#and it makes sense but wow retrospect is a thing and it hits hard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

camxnoel-updates · 3 years

Text

Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!

The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.

Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.

I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.

So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?

Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.

So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.

What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?

It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”

So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.

Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?

Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.

I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.

I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.

Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.

Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.

How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?

I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.

At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.

So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?

I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.

I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.

Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?

I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”

But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.

Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?

Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.

Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?

Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.

There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.

Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?

Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.

Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.

Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.

Did you take anything from the set at all?

I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.

Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?

I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.

There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.

Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?

Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.

Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.

Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?

Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.

#LOVED THIS #cameron monaghan #shameless #shameless us #ian gallagher #gallavich #noel fisher #mickey milkovich #jerome valeska #the joker #gotham #jeremiah valeska #mr j #cal kestis #jedi fallen order #star wars

158 notes · View notes

gale-gentlepenguin · 3 years

Text

Gale Reviews: ML Season 4, Episode 16 Hack san:

Before anyone asks. Yes I know this is usually up sooner. But I am taking Weekdays off from tumblr for a while.

My Live Reaction and Spoilers below

_____________________________________________________________

Marinette is trying to get out of the trip. And her father is not having it.

-Wow the aunt sounds awful, IF TOM is talking smack

-Tom fears the aunt

-Marinette is Really trying hard. Gotta respect the hustle

-TOM REALLY DOESN’T WANT TO BE ALONE WITH THE AUNT

-Gabriel is studying Markov, The Kwami fear it

-I F***ING LOVE NOOROO! If Gabriel loses! We can be free!

-DID SHADOWMOTH JUST CREATE X.A.N.A!!!! THAT’S F***ING X.A.N.A!

-SHADOWMOTH YOU DOOMED US ALL!’

-All the couples are sitting together

-Kim thinks he can do 1000 push ups that fast. Either Kim is an absolute unit. Or a himbo

-Markov is just so smart he is kicking ass at chess and revolutionizing Science

-ALYNINO KISS not a drill I repeat! Not a drill! We got a lip kiss!

-Nino is way too chill with that.

-Sabine thinks Marinette trying to ditch. And now marinette feels bad

-This episode shouldn’t exist. MARINETTE HAS THE HORSE MIRACULOUS!

-Did Marinette just forget she could warp back to paris with the horse? I mean, Don’t get me wrong, I am fine with the episode idea. But this kind of makes this whole thing kind of dumb in retrospect. (Granted I know she gets captured so NOT really. But Marinette is marinette and if she had her miraculous probably could have worked a way out of it.)

-Trixx is a salty bean

-Alya prepping names

-Trixx REALLY jelly. I love it

-Tikki actually being a good encourager for Alya

-Alya now is paranoid about there being an akuma so now she is trying to help with EVERYTHING! I wonder how this will back fire

-Nino is concerned

-Marinette sending tips to Alya. Tip number 33. Just OUCH Marinette. Like I do think you are making him happy but ouch.

-Tom trying to find ways of getting out of the visit. Sabine is like “I know dear”

-Side note, Shadowmoth actually made a clever Sentimonster. I will give him points on that.

-NO MARKOV! THE CAT IS A TRAP!

-aND HE GOT HACKED

-Markov roasting everyone

-Alya is panicking. Understandable. So this is what marinette has to struggle through EVERY DAY…. Damn

-Trixx is an absolute salty bitch today. And I love it

-And now Markov gets akumatized again.

-Because Shadowmoth is a d***

-Markov is like “You d***! Fine I will help.”

-Oh! So that’s how the power works

-Nath and Marc confirmed weebs

-Daww, Max’s prize possession is the back up of his best buddy

-TIP 675. Marinette calm down girl. Also why is that the LAST ONE

-Marinette and Tom are the same

-OH NO, THE MOST PRECIOUS THING TO HER PARENTS IS HER!

-The Bug?

-She is trying different names! Lady luck is better

-Chat noir arrives

-Chat noir is SUS of the new bug! Which to be fair is reasonable

-Damn right into the chimney

-Look I know Chat noir is aggro and all but two things. 1. He is right to be sus. 2. How did he lose? Like Alya hasn’t even used the ladybug miraculous before? Is chat noir really that incompetent?

-Like I know its cause plot. But they could have had Alyabug be clever about taking him down instead of just beating his butt. Makes no sense. Like Experience wise and combat wise Chat noir has the advantage. (its anti bug all over again)

-So she convinced him by explaining that she said she would go along and laugh at his joke. Damn. That’s cold.

-Scarabella? Meh

-Damn! Adrien is Catty today. I love it

-NOT MY FAVORITE CROQUETTES! Even pissed he can make a joke. Chat noir is peak professionalism

-Side note, respect the fact that he could have TOTALLY looked to see who this rando was. But didn’t.

-Okay so yea, I am convinced Marinette didn’t need to hand over the ladybug miraculous. She was hidden for long enough to have transformed and warped to paris.

-And now SABINE tagged her

-So Robustus is changing strategy.

-Chat noir point out things are sus and Being right. Good on the episode for giving him that one.

-Chat noir is perceptive this episode

-Justice spots! Maybe we will get her real name sooner or later

-Shadowmoth calling alya out. DAMN

-Robustus is hilarious

-Chat noir being the serious one? Shocking

-So Scarabella is what their sticking with? I can live with that

-Chat noir giving the pep talk. This. This is what I wanted. Chat noir being the encouraging partner. (I can overlook that lame physical fight between them now)

-Damn Alya is clever

-She nailed the weakpoint

-DAMN! SCARABELLA JUST FOUND THE WIN BUTTON WITH THAT PLOY!!

-Shadowmoth should have listened to the robot.

-Marinette VISION!

-FRYING PAN! Marinette wins

-So that’s how they won

-Scarabella de-evilizing

-Marinette’s Laugh is adorable

-Alya telling her to talk with Chat noir. VERY IMPORTANT

-He wasn’t mad that she told someone her identity. He was sad that one day she could not be ladybug and that he would never see her again. Y'all SALTERS DONT DESERVE MY BOY.

-okay that last scene F***ING Hit me.

_____________________________________________________________

I did really enjoy the episode.

Despite the rough intro of Chat noir with Scarbella, the episode did show off why Chat noir is a great partner. And I appreciate that. I also loved Scarbella’s plan. Solid plan. The last few minutes hit hard. And despite the sweet moment, we know s*** is gonna hit hard. It also makes Rocketear and Wishmaker hit so much harder.

So yea. 8.5/10

I am still annoyed at how easily Scarbella kicked Chat noir’s butt. (the competence of chat noir’s fighting ability is ridiculously inconsistent) BUT the main thing I wanted from the episode was there, that Chat noir showed why he is the heart of the team. And THAT is the part that mattered.

#ml #ml spoilers #hack-san #scarabella #alya!ladybug #alya cesaire #chat noir #ladybug #adrien agreste

125 notes · View notes

cooliogirl101 · 3 years

Text

Continuing off my last post, the sad thing is, after the whole Shamal getting sick incident, he tried so, so hard to just...not be attracted to her. And sure, he stopped hitting on her partly out of a sense of gratitude and burgeoning respect but also because he was like nope, nope, nope, if I let myself see her in even a remotely romantic way, I’m fucked. Nope, from now on she’s just a classmate, nothing else, our relationship is going to be purely professional.

Anyway yeah, that backfired because Nana was like hey, now that he’s not being a repulsive, perverted creep, he can actually be pretty insightful and he’s been coming up with some really good ideas for our projects, cool let’s talk more about this. And it’s not like he could avoid her-- they were partners after all, they had to work together.

(And if a tiny, minuscule part of him that felt thrilled that she was the one seeking him out for once...well, that was only a very small part of the reason why he’d never tried very hard to avoid her).

At some point, it becomes pretty difficult to categorize their relationship as “purely workplace acquaintances” but he rationalizes that it couldn’t hurt to be friends. He had lots of friends (okay, he had some friends. A few) and he’d never fallen in love with any of them. There was no reason he should develop feelings for Nana Fujiwara either, no matter how brilliant and creative and hardworking and compassionate and wholeheartedly selfless and fiercely devoted to her friends and dedicated to doing the right thing she was. Right?

Four months before graduation, Nana surprises him on his birthday with a mosquito plushie the size of a dinner plate (“Custom-designed, because apparently not many parents want their kids walking around hugging giant, blood-sucking parasites”), two bottles of his favorite Italian wine, a large pizza (“Don’t worry, I left off the pineapple this time, just for you”), enough tiramisu to feed a dozen people, and about twenty movies shoved into a backpack. Shamal wakes up the next day on his couch with a pounding headache, a horrible neck cramp, and Nana’s head resting in his lap.

He looks down at Nana’s sleeping face. She’s dressed in her favorite pajamas (aka an XXL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt she’d won at a raffle contest), her hair is a mess, she has dried drool on her face, and she’s clutching Shamal’s new mosquito plushie to her chest like a toddler with their favorite toy. There should’ve been absolutely nothing romantic or sexy about this situation.

