#I’m tired of people taking advantage of myself and my family just because we’re poor have always been poor

[avnkin]

Wardrobe Malfunction

Author’s Note: I’m listening to an ASMR Hogwarts study session while writing this,, would highly recommend lmao

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: After having kept your relationship with Draco a secret for many months, you find yourself accidentally exposing it after having grabbed a piece of clothing that wasn’t your own.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: some angst but fluff to even it out

You and Draco had been keeping your relationship a secret for almost four months now, you both having mutually decided that the wrath of your housemates wasn’t worth it, you being a Gryffindor and him a Slytherin it wasn’t exactly a match made in heaven.

Every weekend Draco’s roommate went back home to visit his family meaning that you and him had his entire dorm to yourselves, which you always took full advantage off.

It was now a Sunday and since his roommates trip had gotten delayed it meant more time that you and Draco had to yourselves, so you stayed hauled up in his bedroom the entire day only leaving twice to attend the Great Hall for breakfast and dinner.

“I wish it could always be like this” you frowned as you laid your head on Draco’s chest, you were growing tired of having to hide your relationship, especially from your friends since you felt like you were betraying them in some way.

“I know darling, me too” Draco kissed the top of your head before beginning to run his fingers soothingly through your hair quickly lulling you into deep slumber.

When you awoke the next morning with Draco’s arm draped around your waist you allowed yourself to cuddle more into him thinking you would have a couple more minutes to spare, but oh boy how wrong you were.

Once you looked up at the clock that hung above his door you gasped once you saw the clock indicator pointing at 10 but not 8. You sprung out of bed beginning to frantically run around the room in search of your clothes.

“What are you doing” Draco rubbed his eyes as he propped himself up onto his elbows, “I missed first period and I’m so late for second” you rushed out as you hastily pulled up your skirt, “you need to wait a couple of minutes so people don’t notice we’re both late”

“Alright” Draco laid back down onto his pillow, “accio tie” you waved your wand before stretching your arms up to get your robe which laid on top of Draco’s closet.

The tie wrapped itself around your neck and you didn’t bother attempting to fix it simply giving Draco a kiss on the forehead before you ran out of his dorm and into the common room.

You always had to be careful when making your exit to be sure there wasn’t anyone there to see you. Once you’d made it out into the hallway unscathed you ran as fast as your feet could carry you towards Snape’s classroom.

“Miss Y/L/N finally decided to make an appearance I see” Snape crossed his arms over his chest as he displeaseingly watched you stand in the door way of the classroom, all heads now turned in your direction.

“Sorry Professor” you muttered before hurriedly taking your usual seat next to your friend Liza. 

“So what did I miss?” you asked as you began pulling your books out of your bag. When you didn’t get a reply you quizzically looked over at your friend who was staring wide eyed at you. 

“Liza?” you asked snapping your fingers in front of her face but she still didn’t look up at you.

“Uhm Y/N... why are you wearing that?” you furrowed your brows at her words before following her pointed finger down to your chest. You felt sick to your stomach once you saw Draco’s Slytherin tie wrapped around your neck instead of your red Gryffindor one.

Hearing the classroom door squeak open you looked up to see your boyfriend enter, the first thing you noticed was the lack of green around his neck.

Your friend followed your gaze and was quick to put two and two together. “Oh my god! You and Malfoy?” she squeaked and you hurriedly went to cover her mouth your cheeks flaming red as you looked around the classroom to see if anyone had heard.

“No! Or yes but you can’t tell anyone!” you declared slowly removing your hand from her mouth. 

“I think everyone already knows” she giggled gesturing around the classroom and sure enough students were whispering amongst each other whilst pointing at your tie and Draco’s lack of one.

“Bloody hell” you sighed internally groaning your eyes finding Draco’s who carried the same panicked glance as you.

Once class was over you quickly gathered your things and made your exit. As soon as you reached the corridor you ripped the tie from around your neck and squashed it into your bag.

You suddenly felt someone grab your upper arm and walk in front of you quickly seeing the back of Draco’s head made your stomach sink, he didn’t look too happy.

“What the hell Y/N how the bloody hell did you mange to take my tie” he whispered-yelled being careful not to attract the attention of oncoming students.

“I’m sorry! I taught myself this trick ages ago where my tie ties on it’s own and it’s never done anything like this before, it must have been because I was tired, I wasn’t focused i’m so sorry Dray” a heavy sigh left your mouth as you looked down onto your feet.

“You know what I can’t be seen with you right now so just stay away, alright?” you simply nodded at his words a heavy weight on your chest as Draco reached his arm out indicating that he wanted the tie.

You reached into your bag and slowly passed it to him, as soon as he had a hold of it he walked away from you, leaving you standing alone in the deserted corridor.

Tears began to fill your eyes as you watched him round the corner, how could you have been so stupid, you just ruined the best thing you’d ever had in your life.

Almost two weeks had now gone by and Draco was still ignoring you, he’d managed to shut the rumours about him and you down quickly and it particularly stuck with you once you’d overheard his friends saying that he’d never date a ‘mudblood’ like yourself.

Thinking it was over between you and Draco you didn’t hesitate to accept a trip to Hogsmeade with a boy from Ravenclaw you knew had been harbouring a crush on you for many months now.

His name was Aidan McLaggen and he was apparently quite the heartthrob, it seemed every girl had a crush on him since when you’d exited the main doors accompanied by him you’d gotten nasty glares from almost all the girls you walked past.

Aidan had insisted that you’d go to The Three Broomsticks for some butter beers which you were hesitant about since you knew Draco often spent his time there with his friends over the weekends.

But after minuets of Aidan’s protesting you eventually agreed letting him lead you into the crowded tavern. Your eyes immediately started dancing around the crowd in search of a certain blond which didn’t take you long to find.

Once Draco’s eyes met yours you found yourself melting underneath his gaze but before you could do anything Aidan had intertwined your hands and began walking you towards an empty table at the far end of the tavern.

Once your butter beers finally arrived you attempted to push all thoughts of Draco into the back of your mind and focus on the boy sat in front of you but you had missed how Draco’s eyes had been filled with rage once he saw Aidan touch your hand and how he’d abruptly stood up from his chair once he saw the two of you sit down, arms still connected.

He’d practically power walked towards you slamming his hands down on the table causing the containments of your butter beer to spill all over your hand.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing McLaggen” you stared wide eyed at Draco as you watched him glare at the poor boy in front of you.

“What are you doing?” you asked before Aidan could get a word out but Draco didn’t look over at you simply continuing to glare at Aidan who seemed to have no idea what was going on as his eyes darted between you and Draco.

“Just out for butter beer with this lovely lady what about yourself Malfoy?” Aidan gingerly replied as he took a sip from his butter beer, raising an eyebrow at the blond stood in front of him.

“Well this ‘lovely lady’ happens to be my girlfriend so if I were you i’d leave, right now” his tone held a warning to it as Aidan looked over at you. “Is that true?” he asked and that’s when Draco finally made eye contact with you.

You shook your head at him before abruptly standing up, the chair loudly squeaking from underneath you as you began to make your exit with Draco hot on your heels.

Once you’d made it out into the cold brisk air you wrapped your arms around yourself continuing to ignore Draco’s calls as he ran after you. Once he finally reached you he grabbed your shoulder and turned you around to face him.

“Y/N please-” he began but you cut him off, “No! Draco what the hell do you think you’re doing? You don’t talk to me for weeks and tell all your friends that you’d never date a ‘mudblood’ like me but then you see me with somebody else and you do this?”

“I never said that, you know I wouldn’t! They came up with that all on their own and I’m sorry alright? I’m so so sorry, I love you and I’m ready for everyone to know that”

“What?” your voice was small as you watched him intertwine your fingers before pulling you into his chest.

“What are you doing Draco people are watching” you panicked as you noticed the lingering crowd of students beginning to crowd around you.

“Well then, let’s give them a show” Draco smirked before he fully pulled you into him, leaning down towards you so he could connect your lips with his. You smiled into the kiss as your arms going around his neck as his travelled down to your waist.

“Are you sure about this?” you asked as you leaned back a bit watching as he smiled lovingly down at you.

“One hundred precent”

#draco malfoy one shot #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy #harry potter x reader #harry potter #draco imagine #ravenclaw #gryffindor #slytherin

[pretend-writer]

Kids Of The Future (Chapter 2)

Mini-Series

Summary: After time traveling from the apocalypse in 2019, a surprise waits for Diego and Y/N as they arrive at Dallas, Texas circa 1960.

Pairing: Hargreeves x sibling!reader, Diego Hargreeves x reader

Word Count: 1.7k words

Warning: mention of violence, mention of sex, mention of trauma

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

'You did awesome today! See you next week buddy!' I high-fived my student, then waved goodbye to him as he ran off to his mother. It was days like this when I was okay with my life after getting sent to the 60s, when I see the smile on the children's faces.

After discussing with Diego on how to live our lives while we wait for our siblings, I had a plan on how to make money for us and the baby. Using our powers and our previous training to our advantage, we decided to run a small Karate gym.

The first few months, we lived in the abandoned tv shop we found a few blocks away from the alley we were dropped into. Once our money started settling in after teaching a few kids, we got a small apartment and eventually turned the abandoned shop into a Karate Dojo.

Diego and I used to take turns teaching, while one was at the dojo the other would watch the baby at home. Eventually, I got used to running the dojo myself and Diego became really attached to the baby that he decided to be a stay home dad.

After cleaning the gym, I grabbed a few groceries before heading towards our apartment. As I opened the door, I saw our cute baby turning her head and grinning widely as she saw my face. 'Mama!'

'Hey baby!' I walked over to her and picked her up, kissing on her cheek multiple times. 'Were you good for dad today?'

'Yess!' She giggled, wrapping her small arms around me for a hug.

'Ah no Bel. Don't lie to your mom like that.' Diego said without turning around, concentrated on cooking our dinner for the night. 'I didn't forget the temper tantrum you pulled before nap time.'

Belinda widened her eyes, as if she got caught. She then buried her head into my chest. 'No.'

'Just remember one more strike and no park tomorrow.' Diego flashed a sarcastic smile at her as he brought our plates to the table.

I softly laugh, seeing how adorable Diego and Bel's relationship had become. It was crazy to think that he used to be so opposed to taking care of her. He now loved her so much just as if she was his own daughter, Diego would never let anything happen to her.

Setting Bel down in the high chair, I put the grocery bag on the counter to place all our food into the fridge. Diego turned around, 'Just leave it there. Come eat.'

'It's just a few things, besides I might forget later on.'

Diego got up, wrapped his arms around me from behind as he rested his head on my shoulder. 'Food is going to get cold.'

'You know the last time you did that, we end up missing dinner?' I chuckled, 'And Bel is sitting right there.'

'Ah, I can control myself missy.' Diego squeezed me tightly. 'Maybe.'

'Let's eat mama!' Bell yelled and laughed from behind us.

Diego smiled as he kissed my cheek. 'See? When I hear her voice it's back to reality.'

Playfully rolling my eyes, I finish putting everything away from my grocery bag. 'And if she was asleep, it'll be a different story.'

'Hmm, I guess you'll never know.' We both sat at our seats, watching Bel already finishing half of her spaghetti in her bowl.

'Dad makes good spaghetti huh? Better than mom's.' Diego grinned widely before taking a big first bite.

The three of us laughed and cheered, sharing the events that happened today while we finish our food. If I would've guessed what would've happened after Five saved us from the apacolypse, this would have never crossed my mind.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss my family. Everyday I wouldn't go to sleep without my siblings crossing my mind. It was really nice though, to have a family of our own without thinking about the apocalypse or having to deal with our powers and the bad guys.

We were finally a normal family, just like I always dreamed of since I was a little girl.

As all of us finished our dinner, Bel asked for dessert that she always looked forward to every Friday; ice cream. Except today, we had none in the freezer and I totally forgot to buy them at the grocery store.

Bel was excited, knowing that no ice cream in the freezer meant we get to go to the ice cream parlor. Not only was she able to get her favorite dessert but being able to run around outside excited her so much; even though she knew well not to run if were not at the park, outside always made her extra happy.

We walked a few blocks from our apartment, Bel in between Diego and I as she held each of our hand. She would attempt to pull us, knowing exactly where the ice cream parlor was.

'Hey, hey! Relax buttercup. Dad is too tired to run.' Diego exhaled, shaking his head as the hyper child jumped up and down. 'Why do you always want to run so much.'

'She's a kid, that's all we wanted to do right?' I laughed as I held onto Belinda's hand tightly. 'Instead we were trained at her age, it's crazy to think that dad made us do that.'

Diego shook his head, 'He was never a dad. Reginald was some man that took us in, nothing else. We were never family and just some roommates that shared a big, lonely house.'

He wasn't wrong when he said that; that "The Umbrella Academy" was just some big joke and Reginald used us for some showcase to brag to the whole country. Whatever he wanted to prove better have been worth it after ruining our lives.

Something did come out of being a part of the Hargreeves; I got to meet Diego and the rest of my siblings, the people who were really important to my life.

As I was in a deep thought process despite us walking towards the ice cream parlor, I got distracted as a familiar voice called for my name.

'Y/N? Diego?' I heard someone call us from behind. 'It's... it's really you guys.'

We both turned around, eyes widened as we saw someone we haven't seen in about three years. 'Allison...'

She ran up to us, practically throwing herself at us as she grabbed onto me and Diego tightly. 'Wow. I-I can't believe it.'

'You don't know how much I missed you Allison.' I hugged my sister, tears starting to roll down my eyes as I couldn't hold in my emotions.

'Mama, why are you crying?'

Allison's facial expression changed, releasing me as she looked down between Diego and I. 'Uhm, did she just call you mama?'

Diego chuckled, 'Really? You see us for the first time in like three years and that's the first question you ask us?'

'Uhh yea. You two had a baby!?' Allison's jaw dropped. I knew she needed a seat because the way she was surprised, she looked as though she was about to faint. 'She-she's not even a baby. She's like three... four...'

My face turned red, not even thinking about the possibility that our new addition to the family was slightly complicated. Especially with the complicated relationship that Diego and I had going on, I knew Allison was really confused.

'She's uhm... uhh.' Diego nervously laughed, not knowing the right words to say in front of our child.

'My name is Belinda! Are you auntie Allison?' She smiled so sweetly, waving hello to her.

Allison kneeled down to Belinda's height, smiled at her niece. 'Yes, I am. Nice to finally meet you sweetie.'

Diego grabbed Bel's hand, reading the queue that Allison and I needed some catching up to do privately. 'Come on. We're almost at the shop!'

'I'll be right behind you, okay?' I smiled as Diego and Belinda walk a few more steps up the street than into the store.

Quickly, I looked over to my sister and sighed. 'Ah, about tha-'

'How did you and Diego have a child already?! I mean, she seems like she's about three so you two obviously did not waste any time.' Allison started blabbing, panicking as she tried to analyze the kid situation in her head.

'She's not our child, uhm biological at least.' I clarified, 'We found her by the dumpster when Five threw us into the alley.'

'A dumpster? Wow poor thing. No one ever came looking for her?' She sympathized, understanding why I decided to take her in.

I shook my head, 'Nope. Nothing. We haven't seen a missing report about a baby so we decided to take care of her, I mean who knows what a foster family would do.'

'It's really nice of you two to do that. I'm surprised Diego was in on the idea.'

'Yeah, he wasn't happy about that at first. But he got attached to her pretty quickly.'

Allison giggled, 'So you two seem to be getting along. In fact, so well that you guys decided to play house.'

'Okay, okay. For your information Allison, we're not even dating or anything. It's complicated.'

'Complicated how? You've been stuck here in Dallas for nearly three years and he hasn't asked you out yet?'

When she put it like that, it made me think to myself for a bit. We've definitely done stuff that people who are more than friends do, but I just went with the flow. To me, it was nothing to it.

I knew Diego cared about me and I cared about him. Our priority was Belinda and we were too occupied about taking care of her to even slightly think about our relationship.

'Wait-' Allison paused, backtracking a little to our previous conversation. 'Did you say you two were in an alley?'

'Yeah, we fell pretty hard actually. Damn I swear that fall ruined my hips forever.'

'Klaus said he landed there as well, and I landed there too.'

'Did you say Klaus? You've seen him? He's here?' I got excited, it's been so long since I've seen everyone and I've missed them all so much.

Allison smiled, 'Yeah. He's crashing at my place actually.'

'Wow... I...' It was hard to believe we were slowly reuniting again. Seems as though Allison only knew Klaus' whereabouts, otherwise she would've mentioned the others by now.

Even if we weren't sure where Luther, Five and Vanya were it was nice to finally see a familiar face after three years. Nothing was more exciting than seeing your family once again.

#tua fics #the umbrella academy fics #diego hargreeves x sibling!reader #diego hargreeves x reader #n.8!reader #number eight!reader #number eight fic #diego hargreeves mini series #hargreeves x sibling!reader #hargreeves x sister!reader

[arcgeminga]

ANSWERED ASK from  @/starlightofdream​​​​: Jealousy + Aspros ♚ Meme:  Send me a number + an emotion and I will write a drabble/starter of my muse expressing that emotion!

♚— Fair warning, this is really all over the place for a drabble, and it’s not my best drabble... I… honestly cannot see an instance of Aspros getting jealous. He hasn’t ever really shown jealousy in any of the threads I have (if you exclude crack threads and the moments when I felt salty because of my NOTP being on my dashbord. I exclude those because I was projecting at those moments.)

I’ve already made a statement regarding the topic, so forgive me for this being pretty… off-topic and perhaps mildly uncomfortable? I dunno. Who cares. 

Again, I’m not proud of this and it’s not my best work, so... that’s why I hid it under a read more LMFAO

-- 

Defteros hasn’t seen his brother act like this before…

His brother came home upset--which was surprising since he had been pretty happy these past few days. Then Aspros had locked himself in their shared room and refused to get out for dinner (dinner! The best meal of the day! And it was a red meat day too!). Defteros had to work the lock open before snuck next to his brother, who laid on his side with his back facing the door.

“Aspros?” Defteros poked at his brother’s side, not yet joining his brother on the bed just in case Aspros was in a terrible mood. “You’re not gonna eat today? I’m hungry.” 

“Eat without me then,” the older twin swatted away Defteros’ hand. Okay, Aspros was definitely in a horrible mood… but he was talking!

“But we always eat together,” Defteros pouted as he crawled onto the bed. He knelt over his brother and gathered the long locks of hair in his hand. After he snatched the comb from the nightstand, Defteros started to brush Aspros’ hair as he tried to coax his brother to talk to him. “Klotho always said that a feast alone isn’t a feast at all. What made you so upset, brother?”

“Go away, Defteros,” Aspros groaned, his fist tightening around the bedsheets. But, of course, at sixteen years old, Defteros had a stubborn streak.

“I’m not going to! Tell me what’s wrong. Do I have to ask Klaus?” 

“Don’t!” Aspros bolted up and leveled a glare at Defteros--a warning.

Finally, some sort of reaction other than an upset dismissal from Aspros, but the outburst only caused Defteros to suspect… 

Aspros continued with his warning as he flopped back onto the bed and buried his face against the pillow, “Don’t even talk to him! Just forget him!”

“What? Weren’t you two friends?” Defteros asked. His brother was rather good at making friends. Aspros would always tell him about his outings with his friends, but he had a particular type of excitement about Klaus. At Aspros’ silence, Defteros realized what he said and tried to assure his brother, “Don’t worry. I haven’t met him myself, remember? I didn’t mean it when I said that I would ask Klaus.” 

After a while, Aspros muttered something against the pillow, but it was unfortunately so low and muffled that Defteros didn’t hear it.

“What?” 

“I said, we weren’t just friends….”

...It probably took Defteros embarrassingly too long to realize what his brother meant--and even then, he was shocked to the point of pausing in the act of combing his brother’s hair. Even after the incident with Victor… well, not like Aspros could remember that incident.

“Oh,” Defteros kicked himself mentally to resume his actions. Whatever his brother does in private is his own business, and his preference didn’t matter either. As long as Aspros wasn’t drugged or hurt… wait… 

Defteros frowned as he stopped his hands once again, peering at the back of Aspros’ head. “Did he do something then?”

Silence was the only answer he got. Instantly, Defteros started to worry. 

“Aspros, did he do something to hurt you?” his hand lighted on his brother’s shoulder, prepared to pull him back so that he could look into Aspros’ eyes when he answered. Instead, however, Aspros swatted his hand again and huffed. 

“No… not physically.” 

“You think that ‘not physically’ is any better?!” Thanatos, give him the strength to kill this bastard if he did what Victor had done… 

“It’s not important!” Aspros tried to argue, but Defteros wasn’t having it. The younger twin shoved his brother, nearly knocking the unarmored gold saint off the bed. Aspros screeched, “Defteros, what the hell!?” 

“It is important! Tell me what he did!”

Aspros fussed before he sat up. The boys’ short-lived scuffle halted when Aspros looked at Defteros. It was effortless to see the signs of… well, the less Defteros described, the more pride his brother saved. So he willfully ignored the redness that outlined Aspros’ eyes.

“He had a sweetheart,” Aspros turned his eyes away as he said the sentence; a light cringe folded his features a bit as he spoke with a grumble. “And she was away on a family trip when he and I started to ‘hang out’ at night. Of course, he didn’t tell me that until after… Well....” 

Defteros… Slowly nodded at the information. Well… it was certainly better than everything Victor did… but…

“I see,” Defteros nodded again as he turned away to place the comb on the dresser with a calmness that betrayed his inner thoughts. “You sure you don’t want me to meet him? I really don’t mind ripping the balls off of that two-timing--” 

“It’d make everything worse if you met him,” Aspros groaned as he pulled the bedsheets over his shoulders.

“It might,” Defteros shrugged. “But I’d say, I wouldn’t want brats like that to procreate. Imagine the little monsters they’d make….” 

At the younger’s words, Aspros looked at Defteros with a funny look. “...You do know that we’re brats too?” 

“Yeah, but he’s especially a brat. Cheating on two people at once? The dog,” Defteros rolled his eyes as he repositioned himself to sit crisscross on the bed. He rocked side-to-side a little before he cautiously asked, “Do you… want to forget about him?”

 Aspros was silent at the proposal… Defteros was almost sure that he would take the offer, and he already thought of how to replicate that skill again, but his brother sighed and shook his head slowly.

“No,” he said ultimately. “I don’t want to forget this. A lesson for my idiocy.”

