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sweetlysilent · 3 years

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Apartment 509 (Epilogue)

Pairing: Roomate!Fuckboy!Tom x Reader

Summary: To happy endings and new beginnings.

A/N: *taps mic* Is this thing on? Hello everyone! Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve updated this story. I’ve quite literally made y’all wait years for this epilogue and I’m so sorry for that. However, the time has finally come for it to end. I can’t even begin to express how grateful and appreciative I am for all of you that have stuck by me and read it along the way. I had so much fun writing this story and sharing it with all of you. That being said, I hope you all enjoy the end to Apartment 509. Much love. ❤️

Apartment 509 (Masterlist) | Main Masterlist

Six years later..

If someone were to tell you years ago that you’d fall in love with your roommate you would have laughed and told them that they were crazy. That you weren’t that type of person to fall into that fantasy story.

Boy were you wrong about that.

If you were being honest you weren’t sure if you were ever going to find your person, a part of you had given up, just accepting the fact that you’d be single forever, but then the universe threw it’s plan at you like a ton of bricks. You truly never expected to fall in love the way you did, but now you couldn’t be more grateful.

Becoming roommates with Tom and Jacob was the best thing to ever happen to you, not only was the apartment a saving grace for your time of need, but you made new friends and you found your person as well.

Needless to say Tom and you didn’t get along so well in the beginning which was no surprise there, you couldn’t stand fuckboys, and that’s what intrigued him more about you. You never saw yourself dating the type of person you used to despise, yet you proved yourself wrong.

You couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh, thinking back at all the memories of the past couple years. It was definitely a wild ride, something you were surprised you made it out of, but with Tom by your side you knew you could accomplish anything.

“What is that beautiful mind thinking of?” His voice snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to turn your head and look at him. “Just thinking about how insane these past few years have been, how much my life has changed, how much yours has too.” You smiled softly at him, your fingers tracing his cheek gently.

Tom adjusted himself under the sheet covers, pulling you closer to his chest as he pressed a light kiss to your forehead. “I will agree to that, so much has happened to us, but I couldn’t be more thankful and blessed.” He hummed, his fingers caressing your back soothingly.

You melted into his touch, a smile on your lips as your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling. You both laid in silence for a few moments, just enjoying one another’s presence, until Tom lifted his head causing you to open your eyes.

“As much as I love laying here with you darling, we do have a party we have to start getting ready for.” Tom whispered, his voice soft and calm as you pouted, burying your face into his shoulder, pressing a faint kiss to his bare skin.

“I know, but I’d love to spend all day in bed with you.” You whined, making him chuckle, his chest vibrating making you smile widely. “I would love that too, but our friends wouldn’t want to experience this.” He teased, making you laugh and pull away from him.

“You’re right.” You huffed out, staring at the ceiling as Tom grinned at your childish behavior, something he thought was adorable. “Plus, we have two little munchkins who will destroy this house if we don’t get out there.” He pointed out, causing your eyes to widen just at the thought.

“Do you know how long it took to get jelly out of Mason’s hair the other day?” You glanced over at him, “An hour. A full hour Thomas! That boy thought it was your hair gel and wanted to be like his daddy.” You squinted your eyes at him as he gave you a sheepish smile.

“What can I say, he has good style! Just needs to use the right products and well.. Not food to do it.” Tom laughed, hopping out of the comfortable bed before you could whack his arm. You gave him a playful glare as he winked at you, disappearing into the bathroom.

You let out a content sigh, hearing the water run in the bathroom as you looked around the bedroom. Your life was completely different than how it was five years ago.

Not only did you graduate college, while being pregnant might you add, but you also started dating Tom. Once you gave birth to your beautiful baby boy Mason, you and Tom decided it was time to start house hunting. You both knew the apartment wasn’t a big enough space for a child, plus you both didn’t want to bother Jacob as well.

You both had been saving up money for a while, wanting to eventually find a house to buy, and then one day while you were searching online, you found your dream home. You quickly ran out to show Tom, and the second he saw it his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

Within the next two hours you and Tom went to go walk through the house, whilst Jacob being the best friend he is, babysat Mason. Tom and you knew once you got done walking through the beautiful home that it was perfect.

You both did some talking with the realtor, sorting out some things with the house and land, but in the end, you both decided that it was too perfect to pass up. A couple more hours of signing papers and details that Tom ended up taking over, you both were now the new owners of a gorgeous home.

Needless to say you both were extremely excited.

Once you both returned to the apartment Tom was eager to break the news to Jacob, who was super happy for the both of you. You let the two boys talk while you took Mason back to your room, getting a bottle ready for him.

Over the course of a couple weeks you both moved things out of the apartment and into your new house, with the help of Jacob, Harrison, and Madison of course. Once everything was finally moved in you all had dinner and relaxed.

You were extremely thankful to have such amazing friends.

Weeks after you started living in your new house, things were going great, you both along with Mason were the happiest you’d ever been. However, you were nowhere near prepared for what was about to happen.

You came home one day after being out with Madison, she had wanted to do a fun girls day, of course you were a bit anxious, you didn’t want to leave Mason, but Tom convinced you to go have fun and that he could watch him.

So, you ended up going out with her and having a blast, you didn’t realize how bad you needed to get out and let go. You both ended up getting your hair and nails done, along with some lovely shopping.

By the time you arrived back at your house it was evening, you bid Madison goodbye, making your way up to your front door, only to enter and see rose petals scattered along the floor, small lit candles making a path for you to follow.

You couldn’t help but smile, shaking your head at how adorable he was being. You set your bags down at the door, following the lit path and rose petals that lead you outside to the backyard. However, Tom was nowhere to be found.

You glanced around the yard, your eyes landing on a small folded up letter on the glass table.

My dearest Y/N,

As you can see I’m nowhere to be found, but what you can find is a stunning red dress that I know you’d look gorgeous in. Meet me at our favorite place.

Love, Tom

You couldn’t help but smile widely at his cheesiness, but you loved it just as much. You opened the box that was underneath the letter, a beautiful red dress sitting prettily in it. With zero hesitation you rushed back into the house, slipping into the dress, admiring how it hugged your body in all the right places.

You made sure your makeup and hair looked good, and then you headed down the stairs, grabbing your car keys and heading out the door. The drive to the area wasn’t too long, you knew it like the back of your hand.

About ten minutes later you pulled up to the place, the sun had begun to set, causing the sky to turn into a beautiful sunset. You got out of the car, seeing more rose petals and candles creating a path for you.

You began to follow them along the wooden path, your eyes widening when you saw Tom standing in the middle of the field. His head snapped over towards you, his eyes drinking you in as you smiled warmly at him.

He looked extremely good, he was dressed up in a black suit, his hair slightly gelled back but not too much to the point where you couldn’t see his curls. The river of water flowed behind him, as a light warm breeze blew.

You carefully made your way towards him, your nerves skyrocketing as you got closer. Eventually you made it up to him, a happy yet nervous smile on your face as you stood in front of him.

“I see you found my note.” He grinned teasingly, making you laugh and nod your head as he grabbed your hands gently in his. “This whole thing is beautiful Tom, the dress, the roses and candles, our place, the sunset.” You gushed, a wide smile on your lips as he smiled adoringly at you.

“I’m glad you like it.” He rubbed your hands with the pads of his thumbs. “Like it? Tom I love it, this is perfect.” You smiled at him as he grinned. “I do have to ask though, what is all of this for? Did I forget a date night?” You tilted your head at him slightly, watching as he inhaled a deep breath.

“No, no you didn’t forget a date night.” He let out a small chuckle, clearing his throat as his nerves started to set in.

“I did all of this because tonight is a special night, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while, but it was never the right time, until now.” He nervously spoke, his eyes fixed on yours as you felt your heart starting to race in your chest.

“The day we met I knew that you were the one, of course we had our ups and downs but that just made us stronger into who we are today.” Tom began, licking his lips as he held your hands in his, his palms getting sweaty.

“I was a broken guy who slept with random girls to fill a void I was missing, I never knew what love was, until I met you.” He smiled warmly at you, making you smile in response. “I look at us now and I always think, ‘wow, I am so lucky to have this wonderful person in my life, I don’t know what I’d do without them.’” He chuckled, making you laugh quietly with him, tears rimming your eyes.

“Not only that but we have our amazing son Mason and I couldn’t be more grateful.” He beamed, squeezing your hands.

“Y/N, you have brought so much happiness and joy into my life, I love waking up with you sleeping next to me, I love taking care of Mason with you, I love making so many memories together, but most importantly, I love you so much, so..” He paused, letting go of your hands as he got down on one knee, pulling a small black box out of his jacket pocket.

You covered your mouth with your hands, tears slipping down your cheeks as he opened the box revealing the most gorgeous diamond ring you had ever seen.

“Y/N, will you marry me?” He looked up at you, his own eyes brimming with tears as you nodded your head rapidly. “Yes! One hundred percent yes!” You cried out as he quickly stood, taking a step towards you as he pulled you into a passionate kiss.

You both broke away, laughter leaving both your mouths as tears slipped down each of your cheeks. Tom held your hand, slipping the blinding ring onto your finger with shaky hands.

“I love you so much.” He murmured, pulling you in for another kiss as you smiled against his lips, “I love you so much more.” You whispered against his, making him smile widely in response.

What you didn’t expect next was for all your friends to emerge out of hiding, cheers erupting from their mouths making you and Tom both smile brightly. Madison was holding Mason while Harrison was taking pictures of the entire proposal. Jacob was clapping and holding a bottle of champagne.

Needless to say, it was the most magical and special proposal you’d ever had.

“You’re still in bed?” You heard your husband chuckle, your eyes darting over to see him all dressed and looking sexy as ever. “Of course, it’s comfy here, plus I was just thinking about the day you proposed to me.” You grinned at him as his cheeks flushed a light shade of red.

“That day and our wedding day will forever be two of my most favorite moments in life.” He smiled lovingly at you, walking over and pressing a short kiss to your lips. “What are the other ones?” You questioned, curious about what he was going to say.

“Well obviously having Mason and Henry.” Tom stated as if it was basic knowledge, making you snort in response as he smirked at you. “Now go get ready, we have less than three hours to get the house prepped and to tell everyone the big news.” Tom squinted his eyes at you making you laugh and raise your hands in surrender.

“Alright! I’m going, I'm going!” You smiled as you got out of bed, waving him off as you went into the bathroom this time. You spent the next twenty minutes getting ready and tidying up the bedroom. Once you were satisfied with how everything looked, you headed out of the bedroom.

You made your way down the stairs, hearing numerous voices filling your ears as you walked into the kitchen, a smile forming on your lips as you saw Tom helping Mason and Henry. “Look at my three little helpers.” You cooed, hands on your hips as Tom grinned at you, Mason and Henry running over towards you.

“Mom! Look what we did!” Mason tugged on your hand excitedly as Henry held your other hand. You let the boys walk you over towards the counter, your face lighting up at the vase of followers.

“These are beautiful boys, did you cut them to fit the vase all by yourselves?” You beamed at the two of them as they nodded excitedly, eyes wide. “Yes! With daddy’s help.” Henry giggled, making you laugh and pull them both in for a hug.

“Well they look amazing, uncle Harrison and aunt Maddie are going to love them.” You ruffled their hair as they let out a chorus of laughter. Tom however was simply standing off to the side and watching the entire thing, his heart warming at the three people he loved the most.

“Boys, do you want to help me go grab some drinks from the garage?” Tom chimed in, seeing their heads snap over in pure excitement of helping. You couldn’t help but let out a laugh as they went running off in the direction of the garage, a grin on Tom’s lips as he winked at you, following after the two kids.

While Tom had the kids distracted for a moment you spent the next couple minutes organizing the kitchen, making it look presentable and tidy. Once they came back they helped place the drinks on the table, before going outside to play for a bit.

You and Tom spent that time fixing up the rest of the main floor, picking up shoes and toys. Soon enough you heard the doorbell ring throughout the house before footsteps and voices could be heard.

“Your favorite people are here!” Madison announced as she walked into the kitchen, a beaming smile on her face as a guy followed behind her. “Oooh, who is this?” You teased, raising your eyebrows as Madison smiled widely, wrapping her arm around the guys bicep.

“You remember Andrew right?” She wiggled her eyebrows as your eyes widened in surprise. “It’s about damn time!” You cheered, making her and Andrew laugh in response. “It took some time, but he finally asked me to be his girlfriend.” She beamed as Andrew kissed her forehead gently.

“I wasted so much time, I don’t know what the past me was thinking.” He chuckled, making the both of you smile. “Well, I’m glad you two are finally together, you make a great couple and seem so happy.” You congratulated them as Madison broke away from Andrew to give you a hug.

You eventually broke away, walking over to give Andrew a welcoming hug as well and telling him to make himself at home. You knew how much Madison liked Andrew, she had been crushing on him for as long as you could remember. You felt your heart sore at the sight of them, she deserved nothing but happiness and she was finally getting it.

You decided to let them be on their own, going to look for Tom when you heard another pair of voices enter the house. The familiar blonde hair coming into view, a girl also following behind him, as well as Jacob.

You smiled warmly at them all as Tom walked into the kitchen, a smile on his lips as he did his hand shake with the two of them.

“Hey man, I’m glad you all could make it.” Tom greeted them, his eyes landing on the girl then back at Harrison. He gave a small grin as Tom’s eyes widened in surprise.

You however watched this entire interaction in confusion, until your eyes darted down to the girls hand. Your jaw dropping in shock, eyes wide as you made the connection.

“Everyone, this is Natalie, my fiancée.” Harrison introduced her as all of you clapped and cheered, making the two of them blush and laugh. “We’re so happy for the both of you.” Jacob congratulated them as they smiled lovingly at one another.

“I knew you’d find your person.” You smiled happily at the blonde as he smiled back. “Thank you for always believing in me.” He spoke softly, giving you a side hug as you returned it. “Always.” You smiled.

Once you two let go you glanced over at Madison who lifted her glass into the air, clanking a knife against it. “Since we’re doing introductions, I’d also like to introduce you all to someone.” She grinned as Andrew stood beside her, his face flushed.

“Everyone this is my boyfriend Andrew, Andrew this is Tom, Harrison, Natalie, and Jacob.” Madison spoke happily as they all greeted each other. “It’s about time you two got together.” Tom grinned as Harrison and Jacob smirked to one another.

“Does everyone know how much you liked me?” Andrew teased as Madison laughed, shrugging her shoulders. “I wasn’t exactly subtle about it.” She admitted, making you all laugh, shaking your heads at the two of them.

You all talked for a while, catching up and just having a good time together, eventually Mason and Henry came inside saying they were hungry. You all then decided to eat, grabbing all different types of foods that were spread out on the numerous counters.

You all gathered around your outdoor table, chatting amongst each other, sharing stories and laughing. This was the happiest you had seen everyone in a while, nobody once showed any signs of unhappiness or negativity.

You were listening to Madison and Andrew tell a story about a girl they work with, everyone’s focus on them when you felt Tom’s hand grip your thigh gently. Looking over at him he rose his eyebrows at you in a questioning manner as you smiled at him, nodding your head.

You both waited for them to finish telling the story, laughter leaving all of your mouths as Mason and Henry ate their food happily, not fazed by them talking at all.

Once everyone’s laughter died down, Tom rose from his chair, clearing his throat as everyone’s attention focused on him. “I just wanted to start off by saying thank you all for coming, Y/N and I love having you all over, as do Mason and Henry.” He chuckled as the boys smiled goofily at him in response.

“However, Y/N and I have been keeping something from you all for a while, two things actually.” Tom grinned, watching as curious expressions washed over their faces. “We wanted to hold this little gathering to tell you all the amazing news because you’re such important people in our lives.” He explained as everyone smiled at him in response.

“Come on Holland, you’re killing us here.” Madison teased, eager to know what the big surprise was. Tom let out a laugh as did everyone else as he raised his hands in surrender. “Okay okay, the first half of the big news is..” He trailed off, a bright smile on his face.

“I got the role as Spiderman, I’m going to be in the next Marvel movie!” He excitedly spoke, watching as everyone’s eyes widened in pure shock and surprise as you beamed up at him. “That’s amazing man!” Harrison cheered, standing up within an instant and giving his friend a tight hug.

“Wow that’s crazy! I can totally see it though!” Madison congratulated, excusing herself from her chair, joining the hug with Tom and Harrison. “How long have you been keeping that a secret mate?” Harrison chuckled as Tom smirked.

“For the past couple months, it’s been hard, you know how bad I am at keeping spoilers.” Tom laughed as you nodded your head in agreement. “You have no idea how many times I had to cut him off or stop him from accidentally almost posting something on social media.” You teased, making him pout in response.

“It was only a couple of times!” He whined, making you all laugh as you rolled your eyes playfully. “Sure Tommy, whatever you say.” You cooed, making him smile in response.

“Wait, you said there was something else as well that you wanted to tell us?” Madison spoke up, now standing next to Harrison who looked at everyone then back at Tom. “Yes! You are right.” He nodded his head, clapping his hands.

“However, this part is connected to my new job, except it’s not my place to share it.” He grinned happily as his eyes landed on Jacob who rose from his seat. “I also got a job, I needed to get away from my old one, so I took a leap of faith and I auditioned with Tom and I ended up getting the role of Peter Parker’s best friend, Ned Leeds.” He stated happily as everyone clapped loudly.

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!” Madison cheered, giving him a hug as well as Harrison grinned at his two friends. “Wow so many good things are happening for everyone.” Natalie smiled warmly at the group of people surrounding her.

“It gets better though.” Tom chimed in, catching everyone’s attention once more. “I was told I could have an assistant.” He suggestively spoke, his eyes training over towards Harrison whose eyes widened in shock.

“Wait- Are you?” He stammered as Tom nodded his head, seeing Harrison’s face light up. He quickly turned to Natalie, wanting her opinion as she smiled warmly at him. “It’s a great opportunity Haz, take it.” She encouraged him as he pulled her in for a tight hug, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “I love you so much.” He murmured as she whispered it back.

He broke away eventually, turning to face his friend as he held his hand out. “You got yourself an assistant mate.” He grinned as Tom shook his hand excitedly, an ecstatic expression on his face.

“This day just keeps getting better and better.” Madison laughed as Andrew wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s not even done yet.” You smirked, seeing her jaw drop in response. “There’s more news? Lord what have you all been up to.” She laughed as you also stood from your chair, walking next to Tom.

“Well, as you know we live in a beautiful home now, we have our two amazing boys who are busy engulfing that blueberry pie.” You paused to laugh as everyone looked over at the two of them shoveling forkfuls of the sugary substance.

You shook your head in amusement as you trained your focus back on everyone, “Tom and I were talking a while ago about something and well..” You turned to look at your husband who was already beaming with excitement.

“Wait hold on, are you-” Madison began, eyes wide as Tom grinned happily. “We’re pregnant again!” He cheered as everyone let out gasps of surprise as you both laughed.

“No freakin’ way!” Madison shouted excitedly, rushing over to give you a tight hug as Harrison and Jacob went to hug Tom. Natalie and Andrew smiled at the group, even though they were new they could see how much they all meant to each other.

“This is insane! You’re having another little Holland.” She screeched, making you laugh as you nodded your head. “Crazy right? We decided we wanted to have one more, Tom’s really hoping it’ll be a girl.” You smiled warmly at your friend as she covered her mouth, still in shock.

You glanced behind her seeing Andrew watching from his seat, you waved him over as he smiled and walked up to the both of you. “Congratulations Y/N.” He smiled as you thanked him.

“Who knows, maybe you two will be having your own little kids running around soon.” You wiggled your eyebrows at the two of them as they both let out laughs. “Hey now, slow down there, we’re nowhere near ready for that yet.” Madison shook her head as Andrew smirked.

“We’re taking everything one step at a time.” He agreed, nodding his head as Madison kissed his cheek gently. “That’s good to hear, I’m truly so happy for the two of you again.” You smiled at the two of them, rubbing Madison’s shoulder before breaking off to go over to Tom.

“So you’re going to have three little ones running around soon huh?” Harrison grinned as you walked up to Tom, wrapping your arm around his bicep. “Yup, and I can’t wait.” He chuckled as you leaned your head against his arm.

“Well, I can already tell that they’re going to grow up in a wonderful and loving family.” Natalie chimed in making your heart warm at her words. “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you to say.” You replied happily as Harrison wrapped an arm around her waist.

“If there’s anyone who’s fit for parenthood it’s you two.” Harrison agreed, making Tom smile. “Thanks mate, that means a lot.” He nodded his head at his friend as Jacob smiled. “Today really has been full of surprises huh?” He chuckled, making everyone laugh.

“It really has.” Harrison agreed, chuckling as Madison and Andrew walked up to them, glasses of champagne being handed out. “Not for you though, you get some lovely apple cider.” She teased, making you laugh.

Once everyone had a glass she raised hers into the air.

“I wanted to start this speech off by saying thank you for inviting us all here today, it means a lot that you would want to share all of this with us.” She began, looking around at everyone.

“That being said, here’s to friendship, family members who couldn’t be here with us today but are in spirit; along with family members we haven’t met yet, and new opportunities.” She smiled as she spoke as everyone listened quietly.

“We have all grown so much over the past years and I can’t wait for more amazing things to happen for all of us. I love you all.” She sniffled, getting slightly emotional as everyone smiled. She let out a quiet laugh, raising her glass out to everyone.

“Cheers to that!” Tom shouted as everyone cheered along with him, glasses clinking together as everyone took a sip.

After that Jacob decided to turn some music on, grooving around to the tunes as Madison and Andrew joined him, Harrison and Natalie joining as well. Whilst Mason and Henry were busy playing around in the yard as you turned to look at Tom.

He tilted his head down to look at you, his warm brown eyes scanning over your face as you made a funny face at him. He couldn’t help but laugh before pressing a soft loving kiss to your lips.

The kiss was short and sweet, but you could feel every ounce of love he put into it, something you’d cherish forever.

You both glanced around the backyard, looking at all the people that meant the world to you, content smiles on both of your faces as you held each other's hands. Tom’s thumb rubbing over yours as a smirk made its way onto his lips as he dragged you out to the dance floor.

You let out a laugh as he pulled you close to his chest, his arms wrapping around your waist as yours comfortably hung around his neck, your bodies swaying together. Laughter soon filled the air as everyone danced, having a blast together.

It was as if the skies cleared and the sun finally shone down on everyone.

Tom smiled down at you as you caressed his cheek lovingly.

“This is it huh?” You hummed, watching as he let out a chuckle. “Seems that way, things are only going to go up from here.” He replied happily, making you smile.

“As long as I’m with you, nothing else matters.” You murmured, his heart racing at your words as if it was the first time he heard them. “You complete me Y/N, forever and always.” He softly spoke, before pressing his lips against yours in a passionate kiss.

You eventually broke apart, your heart thumping wildly in your chest as he held you close, his eyes pouring into yours as you melted in his touch. You caressed his cheek once more, pulling him back in for a soft kiss.

“Forever and always.”

The End.

- ❁ -

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percywinchester27 · 3 years

Text

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-43)

Word count: 4.1K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: Angst, mentions of PTSD, heartbreak, feels, fluff, spoiler warnings in the tags (it’s no biggie, but in case anyone wants to still check out ;))

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: This is one of the most crucial chapters for this series. I hope you guys like it cause it’s definitely a favourite of mine :)

The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23. Shout out to my best girl. I owe so much to you, Athina. You’re my sunflower <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

The crack in the ceiling was wider than you thought it would be, staring at you from up there, like a river and its rivulets, but disconnected from the source, dried up before reaching the sea that was its destination. Just aimlessly stuck in the middle.

There was an urgent knock on the door. Wiping your eyes, you called, “yeah.”

Madison poked her head through the door. “Can I come in?”

“Umm yeah, sure.”

You sat up in the bed.

Madison came to sit by you on the mattress. You didn’t look up at her, afraid she would see your swollen eyes.

“I know you don’t like to share your problems with anyone,” said Madison. “But I’m here. Just in case you want to talk about what’s hurting you. I haven’t seen you out and about in a while, Y/N.”

Her voice was gentle.

“I can’t tell you what’s wrong because I don’t know what it is myself.”

“Is it about Sam?”

“It is and it isn’t.” Choosing not to elaborate, you drew into yourself against the headrest. This wasn’t about Sam. This was about you being unable to understand your own damn mind and it was hurting Sam- so much. The muteness of his eyes was haunting you… and then there was Max- the sweetest little soul in this world. Every time you thought about him, you wanted to all but break down. What was wrong with you? Because something had to be wrong if you couldn’t accept that boy with all your heart.

You didn’t deserve to be a mother. This was why you could never be one.

“Come down for a bit,” said Madison, tone sympathetic. “All the guys are downstairs at Pam’s. She said something about ‘welcome to the apartment’ free pizza ritual.”

“You go on. I don’t feel like it.”

She looked like she wanted to insist, then decided against it. “If you change your mind, don’t forget your sweater. It’s a chilly evening.”

After Madison left, you couldn’t bear to lay in the bed. The crack in the ceiling was twisting your heart. Outside, the sky was darkening quickly, earlier than it should have.

Walking into the kitchen, you filled the coffee pot with water. Just as you were about to place it onto the machine, the doorbell rang. You knew in your gut who it was, just the way one knows what's coming when the sea starts to recede.

