text

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find - pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight.

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long.

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest.

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…”

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…”

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck.

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

#genshin impact #genshin impact hc #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact oneshots #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #kitsune reader #yandere scaramouche #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #reader x scaramouche #scaramouche angst #writing #angst

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hotwings0203 · 3 years

Note

Meeee. I want a longer version of the voyeur deku and bully kacchan. but in kacchan's pov tho. 💜💜💜👀

My dear anon. You ask and so you shall receive 💓

Pt.1, Pt.2

Tw: implied gangbang, stalking, implied noncon

If there’s one thing Katsuki Bakugo hated more than Deku, it was you.

No, actually, scratch that.

He couldn’t stand you around Deku.

As his childhood friend-or rival, whatever the fuck you wanted to call it, Bakugo knew Deku like the back of his hand.

He knew how he liked his breakfast, eggs runny with cheese and pepper sprinkled in the middle. He knew how crazy he could be as a fanboy for All Might, collecting over 500 antiques of the hero. He knew how he liked spring better because then he could stand under the Sakura trees and close his eyes in bliss while the petals floated softly down on his face.

He knew how he liked to steal your panties and jerk off to them.

He knew that his favorite position to watch him rape you from the front so that he could see every expression while you were filled to the brim with cum.

How the fuck could you be so blind?

Did you not notice the way your undergarments slowly started to vanish, one by one? Did you not realize who’s handwriting it was when you found yet another threatening yet lewd note in your locker? You had to actually be brain dead to not catch on to how he was always the last person out, just to trail behind and watch how your ass swayed when you walked out of the classroom.

But no, apparently you were even more stupid than he thought.

Because instead of correctly matching a face to actions, you thought him, Bakugo fucking Katsuki was the one doing all of this.

He supposed he couldn’t actually hold it against you though. I mean, he was the one slipping a hand up your shirt when you were walking out said door, he was the one who was shoving you against the lockers right when you were about to unlock it and find the notes, and he was the one who tore your panties in two, dangling them in front of your face while you pleaded for him to give it back. He never did, of course, he simply threw them over his shoulder and proceeded dragging you away so he could fuck you in privacy.

But he guesses there wasn’t much privacy if he was being watched all the time.

It was actually pretty typical of Deku. To leech off of what he left behind and try to claim it as his own. First his All Might obsession, then his shoot style, and now you? It’s pathetic, but typical.

He should’ve realized it wasn’t the shadows moving in the corner of his eyes when he was buried to the hilt inside your warmth. When the hairs stood at the back of your neck in the showers, it wasn’t because he was fucking you dumb, it was because someone else’s moans were in synch with his.

But it’s okay, because he knows and you don’t. He knows how the dweeb looks at you, how he sports a tent in his pants when you innocently lay a hand on his shoulder, he knows why your window is broken even though you fell asleep with it intact.

He catches Deku one day. He catches him red handed like the little rat he is.

It was so easy, too, the green haired little shit follows him around like some lovesick puppy anyways. Sometimes he can’t tell if he’s following you or himself.

You walk home from your night classes one evening, when the night is darker than your own shadows and the stars barely dust across the sky. No one else is around, and so you clutch your bag a little more tightly against you whenever you hear a leaf or a start car rustle in the trees surrounding your path back to the dorms.

Bakugo knows your schedule, of course. You take English and Statistics in the morning and save Quirk Training for the evening when you’re the most tired-a stupid plan, in his opinion.

Or at least he thought, at first. Turns out that you’re the easiest to follow when you’re spent and covered in bruises from being thrown against rocks and burned by fire from class. He wishes he could’ve seen you in person when that all happens, but it doesn’t matter when you’re stumbling down the cobblestone path towards your dorm, deaf and blind to any person that might be right behind you.

You just want to go home, he can accept that. Especially when he can so easily trail after you, merely 20 feet away on the same path as you. No one would suspect he’s up to no good from the leisurely way he strolls with his hands in his pockets, and he would bet his entire life that you wouldn’t waste a second to turn around and check your surrounding in favor of hurrying up to your room so you can sleep the aches away.

He might be subtle, but Deku isn’t.

The fucker hides in the bushes and almost crawls like a bug in the foliage after his two favorite people. It’s not even a clever disguise because his hair is three shades lighter than the leaves on the thickets.

Bakugo can hear the twigs snap and rustle as he bumbles around trying to be inconspicuous. He rolls his eyes and turns around, a deep scowl on his face.

“You’re not fooling anyone you bastard. Get the fuck out here right now before I blast you away.”

It doesn’t even take a full three seconds before Deku’s head meekly pops up and he gives a weak smile.

“H-hey Kacchan. Nice to see you here, I just dropped my papers-“

“No you didn’t. How long have you been following us?”

Deku blanches and slowly lifts his eyes to meet Bakugo’s. His mouth might’ve tried to open and refute the accusation, but when he saw the subtle smirk in the latters eye he found himself caring less about being caught.

“Howd you know?”

“You fuckin’ kidding me?” He scoffs and takes a quick glance back at you to ensure that you hadn’t walked too far off. You were still slowly trudging away, an easy distance for him to cross. “You’re about as stealthy as my quirk you freak.”

Deku laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head, also trying to quickly turn his head to see where you are.

“You likin’ the show so far?”

“Huh?” The green haired boy snaps his head back to him, blushing furiously now.

“You heard me. And don’t pretend to be so scandalized, you’re not holier than thou.”

The low voice to an almost predatory tone makes Deku drop the act. He straightens up a bit taller and his eyelids lower, his brows raised in a mocking sneer of some sorts. His lips curl and his teeth gleam in the moonlight, almost looking like fangs.

Bakugo has to remind himself for a moment not to back up a step.

“Yeah, I’m likin’ it.”

