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yellowbluemoonshine · 1 year

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Relationship of Touya/Dabi and Rei

There are a lot of takes of how Touya loves his father and all and how different he views his mother compared to his siblings but i think his relationship with his mother is far more close to love than he ever had with Endeavour.

Touya was raised by Endeavour the most and they had training together, Rei most likely had to let this since this is the reason they got married. She raised Fuyumi more and Endeavour ‘raised’ Touya which is why Touya adapt a lot of problematic behavours from his father, just like Fuyumi who imiate her mother. Usually, little boys act like their father and little girls act like their mother and their relationship with opposite gender parent, usually affects the way they see opposite gender. As child, he viewed his family as normal, of course because most children dont know when they are being abused. They dont understand their parents behavours are problematic or not.

Rei and Endeavour’s relationship, she was never as his equal, even at start. She was a lot like servant and he was the boss. He would demand it and she would have to do it. Children look for authority figure and sadly, Rei is mentally too fragile to be that one. Most children dont respect adults who lets others to disrespect them (Not just children, most people do this, even they dont realize it.)

I dont think Dabi is woman hater or something. He was just child who refused to see problematic behavours of Endeavour, thats why he acted toxic, makes sense in his situtions. And he knows how woman are treated in this house and how Fuyumi and Rei kinda turn a blind eyes to issues and honestly him being abandonded because of Rei’s genes makes it worse, of course.Touya has this desire to please his father and he seems to disrespects his mother so you would think he loves his father more? I kinda disagree with that.

Touya viewed his father less like father but more like creator. He liked th special treatment he got from his father, children loves those things, he was special, even as a ‘tool’. He didnt know it better. He viewed himself as tool which is why we see him constantly trying to get his father’s attention. Touya doesnt even lash out to his father, like he did to other members of family so you would think he loves him the most, right? But actually, opposite. The thing about relationship is if you cant even fight with someone, it simply means you dont have relationship with them. Touya can get mad at his mother, not just because he disrespects him or just because he got mad but also because he can be angry. Respect doesnt always equal to love. You can respect someone because they are powerfull, because they are successfull. Touya is concious child, he knows how to get respect and be worthy in the Todoroki household. Touya aound Endeavour is a tool, is a failure but when he is with his mother, he is just a little boy. Which is why i think even he doesnt know it he is emotionally more clse to his mother. Children feel those things, the parents who actually care about them and worry about their problems.

Rei neglected Touya and some of her children. She got into marriage for the purpose of making children. She was pressured but she made a decision. She let Endeavour to raise Touya and let him abandon Touya and make more children. And every time she made another kid, she had to take care of them one by one which is why you shouldnt make babies whom you cant take care of. She turned a blind eye to her son’s pain. I mean especially Touya who literally train by himself for years. Literally burning himself, not making any friends, having growth spurt and not growing since then, and his hair change.....Literally every sign of his story is full of child neglect.

Yes, she failed them but she didnt mean to do any of this and i think she really didnt have much choices. She is responsible but not completely. Just like Touyai she was mentally loosing it since the beginnig and they are even parallels. They both lost their mind because of Endeavour. They both treated as tools and thrown away like trashs when he doesnt need them anymore and lash out to Shouto without meaning it. They both mentally ill and lost connect to their family and many other things. She acts like she is equally bad as Endeavour, not because she actually is but because she feels guilty for not doing enough for her children. She deserves more empathy.

And all of them know this. Touya also knows this. He knows that his mother care about his well being more than Endeavour ever will. Which is why he can get mad at her for failing him. Even the scenes when he gets mad at them shows the difference the way he called them. He calls his father as ‘Todoroki Enji’ and ‘Endeavour’ because he views him less as father and more as ‘hero’. Meanwhile, his mother is stil his mother because it is his mother. She acts like one, unlike Endeavour, she actually acts like a parent.

Touya know his mother is victim and made poor choices too and he has empathy for her too which is why his first instict after he woke up is going back home and apologise to his mother and others. Not from Endeavour but others. Especially his mother because the thing is he didnt mean to say those words. He was child and got mad and lash out. But he doesnt actually see her as equally bad as Endeavour. He knows who should be blame really well. Just like Shouto and others siblings.

Even after he became an adult, never once he target Rei and his siblings. When he made that broadcast, his pov is a lot like Earlyroki, He is telling people that Rei is victim, he avoids talking about his siblings as much as possible. He avoids making people Rei as guilty as much as possible. Only person other than Endeavour he mentioned is Shouto, he talks like himself and Shouto as some kind of object and he does remind the viewers that Shouto was abused by his father. The one who should be blamed is Endeavour, not other members of his family. Dabi avoids them because he know they will get in away, his feelings will get in way so he avoids them, just like when they ignored his pain when he was a kid. Karma.

Dabi still loves them and this is why he has to avoid interacting with them so he could continue his suicide plan. Dabi still loves Rei too. He wants to go home and he wants to adress the issues between them. Because before everything, even they didnt spend much time together, the answer is obvious. Him viewing her as mother tells what he really wants. He wants to forgive her and be forgiven by her so they can be family again. this is what he really wants. I hope it happens.

Same for Rei too. Touya’s death broke her more than anything and he clearly wants him and her other chidlren to get best in life. Even they dont forgive her, its fine for her. She feels so much guilty for failing them and ready to be better person for them and for herself too. Biggest hint of this is Shouto's coming to hospital became the start of her healing and Dabi’s broadcast became the reason she stand up, even talk with her abuser. Its almost like missing pieces she lost finally connecting together. What she truly needed was just her children. Not to mention she seems to be shocked and recognize her son Touya before he mentions his real name, unlike certain person, lol. How ironic that her reaction is opposite of Endeavour. Facing Touya made endeavour runaway as possible and avoid the problem while seeing Touya made Rei stronger and encounter the problem.

Problem with Rei is her treating Touya as the problem to be solved but she and whole Todoroki family should handle the Endeavour problem first so then Touya and everyone can heal too. I persnally think Touya’s interaction with Rei is more interesting than Endeavour. Instead of wishing Dabi unrealistically forgiving endeavour, depsite fact that he broke his soul (This is what happens when you idolize your abuser, in most situtions, you feel nothing for them at the end). I would like to see him and his mother forgiving theirselves so they can heal together. They both deserve empathy really. Touya also will still have issues with Rei and his family but i hope at the end, they can handle all of it together.

#todoroki touya #todoroki rei #dabi #mha meta #bnha analysis #endeavour #todoroki enji #tw abuse #endeavor #todoroki family #tw neglect

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kkusuka · 3 years

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HQ Middle blocker kinks <3

@xxxxtanaxxxx request hq kinks but middle blocker version please 🥺

I'm gonna be honest i wasn't gonna do this buuut here it is

i have a setter one in the works and here is the ace version!

here is the setter version <3

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsuro, Suna Rintaro, Satori Tendo, Taichi Kawanishi, Issei Matsukawa, Takanobu Aone,, Shoyo Hinata, Lev Haiba Shugo Meian (MSBY captain), and Yutaro Kindaichi

Mentioned female anatomy, but mostly gn

content warning: consensual non-con, humiliation, public sex, exhibitionism, voyeurisms, degradation, bondage, sex toys, cockwarming, edging, soft priamal/prey, mentions of house break-ins, pegging, size kink, overuse of the word Daddy, face fucking, hickeys

i think thats all?

buckle up, this is gonna be looooong.

Tsukishima Kei

Degradation

This is a given, my mans has a mouth on him, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE IT

He says the most vulgar things in your ears (and you love it)

His nickname for you is Cum-dump, and he calls you that so much that you’ve started to respond to it. “Hey, Cum-dump! Come here” “ok Tsukki”

And when he’s cumming? A slew of insults just come out

“You whore, oh, you fucking cum-slut, you’d let anyone do this to you won't you”

And it's not limited to this!

“You're just a hole”

“You only exist for me to fuck, Right? You're just a glorified fleshlight”

“You're only good for sucking my cock”

“I should just leave you chained to the wall so I can fuck you anytime I want, that's all you're good at so you should love it”

It won’t even be only during sex

You could literally be just studying with him and he’ll just lean over and say “ you want to be fucked right now don't you? In front of all these people, I bet you’d love it Cum-dump”

Humiliation

Goes with a dirty mouth

He’ll flip your skirt while walking in front of groups of other students

He purposely sucks hickeys where your uniform does not cover and then laughs at you because you're just such a slut.

One of his favorite things to do is have you wear a vibrator in school, only on days where you have to do something in front of the class

No worries he has the remote and turns it alllllll the way up during the middle of your presentation, you just look so cute all red!

He’ll make it better!!

You can cum in front of the class, let everyone know how much of a whore you are!

Purposeful neglect

He wants you so horny you can’t think

If that means not giving you attention for FIVE DAYS so be it.

No touching yourself and if he finds out you did he’ll ignore you for longer and you don’t want that do you?

You will wait for him to touch you.

He’ll also just ignore you.

No begging, he doesn't care, he doesn't want to hear it.

Don't touch him, stop being a brat or you won’t get off for a whole week.

Bondage

It's all about control <3

Having you tied up and immobile is the best way to show how little you are.

He’ll tie you up and put you on the couch with a vibrator and just watch movies, unable to rock your hips

This seems cruel but he’ll tie your hands up and make you eat dinner with just your mouth <3

He’ll make you watch tv with a ball gag in

He’ll have a riding crop in his hands when you study and he’ll hit your little clit/silt with it every time you get a question wrong

Kuroo Tetsuro

Pet names

Literally any kind o endearment, but mainly switches between Kitten and Baby Girl/Boy(i am swooning right now)

He WILL call you these in front of people and out loud in public

He’s called you them in front of your parents in front of Kenma in the middle of the grocery store.

So you're wondering, why does that matter? People do that all the time!

Well, he calls you them so you remember how he completely ruined your little body and how his cum is still dripping out of you <3

And its cannon that he has a sexy voice, and it drops and gets deeper when he calls you them.

Thigh highs

It doesn't matter in you have the biggest thighs ever or just a bone, if you wear any kind of thigh highs (bonus points for Cat ones) he will be ready to bust a nut

It's not only him that gets off on them, especially when he takes them off

He’ll climb over you and use his teeth to pull them down to your feet and he’ll kiss and bite his way back up to do the other one.

He also will sometimes leave them on to rail you into your bed, when this happens he puts your legs over your shoulders and squishes his head between them.

(kuroo loves thighs, and that's that)

Caregiver

He's taken care of Kenma all his life, and you bet your ass he’ll do it for you

This means he gives the best aftercare you could imagine, I’m talking bubble baths

He’ll cook for you in nothing but an apron, and he’ll tease you when you get all flushed and cute!

You had a bad day? He’ll eat you out for hours until you’re all cuddly and tired.

He’ll fuck you slow where you need it and he’ll kiss all the pain away <3

He just loves having you dependent on him makes him so happy and thankful to have you!

Threesomes

Mainly for Kenma, but he let bokuto have a turn and even convinced Tsikki to give it a try!

He really just wants to show off that you’re his what better way to show you off then let some of them get a taste of something they’d never have.

Favorite position for this? Split roasting/ Eiffel towering

He's the one who you're sucking on, and he’s so far down your throat making him suck you deeper and deeper until you’re drooling all over his balls like a good Kitten

Whoever he sharing you with would be in you following whatever Kuroo tells them to do

Rub your clit? Yes Sir.

Faster. Yup

Slowdown Kittens being bad so she doesn't get to get off <3

Suna Rinatro

Purposeful neglect

Just like Tsukki, he wants you hot and bothered all the time

He will just sit around and scroll on his phone while you’re whining :(

Just let him watch this video and he’ll get you off!

Will never tell you but you just look so cute, all needy and horny for him.

Sometimes he’ll slip you a libido pill and just watch the world burn.

He will wait until you have ruined whatever shorts you’re wearing (and he’ll take them) and THEN he will help his poor needy baby

Cockwarming

Almost every time he games, he puts you on his dick

you already know it’s happening when he takes the controller out

He says it's because he doesn't want to “leave you out”

No moving on him though, if you8 move it could distract him and you do not want him to lose, losing means being pounded into the floor until you can't think, then being ignored the rest of the day “horny sluts can sit on the floor until they need to be used”.

