#anyway those r just my thoughts as I try not to fall asleep at work lol

[niymue]

i’ve been wanting to make a cc finds post for so long that’s like: bg-expanded finds, things that look like they could have just come with the base game and are high quality and i just couldn’t live without in my game. it feels like a big undertaking tho cause i’d want it to be perfect 😵‍💫

#so I keep putting it off hehe 💃🏻 #but it’s at the top of the to do list #maybe it could be like a series #I really want to put effort into it tho so i’d have to figure it all out like would it be themed? or just instalments??? #I just love making cc finds posts ok #anyway those r just my thoughts as I try not to fall asleep at work lol #text

[oh-katsuki]

the notebook theory (tsukishima kei x reader)

masterlist | ao3

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Summary: Kei has a cynical and jaded outlook on love. When his friend Tadashi figures out that Kei has feelings for you, Kei isn’t sure how to react. After all, love is not something he does but rather, something that happens to him.

"There’s a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory.

He thinks that might be what’s happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. It’s like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. It’s uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. Kei is nearly certain that you’re the reason."

Content Warnings:  fem!reader (gender neutral pronouns), no real manga spoilers, slow burn, one-sided pining, angst, mentions of divorce and broken homes, toxic relationship (kei's parents), smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), pinching, mentions of mark making, overstimulation (m!receiving), multiple orgasms, hair-pulling

Word Count: 24.8k

A/N: i know i spent forever working on this but it's finally done and while i have a lot of thoughts about it, idk rly what to say. anyway, here's my first attempt at a tsukishima long fic. also i already know that im not beating the tsukkiyama allegations, okay? i tried and failed to beat them okay i just think there is no way to put them in a situation without it being a little homoerotic bc.. they r them okay? anyway, i hope u enjoy and would love to hear ur thoughts <3

The morning comes without warning. Kei thinks he’s read that somewhere, though he’s just sure just where he saw it. He also thinks that whoever said that is right. Morning is always a harsh assault and never as gentle as people describe it to be. 

Kei’s room, the one he rents at university, faces toward the east. In the mornings, when the sun peeks over the horizon, it shines directly into his room and onto his bed before creeping across the light wood floors. His blinds, as useful as they are, always let some through the cracks and the light cuts the ground like butter to a knife. Kei doesn’t think it feels half as romantic as it sounds. 

The light works better than his alarm. No matter how set he is on sleeping in, he never fails to wake up as soon as those slats of light make their way across his bedspread. It wakes him like fever and he’s never quite as comfortable as he felt falling asleep. This morning is no different. 

He rises like he always has, running a hand over his blonde hair and dragging it down his face after sitting up. Then, he stands once in an attempt to gather his bearings before sitting right back down on the edge of the bed. He fights the lingering remnants of sleep, feeling the ray of sunlight beat down on his back. Then, he reaches towards his glasses on the nightstand and slides them up the bridge of his long nose before standing up again once and for all. 

Yamaguchi lives in the other room. His best friend since high school, perhaps his only real friend. They’d miraculously attended the same college and decided to room together, though his other friends from his youth aren’t too far. The arrangement managed to make it all the way until their fourth and final year. Living with each other has become par for the course. 

Tadashi wakes up later than Kei does on most days, except for Tuesdays and Thursdays. On those days, he has an 8 am and is usually in the kitchen before Kei has even stood up for the first time. Today is a Wednesday, so Yamaguchi is asleep in his room. The morning light doesn’t wake him the same way it does Kei. His room faces west, so it isn’t until the mid-afternoon, when Tadashi is chased from his room by the afternoon rays and heat, that he notices the sun on its blinding conquest across the sky. 

Kei’s room is clean and neat. There’s no clutter, no collection of items that don’t have a proper place. Everything is itemized and stored exactly where he intends for them to be. His floor is void of stray clothes, of socks he’d discarded the night before, his nightstand is bare and his desk is surprisingly empty save for one notebook sitting in its center. It’s a room that he could leave at any time, despite living here for nearly two years. If Kei chose to do so, he could pack his things and be gone in a day. 

Yamaguchi’s room is different. It’s lived in and well worn. There’s clutter on the floor, socks and pants he’d taken and tossed away to be dealt with later. Certain things don’t have a place and end up living on semi-crowded surfaces filled with things he likes to put down as quickly as he’d picked them up. Kei envies that way of living. A non-temporary way. He envies the rug in Yamaguchi’s room and the way he fills the space with himself. Kei thinks that even after they’re long gone, future tenants would still be able to feel Tadashi’s presence. 

To say that Kei is cynical would be accurate. He tends to lean more towards paranoia in his own strange way. He keeps things in order to quell the anxiety in it. Things stay where they are meant to be. As a result, he’s earned himself somewhat of an uptight attitude that makes Kei feel more awkward than relaxed even when he’s in his own spaces. Not that he minds it. 

Tadashi’s dish from last night is sitting next to the sink. Kei moves around it as he fixes a tea, making an effort not to drag his feet across the floor because he hates the scuffing sound. Every now and then, the glass of his mug will clink against the cheap kitchen tile and Kei will cringe in some paranoid worry that it will wake his friend. 

As he gathers his things to leave the quiet apartment, Kei wonders where his cynicism comes from. He’s sure he could pinpoint it if he tried. His parents divorce, his previous experiences with dating that have left him jaded, the holes that wore even in his most sturdy of sweaters. Inconsequential nothings that piled up until Kei had developed an undeniably cautious outlook on the world. To him, all of these things are the same. Like the morning, they’re intrusive and unsightly, but none is less important than the other. 

Kei does have things he likes. Art, for one. He likes paintings, sculptures, little pieces of history, and all of the things people make with their hands that he could never do. Kei is hopeless at crafts. His fingers are lithe and long, but they’re clumsy and hard to control. Despite his need for order, Kei has trouble controlling his urges. The subtle twitches of his fingers always mess up whatever it is he’s trying to craft. 

He likes writing best of all, specifically curatorial writing. It’s easy for him to pick which pieces belong together and how to organize them in a space, it suits his talent for compartmentalizing. Kei gets to tell a story that way, be it historical or artistic, sometimes both. The essays that his classmates find tedious, he finds relaxing despite the stress. For him, writing about art and history is a pleasure much like sipping tea that is the perfect temperature, unintrusive and natural. 

By the time he arrives at the library, it’s nearly 9 am. He works better here, in the quiet section at a table hidden by three tall shelves of books. It’s almost never occupied and there are hardly ever people seated in the immediate area. Kei doesn’t go out of his way to avoid others, but he finds that if he doesn’t approach people, they often won’t approach him. He prefers things this way, it makes the good and bad people easier to weed out. 

From this spot in the library, Kei can see where you usually set up shop for the day. You arrive after him by about 45 minutes and he convinces himself that it is always coincidental. 

Strictly speaking, you’re Tadashi’s friend, not his. You’ve known each other for a little under a year and have been by the apartment a few times, but yours and his conversations are limited entirely to pleasantries. How are you? What are you working on? We’re graduating soon, huh? Casual conversation that Kei can weasel his way out of at any time. Like his room, it’s impermanent. 

Kei has had the idea that nothing stays stuck in his head since middle school. The house he lived in when his parents were together, weekdays with his mother and weekends with his father, graduating seniors, the apartment he lives in now. To Kei, all of it is so temporary that he finds it difficult to get attached to it, not that he’s devoid of emotion. He quite loves the little things he has, but his grip on them is loose and half-hearted. Whatever leaves, Kei thinks is meant to leave, so he makes no effort to hold on. 

It’s probably unfair to think of you that way, but Kei can’t really help it. He can’t change what he is. Besides, it’s not as if he doesn’t have a reason to think so. He’s often approached by people for his looks, people who want to get close because they think he’s tall and handsome, people who collect others like trophies. He’s not heartless, so he’s been hurt more than a few times. Kei thinks he owes it to himself to be cautious, not that you’ve done anything to earn that type of subtle hostility. 

“Thought you might be here,” someone’s hand lands on his shoulder. 

“Shit,” he groans, “is it that late already?” 

Kei glances down at the watch on his wrist, reading the time as just past 10:45 am. He’s been here for an hour and 45 minutes and hasn’t gotten anything done. Tadashi pulls the chair next to him out and sits down, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Spacing out?” 

“A little,” Kei responds, tapping his pen against the table and turning back toward his book. 

“Got something due?” 

“Yeah, on Friday,” he exhales. “Haven’t started it yet though. You?” 

“Nah,” Tadashi smiles. “I’m just chasing you around.” 

“You’re like a girl with a crush.” 

Tadashi shrugs and lets out a good natured laugh. It’s a little too loud for this part of the library, but Kei lets it slide, smiling with his friend. 

Tadashi is the opposite of him, he thinks. He smiles often and says exactly what’s on his mind when it crosses it, even if it's a little mean. Tadashi used to be a follower, but in his final year of high school and university years, grew into someone befitting of his somewhat sunny and sarcastic personality. Thoughts and words come easily to him and he has no trouble vocalizing his joy or his disappointment. 

Yamaguchi has freckles covering the entirety of his body. Kei knows this because he’s seen far more of Tadashi than he thinks he should have. His skin is tawny and warm like him. Kei finds himself looking at the ones on his hands as Yamaguchi begins to write in his notebook. Kei can’t read his handwriting because it’s terrible and he doesn’t much feel like working on his own project, so he watches his friend’s hand mark the page. Then, his gaze slinks across the library to you. 

You’ve got your head down and look like you’re falling asleep despite it only being 11 in the morning. Your hand moves lazily across your computer keypad. By the time Kei realizes that you’ve spotted him staring, it’s too late to look away. His gaze was too intentional, so he smiles at you instead, nodding his head a little. 

You smile and wave, standing from where you sit and collecting your things. They fill up your arms because you don’t bother to put them in your bag, making your way clumsily across the room and setting your stuff down across from him. 

“Hi, Tsukishima,” you smile. “Hi, Tadashi.” 

You use his friend’s given name and Kei feels a pang of jealousy hit his chest. 

“How long have you been here? I didn’t see you,” you ask, settling into the seat across from Kei. 

“I just got here,” Tadashi smiles, looking up from his notes. “He’s been here for a while though.” 

Tadashi motions towards him. 

“Aw, why didn’t you say hi?” 

“You seemed busy,” Kei lies. 

You pout, filling your mouth with air. “Next time just come say hi, ‘kay?” 

“Sure,” Kei nods. 

Tadashi tosses him a sideways glance and Kei shrugs it off. He’s not interested in being teased this morning, though when is he ever. 

Kei doesn’t like the way you make him feel. When you’re around, he becomes prickly. It sets Kei on edge in a way that he hates. His world, previously so rigid and organized, quickly begins to feel cluttered and structureless. 

You make his heart pound. You make it hammer against his chest so hard that he can feel it in his ears and behind his eyes. It goes all the way down to his already-hard-to-control fingertips and the tops of his thighs. A previously pastel colored world goes vibrantly candy-colored like it’s been plunged in saturating liquid. He nevers knows how to hold himself, never knows how to act natural. What does it mean to act natural, anyway? How should he rest his hands on the desk? Would it be weird to lace them together? Does he look as stiff as he feels? It’s entirely possible that he is suffering a massive heart attack. 

You whisper across the table to Tadashi, leaning forward and laughing at something he’s written in his notebook. You can read his handwriting, something Kei is equally jealous about as he is angry. Kei just watches your conversation, unable to really listen into it on account of the stroke that he thinks he’s having. 

The three of you stay like this for a while, earning the occasional irritated whisper or dirty look from some of the more studious people in the library. Kei pretends to ignore them, remaining quiet throughout the duration of your study session with Tadashi. His quiet corner is invaded and painted bright pink with your presence and he doesn’t know whether to feel giddy or irrationally angry. Maybe it’s both. 

“Crap, is that the time?” Tadashi exclaims, hunching over himself when someone nearby shushes him. “I’ve got class across campus in 10 minutes.” 

He hurriedly collects his things. Tadashi does it so fast, in fact, that Kei hardly has time to beg him not to leave him alone with you. So he just watches as Tadashi throws his things clumsily into his bag and tosses it over his shoulder. 

“Bye, ___,” he says in a rushed whisper. “I’ll see you at home, Kei!” 

“Sure,” is all that Kei can muster. His voice cracks when he says it and he immediately avoids looking at you and stares at nothing in particular in his textbook. 

It’s quiet for a while. Kei pretends to busy himself by glancing between his textbook and his computer and you sit with your head bowed as you take notes on a lecture you’re listening to through the single earbud in your right ear. Then, you tap the end of your pen lightly on Kei’s notebook to get his attention. 

It’s only been about 10 minutes since Tadashi left, but the library now feels like an entirely different place. His heart pounds as he struggles to keep a straight face. 

When he looks up, you’re looking at him with a tilted head. Your expression is soft and unintrusive, friendly but a bit guarded. You smile softly at him. 

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” You ask gently. It doesn’t sound accusatory, but rather a casual statement tinged with friendliness. 

“Huh?” Blood rushes into his ears. 

“I just kinda get the impression that you’re uncomfortable around me,” you say. “Am I wrong?” 

“Uh, no- it’s not that I don’t like you.” 

He’s quick to correct you and he feels heat rush to his cheeks. 

“Then what?” you question lightly. There’s no ulterior motive behind your smile, Kei can tell, but your openness makes him uneasy. 

“I dunno,” he calms himself a little. “I don’t really know how to act around you, I guess.” 

You laugh, leaning back into your chair. “Is that all?” 

“Well, yeah…” he feels awkward and his palms are sweaty. He drops them below the table to wipe them. “You’re Tadashi’s friend and I’m pretty different from him so I just…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders.

“I was worried you hated me,” you smile, chuckling to yourself. 

“That’s definitely not it,” he loosens a little, smiling lightly despite the thudding of his heart. It slows down steadily. 

“I’m your friend too, ya know?” 

“That so?” 

“Well, yeah,” you shrug and lean all the way back, crossing your arms. “I just kinda figured that we would be.” 

“Friends?” His tongue feels heavy in his mouth. His word placement is awkward. 

“Duh,” you laugh a little. “You know, you don’t have to speak formally with me.” 

“That’s just the way I am,” he huffs at being read. 

“Well, you can drop them with me. I don’t mind.” 

“Tall order,” he snorts. 

You tilt your head to the side. “Did you just make a joke?” 

“Uh, yeah…” 

“Funny,” you smile. “What are you studying?” 

“It’s not really studying…” he says, glancing down at the near empty document. “I’m supposed to be writing an essay I have due on Friday. Not going well.” 

He looks up at you through his lashes. You’re leaning forward across the table now, your chin angled upward as you try and peek at what’s on his screen. He turns it so that you can see better. 

“Baroque art?” You read aloud. “Oh yeah, Tadashi mentioned that you’re an art history major. Do you draw too?” 

“No,” he scoffs. “I’m hopeless at it, but I like art. It’s nice to look at.” 

“Huh, you look like you’d be good at drawing,” you say. 

“What’s that mean?” 

“I dunno, like a manga author or something,” you shrug. “You’ve got nice hands too. Like an artist.” 

“Manga?” He laughs a little, trying to play off the color he feels rushing to his face from the compliment. 

“Yeah, you look like the manga type.” 

“Is it the glasses?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Maybe,” you laugh. 

Kei looks down at his hands. They’re big, like the rest of him, and his knuckles are thin. He’s hyper-aware of them now that you’ve complimented them. He studies them briefly, following the barely visible veins up the back of them, following the line of his fingers to his nails. They’re trimmed and somewhat well kept, save for the spots that he tends to bite at when he lays in bed at night. His hands look nothing like Tadashi’s. Tadashi’s fingers are thick and his nails are short on account of him biting them. Kei wonders if you prefer them to his. 

—

There’s a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. It’s only a bit bigger than his fist—a little thing, really—and it’s completely blank. Kei’s never written anything down in it, nothing has ever really been worth sullying the thing. It’s got brown fabric binding and a semi-thick cover. It’s malleable, but not so flimsy that he’d need a desk to write in it. 

Kei’s not too sure why he bought it in the first place. Maybe he liked the size of it, small enough to fit in his pocket, but not so small as to be ridiculous. It’s practical, much like he is. He’s considered turning it into a daily planner and putting to-do lists in it, but Kei isn’t much of a list guy, it’s Tadashi that likes making lists. Nothing has ever really felt like it suits the book. He’s considered journaling in it, but his life is one big routine and he doesn’t think there’s anything worth writing about. 

No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory. 

He thinks that might be what’s happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. It’s like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. It’s uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. 

Kei is nearly certain that you’re the reason, not that he’s about to admit to anyone else that he likes you. Tadashi managed to weasel it out of him, though he didn’t really have to ask. In fact, it was less of an admittance to Kei than it was confirmation of his own feelings. If Tadashi can tell that he likes you, then he must. 

People seem to know things about Kei before he even knows them himself. At least, that’s how it seems. He’s always confronted with his own feelings by other people, not that they’re really ever wrong, but it seems everyone catches onto what he’s feeling rather quickly. He’s not too sure why that is, maybe he’s just obvious and hasn’t realized it. 

Come to think of it, when Tadashi had confronted Kei about his feelings for you, he’d been deeply annoying about it. Kei couldn’t even try to deny it because Tadashi had come out with his guns blazing, cornering him in the living room and throwing facts about you at him until his face was beet red with embarrassment. Then, with a serious frown on his face, he’d simply stated you like them and that was the end of it. Kei couldn’t even deny it. Even he knew that it read plainly in his expression. 

To be frank, it sucks being told in plain speech how he feels about someone. Whenever that happens, it makes Kei feel like he’ll never be able to keep another secret in his life. Sometimes, he wishes that he was able to make the decision to tell someone else on his own, but even Kei knows that that is a little beyond him. Kei can think the feelings just fine, but when it comes to speaking them aloud, he seems to have a padlock around his throat. 

Tadashi knows this about him and if it weren’t for him, Kei would have agonized far longer and far worse over certain situations of emotional turmoil. Most of the time, Tadashi gets it without needing to ask or say anything. It’s nice to have someone understand him in that way, even if it does mean he can’t keep a secret to save his life. 

Feelings lately make Kei a little angry. He’s always known that he’s had somewhat of a sour personality. Kei doesn’t need to be told that he’s smug to know that he is. He’s snarky and usually touchy, picky about the people that he hangs out with. It’s not really a secret that Kei is a hard person to get along with, but lately, he feels like it’s been worse. 

Maybe it’s because this is new territory to him. As conceited as it sounds, Kei has never liked someone first. It’s not because he doesn’t think anyone is worthy, but rather, because there are very few people he doesn’t find grating. Despite how he seems, Kei is incredibly sensitive about things, so naturally, it’s easier to get on his nerves. 

He’s dated before, though not for long, and all of his relationships have started the same way. Kei is approached by them, usually on the premise of looks, and he accepts. He’s not sure why he does. Sometimes it’s because he thinks they’re pretty, other times it’s because the romantic in him hopes that it will actually work out. It never has. 

Most of the time, Kei turns out to be different than they expected. He’s too touchy, too sarcastic, too awkward in his way of trying to love. To Kei, it has always felt like it’s ended just as he was beginning to develop real feelings. 

If he’s being honest, it’s given him a twisted inferiority complex. He’s worried that somehow, on a fundamental level, he’s not enough. Sometimes, it even goes so far as for Kei to think that he’s just generally disappointing. He tries not to be. Kei wants to be relied on. He wants to be someone his friends can go to when they need something sturdy. 

Despite his personality, Kei considers himself sturdy. Well, maybe stubborn is a better word. Kei considers himself stubborn enough to be made sturdy. He’s just a little awkward. That’s all. People seem to mistake that for being unreliable. It’s a peeve of Kei’s. 

Tadashi isn’t like that. Tadashi is bright and warm, reliable in every sense of the word. Kei actually looks up to him a lot, not that he’d ever say anything like that to his face. Sure, Tadashi’s not perfect, but at least people rely on him. At least Kei relies on him. 

Tadashi is more easy going than Kei is. He has an easier time going with the flow, which makes him more personable. Kei thinks that Tadashi is the closest thing that he’s had to a better half. In truth, without Tadashi around, Kei isn’t exactly sure what would have become of him. 

It’s pointless thinking about these sorts of things though. Kei realized a long time ago that thinking about being better won’t automatically make him better. This is just the way he is and Kei’s learned to accept that, whatever it means. Still, none of this changes the fact that he likes you. 

Kei could mull over thought after thought and he doesn’t think it would have any effect on the fact that he’s definitely developed a crush. He’s positive it will go away. In fact, he’s not even sure if it’s real. Maybe Kei is just jealous of you the same way he’s jealous of Tadashi. You’re bright and warm like he is. You and Tadashi are cut from the same cloth, so maybe that’s why the two of you get along so well. 

In all honesty, Kei wishes he could be a little more like Tadashi for that reason. Maybe if he were more like Tadashi, he’d have the courage to fully accept these new and uncertain feelings for what they are. But he doesn’t have that kind of courage, not right now at least. He doesn’t have the courage to solidify and lean into his feelings. Kei doesn’t want to risk what little comfort and security he has. If the relationship between you both is a blank page, Kei doesn’t have anything important to write. What if it ruins the paper? What if when he erases it, it changes the thing on a molecular level for the worse? The notebook theory. 

— 

Despite everything, Kei is rather self-aware. At least in his own head he is. Kei knows that when he pretends he doesn’t like you, he really ends up liking you more. He knows that he’s touchy, that he’s awkward, that he comes across more crass than he intends to. Kei is clumsy, not stupid. That doesn’t mean that he has to acknowledge it. 

You’ve been coming around more often since the conversation Kei had with you in the library. Maybe you’re more comfortable now knowing that he doesn’t hate you, so you’re happier to join Tadashi in their shared apartment. 

Kei feels bad about making you think that he hates you. Actually, he feels really bad about it. Like, astronomically bad about it. Embarrassingly enough, it actually keeps him up at night. So he goes out of his way to be a little nicer to you. The only other person he’s ever done that for is Tadashi. 

He greets you properly when you pass, despite the flare up of a medical condition he’s yet to fully diagnose brought on by your presence. He asks you questions about your studies, partially because he is genuinely curious and partially because he doesn’t want you to hate him. He thinks he’d die if you hated him. Kei’s being brave in his own way. It’s little, but he’s doing it. 

As a result, the two of you have grown a little closer. Kei has your phone number now, though he rarely has any reason to text you. Typing out a message to you makes him nervous. It makes him red in the face when you’re not even there. Somehow, having your phone number feels vulnerable to him, like he has access to you whenever he wants and you him. It means that if you wanted, you could make him nervous without even being nearby. That’s a lot for Kei to think about. 

Kei sees you in the library sometimes too, but he never takes the initiative to speak to you. You always come up to him first, clumsily gathering your things the way you did the day you and him sorted out your friendship and plopping them down in front of him. 

Sometimes, you both go several hours without saying anything to each other. Other times, you’ll chat away about something while leaning forward on the desk and Kei has to pretend that he’s not wildly nervous at your proximity. You’re so friendly. So genuinely warm that Kei can physically feel it when you talk. Despite his nerves, Kei would describe you as comfortable. You’re a comfortable person to him, as alarming as that is. 

His crush is out of hand. It scares him, not that he’s actively thought about that. What started as him noticing you has quickly ballooned into him being painfully aware of you at all times. He kind of feels bad about it. You don’t seem to think that he’s anything more than a friend and it makes Kei feel bad that he thinks of you as anything but that. He doesn’t want you to be just a crush to him. Kei wants you to be like Tadashi, someone he can rely on and be comfortable with. He almost feels like he’s reversed what’s been done to him his whole life, like somehow he’s only become your friend because he wants something more. 

Truth is though, he doesn’t want anything more. Kei wants to stay exactly where he is. He doesn’t want his crush to develop any further. He doesn’t want to confess, he wants to forget. Even now, sitting on a couch in the library, he wants to imagine he doesn’t feel anything at all for you.  

“Hey, are you okay?” You tilt your head at him. 

“Huh? Me?” He questions. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You seem a little distracted,” you smile. “You’ve been staring at your computer for like… 10 minutes with this blank look on your face.” 

“You’ve been staring at me for 10 minutes?” He raises an eyebrow, trying to play off the embarrassment of being caught like that. 

“Not staring at you,” you huff, “but I definitely noticed.” 

“Ha, creep,” he tilts his head up a little, blowing air out of his nose. 

“You’re twisted, you know?” 

“Whatever,” he shrugs his shoulders and looks back at his computer screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you shake your head and smile before looking down at your work. 

Tadashi has said the same exact thing to him before. In highschool, after Kei had made a joke about his teammate Hinata’s height, Tadashi had given him a look and snorted that he’s so twisted. He’s been hearing that sort of thing his entire life. 

“Hey, are you cool if I skip out of here early?” You ask a few moments later. 

“Oh, yeah sure. I don’t mind,” he nods, hiding his disappointment. “I didn’t realize that we had like… set times to be here.” 

You laugh lightly. “Well, we don’t, but we tend to come and go at the same time, no? I kinda look forward to it.” 

Kei envies your honesty. You’re so honest all of the time. You say what you feel when it pops into your head. He wishes he could be like that, maybe then he would be able to say that he does too. Instead, he just nods and swallows his heart back down. You smile at him again and then gather your things. 

“You’ll be home on Friday night, right?” 

“Uhm, yeah? Why?” 

“Tadashi invited me and a few friends over, did he tell you?” 

“I think he mentioned it.” Kei has actually been thinking about it for the last couple days. 

“Good, I’ll see you, right?” 

“Yeah, you will.” 

“Great, talk to you later then!” You smile and with that, you walk away. 

You sounded so certain in that statement. Talk to you later. You said it like it was inevitable. Thinking about that, Kei can’t help but watch you go. He even likes looking at the back of you, though he wishes he could see your face too. It feels worse to be walked away from than walked towards. 

Kei can’t tell anymore if what he feels is romance or jealousy. It’s probably both. It’s probably some mix of the two that he can’t quite sort out. He wishes it weren’t that way. Kei gets the feeling that he might be ruined. 

So he just watched you leave the library. Someone is waiting for you at the top of the stairwell. Kei can tell they’re a guy and despite the reluctance of his feelings, his stomach drops anyway when you nudge his shoulder with yours and loop your arm around his. That’s something you haven’t done to Kei before. Touch him. You touch this other person so easily. It makes Kei jealous. 

It makes sense that you might be seeing someone, that there might be someone else. After all, you’re you. Desirable. You look up at the stranger, leaning on him, smiling and flashing your teeth. Yeah, it makes sense. 

Turns out, it’s easier to pretend that he doesn’t feel anything when he thinks you’re interested in someone else. He likes to think it will save him the time of wondering. 

—

Kei has cleaned his room approximately four times today. Sure, it’s overboard, but every time he goes into it, he notices something else that needs to be spruced up. Like a pot with a leak, there is always something that he seemed to miss the last time he went through and cleaned up. 

It’s not like you’ll be in his room tonight anyway, but you will be in his apartment and that’s close enough to his room that he, for whatever reason, needs to make it so spotless that it looks like a set. Kei knows though, that even when you’re here, he’ll be wondering if there’s something else that he missed beyond the closed door and he’ll think about it incessantly. 

He’s been avoiding the thought of him liking you. Instead, Kei cleans and cleans and then cleans some more for good measure. It’s not like he has any sort of claim on you and he knows that it’s stupid to feel jealous over one interaction he witnessed by chance, but his mind is running away with him. Was that person your boyfriend? Has he been begrudgingly pining over a taken person all these months? Do you think that he’s creepy because of it? 

He doesn’t get to be upset over the idea that you’re seeing someone else. Why wouldn’t you be? Kei’s done absolutely nothing to indicate his interest in you (or lack thereof), besides maybe telling you that he doesn’t hate you. He has no right to feel the way he does, but he spirals anyway. His insecurities, the ones that gnaw at him in the hours before he falls asleep, play in a constant loop in his head. His unreliability, his unpleasant personality, his cynicism, the baggage he carries with him like a badge. All of it piles up one by one. 

Kei feels like a kid again, losing himself over such a simple interaction, over something so miniscule that it might not even be considered anything at all. There are a plethora of reasons for his feeling like this and Kei thinks he could draw one of his issues out of a hat and it would still somehow address the situation at hand, but all he really feels is hurt and he doesn’t want to explain it away. Kei finds that liking someone hurts. It hurts more than it feels good and the uncertainty chews at his patience and leaves it razor thin. It’s not your fault, nor is it the person Kei’s convinced himself you’re seeing, but he needs someone to blame and it can’t be himself. 

The idea of you relying on someone else makes him nauseous. He’d never considered the thought before, that you find him as unreliable as others do. Kei wants to be relied on, most of all by you, and that fact makes him upset. He’s afraid of what you think of him and without the confidence to accept his feelings, it threatens to crush him. 

Kei’s got this itch over it, so he tries to distract himself. Cleaning his space to prepare for you helps him delude himself that he doesn’t quite like you at all. It’s not your fault. He’s just confused, like his parents were when they married each other. It hurts. Like they were when they had him to try and fix their marriage, which had started to fall apart even when Akiteru was an only child. He’s confused. He’s jealous over your ability to live the way Kei has always wanted to. That’s all this is. Nothing more and nothing less. He feels like he’s being split in two, stretched thin between two modes of thinking. 

Kei glances over his shoulder and into his room one last time. He’s forgotten to wipe the mirror. He goes back in and the cycle starts itself over. 

—

He’s not proud of his behavior. Kei thinks only a seriously huge asshole would be proud of the kind of behavior he displayed tonight. He regrets it immensely, though some part of him is begrudgingly holding onto the idea that maybe he was right to be so short tempered. Of course, that’s a lunatic’s idea. 

Tadashi is standing by the apartment door, mumbling something to you behind it. Over Tadashi’s shoulder, he sees you shake your head and in response, Tadashi gives a small bow before shutting the door to the shared apartment. Then, Tadashi turns and walks towards him. 

Kei doesn’t want to look at him, but Tadashi, for some reason, commands his gaze. 

“Is there a reason you were such a huge cunt tonight?” Tadashi sort of spits the words. They land at Kei’s feet and roll around before settling. 

“What are you talking about? I was normal,” he answers, though the statement sounds like a lie the moment it leaves his lips. 

“Bullshit,” Tadashi says. “You were being an asshole the second they walked through the door and you’ve been one to me all day.” 

Kei scoffs, his cheeks burning, “I’ve just been tired, dude. Besides, what does it matter? You’re closer to all of them than I am.”

“What? You’re tired so you just get to be a huge asshole?” 

“No,” Kei responds. 

“So then what was that?” 

Kei doesn’t really know. He doesn’t know what prompted him to act so cold or make such snide comments. It’s true, he’d been in a bad mood all day and he knows that Tadashi has borne the brunt of his misplaced emotions, but even Kei is confused as to why he’d acted the way he did. Still though, there is a part of him that knows that it was connected to his spiraling and what he saw in the library. He’d sound insane if he said it out loud, like somehow his growth was stunted in the third grade, but Kei is sure it had something to do with liking you and the hurt that comes with it. 