Shamal closes his eyes.

I’m in trouble.

(In retrospect, he’d probably been doomed from the moment Nana looked down at the guy who’d just vomited all over her and decided, I’m not leaving until I make sure he’s okay. It had just taken him another four years to realize it.)

“Nana, do you have a moment?” Shamal asked.

“Sure, what’s up?” Nana asked, looking up from her book. At the sight of him, her eyes widened slightly. “Wow, look at you, all dressed up! And I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve seen you shave,” she teased. “Was starting to think you didn’t have a razor.”

“Had to dig around for it but I found it in the end,” Shamal replied, mouth curving up into a slight smile.

“So what’s the occasion?” Nana inquired. “It’s not every day I see you wear a suit.”

“No, but I wanted to look good for--” He looked away, cheeks tinted a slight pink. “Never mind.”

“Okay, now I’m really curious. What’s going on?” Nana asked. Shamal took a deep breath.

“Nana, I was wondering if--” He was cut off by the phone ringing. Shamal exhaled, a look of frustration crossing his face, before reaching over to pick the phone up.

“What is it?” He asked impatiently, then paused. “Yeah she’s here, who is this?”

There was another, more prolonged pause, and then Shamal handed the phone over to her, a curiously blank look on his face.

“He says he’s your...husband,” Shamal stated in a strange voice, expression unreadable. His gaze flickered to her left hand. “I didn’t know you were married.”

“What?” Nana asked, bewildered. She then let out an exasperated sigh as she raised the phone to her ear and was promptly greeted by the sound of Iemitsu’s slightly panicked voice asking her how she would put out a grease fire that had consumed half the kitchen, hypothetically of course.

“Sorry, I should take this,” she apologized. “I’ll talk to you later?”

Shamal didn’t respond for a moment. Then he smiled, hair falling over his eyes as he ducked his head.

“Of course,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Nana.”

#solar flame au

64 notes · View notes

supercorpkid · 3 years

Text

The sun can fuck right off

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader

Word count: 2795.

You are bored. Extremely, painfully bored. Kara and Lena are at work, Jamie is busy with Rao knows what, and Maya can’t come to your house, because her mom is the worst. So, you are bored with no idea what to do.

You also have been feeling like you need some adventures. It’s not like you got the taste for it, but every time you look at your picture with Wanda in another dimension, you just think about how great you felt protecting the world, and you just want that feeling again.

You’re not praying for trouble to come around, but when you hear a yell somewhere in the city, you also don’t complain about it. In fact, you suit up in a flash and you’re out of the house before any person can blink.

In retrospect, going out to fight bad guys without not even a heads up to your momma, or aunt Alex was a bad idea. You weren’t expecting a real villain, to be honest. Maybe some punks messing up with the city, or maybe even a fire, but definitely not a full grown-up man in a high-tech suit of armor, hitting the town with shockwaves.

You try flying closed-fist towards him at full speed, but are met with a strong shockwave before you get to him. You fall on the floor feeling a little dizzy, but you’re strong enough to get up. At least you called his attention, and he stopped terrorizing the city for a moment, to focus on you. You try flying again. You fall again. You try using your super speed, no use. Can’t get close to him without feeling an electric wave running through your veins.

Shit. Ok. Time to get serious. You shoot him with your heat vision. He is taken aback, but it doesn’t cause much damage to him, because he stomps his foot causing a mini earthquake. Not enough to destroy anything, but enough to be felt. You fly around cleaning the area for anyone who just might happen to be passing by. It wasn’t a big earthquake, but it was enough to get the DEO’s attention, and you hear when aunt Alex yells directions at the tactic team. You just have to hold him back, there is a team coming your way to help now.

Apparently, the only thing that can hold him back is your heat vision, so you try that again. Stronger. Totally focused on this one thing. You can feel heat running through your veins, like you’ve never felt before. You’ve never held your heat vision for so long and so strongly. But you know his armor is taking a big damage, so you power through. You can’t stop, not now, not when you’re so close to defeating him.

But you feel weak. You feel your legs giving in. And your body feels dry-up from energy. You hope his armor breaks before this breaks you.

When you hear DEO cars arriving at the scene, you give one final push, and hear a crack on his armor. That’s enough to make him fall on the ground and the tactic team runs to cuff him.

He isn’t the only one on the ground, though. You also feel weak, like you overused your powers. You can hear Alex’s voice somewhere close, so you know you’re safe and she’s got you. But you made the mistake of not calling Supergirl once and you’re not doing it again. Before you pass out, you press the emergency button on your watch. Just then you can let go.

You wake up, well-aware of where you are. How many times have you been in the DEO infirmary bed, under yellow sun lamps? It’s starting to look like a real thing in your life now.

“National City’ savior, everybody!” You hear your aunt's voice when you open your eyes. She comes closer with a smile on her face. “Why and how, and most importantly, Wow, kiddo.”

“Super hearing.” It’s your only response, and you look around, looking for your moms. “How badly hurt am I?”

“Not at all.” She holds your arm, and you sit on the bed, with her help. “What happened is that you got solar flared.”

“Huh?”

“You are aware your cells accumulate solar energy.” Alex says and you agree with a nod. “Well, let’s say they can soak up an absurd amount of energy, and every time you use your powers you use a little of that. It’s very hard to use ALL of that in one fight, but you just did.”

“Ok. Makes sense. So I have to soak up as much sunlight as I can?” You ask, aware that you probably need to stay out in the sun making ‘photosynthesis’ like you do, every time you get hurt.

“Yeah. That should work.” She pats your shoulder lightly, but you still feel the weight of her hands on your body. “Until then, you’re pretty much a human being. So be careful.”

“I pressed the watch.” You’re trying not to be too obvious about how upset you are that Kara didn’t show up, but Alex seems to read you easily.

“Oh, she brought you in, and went to pick Lena up, they should be arriving at any time now.” Alex says and you breathe in relief. What a superhero you are. Save the city, but still want your moms to pick you up from a fight.

“Is she ok?” Lena rushes in, talking to Alex, but then she turns to you and sees you sitting on the bed. “You’re ok.” She hugs you, and her hand goes to your hair. “You’re ok, baby. You’re ok.”

It feels so good to feel the weight of her arms around you, so you hug her back, hiding your face on her collarbone, and Lena’s hands just pull you in closer to her.

“Does anything hurt?” She asks, putting her chin on the top of your head, and you smile at the scene, at the feeling, and at the amazingness of the moment. You let go of her, and deny with your head. Kara comes to you, putting her hand on your shoulder.

“You called.” She says that with the biggest smile on her face, like you just did the most awesome thing in your life. “You stopped Shockwave all by yourself, and then you called me to go get you.”

“I did.” You smile back. “And I got solar flared, and I’m human now.”

“Oh, I once got solar flared too!” Kara raises her hand at you, and you guys high-five. “Being without your powers is not fun, but I’m so proud of you, little one! You have no idea!” It’s her time to hug you, and she does it a little too strong. You don’t complain though, is amazing that you can even feel it.

“Well, she is free to go.” Aunt Alex says, and you jump from the bed. It feels so weird. You’re feeling heavy, like Earth gravity finally caught up to you, and you feel like you weigh 200 pounds.

Sure you were once without your powers, but you couldn’t really enjoy this feeling of being human. Back then, you couldn’t really walk, because your leg was hurt, and when you did, you had a cast on. So this now, feels like being human for the first time since you were a little kid without powers.

You look at Kara with a smile on your face. “Race ya to the way out.”

And running you go, at a normal speed, and when you get there, you’re sweating and out of breath and feeling light-headed from the effort. You bend down, putting your hands on your thighs for support. Kara holds your arm, looking very worried.

“That was awesome!” You manage to say, while still trying to breathe and she laughs at you.

“You are aware that everyone in the DEO just saw you running like a freak on the corridors, right?” Kara asks, with a playful smile on her lips, and you open a big one to her.

“I know. But they all know I can take them down if I want to, so I don’t think they’ll say anything about it.” You finally stand up again, and open your arms to her. “I would like a ride home, please.”

“Sure thing, my little human.” Kara holds you, and fly home with you holding her tight. Feeling a little scared that you could fall and not be able to protect yourself. You feel a light rain starting to fall, and you look up with a smile. How great is this day?

Kara lands in the backyard, and you open your arms feeling the rain on your skin. She smiles, looking at you like you’re an alien who just now landed on Earth, and it’s experiencing things for the first time.

“Ok, go inside and get dry, and I’m going to pick up your mom before it starts raining harder.”

Kara leaves, but you don’t go inside. You’re so static that you were actually able to stop that villain -without help this time, may you add-, that the rain feels like a payment for it.

“Get inside, come on. Come on.” You hear Lena’s voice and you look behind you to see her with her suit jacket over her head. She comes to you, shielding you from the rain -like you’re not already completely soaked-, and walks with you inside from the backyard door. “Go take a shower and get out of those wet clothes before you come up with a cold.”