But if all goes well, he’ll go soft in between rounds and will suck on your neck and will let you cuddle into him during the rounds

But when Suna if feeling a bit more adventurous he will put his headset on you and fuck you with all of his friends listening

And if that's not bad enough they all clearly know what’s happening id Osamus soft coo’s and Gin’s little comments (but it's not like they want it to stop anyway)

Edging

Will literally just do this out of nowhere

You thought you were finally gonna cum, then nothing

HE WILL just do things for hours to see you cry and begging or him to just let you cum

He’ll stick four fingers in you and bring you to your climax and just leave you on the edge

He won't even have a reason, you were being good, you let him play his game and he does this?

Que pouty bby

Video/Photography

We all saw this coming-

But he takes it a step further than just having a photo collection of you

He has a personal private story with just you in it where he put videos of you riding him or sucking his dick fo you to “see how slutty you are”

that's not even it, he sends you a picture of you naked in the middle of work, with no shame either

Thus one time you were showing a coworker a shirt you had bought and he texted you and the picture showed up. It was awkward for the next few days.

But these don't even compare to how he has an entire Instagram account (private of course) of your nodes and videos of the two of you fucking.

One extra little thing is that you both watch porn together for ideas.

Satori Tendou

(i could make him a post of his own-so so many kinks for Satori)

Humiliation (mentions of pee)

This can range from calling you names to making you touch yourself in public

He’s called you a pillow princess in the middle of class, in front of your teacher

It had gotten so bad they Ushijima had to ask what a “cum-dumpster was” because Satori had called you that in front of the team.

He doesn't even introduce you as his S/O, hw=e would call you an escort or that you were just his personal fuck toy.

This kink goes so far that when you were on a double date with Semi, under the table Tendo had his hand literally in your pants.

**One of his favorite things is to make you hold your pee in until you are almost peeing yourself, isn't that embarrassing that you're a grown adult who’s about to wet yourself?

Overstimulation

He wants to see you a complete mess all over him

The main goal of all of this is to make you squirt or begin to have dry orgasms

He will not stop until he’s happy or you say your safe word (which is rare)

One orgasm just isn't enough for him :/

And it's a big boost of confidence for him!

he‘s proud to know he can make you cum so much you cant even think!

Dacryphilia

This AND overstim?

Good luck

He can't even explain why it turns him on so much.

You just look so beautiful with tears streaming down your face all fucked out

It always hits him at the worst times too, you crying over a bad grade? A pretty tear falling over your soft cheeks. Hard.

Just watched a sad movie, he’s ready to pound you into the couch.

Anal

Oh ho ho

This can be one of two things, he does it because it feels good

He does it as punishment

That means no lube

No adjusting to his dick

And no extra pleasure to help you get off

He’s so mean </3

Taichi Kawanishi

This man screams pornstar

Public sex

This man is unstable

You could just be walking in public and he just decides he wants to fuck.

Who are you to stop him?

Just let him get this out real quick you can shop later.

Exhibitionism

The thought of being in the open? This man loves it

And you don't really have a choice but to love it

Every time you go to the beach he just has his dick in you, in the ocean sitting in his lap while eating lunch

He doesn't even care who sees

Children? Who cares, look away or whatever

Getting caught

It doesn't even matter who it is

If someone walks in when you're doing it he’s cumming

It's just hot

He doesn't need to explain it to you

he also makes u take nudes and had them as his homescreen for a while

Issei Matsukawa

I’d let this man kill me-

Leather/ latex

LEATHER GLOVES

He wears them when he fingers you so he can make fun of how wet you made them.

He dresses you up in these pretty little pastel dresses (gender to heel, he doesn't care, you look hot weather your a boy, girl, or not) and he wears all black (goth daddy Mattsun) and his gloves to fuck you in his leather-covered fist.

That's not even it

He has an entire bin of different colored chokers and leashes just for his pretty baby

Along with that, he has a shelf of latex thigh highs for you to wear and even has an entire outfit for you to wear and show off to him.

Ddlg/b/n-Lifestyle

This is why he has a lot of things that you wear!

He loves to take care of you all the time!

He loves to make his baby food and love to watch movies with you

And you love him so much too!

You would do anything for Daddy!

And he takes you shopping and to restaurants, and if you want literally anything big or small all you have to do is look up at him with puppy dog eyes and a “Daddy, please!!” and boom his credit card is already out.

Size kink

Big dick Mattsun-

This all comes back to the fact that you are so beautiful

And big dick little hole, who doesn't love that??

He sure does, don't worry though he always makes sure to prep you

Except if it's punishment- he doesn't like it he swears! He’d never want to hurt you!

And you’d believe it until your crying on his cock and it throbs ://

But if it still hurts, and it does, he’ll let you go your pace and sink all the way down onto his cock<3

Fun fact the first time he went into your ass he tried to with no lube and you couldn't sit for DAYS

Voyeurism (receiving)

Makki Makki Makki

I would say he was into Cuckolding but its always him doing the watching while Issei fucks you

And Makki loves it too if his constant praises and coo’s said anything about it.

And Mattsun just gets off on the fact his best friend is watching something he’ll (maybe if you're not into it) never fully have

Mattsun also likes having you tied up an watching him fuck a fleshlight of just jerking off

You look so pathetic :)

extra for big dick mattsun, he Shows all of his friends <3

I am a whore for the Seijoh 4

You bet Makki has an entire folder of pic of you, whether they are of you dripping cum or just with your legs open.

Even if he says he doesn't save them, you know Iwa has gotten off you a recording of you moaning and asking for Daddy’s cock

And Oikawa is always asking for more (the little manwhore), he says they are “references” for him, liar, he jerks off to them in his bathroom.

Takanobu Aone

It's always the quiet ones-

I just gotta get these first two out-

Consensual non-con

I can just TELL he like to pretend to break into your house

Pretend you're so scared and you don't like it

Tying you up and listening to your little cries, awwwwweeee

You were just too pretty to ignore

Just let him have a taste, stop crying he knows you want it just as much as he does

Primal/prey

He wants to feel like he earned his reward

A perfect little trophy for him to use as a toy

His dick in your tiny dripping hole is all the reward he needs

It's like you're a pretty innocent bunny and he’s a big fox just waiting for the right time to strike :)

Soft sex/ praise

I know what I said up there

But none of that means he doesn't love just setting you down on the bed with candles and rose petals and just making love

Soft music in the background and worshipping every inch of your skin

You need to be vocal though!

Tell him how pretty he is when he cums, and how perfectly his dick fits in your hole!

Tell him how soft he looks and how he is making your nipples feel like heaven.

Aftercare- bc I am also soft for aone and he is a good guy

Bubble baths and chocolate

Movies and cuddling

All of this makes him so glad that he found you

Especially when you cuddle into him all sleepily and tired.

Shoyo Hinata

oh he is so pretty-

Mutual masturbation

It's the perfect way to experience pleasure

He can see you in all your glory

All of the faces he sometimes misses when he’s fucking you!

He also learns from it!

He sees the angle your fingers go to hit that sweet spot so the next time he’s in you he knows where to aim!

(he is so precious-)

Pegging

You wanted to try it so he almost immediately agreed-

But it felt good!

The two of you reserved what one you wanted so the one he picked was almost made for him.

Plus, you look ridiculously good with the strap on-

And he voices that as much as he can!

And sometimes when he rides the strap he just watches it going in and out and in and out

(you also think this is SUPER hot but won't tell him :/)

Riding

It doesn't matter if it's you or him

Watching you fall apart on his cock without him doing a thing makes him cum harder than anything

Sometimes he gets so excited that he comes before you and makes you stay there until he’s hard again, which doesn't take long at all.

when it's him?

he’ll go for hours just to hear you tell him how good he is and how pretty he looks

Lingerie

Especially pastel babydolls

But nothing you wear could ever make you look bad in his eyes

Ok he likes it when you keep the lingerie on too like he’s fucking you and you till have a little nightgown/crop top on

Lord he will BUUUUUUSSSTTT

Lev Haiba

Size kink

Unintentionally too

He didn't even know it, but he did know that he liked that you were so much smaller than him.

He likes to put your hand to him and just look at the difference and before he knew it he was painfully hard

On the occasion, he makes fun of you saying his dick is just too big for you and you can't handle it, but then you get on your knees and he shuts up real quick

Praise kink

A given

He wants to know how good he makes you feel at all times

It doesn't have to be words either!

loud moans explanations of pleasure all drive him to move faster and faster!

Even yelling “oh god!” gets him off

He makes you feel that good huh?

Wall sex

Just playing on the size kink thing

He loves to just pick you up and fuck with reckless abandon

Gets a way better angle too- bet you didn't think he would realize that

He also likes to watch the combination of your juices drip to the floor-

Shugo Meian (MSBY captain)

Sexiest team-

Daddy/ Captain kink

Just look at him, he screams Daddy louder than you do when he’s fucking you

He takes pride in being Captain meaning he’ll fuck you for hour if the word even falls from your lips

And yes you have said it (daddy) front of the team and he did get hard, and the both of you did fuck in the locker room of the gym for an hour before you got kicked out

Even in arguments you better call him daddy, he will stop and fuck you into the ground for it

Angry or not you WILL use his title

Spanking

Will threaten you with this almost everyday

He just uses it as an excuse to touch your ass

He makes you count after each one and makes you thank him

It would look a bit like this

“Five! Thank you Daddy!” “Good Baby, five more”

But that doesn’t mean when you really deserve it that he won't unleash the wrath of god onto your poor ass

But after he’ll kiss it all better and Daddy will reward you for taking your punishment well

Controlled orgasms

By this i mean that you wont cum unless he says so

And you have to ask

Aka “Daddy please let me cum, I really want to”

And depending on what he’s feeling maybe you’ll get to cum then

And if not you’ll have to wait like a good Girl/Boy and cum when he does, which could late literally forever.

but its better than disobeying his orders, which could lead to him completely pulling out and just jerking off to cum on you :((

Deepthroating/ Face Fucking

Nothing is better to him than coming home to you on your knees and mouth open and ready

But when he’s all pent up from practice and he sees you?

Rip your throat, you aren't talking for a few days

He’ll literally fuck your face no question

He’ll put his dick so far down your throat you could feel it in your stomach

Yutaro Kindaichi

Hate sex

He just makes everyone angry

And he gets off on it

You look so fucking delectable all red faced and angry

Makes him want to just slam into right then and there

Dom/Sub

Clearly he wants to be in control

Controlling someone is just such a turn-on for him

Looking all pretty doing exactly what he wanted you too <3

Hickeys

Wants to show off that you are his

What better way than marking up your neck with pretty bruises

Plus he likes how you get all shy when people look at them

2K notes · View notes

soft-boi-eli · 3 years

Text

Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgry (part 2)

Tw:swearing, mentions of surgry, softness.

Karl

This sweet ass man.

You are just laying on your bed, well sitting really, when he came in.

He had a fuck ton of balloons. And a large box.

Karl seemed like a child on christmas.

Placing the balloons down he handed you the surprisingly light box.

He was gently bouncing as he waited for you to open it.

It shocked you how it even fit in the box.

It was a huge frog bed.

You realized with a pillow you would be able to sleep in it perfectly.

"I knew it was uncomfortable sleeping like that so I got something that should make it a bit more comfortable."-karl

You loved it.

Sadly you couldnt use it till those drains were out though.

He was right though that was definitely more comfortable then laying on a bed only.

He didnt think it through though. And got sad when he wasn't able to fully cuddle you.

But he found out that he could lay on your lap and legs.

You both enjoyed it.

Also he might be a bit squeamish when it came to your chest drains but he was helpful with them.

He helped you clean them and your wounds, he was very, very gentle.

He didnt want to hurt you.

"You know it's ok to do it a little harder. It wont hurt."-(y/n)

"But I dont want to hurt you. I know this doesn't hurt."-karl.