It’s not as if he’d been outwardly mean, but he had been cold. There are parts of himself that Kei doesn’t want you to see, sections of his personality that he ropes off from you because despite not liking you, he wants you to see the best in him. Tonight, he managed to somehow show off the worst. 

It started with the noise when everyone had arrived. You, Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Kiyoko, and Yachi had all piled into the apartment in one large group. Kei’d been sitting on the couch and the sound of the door startled him right off the bat. He assumed that by the time they all had rounded the corner into the living room, his face was already sour, because everyone had greeted him cautiously. 

It’s no surprise that everyone was so loud. Kei has known this particular group for many years and they, having all gone to school or work nearby, pile into his apartment often for events like these. You were really the only new factor in all of it and while Kei is known as a touchy person, he certainly was more touchy than usual tonight. 

You’d been trying to talk to him all evening and Kei, in a desperate attempt to avoid whatever lingering feelings he had for you, had been shutting you down at every turn. Thinking back on it, he’s endlessly embarrassed. You didn’t deserve that. You’d been nothing but kind to him and there Kei was holding a grudge over you for something he had no right to be angry about whatsoever. He had been holding a grudge over something that he’d learned later that evening that wasn’t even true. 

Kei thinks that what Tadashi is referring to, was deliberately picking a fight with Tanaka. Kei and Tanaka have never been particularly close. Even in high school, his boisterous and somewhat obnoxious personality has always rubbed Kei the wrong way. Despite that, Tanaka has somehow managed to maintain a connection to him through university and the two of them have established a tentative but honest friendship. 

You had been sitting on the arm of the couch beside Tanaka, leaning over him to look at something he was showing you on his phone. Then, you laughed a little too hard and Kei felt that familiar sense of injustice rise to his throat, thick and heavy. It’s an ugly feeling, the kind that makes Kei feel sick when he’s in bed late at night. Bile rose in his throat in the form of harsh words. Jealousy in the form of the verbal venom Kei excels at. 

For Kei, Tanaka was an easy target, someone he could poke at and get a satisfying rise out of. In the moment, the rise he’d gotten from Tanaka by making snide comments about the volume of his voice and his particular obsession with pretty girls had been exactly that, satisfying. 

He’d picked a small fight. Nothing physical, but just enough to get him irritated. Kei’s not proud of it, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t done it deliberately. After all, Tanaka has never been the type to be the bigger person and turn his nose up. 

Sometimes, when Kei is experiencing emotions he’d rather not deal with, he decides to obsess over one single thing. Usually, it’s cleaning or schoolwork. Tonight, it happened to be the volume of Tanaka’s voice, which he knows was a shitty thing to do. Despite wanting to be reliable, Kei can’t help but feel that he was endlessly immature, lashing out at someone completely unrelated to the situation just because he could. 

Tadashi pulls him from his thoughts. 

“I thought you liked them, dude,” his voice is even, letting up on the anger. 

“Who?” Kei plays dumb. 

Tadashi responds with your name and Kei stiffens slightly. “I thought you guys had gotten closer. What happened?” 

“Nothing happened,” Kei says. It’s the truth. Absolutely nothing happened. Kei had spiraled all on his own. 

“Why did you ignore them then?” 

“I didn’t ignore them,” Kei says. Again, it’s not a lie. He may have shut conversations down and been a little cold, but Kei couldn’t ignore you if he tried, it’s sort of the whole problem he’s dealing with now. 

“Maybe, but you were cold. Like… needlessly.” 

“I was fucking normal, Tadashi. You should know me well enough by now to know that,” Kei spits. 

“That’s the problem though, isn’t it? I know you and I know that shit wasn’t normal. You’re twisted, but you’re not an outright asshole, Kei. What’s going on?” 

“I was normal, Tadashi. Just because I didn’t bounce around or get rowdy, doesn’t mean that something is wrong,” Kei answers. 

“Yeah, but you were like… majorly fucking weird, Kei. You were being an asshole. Don’t you like them? Don’t you want to be nice to them?” 

“I don’t.” 

“You don’t want to be nice to them?” Tadashi scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“No, not that. I don’t like them like that anymore,” Kei lies. 

“Oh please, that’s such horseshit,” Tadashi laughs bitterly. 

“Get off my ass, Tadashi. I don’t fucking feel that way about them anymore,” Kei insists. 

“Did something happen?” 

“No, literally nothing happened! Why does something have to happen? I just don’t like them,” Kei feels himself getting indignant. Tadashi doesn’t deserve this either, but he seems to be indiscriminate with his poor behavior tonight. 

Tadashi looks at Kei for a moment, studying him and calculating all of the things only Tadashi could know about him. Kei tries to hide it. 

“Jesus, Kei, you’ve got to stop doing this shit,” Tadashi touches his hand to his forehead. 

“Doing what?” 

“Getting all in your head about every single connection you’ve ever had with a person,” Tadashi raises his voice. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means I’ve seen you do this a million times! You start to really feel something for a person and then you fucking back away like a dog with its tail between its legs!” 

“I don’t do that!” 

“Yes, you do! You sabotage yourself until the other person is forced to do something about it!” Tadashi exhales. 

“I’ve never done that deliberately! What does someone else’s actions have to do with me?” 

“It doesn’t have to do with you,” Tadashi says, “It has to do with your parents.” 

The wind is knocked out of Kei, air sucked from his lungs. He furrows his eyebrows at Tadashi, his mouth slightly open. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Tadashi pushes, angry and trying to make him listen. “Not every relationship is like your parents’, Kei.” 

Tadashi knows he’s stepped over the line the moment he says it. If it hadn’t registered before, it registers clearly on his face now, regret settling over Tadashi’s usually bright features. Kei gapes at him for a moment, running through his thoughts and trying to pick out one that best verbalizes what it is he feels. Kei comes up empty. 

“Shit-” Tadashi starts towards him. “Kei, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I’m just pissed off I didn’t mean to-” 

Kei pushes past him. “Tadashi, I know you mean well, but don’t try to tell me about my fucking parents.” 

Tadashi doesn’t try to stop him when Kei flings the front door open and walks outside.

—

Kei remembers it like it was yesterday. He remembers all of it. 

He can clearly recall the way shattered glass looked on the marble tiles of his childhood home. White porcelain, broken up into multitudes by his mother and father. They never laid hands on each other, but everything else in the house was fair game. Kei’s lost count of the amount of broken glass dishes and picture frames he’d swept from the floor. 

Kei’s parents had always been on and off in their affection for each other. One minute, they were deeply in love and the next, they were at each other’s throats. Neither of them were bad people, but they made each other bad people. The two of them brought out the worst in each other, maybe on account of knowing the other so well. 

Akiteru was an accident. His brother knows this because when his parents argued, they never let him forget it. In their spats, leverage was whatever they could get their hands on, and that just happened to be Akiteru and the unfortunate circumstances of an accidental pregnancy. 

His parents got married at 19, thinking that they’d be able to handle a child, that their marriage was anything but rushed. They convinced themselves that it was love, when the reality was that Akiteru came because they were too young and stupid to prevent it. At least, that’s what Kei and Akiteru had settled on in the evenings after the yelling had died down and they were left to make sense of it in their shared bedroom. 

They had Kei to fix the marriage. Kei knows this because, like Akiteru, his father’s marital “solution” in the form of a second child was constant leverage to his mother. Kei grew up asking Akiteru why his mother and father even had children in the first place. 

Their relationship was rocky and unstable, predictable and toxic. They, like Kei, would do things to get rises out of each other. They’d make digs, do things to get under the other’s skin. They did it for attention, for affection, or out of loathing for the person they’d decided to make their life partner. When things settled, they got bored. His parents often mistakened calmness for complacency in their relationship. His parents loved each other, but they hated each other just as much, and it was he and Akiteru who paid the price. 

They got divorced when he was fourteen and any chance of Kei having a normal family went to the courthouse with the divorce papers. Akiteru was 20 at the time and managed to avoid the brunt of the custody battle. Kei still gets unexplainably angry with Akiteru for leaving him alone, though he knows that it’s not his fault. The only way Kei could make sense of it was through blame and it was easier to blame Akiteru for lying about volleyball or leaving him alone than it was to blame himself. Both Kei’s father and mother tried for full custody, not because they loved him that much, but because they knew that it would destroy the other. In the end, Kei spent his weekdays with his mother because she lived closer to his school, and weekends with his father just because. 

It happens all the time. People grow together, then grow apart, and grow to loathe each other. Kei watched it happen to his parents, he watched it happen to his friends, he watched it happen to himself with his own reflection. That’s just the way it goes. 

The air outside of his apartment is cool and breezy. He can feel the wind through his sweater, cutting through the gaps in the stitching and into his skin. Kei feels like he can think a little better out here, sitting on the short concrete wall with his back to the apartment building. He stares at his feet, outstretched in front of him. He's still wearing his house slippers. 

Kei did this once when he was younger. The fight that night had been particularly bad and his parents had resulted to throwing things across their bedroom. Kei could hear picture frames shatter through two walls and he wondered which memories they’d decided to trash. A particularly loud shout had sent Kei out of the front door and onto the curb in front of the house. 

He remembers crying, staring at his house slippers on the pavement, afraid because he could hear the shouting even from the lawn. Akiteru had come out to get him, sitting down beside him on the curb and putting his arm around him. 

“Are mom and dad gonna get divorced?” Kei had asked through sniffles. 

“Divorced? No, no,” Akiteru answered. “It’s just a rough patch. It happens to all couples. Mommy and Daddy will be fine.” 

“It’s normal?” Kei sniffled. 

Akiteru paused for a moment. Looking back, Kei realizes that Akiteru was debating on whether or not to lie to protect him. Kei wishes he hadn’t. 

“Yeah, it’s normal.” 

Normal. Kei realizes that he doesn’t exactly know what a normal relationship looks like. He is his parents' son. What they had in them, he has in him. Kei knows that those habits, the digs, the sour statements, the passive aggressiveness, are all things he’s picked up from watching them. Some role models they were. 

He needs to apologize to Tadashi. He may have overstepped, but Kei knows that he’d been an asshole tonight. He’ll need to apologize to Tanaka as well. And to you, which is perhaps the scariest part of this. He wants to apologize for his behavior, but apologizing means that he has to admit that he’d acted the way his parents did, out of jealousy and a pull for attention. Yup, he’s his parents’ son alright. 

Kei tilts his head up toward the sky. Only half of it is visible, the other half blocked by the three story apartment complex directly behind him. It’s a clear night, but he can’t see any stars and the moon is nowhere to be found. Kei wonders when the morning will come. It’s a few hours off, but he thinks about how the sky will look when the sun begins to rise. 

“Kei,” a familiar voice calls from in front of him. 

You’re a few feet away, your hands clasped in front of you. 

“Thought you went home,” he says. 

“Yeah well, I had intended to,” you start, “but you seemed off and I felt weird going back without checking on you. Can I sit?” 

Kei shrugs his shoulders, mortified and angry at being caught like this. He appreciates the thought, but you’re the last person he wants to see right now. It just means he needs to face his shortcomings sooner. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Kei answers automatically. 

“Just decided on some fresh air?” You smile a little and Kei blows air out of his nose. 

“Yup, that’s exactly it.” 

You sit next to him with your legs outstretched the same way his are, your hands are laced together in front of you, hanging down between your thighs. Kei doesn’t make an effort to say anything and neither do you. Instead, he just trains his head back up towards the sky and attempts to collect his thoughts, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

Strangely, tonight he doesn’t feel nervous. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have the energy to. Maybe he’s too preoccupied with being sorry to pay any mind to the heart palpitations he gets when you’re around. Maybe it’s because even though he showed you the worst of him tonight, you still came back. It’s a small hope, but it’s there. 

“Hey,” your voice comes quietly, “I don’t know what’s going on, but if you need- I mean- if you want to talk about it, I’m a pretty good ear.” 

Kei nods a little. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “about tonight.” 

“I didn’t come here for an apology, you know?” You exhale a little. 

“Yeah, but you deserve one,” he says. “I was pretty shitty to you.” 

“Yeah, you were,” you agree, catching Kei off guard, “but it happens to all of us. Sometimes we feel things and just can’t keep them inside, you know?” 

“Yeah,” he agrees, swallowing down his shame. 

There’s another long silence. You don’t move to touch him or talk to him, instead, you provide steady company. Kei, as strange as it is, is comforted by your presence. 

“I fought with Tadashi,” Kei says after a few minutes. 

“Today?” 

“Yeah, tonight. After everyone left,” he says. “I deserved it though. I’ve been pretty shitty to him all day.” 

You hum, leaning back on your hands. 

“I did the same shit in high school too, you know?” Kei starts. “We’ve uhm- we’ve known each other for a while, the group that was over tonight. Around the end of middle school some shit happened and I uh- I took out a lot of what I was feeling on Tadashi and the others, but mostly Tadashi because he was the only one who knew.” 

Kei isn’t sure why he’s telling you this. Maybe Tadashi was right. Maybe this is another attempt at self sabotage. 

“You bullied him?” You ask, a little surprised. 

Kei shakes his head. “No, but I wasn’t very nice either. Anyone could tell you that. I thought I was past it, though,” he admits, a little defeated. 

“Did you ever apologize?” 

Kei looks up at you in surprise. Your eyes are full of something, curiosity, maybe pity. 

“For what you did in school?” 

He nods. “Countless times, and not just to Tadashi either, to everyone.” 

“You know, stuff like this happens,” you say. “When I was little, I used to hate sharing. Toys, food, friends. I’d hate it when my friends were friends with other people. It made me insecure and I’d get mad at them for it. I grew out of it, but sometimes I still get that way and I have to apologize later.” 

Kei laughs. It’s strikingly similar to what’s happening now, not that you’d have any way of knowing. 

“I can’t imagine you doing that,” he says. 

“I’m serious,” you say. “I still get weird over it sometimes.” 

Kei shakes his head a little, smiling. 

“All that I’m saying is that sometimes we slip up, that’s all. It’s normal,” you continue. “Not that I’m condoning it. Just saying that it doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you human.” 

“Thanks,” he says softly. 

“No problem,” you respond. 

“So why’d you fight with him tonight?” 

“He was angry with me because I was an asshole,” Kei shrugs.

“And you’re mad that he called you out?” You give a quiet and somewhat incredulous laugh. 

Kei shakes his head. “No, I’m angry about what he said after.” 

“What’d he say?” 

Kei debates on telling you. He doesn’t want to make himself out to be a victim. After all, Tadashi meant no harm, even if his comment did exactly that. 

“The argument kind of switched subjects,” Kei tiptoes around the fact that the subject was you. “He brought up a bad habit of mine and I got defensive.” 

“Okay,” you say, waiting for him to say more. 

“Remember when I said that something happened at the end of middle school and only Tadashi knew about it?” When you nod, Kei continues. “My parents got divorced. They were a bad match and it was messy. He brought it up.” 

You nod again, your eyes wide. 

“He didn’t mean any harm, I know that,” Kei inhales. “But uh- that stuff kind of sticks with you. Well, it’s stuck with me and I didn’t like having it used to explain my behaviors, even if he was right. I’m not deflecting or anything though. I know I was the problem tonight.” 

“Sure,” you say. “I’m sorry about your parents.” 

Kei shrugs. “It’s in the past. They’re both remarried now with new kids.” 

The last sentence leaves Kei with a sour taste in his mouth. His parents are good people, but after his childhood, he doesn’t think they have any business having more children. Maybe they’re capable of being good for them, but Kei doesn’t like to imagine that. It makes him feel like their marriage wasn’t the problem, but he and Akiteru were. 

“You say that like they got a new pet,” you smile a little. “Are you still in touch with them?” 

“Yeah,” he says. “I visit whenever I go back home, though they’re really not too far from here.” 

“That’s good of you.” 

“Well, they are my parents,” Kei says plainly. 

You’re the only other person he’s divulged this to by choice and your reactions, understanding and level-headed, make him feel better. It’s like getting a weight off of his chest. This is the worst of him. This little bit of information, his history of being unable to fully confront his feelings, of taking anger out on others when he was young, is where his problems originate. 

“Yeah, but you’re allowed to feel what you feel about it,” you say. “My mom died when I was eleven. Texting and driving. I’m still angry at her for it.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says. 

You shrug and offer him a wry smile. “It’s in the past, but I’m still angry even though I shouldn’t be.” 

“At her?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “She made a stupid mistake that we’re constantly warned about and left my dad and me behind. I was so angry with her, still am. I love her though, perceived faults and all.” 

Kei thinks about whether or not he loves his parents. He thinks he does, even if he resents them. Kei can’t imagine what he’d do without them. Even though his childhood had few emotional comforts, he still can’t think about a world where he doesn’t visit home to have his mother’s cooking. That’s a world that you live in. 

“That’s hard.” It’s all Kei can think to offer. 

“It was,” you say. “Got easier though as soon as I started accepting things. Now I just miss her more than I hate her.”

Another bout of silence follows this. It must be close to two in the morning and he’s been outside so long that he can no longer feel the tip of his nose. 

“Anyway, about tonight,” you say, “it’s not a crime to feel what you feel, but if you need help, that’s what we’re here for. It’s easier to accept feelings and get hurt than to ignore them, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah,” Kei says, looking to face you. “Thank you.” 

You’re so pretty. It’s striking. The curvature and angles of your face, the gentle look in your eyes, softened by the conversation. Kei finds himself thinking that despite not wanting to face you a few hours earlier, he’s grateful that you showed up. You’re good in ways that Kei can hardly fathom. 

“You should go inside. Tadashi is probably wondering where you are,” you say, standing up. “Plus,” you pinch the tip of his nose between your middle and pointer knuckles, “your nose looks like a cherry tomato.”

“Rude,” he says, startled by the sudden touch. 

“Payback,” you shrug your shoulders and Kei rolls his eyes. 

“Do you need me to walk you home?” Kei offers, a bit nervous about you walking home on your own. 

“I’d love to take you up on that, but you seem tired and I don’t live very far,” you respond. “I’ll call you when I get home though, okay? Since you’re so worried.” 

Kei laughs a little and then nods, standing up. “Yeah, I am.” 

His honesty surprises even him, but you just tilt your head and give him a small smile. 

“I’ll see you on Monday,” you say. “Thanks for the apology” 

“Anytime.”

“I hope not,” you laugh and Kei follows suit. 

You begin to turn on your heel, giving a small wave. 

Kei doesn’t know what overcomes him, but he calls out your name and reaches for your wrist. Before he has a moment to think about what he’s doing, he pulls you to his chest in a hug. You stiffen and then relax in his grip, wrapping your arms around him. Your body is warmer than his, sending heat through the gaps in his sweater. 

“You can call even if it’s not to tell me you got home safe,” he says. “If you want to.” 

You squeeze him around the middle. “Okay, I will.” 

When Kei lets go, he finds that his face is burning. The cold has been replaced by a flush of blood, making his vision a little syrupy.

“Thanks for coming back,” he says. “Get home safe.” 

“Of course,” you sound a little dazed, wearing an expression that Kei thinks might match his. “And I will.” 

Then, you smile at him, flashing your teeth and giving him a wave. You hold up your phone and point to it. 

“Expect a call!” 

Kei nods and raises his arm to wave goodbye.

He stands and watches your figure as you walk down the sidewalk and turn the corner. When you’re out of sight, he lingers by the door to his building, just in case you decide to come back. You don’t come back, but Kei lingers anyway, considering the conversation. 

He goes inside, intent on apologizing to Tadashi. When he opens the door to his apartment, the lights are still on in the living room and Tadashi gets up from the couch and walks quickly down the hall to him.

“Kei, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Don’t worry,” Kei says. “I know. I’m sorry about tonight too. And for treating you like that today. And for high school.” 

“High school?” Tadashi says, confused. “Why are you bringing up high school?” 

“Just wanted to apologize again.” 

Kei can feel his eyes drooping, exhaustion creeping into his body and replacing the elated feeling he had moments before. 

“I didn’t mean to bring your parents into it. How you like someone is none of my business,” Tadashi says. “I was out of line.” 

“So was I,” Kei admits through a tired sigh. “I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’ll apologize to the others in the morning.” 

Tadashi narrows his eyes a little and nods. Kei, besieged by that sleepy late night feeling, moves towards his bedroom. 

“Hey, Kei,” his voice comes out a little louder this time. “You’re being surprisingly easy-going. Are we good?” 

Kei scoffs a little, rubbing his eyes. “I just had some time to think, that’s all. And yeah, we’re good.” 

“Okay, are you good?” 

“Yeah, I am,” Kei says. 

Before he closes the door to his room, he furrows his eyebrows and makes a firm decision. 

“By the way,” Tadashi turns to him, cocking his head to the side in response. “I lied. I do like them.” 

“Could have guessed as much,” he responds, laughing a little. “See you in the morning.” 

“Yup, see you in the morning.” 

Kei shuts the door to his room. It clicks into place quietly. His room is spotless. It looks like a room that could be easily emptied at any time. He sighs, stepping into it and laying down on his bed. His phone is on the comforter next to him, lying face up. 

When it lights up, it illuminates the ceiling above him and he answers the phone without needing to check who's calling. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, I got home safe,” he hears your keys clink against something and then the sound of a door shutting. Then, he hears the sound of you laying down on your bed. He imagines you’re lying the same way he is. 

“Good, I’m glad,” he says. “No trouble?” 

“No trouble at all,” you say. He can hear your smile. 

“Thanks again for coming back tonight,” he says, turning over onto his side and letting the phone rest on the bed in front of his face. 

“Of course,” you say.

He doesn’t know what else to say. His nerves have caught up to him and your voice through the speaker sounds so close, like you’re whispering directly into his ear. 

“Okay, well I’m going to go to bed,” Kei starts. 

“Kei?” you say. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m gonna take you up on your offer. About calling you. Just wanted you to know.” 

“Okay,” he swallows. 

“I feel a lot closer to you.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

“Goodnight, Kei,” you practically whisper. 

“Goodnight,” he responds, lowering his voice the same way you did. You hang up the phone and the call ends. 

He blinks at his phone for a moment before standing up and getting ready for bed. Kei goes through the motions while thinking about how the evening got here. He’d been certain before it began that he no longer liked you, that he was confused. Now, he’s certain of the opposite. 

He decides that he’ll like you for real this time. Even if he’s afraid of hurting himself, of hurting you.

Kei lays down in his bed and faces the ceiling. He thinks about his parents, about your mother, about you. The cadence of your voice, the slight tremor in it. He thinks about your expressions, understanding and unintrusive. He thinks about your history, the anger you’d admitted to him and the grace you’d given him in his own circumstances. 

He dreams of braids, like DNA. Coils of pink yarn woven together in an intricate pattern. A molecular change not visible to the naked eye. Morning comes like liquid gold, spilling across his bedspread in slats through the window.

—

Kei’s apologies go smoothly. Tadashi’s friends—his friends—are good people. They know him better than most and field his awkward, stumbling apology with steady hands. 

He’d explained his sour mood in as little detail as possible, deliberately omitting his feelings for you while doing so, and he made a special effort to apologize to Tanaka. He’s easygoing and quick to forget, but Kei knows that even after accepting the apology, Tanaka will lord it over his head for a week or two. Tanaka thinks those kinds of things are funny and Kei won’t try to tell him otherwise. 

You do take Kei up on his offer. You call him twice a week now. Sometimes it’s to tell him something relevant to him, other times, you just whisper into the phone that you just felt like talking. Either way, it’s not good for his heart. Kei thinks that at this rate, it might just give out. 

There are a lot of things that Kei could say about liking you. It makes his days a little brighter. When he remembers that he has someone he cares about like that, he feels a surge of excitement for no particular reason. He finds that he looks forward to seeing you and goes out of his way to do so, more than he did before he was willing to admit it. 

He’s noticed the way you eat, like every bite of food is even better than the last. He’s noticed that you wipe the condensation off of your cups before each sip. He’s noticed that when you’re studying, you’ll pull at the collar of your shirt absentmindedly and then become frustrated when it is stretched out of place. Kei likes all of these things about you. 

Kei has also found that liking someone hurts. It hurts worse than he thought it would. Insecurity weaves its way into even the most minor of interactions. He’s self conscious almost all of the time, adjusting his hair, clothing, glasses right down to minor details. As of late, Kei appears more put together than he ever has, but the reality is that he’s probably the least put together he’s ever been. 

When you’re around, Kei is awkward and clumsy. He drops things, trips over nothing, loses control over his lanky limbs and overshoots things. He feels like a teenager again, not that he’s that far off from one. 

Still, one thing overshadows all of this. Kei is so comfortable around you, so peaceful despite the nerves and insecurity, that he’s able to forget about the worst of it. Forgetting about the worst of things is not something Kei is particularly good at. He’s cynical by nature. You help to ease the burden of it. 

The coffee shop he’s visiting with you today is quiet. The room is decorated with dark oak wood and the tables are accented by the rings of the trees the wood was cut from. The early spring light filters in at angles through the windows letting out onto the street. It falls across your notebooks and the knuckles of your hand, wrapped evenly around a black pen. 

You’d brought him here to study instead of going to the library and Kei can’t help but think that it feels like a date. His tea sits half-finished in a mug beside his laptop, beginning to cool to room temperature. Your coffee sits by your unoccupied hand and every now and then, you’ll reach to take a sip of the warm beverage without even glancing up. 

Kei has spent so much time watching you today, that he’s hardly gotten any work done. His computer is open on a document with a paragraph of writing about nudity in the classical period, which he hasn’t touched in about 10 minutes. He’s been clicking blankly around the page, adding spaces and then deleting them and then glancing up over the edge of the screen to look at the way you purse your lips when you’re focused. 

“You’d get a lot more done if you stopped staring,” you say, not looking up from your notebook. 

Kei chokes on his exhale. “What?” 

You laugh a little, looking up at him through your lashes. God, you’re pretty. 

“The document?” You chuckle. “You’re not fooling anyone by clicking around randomly like that.” 

“Oh,” Kei furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head a little. “Yeah, just can’t seem to focus.” 

“What’s the paper on?” You set down your pen and cross your arms on the table. 

“It’s not really a paper,” he says. “It’s a visual analysis on the Aphrodite of Knidos.” 

“Is that the one without the arms?” 

“No, but they come from the same family of statues,” Kei smiles a little. 

You hum a bit. “Do you like it?” 

“Like, do I think the statue’s pretty?” Kei closes the screen of his laptop to see you better. “Yeah, I do. Learning about the history of it is a bit depressing though.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, Aphrodite was one of the most powerful Greek gods, right?” He says, and you nod your head and roll your eyes because you know that already. “But this statue group intrudes on a private moment of hers. She’s trying to cover up her body, probably just before or after a bath. It’s meant to be humiliating.” 

You tilt your head. “Sounds more interesting than molecular structures at least.” 

Kei laughs a little. “Yeah, I think it’s just a bit more interesting.” 

“Why did you choose to study art history?” You question, leaning forward on your elbows. 

Kei feels awkward at receiving the question. He doesn’t like talking about himself much, let alone his passions. They tend to get away from him. 

“Probably because I’m no good at art,” he smiles a little. 

“Such a shame, what with your artist’s hands and all,” you reach across the table and tap his knuckle. 

Kei feels the color rise to his cheeks. 

“You’re no good at art, so you study art history instead?” You press for more. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I like things that people make with their hands. There’s a lot of human expression in ancient art, good and bad. Gives a bit more context into who we were before.” 

You lean back in the chair, grinning at him. Kei bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to notice the slope of your neck. 

“Why are you studying molecular bio?” He changes the subject. 

You shrug your shoulders. “I want a good cushy job that makes me a lot of money.” 

Kei watches the corners of your lips curl up. 

“Plus,” you continue, “I wanted to show off a little bit.” 

“So you put yourself through four years of torture?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Yup, I’m a huge masochist,” you grin. 

“You STEM kids are unbearable, you know?” Kei snorts. 

“But you like me anyway, yeah?” 

Kei nods, heat creeping up his neck, and watches you return to your work. 

It’s true, he does like you anyway. Kei likes you so much, in fact, that it frightens him. Well, the idea of liking someone has always frightened Kei, whether he’s noticed it or not. Commitment, or lack thereof, make Kei nervous in the same way heights do. He feels like he could lose his footing at any moment. 

That’s probably why he doesn’t want to do anything in particular about his feelings. Kei is content with just feeling them. He’s content to just be able to like you in his own way, even if nothing ever comes of it. He probably shouldn’t do anything about them, considering the back and forth battle he’s waged in his mind over the last few months. He’s too indecisive to do anything but like you, and even that feels herculean to accept. 

Not that liking you is a hard thing to do. You’re easy to like. It’s easy for him to picture touching you. It’s easy for Kei to imagine late night conversations and little intimacies shared over damp pillows. You’re easy to talk to, floating through conversations and navigating conflict with a sure step, something Kei can’t do. It’s not hard to find things to admire. 

Kei imagines what it would be like to be with you. He imagines the feel of your hands in his, how you might look spread beneath him, the inside of your thighs pressing against his hips. He imagines how his glasses might fog up with your breath and slip down the bridge of his nose. What do you taste like? What do you feel like? 

A little alarm bell sounds in his head. This is a dangerous line of thought, a greedy one. Kei doesn’t think he can handle greed, not when it comes to you. He got a taste of it that day when he saw you leave with someone else and again the following Friday. Kei doesn’t mix well with it, with wanting. Still, he wants. 

—

It’s a breezy day. It cuts the growing humidity as the beginning of May creeps on. This is no doubt one of the best times of year, though Kei prefers the fall or winter. Still, even with the slightly sticky air, his walk to class is pleasant. He’d even venture to say that it’s good. 

Light filters through the trees, blooming with their spring flowers, and in the distance he can see a familiar row of cherry blossoms just beginning to bloom. As he approaches them, he finds himself admiring their delicate petals, wondering just how brief their bloom will be before they come cascading down. One tree among the pink rows has yet to open its flowers. The buds sit on their branches, shades of green and gray. A late bloomer. This tree will no doubt flower once the other petals have fallen, and when it does, it’ll become the most eye-catching thing on the street. 

Kei admires it for a moment, standing below the thing and looking up through its twisting branches. It’s so small, much smaller than the rest of its counterparts, and its branches don’t look too full of yet-to-bloom buds either. 

There was a tree like this outside of Kei’s childhood home, the one his family lived in together when it was whole. It would always bloom a week after the others and every year he would worry that it never would. Of course, he kept this fear to himself, but he often watched it from his bedroom window when Akiteru was out. He’d press his face against the glass and pray for the flowers to come so that it didn’t get left behind. Sure enough though, it would bloom without fail and leave scattered pink petals across his yard and doorstep. Kei wonders if this tree in front of him will do the same. 

“Thinking about changing your major to plant sciences, Kei?” 

He jumps, started by your voice and your proximity. 

“Jesus,” Kei turns, “you need a bell or something.” 

“You’re the one standing in public staring at a tree with no flowers on it,” you laugh a little. 

Kei shrugs his shoulders, not really willing to give an explanation for the train of thought he was just on. 

“Where’re you headed?” he questions. 

“Dropping off an assignment,” you smile lightly, “wanna come with me?” 