Sam looked distraught. Gone was the carefully concealed blank look from the day before. Today, he had abandoned all attempts to hide his emotions. He wasn’t dressed for work either. Just jeans and plaid, with a bunch of papers rolled in his hands.

Without a word you stepped aside to let him in. Sam sat down on the sofa, looking about himself as if hoping that someone or something would save him from what was about to happen. Again, you simply knew.

“I messed up bigtime, didn’t I?” You whispered, taking a seat opposite him.

Sam, who was decidedly staring at the floor, shook his head. “You didn’t mess up anything, Y/N. You-” His voice broke and he visibly made an effort to speak again. “You tried harder than anyone should’ve had to… and God, this is going to kill me.”

“What is…?”

Sam braced himself. “I love you, Y/N. You have to know that. I would gamble my life away without a second’s thought if it meant I could spend even some of it with you as truly yours. To have you in my arms and not think about whether it’s the right thing to do. But I can’t gamble away Max’s life like that. He’s suffered so much already. I can’t have him start believing with all his heart that you’ll be his mother only for you to compromise. Worse, if a few months down the line, you decide you don’t want to do this, he’ll be shattered. I can’t do that to my boy.”

A single tear rolled down your cheek.

“I know you love him. I’d have to be blind not to see that. But I don’t know if you can love him without a doubt in your mind. I don’t want you to have to adjust into a mother’s role for him, if you aren’t ready. I know you- the guilt of it won’t let you breathe. And asking you to do that just so I could live out my fantasy of a perfect family… won’t be fair to you or Max.”

He flattened the papers in his hand on the table before you. One word glared out of it, strong and bold- Divorce.

He took a ragged breath, then spoke in a fragile voice. “It’s still your decision to make- whether you want to sign these papers or not. If you do, we’ll walk out of your life this time. I haven’t committed beyond this semester to Stanford- another month. Take that time and decide what you really want.”

None of it was surprising you. Not his words, not his actions. Just like that tsunami, you had seen this coming the moment you didn’t respond to Max’s call. Still, the words weren’t sinking in. They were floating in the space between you and him.

“I promised to wait for you… I promised to give you all the time you needed,” he whispered. “That was a selfish promise. There’s nothing else for me now except that wait… but I can’t drag Max along.”

You mutely watched him draw out a pen from his pocket and start flipping through the pages, signing them as he went. The hard matt shadow of the pen scratched at the illusion like quality of the situation. The on and off gold glint pushed at the awareness further. You knew that pen. You knew that it was partly made up of obsidian and you knew the inscription on it- It’s not time to worry yet - Atticus Finch

Sam closed the papers shut and put the pen back in his pocket. You saw him swallow hard and raise one hand towards you in yearning, longing, before rigidly bringing it back to himself. He might have said something more, softly, eyes roving your face, but the words didn’t register, just the utter helplessness in his voice. With one last look, he got up from the chair and left.

The door banging on the frame made you flinch.

It’s not time to worry yet.

We’ll walk out of your life this time.

Drops were beginning to fall on the balcony outside, getting bigger, hitting faster, water dripping down on your carpet through the open window. You sat there, looking at the papers in front of you, not making a move to close the shutters.

The shrill ringing of your phone made you jump up once more. Mechanically, still in a daze, you answered the call.

“Hello. Is this Ms. Y/N Y/L/N?”

A pause.

“Hello?”

You answered. “Yes, speaking.”

The voice said, more relaxed. “I’m Melanie Hawthorn from Acton Griswold. This is regarding your application for the position of a paralegal at our firm. We are very pleased to offer you the said position. Please get in touch with the HR to set up a meeting to discuss the terms of employment. An email with the details is being sent to you shortly. Will you be able to provide me with a tentative date?”

“Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Uh… anytime this week is okay.”

“Thank you. We’ll be in touch.”

*Click*

It’s not time to worry yet.

We’ll walk out of your life this time.

Next second, you grabbed the papers on the table and then you were running, not caring that you were dressed only in your shorts and camisole, not caring that you were bare foot or that it was raining outside- only that with each passing second, Sam was walking away from you.

How many times had you done this to him? Ran away as he watched you go. Once? Twice? Thrice? And yet, here you were unable to bear a single step he took in the other direction. For once in your life you weren’t running away, you were running towards.

Taking the steps two at a time, you ran, almost tripping on the last one, as you passed the safety of the awning and into the thundering rain, your feet slipped on the shabby pavers of the meadow. From here, you could see Sam, slowly walking past the statue, his shoulders were slumped, feet dragging, soaked through and through.

Splashing water with each step, you closed the distance between the two of you. Sam turned around at the last minute. His face made you falter. That was the look of a man who was being burned alive at the stakes. He looked at you and broke down- not tears, but sobs wracking his body. Sam collapsed on the parapet of the statue. The only other time you had seen him lose it completely was in the hospital, telling his brother how he couldn’t face you and tell you that you could never be a mother again. Only you could bring him down on his knees like this- then and now.

Sam put his face in his hands, sobbing into them- lost and broken.

You stood over him, motionless.

“I know why you did it.” The words fell off your lips like cracks of thunder. Maybe low and muted, but with the same devastating power. “I know why you really drafted the papers.”

In your room upstairs, Sam’s defeated eyes had narrated a different story than his words. The words made sense, his reasoning perfectly logical- he wanted to protect his son from a woman who wouldn’t commit to being his mother. Except, you knew Sam. In the past few months, you had re-learned the workings of his soul. He would only pull something this drastic if he firmly believed it to be the only way to do right by both Max and you. No matter if it was at his own expense. The divorce papers weren’t an ultimatum, or a deadline as they appeared to be. They were Sam’s way of offering you an out from this situation with your dignity intact. He was shifting the blame of the failed marriage on himself, ready to face Max’s disappointment and anger, only so you wouldn’t have to live through the guilt of your choice.

Max would see it in black and white. His father had decided to divorce you, just like his father had forbidden him from seeing you after the play-date. Max would yell and curse and be livid, but just like before, he would accept Sam’s decision and eventually forgive him for it. But if Max found out that you were the one unwilling to become his mother, he might never forgive you. With his last act, Sam was sparing you the pain of betraying Max, the pain of seeing the accusal in his eyes. How much exactly did Sam love you? Because this amount of love was unfathomable. It should’ve destroyed his mind!

No one should have to make such a sheer sacrifice for being the good one. No one should have to suffer so much, so quietly. Especially not Sam.

“All these years that we’ve known each other, you’ve never let me thank you,” you said, only determination keeping your voice steady. “Not when you opened doors, or pulled chairs in restaurants, not when you held my hair as I threw up in the toilet at three in the morning because of sickness. You used to tell me we were married and it was your job to look after your wife. You said you weren’t doing me a favour and I stopped thanking you.”

Sam looked up finally, the rain making his tears invisible, but not his anguish.

“Then I saw you here… I can’t possibly tell you how it felt, seeing you in the class. Bumping into you in the corridor and knowing you still use the cologne I gifted, knowing you remembered the taste of my cookies. I was terrified of returning your coat back to you, scared that you’d outright banish me from your life. You brought me home when I was drunk, you pulled me out of the water when I could’ve died and held me through a night of torture. And you didn’t let me thank you for it. It wasn’t a favour, you said. It was your job.”

“But you did me one favour today, Sam Winchester,” you said, getting down on your knee on the coarse ground and holding up the drenched papers to him. “By giving me this, you did me the biggest favour of my life.”

Sam’s face was a mask of shock. You reached out and placed your hand against his cheek. “You showed me exactly what I stood to lose.”

The rain was falling mercilessly now, hitting your skin like shards, running down your bare arms in rivulets.

“Chirp wasn’t the name of our baby… it was the name we gave to our hopes and dreams of the future. I felt that dream die inside me, Sam. I felt him go… and I swear if it wasn’t for you, I would have died that day with him. And that fear… of ever feeling like that again, it kept me under for so long. I was barely there… you kept more of me alive than I did, myself, through that cologne, the pictures… that pen! And you gave me the biggest joy I’ve ever known- that little boy.”

Silent tears glided down Sam’s eyes, still indistinct in the rain. He looked so vulnerable, as if the smallest of winds could shatter him.

“I was scared that I might lose him, Sam. Just like… our first baby. I couldn’t save him, and if anything ever happened to…” you shook your head, refusing to complete that thought. “I would die. Not even you could bring me back then…” Taking in a deep breath you continued. “By handing me the divorce papers, you just reminded me that if you leave with him, I can never lay a claim on Max. I’ll lose him either way… I’ll lose my little Chirp all over again, and I can’t do that. He’s my boy.”

Taking his face in both your hands, you gave him a little shake. “Max is my boy, you understand? He’s my little Chirp.”

“You… You’ll come back?” Sam spoke at last. The disbelief in his voice was painful.

Letting go off his face, you grabbed the wet papers in both your hands and tore them into four pieces. “I’ve been thinking I was jinxed all these years. I was so convinced that I never let your love sway me. But now I can see it’s not true. Because no one who’s jinxed would find someone like you! And I found you twice. I don’t need a damn month to figure this out. I know what I want. I want you! I want us.”

He shook his head, refusing to believe. Afraid to hope again.

You grabbed his face, forced him to look at you again. “I just got a call that I’ve been hired at Acton Griswold. You know what’s the first thing I wanted to do? The only thing I wanted to do? Was to run to you! Just like seven years ago, barefoot in the rain. You make me feel eighteen again.”

You looked him deep in his anguished eyes. “I love you, Sam Winchester. I don’t know how you can’t see that. It’s in the whisper of my every breath, the subtext to my every word. And we… we’re still a lot like us, aren’t we? No, we’re better. We have Max now. We’re a family. Please… Please believe me.”

Sam slipped on the ground next you, on his knees and pulled you to him, crushing your lips against his. His strong arms corded against your back, slipping and sliding against the wet silk of your tank top. It had turned transparent, clinging to your body.

“I believe you,” he whispered desperately against your lips. “God, I believe you.”

You tangled your fingers in his wet hair, kissing him like your life depended on it, the worry, uncertainties, ebbing away from your body, a fierce, wild joy replacing it.

“Say it, say it again, please,” Sam begged in a coarse, broken voice, but it wasn't hopeless anymore. It was ringing with the same ferocity that you felt.

“I love you, Sam. I love you so much.”

He made an animalistic sound and grabbed you by the hips, pulling you impossibly close, his lips fast and urgent against yours.

Someone whistled loudly from behind.

Breaking off the kiss, you turned in the circle of Sam’s arms to see Kevin standing under the stilted awning of the building with a shit eating grin on his face. Others were slowly coming out from Pam’s apartment.

You ignored him, threw your arms around Sam once more and began kissing him. He didn’t let go of you either… not until a shiver ripped through your body. As the high of the adrenalin came down, you suddenly began to feel the cold. Sam tightened his grip on you.

“Oye! Get a room, you two!” Meg shouted. “C’mon, now! Keep it PG 13.”

“Don’t let go,” you pleaded.

“Not a chance,” said Sam. He put a hand under your knee and in one fluid motion hefted you into his arms, not breaking off the kiss.

More cat calls and hoots followed in the background. You could hear Jack howling with laughter, as Sam walked back towards the building carrying you.

“Oh, enough staring at those two,” Kevin said. “C’mon, get out there in the rain. You know the rules. Everyone who loses the bet has to get wet. That’s all of you bitches except Maddie and me. Out now!”

He’d won the bet after all.

Pam blew a raspberry at him and climbed down the steps just as Sam passed her.

“Ah, the sweet, sweet taste of vindication,” Kevin gloated.

“Ah, the acrid, acrid stench of snobbery,” Meg hissed, following Pam. “Don’t go back to the flat anytime soon, Maddie.”

You were hardly paying any attention, as Sam walked you up all the way to your flat. Once inside, you barely made it to the bathroom, before he had you pinned against the wall, lips still urgent, hands roving under your wet camisole. The sight of his closed eyes, the wetness of the rain and tears still clinging to his lashes was like a slow fire inside of you, burning low but not easing- the sweetest of torments. His fingers found the buckle of your bra and you felt him fumble with it, then hesitate.

You grabbed his hand behind your back and held it there. “Don’t stop. Please…”

“Y/N…” He groaned, the need acute to the point of a primal hunger in his eyes. You could see yourself in his lust-blown, dark irises- barely recognising that girl or the hoarseness of her voice as she begged. “Please.”

That was all Sam needed as he grabbed the edge of your top and tore it apart into shreds. At the same time you pushed back his shirt, and then tugged at the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head. Sam didn’t waste another minute before pulling you back into a kiss. He tasted like the wildness of the rain and the bitterness of coffee.

You reached out behind you to unbuckle the bra and let it fall to the ground. Sam shuddered when you leaned into him next. skin touching to skin- wet and slick. “Y/N…”

He hoisted you on top of the bathroom counter. His hand slid down from your shoulders, over your breast, the thumb skating right across it and then further below into your shorts. You looked at him in the moment- a short second, an eternity- saying everything you ever wanted to without a word, listening to everything he wanted to say without a word.

“I need you…” you whispered, head rolling back, chest heaving with loud, ragged breaths, as his pants fell to the floor in a heap of wet denim. He hooked his thumb into the waistband of your shorts and underwear, and tugged them down your legs in one motion.

He put his forehead against yours, catching a breath, bracing himself. This was it. Moulding his lips against your, and biting down on the bottom lip, he pushed inside.

A whimper left your lips, the corners of your eyes starting to sting again. He was as essential to your existence as breath itself was to living.

It was hard and fast and desperate- your teeth scraping against his ears and jaw, fingers digging into his back, and biting his shoulders to muffle the screams. You didn’t say anything coherent except wanting him to go harder and faster… and being ecstatic when he did. You lost count of the number of times you called out his name- in yearning, in commands, in pleas and in prayers till you were both a tangle of bodies on the floor of the bathroom, coming down from the high together.

The rain splattered on the glass panes and you held on to him… letting go now would be a sin. You didn’t know how long you stayed there. Eventually Sam lifted you again, walking you into the shower. Still together, the shower barely lasted five minutes. Once on the bed, he would have let you rest, but you didn’t have it in you to be separated from him now. It would cause physical pain.

So, you drew him back upon yourself. This time it was slow… lazy, languid... relearning the patterns and shapes of each other. You memorised the exact curve of his lips, the hardness of his abs, running your fingers through the soft smattering of hair on his chest.

As for Sam? He was treating you like a mirage that could disappear any given instance now. It broke your heart that the slight wildness in his eyes wasn’t giving way to his usual calmth. The vulnerability of his every move made you want to weld yourself to him, body and soul, so he would never feel this way again- as if he was living on borrowed luck, that anytime now this could be snatched away from him.

You must have told him you loved him several times in the course of the hour, and yet, each time you said it, you felt his heart jump up in his chest under your fingers. Sam. Your Sam.

It must’ve been hours later, when you heard the main door of the flat open and close. Your room was submerged in darkness, neither of you willing to move away first.

With a sigh, you raised yourself on your elbow to turn on the light, it bathed Sam in a warm glow. Bending down, you kissed the tip of his pointed nose, and then his eyelids, one by one.

“Max?” You said.

Sam cleared his throat before speaking. “He’s staying over at Jody’s.”

You frowned.

“I wasn’t expecting to be in any shape to look after him tonight,” he explained. “It would’ve been me and a bottle of scotch. Couldn’t have him see that.”

You kissed the hollow under his neck this time. “Will you do something for me?”

“Anything,” he promised.

“Don’t tell Max. I want to be the one to tell him.”

His galaxy eyes melted. “Of course. Whatever you want.”

“So you can stay tonight?”

“If you want me to.”

It occurred to you that this wasn’t a one time thing. This was the rest of your life now. Sam was your husband. You had the right to keep him here with you for today and everyday. No more sneaking around, no more doubts. Just you, him and your little boy.

A surprised giggle bubbled up your lips and soon turned out into full laughter, tears rolling along the sides of your eyes.

“Something funny, Mrs. Winchester?” Sam asked, amused, his eyes soft.

You shook your head, burying your face in his chest. “Nothing. I love you.”

His heart skipped a beat again. You felt lips ghost over your hair.

“I love you, too, Darling. More than life.”

*****************************

A/N 2: Sometimes one hard push is necessary to make people realise just what they might lose out on. I’ve edited and re-edited this chapter so many times, I’ve lost the count. It was the make it or break it chapter. It had to be worth it.

Hope you guys liked it as much I do <3

Please do let me know if you liked this part. Reblogs and comments are very much appreciated.

Adding the Gif credit here cause it won’t let me link it before the cut

Only two more chapters to go! :’)

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ampintherain · 3 years

Text

I’m Yours:

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Chapter III

Y/N is Kenny Ortega’s ‘niece’ after going through a rough breakup, Kenny decides to fly her over to stay with him, will her broken heart mend?

(Female Reader, NO SMUT, Romance, Friendship, THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FANFIC/IMAGINE, I hope it’s good, Kenny is lifelong family friend so reader calls him Uncle Kenny. I’m British so the writing is going to be British so like ‘mum’ not ‘mom’ yanno?)

(Y/n/n- your nickname. Y/e/c- your eye colour. Y/h/c- your hair colour.)

This part is going to be in Y/n’s and Charlie’s POV.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

-“I’m Charlie” he replied, “nice to meet you” he smiled back at me-

Y/N

“So you’re his niece?” I smiled at the question that Jeremy had just asked me,

“Technically no, like my Uncle Kenny said, he’s not my blood relative but I grew up calling him my uncle and it stuck, he’s my favourite person ever, I talk to him more than my own parents” I admitted,

“So... if you don’t mind my asking, why did Kenny fly you out to Vancouver?” Savannah asked, I shrugged, “you don’t need to answer, it was quite forward” she mumbled,

“No! No, it’s fine, I haven’t seen Kenny for a few months and we missed each other a lot but my mum told Kenny about my ex and I guess he decided to fly me over and cheer me up” I smiled at the girl, she pouted slightly, hearing the tint of sadness laced in my voice, I saw Madison look at me sympathetically but it wasn’t patronising, which is something I loved, I saw the confusion at the mention of ex but I decided to ignore it, I felt like it wasn’t necessary to tell a bunch of people I’ve just met about the 13 month long relationship that my boyfriend deemed acceptable to have during his one with myself.

“Right guys, are we ready?” Kenny asked as he strolled into the tent happily, coming up to me and placing his hands gently on my shoulder, “you alright my little Sun?” He questioned, looking down at me, I looked up and nodded,

“I am indeed Kenneth” I smiled and slid up off the bench, Owen following after me, dipping his head down to whisper in my ear

“Kenneth?” I shushed him, giggling, “I love it” he used my shoulders as a support whilst he jumped up in the air,

“Shush, shush, Owen no! You can’t, Uncle Ken will kill me, he hates it” I reasoned with him, turning around to face Owen as we walked together, me walking backwards.

“But I love it... Y/n, you can’t say the name Kenneth and expect me not to do anything” Owen chuckled, i scrunched my nose at him, “y’know Y/n, I think we’re going to be great friends” he continued, tucking me up under his arm, “besties even”

“Ew, don’t say besties” I laughed, Charlie slowed down on his way to the set, stopping beside Owen and I,

“Is he creeping you out?” Charlie teased, nudging Owen, causing him to roll his eyes,

“Ugh as if, am I Y/n? I’m not am I?” I shook my head and smiled up at the boy beside me, “see? Charles, I told you” Owen stuck his tongue out at Charlie and walked quickly away from him in a strop, leaving me behind with Charlie,

“Hi” Charlie said simply, I looked up at him and nodded, smiling.

“Hi” I mirrored, Charlie smirked at me and stared at me, “what?” I questioned, Charlie shook his head, laughing slightly,

“Nothing, nothing” he repeated himself, saying the first ‘nothing’ quietly, almost to himself, “so uh, what’re you gonna do on set?” Charlie questioned,

“Oh I’m helping him direct, Kenny taught me everything I know, he’s the only one that supported me through everything- my family really hate the fact that I have a love for acting, singing, dancing and directing but Uncle Kenny always inspired me and pushed me to do my best” I explained,

“Oh you’re going to be bossing us around are you?” Charlie joked, winking at me, I nodded happily,

“Yes I am, and I’m going to have a fun time doing it too” I responded, “come on” I said, tapping Charlie’s forearm lightly to encourage him to walk faster with me to catch up with everybody, Kenny watched as Charlie and I came closer to view, he smiled yet he had a suspicious glint in his eyes, and if I knew my Uncle Kenny as much as I thought I did, I’d believe that he was up to something. “Sorry Uncle Kenny” I apologised coming up to stand beside him,

“No need to apologise darling,” Kenny simply replied “ready to get to work?” He questioned, I nodded and Kenny wandered over to the cast, requesting Madison, Savannah and Jadah, he was about to film the scene where we first meet Savannah’s character ‘Carrie.’ Kenny sent Booboo home as he was only called in for a briefing and script changes whilst Tori and Sacha went to the resting tent, Tori wanted to go through some of her choreography ideas and Sacha wanted to go through his lines.

I moved away from the set and sat in Uncle Jenny’s seat that had ‘Director’ written on the back, “alright boss?” I heard someone whisper from behind me, I turned around slightly to see Charlie leaning in close,

“I’m alright, how’re you?” I asked, “all of you” I continued, looking at Jeremy and Owen who were stood behind Charlie, they all smiled at me and took their scripts out from their back pockets,

“We’re great” they all said, moving to sit in their seats and beginning to read through their lines together, “so you’re gonna help direct huh?” Jeremy asked, peering up from his script to look at me,

“Yeah, I love directing and Kenny used to come to the shows I directed back in high school” I explained, “he said I was his ‘biggest inspiration’ because he thought that I could direct anything from thrillers to love stories to comedies”

“She is,” Kenny spoke up, as he had finished going through the basics with Savannah, Madison and Jadah, “I’m her biggest fan” he laughed, “right, silence on set” Kenny ordered to the crew behind the camera, they began filming, the talent that the three girls had was absolutely incredible, however, my ‘director’ brain came into play and I began to pick out things that I thought I could change, I wandered over to Kenny and took the script he had in his pocket along with a pen and began to jot down some ideas as soon as I got back into my seat.

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Charlie

I watched as Y/n scribbled in the script she had taken from Kenny, it amazed me how she had so many thoughts and ideas and wanted to put them all into effect, she was incredible. “You alright there Boss?” I questioned in a quiet tone, Y/n looked up at me with her y/e/c eyes and smiled, nodding.

“Hm? Yeah I’m okay” she said, not taking her eyes off of the script resting on her lap, I watched as Owen tapped Y/n on her shoulder,

“Whatcha working on?” He questioned, in a low whisper, “ideas for the scene?” He continued, Y/n nodded and showed him the script,

“Uh... yeah, they’re a bit rough... what do you think?” She asked nervously, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands, Owen read through the ideas, using his finger as a pointer to direct him through the scribbled notes on the page.

“They seem amazing” he said honestly, Jeremy had caught attention to what Y/n and Owen were doing, now becoming intrigued on the situation alongside myself, “Y/n has been busy coming up with ideas... show them, they won’t judge” Owen said, i heard the low whisper of the last part that he said directly to her, even I could feel her being slightly anxious about showing more people her ideas, she twisted her mouth slightly before biting her lip,

“Hey, I bet you they’re so good” I reassured, resting my hand on her arm, I heard as she took a sharp breath in, she turned to look behind her and beckoned Jeremy over, he smiled widely and jumped off of his seat, skipping jokingly over to her which caused her to stifle a giggle, she nodded her head towards herself for me to come over as well, Jeremy and I had formed a huddle around Y/n as she showed us her ideas,

“Y/n, these are really good!” Jeremy beamed, looking down at the girl sat in the director’s seat, he handed me the script for me to read through, Owen and Jeremy were right, although the notes were focusing on the small details of the scene, I could see how it would improve it, she had an eye for the smaller things, an eye for detail and that was something that not everyone could obtain.

“I agree, why don’t you show Kenny these?” I questioned, Y/n shrugged slightly, still unsure of his blatant talent, she consistently tugged on the oversized sleeves of her hoodie and brought her hands up close to her face, rubbing the fabric over her nose as she scrunched her face out of confusion and possible anxiety.

“Oh I don’t know” she trailed off, I tilted my head and smirked at her, “what?” She questioned, smiling half heartedly,

“Kenny!” I exclaimed, as soon as they stopped filming the scene, “Kenny, come here” I beckoned him over, Kenny told Sav, Mads and Jay to take 10 as he came over to us, Jeremy and I stepped to the side to reveal Y/n, who had now stood up,

“Wassup guys?” Kenny asked, his voice filled with concern, he scanned over Y/n’s face, “has he said anything to you?” Kenny questioned, Owen, Jeremy and I all looked at each other in confusion,

“Has who messaged her?” Owen asked, Y/n shook her head at the subject, waving Owen off,

“Nobody, and no, Uncle Kenny, he hasn’t...” she trailed off,

“No, she has some ideas for the scene and I think they’d really work” I said, Y/n nodded as Kenny tilted his head at her, she walked forward and handed Kenny the script she had stolen from him not so long ago,

“Ah so that’s where my script went” Kenny joked, looking through the ideas written on the script “yeah... yeah okay” he said loudly, “right, my little star, you ready to put these into action?” Kenny questioned, rubbing his hands together, Y/n began to stutter over her words, I placed my hands on her shoulders and leant down to whisper in her ear,

“You’ve got this Angel” I said, the pet name slipping out, she looked at me and smiled,

“Sav, Mads, Jay- you ready?” Kenny questioned, the girls nodded and ran over to set, “come on Star” he smiled, wrapping his arms around Y/n and ushering her over to set with him.

