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dr3c0mix · 1 year

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ooooh!! im wondering how the zombie hord would deal with the FTM reader who's on his period and cant function due to how much pain he's in??

Zombie Horde x FtM Reader on His Period

CW: period. mentioned period sex (doesnt happen)

an: vyn if you see this, i can explain.

💀 YOU'RE DYING

💀 They come back from one of their hunts and you're curled up in a ball holding your stomach.

💀 Ribs screams and everyone turns to see a bit of blood on your sheets, it smells like you too.

💀 Bo and Screw rush over to you and check if you're ok, it doesn't help that the smell of fresh blood is all over you.

💀 You try to explain to them that you're just having your period and your cramps are just a bit more unbearable today.

💀 "BUT YOU'RE BLEEDING! DID SOMEONE GIVE YOU YOUR PERIOD?! ARE YOU HURT?! DID THEY HURT YOU?! I'LL KILL THEM!!" Ribs rambles

💀 "Nah you dolt! It's a normal thing humans do! like uh..peeing?" Bo somewhat explains.

💀 They try their best to keep you comfy as you're going through your period.

💀 Bo is always with you, making sure you're alright. He'd mumble to you about how strong you are, how good you were being and how much he loved you.

💀 "It's alright baby boy, I'm not leavin' ya, stay strong ok? You're gettin' through this great!"

💀 Soda tried 'reading' up about periods through old books in the bookstore (which was him staring at the pictures and trying to piece together words that he knew) and accidentally came to the conclusion that you're internally bleeding

💀 He came back crying to you and the horde that they might have fucked you so hard your insides are fucked.

💀 Please comfort him.

💀 Screw is bundling you in all your cushions, sheets and blankets.

💀 He thinks of you like a fragile treasure that will break from the gentlest touch, he can't have his mate suffering like this!!

💀 Any packets of tea or sweets he finds, he brings over to you so you can feel better.

💀 If you have bad moodswings, you have to reassure them that you don't mean it if you accidentally snap or raise your voice at them, especially Ribs and Screw.

💀 They dare not ask you to mate. They might deal with blood almost every day but seeing how much it hurts from just cramps, they don't want to strain your body further.

💀 You're not leaving your bunker while on your period. They'll do all the hunting and you can stay nice and safe in your nest.

💀 Stand up even once and you're being pulled back down and kept in a tight cuddle until you stop protesting.

💀 "Screw please, I need to pee.."

💀 "But...you're hurting.."

💀 "I'm fine now, c'mon I gotta go!.."

💀 "...no."

💀 "...Fine.."

💀 Congrats! You have very protective and internally freaking out zombies that are willing to take good care of you during your periods!

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r0gue-taxidermy · 10 months

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PACKERS AND PACKING INFORMATION AND REVIEWS:

Cw: prosthetic male genitalia/penises for informational purposes only

I’m going to start this by first introducing myself so hello I’m Jackson I’m a plus size ftm trans teenager and I’m going to go over the best and easiest way to pack as a trans dude

You may be asking what a packer is? Well a packer is a gender affirming tool that creates or mimics a bulge or a penis which may seem like it’s a thing meant for adults but actually it’s very useful for everyone it helps with dysphoria or even just helps if your wanting to appear more masculine

Another thing that will be mentioned are STPs; STP stands for stand to pee device which do make it possible to as said stand to pee which can go from looking realistic or just being a cup with a tube

so I will be ranking my favorite packers/STPs/packing alternatives and will include where to find and price ranges and packing ability’s. If you have any questions either message me or comment them down below! Starting off strong with number one my favorite packer is

1. STP FREELY:

This is my favorite STP packer it’s 3.5 inches long and is a SOFT packer with a wide brim cup with a lip so no worry about spills or anything made with a skin safe soft silicone , definitely more of an affordable packer + STP it ranges from 45-50$ and it comes in 5 different skin tones! there is a XL Version of this packer that is 5 inches that I have not tried that is 50$ (you can also buy the XL rod which turns this into a pack and play “toy” for around 16$) and both xl and regular come with the option of being circumcised or non circumcised which I think is a neat feature! This packer also requires a harness ! I recommend the cake bandit packing harness it’s comfortable and not too tight. you can find both of these on TransGuySupply.com

Packing ability:9/10 definitely my favorite packer I’ve owned packs very well

Looks:9/10 nice weight, decently realistic but there are definitely better packers on the market but overall a wonderful packer

Stp ability: 10/10 very easy to get used too, big cup with a lip and semi realistic urethra hole

Can’t stress how much I love this packer will buy again

2. EZ bulge:

Here’s a cheap simple packing option for people who want to try out packing as it’s a foam insert made of a thicker foam material that you put In your boxers, these usually range from 5-10$ which isn’t bad the only downside is that they are stiff and if your bigger like me it will rub against your thighs and become uncomfortable and there’s definitely pros and cons for this packer like it’s latex or silicone free but it is kind of stiff and hard to position you can get this packer from transguysupply.com or Etsy!

Packing ability: 7/10 it works but is kind of uncomfortable and if not positioned right can look funny

Looks: 6/10definitely a more discrete option if you don’t get one with a dick imprint

3.HOMEMADE SOCK PACKERS

Omg I can’t express how much these save my life if I’m dyphoric these are a simple, cheap and easy way to pack I can’t express how much I use these on a daily basis, there are plenty of videos on YouTube on how to make these (kade cooks has a good tutorial on YouTube btw)

Packing ability:5/10 definitely a easy packing tool but can look kinda wonky if not made right and may take some trial and error

Looks: 2/10 definitely not a good looking packer but gets the job done

4.FOAM INSERT PACKER

Similar to the EZ bulge this is another foam packer insert but definitely is more comfortable, it’s a thin foam works well with most of the packing jockstraps,briefs, or boxers it’s about 5$ usually. I had one for a couple months then it started falling apart as the first layer of thin fabric came off of back but was a cheap and easy packer and is way more discrete option you can find this packer on transguysupply.com

Packing ability: definitely a solid 6/10 it works well but can fold or bunch up easily if you have bigger thighs

Looks:5/10 decently discrete looks similar to a bra cup

5.PACKER GEAR STP

this was my first ever STP or packer in general and can I say how much I hate this packer very small cup with no lip so spills are a big problem, it is almost physically impossible to use this as a packer this is the stiffest packer I’ve ever had IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR HARD, the urethra and hole of this packer is massive and it’s unrealistic you will piss a stream the size of a no.2 pencil. One of its cons though is that it is the cheapest stp packer I know it’s 15$ and comes in two different skin colors, it is around 4.5 inches and can be found on transguysupply.com

Packing ability: 0/10 it’s trash

Looks: 5/10 it definitely tried to look realistic

Stp ability: 5/10 definitely not the best on the market but for how affordable it is it’s not too bad minus the firm cheap silicone and small cup

6. ANY FEMALE CAMPING URINAL

Such a honorable mention this fuckin thing well these can be found in most camping places, Amazon or anywhere online really. I can’t say I hate them but I can’t say I like them either but definitely work, they look mad dumb honestly and make me dysphoric lowkey but they work as STPs but unlike the other two options on this list this can’t be used as at a urinal but they don’t spill and are easily found and can be used by people who aren’t FtM or transmasc and usually range about 5-20$ online

Packing ability:0/10

Looks:0/10 mad Fucking ugly

Stp ability:10/10 definitely does the job

And that’s the end of my review folks I hope this can help out other trans people

#trans pride #transgender #ftm #trans punk #trans masc #packers #packing #gender affirmation #ftm trans #transgender youth #ftm packer #stp packer #lgbt pride #lgbtqia #queer pride

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mlm-writer · 2 years

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Piss Paladin (Wade Wilson x FtM!Reader)

Pairing: Wade Wilson/Deadpool x FtM Reader For the pride prompt: FtM reader learning to pee standing up, failing miserably, getting anxious and then getting help from their lovely AMAB partner Rating: Mature Words: 1321 POV: Second Summary: Wade got you an STP and you can now finally pee while standing up. Easier said than doen tho. Notes: Happy Pride! See all works for pride 2022 here. Reader has not undergone bottom surgery, but everything else from HRT to top surgery is up to you. Tags: fluff, hurt/comfort sort of, domestic fluff, established relationship, we all know Wade is a horndog oh and he also breaks the 4th wall

“Babey!” Your boyfriend was as loud as ever, as he barged through the front door. Well, it was technically his apartment, so he was allowed. You looked up from your phone and shifted on the couch, bare legs no longer folded over. You tugged your shorts down, so they were no longer giving you a wedgie. Eyes narrowed at Wade, when he got a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. “I got you something,” he practically sang, approaching you with the glass and a package held behind his back. You were more confused by the glass of water to be honest. Wade was not one to hydrate voluntarily. “But - and that’s a big butt - you first need to drink this.”

