#and start to accept that I really just want a relationship because I fantasized too much about it rather than wanting something real

[nebbyy]

Lester Papadopoulos/Apollo x reader - It's Over, isn't It?

A/N: okay so a few weeks ago I was listening to the song “It’s Over isn’t it” form the Steven Universe series and this scenario came to my mind, so I thought I’d just make it a fic! For this piece I didn’t see a point in assigning a gender to the reader, so we go with gender neutral all the way😎😎(neither your godly parent is specified since it doesn’t really add anything to the plot, so you can choose whichever you prefer)

PART TWO IS HERE

Warning: insecurity, jealousy, angst (WITH comfort tho), mentions of suggestive activities

Word count: 3209

You kinda hate yourself right now, and you hate yourself because you are so angry right now.

Well maybe angry is an exaggeration, but still, you’re really, really upset.

And you know you should be anything but upset right now. I mean, the love of your life finally has the chance to go back to his home in the Olympus, regain his honor and his status as a god. Those were all good things that you should be ecstatic about, right?

Well, wrong.

Just thinking of it made you feel like you could throw up at any moment. Thinking about the fact that Apollo. Because, what will be of Lester, your Lester?

Your whole relationship had started because he wasn’t Apollo. He wasn’t the tall, tan, handsome and all mighty God of the Sun; he was just a normal teen, whose only things that made him stick out were his acne, his clumsiness and a somewhat nice voice. His mortal condition didn’t even give him a single chance to act in his usual exaggerated, narcissistic self. He had to start off from the start, build a personality that wasn’t based on his godly qualities, but on something more real.

And in that situation he found himself in, with his new eyes he had seen you, and you truly seemed like a deity to him. 

How could you be anything less to the rest of the world, he thought. You were your godly parent’s greatest hero, you were liked and admired by most campers both because of your victories and your looks. And he spent oh so many nights fantasizing about taking you back with him in Olympus, giving you the godly status that should be rightfully yours. But hell, with the body he’d found himself in he’d barely the courage to come up to you to talk.

He told you so many times how absolutely surprised he was when he found out that you actually liked him back, even if he looked like any 17 year old loser, his actual words. And you remembered too, how his voice was so shaky as he tried to muster up a coherent sentence, how his cheeks shone a bright red, how his hands were trembling as you took them into yours and his palms sweating. But in your mind, that was more beautiful than any sonnet, any haiku, any poem, any grandiose, Apollo-like gesture. Because that was Lester, not Apollo; and in your eyes, Lester’s awkwardness was what made him stand out, because it was purely genuine.

Now ever so often you wonder, if he used to feel like you’re feeling right now, like you’re no match to the person you love. You look at your reflection in the mirror of the bathroom, and the mean joke that played your mind made you highlight all the flaws you could spot in yourself. All things that a god could never accept in their lover. You feel so wrong, so flawed that you just wish you could turn yourself into mud and reform your appearance completely.

Gods, you’re being ridiculous right now, you think, you just want to slap yourself in the face and yell at your reflection to get a grip goddamnit! You’re one of the greatest heroes of your time, you survived two wars, you can’t possibly draw the line at a failed relationship with a god. 

At one point someone might think: but why are you so opposed to the idea that your boyfriend is finally becoming a god once again? How ungrateful can you be??

But the point is, you know damn well that the whole point of the creation of Lester was forcing Apollo into a form that would’ve been the total opposite of who he is.

Because Apollo is naturally flirty and superficial, he loves to love and be loved, and he pursues anything and everything that he finds beautiful. But he got bored easily of his love conquers, hence why he has so many kids. So in your mind, it was only natural that as soon as he was back to normality, he’d grow tired of you and move to the next mortal that piqued his interest, maybe even leaving you a single parent to a new demigod.

That’s why you couldn’t stop that nagging feeling deep into your core, as you walked out of your cabin, hearing all the girls already speculating about how beautiful, handsome, shiny and dashing Apollo will be once he goes back to his form. “And who knows, maybe he’ll set his eyes on some of the friends he made in here” squealed a girl, from which cabin you did not know nor care. Her friend replied: “Yeah I mean, ain’t no way he’s gonna keep staying with the same partner forever. I mean, come on, he’s Apollo!” They both giggled like school girls, then kept gossiping about something else, but you did not care enough to keep eavesdropping their whole conversation.

You really hated yourself for being like this right now.

Of course, you know that those two girls meant no harm, it wasn’t their fault if they knew just as much as you did about Apollo’s tendencies. And about that you’re already came to terms with, but there’s something else you hate yourself for…

You stopped reaching out to him. Or even worse, you even started to avoid him. 

Not also him, but your friends and siblings as well. You closed yourself off of everyone else in your life, opting to spend your free days in Camp by yourself, whether it is in your cabin, sparring or all alone in your favorite spot in the forest.

Which is exactly where you’re directed to right now, as you put your headphones in your ears, wasting no time to press play and then abuse the volume up button to muffle any sound from the outside. You walk past the two girls, past another group of guys that were training with one another, and past your friends too, who you didn’t noticed as they were calling and waving at you to join them for a quick snack, leaving them rather confused and preoccupied as it seemed that you were stuck in a trance, locked out in another dimension of your own.

You didn’t even see Lester excusing himself from the group to subtly start following you wherever you were going.

It’s a quiet place, the one in the forest, protected by a thick layer of trees and bushes that makes it hard to reach it; but it’s worth all the climbing and scratches for the beautiful sight of a clear waterfall that fell right into a circular body of water, surrounded  by a rather big field of moss, so soft and fresh to lay on during the hot summer nights.

And so you did, letting yourself fall on that natural mattress, then closing your eyes to feel the light breeze on your exposed skin, and let the words of the song that’s blasting at full volume at the moment fill your ears, although you can barely focus on what they’re saying

It really seems unfair, all of this. That you thought you had fallen in love not with a god, but with a boy. Somehow forgetting that boy and god mixed in Lester, two sides of the same coin.

And maybe he forgot too, because every time the two of you were together, he suddenly couldn’t bring himself to think of the responsibilities that were waiting for him. With you, he forgot about his lost and very much missed abs and tan, he forgot about his chariot and his comfortable place in Olympus. Hell, you even made him forget about all his old lovers. It was really only you in his eyes, just as he was in yours. If only he’d ever told you all of this though…

Your mind keeps swirling in a million thoughts, until it fixates on one memory in particular.

You and him, alone on that very same spot in the forest. In a similar situation as you were now, too, with your crappy phone playing music softly in the background, as the the two of you laid together, one next to the other. You turn around to look at him briefly, only to find him already looking at you. “What, do I have something on my face or..” he just shake his head with the most lovestruck eyes you’d ever seen, batting his eyes slowly before looking at you once again, “I just really want to kiss you right now”.

Your eyes widen. His eyes widen. Did he really just say THAT?

Neither of you were sure how or why, thinking back to it, you wonder if it was his godly charm poking at the back of his head. But that didn’t matter at the time, the future in which he came back to his godly state seemed so far from you, it wasn’t even an option in your head.

Nevertheless, after the initial shock from his words, you silently answered him with a slow, almost numbed movement of the head, nodding slightly, almost scared that if you moved to fast you would’ve whisked him away, or that he could’ve changed his mind already.

But that nod was all that he needed before crashing his lips against yours, one of his hands flying to grab the side of your head, while the other stayed put on its place against the ground to keep him from falling on top of you.

The kiss was an absolute mess: teeth clashing, nose bumping against each other,... but it was perfect that way to you. You broke away from each other for a brief moment to catch your breaths, and you just look into each other’s eyes. With chests heaving, breaths mixing, you both started laughing, if only for a moment, a laugh of disbelief at what had just happened.

But that laugh didn’t last long before he moved his head closer once again, this time more slowly, more confidently. The kiss was in fact much less messy, your lips found their place against each other, the panic from before had morphed into pure butterflies in your stomach and fireworks in your eyes.

After a minute at most, you broke apart once again, but only for Lester to reposition himself on top of you in a more comfortable position. Your bodies closer than ever, you could feel everything of him….

What happened after still makes your cheeks flush red at the mere thought, but it also causes a frown to form on your face. Those times, when it was just the two of you are over. Maybe it was just a time of crisis that brought you two together, the shock from a morta perspective might have caused him to cling onto the closes person he could find. You can’t help but imagine Leste- Apollo in that moment, laying in the clouds of Olympus in a much similar scenario, maybe with a beautiful nymph or a smaller deity, or a mortal he laid his eyes on while he was on this earth-

“There you are! I should’ve known that if you’re not around you’re definitely in here.” If it were a normal, mortal voice, you wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the deafening high volume of the music blasting in you ears. But it wasn’t a mortal voice.

It was loud, it was melodic, it resonated in the air like the echo of the most beautiful of songs,…

You wouldn’t even need to turn around to know that that voice came from no other than Apollo. That’s right, he probably came back to his true form already. You can’t even imagine what a scene that would’ve been, to see the handsomely perfect god walking around Camp Half Blood, how many boys and girls had probably followed him around drooling over the sight of him. 

You wish you could just stay put, coldly dismiss him and let him go for what probably is the rest of your life and his eternity. But, curiosity gets the best of you, and you can’t help but turn around tentatively, eager to see what your boyfriend really looks like.

Your mouth quite literally hits the floor at the sight. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always found Lester really attractive, but this.

This was something beyond the concept of handsome or beautiful.

This, him, was beyond what humans can perceive and comprehend.

Yes, you knew that his skin was tanned, but as he stood in front of you it seemed as if his body was made of bronze.

And yes, you also knew that his hair was blonde, but that didn’t make them justice. They flew, like rays of sun through a clouded sky.

Of his eyes you knew nothing about, but you were pretty sure at this point that no description could really depict just how deep, bright, captivating, alluring, even, they really were.

Your mouth quite literally hit the floor at the sight. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always found Lester really attractive, but this.

This was something beyond the concept of handsome or beautiful.

This, him, was beyond what humans can perceive and comprehend.

Yes, you knew that his skin was tanned, but as he stood in front of you it seemed as if his body was made of bronze.

And yes, you also knew that his hair was blonde, but that didn’t make them justice. They flew, like rays of sun through a clouded sky.

Of his eyes you knew nothing about, but you were pretty sure at this point that no description could really depict just how deep, bright, captivating, alluring, even, they really were.

Your throat felt tight, your mouth dry, and your whole body gives you this tingly sensation. With all of your strength, you took a deep breath to try and calm yourself down, before mustering all of your strength to speak without a pathetic shaky voice. “I thought you were going back as soon as you got your body back.“

“Ain’t no way that I wasn’t coming to kiss my beautiful partner goodbye.” He grinned as he swiftly took a seat right by your side, propping himself on his elbow, his eyes never once leaving yours. You swore his smile was intoxicating, you’d say contagious even if the thought that this might’ve been your last moments together didn’t fill your mind with sorrow.

You wanted to protect yourself from this, detach your mind and heart from him before he does it first, leaving you with an aching heart and moving on with his eternal life.

You felt a hand come up to your cheek, holding it softly as the sweetest melody came from his lips, “I’m gonna miss you madly once I’m back there, you know?” At that, you can’t help the deep anger that fills you from inside, a feeling that expresses through icy, stinging words, as you turned your head away from his touch, “I’m sure you’ll move on in no time.”

He frowned. That wasn’t the reaction he expected from you at all, but he didn’t really take it personally, it was so obvious that there was something troubling you. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” your voice is louder, a mixture of frustration and anger. But also so much sadness, that can be felt by just how strained the sound that came from your throat is, almost as if you were fighting back tears. You swallow hard, trying to recollect yourself, “I mean that you are a God, I am just a mortal. One of many. I’ve got nothing special to be remembered for, to be remembered by you for the rest of eternity. And Im okay with it, really. Our destinies were never meant to combine, I was just another one of your lovers.” As you spoke those last words you couldn’t help but let the tears flow from your eyes, those who always looked at Lester with a mix of love and mischief, now only filled with a never ending sadness.

Slowly, as to avoid scaring you off, the renewed god took your wet face in his warm hands, pulling you closer and wiping your tears off at the same time. Gently, he spoke: “My love, you couldn’t have said anything more wrong. You are special to me, and I could never forget you. In thousands of years that I’ve existed, no one had ever treated like you did, like I wasn’t a god. Sure, it was temporary and you knew I could’ve incinerated you as soon as I got back to… this.” He looked down, gesturing at his body, a sight for sore eyes that could’ve really made you unfocus on anything were you not so taken by your talk with Apollo at the moment. “But that didn’t stop you from treating me like we were equal. And I hated it, at first. I thought it would be part of my punishment. But as time passed, I realized that being your equal was the highest of honors I could ever get. You’re… you’re crazy strong, incredibly smart, unbelievably beautiful, way too kind for your own good, especially with those brats of the kids in this Camp.”

You giggled at his words, a consistent contrast with your tearful eyes and quiet sobs, “Some of those brats are your children too, genius.” “Well then it must run in the family.” You laughed again while shaking your head, but only for a moment before returning your full attention on the boy in front of you. He took the sign to continue.

“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I could ever be able to let you go. Over all the lovers I had through the years, which I’m sure you know are many, you’re the only one that saw me and treated me with true love and care. Not with fearful devotion, never fearing what I was capable of. I only ever saw this kind of love in Sally Jackson, and I mocked Poseidon for letting a mortal like many treat him so casually. But now, now I get it, and to be honest I can’t help but think that you’d deserve to be called a deity far more than many others who already are. Maybe even more than me. So I refuse to ever let go of this blessing that fate has given me. And if in order to do so I have to take your soul and put it on the sky above, to rest as a star forever by my side, so be it. But trust me you’re not getting rid of me so easily.”