“I knew it. I bet you watched us every time we fucked, you bastard. Next time I’ll make you pay for front row seats since that’s where you always seem to be.” He crosses his arms and stares Deku down.

But the other doesn’t cower. Instead, his expression morphs into that of a weird hopeful look.

“I wouldn’t exactly say fucked is the right word. I’d say raped is better, Kacchan.”

It’s the utter confidence and ease in which he says this that makes Bakugo do a double take, his scowl breaking for a moment.

But he regroups. He knew this little shit was weird and fucked up, but he didn’t realize he was twisted beyond repair. In reality, he knew he was actually having sex with you without your full consent but hearing it from a guy like Deku made it so much worse.

It made his heart pound a little faster, while it made Dekus mouth water.

“Yeah? You liked watching me motorboat and fuck her tits? You liked hearing her scream for me, scream to get away from me too?”

And even in the shadows from the trees he can see how hard the degenerate nods his head eagerly like a dog waiting for its bone.

Even though he doesn’t like how the glint in his eyes darken with each vile word coming from his own mouth, he can’t help but go further down this rabbit hole and see how much Deku can take before he snaps-he’s never seen him so hungry for something before, except for when he would be around All Might.

So he eggs him on.

“I bet you got off on watching her struggle underneath me, didn’t you?” It’s less of a question and more of a statement to which Deku confirms.

“I did. I got off so many times I thought I’d have to get it checked out. But honestly, I think you could do better.”

Katsuki wasnt expecting that response.

“Who the fuck are you to-“

“Have you ever really savored the look of fear in her eyes? Have you ever tied her up and really played with her?”

His voice gets stuck in his throat as Deku continues.

“She’s pretty when you fill her up, but I can’t help but wonder..what would she look like with every hole plugged?”

He has no right looking so shy and nervous when such filth leaves his salivating lips. A drop of spit falls to the cobblestone and as Bakugo grimaces and steps back a bit, he realizes that he has not given his childhood rival as much credit for being a creep than he actually is.

“No fucking way. You better not be suggesting you get in on any of this action. She’s fuckin’ mine and I’ll be damned if I have to share her with some useless fuck like you.”

“I promise I won’t be useless, Kacchan. I’ll make sure to keep her moving at all times. She won’t stop bouncing when I’m with her, please, please let me give it a try too.”

And when he doesn’t look convinced, Deku rambles on like a madman. “I’ll even gag her with her own bloodstained panties so that she can shut up and I can focus better. I won’t ask you for her pussy either, I’ll take her ass or throat instead if you want!”

Katsuki wishes he didn’t hear the childhood boyish eager in his voice as he spoke.

He also wishes his dick didn’t get quite so hard when all of that was said.

“God, just shut up already, she’s getting farther now. Okay look, I’ll let you give it a go this one time only so that I can fuck her in peace without you staring at my ass the entire time.”

Dekus eyes light up and he lifts a leg over to step over the hedges. “Really, you mean it? I can fuck her too?”

Bakugo snarls and turns away, heading towards the same path you took. “Whatever, just don’t think this is gonna be a regular kind of thing. I worked hard to get myself a toy and I’ll be damned if you fuck it up for me.”

And when they both join the other towards you, there’s a moment when you glance back that you think the shadow that has been following you this whole time has turned into two.

844 notes · View notes

kosmosguk · 3 years

Text

Lineage (M) | 4

Pairing: Duke Yoongi x Princess Reader

Word Count: 5.2K

Summary: When an engagement locks you, the 8th and forgotten princess, to the duke infamous for his cruelty, you find yourself counting the days until your inevitable death. It’s terrifying to think of your end, but when you arrive at his territory, you realize there’s a more morbid reason behind your marriage, and that the duke is much worse than the rumors have painted him out to be.

Warnings: HEAVY yandere themes, death, mentions of gore and death, near-death experiences, obsessive behaviors, manipulation, mentions of smut, 18+, explicit language, pregnancy, vomiting

A/N: wow...I can’t believe this story (well the main story; there’s a special chapter and an epilogue coming up) is over. Over 40 pages later...It feels like I’ve raised and nurtured a baby into a somewhat adult and now I have to send it off for college or smth :( I never thought the story would do this good in the first place (part 1 has 4k+ notes and I’m ,, shook ,,,) so to everyone who supported and loved this story (as messy as it was)...THANK YOU! Please keep supporting my writing, and I hope to keep improving as your lovely kosmosguk :]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

The air was still cold, the kind of cold that heavily bore on your lungs and left you rattling like the only thing left of you was a decaying ivory skeleton. You supposed the cold made sense, even though it was spring and it shouldn’t have been so cold. Some part of you convinced yourself it was the norm even when droplets of icy water splashed onto your frail cheeks. Even when you closed the door behind you, you could feel the chill; even when an acrid taste built up in your throat, you could not stop shivering.

Why could you remember the look on Namjoon’s face? You closed your eyes. Go away, go away, go away. His face lingered even then, even more stark against the darkness of your closed lids, hollow, disappointed eyes and lips curled too rigidly, too unnaturally into a smile. You knew that look. You hated that look.

You could feel the pain in your chest, prickling, and that pain seemed to sink itself into your stomach. Why did it hurt? Why were you hurting?

10. 9. 8.

You counted in your mind softly as the nausea swelled up, like the disgustingly messy crescendo of an agonizing melody. Now, this was strange, wasn’t it? Your cold wasn’t supposed to be accompanied by such nausea. When you began to heave, bracing yourself against the frame of your bed, you heard a knock and then the door click open.

A maid stood out there, her eyes widening as if she could not fathom the sight of you. You clasped your hand around your mouth, tears building up in your eyes, and you choked on a heave. You heard her footsteps tapping frantically as she dashed to get a bucket, but you couldn’t hold in the prickling in your throat, the swirling in your stomach.