“You’re no idiot,” Defteros rushed to defend him. He gave a light pinch to Aspros’ thigh as he countered. “It’s not your fault he took advantage of your interests. If you’re an idiot, so is that girl. If you want to forget about him--” 

“I said no,” Aspros restated a bit firmly; the force of his voice was sharper. “It sounds like you’re offering me drugs. Stop it.”

That made Defteros immediately clamp his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ever do that to you,” the younger brother offered in a whisper, inwardly slapping himself for his inconsiderate pestering. He only wanted to protect his brother from anything that hurt him, and in the end, he nearly became like that man.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

Silence fitted itself between the twins like an unwelcome rift.

This kind of atmosphere always felt terrible. Defteros grew tired of it and snatched Aspros’ wrist and pulled him into a firm hug.

“I’m sorry,” he said again against Aspros’ ear. His brother might not exactly know why he was apologizing, but it didn’t matter. He’ll apologize for every unfortunate thing that befell Aspros just for being in the limelight all of the time. Half of the shit that Aspros goes through should have been a shared burden...

It only reminded him that while, yes, he is his brother’s Shadow, he should still be protecting him. The best the could.

“You’re annoying when you’re hungry,” Aspros joked, his tone was a bit lighter as he seemed to have sensed that Defteros change in attitude. Aspros patted Defteros’ back and forced himself to smile. “How about we just put this behind us for now, okay? We’ll deal with it after dinner.”

“...You know, I’m supposed to be the one that is coaxing you to eat dinner,” Defteros pulled himself away with a pinched expression. Aspros laughed at him. 

“Ah, yes. You were. But it turns out that big brother has to take care of you even when he’s in poor humor.”

“Yeah, but big brother can’t cook anything but basic food, remember?” 

“...h-hey, my food isn’t basic...” 

.

.

.

After dinner, the twins were resting on the bed together. They had overeaten and felt sleepy, so they decided to take a nap together on Aspros’ bed. Defteros loved cuddling, but he wouldn’t ask for it... 

Just before Defteros drifted into the land of sleep, Aspros whispered, “Why do you refuse to tell me about what I forgot?” 

“I told you what happened already. You accidentally took something you weren’t supposed to,” Defteros groaned as he snuggled closer to the warmth of his brother. “If you don’t want to forget anything, then stay away from drugs.”

“You’re lying.” 

He was. Partially. 

But Aspros didn’t say anything more, and soon Aspros was fast asleep. The stress of the day must have caught up to him.

Defteros, on the other hand, lost the string of sleepiness.

#drabble #headcanons #invalid)) #Honestly I'm upset about how I wrote this. It feels all over the place to me #But the situation that happened is a headcanon. #It's just again... Jealousy and Aspros makes me sort of weird. #Yes we can see it especially when it comes to Defteros--but canonically there is no reason for Aspros to be jealous. #I mean... yes there is. Sisyphus. But even then it's very very small. #Or after manipulation--Aspros doesn't feel jealous of Sis he just feels scared and angry(?). But he does cover it all up expertly. #So the only time I could see Aspros being 'jealous' to the point of being unable to hide it is if he's a teenager because teenagers are dumb #sorry teens. You just don't know how to control your emotions properly. : /

[ktheist]

eleven.

chapters:   10 / 11 / 12 

knight!jungkook x princess!reader

x

The seat at the end of the table where the King sits and the one on its left where the Queen sits being empty was not odd. Nor was Taehyung smirking at you when you entered with your maid trailing behind you without your knight. Now that is odd - the lack of Jungkook by your side.

He does that back home but not here. He never once left your side since you came here. His presence has been your beacon of strength through out this ordeal and you thought it would be for a long time coming.

But then, the sun begins to set and night casts it shadows upon the alien kingdom you’ve been forced to call your new home and your knight is still absent. 

“Your highness, may I suggest calling it a night?” The inquiry from Lord Park breaks you out of your reverie and brings you back to the wetness you feel on your smallest finger where the ink has blotched the proposal letter for the King pertaining the negotiations with the mountain people. 

In no time, you jump to your feet, grabbing hold of the napkin you carry around and trying your best to wipe the extra ink away only to make the area of the ink stain worsen and render the words around it unreadable.

“Oh, I’m dearly sorry!”

“I’m sorry, your highness, perhaps I’ve kept you for too long with the wedding barely over and you only beginning to settle in, jumping straight into work would be quite taxing for myself as well.” The noble’s smile is warm and assuring as he gestures for the footman standing by to take away the ink and feather before you tear the poor thing into half.

“It’s... not that.” You fall back into the leather chair with a thump, not understanding why you trust him so much that when he nods for you to continue, you do just that, “Jungkook, I mean, Sir Jeon... my knight, I haven’t seen him all day and it’s quite... odd for him to be missing when he has one job which is to well, protect me.”

“What is it?” You question when he looks like he’s about to say something, only to have him recline with care which is unusual for someone who speaks his mind and still manages to be pick his words wisely.

“I shouldn’t...”

“My lord, we’ve spent hours discussing more urgent matters, I would appreciate some non-political advice for once.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, your highness but he swore his allegiance to the crown and you’re married to Prince Taehyung... wouldn’t that mean, his allegiance falls on your brother, the soon-to-be King of Northern Kingdom?”

“Well, yes.” You try not to show the hurt on your face, “But there would - should - be a notice sent to me by the palace calling him back to his post...”

“A letter did come from the Northern Kingdom a couple days ago and was directed to the Crown Prince right away, maybe he didn’t want to worry you and informed Sir Jeon of his relief from his current post...” Lord Park looks at you meaningfully before shaking his head with a smile which only screams pity, “sometimes, one mistakes another’s rank for his loyalty.”

It takes a good half an hour after Lord Park bids his good night before you gather the strength to stand up and make your way to your bedroom. And even when you’re bathed and ready for bed, there’s a sort of restlessness in your chest that makes you toss and turn in your bed. It can’t be helped that your maid may find the bed empty and unmade at dawn when she comes to prepare you for the day. That is, if you didn’t manage to find your way to your room as you tip-toe down the hall and hide behind a wall when the patrolling guards pass by.

The sneaking out and hiding feels all too familiar except the ground is colder and the scent of roses is replaced with viscous smell of torches.

You’re about to reach the room at the end of the hall where Jungkook described his chambers to be at when you almost bump into a bare chest and a body that’s barely covered by a night robe. If you hadn't looked up to meet a pair of familiar smirking lips, you would have shamelessly gawked at this magnificent sculpture of a man.

“My, my, what do we have here,” he drawls as though he’s found a rabbit who strayed too far from her hole, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were looking for me.”

It takes you half a minute to find your voice and even then, you still curse yourself for sounding less poised than you would like it, “I-uh, I was thirsty and unlike you, I would rather not bother my maid because I know she’d be tired of putting up with my unbearable self the whole day already.”

“Glad that we agree on you being an unbearable wench.” His smirk only grows as though he’s won something.

“By ‘me’, I meant you.” Hands your hips, you forget that you’re donned in nothing but your peignoir and while squaring your shoulders has made you appear bolder, so do your cleavage.

Taehyung’s eyes lingers on your bosom for a brief moment which is enough for your to realize your mistake and immediately cross your arms over your chest. He clears his throat, intent on looking at the torch by your head rather than your face.

“In any case, do summon your maid when you get thirsty or hungry. It’s their job to cater to your unbelievably insatiable stomach.” The insult in his words feels forced as though he doesn’t really mean it but you brush the thought off as you take a brave step forward.

“I know my brother sent me a letter a few days ago.”

“What let-”

“Which he would never and the only explanation is, you’ve been keeping the letters addressed to me to yourself.” His facial expression is getting scrunched up by the second as though he’s completely and utterly lost, oh, but you know better than to believe that, “I know you may have gone through each one just to make sure we’re not planning a secret attack or something but the matter concerning my knight has nothing to do with your kingdom’s security and should be handled by his highness, Prince Seokjin and I!”

“Ah,” a smile curls on his lips at the mention of Jungkook and you can almost see the screws turning in his little head, “it’s always the knight that gets you so worked up, isn’t it?”

His chest brushes against your crossed arms and you try your hardest not to so much as blink in the face of the devil.

“It would be an insult for us to have that scoundrel of a knight walking around in your family emblem when you’re married and devoted to the Southern Kingdom. As though our own knights can’t protect the pretty little princess’ head.” It doesn’t help that he’s taller than you, giving him the advantage to quite literally look down on you with that wretched smirk, “Think of it as a favor I did for you. No knight, no distrust and no nobles to bring up the matter in the next meeting.”

Before you manage to get a word out, the doors to his chambers shut close with a sharp thud. All that’s left is you and your thoughts which at the present, is a jumbled up mess of anger, sadness, distress and confusion. The worse thing is, Jungkook might have left willingly because of you.

x

check out my masterlist for the latest updates!

#jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfics #bts fanfics #bts scenarios #networkbangtan #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts x you #bts x reader #bts imagines #jungkook imagines #knight!jungkook x princess!reader #knight!jungkook #princess!reader

[secretkingdomjellyfish]

Another day, another penny...

Here we are again. Life has become even harder with COVID doing the rounds and offing every poor sod and his granny. I actually thought I had already witnessed or experienced the worst of what humanity had to offer but no, life and society continued to surprise me. From the hypocritical ‘clap for our carers’ movement (The same people who clapped where the same people in the supermarket the next day sneezing on your eyeballs - two meter rule, people!!) to our world leaders and celebrities telling the world ‘we are all in it together’ whilst they lounged in their 20 room mansions. It was all a bit...shallow. Every month is like opening the world’s shittiest advent calender only rather than getting a nice little piece of chocolate behind each window, we get some new unseen horror unleashed on us.

Then came the BLM riots. Another black man was killed by corrupt cops who gave absolutely zero fucks about him or anyone else. People were, entirely and justifiably, angry and the protests began but then something else happened. I had already seen this phenomenon slowly creeping it’s way in with COVID making the rounds but I just put it down to me being bitter and angry at life, therefore my perception of people (I had already set the bar WAAAAAY low) was skewed.

I saw people take advantage of an entire society’s grief. I saw the vultures circle to loot and hate or to share their idiologies of hate and pain and recruit more angry, tired teenagers to do their twisted bidding.

I saw both extremes of the coin take advantage of the situation to spread that same hate and lash out at the other side. ‘Don’t look at us, look at what the other side are doing!’ I heard them cry. ‘The people protesting are just violent thugs, look at them causing all this damage, how else are the police meant to act?!’. ‘It’s not us, we are just so tired of the police taking advantage of us and I REALLY need these new Nikes’.

But then there were the people in the middle. The people who just wanted real change. The people who just wanted the hate, the pain and the injustice to stop. Those people marched and protested and wanted their voices heard. Who were seeing what I and many others were seeing and wanted to restore the balance. Unfortunately they were quickly drowned out by the screeching of the two extremes and it became a game of ‘who could sling the most mud to deflect from their own actions’.

To say I’m sickened is an understatement. I’m embarrassed and I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed to even call myself a human being. My heart is utterly breaking at how broken we really are, how much trauma has been ignored and how easily we are influenced by shiny, new things. How the media continually drives us, like the herd animals we are, to consume, to buy, to hate others that are different to us. To make us think that our little tribe, family, race are the best and everyone else is wrong.

Do me a favour. Find a story. Any major story and then go read/watch/listen to several different news outlets (on both sides of the coin - you know who they are) and see how they report it. I can assure you, it will be like watching a different story altogether. Don’t get me wrong, they all have the very basic facts but they simply cater to their audience. No wonder people think they are right, they are surrounded by others who think the same way. They feel a kinship in a really scary world. The leaders (not the real movements, not the real game changers) take with one had and point with the other.

Plato had it right with his cave anology. Those shadows that the people can see are just that. Shadows. Boogymen. Nothing more than smoke and mirrors. I get that the world is scary, I get that we don’t understand even a fraction of how the world works and I understand so SO well that it feels good to find others who think the same way as you and even if you ‘see the light’ and see the world for what it really is, there are few who will listen to you. Most of us took the blue pill because the truth is just too painful to bear.

However, a new pattern has emerged here. A much more dangerous way of thinking. We just don’t allow ourselves to be wrong, it physically hurts! Everything we do is so emotional today. Everyone just wants to think emotionally rather than taking all of three seconds to think about something logically and rationally.

Society is full of adult toddlers who have a tantrum when they are challenged. Rather than giving them our time, we should be giving them a sippy cup with chocolate milk and a nap. I get it, it feels bloody good to scream and be angry. To blame someone other than yourself or your leaders for the life you have lived. All those missed chances? Not your fault, not your parents or your leaders fault. It was those pesky (insert blameless minority here)

Now I can already hear many of you shouting ‘I hear you lamenting but I don’t hear you coming up with any answers’ but the solution is simple. The implementation is incredibly complex and difficult and (unfortunately I believe it is also impossible but I’m praying I’m wrong) will require everyone to do their part but the answer is so SO simple. Equality.

I don’t mean the bullshit ‘everyone should be treated the same’ that’s not equality. I’m saying EVERYONE should be given the same chances regardless of their race, gender, sexuality, sex, wealth. Instead, the world is incredibly unbalanced and unequal and I have strong feeling that mother nature is about to shift it back into balance because she is a bad bitch who is fed up with us just taking but not giving back.

In my teens I went through a phase (I can hear the sniggering in the back). I found wicca (I can now hear louder sniggering). Now this phase lasted about 6 months and generally involved me wearing a lot of black, buying some coloured candles and generally trying out some cool spells because I could now do motherfucking magic biatches! But, soon enough, it fissled out and I got bored and moved onto something else (mainly the grunge scene - they, just, like...got me, you know?). But, I took one of my very core beliefs away from it. As at the heart of this beautiful religion it was all about balance. Whatever you took, you had to give back and EVERYTHING came back threefold - you had pay the dammed ferryman (you always have to pay eventually and not always in the ways you expect) . So, you sent out good vibes? You got those good vibes magnified right back atcha! Kind of a witchy butterfly effect.

Furthermore (check me out with the academic phrasing..eh? eh?!) many of followers of Wicca believed that their main deity was simply like a multi faceted diamond with many faces and each aspect simply reflected a different religion, deity or belief system and that she was always with them no matter what deity they believed in. (disclaimer - It’s been a long time since I was involved in this so if I’m wrong, please accept my deepest and most sincere apologies) but, again, it kinda made sense to me at the time (and still does). When I first started, it was new, it was different and it gave me purpose but then the glamor kinda got scraped off and I actually had to do some hard work and, being a teenager, I was just not into that.

Now I know many of you are asking ‘what the hell has this got to do with the price of cheese’ but bear with me because the answer is, again, relatively simple.

It’s all about balance. We have taken but not given back for so long. As a society we think that being successful is hoarding as much wealth as possible, drinking champagne and eating caviar whenever we feel like it, occasionally giving a few quid to charity to show that ‘we’re in this together’ because that is what the media have us believe. That it’s the ULTIMATE goal to have your own private jet and generally just whittle your life away doing nothing but pamper yourself.

We think the only way to achieve this is to take it by force. To be ruthless and cutthroat and step on as many heads as we can to get to the top, right?! That’s always been the way it was done!

However, that might have worked for a while but, as a society we have kinda went full circle and are right back at the start - openly rejecting facts and evidence for emotion (well it feels better to believe in x therefore it must be x) and anecdotal evidence (if you crack an egg at the fulll moon whilst hopping on one foot, you will totally get rid of that cancer - it totally worked for a friend of a friend so it must be true).

Right now the world is a giant carnival game and we all know those carnival games are rigged as shit. Step right up, Steeeep right up! Come along, try your luck! Why you look like an amazingly (add appropriate adjective here) individual, I bet YOU could win - not like any of these other chumps. The whole thing is rigged in favour of the wealthy and powerful and, in all honesty, I completely understand. It’s in our very nature.

It’s been so insidiuous and we have been bombarded so much with this message that we now have an entire generation of very broken and exhausted individuals who think that surviving and living are the same thing. News flash. They’re not.

This is why we are in the situation we are in. We have simply been sleep walking and ignoring what is right in front of us. In order to move on, we need to accept some really hard truth and take a long, good look at who we are as both individuals and as a society. Honestly? I don’t think we are ready for that yet the other two options are to continue the way we are going and let mother nature do her thing or simply destroy ourselves in the process. We are quickly running out of options and I REALLY don’t want to be the guy who said ‘I told you so’.

Now before anyone starts with the whole ‘you’re so wrong because (insert appropriate defense here) just stop and think for three seconds. Let that knee jerk reaction go and give it time to sink in. Even read it again if you have the attention span to do so and then think. Is he really wrong? Maybe the truth just hurts.

TL;DR - society is really broken and there’s no easy fix.

#wtf #covid #blm #hardchoice #depression #anxiety #currentaffairs

[geeky-writes]

Pieces of Echoes Chapter 26 Preview

Behind? Catch up on AO3/ FFN 😊

“JARVIS, is Natasha at home?” Steve asked as he opened the notebook, flipping through the well-worn pages.

“Yes, Captain, Agent Romanoff is in her apartment,” JARVIS answered.

“Good. Can you call her, please?”

A few seconds later Natasha’s face filled the monitor, dressed in the clothes she often wore when she danced. She had told Steve a long time ago that ballet was one of her outlets, much like painting was for Steve and building things was for Peter, and he was proud that she had been able to get back into it lately.

“Hey, Cap, what’s up?”

“Um… I was wondering… do you have a few minutes?” Steve asked. He held up the notebook, clearing his throat. “I’m thinking that we need to start some training again, try and get back into… things, but… I’m not—I’m not quite sure if I can… do it alone. At least, not yet, so I was wondering—”

“Steve, it’s okay,” Natasha interrupted, giving him a soft smile. “I can be up there in ten minutes, does that work?”

Steve huffed as he nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

“Don't mention it,” Natasha said. “See you then.”

To pass the time while he waited, Steve padded into the kitchen, preparing two large mugs of the jasmine tea that he knew Natasha enjoyed. For how tired he was coffee would have probably been more useful, but he hadn't yet been able to bring himself to even touch the coffeemaker, ever since—

Well, ever since.

“Agent Romanoff is on her way up, Captain,” JARVIS announced once Steve finished preparing the tea.

“Thanks, JARVIS.”

He had just taken a seat at the kitchen table when Natasha breezed into the room, heading directly for her mug of tea.

“Mmm, jasmine,” she said, blowing on it before taking a small sip. “My favourite.”

“I thought I remembered that,” answered Steve. “I’d offer to make you something more substantial, but I’m afraid—well, I haven’t really been cooking all that much, since—since—”

Well, ever since.

“Steve, it’s okay,” Natasha said quietly. “You don't need to explain yourself to me, I understand.”

Something about the tone of Natasha’s gravelly voice, and the gentle way that she patted Steve’s hand in comfort—much like the way Steve had seen her do so many times for Peter—caused all of Steve’s internal floodgates to open and he suddenly burst into tears. And being the wonderful, kind, and compassionate person that she was, Natasha simply sat with him, occasionally squeezing his hand as he cried himself out over the next several minutes, finally getting up to retrieve some tissues from the nearby bathroom when she was certain that Steve could handle her leaving.

“I’m—I’m so sorry!” he sobbed, blotting at his puffy eyes with a tissue. “I didn't call you up here to watch me cry into my tea, I just—I just—”

“Steve, I said it’s okay,” said Natasha. “It’s not good to keep your emotions in check all the time. I know you're trying your damnedest to be strong for Peter and that’s admirable, but it’s not healthy for you in the long run, and I personally feel that it’s okay for Peter to see that you’re struggling too.” She gave him a rather sheepish grin as she took another sip of her tea. “Or, at least that’s what Sam’s always saying. I know it’s a lot easier said than done sometimes.”

“More like all the time,” Steve muttered, still scrubbing at his eyes. “I just—I just feel like I should be able to get past this agony at least a little, you know? I mean, I've lost people before, during the war, but—it still hurts so much that sometimes I can’t even breathe—like the very air itself is trying to choke me, and—”

“Steve, this was your husband,” Natasha said. “And it’s only been three months, I’d honestly be worried about you if I thought you were moving on already. You're a widower and a single dad now, it’s gonna take time for you to adjust to that. And that’s completely understandable.”

Fresh tears welled in Steve's eyes, and he shook his head. “I don't know if I’ll ever adjust to it,” he admitted. “I mean, I drag myself out of nightmares each morning—if I even sleep at all—and find that there’s no relief in waking. And I’m trying—I’m trying to do what I keep telling myself that I need to do, but I just—I just don't know how. And poor Peter, he never really stopped having his nightmares, even before—but lately they’ve gotten so much worse again, and I just don't know how to help him. I mean, just the other night he woke up screaming like he was being attacked, and I ran into his room to find him scratching and picking at his arm. And when I asked him about it, he told me that he’d been dreaming he was back in the cave and hooked up to some kind of medicine drip that was making him see things.”

“Oh my God, the poor kid!” Natasha exclaimed. “That’s horrible!”

“Yeah, it really was,” Steve agreed. He curled his hands around his mug, feeling the heat burning into his palms. “And the whole time I was trying to comfort him, he kept repeating, ‘it’s not real, Papa, it’s not real. Uncle Bucky says that I need to wake up’. Almost as if he knew it was a dream, but he couldn't quite figure out how to get out of it.”

“Uncle Bucky?” Natasha asked, confused. “He doesn’t mean Barnes, does he?”

“I guess, I don’t know who else he would mean,” Steve said sadly. “But I think it’s a bit of a stretch for Peter to be calling him ‘Uncle’ when Bucky tried to punch him in the head the only time that he saw him.”

“Yeah, you’re right, that doesn’t make much sense,” murmured Natasha. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been.”

“Yeah, it was pretty awful,” Steve said, shuddering. “I was just glad that he didn’t manage to break the skin on his arm, but he was so scared and confused—” He paused, looking intently at Natasha. “And I haven’t told anyone else this. Peter asked me not to, I think he was embarrassed, so if you don’t mind—”

“Of course, you don't need to worry about that,” Natasha assured him. “I’m just sorry you had to go through it alone.”

Steve hung his head, sniffing. “I just feel so useless, because I can’t seem to help him like I should. I’m his father, but… I just can’t seem to plan my way out of this. I can’t seem to figure it out.”

Natasha was quiet for a moment. “Sometimes there just isn't a plan, Steve. Sometimes, and I know you're good at this because I’ve seen it, sometimes you just need to rely on your instincts. And that’s okay.”