You crumbled like a sand castle at his words, that he spoke with the very same tone, on the very same spot when you still called him Lester, and you promised to stick by each other’s side for the time you had left, only a few months before this whole encounter. You let your head fall into his broad chest, sobbing softly as you desperately clung to him. Your tears weren’t of sadness anymore, but of relief, for you had just been given the confirmation that your lover was still yours.You spent the rest of the night there, cuddling as close to eachother as possible as you rested in peace. 

The morning after, at dawn, when he had to officially go back to his daily duties, he begrudgingly got up from his place in your arms, placing butterfly kisses on your arms and neck, careful not to wake you. He left a little not right next to you, one that read: 

“I had to go, didn’t want to wake your pretty face this early in the morning.  Meet me here at dusk tomorrow, Forever yours,  A.”

It made you smile, seeing that note as soon as you opened your eyes, almost made you forget the lack of your boyfriend next to you,… and the yelling of your friends and siblings calling for your name in the distance.

You wasted no time walking towards those voices, and when they asked you just where the hell have you been all night, you just smiled and brushed it off, but everyone noticed how your usual bright self had mysteriously came back after days of brooding.

Hours later, you were calmly eating dinner with the other campers, laughing and talking and eating seemingly decent food. You were totally clueless as to where exactly Apollo was, but you guessed he was on his chariot, on his way to let the sun set and go to your secluded spot. But little did you know, he was in neither of those places. He was actually walking up to Zeus’ throne, tall and proud as he respectfully bowed to his father. “Apollo, I see it took you no time to get used to your old life once more. I trust you have learned your lesson.”

“Indeed, father. And I came here to thank you for it all. It was… better than I expected.” Zeus lifted a brow suspiciously, eyeing his son as if trying to make out what’s in his mind just by his appearance. “Mmh I hardly believe that you only came here to thank me for your punishment.” “Heh, you’re not wrong, father. I came here to make a request.”

“Depends. What is it that you desire?”

“How do you make a demigod immortal?”

#lester papadopoulos #my fic #angst #fluff #gender neutral reader #apollo #lester papadopoulos x reader #writers on tumblr #trials of apollo #percy jackson #meg mccaffrey #pjo apollo #apollo x reader #apollo x you #the trials of apollo

[zoeykallus]

Hey there!

first of all i wanted to just gush over how incredible your writing is and that i can’t stop re-reading all of your works! they’re just so good!

second i wanted to say how sorry i am to hear about your dog :(( i have a dog of my own and the thought of anything happening to him moves me to tears, so i truly share in your pain 💜

and lastly, i was wondering you’d do the Only One Bed ™️ trope with hunter and a fem!reader? NSFW is accepted and highly encouraged ;) but if you’re not feeling up to it, please put your mental health over this request!! much love 💜

Aloha!

Thank you so much! Very happy to read this. And thank you for your kind words regarding my dog 💚💚💚

Only One Bed trope, with Hunter.... NSFW, sure thing 😁

I don't know what I did here, but I got carried away. Couldn't decide the fluff and/or smut level, so I kinda mixed it up, and I'm not sure what this is, but it's a lot more than I had planned in the first place...

Hunter x Fem!Reader - One-Shot - The Tension Between Us

Warnings: Sexual Content/Suggestive/No Established Relationship (yet)/Smut/18+

_______________

As Hunter and you are stranded in the small scout shuttle for technical reasons, you find yourselves on a very small abandoned outpost. Apparently, the tiny outpost has been abandoned for ages and was only designed for a single person, because there is only one bed. By necessity, you'll have to spend the night here until you're picked up, so you'll have to come to some sort of agreement on the sleeping situation.

________________

Oral Receiving/Dry Humping/PiV Sex/Fingering

"Don't look at me like that," you grumble, rolling your eyes. Frowning, Hunter asks, "How am I looking at you?" "Like it's any of my fault we got stranded here. The crash was a technical error, not mine." Hunter shakes his head and says patiently, "I'm not upset with you, or your flying skills, I'm upset with the situation." "It wasn't my flying skills though" you insist, already raising your finger in the air to back up the statement. Realizing you've acquired Tech's quirk, you quickly lower your hand again. You're definitely spending too much time with Clone Force 99, you realize. Hunter smiles barely noticeably, raises his hands placatingly, and says, "Yes, I know it was a technical issue. Still, we're stuck here now, and we've both been out for a while, the shuttle is junk and there's only one bed." You sigh and look at the bed, which is neither particularly large, nor particularly small, but in any case a bit too narrow for two adults who don't necessarily want to have physical contact. Hunter has a silly idea, he knows it's not particularly clever, but hears himself say it before he can stop the words from leaving his mouth. "We can both sleep in the bed, can't we? There's no fallback, and we're both adults, we've known each other for a while now. I don't think either of us needs to sleep on the floor." The surprised look you give him makes his insides tighten for a moment. But when you finally shrug your shoulders, nod and say, "Sounds reasonable," he relaxes again. However, seconds later, he's plagued by completely different worrisome thoughts. Yes, you've known each other for quite a while, almost a year, and for a few months now he's started fantasizing about you. At first, he was just attracted without really understanding what those feelings were. Hunter has had a few flings, but never a deeper relationship, that was not allowed anyway. Until now, he didn't have to deal with that either, but then you showed up. In the beginning he was only attracted to you, he feels comfortable around you, he trusts you, at work as well as personally. Then more and more factors came into play. At some point Hunter couldn't get enough of your scent, you started showing up in his wet dreams and at some point he started fantasizing about you too when he needed relief.

By now it's clear to him that he has a thing for you, both physically and emotionally, but Hunter has no idea how to deal with it. What's bothering him right now is the worry that he might dream about you again while you're in bed together. Tech had already pointed out to him that he sometimes talked in his sleep. That could be a problem. As you begin to take off your armor, he stares at you as if thunderstruck.

"What is it?" you ask, frowning and pausing in mid-motion. "You're getting undressed?" "Yes. I can't sleep in the full outfit. Can you?" Hunter shrugs uncertainly. "Sometimes." "But it's not necessary now. Basically we're not on duty, we're stranded but safe. So I'll put my gear down" As he still stares at you, you say teasingly, "Don't worry, I'll leave the blacks on, I'm not going to lay naked in bed with you". You can see him gulp, but then he smiles nervously and starts taking off his gear as well. "Okay, sounds reasonable" he says, trying hard not to look, not to admire the way the tight blacks hug your body.

But all he can think about is that you probably don't have anything on under the blacks, like most soldiers. He can't see any bra or panties showing underneath, anyway. He blinks several times, takes a deep breath, and forces his thoughts elsewhere. Hunter may be into you, but he has too much respect for you as a person and as a friend to gawk at you the way he would like to. When you finally lay down next to each other, barely a hand's width fits between you, so close that you can feel each other's body heat, and you can feel how tense he is next to you. You turn your head to look at him. Hunter stares at the ceiling, his arms crossed over his chest as if he needs to hold himself. You frown and think for a while, watching him. You know that a certain tension has arisen between you, already a long time ago, something that cannot be avoided when you find the person you work so closely with attractive. Not only that, but you are sure he feels the same way you do, somehow you sense it, and sometimes you see it in the way he looks at you. He is outrageously handsome, in combination with his deep, slightly smoky voice, his skill as a soldier and the decent heart that beats under his breastplate, he is practically irresistible to you. But you know how regulations are, that clones aren't supposed to be in serious relationships, and you don't want just a fling with no real connection. The thought that he might be with other women if you don't work together for a while has kept you up many a night. But as far as you know, Hunter's last fling was about six months ago. It was about then that you noticed the way he was looking at you, that's when this weird tension started to develop between you. "You seem tense," you say quietly. Hunter swallows, he sighs softly, then says, "An unusual situation."

You talk for quite a while, about all sorts of things, until you feel that you both relax and eventually fall asleep. At some point during the night, however, you wake up, you feel a weight on your upper body and between your legs. Almost as if on cue, you feel warm between your thighs, even before you are fully awake. You blink, trying to get your eyes used to the darkness in the room.

Finally, you realize, one of Hunter's legs is between yours, slightly bent, his thigh right on your now heated center, one of his arms across your torso, almost like a hug. However, Hunter is asleep, probably doesn't even know what he's doing. His leg moves a little, the friction on your pubic creating a pulse that tingles in your pussy, and you clearly feel wetness gathering in the heated triangle between your thighs. Suddenly he seems to stop, he takes a deep breath, opens his eyes. His whole body tenses, trying to orient himself in the darkness. You know Hunter smelled your arousal, that's what woke him up. He seems confused at first about the situation you two are in. "Sorry," he mumbles as he realizes how close he came to you in his sleep and wants to pull away. Your hands claw into the top of his blacks, holding him in place, whereupon he reaches with one hand for the small lamp that stands beside the bed and turns it on. It's a fairly dim light, but strong enough for him to see your face. Your fingers are still clawing into the fabric on his chest. Hunter looks at you questioningly. You say, almost in a whisper, "Don't go away." He blinks, pauses. A barely noticeable smirk twitches at the corner of his mouth, and you can see his pupils grow bigger almost instantly. He moves his thigh a little between yours, tensing his muscles, rubbing over your pussy. "You want me to stay right here?" He takes another deep breath, knowing full well you'll say yes. You nod and say, still almost whispering, "Yes."

His hand that was previously on the lamp moves to your hip and grips, while his thigh continues to apply friction and pressure to your center. By now the moisture of your arousal has seeped through the fabric and the smell is so intense for Hunter that his cock pressed against your thigh is hard as diamond. His senses and hormones are already dancing tango, everything in him is in passionate flames. He knows exactly, he will enjoy this a lot. But most of all, he wants you to melt into arousal, he wants you to have so much fun that you want to come to him again and again, that when you look at him, you can think of nothing else but his closeness. As he kisses you he is gentle yet hungry, his tongue is so quick in your mouth and has the upper hand that you feel a deliciously sweet helplessness. You trust Hunter, completely, you know you are safe with him. If it's up to you, he can do absolutely anything he wants to you. His lips part from yours, his thigh still pressed to your pubic, his lips close to yours he says in his smoky voice, "My senses are full of your scent, but I think it's time for more, every one of my senses wants to explore you."

Swimming in arousal, you say almost a little breathlessly, "Yes, please." Hunter smiles in satisfaction. He kneels over you, his knees to the left and right of your hips and his hands reach for the hem of the top of your blacks, pulling it up, slowly and deliberately. You watch him lick his lips as your breasts emerge from under the fabric. Then you bring your arms up, so he can pull the top over your head. But he doesn't pull it off you, he keeps your arms and the top of your head trapped in it. He ties the fabric together, so it stays in place. You can't see anything, only your mouth peeks out from under the fabric and your arms are fixed in it. Theoretically you can free yourself, Hunter doesn't want to restrain you, certainly not against your will, he's more interested in creating an erotic illusion. A hoarse moan comes over your lips as his close around one of your nipples and teasingly suck on it. His tongue plays with it, his fingers gently knead the soft flesh. With a lot of skill and passion, he takes care of your boobs with his hands and mouth, making you squirm and let out sweet little sighs. Then, quite unexpectedly, his hand wanders down on you, while his mouth is still playing with one of your nipples, and slips right under the fabric of your black's pants.

At first, you make a small, startled sound, and close your thighs around his hand. Hunter pauses, his mouth moves from your chest to your chin, kissing it gently, and he whispers, "It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you, on the contrary. You trust me, don't you?" In response, you slowly open your thighs again and say in a whisper, "I trust you." "Good girl," he coos to you, kissing his way down your neck as his fingertips wander, carefully, gently, through your damp folds. "A good girl indeed, so wet for me". His words tingle under your skin, in your nerve endings. You could listen to his voice day and night, especially when he speaks to you as he does now. Hunter's fingertips find your clit and caress it playfully while his tongue dances circles around your nipple. Your hips automatically buck up, towards him, craving more. One of his fingers finds your opening and tickles it gently, teasingly. "You want to feel me there, don't you?" A hoarse, "Yes," passes your lips. Hunter withdraws his hand from you again, moving further down and pulling off the pants of your blacks, leaving you lying naked in front of him with your head and arms still trapped in your top. You feel his strong hands on your thighs and how he opens them, how his shoulders push in between. Shortly after, you feel his hot breath on your damp folds. His lips softly graze the insides of your thighs, slowly making their way to the center of your heat. You know what's coming, you're in aroused anticipation, yet the feeling as his tongue roams through your wet folds is almost overwhelming. You hear Hunter growl softly, like a predator descending on his prey, as his tongue and lips explore your pussy. Finally, he finds your clit and applies gentle, circular pressure with his tongue, eliciting sighs and moans from you.

Hunter's tongue gets faster and faster, everything inside you tingles, every muscle tensed in arousal, your pussy twitches impatiently and greedily. Then suddenly he lets go of your clit and drills his tongue deep into your opening with a growl, deep from his chest. Like a starving man he licks you out, drills his tongue into you again and again, fucking you with it while his hands have a firm grip on your thighs and your whole abdomen trembles with arousal.