You let out a scoff and took the glass he held out for you. Wade had weirder antics, so you did not question him. You wished he had picked a smaller glass though. It took you a moment, before you had consumed its entire contents. Wade made in the meantime three jokes about swallowing and being so good at it. One time you laughed accidentally and almost choked, which triggered a choking joke or two.

When you finally put the empty glass onto the already-full coffee table, he handed you the package. You raised a brow at him and took the package, ripping off the top while looking him dead in the eyes. “This better not be another strap-on, Wade. We already have enough.”

“Well this one you can use for multiple things.” You sighed and pulled the bubble wrap out of the box, then frowned at the hollow strap-on you found inside. It was limp and did not seem good for fucking at all. Then it clicked. You gasped and turned to your boyfriend hanging off the back of the couch.

“No way!” “Yes way!” “Wade!”

You jumped and hugged him, slapping him in the face with your new dick. “Ho there fella, might want to wait with slapping me in the face with that thing until I’m on my knees.” You were giddy with excitement and took the glass off the table to fill it with more water, chugging it as if you’ve been in the desert. “It is for pack, pee and play, but I guess the first thing you want to do is pee while standing up?”

You nodded. “Honestly, it is the best part of having a dick if you ask me.” You fished the harness out of the box and started placing your cock inside in various ways, until Wade grabbed the manual and helped you with sticking things in the right hole.

“Well then let’s get you in this thing, go to the park and find you a nice little tree.” You wiggled out of your pants and underwear. Then tried to put the harness with the STP in it up, only to find out that it was rather tricky.

“Maybe first try the toilet?” You suggested, as you moved the silicone around until it was comfortable. You then pulled the underwear back over it and your shorts. You wiggled around and reached into your underwear to find a comfortable position for the dick. “Where do you leave the shaft?” You complained.

“You’re boring,” Wade sighed playfully. He nearly giggled like a schoolgirl as he watched you struggle. “Well I just leave it parallel to my right leg, but you can also do it to the left.” You followed his instructions and then stared at your bulge. “Damn baby boy, you are packing,” Wade exclaimed as he stared at your crotch with you.

“Is it too obvious?” He shook his head. You read the manual to figure out what else came with the penis, while you waited for mother nature to make her call. When you finally felt it, you jumped up from the couch to go to the bathroom.

“Go my piss paladin! My golden shower champion! My urine conqueror! My…” “Shut up, Wade!” “Hey don’t blame me! We are over 650 words in and the readers still haven’t gotten what they came for!”

You rolled your eyes and then closed the bathroom door behind you without locking it. Excitement coursed through your veins, but as you stood above the toilet, seat up and silicone dick in hand, nothing came out of you. As if your body was saying ‘we need to sit down to piss’. So you stood there a good minute or two… or three… Eventually Wade was knocking on the door. “You know, it is supposed to be quicker,” he called from outside the door. You tried to force something out again, but not even a drip left you.

“Urgh, it won’t work!” You exclaimed, stomping your foot and zipping your pants back up. You heard Wade come in, but did not look at him. “I just… I can’t do it!” You felt Wade approach from behind and then his arms were around you.

“Yes you can, my piss paladin. Come on, let’s zip those pants down.” Wade pushed everything down to your ankles. “You’re just having a mental block so let’s try this a bit more like you’re used to. Bend the knees, rest that pretty butt on me, yes just like that.” You were sort of leaned forward with your butt on Wade’s knees slash thighs. Wade had his hands on your hips, steadying you. “Ok now close your eyes and breathe. Once you let go, everything will just flow.”

It took you a good minute more, but with Wade keeping you calm and reminding you that one step at a time was fine, you eventually succeeded. When the dam finally overflowed, it was a relief like nothing else. The sound of piss landing in the toilet water had never before triggered so much relief and happiness. You and Wade were cheering like you just won the jackpot.

However, victory did not last long, as you felt a warm stream trickling down your leg. “Oh shit,” you exclaimed as you tried to stop yourself from filling the overflowing penis even more. The idea was great, but the execution was not as smooth as you had envisioned.

“Keep calm, king, this is fine,” you heard Wade say behind you, but piss was trickling down your leg and you could not really stop yourself mid-way. It felt like it was just coming and coming. By the time the STP was empty, you just stared down at it with absolute horror, trying to wrap your head around what just happened.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, baby, I pissed all over you. Oh my god this is so embarrassing.” You felt like crying. The entire vicinity was stinking and covered in yellow fluid. You heard Wade talking, but you were frozen in place and your ears had stopped working.

Wade turned you around roughly, but you closed your eyes, unable to look at him. You pissed on him for fuck’s sake. “Hey, my handsome piss paladin, look at me. Come on, open those beautiful eyes… there you go. It’s all right.”

He smiled at you reassuringly, but you had tears pricking in your eyes and you could feel the distress everywhere in your body. “It’s not all right, Wade, I pissed on you.”

“And I don’t care! Really! Look! Look here!” You followed his pointed finger to where you saw the stain on his pants and… a boner. Seeing it made you chuckle.

“Really, dipshit? A piss kink?” He chuckled with you and reached past you to grab the roll of toilet paper.

“Don’t blame me, you’re the one who is hot no matter what… just like your pee.” He whispered the last part, making you laugh again. Wade handed you some TP, but you refused, telling him a shower was going to be a better idea. He agreed and then joined you under another warm stream.

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steveshairychest · 2 years

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I need to know your ftm pregnant Eddie hcs for reasons...not because it's all I've been thinking about lately...nope not at all (if you don't have any hcs tho that's fine it's just. A Concept)

hi !! sorry it's taken me so long to answer this but I do have some hcs!!

Obviously, Steve is the baby daddy, but Eddie doesn't tell him straight away because he's terrified. He never imagined himself as a dad, he doesn't know how Steve will feel about it bcs they've never even talked about it before, and he just goes round and round in circles freaking himself out. Steve finds the positive pregnancy test in the bin and practically squeals all the way to their room. "EDDIIIEEE!! IS THIS REAL?!" And every ounce of worry melts out of Eddie when he sees the happy tears that stain Steve's cheeks and the way he bounced on the bed in front of Eddie excitedly, his smile so contagious. "Yeah, we're gonna be dads." He says softly and Steve holds him so tightly.

Eddie craves the most disgusting things while pregnant. Sometimes Steve will wake up in the middle of night and realise Eddie's gone, only to find him watching late night reruns of bad reality TV while dipping pickles in the left over icecream tub. Steve sits down next to him and when Eddie tries to give him a kiss, his breath smelling of pickles and strawberry icecream, Steve leans back as far away as possible so he can't reach. "I love you, so much, but you're not kissing me with your pickle lips." Eddie laughs so hard he nearly pees himself.