“Angel huh?” Jeremy asked, winking at me,

“Oh shut it” I retorted, hitting jumping on Jeremy’s back, Owen bundled on top of me,

“Charlie’s got a crush” he teased, I rolled my eyes.

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Y/N

I walked over to the three girls and spoke them through my ideas, “Jadah, Madison, I think instead of seeing each other and walking down the hall together, maybe Julie could walk to her locker on her own, with her head down and after looking through her locker she closes the door and there’s Flynn. It would show a contrast between the two at the moment, yanno, Julie’s still upset about her mum and there’s Flynn who’s trying to cheer her up” I explained, the two girls smiled, “Savannah, I think what you were doing is great but instead of having a drastic change in attitude you should be more passive aggressive towards Flynn” I said, turning to the girl next to me.

“You were right Ken, she is good” Savannah complimented, Kenny smiled proudly and gave me a tight hug before walking off set with me, I saw Charlie, Owen and Jeremy standing there with their thumbs up at me, I mirrored the motion and laughed before turning back to the set,

“Right, quiet on set please... everybody ready?” The girls all nodded whilst the three boys quietened down, “action” Kenny said, we watched as the adapted scene played out, Kenny kept hugging me into him and repeating how proud he was of me, “and cut! Well done girls and well done you” Uncle Kenny smiled and hugged me again,

“Okay okay, enough with the hugs” I joked, wriggling out of his hold, “was it okay? The scene?” I questioned, Madison came running up behind me and hugged me from behind,

“It was amazing, I loved it” she beamed, spinning me around to look at her, “you’re talented Y/n” she continued,

“So talented!” Jadah called as she ran up to the group, with Savannah. The three boys came up behind me.

“You did me proud Star” Uncle Kenny beamed, I could hear a waver in his voice as I looked up at him, I saw him wiping a tear away,

“Oh Uncle Kenny” I cooed, “what’re you crying for?” The cast aw’ed behind me as they pulled him and I in for a group hug,

“It’s just, Y/n, I’ve never seen you in action before, I’ve seen the product of it but never the making” Kenny said, I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Guys! I have an idea” Tori’s voice rang through the group as we separated, “karaoke. Tonight?” She suggested and Sacha came up too,

“I’m down” Sacha said, eagerly, the rest of the group nodded, even Kenny

“Um, I think I’ll stay home, I’m not too big on” I said but was quickly cut off by Owen,

“She’s coming, she’s definitely coming” he said, resting his chin on top of my head, “please” he begged me, “please please please” he repeated, the rest of the cast joined in with the begging, Charlie and Jeremy taking it as far as to get on their knees, Kenny gently tugged me near him,

“Come on Y/n/n, you need this, you know you do” he said loud enough for me to hear,

“Oh fine! Fine okay! I’ll come” I rolled my eyes jokingly, Madison pulled me to her by my arm,

“I want to duet with Y/n first!” She screamed,

“I’m awful at singing...” I trailed off, Kenny instantly refuting that statement, saying that I had, and I quote ‘a voice of an angel’ we continued going through all of the scenes that Kenny wanted to go through that day, I had him coming up to me asking for suggestions on scene improvements and developments.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

Charlie

“God I am so tired!” Owen whined, just as we finished the last scene of the day, putting all of his weight on me, I grunted at the sudden added weight before bending down and lifting Owen up onto my back “ah... this, this is nice” Owen sighed in delight as I lugged him on my back, walking towards our trailers, I watched as Y/n walked ahead with Savannah, the two had managed to become very close throughout the day, Savannah came up to Y/n anytime she wasn’t needed on set, they sat and talked for ages.

“Well tomorrow we have to film the hot dog scene” Jeremy said, “and that will probably take us hours” his voice dragging as he thought of how long it would take to film, I laughed and waved Jeremy off as he entered his trailer, I adjusted the weight that was Owen on my back before walking a little bit further, dropping Owen off at his trailer,

“Here you are your majesty” I joked, bowing sarcastically towards Owen, causing him to smack the back of my head, “and that’s the thanks I get for carrying you” I rubbed the area that Owen had just hit and turned on my heels to walk to my trailer that was just across from him.

I entered my trailer and hung my costume up on the rail, I jumped into the cold shower and washed off the sweat that had been building up throughout the day, I then changed into jeans and a t-shirt, pulling on my boots before leaving my trailer, I spotted Owen and Jeremy already dressed and leaving their trailers so I caught up with them and walked with them out of the filming lot.

“You took your time” Madison jokingly complained, resting her head on Y/n’s shoulder, Y/n giggled before quickly pulling her hair up into a high ponytail,

“So, guys! I have a whole karaoke set up at my apartment, if you guys come over for 9?” Tori asked, the rest of us nodded in agreement, Madison and her dad, Mr Reyes, walked away, bidding farewell to everyone, Sav was giggling and joking with Y/n before she took Jadah and Sacha away to drive them home,

“Bye Y/n/n!” Sav called, after giving Y/n a hug, the girl waved to Sav,

“Bye! Bye Jadah, bye Sacha!” She smiled, she turned to the boys and I, having Kenny behind her,

“So you are coming later?” I asked Y/n, she nodded and smiled,

“Uncle Kenny won’t have it any other way” she joked, “so... I’ll see you all in a few hours?” She questioned, causing Jer, O and I to all nod, “okay... we’ll see you later” she smiled, walking away with Kenny,

“Oh! Y/n!” I called out, gaining a sudden burst of confidence, she turned around and tilted her head in a silent question, “after your duet with Mads and your duet with Sav... do you think you’ll have time to fit me in for one?”

“Yeah! Sure... why not?” She laughed before turning back around and running after Kenny who had continued to walk towards the car, I bounced on my feet happily,

“Cool” I mumbled to myself, “Owen, you ready?” I asked, spinning my car keys on my finger as I turned around, Owen and Jeremy were looking at me suspiciously, “what?” I questioned.

“I think you know what” Jeremy said in an obvious tone,

“You like that girl!” Owen exclaimed,

“Pfft, what?! No! I just met her...” I trailed off, it was true. I did just meet her, but that still didn’t mean that I couldn’t of liked her in the amount of hours she was around, I mean from 8am to 6pm... could I have fallen for her in that time? Surely not.

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The time to go to Tori’s had finally come around, I had changed into a causal shirt and jeans, just so I didn’t feel overly formal, “so what duet are you thinking about doing with Y/n?” Owen asked as we got into the car.

“I don’t know... it’s just a silly duet O” I reasoned, beginning to drive over to Tori’s apartment.

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Y/N

Uncle Kenny parked up his car and we began to make our way up to Tori’s apartment, “so you’re singing with Charlie?” Kenny asked,

“Yeah, and Madison and Savannah” I replied, “and Madison is singing with Charlie and so is Owen and Jeremy” Kenny looked at me in agreement and knocked on Tori’s front door,

“Hi! Come in! Come in!” She said cheerily as she stepped to the side to allow us in, as we entered, Savannah came rushing up to me, embracing me in a quick hug, then came Mads and Jadah who joined in on the group hug, “wait! Wait!” Tori whined as I heard her feet pat towards the group, quickly flying her arms around the group, “I love group hugs” she sighed in content, as the group quickly dispersed I was greeted with Jeremy, Owen and Charlie

“Sacha and Booboo couldn’t make it in the end” Savannah announced, pouting at the sad news, “also why didn’t you boys join in on the hug?” She sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest,

“Because...” Owen started as he and the boys stood up “we wanted one of our own” the three boys ran towards me and engulfed me in yet another group hug,

“Okay” I said, “okay guys” I laughed wriggling out of the hug, “I swear, I’ve never had this many hugs in my life” I joked as Owen ushered me over to sit next to him on the couch, Kenny wandered over and sat at the kitchen island drinking a glass of water.

Tori began to set up the karaoke machine whilst everyone was talking amongst one another, “so did you enjoy your first day on set?” Owen asked me,

“Oh yeah, it was great, I was really nervous, I didn’t want to mess anything up” I admitted,

“You were great” I heard a voice say, I turned to see Charlie moving to sit next to me just as Savannah got up to get a drink with Jadah, “honestly, you were amazing, a real natural” I blushed at his words and thanked him, “you excited for our duet?” Charlie asked, nudging me slightly,

“Yeah, I’m nervous though... I don’t really sing in front of people” I said just as Mads called me up to sing with her,

“We are singing Dynamite” Madison announced just as the song began to play, Mads and I started singing,

‘I came to dance, dance, dance, dance’ Madison started, holding my free hand and dancing with me,

‘I hit the floor cuz that’s my plans, plans, plans, plans’ I joined in, “oh okay girl!” Tori cheered causing me to laugh as Madison continued on.

The song soon came to an end and Madison and I jokingly bowed and Savannah came running up to sing our duet, “well that was amazing girls but now it’s my turn to sing with Y/n/n” she giggled, Madison rolled her eyes and wandered off the stage, sitting next to Kenny,

“What are we singing Sav?” I questioned, she smirked at me and whispered the song choice in my ear, “I love it... okay” the song began to play-

‘Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a bad chick by her toe’ Sav started rapping, ‘if she holla, if-if she holla, let her go’ she pointed over to me, signalling me to sing,

‘She’s indecisive, she can’t decide, she keeps on looking’ Sav then interjected,

‘From left to right, girl come a bit closer, look in my eyes’ we started dancing and laughing whilst the song continued, hardly managing to get through the song fully without bursting into fits of laughter. Once the song had finished, I went to walk away to sit on the sofa before being gently pushed back by Charlie,

“Uh you said you’d sing with me” he smiled at me, “and we are singing a lovely song called No Air”

“I love that song” I admitted as we walked back over and picked up the karaoke mics, ‘No Air’ started to play, Charlie turned to look at me as we sang the first part together.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

Charlie

I held onto Y/n’s free hand as we sang, I kept smiling down at her. The song soon came to an end, I let go on Y/n’s hand and felt heat creep onto my cheeks, I’m blushing... I never blush. I thought to myself, looking back down at the girl beside me, she lowered her head and walked away to sit next Owen, I watched as he nudged her lightly and she laughed at what he was saying to her, I waited a while before sitting back down on the couch sitting next to Madison, “you like her” she stated, not even looking at me,

“I- I don’t” I stuttered, Madison rolled her eyes and hummed at me, clearly not convinced, “I just met her”

“Listen, you can like someone from the first day, it’s not like there’s a handbook to this kinda stuff” she explained, she wasn’t wrong, the way you feel towards someone can change from person to person and this has to be the quickest I’ve ever liked someone, I knew it from the moment she walked in, she had this beautiful y/h/c hair and these glimmering eyes, she had one of the kindest faces I’ve ever seen, her features were soft yet chiselled, her lips were plump and when she looked at me, I could easily get lost. She was mesmerising... and I had fallen, quick.

💜thanks for reading!💜

♡︎𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 : @thesweetestsinner , @ifilwtmfc , @ashleyleblancx , @chloepart03 ♡︎

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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years

Text

Songs that make me think of the Marauders (PART TWO)

(part one)

Everything Happens For A Reason (Madison Beer)

Remus, after the Prank, completely heartbroken and completely confused… when did Sirius stop loving him in that sweet, gentle way he’d always promised to?

When did Sirius start seeing him as the monster he's always sworn Remus isn't?

I used to believe That everything happens for a reason But I just can't find a reason You'd wanna hurt me so bad

Can't get no relief Time moves on with the seasons But I still can't find a reason You'd wanna hurt me so bad

And what in the world did I do to deserve such a pain in my heart? Guess it's true I'm never getting over you

I still love you I still want you I still love you

If You Love Her (Forest Blakk)

This is the song Sirius and Remus play during their first dance. Fight me.

She always has trouble falling asleep And she likes to cuddle while under the sheets She loves pop songs and dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things She loves love notes and babies and likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting a good compliment She loves her whole family and all of her friends So if you're the one she lets in

Kiss her with passion as much as you can Run your hands through her hair whenever she's sad And when she doesn't notice how pretty she is Tell her over and over, so she never forgets

Take it If she gives you her heart, don't you break it Let your arms be a place she feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have On days when it feels like the whole world might cave in Stand side by side and you'll make it She'll love you if you love her like that

cowboy like me (Taylor Swift)

Sirius and Remus go on the run together after James’ death. Not at first - they meet up in a bar about three months after. But after that three months they’re inseparable again - desperately in love, playing Robin Hood, driving a blue Mustang into the sunset - they’re miserable, sure, but they’re also very good at pretending they’re not.

And you asked me to dance But I said, "dancing is a dangerous game" Oh, I thought, this is gonna be one of those things I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me Never wanted love, just a fancy car Now I'm waiting by the phone

Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward, only if they pay for it You're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars Hustling for the good life Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward, and I know I'll pay for it

And the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to mess this up And the old men that I've swindled really did believe I was the one And the ladies lunching have their stories about when you passed through town But that was all before I locked it down Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon With your boots beneath my bed Forever is the sweetest con

And I'm never gonna love again I'm never gonna love again

no body, no crime (Taylor Swift)

Sirius Black’s soulmate, James Potter, is dead. And Sirius knows who did it.

He just can’t prove it.

(I rewrote it for y'all. You're welcome.)

Cell Block Tango (from "Chicago")

The Dark Marauders. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Severus, and Regulus - performing uselessly sensual dance routines in Azkaban because why the fuck not? Their Dark Lord is dead, and all they have left of him is their loyalty and a bout of snakes and skulls on their arms.

(Wrote this one too. Again, you're welcome.)

Broken Bones (KALEO)

Remus Lupin is a werewolf, and every full moon, this song runs through his mind as James and Sirius envelop his naked body in their arms and tell him he’s beautiful, and so so good, and they’ll love him forever and ever and ever, they promise. And for a single, measley second every time, Remus believes them.

Hoping things might go my way Some might say I talk loud, see if I care Unlike them, don't walk away from my fear I've busted bones, broken stones, looked the devil in the eye I hope he's going to break these chains

Another hard day, no water, no rest I saw my chance, so I got him at last I took his six shooter, put two in his chest He'll never say a word no more The devil got him good for sure

Ain't got no place to call a home Only chains and broken bones Ain't got no place to call a home So come on lord, won't you take me now? So come on lord, what you waiting for?

Oh, the devil's going to make me a free man The devil's going to set me free The devil's going to make me a free man The devil's going to set me free...

traitor (Olivia Rodrigo)

Sirius is innocent. Remus believes that. Remus knows that. He knows it. Because he doesn’t know how he’ll live if he’s wrong. Well, okay, he knows -

He won’t.

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew That you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse I kept quiet so I could keep you

And ain't it funny how you ran And ain't it funny how you said you were friends? Now it sure as hell don't look like it

Ain't it funny all the twisted games All the questions you used to avoid?

Ain't it funny? Remember I brought her up, and you told me I was paranoid

You betrayed me And I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

God, I wish that you had thought this through Before I went and fell in love with you When she's sleeping in the bed we made Don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me

Never Not (Lauv)

The Marauders, slowly breaking apart over the years. James and Lily settle in London, and Sirius and Remus run off to travel the world. They split off somewhere in Asia and forget to call. Peter cleans dishes in Hogwarts’ kitchens and Severus spends his time in those dungeons, teaching potions and writing letters he never sends. Regulus holes up in Grimmauld Place, never marrying, never moving. James and Lily divorce when Harry is ten, and go their separate ways. They always move forward, but -

They also always look back.

I lost myself, seventeen Then you came, found me There's a room in my heart with the memories we made Took them down but they're still in their frames There's no way I could ever forget

For as long as I live, and as long as I love I will never not think about you From the moment I loved I knew you were the one And no matter whatever I do I will never not think about you

What we had only comes once in a lifetime For the rest of mine, I'll always compare To the room in my heart with the memories we made Nights on fifth, in between B and A

Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun, looking back?

We were so beautiful We were so tragic No other magic could ever compare...

Scared To Live (The Weeknd)

Sirius and Remus after twelve years apart, having no idea what to do with each other. They were in love once - are in love? - but those days are long gone. Sirius sees how Remus looks at Tonks, but knows Remus can’t ever really love her, much as he likes her, because his heart has forgotten every word but Sirius' name. And Sirius is happier than he thought he’d ever get to be without James, really, though he’s far from happy or even content - is this all there is? Is this how they die? Is this their ending?

No. No. No, after everything, this can’t be it - this cannot be it.

(But if he dies, well... he hopes Remus lives on without him. Happier.

I guess.)

When I saw the signs, I should've let you go But I kept you beside me And if I held you back, at least I held you close Should have known you were lonely

I know things will never be the same Time we lost will never be replaced I'm the reason you forgot to love So don't be scared to live again Be scared to live again No, don't be scared to live again

You always miss the chance to fall for someone else Cause your heart only knows me They try to win your love, but there was nothing left They just made you feel lonely

I am not the man I used to be Did some things I couldn't let you see Refused to be the one who taints your heart

I hope you know that I've been praying that you find yourself We fell apart, right from the start I should have made you my only

So don't be scared to live again I said, "don't be scared to live again"

I Know Where I've Been (from "Hairspray! Live")

Remus and Sirius, sad and happy together, alone in Grimmauld Place and dancing deep into the night as this song plays on the record player and they sway. Their whole lives have been war, but in these moments, there is peace.

Fleeting, hopeless peace, but peace nonetheless.

There's a light in the darkness Though the night is black There's a light burning bright Showing me the way But I know where I've been

There's a cry in the distance It's a voice that comes from deep within There's a cry asking why I pray the answer's up ahead Cause I know where I've been

There's a road we've been travelling Lost so many on the way But the riches will be plenty Worth the price we had to pay

There's a dream in the future There's a struggle we have yet to win And there's pride in my heart Cause I know where I'm going And I know where I've been

Brooklyn Baby (Lana Del Rey)

Sirius Black being himself, and James Potter and Remus Lupin being in love with him.

They say I'm too young to love you I don't know what I need They think I don't understand The freedom land of the seventies

I think I'm too cool to know ya You say I'm like the ice, I freeze I'm churning out novels like Beat poetry on Amphetamines

Well, my boyfriend's in a band He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed I've got feathers in my hair I get down to beat poetry And my jazz collection's rare I can play most anything I'm a Brooklyn baby

They say I'm too young to love you They say I'm too dumb to see They judge me like a picture book By the colors, like they forgot to read I think we're like fire and water I think we're like the wind and sea You're burning up, I'm cooling down You're up, I'm down You're blind, I see

But I'm free I'm free

I'm talking about my generation Talking about that newer nation And if you don't like it, you can beat it Beat it, baby You never liked the way I said it If you don't get it, then forget it Cause I don't have to fucking explain

Yeah, my boyfriend's pretty cool But he's not as cool as me Cause I'm a Brooklyn baby I'm a Brooklyn baby

I Can't Go On Without You (KALEO)

Sirius and Remus are lost to each other, for twelve years and then two more, Sirius locked behind bars and then a Veil and Remus on the run alone and then with a woman he’s somehow fooled himself into thinking he loves.

They’ll be together again. One day. But for now, there’s nothing to do but wait.

Alone.

Well, they thought they were made for each other Only thinking of one another Never thinking just for one second She would take a different attraction

We don't want that We don't want that, oh no I can't go on without you

Oh, so what's the point of breaking my sweet heart? She wanted me to let down my guard Well, you know what they say It's better that way So, you better hush and walk away

Well, was I supposed to wait for you sweetheart? And hide away the shame, yes I keep it all inside Though the thought had crossed my mind! To do all the things I'll regret, we don't want that

I can't, I can't, I can't go on without you I can't go on without you, oh, lord I can't go on without you, babe

Oh, she loves me She loves me not She loves me My love don't love me...

Oh, so what is left but a broken man? Cause nothing hurts like a woman can I can't go on without you...

happier (Olivia Rodrigo)

Sirius as he watches Remus fall in love with Tonks right in front of him, unable to love Sirius the same way after everything. Sirius loves his cousin - he does. He just kind of hates her, too.

There’s been a lot of things in this life he’s been afraid of, but Remus leaving him never even crossed his mind.

That was his mistake, I guess…

Fuck.

You've moved on, found someone new One more girl who brings out the better in you And I thought my heart was attached For all the sunlight of our past But she's so sweet, she's so pretty Does she mean you forgot about me?

And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me? And now I'm picking her apart Like cutting her down make you miss my wretched heart But she's beautiful, she looks kind, she probably gives you butterflies

Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on her

I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.

That's The Kind Of Woman (Julia Michaels)

James left Sirius for Lily, and that was okay. Sirius loved Lily, and he loved James, so it was okay. At least he still had Remus.

Well, he did. Until Tonks came along.

It’s okay. Really. Sirius has gone his whole life feeling unloved.

He can die that way too.

James, Sirius, and Remus fell in love in fourth year, and it was wonderful. And then Sirius started to notice things - small things, little things. Like the gentle way James and Remus are with each other, the way they wake each other up with kisses in the morning and dance the night before the full moon, the way their hands fit together the way everyone expected Sirius’ to fit with them, but better.

The way they love each other more than him.

And that’s okay. That’s fine. He wants them to be happy, and they make each other happy. So he lets them go the last day of seventh year, and disappears into the wind never to be seen again, just like their love for him.

Childhood picket fence, smells like confidence Raised with a little more common sense Isn't always on defense Sits up straight and knows how to take a compliment Jealous but the right amount Isn't scared of missing out, missing out's scared of missing her Doesn't buy things to fill voids Doesn't hate the sound of her own voice

Doesn't cry when someone leaves Isn't contradictory Mind takes a break when she falls asleep Always takes her own advice Crosses T's and cuts her ties Figured out sympathize from empathize Doesn't keep those letters in a drawer Doesn't keep a closet full of things she bought and never wore Gives all her attention to the people that are with her She still loves to dance She still loves her sister

If the me I am Walked out that door Would I miss her?

Maybe, a little bit, sure Oh, I love myself, but I'd love her more Yeah, that's the kind of woman I'd leave me for

Quarter Past Midnight (Bastille)

The Marauders steal a Muggle’s pick-up truck and fly down the highway, literally. The lights are bright and the music is loud, and they’re screaming with laughter, dancing and kissing under the stars. It’s that one perfect moment, the one poets write about seeking their whole lives. This is that moment, this is their moment.

They’ll never be this happy again.

It's a quarter past midnight as we cut through the city The streets are getting restless Good times, bad decisions And the sirens are mending some hearts But we're the losers on our back seats Singing love will tear us apart

It's a quarter past midnight, still avoiding tomorrow It's a quarter past midnight, but we're just getting going We keep on running through a red light Like we're trying to burn the night away This is my favorite part Help me piece it all together, darling Before it falls apart

And the speakers are blowing We want the bodies on the billboards Not the lives underneath them And now we're crawling up the walls again And it's a quarter past twelve And you said we'd leave this place in dust And fall from heaven straight through hell We never know what we have We never knew what we had

We keep on running Why are we always chasing after something Like we're trying to throw our lives away?

And the secrets are flowing Our lips are getting looser I don't know what I'm saying We never knew what we had I never know what I've had

Home (Edith Whiskers)

The Marauders remember each other in a haze - well. The ones that are still alive do, that is.

Regulus, falling.

James, fighting.

Lily, screaming.

Sirius, smiling.

Peter, choking.

Remus, crying.

Severus, bleeding.

They all went, and not one peacefully.

If I close my eyes, I can still see them. Laughing.

I do love my ma and pa Not the way that I do love you Well, holy moly, me oh my, you're the apple of my eye Girl, I've never loved one like you Man, oh, man, you're my best friend, I scream it to the nothingness There ain't nothing that I need Well, hot and heavy pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, Jesus Christ Ain't nothing please me more than you

I'll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark Moats and boats and waterfalls, alleyways and pay phone calls I've been everywhere with you We laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night Nothing new is sweeter than with you And in the streets, we run afree, like it's only you and me Geez, you're something to see

Oh, home, let me come home Home is whenever I'm with you Oh, home, let me come home Home is wherever I'm with you

I Hate That You're Happy (Tiny Little Houses)

Severus is alone, alone again. Lily’s gone. She’s run off to marry James Potter, the prat, and Severus - Severus doesn’t hope for much in this life, but he holds out hope for her. Because everyone knows she loves James now, but she loved Severus once too… and she still keeps his green ribbon tied around her ring finger, almost like they’re still married in mind.

So Severus keeps his vows to her. He promised her forever - it’s okay, honestly. That forever can be spent apart. He’ll love her anyway.

He'll love her always.