Again and again you moan his name, it is divine, consistently on the threshold between maximum intensity and climax without tipping over, a wonderful, sweet agony. He keeps you on this threshold for quite a while, greedily absorbing your juices. Finally, you can't take it anymore. "Hunter, fuck me!" His tongue slips out of your pussy, skims over it once more, circles your clit teasingly before he rises and releases your thighs. You hear soft rustling of clothes and squirm in your top that also serves as your bondage. Your arms are still trapped in it above your head, but your eyes now free to admire him. He is a positively stunning sight, steeled, beautiful. Tanned, tattooed skin stretches over hard muscles. Then your gaze drifts downward. His cock stands erect, hard, thick, gently curved, rounding out the perfect picture you have before you. You're so hungry to feel him inside you, you can feel your juices pooling in your pussy. He shows you a smirk as your eyes meet, he knows exactly what you're feeling, can sense it with practically every one of his senses and he loves it. He leans over you, propped up on his arms, his hips dipping between your thighs, his cock gently nudging your wet hole. "Are you ready for me, girl?" You nod eagerly, "Yes, absolutely ready." Hunter never dreamed this moment would come, but now it has, and he's enjoying every second to the fullest, your scent, every little sigh from you, every movement, just everything he soaks up like a sponge. He applies pressure, his cock parts your wet folds, slowly penetrates you inch by inch. He keeps an eye on your face, careful that you feel perfect. Every little excited twitch in your face is a feast for him, making his chest swell with pride and his heart beat up to his throat. He knows that yours has been pounding behind your ribs since the first moment he touched you, and he loves that beat.

The stretching is glorious, as he finally sinks all the way into you, as he is inside you, his hips nestled against your thighs, his body hovering over yours, it feels like you two are made for each other, perfectly adapted to each other. Feeling his hips between your thighs, him deep inside you, feels so right. You're so aroused and excited, your pussy twitching around his cock even before he moves inside you, eliciting a surprised moan. Hunter starts to move, slowly pulling his hips back and thrusting again.

As he speeds up, the bed beneath you begins to squeak in time with your movements, but neither of you mind. Soon the squeaking is mixed with the sound of bare skin meeting bare skin and the wet sound of his cock drilling deep into your pussy again and again. The friction of his pubic bone is right on your clit, the perfect combination. Your legs wrap around him to pull Hunter closer to you. Your hands wander hungrily over his strong back, his shoulders, and down his neck. He holds your gaze captive with his, penetrating deep into it as he moves inside you. The intensity increases steadily, exponentially. You can't look away, your faces so close together, your breath mixing, your panting and his huffing. However, as you near climax, your pussy tightening around his cock, his eyes roll back, he squeezes his eyes shut, you see his jaw muscles working and feel his thrusts become erratic, his thighs trembling with tension. Sweat gathers on his forehead "F-fuck... where? Where do you want me to-" You don't answer his question verbally, clenching your legs tighter around him, pushing his body tighter against yours as a result. Hunter tears open his eyes, a half-stuttered moan coming out of his mouth as your entire abdomen tightens, the pulse of your orgasm taking him with it. Shortly after, you feel him cum inside you, his seed filling your cleft. Two, three more lewd sounding wet thrusts into your filled pussy, and he stops, breathing heavily.

His gaze finds yours again, and you grin at him in satisfaction. He returns the gesture, then leans his sweaty forehead against yours and whispers, as if he doesn't want to ruin the moment, "I certainly didn't expect that to happen today". "Neither did I," you admit, "But I'm glad it happened." He laughs softly, gently. "Me too" He's still inside you, but you suddenly feel uncertainty rising inside you. "Is it going to happen again?" He chuckles. "Give me about 20 minutes" You say a little more seriously, "That's not what I meant". He lifts his head to look at you, his cock slowly softening inside you, but he doesn't leave your body yet. "You don't want to do it again?" "Yes, I do, but... Not just today." He smirks and says, "I like that thought".

You take a breath and say more boldly than you feel, "I want it to be more than a thought" Hunter looks at you thoughtfully, finally rolling off of you and getting wet wipes out of his backpack that is next to the bed. He helps you clean up, still seeming to be thinking as you wait tensely for a response. Finally, he says, lost in thought, "I never used to worry about that, I never had to worry about breaking that kind of rules." You feel your heart grow heavy in your chest. You watch Hunter dispose of the used wipes, then he lies back down with you, both of you still naked, and covers you both with the wool blanket from the emergency kit you had managed to salvage from the shuttle earlier. To your relief, he doesn't pull back thoughtfully, as you expected. He slides an arm under your shoulders and pulls you close to him. Hunter kisses your forehead, tasting the salt on your skin, and says, "I don't know what you'll face if we get caught, but I, for one, am willing to take the risk of being decommissioned."

Your fingertips brush over his chest, over the tattoo. "Are you sure?" you ask softly. Without hesitation, Hunter replies, "Absolutely sure." You snuggle closer into his embrace, then with a smirk you say, "How long will it take you to get ready for our next round?" He laughs softly, you feel the vibration in his chest before he says, "Just a few minutes, my beautiful."

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

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#hunter #hunter x reader #hunter fanfic #bad batch hunter #clone trooper hunter #hunter bad batch #hunter tbb #hunter x you #sergeant hunter #sergeant hunter x reader #sergeant hunter x you #tbb hunter #tbb hunter x reader #the bad batch hunter #hunter the bad batch #the bad batch #clone force 99 #star wars #sw tbb #hunter smut

[bagel-muncher]

You're THE SOUKAN guy, tell me every single soukan HC you have IMMEDIANTLY (this is a threat btw :3)

I literally started typing this all up before I went to bed last night and I woke up to see this... get out of my head bestie. I am honored to be thought of as the Soukan guy lmao.

Some Soukan hc's because my brain is wrong

First off, I see Yu as bi and Kanji as pan.

Yu fell first. He has no clue when it happened, but at some point, Kanji just went from one of his best friends to someone he couldn't really do without. Still, Yu doesn't confess. If any of y'all have played the New Days fangame, I think of it like that dream Velvet Room thing with Kanji, where Yu worries that being in a relationship with Kanji would just make his life harder. He knows that if he does feel the same he'd just grin and bear it, but he doesn't want Kanji to have to deal with more rumors and assumptions about him than he already does.

Kanji is the one who confesses. It's the classic "one fell first, the other fell harder". Yu had time to come to terms with his feelings and let them be, Kanji realized he was head over heels for Yu and almost explodes trying not to let it slip every time they hung out. Surprise surprise, he doesn't last long and tries to make some big romantic gesture, only for it to fail miserably. Luckily, Yu found it adorable and they started dating.

Yu expresses his love through physical touch. He prefers being quiet to talking, so it's the easiest way to make sure the people he cares about know he loves them. He does his best not to be too obnoxious about it in public for Kanji's sake, but he's constantly holding his hand, leaning onto him, or otherwise invading his space. When they are alone though, he's super cuddly. Kanji can't do much of anything if it doesn't allow letting his boyfriend hold him while he does it.

Kanji is all about acts of service and gift-giving. Words are hard and he struggles to be as unabashedly affectionate as Yu. So instead, he makes use of his skills in sewing and cooking to constantly make him gifts or treat him to meals. Even if some part of him is still embarrassed about his hobbies, he feels a lot better about it since he's doing it for someone he loves who wholeheartedly supports him.

Comfortable silence is the name of the game with them. Yu prefers not to speak, Kanji never knows what to say without feeling like he'll make a fool of himself. Still, he always felt like he had to fill the void Yu made with his silence until Yu eventually was able to convince him he didn't have to.

THE cat dads of all time. Yu showed Kanji the neighborhood strays one day and now they have them all named and Kanji comes by to help feed them from time to time. Kanji mentions getting a cat or two when they eventually get their own place, and Yu teases him for already fantasizing about them living together. (He has already imagined a full wedding and everything his ass should NOT be talking)

Dojima had very mixed opinions on them dating at first. There was the whole thing about Yu dating a guy in the first place, which while making Dojima a bit confused at first, he got past pretty quickly. The bigger problem was that it was Kanji. Dojima knew he really wasn't a bad guy, but he was stubborn and had trouble being comfortable with a guy with his reputation dating his nephew. Nanako really likes Kanji though, and with how often Kanji shows up with Yu and helps out while he's there, Dojima does grow to accept it. There's still a level of "Dad who makes sure his daughter's bf knows he owns a shotgun" energy, but he lets them be as long as they're responsible.

On the other hand, Kanji's mother was over the moon when she learned they got together. Yu's a great guy, and she's overjoyed that not only has her son started to make some great friends, but he even managed to snag himself a boyfriend.

I think Nanako would absolutely love to learn they're dating. Even if she still thinks Kanji looks scary, he's very sweet to her and makes Yu happy, so she adores him. He's basically already her brother-in-law in her mind.

Yu and Nanako have a frankly ridiculous amount of plushies that Kanji made for them. Nanako is of course overjoyed by the gifts, but Yu is starting to run out of space on his shelf.

Since Dojima is usually out late, Yu invites Kanji over often to have dinner with him and Nanako. It's part date, part making the work easier on himself. It's the exact sort of domestic fluff one would expect, the three of them having a great time cooking and eating dinner before watching TV together (Yu using Kanji as a pillow the entire time, ofc) before Nanako eventually has to be put to bed. Yu constantly jokes about them living just like this when they grow up and if they decide to start a family, and Kanji's red even as he denies how much he'd like that. These nights usually end up with Kanji staying too late to be out and having to stay over or straight-up falling asleep on the couch. Yu always has to deal with a lecture from Dojima the next morning, but getting to cuddle Kanji all night makes it more than worth it.

Honestly, I could write waaaaay more but I feel this is enough for now and I probably should focus that energy on actually writing lol.

#persona 4 #soukan #kanji tatsumi #souji seta #yu narukami #im so normal about them #unmentioned but we all know yosuke's jealous asf. he sees kanji and goes “IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME!!!”

[animeyanderelover]

How about any soft yandere you want with darling who's not real I mean all the thing they do and the darling itself just a sweet dream when the yandere's ask other people about us they seem to have no memory of us whatsoever, it'll crush yandere's heart especially the worshiper one (kaneki, Naruto etc)

That’s so sad😞.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion

They’re not real

Obito Uchiha

🔥He could definitely go delusional and crazy enough to fantasize himself a s/o. Obito has gone through severe trauma, lost his first love and has been thoroughly manipulated by Madara. The man lives isolated and humans are known to be social creatures so the loneliness might just have been the final push he needed to make you up in his mind, the ideal lover he so desperately longs for. You're sweet, you're kind and you're incredibly affectionate so how couldn't he fall for this dream his messed up mind has created to cope with his trauma. Obito is very delusional so he ends up wholeheartedly believing that you're real and since he is a complete loner, there is no one to prove him wrong. There are sometimes things that hint to him that you're not really there yet he pushes all those thoughts away by deluding himself even further. The Uchiha doesn't want to doubt your existence since it only crazes him further. It's safer if he just stays happy and delusional like this, not even heaven knows what would happen if someone would tell him.

Naruto Uzumaki

🍜Naruto has gone through his fair share of trauma and loneliness during his childhood too, no one he could call his friend. He only had you, his imaginery friend who he created out of pure loneliness back then. Whilst he finds during the following years many friends, he witnesses just as much loses and violence and sometimes is too terrified to speak about his emotions with someone else hence why he runs back to you. Somewhere down the road he starts losing track of the fact that you're not real and just a creation out of his mind. He's fallen in love by now and in his imagination you two are a couple, have gone on multiple dates already. Naruto is social so it's fairly quick that his friends find out about his delusional state. It's a delicate topic though because whilst initially he brushes the truth off as a joke from their side, with time he finds himself slowly crumbling when more and more people insist on it. He clings onto his delusion though, at one point yells at others to stop saying such cruel things since you're right here. Sakura and Tsunade will be especially worried.

Shaiapouf

🎻​His whole life and his purpose was to serve Meruem and protect him, it's literally the reason why he was born. He failed though, his king is dead and he's seemingly the only survivor from the Chimera Ants left. Shaiapouf might as well want to die though, he's basically just suicidal at this point, can't see why he should continue to exist without his king. He's a failure, better off to die anyways. His mind has a complete meltdown, he has to serve someone after all. So his mind ultimately comes up with you, perfect and graceful in any way he sees it fit. He goes down on his knees for the delusion he came up with, paranoid and incredibly broken yet serving you gives him a purpose in his life again. Shaiapouf lives far away from civilization, terrified that they might take away his new highness from him again. He has no one to tell him that his s/o is just a last way resort of his mind to cope with the immense suicidal wish inside of him. Any signs that might reveal themselves over time are instantly erased from his mind, unwilling to accept the reality.

Ken Kaneki

🔲​Kaneki has been living alone ever since his mother died and only had Hide as his friend. He pretty much broke already when he was turned into a half-ghoul and didn't want to accept the truth yet his sanity shattered entirely when Jason tortured him without a single break. Whilst he embraced the fact that he is a ghoul back then, he silently longs for someone who will really accept him as a ghoul, might silently still mourn over the loss of his humanity. The result his mind comes up with is his darling, sweet and loving, who loves him for the real him. Kaneki drowns himself in this self-created dream of his, escapes all the pain he had to go through. He's in despair when the ghouls in Anteiku tell him that they've never seen you, don't have a single memory of you despite him insisting that you two have visited this coffee shop together. Touka is especially hard to tell him the truth, mainly because she is worried for him. Kaneki violently rejects the truth though, locks himself up inside his apartment to avoid anyone who can shatter his delusions and his heart.

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere naruto uzumaki #yandere obito #yandere obito uchiha #yandere hunter x hunter #yandere hxh #yandere shaiapouf #yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere kaneki #yandere ken kaneki

[chubbening]

h-hey, I saw you are a trans female feedee and wanted to know... what's that like? With every passing week i'm more sure i'm trans and I'd love to gain some weight when i'm on hrt. So talking to someone who went through that would really help!

Hi there :)

So I am going to answer your question, but I always feel the need to preempt this things with some important points. Mainly, I can only speak on my personal experience as a feedee/gainer on feminizing HRT. If this is a topic you really want to dig into, I encourage you to get some different perspectives--maybe from some of the other gorgeous trans gals I'm always reblogging! My experience is not theirs, and it will not be yours. Everyone's path and results will vary, with the gaining, with the hormones, with the self-love.