It was sweet. But got kinda annoying sometimes when he couldnt get something off. But he never got angry or frustrated. Just kept very gentle.

I imagine that when he was cleaning your new scars, Jimmy came to see if you got his balloons and if you doing good.

You two were in the living room bowl of warm soapy water, in a large plastic bowl, and karl gently wiping off all of the crust around the scars.

You fell asleep before karl finished and karl was finishing up when jimmy came in.

"Karl. They're alseep."-jimmy

"Yeah but this needs to be cleaned. It doesn't hurt them."-karl

Jimmy and karl literally just sat there till you woke up.

You thanked jimmy for the balloons and thanked karl for helping you clean those wounds.

Karl didnt mind though. Cause this sweet heart cares for you and just wants you to feel better and feel comfortable.

Quackity

He loves you and all but dont expect him to help with the surgical sight.

He'll do everything for you except clean your wounds and drain those drains.

He loves to hug you and kept you warm.

He would stream but you were always behing the green screen so no one would see you.

"Alex. Can you get me to book I left in the living room. I feel like shit still."-(y/n)

He was very quick to get it. And I mean he bolted out got it and brought it in the span of a minute. He gave you a light kiss on the forehead, and whispered.

"Anything for you mi amoir."-quackity.

You gave him a smile.

"Simp."-(y/n)

He gasped offended and looked at you.

"Well only for you though."-quackity.

I imagine as a get well gift quackity would get you something to remind you of him when he streams.

Large duck push.

He knew that his streams could last a long time so he decided it was best if you had a snuggle buddy to help you stay in position.

If the duck got dirty he was cleaned nearly immediately by quackity.

If the duck falls off the bed quackity gently yeets it onto the bed where you can reach.

He might of gotten jealous of the duck a few times. But he seemed to get over it when you went to hugging him instead. Sadly it wasnt that easy to but still none the less you gave him hugs too.

Dont neglect you quack boi.

He needs hugs like you do.

Give them to him. These are the only times you get cuddles. Other then that he is making food, getting you comfy, and fixing your pillows and shit like that.

He is now a maid.

Not sexually though. He just cleans the house, get you things you need, and makes food.

He is helpful.

Just not with the cleaning process of your wounds. And that's fine. He keeps you comfy and that's all that matters.

Also if your cold in the middle of hot ass summer and asking for more blankets he would look at you crazy. Like what the fuck?

But you have them lightly fluttered over you.

He wants you comfy. Even if that means you looking like your boiling alive in the middle of july.

If your happy he's happy. That's how it goes

Badboyhalo

Badboyhalo?

More like dadboyhalo.

He is not going to let you do anything.

Your surgical incisions? He's cleaning them.

Your drains? He's got you.

Your getting alot of soup and smoothies. He even joins in on your so called diet so you wont get jealous about what he has.

Rat is all over you. Sensing the pain you were having and cuddling you completely. Your laps is almost always taken by rat.

Badboyhalo doesn't really care if rat gets alot of attention by you. He just wants you to be comfortable.

But sometimes he gets sad that he cant fully lay with you.

But he enjoys just sitting with you and talking through the nights you cant really sleep.

He gets you a stuffed cat, you use it mainly as a pillow and sometimes hug it when bad is streaming.

"It reminded me of you when I saw it."-bad

Your heart melted.

He loved your reactions to the little sweet gesters he did. It brought him joy to know you were able to relax and trust him at this moment and time.

You get a free swearing pass. He knows you hurt really bad at times but he lightly says language when on stream.

You understood though. He had kids watching too.

You were grumpy one day, bad took rat because of a rat cam stream. And all you wanted was to be warmed up by something else then a blanket.

You were sittinging there looking at bad as he streamed.

You could technically get up and grab rat but he my tell you not to.

So you quietly patted your lap.

Rat immediately seemed to notice and run over to you, jumping onto the bed and laying in your lap.

You felt accomplished and tired so you fell asleep.

Rat leaving made the chat confused but bad explained that you were healing from a surgery.

Chat wished you a good recovery and told bad to go and comfort you. Even though you were asleep.

He tried to explain it but the donations kept yelling at him.

So he ended stream and laid next to you and rat.

This was comfortable.

Eret

Eret, they were a whole 'nother story.

This fabulous being is like a maid service in one.

They have two outfits they wore when you were upset.

A maid outfit and a butler outfit.

You just got home, you were in pain, sitting up and swaddled in blankets and Goose was trying to smother you at this point.

Eret was streaming and you were sitting there in the background, blankets, pain, and goose exsiting.

You didnt know eret was talking about you because you were falling asleep. Eret nor you expected what their followers did.

Her door was bombarded with packages addressed to you. Decorated with words about getting well soon, that they were proud of you, even some saying you were their rolemodle.

Eret decided to have a stream of you opening them.

Let's just say alot of them were food, candies, even foreign food and drinks. Someone made you a homemade blanket in the trans colors.

Best part about that blanket, it was heated.

You were using it immediately as you were freezing.

Eret just chuckled and rubbed your shoulder as you opened them.

Needless to say they are proud of you, happy that you were one huge step closer to who you were.

All they wanted was your happiness.

Niki

She's a sweetheart.

Need I say more?

Well I will because fuck you I can.

Constant cuddles, be it only her head in your lap, it is almost always happening.

When you have to take your pain meds she is instantly on it, do you want soup or a smoothie? You cant decide? She'll make it a surprise.

If you dont live with her then you're staying with her while you are recovering. She doesn't want you alone when you are in pain.

You'll be bedridden until she thinks you're okay.

If she deems you as not fit for doing something she's on it. Drop you glasses for reading/drawing/writing/typing. You bet your ass as soon as she heard that clack and you groan she's picked it up and it's on your lap.

Also makes sure you're good with streaming.

If you say your good with it that day it's a calm stream. There is no lore happening when you're healing everyone was fine with that due to the fact that niki would have to sit out and the lore was with her as well so that couldn't happen.

Will came to visit...

Saw you, took pity, and now you're stuck with two people showering you in affection and comfort.

You saw Wilbur as a brother. And wilbur saw you as his younger brother. So he literally felt the pain when he saw you wince.

Niki thought it was cute and comforted both of you.

Anyways she saw something before your surgery and decided that you needed it.

It would make you feel better.

It made you laugh.

You regretted laughing but loved the hoodie.

It fit so well and it was beautiful, you also were thinking about buying it one day because you could.

But niki beat you to it.

Wilbur didnt stop laughing.

I mean who blames him.

You literally just Yeeted your tits. And niki got you something that said yeet right on top of it.

It worked perfectly.

Also when niki's not cuddling you zuko is.

End of story, you're seriously stuck with cuddles no matter what. Be it from an animal or a human.

Wilbur wont cuddle you more of give you head pats.

Niki normally streamed with you there with her unless lore stream.

So when the second day after your surgery, she had streamed, and you weren't there her chat started asking questions. Wondering if you were good, if something happened.

That's when you raised from your dead sleep, zuko falling off your stomach, shirtless, just to go grab some sock as your toes felt like they would fall off.

Chat seemed relived but started questioning the binder and all that.

Niki explained that you got top surgery and that you were healing still.

"He's looking like he wants to die right now. Are you sure he's fully okay?"-dono

"Yeah I'm good. Just stubbed my toe as well."-you.

Niki was quick to rush over and help you back to the bed.

"Just sit down I'll get you your water hun."-niki

She was quick to fill your bottle up and place it next to you on the table next ot the bed.

She's such a big help not matter what honestly.

She loves you and will do anything for you.

I am sorry this took so long. Just had a very unstable mental state. Also sorry if they seem oc. I'm once more not on a good mental state and have been trying to work on this.

So yeah if I dont post in a bit I'm so sorry just stressing alot. Insomnia is kicking me so hard.

My grandma broke her foot, she's all good though.

And I have taken up most things in my house as I live with both my mother and grandmother still.

But yeah I apologize for the break just gonna try to let myself get better. It might take a bit. It might be quite short I dont know. I just need to get more sleep.

Eli is very tired now. Bye.

#karl x reader #niki x reader #eret x reader #quackity x reader #badboyhalo x reader #mcyt x reader #mcyt fluff

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances. (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good” Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased, then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right? If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #GREAT EPISODE #satisfied paper #final season #Part 1

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angelvibezluv · 4 years

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Astro Observations 6💜

Whew this was very long but hope you enjoy it and actually read it. These are just my experiences,observations and what I've learned about the signs recently/ already knew.

🌌I'v noticed opposite rising signs have a very strong attraction. Those are usually the relationships that have a mutual give and take, you do this I do that. The two will obviously see life from a different point of view but they will still have respect for one another. It's a very beneficial relationship.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

But sometimes the two can end up seeing things too differently depending on other aspects and cause major disagreements.

🌌For example a Cancer rising and a Capricorn rising. The Capricorn rising has the ability to bring stability and practicality into the Cancer risings life. The Cancer rising has the ability to bring out the creative and emotional side of the Capricorn rising. They both can help eachother with the things they struggle with.

🌌Cancers actually enjoy going through emotional experiences. It's almost fun to them. Since Jupiter is exalted in Cancer and Jupiter rules experiences it would make sense as to why they enjoy "emotional" "experiences". They enjoy learning from those experiences and most likely cherish them.

🌌Capricorn moons are business women point blank.😐

🌌But for real capricorn moons like to spend there time developing and improving whatever they're working on. To the point where they sometimes might neglect their family and friends because they can become so focused on it.

🌌Capricorn moons also go through the most trial and tribulations in life. It's the hard knock life for REALZ. Annie was probably a cap moon. Sabrina from Chilling Adventures of Sabrina was probably a cap moon too. At a young age they're usually told not to cry or to suck it up or they're being too emotional. Now that I think about it, they end up becoming a parent figure to their friends and sometimes even people older than them because their level of maturity is so high regardless of the sun sign.

🌌Pisces moons DO know they can be too nice and easily manipulated at times. They're completely aware trust me. They just cant help themselves they really care alot for people but can be blinded in the moment to the point where they let people use them. They appreciate when others know that aswell and dont use that against them. They'll love you forever for that.💜

🌌You know your talking to an Aqaurius👽 moon when they stare into nothing, or dont even seem like they're engaged in the conversation. It's like they're not there.. somewhere else in their mind. They also say random shit all the time, like out of pocket shit :/ just to see how everyone reacts.

🌌Libra placements talks a lot, like a lot. The letter a and lot. Alot. But I enjoy it, you guys can keep a conversation going for ages with literally one topic.

🌌Not sure if I'v done this one already or not but Pisces really do escape one way or another from this reality, and it's not necessarily a bad thing because they can use art and music to create their own world. The adults/young adults 9 times out of 10 smoke weed, or have their secret stash.

🌌Pisces Mars usually have some kind of artistic skill or creative outlet. It helps them to release the tension they hold in all the time. It's good for us 💜.

🌌Cancers can be VERY aggressive. The scariest people that went to my school were Cancers, mostly the girls. Idk what it is about them. I think they have this mentality of I have to protect myself I cant be seen as weak and soft. You dont want to fight or argue with these people they might kill you🥴 no.. seriously 😐

🌌But then noticed that they always wonder why people think they're so mean because they know they're super sweet it's just the way they come off.. kind of defensive and aggressive.

Same goes for Capricorn Risings and 8th house stelliums. Maybe even pluto in first.

🌌Scorpio risings = intensified eye contact and never ending do you really know me game.

🌌I'm sorry but Scorpios swear they're the baddest and hardest mfs ever.... sorry to break it to ya Scorpio your not your actually the so sweet just hug me back damn😭

🌌Ok but for real Scorpios will pretend they dont care but deep deep down I you know you do Scorpio I can see it. They're just slowly plotting against you, waiting for your downfall, waiting for you to make a mistake so they can laugh. I imagine the typical villain laugh or the hysterical "Haha stupid bitch" or the "why would I be mad :)". The embodiment of Karma. This is for suns not too sure about moons, I dont really know many but let me know scorpio moons if this how you feel too.