“I can’t. I’ve got a class in 15.” 

“Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes,” you shrug. “We’ll make it.” 

“We?” Kei raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, you come with me to drop off my paper and then I drop you off at class. It’s a win-win.” 

“Sounds like I’m just doing a lot of extra walking,” Kei snorts. 

“Yeah, but you get to do it with me so it’ll be more fun.” 

Kei folds and goes with you to drop off your assignment. It’s an essay assigned by an old-fashioned professor who doesn’t like electronic submissions. You comment off-handedly on what a waste of paper it is and Kei nods, just happy to hear about it. 

It’s strange. Kei is normally very tied to his routine. It keeps him sane, helps him to organize his thoughts and feelings into neat compartments. For Kei, an orderly life is an orderly mind. Somehow though, you ask him to deviate from that and he’s more than willing, eager even, to oblige you. Better yet, he does it without feeling off-kilter. Well, without feeling as off-kilter about his daily life. When it comes to you, Kei is about as stable as a pogo stick. 

The walk to your professor's office is only a few minutes from his classroom, just a few buildings over, but by the time you both arrive there, Kei’s palms are sweating. He resorts to shoving them in his pockets and wiping them on the inside of his pants, mortified at the idea of accidentally touching you like this. 

“Hey, about tonight,” you start after dropping the paper off with a quick bow. 

You’re supposed to come over. It’s the first time you and Kei have agreed to hang out at one of your places alone and Kei has been compartmentalizing his nerves so harshly that he’d almost forgotten about it entirely. Maybe that explains his easy-going mood. 

“Yeah?” 

“So, Tadashi may have mentioned it in front of the others,” you give him a sheepish grin, “and they may have asked to come and I definitely told them ‘the more the merrier’.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Kei’s a little disappointed. “So they’re coming too?” 

“Yeah, is that okay?” You furrow your eyebrows. 

Kei can’t very well come out and say that it isn’t, because his reason for thinking that is entirely about monopolizing your time. Kei says he doesn’t want to do anything about these feelings, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t indulge just a little into the foreign feeling of accepting that he’s ‘in like’. 

“Yeah sure, why wouldn’t it be?” 

You raise an eyebrow at him and Kei misses the message entirely. 

“I dunno, you’re not really a fan of bigger groups right?” 

“Not really,” Kei shrugs, “but I’ve known them for a while so it doesn’t count.” 

You nod your head and then smile. “Great! Now, where is your class?” 

“Social Sciences,” Kei glances down at the brown watch on his wrist. “In about… four minutes.” 

“Wanna run? Can’t be late, can you?” 

Kei does not want to run. He runs anyway. You’re faster than he is and your step is louder. The soles of your shoes thump on the floor with every step you take and your whole body lurches forward with each bound. When you reach the end of the hallway his class is in, Kei is completely winded. Considering that he plays volleyball as a hobby, he should really be in better shape. He attributes his lack of breath to your presence. Maybe he’d been holding it while watching you run. 

You glance into his full classroom, giving him a relieved look upon seeing that the professor has not begun her lecture yet. Then, you bounce twice on the tips of your toes and start jogging in the other direction. 

“Have a good class!” You call. 

“What’s the rush?” he questions. 

“I’ve got class now too, dummy. Just wanted to hang out with you for a few more minutes.” Then, you turn and run off, your bag bouncing against the side of your leg as you round a corner and fly down a set of stairs. 

That’s the thing about you that Kei can’t get enough of. When Kei takes a step back, when he resigns himself to being okay with just a chance meeting and a brief hello, you take a step forward. Whatever Kei lacks, you make up for tenfold. Your outstretched hand makes him greedier. It makes Kei want more than he’s ever wanted before. He goes to class starved for something that isn’t food, a feeling Kei hasn’t experienced often, let alone leaned into. He lets himself feel the hunger. 

—

Day melts away to a cool evening, still slightly wet, but like the dampness before rain. The air loses its warm touch, creeping into something chillier. Kei opens his bedroom window to let the air in. He likes the smell of cool nights. He wants his room to smell like it when he sleeps tonight. 

“Sorry that I spilled the beans about tonight,” Tadashi leans in the doorway of his room. 

“It’s not like that,” Kei rolls his eyes, already irritated with the implication that whatever you and Kei had organized was anything more than two friends hanging out. 

“Sure it isn’t,” he laughs. 

“I’m serious dude,” Kei fights the urge to throw something soft at him. 

“You wanted to hang out with them alone, right?” Tadashi tilts his head. His dark hair falls to the side and around his neck. 

“I just said it wasn’t like that!” 

Tadashi gives an even laugh. “You’re the one making it dirty, Tsukki, not me.” 

Heat floods Kei’s face, painting it red. 

“Caught ya,” Tadashi smiles. 

“When the hell are you moving out?” Kei grumbles and Tadashi gives another good natured laugh. 

“Not until you do. You’re stuck with me.” 

“Not if I kill you,” Kei doesn’t smile when he says this. 

Tadashi barks a laugh. “So what changed?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean with you. You seem a little more upbeat lately,” Tadashi says. “Nothing like the sad sack from a few months ago.” 

“I was kidding before but now I’m serious. I really will kill you.” 

Tadashi shakes his head a little but doesn’t say anything, intruding on Kei’s space until he gives an answer. 

“I just got tired of it, that’s all,” Kei says evenly, though it’s a little hard to admit. 

“Tired of what?” 

“Pretending,” he says plainly, glancing up at Tadashi in the doorway. 

“Because of them?” 

“No,” he starts. “Maybe. I don’t know. Can you leave now?” 

Tadashi shakes his head. “Too curious to leave.” 

“I don’t have an answer for you,” Kei grumbles. “I got tired of pretending I didn’t want them.” 

“Not like you were very good at pretending,” Tadashi laughs and Kei tosses him a sharp look. 

He raises his hands defensively, tucking his chin downwards and laughing lightly. “Okay, fine. I’m gone now.” 

“They’ll be here in an hour or so, by the way,” Kei adds and Tadashi gives a little hum to confirm that he’s heard him as he leaves the room. 

Kei glances around his room. The floor is bare, save for a small mat by the side of his bed to keep the shock of warm feet on a cold floor in the morning away. That notebook, dear to him as it is, still sits on the desk. It’s empty, but Kei likes the look of it. 

The hour before you and his friends are meant to arrive goes by so slowly that Kei worries that he’s gotten the day wrong. He incessantly checks his watch. It’s a brown leather watch with a square face. Thin and somewhat old fashioned, Kei prefers it to pulling his phone out to check the time. His Dad has one like it, almost matching. It had been given to him as a gift at his high school graduation and Kei had accepted it begrudgingly. He’d not been on good terms with his parents then and having them both in the same space for his graduation day was more trouble than it was worth. Still, he wears the watch almost daily. Despite having the impression that his parents never really cared about him, it was a fine gift for him and the brown strap suits his light skin tone in the same way it suits his father’s. 

He walks to the mirror in his room, hanging on the wall beside his nightstand, and peers into it. Kei’s curly hair is somewhat unruly. It’s hard to manage, especially in the warmer months when his waves turn into frizzy curls that he can’t seem to keep down. It’s gotten longer, coming down to just above the bottom of his ears at the back and curls upwards in licks of thick blond. 

Kei fiddles with it for a moment, tucking it behind his ears and then deciding to pull it forward. He could put gel in it to help calm it down, but he hates the greasy look of it and he’s never been one to primp and preen. He adjusts his glasses on his nose, square frames in a tortoiseshell pattern. They look expensive, though they’re only a cheap pair that he’d found at the drug store and had the lenses replaced. 

He looks normal. Kei looks like himself, if not a bit flushed in the face from his nerves. His reflection is one he is oddly unfamiliar with, despite it being his throughout his entire life. At some point during high school, he’d stopped recognizing the man in the mirror as Kei and started viewing him as a separate entity. Kei Two, a version of him that can make a home out of a space and find things to write in his notebook. Kei Two’s family is still whole and unbroken, and he likes to imagine that he’s a little more friendly than the real-world version. He looks away from the mirror, content today with being the original. 

Kei is in the living room and around the corner when the front door latch clicks open and is followed by a symphony of raucous voices. He takes a sharp inhale, unsure of why this feels so different from the hundreds of other times you’ve all piled into his living room. 

“Where’s Kei?” He hears you call, dragging out the syllable of his name in a soft hum. 

That’s why. It’s because this time, you’ve come here to see him specifically. You’re not here to see Tadashi or by chance, you’re here because you’d made plans to see Kei. That’s what makes it different. 

You round the corner and Kei is hit full force in the chest with his emotions and his nerves. It happens all at once, keeping the air from his lungs. You’re smiling, beaming even, and Kei thinks that maybe it’s because you can hear the hammer of his heart against his chest. 

“Hi,” you breathe, plopping down next to him on the couch. 

“Hey,” he chokes out. 

Kei chides himself for his nerves. He’d been doing better about getting weird around you, but today he feels closer to blowing up than he ever has. 

Hinata, Kageyama, Yachi, and Noya make their way into the kitchen, each one clapping Tadashi on the back as they do. They beeline for their fridge, opening the door and flooding the floor with artificial white light as they pull out enough beers and sodas to supply a small army. Kei wonders why he and Tadashi ever bought so many of them. Kei hardly drinks, but he supposes that Tadashi just likes to host. 

“Tanaka and Kiyoko?” Tadashi questions as he makes his way into the living room with the group. His beer cracks open with a satisfying pop. 

“Date night,” Noya says, sinking into one of the arm chairs situated around the coffee table. “So annoying.”

He groans about Kiyoko, someone he’s all but worshiped since high school. 

“You’re just mad it isn’t you,” Kageyama quips, giving a somewhat mean grin. 

“Not true,” Noya argues. “I am the happiest person in the world for them! But now they go on dates and I can’t come. It’s like I lost a bro.” 

“You’re so overreacting,” Yachi adds, her lips forming around high pitched syllables. “They’re here most of the time.” 

“Yeah, most but not all,” Noya pouts. 

“Give the same energy to Daichi, Suga, and Asahi next time, kay?” Tadashi laughs. 

Their friend group is a large one, consisting of most (if not all) of their highschool volleyball team. While Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi are the same age as Kei and Tadashi, Tanaka and Noya are a year older, and Kiyoko is two. Daichi, Asahi, and Suga all went to universities outside of Sendai, meaning they hardly ever see them. All in all, the rest of the group is pretty bummed about it. Kei just finds that he misses having Daichi around to reel everyone in. Now that he’s gone, that job has somehow gone to Tadashi, who is more of an enabler than anything else. 

“They’re different and you know it,” Noya frowns, opening his open beer with a hiss through his teeth. 

You lean to the side, bumping your shoulder against Kei’s. 

“Who’re Daichi, Suga, and Asahi?” You ask softly. 

“You’ve never met?” Kei furrows his eyebrows and you shrug. 

“Maybe, but if I have it was only once or twice.” 

“They’re friends from our volleyball team in highschool, but they’re two years older.” 

“Okay, so one year older than me?” 

Kei blinks a few times. “You’re a year older than me?” 

“Yeah?” You laugh a little like it’s obvious. 

“But aren’t you a fourth year?” He furrows his eyebrows. 

“I took a year off before starting college,” you shrug your shoulders. “Thought that I had to get my sillies out.” 

“Your sillies?” Kei laughs a little. 

“Yeah,” you smile, “and I had to save up some money. It makes the world go ‘round, you know?” 

“What are you guys whispering about?” Tadashi gives Kei a wry grin over the top of his beer can. 

It’s only then that Kei realizes the way you both are leaning into each other. He’s tilting his head down to hear you better and you’re leaning forward. It gives off the impression of two people conspiring, of closeness that Kei hadn’t even realized had crept up on him. 

“I was asking who Daichi, Suga, and Asahi are,” you shrug off the moment, leaning back in the chair. 

This prompts a chorus of disbelief, everyone jumping in to describe them to you. Kei takes it as a moment to breathe, inhaling and exhaling. He can feel your thigh against his, just barely there and bleeding warmth through the fabric of his jeans. 

They delve into stories about nationals, little details that Kei had forgotten a long time ago. Every now and then, someone will bring up Kei’s more-than-sour personality and he will feel the need to hide the embarrassment on his cheeks. Even though you know about it, it’s still mortifying for Kei to hear. He wants you to see the best in him, but any hopes he had of you forgetting are quickly washed away as someone brings up Kei’s relentless prodding of Kageyama’s easily pushed buttons. 

You laugh along with them like you were there, amused to hear stories about your college friends in their high school years. Kei finds himself thinking that you fit very well into this scene. 

Still though, despite the fun he’s having, Kei’s battery begins to run out quickly and after a long game of cards, he gets up to take a quick break in the kitchen. It’s not that he wants the night to end, but rather that he just needs a minute to himself and uses the idea of more snacks as an excuse for it. 

He reaches into a cabinet, pulling out a half-finished bag of chips and setting them on the counter. They’re clipped with a bright red chip-clip from the grocery store and Kei thinks that because of that, they shouldn’t have gone stale yet. If it were the peak of summer, Kei might think twice, but this time of year, they should be fine.

Then, he bends down to get a large white mixing bowl from a lower cabinet. Their plates and bowls are kept in various different cabinets, though the only reason they stay somewhat organized is because of Kei. 

“Done already?” You lean your hip against the counter. 

“With what?” Kei struggles to keep his eyes from following the line of your body. 

“Hanging out,” you smile lightly. 

“Not really,” he says. “Just needed a minute and decided to get more snacks.” 

“Wanna go sit outside for a bit then?” 

Kei glances into the living room where the group chatters away. He’d hate to be stopped on the way. 

“Relax,” you laugh. “They’re so caught up they won’t even notice that we’re gone.” 

Kei furrows his eyebrows and then shrugs, swallowing his heart down with the spit that has pooled in his mouth. He follows you out of the front door, shutting it with a quiet click and heading down the steps of the complex and to the concrete wall lining the shrubbery outside. It’s the same place you’d come back to talk to him at all those weeks ago, though he is in considerably better spirits than he was then. 

It’s a cool night, the gentle heat of the day completely burned off to make way for a crisp breeze. He inhales, wishing that he had brought a drink to fiddle with and sip on to distract him from his nerves. 

You sit beside him, leaning back on your palms with your legs outstretched in front of you. Your hand is only a few inches from his and Kei sucks in a breath when he accidentally touches it while he gets comfortable. You only offer him a little smile in response. 

“Sorry again about bringing the troops here,” you speak first. 

“That’s really okay,” he says. “Contrary to popular belief, I actually really like them.” 

You snort. “I hope so.” 

Kei inhales louder than he intends to and when you look at him like he’s going to say something, he just holds his breath and shakes his head. The air only leaves him when you finally look away. 

“Kind of a bummer though,” you start, “I was kinda excited about just hanging out with you.” 

Kei’s breath catches in his throat. He swallows to move the metaphorical blockage. 

“We hang out all the time though,” he says like it’s enough. Of course it’s not enough. 

“Guess so,” you smile a little, though Kei can hear the distinct turn of disappointment in your voice. 

“You know,” he starts, already embarrassed at what he’s going to admit. “I wanted to be your friend for a while.” 

“Oh yeah?” you smile, opening up again and turning towards him. “Why?” 

Kei shrugs, resisting the urge to shut down completely. It’s embarrassing admitting to someone that you wanted to know them before you actually knew them. 

“You kind of reminded me of Tadashi,” he says. “And you both got along so well.” 

“Tadashi? I’m nothing like Tadashi,” you laugh, shaking your head. 

“What? No, you two are so similar,” Kei insists, lacing his fingers together. 

“What about us is so similar?” 

“Well, you’re both sociable and warm and…” Kei trails off. He can’t really think of anything else. You look at him with an expectant look in your eyes. 

“See?” 

Kei realizes that the two of you are not similar at all. Your warmth is where the similarity stops. He’d been likening you to Tadashi this entire time, not because the two of you are similar, but because you make him feel similar to the way Tadashi does. Safe and comfortable, though with the added addition of deeply awkward. He realizes that without the safety net of you being like Tadashi, he’s never had any ability to deny his feelings and with that they rage full force around the corner and slam into his chest like a heavy blow. 

“We’re nothing like each other,” you laugh and lean back against your palms. “Though, it would be cool to be like Tadashi.” 

Kei experiences the sudden realization that he doesn’t want you to be like Tadashi. Kei wants you to be like him. He wants you to be greedy and want him the same way he wants you. He wants you to be able to keep up with his turns and his moods, something he didn’t realize he wanted in the first place. If you’re like Kei, then Kei doesn’t have to be afraid of showing you the worst. You’ll have already seen it. If you’re like Kei and he loves you, then what is stopping you from loving him? 

“Even if you’re not like Tadashi, that’s fine.” His cheeks burn. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I like you all the same,” he admits quietly. 

“The same? As Tadashi?” You purse your lips a little. “I thought I was a little different. Was I wrong?” 

Kei wants to kiss you. Kei wants to kiss you so badly that his mouth has gone dry and his lips feel like they’ve separated from his body. Anything he’d thought about not wanting anything with you flies out of the window with your proximity. You’re so close to him. Close enough that if he leaned a little to the right, his shoulder would be against yours. You’re so close and you’re looking at him like you’re waiting for something, implying that somehow you’re different from Tadashi. Implying that you want him to like you differently than the way he likes his platonic friend. 

“No, you’re different,” he says, taking the bait you’ve laid in front of him. His heart pounds and he can’t look at you. He thinks he’ll kiss you if he does. 

“Am I?” 

Kei can hear the smile in your voice. It makes what you’re saying sound honeyed and curved. 

“Yeah, you are.”

“How so?” 

Kei finally raises his head to look at you. You’re grinning, leaning towards him like you’re watching a show. He feels the way his nerves rise into his throat, pressing against the very back of his tongue. He doesn’t know how to answer or what to say. Well, he does know what to say, he just doesn’t think he can. Kei is good at thinking about emotions, but when it comes time to speak them outloud, it seems that he’s still got a padlock around his throat. So he does what any logical person would do. 

Kei leans forward, pushing against his screaming nerves and trying to ignore the tremble in his hands, and kisses you. It’s awkward and his teeth click against yours before his lips fully settle against your mouth. He feels the breath you draw in, like surprise and relief mixed together, and he finds that he does the same. 

He can see the way your eyes flutter closed through his barely open ones and he realizes that your lips are so warm. He screws his eyes shut when you dip your head forward to move your lips against his. Yours are so warm and soft, like satin. A kiss has never felt like this to Kei before and he finds that he wants to catalog every single one of your reactions. Maybe that’s what he could write in the notebook. Maybe he could write down every single thing that you do that leaves him winded and wanting more. 

Neither of you reach for the other, but he can feel the knuckle of your pinky against his as you slowly kiss each other, tilting your heads side to side. There’s hunger within him, the need to take more than what he’s receiving and a greed he isn’t quite familiar with, but there’s also romance. It’s like a spell that’s yet to be broken, fed by the click of your mouths as they move together. Kei sighs, flooded with the relief of this kind of physical affection, of being honest with himself at how much he likes it. Kei loves the feel of your mouth. He loves the way your lips and tongue feel and he loves that they’re all that he can feel right now. 

The kiss lasts longer than Kei thought it would and by the time he pulls away, you’re both steadily panting and attempting to keep your breathing even. He wants to do it again. He wants it so badly that it makes his chest swell. He wants to do that with you forever, but he swallows down the desire. It’s a temporary fix, but it’s enough for him to choke out what it is he wants to say next. 

“I think I’m in really hot water,” he squeaks. 

“What do you mean?” You breathe out, the playfulness from a few moments earlier long behind you. 

“I think I want you way more than I thought I did,” he admits quietly, the first out loud admittance of his feelings to you. 

You smile a little before speaking. “I think it’s only hot water if the other person doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Your face is still so close to his. “Yeah?” 

It comes out a bit desperate, like he needs reassurance. Kei does. He’s so afraid that he thinks he could die. Afraid of the spell breaking, afraid of losing whatever moment this is and being forced to return to his one-sided pining, afraid that you don’t feel the same way.

Your face moves closer to him, breath trembling lightly. “Yeah.” 

You kiss him again, pressing your lips against his lightly before parting them. He’s so overwhelmed and so immediately lost in it. Kei feels the way your tongue teases the inside of his mouth and it makes him feel like a teenager again, swelling with desires and emotions that he can’t name. You move your hand over his, placing it lightly on top of his, and he reacts by lacing your fingers together and pushing forward more. 

Kei wants to touch you so badly, to reach up and hold your face, to touch your waist and your legs and your chest. He wants to do it all, to feel you right here under the cover of night, but he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses you and stews in the desire, letting it swell in his chest as he listens to the clicking of your mouths. You kiss him so slowly, moving your mouth at a languid pace. It drives him crazy. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of this.

“We should go back inside, I think,” you break away, your bottom lip shiny with a sheen of spit. “The others might think something’s up and Tanaka isn’t exactly good with discretion.”

Kei automatically reaches up to swipe it with his thumb. He doesn’t know where this affection comes from, where the possessive action found its origins, but he finds that he likes the way it feels to be able to do it in the first place. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kei responds, though he would have been happy to continue sitting out here with you, kissing you silly. 

You stand first, dusting off the back of your legs and waiting for Kei to follow suit. When he does, you reach quickly for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before walking in front of him. 

Kei is not sure how he should act when he goes inside. He’s tense all over, desperate to pick up where the two of you left off, and unsure if his face betrays that thought. 

“Where’d you guys go?” Tadashi asks as Kei closes the door behind him. 

In the time you’d both been gone, the living room has been transformed into something nearly unrecognizable. Empty beer cans are strewn about the tables and the blankets and pillows from the couches are now haphazardly laying around beside the couch or over people’s bodies. Then again, maybe the room always looked like this and he was just too busy thinking about how close you were to him. 

Kei doesn’t know what to say. Why had they gone outside in the first place? He’s not even sure that he remembers. 

“I wanted a cigarette and I made Kei come with me,” you answer evenly. “Why? You jealous?” 

“Of inhaling second-hand smoke? No, thanks.” Tadashi laughs, but he tosses Kei a sideways glance. Tadashi knows him well enough to know that Kei wouldn’t voluntarily stand outside with a smoker unless he was particularly fond of them. 

“Aw, man, I thought you quit?” Hinata pipes up, tilting his head. 

“I did, hot stuff,” you respond, sitting down on the couch. “Don’t worry. I won’t smoke anymore.” 

Hinata huffs and Kei takes the opportunity to sit down next to you. 

His thigh is pressed against yours, warmth seeping through his pants and into his skin. Kei feels like he could explode. You’re so close to him again, closer than before, and he can’t stop replaying the kiss in his head. He’s desperate for it, fidgety with his desire. He keeps thinking about the hot press of your mouth and the languid motion of your tongue. All he can imagine is the few points of contact between you both, mouth and hands, and how badly he wanted it to be more. He needs it. 

You touch him a few times throughout the night and the tension is so palpable that Kei is convinced he can see it. It’s like there is a rope pulled taut between the two of you. If he doesn’t stick his ground, he’ll go flying towards you, grabbing and touching and taking in the way he’s desperate to now. 

After an hour, his friends begin to grow restless. Their faces are flushed with alcohol and the things they’d been amusing themselves with are no longer enough stimulation. 

“Hey, we’re going out to the bars. Who’s coming?” Hinata speaks up. 

A chorus of agreement rings out, but the last thing Kei wants to do is go out.

“I think I’ll probably stay back and start cleaning,” he says somewhat disdainfully. “It’s a mess in here,” Kei tosses you a small glance. It’s unintentional but he’s glad for it because Kei is hoping that you’ll stay back with him, that you both can pick up where you left off. 

“I’ll stay and help too. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow anyway,” you smile and Hinata pouts. 

“You guys are so boring,” he protests. “Leave the mess for tomorrow and come out with us.” 

“I’ll pass, pipsqueak,” Kei scoffs. 

“Fine, but don’t complain to me when you’re full of regret tomorrow,” he points a finger at Kei and then moves it over to you. “And you’re too nice for your own good.” 

“Do you hear that?” You say, beginning to usher the group to the door. “I think it’s the sound of the bar and all that alcohol calling to you guys.” 

“You guys are so full of shit-” Kageyama starts, speaking up for the first time in a while, but Kei just waves him out. 

“Yeah yeah, let the grown ups clean while you guys have fun. We’ll see you tomorrow.” 

The rope is so taut between you both that it’s unbearable and by the time the door closes, you are spinning around on your heel toward Kei. 

“We’re not cleaning, right?” 

Kei shakes his head and starts towards you. The tension breaks when his hands find your hips and he hungrily leans down to press his mouth against yours. 

This kiss is different from the first, desperate and full of desire. It’s fast and your mouths move together quickly as he starts to walk you back towards his bedroom, his hands eagerly roaming up and down your hips. Vaguely, he acknowledges that his glasses have been moved out of place, but he pays it no mind as you turn the knob to his bedroom door with your back to it. 

There’s an urgency to his movements. Kei feels it in his chest, this desperate desire to be closer, to consume everything that you’ve laid out in the palm of his hand. You stumble backwards into his room and Kei catches your shifted weight with a hand around your waist. His other hand comes up to cup your cheek, feeling the warm skin on your jaw and neck. His fingers tremble where they touch you, half out of desperate need and half out of the nerves that threaten to spill from his mouth. His lips though, are occupied with yours, clicking together, all tongue and teeth. 

Kei kisses sloppily down your jaw, his lips smearing across your cheek and dipping down below your ear. He sucks a trail there, unsure if he’s leaving marks, all the way down to your collarbone. Every part of you tastes better than he’d expected it to and with every push he delivers, you pull. 

You make small sounds, little pants and groans that make Kei’s hair stand on end with wanting. Your voice, so familiar and fond to him, spills out in small, breath-like bursts that make Kei want to coax more out of you. Kei’s never been one to want this way, but right now, it’s all that he feels. So much tension and impulse that he feels like he can hardly control himself. 

You reach blindly behind you for the bed and Kei guides you down, placing his hand on one side of you as you sit. Then, without disconnecting your lips, he guides you up toward the wall. 

He feels the cool tips of your fingers at the hem of his shirt, pulling downward and then upward to get him to take it off. Kei obliges you, leaning back on his knees and pulling it off over the top of his head. You eye him for a moment, the two of you slowing down enough as the urgency settles into something heavy and lingering. 

Kei leans forward again, one of his hands reaching for your hip. He slips his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, sliding his long fingers up your stomach as he kisses you again. You’re so soft and he can feel the way your chest heaves against his palm. His touch is feather light and he slides it up evenly until it reaches just below your breast. When you nod, Kei moves it up over your bra and he feels you shudder. Kei does the same, overwhelmed by your pliability. 

He can feel the goosebumps that have raised on your skin, little pinpricks of skin that indicate that some part of you feels good. When Kei squeezes your breast, you gasp into his moan and he groans his response, letting you bite at his bottom lip. 

He feels you suck at his lips and swipe your tongue along the ridge of his mouth. When he opens it to let you in, he’s overtaken by the warmth of the soft muscle. He groans, tilting his head down to kiss you deeper, letting the taste of you spread over his mouth. It’s hot and your breath fans across his face. 

Kei hands drift from your breasts along the sides of your body. He feels the heave of your breath there against your warm skin, his palms resting on your waist. You raise your knees, the sides of them pressing against Kei’s hips. He shifts downwards slowly, dragging his mouth along your skin, past the cloth of your shirt. 

His hands make their way from your waist to your hips as he dips lower. Kei takes off his glasses, already fogged up and in the way. When he meets your eyes, you nod your permission and Kei slips between your legs, his flat palms moving to spread your thighs. 

You’re so warm and soft, so pliable in a way that Kei can’t articulate. It makes his mouth water with his desperation and he’s grown hard against the bedspread beneath him. 

“Touch me,” you breathe out. 

Kei nods into your stomach, looping his fingers around our waistband, and pulls down your pants. Your panties come with it and it’s with a slight wave of regret that he realizes he won’t get to see the way you stick to them. 

When he sees you, his heart leaps into his throat. His eagerness and his nerves catch up to him and he lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. You shudder when the air hits your exposed cunt, an unintentional side effect of Kei’s nerves that has him grinding down against the bedspread. 

He slides his palm to rest over your center. It’s warm and sticky, wet beyond what Kei had imagined and he gingerly presses a finger between your folds. You gasp, mouth falling open above him. Then, he slides his finger into you to the first knuckle, curling up. Kei goes deeper on the second pump, curling his whole finger inside of you and feeling the way you tighten around him. 

You arch your back up off the bed and Kei groans and rolls his eyes, resting his head on the inside of your exposed thigh. He curls his fingers in you, watching the way they coat with your pleasure. His eyebrows are knit together, like he’s asking whether you like how he touches you or not, and you seem to pick up on his insecurity, nodding your head before letting it tip back against Kei’s pillows. 

Kei thinks your expression is incredible. Your eyebrows pull up in the center, pretty face twisted and mouth slightly open in an expression of undeniable pleasure. Kei’s stomach winds at the look of it and he ruts his hips against the mattress to quell the growing ache of need. His fingers, which curl at a slow and even pace inside of you, are warm with your enjoyment. It leaks between his knuckles, sliding down the back of his hand like a slow moving syrup. He wonders whether you have more to give and how you taste, his gaze slinking from your face to the place just above where his fingers disappear. 

He lowers his mouth to you without thinking, curious and needing the taste of it. Sure enough, you have more to give. Your voice comes quickly, a small gasp that is stifled by the back of your hand when he sucks sharply on your clit. Your hips push forward against his hands and then you arch up off the mattress with a small cry. Kei wonders if you’ve cum. He wonders if he’s sent you over the edge, but if he has, you’re taking all of it so well that he doesn’t dare stop. 

The taste of you spreads on his tongue, tangy and warm. You invade his senses violently, like you are gripping his throat. Kei holds his mouth to you, pressing the length of his cock into the mattress and moving his hips like he plans to fuck it. 

He moves his free hand down your thigh and onto the inside of your leg. Your skin is so soft. It’s so vulnerable, something easily pierced and bled. Kei’s pointer finger rubs gentle circles there, feeling the slight pull of the soft skin with his fingers, so thin that it almost feels like tissue paper. He’s sure that with a little pressure, you would bruise. 

The thought surprises him. He works his tongue across your clit and his fingers against that gummy spot inside of you, but his mind drifts to the softness of your inner thigh, the way it would be so easy to leave a spot that might hurt later when you press on it, remind you of exactly where he was. Then, Kei pinches you on the inside of your thigh and when you cry out, tightening around his fingers with a tapered moan, he pinches you again, harder this time. 

You whimper slightly, like you like it. No, you sound like you love it and Kei finds himself holding back a choked moan as he tries not to cum prematurely. He pinches along the inside of your legs and around the back. Not too much. Only when he feels like it. Only when he wants to hear what kind of sounds you’ll make. 

“K-Kei wait, wait,” you pant, grabbing him by his tufts of blonde hair. It hurts. He doesn’t think you mean to hurt him, but it doesn’t matter. He likes it and he twitches in his pants. 

