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yellosnacc · 8 months

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Been keeping this away for long since its a very out of context specific stuff.

These are the Heads - the mostly spiritual leader of the central Foru micro-state collective. Their role is to be a guide for all the leaders (archs) in central Foru and speak for all of them on an international level. They also bless lands and people and generally are well-liked by them. They can make big decisions, but it's ultimately on the archs if they comply (but the pressure is strong).

Every head has a more specialized role, each representing a 'sense' of their one shared soul (hearing, seeing, touch, thought...) and people they are patrons to (the old, the "rich", the leaders, the priests...). Each central Foru micro-state usually has its favorite head that they want to see the most in their community when bringing them news or blessings.

here are closeups

The Heads are the center of a religion practiced in the region. In short - the Heads share one spirit that in ancient times belonged to a priest who misused their power to get to the spirit world and instead became forever stuck in the material world. After many reincarnations, the priest became a wise leader who learned to speak with the spirit world and make final peace between the worlds of spirits and the material.

I would need to go into more religion details to go over that but that can be a separate post. Let's talk about how they get their role.

A 'competition' is held to determine the best leader, most spiritually attuned, most well-thinking, and best-presenting individual. The Heads in position at the time with a few other high-ranking individuals will judge the participants and then make their pick at the choosing ceremony. Luckily there are not too many to choose from, there are many requirements to participate.

However, the one picked isn't one that will become a head, they would be far too old at the time. Instead, they will force their system to make a rare phenomenon happen. This means making more of themselves with cloning (having babies grow out of diploid cells with no need for another person). This is usually achieved when under high amounts of stress and loneliness.

The uniima egg naturally holds 4 larvae but usually only 1-2 develop fully while the rest becomes food for the surviving ones. This clone egg has 4 identical whites (pre-babies) in them that get special care to ensure at least 3 survive. There have been heads with one member before and with 2 and 3, but 4 is a miracle as the bottom corner larva almost never develops enough to hatch. This egg is very lucky.

The identical quadruplets are given to be raised in different environments. These environments will decide what they represent as adults. It will also give them better perspectives of the world, making it easier/more difficult to make big decisions when the time comes.

Additionally, because there are 4 heads this time, a new environment had to be introduced. This environment was that of small communities, minorities, and generally people living in poorer conditions (yes, for the past Heads, war was more important than their people suffering (it's a very central Foru thing)). Unfortunately for The Ear, they are not respected everywhere, and many people assume them to be a fake among their siblings.

You can also see the heads have each their own signature and each Head generation has their own symbol that is recognized outside their writing systems.

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allhalesterekstilinski · 10 months

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I do like complaining about t*en w*lf, it’s a hobby honestly. I’ve been thinking a lot about the parents lately, so I decided to give my brutally honest opinions about each of them. In case you don’t want to read all of my opinions, TLDR I don’t like most of the parents.

If you do want to hear my reasonings, I’ll put it under the cut because there is a lot of negativity.

These are my opinions and I’m explaining why I feel the way I do. You are by no means obligated to agree with me, and I’m not saying your opinions are wrong, all I ask is you are respectful.

This is my interpretation of the characters and their actions (as parents, not every single decision they’ve ever made). My interpretation may be influenced by my own experiences. If you disagree, I welcome you make your own post. If you really hate what I have to say, block me.

I do try to look at good and bad parenting decisions from each parent, but depending on what the act itself is, some hold more weight than others, as well as the number of good vs bad.

Let’s start with the dads

Noah Stilinski

Good

Said he would burn the sheriff’s station to the ground to protect Stiles

Was frantically looking for him when he went missing (on multiple occasions)

Pointed a gun at Chris when he thought he was going to shoot “Stiles”

Tried to help him get out of the train station

Stopped drinking (this is twofold, it was good for Stiles and for himself)

Bad

In regards to the first point, he followed it up with ‘a good way to forgive yourself is to forgive someone else.’ He made it all about Scott. I know he wasn’t aware of what Scott said, but Scott doesn’t need to be forgiven

“I don’t want to feel worse by yelling at my son” this sounds to me like he blames Stiles for getting fired. He shouldn’t have been fired, but he also shouldn’t be blaming Stiles

Stiles comes to him with XYZ and Noah doesn’t believe him. Scott comes to him with XYZ and he believes him. Not cool to believe someone else over your own kid, especially when they said the same thing. This happens multiple times

Edit to add: He basically calls Stiles a liar and never apologizes for it

Noah agreed to let Stiles to go Eichen. Even if he tried to back out later, he still let him go through with it

This one seems more minor, but not telling your kid who you’re going on a date with. Kinda awkward that it’s his crush’s mom

He leaves Stiles with Claudia. He thinks his job is more important than to support his son and his dying wife. He also did this knowing that Claudia assaulted Stiles. That’s not a great way to say you care about your kid (Noah, not Claudia, her too though)

“Thank you, son I should have had.” This is not funny. I don’t give a fuck what Stiles said before this. That’s not funny. You don’t joke about wanting someone else to be your kid. My dad made it very obvious he loved my step-brothers more than me and that shit is painful. (Additionally I’m sick of seeing “if you think that’s bad parenting, you had good parents.” I think that’s bad parenting and I had a shitty parent. There are real people in real life whose parents don’t like them and wish to trade them for a different kid. I think this is one of the most hurtful things spoken in the show)

He doesn’t know where Stiles is (in "Fury”) when the gun goes off and he calls out for Scott first. Before Stiles. He cares more about Scott’s than Stiles’s well-being. Even if he did know where Stiles was, you call out for your kid first to make sure they’re okay

Yelling “I’m the dad, you’re the son!” Obviously Stiles does not feel like a child in this relationship. He’s too busy being an adult

Additional note: I have no problem with Noah acting like a father figure to those who don’t have dads or good dads, but he should really focus on being a good dad to his own kid first. So far he’s not doing a bang up job.

Chris Argent

Good

Allowed her to take mental health days come season 3

Bad

Told Allison she was responsible for the deaths of everyone if she didn’t tell him who the kanima was. Even if that was true, saying that to your kid’s face and showing them a corpse killed by the kanima is not a good move

Kidnapped his daughter, probably traumatizing her, and implied he would be forced to kill her if she were to change into a werewolf (the last part screams conditional love. And don’t come at me with “that was season 2, he changed later.” No, he didn’t. Chris is not an ally to werewolves, only Scott, and I will fight you)

Emotionally manipulated her into not seeing Scott again by threatening to kill him. (He’s also a hypocrite because in season 1 Kate also held a gun to Scott’s head and he said that wasn’t okay. Doesn’t matter if he wasn’t going to shoot Scott, unlike his sister, threatening it is bad enough)

Allison tells Scott not to laugh when she talks about archery, she also tells Jackson not to laugh before she confides something in him. This sounds like Chris and Victoria blow her off. She still has a box of art she produced from over her life claiming all of it was terrible. It sounds like Chris and Victoria said that to her. If she really truly hated it, she probably wouldn’t keep it. At least not in her room, maybe in storage, but at the moment it’s sitting there as a reminder she’s not good enough

Hid a lot of information from her (the truth about Victoria, the hunter thing – if she was meant to carry on the job, he waited an awful long time to get her into it, but whatever. The fact that he knew about the telluric currents and Gerard being alive)

This is the big one. This is it for me. She told him she loves him and HE DOESN’T SAY IT BACK!!!!

You tell your kid you love them, especially if they say it first. He kissed her head and fucking walked away. I don’t care what your familial love language is, if you can’t tell a person that you either helped make and/or raised or whatever that you love them, don’t be a parent. That shit hurts

He didn’t go to her when she died. She died in Scott’s arms. Chris stood there and watched. Maybe he was in shock, but that doesn’t sound like very good CoMpArTmEnTaLiZiNg. That would have been a good time to say you love your kid, but no. (If you believe the unreliable narrator theory, I certainly do, maybe he did go to her, but this isn’t what we saw in the episode.)

Peter Hale

Good

Wanted to connect with his child when he found out he had one

Was willing to do a big favor for Lydia just to get the name of his child (which was a big deal to him)

Spent thousands of dollars (and we all know how stingy Peter is) to get information on her

Was willing to get burned alive again to see his daughter (6.05)

Used himself as a distraction for the Ghost Riders to save Malia. Twice (the first time was when they were in the tunnels, and then fought them again in the library)

Similarly Peter, who just got done saying he wasn’t sure how Malia could be his daughter since she lacks self-preservation instincts, is willing to potentially sacrifice himself and tells her to run

Her calling him “Dad” snapped him out of the trance

The Anuk-ite used her voice against him, meaning his greatest fear was something happening to her

Bad

Wanted Malia to kill Kate (why? He could do it. Actually, Chris should have done it but he doesn’t have the balls)

Additional notes: The show implies Peter helped out Malia during the brown out in season 5 (through a flashback in season 6), but I never understood what the significance was, so I’m ignoring that until someone can explain it to me.

Ken Yukimura

Good

Was willing to sell out Noshiko, in a way, to help Kira (“Are you sure about that?”)

Was willing to go to prison for Kira when she was (knowingly) wrongly accused of murder

Bad

Didn’t tell her about her kitsune powers until they started to manifest

Didn’t tell her they were planning to go back to New York

Dr. David Geyer

Good

Supportive of Liam and helped him work through his anger

Doesn’t blame him for getting assaulted by Scott (”Are you mad at me?” “No, of course not.”)

Clearly cares about Liam, and his friends

Additional notes: We don’t get to see him enough. I’m mad about it.

Rafael McCall

Good

Tells Scott it’s safer for him to get out of town than stay when Monroe has her army

Bad

Pushed his kid down the stairs. Doesn’t matter if he was drunk or not

Didn’t really apologize to Scott for this incident, instead he pushed the blame to Melissa

Said he would come back soon and then didn’t

Not to mention he doesn’t seem to pay child support since Melissa is struggling and he offers to have dinner with Scott so Melissa can work more shifts instead of just giving her money. But I digress

Proceeded to not spend time with Scott. No phone calls or emails were mentioned (but I guess that doesn’t necessarily mean they didn’t exist. Still didn’t spend time with him, though)

Henry Tate

Good

Was gutted when his family died

Thrilled to find out Malia was alive

Bad

Sent her (?) to Eichen to readjust. That is what therapy is for, not a mental institution. (And who gave her the go ahead to go to high school with a third grade education? The fact that she graduated eventually with the academic success of a nine-year-old tells me she’s hella smart. What 9 yo wouldn’t struggle with pre-calc if they skipped all the stuff in between?)