All that said, this transformative experience has been incredible. I had wanted to gain weight lots of times over the years, both before and after I knew I was trans, before and after coming out, and before and after starting HRT. I kept holding back though because I didn't think I'd actually look good with more weight--because I hated my body as it was, so I wasn't able to gain from a place of self-love, which I think is so important. I think I was also restricting my eating as a way to exercise control over a body that had been shaped mainly by things outside of my control. Like, if I couldn't look like what I found attractive, I'd at least look conventionally attractive to other people.

HRT is the best health decision I've made in my life, and what I love most about it isn't even how it's changing my body (stick with me, we'll get there). My results are not universal, but within 24 hours of starting estradiol and spironolactone, I felt better. I felt more awake and in-tune with everything around me, it made my intrusive thoughts and bad days more manageable, it made the world a brighter place for me. It got rid of urges and desires I think would be too heavy for me to get into here, but you can probably guess.

I found that I could love myself, could love my body, which made me finally take the steps I wanted to change it. The hormones do their own work, of course, and I've been lucky on many fronts with that. My tits ain't stopping, my ass (which was already pretty good "for a guy") isn't either. The weight is going mostly where I like it, and the skin softening has helped with that too.

And here's the amazing thing, and why I think the self-love is so important out the gate. I'm not getting my "ideal" body. This isn't the body I used to fantasize about having. My hips are decent, but will probably never be where I want them relative to the rest of me.

But that's okay. It's okay! Before HRT, I didn't think I could accept anything less than total control sculpting my ideal body. Now, I get excited by every little change.

Like my face. I had the stereotypical face dysphoria thing where it just felt off looking at myself in the mirror. Uncanny, like that wasn't me, like it was just the mask of a suit the real me was wearing 24/7. The HRT changed that, probably a combination of fixing (some of) my brain chemistry and the physical changes to my face. Now, with gaining weight, my face is still changing, rounding out, but it still feels like me. It still looks like me.

Okay, after taking a lil break from writing this, I realize I could go on and on even more. (we didn't even get into how all this has healed my relationship to food!) If you have more specific questions, feel free to drop em. (And ask other trans femmes who are open to that!)

And if this is the way you decide to go, allow me to welcome you to the feeder-guy-to-feedee-girl pipeline. You'll have lots of company ;)

Always remember, make your decisions out of love for yourself, all bodies are beautiful, if you want to be trans you can just be trans.

<3

#me #ask #trans #long post

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

I dare you to fuck Shotaro - O.ST

Pairing: Osaki Shotaro x (fem!bodied) reader

Word count: 6066 words

AU/Genre: college!AU, smut, strangers to friends to enemies (meh) to lovers, fuckboy!Shotaro

Other idols: Lee Donghyuck / Haechan (bc it wouldn’t be a ybbp fic without him), Chou Tzuyu (Twice), Wang Yiren (Everglow), Han Jisung / Han (Stray Kids), Ju Haknyeon and Son Youngjae / Eric (The Boyz)

Warnings: mentioned past Haechan x reader, truth or dare, being dared to fuck (??), oral, fingering, rimming and slight anal play (f receiving), sex toys, praise, creampie, unprotected sex (wrap the willy, silly)

Summary: Osaki Shotaro. A man, a reputation. Don't let his adorable exterior fool you, that boy is freaky. Shotaro is widely known to be fuckboy number one, always a line of guys and girls waiting to get a taste of his performance. He might have a baby-like face, but his shenanigans in the sheets are everything but.

Would it be possible that this particular boy can help you with your little problem of not being able to cum?

(Spoiler: Donghyuck thinks: yes!)

You have a secret. Well, it's not really a secret anymore since the last party you attended, a game of truth or dare forcing you to reveal it to the public, but it's pretty personal.

Honestly, you've struggled with this for some time now. It had not only cost you your nerves, but also several relationships and hook-ups that could have been great, but turned out to be, over and over again, nothing but disappointing.

The problem is surely not with you, since you can get yourself off just fine with a bit of work and patience, but with them. The thing is: no one's ever made you cum, and gradually you begin to believe that no one ever will.

I mean, yeah, they'd gotten an 'almost' or an 'just a little more' or a few clenches out of you, but never the real thing. Of course, you're aware that this is not the end of the world, this is not that huge of a problem, but you can't help but to fantasize how it would be if someone finally made you cum. You'd probably fall in love with them immediately.

You believe that this has something to do with how long you've been trying for, like you're putting yourself under pressure at this point, thinking about nothing else but 'are they going to make me cum' while they're at it, you're not even relishing in the feeling of being with someone anymore. It's just always in the back of your head, and it pains you.

Maybe you should've accepted it by now. Maybe you should've just given up at this point, but there's this tiny little sparkle of hope that someday your knight in shining amour will come and save you from your misery.

Another weekend, another party, another game of truth or dare. You're sitting around in a circle with some of your friends, and some people that are not particularly your friends, but you've seen them around before.

Yiren, your closest friend ever since you started college, sits next to you. It's her turn to chose between truth or dare right now, and she's nervously picking at her fingernails.

Is this an overreaction? No. Because the person at the other end of the question or dare is going to be no other than Lee Donghyuck, and he is globally known to put people in the meanest situations. He's actually the one to hold accountable for the slip of your not-being-able-to-make-cum-problem.

"Truth?" Yiren finally decides on, hoping that Donghyuck will have mercy on her, but an evil grin begins to spread over his face. Even over the loud music blasting from downstairs, you can hear Yiren gulp.

"Who in this room would you fuck?"

Yiren presses her lips together. You know her all too well, noticing this specific look in her eyes as she's trying to come up with a clever reply. "Definitely not you, you ass."

"Okay, ouch, but that was not the question," Donghyuck reminds her and she rolls her eyes in annoyance, scanning over the group of people scattered around.

"I don't want to shag any of you fuckers," Yiren whines as her eyes come back to rest on Donghyuck who has a smug look on his face.

"You know what happens if you don't answer, right?" He asks, though he already knows the answer, and he knows that by setting up the rule that everyone who doesn't do a dare or answer a truth has to jump into the pool butt naked, he's already won the game.

"Fuck you, Hyuck," Yiren snarls, squinting her eyes at the mean little gremlin across from her, "Alright, if I had to let anyone of you stick his dick inside me, it would probably be Eric."

Loud noises appear, a wide variety of clapping, shouting, cursing and laughing is being displayed to your ears, and you can't help but to grin yourself. Eric looks more than proud, as if he's about to get up and ask Yiren out after what she'd said.

"But only because it'd be over quickly because he cums so fast," Yiren adds and grins, and Eric's smug facial expression falls from his face and drops onto the floor. Hell breaks lose around you as Eric gets teased and people applaud.

Once the noise dies down, Haknyeon speaks up, "I actually thought she'd say Shotaro, not gonna lie."

All eyes fall onto said man who grins cutely and takes a sip from his cup.

Osaki Shotaro. A man, a reputation. Don't let his adorable exterior fool you, that boy is freaky. Shotaro is widely known to be fuckboy number one, always a line of guys and girls waiting to get a taste of his performance. He's a dancer, so you can imagine what those hips can do. He might have a baby-like face, but his shenanigans in the sheets are everything but.

"Why him?" Han Jisung pipes up, and seems to be speaking everyone's mind.

"Haven't you heard the rumors?" Haknyeon looks around but is only met with bewildered stares or shaking heads. "He's a pussy magnet."

You can't help but fake a gagging noise at the expression, earning a few chuckles and a loud humored squeal from Yiren who smacks your thigh, making you grin.

"Is it true that you made a girl cum within 30 seconds?" It sounds from Eric, a little timid as he creates direct eye-contact with Shotaro. Apparently, he's heard about the rumors too?

Shotaro blushes a little, and the way he lowers his head and just begins grinning to himself speaks louder than any words could ever. Though, his introverted, almost shy persona makes you question the truth behind the statement. Shotaro just doesn't seem like the fuckboy everyone makes of him.

"You freaky bastard!" Donghyuck laughs as he hits Shotaro's shoulder. "Come on, spill the tea."

Shotaro sits up a little, looking around the circle. All eyes are on him once again, and he clears his throat nervously.

"It is true."

"Damn," Haknyeon brings out and people begin nodding.

"I mean, it's not that hard, really. You just have to know a woman's body and listen to her reactions. Oh, and foreplay," Shotaro explains, and his confidence grows visibly with every word as he receives impressed looks.

"It was fun hearing about your sex life, Taro, but could we continue? I don't want to be the only person embarrassed right now," Yiren pipes up and Shotaro nods, leaning back against the couch behind him. Donghyuck is reluctant though, he seems quite interested in Shotaro's words.

"Hyuck, don't embarrass yourself even further. Just say you can't make a girl cum and move on! You can ask Shotaro later for tips." You roll your eyes playfully.

The others of the group did not have to know, but you and Donghyuck go way back. Well, not really, just a few months, and you actually hooked up once. It wasn't bad, of course, how could it with how beautiful Donghyuck is, but, well, you didn't cum. And that kind of frustrated him, so you didn't do it again.

After a few weeks of not speaking to each other, you talked it out, finally, and decided to just stay friends after all.

"Shut up," Donghyuck growls, you know that's a sore point with him, "Wasn't it you who can't cum at all?"

"Touché," you mumble, readjusting your position on the carpet by pulling your knees up further to your chest.

"It's your turn, actually," Donghyuck says and you immediately regret the snarly remark you had thrown at him, "truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to fuck Shotaro."

Silence.

Donghyuck grins, feeling like he's won. "Hey," – he puts his hands up defensively – "I'm doing you a favor here."

"Donghyuck you can't make people fuck as a dare." Tzuyu pipes up for the first time tonight, being the eldest and therefore the voice of reason of the group, Donghyuck immediately closes his mouth.

"Facts," Haknyeon supports and you grin proudly. Though, the thought of fucking Shotaro does not leave your head as quickly as you thought.

The lawn behind the library of your university is of perfect use for a calm get together with your friend group. To your surprise, it's the same constellation as at the party the other night, and you end up sitting right next to Shotaro.

Whether you wanted it or not, said man has not left your brain for the past days since the party. You can't help but wonder if he actually could get you off. And at the same time, you can't say he's unattractive and doesn't spike your interest in more than one way, without lying.

Shotaro had always been cute in your eyes. Not only cute, but really attractive, especially as you saw him at one of his dance performances once. Even so, you had never made a move on him, it just never came up. You realize that right now would be the perfect opportunity.

How does one start a conversation, though?

"Oh, look who's sitting together." Donghyuck grins as he eyes the both of you. You glare at him, and Shotaro turns a little red.

That's how you start a conversation, you guess.

"I'm so sorry," you apologize to Shotaro next to you, but he smiles.

"It's okay."

Shotaro looks so cute up close, you find as you take in his face, cute eye smile full on display, just as his adorable bunny teeth. He's so cute, there's no way he fucks like he's rumored to.

"Do you want to go out sometime?" Shotaro suddenly asks and you're honestly a little taken aback by his straightforwardness. You scan over his face for any sign of this being some kind of prank, but you find none.

"Sure," you say, a smile spreading over your cheeks as you take Shotaro's phone from his hands as he gives it to you, putting in your number. Somewhere behind you, you hear someone inhale. "Donghyuck, I swear to God, one comment and I'm telling everyone about your tiny dick."

You knows that's a lie, but it's fun getting him angry.

"You know I can prove you wrong right now!"

A loud protest erupts from the group as Donghyuck gets up and begins opening his belt.

Days go by, and you and Shotaro meet up several times, but never alone. You don't talk much, but a little, and you quite enjoy his presence. You text much, though, everyday. You've not dared to push it into a suggestive direction yet.

Last time you saw each other, though, Shotaro had seemed different, a little drunker than usual, and extremely clingy, not that you mind, per se. Though, the comments he gave off were pretty unusual.

"Remember that night of the truth or dare game?" He had whispered in your ear. "You know I could help you out right? I'm great in bed, you know the stories. I could make you cum."

And as much as you hate to say this, because all of it was probably true and turned you on, you hate the way he said it to you like this. It made you want him even more, yes, but it was so out of character for him that you wonder whether you even know him or not.

His smugness doesn't fade after that evening, and he keeps throwing comments like these and you hate it, you really hate him for it. You hate his confidence, for some reason, and the way he keeps rubbing it under your nose.

It's like something flipped the switch in him, making him all cocky and unbearable. You just want your cute Shotaro back, who might be a fuckboy, but doesn't show his smug confidence that he has every right to have. It pains you, but you find yourself spending less time with him, texting back less frequently and avoiding him when you see him in the hallways, quickly turning around and rushing in the other direction with fast steps.

You don't know if he notices, but he doesn't show it. You really wonder what's gotten into him to make him act like that. Maybe this is just his usual self, and he's fooled you before. Maybe he's not cute, not ever, maybe he is just a douchebag.

The worst thing about this: you still want him.

Sometimes, you wonder how Donghyuck does it. One moment, you arrive at the party, ready to get drunk and dance with your friends, the next you're back upstairs in that stinky room that smells like cheap beer and weed, only to sit on the dirty carpet playing truth or dare once again.

The tension in the air thickens as soon as you notice Shotaro squeezing through the door and sitting down on the floor across from you. You gulp, averting your gaze, but you find yourself repeatedly eyeing him every few seconds. He looks great with his oversized clothing, and you're sure that he sports some serious muscle underneath the layers of fabric.

Shotaro seems to have noticed your presence as well, eyes roaming over your figure wrapped in a short skirt and a wide shirt, similar to his. You can practically feel him undressing you with his eyes, and though you're still kind of upset with him, you can't deny the tingling heat of lust rushing through your veins.

It annoys you.