“Huh?” He hums, detaching from your clit and slowing the movement of his fingers to a halt. Your legs shake around his handiwork. “You okay?” 

“I’ll cum if you keep going like that,” you breathe, screwing your eyes shut like you’re still on the edge. “Drag it out for me, yeah?” 

Kei furrows his eyebrows and sucks in a sharp breath.

“Cum if you want to.” He tilts his head down to reattach his lips. 

“Not yet,” you tug at his hair. “I like chasing it.” 

Kei stares at you, unblinking and awestruck. Your chest heaves and despite the pleasure on your face, you look uncomfortable as your orgasm slips away from you. Kei likes that look on your face and he finds himself growing greedy. 

“Come here,” you coax him onto the mattress. 

Kei watches as you slip your hands into the waistband of his jeans and pull them down, leaving him on his back with his tented boxers exposed. You crawl down his body and settle between his legs with your arms between his thighs. He shudders when you run your hands up them and he briefly sees his boxers jump. 

You smile, pressing your mouth to him through his boxers. Kei can’t stifle the groan that escapes him and heat floods his face when you raise your eyebrows in response. 

“You don’t have to,” he says through gritted teeth as you slip the waistband of his boxers down. 

“But I want to,” you mumble, taking him in your hand and placing a kiss on the side of his dick. 

Kei’s head falls back against the pillow and he swears under his breath when he feels the warmth of your mouth close around the tip of him. He jerks his head up to see, awestruck by the way your lips look around the head of his cock. 

For some reason, Kei is already so sensitive. He feels everything, and when you swipe the tip of your tongue along his slit as you bob your head, he makes a noise he didn’t think he could make. His fingers knot themselves in the bed sheets, white knuckled and trembling while you bob your head over him. 

Your mouth is so warm and wet. It’s a little messy, dripping down the length of him and onto his balls. Kei feels the warmth, the heat of you. He can still taste you on his tongue. Kei can still feel the stickiness left behind from your arousal on his mouth. The combination of you between his legs and the taste of you on his tongue is overwhelming. 

Kei can feel his orgasm growing in his lower stomach, turning over until he’s bringing his long fingers to your head in an effort to steady himself. There’s nothing he can do but give in, watching you through damp eyes as you watch his expression. 

It’s embarrassing how quickly he cums. It doesn’t take long and he teeters on the edge for a few moments before fully cresting over. Kei can’t help the way he lifts his hips from the mattress, his voice caught in his throat as it hooks on a high pitched groan. His voice cracks and he feels the way his cum collects on your tongue and across the tip of his dick in your mouth. 

“Fuck,” he mutters, red faced and panting, “I didn’t mean to- I didn’t mean to finish so quickly, you’re just-” 

“It’s fine,” you come up, your eyes glassed over and lust-filled. “I like making you feel good.” 

“Yeah but-” 

“No buts,” you crawl over him and straddle his waist. Kei winces when your weight briefly nudges his cock. “There’s still fun to be had. Can I kiss you?” 

He nods and you lean down to do as you’d asked. Your tongue moves slowly against his, less desperate this time, like you’re trying to work him down and back up again. You place your hands on his chest, settling your weight down so that your bare cunt is pressed against his sensitive cock. Kei thinks he might die. 

He brings his hands to your waist, the fatigue creeping from his bones as he digs the pads of his fingers into your fleshy sides. You draw in a breath when he does and it makes Kein feel like he’s tipping sideways with arousal. Everything that you do, right down to the involuntary twitch of your hips or eyebrows, is sexy. 

Kei turns you over, growing hard between your legs again, and gently pins you to the mattress. He kisses you for a moment longer, his lips working clumsily across yours before he pulls away to catch his breath and find his bearings. 

You chase him with your mouth, tilting your head up to kiss him. Kei feels his chest swell with arousal and his cock strains almost painfully against his pants as he peers at you. You’re so pretty. Everything about you is so pretty. On his chest, he can feel your fingers, splayed over his pecks, across his collarbone, and grazing the side of his neck. He leans closer, loving the pressure of your body and the desperation that pours from your skin. 

Kei kisses you again. He kisses you the way he wanted to outside, dipping his tongue into your mouth with a desperation that he can taste. You take control back, reaching between the two of you, and Kei shifts himself upward instinctually to give you access to him. He feels your fingers fumble for him and there’s a pause in which Kei doesn’t know what to do. He wonders if this might be the part of him that you like. The awkward part, the one that doesn’t know what to do. Kei’s thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of your hand wrapping around him and tugging upward. 

His head drops and a low groan escapes his lips before he can even think to stop it. Kei’d almost forgotten his sensitivity, how desperately he wants to be touched, how overwhelming it feels. He shivers, looking down at where your hand wraps around him and pumps. When he looks back up, he finds that you’re looking at his face, your eyes glassed over and observant as you commit all of his expressions to memory. 

“What?” he says, letting out a shuddering breath and the slight overstimulation. 

“Your face is red,” you reach up with your free hand to run your thumb along his cheek. 

Kei huffs, dropping his head and you fiddle with something between the two of you.

“No,” you pick his chin up. “I like it. It’s cute.” 

You tighten your grip around him and Kei feels his expression twist, a new rush of heat and desire flooding his belly as he realizes you’re sliding a condom onto him. Then, you guide the tip of him between your legs and he feels the wet press of your entrance against him. 

“Christ,” he groans. 

You smile slightly, shifting your hips a little and then placing your hands on his shoulders. Kei pushes forward slowly, his thighs twitching. It takes everything he has to keep from cumming again and every muscle in his body screams with a desire to let go. 

Kei is so overwhelmed, partially because you feel so good, but also because there is some part of him that knows this feels different. Kei feels different about you, about being intimate with you, than he has with anyone else. There’s something alive in him, something with its own mind. Something greedy and vulnerable that stirs when your face is this close to him, when he’s buried all the way in you to the base of his cock. Emotional and sensitive, Kei feels it kick. 

His first instinct is to run. Agreeing to let himself like you, to let himself do something about it, was not agreeing to letting something live inside of him. Kei’s first thought when he registers the difference is to cut it off and suffocate it so that it stops thumping against his chest. He’d grown so used to the hollow feeling that the feeling of living emotion makes him nervous, it puts him on edge. But when he pulls out a few inches and fucks back into you, the anxiety dispels into insurmountable pleasure. A pleasure Kei can’t describe, something fulfilling and whole. 

He picks up his pace, letting himself do what he wants while you grip his shoulders with blunted nails. He likes the expression you wear. Truthfully, he likes all of your expressions, but this one is new. Pressure and pleasure, a newness to the feel of him inside of you that you can’t quite keep from your eyes or lips. He kisses you as if he could taste it, slipping his tongue between your lips. 

“I really like you,” you mumble against his mouth, breath hot as it fans across his cheeks. 

Kei’s heart hammers and his hips stutter a little. 

“Me too,” he chokes, trying to think about volleyball to stave off a second orgasm. All that comes to mind though, is you. 

“Are you close again?” you breathe, voice laden with pleasure. 

“I have been since we started,” Kei admits. 

“Cum then,” you say softly, reaching behind his head to pull his mouth back to yours. Kei likes the control you exhibit. He groans his approval.

“You first,” he mutters.

There’s this possessive part of Kei that wants to watch you fall apart on him. He wants to see it, to watch you feel good too and commit it to memory so that he can always keep it. He thinks it’s a pride thing, something attached to his desire to succeed, to his reliability. Maybe though, it’s just because he thinks it’ll look hot. 

He reaches down and lifts one of your legs up by the back of your knee, pressing it down to give himself better access. You whine and Kei feels the way you clench down around him, your fingers knitting into the hair at the back of his neck. It hurts in a good way. 

Kei slips his hand between you, rubbing circles on your clit to get you there faster. Frankly, he doesn’t know how much longer he can last like this, staring down at your face while it twists with pleasure. You’re so attractive to him. Everything about you is sexy. It makes Kei a little crazy. 

He listens as your breathing quickens, as your voice wavers further. He feels the way your cunt begins to flutter faster, pulsing around him until you attempt to cry out and warn him. Then, you clamp down around him, arching your hips up off the mattress and pulling at his hair. Kei moves his head with you, relishing in the way you tug and scratch. 

He builds up to his orgasm so fast that it hurts. There’s pressure and then the mounting feeling of nearing the top, and then the peak and crash. He cums so hard that it hurts, pushing his cock as far as it will go into you and feeling the warm spill of his cum in the condom. He moans a long, drawn out sound that you mimic, his fingers knitting into the pillow behind you and his head dropping so that his lips sit near your neck.

He lets out a shaky breath, letting himself sit inside of you for a moment. You turn his head towards yours and kiss him. It’s gentle. A smooth and languid kiss that neither of you moves to deepen. Your lips move against each other and Kei closes his eyes to savor the taste. 

You tap his shoulder and Kei rolls over onto the bed beside you, snapping the condom off with a small wince and tying it up in a quick motion. He places it in the trash bin beside the bed. When he turns over, you’re already moving to slip under his arm, resting your head on his chest. 

There’s a passing moment of silence, not unlike the ones you both have fallen into before and you sigh lightly against his exposed chest. Kei follows suit, watching the way you move with his breath. 

His skin is sticky against yours and Kei can vaguely register the smell of sweat in the room. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since everyone left, nor does he know when they’ll be back, but he estimates that it won’t be more than an hour. Kei briefly wishes that he could pause time so that he can stay here with you, just like this. 

“I’m not good at this kind of stuff,” Kei admits quietly. 

“What stuff?” You ask, tracing your finger along the ridges of his lean abdomen. 

“Liking people,” he says. “Dating.” 

You give a small laugh. “No offense, Kei, but I could tell that from the moment I met you.” 

“Shit, seriously?” 

“Duh,” you breathe out. “It’s a little charming to me, though. I like that part of you.” 

So it’s true. You like the parts of Kei that he’s always worried were the worst of him. 

“Huh,” he says. “Could you tell?” 

“That you like me?” You ask, shifting your head to look at him. “Yeah, it was obvious after we established that you didn’t hate me. I always noticed you staring in the library.” 

“Really? I thought I was being a little slick with that,” Kei feels heat and color flood his face. 

You let out a good-natured laugh. “People can always tell when someone’s staring, Kei. It’s like a sixth sense.” 

“Good to know. Hindsight is 20/20 and all.” 

Another bout of silence follows. 

“You can keep staring though,” you say, “if you want to. And calling.”

“Okay,” Kei responds, “I didn’t really plan on stopping.” 

“Ha, freaky,” you laugh a little and Kei reaches up to flick the side of your head. “Wanna start going out?” 

Kei thinks about this for a moment. He thinks about being able to hold your hand, brush hair out of your face, watch movies on the couch and fix your breakfast the next morning. Then he thinks about not being able to do those things. 

“I think I’d be a little upset if we didn’t,” he admits. 

“Good,” you say. “Me too.” 

He’s fighting off sleep. His eyelids are heavy and he tries to blink away the shroud of rest that’s falling over him. Kei knows you’re fighting it too. Your breathing goes in and out of that familiar breathing that comes with sleep. Kei likes the way it sounds coming from you, restful and quiet. 

“We should… really get up to clean just a little,” he mumbles. 

“Five more minutes,” you say softly, your voice heavy and laden with drowsiness. 

“Okay,” he says. 

It’s just five more minutes. Kei fights sleep to hear you breathe like this a little longer. 

—

There’s a period after which Kei doesn’t know what to do with himself. Like the awkward start to a new hobby or passion, Kei finds himself enthralled with his budding relationship while simultaneously stumbling continuously along the way. You’re gracious with him though, letting him make mistakes and fumble until he finds his footing. 

It’s all very awkward for him, very new. He finds that it’s easier to just do the nice things he wants to do for you than to agonize over it and slowly, he begins to grow comfortable in the relationship that took you both so long to begin. 

At first, only Tadashi knew about you both. Kei thought that there was no point in hiding it from him, since you were over at the apartment all the time. Of course, Tadashi somehow already knew. That’s how it usually goes anyway, and Kei is relieved to find that his internal change did not trigger some global shift that would turn his life upside down. Everything is normal, save for the fact that Kei now tries to love without hindrance. 

Kei discovers that he’s possessive. That’s a new trait of his that he didn’t know belonged to him. Before you, before Kei had found something he so desperately wanted to keep, he’d been rather detached. Possessiveness was rare because Kei hardly ever got attached enough to want. Now though, he wants so badly that it hurts. You lean into it. Kei suspects that you like it when he wards off people who hit on you, when he pouts a little because he wants to be close to you, when he gets a little jealous. Kei doesn’t really mind it either. After all, despite his possessiveness, he never feels insecure. The both of you make sure of that. 

This sunny period with you, the one Kei worried would only last a week, drifts easily from one month into two and before he knows it, it’s been five. Kei had worried about that fundamental change. The one imperceivable to the human eye. He’d worried that slowly, it would begin to spoil what is so good between the two of you. 

“Kei,” you snap him out of it, placing a hand on his shoulder, “you okay?” 

He sets down his cup of tea, barely touched. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?” You give him a wry smile. “This was your idea, after all.” 

“Yeah, well it was a pretty shit idea actually,” he breathes, “My parents aren’t exactly easy.” 

“You want to cancel?” You ask, your eyebrows pulling up in a clumsy attempt to hide your disappointment. Kei can see right through it.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I want you to meet them. I just don’t want you to meet them.” 

The truth of it is that Kei would like to cancel. In an ideal world, one where the sun rises on the opposite side of his bedroom window, he’d forget the whole thing and take you out to get dinner and see a movie. Things would be simpler that way, less uncomfortable for the both of you. But as uncomfortable as it is, Kei wants you to be a part of their lives too. You’re too important to not introduce to his parents and Kei can’t see it any other way, though he’d like to. 

You snort. “What does that even mean?” 

Kei gives you a pointed and somewhat irritated look. 

“Okay, sorry,” you raise your hands defensively and walk over to place them on his shoulders. “I know you’re worried, but I think it’s going to be okay. I’m excited.” 

Kei huffs out a laugh, unable to vocalize his nerves in their totality. “Excited to meet my dysfunctional, divorced parents that kind of hate each other?” 

“Yup. I’m excited to meet the people who raised you.” 

Kei smiles a little. “You should meet Akiteru, then,” It’s an exaggeration, but for some reason the prospect of seeing both of his parents together has him feeling a little more bitter than usual, even if it was his idea. 

You give him a little grin through narrowed eyes. There’s an understanding that passes from you to him, like you’re acknowledging that you haven’t forgotten what he’d told you nearly six months ago. Kei feels the tension in his shoulders relax a little. 

His parents are already at the restaurant when he arrives. It’s a swanky Italian place. The kind you go to on birthdays or for anniversaries, where the pasta dishes are things like lobster mushroom ravioli or truffle oil fettucini in tiny portions. Kei made sure to book somewhere that his parents would have trouble making a scene in, not that they ever had much of a mind for decorum when they were married. He’s surprised to find them chatting cordially when you both arrive. 

“Kei,” his mother stands from the table and crosses to give him a hug. He pats her back gently.

“Hi Mom,” Kei responds and she gives him a small smile. 

Kei’s dad adjusts the lapel of his suit, the same one he’s had for years, and reaches to give him a hug around one shoulder. 

“Guys,” he inhales, “This is my partner, _____.” 

You grin at Kei and then introduce yourself formally to his parents. Kei watches in awe as you blend right in, like you’ve known them for many years. He sits down while trying to keep the nerves from his face. 

“We’re so happy to meet you,” his mother starts, “Kei’s never introduced us to any of his partners before.” 

“I’m the first?” You smile a little, raising an eyebrow at Kei as if to tease him. 

“There really haven’t been that many to begin with,” Kei grumbles as if that somehow makes it better. 

You laugh again and the ball of conversation begins rolling. His mother tells you how pretty you are and his father nods a quieter approval. They talk about his university’s graduation ceremony, which they attended separately, as if they were together the entire time and then ask about your major, if you graduated with him, where you plan on going. You tell them what you want to do and that you want to go wherever Kei goes. He marvels at how smoothly the evening moves onward.

There are moments where the tension in his family becomes obvious. Little swells or comments that bring up a sour or shameful memory that cannot be ignored. Moments when the air thickens and it feels like the hammer is about to come down. It never does though. The tension, rather than snapping, simply fades away. 

He’d expected everything to blow up for some reason. Kei had expected that, like his childhood, the restaurant dishes would end up smashed on the floor. The glassware always ended up broken in the house, why shouldn’t they be broken here to shatter the illusion of things being good? He braces himself for a ball that never drops.

It takes him until the ride home, after a successful dinner, to realize that the dishes haven’t been smashed in years. Not since he was fourteen and his parents fought for custody. Not since his mother got remarried to her now husband almost 6 years ago and his father met his new wife. Kei wonders why he still feels like he lives in that house. The one his parents were at their worst in. Why can’t he feel like he lives in the apartment he rents with Tadashi? 

“I think that went well,” you say softly on the drive back. 

Kei nods his agreement. “I think so too.” 

You don’t bring up the fact that they didn’t fight, or that they spoke about their new kids with each other as if they were old friends. You don’t accuse Kei of being wrong, of being paranoid even though he most definitely was. 

“I’m glad that I got to meet them,” you say. “You look so much like your mom.” 

“Really?” Kei asks. 

“Yeah, you’ve got her eyes and her nose,” you smile a little. “It makes you two look similar.” 

“Huh,” he says. “I never really gave that much thought.” 

Kei turns the idea that he has his mother’s face over in his head. He’d spent so much time dreading that he was like them on the inside, that he never paused to consider the outside. So much of his life has been spent worrying that he’s just like them. That he breaks the plates and lashes out and acts cruelly even when he’s trying to love. But he has his mother’s eyes and for some reason that unsettles him. It’s like evidence. 

“You don’t really act like them though,” you say as if on cue. “You’re a little gentler.” 

“Me? Gentle?” Kei scoffs. 

“Yeah!” you say. “I mean, sure you’re prickly, but there’s a goodness to you that’s really obvious if you look.” 

Goodness. What a strange word to use to describe someone. Kei thinks that if there’s any goodness in him, if there’s anything that hasn’t been tainted by his parents’ sour personalities, it’s from Akiteru. Kei likes to believe that whatever good he got was from him. No matter how strained his relationship with him might be now, Kei is certain of that. 

“That’s a relief,” he admits in a flat tone. 

After a long pause, he speaks again. “Thanks.” 

“For what?” You laugh. 

“Bearing with me… and with them,” he says. “Couldn’t have been easy.” 

“It was easy,” you say. “Because I wanted to meet them. And I care about you.” 

Kei feels color rise to his cheeks. He turns to look in the sideview mirrors as he pulls the car into a parking spot in his apartment complex’s garage. 

“You say that stuff so easily,” he huffs. 

“What? That I care about you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I do,” you laugh a little.

Kei’s face grows hotter and he distracts himself by putting the car into park and taking the key out of the ignition. 

“Me too,” he says quietly, waiting for you to catch up so that he can take your hand in his. “Sorry that I don’t say it a lot.” 

“Not to be rude,” you say, “but even if you never said it at all, it would be obvious. You’re kind of a sucker.” 

Kei supposes that that’s true and he gives a small laugh before nudging your shoulder with his. The parking garage is humid and stuffy, but he holds your hand in it anyway. 

—

You’re half asleep in bed beside him and your breathing comes in even sweeps the way it does just before you fall asleep. Kei listens to it for a moment, admiring the sound of it and the way your chest feels expanding against his. 

He thinks about dinner, about how good it feels to have introduced you. How real it makes this relationship feel despite the uneasiness surrounding his familial situation. Kei thinks about his parents. He thinks about their inability to be good for each other. He thinks about the worst of them, something he’s familiar with, before thinking about the best of them. Kei imagines the way their faces looked at dinner, talking about the children they’re raising properly. They’re good people, they just made each other bad. Molecular shifts that changed them for the worst. The notebook theory in its most frightening form. But they were good too. 

Kei thinks about loving you. His reluctance to do so originally isn’t quite beyond him yet. He’s unsure, in fact, if he’ll ever really get past the fear of the fall, the fear of becoming what his parents made each other. But he also thinks about his promise to love you for real. Love is not something that Kei does. He knows now that it's something that happens to him, like it happened to his parents. They loved each other once, even if it made them so blind that they couldn’t see just how bad it made them. 

Kei still resents the fact that he was born to fix a marriage that never would have worked in the first place. He resents being a fix rather than a gift, but at the very least, his existence is proof that his parents cared enough about their family to try. Even if it was misguided, at least they tried even a little. 

In the quiet after of an emotionally charged evening, loving you seems like an easier task for him now. It’s not hard to love you. What’s hard, Kei thinks, is not hurting you. He carries a lot of baggage that, for a long while, felt like too much. Kei thinks he can manage if it’s for you. He’ll bear the brunt of it. He’ll put in the work. 

Yes, Kei is his parents’ son, but he’s also Tadashi’s friend, Akiteru’s brother, the person who loves you. He doesn’t live in the house with a bin full of shards and no glassware anymore. 

“Are you awake?” He whispers across the pillow. 

“Mhm,” you hum, pushing your cheek into his arm.

“Let’s move in together,” he says. 

You tense against him and slowly attempt to blink away sleep. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he responds. “I want to live with you.” 

“Okay then,” you smile a little. “Let’s do it.” 

—

In the fall, when his lease with Tadashi ends and his friend gives him a tearful, yet somewhat silly goodbye, Kei moves into your new shared apartment. Two small rooms in a modest part of town, a shared kitchen and living room, one bathroom, a mismatch of furniture from both of your old places, and an empty fridge. The first night is spent eating take out on the floor with you in front of a TV with no proper stand. Kei has never been happier. 

And in the morning, when the sun comes through the slats of his window, broken up into gentle dots by the orange-leaved trees outside, Kei rises slowly. He rises gently. Kei doesn’t want to wake you, not before he’s made breakfast. He pads out to the kitchen, where boxes are strewn about, half unpacked, and grabs the little brown notebook from the box it’s been temporarily living in. In it, he writes a grocery list full of the things you like. It’s a good enough reason, a good enough change. 

The notebook theory. 

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #tsukishima kei x reader smut #hq x reader #tsukishima smut #tsukishima kei smut #tsukishima kei fic #[ 📕 – writing ] #she is finally finished i hope u enjoy and that u find it romantic and fulfilling #tw: overstimulation #i may add more warnings and such if i remember to #and pls lmk if i forgot any

[chaisshitposts]

this isn't really void progress but just a little journal entry for comedy purposes 😭

alright, well, i took an edible last night, chilled for a little bit, and when I started feeling the effects of it i went to my bedroom and laid my ass down.

then, i turned on the 'let go' void state subliminal, laid down on my back, and started doing the 'turn your left brain off' thingy. I'll tell ya one thing, edibles slowed my thoughts down and made my brain feel like it was being gently caressed by a million dandelion stems. it freaked me TF out.

anyways, the feeling spread over my body, and thEn suddenly I started seeing fractals of blue, green, red, and purple. then my heart rate just started going fucking NUTS, I thought my heart was about to explode right outta my chest. then the REM set in and I started freaking out and trying to open my eyelids while my actual eyeballs were moving on their own 😭 and not to mention some invisible force kept pulling my head downwards. this just further solidified why i don't actively continue to try entering the void while awake, I don't like those sensations at ALL. call me a lil' bitch if ya want but I refuse to put myself into a state that genuinely scares me just to reach the state of pure consciousness. I take my hats off to people who can lay still for hours on end without a care in the world, as well as people who willingly try to get sleep paralysis

moral of the story, i personally will NOT be doing that again. ill just save my edibles for the cinema like usual and will just continue to affirm that I'm fully awake and aware in the void every time I fall asleep. ig the best thing out of doing drugs before bed was i got a full night's sleep, and o f c o u r s e, i was in the void state again while i was asleep and only remembered doing so when I woke up 🧍but luckily, I remembered a haCk I saw some weeks ago for affirming and I'm still on my 10k affirmation shit. honestly, I think doing this experiment further opened my eyes on how one size does not fit all.

as of September 27th, 2023 11:50 am, I've affirmed for my 'rules', the void, and subliminals working instantly 5,000 times each using code words counting on physical counters I bought yesterday. I've never felt more unbothered + relaxed and I think I found what I've been looking for. if you're interested in hearing more about what I've been doing, ask away

#void state #god state #law of assumption #— chai's void updates. !! #void state progress

[nicetrynicetry]

135

One of those suspiciously hot scientists on YouTube tells his interviewer about the benefits of chewing rather than slurping food. “Facial structure is actually affected by many things, chewing being only one of them”, he says, “I also published some pretty impressive photos in my book of a boy who had been an attractive child, but had been allergic to his hamster and consequently began mouth-breathing, so his chin receded and his eyes drooped as he approached adulthood”

On Monday I see nobody, and work alone until it’s time to open my laptop for therapy. We discuss The Body, much like female curators did in the 2010s. I see my phone light up with texts from my mother describing in graphic detail the portion of skin a surgeon removed from her mother’s neck. She is overseeing the stitches being removed. I am instructed to go to my grandparents’ house next Friday and cook a meal, but warned that my granny does not want any “large chunks” of meat. Maybe I’ll make a soup, I suggest. I am then told my granny hates soup. I try to remember whether I ever saw my granny eat soup, looking for hypocrisy, but come up short. My two main food memories that relate to her are of how much butter she is capable of putting on a small piece of bread, and the time when my brother and I were children that she thought tomato purée was a viable stand-in for ketchup. We dipped fish fingers into the tomato purée anyway, learning one of our first lessons in politeness. I tell my mum I’m going to make a very mild, very white-person-friendly chicken curry, and that I will break any large chunks of meat up into barely visible strands. Afraid of using the wrong dishes and utensils in a highly-organised kitchen that isn’t my own, I turn my mind to the logistics of transporting pre-prepared curry matter to west London in my car without spillage. My other granny, during the height of her catering career, once spilled potatoes dauphinois all over the passenger seats of her Ford Fiesta, and the car never smelled the same again

A and I persist in the time zone hell that is FaceTiming every day while he’s in LA. Every call so far seems to have gotten him yelled at by a friend or colleague for being late to or distracted from some engagement or other. He calls in the middle of his day, and I am ready for bed. One of dozens of things I like about A is that he is on antidepressants. He has yet to pass judgement on anything I put in my body, but that we have this in common is especially comforting. He is taking me to a friend’s birthday when I arrive at the end of February, at a Japanese tea house. I tense up slightly when he says it’s in Los Feliz, where R lives. I am dreading R finding out that I am coming to LA for somebody else. I can only naively hope he never learns of it. I distract myself from the guilt (guilt that I have no business feeling) by answering DMs from one of 3 people who shares my problematic taste in comedy podcasts. Before I learned the proper definition, I thought that this is what the word “parasocial” meant - the friends one makes around a shared internet hobby. Eventually I learned it’s a creepier thing, namely spending so much “time” with a broadcaster or renowned figure’s voice that you begin to think they’re your friend. I still like the former better, but of course I suffer with the latter more than I care to admit. Time spent painting is also time thinking that perhaps Shane Gillis and I would be perfect for each other, not even to date, but just to hang. I want to be the one woman that convinces him women can be funny. I’m not like the other girls etc etc etc etc

Foxes having sex keep me up later than I’d like. When I fall asleep I dream that W becomes a successful curator overnight. I take N to the opening and he greets us and says “this is such easy money, people are idiots”. That’s how I know it’s a dream even when I’m having it, because there’s really no money in curating, and nor should there be in many cases

[leonbloder]

Imposter Syndrome

I  knew this pastor who, every time he got up to preach, would pray a simple prayer before he began to speak that went like this:

"God, if these people knew what you know about me, they wouldn't listen to a thing I have to say."

I've never felt the urge to pray that kind of prayer out loud, but I can attest that I've thought those words a time or two.

Humility in my line of work is a good thing, and if I've ever begun to think too highly of myself, I often quickly get brought down to earth in a hurry.  

In one of the churches I served, a tiny, older lady would sit on the second row, right in front of the pulpit, when I preached.  She would fall asleep about a quarter through the sermon and wake up when we started singing the closing hymn.  

And every Sunday, she would go out the door, shake my hand and tell me, "That was such a nice sermon."  You don't know how often I wanted to smile back at her and say, "You mean that was such a nice nap."

I'd been thinking about how I had just killed the sermon, wowed everyone, brought heaven to earth, and that lady would give me a good old dose of humility with that soft handshake and her sweet little comment.  

I think that was one of God's little jokes on me, to be honest.  

Truthfully, her little comment would always touch a nerve, so I still remember those moments all these years later.  It hit me right where I live, a place covered in signs saying, "You don't belong here" and "Who do you think you are?"

Imposter syndrome is a real thing for many people, not just pastors.  

We all have had moments when we didn't feel like we belonged where we were standing.  We have all had times when we wondered if we were worthy or up to the challenge.  We have all had doubts about our abilities or qualifications.

And for some of us, those feelings of being an imposter are even more potent in our life of faith.  

We wonder how God could possibly use us.  We doubt that God has a great purpose for our lives.  We think we are unworthy to serve in our church.  

And even when we take that step, we sometimes struggle because we secretly believe if people knew who we really were, they wouldn't want anything to do with us.

Author David R. Dawkins once wrote:

No amount of riches can compensate for an inner feeling of poverty.

The fact is, we still need to figure out everything. We are all flawed.  We're all imposters, if you want to put a fine point on it because none of us can be just like Jesus, no matter how hard we might try.

But when we clothe ourselves in humility and go ahead anyway, when we own our brokenness and just follow Jesus, when we step up to be used by God even though we feel unworthy, something incredible happens:

The world gets brighter.  Others get blessed.  The Spirit of Christ is felt.  

And this happens not despite our brokenness and feelings of unworthiness but because of them.  We can become authentic, genuine, and vulnerable in that space of humility, which touches more people than any amount of certainty.

So step up, step out, and raise your hand to be counted and used by God.  If you keep waiting to get ready for the day when you're ready, you'll miss out on all that God has in store for you now.

May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and always. Amen.

[sukirichi]

sweet lies [03.final]

His lies were way too sweet – and you were too addicted to make him stop.

cw. toxic! megumi, SEXY TOXIC MEGUMI 🥵, toxic college settings, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasm, orgasm denial, explicit smut, car sex, biting, scratching, sukuna is a sex god, MEGUMI WITH A LIP RING, slight angst

note. FINALLY FINISHED THIS SERIES AAAAHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THIS SERIES TYSM FOR EVERYTHING! lotsa lub lub for each and everyone of you! anyways let me just say...sweet lies sukuna can politely rail me.

series masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03

It’s…a different story when you have to move back and forth between your newly made acquaintance slash fuck buddy, Sukuna, to your actual fuck buddy and crush, Megumi.

Sukuna’s polite enough to not meddle into your business as he’s promised, which you’re extremely thankful for, but you should’ve known the bubble of happiness would pop the moment you stepped out of your apartment. You’ve left your phone unattended and on silent, earbuds always placed inside to ignore Megumi’s calls.