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you And I never kissed you enough And I just have trouble unravelling sometimes The feelings that I kept locked up

And I know it's my own misfortune And I didn't hold tight enough But I found it hard to keep myself whole While drowning in my bitter blood

I'll stay awake again and start feeling The spot where you used to reside And I'll lay beneath these cold empty sheets Huddled and clutching my sides

And I know it's my own misfortune And darling, believe me, I do And you've got your problems, and hell I've got mine But I find it hard that we're through

And I hate when you're with him And I hate when you smile And I hate that for once you don't seem like you've cried And I hate that you've kissed him And I hate that I'm sore But most of all I hate that you're happier than before

And I hate when you're with him And at night you're entwined And I hate that I have to pretend that I'm fine And I hate that I miss you but you miss him more But most of all I hate that you're happier than before Most of all I hate that you're happier than before

Call Your Girlfriend (Clara Mae)

James knows Lily isn’t happy with him. It’s been months, she’s had plenty of time to come around, but she just - she doesn’t love him. She never has. He should’ve seen that, but he was too busy hating the greasy-haired git to realize that Lily has always loved him more than anything else.

Gently, he lets her go. He presses the green ribbon he found in her drawer around her hand, and he kisses her goodbye, and he tells her to go after her happiness, whoever that is. And she smiles at him, the tears in her eyes happy, and she runs away, crashing into Severus’ arms. And they look… they look so perfect together. Like they make so much sense.

It’s okay. James can take it.

Regulus is staring at him. James winks at him, and smiles.

Call your girlfriend It's time you had the talk Give your reasons Say it's not her fault Tell her not to get upset Second guessing everything you've said and done

And when she get upset Tell her that you never meant to hurt no one You just tell her that the only way her heart will mend Is when she learns to love again And it won't make sense right now But you're still her friend

Cloud 9 (Beach Bunny)

James, Sirius, and Remus. It’s an unconventional love story, but not one they feel the need to explain.

They can and will dance together forever, butterbeers in their hands and magic in their eyes, hearts colliding in a messy, three-way kiss.

I don't wanna seem the way I do But I'm confident when I'm with you Lately all I feel is bad and bruised Tired of tripping on my shoes

When I start to tumble from the sky You remind me how to fly Lately, I've been feeling unalive But you bring me back to life

But when he loves me, I feel like I'm floating When he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody Even when we fade eventually to nothing You will always be my favorite form of loving

the last great american dynasty (Taylor Swift)

The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, and its last heir, Sirius Potter Lupin.

Fuck those assholes. He’ll be as mad as he likes.

Was the heir to the name, and money And the town said "how did a middle class divorcée do it?" The wedding was charming, if a little gauche There's only so far new money goes They picked out a home and called it Holiday House Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud The doctor had told him to settle down It must have been her fault his heart gave out

And they said, "there goes the last great american dynasty" Who knows, if she never showed up what could've been There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever Flew in all the Bitch Pack friends from the city Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet And losing on card game bets with Dalí

There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

They say she was seen on occasion Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea And in a feud with her neighbor She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green Fifty years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach Free of women with madness Their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me

Who knows, if I never showed up what could've been There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruining everything

I Don't Believe You (P!nk)

Regulus, alone after Sirius runs away. All alone in a giant house, all alone with his wretched mother and her Death Eater friends, all alone without the only person he’s ever loved.

Sirius never comes back, but Regulus waits at the door for him every day anyway.

(Sirius writes Regulus a million letters. He wonders why he never answers. Not even with a cursive fuck you. Maybe he should go back… maybe - no.

No, best not.

It’s not like Regulus misses him.)

I don't mind it, I don't mind at all It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried We come too close, and every night The passion's there, so it's gotta be right Right?

I don't mind it, I still don't mind at all It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up It looks like you've given up, you've had enough But I want more, no, I won't stop Because I just know you'll come around Right?

Just don't stand there and watch me fall Cause I still don't mind at all

No I don't believe you When you say, "don't come around here no more" I won't remind you You said we wouldn't be apart No I don't believe you When you say you don't need me anymore So don't pretend to not love me at all

Cause I don't believe you.

Little Miss Perfect (Annapantsu cover)

Regulus Black, the perfect child.

He and his brother are nothing alike. Sirius is rebellious, Regulus is obedient. Sirius is brash, Regulus is controlled. Sirius is bravery, Regulus is misery. They have nothing in common.

Well -

Except their hearts, bothing beating for a boy named James Potter with twinkling eyes. A boy only one of them will get to kiss.

Regulus is happy to be the one who’s lost out. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he stares up at the white light, the surface too far above to reach.

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight path, I don't cut corners I make a point to be on time Head of the student council I don't black out at parties I jam to Paul McCartney If you ask me how I'm doing I'll say...

Well, hmm Often I ask myself, "what did I do?" To get as far as I've gotten A pretty girl walks by my locker My heart gives a flutter But I don't dare utter a word Cause that would be absurd behavior For little miss perfect

No, I can't risk falling off my throne Love is something I don't even know Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight girl Little miss perfect That's me You don't even know Rewind, induce amnesia Deny the truth, that's easier You're just confused, believe her When she says there's nothing there It's never worth it When you're little miss perfect

Achilles Come Down (Gang Of Youths)

Sirius, running from his family and his predetermined madness, his wildness carrying him so far he makes a circle.

Remus, hiding from love and freedom, his happiness stitched from his skin in ugly, painful scars.

James, watching his best friends tear each other apart, too blind with love to see the monsters they’ve made of each other.

Children, come down.

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you Achilles, it's not much but there's proof You crazy assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue Redemption lies plainly in truth Just humour us, Achilles Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth? Where you go, I'm going So jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you Soldier on, Achilles Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

Hurt and grieve, but don't suffer alone Engage with the pain as a motive Today of all days, see How the most dangerous thing is to love How you will heal and you'll rise above

Achilles, jump now You are absent of cause or excuse So self-indulgent and self-referential No audience could ever want you You crave the applause, yet hate the attention Then miss it, your act is a ruse It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now It's a pointless resistance for you

Achilles, just put down the bottle Don't listen to what you've consumed It's chaos, confusion, and wholly unworthy Of feeding and it's wholly untrue You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing It's all just conjecture and gloom And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it Do not waste your self on this roof

Feel your breath course frankly below And see life as a worthy opponent Crowned by an overture bold and beyond Ah, it's more courageous to overcome You want the acclaim, it's not worth it, Achilles More poignant than fame or the taste of another

Don't listen, Achilles, but be real and just jump You dense motherfucker (you're worth more, Achilles) You will not be more than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)

You want my opinion (no one asked your opinion) My opinion you've got You asked for my counsel (no one asked for your thoughts)

I gave you my thoughts Be done with this now, and jump off the roof Can you hear me Achilles? I'm talking to you

Throw yourself into the unknown with pace and a fury defiant Clothe yourself in beauty untold and see life as a means to a triumph

Achilles, come down.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things (Taylor Swift)

Remus gets super drunk after the Prank and gives a fucking performance on top of the coffee table in front of the entirety of Gryffindor. Sirius is bright red. James is on the verge of tears. Severus is gaping. And Remus is seething.

You woke the wolf. Now watch it bite.

And there are no rules when you show up here Bass beat rattling the chandelier Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year So why'd you have to rain on my parade? I'm shaking my head, I'm locking the gates

It was so nice being friends again There I was giving you a second chance But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand And therein lies the issue, friends don't try to trick you And so I took an axe to a mended fence But I'm not the only friend you've lost lately If only you weren't so shady

Here's a toast to my real friends They don't care about the HE SAID, SHE SAID And here's to my baby He ain't reading what they call me lately And here's to my mama Had to listen to all this drama And here's to you... Cause forgiveness is a nice thing to do

Hahaha, I can't even say it with a straight face!

This is why we can't have nice things, darling Because you break them, I had to take them away This is why we can't have nice things, honey Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me? This is why we can't have nice things

right where you left me (Taylor Swift)

Remus is pretty sure he died on October 31, 1981. He’s not sure why his body’s still moving.

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "what a sad sight" I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on I stayed there Dust collecting on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it She's still 23 inside her fantasy How it was supposed to be Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it She's still 23 inside her fantasy And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I'm sure that you got a wife out there Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware Cause I'm right where I cause no harm, mind my business If our love died young, I can't bear witness And it's been so long But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me You left me no choice but to stay here forever...

Every Day a Little Death (from “The Count of Monte Cristo”)

Remus Lupin, waiting.

Waiting, waiting, waiting…

For what, he’s not sure. Maybe death. Maybe madness.

Right now all he’s got is lonely.

Lonely, lonely, lonely; la, la, la…

Come out, come out, wherever you are, Peter. Come out and kill me, you coward.

Another day, another week Another month, another year Another day, another night Until it’s day again The sun has fled, I go to bed And scratch a line on the wall Another day, where nothing changes at all

And everyday shuffles by like the day before! On its way to the blackest of skies And everyday a little death comes and paces the floor! And a little bit more of me dies... Another day, another week Another month, another year Another night I spend alone Until it’s day again Our little star has moved away And all the world is a blur I only see I am not me Without her

Everyday a little death for everyday I die Everyday a little death and still I know not why...

He will come back! Perhaps but still… He will return to me! Another prayer You’ve got to live for today I will live when we’re together again Everyday I will pray until then

And everyday another prayer will bring him close to me And every night out little star we will share The one day when I open my eyes He will be standing right over there, one day

There’s something I must say I wanted to protect you

I wish there was a way I could make it untrue I heard the news today I fear the worst has happened An accident occurred He is dead! Dead and gone Rest in peace may flights of angels sing him to his rest Let me hold and help to heal you!

Everyday a little death...

tolerate it (Taylor Swift)

Remus Lupin. Abandoned, alone, aimless. Unwanted, unseen, unloved. Mad, morbid, monster.

He wonders if in the next life, he’ll be dealt some better cards.

Best not hope. Best not be greedy. He could be dead -

Isn’t sadness better?

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you I notice everything you do or don't do You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listen I polish plates until they gleam and glisten You're so much older and wiser and I While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine But what would you do if I

Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it! If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

Téir Abhaile Riu (Celtic Woman)

Sirius being Sirius and Remus and James trying to reign him in. I don’t know. Just vibes, I guess - three soft little gays living out a domestic half-insane life on a little farm in Wales, not a mile from the ashen sea.

Stay here and never you mind The lights of the town are blinding you The sailors they come and they go But listen to what's reminding you Handsome men surrounding you Dancing a reel around you

Listen to the music flow I'm falling for the flow of home I'm home to dance till dawning

Stay awhile and we'll dance together now As the light is falling We'll reel away till the break of day And dance together till morning

No One Knows Us (BANNERS, Carly Paige)

James, Sirius, and Remus are queerplatonic partners. Well, James is theirs - Sirius and Remus are dating. In love. But they and James, they’re not. Not that it matters - every assumes, from their atypical affection, that they are.

James wishes he could be with them, sometimes. The way he wants. Like it’s normal. Without all the prying eyes.

He wonders if he stole a pirate ship and sailed them somewhere else, if it would be any different. Any easier.

Loving the right people shouldn’t be a burden.

Wish I could kiss you when I wanna Without all the fear and all the drama Kill to hold your hand in public I could try to fight the feeling Dull it down like sleeping without dreaming

I wanna push you up against the wall Want them all to hear me call you baby I know it's never gonna happen And I've learned to accept that I accept that

I need you closer Can we go somewhere? No one knows us Leave our world behind We can hole up in a motel room Where no one knows us

See You Again (Carrie Underwood)

The Marauders as they die, one by one. James too early, Sirius too soon, Remus too late. Reunited wherever wizards go when they die, after a long, hard road of what felt like a whole lot of goddamn nothing.

But here they are, at last: alone no longer.

Said goodbye, turned around And you were gone, gone, gone Faded into the setting sun, slipped away But I won't cry cause I know I'll never be lonely For you are the stars to me You are the light I follow

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night Calling me back in time, back to you In a place far away where the water meets the sky The thought of it makes me smile You are my tomorrow

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know...

I will see you again This is not where it ends I will carry you with me Til I see you again I will see you again...

Bloom (The Paper Kites)

James and Sirius and Remus, loving each other. And not knowing what queerplatonic partners are until Severus and Lily shove a Muggle book into their hands with sweet, manic grins.

“Oh,” James says, with wonder. Sirius kisses him. Remus takes his hand. James looks at them, his eyes wide and twinkling. “Oh, that’s us.”

In the morning when I wake And the sun is coming through Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, And you fill my head with you

Shall I write it in a letter? Shall I try to get it down? Oh, you fill my head with pieces Of a song I can't get out

Can I take it to a morning Where the fields are painted gold And the trees are filled with memories Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down, And the day is almost through, Oh, the whole world it is sleeping, But my world is you

Can I be close to you?

Me and My Husband (Mitski)

Sirius and James. Fight me.

(Oh, and Remus - hopelessly in love with them and chasing after their shenanigans as the world stretches out before them, endless.)

I steal a few breaths from the world for a minute And then I'll be nothing forever And all of my memories And all of the things I have seen will be gone With my eyes, with my body, with me

But me and my husband, we're doing better It's always been just him and me together So I bet all I have on that furrowed brow

And I'm the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved And at least in this lifetime, we're sticking together Me and my husband, we're sticking together

You & Jennifer (bülow)

Regulus, angry and bitter, left alone in his big black bed wondering what’s so fucking amazing about Lily Evans that could make James want her more than him.

Remus, so fucking in love with his two best friends… his two best friends, who are so fucking in love with each other, who look at each other like they’re the world, who fuck Remus when the world is ending. His two best friends… assholes.

Listen, no, we don't need to be enemies Ain't got a vision of us in the future with a white picket fence and eternal decisions Now I'm sitting here wondering, when did this all start?

Would rather be the girl that got away than be under your thumb Don't need to spend no more time on you, not like I was in love Not that I'm having a nervous breakdown, I'm just let down You don't know what that's like though to wait up all night So I thank you for teaching me how I could live without you Never needed me, I don't need you

Fuck you and Jennifer, I know that you're out with her Go pretend that you're just friends I'll pretend that I'm not hurt I know all the shit I heard, you can take these bitter words Fuck you and Jennifer Go fucking make love to her

Soon You’ll Get Better (Taylor Swift, The Chicks)

James, surrounded by people he can’t fix.

James, holding a screaming Sirius against his chest as he sobs and shakes from the fifth nightmare that week.

James, brushing salve across the scars of a terrified and bruised Remus after yet another full moon.

James, trying to lure a quiet and cold Peter back to them with candy as he recedes even further away into Slytherin robes.

James, fucking Lily; James, kissing Severus; James, touching Regulus -

James, doomed to love people he can’t help.

The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair I didn't tell you I was scared That was the first time we were there Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you Desperate people find faith, so now I pray too And I say to you

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try And I'll say to you

And I hate to make this all about me But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you? This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because cause I have to

Soon you'll get better Soon you'll get better You'll get better soon Cause you have to.

Dance Alone (Blanks)

James Potter being his usual idiotic adorable self. (It’s just the vibes, man.)

Been staring at the wall today, to find some hidden meaning My momma called to ask me how I'm feeling I've been running out of things to think So what's the point of dreaming? Called all my friends cause I cant get along with all my demons And I've been watching from a distance how the seasons change

Been staring at the wall today, still looking for some meaning I tried talking to myself for a change to ask me how I'm feeling I've been running out of room to think I need a higher ceiling

I've been lost, lost in the rhythm lately I don't know, know how to dance alone

Strawberry Blond (Mitski)

James falls in love with Sirius first - make no mistake, it was absolutely Sirius first. Because Sirius was just so bright, and so lovely, and so daring, and he made James laugh as they ran and drove and flew for miles without a direction. Anything for a touch.

And then there came Remus - beautiful, sweet, kind Remus, his eyes so gentle and his smiles so pure, and James wanted to hold him forever, wanted to take his hand and dive right into the sun, wanted to burst into flames. Anything for a taste.

And then Sirius and Remus fell in love with each other, and now James watches them from the outside, grinning behind tears and thinking, Oh god. I’m happy.

I love everybody because I love you When you stood up, walked away, barefoot And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape I looked over it and I ached

I love everybody because I love you I don't need the city, and I don't need proof All I need, darling, is a life in your shape I picture it soft and I ache

Reach out the car window, trying to hold the wind You tell me you love her, I give you a grin Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines, keep my eyes on the road as I ache

Look at you, strawberry blond Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? Watching your arm, I love it when you look my way

FML (Arizona Zervas)

James has a habit of falling for people so fierce he can never refuse them. Regulus is just the last one - the one he keeps, even if he dies still trying to figure out how.

(This is the James and Regulus theme song, I’m calling it.)

I might let you drive me crazy Usually I ain't the type to stay Cause you could fall in, and go psycho Ain't no telling where this might go But I take my chances either way

You look like somebody that could really hold it down You look like somebody that would always stick around I know you probably crazy All my friends said stay away but that shit just don't faze me Got a little bit of sass, I like that You don't take no shit, yeah you fight back Never let a dude hit it on the first night I can't even sleep over til I wife that All these bitches in my phone, hit the boy But I've been curving everyone for you Girl I would give you every single password All you gotta do is let me through

Imma keep it honest, I know that you got a plan I know you ain't perfect, but basic bitches never last I don't usually do this type of shit So baby trust me when I tell you that I'm all about it Yeah, I might fall in love and let you fuck my life up Just so I could go and write a song about it

Last man left you brokenhearted, let me treat you right If you need me I could pull up any night You just say the words, girl, I don't need a reason Give me something more than just a lover on the weekend

Come and fuck my life up.

Lay Me Down (Sam Smith)

If James married Regulus instead, but the war still tore them apart and to shreds.

They still fall, they still die, they still lose… but James is captivated by grey eyes rather than green ones, at least in this lifetime. At least for now.

Yes, I do, I believe that one day I will be where I was Right there, right next to you And it's hard, the days just seem so dark The moon, and the stars are nothing without you Your touch, your skin, where do I begin? No words can explain the way I'm missing you Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside These tears, they tell their own story Told me not to cry when you were gone But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong

Can I lay by your side, next to you? You And make sure you're alright I'll take care of you I don't want to be here if I can't be with you

Forever (... is a long time) (Halsey)

Remus didn’t know anyone could love him, the way he is. You can’t blame him for letting James and Sirius slip through his fingers when he didn’t know they would’ve stayed forever.

He wonders if happiness still sounds like his name on their lips.

I spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic And I cursed the ground for growing green

I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic And I cursed my tongue for being mean

Weightless, breathless, destitute Motionless and absolute He cut me open, sucked the poison from an aging wound Now fifty thousand walking deads would cower at this small brunette It's a nice surprise knowing six feet high Would reach and grab the moon if I should ask

Or just imply that I want you to be more light So I could look inside his eyes And get the colors just right

But love built provinces, callouses, break promises Cause I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it What am I thinking? What does this mean? How could somebody ever love me?

"Tell him he's got bad news coming..."

Used To This (Camila Cabello)

James and Sirius, crazy kids in mad love in a big Muggle city, dancing and kissing under the lights every night… and then meeting Remus, and wondering if all these years they’ve been mistaking magic for something else, because this, love, this is what magic is.

No, I never liked San Francisco Never thought it was nothing special Til you kissed me there No, I never liked windy cities But I think maybe when you're with me I like everywhere

It's the strangest feeling Midnight, I'm not leaving No, for once, I think I'll stay I say your name, just listen Doesn't it sound different? Never whispered it this way

It's gonna take me a minute But I could get used to this The feeling of your fingertips The feeling of another kiss Like every tattoo on your skin I'm memorizing every inch

The callouses on your fingers I admired them from a distance Now they're on my cheek

Oh, I've known you forever Now I know you better Let's just get carried away And it bears repeating Now my heart's bleeding When you tell me that you'll stay

It's gonna take me a minute But I could get used to this I could get used to this...

Love Me Like You (Little Mix)

You cannot tell me James and Sirius did not stand on top of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and serenade Remus with this while he covered his bright red face with his hands and damn near cried with embarrassment and laughter, because they did. I promise you, they did.

I solemnly swear.

Darling, he can't buy my love It's you I'm dreaming of

so baby, baby Come and save me

Last night I lay in bed so blue Cause I realized the truth They can't love me like you I've tried to find somebody new Baby, they ain't got a clue Can't love me like you

Come Home With Me (from “Hadestown”)

Sirius and James tripping over themselves trying to say hi the first time they meet Remus, his nose buried in a book in a small cafe, at a table by the window in a dress covered in sunflowers, his cheeks pink and his smile blinding.

James, tripping over himself to win Severus over, who just isn’t having it. (Fuck off, Potter.) (Please?) (No.)

You wanna talk to her?

Yes!

Go on. Don't come on too strong.

Come home with me.

Who are you?

The man who's gonna marry you

Is he always like this?

Yes

Your name is like a melody

A singer, is that what you are?

I also play the lyre...

Oh, a liar, AND a player too! I've met too many men like you.

Oh, no. I'm not like that.

He's not like any man you've met.

That's what I'm working on - A song to fix what's wrong. Take what's broken, make it whole; A song so beautiful, it brings the world back into tune, back into time. And all the flowers will bloom... When you become my wife.

Oh, he's crazy. Why would I become his wife?

Maybe because he'll make you feel alive.

Alive? That's worth a lot... What else ya got?

You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

Sirius and James, unable to figure out why they're so bothered by the amount of people who have suddenly started flirting with Remus after the summer of fifth year.

He's just... he's theirs. Their werewolf. Their scrawny motherfucker. Their Moony.

Just.

Theirs.

Oh.

She doesn't get your humor like I do She'll never know your story like I do

Walk in the streets with you in your worn-out jeans I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be And you've got a smile that can light up this whole town I haven't seen it in a while You say you're fine, I know you better than that

Standing by and waiting at your backdoor Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry And I know your favorite songs, and you tell me about your dreams Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me...

Have you ever thought, just maybe, you belong with me? You belong with me.

Scrawny (Wallows)

I just really love Remus Lupin, okay?

Used to be level with all my friends Still wear the same shoes I did back then I don't think they've ever been untied I can't regret the things I don't try I'd switch it up but I don't like change Only content if things stay the same Don't care to watch the story unfold Hate feeling like I'm not in control I've been sleeping with the light on I tend to freak myself out Will you come a little closer?

I say the wrong shit at the right times If I'm offending them, I don't mind Maybe they all should listen to me It isn't all about what you see Question though, how do I look to you? Am I so thin that you can see through? I've been sleeping with the light off I wanted to remember Will you come a little closer now?

I'll be one of those people you remember They'll be looking at us when were together I'll be a mannequin you can dismember You don't like my clothes but you still like my smile Take me home to mom but it'll take awhile They might think they're cooler than me by a mile I can still have wisdom and look like a child

I'm a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle

Hate You (Seann Bowe)

Severus and Lily after the Incident. Still loving each other, but not knowing why or how. Having a million things to say, but never the words.

I'm sorry. What a tragic fucking joke.

Look at me now, such a pitiful place You found someone I thought that'd help erase These crazy thoughts that we were never broken You can't see red flags through rose colored glasses!

I killed you in my head now If I see you out with friends I'll just tell myself that it's a phantom or illusion Guess I haven't chosen which

I hate that I miss you, I hate that I'm lost I hate those dead flowers you taped to your wall I hate that you're okay and I can't move on I hate that somehow this is all my fault! I hate that I'm wide awake watching the door I hate these long showers sitting on the floor I hate in the end it was me who was wrong I hate that I don't really hate you at all

But I kind of wish I did...

I don't really hate you at all.

Bitter And The Sweetness (The Ready Set)

James and Sirius and Remus, dancing in the rain. Sirius is screaming up at the sky, and James is pulling Remus against him, quelling his shivering in an instant.

“I love you,” he whispers, and Remus beams, throwing his arms around his neck and kissing him as Sirius screams, “ELECTRIFY ME MOTHERFUCKER!” at the clouds.

That’s love, bitch.

Troublemaker look on your face Followed by a smile and I melt away It ain't always been this lovely We turn the ice and start a fire, melt away

It don't happen overnight It's laughing after fights Knowing which song I should sing to make you smile again Your favorite flowers How I know before you say, "It's gonna be okay"

Love, I think we got time to make mistakes Bitter and the sweetness, I just love the taste

You give me trouble in the best way When you let your hair down I can't look away You've just always been that lovely We turn the dark into light You'll be staying close

Like the time we got stuck out in the rain When you took my hand said, "Baby, we should stay."

Serenade (BANNERS)

James Potter's ghost, watching over Sirius Black forevermore. You don't just leave your soulmate behind. Never.

Stolen, some people stay a life, some for a moment Some hearts they set a light just to be frozen And so we're out of time, broken But now you've got the chance to travel oceans I hope the world's as wide as you were hoping Don't let heartache cloud your mind

If the days go darker, darling And you lose your way Go on, go on, I'm not beside you But I'll be the song there in the silence Let go, let go, darling, it's over now You're on your own, but I'm on your shoulder I'll always be your serenade, serenade, I I'll always be your serenade

They told you It's not the being drunk, it's being sober That's when it really hits you that it's over It's hard to say goodbye So you can keep me Somewhere out of reach but if you need me Just hum these memories and you can feel me I'm always standing by Go and write your story, darling You will find your place

You can always remember that I'm here to ease your mind I'm on your side and You can call me and just like that I'll sing a song to bring you home, babe

It's Quiet Uptown (from "Hamilton")

Remus, alone. His husband gone, his friends dead, his family murdered. Nothing left for him, until...

"Padfoot."

A sheepish smile.

"Hi, Moony."

Remus takes a deep breath. Sirius reaches for his hand.

They'll figure it out.