Mr. Lahey

Bad

Abuses Isaac

Mr. Stewart

Good

When a lot of people (Natalie) didn’t believe Tracy had a real condition or problem, he did

Got her help for the problem (the psychiatrist)

Did everything he could to ease her mind (the dreamcatcher, boarding up the skylight)

Mr. Martin

Good

Went to the hospital to see Lydia

Bad

Tells Lydia she needs to choose who she lives with in the divorce

Presumed she had more problems than successes in school

Went to the hospital to see her, though he seemed a little eager to offer her help with a shower, which was creepy to me

Never to be heard from again. He likely abandoned Lydia

Elias Stilinski

Bad

Abusive and openly mocks his son and grandson (not sure how he remembered someone who was taken by the Ghost Riders)

The Moms

Melissa McCall

Good

Supports Scott no matter what

Bad

Except that one week after she found out he was a werewolf. She didn’t apologize for that either. Much like Chris, she did not express her love for her kid during that time even if she was struggling with his identity

(^ Saying forget everything I said before, if you can do something, do it is not an apology)

Her punishments are empty threats or nonexistent. She doesn’t ground him for sneaking out past curfew, does not punish him for assaulting Isaac (that’s not boys will be boys, that’s straight up assault), or stealing money from the Hales (she only demanded he give it back, no punishment ensued), took away his car keys/Stiles but then seemed to drop the punishment when she thought he was acting out because of his father)

^ Also, no Stiles is not a punishment you can follow through on

Instead of trying to have a conversation about the lone condom she found in his room with him, she goes to the MOM of the girl she ASSUMES he’s fucking. She could have been way off

She told the drunk to get out of the house, not the dad to get out of his life. Wrong. If your spouse hurts your kid, get rid of the whole man. Toodaloo motherfucker. Your stuff is in the trash

Instead of telling her son to get out of town for his safety, she tells him to stay. There is an entire army out to kill your child. He’s always going to be followed and hunted, yes, but it just seems irresponsible

I’m positive this is because the writers didn’t think it through that far or they simply forgot, but fact of the matter is it still happened. Melissa let Scott live with the man who pushed him down the stairs. Why? How are you certain it won’t happen again? How are you certain something worse couldn’t happen? I’m not giving up my kid, not for anything, not for any amount of time. If Melissa has primary physical custody, why would she let this happen?

Natalie Martin

Good

Wants Lydia to see a therapist

Electrocutes Tracy to save Lydia

Bad

“Lydia! What did you do to yourself?” sounds judgmental. Perhaps, upon seeing her daughter has cut her hand by punching the mirror, asking what happened would be more appropriate

Lets a strange boy into her house to be alone with Lydia while she’s drugged up and in negligee. Lydia can wear whatever the hell she wants, especially in her own house, but to let some rando into her room is not a good idea. And she left them alone

Says in season 4 she will do whatever she can to help and then turns around and absolutely does nothing (though this may be less of a parenting thing and more of a terrible person thing)

Sends her to Eichen House for the “best medical care.” Excuse me, ma’am, that is a mental institution, not a medical facility. Also, according to the flashback in Season 5, she saw what happened to Lorraine. I’m not sure if she’s cruel or stupid, but given everything else we know about Natalie, I’m going with both

She doesn’t care when Stiles points out Lydia has a hole in her head. She tries to justify it medically. You remember what happened to your former mother-in-law. Do you believe Lorraine did it to herself?

When Noah tells her what’s going on in Eichen, she waits all day to get Lydia out of there

When Tracy injures Lydia and Lydia tells Natalie to run, she does. She doesn’t risk her own safety to be with her child. She saves herself

Victoria Argent

Bad

“What you want doesn’t matter!” Tracks

She’s unnecessarily hard on Allison it seems (of course you shouldn’t be hard on your kid at all, but I feel Vicky was over the top)

Additional notes: I really don’t remember much about her except that she was a psycho. Some of her points are tied in with Chris.

Noshiko Yukimura

Good

Wants to get Kira help controlling the fox spirit

Bad

Hides Kira’s powers from her until they started to manifest

Sends her to the skinwalkers possibly forever (and then changes her mind)

Doesn’t tell her about the plan to move back to New York

Talia Hale

Bad

She didn’t seem like she was a comfort to Derek after he killed Paige. She told him his eyes were pretty and there was nothing wrong with them. There are definitely other things she could have said such as “It was a mercy kill, that doesn’t make you a bad person” or “She was suffering, you helped her” IDK

If Talia and Laura evolved in the same way Derek did in season 4, how come he didn’t know what was happening to him? I’m assuming Talia didn’t tell him

Additional notes: There’s no information about her as a parent, and these are mostly assumptions

Corinne

Bad

Tries to murder her daughter

Claudia Stilinski

Good

Based on Claudia pre-dementia, she would’ve believed Stiles

Additional notes: And this is according to Stiles who wanted to (rightfully) make his dad feel bad for not believing him. Which he never does. (He also yelled at Stiles unnecessarily)

#anti noah stilinski #anti john Stilinski #anti sheriff stilinski #anti chris argent #peter hale #ken yukimura #david geyer #dr. geyer #anti rafael mccall #henry tate #anti elias stilinski #anti melissa mccall #sort of #anti natalie martin #anti victoria argent #noshiko yukimura #talia hale #claudia stilinski

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kristsune · 1 year

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So I had this idea a while ago, to do little reviews for all of Tim Meredith’s songs because I feel like there isn’t enough love out there for them. So last week I decided to just Do It. I finished (including the two new songs he just dropped yesterday) I have it here under a readmore, or if you would prefer, you can just read the gdoc here, I only did the songs that were listed on his bandcamp (which you should absolutely go to) even though there are a few extra early ones on his youtube. These were written in no particular order, basically whichever song I happened to click on next. Anyway, feel free to read and spread the word.

How to even describe Tim Meredith’s music. The way he can adapt to different styles and genres is honestly impressive. It’s probably got something to do with the improv background but it’s amazing how he can just … choose a style and write an incredible song for it. Everytime he drops a new song I am always impressed with what he has managed yet again.

Disclaimer: I don’t have any musical education except being friends with multiple musicians for many years in which only small amounts of information have managed to seep into my adhd addled brain. So I apologize for the lack of musically correct terminology, this is a work of appreciation, not technical prowess. Also lyrics are generally the last thing I hear, so I may mention them here and there, but they aren’t my main focus for this.

Always Here

I can’t quite express what it is about this song that I adore, but it absolutely has something to do with the deep rumble of the bass and the way it drives the song forward relentlessly. The effect on the vocals only adds to this. The fact that it goes minor definitely caters to my tastes specifically. The high tones that come in during the bridge have such a Bowie quality that is delightful and a perfect contrast to the rest of the song. (artwork: the mossy greenery adds such a vibe to the song)

Don’t Look to Me

This has been one of my favorites since it aired. The high vocals of the chorus, with the overlapping harmonies are beautifully done and how they are placed over each other makes me think of something being sung in a large hall or church, big and echoey. Additionally the offset of the lyrics “it’s what you chose” (and to a lesser degree “any other way”) makes it feel like you’re being surrounded, like its multiple people telling you this is what you chose, what you wanted. I adore how the vocals trail out with the music at the end. (artwork: the hot pink neon feels so right for the feeling, the tiles adding to the echo)

Sweaty (Near You)

I know this one was controversial at the release, but I honestly could not then, and still cannot understand why. People are honestly sleeping on this song and it makes no sense to me. It’s got a very sensual vibe without gendered lyrics. Sure “baby” is used, but if you don’t think baby could be used for any gender then that’s on you, not the song. The deep base with the sparse instrumentation with a fun noodly solo is just an excellent combination that works so incredibly well. (artwork: the b&w photo with dark maroon text is a perfect combination)

Lucky Boy

When this song premiered my first thought was the entrance song for a villain in a movie. I could see it so clearly in my head. It’s got drive, and movement, and attitude the way it kicks up into high gear into the chorus from the verse with that fuzz guitar. The incredible layers with all the different synth/organ sounds, paints such an image. Nevermind the vocals that fit so perfectly within all that. (artwork: The maneki-neko is such a perfect choice for this)

Numbers and Lights

This is another one I have difficulty describing quite what it is that I love about it. It’s rather lowkey all the way through and I rather enjoy the… almost the stops and starts, the way it gives pause before kicking back in, like the song needs to take a breath before moving on. Again, pretty sure this one turns minor in a way that caters directly to me. Small detail that really delights me is what sounds like the equivalent to crickets under the “Reid asks Reid tells”. (artwork: gotta love biflag color rep. always a plus)

Limb Controller

This song features Amy and was an early favorite of mine. It feels like a song that could and should be played at a disco, just making me want to dance. The synths are perfect and I love how they gain intensity in the bridge before coming back down for the verse. The contrast between Amy’s higher vocals to Tim’s rougher growly ones is a perfect combination. I’ve always loved the “I’ve already let him in, a puppet on his string” moment. (artwork: when videos were still being made, love the scifi vibes)

Never Loved

Another song that is a bit more lowkey, but still comes through with excellent vibes. This one is really all about the syncopation especially with the drums. Which includes the panning back and forth during certain portions, but especially during the time change. I also really love the effects on the vocals. The occasional splashes of a high stringed instrument, and the crash of a forward cymbal really just add to the atmosphere of the song. (arwork: something about being called never loved with what looks like kintsugi just kinda Hits)

Love Your Mind

The repeating pattern throughout this song is just So Good, I love everything about it, and then how other patterns build on top of it? Impeccable. There are so many layers but it's never too much or loses track of itself, never feels over complicated or discordant. I always end up tapping along to the pattern, sometimes difficult to choose which one to follow. This song is shorter, but never fails to make me smile. (artwork: love the chandelier with the many intricate patterns, feels like it matches the song perfectly in that way)

On Your Terms

Oh that bass line. *chef kiss* Absolutely the backbone of the song, helps create the perfect atmosphere for that distorted guitar. Tim always puts a lot into the vocals, but here it feels like there is a extra level of emotion that feels raw. The way the note is held for “on your terms” just kind of kicks me in the chest every time. (artwork: love that the fire is the only color)

Some Thoughts After Consideration

This song truly resonates with me on a molecular level. I have been working in retail for going on 18 years and I just feel this song in the depths of my soul. Something about the wobbly synths and strong beat with the soft vocals are just perfect. The transition to what almost feels like a … big musical number in a theatrical show for the chorus. Like I can just see big spot lights turning on the stage. Perfection. (artwork: can’t go wrong with a squawking seagull, theme on point)

Falling Away

This is another one of my favorites. It’s so soft and gentle, lilting piano blending so perfectly with the vocals, which build up in intensity for the chorus so beautifully. Again, I think this one turns minor key, though I’m not as sure about it as I am with the others. I don’t have a lot of words for this one, but it’s lovely in its simplicity. (artwork: always loved this one for no reason I can really define)

Regret Me Not

I love how this song starts off sounding like something like a medieval march. The most prominent thing about this song is of course those incredible harmonies all throughout. The whole initial build up, and how it switches halfway through is just incredible. There is so much depth in this short song. I don’t always pay attention to lyrics, but when I did look at them I was surprised and delighted by how uplifting they are. (artwork: another older one with a video. I am a sucker for nature anything, and this just being a series of nature shots particularly appealed to me)

Pacesetter

The deep rumbly bass paired with the panning distorted vocals is just an incredible driving force. This song has the kind of beat that will just go on forever. If it were a predator it would be a komodo dragon just relentlessly following behind, never losing sight, always there stalking forward. (artwork: the starting line for a racetrack is an excellent choice)