“A cold!” You say, like it’s the most exciting thing in the world. “Have I ever had a cold before? What is it like?”

“It’s no fun.” Lena looks at your excited face, and Rao, how well this woman can read you. It’s impressive. “Absolutely not! You are not getting a cold to feel how it is. Go take a hot shower now, and get yourself into warm clothes.” You pout at her. “I will throw you under the shower if I have to.”

“Fine.” The pouting is over at the sound of that. “I’m not getting a cold!”

But it seems that the universe has other plans for you.

“Come on, babygirl. School. Let’s go.” Lena opens the door in the morning. You try to open your eyes, but it feels incredibly hard to do so. You didn’t even wake up yet, and you can feel the most horrible headache.

“Mom. Don’t freak out.” Your voice comes out small and hoarse, and that’s all it takes for Lena to understand what’s going on.

“Please don’t tell me-” She comes closer, and you feel her hand on your forehead. “My God, you’re burning up.”

“I am?” You ask, pushing the blankets up your body. “Then why am I so cold?”

“Because you have a fever, babygirl.” Lena lets out a sigh, and you just wait until she says ‘I told you so’. But that never comes. “KARAAAA! GET THE TERMOMETER!”

It’s five seconds later when you see Kara showing up at your bedroom door. She gives it to Lena, who quickly takes your temperature and sighs at the number on the screen.

“You’ve got a high fever. What else are you feeling?” Lena asks, and you feel the mattress dipping next to you, and Kara coming closer.

“Headache. And for some reason my legs and arms hurt. Like-” You look at Kara, with wide eyes. “They actually hurt, you know?”

“Well, my love, that’s one of the symptoms.” Kara smiles fondly at you. She looks amazed at the fact that her daughter came up with a cold in the first place. “So, she’s not going to school today.”

“Absolutely not.” Lena says, picking up her cell phone from her pocket. “I’ll call the principal and let her know.” She looks back at you with a flat smile. “At least now we’ll prove to them that you’re an actual human being.”

“Yay!” You cough after such effort. “Silver lining.”

“I’ll go get something for you to eat.” She leaves the room and you look at Kara.

“I’m not hungry.” You think about it for a second and your eyes widen. “Momma! I’m not hungry! Am I dying?”

“Don’t even joke about it.” Kara throws her arms around you and gets comfortable next to you.

“Don’t you have work to attend to?” You ask, trying to do an eyebrow raise, but it hurts so badly you give up midway.

“Work?” She laughs like it’s the most absurd question you’ve ever asked her. You know it can’t be, because you once asked her how fast you had to run for your skin to warm up, like a spacecraft heats up when reentering the atmosphere and catches on fire -to which she replied a solid ‘huh?’-. “I can’t possibly go to work with you sick like this.”

“I’m not that sick. I have a common cold.”

“Shhh. They don’t need to know that.” Kara smiles, and takes her phone out of her pocket. She is typing and saying her message out loud, you know, like old peps do. “Can’t go in today. My daughter has come up with something and I have to stay in and watch her.”

You want to call her a liar, but you also want to thank her for staying with you. So instead, you settle for a smile, and for holding her hand. Lena walks in a while later with food in a tray for you.

“Ok, so I called your school and explained your absence, and I also called my assistant to let her know I’m not coming in today and-” She looks at Kara, already under the covers with you, and furrows her brows. “Don’t you have to go to work?”

Kara gives her a sheepish smile. “Guess we had the same idea.”

“Guess we did. Come on baby, let's get something inside you.” She helps you up, and you sit on your bed. You eat what she brought, and when you’re done, they help you lay back in bed. “Make space for me?”

Kara pulls you closer, and Lena lays on the other side of the bed, dropping her shoes on the floor with loud thuds.

“Rao, that hurts so much.” You wince at the sound, closing your eyes. “Can we all be very, very quiet?” You ask, and add a little later. “Oh, and in the dark?”

“Oh, my love, do you have a migraine too?” Lena whispers, kissing your forehead. “Kara, go get her a cloth, please.”

You barely feel the bed moving and Kara’s already laying down again. She blows a little of her freeze breath in it, and places it on your forehead. You also notice they had turned off the lights, and you doze back to sleep sandwiched between your moms.

You wake up much later. Kara is snoring next to you, arm over your body, making it impossible for you to move, and Lena is sitting on your desk, silently working in the dark. You smile at the scene.

“Mom.” You call her, and she stops what she is doing to go to you.

“Hey, babygirl. Listen, you have to drink lots of fluids to keep yourself hydrated.” Lena hands you a bottle of water. “How’s the migraine?”

“A little better?” You say, truthfully. She nods, putting her hand on your head to check for your fever.

“You’re sweaty. I think your fever is down. You should go take a shower.” Lena says and you just point at Kara’s arms and she knows exactly what you mean. “I always get trapped under her arms too. Let me just-” She scratches the back of Kara’s neck, and instantly her arms move and you’re free to go. “Here.” Lena gives you a hand and you sit on the bed with her help.

“I have to tell you something.” You whisper, still holding her hand. “I don’t really like the cold. You can say I told you so.”

Lena kisses your head, and lets out a chuckle. “I didn’t think you would, but I guess you had to see it for yourself. I’m glad you didn’t like it though; you’ll probably never catch it again.”

“I hope not.”

Despite absolutely hating the feeling of being sick, you look around and things are still pretty good in your life. When Kara wakes up, she wraps you up in blankets like a ‘sick burrito’, and moves you to the couch to watch your favorite movie with them. Sure, you’re surrounded with tissue papers, water bottles, and cold medicine. But you’re also surrounded with love. And that is the best thing you can wish for on a Wednesday afternoon.

Notes:

So it seems a lot of you wanted a sick fic. For this one I have to thank @beepbop122 for the solar flared idea for Superkid to get sick. Then @asiangmrchk13 asked for Supercorp taking care of her and a little bit of Alex in the middle. Also @youngjusticeimaginesus asked me for Superkid get a migraine and I think the basic idea was being cared by Kara and Lena, so I hope this works. And I threw in a fight scene for myself. I hope you all enjoy it, thank you so much!

#supergirl #kara danvers #supercorp #supercorpfamily #lena luthor #supercorp daughter #kara x lena #kara x reader #supercorp fanfic #lena x reader #reader insert

146 notes · View notes

liquidstar · 3 years

Note

I love re:zero so please feel comfortable sharing your thoughts because even if no one else does I sure as hell will enjoy them

oh i genuinely love it too i think its fun (in terms of the story from an outside perspective, not what happens in it, subaru is very clearly not having a fun time) i like the characters and the themes a lot, my personal favorite is the whole theme of "perception of the self through the other" which is like so prevalent in it (but really laid on thick in arc 6 and gluttony:if). and im the type of person that LOVES series and characters i can analyze into bits, i honestly could write an entire novel on that shit. that and part of my enjoyment of it probably does come from a bias of having enjoyed it with my brother tho bc it was fun watching it w him

its a weird show to talk abt tho bc of the association it has with all those weird nerdboys who completely missed the fact that the series is a critique of them because they were too busy jerking off to rem :/ like omg i like the show a lot but i hope to god no one lumps me in with that bunch bc of it 😭 not that i dont think the series doesnt have its fair share of flaws in that regard either, i still am critical of it and all that. and i can totally understand why some people would not have the tolerance for certain stuff in it, both in terms of its issues and its more gruesome moments, so its not a series i recomend to everyone.

still i legitimately love all the characters in it a lot and i think theyre what i enjoy about it the most. the entire emilia camp (save for rosewal. he knows what he did.) just owns my heart honestly. like, i cant even tell you for certain which my favorite is because i love them all. even garfiel who i thought was annoying at first (but then we find out hes actually an 8th grader so everything about him makes sense in retrospect). or ram who i think is totally underrated compared to rem like they both rock equally. and emilia after her character development in arc 4 and frozen bonds, she didnt shine a lot in season 1 but season 2 literally gave her like 90 minutes straight of backstory and development and now i completely understand subaru's willingness to throw away his life for her, i would too.

even subaru whos meant to be unlikable at first totally won me over, because he legitimately grew as a person. and i think the fact that we got his backstory in arc 4 was the PERFECT timing for it, because if we got it at the beginning it would have either been seen as an excuse to justify his behavior (which thankfully the series paints as explicitly in the wrong) or wouldnt hit as hard because youre not meant to like him. but after seeing him cry with his mom and dad youre just like wow hes literally just a kid, like, hes only 17. the trial is absolutely what finally got me to be a subaru fan lol. even before that there were things i liked abt him tho like how he cared about the village kids and how he was able to see rem's individuality. he was never a bad person at heart he just had some of that good ol fashion toxic masculinity early on and im glad he got over it and learned to not see people (esp women) as characters... now if only the nerdboys watching would do that too.