There are moments that the words don't reach There is suffering too terrible to name You hold your child as tight as you can And push away the unimaginable The moments when you're in so deep It feels easier to just swim down And so they move uptown And learn to live with the unimaginable

I spend hours in the garden, I walk alone to the store And it's quiet uptown, I never liked the quiet before And I pray, that never used to happen before

If you see him in the street Walking by himself, talking to himself, have pity You would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown He is working through the unimaginable His hair has gone grey He passes every day They say he walks the length of the city You knock me out, I fall apart Can you imagine?

Look at where we are Look at where we started I know I don't deserve you But hear me out That would be enough If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He'd be standing here right now And you would smile and that would be enough

I don't pretend to know The challenges we're facing I know there's no replacing what we've lost And you need time But I'm not afraid I know who I married Just let me stay here by your side That would be enough

There are moments that the words don't reach There's a grace too powerful to name We push away what we can never understand We push away the unimaginable They are standing in the garden Standing there side by side She takes his hand It's quiet uptown

Forgiveness, can you imagine? Forgiveness, can you imagine? If you see him in the street Walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity They are going through the unimaginable

Dynasty (MIIA)

The Marauders are dead and gone, did you know?

But they were great once. Unstoppable. Invincible, young, in love.

Can you tell? Can you...

Remember?

Some days, it's hard to see if I was a fool or you a thief Made it through the maze to find my one in a million And now you're just a page torn from the story I'm living The scar I can't reverse And the more it heals, the worse it hurts Gave you every piece of me, no wonder it's missing Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant

And all I gave you is gone Tumbled like it was stone It all fell down, it all fell down

Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up.

Dancing After Death (Matt Maeson)

Oh. It's you. You're here.

I never thought I'd see you again.

Do I know better than this? You're a word that I can't forget Though the thought rattles my brain Will you fold or will you remain?

If I don't get better than this man in my skin If I let go, would you hold on? Would we fly? Is it safer if we just say that we tried? Are we laughing at the danger?

As the sun waits to eclipse And the taste teases my lips I'm too tired to wrestle with it Will we burn, or will we repent?

Are we dancing after death, you and I?

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bluemueana · 3 years

Text

Stained Glass (chapter 14) (fluff)

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female reader

Summary: You believed your relationship with Yoongi became toxic at one point. You think he doesn't love you anymore, so, telling him your little secret won't hurt, right ? He wants to tell you something too, but is it too late ?

Genre: angst (for this chapter fluff is included)

Warnings: mentions of parental abuse, mention of depression, mention of lack of self-love, crying, happy ending.

Part : 14/14 (angst version)

Stained Glass masterlist

Important note: i did a happy ending version just in case you weren't good with angst. The chapter is almost the same except the ending so if you don't want to read the whole thing again, you can scroll down to the part where Yoongi tells you about his sudden distant behaviour in the past. Also, I did do some research for the specifying of the cancer condition but if I get anything wrong, please ignore it ! I suggest listening to Stained Glass by Madison Beer while reading ! Hope you like it !

"He messed with my mind

Why did I fall in love with him ?

I haven't got much time left

So it's time for a good, goodbye."

-------------------------------

Yoongi ran through the hallways of the hospital with anxious eyes and shaking hands. As soon as he got the room number from the receptionist he hurried to room No. 42 to be by your side. Yes. Your side.

•One hour earlier•

Minji bombarded you with messages while looking around your house only to find you nowhere, she knit her eyebrows in confusion. 'Where were you ?' She put her phone back in her coat pocket and started opening the only three doors in your small flat. "Are you playing hide and seek with me ?" , she asked in a loud and playful voice. When you didn't reply Minji got more confused.

"Y/n ?" Minji raised her voice, just in case you weren't able to hear her.

A gasp escaped Minji's mouth as soon as she saw you.

Right after she had opened the door to your storeroom she saw you lying unconscious on the floor.

Yoongi felt as if all the oxygen had stopped entering his body, because it quite literally had. As soon as he gained his senses back he messaged Minji.

•Present time•

Minji heard the door creak open. She snapped her head in that direction.

Yoongi stood there. His face pale, seeing you on the hospital bed. Minji rushed to his side and cried on his shoulder while Yoongi placed a comforting hand on her back.

Both of them were upset at your situation. Why was this happening ?

~~~

Minji slowly opened the door to your room with a tray. Once she saw you awake she almost dropped the food she was getting for you. She regained her balance before walking over to you and keeping the food tray away.

“Y/n ?”

“Yes unnie ?” You did your best to sound normal but your voice came as a whisper.

Smiling sadly at this, she held your hand and kissed your forehead.

And her eyes got teary as she started apologizing.

"I'm so sorry Y/n that I couldn’t be there for you. And the one time I show up we don't even get to have a movie marathon."

You both let out a soft chuckle while sobbing.

Minji picked up the tray before saying, "Now let's eat, shall we ?"

While she helped you eat you asked Minji about her studies but she dismissed those questions and asked you questions about your health instead.

You always hoped that the moment you would meet your best friend again would be the happiest. You weren’t planning it to be in a hospital.

But what mattered was that she was back. The only person who had been with you the whole time even if she wasn't physically present.

~~~

Minji had left the room after some time because Yoongi soon came in after hearing you had woken up and she wanted you two to have privacy. When the door shut Yoongi slowly walked towards you. He sat down on the bed and held your hand.

"I- I want to tell you something. Something that's been killing me."

"I'm here." you comforted, giving him a sign to continue.

You could see Yoongi was hesitant at first but he also knew that he needed to get it out.

"I had tried my best to not fall in love with you since the first time i ever saw you because I wasnt allowed. But silly me just had to fall head over heels for you. You are just so perfect. I had my whole future planned out with you, I wanted only and only you. I would give you anyhing you wanted and I for once wanted to become someone in my life and it was all for you."

Tears could be seen in his eyes and his delicate fingers were now rubbing circles on the back of your hand as if he was handling something very fragile.

"But all my dreams started crashing like a glass because of my father. I was so lost in you that I had forgotten that I was already forced into an engagement with a girl whose family would provide riches to my father. I tried my best to hide you from him and everyone who could hurt you. I had money, I was working and I was getting ready to take you with me somewhere far for he would never let me marry you. But once again i was thrown down from the sky. My father found out about you and I was forced to cut ties with you. Now i knew i wouldnt be able to do that and my devastation started hurting you: after realizing I immediately tried to get you out of my stupid life. It was necessary Y/n. I loved you too much to let you go but I had to or I would loose you."

He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Y/n that d-day I didnt cheat. I was beaten up by my dad and I decided to drink to drown the sadness. In this state, my fiancee tried to make a move on me. You didn't see the whole thing. But once again I couldnt tell you everything."

"I had to pretend-" his voice broke.

"I had to pretend that I did it and use it as a way to get you away, and believe me Y/n it broke me so damn much."

You rubbed his back gently trying to control your sobs while Yoongi tried to even out his breathing.

"Did you notice Y/n that even after my sudden change i used to try to be normal again ?" He asked looking at you.

"I tried to take you away from home for a while but whenever i got close to my dream my father pulled me to reality."

You nodded remembering how whenever you saw a glimpse of the old Yoongi, he’d receive a phone call and would leave you there without a word.

"Y/n he told me he'd hurt you, I'm so sorry but I was too weak to face him. And what you had to face Y/n, It hurts me. Even the simple thought of it. I shouldn’t even be allowed to ask for your forgiveness. When you said you had cancer, I broke down right there. I hated myself, I hated that I wasnt there when you found out, tha- that i wasnt there to comfort you. And that I was pushing you away when you were trying to tell me. But I couldn't hate myself when I tried to save you from my life. After you stopped visiting me I broke the relationship with my father, I did regret not being able to do it before but only after all the damage was I able to trick him in a contract. Even after all the crying, breaking relationships and running i still couldn't let you come near me again and risk you getting hurt again."

"I am a terrible person who will just hurt you..."

Yoongis' voice, strained fron tears slowly faded away at the last sentence because of the emotional atmosphere. Now yoongi was shaking and crying on your shoulder while you whispered comforting words to him. The room was filled with his muffled sobs and your breaking voice softly soothing him.

When he finally looked at you and locked eyes he spoke the words you had wanted to hear from all these years.

"I love you, very much. And I dont want to loose you. You're my heartbeat, without you...without you I'm nothing."

Yoongi saw you smiling before you spoke what he was dying to hear.

"I love you yoongi and I always will."

That was the last thing he heard from you because Minji had come back.

“The nurse needs to check her. Yoongi....can you step out with me for a moment ?” Some strands of Minji's hair were stuck to her face because of her tears.

Yoongi knew something was wrong so he followed Minji outside right away.

~~~

"Minji, what's wrong ?"

"Yoongi it broke me when I found out so please just be ready for for what I'm about to tell you."

Minji hesitated for a second before continuing.

"Yoongi, Y/N never told me about her condition. No matter how much I tried she would just wave away the topic. Hell, she never even told me which cancer she had. Of course, her cancer is not curable just like any other but breast cancer at stage 0 can make a person live for at least 5 years. She never payed attention to that, she didn't even try to reach out to us for help. With you and me gone she-"

Minji lifted her head to look at the ceiling while closing her eyes but it didn't help her with holding in her tears.

She slowly continued, "She was so lonely that she didn't want to live. Sh-she wanted to give up hope."

Yoongi then took Minji in his embrace and let her sob on his shoulder because he knew how broken his best friend was.

Once Minji pulled away, Yoongi started rambling, "Alright then, I- I'll just go to the bank. I just need some time but I'll get something sorted-"

Minji grabbed Yoongi's hand to stop him. "No Yoongi. You're not going to be paying for anything. The both of you have always hid your troubles from me, suffering alone. I will not let that happen ever again. I want you, Yoongi to stay by her side while I sort everything out."

Saying this Minji walked away to make a call to her family doctor.

~~~

You had accepted that giving up without trying to live was easier but you didn't know you had enough time to stop the timer from reaching it's end.

~~~

Now holding hands with both Yoongi and Minji, staring at the beautiful scenery of the mountains that layed before the three of you, you laughed loudly.

Although your cancer was not curable, Minji was able to help you get treatment which would help you live. It was rare, no very rare for a cancer patient to live a very long life but it didn't matter if you had only seven or more years left, you wanted to spend them with Minji and Yoongi. Your Minji and Yoongi.

"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN !", Minji shouted.

"It makes it better that I'm here with the two of you.", Yoongi added.

You looked sideways at the pair. It was such a beautiful moment.

"Hey remember the thing we used to do in highschool ?", Yoongi asked to you both.

"Are you talking about when we randomly shouted together ?", Minji asked, voice bubbling with excitement.

You decided to come in. "At three, ok ?"

"3, 2, 1 !!!!!"

Loud cheers erupted from the roadside.

After screaming on the top of your lungs the three of you started laughing happily.

Such moments deserved to be treasured for ever.

The three of you together.

~~~

•Your life can change in an instant. That instant can last forever.~•

-------------------------------

Taglist- @sadhwstudent @betysotelo18

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I think I like this as much as the angst one. I'm done with the series I've gotten so attached to 🥺

I've thoroughly enjoyed writing Stained Glass and I hoped you enjoyed reading it just as much.

Lay~

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wallofweird · 3 years

Note

It's making me nervous that JH keeps making comments about not focing love with Madison.

Right. Well, the first thing I have to say about all this is: I’m not worried at all, if anything, I’m optimistic. I'm stating this first and explaining why because this might become a long answer, so I’m letting you know in case you don’t have the time/disposition/patience to read all of it or at least now at the moment.

The first thing we need to remember about headlines is that people usually make it dramatic, they carefully pick the most ambiguous or potentially concerning words, usually out of context and use it as a title to get clicks. They could’ve gone with something like “it’s an amazing story”, but that’s not engaging. On the other hand, “You can’t really force love”, certainly is. It’s all clickbait.

So, Justin teases: “I’ve said this before: You can’t really force love. It doesn’t work.”

And that is actually him making a reference to this old answer:

“Love is a strange thing. If you let it [love] happen, it could be wonderful. If you try to force it, then you’re always going to be searching for something that maybe never was there in the first place. And not only that, but maybe you didn’t even really want. You’re shutting yourself out to things, because you had this idea about what your life was supposed to be. And there it was right in front of you.”

For me, that was a great analogy between Kevin’s relationships with Sophie and Madison, with Kevin letting love happen to him with Madison instead of trying to force a fantasy he had on his mind like he’s done before.

And these are more important parts of interview:

Coming into Episode 5, is there any lingering doubt in Kevin’s mind about the path he’s forged with Madison? Or is he full steam ahead on “This is a good thing, and it’s all going to work out?”

I think the doubt is showcased in Kevin in fear. The fear that it might not work out. Gosh, I mean what if they can’t coexist together and be this cohesive unit that comes together and raises these kids, and he [only] sees them on the weekends? There’s all of that stuff. Probably, those are the things that keep Kevin awake at night. He said as much in the last episode. He sits there and stares at the ceiling and worries. All that worry comes from fear, the fear that it absolutely will not work out and that he’s trying to force something.

I’ve said this before: You can’t really force love. It doesn’t work. He’s also in a little bit of a predicament. It’s not like he’s dating a woman that he doesn’t want to be dating. He’s in a situation where she’s having his babies. And he has, his whole life, been bound by this idea that he wants to be what his father knew he could be. Because that was cut so short, Kevin doesn’t give himself the breaks that maybe he should. He doesn’t cut himself any slack… and then he finds himself in a bigger predicament. It’s not him messing up for the sake of messing up or being selfish, as we saw him do several years ago. It’s that he puts a lot of stress and pressure on himself, and that sometimes can lead to the balloon popping, so to speak.

It seems like the movie he’s currently filming is not going to help, with a hard-to-please director who has gone out of his way to let Kevin know he’s not going to pat him on the head. Tell me if you think I’m wrong, but it feels like Kevin has some impostor syndrome going on here.

I don’t think that’s overstated. I would say he’s going through yet another existential crisis. [Laughs] If I were his therapist, I would say you’ve got to prioritize the things in your life that are important to you and not live your life for other people. If you look at what he’s actually been able to accomplish, he’s dedicated to being an amazing dad and raising these kids together. Whatever that thing ends up being with Madison, he’s going to give it his all. His career is on track. This won’t be the last movie in the history of the world. Maybe you say no to the movie, or maybe you can do both. Maybe you don’t have to be there every waking moment of the babies’ lives. There are other things that you have to do. You have to leave and go put food on the table. There are other things. Live your life for yourself a little bit. But I don’t know if Kevin does that. I think he’s so focused, and he’s on a mission. With a good heart, but just sometimes a little bit misguided.

How clearly is Kevin seeing Rebecca’s level of mental decline right now? It can be a hard thing to accept.

I think that’s part of the stress. That’s why he’s eager to have these babies, and he wants his mom to meet the babies. Look, he’s aware that this decline is degenerative. It’s not going to get better. You have moments where it might be like, “She’s better today than she was yesterday. She’s better this week than she was last week.” But it’s a degenerative disease. There’s a fall-off. I think he wants to make sure that he has these babies and his mom meets them and spends as much time with them as she possibly can have. And also maybe that might actually…sometimes when you spend time around animals or babies or whatever it slows down the demise of your disease. So he’s definitely aware of all of that. [In the pandemic], how are you…gosh, that’s a stressful thing, too. If you have these twins and I want them to meet Mom, but I can’t right now. It’s not safe. It’s like every single second you hear the clock ticking. Kevin’s got a biological clock, let me put it that way. [Laughs] Kevin is the only man alive that has a biological clock that’s ticking.

The way I see it, there are two ways to interpret this quote about not forcing love:

1) He is not in love with Madison and is trying to force a relationship.

2) At some point, Kevin will have some sort of nervous breakdown and question everything, his relationship with Madison, fatherhood, his actions as a son, brother, actor, person... Including maybe how Madison feels about him, their compatibility and the functionality of their relationship. Does she feel the same way he feels about her? Is she all in with him, his career, the fact sometimes he has to stay away and maybe even travel to a whole different country to shoot a movie? They might love each other, but love isn’t enough. Take Kevin and Zoe as an example, they were in love, but they wanted totally different things. And their love wasn’t enough, because Kevin’s biggest dream was to have a marriage and kids, but Zoe didn’t want children. So, if it doesn’t work out, it can get messy. They will have to share custody, not Kevin nor Madison will be with the babies every single day, there are a lot of different outcomes their relationship can bring.

I personally go with the latter, specially considering everything Justin has said so far and how we was referring to his own answer about Kevin letting love “happen to him”.

Also, because Madison has never forced Kevin to anything. They had known each other for 2 years, they weren’t close friends, but there was a sense of familiarity and camaraderie there and they even got to hang out with each other a few times.

With Kate included, yes, but the three of them were comfortable and used to it, as you can see here, with Madison silently asking for Kevin’s support, Kevin backing her up, smiling and appreciating her little quirks etc.

And both and Justin expressed how they saw Madison as part of the family, even before the pregnancy:

Moving forward, Madison reveals the pregnancy to Kevin on March 5h, since then the show has implied they had talked and hung out before breaking the news to Kate and Toby and Kevin moving in with her, which happened in May.

The show hasn’t really specified when they got together and if it happened immediately after their second time or if they danced around it a little bit before starting a romantic relationship, but since the time they slept together again, they have shown that they do talk,

notice when the other is bothered or worried about something,

think of little things to please one another,

that they share a bedroom now,

and have a routine at home, having meals together, etc.

I mean, the very fact he was already about to put his shirt on before Madison told him to indicates that they they know each well, that they can predict what the other is thinking, that they have a little system of their own.

It’s also stated that Madison knows about Kevin’s ‘broken parts’

and she trusts and believes in him.

Plus, not only that, but she doesn’t think they’re flaws at all.

The fact she thought she had lost her babies and she just wanted KEVIN’S company shows their relationship was already considerably serious back THEN:

And THIS IS KEVIN after their second time:

He is embracing her and has his fingers wrapped around her arm, sort of locking her in, he is fondling her hair, when Madison slightly moves her head he goes down to her shoulder because while he doesn’t want to wake her up, he still just can’t bring himself to stop touching her, he is savoring the moment, he is savoring Madison. There are many ways they could’ve implied they had slept together and introduce the beginning of their relationship, but they specifically chose THIS WAY because they were making a POINT.

And when when Kevin proposes, you can see a little hesitation, like it’s not a in-the-spur-of-the-moment-kind-of thing,

that he’s actually been considering it for a while, his head is telling him to wait a little longer, but his heart is telling him to just act on his feelings and he ultimately goes with the latter.

You can see there is a bit of nervousness and vulnerability when he pulls down her mask because he didn’t initially understand her response:

and and THIS is his reaction when she accepts:

This is simple and pure fulfillment.

Yet, Madison understands how Kevin can get ahead of himself, which is why she gives him an out, but Kevin chooses not to take it back.

And he says that very with confidence and determintion.

Plus, he goes around referring to Madison as his fiancée to strangers.

Madison wasn’t forcing Kevin to do anything and he wasn’t forcing himself to do anything either, he was being genuine and acting on feelings he had both shown and mentioned multiple times, not only to her but other people as well.

Emphasis for him getting emotional just by TALKING about her here.

If ANYTHING, I’d classify his actions as impulsive, but not exactly rushed. He might have let his heart take the lead, yes, but he’s known Madison for 2 years before they hooked up, they had been talking and hanging out together and alone for about THREE months, they had been QUARANTINING together for around MORE THREE OTHER MONTHS. I think their peculiar situation actually justifies getting engaged so fast, they have spent a lot of time getting to know each other better and developing feelings for one another, not to mention the knowledge and familiarity they already had with each other since 2018.

And Justin himself has mentioned that Kevin is more thoughtful about his actions now and that he considers Madison and their children as well:

So I doubt he would’ve proposed and stuck to that proposal if his heart wasn’t settled on it, specially with the way he looks and talks about her. I believe that he is starting to get nervous now that there are a lot of things going on or about to happen.

Before, Kevin and Madison were in their little bubble, living together, getting to know each other, falling in love, dating, in a certain way, we could compare it to a honeymoon.

Now he is back at work, Rebecca still has a degenerative disease, her memory will deteriorate, she will lose her autonomy at some point, he is away of her, he is still at odds with Randall, he is away from Randall and his nieces, he is away of his uncle and second father figure, the babies could be born at any moment, he is afraid of not being a good father, of passing his problems on to his children, about his age, physical appearance, sobriety, he wants to do this movie so he can get a big award and bring Rebecca along with him to see it, he worries about doing things right with his relationship with Madison... And that’s all happening in the middle of a pandemic. it’s A LOT OF STRESS.

Now, add Kevin’s overall self-consciousness. Kevin is naturally insecure. He’s said and shown that multiple times for all these years. He doubts his talent, intelligence, wisdom, maturity, it took him a while to see himself as someone that could be a father and responsible for another human being. When things get though, his nature is to doubt himself, to think he’s not good enough, not capable enough, he’s gone as far as thinking that his issues weren’t worth of attention and care, that his parents didn’t love him as much as his siblings, he almost gave up starring on his old TV show because he didn’t think he was funny enough, there is a scene from season 1 when he’s reading the script of the play and he starts questions if if he even UNDERSTANDS the play.

And as Justin emphasized, he just keeps adding things to his plate, he got a part on a movie when he is about to become a father of two and has a lot of things happening in his family, not to mention his own physical and mental health.

So, I can see a moment when Kevin is overwhelmed and he has a nervous breakdown and questions everything he does, including as a fiancée and/or he overreacts and thinks Madison doesn’t reciprocate his feelings and his mind just goes to the worst case scenario, like maybe things don’t work out and he loses her while also not getting to be as involved in their children’s as he expected because they’re not together anymore. Which makes sense considering this is his most mature relationship to date and he is dealing with problems he’s never dealt with. He’s gonna freak out at some point. Plus, it also matches what Justin said on this very own interview:

Also, on this one:

And despite the dramatic and exaggerated headline, he added this as well:

And said this quite recently too:

So, he will probably panic at some point, which is normal, but like Justin pointed it out, it’s out of a place of FEAR, not second thoughts. If things don’t work out, it affects him, Madison, the children, Kate, Jack and Toby to the very LEAST, because they’re all close... However, it will work out and Madison will help him ease and navigate this situation better as well. They’ll be partners and work as a real couple should and does.

STILL, Justin always likes to remind us Kevin is all in. He did it now:

and for the past NINE months:

So, my guess is that he is overwhelmed with all things considered and maybe getting a part on this movie isn’t helping and he might even get to the point of having to prioritize things, but whether he has to choose between his family and the movie or manages to balance both out, HE IS PUTTING HIS FAMILY FIRST.

Plus, if you watch the promo, Madison reminds Kevin he promised he was “all in” and he replies "I know what I said”, with calmness, certainty and determination.

And they also have these clothes on:

Then, you have them in different clothes,

on what appears to be the next day.

And you can see they tried really hard to capture the most enigmatic expressions,

but on the last picture you can see a smile forming on her face.

And since the article affirms there will be a direct answer to that on the next episode...

Madison having a smiling on her face gives me enough reason to do the same myself.

#this is us #kevin pearson #madison simons #kevison #kadison #justin hartley #fae talks #anon #answers

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songandashadow · 4 years

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Canon Compliant fics

***PLEASE ALWAYS READ THE TAGS FOR POSSIBLE TRIGGERS***

the 🔒 means you’ll have to be logged in to read!

✦ Taste of a Poison Paradise by objectlesson | 9k

Louis notices Harry's mouth right away.

✦ it's just that it's delicate by acciocreativity (condescendingsmirk) | 2k

Harry giggles sleepily and Louis’ heartstrings give a little tug. “Come snuggle, then?” he asks hopefully, blinking up at Louis slowly. He brings a hand up to rub at his tired eyes. “Body heat and all that.”

✦ After Midnight by zarah5 | 4k 🔒

Louis hates how often people forget that Harry is only nineteen.

✦ wild flower, my face of love by orphan_account | 11k 🔒

It feels like a lifetime’s worth of adoration when Harry kisses him – just to kiss him, just to feel his lips, because even 15 minutes without them is 14 minutes and 59 seconds too many – and when Louis holds him back, wraps his arms and legs and lips around him, it’s like an inexplicable familiarity between their souls that just four years can’t explain.

Or: the one where Jay gets married.

✦ The Sound of Your Voice From Far Away by pukeandcry | 39k 🔒

It'd be perfect, he convinces himself. Things with Lou are – well. They're the way they are, and there's no point dwelling on why it's got that way. But he thinks this would help -- not fix them, because they're not broken. They don't need to be put back together, they're just. Out of sync, maybe. It would help. He thinks it would, anyway, if they could just be the two of them again, to be alone together with no outside influences pressing claustrophobically in on them, just for a bit. And driving down an empty highway with nothing else but Louis beside him is the best way to do that that he can imagine.

Or, after the U.S. leg of the Take Me Home tour, Harry and Louis drive from L.A. to NYC. They figure some things out, like how to deal with the distance that's been growing between them.

✦ One More Time Again by orphan_account | 232k 🔒 [part 2]

Harry looks down to where Louis is cradling his hand between his own. Louis' hands are slender, the bones delicate, the nails bitten short. The 2-8 on the backs of his fingers is gone, but the faded scar from a skateboarding mishap in Year 7 is still there.