Tears spilled out, dropping onto the ground, as you bent over and retched all over your nightgown and the carpet. Your vision blurred, spots dancing, and you sunk heavily into the moment of weakness.

When you came to, you were being encased in something warm. You didn’t smell anything rancid like what you had been expecting; instead, the soft pleasant scene of rose oil scented soap met your nose, and you exhaled a relieved sigh. Wait…rose wasn’t the only smell. You could smell a hint of wine and something muskier, though slightly sweet. The smell of it was so familiar. It couldn’t be? You peeked open an eye to look up to see your surroundings, and your mouth dropped open slightly.

“D-duke? My Lord. Why are you here? Why…How did I get here?’’ you sputtered, and you tried to push yourself out of his hold. His gaze, along with his hold, remained steady. He reached out slightly and gently trailed a finger down the curve of your cheek.

“I haven’t been able to visit you lately because of how busy I’ve been…If I had known you were feeling so ill, I would’ve been by your side. I’m so sorry,’’ his tone was remorseful. The Duke, who everyone believed had no bone of emotion in his body and who was notorious for never feeling remorse, was apologizing to you. His words seemed to wash out every agony you had experienced. You rapidly blinked away the hint of tears in your eyes and ducked your head shyly.

He caught your chin with a hand before you could hide your face and lifted it gently. You noticed the black circles imprinted into the skin under his eyes, the way his face was even more waxy and pale than usual. Every aggrievance you had despaired over while alone in that room faded; you missed him. You missed him so much. You wouldn’t have been stuck in your own head if he had been there to hold you…but he was here now.

That thought washed over you, and you wrapped your fingers around the hand that was under your chin. His hand was limp as you pushed it down to your thrumming heart. Your stomach fluttered as his fingertips traced your warm skin peeking out of the collar of your nightgown. You carefully held his hand there. You didn’t notice the brief flash of guilt on his face.

You didn’t say anything, your hand still firmly holding his, and you shuffled your body closer, closing your eyes. The scent of the two of you mixed together was pleasant, and although Yoongi’s touch was usually unnaturally cold, today he was so warm. Or maybe the warmth of you had seeped out and spread around the two of you. That was okay; you were warm enough for the both of you. You suddenly felt so tired, even though you had just slept.

“Yoongi…,’’ your voice was barely a mumble,’’ I’m tired. Stay with me?’’

He moved the hand in your grasp slightly, and you held on tightly even though you were half-asleep. He chuckled lowly.

“Don’t worry. Relax your hand. I’ll be here,’’ he spoke. You complied, and you felt his fingers wrap themselves around yours. The two of you laid there, a hand clasped with the other between your chests, and you took in the sensation of your husband with every deep inhale.

“I’ll always be here.”

“Is she better?’’

Namjoon leaned back on the chain, but his posture was still stiff. Yoongi gazed at him with cold eyes from the chair across from Namjoon.

“What were you doing with her? Alone.’’ Yoongi’s voice was menacing.

Namjoon casually shrugged, his voice was level and careful to not expose any of his inner emotions.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? I was checking up on her, something her husband wasn’t doing. She didn’t look too good either,’’ Namjoon kept an eye on Yoongi’s reaction, his tone accusatory and raising in volume,’’ It made me think that you don’t give a damn about her, even though she looks and acts so much like her.’’

“Don’t.’’

Namjoon laughed bitterly.

“Don’t what? Don’t mention how much of a shitty husband you are? Don’t mention her? Shouldn’t I be telling you that? Don’t treat her like a replacement. She isn’t her. She died years ago. I saw her dead body. You saw her dead body. She’s not here anymore, Yoongi. You have to move on.’’

Yoongi’s palms were in fists now, his knuckles turning white, but his voice remained steady.

“She’s not dead.’’

Namjoon looked at Yoongi in disbelief, his expression twisting even further. Namjoon could only laugh, the sound dry and hoarse, and it crackled out like the remnants that Namjoon held in his heart.

“Yoongi.’’ This wasn’t Namjoon. Namjoon rarely got angry at Yoongi; hell, after what happened, he never got even slightly bent up at Yoongi, but he saw your face, contorted and agonized. His voice pressed out like a layer of bitter poison. He was on his feet now. “Fucking wake up. She’s dead. She died!”

“She hasn’t died,’’ Yoongi inhaled a deep breath,” She’s alive; I know it!’’

Namjoon shook his head, and before he knew it, his fist had collided with Yoongi’s jaw, sending Yoongi’s head swiveling to the right. He grabbed Yoongi by the shirt. Yoongi didn’t move, barely flinching from the blooming bruise on his face.

“Get it in your head, bastard. I’ve known you for centuries, Yoongi. I cared about her too, but she’s dead. But you know who’s not dead! Your wife. And she’s dying because of you. You want to cause someone else who loves you to die again?’’

“She’s alive, Namjoon! She died, but she’s back. Namjoon, don’t you understand?’’

Namjoon yanked Yoongi up, curling back his mouth to shout some more, but his words died in his throat before they could rise and leave on his tongue. There was a deranged look in Yoongi’s usually composed eyes. Yoongi looked feral, a murderous beast rippling underneath the façade of the weak human he wore, and Namjoon felt his spine curl in chills.

Namjoon dropped Yoongi back onto the sofa, his chest rising up in rapid heavy breaths, and he shook his head before spitting out his final words.

“You, you’re the one who doesn’t understand. If you don’t get your act together, as your friend, I’ll give you a warning: something will take her away. Whether it be a new suitor or death.”

Namjoon turned to leave, and his hand was on the doorknob when he heard Yoongi’s voice.

“When she died, I made a choice, Namjoon.”

