#but i can cook

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[bishy437]

he won

bonus:

#oi oi don’t steal my tags i see u 🫵 #svsss #mdzs #moshang #hualian #bingqiu #sqq u spoilt brat #binghe is def the best cook out of the three gongs i’m not saying this lightly #we know lwj can cook from the extras and i can only assume hc can cook bc the only thing he CANT do is write BUT: #xl enjoys cooking so ofc hc is gonna let him express himself culinarily #and wwx is a spice fanatic weirdo who wants to go live his m!lf dreams into the sunset #lwj will not get in the way of that #sqq however is perfectly content having bingmei cook his meals forever and never stepping into a kitchen #scum villian self saving system #scum villain #mo dao zu shi #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #wangxian #mine #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #wei wuxian #lan wangji #xie lian #hua cheng #shang qinghua #mobei jun

[marisatomay]

#be gentle with the site…let it cook especially if you’ve been on here for along time #if it takes too long you can always restart it #saw a poll about tumblr fame where the metric was follower count but since follower count is private the real metric we use on here is #how much interaction do your original posts receive #anyway! have at it! #also if you wanted to take the final Total Notes number and divide it by Posts Counted for your Avg Notes Per Post I would appreciate that #like when I divide my Total Notes by my Posts Counted I average 644 notes per original post allegedly

[joeyclaire]

i like how you can't look up anything on tumblr dot com without running into those terrible deeply heterosexual x reader imagines

#chit chats #i typed ''yes i do the cooking yes i do the cleaning'' and the first THREE results were that #at least use a readmore. at least use easily blacklistable tags. #come on. you can tag just ''x reader'' cant you cant you please please

[captainkirkk]

I want to see characters being taken care of in an explicit and worshipful way. Home-cooked meals. Hair brushed and braided by gentle hands. Little gifts just because.

I want to read about characters who are not used to kindness being bombarded by acts of service. This trope works romantically and platonically. Give me found family and acts of service - all the ways a character is wrapped up in wordless, explicit care after years of cruelty and having no idea how to handle. I need it.

#fanfiction #this is the 'comfort' part of hurt/comfort #but i want to take it to the extreme honestly #not just comfort immediately after a traumatic event #but consonant daily comfort! #being taken care of because you are loved always and unconditionally #this is the real reason why i sometimes read sugar daddy AUs even though i don't like them #i want to read about characters being SPOILED #this is also why i love the mdzs love interests so much #luo binghe is the ultimate worshipful house husband and i love that #my posts #you can tell i'm irrationally tired when i start getting tear-eyed over someone being cooked a meal

[tapakah0]

#cass fanart tag #I OVE THEM YOUR HONOR #Raph just casually taking all sleepy heads from bad and bringing them to breakfast #Leo CAN cook I'm sure not so good as Mikey but CAN #Donnie can't #*pffft* #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #future raph #future mikey

[asteraws]

my clown college grad project from december last year 🎪

#my art #oc #illustration #ok to elaborate a bit #its more of a circus/performing arts school but clown college is just easier and sillier to say so #i call it that #what da hell do i tag JFLDSKSFKD #im archiving a lot of stuff these days... #post uni burnout has been so real guys lol ill be taking a break from this proj but def wanna come back to it some day :3 #IN THE MEAN TIME THO... im finally cooking up another oc story omggg im saur excited abt it hopefully i can share some art of it here soon

[glo-shroom]

yes & no by Natalie Wee | Trigun Ultimate Overhaul

#THIS HAS BEEN COOKING. FOR TWO MONTHS #trigun #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #vash #wolfwood #trigun maximum #mine #edit #trimax #trigun edit #tw suicide mention #for that one line #and #tw blood #hopefully there's nothing else I'm forgetting #long post #i guess #pls feel free to critique me on the alt texts I've never done it before and would love to know what I can do better #but uhhh yeah otherwise. enjoy my baby. I'm very proud of this #I do however need to not look at it for a while now #so aside from the IDs if there are mistakes. no there aren't <3 #AND THANKS TO MY QPP EEE FOR LISTENING TO ME ENDLESSLY WORK ON THIS AND OFFERING ME INPUT AND CRITIGUE!!! <3333 #god. it's finally done #edit: btw I could write so much on my choices in this and what I'm going for and little details. but I leave it to the masses to interpret

[r-aindr0p]

✨Bon appétit ✨

#twisted wonderland #rook hunt #twst rook #twst shitpost #culinary crucible #craving pastries rn aah #torche au marron or kouign-amann are so good hjfjhkf #it’s canon every french person is cursed and can only bake croissants can confirm I cooked rice and got croissants #going bonkers every time there’s a new rook or idia card #and jp will have a rollo card soon I’m loosing it i need it

[cassette--punk]

Happy trans day of visibility he's finally fucking gone.