Harry's hand is awkward, knobby-boned and naked, no rings, no tattoos. It's too big for his wrist and his wrist too big for his arm. Yet it still somehow fits in Louis' in the painfully perfect way it always did.

He blinks back the sting in his eyes.

On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right.

A canon-compliant fix-it fic (sort of).

✦ live for today by togetherwecouldbealright for tomorrows | 2k🔒

“’S pretty,” he murmurs to Louis, setting his phone down. “Like you.”

When Louis laughs, Harry feels his chest shaking underneath him and it makes him want to explode into a million colors himself.

“Thanks, Haz,” Louis says, lips pressed against the crown of Harry’s head. “You’re lovely.”

Harry and Louis watch the fireworks.

✦ Can We Pretend (honestly reality bores me) by SadaVeniren | 4k [part 3 of this series]

He felt Louis chuckle. “Dreaming of being my supportive, no-name boyfriend again?”

“Always,” Harry whispered. It was true. After all this time together there was no point in hiding any of his fantasies from Louis, no matter how innocent they were. So Louis was well aware of Harry’s desire to be anonymous sometimes - the “no-name” as Louis called him - loyal, a constant presence at Louis’ side.

aka Harry comes and supports Louis at his Scala concert

✦ nonstop earthquake dreams of you by lumineres for tomorrows | 37k

And there's heat behind it, blazing, plasmatic, like stars crashing together, like an explosion in space, like a supernova, like a black hole--everything else sucked out of existence. There's no bed and there's no pillow and they're not lying down, just floating somewhere, somehow, and there's no room and there's no X Factor house and there's no Niall snuffling or Liam's deep, even breathing and there's no wind or traffic outside and there's no hum of the heating unit and it's all just Louis. All encompassingly Louis.

or, harry falls hard and finds louis already at the bottom

✦ For a lifetime I’ll be by your side (I do) by SadaVeniren | 3k

“If this works out I’m gonna ask you to marry me,” Louis whispered.

He felt Harry stir in his arms, and he held his breath, hoping he hadn’t woken him. No such luck, because a moment later Harry mumbled back, “I accept.”

Louis swallowed, a smile crossing his face. “You do?”

Harry mumbled again in agreement. “Marry you in every country I can.”

Five times Louis proposed to Harry and One time Harry proposed to Louis

✦ Hiding Place by alivingfire | 365k [part 2]

Louis never wanted a soulmate, didn’t really care for the whole Bonding thing at all, really. Enter Harry Styles, who’s wanted to be Bonded for as long as he could remember. With one fateful meeting in an X Factor bathroom, Louis gets a dagger on his arm and the realization that just because Harry is his soulmate doesn’t mean it’s mutual.

From the X Factor house to Madison Square Garden, from the Fountain Studios stage to stadiums across the world, Louis has to learn to love without losing himself completely, because someday his best friend will Bond to someone and replace Louis as the center of his universe. Meanwhile, Harry begins to think that maybe fate doesn’t actually know what it’s doing after all, because his other half has clearly been right in front of him the whole time. All he has to do now is convince Louis to give them a chance.

Or, the canon compliant Harry and Louis love story from the very beginning, where the only difference is that the love between them is literally written on their skin, and there’s only so much they can hide.

✦ somewhere I can rest my soul by togetherwecouldbealright | 3k

I’m Louis Tomlinson,” the boy says, holding his hand out. Glancing down at it, Harry starts at the word beautiful written there, just along his pointer finger. It seems someone else knows exactly how stunning Louis is.

Willing himself not to act like a complete and utter prat, Harry takes Louis’ hand in his own and quietly murmurs, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Or, the AU where the way your soulmate sees you is tattooed onto your skin.

hope you enjoy these! if you do, please don’t forget to leave kudos. :)

MORE RECS: Friends to Lovers fic rec / August Fic Rec

#larry fic rec #larry fic #larry #canon compliant

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hockeyplayerstories · 4 years

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Quinn Hughes | Kid

It's been a couple years yet he still thought about this one girl he once dated. She was everything he wanted in a woman, her looks was just a bonus. She was absolutely breathtaking and he doesn’t know how she fell for him, he was just an average looking guy. Many asked him if she was just with him for his money but at the time, he wasn’t even playing for money so he immediately turned down that question. Having met the first day of classes at the University of Michigan, they were together for about a year until she just suddenly broke up with him and moved back home to Quebec. He didn’t understand why she did it until a week after she left when he finally found the letter she had left him in one of his notebooks when he got home. She had written that she didn’t deserve him and that his best friend, Madison, was more closer to him and that she showed more signs of being the one for him. He couldn’t believe what he was reading but he continued on until he got to a part that had him scrambling for his phone to call her. Phone in hand, he remembered the moment that apparently caused her to leave and didn’t remember using protection. He thought for a moment to himself that If he did get into contact with her, what would he say? She was going to have his baby but they were young, he didn’t know what to do. His family was staying in Toronto at that moment in time but knew they were coming back soon to the house in Michigan because he was given a week off from school to spend some time at home, he just had to wait for them.

At the time, he didn’t know what to do but did manage to get a hold of Y/N at the moment but all she told him to just live his life. She hung up after she said that, he let her because he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t tell anyone and it's been eating at him ever since. It's been maybe 3 or 4 years and he is just now deciding to tell someone and his mother was the first person he wanted to tell before he left for training camp.

Ellen Hughes had gone grocery shopping because she had three boys under her roof so Quinn had to wait until she got back. He was so anxious, he was shaking in his seat at the kitchen table, he went over what he wanted to say in his head about a thousands times all while he looked at the photo he saved from Instagram, a photo of his son he found on Y/N’s account. After 30 minutes of waiting, his mother finally got back home. “Can someone come help me with the groceries!” she called out into the house, all three of her sons coming to help. Another 30 minutes later, Quinn finally takes the chance to talk to his mother once everyone has left the kitchen “Mom, I need to tell you something very important”. He took a deep breathe after stating that. Ellen, looking him in the eye, motions towards the table while taking a seat herself.

Silence filled the room for a few minutes until Quinn took in a deep breath and cleared his throat “I don’t know how or where to begin…..” he paused, “Just start when you can, I can tell its eating you alive” his mother’s soft words comforted him along with the hand on his that is placed on the table. He decides to just blurt it out “I am a dad” he says with hesitation, but he has a smile on his face. Ellen is speechless, which was understandable; her oldest baby just told her he had his own baby “How?......when?......Quinn what?...”. He gave his mother a couple minutes to process what he said a little more before saying something. “I believe it was the same year I began playing for the Uni. I met a girl at one of the parties there. Her cousin was the host, their uncle owned the building and let them have a party. She looked so beautiful, I couldn’t contain myself, I had to get to know her. I quickly fell in love with her and we dated for a year, we did do some things…….I won’t say it but you know what I mean” Quinn sheepishly smiled to which his mother returned, not knowing what to say to that, Quinn continued “I recently found out from Instagram that they moved to somewhere in Vancouver, so I was thinking of asking to meet up with her to talk. What do you think I should do?”.

His mother had some questions that she needed to be answered before helping him “what did she tell you? How did you find out exactly?” Quinn took a couple seconds to think of an answer “she just told me it was best that we break up, she didn’t tell me she was pregnant, she just said we have to break up and then she moved back home. I found out through a letter that she had written to me and hid in my dorm, that I should live my life without the stress of being a young dad or a dad so soon”. Now that was a lot to think about, what does she say to her son with this situation? Ellen takes a good long look at Quinn, her oldest son, while he looks from the kitchen table to her eyes and back. She knows he is a good boy and wants to do what’s best, “how long ago was this again? Like years?” That's a good question that makes Quinn think hard “Maybe 3 or 4 years?” she nods her head in acknowledgement. One last question is left to ask and answer “Boy or girl?”. Quinn smiles “It's a boy named Gabriel”. Ellen gave him a questionable look at the name “she is from Quebec that’s why the sounds french so i'm guessing he was born in Quebec as well” he explained. Ok, now what? Ellen decided to say what she needed to be said “I think…...you should meet up with her, if she wants, and from what I understand you want to be in his life……” Quinn nods his head immediately “and hers too, I loved her from the moment I set my eyes on her and she has not left my mind since but we only dated for a year” Ellen smiled and recalled that moment “is that why you came home that summer sad?” Quinn nods his head “Well that answers it then. She sounds to be nice….I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to meet up and talk” Quinn smiled and nodded his head.

It took a couple days to convince Y/N to meet up and talk, talk about their future as Quinn still loved her, seeming having expressed that fact multiple times but Y/N’s defensive walls only broke down when Quinn mentioned wanting to be in his son’s life and help raise him. Quinn completely understood, she was a single mother that changed her whole life for this little boy who was the most important thing and everything she did, every decision, was for him. She didn’t have to do everything on her own and that was one of the first things Quinn addressed when they met up in Vancouver, having come back a month earlier before training camp started so that he’d have more time to adjust to family life.

Quinn was the first to arrive at the place they agreed to meet, a Tim Hortons located just 20 minute drive away from the Rogers Arena. He picked and sat at a table that was close to the back for some privacy away from the other customers, he watched people come in and out from the entrance until this absolute angel walked through the doors. He couldn’t help but smile because she was as beautiful as the last time he saw her in person, he just had a couple of more minutes of taking in her beauty as she looked around looking for him with her bright hazel eyes that seemed to sparkle as the light hit them at the perfect angle. When their eyes finally met, it was a cliche moment where time seemed to have stopped and everyone around just disappeared and it was just them two. Of course that was quickly broken when Y/N started walking to where Quinn sat, he didn’t know what to do, does he stand up to hug her? Shake her hand? What? In Quinn fashion……...he just continued to watch as she took a seat in front of him, only breaking eye contact to concentrate to push the cup of hot chocolate he had ordered for her before he had sat down knowing it was her favorite thing to order at Timmies. She accepted it with a soft smile “you remembered” she softly praised, Quinn sheepishly smiled back “saw it in a couple of your posts on instagram too” he admitted with a shrug of his shoulders as she laughed.

They talked about everything that needed to be talked about, everything that needed to be said right then and there, Quinn was not mad at Y/N for doing what she did and saw the sigh of relief leave her shoulders when he said that. They had agreed to take things slow, see how things turn out but it didn’t feel like anything changed, they still felt comfortable in each other's presence.

Quinn is very thankful for what life has given him, a couple years has passed since then and everything has gone smoothly so far. A smile is permanently stuck on his face and it began the moment they agreed to try things again in that Tim Hortons. All these thoughts cross his mind once in awhile and he is completely okay with that but he gets brought back to reality by the sound of a goal horn going off and the sound of his wife Y/N cheering and clapping next to him along with the little two year old girl sat in her daddy’s lap clapping as well. They were currently at the local ice rink for Gabriel’s game, it was an early one but he is very lucky to have been given the day off to come watch his son play. He peers down at the ice to see his 9 year old son pointing at him in celebration of his goal he just scored as he huddles around his teammates, he seems to do that every time Quinn comes to watch him because it was rare for him to be able to catch a game. Quinn of course still gets a little emotional every time his son scores because he always seems to dedicate all the goals he’s scored to his parents, Y/N still cries a little too, which they still don’t understand why he does that but are still thankful to have such a happy kid to call theirs.

*****Hope y’all like this imagine............******

#quinn hughes imagine #vancouver canucks #nhl hockey #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #quinn hughes

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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 3 years

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Review: ‘Growing Up Moonie’ Details Life Inside the Unification Church

by Nic Dobija-Nootens April 15, 2019

https://podcastreview.org/review/growing-up-moonie/

When Hideo Higashibaba was 22 years old, he left his family and the cult he was born into. Unlike people who join cults later in life — who we typically think of when we think of cult members — Higashibaba never chose to be part of the Unification Church. The decision was made for him before birth, and it would become a breaking point between him and the community he grew up in.

In his podcast Growing Up Moonie, Higashibaba details his life inside and now outside the Unification Church, a cult with an estimated 1 to 2 million members worldwide. [250,000 is a more realistic maximum.] The show is deeply personal and at times heartbreaking, and it offers a more nuanced view into the complexity of cults than more common stories about captivating leaders or the media frenzies surrounding them.

Although the Unification Church describes itself as a Christian religious movement, the organization’s strict beliefs, autocratic structure, and rigorous ingrouping are telltale signs of a cult.

Founded [in Seoul] in 1954 by Sun Myung Moon, a North Korean defector, the Unification Church would have its members believe Moon was a messiah figure who was free of sin and held sole power to forgive their sins. After Moon moved to the United States in the 1970s and gained attention for holding large rallies and mass wedding ceremonies, in which thousands of couples would be married simultaneously, people both within and outside the group began referring to members as “Moonies” as a reference to the founder.

Like many Moonies, Higashibaba’s parents, who both joined the Unification Church on their own, were matched by Moon and entered into an arranged marriage. Their mass ceremony, along with approximately 2,074 other couples, took place in 1982 at Madison Square Garden, a video of which is available online. Higashibaba, as a “second generation” Moonie or “blessed child,” was told to believe he was born without sin and was superior to other kids, which made fitting in with people outside the Unification Church difficult, even if they were part of his own family.

In the show, Higashibaba recalls relatives mocking him and his parents for being Moonies, calling them “brainwashed” and “weak-minded.” As a kid, Higashibaba was hurt by these remarks. The Unification Church was simply part of his family’s backdrop, and he was too young to see how its members were manipulated into believing that they were the insiders, while everyone else were outsiders. Ultimately, that kind of dichotomy reinforced by the Unification Church drove wedges between Moonies and the non-Moonie world, usually causing members to double down in their faith and engagement.

Higashibaba’s central point with Growing Up Moonie is that he and other “second gens” never had a choice in becoming Moonies. The Unification Church and its members made up much of his life and profoundly shaped his worldview. And because he was discouraged from pursuing non-Moonie friendships, it would be years before he realized leaving was ever a possibility.

▲ The Unification Church blessing ceremony of 777 couples officiated by founder Sun Myung Moon and his wife, Hak Ja Han. The womb-like decoration is similar to others seen at UC mass weddings.

In the course of independently recording and producing the show with editor Quinn Myers, Higashibaba interviewed other “second gens” about growing up in the Unification Church. Their lives and the relationships they navigate with their families are far more complicated than can be conveyed by any news headline, partly because their experiences weren’t all negative.

A woman who Higashibaba calls “Jenn” reminisces over the fun of large church services and playing with other Moonie children at a waterfront retreat. Another woman, Teruko, fondly remembers traveling through Europe and fundraising with Unification missionaries. And despite being shunned for breaking off an arranged marriage or “blessing,” then marrying a non-Moonie, Teruko remains in the Unification Church.

Moonies, like other cult members, can’t easily leave because their lives, identities, and families are so deeply entwined in the Unification Church. The sense that every member is part of one enormous “true family” is a great source of comfort and inspiration for many involved, but it’s also a manipulative tactic to scare people into staying.

Although Higashibaba started questioning his beliefs in high school, he didn’t leave the Unification Church until years later, because it would also entail cutting himself off from his family. When he finally left in college, he relied on support from non-Moonie friends to help him through his depression and self-reckoning.

That same year, Higashibaba also came out as gay, something he found empowering, but that he never could have celebrated within the Unification Church. Moonies do not accept homosexuality, period. The founder Moon, who died in 2012, was once quoted calling gay people “shit-eating dogs.” For most of us, who don’t grow up in a cultish structure, discovering who we are and what makes us happy is a big enough challenge. So needing to disconnect yourself from your family in order to find yourself, as Higashibaba did, is terrifying.

When I spoke with Higashibaba about the show’s personal focus, he said he considered doing more of an investigative approach to covering the Unification Church, but after beginning the project he realized the contributions his story could offer not only other cult survivors, but other people born into restrictive religious groups in general.

“I’m hoping this podcast creates some space for how incredibly complicated it is to turn your back on your family or to turn your back on faith,” Higashibaba said. “There are minute compromises and negotiations that all of us make day in and day out when it comes to whether or not we have to give up our relationships with our families, and I think the less privilege that you have in this world…the more dire and intense those compromises become. Making it normal to have these difficult compromises and negotiations…hopefully will create a more realistic picture of what it feels like to be in a cult, and help de-sensationalize the experience for other people.”

Although there are documentaries, TV specials, and miniseries about cults, they often overlook the everyday individuals living and struggling through them. Instead, they demonstrate the bizarreness of the charismatic leader or emphasize the shocked public perception. By not focusing on Sun Myung Moon, or the Unification Church’s millions of dollars worth of investments and business dealings, the show strikes a brilliantly human connection. Ultimately, that connection is more devastating to bear than any flashy exposé.

Higashibaba grew up seeing the Moonies and other cults made fun of in sitcoms and comedy movies, and he found it maddening. “As somebody who used to be in a cult watching this, I felt very othered, and a lot like a zoo animal,” he said. “Like, ‘Look at these weird people and the weird stuff they believe.’ It’s all quite dehumanizing.” Growing Up Moonie is now one way for those people to be seen, and an honest look at a difficult group for the rest of us.

“Cults are really fun to cover because they seem uncomplicated, but actually they aren’t,” he said. “There’s so many stories of broken hearts because of them, and in other cult media I never got to see the heartbreak that I have experienced in it, and I wanted that to be in the story.”

_______________________________________

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/growing-up-moonie/id1453725149

#Hideo Higashibaba #Moonies #cult #Sun Myung Moon

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winnipegpatty · 4 years

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You Wrote a Letter to the Wrong Guy | s.m.

Summary: You’ve been in a back and forth relationship with Shawn for years now, and you finally think it’s time to say goodbye for good. Shawn doesn’t see it that way.

Words: 5k+

a/n: this fic prompt is based off the tv show Younger.

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Dear Shawn,

I can’t imagine my life without you. There’s no easy way to say it, and writing doesn’t make it any better. But I have to try to explain why this is happening. Over the past three years, you’ve changed everything for me. There are so many memories I have of our time together. Some that I know I will cherish for a lifetime. I think of our first night together, when we met at the bar. Or my first time backstage at one of your concerts. Some memories were good times. And some I wish I could forget, but through all of our moments, you saw me for me. You loved me in my most difficult time, and you accepted me when people were leaving me behind. I say I can’t imagine a life without you, a life without your guitar playing in the back of my mind, or hearing your laugh over the phone, but it’s time I let you go. It hurts to tell you these things, but I want my relationship with Nick to work. And the only way I can do that is for there to be space between us. I’m so sorry, Shawn.

Love Always.

Shawn’s hearts sank deeper with every work he read. His stomach twisted into knots, and he really could vomit. He’d always heard people say that watching the love of their life with someone else was harder than losing them, but what did those idiots know? Did they ever actually experience both options? Because seeing her with Nick was horrible, but they’d still remained friends. They still shared moments with each other. She’d still convinced Shawn to go back to tour when he thought he couldn’t handle the pressure anymore. They still had late night phone calls where they bared a little too much of their soul for exes. He’d still been able to convince himself that one day she’d come back to her. Because truly, he always thought she would. He’d given her every single piece of his heart. She had it all. Surely, that was enough for her to come back, right? They’d had ups and downs, but far more ups. He’d take her any way, even if it was this small fragment of a friendship that was left. Why wasn’t his all enough to convince her to stay?

People told Shawn he’d get over her. But he never thought those people had truly been in love if they thought he’d ever be the same again. He could live his life, sure. But he’d never feel the way he felt about her again. The moment he saw her alone at the bar, he knew it. Shawn used to say he wanted his first ever heartbreak. Like it would fuel his career or something. But that was only when he’d thought that the heartbreak would end and eventually give birth to a new form of love. But there was no new love. There was no love outside of her.

And what? He’s just supposed to accept that she wasn’t going to ever speak to him again? So she could give Nick a try? What about giving Shawn a try? What about all the times she’d ran from him because she was too terrified to give it a true shot? No, no this, this letter, this apology, this ending — it’s bullshit.

——

It was about to be a crazy night. You were already preparing yourself, but you weren’t really sure there was a true way to prepare for your best friends bachelorette party. But nevertheless, you were maid of honor, and you were determined to give her the best possible night. Starting with a surprise kidnapping and s strip club visit (or two).

“Dee, just get in the damn car,” Haylee, one of the bridesmaids, shouted at the bride as she yanked her by the arm into the hot pink limo sized Hummer. “Why can’t you be normal and just let loose for once in your life!” Haylee huffed as she finally pulled Diana into the car.

“So you planned something,” Diana looked at you.

You smiled at her, “I know you.”

Diana smiled, as she was handed a glass of champagne.

“Let’s get crazy, bitches!”

You knew Haylee would take the reigns at some point over the night, it was simply in Haylee’s nature. You weren’t to upset over it, even as maid of honor.

——

Four shots into the night, multiple lap dances, and two clubs later everyone in the bridal party was drunk, and Haylee was calling the shots as predicted.

“Let’s go!!!” She was always shouting, “It’s a night for spontaneity.”

The group of girls shouts out, as they all threw back one last shot and stumbled out of the club.

“Into the Hummer,” Haylee called, “We’ve got a concert to get to!”

Something in your brain registered that this might not be the original plans for the night, but you were so far gone you weren’t even sure what the plans had entailed. And you’re the one who’d made them. The next thing you know, everyone’s being shuttled into the Hummer, and Haylee’s somehow reminding everyone to stay hydrated. So with bottles of water in hand, you head in the direction of wherever Haylee has decided to take the rest of the night. The girls are in the back of the limo, laughing about something someone did at the bar, but your mind drifts as you watch the buildings fly by.

You thought about the letter you sent Shawn, it was a Dear John kind of goodbye letter. Even though you’d sent it a few days prior, you still weren’t sure it was the right choice. Shawn held the most special place in your heart, but you felt like a part of you could never truly leave him, if you continued to have him in your life. Nick deserved better than that. He deserved a girl who wanted to be with him and no one else. You so desperately wanted to fit the mold of that girl.

Eventually, the Hummer pulls to the back of...what looks to be the Madison Square Garden? The building is already booming, and it’s clear that a concert has already started. And come to think of it, it’s really late.

“Wait, why are we coming to the concert when it’s almost over?” You ask Haylee.

“Because I’ve got backstage passes, bitches!”

What Haylee holds up is a group of Shawn Mendes The Tour passes, that ones Shawn had handed out to all of you at the beginning of the tour, so you could all go to any show you wanted too, without getting tickets or fussing with passes.

“Wait, what?” You panicked, “We can’t go in there!”

Haylee rolled her eyes, “We sure can, just because you said bye to the rockstar, doesn’t mean we all did.”

Your stomach was tightened as you felt the urge to vomit. You ran to the nearest trash can and hurled yourself over it.

“Hurry up, girls,” Haylee sang over the crowd. As the group passed by you, Haylee settled a hand on your shoulder. “Remember, it’s not about you tonight, it’s about Dee.”

You pushed yourself up and nodded, following the group of girls into the back door where they showed their passes to a security guard. She was right, this wasn’t about you or Shawn. It was about Dee having a good bachelorette party. You could ignore Shawn for one night.

Walking into the back hallways, you can hear In My Blood playing through the arena, which you knew to be Shawn’s closing number. The group of girls turned the corner, and came to be standing right off the stage, where Shawn would exit from. You had two minutes, tops, to prepare yourself.

Shawn comes running off stage, breathing heavily. He tosses his guitar to a roadie before he sees the group. He stops, seeing you for the first time since reading your letter. And his eyes instantly look tired. Your heart lurches for a moment.

“Wow, hey girls, what are you doing here?” His body is turned toward Haylee, but his eyes linger on you. They’re sad, doe eyes, and they make her heart hurt just a little more.

“We are here to party!” Diana hollers, completely out of character for her stoic self, but alcohol has a way of doing that.

Shawn looks at Haylee for a moment, “Okay, well I am sure Connor would love to party with you.”

The girls holler together, and set off in search of the boy. Shawn heeds a warning at Haylee, asking her to be safe. She responds in kind, and they’re off. You follow at the back of the group, before you hear him turn towards you.

“Really?” He chokes, “What? You’re just going to write me a letter and just never going to speak to me again. That’s the plan here?”

You turn to look at him, “Yes, because I care about you. And that’s the problem.”

Shawn scoffs, “Well, I’m calling bullshit. You convinced me to stay touring. You told me not to give up. You said you’d always be here. You said that! You said those things!” Shawn’s voice rose, “And now you’re just going to abandon me!? Just like that? That’s bullshit!”

“I want to give things with Nick a shot, a real shot. I can’t go around flying across the country to see a show for you or having late night phone calls when you can’t fall asleep on the bus. I can’t do those things and still give Nick what he deserves.” Your words are true, but with every word, you feel like your delivering a fresh stab to your heart. “You know this is going to hurt me too,” your voice cracks, “it’s going to kill me not to see you.”

Shawn took an unstable step towards, you wanted to reach out and grab his hand. You knew you couldn’t do that. “Then why are you doing it?” Shawn questioned, completely broken and vulnerable. “Is Nick that much more important to you?” He waits for a moment, but you stutter, unable to answer him. “Are your feelings for him stronger?”

You gasp, turning on your heel to walk away from him.

“Look, I get it!” Shawn calls after you. “I get it, you’re scared. You’re scared of us, what we were, what we could actually be. What we still are, so now you’re making the safe choice. Comfortable life with a business man who loves you, over the unpredictable life of a rockstar who’s all over the place.”

