#because every second with you feels infinite - in time and in possibility - and no matter where life takes us

[withleeknow]

in the dark.

pairing: minho x reader genre/warnings: friends to lovers, fluff, angst; kissing, crying, mention of blood, mention of animal abuse, not very edited lol word count: 0.6k note: oh i've had the idea for a scene like this for a whiiiile now and i was hella motivated to finally write it after watching skzflix 😂 (twas supposed to be used for a jk fic but oh well, sorry jungoo)

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation › masterlist › ko-fi

"It was stupid of you."

"Okay."

"And reckless."

"Okay."

"And dangerous."

"Okay."

"And stupid. Did I already mention that? Because it was fucking stupid."

"Oka-"

"Fuck!" you snap. "Why do you keep saying that? Is it the only word in your vocabulary?"

Minho shrugs defeatedly, like none of this matters to him, but his guilty eyes tell you otherwise. He purses his lips for a second, before he tells you, "What else am I supposed to say?"

"Say you're sorry? Say you'll stop doing it? Say you won't put me through this again?"

He stays quiet, and to be honest, you expected him to. He's too stubborn for his own good and he's too good for his own sake. He's got the kindest heart you know, and you will always love him for it, but...

It's hard to make peace with it when he shows up at your doorstep every few weeks with bruises all over, like an abandoned dog asking you to take him in and put him back together.

It's hard to keep track of all the reasons he tells you to justify his borderline foolhardy actions. The last time it happened, it was because he ran into some psycho abusing the stray cats near his neighborhood. Tonight, it was because he saw someone get mugged on the street.

It's even harder to be okay with the fact that he's infinitely selfless and kind because you love your friend.

You love your friend.

You heave a sigh, going back to the task at hand because you know there's no convincing Minho otherwise. Sometimes, you wish he'd think of himself, that he'd put himself over others. Sometimes, you wish he'd think about you.

You asked him about it once, why he kept showing up to yours instead of going to a hospital. Instead of going home.

He only replied, simple and earnest, "I just want to be here with you."

You soak a cotton swab in rubbing alcohol before you press it gently against the cut on his cheek, wincing when he does. Then you move to the cut on the bridge of his nose, the one on his jawline, the one on the corner of his mouth...

You don't meet his eyes, but you feel his steady gaze on you the entire time you tend to his wounds. You're aware of how your hands are shaking, the way every breath you exhale is trembling, and that there are tears ready to overflow any second now.

The first one spills as you work on cleaning the blood off the corner of his mouth.

Then, suddenly, the cotton swab is no longer in your hand. Minho carelessly flings it elsewhere, and before you can scold him for interrupting you, his palms are on your face, delicate fingers cradling your jaw.

You blink. Just a split second, and his lips are on yours.

He's soft, and warm, and sweet, despite the bitterness that's been on your tongue the entire night. You love him. You do.

And he kisses you like he loves you too, tenderly and wholeheartedly.

You want to keep him with you forever, to never let him go, to not have to see him get hurt ever again. You don't think it's possible for you to endure it anymore, now that you know how it feels to have him like this.

When he pulls away, you're dazed. Rightfully so.

Minho doesn't stray from you for too long. He lets you catch your breath before he's leaning in once more.

Another kiss. Three seconds.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles against your lips, his tone so painfully sincere.

Another kiss. Four seconds.

"I'll stop doing it."

Then another one. Five seconds.

"I won't put you through this again."

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 03.11.2023]

#stray kids fic #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #skz fic #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz x you #lee know fluff #lee know angst #lee know scenarios #lee know x reader #lee know imagines #lee know x you #lee minho x reader #lee minho x you #stray kids #skz #lee know #lee minho

[fatuismooches]

"Zandik, do you think we're together in all the universes?" Your question comes out of nowhere in the middle of your check-up, which makes even the wise doctor pause his movements. Normally, you try to make conversation while he's about to prick you with the needle, but this question was odd.

"You mean, as in the possibility that we've met and reached this stage in various other worlds?" You hummed in acknowledgment, and the Harbinger's answer came immediately.

"No, that would be impossible," the logical scientist stated matter of factly before sliding the needle into your arm, making you wince but his smooth voice continued to distract you for the most part. "There are an infinite amount of alternate universes, with an endless number of possibilities. To say that we've met in all of them would simply be an idiotic fantasy." You couldn't help but laugh at his response because that was exactly what you thought he would say.

"Well, I like to think we are," you playfully countered as he cleaned the injection site and bandaged it. "I just hope there's a universe where you confessed to me first, instead of me having to viciously drag your true feelings out of you every time." Dottore scoffed. You would never let go of how foolishly he acted in the Akademiya.

"Are you getting this from the novels you've pestered me to buy? I still do not understand how you find such drivel to be entertaining." Dottore prepared to listen to your heartbeat now, moving his hands under your shirt.

"Hey! It's not drivel! You shouldn't be saying that when we both know the kind of things you read," you protested back to which he only smirked at you. The banter died down, a comfortable silence returning to the room again as Dottore listened to your heartbeat. It was slow and steady, and for a few seconds, Dottore pondered your words. Alternate universes. Alternate selves. It was something he was admittedly interested in. How did his alternate selves act? Were they similar? Different? What kind of worlds existed beyond Teyvat?

In which universe existed the information and resources that he needed to cure you without difficulty? What fate did you meet in the other universes? Did you... he doesn't dare to think the word.

Dottore looks at your face again, tired from the strain of illness but still smiling from the conversation. He may not know about the other universes... but he swears to save you in this one.

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #dottore x reader #dottore and fragile reader's romance is tragically beautiful #writing them fluffy with a hint of angst is so good #this may be a bit corny BUT I DONT CARE ITS CUTE <333

[hueningshaped]

★ between the two of us | c.bg

▰ genre: f2l-uni au w lots of fluff and angst

▰ word count: 10.7k

▰ synopsis: you and beomgyu have to cross new checkpoints everyday it seems when it comes to your friendship, one that has overcome the barrier of being online to real life. being friends in person is hard for you but you realize you love beomgyu enough to brave your own hardships: all for the better — ft the tubatus

warnings: mild cursing, fire in building briefly mentioned, insecurities/struggles and thoughts of body/face dysmorphia, face mask use but not in covid way but in the 'words bubble up like soda pop' way, severe anxiety, burnout, some depressive thoughts, details of eating (habits), arguments, someone gets a stress induced cold, RUSHED RAMBLING

dedication: this is for the one i adore greatly, to my infinitely loved apple of my eye, @gyurecs ! i finally finished it…. never saw this coming… while there are a thousand things i could tell you, i’ll just say that i love you ! i love you so much there aren’t enough words to describe; you are the light of my life and you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted and more ! 

▰ tag list: just @tyunlatte B) my beloved

ACT I.

Nothing beat the feeling of returning to the refuge of your own dorm, free from prying eyes, annoying people, the summer heat, and in today's case, psychotic professors who want to risk your life for the sake of an exam. 

Everyday when you came home from your tiring classes, it became tradition to do chat with your online and dearest friend. It was one of the things you looked forward to everyday. Sure, you both texted every second of everyday, but just to know that you shared the same screen, got to unload and refresh, while watching some silly videos — it meant a lot to you. No matter the weather, no matter where you were on any single, given day, you always made time to do so, and so did he. 

Your dearest friend, Beomgyu. 

Back to the new twist in your day, today, you came in hot with quite a story to tell, on how the fire alarm had gone off during an exam in your biggest class but your crazed professor, in fear of having anyone possibly cheat, had made everyone remain in their seats. Everyone’s phones had been taken away, so you couldn’t even call authorities. 

Long story short, the doors were broken into by other staff, your devices were returned, your professor was suspended, a fire had actually burned the student center, and everyone received an A on the test, on the class overall, but details were still being worked out. 

Despite the craze and near-death experience, you were oddly happy, but you think it’s because you get to retell the story to your favorite person.

from: beoms

I HAVE THE CRAZIEST STORY TO TELL YOU

from: you

YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

Your phone vibrated as soon as you sent it, making you chuckle, but the startling realization of you both texting the same thing, at the exact same time aligned a bit too coincidentally. That thought was brushed off quicker than you had even realized. It was funny that what had occurred had even happened at all. Life just liked to be silly, and you were more than thankful for the few times it chose to direct its strange happenings on anything but you.

It had roughly been three years since you’d officially befriended Beomgyu, an internet friend that you’d met over the bonding of the beloved IU on a Twitter page, then coincidentally through the comment section of some TikTok, leading to the further exploration that you were the same user that you’d previously met as. Again, all those coincidences. Happenstances. It was fate, a matter of it that was just funny, nothing serious. Just like the two of you.

Talking to each other had been the easiest thing, even now, it was one of the things you looked forward to the most. Your friendship was a serious one, but not once had you ever considered ever meeting — much too afraid of him being disgusted or scared off by the real you. Only once or twice had you seen pictures of the other, never facetimed (again, too scared to do so), but he never pressed. Disgust was a rather harsh word that you never really confirmed in your head, but it wouldn’t be a lie to say it didn’t exist with regards to you. 

He’d send videos of himself with his friends, of his beloved parrot, Toto, he’d make his brother or his parents record him doing the random-est things, of him playing a few written melodies or covers on his guitar, even on a recorder (he’s sent you videos of him playing these instrument to wish you a happy birthday), of him simply talking about his day, and it became violently apparent of how fond he was to you to the point that every time you heard that soft, tender lisp of his, sweet and winding inflections in his tone that never quite sat still, your cheeks would rise to your eyes and ache with how hard you smiled. He had been your dearest friend throughout all the years just the way you were to him. 

Throughout your friendship, Beomgyu never quite stayed in the same place: having to move around a lot, too. Despite events that would knock you and him from being able to communicate, nothing could tear your friendship. Not distance, not life-shaking events, not even homework, but you’d made it a point to study as much as you could, alongside your work, to make time to talk.

This was why you dropped your bag down in its same spot, peddling to your desk to text Beomgyu now that you’d returned safely from school. You had tripped over a few things, stubbing your foot, gaze buried deep within your phone, navigating through your newly organized home screen so that it’d look cute, and then at last, you finally accessed your messages. 

from: beoms

WHATTWAAHTHTH YOU GO FIRST

from: you

NO YOU

from: beoms

BFFR

from: you

GYU U GO FIRST

from: beoms

fine 😒you’re so rude ….jk BUT ANYWAY ITS A LOT BUT THERE WAS A FIRE AT MY SCHOOL AND MY PROF MADE US STAY IN AND WE WERE GONNA DIE I SWEAR Y/N I S2G THE LAST THING I WOULDVE SAID TO YOU WAS ‘im so hungry im gonna start chewing on my sleeve’ LIKE HUHHHHH

Your stunned silence was thick enough that it permeated through the screen. You did have your read receipts on, and Beomgyu was definitely not a fan of being left on read. It surely just must be a coincidence. Sure, some things here and there have hinted at the slightest, thinnest possibility of you and him being in the same timezone, let alone the same area, but this was just the higher powers of life arranging life in a silly way to blast coincidence. Surely, that was the case…right?

from: beoms

IM OK THO I PROMISE!!! no need to cry and sob and d word over me almost dying a fiery death at the worst place possible

Y/N? are u still there? :0

from: you

freaking beomgyu 😭 if ur going to say dying u might as well not use d word in the same sentence ur sooooo 

from: beoms

ok AND???? ur not even worried about me almost dying and the fact that the fire was bad enough it burned down our student center, ur sick!!!!!! ur going to h-e-double hockey sticks….

The more he talked, you felt like the closer you were to falling sick.

 

from: you

stop..talking….

from: beoms

HUH ???!! if u hate me jus say it 🙂 i can take it 🤧 no but fr i can take it now that my uni gave me an a for the whole class since my prof got suspended hehehehe anyways WHAT HAPPENED TO U PLS DONT TELL ME ITS A BETTER STORY THAN MINE

You laid your forehead against your cold desk, nose and mouth hanging over the floor. Every probability of every possibility didn’t seem plausible. There was no way that fate worked that way, but you had to test the waters out before you truly allowed your heart to pound right out of your chest.

from: you

beomgyu what is ur professor’s name…..

from: beoms

for why

from: you

oh thats really his name? 

from: beoms

u deserve cruel and unusual punishment btw oh and his name is dr. mathias something rey 😻 he’s got a king name and sorry Y/N can’t remember crap

You gasped once your eyes found the name of your own professor’s name on the syllabus that was loaded on a different tab. There in fine print: Dr. Mathias Flores Rey. The same person who’d jeopardized your lives over cheating…both your lives… yours and Beomgyu’s… a person you never thought you would have met at least any time soon. 

from: you

im going to need u to not freak out with me bc i already am……… but im 99.999999% sure we go the same school bc we have the same prof and we have the same class and we had the exact same thing happen to us…….. but idk maybe its just a coincidence lol hahaa could be mandela effect lol haha sorry i had to discover this sorry BEOMGYU LAUGH WITH ME PLE A SE

It was his turn to leave you on read. 

This freaked you out definitely a lot more than it should have. The logical part of your brain chided the anxious part, which was the majority, saying, ‘This is a good thing! You’ll finally be able to meet! Isn’t that what you’ve wanted?’

But the anxious part was a bit more in control. It for sure had a hand in just about every part of your brain, as it had for so long. So, rather than be able to enjoy this discovery, this wonderful surprise has made you come face to face with the struggle you’ve had your entire life.

Violent buzzes pulled you suddenly from your thoughts, breathing a bit seized but deflating as soon as your eyes you found the culprit of sound: Beomgyu’s contact name and picture taken over the entire screen with an incoming call. 

Hesitantly but with a shake of your head that whisked such delays away, one swipe and his thunderous giggle-scream filled the air of your silent room. As joyous as you felt about the potential lack of distance with your longtime online friend, a part of you felt weary. In the reflection of your screen, you could see your lips pursed, the bottom tucked between your teeth, set on peeling the skin on it. The sunshine, which had blinded you for much of the day, was hidden behind the black out curtains, tinting the world dim and gray. Just the way you felt inside.

“Hello?! Y/N, I’m so mad at you… how dare you even think for a second that you should apologize for discovering this,” you forced out a laugh in response, which in turn made his voice lower. “Is it really true, though? I-I don’t want to get my hopes up… I mean, I’m over the moon right now, but I mean-well… you know what I mean, right?” 

While a tide of doubt swirled in your mind at the possibility of him being disappointed by you, which you felt was inevitable, the exhale that drafted from your lips registered as a sigh for him.

“Y/N, you alright? I didn’t bother you, did I?” Because of the years you had behind your friendship, you knew Beomgyu well, especially what he needed. Immediately, your voice thinned out and you made sure to reassure him to the best of your abilities. 

“I’m good, Gyu. I promise you didn’t bother me. I’m… well, yeah, it’s all true unless you don’t belong to an introduction to linguistics class that meets from 12:30 to 2:15 every Monday, Wed—”

“Holy shit.”

“Wednesday, Friday, and our prof is named Dr. Mathias Flores Rey, and he’s most likely getting his doctorate taken away, then it’s not true.”

“It is true! It is true!” Beomgyu barked into the speaker incessantly, screaming then laughing loudly, which made you smile contagiously. He just had that effect. The birds chirped and the sun bled in the room from behind the curtain as you joined in laughter. Brief moments like this lowered the volume of the anxiety that pulsed through your veins. They were nice. Brief but so nice. That was what made them special.

“So, when can I meet you? You live on campus, right?” He asked, still full of excitement, and your wavering breath brought reality back to the film of your eyes. “Yeah, I do, and um…” Back and forth, your head turned to look around at the room, almost like you needed to be reminded of where you were. Of who you were.

“I’m still on campus, Y/N. That is if you wanna meet up still. I mean, it’s been a long day for both of us, so we can do this another day. No pressure.” He sang out the last word but a part of you still ached for him even if he possibly wasn’t bothered by your possible decline. Like an inkling, you felt like you needed to reassure your dear friend and always make sure his feelings were good, that his heart felt safe, and that he felt okay at the very least. None of this could even be close to a job; you loved Beomgyu dearly. He had become your close friend throughout all these years. 