Namjoon didn’t move. His breathing was ragged.

“You ever wonder how I managed to survive this long with most of my power gone? It’s because of her. I made the choice when…when she was bleeding out, I made a pact with the God of life. The God of life knew that I would’ve destroyed that family of bastards and then the world if I had a chance, so he made a deal with me. She would be born as the unloved princess of the same line of people who killed her, but I had to promise that I could not destroy the world. Namjoon, I’m telling you this for a reason.’’

Namjoon turned quickly back, his eyes pinned to Yoongi’s still form on the sofa. He didn’t expect Yoongi to keep talking.

“But we’ve been friends for centuries. You deserve the truth. The deal I made with that bastard wasn’t perfect. When she was reborn, she would be human. Her. She had been so in love with flowers, and now she doesn’t even look at them the same anymore. But God said…,’’ Yoongi inhaled,’’ God said I could have her really back if I was careful. Where she had been stabbed, there’s a mark. If I could make her love me once more and I waited until the Spring Equinox… If I stabbed her through there, I would have my love back.’’

There was a pause to laugh, though it was no laugh of joy. “Isn’t that cruel? I would have to hurt her the way they hurt her. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it if I have a chance to get her back.’’

“Yoongi…!’’ Namjoon’s breath was even more ragged now. Rage colored it. “She’s human. If you kill her, there’s a chance she’ll actually die! That body of hers is human. It can’t contain the power of a deity!’’

“Don’t you think I know that?’’ Yoongi’s voice struck an unruly crescendo, and he finally rose to his feet. Namjoon flinched slightly at the maniacal expression painted in his friend’s once calm eyes. “This is my final chance to bring her back. She’ll never be hurt again! I’ll lock her up in a safe place, my flower, my…my wife.’’

“Don’t you understand what you’re doing is going to hurt her? It’s already hurting her!’’ Namjoon’s voice boomed in a yell, but Yoongi didn’t back down. He was too far now to back down.

“What does it matter? I love her. She’s the same as her, but she’s also not the same. She needs to be completed. The her of now is just a vessel for her true self… And as long as I break it, everything will go back to the way it should’ve been before she decided to trust those mortal bastards over me!’’

There was a tension in the room that couldn’t be swallowed by Yoongi’s increasingly rough breathing. Namjoon’s voice managed to croak out. There was no stability to it, not anymore.

“When you said there’s a reason why you’re telling me this, what is it? You know I’m going to stop you from pulling through with this. She’s dead, Yoongi, and the her of right now is a mortal! She’ll die once more, and what will you do then? As your friend—!’’

“What friend? What friend does a demon even have? And what friend looks at his friend’s wife in that manner, in nearly the same way that I do…! Namjoon, I know you love her.’’ Yoongi’s voice lowered back down to a threateningly calm voice. “And I can’t have that.”

Namjoon steeled himself for a fight, but he was no match for Yoongi. Yoongi was older than him, more powerful than him. He had slain bodies on the battlefield without losing breath. And now, he was going to do the same to Namjoon. Yoongi’s hands wrapped tightly around Namjoon’s neck, and Namjoon choked on a wheezing breath.

Namjoon tried to suck in a shaky breath as his vision splotched. He was a demon. He couldn’t quite die like humans did, but there was an end to all entities, demonic or heavenly, and Yoongi’s power was bitterly overwhelming. Yoongi’s fingers dug into the thin mortal-like flesh of Namjoon, and blood the deep color of ink dribbled out of crescent marks.

“I’ll take into consideration your many years of servitude to me, Namjoon. Your end will be much kinder than the ends of those before you.”

Flowers were peeking through blades of jade-green glass when you finally found yourself outside the rumored garden of the Duke’s first love.

He had gone for the day, and you had bitten the apple of temptation that curiosity had granted you.

You were the duchess; there was no need for you to be so cautious nor feel so guilty. But your gaze darted left and right, careful of any lingering servants, as you pushed your way into the depths of the garden.

Lush flowers greeted you, petals of every shade of the rainbow unfurling and glistening with the morning dew, and you exhaled in soft wonder. The sight was marvelous. The garden was beautiful, and it had been tended to meticulously. The beauty of the garden coupled with the pinpricks of growing despair in your heart as you furthered your way in.

You heard something snap and heard the voices of servants from just outside.

“The Duchess hasn’t been feeling well, hasn’t she?’’ you heard the voice’s echo.

“Ay, it’s unfortunate that the Duke has been too busy to look after her. They used to be so enamored at the beginnin’ of their marriage, but noble marriages…,’’ the responding voice hushed, but you could still hear the last part,” they never really go happy. Especially since rumors been spreading that the Duke still has a first love he can’t forget and only married the Duchess cause she reminded him of ‘er.”

You hurried your pace further in, not wanting to get caught. Your breath hitched, and the agony of those soft words pierced your already aching heart. Your eyes prickled in hot tears. Why, you wanted to scream at yourself as your footsteps quickened and your vision blurred, why were you so weak?

He had treated you so well. He loved you, didn’t he?

Your ankle twisted as your shoe slipped on the wet ground, and you were sent sprawling into the ground, grass and mud staining your dress. You looked pathetic, wet and muddy and close to tears…and then you looked up and made eye contact with the gray statue standing in front of you.

It had been carefully carved in the image of a young girl, holding an armful of flower bouquets—you noticed that the flowers were not made of stone like the rest of her and that they were fresh, as if someone had tenderly made sure to replace them every day—in her arms and beaming widely as her legs raised in a gleeful skip. She looked alive, but most importantly…she looked exactly like you.

From the slope of her nose to the curve of her lips and even to the way her eyes turned up in a playful smile, reminiscent of the naïve you of the past, she was every inch you like you were every centimeter her.