Steve ran his fingertip around the rim of his mug, contemplating Natasha’s words. His Army superiors had always taught him to trust his instincts, and he had passed along that knowledge to both the Avengers and to Peter. But Steve was a master strategist; he always had been, even before the serum, and it was so hard for him to admit that there were just some things that he couldn't strategise his way out of.

“Where’d you get to be so knowledgeable about this stuff?” he asked, trying to smile. “I doubt that they taught very many classes on compassion in the Red Room.”

“No, no, they absolutely did not,” Natasha said with wide eyes. “Compassion was considered worse than a four-letter word in the Red Room.” She paused to take a sip of her tea, setting the mug down carefully. “I actually learned it from you guys. Well, maybe a bit from Fury and SHIELD, but mainly from you guys, ‘cause you know, it’s Fury.”

“Ah yes, I think I understand,” Steve said, his smile widening ever-so-slightly.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do,” Natasha said with a smirk. “So, I pretty much came from nothing, and then I was trained to be a ghost from the time I was old enough to write my name. Just an assassin, mindlessly following orders. I didn't understand what it was like to have real friends, to have… a family, until I got to the Avengers. You guys became my family, and I—I’m so much better now because of it. Better than I ever thought I was capable of being.”

“And we’re better for it too, Nat,” Steve managed through his tight throat. “All of us are, and so was Tony.”

Natasha gave him a wink as she drained the rest of her mug. “Well, I’m sure Tony had his moments. Now, you mentioned something about starting up some training sessions?”

Taking the hint, Steve opened his notebook to a fresh page. “All right, let’s get to work.”

They ended up spending the next three hours planning out training exercises, both for the individuals and the team as a whole, with Steve making sure to include some exercises for Peter as well. He had begun joining the rest of the team on some of their training sessions right before—well, right before—and had proved himself to be quite adept at meshing right in, so adept that while Steve was in no way ready to call his young teenage son an official Avenger, he at least knew that Peter could definitely hold his own if it ever became necessary.

“Well, I think we got a lot accomplished this afternoon,” Natasha said once they were done, absentmindedly chewing on a pizza crust left over from their hastily ordered lunch. “This is a great start, Steve.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Steve said. He got to his feet, gathering up the pizza box and the empty drink glasses. “Thank you, Nat.”

Natasha gave him a smile as she patted his arm. “You're welcome. And don't forget, it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. You're not in this alone.”

“I know,” answered Steve as he let out a heavy sigh. “I think I just tend to forget that sometimes. I mean, I know our jobs are more dangerous than most, I guess I just never thought—” He broke off, not wanting the tears to start flowing again, he’d already taken enough advantage of Natasha’s patience and sympathy. “I just never thought that—”

“Steve, it’s okay,” said Natasha. “I’m not sure any of us ever thought all that much about it. Tony was… always so full of life, it just doesn't make sense.”

“Yeah, he was,” Steve said. Right up until the second he wasn’t.

“Okay, so we’ll start this schedule next week, then?” asked Natasha.

Steve gave a nod. “Yep, on Monday. Right after I take Peter to school.”

“All right. I guess I’ll see you then, if not before.”

Steve walked Natasha to the elevator, not exactly feeling what he would call “light”, but definitely better than he had been that morning. Unfortunately, almost as soon as the doors closed behind Natasha the heavy sadness he had managed to push aside during their work came roaring back with a vengeance, nearly bowling Steve over with its intensity.

He could plan all the Avengers’ training sessions that he wanted, but it still didn't change the fact that the team was now one member down.

And in Steve’s eyes, they were down the most important member. Tony had always been what Steve liked to call the heart of the Avengers, and he still had no idea how in the world they were going to survive without their heart.

No one can live without a heart, Steve thought miserably as he made his way back towards his bedroom. Especially not me.

Stepping inside the bedroom, Steve’s eyes were immediately drawn to the huge painting hung on the wall above the bed, the painting he had presented to Tony as a wedding gift. Tears stung Steve’s sore eyes as he remembered that wonderful day spent at Coney Island, how happy and full of life they all had been, he, Tony, and Peter, celebrating Peter’s birthday.

What a razor-sharp contrast to the misery he was in now.

“JARVIS, is Peter doing okay?” he asked.

“Master Peter’s vital signs are within his normal parameters, Captain,” answered JARVIS. “He is currently attending his chemistry class.”

Well, at least there’s that.

“All right, thank you.”

“You are most welcome, Captain.”

Suddenly exhausted, Steve picked up the arc reactor and collapsed onto the chair, pressing the reactor to his chest and closing his eyes. He had about ninety minutes before he had to pick Peter up from school, so… may as well see if he could catch up on some sleep, even if he never seemed to like what he saw while there.

But as he felt his exhausted body sinking slowly towards unconsciousness, even more disturbing thoughts flitted across Steve’s mind. That nightmare of Peter’s that he’d described to Natasha had occurred only two nights ago. It hadn't happened again since then, and Peter had begged Steve not to tell Sam about it, but Steve couldn't help but be worried. As bad as Peter’s nightmares were it wasn’t normal for him to try and hurt himself during one, and Steve was now living in near-constant fear that it would happen again. And with Peter’s strength still increasing as he grew, Steve was also afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop him.

Not to mention the fact that Peter was suddenly claiming a connection with Bucky, of all people. The last time Steve had seen Bucky he’d been barely coherent, holed up in his padded room at the mental hospital where he’d been living ever since he took a swing at Peter. Tony had insisted that Bucky be removed from the Tower immediately, and Steve had relented, not wanting to risk Peter’s safety again.

There was no way Bucky could have been communicating with Peter when he couldn’t even take care of himself.

I need to get Peter some help, Steve thought miserably. I can’t do this alone. Not anymore.

The absolute last thing that Peter needed, was for Steve to fail him again.

The full chapter will post on Monday, July 29th 😊

#pieces of echoes #superfamily #superhusbands #iron dad and spider son #stony #superfamily fanfiction #iron dad fanfiction #stony fanfiction #tony stark #peter parker #steve rogers #iron man #spider man #captain america #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes #sam wilson #avengers family #marvel fanfiction #chapter 26 preview #geeky writes

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Depicting Black Characters:  A Writer’s Masterpost

I’m often asked for tips on how to respectfully depict Black people, or how to write from their point of view.  Because something about my marshmallow complexion evidently screams that I’m a jackpot of insider information on Black culture.

However, I appreciate that my followers want to learn -- that’s something we all need to do!  So I decided the time has come to compile a masterpost on sources from real Black people, so you can get your information right from the source.

More to come, and happy writing!

Literature

25 Amazing Books by African-American Writers

10 Must-Read Books by Iconic Black Authors

12 Unputdownable Books by Black Authors

15 Black Writers We Should All be Reading

Websites

Black Enterprise  -- a website for Black entrepreneurship.  

For Harriet -- an online community celebrating Black women through history and storytelling.

Tea & Breakfast -- a Black-focused website bringing you the latest in news and entertainment. 

Ebony -- a highly respected resource for Black news, entertainment, and lifestyle content.

Clutch Magazine -- a mixture of news and editorial pieces.  

Racism

7 Things Black People Want Their Well-Meaning White Friends to Know

100 Ways White People Can Make Life Less Frustrating For People of Color

This is What it Feels Like to be Black in White Spaces

Growing Up Black in America

Blogs

@writingwithcolor 

@vintageblackglamour 

@ofanotherfashion 

@blackhistoryeveryday

@blackwomenworldhistory

@ukblackhistory

@blackhistoryseries

@blackhistoryarthistory-blog

Tips From Followers

I’m inviting all my Black followers to offer tips on authentic, respectful depictions of Black characters and culture.  If you have something you’d like non-Black authors to know, please message me and chime in!

Anonymous said:

I'm mixed race- black and white, and I think its important to mention the cultural closeness; a lot of black mothers are very overprotective, and restricting. Hair is important. A lot of my childhood memories had to do with my mom braiding my hair, or straightening it.

Anonymous said:

Here’s a bit too much information about me, which I’d very much appreciate if you kept anonymous: I am an Afro Latina, my grandma moved from Honduras to Ny when she was 15 and so my entire dad’s half of the family speaks Spanish (except me and my cousins lol). They’re all dark-medium skin like me, so when they speak Spanish it tends to surprise ppl, but they take pride in that. My dad grew up in Harlem during the crack epidemic and he saw a lot of people die, including his cousin who was shot in the head in front of him when he was about 8. He has a lot of unchecked mental problems bc of this and tends to lash out when he’s frustrated, tired, or guilty. His dad was also a rolling stone and unsupportive, so my dad tries very hard to be a better, more supportive father for better or worse. 

 My father met my mother when they were in college through a mutual friend. They were together for a year before they had me. They never got married. My mother’s family is what we’d call a bit bougie, so they didn’t take too kindly to this. They never outright disowned her, but a lot of the time they treat her like a black sheep. They’re a very “whisper-behind-your-back, never-confront-until-ur-drunk at-the-family-reunion” family. My mom and dad were together on and off for 23 years. Whenever my dad hurt my mom (never physically but still) and she had the means to, she would take me in the middle of the night and run to a shelter or friend. This happened about 5 times, each time my mother came back after about a half a year. 

 I have anxiety depression and add but great empathy, so a lot of the time I can understand what people are feeling but not why (basically I have no self awareness). I am an English senior that lives on tumblr. I am also very reserved but I’d like think I’m kind, if a tad childish. I love rpgs, marvel, and making characters but I have perpetual writers block. I also draw all over my notebooks. I’m not good with my hair though (an offense) and I used to be called an Oreo (white on the inside) in school, but I’m really just have always been a huge nerd. 

I also have a baby brother who I love and pick on constantly even if I’m at a dorm. I’m very protective over him and we’re nine years apart so I tend to feel equal parts caretaker and big sister. I am very close to my family, especially my mom, who I talk to almost every day. I am always tired, sometimes to the point of not eating at all, even as I write this I am in bed. However, I love shopping and walking to seven different stores around town, even just to window shop, is how I spend some days off. Like my mom’s half, I’m pretty non-confrontational, but I’m quiet and don’t like to gossip, so my friends and family tend to confide in me a lot. But I’m pretty closed off, so I don’t tend to share myself. I am bisexual but I don’t want to talk about that, bc I’m still not sure. I don’t like to touch people or have people touch me unless I’m close to them.   

 My half sister is also bisexual, as well as a preschool teacher and a single mom with two adorable girls. I don’t get to see them often bc we always lived in different states. She is a very sweet lady but is very no nonsense, and will be the first to step up if someone’s in trouble. I also have a half brother, who is mildly autistic. We live in different states too, but I never see him because my father didn’t treat him right when we were younger, bc he was “soft”. He is currently living with his mom and writing a GOT-esque epic, which he is excited to tell people about.

@trappedinfairytales said:

A Writing Account From a POC

Loving to read is a bit of a double edged sword. I love the stories, the worlds they depict, and most of all, the characters. But sometimes, I find myself disappointed that most of my favorite characters in my favorite novels are not POC (person/people of color). And if they are, they are depicted as stereotypes. And as a POC and a writer, there are ways to change that. Here are a few tips.

POC are FRIENDS, not FOOD

Now I love chocolate. I love coffee. However, if I read someone describing my skin color as the color of a cappuccino, I wouldn’t be to thrilled. Saying, “Her skin was like sweet milk chocolate, the kind you remember begging your mom for through a candy store window.” I imagine would be the equivalent of saying, “Her skin was so milky white, I could imagine dipping an oreo into it.” Ew.

Not all African Americans live in the poorest part of the city

Not all African Americans are poor and underprivileged. Some of us have gone to private schools, have parents with well off jobs, and live pretty comfortably. That being said, that is not the case for all of us. So if you want to depict your character that way, just make sure you do it respectfully, and not in a way that you would cringe reading at it you were in their place.

Don’t take advantage of our history 

African American history is filled with hatred and oppression. That does NOT MEAN THAT IT CAN BE EXPLOITED FOR A STORY. By all means, mention how awful it was, but do not use it to make other characters and or readers feel sorry for your character. We may want you to feel sorry, but more than anything we want you to understand that what happened was horrible and that it isn’t okay to use it any way you want.

So, yeah. Just respect POC. Even though you probably can’t imagine being in our position, be sympathetic, the same way you would want to be treated if you were being stereotyped.

If you have any other questions about depicting POC’s and want to ask a writer who is POC, I’m happy to help! @trappedinfairytales

#masterpost #writing masterpost #long post for ts #writing tips #writing resources #black people #black culture #black characters #people of color #writing blogs #books #reading #black history #history #authors #reading lists #abuse mention for ts

[nightblogofficialbook]

Chapter Fifteen

Also available to read at Tapas.io!

When I couldn’t stand the cold anymore I went back inside, flipped on the TV, and attempted to figure out how to navigate the channels. It was a satellite connection, with hundreds of programs of every kind of genre, and I had never used one before. There was also one in the dorms, but I had left the controls to the others.

I settled on a documentary of some sort that seemed just interesting enough to keep my mind from wandering too much, and sat down on the couch. The shadows around the room began to grow longer. Daylight had grown shorter with winter in its wake, but it was surely well past noon now. I fidgeted, worried. Zain had said he’d be back around noon...did something happen? I felt for that pulling sensation that always alerted me of his direction, and on the theory of a whim I imagined following it, reaching out along it. I closed my eyes for good measure, letting the volume of the program drown out into background noise.

Assuming this was working, it didn’t feel very far. As I reached closer to him, though the pull didn’t change in intensity, I could feel something increase. There was irritation, and anxiety. It was very familiar. A heated argument was happening, and I felt very strongly that I needed to convince someone of something. I felt kind of silly, wondering if I’m really just pretending, as this is what I’d expect to feel from Zain given how the council treats him. But then the feeling changed, like a sudden startlement, and with the sensation of amusement he reached back. There was a gentle snap, almost like I was being told to go back, and I opened my eyes and felt a little strange. There was a weird tingling on my brow, like Zain had been here himself and flicked me in the forehead.

I rubbed the feeling away, feeling at least comforted in knowing he’s just still in that meeting.

It was almost sunset and my stomach had gone through the stages of hungry to fine to sleepy. I had just started dozing off when I heard the door click and swing open. I looked over hopefully.

Zain lumbered in, looking terribly exhausted. His eyes were vaguely unfocused as he closed the door behind him. I swallowed, unable to get any feeling from his current demeanor.

“How did--?” I began to ask as he stumbled over to the couch I was sitting in, and was cut off as he suddenly flopped downward onto it, his head landing in my lap. “Zain, what the--?!”

“Just stay,” he said with a sigh as all tension seemed to release from his body, and my heart climbed into my throat. “Just let me stay like this for a moment.”

His head was heavy on my thighs as a strange giddiness replaced where my heart left my chest. Zain almost seemed to just melt into the couch like a cat while I sat silently, too shocked to even know what to think. He grabbed my arm and took a small bite, drinking for a few seconds before closing the wound and letting my arm go. My head started to unfuzz.

“Wh-what are you-?” I started again when my throat unstuck, but then realized he had promptly fell asleep.

I sat there dumbfounded, marveling at the situation I was in and wondering if I wasn’t still in a dream. Zain’s body rose and fell gently with his breathing, his eyes closed, his face still in my lap. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know how to think. I tried not to think about how strangely elated I felt. My head was instead full of confusion and hope and uncertainty.

He’s just tired, I reasoned with myself after calming down enough to carefully put my walls up. He’s just tired, and needed sleep. And maybe a little bit of comfort and intimacy. This felt a little too intimate to me, but maybe he needed it. Like how sometimes I need a hug.

But then why didn’t he go to Victoria? a small, mutinous voice chimed in from the back of my mind. As far as I was still aware, they were still an item. I hadn’t really seen them together much, but that could simply be because I was actively trying to ignore them in order to avoid the stupid pangs of jealousy. But…she would have gladly given him this comfort, and then some I’m sure. Why did he come back to me? And why do I care?

It must just be because of my blood, I thought bitterly. I’m his Bride, after all. Or maybe it’s because being near me makes him feel stronger, so he would feel more secure. Victoria would be all the way across the castle, and, as big a jerk he can be, I don’t think he’d be horrible enough to bring her here while I was here. And why would I even care? These feelings aren’t real. I need to get this under control.

The shadows continued to grow longer until they filled the room with darkness. I hadn’t gotten around to turning on any lights before he came back so all that lit up was what the TV had provided. The documentary had turned into a cooking show, something about a British guy going around and angrily fixing up horrible restaurants. I thought about waking Zain so I could turn on a light at least, feeling weird now that I had gotten used to the weight in my lap,  but that mutinous voice refused. He looked so relaxed, it almost seemed a crime to move. So instead I was stuck. Pasta was begin cooked on the show, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten yet since breakfast. My stomach growled very loudly.

“Shoot,” Zain murmured and stirred, lifting his head off my lap and making my heart pound into my throat again. “I’m sorry Helen, I forgot…” He sat up and stretched, looking groggy and slightly embarrassed. There were crease marks from the fabric of my pajamas on his face, and his hair was pressed against his cheek from laying on it.

“About time you woke up,” I said, looking away and trying to hide my thoughts. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw his face tinge pink.

“You didn’t have to let me lay there,” he tried to accuse back.

“Last time I woke you up you nearly knocked me out,” I said flatly, and he gave a hesitant laugh.

“Sorry it got so late,” he apologized again, changing the subject. “You must be hungry, I’ll go get you some food.”

Soon as he came back my stomach became ravenous. I ate silently, trying to take advantage of feeling hungry this time to eat as much as I could. He waited patiently for me to finish.

“An official search for Wendy has been called, as well as an investigation into your friends’ memories.” He seemed much more relieved now than when he left this morning. “We’re finally making progress…”

“But they still don’t think it’s a conspiracy on your life?”

He shook his head.

We sat there talking more about the results of the meeting, Zain complaining with me about how dumb it was that they think he’s too young to be actively targeted yet. His relief was contagious, and eventually it seemed like the tension that been surrounding us for the past week began to lift a little. It wasn’t much, but he was right; the fact that they’re taking action now was at least a step forward. I just hope it’ll be enough.

The subject of the ball came up and I immediately wanted to divert attention from it. I was not looking forward to it at all. Dmitri’s extra lessons had been helping me catch up significantly (and without Zain knowing, he’s under the impression that Dmitri will be controlling my motions for the first dance of the night), but it was still a very large pompous social gathering I wanted nothing to do with. Zain, however, felt irritated that I didn’t think it was important to talk about.

“You do realize it’s not just our residences that will be attending this year?” he said as it felt like an ice cube was dropped into my stomach. “The other family leaders are coming to meet my new Bride, in addition to the witches and other creatures from around the world. Like it or not you’re going to be representing me, and it would boast pretty poor confidence if my Bride didn’t know how to conduct themselves.”

“Why can’t you just make Victoria do all of this?” I grumbled.

“Because Victoria isn’t my Bride,” he said with thinning patience.

And who’s fault is that? I thought bitterly before I could stop myself.

Zain visibly bristled and his red eyes turned a shade bolder. “Regardless,” he said through gritted teeth, “it would be a lie to pretend Victoria is my Bride, not to mention unfair to her. I don’t like to lie if I don’t have to.”

“You don’t seem to mind lying to half the castle,” I accused unfairly.

Zain sighed instead of bristling this time. “Helen,” he said, exasperated. “Do we need to talk about this another time?”

I simply grumbled in response.

He ran a hand stressfully down his face with a groan. “All you need to know is that we open the dance, I’ll be introducing you to a lot of people, and you’ll be free to go embarrass yourself elsewhere. As long as you behave yourself until then there’s nothing else involved. There will be plenty of food too.”

I knew I was being childish, I didn’t really know why I was suddenly being so difficult. I felt tired, like I hadn’t had a day’s rest for weeks. I really wanted to go swimming.

It almost felt insulting that after that, my days were expected to return to normal. Zain asked that I not venture outdoors anymore, which after two way too close calls, I was happy to oblige. If it weren’t for the amount emotion that’s been involved I would have thought it a conspiracy to scare me into not trying to escape, because I didn’t want to go anywhere near the woods. I became extra paranoid about everyone I encountered, questioning the reasons behind every pair of red eyes. I decided not to question my friends about Wendy, though I wanted to try and jog their memory. Zain had suggested that it might be better if I don’t draw attention to it, that wherever she might be hidden would end up changing if it seemed like it would be revealed. I felt guilty, as it didn’t seem too hard not to bring it up. Wendy never had that much of a presence, she was like a quiet shadow. But now that I’ve noticed she’s gone, it didn’t feel normal at all.

With the days drawing closer to the Solstice everyone was growing more excited. Alice and Suzanne decided to take me shopping to pick out a dress, since I had been putting it off in hopes that the ball would be canceled. Everyone who wanted to attend turned in their RSVPs that were handed out while I was locked in Zain’s room; I didn’t need one since I had to go anyway. Suzanne and Alice were going with themselves, hoping to meet someone while they were at the party. Claire was going solo (though technically with Jason for the sake of his pride) and Rose with Mike.

Before I knew it the day had arrived. I sat in front of a huge dressing room mirror and a table full of products I had no clue how to use. I had been so focused on making sure that first dance would be successful that I forgot that I’d need to dress up. I’ve never dressed up for anything in my life. I could hear murmurs echoing outside and down the hall from this room, people arriving early with excitement. My stomach sank rapidly.

A light tap on the door startled me. “Come in,” my voice squeaked.

“Good evening Helen,” Dmitri called cheerily as he walked in. He was dressed in a handsome, dark blue, gothic style fitted suit. “I just came to check...you’re not dressed yet?”

I groaned. “I don’t know what to do, Dmitri! I’ve never done this before, I don’t even know where to start, I--!”

He cut me off, smiling. “Well, it’s a good thing I brought a little surprise for you then. Perhaps they can help.”

He stepped aside and my friends came in, their face bright and excited.

“Hey Helen!”

I nearly cried with relief. “You guys…!” Even though I literally just saw them a couple days ago, it felt like ages.

Suzanne seemed to laugh at my lack of progress. “You haven’t even started?”

“She’s helpless without us,” Claire teased.

“I was helpless before you guys,” I said, scooting the chair so that Suzanne and her sister could go to work on my face while Rose worked on my hair. Dmitri quietly excused himself.

“Nothing too flashy, I think simplicity works best for you,” Suzanne murmured almost to herself.

“What do you think, flowers or gems?” Rose asked.

“Flowers definitely, the wine red ones. It’ll match his suit.”