He lived off campus in a shared apartment with his four other friends. Beomgyu went on to surprisingly give his exact location, disclosing his address much to your laughing shock with repeats of “Beomgyu, come on!” He went down to the apartment building and room number, giggling along with you. Back and forth of his apartment and his friends, you could feel that he was aware that you were dodging the question. 

It wasn’t too far, probably a thirty minute walk from your dorm, so you could do another day, but you also thought about the sun that was setting, the last attempts of sunlight shooting through the dips of the horizon that were soon to die down to let the dark become of the sky, and how little light would work in your favor.

“Y/N?” Beomgyu called due to lack of response to whatever he said.

“I can meet you now if that’s okay…” your heart pounded loudly in your ears, above your own voice it seemed. The person you’ve known for the past three years was soon to meet you, to see you finally, to put a face to the name, and that terrified you. 

Instantaneously, you could feel his smile through the phone. “More than okay. It’s perfect. When and where, Y/N?” 

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Now, this seemed like a bad idea. Or, an idea that was born to fail.

Walking through the park, eyes flitting from your Maps app to the unfamiliar surroundings on the one part of campus you never quite visited — mainly because it was a hang out area, lots of seating areas, and well, it would be a nice place to be to read and listen to music and just relax, but it was never empty — you couldn’t help but feel like you wanted to be sick. Your slip on shoes scraped against the concrete under your feet, a painful rhythm to the thundering of your heart. 

How long do you think you can keep doing this? Thoughts like these filter through your ears, rounding your mind as sharp as a hiss but as light as a breeze. 

Beomgyu had said he’d be waiting, messaging you with live updates of where he would be and when he would arrive, and three minutes prior to this moment, he had texted:

from: beoms

IM ALIVE I MADE IT BY MYSELF ID LIKE TO THANK MY MOM AND DAD FOR RAISING ME SO BRAVE IM A SOLDIER 💪💪

You knew what he looked like, so you knew what to look for. However, it didn’t make it less strenuous on your heart. You felt like it was going to give out, your hands trembling from around your hold on your phone. He had no idea what you looked like. That scared you.

But what scared you more was—

Unruly hair, boba-like eyes, long eyelashes, pretty lips. Even with half a glimpse, you still stopped in your tracks at the knowing of who was before you. Beomgyu.

You swear you almost dropped your phone and fled the scene, but surprisingly, your anxiety had some semblance of restraint for you. 

Beomgyu really was right in front of you, seated on a bench, feet rolling left and right on the skateboard, gazing down at his phone rather pensively like he was looking at it and not looking into it. You wanted to run off.

But your feet carried you over to him, keeping some distance between you and this very guy. Voice perked up, all functions from the surprising courage of your body, all for you to try his name, “Beomgyu?” 

He looked up immediately, blinking a few times, like he had forgotten what he was doing, and it made you worry, ready to flee and forget this whole thing had even happened, but then, things clicked. It was a visual story. 

Realization slowly became of his face, from the widening of his eyes, mouth forming an ‘o’, the skateboard nearly slipping right from under him as he scrambled to stand, and his mouth stuttered on some word that you later realized was your name. Beomgyu seemed to know you even if he had no confirmation. 

“Y/N?” He asked for the fourth time, all while you pocketed your phone to nod shyly. A joyous screech from him made you flinch as he pedaled over to you, arms opening and for a second, you were sure he was going to tackle you, until he paused just mere inches from you, the proximity making you sweat even more than you already were. So close. 

It felt like a dream. Silly to say of which you’ve had many. Of meeting, of navigating the end of the world together, of being in a zombie apocalypse together, of all the craziest scenarios your dreams can create, but there were also nightmares. Of this. Of him seeing you for the first time and being grossed out by what he sees. Of him refuting your friendship because of what you look like. 

Beomgyu’s boyish beautiful smile paralyzed you, pretty features absolutely enthralling, dark rounded eyes that were full of wonder and joy that had to look down for you, curtained by long eyelashes, grown out brown hair that you’d seen through recent pictures, and the light but generous scent of his fragrance — something like lavender, linen, musk, and some other earthy scent that you swore you’ve smelled on your mom or something like that — with sun kissed skin even in the low light of the lampposts.

Your eyes just scanned everywhere, unable to resist the canvas before you. It shocked you. It pleased you. It overwhelmed you.

“Y/N,” you heard and blinked back to the anxiety that palpitated in the pit of your belly. Your eyes locked with his, that same smile on those lips. “Is it… is it okay if I hug you? Y…you’re not sick or anything, are you?” He laughed minutely at his own question, but it was moreso out of pure glee like he was unable to believe even his own eyes. 

Beomgyu didn’t seem to care too deeply about you wearing a face mask, which steadied your heart. At least that was what you had told yourself then and there. With a quick nod, pause then head shake, and some reassurance of a lie, some distorted truth to enable the disguise, you felt like a fraud who didn’t deserve to be embraced by your best friend after so long, after having been convinced you’d never even meet. Your half-covered face just smushed against his clothes as he squeezed you tight in his arms, enveloping you in quite a bear hug. Hints of flowers, of soap, of tea, of a fresh breeze were in his clothes in his scent, something you found yourself wanting to stay forever in. How spoiled were you to let yourself be here in his arms? 

Like a bomb, your rapidly beating heart ticked faster until you were the first to pull away, lowering your head but trying to make eye contact. A shimmer was in Beomgyu’s eyes, but he still smiled. 

He always smiled. 

ACT II.

One thing about you was that you had never really showed Beomgyu how you looked, and another thing about you that you didn’t know was that it scared the crap out of him. At some point, he had even told his friends about how it worried him. One of them had even suggested calling Nev and Max from Catfish, but everything, he felt, everything about you was real. You showed pictures of other things but not one ever exhibited your face, in any shape or measure. You were real. Genuine like a priceless gem. And meeting you, well, that had only immortalized that idea. 

But, you didn’t know that. 

from: beoms 

do u think it’s too early for me to tell u that i already miss u? 

After having showered and well, cried extensively while showering, you came straight to your phone to find this text from Beomgyu. Words like this from him weren’t new; he could say the darnedest things, some of the most heartfelt pieces in between the silliest, most unserious phrases. That was how his heart was: naïve in the way a child loves but just overall so pure, tender, and intelligent. 

After your hug, you both chatted about the aftermath of the fire during your class, about your schedules, about your days ahead, and it was getting darker, so Beomgyu had walked you back with the promise of plans tomorrow.  None of it had been done as smoothly as you'd wanted: you struggled to look in each other's eyes, laughed nervously, blushed, sweat, and awkwardly sauntered away from the other when the night became of day.

from: you

absolutely not :( i miss u too 

With that commitment of hanging out tomorrow, unable to quite say no when both your hearts unraveled through and through each fired up text message, time bled into the swing of things. Bidding each other good night like you always did to bidding each other good morning, again, like you always did. 

You only had one class for this brand new day, but you met up for study group, wherein you never actually said anything, but it was easier for you to learn when it was your classmates’ talking up the lectures. 

Of course, none of the content soaked in the sponge of your mind. It was dense with its own precipitation of your preoccupation of seeing Beomgyu. Again. 

It pained you. 

Because no matter how over the moon you felt about finally existing in the same time and space of your best friend, your insecurity didn’t let you enjoy it. 

And it was one thing for you to be friends online, but to be friends in real life? Wouldn’t things change?

“Wow, since when has that guy belonged to our class? He’s really cute…” while copying a few formulas for the study group lab, whispers caught your attention, making you look up, and freeze to find Beomgyu walking as naturally as can be for someone who was clearly not a part of the class. He wore a simple blue sweater, his wired headphones loosely hanging from around his neck, backpack hanging off one shoulder, and a plain, handsome smile on his face. He looked in his element. Like he belonged in any scene. Wouldn’t it be tarnished if he came close to you?

Plans to hang out together had been made for after your study group, but here was Beomgyu, joining you halfway through, coming over to you, a grin that only got bigger and bigger, with what you noticed was a coffee in one hand. Here he was coming to sit next to you, where no one ever sat, where you’d made sure no one could ever get near. 

You simply watched him in amazement, blinking, letting your classmates whisper among themselves, and allowing him to settle beside you. The process came with a cheerful greeting of your name, passing the drink directly in your hand, rubbing your fingers as he exchanged it, shrugging off his backpack, and whipping out his phone to simply place down in front of him. He even started getting out his laptop, noisily doing so, which got even more attention. Beomgyu couldn’t help but laugh at your growing sheepishness. 

“What?” He asked like he wasn’t aware of the angelic halo that shimmered off him from his dazzling aura. He must really be loved. And he was. By you.

“Nothing…!” You whispered out between breathy giggles, making room for him, and anxiously fidgeting your hand because your body felt downright stumped to be next to him. “Here’s your drink, Y/N. Sorry, I almost took a sip out of it since it looked so good.” He nudged the drink closer to you, patting the backside of your palm to give you a sweet smile. Only reason he added emphasis was because he knew you were anxious. Hesitantly, you nodded and grabbed onto it, looking into the drink before looking back up to see he hadn’t looked away from you yet. 

“Thank you, Beomgyu. You didn’t have to get me anything. Didn’t you get anything for yourself?” Everything sounded like you were out of breath, but he shook his head, shaggy hair bouncing healthily. “No problem, Y/N. Technically, it’s not a coffee but a tea refresher, so drink up and enjoy. And I finished my tea earlier then ordered yours once I was on my way.” 

A refresher that you have loved since forever. He remembered?

“Hmm…” you hummed and tried to balance giving your attention to Beomgyu, calming down, and scarcely trying to focus on the class conversation. Beomgyu’s palm wrapped around the back of your hand and squeezed in a way that made you wiggle your fingers. 

Your eyes moved from your laptop screen to his hand on yours back up to his face. “Just breathe…” he mouthed over to you. Beomgyu was typing with the other hand on his opened up document, things that didn’t even apply to him or his major, simply for you. 

As the dullness of your anxiety drifted away, you slowly were able to think a bit easier, to narrow down the “problems”. 

You had to take off your mask to drink the tea in front of him, or else you’ll look like a jerk. That was the main concern. Secondly, you wanted to make Beomgyu happy and spend time with him. Third, you wanted to get everything written down so you could study later.

It seemed like he was helping you out with that last one, and your heart quivered with the hope that you weren’t making Beomgyu unhappy, but rather the contrary. You just had to take it off to take at least one sip to show your gratitude. Just a little sip, even. 

The study group eventually died down with documents and flash cards being distributed via your group chat, but you and Beomgyu remained. One of your classmates had even turned around to give you a wink, giggling with a ‘you think they’re gonna kiss?’ under her breath to her companion. You hoped to God he hadn’t caught that…

“You ready to go?” Beomgyu closed his laptop after having basically typed all you needed; his fingers worked fast. Deadly fast. All this time, you had waited to see this skill up close. Awed as you were, you still couldn’t think straight. You hadn’t taken one sip yet. He stretched to pop his fingers, swiveling to face you in the chair. 

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat to come back to reality, eyebrows knotting and curving with worry. “Sorry… didn’t mean to shut down on you this entire hour… And you didn’t have to meet me here. You must’ve been so bored having to type up all this nonsense.” His smile appeared relaxed but kept widening with every word of yours. 

A part of you wanted to apologize for the very obvious lack of sips to your gifted drink. But, then that meant that you’d have to apologize for your appearance. But, then that would mean he’d have to look at you. And then, that meant —

“Hey, come on already~ I told you: you don’t have to apologize for anything, Y/N. This was so much fun. I got called cute today and I got to hang out with you before the real hang out. This was like a delicious appetizer, to be honest!” You surprised yourself with a laugh, making him do the same. 

“We can get some real food right now, though if you’re — ” “No!” You slapped a palm over your mask-covered mouth, blinking in shock and apologies. Beomgyu’s eyes only spoke from his expression: another blinking stare. “S-sorry… I um, can’t stomach anything right now. We can just… do what you had planned already.”

He arched an eyebrow with a suspicious face, furrowing one eyebrow and pouting. 

“If you say so, Y/N! We… um… we don’t have to do anything if you don’t feel well though.” He was standing up now, backpack on his shoulder, brave smile on his face but he looked worried. 

“I promise I’m well enough to hang out. Just have chronic tummy ache.” You commented, moving to follow him out the door with your own packed up backpack, too preoccupied over the idea of the reality that you’re going to have to show him how you look like at some point, maybe work on makeup during time apart… 

“Wow, you’re a real warrior.” He giggled under his breath as you both walked out the building onto your next destination. 

And the drink? Long forgotten by you. 

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Sadly, you both were shy with each other. Sheepish, struggling to hold eye contact, giggling and blushing madly at the pace of conversation, at the gift of being in each other's presence. Still, despite the bumps in the road, it all came together because hanging out with Gyu felt natural very quickly. Like scarily fast.

For that day, his suggestion had been perfect! You’d gone out to the bookstore then the Music Store, where you each bought things: you, two novels, and Beomgyu, two CDs. After that, you’d gone to the fields to just sit and relax, Beomgyu whipping out a small quilt from his backpack. You’d teased him for his Mary Poppins dupe, asking where you could find one. He thought that comment was funny, evidence in his squeaky laugh echoing off the hills around you. Beomgyu had whipped out a portable CD player and gave you a headphone and silently read with you, hovering over your shoulder to read, and making you wait on him because he read very slow. At some point, though, he felt too close, perhaps at an angle where he could see in your mask, so you had slammed your book shut and moved to sit across from him to give a ‘what’s in my bag’ haul. Beomgyu seemed down for a moment after that, but before you could even ask, he was back to normal before you knew it. 

Interestingly enough, you both were new to the area; while you and he dormed in this area, it was new territory for the two of you, meaning new sights to see, new things to conquer. Really, that just allowed the two of you to start off on the same page. Though, it was beginning to look like Beomgyu had to put in the work for both of you.

He always texted first.

But, it probably wasn't that big of a deal.

The next day, you and he had to attend a meeting with everyone from your linguistics class that you’d both been emailed about the night before. Your professor had been fired, just like the student center, but rather than giving an A for the course as promised, you were instead to take the reminder of the course through a different instructor, who was much, much harder on you than that professor who’d nearly gotten you all killed. 

To fight off the blues of knowing the tough journey ahead, you and Beomgyu both ditched your second classes to go to the local amusement park, where you both ventured on nearly all the rides, ones that you’d never have gotten on by yourself. Due to being throttled around in the air, your mask had nearly flown off, but it stayed on, your fingers tightly knit on the sides. It was fun to scream at the top of your lungs with Beomgyu, who’d gripped tightly onto your hand for each and every one. You paid for Beomgyu’s turns at the stands to play games; the natural skilled guy he was won handfuls of plushies, one of them being a teddy bear that he generously gave to you. He’d insisted on giving you all his winnings, but that had been the compromise you came up with. 

It felt like a friendship that had always existed because it was. 

That night, he invited you over for dinner with his friends, but you’d turned him down. 

It seemed like, without even knowing, you were going to be doing that a lot — letting him down. It was strange because for someone who was severely anxious and strived to be self aware all the way down to the cells in their own matter, you were also hopelessly clueless. 

And judging by the way things turn out, it wasn’t the good kind. 

ACT III.

After a week of goofing off with the other, hanging around campus and off campus, things took a wide turn when your linguistics class started up again. You and Beomgyu decided that you’d arrive at the same time in order to sit with each other; you'd thought it through. Having each other was going to ensure your success. 

For a while, it worked out because you endured this god awful class together.

Life fell into a routine: going to class together, spending time together afterwards either studying or simply doing nothing, and outside of that, texting sparsely and FaceTime-ing also sparsely. Your workload with this new professor seemed borderline torturous with pop quizzes, strict deadlines on frequent and lengthy assignments, overlapping group projects, online and in-class discussions, and not to mention the extra work put in to reading and understanding the textbook and lectures, which hardly made sense when applied to the exams. It felt like Hell, and it was only less than the second half of the semester that you endured since the fire incident.