The Aftermath

This was another early favorite of mine. The mandolin is the star of this song, but it is surrounded by a wonderful arrangement that allows it to be so. The gentle piano with the soft vocals, the shakers and woodblocks all come together beautifully. I always adored the extended pause about ⅔ of the way through. (artwork: this is my favorite video, and I’m sure it took a lot of work to match all the timing so well. The way it ends with the snuffing of the candle 10/10 no notes)

Arcadia

The light bouncy acoustic guitar is so catchy paired with the light and airy vocals, just makes for a lovely song all around. Truly impressive that so much can be expressed with so few instruments. I always find myself nodding my head along to this one. (artwork: makes me think of marshmallow and then want something sweet, but then I remember it’s a rock face and then that makes me want to climb it. Too bad it wasn’t a marshmallow clifface)

Deep Air

This is one of those songs that I love because it’s so out of the usual wheelhouse. It’s chill and wonderfully lowkey, and truly does make you feel like you are just floating around in space. The NASA audio certainly only adds to that vibe. Even with all that I do really love how it still slowly builds towards a big end. (artwork: excellent space vibes, love it)

A Horrid Angry Goose

I remember the goose game stream quite fondly, and this song in response to that was an absolute delight. It’s a fun and funny song, but it also has genuinely fantastic harmonies, and a strong baseline. The build up in each verse into the chorus is just so good. I love how it tells the story of the game, but in such a delightful way. This song is a guaranteed mood boost and I’m so glad for it. (artwork: Goosey perfection)

What It Says About Me

Adore the intro to this, the panning on the string instrument is perfect, and then when the beat drops and everything just drives on. Again, the way the vocals harmonize is impeccable. Truly impressive. Also adore the almost call and response at about halfway through. (artwork: something about the rusted half visible ship feels sad, though I suppose it’s apt for the song)

Unremarkable Sin

The alternating rhythms for this are just so incredibly good, the way it starts and the way it changes when the drums kick in, giving it a bit of swing that is just really great. I really love the gentle vocals for this as well, they fit between the instrumentation so perfectly. (artwork: i love the vague religious vibes, which somehow also translate into the music but in a not actually religious way)

What’s Due

Another one that just kicks ass right out the gate. The rising synths just gives this song such energy. The layered and overlapping synths and rhythms makes it feel like it’d fit right in at a bar or a scene in a movie (bar scene in a movie?) Again the pause about ⅔ the way through adds such drama and it’s absolutely perfect. The processing on the vocals is fantastic and the delivery only adds to the overall attitude of the song. (artwork: bull terriers are one of my favorite puppies and this one is SO cute, bonus points for bi pride colors)

Breaking

The bass line with the panning distorted guitar is such a good combination. That plus the processing on the vocals, creates such a spacious atmosphere that feels melancholy (Though I suppose the lyrics probably add to that feelings). (artwork: love a good seascape, big fan of corals and anemones, and adds to the vibe of having already “fallen”)

An Imagined Sense

Another song that just makes me want to dance, The way this one goes from just a decent beat to kicking into high gear is so good. Again with the excellent doubled vocals/extreme delay just creating such a great balance with the synths. (artwork: the video for this is extremely hypnotizing and feels like you’re being sucked into the song, which feel right)

Walk Away

The really distorted bass paired with the really light piano synth and gentle cymbals is just a really excellent combination. I really love the repetition for the chorus, plus of course the lovely harmonies make for a really lovely chill song. (artwork: Always been a fan of viewing through an opening, but the broken down interior out into the green outdoors is very pleasing.)

Exquisitely Bad

The groove that is set as soon as the song starts is just impeccable. And that groove just doesn’t stop. I love the contrast of that deeper bass with the higher synths that alternate between ears. Something about how the vocals jump up during with the chord progression is delightful. Really just a killer song. (artwork: love the dilapidated house with green font, fit right in with the Halloween premiere)

Horny for Greece

I know this started as a song from stream, but it is genuinely a fantastic song. That funky piano that gives Stevie Wonder Vibes, the niche but perfect rhymes with excellent vocals, the syncopated drums. All just add up to great vibes. (artwork: having the title cut diagonal over the broken section of sculpture is perfection)

The Eventual

Always a sucker for a song with handclaps. Mixed with the woodwind and the harmonica creates such an interesting atmosphere. There is something about the double beat on the drums that I really enjoy. I also love the strong distortion on the vocals, really pulls the room together. (artwork: took me ages to realize the picture was flipped upside down, that being said, it’s still very visually interesting)

Wretched

The slow build with the offset synths that make almost a round, the drums start and stopping before they fade and the beat truly starts is just so good. It creates such tension. I love how the synths create almost waves throughout the song, pulling it along. I also adore the effects on the vocals, just fits so perfectly with the soundscape of the rest of the song. (artwork: it took me a little bit to realize what I had been looking at, but the textures are so good. Fits with the vibes)

More Time

The hard fuzz guitar is such a strong start for this song, paired with the very rock drums is just perfect. Just has excellent classic rock vibes. I really love the depth of emotion felt in the vocals, and the low doubled vocal is a perfect extra layer you sometimes don’t even realize is there adding to it. (artwork: not sure how or why, but the fire seems to just fit perfectly for this)

Can’t Happen Here

I absolutely love the piano intro for this, it really sets the whole mood. I absolutely love the vocals for this song. The almost call and response, the harmonies, just *chef kiss* fantastic. I also really love the fuzz guitar when it kicks in. Ramps the song to a whole other level. (artwork: love the roiling clouds for this one. Yet again, fits the mood perfectly.)

Kennecott

I desperately love the percussion in this song, both the unusual patterns and the sounds used. It creates such a cool landscape for the song. And the interest doesn’t end there. The part where the sound pans quickly from left to right with the rhythm is just so incredibly good. This song is just an experience from start to finish. (artwork: I never quite figured out what this one was, an aerial shot? of the beach? My brain always just made it out to be an abstract painting but I am currently realizing that is incorrect. Still fits the vibe though, feels scattershot like the song.)

On Notice

(sidenote: I have barely listened to this one, because I tend to listen to my youtube playlist, and I found while making this that this song is only on bandcamp, so I haven’t listened to this one nearly as much as most of the others despite it being released about a year ago)

The sheer amount of Radiohead Vibes for this is absolutely incredible, and as someone who absolutely adores Radiohead, I love it. I love how the vocals come in and out, I love the almost droning instruments in the background. Additionally, on the delay on the vocals is fantastic, and I love the pause like ⅔ the way through. Excellent. (artwork: Love the b&w, looks like black marble. Great look.)

Better from Further Away

I love the simple clean (upright?) bass in the opening, with the soft drums. Again, I am a sucker for harmonies and I love them on the chorus. The juxtaposition of the very chill relaxed song, to the somewhat ridiculous (read: amazing) lyrics is very good. (artwork: Love this video, especially the close up zoom on the sheep when they are mentioned.)

Friend of Mine

I love how gentle and soft this whole song is. The piano and soft drums working so well together with the gentle lyrics. I really love it when the piano kind of goes into double time. (artwork: Love a good red sunset. Excellent.)

In The Dark

I love how this starts out with what feels like very 80’s movie synths, and then just shifts into a very chill song. Not sure why but it does give very 80’s Jim Henson vibes. Like I feel this should be in the Dark Crystal or Labyrinth or something. Maybe it’s the lovely harmonies that I can see being sung by small fuzzy puppets. Also I absolutely adore the horns throughout. Perfect 10/10. (artwork: I think 3 puppets should in fact pop out of the three holes to sing those harmonies.)

Now We’ll Never Know

This song is so very pretty. The simple bass and ringing guitar along with the gentle vocals. Yet again, the harmonies on the “oohs” are beautiful and I love them, especially paired with that gently picked guitar. (artwork: love a good dilapidated staircase. The green lettering is a perfect match.)

#tim meredith #music #my writing #please feel free to reblog

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nyehilismwriting · 1 year

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Hey! I wanted to ask for your advice. I was a minor part of the IF community, specifically the COG community, back in 2020. Mostly as a reader, but I dabbled in sharing some of my own writing too. For... reasons we are both well aware of, both in regards to COG, the larger IF community, and the start of COVID I eventually quietly left. Now, three years later, I've been quietly picking up writing IF again as a way to share my story with others. I was wondering if you think, in your opinion, it's worth officially re-joining the IF community on tumblr. On one hand, I feel like things have improved in that the larger community has matured (somewhat). I would like to make more friends, get advice, and maybe even share some more of my art. On the other hand, my project as it stands is... very non-traditional compared to a lot of other IFs (IE: No character customization, no romance, focus on a singular story with emphasis on worldbuilding, etc.). So I don't know if I would even be able to build a community around it even if I did officially rejoin.

I've followed your blog since 2020, including Project Hadea (although I think I originally started following you for your urban fantasy project, although I cannot for the life of me remember if that was you or another author!), and thought I'd come to you for your advice.

I chose to send this ask publicly so that you could choose to answer it privately, if you wished, since it is a longer ask. But I'm okay with you posting it publicly if you would like to! Additionally, no pressure or obligation to respond. Have a nice day!

hi there!! thank you for thinking of me - and welcome back! i'm glad to hear you've been writing again<3 it's such a good feeling, especially when you haven't been able to be creative for a while.

i think i'll start by addressing your game itself. personally, I think this community could do with some new blood in the form of games that are non-traditional; some of the best IFs I've played, ones that have really stuck with and inspired me, have been ones without romance, or cc, or otherwise outside of the typical format that gets popular on tumblr. honestly, i think we could all stand to get a little weirder with it. having said that, there is a very clear type of game that gets popular on tumblr (long-form, narrative-driven, usually with romance, usually with some kind of emphasis on character creation), so if you're a number-go-up kind of person (or someone who is susceptible to that mindset), I would be braced for your audience to remain small, particularly when you're just starting out.

that's not necessarily a bad thing. while I do agree with you that this community has grown and changed shape a lot since the late 2010s, and in a lot of ways for the better, it's definitely not perfect. I can't, in good conscience, say that this is the friendliest or most comfortable community: lots of people are absolutely lovely, and very very kind and enthusiastic; however, and this is absolutely not limited to IF but endemic to any online community, there are ongoing issues with Boundaries, and Respect, and the ways people interact with work and authors they're fans of. certainly, when you share your work you're giving up some control, but it's hard to predict exactly how that's going to go, and how the audience are going to react.

not saying this to put you off, but it's something I think everyone needs to be aware of before deciding to share. it's good to remember that you're not beholden to anyone. this is tumblr dot come, and you're quite free to start a blog, decide it's not for you, and delete; you're free to turn off anon, or asks altogether, or to never post anything save for updates; this is not a corporate space (and while there are considerations if you plan to open a patreon etc, but if we're just talking tumblr) and you are not obligated to do or provide anything you haven't promised.