"Guys," Donghyuck claps his hands together, making you jump, "today's alternative for the game is", he pulls a little bowl from behind his back, showing the folded pieces of paper inside to the crowd, "pick one and follow the instructions."

The moderate level of drunkness of the group causes everyone to just nod along, agreeing to the new rule since that means none of them have to get much more creative with trying to come up with a punishment. In addition to that, Tzuyu is currently not around, and if it's not her then there's no stopping Donghyuck.

The game starts and you wonder how it's still interesting after having played so many times before, you're honestly surprised that there's still some information about the other players that you weren't aware of.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

It's Shotaro's voice and you look up at him immediately, earning an evil grin from Donghyuck that you – lucky for him – do not notice.

"Who do you have a crush on?" Eric asks him, and even though the question is rather innocent compared to some others, Shotaro goes silent. About a minute passes by, and Shotaro seems to be deeply in thought about his next words.

"Pass," he finally settles on, and you could swear that his eyes flicker over at you for a second. A series of gasps erupt from the crowd and Donghyuck is quick to jump onto his feet, holding the bowl with the pieces of paper right under Shotaro's nose with a grin.

Shotaro presses his lips together, but still reaches in to pull a piece out. Everyone's holding their breath as he unfolds it slowly, snorting as he reads what's written on the paper.

"What?"

"What is it?"

Grinning in disbelief, Shotaro turns the piece of paper around to show everyone the writing on the inside. You close your eyes in annoyance, breathing out heavily through your nose to keep yourself from jumping Donghyuck and ripping his throat out.

Do what Donghyuck says.

That guy's got nerves.

Donghyuck claps his hands together, then begins rubbing his palms against each other like a fly. "Alrighty, what should I do with you."

"Hyuck, you're such a pain in the ass, I swear to God," you can't hold the words back that tumble out of your mouth, unfiltered.

A big, bad mistake, you realize just seconds later.

"Ah, if this isn't Miss Dry-Pussy."

"It's not dry, and you know it. I can get plenty wet, it's just hard for me to cum!" You protest, sending Donghyuck a salty look all while missing the way Shotaro's eye bulge out of their sockets for a brief second at your statement.

"Well if you have so much to say, why don't you say it to him as he makes you cum?" Donghyuck grins sinisterly, and you blink slowly at him. "Excuse me?"

"Yes! That is my final decision. Shotaro, your punishment is: make her cum!"

You begin to protest loudly, screaming profanities of all sorts at Donghyuck as you get dragged away into a spare room, which you later realize is actually Donghyuck's bedroom, alongside Shotaro, the door shut right into your face.

You inhale deeply before turning around to Shotaro. He opens his mouth to say something, but you raise your hand to stop him from doing so.

"Let's get this over with," you sigh before plopping down on Donghyuck's bed, kicking off your panties under your skirt. A few seconds go by and nothing happens, so you lift your head off the mattress to look at Shotaro. "What are you waiting for?"

Apparently, this, because one second later, Shotaro is already hovering above you. "Tell me if I should stop."

For a brief second, you're perplexed, but then Shotaro leans down to your neck, his breath fanning over your skin before his lips begin touching it gently. The second you feel him making direct contact with your body, you melt into the mattress. Of course, you're still confused, and a little mad (and extremely angry at Donghyuck for putting you in this situation), but that doesn't make you want him any less. Not that you would ever admit to that.

Though, the way he begins letting his hands wander over your body makes it extremely hard to resist him.

"J-just do it already," you let out, trying to make your voice sound as stable as possible, but failing miserably. Shotaro chuckles, making quick eye contact with you before moving down your body. He lays on his stomach in between your legs, running his hands over the expanse of your naked thighs, groping the flesh between his fingers and you dare to glance down at him.

Big mistake, you realize, the sight of him with glazed over eyes as he stares at your core, licking his lips is too hot to handle, making you clench involuntarily. Of course, he notices, but he doesn't comment on it.

Gently, he spreads your legs further, then leans in to kiss along the insides of your thighs. His breath tickles a little, the sensation striking right into your core as he sucks and nibbles his way up to your hole.

Just as you think he's going to dive in finally, he only switches sides, the only thing touching your clit being his breath as he switches from your left leg to your right and the other way around, until finally, he delivers a gentle kiss onto your folds.

You groan out, then realize what your doing and immediately slap a hand over your mouth. He might be doing fantastic so far, but he really doesn't have to know that.

Next, he licks along your slit, parting your folds with his wet muscle before sucking on them, switching up his motions until his tongue pushes into you a little. You bite into the back of your hand at the sensation, eyebrows scrunching up as you clench for him again.

Slowly, Shotaro works his way up to your clit, spitting on it for some extra wetness before he begins sucking. Not too hard to overwhelm you, not too gently to bore you, just perfect in intensity to make you feel the tingling sensation in your stomach beginning to form.

After making sure your clit is wet enough, he plunges his tongue back into your hole, bringing one of his hands up to rub circles into your bundle of nerves with his thumb. You're letting out embarrassingly whiny sounds at this point, glad that the music from downstairs drowns them out just enough for Shotaro to miss them, hopefully.

His ministrations feel incredible, honestly, the rumors seem to be true.

"You taste so good," Shotaro mumbles against your skin before continuing to lick into you and your unoccupied hand grabs onto the sheets underneath you to ground yourself. Shotaro's oral skills? Amazing. Shotaro's oral skills combined with his dirty talk? Fuuuuuck.

Shotaro keeps his thumb working on your clit as he begins licking a little lower until his tongue swipes over your rim. All muscles in your lower region seem to clench simultaneously, a choked moan leaving your mouth that you couldn't hold back.

"Hm, did that feel good?"

He does it again, this time applying more pressure and you respond with another whine, pushing your hips onto his tongue. Shotaro continues, throwing more spit into the mix that you can feel trickling down onto Donghyuck's bed, but that's honestly his own fault.

His tongue pushes past your ring muscle and your eyes roll back at the amazing feeling. Once Shotaro seems satisfied with how wet both of your holes are, he removes his thumb from your clit.

"I want you to be loud for me, can you do that? Let me know what feels good, yeah?"

Hazy minded, you nod, and this honestly surprised you after your initial plan to let this flop. Shotaro attaches his lips to your clit this time, and he begins pressing his tongue flat against it, grinding it all over the sensitive nub. Meanwhile, his middle finger circles your hole before slowly pushing inside.

Finally begin filled so deeply makes you moan again, and you begin to lose all control and give into him. The sounds just casually flow out of your mouth now, letting him know that he's doing so great.

He moves the digit inside of you, feeling up your walls and stretching you out just a little more before he adds a second finger. Shotaro moves them in and out of you, letting you adjust to the feeling of having something inside of you before he stills, angling his fingers upwards to directly push into your g-spot.

At this, you choke out a groan, shuffling to prop yourself up onto your forearms to be able to look at him, and fuck does he look hot like this. Shotaro repeats the motions and you fall back onto your back, eyes rolled back into your head.

His other hand pushes your legs further apart, and he moves a little until he you feel the pointer finger of his other hand circle your rim. You mewl, pushing back into the sensation and Shotaro chuckles against your clit.

You hate to admit this, but what he's doing seems to be working. The way he's been touching you, and the way you've been holding back all this time, not focussing on orgasming at all apparently is all you needed all this time.

With other words: you're close, you're really close, and Shotaro speeds up his movements just slightly before maintaining a steady pace, feeling the way you keep clenching around him as you grind against his tongue.

You try to warn him, tell him that it's happening, it's really going to happen, but you can't, just too overwhelmed with what you're feeling to get out a proper syllable. Instead, you stutter out his name, or parts of it, and moan loudly.

The finger on your puckered hole finally pushes in, not far, just enough for you to really feel it, and that's what does it for you. Your hands fly up to grab at his hair, pushing him closer into your core as finally, after all these years, your long awaited orgasm washes over you.

You see stars, toes curling almost painfully as you scream out, with your eyes closed and muscles clenching as you let the wave of pleasure consume you fully as it washes over your form.

It's intense, to say the least, so much more than when you do it yourself, and as the throbbing finally dies down and Shotaro gently cups your sex, you feel high like never before. The situation is so overwhelming that you feel your throat close up a little, tears forming underneath your eyelids.

He made you cum, someone just made you cum. Osaki Shotaro did just make you cum, and seemingly effortlessly, at that. It's too much, and you can't even think straight. You're afraid what will happen next, you're afraid that you're going to cry in front of him, having to explain yourself.

The anxious feeling quickly fades as you feel Shotaro lay down beside you, wrapping an arm around your body to pull you into his chest. You deeply inhale his scent, cuddling into him without a care in the world about how pathetic you might seem right now, pushing him away all this time until now. Because he's there for you, and he holds you, and he doesn't push you to do anything.

You wake up. For a second, you ask yourself where you are, then memories of the night prior come flying back into your brain. Pushing the blanket off of you, you realize that someone had put your panties back on, and you really hope that someone was Shotaro.

Getting up, you stumble out of the room, mind still fuzzy from sleep as you make your way into the kitchen to get something to drink. Glass filled to the brim in your hand, you turn away from the faucet to sit down at the table for a minute to collect your senses.

You shriek, water spilling everywhere as you're met with Donghyuck's form already sitting at the table. Hair tousled and face still puffy from sleeping, he grins at you knowingly.

"You scared me, you nasty gnome," you huff, not even bothering to dry the water stains on the floor with anything but your sock before you sit down.

"How was it?" Donghyuck's smirk does not falter in the slightest.

"What?"

"What?!" Donghyuck shrieks, alarmed, "What do you think?!"

"I slept okay, your mattress is a little too soft for me."

"I meant cumming???"

You stifle a laugh, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't act like it, the whole neighborhood heard you moaning the house down last night," Donghyuck deadpans and a small blush creeps onto your face.

"Okay, you win. It was great."

"So he- he really-?"

"Yes, he made me finish."

Donghyuck pads your back, nodding proudly, "I'm glad."

"Thank you?"

"So are you, like, together now?" Donghyuck nudges your shoulder with his, wiggling his eyebrows, but you only raise yours in response.

"No, why would we?"

Donghyuck's happy face drops, a frown appearing instead, "what do you mean, I made him perfect for you." You look at him as if he's crazy, with squinted eyes and furrowed brows.

"I told him that you like straightforward boys, like me!"

"You did what?!" You shriek, slapping onto his arm repeatedly, Donghyuck flinching away, "that's why he was acting so weirdly all of a sudden?!"

The whole morning, you try to contact Shotaro, calling and texting him several times, but he never picks up nor responds to your armies of question marks. You're concerned, but mostly just annoyed because you can't wait to tell him that he should, please, for the love of God, just behave like himself and not like Donghyuck, and you'll marry him in a heartbeat.

The wrinkles on your forehead increase with every movement of the hour arm of the clock on your wall when he hasn't responded all noon either. You've tidied your whole dorm room, even cleaning the windows and bathroom, went shopping for groceries and scrolled on TikTok until your battery died (which lead to you screeching loudly, ramming the charger into your phone with such force you're surprised it didn't break).

When it's slowly dawning outside, you decide that it's enough. You text Yiren, and being the popular It-girl she is, she sends you Shotaro's address just a couple of minutes later. You don't know where she got it from, but honestly, you don't want to know.

Slipping into your jacket after making sure you look presentable and smell fresh and rosy, you make your way outside. Shotaro's dorm room seems to be pretty close to the house Donghyuck lives in, and you're not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

After a few minutes, you stand in front of his door. You inhale deeply, then exhale quickly through your mouth to encourage yourself before you smash your finger onto the door bell.

Half a minute later – approximately, it's not like you were counting the seconds or anything – the door opens, revealing Shotaro's figure. You believe he'd gotten a little taller and a little more muscular since last night, or at least he seems like it as your eyes fall directly onto his naked torso.

Your mouth falls open, and you shamelessly ogle his defined pecs before catching yourself, sucking the drool that's been creeping out of your mouth back inside, eyes snapping up to lock with his.

"Hi," is all you bring out. Maybe you should've rehearsed this a little more.

"Hi."

"Can," you look at your hands as you pull the sleeves of your shirt over them, then back into his eyes, "I come in?"

He nods, stepping aside to let you enter. You do, kicking your shoes off before stepping forward to sit on his couch, fanning yourself with your hands since you're more than a little nervous now.

Shotaro sits down next to you, and an awkward silence arises.

"I like you," you suddenly blurt out, deciding to go for broke and just put it out there.

"You do?" Shotaro raises his eyebrows at your statement. You nod your head harshly, and Shotaro begins smiling.

"I like you too."

Now, you only have to find out how in the hell Donghyuck convinced him to behave like a douchebag.

"Ya, Taro, come over here for a second," Donghyuck pulls Shotaro away into the kitchen, the younger stunned by the action, but not fighting against it. Once they're inside, the music a little muffled by the closed door and tiles on the walls, Donghyuck pours Shotaro a drink which the ladder gladly accepts.

"So," Donghyuck fills his own cup with the same questionable mixture and takes a sip, Shotaro following suit, "tell me all your secrets."

"What do you mean," Shotaro grins cutely, taking another sip from the surprisingly sweet drink.

"You know what I mean. Help a brother out, you seem to know a whole lot about girls, so spill the tea, my man. I'll give you anything in return."

Shotaro giggles at Donghyuck's eagerness, "alright, but you seem to know ___ really well, so tell me everything you know about her, then I'll tell you what to do."

"Alright," Donghyuck's eyebrows jump up quickly, tongue poking through his cheek before he continues talking, "I've actually been with her, but it didn't work out. But I guess that means she's into guys like me."

"Guys like you?"

"Bold, straightforward, extroverted, loud, funny, beautiful, sexy, something like that."

Shotaro chuckles.