Beomgyu took the weight of the course change and all his other course work like a champ, visibly drained but cheerful as always.

Sometimes he'd bring you breakfast that he painfully knew you wouldn't eat in front of him but he secretly hoped you'd eat behind closed doors. Other times, most really, you brought him coffee, tea, snacks, and breakfast. You'd even formed your own study group with him, but due to his popularity and the overwhelming amount of classmates, you never showed up after the first time.

For midterms, you'd both barely made it out alive.

When Halloween had come around, Beomgyu had wanted to hang out with you to watch bad scary movies, but then you had a bad acne breakout and you also caught the flu, isolating yourself for an entire weekend.

When it came down to fall break, you and he were supposed to have sleepovers, but you'd declined that suggestion pretty hard. There was an awkward lull for a day or two after that, but you'd found something else to blame it on. Lying.

Right before finals, you'd helped him dye his hair. Messily and not professionally, might you add, but Beomgyu loved it. He sent you a selfie every morning after that.

You didn't hang out everyday since he needed his days in, especially with his boys (who you continued to decline meeting), just the way you did. It was a wonder to you both as to when you'd finally open up. There was no rush, so he said. So he said.

These past few months have been fun! Lonely and painful and ugly as your life may be, meeting your best friend in person definitely made everything better.

Yet, even after all this time, not once had you shown a glimpse of your face to Beomgyu. Sure, lots of good times and moments were shared between you. None of it ever involved eating. Sadly, this meant that you'd have to give up meals so as to not eat in front of him. A part of you still felt like a fraud no matter how much you tried to ignore it, because by hiding your face, you couldn't help but feel like hiding other parts of yourself that you felt were ugly. Sure, having been online friends with him for two years had led to you two being incredibly close, but even you were smart enough to see that not everything had to be shown, not even to someone you loved.

Sometimes that meant shutting them out...

It happened a lot, or rather, he was used to not receiving the usual responses, as were you for the other — only sending a thumbs up emoji every few days to make sure the other was at least alive.

He had sent you a thumbs up emoji a day after the big linguistics final, which had, in short, brutally kicked your guys' asses. Like badly. You had yet to see if you'd both passed the class.

That had been a week ago. You'd sent the thumbs up two days ago. And, well, since finals were done, you'd expected him to be back to normal. If he was going through something, wouldn't he have just told you? That's what you both did before physically meeting. It made you worry about him.

Because he hadn't double or triple or whatever texted you? No. Because he wasn't reaching out? No. You just worried. Wondered. Dreamed. About him. Was he doing okay? Was he eating well? How had the workload been on him for midterms? Did his roommates go through the same thing? Did they give him a hard time? You doubted it with the way he loved them visibly, audibly.

from: you

hey gyu sorry for the super late reply 😭 but how did finals go for u?

The longest it had ever taken Beomgyu to reply to you was eleven hours, and that had been a year ago when he had had a full blown family day, meaning he stayed up drinking with his dad, his brother, and his best friends. Today, he broke that record, and you couldn't help but worry. Worry in a bad way.

Maybe he stayed in to game the entire day. It didn't sound ridiculous since he had told you he gamed for hours and hours, and maybe as soon as his last midterm was done, that was what he wanted to do to relieve himself.

Throughout September, during the recesses of your daily routines, you and he would go over to each other's houses. When you'd gone to his, his roommates would always be gone (so as to not make you uncomfortable) and you'd watch him game, idly on his bed: sometimes watching a show on your phone, studying, or reading. Nevertheless, something about watching him game felt nostalgic. The thought of it did.

Piles and piles of 'you're selfish' flooded in your mind as you fought the urge to reach out physically. It wasn't even for your sake. You just wanted to know if he was okay considering the last time you'd seen each other, he had hardly said a word to you, only his face spoke: showing a tired, vacant expression. You had been too broken in your own way to do anything but give him a hand squeeze right before the exam that had taken three hours. Beomgyu had finished earlier than you, giving you a few tired blinks and a smile that somehow stretched to his eyes, before officially walking out the door.

You just wanted a real life thumbs up emoji. That was what you needed.

The measure to acquire such a sign took the impossible. It meant that you had to go to his apartment. Thus, why you had been standing at his front door for the past four minutes, fiddling with your sleeves and your face mask, fingers fidgeting in attempts to calm down enough to even knock. So much anxiety that you failed to pinpoint what it was stemming from. Beomgyu? Did he finally admit to hating you? Was it his friends? Is Beomgyu okay? Who would open? Would they ridicule you and laugh at you?

A couple of voices grew closer to the door until ultimately, curiosity collided with reality, and the door swung open to reveal a couple of very tall guys who simply stared down at you with soft, wide eyes.

"Um..." the tallest of them said while the other two just glanced between you and the others, making your heart thunder in your ears. Another person seemed to be behind them. "Why are you guys still standing here? Aw, waiting on me, aren't you guys? Oh." The owner of that voice parted through the other three like the sea, blinking at you. You recognized him through the one of the photos Beomgyu had sent you. Yeonjun.

He blinked at you carefully, slowly glancing down to your tapped lock screen where he saw Beomgyu's selfie. (Beomgyu did that, and who were you to have changed it?) It all came together on his face at that.

"Ah! Oh, my God, you're Y/N?! Come in, come in!" Yeonjun immediately shouted and stepped back. It was at your name that the others got it, too, making shocked expressions and overall ecstatic features. You were practically ushered with their hand waves, and you were also touched at how they backed up to make space for you. After briefly introducing themselves to you, they suddenly began whispering. You neared closer so as to get closer to their volume.

"Okay, Y/N, so happy that you're here first of all, may I just say, and anyway, we were about to go get food and come to bring it to Beomgyu. Still can't get over how you're the Y/N..."

"Focus, Soobin!"

"Shhh!"

"You shhh!"

"Y/N," Taehyun garnered your attention, speaking softly under the umbrella of Kai, who merely chuckled. You nodded, doing your best to see how this pertained to your best friend. He smiled warmly at you. "Beomgyu's been burnt out lately. He's had a cold for the past few days, but it's because he hasn't been taking care of himself. He's told us lots about you, but since he's been by himself, he's kinda refused to see anyone, and this whole time... well, we wondered if he would be open to seeing you. We never knew how to contact you."

"Maybe it's fate that you found us. Thank you for showing up." Kai whispered, closing his eyes gently for a smile. Had your mask not been on, they would have seen how hard your frown trembled your lips. Your hands by your sides formed determined fists. If the situation was different, Yeonjun thought he would have cooed.

"Did you come over to see Beomgyu?" Soobin asked, having to look down at you even crouched slightly. You fumbled in your gaze. It took so much to even speak now.

"Well, yeah," your voice worked. "He... he hadn't responded to me, and it's... easy for me to get in my own head, and I just had to see for myself. It's um, nice to finally meet you all. I'm sorry I never said yes." You bowed your head in shame, and they quietly booed, disagreed with little 'no, no, no''s.

"Please don't be sorry, Y/N. Everything happens at its own time. We are just happy you are in Beomgyu's life." Taehyun added, and something behind your eyes wished to give way, but there was more important matters at hand. So, you smiled and thanked them, mustering up the courage to be strong for your best friend.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Stress-induced colds were not new to you conceptually. You'd probably had one during midterms, but seeing someone you love go through something you have suffered by yourself with made the pain a lot more tangible.

They told you not to knock, letting you know they'd be in the living room if you or he needed anything, and you'd stepped in as you'd gotten a hold of the knob. Beomgyu was sleeping in a way that showed you he'd only dozed off due to fatigue. His head was dropped onto a pillow, cheek smushed, a controller loosely in his hand, a blanket haphazardly around his legs. His under eyes were sunken in. It looked like he formed a little nest around himself.

"Beomgyu..." You whispered once you had came to the edge of his bed, a hand running through his sweaty locks, and that was all it had taken to make his eyes flutter open, dazedly taking you in his sleep-ridden sights. "Y/N? No way..." he blinked as you tried to show a smile through your eyes.

"What-what are you doing here?" His voice was hoarse, almost two dimensional in its deep pitch. Red rimmed eyes and nostrils, flurry of tissues tossed right where your feet were, minute shivers — it was true he was suffering. You blinked a bit, playing with a frilly corner of his sheets, the ones you found a second refuge in throughout these past months. "I wanted to check on you."

"Why?" Through the thick of his sinuses, he sounded sad. You blinked, trying to decipher the true tone.

"Wh-what do you mean 'why'? Beoms — "

"Y/N, please... please don't hurt me more than you've already hurt me..." he muttered tiredly through weak coughs. He looked so frail curling in on himself. Your frown hardened, bottom lip wobbling, ready to surrender to a cry. "Huh?" This was becoming a nightmare somehow. "Beomgyu, what do you-how can I fix this? I'm-I'm lost, please..." he shivered, weakly trying to sit up but still doing it. On his own, having refused your help.

"Look. The semester's done and over with. You... you don't have to pretend anymore. I've tried my best to ignore the way I feel, but to me, with the way you just... I know you're the kindest person , but you can be really careless, you know?"

You blinked rapidly in attempts to divert the oncoming tears.

"Me?" Your pain came out a color you had never thought could bloom.

"Yeah!" He raised his voice a little. A part of you figured much of this was from the cold, but why did it answer your some of your biggest fears?

"I'm sorry, but I know we've been friends for the past two years, but why do I feel like you're becoming a stranger on purpose? I feel like you dislike me secretly. Detest me even. It hurts so much more to pretend, Y/N. Just come out and say it. I mean, you don't let me near you, it's like you're grossed out by me. I thought, I don't know, you'd noticed by now. I know you're hyperaware of lots of things, but it feels like you choose to ignore it. Like you wanna be cruel." You wanted to word vomit, deny everything, explain it all, but you could only stare at him.

"Are-are you seriously this pained by me not being comfortable with you?" Your voice shook, sniffles bundling. "You know, I'm not comfortable with anyone, not even myself."

"But, I'm not just anyone. At least I shouldn't be. You treat me as if you're constantly getting ready to leave but never do, can never get close enough, and it's fucking torture." Beomgyu spat, crossing his arms and looking at the wall.

"What point are you even trying to make? I don't-I-I don't understand it! All I hear is that you don't want me here!" You raised your own voice, too. He sat up at that to look at you. This was something you've never wanted to see: Beomgyu upset or mad with you.

"Because I don't! I'm telling you how I feel and being sensitive with you — "

"I am being sensitive with you!" "No, you are fucking not!" "You're the one who needs to be sensitive!" "You're the one — "

At this point, the argument was beyond you, and you both were just letting out steam on the other, like two windly taut kettle pots. It seemed like some petty fight that you both had no interest in even winning anymore, feeling the loss in the looks of each other's eyes.

"Get out of here, Y/N!" At that sharp yell of his, you'd flinched but remained strong, now glaring. No room for you to even kneel and cry. No room for you to show the true weak link in your already decrepit being. No room for you to try and fight for an agreement. No room for you to even defend yourself more than you already had. You didn't deserve it.

Just as you were ready to stomp out, fist shaking, lips sputtering in attempts to curb your cry, you found a little wiggle room.

One hand on the knob and you turned to see Beomgyu's shimmering eyes, his own mouth curling with a cry.

"Beomgyu," your voice was full again, even and calm. "If you knew... I think you'd understand."

"Yeah, but I don't." His wet, hoarse tone indicated his level of temperament.

"But, you will."

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Everything else followed pretty seamlessly. The walk out the apartment came out a lot easier than you thought, considering how you avoided their eyes, apologized as you sped out the door.

The ghosting part was not.

In fact, it absolutely sucked.

You didn't lose your online friend. You lost your best friend, too, even maybe four, new friends. No goodbye or anything. Sure, it was cowardly to accept fate this way.

But, it didn't matter. Hardly anything did. There was one week left for you to remain in your dorm before you'd head home for the holidays, and even then, your plan was to continue the Bella Swan New Moon-era act you had been pulling since a few days ago. Somehow not even your insecurities that had ruined your friendship with your best friend mattered. You didn't care to look in the makeup, let alone get up to take care of yourself.

Since the downfall, you'd been lying in bed all day, rotting practically, with a sitcom playing over and over again on your laptop.

There was hardly anyone on campus since everyone had left because they finished their courses early and who wanted to be out during the cusp of winter?

The year was ending. It had been an eventful past few months. The friendship having lasted nearly three years now... You had only wished for it to last longer, for it to end better though selfishly you had never once wanted it to.

On the day before the campus closed, you decided to write Beomgyu a letter, allowing him to wield the power to throw it away or read it. Even going so far as to deliver it inside his mail slot at his apartment. Inside, you apologized for every thing you could think of, including the basis of your argument, wishing him well, reassuring him in the best way you can of your love for him, and had you been born looking like someone else, perhaps you would have been able to love entirely the way he deserved.

Funnily enough, later that day, dead in the night, despite the lack of a stamp, that letter was returned to sender by Beomgyu himself, who nearly broke your door down with how hard he had been pounding. Like the freaking police...

from: beoms

OPEN THE FUCGINK DOOR RNJNJNTRN

OPENNFNNNN!!!!!! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

THIS IS THE CIA!!! FBI!!!! NCIS!!!! LAW AND ORDER!!!!! CRIMINAL MINDS!!!!!! THIS IS THE PRESIDENT!!!!!!

IM SO SORRY I WAS SUCH AN ABBY LEE MILLER PLEASE IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN SHIT THAT I SAID ESPECIALLY SINCE IM JU ST DUMB PLEASE OPENNENUPPPPPP

If only you could check your phone...

ACT IV.

The truth was that nothing scared you more than being seen. You were terrified, obsessed, haunted, tortured by the way you looked. It seemed silly that at this age, you could be so afflicted by such a thing, but it had been true for much of your life, even as a child.

It seemed natural to try and avoid the discovery of such an ugly sight to the one you loved. Wasn't that what love is? This was how you protected him.

"Okay, okay! I'm here! I was in the bathroom!" You hollered on your way to the door, wondering if you'd gotten in trouble with the RA.

Once you open the door, revealing a very out of breath Beomgyu whose fist was ready to have fallen back on the door but had paused as soon eye contact was made. Those round, angelic eyes just took you in. Your own did the same, but not quite as majestically. All words eluded you.

It was freezing cold outside considering his reddened nose and cheeks, sparse melted snowflakes on his long eyelashes and dyed hair.

"Y/N," Beomgyu finally voiced.

"Beomgyu," you said calmly, in the same tone as his to tease, though it didn't do much to cover your disbelief that he was here.

He threw his head back to exhale, still catching his breath, pointer finger up in the air. You almost felt bad. Worse than how you already felt.

Wordlessly, you gently pulled him inside your dorm, shutting the door behind him as he did his best to muster up to say what he had to say.

"Do you love me?" He managed, arching a thick eyebrow, and combing his hair back away from his face. His thick lips formed a pout: adorable but so concerned.

"Of course, I love you." You said like it wasn't a matter of question. He sighed, leaning against the wall.

"No, I know you love me. I'm asking if you love me love me. You know..." It was evident that he grew shy in the way he had said it: sounding so sure in the beginning but voice lowering as if he had never admitted it to himself before then. You could feel your heart pounding in your brain, in your ears, in your eyes, screaming in your pulses.

"Do you love me love me?" You couldn't help but ask, stepping over his question, which made him groan lightheartedly. "I asked first!"

That made you both grin, ignoring the heat in your faces.

Beomgyu's eyes doubted. There was always a hint of it in his pretty eyes that reflected wonder. And you'd caught it from the moment you both collided, even before through video calls. He was real. You had never known love before Beomgyu; it felt silly, immature even. It seemed foreign, but it was because it was new.

"I do." You nod through glimmering eyes, vision getting blurrier and blurrier. It was a confident answer through body language, your ever fidgeting fingers now clutched tightly in your sleeves. "I love you. I love everything about you, Beomgyu."

There it was. A shaky breath followed by a laughter wet with tears. Beomgyu even laughed with his throat, hearty and strong, looking up at the ceiling to blink away his tears.