When his due date starts to get closer, he starts to freak out a little bit because this is really happening they're gonna be dads they're gonna be responsible for a whole new life and he won't lie, he was scared. His uncle visited often and he could see these fears eating away at Eddie, Steve did his best to comfort Eddie but sometimes it was like talking to a brick wall. He gets so worked up in his own head he won't listen to anything else.

So, Wayne talks to him. He says, "Did I ever tell you about the day i found out you were being put into my custody?" Eddie shakes his head, his eyes glued to the bowl of cereal with orange juice instead of milk. "I was terrified. I'd never raised a kid before, i never thought I'd be a good dad. I'd panicked. I'd bought a bunch of those stupid parenting books, I asked the other mums in the park, 'what do 7 year old boys like to do.' And they'd all told me different things." Eddie leaned back in his seat, his hands resting on his belly, as he listened to his uncle.

"I nearly told them to find someone else. I was convinced I couldn't do it, but then there you were. Standing on my doorstep with the social services lady, you were missing your front teeth and you were wearing that dinosaur t-shirt you loved so much. And all that doubt was drowned out because you were such a bundle of joy. Do you remember, you shook my hand?" Eddie was crying now, but he laughed. "Every day since then has been the best day of my life, Eds, and i know for a fact you're going to be the best bloody dad. I'll be right here with you every step of the way." Steve had come home from work and found them both crying at the dining room table.

#OMG THIS WAS A LOT LONGER THAN I INTENDED BUT HERE YOU GO LMAO #steddie #eddie munson #st4 vol2 #stranger things #ftm eddie munson

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playsandstories · 9 months

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Zerophilia Fanfiction

There was a woman named Michelle. She was a size zero and five feet tall. She was into punk and New York City’s East Village. She had tattoos and piercings.

One day she watched Martin Curland’s film Zerophilia and laughed at it. Her gay male friend was into it. Michelle was not and even mocked her friend. Little did she know that karma will get her.

The next day Michelle used her vibrator and enjoyed the orgasm to start her day. She began to feel odd. Her tattoos and piercings started to vanish. Michelle was trying to get up from her bed but her body began to feel heavy.

The orgasm felt so good that her clitoris started getting very big and long. Michelle felt her breasts shrinking and was shocked that her female breasts became a hairy male chest.

“I can’t be turning into a man! This can’t be real!”, screamed Michelle as her voice started to drop many octaves.

Michelle felt her shoulders get bigger and stronger as her face got more angular. She felt her neck only to feel a big adam’s apple instantly appear.

Michelle felt more of her femininity fade away as she became Michael.

Her ovaries pushed down to become testicles. Michelle grew six inches in height as a thick bushy beard took over her face.

Her eyebrows got thicker as her hands got bigger.

Michelle’s picked up her torn clothes.

She was able to stand up and walk to the bathroom mirror.

Michelle was no longer female but officially an older handsome bearded male Silverfox named Michael.

Michael smiled at his sexy silver beard and long curly silver hair. He laughed and said “I was blessed to be a Zerophiliac!”

Michael’s cellphone alarm clock went off to remind him that an Orthodox Church service was about to start in three hours.

Michael laughed and said, “The best thing about Zerophilia is that it allows me to be an Orthodox Priest without being banned!”

Michael got into the shower and then got dressed up. This was his delicious secret that he used to be a woman named Michelle. As Michelle, he was not allowed to be an Orthodox Priest.

As long as Michael avoids having an orgasm, he will stay a bearded handsome male silverfox Orthodox Priest for as long as he wants too! The reason why Michael chose not to get married was because he might not be able to be an Orthodox Priest anymore. Michael also enjoys being male and having a nice beard. He never wanted to revert to sitting down to pee. He likes to pee standing up. Another perk of being Michael is that Michelle won’t get hit on while walking alone. From time to time, Michael gets hit on by straight women and gay men, but he doesn’t mind.

This has been going on for seven years and nobody knows Michael’s secret. Michael meets FTM Transmen friends and feels bad that they had to go through a lot while he just needs a one second orgasm to be himself.

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froggy-frogz · 2 years

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Yes, hi! I wanted to know if you could write a saiki k. X reader? Like a transgender reader (ftm) that's having body dysphoria? Like saiki doesn't know how to comfort the reader and the reader is having a full blown panic attack about it? Its happened to me but I didn't have anyone to help me and comfort me :') (If not that's fine! If you don't like the idea please got a head and decline!)

A/N: I'm sorry hun :( that stuff always sucks! I love writing for trans readers cause of a lot of reasons, but especially cause we don't have enough writing out there so of course! Hope you enjoy and are feeling better-

TW: For like, a flashback with slight misgendering? It can be skipped but just letting y'all know! I didn't want to make it too bad :,)

After a long day at school, you were about ready to leave and not come back, but sadly, it wasn't Friday, so you would have to. You weren't sure what exactly it was, it was a combination of things, but you were sure the overwhelming body dysphoria you were having today was one of the main causes.

"Saiki?" You say, looking to who you would describe as your best friend.

He looks up at you, firstly with a look that seemed disinterested, but quickly, you could tell, actually morphed into something that seemed borderline worried.

"Can we go to your house? I don't want to go home."

He nods, and you felt extremely relieved, but sadly, it did nothing to relieve the stress and tense emotion that was upsetting you.

With a quick hello to Saiki's mother and father, you find yourself in his room, sitting against his bed as he goes through his homework, taking stuff out that needed to be worked on.

You two were given a project to work on, but frankly, you didn't want to have to work on it at the moment.

"Did something happen at school today?" He says, after a good long silence.

You have to snort, and as you rub your temples you say, "I mean, I got misgendered at school, and I thought I passed well enough."

Just talking about it made you sick.

It was at lunch, and you were sitting with your friends. Nendou was going on about something. You weren't entirely listening to him. It was just some of Nendou's usual rambling, but you had grown accustomed enough to it for it not to bother you anymore.

Ugh, you had to pee, but you didn't really like peeing at school. They had a restroom in the front of the school that was for everyone but someone had broken the toilet or something, but basically, it was out of order, so you either had to wait to pee or pee in the men's room and hope you didn't see anyone.

But with how strong the urge was, you didn't think you'd last another couple of hours.

"I'll be right back." You say, standing up to quickly rush over the men's room, hoping no one was in there.

Of course, there was, and you were met with a group of dudes who looked as if they were finishing up using the toilets themselves.

"What are you doing in here?" One of them said, clearly confused, "This is the men's room."

They all started laughing, and your stomach tightened, and you turned to rush out the way you came, as suddenly, the urge was gone.

"Well, that was fast." Nendou laughed, and it didn't really help with the severe ache in your stomach. The gross feeling had really messed with you, and the pounding in your head wasn't helping the ache that was just now growing and growing in your stomach.

"Yeah..."

You were silent for the rest of school, not wanting to even have to think about lunch.

You didn't realize that while you had thought about the entire ordeal, you were now shaking, and your eyes were wet with tears.

Shit. The last thing you wanted to do was cry, right here, in front of Saiki.

"I'm sorry." You mumble, covering your face with your hands, "Just give me a second."

You felt worse by the second, and the one-man audience didn't help. Crying in front of your best friend was not on your to-do list, and it sure didn't help with your breath now going absolutely out of control.

"Hey." He breaks your train of thought by actually scooting next to you. "How can I help?"

You wipe the tears from your face and look at him, snorting, "A hug maybe? You don't have to say anything b-but like, anything would help?"

He nods, and after a second, both of Saiki's arms wrap around you. It wasn't the most comfortable position per se, but it helped. The warmth and comfort did help a bit.

You didn't feel as bad as you cried against your hands, leaning into him.