This was not scorpio slander. I absolutely love scorpios. Please dont hurt me scorpios. I am just a virgo with glasses.

#astrology #zodiac #zodiacsigns #cancer #capricorn #rising sign #pisces moon #pisces #aquarius moon #aquarius #scorpio #i love scorpios #libra #sunsign #moonsign #pisces mars #AstroObservation #astronotes

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aliensunflower-fics · 4 years

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In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

#its just me #ml salt #ml sugar #adrien salt #adrien sugar #alya salt #alya sugar #chloe salt #chloe sugar #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #class salt #class sugar

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thermaflute · 4 years

Note

Can I have a creepy yan todoroki drabble? Maybe some somnophilia if it's not too much?

Hope ya like it, I'm actually kinda proud of this one lol.

Yandere!Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Warning: noncon, somnophilia, general creepy touching, 18+ pals

He was surprisingly still playing this game with you and lying to others about your relationship. He didn't understand why you needed to lie, why you couldn't be honest and say that you two were in love but he went along with it for you.

This is where his stability lies, on the assumption that your kindness transcended an ordinary friendship. Sometimes reality would wash over him and he'd realize that his feelings are unhealthy, but most days he simply played your "game". It was one sided of course, but he would never admit it.

You had decided to have the movie night anyway despite working a long shift. As expected, you fell asleep. He never seemed to mind, as it was perfect for viewing you. The way your body slumped into the couch, the light of the dull movie on all your features, he was so in love with you. A small ache would form inside of him, a need to touch you. He just wanted to observe, he didn't want to ruin your moment with his hands. But the pressure would become so much.

He moved closer to you on the couch, hoping to satisfy the need, and it did until it returned even stronger. He moved closer to your body, allowing himself to touch your skin. Your hair smelt like a distant memory, a memory that made his insides feel like honey and razors. He wanted to banish the feeling but the only way to do that was to continue.

It was sickening, the way you looked so innocent and sweet. You trust him so much, you would just fall asleep next to him with no fear in your heart. He doesn't think he's ever meant that much to anyone, and you mean so much more to him. He continued to inhale your scent and let his hand softly explore your body, as if he was making a mental map of every dip and curve. He was going to be sick, he had too much of you, you were too open. He could touch you, and you would let him because why else would you be so kind and vulnerable to him.

His hand caught in the hem of your underwear as reality set in. He wasn't supposed to be doing this, it wasn't supposed to get this far with you. Every week he would come over and do this, he wanted to stop but he physically couldn't.

His therapist was right all along, he had this obsession with love to the point where it was revolting. He wanted you to fix every little broken aspect of him with your kindness, and he just wanted to give you every bit of himself in return. You already accepted so much of him. You stayed with him when he was a crying mess, you put up with him when he was too numb to even look at you, you were so loving.

You did everything in your power to help him get better but he would constantly indulge in your endless kindness. He's done nothing to deserve this from you, yet here he lays, above you with his hand in your pants. You never woke up from this., he likes to imagine that you're awake and you want this as well but just don't know how to say it.

Your sleeping form begins to stir, your breathing irregular even in your sleep. Your face seemed troubled by what was happening. His hand didn't seem like enough anymore, he wanted to stuff you and watch where your body meets his. He wanted the unity, something that would make him feel whole again.

He stopped. Staring at his hand with a mix of love and disgust, strings of liquid attached to his fingers. He puts them in his mouth and he almost dies, he cant imagine how heavenly it would be to have unrestricted access to you. You taste like his dreams and he would rather die here than wake up to the reality outside of this moment. He moved back to his place on the couch, and sat there watching the movie play while he thought about you. Mind somewhere between your beautiful smile and his dick twitching inside of your exhausted body. He didn't want to play anymore, you guys weren't friends. You were lovers, soulmates.

You moved up slowly as the credits played. Shoto appeared to be watching them intently but you could tell he wasn't paying attention at all. Your body felt warm again, you hated how you'd feel this way every time he came over. Your underwear was slick and you felt aroused, all while poor Shoto watched the movie by himself. You cursed yourself for having such a lewd reaction to his presence.

"I'm sorry Sho, work has been draining me and I keep falling asleep on our movies." You completely got up, adjusting your shirt and feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"It's alright, I rather you nap than neglect your health. I also just enjoy being at your place."

"Really? Well you can stop by whenever, I showed you where I hid the key already so just make yourself at home. I trust you."

"I'll definitely take advantage of that offer, but I have to go for tonight. Thank you for inviting me y/n, same time next week?"

You nodded in agreement, "yeah, same time! I might invite a friend from work next time though, she really wants to see my place."

He looked at you with heavy discomfort, anxiety started to build in his heart. He didn't want to share these moments with anyone else. This game was for the both of you.

You saw the familiar discomfort in his eyes and you quickly took back what you said, assuring him that it can be just the two of you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your plans. I just don't feel really comfortable with others but I can try if it would make you happy?"

"Oh no, it's fine. I don't want to push you, I'll just invite her another time." You said it with an innocent smile.

He thanked you for understanding, but was still incredibly unhappy with anyone coming over even if he wasn't there. He said nothing on it, telling himself he'll figure out a way to ruin your plans later. Maybe a fake emergency will suffice.

He left your apartment with a wave, feeling the loneliness and guilt take over the further he got from your place. His composed demeanor sunk into a disheveled one. He felt tears threaten the back of his eyes as he opened his sisters contact. He needed to come clean, someone had to know what he was doing. He eyed his phone as he stood on the empty street. A confession of crimes listed in text, he wondered if she'd be able to look past his misdeeds and help him.

He knows that if no one stops him, he's going to hurt you. He wants to, and he hates himself for it. All those dreams of being a hero, a good person, comes crumbling down with you. You give him catharsis, but you make him so needy for things he thought he could never have. The constant fight between wanting to run to you and wanting to run from you. The solid feeling of a relationship that fades into the reality of nothingness. You're his soulmate, your his friend, you're his victim.

His fingers hovered over the send button as raindrops hit the screen. It started lightly then increased until it was massive drops against his skin. It almost felt like your warm touch, a sign. Maybe you wouldn't hate him. Maybe you love him back. He deleted the message and put his phone away. Turning around and walking the way he came from. Your house was closer anyway.

#yandere mha #yandere bnha #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki

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mirror-juliet · 4 years

Text

Hard Time {Hongjoong X Reader}

know this is late but i procrastinated again. I sowwy

Requested by anon

Warnings) teasing, hard dom, bondage, punishment. vampire gloves, wartenberg wheel, nipple clamps, spanking paddle, degration, orgasm control, edging, slight mention of blood from bondage toy

Seonghwa had invited everyone over for dinner at his place, not only to hang out, but to also discuss the next comeback on the horizon. You always come to these dinner's with Hongjoong, not only to keep him company and visit with the other members, but Hongjoong likes to show you off.

But tonight you had something up your sleeve. The talk was getting too boring and Hongjoong wasn't giving you the much needed attention you so desired. Who could blame you? Attention is what you thrive on! And Hongjoong was neglecting you to talk with his best friend. So you may have taken matters into your own hands and started playing footsie with Hongjoong's penis from across the table.

You also may or may not have sat right across from him for this exact reason.Hongjoong takes a quick glance at you to give you a sign of warning. One that you ignore and press harder into him while talking to Yunho like nothing is wrong. In fact you and him begin to take selfies together. Though, your attention is brought back to him by force. He slammed his foot into your toes that are exposed by your heels, so hard so that you have to bite your lip to stop from yelping out in pain.

Hongjoong scratches his eyebrow in your direction, another warning sign meaning "Behave" You would, but how could you when you're having so much fun feeling his bulge grow steadily from underneath your foot.

"If you would excuse me, Seonghwa." Hongjoong steps back from the table, Choking slightly on his own spit, but no one notices it besides you. "I need to use the gentlemen's room." As he walks away, you're sure you're the only one who see's it, but your lips quirk upward as you see the thick erection through his pants.

"Is Hongjoong okay Y/n?" Yunho asks, face laced with concern. "He looks a bit flushed, i hope he isn't running a fever." You cant help but coo at how concerned he is for his leader, patting his head for his comfort.

"I'm sure he's just gotten a hot flash, it is quite warm in here after all." Seonghwa hears this and offers to turn the air on, but you gently decline, saying that you'll be fine.

After five minutes of radio silence form Hongjoong, you were starting to get concerned yourself. Usually by this time he would have texted you to get your ass in the bathroom."I'm gonna go see if Hongjoong is okay." You excuse yourself from the table, going to rasp gently on the bathroom door.

Instead of a verbal answer, the door is thrown open and you are yanked swiftly into the bathroom like a scene out of a snuff movie. Right before the main character is killed. You catch yourself having these thoughts, they're so strange to have in this situation.

The look on Hongjoong's face has you concerned, not to mention the mess he has his hair in, pushed back and in every which direction besides straight. "Baby, are you oka-""Look what you did!" He whisper shouts as he pulls his pants down hastily to show a painful erection standing tall and proud, drooling precum down the head"You are such a fucking brat! Fix this. Now." Hongjoong pushes you onto your knee's giving you a moment to pull away if you really wanted to. When you show no sign of resistance, he slips himself into your mouth; grunting in a euphoric and beautiful way.

"Jesus fuck bitch. Fuck, you're gonna make me yell if you keep up your mouth like that." Hongjoong pushes you off of him and rapidly pumps himself like a jackhammer. One wrong move and he'll break his penis. With a small grunt Hongjoong finishes into the toilet."You don't deserve to eat my cum, you're a bad girl." Hongjoong sighs at the release of pressure on his lower region. He tucks himself back in and pulls you up off the floor.

The both of you go back to the dining room like nothing's happened with a suspicious look form Jongho, but no one else. As you sit down, you press up closer to Yunho. The poor boy flushing bright red as you pull your shirt down to show your clevage. Yunho takes a few moments to look, but then quickly averts his eyes and swallows a few times.

"I hate to be this way." Hongjoong stands up and walks over to you. "But i'm not feeling too well. Is it okay if we go home a little early?" Seonghwa quickly swallows his drink and reaches out to Hongjoong."Yea, no problem. I'll text you the details Feel better man." The both of you say your goodbyes and grab your coats to head out to your cars. On your way out, you notice the smirk Jongho has on his face, raising his glass to you right before you leave.

The car ride home was filled with silence, leaving you to soak your panties with dangerous thoughts floating through your head. He's going to punish you no doubt, a sickening sweet smile plays across your lips. Oh how sweet that sounds to your mind. It wasn't too long of a drive though thanks to Hongjoong's speeding.

It takes him mere seconds after you exit the car to grab ahold of your wrist and drag you up to your house and into your bedroom. Not even bothering to let you take your shoes off."I'm going into the bathroom, now when i come out you had better be undressed and on the bed. Do i make myself clear?" You nod your head, crossing your fingers behind your back; you're already in trouble so why not make it worth your time to be underneath him. So you take off everything except the baby blue lingere set you had on underneath your clothes, hoping it would come to this.

Ten minutes is what it takes Hongjoong to get out of the bathroom, clearly have taken a shower and freshly shaven. By the look in his eyes as he looks at her, he's less than pleased."I thought i told you to get undressed. So why are you in that?" Hongjoong doesn't bother to put a shirt on, letting his sweatpants hang dangerously low to his v-line.

"Not even gonna answer me? God you really are just a spoiled brat huh? Cant even follow simple orders." He stalks up to the bed. "So now you're gonna get treated like a selfish brat."Hongjoong kisses you hard, chasing after your lips and you chasing after his own. He tangles his fingers in your hair and grinds against you. His other hand keeping yours at bay from touching him. He pulls back from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting you two. His eyes grow soft and he chuckles.

Then he moves his hand in your hair down to your face, squeezing your cheeks so your mouth opens. A glob of his spit trickles down into your mouth and he expects you to swallow it.

"At least you're able to do one thing right, Stupid girl." And there's that smile again, the soft one that really isn't. Then he does something that has you gasping in shock. He ripped your lingere off completely, completely ruining the garment. You'll have to worry about the price later."On the ground, on all fours." Hongjoong commands as he sits in the chair across the room, crossing his legs and thinking about his next move.