"God, finally..." he said under his breath, and you couldn't help but laugh at that.

"I mean it," you assured, voice thinning out. "I adore you."

Beomgyu looked giddy. He kept grinning at the ground. Despite your thundering heart, a part of you relaxed at the way he just looked so happy, simply at the prospect of your love for him. The other heavier part wailed in silence at the lack of reciprocation. He had valid reasons to not —

"Y/N, will you let me tell you how I feel about you?" His sweet but gravelly voice suddenly resounded near you, now that he had taken a step closer to you. Beomgyu smiled easily, warmth radiating from his eyes. Oh, this guy liked you liked you. Your face and body was practically engulfed in flames of intense heat and sweat. Your insecurities and fears were just a cry far quieter to the disbelief of Beomgyu just being within reach. Back. Yours.

"Gyu..." you sniffled from behind your face mask, blinking away the tears that pooled and pooled. "You don't even know what I look like. You're going to change your mind." This warning you gave him secretly felt like a plea to 'please don't change your mind' and 'please don't go'. Beomgyu made you watch him wordlessly as he brought a hand to cup your jaw through your mask.

"I don't think I could change my mind even if I tried," he whispered. "But, would you let me at least take a glance of the one person I've loved for so long?"

Your hesitance was met with absolute patience. A nod accompanied by errant tears began the process of you bringing your hands to discard, Beomgyu's hands gently covering them to help you. It was a slow process that made you nearly see stars from anxious you were for him to see your face. You hid your face, looking away to breathe in and out for the sake of yourself and for Beomgyu. And when you turned to look back up, your wet, teary eyes streamed a little more with a sob from your lips.

"My God, you're so... You're just..." His eyes did not hide the way they scanned all of your face: all your imperfections, quirks in your skin or facial composition. "I'm what?" You held your breath with rapt attention, lungs and heart seized in impatience, in fear, in everything in between.

Beomgyu sighed a big one, rubbing your jaw with his thumb and lowering his face down more to yours to tell you, "you're beautiful".

He held your face in his hands as if it was fine china, admiring each and every feature with an overwhelming love in his eyes and sweet words that dripped from his mouth so easily. "I love your nose, your eyes, look at these eyelashes, I love this beauty spot right here, you are just so beautiful. I wish you knew just how lovely I find you..."

You cried and cried at that much to Beomgyu's sad "no, you're supposed to stop crying!"

He craved to meet your lips with his, to come in and truly meet the face of the one he adored the most. Just as he was slowly zooming in, after calming down enough to cease your tears, your hand cupped his own jaw to stop him.

"Not so fast, Beoms. I have to take you out on a date first." You teased, but it was an idea way within what you wanted to accomplish. He visibly lit up, a small excited squeal resonated from his throat. "Yes, please. This time, I get to to be the girl who gets taken out on dates with flowers and stuff."

Blinking away his comment, you nodded. "I don't know what that means, but sure. I've been meaning to ask you on a date, pretty boy." You blushed at the way you could just say it freely, your face in his hands, and his in yours. His eyelids fluttered at your words.

"All for me?"

"All for you. You have planned every hangout. It is the least I can do. I want you to feel just as special as you make me feel." Beomgyu nodded dreamily at that. He felt like he was on cloud 9, having to calm himself down for the date and the kiss while openly being in love with you. All for him.

ACT V.

He could not wait a second more, so the date was the very next day.

Although you had never been good at gaming, that didn't stop you from making an appointment for a slot at a PC room that served his favorite kind of food and desserts, even beer. Seeing his face light up at the realization of where you'd brought him was enough joy to have lit up the sun. He was so beautiful, and he was yours. It was in the same area as his apartment, one that now was like your second home — now that you had four, new best friends.

You both tried playing a two person game on one PC, but since you were ridiculously terrible, the date soon turned into you watching him play. Of course, he played his games with a big pout, upset at how he missed your loser skills. His teasing laugh only sealed the deal, leaving you to resume your unfair matches in his games.

Beomgyu was a real gamer. His commentary and reactions so endearing and hilarious to watch; he just possessed such contagious positive energy. You felt so happy. The date lasted hours and even after leaving the PC room, you took him to a small arcade to play some more. He helped won you a few giant prizes, sort of as pay back for one of the first times you'd hung out at an amusement park.

Once you were on the walk back, full of snacks and arcade food, stopping by for candy for a movie night with the guys, Beomgyu led you to a stop right over the bridge that you and he would take every morning to walk to that dreadful class.

"Yes?" You arched an eyebrow and jutted out your lip in confusion. Beomgyu had insisted you not wear your face mask, if you were comfortable, and with his endless praise, you did just as he had asked. It was a miracle.

He held your hand in his, locking fingers with you and his grin turning to a smirk.

"Y/N, I just wanted to thank you..." his ears burned red. You smirked in turn this time, eyes soft and tender for him. "What for, pretty boy? You're the one I should be thanking..." he giggled heartily at that, squeezing your hand.

"Y/N darling... I just wanted to thank you for having been there for me always. And for never giving up on me, and caring for me, and reassuring me all the time, and just taking me out. I feel so special and... good... when I'm with you," his shy confession made your eyes prickle. You nodded in encouragement, so he could keep going. He obliged, leaning down to press a kiss to your knuckles.

"Especially for taking me out with gaming. It really, really means a lot to me. Not-not as much as you, but... it's just that the reason I game is because I don’t have anywhere to go. All this time, I’ve been waiting for someone to invite me to go shopping together or something like that, just something. I’d look out the window and think to myself ‘wow, I really want to go out’ because the weather is so nice, but there’s no one that’s invited me to go. Even if my friends invite me out, it’s usually night time... and then, I met you." Your lips trembled into a pout. With a chuckle, Beomgyu's thumb caught your tears that were waiting to give at your bottom lashes. "I just really love you, Y/N. I'm so lucky to have you."

"I love you, Beoms." Your words came out muffled with the way you dove in to give him a bear hug, which he accepted generously.

Being in his embrace made you feel like you were a real person in a real home; it was safe. Perhaps you wouldn't be so easily free from the weight of your insecurities and he with his own doubts, but between the two of you, you would always be together, and you could always find home.

#i finally did it mwhahhah #txt imagines #txt x reader #txt scenarios #beomgyu x reader #txt angst #txt fluff #tomorrow x together imagines #tomorrow x together x reader #beomgyu imagines

[breathing-the-same-air]

Hey, lovely souls. Just here to spread a kind word for anyone who's feeling (understandably) down today🩷

So OFMD has been officially cancelled. Is this the end? Of course not. It will never be.

I mean, even if we'd got S3 there would have been an end to it too. Is it unfair that our awesome cast & producers didn't get to finish what they started in the way they envisioned it? Of course. Is the tv industry absolute shit? Hell yes! So many good shows are cancelled every day, and so many more never even get to exist. We got OFMD for two seasons, a blessing none of us ever expected, that changed our lives in so many ways, that saved so many lives. And if you think about the ending, even though the last episode was rushed and budget was cut and all, we still got such a wonderful, poetic ending, Ed and Stede are together in their inn, love in their eyes, they're safe, they're happy, honestly I couldn't have asked for anything better.

The thing is, things in life are limited (apparently), but the underlying truth to that is that things that truly matter are infinite.

How so? I'll tell you a scientific truth: time does not exist, at least not as we understand it. Because time is just like space, ever-present, every moment in time is actually forever alive. Nothing can ever truly die.

Which leads to another truth: we are infinite, just like the Universe, for we are Universe too. We are stardust and love, and Love is infinite.

We are all one, you and I and everyone out there, we're one same thing. There is no end to something that was created with love. And damn, I've never seen such an outrageous, wonderful outburst of love in my whole life! There is true magic in what we created together, fans, cast, crew, producers... we healed one another, we came together because one day someone just as crazy as us envisioned this absolutely mad world of kindness and inclusion and diversity and sheer joy and against all odds the moment we saw it we jumped on the ship without thinking twice. We made it possible for this show to get a second season, and more than anything, we built this wonderful world around it.

Stories are so much more than imagination, they're not just actors playing a role, there is a point where it stops being just a story and becomes a world on its own, and that world translates into our world, and when that magic happens, when that bridge is created, something so much bigger emerges that forever merges both worlds. It's magic and it's a blessing and I can't but be thankful for it.

My loves, I know you're sad right now. I know we all are struggling for one reason or another, we're all fighting our own battles, be it about physical or mental health, work, study, family, discrimination, or anything else. And OFMD has fought by our side and helped us win so many of those battles already. So when you're in middle of the darkness and can't imagine there could ever be light outside, remember this: we are all with you, right here, right now. Wherever you are, we are with you, and OFMD is with you. Because the things we love do never truly leave us.

We keep saying that OFMD changed us, right? That means that it's become a part of us.

OFMD is and will forever be a part of who you are—and in you, it will live on forever. Be grateful, be immensely grateful, for gratefulness is the vibration that heals the fabric of the Universe and makes miracle happens. Crew, we got something we could never have imagined to begin with!! We are so, so lucky to have had this blessing.

Take the time you need to heal, cry, let out all your pain. But then please be brave and choose kindness, just like OFMD has taught us to. Choose to raise your vibration to that of love and gentleness and dare to believe that life has wonderful things waiting for you. There is hope, there is light, there is magic in your future, a whole life just waiting for you to have the courage to take the next step.

What do you think the crew of the Revenge would have done if they had been told their ship was going to forever stop sailing? They would have thrown another Calypso's birthday party just to celebrate the chance they had to spend so much time there together, and they would have looked forward, found new reasons to be happy, and a new life. Open an inn, for instance!

They would not want us to cry, they would like us to smile and be happy because of the journey we've shared. Or at least, smile through our tears!

You are loved, you are important, your very existence is an absolute blessing to this world. Please never stop being your awesome, beautiful, magical self, because the world needs you exactly as you are- that is why you are here!

Cheer up Crew - we have been so immensely blessed. Can only be thankful 🙏💜🏴‍☠️🖤

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd cancellation #ofmd s2 #ofmd s3 #rhys darby #taika waititi #stede bonnet #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #edward teach #ed teach #david jenkins #vico ortiz #david fane #kristian nairn #ruibo qian #alex sherman #samba schutte #ofmd meta #spirituality #universe #love #spiritual healing #spiritual awakening #spiritual journey #spiritualgrowth #oneness #be a lighthouse #you wear fine things well

[gremlin-bot]

Growth of Trial and Error

So, I lied about this being put on the back burner apparently. It feels so good to post this after working on it for like two months. I hope y'all enjoy this 5 + 1 fic that was bate read by the wonderful @half-dead-ham !!! This fic also connects my other fics in my 'Petals and Arrays of The Dead and Those Yet To Be' series.

AO3 Link: here

—------ 1

Danny and Tim have been dating for a little over a month and a half. In that time they have tried to have a date night once every week… It ends up once every two weeks with random visits for a cuddle date. Danny blames the Observants and Gotham rogues for being bitches. There's only so many times that the restaurant they have reservations at somehow gets hit in an attack before they just give up on restaurants all together.

This is one of those cuddle dates. Danny was laying with his eyes closed on Tim's couch with a star pattern blanket wrapped around him. He's waiting for Tim to get back to back with popcorn so they can watch the Knives Out movies. Why would Tim want to watch murder mysteries when he literally helps solve crime as his nightly activities Danny would never get, that being said he had no room to talk. He himself often fights ghosts for fun now. It's good stress relief from royal duties. 

Speaking of royal duties, Danny was sick of paperwork and meetings. Being Ghost King was one almost useless meeting after another with even more useless paperwork to go with each one. He swears, if the Observants ask for another meeting about making more court trials he will find a way to revive them from never being alive and end them himself. All that doesn't matter at the moment because he has a tired boyfriend to cuddle, once he stops taking so long in the kitchen.

Danny opens his eyes to see Tim with a small loving smile on his face. One that Danny can't help but return.

"Aww, it's almost like you got flowers in your lungs for me again!" Danny teases 

"Hey! You have no room to talk, Mr. Blood Blossoms!" Tim's blush only gets worse with Danny's light laughter.

"Yeah, yeah and I'll never live that down." Tim rolls his eyes at the pun. Why did he have to bring another person who likes puns into his life, wasn't Dick enough? Danny lifts one side of the blanket.

"Come on sweetheart, get in here." Now how can Tim say no to that? He sets down the popcorn and the veggie tray Bruce insisted they have. Tim dives into Danny and settles in for a good old murder mystery.

They get half way through the first movie when things go wrong. 

"God these guys are assholes, you'd think that after hearing one person getting excluded they would worry about the possibility of it happening to themselves!" Danny says, grabbing a handful of popcorn from its bowl.

"I hate that I've met people like this at galas." Tim groans. 

"I hope they crash and burn. Marta deserves the inheritance at this point." Danny ends his point by popping pieces of popcorn in his mouth.

As the scene on screen changes, so does the one in Tim's living room. Danny really can't have a nice day off.

A ripping sound is hard over the cacophony of the TV. A portal to the Infinite Realms appears next to it, effectively ruining their cuddle date night. As the Observant floats out into the living room, Danny can't help but feel like he is forgetting something. 

…Oh, oh no. 

Danny realized what he forgot to tell Tim.

He is the ghost king and Tim has no fucking clue.

Oh Ancients, Tim is going to kill him a second time. That's a future Danny problem, present Danny has to handle an Observant with an uninformed vigilante boyfriend laying on top of him. 

Tim has yet to move as he is in his civvies but Danny can feel him tensing. In an attempt at comfort and making sure Tim stays in place, Danny squeezes Tim to his chest and lets out soft rumbling from his core. A signal to the other that everything will be okay, he still doesn't relax.

The Observant was impatiently waiting for Danny's acknowledgement. It doesn't wait long, not because Danny answered but because it ran out of the little bit of patience it had in the first place. The mutual disdain the Observants and Danny hold for each other is great, but Danny will always commit more than the Observants. So yes, Danny could make this easier for himself and Tim, but no. He has principals!

"King Phantom, us Observants wish to schedule a meeting with you regarding the court-'' the eyeball in a sad imagination of jello didn't get to finish its request. It got cut off by Danny's sigh.

"If it's about the same thing as before, no. As stated in the Court Acts section 12a, you can't give out Court hearings without proper approval by an Ancient and myself. Nor can a trial proceed without a pre-approved Ancient or ghost of similar position from outside the Observant branch." Danny's blank stare fixed itself on the unwanted goo encased eyeball, daring it to rebuttal.

"Yes, of course King Phantom. I will tell the others." The Observant grits out. Its goo flesh scrunching in a poor imitation of a disgruntled face. It rips open a portal to the Infinite Realms and leaves without further pestering.

Danny lifts his arm. He can hear Tim's mind trying to piece together what happened. 

"Hey, Tim? Beloved? Are you good?" Danny is starting to think that this might have broken his boyfriend. It's been a good 30 seconds since The Observant left and Tim hasn't moved. Maybe he's rebooting? As Danny is pondering the mental state of the man he's supposed to be cuddling, said man decided to roll off of him landing in a crouch.

Tim looks Danny in the eyes and says with all his heart, "What the fuck, Danny?!" 

Oh Danny might be a little fucked.

—--------

Tim is going to kill and revive his boyfriend for a second time, if he doesn't explain right now.

"So, I may have forgotten to tell you something important." Danny placates.

"Oh! What gave it away? The probable high powered ghost that portaled into my living room and broke the TV in the middle of our date, or the fact you responded to them with higher authority!" Tim's sass is amplified by the TV blinking to life and giving a static scream. 

Danny breathes in through clenched teeth, face slightly scrunched. It was adorable, making it hard for Tim to stay upset. "I'm sorry Tim. I didn't mean to keep anything from you, I just forgot you didn't know already and I just don't talk about it by default. You know I'm not used to not being around my parents and they don't know about any of-" 

"Danny, hun, you're starting to ramble. I know how it is with your parents but please explain now.”

“Sorry, I’ll start at the beginning. So, you know how I told you how I became a teen hero after my half-death.”