The answer to the previous question rang and echoed painfully in your head: No.

Your tears broke free from its constraints. They dripped down your cheeks like blood drops, and you muffled a sob as the cruel truth dug its blade into your heart and left you painfully bleeding out in a beautiful garden filled with the past’s flowers.

You allow him to embrace you as the waning moonlight slowly aligned itself to match the glowing sunlight. Even when he seemed distracted, and you could tell his thoughts were drifting back to her, you would shamelessly bring him closer to you, spread your legs farther apart and moan more like the whore you were. Anything, you would repeat to yourself, anything to keep him to you.

But if you were willing to do anything for him to love you, why did you find hot tears spilling onto your cheeks as you watched the sleeping him? The moonlight would embrace his skin, light it up like it was alabaster, and you would realize that perhaps the love he had shown you before was like the love an artist gave to a statue: tender but shallow.

Even then, you would lose yourself in your own rosy-painted memories, in which he tenderly cradled your hand and told you how beautiful you had looked the night of the ball. You loved him; you loved him too much.

But why, if you loved him so, did you hide your nausea to yourself? Why did you pick at meals and force yourself to eat them despite the growing urge to vomit? Why did you hide? Did you want to remain eternally beautiful and pure to him, like the innocent girl laughing silently in that wretched garden?

Did he ever love you?

When the hours of moonlight finally clicked to match the hours of daylight, you received your answer.

The moonlight served to guide your clumsy fingers. You were carefully embroidering a delicate lily, though it did not look as lovely as you had hoped, into a pure ivory handkerchief when the door of your shared room with the Duke clicked open.

“My wife.”

His face was solemn as ever, but there was a soft light that glowed in his cool eyes. The tenderness on his face was reminiscent of the kind he used to have for you back in the earlier days of your marriage. You were enthralled, bewitched, and entranced as he took quick paces towards you. He swept you up in his arms, his embrace strong and firm, and the handkerchief slipped from your still figures.

If you had not been immersed in the high of his affection, you would have been despaired over the handkerchief, with its half-finished lily, getting dirty. Your mother, before her death, used to adore lilies. She would smile bittersweetly as the bouquet of lilies delivered from the king dwindled and wilted before smoothing your hair down, her voice dim as she spoke.

“I used to love lilies…They stand for three things: devotion, humility, and…”

The third part seemed to escape your mind, but you found yourself not caring as much as Yoongi’s grip on you tightened.

“My Duke, what are y—?’’ you gasped out in surprise.

His voice cut you off, the sound rough and haggard and…exhilarated.

You felt something in your gut alert you of danger, but you did not care. He was holding you; you melted in his touch.

“My wife, I must ask you a dire question,’’ his voice echoed in the silent room,” Do you love me, my wife…Do you love me?’’

Your response spilled out of your lips as if you were bewitched by a spell. Your words were coated in a pathetic, desperate vulnerability.

“Yes, husband, I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you so much.”

Your breath hitched as his grip strengthened, and your brain was covered in a dizzy haze as you tried to gasp for a deeper inhale of air. He pulled away; you were surprised, briefly, at how cruel his eyes looked in the moonlight despite the warmth exuding from him.

“Good. My wife, I love you. I have a surprise for you, but you must trust me. Hold my hand,’’ he reached his hand out, and your hand was clasped in his iron-cold hand before you could fully process your thought. You blindly trusted him, even when he took out a fine silk ribbon.

It was a beautiful shade of gold, though slightly dirty, but your lips twitched nervously as you noticed small splatters of red dying the fabric. However, Yoongi’s gentle smile never wavered, and like an innocent lamb awaiting slaughter, you closed your eyes and let him tie it around you.

“Perfect. You look beautiful, my wife.”

Your heart skipped a beat. All of the love he had ever shown you before had been subtle. But it poured and oozed out of every word that he had spoken. You were foolishly giddy.

You could feel a slight skip in your step as Yoongi guided you. Step by step, you placed your trust in him. You did not hear any other sound other than the footsteps of Yoongi and you. It was unnerving, almost, the silence in the halls. But even when you heard something squelch, like the carpet had been soaked in some liquid, underneath the wooden soles of your slippers, you did not let your footsteps waver.

You were outside now. Your shoes brushed against grass and grated against stone, and you felt the merciless night wind whip at your hair before slowing down to a gentle breeze. You shivered and sought warmth, but there was no warmth, not even in Yoongi’s hand around yours, outside of the ribbon around your eyes.

“My wife, we are here,” you felt Yoongi let go of your hand, and his fingertips brushed against your cheek as he reached to undo the gold ribbon. The fabric fluttered down, the softness of it remaining on your face as you made petrified eye contact with the statue.

It was her; she held new flowers in her hands. A bundle of lilies sparkled white in the moonlight, and you felt your face go ashy. You remembered the final third meaning of lilies: restored innocence after death.

“Duke…Yoongi, what’s…What’s,’’ you tried to sputter out. Your pupils were dilated from fear, and you did not shake from the cold. No, you trembled from a deep sense of fearful dread. You flung your arms and embraced yourself as the nausea boiled in your gut and rose in your throat like acrid steam.

He got closer to you, and the moonlight illuminated the mania in his eyes and the glint of a blade. There was no calm before the storm; no, this was the storm. You let out a shrill scream and turned to run away.

Your feet tore up grass in your frenzy, but he was the Duke that many had rumored came from hell. He cut down thousands on the battlefield and emerged each time drenched in blood. It was then, as he reached out and grabbed your arm in a callous, bruising grip, that you came to see the monster that lingered in the human shell you had loved.