You turn back, stomping towards Shawn, “You know what, you don’t know anything about Nick! You don’t know about our life together.” You let out a choked cry, “Don’t tell me how I feel, Shawn! I know this is hard to accept, but what we had, while great, was just for a season. We were a moment in time, Shawn,” it kills you to see the way his eyes are getting glossy, but you forge onward, determined. “And our moment is gone,” you whisper. “It was amazing. And I will cherish it, the memories, and you. But the time has passed.”

Shawn took another step towards you, now only feet apart. And despite all the chaos around you, of roadies tearing down the stage, you’re locked in with Shawn, you always are. “So then just say it. Say you love Nick more than you love me.”

“Is that what you need to hear? You need me to say it?”

Shawn nodded.

“Fine,” you choke out, your voice wavering for only a moment. “I love Nick more.”

Despite his tears, he smiles, “Oh, honey, you forget that I know you. I know when you’re lying, especially when it’s to yourself.” He paused for a moment, searching your eyes. You stopped breathing for a moment because when Shawn looks at you like that, you feel naked, exposed. It was chilling. Eventually he blinked, chuckled lightly before delivering his closing line, “You wrote a letter to the wrong guy.”

——

You wrote a letter to the wrong guy.

Why was loving Shawn so hard? And yet, so terrifyingly easy? What made it impossible to move on? Even when you had the most picture perfect man, waiting for you to come home to him. One that wanted to marry you, have a life with you. A normal life...a safe life. What was so wrong with wanting a safe love? You loved Nick, so why does your heart and mind continually pull you back into Shawn’s atmosphere.

Dear Nick,

Maybe writing a new letter could help you think.

——

Shawn knew he hadn’t seen the last of her. She could deny it, she could try to move on, move away. But Shawn knew her. And he knew their love. It was everlasting, and their conversation the other night, was enough to tell him. She wasn’t over it. Not even close. Her heart was tugging her just as much in his direction as it was in Nick’s. But what Shawn had going for him was time, honesty, and a passionate love that he knew she’d never have with anyone else. Shawn was the only one to stick by her through thick and thin over the past three years, and he knew that counted for something. Maybe even everything.

——

“This was supposed to be good for me. This article was supposed to be everything I’d ever dreamed up, but this sucks. This just keeps happening,” Shawn threw his hands up, utterly lost. “I can’t be in your life, you can’t be in my life.”

“Not yet,” You whisper.

“Well when!”

Shawn waits for a moment but you can’t answer him. You have no answer for him.

“Hmmm?” He asks again, but you still don’t respond. He shrugs his shoulders, “I can’t do this anymore.

“Shawn,” you finally speak up.

He simply shook his head, “I’m done.”

That had been the first time.

——

“I’m sorry, Shawn. I’m so sorry. I want to make it right. I messed up, please, Shawn. You have to forgive me.”

“I didn’t care about the distance. I didn’t care about not going to sleep every night next to you. I didn’t care about you job having you all over the place just as much as mine does, and us never seeing each other. I didn’t care about you wanting to keep everything a secret, when it fucking killed me inside. I didn’t care about any of it. I chose you. Over all of the crazy chaos. I chose you. I made that choice. Even when you told me you didn’t want to have kids, and I knew I did. I still chose you. I wore my goddamn heart on my sleeve. I loved you with everything inside of me. What more could I possibly have done?”

You would have expected him to yell maybe, get angry, furious even after what you’d done, but Shawn wasn’t doing any of those things. No, what Shawn was doing was so much worse. He was giving up on you.

“I love you, but you’re a liar. And whether you realize it or not, your lies are hurting everyone around you.”

——

“Shawn, one day you’re going to meet the love of your life. And she’s going to sweep you off your feet. And there will never be anyone for you but her.”

“Haylee, what if I already met her.”

“Then nothing will keep the two of you apart.”

——

“What’s keeping me here? I could be anywhere in the world. I could be writing music in fucking Jamaica like Harry Styles. Or backpacking Asia like Niall did. Why do I keep coming back here?”

“You’ve got family here. All your friends. Haylee, Dee… you’ve got me.”

“No,” Shawn choked, “I don’t...have… you. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

——

“I can’t give you the life you want, Shawn.”

“No,” he gripped your neck just a little tighter, but his kiss was so gentle, full of incomprehensible emotions. “The life I want. It’s any life with you.”

——

The way Shawn saw it, he had two courses of action. Do nothing, letting her leave. Or fight for her, again. One option left him without her, certainly. The other option...provided possibility.

So he’d fight for her, again. He didn’t care if he’d done it before. He’d do it however many times he had to. If she was scared, then he was determined to make her feel safe. With him.

Andrew wasn’t fond of the idea, because it required a massive hit to Shawn Mendes brand. In order to really win her back, he’d have to do something drastic. He’d have to give up everything for her, but he was willing. So Shawn left his tour behind, cancelling the last leg. He’d come back eventually, he promised that much. His fans were upset, understandably, but there wouldn’t be much left for Shawn to give them, if he couldn’t fix this. The music only happened because of her after all. She kept him sane.

So he hopped on a plane back home and prepared to see her again.

——

There was a knock on your door, which was strange for so late in the evening. Weary, you padded over to the front door, opening it slowly. As Shawn came into vision, your entire body froze.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, not even having fully opened the front door.

“I wrote you a letter, but it’s not a Dear John letter. I know that’s what yours was.” Shawn swung his backpack around and frantically fumbled around his pockets until he held out a piece of folded paper. “Mine is more of a Noah from the Notebook kind of letter.”

You body was shaking, you realized, as you reached out to take the letter from Shawn’s hand. You took a step away from your door, leaving it open to allow him in. Your throat is tight, and you’re not really sure if you’ve been breathing.

To the Love of my Life,

Did you know that’s what you are? Did you know that there’s no one else for me? That I’m hopelessly, irrevocably, forever in love with you. There is no one else for me. Not one day do I wake up wanting anyone beside me but you. My life changed the day I met you in the bar, and I knew it in that moment. It might sound cheesy, but shouldn’t everything in a love letter sound so? I’ve written countless songs for you, many you’ve heard over the years, most you never will. I’m well aware I write way to many songs about you, but I can’t help what comes out. My heart aches at the thought of not seeing you, not talking to you, not holding your hand, not kissing you, brushing your hair out of your face in the wind, taking you to see the wonders of the world, doing even the most mundane things with you. My heart aches thinking of a life without you. And I won’t sit back and let you take that from me. I won’t let you take my happiness, not without a fight. The fight of my fucking life, if I have to. Kicking and screaming and tantrums and all. I’ll do it all if it means you’d consider it. I know he’s safe. I know he’s kind to you. I’m sure he loves you too, why wouldn’t he? He’s a good man, if you’re willing to love him. But, darling, it can’t be anything like what we have. Your eyes tell me everything that your lips refuse to say. So if it’s safety you need, then I’ll give it to you. I’d give up everything for you, if you asked me to. I canceled the rest of my tour, just to be here for you. To show you how serious I am about this. About you. I’m not kidding around here. I’m not making jokes. This is our life. Our future. And I want it. Suburb house, picket fence, and seventeen dogs or cats or whatever you want. I just want it all with you. You wrote me a letter saying goodbye because it was easier than fighting. Remember, I know you. I know you love me, just like I love you. So I need you to tell me how I can make this right, because it’s the only thing on my mind. The only thing I care about. Nothing else matters if you’re not in my life. Fame, money, performing, it means absolutely nothing if I can’t share it with you. Let me give you everything you could ever desire. Let yourself be loved by me. Give me a chance to prove it’s not temporary, but that it’s forever. I chose you, please choose me too. Every day is a new day that I fall in love with you.

Love Always,

Shawn

You’re left utterly speechless. You feel your heart almost physically shatter into pieces, your stomach drops, your mouth goes dry. It’s lovely and romantic and stunning...and so, so confusing. Your mind reels, thinking somehow simultaneously of the most amazing moments of your life, and yet somehow the most painful times as well. There were so many things to unpack. He left tour? There still had to be at least a month’s worth of shows left. Why would he do that? How could he do that? And he did that for you?

“Shawn,” it’s the breath of a whisper, barely a spoken word between you.

“Please, let me show you how much I love you,” Shawn desperately grasped your arms, your hands shaking with the letter still tight in your grip. “I need you,” he whispered.

With tears slowly trickling down your cheeks, you look up at Shawn, the man who is undeniably also the love of your life. Your heart is broken, not because you don’t want him, but because you don’t think you can have him.

“I’ll stay, when it’s hard, when we make mistakes, through thick and thin. I want to be beside you for every moment. Please tell me you understand what I’m saying.”

“It was never a matter of misunderstanding, Shawn…”

“What do I have to do to show you?”

“Shawn,” you stopped him before he could finish, “Nick, he...he asked me to marry him.”

The color drained from Shawn’s face right before your eyes, and your heart lurched once again. Gone were the doe eyes and rosy cheeks, eager to hear your declaration of love. His eyes were dead, and you couldn’t read his expression at all.

“I, well, I mean,” you stuttered for a moment. Shawn’s hands dropped from your arms, and he stumbled backwards a step, “I didn’t say yes, I mean, I told him I needed time to think.”

“About what?” Shawn’s voice was ice cold, but you thought maybe you saw a glimmer of hope in his beautiful eyes.

“You told me I wrote a letter to the wrong guy, and I think you might be right.”

Shawn’s swallowed hard, “I’m going to tell you one thing, and I really need you to listen to me.”

You nodded, unsure of what was to come, yet somehow mesmerized.

Shawn took a deep breath, drawing closer to you once again. His eyes remained closed for a beat, gaining composure or confidence, maybe. When he opened his eyes, he peered at you, searching for an answer of sorts. His hand slowly came to rest gently at the nape of your neck. His thumb brushed your chin slowly, once, twice. You closed your eyes for a moment, remembering what this felt like. The familiarity of it all, of Shawn’s touch and presence, aching to come back home. Your lips tremble for a moment, and you finally allow yourself to look at him.

“Honey,” His voice is slow, sweet, like honey. “You know me. And I know you. It’s both beautiful and completely terrifying.” You let out a wet laugh that sounds more like a sob. You’re not entirely sure when you started crying so much. “We may not have always been honest with each other to begin with, but we both had our moments and learned from them. In the end, I was completely honest with you. With my feelings. My intentions. What I want. From this, from you, from our life. I won’t pretend to know Nick or what you did together, but I know us. And I know you. You’re not one to make decisions on a whim, even with a grand romantic gesture.” You nodded, knowing he was right. “If you think about your life and you future, and you see yourself happiest with him, I will accept that. But if you have any doubt about me because of where we left things, you need to tell me. I’ll be honest with you. I want nothing more than to be with you, so if something is holding you back, scaring you. Just tell me so that I can make it right.”

Shawn’s hand trailed from your neck, down your shoulder and arm, until his fingers came to wrap around yours where you still held his letter. He guided your hands to fold the letter.

“Think about it. You know where to find me, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Shawn leans forward to press a gentle kiss to your forehead before turning and leaving you alone with your thoughts.

——

Two days alone with your thoughts. You’d spent most of it in bed. Nick had come home from his business trip yesterday, but you were ignoring him, along with the rest of the world. You’d considered making a pro and con list at one point, but laughed at the idea because you already knew what you wanted. Known it from the start. You were just scared of it, of that life. Your fear of abandonment crept up often, reminding you that you’d never survive being left alone.

Give me a chance to prove it’s not temporary, but that it’s forever.

Were words enough to convince you? As if Shawn had only ever given empty promises. You mentally rolled your eyes at your own theatrics. Shawn had time and time again stayed by your side. Even through the break up, the second one that you chose by the way. And even through your relationship with Nick. Even through Shawn’s most recent relationship, though it hadn’t lasted long. None of it ever mattered because somehow you’d still managed to stay friends. And not those friends who just say they’re friends, but never see each other or speak. But real, proper, friends. Shawn was still the most reliable person in your life. And he had been since day one, three years ago. So the fact that you were even scared was stupid and unfounded.

Why wouldn’t you just allow yourself to be happy? You just wanted to be happy, and you were so tired of holding yourself back. It was exhausting. But you knew what you had to do. You had to finish writing your last letter. And this one, would be the last one.

Nick was a wonderful, sensible, kind man. He’d find his true love one day, but it wouldn't be with you. He’d find his passionate, knock you off your feet, kind of love with an amazing girl who felt the same way about him as well. That’s what he deserved. And that’s something you couldn’t give him. Living a life of safety was one thing, but holding someone else back because of your own fears was not something you wanted to add to your list of wrongdoings in life.

So you met with Nick and explained yourself. Apologies would never fix it, but you could do your best to try and mend the wound. You knew he’d be alright though. He’d heal and move forward with life. He was strong enough for that.

You last stop of the night, and it was your final letter.

The elevator door opened as you found yourself in a high level condo, front and center, it was Shawn’s home. You knocked, not sure if you were really ready for what was about to happen. But there was simply no going back now, and you were so tired of dangling true happiness over your own head as if it was somehow unattainable, when really it had been right in front of you the whole time.

Somehow, you felt like you were simply coming back home.

There’s a turn of the handle, and you take your final breath before the rest of your life changes. Shawn opens the door, coming to find you waiting on the other side. He looked hesitant at first, unsure if this is a good or a bad visit. He steps to the side and gestures for you to come inside.

As you step into his home, you breathe in the scent of him everywhere. It’s both overwhelming and instantly calming. You take a moment to look at each other before you remember what you came here for in the first place.

Reaching into the pocket of your black leather jacket, you put out a thin piece of paper. “I have something for you.” You hand the letter to Shawn, who accepts. He doesn’t immediately open it, he just stared at you. He still hadn’t said anything to you, which was unnerving.

Finally, he unfolds the letter to find the contents to be much different than expected. Not a long letter proclaiming love, but also not yet another long letter bidding farewell. Instead, a short couple sentences, only containing eleven words.

You were right. I wrote a letter to the wrong guy.

Shawn looked up at you with the most sincere expression, eyes watering and bulging. His cheeks rosy pink, and his neck tense in anticipation. “You’re sure?” He whispers, scared that you may go back on your words.

But you’re not going back. This is it for you. This is the final step. This is the completion of a long story with Shawn, and the start of a whole new sequel. The rest of your life. It starts tonight. Not because you’d found your dream man. Not because you were in love. Not even because you were no longer terrified of your future. The rest of your life started now because you finally chose to stop lying to yourself, and you were ready to let yourself be happy. As far as you were concerned, that was reason enough to consider the future exciting.

You take a step closer to Shawn, reaching out for his hand, where he readily meets you halfway. You’re are equally teary eyed because you can’t believe what you’re about to say, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I want to be happy again, Shawn. Can we be happy together?”

Shawn let out a quiet sob before connecting his lips to yours in earnest. His kiss is soft at first, taking his time to allow you to respond. But quickly his hand finds its way to the nape of your neck, and his lips widen just a bit with a smile. He lets out a quiet giggle into your mouth, and you smile. He’s happy. You feel it radiating off his body, and there’s not a feeling quite like it. You take a step back from him, just looking at his teary, happy eyes. The excitement and just pure joy coming out of this boy makes your heart swell. You love him so much, you’ve never loved anyone quite like this.

“I love you so much, Shawn,” Your whisper falls out of your lips.

“I love you too. Thanks for writing me another letter.”

thanks for reading! Let me know if you want to be tagged in my future work! Please leave me feedback if you liked what you read. you can always send me requests too if you want something to be written (don’t promise to fill them all, but i’m always open to ideas). and if you’d like to check out my masterlist or buy me a coffee, both of those links are in my bio!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfic #my writing #youngertv #mine

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ladynuwanda · 4 years

Text

Whatever Souls Are Made Of (Michael LangdonXMallory AU) - Chapter 3

A/N: I know it’s been 84 years, guys... y’know, life happens. I hope someone is still interested in this story... I’m still as excited to tell it as I was all those months ago!! =)

Warnings: Angsty. And, I don’t know, maybe revisiting the previous chapters would be a good idea...

Word Count: 3,4K

Lady Fiona had returned to the Heights in time to celebrate Beltane that year, and it was very unusual for the Supreme to grace the Coven with her presence for one of the Sabbats. Most Covens would count their Supreme as a sort of mother figure to all the other witches, a nurturing and guiding presence. But that was not the case with Lady Fiona. She brought an overwhelming sense of uneasiness with herself. The entire Coven seemed nervous, and even a little jumpy, whenever the Supreme was in the Manor.

But Lady Fiona’s presence wasn’t the only source of uneasiness in that Summer, far from it. Zoe and Madison had always had a complicated relationship, equal parts “sisterly love” and “sibling rivalry”. But one thing was undeniable: the girls were very close. Even though there were times when what seemed to keep them together was mutual hatred, Zoe felt Madison’s absence more than anyone else, when the latter disappeared by late Spring. Most of the other witches were convinced Madison had run away on a whim, probably eloped with her most recent lover, whoever that might be. But Zoe could smell a rat from the start, and she wasn’t going to rest until she found Madison’s whereabouts.

By the time Summer was fully upon the land, the only two people in the Manor who were not sharing the sense of uneasiness, caused both by Lady Fiona’s presence and Madison’s disappearance, were Mallory and Michael. But that’s not the only thing they were oblivious of. The Beltane rites were not just an initiation ritual for the witches, it also gave the Goddess’s Consort full ruling power over the land, as the Sacred King. Which meant Michael’s powers only grew since the Sabbat. Not that any of the two young lovers would care, or even notice. They were simply too distracted by their own feelings, and their newly found physical intimacy, to care about anything but each other. But one person did realise the shift in the power balance that was happening in the Coven, and that person was Lady Meade.

She could tell Michael was becoming more powerful with each passing day, on every training session. Not only his abilities were growing, but the boy seemed more capable of controlling them. He was getting more comfortable in his own skin, owning everything he could be and everything he could do. He was starting to not feel so unworthy of Mallory anymore. He could finally begin to consider himself her equal. And the more intense Lady Mead’s lessons became, more eager he was to learn.

It became clear that something about that Summer was simply not right, when Lady Fiona died unexpectedly and apparently of natural causes. The Supreme had been gravely ill for some time when it happened, but for some reason she had kept it a secret from the entire Coven, including her own daughter. Cordelia was forced to put her own grief aside to take care of the Coven she was now responsible for, since Lady Fiona had died without announcing her successor. Nobody knew who the next Supreme was supposed to be.

Nobody but Michael. He was just surprised that no one else seemed to have noticed something that, to him, felt so obvious. Or the even more obvious connection between the sudden death of the Supreme, and the fact that for the first time in centuries the Coven had been left without proper leadership. But while Cordelia, Myrtle and Misty were busy trying to get the Coven prepared for the trials of the Seven Wonders, that would point them in the direction of the Next Supreme, Zoe Benson seemed lost in her own world, trying to find whatever she could about Madison’s disappearance. It became clear for Michael that what Zoe had been investigating was simply another thread closely entwined on the web of mystery that covered the Manor that Summer.

With Mallory as the intermediary agent, Michael used his own powers to help Zoe find Madison. For everyone’s horror the young witch’s body had been in Spalding’s room all this time, hidden among a most unsettling collection of porcelain dolls. Madison Montgomery’s corpse was grotesquely dressed in a doll’s frock. Her hollowed cheeks, already in stage of decay, were painted in rouge, in a horrendous imitation of life-like blush. Both Michael and Kyle were merciless in carrying their former mentor downstairs to be interrogated by the Coven’s impromptu leading counsil.

It took more than Miss Cordelia’s gentle persuasion to make Spalding confess for all his sins. They had to use the combined magic of Zoe and Mallory, as well as of Michael himself, to loosen the man’s tongue. But in the end, the quivering ruin of a man admitted that he had known about Lady Fiona’s illness, and her dread to be overrun by a younger witch. It has been said, since the dawn of times, that when a new Supreme starts to flower, the old Supreme begins to fade. Fiona saw too much of herself in Madison, she was convinced the girl was to be the Next Supreme. Lady Fiona’s plan was to restore her own strength by getting rid of the threat of replacement, and she had Spalding’s aid to get it done. He had accepted as much for his undying love for the Supreme, as for the promise that Madison’s discarded body would be his to do as he willed.

The Coven stood in petrified horror as Spalding shared his dark tale, but no one was more horrified than Michael. Spalding and Fiona had destroyed Madison’s life for assuming she would be the next Supreme, what would they have done to his sweet Mallory if they knew what he knew? He didn’t assume anything, he knew she was the Next Supreme. Michael felt the cold embrace of the purest fear at the thought of seeing Mallory in Madison’s place, that sent shivers down his spine and all the way to his fingertips. Before he had time to process what he was feeling, his entire body was shaking, but with blind rage. And his enemy was standing right there in that room, held down by Kyle Spencer’s iron-grip, and showing absolutely no remorse.

With one wave of Michael’s hand, Spalding was free from Kyle’s grasp, and thrown across the room, colliding violently against the wall. The strain of using his powers was obvious to anyone who would look at Michael in that moment. But to Mallory the most surprising thing about it was that it seemed a lot less like an effort than it had the last time she had seen it, during the incident with Lady Mead’s dogs. Michael held Spalding against the wall from distance, slowly raising his hand and lifting the man’s feet from the ground.

In her terror, Mallory couldn’t stop asking herself what the contents of Lady Mead’s so-called lessons had been. While with a delicate movement of his index finger, Michael sent Spalding’s body up the wall, hitting the man’s head agains the ceiling with a sickening smashing sound, Mallory was still trying to understand when it was that her sweet lover had become so cold and cruel... and so frighteningly efficient at it.

Michael’s mind, however, was focused on something else. Because, even though Spalding hadn’t said a word after he finished his dark tale concerning the fate of Madison Montgomery, he was speaking loud and clear in thoughts that Michael could hear. Spalding read Michael’s explosion of anger correctly, he knew the boy would stop at nothing to keep his precious Mallory safe. Spalding’s eyes fell on Mallory’s terrified face for a second and Michael felt a shiver down his own spine at the knowing expression in the older man’s features. “So this is the Next Supreme...”, Spalding was thinking turning his attention back to Michael, “... your bonnie lass, of all people!”, the man laughed showing teeth smeared with the blood that had been dripping from his nose, and Michael couldn’t take it anymore. With a flick of his fingers Spalding’s neck snapped broken and his limp, lifeless body fell to the floor.

The Silence the followed was deafening.

“What the Hell are you all staring at?”, it was Lady Mead’s voice what broke it, “somebody has to clean this mess before the ghost of this wretched man appears... you know what to do, son”, she added with a nod to Michael. Still shaking with the aftermath of murder, feeling red hot tears stinging his eyes, Michael took a deep breath to steady himself and snapped his fingers. Spalding’s body was immediately consumed by a strange heatless fire and disappeared. “It’s done.”, Michael said in a low, firm, voice to everyone and no one in particular.

It was Cordelia who had the presence of mind to speak among the chaos. And it was Lady Mead she spoke to, asking the older woman what she was doing in the Manor, and why at that precise moment. Lady Mead calmly replied that Cordelia knew very well why she was there. She had come for the boy. Cordelia spoke to the lady in sharp tones that were most unusual for someone so mild mannered as she was. Cordelia said she would sooner take her own life and put an end to the entire Coven by her own hands, if she was not able to protect Michael from the evil influence of the She-Devil in front of her. “You will vacate the Grange immediately. You will leave the grounds tonight, and in the morning I don’t want to find any trace that you were ever there.”

Michael wanted to confront Cordelia for the way she was treating his mentor, the only person who has ever seen true potential in him, and worked hard to teach him everything she could. But one look into Mallory’s eyes and his protests died in his throat. His Bonnie Lass, as Spalding had referred to her, was livid with terror looking at Michael with her eyes wide in fear and pleading, her tears begged him to tell her that things were not as they seemed, that he was not this devilish creature she had in front of her. Capable of killing with such cold-hearted power and ease, showing no remorse.

For Mallory, more than anything else, to take the look of fear from those beloved eyes, he would not stand up for Lady Mead while she was being cast away from the Grounds. He wanted to put Mallory’s heart at ease when he agreed to wait alone in one of the students’ dormitories, while the impromptu counsil would get together to decide what was to be done next. With the Coven. With the next Supreme. With Kyle as “the new Spalding”. With the crimes that had been committed by those who were no longer alive to answer for them. And with Michael. How does one solve a problem like Michael?

Cordelia made it clear that for reasons that should remain secret, Michael needed to be eliminated. The people involved in the hideous murder of Madison Montgomery were already dead, and Zoe wanted to discuss the possibility of bringing her friend back with the help of Misty Day. But Michael was too powerful and too unpredictable to stay in the Coven. And whatever his grandmother had told Fiona, and Fiona told Cordelia, simply meant it was not safe to let the boy go out in the world, either. Specially not under the care of someone like Lady Mead.

It broke Misty’s heart to think about Mallory and how she would feel when she learned about the Coven’s decision. Misty was the closest witness to the blossoming of their love, and she felt particularly miserable thinking about the star-crossed lovers. Because Misty knew that the true nature of her relationship with Miss Cordelia would be frowned upon in the Coven, since the very notion of the existence of such feelings had been all but prohibited by Lady Fiona. She knew what it was like to love someone everyone around you thinks you shouldn’t. But she couldn’t imagine how Mallory would feel when facing the imminent destruction of her beloved one, and by the hands of her so-called sisters.