"I think you should tell her this..." Donghyuck says before leaning forward to whisper into Shotaro's ear, the younger nodding, taking everything in to be able to win you over.

"I can't believe you- actually, I don't care, just know that Donghyuck's full of shit and you should never listen to a thing he says," you giggle and Shotaro smiles, nodding.

You gaze into each other's eyes.

"Not to be... weird, but, uh," you fiddle with your sleeves until Shotaro reaches out to grab your hand. You look up at him, and suddenly, his lips are on yours, kissing you passionately.

Your hands roam his exposed skin, pulling him closer to you until he's hovering above you, your tongues dancing together as you grind your hips up against his. You're hoisted up, Shotaro carrying the both of you to his bedroom.

"Please make me cum again," you sigh into the kiss and you can feel Shotaro chuckling against your lips. Quickly, both of your clothing is discarded on the floor as you lay on the bed, and his fingers stroke over your walls, getting you ready for his cock.

He rolls you onto your side to lay behind you, hoisting one of your legs up to push the tip of his length against your hole. You whine at the feeling, pushing back against him until you feel him beginning to fill you.

Shotaro's big, really big, but not big enough to hurt or make you uncomfortable. He fills you slowly, pressing gentle kisses to your neck as he bottoms out, your eyes closing at the sensation.

Gently, he begins moving inside of you, hips pressing deeply against yours to make you feel all of him deep in you. You feel hazy already, the stimulation of his slow strokes such a stark contrast to the usual frantic rhythm you're accustomed to.

"I think you're going to like this," Shotaro whispers against your neck. You wonder what he means, but the next second, you feel a vibrating sensation tingling over your clit, forcing a surprised whimper out of you.

Your hands fly behind you, one to grab onto the back of his head, the other onto his ass to make sure he isn't going anywhere. The tip of his cock drags deliciously over your g-spot in this position, and you believe he must've studied the arts of sex long enough to graduate.

"Is it good, baby?" He breathes into your neck, "because to me this feels like heaven."

You whine, pressing further back against him while nodding your head weakly, too lost in the pleasure to speak. He understands, seemingly also the effect his words have on you, so he continues.

"You're doing so good for me baby, just relax, let me take care of you. You're so beautiful, fuck."

He presses the vibrator directly onto your clit, upping the intensity of the device and you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. Shotaro distracts you with his words as the question of 'is he going to make me cum again' threaten to creep back into your brain.

"You're so wet for me, so pretty," Shotaro moans into your ear, hand holding onto your hips to be able to fuck into you a little faster, "You're doing so well, taking me so well, feels so fucking good."

"H- 'm-" you whine out, so close to cumming that you can taste it on the tip of your tongue, moving your hips in sync with his.

"Let go for me, baby," Shotaro gasps, hips not stuttering as he pushes your over the edge, and this time, it's even more intense than last time, bringing tears to your eyes that immediately begin rolling down your cheeks to seep into the sheets, all while you moan like there's no tomorrow.

"Thank you," you sob turning your head to lock your lips with his as Shotaro removes the vibrator by shutting it off and throwing it off the bed.

"Can you handle it a bit more?" Shotaro asks against your lips, and you nod.

"Cum in me, please."

Shotaro groans at this, the pace of his thrusts quickening, his grip on your hips hardening as he pistons his hips harshly against yours. You whine out, weak from your orgasm, but still so willing to take all that he's giving you.

It doesn't take long for him to cum, pushing into you deeply as he empties himself, choking out a deep groan.

You lay there in silence, catching your breaths. You turn around, cuddling into his chest and he wraps his arms around you to pull you closer, making you feel safe in his arms. Your heart swells and you can't believe you're right here with him, and he's gotten you off again.

Your breath comes out shakily before you speak, "you're the first ever to make me cum, and I know it is way too early for this, so don't take it seriously, but I think I love you."

Shotaro chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, "it's okay. I'd love to be the only one that ever made you cum..."

"Is this you asking me out?" You mumble, already half asleep at this point, "because I'd love to go out with you."

© 2022 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

#neohub #riize smut #nct #nct smut #nct u #osaki shotaro #shotaro smut #shotaro x reader #fem reader #college!AU #kpop #smut #han jisung #ju haknyeon #eric #tzuyu #yiren #twice #everglow #stray kids #the boyz #nct haechan #lee donghyuck #nct dream #nct 127 #riize shotaro

[yandereaffections]

Congrats on the 12K bro! You deserve em all and then some!

I didn't see a specific limit for the alphabet, so if I have too many feel free to ignore the others.

A, D, E, I, K, L, O, T and X for yandere Nanami please 💜

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Nanami starts off distant, respecting your space in his words despite how much the back of his brain fantasizes about simply holding you close to his chest like a doll. He doesn't want to scare you off therefore Nanami will let his thoughts build up until his darling plays out one of his daydreams without meaning to, suddenly hes pulling you into long embraces each morning before be leaves for work and absolutely smothers you in his hold when the shifts over

In regards of intensity it can indeed get overwhelming if his dearest doesn't make Nanami aware of his own actions beforehand. It might leave him to sulk on his side of the bed for awhile but he thanks you for pointing it out, after all he does truly want the best for you. If you hold your tongue this huge man might cause you several unpleasant hours of being uncomfortably pressed against him on the couch and basically held prisoner in bed whenever he isn't preoccupied with a responsibility

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

As stoic as he can come off Nanami genuinely loves you, cares for you more than the average partner would and isn't ashamed to admit it. As capable as he is Nanami wouldn't force anything that isn't for your own good on his darling, basic necessities such as food and water being the acception if you go on a hunger strike in protest of being captured like some animal

The days after being kidnapped are just like a stereotypical married life, except you have to show you can be trusted before your new lover allows you access to simple things such as the kitchen and eventually letting you live out your normal life as if he didn't force you into a long term relationship with him. The worst case scenario would be if you tried to escape, hurt him or yourself, the moment he needs to take control there's no hesitation to preserve his perfect life with you even if it means chaining you down with no room to struggle

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

In the beginning he tended to be very matter of fact with his expressions of love, or any emotion really. Stating that youve been put through the whole process of being kidnapped simply because he loves you, nothing else to say on the topic. As time goes on he explains each time a little more vividly, adding how you consume every thought he might have despite it not relating to you at all, sometimes straight up telling you the fantasy's that swirl around his head, he's love sick without a doubt.

The more Nanami shows the more he prepares himself to be manipulated, for you to try and sway with his own feelings. If you do attempt to get your way to freedom by turning his feelings back on him by saying something along the lines of "if you love me you'd let me go" he'll revert back to stating his feelings as a fact and going through the whole process again.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Nanamis daydreams of having you as the perfect stay at home partner where he returns to you happy just to get to hold you at the end of the day, enjoy the rest of the time till he eventually drags you two into bed for sleep, definitely played a big part in what he expected before snatching his darling up. In all reality Nanami doesn't actually force you down into that role, you've been free to do whatever you'd wish as long as there's no destructive behavior to the relationship

You actually surprised him by what his dearest has set out to do, whether it's climbing up a career path or simply enjoying small hobbies with him relaxing at home, he always seems impressed with what you make of yourself and speaks on it, though in a rather monotone way you know he admires your products

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

You still see the typical strong silent character he defaults to, just with a bit more spice added into the mix. Nanami will let you lean and rely on him the same way he'll do to you, always open for conversation on anything that bothers you while he plays with your hair. Ranting on about the stunt Gojo pulled that he basically cleaned up after, chilling with you in silence sinking into the cuddly hold he has on you

Giving you acts of service as a showing of love, whether that be cooking dinner or massaging out the knots in your back Nanami gives his time specifically as a showing that he's dedicated to you, more than he is the work that pulls him away from you so often nor the coworkers that poke and tease him about getting him to take you out with them on a adventure of some sort so they can see how sweet he treats you, his dearest is what's important to him and Nanami will make sure that's clearly shown to you

#12000 celebration #tk #yandere alphabet #nanami kento #nanami x y/n #nanami x reader #yandere nanami #nanami imagine #nanami headcanons #jjk #jjk fanfic #jjk x you #yandere jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yandere jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen imagines #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines #yandere imagine #yandere x you

[littlerosette]

favorite fic dynamics

i saw a post recently by @onwriting-hrarby where she described three of her favorite relationship dynamics that she wrote in her fics and i wanted to try it too! so these are mine, and like she said in her post, feel free to do it too!

number three: eren and mikasa’s complicated friendship in “second impressions.” there’s an old love there that’s at the root of everything they do and everything they say to each other, but it’s become twisted due to eren’s initial antagonism towards her, then due to reveal of what he did while with zeke. aka the “no one knows me like you do. no one can hurt me like you can” pair.

“I heard a troubling rumor,” he said, finally glancing up at her. In his eyes, she found stone, the harsh edge of granite, cutting into her. “About a boy we both knew.”

Mikasa bit into the soft muscle of her cheek, tasting iron. Her breath caught in her chest, twisting painfully, and all she could think was: who? Who saw us? Who told?

What did they say?

Did they describe:

Eren with his hand around her forearm, snarling. Mikasa glaring up at him. Both of them spitting at each other, hurling insults, seeking to inflict injury onto the tender places only known between them, simply because they could, because it was easy to press on each other’s bruises like children and say, see? See what I can do to you?

number two: padmé and vaderkin in the “the devil wept.” not a lot has been explored about their relationship just yet, but i want to say that they have an intimate loathing towards each other. it will grow even deeper once their spiritual connection starts to really manifest. aka the “i hate him so much that sometimes when i look at him, i can hardly breathe” pair.

She flinches when she hears him, but doesn’t turn around, keeping her back to him. Vader stares at it, fantasizing about how easy it would be to skewer through it. She was slim, petite and underfed. It would take barely any effort at all.

“I can feel what you’re thinking,” she says in her bravest voice, finally chancing a look at him. Her face is blanched pale. “My only request is that you make it quick.”

Vader regards her as she sits up. Her fingers curl around the edge of her durasteel bench-bed, visibly shaking. She makes such a compellingly sad image that he finds himself wanting to take her up on the offer, if only to quell the rampaging beast inside him; it wants his teeth around her neck. Her blood in his mouth.

number one: eren and mikasa’s tortured longing in “you are the knife i turn inside myself.” this fic was fascinating to write because i was in love with the idea of writing a love story that felt painful and reluctant. mikasa never really forgets who he is throughout the story, but she allows herself to love him despite never truly forgiving him. eren, meanwhile, deludes himself into believing that she is the exception of her kind, and only vows to change his worldview at the end, so we never see his true metamorphosis. it’s a bittersweet love story. aka the “i longed for him and he disgusted me” pair.

“And if you want to turn me away that’s okay too,” he says, wrecked. “I-I’ll accept it. I’ll give you money so that you can buy food and shelter and I’ll—“

She shushes him, lifting his head from her knees and sliding her palms over his cheeks. She stares down at him, at his wet, vibrant green eyes and the tear marks that slip down to his chin. He has the face of a murderer. She’s seen it. She’s seen what his hands look like when coated with blood, and she despises him for how profoundly he can hate what he doesn’t understand, and yet—

And yet she loves him too. She loves him despite the fact; she loves him because of it. It’s not the airy, light feeling she’s heard about from her older sisters. It’s deep and sinking. It claws and twists and maims at her from the inside, but it’s hopeful. Love is hopeful. Loving him will always feel like taking a leap of faith.

this was fun!! i love this idea so much, hera😭❤️

#tdw readers look especially at the first one lmao #drawing a lot of inspo from that dynamic #anidala #eremika #my fics #the devil wept #witch-hunter #second impressions #fic game

[bringcal]

Why I think Jake has NPD as someone who is also a pw/NPD.

Just a heads up, this isn’t to say Jake is evil, wrong, or abusive. He is a random character. There is nothing wrong in having NPD, and I swear to fucking god if I see someone in the notes say I’m ruining his character by making him “bad” or look like an “asshole” I’m going to scream. Jake is a good person. NPD doesn’t make you bad. Also note I’ll probably say “narcissist” or “narc” rather than pw/NPD even though the latter is more formal and respectful. I personally just don’t mind it.

Poor self esteem regulation

With NPD, self esteem and ego is entirely dependent on the validation and attention of others. Though narcs may not value what everyone thinks, if you’re particularly close to them or they think you’re on the same level as them or higher, your opinion on them and reaction to them will completely change how they feel about themselves. This is one of Jake's key features to who he is, as it seems with every single interaction he has, he is in constant chase of validation from others. We see him express high amounts of shame over himself when he feels like he doesn’t do something right, such as when his friendships were heavily strained because of him. This leads to assumptions of how other people think of him, and of himself.

Like pw/NPD, he also gets sudden, strong ego boosts when perceiving validation and approval:

But can also immediately crash when people question his worth, which vriska does right after.

Also like to add, he also experiences power struggles with people he thinks aren’t as ‘good’ as him. In Jakes way, this hierarchy manifests most on morality and judgement. Though he ultimately dislikes Caliborn, he accepts Caliborn's promise of making him a better person as he sells it to Jake that it’s in his best interests, but still takes any chance he can get to kick down Caliborn a notch to get him back for insulting him and his friends rather than being subservient.

Jake is very impressionistic to get what he wants.

Jake talks in a really unique way against the other kids, in a way that's more impressionistic and vague in order to be liked. He follows the beat of others drums in his own way to seem likable, slightly changing the way he talks to different friends he has so they will like him more and he can feel more accomplished. This is nothing new that Jake does this to a point of almost seeming like he is constantly a part of a script of a movie. This is also the thing many people point to when talking about Jake’s unintentional ( or maybe arguably intentional ) manipulation.

Even with the relationships he makes, he tends to go with the flow on what others want to make of him, thinking their happiness and approval they’ll express will be exactly what he needs, without thinking too far on the relationship and emotions itself.