He shoved you down to the ground, and his voice pitched as he spat out: “The first night that you had died, I had nearly killed them all. I had planned on vengeance, on soaking this damned earth in blood, but I made a deal. The God said if I spared their creation, I could have you back…You would be human, disgusting and impure like the ones who had slain you…but I could change that. Only if I eliminate the stench of humanity from you.”

You scrambled back as he approached and hugged your stomach. You could already feel the sting of the blade, but you still cried out as the blade glinted in his hand.

“Yoongi, I’m pregnant!’’ you kept your eyes firmly on him,” Yoongi, I have your child! Please, please, if you kill me, this child will die!”

The blade in Yoongi’s hand paused as your breath caught in your throat.

His voice was weak and trembled slightly as he spoke. He was so vicious just a second prior, but now he looked ready to collapse. “My…my child…”

You sought to further his hesitation, to save not only yourself but your child too, and it seemed easy enough to begin weeping once more as your emotions soared to a rattled high.

“If you kill me, you kill this child. Our child. You asked me to call you Yoongi when we married,’’ you sucked in a shaky breath,” Didn’t I mean something to you? And if not me, what about our child? I look so much like…so much like her that our baby would surely resemble her too. Please, Yoongi, my husband, please, please, please!’’

His eyes flickered to the blade in his hand and back to the red mark peeking through the neckline of your gown. There was a resolute light that returned to his suddenly brighter red eyes that startled your heart back into a fiercer race in your chest.

No, please, you silently begged him and hugged your stomach.

“We can always,’’ he swallowed, and your eyes stilled in a conflicting hopelessness as he raised the blade back up once more,” When you’re her again, we can always have more children. We’ll have so many, as much as we want; that will be my apology for taking away our first child. You’ll understand…She would understand.”

The blade shing-ed as it pierced downwards through the night towards your chest, and you clenched your eyes shut and tried to shield your unborn child.

The sound abruptly stopped, and you heard a muffled groan accompany a heavy thud against the ground. You peeked open your eyes, and you choked on shock.

The man before you looked exhausted and you saw broken iron clasped around one of his wrists. There was exhaustion rimmed underneath his eyes, but you saw firm courage in them too.

“N…Namjoon! Namjoon, Namjoon, please, please save my child!’’ you were screaming hysterically, your eyes hazy as you refused to let your arms fall from around your stomach.

He glanced back at you. That courage grew, and you felt wretched as the bitter taste of grief bite at your tongue. You knew what you were asking for was selfish. You had been selfish from the beginning.

You were selfish to want a happy ending. You were selfish to yearn for a family of three with the Duke, your child’s chubby fingers placed in the hands of each parent, and you were selfish to want to not lose someone else important to you either.

“Go…Go…Now!’’ he called out to you. “He’ll get up soon; you have to leave!’’

You stumbled back up on weak legs. Tears rose in your swollen eyes.

“Please, Namjoon, I can’t…,’’ you choked on a ragged sob,” I can’t leave you here!’’

“You have to!’’ his eyes darted back to Yoongi’s collapsed form,” I’ll come back for you. So hurry…Go!’’

“Promise! You have to be safe!’’ At the sound of Yoongi—no, the Duke—getting up from the ground, you forced yourself to kick your shoes off, turn around, and run away. As pebbles and branches bit at your naked feet, you could hear the sound of fighting. Please, Namjoon be safe, you prayed.

When you reached outside of the garden, you heard a loud choked yell of pain and closed your eyes shut as tears bit once more at them. Was…Was Namjoon dead? You looked back into the darkness of the maze-like garden, the darkness even more haunting with the grave silence permeating it, and you felt grief swell in your gut. You were sobbing now, ready to collapse into the unforgiving dirt, but Namjoon was willing to risk his life for you. You could not stop now.

You saw a figure standing outside, blocking the path away from the garden. Though it was dark, you managed to make out who he was as you got closer. His previously youthful and cheerful features were carefully set back in a more aged look. It was the aid that the Duke had hired for you: Jungkook.

“My goddess, the demon has sacrificed his life for you. Though you are human, God had sent me to guide you. The demon king had promised that he would not slain any other life in vain, and with the death of the demon, that promise has been unfulfilled. But God is merciful…They will protect you and your unborn child from danger.”

The aid’s voice was stony, unlike the light tone he had adopted before, but somehow, that very sound relaxed you. You had no one else to trust now and no way to live securely with your child.

The angel extended a hand, just like the Duke had extended his hand out to you while plotting to end your life.

“Will you take my hand, and let me protect you for as long as you may live?’’

You stared at his hand…and shook your head.

“God’s human servant humbly cannot agree to this. I do not need your forever protection, angel. Please, as long as you find a place safe for my unborn child, I will do whatever is necessary, but I am not willing to fully take the hand of a stranger so soon after a betrayal.”

You felt a tinge of a smile at Jungkook’s…no the angel’s lips, reminiscent of the days in which you had once felt happiness.

“God has always given their promises carefully. Not many mortals have ever refused the divine help. Many have even dared to push the boundaries of such promises.”

You placed a gentle hand over your stomach.

“As long as my child is safe, to me that is all that matters. Please, angel, help me once to only fulfill security for my baby.”

“Then, take my hand now. I have never witnessed a human refuse the hand of an angel before. If a devout believer were to witness you, would you not be labelled as a sinner?” the angel’s voice was almost teasing, had the sound not been so dry and flat.

“Labelled with this damned red mark, I have been a sinner the day I arrived on this earth, angel. It seems to be in my lineage to be nothing more than a sinner.’’ You wryly spoke and reached out your hand, finally taking his. You glanced once more back at the garden, blackened by the shadowy darkness and stench of death.

As you left this wretched place, where you had found love and had been destroyed by love, where you had been pushed and grown from the feeble girl of the past, where you had made memories despite how brief its actuality had been, the statue of the girl began to crumble and the bouquet of white lilies in her hand began to wilt, and as dust and crumbled petals fell to the ground, they became stained once more in red.