16 notes · View notes

avauntus · 3 years

Text

Supernatural - a retrospective

This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*

But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*

Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)

My top five

#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”

Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’)

I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.

#4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”

Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter

Supernatural has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.

I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue*

#3 - 6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”

Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund

Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.

I mean, look at this:

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”

“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”

The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level.

#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough

I think of this episode every time I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying.

“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.

#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”

Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners

So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people.

But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?

Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.

Others--

15.18 - “Despair”

“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”

Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.

You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...

Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.

This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn��t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...

...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.

I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.

This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.

Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”

6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”

“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)

Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.

Then they never returned to that idea again.

“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?

Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?

Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.

Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)

Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?

#spn #supernatural #meta #review

4 notes · View notes

hearttstopper · 4 years

Note

“i have a lot of thoughts about this too especially with the whole watermelon sugar/nameless thing” pls miss britt share ur thoughts id love to hear them

This got so long. I’m really sorry. My thoughts about HS2/In Watermelon Sugar/a bunch of other random stuff under the cut.

These are all thoughts that are only vaguely connected, and stuff that I’m sure has been said a hundred times before mixed with a ton of my own personal conjecture, so please bear that in mind… This is just like total rambling from me.

But I have been fascinated with Harry’s connections to In Watermelon Sugar since we first heard the stupid rumors about the song. Especially the quote from the book about the narrator’s name. That quote got me thinking about how when it comes to Harry, tons of people only see what they want to see based on whatever ‘version’ of Harry is most appealing to them.

Read these quotes from the book with that in mind:

My Name

“I guess you are kind of curious as to who I am, but I am one of those who do not have a regular name. My name depends on you. Just call me whatever is in your mind.

If you are thinking about something that happened a long time ago: Somebody asked you a question and you did not know the answer.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was raining very hard.

That is my name.

Or somebody wanted you to do something. You did it. Then they told you what you did was wrong—“Sorry for the mistake,”—and you had to do something else.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was a game you played when you were a child or something that came idly into your mind when you were old and sitting in a chair near the window.

That is my name.

Or you walked someplace. There were flowers all around.

That is my name.

Perhaps you stared into a river. There was something near you who loved you. They were about to touch you. You could feel this before it happened. Then it happened.

That is my name.”

and:

“My Name. I do not have a regular name. I am a mystery to you. I wished Margaret would leave me alone…”

— Richard Brautigan, In Watermelon Sugar

The narrator of In Watermelon Sugar isn’t just a nameless figure, he actually invites the reader to give him whatever name they find most fitting for him. A positive connotation, a negative one, a nonsensical one… whatever you, the reader, decides. And that feels like a very apt description of Harry and the various ways fans have perceived him from the very beginning… by now, so many people have projected so many different images onto Harry that over time it has completely blurred all lines as to who Harry actually is.

Here’s a review I found of the book that summarizes the world within In Watermelon Sugar better than I can (as well as somehow still aligning perfectly with the concept of struggling with fame and identity, etc): “Much of the sense of disparity in [in Watermelon Sugar] results from the incongruity inherent in the person of the narrator, who insists that everything in iDEATH is exactly as it should be—the people gentle, pleasant, and tolerant. Despite the narrator’s insistence that iDEATH is a stable Utopia, however, many of the things that happen are fraught with pain and violence. Balancing the easygoing and vegetarian people with their light chores and flower-filled parades are the man-eating tigers, the burning of the mutilated corpses of inBOIL and his gang, Margaret’s suicide, and the emptiness felt by the narrator but never named.”

So essentially within In Watermelon Sugar, we’re shown that in the surrealist, post-apocalyptic setting of iDeath, things are only perfect on a surface level. Everyone in this world appears to be happy (or at least, they should be), but a closer look reveals the true nature of iDeath: it’s beyond grim. And so despite the happy, shiny surface, being a part of that happy, peaceful commune is unable to cure the narrator of the inexplicable emptiness he feels inside of him. (‘All the lights couldn’t put out the dark running through my heart.’ ‘Having sex and being sad.’)

The sadness that Harry has already admitted is very prevalent in HS2 has already been implied to be about a ‘breakup,’ but it’s clear to me that Lights Up is anything but a breakup song… (“[Lights Up is about] freedom, self-reflection, self-discovery, things that I had thought about and wrestled with…” + “For me, it’s a very uplifting song. In some places, it’s kind of dark, but to me, it’s like, very liberating. I think, you know, over the past couple of years… It’s about self-reflection, and freedom. It feels very free to me, which is I guess things that I’ve been trying to process… I guess, kinda wrestled with a little over the last couple of years. It’s kinda like, about accepting all of those things.”)

His sadness/whatever emotions and problems he’s been wrestling with have seemingly spanned the course of a few years, and are very personal to him… which is why I feel that releasing Lights Up as the first single sets the tone for the rest of his album centering around his own identity. The line “Lights up and they know who you are, know who you are… Do you know who you are?” poses the question - who is Harry? - and then, “Shine! Step into the light… Shine! So bright sometimes. Shine! I’m not ever going back.” shows us Harry having the strength and bravery to overcome his fears (stepping into the light, although it’s ‘so bright sometimes’ - overwhelming) and reclaim/express his own misunderstood identity.

A lot of people have been trying to tie the In Watermelon Sugar thing back to someone else, but at this point I completely disagree. Not only have we seen him make literary references in the past (the Charles Bukowski reference in Woman), but… given everything that he’s said about Lights Up so far – which was surprisingly a lot – I think that Harry genuinely just took a lot of inspiration from the book because it seemed to hit close to home with his own feelings about self-acceptance and living an authentic life within the public eye.

I think a lot about the scene we’ve yet to see from the directors cut - a room full of many different iterations of Harry.

“My name depends on you… Just call me whatever is in your mind.”

Which leads me back to more total conjecture on my end, but I think that when Harry initially set out on tour / kicked off his solo career, he seemed determined to continue performing within the safety of the walls that had been built around him, so to speak. In one of the interviews he did earlier, he talked about tackling his first album from the perspective of ‘bowling with the bumpers up’ - he wanted to play it safe. He didn’t want to veer too far out of his own comfort zone and fuck it all up… and in doing so, he seemed to hold himself back quite a lot. “I wanted to see if people would enjoy an album without knowing everything about me.”

I think that heading into writing with that mindset explains songs like ‘Complicated Freak’ and ‘Medicine’ being scrapped and excluded from being released on HS1. In retrospect, all of his tour - and especially Medicine - seem a lot like Harry dipping his toes in the water. Being totally presumptuous again, but I find it likely that Harry has had it ingrained in his mind for a long time that he needs to fit certain molds and keep certain narratives alive in order to continue to be successful. And I imagine that this idea is not his own, but instead something that has been hammered into his head over and over from a young age. And I would guess that a lot of anxiety and doubt has stemmed from that - go back and watch that shaky first performance of Medicine and tell me what you think he was likely feeling in that moment. But again, it circles right back to the strength and bravery of doing what he knows needs to be done to expel all of the darkness inside of him - stepping into the light. (“Never going back now / Be so sweet if things just stayed the same.” It’d be so sweet if he could live in that fantasyland forever.)

Anyway. I really don’t think Harry was at all prepared for just how many people would show up to support him in that sense… but his own community just rolled up in droves, bringing a total outpouring of love for him every single night. He had entire arenas lit up in rainbows, people bringing hilarious and heartfelt signs, flags after flags after flags after flags… all in celebration of him and the feelings of safety, strength, and bravery that he has continuously imparted back onto his fans. It was such a queer lovefest that even other artists likened his tour to “pride parades every night.” That’s so unbelievably powerful? I can’t think of any other artist who’s crowds do that for them… not even gay icons like Elton John? I still maintain that one of the most incredible things to have come out of HSLOT was the safe spaces he + his fans created for one another. It meant a lot to us, and it clearly meant a lot to him:

“The tour, that affected me deeply. It really changed me emotionally. Having people come to sing the songs… For me, the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think. I kept thinking, “Oh, wow. They really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.” That’s the thing I’m most thankful for, of touring. I feel like the fans in the room — it’s this environment where people come to feel like they can be themselves. There’s nothing that makes me feel more myself than to be in this whole room of people. It made me realize people want to see me experiment and have fun. Nobody wants to see you fake it.”

I think that going on tour, and seeing the reaction and the acceptance of his audience, definitely made him want to take the bumpers down… to ‘be out and do it’ because ‘nobody wants to see him fake it.’ It seemed to help him massively in terms of his own ‘self acceptance and the things he’s been wrestling with’ and to make an incredibly, incredibly long winded answer short, it’s why I STILL do not think that releasing Lights Up on National Coming Out Day was in any way incidental. I think that was a big part of what Harry meant when he said that no one wanted to see him ‘faking’ things.