my other bit of advice - and i think one of the ways to keep any interactions as pleasant as possible - is to be honest, and transparent, and manage expectations. if you make it clear what kind of game you're writing, you're less likely to get people who are disappointed that it's not what they were expecting and taking it out on you. likewise, setting boundaries is important.

i can't really tell you if it's 'worth' rejoining: i've definitely questioned if it's worth it, myself. i've seen some people, ostensibly in the same community as me, doing and saying things i find utterly reprehensible, and i've made some incredibly close friends who i adore and wouldn't give up for the world. and, after all, i am still here and answering asks, so i can't hate it that much. communities are made up of people, and like any group, there's gonna be people you can't stand and people you can. it's about finding your corner, and making it a bearable space for yourself.

i can't tell you if you'll have a positive or negative experience; I can't tell you how to control that. all i can say is that this is an online community, and ultimately you can control when and how interactions occur.

finally - again, i'm glad you're writing again! if you decide not to step back into the IF scene on tumblr, there's plenty of devs who keep purely to itch.io or the cog forums and seem to do fine; sharing your game does not necessarily mean sharing anything else. do what makes you most comfortable <3

#i hope this is...helpful #it's not a simple answer; personally i am proud of the work i have done and the interactions i have had #and i definitely can't leave a glowing review for the IF community as a whole but i have my friends and i have my game #and i am happy with those things #there's also always discord servers - the interact-if server might be a place to start if you're looking for more immediate interactions #pyrrouge #long post #anyway i'm flattered you thought of me and i hope this gives you some kind of. idk. something to think about #even if it doesn't fully answer the question

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ruthlesslistener · 10 months

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not to come into your house after asking an incredibly basic question, but your response is very interesting to me? Interesting feels like the wrong word but it's also v late for me. Most thoughts I hear about the gerudo are either just in it for the Ganondorf lore and thus gloss over other things about them, or only have positive things to say in a way that feels kinda oblivious? Or on rare occasions, people thoroughly tearing them apart. So, seeing your response aknowledge the things people usually tear into nintendo for but still come away liking them pretty wholesale was interesting in a good way! Like a breath of fresh air that hadn't occurred to me. anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts, if you can't tell already they kinda tipped the way I think about the gerudo pretty topsy-turvy in a way I'll examine later when it's not midnight. sorry if this is overstepping or smthn after starting with a two sentence ask. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on them when both of us have more brain power.

Glad that it got you thinking about things! I don't think you're overstepping, but I do want to point out that I really don't have much experience with the nuances of the Zelda franchise, so I might not have very insightful commentary on it. I've never played the games myself, I only watched BOTW, Twilight Princess, and Wind Waker playthroughs/speedruns and am partially through smallant's TOTK 100% vods.

The way I think about it, though (and this applies to anything except Harry Potter), is that you can acknowledge the flaws in a piece of media while also enjoying aspects of it that are not flawed, because nuance is a thing and what matters most is not internalizing the bigoted shit you might see and allowing it to influence how you treat/write others. Additionally, it can help you learn about the pitfalls that other writers might fall into, and whether or not it was intentional or not, because different sterotypes/problematic troupes will crop up in different ways in different cultures, and intention makes all the difference between deliberate propaganda and yet another cultural oversight that needs to be addressed, but can be corrected later on. Stories are written by human beings and human beings are inherently flawed entities, so dismissing any and all enjoyment you might find in a story simply because it has problems just isn't reasonable (though blindly defending it isn't great, either).

(The reason why HP is an exception is, of course, because the author directly benefits from its publicity and uses that benefit to actively harm minority groups, so there really is no ethical way of engaging with that shit)

The Gerudo are very much a flawed concept drawing off of the fallacies of Middle Eastern stereotypes, and there's much to be said about the imperialist undertones that run through TOTK with the kingdom of Hylia and its expansion to other territories (though this might not be intentional- Japan is notorious for being pro-imperialist and glossing over all the horrors of imperialism or their past crimes with it. Then again, America is just as bad, if not worse, so I'm hardly on a moral high horse here). There certainly is a lot more to be said about the racism inherent to making the Big Bad Evil of the series a brown man, and then trying to mask that by turning his skintone green, or black, or just generally trying to dehumanize him. Not to mention the fact that a man is born to the Gerudo once every hundred years, and that he automatically becomes their king for whatever reason (with Ganon, I can see it's because he's power-hungry, but still). But you can also enjoy the flashy decor of the Gerudo, the buff warrior woman society with their codes of honour, and the badassery of their chieftans that can call down lightning, because at the same time, the Gerudo are so fantastical that they end up being just that...fantastical.

So while I'm sure there's a lot of nuance that I'm missing given that I'm more of an observer of new games in the Zelda series than anything else, imo I think its fine to enjoy them while still being aware of the racist elements to their story, because while the racism isn't great they're also so different from like, actual irl human beings that it's not too bad. It's more that they were spawned from racist stereotypes that is the direct issue, if that makes any sense

#anon #reply #again! i only really know botw canon so i am missing a whole lotta context #but yeah i think you can enjoy something while also knowing that its got shitty elements to it

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stonedghostblogg · 5 months

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documentation of a 21 year old Chicana living in 21st century America (11.2023)

journal entry (1)

I finally have a job after being unemployed for 3 months. I left my last job due to harassment from upper management, who were not shy about how controlling they can and will be. It was not fun being 1 of 2 POC in an office full of white people. It was my first office job, too. So I am already not fond of corporate America. Prior to losing my job, I did a decent job at saving up my money (thanks to my BF who takes care of our date nights and other outings). But seeing as to how much things cost, I still raked up thousands in CC debt, haha! Additionally, my car insurance rate went up by $100/ month due to ‘inflation’ (I call BS and really CEOs are trying to squeeze out the life and money common folk have left). I’m also getting nervous because the holidays are approaching and I need to buy food, gifts, decor and blah blah blah. All this to say I feel like there’s more tough times coming ahead and trying to pay it all off will not be simple.

On a brighter note, it’s almost been a year since I secured my first apartment. I spent years before this wishing I could live on my own. It’s a big accomplishment of mine. Before obtaining my apartment, I still held out hope that I’d be able to afford a house with my S/O. Boooy was that dream crushed real quick. Although my one bedroom apartment is quite meager, I still appreciate the fact that I’ve been able to pay my rent every month and that me, my boyfriend and my two cats have a safe place to eat and slumber peacefully.

Sometimes my mind enters a dark place and refuses to have hope for easier times where money isn’t an issue. So far in my adulthood, it really feels like I’ve been getting to know the world more and how bad it really is. Growing up, you always hear lectures about the “real world” and how tough it is and blah blah. I will admit it is very tough. But I’ve come to understand that it’s only so tough because of the people in control of everything. It’s tough because the system was made to be tough. Especially for anyone in minority groups or people with unstable home lives. I’ve learned so much of disparities that exist and evil acts committed in the past by vile people to remain in control of the economy. I’ve also come to learn how many ‘different companies’ are owned by only 1 or 2 other companies. How easy it is for rich people to evade punishment and how difficult it is for lower class people’s and minorities to have their basic needs met.

Really I’ve learned that this existence is a facade. Unless you start a successful business or become an internet sensation/celebrity, you’ll always live a life of trying to scrape by, working most days while older generations critique younger people for being lazy (despite most of us having 2 or more jobs to get by!). Not everyone can own a business or become a celebrity. Not everyone WANTS that. The belief that you can do anything in this country just by pulling up your boot straps is false. I am also understanding why certain people want history to be eased or told differently than it actually happened. The world is bad, but it is so much worse than I thought.

That’s not to say there isn’t any good in life. There definitely is. It’s just difficult to find. There’s a saying about knowing there’s kindness in the world because one is kind. I like to think it’s true. I try to be kind as often as I can. I try to appreciate the small things in life as often as I can.

But how long of that will I have to do, will others have to do, until we are able to have our needs met. When businesses aren’t charging an arm and a leg for food or clothes. Donation centers selling second hand clothing are even inflating their prices. In addition to corporations squeezing money out of everyone, there’s also the feeling of impending doom resulting from Climate change and/or nuclear war. Despite the world literally dying and flowers growing in Antártica, everyone still must adhere to the working standards for large corporations. Will it only end when everyone’s dead?

#venting #21st century #climate crisis #working class #struggling with mental health #struggling to survive

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the-firebird69 · 7 months

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In addition the small bases are cut down they have millions and millions of these quasi military bases but small bases are considered to be like 20 by 10 top side and one 60x20x40 roughly and there were about 300 now this about 20 in the Western hemisphere the rest are destroyed and gutted remaining 20 half of them are on fire and will be blown and gutted within the hour and the rest of them will be destroyed shortly too. And there were millions and now there's 2 million small ones the small bunker systems which are approximately 10x1 x5 or so near and most of those are engaged and will be destroyed probably by midnight tonight

-in addition to that the cities are embroiled the four are going after them and heavily and foreigners have joined in and minority morlock and they are rating and the max we're doing it on lesser scale they have increased their rates to a very high level and are doing 60 to 70% of it and we are in now and we're taking our share decreasing theirs to 50% in hours to about 30% and we're speeding up there's a lot of stuff there that we want we got reports in from all over the place we should be in there and our father and mother got there offspring to do it in the point of tons of stuff and we needed it now but it was earlier today so it's good

-also in addition to that the city areas out to the suburbs rural areas contain tons of stashes and caches held by morlock or put there and they're like pancreats there's tons of stuff diamonds and rubies 10 miles 20 miles gold Platinum white gold and silver huge deposits of it and it's being gathered by everybody they're going out there to try and stop them

--furthermore John Raymond Lord is falling for his own stuff he wants to believe that he has a program and no one else does when he has a Mickey he has two mickeys and that we know about now that our son knows about and daughter and is more and yeah he keeps falling for it

-in addition to those items they are at the parks again and trying to pull the stuff out and they did get caught but they got caught by bugs and they look like assassin bugs and they're fighting them and they think they're nothing and they're getting killed thoroughly and soon the trumpsters will be gone because of those parts and that's what we think will happen

-and additionally they are trying to attack Mac faces and additional to the attacking the floor you're still sending large groups after the force basis and they are sending now troops after the Mac cases and after the deserts and they're depleted themselves rapidly and this movie did not help he thinks his stuff is his initsubi anything since CGI and he's screaming in the movie it is me it's not CGI and he's horrified as a response. After this event in the movie happens he feels really bad since I'm not doing this we're in trouble when he's been screaming at me I put them under such duress everyone's sick and tired of looking at me and hearing me and he tried to go out and die somewhere and didn't work started facing the empire down and saw it with them.

-he's also attacking some foreign areas and successfully and he's trying to attack Florida and that's all the morlock actually and they're trying to attack some citadel not too many and they're getting their asses kicked very badly.

