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#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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rachelillustrates · 1 year
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On Bagginshield and soul-matches:
(Surprise! I have more thoughts.)
I wrote my original commentary on the development of their relationship before I had heard of Dwarven Ones, and I think fanon-wise it's well established that Dwarves know their Ones on sight (with varying degrees of realizing what that *feeling* means, how long it takes them to realize that, etc.).
In the interest/idea of Hobbits having soul-matches too - shoutout to "The Will of the Green Lady (and Her Husband the Smith)" by Dragonsteamfan) for the spark of my own headcanons about all this - if they know theirs by touch, then Bilbo would have recognized Thorin as his at their first meeting.
In going back through the gathering scene at Bag End, when he first meets them all - Thorin takes great care not to touch him as he circles around him at their introduction, studying him, but just far enough away that no part of them ever brushes.
(And I think a lot could be said about that, considering that if he recognized Bilbo as his One immediately - which seems likely, considering how his posture changes and the slight wide-eyed panic just visible on his face when he and Bilbo make eye contact, at Gandalf's introduction - he shoves that aside to immediately criticize him and distance himself from the notion. Even in the face of how breathless-quiet Bilbo's tone is as he looks him up and down in turn. Ahem.)
But then! After he is seated and gets what's left of the food, Gandalf calls for more light as he spreads out the map of the area around Erebor. And Bilbo has to lean in to do that, which presses him right into the space between Thorin and Gandalf.
Having literally walked up to my TV and measured out the space of Thorin's shoulders with my hands, there is no way Bilbo wasn't leaning on Thorin there, in order to get close enough to read "the Lonely Mountain" aloud.
He also goes back into his kitchen right after this, fussing at the space where his mugs seem to be set, and he is not putting the candle away. He set it on the table, and then chose to leave the room. Only to then get distracted by mention of Smaug and the dangers contained therein.
So, he goes from leaning in to read the map, brushing arm to Thorin's shoulder in the process, then chooses to step away and gets fussy over something that does not appear to need fussing over, before he gets pulled back into the greater conversation on the quest itself.
There is an empty space there as to why he chose to leave the room and why he seemed to be getting emotional.
So.
If Hobbits recognize their soul-matches through touch.
I believe that happened for him in that moment. Even if he got distracted from that news of his heart by all the danger and excitement of the quest. Which is a very nice parallel to Thorin actively shoving his own revelation aside before.
(Not to mention how when Gandalf insists that Thorin trust him, and hire Bilbo, there is quite a lot of blinking in his staring at the Wizard as he answers - like he's still fighting against it, "This CANNOT be correct what in Mahal's name am I getting myself into?" And that after Bilbo himself agreed vehemently with many of the Company claiming he was unfit to join them, which reads as further passive denial of his own feelings, on top of his fear about the journey itself.)
(Which adds very interesting weight to the gruff, resigned way Thorin shoves the contract at Bilbo's chest, without looking at him - "FINE. This is happening. Let's see what happens." And to the fact that, as Bilbo is reading over the contract, Thorin whispers to Gandalf that he cannot guarantee Bilbo's safety, "nor will I be responsible for his fate." He separates those two things - Bilbo's safety/the danger, AND his fate, which encompasses MORE than physical safety. Hmm...)
He also keeps standing, watching Bilbo read, while most of the rest of the Company have gone back to their own conversation to give him some privacy. Until he starts listing all the ways in which he might die, to which he turns away, but still doesn't sit back down.
And a lot of emphasis is put on how Bilbo won't come back the same, if he does come back, when he and Gandalf talk more directly about his choice. A conversation which Thorin was listening in on, with Balin, and to which he stares after Bilbo (after he tells Gandalf no and walks off) more than a bit longer than necessary.
Not to mention that as Bilbo sits leaning against his bedpost, listening to Thorin (and then the others too) sing, he looks dazed. Almost neutral. Spent. Which I've always thought was an odd choice, considering what's written in the book about the moment (it looks like he's disassociating) - BUT with the added layer of soul-match knowledge on top of his panic over the quest, the danger of it, warring with the adventurous Took side of him... it makes a lot more sense.
And then he's able to make sense of all of that, and finally snap and follow his heart, the next morning - when he's slept, and wakes up to an empty house, and has the space and privacy to really decide.
It's very difficult to figure out where to stop this commentary since this all barrels into e v e r y t h i n g else, so I will end with a note on what happens when he catches up with the party the Company and declares he's signed the contract, officially joining them after all.
We don't get Bilbo's reaction to Thorin in this scene at all, since it's so focused on his place in the entire group. But we do get a shot of Thorin turning back and looking at him as he has called out to them to wait, and catches up. He turns, as they all do, and looks at him in stern, frustrated disbelief, almost shaking his head at the end of the shot (as in, he moves as if he were about to, but then the camera cuts away). And he only speaks to Bilbo - actually, not even to Bilbo - in ordering the others to give him a pony, and he sounds resigned again. Then turns back to the path, urging his own pony forward, which signals Gandalf to start ahead too (that all happens at once, but technically Thorin moves first, just by a tiny smidge) and the others follow (and this effectively distracts Bilbo, as well, since his discomfort with the horses is already evident!). Which fits, still, with the idea that Thorin is shoving his feelings away, and Bilbo is passively distracted away from them.
So, again, watching all these scenes from the perspective of Dwarven Ones and the idea of Hobbit soul-matches too, I think it all fits and flows together even more solidly, with that Truth.
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epithmia-moved · 2 years
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𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒   —  𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤  𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞
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NAME:              mana  sevaess,        formerly  mikazuki  mami. ROMANTIC    ORIENTATION:              demiromantic  pansexual,    has  absolutely  no  preference. PREFERRED    PET    NAMES:              mana  does  not  particularly  care  for  them  either  way,    especially  in  receiving  them,    but  in  terms  of  addressing  a  significant  other  they  become  partial  to  the  occasional  usage  of  “my  love  /  love”,    “dear”,    and  other  adjacent  terms  of  endearment. RELATIONSHIP    STATUS:      this  varies  per  au.
FAVORITE    CANON    SHIP:              [  laughs  in  this  is  an  oc  blog  baby  everything  is  canon  here  bc  i  said  so  ]    cherry  x  mana,        ayato  x  mana,    you  can  see  where  this  is  going  —  all  my  ships  are  basically  canon  to  me  in  some  form  and  i  adore  each  and  every  one  of  them.     FAVORITE    NON-CANON    SHIP:              i.    am honestly not sure what to put here.  i  had  never  particularly  made  it  a  thing  to  focus  much  on  shipping  mana  much  with  any  npc  in  general,    and  i  kind  of  still  don’t,    though  i  can  see  certain  characters  working  well  with  them  if  the  opportunity  for  exploring  it  arises,    if  that’s  what  this  means  ??    so...    yeah i guESS OPINION    ON    TRUE    LOVE:              true  love  is  a  subjective  concept  to  mana  —  as  in,    they  think  true  love  can  be  depicted  differently  per  person  and  there  is  no  one  definitive  form  of  it.    it  could  be  a  soulmate  for  some,        a  childhood  friend,    someone  you  meet  that  you  just  click  with,    etc.    especially  when  considering  that  mana  handles  love  itself  a  little  different  than  most  might  in  general.    they  also  think  that  tacking  the  word  ‘true’  onto  it  denotes  a  kind  of  specific  and  unrealistic  tinge  to  it.    they  are  of  the  mindset  love  can  only  form  if  you  are  willing  and  able  to  understand  and  accept  someone  on  a  fundamental  level.    and  that  means  accepting  all  of  them  —  good,    bad,    and  anything  in-between  or  anything  that  may  come  after.    or,    conversely,    being  able  to  accept  that  past  a  certain  threshold  you  may  never  fully  understand  or  know  all  of  them,    but  still  choosing  to  be  by  their  side  regardless.    love  to  them,    is  also  not  limited  to  a  singular  person. OPINION    ON    LOVE    AT    FIRST    SIGHT:              this  is  something  mana  absolutely  does  not  believe  in.    especially  not  personally.    they  are  aware  that  you  may  be  inexplicably  attracted  to  someone  and  thus  heavily  interested  in  them,    but  there  would  be  zero  genuine  and  pure  affection  within  that. HOW    ROMANTIC    ARE    THEY?              often  partner  dependent  —  but  innately,    mana  can  coast  the  line  of  being  a  bit  of  a  romantic.    some  of  mana’s  actions  and  choices  of  words  may  just  come  off  that  way  without  any  real  attempts  put  into  it  at  times,    but  it’s  more  so  attributed  to  just  to  how  devoted  and  tuned  into  their  significant  other  they  become.    romance  is  something  mana  would  definitely  delve  into,    if  only  more  so  for  their  lover  than  themself  —  because  it’s  not  something  mana  exactly  craves  a  lot  or  would  need  in  order  to  be  content  inside  of  a  relationship  with  anybody.
IDEAL    PHYSICAL    TRAITS:              a  physical  appearance  is  not  a  factor  at  all  when  it  comes  to  what  will  and  what  won’t  attract  mana  to  someone,    it  has  never  been  at  the  forefront  of  their  mind  and  never  will  be  —  so  much  so  to  the  point,    that  often,    mana  can  admit  that  someone  is  attractive  conventionally,    but  have  it  ring  hollow.    because  they  are  pretty  —  but  mana  just  doesn’t  care  /  is  not  affected.    i  can  say  however,    that  they  do  appreciate  someone  who  can  take  care  of  themselves  (  at  least  on  a  bare  basic  level,    because  they  are  not  one  to  talk  most  of  the  time  )    and  has  a  bit  of  strength  to  them.        whenever  mana  becomes  aware  and  attentive  of  someone’s  physical  appearance,      it  is  usually  long  after  some  sort  of  emotional  attachment  has  been  developed  first. IDEAL    PERSONALITY    TRAITS:              someone  who  is  understanding  and  /  or  accepting.    mana  is  not  an  easy  person  to  get  close  to  and  be  around  a  lot  of  the  time,    for  one  reason  or  another,    and  they  absolutely  need  someone  who  will  be  able  to  see  some  of  those  reasons  and  have  the  capacity  to  be  patient  with  them  on  it.    mana  also  finds  themself  pulled  to  people  who  are  determined  or  resolute  in  their  ideals  (  challenge  them,    stand  up  to  them,    don’t  be  afraid  to  prove  them  wrong  or  show  them  up  )  and  otherwise  things  they  are  passionate  about.    they  can’t  see  the  appeal  in  someone  who  can’t  stand  up  for  themselves,    let  alone  if  it  came  down  to  someone  they  cared  about.      intelligence  is  very  attractive,    though  not  necessary  and  can  be  sometimes  interchanged  with  passion  —    as  mana  is  the  type  of  person  who,    once  warmed  up  to  them,    actually  very  much  adores  a  person  who  likes  to  talk.    it’s  bonus  points  if  it’s  about  something  that  can  engage  the  both  of  them  intellectually  —  because  then  mana  may  even  come  to  participate  verbally  more,    rather  than  their  contentedness  to  just  listen. UNATTRACTIVE    PHYSICAL    TRAITS:              once  again,    appearances  don’t  play  a  factor  at  all  for  mana.    but  there  is  a  difference  to  maintaining  yourself  to  the  best  of  your  ability  and  just  not  giving  a  shit  at  all,    and  that’s  really  the  only  hard  no  factor. UNATTRACTIVE    PERSONALITY    TRAITS:              as  previously  mentioned,    mana  needs  someone  who  is  willing  to  be  patient  and  accepting  of  them  while  still  getting  closer  to  each  other  —    and  if  that’s  not  possible,    then  it  is  a  very  short  trip  on  that  road  to  romance.        something  in  particular  that  comes  to  mind  is  mana’s  habit  to  sometimes  just  up  and  leave  for  a  period  of  time  —    sometimes  without  any  notice  —    and  they  don’t  do  it  to  cause  issues  of  any  sort,    but  this  has  been  a  method  throughout  all  of  their  life  to  find  semblances  of  peace  and  often  to  reground  themselves  mentally  and  emotionally  before  coming  back  to  interact  and  be  around  people  again,        so  it’s  just  something  that  happens.    this  is,    absolutely,    a  habit  that  could  be  worked  on  over  time  and  maybe  even  to  the  point  in  a  relationship  where  mana  no  longer  seeks  those  periods  of  self  isolation  for  weeks  or  days  on  end  at  a  time  (  and  in  the  worst  of  it,    months  )  —    but  if  someone  gets  upset  about  that,    and  only  upset,    i  don’t  think  mana  could  very  well  be  attracted  much  to  them.    i’ve  also  pretty  much  mentioned  mana’s  aversion  to  cowardly  types  or  those  who  just  lack  in  general,    a  backbone  and  allow  others  to  walk  all  over  them.
IDEAL    DATE:              spending  quality  time  together  !    therefore  it  doesn’t  really  matter  at  the  end  of  the  day  what  the  event  in  question  is,    as  long  as  it  feels  like  at  the  end  of  it  they’ve  spent  enough  time  with  each  other.    a  preference  however,    would  be  had  for  small  adventures  —    as  mana  in  exploring  themself  finds  that  they  do  in  fact  like  going  out  and  exploring  new  places.    bonus  if  it’s  sort  of  in  line  in  energy  with  how  the  crystal  tower  raids  before  everything  went  to  shit  —  where  there  is  just  enough  danger  to  make  it  even  more  interesting,    but  none  to  the  point  it  would  be  a  high  point  of  stress  that  takes  away  from  the  enjoyment  of  the  overall  experience.    mana  would  also  be  quite  fond  of  just  squirreling  away  with  their  significant  other  for  a  time  —  a  small,    impromptu  secret  vacation  no  one  else  knows  about  —  or  just  staying  hidden  away  in  the  walls  of  their  home  for  an  evening. DO    THEY    HAVE    A    TYPE?              not  particularly.    the  most  in  line  things  to  a  ‘type’  would  be  the  attributes  listed  in  the  personality  section. AVERAGE    RELATIONSHIP    LENGTH:              seeing  as  how  mana  usually  does  not  entertain  the  notion  of  relationships  as  something  they  actively  seek,    when  one  is  established,    consider  them  being  in  it  for  the  long  haul.    very  much  so  a    “i  am  yours  until  you  do  not  want  me,    and  even  then”    type  of  person  in  their  affection  and  dedication.
PREFERRED    NON-SEXUAL    INTIMACY:              just  being  near  them  —  sitting  side  by  side,    with  shoulders  touching  or  resting  heads  together.    holding  hands  or  the  frequent  brushing  of  fingers,    brushing  /  washing  /  idly  playing  with  another’s  hair.    mana  also  often  when  interlocking  fingers,    idly  has  the  habit  of  holding  or  pressing  their  partners  fingers  or  the  back  of  their  hand  to  their  lips  for  a  kiss  or  too.    they  also  press  them  to  their  s/o’s  wrists  —  but  that’s  more  so  done  on  purpose.    they  very  much  just  like  to  be  able  to  exist  within  the  presence  of  their  partner  and  get  a  sense  of  joy  from  it,    even  if  they  may  not  be  directly  or  constantly  interacting  the  whole  time.
COMMITTMENT    LEVEL:              mana’s  commitment  level  can  be  considered  as  for  life  —  and  this  is  applicable  to  monogamous  and  open  relationships,    and  mana  does  not  have  an  aversion  to  either  or  (  it  is  always  the  person(s)  above  all  ).    if  they  get  to  that  point  of  developing  those  kinds  of  feelings  for  someone,    you’re  stuck  with  them.
OPINION    ON    PUBLIC    AFFECTION:              not  something  mana  is  particularly  a  fan  of,    but  they  won’t  begrudge  a  partner  if  they  enjoy  it.    just  don’t  go  overboard  with  it  —    a  stolen  kiss  here  or  there  is  fine,    as  is  holding  hands,    these  read  more  so  passive  to  them  and  are  things  they  may  even  initiate  themself  if  they’re  in  the  mood.    but  overly  dramatic  and  frequent  displays  of  affection  will  only  serve  to  upset  them  and  possibly,    even  make  them  anxious.
PAST    RELATIONSHIPS:              none.    they  however,    at  a  point  in  time  in  their  life,    made  attempts  that  ended  in  one  or  two  half  hearted  and  extremely  short  lived  flings  equivalent  to  a  one  night  stand.
TAGGED    BY:      no one  i  saw  this  shit  from  like  three  different  people  and  i  stole  it  lmao  (   @drachenblood​   @ritterblood​   @battlethrill​    )  TAGGING:      you should absolutely take this from me.
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ese350 · 2 years
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Three Key Takeaways from Beers ch. 4-7: Scaffolded Reading Lessons
1.      Direct instruction is effective in modeling and teaching specific strategies to scaffold reading comprehension skills. Without being explicitly instructed in these strategies/methods, dependent readers won’t just “pick them up” on their own; while some students will come to the same skills automatically, others need this kind of direct instruction.