"I'm sorry about what happened, I can go with you next time?" He says softly, his arms tightening around you.

You sniff, "Thanks."

It was some time that you two stayed like that, your head on his shoulder, and his arms around you.

"Hey."

"Yeah?" You say softly. It wouldn't be too nice if you just were to speak loudly into his ear.

"I think you pass really well. When I first met you I had no clue."

You snort, "Oh shut up, you don't mean that,"

Pulling back a little bit, you were meant with a serious face, or, his usual face.

"I mean it."

"Well, thank you, Saiki. And thank you for not ah, judging me for crying."

You go back to hugging him, hoping your tears and snot don't get on his shirt, but for the most part, you were feeling better.

You weren't the best at dealing with your emotions, but hell, you were just glad Saiki is here, because, despite everything, it really did help.

#saiki k #saiki k x reader #saiki k x ftm reader #kusuo saiki #x reader #x ftm reader #x male reader

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askforimagineoroneshot · 4 years

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No longer part of that family (Alice Cullen x Reader)

joey17sblog: Hi I was wondering if you could do alicecullen x trans ftm reader where the reader goes to the cullens after being kicked out by his parents, he comes out to the cullens and alice scared of what they're are going to say but alice and them accept him as they take him in.

Hope you like it. I loved writing this. I would love some feedback. Love you guys. Requests are open! Send them in!

MASTERLIST

Reader's point of view

I am crying so hard right now that I can not see at my hands as I pack my stuff in bags. I am not taking everything with me. I can not possibly do that. And I don't even want to do that. Not all of my clothes would fit me anymore. I am no longer the person I was born as anymore. Well at least physically. I am no longer a woman. And that is why I am packing my stuff. My family no longer loves me. Why? Because I was being true to myself and followed my heart. And for that reason I went through transformation.

I am so happy that the school year is finished and that I am not having to go to school like this. I am crying but not because I am ashamed. I am never going to do that again. No matter how much my family wants me to. I am sad because I use to love my family. And it took a shock for me to realize what the word family means. Now I know. It is a sad moment but I wouldn't take anything I did in my life back.

That's it. I pack what I want to take from here to my new life. Why I am taking my stuff from my family house? I had the idea that maybe it is as hard on my family as it was for me to change the way I needed. Maybe they just need some more time. To get use to it.

And I was wrong. I should have listen to my partner that told me, it will not end well. And I should have listen to her, not just because she can see future. I guess I just wanted this to work way too hard.

Let's just say I learned my lesson. It was hard to hear those words out of mouth of my mother but I will be happy again. I believe that.

As I am carrying my last bag into my car my phone starts to ring. I don't need to look to know who it is. I am sure she saw it all. Witch I am angry at. I wanted some time to think. But I can not be angry at Alice. None of this is her fault. She is always here for me and is trying her best to help me in every way.

I close the trunk of my car with all of my thinks. I get the phone out of my back pocket of the jeans.

“Hi.” I answered the phone. I am calm now at least I sound like it.

“Hi my love.” I can tell she wants to ask so many questions but is scared to. She wants me to have the right to tell her what I want to.

“Did you see it all?” I asked her even when I knew the answer.

“I did.” she is silent for a moment. “I wanted for you to have a time to think about everything but I am just to worried about you.” she tells me the true.

“Well, thank you for that but I am okay, for now I guess.” I look back at the house I spend my whole life in. My childhood and my life in body that was not meant for me. Now I know that this end only means that I have a new life before me. I am excited for it.

“Do you want me to help you move to my house?” Alice asked after a moment of silent. With that being said I know that she didn't look at my life to give a privacy.

“No. I am done here.” one last look and I get in my car and started it. “I already have a place.” I answer second part of her question.

“A place?” I am not surprised by her reaction. No one knew about me getting apartment in city.

“Yeah.” that is all I get out of me. “Look can we meet somewhere neutral? Maybe a coffee shop at shopping center or somewhere?” I am next to ask.

“Sure. I will get there as fast as possible.” she tells me.

“Calm down. I am not as fast as you.” I joke about my situation which makes her laugh. With that we say our goodbyes.

I start the car and get on my way. I put radio on. For no reason. I just don't want it to be so silent in here. It is not raining today. It is surprise for a place like Forks. In a way there is no place like Forks. With its people and places that I love and sometimes hate. Everyone knows everyone. Sometimes we pretend that it is not true but we do.

I am lucky in one thing today, if in nothing else, it is not sunny day. So I don't have to hide with Alice somewhere in the forest. We can go out where other people can see us.

I get to place when I said to meet Alice at. I park in empty spot. I wait a moment when the engine dies out. I am not looking at anyone that walks on the sidewalk around my car. I just need a moment to think and calm down. When I get out of my car I leave my stuff in it. I only have my jacket, phone and wallet. I lock the car and go inside the coffee shop that is right next to the shopping center. Not many people goes here, not that many people lives here. But there are two other coffee shops inside the center. This one is always almost empty and that is something I love about this place.

I get in and look around to search for Alice. I am sure she is here already and I am right. I see her at the end of the shop at the dark spot. I walk to her and on my way I greet the owner that in in work today.

“Hello my love.” she stands up and hugs me.

“Hi, I see you take a funny touch when you were picking a spot to sit in.” I joke again. I need a people around me to smile so I can feel happy again.

We sat down at the table. She smiled at me. “Well I felt like I needed to put smile at your face.” her sweet voice sound like ballad to my ears.

“You do that even when you don't try to.” I tell her and look at the table. There is a coffee in front of me. “Thank you.” I take the cup in my hand and drink from it.

“How are you feeling, Y/N.” she is more serious with me. I can tell she is worried for me.

“It was a shock even when you told me many times it will happen eventually. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. And it will be so violent. I don't know what I expected at all. I guess I was getting ready for this moment. For so long and still I got surprised at the end.” I told her. I am fighting tears right now. Even when I don't feel like I want to.

“I know how much you wanted it to work out. And I know how hard you have been working on it. That is why it is so hard to accept. And why I am so angry right now. Knowing how much time and effort from you went into it. But no matter how hard we sometimes work it needs effort from both sides, Y/N.” I feel her hand running down my back.

I know she is right. I know how long she was telling me this will happen. It is just hard to see people you love turn their back at you just because they don't want to understand you. Just because it is easier that way and it takes a lot less time.

“Well, what happen happen and there is nothing we can do about it. Just to move on. And I am more than ready to do that to be honest.” I told her. I wanted this topic of the table.

“I agree with you on that.” she smiled at me and reach to hold my hand on the table. I let her do that. “I am more than happy to move you out of that house. You can live with me.” her voice got higher from the excitement.

“Calm down.” I laugh. Maybe for the first time since the fight I had with my family. “I found myself a place to go. A nice flat.” I told her. I could tell she was surprised by that. “It's not that I don't want to live with you or that I don't love you. It would not be fear with you. I need to figure things out first. Okay?” I asked at the end.

“I get it. Don't worry.” she told me with smile. “I just want you to know that I am here for you.”

“I know.” I smile back at her. “And I do appreciate it.” I take another sip of my coffe. I am more relaxe now that I know I have a support in her.

A phone on the table rings. I know it is not mine. I look at Alice and she is looking me in the eyes. She knows who it is and still has a doubt to pick it up.

“It's Emmett. He is worried about you. He could tell something was of today and I told him. He just wants to know if you are okay.” she tells me like she needs to justify herself.

“Go for it. You don't have to ask me.” I don't know why she felt like it. But she was wrong. “I need to use restroom.” I tell her and leave the room with her behind me.

When I get to the restroom I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I look myself in the mirror. I don't look the worst but also not the best. I wash my hand and my face to cool myself down. Last look in the mirror and I left the room. I didn't really need to pee I just needed a moment to breath.