-it's a large number of them in Charlotte county that treat our son very badly but they need to leave and they will soon

-one reason we know this is the crabs attack this morning is continuing and that is very bad our son says it should be over by now and daughter too she says they're going in there and they're not coming out and that's the worst thing that can happen the big ones can see it right now you got 120 ft to 150 ft marching in about 10 miles and they're attacking them and the crabs are eating people and getting killed there's some small ones left but really some around $200 to 300 ft of plowing in is about 10 million of them and that is a huge army of craps gigantic. So son says why don't you have your Giants go out there and eat the crabs some of them are really huge and they don't want to do that. Is a day to remember okay now in the south the only 10 miles in it's like 500 miles wide it's almost the entire South another hundred on each side and it's done and it's actually going to extend into Nevada a little and it will be about 80 miles from Las Vegas. Everything is going to be decimated unless they mounted attack to count to the crabs and right now they're pushing in they have probably about 40 million 400 ft cramps pushing the 300 ft and 200 ft and lesser in and they are moving and that's a huge number and it almost covers half of the South if you leave them out flat son how he died but that's way too many this too many crabs out there and we'll have to get involved of course others will too the morlocks see it now and they're getting airplanes and jets and all sorts of stuff to try and do something. It's really about time that's a stupid thing they're doing they kill them at Sea they got eaten up it'll be over but they're not bright people they're very dumb

-in addition to that they're trying to attack DC and the surrounding area including New England and New York and trying to retake it they're trying to get through the upper Midwest and what's stopping them is StarCraft type shifts and they're bringing them to there and they're fighting and we are going into the bunker systems of the max with Zerg they are getting blamed and it's a horror show they're getting wiped out.

Another numbers are very simple started with about 12% this morning it dropped down to 8% right now because several big huge groups went down below to try and get the ships and all over the world actually huge ones went North massive ones went down south to get smaller shifts and all sorts of different kinds and the point of little ones cuz they fight well in the tunnels

-you see an agitated because they are but a 4% drop is very huge. And they're talking on the radio let our son like they can do whatever they want to him tell him whatever they want and it still will work they're telling him that they had army and that they should try and use Goodwill to get whatever they want their pigs and their idiots as hell and now they're issuing threats so we're going to take care of them.

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues screw you by the radio you're a freaking moron and we know who you are and where you are and people are coming to get you what you're saying Hera

Gee I wish I was 3 years old too I guess sounds like a juvenile delinquent moron I tell you there's a lot of slow people here but some of them are very very stupid

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1sej · 1 year

Text

BLOG 2

CELEBRATING LITTLE SUCCESSES

So who am I? My name is Jermaine P. Moreno. I know what you are thinking right now when you hear my name, it sounds feminine, right? But I'm really a man. I think it’s a little unique for men to have a name like "Jermaine" because it sounds like a girl's name. My mom told me that my grandmother gave me this name. She got my name from her idol, Jermaine O'Neal, an American former professional basketball player. You can call me by my name, Jermaine, or by my in-game name, (IGN) Isei. Many people don't know how to pronounce or read my IGN. Well, it's not that hard to pronounce. It's like an essay with a hard "e" in it, so it's like this: issay (Isei). I don't know, but I prefer being called by my ign rather than my real name. I turned 17 just a few days ago. My birthday was on March 12, 2006. I was born at 189 Aguila Street, District 4, Cuyapo, Nueva Ecija, and that is where we live. If you're wondering what my zodiac sign is, I'm a Pisces. And if you are asking what my favorite song is, well, I don't have exactly a favorite song because I don't really have a general music taste, I just enjoy any music, and sometimes it depends on my mood on what genre of songs I'm listening to. My favorite hobbies are playing basketball and playing online games like Call of Duty Mobile (CoDM), Mobile Legends (ML), etc., and watching. It seems like I'm still in the pro player phase, I'm still in the phase where I dream of becoming a pro player like my idols. But sometimes I just think that what I'm doing is a waste of time. I don't know why I can't release this game, and I can't sell it either, because it seems like there's really something in it. Well, I also have many achievements here in CoDM, such as tournaments, semi-amateur tournaments, minor and major scrims, etc. And additionally, one of my hobbies is eating. Sometimes I always overeat, not because I'm hungry, but because it's like drugs that are addicting. It's like a drug that my body is looking for. That's why I'm fat, even though it's not that fat, it's called body dysmorphia.

A lot of things changed throughout this pandemic. Several changes have occurred, including those to the educational system as well as the passing of our loved ones. The pandemic's effects include numerous people losing their employment and their primary source of income, becoming hungry, etc. This is where my pro-player phase began during the epidemic. During this time, I neglected myself, sleeping barely at all, playing nonstop, skipping meals, and spending most of my time in bed and not going out of the room. Even though I made some new online friends, which made me happy in some strange way, the system still ate me up. I remember that one time, my father told me that the system had swallowed me. Life hit me hard those days, and not just that day but every day. But it's hard on those days because you need to face the pandemic, life challenges, and huge adjustments. I've come to realize that one of my weaknesses is that I'm uncomfortable talking to people and engaging in social interactions. When I make the first move, it's a little difficult because I don't know what to say. Other times, I just say something for the sake of saying something. Even though I'm making an effort, I find it challenging to interact with others. Prayer, independence from everyone else, self-confidence, and hard work were the only sources of strength I learned in those times. My realization about my weakness is that I need to overcome it because, for example, there's a part of the lesson that I didn't understand and I want to clarify it, or I want to understand the lesson, but I'm too shy to ask or to communicate, so I'd rather keep my mouth shut and don't ask it anymore. Then, in the upcoming exam or quiz, you don't know that part of the exam or quiz because that's the lesson that you didn't get, so you get a low score on your quiz or exam. Additionally, I have read a quote that says, "The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life." So yeah, I think I really should overcome my shyness with others. My realization of what has become my strength is that you can overcome everything through prayer. You can do everything by asking God for help. Well, not everything, because God has a plan for you. I tell you what. What if God gives you a problem for a reason? He may have created obstacles for you in order to make you stronger, or he may have done so simply in order to test your faith.

As long as there are dreamers

Who seeing a bright future

We know that there is promise

That will let us sleep at night

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numberblade0 · 2 years

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Everything about How Long Does LASIK Take

Full Article , which stands for laser device in-situ keratomileusis, is a well-liked surgical operation that can repair sight in individuals who are nearsighted or farsighted, or who possess astigmatism. The technique, contacted an intraocular laser device, can easily check three-dimensional mirrors and is similar to those in surgical procedure, but making use of just a single beam of light from a laser as an alternative of a fixed one (the laser device produces lighting and needs you to make use of a telescope). It’s one of numerous sight correction surgeries that function through enhancing your cornea, the crystal clear frontal part of your eye, so that light concentrates on the retina in the back of your eye. This has the side impact that what is presented in this image is a entirely standard cornea. You can easily also see a solitary pixel straight under the eyes—I saw a very small square!’. When illumination doesn’t concentrate on your retina the method it ought to, your vision is fuzzy. What you are seeing in this photo above need to not be found in complete sight. This individual's vision will definitely tell you it was foggy, so it is important that you avoid interruptions by simply appearing. I get in touch with this "accuition emphasis". When you are thinking of relocating away you are taking away a much larger sight that you may want. Physicians phone this a refractive inaccuracy. This has actually to carry out with how lightweight is made use of as showed off items. But because our light is scattered on a great deal of surface areas, there's a incredibly minor risk of diffraction. But it's not unsafe, except when we have reduced illumination sources. However, if something passes by you just as we would if that illumination was coming through the lens, at that point that lighting will pass through the lens triggering diffraction.

The simple styles consist of: Nearsightedness (nearsightedness). The majority of individuals, and also many physicians, seem to be to fall right into these three styles. Nevertheless, the two very most common styles are vision and hearing reduction, and it additionally seems extremely possible that there would be some clients who could possibly never ever be able to identify a full-body vision. However, some individuals might not even be able to separate correctly due to the lack of ability to distinguish plainly coming from various other people. You find factors clearly when they’re close to you, but factors farther away are blurry. What you are seeing, where you are, has been obscured by the white sound, and is no longer obvious in front of you.". "That's great," responded Weiss, "but the reality that thus lots of folks are currently chatting concerning it with such reduced regularity helps make it appear thus pointless, even if it seems safe. Why do thus several folks instantly understand? You see distant things more precisely, but closer traits are foggy. It's like people are attempting to think out their identification (or their true relationship), or their gender identity, or their religion.". But for those outside the camping ground of theological folks with no spiritual affiliation, most of their monitorings of the world are not quite self-serving, specifically since it has been the situation for a lot of of the three decades my pupil has been teaching them, that they are simply partially liable for the setting. This may create everything blurry because of how your eye is shaped. Right now you can easily observe that this is simply how a human eye really feels - a item of steel is twisted, and a item of steel is placed on leading of it to produce an 'angle'. This develops the impression of your eye observing you, not you; though that may sound like some medical thought, if you take into account everything that's going on. It's additionally vital that you possess your eyes right down and away coming from folks. Speak to your medical professional concerning whether LASIK is ideal for you. What's essential is that you tell your medical professional about your usage of LASIK, and if you possess any type of other issues with LASIK, carry out it immediately. This helps you to recognize which styles of medicines are appropriate for you. It likewise aids you maintain your medicines in a safe place. You need ton’t possess the surgery if you: Are more youthful than 18 Are expectant or nursing Take certain medicines Have a whole lot of current improvements to your eyesight prescription Possess slim or unequal corneas Possess eye health conditions such as glaucoma or extremely dry out eyes Have other wellness problems such as diabetic issues, lupus, or rheumatoid joint inflammation LASIK Eye Surgery Benefits The benefits of LASIK include: It’s been about for over 25 years. About 96% of patients reach their sight targets later. Many possess to live in fear and are not able to find themselves. Dr. Kooning Lim of the University Hospital of California San Diego who has been obtaining eye testing since 1992 mentioned: "Often you possess to begin working on a problem but after that you have to cease being able to observe something. Thus, you get the sense you can't observe the whole trait. We can easily assist people along with this problem," he pointed out. An enhancement may raise this amount also a lot more. At least three creatures cannot be influenced by this attack, and they possess drawback on saving tosses against spells along with this benefit, or on sparing throws versus electricity damage. Creatures that make it through this assault (save DC 13) need to do well on a Constitution saving throw or be stunned for 1 sphere. A animal increases proficiency in Wisdom (Perception) or Cha (+2) for 2 hrs or up until the end of its turn. There’s quite little, if any, pain included. What I'd say is that it merely got a little bit of worse, and I was like, well no, not a significant offer, but I've been doing a excellent project therefore much, so nothing's the end of the world. And we're going to keep that going therefore we're done below, if there's anything else they've obtained to perform. Thus appropriate? We're gonna keep here and simply keep going.

#Lasik Eye Surgery #Laser Eye Cneter #Laser Treatment #Lasik

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felinedetached · 3 years

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Fandom Ableism in the MCYT Community

[Edited 14 June 2021]

One thing I’ve noticed about the MCYT (Dream SMP, specifically) community on both Tumblr and Twitter is that when informed of things that are ableist, or harmful to ND people, a lot of people ignore the post/tweet, derail it or actively fight against it.