And… that’s basically it, I think, for now. I’ve just been sitting here nodding along at everything he’s been showing us the last few weeks… Impressed by the direction that he seems to be heading. And taking notes. I’ll go ahead and shut up now because I KNOW it’s still too early to draw definite conclusions on his intent for this new ‘era’ (and this new song could be about choking on literal fucking watermelon seeds for all I know, nothing Harry does ever makes any kind of sense does it), but I can’t help but come to my own conclusions based on what I feel he is sharing with us.

#like if anyone actually thinks that it makes more sense for harry to be crying over borrowed slippers from an ex #and writing entire songs based off of his ex's supposed favorite book... be my guest or whatever #but it totally undermines how smart harry actually is. he used the word 'regalia' in a fucking interview the other day #like c'mon lmao #anyway #this is just me rambling for like... a solid 2k #sorry #when he makes me look like booboo i'll at least be a more educated booboo or whatever #:')#*

246 notes · View notes

munchies-for-thought · 4 years

Text

The reason your favorite character is flawed and how it changed how I saw my life

Jun 18, 2020

Context: I’m a huge fan of the anime “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure”. (Reading Part 6 pls don’t spoil kthx bai). Don’t worry. You don’t even have to know about anime to get my message. It’s just the example closest to me.

The revelation behind each flaw

Rohan Kishibe is a character that is incredibly talented as a manga artist. He is so obsessed in his craft that he goes to terrifying and ethically questionable extents to get inspiration for his stories. Sometimes a villain, sometimes a hero. His art is everything for him. Well worth risking his or someone else’s life. He is generally a good guy, and wishes good upon the world. He just won’t go out of his way to make it happen. He is also defeated almost immediately after we meet him.

Rohan Kishibe is indeed one of my favorite characters of all times for a multitude of reasons, yet when describing him, he clearly is a flawed character. Yet this is NOT about him. While you read this blog, please think on the coolest fictional character you can think of. Do you have one in mind? Can you answer the following about your favorite character?

Has your favorite character failed?

Has he been hurt badly?

Are some things out of his control?

Do most people in his world generally understand the struggle they go through?

You’ll see when comparing with friends that we mostly agree on these answers even when thinking on different characters. The interesting truth lies in the common factor behind these answers, and learning a bit from the power of good storytelling.

One of the most precious things that I have gained from playing videogames, watching anime and playing Dungeons & Dragons all my life, is the first-hand knowledge of the power of a good story. Although it is in the HOW you make a good story, where I found this revelation that helped me so much.

What I am trying to say might be simple and even obvious when read, but not truly understood. If you bear with me a bit longer, I will attempt not to say, but to explain. I’ll show you the building blocks of how I learned so you truly understand as I did.

Dungeon and Dragons’ Character Backgrounds

The first time I made a new character in Dungeons and Dragons (Drow Elf Bard btw) I was blown away when I found out that whereas you get to pick from options that greatly impact your likelihood of winning, you also had to pick background and personality options that held no significant impact on your success.

You could choose to be a triumphant noble, a devote acolyte, a successful guild merchant or even a lying charlatan. Hell, if you wanted to you could even pick an orphan who had lost it all in the edgiest way known to man!

The book was also quite good at giving you specific quirks that brought that character to life. All of this happened because D&D is focused on group storytelling. Everyone wants your character to be interesting so their adventure gets 10x cooler when their complex characters interact with yours in intriguing and unexpected ways.

For example:

The secret beauty behind flaws

I was just a tad... confused. I had to chose a flaw? Why would I want to do this? All of these options look just like ugly parts of your character’s personality and could easily affect them negatively within the story.

Was this a balancing feature? A rule simply put there to make you less awesome, so no one is too overpowered? I just could NOT wrap my head around it. I couldn’t understand how this could make things fun. They were ruining my character.

It was until I started maturing as an individual and learned more about game design and storytelling that I started to appreciate how genius that was. No one cares for the story of perfect, bland, basic individuals who always succeed and have never made mistakes before. Because that is not real, it doesn’t work for an interesting story if there’s no sadness. If there’s no pain, you can just simply look away.

It was to be expected of the game designers of the best roleplaying game in the world to know that having flaws, failures, challenges, weaknesses, mistakes, all of them are ESSENTIAL for a great story to be told!

Was there a moment in your favorite character’s story where his failures and his pain made you love them on a whole new level? Aren’t those failures what drives your characters to become who they are? Would it be a better story if they had always succeeded?

So who is this Rohan Kishibe and, as an artist, what is his take on good storytelling?

Rohan’s Philosophy

Not only is Rohan a good example of a flawed character, but he also has a very interesting philosophy. He is a famous and wealthy manga artist. You’ve got to understand that, to Rohan, his craft is EVERYTHING. It is the thing he does best and what defines him.

Let me just show you one quote of his, so you understand his artistic philosophy:

“Reality is the energy that breathes life into a piece of work, and reality itself is entertainment. People often think that manga are drawn from imagination and fantasy, but that’s not actually true! For me, drawing something that i’ve experienced, or something that has moved me, is what makes it interesting!”

His pursuit for inspiration is so great, that he constantly goes to insane lengths to gain inspiration. This unrelenting desire is why he was originally a villain. Yet even when the protagonist defeated him, all Rohan could think of was of how this set of unfortunate and unlucky events was within itself a hell of a REAL story to use as inspiration. He saw value even in his misfortune as long as it was honest, untapped, unadulterated and pure reality. That’s his trade secret as a famous and successful storyteller.

Understanding reality, storytelling and our identity

Warning: We’re about to get metaphysical. You might wanna take that bong hit right now. You’ve been warned.

Talking about reality is like opening Pandora’s box. It is such a massively complex topic that before we can even get to the nitty-gritty of it, let’s just agree on the following for the sake of this conversation:

Depending on how skeptic you are, reality could be mostly subjective or arbitrarily objective. So just follow my lead on this one and match your understanding with mine at least while you read this blog.

NO ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSES OR REALITIES

Fate is merely the belief that there is a predestined way things will happen no matter what. Since its only requirement is also its only consequence, (which is also impossible to prove) then even thinking on fate is pointless or even harmful to an individual as it removes agency from himself and turns him into a bystander in his own life.

Facts are limited to the provable physical world. If you can’t prove it, you don’t KNOW it is real, but you could still believe it to be real.

Our understanding of ourselves, comes partly from how others perceive us and their own subjective view of reality.

As mere humans we don’t completely control reality, but we control how it affects us.

Your own experiences and passions have a gargantuan influence on your interpretation of reality.

Storytelling could be simplified as “the way in which reality is described”.

Changing how you tell a story doesn’t change the facts.

That last one sounds a bit anticlimactic doesn’t it? Specially since we’ve talked so much about storytelling just to find out it can’t change reality. You might even wonder if its uses are only limited to art?

Fret not! This is where it all starts coming together.

My story

Before you disregard storytelling as just an art form, or an overglorified logbook, let’s think outside of the box and take a few leaps with me. Let me show you when was it that it clicked for me:

“Just when the COVID-19 lockdown was about to begin, I was at one of my lowest. I’ve always been someone very adamant on living life as he sees best. Even when friends or family wouldn’t understand my decision, I would still pursue my own path. I was proud of this and felt it made me immune to what other people thought. Yet, years of failed relationships were starting to make me doubt myself.

After an emotional breakdown at Denny’s after being stood-up (Great story for another day) I started worrying that the problem might be me. I’ve always been open to feedback as long as it makes sense to me in a logical way, but I had built so much thought behind who I was, that I didn’t even consider that maybe, I was more flawed than what I had originally assessed.

Maybe if all these bad things kept happening to me, there was a constant behind it all. Judging by the fact that these happened throughout the span of years and with different people, it was only reasonable to assume I was the only constant. Maybe my relationships, both in love and in friendship, were failing not because of individual and complex reasons, but because I was involved in all of them.

Maybe I just won’t build close friends or a family, but I guess I can still find a way to enjoy life. It’s just a lonely life, a very lonely life, but it’s best to face reality head on. That’s what I have always taught myself, right? It would be foolish not to do so when the answer is an inconvenient one. It’s still reality. Better get used to it I guess.”

Wow, that went to a very dark place didn’t it? It’s crazy looking at it in retrospective, but while it happened, it really felt like that was just the facts. I sucked at friends and love. That was just the cold hard reality to me. I mused:

“It’s like if I was a D&D character with low charisma doomed to suck at social encounters... “

and then a sudden realization froze me to the core...

Even if by mere accident, I ended up thinking of myself as a D&D character. Remember all that talk about flawed characters? Well, what if I would see myself as a flawed character? We already agreed that the best characters fail, struggle, suffer, cry, rage, and they make mistakes!

It’s like I had opened a whole new dimension that brought new light into who I was. Those weren’t horrible memories of things that broke me down and I wish no one would ever find out anymore. Those were just wild chapters on the bizarre adventure that is my life. These are badges of honor of what my very own story is!