“Yeah…” Tim switches from crouching to sitting on the floor, eyes squinting at Danny with suspicion. He doesn’t like where this is going.

“So, there was this one time my town was pulled into the infinite realms by the old ghost king. So I had to fight him. I won in the end but, Oh the consequences of these actions."

"Oh no."Tim said quietly, reeling at the possibilities of what the downfall of a king could be.

"Fun fact, the right to the throne is earned through trial by combat. It would have been fine if not for the Realms showing affection for me. You can't argue with the semi-sentient realm between realms," Danny sighed.

“Semi-sentient in what way??! How did it show affection for you?? What do you mean it would have been fine??" What exactly was Danny involved with? Tim thought it was just ghost wrangling. He knew he should have tried harder to contact Constantine about ghosts. Doesn't matter at the moment, nothing could have prepared him for this.

"I don't know how but the Infinite Realms are just like that. It might have to do with the fact that it's where all the dead end up, so technically all lands of the dead, but I just work there." Danny shrugged, all too used to the Infinite Realms' brand of being.

"Danny, Alnilam, my dearest boyfriend, I mean this with my entire heart and soul, what the fuck?" Tim lets his head slump into Danny's arm. He was done for the day and the next two after that. He just wants to watch some murder mysteries with Danny and deal with the Ghost King shit later. It was the first day off of both Wayne Enterprises and any major case he’s had in weeks. 

The TV's static increased in volume for a moment before setting down, as if mocking him. He side eyes the TV.

"Sweetheart, if you stop glaring at the TV and give me like 5 minutes, I can fix it." Danny lightly chuckled. 

"Fine, I want to see if I'm right about what is actually going on." Tim knows who did it, he's just waiting to be proven right.

"Hey! Don't spoil it!! Not everyone is a smartass." Danny sheds the blanket as he stands, "Are you going to join me on the couch when I'm done, or are you brooding?"

"Yet here you are calling me a smartass." Tim rolled his eyes. Switching from the floor to the couch and stealing Danny's blanket in the process. He's allowed to be a bit petty. It's what he deserves after this ordeal and the ones to come when they talk in depth, but that's for later. Right now, he gets to go back to watching murder mysteries with his boyfriend.

—------- 2

Danny woke up the next day with Tim's head on his chest and a crick in his neck. That's what he gets for falling asleep during cuddle night. Carefully, he reaches for his phone, trying his best to not wake up Tim. Ancients knows how much that boy needs sleep. 

Checking the time Danny sighs. He has a meeting with the Ancients in half an hour. Looks like he will have to wake him up… or turn intangible and let him be. Danny debates for a minute before deciding fuck it. He makes himself intangible slowly, eventually Tim is laying on the couch still peacefully asleep. 

He carefully floats out of Tim's space and onto the floor. Turning tangible turns into a problem, as Danny apparently can't watch where he pops into existence. His foot ends up in his water bottle. Losing his balance he falls and hits the floor hard, this of course wakes up Tim.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Tim groggily asks.

"Trying not to wake you up while I leave for a meeting. As you can see, I failed." Danny says from the floor, not having moved yet. "I'm just going to transform right here on the floor in shame" 

"Transform?" Tim blinked, adjusting so he could fully look at Danny.

"Yeah, so I can get to the meeting on time... Wait. Tim, did you forget that I can transform?" Danny sits up, making eye contact with Tim.

"No I didn't forget, you never told me!"

"I told you the night we started dating," Danny laughs.

"Okay maybe I forgot, but it's not my fault," Tim counters.

"Oh, and how is that?" Danny teases.

"Well someone told me that he was getting severely injured by the Blood Blossoms that were in his lungs. So, forgive me for missing some details!"  

"Okay, okay, you win. I did go to my ghost doctor after, you know.”

"Good. Don't you have a meeting to get to?"

"Oh shit! Close your eyes, my transformation is a bit bright." Danny shoots up and transforms in the process. Grabbing his things around the room he almost missed Tim's reaction. If it wasn't for Tim's gasp. 

Danny turns to face Tim, his face is flushed as his eyes take in Danny's ghost form. Danny's growing smirk just makes Tim's blush darker.

"See something you like?" Danny teases, his smirk growing wicked.

"Shut up and go to your meeting!!" Tim throws a throw pillow at Danny, only for Danny to turn intangible. He didn't even have the decency to dodge.

"I'm going now, goodbye sweetheart." Danny rips open a portal with his claws, diving through just as he hears Tim's goodbye.

—---------- 3

It took two weeks for Tim to succumb to the need for information. Danny should have expected this from one of the world's greatest detectives, but the call he received at 4:16am was still a jarring surprise. He almost fell out of bed trying to answer his phone. Tim is lucky that he wasn't asleep yet. 

After a slight struggle, Danny finally answered the call "Tim, sweetheart, what could you need at this fine 4am?"

"Are you technically a god? Because according to this glowing book I got my hands on-" Tim sounds like he's been on a research binge for an unhealthy amount of time.

"Please tell me you didn't use your vigilante status to steal a book about the Infinite Realms from the Justice League's magic team or whatever they’re called."

"I may have but anyway- wait." Tim stopped mid sentence, like he was reviewing information. Danny has no clue what it could be, but he did know that it would make the conversion complicated. "I didn't tell you I was a vigilante. How did you figure it out?"

"You don't change your voice at all when ordering coffee as Red Robin." Danny says flatly. 

"That's fair and also explains why you were okay with me canceling dates last minute. I should invest in a voice changer or something."

"I think you'll be fine, sweetheart. I have a habit of remembering voices of people I’m crushing on, and heightened hearing makes that a little easier."

"If you say so… I'm still gonna look into it." Danny can hear Tim's typing pick up. At this rate the both of them won't be going to sleep anytime soon. 

"I'm not going to ask how long you've been awake, but for your own health and mine please stop researching and get some rest. Even the dead are asleep right now." Danny pleads. He knows that they both have things to do later in the day, and Danny doesn't want to fall asleep during his classes.

Tim sighs, "Fine, but after your class tomorrow can you actually answer all my questions?"

"Yes, Hun. Now get away from the computer and go to bed." Danny lightly chuckled.

"I’m going, I'm going." Danny can hear the eye roll in Tim's voice. "Night Danny, sweet dreams." 

"Goodnight Tim." Danny smiled as the call ended. Glad that he could get his workaholic boyfriend to go to bed, he relaxes back into his own bed and lets sleep take him.

—------- 4 

Tim was on the fire escape connected to Danny's apartment. Hoping to break in and set up his notebooks and other things he collected in his research into the Ghost King and by association the Infinite Realms. Unfortunately for him Danny's last class ended early, as can be seen as Danny entering his own apartment the same time Tim crawls through the window. Tim knows he looks like a kid caught red-handed faking a nonexistent Uncle, Danny's deadpan stare didn't make it better. 

"Hey, Danny…" Tim drawls as one of his notebooks falls from his grip to the floor.

"Tim, you could have used the door like a normal person." Danny sighed as he set his bag down. Tim took this time to set up on the floor with his notes spread on the coffee table. "Notebooks? That's not usually your style?"

"Yeah, I would have done my usual spreadsheets and docs but apparently Infinite Realms information crashes any and all tech. So, it's old school for now."

"Oh! Yeah, I forgot about that. I can fix that problem for you while we talk, just give me your tablet, or would you prefer your laptop?"

"Tablet please. Would you mind explaining what you're doing to it while fixing it?" Tim was ecstatic, he loved watching Danny work on his inventions. The methodical way Danny assembled work is a wonderful contrast to how they were made; chaotic and from almost nothing.

Danny's smile was absolutely smitten when he turned back to Tim with his tools. "Of course sweetheart. What do you have to ask me?"

"Okay, so I have a lot, so this is going to take a while." Tim starts as he opens a fresh notebook, pen at the ready.

It was hours of revelations and notebook after notebook. Danny was patient and explained everything the best he could. Tim was pretty sure Danny would ask for his notes after this with how thorough he's being. He honestly wouldn't be this thorough unless it was for a case, but Danny can't remember to tell anyone anything important for the life (death) of him.

"Yeah, parts of the Realms are just kinda ocean-like randomly, so if you visit we have to watch out for that." Danny explained with little fanfare.

"Why are the Infinite Realms like this?" Tim groans emphatically.

"I don't know, man. I just accept and deal with it," Danny replies with a shrug.

"Speaking of things you deal with, you can get summoned, right?"

"Yeah, I can ignore them, technically, but it's like a ringing that keeps getting louder and more annoying till I answer it."

"Huh, interesting. So, does that mean it can be used as an excuse to get out of meetings?" Tim asks with mischief lacing his words

"I… holy shit, I think it can!!!" Tim can see the excitement spread across Danny's face at the realization.

"We are trying it for our next cuddle night, if what is in this book is correct." Tim hands Danny the book he took from Justice League Dark. It's open to a summoning array with instructions underneath it.

"Oh, this is wrong. The array itself is good but the instructions on placement and gifts are either wrong or too vague."

"Oh? I should tell JLD, then." 

"Nah, don't. It'll keep me from getting summoned, plus they can always ask you if they need to summon me. Seeing that I'm giving you the correct one."

"Fair, but you better give me all the materials for it then."

"Tim, if it's you summoning me all you need is a small offering and a drop of your blood." Tim looks at Danny in confusion. Danny shakes his head in amusement. "The closer I am to a person, the less required to summon me. At some point all you need is the array and a bit of your blood."

"Oh, that's pretty smart and seems like a perfect way to cause trouble for others" a sly smile spills onto his face, thinking about all the possibilities this could bring.

"Oh, yeah! The amount of times Sam has summoned me at galas is too many to count." Danny's grin is unnaturally wide, with too sharp canines that make Tim swoon as Danny launches into a story of gala shenanigans.

—----- 5

Danny was curled around Tim in his ghost form, acting as an ice pack for his boyfriend's sore ribs. The idiot was overtaxing himself on patrol and took one too many hits. Danny doesn't mind some ghostly cuddling, but he would like it if Tim looked after himself more.

Tim relaxes into Danny more as he types away on his computer. Danny glances at Tim's screen to see that he is looking into the effects the Infinite Realms has on the mortal realm. Which would be sweet if he wasn't using it as a distraction from being banned from current cases.

"Tim, you're supposed to be resting. You know, off the laptop?" Danny lifts his head from Tim's shoulder to actually look at him in the eyes. 

Tim sighed, not stopping his typing. "This is resting, I'm barely even hacking into the government." 

"Why are you like this?"

"The trauma,” he replied sarcastically. “But anyway, it looks like the government was doing experiments at one point but stopped." Tim hummed as the clicking of the keyboard picked up speed.

“Oh, that’s just the Ghost Investigation Ward.” Danny lets his head drop to his boyfriend’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Tim’s typing only quickened with time and the new information given to him.

“Danny, why are there files about their multiple attempted captures of you, and different files detailing experiment plans that involve vivisecting you‽” Tim was no longer relaxed against Danny’s body.

“I thought they deleted those.” Danny srutines the screen, looking for anything to tell him what has happened to the plans. There in the top right corner is what he was looking for. “Sweetheart, the plans have been defunct, like we worked out when they were getting their shit together.”

“They hunted you for sport,” Tim’s unimpressed stare bore into the side of Danny’s head.

“They got better… morally.Not at the hunting thing,” Danny sighed. “Look, before senior year Tucker, Sam, and I spent the whole summer essentially reforming them. It took a lot of effort but they are ethical now, and even helped fix the shit they wrecked. I promise you they aren't a problem anymore.” Danny pleads.

“Fine.” Tim relents for a moment. "How did you even get them to reform? From what I've read they were pretty biased." 

Danny's carefree smile turns sharp. "Blackmail and aggressively shoving evidence to prove them wrong in their faces."

Tim lets out a fond huff as he rolled his eyes, as if he hasn't done worse as Robin. Tim finally lets himself relax, body goes limp against the cold form wrapped around him. A yawn escapes as he feels the pull of sleep cling to him.

“Tired enough to sleep now?” Amusement colored Danny’s voice.

Tim closes his laptop and sets it on a part of the couch not occupied. “Yeah, carry me to bed?” 

Danny chuckled as he gently picked up the injured boy and floated them to Tim's bed.

—----- +1

When Tim walked into Danny's apartment he didn't expect to see him putting what was probably Lazarus water into small vials. It looked like he had been doing this for a while. There were several different bags full of the glowing vials with the one he was filling now being one of the last.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Tim asked the dark haired boy, already expecting what the answer might be.

"Remember how I'd said I would look into the Lazarus pits for Jason?" Danny replies as he reaches for more empty vials. Tim hums and moves the vials closer to him. “Turns out to do that I need a shit ton of samples for Frostbite, so here we are.”

Tim sets his things down and settles into helping his boyfriend. "How was dealing with the League of assassins?"

"It was fine. They didn’t notice me, surprisingly.” Danny shrugs, putting more filled vials away.

“I wouldn’t say it was surprising they don’t know about ghosts.” Tim points out.

“Fair. I had a look around, they have a lot of interesting things in their base.”

“Oh, did you take anything besides the lazarus water?” Tim wonders what caught Danny’s attention. From what he remembers it could be just about anything from swords to priceless pieces of art.

“No, but I did see what I’m pretty sure was a spleen in a jar!” Danny’s smile grew almost inhumanly big. “Tim, get this! It was fucking labeled! Labeled!” Danny’s excitement is clear in his voice. Tim couldn’t completely focus on it. He only knows of one spleen that was removed under the care of the league. 

“What was it labeled?” Tim asked, nervousness creeping into his voice. Please don’t be his spleen.

Danny’s giggling was barely contained as he answered, “Ra's al Ghul’s emotional support spleen. Outsourced from RR.”

“HE PICKLED MY SPLEEN!!” Tim shouts, startling Danny into almost dropping the vial in his hand. 

Danny looks at Tim in confusion for a solid five seconds before Tim saw a look of realization bloom on his face. “Oh Ancients, RR stands for Red Robin. What the fuck!  Wait, you’re missing your spleen! How did your spleen end up there??” Danny’s distress only rises as Tim doesn't answer him.

“So. I may have forgotten to tell you something.” Tim says as his clearly innocent smile wobbles with hidden laughter.

“You think so‽” sarcasm dripping from Danny’s voice. “Ancients Tim! Is this how you felt with me?”

“Yes. Suffer.” Tim didn’t mean for this to happen but he will take this happy coincidence for everything it has.

----------- Tag List

@kyrianclawraith , @alice-hazelwood , @phoenixdemonqueen , @may-rbi , @mimilikey , @undead-essence

#dpxdc #tim drake #danny phantom #danny fenton #ghost king danny #5+1 fic #tim drake x danny fenton #Petals and Arrays of The Dead and Those Yet To Be #dp x dc fic #Writing on the walls

[manias-wordcount]

Ok so I’d like to request something but even if you’re not open to anymore requests i understand but I feel the NSFW persona community is sleeping on an amazing idea like seriously I can’t find anything of how a threesome would be with yusuke and Ryuji like I see Goro and Ren all the time but never these two I feel it would be a really icy hot situation! So if possible a Yusuke x reader x Ryuji nsfw is possible.

All is Fair (Ryuji Sakamoto x Reader x Yusuke Kitagawa)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗶 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗿𝘆𝘂𝗷𝗶 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝘆𝘂𝘀𝘂𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗯𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻! 𝗶 𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱/𝗮𝘂 𝗮𝘀 𝗦𝘄𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘆 𝗛𝘂𝗴𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚! 𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝘅 (𝗺 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴), 𝘃𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝘅, 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗷𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗲

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

You don’t think it’s fair. 

  You’ve had a crush on Ryuji ever since he transferred to your university. He was in a few of your circles, had a really cute accent, and was just so  endearing . Plus it didn’t help that he’s a track star and had the body of one too. So it was inevitable that the two of you would get closer. It was inevitable that a couple of quick glances in his direction when he was hanging out with you and your other friends turned into you waiting patiently for the text to invite you over for a movie or to just hang out at his place whenever you knew he had a free night. It turned small talk about the weather and classes and his events into inside jokes and compliments and making plans for the next time you’ll both meet.