“I’m ND so I can’t be ableist” is a common statement, which is blatantly untrue. Even I’ve used ableist terms and phrases before, without realising they were harmful. So as a neurodivergent person, with autism, BPD, depression/anxiety, dyslexia, psychosis & brain damage*: here’s some common ableist things both CCs and fandom say almost constantly**.

*note that not every neurodivergent person will agree with me on these, but these are commonly ableist things people have previously talked about online, and/or have been discussed between me and other neurodivergent friends. No minority can ever speak for the entire group.

**note that a lot of these are common outside the MCYT community as well, and that some of these are just considered societally acceptable. This isn’t okay, but it explains why a lot of people don’t recognise jokes or comments like these are wrong, and it means that it’s not a direct moral failing of people that they don’t immediately or directly recognise these comments as wrong.

Now, let’s get into the things you might not have realised are potentially ableist:

1. Use of “Psychopath/Psycho/Sociopath/Schizo” and other demeaning terms for people with mental illnesses as insults, or to describe characters who are considered villainous. Psychopath/Psycho/Sociopath are already terms that people with ASPD dislike using, even not as an insult, but using these terms to describe people or characters who you disagree with or see as villainous only contributes to the villainisation of people with ASPD and other mental illnesses. Using c!Dream as an example: Dream as a character is not confirmed to have any of these mental illnesses. He is, however, commonly labeled as psychotic/psychopathic, incapable of any kind of compassion.

He is also a character that fandom largely insists that nobody is allowed to sympathise with. This is a huge issue, and has hurt a lot of people, especially people with low empathy, or mental illnesses that cause them to relate to some of c!Dream’s actions (e.g. pulling away from all his friends, desperately grasping at straws to gain control of situations etc). Insisting that these characters are characters it’s impossible to sympathise with, all while calling them psychotic/psychopathic/sociopathic, is extremely harmful, and I hope this post draws attention to that.

Here’s another post that talks about that.

2. Use of the term “freak”, in general. As an insult, “freak” has been typically used to insult neurodivergent people, people with visible physical disabilities (ex. “freakshow”, and the term was reportedly created with the intent of insulting people with physical disabilities), or people who display any kind of abnormal/atypical social behaviour/physical aspects — people who are usually ND people who lack a diagnosis or people with physical disabilities. Recent usage has come to mean “people who do things that hurt other people”, but this is harmful as well; using words like “freak” or “weirdo” which mean “socially atypical behaviour” to refer to people who are actually doing things that hurt other people conflates the two, and often has a side effect of hurting disabled people who see it.

3. Calling ND ccs like Technoblade monotone/emotionless. While the term “monotone” isn’t ableist in and of itself, the fact that it’s being used against a neurodivergent man who emotes in a different way to neurotypical people rubs a lot of ND people the wrong way. I’ve partially discussed this here, in a tweet responding to a person who said that c!Technoblade, quote, “has no human capabilities like emotion for example”. This, however, is not something contained to c!Technoblade — one of the most common jokes in this fandom is how rare it is to hear emotion in Technoblade’s voice.

The issue with that is that neurodivergent people almost universally agree that Technoblade emotes perfectly fine, and, in fact, emotes more freely and clearly than a lot of others do. Hence, calling him monotone perpetuates the idea of ND people as emotionless/less able to be hurt/less expressive, which often hurts us. It also contributes to the dehumanisation of ND people — related to how ND symptoms are most often seen in robots or monsters in shows — and is generally extremely harmful, on top of being untrue.

4. Related to point 3: the infantilisation of ND ccs like Tubbo and Dream, usually paired with assigning “caretakers” of their friends, like Tommy and George. This is about the posts that spread like “omg, Tommy helps Tubbo with his dyslexia, that’s so cute” or “omg George is so patient with Dream, I could never sit through that” on videos of Dream vocally stimming because of his ADHD. This is another post that talks about this, but I wanted to talk more about why this is harmful here.

4a) With Tubbo’s dyslexia, from someone with dyslexia, it isn’t harmful to correct his spelling and move on. Personally, I think this is helpful — others will think it’s condescending, because not all ND people are the same — but as the above linked post mentions, this is not what Tubbo’s twitch chat does. This is not what the comments say. It’s all things about how it’s “so cute” that Tubbo can’t spell, how Tommy/Ranboo are “so patient” with correcting him. This is rooted in the need to constantly watch over ND people while acting like we can't live our lives without someone having us under constant vigilance. It feels like savior-complex ableism, like people are trying so hard to not be ableist that they spin back around to hurting us instead. And it feels like we are being treated like children. Like we are lesser than, and need to be monitored/watched over.

4b) Similarly to what people do with Tubbo, the comments on posts about Dream’s vocal stimming are often full of people calling George “patient” for “dealing with it”, or claiming they “wouldn’t be able to handle it”. This is inherently ableist. They’re praising George for basic human decency towards ND people, and claiming in the same breath that they wouldn’t be able to do that themselves. And then there’s these.

These comments infantilise Dream — claiming he “wouldn’t be able to stop/calm down” without George’s help, implying he’d “spiral out of control” or claiming “everyone is now my child”. It’s all related to the infantilisation of ND people, and the belief that without help/a caretaker we cannot take care of ourselves.

5. The way people treat ccs who likely have undiagnosed neurodivergencies, like Wilbur. Wilbur has openly admitted on stream before that his parents considered getting him an autism diagnosis. He also openly admits on stream that he has habits he doesn’t understand why he does, and hyperfixates on things for months at a time and doesn’t know why. Posts like this have gone around Tumblr, in which Wilbur displays blatantly ND traits.

And fandom generally calls him weird for expressing those traits. This video where he talks about eating sand because he likes the texture? That’s an ND trait. This video where he talks about his irrational hatred for anteaters? While mostly a joke, irrational hatred of something when you can’t explain/understand/articulate why is also a common ND trait. He spends 20 minutes during a Philza stream info-dumping about self-sustaining ecosystems (sharing the photo, because I think it’s really cool) and fandom begins calling them “Wilbur’s weird jars”. It’s demeaning to people who infodump, and as a ND person who hyperfixates and infodumps it’s really upsetting to see. It’s also upsetting to see other ND traits being called “weird” or “freaky” & made out to be soley some funny joke for NT people to laugh at us about.

Additionally: It’s strange to me that people think it’s okay to make fun of ND traits just because they know that or perceive that the person they’re making fun of is NT. It’s still making fun of ND traits. It’s still insulting ND people. It’s still ableist as hell. Why is it okay just because the person is NT?

6. Implying that c!Ranboo’s enderwalking is inherently violent. Ranboo has shown us time and time again that the enderwalk state isn’t a violent state. That the enderwalk state isn’t a seperate version of c!Ranboo that does horrific things. Why, then, is it so common to imply that Ranboo would be violent and hurt people why he’s enderwalking?

It comes back to the perception of c!Ranboo as a character with “two halves”, or as a character with DID. Ranboo has made it clear that his character does not have DID, but this headcanon about his character persists, and it persists in a way that is directly harmful to people with DID — and to people who dissociate or sleepwalk. We do not commit horrific acts while we dissociate, while we’re sleepwalking, because the majority of the time we’re just checked out, our body is on autopilot. Insinuating that we do is harmful. Insinuating that Ranboo has “another half” that’s inherently violent or evil is harmful to people with DID. I’m not going to ask you to stop writing these headcanons etc, but please consider the effect you have on people before you do.

7. Related to point 6: the perception of c!Ranboo as “soft” and “cute” and/or perfectly moral because of his canonical anxiety. This is really harmful, and comes once again from the infantilisation of disorders like anxiety and depression. Ranboo has made clear time and time again that his character isn’t moral, and in fact is extremely inconsistent. He’s portrayed his character as inconsistent, as someone who hurts his friends unintentionally and often due to his want to please everyone, and yet he’s constantly seen as “soft/pure/the only moral one” because of his anxiety causing to have repeated and consistent spirals on-screen. These spirals are not healthy. They don’t indicate his “perfect morals” or make him more moral than anyone else on the SMP. Please stop infantilising people with anxiety, it’s really hurtful.

8. Implying that c!Technoblade is inherently a violent person because of his voices. I’ll admit here: my hallucinations are visual. I do not get auditory hallucinations, and I cannot speak for people who do. But many people have spoken out about this, and discussed how talking about Technoblade as an inherently violent character because of his voices is harmful, and a stereotype of people with schizophrenia.

Technoblade’s character is, in and of itself, inherently a stereotype (despite the fact that his chat are more likely to be a supernatural entity than a symptom of a disorder such as schizophrenia) in that the idea of “hearing voices that encourage violence” is a stereotype of people with schizophrenia. As an actual symptom, is a very uncommon one. More common auditory hallucinations for people with schizophrenia or psychosis are, reportedly, whispers or unrelated conversation. One of my friends hears screaming.

But the issue is with the implication that c!Technoblade is “driven to violence” by the voices. Canonically, he has dealt with the “bloodlust” of chat by grinding withers. He’s perfectly capable of being peaceful, even with “voices pushing for violence”, and he’s perfectly capable of being violent without the “voices” influence. It’s the connotations and the history that fandom has in demonising and villainising c!Technoblade for even having the “voices” in the first place, and acting having them makes him inherently violent and unstable. There’s precedent for that already in society, and it’s not okay to perpetuate it.

[Edit: as of 22/05/2021, I do experience auditory hallucinations, and I can confirm that I am not any more violent, and the voices I hear don’t push me to violence. The clearest one just said ‘click’ in my ear.]

9. Jokes about brain damage and the use of “brainrot” as a term. I made a post about how common jokes about brain damage are here, and I would like to reiterate bits of it.

Jokes like these are really really normalized in modern society. I’m sure a lot of you didn’t even register it as wrong, and that isn’t a moral failing! It’s a norm in society, and that means the majority of people arent going to register it as something hurtful, because it’s said so often. But it does still hurt. The idea of using a disability as an insult is really harmful and it feels dehumanizing, like our disability makes us lesser, something that should be laughed at.

“Brainrot” as a term originated in Skyrim, as a disease that literally rotted your brain. However, as a term, it has very similar connotations to “brain damaged” and has been used in similarly joking and insulting ways. It’s something that feels really off to me and other neurodivergent people to see used by neurotypical people. It even sometimes feels uncomfortable when used by neurodivergent people, even if it’s used in positive ways. I know quite a few people who have removed it from their vocab completely because of the connotations, and I have personally done the same. Once again, I am just asking you to please consider your words before you use them.

10. Calling c!Wilbur during his Pogtopia Arc “Vilbur”. Yes, he was a villain. Yes, he hurt people. But c!Wilbur during the Pogtopia Arc only has one major difference from c!Wilbur during the L’Manburg Arc: a visible depiction of mental illness, specifically paranoia and psychosis. Treating him as a seperate person and calling that seperate person “Vilbur” comes across as extremely hurtful, and contributes to the villainisation of mentally ill people. His mental illness does not excuse him from hurting people, but calling c!Wilbur “Vilbur” upsets a lot of us, because wether or not it’s intended, it feels reductive, hurtful, and insulting.