Storytellers are already influencing your reality

I won’t stand here and tell you that everything bad happens for a good reason. Please be careful not to take the wrong message out of this. That wasn’t what I realized at that moment. I finally was able to see that there were two storytellers that had been affecting me all my life, and I hadn’t really seen their influence before!

Let me unmask these two powerful beings that through their storytelling, had changed my reality.

Powerful Storyteller #1 - Those close to you

Did you notice how the story that I was listening from my friends and love interests was sounding aggressively negative towards my self-value? I thought I didn’t care but I was indeed interpreting my life through their stories.

Since we already understand that we each have our own interpretation of life, good and wrong, then it’s not that hard for us to understand that we will never fully agree on what’s cool. Some of us love things that most people don’t even understand. So when they talk to you, they are inadvertently telling you a story about how you’re weird, instead of fascinating.

If only you could have friends or people who DID understand you, then maybe the stories about you would be seen in a much more positive light. It’s not your friends fault for not understanding, you were just asking something unreasonable from them.

Get yourself surrounded by those who are weird like you. You’ll notice that for the right crowd, you’re just the coolest person just for being who you are. That feeling is just invigorating in every sense.

Powerful Storyteller #2 - Yourself

Back in my story, you can see how I took a lot of my own “interpretations” as “facts” or even “reality” when I told myself my own story. You could have just as well told my same story but in a different way with a much more positive light:

“My relationships did fail, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect on my self-worth. I can continuously fail but love the fact that I’m the type of character that is still hopeful and positive even after repeatedly failing and suffering pain each time.”

It’s important you understand what makes you cool as a character. Because it is your job to tell yourself the story of who you are, what you’ve done, and who you will be. You have already been doing so for as long as you can remember, so you don’t even notice it anymore. You are STILL, to this day, re-telling yourself your story and changing how you feel about some parts of it.

What can we do about it?

So if you already are in charge of such a crucial and delicate task, why don’t you apply what we’ve learned so far? Can’t you see how you as the audience (from your own storytelling) would feel when seeing your main character in emotional pain? Don’t you feel empathy and love towards it because of all it has struggled?

You have the power to choose whether or not you will tell your story as the sad log of things you suck at, or as the crazy adventures of someone who’s just trying to do their best. Someone who is AWESOME because you do understand why he gets so excited when talking about that thing, and why he is so disappointed that that other thing didn’t work out again.

Those dark painful memories are beautiful crystallizations of true art! You already have what Rohan Kishibe is willing to kill to get. You already have an amazing REAL story, you now just have to use your storytelling skills to make yourself some justice, and talk about yourself like the amazing character you are when you tell that story to yourself next time you go to sleep.

At least when it comes to my story, well, the only reason why I would ever even think of writing a blog this long, is because I’ve changed the way I tell my story. I firmly believe that most people will never even have the opportunity to read this, but I have also seen value in these thoughts even if there’s no one besides myself who will listen to my story. If anything, at least I hope my story helps you love your character a bit more, just how I have learned to truly appreciate mine.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to my story. I would always love to hear yours.

16 notes · View notes

tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

Text

mtmte liveblog issue 13

humansona time, hell yes

OH MAN I forgot about the stuff w/swerve and blurr oof

that panel of perceptor just saying random equations always kills me vhsdjhfkbjhksdfnka

also I love so much that they call perceptor ‘percy’ that's so cute

I love the implications here that people just Grab minibots and carry them around like luggage bc they are Tiny lmao

ohhhh my god I fuckgin love ‘I'm just wondering if there's time to expand my aura and cleanse the area of aggression’ ‘I...don't think so, drift’ hgbadjfjbaskdfs drift’s hippy nonsense delivered completely seriously pairs hilariously with his whole ‘violent guy with a bunch of swords’ thing lmao

also, IM NEVER OVER CYCLONUS SINGING TO TAILGATE, and also the security team mistaking it for cyclonus murdering tg hbhkjadfbjkhsdf cyclonus u icon

and tg looking at cyclonus all heart-eyes, omg

drift showing rodimus how to swordfight...fellas.....

rodimus, being entirely ignorant to the irony in calling cyclonus and tailgate’s relationship strange when he and drift are Right There, being weird gay frat bros

did yall know, I love magnus so much. law dad

magnus saying ‘that's not even a word. id have heard of it’ about the word ‘relax’ is so funny god

rodimus bribing swerve with a bar license to get magnus turnt is hbvhjakdbfhskf

never over rodimus portioning out drifts blood money to the crew for shore leave hubhjsdkhfdbjksd god

despite tg lying about a good amount of his past, I feel like he rlly DOES see cyclonus as a link to a more familiar time, and that's a large reason why he’s so forgiving toward cyc

mannnn the stuff w/blurr and swerve is so depressing in retrospect. swerve is like, such a depressing character the more you think abt him vbhskjdhfbsk jesus

magnus trying to get in on the convo when swerve starts talking statistics oh magnus

idk what ‘the lube pits’ are but I Really do not want to know

‘the temple of the raging prism’ sounds fuckin bangin tho

I love seeing everyones humansona!! this art style is pretty simple, but I think it looks cute

rungs ‘human name’ being ‘mary sue’ lmaoooooo jro w/the self callout

also skids’ name being blank is a nice touch

still not over tg being a baby....poor guy

whirls humansona is so fuckgin good, also swerve looks like a hobbit

magnus basing his avatar on verity is so sweet ;_; I really should read all the wreckers stuff after I finish this reread

THE ABSOLUTE COMEDY OF MAGNUS JUST FUCKGIN PASSING OUT THE INSTANT THE ALOCHOL HITS...ICONIC

WHY would magnus accept a drink from whirl anyways lmao

tailgate is so cute

they rlly just left magnus facedown on the table and kept drinking huh. the irresponsibility....we love it

ARE YOU SURE THAT KILLMASTER IS DEAD, WHIRL? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

rung don't lie, froid is your nemesis

WHY do we never get to hear more about skids’ apparent beef with misfire

rewind calling the swerve/misfire This early, wow

literally Everyone abandoning swerve to deal with magnus hgbvhfjdskdfbhs I fucking love this issue man

GOD I LOVE MAGNUS SO MUCH!!!!!!!! he’s such an interesting and unique character and hhhh I love him and his development

like, he was probably the biggest surprise out of everyone who agreed to go on the quest - ostensibly it was to keep order on the lost light, but it would make sense that magnus would get tired of being the Only one who cares about that sorta stuff on board

drunk magnus is such a delight oh my god

magnus rlly just wants everyone to be safe :( my daddddd

magnus: I love all my children equally...swerve, rodimus, [looks at smudged writing on hand] dirt

swerve: see, magnus, that’s where you’re wrong - I ALSO have crippling depression!

cant believe they bought rodimus a hat vhbhksdfhahsjkdf

HHHHH GOD I FORGOT ABT THATTTT when cyclonus goes bonkers in order to stop rewind from playing the ark 1 footage and inadvertently outing tailgate as a liar....AUGHHHHH THE FUCKING...THE FUCKING ROMANCE OF IT ALL

POOR MAGNUS LMAOOOO

oh rewind :( you should really wonder a little harder where chromedome is right now...oof

everyone jumping on magnus while he’s passed tf out is SO fucking funny

RUNG, PLEASE, WE REALLY DONT NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHATS AROUND THE CORNER. REALLY DONT

hhhhhhhhhhh I love how cyclonus sat tailgate down and confronted him about lying, but did it privately and not in front of everyone - and he even saved tg from being exposed as a liar, too. AUGH

I feel like cyclonus is kinda impressed at how effortlessly tg has managed to lie this whole time, and tbh it IS impressive, especially considering tailgate was basically teleported 6 million years into the future and has no idea how the world works anymore, but was still able to lie convincingly. even cyclonus only realized bc of his own past, and not until now

tailgate ;_; ;_; ;_;

cyclonus: oh no...im soft

tailgate and cyclonus singing ye olde cybertronian tunes together...OUGHHHH my fucking heart bro mY FUCKING HEART.

on that note: the song ‘to noise making (sing)’ by hozier is literally about cygate. thank u for coming to my ted talk

UGH GOD SWERVE STOP MAKING ME SO SAD, ITS NOT EVEN THE SWEARTH ARC YET

magnus had to like, get the robot equivalent of a stomach pumping after that hvbskdjfbhskdf jesus they really did almost kill him huh

I consider this issue forshadowing bc it makes 100% sense that minimus would be a Mega Lightweight considering he’s like 3 feet tall

the real quest that swerve is participating in is ‘the quest to get friends’ and so far its going pretty badly. poor dude

godddd the thing that says ‘next: Overlord!’ with a fucking exclamation point I DONT APPRECIATE THAT.

OHO i forgot abt the canon fanfic at the end of this issue

rung kicking things off with some good ole bodily workings-based dread

ok but being so awed by the construction of your species’ anatomy that you wanna fall on the floor in amazement? that's a whole ass mood and I do frequently stare at walls for long periods of time, thinking about the marvel that is the human body. so rung is valid

FROID NAME DROP LMAO. also yet again, are you SURE he’s dead?? are you????

the name ‘froid’ cracked me up almost as much as ‘rigor morphis’ did when I first read this...robot-based science puns! woohoo!

rung rlly b out here thinking abt overlords lips.....