“Everything okay?” I asked Alice when I get back.

“Yes, my love. Emmett says hi.” she answered me. I smile at that and sit down to her. I am almost done with my coffee. “He said he is more then just ready to help you move. Not that I wouldn't be enough.” I laugh. I love her and her family so much. And I know now that my life is only gonna get better.

#alice cullen #alice cullen x reader #alice cullen imagine #cullen x reader #cullen imagine #twilight x reader #twilight #twilight imagine #trangender #transgender imagine

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forclosetedtransboys · 4 years

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hi. i am a closeted trans boy living in a very transphobic family. they yell at me for trying to be masculine and tell me i'm "trying too hard" or i'm "an eyesore" because i put my hair up in a hat. i'm getting a short haircut for basically the first time in my life on wednesday though! the point of this rant though, is if you have any advice for what i can do to 1) stay in the closet (i don't want to come out until i'm able to leave and probably never come back) and 2) feel and look masc?

Hey man! Congratulations on getting your hair cut soon! Here are some “excuses” you can make for why you want your hair cut.

You like it out of the way

It’s less trouble like this

You think it looked really good on [insert celebrity name here]. (Female celebrities who had the short pixie cut include Emma Watson, Zendaya, Jennifer Lawrence, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, Shailene Woodley. I chose these specific actors because they’re not known as far as I know for being in the LGBTQ+ community so that your parents don’t get suspicious).

Tips for looking and feeling more masculine:

Unisex/boys’ section clothes. They have a different “cut,” meaning women’s shirts are usually taken in at the waist and have more shape, same with pants etc.

If you don’t like peeing on the toilet, you can stand and pee in the shower!

Surround yourself with positive things - like this blog with positive trans boy stuff, if you have supportive friends, or make supportive friends. When you have so much negativity coming from your family, it’s important to have the positive things in your life that you can fall back on. And that includes me! If you ever just need a chat, you can DM me at @thatshortdudety or message the blog.

Work out. Stereotype, I know. But, as well as helping people feel more masculine, it’s actually really good for you! It brings out endorphins, our happy hormones, and builds up our muscle so that we can feel better about ourselves and look more masculine! If you want tips on how to “work out” or exercise, let me know and I can do a post about it.

Lower your voice. You can do a bunch of complicated little exercises and find them just by googling “ftm voice exercises,” but what it does is just shows you how to get a comfortable low note to talk with. If that’s something you’re interested in, go for it! Google away! [side note: if anybody wants any of these resources but can’t google things because their parents might find out, please let me know exactly what you want researched and I will do it for you and either sum it up (if you can’t even click on the link and risk having it in your search history) or send the link in a separate post so that you know exactly what was on the website or video etc)

As for tips for staying in the closet as well as things I’ve said earlier:

- avoid conversations where you know you’d probably get too upset with people. For example, if you know one specific person who is very transphobic and you know they’re going to say something upsetting that you’ll try and argue against, try and avoid that person so that they don’t challenge you with, “Why do you even care?”

- try not to have a big online presence out as trans. Especially if your parents go through your emails and things and will be able to find your social media profiles and find out your true identity and get you in trouble for it

- Often parents look at their child’s friends and judge them - so if your parents say that your friends “look gay” and that they don’t want you hanging around them (and other homophobic/transphobic things), it’s probably best to try and only contact your friends when your parents won’t be able to find out (ESPECIALLY when you are AT RISK OF GETTING HURT.) Friends are very important to have to most people, especially when they give you the support you don’t have at home, but making sure you are SAFE is your priority. Good friends will understand that.

That’s all I can think of for now - hopefully these help you!

Stay safe my dude.

- Ty

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translgbtq · 2 years

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Axolom Handy STP Packer Review: Stand To Pee Prosthetics

Most of the STP packer is not made in the right direction. Some packers are very hard and some packer is so soft that It’s unable to pee. So, we need to choose the right FTM STP packer. We think Axolom Handy can be perfect for almost all the trans guys who find 6 – 7 inch packers. Intro: Handy STP Packer Axolom Handy Buy Now Handy is a model name of a stand to pee prosthetics of Axolom. It is…

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trendercore-aesthetic · 5 years

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I finally made an about me

It's more of an FAQ, but whatever.

It’s a page on my blog, and it’s linked in my bio. Don’t feel like clicking on either of those? Here’s a link. Still not appealing? It’s under the cut too.

Who the FUCK am I?

Oh? You wanted to know more about me? Here are some details.

I’m Ryan

I’m 17

Gender: FTM

Sexuality: Panalterous Asexual (What this means - panromantic means attracted to all genders. Alterous means someone who can’t be described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic)

Religion: Jewish

Race: I’m mixed as fuck, but the best way to describe it would be afrolatinx and native.

My hair: Blonde, because I bleached it. It’s naturally red though.

Other things: I’m autistic, and have eyes that barely allow me to drive (don’t feel like opening that can of worms)

What’s trendercore?

okay so trendercore is essentially the reclamation of the idea of the word ‘transtrender’ and surrounds the aesthetic of people commonly called ‘transtrenders.’ this usually means:

- bright colors

- pride (rainbows, flags, being excited/happy about your identity)

- soft things

- gender noncomformity

but really though you don’t have to do any of that stuff to be trendercore. trendercore has that as like a general aesthetic but really, all you need are two things:

1. The belief that you do not need dysphoria to be trans

2. The belief that policing other people’s identities and presentations is wrong

And there you go. You can trendercore. Trendercore is meant to be super accessible meaning you can pull it off anyway you feel comfortable. Personally, I find it really hard to float with gender nonconformity, so I just really rock the other stuff.

I know way before @uwumars made a whole fuckign guide about this. In fact, if I’m correct, Mars inventened trendercore.

How often do you post?

My queue is currently at 50 posts per day. I post in between there too. So…a lot?

Why is the title on your blog Captain Pottymouth?

Someone derailed one of my posts and proceeded to call me captain pottymouth because I swear. Fuck them. Who the fuck cares about swearing?

What do I use to alleviate my dysphoria/help in my transition?

I am, at my most basic level, a twink. Let’s talk my transition.

My height dysphoria (5’ 3" lmao), is, hilariously, my worst dysphoria. I use lifts. Specifically, these lifts right here: https://peecockproducts.com/peecock-height-increase-insole.html

On the other hand, I am d e s p e r a t e for top surgery, so this is the binder I use. it works pretty well: https://www.gc2b.co/products/nude-no-2-tank

Packers? Of course: https://www.toolshedtoys.com/stp-fitz-stp-fitz-20-stand-to-pee-packer-mr-softie.html

Closet? I’ll update this later with the clothes that I buy but H&M is amazing.

Wanna learn more about me or see asks?

Search ryanspeaks or ryan speaks on my blog. You’ll see it all.

Hey, I tagged you in something and you didn’t answer!

It’s probably because my notes are usually pretty crazy. It’s best that if you tagged me in something, that you also send an ask mentioning it. I’ll have to find it, and it might take a minute, but it’ll get handled.

You reblogged something I made. Can you take it down?

I have shitty eyes so I tend to miss DNIs. I’m super sorry if I did. PM me or put an ask in. I’ll remove it. No reasoning necessary, just send the post. Even if you just send your username I can remove it pretty quickly.

What is your DNI?

I like to think that if you read my bio, which has no DNI, you would already know if you weren’t welcome here. But since ya don’t:

Acephobes (yes that means you, ace exclusionists), arophobes (yes, that means you, aro exclusionists), biphobes and panphobes (that means you, bi and pan exclusionists), cis bootlickers (that means you, transmeds and truscum), selective allies (that means you, cishets who have decided to pick and choose who to support), pedophiles and pedophile apologists (that means you: MAPs, ageplayers, DDLG, and anyone who supports those communities), transmisogynists (that means you, TERFs, radfems, and anyone who uses their ideology), gay men fetishists (hello, fujoshi. get the fuck off my blog), lesbian fetishists (do i have to make it any more obvious?). Don’t bother if you’re a fascist (aka Trump supporters).