It’s funny, actually, that he’s never replied much to you before other than occasional dick pic and ‘you awake baby?’ but ever since you’ve been…pre-occupied, suddenly you’re on top of his contacts.

You grumble at the vibration of your phone, Megumi’s name flashing on the screen. Back then, you would’ve soared and jumped to pick up the call, voice sultry and toes pointed at the ceiling as you try to keep in your giggles. Now, you’re dreading it, glaring at his annoyingly handsome contact icon that used to make your heart skip a beat. You’re studying in the library and have been doing a terrific job at avoiding him so far, and today won’t be any different.

With a sigh, you completely flip your phone upside down and turn back to your book. You’re on the second line of the paragraph when you feel large, warm hands caress the back of your neck, tilting you upwards to meet his curious – and certainly annoyed – blue eyes.

“Babe,” Megumi drawls out, minty breath fanning your cheeks.

He looks absolutely stunning today, plain and casual yet so handsome in just a black hoodie and sweatpants, his dark hair slicked back to reveal his forehead. For a guy who sure pounded into your skill he had no interest in you that went beyond sexual, he sure did know you well enough, the slight tugging of his lips a sign he could easily read through you. It makes you huff away from him, scooting – trying is the keyword – away from his touch. Megumi’s persistence leads him into you placing you right above his lap and cages you between his arms, chin on your shoulder and his breath floating over your ear.

You can’t help but squirm in embarrassment. Half of the students in the campus library have turned to look at you, and Megumi merely smiles at the attention, audacious enough to kiss the shell of your ear.

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! In reality, you really do want to fuck him.

“Why have you been ghosting me?”

“I wasn’t ghosting you, Megumi, it’s called being busy. You ever tried doing homework?”

“You’re so mean to me today,” he pouts, but that pout soon brightens into a smile when you scowl at him. Megumi, albeit never really paying attention to you, your facial expressions have registered as second nature to him now. It doesn’t take much before you soften under his hold, still as mushy as ever, and the nasty fucker basks in it proudly. “There’s a party tonight at Okkotsu’s house, said his parents were away in Greece or some rich family shit. Wanna come and get wasted with me?”

“I don’t know, Megs, I have an essay to finish…”

“Come on, it’s just one night. It won’t hurt,” he shrugs and sways you to side to side, causing your heart to sway side to side in giddiness. It’s this – moments like this – that really fools you into believing Megumi likes you. And that sweet lie only turns sweeter from his words that drip like honey, “Plus, I’ve missed you. Can’t think straight when we’ve been apart for too long, baby.”

You pretend to think about it.

That slight falter in a split second brings about a waver in Megumi’s confident you didn’t think would be possible. Not that you can blame him; you never did have to think about it whenever he invites you to fuck around with him. In fact, you say yes a lot faster than he can ask you something, but something’s been changing you lately – or rather someone.

In the end though, you’ll circle up right where you belong.

Relishing in the rarity of having Megumi coddle you with kisses and affection, his perfume still as boyish and vanilla that deluded you into his faux aura of a sweet boy, you melt one more time. Hopefully, it would transition into a one last time before Megumi’s completely wrapped you around his finger.

“Fine. I’m leaving if it’s too noisy though.”

“Awesome,” Megumi chirps, pulling you in for a long, solid kiss. It takes you back by surprise that you end up wide-eyed above him, stiff hands on his shoulders as you feel him smile through the kiss. Then, just as you’re about to kiss him back with the same passion, Megumi separates himself from you and squeezes your ass. “Promise we’ll have fun, babe. I’ll even bring extra condoms.”

You’re not surprised he left afterwards.

But are you hurt? Most definitely so.

Fuck Fushiguro Megumi.

You were going to leave him, block him, ignore him, avoid him, and carve him out of your heart for good. It’s what you deserve – to be freed from such a toxic guy like him. His pretty face shouldn’t be an excuse for you stick around any longer. That party…well, it would be your last one, you’re never going back!

Still, it’s not that easy to let go. Years of following him around with puppy eyes and spreading your legs open for him like it’s the most natural thing to do isn’t just going to disappear in a day.

It’s for closure, you lie to yourself. That’s all it is – you just need closure. So for one last time, you’ll fuck around with Megumi, then you’d leave him. For good this time.

And yet – your mind still races back to him. His throaty, boyish laughter and the stupid way his eyes crinkle into half moons, his large hands slapping his knees when you tell him a really silly joke. Okay, he didn’t really laugh that much because he’s already passed out in the times you crack jokes after sex, but the few times he did, though? It’s magical, beautiful, phenomenal.

He’s so awful yet so irresistibly charming it’s a huge tug of war between your rational mind and foolish heart.

You couldn’t focus anymore in the library. If you wanted to pass your exams, you need to be somewhere that won’t remind you of him, in a place where a stronger aroma would conceal his lingering scent. The best option was to hang around in a local café closer to your apartment than on campus, and you’ve completely ditched your usual get up to just opting for lookinglike a complete shut in – bags under eyes, heart torn over a stupid boy, the usual Iced Vanilla Latte with the condensation sticking to the wooden table and soft lofi music playing in the background – it’s just the perfect atmosphere for you to wallow in self-pity.

And wallow in self-pity you did, your cheeks squished against the pale furniture while you sighed for what seems like the hundredth time that day. At the back of your head, Megumi is still giving you one of those slow, long kisses reserved for only when he’s half-sleepy, your heart doing insane back flips as you reminisced whatever moments you once had.

You’re so lost in your own train of thought you fail to hear the scraping of a chair, followed by a heavy body plopping across you. “Well, this is kind of gloomy…”

At the sound of that awfully familiar, deep voice, you sit up straight in a frenzy. Sukuna smirks at your reaction as he loudly sips from his matcha latte – which you would’ve never thought he likes – and sits back at his chair, legs crossed against one another. Unlike Megumi, he doesn’t seem to pose any other malicious intent, so you bury your head in your arms, wishing for the ground to just open up and eat you already.

“I’m sleep deprived and haven’t eaten anything except Red Bull and coffee,” you try to explain, “I look horrible.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gorgeous all the time.”

From under your arms, you scowl at nowhere in particular, ignoring the heat rushing from the back of your neck. Sukuna didn’t seem to be flirting with you, and one peek at him swirling his straw inside his cup proves your theories.

However, the offhanded compliment falls so naturally from his lips it takes you a back, and not in a good way. Defensively, you cross your arms against your chest. You knock your toes against Sukuna’s knees under the knees to get his attention, the taller man peering at you under his lashes, tongue innocently swirling around his straw.

I fucking hate men! – is what you want to say, but something different comes out. “Why are you even here? Aren’t you asleep in the morning because of work?”

“It’s my day off,” he sets his cup down, placing his chin on both of his palms. Sukuna’s gaze travels from your face down to the abandoned papers before you, a scowl immediately making its way to his face.  “Got too bored to cook so I came here for a light snack. As for you…ew, are you doing essays? I hated that shit in college.”

“Yeah, I hate it too,” you numbly agree, “Can barely function right now.”

Sukuna’s eyes lit up the moment you nearly fall on the table again, his palm quick to caress your cheek. If he can feel the intense heat of your skin from the sudden gesture, he makes no comment about it. Instead, Sukuna hauls you from your seat, nodding to your bag and papers before he rushes you out the door.

When Sukuna said he could make you feel better, the last thing you thought of was going to the nearby park. Now, you find yourself sitting comfortably with him, aggressively licking on the vanilla ice cream he’d gotten you from an ice cream man that passed by. It’s a great way to kill the time – or just to enjoy the day despite the rough start – because the sunlight feels warm on your skin, the trees above you shading you from extra shade.

Next to you, Sukuna is surveying his ice cream with the least interest, his brows furrowed as he notes, “Your crush is toxic. I suggest you cut ties with him and get it all over with.”

In part of making you feel better, Sukuna’s subtly given you clues you could tell him whatever’s going on in your mind. It makes you wonder if maybe you’ve been that obvious that even Sukuna could read you, but you’re thankful that he understood, because you really did want to rant about it. Your friends are just a one call away, but they’re not any better. They’ll keep claiming ‘Megumi just needs time’ because they know it’s what you want to hear to make yourself feel better. Though, every once in a while, you needed to talk to someone who could actually slap the harsh reality at your face, and who else would be more suitable than a mature adult like Sukuna?

Looking at him now, the contrast between your roommate and your crush is immense. Where Megumi is all bark and no bite, all needy and never giving, Sukuna’s silent and compliant, an extremely good listener with the patience of a monk.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah it is. Just block his number and avoid him. He’ll get the answer soon enough.”

“You don’t understand,” you groan in defeat. Sukuna faces you with worry written all over his face, seemingly tender in comparison to the tattoos marking his skin. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget he’s actually a lot more decent than Fushiguro fucking Megumi, but you end up slipping anyway, turning to the sky just as tears prick at your eyes. “I…I love him, okay? I’ve always been in love with him even though I know I’m just someone who warms his bed. I know that much and yet…I can’t seem to let him go.”

Sukuna is silent for a full minute. You thought he’ll offer you some adult wisdom only people like him would now, but Sukuna simply snorts, happily licking at his ice cream as if you didn’t just break down in front of him. “Shit’s tough then.”

“You’re great at comforting, you know that?”

“Oh, I wasn’t comforting you,” he smiles and pats your knee, “Come on, let’s go home. I know just how to take your mind off things.”

With the way he’s caressing your thigh and his voice turned an octave lower, you chastise yourself for feeling aroused when you wanted to cry just seconds ago. But his fingers are inching closer and closer to your inner thigh, and he’s warm and strong – so fucking nice too that perhaps fucking him wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

But like always, Sukuna never fails to surprise you.

You expected he’d take you right to his room the moment you’ve crossed the door, but Sukuna dashes for the TV before carrying a huge blanket and heaps of pillow. You watch there, stunned. He makes quick work of fluffing the pillows before grabbing your wrist and pulling you above him the same way Megumi did a while ago.

The only difference? Your heart doesn’t skip a beat. You’re not intoxicated by his scent. You’re not trying to squirm away from him nor do you feel like a silly little schoolgirl who’s fallen in love at first sight.

Where Megumi is deceivingly charming, Sukuna is more like a strong pillar to lean on, which you do exactly. Your head rests on his shoulder, both of your legs tangled under the blankets he’s covered you with. He’s blinking as Tangled plays on the TV, the faint sensation of his fingers playing with yours comforting and way too comfortable. It should feel weird to hang out with a guy like this without him wanting to shove his dick deep inside you minutes later (your movie marathons with Megumi never really finish as previously planned) but with Sukuna?

It feels natural. It feels great. It feels like home.

You’re gaping at him long before you realize it, one of your hands absentmindedly playing with the strings of his hoodie. Sukuna hums along to I Have A Dream with a small smile on his face, one that forms into a playful glare as he catches you staring at him. “Don’t look at me like that. Disney is a classic.”

You fight back a smile. “Wasn’t complaining,” burying yourself deeper into his warm embrace, you’re lulled into an early slumber with Sukuna’s humming combined with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

His plan worked efficiently – for a moment, you forget your heart was aching to begin with.

After screaming internally for a good hour and a half, you arrive at the party anyway. The stench of weed, alcohol, and sex hanging thickly in the air is more than familiar to you by now. You ignore the catcalls you receive as you make your way to Megumi and fuck, he just had to look even sexier tonight.

He’s ditched his e-boy getup with a plain white shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, a Converse, and that black leather jacket he always refused to wear. Megumi really woke up and chose violence today, the minimalistic silver chain around his neck only adding to his appeal. You should’ve run away then – he literally screams trouble – but you’ve never been one to shy from that. Truth be told, you’re only pulled in harder, swaying your hips side to side as you sashay to where he’s laughing along with his friends.

Clearing your throat to get his attention, Megumi finally lays his eyes on you.

You’re glad you took the extra time to dress in your best outfit today – a lace orange mini dress that accentuates your cleavage just enough for a tease, paired with black combat boots and a white purse slung from your shoulder. Pride pumps through your veins when Megumi steps away from his friends, his hands encircling around your waist almost possessively. He smirks through your hair, those addicting lips trailing lower and lower down to your neck until, “You smell like another man.”

Now that you weren’t expecting. He doesn’t seem to be mad, perhaps a little jealous judging by how he’s grinding his crotch to your abdomen and tugs you closer, but this is Megumi in the question. He never gets jealous, so you flatten your palms onto his chest, eyes daring and red lips upturned into a smirk as you ask, “Why do you care?”

Megumi raises a brow – which really shouldn’t have been such a sexy thing – at your spunk. Normally, you’re too sweet and submissive to him, never would’ve even dared to dress something as revealing like this, but maybe you’re tired of being sweet.

Maybe this time, you wanted to match Megumi’s spice, fight fire with fire.

Megumi chuckles above your lips and swipes a thumb over your lower lip, humming when the coating doesn’t stain his fingers. He’s mentioned before he hates washing the lipstick off his dick, and the fact you remember that has him groaning at your ear. Unsurprisingly, Megumi’s already hard. He nibbles at the shell of your ear, possessive hands brushing over your collarbone as a silent promise of what he’ll be doing to you tonight.

“Like I said, this pussy is mine.”

You should say no. It’s evident in the darkness of his eyes he’s daring you to say no, but it’s too much. The cramped space that diminishes space until it becomes a myth, his hands rubbing circles at your hip, the glint of his new lip ring under the disco lights and anything, everything about Fushiguro Megumi just makes you feel so weak you can’t say no.

Satisfied with your silence, Megumi sweeps you upstairs. There’s already a round of Truth or Dare going on with a bunch of drunk and half-high college students, the lights red and the aroma of weed thick in the air.

It bothers you so you stick close to Megumi, nose stuck at the collar of his leather jacket. He’s not satisfied with just you sitting next to him; Megumi is territorial. He makes sure you’re comfy and using his lap like a throne, clasping both your hands in your lap while he boredly stares at his friends. Okkotsu Yuta, the host who used to be super shy in his freshman year but became one of the most sought after guys in his junior year, sits across from you in the circle. He’s already giggling in his drunken state while Nobara Kugisaki makes the mistake of choosing dare, flinging her bra straight at a very enthusiastic Yuuji.

They spin the bottle and it lands straight at you. Megumi hums in anticipation at the crook of your neck, his little sounds mixed with his heated touches sending fire straight down your core. It’s inebriating to have him this close, but you need to keep a straight head if you want to survive.

Fighting the arousal pooling at your stomach, you offer a flat smile. “Truth.” As expected, the crowd isn’t pleased. They holler, “Booooo,” with their hands cupped around their mouths, the others snickering at you, though you’re quite satisfied with the safety of your choice. You could be crazy with Megumi, but being crazy around others isn’t something you’re comfortable with.

Thankfully, Yuta shushes the crowd dramatically with a threat he’ll kick them out with his infamous Katana that’s been passed down by an ancestor. Once everyone’s calmed down, Yuta smirks at you, eyes wiggling as he asks, “Who’s the best dick you ever had?”

You don’t think twice about it. Someone else’s face pops up for a split second, but it’s so natural, so obvious that you would say – “Megumi.”

“Speak louder, baby, they won’t hear.”

“It’s you,” you suddenly grow shy at the attention, whatnot with Megumi shamelessly trailing hot kisses down your neck now for everyone to see. He’s shameless as he rocks you back and forth on his thigh, all the while keeping eye contact with the other guys whose eyes are zeroed in on the swell of your breasts that are an inch away from popping out from your dress. It’s the best time to submit, the perfect time to give him what he wants, and his expert hands prompt his name out of you with a single suck at your neck.

“Fushiguro Megumi.”

“Damn, Megumi, you’ve trained your bitch well.”

“’Course I did. My dick does all the disciplining,” Megumi cups your jaw to tilt your face at him, cooing at you as you flush embarrassed from everyone’s snickering. “Aw, don’t pout baby, it’s all just harmless jokes. You know I treat you like a goddess when we’re alone.”

“Yo, man, get a fucking room!”

Megumi ignores Yuuji’s comments and makes an offhanded comment the latter is just jealous because he hasn’t had his dick wet in days, ensuing a close dog fight between the guys. Maki has to step in and kick the strawberry haired boy back to his seat, scolding her cousin to back down. Meanwhile, you cling to Megumi like a scaredy-cat, head empty with nothing but the way he’s never hold you this close and proudly before.

Just one last time.

“Megs, your turn.”

“Dare.”

Yuuji slaps his palm over Yuta who usually gives the dares. The older guy rolls his eyes but lets it slide, knowing that Yuuji could also let loose with his dares. Megumi isn’t afraid though, he stays docile around you, leaving little nibbles at your ear and even squeezing your boobs at one point. You know he’ll never back down from Yuuji’s dares, even as his eyes darken with mischief. Now, Yuuji is a nice guy, but something doesn’t quite feel right with the way he’s staring Megumi down.

“I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

Megumi freezes.

Time must’ve stopped because everyone is chanting, “KISS, KISS, KISS!” but he makes no move. You stay there, staring up at him wide eyed with your arms looped around his neck. Your heart is beating a mile a minute in your chest the moment Megumi’s eyes gaze down to your lips, smirking as he leans closer, leans down lower, and you close your eyes, waiting for the salacious kiss that would sear at the back of your mind. But it never comes and a gust of wind flies by through you, and before you know it, Megumi’s leaned over your shoulder, his hand cupping the cheek of this girl named Alicia who you’ve heard about from your friends before that she’s Megumi’s current pick.

Alicia was never supposed to kiss him back. Your friends told you, they promised you she wasn’t the type of person to fall for the likes of Megumi, and yet she’s smiling through the kiss. You’re still in Megumi’s lap but your vision is of the audience, their jaws dropped and Yuuji slapping Yuta’s thighs. “Oh, shit! That’s gotta hurt!”

You don’t think twice.

You push yourself off Megumi and run out the room, the sounds of their chaotic laughter mocking you to no end. You know – you fucking know – you’d never quite belong in Megumi’s circle. Everyone knows you’re just another one of his bed warmers, and they also know how much you’re hopelessly in love with him, begging, hoping that one day he might return your affections.

It makes perfect sense with each step you take further from the room. This has to be staged, intentional, because there’s no way Yuuji would’ve said that if he didn’t already have an idea maybe Alicia reciprocated Megumi’s feelings.

But what about your feelings?

Does no one really care? Were you really reduced to just another body count?

Your chest squeezed uncomfortably as you pushed past the crowd, ignoring everyone’s protests from how rough you were. You don’t stop until you’ve locked yourself inside a restroom, tears freely falling down your face. With trembling hands, you fall back to the floor, dialing the only person you could trust right now.

He picks up not three rings later, voice still gruff and laced with sleep. “Hello?”

“S-Sukuna,” you whimper, pathetically wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “I’m – can you please pick me up?”

From the other line, you can hear Sukuna shuffling for something in the background. Keys dangle and he locks the door, the sounds of his rushed footsteps so relieving to your senses. “Where are you? What’s wrong? Did someone force themselves on you?”

“No, I just…I want to go home.”

“Text me the address. I’ll be there soon.”

You text him the address and end the call. From the outside, the bass is thumping so hard it makes your head pound. You’re already feeling dizzy from crying so much, hands clutched around your chest because it hurts so much.

Stupid Megumi, fucking stupid Megumi – but aren’t you the stupider one? You’re the one who chose to keep being with him despite the warning signs. You’ve heard what everyone said about him, his reputation as a fuckboy isn’t exactly a secret, but you hoped, you sincerely hoped you could at least be good enough. But you’re not not good enough – Megumi just simply doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better and he needs to go to hell, so then why does it hurt so much the more you picture how he’s humiliated you like that?

Your dress is beyond soaked from how much you’ve cried. At this point, you just feel achingly numb. The pounding in your head is matched by the soft knocks rapping against the door, and thinking it’s Megumi or one of his lackeys, you wrap your arms around your knees.

“GO AWAY!”

“Sweetheart, it’s me. Open up, let’s get you home,” It’s Sukuna. Scrambling for the door, you push it open and jump into his arms without a second thought. Sukuna effortlestly catches you, and the dam you thought had dried up in you breaks again. He stiffens as you cry on his shoulder, fists balled around his shirt in a vice-like grip. “Who the fuck made you cry? Is it him again?” he growls, “I seriously want to knock the living daylights out of him.”

“Don’t start a ruckus, Sukuna.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he visibly softens at your state. Sukuna rubs your back soothingly and lets you cry like that, shielding your vulnerable state with his arm. He moves you to hide your face in his chest and kisses the crown of your head, so gentle and unbelievably tender. “I don’t pick on someone weaker than me. That’s bullying.”

You don’t utter another word as he leads you out of the house. He mutters under his breath on how kids are so wild these days and he really can’t imagine he was once like that. Sukuna’s car is parked on the curb, and you rush for it, eager to go home until he stops you. He wraps his jacket around your shoulders to offer you some modesty and you offer him a weak smile, allowing him to embrace you from the sides to guide you.

“Hey!” Megumi calls out, “Hey, what are you doing with her? Let her go,” his footsteps echo behind you just as you clench your eyes shit, “I said let her go!”

“Don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid,” Sukuna mutters to himself like a mantra.

“Yo, steroid guy, you deaf or what? I said let my girl go—” Megumi falls on his ass. He stares up at whoever punched him, eyes wide at Sukuna’s arm raised, but his eyes are on you. “Ow! You fucking bitch, you broke my nose!”

“Shit,” Sukuna laughs beside you as you wince at the soreness of your knuckle. “That was hot.” Somehow, you find the ability to smile. You’ve always wanted to top Megumi, but seeing him below you like this, weak and clutching his broken nose while whining about it like a little bitch, it feels a lot more satisfying.

You want to scream at him, to release all the profanities that have manifested your anger throughout the years. But Megumi crawls back with something unreadable in his eyes, the edges of his lips tinted red with a smack of lipstick, probably from Alicia.

The sight has you scoffing. Maybe you don’t have anything to worry about after all – Megumi hates lipstick stains with a passion. If he ever gets with her, they won’t last long enough.

That fact is enough for you to flip your hair over your shoulder, glaring at Megumi one last time before dragging Sukuna down by the collar. His laughter ceases the moment your lips collide, your hands teasing around his neck to brush at his undercut. Sukuna moans through the kiss, the way he’s explicitly grabbing the flesh of your ass a sign he’s aware what kind of game you’re playing. You make a mental note to apologize for this later, but for now, you’ll shamelessly savor his tongue and the minty aftertaste, grabbing at his large frame that picks you up with no ease.

You leave Megumi gaping at the lawn after that, your finger middle raised right before Sukuna speeds off.

Fuck, that has never felt so good. This feeling…it bursts through you. There’s this certain satisfaction in finally having the power at your fingertips this time around, and you you’re your wicked smile through your hair, too absorbed in your own feelings that you don’t register Sukuna’s worried tone at first.

“So…do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He doesn’t pry afterwards, just shoots you a curious look. Just moments ago, you were crying and feeling like you’re on the verge of breaking down, but this adrenaline rushing through absolutely cannot fuck around anymore. The image of Megumi realizing he’s lost you is so exhilarating, and you twist your torso to face your roommate, grinning at his handsome features. He looks so delicious like this, black button up shirt left open at the top, his veiny, muscular arms driving one hand on the steering wheel and the other gently caressing your thigh. You suck in a deep breath, licking your lips as you purr, “Hey, Sukuna.”

“Yes?”

“Pull over.”

“Wait, why? We’re so close at home.”

“Pull over, I’m done,” you insist with a glare, although the animosity isn’t directed at him. Sukuna keeps his eyes on the road before he spares you a glance, smirking at how you’re already unclasping your bra from your seat.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re going to use me as a stress reliever.”

At his words, your arms still behind you. You glance up at him with wide, worried eyes that immediately reach out for his hands in assurance. “N-No, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Usually, sex is a lot crazier when the other is angry. Use me as you will – I don’t really care,” he licks his lips and suddenly slams on the brakes under an empty parking lot, already flipping something in the engine. You’re taken aback as Sukuna discards his shirt in a second, his large arms carrying your frame to the backseat with him. Sukuna spreads your legs as he helps you get rid of your dress but it’s too tight that you just give up, leaving the material bunched under your boobs instead. Sukuna’s eyes darken at the lack of material under your dress, his fierce gaze shooting up to yours as he massages your inner thighs, his breath labored.

“What position do you want?”

“Fu-fuck, I don’t know, just fuck me,” you whine, spreading your legs farther to make space for him. He’s a tall guy with long limbs that he shrinks even with his fancy car, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sukuna seems a lot more focused in fucking you in that moment because he’s unhooking his belt, diving down for one more kiss that is a lot heated and rushed than the previous one for show.

“I want to get rid of his face from my mind, I fucking hate him so much,” you can’t help but bite down on Sukuna’s lip, hard enough that it draws blood. Sukuna groans into your mouth, the sound so utterly deep and sexy you drip down on his seats even more.

“You’ll still go back to him after this?”

“No…it would be stupid if I did,” you roll your eyes.

“Good girl,” Sukuna praises as his lips leave a wet trail from your jaw down to the valley of your breasts. His smile is quickly replaced with a sinister grin, one of his hands cupping your breasts at the same time his teeth dart out to playfully nip at your breasts. He really shouldn’t look so enticing under you like this, and you’re so caught by his devilishness you fail to realize he’s already rummaging through your purse. “But I think lover boy still doesn’t get the message. We’re gonna have to punch it through his dumb skull.”

He hands you your phone, Megumi’s contact right before you.

“Sukuna, what’re you doing?”

“Call him,” Sukuna moves up to fish a condom out of his wallet and slides it to his already throbbing cock, chuckling at the way your eyes widen at his girth as if you hadn’t taken him before. “Call him and let him hear how I fuck you better, sweetheart. Boys like him won’t get the message unless you tell them directly.”

His hands clutch the backseat until his knuckles turn white, aligning himself with your entrance. You’re wet enough that he slides in easily and you moan loudly at the intrusion, pretty little gasps a sign of your pleasure. Helplessly, you grip at his bicep while your legs shake from how tense you are, the tantalizing movement of his hips pulling breathless moans from you. “And what better way than to take what’s his, right? What did he call this? His pretty pussy?” Sukuna scoffs, “Fuck that, stupid little boys can’t even fuck you right, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Ngh, Sukuna, that f-feels good, right there!”

“Right here?” he teases with a stroke of his cock that brushes against your tight walls. Sukuna’s face contort into pleasure when your tight pussy sucks him in, falling forward just to rasp in your ear. “Call him. Then, I’ll fuck you however you want me to.”

You don’t know how you’re able to swipe on Megumi, but he picks up in the speed of light like never before. Sukuna mouths loudspeaker and you follow his commands, Megumi’s voice booming through the sex-filled air of the car. “Where the fuck did you go? The party wasn’t over yet and you’re hanging out with some beefy, tattoed guy? It’s your roommate, isn’t it?” Megumi curses at someone before continuing, the aggravation evident in his tone. “He’s such a fucking creep, I swear if he lays his hands on you again I’ll—”

“You’ll do what, kid?” Sukuna challenges, “Oh and mind you, she’s the one who asked me to fuck her. As her concerned roommate and the more mature adult, I believe it’s my duty to listen to her complaints and make her feel better, especially when she keeps whining she’s not being fucked good.”

“Sukuna!” You whine and slap his arm, but you’re smiling, the pleasure and satisfaction of slapping Megumi this harshly making you feel greater than ever.

“Are you sleeping with her?” Megumi sounds like he’s losing his shit, and you sincerely hope he does. “Gosh, Y/N, how low can you be? I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Since when?” you attempt to scream, but Sukuna’s gripped your thighs and pulls your lower body closer to his cock in time to meet his thrusts. Your body slides off the seat and you’re left screaming Sukuna’s name, the latter wearing a shit-eating grin at the way you’re creaming around him. Somehow, your attention reverts back to Megumi’s whining. “You’re a fucking dick, Megumi, I honestly hope you choke on your small dick!” you shout and end the call, slapping your hand on your face as you throw your phone away. “I hated saying that.”

“Because you still like him or…?”

“No, because he was actually a good fuck and his dick is huge,” you say through pants. Sukuna must’ve hated how you’re talking about Megumi’s dick when he’s literally rearranging your insides, and Sukuna grabs your leg, manhandling you into the position he likes. You’re immediately on your knees with your back flat to his chest, your arms locked between your bodies as Sukuna takes you from behind. Your head falls back to his shoulders where Sukuna leaves messy open-mouthed kisses to your sweaty skin. “I fucking hate him. He’s such an asshole.”

“Hmm, well don’t spend too much energy thinking about him anymore,” Sukuna snarls at your skin, releasing your hands just to rub at your swollen clit. “Just let loose and let me take care of you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t even remember meeting him.”

The honest side of you wants to moan, the familiar tightening of your abdomen appearing already. He’s hitting all your sensitive spots that you can barely think, only feel, but you also feel so powerful and enraged that you cup Sukuna’s cheek, narrowing your eyes at him. You hit his thrusts by pushing back against his cock that causes him to slide in deeper, the large man groaning deep within his chest.

“You sure about that?”

“Oh, hundred percent confident, baby.”

“Let’s see what you got then,” you teased him. Pretending you’re not seconds away from coming is an even bigger challenge than leaving Megumi, but for the sake of riling up Sukuna, you would do it.

“You’re challenging me?”

“If I don’t cum at least twice, then that’s going to be a damn shame.”

“Twice? That’s not even the minimum,” he shakes his head tauntingly at you, increasing his pace until the sounds of his balls smacking your ass and both your groans are filling the dead silent night. It’s so lewd and dirty that your tongue lols out from the pleasure, eyes shut tight because you’re close, so fucking close! “You’re going to lose your fucking mind,” Sukuna said as a final warning.

You didn’t think too much of it until he pulls out of you seconds before you came. The crestfallen look written all over your face makes him laugh, but Sukuna only turns your body and goes down on his knees, hitching your legs over his shoulders. Your chest falls up and down as he dives down to your sopping, abused cunt, hands threading through his hair before he rudely flicks it away. “No. Hands to yourself. You’re not allowed to touch me,” he hissed, but his roughness is softened only by a little bit when you whimper so sweetly for him. “Don’t pout, sweetheart, you’ll get your chance when we get home. For now, since you’d so rudely woke me up and left me without inviting me for dinner, I’m starving.”

Sukuna dips between your thighs, tongue poking out to take the first taste of your juices. Your reaction is instantaneous and gratifying; head thrown back, nails dug into the seats, legs quivering and falling open wider to welcome the warm, wet muscle that licks flat from your entrance up to your clit.

“Fuuckk, Sukuna, slow down, ngh—”

“He ever ate you out this way?”

“No, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Can you take it, sweetheart? Should I stop?” You know he’s teasing you, the sniggers muffled from your pussy lips are still heard but you can’t fight back, not when your legs turn to jelly at his ministrations.

“Keep going, fuck, please, I will slap you if you don’t make me cum tonight,” you threaten, and Sukuna smartly responds by sucking your clit into his mouth. He rolls it between his teeth, careful enough not to hurt you while plunging two fingers deep inside you, curling it into a come-hither motion that stretches you pleasurably. “Too, oh, shit!”