I do worry some that it will be difficult for me to explain internal thought processes that have been automatic for me for 22 years or so. I’m a pretty analytical reader and I do a fair amount of writing (and I spend an almost excessive amount of time on thinking about how my word choices and phrasing will be read or understood by hypothetical readers) so it’s not that I’ve never externalized these thoughts, more that I’ll have to really keep in mind when this is something I have to make explicit for students. It’s going to vary a lot depending on the exact students I have, at the very least.
2.      Use anticipation guides (and other strategies) before reading to introduce key themes and concepts to students and to help them connect course content to their prior knowledge, interests, and experiences. Revisit them during and after reading to chart how students ideas change and develop based on new information, and to give students the opportunity to observe the same.
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Image: happy teens reading at the library, from Thinkstock. They’re so engaged! Not an AirPod in sight! What year was this taken? Can we go back?
3.      From page 104: “It is more critical for dependent readers to talk about texts during the reading than after it.” This kind of encapsulates some of the other big ideas from these chapters—you have to think aloud with students, model reading strategies, and check in with them as they read to help them use those strategies themselves and to monitor comprehension before reaching a frustration point.
One question these chapters raised for me: for the strategies/activities she says you shouldn’t do with all students, how do you target them for the students that do need the extra scaffolding without making those students feel, well, targeted? Kids notice right away if certain students are always grouped together, and no matter how “neutral” you try to make those groupings it won’t be too long before students have figured out that Peter, Paul, and Mary always get extra help, or that John, George, and Ringo get additional or more complex work.
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mae-gi-writes · 3 years
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My Heart Beats | Seo Changbin (Stray Kids)
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Synopsis:
You're dying, all because of the love that Seo Changbin has for someone else.
Genre: hanahaki au! Lots of angst, little fluff, Chan is a good wingman. Happy ending! 
----
There was a lot of coughing, at first.
You weren't exactly sure why your throat scratched so badly that it burned like it was on fire, only downed a few cough drops with the hope that it'd go away after a few days. You told yourself that maybe if you waited it out long enough, it would go away by itself and you wouldn't spend nights lying in bed, practically curling in on yourself as you tried to keep the coughing to a minimum.
It didn't get better.
Of course, the first few times you'd cough into your sleeve, your close friend and classmate Changbin would ask you if you were sick -- with that disgruntled frown that only you could decipher as concern -- but you had merely shaken your head then before batting away his worries with a brush of your fingers.
It had escaped your notice, how your throat clamped up whenever he was close by, how you would suddenly erupt whenever he would play with your hair or brush some dust off your shoulder.
"Seriously Y/N, go see a doctor or something," he said one day after your Photograohy seminar where you had spent three quarters of it muffling your coughs. That had garnered you numerous dirty looks from your classmates, "maybe you're developing an allergy."
"It doesn't come all the time," you replied breathlessly while plastering a smile on your face.
He wasn't convinced.
And then, when you stumbled upon him in the cafeteria sitting across from a girl you'd seldom met before, that had been the last straw.
You had barely managed to make it to the toilet, hand cupped against your mouth and running like your life depended on it, stumbling into the nearest stall to empty the contents of your stomach.
Only, it wasn't.
You watched, horrified, as blood poured out of your mouth like a gushing waterfall filled with bits and pieces of broken branches, plant stems, petals. You couldn't tear your eyes away from it no matter how much you tried, chest heaving and breaths ragged as you gazed at the mess in the toilet bowl with the slow realization sinking into you.
Hanahaki.
You were dying. You were dying because plants were now growing into your heart, taking over your lungs and your body.
That was when you got a second realization:
That you were in love with Seo Changbin. And he was clearly in love with someone else. 
------
"Long time no see.” 
You jolted from your seat, head whipping up and partly expecting to see the said raven-haired man that you had been avoiding most week to be standing there with a scowl on his face. Instead, you were genuinely surprised to find one of his closest friends instead. 
Chan looked down at you with furrowed brows and from the way his eyes skimmed over your features, you guessed he was seeing the side effects of the hanahaki just as much as you were, “jesus, Y/N. Are you sick or something?” 
“Bad cold,” you faked a laugh, quickly scrambling to cover the book title currently spread open for him to see, but Chan hd quick reflexes, arm sneaking underneath yours to yank the said book out of your arms and ignoring your protests. 
He read the title once, twice. Flipped a few pages, frown growing so deep on his face that his eyebrows were practically kissing at the centre, and you were about to make a joke out of it -- to make light of the situation -- when his eyes snapped back up to you. And what you saw in them caused all jokes to die upon your tongue.
“What is this, Y/N?” 
You tried to ignore the shakiness in his alto, or the emotion blazing through his dark irises. Your chest hurt with that same familiar ache you had grown accustomed to over the days, causing you to look away as you murmured out your reply: 
"What it says it is.” 
It was useless to lie. Chan was sharp. There’d be no use lying to him.
He sucked in a breath and you quickly scrambled out, “don’t tell Changbin.” 
Brown orbs boring into yours for a few seconds too long, you forced yourself to return his gaze with a pleading look of your own, and it seemed like he figured it out for himself for he merely dropped his eyes before looking away. 
“It’s him, isn’t it?” he murmured, “It’s Changbin.” 
Your head bowed. Your silence said everything. His breath hitched, grasping your shoulder so that you turned to face the wetness of his eyes as tears brimmed at the corners, “stop it. You can stop it right? There’s got to be a cure for that now.” 
Oh, how it would be wonderful to believe there was even a cure. But the only solution was surgery and even that came with its risks. Plus, extracting the hanahaki from your heart meant to erase Changbin altogether from your life and as much as it killed you literally to be existing in this state every single day, you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving behind all the memories that you and Changbin had built together. 
Thankfully, Chan wasn’t forceful in his argument when you pleaded that you felt more comfortable dealing with this alone. He did, however, constantly check up on you on days where you looked especially gaunt, when the pouches under your eyes were so blue he feared that they would swallow up your whole face, or when he noticed how you left your lunch untouched, opting to sip silently on your soy milk instead. 
“Who is she?” You had asked once, your soprano barely above a raspy whisper, as your eyes trailed over Changbin’s figure leaning in towards what the girl was saying. 
“Her name’s Yoreum,” Chan had mumbled through mouthfuls of his meat sandwich, “apparently she’s a transfer student from Japan, and very interested in Changbin.” 
“Good for him, I guess,” you mumbled. 
A minute later, you excused yourself to the bathroom, palm halting the trickle of blood from your lips.
You weren’t exactly certain how this disease worked. Was it due to your inner feelings? Or did it depend on Changbin’s? Or both? The books you read had told you endless tales of varying consequences and different situations, which didn’t help the matter in the least. In fact, it left you even more in the dark, if that was possible. 
You knew that it would be impossible to avoid Seo Changbin forever for once he set his mind to something, it was a force not to be reckoned with. You had kept up a stream of excuses about being sickly and that it was exams season. But all your efforts were futile after a few weeks when you spotted the said man standing at the front of your apartment complex, tapping his feet to keep the coldness of spring at bay. 
You had half a mind to run away, drop everything and just make a dash for it. But Changbin spotted you before you could do anything and he closed the gap between you two in less than three strides, quickly encapsulating you in a hug. 
Your breath hitched. The itch was back, your throat tingling like crazy. You paused for a few seconds and allowed his scent to overwhelm you, before pushing him away to cough into your sleeve. 
“Damn Y/N. Chan was right. You really are sick.” 
"Wha--" you tried to force the itch down your throat, "are you doing--"
Your body jerked as you felt it give way to the pain that twisted your torso in two and you turned away just in time to clamp a hane over your mouth as you coughed like there was no tomorrow.
Warm liquid splattered over your palm. The metallic stench of blood filled your nostrils.
"Y/N," Changbin made a move towards you, "are you--"
Holding up a hand, you felt him halt as another round of coughs ripped through your already-dry throat. You didn't realize that your legs gave out at some point until a pair of hands quickly grasped the back of your elbows, and though you wished to push him away, pain rippled through your body as you all but collapsed to the floor, blood and branches and petals splattering onto the ground.
You didn't have to look at his face to know that his body was tensed in shock, frozen as he took in the sight before him. Scrambling for words, they all died at the back of your throat when you glanced over at his clenched jaw, the slow reality that blooms through his dark pupils. 
Silence filled the air.
“What--” he choked up, “is this?” 
You opened your mouth to answer, closed it when you couldn’t find anything. Before you, Changbin’s fists curled, clenching at his sides as he surveyed the mess of blood and dried up flowers. 
"Tell me this is not what I think it is,” he whispered. 
Still, you said nothing.
“Tell me!” He bellowed. 
“Changbin, I--” another round of coughs made your body twist on itself as you struggled to answer him, maybe lie through your teeth even though it was too late, “I can explain--” 
“Explain what?! That you’re dying?!” he swivelled around with barely restrained anger and that made you flinch back, “you kept this from me?! Why?! Tell me Y/N--” 
But his shouts were drowned out by your endless coughing and heaving, leaning forward to choke out a few petals dripping with fresh blood onto the ground. Your mind was swirling with excuses, trying to come up with the stupidest reasons as to why your body was behaving this way and maybe telling him that it was all due to someone else who couldn’t love you back. But the more you tried to fight the urge to throw up, the more you kept on gagging on your own blood. 
Arms came around your middle to lift you up, Changbin’s scent surrounding your figure as he managed to haul you to your feet and half-carry you inside your flat. It wasn’t until your body was laid down on the couch that you managed to utter out a soft “thank you”, which sounded more like an apology than anything else.
Changbin grunted, momentarily going out of your peripheral and returning with a sac plastic, in case you had anything more to cough out, which warmed your heart despite the cold harsh truth lingering before your very eyes. A truth that you knew had to be verbalized, sooner or later.
“Who is it?” 
His question caught you off-guard. Glancing up, your throat constricted at the way he gazed back at you, eyes dark and glossy with emotion.
Dropping your head to the floor, you mumble out something incoherent. You wished he could drop it.
“Who is it?” he growled.
Your jaw clenched. There was no escaping him, nothing could salvage the situation. So you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, before finally looking up at the raven-haired man sitting opposite you. 
“It’s you.” 
His anger dissolved into shock. He stared you down, mouth parted, for a few seconds.
When he spoke next, his words were barely above a murmur, “what?” 
He was staring at you as if you had just grown out a second head. But as much as you felt like flinching away, you kept your eyes steady, even when they welled up with tears, even when they burned from the way you caught sight of his expression slowly crumbling as the realization sank into his bones.
“You’re joking,” he whispered mostly to himself as he shook his head, “no. It’s not--What? It can’t be me, unless--”
“I love you.” 
His eyes snapped back to you and your breath stilled in your throat. The buzzing silence in the air twisted, thick with tension and from the remnants of your words that echoed in the distance between your bodies.
“But--” Changbin opened his mouth, closed it. Opened it again. His frown deepened and his silence conveyed the inner conflict going on through his brain as you sat there with your world crumbling apart, wishing that he didn’t leave you for the last few days of your existence. 
You’d be gone all too soon. And then, and then life would go on. Changbin would go on. After all, he deserved to be loved by someone whom his heart desired. 
“I love you,” you repeated, the words breaking against your parted lips and tearing at your heart with every shaky inhale. You squeezed your eyes shut before burying your face into one of the couch pillows in hopes that this moment would just disappear, in hopes that this was all a well-constructed nightmare.
It felt like an eternity before you heard the rough alto of Changbin’s voice. It was choked, like he was having a hard time keeping himself together and though you wished to do something to ease his pain, you also knew that if you took a look at him, you’d crumble in seconds. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
The sentence echoed through your ears, pain tugging at your heartstrings with every second that passed.
Without looking at him, you answered in a whisper, “because it’s not your fault.” 
"Not my fault?” His voice rose in anger, “not my fault? How is this not my fault? You love me, you’re dying because you love me. How--Fuck Y/N! How the fuck am I supposed to live with that?! I--” 
“Please,” your broken soprano flies out between you like a needle that hits him straight in the heart, “please. Not now.” 
If there was any reason why you hadn’t wanted to tell the said man straight up about the hanahaki was exactly for that reason; you loathed the idea of having Changbin beat himself up for the feelings that tormented your heart. It wasn’t his fault, but knowing the kind of person that he was, you were certain he’d feel guilty about not returning your feelings. 
But that wasn’t what you wanted. Not just some half-hearted love. Not a love that got drawn out from pity. You didn’t want him to love you, if that meant that he lost himself in the process. 
All you wanted, prayed for, was his happiness.
And that wasn’t you, as harsh as that was of a pill to swallow.
------
You woke up the next day to find Changbin still on the couch, sleeping where you had left him last evening to hide in your bedroom. When you’d gently lulled him out of sleep, he’d proceeded to make some breakfast while chatting about the most random things and quite frankly, ignoring the elephant in the room. It came to the point where you had snapped and asked what were his true intentions. To which he answered, as though it was the simplest solution: 
“I’m spending some time with my best friend,” he’d glanced over at you from his breakfast plate filled with eggs and sausages, “isn’t that obvious?” 
“But--” 
“Y/N, you’re not the only one who cares about this relationship,” Changbin looked away, before looking back with tears glimmering at the corners of his eyes, “if I can’t change my heart, then I’ll change the way I spend my time.”
You tried again, “I don’t want your pity--”
“Unless you want me to feel guilty for the rest of my life.” 
“You’re..." you watched him, unsure of what exactly was going on inside that head of his. Sometimes, his logic didn’t add up.This was one of those times, “now you’re making me feel guilty.” 
“Do you not want me around?” 
It seemed that your condition might have shaken him up more than you initially thought. His presence had always been a constant and yet up until now, he’d been busier, schedules more packed with activities and socializing with his other course mates whenever he had blocks of free time. He’d lock himself in his studio alone whenever inspiration struck and though you had always respected his personal space, there was no denying that some part of you missed him deeply. But it wasn’t like you could tell him that, knowing that it would merely be selfish of you to do so.
“That’s not what I--”
“Thought so,” and he got up from the table, signalling that the conversation was a case closed and dusted before directing himself towards the sink. You’d only dipped your head back towards your plate, trying hard not to let the heat colour your cheeks the way it always did whenever you found your best friend attractive. It had been getting harder and harder to stop yourself from reacting, and now that your feelings were out in the open, you hoped that Changbin would play along and ignore them altogether. 
Now though, now was different. Changbin actively sought you out; in the library he’d bring you cappuccinos with almond milk and an extra coffee shot just as you liked before sitting down to ‘study’ opposite you, he’d call you up at the most random times to chill at your flat even if that meant basking in hours of comfortable silence while you worked side by side. He’d even drag you to the studio with him, adamant on making you listen through his countless tracks with excuses that he needed a second opinion.
"I have questionable taste. You of all people should know that,” you would argue whenever he’d fight to place the headphones over your ears. You let him though, enjoying the warmth of his figure whenever he leaned over yours to fiddle with the headset. 
“Exactly why I want you to listen,” Changbin’s voice was muffled and yet, the way his breaths brushed against your ear caused your stomach to tingle. 
You wished to believe that his attention was intentional, that it came to him as naturally as breathing. But you knew it wasn’t. Because as soon as he’d walk away from you, you had to rush to the nearest bathroom to cough up more and more flower stems ceremoniously. 
And it was okay, really. It was bearable. You were happy enough to have him for a little while, even though you knew it would last up until the day you closed your eyes for the last time.
Once, he’d invited you over to make sushi -- he’d claimed beforehand that he was a good sushi roller and that this was just an excuse to flaunt his skills -- and he’d dragged you out to the supermarket with him, threatening that you wouldn’t be getting any of the salmon if you didn’t. So you’d reluctantly followed, complaining along the way as you trailed after him like a five-year-old child. 
It was when you were in the middle of looking at the salmon that you were suddenly overtaken with that familiar burn in your throat. Doubling over and trying to breathe as evenly as possible, you turned away from the food display just in time to cough up blood in your palm.
Changbin was at your side in an instant, hands circling your middle while murmuring his concern in your ears while you tried forcing down the pain slowly brimming over your mouth. At this point, you hadn’t realized that your best friend had slid you into his arm while he’d yelled at everyone to get the fuck out of the way, not until you were met with the outside air and was suddenly slammed by a round of coughing that just wouldn’t stop. 
You felt Changbin’s hands against your back, stroking soft circles as you coughed and coughed and coughed. Blood splattered over your clothes, on the ground, dribbled down your chin in a stream filled with flower petals and stems that grated against your lips. 
The more you coughed, the more flowers appeared. You noticed tulips, roses, daisies as well now. Those were new, you thought bitterly as you heaved.
You weren’t sure how much time had passed since, nor how you found yourself pressed against Changbin’s chest with your head tucked under his chin. He held you softly, tenderly, and you didn’t have the self-restraint to stop the silent tears from dribbling down your chin.