Jake is highly involved in himself without realizing it.

Jake, In many early conversations gets called a douche or an asshole  for how he carries himself through conversation. In many conversations. He can be almost insufferable with the way he talks about himself forever or tries to make other peoples topics about himself. A huge misconception is that narcissists know what they’re doing and they make everything about them because they only care about themselves, which really isn’t true. Jake cares about his friends, and doesn’t really fully realize when he starts focusing on himself during conversation. However, He’s labelled as a douche and creates many problems he doesn’t intentionally want to cause because of it, later being considered an idiot because he doesn’t actually realize how self centered he can come across.

Jake is highly interested in fantastic views of himself.

Jake is highly involved in wanting to be the hero and get the girl. His view of masculinity is completely warped by the ideas he saw on screen, and this has led him to fantasize about himself being the hero, getting the girl, and being liked. Narcs heavily rely on fantasy and daydreaming about themselves and their own goals as a way of ego regulation and comfort, also shaping their identity with it. Anything a narcissist finds cool? You better know they’re going to want to embody it. We can see this attitude early in his introduction, fantasizing about kissing his ultimate fictional crush, and thinking of himself as way more active and adventurous than he actually is. He also actively finds comfort in fantasizing about these things.

Though this doesn’t fit super tight into this section, Jake also feels as though he is special, indicating that he doesn’t think anyone would really understand him. This isn’t in the way he thinks he is better than everyone, but in a way that isolates him and can only be understood by certain people, such as caliborn, who is also self centered but, unlike jake, disregards and exploits others very overtly, which is why they don’t get along too well in the end.

Jake has problems with affective empathy.

Something really important to know is that empathy, sympathy, and compassion are different things.  Empathy is feeling what another person is feeling, Sympathy is feeling bad for someone's predicament, and Compassion is actively helping someone in their situation. With NPD, affective empathy is strained while logical empathy isn’t. Affective empathy means accurately feeling what another person is feeling. This means feeling the same sadness someone feels. While logical empathy is not feeling the emotion, but logically understanding the reaction the person is having.

Jake, time and time again, shows very limited empathy for his friends, and doesn’t really think about how they feel. While this is exceedingly obvious when him and Jane have a whole argument while Jane is setting up her birthday, this is also obvious in other situations.

Here, Dirk is surrounded by fire, yet Jake doesn’t really wonder how Dirk himself is feeling, only wondering on how to act as fast as he can, which is more compassionate without empathy.

Though, of course he was probably just panicking too much, which is fair. This is another example, where Erisolsprite is clearly upset with the way Jake has been handling his relationship and finds it draining to everyone including himself, but Jake takes it more personally without considering why he said this in the first place:

You can kind of see the jist here. Characters such as Roxy show way more concern or interest in others' wellbeing. Not that Jake doesn’t, but when he does he usually takes it personally, applying  how the news effects himself first than about the other person, and relies more on being compassionate without really thinking it through. He does experience logical empathy though, seen with roxy, where after it being explained to him realizes that what he said is slightly inconsiderate at the strength of emotions over this topic:

I didn’t provide many examples here because I was rushing but I could go on. This, at the very least, would make him meet the criteria for Narcissistic personality disorder.  Other traits I would’ve liked to touch on was his strong envy over others, but this trait is rather mild against the others. Though, It’s worth quickly pointing it out.

Reading Jake from this lens is rather interesting and just thought to talk about it a bit.

#i also think hes autistic #jake english

[littlemissmanga]

hi ya, Beth! 🥰 I would love to hear your HCs for a Yen x Kix ship and/or a Yen x Wolffe ship 🫣

Anything for you, Sev!

And you gave me not one, BUT TWO, fun troopers to fantasize over. This was really fun, I hope you enjoy!

Yen x Kix

It takes a little while for them to get together. Both are so professional and doesn't want to assume things of the other so they're stuck in this flirtationship but could pass as friends stage for far too long. Their friends would have to step in to get them around one another in a purely social situation and steer the conversation gently in the right direction.

Acts of Service up the wazoo. These two are just two lil overachievers who show affection by taking care of one another. Kix meal preps to make sure Yen has a healthy lunch and encourages her to stick to a workout routine. Yen organizes everything about Kix's transition to civilian life, as well as his life in general. Especially when it comes to things like remembering Jesse's anniversary or that Fives got a promotion, etc.

They both overwork and burn themselves out. Usually, it's at different times, so the other will pull extra weight until the worst passes. But every so often, they sync up. When that happens, it's Kix who calls uncle (and forces Yen to). He'll call them both out of work, pass off all responsibilities etc, for like a week, with some days spend resting and recovering and some getting the tasks that need doing done. Yen likes to do those first since she struggles to relax when things aren't done, but Kix insists on at least one full rest day to start.

Arguments between these two are silent and tense. Neither really blows up at the other, but they're both stubborn. Fortunately they're both also mature and not really instigators, so rarely will things be said without thought, but neither holds back and can be a bit harsh when expressing their perspective.

Switch City, bitch; Switch, Switch City, bitch. Who's gonna top, no one knows. Seriously these two bounce back and forth like ping pong, though Kix leans slightly more sub in this dynamic and Yen leans more dom. But hell, that can change literally minute to minute. They trust one another explicitly and so both feel so comfortable being in control or yielding it as needed for either them or the other. It's very sexy ... but they have gotten confused in the middle of play before. It's earned a small laugh once or twice.

Yen x Wolffe

Yen didn't know she could be a brat until Wolffe. She always considered herself composed and mature. Pushing buttons just because she could wasn't anything that interested her. But there's just something about Wolffe's self-assured stubbornness that gets to her. It wasn't even something she did consciously the first time. He was categorically wrong about something and wouldn't accept her correction. It was infuriating, so she pushed his buttons right back. And she really liked the feeling, the smugness, at the sight of his flustered reaction. Wolffe created his own worst monster.

Usually one led by logic, Yen actually was attracted to Wolffe physically before romantically, which was a first for her. Wolffe had a crush on her, he'd admit that, but deeper feelings only developed as he got to know her. Their relationship really was mostly physical at the beginning. But there wasn't any drama in the transition; Yen made sure of that. She was pretty straight forward in admitting she was developing feelings and she wasn't about to play around with those, so either he was in officially or out officially. Wolffe - who I believe is emotionally intelligent but uncomfortable opening up about it - appreciated Yen's directness and went for it.

They have pretty different love languages. It takes a while for Wolffe to get used to Yen's caretaking. It unnerves him because that's his job. And Yen is awful at taking any compliments, so Wolffe's dirty talk made her redder than the mountains of Dathomir for the longest time. But they adapt and settle into it together. It's one of those rare times Yen examines the relationship and is happy to think about the ways they've changed together, if that makes sense.

Speaking of caretaking, Wolffe is a very ... thorough lover and Yen is not used to that at all. It's overwhelming at first in the best way but it takes getting used to. But she very much wants to. She's never been one for possessiveness or anything like that. She usually hates all that in a partner. But in the confines of their bed, hearing how fully and insatiably he wants her drives her wild in a way she didn't know possible.

Wolffe trusts Yen's judgement almost more than anyone (Plo is tied). He loves how he can approach her with anything he's struggling with and she'll talk him through it as best she can. She's logical and grounded and it helps to have someone like that sorting through a puzzle with you. It was one of the things that started making him realize his deeper feelings for her.

Taglist: @wings-and-beskar @sev-on-kamino @dystopicjumpsuit @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @freesia-writes @idontgetanysleep @clonemedickix @wolffegirlsunite @secondaryrealm @multi-fan-dom-madness @sunshinesdaydream @wizardofrozz @anxiouspineapple99 @dhawerdaverd @mythical-illustrator

#oc: yen ori'ken #yen x kix #yen x wolffe #thanks for the ask!

[tojiscumdumpster]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐓 𝙗𝙮 𝙇𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝘼𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙧

𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 1/100 𝗈𝖿 2024

𝗖𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝘆. 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗥𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 - 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝘅 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗲.

𝗚𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘆 𝘅 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲. 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗥𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗔𝗴𝗲 𝗚𝗮𝗽.

I have a tendency on starting series backwards. Don’t judge me lol. Terms and Conditions caught my attention first, but I decided to give The Fine Print a go because I enjoy Lauren’s writing, and I’m glad I did. Just another billionaire romance to add to my roster.

I really enjoyed reading Zahra’s and Rowan’s love unravel. This story wasn’t hard for me to get into at all. It very fluffy, domestic, a bit angsty, and a touch of spice.

One thing I can say I love about Lauren is the representation for black and brown women in her books. All the FMCs in the Dreamland Billionaire series are WOC/Black, and I absolutely love that. I’m starting Final Offer next.

Zahra, I love her. She’s fun, spunky, full of energy, and stands on business. She’s unapologetically her and is truly kind. Zahra is a true Sunshine character because as the story progress, you can see she’s Rowan’s light to his darkness, and even her own darkness she had to overcome. The relationship with her family, especially her sister, Ani—very touching.

Her bitch ass ex, Lance, was mentioned throughout the story, but I’m so glad Lauren didn’t make that her plot or give him too much book time. Again, the author has a way of writing the FMCs and MMCs lives outside of each other, and she did that with The Fine Print.

Now, for Rowan…

The way I have an up and down relationship about this man baffles me. He started off as a complete and utter asshole, and not the ones I’m attracted to in books. Like not even Declan acted the way he did. Rowan was unnecessarily rude, condescending, and he was one of them billionaires that looked down on his employees since he benefits off of capitalism. If I ever decided to DNF this book, it would’ve be SOLELY because of Rowan. He was mean to Zahra and she literally killed with kindness until she couldn’t.

Eventually, he started growing me the more the story progressed. His rude and nasty attitude is truly an act and disguise of a broken little boy that wanted to be accepted and love by his father. Because every time Rowan opened up, my heart warmed for him. Just how Zahra described, he speaks beautifully.

I honestly wish we gotten to see more of his rekindled love with drawing outside of Zahra.

He may or may not be apart of my book boyfriends list now. LOL. Just another asshole brother that softens up for his girl.

Despite this somewhat being insta lust, I think the relationship between Zahra and Rowan was developed well. As I stated above, very domestic like and warming. It’s hard to make me laugh in books, but their relationship had me giggling. Zahra has no filter and Rowan is such a grump, it makes me sick. “I don’t like you, but I want to date you.” Like Rowan shut the hell up omge.

Seems like they were bound to happen as well, so I guess you can say fate mates?

The love and vulnerability portrayed in their relationship was beautiful. I didn’t care for the spice as much because I just love seeing them open up, especially Rowan. The sex just deepened their love. Very raw and emotion filled. I love spice scenes like that for books.

Overall, I really love this book and I’m glad I read it. The only thing I would’ve like more of is like I said Rowan’s drawing more and also the epilogue could’ve been longer. People were saying that this book is unrealistic, but HELLO?! That’s the purpose of romance books.

It’s FICTION and we’re suppose to fantasize about a romance that seems too good to be true in real life. It’s called escapism. Like since when y’all want to think about real life while reading fiction?

#alfie’s book reviews 📚

[aroaceconfessions]

So, I don't mean this in an entirely negative way, or in a universal way, since I love being aromantic.. but it can really fucking suck y'know?

Or, at least, people in my life, and our amatonormative society, has made it feel like it sucks, so cw this ... confession?... will be about how I've experienced my aro identity sucking lol

I, for the most part of my existence, longed/long for a relationship of literally any kind- romantic, queerplatonic, etc -and fantasize about said relationships- but I don't want to be in one in actuality and the thought of someone asking me out, or my family pushing me to date someone, causes me to nearly have anxiety attacks, and I hate that. I hate how I just can't "fAll iN lOvE" but feeling that way also makes me angry?

Like, it's evident to me that I'm going through some internalized arophobia, and that makes me want to bite someone. And I can remember a time where, before I allowed myself to ID as aro, since I was all, "noOooOo, I can feel crushes, I had them before, hnNng," I accepted how I wasn't comfortable with dating anyone of any gender, despite having not connected the pieces yet of why I felt that way? But now that I know The Why™ I've started all of this pining for shit I don't want.

Like literally before it was: "Damn, I don't know why I shudder at the thought of, and dread, dating anyone, but I guess I'll accept that. But I'm not aro though :)" to now: "Damn, I guess all of that shuddering and dread is because I'm aro..... 🤔 ............. I really want a relationship........"

And so along with feeling all of this internalized bullshit, and emotional tug-a-war, I also don't have anyone in real life to talk to about all of this (I know a lot of people in online queer spaces that are aro-spec, but there's that disconnect from being online causes n' stuff). I have come out to my brother about being aro, and he was accepting, along with everything else I've come out about that the rest of family also accepted.. but everyone else doesn't know I'm aro except him- but I don't vent to him about these feelings, because 1) he wouldn't get it since he's alloromantic, and 2) is it too much to ask that I want a in-real-life aro friend?!! And I have met someone who is aro-spec, in-person, but most of what I experience was foreign to them. Since yeah, aros won't experience what other aros experience, but the only thing we had in common was not having crushes and not wanting to be with anyone. But that was it.

I tried to tell them how I long for/fantasize about being with someone and how torn up emotionally I get when actually faced with that option, bc of the uncomfortable feelings I get from irl possibilities of relationships, but they couldn't relate. That's not their fault, but still sucked y'know?

The pining I get towards relationships also gets worse when it comes to past what-I-thought-were-'crushes' and how even though I felt strong meshes and squishes on them, I don't think they were strong enough to cause anything to happen, since I also treat relationships similarly to getting tired of a hobby.

