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thebibliosphere · 8 months

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I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.

You know the kind of shows I mean.

The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.

So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.

Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)

(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))

Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.

#batman #bruce wayne #batman shitpost #batmuppet

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daydreamerwonderkid · 7 months

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Ngl, I do love me a feral/enraged Dick Grayson <3

Credit to @honeysgalaxy for providing photos of the new panels

#gotham war #gotham war spoilers #batman 138 #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #nightwing #i make memes to help me cope #batman shitpost #batman shit post #yes just to clarify i do still like bruce #i just do NOT like this version of him #i also just think dick should be allowed to be pissed #and go fucking nuts #whenever he feels like it #didn't expect gotham war to give me that #a real monkey's paw of a situation

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ryemiffie · 25 days

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Stuff from my day as Tim drake incorrect quotes:

Tim, reading something off a clipboard: Aw poor little elf, don't doubt yourself. Gotta say doc, I'm surprised you have elf clients.

Therapist: What? No! I don't have any elf clients?? That's your chart!

Tim: I'm not an elf.

Therapist: I know that.

Tim: Then why's it say elf doubt right here?

Therapist: It doesn't, it says self doubt!

Tim: I find it more likely to says elf doubt than self doubt, I mean I don't doubt anything about myself!

Therapist: Yes you do?? You doubt yourself so often that you've convinced yourself you're a terrible person.

Tim: Exactly and I do not doubt that.

Therapist: I genuinely hate working here so much.

Tim: L.

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need-a-name-101 · 9 days

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Head cannon that one time the batkids made some sort of a bet/deal with Bruce. And Bruce lost so now he has to partake in a batman look alike completion. But no one really knows what the bat looks like because Bruce lives on the “I am vengeance” and “I am one with the shadows” hill. So for reference all the internet has are just shitty photos of the bat to go by. So on the day of the competition he is wearing the actual bat suit. All his kids are there and when the winner is announced it’s not Bruce. And since everyone has the cowl on their faces no one knows who is the winner. Until the guy walks up to accept the trophy and it’s a dude in a shitty batman costume. Like full on just terrible. And the man pushes down the cowl and lo and behold it’s Clark Kent. Batman just lost a batman look alike contest to fucking Superman. All his kids lose their shit. Hell they even go up to Clark like, “Can we have a picture” and then it goes on their official social media like “lol just met the bat” , “I stole the tires of his car once, dude’s chill about it tho” etc.

#Bruce still hasn’t lived that one down #Bruce: I am Batman #Clark: please I won the completion to the people I am batman #Bruce can’t say the because I am batman because his kids will just snort and say sure you are big guy #batman #the batman #clark kent #superman #superman and batman #batkids #batsiblings #bruce wayne #dc shitpost #shitpost #batman shitpost

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kapkant7 · 3 months

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Recently finished a replay of Arkham Knight brought about by The Batman skin being released, amazing game, the Arkham series is still one of my favourite game franchises of all time but erm...

What did Eddie mean by this? 🤨🤨🤨 Sounds like someone's real intentions came out.

#batman #batman shitpost #batman memes #bruce wayne #the riddler #riddler #edward nygma #edward nashton #dc comics #dc memes #arkhamverse #arkham knight #dc universe #batman arkham knight

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gayvin · 9 months

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hey pookies

#telltale batman #batjokes #telltale john doe #batman memes #batman the telltale series #juce #telltale joker #telltale batjokes #batman shitpost #telltale juce

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punprincess321 · 7 months

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Dick: Happy Birthday Damian! *hands Damian a big wrapped box* Damian: *takes the box and unwraps it to reveal several action figures of Justice League members, villains, and Batfamily members, along with a few playsets like the invisible jet, the batmobile, etc.* Is this a joke? Bruce: Dick thought you'd like to use these for strategy, or for if you have friends over you can play with them. Damian: Hmmm... Fine... But that will be their only use. ------ *A few days later* Dick: *opens the door to Damian's room* Damian, Alfred made dinner, you comin-...? Damian: *has several books piled on top of each other like sky scrapers, action figures are all over the makeshift city* Your reign of terror is over Joker! Taste my sword of justice! *makes his action figure "stab" the joker* Victory at last! Dick: *sneakily takes video* Damian: *picks up the superman action figure and pushes his chest, lasers shoot out and hit dick's phone* Dick: Agh! *drops the phone* What the hell!? Damian: I made these toys more accurate, father's grappling hook works, Superman can fly and shoot lasers, flash has wheels on his feet to run. And you will forget what you saw... Dick: Fine... But I'm glad you're having fun... *smiles* Damian: Want to join? I'm currently taking down a crime syndicate and I could use Nightwing as backup. Dick: *walks over and picks up the Nightwing action figure* I'd love to.

#damian wayne #dick grayson #batman #batfam #batman shitpost #robin #nightwing #this has been in my head forever

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adoodle-mday · 2 years

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It’s a stealth mission Batman we can’t go out in our regular clown costumes

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violent138 · 1 month

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Bruce Wayne is lucky he's rich enough to keep all the Bats despite the ridiculous number of counter job offers they get from their rogues.

#Every single bat is extremely employable #it's insane how many times this has happened #batman rogues #bruce wayne #batfamily #batman shitpost #batposting #batfam #it's happened in my memory to: bruce #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #and I'm sure the others too lol

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rezhood · 1 year

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Some people are still deranged to think Duke is Bruce’s golden child when Duke is by far the most likely to look Bruce in the eyes during a peaceful family meal and bring up Jason

#Duke looks up to Jason propaganda #duke thomas #jason todd #batfamily #batman shitpost

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thebibliosphere · 4 months

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What do you think Batman's coffee order is?

#batman shitpost #following this thought tangent to see where it goes

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daydreamerwonderkid · 7 months

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Literally every "Talia Adopts Jason AU":

Bruce: YOU KIDNAPPED MY SON AND PUT HIM IN THE LAZARUS PIT-

Talia:

Ngl I do get a kick out of seeing this argument go down in this particular AU.

I also love how completely unapologetic Talia is every single fucking time. Shit's hysterical. I love it so much. She really just exudes "God forbid a woman do anything" energy and I love her for it.

#bruce wayne #talia al ghul #jason todd #talia adopts jason au #jason al ghul #batman shit post #batman shitpost #batman fanfic #batman fanfiction #dreamer queue #post edited for better formatting cause that shit keeps me up at night

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the-shriveler · 1 year

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do another riddler! like jim carrey riddler!

I LOVE THE RIDDLERS ALL OF THEM MUAH MUAH MUAHHHH

#the riddler #jim carey riddler #riddler jim carey #batman forever #edward nygma #crazy riddler #insane fella #green dc man #batman #batman shitpost #dceu #dc #dc shitpost #jim carrey #the shriveler #the shriveler strikes

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spookyphilosophertaco · 6 months

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So we are having headcanons that Batman and some of his rogues are friends, like Harley and Ivy get invited in Christmas and Selina is periodically doing...well, Bruce, but y'all do realise that if Batman is that chummy with his rogues, Flash villains absolutely throw him birthday parties?

#batman #batman shitpost #flash family #flash fanfic #headcanon #jla

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kapkant7 · 1 year

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Batman as Textposts