You loved him. 
You didn’t want to die.
“That’s a pretty big bouquet you just made,” came his soft murmur in the shell of your ear, causing a faint smile to twitch at your lips. Indeed, the array of flowers littering the ground would’ve been nothing less of beautiful, if not for the large amount of blood that you had just lost. 
“Changbin,” you breathed out weakly.
“Hm?” 
"I’m...” your head lolled against his neck when you tried to look up at him but failed, “I’m sorry.” 
His body stilled. Then, he said, “what for?” 
“For taking away your time,” your voice was thick with emotion.
“You’re not. I spend my time however I want,” his hold tightened, “if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.” 
Still. You felt bad. You opened your mouth to apologize once more, only for him to beat you to it by pressing a finger to your lips.
"Don't," he said, "apologize."
Fire had seeped from his finger to litter across your cheeks and you were glad that your face was hidden from view, for you were bound to be the colour of a fire engine, no doubt about that.
Later, when your heart had calmed and your throat had been soothed with hot chocolate, he'd pulled you out into the rooftop and proceeded to sit you down onto his jacket so that you could gaze out at the cityscape.
"Beautiful," you murmured and took a sip of your drink, allowing the warmth to spread through your limbs. Spring weather was ambiguous that way; sometimes cold, sometimes bearable.
"Y/N."
"Hm?"
Changbin took a sip of his beer, "is there anything you'd like to do?"
"What do you mea--"
It dawned on you then. Oh.
"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."
He angled his head towards you, "will you tell me?"
A smile graced your features, though you hoped he didn't notice how it didn't reach your eyes, "sure."
All you wanted though, all your yearned for, was for him.
Not that you'd ever tell him that.
A little later during that same week, you had taken the chance to ask him about the girl he loved. He'd brought you over to the Han River to show you how to skateboard and as you sat in the grass admiring the sun setting over the horizon, you decided to buckle up the courage and blurt out what was haunting your mind for days on end.
"What's her name?"
"Huh?" Changbin had looked at you like you'd really gone crazy then, before you prompted him with, "the girl you like. What's her name?"
He tried not to squirm in embarrassment, and failed as he averted his eyes, "i don't like her," you heard him mumble under his breath, "I just think she's cute."
"Yeah yeah. What's her name?"
"Why should I tell you?" He threw you a scowl, "so that you can make fun of me?"
"It's one of the things on my list."
"What list?"
"List of things I want to do," you propped your chin into your hands and grinned teasingly, "and that's asking you about the girl you like."
He let out an annoyed sigh, "Yoreum."
"Wah, pretty name. What's she like?"
"I don't want to talk about her."
"Why not?" You pouted, "I'll cheer you on even in spirit."
"Don't," he snapped back so suddenly, "talk like that."
Blinking at his sudden change in demeanour, you decided it was wiser to drop the subject altogether, lest it agitated him more. Changbin was known for his moody temperament but he'd been quite generous with you these past few weeks. Maybe because he knew that there was going to be an end. The thought caused another ache to reverberate through your chest and you looked away, not knowing on which foot to dance on for the rest of the night.
As you were walking back home, you felt his eyes constantly glance at the way you kept on blowing air into your hands,  "you cold?"
"Huh? Oh no, I--"
Too late, for his hand reached out to engulf yours, bringing it over to stuff it in his jacket. You stared at him for a full minute as your heart skipped a beat. What...was that?
It was cold. That's why. He was just trying to be a gentleman, your brain kept on reasoning with you. 
Your heart though, was saying otherwise. Maybe he likes you! Maybe he’s realized that--
You coughed. Once, twice. And then, you were falling to your knees as petals fell onto your shirt and dropped stained your clothes, your lap. Everything. Metallic rust engulfed your nose and you gratefully accepted the tissue that your best friend offered you. 
“You good?” his breath brushed against your cheek, concerned orbs ablaze. 
You wished you could get over him. You wished you could steer your heart away.
You nodded weakly, wiping away the remnants of blood and wishing that you could die right then and there from the embarrassment of being so openly weak and disgusting when he was around. 
But he merely grabbed the tissue from your hold and proceeded to wipe away at the corner of your lips. Your heart tugged in your chest, relishing in his gentle touches as you allowed yourself to bask in his attention. Even for a little while.
There was no way you could forget Seo Changbin. Even if you tried.
-----
"How are you really?” 
You rolled your eyes, a smile dancing across your lips as you exited the library with Chan in tow, “you’re such a worry-wuss.” 
“Hey, I’m asking out of concern,” Chan chides in that fatherly manner of his that always made you feel safe somehow, “I never see you around anymore because Changbin steals you away.” 
“Aw, don’t be jealous,” you reached out to ruffle his hair before he had the chance to duck away, “you’re still my secret favourite. But don’t tell Changbin that. Otherwise he’ll just sulk for days.” 
“You make it sound so tempting,” Chan wriggles his brows in a teasing manner while you strode towards the parking lot. It was a late Friday evening and you had planned to meet up at the nearest Burger joint with Changbin and some of the other boys whom you hadn’t seen in a while and it was no surprise that you had decided to take advantage of Chan a your driver for the night. 
“Who else is coming with us?” 
“Changbin said he’d come but you know how he is,” Chan re-adjusted his backpack over his shoulder, “maybe we should call him if he doesn’t show up by the time we get to the car.” 
Evidently, there was no sign of the said raven-haired man as you walked up to Chan’s red Mazda. That prompted you to call him, only to turn and spot his figure by the main flight of stairs with the girl you now knew as Yoreum.
You waited for that ache. For that burning sensation like alcohol was slipping down your throat, hands clenching around your phone. 
The pain was there, you could feel it under your tongue.
But you didn’t cough. Nothing pushed at the back of your trachea.
You blinked, perplexed for a moment. Maybe this wasn’t Yoreum after all? 
Or maybe Changbin was forcing himself to suppress his feelings. For your sake? 
That wouldn’t make sense. Changbin had said so himself. He wasn’t the kind of person to be forcing himself into situations. That’s what you loved the most about him, after all.
You tried not to ponder over it too much during dinner, hand unconsciously going to your chest and feeling your heart slowly beating under your clothed chest. Weird, you couldn’t help thinking. Why?
Maybe you were dying. Maybe you were going to die.
Or maybe...just maybe, you were slowly moving on.
Impossible.
"So are you dating her or not?” 
It was one of your friends-- Felix-- who brought you back to reality, blinking before realizing that the question was aimed at none other than the man whom had preoccupied your thoughts over the last hour.
Changbin leaned over, placing his elbows on the table as he sipped his beer, “we’re not dating.” 
“I thought you liked her,” Minho pointed out.
“Can we not talk about this now?” you would’ve missed the way Changbin’s dark orbs flickered over to you if you hadn’t been paying attention. But you did, and that hurt a little bit more than you liked to admit. You loved him, but that didn’t mean that you wanted to know nothing of his personal life either. 
Nevertheless, you decided that keeping your mouth shut would not hurt either, knowing that it might trigger some more coughing on your part. Nobody knew after all, that you were slowly being eaten away by plants growing in-between your lungs.
More oftentimes than not, Chan would urge you to go see a doctor, “just to see what the condition’s like,” he’d press you constantly, “you never know. Maybe it's getting better. Maybe you're getting better."
"There's only one explanation for that, Chan. And that would be that Changbin doesn't love Yoreum anymore," you smiled faintly, "and we both know that's not true."
Still, you couldn't help hoping that your condition was a sign that maybe you still had a chance at life. Part of you was curious as to whether there had been a change in Changbin's heart -- maybe even in yours -- but there was no denying the fact that it would be misplaced, especially in the context.
As you found yourself spending more and more time in Changbin's presence, you couldn't help but wonder whether he was pushing Yoreum aside just to accomodate you, and that thought was enough to make you feel guilty.
"Why don't you invite her?" You asked aloud once, when Changbin dragged you along for some bubble tea in the late hours of the evening. 
He’d stared at you silently for a solid minute. 
"Why would I do that?"
His question threw you off. You shot him a look as the said shop came into view, "isn't it obvious?"
"No."
You stopped in mid-walk, scowled at him, "I don't want you compromising your time."
"I'm not."
"But don't you want to spend time with her?"
At this point, his expression had morphed from confusion to infuriation and if you didn't know better, you'd say he was getting agitated.
He looked away, "I want to spend time with you."
Your heart stuttered, breath suddenly catching in your throat at his blunt statement. You hadn't expected him to be so forward about it, albeit the fact that he was merely speaking in terms of friendship. So you decided to drop the subject for now and kept on pondering it over in your head as you laid to rest that night. Knowing him, those set of words probably didn’t mean much. To you though? It meant everything.
You tried not to let your heart get ahead of yourself.
When it got warm enough, it was Changbin’s idea to drive you up to the coast when you had mentioned that you enjoyed listening to the sound of the ocean waves after a long, hard week. Especially after a long, hard week. It was no surprise that you were touched at his gesture, yet finding it bittersweet how he wasn’t exactly yours to lose even when he was right here, by your side. 
There was something nostalgic about knowing that your days were counted, and while you had been feeling a little bit better these past few days, your questions had been answered by the internet; that this was just the calm before the storm. 
In other words, there was more chance of you dying than living through that rare disease. 
“Say Changbin,” you spoke aloud when you descended from the car, a pack of beer tucked under your arm and a bag of snacks in his while making your way towards the golden beach glimmering in the afternoon sun. 
“Hm?” you felt his dark orbs on your face. 
You kept looking forward, feeling the sand slip through toes in bliss, “thank you,” you murmured, “for doing this.” 
He was quiet for a few seconds. Then, replied, “don’t thank me. You make yourself sound like a charity case.” 
Isn’t that what I am? You couldn’t help but think to yourself with bitterness. Settling over a comfortable spot and curling your knees up to your chest, you gratefully accepted the cold beer that Changbin handed to you -- after he’d cracked it open like the gentleman that he was -- and let out a soft breath, eyes finding solace in the waves lapping up the shore.
“How’s your coughing?” he broke the comfortable silence.
“It’s actually not bad,” you started tracing circles with the tip of your index finger in the sand, the roughness of particles slightly stinging your skin, “I haven’t had a bad spell since that supermarket incident.” 
He hummed in response, took a sip of his beer, but didn’t say anything in response. The comfortable silence washed over you and you allowed yourself to get lost in the feeling of the sun prickling at your skin, at the scent of salt in the air with every wave that brushed forward with the current. 
This was the place to be. For a quiet, waking moment, you could imagine that your life was endless. That you’d live till the very end, die old and wrinkly and with a full stomach. 
Your fingers unconsciously clenched around your beer bottle. If only.
If only.
“I know why,” Changbin suddenly blurted out.
Your head swivelled towards him, eyebrow raised, “huh?” 
“I know why,” he hesitated, “why you’re not coughing as much anymore.” 
Something stirred in your chest as you stared him down, cogs already turning in your brain. What was he getting at? 
“I--” was it your imagination or were his cheeks redder than they had been a few minutes ago? You kept on staring him down as he struggled to find the right words, stumbled over them with the clumsiness of a five year old, “I--I realized something. Ever since.” 
“Ever since?” 
“Ever since you told me you loved me.” 
If he was blushing, then you had flushed the colour of a fire engine. God, why did he have to put it so bluntly? 
“What--”You swallowed thickly while turning away to gulp down some beer, if not to cool yourself down, “what did you realize?” 
And that was when you felt the warmth of his fingers ghost over your chin. He cupped it in his hold, turning your face over so that you had no choice but to clash eyes as he slowly traced over your features with a gaze that seemed to speak volumes. That only caused your confusion to grow by tenfold. 
“What?” You spluttered out, not really used to the closeness of his mouth that was hovering dangerously close. You hadn’t realized that his other hand had trailed down to your side until you felt him pull you a little closer, making your breath hitch slightly.
“Cha--Changbin? What--What are you doing?” You all but squeaked out. This was unknown territory. This was Changbin, and he...
He loved someone else.
So why was he cradling you in his hold as though you were the finest piece of silk that he feared would tear apart with the slightest brusque gesture?
And why, oh why was his orbs swimming with that unidentifiable emotion that made your stomach churn and butterflies to erupt through your middle and tickle at your abdomen? Why was he looking at you like that? Why? 
Your questions were soon interrupted by the sensation of his mouth on yours. 
It was warm, and soft, and tentative, and no sooner did you blink that it was over, leaving you to gape at him like a stupid fish out of the water. Changbin, meanwhile, kept on gazing at you, as if gauging your reaction.
The only thing that managed to make it out of your lips was, “What?”
He allowed his lips to respond in his stead. He kissed your next breath away. And the next. And the next. Until your heart almost leaped out of your chest, until your body felt like it was tingling with electricity all over and until you couldn’t help but kiss back slightly, jumping as he let out a soft noise of approval.
When you pulled apart for air, his dark pupils kept on darting back and forth between your eyes and your open mouth and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think that he was resisting the urge to kiss you once more. 
“Changbin?” you whispered, “please tell me...” tears started brimming through your eyes, “please tell me this isn’t...just because--”
“No,” he looked horrified, “no, no Y/N. Of course not--”
“Then why are you doing this?” you were slowly pulling out of his grasp, reality crashing through you like waves, “why are you giving me hope when--when you love someone else--” 
“But that’s it, Y/N,” Changbin’s hands scrambled to find yours, “I don’t love anyone else. I--I thought I did. Maybe I did, because you wouldn’t have coughed so much if not. But then--Things changed, I don’t know. When you told me you were dying, it--it scared me. It scared me so fucking much, Y/N,” emotion clogged up his throat, eyes turning just as wet as yours. It wasn’t every day that you got to see Changbin without his walls up, “I didn’t--I don’t want to lose you. I tricked myself into believing I was into someone else. But when that--that happened, I--” he shook his head, eyes squeezing shut as though forcing himself to forget the pain etched into memory, “I realized I was just trying to run away from what I really wanted, all along.” 
He brought your hands up slowly to his lips before he pressed a soft, chaste kiss upon your knuckles, “I’m sorry,” he croaked out, “I never wanted to hurt you. Seeing you, so much blood. There was so much blood every time you--” 
He couldn’t help but burst into soft, broken sobs and your heart broke to watch him struggle to catch a hold of himself. Arms winding around him to pull him into your embrace, your hands went to stroke the back fo his head as the man in your arms cried like you’d never seen him cry before. It was a scene that literally tore your heart out and wrenched it sideways; to see Changbin in so much pain that he’d had to hold in whenever he was by your side and seeing you hurt. It pained you, it hurt you. So much so that tears silently cascaded down your cheeks, pressing yourself a little closer to him for comfort.
He calmed down after a while, slowly relaxing into your hold so that you were the one holding him close to your chest as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck. The day was long gone, replaced by the evening hues of deep blue mixing in with vivid purple where the sun met the darkening sky, and though there was a slight chill in the air, Changbin’s strong arms looped around your waist did the trick to keep you warm.
“Don’t leave.” 
He called out your name and you hummed in response, awaiting for his next set of words while playing with his hair. The reality of the situation had slowly sunk onto your shoulders when you’d held him in your arms; that he loved you, loved you enough that you had stopped coughing altogether. 
His voice was laced with so much raw pain that your throat clogged up with emotion. 
“I won’t,” you murmured back, knowing that deep in your heart, you’d try your best to keep pushing forward, to keep loving him.
“Promise me,” he nuzzled his nose into your neck, the action causing your heart to flutter. Then, lifting himself up so that he was hovering above you once more, you couldn’t help but admire the way the moonlight bathed the planes of his face. He looked softer, more ethereal in that light.
Your fingers went up, cradling his cheek in your palm, “I promise.” 
And then he kissed you some more; a silent promise, a reassurance, a way to prove to you that he loved you just as much as you loved him, a way to show you that his heart only beat when you were around.
His heart would beat for you, just like yours did.
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meggannn · 3 years
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shepard/garrus?
oh boy, sorry for the late response! I always end up posting these things and then going to read/take a nap/play a game or something. anyway writing this up took two hours, i hope it is even slightly interesting to read. cut because this is looooooong
What made you ship it?
I think I was interested in this ship before I even played ME. I was just like “I know Shepard is a character and an alien named Garrus is a character, and people draw porn of them together.” because I think it’s reasonable to say it’s one of, if not the most, popular ship in the fandom, or at least in ME’s tumblr fandom? and the way people talked about it, I knew their tropes were #banter, #battle couple, #partnerships, and... and as we’ve learned from royai, I am a bit weak to those tropes (assuming I like both of the characters). the way people talked about them also from a “best friends” angle—which is sort of forced in-game in a way that seems strange to me now—was also a plus in its favor at the time. (if they get together, I do see their friendship/companionship, in whatever form, in some ways integral to their romance—unless you’re playing full far-right renegade who’s like a xenophobe and hate-fucking Garrus, I guess?—but Bioware also kind of shoehorned Garrus into that best-friend role and that’s a topic for another day.)