“You can’t even talk properly,” he chuckles, and the vibrations that come afterwards shatter your entire world. “And this is just my tongue. Feels too good?”

“Yes, yes, too good!” you cry out, “Sukuna, em coming!”

Your orgasm has no build-up whatsoever. You lay there panting with a silent scream as your nails scratch against his seats, toes curled as it comes down into you in one, hard slap. Sukuna hums as he licks up the arousal trailing down your pussy to not make even more of a mess. “Already? I haven’t even started yet,” he sighs sarcastically, “Don’t think I’m done with you. I did say you’d lose your mind, right?”

Sukuna has now joined you on the seats, flipping you to the side where he hooks one leg under his arm, your other leg extended to your side that remains flushed at the seats, his thighs squishing yours. It’s utterly challenging to move in this position and you’re completely at his mercy, the sight of his tall, dominating figure above you forcing you back into a submissive space. He doesn’t give you much time to recover before his cock is pushing past your pussy once more, bottoming out in one, swift thrust.

“’Kuna, too sensitive, mhhm—”

“You’ll take it,” he breathes out while peppering kisses at your ankle, “Come on, you’re a good girl, yeah? Give me one more.”

“Su-kuna, it’s too much!”

“Just one more.” Sukuna elicits moans from you the harder he thrusts, leaning forward until you’re crying out from the stretch of all the muscles in your body. He’s being nice today by letting you cum more than twice in the exchange of holding back his, because he’s absolutely throbbing inside you. He picks up a rougher pace from where he left off, saying your name through gritted teeth as you tighten around him. You’re squealing and whimpering from behind your fists, overly sensitive still from your previous orgasm.

His hips roll in such a mind-numbing manner before Sukuna rams into you utterly deep, your bodies flushed so close you can feel the heat pulsing from his skin. Sukuna tenses above you before he brings you to your orgasm, with him following not long afterwards.

Sukuna pulls out with a groan and ties his condom in a knot, discarding it above his clothes. Upon hearing your soft sighs, he immediately rushes your side and pats your cheek to wake you up. “Hey, look at me,” he commands, though his voice is gentle and soft. “You good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out through fluttering lashes, “Yeah, I’m just tired,” extending your arms to him, you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him close. “Come here. Want cuddles.”

Sukuna gives in to your request for a few minutes and stays wrapped up with you. It’s perfect to be in this state, to be held so close and not just touched, the intimacy of it all bringing about unfamiliar warmth that only ever makes itself present when he’s here. “As much as I want to stay like this, we’re sweaty and sticky,” Sukuna murmurs through your hair, his hands roaming all over your skin. There’s no other sexual meaning behind it even as his rough palms graze past your mound. His touches are more like him exploring your body out of curiosity, out of the desire to just have you this close. You’re unsure what to feel about it and your mind is uncannily clear after an orgasm, but Sukuna’s already sitting up with you above him before you could ponder about it any longer. “Let me take you home first, then we’ll cuddle. What do you think?”

“Oh fuck,” you cut him off upon seeing the flashing of your screen. “It’s Megumi. Fifteen missed calls.”

“Lover boy is crazy,” Sukuna snickered behind you.

“Good thing I’m crazier,” you shut your phone off and throw it to the passenger’s seat, beaming up at Sukuna and giving him the puppy eyes from behind your shoulder. “Can we get milkshakes on the way?”

“I think you got enough milk.”

“Sukuna!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he raises his hands in surrender. You pout until you feel something hard and wet poking your bottoms, and Sukuna smirks, gesturing to his erection that you haven’t noticed. “You do know that I’m still hard, right? I’ll fuck you again when we get home.”

“You could’ve just let me suck you off.”

“Nah,” he refuses, “I want to feel you come around me,” Sukuna cockily winks at you, and your mouth falls open, gasping in disbelief at how vulgar he could be. He steals a quick kiss then as he tugs his pants up, the sight of him rolling his sleeves back up to his elbows thoroughly…compelling that you’re left salivating at the ripples of his muscles. “I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. Right now, I need to treat someone like a princess and get her some food.”

“You should stop saying that,” you blurt out defensively, “Sweet lies won’t get you anywhere.”

“I wasn’t lying about anything. I meant every word I said.”

The tension thickens in an instant. Sukuna looks at you warily – or perhaps worriedly? – before he situates himself back in the driver’s seat, starting the car right after you’ve fixed your appearance. Considering it’s already late, he’s struggling to find any restaurant or diners open to appease your cravings, though he doesn’t complain about it.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, unable to find a proper explanation to his behavior. “Sukuna…” you start off nervously, refusing to look him in the eye. “Do you uhm…do you like me?”

“What kind of question is that, sweetheart?”

“I meant…maybe you just like me for my body, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he tilts his head towards you, “I’m too old for drama and playing with people’s feelings. Like I said, the cards are all in your hands now. If you want us to just have casual sex, I don’t mind, but if you also want to be, uhm…” Sukuna awkwardly rubs at the back of his head with a clear of his throat, the tables turned because now he’s the one who can’t meet your gaze. “…something more, then I won’t refuse that either. I’m up to whatever you want to do.”

“And if I said that…maybe I’m considering getting to know you better?”

“Then maybe I would happily say yes.”

You smile at how easily he lightens up the mood, feeling a smile already playing on your lips as you giggle. “Just a maybe?”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he groans, averting his eyes from the road (it’s empty anyway) to get a quick peck. You whack his arm and his laugh only grows louder; he knows you’re not really angry, because he kisses really good and you like it a lot more than you’ll admit.

“I’ll be a hundred times of a better boyfriend than what you’d expect.”

“You’re really confident, huh?”

“Oh, I’m confident I can treat you well,” he nods proudly, head tipping back to the backseat. “I did just let you ruin my leather exterior and let you walk away while I have a raging boner. Do you have any idea how much self restraint a man has to have to let that happen?”

“Probably an immaculate one. Megumi would never let me go unless he’s came.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that guy,” Sukuna doesn’t even bother to try and hide his hatred for your former crush, and you’re smiling like a lovesick fool on the seat. “You’re with me now. So, since I want to spoil you, how many milkshakes do you want?”

Back then, you were always too addicted to lies that seemed so sweet that you couldn’t be able to stop. But now that you’ve met Sukuna, perhaps the blissful truth is a lot sweeter, and it’s a much healthier addiction you’ll take any day.

taglist: @thesimpsclub @uwubby-1 @expectoscamander @your-consulting-fangirl @dora-the-grownup @cosmotoic @charlie-xo @kittaliapenn @sukunas-cult-leader @flowersgirl02 @cloudsinthecosmos @90s-belladonna @averysheart-raleighsdick @generousstudentpsychic-bat @kat-su-ki @issamomma @sklycan​ @ggsmashgg​ @dora-the-grownup​ @ninefuckingoneone​ @ambiguous-something​ 

#sukuna x reader #ryoumen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader smut #megumi x reader #megumi x reader smut #megumi smut #sukuna smut #sukuna x reader fluff #sukuna x reader romance #megumi x reader angst #fushiguro megumi x reader #ryoumen sukuna smut #ryoumen sukuna x reader smut #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #sukuna x reader imagines #megumi x reader imagines #ryoumen sukuna imagines #fushiguro megumi imagines

[uncouth-the-fifth]

Happy 100 followers🥳🥳🥳

Can you write a fic w the prompt 371 with Robin and a shy shy VERY SHY s/o??🥺🥺🥺

I like that most of your fics have an of confidence to y/n but I'd rather have her extremely shy pls

371. "You have a voice and body like an angel. I'd fuck you from behind, but then I wouldn't get to see those pretty eyes," with Damian Wayne.

ugh, i never realized that before! almost all of my readers are super confident, so i should try and mix it up more. thank you for the prompt!! happy 100 🥳 some sex pollen fun for u!

After hours of blood testing, surveillance, and fear, Damian was finally released to go home with you. Poison Ivy was officially in custody. Though Damian was confident that she hadn't dosed him fatally during their latest battle, Dick and Tim had coaxed him to take the precautionary tests anyway. Ivy’s usual toxin came up, which they had dozens of cures for in the cave. Bruce let him return home after being dosed with one, but asked that you keep an eye on him - not like you wouldn't already.

You could sense how tired Damian was. The fighting had lasted through the night, so the testing had brought you both to morning. The moment you shut the door of your apartment, you touched Damian's back. "Tell me if you feel any different, okay? I'm worried about you."

"I'm immune to hundreds of varieties of poison, beloved," Damian scoffed, shoving off his coat. He planted a soft kiss on your temple. "You don't need to worry."

"...I'll do my best," you replied, wary.

You had some things to do around the house, so you asked Damian to crash in the living room instead of the bedroom to keep him in sight. The night's events had apparently rattled him, because he twisted and turned under his blanket, grunting to himself. An hour passed with this routine. Damian would sigh and struggle to fall asleep, and you'd pause your tasks to run your fingers through his sweaty hair. He was only relaxed with his head in your lap, curling his cheek into your touch and blinking slowly at you.

"Talk to me," he murmured.

"About?"

Damian closed his eyes under your hand. "Anything. I... like your voice." He hummed to himself, brows gently furrowed, "...And your hair... your eyes..." he swallowed, "...your body."

Rendered bloodless by the compliments, you couldn't help but comply with Damian's request. It was always hard for him to fall asleep, and even harder for him to sleep well, so your heart ached for him. You talked about anything you could think of. What chores you had to do this week, how little you wanted to do them - bland things, like the dishes and clothes shopping. When you got to the part about the bras you were thinking about getting, Damian perked up.

"What kind?" He cleared his throat.

"Something cute," you shrugged. "You, um, r-ripped my favorite lace one, so I'll have to find something more durable? Something that looks just as nice."

"Mmn..." Damian's voice was thick with something dark. He sat up suddenly, turned over on his hands, and faced you on his knees. One broad palm squeezed the softest part of your thigh. “I adore you in lace,” he panted, pupils huge and black as the night sky, “the way those tiny panties wrap around your hips... I-I can’t resist myself. Just thinking about you in those cute little clothes makes me want to fuck you like an animal...”

“D-Damian!” You yelped. He’d never said anything like that to you before. Stunned words popped into your mind, but his hands caressing under your waistband made it impossible to speak.

“Say my name like that again,” he hissed. Damian crawled over you like a panther, dark and sexual. One huge hand viciously pinched your jaw and squeezed it. “You have the voice, the body of an angel - I’d fuck you from behind, but then I wouldn’t get to see those enchanting eyes.”

You braced your hands on his shoulders, nails digging into his nude back. It was embarrassing how wet you were at just a little praise. “Damian... t-the toxin, it could be—”

All the energy in the world seemed to surge into him. Damian’s plump mouth kissed and nuzzled your neck. “I took the antidote already. Don’t worry, my love.” The fingers playing with the edge of your pants suddenly plunged in, cupping your damp, clothed core and practically singing, “This is only a side effect...”

His warm tongue drew and sucked circles into your throat, which instantly melted into his touch. You should be trying to be reasonable, but the power of Damian’s voice washed over you like a spell, and the slow, methodical press of his fingertips to your clit sealed the enchantment over you. Damian had you  captured.

“Won’t you be a good girl and help your boyfriend feel better?” Damian drawled, wetting his fingers in your cunt. “I need you, Y/N... p-please, I’m so hard for you...”

He wasn’t lying. As your dance slowly reclined deeper into the cushions, you could feel his cock hardening against your leggings. Damian pulled himself out only when he knew you were watching, and pumped himself slowly, poorly, like he couldn’t bare to do it without you. Your cheeks burned with heat. You knew from experience how good Damian’s cock felt in hand, the weight of it meant for your touch and your touch alone. You drifted your fingers around him and Damian mewled, thrusting so hard into your touch that his sweatpants fell around his legs.

“C’mere,” you relented, and Damian crashed his lips so deeply to yours that it flattened you to the couch.

He tore down your leggings so you could wrap your legs around his middle. Damian pulled your bodies flush and curved his back, giving you both room to enjoy how you jerked the other off. With a throaty moan against your tongue, Damian sawed his cock between your folds and into your fingers, wetting the fabric of your panties. A boiling wave of heat locked your legs in place. Madly, Damian rolled his thumb around your clit, his voice keening into your ear with every circle, “So fucking beautiful... So fucking good for me...”

His enthusiasm made you desperate. Spitting a foamy circle of drool into your palm, you coated Damian’s sensitive shaft and lathered him as best you could. Damian’s jittery hips did most of the work, bucking his cock into the soft, sticky tunnel of your hand. You kissed like you were fighting, biting at the other’s lips and claiming each other's mouths with wide swipes of your tongues.

If you upped your pace, Damian would meet it. When you pumped him faster, Damian snapped your panties to the side and melted his fingers inside you. That was as coherent as the touching got. Everything else was primal instinct, wanting to touch and wanting to be touched. Damian’s free hand caressed your belly, grabbed your thighs, groped your breasts through your shirt, spasming for every inch of skin it could find. His mouth was the same, wildly claiming your moans until his lungs burned.

You came together, laboring for breath and trembling from head to toe. Damian pushed your shirt over your belly and came across it with unrestrained bliss, and you squeezed around his fingers, wound up like a toy box until Damian set you free.

But just as soon as his fingers drew away from your cunt, they closed around your thighs, pushing your knees against your chest and spreading your legs for him. The toxin’s side-effects had a greater hold on him than you thought - Damian was still rock hard, his girthy, wet tip playing with your pulsing folds.

Before he filled you, Damian uttered a single low order: 

“Moan for me.”

#damian wayne/you #damian wayne/reader #damian wayne x you #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne smut #damian wayne x reader smut #damian wayne #user uncouth

[wolken-himmel]

In which Lilia tells a little bedtime story to (Y/n) who just can't seem to fall asleep.

This tale as old as time is about The Princess of Ramshackleria getting abducted by King Malcolm of Insomnia. Now, her faithful knight Adeus has come to save her!

The characters' names seem familiar to (Y/n), although she can't really place them. In the end, this however might just be one big scheme by Lilia to set (Y/n) up with Malleus.

Request by @nickson-lol.

"What is my dearest child doing out here at this hour?"

A scream escaped your lips as Lilia's familiar face suddenly appeared in front of your face, upside down, of course. He was dangling from a sturdy branch of the tree under which you were sitting, trying to sleep but unable to do so because of the horrible nightmares that plagued you every night. You had thought that fresh air might do you some good, not having expected to encounter Diasomnia's vice dorm leader at such an hour.

"Lilia... you just gave me a heart-attack..." you huffed out as you crossed your arms, watching as he landed on the ground in front of you, and shuffled over. A big grin was on his lips as he sat down next to you, humming to show you that he understood very well.

"Nightmares?" he inquired curiously, that mischievous grin like always on his lips. He extended his hand to pat your head, and you would have slapped his wrist away if it weren't for the peace that his gesture brought you. "Is there a specific reason for you being plagued by nightmares?"

"Not sure...." you said, yawning even though you didn't feel the slightest tired. Leaning your head against the old bat's shoulder, you closed your eyes in an attempt to succumb to slumber. Surprise: it didn't work. "It might be the stress getting to me. It's harder than it looks to always have to make sure Ace and Deuce don't burn down the school."

"My poor little child..." he cooed as the grin on his lips widened. He put a finger to his chin, playfullying tapping his bottom lip. "Luckily for you, Lilia knows just the right remedy!"

"A cup of hot milk and honey?" you asked lazily, not bothering to sit up. Lilia exhaled dramatically as he wagged his finger in front of your eyes, not bothered by the fact that your droopy eyelids were preventing you from seeing.

"Uh... no... it's a bedtime story! The children always used to love those when they were little — even Sebek, hehe." Nostalgia flashed across Lilia's face as he put his hands to his chest, exhaling in utter fondness with a certain sheam over his glowing eyes. For a moment, his youthful face showed wisdom of centuries before that little spark quickly disappeared again. "Malleus' favourite were stories with dragons, Silver's were ones with animals, and Sebek always loved tales with knights!"

You pried one eye open, realising that you had nothing to lose if sleep wouldn't come to you, anyway. Maybe listening to one of Lilia's stories would take care of the horrible boredom plaguing you. "That sounds great, Lilia! Thanks so much..."

"It's nothing, dear! Now, come to me," he cooed as he patted his lap, prompting you to lie down and put your head into his lap. The fabric of his pants wrinkled up, but he didn't really care. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yes..." you trailed off as your eyes fluttered close at the feeling of his delicate hand running through your hair.

"Good good... now..." Lilia's chest rumbled for a moment. "Which fairy tale do I tell you?"

"Tell me your personal favourite."

"Oho, this is going to be interesting! Okay... I know just the one!" A giant grin on his lips, his glowing eyes stared down at your peaceful face. Giggling to himself, he asked, "Ready?"

You merely hummed, feeling the soothing effect of his presence already.

"This tale is as old as time... In my very early childhood, I vividly remember someone telling me this exact story!" Lilia took a deep gulp of air, and adjusted the way his legs extended before he began telling, "A long time ago, a beautiful princess lived in the Kingdom of Ramshackleria. Her name was— uh... I forgot her name; let's just call her The Princess!"

"Was she kind?" you asked, your lips moving sluggishly.

Lilia started to grin as he took in your peaceful face. "Oh yes, very much so! Throughout the continent of Nox Corvus, she was well-liked and admired. She made friends everywhere... even managing to befriend a mysterious individual whom everyone was afraid of!" He paused dramatically, before he continued in an even more mysterious tone, "This individual was a strange one, always quiet and shying away from other humans — and others kept their distance from him, too... because they knew he was powerful."

"Oh? Poor guy..." you mumbled, your lips pulling down into a frown.

Lilia nodded energetically as he continued running his hand through your hair. "Yes, very poor guy, indeed. But! He found a good friend in The Princess since she was not afraid of him in the slightest bit. The Princess knew her worried parents would never allow her to interact with such a feared individual, so they kept their friendship a secret."

"I see..."

"The man whom she quickly grew fond of was a powerful sorcerer — but that wasn't everything! He possessed a pair of beautiful horns, and pointed ears! His name was Mal—" Lilia cut himself off before he could continue, stammering out, "Uh... Mal..."

"Malcolm?" you asked, causing Lilia to hum happily.

"Yes! Malcolm!" A relieved sigh escaped his lips before he returned to the tale at hand. "Sorcerer Malcolm was an outcast during his visits in the Kingdom of Ramshackleria... and everyone hated him — everyone but The Princess!"

"That's so cute..." A smile appeared on your lips, one that made Lilia happy, too. His heart was bubbling with excitement! Oh, this fairy tale was simply too good to be kept to himself...

"It gets even cuter! Their friendship eventually blossomed into romance, and they loved each other dearly. Malcolm was very fond of The Princess, and he couldn't ever imagine living his life without her — she felt the same way as he."

Sighing, you knew tragedy was going to strike — or else this would be one very short story. "Something's gonna happen, right?" you asked, perking up, only to be gently pressed back down again by Lilia's hands.

"Yes, soon tragedy struck! The Princess' parents, Queen Sleeps-A-Lot and King Screams-A-Lot, soon caught onto her relationship with the enigmatic man." Lilia gasped loudly, causing your heart to sink in dread. "What would the public think once they found out that their precious daughter had fallen for some shady sorcerer? So, they forbade her from ever seeing him again! Oh no!"

"Oh no!" you repeated, feeling too excited to fall asleep now. In your chest, you heart was thumping heavily. "Are they gonna run away together?"

"Well, it turns out that Sorcerer Malcolm wasn't just any sorcerer... he was the King of Insomnia, a powerful kingdom on the far other end of Nox Corvus! There were six other countries separating the Kingdom of Insomnia and Ramshackleria!" Lilia continued patting your head, hoping to calm you down. You were the farthest from sleeping right now with the way your hand clutched onto the fabric of his pants in anticipation. "In King Malcolm's rage that he was forbidden to see his beloved again, he turned into a scary dragon and made his way to abduct his treasure."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "...King Malcolm abducted The Princess?"

Lilia began to giggle as he nodded sheepishly. Exhaling in fondness, a dreamy smile appeared on his lips. "Oh yes! The very genius and handsome General Lilius of Insomnia advised him to do so, and of course King Malcolm listened to him. Why wouldn't he?"

"Does General Lilius have short black hair with pink streaks?" you asked, mischief written all over your face. Lilia's breath hitched a little bit at your inquiry, and his fingers curled around a particular strand of hair to tug at it, as if he was scolding you. You winced slightly as you began to grin, burying your face in his lap.

"Yeah! How did you know?" Lilia asked, his tone not having changed one bit. Yet, you couldn't see the grin on his lips. "Anyway, let's go on... so, King Malcolm of Insomnia — also known as The Dragon — abducted The Princess of Ramshackleria and brought her back to his kingdom, so that she could marry him."

You weren't sure whether to swoon or to shudder in fear. "How did Queen Sleeps-A-Lot and King Screams-A-Lot react to their daughter going missing?"

"King Screams-A-Lot screamed a lot and Queen Sleeps-A-Lot slept through the whole ordeal." Lilia shrugged, laughing softly before he adapted his story-teller voice again. "Still, they sent out their most legendary knight to retrieve their daughter! This powerful warrior was Adeu— Adeu..." He came to a stutter, stuck on these two syllables.

"Adeus?" you asked innocently.

Again, Lilia nodded in utter relief at your creativity. He really was horrible with coming up with names despite telling these sorts of stories since centuries already. "Yes! It was the almighty and powerful knight Adeus, riding on his trusted steed, a big monster-cat creature called Jim!" He pulled his hands away from you to raise them to his lips to form a cone. He started to imitate the sound of thunderous horns and triumphant trumpets, and he was remarkably good. You laughed along, but still, the cat's name irked you a little bit.

"...Jim?" You furrowed your eyebrows, chortling. "A legendary monster cat is called Jim?"

"We could have gone with Kim or Tim or Hrim, too. But I liked the name Jim more— Anyway!" His way of overly pronouncing 'anyway' caused you to forget all of your suspicions as you hung to every word the bat was about to utter. You were completely at his mercy, and he knew it. "They sought out to retrieve The Princess from The Dragon's clutches. They had to travel through all other six countries of Nox Corvus! First, Adeus and Jim fought a tyrannical and maniacal queen, then they defeated a lazy emperor..."

"Wow, how interesting!" you said, in awe of his abilities of making a story seem so lively.

"Third came a greedy merchant who had ensnared the whole Kingdom of Atlantica with his charm! On their fourth stop, they defeated a powerful wizard who attempted a coup to overthrow the Sultan of Agrabah!"

"Wow..." you cut him off. Your finger impatiently drumming against his outstretched legs, you let out a little hum. "And what happened to The Princess and The Dragon?"

Lilia let out a little chuckle at how impatient you seemed to be. "I still have two kingdoms to go through, but okay... if you're so curious as to what happened to The Princess all this time, I shall be merciful!" For a moment, Lilia was left pondering about where to take the story next, although he knew how and where it would end. "At first, The Princess did not realise that The Dragon was actually her precious lover, King Malcolm. She didn't even know that he was King of Insomnia! She only knew him as Sorcerer Malcolm."

"How did she deal with it once she found out?" you asked in utter excitement as you bundled up some of the frills on his clothes to twirl them between your fingers.

"The Princess at first felt very betrayed..." Lilia whispered, almost as if he was a little bit sad. Keeping his voice low, he brought his lips closer to your ears, as if hypnotising you with his words. "But she did understand why she was taken from her kingdom. After all, she still loved King Malcolm with all her heart, and was happy that they could be together now."

"Aww, how cute!" You closed your eyes, and a smile formed on your lips. "So, they stayed together?"

Lilia hummed happily as he straightened his back again, softly running his hand through your locks. "Yes, King Malcolm was very happy that he no longer had to be alone, and The Princess of Ramshackleria was very glad to have been reunited with her soulmate again."

"What happened to Adeus and Jim?"

Lilia shrugged, and his tone turned a little bit bored. "Eh, they're unimportant... they died somewhere on their adventure—" he said, his voice turning slightly demonic at the end. "And if they didn't, General Lilius would make sure that they returned to the Kingdom of Ramshackleria empty-handed."

"...That's meek," you murmured, frowning. Seeing your expression, Lilia began to tickle you to get that scowl off your face. It worked, and soon you were flopping around in his lap like a fish on land.

"Well? At least The Princess — now The Queen of Insomnia — and King Malcolm had many children and lived in a happy marriage!" Lilia's smile turned into a grin that seemed overly excited — to the point where it gave off scary and predatory vibes. "And most importantly out of all, this resulted in a lot of precious grandchildren for General Lilius!"

"General Lilius really wants those grandchildren... huh..." you mused obliviously, not realising that your words held more meaning to them.

Lilia let out a satisfied hum with deeper intentions. "Oh, you won't believe how much he wants them and what he'd do to get them."

#twisted wonderland #twst x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #lilia x reader #twst lilia #twst lilia vanrouge #disney twisted wonderland #reader insert #y/n #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst malleus draconia #malleus x reader #female reader

[kkusuka]

Haikyuu kinks setter eddition <33

here is the ace eddition 

here is the Middle blocker version

Includes: Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru, Sugawara Koshi, Atsumu Miya, Semi Eita, Shirabu Kenjiro, Kanji Koganegawa, Akaashi Keji, Kenma Kozume,  Yahaba Shigeru and  Keishin Ukai

Cw: pet play, degradation, humiliation, cock warming, cuckolding, bare baking, public sex, photography,   (those are the more serious one, every thing else should be fine <3) 

and here we go!

oh he is so pretty

Kageyama Tobio

Oral

It goes both ways too

He could append the rest of his life in between your thighs and that’s that

But that would mean missing the slice of heaven you give him when you go down on him

And he doesn't think he could live without that, you're just that good 

Little secret for you : he will literally be putty in your hands if you suck his balls, it will literally send him into outer space 

Vanilla sex

NOT IN THE BAD WAY

HE LIKES IT FOR A GOOD REASON

DON’T KILL ME

He just likes to be in love with you 

It's his awkward version of love making, but he’ll burn up if you call it that

Just looking you in the eyes and softly thrusting in you 

Holding your hand 

Soft kisses and whispers of love 

AWWW he’s so soft for you.

Cockwarming 

This is really only foe when he wants to have sex

But also wants to watch old tapes of volleyball games

Normally tricks you into it, he’ll say he wants to fuck on the couch, y’all start to do it and he just stops gets you on his lap and watches

You don't like that too much

But when he harshly thrusts up everytime you whine telling you he won't let you cu for a week

Then you start to behave

But no worries he’ll eventually let you grind on him like whore, and he’ll play with your nipples until you've came

Your still not moving tho

Sensory deprivation 

This is a control tactic 

He goes all you for this

When he wants control he gets it 

The most common thing when this side of Kags comes out is having you kneel on the floor

Well kneeling with your legs tied in the position, your arms tied behind your back

with earmuffs and a blindfold

With a vibrator torturing your poor hole. 

Oh! And either a spider gag or a ball gag!

It's just you and never ending pleasure until he wants to indulge <3

(look at him walking, he does it so well) 

Oikawa Tooru

Public sex & Humiliation

Specifically riding 

Sitting you on his lap and pretending nothing is going on, while he’s really 8 inches deep

He’ll make you reach down and folder his ball to help HIM get off, for you? Well i guess you’ll just have to bounce a bit now wont you!

Knowing that to everyone else you two just look like a regular couple enjoying a bowl of ramen makes him love defiling you in public even more. 

Aw. Are you embarrassed? You can’t be that ashamed if your fucking yourself on me

You never know how far he will take it either

One time when you were at dinner with Tooru and some of his friends, he had sat you in his lap and spread your legs for them to see

You were so embarrassed, even more when he started cooing in your ear about how much of a show whore you were

You couldn't look his friends in theirs eyes for a few hours

Gangbangs/ Cuckolding 

You already know he believes in sharing is caring!

And he sure knows how to share!

You're just too perfect to not share with Makki, Mattsun, and Iwa!

And have you seen his friends, you’d like to give it a try

And he practically begged you to do it, and you can't deny a pretty boys puppy dog eyes

No one can deny the puppy dog  eyes

He never thought anything could beat the feeling of being on the court, but seeing you trying to fit Mattun in your weeping hole and deepthroating iwa may just do the trick

Watching his friends fuck you may just be his favorite pass time

Cum eating 

H e  i s  a  w h o r e 

He tries to tell you it's to make you “clean” 

Yup, he sucks all of his friends cum out of you to make sure you're all his. 

Oh! Sometimes Iwa will cum in your mouth and make Tooru make out with you until all the cum is gone between the two of you!

Praise 

This is practically in all aspects of life

But when hes fucking you he wants to hear how amazing he’s making you feel

Yeah, his dick hits that perfect spot doesn't it? 

He wants to hear it

He wants to hear EVERYTHING 

His hips feel good against your thighs? Say it and loudly too!

Sugawara Koshi

Slight pet play

He really just wants someone to take care of

And what better way to do that then have his puppy by his side. 

And it keeps him grounded

He’ll be all frustrated then he just looks at you

On your knees looking back up at him

And all of a sudden everything is ok again. 

Body worship 

Mostly from him to you

He just thinks you are so perfect

Sometimes he just wants you to stirp so he can spend hours just exploring your body

He’ll lay you down and just tell you how beautiful you are over and over

When he’s in a caring mood everything he does will be accompanied with a sweet compliment 

Just let him do his thing <3

Caregiver 

We saw this coming 

Suga-momma will do anything for you

Had a bad day, ok he’ll let you use his cock to get off

You’ll feel better. 

But, this is everyday life too

He sometimes helps dress you up.

He packs your lunch for work,  always with a little note expressing his love for you

He just loves to know that you are comfortable and that you feel loved by him all the time. 

Slight medical / doctor 

I just feel like he wants you to be “healthy” 

He’ll have a whole set up too

He’ll strap your legs up and “examine” his baby

And once he is sure all is well, 

He’ll just fuck you then and there

if only he were real

Atsumu Miya

Dirty talk / Degradation 

This is literally cannon-

He calls you all the names in to book

The favorite? He can't bring himself to choose 

They all have different tones!

He does like to use “Cocksleve” more than often!

If you didnt know any better you would truly believe that he only thinks of you as a hole to fuck. 

“ yes, clench just like that Cum-rag, you're too good at this”

“God, you’re hole loves my cock, i should just keep you here and fuck you or the rest of your life, leave you dripping in my cum all day and night” 

He just LOVES doing this act

"Are you my slut?"

"Yes"

"Tell me you're my slut"

"I'm your slut"

"Say it again"

"I'm your slut"

He could live just hearing that everyday (not really but he says it to show how happy he is-) 

Overstimulation  

A built in ego boost

He loves seeing you messy and  begging

He doesn't even listen to what you're begging. More? Stop? 

Yeah well he doesn't listen anyway, he’ll do it until he wants to stop

Just hold your legs up, let him see your slutty hole and let him work

He’ll make you feel good, he always does :)

Dacryphilia  

You just look so goddamn pretty

He literally makes you cry to get to comfort you

As in comfort i mean fuck you to sleep

He doesn't do it that often but he always makes it worth it when he does

Is it bad that he likes to have you sob on his dick?

He’s not a monster tho!