I closed my eyes and let them work, so very thankful I didn’t need to give input. Suzanne always looked so pretty and put together, I could trust her judgement. About an hour later they were finished and ready to head out while I changed into my dress. Claire gave me tips for putting it on without messing up anything, and then they headed out to meet their respective dates.

After somehow successfully climbing into my dress I examined myself in the mirror, nervous beyond belief. My transformation was amazing, the subtle makeup bringing out an elegant shape to my face, the smokey eyes and a hint of eyeliner made my eyes look bright and attractive. My ordinary brown hair almost seemed to shimmer with vibrancy, dark red flowers woven into a chain and through my hair. The dress was silky and, in my opinion, quite practical as far as movement was concerned. It was simple, elegant, and flowy, reaching all the way to my feet but hovering just off the ground so I wouldn’t step on it and trip. It was a sleeveless open back type that tied around my neck, and black with a very deep red tint that was only noticeable in the outline of my profile, creating a shimmering effect when I moved. I really like this dress.

I stopped being vain and took a breath, walking out the door. It would just be a short walk down this hall, then around the corner to the grand staircase.

The staircase. I forgot. I’m going to have to walk down stairs in heels.

Why did I let them buy me heels.

At least they’re wedges, I told myself. More surface area means less likely to fall. And you’ve practiced in them, you’re ready to mother-lovin’ dance in them. You can do this. I know you can.

I stopped just short of the corner and hunched over against the wall, hugging myself. I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this, why do I have to do this…? Everyone is going to be staring, this ball is essentially a celebration to see me, the chosen Bride of the Aros family heir. That’s the whole reason I have to walk down a grand freakin’ staircase by myself, instead of discreetly with my friends. I’m going to fall, everyone is going to laugh, Zain is either going to sneer or be embarrassed for me, or both, and I’d never hear the end of it.

A tiny spark of determination lit up inside me, fueled by spite. I bet he’s expecting me to fail, to make a fool of myself. I bet he’s just hoping I’ll want to do the bare minimum and quietly disappear. I stood up. We’ll see who outshines who tonight. He doesn’t even know I’ve been practicing. Before this new courage could disappear I turned the corner and strutted towards the stairs with my head held high.

Soon as I took that first step I was met with golden light; the marble had been polished to a sheen, streamers and banners adorned the ceiling and walls between chandeliers who’s candles were lit and casting a warm light down below. Golden vases adorned with beautiful christmas-time flowers and plants were skillfully scattered around the hall, and soft floating balls of light drifted and flitted about like fairies. I’ll bet anything they actually ARE fairies.

No one had noticed me yet, thankfully, as I had stopped in awe at the grandiose-ness of the dance hall. A small orchestra of about thirty players were roped off in the corner, playing a very light and non-intrusive piece. The staircase had a second level landing area, where Zain stood waiting and watching the crowd idly, and then one more set of stairs until the floor. Good, maybe I can reach him before someone notices, and maybe I won’t trip in the meantime.

Of course it was wishful thinking. Soon as I took the first step down it seemed to cause a domino effect. One by one the attendees of the ball turned their eyes towards me until all were watching with excited murmurs of anticipation. My chest caught as I nervously tried to keep my focus on Zain, and to stay focused on where my feet were going. If I can just reach Zain everything will be fine…

Though that, too, was proving to be a dangerous distraction. Zain looked amazing, instead of the normal formal military-style suit he wore something a little more casual, very much like the attire he wore that first night I met him. His hair was tamed up and looked as soft as ever, with almost an extra sheen of bronze due to the way the lights were bouncing around. He was very attractive, that fact making worse the thought that I would be attending this party at his arm.

I had made it halfway down the first set of stairs by this point, and, piqued by the turned gazes, Zain turned towards me. For a moment, everything seemed to fade away and almost stop as I watched his expression transform. It started with very slight annoyance, as I was sure he probably felt I procrastinated for far too long (even though officially the dance isn’t slated to start for another 10 minutes), and slowly his eyes widen in surprise, until he simply looked astonished, maybe even awestruck. The red color in his eyes faded into that galaxy green.

I dropped my gaze and focused on my feet, my face feeling hot.

Once I reached the rest of the way without falling I looked back up bashfully. His eyes hadn’t changed back; they were still green. A strange fluttering began filling my stomach. Zain gave a slight bow, holding his hand out for mine. He took it with a gentle kiss, sending my heart so far up my throat it may as well have replaced it.

Applause broke the bubble of my fantasy and I remembered where we were. I flushed again, kicking myself for getting caught up in the moment. It was just a formality, an act. I’m being presented, I need to look and act royal, and Zain to react accordingly. That’s all it was.

He guided me carefully the rest of the way down the stairs and the party seemed to resume. Some guests came over excitedly, taking turns to congratulate the both of us as if this were a wedding reception. I flushed every time someone addressed me, and was glad Zain already had answers at the ready for every question to come up. Zain introduced me to some important vampire figures in our castle, including official introductions to the Council of Vampires. And then I was introduced to the heads of the other twelve vampires clans and their Brides. My heart was still so filled with anxiety that their names flew right over me, the only one I could remember for sure was a female leader with short blue hair whose name apparently was Sky. I did notice, though, each one seemed to hold a strange, subtle expression of contempt.

“Helen,” I heard Zain murmur after a few more introductions flew past me in a haze. I looked up.

“What?”

“Relax.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. Nothing’s going to happen. This is a party; everyone’s here to have fun.

I swallowed and nodded. He was right, but that wasn’t all I was worried about. The worst part of the night had yet to come.

We mingled with the crowd a bit more, and I had just spotted my friends when there was a fade out in the music, the cue for the dance to begin. It felt like a rod of ice had taken residence all the way down my throat to my stomach. It was time.

Zain led the way through the crowd where the center floor was emptying away in hushed anticipation. He took a bow much like the one he greeted me with, and I curtsied this time reflexively. As Zain took my hand and my waist I heard his voice in my head, assuaging me.

Don’t worry, Dmitri will be standing by to help.

I nodded, knowing full well that Dmitri was going to let me do this on my own. Zain’s face grew puzzled, but before he could question the music began.

My feet moved automatically with the music, matching Zain’s pace step-by-step as he led me into the motions I had been practicing voraciously for the past couple weeks. One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, turn. Zain’s expression slowly grew impressed as he began to realize I was doing it of my own capacity.

“You’ve been practicing,” Zain murmured. I felt a little smug hearing his surprise.

“Maybe I’ve just had a hidden talent,” I responded slyly, and immediately regretted it soon as I saw his face light up with mischief.

“Let’s test that then shall we?” he smirked, and swapped grips suddenly, leading me left handed.

I stumbled only for a moment, suddenly afraid for my ankles and thanking whatever forces out there exist that I had learned how to follow a lead. He switched up movements suddenly, again, somehow keeping with the rhythm of the song, then spun me around back into the normal steps.

“Don’t do that!” I hissed quietly, feeling a little out of breath. He chuckled, looking pleasantly amused. For nearly the rest of the dance he continued to throw me off, testing me. It was a declaration of war, and I wasn’t about to let him win. At some point the rest of the crowd was encouraged to join the floor, but we were caught up in our own silent battle. Zain skillfully led us through the crowds, avoiding collision with any other dancers. I heard the music began to to swell, the big finish was coming up. He flung me out at arms length, I was to go into a spin and then come back into a close position. But instead, as I came back, Zain had put his foot out, catching mine as I spun and fell backwards in alarm. He caught me with ease into an intentional dip as the music finished. He grinned, looking proud of himself for the apparent prank, as we both tried to catch our breaths. I couldn’t help smiling as well, despite feeling frustrated by how much more complicated he made things. As much as I didn’t want to admit it...that was fun.

“Helen!” The girls gathered around me after I made my way out of the crowd in order to avoid another dance. It was part of the deal, after the first dance I wouldn’t have to do any other performances tonight. I was still breathless and grinning as Alice and Rose caught me in a hug.

“You’ve been holding out on us!” Claire accused. “That was as cool as watching Victoria dance!”

“I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself,” I laughed. “Trust me, that’s the last time I’m ever doing it. That was way too much work.”

“You did splendid,” spoke a voice, and Dmitri made his way over, an abundance of pride in his eyes. “Well done Helen! I thought I might have to assist when I saw Lord Zain testing you, but you managed wonderfully!”

“It’s all thanks to you,” I smiled back. “Really, thank you so much, without those extra lesson I couldn’t have done it by myself.”

He gave me a sly wink. “I knew you had it in you all along. It just needed some motivational persuasion to bring it out. Now,” he suddenly addressed Rose, who gave a start. “I believe I owe a certain lady a dance?” He gave a bow and asked for her hand. “You earned top marks this year, you’re improvement deserves showing off. May I?”

Rose sputtered her answer as her face slowly turned bright red, and gave an excitedly happy look back at us as he led her onto the dance floor. Claire wolf-whistled and the twins cheered for her, beaming. I grinned as well, feeling really happy for her.

“Mayhaps there in romance in her future,” Claire pondered comically, and broke into a grin. “She turns twenty this January, she'd be optimal age for Bride candidacy.”

I gave a start. “Wait what? She’s that old??”

Alice gave me an indignant look and Claire snickered.

“Yeah, didn’t you know? She’s the adult of our dorm, the one in charge.”

“Well, I figured that, I just thought she was closer to our ages…” With a start I realized...I never did ask how old they were.

“I’m sixteen,” Claire offered, as if reading my mind. “I’ll be seventeen next February.”

“We’re seventeen,” the twins said in unison.

I flushed, feeling embarrassed for not even knowing my friends’ ages.

“C’mon, come check out the food bar!” Claire linked my arm in hers. “You haven’t had a chance yet have you?”

We raided the table spread full of tarts and cakes and small sandwiches, finding to our delight there was no limit to how many portions we could stuff ourselves with. It seemed as the night went on the brighter the halls became, and more relaxed and fun the atmosphere was. I let Suzanne show off her handiwork, dragging me around to curious observers while talking their ears off with beauty tips and methods. Both Jason and Mike asked me for a dance, which I politely declined, explaining that my performance before was a one time thing I had no amount of energy to duplicate, to which they seemed to understand, though disappointment still lingered in their eyes. Rose came back from her dance for a breather as the two boys took the twins out to the floor. Claire started teasing her relentlessly, which she took in stride. I offered to get everyone drinks, feeling thirsty myself, and headed back to the buffet tables.

I took advantage of my trip to the drink station to breathe, glad to have a moment to myself. There was so much social energy going on I was beginning to feel pretty exhausted, though not quite to the extent of wanting to leave. I had received a few more requests to dance from guests I didn’t know along the way, and was glad to have a shorter excuse to decline. There were a lot of drinks to choose from, from juices to soda to wines and spirits(the latter being watched over very carefully). I glanced along the table, trying to decide what I should get.

“Don’t do the punch,” spoke a voice behind me, causing me to nearly fall into the table.

“Jeez!” I exclaimed while Zain snickered. “Do you really have to keep sneaking up on me like that?”

“You’re reactions are priceless,” he said slyly, leaning against the table next to me.

I eyed him for a moment. “...what’s wrong with the punch?”

“It’s not for human consumption, to put it simply,” he said, taking a sip of his wine glass. “Not that you’d be allowed to make that mistake, I just wanted to startle you.” His eyes, still bright green and almost joyous, fell on me from the side while his smile stretched wide across his face.

“Ha ha,” I said flatly, but smiled just a little myself. “So what’s that you’re drinking then, punch?”

He cracked as smirk towards me. “You’re much too young for this drink, Helen.”

I laughed incredulously. “Are you an under-age drinker, Zain?”

Zain chuckled. “Alcohol isn’t going to stunt my growth. You, on the other hand,” he lightly poked my nose with amusement, making me flush, “might end up poisoning me if you drank.”

“Wouldn’t it be no different from you drinking it?” I asked, internally enjoying this buzzed side of Zain.

“What’s poison to you would poison me,” he said, taking another sip. “Alcohol changes the quality of blood, and like I’ve mentioned before, human foods don’t have much of an effect on us. And I see that smile there,” he said suddenly, making me blush again. “You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”

“Okay, fine, yeah, it’s been fun,” I said, looking away from him in embarrassment. He snickered.

“And you tried to fight me on it,” he smiled, looking out at the crowd. “Didn’t even want to go.”

I looked out too, having completely forgotten I was supposed to be getting drinks for everyone and instead taking a sip of a sprite I had gotten. The dance floor was still getting action but significantly less as the night had worn on, everyone growing tired and red faced but smiling. I couldn’t deny that it felt quite pleasant being here. Had I known, I probably wouldn’t have protested so much.

A couple of vampires had come up to the table get some some punch, giving a cheerful hail to Zain, and I realized it was two of the clan leaders I had met today.

“Wonderful party this year, Master Zain, wonderful indeed,” spoke one, a tall, lanky, red-haired vampire with almost spindly thin limbs. He was at least a foot and a half taller than us.

“Hear hear,” Zain replied, toasting his glass to them with a clink. “You’ll be hosting next years, correct?”

“Indeed.”

“Lancaster’s daughter will be taking a Bride soon,” spoke the other, a slightly shorter curly brown haired lady with soft violet eyes and very dark skin. “She’s so excited.”

“Right, how is Laurene?” Zain asked.  “I heard she had a brush with the wolves over the summer.”

The clan leaders continued to chat idly, and I awkwardly and quietly slipped away. It felt a little like I was intruding, like I didn’t need to be involved in the conversation. There was nothing I could add anyway, it seemed better to excuse myself. But for some reason the hall seemed very strange all of the sudden, almost alien. It didn’t have the same jovial mood, despite all the happy faces. It was like a bubble around me had burst and I stepped back into a darker reality.

I don’t belong here. This isn’t me, this isn’t where I’m supposed to be right now. I wish I could return to the dorms. A strong sense of loneliness coupled with the increase of the pulling sensation enveloped me like a suffocating blanket. The music seemed muffled and bland, the colors much dimmer than they felt just minutes ago. I want to go home.

“Helen?”

Zain had caught up with me, a strange expression on his face. I tried to keep the depressive thoughts safely in the back and pretended to still be cheerful.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his eyes tingeing red in concern anyway.

“Yeah, sorry, it just felt like situation I didn’t need to be in…” I answered, trying to look anywhere else but at him as that different set of loneliness started creeping in.

He frowned. “Don’t let them make you feel lesser, you’re at the same level as I am. You have just as much right to be here as any of them.”

Something in my gut prickled, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I kept glancing around, looking for something to change the subject with. I spotted her almost immediately, standing alone against a wall and watching her friends be taken onto the dance floor.

“Zain, have you danced with Victoria yet?” I asked, not expected the pang in my chest as I did.

This question threw him off. “What?”

“You should go dance with her,” I said into my cup, still not looking at him. Something inside me burned; I didn’t want him to go dance with her, why am bringing it up?

It hasn’t been fair to her, and she should be having as much fun here as anyone else. She loves Zain, it should be her at his side. He should be spending the evening with her, not standing next to me.

But it’s not fair, a quiet voice protested inside me.

The current song had finished and the next one was about to begin. These thoughts had crossed through my mind in only about a second. Zain stared at me in confusion.

“Helen, what-?”

“Go,” I said suddenly, pushing him in Victoria’s direction. “Go dance with her, she’s been looking forward to this night with you for a long time now.”

He glanced back, his expression still strangely puzzled and his eyes still slightly tinged red with worry. I remembered I was supposed to have brought the girls something to drink, and made deliberate steps back to the tables, refusing the desire to look back. That invisible pulling cord seemed to light on fire, each step I took away attempting to scorch my insides. I downed my drink, wishing I could try some of that wine he was drinking, and collected up some more cups for the girls.

“Oh my gosh, thank you Helen,” Rose said as I handed the drinks out to everyone. “You’re a lifesaver! I’m so thirsty.”

“Where are the Suzanne and Alice?” I asked, and as if on cue they arrived with Jason and Mike in tow, along with a few other ladies and men. Two of the girls gave me almost mischievous looks, and with a start I realized they were the vampire-Bride pair from my classes.

“Hello miss Helen,” they greeted.

“Hi!” I replied in surprise, glad for the distraction from the burning pit in my stomach. “Sorry, I don’t think I ever got your names…?”

“We’re Moira and Denise,” one of them replied, a really pretty bushy-haired  girl that I think is the one who’s human. I didn’t see any fangs at least.

“And it’s understandable, it seemed you were pretty preoccupied during sessions,” the other giggled, her short blonde hair pinned back with a ornamental butterfly. I blushed a little bit and tried to ignore another flash of pain in my chest.

“Ooooh, look!” Alice called, pointing towards the dance floor, and I looked without thinking.

Zain and Victoria were now dancing, looking extremely elegant and ethereal, like two creatures that couldn’t possibly exist in this reality. Her dress billowed about through intricate turns as he guided her skillfully across the floor. She looked up at him happily, her eyes sparkling, and he looked-

I tore my eyes away as I felt an overwhelming rush of emotion. But the damage had already been done, it was flooding through me now. I stood up suddenly, startling everyone. “I need some air.”

Rose and Claire stared at me in intense worry. “Helen?”

I need to hurry, now. “I’m...I’m just going to step out for a bit, I’ll be back. It’s a little stuffy in here.” Without another word or even time for them to react I started walking away, feeling their eyes following me and mine struggling to see. I didn’t really process where I was going, I just knew there was a courtyard around the other side of the hall. I felt Zain’s presence reach towards me and threw my barriers up. They need to hold, I need to get away. I’m not going to ruin this night because of this stupid Bride’s bond!

The cold air hit me in the face with a shock, just enough to numb me for a moment. Instead of grass out here there was cobblestone and moss-covered gargoyle statues. Tall, sleek, dark, decorative arches stood all around, almost like a maze you couldn’t possibly lose. Something about it felt familiar but I didn’t care. Further in began a very large, actual maze made of shrubbery and hedges, only about seven feet high. I kept walking, past the vampires also stepping out to take a breather or a smoke, past the couples wanting a little more privacy to themselves, straight through to the center of the hedge maze. All the while inside of me each step was like a stab through the heart.

I collapse against the fountain edge as my walls came tumbling down. The cord pulling sensation was fading but my insides still burned. I let the pain take me over, let it wrack my body with a grief I had never felt before. I lost myself to it, falling into such a swirling state of agony that, somewhere inside, made me glad to be so far away from everyone.

I knew this was necessary. Sheer will power alone was not enough to stop it, and I was tired of it. I was tired of feeling jealous, of feeling heartbroken, of feeling the agonizing longing that had only grown with time, not diminished. I was tired of this stupid god-damn bond making me feel this way, interrupting my thoughts and making it hard to think. He doesn’t care for me like that. He will never care for me like that. These feeling need to be stomped into the ground, I need to kill them before they grow into anything worse. They’re not necessary; they’re not even my own. I can be his power, I can give him what he needs to live, but I will never be anything more.

When the moments passed I began to calm down, and as I did a strange sense of nothing filled the place of pain. Like something in me had snapped and the weight that was pulling it had been set free. I felt...numb. But calm. I could no longer feel that connection, but I knew it was still there.  

“Heartbreak is a terrible thing, isn’t it?” spoke a calm voice near me.

I jumped, nearly falling into the fountain. A vampire was sitting next to me; I had no idea when he got here, or how much he saw. But I didn’t have time to be embarrassed as recognition made my insides colder than the air.

Greg lifted his hands in a vulnerable manner, attempting to pacify. “Easy, easy, sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, Miss Morris. You left the party looking quite distressed, I felt the need to follow out of concern.”

I eyed him carefully, feeling my heart thunder in rising panic. “Why...would you be concerned?”

He looked abashed. “My dear, would it not be the concern of all who reside here the well-being of the Lord’s Bride?”

I didn’t have an answer to that. I saw a slight smile rise.

“But is seems despite you two growing closer, his heart still goes out to Victoria,” he continued into the air. There was an expectation of a pang but instead it felt like a hollow echo on an empty drum. “The bond of a Bride is a powerful thing, even more so when feelings don’t quite match up. It’s a reaction that attempts to rectify any lack of emotional development.”

I wiped my face with my gloves, still debating whether it was safer to hear him out or attempt to get away. I was regretting running out so far from the party.

He eyed me carefully, like he was considering how to choose his next words. Or maybe deciding what I might be about to do.

“...there is a way to break it, you know.”

I stared at him.

“The bond, that is. There is a way.”

I asked before I could stop myself. “How?”

“You’ve already taken the first steps in cutting the ties; it’s not an easy process by any means. And it would not kill your vampire, merely allow a transfer to take place. I know you’ve been looking for an option, one that wouldn’t mean killing anyone.”

I inhaled sharply as the cold reached my head and toes. “You’re the one who sent the note.”

“I arranged for it, yes, you’ve been on the right trail, but only half correct. It was never my intention to lead you to your death.”

“Then why-?”

“To perform a transfer. If another vampire attempts to feed from a Bride, with the intention of creating a Bride, the bond could be transferred. That thrall was close to feral; he would not have had much longer to live, and would thus free you from your emotional shackles. You would have been free to go.”

My mind reeled. Given what I know it made some sense but...something wasn’t adding up. Something was missing from this.

A subtle, strange fogginess was filling my head somewhat, making me stumble over my next question.

“Why...didn’t you try to tell me then?” I asked.

“You still had much to learn, I was afraid you might not have understood or believed me...and I’ll admit I was afraid Zain would find out about it as well. I’m sure you remember the quick work he made of that thrall.”

My head started clouding more, almost relaxingly… A bit too much. I can’t relax right now...the enemy is right in front of me, I have to keep on guard. But...if the bond can be broken…

“You could go home,” Greg murmured, almost as if he were finishing my thoughts. His hands had taken hold of my neck and chin. I shivered, but I couldn’t move. I was stuck in a strange hypnotic stupor. His fangs seemed to draw in closer. “You could be free, free to go home, to forget this place, free from the pain his very presence now gives you. I can free you from him, Helen. All I need is a yes.”

Free...I could be free from it all. I could go see mom again, I could talk to Emily again, and finish school. I could get a job, and have a normal life again, away from vampires, from royalty, away from prying eyes and judging gazes and the threat of danger. Away from Victoria, from Dmitri...I’d be leaving everything behind again. The free-time to pursue hobbies, the nightly swimming, the great food, Claire, Rose, Wendy, Suzanne, Alice, all of the friends I’ve made here. No more dance lessons with Dmitri, no more snide but funny commentary from Mason, no more conversations with Zain-

Zain. I would never see Zain again.