What are your favorite things about the ship?
(my friend will hit me if I say “partnerships” again) I’m gonna talk about the way I play my Shepard now, because so much is dependent on the unique Shepard. for Lydia’s journey over the series, I see a large part of her journey as basically a study of her (often self-inflicted) loneliness. and she never entirely breaks her habits of self-isolation, but the events of the series force her to be vulnerable in a way she would prefer not to be in front of a crew, or, y’know, ever. Garrus becomes an integral part of that story to help her break her out of these bad habits (all of the crew does, particularly also Ashley for my Shep), but to my eyes, the story of “Shepard and Garrus’s relationship” is also one of mutual respect, burden-sharing, and sanity and morality checks.
I don’t think of their “mentor” relationship in ME1 very often mostly because I don’t think it was done particularly well, but for all its faults, I do like how naturally the jump from “subordinate” in ME1 to “ally” in ME2 felt; once you meet Garrus on Omega you feel more on the same footing as two friends greeting each other because you’ve both recently been through trauma and the sight of a friendly face in a station full of hostiles is so unexpectedly welcome that it lets them both hope things will be okay for a minute. starting from that moment, Garrus becomes one of the few people who can see “under” her mask, I guess: partly because he’s one of the few combatants from the SR-1 who knows Shepard well and sees who she is both on the field and onboard the SR-2, with the ability to compare both to the times of “before you died”; partly because he has trauma response training and recognizes it in others even if he doesn’t in himself; partly because his loyal personality makes him sensitive to wonder how she’s dealing with being resurrected; and also partly because they’ve both gone through similar things. namely, getting your squad killed and blaming yourself for it, and it possibly being your fault (BioWare is inconsistent on what Shepard’s role was on Akuze, but in ME1 she has the chance to reply that she was responsible for getting them out safely, and failed).
necessity forces Shepard to adapt to things like being effectively forced to work for terrorists; being isolated from her support system; being resurrected and feeling like a stranger in her own body; later, getting decommissioned for making an incredibly difficult call to save the galaxy; watching your homeworld burn; being forced into a political role negotiating high stakes you don’t know how to play; being told you’re the spearhead of a galactic war; doing all of this without a full crew complement; the list goes on. those are all, on their own, incredibly isolating, traumatic experiences, and my Shepard’s not emotionally sane at the best of times. (emotionally stable, perhaps, only in the most literal of terms, at least on the surface. she’s like a rock when shit hits the fan. emotionally sane, no, for that reason and more.)
the tables have turned, and Garrus ends up becoming a large part of helping her regain agency in most if not all of those things: in ME2 he was a former crew member she trusted, and he was eager to work for her and be distracted from his failures on Omega. over in the battery, he is himself recovering from a major injury (like Shepard) and going through the aftermath of a bloodbath he feels responsible for (like Shepard), working on a crew that holds him at arm’s length, that he also... arguably... didn’t have much choice in joining (like Shepard—I’m assuming he wasn’t held hostage and joined voluntarily after waking up, but lbr this is unconfirmed). their reasons are different and varied, but they don’t realize until much later that they have found each other at the most opportune time, providing a sense of stability for each other, and also, frankly, sanity and morality checks.
in ME3, he steps into this role more fully because he’s become more disciplined, is doing work firmly in his wheelhouse, and paired up against Shepard struggling with their positions somewhat reversed from ME1: him more confident and her now completely out of her element, floundering with her place on a galactic scale. without Garrus—and Chakwas, and Joker, and Tali, and later the loyalty of the entire SR-2—the story of ME would be a tragedy, and it would end shortly in ME2; it’d be the story of how my Shepard slowly went insane being forced to fight boogeymen under a terrorist banner. Garrus isn’t, like, the keeper of her sanity, but their ability to check each other, and see themselves in the eyes of each other, provides stability and occasionally a bit of a wake-up call to both of them. when they’re both vulnerable, they both feel most seen, and most understood, by an alien that listens.
one angle of this ship that highly interests me at the moment, along with the above, is that while it’s not illegal for them to be together, it’s still... a really bad fucking idea lmao. (I could make the argument that it’s a bad idea for Shepard to be in any relationship with their crew but I think there are a few ships—Garrus, Tali, any Alliance crew at all—that realistically would be huge political clusterfucks.) so overcoming personal insecurity and fear of the unknown to acknowledge interest in each other, and the desire to become an item, getting roadblocked by a reality wake-up call with the fact that 1) she’s his boss, 2) Garrus comes from a society where station matters, like, sort of a lot and it even determines your job and how much legal power you have, 3) the potential political blowback (which would be ENORMOUS because lbr the hierarchy may not care about what turians do in off-hours but they WOULD care about the superior/subordinate thing, the human thing, the fact that they’re doing this while a war is going on. basically one of their best agents is on the Normandy to negotiate their interests and they’re basically at the whims of their relationship the whole time)... it’s a lot! all of that sort of makes it tragic, but I’m curious to see how they’d overcome it.
anyway, all of that is where I’m coming from when I think or write about this ship, but there’s a lot more I’m not mentioning here. there are a lot of juxtapositions that in my head that I’ve either added or extrapolated from canon that also interest me about this pairing. Garrus is a former cop, as is his father; Lydia is a poor kid who used to be in a gang out of necessity. Garrus is a turian with often traditionalist thinking; Shepard is a human who has much less sociopolitical power than him, even if she is his superior on the Normandy. both of them are roughly as old as the First Contact War, when their people were at each other’s throats not thirty years ago. Garrus idolizes Spectrehood while Lydia hates it, feeling it was forced on her. they can’t eat the same food. and yet despite all of that, and the fact that they need translators to communicate, they manage to understand each other when a lot of the world around them doesn’t.
god this is not even the full list of it. anyway I could go on but I’ll stop there lol.
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
oh jesus, so much. I’m a grouchy and picky shipper, be warned.
pining can always make my ships more interesting, and imo it’s a consistent part of any ship of Shepard’s, considering it’s wildly inappropriate and unprofessional for her to be fucking any subordinate, so I think more consideration could be given to shakarian in the “we shouldn’t be having a thing and oh also you’re an alien and I’m kind of scared of both your government and your body” angle! I hope to explore that a bit with a fic I’m writing (if I ever finish it, god).
I hate the flavor of fandom!shakarian where Shepard romanced Kaidan in ME1 then felt “betrayed” when he’s confused and hurt on Horizon, so she gets with Garrus as like... revenge? idk. and then Garrus usually develops this bias against Kaidan as a sort of author mouthpiece (which is inconsistent with his characterization cause Garrus is nothing but pleased to have Kaidan back on the SR-2 in ME3!) and takes up the anti-Kaidan crusade cause K ~questioned the commander~ (since when does Garrus fall over himself defending a superior from criticism?) like, idk. I think Garrus can be sensitive to the fact that that reuniting must’ve been painful for Shepard, but also be aware that it was also really painful for Kaidan because all of Kaidan’s complicated feelings about Shepard’s resurrection were, realistically, things Garrus should’ve felt too! this trope is very popular but just feels like manufactured drama for drama’s sake, idk, I’m also not big on love triangles so. I would much rather people just rescue Ashley on Virmire and avoid the whole thing rather than have previously-romanced Kaidan around in ME3 for the sole purpose of forcing him to watch Shepard/Garrus being happy together tbh.
I think full goody-goody paragon Shepard is too preachy to make a good partner for Garrus and full shoot-anyone-in-my-way renegade Shepard encourages and emboldens his worst tendencies (and Castis Vakarian is right to disapprove of them). most people end up playing some combination of both, or if they do settle in one camp or the other, usually there is some sense of realism where Shepard doesn’t play nice/naive or play mean all the time, so it’s rare I see either of those kinds of extreme Shepards depicted, but in general if there is a Shepard that is so far in one direction it seems illogical to me that they ever stay together.
I think wanting a mShep romance for Garrus is a pretty welcome idea in fandom, but adding onto that, I think Garrus should’ve been romanceable in ME3 for players who changed their minds on other romances or want to play slow-burn romances! we had it for Kaidan—and should’ve had it for Ash—so (pounds fist on desk) Garrus too imo!
I hate the canon get-together because Shepard walking into the battery and asking “do you want to fuck” feels very tailored to the players who want to romance Garrus, not to who Commander Shepard is, imo. it lacked all of the subtlety and depth of some other romances—until the scene of Garrus coming to her cabin with a wine bottle, at least, cause I do like that scene, but anyway, I dislike the actual get-together.
just in general, I’m a stick in the mud, so my favorite iteration of this ship is where Shepard is resolutely professional, and the challenge of it becomes him getting her to open up, not the other way around. like, I think on some level every iteration of Shepard is a bit of a lunatic/eccentric, because you have to be to do the things they do, but I like to see their flirting with less of her calling him “big guy” (not sure where that came from, is that in canon? I must’ve missed it, but personally I don’t like it) and more of Garrus making wisecracks in the canteen while he’s talking to Joker, but he’s looking at her out of the corner of his eyes and he really said his joke with the aim of making her laugh, and as she’s reading her datapad she hears him, and even when she wants to chuckle she stops himself and just smirks cause she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a laugh, but he sees her lips twitch and feels his heart flutter. that. I want more of that.
oh lastly, I hate “Shepard takes Vakarian clan markings” in any iteration. there is no canon relation to turians being poc—in fact I’d argue they have sociopolitical privilege real-world bipoc do not—but the concept of social face markings, face tattoos, etc., is rooted in non-white cultures and with the fact that 1) turians had a literal civil war over the territories those markings represent, 2) we don’t even know if marriage is how markings are shared or if non-turians are ever invited to wear them in the first place, 3) most of the art of this trend, lbr, is of mostly white Shepards in wedding dresses and blue face paint... all that combined just makes me frown and scroll faster every time I see it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bipoc Shepard with Vakarian face markings in fic/art, and that to me is very telling (not because they should have them, but because bipoc fans who make bipoc Shepards usually recognize when a racially-coded trope is uhhhhh not so great to appropriate for someone not of that group).
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uwuwriting · 4 years
Text
Todoroki Shouto soulmate au ”a strand of their soulmates’ hair"
Request: 🌼 With Todoroki please - anonymous SPECIAL EVENT ASKS.
I have so many requests to choose form but I’ve decided to start with my best baby boi Shoto. I hope you like it and be ready for like two months? of soulmates lol. Love yaa.💖💖💖
warnings: fluff
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Soulmates. Since the beginning of time, soulmates existed, connecting two individuals with a bond so strong that nothing could fracture. No matter who you were or from where you were, your soulmate was the one person who would fulfill every need and meet all your expectations to the fullest. Even though the universe gave the world the privilege of providing them with their other half, the process of finding the one and only wasn’t easy. Soulmate bridges vary from marks, first words etched on your skin, communicating with one another through writing on your body, to feeling each others pain whether it be physical or emotional or hear a faint tune in your head which gets louder as you tread nearer to your mate. The most common of characteristics must be the red string, leading you to your soulmate no matter how far they are and being able to feel the tug from their end when they need to feel your presences. 
Y/N L/N always wished that she had a red string to lead her to her mate. A string to signify that out there, there was someone who waited for her with open arms ready to accept her for who she was and love her till the end. Someone who would pull her out of this whole she grew up in, away from the abuse and the pain. Some times she wished that her soulmate could feel her pain and they knew what she was going through, but she never felt something herself. If she was lucky maybe she would catch a glimpse of them in her dreams, seeing her in a tranquil state while she roamed the lands of her imagination. She wished for a sign that she did indeed have a soulmate. Y/N was not a lucky person. 
As she reached the age of ten she expected something to change. After all, the stories of soulmate marks appearing or the sudden pain of your soulmate all said that by the age of ten the signs should be there. Only those who’s soulmates have passed or don’t have one, are bare. As one classmate after the other, started to share stories about their characteristics, Y/N was back in first grade, when she was the only one who had yet to get a quirk. She was a late bloomer to be honest having to reach the late age of eight to activate her quirk. She deemed herself of the lucky few who developed a quirk this late. Buy Y/N was not a lucky person. 
She had accepted the fact that she had no one waiting for her by the age of twelve. No signs means no soulmate. No other half. No destined partner. She would have to find true love on her own, battle for it in a world full with soulmates, and she was ready to accept the challenge. She was determined to make up for the love she didn’t get from her home with someone new even if they weren’t her soulmate. She had accepted her fate. After all, Y/N was not a lucky person.
So when she woke up one morning with a strand of red and white in her h/c hair she was beyond surprised. At the age of fourteen, Y/N L/N had finally gotten her soulmate mark. A hair mark was deemed one of the most hard to decipher marks since many people shared the same hair color. Those with this characteristic were more often than not labelled as unluckily to find the correct person. But Y/N’s strand wasn’t simple. The red and white colored hairs intertwined with one another perfectly and made a stark contrast to her natural  color. She could admire the colors all day, satisfied just by the fact that it was there, that she wasn’t truly alone after all. But, Y/N was not a lucky person. 
“Y/N!! You’re going to be late and I’m not driving you!!!” 
That snapped her out of her trance and she quickly got dressed, tugging her soulmate’s hair behind her ear trying to hide it. In her household, soulmates were considered a waste of time and she knew that once she got her mark, they would do anything to keep her away from her other half. That’s why for days on end she hid it. Hid her mark and her excitement, hid her happiness and anticipation, going on with her schedule as nothing had changed. And it worked. 
Now she’s standing in class 1-A in her new high school, chatting with a girl that she met during her entrance exam. She was going to be a hero, a person who saves others, who helps them back on their feet and keeps them safe form prying hands. She was going to be a hero despite what her parents said. She was going to be a hero and she was going to be the best one out there. Arriving early to school was a habit she couldn’t shake. Ever since she was little, getting to school well before the rest of the class had been her goal. It gave her more time away from home and it let her see her classmates before class. This of course didn’t change in high school. 
The girl, Momo, was talking about her expectations for the school speaking her mind without hesitation. Y/N wouldn’t fully focus on her, her eyes sliding back and forth every time someone new stepped into the classroom. She had seen some interesting faces until he walked in. He was slightly taller than some of the other boys in the room but his aura made him seem bigger. The blank expression on his face never left even after many greetings from your new classmates. He took the seat next to yours without saying a word, his dual colored hair framing his face as he started taking his things out of his bag. And there, falling in front of one of his eyes, was a h/c strand. Unconsciously your hand flew to your own soul mark, twirling it between your fingers, eyes trained on the boy in front of you. Momo noticed this and her eyes darted from the boy to your hand and back again. She was connecting the dots and after a small pause she placed a hand on your shoulder.  
“Go say hi! He may not be friendly but I think he’ll talk to you. “ with a soft smile she gave you a light push and walked away.
Patting down your skirt and tugging the strand back in its place behind your ear, you made your way to him.
“Hi. I’m L/N Y/N.” you said extending your hand.
The boy looked up, his dual colored eyes locking with yours. He looked at you for a moment and then your hand, before grasping it and shaking.
“Todoroki Shoto, nice to meet you L/N.” his voice was cold, too cold, but there was an undeniable pull to him. And you weren’t the only one feeling it. Todoroki was vastly aware of the h/c strand that he dawned and one look at your hair made him believe, hope even, that they were the same shade. But he couldn’t see any sign of his own hair color on you, neither of his hair colors to be exact.  He was losing hope until he saw a vibrant red coming form behind your ear. 
Todoroki is blunt and his been told that he is many times during his school years. So when he got up and reached for the strand, you froze. His hand was cold as it made contact with your skin but nonetheless gentle. He was being careful and he knew it. It was the first day of high school after all, even this action was overly weird for the first day. And he didn’t want to seem weird right off the bat. His thoughts were running at 100 miles per hour until he saw the colors clearly. 
Red and white.  
He froze, eyes widening at the sight. You lifted your own hand to his face, gently grabbing the h/c strand in between your fingers. A smile so bright, cracked her face and she couldn’t contain the small giggle that bubbled out. Todoroki himself let out a surprised laugh, his eyes having a new spark in them. 
“I thought I’d never find you.” he whispered still staring at the strand as the colors started to be replaced with your own hair color as the bond between the both of you materialized. 
“Neither did I but here we are.” you smiled at him watching as his own hair turned back to normal. 
“Here we are indeed.” 
Y/N was not a luck person. She never was and she believes that she never will be. But at that moment she felt the luckiest person in the world. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TAG TEAM AY:
@brattyquirks​   @the-arcana-fan-fic​
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frangipansi · 4 years
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Hi! If your inbox is open, I'd like to request a scenario with all (or any) of the demon brothers, + undatables reacting to a blind MC? Like, none of them expected to have a blind human and Devildom and they have to revamp everything to make it as safe for MC as possible. Can be she/her or they/them pronouns for MC. Bonus points if MC is extremely talkative and won't shut up lmao. Thank you!