This is like a game to him, you're both on a different team, yet the same coin, merely just different sides. And it's his move, you used all of yours up at the dinner party and now he gets to use his that he has delicately been saving up. He needs to calculate the next move and then strike. How childish this is, to think of it at as a game, Hongjoong thinks.

He uses his fingers to beacon you forward, he smiles again as you obey rather quickly on all fours still. He's going to have so much fun watching you squirm for him. He's already taken care of himself twice tonight, once with you and the second time in the shower. So he has no need to use your cunt other than your torture.

Once you get close enough to him, he positions you sideways in front of him with his feet, then using your ass as a foot rest. Scrolling through his phone while he waits for you to get tired in this position."You have twenty minutes, try not to move too much." Your eyes widen, twenty minutes on the hardwood? On hands and knees?

As time passes you grow more inpatient, trying not to move to much but you cant help but sway your weight to one knee at a time. Occasionally Hongjoong will dig his heel into the small of your back to get you to cease movement."Hongjoong. It hurts~" You whine and it's like music to Hongjoong's ears, But you still have ten minutes left and he's not done taking pictures of you yet.

"If it hurts that bad, use the safeword." He barks, feigning annoyance at her whining. With a few more pictures and liking a few posts on Instagram he tells you to get on the bed, pulling out the cuffs to tie your hands to the bed with, snacking your tits a few times.Then he goes to the spare dresser you keep in the room for all your toys for the bedroom. Hongjoong takes his time browsing through the items, picking out the right ones that will reach the itch he has to punish you and make you cry out in lust. Then he see's it, the one toy he's been dying to use on you and blood nearly goes to his lower head.

You watch as he puts the spikey Glove on the edge of the bed, pulling out another pair of cuffs, attaching your ankles to the cuffs on your wrists."This my little brat, Is called a vampire glove." Hongjoong says as he slips it on, the spikes reflecting light into your eyes."So you know what it's used for?" You shake your head no, truly not knowing what the use of it is. Maybe to leave scratches along a sub?"Spanking." the word leaves you scared, not truly, but the kind of scared that is unsure of itself. Hongjoong is notorious for spanking hard, so what would the gloves do to your poor ass? You shiver thinking about it.

He doesn't leave you much time to process the idea of blood being possibly drawn when he pulls his hand back in the air. You clench your eyes shut right before the impact and leave a yelp at the pinprick feeling on your ass, feeling something trickle down.

"Who would have known you're so prone to drawing blood little brat." Hongjoong comes up to you before continuing, kissing your forehead and breaking his dom complex for a moment."I'll be gentler." And his next swing is more gentle, not going deep enough to draw blood but still breaking skin. The blood that does come out only comes in tiny dots littering across your cheeks.

Even with him being gentler, the glove still hurts, enough so to bring tears to your eyes that fall down your cheeks. It most definitely is a punishment and not one made for you to enjoy. Hongjoong gives you a two minute time out before he moves onto the next toy-The wartenburg wheel, also not one of your favorites for what he always does with it.He rolls the spikes over the puncture wounds, allowing you to cry even more at the pain, but not painful enough for you to use your safeword."I wouldn't have to do this if you were a good girl." Hongjoong argues. "But since you were a brat, this is what happens."

"I know, i'm sorry sir, it wont happen again." What a beautiful sight you are in this state, crying, begging, unrationally thinking in hope for a climax or some sort of pleasure to combat the pain. He feels a little softer than he did earlier, so he lets your legs down and allows you a moment to cry and calm down from the pain. Hongjoong strokes your face as he admires you, you're so gorgeous and perfect for him, the missing piece to the twisted puzzle he is in his mind.

"I think that's enough for tonight darling." Hongjoong makes the decision for you as he see's you aren't calming down enough. Sure you seem fine but he knows with another punishment you'll go into a sub drop. So to the bathtub you go in his arms. He cuddles you and washes you in the tub, pressing his hips to your head; making sure you know you did a great job. Also telling you how beautiful you are.After the bath he puts aloe on your bum and dresses you in some panties and one of his shirts, taking you both to bed.

#ateez smut #ateez hongjoong smut #Ateez hongjoong #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez seonghwa #ateez aesthetic

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scarsmood · 3 years

Text

Mental Health and Otherkinity

This is my panel I did today! enjoy! it’s the script

My name is scar im apart of a system of 4, I am mightyenakin from pokemon. Trans ftm and very queer. We have a lot to go over so lets jump in.

Today I want to talk about my experience with being psychological kin. Talk about how this has shaped me as a person. How the community handles psychological kin as well as the greater outside world. So lets get into it. Otherkinity has been in my life ever since I can remember. From the age of 3 I can remember feeling non human and having alters that were also non human. I’ve also found for my life and my experience my mental health and my otherkinity are two things that have wound themselves together. I can never look at one without the other are both play a critical role in my identity.

I can say as psychological otherkin right now I stand at an interesting intersection of my life where I have the most freedom I have ever had and dealing with the worst trauma I’ve had to face. I recently got out of a bad long term relationship of something I had been in for 7 years. I can say the events I’ve lived did and still do directly impact my identity and change how I see myself.

for me I cannot explore my otherkinity without exploring my trauma and mental health

these two parts of myself are closely woven together. DID is a product of trauma and it’s something that rules over my life daily.

It is something I don’t just accommodate it is a way of life for me.

For the past 3 years I’ve been in intensive therapy going at least once every two weeks. At one point going twice a week, completed an inpatient and outpatient program. Needless to say I have been fortunate enough to not be in a lot of debt. However I would like to think that these things have helped me immensely. With the background talk out of the way lets get into how these things have shaped my identity.

A little bit about me. I am diagnosed with DID or dissociative identity disorder. This means my identity is split apart between alters or alternate personalities. If your unfamiliar with plurality I can say with confidence that can be its own talk but heres what you need to know.

• My alters are distinct each having their own morals, ideals, life perspective, lived experiences and memories separate from my own.

• We all share one body like roommates share an apartment space

• My alters are a result of trauma I experienced during my life. Each of us hold our share of trauma so imaging trauma is sandbags instead of 1 person holding 100 pounds of sand we have given 25 pounds of sand to 4 alters. Which is much more manageable.

• My alters including me were shaped from the environment they came from

· Alters also share an inner world where they can interact with one another. This also a place where I can easily my identity and how I view myself internally.

Some others fun things about me is I have some mild psychotic symptoms. Since I’m in my early 20’s they’re pretty manageable at the moment I am always keeping an eye out for them worsening though. These things include hallucinations visual, auditory, touch, smell, taste. I also have a weird mix of beliefs that can mix into delusion territory but aren’t damaging to my life and therefore cant really place a good label on them. So I consider them delusional like but not the same experience as a true delusion I believe I could very much be wrong.

my first identity shift was when I was a child about 3 years old was the first time me as an alter became prominently separate from our host. It was apparently at that time I was non human and a hyena. I looked like a hyena from lion king roughly no character in particular and acted as a companion/ friend.

When I got a bit older at 4-5 my identity shifted once I moved and left behind some family. I changed from a hyena to a pokemon. If I could guess I would say due to a pokemons inherent loyalty. My identity became a mightyena a wolfish hyena basically and the codependency that pokemon carry also carried over.

I was depended on to be support for our host and to take care of them as a friend and caretaker. We experienced neglect at the time and this was reflected with my identity. I was a creature that was supposed to stay with someone forever basically giving a comfort we were missing to our host so they could continue functioning. I would say my identity changes based on my environment and is sensitive to my environment all the time

depending on what I experience I see myself change and adapt because of how sensitive we are as a system trying to adapt in the world around us. I often think if my identity isn’t shifting a little it might be a sign of trouble and us shutting down being unable to adapt and change.

When I was 5-6 it changed to its own species a threatening wolf. Which it stayed until a few months ago. My identity as a threatening wolf changed a lot I had spikes then got a sword tail then was able to breathe fire, my size would shift and change, my tail length and ability to move it would change. Teeth, eye color, would all change depending on my environment. For example when I was deep in abuse with my ex I gained the ability to breathe fire suddenly as a needed adaption to scare them away. My eyes turned red to look scarier. I got bigger. This all happened internally as my ex was able to interact within our system in our inner world. Which is a terrible idea by the way don’t be an idiot like me. Which was why I needed to look scarier as a way of protection

Lately I have been healing from trauma and now that my ex is gone so is a lot of pressure to defend myself so I turned back into a mightyena which is much more defenseless but much truer to how I see myself in a safe space. Im sure if trauma happened again I would shift back to a threatening wolf as a means for protection. When it comes to plurality labels I fall under protector and host we are pretty integrated though so we have grown out of most typical labels due to how functional each of us are now.

This concept of a changing identity is taboo in otherkin communities

usually we are lead to believe when we were kids we have always been one strict animal for our whole lives and just now learning about it. this animal never changes it is static unchanging and we simply learn about it as we grow up. My experience has been wholly different. My animal and my identity changes based on my environment it can be subtle or drastic. I never evoke or ask for the changes they simply happen and I have to adapt to the new way I see myself. Trying to apply my identity to the common otherkin rhetoric gave me a lot of grief as a teenager

when I was about 13 because I would discover something about myself say breathing fire or growing in size and be ashamed because I knew these changes were not “typical”

as an aside I think this notion that my experience is atypical is also false. I think this is fairly common but a lot of otherkin just handle it in a way that flows with the static concept where we learn we have a new kin type but still also have the old one, we learn something about our kin type that totally shifts it but connect it back to our old kin type, we find new features, personality traits or experiences that now define our kintype that were never there before and newly discovered

Otherkinity is about self discovery and how it’s essentially chasing a dragon. Literally. We will never fully know our internal identity no matter how closely we look into it. there is so much that we learn and how to weave into our identity otherkintiy is as much of an art as it is a science when it comes to self reflection. It’s just like any other aspect of ourselves we can create labels for our sexuality and they work but they don’t capture 100% of what you experience theyre a short hand for others. I find that otherkinity is this concept on steroids. I find my identity to be a much larger part as it impacts everything including my sexuality it is more prominent for me so trying to put it under labels becomes increasingly difficult.

How are we supposed to create a short hand for who we are? All of those moving pieces inside of us that shape our perspective, experiences, how we interact with people, how we love people, how we go through day to day life, and we are supposed to just say something like “bear therian” what if it changes? What if we have quirks that our outside of this label? When I first joined the otherkin community it was pretty frowned upon to change your identity. You had to be a wolf therian, you had to be a dragonkin. Once you picked a label that was it. your locking into your identity if you didn’t you weren’t taken seriously.

Ableism in the otherkin community

I question as well if this correlation between identity stability and maturity/credibility is ableism. Usually I noticed when I first join the therian and otherkin community there was a push for “not looking crazy” so as to not get bullied further for identities. I’m sure anyone in the LGBT community knows trying to please people making fun of you really doesn’t work. There is a prominent fear of seeming to outsiders as if were roleplaying or kinning for fun which seems to be a whole other topic in and of itself. My personal experience has lead me to the conclusion that these people are going to come at you regardless of how often you shift your identity, how seriously or goofy you take it, how analytical you are with your identity whether you write essays or one sentence it does not change the views of outsiders.

Endels, clinical lycanthropes, and other nonhumans who have mental illness-based identities face a similar ableism. It wasn’t until earlier this year, 2021, when the connection between mental illness and nonhumanity was finally accepted by the greater community. But even still, Endelic communities are more often treated as a novelty; not something to be taken seriously as an identity, just something “interesting.” Mental illness, especially psychotic disorders, aren’t pretty or tame, and the greater nonhuman community appears to subtly enforce this stigma. Werewolves are monsters, and the greater community spares no feelings in reminding us of this, with such unwelcome words my friend babydog’s met as and I paraphrase a quote here from my friend baby dog “you’re welcome here, but you should expect people to uncomfortable about your identity as an endel or question your endelity. I dont personally believe people like you should be part of alterhuman communities.” End quote Many of those who are part of the greater alterhuman community are still concerned about respectability politics, how we appear to outsiders, rather than being concerned about how inner-community members are finding their welcome. Arguments like “But, clinical lycanthropy was previously used as ammunition against all Otherkin! We’re playing into anti-kin’s stereotypes!” isn’t an excuse anymore, because throwing your own community under the bus isn’t acceptable anymore. We want a higher standard in this community than being driven by shame that makes us hide members of our own community. It’s much better to stand with them.