Hopefully that’s it. Don’t make me add more.

Is it worth saying that this doesn’t apply if I discourse with you? If I’m discoursing, interact at your own risk. It’s not my fault if you end up looking stupid.

Can I submit a post?

You can so long as you don’t participate in any of the above. Also make sure your username doesn’t include anything triggering like the r slur or the f slur. Pretty much anything from discourse to art is allowed

#ryan speaks #ryanspeaks #finally #took me long efuckingnough #yes I swear in it #the link is a swear too lmao #at this point #saying fuck is part of my personality #there will never be a let Ryan say fuck post ever

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thetransangels · 6 years

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Hi there ^^ My name is Mercury and I'm a 27 yr old trans man. I'm writing to you today for advice on chest binders. What brand, in your educated opinion/experience, is comfortable enough to wear for an entire 8 hour shift of work? How does one go about properly measuring their chest for a binder? I've read several differing articles on the subject and I'm a little confused. Also, what prosthetic would give me a natural look/feel? I appreciate you taking the time to read & reply to this

Hi Mercury,

So this will be quite a long reply and I apologise if you are not much of a reader, but I have tried to make it as informative yet simple as possible.

GC2B have a very good explanation on how to measure your chest here, but I have written a guide for you myself.

How you should measure your chest:

Make sure you have some measuring tape available.

Stand up straight.

Place the beginning of your tape (the 1) just above your nipple, and wrap the rest around your chest and back so that it leads back to the beginning of the tape.

Make sure it is not super tight and that the back is not loose or falling down your back.

Also make sure you are not tensing and are relaxed.

Whichever number is at the end of your tape, that is the size of your chest.

After you have done this, click here.

You are now ready to buy your binder.

Whichever number your chest (or size) is, buy a size up. For example, if your chest is between 30-32 in (which is an extra small), buy a small.

Which binder is comfortable enough to wear for an entire 8 hour shift at work?

Binders (and packers) are very subjective to an individuals own experience and body type. What I believe is the best binder or realistic packer is not so great or realistic to another person.

I have been binding with Underworks binders ever since I came out as trans. They are a sturdy material, so you do not need to worry about it falling apart and have excellent compression. That being said, they are not particularly comfy.

After long use, they will cause chest and back pain. Therefore, if you are wanting to wear a binder for 8 hours straight, Underworks would not be the best idea. I wear my binder like this almost every day and it definitely is a strain on my body.

GC2B on the other hand, is very comfy particularly when worn inside-out if the inside material causes irritation, which it did for me. It is made of a soft and thin material, unlike Underworks, which is more thick. However, the GC2B is not that great at compressing. Therefore, I always wear a hoodie to hide this. I mostly wear my GC2B indoors or when I am in pain and cannot wear my Underworks.

I would not recommend any binder brand other than the two stated, simply because they are the top best and many other binder brands (although cheap) are not particularly safe. For example, many binders on ebay and amazon. If you are going to buy another brand not stated here, make sure you thoroughly research such as the materials they use and reviews.

Body shape has everything to do with how a binder will fit you. If you have a bigger body, structure and chest, an Underworks binder will likely be the best choice for you. If you are small, a GC2B binder would work; saying that, I was 33 inches last time I measured, 48kg and GC2B does not work with me at all, whereas Underworks does.

All I can suggest is to just try them both. No review or opinion will be able to accurately describe how a binder will work on your body. Begin with either an Underworks or GC2B binder and if one does not work out, sell or donate it and try the other.

What prosthetic would give me a natural look/feel?

Prosthetics are a very similar story to chest binders. Some guys like them big, some like them soft and some like them realistic. I personally have never packed; I used to desperately want to pack but I am able to ignore that area most of the time. Now, I have no interest in packing simply because it just is not a real penis and makes me focus on that area more.

I am familiar with different packers though, so if you are looking for a realistic packer, Transthetics, Peecock, Reel Magik and Freetom are available, which offer everyday packers, Stand-To-Pee packers and Play packers. The only negative of these packers are that they are very expensive and may only come in bigger sizes.

There are less realistic packers available on FTM Essentials, that are affordable. I would check those out and decide which one you would like to go for. Again, read and watch reviews but be aware that everyone is different. I recommend UppercaseCHASE1.

I hope I have helped,

Caleb

#reply #packers #packing #ftm #gc2b #binder #binding #underworks #peecock #transthetics #reelmagik #freetom

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mlm-writer · 2 years

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Pride Month Prompts

READ ALL WORKS HERE

Ok so we are basically doing kinktober for pride month. Basically here are my prompts for the month (I will write them in advance and release them somewhere during pride month one by one). Scroll all the way down for rules on requests for pride month.

Trans reader is accompanied by their partner to the bathroom because they don't pass as their preferred gender yet and they are scared to go alone [TAKEN: Thor x FtM reader]

Roommate thinks he is homophobic, because gay reader kissing men on the couch angers him inexplicably much. Turns out he doesn't mind reader kissing men as long as the man reader is kissing is him. (Yes based on that reddit post) [TAKEN: Adrian Chase x reader]

Bigender reader sometimes presents very masculine, other times very feminine. Their dumbass crush thinks there are two separate people they are in love with and is having severe bi-panic until they find out they are in love with just one person. [TAKEN: Leonard Snart x reader]

Drag queen reader is afraid of telling their boyfriend about their job. A rival drag queen exposes them to their boyfriend, before the reader gets a chance to tell him themself. Boyfriend is either very supportive from the get go or needs to be educated.

Pre-op MtF x FtM partners finding a way to have sex without triggering each other's gender dysphoria [TAKEN: Ray Palmer x Reader]

Demisexual reader thought they were asexual, but after a year or two with their current partner, there are new feelings bubbling and now it looks like they have to come out a second time. [TAKEN: Adrian Chase x reader]

Asexual reader willing to engage in some sexual activity with a partner trying to find a way that satisfies both their needs and preferences [TAKEN: Stephen Strange x Reader]

Perfectly straight man finds something awakening in him after getting picked up like he weighted nothing by hunky reader (yes based on that one TikTok) [TAKEN: Dick Grayson x reader]

And they were two closeted roommates trying to figure out if the other is gay without exposing themselves [TAKEN: Peter Parker (TH ver) x reader]

FtM reader learning to pee standing up, failing miserably, getting anxious and then getting help from their lovely AMAB partner [TAKEN: Wade Wilson x reader]

Autosexual person gets cloned and sexy times ensue

Aromantic reader and their aromantic best friend unaffected by love potion and are the last hope against the evil wizard

Explaining gender/sexuality to an non-human sentient being who has no concept of gender/sexuality [TAKEN: Grunt ft. MShenko]

Gay sailor boy unaffected by the sirens. He's the only one who can save the ship… with the hot captain apparently… [TAKEN: John Constantine x reader]

No man or woman could kill the beast. Time to send the agender knight.

You can request a character x reader, but I am also willing to do some (platonic) ships (see my character list for all characters I write). As you see there are only 15 prompts, which means you can also send prompts of your own in my asks. Normally I only write male and gender neutral/unspecified readers, but for pride month, I am willing to expand. I will not do cis female reader though or lesbians (not because I hate lesbians; I just feel weird writing about lesbians as a man). All stories written are meant to be works written to celebrate the community and the flavours we have to offer. Except for the gender restiction, my usual rules apply. Lastly, characters that are canonly male, will not be written as MtF and characters that are canonically female, will not be written as FtM. Happy requesting!