OKAY! So, finally got this one out. I’m sooo sorry for the wait, but I wanted to try and do this right, not just some Daredevil nonsense, but I didn’t want to make the mistake of a ‘helpless blind MC’ either; because they’re not helpless.
I am also lucky enough to have a regular customer at my work that happens to be blind and she has been very happy to give me a helping hand to make this ask more real. She’s such a delight and her guide dog is beautiful and I could ramble on with our interactions, like one time she scolded us for moving the fixtures because she had just memorized the layout of the store then told her guide “you’ll earn that pay check today!”
SO! With her in mind, more so from her younger days that she reminisced with me; I have decided to work this piece around this customer’s condition specifically so I’m not just pulling shit out my arse.
To give you an idea, this MC suffers from Retinitis pigmentosa; their symptoms being tunnel vision and night blindness. So while they are legally blind, they can somewhat see. They use a cane when going out, use their hands and/or cane when inside a place knew to them – that happens to be in poor light (Devildom) – until they have the layout in their mind and move more confidently.
~
This also took a while because I couldn’t get a fic/scenario to work cohesively and hc was just not working either! But I’ve hopefully gotten it now, and I do hope you like it. I’ve also placed this under the cut because I’ve waffled on here.
Diavolo:
Interested. Anyone within the Devildom without eyesight, are generally the souls of the damned who aren’t permitted to move freely. Heck, he’s removed some of their eyes himself.
He wants to know instantly if there is anything he needs to change and improve to make sure MC’s stay is not only comfortable but enjoyable.
Absolutely loves how open MC is. He’s amazed at the resilience of humans; delighted to hear MC say how capable they are, though he does insist on one of the brother’s remaining her escort for the duration of their stay. Capable or not, he is well aware of how demons would use MC’s lack of sight to their advantage.
Really wants to ask how amplified their other senses are; disappointed to know most things depicted in movies are – for the most part – an over exaggeration.
Organises a tablet for them with all RAD textbooks uploaded so they have that ability to zoom in so they are able to read the text at their own comfort. Other systems such as braille, text to talk etc are also implemented if that is something MC prefers to learn by.
Lucifer:
Considers Cerberus as a guide dog? Impossible, the human would be eaten alive. Perhaps another smaller hellhound? Goodness no, they’d still be eaten.
Asks MC about their condition –on behalf of Lord Diavolo of course – so he is aware of anything that may help their stay in the Devildom.
Very pleased to see how receptive MC is, very talkative and informative about her condition; he’s surprised to learn the varying levels of visual impairment. Consults Diavolo on brighter lighting to improve her movements around RAD and already planning on improvements within his own home.
During MC’s first few nights in Lamentation, Lucifer appears on edge; always keeping an eye when they’re moving about on their own. Enjoys watching how they learn to memorize layouts, quietly telling themselves how many steps it takes from one room to another, touching hallway objects.
Ready to run to their side that one time MC walked into the wall; turning into the kitchen a little too soon; until he hear them chuckle to themselves and ran their hand along the wall until they found the doorway and walked through it. No damage done. He’s learning to leave them be, understanding that he doesn’t need to dote on them.
Mammon:
MC is blind? Ooh yeah! The things that boy could swipe to make some quick Grimm, and right under their nose. It was gonna be too easy!! Completely stunned when they still catch him out. “How’d ya know it was me?!”
Watches them narrow their eyes as if trying to spot him before coming up beside him and close the drawer he was just rummaging through. The nerve this human has to threaten The Great Mammon by saying they’ll use their cane to whack him.
Surprised at MC’s explanation on how they knew it was him. They recognised his scent; not only did he have his favourite cologne – which he didn’t think he wore that much of – they noted how he had a metallic smell, like the kind you get when touching coin constantly.
Likes to watch MC move around their room; at first using their hand to remember the layout and then moving as if they saw as well as he did. Considered rearranging things to see what would happen.
Okay, so MC isn’t helpless… but, other demons don’t know that. Considers using MC as bait; distract idiots so he can rob them and sell their things for a little Grimm. “I, The Mammon, am a genius!” “No, Mammon.”
Levi:
Couldn’t even imagine being in their position; all that manga he couldn’t read, anime they couldn’t watch… never knowing what Ruri-Chan looks like!!! Gasp! No way. Poor MC!
Really confused when he sees them one day, curled up on a chair in the common room, wearing a pair of glasses and a book in hand. Wanders over and looks over their shoulder before questioning what was going on; nodding when they told him that with reading glasses and preferably larger font, they could indulge in many a storybook.
As their relationship blossoms, he has a dedicated reading nook in his room for the two of them, including a lamp to brighten the area to help improve what sight they have. Likes that they’re happy to listen to him read to them his TSL series. He thinks about writing to the publishers for the next editions to have larger fonts; that way he could buy MC a set of their own.
He likes to sit and watch them bring things close to their face to inspect them better; his figurines which they – to his relief – handle with great care, or his manga comics to see which characters he’s fawning over.
He secretly loves that MC likes to chill by his fish tank wall. Why? They state that while there’s too much distortion for them to actually make anything out, they enjoy the ambient colouring and light; the two eventually just listen to music together like that as a means to relax.
Satan:
Of course he is utterly curious about MC’s condition and is glad to see how open they are to talking about it. He’ll look things up himself in his own time but nothing like hearing it from someone’s own experience.
Asks if those romance and crime novels are accurate; “so, do you touch people’s faces so you know what they look like?” finds it interesting that for the most part, this doesn’t happen; but it makes sense, he wouldn’t be too thrilled by someone he barely knows putting their hands onto him.
Writes down notes that he considers most important from the board during lessons and offers them to MC should they need them for their studies.
Another one who likes watching MC learn their way around Lamentation, like how they touch cupboard handles until they find the one they need while grumbling about how crappy the lights are.
Shared appreciation for just lying on the ground whenever a cat is near them, all responsibility out the window as number one priority is giving adorable little hellcats their undivided attention. Loves that MC is willing to con Lucifer into believing a cat makes a wonderful guide animal.
Asmo:
Oh poor MC, unable to see just how beautiful he is… Oh, they can kinda see? If he gets real close? Oh he can definitely do that! Bummed that MC promptly puts in some boundaries but once their relationship develops they do enjoy the closeness with him.
Learns – albeit slowly – that his looks aren’t going to win MC over, and instead begins to better understand the value of personality and getting to know a person. Should MC like Asmo, it’s because of who he is and not for all the fluffing he does with his looks.
Whenever he happens to be the brother escorting MC, just know he’ll always detour to the main hub; treating the two of them to manicures and pedicures, facials, all that fun stuff.
When shopping, he loves how MC feels the fabric of things he grabs for them and has an even bigger appreciation for how things feel on him. Absolutely enjoys offering explanations whenever MC would ask about colour or cuts if they can’t make them out should the lighting be too poor for them.
Will starting looking around for ‘fashionable’ canes. Yes, he knows it’s about practicality and he’s not going to take that away from MC, but what’s wrong with wanting to match their cane with that gorgeous outfit he’s picked out from them?
Beel:
Having no experience with a visually impaired human, he’ll ask MC if he should carry them places; it’s no big deal, they looked pretty light after all. Apologises if they happen to get a bit defensive so keeps close while they walk together, worried they may walk into or trip over something.
He’ll be curious about whether or not other senses are heightened due to the loss of another and is lowkey disappointed that they wouldn’t be able to hear someone in the kitchen stealing his food when they’re somewhere else in the house.
He loves cooking with them; the tastes of what he creates seem to be more balanced and they’re more than happy to sneak him a few snacks while Lucifer is occupied elsewhere. They’ll fool around, tasting things to see who can pick up more notes.
Things turn into a game between the two of them; if he spots MC in a room he’ll sneak up and try and get to them before they realise he’s there. “Too heavy on your feet,” or “you were giggling,” is something he hears a lot when trying.
Though MC can’t really see while he’s training or playing a game, he really appreciates that there still there to cheer him on; he’s taken to wearing a bright headband in hopes that they’ll be able to spot him out a bit better. They don’t half the heart to tell him they still can’t find him.
Belphie:
In the beginning, he’ll use MC’s lack of sight to their advantage; sly and manipulative to lure them in. Watches how they react to his voice, how their eyes or head move in the direction he’s in, learning how they work their other senses.
Tensions between the two would be tight after that moment and he’ll feel tremendous guilt for what he did to them; keeps himself at a distance, afraid they’ll recoil if they sense he’s too close and understands if they would.
Amazed that they find it in them to forgive him and help mend bonds between him and his brothers, and will spend whatever time he’s able building up trust with MC; whether that’s being their escort around Devildom or just being there for company.
He loves – when trust is established – that MC is just happy to lay with him while he star gazes and talks about what he sees, trying to paint a picture for them while they huddle up together in a fluffy blanket, sharing his cow print pillow.
Simeon/Luke:
They’re angels; their job is to look over and protect humans. So they are already well aware of how capable MC would be – Simeon more so than Luke since he’s younger and more interested in Michael – but they will still offer their assistance should MC need it.
They’re also the sort to take notes down during class that MC may not be able to see on the board; but they’ll ask before assuming.
Simeon has taken to writing a little bigger if it’s something he’d like MC’s opinion on his work; the two forming a bond through fiction and history. The two can be found losing track of time and just talking about any given thing.
Luke enjoys cooking with MC; asking them what they think of the taste of something he creates and asks how he can make it better. He’d love to be able to wow Michael upon his return to the Celestial Realm and MC will always critique his work rather than sugarcoat like Simeon would or just outright scare him like demons would. With a little push from MC, he takes lessons from Barbatos.
Solomon:
Quite unphased; he’s dealt with various impairments before seeing as he is still human despite being a very powerful sorcerer. He doesn’t offer assistance but will give it should MC ask him for help.
He has many a spell in his books that could quite possibly cure or ease symptoms of various impairments and is very tempted to bring this information to MC; but decides on holding back until he can figure out how to approach the subject. He’ll ask them how they feel about their situation and go from there.
Would also offer heightening other senses should MC want them; even temporarily if they’re just a little curious. “Let’s see what’s so crash hot about being Daredevil!” “My thoughts exactly MC.”
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bandaged-writer · 4 years
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Hi! Can I request some falling in love headcanons for Dazai and Mori (seperately) with a fem reader? What would take for them to love someone? How will they react when they realise that they do? Thank you!
I hope you’ll enjoy it! <3
Warnings: mentions of suicide, because it’s Dazai
Dazai Osamu
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➤ Dazai said it himself that he likes all women, therefore he doesn’t exactly have a type when it comes to appearance. What’s more important to him are your intentions, the way you think, what makes you tick – everything that makes up the constellation of your mind.
➤ Someone who’s genuinely kind would probably draw his attention the most, similar to Oda and Atsushi who Dazai also feels drawn to. Kindness is easy to read and has no ulterior motive other than making people feel appreciated or to spread some positivity in such a negative world. It’s so interesting for him, because Dazai was probably raised by Mori for the majority of his life and was taught to always find some kind of profit or gain something from the person opposite of him. But you? You don‘t want anything but a simple thank you, although these words are of no use to anyone.
➤ Please, care about him and for him. Dazai has probably never received the care a normal child or teenager usually experiences and even as an adult, everyone is so used to Dazai being reckless that no one actually cares if he disappears, drowining in the river, etc. It’s easy to catch him off-guard when you scold him for another suicide attempt and tell him that he does mean something to you, ask if he’s recently changed his bandages or just bring him something from the Uzumaki coffee shop below the Agency. Dazai will definitely appreciate it, although he doesn’t understand why exactly you react so differently compared to everyone else.
➤ Talking of not understanding other people: You don’t have to understand his train of thought or his plans for missions, he doesn’t expect you to. But you have to put your entire trust in Dazai even if his strategy sounds like pure suicide.
➤ Realizes he’s falling for you when he stops asking you for a lovers‘ suicide. Yes, Dazai is still hung up on the idea of committing a pure, cheerful and energetic suicide that doesn’t bother anyone and preferably with a pretty lady by his side. But you’ve told him about your hopes, dreams, past and said all these factors with such pure trust that Dazai can’t find it in him to let you die. He’s responsible for a lot of crimes and tragedies, but he doesn’t think he could stand the responsibilty of having taken away everything you are. And so, his request stops. Towards any woman, for that matter. Why should he flirt with anyone when his heart was already drawn to someone else?
➤ Dazai doesn’t say anything about his feelings right away, though. He analyzes if you perhaps feel the same way about him by watching you a bit more intently, learning your body language and sees if your gaze towards him is any different, if your touch lingers longer than before, if you blush around him or whenever his name is dropped in a conversation.
➤ Possibility of falling into denial. He used to be a mafia executive, is a man with the blood of many on his hands and committed countless of crimes in the past. Not only that, but Odasaku did tell Dazai that there was nothing which could fill that lonely hole in his heart, so why should you be able to change that? Could you change it at all? Odasaku was an incredibly perceptive man who was the first person to understand Dazai, so why should Oda be wrong about his last words? Dazai denies himself of the possibilty of letting you into his life.
➤ Whines Kunikida’s ear off of wanting to date you, but giving ridiculous reasons why he can’t bring himself to do it. “If you complain about wanting to court [Name] one more time, I’ll sew that mouth of yours shut so you’ll never get to do it at all.“
➤ “Kunikida, I can still write it.“
➤ If he falls into denial, you need to confront him about it and do not let Dazai joke it off. You noticed that something about Dazai was off when he stopped his flirting attempts or quit shoving his reports to someone else and did them himself though slowly and with still some dramatic whining. When you don’t let him off the hook, Dazai will eventually spill the beans.
➤ “Spit it out, what’s wrong with you? I promise I won’t tell anyone.“
➤ “You, my belladonna, are giving me such an incredibly hard time by making me want to take you out on a lovely date, but what kind of mere man could dare to court a beauty of your caliber?!“
➤ Despite Dazai’s theatrical act, you know it’s his way of being somewhat vulnerable and confess your feelings as well. It’s at that moment when Dazai drops the dramatic facade and properly asks you out with a soft smile on his face, seeing the chance of the lonely hole in his heart slowly being filled.
Mori Ougai
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➤ Is definitely attracted to someone who has her own head, knows what she wants and carry through with her words. Mori has no interest in someone who he can use like a doll whenever he wants, but wants someone who can think and dares to talk back to him, make suggestions on how to run the mafia and bring good arguments on why certain things should be changed, why supplier xy could harm the mafia, etc.
➤ Mori quickly takes a liking to someone with rational thinking, but also questions it, searches for several solutions to a problem and choose the one with the least casualties and the most profit. It takes some self-reflection and courage to disregard your usual way of thinking and admit that maybe the solution you don’t like is the most optimal one. It shows that you’re capable of putting your own ego or even desires aside for the sake of something bigger.
➤ You have to be loyal to the bone. No questions asked.
➤ Grows a soft spot for you when you play with Elise and she actually gets along with you. Mori is an absolute sucker for Elise laughing and being happy, so whenever the girl laughs because of you while drawing or playing some game while he’s busy with paperwork, Mori admits that you must be an interesting person. After all, Elise doesn’t pay everyone much mind or ignores their presence. However, Elise seems to really enjoy your presence.
➤ Falling for someone is something curious. Feelings develop before one can notice they grew, and so Mori sees you in his office more often and finds your presence to be surprisingly pleasant. Instead of talking about the mafia’s business, the conversation becomes more personal and you let him in on your private life, not thinking too much of it.
➤ Conversations vary between the two of you. It can be something as trivial as Mori complaining about his coffee tasting funny to more philosophical questions such as why people are born without their consent, why death is important, why people are so humane although the brain is built like a computer filled with data. It keeps Mori’s brain going and he likes the change of pace of not having to talk in a business way all the time.
➤ Mori’s out shopping with Elise and finds himself stopping at a sun dress for women, not girls. It catches Elise’s attention and she immediately knows what’s up. She personally witnesses how much time Mori spends with you and how he stopped using you as a mere pawn for his chess games. “Are you seriously thinking about another woman while I’m here?!“
➤ “Elise, it’s not like that, I swear!“ Mori tries to defend himself, but she caught him redhanded.
➤ He has never seen you wearing a dress, so Mori is curious to find out how the article of clothing would suit you and the more he dwells on the thought, the more he realizes he’s falling for you. Usually, only Elise was on his mind during their shopping trips, but now someone else interfers with that routine and he doesn’t mind it too much. Mori does feel sorry for Elise though. He had planned on buying her so much, yet here he was, thinking about getting you something as well.
➤ Unlike Dazai, Mori doesn’t himself of a relationship, although he knows it could tarnish your image at the mafia. He’s well aware of women being accused of sleeping their way up tot he top, although they have to work twice as hard as men to get the position they aim for. Naturally, he doesn’t want it to happen to you. How dare someone speak such vulgar assumptions about his [Name]?