If you got to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading. I hope that this helped you recognise things that you might not have known were ableist, and that you consider what I’ve said here. I also know that I haven’t addressed everything ableist that’s spread through the MCYT fandom community, so if you’re ND and have something you’d like to add, please feel free.

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neurodivergientqueerthoughts · 3 years

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Introduction

Have you been wondering what ADHD is really like? This will not be biased towards one minority of people who have ADHD. It will be focused on the big picture.

This document will explain the seriousness of ADHD and everything that may come with it. Make sure to do more research into ADHD, as I am not an expert (although I, myself, have ADHD). In this, I go into detail about different aspects of ADHD and why it should not be taken lightly.

What is ADHD?

(Note: Not everyone with ADHD has these symptoms. They can vary from person to person.)

Constant activity going on internally (Hyperactivity)

Hyperfixations

Hyperfocusing

Depression (Co-occurring)

Anxiety (Co-occurring)

Sensory Processing Disorder

Executive Dysfunction

Auditory Processing Disorder (Co-occurring)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Insomnia / Sleep issues

Inability to focus

Difficulty switching tasks

Inability to stick to one task

Mood swings

Difficulty regulating emotions

Choice paralysis

Problems with focusing

Poor impulse control

Trouble recalling things, such as commonly used words

Exhaustion levels

Imposter syndrome

Overwhelm

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload

Understimulation

Memory issues

Motivation issues

Time blindness

Poor sense of time

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (Co-occurring)

Extreme boredom

Going into Detail

Executive Dysfunction/ADHD Paralysis:

A feeling of constantly ‘waiting for something’, without knowing what or why.

Confusion as to how to start or do a task.

A feeling of being completely overwhelmed, even by mundane tasks, to a point of being unable to do the task or function.

A very good description of how this can feel is “a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything… you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re [sitting there] even though you don’t even want to be. It’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton… you’re both uncomfortable and unable to stop.”

This is not the same thing as procrastination or laziness. This occurs with tasks that the person is afraid to do, does not want to do, or even wants to do. Laziness means that a person does not feel like doing something, but they could if they wanted to. Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis can be described as something a person has been trying to do for [insert amount of time between minutes and months/years], but they physically cannot do the task and end up feeling like a failure because of that. It is debilitating.

Hyperfixation/Hyperfocus:

An extreme obsession over something. This can be creating something, finding out everything about something, or just something that creates extreme emotions in somebody.

This obsession can easily become unhealthy as the person may forget to take care of themselves due to it. However, these hyperfixations cause extreme joy or curiosity in the person.

Difficulty switching tasks:

“When you have ADHD, task switching can often be difficult. You might feel like you're stuck in a gear. It might be you're trying to start, and your gears just keep on grinding. Other times you may want to stop but the gear just stays in place because you're hyper-focusing on whatever you're doing.”

Inability to stick to one task:

People with ADHD often have issues with motivation, which leads to many unfinished projects.

If a task does not give a person with ADHD dopamine, they are often unable to complete the task (i.e. homework; chores).

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome:

Instead of having a regular circadian rhythm, with sleeping hours from 11 pm to 7 am, people have an irregular pattern of 2 am to about 10 am.

These times are flexible. However, this means that people with ADHD tend to have issues with falling asleep at a “normal time”.

Extreme boredom:

People with ADHD have issues with dopamine and serotonin.

There are moments when boredom can be painful. People with ADHD can be bored to tears due to extreme emotions and a lack of dopamine.

Time Processing:

If somebody has to leave at 8 am and they wake up at 5:30, they will think that they have two hours or less to get ready. Time seems to pass without a pattern or rhythm.

“Today is Monday, but tomorrow is Tuesday and I have class. After that is Wednesday: I’m having lunch with my mom. Then on Thursday, I have a night class which means it’s basically already Friday and this week is already over.”

Time Blindness:

Not knowing how much time has passed based on their ‘internal clock’; they don’t have one!

Being completely unaware of how much time something will take.

Memory issues:

With ADHD, memory can be greatly affected. Some things will be forgotten very quickly, and some things can be over-remembered.

Difficulty regulating emotions:

“Processing emotions starts in the brain. Sometimes the working memory impairments of ADHD allow a momentary emotion to become too strong, flooding the brain with one intense emotion.” -Thomas Brown, PhD

Brain imaging shows that delayed rewards don’t register for people with ADHD. They are more motivated by the instant gratification that strong emotions deliver.

As a result, a person with ADHD may struggle to deal rationally and realistically with events that are stressful, but not of grave concern.

Motivation issues:

People with ADHD have much lower levels of dopamine than those without ADHD. This causes the brain to constantly crave dopamine.

If a task is not providing the dopamine the brain wants, it will make a person with ADHD less motivated to complete the task, or even start it.

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload:

Information reaching the senses feels like an assault of competing stimuli.

Understimulation:

Outside stimuli are dulled, as if a shade has been pulled over the environment, muting sights, sounds, and touch. These people crave extra stimulation to feel alive.

Exhaustion levels:

Feeling fatigued and tired all the time can actually be related to ADHD. Due to low dopamine levels, people with ADHD can feel exhausted even after getting ample amounts of sleep.

Ironically, people can get bursts of energy from ADHD as well. This can be from hyperactivity or high amounts of dopamine.

Imposter Syndrome:

Feeling like a fraud and doubting your own abilities.

Somebody who is intelligent and who has ADHD can have imposter syndrome towards both. They are not related to each other, but the ways they are portrayed in media causes imposter syndrome.

Auditory Processing Disorder:

Things can take longer to process when somebody hears them than when they see/read them.

The amount or complexity of noise around somebody can affect how they hear things.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:

Extreme anxiety towards being criticized or rejected by others, despite their relationship with the person.

Extreme pain or emotional sensitivity is caused by a sense of ‘rejection’.

Hyperactivity:

This is not always visible, if at all. There is constant activity going on inside of a person’s head when they have ADHD.

This creates difficulty with sleep and relaxation.

If visible, it usually takes the form of fidgeting or stimming.

“Dealing” with ADHD

ADHD cannot be fixed, but some things can help people work with it. The coping mechanisms vary from person to person, and they aren’t always going to work. Getting diagnosed with ADHD is the best step to take before anything else, as trained professionals can help with ADHD symptoms.

It is important to understand that ADHD is a learning and doing disability. It affects every aspect of life, but it isn’t a bad thing! Many things with ADHD can be positive as well. Hyperfocusing can lead to a lot of productivity! Additionally, people with ADHD are known to be more creative and inventive (according to numerous studies). Empathy and compassion are higher in individuals with ADHD. People with ADHD even have a stronger moral compass!

#actually adhd #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #research paper #adhd post #adhd symptoms #adhd things #living with adhd #adhd problems #info #writing #research

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my-darling-boy · 3 years

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Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

#like this isn’t even half of what I want to say #but I’m gonna stop cos this is So Long #no clowns in my inbox pls #long post #ableism #autism #actually autistic #ok to rb

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doberbutts · 2 years

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Wanna see your thoughts on something I saw on TikTok: someone asked an AKC judge educator on their thoughts on allowing mixed breeds in AKC performance events (like agility, ob, etc), and they said that it was a bad idea. Their reasoning was that AKC as an organization is supposed to promote purebred and responsible breeding, and they said that allowing mixed breeds into performance events encouraged people to breed sport mixes in order to compete at high levels. They claim that this goes against the AKC's mission because it put purebreds in a bad light (they talked about newspapers announcing the results of some competition as "mixed breed beats out purebreds", and how that had become the takeaway) and encouraged irresponsible breeding (they talked about how breeding mixes is irresponsible, that the AKC shouldn't encourage it when they're also trying to discourage doodles, and results in unpredictable and unwanted dogs.)

I get what they mean about the AKC needing to uphold and promote purebreds. But from their mission statement, AKC is also trying to protect the "health and well being of all dogs" and positions themselves as advocates for all dogs. So to me, it's not like they're being contradictory by allowing mixed breeds to compete. Though I don't compete in dog sports, so I wanted to see what other people thought.

So without having seen the actual interview I do have to put a disclaimer that I cannot exactly respond to a paraphrased transcript fairly but:

I kind of get what he's saying even though I disagree with some aspects.

I do think a lot of AKC oldtimers, which judges mostly are, are sticks in the mud when it comes to new breeds and purpose-bred mixed breeds. I don't see anything wrong with creating a new breed if current breeds aren't suiting the purpose well enough, and I also think purpose-bred mixed breeds more than have a place in this world and a lot of times there's some inherent classism involved in the rejection of said purpose-bred mixed breeds. Purebred dogs have long been associated with the upper class and, in complete honesty, most AKC oldtimers are upper or upper-middle class. The idea of allowing what's stereotypically a "poor person's dog" to compete alongside a "rich person's dog" has been a point of contention ever since the idea that rich people have better dogs than poor people began to exist, long before kennel clubs and "purebreds" how we currently know them were even a thing.

The AKC is supposed to represent purebreds and responsible breeding, and if people wanted to make a kennel club to track mixed breed dogs' pedigrees and titles and health information etc I think they should do that rather than trying to force the AKC to change their entire mission statement. That being said the AKC does currently allow mixed breed dogs to compete in any and all all-breed competitions outside of conformation, so long as they are spayed or neutered. So it doesn't matter if that judge disagrees or not because that ship has already sailed. Additionally the AKC is also testing a pilot program that allows junior handlers (minors) to learn how to show with their mixed breed dogs as an attempt to make things more fair to disadvantaged juniors that maybe cannot afford a purebred dog or cannot afford multiple dogs while their family already has a dog otherwise classed as "non-showable". The AKC allows this for non-showable purebreds so there wasn't really any good reason to now allow it for mixed breeds either.

However I also hear what he's saying about papers running with the story about how mixed breeds are beating out purebreds. I was just kind of grumbling about this several months ago, hilariously, because a mixed breed dog won a FastCAT and beat out several purebred dogs (which idgaf about tbh I think FastCAT is a stupid sport anyway but that's just me) and there were just a billion headlines being like "MIXED BREED DOG FASTER THAN ALL THESE PUREBREDS" and I get that newspapers and internet articles need attention-grabbing headlines but like. It's a short sprint that's often set up super unsafely and a lot of coursing people including mixed breed lurcher/longdog people really dislike it because it promotes unsafe behavior and can really injure dogs and doesn't really measure anything except "dog runs fast in a straight line", and why does it matter anyway if the dog was mixed breed or purebred? It doesn't measure anything breed-specific and even if a mixed breed was better than purebreds at a breed-specific thing I would argue that it's a matter then of figuring out what that exact mix was and how to replicate it if it wasn't a fluke rather than just promoting the idea that all mixed breeds are better, which a lot of those articles did the latter. It wasn't enough for me to have a public fit about or anything but I was a little peeved to see it and I like mixed breed dogs. So I can understand why someone who does not like mixed breed dogs would not be happy with that type of thing.