Misty excused herself from Zoe, promising the younger witch that they would discuss the plans to bring Madison back on the next day, after the Michael Problem had been solved. She went straight to where she knew Mallory could be found: the old room they shared when Mallory first arrived at the manor, the one where they received Michael’s nightly visits, more often than not. All things combined, made her realise that the most appropriated person to communicate the Council’s decision to Mallory was Misty herself.

Mallory was on the window-sit, looking at the Manor’s grounds and seemed lost in thought. When she looked at Misty there was no hope in those beautiful, wide eyes. But no desperation either. Mallory knew what the sentence was before Misty’d said anything. But she knew there was something more to Cordelia’s decision, something no one would tell Mallory, of course. Misty dealt with the situation the only way she knew how, opening her own arms wide, and offering Mallory some kind of consolation. Mallory’s composed face broke, and she threw herself into Misty’s arms, crying copiously.

“I failed him, Misty... I should have told him what I really thought of Lady Mead and her relationship with him... now he’s lost. He’s lost and it’s all my fault!!”

“You can’t possibly mean that... what he did was atrocious, and he must answer for that.”

“But he did answer! Whatever atrocity he might have done was in answer to their atrocious acts...”

“Those matters should be taken to the Coven, my dear, not dealt with in one’s own hands...”

“So whatever the Coven says, it’s the final word...”

“Don’t you trust you Coven, Mal? Your family? Your sisters?”

“I love the Coven! I love the grounds around the manor, and the air over this building and everything it touches, every life it changes, and every word that is said here...”

“So there you have it! What about your feelings towards Michael?”

“My love for the Coven is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I’m well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Michael resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Misty, I am Michael! He’s always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being. So don’t talk of our separation again: it is impracticable. He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

But Misty knew separation was precisely what fate had in store for Mallory and Michael. Maybe not the abrupt separation of death, but he would have to leave if he wanted to survive. But what could possibly make him leave the Manor, when even the threat of imminent death wasn’t enough to persuade Michael to leave his beloved girl behind. The answer, Misty though, seemed to be the crying girl in front of her. Mallory would have to tell him to leave, but that wouldn’t be enough, he’d want to stay with her for as long as he could. Unless he was convinced she didn’t love him. Mallory would have to lie to Michael. To save him.

Misty shared her plan with Mallory, the young witch understood immediately that it was her only chance to keep Michael alive. She listened with wide-eyed interest, but Misty thought she could almost hear the hollow sound of the girl’s heart breaking. And soon it would be Michael’s. Those two hearts that now were beating as one would be shattered to pieces on the same night. Getting inside the room where Michael was spending the night was the easy part. It wouldn’t take much more than a simple Concilium spell to convince Kyle Spencer to let her in. The part that made Mallory’s blood freeze in her veins came after she had crossed the treshold.

The man she found inside the room was simply her Michael as she’d always known him, not the murderous monster she had expected. He ran to her with a sigh of relief and held her in a loving embrace. That only made everything even more difficult. Mallory wished she could stop time, so that they could hold each other and stay safe together forever. She buried her nose on the curve of his neck and inhaled deeply, the sweet and earthy scent of the man she loved, and it almost ruined her resolve completely. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, but if she didn’t do what she had to, she’d be forced to live in a world where he was not even alive. That thought gave her perspective of the importance of what she was doing there, and the strength to go on.

“Im sorry, I’m so sorry I lost control!”, he whispered urgently in her ear, “I was just so terrified when I thought their next victim could be you”, he added between quick kisses, “I just wanted to protect you, I meant no harm to the Coven, I’m not dangerous... You ought to make them see that!!”, he looked deep into her eyes at that point, holding both her hands in his. Mallory believed him, his words spoke directly to her heart, but she knew it wouldn’t suffice for Miss Cordelia and the Coven. It took every inch of Mallory’s will to keep her own voice steady when she added in an ice-cold tone “It’s too late, Michael”.

She couldn’t stop now, she had to say everything she had agreed to with Misty. She kept telling herself it was the only way to save him, “You don’t belong here, you never have...”, she wanted to fall on her knees and beg him to forget those words, but she kept going, “... all the time you’ve spent training with Lady Mead was proof of that. You should leave with her, tonight. This was never your home”. Michael still tried to reason with her, through the veil of sadness that had fallen between them “The Coven might not have been my home, but you were. You are the only home I know, the only home I’ll ever need! Mallory, I...”.

But she cut him off “you cannot be taking promises made by children seriously...”

“Mallory, we are not children anymore...”, this conversation was making less sense to Michael by the minute.

“I needed your powers”, she had to turn away so he couldn’t see the pain on her face, “I needed you for the sacred rites...”

“We have been together outside the rites!!”, his heartbreak was growing into desperation now, “we have loved each other as man and woman, not just as the Goddess and her Consort...”

“Loved? That is a strong word!”, his own pain kept Michael from seeing how much it cost Mallory to say those words, “I said what I had to say to get you where I needed you... and you believed whatever you wanted to believe.”, part of her wished Michael could see through her lies and make her stop talking, but she knew there was no other way. “But now it’s dangerous for me to be associated with you...”, she gave a short and bitter chuckle, “it was already degrading before, but you had to go and make it worse...”, Mallory could hear Michael’s sobs and all she wanted to do was hold him in her arms and beg for his forgiveness, kiss him and tell him everything was going to be alright again, but she couldn’t, “... which is why you must leave tonight, with Lady Mead.”, she left the room before she’d lose her resolve, and throw herself at his feet and begged him to stay. And Michael would never be able to see, blinded by his own misery, how much her heartbreak and despair mirrored his.

Misty found Mallory later that night, she went back to the bedroom they had shared. Mallory was by the window, silente tears streaming down her face from those beautiful eyes, while she saw the love of her life disappearing into the night. She accepted the comfort of the arms Misty offered her, collapsing against the older witch’s body crying the pain out. “How can I live without my life, Misty? How can I love without my soul?”

Taglist: @blakewaterxx @ccodyfern @consultingsnowqueen @coollangdon @crossdressingpirate @hecohansen31 @kalam22 @kirchnvrs @lathraios @laying-with-the-devil @michael-langdon-appreciation @mvllorylvngdon @mytrash-mylife @no-need-for-rules @queen-of-quotes @rosegoldrichie @sophiegracejreylo @suspirateux @tayfinities @touch-in-the-night @wvntersldr @xavierplympton

#American Horror Story #AHS Apocalypse #Michael Langdon #Mallory #Cody Fern #Billie Lourd #AHS Brontë AU #Wuthering Heights #MCA #Millory #Fanfiction #Whatever Souls Are Made Of

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celawrites · 4 years

Text

Day 23

My typing is interrupted by the banging of my car window. I spare a glance and see Pebble trying to get in. I unlock the car, and she slips in beside me. It’s silent for a bit before she speaks up.

“Can I do you a favor?”

“Depends”

“Am I allowed to crash the confession?”

“No. Z said he’d get footage of everything. Besides, why does it matter?”

“bECAUSE THE WHOLE SCHOOL’S GONNA OWE YOU TWO MONEY?”

“Sounds like a win for me”

“Ok but. She obviously isn’t the person he needs, and at this point, I’m pretty sure he’s no longer interested in her. Why can’t we crash it? He probably won’t even be able to reject her!”

I hum. “He’s not that weak. He knows, and has his boundaries. I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you, you’ll get premature wrinkles from all that forwning.”

“Rude. But really, do you not want to go? Wouldn’t it be better to go and crash it yourself?”

“As much as I enjoy having a little fun once in a while, I don’t exactly plan on being a homewrecker”

“What if he agrees? Then the whole school just calls off the bet? You two are destined for each other! We’ve all confirmed it years ago! Please”

“What’s wrong with taking your sweet time?”

“It’s hell, that’s what.”

“Language, we’re on school grounds”

“Are you not frustrated? You’ve been crushing on him for years! And now you’re just going to let her have him? You’re not that kind of person Crescent. Please” Pebble pulls her hair in exasperation.

“Of course I’m bothered. What can I do about it though? I’m not jeopardizing our friendship over a girl and hormones. If you expect me to do something, then I’ll let you know that I’m staying on the sidelines for this. Madison is an unnecessary interruption to my life and I couldn’t care less about how much she likes Sun” I seeth.

“Ok. Whether or not you want to believe it, she’s not even into Sun. This would essentially be giving away your love to someone who doesn’t deserve him. Do you want him to get hurt? Torn apart, and then abandoned? Madison doesn’t love him! She never will. Because her entire life here was to get all the boys wrapped around her finger so she could feel superior to us. I thought we’d catch a break since she was going to college or something.” Pebble mumbled.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t want it to happen. But there isn’t much I want to do about it. If Madison wants to piss me off then she can go ahead and do it. I mean she was suspended for a reason.” I sip the cold coffee I got at 3am. “If she wants to continue living in her own imagination then she can go ahead. I don’t care. Sun’s also his own person, what am I gonna do? Whisk him away?”

“You could. But you wouldn’t”

“yEp!” I grin. It hurts to see someone else live out your dream. But then again, I’m not invested enough to fight Madison over a classmate I won’t ever see again after this year.

“Let’s get going. The bell rings in 5” I sigh. The two of us get out of the car, and head to the hallways. My mind had been cloudy all day. The look everyone gives me, one of sympathy, one that begs me to do something about it, anything, there are a few smirks though. The little left of Madison’s “clique” or whatever she called them. A hand makes contact with my head and I visibly relax.

“Morning Cress” It’s Sun.

“Morning Mr. ‘next big bf material’”

“You salty 3 year old”

“Did you expect me to be in a good mood?” I grumble.

“Not really. Z said he’d get the rejection on camera. I’ll deliver my point across. I promise” His voice is soft, and in my ever-loving personality to ruin things, I deliver a snarky remark.

“Ew you’re speaking to me as if we’re already dating or something” I gag. “I trust you. I may be a clingy ass admirer of yours but I like you too much to force you into anything”

“Way to ruin the moment.” He rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t dream of getting a girlfriend”

“Aww. Have fun watching her cause a scene. Make sure you don’t get too drunk”

“We’re not even allowed to drink yet?”

“Idk make sure Z doesn’t get to the drinks. I don’t want to be taking care of a drunk Z again.”

“Well then, more the reason to have you suffer” I puff my cheeks. “Where’s Madison? Shouldn’t she be clinging onto you or something?”

“Why? You want her to be around?”

“She’s planning the party right now!” someone screams. I think it might’ve been Opal.

The first bell rings, and everyone’s filing to get to class. My mind wanders insanely today, I hate it. My teachers seem to have known what was going to happen today, so most of them let me off the hook. Except for my English teacher. It’s my last period before homeroom so most of the thoughts have disappeared.

“Miss Crescent”

“Sorry Sir”

“Troubles can be turned into words, and words can be turned into stories. I trust you know that?”

I nod. He had a point, maybe an angst blurb would be a nice treat for my blog followers. My hands get to work and I type away. My teacher smiles and my mind is on a one-track focus. When the bell for homeroom rings, I don’t move. Sun has to drag me to our room while I still type away. Our homeroom teacher is understanding, she lets me type away while we go over anything new. My final sentence to the blurb is finished, and I barely catch my teacher’s words.

“The party later. It will be held at the park” The class looks at her in confusion. Wasn’t it supposed to be at Madison’s house?

“There was a change of plans on her part. She wants to watch you” She points at me. “Get your heart broken when our Valedictorian accepts her confession. Which isn’t happening but I mean it’d be nice to watch right?”

My mind goes blank. Was she that much of a sadist? Our class erupts into a violent argument. Saying things about how she just got back how could she do this. My thoughts go back to being a mess, and I’m crying all over again. They’re silent tears, the ones where you don’t whimper or feel anything, just pure tears, honest ones that you can’t control. I’m not sad, why am I crying? Does this mean more than I thought to me? Would I ever catch a break? Or was this about the angst prompt I just wrote? Am I getting too in character? Am I just reflecting on things in the past? Perhaps I’m we-

A rough hand wipes my tears. One that I recognize. It isn’t the pair of hands that I hang out with daily, it’s an old friend’s. One that feels like hours of sports and roughhousing.

“M-mint” I stutter.

“Shhh. I’m here. Go ahead and let it out” I duck my head lower and start to sniffle. I see Sam panting at the doorway, he must’ve fetched him for me. My class is in confusion, Mint and I never talk or hang out openly. So why is he here? I don’t question anything. My tears aren’t controllable, and only when I pass out from exhaustion do I stop crying.

The class calms down slightly after I drop from exhaustion. Mint doesn’t leave, and ends up helping me note down what needed to be worked on for our school. I’m told that Sun doesn’t leave until he gets dragged to the party by his brother. I was out for a good 3 hours.

It’s nearly 6 when I wake up.

“Sleep well?”

“Thank you. I still wonder why we don’t hang out in school more”

“You said it yourself that Opal would murder you”

“She likes you. I don’t like getting involved with unnecessary drama”

“Yet you ended up having beef with Astra and Madison”

“Both of them were the result of them, not me”

“You’re a strange one”

“You got yourself into this mess when you moved here”

“Wanna head over to my place for dinner? Mom misses you”

“I could never miss out on a chance to see my favorite mother figure”

“Might as well call her mom at this point”

Ping! Z has requested a voice call

“Is it happening?” I can barely contain my excitement.

“yeS YES YES IT ISSS” Z screeches. “But before that. Are you feeling better? I heard you broke down again”

“No worries! I’m good now.” I grin, Mint gives me side glance, one that doesn’t believe me.

“That’s probably a lie but you seem excited so here!”

Sure enough, on the other side is Madison and Sun. The group goes silent, and everyone watches the two in anticipation.

“Uh. I’m sure you know already but.” She twirls her hair in between her fingers. “I like you. Please go out with me!”

I hear everyone hold their breath in anticipation.

“I-I don’t see you in that light” I hear Sun whisper out. “B-but! You have one date. To prove to me that you’ll be the best girlfriend”

Everyone there gawks at the words. I hear Z let out a dumbass, and soon, Madison pulls Sun in for a hug. My throat tightens up and I feel my breathing grow ragged. Z is quick to end the call before he punches his brother and Mint offers to have me stay the night at his home.

“You don’t have to. But it really looks like you need some company”

I nod weakly, and he drives us to his place. The home is empty, and his brother is quick to rush me into a blanket fort. His family had always been mine. Maybe I was selfish to think that we shouldn’t hang out openly at school. Too much had been on my mind lately, I had forgotten to take time and relax.

The rest of the day is quiet at his home. His brother calmed down so that I could get some peace, and his mom promised to talk to me about it the next day. Maybe that was why I found myself ignoring the notifications on my phone when I was almost asleep.

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#angst #THERES ACTUAL ANGST TODAY HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA #A little fluff #fluff #pain #ouch why do I do this to my ocs #my ocs #writing #first person #confessions and heartbreak #365 days #365 days of writing #365 days of rejection #project #quarantine project #time to cRY HAHA

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perish-the-creator · 5 years

Text

The Heat of The Moment

{Rodan x Godzilla} {Warning: intimate encounter} {Refrences to the mating calls will be linked}

Prompt: Rodan has entered heat and proceeds to let it be known. The Monarch employees are beyond perplexed when a certain king comes to answer the call.

Isla de Mara was never the same after the rude awakening that was the titanus Rodan swooping through the sky and rattled the fundamentals of life that had established themselves below his home for the past hundreds or so years. No one could ever shake off the feeling of the damage he had caused, nor were there many who were willing to try and reclaim the land as their own. The former residents, for the most part, had surrendered their keep of the island and fleed to find new homes. It wasn’t uncommon actually now. There were huge masses of refugees escaping being under the horrid blanket of the creatures that could wipe them out without a second thought. But few did remain on the island. Very few. And those that did explained it away via speaking of their bloodline and how their ancestors were the ones to worship him. They did not admit to renouncing the Christian god, but they proposed living under Rodan as if he were a divine being.

Of course, the majority thought those people were crazy but nevertheless bothered trying to persuade them. If they wanted to live with the constant threat of being flattened by the powerful gust produced by the wings of that demon, so be it.

Monarch themselves were worried about the people who dared to stay rooted in the land that belongs to Rodan. But their responses were snickers and chuckles about how the threat was always there, at least this time they could see it coming. And truth be told they had a point. As Monarch began constructing another outpost a few miles away from the island, they noticed how Rodan appeared to be rather docile. As if he understood the threat he lingered over the town. If he flew away he’d make sure his gust isn’t directed towards the people.

After about a year or so, people began to return to the island. At this point, Rodan was more like a big brother. A watchful eye that only reacts if one were to screw up. So for a while, life resumed. Things began to go back to how they used to be just with the added firebird in mind. Until Rodan began acting weirdly.

It started with his calls. They were loud yet rhythmic as if he were singing a song. The noise had startled many of the residents on the island, some grabbing their emergency escape bags and ready to run for it. But they were relieved to see that noises were all he was doing. He’d stand at the edge of the volcanic mouth and let out a deep chirp. Bobbing his head up and down a little bit and shuffling. The display only lasted about ten minutes but it was enough to get the scientist at his outpost to contact those who had some experience with this guy.

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Mark was a bit hesitant to return to this place again. So many places created so many scars in his mind. He was also extremely worried about bringing Madison back too. The two of them, while still struggling, were attempting to repair the broken bond. And it didn’t help that both had developed a bit of PTSD. Madison gained a nasty fear of thunderstorms and had break downs when lightning flashed. Mark remembers many nights of having to sit on the floor with her as she covered her ears and cried for it to go away. No one likes seeing their kid like this.

But at the same time, she wanted to be here. As far as she’s concerned she held no previous ties to the fire demon. She had failed to bear witness to whatever carnage he had created. That’s why she doesn’t shiver at videos or photos of him compared to…

“So,” Stanton began, having been another individual who had been requested to come back. “Got any idea as to what the hell he’s up to?”

They all look at the monitor, watching as he strutted around his volcano, bobbing his head back and forth while screeching. Mark stared curiously. Rodan was a tricky guy to try and figure out. A rebel. A wild card with unpredictable motives.

“We thought it was due to our drones,” A female scientist spoke. “But after we stopped using them he still kept doing…well…this.”

Rodan circled around some more, squawking and rocking side to side. Madison couldn’t help much laugh a little. Her father noticed.

“What’s funny?”

“Heh, it’s just, he’s like the birds in the videos. Dancing around and whatnot.”It was kinda cute if she were honest. It was just hilarious to see a creature that is so complicated and revered acting like this.

“Ah,’ Stanton said with a bit of surprise. “Come look at these stats man.” They all huddle over to him, getting the best view possible. Stanton chuckled a little bit.

“So I played back a few of the sounds and this new system compared it to other sounds in our database. Apparently, it’s-”

“A mating call.” Mark finished, feeling his face flush a bit. There were already enough of these big fellows as is, so of course, it made his heart jump at the thought that this beast is attempting to procreate.

“So who’s he putting it on for? Last I checked there aren’t many fire turkey chicks.” Stanton responded in a jokey fashion as an attempt to lighten the mood. Of course, anyone would be up in arms if they found out a bloodthirsty volcano chicken wanted to make more baby volcano chickens.

Just them the monitors pick up another presence. A deep rumble that returned the calls of Rodan from the depths. A brief thought passes them their brains of who it might be, but they try to dismiss the possibility. There was no way HE was going to answer the call, right? Why choose an individual who sided with your enemy and wounded their symbiotic partner?

Apparently, titans didn’t use that logic and everyone in the outpost were more than shocked to find out that indeed the king of the monsters was making moves on the fire demon.

“Well…wasn’t expecting that.” Mark speaking what everyone was thinking. They watched with their breaths held.

Godzilla rose from the water, making his presence known by letting out his iconic roar. Certainly, the people of Isla de Mara very terrified. Was a fight about to break out? Were their homes they had spent months rebuilding about to be destroyed again? Will some of them die? However, worry died down when they noticed neither titan appeared threatened by each other. They just sort of stared, er Godzilla did, Rodan tilted his head side to side and chirped again and again.

“Is that a taunt?” A random intern asked. Another punched his arm, telling him how less than ten minutes ago it was said that this was a mating call.

“I guess we should just sit back and enjoy the show, huh?” Stanton once again playfully asked.

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Rodan rotated his head side to side, never really taking his eyes off of the king. He had entered the dreadful heat and was desperate for anyone to come and end it. He was a bit overwhelmed that the alpha himself would answer his call. But that didn’t mean he had to accept him if the king failed to impress him.

He knew Godzilla wasn’t like him and he was a bit nervous as to whether or not the king would even understand his gestures. A plausible conclusion was that Godzilla mistook his call as an intimidation threat and Rodan wanted to fight. But at the moment Godzilla had not attempted to assault him. Maybe he understood?

Rodan was then astounded when Godzilla started to mimic his head turns and giving mock chirps. Okay, so he did understand! Rodan continued on with his display. He opened his wings and flapped them, jumping slightly in the air and squawking. He did this about five times, each noise louder than the last. Godzilla’s head followed the motions of Rodan, clearly very interested and locked in.

The king gave a reply via gruffs and wiggling his head. As Rodan had done in the beginning, this act establishes that he’s considering mating with him. It’s not a yes but defiantly not a no. The fire demon chirped, happy that he is considered. Now, he can do his final act that’ll hopefully seal the deal.

Rodan begins his dance, chirping and rocking side the side. It was as if he were going along to some unheard melody. He was determined and in his element, striving to impress the king. It was instinct after all, and instinct was a means of self-preservation and enhancement.

Godzilla watched with attentive eyes. The dance was working. He was pulled in. His head bobbed too, once again mimicking his potential mate to communicate that he wanted the other. It was a pleasure to watch. Godzilla hadn’t had a proper courting ritual in millions of years since the extinction. Even then, because of his small stature at the time he’s never had a successful one. So it was more than wonderful that this was working out.

Rodan concluded, turning his head side to side again. A loud squawk once more left his beak, but the direction was for Godzilla. He could want Rodan all he wanted but if his display wasn’t up to pare then Rodan had the right to decline him.

Godzilla snorted through his nose and gruffed three times before sinking into the water a bit. That’s when he began his mating call. His head stayed above water, raised slightly up towards the firebird. A deep rumble emits from him and his back submerges for a mere second. Large bubbles fizz around his sides as he rumbles again and repeats the process. He repeated making the earth rattling rumble towards his courting partner, trying his hardest to impress the other. The smell of his desperate arousal drove Godzilla crazy. Titans in heat were rare, and titans who wanted to mate while in said heat were rarer. Especially from a different species. Perhaps the term miracle could be thrown around at this point because this might be Godzilla’s only chance to have a partner who will be sexually active with him.

He momentarily stops his call and opens his mouth, letting out loud gruff reminiscent of a lion. The objective was to make sure Rodan was still paying attention. And Rodan responded, chirping in a low mimick of his gruff, of course not as heavy.

Godzilla spent another minute or so alternating between the two sounds until he saw that Rodan was satisfied. The fire demon waddled down the mountain like a cockatiel, very playful and adorable by both human and titan standards. Godzilla emerged from the water and stepped himself onto the beach, snorting again as if asking if Rodan accepted him.

And Rodan did.

Rodan chirped and Godzilla mimicked it. Then Godzilla gave a low rumble and Rodan replicated. Indeed, they were now a mated pair. Godzilla leaned down and nuzzled his snout against the rough beak of his new partner, both throat emitting vibrations of contempt.

Rodan then nipped at Godzilla’s neck before lightly knocking his foot against the region in which Godzilla’s genitals would come from. Godzilla huffed, licking the top of Rodan’s head. The smell was unbearable, and it took everything in the king to not mount the bird roughly whether or not the other wanted it. But he understood that if he forced himself he’d risk never being able to mate again, and that was something he couldn’t lose.

Rodan chirped again before turning around and presenting himself. Like most birds, he possessed a cloaca, making it hard for the unknowable to know his gender. But then again, his kind didn’t follow the linear rules the small humans had on the subject.

Godzilla was more than happy to allow himself to be exposed, gently rubbing his length against Rodan’s tail instead. It was to not only impress his mate but also warn him of the coming mass that would soon enter his body. The king gruff again, the noise vibrating in his throat for a moment. Rodan gave a whimper, an act of submission that let the king know he could enter.

With that, Godzilla snorted and pressed himself inside, both creatures wailing out.

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“OOOH KAY!!” Mark shouted out as he quickly covered up Madison’s eyes. Some of the newer interns began to laugh some, one even falling to the floor holding his sides.

“Oof, well, at least we know the courting works.” Stanton chuckles. “Wonder if that technique works on humans haha!”

“Poor guy,” A woman winces. “Looked a bit big for him.” Another scientist smirks.

“Poor people on the island. Imagine having to explain to your kid why two big monsters are on each other like that. Oof, if it’s loud from here just think about how ear-piercing it is for those guys.”

Madison argued with her father as he proceeded to walk her out the observation room with his hands over her eyes. Apparently, seeing multitudes of people dying, nearly facing death yourself, and even being considered a member of a very important research agency means nothing when it comes to observing the mating patterns of titans.

Oh well, the file will be stored away with the rest of their courting footage. She’ll just have to watch it behind her father’s back.

#rodan #godzilla #godzilla kotm #godzilla king of the monsters #rodan x godzilla #godzilla x rodan #rodzilla

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