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achublesumi · 6 years

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Gay Pride Month 2018: I am Fluxsexual

So, I've decided to write about my pride, but not the boastful "Oh I'm perfect," pride. I'm talking gay shit. I don't know if that's really any better, but, honestly, it's one of the bigger facets of my being. I had always been gay and trans. Some of the earliest memories was me dressing as a boy, trying to pee standing up. They are memories I smile at and remember fondly, though I also have the scary, anxious memories as most of us LGBTQI people do. Remembering things like having my mom tell me I need to get a training bra (it literally wrecked my world because I had always seen myself as more masculine). Having to come out over and over again every time I found out something new about myself. That's always nerve-wracking.

So, I'm coming out again. Or, at least, explaining my seemingly complicated sexuality and gender. Do I need to? No, but I want people to understand me. I want to be open to those that have inquiring minds, or even harsh words. I want ignorant people to read this and scream at their god about how sinful I am. At least they now have some knowledge of our struggles as a community, even if they act like they don't. The main point is, this is for me. I don't care what others have to say or what they think. This is me. This is for those that wish to get to know me and to scare off those that thought they did. I don't need negative people who can't accept my fluctuating self. I am a creature of the universe and I will forever keep changing and growing. Get over it. #sorrynotsorry

I'm water, okay.

My gender and sexuality have changed many times. I started as a "straight", unknowingly-trans-cis female who didn't even really believe gay people existed. (Long story short, I had a very religious sperm donor who preached the words of his god and said how bad gay people where.) As I went through elementary school awkwardly I had a bad experience with a cis-male person. (I will need to write about it another time.) It left me fearing cis-male persons (and maybe even others). Though I didn't realize this fear until I was in high school. So, not knowing it was fear I chalked it up to hating men. Which I gave into. I would say things like, "All men are terrible/mean/gross/other means adjectives." I then just started saying I was a lesbian, cis-female throughout most of my high school years. I dated a female friend of mine eighth grade year, though our relationship was secret except to friends. People still somehow heard or assumed and picked fun at us. It was difficult. That was the first time I came out to my mom too. It was a very anxiety filled build up only to be told, "That's nice." I believe I eventually told her I was lesbian, but she would always tell me to, "Do whatever made me happy." I had also met my first actual gay person in seventh grade. At the time, she was a lesbian and talked about her girlfriend. I believe that got the wheels turning for me.

My freshman year of high school I was more "out". I would wear rainbows, but I was still a little nervous when others asked me about it. I had wanted to join my school's GSA, but was too nervous about it at the time. I also had a "boyfriend", but I never saw him because of the fear I was hiding. I avoided him like the plague and any guy that said they liked me. I would purposefully take a longer route to get to class to avoid any guys in that category. Eventually, though, I had to go to the library with a friend. He was there. My heart and mind started racing, I started sweating. I froze as he came towards me and wrapped his arms around me. I was like a scared rabbit or deer. If you had felt or heard my heart, you would have thought it was going to explode. He tilted my head up and kissed me, but all I did was freak out more. I buried my head in his chest and wrapped my arms in a vice like grip around him. I was internally freaking out. I literally didn't know what to do. Typing this now and remembering is giving me the same panicked feelings. Luckily, my friend must have noticed or felt how freaked out I was and grabbed me from him to drag me somewhere else. My savior. I don't know what happened to him, but I never saw him again after that.

I started going to anime conventions a lot with a friend as well and meeting people through that. I started dating a girl we had met at one of those events. She was nice, but lived in Phoenix. And had a boyfriend. She had, of course, cleared me with him first, so that was fine. I didn't mind at all. My first experience with an open relationship. That ended with her cheating, of course. We did try again after, but ended it about a month in. Distance is a killer for me. I also dated that same friend from before (my savior), though, looking back, I feel she is more asexual/aromatic. We broke up soon after dating.

I was a band geek as well, but only sophomore and junior years. Being in band is much like being in a really weird, sexually charged family. Especially with so many of us going through puberty and trying to find ourselves. A few guys in the band liked me, but I eventually became relaxed with it. They didn't do anything unless I told them it was okay. But I was still "lesbian". I had a couple weird experiences with guys through out my high school years, but I brushed them off as flings. I never had sex (and didn't until after I graduated HS). I also dated quite a few more females. Most, again, cheated on me. Sigh.

Through the Gay Straight Alliance club I was president of from sophomore to senior year, I was introduced to the Gay Lesbian Education Network (GLSEN) who would organize a little seminar for GSA's in Tucson. That was where I found the terms genderqueer and genderfluid. I feel I still embody both of those terms. I have feminine and masculine qualities, but I am also fluid through all sorts of genders. They also had meetings in Tucson to plan things like that and our GSA would go often and try and participate the best we could. I was also able to go to a retreat they put on up in NY right outside of NYC. It was a wonderful experience. It was where I had met my first trans people that were looking to transition. It was very eye opening. Hearing their stories started stirring something in my brain. This was the summer before senior year and I was 17 years old.

Though I had come to accept myself as gender queer/fluid, I had never really thought of myself as trans. I think it's because I really only thought of transsexual, as most people do. The night before we were supposed to leave, I had a break down. I sat outside on some grass and just started crying as realization set in. I had always been trans and I could actually see myself transitioning into a male. I don't think I was sad or scared from that, I was just sad because it had been repressed for so long. That, and the fear I had tried so hard to push down came bubbling up. I didn't hate men, I feared them. That ended up helping me define my sexuality as pansexual. I was able to go as Addem the next day as well as use male pronouns. It was so refreshing and felt nice. During senior year, my friends called me male and Addem sometimes. I was even marked absent one time because I was dressed and looked so masculine a substitute teacher would not accept me as who I was! I came out to my mom as well. She took me to a department store and bought me all kinds of male clothing. It was a better response than I could have asked for. Though everyone did not respect my pronouns and what not, I was still just happy. Sure, I had some kids make fun of me throughout my high school career, but kids are just dicks in general.

As an adult, I've also fluctuated. I had sex with a male at 19. We dated for almost 5 years and were even engaged. Though I had always wanted to have sex with a girl first, I was fine with the experience. I had told him I was into open relationships and he didn't seem opposed (when he actually was). I had met a few girls off of Craigslist (yes, I was one of those). We didn't really do much but hang out a few times, but it was still nice. Eventually, my fiance invited another female out for a night of drinking and sex with my first girl happened. She was ideal physically, though she really was not there to be my partner. She wanted just A as a partner, so we ended the relationship. Though she was the one that introduced me to FetLife. I was also on antidepressant/anxiety meds and put myself on Depoprovera shots. My sexual urges took a nose dive. Besides that point, A making me feel gross as a female and never respecting my gender identity. We didn't have sex often and I guess that made him feel I didn't love him? Thanks for the talk...

I got a coworker of mine into FetLife and going to meets. We played with her a few times and she expressed she was interested in being in a relationship with us. There was a couple of others we were in a temporary relationship with that ended soon after we started dating her. We'll call her AB. She had lied the whole time and just wanted A, to no surprise. What was surprising is how they cheated (there's a writing about them somewhere).

Now, my current partner(s), one of which is my spouse (@ekelarsons). Arson is an amazing human being and has helped me grow and express many of my suppressed dimensions. I'm able to say no without feeling bad. I am allowed to dress masculine and be called male pronouns. He uses my preferred pronouns which are "They/Them". It's beautiful.