Lets also take a moment to acknowledge these actions stemmed from an act of seeming more credible and not “crazy”. I’d like to say also that the stereotype of crazy doesn’t exist when we think of crazy we think of someone whose mentally Ill and struggling to function. In reality these people have an untreated mental illness or going through an episode that’s only one aspect of a person. They do other things with their life including myself. I write poems and go out with friends but if someone only judged me at my worst and lowest I would fit into this “crazy” stereotype. Its not fair for us to judge people based on actions they cant control. Based on trauma or brain chemistry people are more than that I think can agree.

we should be understanding with these people treating them as whole people not just one descriptor. crazy is really just a derogatory name for someone with a mental illness. So to avoid being crazy means to avoid any signs of neurodiversity people view as abnormal. Or signs of nonconformity with nuerotypicals

-endels still face ableism typically in the form of being treated like a novelty and not really being taken seriously. Endels are still getting called interesting a lot) and it makes them feel like a specimen within their own community. I’m sure those who suffer from mental illness understand how degrading it is to be looked at as some sort of test subject or lab rat. I think as a community we can do better and be more accepting and open to all forms of otherkinity. Shutting down this kinda of language would be great for endel otherkin.

-endels are still having to deal with other community members who use psychotic/delusional/etc as insults or jokey words. These words are derogatory and insulting they shouldn’t be said as insults or jokes there are plenty of other words that could be used and it pushes endels and otherkin with psychotic symptoms away from the larger community. Using this language shows an ignorance to the ableism still alive and active towards endels.

-none of this helps internalized ableism!! All the actions described above only reinforce internalized ablism. This creates a combative and toxic environment for endels and otherkin with psychotic symptoms. It would be in our best interest as a community to help bring down ableism and be more aware of what were saying and to who.

Some things to keep in mind

-treating psychotics like they cant make their own choices is not ok/ thinking for them

-insults and jokes using derogatory language is triggering and alienating

-treating psychotics as lab rats or something to gauk at as “interesting” is demoralizing and takes away someones individual power as a person. Its hard to have an identity and a voice if everyone is busy staring at you like a lab rat.

What about the internal side of the otherkin community? I found when I was apart of the therian community this was a more prominent problem and still is in some corners I wander into. Otherkinity also holds some ableist views but from what I’ve seen not to the same intensity as therian communities. This I would say is a cultural difference from a new age of therians that took over the internet, p-shifting cults, wolf packs, and some forums for therians were intense I know previously therians and otherkin identities didn’t have to much of a difference besides animalistic tendencies or a way to further define an identity. Once this shift happened it became more so about earthly creatures or animals based on earth. earth mythics, animals that exist present day and extinct, and plants as well. I’m not an expert of the history of otherkin and therians so I would direct you to house of chimeras and who is page for more information over it gladly. If im wrong please correct me. That’s my understanding. This shift to earthly animals also carried a sentiment or notion of being more “real” than otherkin that I often experienced in the wolf packs and forums. Since they’re identities were based on “real” animals it made them more valid otherkin. An easy question I asked often or others would ask was a simple “why?” and the response I experienced a lot was “so were more credible/ don’t seem crazy” this was 8-9 years ago which was at the time the height of otherkin hate. It came across as a borderline phobia to be seen as an antikin steriotypes which were ableist stereotypes to begin with. some of these communities in reaction created ridged and strict cultures of how to be therian. This would leave an imprint on many people including myself.

so that was 8-9 years ago why do I bring it up? Because I still see this sentiment present just subtle.

Some things I feel were carried over is: Overly present and specific about kin types, an obsession with details and intricacies to a degree where its no longer beneficial to learn, embarrassed or shamed for certain kin types, a focal point on kin type tendencies and ignoring or pushing aside human experiences to further pronounce a kin type. A fixation on the past and not taking into account of the present, always centering around the past. I would say these behaviors in the community were influenced from the wolf pack cultural shift.

These are a remanent set of reactions from a more intense time of grilling, questioning and if validity was questioned your title could be easily taken away in close knit communities. I think the otherkin community still has some skeletons in the closet so to speak of a more intense time that a lot of members endured and witnessed. We passed on this culture, myself included as we grew up cause its how we learned to present our otherkinity. We can unlearn though and I think it’s time to push for more freedom and new ways to take on otherkinity. a larger problem I see is a fixation with the past which once it gets to a certain point I don’t think can be constructive or healthy. Exploring your past is good, gaining context for your actions and your background is good, but living in the past is not healthy. Reshaping how you live in the present by escaping to the past isn’t really healthy. I find it worrying how common it is for otherkin to not tie their humanity and the present to their identity. It hurts to say, it can be uncomfortable but being human is apart of our experience. Now my therapists always say “never damn a coping skill” if looking to the past and living in the past finds you comfort and it keeps you stable that’s ultimately a good thing your staying stable and keeps you functioning. I urge though for people to start to take the time to explore humanity with our otherkin identities and living more in the present. How your identity effects you right now. How people interact with you and what you can do to tie your otherkinity to the physical world to the present. I think it’s a balancing act ultimately trying to find a sweet spot between the past and the present. Not completely ignoring your past and only staying in the present or only living in the past and neglecting the present. Its not easy and something im actively working on myself.

I want to highlight the present cultural imprint the wolf pack phase in present day otherkin communties and how new otherkin members seeing and reacting to it. we as older members may not realize how impactful our words are and may not notice us carrying an imprint of the past with us. Here some quotes I picked up. I asked a few friends their experiences who had come as otherkin in the past 6 months. I was also able to get 1 anecdote anon from my tumblr after sending out a request earlier today they are also pretty recent. Here what they had to say. These are all anonymous.

“(tumblr)My experience was pretty good! The community is super open and friendly, or at least the side of it I'm on (idk about the fictionkin side of it which might be more controversial/full of discourse).

It was easy to get into which is good because I was super scared about it 😅” “(friend) the whole community is

scary, for me at least, mostly because some of the older grey muzzles seem really intimidating and cliquey

the discord group im in seems like really cool to me, they are all super nice and helpful but the rest of the community is super scary for me”

“(friend) [when asked about getting into the community] it's weird to me, it really is.

I've spent a good chunk of time just like

wondering what it could possibly mean to be "valid" otherkin

like, who's judgement is that? mine?”

My Take on otherkinity

Im telling my story because my mental illness causes me to fall into an undesired or taboo identity categories or stereotypes of otherkin often. I find instability, identities that are less material or easily relatable, signs of mental illness with otherkinity. Are swept under the rug. I’d like to change that and show that instability, less relatable, highly specific or vague identities are just as valid. My experiences can be something of an uncomfortable truth for some that otherkin can be cringy or be easier to target from outsiders. I ask to everyone that has some reservations about accepting more diverse identities to consider how beneficial these new perspectives bring to our community. These identities give a perspective and voice we are missing and is needed. It’s beneficial for our community to be heard fully so we can support and help everyone. Endels may have a perspective other therians/otherkin may not have considered before. the wider range of experiences about our community that we share the better. It gives us the tools to make the community even stronger.

I would say overall psychological kin are extremely diverse and no experience is going to be the same. Its difficult at best to say anything that all psychological kin experience because the definition is so broad. We all have unique and diverse stories and I’d like to encourage everyone to share them even if they show mental illness. Things like Delusions, trauma responses, trauma sourced, episodes and regression. I would love to see more inclusivity for the messier and less understood part of psychological kin.

So lets get into some of my specific experiences. my identity is messy at the moment as my brain seems to have an interesting understanding of what a mightyena is. It has 2 images instead of one

These two images are houndoom and mightyena. Both of them I see myself as but are the same entity. My brain cant see the difference between the two as an identity at the moment. So theyre both “mightyena” its quirks like this that I think should be seen as more acceptable in the community because its messy at best. It has made me on several occasions go “that makes 0 sense” but from a trauma stand point it doesn’t surprise me

my brain has trouble picking only one. If my 5 year old or 3 year old brain attached itself to both images and called them the same then well that’s it im both of them at once. Brains don’t tend to work very logically and while it sounds confusing I would say it probably feels similar to having 2 kin types active at once. The two identities don’t blend (ie mightyena wolf hyena doesn’t breathe fire while houndoom does. ) I experience a range of both identities at once. They’re both mightyena it just so happens that image that’s associated with houndoom is present when something happens that only that pokemon could do or associated feelings or states. I would say theyre 2 different kin types except if I say I have a houndoom kin type I don’t think of anything and don’t feel anything. When I say I have a mightyena kin type I have images and feelings from both. They also cant seem to be separated both images and associations need the other. Its interesting. Its very funky. The wonderful world of trauma. Could probably make anew label for that but that’s alright im not one for labels.

I experience something I call m-shifting which is really animal regression. It’s called m shifting because I was previously in an p-shifting cult where it developed it. it’s uncontrollable but I can start it or trigger it if I want to. When I go into an m-shift I cant understand English, read English, walk on two legs well, speak, or know basic things most people would know. My brain goes into instincts and impulses. I don’t think critically or contemplate much. My thoughts are in images and feelings. Its fun. But its difficult to control, I find it’s a way for me to relieve stress in excess when I cant seem to find a good outlet for it. this is part of my identity is what makes me relate to the werewolf community so much since its involuntary and frowned upon generally to greater society .(aka internalized ableism) One of my biggest fears is shifting in public or with friends. It’s hard on me for sure.

Another thing that effects me is coping linking as someone who deals with trauma I have found lately I’m starting to create involuntary coping links. I had a brief coping link as a sled dog its purpose was the personality of a sled dog was something I needed to be at the moment to stay functional and coherent once I learned to do that without my coping link it went away. I notice myself having brief coping links on and off each of them usually teach me something or a skill I couldn’t fully understand yet.

I experience false memories. My memories change depending on my identity. I don’t force or make them change they simply do.

they hold the same narrative throughout all the changes though. The narrative from what I understand seems to be a re telling of my trauma. My false memories don’t seem to be a major part of my identity and I think I may have them simply because of p-shifting cult trauma and the pressure to have a past life or noemata. I think my false memories are a way to retell my trauma in a form that gives me validation as an animal. I do know seeing myself as human in memories is inherently triggering for me as I cant recognize myself so a set of false memories that lets me see myself in those situations as an animal is comforting and validating. It helps me evaluate my trauma better and understand why I feel the way I do about trauma. A dog that looses its molars would be distraught while a human doesn’t really care if they get wisdom teeth removed. Evaluating trauma through an animalstic lens has helped me immensely. I’ve noticed the more I evaluate and see my trauma through an animal lens the weaker my false memories become and I think that’s neat.

My perspective of the world also changes as my identity shifts

I see the world differently as a mightyena than I do as a threatening wolf. Objects, people, environments and habitats have different meanings to me and associations according to shifts and how my identity changes. These associations and meanings are ones that either I had when I was a child, or ones I repressed due to being childish or something I didn’t see as acceptable at the time. So my identity now has a wider range of perspective. My threatening wolf perspective toned down a lot and let the repressed associations and meanings take a more dominant role.