I follow a lot of purpose-bred mixed breed people and have debated getting a future dog from one of them. One of the big things I continue to see is that there is always some level of unpredictability in mixing breeds- most of the people I follow have been at it for a while and so have a good rough idea of what they're producing, but even then sometimes it's a "well we'll see what we get" rather than a "I'm expecting to get this", and that might work for some people but it does not work for me, someone who deliberately stacks the deck in my favor to get exactly what I wanted.

I also think that there is some truth to the "unwanted dogs" thing. Like it or not, the majority of shelter dogs are mixed breed and unregistered. The few purebred dogs are also unregistered. Very rarely does a registered dog enter the shelter system and most of the time those dogs get snapped up by breed rescue and their breeders publicly shamed for allowing their dogs/breed to fall into the hands of someone so irresponsible. However I'd also say that purpose-bred mixed breeds from people doing everything right, they just can't register their dogs because, well, mixed breed? Also aren't ending up in shelters. So I don't think papers or purebreeding is the end-all to resolving the problem of unwanted pets, but I do think one has to be careful not to discard the idea entirely when the AKC and the various breed clubs are trying to promote good breeding practices in order to cut down on breed fads and irresponsible owners and breeders that treat their female dogs like baby factories. I don't agree that mixed breeding is inherently irresponsible but I would also say that there is likely a reason the majority of shelter dogs are not purebred and it's at least partially because the breed clubs are trying to pure in protections for their breeds to keep them from contributing to the problem, whereas mixed breed dogs have no breed clubs and thus no oversight.

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saberstars · 3 years

Text

I'm Here

Pairing: Gender Neutral Y/N & Loki

Fluff, angst, implied smut

Warnings: Mentions of depression/mental illness, epilepsy/seizures, mentions of sex, as always if I missed anything feel free to let me know

Summary: Loki & You have a pre-existing friendship with benefits & one night you have a seizure after some spiciness. He cares for you helping you afterwards & makes sure you rest easy & safe. Reader is portrayed to have seizures more so during changes in sleep phases, not awake. The wake seizures or more of a medium ish absence/ focal aware seizure that only occur on occasion & can be “fought” through.

Word Count: 1796

Notes: This was intended to be a gender neutral reader. I think I removed all he/she pronouns.

Additionally, I know that not everyone experiences seizures the same way, and that epilepsy can affect people differently. This is all written from my experiences with it, so I ask that you do not tell me I portrayed something wrong. I can and will accept constructive criticism, But I will not accept someone telling me blatantly that I am wrong with my experiences. Therefore please keep that in mind when reading. I genuinely hope this fic brings others comfort if you suffer from epilepsy or any disorder that causes seizures. Thank You <3

It’s been three years since you found out you suffered from epilepsy. A diagnosis that came late in your life to be fair. As a young child up until you reached adulthood, you suffered from eye shakes that would eventually turn into stuttering spells that made it difficult to breath or not breath properly at all. You never passed out though, you got close a few times, but you managed to stay awake and “fight it off.” You started to notice over time that you’d also get a strange taste in your mouth, almost like metal or as if you were sucking on a battery and it had that zing flavor. You knew that was a precursor and would panic on cue rightfully so. You hated when you had your mini stutter fests because all you could do was hope it didn’t happen.

Of course you complained to your parents as a child but they didn’t think it was anything. They said it was just a panic attack. So you took their word for it. That was until you started having grand mals in your sleep. At first you thought they were just a part of some strange dream, that wasn't real to you, not yet anyway. You would wake up exhausted, sore, sometimes unable to move properly, walk, open and close a fist, and you just overall couldn't stay conscious sometimes. Again you complained to your parents about it, but they said it was nothing. You probably had night terrors or some form of minor sleep paralysis. So you dumbly believed them.

When you moved out, You sought answers, and eventually got them. You were grateful. The medication they prescribed helped tremendously though, it did make you tired but it was worth not having your episodes. Thankfully your case wasn’t as severe as others and it was manageable so long as you took care of yourself and took your medications. Though you were warned, breakthroughs were common, and missing your dose can and would cause a seizure.

Despite having such a diagnosis, you kept it to yourself. You never really told anyone. It wasn’t until you started sleeping with a friend, that you finally divulged your secret too in the event that it ever happened whilst they were with you.

It was someone you randomly slept with on and off with. A friend with benefits, his name was Loki. You had met the god shortly after his father had passed and his home, destroyed. You found comfort with each other despite it being more of a sexual comfort. You both used sex as a way to fight your own demons, a distraction, a quick grab at serotonin. Despite the sex you both developed a very deep friendship. You’d read together on occasion, have very interesting debates on current events, history, as well as other nuances, and a lot of other things. You even met his brother and the avengers at one point.

You both slept soundly after spicy events had taken place 2 hours prior, Loki had come over desperate for attention of any kind. He didn’t say why, but you knew it was a rather serious topic he wished not to discuss and rather lessen the pain with ecstasy. Little did you know, on this day a few years ago he indirectly murdered his mother. He blamed himself dearly, he knew if he would have kept his mouth shut for once in his life she may be here today. So he needed a genuine distraction. One of any kind. Preferable you. Due to the spicy events that took place you missed your dose, due to falling asleep promptly after, which cost you dearly. Missing doses always caused this to happen no matter what.

You gasped for air like usual, your body contorting outwards first with a thrust. You were awake, conscious, and terrified for the few seconds you normally were given before blacking out. You began to stutter violently all the air leaving your lungs as it happened. Until no sounds were made and it was just you chattering. Loki woke immediately, with a completely calm exterior despite a raging mixture of emotions internally. He knew you never called an ambulance for these things because you were normally alone & unaware until you became conscious again. She made him promise to never call 911 unless it was over a certain time length, to save her medical expenses, or unless she stopped breathing for good.

Loki dare not touch you though as you shook and curled up. The last thing he wanted was his godly strength to crush you somehow or cause you more pain. Instead he watched and hovered until you finally stopped. It was a short 50 second one, which was under your time limit, but he still debated calling. It’s not like You would’ve known he lied.

His breathing hitched as he went to check your pulse and airway, ever so delicately, which were both clear and strong.

“Oh thank you.” he whispered

A few hours had slid by with still no response from you. Loki sat next to you, staring down at you, to the point where he would fight the urge to blink, waiting for a stir of some kind from you. He did give the courtesy of redressing you though, in a nightgown from a drawer after an hour slid past. He even went as far as ensuring that you were adequately covered by the blankets to avoid being chilled. It has been 3 ½ hours now, with no stir of any kind from you. He knew it would be awhile before you showed any signs of movement possibly but this worry tore him to his core. In the midst of waiting he refused to just idly go back to sleep next to you, he was determined to stay awake until you were conscious again, so that you knew, he stayed there waiting for you. Loki didn’t know when he found himself talking to you as if you were awake, but all he knew was that it made him feel a bit better, and he hoped that when you woke it would make you feel better too.

“You know, I’ve been reading this really dumb gothic romance novel. I think you’d like it because of how naive the girl is. I know you like to criticize and pick on how they make decisions.” he spoke with a chuckle in his voice thinking back to how you’d flail your arms and drop your book to scream about how dumb some main protagnist could be.

“I'll have to buy you a copy or give you mine when I’m done.” Loki shifted his weight from his right to his left brushing your bangs out of your eyes.

“I don’t know why you keep those so long, all they do is get in the way of your gorgeous eyes.”

It was in that moment you rustled, you shifted your neck ever so slightly, Your eyelids twitch. Loki leaned forward parting his lips as he watched with a heart of hope completely overwhelmed with joy when he saw the color of your iris’s. He exhaled a shaky breath cupping your cheeks which caused you to flinch sending a wave of shocks through your body. It was at that moment you knew. You knew what he saw, what he had gone through. Your heart sank and you immediately berated yourself internally despite your exhausted state.

“It’s ok you don’t have to say or do anything. I’ll stay, I’ll take care of you for as long as you need.” Loki assured you, wanting you to know that you didn’t have to go through this alone. You never really had anyone stay, let alone worry about you. Your eyes began to water as tears rolled down your face.

“I’ll go grab you some water, you’re probably parched. I’ll also grab you a banana. I read that potassium can help with the cramping.” Loki said leaving to yourself for a moment. He also grabbed tissues for your eyes and nose just in case. Upon returning her placed everything at your side offering help to sit up. “Do you need to use the bathroom or help sitting up?” He asked with a gentle tone.

You nodded trying to take a good deep breath so you could speak a bit. “I’m so sorry you had to see that… but thank you. Thank you for staying, for helping. I do need the bathroom and I would appreciate help. My legs are still...” you mustered out with all your might but after a point your tongue refused to work with you.

“Of course, I may be a monster but I’m not entirely cruel. If it helps… you can just think to yourself and I can listen that way. So that you're not struggling too much.” Loki admitted with a tone of self depreciation.

“You're not a monster just because you're different & have made mistakes.” you thought as Loki picked you up bridal style walking you to the bathroom. Of course he placed you down on the toilet and waited outside for you to do what you needed. Since he had only added a nightgown to your previously naked body it made things easier. It was exhausting to just sit up and do everything but you pushed through. You even pushed yourself up and limped to the sink best you could to wash your hands. Upon hearing the faucet though Loki came back in standing behind you offering support if needed.

“Catch me~” you thought before falling back into his arms with a snort.

“You're lucky I have godlike reflexes you minx.” He replied with a hint of flirtation. You had used more than you had in you to wash your hand. Loki caught you obviously and carried you back to the room placing you back on the bed. “No, more like I knew you were ready to catch me.” you slowly thought as exhaustion tugged at your consciousness again. Loki noticed the pill bottle on your dresser before prompting you to take it. Instinctively opening it and sliding one into his hand.

“You should probably take this before you fall asleep.” You took it mentally saying thanks drinking the glass of water with it.

“Yeah that would probably help avoid some added breakdancing.” You joked trying to use humor to lighten the situation. Loki stared plain faced trying not to entertain your joke though, despite finding it secretly witty. Maybe he’d laugh at it when you felt a bit better. Soon after you began to dance between awake and sleep. Loki took note based on how your thoughts jumbled around between multiple things, laughing to himself a bit before minor intrusive fears began picking at you. Loki immediately jumped into action in an attempt to squash them soothing you a bit.

“You can sleep soundly, please get some rest. You don’t have to force yourself to stay awake out of fear or guilt.” Loki spoke in the most caring and sweet tone he could muster up. Trying to convince you that it was going to be ok & it worked. Somehow you knew he was right & that you could trust him completely. You drifted back to sleep peacefully thinking about how for the first time in your life, you didn’t fear sleeping in your bed. You didn’t have intrusive thoughts about whether or not you’d wake up in the morning or not. Which honestly brought tears bubbling their way up and out of Loki's eyes. The amount of trust you had in him in your thoughts, at that moment completely took his breath away. And that was something he wasn’t going to break or ever lose.

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ghostietea · 3 years

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Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

#fruits basket #akito sohma #tohru honda #saki hanajima #machi kuragi #hatsuharu sohma #actually autistic #meta

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