Now, the point! I am water. I am forever fluctuating, flowing, bending, changing. "My sexuality is as fluid as my gender." is always something I like to say. I go from being hypersexual one week/day/minute to being completely asexual the next. I prefer female bodied partners, but have never been with a MTF person nor a FTM. Cis-males (and maybe FTM?) still scare me to no end, though I am sometimes sexually attracted to them (though older men scare me most, probably because I relate them to my sperm donor). I am usually demisexual with men, but sometimes I just want asexual relationship with one. I am usually highly sexually attracted to most female bodied people, but I get scared or nervous when being sexual with them (though I have had sex with women more than men). I also do this thing where I tell people I have a crush on them so if nothing can happen, I get over the feelings more quickly. I am an enigma. I am complex. My sexuality, gender, and attraction fluxes.

I am gender queer/fluid. I am fluxsexual. I am coming out once again with this term I was trying to make up, but also see others using on the internet. It fits since omnisexual is actually differently defined than what I was using it as.

Thanks for reading. :)

#gay pride month #gay #pride #fluxsexual #transgender #trans #truth #sorry not sorry #genderqueer #genderfluid #queer

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the-guyed-guy · 7 years

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Hey, my name is Alex and I'm a trans guy, pre-everything. I was wondering if you had any tips for dealing with dysphoria? Its been getting really bad for me lately to the point where I can barely even function.

hey man I’m sorry dysphoria has got you down. here’s some things that aways help me.

1.) Peeing standing up.It takes a long time to learn but it’s worth it. here’s an article that will teach you how:http://m.wikihow.com/Urinate-Standing-Up-as-a-Female?amp=1

2.) musicI made a top ten list not too long ago so go check that out.

3.) makeup look up things like “masculine contouring tutorial” or “fake facial hair makeup” or just something as simple as thickening up your brows might make you feel more manly

4.) Buy manly underwearmy personal favorites are boxer briefs because they are the perfect mix of unmistakably manly and snug enough to pack with. Also, just chilling around in your underwear is a grea way to become more comfortable with your body.

5.) Packingpacking is the best!! Look up things like “condom packer ftm” and “sock packer ftm” for instructions on how to make a packer or you can buy one online

Sorry if this seemed rushed but I had this huge long answer with a bunch of details and then it wouldn’t post so… sorry man…

I hope this will help you.

-Jesse

#asked and answered #Jesse Boy

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mergaliscious · 7 years

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How I Decided I'm Trans

When I was a little girl (or so I and everyone else thought), I would do little things like wrap my towel around my waist or wait until my sister was on the toilet so I had an excuse to stand in the bathtub to pee. My family thought it was odd, but no one believed there was any deeper meaning.

In sixth grade, my best friend told me that everyone started out as a "girl" until the "boys'" junk dropped. I was fully aware that he meant in the womb, yet I still hoped that I was the exception; a late bloomer, if you will. I fantasized about waking up one morning with a penis and testes and suddenly being a boy. I, of course, knew that people being accepting of me and understanding that I had changed genders was even less realistic than my genitals forming at age 11, so I fabricated a plan to move across the country and change my entire name, not just my first (which I would probably change either way, and did).

Later that year, or maybe it was the year before, my friend came out to me as bisexual. I was unaware of what the word meant, so I put the meanings of bi and sex together and assumed it had to do with gender. Maybe it meant she was both a girl and a boy? She sure looked like a girl. Perhaps she was mostly a girl on the outside, and mostly a boy on the inside. I told her I was too. I confessed to another best friend in eighth grade how much I'd like to be a man, but how afraid I was to get surgery, because I had seen "those people" mocked on TV throughout my life. At this point, even at 13, I believed I had to get surgery to be a man.

The next summer, I was reading things on Wattpad. I went to the bio of an author I liked, and saw a biography that he had written about his transition. It said something about transgender, whatever that meant, and ftm, whatever that stood for. I read the biography and related to every word, up until he realized that he was a boy. I DMed him and asked some innocent questions that most transgender people (along with other groups) would be extremely offended by. He told me that no, he didn't have both parts. He had female parts and a female body, but on the inside, he was male. He explained more of this gender stuff to me, shared details that weren't in the book. At this point, I started to grasp a hold on who I am. I still didn't understand, though, that I decide on my gender myself and no one else should have a say in it. So I took online quizzes and looked up "symptoms" (yes, I'm cringing too, but I didn't know any better then). I didn't relate to all of the signs, and most quizzes gave me a "Eh, You Might Be." When I took a gender quiz unrelated to sex, it told me I was 56% male and 44% female. It, of course, was talking about stereotypical gender roles, but I took its word as law and decided I was not transgender. Maybe I was just trying to be different. Maybe I didn't relate to my author pal at all. Either way, I wasn't nearly masculine enough to be a man. The next spring, I was on tumblr, which I had recently gotten addicted to, and found a post about LGBT+ identities as mythical creatures. The gender fluid Cerberus was adorable, but what did it mean? I knew what Cerberus meant, Fluffy was a Cerberus, but what was gender fluid? It sounded kind of like transgender. I looked it up, and sure enough, it was a gender identity. Part guy and part gal, eh? Like... 56/44? I decided that I was gender fluid. It made sense. Sometimes I hated my body more than others. Some days I liked my boobs, and some days I found it fun to dress up girly. Those were my "girl days." Other days, when I hated my curves, and how short I was, days when I wished I could pee standing and have sex with my boyfriend the other way, those were my "boy days." I knitted bracelets to signify the days so none of my close friends would call me the wrong thing. I went by she/her pronouns either way, because I didn't want to confuse everyone, but sometimes it just hurt to be called a girl. I had always been uncomfortable with the world "lady," even when I was really little, but at this point other words started to bother me just as much.

That summer, I was in a play. It was a sequel to Peter Pan written by my science teacher at the time. She had two roles she had her eye on for me. Both personalities really reminded her of me. One was a lost boy, but after seeing me audition, she realized I could play the other part, the bigger one, Wendy's adopted son. There were basically four main characters in the show: Jane (Wendy's daughter, my character's adopted sister), Peter Pan obviously, Hook, and me, Damien. The theater was really inclusive. Many of the cast and crew were LGBT+. One of the mermaids was trans, and one of the other main characters who I won't name in case anyone on here knows who I'm talking about. They're so passable that I only knew based on what I was told by one of our crew, who was also trans. Very few people knew about him, either, and he wanted to keep it way, yet for some reason he trusted me enough to tell me during our first conversation (maybe we have like a radar thing where we can tell other trans people even before they're out?). I, in return, told him I was gender fluid. We had a conversation about dysphoria, in which I told him it would be difficult for me to decide what to do, because some days I wanted to be flat chested shirtless and have a penis, but others I wanted my boobs. I never really cared about my vagina, but I couldn't get a penis without getting rid of my chest, which I was convinced I would miss.

During the play, though, people referred to me as my character, even backstage. I had already started going by my middle name, Morgan, because it's gender neutral, but there was something exhilarating about being called by a purely male name, and being called "he," even on my feminine days. I took the play and my male role as an excuse to bind more often. My trans crew member friend gave me one of his binders so I could do it more safely (which is honestly kind of hilarious because even without a binder I was being safer than he was with one). My masculine days increased, and my feminine days became few and far between. Eventually I realized that some sexist asshole on the internet has no right to decide what gender I am, nor does a child psychologist who thinks being transgender is a disease and wants to warn parents before it's too late. I've always kind of molded to what other people wanted me to be, which is why I mistook my less dysphoric times for wanting to remain female. Even though I can only remember those few specific events from my childhood in which I predicted this (well, there was a dream when I was 10, but I'd rather not discuss that right now), I know now that this is who I am.

The moral of the story is it doesn't matter if you're more traditionally masculine or feminine, or how much of the time you have dysphoria or how severe your dysphoria is; you can be whoever you want to be. If you have to go through a few genders to figure it out, that's okay. Also, apparently having people call you by different names and pronouns helps the decision process.

#transgender #ftm #backstory

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