Another thing that effects my otherkinity is when it comes to species dysphoria I would say it’s a large factor in how I experience otherkinity. I would say my otherkintiy is something very based in the present. I don’t think about my kintypes past, I don’t think about its future or let my mind wander off a lot about whats going on with it. I am usually observing it in the present moment. A big part of that is my species dysphoria which tells me a lot about what I am. I’m trans female to male though that’s debatable as im considering a gender to my kintype. Human gender dysphoria is something that bothers me a decent amount. What has sent me to therapy though is species dysphoria. It is unbearable for me. I have fangs, a tail, a collar, wolfsbane pendant for mythology about werewolves, pointed nails, short hair thicker hair to resemble my kin type. I had to learn how to make animal vocalizations like growling, snarling, whimpering because I felt incredibly stressed being unable to emote properly. I learned to walk on all fours and run as well. I learned to play and move like an animal mostly from m shifting but it helps immensely. Getting on T has helped a lot as I got furrier, deeper voice, thicker hair, generally able to gain muscle better. Overall has helped my species dysphoria. Its something I’ve always had that brings me immense discomfort. I’m planning to make a prosthetic muzzle to wear and possibly some ears.

This dysphoria is apparent when you see me on the street cause im wearing a collar, tail everything I can’t hide my otherkinity because it triggers my species dysphoria to much to hide it so I just have to roll with it. the census? Its really not that bad being out or showing im otherkin. It’s a good conversation starter and most people are friendly about it here which has been nice. I do get asked if im a furry I usually say yes just cause I don’t feel like explaining otherkinity. If someone asks why I usually just say I see myself as an animal. Responses are mixed but people are polite about it. wearing gear makes me feel much more grounded in where I stand with my identity. I noticed a feel much more confident about myself when I am being myself unabashedly. Who knew. Also planning to get some combat boots and add some spikes to them to imitate claws. Should be fun.

Heading back to my weird quirks and otherkinity experience Phantom shifts are something I experience all the time 24/7. In part due to p-shifting cult and also a way to manage my species dysphoria. It’s pretty intense for me and its something I find comfort in and encourage. It’s a way for me to find the world more relatable. Often these shifts calm me down and make it easier for me to navigate the world. I would say my phantom shifts only effects parts of my body im aware of not my entire body all the time. Rather whatever body parts im using. It also does its best to not have any “clipping” through objects and my shift may phase out if there may be clipping to a body part im aware of.

Lastly My gender and sexuality I would say tie to my kintype as well. Im attracted to otherkin moreso than humans. I really like animalistic aspects to people and traits I see in my kintype in other people. I find I get along best with canine kintypes. My gender im realizing is more so tied heavily to my kintype I want to be a male mightyena whatever that entails and it plays closely with my species dysphoria. I find when I relieve my species dysphoria I tend to also relieve a bit of my gender dysphoria to. I say im ftm as a short hand because that’s what my kintypes gender seems to line up with the most. Though I think that will be less and less the case as I start wearing things like a prosthetic muzzle which is pretty animal gender to me.

Therapy and Otherkinity

On this topic I would like to talk about how therapy and otherkinity interact cause that’s something central to this panel. For me I always noticed that when I am given analogies in therapy they are always about an inner child, how I was as a human kid, how I am as an adult. These things are good but they lack the context of me as a whole. I am not just a human I am an animal in a human body which changes a lot in how I’ve had to take care of myself and apply advice given to me by professionals. For one I always have to tell professionals im otherkin and what that entails. That it isn’t a hobby or one aspect of me but something that impacts my entire perspective. Methods of self soothing just wont work for me if I don’t change some wording around. There is no inner child for me personally theres a puppy and a puppy seeks out an entirely different sets of behaviors, emotions, and emotes/ way of communication than an inner child would. You would be able to talk to an inner child hug them and act as a type of parent to them. With a puppy I tend to act more as an owner or an animal parent depending on whats needed.as an owner i have to bridge the communication gap with things like chew toys, petting, dark cozy places, brushing or grooming, non verbal communication

which plays a much larger part in my healing process than what I read or what methods im taught. As an owner to myself I have to learn to take care of my inner puppy the way I needed which can be difficult when no one you know has to follow that method. As an animal parent I also have to act as I am, an animal to my inner puppy that’s what we both understand the common language we speak is non human and is critical to my healing. I find protecting my inner puppy as an animal parent gives me a larger sense of catharsis it feels like something I can finally understand however the methods don’t translate well to the real world. I cant just snarl at people I have to talk to them in a disagreement. I cant go hunting I have to go shopping. Which is why having both an owner and an animal parent.

Both are important because both aspects cant be ignored and need to be used in tandem.

Healing for me when it comes to trauma involves a lot of balancing between my human life and my animalistic needs which is something I have had to do and explain to therapists the difficulties of doing so. I notice most therapists I have met cant seem to grasp this and see otherkinity as more of a metaphor than an identity. I noticed a lot of my therapists would just change metaphors to talk to me instead of reshaping a technique for healing which has caused a lot of problems. An example I can think off the top of my head is instead of “a family sticks together” may be “a wolf pack sticks together” which is helpful sometimes but if it’s the only change it becomes detrimental to me. Often because while not intentional I think a lot of therapies are human-centric. There is an assumption you are human in order to apply the coping techniques or healing strategies. This lead to me unintentionally repressing a larger chunk of my otherkinity just because I was applying these skills without changing anything. Sometimes present day I still fall into this and notice it triggers my species dysphoria to worsen. It can be difficult to spot for me as well because otherkinity is so uncommon no one else is having the same issue in my real life friend groups. So I assume whatever im doing must be ok cause it seems to work ok for everyone else. Which ends up not being the case.

A solution I’ve found to help with this is for one explaining as I go with a therapist what is and is not working. I have to be an advocate for myself and teach them as well what I like and what works and what doesn’t. I try my best to let them know when something they do is detrimental. I also try to explain what brings me comfort and what doesn’t. a nice talk isn’t going to help my puppy self but a hug would. Things like that. When it comes to internal imagery some therapists use I know stating to them youd like them to consider your kintype as yourself has helped me by them not seeing me as a fully human being or just my irl body. overall I hope this talk has helped some people. Given some new perspectives. And I am happy or reiterate some topics I went over. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#long post #it was 11 pages #im so sorry #otherkin #therian #fictionkin #psychologicalkin

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garbagequeer · 2 years

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Also weird that they never mention or imply Astrid and Cody in new blood like???? He has two other kids he straight up left??

I think we need showtime to stop milking this but new blood was clearly set up for a spin-off . So I think we should get Harrison and Cody/Astor interaction . What happened to them?? I want to know

Idk dexter is a weird show because on one hand it tries so hard to validate the idea of non-biological family being real— Ie that’s at least part of the Debra vs Brian conflict and he picks Debra . Validating that she’s his real sister

And then at the same time they have him completely abandon and forget about his two other kids because they’re not ‘biologically’ his so it’s like. What’s the message here folks what r u trying to say

i think w cody and astor they just found it easier to not have them around but it did bother me that harrison could track down dexter who was supposedly dead and live under a fake identity but never even mentioned his siblings who would probably be much easier to find + it would make sense for him to do that after hannah died (like they could know each other but have harrison decide to be on his own to find dexter still and him deciding to not tell them about it and this could be like a couple of lines said in passing in an episode). or even that dexter himself doesnt keep tabs on them like it's 2022 can't you catfish your children on instagram like any good dead beat serial killer stepfather living under a false identity after faking his death following his suicide attempt obviously would?

personally i have no issue if showtime wants to keep making more content like to me beating a dead horse is essential to how tv works but id like to think harrison is for real just a normal kid with issues (im rita stan and dark passenger denier. i cant pick a struggle) so idk if that would pan out like it'd be a dexter teen drama spin-off which is silly (even though id personally watch it if they did it. but i think tv shows should be silly so im probably not representative of the target audience). though i'd also watch if they decided to stick to the dark passenger with him. what can i say i love stupid bullshit

and yes exactly i think an issue w dexter is it tries to kind of be this nature vs nurture thing but a lot of the time it doesnt work because the concept behind the dark passenger is so stupid like betty cooper serial killer genes but for boys (which i guess is bc theyre adapting from source material where it's demonic or something which is extremely funny to me like the summaries of the dexter books are deranged. also on those apparently astor and cody also have murderous tendencies bc of paul and dexter is like oh my children i will teach you the code <3).

like idk if they so much have a message or if it's just concepts audiences are familiar with that we can arrange differently because theyre ambiguous enough and audiences are diverse (like theres fans out there who think dexter was a heroic vigilante no matter how much the show evidently shows thats not what it's about so) like it's about family (the one he's born in? the one that raised him? the one he made for himself?) and cycles which you must break (harrison kills dexter)? but you can't break (harrison kills dexter)? and theyre choices (dexter didnt kill for 10 years)? but they're not (the dark passenger will always be with him)?

i mean i think this ambiguity is good in the sense that it accompanies dexter's own push and pull between facets of his own self so maybe the point is that nebulousness of a person's place in the world as a complex thing like is he a monster-brian's brother-not rita's family or is he a person-deb's brother-stepfather? he is both so he is harry's son (harry himself was also defined by duality) as harry unites all of it and he is more defined by that point of connection than by any of the rest so he often neglects one part of his life (thats why he's a fail dad to all his kids and also a fail serial killer multiple times during the show but he does honestly care) which he kind of points out in s1-s2 like he has a little inner monologue about how he's dexter but he thinks this means he is beyond harry... and yet who does he keep talking to in his head? and his perspective on his own life and self is always limited by this being the point where he stands so he cant overcome harry teaching him he was always going to be a killer because he sort of always looks at himself through the eyes of his father even as he redefines some of the non-murderous parts of his identity. i think in a way it's a lot about patterns and addictions but idk he's mostly my friend the silly serial killer from my shows

but as it is a tv show a lot of plotlines and elements simply get dropped and forgotten because something else was more compelling or more popular with fans (which i think is the case with astor and cody. like iirc people back in the day thought rita and the kids were pretty boring so they kind of exit the show which from a trying-to-build-dexter-as-a-person point of view IS frustrating but i do think that's why it happens although from the narrative pov it paints him as more uncaring or self-absorbed by his own issues of being dangerous and unable to connect/always hiding bc of what harry taught him). but i mean you cant really get much more in the sense of social commentary bc most of the things in the show consistently ignore social context and are extremely made up problems that can be reduced to a couple of generations of one person's personal biography for funsies (all while consistently ignoring most of the women of course <3 misogyny)

also the validation of dexter's family being his adoptive family through killing his biological brother was so hilarious to me like brian was a grown man who straight up did not understand adoption and dexter killed him over it instead of like talking to him about it to see if he can maybe get him not to kill his sister and also keep him and then he's like oh no my brother :( i loved my brother :( as if he didnt choose to do that i mean he's so funny

#sorry for always going off in tangents but this is a gemini's blog #dexter #answered #anonymous

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worstloki · 4 years

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Part 1

--[official naming and legal rights ceremony for Morgan]--

Tony: you know what would be really funny? Pepper: Tony... Tony: THINK about it Pep- how can you say no to this once in a lifetime opportunity? Pepper: Rhodey and Steve. We already decided. Tony: ok fine. FINE! I'll just give up the chance for our daughter to have two literal powerhouses watching over her Pepper: one of them isn't even alive! Tony, signing the paperwork: he was the dodgy one anyways! Pepper: oh g*d tell me you didn't Tony: too late. our daughter's got 1 thunderer and 1 deceased trickster listed as her ~*godparents*~ and no punishment you come up with will ruin this moment for me Pepper: its fine, this is fine, it wont even be legally binding since you can't have two male godparents listed so its invalid anyways, haha this is fine, everything is fine,,, Tony: i actually heard from Thor that Loki could be female if they wanted... Pepper: ... Pepper: TONY!! -- [later] -- Rhodey: dude did you seriously put LOKI down as a legal guardian for your kid instead of me Tony: well I wanted Thor but he insisted that I put Loki down too... something about honouring Asgardian tradition...? Rhodey: tradition is fine but isn't he DEAD? Tony: sure Thor thought he was dead 5 years ago, then again 4 years ago, and then again 2 years ago... but if he was alive he would have already, statistically speaking, shown up by now Rhodey shaking his head fondly: okay i forgive you for replacing me with Thor and his deceased brother, but the next kid has my name on it. I've already called dibs with no takebacks, okay? Tony: one kid is already keeping me busy enough, honeybear...