A/n: It’s finally the end of the main story :’) As always, leave a comment or a detailed review if you enjoyed the story.

A special chapter from Yoongi’s perspective and an epilogue will be coming (reply with a 👑 if you aren’t on the taglist yet and want to be updated for those parts), and then Lineage will reach its final final conclusion.

Thank you, and lmk of any mistakes (I never edit sjsjsj)!

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ragingbookdragon · 3 years

Text

It's As Real As You And Me

Batsis x Kyle Rayner One-Shot

Word Count: 2.1K Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst,

Author's Note: If you cry while writing, it means you're doing it right...right? -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“Do we have to get out of bed today?” he groaned, silencing the alarm that had been snoozed at least three times before. “I don’t wanna get out of bed today.”

She snorted at him, rolling rather slowly to face his bedside. “I don’t think we have to.” She said. “We’re old. We can do whatever we want.”

He thought for a moment, old eyes trying to focus on the woman beside him; but without his glasses he couldn’t see a damn thing. “Breakfast at Pop’s?”

“That sounds wonderful,” she replied, rising from the bed. “I’m showering first.”

“Oh no you don’t!” he retorted, trying to hurry after her and she laughed, pushing him back onto the bed.

“Stop that, Kyle, before you pop your hip outta place again.”

“Ah, it’ll pop back in, (Y/N). Quit worrying.”

(Y/N) frowned at him, pointing, “You keep on and I’ll talk the kids into putting us into an old folks’ home so I can keep an eye on you better.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Kyle griped. “We’d lose the only independence we’ve got, and you don’t wanna do that.”

They glared at each other for a minute before smiles split across their faces and they fell into laughter, pressing their foreheads together.

“I love you, Kyle Rayner.”

He gently raised a hand, caressing her cheek. “And I love you more, (Y/N) Rayner.” Pecking her lips three times, he pulled away and she helped him to his feet.

“C’mon. Let’s go get ready.” She said and he gasped dramatically.

“Well, Missus Rayner, you want to fool around in the shower? At our age?” he teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“God, it’s been like seven decades and you’re still the biggest skirt chasing dork ever.”

Kyle grinned at her. “I try.”

***

“Did KJ call you back like he said he was going too?”

“Mhm,” he answered, cutting into the waffles on his plate. “Spoke to him last night. Said he’d call again after he and Thomas get back from Vermont with Sophia and the other grandkids.” He looked at her, putting the fork in his mouth. “Martha Ann call you about Devin?”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. “Yes. He’s gotten in trouble with GCPD again.” She waved it off, picking up her coffee cup. “I’ve half a mind to tell her to send our grandson to Jason and let him sort that boy out.”

Kyle snorted. “Jason would wear that kid like a slipper.”

“That’s what he needs.” She shot back. “This is the second time in a month that he’s been caught shoplifting. Mark my words, husband of mine, that boy’s a kleptomaniac and if Martha Ann doesn’t do something about it, he’s going to get worse.”

He placed a hand on hers. “You’re getting worked up again. Relax.”

“How many times have I told you not to tell me to relax?”

“I don’t know, how many times have I not listened?”

“Ass.”

“Old lady.”

“I swear I’ve never seen two elderly people more in love and so at odds with one another than I have you two.” They glanced up, seeing Stacy with the coffee pot and another plate of eggs and bacon. “Refills?”

(Y/N) smiled and held out her cup. “Thanks Stacy.”

“Of course!” she looked at her. “You two going anywhere after this?”

Kyle met (Y/N)’s gaze and offered a shrug; she nodded. “I suppose we could take a drive around the countryside. You know, like old people do on Sundays.”

Stacy laughed. “Missus Rayner, you don’t look a day over twenty-five. Now Mister Rayner, I’m afraid that white hair of yours tells me you are more than a few over twenty-five.”

He scowled at the waitress. “If there was ever a time I wish was still in my twenties, it’d be now.” He gestured to the walking cane. “Bum hip. Bum leg.”

“Bum head.” (Y/N) coughed under her breath and he glared at her.

“You think you’re funny.”

“I think I’m adorable.” She smirked, waggling her brows and Stacy merely laughed, wandering back into the kitchen. (Y/N) sighed. “It does make you think though…about the old days.”

Kyle nodded. “I wouldn’t trade our time for anything but...” he squeezed her hand. “I want to be back in that suit just for a minute.”

(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah…patrolling with dad and Dick and the others.” Her eyes started to moisten, and she inhaled sharply, dabbing at her eyes. “Sorry sweetheart.”

His smile held sympathy. “You never have to apologize, muse.” She saw his Adam’s apple bob slightly. “I miss them too.” His voice was rather hoarse, and they sat in silence the rest of the meal, remembering their dearest siblings and friends who’d passed on. Her father Bruce, and oldest brother Dick, both their wives too. And Kyle’s closest friends had all gone on too; Guy, John, and Hal had passed the month before.

The price of getting old, they guessed.

***

“I wish my hands were still able to hold pencils like I once could.”

(Y/N) rested her head on his shoulder, eyes scanning the expanse of the sunset before them. “I know what you mean.” She inhaled the scent of the freshly cut grass beside the shore. “Your painting of this would be beautiful.”

Kyle hummed. “Not as beautiful as you are.”

“I’m ninety-two and you’re telling me that even covered in wrinkles and white hair that I’m prettier than the skyline?”

He nodded. “Always have been.” He shifted until he could see her face. “Always will be, my beautiful muse.”

(Y/N) grinned like the heavens had split and leaned close, pecking his three times lips. “I love you, Kyle Rayner.”

“I love you more, (Y/N) Rayner.”