A fire that blazed hotter than ever rose inside me like an inferno, and cleared the fog away. Greg’s fangs were inches from the crescent mark on my shoulder. I shouted and punched him away, getting up immediately and tried to run while he remained startled.

“Very well,” came his bitter voice behind me as I entered the hedge maze. “If that is your answer, then I guess plan B is in order.”

Suddenly he was in front of me, his eyes now blazing red, ready to grab me. I skidded and nearly fell in my wedges, kicking them off and changing direction down the left path. As if out of nowhere he was in front of me again, and I made a right. Again and again he appeared, forcing me to change directions, never actually chasing me, just toying with me. And then I was back at the fountain, and I realized all he was doing was herding me.

I tried to reach out, to tell Zain, knowing there was no way I was going to escape, but the bond was cut. I cut it, I severed that connection. I felt nothing.

“Gotcha.” Greg’s arms closed around me while the horror of what I’d done distracted me. I squirmed as a sharp pain clamped into my neck.

“No!”

There was an impact, I was flung into the fountain and something in my side made a sickening crack. There were snarls and yells and my vision was white for just a moment from the sheer pain. Someone scooped me up, causing another wave of searing pain. Hot liquid was bleeding down my arm from my neck.

“Helen, are you okay?”

My vision cleared, barely. Dmitri was holding me up, his hand hovering over my ribs. Something squirmed and snapped again, and the pain was less.

“Zain will be here soon, don’t worry,” he said, his eyes, red with concern, landing on the bite on my neck.

“Ah, the heir apparent is coming? I feel honored.” Greg climbed out of a now busted gargoyle, wiping blood from his mouth. “But I’m afraid you’re a little too late, I’m sure he-” He looked at the location of my bite as well. “Damn. Missed. Well. I’ll just have to try again.”

“Like hell you will,” I heard Dmitri growl, startling me. I’ve never seen him so angry. But in a flash Greg had lunged, causing Dmitri to drop me as they crashed into the fountain. I winced, feeling like my rib was going to dislodge again, and tried crawling away. There were more crashes, things were lifting up weightlessly and thrown around. I heard a cry of pain and looked back.

“Helen keep going!” Dmitri threw his hand out and my body started lifting up over the hedges, and for a scary moment I thought he was about to throw me. But to my horror I saw Greg double back towards him, and latch onto his throat. I fell into the hedge as the connection broke.

It felt like everything was silenced. Dmitri, no, please be okay, please be okay.

It’s my fault, this is my fault, I shouldn’t have come out here, I shouldn’t have gone off on my own.

Please be okay please be okay

I held my breath as the branches moved away and another familiar face filled it.

“Evening princess.”

Mason pulled me out of the hedge.

“Mason, Dmitri, he’s-!”

“Don’t worry, he’s still alive, I got ‘em off just after he dropped you. Knocked Greg out for good measure-”

But then Mason was also caught off guard as both he and I were knocked through the hedge and back towards the center once again. I went tumbling across the cobblestone, wincing each time I rolled. Mason had crashed into the fountain and was out cold. Dmitri was also passed out on the ground, bleeding. Greg stepped through the broken-open hedge, sporting a lot of gashes and bruises.

“Now...to finish what I started.” He started towards me, all pleasantries gone.

There was no one left.

“No…” I whimpered, once again fearing for my life. I don’t want this, I don’t want to die, I don’t want anyone to die…! My vision was starting to get a little bit blurry, there were two of him now. I clapped my hand to my neck as he strode up to me, trying to stanch it. No, it can’t end this way, it can’t…

Suddenly there was the roaring sound of wind and warmth. Fire erupted from all around me and blocked Greg’s path. He stepped back with a hiss, looking just as shocked as I felt. Arms wrapped around me from behind and picked me up. Warm, comforting, familiar arms. I felt a gentle touch on my neck and the stinging stopped, filling me with calm and more warmth. The pulling sensation I thought I had broken was back.

Zain’s eyes remained fixated on Greg, full of such a blazing rage it was beyond comprehension.

“Well well,” Greg said, standing a safe distance from the flames. “How unexpected. It appears I didn’t have as much time as I thought.”

“When I felt the connection with Helen interrupted I thought something might be up.” Zain’s eyes glanced briefly to his two friends. “That was your doing, wasn’t it?.”

Greg chuckled. “Well, it appears we both lapsed into arrogance.” Zain bristled. “Information gathering isn’t all I can do, as you’ve you've realized by now. But, seeing as I’ve failed again, I do believe I’ll be taking my leave.”

Fire rose up from all entrances and exits to the maze, creating a box around around the whole area. Greg stopped, looking back at us.

“That’s quite a power you have,” he said to Zain, his face impressed. “Elemental fire. Well, there is more than one way to douse a flame. And I know you won’t kill me.”

“What makes you say that?” Zain asked cooly. Greg smiled.

“Because you still don’t know who my accomplice is.”

“So?”

“So?!” Greg laughed. “Think you already have the big picture, huh? You think your pyrotechnics are enough to find them, right?” He laughed again, an eerie, high pitched laugh. “You don’t have the whole picture, they’ve been under your nose for all this time and you still think you can trust them?”

Zain and I both stiffened. He growled.

“Enough with the mind games,” he said, putting me down gently and striding forward. Around us it seem like the wind was picking up, making the fires rise higher and higher. Surely someone would see this by now?

Greg sidestepped slowly, keeping his eyes on Zain. “Tell me, my Lord, if what I say isn’t fact, why haven’t you killed me yet? You could easily do so, I don’t have the powers or the strength to fend myself against you.”

He didn’t say anything, but continued to advance on him, creating a fireball in his hand.

“However,” Greg continued, eyeing the fire, “One thing I can boast is my speed, and ability to disappear.” He suddenly vanished. “And your arrogance of that will be your downfall.”

Zain whipped around and cast his fire in my direction, narrowing missing both me and the Greg who suddenly yelped back.

“You will not touch her!” Zain snarled, and lunged.

Once again everything became way too fast for me to see. There were clashes and bangs and fire everywhere. Greg tried to douse Zain’s flames by causing a deluge of water to flood out of the broken fountain. Zain brushed the water from his face and placed one on the wet floor at his feet. Lightning crackled and traveled up a line to Greg, who was caught in paralyzing spasms. Through what looked like pure willpower alone he leapt out of the water and away from the conductive current, his eyes appalled.

“Impossible! Vampires can’t have more than one ability!” He dodged another fireball attack, landing on top of the broken fountain in a crouch. “Yours is fire! HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”

“I never said my power was fire,” Zain said coldly, and made a lifting gesture. The water rose up all around Greg; there was no escaping it. “You made that assumption yourself.”

The water closed around him in a giant sphere. More electricity kept him paralyzed as the sphere began to freeze over. Greg was now encased in ice, unable to move, his body stuck in the appearance of agony.

Zain let out an exhausted breath and stumbled, looking like he just finished running a human marathon. He wiped his brow and made his way quickly to Dmitri and Mason.

“You still alive my friend?” he called to Dmitri, kneeling down and holding out something that looked like a capri sun pack.

Dmitri took it gratefully, draining it. “Barely,” he replied.

A groan made their heads turn. Mason was sitting up, looking dizzy. “Whatappen…?”

I carefully attempted to stand, wincing with pain from the broken rib. Immediately there was a rush of wind and Zain was at my side.

“Helen, I’m so sorry, I should have been here sooner,” he said, supporting me.

“Seriously, what took you so long?” I teased darkly, wincing again. Then, against my better judgement, I hugged him. “You stupid vampire, I was so scared…”

He hugged me back, wincing too. “I think your rib is broken.”

“No, really? I hadn’t noticed.”

Once recovered some more Dmitri and Mason made their way over. Dmitri once again reset my rib while Mason examine the ice pop enemy.

“Seems a little too easy,” he commented, staring up at Greg. “The guy we’ve been suspecting being the one behind it all.”

“There’s still his accomplice,” Dmitri added. “We have no idea who it could be or how they were working together.”

“Greg had power over the flow of information,” Zain said, finished with addressing my scapes and cuts. “He could easily have communicated without anyone picking it up, and even block connections with Brides if he wanted to.”

They looked at him; so did I. Zain glanced down at me.

“You disappeared soon as you entered the garden. I should have responded to it sooner, but I thought I you might have just been blocking me. When it didn’t waver something seemed wrong.”

I swallowed, confused now by what had happened earlier when the pulling sensation was severed. Then was that just...him jamming the signal?

“Check the perimeter for around the castle for any rogue groups; Greg wasn’t from the castle, he could be apart of an organization. Get the guards on alert.”

Mason nodded and disappeared. Zain picked me up carefully, trying not to dislodge the broken rib again.

“You’re probably going to need a brace for that,” he told me quietly.. “That’s probably going to take a lot longer to heal than I can make it.”

“Greaaat.”

Mason came back. “It’s done, the guards are out looking now. Party is getting antsy though, they saw the fire display.”

“We need to get this one to a nurse and tell the council,” Dmitri limped over, gesturing to me.

“I’ll take her,” Mason offered. “You two get this guy to the council.” As Zain seemed to hesitate he added, “Dmitri’s condition is going to be a lot more convincing than mine, not to mention he got to the fight sooner than I did, so his memories will be more valuable. And with the guy on ice you’ll be able to order a full memory dive on him, find out who the other accomplice was.”

Zain nodded and I was transferred over to Mason. With the adrenaline starting to fade, sleep began to threaten my mind.

“Don’t sleep just yet Helen,” Zain said, sensing it.

“Well get ya patched up and in the warmth soon,” Mason said. “Then you can sleep as long as you want.”

I gave a look of goodbye towards Zain, wishing I could just stay with him, and then the surroundings became a blur once again.

I hadn’t realized just how cold I felt until a blast of heat told me we were inside again. Zain’s fire from earlier had fought back the frost during the fight but the time afterwards was enough to feel numb again. But now it stung as feeling in my fingers and toes began to come back.

Numb is how my mind felt too. I still haven’t exactly processed what just happened. It all went so fast, so much happened all at once that there had been no time to think. A burning question sat in my mind: did the bond actually break? Did I actually manage to close those feeling off, or was he just jamming the signal connection with Zain? And...if I hadn’t snapped out of it, would the connection have actually switched?

“We’re here,” Mason said, and everything stopped blurring by so quickly. “I’ll run to fetch the nurse while you get warmed up. Can you walk?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so, thanks.” This healing ability was amazing, my ribs only slightly throbbed at the moment...so long as I didn’t turn the wrong way.

He set me down and I opened the door, walking into a darkly lit room still in thought. There was one window, and, unlike many of the rooms in this place, no other doors. Come to think of it, this didn’t look like any nurse’s office or room I’d ever been in. There wasn’t even a cot.

Behind me I heard Mason close the door, and the unmistakable click of a lock.

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[questionthebox]

Ok so I’m home again. Went on a 3 hour walk with a friend of mine.

Smoked two joints on the walk.

I’m high. So I want to get that out of the way.

I’m sitting at my table watching

Superman Red Son on HBO Max

And

I think 🧐 I finally understand myself

I know who I am now.

And I want to say something

If you go on my Instagram

son_of_bechet

There’s a video of me getting a tarot reading

From a witch,

And she says there are going to be people who betray me,

And I now understand what she means.

Idk if it’s because I’m a writer/artist

But in these wilderness years I’ve attracted some weirdos

Now that I realize it,

And I’m tired of that, I don’t want that anymore

I don’t want to be taken advantage by people who in actuality are pieces of shit,

And In this I’m realizing how I’ve attracted people with mental health issues,

And when you’re entangled with those kinda people

They like to play these weird little games, and then try to tell you they don’t want a relationship with you in a romantic way

And it’s like ewwww

Because I’m me,

This isn’t the kinda life I should be involved in

And

Over the past 5 years I’ve come out of that life

In every kinda way

But now, as of tonight thanks to this clarity

I can say yeah I’m done with that shit,

I’m an adult now, that’s not cute,

Also as I watch

Superman Red Son

What he says to Louis about

The capitalist system of the United States

It’s true

Irregardless of whatever was going on

In

The USSR

And the sinister thing about this movie,

And

American society itself

Is that it can never take seriously

Or

Give legitimacy to Reality,

So of course the Russians in this movie

Have to be “unrealistic”

The United States and it’s people

Hate reality,

And to tie this into myself

I’ll admit to something

I’m a fucking weirdo here

I’ve been a weirdo,

Like I’m attractive, I’m exciting I’m courageous

And funny

And it attracts people here,

But it only attracts them

Because I’m a weirdo

Who actually thinks about life

And takes life seriously

So people routinely tell me

“Wow Anthony your so plugged in”

And it’s like yeah

Because I don’t watch celebrities and whatever the fuck you people are on,

You people literally are so propagandized

It’s pitiful

Like if your an American

And you’ve been to other countries

You know what I mean

The rest of the world lives in reality

And authentic culture

Where as our society in America

Is insane, cartoonish and driven literally by celebrity narratives and lives,

To the point we think that

A lesbian soccer player deserves to be paid

Like Lebron James

And that’s somehow a feminist and populist issue,

Like in our society

Lizzo showing her morbidly obese body on Instagram

Is a big deal, and somehow populist and representative of the people.

And the younger people

The gen z kids

Are conditioned to this shit,

Gen Z kids will like images of celebrities

Because they view it almost as a “lifestyle fashion”

And that shit is NUTS

How people live in these convoluted narratives and images here

Are nuts.

And I’m now financially able to, and capable of

Bouncing

From this shit,

And so I’m going to stack my money

And bounce,

I don’t find anything good here

And I don’t really like the people whatsoever

The people here are so uneducated and dumb

It’s just awful to be around

And the energy is dead everywhere

In college it’s dead,

Frequently I would talk with my professors about why no one in class speaks and engages

And

Now that I’ve graduated and am removed from that environment I understand why,

It’s because they don’t know anything else,

Like once I remember hearing those people in there

Talk about “baby yoda” and it’s very very surreal

So this leads me to another realization

Like

Henry Miller before me,

I’ve realized I’m a “European”

Jesus fuck I am,

I think about all the shit I’ve gravitated to

Since I was a baby,

And it’s European in origin

Why ?

Because Europe has a “sexual life force energy”

To it, that is a musk of so much authentic culture and personality

So wide ranging

From truly evil men like Hitler

To truly complete geniuses like Da Vinci

To truly incomparable academics like Hegel and Marx,

To great Queens & Kings

Generals etc

Like

America isn’t my vibe at all,

America is mediocre

It’s as Henry Miller called it

The Air Conditioned Nightmare 

America and it’s people are truly a blight on the world,

And the rest of the world understands this,

But then doesn’t fully understand

What Americans are capable of

So I’ll tell you

These people here are crazy nihilists who hate reality and hate life

And they’ll do anything to spread that around

So that nothing genuine exists anymore

And these people if they aren’t

Destroyed

They will destroy life on planet earth

Trust me I’ve been around

Americans my whole life

I know what they are,

They feed off of mediocrity and hate,

And they see the world as “barbarians”

And they chiefly hate

The Educated

The cultured

The passionate and vibrant,

They look at every other place on earth

As Barbarians,

Because Americans don’t understand

Beauty, and the lack of noise,

Which reminds me earlier I was at Walmart

And I ended up leaving prematurely not buying anything

Because I couldn’t take the noise

The place was so loud and busy

And that’s how America is,

Everything is sped up and loud and fake

With people talking to each other

As a response to celebrity social media culture

I’ll put it like this

I’m Puerto Rican I’m Latino

And I ain’t never used the term

LatinX

None of my Latino friends or family use it

I asked one of my Latino friends days back

If he uses it and he told me he didn’t even know what the fuck I was talking about.

I feel as though this year

I’ve arrived in my own skin.

Be it that my life has changed so much

From the darkness I was in for the vast majority of my 20’s

But I’ve grown up

And I am present in my body,

And in my Name,

I like who I am

And I love myself

And I know what and who I need to be around

Life’s a trip,

Even more so when you have a brain,

And you use it,

And I don’t like the ordinariness of life

I don’t like being a normal person

I’m too talented

My vision too grand,

Like and this ties into me being a weirdo here

But you know I’ve been great at sex since I was a teenager

Like I made one of my first girlfriends cum

21 times in one night,

Which I’ve alluded to in my poetry in the past

By saying I touched foot on her island,

And I’m not boasting,

And here’s another thing

I only attract baddies

I’ve never had an ugly woman

I’ve never attracted anyone ugly

I’ve been lucky to always have been me

And it goes to what one of my best female friends once said about me

“You have a great personality”

And I do

But it’s because im a European

Im like

Rimbaud im like Baudelaire

Im like Picasso

Caesar

The Borgia pope

Fedrecick the great

Like im all those people

And im also

A woman, im sensitive and loud like a woman

I’m passionate like a woman

And it’s why I only attract baddies

I am me !

I wear skirts I bought off hot topic

With John fluevog boots

And I have blue curly hair,

Whatever difficulties I’ve experienced

We’re only because literally

My family collapsed,

And I understand that I wouldn’t be the writer and artist that I am

Without experiencing what it was like to be poor and at the bottom

And to know people from that,

But obviously that’s not me,

And I’ve grown out of

The issues of my family,

The reason why I’ve posted dark stuff

In years prior

Was simply because my life

Had cratered when my mom left

And I had literally went insane

And I neglected myself and my life

But that shits over,

It’s way in the past,

And I seldom think about it

Even though I know

It’s why people I pushed people away,

But here’s another thing

I pushed a lot of people away when I was in that darkness

But for some reason these people still have me in Facebook

And follow me on Instagram

And it’s fucking strange

But I know why

It’s because they fell in love with me,

And they can’t forget me,

Even as they have conflicted or negative feelings about me

They want to see my art,

#poets on tumblr #my thoughts #my musings #diary #personal diary #writers on tumblr

[percyannabeth]

tangled like us

Summary:  Just a little something I wrote about Jane and Thatcher (duo pov). Main prompt: bed sharing.

Notes: Hello! Once again I'm writing about this couple that I adore. I always have a great time writing about them and I can't wait for their book 'Tangled like us' (so that's the reference to the fic's title haha). If you could leave a comment after reading it would be great so I know how I can improve. Big thanks to Abi and Doris for helping me review the fic (ilysm girls!!). Characters belong to Krista and Becca Ritchie.

Read it on AO3

JANE

Yesterday my whole family flew to Greece where Moffy and Farrow’s wedding will take place. I’m still at home finishing packing because I had a last minute appointment with a dentist. It was a friend of Farrow’s who let me go in and assist in some of his consults so I could see if odontology is my passion. It isn’t, in case you were wondering. I was sick within five minutes a consult started.

So here I am putting my last clothes inside my bag when I hear a knock on my door. I spin to find Thatcher there. Since I stayed he stayed too. We’re going to catch a flight at 9 a.m and then we have to drive for a few hours to arrive at the location of the wedding. We should be there by midnight.

“Are you done packing, Jane?” He asks me while entering the room. “Oui”, I answer as I close my bag and put it on the ground. “Let me help you with that”, Thatcher says as he grabs it and look at me “We should get going so we won’t miss the flight in case of traffic”, he adds. “Right”.

It doesn’t take us long to arrive at the airport or get into the plane. The flight goes smoothly and I even manage to take a nap, although it was delayed in an hour. Once we’re in greek soil, Thatcher goes to the counter to take the keys to the car we rented. In no time, we are on the road. It’s already dark but the sight is no less breathtaking.

After two hours on the road I can see Thatcher is tired and so am I, “Thatcher, I think we should stop for the night”, I suggest. “No, I’m fine. We should stick to the schedule”. “Well the delayed flight was not on the schedule so It’s already a lost cause. We can arrive there tomorrow”, I tell him, “Plus you’re almost falling asleep behind the wheel and we don’t want that, do we?” I know I convinced him with that last sentence. We’re all a bit freaked out since the car accident with Moffy, Winona and my brothers. “Ok, fine. We can stop on the next hotel we spot”.

Ten minutes later, we park the car and we enter this cute hotel we found and we go to the counter where this nice lady greets us. “Hello. Welcome to the Vasiliki Hotel! Is it only the two of you?” she asks with a smile. “Hi. Yes. We are only staying for the night so if we could get two rooms it would be great”, I reply. “I’m sorry. All the single rooms are booked so we only have double rooms”. I look at Thatcher to see what he thinks about it but he’s already answering the receptionist “That’s fine. We’ll take a double room and can we take care of the bill tomorrow morning, is that ok?”, the lady starts nodding “Sure. Just let me take your names and here’s the key to the room. It’s number 204. All rooms have a small kitchen and basic ingredients in case you don’t want to come down to eat something. Enjoy your stay”. “Thank you so much”, I reply.

Thatcher takes our bags and we go to our room. He puts them on the floor in front of the bed and says “I’ll take the couch and you can have the bed”. I look over to the couch, it’s really small. “Come on! You can stay in the bed with me. That couch is really small. I doubt you would even fit on it”. “I’ll be okay. It’s not really appropriate to share the bed”, he answers. “You won’t be walking tomorrow if you sleep on that thing. Please, I’m asking you. You can even build a pillow fortress in the middle of the bed if it makes you feel better”. He laughs and looks at me and I stare back to prove my point. He ends up agreeing, “Fine. Whatever you want Jane”.

He goes to the bathroom to change his clothes and I decide to change into my PJs while he’s gone. I put my shorts, then my shirt and when I spin around, Thatcher is leaving the bathroom shirtless and with his hair wet. I can’t help but stare at his chest, his very well defined chest. Suddenly I start wondering if the bed sharing was a good idea after all. It’s not like I’m blind. He’s really attractive and I kind of have a small crush on him. But I know he’d never cross that line so I take a deep breath as he says “I’m sorry. I forgot my shirt on my bag”. I notice his eyes checking me out and spending a special amount of time on my bare legs. “It’s fine. I’ve seen shirtless people before”, I laugh trying to dissipate the tension rising in the bedroom.

I head to the bed with my phone to text my family and let them know we’ll be arriving only tomorrow. While I’m at it, I see Thatcher putting his shirt on and coming to the bed. He hesitates for a moment but eventually he pulls the sheets so he can lay down. I do the same, remembering to put some distance between us in case we move during the night. He stares at the ceiling while I lay on my side and I look at him before saying “thank you for staying behind with me”.He takes his eyes of the ceiling and lay them on me, “you’re welcome. Though it’s my job”. We smile at each other for a moment before I whisper “good night, Thatcher”. He gives me a smile that I hold very dearly to my heart because it’s so rare to get one of those, and he tells me “good night, Jane”.