  Simply put, it turned acquaintances into friends. And friends into best friends. And best friends into people are who just can’t help but keep their true feelings about each other secret until the right time comes. Whenever that will be. 

  So right now, you don’t think it’s fair. You don’t think it’s fair that he can just fly over one of his closest friends from Japan to stay at his place for a little visit and vacation. You don’t think it’s fair that Ryuji just insists and insists and  insists  on you meeting the guy because he “wants his worlds to collide!” or something. And you  especially  don’t think it’s fair that his friend, Yusuke Kitagawa, from back in Tokyo is  this  attractive. Enough to take your breath away for a second. Enough to cause you to stutter for a moment. Enough to make you tense up and  freeze  as he brings the back of your palm up to his lips and calls you beautiful in the same breath he kisses your skin with. No, you don’t think it’s fair at all. 

  But no matter what you think, you know that right now? You know for a fact that Ryuji is probably infinitely  more  upset with the way this current meeting is going. After all…

  … that has to be the reason why he fucks you harder every time he hears you gagging on Yusuke’s cock, right?

  “ Kuso…anata wa totemo kireida .” Ryuji mumbles from behind you, slipping into Japanese like he always does when he loses focus or says something you’re not supposed to hear. You wish you could understand him when he switches to his native language. The feeling of him sitting you on his lap while he leans back on the couch and pounds into your pussy is enough to forget what little Japanese you do already know. “ Motto hayaku kore o yarubekidatta.”

  From in front of you, Yusuke groans and utters something in response to your best friend’s words. It’s completely lost to your ears in the mix of his breathy moans. But when your eyes flicker up to look at him from beneath your lashes, the pretty boy just smiles at you a little wider. The hand he has on your chin strokes at your jawline for a second before patting it gently, almost as if to ease the ache you feel and to encourage you to open your mouth wider. It’s a bit of a strain- but you do manage to do it. 

  You’re rewarded with a pleased hum as the man in front of you takes the opportunity to slide his dick further into your mouth- hitting the back of your throat just once before he pulls back… and slams it in again.  You choke, tears stringing at your eyes, but you manage to keep your mouth wide and your tongue still moving to wrap around the underside of his cock. It’s thick and hard, and it’s making it difficult to breathe. But then Yusuke looks down at you from behind the mess of his once perfectly styled bangs and gives you a soft look as he cups your chin to ensure you can take him  deeper than you ever could before.

  “ Utsukushī”  He murmurs, dark eyes meeting with a certain fondness you wouldn’t have expected from a stranger. “ Attōteki ni utsukushī”

  You whine. The sound vibrates around the dick in your mouth as your tongue takes in the taste a bit of precum, and frustration as you struggle to guess what was just said to you. But that’s the thing. You were doing so well earlier though. Recognizing words and phrases here and there. At least, you could understand enough to stay that a fight between the two of them shortly after you arrived. About what, you’re not exactly sure. But you just know that the fight stopped when Ryuji pulled you to his side and asked if he and Yusuke could take care of you for the day.

  To put it simply, it was an oddly phrased request. You’re no stranger to those, of course, considering the fact that you spend most of your time around a boy whose second language is English. But your lack of context only served to make it even odder when you realized the tense looks on Ryuji and Yusuke’s faces had melted away into intense gazes directly solely at you- awaiting your response. But despite it all?

  You said yes.

  You said yes, because you knew you could trust Ryuji. You said yes, not knowing that it would lead to your shorts on layers on the ground and your panties in your best friend's hand and his mouth against yours as his partner for today was taking his time stretching you out nice and good with two long, long fingers tucked inside of you. You said yes, sentencing yourself to probably the best moment of your  life . 

  Exactly as you hoped for.

  “ Son'nani ranbō ni naranaide kudasai. ” Ryuji grits out from behind you again when the main living room of his apartment is filled with your coughs after Yusuke starts getting a little rough with your throat again. This time, the words that are spoken are even less familiar. And they’re just barely heard over the sounds of cock slipping in and out of your warm, wet insides and your muffled moans at the very feeling. A second later, the blonde’s hand is slipping around your chest- groping at your chest before pulling you away from the other man. “ Kanojo wa saisho wa watashi no monodeshita. ”

  Yusuke’s dick falls free from your mouth with a lewd sound. But you don’t have time to dwell before Ryuji’s hands and grabbing onto the underside of your thighs and gripping  hard  all so he can lift you up and then force you  down  onto his cock once more. The impact has you crying out- seeing stars and  feeling  them as he manages to hit a spot deep inside you that instantly turns your mind to mush. From then on, his pace speeds up. His hips shoot themselves upwards to meet the pace with which he fucks you with. His pelvis slaps against your backside, filling the room with another tell-tale sound of the dirty acts now being exactly between the two of you. At least, that would have been if it weren’t for your loud and whorish whines and whimpers and squeals whenever Ryuji makes you feel too,  too  good.

  “Don’t worry so much, she can take it.” 

  You almost don’t recognize the sound of Yusuke’s voice when he switches to English. But you more than recognize the feeling of the pretty boy’s hand on your cheek- guiding your face back forward and easing you into sticking your tongue so he goes ahead and places his cock back into your mouth. Almost immediately, your tongue reaches out and swipes at the little bead of pre-cum leaking from the head of his pretty, pretty cock. That earns you another pleased smile and a warm hum.

  “ Can’t you, pretty girl? ”

  You think you can. At least, you know you want to. You want to be good for him. You want to be good for  both  of them. That’s why you try to turn your attention back to Ryuji- for a reaction, a response, for anything. After all, you’re fucking him while sucking his longtime friend’s dick. You’re fucking your  crush  for the first time while a stranger joins in and has his own way with your mouth. He got to have something else to say, right?  Right?

  But you only manage to turn your head towards him in time to witness him littering your skin with tiny kisses with a half-lidded. From your shoulder to your neck to the underside of your jaw and the back of your ear. And for a moment he stops. He lets his eyes meet yours. A heavy, heavy brown-eyed gaze that you only dreamed of seeing late, late at night when you have no one but your hand between your thigh to keep you sane. But you don’t need that anymore. You have him now. You have both of them now. 

  And judging by the way Ryuji’s smirk can’t help but widen as Yusuke pulls your face back in his direction, you can only imagine that he feels the exact same way that you do. In fact, maybe they both do. And that makes you  excited . So, so,  so  excited.

  “ Fine… ” Your best friend relents with a roll of his hips that sends you whimpering all over again. He apologizes with another kiss to your neck, but Yusuke is already there to wipe away at the old tears across your cheeks with one quick stroke of a delicate finger before letting the tip of his cock disappear past your lips with a simple push. “ Just don’t break her .”

  “I won’t.” 

  Yusuke tells him. And for a second, you wonder if they had planned this in advance. If they had talked about you before. If they dreamed about you before. If they thought about having you- about  sharing  you before they had stripped you down today. And you wonder…wonder if they think it’s fair. You couldn’t imagine they would. You couldn’t imagine they  could . But then again, you know that the two of them are close. You know the two of them have been through a lot together. Laughter. Hardships. Pain. Joy. So who’s to say…

  “Before it’s my turn, at least .” 

  Who’s to say that this isn’t exactly what they wanted to happen after all.

#yusuke #yusuke x reader #yusuke kitagawa #yusuke kitagawa x reader #ryuji #ryuji sakamoto #ryuji x reader #ryuji sakamoto x reader #persona #persona x reader #persona fanfic #persona fanfiction #persona 5 #persona 5 x reader #persona 5 x fanfic #persona 5 fanfiction #p5 #p5 x reader #p5 fanfic #p5 fanfiction #x reader #xreader #fanfic #fanfiction

[shiftingconfessions]

Hey, Anon here from the craziest most delulu confessions you've ever received, but also chronically ill shifter who finally found hope with shifting. Surprise! I was the same person.

I wanted to come here and say this is my second to last confession. I will be sending you. You might be asking, "But Anon, why???" Well, that's because I've finally done it. I've finally connected myself to the infinite universe, and I'll be permanently shifting soon.

But first, I wanted to explain what changed and how I got to this point. It's a doozy, so hang in there for me.

To start, this has actually happened to me at least two other times. I just never realized what it was. Those other two times, I took it for granted and didn't protect it. So I lost it again. This time, I plan on protecting it with my life, but that's not the point. The best way for you to understand this is if I explain what I experienced.

So I was thinking about myself, my relationship to the universe. Mind, body, spirit, emotions, morals, experiences, litterly everything I possibly could. Then I just suddenly had this sudden realization that I needed to accept everything. I mean, litterly everything, the good and bad. Just accept it all as it is and let go, so I did. I accepted what some would call my shadow self, my experiences, my body, my mind, my life. I just let it all in.

Then I suddenly felt extremely different. It's the exact same way I've felt the other two times I got into this state. felt like I'd been opened up and could finally just let everything in. I felt my connection to the infinite universe, how I'm a part of it, and how it's a part of me, everything, and everyone in the universe. I accepted every reality I could possibly be in, good or bad. I also accepted that I'm not the center of the universe, but that I'm the only being that should matter to me. But it's not like this narcissistic kinda "only person that should matter to me is me" like I still deeply care about others, but in more of a "in the end I'm the ony one left for me." Sort of thing. I just feel this connection to the unknown now. It's terrifying in a way, but it's in the most beautiful thing I've ever felt.

Like, I don't feel like my physical body anymore. Like im aware, it's mine, but I feel like I'm here in more of a spiritual sense. Like I'm not tethered to any one universe. Like im not entirely sure what's really happened but all I know really know right now is that shifting found me for a reason, I lived in this reality for a reason, and everything happened for a reason. But I finally feel free again, and nothing really matters in this reality but my mind, feelings, my spirit, and my philosophy. My body is only temporary.

I really hope this motives some of you to keep going. To really look inside and realize the possibilities of yourself and the universe. To really be free.

My next submission will be my final goodbyes, a letter to this reality if you will. A letter to all that I leave behind and all to come. Thank you for reading, and happy shifting to you all. ★

.

#reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting realities #desired reality #shifting community #shifting

[bleedingectoplasm]

Touching Memories

Here’s a fun little drabble for DP side hoes week day 3! The prompts were Clockwork and memories. TW for some light gore. I hope you enjoy!

The ghost child is knocking at his door. Or has knocked. Or will knock.

In one of the timeline’s infinite iterations, the ghost child is knocking at Clockwork’s door. And the version of Clockwork living in that moment lets him into his lair.

In the instants that follow, Clockwork ushers the ghost child to his parlor, an extra dimensional space in his lair that only spawns into existence when he has visitors. The ghost child sprawls out on the sofa, utterly irreverent and unaware of the true power that is contained in the deity sipping tea across the room.

And then, the ghost child begins to complain. He whines about battles with other ghosts, moans about malfunctioning technology, winges about scraped knees and bruised knuckles and snapped bones.

Clockwork smiles, placating and patient, with the understanding that the young ghost before him is but a pebble in time's ceaseless stream. He offers advice to the little pebble, hoping to help the waters of the universe smooth out his rough edges.

“You must be compassionate,” Clockwork counsels, “You must meet your rivals where they are. You can’t possibly understand what has shaped them into the ghosts that stand before you.”

But Clockwork can. Clockwork does. He understands it all.

The ghost child grumbles, but does not push back. As he rises to leave, he floats towards Clockwork for an embrace, behaving with casual familiarity with the primordial being that he views as a surrogate father. Clockwork indulges him. In the second, minute, hour before he and the ghost child’s bodies connect, he braces himself to experience the inevitable disorientation, the natural side effect of his most unsettling power.

The millisecond that Clockwork touches the ghost child, he is violently ejected from his corporeal form. His consciousness trips and stutters for a moment, as it always does, before he finds himself in the body of a fourteen year old boy staring at the yawning mouth of an unforgiving portal to another dimension.

This is the way that Clockwork is able to maintain his godly empathy, the trick to his inhuman understanding, the mechanism through which he keeps his finger on the pulse of the Infinite Realms. Every time he so much as brushes against another ghost, he accesses memories of their death. He lives through the most vulnerable moment of their lives, seeing the world as they once did, experiencing the timeline from their perspective.

He has been Ember as her house burns around her, flames licking up her spine as her flesh melts from her skeleton. He has been Youngblood, coughing splotches of blood into his sleeve with an incessant ache in his lungs just before he slips into eternal sleep. He has been Skulker, starving in the woods, his stomach gurgling as it digests itself, watching one final sunset while slumped against the side of a tree. He has been Kitty, laying next to the corpse of her boyfriend on sun scorched pavement, the smell of burning rubber stinging her nose as she feels the breeze whistle against the hole in her skull.

And, countless times, he has been the ghost boy. He has felt electricity mercilessly frying him from within as each molecule is torn apart and remade wrong, his own screams echoing in his ears and the scent of his cooked flesh permeating the air.

Time is valuable because it is limited. Moments are precious because they end. Life matters because there is death.

So Clockwork grants the ghost boy a moment of affection. He lives through his death once more. He does so with the ancient understanding that this gesture will matter to the pebble precisely because it cannot escape the stream.

#dp side hoes week 2023 #danny phantom #clockwork #clockwork dp #danny phantom clockwork #ecto writes #this is deeply the egg coded lol #i would love to expand on this idea at some point but for now....here....have this.... #me? a psuedo poetic writer? pffft nah completely unheard of

[signedjehanne]

dear white bandom tumblr, what the hell do you want us to say?

i’m tired. i’m really, really tired. 

look, what do you want us to say at this point? this was supposed to be a safe space, for the freaks and the outcasts, but we’ve long established that it is very much not safe. it’s crystal fucking clear.

and honestly, pretty much every white user on here is actively contributing to the hostility here. whether you like it or not, it’s not good to only reblog empty reassurances of anti-racism that do more service to yourself than to others. it’s not good to see poc on the dash trying to educate the white majority and doing everything possible to educate you, and either A) ignore it, B) like it, but don’t reblog it, because god forbid you sit with your discomfort for more than five seconds, or C) send racist anon hate to the original poster, or try to deflect their points. it’s not good to see something racist and let it slide. let me get this straight: none of these fans of color owe you anything. fans of color don’t owe you the time of day, fans of color don’t owe you education, and fans of color don’t owe you the dignity of a levelheaded reply in response to your racist comments. 

often times, we try to educate because we want this space to change. i mean, i didn’t have to write a five paragraph essay dissecting anti asian racism in mcr’s content. i did it because i was angry, and tired, and frustrated, and wanted the space to change. the same reason that every other ignored dissection and analysis that spent blood, sweat, tears, and emotional labor to make was created. a lot of the time you guys just don’t understand how much effort things like that take. and to be clear, this is not just the usual “oh my post didn’t go viral and i’m not a celebrity i’m so sad,” this is “i poured all of myself into trying to educate people that turned out to never care. i have been blatantly shown that the people around me aren’t interested in changing, no matter how much they claim to be.” 

and like, do you want me and countless other users to go in depth again? do you want us to jump from racist incident to racist incident? to hold your hand through explaining why making art of ray being arrested is bad, why gerard’s fetishization of asian people is bad, why making rising sun art and designs is bad, why reducing all of pete wentz’s work to being about mikey way is bad, why shaming people with non-european features for “not looking emo enough” is bad, why insulting and degrading pete and ray for their natural features is bad, why cropping ray out of tour videos is bad, why calling people slurs in their askboxes is bad? (and so much more that i didn’t add.) do you want us to go over the history of racism in alternative spaces as a whole? do you expect us to do all of those things for you on a whim, to make it palatable to you, as if we weren’t real people with real feelings behind the screen and as if we had infinite time and emotional energy? really? when there are many resources already out there, both online and offline? 

what all this tells me is you don’t see us as human. simple as that. you expect us to be able to take the abuse, to be able to silently let your racism pass, and if we ever speak up, you ignore the work we give to you and demand inhuman feats of patience and generosity, answering your every question and responding to your every debate and coddling you as you refuse to sit with the reality of the space you’ve helped to create. and that’s only if you claim to be on our side. 

it’s insane hearing you try to placate yourselves. trying to mindlessly agree without looking inward. i know this sounds harsh, but i know that most of you need to hear it. i just want this space to actually change, like i was begging for back in january and february. of course, i was foolish to believe that it ever would. and i’m foolish now, writing this as if people are ever going to pay attention. even if it does break a few hundred notes, it’s not like the message is going to stick around. sure, you’re “doing the work”, “listening and learning”, but how am i supposed to know that when your responses never change, and this scene stays the same as it ever was?