***

She turned the burner off, pouring the gravy into the boat, before setting it on the small table. “Dinner’s ready.” She called towards the living room. He’d gone into the old study when they’d gotten home and pulled out his art supplies, determined to prove he still had it.

(Y/N) frowned. “Sweetheart, dinner’s ready!” she called a little louder that time and then huffed a laugh. “Fool fell asleep.”

Wandering through the kitchen doorway into the living room, she saw him in his recliner, chin tucked into his chest, eyes closed. She sat on the side of his recliner and touched his shoulder. “Kyle, dinner’s on the table.” He didn’t open his eyes and she bent her head down to look at his face. “Kyle?”

She reached down and took one of his hands, it was cooling. “Sweetheart?” Something tightened in her throat and with her other hand, she gently pressed underneath his jaw, holding for a few seconds before she let out a pained breath. “Oh, Kyle.”

(Y/N) curled her hand tighter around his, leaning down to press her lips to his temple. She couldn’t bring herself to move as she let out a quiet sob, pressing her face into his hair. “I love you,” she whispered. “I hope you know that.” Her lips wobbled and tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I wouldn’t trade our seventy-five years for anything. We lived a beautiful life.”

She pulled away and gently took his glasses off his face, setting them onto the table. Her eyes fell to his lap where his other hand lay, a color pencil still held in it. (Y/N) felt a watery laugh bubble in her chest as she saw the last masterpiece he’d ever made.

A portrait of the sunset they'd been looking at that day. A beautiful blend of red, orange, pink, and purple cascading across the sheet like an explosion of the sky.

Her eyes fell across the words written in white along the edge,

To my beautiful muse. Always and forever.

He still had it.

And it was perfect.

***

“Julia, can you push me out onto the patio?” she asked, looking out the window. “I think I wanna sit outside for a few moments.”

The young woman, no older than twenty-two smiled brightly. “Of course, Miss Rayner!” she happily complied, pushing (Y/N)’s wheelchair out onto the cobblestone patio, sitting her next to the table. “Do you want me to bring your dinner to you?”

(Y/N) nodded. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a few moments.”

Julia wandered off and she glanced towards the skyline. It had been about six months since she let her children talk her into getting an in-home nurse after he had passed. She had argued, but after falling twice, she knew it was time to have someone look after her. (Y/N) was adamant about not going to a senior citizens home; she wanted to stay in the home her and him had built until she went too.

Her children and grandchildren had visited her the week before, all having to return to their lives once school had started and jobs went back. She understood—(Y/N)’d once been a busy wife and mother too. But it was lonely without him, and she missed him dearly.

Her eyes found the skyline again and she sighed heavily, feeling rather tired all of the sudden. A little nap wouldn’t hurt. And she knew Julia wasn’t the best cook so it’d take a while before dinner would be ready.

Just a few minutes of sleep.

Just a few minutes.

Just a few—

***

A warm breeze blew across her skin, and she cracked her eyes open, glancing out the open window of her bedroom. It felt like a normal Saturday morning. The type of mornings where she’d wake up to Tim or Damian jumping on her bed and telling her to get down to breakfast.

She blinked a few moments, not registering a thing until someone chuckled beside her. “You’ve been sleeping pretty soundly, sweetheart.”

Looking over, her eyes widened as she saw her father before her, young and handsome like he’d once been, sitting on the side of her bed. “Dad?” she breathed, and he smiled.

“Hello (Y/N).”

She shot up in a second, wrapping her arms around his neck, his own winding around her waist. “Dad,” she cried, tears gathering in her eyes. “You’re here.”

“I think it’s you who’s here, (Y/N).”

“What?” she pulled away and looked at him; her eyes drifted to the mirror hanging beside her door and she caught sight of herself—it registered as she lifted her hands to her face, no more wrinkles, no more snow-white hair, no more aches and pains.

“Looks like I fell asleep for more than a few minutes, didn’t I, dad?” she laughed, though she felt a deep sorrow.

He smiled sadly at her. “It’s the best way to go.”

(Y/N)’s eyes filled with tears, and she gazed at him. “I’ve missed you so much, dad.”

“I’ve missed you more, sweetheart.” Bruce replied, gently thumbing her cheek. “All of you.” He smiled again. “But you’re here now…and there’s a lot of people waiting to see you.”

Standing from the bed, he held his hand out to her and she took it, letting him pull her up; he walked over to the door and opened it, pulling her along as he stepped through it.

The scenery shifted from that of her bedroom to the backyard of Wayne Manor and she looked out to a large picnic table and seated around it were all the family and friends she’d lost through the decades. Dick was waving like a maniac, Kori beside him doing the same. They both looked young too. Hal, Guy, and John were sitting on the other side, ribbing Wally, Roy, and Garth over something; they too were young.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Why is everybody young again?”

Bruce hummed. “We all return to the best moments in our lives. When we were our biggest and greatest.” He glanced over her at something and smiled. “There’s someone who’s been waiting for you.”

(Y/N) looked at him with pulled brows then over in the direction he was, and she brought a hand to her mouth. She broke into a dead sprint across the backyard, leaping into his open and waiting arms. He lifted her with ease, like he used to do when he was young. Spinning them around, he buried his face in her hair as she buried hers in his shoulder as she shook with sobs.

“Sorry I wasn’t able to have dinner with you one last time, (Y/N).”

She pulled away and placed her hands on his cheek, putting their foreheads together. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you, Kyle.”

He shook his head, smiling at her. “You were there.” He reached up, putting a hand on her cheek. “You look as beautiful as the day I left you.”

(Y/N)’s lips wobbled, but she smiled widely. “I love you, Kyle Rayner.”

“I love you more, (Y/N) Rayner.” He pecked her lips three times. “Forever.”

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