➤ “By the way, I got you a dress when I was shopping with Elise.“
➤ “You WHAT?!“
➤ You still try the dress on and Mori finds himself wanting to buy you more, wanting to spoil you like Elise and wanting to see the rare blush on your cheeks. But that sight was only for his sight to see!
➤ “You should wear that dress for our date.“
➤ “This would sound more convincing if you didn’t say it with such a straight face, but I’m definitely not refusing.“
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lumoshyperion · 3 years
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Your thoughts on the Cursed Child giving us pure good Slytherins like Scorpius, Albus and Craig? I'm not a Slytherin myself but it's always good to see Hogwarts houses more nuance than a house being purely good or purely evil.
It's one of my favourite things about Cursed Child, honestly? It dismantles a lot of the preconceived notions about Slytherin, and it critiques Harry and his friend’s opinions on them. It takes that scene at the end of the books ("What if I am put in Slytherin?") and expands upon it.
I've already answered a question about Craig, so I'll mostly talk about Albus and Scorpius and their relationship with their house. It's interesting seeing or hearing how each actor responds in the sorting scene. Scorpius varies from annoyed, but not surprised - to happy and relieved, in Nyx's case. But Albus is always shocked. Sean changed her reaction up every time I saw her. Sometimes they were smiling. Still riding on the high of that conversation in the train carriage to Hogwarts - which made the look in their eyes at the sorting hat's decision all the more heartbreaking. And sometimes she was already terrified. Wringing her hands, her eyes darting through the audience as the hat stalls over Albus' house. And then it happens, and they go completely still with shock.
There's a lot of stock put into characters choosing their houses, but I don't think Albus or Scorpius had a choice. Albus didn't ask for Slytherin and, even if he did, how do we know that the hat would have put him there just because he asked and not because it's where he belonged? I think a lot of people used to misinterpret the traits of a Slytherin as purely bad or black and white. Ambition? Cunning? Doing anything to get what they want? Surely these aren't the traits of a good person. Surely no one that has the ability to be kind or selfless would be sorted into Slytherin.
But one of the major bullies of Scorpius and Albus is Polly Chapman, and she's in Gryffindor. Rose, also in Gryffindor, claims that she used to be best friends with Albus, but it's clear from their conversations that she doesn't talk to him anymore and that he doesn't trust her anymore. Even his older brother is a model Gryffindor student, and yet he teases Albus constantly. Something we forget is that these are all teenagers. Scorpius, Albus, and Rose are characters we first meet when they're eleven years old, and their arcs in the play end when they're fourteen. We're all still developing our sense of self at these ages. None of us knew who we were or what we wanted. We acted based on impulse and on years of influence from our parents, our family, our friends - anyone older than us who we believed must have known better.
There's something inherently flawed about putting eleven year old’s into houses that whittle them down to the most basic of traits. Because it's not as simple as that? Hermione could have been a Ravenclaw - she's got the brains for it, and the thirst for learning. But she could have been a Slytherin, too - isn't her ambition one of the first pieces of dialogue about her in the play? Craig could be a Hufflepuff. He's kind and loyal, he's quiet and shy. We see very little ambition from him in the play, although we do know that he's prefect and that he's clever enough to be able to do the Scorpion King's homework as well as his own. I think Craig is a perfect example of houses not defining a student's entire personality. He's the perfect example of how much more complex and nuanced these kids are, beyond what their houses say about them.
With Scorpius and Albus, we have a clearer idea of why they were sorted into Slytherin. We see how well Scorpius does in the other reality, concealing his true feelings and moving from each scene with such clear goals in mind and without ever faltering in his search for answers. There's something he says in the Forbidden Forest to Snape that I think sums my answer up really well - "The world changes and we change with it. I am better off in this world." Because, like it or not, he is popular in this world. He is well liked and respected in this world. He sees that and a part of him enjoys that - he and Albus even discuss it later on in the dormitory, and Scorpius reveals how much braver and stronger he feels for his experiences. But, as he goes on to say, "the world is not better. And I don't want that."
It's about the fact that, while he does enjoy being popular and respected, none of that matters because he still sees how cruel and jaded the Scorpion King is. He sees Craig cowering at the sight of him in the library and he hates it. Of course he fixes the world because he knows it can't go on like this. But he also fixes it because he looks right through the power and strength of his alternate self, and he sees a selfishness and cruelty that he cannot accept. When Sean's Albus would laugh and bring up Polly Chapman fancying Scorpius, Nyx would give the most unimpressed shrug. And then their voice would lower and their expression would darken, as they explained just how awful the Scorpion King was. How none of that popularity or respect mattered, because it concealed an evil that Scorpius hated to have found existed in himself, even in another reality.
And continuing with the theme of that scene in the dormitory, we also hear Albus dismantling his own actions that he's made up until that point. He worries that he only wanted to save Cedric to prove himself. He only put their lives on the line because he wanted to show the world that he isn’t just Harry Potter’s son. That he isn’t just a Slytherin in a family of Gryffindors - that he can be brave and heroic, too. But there are different kinds of bravery. And Albus could have done anything he wanted to remove himself from the shadow of his dad. He’s a clever kid. He’s cunning and resourceful - he’s more of a Slytherin than even Scorpius, who comes from a family of Slytherins. But instead, he overhears a grieving father begging Harry to give him his son back, and he decides to do something about it. He decides to put himself at risk, running away from school and changing time itself to save the life of a complete stranger. Because he sees the love Amos has for Cedric - the kind of love he doesn’t feel from his own dad - and instead of feeling jealous or angry, he... wants to help. He wants to do what his dad cannot and bring an old man his son back. That’s kind. That’s heroic. 
“When Amos Diggory asked for the Time-Turner my father denied they even existed. He lied to an old man who just wanted his son back - who just loved his son. And he did it because he didn’t care... because he doesn’t care. Everyone talks about all the brave things Dad did. But he made some mistakes too. Some big mistakes, in fact. I want to set one of those mistakes right. I want us to save Cedric.” - Albus, Act One Scene Three.
“I know what it is to be the spare. Your son didn’t deserve to be killed, Mr Diggory. We can help you get him back.” - Albus, Act One Scene Fourteen.
"Cedric? Your dad loves you.” “What?” “Your dad loves you. Very much. I just thought you should know that.” - Albus and Cedric, Act Three Scene Twenty. 
In the final scene, Albus talks about how he wanted Delphi killed for what she did, and he says that maybe this is his “Slytherin side”. Maybe this is what the sorting hat saw in him. Because even after everything, even after all that he experienced and all that he’s seen in both Scorpius and Craig and the other Slytherin students, he’s still held down by the misconceptions about Slytherin. And that’s so unfair? It’s unfair that children have been made to feel like this. Albus is empathetic. Scorpius is kind. Craig is loyal. But they’re put into a box that none of them asked for and that is so hard to wrap your head around at that age. Because you don’t know what you did wrong, but you do know that it must have been something because suddenly everyone treats you differently. So you try to explain it to yourself. You think of everything you’ve ever said or done in a different light. And you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you are what they say you are. And you start to doubt every part of you that’s good or kind or compassionate. And it’s something that Albus struggles with the most in the play. And I’m going to close this ask with some quotes from Draco to Harry, because I think I’ve gone on for too long and because what he said is very relevant. 
“You can’t talk to Albus. I can’t talk to Scorpius. That’s what this is about. Not about my son being evil. Because as much as you might take the word of a haughty centaur, you know the power of friendship.”
“My father thought he was protecting me. Most of the time. People say parenting is the hardest job in the world - they’re wrong - growing up is. We all just forget how hard it was. I think you have to make a choice - at a certain point - of the man you want to be. And I tell you at that time you need a parent or a friend. And if you’ve learnt to hate your parent by then and you have no friends... then you’re all alone. And being alone - that’s so hard.”
“Maybe the black cloud Bane saw was Albus’s loneliness. His pain. His hatred. Don’t lose the boy. You’ll regret it. And so will he. Because he needs you and Scorpius.”
ask me questions about year two, year three, and other things!
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all-things-mlqc · 3 years
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What do you think Shaw's fairytale could have been, had he been included in the "Wonderland after Dark" event?
First and foremost, now that I’ve written my response, I went way over the top with this idea. Was originally going to just summarize this idea and maybe slap Shaw’s face on Disney’s “Robin Hood” fox as a shit edit for funsies yet here we are with a whole HC. Anywho, I hope you enjoy and feel free to comment what other fairytale stories you guys think Shaw would’ve been good for!
Honestly my first thought was Aladdin or Robin Hood. I’m trying to think what best goes with his personality and how you could twist those stories into something new like they have with the other boys. I honestly feel like Robin Hood fits his personality especially with his latest event where he basically pulls a Robin Hood move, stealing from an antique store that was trying to sell fakes for the price of authentic pieces. He “took care” of the owner and people who were involved with this shameless exchange and by took care I mean beat them to a pulp in the alley, stole the items, and even got the shop closed down. While he didn’t necessarily steal valuable items and distribute the wealth to others like what our known Robin Hood does, what he did still protected many people without them knowing. Shaw has that sly, fun way of living life and really does help others without their knowledge. Even if it’s in his own dumbass way which can be selfish at times, I think he could’ve had a pretty good Robin Hood story in this event.
Robin Hood Shaw
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Here’s your shit edit that took a total of 4.6 minutes to make
I imagine it would’ve gone something like this:
Shaw as Robin Hood would never settle in one place for too long. He enjoys adventuring around and would often be found visiting many different villages.
There were rumors in nearby villages of a vigilante who would supposedly ambush criminals, bandits, and even rich folks in the nearby villages who were involved with some sort of dirty business.
While he is a stubborn moron who does stupid things and can be selfish at times, he’s never once harmed or stolen from innocent people. He finds it thrilling when he’s able to let loose and be on the verge of getting caught, so fighting criminals/bandits/bad people within the village was how he enjoyed living life.
While most of his reasoning behind it may be selfish, the people of the nearby villages still considered him a hero.
He enjoyed taking out the rumored bandits outside of the village, getaway criminals within the village, and most of all, he enjoyed stealing from tactless, arrogant “royals” is what these people call themselves who used dirty tactics to gain the wealth they had.
Shaw loved the thrill of sneaking in and stealing their valuable belongings that were acquired unjustly with the chance of getting caught. And what he loved more was seeing their infuriated expressions after realizing they had been robbed.
To cover up his tracks, he would distribute the wealth among the good people of the village. He insists his good deeds are nothing more than him wanting some good entertainment and only gives the villages the wealth to cover up his tracks but we all know he’s secretly soft. Under all that bitchassness ofc
He would, however, always keep one item for himself. Whatever seemed to have caught his eye in that moment. The items he collected varied. He didn’t always care about their worth and would often take whatever seemed interesting to him.
Most of the money he used to provide food, clothing, and shelter came from the bandits and criminals. He had plenty of money to get around.
So in this date, I imagine MC going around village to village looking for this vigilante so called “Robin Hood” to help her village. Similar to Disney’s “Robin Hood” film, the people of the village are forced to pay an unfair amount of taxes to the people in control who then use those taxes for their own selfish desires, leaving the people of the village to suffer.
MC uses Robin Hood’s latest sightings from different villages as clues to where she may be able to find him, but many villagers tell her it’s hopeless, that he never shows himself as Robin Hood in public.
While asking around in a nearby village, Shaw overhears her conversation and catches her outside the village during her departure back home.
He asks why she’s looking for Robin Hood so she explains her village’s current situation vaguely to him.
Without explaining himself, he joins her on her journey back to her village.
She was uncertain about him tagging along without an explanation but soon had some friendly banter I say friendly but this man is just annoying as hell and we love it with one another. Y’all know how friendly Shaw is. Annoying but good at making conversation. Ya know... like his usual self.
Anywho, they come across some bandits on the way back where *enter Robin Hood Shaw*.
While Shaw fends off the bandits, MC also joins in and surprises him with some fighting skills of her own which ya’ll know damn well he’s gonna like.
MC was able to piece things together after seeing his fighting style and capability in which she asks if he’s Robin Hood.
He chuckles and responds with a simple “let’s go” as he continues towards the direction of her village.
She follows suit with way too many questions like mood mc, I wanna know what life is like as a bitch vigilante too but you also gotta remember he’s an annoying asshat
To be honest, her first impression after realizing he was Robin Hood was something like “wow wasn’t expecting him to be a dumb bitch” after all that friendly banter. But then again what do you expect from a man who purposely gets himself into danger?
Her questions included those as such: Why did you become Robin Hood? Have you ever been caught? Why do you always keep one stolen item from each place you rob?
His response was a question of his own “Why do you need the help of Robin Hood when you are capable of fighting, yourself?”
She pauses and explains she isn’t capable of helping the village all by herself and thought if she could find Robin Hood, the village would have hope.
Shaw pauses and states his own desires, “I’m not the person people make me out to be. I don’t do these things for the people, I do them for myself. Whether or not you want to believe I help people, in the end, I’m only doing this for myself.”
With that being said, MC suddenly felt a wall being built between them. Not that they had a well developed relationship beforehand
Still, MC explains her village’s situation in much more detail in hope of coming up with a plan.
MC throws out a few ideas while Shaw asks questions about her village and the men in control and then offers his own ideas.
After a lifetime of teasing and bickering, they come to a conclusion.
Once again bringing in Disney’s classic “Robin Hood” film, I thought it would be fun to include a fox in this story and even did some research on Chinese mythological creatures.
Huli jings are fox like mythological creatures that have the capability to shapeshift.
So to add a little twist in this story like the rest of the boys, MC’s village just so happened to be guarded by a huli jing spirit, or so the legends within the village say.
Shaw, with his sly, sneaky Robin Hood persona decided to use this to his advantage.
For days after returning to MC’s village, they gathered materials for their plan for the next time taxes would be collected.
With Shaw’s skills, he would dress as the huli jing spirit shapeshifted as a human wearing a fox mask and fight those who come by to collect taxes, threatening them to leave the village and never return while MC was in charge of special effects to make the “performance” seem more realistic.
He thought the idea of these awful villagers being frightened half to death by a “spirit” was rather entertaining and would make this mission much more satisfying in the end after everything going according to plan. Basically his thought process was “imagine pulling something off so ridiculous yet so incredible”
Slowly driving one by one out of the village, Shaw continued to “haunt” and threaten anyone involved.
However, it was only a matter of time when one of them realized it was all staged after finding MC off to the side, helping Shaw with his “performance”.
MC was then taken to the person in charge and held captive.
Once Shaw realized she had gone missing, he suspected the remaining few caught on and had her as a hostage so he finished his job more quickly and efficiently. Mr. iM dOiNg ThiS fOr mYsELf
Being stuck with the man in charge who was responsible for the village’s suffering, MC began asking why he did everything he had done, why he doesn’t help the village like one should. Oh MC, sweet sweet MC, there are some terrible people in the world and you should know this
After talking with the man for some time, there was a loud crash following the man being knocked to the ground by a powerful force.
“I’ve come to steal you away” is all MC hears before being swept up into Shaw’s arms.
With the man on the ground letting out painful cries, Shaw reveals himself as Robin Hood, receiving an appalled gasp from the man lying on the floor as he demands him to leave the village for good and never return.
The man refuses to give up, calling for backup only to be met with silence.
Shaw: Oh? You haven’t heard? They all fled the village. The remaining ones have been dealt with as well. It’s best you do the same if you value your life.
With this being said, the man got up and frantically stumbled out of the building.
As Shaw carries MC outside, the villagers thank him as they distribute the wealth found within the mans home among everyone, now safe from their continued suffering.
Enjoying her embarrassed expression, Shaw quietly teases MC while continuing to carry her away from others.
MC: You can put me down now, Mr. Every man for himself.
Shaw: Oh? I guess I found that time spent with you is utterly amusing and would be a shame to lose such entertainment.
MC: Well if you don’t go back soon, everything will be taken and you won’t be able to get your reward.
Shaw: And what reward would that be?
MC: The one item you choose to keep from every theft you’ve ever done.
Shaw chuckles while leaning close, whispering in her ear, “I’ve already taken my reward”.
Bye, I’ll be suffering while wishing we actually had Shaw in this event because he would’ve been 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
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kopykunoichi · 4 years
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Rexsoka and Shipping “Child” Soldiers
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It’s hard to remember sometimes that Rex is only 13 at the end of the war. All “puberty hit him like a truck” jokes aside, I can see the boy in him for the first time at the end of the Siege of Mandalore arc.
But war matures people quickly, and teaches them to think and act like adults. Coupled with the fact that his growth and education was sped up and he literally has an adult man’s body (and all the hormones to go with it), I don’t consider him to be a child. He may be naive about some things that he has little experience with, but he’s definitely an adult.
Now, for Ahsoka...