‘forced browsing is not the autobot way’ lmao skids

also fr tailgate defs thinks that whirls actually name is nutjob

the entire segment of cyclonus browsing and everyone watching him and commenting is just. golden

oh no. don't make me think of rewind and his tiny memory sticks that he carries around. I'm NOT READY

magnus’ brutal read on rodimus and the fact that he’s more suited, personality-wise, to wartime than peacetime? oof. love it

I ALSO love that a big part of this issue was magnus admitting, in less direct terms, that HE isn't made for the post-war life either - his strict adherence to the rules and constant vigilance isn't exactly the best mindset for peacetime, for him or the people under his command

magnus’s hatred of metaphors and similes and the like....hvbsdjkfbasjhdf I love him

MAGNUS ILY...he’s trying SO HARD cut him some slack. i think his jokes are. yeah!

oh goody this text used "rodimus’s" so I guess that's canonically correct and I haven't been using grammar incorrectly as I had feared

rodimus sitting ON his desk and doodling on it...adhd icon

rodimus calling rung a psychotherapist, which was rung’s grounds for a nemesis hvbhjabfdskfnkks

rung: as I'm sure you know I take patient confidentiality VERY seriously

narrator: That Was A Lie

AUGH this hurts...rung trying to get justice for red alert but rodimus is in on the overlord stuff :( ouch

so issue 13! I fucking love this issue. just some good ole funney space hijinks, with some nice relationship development for tg and cyc - plus a revelation about tailgate - and some characterization for swerve and magnus. plus we get to see humansonas, which is always fun. augh I love this comic, and I am SO not ready for the next few issues, good lord

#lj rereads mtmte

3 notes · View notes

beatrice-otter · 4 years

Text

Fic: Matters of Perspective

Title: Matters of Perspective Fandom: Star Trek: The Next Generation Pairing: Guinan/Picard Rating: General Audiences Length: 3318 words Written for: sternel in Rare Pairings 2020 Betaed by: Karios Summary: Jean-Luc had many things to do when he returned from San Francisco of 1893. Reuniting with an old friend is one of them. AN: You guys, if you've never shipped Guinan/Picard, I suggest you rewatch Time's Arrow I & II and pay extra attention to the scenes they share. Wow. I saw this as a pinch hit, thought it was an interesting idea (I'd never thought of Guinan/Picard) and re-watched Time's Arrow because I remembered it having lots of Guinan stuff, and I was blown away. The way he looks at her. He stayed behind in the past, not knowing if he'd ever get back to the 24th Century, because she needed help. I am a convert. At AO3. On Dreamwidth. On Pillowfort.

There were many things to do when Jean-Luc returned from San Francisco of 1893: a debriefing with Riker of all that had happened on board Enterprise since he had left, a medical examination, a long shower and a change into his own uniform. Tomorrow would be taken up with writing his own report and debriefing over subspace with a number of historians who specialized in Earth's 19th Century. But with the immediate chores done he could take some time to visit an old friend, and so he headed to Ten Forward.

He walked in the door, and paused: this was the Guinan he knew, in the setting he knew her in. He walked slowly to the bar, treasuring the very ordinariness of it.

Guinan looked him up and down, and smiled. It was a warm smile, as Guinan's smiles were wont to be; at least, the smiles Jean-Luc was used to receiving. It wasn't until he had met her younger self and she had not known him, that he had realized she did not smile at everyone that way. "So, you made it back safely. I'm glad."

"You knew I had," Jean-Luc replied in some surprise. Guinan did not know everything, but that was sometimes hard to believe.

"No," Guinan said. "I knew you had left 19th Century San Francisco, and that others of your crew who left before you were able to get home. I didn't know for sure that you would be able to make it back. I hoped you would. But things don't always work out the way we hope they will. I've spent a lot of time in the last five centuries wondering."

"Did you ever consider not sending me back?"

She shook her head. "No. If we hadn't met then, we wouldn't have met later; and by the time I got to know you the second time we met, I knew that you would rather fulfill your mission and be stuck in the past than leave innocent civilians to die."

"True." Jean-Luc took a seat at the bar, thankful that Ten Forward was empty and he didn't have to worry about people listening in. "But why wouldn't we have met? I've been wondering about that."

"The galaxy is a big place, Picard," Guinan said. "I like to travel, I always have. See new things, hear new stories, meet new people. I don't come back to a place unless there's something compelling about it … and let me tell you, 19th Century America didn't exactly give me many reasons to give Humans a second look."

"I don’t blame you," Jean-Luc said. "There are many eras of Earth history that I find fascinating to read about or experience on the Holodeck, but very few I would have any interest in living in. But what was it about me that was so compelling?"

Guinan tipped her head. "The way you looked at me," she said. "Like I hung the moon and stars. Like the two of us were the only ones there. Like you knew me inside and out, and found every inch of me captivating. People have looked at me like that before, but I've married the ones who did … and not even all my spouses looked at me like that."

Guinan had been his friend for so long, one of the people he trusted most in the whole world. It had never occurred to him to wonder what that looked like from the outside. "We were in a strange place, and you were a connection to home," Jean-Luc said, unsettled.

"The rest of your crew didn't look at me like that," Guinan said. "Just you. And then you stayed in the past because I was hurt and needed attention, even though it might mean you never got home. I wouldn't have thought Earth could produce people like you. And there you were. I was curious. Not that many people look at me like that, and it would be a shame to miss one. So," she shrugged, "here I am. And here we are."

Jean-Luc wasn't quite sure what to make of that; but then, that was often the case when speaking with Guinan. He hadn't thought of Guinan as a potential lover in years. "So why did you turn me down when I propositioned you, when I met you for the first time?"

She smirked at him. "You didn't look at me like that yet. And also, you were a puppy. An adorable puppy, I will grant you that, but still."

Jean-Luc thought back to himself as he had been when (from his point of view) they met. He'd been a young ensign on his first cruise, enamored of a bar tender who was full of wit and wisdom. "I can't say you're wrong," he admitted. "Thank you for turning me down gently."

"You were a puppy," she repeated. "I don't kick puppies."

A pair of ensigns came in and took a seat at a table on the other side of the bar, and Guinan excused herself to serve them. Jean-Luc considered inviting her to his quarters after her shift so they could speak without interruption. How seldom they met in private to talk! It seemed an astonishing lack, given how much he enjoyed her company. Fencing matches and other games, adventures on the holodeck, they did many things together; but they spent little time simply talking together, and most of that was in Ten Forward, where interruptions were frequent and privacy not guaranteed.

When she finished with the ensigns, Guinan returned to the bar and sat next to him. "So, what was your first impression of me?" she asked.

"In that bar on Starbase 247, or in San Francisco in 1893?"

"Either. Both."

Jean-Luc considered. "On Starbase 247, I thought that you were gorgeous, and compassionate, and knew a great deal more than you said." He spoke quietly, not wanting to give rise to any rumors on the crew's gossip mill. "I wanted very badly to see what was beneath those robes and behind those eyes, and I thought perhaps if I gained access to one, you might also give me access to the other."

"And you've always enjoyed a challenge," Guinan said.

"Indeed," Jean-Luc said. "And you have always rewarded my efforts … though not, always, in the form I would most prefer at the time."

"What about in San Francisco?"

"In San Francisco, you were very different," Jean-Luc said. "Not … shallower, but there was less weight to you. I thought at first it was because you were much younger, and that might be part of it, but then I realized … the great tragedy of your life had not yet occurred."

Guinan looked down at her hands, folded on top the bar. "No," she said softly, "it hadn't."

"I considered warning you," he confessed.

She tilted her head. "Thank you. It wouldn't have changed anything in the end, though, or at least, not for the better." She looked up at him. "I wondered, those first few years after our homeworld was destroyed, why you hadn't. I thought through every possible scenario: what I could have done with the information, all the different might-have-beens … I blamed you, for a while. It was easier to cast blame than to live with my grief."

Jean-Luc had never been through anything half as terrible as Guinan had; when he lost himself to the Borg, he had been rescued, and restored. Guinan had lost her entire world and most of her people, and that loss had been permanent. But he understood the impulse to blame someone, anyone, rather than face the enormity of grief. "What changed?"

"When we met for the first time, I was just a young hothead, running around the galaxy for my own amusement. You hadn't exactly had time to collect any proof, or any records that might have been useful. Would I have believed a stranger—however compelling his looks—who predicted the destruction of my people and our home? I wouldn't have wanted to. And if I had believed you, would any of my people have listened to me, with no proof? And if they had, what then? We El-Aurians were never great fighters, nor great engineers. Even with centuries of warning, we could never have defeated or held off the Borg. We might have been able to evacuate more people, earlier, but … nobody wants to believe their home is going to be destroyed. It's a nice fantasy, but I highly doubt anything you told me would have made much difference, in the end."