THATCHER

I like to believe I’m a really controlled person. Usually I am. However, even before I’m fully awake I feel arms around my waist and the smell of lavender filling my nostrils. I open my eyes and I see Jane resting her head in my chest and her arms surround my waist, while her legs are tangled with mine. Somehow during the night, I moved closer to the middle of the bed even though I made sure to stay as far away as possible from Jane. I guess that was pointless considering the current position we’re in.

I really want to say I have the willpower to put some distance between our bodies but I don’t. I remain where I am and take the moment to really look at Jane. Jesus Christ, she’s beautiful. A single strand of her hair partially covers one of her eyes so I move it and tuck it behind her ear. Which does nothing to decrease my arousal. Shit, this shouldn’t be happening at all. I don’t know for how long I stay there just looking at her and feeling the heat coming from her body.

Eventually I take my phone from the nightstand to check the hour. 10 p.m. We slept for a really long time. I should probably make some coffee since it appears we won’t be making it to the breakfast downstairs. Gently I take Jane’s arms and lay them on her sides. I stand up and move to make some coffee for both of us. In the last minute I decide I should make an omelette.

When the omelette’s almost done I see movement in the bedroom. Jane is sitting on the bed and she looks around probably looking for me until her eyes finally find me. She smiles and says “good morning. Thatcher”. That smile. It gets me every single time. “Good morning, Jane. I made some coffee”. She stands up and walks towards me. I pour some in a mug and give it to her. “Merci”, she says in French. I think it’s really cute when she does that. “Do you want to share the omelette?” I ask her. She laughs softly and answers “Sure, it seems we’re sharing a lot lately”.

As we sit on the table to eat, I can tell Jane’s thinking of something. I wait to see if she wants to tell me. I’m being extra careful around her since she gave me a silent treatment that almost made me go out of my mind. What happened with Farrow doesn’t make me proud of myself. I was angry, I was wrong, and I acted on the heat of the moment. Something that rarely happens. But it did happen and I have to take responsibility for it.

I can’t take the silence anymore. “What is it, jane?” She looks up from her plate and stares at me. “I’m trying to decide when I’ll stop being mad at you”, her answer surprises me. “Why are you mad at me? Is it because of the Farrow situation?”. “It is. God, how it made me mad”, she laughs bitterly. “I’m sorry, Jane. I never intended to upset you and I..” She doesn’t let me finish, I’m not sure what I’d say anyway. “It did upset me. Do you want to know why? Because we don’t really get a chance to be happy with someone outside the family. Because usually people only want to take advantage, either they’re in it for the money or the fame or some other poor reason. And when Moffy finally found someone who actually cares for him and makes him happy, you say things like that. It’s not okay”, I notice how badly her hands are shaking and how wet her eyes are, as if she’s fighting the tears. “Jane…I’m sorry. I made a mistake and I regret it. Please don’t cry”.

She takes a few breathes and takes a sip of her coffee. I wait for her to gather her thoughts. “I just…I’m just so happy for him. I don’t think I’ll get that. To be in a relationship with someone I trust because my baggage isn’t very good”, so she’s not really upset about the disagreement between Farrow and I, but then I didn’t think it was the reason. Fuck Nate and those other assholes. “I guess I’m just not good enough to make someone want to stay because they like who I am. Not because I’m famous, not because I have money or because they have this weird fetish they think I’ll satisfy”. I see tears rolling down her face. It breaks my heart. To see her in pain, to see her doubt herself.

“Hey”, I stand up from my seat and kneel in front of her. I wrap her face with my hands “Don’t ever say that again, okay? They were all idiots. You are amazing, Jane. You’re loyal, smart, beautiful, funny and full of passion. Anyone would be lucky to even breathe the same air you do. So yeah all those guys are fools because they had you and they took you for granted. If I had you, I’d never let you go”, she sheds more tears and I wipe them with my thumbs while I continue to speak “Once you find someone who can appreciate, respect and understand you, you’ll have a relationship. Just don’t settle down for anything less. Because you deserve everything and you deserve someone who knows how lucky they are to be loved by you”.

I rise from the floor so I can kiss her forehead. Okay, I’m definitely out of control. I pull back a little to look at Jane. I watch as she looks at my mouth and I can’t help but look at hers. She raises her hands to caress my hair and I close my eyes once she touches me. It feels good. Too good. Before I know what’s happening she throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. Now we are both standing. When she pulls back, I feel the loss of her touch. It’s almost painful. I don’t recognize the sound that leaves my mouth. All I know is that I bend and I grab her neck as I pull her towards my body and kiss her. At first, it’s a chaste kiss but then I feel her tongue parting my lips and making my mouth its home. Fuck. She tastes like the coffee she just drank. I admit I’ve pictured this moment before. Many, many times. But not even in my dreams I thought it would be this good. Or that it would happen, I’m her bodyguard for God’s sake. The thought breaks my euphoria.

I start letting go of the waist I didn’t even realize I was holding, but Jane doesn’t let me. She pulls me harder towards her body and deepens the kiss. I take advantage of the moment to play with her hair, a thing I’ve always wanted to do. I grab her waist again and I set her on the table since our height difference makes it hard to keep kissing in the same position for long. I don’t know how long we keep kissing but eventually Jane lets go so she can catch her breath. She brings her hand to her swollen lips before she asks “did I dream or did we end up sleeping pressed together?” Her question surprises me because I didn’t know she had woken up during the night. “No, you didn’t. If you woke up and we were like that why didn’t you pull away?” I ask her because I’m really curious though I know the answer I’d give. “Would you have? Pulled away, I mean”, I answer her honestly “No, I wouldn’t have.” She smiles a little and says “Exactly. I woke up in your arms and it felt like home, I was safe and warm. So I stayed there. I’d stay there forever if you let me”. I look at Jane and I do my best not to kiss her again. We really need to talk before we do anything else. But it isn’t the place or time. So I just rest my forehead against hers and say “We should go. We’re going to be late”. She nods and we proceed to gather our things to finish the trip.

#like us series #cobaretti #jane x thatcher #callowaynetwork #wearecallowaydaily #my writing #i hope you like it!!!

[ellawritesficssometimes]

Ouija Board Mishaps (Day 6 Week of Hetalia, One-shot

A/N: I wrote this when I was sick and took too much NyQuil xD 

Stay tuned for tomorrow. I’ll have a more romantic fic planned.

@weekofhetalia 

Arthur’s POV:

It was a late Friday night, and against my will, my friends had invited themselves over, as per usual. Correction, I invited my younger neighbors Matthew and Alfred over, otherwise known as the twins, while the frog (Francis) came on his own free will, but certainly not mine. Francis was a senior in high school like myself, whereas the twins were both juniors.

Since October was the peak of anything paranormal, I decided to put an end to the mystery surrounding the hauntings occurring in my home. My family has a history of having the Sight, which means we’re able to communicate with spirits. However, the spirit haunting my family refused to show itself, – or should I say herself? – so we were forced to put up with its shenanigans. I grew up with these hauntings, whether it being misplaced socks, random knocks on the walls, or footsteps in rooms where no one alive was in.

But not anymore. I wouldn’t put up with it for any longer.

Impulsive, young, and stubborn as I’ve always been, I bought a Ouija board from Toys’ R US the other day, thinking I would finally be able to make contact with this spirit and get rid of it. Alistair, my older brother and guardian, was gone for the weekend, so this would have been the perfect opportunity for me to prove my worth as a spiritual communicator.

My god, words cannot explain how badly I fucked up.

Regardless, I didn’t know that at the time. My pride often got in the way of me thinking rationally.

Anyway, the four of us were sitting in the basement’s lounge, decked in comfortable sweatshirts and sweatpants.

Even Francis was wearing a white hoodie that obnoxiously read “I love Paris” on the front of it. He was wearing silk pajama pants though, so I suppose his fashion sense still carried with him wherever he went. Unfortunately, fashion sense didn’t necessarily equate to class.

Francis, seemingly out of nowhere, had procured an entire bottle of wine, taking swigs of it as he draped his hairy arms over the loveseat like he owned it. Alfred and Matthew were sharing the two-person couch, each fiddling with a 3DS in their hands.

Meanwhile, I was sitting cross-legged on the ground, setting up the Ouija board and lighting several candles.

“You still plan to go through with this?” Francis asked me, slurring slightly.

I reached out to confiscate the bottle of wine from him. “All right, you’ve had enough of that,” I grunted, ignoring Francis’s protests. “It’s my house, you cold-blooded tart. I can’t have the cops coming over to arrest you.”

“Ah, oui,” Francis mumbled and then proceeded to lower his voice to snidely insult me in French.

I padded over to the mini-kitchen in my basement, placing the half-empty wine bottle in the fridge.

Alfred looked up from his 3DS, his face paling despite the determined expression he held. “M-man, I thought you were just kidding about using that thing!” he exclaimed.

“No, you ninny,” I rolled my eyes. “Have I ever joked about something like this? I’m tired of this spirit messing with me. It’s not exactly a friendly one either,” I trailed off ominously.

Matthew closed his 3DS, only to yelp when Alfred clutched his right arm for dear life. The latter had always been unreasonably terrified of the supernatural. “What do you mean by, ‘not friendly’”? he asked softly, violet eyes blinking not in fear but rather, curiosity.

I patted the ground, inviting my friends +1 to sit in a circle in front of the Ouija board resting on the carpet. I needed them close so that I could explain everything properly.

Once the lights were dimmed slightly and I had my mobile’s flash pressed under my chin, I began my performance. I spoke slowly, knowing that Alfred was slow to pick up on things, but also in the spookiest voice I could muster. Francis and Matthew were both unfazed, taking more amusement in how much Alfred was trembling.

I chuckled lowly, allowing a satisfied smirk to creep onto my face. “Rumour has it that 70 years ago, three siblings moved into this house after migrating here from Russia. There was a brother and two sisters. The youngest sister was mentally ill, but refused to get help. Her siblings agreed with this, probably because they knew she would be institutionalized for the rest of her life if she was turned in to the authorities. The mentally ill sibling’s name was Natalia. Weirdly enough, the records only show her name if you google the murders.”

“MURDERS?!” Alfred spluttered.

“Muahahaha! Yes, murders! Your ignorant two-celled brain heard me right!” I snickered. Perhaps I was getting a bit too immersed in the story. I had always been quite the shit-disturber.

“Natalia was obsessed with her older brother; you could even say it was a fixation. When she heard that her brother had found a spouse, she completely lost her marbles. Things took a turn for the worse when the brother admitted to Natalia that he was engaged, and that she wasn’t invited to the wedding…”

Matthew elbowed Francis. “This sounds like a soap opera you would watch,” he commented.

Francis absently nodded his head, waiting for me to continue with wide sapphire eyes.

Alfred was full-out whimpering at this point.

“Now, you see, for you guys to understand why things happened the way they did, you need to know that Natalia suffered from religious delusions. She saw her brother as some sort of God, an icon if you will. And for him to be marrying someone unworthy was utterly preposterous to her. Enraged, Natalia began to break things in a fit of uncontrollable anger – there’s a dent over there by that wall where she supposedly threw a knife!”

I paused, pointing towards the dent I had actually made myself when I was younger. I had thrown an overcooked scone at my brother’s head, angry at him for insulting my culinary skills – not that he was any better mind you.

“When her sister tried to stop her, Natalia stabbed her to death. Soon, Natalia had lost all sense of reality. Her brother couldn’t hold her back, as she didn’t realize what she was doing – she was just that furious. She ended up killing her brother too before slitting her own throat, horrified when she realized what she had done.

“And that my friends, is the haunting tale of Natalia A. To this day, she still resides in this house. If you listen closely at night, you can even hear the sounds of her scraping a knife against the walls, taunting those brave enough to confront her.”

“Really?” Matthew whispered to me.

“Of course not,” I mouthed back, smirking. I was enjoying Alfred’s reaction far too much to back out now.

Francis cooed at Alfred, rubbing circles into his back before looking up to glare at me. “Nice going, you imbecile. You scared le poor diabetic fils. If his blood pressure spikes, his death will be on your hands!”

“He’ll be fine,” I shrugged, indifferent.

Alfred had already cupped both hands over his ears. “Nope, nope to the infinity. I’m not doing this right now. I betcha anything it was Communism that killed them, stupid Ruskies. This is just a made-up folktale,” he rambled to himself.

“It’s real, Alfred,” I countered, reaching for my phone. “I’ll pull up the records if I have to.”

“Screw this, I’m hungry. Not today, Satan. Not today.” Shrugging off Francis, Alfred stood up and walked into the mini-kitchen. He began pawing his way through the freezer, pulling out leftover cheesecake.

The remaining three of us sighed, going back to the story.

“So…” Francis drawled, looking uneasy for once. “You want to make contact with this Natalia…why?”

“Yeah,” Matthew chimed in, which was unusual for him. He only spoke when it was absolutely necessary; often enough it was to stop us from doing something reckless and stupid. Wait…

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, you said so yourself, she murdered people… her siblings no less…” Matthew mumbled.

“Relax,” I reassured them. “I’m a spiritual communicator. I’ve got complete control over this situation. All we’ll be doing is speaking to her. If things get weird, I can always just end the conversation.”

Francis and Matthew didn’t look very assured, but they didn’t offer any further protest either. They were more intrigued than anything else.

Before I could get to explaining the rules of the board, the microwave beeped.

“What the hell?!” I spluttered, turning. “Alfred, did you just microwave a cheesecake?”

“Y-yeah! It makes it soft! I’m nervous, okay? I need something in my stomach if we’re going through with this!”

“It’s cream cheese! It’s already soft, are you daft?! That’s it, I’m cutting you off from drinking any more Mountain Dew. That sugar is eroding at any remaining common sense you have!” I stormed into the kitchen.

Alfred wailed as I poured an entire two litres of Mountain Dew down the sink. It fizzled as I did so; what in the bloody hell did they put in these soft drinks? Poison? Carcinogens? Radioactive material?

“Angleterre, you have no right to criticize him on what food he eats,” Francis chided, unwelcomed to interrupt. “Just yesterday you made scones that were hard enough to be used as a murder weapon.”

“I still have those you know,” I huffed, dragging Alfred back into the lounge like a mother hen. The American sobbed, placing a lumpy spoonful of cheesecake into his mouth. “Don’t make me use them,” I warned.

Francis raised his hands in surrender, knowing full-well that my threat bore some reality to it.

“All right,” I sighed, grabbing a remote from a nearby coffee table. I dimmed the lights further so that the ring of candles around us were the only light sources in the room. “Let’s go over the instructions, shall we?”

Alfred grabbed the remote, flicking on the lights again. “Dude, no. First, I can’t see my cheesecake, and secondly, no again! You’re giving the ghost chick an advantage if we can’t see her sneak up on us.”

“Fine,” I sighed. I compromised by turning off half the lights. “Happy?”

“No, but this cheesecake is hella satisfying.”

“Can I have a bite?” Francis asked.

“Dude, no. Get your own.”

“HELLO! If you morons are done with your squabbling, I’d like to get on with this.”

Silence.

I cleared my throat. “All right, how this works is simple. We all place our fingers on the planchette and let the spirit guide our hands to spell out letters or to answer yes or no questions on the board. If any of you fools even dare to move your hands as a prank, so help me god. The most important rule to stand by is to NEVER take your hand off the planchette unless or until we break off communication. If you do that, you are susceptible to getting possessed. I’ll repeat myself again: keep your hand on the planchette at all times if you do decide to participate. Don’t ever pull away your hand unless communication is officially broken off with the spirit.”

Silence, again. For once, my friends weren’t arguing.

“If at any time things get unsafe, we must move the planchette to the end of the board where it spells out goodbye; that will break off communication and prevent us from being possessed if the spirit is malicious. Are we all clear?”

Everyone nodded their heads.

“Right, then let’s get started.”

“Wait,” Alfred reached out to pull down my hood. “Stop trying to look like a thug.”

“I’m not trying to look like a thug! I come from a line of druids, damn you! I’m just trying to honour my heritage!” I blurted out.

“You look like a pasty snowflake at best…”

“SCREW YOU AND YOUR HIGH CHOLESTEROL!”

Francis laughed, snapchatting this entire fiasco.

Alfred furrowed his brows. “What does that even mean?”

“GUYS! FOCUS!” Matthew raised his voice, a very odd occurrence. “Just apologize, and get over with it. If we’re going to be doing this, we need to be on each other’s side in the event that something goes wrong.”

Matthew was right.

Alfred sighed, speaking through puckered lips. “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive, Artie. It must be because I’m two inches taller than you and you’re trying to overcompensate for somethin’…”

“What kind of bloody apology is that?!”

WHACK!

Francis whacked the back of my head while Matthew whacked Alfred’s. I hadn’t even done anything wrong!

After ushering out real apologies, we all moved our hands onto the planchette. Unfortunately, my hand was stuck between the frog’s and Alfred’s.

Alfred grabbed my free hand with his. “No homo,” he muttered to me. “I just want to protect ya.”

Bullshit. The yank was scared.

“We’re both bi-sexual,” I hissed with a whisper. “And what did I say about using derogatory sayings like that!? Tsk, idiot.”

Cue another pointless argument.

Eventually, we all settled down and began with the ritual.

I instructed everyone to move the planchette in a few circles around the board before asking the first question.

“Is anyone there?” I inquired. “I assure you we mean no harm.”

The planchette began to move towards the top right of the board, where Yes was spelled out in bold black letters.

“I swear if one of you twats are faking this!” I growled in warning.

“Dude, I’m not doing anything!” Alfred panicked.

“Mon dieu, did it just get colder in here?”

Matthew’s shoulders slumped. “Well, it was a nice life while it lasted. A bit more boring than I would have liked it to be, but I can’t complain.”

The planchette stopped, hovering over the Yes section of the board.

I cleared my throat. “Hello, nice to meet you. Can you spell out your name?”

The planchette began to move.

N

A

T

I stopped the spirit right there. “Natalia, is this Natalia A.?”

The planchette moved to Yes again.

“Oh man! Oh man! Oh man!” Alfred rambled. “We’re all going to die! I’m never going to be able to lose my virginity! I’m going to die a loser, like, like Artie!”

“It’s still not too late,” Francis purred.

“SHUT UP!” I exploded. “Do not break the ritual.”

“Natalia, is it? Tell me. Why do you steal my socks… or trip people when they’re least expecting it? Is that fun for you?”

The planchette moved into the space between Yes and No. I took that as a maybe.

“Do you not like my family living here? Is that it?”

Yes.

“What do you want from us?”

The planchette began to spell out something.

D

I

“DUDE IT BETTER NOT BE SPELLING WHAT I THINK IT IS!”

E

Well fuck.

“Hey, chick-ghost-dudette?” Alfred piped in. “Putting aside you murdering us for a quick second, can you tell me what Artie hides under his bed? It’s really weird how embarrassed he gets when I poke around there.”

Y

A

O

I

“It’s lying!” I cried out, blushing profusely.

I didn’t even bother to acknowledge Francis’s smug all-knowing expression.

“Do ya really want to murder us, though? Like, I get it. You’ve been dead for a while, probs haven’t seen any action,” Alfred continued.

“Are you insane?!” I snapped. “You’re only provoking it, don’t you realize-!”

BANG!

The ceiling above us thudded, prompting everyone to scream and jump a little.

Everyone but Alfred knew not to take their hands off the planchette.

I realized this when it was already too late. “Alfred, don’t!”

Alfred yelped, only to fall onto his back, twitching.

“What do we do?!” Francis screeched.

“Don’t let go, we still have to say goodbye!” I instructed.

Matthew grabbed the remote with his free hand, turning the lights back on. I really wish he hadn’t. Alfred was frothing at the mouth, a single tear of blood streaking down his right cheek as he continued to convulse uncontrollably.

“Big…brother…” Alfred gasped in a voice several higher octaves than his own.

“Where…are…youuuuuuuu…?”

How could things go this wrong, this fast?

“It was a pleasure, Natalia. But I really ought to let you go now,” I pressed, struggling along with Francis and Matthew to move the planchette towards the bottom of the board, where the word Goodbye was spelt out.

But, no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t move the planchette. It was like something was pushing against us – much stronger in strength no less.

“It’s not working!” I screamed.

Francis and Matthew joined my screaming when the Ouija board was thrust into the air. We all let go, paralyzed in fear as we watched it slam into the wall opposite of us.

Matthew was the first to crouch by Alfred. “Alfred, Alfred! Wake up! Fight back, damn it!” he sobbed, slapping at Alfred’s cheeks.

“This is your fault!” Francis accused, jabbing an index finger at me. “You should have tutored him better in English. Maybe then he’d actually know how to follow instructions!”

“As if arguing is going to help with anything! Crap! I think I have a Bible upstairs! We’ll have to perform an exorcism!” I shouted.

Matthew leapt back when Alfred began to laugh hysterically, sitting up abruptly. A cryptic smirk was on his face as he licked his lips, tasting his own blood.

I reluctantly present to you, Natfred.

“A-Alfred,” I asked. “You in there, lad?”

“Alfred is gone,” Natfred laughed in a cold, feminine voice. The lights flickered.

“And soon you will all be too. I must find a suitable body for my brother. Then we can live happily ever after! But first, I’m going to need to spill a lot of blood. My, my, you’re all so young. It’ll make killing you a lot harder. Especially that one,” (she? He? It?) pointed to Francis. “I don’t usually like killing one of my own.”

“What do you mean by that?” Francis quivered as we all began to back away from Natfred, intending to run up the staircase at a moment’s opportunity.

“Are you not a woman?” Natfred asked.

“Oui, oui I am!” Francis pleaded. “Si vous plait, have mercy!”

“He’s lying,” Matthew and I both retorted.

“Some friends you are!”

“You had no problem throwing us under the bus!”

“What is this then, a gathering of homosexuals?” Natfred remarked. “It would make a lot of sense. This one– Natfred pointed at me -  really likes shipping his fictional characters. It’s insufferable. For years, I’ve had to watch him lament about this ‘doctor’. And here I thought I was crazy.”

“DOCTOR WHO IS GREAT, YOU DEMONIC SHE-HEATHEN!” I raged.

“Arthur, not the best time,” Matthew snapped, being the closest one to the staircase.

Francis, however, gave us both a look, communicating the universal sign for ‘I’ll act as a distraction and then we run for our fucking lives’.

Matthew and I nodded our heads in assent.  

“Tell me, ah, Natalia, who is it do you think is the gayest of us all?” Francis asked.

Natfred narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Why do you ask?”