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Ahsoka has been fighting in war since she was 14 years old. To our modern Western/American sensibilities, this is far too young to be exposed to the horrors of war. The thing is, war is horrifying no matter what age you are, and it doesn’t matter if you’re 6, 14, 18, 27, or 68 when you’re exposed to it - it changes you. There are a great many cultures, both ancient and contemporary, that train and expose their children and youth to war, for various reasons.
Different cultures also have different thresholds for what constitutes a child. Let’s be clear though - NO ONE would consider a 14-year-old to be a “child”. So let’s just throw that term out the window right now, please. Western cultures would put Ahsoka in the category of “adolescent”, which the WHO defines as someone aged between 10 and 19. An adolescent is a human transitioning from a child to a fully mature adult. Other cultures simply make the delineation between child and adult as the end of puberty - the point in which a child becomes a sexually mature adult - and there is no middle area. 
I personally fall somewhere between the two. Adolescent psychology and physiology is a fascinating period of development, but it is very ambiguous and varies tremendously from case to case. I think my [American] culture hampers the development from child to adult by sheltering adolescents for far too long - keeping them dependent on their parents long after what is necessary. 
This was not the case even two generations ago in America. My grandmother was 14 when she met my grandfather. He was 19. It was love at first sight. Seriously, they have the most beautiful story. When she was 16 and he was 21, they got married. No one thought that was weird. No one thought that was inappropriate or gross. The purity of their marriage had a profound impact on me. They were in love with each other till the day death separated them. There was a fire in their love for each other than never died out...Granny embarrassed us grandkids on more than one occasion for how straight up horny she was for Grandpa - but it was so cute. 
I was 16 when I graduated high school and went off to college. I had plans and ambitions and didn’t want to get into a relationship at the time, but I was certainly mature enough to be in that sort of relationship at that age. I had a friend who got married when she was 17, with her parents permission. Believe me, neither of us were “children”. Young? Yes. Naive to some things? Yes. But hell, I’m 32 and I still act “immature” at times. Does that mean that I’m a child? No.
So when I look at Ahsoka and Rex through the lens of my experiences, I don’t see them as too young to be “shippable” and I certainly don’t see them children. There are plenty of characters (or real people) who I would say are probably not mature enough to be in a healthy adult sexual relationship (even if they are sexually mature). Ahsoka and Rex are not in that category. They are mature, independent, young adults - perfectly capable of making those choices.
I know this is a sore topic for some.  I’m sure some people will claim I’m shipping pedophilia, because they don’t know the correct term (it’s ephebophilia). Of course, that only applies if Rex was exclusively attracted to Ahsoka when she was 15-19 and then lost interest once she was older, so that doesn’t apply either. In any case, antis will be antis. I’m not out here looking to start ship wars or defend people who prey on kids, trust me. All I want to do is dispel this notion that some people seem to have about those who dare to suggest that a young adult can be attracted to an older adult and it’s neither abnormal nor necessarily bad. Weigh in with your comments. Express your thoughts. I only ask that you do it in a mature and thoughtful way. She says as she posts a hot take on shipping young adults on Tumblr of all places...
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beardycarrot · 2 years
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The Game Awards is tonight! While I’m not expecting to see the sequel to Breath of the Wild, like everyone is expecting (my money is on Metroid Prime 4), this could be my last chance to list the things I want before an official title drop. Warning: this is a very long, rambling post.
In an interview, Bill Trinen suggested that the game’s title could give away plot/mechanical details that they’re not ready to reveal, so we’ll only get the title at the end of a trailer properly showcasing whatever this is. Nintendo really likes surprises... like, remember how the original Super Mario Odyssey trailer had Cappy edited out of all of the scenes it showed, so they could do a reveal of him at the end, and they didn’t even show the capturing mechanic until six months later?
So! What’s this spoiler-y title? I doubt it has anything to do with Ganon, and we already know that Link has some kind of Sheikah cyborg magitech on his arm. As I see it, the title could refer to three mechanics: the reason he has the arm, him being separated from Zelda, or time travel.
In the teaser trailer, the order of events is a little chopped up, Mummy Ganon is reacting to Link and Zelda’s presence, and his malice causes the ground to split open. It’s hard to tell exactly what happens from the shots shown, but it looks like Zelda almost falls in, and barely hanging on to the edge, and reaches for Lin’s hand. He tries to pull her up, but another tremor/split in the ground causes them both to fall in. The magic hand sealing Ganon lets him go and grabs Link. There’s a strong emphasis on hands in this trailer, every character’s hands are featured prominently,  so it’s reasonable that it’s an important aspect of the game. In the second trailer, you see a shot of Link’s arm engulfed in malice. Later, that same hand, blackened and with long fingernails, is wearing the magitech bracer from the hand that was sealing Ganon, swirling with that same blue-green energy. It was obvious from the first trailer that the hand would be the new Sheikah Slate, but the reason for it seems to be to heal Link’s arm.
Finally, that brings me to the possible title: is the arm preventing some kind of corruption from spreading across Link’s body, Princess Mononoke-style? In my opinion, this wouldn’t make for a very interesting title, and I think there are much stronger elements at play both mechanically and plot-wise. I do think that the hand can and should be referenced in the title, but more on that in a bit.
The next possible title is Link’s separation from Zelda. Assuming nothing significant changed in the sequence of events between the two trailers, it looks like the hand that saves Link failed to save Zelda, because she’s seen plummeting into the void. Now, there’s absolutely no reason for anything to be down there other than death. I really doubt there’s, like, a conveniently-placed portal down there. It’s possible that Zelda was able to activate her spiritual powers and not hit the bottom at terminal velocity, but with how dark the trailers are and how her falling into the void is depicted, I think that’s meant to be an Actually Fatal fall. I’ll explain why they would kill Zelda in the next point, but for now, let’s pretend that she survives.
Something a lot of people picked up on in the original trailer was the big pack animal loaded with supplies that Link and Zelda have with them as they explore the dungeon. Nintendo’s been known to hide mechanics in plain sight, and to listen to fan feedback: in the very first BotW teaser, Link is chased by a Guardian, and vaults off his horse to fire an arrow at it. Bullet time (from vaulting off your horse or otherwise) turned out to be a pretty big mechanic in the game, and at that point in development, Guardians weren’t even part of the plot. Ocarina of Time was originally meant to have giant Octoroks roaming around, but getting the animation to look right as they walked over varied terrain was too difficult at the time; they decided to replace them with giant Peahats, enemies that fly. They ended up having standard Octoroks as water-bound enemies that never move, and a giant one as a mini-boss in a room with a flat floor. The Guardian in the first trailer was meant to be a return to this concept, an all terrain giant octopus-like monster and nothing more than a normal enemy out in the world, but the reception to it was so positive that Nintendo decided to give it an expanded role.
That was a VERY long tangent, but what I’m trying to say is, Nintendo knows people want playable Zelda. Similar to horse-vaulting and the Guardian, the pack animal and Zelda could be hinting at gameplay mechanics and Nintendo listening to fans. At the end of BotW, Zelda has the Sheikah Slate, and since Link now has the arm thing, doesn’t need it. This could easily mean that throughout the game, you’re able to play as both Link and Zelda. I don’t know how they could make it work, but... I mean, BotW is about Link fighting robots, removing the corrupting influence from giant mechs, and taking on a cyborg Ganon. Link gets a light saber chainsaw sword and a motorcycle. If Nintendo can do that and still make it feel like a fantasy game, still make it feel like Zelda, I’m sure they can make anything work. That said, again, I think the trailer shows Zelda falling to her doom, for reasons I’ll get into momentarily.
The final possible source of a title, as I see it, is something there’s almost no evidence for... but I’m so blinded by my love for it, I WILL grasp at those straws. I am, of course, talking about time travel. There are a number of reasons it’s plausible. After seeing the first trailer, my ideas for the hand’s abilities were pretty limited. A hookshot is an obvious one, something that’s always great in 3D Zelda, and would’ve been particularly great in BotW. Other ideas included a hammer hand, a helicopter hand, just kinda using it as a torch... I even suggested the idea of stopping time. As it turns out, both of the abilities we saw in the second trailer involve reversing time. One appears to send moving objects backwards in time along the path they followed, while the other allows him to... I guess shoot up into the air and climb through solid stone, which I assume is a contextual thing you can only do in specific areas to reach the skylands™. The trailer seems to depict a drop of glowy energy water moving in reverse, which could just be how they chose to animate this ability... but combined with the other ability and a few other things, that gives me An Idea.
So! Zelda falls, presumably to her death, and Ganon’s malice pours out. How do you undo something like this? Well... you just undo it. Yep, that’s my big idea for the plot of this game: you’re on a mission to strengthen your time manipulation abilities, so that you can literally undo Ganon being freed and save Zelda. It fits with the weird reversed music in the first trailer... and I honestly think time travel might be the only way to keep the game world interesting. Nintendo’s made it clear that the game is going to be set on the same map as BotW, and while the skylands™ are interesting... assuming this is set a year or less after the last game, not that much will have changed. Know how you can keep the same geography, but all new locations and characters? Time travel, baby! My theory is that, for whatever reason, Link is sent back in time ten thousand years, and we only ever see him in his own time at the start and end of the game. Like, freeing Ganon is 100% the instigating incident, and that dungeon (presumably below Hyrule Castle) makes more sense as a tutorial area than it does only existing in cutscenes.
It’s possible that you could travel between the two time periods, Oracle of Ages-style, but I don’t see how that would work with an established world and such a large span between the two times. No, I’m getting that you spend the whole game in the past, meeting new characters and seeing how the world came to be how it is in BotW. Wasn’t Dueling Peaks a single mountain until a dragon split it in half? What’s that perfectly circular hole in Hebra Peak? Will we see the Leviathans alive, or the Zonai? There’s so much to work with!
There’s also the matter of the events depicted on the tapestry you see explaining BotW’s backstory. It’s highly stylized, but the Guardians and Divine Beasts are portrayed pretty accurately, so we have to take it at face value, right? The four champions piloting the Divine Beasts decidedly do not include a Zora or Goron, and while the spirit maiden definitely appears to be a Zelda... the hero really doesn’t look like Link. He’s probably wielding the Master Sword, it’s too stylized to say for sure... but the guy himself definitely doesn’t look like any incarnation of Link we’ve ever seen. A large nose, darker skin, a mane of long red hair... honestly, it looks more like Ganondorf or Groose.
Which brings me to my concept for the game: ten thousand years ago, there was no hero, just a Princess Zelda and someone doing their best to fill the hero role, who probably wouldn’t be called Groose but I’m calling Groose anyway. I don’t know how Link gets to the past, but he ends up being the one who seals Ganondorf away, and Groose, who’s been bumbling about the entire time, gets the credit for it. The tapestry shows Zelda and the hero fighting a giant pig made of smoke (I’m guessing malice), which is how Calamity Ganon appeared over Hyrule Castle in BotW. Maybe while Link is down in the dungeon, having his standoff with Ganondorf and ultimately using his spirit hand to seal him away, Groose and the rest are fighting the calamity up top, which is how he gets credited.
Ever since I saw the teaser trailer, with all that focus on hands, I thought that the title would incorporate that somehow. It’s been two and a half years, and the only good word I’ve been able to come up with is “reach”. So, my proposed title is...
The Legend of Zelda: Reach Through the Ages
Now, onto other things I’d like to see in the game.
First up is actual dungeons, and actual dungeon items. While I love BotW, some of its elements could be improved upon. Like, Nintendo looked at what was popular, and incorporated it... including Portal’s test rooms for the shrines. These were fine, but I want more than just puzzles, I want interesting locations. I also want actually useful items, things on par with the runes in BotW. The Spinner in Twilight Princess was fun, but outside of Arbiter’s Grounds, you use it, what. Three times? The dungeon items don’t have to be physical things, they can be abilities for the arm, but I want them to be used for clever puzzles in full-sized dungeons, and then have plenty of use both in combat, exploration, and puzzle-solving throughout the rest of the game.
I want to see a bunch of old enemies return. Almost all of the enemies in BotW are bipedal, which is boring. Sure, I’m okay with adding more bipedal enemies, I’d love to see Goriyas return... but I also want Leevers, I want Peahats, I want Tektites and Bari and Helmasaurs and Wallmasters. What about Deku Babas, or those plants from ALttP that had teeth and legs... Snap Dragons, they’re apparently called. Know what I would absolutely love to see? The return of some old bosses! It would be amazing to fight an Aquamentus as a random overworld boss. Ever since I saw the second trailer, I’ve thought that weird worm thing hanging from the ceiling that Link fights with a fire-breathing shield could be a Like Like, and I recently saw a video pointing out that the green stone creature, which I parsed as a friendly one-eyed snake, was likely an Eyegore. Which I can absolutely see now.
More interesting equipment effects would be cool, maybe more minor effects that you don’t need a full set for. I’m a big fan of the rings from the Oracle games, and think it would be cool if you could equip a magic ring or two. Imagine an invisibility ring that runs on stamina and then starts to drain health, like the Phantom Cloak from Metroid Dread, or one that changes your size, or one that lets you talk to animals!
Speaking of equipment, I want more stuff like the DLC items. Not including the Bunny Hood was a serious missed opportunity... Maybe it would allow you to sprint slightly faster than normal, and also deplete the stamina bar more slowly? I don’t know what other things like that they could include, and if they had hats or whatever from other Nintendo properties I’d prefer they be as DLC... but hey, the more the merrier!
Weapon repair is a MUST. I didn’t really mind weapons and shields breaking in BotW... that is, until I learned that there’s a finite number of the Kite Shield, my favorite item in the game. Ideally, the game would have a full-blown crafting system, where you can craft and upgrade your own items at the appropriate facilities, and can repair them just wherever, so long as you have the right materials. I’d really love it if you could craft very customized items, allowing you to like, mix and match sword blades and hilts, modify the color, name them... but that’s definitely me asking too much. I can always dream, though.
It’d be nice to have a companion character again. In most games, your companion’s stayed hidden for whatever reason... Navi, Tatl, Ezlo, Midna, Ciela, Zelda’s ghost, Fi... for the most part, they only ever talk to you, with minimal interaction with other characters. It would be nice if you had a companion, and they actually join conversations with NPCs. Maybe the spirit hand somehow communicates to Link that to save Zelda, he’ll need to find a fairy to help him. I dunno, as much as I enjoy exploring a vast, unrestricted world, it just gets lonely sometimes, y’know? How about a bird? Can the companion be a little bird?
A very easy way to expand the world without changing what’s already there would be to allow Link to diver underwater. There’s a lot of water in this world, and a few places that would easily be modified a bit to include more... we’re talking ten thousand years difference, they can change a lot of things. Zora armor that allows you to swim freely, please.
I’d like to see some old characters and races return. Why? Why not! At one point in BotW’s development, they planned for there to be Kokiri, which I would love to see! They also played with the idea of a miniature town that you’d have to shrink down to enter, Minish Cap-style. That’s so cool! I want that!
Finally, I just want cool locations in general. BotW made use of some cool real-world things like baobab and dragon’s blood trees, but then there were also high fantasy things like the massive underwater flowers in Skull Lake. I’d love to see some more cool, memorable things that I haven’t seen in every other fantasy video game.
Alright, I need to go walk my dog and get a tattoo, but y’know what? I changed my mind! When I get back tonight I fully expect to see all these things at The Game Awards! You hear me, Geoff Keighley??
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gallavictorious · 4 years
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what about like mickey and geneva crossing paths somehow but don't know each other (i guess before the wedding bc i would guess they would have met at that point) and idk maybe she overhears him say something homophobic and she confronts him and somehow mentions gay jesus and idk. this is 100% inspired by my desire for someone to ask mickey if he knows gay jesus just for him to respond that he knows him biblically lol
Ah, this might just be the most justified desire in the world, nonnie; I salute you! Okay, let's see –
I'm thinking Geneva and a bunch of her friends decide to stage a protest of some kind. Maybe just to raise awareness of the plight of the LGTB+ community in general, or maybe in direct reaction to a store treating gay people less than right... let's be honest, there's a lot of shit happening, so it's not like it'd be hard for them to find a just cause. Brave and resolute they arm themselves with righteousness and march out in the name of their lord and savior, Gay Jesus!
March, as it happens, straight to A Certain Mall – CAN YOU GUESS WHICH? – where A Certain Disgruntled Darling – CAN YOU GUESS WHO? – works. Now, I don't think their protest is aimed at Old Army per se but maybe it happens right outside the store just next to it, and so the Gay Jesus Group and all of their signs and whatever other props they bring kind of spill over to halfway block the entrance to Mickey's workplace?
By rights this should be a case for mall main security, which I assume exists even if I have no idea what the right word for it would be, but let's pretend that they're unsure about how to intervene in a way that doesn't get them into trouble for being homophobic. Maybe their boss is a very anxious and pollitically minded person, highly unsuited for their job? Or just secretly supports what's happening? Either way, mall security does nothing. The protest continues. There's a crowd gathering, some jeering, some curious, and some in silent support. Between that and the protest itself there's not a whole lot of people making their way into Old Army which Concerns the staff working the floor there, and so they send Mickey out to deal with it.