#seb speaks #mcr #fob #my chemical romance #fall out boy #gerard way #frank iero #ray toro #mikey way #pete wentz #bandom racism #racism cw #long post #prematurely turning asks and replies off #if you want to say something say it with your chest. #i'm literally terrified to post this because i KNOW white fans will be mad about #having to sit with discomfort #but. idk it needs to be said #if you don't hear from me for a while just know that the pressure from them got too much #this wasn't sparked by anything in particular i had just been noticing it for ages and ages and got fed up as usual

[k-s-morgan]

Hey, I was re-reading ATLWETD when I noticed something so obvious in this paragraph that I stupidly didn't notice the first time.

"Riddle was taller than him, so now his lips were almost brushing against Harry’s forehead. 

“I don’t need to live in a Muggle world to own someone,” he murmured. Belatedly, Harry realised why he was standing so close — he didn’t want others to overhear his outrageous statements. “You should know this. After all, you know me better than anyone.”"

He wasn't gloating only about the death eaters, like Harry thought, he was mostly referring to the Horocrux situation and their own really unique relationship (also, the fact he almost kisses the scar as he speaks made me scream).

Will we see more moments like this in the next chapters?? (If you don't want to spoil us, just ignore this part.)

This all brings me to the actual question: Harry replies:"It’s because I know you that I’m not going to entertain your disturbing fantasies,” he said. Somehow, he managed to sound less harsh than he intended. “No matter what loyalty anyone promises you, it is not infinite. If you treat people who pledged themselves to you cruelly, they are not going to stay. I saw it happen. And by the rate you’re going, I think it might happen again.”

What the hell did Tom assume from this reply? And most importantly, what assumptions did he make about the connection between Harry and fake!Tom based on this answer?

Hoping the best for you and your loved ones in these hard times <333

Hi! Thank you <3 I'm glad that you saw the second meaning of Tom's words. It was related to how Tom envisions their relationship and to the Horcruxes both.

The more Tom imagines what life he and Harry might have had, the more feelings and desires are born in him. He's certain that Harry was his in every way and that he had absolute control over him because in his eyes, that's the only possibility for them to have a relationship. This is what he began to want now, so he's sure that any other version of him must have wanted the same. Harry cannot relate to it, ownership doesn't interest him, so he didn't fully comprehend what Tom meant.

I cannot say specifically what kind of moments of closeness and possessiveness we'll get because I never plan these things, they pop up by themselves as I write! But there will definitely be a lot of them))

As for your second question, Tom and Harry are having somewhat different conversations here. Harry is talking purely about Tom's followers, Tom is talking about them and about his bond with Harry at the same time. Harry's words made him think that he lost the devotion of some of his Death Eaters in that other reality, but most importantly, he contemplates the fact that his attitude cost him Harry. He doesn't know the specifics, but he thinks that his insanity pushed Harry away and resulted in him being snatched into some other world. Harry doesn't seem to be actively trying to go back to it, which Tom considers as another proof of their broken bond. In his mind, with their connection, Harry would have to be obsessed with reuniting with 'his' Tom. Since he isn't, it means that the other Tom failed him so much that Harry is now more interested in building something new with his other version.

Tom is confident that he'll be a better partner. At the same time, while he places Harry above everyone else, he doesn't see him as his equal, and he cannot imagine a relationship without any violence and control in it. He thinks Harry mostly accepts it, only that 'his' Tom overdid it because of the Horcruxes. So after Harry's reply, Tom's trying to assure him him that some violence is an inherent part of a relationship, and that he's in his right mind, so he'll know how to keep a balance between violence and fondness - basically, that he'll succeed in being a leader that Harry (and the others) would be glad to respect and follow both in 'professional' and personal capacities.

This probably sounds a little messy, but Tom's mind is still reeling from all the (fake) revelations, so he cannot always settle on a specific picture) It keeps changing.

#my fics #tomarry #harry potter #tom riddle #atlwetd

[convulsionofhonesty]

top 10 books of 2022

i read 50 books this year and i’m going to share my top 10 and what i loved most about them (in no particular order)

1. writers & lovers by lily king - this book legitimately changed my life by reminding me of how desperate i am to lead a creative life. there are certain books that make you want to be a writer. this is one. featuring clean-cut, economical prose that gets straight to the point, and the point is diving into one of the most compelling characters i’ve had the honor to spend a story with. i read it twice this year because i will never be ready to part with this main character.

2. last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo - this was a reread for me and i appreciated it infinitely more the second time. the vividness of the writing strikes me as a particular triumph of this work. you can feel every emotion, see and hear every setting. that and a deeply engaging narrative make it one of those books that i continue to think about constantly.

3. crush by richard siken - my favorite poetry collection i have read, and reread, both within this year. he is one of those writers that reminds you how amazing it is to be a human that can feel and say so much. sharp images, glorious repitition, and stunning formatting that has inspired much of my own adventure into the world of unique poetic structure on the page.

4. homegoing by yaa gyasi - probably one of the most ingenious books i have ever read. to this day i fail to understand how it is possible to cover so much in so few pages and not leave the reader feeling like something is missing, but she certainly does it. sweeping multi-generational story where each chapter reads like both an exquisite short story that could stand on its own and a part of the richly woven whole. phenomenal novel that i wholeheartedly believe will be a classic in the future.

5. the idiot by elif batuman - another character that weaseled her way into my brain and has never left. a plotless, indulgent, meandering character study that struck such a cord with me. i read this at the exact right time in my life and for the week that i was making my way through it, there was no distinction between the narrator and myself in my mind. i don’t know how to explain this, but i was narrating my own life through this character’s eyes. captivating.

6. piranesi by susanna clarke - an exemplary work of fantasy that explores the nuances of knowledge and gratitude, balancing expertly between critiquing the pursuit of knowledge and power and exalting wonder, curiosity, and science. a book written in journal entries which flows perfectly and never feels choppy. leaves you thinking differently about the world.

7. open water by caleb azumah nelson - a short novella you can read in a day, and you will have to, as it is so enchanting and haunting that you cannot stop. it fully took over my mind until i finished it. it features second person narration which creates an unmatched level of closeness between reader and narrator. triumphantly evocative, intimate, and precise prose. the most poetic novel(la) i've had the pleasure of reading since on earth we're briefly gorgeous.

8. the great believers by rebecca makkai - the highlight of this book is the dense prose; every sentence feels perfectly chosen and hits you just as hard as the last. there is never a break, never a breather from the stunning writing. for that reason it is a slow book to move through, but in the best way. also accomplishes using dual pov/timelines in a way that does not detract from the fluidity of the work. very heavy subject matter but imbued with hope, gratitude, and affection.

9. the starless sea by erin morgenstern - prior to reading piranesi, this was my favorite fantasy read of the year. the world is so engrossing and the formatting of the novel is unique and inventive. vivid world builidng and a meandering, cris-crossing plot that enthralls from the beginning. an ode to humanity and the interconnectedness of the stories we tell.

10. babel by r.f. kuang - a lengthy novel that is well worth the time it takes, featuring a slate of morally ambiguous young people bumping up against the limits of their social power. similarly to piranesi, it embraces curiosity, drive, passion, and learning while chastising the intrenchment of power in academia. kuang cements herself as figurehead of the historical fantasy subgenre, tapping into its full potential.

#mine #writers and lovers #lily king #last night at the telegraph club #malinda lo #crush #richard siken #homegoing #yaa gyasi #the idiot #elif batuman #piranesi #susanna clarke #open water #caleb azumah nelson #the great believers #rebecca makkai #the starless sea #erin morgenstern #babel #r.f. kuang

[fallinfl0wers]

thinking about xiao, who would be the last person on teyvat to care about your appearance.

don't get me wrong, he adores you, you're pretty much his biggest, and sometimes only, reason to live.

but he, out of all the characters in genshin, is the only one i can see with absolutely zero defined preferences. if anyone asked him, whether on his past or his present, about what traits he found desirable in a person, he would have no answer.

even if people say that personality is all that matters, everyone always looks at the one they find most attractive first.

xiao's case isn't quite like that.

where others, if speaking honestly, would mention specific ranges of height, build, hair colors, texture, skin colors and whatnot- like a super tall, muscular man with a well-kept beard, or a slender, elegant-looking man who wears suits, or a delicate and petite woman with big doe eyes and the longest, straighter hair possible, or a tall, well-endowed lady with a tiny waist and a piercing, alluring gaze, among an infinite number of other combinations, xiao would only tilt his head in disconcert.

was he supposed to think of any of those traits as attractive?

because to xiao, in a way, everyone looks the same.

be it humans, other adepti or the archons, xiao thinks nothing about any of their appearances.

although if you caught him people-watching during his free time or patrols, you could think he's harshly judging everyone's looks and demeanor from his unwavering, hawk-like gaze.

in truth, he takes in apperances all at once, in a fraction of a second.

woman of short hair. intact foreign green dress, according to the direction she's coming from she must be entering liyue from sumeru. no recent wounds in sight, her face is flushed from the heating sun. there is no trouble on this road. move on.

lanky man gasping for air as he reaches the peak of a mountain, adventurer's typical uniform. green eyes, black hair. the gloves on his hands ripped from climbing on stone, and his hands have minor scratches. the bandage on his arm is the work of an amateur but would've done the trick to stop bleeding. the cloth isn't soaked in blood, but he can make out the distinctive shape the blade of an arrow makes when nearly piercing flesh. whatever happened, this area is safe. send a minor breeze his way to lead him to a safe path.

the appearances of the people he sees every day are little clues that let him know of any immediate threat to the lands. he's not staring hard at that child because his haircut looks silly, but because for a second he saw a ghost following him. he's not staring at that woman with dulled out eyes because he finds her hot, but because he's feeling the beginnings of the effects of a karmic curse poisoning her soul.

xiao has no preferences, all he sees in people's apperances are traces of what they do and where they come from- he doesn't associate any specific trait of the human body to 'beautiful' or 'ugly'.

peace is beautiful. war is ugly. those are his only definitions.

it's only after you've spent long with him, letting him join you while you fulfill your duties in the city or just to take a stroll, that he starts to understand the concept of beauty as seen by human society.

differents sets of traits are deemed attractive to a majority and each individual will have a different set of traits they deem attractive- beauty is, therefore, in the eye of the beholder no matter how many times a standard is pushed as the only one.

he doesn't understand.

appearances will fade, that perfect and smooth skin will one day turn into fragile wrinkles, that tattoo won't look the same when enough time has passed, that hair will become frail and fall, humans won't look the same forever, there is no use in making such a big deal out of their appearances to the point of feeling miserable about it.

xiao doesn't find any particular trait as attractive.

until you.

due to his nature, he's not going to be immediately mesmerized by your looks, whether you seem overweight or like you have god-like symmetrical proportions everywhere, whether you're tall or average or tiny, none of that matters when he meets you or when he falls for you.

one would think an adeptus like himself would have high standards, but what makes him fall is something as painfully simple as honest, pure understanding and care.

be understanding to him, care for him, hold him on cold and dreary nights, smile for him, share little moments of joy with him, help him carry the weight of his constant grief, let him care for you, let him protect you, and protect his fragile heart.

he will fall for you.

and then, and only then, will he start associating physical traits to the concept of beauty.

beauty is you. you are beauty.

at least to xiao, that is the only logical conclusion.

whether you're confident on your looks or not, to him, it is that simple.

beauty is peace. beauty is you, and all that makes you, you, is beautiful.

#melwritesgenshin #melrambles #xiao x reader #xiao x y/n #xiao x you #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #random brainrot that kept me awake during my first class today

[abominable-space-they]

The scene we deserved:

Hannibal & Jack in the interrogation room after Hannibal turned himself in

Jack tapping his notes

"And what about Will, what does he have to do with all of this Hannibal?"

Hannibal holds his cuffed hands up, half a reminder, half of an implied shrug

"Nothing? I manipulated him into loving me"

Jack rubs his face, he's deeply spiritually exhausted by all of this

"How Hannibal? I need more then that"

Hannibal quirks a small sarcastic smile

"With manipulations obviously Jack"

Jack sighs deeply

"so what? You cooked him dinner a lot?"

"yes exactly that"

"And you bought him gifts? Things he wouldn't or couldn't buy himself but would enjoy?"

Hannibal nods this time, a slight incline of his head.

"Yes, I see you understand"

Jack squeezes his eyes shut. Yeah he thinks he understands exactly. Still he continues

"And you found ways to spend time with him even when it was difficult for you both?"

"Yes, every day if possible"

Jack rolls his eyes slightly

*No shit Hannibal*

"And you share your interests with him? Talk to him about the things you care about?"

"Always, speaking to Will is one of the greatest joys of my life"

Jack just nods, resigned

*yeah that tracks*

"And you've taken an interest in his interests as well Hannibal?"

"Of course, William has the most beautiful mind I've ever known. His interests are infinitely fascinating even when they're not my own, they become mine because they're his"

Jack just stares at Hannibal for a second.

*There's no damn way he's that naive*

"That's just a relationship Hannibal, you're in a relationship with him, with Will."

Hannibal stares impassively at Jack

Jack is unwilling to break the silence, he's tired of being jerked around. Tired of these two grown men and their constant theatrics. He just stares back

Hannibal finally sighs, conceding that he was the one who would need to make a way forward in this situation.

"I would like it very much if you just wrote down manipulation"

Jack doesn't bother to react to that in any meaningful way

Hannibal stills, spreading his hands out on the table, the closest Hannibal Lecter would ever come to being humble

"For William Jack, do it for William"

Jack looks at Hannibal in that moment. He looks sincere. He looks worried. He's not sure if it's better or worse that The Chesapeake Ripper is genuinely in love with Will Graham.

"Right"

Jack writes , Hannibal Lecter, The Chesapeake Ripper manipulated target Will Graham into believing he was in love with him'

Hannibal sighs in obvious relief, all the tension leaving his body in an instant

"Thank you Jack"

Jack rubs his face, deep in thought

"... You saved my wife's life Hannibal. I can't ever repay you for that. But I can return the favor"

Hannibal nods, acknowledging the sentiments both spoken and implied

"Thank you Jack, thank you for understanding"

Jack clenches his jaw

"It's not for you"

"Even so, thank you"

The exhaustion breaks over Jack like a wave. He wants to be done, he wants to be out of here. He wants to go home and hold his wife while he still can.

"... Good luck Hannibal"

Hannibal smiles then, genuinely, it's a gentle, loving, eager smile that's disturbing on Hannibal the Cannibal's face

"I don't need luck Jack, I have William"

"Yeah that's what I'm afraid of"

Jack does his best to not think about Hannibal Lecter at all, not even when he has to go back, not even when Will asks him to unlock the cage and let his monster out, not even when they seemingly fall off a cliff and into the ocean, together. Always together.

*I don't need luck Jack, I have William*

Till death do us part.

"Bella how're you feeling my beautiful? I brought home Spumoni. I've been thinking we should take a vacation. Go back to Italy for awhile. What do you think?"

Bella looked tired, but still beautiful, she was always beautiful, would always be beautiful to Jack. No matter what

"That sounds lovely Jack. So romantic, what's gotten into you?"

"Not a thing. I just don't want to waste a moment I could be spending with you. I've seen the alternative. If we were separated... Living death. I can't stand the thought. So I'm retiring, we'll go wherever you want for as long as you want."

"Oh Jack, I love you too, my sweet man."

Yeah, Jack Crawford understood Hannibal Lecter just fine. Fate made him lucky in love too.