Jean-Luc nodded, soberly.

The doors opened, again, and a rowdy group, mostly in Science blue, spilled through. Celebrating Crewman Vrattiash's pregnancy, he thought. Very inconvenient; Guinan was the only server on duty, since this was usually a quiet shift in Ten Forward. They'd keep her busy for the rest of the shift, if he was any judge.

Guinan made the same calculation. "See you tomorrow in the dojo," she said.

That evening, Jean-Luc found himself turning over their history together. It was something he'd done many times since meeting Guinan again for the first time in 19th Century San Francisco, but this time he found himself going back to the first time he had met her.

He'd been with a group of friends on shore leave, relishing the freedom to drink things other than synthahol. She'd been tending bar, and he hadn't given her a second thought until it had been his turn to buy a round, and he'd gotten her attention to order. When he started talking, she'd looked him up and down with an interested expression, which in retrospect made perfect sense. Guinan's face might not change in forty years, but Jean-Luc's face certainly had. As a young ensign with a full head of hair he had looked far different than the mature starship captain she had met. His voice, however, would have changed little.

She'd introduced herself while she got their drinks, and they'd talked, and when he'd returned to his friends they'd teased him for flirting with her. She'd watched them with a sardonic air, and he'd known there was something more to her.

The next day, he'd come back alone, just after the bar opened, to see if he could figure out what that something was. She'd flirted with him, but turned down his invitation for more, and he'd taken it in good stead. An attractive, empathetic person tending bar must get an awful lot of propositions, after all. But talking with her was more interesting than anything else to do on the station, and so he'd kept coming back at times when the bar wouldn't be busy, and when his ship had left, he'd had her com address.

In all the years since, he'd not spent much time dwelling on how attractive she was. He'd never lacked for intimate company and a good friend was harder to find than a bed partner. But if she'd turned him down because he was too young and immature, because he didn't yet care for her as deeply as he had when she first met him …

It occurred to him that he was no callow youth any longer. And if he asked her now, her answer might be different.

They met at the gym for their weekly fencing, as usual. Guinan had changed and was mostly warmed up by the time Jean-Luc emerged from his dressing room.

"Trouble getting out of bed this morning?" she asked, starting up a more complicated round of stretches than she usually bothered with.

He hummed and started his own warm-up routine. "Trouble falling asleep last night."

"Anything you'd like to talk about?" Guinan asked. She was insatiably curious—she always was, even with strangers, but especially with close friends—but she'd learned centuries ago that patience and openness got better results than anything else.

"Nothing that concerns you," Jean-Luc said, which was not a 'no.'

And he was lying. Which made her even more curious. But he would tell her eventually, so she set it aside.

He seemed awfully eager to put his fencing helmet on, she noticed. Afraid she would see something in his face, perhaps?

The fencing itself was as interesting as it ever was. They'd been doing this long enough that muscle memory worked in her favor, but of course as with any combat, real or play, there was strategy to it.

Jean-Luc was a little distracted. Not much, but just enough to give her a slight edge, which she took ruthless advantage of.

"You're doing very well today, Guinan," he said halfway through their hour.

"You're slipping," Guinan said. "I prefer to beat you when you're in top form." Not that she often did; he'd been fencing much longer than she had. But she was getting better, slowly but surely, and if this specific martial art was new to her, it was far from the first she'd practiced.

"I shall endeavor to give you better competition, then," Jean-Luc said, and he did pay more attention from then on. But she did still notice his focus start to slip, on occasion.

Their scheduled hour drew to a close and Guinan took off her helmet, checking to make sure her scarf stayed in place.

"Good match," Jean-Luc said, taking off his own mask and grabbing a towel.

"Were you distracted by the same thing that kept you from sleeping last night?"

Jean-Luc froze, briefly, before raising the towel to his face. "Yes, actually."

She let it sit there, between them, for a little while, since he had shut down a direct question earlier. But he seemed a little more open, now, a bit less defensive. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He pondered the question for a bit. "Yes," he said, "but not here. And not in Ten Forward. Dinner in my quarters, perhaps?"

She raised her eyebrows. That was new. "I'd like that. Tomorrow night? I could re-arrange the bar schedule for tonight, if it's urgent."

"Tomorrow night is fine," Jean-Luc said.

The next night Guinan arrived at Jean-Luc's quarters in plenty of time for dinner. She'd been in his quarters before, of course, but not regularly and not often; she'd actually been in his office more, she realized, all the various times she had had some insight into whatever particular mission the ship was working on. They tended to spend time together either in the gym, the holosuites, or Ten Forward. Inviting her here meant something new, something private, and she wasn't sure whether or not to ascribe the standard Human meaning to a private dinner.

On the one hand, he'd never given any particular indication of sexual or romantic interest in her since she'd turned him down the first time, decades ago. On the other hand, he'd recently had an experience that might have changed how he saw her … and it would explain his distraction when they fenced.

Jean-Luc came to the door to greet her, rather than simply telling it to open. "Guinan," he said warmly. "Come in." He stepped back and gestured her in.

The room gave her no clues. It hadn't been redecorated since she'd last seen it, and while the spread on the table looked good, there were no candles or roses or other Human signs of romantic intentions. Then again, Jean-Luc had enough experience with cross-species relationships (in every sense) that he wouldn't necessarily rely on Human-specific trappings to signal intent.

"Please, have a seat," Jean-Luc said, gesturing to the table. "Would you like some wine?" He held up a bottle with a familiar label.

"Please," Guinan said. "What's the occasion?" Even captains had weight and space restrictions, and they weren't close enough to Earth to resupply all that often. The Chateau Picard got brought out only rarely.

"I can't just want to treat an old friend, whom I know has a deep and nuanced appreciation of alcohol in all its forms?" Jean-Luc said.

"You never have before," Guinan pointed out. "Not without a special occasion of some sort."

"True," Jean-Luc said. He carefully poured them each a glass and sat down.

Guinan picked her glass up and sniffed it, savoring the aroma.

"We've known each other for a long time," Jean-Luc said. He was idly twisting the wine glass in his hands, but his gaze on her was steady. "I haven't always put much thought into that relationship; throughout virtually my entire adult life, you have simply been there when I needed you. I think I have taken you for granted more than I should."

"It's possible," Guinan said, when he paused. "But then again, I do have ways of getting attention when I want it. And in some ways, life is much simpler when you are overlooked. If I felt neglected, trust me, you would know it. Or I would have left, by now."

"Thank you for the reassurance, but that still doesn't mean I should take you for granted," Jean-Luc said. "In any case, you have always been a magnificent woman, body, mind, and soul. And after our conversation the other night, I have been thinking over … paths not taken, and wondering if perhaps it might be time to take a new path." He stared down into his wine glass. "And then I wonder if perhaps it might be selfish of me, to ask for more, when you will outlive me by such a great margin. I have no wish to add grief or pain to your life."

"Just to clarify," Guinan said, "you're talking around the possibility of adding a romantic or sexual dimension to our relationship?"

"Both, I would hope," Jean-Luc said. "I'm not a puppy any longer."

"No, you are not." Guinan smiled, and looked him up and down. She knew, from their fencing, just how much power and strength there was coiled in that wiry frame, and she spent a few seconds imagining how it might be used for the pleasure of them both. And she already knew his character, which was far more important. "You know there aren't many species that are as long-lived as El-Aurians. If I wanted to be around people I wasn't going to outlive, I would never travel away from my people."

"Yes," Jean-Luc said, "but—"

"Jean-Luc." Guinan leaned forward, cutting him off. "Do you really think there is anything we could do with our bodies together that would make me grieve your eventual death more than I already will?"

"Ah," he said. "Probably not."

"There's no use grieving ahead of time," Guinan said. "I prefer to live my life forwards, not backwards. So with that in mind, Jean-Luc, ask your question."

"You aren't going to make this easy on me, are you?" he said, ruefully.

"I never have before. Why start now?"

"True," he said. He set the wine glass down on the table and leaned forward, staring intently into her eyes. "Guinan, you are the most incredible woman I've ever met, and I find you attractive on every level. I always have. Your wisdom, your compassion, your iron determination which you only show when it is needed, your ability to perceive the world differently and help me to see it as you do, I love all of these things about you. I love you, on a very deep level. And though I have set aside the more carnal feelings you arouse in me so that for many years, I would enjoy exploring them with you. While a sexual or romantic relationship is not necessarily deeper or more meaningful than a close friendship, I wonder if you might like to explore those other dimensions with me?"

Guinan's lips curved into a smile. "Jean-Luc, it would be a pleasure. In every sense of the word." She leaned in closer, and he met her half way for a kiss.

#fanfiction #fanfic #star trek #The Next Generation #guinan #Jean-Luc Picard

5 notes · View notes