“What's in it for me?” Mickey probably demands, savvy to the fact that this strictly speaking isn't his job, and the fuck does he care if a few hippies stand around chanting whatever so that no one can get in to the store to bother him while he dreams of all the stuff Ian and he can do to and with one another once he gets off work?
I'm not sure what the rest of the staff promise him, but it's good enough that fine, he'll go scare these rainbow kids away. So out he stomps and he immediately identifies Geneva as the ring leader, mostly because it's her holding the megaphon and leading the chants. Our highly questionable hero walks up to her, calling: “Yo! Gonna need you to pack this shit up and get the hell out of here. You're bothering the customers.”
Mickey's scary when he wants to be, that's true, but Geneva ain't no pushoever and she's used to standing up to all sorts of bullies – plus she has the unshakeable zeal of a true believer. She's not backing down, and maybe there's a small part of Mickey that can admire her courage, but a larger part is just really fucking annoyed at these people complicating his workday with this stupid crap.
Sadly (for Mickey) Geneva doesn't give a fig for his annoyance. She stares him right in the eye and launches into a spiel about how the store they're protesting has treated the LGTB+ community in a horrible, horrible way and people need to be made aware of the fact.
Mickey's face wrinkles in disgust. “And what the fuck's whining about it gonna do, huh? Someone insult you 'cause you're gay you beat the shit outta them, or you trash their fucking store to teach them a lesson, but nobody's gonna give a damn about a few signs. Besides, those ugly things” – he indicates the signs – “are boring as hell, you ain't gonna convince people of shit with those.”
(There's an alternative version of this story, I think, wherein Mickey now leaps into a lecture of how to make proper, eye-catching signs, and maybe even leads a little practical workshop in the art of it, because we know he's got an artistic streak. But as amusing as that image is, Mickey ultimately just doesn't care enough about whatever these people are doing to bother, so in this version of the story, that just doesn't happen. Sorry, guys. I cannot be blamed for Mickey not having a whole lot of communal gay spirit.)
Geneva is maybe a little surprised by Mickey's take on the whole thing, but not impressed: “Demanding that we should be interesting to be heard is putting unjust pressure on the victim of systematic oppression and – “
The crowd has followed this entire exchange with varying degrees of cautious interest and now someone – a big, beared man, probably, and likely sporting a MAGA hat too – calls out: “Nobody cares, you fucking dyke! Go suck a dick and maybe you won't be such a bitch.”
Geneva is sadly used to these sort of slurs, and she and her group are more than prepared to defend themselves, but before anyone has a chance to do or say anything, Mickey – whose face has collapsed into irritated disgust – turns around and walks straight up to the shouty bastard and gets right in his stupid face: “Yo, maybe you wanna keep your fat mouth shut, Cheeto-packer, or I'll give you a dick to suck on and I promise you, you gonna fucking choke on it.”
The man stares. The crowd stares. Geneva and the Gay Jesus Group stares too. Mickey, he just stands right there, smiling up at the far taller man; it's that dangerous smile of his, and the beared dude suddenly shows far more sense than his hat would suggest him capable off and walks away without another word.
Unperpetubed, Mickey turns back to the protesters: “So you gonna get out of here or what?”
Geneva isn't quite sure how to respond. She doesn't know what to make of this security guard and his frankly odd and contradictory behavior. “Thank you for shutting him up,” she begins slowly and a little grudgingly. “But we can't just walk away. Gay Jesus taught us – “
“Gay Jesus?” Ah fuck, he should have fucking known, and if he finds out that Ian had anything to do with this, he's going to fucking kill him...
Geneva frowns at his tone. “You know about Gay Jesus?”
Mickey's lips twist into something that's not quite a smile. “Know him biblically,” he offers sardonically, and he takes no small amount of pleasure at the sight of Geneva at an actual loss for words. (Sure, he's only known her for two minutes, but he has this feeling that it's a very rare sight indeed.)
Then he sighs; this has gone on long enough. He picks up his phone and calls his boyfriend (who has the very good sense to pick up almost immediately): “Ay, asshole, can you tell your fucking groupies to go be pains in someone else's ass?”
“... what?”
And Mickey explains while Geneva and her squad yet again stares and then Ian talks to Geneva and of course he doesn't talk her out of protesting – because she is right to to do it, let's not forget – but in the end they reach some sort of compromise that leads to the Gay Jesus Group taking themselves and their signs elsewhere, and Mickey swaggers back into the store, equally pleased and disgruntled. The staff working the floor has followed the entire thing and now they have questions, but Mickey just gives them one forbidding glare and they very hastily return to folding clothes and whatever. The customers start walking in; peace has been restored; all is well.
(And when he comes home that night the whole incident develops into a complicated – but utterly playful, never fear – argument about who owes whom what; does Ian need to make things up to Mickey for starting the whole stupid cult in the first place, or is Mickey in Ian's debt for needing him to resolve the situation? They don't actually reach an agreement on the issue, but I think it's safe to say that both of them feel quite satisfied by the time they eventually fall asleep in each other's arms.)
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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years
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Black Sun. By Rebecca Roanhorse. New York: Saga Press, 2020.
Rating: 3/5 stars
Genre: fantasy
Part of a Series? Yes, Between Earth and Sun #1
Summary: In the holy city of Tova, the winter solstice is usually a time for celebration and renewal, but this year it coincides with a solar eclipse, a rare celestial event proscribed by the Sun Priest as an unbalancing of the world. Meanwhile, a ship launches from a distant city bound for Tova and set to arrive on the solstice. The captain of the ship, Xiala, is a disgraced Teek whose song can calm the waters around her as easily as it can warp a man’s mind. Her ship carries one passenger. Described as harmless, the passenger, Serapio, is a young man, blind, scarred, and cloaked in destiny. As Xiala well knows, when a man is described as harmless, he usually ends up being a villain.
***Full review under the cut.***
Content Warnings: blood, violence, gore, body horror, drug/alcohol use, self-harm, suicide, mutilation, reference to child sex slavery
Overview: I came across this book while looking for fantasy novels set in non-European-inspired worlds. I got really exited about the premise: a pre-Columbian, indigenous-inspired story? With multiple perspectives? And crows? It sounded great! Unfortunately, I couldn’t give this book more than 3 stars for a number of reasons: I felt like the writing could have been a little bit better and that character motivations could have been more clear; and I ultimately didn’t feel like the story was a true race-against-the-clock until the end. While I’m intrigued enough to pick up book 2 in the series, I do wish this book had done a little more to make me feel connected to the plot and the characters.
Writing: Roanhorse’s writing reminds me of some New Adult prose styles: it feels straight-forward, clear, and well-balanced, but sometimes tends to tell more than show, especially when it comes to emotion. I really liked that I could follow the prose without issue, but I often felt like Roanhorse was dumping some info on me and expecting me to absorb it right away. For example, Xiala (one of the protagonists) tells us that she’s always felt like an outsider and that’s why she has such an immediate connection with Serapio (another protagonist), but I didn’t exactly feel that. There were also some worldbuilding details that seemed to be inserted to flesh out the world - which was great - but ultimately didn’t feel relevant to what was going on in the plot.
This book is also told from multiple perspectives and flashes forward and backward in time. While I personally was able to follow the voices and time skips just fine, some readers might find it a challenge.
Also, without spoiling anything, the end of this book seemed to rush by WAY too fast, and I honestly didn’t feel like most of the book was building to it.
The worldbuilding, however, was wonderful. I really liked the way Roanhorse described the look and feel of everything from the tastes, smells, sights, etc. and I loved how diverse and rich everything felt. While I don’t know enough about various Indigenous groups to comment on whether or not the cultural elements were incorporated well, I did like that various populations didn’t seem to be monoliths and varied in terms of social structure, dress, and custom.
Plot: The plot of this book follows two-ish threads: in one thread, Xiala must get Serapio to the city of Tova in time for “the Convergence,” a time when the celestial bodies are aligned AND there’s a lunar eclipse. In the other, Naranpa must navigate a plot to oust her from the priesthood while also dealing with rising opposition from clan Carrion Crow (and their cultists, with whom Okoa is involved).
Because of the many POV characters and the flashbacks in time, it was difficult to feel any sense of urgency in either plot thread. Xiala and Serapio’s thread was a travel narrative, and most of the conflict stemmed from the fact that the crew just straight up did not trust Xiala. At first, I thought we were getting a narrative where the crew mistrusts Xiala because she’s Teek, but then they appear to be ok with her in what was a pleasant subversion of my expectations. But then something happens and we’re back to what I expected, and it proves inconvenient for getting Serapio to Tova in time. Because I didn’t feel like I had much of a reason to want Xiala and Serapio to succeed (Serapio’s motivations are mysterious and Xiala mostly wants wealth), I felt pretty “meh” about them potentially missing their deadline. I would have much rather seen Xiala (and perhaps the crew?) be challenged and grow from the setbacks she experiences at sea, and for her to become more personally connected to Serapio so the journey shifts from one done to earn untold wealth to one where Xiala wants to help her friend (even if said friend ends up being deceptive).
The Tovan plot is likewise a little “meh” because there wasn’t a huge sense of urgency or suspense. I felt like I didn’t know the clans enough to feel strongly about their politics (aside from understanding that killing people is bad in the abstract), nor did I have a concrete reason for wanting the institution of the priesthood to remain (once I learned more of their history and the fact that most priests - called “Watchers” - would rather be elitist than minister to the people).
Perhaps that’s why I felt a little underwhelmed by the plot as a whole: while things certainly happened, I ultimately didn’t feel like they impacted the characters’ inner lives much, or if they did, that evolution was told to us more than shown. While I understand that Black Sun is the first book in a series, I still would have liked the plot to have more of an impression on the characters.
Characters: I think it’s safe to say that this book follows 4 main protagonists: Xiala (a Teek sea captain who fills the Han Solo archetype), Serapio (the mysterious blind man with crow-themes magic powers), Naranpa (the Sun Priest who struggles against traditionalists to make the priesthood more active in people’s lives), and Okoa (the son of the murdered Carrion Crow clan matriarch). While I liked all of these characters, I do wish they had been a little less dependent on archetypes (lusty sea captain, Chosen One, etc). Maybe things will change as they develop in later novels, but for now, they’re fun and certainly likeable in their own ways, but not mind-blowing.
Xiala is likeable in that she’s a hot mess with a heart of gold. She drinks, swears, and gets into trouble, all in the pursuit of earning enough wealth to make a living. She is also Teek - a member of a (rumored) all-female island clan, whose members have special sea-based magic. I liked Xiala’s connection to the sea and the way she communicates her people’s stories and cultural values. However, I do wish she was challenged a little more to want something more than material reward.
Serapio is an intriguing character in that he fits the archetype of dark, mysterious Chosen One. While I appreciated that he wasn’t a gruff loner (instead, he seemed eager to connect with people while recognizing that his appearance might unsettle them), I also think his backstory is a little too “edgy” for my tastes. His motivations were somewhat shrouded in mystery, which made it hard to know whether or not I wanted to root for him to succeed, but because he’s not a complete jerk, I found him interesting enough.
The connection between Xiala and Serapio could have been a lot stronger than it was. While I liked that they bonded over their “outsider” statuses, I ultimately felt like this was told to us rather than shown. Thus, when they kind of sort of “get together” later in the novel, it doesn’t feel earned. I didn’t understand what Xiala saw in Serapio other than his physical attractiveness and (maybe?) feeling like he didn’t treat her as a foreigner. While fine, I wanted Xiala to be more attracted to Serapio’s personal qualities, not just that he was nice to her. Same thing for Serapio: I didn’t get the sense that he had genuine feelings for Xiala personally, just that she was intriguing because she was Teek.
Naranpa, the Sun Priest, was an interesting figure in that she was caught up in the politics of the priesthood. While I liked watching her navigate the various setbacks and conflicts with traditionalists, I ultimately wish I had been given a more compelling reason to root for Naranpa to succeed. Trying to make the priesthood more hands-on and philanthropic is all well and good, but it felt too abstract. I wanted Naranpa to have more personal stakes - because she comes from the “gutters” of the city, is she more invested? But if so, how does she reconcile that with her decades-long absence from where she grew up? There was a little of that, but ultimately, I didn’t feel like I had a reason to want the priesthood to continue. I didn’t understand why Naranpa was so attached to the priesthood as an institution; why didn’t didn’t she cut her losses and go elsewhere?
Okoa is something of a late addition. His perspective doesn’t appear right away, but I think that worked out fine, considering when it appeared. Okoa is a warrior who finds himself torn between keeping peace between his clan and the Priesthood and joining a rebellious cult who wants to restore the old religion and seek revenge against the Priesthood for past trauma. While I think his perspective was important, I didn’t personally feel invested in this plot or Okoa’s dilemma. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t feel like the rebels were treated as having a real grievance; we’re told about the past and told that it was harmful, but because we don’t get the perspective of someone dedicated to the Cause, I didn’t feel like I could sympathize with it. Okoa himself is resistant, calling the rebels “cultists” and saying that though he understands their grief, he doesn’t want to support violence. Perhaps if Okoa felt threatened by the cultists, or if their cause was a true threat to the stability and well-being of the clan, then I could feel more involved. But as it stands, Okoa was somewhat wishy-washy, and I couldn’t quite understand the stakes to make his indecision feel justified.
Side or supporting characters were interesting. I really liked that Roanhorse included plenty of queer characters, including trans and non-binary/third gender characters who use pronouns like xe/xir. My favorite was probably Iktan, the head of what is essentially the assassin’s branch of the priesthood.
TL;DR: Black Sun is an intriguing fantasy with intricate worldbuilding and premise. While I personally felt like the inner lives of the characters could have been more developed and the plot more compelling, I think this book (and author) will satisfy many fantasy lovers, and I look forward to picking up the next novel in the series.
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quirklessidiot · 3 years
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I absolutely love how you portray Satoru in Minazuki, he really feels like canon!Gojo 👉🏼💕
Do you have any tips on how to write him? Especially when it comes to romance?
Thank you for loving minazuki!gojo he loves you too uwu This is a bit long ish but i hope itll help! (Sorry for the late reply i had to get my thoughts in order.)
honestly its a contrast to how i wrote him in pretty eyes, my soulmate gojo au and when you read it, you'll see how there he's a romanticist and he accepts the soulmate system (this was before i finished reading the manga), he has more emotional empathy there than he has in minazuki but hes still horrible at comforting people so he tries to just joke around in serious situations to help the reader out in her rough journey
minazuki, on the other hand, was more of a trial and error type of thing and putting gojo satoru in a scenario he did not want to really exactly be in.
So i start off thinking that if I wanna write gojo in a romance novel, i'll have to think first whether would this be an au where hes a human? Is he a ceo? An officemmate? Collage student? Or are we talking about gojo in the manga?
If were talking about trying to stay in character, it varies, are we talking about fan!cannons or how the author sees him-- i see that the personality gojo has in a lot of fanfics he comes off as a player/isnt very serious with relationships and loves to joke around and is rarely serious, this is how the fans view him.
Yet im not exactly keen on fandom!canons in my fanfics so i usually base it more on how gege-sensei writes him. U have to keep in mind, how canon do u want it to go? Aside from sweets, gege-sensei has mentioned that gojo would never have a girlfriend, geto is a lot more popular with women than he is, and that gojo absolutely has little to no care towards the weak. In shorter terms, if you arent on par exactly with what he deems as strong, he wont exactly mind you or if you dont have a strong personality, he'll most likely think ur just there. Jdjdjff you can read more about his character in the jjk wikia, its pretty interesting. (A good example would be the shibuya arc, gojo sacrifices the group of people there to get through his goal. I think if we look at certain philosophies what he did wasnt morally right. The man is a loose canon in jjk, hes feral)
Next you have to think what relationship he has with y/n or ur oc! This part gets tricky because ur oc sort of has to have a base to see how gojo reacts around that person.
Is that person feeble? Soft spoken? Unique? Is she physically strong? All that personality and traits are determinants if satoru would want to end up with that person bcos gojo has a hard time connecting with people who arent on par with him. His partner has to be someone who can keep up with him or he wont be looking at them in the first place.
you have to take note that when it comes to Relationship development, it doesnt exactly happen overnight. Itll have to take some time since lets be honest he isnt the type of guy to fall in love at first sight. He probably wont even know hes in love with ur oc until someone blatantly states out the obvious.
Lastly, just stay consistent. I think even if u write your own personality of gojo that isnt canon complacent, as long as hes consistent, he comes off more genuine and completely normal to stray from canon personalities since some tend to be too one dimensional or too confusing but if u make ur own personality and stick to it until the end, it’ll seem canon when it actually isn’t.
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