Your consent is key!

(we stan a king) 

Pet play 

Puppy

He has a full leash for you

But when he feel especially cold he makes you eat on the floor 

And out of a bowl :(

But only when he’s in a seriously bad mood, but just having you listen to him so weak makes him feel so much better!

Just let him indulge in this, it makes him feel better that he’s in control 

Extra little thing for tsumu

He records you two 

He doesn't even bother to put them in a hidden folder either

They are just in between all the regular pictures

AND he screenshots your  your nudes, prints some of them out and tapes them to his wall

Samu thinks you look very nice :)

he his the meaning of pretty

Akaashi Keji

Toys 

He loves to have you rides dildo in front of him

Or he’ll have a bullet vibrator in you while grocery shopping.

He plugs you up anytime he’s not in you. 

You can bet that if he’s not fucking you you're either fucking yourself, or being fucked by a little machine

And there is a method to his madness

But he will never tell you

He does all of this to see you, he likes to watch you and all your faces

You just look so adorable clenching your eyes shut and blabbering about nothing 

He just like basking in your beauty  

Oh he is so precious (and so are you) 

Light bondage 

He really only does this to show control

He can't let you get too full of yourself now

You’re still all his.

And he’ll put you in your place any second

He gives you control, and you need to play by the rules

If not. He’ll just tie you up and not look at you for as long as he see fits

You should’ve just listened to him

Cockwarming  

Akaashi is constantly working!

Sometimes he just wants you near him when he gets his work done

You’re also a calming factor to him

Sometimes he get so stressed and can only respond to it by thrusting into you a few times and kissing hickeys into your neck

But after the first time, he fell in love with it!

Watching a movie? 

He wants to be in you

But he’ll hug you close and press you against him, and he’ll cuddle into you

You guys have even fallen asleep while doing it

(oh to fall asleep while cockwarming Akaashi) 

Cuckolding  

Again, he works so much

And sometimes he just doesn’t have the energy to fuck you :(

Well thankfully, he has a best friend who is always very pent up and ready to fuck!

He could tell you weren't sure at first but after him reassuring it was fine and being non-stop fucked for 3 hours by a professional volleyball player

He could tell you liked it. 

So, when he feels like he won't make you feel as good as he can, Bokuto is already on the phone walking out of his apartment!

like a little potted plant

Kenma Kozume

Cockwarming 

Gamer boy wants you as close to you for as long as possible. 

Sometimes he resents that he streams because he can't have you on his dick

You also help to manage his game ginger

When you're there he doesn't yell as much or throw is controller 

Instead he places the remote down, he takes a deep breath and hugs you

He’s like a cat when he gets like this

He’ll be nestled in your neck- practically purring

Before continuing his game.. 

Cuckolding 

In simple terms 

He likes watching Kuroo fuck you

Like he REALLY likes seeing Kuroo dick you down

We all know he’s not the confrontational type, so when you’re being bad, his only opinion is to call his best friend

He cat tell you like it too because you take any chance you can to act up

But he always makes sure they you know your all his before the end of the night. 

Photography 

Being someone whose life revolves around social media 

It is absolutely no surprise that he likes to have visal pieces of you to take with him wherever he goes. 

 He specifically likes mirror nudes, with those cat ear thigh highs that he got you.

You remember one time he went on a trip to another city and asked you to send him some stuff

And in return he sent a little video of him jacking off, and thus it became a tradition every time you were away from the other. 

Slight Pet play

Mostly leashes collars and pet names. 

he does not take it that far,but he likes to know his kitten listens to him.  

The worst it got was when he put a dog leash on you and walked you around the apartment when Kuroo was over

You did receive the teasing of your life but good kittens don't speak

And you oh so desperately wanted to be a good Kitten for Kenma. 

tounge

Semi Eita

Under the influence 

You and I both know this man smokes-

And smoking just happens to make him horny

Like really horny

And if you're there next to him he’s not gonna jack off??

You guys have sex almost every time he smoke

And when you smoke? 

Oh he just cant help himself, you look so pretty eyes glazed over 

He’ll make you say so so much better. 

Recording

He has a folder on his computer

And another on his phone

And all saved to his cloud

Of what? 

Videos of you fucking

And a select few of sucking his dick

And what does he do with all of these? 

He watches them, sometimes with you in the room

Like you too are hanging out and suddenly he’s on his computer watching you bounce on his dick. 

Nudes

Clearly he likes to have you naked on a screen somewhere

And when he’s in public he can't exactly start watching homemade porn

so , he has a solution!

Make you send as many nudes as you can before he has to go out!

He has no shame for it either

One of your more “artistic” photos became his lockscreen

Which you begged him to remove considering his bandmates had begun to make comments about it. 

Hair pulling 

He does it all the time

And he does it  so hard too

Every time he hits from behind

His hand is on your head and already pulling 

Or when you suck him off

I'll pull your hair up, then push your whole head back down 

And repeat. 

oh my god i am in love with him

Shirabu Kenjiro

Degradation 

This man has a mouth

And a mean one 

AND a killer attitude

And he spares you none of that. 

He ridicules and demands, dehumanizes, and you love it

“Admit you’re just a whore, getting off on being a hole. Disgusting” 

Over the weekends, why you have nothing to do, he makes you stay around the house completely naked 

“You're flaunting all you have like a prostitute, that's what you want right? O be used like a street whore?” 

He’s just a mean guy :p

Humiliation

It just makes sense at this point

He really likes to makes you take off your panties when you wear skirts in public

Then he likes to have you bend down and grab things for him

Or 

He’ll have you sit, man spreading, but the catch is there is a huge hole in your pants, so anyone at the right angle can see everything. 

Of course none of this goes without witty comments and insults from bang boy. 

Bondage 

He loves having you weak in front of him

It’s a total power trip for him

Like everything the two of you do, it consist of you being a good whore and him being a big ole meanie

He’ll leave you tied up for hours with a fuck machine pounding your poor hole

Or hell have you with a spider gag in and he’ll make you grind into the floor

He’ll laugh at you 

Record you and he’s even sent videos of youtube some of his old teammates

This one time, he had you tied up to your bedpost and just left, he walked out of the room and you didn't even know how long it was until he came back. 

Pet play

You were mouthing off to him? Oh no they won't do

He pretty much uses it as leverage against you

Good pets so mouth off do they? 

No? What I thought.

Its a form of punishment mostly

Keeping you kneeling on the floor below him for hours while he studies

He makes you eat down there

And he’ll pet your head, but if you even think about leaning into it, he’ll stop 

He’s so mean :(

bird boiiiii

Kanji Koganegawa

Pegging 

He’s a baby

A pretty baby, that anyone would like a chance to ruin. 

He probably didn't even know what is was and still agreed, but no he begs for it

And who are you to deny your baby? 

It was kinda hard at first considering he was so big, but you managed, and are very good at making him cum, like really really good. 

Hand kink 

He really just likes to see how much bigger his hands are 

He’ll grab your handd and thread your fingers together, your hands are just so soft, opposite of his

He also likes to stick his fingers in your mouth and likes when he gets to suck on yours. 

Ddlb / Dmlb

There is no explanation other then he’s baby

And he needs to be taken care of, before he dose something stupid 

And you love taking care of your overgrown baby :)

He’s all smiley and cute when you do!

How could you resist? 

his grandpa is hotter but whatever 

you didnt see that.

Keishin Ukai

Public sex

In his store 

On the counter

Five Minutes before closing time 

It cannon

It's the risk factor for him, anyone can just walk in and see you fall apart on his cock

It's actually happened before, Shin wanted to do it and you agreed but didn't expect Takeda to waltz in and look directly at you. 

Yeah he immediately came then shoved you onto the floor to hide you from Ittetsu’s prying eyes

Daichi has also heard the two of you fucking in the gym storage closet, but chose not to say anything. 

Barebacking

It's like a primal urge to him

Condoms are annoying ang time consuming, you guys are gonna be together anyways might as well let him fill you like a good fuck toy

When he cums in you he also doesn't let you clean it out

He makes you stand there, face three inches away from your core, and watches his cum drip from you

Condoms won't let him do that, will they?

Humiliation

I mean he’s into fucking you in public, so this is pretty much a must at this point

He puts you in these positions so you have no choice but to be embarrassed

I mean what kind of slut like getting fucked in plain sight?

When you go out with him he makes you wear all these ridiculous outfits that practically show everything

And he makes fun of you when they look! 

Pornography 

Yes as in homemade porn

Why would he keep you all to himself?

Everyone deserves to experience that

And people love you!

If the thousands of comments and requests say anything about it!

oh to do that to Maddog

Yahaba Shigeru

Choking 

We all saw the scene with Maddog 

Come on, he’ll do that to anyone

I feel like he just likes seeing his hands around your neck. 

He likes how fail you are and how is ands just wrap around your neck

He knows where to squeeze too

He’ll hold your pressure point to the pint you think your gonna pass out

Light BDSM

Nothing to crazy, he likes having you tied up and ready that's all

Maybe eagle spread on the bed?

Or hell have you kneeling next to him, arms tied behind your back mouth ready and opened

The possibilities are endless

Fingering 

He likes his hands- 

But it's mostly about you

Seeing your hole up close

It sucking his fingers, like a good hole should

Plus he has better control with his fingers, so he hits all the good spots over and over until yout crying <3

#kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #oikawa toru #oikawa x reader #kageyama smut #oikawa smut #sugawara kōshi #sugawara x reader #atsumu miya #atsumu x reader #atsumu smut #sugawara smut #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #akaashi smut #kenma #kenma kozume #kenma x reader #kenma smut #semi x reader #semi eita #shirabu kenjirou #shirabu x reader #haikyuu koganegawa #koganegawa smut #koganegawa x reader #ukai keishin #ukai x reader #yahaba shigeru #yahaba x reader

[beebbg]

hi hi hiii could you do a karube nsfw alphabet please? i don’t think i’ve ever seen one for him :( btw i really liked your chishiya & niragi headcanons!! i hope you write more for alice in borderland 😊😊

This mans is underrated istg, anyways, yeah. Thanks, Bub. I’ll make sure to write more.

Warning: Nsfw, cursing

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

For Karube he would do anything for his S/o. They need a bath? he’s scooping them up and bringing them to the bath tub. You hungry? He’ll bring some snacks you like.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

For him he likes his arms, they’re pretty strong I mean, have you seen this mans knock the boss out like it was night time-

I feel like he’s an ass man so yeah. He doesn’t care how big or small it is. He just likes to squish it and slap it like it’s smile. (I’m so fucking sorry)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Since he’s an ass man he likes to cum on your ass, not that much inside though

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

The first time he met you he thought you were pretty hot, cue him getting hard. Once you left he went into the back and jacked off thinking about you. He hasn’t told you yet but maybe one day when he remembers.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He probably seen some porn and stuff but irl I don’t think he’s that experienced, maybe even be his first time with you idk

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Like I said ass man so he’ll probably like doggy style or reverse cowgirl

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not really goofy during the moment but he likes to crack a joke here and there just to lighten the moment yk

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I feel like he didn’t really shave until you two started dating, just in case the time would come

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He wants to be in the mood so yeah he can be pretty romantic ig

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Should I jack off Eh he doesn’t do it much but still if he needs to he’ll probably find a way to be alone (just ask Arisu for the idea). I feel like he once did it when you were sleeping too.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I don’t think he’ll have any so ig nothing

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Let’s say this mans survived and he’s at the beach, he would most likely do it with you in the rooms, he’ll just pull you away and take you to a room

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

At the beach you have to wear bathing suits, well that’s the thing, seeing you in a bathing suit would click him on in an instant. Don’t catch him staring at your ass though-

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would never hurt you so anything that has to do with pain on his S/o is a big no for him. Also body fluids big no for him too.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes receiving. Your mouth can work wonders on his dick and he loves it, when it comes to you he doesn’t know what to do most of the time but he’s pretty good. Just let him know that.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He starts off slow and ends fast, he gets sloppy once he’s close too.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t do it often but y’all need to he’s down for it. He likes taking his time with you though so that’s why it doesn’t really happen much, just pray he doesn’t get hard in a game.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Nah, it isn’t worth it. It’s embarrassing just thinking about getting caught fucking somewhere, that’s why he likes to be alone.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

1 or 2 rounds, he lasts for about 30 minutes to an hour.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I don’t think he’ll use toys, but if you want to then he’ll give it a try.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t really tease unless he’s in the mood to, he thinks you little whines for him are cute.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he isn't very loud maybe some small grunt here or there. Once he gets close he lets out a few curses and may get louder.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

randomly he'll just slap your ass.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Karube is pretty average not too thick but not too skinny, and a little curved.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not that high, he isn't like other people Niragi and he's pretty tamed, but when it happens it mostly happens at the wrong times (games)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he doesn't get tired that fast so he does stuff for his S/o until he gets tired. If you're like me and you're tired all the time he'll lay with you till you fall a sleep.

R.I.P to my mans Karube

#alice in borderland #alice in boderland x reader #karube x reader #aib imagine #aib fanfic #aib scenarios #aib smut

[yamalegacy]

N/SFW ALPHABET to start things off on this blog, here’s a quick little kinky headcanon post for my favorite yama trinity; mt. lady, midnight and mirko, with the letters used to spell their hero names! 

here’s the link to the alphabet prompt (inspired by several that i’ve found here and there) if you want to send in a request for any letter and character i write for (list here if you need it) go for it!

⚠️ MDNI not so casual reminder for minors to not interact with this post ⚠️

MT. LADY ( takeyama yū )

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

extremely sensitive and painfully easy to turn on. you barely have to try to turn her on most of the time, really. run your fingers on her inner thighs, grab her by the waist, whisper in her ear about what you want to do to her and she’ll be ready to go. yū will complain a lot if you do it in public, but that’s only because it gets her turned on in record time! hearing your voice, your praises, spurs her on better than anything else.

T — TALK ( what is their dirty talk like? )

yū isn’t necessarily the best with words; she’s all for kisses and touches. but if you’re touching her the right way, she’ll tell you how good you are. she won’t hesitate to tell you that she’s all yours and that she’s wet just for you.

L — LOCATION ( what is their favorite place to have sex? )

being the pillow princess that she is, yū will always favor a comfortable bed over anything else, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy sex in other places. the two of you have become well acquainted with the couch at her agency (which has led to some awkward situations when you realized too late that you weren’t actually alone in the building).

A — AFTERCARE ( what are they like after sex? )

she is a bottom through and through and a pillow princess, so get ready to have to take care of her because she gets even lazier than usual after a good fuck. she can get whiny and demanding, asking for a bath or tea or both, but you’ll always be rewarded with cuddles and kisses. if she doesn’t fall asleep, that is.

D — DREAMS ( do they have sex dreams? what kind? how do they react? )

fairly regular kinky dreamland visitor. yū hates her sex dreams though. she always wakes up just when things are getting good, so she wakes up wet, needy and desperate every time. if you aren’t sleeping together that night, she’ll send you messages to complain, or even call you, hoping for a quickie over the phone. if you’re in her bed, she won’t care what time it is, she’ll wake you up and demand that you make her come. if you ignore her and go back to sleep, be ready to deal with a grumpy pro hero all day long (poor kamui woods has heard her complain about it way too many times and wishes he could forget everything she’s told him, especially that one time she dreamed about a threesome with you and him).

Y — YEARNING ( how desperate do they tend to be? )

mt. lady is queen of yearning. she’s also queen of pretending that she doesn’t miss you all the time. if work takes over her life for a few days and she can’t see you for a while, you can expect her to just be glued to you the second she sees you again. she’ll be extra needy and probably want to ride your thigh. she wouldn’t be able to let you go. and yet she’ll try (and fail) to pretend like she didn’t miss you and wasn’t desperate to feel you again.

MIDNIGHT ( kayama nemuri )

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

you. your existence is her biggest turn on (especially if you’re quite a few years younger than her). there’s nothing nemuri wants to see more than your face when she makes you come, nothing she loves to hear more than your moans and sobs as she overstimulates you. watching you squirm and struggle when she’s touching you in public? a whole delicious meal for her. but the secret to making her dripping wet is getting on your knees and begging, begging her to touch you, to fuck you.

I — INTIMACY ( how caring are they during/after sex? )

despite being the r-rated hero and loving rough sex, nemuri can be surprisingly gentle and soft with you, even in bed. she loves you and she never hesitates to tell you, even with two fingers knuckle deep inside of you. she will look at you in the eyes and smile and whisper reassuringly, hold your hand and intertwine your fingers, kiss you, kiss your tears away.

D — DREAMS ( do they have sex dreams? what kind? how do they react? )

forever disappointed that she doesn’t have that many sex dreams is what she is. she isn’t all that bothered though, she definitely compensates with daydreaming about fucking you. she’d much rather have the real deal anyway. when she does have a good sex dream though? she will tell you everything in details to fluster and tease you.

N — NOPE ( any turn offs or hard limits? )

if you catch her in a good mood, after having struck her youth-loving self the right way, nemuri might indulge you and let you top, but never ever except to be able to tie her down or blindfold her. don’t even think about bringing it up. don’t expect her to submit to you, no matter the position, she needs to always be in control and she will be in control.

G — GRAB ( where do they like to have their hands on you the most? )

everywhere, anywhere. she grabs your hands or your waist when she doesn’t want to be rough with you. when things are heating up though? her grip on your hips or your ass will be harsh enough to leave red marks on your skin. if you’ve been particularly bratty, she thinks her fingers belong around your throat.

H — HOT & BOTHERED ( what are they like when turned on? )

unlike when she gets excited seeing good sportsmanship among her students, a turned on nemuri can keep the perfect poker face on. sometimes it’s frustrating how good she is at concealing her emotions and reactions. she favors your reactions and your desires over her own. and well, maybe she loves to see you squirm under her hard stare, maybe it turns her on even more. the most you’ll get out of her most of the time is small possessive gestures. if she’s leaving hickeys, or any sort of bruise on your skin, you know you’ve succeeded.

T — TALK ( what is their dirty talk like? )

you will have your pants and underwear charmed right off. if there’s someone who knows exactly what to say, it’s nemuri. she knows when to praise and tell you that you’re being good, and she also knows when to tell you that you’re being the perfect little slut for her. honestly, she’s probably going to try to make you come just from dirty talking and describing everything she would do to you to make you come apart for her. nemuri has a filthy mind and an even filthier mouth. 

MIR(U)KO ( usagiyama rumi )

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

lingerie. always and forever lingerie. she loves to see you looking all pretty and pampered for her, especially if she knows that you bought the lingerie for her. her favorite part might be the fact that she will get to wreck and just ruin you and your pretty little outfit. if you want to get her really riled up, kiss her neck as you ride one of those glorious muscular thighs of hers, she’ll forget how to think. rumi will forever refuse to acknowledge that if you touch her ears just right, you can make her a whimpering mess in no time; she’ll just pretend it’s not a thing.

I — INTIMACY ( how caring are they during/after sex? )

rumi is far from being the most gentle of lovers, but it’s not like you didn’t know what you were getting into with that one. she tends not to have the patience for the sweet softness of intimacy and prefers to get right to it. but she also has such a soft spot for you, especially when you become a sobbing, begging mess from overstimulation; that’s when she likes to hold you, cradle you in her arms and kiss your forehead. she is a pro at doing a 180° post sex though, and is the softest of bunnies once she’s had her share of orgasms.

R — ROMANCE ( do they like romantic gestures to set the mood? )

that's a no from rumi. not because she doesn't like the thought of romancing the crap out of you (she loves the thought), but she just doesn't know how. she also can't stand scented candles, her nose is too sensitive. and it's probably preferable not to leave petals near a bunny, you know... you tried once, but never again.

U — UNFAIR ( how much do they tease? )

little miss bunny hero doesn't know the meaning of fairness when it comes to your sex life. she has absolutely no mercy. if you can't keep quiet or if you blush easily, she won't hesitate to tease you in public until all you can do is glare at her or plead with your eyes. and no matter how impatient she can get, if she has the time, she will edge you forever. but you will always be rewarded with rumi.

K — KINK ( favorites? which ones do they keep secret? )

dominance, punishments and orgasm denial/edging. you're in for a wild ride with rumi because she will ruin you and you will love it. definitely some exhibitionist tendencies; she's eaten you out while you were on the phone more than once, she can't resist it, she just has to see how long you'll manage to be good for her and stay quiet. she is very open about what she likes and wants in general, but there's a couple exceptions, one of them being anal (mostly giving). it's something that she really wants to try with you, but isn't sure she should bring up. because, listen, bunny tail plug. that's it. rumi wants to see it so bad but she feels dumb.

O — ORAL ( do they like giving or receiving? a preference? )

while rumi enjoys both, it’s one of the few things where she’ll tend to prefer receiving, but that’s mostly because she gets to see your pretty face squished between her thighs, and if that’s not one of the most glorious sights ever, she doesn’t know what it is. this bunny will ride your face into oblivion. she still apologizes for that time she broke your nose and had to take you to the er

#mha x you #mha x reader #bnha x you #bnha x reader #mha smut #mirko x reader #mt lady x reader #midnight x reader #not me only now realizing that their hero names all start with a m just now #after realizing that they have the same kanji in their last name #i'm a slow cooker #i love them so much your honor #canon doesn't exist anymore tho #🍌 headcanons #⛰️ takeyama yu ( mt lady ) #🔞 kayama nemuri ( midnight ) #🐇 usagiyama rumi ( mirko ) #⚠️ mdni ⚠️

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for dating Rue Bennett

Rue Bennett x reader

warnings: its not 100% soft. its rue, so theres a lot of triggering content ahead, drugs, mental health/illness, alcohol, violence/fighting, nsfw(ish), and then some.

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “can i request a headcanon for dating rue bennett ??”

it wasn’t always easy, but you did love each other dearly

you had to look out for her (her mom had asked you to, anyway)

there were ups and downs to your relationship

lets start with the ups!

she couldn’t stand being away from you

“can we just cuddle in bed for a while? please? watch some netflix, too?” -rue

“duh, what else would we do?” -you, kissing her forehead

she loves ur kisses

but she also loves giving kisses

specifically when you’re feeling down because she likes to feel useful and cheering you up is like, the greatest reward to her

“rue....get off me....” -you

“not until you cheer” *kiss* “the fuck” *kiss* “up” -rue

“you cant make me” -you

“oh yes i can!” -rue, going koala mode and latching onto you while she peppers you with kisses until you cant hold in your laughter

you remind her to take her meds

no matter where you are

“babe, don’t forget to take your meds” -you

y/n ❤️: remember you meds! miss you! 😘😘

dear rue, please take your meds today. i love you! -y/n

at least she knew you cared

but she did get agitated you “didn’t trust her” sometimes

“babe, it’s not like that! i just want to make sure you—” -you

“i what? i become a fucking zombie? i don’t go fucking crazy and decide to go smoke crack or some shit? give me a goddamn break, y/n!” -rue

“i’m just looking out for you, rue” -you

“i don’t need you to look out for me, i can look out for myself!” -rue

“oh yeah, is that right? is that why your sister had to call 911 for you when you OD’d?” -you

“you know what? i don’t need this shit! get the fuck away from me! go!” -rue

but she’d usually come back to you in tears and apologize

unless you were in the wrong, if you were you’d give her some space and let someone know to keep an eye on her

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry. god, i don’t wanna drive you away, you’re the only person on my side. please forgive me, please” -rue

“i forgive you rue, it’s okay. come here” -you, letting her fall into your arms

her mom always had you over for dinner on fridays

and she communicated with you daily, either to check in on you yourself or let you know she needed help with rue

going to parties together, even if you didn’t enjoy them that much

“wanna find an empty room and have some fun?” -you

“yes i really fucking do” -rue

you two take turns sitting on each other’s laps

when rue OD’d, everyone reached out to you thinking she died, you had to clear it up without giving up too much of her business, but rumors still spread

and when rue was in rehab, you’d sleep over in her bed just to feel closer to her

gia kinda fought for rue’s attention at times, she was a lil jealous at how much the two of you hung out

but gia liked you still!! you were like family to her

“i really wish my dad could’ve met you. he wouldve liked you” -rue

“you don’t mention him that much, wanna talk about him?” -you

sometimes you and rue would stay up all night talking about anything

and just fall asleep mid sentence

you were very well informed when it came to her mental illness

sometimes you’d accidentally get into arguments with her mom while trying to explain what’s going on inside rue’s mind

“mrs. bennett, she can’t just stop having an episode! this isn’t something she’s doing on purpose, you have to understand that or else she’s never gonna get any better!” -you

“you are not her mother, i am! she’s fucking crazy, i’ve been dealing with the same old shit for seventeen years, you have no idea how bad she is!” -leslie

“but this isn’t helping her, it’s making it worse! what if you drive her away? all she wants is for you to try to understand what she’s going through and let her know that you’re there for her!” -you

“no, y/n, all she wants is to get high and kill herself” -leslie

you could tell when rue was getting worse

and when you found her stashes, you got pissed

“what the fuck is this?” -you, holding up pills

“are you going through my shit now?” -rue

“i was actually trying to find the forty bucks you stole from me, i just happened to find this” -you

“give that back, those are mine!” -rue

“no, no, no! i believe i paid for these, didn’t i? why don’t i have some?” -you

“dont you fucking dare” -rue

“why not? are you worried for me or for your pills? which is it?” -you

she talked about you when she went to NA

and how much you meant to her

and how she thought you were disappointed in her

and how bad she felt that she was “dragging you down”

but how you’d always lift her up and she didn’t know if she could live without you

ali told her that relationships wouldn’t be good for her right now, especially if she depended on you like that

but she didn’t give a FUCK she’d just love you harder

and honestly you guys always bounced back

sometimes she’d even set up “date night” which was usually just eating ramen in her room, watching r-rated movies, dancing in the dark, getting naked (or just shirtless), and making out

whatever works for yall amirite

but the way you two held each other was something that others should envy

and you’d never get tired of seeing each other smile

**disclaimer: don’t romanticize mental illness and addiction and don’t force yourself into a relationship with someone just to help them with their struggles! have a nice day/night!!**

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove //

#rue bennett #rue bennett imagine #rue bennett x reader #euphoria imagine #euphoria x reader #euphoria

[floresmarique]

THREAD: THE COBRA KAI BOYS AS BOYFRIENDS (SPICY STUFF INCLUDED)

Johnny;

You met him in a bar and he offered you a drink

Ended up having sex on the same night because the sexual tension was too much

He asked for your number the next day

"Would you like to do that again?"

You ended up dating

A G E G A P

When you found out he was teaching in a dojo, you wanted to join in but he snapped

"You are gonna be a distraction for me, babe"

Showed up anyway the next day at the dojo just for the sake of making him mad

He kept your relationship as a secret to his students

A N G R Y S E X I N H I S O F F I C E A T N I G H T

He likes to snuggle you before sleeping because he wants to feel you next to him

He's a soft bby when he's sleepy

He likes to see you wear his clothes

He made you wear his large black gi and laughed his ass off

He ✨railed you✨ right after that

Your arguments are mostly about him wanting to beat up someone and you trying to make him think about that

Sometimes you both have the same ideas and an apocalypse happens

He is ✨possessive✨

Likes to call you with pet names such as; babygirl, babe and, when's he's being really soft, also angel

Secretly dreams about your wedding and family

"I'd like our son to have your eyes, my hair colour and my physiognomy. He's gonna be a fucking badass."

When he's feeling good, he wakes you up in the morning with a breakfast he made himself

Most of the times the pancakes are burned but you still eat them to make him happy

He likes rough sex or to passionately make love to you

Has a kink for choking-

Likes when you get dominant

Sometimes he needs reassurance in the most inappropriate moments

"Babe, do you still love me?"

"Yes Johnny, i love you but we are at a funeral-"

He snores a lot and you have to slap his face in the middle of the night to make him stop

You have a kink for him with a beard

"Don't shave it- fuck me in that before"

He likes it when you call him "Sensei"

Your relationship is basically a comedy but you love each other to the core

Daniel;

You met him at the end of the 80s at the University

He spilled coffee on you by mistake and started to stutter

You chuckled and saw that he was an hottie so you didn't get mad

He tried to wipe the coffe away from you shirt with his jacket but made the situation worse

Accidentally touched your boobies and died inside

You both crushed on each other and started to hang out together

NEVER SEPARATED AFTER

He asked you to marry him after 3 years of relationship-

You obviously said yes

His mother showed you embarassing pics of him when he was younger

Daniel watched everything from afar with a 'i really want to sink into the floor and enter another dimension' glance

Your first time was sweet and intense

You then discovered that he was ✨KiNkY✨

You were sHoCkEd when you realized he had a daddy and choking kink

He likes lingerie on you

You know shit is about to go down when he returns home from work and stays silent till he gets close to you

"You were on my mind all day, love"

HE LIKES TO CALL YOU DIRTY NAMES TOO-

You like to spy on him while he is practicing his Karate skills

You literally begged for him to train you

He eventually tried to train you but you always ended up kissing and ✨fucking✨

Your arguments are about you getting mad at him because he forgets important things and him getting mad at you because you don't forgive him quickly

You give him the silent treatment when you're mad

He teases you till you start laughing and showers you with material gifts

"I'm sorry honey, can you please forgive me now?"

He doesn't snore when he sleeps but moves so much to the point of accidentally pushing you out of the bed

When you fall asleep while cuddling, he will stay in that position all night

Likes to see you with his button up shirts

He's the most romantic bby in the world

Your relationship is so good that is envied by many people-

Miguel;

You met him in a grocery store

While waiting in the line, he 'accidentally' bumped into you

"I like those cereals too!"

You started talking so much that when it was your turn, the cashier had to call you three times YELLING

He asked for your number out of the grocery store and immediately texted you when you turned your back to him to walk away

He made silly jokes just to make you laugh

When he saw you at school, you waved at him but he runned away while his two friends stood there confused

"Sorry, i wasn't mentally prepared to see you there, like that, it's a lot of pressure-"

You thought that it was pretty cute that he felt embarassed so you brushed it off

After two months he finally asked you to go on a date with him at the Arcade

Your first kiss was goofy and you bursted out laughing in his face

He then cupped your cheeks and gave you a vEry intense kiss

You were officially together after that

When you first visited his house, his grandma offered you a joint that you refused but it made you support her to the maximum-

Carmen treated you as you were already his wife-

When you first mentioned the word 'sex' to him, he started to sweat

You then realized he was an horny boy because whenever you touched him even just to caress him, he had an erection-

You both were unexperienced virgins

When you first gave him a blowjob he literally screamed

Your first time was slow and romantic

"Is this okay? Does it hurt?" Every five seconds

He felt a man after losing his v-card

He ALWAYS holds hands with you, even at school

After seeing you at the tournament to support him, he sent you a wink that made you squeal-

He celebreated the victory of the tournament with a party in your panties- (if u know what i mean)

He likes to send you sweet texts while you're sleeping so that you can read them the next morning and wake up with a smile

Arguments???? What are those????

He never wants to fight with you because he's too scared to lose you

He will let you know if something is bothering him anyway

He is a softie, what do you expect?