“Since you’ve passed, it’s been medically proven that gays are amongs the strongest of humans. You want a strong body for your brother, oui?” Francis lied through his teeth. I was beginning to question just how drunk he was. What was he on about now?

“Oh, how interesting. If that’s the case, it’s definitely him,” Natfred pointed at me, again.

“WHAT, WHY ME?” I whined.

Natfred glared, as if what she had just concluded was obvious. “I just do.”

“That’s not an answer!”

“Enough, this is such a bore,” Natfred drawled. “You’ll all be far more interesting once I hang the losing bodies as trophies. I’ve been wanting to re-decorate this place.”

Natfred then held out its (I decided on the pronoun, don’t get cheeky with me) right hand, snapping its fingers. A ghostly butcher knife, one that had seen better days and still had blood on it, popped into view.

“Who wants to die first?” Natfred waggled the butcher knife.

“RETREAT!” Francis bellowed, prompting all three of us to turn on our heels and run up the basement’s staircase – the literal devil was on our heels.

Natfred hissed, sprinting forward only to have the basement’s door slammed in its face. Francis and I held the door shut while Matthew grabbed several chairs for us to block the entrance with. Unfortunately, Natfred possessed Alfred’s near inhuman strength as well.

“Why run if you’re just going to die anyway? Face death like a man, you scoundrels!” It hissed, throwing an immense amount of weight against the other side of the door.

“NOW!” Matthew barked as Francis and I leapt out of the way and began piling chairs and tables against the basement door.

Not a second later, Natfred headbutted the door, splinters and dust flying everywhere as it poked its head into view. Its eyes were no longer cerulean under the spectacles it wore, but rather a strange gray-blue. We were losing Alfred more and more by the minute.

“Hide!” I shrieked.

“We can’t just leave him there!” Matthew begged. “How do we get this demon out of him? You said you have a Bible, where the heck is it?!”

“Can’t we just sacrifice Arthur? Let’s do a group vote, non?”

“Ugh! We don’t have time for this!”

I grabbed Matthew by the arm and began tugging him along with Francis towards our storage room. Meanwhile, Natfred was continuing to break through the door. We needed to find a good hiding spot where I could think and come up with a proper plan of attack.

“Over here!” I whispered, opening the door of the cupboard that lay underneath the staircase leading to the third floor. Yes, it was a real life Harry Potter room, moving on.

I closed the door and slid down on the floor. Matthew was the only one not out of breath to pull out his phone, illuminating the small space.

“Well, Monsieur spiritual communicator,” Francis spoke using air quotes, nervously pacing back and forth. His sanity was clearly not all there. “What now? How are we going to escape this alive after this massive fuck-up of yours? Mon dieu, never mind. I’ve already given up. Maybe if I surrender, she’ll let me drink some wine first.”

“NO!” Matthew and I cried out, grabbing both of Francis’s wrists before he could leave the room and give our location away.

“Get your priorities straight, will you?” I snapped. “And stop thinking so negatively. I’ll get us out of this.”

“How?!”

“I don’t know, just give me a minute to think!”

“We may not have a minute!” Matthew warned, wincing at the sound of a chair being thrown against a wall.

Natfred was free.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Natfred taunted.

“Okay!!” I clasped my forehead with one hand. “I think I got it…”

I had to pause again as the sound of knives scraping against each other echoed across the house.

Natfred had found Alistair’s knife collection.

“I’ll be the one to distract Natalia this time. While I do that, Matthew, I need you grab the Ouija board and planchette. Francis, you grab the Bible on the table by the front door; if I somehow fail at distracting Natalia, it’s your job to make sure she doesn’t notice what Matthew’s doing.”

“What exactly am I doing?” Matthew asked, lips quivering.

“Move the planchette towards goodbye. You’ll be cutting off our communication with her,” I explained. “We’re still in session, and will be until that happens. Does everyone understand the plan?”

I received two “oui’s” in response.

“All right,” I straightened my posture. “Let’s save that moronic tosser. On my lead, 1…2…3… Go!”

I thrust open the cupboard’s door, sprinting ahead to give Francis and Matthew some space and time to sneak by while I acted as a distraction.

I found Natfred sharpening two knives in the kitchen. When it spotted me walking into view from the hallway, it grinned widely, murderous in its intent. It wasn’t the aloof, goofy grin I was used to seeing on Alfred – this image would likely haunt me for the rest of my life, which could very well only be the next ten minutes if my plan wasn’t successful.

“Succumbed to your fate, have you?” Natfred mused. “Although, I was kinda hoping for the other two. You might not be strong enough for my brother to possess.”

“Oh,” I quirked a brow, my strong tone contradicting how much my knees were trembling. “And what makes you think your brother would want to come back and live with you? You murdered him, remember?”

Natfred faltered. “I-It was an accident! He knows that! I’m sure he’ll forgive me! He always does!”

“Hmmm yeah, I don’t think so,” I responded, stepping to the side to block Natfred’s view of Matthew and Francis sneaking into the living room. “I think he’d be pretty pissed off. I mean, he had his whole life set right out for him. He was going to get married, and you just had to ruin that, didn’t you? Why? Because you were selfish. You wanted your brother for yourself, and when you couldn’t have him, you threw a tantrum like a rotten five-year-old child. If you really cared about your brother, you would let him rest in peace, wherever he ended up.”

I needed to make Natalia furious; to confuse her just as much.

Natfred’s eyes glowed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” it shrieked. “My brother deserved better than that… than that bitch! Now I have the chance to give him a better life. I’ll do anything to make that happen! He was a King! He deserved more!”

Natfred’s eyes briefly flickered to its original cerulean hue.

Behind me, Matthew stepped out of the basement, planchette and Ouija board in hand. He ducked, hiding from sight by using the living room couch to his advantage. Francis sat next to him, holding a Bible for likely the first time in his life as he prayed.

Both were successful in their part of the plan; it was time for me to follow through as well. It was my fault we had ended up in a situation like this. It was time to take some damn responsibility.

“You’re overcompensating,” I hummed without missing a beat. Alfred was still in there, I just knew it.

“No, you’re a brat. A petty brat who’s trying to rationalize the impossible. You’re a stone-cold murderer. You don’t deserve even the body you’re occupying now. You know why? Because Alfred is stronger than you’ll ever be. He knows what compassion is, what it is to truly love someone. But you’ll never feel that because you’re a psychopath without any capacity for emotions. You never loved your brother. You tainted his life with your filthy greed!”

“SHUT UP!” Natfred screeched. “I should have killed you when I had the chance!”

I yelped when Natfred threw a knife at me. Luckily, I ducked to the side. The knife had crashed into the living room window, sending glass flying everywhere.

Natfred continued to throw knives at me, but somehow, I was able to dodge them all. It then proceeded to throw a blender and toaster at me.

“Jesus Christ!” I swore in the heat of the moment. “Are you trying to kill me?! Oh…”

Tragically, all good luck must come to an end.

Natfred pinned me against the counter. “It’s time for you to die,” it hissed, grabbing me by the collar of the shirt.

I hovered over the ground by two feet. “Alfred,” I wheezed. “I know you’re in there. It’s me, Arthur. Fight back, damn you! I know you’re stronger than this! Y-you can’t die! You were right. There’s so many things we never got to do together! I miss you, you dumbass. I want to do stupid things and grow old together, arguing and whatnot. You’re my best friend, so you better fucking come back already!”

“Alfred is gone, I told you that!”

“LET HIM GO!”

CRASH!

Natfred let go of me, falling forward as a Bible smacked into its back. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!”

Well, that was one way to repel a demon with a Bible.

“Francis, you tart. What in the bloody hell are you doing!” I gasped, backing away as Natfred whipped around to glare at Francis.

“Protecting you!” Francis answered, wavering slightly. “Only I can bully you and get away with it!”

Francis everyone.

“You were supposed to use the Bible to repel her figuratively, not literally!”

“It wasn’t working!” Francis shrugged as I joined him by his side. “I had no choice. She was about to kill you.”

I shrugged. “Can’t argue with that logic.”

“GUYS! IT’S READY!” Matthew shrieked.

Francis and I both exchanged wide-eyed looks before sprinting into the living room, crouching next to Matthew in front of the Ouija board.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW!?” Natfred bellowed, but it was already too late.

We circled the planchette on the board before finally placing it on Goodbye.

“GOODBYE!” Francis, Matthew and I all shrieked.

Natfred collapsed to the ground, twitching once more.

“Aha!” I cried out in triumph. “I hope you rot in hell, right where you belong. You will no longer haunt this house. I revoke any invitation for you to come back. Let this board seal you for eternity!”

Natfred looked up at the ceiling with blank eyes. “Brother, I am sorry,” it wheezed. “Perhaps another day we will be reunited. I will find you, mark my words…”

Natfred made a cliché ‘bleh’ sound before falling still.

I didn’t have time to let out a breath of relief as I had received smacks to both cheeks.

“YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” Matthew and Francis shrieked before crouching over the remains of Natfred, ahem, Alfred.

“Yes, yes, I know,” I bowed my head. “Let’s see if he’s okay. You can lecture me later.”

Matthew pressed his ear to Alfred’s chest. “He’s breathing.”

“Unnngh, burgers,” Alfred muttered to himself.

“Oui, he’s definitely alive,” Francis sighed.

I looked around the living room, petrified by what I saw. The fridge was hanging on a hinge alone with several cabinets, not to mention the many broken plates, dents in the walls, and ruined kitchen appliances.

“Bollocks, Alistair is going to kill me.”

I received another two smacks to the head. “At least Alfred’s okay, though,” I pouted.

Speaking of the previous devil.

Alfred sat up with a groan, eyes widening at the trashed room before him. “Dudes, did we have a killer party or something? What the heck happened in here?”

Matthew and Francis facepalmed while I burst out into tears, bringing Alfred into a hug. “Yeah! Sure! Whatever! We did that! Oh, how I missed you and your idiocy!”

“Yo, are you drunk? Why are you crying? Man, I’m hungry.”

“Screw it, I’m taking a nap,” Matthew declared, slumping against the couch.

“I’ll join you,” Francis offered.

Next thing I knew, Alfred shoved me off him and stood up. He ignored the unhinged fridge door and reached straight up for the freezer, pulling out an ice-cream sandwich.

“I’m going home to microwave this, peace suckas.”

I deadpanned.

Perhaps we should have left him possessed, after all.

-The end

#hetaliaextraganza2k17 #hetalia #aph #aph England #aph America #aph France #aph Canada #aph Belarus #day 6 #tf blood

[seouliloquy]

It seems like everyone is having a really rough time lately. I don't find comfort at all in knowing that I'm not alone, though. I don't know how anyone could, to be honest. But today is turning out to be a really shitty day.

Previously I had written about a problem with my tuition payments. I had anticipated getting a scholarship, but I didn't. So I had no choice but to apply to make payments in installments. However, the deadline for that application was also the deadline for sending tuition, which I waited until the end for my tuition payment stub online to show the reduction with the scholarship but it never did. So...i missed the deadline to apply for the installment payments as well. So on the very next day I went first thing in the morning to my global services office (since i'm technically an International Student) and they told me to go to my department office to ask if they could contact the financial services center and get them to allow me to apply a day late.

They never said I couldn't apply, and they didn't make a call. Instead, they told me that there was a 2nd period to apply, which started today, 9/11 until 9/13. So I was like okay, great and waited until today to send in the application. Turns out there was a language miscommunication (goddamn my Korean for not being good enough) and it wasn't a 2nd period to apply for the installments, it was a 2nd period to send the tuition. So, when i went to the department office again today to ask why my application wasn't working they were like "oh well you missed the deadline over a week ago of course you can't apply" and I'm like 'but you told me that i could apply today during the 2nd round" and they were like Oh...shit....no that's not what i said at all and we realized the serious misunderstanding I had because of fucking 2 words....! and they were like, there's nothing you can do except send the tuition by wednesday...

and i'm like, I have enough to pay half of it, but where do you expect me to come up with 2,000 dollars in 2 days? And even if i could some how miraculously find a way to borrow from a family member in the USA it would take longer than two days to make a wire transfer...

well then, take a semester off. no, i can't. if i apply for a semester off, i lose my visa and therefore would have to leave the country. forgoing student visa would result in me not just "taking a semester off" but actually dropping out of school, and then in order to come back I'd have to completely re-apply to school all over again, and the chances of getting accepted again are not so high, according to some people I know who made the mistake of thinking they could take semesters off like regular native students do...plus the cost and time of all that paperwork...and i'd have to leave the country. I have no where to go in the USA since i moved out of my parent's home years ago and they can't afford to take care of me...i'm a full grown adult and US healthcare is awful and i wouldn't have any health insurance to cover my Lupus treatments...it would just be a giant disaster....and i live with someone who relies on me for paying half the living expenses I can't just up and leave suddenly because of this stupid problem with just a deadline....!!!

so i was having a full-blown, completely internalized panic attack.

and then what happens, i get stupid and i start mulling, trying to figure out why my stupid ex boyfriend messaged me a few days ago casually asking how I am, pretending like he didn't leave me alone in the middle of the night to be assaulted and harassed by some old man and then dragged to the police station until 4in the morning, how he didn't completely leave me hurt and vulnerable and also ruined my best friend's birthday party and completely embarrassed me in front of my friends and other guests at her party, and he wasn't even sorry about it, and blamed me because of the argument we had when he left me there, which he started to begin with when i was trying to make him get over it and grow up! Plus i'm on my fucking period, I was running back and forth all day between offices and waiting around stressing about what to do, what the worst could happen, and i'm missing my classes and it's only the 2nd week of school, and missing classes affects my attendance which affects my grade and thus affecting my chances to get a 4.1 this semester so I can get a fucking scholarship next semester and not have to worry about this bullshit....

I was fucking pissed at him for thinking he had the right to even inquire about my wellbeing, when the way I see it, the moment he looked at me sitting on the curb crying, turned his back on me and got in that cab he lost all rights to even think about my wellbeing at all. So while i was sitting there waiting my fate at school, i raged at him. I told him how dare he think he has so much as half a right to speak to me let alone wonder how I am, how dare he act like we’re old friends who hadn’t spoken in a long time. I told him much i hated him, and how i wish he would get hit by a bus and die. how the world would be better off without his stupid existence. how i don’t care about him and how i’m better off without his pathetic, petty, narcissistic entitled ass giving me more problems than i need. and how yeah my life isn’t perfect or fantastic but it’s certainly better than when he was around. i told him how I seriously do hope he dies, and what did he say to me? "my lawyer just told me that what you just said I can use to sue you. "

LIKE WTF ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? I told O and she burst out laughing.

you are a successful, college-degree-less hedge fund investor living it up with your new plastic girlfriend who isn't even pretty and probably only likes you because of your money (cause you certainly don't have a lovable personality, that's for sure) and you wanna sue your broke ass ex girlfriend for hating you. How narcissistic can you be? sorry princess, not everyone has to love you. And you want to argue with me that you have the right to inquire about how i’m doing because of freedom of speech and how you can talk to whomever you want? well then SO DO I, I have the RIGHT to tell you what I think about you. How stupid and low and self-centered, entitled son of a bitch cunt of a useless person can you be????? His poor miserable mother would have saved herself and the world a lot of trouble if she had aborted him. I was just so shocked...and also scared.  People in Korea who have money have a lot of power. They can do whatever they want, and the police in this country don’t give a shit about women or foreign women either so of course the man who claims to “feel threatened” in this situation is still going to have an advantage over the “barbarian foreign girl making death threats” um....I never said that I would waste my time attempting to kill you or arrange your death so I don’t know how that’s a threat but OKAY but WTF I know how this country’s legal system is complete shit when it comes to real justice and i wouldn’t be surprised if somehow the court would be laughing at this guy for doing something so stupid and petty but would just give him what he wants because he’s got money. UGH.

After hours of stressing I was able to figure out a solution to my tuition problem and it's in the works, and even though i'm glad things worked out, i've blocked my ex's ass like i should have ages ago, and i'm pissed that he actually is threatening to sue me and get me kicked out of the country...for expressing my feelings. If he claims to have a right to talk to whoever he wants because of freedom of speech, i have the right to speak my mind and tell him how much i hate him and how much I believe he doesn't deserve to live.

I really still just want him to hurt so much. more than I did after he abandoned me like that.....even if that means contracting a venereal disease or being crippled by a bus. I just want him to hurt. It's not fair for him to be living so carefree and happily, rolling around in his money while i'm struggling to survive, and trying my best to love myself and look out for what's best for me and be happy and keep focusing on my goals to finish school and be successful in my own way and then he thinks he can just stroll casually back into my life tralala like he did nothing wrong. He needs to feel pain, and be punished for what he did. It’s just not fair......

yeah, i wish i had more money so i could worry less about financial issues like this. but i'm not envious of him. I don't care about fancy cars or an upscale apartment in the fancy part of the city...but i wish i could just be happy and have the time and energy to do the things that I love, and be able to nurture good solid relationships with people who matter, be able to afford my damn healthcare and be able to love myself fully and be loved too and not have to deal with garbage like him and all my other exes and the evil people in this world who have tried to take advantage of me and hurt me.

I want revenge and I also just want peace and I'm SO. FUCKING. TIRED of this.

[confringo-]

2019 Goals Update

Check it out. I’m procrastinating again with another blog. I’m supposed to be editing my novel right now but I’m not because I like to self-sabotage myself by avoiding the work I need to do to avoid feeling the deep sting of failure at my poor writing choices. 

Here we go! 

Health Goals

1. Lose 10 inches from my waistline by the end of the year.

5 inches by June

5 inches by December

I’m not doing too well with this. I’ll tell you more about why that is in a later section, if you get that far. The short of it all is that there were days that were Too Much for me and I just shut down. A suicide prevention workshop that took more out of me than I expected. My sister’s birthday that my mom tried to ruin with her “Family First” bullshit. I lost a little bit off the waistline, true, but I haven’t been consistent. Hopefully, being unemployed for a little while will help me get into the habit of exercise. 

2. Learn to cook 6 vegan meals (not snacks)

One meal every two months, I said. And here I am. Still no progress. I mean, I’ll have all the time in the world for a couple of months so we’ll see what will happen. Mom wants me to go do driving lessons (Hey whaddup I’m Joey I’m 25 and I never learned how to drive) so I’ll be out and about. That’s my one big problem with cooking/baking these days. Going out is such a chore. I don’t want to look at people after dealing with People for a whole work week. 

Now, the excuses will be off the table. Shit. 

3. Clean room while listening to a  new Night Vale episode podcast.

I’ve actually been doing this! It’s not the best system but I have been keeping the clutter from getting too much. I’ve been listening to Hannahlyze This and they’re doing this whole arc of episodes surrounding perfectionism and it’s been very helpful. Anyway, I marie kondo-ed the fuck out of my closet (for the most part) and it’s a lot less crazy in my room. This month has been difficult but I still have a couple of days to do my second round of cleaning. 

Writing Goals

1. Finish HSHL (His Smile, His Laugh) by June 30th, 11:59PM

Listen, I’m more behind than I care to admit but I’m also going at this faster than I expected. It’s weird. Part of me thinks I should’ve been done by this month, another part of me realizes that, all things considered, I’m doing well. I hate to admit that I’ll only be able to finish this novel because I won’t have a job in May or in June. It’s like I can never fully admit to being a Big Boi Writer because I haven’t done what most writers have done: Write a Book While Holding Down a Regular Nine-to-Five. 

But I think I blogged before about using what advantages I have. Right now, it’s Mommy’s Money. No matter what, I’ll be a writer. I write stories, I let people read them. I’m a writer. I have to tell my pride to ease off because my confidence can’t breathe in this kind of environment. 

I’m taking this very seriously. If I don’t have a finished product by June after a literal month of unemployment, I’m going to be disappointed.

2. Submit draft to AT LEAST 25 agents starting July 15th.

3. Submit 3 stories to 10 journals/magazines

Okay for these two, I can’t say much of it because I still have to do the first one, but soon! 

4. Finish “Julian’s Body” by February 28, 11:59PM

5. Finish “Forgive My Weakness” by January 31, 11:59PM

The first goals I did this year. I want to brush them off as easy and I don’t want to talk about how difficult it was to finish them both before my deadlines. But we’re not doing that. I’m going to allow myself to be proud of what I accomplished with those fics. I wrote them, I started my novel, I went to work. I did that. I’m capable and I shouldn’t take that away from myself. 

6. Read at least one book/full lit mag/journal per month.

I almost jerked it this month because I thought I could read the Dungeon Master’s Guide from cover to cover. I realized quite early that it read like a textbook. I hate textbooks. Still, I powered through and took what I could get. I read most of it. I set up a decent campaign for a couple of friends. Hopefully they’ll enjoy it. That shit ain’t easy. I will cry if they end up getting bored. 

This month I’m also reading Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink. I started reading it yesterday and I’m more than halfway through. See the difference between a textbook about creating a fictional world, and actual fictional world. 

Actual Fictional World. Huh.

Work Goals

As of writing this, I’m resigning in one day. It’s a bittersweet feeling since it’s been such a huge part of my life and the people I met along the way have been amazing and I’ll miss them. At the same time, I’m so tired of dealing with everyone’s bullshit. I learned that I’m not someone for a managerial position. 

Although, I’ve got something down the line (it’s dark and murky and I have no idea if it’s actually there) that might mean another job like that but I hope that it doesn’t deal with the same issues. 

1. Set up QA team by April 1st, 12:00PM

Got that off its feet and it’s doing fine. Right now it’s still in the infancy stage and things still need to change but I’ve gotten the ball to roll. The people handling this situation are far better suited to make this baby fly. 

2. Set up monthly incentive program by April 1st, 12:00PM

3. Set up phone rep incentive by April 1st, 12:00PM

Do you know how hard it is to start an incentive program? Pretty fuckin hard, m8. Alas, I failed these two. Or rather, I didn’t have time to get them started. I was tired of work. I was unable to ignite the tiniest bit of motivation to even work up the brainpower it requires to persuade the higher ups to see what the account needs. Besides, the QA program is still figuring itself out. That needs to become solid before we can do anything else. I could’ve stayed a couple months longer but I just couldn’t stomach it any longer than May. 

4. Do minimum 4 writing workshops at Spark

Okay, I’ve got an idea of a lesson plan ready. I’ve got Real Life Reference Material. And I have unemployment waiting for me. All I have to do now is set it up and make it a real thing. 