And (sorry I keep saying "and" a lot)..... I feel bad about not wanting anything with another person? I feel bad for my family members who don't know -both immediate and extended- and who want me to be that pitch perfect person who'll marry n' have kids; I feel bad for the people who still, or will, like me romantically; I feel bad for my friends who don't know I'm aro and would think that I'm all sad for being alone, and who think that there's something wrong with me.

I feel bad for not fitting in, for not meeting the expectations that so many people I care about, have dedicated their hearts to. Sure, a part of me wants to think, It's their own faults, they shouldn't have expected that out of me anyway, but I feel shameful.. guilty even.. when romantic topics get brought up, and those feelings won't quell no matter what I do.

I don't know if any advice would help with all of these feelings, and this post is a mess anyway, but I had to jot down all of the shit I've been thinking since it was becoming too much as it is.

#aro #aromantic #aspec #arospec #amatonormativity #internalized arophobia

[queerticulate]

I gotta say the whole supposed moral panic about fetishizing gay men through fandom seems like a bit of a trojan horse for homophobia to me. People of a variety of sexes and orientations finding gay sex/romance appealing is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is when women start harassing gay men to join them in the bedroom, or random people disturb gay "couples" in public with sexualized remarks on their displays of affection or lust for each other. Now I have been very active in my local and national LGBT scene for years now, and you know how often I've heard of this happening? Never.

You know what does happen a lot? This being done to queer women. I myself and pretty much all of my friends have multiple experiences of this happening. Men commenting on you when you're kissing a girl in a bar or nightclub, men whistling when you hold hands in public, men who become obsesses with trying to seduce you when you say you're a lesbian. I even was with a lesbian couple when they got sexually assaulted by a man during freaking Pride. So for one, I think the panic is really overbearing, and very misdirected. If you want to help LGBT people and protect them from harm resulting from being fetishized... direct your efforts at protecting queer women.

Absent of real life consequences, I gotta wonder how many people rage about the potential of people of a variety of sexes and orientations getting off on the idea of (attravtive) guys having sex or a romance say this, because truly they cannot cope with gay sex or romance being considered something attractive at all. A lot of homophobia that queer people experience is centered around this belief that we have to cower and beg to be accepted, that we have to present ourselves as the abberation to the perfect cishet folks. If we act like our lifes and loves are just as normal or in our eyes better than cishet stuff, we are often punished as being too much. Queer men especially face a lot of punishment for existing in public and expressing their sexuality. Any public display of affection regularly gets met with disgust, hate, or even violence. I know so many guys who are scared to kiss or hold hands in public. I also know several recent stories of gay men being beat up within my city. Male on male sexuality is also treated as something dirty. Immediately if you participated in it, no matter if you only ever had a 100% safe sex, in my country you immediately get signed up for more extensive health checks. You get barred from blood donations too, also for being in a gay relationship at all regardless of your sex pratices. Heck, even if I as a woman would have sex with a queer man I get the same treatment. So really, people in fandom creating some online buzz about 'wouldnt it be cool if these guys kissed/fucked/were in love' really feels like it does more against real life homophobia for queer men as i see it existing, by normalizing it, by lifting it up as desirable, than it seems to do harm. Cause the main problem is and has been that queer guys are told they cant exist, or need to be scared, or are dirty. All this talk online that so much attention going out to fantasized queer men's relationships is bad, that you're a dirty freak if you do that, i don't know, it mostly sounds like reinforcing the main form of homophobia queer men face.

Now the world is a big place, and i cannot presume to know about all local variants of homophobia and common queer experiences. Maybe there are places in the world where queer men publicly getting harassed as if they're sex dolls is a huge issue. In which case: your complaints are valid. I am sorry people in your life are going through that. I am sorry this post feels like another horror thrown on top of it. But maybe, when adressing a global audience... do as i do here... presume not the whole world works in alignment with your local point of view. Contextualize your complaints. Let your brothers and sisters in another country know you're fighting against stuff happening in your area, instead of just being another demon coming to reinforce homophobia.

#rant #homophobia #shipping #mlm ships #fandom #lgbt #im just grossed out by in how many fandoms a weird combo of 'no you cant talk about them being gay thats bad' with #'but we can talk about the filthiest straight fantasies with the same guys' has arisen #and a lot of talk about how a popular mlm ship must be fetishization #how it must be that people are judt doing it cause the guys are attractive and that this is somehow wrong #it really feels like people are shaming queer sexuality and romance in itself and disguising it in social justice talk to get away with it

[urpurplehairedsage]

Do you have any tips or advice for aromantic people who are questioning whether they are nonsam aro, alloaro or aroace? Or, if you feel comfortable, could you share your journey on figuring out you are alloaro and not ace or nonsam? - fictional.

Hi anon, thanks for the lovely ask! ✨️

Since I've identified as all of the above labels at one point in time, I guess I could tell you my journey of how I eventually discovered I was alloaro.

Just wanna preface this by saying that this is merely my experience, so naturally it won't represent others' paths and journeys. I do hope for those reading and are trying to figure themselves out, that this may be used as reference <3

So let's start by the beginning— I was 16 and at this point I'd identified as ace. Even back then, I knew I hadn't had any crushes or other inclinations to be romantically involved with people; I was fairly certain that this wasn't ever going to be the case in my life, so I took on the aro label on the side (aroace).

I ran with the aroace label all the way till I was 18. Meanwhile my sapphic feelings started to kick in, and I began questioning my attraction toward women (which I'd say I experienced pretty ambiguously). I assumed my attraction overall to be alterous, and so identified as an sapphic (oriented) aroace.

Around this time though, this is where I started to have a lil' questioning crisis. A little sapphic, aro existential crisis, if you will. If I hadn't been fantasizing about non-romantic relationships with women before, this is when it really started to pop off.

With all of this going on in my head, I wasn't really sure about my ace-ness anymore. However I definitely didn't feel allo either; all I knew was that I was aro as hell, and that's all, didn't really care about the rest anymore. That's when the non-SAM label felt really safe to me. Ace or not, didn't really matter to me anymore. From there on out, I ID'ed as a non-SAM aro lesbian (→ for those unfamiliar, feel free check out the oriented (non-sam) aro label!)

Now, not all alloaros have dealt with shame or guilt upon discovering themselves and I certainly do not want to perpetuate that notion; I know plenty that have had no problem accepting themselves as they are, free of those negative feelings, but for me guilt and shame was unfortunately present, but on a more unconscious level.

I had to sit myself down a few times and also navigate the alloaro spaces to really come to the conclusion that the reason I resonated with them so much wasn't by chance, it was because I was one of them. If I really think about it, the type of relationships I want to form happened to reflect that as well.

There may have not been anyone in particular my sexual attraction was targeted at (which contrary to what a lot of people (esp. aces) say, doesn't have to be the case), but I'm confident enough to say that I, in fact, do experience sexual attraction (to women).

8 months after that reality check, I'm here, being the alloaro lesbian I was destined to be lol.

I wrote this with the intention of not making it too long to read, but hopefully this helps someone out there. [TL:DR] When trying to figure yourself out, testing out labels and navigating their respective communities really helps. Feel free to reach out to its members too; after all part of you are the reason why I'm so comfortable with who I am now.

I wish those on their own journey of self-discovery the best of luck <3

-Y.

#🧙🏾‍♀️'s answers #aromantic #aro #arospec #aromanticism #alloaro #aroallo #aromantic allosexual #queer #lgbtqia+ #queer advice #🍍🍍🍍

[sponsoredbylaziness]

Romanticizing Loneliness

I'm doing this again. I'm just so bored and I need an outlet.

Sometimes I feel like I don't feel like I belong in both the Philippines or in United States. I don't know. My whole life up to this point, I have a stronger connection with the US than PH. Mainly because I grew up US not in PH. But after spending almost a year here in the PH, I'm starting to gravitate more of being a Filipino than American. I wouldn't say that I am a Filipino even though I was born here, but you know. I'm warming up to the idea. This doesn't mean that I will stay here and work in the Philippines. No sir. Under no circumstances will I stay and work in the Philippines. Fuck their salary, working conditions, and living. I'd rather be single, graduate, and go back to the US to work. I just wish I wouldn't go back to the US single. I'd want a jowa to be with me when I go back.

Another thing that's bothering me is that all of my family and relatives are telling me to watch out for girls here in the PH. They say things like, " be very careful about finding a girlfriend here at the college because you live in the US." My uncle jokingly said to me, "Don't worry Angelo, just have fun. You won't have a problem getting any girls there in the Philippines." My mom before I came back here for my intersem was asking if I was looking at a girl here in the college. She was warning me like, " If you like a girl, be friends with her first." I just agreed, said my goodbyes and walked to the TSA line to get to my flight. What a load of bullshit. To be fair to them, I'm not even trying to get a girl right now and when I did try.... I failed spectacularly. I don't think I've caught a bigger L than that. Looking back at that event, I just laugh at how unbelievably fucked I fucked that up. To think that she liked me back, what was I thinking. I think it's because everyone around me is settling down. Both of my sisters have boyfriends. My friends at the US have their girlfriends or boyfriends. My friends here at the PH have jowas. I think the girl that rejected me is in a relationship. And I'm here 11/11 on rejections and failed relationships. Maybe I'm the problem or something. Do I share too much, or share too little. Do I be flirty or sensitive. People say I need to have an angle or something. I don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe I'm just too nice or maybe too passive. I can't help it. Whenever I see someone I really like, I get nervous, I get shy, I stare at them hoping they're brave enough to start the conversation. But I also need to learn about self respect.

I remember one of the conversations my little sister's boyfriend told me while we were out bar hopping. I was telling them that there was a guy who kept liking all of my posts in instagram and stories all the way back to my first post. He told me, "When I first saw you. I knew you weren't gay. So take it as a compliment." Not that I already wasn't. I was talking to one of my friends one time and we were talking about people who are attracted to me on bumble and I said, "I guess only filipinas would match me" and he said, "and apparently gays too."

I don't know yet whether to share this on twitter or not. I don't know if I'm going to do this regularly or not. I'll just say I posted a thing on twitter and shit idk. This is too intimate for people to see. But it's not like people even follow me so. It is what it is. I'm almost 26 years old. At this point, I'm accepting the fact that I am going to be a virgin for the rest of my life. I'm not desperate enough to pay money for sex. I think it's my morals that is stopping me from having sex. I just want a partner who would like to be a couch potato with me. I fantasized about just having a girl sit by me side-by-side with her head resting on my shoulder while we watch TV shows on my laptop. Then spoon her while we go to sleep. Like how the wind embraces your entire body, I want to hug someone like that. No sex, just that. Cuddling.

I guess that's it for now. Feelings

[nightlightmlm]

9/2/22

update since it’s been over a year since my last post saying i was over him, at the end of last school yr i really did think i was over him & felt this magnificent feeling of freedom. then i saw him in the hallway w his hair down. it never really ends does it? that wrenching in your heart every time you see them again and it all just comes flooding back? you are never truly free from your first, even if it was unrequited, are you? will i continue to live in this confusing state of anguish as long as i’m in this reality? my answer is most likely. at least in my “better cr” dr everything will be perfect and i’ll be able to give my 14yo self the perfect life i deserve.

anyway i was feeling really emotional abt it all last night & wrote this long ass note getting my feelings out so here’s that if u want it

like i don’t have the same potency of feelings for him i used to but the remnants are still there juuust enough for my chest to still wrench every time i see him in the hallway/café. when i see pics of him it all just comes back flooding my brain. i know he & his gf are in a relationship for over a yr & i think they’re cute & they seem to be just perfect for each other which also hurts in a whole different way because i still know in this reality i could never date him even if he came to me asking me to because i wouldn’t feel comfortable dating a cis guy who has everything i want for myself. but i still just feel like such an idiot knowing i probably don’t cross either of their minds ever meanwhile i’m still not over him. they’re just living their lives so fully, doing so much and thinking every thought under the sun except me. because what even am i to either of them? to him i’m not even the person who was, in vain, in love with him for years. to him i’m just someone he had some classes with in 8/9th grade who had a crush on him. i don’t even want to know what he thinks of me now if someone were to ask him. it’s so fucking embarrassing thinking, what do my friends think of me who’ve known me for that long & know how i feel while also knowing them both & commenting on their posts “u guys are j so cute omg”? what do those friends of mine think of me? do they look at me still having feelings for him that won’t go away, and probably won’t ever fully go away, and think “god you sad, poor, loser, idiot, you’re so embarrassing, get over him, it’s been years, he’s straight, he’s taken, you’ll never have him”? i don’t even care that in this reality i’ll never have him and tbh i don’t even have a super strong desire to be w him in other realities. but i will in my better cr because i need to give my 8th/9th grade self the perfect relationship with him that i fantasized about 24/7 and wanted so bad and thought i was so ready for at the time that i never got to have, while having the perfect body, appearance & life in every other way. how did those middle school/freshman classes become history so fast? why does time get lost so easily? why can’t it just stop for once? it’s drowning. it’s suffocating knowing times in my life that felt perpetually like the present, like they’d never be over, have just steadily and steadily faded into the past too slowly to have realized until it’s too late, it’s been done. times when we still had classes together and would joke around and we got along. when i’d make a joke & he, hearing it from across the classroom, would actually laugh. his shenanigans and ways of charming every teacher despite talking when he shouldn’t have been and being generally very annoying a lot of the time just for the sake of it. the times before i admitted my feelings to him because although he was accepting and rejected me politely, i know he saw me differently starting then & treated me differently too. nowadays he doesn’t even notice me, notice that i’m in the hall or in the room. pays me no mind, for i am but an ant in the crowd. is it worse to be ignored or to be not even noticed? is it worse to be hated or to be not even thought about, not even considered, not even as a fleeting thought, a gust of wind, a tumbleweed gone as soon as it was there?

#e****💞 #mlm #gay #him