Tells you that he loves you at least 3 times a day

Relationship goals

Hawk;

He had a crush on you before becoming Hawk

Was literally too scared of rejection to ask you out but found the courage after he completely changed his whole vibe

You said yes, obviously

You went went out to eat and then had a walk while he rested his arm around your shoulder

Your first kiss was a full make out session-

He also grabbed your ass and you didn't mind-

When you told him that you liked him even before, he didn't believe you

He liked to act like a badass infront of the others but was completely vulnerable with you

He once cried while talking to you about his past and fell asleep in your arms right after

You liked to help him style his hair and you were also the one that dyed them everytime

Your first time with him happened during a make out session

He didn't use protection and you got mad at him for that

"Babeeee c'mon, i pulled out! the worst that can happen is a little Hawk, nothing bad about it"

He dies of jealousy everytime someones looks at you but acts like he doesn't care

You know he cares and you tease him about it-

Which leads to a very intense fuck-

His mother loves you SO MUCH

Literally so much that sometimes he jokes about it

"I think you love her more than you love me???"

You had just one serious argument and it was about you getting mad at him for how he treated his old friend acting like a bully

He told you to ✨fuck off✨

At 3:00 am he was knocking at your door crying desperately

"I'm sorry, please, i'm sorry"

You tried to act tough but when you saw him you started to cry too

He understood what you meant and listened to you

Your relationship has up and downs but your love is strong so you overcome every difficulty together

Demetri;

You met him in the Science Lab

"You know, i think that what you're doing is wrong and i know how to make it right"

Little did you know that he would have used the same mechanism with your heart too-

He wasn't the type that crushed over girls but when he saw you, not even his smart mind knew what was happening to him

He narrowed his eyes at you when you wanted to sit next to him at lunch

"Well if you want to get bullied then, you can sit here i guess"

He was too awkward to ask you out so he sent Miguel to talk to you-

The situation made you laugh so you accepted

Your first date was at your house because he told you he didn't like crowded places

You watched 'Tron:Legacy' and you loved to see how excited he got during the movie

You made the first move and kissed him

"Why did you do that?"

He stood up right after and headed to the bathroom

You heard him talk alone while you regretted your life decisions

After 20 minutes he returned in your room and kissed you before you could speak

People couldn't believe he was dating someone at first

He liked to show you off because he thought you were the prettiest girl he ever met

He still had troubles telling you everything

He got a ✨boner✨ everytime you hugged him

You never had the sex talk, it just happened

"Why are you on your knees- oh"

Having sexual experiences boosted his confidence

It really made him less of a smartass but also very paranoid

"What if you're pregnant now?"

"I swallowed, i can't get pregnant like this! I thought you were smarter than that."

Your first time was kinda awkward and short but you weren't surprised about it

As time went by, he started to get more comfortable with his sexuality and became a very gentle and passionate lover

He had his whole future with you all planned out

He loves to call you "Honey"

Your arguments are mostly about movies or books you both like

He takes them seriously tho and you kinda like to see him full of rage

"Just accept it, i'm right and you are wrong. I still love you anyway, honey"

It took him some time before he started to feel comfortable with cuddles

He doesn't like P.D.A because he prefers to have you all to himself without anyone watching

He likes to hold hands with you anyway

Your relationship is strong and everyone thinks you were both made for each other

Robby;

You first saw him at the tournament

You were in the Cobra Kai dojo-

You both shared som glances and at the end of the tournament you congratulated with him even tho he lost

He acted a little bit cold and just nodded

The day after he called his father just to ask about you-

Johnny knew what was up and helped him, combining the both of you

You are the main reason why Johnny and Robby got closer

When you found out your Sensei was his father, you understood why Robby was so hot-

Your first date was pretty chill and it was at the cinema

You both knew each other better, whispering in the middle of the movie

He was a flirt ALL THE TIME

But also a sweet bby

Your first kiss happened at the end of the night infront of your house

He went from "angel baby boy" to "your daughter calls me daddy too" very quickly

Johnny acted like it wasn't a big deal but asked about you two at least 2 times a week after training

Robby couldn't keep his hands to himself whenever you were around

You snogged EVERYWHERE when you had the opportunity

He invited you multiple times at his house since his mother was never around

You let him vent about his relationship with his parents and listen to him

Your first time happened on his couch

It started with you simply cuddling while watching a movie and then an heated make out session happened

It was slow and passionate with him whispering to you how much he loved you

When he told you he was a virgin before you and always lied, you didn't believe him

He is a sucker for P.D.A

You are both two jealous bastards and your arguments are mostly about jealousy

You were jealous of Sam and a big argument started because of that

He reassured you, telling you that he only had eyes for you

He secretly is a bottom most of the time-

But when he takes control, he will ✨rail you✨

He's proud of you and loves to show you off

He LOVES cuddles so much and can't sleep if he doesn't feel your fingertips in his hair-

Your meeting with his mother was awkward since she was with another man-

He is ✨protective✨ and will never let you get hurt

Loves to see you blush while he tells you sweet things

Got mad when you told him that you thought Johnny was hot

"He is my father!"

"Yeah and you both have the same DNA, so both hot-"

Gave you the silent treatment after but lost it when he found you with only one of his shirts on the bed-

He always has new ideas whenever you two hang out together

"We should go climbing-"

He is so romantic, like DAMN-

"I'm a gentleman in the streets and a beast in the sheets"

Calls you "babygirl" everytime

Your relationship is long lasting and never boring

Aaaaa this is my second thread lmao, hope you liked it- ♡

#cobra kai #karate kid #johnny lawrence #daniel larusso #eli moskowitz #miguel diaz #demetri cobra kai #robby keene #thread #boyfriend #spicy #fluff #billy zabka #hawk cobra kai

[velveticamoon]

AOT : HOLIDAY HEADCANONS

these totally weren’t supposed to go up yesterday ahaha- 

P.S: this is my first writing post!! i thought it would be an easier transition by writing hc’s, and i got my friend saniya (@bokesaniyaboke) to help me out with writing them, so i hope y’all enjoy :) (enjoy our 2 am chaos-)

i have more writing planned for the future too, and decided that i’ll be writing for: 

- attack on titan

- bungou stray dogs 

- free!

- fugou keiji: balance unlimited. 

don’t be shy to send in your requests, i’m more than happy to do them ;) 

anyways, i hope you guys enjoy, let me know if you want more! and to those of you that celebrated, hope you had a merry Christmas :) 

LEVI

Decorating the house with him!! Except he’d be trying to get out of doing it at first lol

He’d be pissed about the mess that would come with decorating the house 

But if you keep pestering him enough he’ll eventually give in lol 

He’d be very meticulous about which decorations go where, but you’re just gonna have to put up with that 

Pls don’t complain too much, he really wouldn’t be doing it with anyone else 

(in the words of saniya: “ur the only exception be happy about that)

Idk why but i feel like he’d be really good at hanging up the lights?? With the placement and whatnot? 

He probably has a very keen aesthetic eye i feel like (saniya: “pinterest but as a person vibes”)  

At the end of it, while y’all are sitting on the couch drinking some tea, he quietly mumbles how he likes the work you two did 

But you felt like teasing him and he got all huffy and said it louder, obviously calling you a brat right after cuz why wouldn’t he 

EREN 

Ask him to make gingerbread houses!! pls he’d be so excited about it 

He’d even go to the store himself and get all the supplies on his way home and you both wouldn’t waste a minute to start a baby

Look he’d start getting competitive (pls we all know how he is) and would turn it into a competition so be prepared for that lol 

But when his gingerbread house falls over he starts getting angry

Proceeds to drive to the company’s factory to break it down in his titan form (there’s no stopping him now) 

Gets Armin to join him and they smash the houses in their titan forms together LMFAOFNDND PLEASE IM WHEEZING- 

But for real, he’d probably get pouty, and turn into a whiny baby

Don’t call him out on it though he’ll just get even worse lol  

Shower him with kisses right after and he’ll be blushy but he’s fine dw about it 

He’ll get over himself eventually and then proceed to ask with a boyish grin on his face if you wanna give up and just eat the houses as they are 

Y’all end up with stomach aches but it’s fine he makes it a little more bearable :))

MIKASA 

Making ornaments (pls it’d be so cutenjdjn)

Saniya: “she would stab me with an ornament and i’d say thank you” 

Comfortable silence with a little chatter here and there

Every now and then she rests her head on your shoulder (softie) 

Just like Armin, getting super flustered and blushy when you compliment her 

She helps hang the ornaments onto the tree and the tree turns out to look so pretty

Would take your hand and sit the two of you on the couch and just admire the tree in silence 

It’s so comforting you slowly feel like you’re about to fall asleep 

Make her some hot chocolate pls all she really wants is to cherish this atmosphere the two of you have created, all huddled up on the couch together 

She’d totally fall asleep cause the girl’s always working in overdrive pls does she even sleep-

Make sure she’s warm alright?? If u don’t i’ll stab you ;)

JEAN 

Watches hallmark movies with you, only to make fun of them (romance at it’s finest amirite) 

Popcorn fights while watching them 

Will get mad when you see a horse and say “look it’s you horse face” 

He says the dumbest pick up lines during the movie as an attempt to impress you 

“hey y/n, can i have your picture so i can show santa what i want for christmas?” 

“jean, we’re literally dating-” 

Something romantic will happen in the movie and Jean will continuously ask you to recreate that scene. “y/n can we-“ “if your about to ask me if you can spin me whilst ice skating, then no” “aw :(“ 

Oh to be spun by jean while ice skating- but that’s not the point 

Wrap him up in a blanket while watching the movies, he’ll melt 

Call him out on it and he’ll turn into ereh 2.0 (aka another whiny baby) 

Jkjk but he’ll definitely try to deny it cuz u know he’s a “biG oL maNLy maN” but he’s a softie ;)

ARMIN 

Making holiday cards with him 

When you bring up the idea his face lights up instantly it’s the cutest thing omg

I can see him bringing his own supplies to help with getting started

Envelopes, letter paper, markers. Hell, he’ll show up with glitter markers (those things are god-tier istg-)

he gets super flustered and red when you compliment his card

SUCH A CREATIVE BOI

If you mess up on your card he’s totally gonna be there to cheer you up!!

“Hey don’t worry, you can just start on a new one :D”

He probably won’t ask but he lowkey wants the card you messed up on cuz he thinks it’s cute

Makes cards for everyone and then takes you with him to deliver them

Would be really shy at the post office cuz he’s never done this before 

*cue you falling even more head over heels for him because he’s just so?? endearing?? it’s insane??*

Eventually, he gets the hang of it and ends up having a really fun time :D

Let him be the one to place the stamps on the envelopes, it’s ~therapeutic~ for him 

Overall, he’s probably the best person if you wanna use this as a healing opportunity tbh, the entire day is just filled with the calmest atmosphere one could wish for, and the smiles never leave your faces, even after you’ve finished

CONNIE 

Snowball fights w/ our resident baldy jKJKJK

Pls you wouldn’t even plan for it to happen 

It just kinda,, did,, 

Y’all we’re walking through the park, on your way back from lunch or something 

But you decided to make a pit-stop at the park cuz you saw an ice cream truck (do y’all know how rare those are in winter?? I’d be running to get to it pls i have no self-control) 

Anyways, other ppl had the same idea, so now y’all were standing in line waiting 

As he was looking around, his eyes landed on some other kids throwing snowballs at each other, and ideas started forming in his head uh oh-

And there just so happened to be a pile of snow right next to his feet- 

Y’all can probably guess what happened- 

“Hey y/n” “yeah-?” *throws it right at your face* 

And so the war begins 

Two words: S N O W  F O R T S. pls ppl would be concerned as they walked by and saw y’all just trying to fucking PUMMEL each other (sounds like fun tho i wanna do it now :( haven’t done it in years pls-) 

But you have to stop it before one of you gets hypothermia considering how long y’all have been going at it 

Anyways, he’ll buy you a hot chocolate to make up for making you frozen to the bone dw :)

SASHA 

Popcorn and cranberry garland 

Look away for one second and the popcorn is gone but you don’t really mind

Make sure to bring a second batch of the popcorn because the first one WILL be gone 

(maybe even a third stashed away-)

She’s really excited about it tho!! But didn’t expect it to take so long omg 

I imagine her to be really clumsy while making them, so pull a move straight out of a cheesy romance movie and help her out while holding her hands ;) 

She probably won’t notice what’s going on for a good minute tho 

Pls be patient she’s doing her best 😔🤚🏻

But once she does she has the cutest blush on her face pls (i just love her a lot can y’all tell-) 

She’ll eventually get the hang of it and you both make really pretty garlands!!

She suggests hanging it up in the bathroom as a snack pls-

HANJI 

Caroling with them omfg- 

It’s gonna be chaotic

The neighbors hate y’all but its fine 

Look man if ur like me and can’t handle people being loud all the time bring earplugs cuz it’s gonna get L O U D

But if you tell them that their screeching is giving you a headache they’ll absolutely tone it down!!

But don’t be surprised when they inevitably forget about that-

But if you're more energetic than I am then have at it ;) 

Pls me and my lazy ass could never handle that- 

Anyways when y’all reach the houses where they refuse to open the door?? Hanji’s breaking that shit down and hollering into their house at the top of their lungs

Ur literally gonna have to drag them away before someone calls the cops 

Moblit pls get over here and collect them I’m begging u dude-

Don’t be surprised if y’all spend the night in jail that’s just how it’s gonna be oops 

#these were supposed to go up earlier im so sorry folks- #but these were so fun to make #attack on titan x reader #aot x reader #aot headcanons #aot christmas hcs #attack on titan #levi ackerman x reader #eren jeager x reader #mikasa x reader #jean x reader #armin x reader #connie x reader #sasha x reader #hanji x reader

[otakusheep15]

SFW Alphabet - Belphegor

My last post about Levi seemed to do really well, so I thought I would continue with this series. Belphie is my other fave, so I hope I do him justice. Also, sorry if anything seems weird, I wrote this all super late (for me anyway) so there might be some mistakes. 

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first, he isn’t super affectionate. Verbal affection is just hard for him in general, and he’s scared that he may hurt you with physical affection. However, he eventually comes around and becomes super affectionate with you. Sleeping together is a must for him, and he’ll often pass out on your shoulder or lap when you two hag out. Verbal affection is still often a challenge, but he does try is best to tell you just how much you mean to him. He also loves both giving and receiving head pats. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

 You two often hang out in the attic together. Whatever you decide to do depends on the day, but most activities will end up with him (and sometimes you) falling asleep. Beel also joins you during hang-outs. You guys will also platonically cuddle all the time. Most conversations between you are very sarcastic and filled with banter, but it’s only (partially) joking. He also likes to ruffle your hair since he likes the reaction it gets out of you. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

  This boy is the king of cuddles. He can honestly fall asleep anywhere at anytime, but he finds that he sleeps the easiest in your arms. While he likes any cuddling position, his favorite is when you lay on your back and he rests his head on your chest. He also likes when you run your fingers through his hair. In his demon form, he’ll wrap his tail around your leg as a small sign of possession. He’ll also bump you with his horns so that you’ll pet those as well since they’re sensitive and helps him fall asleep faster. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He doesn’t really have a preference one way or another. If you feel the need to settle down, he’ll join you without question. However, if you wish not too, he wouldn’t really care. While he is not a fan of cleaning, he is a surprisingly good cook. Since Beel is his twin, and they have that special connection, he often knows when Beel is particularly hungry and can’t control it. Because of this, he learned how to cook in order to make sure his twin had enough snacks for the day. Even though it started as simply something for his twin, he’s found that cooking is quite fun, and enjoys cooking with you. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’s the kind of person that would just straight up tell someone that he’s breaking up with them. To him, if he feels the need to break up with someone, then that person’s feelings no longer matter (at least, to him they don’t). He could care less if the other leaves the situation absolutely heartbroken; he just doesn’t have the time or energy to care. Maybe if it was someone he actually really liked and wanted to keep as a friend, he wouldn’t be as harsh, but he’d still be blunt regardless. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As stated above, he doesn’t really care either way. He’s down to go along with whatever you want as long as you don’t make him work too much. If you want to get married, he’ll go along with it as long as Beel gets to be his best man. And if you decide you don’t want to get married, he’s fine just living with you and being with you without the ring. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

At first, he’s very gentle. After the incident, he is so afraid of hurting you again. There’s even a point where he goes into a near-panic when he accidentally touches you, and it gets so bad that the brothers have to stage an intervention. Once he’s calmed down and you’ve assured him that you trust him, he’s less cautious, but still gentle. He knows that demons are much stronger than humans, so he still tries to be careful even if he knows you’re not made of glass. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hugs are one of his favorite forms of affection. He’ll hug you all the time, especially in front of the brothers in hopes of making them jealous. A lot of his hugs consists of him coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle, and placing his head on top of yours. He’s even managed to fall asleep like this a few times. Out of all the brothers, his hugs are the best due to their warmth and softness. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes him a while to actually say the phrase, but it’s obvious that he loves you. He’s not one to really express his feelings through words, so he’s never actually thought that saying it was necessary. However, when you say it during one of your late-night cuddle sessions, he finally decides to say it as well.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s not as bad as Levi or Mammon, but he’s still pretty jealous. Although, he won’t actually say or do anything about it. If he’s jealous of one of his brothers, he’ll leave it to you to actually figure it out for yourself and then come apologize to him. But, if it is some random demon that’s trying to hit on you, he will try to drag you away with some excuse of him being tired and wanting a nap. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are super lazy and tired, but that’s to be expected. His favorite spot to kiss you is on your neck. He likes how flustered you get, and he likes teasing you about how sensitive your neck is. His favorite place to be kissed is on the forehead. He finds it super comforting, and he especially likes it when he’s about to fall asleep. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Of all the brothers, he is, surprisingly, one of the best with children. It’s not that he likes them, or that he’s even good at controlling them; he just knows how to put them to sleep really quick. He can have them out in a matter of minutes, no matter how energetic the child. And, fun secret, he actually doesn’t mind children all that much. He just hates when they get loud or go all crazy. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are usually spent cuddling in bed until you two have five minutes to get down to breakfast before Lucifer beats y’all half to death. Most of the time, you wake up before him, but it’s impossible to get up since he’s always wrapped around you and refuses to let go. Once, Beel had to come in and actually drag you two out of bed because he refused to get up on time. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are usually spent with him trying to stay awake while y’all watch a movie or something, but you both know that won’t happen. Instead, he usually falls asleep on top of you, leaving you with two options. One, you can try to drag him to bed, which almost never works. Or two, you can just fall asleep there and hope you aren’t sore in the morning from the weird position. Eventually, and no matter which option you go with, you both end up asleep in each other’s arms and sleeping peacefully. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He is a very secretive demon by nature, so opening up is really hard for him. He really wants to, and he knows you also want him to, but he just can’t. And when he does finally start opening up, he takes it very slow. This is so that he doesn’t overwhelm you, or himself for that matter. He’s scared that showing too much of himself at once will make you leave him, and that’s the last thing he wants, so he tries to hide it for as long as possible. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He isn’t ever angry so much as very passive aggressive. He’ll make snide comments, give mean stares, and make rude gestures whenever pissed off. This usually happens when he gets jealous of a lower-level demon, but it never usually escalates past that. However, there are those few times in which he does get legit mad, and that’s when the yelling starts. If he knows he’s losing against whoever he’s fighting, he’ll storm off to either his room or the attic until either you or Beel comes to get him. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He tries to remember things, he really does, but he just seems to forget things really easily. He’ll remember big things - birthdays, anniversaries, and your favorite things (shows, games, etc.), but he always tends to forget smaller things. He doesn’t mean to, and you know that he is trying, but sometimes it can be difficult when he forgets that date you two had planned and went to sleep instead. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment is when you two were cuddling together one night after he got into a fight with one of his brothers. He was really upset after that argument, and he didn’t have the will to do much else other than lay down and sleep. But, as always, you came to his aid and stayed with him all throughout his self-loathing party. At one point, you began humming quietly in an attempt to make him feel better, and that’s what did it. He began crying quietly, letting all of his insecurity flood out to you. The entire time, you sat there, listening patiently. When he was done, you kissed his forehead and told him that everything would be okay, and that everyone loved him no matter what. It was also this moment that made him truly fall in love with you. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He would never admit it like most other things, but he loves the idea of being protected by you. He knows that scenario is a bit weird, but he just loves it so much. You’re so caring towards him, and he loves the thought of you protecting him from something that he could obviously handle on his own, just because you love him. It makes his heart melt a little. And, of course, he also protects you from anything that seems even mildly dangerous. He vowed to never hurt you, and he also vows to never let anything else hurt you. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He puts in about as much effort as you would expect from him. He does really try, but he just never has the energy to do much. Plus, he knows that you prefer smaller, less extravagant things anyway. Most of the time, special days will be spent with just the two of you (and maybe Beel) either in the attic or the planetarium. You two will spend the whole day together, cuddling and just enjoying each other’s presence.  He usually always tries to make you some sort of food, usually a sweet of some kind. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Obviously, he has a bad habit of sleeping in too much. At first, it wasn’t a problem, but now it happens more often than it should, and for far too long. He also has a bad habit of being overprotective of you. In his mind, you are a weak, fragile human that needs to be protected from even the smallest of things. Eventually, he does learn that you can take care of yourself, but that doesn’t stop him from taking it a bit too far sometimes. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

One of the last things on his mind is how he looks. Like Levi, he spends most of his time inside, so why should he bother with something as stupid as appearance? He often gets into petty fights about this with Asmo, who is always trying to get him to try harder on his appearance. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He honestly thought he could do fine without you, but when you went home after the exchange program ended, he was falling apart. True to his character, he didn’t let it show, even after you can back, but it always stuck with him from then on that he needed you. He couldn’t stand being away from you, and if it happens again he will go on a rampage. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

As I stated previously, I headcanon him to be really good at cooking. At first, he’s shy about it, but soon you two are sharing kitchen duty with each other all the time. He originally learned so that he could cook for Beel, but he also likes cooking for the rest of his brothers (and you too). 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He’s not too fond of extraverted people, or people who have a lot of energy in general. It’s fine if you have some energy, but too much is where he draws the line. He has enough of that going on with his brothers, so he prefers someone quieter to enjoy peace and quiet with. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He has a habit of sleeping with other people. It’s easier for him to sleep when someone else is in bed with him, so that’s what he prefers. Prior to the attic, he would actually go to Lucifer and ask to stay with him (if Beel wasn’t available). Now, he usually just sleeps with you or Beel or both. 

#shall we date obey me #OBEY ME #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #scenario #sfw alphabet #headcanon

[bookwrm99]

Preferred Music- OM! Brothers

Not that anyone asked me, but I was in the mood to write and I’ve gotten back into Obey Me! after a super-long hiatus.. so these are my thoughts on what the brothers listen to in terms of music. I’ve only finished S1, so forgive me if these don’t make sense in context of the later seasons T_T

Lucifer:

It’s established in canon that Lucifer loves listening to classical music and has an extensive record collection- the more cursed the better

I headcanon though that he also likes to listen to big band music, like the Glenn Miller Orchestra

I can imagine him putting one of his vintage Glenn Miller records on his grammy and asking his s/o to dance with him one night if he was feeling especially romantic. The song he’d initiate on would be Twilight Interlude, Moonlight Serenade, or Starlit Hour.

I also headcanon that Lucifer listens to crooners, like Nat King Cole or Frank Sinatra

If MC can play an instrument, especially if it’s the piano, Lucifer might lurk in the hallway for a while if he hears them playing music by composers like Beethoven, Mozart, or Chopin. He doesn’t know how or why, but he thinks their works sound best whenever MC plays them

I think Lucifer’s guilty pleasure is 50′s/60′s decade music, but only listens to them when certain conditions are met: he’s in an exceptionally good mood, his privacy is guaranteed for at least an hour, and it’s just him in his bedroom. He feels that artists like The Beach Boys, Elvis, and The Beatles don’t fit with his polished, high-class image, hence the secrecy around listening to them

You’ll know he trusts you when he allows you into his space while one of these artists’ records is on the gramophone

Doesn’t change MC’s ringtone in his phone, because one: he’s an old man and hardly uses the thing for anything besides communication anyway, and two: he wants to be the only brother who wasn’t prompted by Mammon’s ringtone change

Probably changes their ringtone after a few weeks, when his brothers have forgotten all about it

 Mammon:

The Black Crowes. Next-

It’s canon that Mammon likes R&B music

Mammon strikes me as a classic/90′s alternative rock kind of guy too, though. Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, U2, Deep Purple, The Black Crowes, Pearl Jam- that kind of vibe

If he’s feeling something a little more hard, he’d probably dip into Nirvana, Van Halen, AC/DC, or another band along those lines

“Money” by Pink Floyd is DEFINITELY his ringtone

If he’s trying to really focus to come up with a scheme to make Grimm, or is just in the mood for something really chill, he might pull up a lofi hip hop playlist/station to listen to in the background

If he and MC happen to be chilling in his room, though, he’d probably play whatever they’re into- not because he likes them and wants to learn more about them or anything, noooooo sir, definitely doesn’t want to know their favorite artists so he can maybe take them to a concert one day either

Probably starts listening to MC’s favorite bands and genres too as their relationship develops

I headcanon that as soon as he finds out whatever MC’s favorite song is, he sets it as their ringtone in his phone so he can distinguish them from modeling agencies and his brothers

Leviathan:

It’s canon that Levi LOVES anime music, which like- I 110% subscribe to

I think he’d also really like video game music as well. Especially if it’s a game he loves and their soundtracks are *chef’s kiss*

If the Devildom has an equivalent to K-pop, I could see him being into that too. BTS, EXO, SUPER JUNIOR, Girl’s Generation, and SEVENTEEN all give me Levi vibes

Because he used to play so many different instruments, I also headcanon that sometimes he gets in the mood to listen to some of the music he used to play

He might get started on a classical music kick for a couple hours, then be satisfied for a week or two until the craving comes up again

Like Mammon, he might try listening to MC’s favorite music to get to know them better- but if he’s too averse to it, he’ll just go back to listening to his usual music

As their relationship develops, he might change MC’s ringtone in his phone to the theme of an anime they’ve both watched together and loved, or to the theme of his favorite anime- not to be outdone by Mammon, of course

Satan:

It’s canon that Satan also enjoys classical music, especially symphonies

I headcanon though that Satan might resent this similarity to Lucifer, so listens to classical music in secret- or abstains from it until he cracks and binges for a few hours

I could also see Satan listening to music very loudly in his room to piss Lucifer off if he’s in a particularly vindictive mood, especially if it’s hard rock or metal

Three Days Grace, Shinedown, Breaking Benjamin, Disturbed, The Veer Union, Gojira, Beartooth, Steel Panther- and if he’s really mad at Lu, he’d pull out the stops and listen to some death metal

Lowkey kind of likes some of it, even though he started listening to it exclusively with the intent of making the eldest tear his hair out in frustration

For casual listening, though, I headcanon that he has soft indie playlists and stations that he’s favorited/subscribed to

I could also see him as the type to have a playlist built with all his favorite songs from his favorite Broadway plays (looking at you, Les Misérables and Cats)

When he catches wind that Mammon and Levi changed their ringtones for MC, he didn’t hop on the train to outdo them- he just thought it was a good idea. He changes it to a soft indie song that reminds him of MC in some way, whether the lyrics are explicitly about someone similar to them or the sound of the song gives them MC vibes

Asmodeus:

Asmo listens to healing music in canon

But I also imagine him listening to dance/EDM music, because it gets him pumped up for The Fall and reminds him of the good times he’s had there

I headcanon that Asmo listens to healing music when he’s pampering himself or doing spa sessions with MC, and dance/EDM when he’s getting primped up to go to the club

Asmo is DEFINITELY the type to put soft music on when he’s about to get it on with somebody to set the mood, but it’s not something he listens to on his own- he feels ambivalent about romantic music in general

With MC, though, if their relationship buds into something more than friendship- you can bet your ass that he custom makes the perfect playlist for spicy situations with them, and his opinion on romantic music changes into a more positive one

I also see him listening to Queens like Ariana Grande, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé- really powerful women vocalists

Asmo might have an easy listening pop playlist/station subscribed on his app of choice, but probably has to be in the mood for it to put it on

Definitely changes MC’s ringtone to something cheeky at first, like “Sexual Healing”, but trades it for a romantic song that reminds him of them later as they get closer

Beelzebub:

The RAD newspaper reports that Beel likes the song in the “Hell’s Burger” commercial

But I headcanon that when the newspaper club asked him that question, he just didn’t know how to respond because he listens to so many different genres, so he blurted out the first thing on his mind (so of course it would be food-related)

Beel doesn’t strike me as the type to like one genre in particular to the exclusion of most others- he seems more like he’d have playlists of all different genres to switch between depending on the situation and his mood

He’d definitely have a workout playlist full of songs to hype him up, like “Eye of the Tiger”, “Welcome to the Jungle”,  “Seven Nation Army”, “Thunder”, etc.

Probably has upwards of thirty playlists/stations he’s subscribed to because of his broad tastes, but the ones I see him frequently playing are pop, indie, alternative, and punk rock

Because he shares a room with Belphie, he’s grown accustomed to listening to chill, soft piano music at night when the both of them are first falling asleep- so much so, he has a hard time falling asleep without it, so he always brings earphones with him when traveling so he can still listen to it

MC’s ringtone in his phone is the “Hell’s Burger” commercial song- the only other contact that shares the ringtone is Belphie. Hearing his favorite song helps him distinguish his favorite people from everyone else calling his phone, even if hearing the song makes him hungry and drool a little bit before he picks up

Belphegor:

Belphie likes chill piano music in canon

Makes sense to me, since he’s sleeping 99.999999% of the time

But I headcanon that he also likes punk rock, like Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, blink-182, Good Charlotte, All Time Low, Panic! At The Disco, Bring Me The Horizon, and more

He only listens to it if he has to stay awake for a long period of time- listening to piano music makes him sleepy, so that’s out of the question, even though he needs music to be able to focus

Belphie is another brother who will stick around if he hears MC playing the piano- he’s less covert about it than the eldest brother, though

He’ll straight up trudge into the music room, sit on the bench with them and lean his head against their shoulder as they play

Hope you weren’t planning on stopping anytime soon, MC

Belphie also seems like the type to have subscriptions to ASMR or soft storytelling podcasts/stations/playlists, for the times he finds he’s having a hard time falling asleep

Like Lucifer, is one of the last to hop on the ringtone train, and honestly didn’t really give a shit about it until he really thought about it. What if MC was in trouble and tried to call him while he was asleep? His normal ringtone wouldn’t wake him up in that scenario, which could end up being really bad

Changes it to something really loud and obnoxious at first, like “What Is Love” (the animal cover)

Eventually changes it to something more romantic as he and MC get closer in their relationship, like “Check Yes, Juliet”

~~

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. <3

BTW, this is the ringtone I HC’d for Belphie lmfao: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx5-aOGphII&t=53s

It’s my morning alarm and my family hates it, but I’m an extremely heavy sleeper sooooooo guess I’ll just keep being a menace to society

#obey me #obey me! #obey me! swd #shall we date? obey me #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #levi obey me #satan obey me #asmo obey me #beel obey me #belphie obey me #headcanons