And who was he to argue with fate on the subject of true love?

Fate obviously knew better then him. He kissed Bella, gentle, like she was precious, because she was.

"Don't know if I'm sweet, but I'm yours"

Bella smiled, radiant. Jack was sure the universe smiled back.

Till death do us part

#hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #fanfic #hannibal x will #hannibal fandom #will graham #murder husbands #dark will graham #jack crawford #au #incorrect hannibal lecter #incorrect hannigram #incorrect hannibal #hannibal fanfiction #hannibal the cannibal #Hannibal and jack #hannibal au #Jack Crawford x Bella #bella crawford #Hannibal Bella #Jack x Bella

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

franflam (they are not sisters)

ahahahahaHAHA this is exactly what i was expecting people to send in when i said "controversial ships". no one is ready for one of my signature franflam tangents

under the cut:

you know the last time i did this ship bingo thing someone asked me about franflam too and i just flat out refused to respond because i didnt want to touch the discourse with a ten foot pole. either me putting my opinions here will get me cancelled or it will summon some people hopefully sane about this discourse. i love gambling

to preface, my honest opinions on the matter are that whatever the hell those two got going on in canon is queerbaiting. i say this as someone who bought star allies on a whim at gamestop as their very first kirb game like two years after it released, not even knowing kirby still made games at that time, and thus played the game with zero biases towards anything but yeah those two were written with a weird attachment to each other and it would be stupid to outright deny that. do i think franflam is canon though?: absolutely not and also i hate everyone who claims that with a passion. you could make a claim with a reasonable amount of evidence for either side of the argument and the fact that its even remotely possible both could be true at once, along with kumazaki himself either refusing to elaborate or confirm, or giving even More support to Either side is absolute bullshit and any sort of grey area here is totally his and the writers faults so hey can we all stop arguing about what the "correct" answer is when there literally isnt really one

anyways with that out of the way, heres all of the reasons i hate franflam without mentioning "potential incest" as a concern even once

their dynamic in canon is stereotypical angry black woman is overprotective of stereotypical dainty elegant white woman. hate that. gives me bad vibes. the whole "to show one character is in love with the other, they talk about their love interest nonstop every half second" trope is absolutely HANDS DOWN my absolute least favorite romance trope EVER. it drives me absolutely insane. thats the #1 way to get me to hate both of the characters and their relationship the fastest. holy shit shut up and focus on the story and whats happening around you instead of shoehorning mention of the other person into your words nonstop. hate that. i also hate the "person a is overprotective of their love interest" trope too, esp when it extends into jealously of the other person hanging out with others (sparkling pupupu world does this, for example). feels gross. can feel infantizing. if people see that as romantic good for you but i can not see it ever. its overly possessive. i think having a trio of mages and having two of them being separated and off fucking around on their own all the time as their "happy ending" is bad writing, especially when it comes to zans character being so heavily affected by her isolation from others and how hyness treated her AND YOU JUST GO AND SEPERATE THEM INTO FRAN+FLAM AND ZAN+HYNESS ALL THE TIME FOR SOME REASON HELLO. JUST MAKE ONE MAGE CHARACTER IN THAT CASE IF TWO OF THE TRIO HAVE NO DEVELOPMENT OR PURPOSE OTHER THAN TO FUCK OFF BY THEMSELVES. and then people who ship franflam also often end up shipping hynzan cause of that EWWWWWW GROSSSSSSS. also fran+flam being more close because the jambacult is a broken family that needs to heal Or them being more close because flam is an overprotective older sibling are INFINITELY more interesting to me as concepts than: "fran+flam are closer to each other and not zan because theyre dating and thus inherently dont care about zan as much because platonic relationships are always secondary to romantic". hate that. and the fandom. oh my God as people might be able to tell by all of the arrows on the bingo sheet i have fucking FEELINGS about this this needs a whole new paragraph

okay so. so 😍. i have this thing i call "red flag ships" where the ships are fine as a concept on paper but for some reason the shippers are just absolutely Rancid and that throws me off from liking the ship in its entirely and i get really sussed out by anyone who ships it. franflam is a red flag ship. i think the shippers have gotten so used to being yelled at by people who think theyre siblings that theyve pavlov'd themselves into being insanely hostile and aggressive to anyone who doesn't ship them. at least thats what i can tell from anyone whos Open and remotely loud about shipping them. istg i am not joking in the slightest when i say 95% of my interactions with people who Happen to be big or even decently into shipping franflam have been godawful. the convos dont even have to be around franflam i just think the ship inherently attracts awful people because its only aggressive toxic people who arent scared about shipping it openly. is that generalizing?: Yeah but thats just my personal experience. i have never met someone loud about liking franflam or who makes content for it that wasnt an awful asshole or yikes person in some way

that said, people who really like the ship but are quiet or lowkey about it usually end up being super chill and cool. its just the goddamn Fandom i have an issue with really. so anyone whos normal about it i am so sorry for you lmao

in a somewhat unrelated manner, i used to be somewhat close with someone who had franflam as their ultimate otp and God they fucking sucked. apart from redirecting every convo ever to be about franflam, they were also insanely nasty to anyone who even remotely saw them as siblings because they inherently saw it as an attack against franflam, so theyd always be making comments like "can you believe anyones stupid enough to see them as siblings" and "kinda misogynistic and lesbiophobic that metadede and marxolor are more popular than franflam when franflam is so blatantly canon" and yadayadayada they would say that shit completely unironically even right in front of me when they knew i hc'd them as siblings. i could complain up enough of a storm about that person and all of the insane things they said and did to fill up another 10 paragraphs but in general they were awful and really awful to me and multiple friends and you know what. i fucking hate the ship because of that too. sue me i cant stand seeing it around and i get grossed out by it.

on another note if i see anyone trying to push franflam as canon i will kick your ass. it might seem like im complaining about a problem that doesnt exist since tumblr is very anti-franflam, but on other sites its the opposite and if i had a nickel for every stupid "franflam is definitely canon and the only canon option and here's why" argument ive ever heard and could Easily debunk i could buy a fucking mansion. how to tell franflam shipppers its Okay if their ship isnt canon challenge: impossible (generalizing ofc, this whole rant is generalizing. take with a grain of salt. man i hate franflam)

#yall understanding what i meant by loving bitching about things that dont matter now #LMAO #ask to tag #dgp askgame #asks #anonymous

[samallana]

I made a Tallulah Playlist and put reasons for each song <3 (I'll make an under the cut at some point, so please ignore my words if you wish :))

first song: recuérdame (arrullo) is the Spanish/original version of 'Remember Me' and just. the idea of Wilbur and Tallulah singing it. it's like, *their song* and every single time, the day before Wilbur leaves with his band, he sings it with tallulah to remind her that he's always there for her even if it's not physical. she just falls asleep peacefully every single time without fail.

lunar lullaby: I have to put a choral song in there. this song is literally just a parent loving their kid, seeing their kid as a blessing and caring so God damn much about them. I can't describe it accurately, but it's so warm. the song is like a dad's comfort, dude ;;

change your mind: it's a little mantra Wilbur taught Tallulah at some point. he taught her that she doesn't *need* people to like her, to know her, or even to respect her, for her self worth... she doesn't need anyone approval to love herself (she takes that in stride and never forgets it), but she can still let people in if they want to

here comes a thought: another thing Wilbur taught her. thoughts get overwhelming, situations get overwhelming, but taking a second to breathe and rationalize can help you in the long run. "it's okay to stop for a second and just feel your feelings, mi niña" yknow?

everything stays: Tallulah and her flowers and her signs that are everywhere. I imagine that Wilbur will never break them, they'll stay there until they break down naturally, the memories still maintained in those chicken-scratch childish handwritten affections.

slipping through my fingers: ...Wilbur just watching Tallulah growing up. when he goes away for some gigs, he comes back and she's suddenly a few inches taller. he leaves and misses her first day at school. next gig, he comes back and her wings are starting to sprout. he's missing these key moments of his daughter growing up and he can't help but want to breakdown over it. she's gonna run, *fly* miles and miles ahead of him before he knows it...

so big/so small: wilburs an only parent still, despite all of the help he gets. and he just needs Tallulah to know he's always gonna be there. doesn't matter when or where, he will be there. he gets overwhelmed sometimes as a parent, he misses things, he will continue to miss these moments of his daughters, but god damn it, he's not fucking going anywhere

chiquitita: Wilbur telling Tallulah that even on hard days, when things are the worst they could possibly be, the days still move on and, at some point or another, Tallulah will still move on. Tallulah will still play her flute again, still be happy again. she'll be okay again.

Infinite Amethyst: ;; listen, man. it just makes me cry because it's so pretty ;; it's going on there ;; her favorite color is purple ;; she would love amethysts ;;

remember me (lullaby): it ties it back to the original song and I just. I needed both of them on there at the beginning and end. it's just them, it's literally them ;;

(if you have any suggestions, please feel free to suggest! I'm not Spanish so I don't have much knowledge on lullabies/family oriented songs of that kind, I would really appreciate some help if you can <3)

#qsmp tallulah #qsmp wilbur #tallulah my beloved #ive sobbed and cried over her more than 5 times #i love her with all my heart #samallanas #qsmp #Spotify

[jemmo]

i don’t know how else to describe eternal yesterday, and the profound affect watching it has had on me, other than it’s the most quietly heart-breaking show I’ve possibly ever seen. It presents its subject matter so simply and plainly in a way that makes it feel huge, overwhelmingly huge, painfully huge. It’s premise is not for supernatural drama, it isn’t played up, not laughed at or exaggerated or used to give things more unnecessary emotional weight, it simply gives physicality to the real experience of letting someone go, to having to let someone go, to having to let go, and the indescribable pain of it that you can’t truly know until you’ve experienced it. It’s a glimpse into this short period of time, less than a week, that is so private to them, and is so concentrated with emotion, that truly does feel like time stopped, holding on, the fear of the moment passing, so instead the pain of it is just dragged out. You think of course they should do this, fight for every last second they can have together, but then you come to realise this life after death, this impossible extension, its a curse just as much as it is a miracle. We always wish we could know when we are going to lose someone so we can take that chance to say goodbye, but is that easier or harder? how do we wrestle with the pain of holding on but the pain of letting go? its a situation we cannot win, its simply a situation that has to happen, and we have to let time tick on. 

there’s so many moments i want to bring attention to in this series but i’ll hold back and just talk on the 4 that feel the most special to me. first, a personal one, because in so many ways oumi reminds me of myself, and never has that been more true than the line “honestly, i feel comfortable when i’m alone. and i hate myself for being comfortable”. i cant think of another character that has embodied this anxiety i have in myself so much, and so simply, this ridiculous contradiction of being so at peace in your own company and despising that peace sometimes, wishing it wasn’t so peaceful, so maybe you wouldn’t be alone, maybe you’d do something, go out there, find people and things to do, and yet all that time maybe you’d be thinking “i’d like it so much better now if i was at home by myself”. its kind of ridiculous, and maybe people like us do need a koichi to be the company in our lonely peace, but yeah... i just have never felt so seen by a show before.

secondly, that final conversation oumi has with his father, because this whole time the situation feels so insular. even though other people know, and other people love koichi, and koichi loves other people, this is about oumi and koichi, and no one can truly understand the immensity of what those two are feeling in that moment. its like i said, you cant understand it unless you’re in it, unless you’ve experienced it. and yet, at the end, this minorly present, distant father comes in and says “what you’re going through, i went through that too”. and its the kind of conversation that doesn’t happen because they’ve both experienced this supernatural phenomenon of a love one existing after death, it happens because they’ve both lost people they’ve loved, and that something thats universal, and the people watching don’t need to have experienced anything supernatural to empathise with that. its when the audience truly realise that this story might be insular to them, but the story has also been told infinite times by countless people, and such the emotion of it is both theirs and everyones.

third, i think my heart actually crumbled to pieces when koichi said someone could have 2 number 1s. its his phrase, he loves mitchan the most, mitchan is his number 1. and its only given more weight when oumi says it back, and even more so when we hear his ending lines, about always wanting to be number 1 to someone, and that someone being his number 1 too, and how much of a miracle that is. for that same person, knowing he has to leave that person he loves the most, to say you can have 2 number 1s, saying to oumi its ok, you can move on, in the future you can have people that are precious to you, thats so fucking beautiful, and is an act of such love i cant even put it into words. you can feel so guilty sometimes for moving on from a loved one, for even feeling like you’re replacing them, so that gesture, that permission, that almost request, to not lose happiness and love because you’re losing them, to let yourself be happy again, because thats the biggest gift you could give to those you lose, thats just beautiful. 

and finally, the moments in episode 6 where koichi is starting to disappear, and when people start to walk into rooms and not see him, i don’t think i’ve ever seen such a good metaphor for what its like to have a same-sex partner and for them to never truly be seen as your partner. because when that nurse walked in and was just talking to oumi, like koichi wasn’t there and yet he was, and oumi got so mad because thats the most important person in his life how dare you not see him, how dare you ignore him. i think it was him saying ignore that connected it for me, because thats what its like when you walk in with a same sex partner and you’re not recognised or seen as a couple. I thought to myself if this nurse walked in and oumi was sat with a girl, how he’d instantly be asked if its his girlfriend, but no he’s sat with a boy so you dont even bother asking, either because you dont think to or dont want to. we get flashes of it throughout the show with people not knowing about their relationship or the relationship between the teachers, how the gay is hidden. and with koichi gone but not gone, he’s like a ghost in oumi’s world, and i feel like that’s what it can feel like sometimes, walking around with someone you feel like no one else can see when theyre all you can see. theyre there but no one draws attention to them, no one wants to acknowledge them or it, the relationship, the ghost in the room, to the point you want to scream they do exist, how dare you think they dont. and when oumi gets angry on koichi’s behalf, thats what happens, thats what it can sometimes feel like experiencing homophobia. its horrid and angering and you want to scream because how dare they do that to the most important person in the world but theyre at peace with it. koichi has accepted his fate much like someone learns to accept hate and harrasment, they become at peace with it. and you can get angry all you like but that doesn’t change anything, that doesnt stop it from happening, thats what it feels like. you get that when you lose someone, you get angry when other people have moved on when you cant, you wont, you dont want to, you think why dont people care anymore, how can they be so unfair and unkind and unfeeling, which is why its shocking that themes of loss can mirror these queer experiences, where a partner can feel invisible to everyone even when their heart is beating. thats why i think this blending of actual loss and actual invisibility with queerness being hidden and unseen is just heart-breaking genius.

this show is heavy, and has honestly brought out in me one of the most condensed visceral reactions to media ive ever had. i feel sad, i feel drained, i feel broken. ive cried so much, and my sadness is physical, my heart hurts, it feels heavy. and yet... i do feel at peace. i feel at peace with this sadness because its something you have to learn to do in life. these experiences are inevitable and ive always tried to avoid these heavier shows, things i know will hurt and make me sad and feel things, where there isn’t a core of happiness, a good ending to keep you together. but sometimes it has to be embraced to see the beauty in it, because as koichi said, despite what happens, despite the tragedy and sadness and loss, at the core of the story if two people meeting and falling in love, and how that simple, human connection, that we all have, is a miracle, so treasure it. 

#jemmo sad hours #im literally writing this through tears #i just needed to rant otherwise the sadness would eat me up and id become a ball of depression for a week #this show is just stunning #and such incredible performances by the leads #that scene in the last ep of them holding each other and koichi sobbing #honestly ive never seen anything so intimate and touching and heartbreaking that was just phenomenal #im so grateful for this show and its message and the love and care everyone involved put into it #these plots can so often be overdone or cliche or sad just for sadness sake #but this felt simple and pure and raw in a way that trusted the story and characters and performers to covey the emotional weight with #understated sincerity and i adore that #nothing extra nothing unnecessary just how it feels to be in love and lose that person #they know they dont have to overplay that #they know if its acted and put together and produced well that it will say everything it needs to #im in love #and ill never rewatch this show again bc i cant take the heartbreak but ill treasure it forever #eternal yesterday #made by jemmo