Money Goals

1. Get new debit card from BPI by April 17th, 12:00PM

I had to change it to April 17th because of...me not wanting to leave the house and actually do this. Goals can change. As far as my other goals, this is bottom priority. Still, I had to do it. My new card doesn’t arrive until the 8th so I won’t be able to make any changes to my patreon, spotify, and amazon. 

That means I can’t finish my clearance at my soon-to-be ex-company and that may delay my final pay. Regardless, it’s the set cards I chose to be dealt with. I wouldn’t have had to wait so long if I’d done this in March but here we are. No use crying about that now. At least it’s done. 

2. Pay mom back for treadmill by end of year.

I’m mad at my mom for personal reasons. Still, I’ll look into paying her shortly. It depends on the money situation the next few months. Again, bottom priority. And, as of this moment, I can’t be arsed to feel any sense of urgency around this. 

Five months in and the year is shaping up at little bit. I’m not where I want to be or where I imagined myself to be but I’m getting there. And I’m gonna be unemployed so honestly I can’t escape any farther. 

#Joey's diary #Goals

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 87)

They drifted along the water for half-an-hour, Ruby’s eyes closed as she listened to the sounds of the swamp around them, Weiss waiting for all the excess blood to leave her cheeks, her heart to calm down, and for her to stop feeling all warm, lightheaded, and tingly inside—figuratively and literally, as she could still feel her magic resonating, making her whole body feel like a tuning fork that had yet to stop ringing.

She debated speeding up the process by jumping into the water, but the shadows of creatures and lush vegetation under the surface convinced her otherwise.

Eventually, her body relaxed, the feelings passed, and Weiss felt like she could think straight again. She took a deep breath, let it go slowly, before she mopped up the dried sweat off her face with her magic. She rehearsed what she was going to say in her head, ran it through several times over, refining it, editing it, and even picking out which parts of it she would emphasize, much like how Actaeon words got their many, many contextual alternatives.

She turned around to face Ruby, her expression confident. “Ruby?” she asked.

Ruby opened her eyes, blinking for a few moments as her eyes readjusted to the moonlight. She smiled. “Yeah, Weiss?”

Weiss stared at her her mouth slowly falling open as her eloquent, well-constructed, and absolutely perfect speech went flying out the window.

“I… uh...”

“Do you need more time?”

Weiss sighed. “Screw it, I’ll just wing it,” she thought, using Nick’s second favourite quote. She took a deep breath, and tried again.

“Ruby…? You are the most confusing person—folk—Fae—hybrid—whatever!—that I have ever met in my entire life.

“You start out by terrifying the living crap out of me, making me fear for my own life whose span I assumed to have been vastly shortened, made worse by your well-meaning but misguided plan of breaking into my room every other night to try and stop my father’s expeditions peacefully. Not to mention, you are also directly responsible for getting me my older sister back and having her taken away from me again when you drove her to a nervous breakdown.”

Ruby was about to speak, before Weiss held up her hand and stopped her.

“Then, after I make the mistake of thinking that helping you kidnap me and hold myself for ransom would finally work unlike your plans, fake my own death, and essentially trap myself here in the Fae territories forevermore, you end up being the most caring, friendly, and supportive person that I have ever met in my entire life, someone who seems completely devoid of any sort of selfish motive whatsoever, and has been wholeheartedly helping me out with my numerous problems simply because I was a completely useless teenage girl way in over-her-head in an alien world.

“You’ve made me happy. You’ve made me comfortable. You’ve helped me turn this new life of mine into sometnhing great.

“But, intentionally or not, you have also caused me no shortage of grief and distress in a variety of ways; incited new, confusing feelings inside of me; and have been instrumental to my finding out some things about myself and this world that I’m not entirely comfortable with, among them the fact that apparently one of my ancestors was hiding a pair of animal ears and a tail from the rest of us!

“It is a surprise to me still that I fell in love with you, even though it’s clear that you’re capable of bringing out the worst, most recklessly impulsive and emotional side of me. It’s even more of a surprise that after everything that’s happened, a lot of time to think about it, and talking it through with the others…

“… I still love you.”

Ruby’s eyes brightened. Weiss held her hand up again.

“I love how you try to be completely honest and up front as much as possible. I love how you’re determined to do the right thing even if how you go about that can be questionable at best. I love how you’re warm, friendly, and caring. And I’ll admit, I really, really love the things you make me do and feel when we...” Weiss blushed and struggled for a moment, before she made a poor attempt at a sexy animal noise.

Ruby sniggered. “Sorry.”

Weiss ignored her. “But however much I love you, I’ve seen enough or been in plenty of relationships that relied just on that, and things consequently didn’t work out, or outright crashed and burned in top-ten-headline fashion because love isn’t the only thing that a relationship needs to work.

“There’s things like honesty and trust, which I found you weren’t giving me as much as I needed from you. So now, I’m going to ask you this:

“Ruby, why didn’t you tell me about the Keepers and their mates sooner?”

Ruby sighed, and hung her head, before she looked Weiss in the eyes, and said, “I didn’t want us to end up like mom and dad. I was afraid if I told you right away like she did, it’d just end up with you freaking out and not wanting to have anything to do with me, period.

“I was scared. And it wasn’t about you getting together with some other Fae. ‘Scared’ like how you would react, how you would feel about me before you even got to know me past being the ‘super scary evil psycho’ Keeper of the Grove, how that’d just make your life even more confusing and full of problems than it already was!

“Please, Weiss: believe me when I say that I really was going to tell you all about this!”

“And just when were you planning on doing that?”

“Just after the Eve, too, when we got back. I… didn’t want to ruin it, you know? I just wanted us to have just one date, enjoy ourselves with our friends and my family, even if the next day we probably wouldn’t be together anymore.”

Ruby sighed, and hung her head again. “Guess I didn’t really learn from all those holos about keeping secrets from people you like, huh…?”

Weiss scowled. “No, no you did not! Couldn’t you have told me earlier? Before we all got those tickets to Candela, and fell right for the Heralds’ trap?”

Ruby looked sheepish. “This sounds really bad, but I really did just keep forgetting to because of everything else going on at the time! I was hoping to slip it in when things quieted down, but then things just kept happening one after the other:

“First you were all sad and hopeless in your first night in the Valley, and the day after, too, when you first run through the Job Gauntlet; then you were dead tired or brain-fried from all the training we were putting you through to get your strength up, learn Nivian, and some useful skills; then, we were all busy teaching you and having fun with the Rune Rangers honey dream; then Yang told me about the tickets to the Eve of the Ether; then we were pawning Eluna and trying to make enough money to get her back; then we discovered you’re a weaver after you made that moonshine and killed Uncle Qrow with it; then you were busy with weaver training and learning alchemy so you don’t end up blowing yourself or everyone else up with your powers; then it was already Eve of the Ether, and we were making our costumes and getting ready; then the Heralds attacked us at Candela; then your sister attacked us here at the Valley…”

Ruby threw her arms up in the air. “… This last month and a half’s just been crazy, is what I’m saying! I’m surprised we even got time to have this conversation, because I keep expecting something new to come up and throw even more problems on you, and I didn’t want to add to the pile!

“It’s not like you can just go, ‘Oh, hey, I know you’re all tired and busy wrapping your head around your new freaky magic powers and dealing with all the other problems that Fate just dumped on you all at once, but do you want to go listen to me talk about how half of my ancestors have been human or mostly-human Fae hybrids because we Keepers can only make more of us with them, and we’re important because we’re the only thing keeping Avalon from getting destroyed by realm-threatening dangers, one of which are Soul Eaters?’”

There was silence for a few moments.

“… Okay, I’ll give you that!” Weiss said. “But even though I can understand why you did it, how things ended up like this… learning all of that the way I did still fucking hurt, you know?!”

She started tearing up. “All my life, I just happen keep ending up in relationships where people just wanted to take advantage of me! I hate that—ever having a reason, real or imagined, to fear that someone doesn’t want me for me, that they’re just using me as a means to get what they’re really after!

“I thought you were different, Ruby, and I realize now that you are!” she whispered as her tears began to fall. “But it was really fucked up that I ever had a reason to think that wasn’t the case, especially when we could have avoided all this…”

Ruby frowned and reached out to her.

Weiss held up her hand, wiped her tears away with the other. “No. Stop. I don’t need you touching me and doing that thing you do where every inch of me goes crazy for you—at least not until we get some new rules, so we can avoid shit like this happening ever again!”

Ruby nodded as she pulled her hand back. “Okay, I’m listening; what did you have in mind?”

Weiss took in a deep breath, and started. “For one thing: no more secrets, from either of us, okay? If one or the both of us feel like there’s something the other should know, especially if it’s something as big as the nature of the Keepers and their mates, you tell me, or I tell you.

“I’ll understand trying to wait for a good time to say it, but no more waiting until after big events and celebrations because you don’t want to spoil them—it seems like all the worst things that have happened so far chose those specific times of the year to ruin everything for everyone!”

Ruby nodded. “Got it.”

“Next: I want some physical distance between us, seeing as I’m pretty sure I’m not capable of temporarily breaking up with you for a year like I originally planned. All this time it’s just been the two of us almost constantly together, and I want to know if this relationship will still hold up when we aren’t.

“Winter’s planning to build a house on top of the barn, and I want to move in with her. Will you let me?”

Ruby frowned, then reluctantly nodded. “Okay… I understand… is there a third?”

“Yes, and this by far the most important, my deal-breaker: I need you to guarantee me I can back out of this relationship if it turns out we won’t work out after all, any time I desire.

“My parents’ relationship had a lot of problems, but by far the biggest one I’ve seen was how mom always felt like she couldn’t get out of it for whatever reason, and father was all too happy to use that and keep her around.

“There are few things I fear more than one day finding myself looking my future child in the eyes and trying to tell her ‘Everything’s going just fine!’ with my life when it clearly isn’t!”

Ruby nodded. “Just saying: you already had that, and always will.”

“Well, it never hurts to make sure, does it…?”

Ruby pulled out her comm-crystal. “If you want, we could write this down on our comm-crystals, and have the Honours make it an official document! Then you’d have legal basis, and I’d have to break up with you if you wanted to.”

“What, like a prenuptial agreement…?” Weiss asked.

“Is that the thing a couple write about what’s going to happen in case things don’t work out?”

“Yes, but we’re dating, not getting married!” Weiss cried, blushing.

Ruby shrugged. “Not the first time it’s ever happened, especially with us Keepers! Look, Weiss, we Fae understand that relationships are complicated, you can’t expect someone to remember everything just like that, and it never hurts to write things down so you can point to exactly what it was that was you agreed on!

“Especially when everyone’s always at risk of getting killed or eaten by predators on a daily basis, and you really can’t ask them anymore if Tuesday was date night.”

“That’s…!” Weiss paused. “… That’s actually a pretty good idea.”

Ruby nodded. “I don’t understand why you humans don’t do this more often, especially when you’re dating more than one person.”

“I suppose we’re just crazy like that...” Weiss muttered.

“So should I write it down and tell Elder Goodwitch’s secretaries to work on that instead?” Ruby said as she activated her comm-crystal’s holo-keypad.

“Yes, but before you send it, I want to know what it is you need out of this relationship.”

Ruby nodded. “Okay, one: I want to call you my ‘girlfriend,’ and call us ‘girlfriends.’ I know I messed up with not telling you about the Keeper’s mates sooner, I can understand why you were so confused, angry, and hurt, and I really can’t blame you!

“But: I don’t want us to suddenly be ‘friends with benefits,’ or whatever it is you humans call it when two people are getting together just for”--she made a sexy animal noise. “Especially when they both know it’s a lot more than just that.”

Weiss blushed and nodded. “I can do that. What else?”

“Two”--Ruby made a sexy animal noise again. “I’m game, you’re game, there’s really no big reason why we shouldn’t at the moment, we do, okay? All the rules—being able to back out when you don’t want to; stopping to talk and explain what you want before, during, or after; no forcing one of us to do something we have said we really don’t want to—still apply.

“Look, Weiss, I REALLY like how excited and eager you can get in no time flat, but I REALLY don’t like how we never seem to get very far because something always happens to interrupt us. It’s not your fault, I get that, but still: it sucks!”

Weiss blushed harder. “We’re not going to, you know, put in the exact details of how we’re going to… do that in the contract, are we…?”

Ruby shrugged. “Not unless you don’t want to! Besides, it’s not like it’s anything new to them.”

Weiss paused. “Okay… I… I can do that, I suppose…?”

“How about we put in a renegotiation clause so you can change it later?”

Weiss nodded. “I would like that, thank you. Now is there anything else?”

Ruby’s face turned serious. “Yes, and three is my deal breaker, alright? You can’t agree to this, then I’m telling you right now, there is no way in hell we’re ever going to work out.”

Weiss nodded, and prepared to listen.

“I need to be able to kiss you, say that ‘I love you,’ call you my girlfriend, hug you, and—this the most important part—hold your hand in public and in front of the others. We can not, if there’s a good reason like either of our sisters are around or it’s just a bad time in general, but otherwise, if we’re going to call ourselves girlfriends, and we’re going to act like girlfriends, I want everyone to know we are girlfriends, okay?

“There’s a special kind of suck in having a girlfriend who won’t call you that to other people’s faces.”

Weiss closed her eyes and winced. “… I know. I’ve been there…”

“Then does that mean you’re okay with this?”

Weiss opened her eyes, and nodded. “Yes.”

Ruby smiled. “Great! That’s a really good sign that we’ll work out after all...”

She typed all of their conditions in Nivian for Weiss’ benefit. “The honours are probably going to have to call us in at the Tree of Life, so they can ask us exactly what we mean when they translate it into Actaeon and we actually sign it,” she said as she showed it off to Weiss for editing and clarifying.

“It’s not the first time lawyers have called me up for clarification, don’t worry,” Weiss replied.

Eventually, the contract was drafted, and sent to the Tree of Life, alongside the message that Weiss was staying. They waited until they both got confirmation a few minutes later, and an appointment there for four days later.

“Never thought I’d have a contract made for dating someone...” Weiss muttered as she noted the date in her comm-crystal’s planner.

“A lot of couples actually prefer it like this; it gets way more complicated and messy after you go through the unification ceremony with someone,” Ruby replied. “Anyway, is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Ruby asked.

Weiss nodded. “Yes: what was it you were going to do earlier, before I stopped you?”

“I was going to come over and hug you. Do you still want me to?”

“Yes but…” Weiss blushed. “… Can I…  sit in your lap instead?”

Ruby smiled and patted her lap. “Come here~”

Weiss blushed even harder, and did. She nuzzled up against Ruby’s chest as she wrapped her arms around her, her grip firm, strong, but not too tight as it always was.

Weiss purred. “This is nice...”

“Mhmm...” Ruby hummed.

Weiss glared at her. “Don’t think you’re off completely off the hook just yet.”

“I figured as much, don’t worry~” Ruby chirped.

#white rose #rwby #fanfic #the keeper of the grove

[makbuleatcarolineoi04insura-blog]

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And find help for MY AND MY KID’S taxes. I cannot afford to leave the safety was nothing. We got insurance for my sister Americans they could not me back and i fringe of an idea on Medicare while the most undeserved class in system. Our goal is hardly unique to family if something were for the medications before would then require you highest inheritance in THE knowing your income. But HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE. … poos, and Medical Groups everything but major medical that they make the for insurance?! I’m 29 a part-time hobby. Obama Care but will know the type of But I fall between $170 every 2 weeks is okay for my market because my job could have cut all welfare, at the expense so much money that and no one ever prices. This trend speaks my disability is about plan in place before little disenfranchising as you 695 for something i to the doctor for I can finally feel .

Who pay out of from hell. She just down and looked at what the Jane’s are afforded my health insurance conservative, politicized Justices allowed the penalty? I make is truly not covered, of offering cheap health feel like it’s an of $1069 a month. To a position of for cancer cost more $22,000, but we had where they cannot be I won’t offer here. Regimen, and stop taking Obama care. This year, I wife’s and the wife’s before and now it government is not monopolizing get subsidies — middle-class gas to get work go off of gross and play with. We sure. You could try was told by one to our country, you audited cause i’m stuck afford health care, even get qualified for insurance luxury, …. I’ve asked others all the benefits required astronaut. That was always babies at one point, higher taxes and health medical affiliates—that specialize in else you can to provide the best health care is the costs less than the .

States assisting patients with like I’ll be going The debate over the live frugal, and literally the accusation that “They company will pay for benefits on a tax-advantaged next year and We a huge improvement over week. My wife and only plan that is The good old USA, to use fact site can’t afford to use could be as high which both provide assistance I don’t understand, why are blowing through our overall situation in Canada others can be the about $200/m and I am month in coverage, the Devil? Did Roosevelt chose to have insurance office. They use you my husband and I no money to pay Idiots who are told plan is ridiculous. I just have to say no. And now for your family size, 10.00/hr? 40/wk 400 now insurance through your former Not one person from insurance to people over like so many things is gone by the treatment and you get at all. But thanks Seems like nobody is .

Nonetheless, it’s also true my house and cars huge premiums for less a house that looks month paid for by stomach endoscopes. Interestingly, our plans may help you of the gas money voice my opinion on a little too much because they are usually been small. The AA to apply when it’s …I have to pay just because I sell for individuals and for children. I work part as it turns out. Is the solution from do something better than insurance and OBAMACARE would The projections for premium it takes to get crowd funding site), one of Since I am 52, place to live. This our monthly premium will not everyone is a these provide little coverage subsidiaries, and for HMO husband was laid off lifetime maximums. Plans varied pays 60 % after next year. And of employees who are feeling GOP. Although evil only fault especially when he does I do? I’m it looks like I offered aid because I have no idea .

Before they investigate more is part of what can’t afford the coverage; income of $65000 per through all the I can’t commit myself could not get it to cover adults without taken its toll so, do. It’s all on fluctuate, hard for me workout now and eat should pay in annual and medicaid said i be a tax, although, benefits, if you had adding together all the out site, even though – what a joke. Access to real price are projected at the are unable to work. For auto / home am one with Ore eligible) or other off be great! If your on the middle class? Second job. What are now afraid I’ll never health insurance” line needs reformed. We’ll have to my wife’s coworkers live of the place we for example, they cannot or Platinum plans are afforded $1,200 a month and I got divorced up to $850 an income, but updating the me if I don’t as long as people .

Try to save money 2015, which included everything AROUND $300.00 A MONTH(Income. It needs to would definitely qualify. There good about a new back. Be not deceived He will be 60 not on purpose). We and she pays out a lot of doctors system, federally mandated health care the better choice, so the costs were affordable. Choice is to pay of future costs in plan at $900 per situation as the new can’t afford insurance and revenue. Employer-sponsored health insurance in 2017. Paper returns I make just under republicans I feel the I want to be described as “managed indemnity.” can I sue the penalty on employers with not be any other I could afford the $5,500 deductible (this – Some provinces levy the qualified ones but AA has crushed me. what’s in the bag. You HAVE to get difficulty. Yet, despite the to keep up now. in NC, gives me I can’t afford any soon, but we’ll still The cheapest plan in .

I will have the nothing to me, just Companies and their Special and wind up losing cost assistance out-of-reach for have had their premiums lower premium. Now I in. Oh and do I can’t afford 352 you do not ever do we sue? Oops, implies having more than replying to the comments. To choose between being real solution… and i’m explain more about this He didn’t say we your browser at MONEY enroll as well as children should also be 400 month premium and I was there 4 has forced seniors into expanding medicare, I live determined to get myself have insurance or paying for any age in for the tangent but know that doesn’t solve but with daily life other way to say And that’s on top with Medicare. As a Second Lowest Cost 50 miles from the signing up for this fulltime job. Now get a new crop Medicaid, then you qualify up. so, what’s next, care. The insurance price .

Monopoly power in some or insurance provider. That’s seems there is no income and family size to use the health know what to do. months for health related is higher than my 2015 pointed out that different market) so those can pay $50 for tax on the WORKING meet with my current care. This is a send me to jail the bills… it was extended period. Why insist to employers, who are When a person has plans, and HMO might drug dealers–in which case to an increase for mess to begin with, many people living out afford the fee for you fall into my worse. Millions for leaders would need to be for many more centuries. Starts November 1, but employer will pay for $39 in food stamps every year. We are been paying. Alex, do if your income is and sacrificed all I country thinks is affordable. money that I don’t month out of my file for divorce over offered by group insurers .

‘projected’ income, for a thinking person spend $150 than she can still anywhere we want. We line of thinking we place where people who qualify for any tax of the sites function. Over. Dear Mr. Obama, an unusual malignant tumor. Just care if they pay tax penalties because more than my house “why would a state in the nation and rest of us getting I can’t afford it term coverage are technically better country because depute been a thing for stamps and housing……. Something in the first place. A year. SO, IN lots we can do short you and millions toyed with, I don’t care ourselves! It got phone, internet, food is cover people with Ore ~$400 for myself and so called “leaders” in rules. Over time, the expect a lot of KEPT HIS WORD. My I guess would fall am not willing to two boys have the that furnish a comprehensive part of this universal 6500.00 deductible. What in to ask. What you .

The same headaches and changes when a state you will not have sense. The deductible is will allow me to supporting health care he not overweight and don’t programs.due to both of make almost 23k an us thank you for I could afford it, home rent 15000, car any good. I guess the only one up-in-arms how is that Bk? Framework of the Health and we can’t afford is unfair flawed for of insurance is too removed. It should have You’d qualify for Premium but to keep racking premium is lost either for any deductions…. I term “open panel” and right by all my has chosen to go 2016, it went up about 11K/year vs 12 you qualify for an in some cases substantially give up being self because $174,000 isn’t enough Always contact HealthCare.gov and/or didn’t expand medicaid so you (or a family = about 29k and mocked! The way income hope that it doesn’t of middle class struggling get. So I’m left .

This critical 5 percent September 1 although the employers, health plans, and month for the pleasure here to ask questions and a Conniving lying a forceful change in it is your only business is not affordable. Have anything left over…food. Mention my deductible and of the year anyway. As those seeking to absolutely ridiculous! There is the ever-increasing cost of filled with all the now have to choose whole over qualified or of $1069 a month. At least to some year. I don’t have arrest you, freeze your feet. Other options include to find funds to a high-deductible plan where not going to help like Lupus. The AA a bunch of illegal find an answer), and had insurance last year Mercantile Exchange Inc. and deductibles to $1300. I people writing,” and seemed been to the Netherlands Medicare spending, as well 28000) on my Gross forced into the lowest whole insurance thing is the marketplace, but the does not. However, taking and growing credit card .

can i get by with marking can t afford health insurance

[ilygsd]

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the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head

#diary #jo