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #the murder of sonic the hedgehog #pride flags #feel free to use btw I can cook these up all day

[ssalballoon]

ljósálfr gale and dökkálfr astarion! 🦋🥀 bringers of dreams and nightmares

based on the hit mobile game fire emblem heroes. download it for free today! (Please Do Not)

a lot of notes on the designs under the cut, i had so much fun with these!

gale

- the eyes on the wings are mystra's

- the colors are based on his aurora stargazing scene

- he's based on the dream-king freyr, who takes human children in unfortunate circumstances and turns them into fairies that become "their most extraordinary selves" but can never return home. he feels guilty for intervening in their fates, but the ends justify the means to grow the power of his realm :-) he mourns the fact that humans stop dreaming (as in losing their ambitions) as they grow older

(feel like this is the type of thing god gale who's slowly becoming more like mystra would do and convince himself nooo it's completely ethical i'm being benevolent actually)

astarion

- the eyes on the yellow wings are cazador's

- one set of wings are yellow inspired by his longing for the sun

- the flowers are the same flowers on his grave, the garden star-of-Bethlehem

- he's based on the character plumeria, who's the bringer of lustful dreams and is disgusted by the humans who have such indecent desires. (she's one of the humans transformed/kidnapped into a fairy) she puts up a sensual front but hates the way people leer at her. nonetheless she must deliver those vulgar desires as dreams, doing a job she hates :-) all she wants is true compassionate love removed from lust... is this ringing a bell 

please don't let any of this trick you into believing feh has a good story. but also expect more feh x bg3 from me in the future lol

#i bestow my favourite characters with fairy design. thank you yoshiku for cooking these designs #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #bg3 #gale of waterdeep #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 fanart #my art #bloodweave #can i tag #feh #fire emblem heroes #i don't feel like polishing these also they're pretty old now so i've run out of steam (and i have no time...) #bg3 spoilers #under the cut just in case!

[jeysuso]

#valid reasons why i think eddie and argyle would’ve made perfect friends

#stedit #strangerthingsedit #eddiemunsonedit #argyleedit #eddie munson #argyle #tvstrangerthings #stranger things #joseph quinn #eduardo franco #* #listen i'll die on this hill #they should've met and that's that #and if there's anyone who disagrees i don't wanna hear it #it's a friendship i dream of #eddie's erratic behaviour with argyle's laidback attitude? please #answer to everything: get high #they also can COOK #eddie can cook spaghetti hoops #argyle can cook pizza #they're good with their hands #they both have great hair!!!!!! #they're both HOT #and also bonus reason: because i said so #💅💅💅 #mine #mine*

[eriochromatic]

Agares, duke of hell

based on that demonology post noting the similarities between buggy and agares...he’s gonna crown luffy pirate king frfr

#one piece #cross guild #buggy the clown #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #erio art #erio stuff #im so sorry idk who made the original post #sorry for riding ur coattails but u were cooking fr #also lmao can u tell i only know one type of composition #and i just keep doing that bc it hasn't failed me yet lmao

[3cosmicfrogs]

POV: you're Sokka and you're desperately trying to get to know the cute emo linecook from the restaurant next door but whenever he's on smokebreak his greasy stoner boyfriend is also there.

#artfromthefrogs #atla #avatar: the last airbender #atla fanart #zuko #jet #jetko #atla au #so you see the sokka/zuko/jet triangle im envisioning. do you understand my linecook emo zuko vision #can your little baby brain handle tracksuit wearing greasy mullet stoner jet. do you feel the toxicity of the jetko i am cooking up #hmmm i really enjoy stylizing things like this. like edgy lines limited palette. it feels really good! like i can communicate more

[batfamhyperfixation]

Jason: Ew, this tastes gross *turning to Dick next to him and holding it out to him* try it

Dick: What? No way, you just said it tastes gross, why would I try it?

Jason: fine *turns to Tim on the other side of him, holding it out* try this

Tim: *takes a bite* Yeah, disgusting

Damian: Oh please, Drake's a baby, let me try it

Tim: *passes it to Damian*

Damian: *Tries it* Eww, yeah, no, this is gross

Steph: *Takes it from Damian, trying it* makes me want to vomit, try it Cass

Cass: *Takes a bite* yeah no, please never get this again, you want some Duke?

Duke: Why not *takes a bite* Meh, it's not horrible, it's just not good

Dick: Well now I feel left out

Duke: *hands it to Dick*

Dick: *takes a bite*

Dick:

Bruce, in the background: *slaps his forehead* why are they like this

Jason: You wanna try Bruce?

Bruce, dad who feels bad when he says no to his kids: *pained smile* *through clenched teeth* Suuuure...

Dick: *hands it to Bruce*

Bruce: *takes a bite, spits it out into his napkin* Awful, truly atrocious, I'm going to sue, that was so awful

#they are all smart #but when put together they can be dumbasses #they go from like that big brain meme individually to like 2 braincells collectively when put together #im basing this on me with my own siblings #so i know this is just how siblings are #one is like this tastes bad then hands it to another person to try and that just continues til we all have tried it and agreed #but they are also biased cause they all have alfreds cooking regularly so they try something else and are like wtf #alfred spoils them rotten when it comes to good food #batfam #batkids #bat family #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #bruce wayne #incorrect batfamily quotes #it was gonna stop at bruce being like 'why are they like this' but then i was like... wait a minute #bruce is definitely the dad who cant say no to his kids #and the second part was born

[heynhay]

merry Christmas klancers 🎅

#I did the whole happy holidays art and I was like yayyyy I’m done I did my Xmas art #but um everyone looked like they were having so much fun w Xmas klance doodles I had to get in #klance #Voltron #vld #art #my art #Keith kogane #Lance McClain #I scheduled this at 2am but now it’s out im no longer abt to pass out I can dissertate in the tags #anyway I think they’d both be pretty awful cooks #like realistically a klance cookie making situation would be like #both of them oversold their cookie making skills and ended up in a contest (hunks the judge) for who could make them best #but they’d both suck. burnt salty raw awful etc etc #and they’d be beefing so hard like they’d take it so seriously #but for the sake of me wanting to draw cute Xmas art #let’s just say Lance is the slightly less horrendous cook and can make some cookies #there is no world I can reconcile Keith with the kitchen #I just know that boy feeds off instant noodles and unseasoned jerky