---[3 years later]---

Tony: And. I. Am. Iron Man... *snaps* Thanos' army: *disintegrates* Tony: *taking his last breathes* Pepper: you can rest now... Loki: *shoves Pepper aside and pulls the gauntlet off Tony* Pepper and Rhodey and Peter who were standing around tony: LOKI ?!? Dr Strange: no SToP you cant juST do THAT- Loki, taking out the time stone: why not Dr Strange: if you change anything now it'll ruin the timelines!!! Loki, reversing time on Tony and bringing him back to life: that's not how time works, Dr. Supreme Dr Strange: It’s Strange, and- Loki: Yes, I agree, it is strange that you decided to let Earth's best hero die when literally every infinity stone is rigHT HERE Dr Strange: but its wrong to misuse their pow- Loki: Then it’s a good thing I'm evil and don't care Dr Strange: buT- Loki: no need to worry, I'm only helping you heroes out this one time because apparently while I was stardust Tony chose to give me partial ownership over his child so now i am bound to care for it Pepper, remembering that Loki is legally Morgan’s godparent: oh my g*d Rhodey: well, I bet Tony didn't expect this Tony, speaking in his sleep: frickity frackity Loki, looking at Tony disapprovingly: I agree. --[a week later]-- Tony: okay, so like, i don't want to seem ungrateful for you saving my life, but i only wrote your name down to get Thor - Loki, annoyed: Yes I figured as much Tony: -yes but if you've saved my life I was wondering exactly how bound you are to help and how far you're willing to go to watch over her Loki: does this have anything to do with the 18+ end-of-the-world-celebration party at the end of the week? Tony: maybe Loki: *stares at him* Tony: ...okay, yES… do you think you could make sure Morgan is alive and well and safe while I go? It’s clear you don't appreciate being forced to be her godparent so if you do it I'll even get your name off the legal documentation by the end of the week and you can leave after Loki: If you so much as try to remove my name when it is THOR that has been neglectful of his duty and has been ignoring the implications of having a child under their name then I will have no choice but to hit you over the head with stormbreaker Tony: oh. okay. no name removing then that's cool i guess just please don't smite me or i'll dob to thor that you're going to try touching his shiny axe and have are regressing on your journey to goodness Loki, pulling stormbreaker out of his pocket dimension: I’m afraid you’re too late to warn him about the potential theft of his favourite beer opener. I will, however, watch Morgan over both days of the party, IF I also get put in charge of the spider child and Wakanda's princess Tony, doing his best to ignore the huge axe: how do you even know about them, weren't you snapped for the past 5 years?? Loki: I understand that they're not allowed to attend the party either and will not have any parents or guardians available to care for them at the time... Tony: you're not going to try any funny business right...? even if you wont hurt Morgan how do i know you wont lay a hand on the others?? I cant just trust you to watch over a bunch of kids no matter how much bruce and thor vouch for your sanity Loki: you can trust I wouldn't risk scarring Morgan like that if you don't trust i wouldn't intentionally attack a bunch of literal children Tony: hmm okay I guess I’ll just cross my fingers and hope you don't relapse into villainy Loki: wonderful. inform the children that I will pick them up 2 hours before the time of the party. Tony: need me to get you a ride? Peter lives close but Shuri lives just a tad bit out of walking range Loki: no thanks I'll be fine

---[at the party]---

Pepper: YOU LEFT HIM ALONE TO CARE FOR MORGAN?! Tony: he’s been doing a fine job of it while we’re around, and besides, it’s not like I left her with him alone or anything! Pepper: No, of course not Tony, that would be too simple, no, you left LOKI in charge of not JUST our child but also Peter, and the PRINCESS of Wakanda too Pepper: do you have any idea how badly this could work out?! putting aside the political disaster that would occur if something happened to Shuri the ethical considerations alone make strangling you very tempting right now Rhodey: Pepper, Tony would never do anything to put Morgan or Peter or even Shuri in danger... he knows they're kids, right Tony? Tony: Peter can benchpress a mag-lev and Shuri can design one in 60 seconds flat. I’m not concerned because they'll be fine even if he does try to pull off anything even 2% evil! Pepper: *not impressed* Tony: some sort of Asgardian binding magic was involved so he literally cant try to inflict any harm on Morgan, and that includes emotional distress just for the record, believe me, i checked Rhodey: what do you mean 'i checked', what did you do man Tony: Morgan wanted ice pops the other day so i told her to ask Loki Pepper: TONY he's a WAR CRIMINAL Tony: so anyways Morgan went up to the ally we’re kindly hosting - who literally takes residence on whichever couch is closest to Morgan by the way and it’s super funny to watch him move between couches every time she leaves the room - and he's reading when she asks if he'll get an ice pop with her Tony: and I've tried talking to him when he's reading and it does NOT end well Pepper: and you sent MORGAN to do it anyways?? Tony: and he said no at first, which was predictable, right? but then Morgan got sad and a bit teary-eyed and she asked again and when he saw she was sad he literally jolted in pain and he put the book aside and got up so fast to immediately lead her to the freezer to get some Rhodey: so, what? he physically cant say no to Morgan or some wacky voodoo thing compels him? Tony: That is the conclusion I have come to with my findings, yes. It seems he can’t intentionally do anything to hurt her in any way. So Morgan and her new friends are completely safe, sweetie. Pepper: I'm leaving to make sure she's doing okay... Tony: I also installed cameras just to make sure no one gets murdered without thorough evidence to convict him, if that helps? Pepper: If you can get the live feed to go to my phone I'll consider staying Tony: deal.

--meanwhile, in Tony's house--

[Peter Shuri Morgan and Loki are wrapped up in blankets and watching The Hobbit. Loki is doing some paperwork and Morgan is drinking orange juice while Peter and Shuri share some popcorn] Peter: so are we going to talk about how we're watching a movie with the person who attacked New York with an alien army a few years ago or not Shuri: he was not acting of his own volition so i thought we were excusing that Loki, looking up: you are literally the first person to have mentioned that Peter: but Mr. Stark said that-- Shuri: footage of the 2012 attack conclusively showed that his eye colour changed before and after he had been subdued the final time, which was a phenomenon associated only with being under the influence of the sceptre containing the mind stone Peter: he does magic though! it could be a trick or the cameras could've been too grainy to tell Shuri: They weren't. But the changes in his behaviour and speech patterns also indicate that he was being controlled or at least coerced to some extent. He's also sitting next to us doing paperwork and watching Bilbo sneak around a dragon. Loki: Congratulations, you are officially the only person from this planet for whom I can confidently vouch is not a- *covers Morgan’s ears* -complete imbecile. Shuri: Thank you. Peter: well, she is a genius Shuri: Yes I am, in fact I'm a genius that has the approval of Loki, which is even better, because I'm assuming he'll have some neat ideas on how to make a fool of T'Challa in my lab on camera more often Loki: I may have some experience in the making-a-fool-out-of-my-brother department Shuri: wonderful! we can brainstorm after the movie :) Peter: I don't have a brother to prank :( Loki: I can fix that Peter: ...what Shuri: yeah, what?? Loki: oh I meant that if you wanted I could legally become your godparent and then you'd have Harley and Morgan as prankable siblings Peter: you know what? I'm actually considering it Shuri: how angry do you think T'challa would be if I made Loki an official Wakandan by saying he's my godfather because I think that would get a hilarious reaction out of him Loki, nodding: According to Asgardian tradition claiming a godchild forms an irrevocable bond and he would have to accept that his sister has someone who pulls off legendary pranks keeping her safe from any attempts at his retaliation Peter: that’s so cool and i'm definitely accepting your offer Shuri: and I'm joining in because i have a folder filled with evidence that Loki was mostly innocent of the New York attack but some videos of us together pulling off harmless pranks would make fine contributions to it Loki: wonderful! Loki, holding out documents and a pen: just sign here, there, and there, Peter: wait you've been sitting next to us filling out godchild adoption forms this whole time??? Loki: well actually I started out filling out the godparent-removal forms because Thor is an irresponsible buffoon and i refuse to share custody with him Peter: do you think i could get ~*Thor*~ to adopt me- Loki: Nopity nope. Too late. You've already signed the forms so you're stuck with me, and I refuse to share any of my friends with him Peter: aww you called us your friends Loki: you have no proof i said that Shuri, pointing to the camera in the corner of the room: but that hackable camera does >:) [peter jumps over the sofa and is going to retrieve the camera for shuri to get the blackmail material when he gets hit by a pillow. shuri says 'hey that was not nice' as she hits loki with her pillow. peter throws the pillow he has at loki. morgan yells 'PILLOW FIGHT!!' before joining in, and by the time they settle down again all of them have missed the ending of the film and have to rewatch the last 20 minutes before drifting off to sleep together on the floor in a patchwork of all their blankets]

---[later at the party]---

Tony: sorry pal, I'm a certified genius and even I don't know how she managed to carry around and slip Morgan’s papers to you when that dress has no pockets and her purse is barely large enough to fit a small-to-medium-sized wrench Rhodey: it was probably the same way she switched your drink for Thor's godchild renouncement forms when you weren't looking Tony, whispering: I think she has CEO paperwork powers Rhodey whispering back: you're only noticing now?

[pepper and tony get home the next day]

Pepper: i still cant believe you left Loki near the kids Tony: and i still cant believe you didn't know how to check the live feed and decided to ignore me the entire night instead of bothering to ask. clearly deep down you trusted my judgement and the decision to leave the kids in Loki's capable, mischiefy, slightly-insane but apparently reformed hands.

[yelling is heard from the living room and Tony and Pepper run in to find Loki Peter Shuri and Morgan sitting around wrapped in blankets and playing Mario Kart and exclaiming their thoughts very vocally. when they are noticed all the kids freeze and stare at Tony. Loki mumbles something about telling Tony he lost the bet since he did in fact manage to keep everyone alive and at that point even Pepper is staring (glaring) at Tony.]

Tony, realising the kids have bonded™: oh no. what have i done.

#part 1 of my modern AU where tony has to deal with his batch of kinda-kids being monopolised by loki #the same loki who refuses to say he's ''reformed'' or ''better than he used to be'' because he's ''always been like this''#the thing is that he's not TELLING anyone about the mind control so everyone assumes the worst #he goes around doing harmless pranks and flambouyantly messing with people and is listed as their Number 1 enemy #despite never harming anyone in the avengers get called in to deal with him all the time but he's not even close to evil?#good luck to tony who has to explain that to people when they see him having a regular conversation with loki #he's not evil he just likes causing mischief and if you're not running away and screaming like crazy the things he does are actually funny #no one gets hurt or anything they're all harmless and he's only a criminal because it counts as 'terrorising civilians' to make trees dance #shuri peter and morgan end up bonding with loki 2 weeks after thanos is gone #before that tony was just kind of hanging around tony's house anyways because ''morgan is here''#spoiler alert: there is no magic binding him to the kids he just values the fact that someone would honour him with responsibility #why did thor ask for loki's name to also be put down? because he DIDNT WANT to be morgan's godfather #he was depressed and knew he was in no mental state to take on that role and didnt think he deserved it anyways #he asked for loki to be written down too because he thought tony would never do that and he would get out of it but that obvsly didnt work #i'm tagging this under: LokiAdoptsAU #LokiAdoptsAU #this is part 1 and I'll post part 2 tomorrow but there isnt going to be a storyline or anything its just everyone existing

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itsthe-neo-zone · 4 years

Text

Married To Mr Choi - TXT Series

Please read the Masterlist before continuing ahead with the chapter. (Check the warnings and read the interlude before reading the first chapter. Thank you)

Chapter 1:

Every young girl dreams of her moment, the one where she drapes a sweet pearl gown over her figure and the sparkiest diamond headpiece over the crow of her head. Some even go as far as filling the grooms place with their ever-growing recent crush they have over the boy next door or their special friend in nursery.

Even I had those thoughts, me being the pride and joy of my family, the youngest girl -the only girl- in my house. The house of Tesoro, or Treasure in other words. Noble, famous, and extremely rich. Surely my moment in the snow gown and tiara would be the talk of the century? My marriage would be to the one I find, my soulmate, the true love and my prince that would save me from the towers I was locked in.

But as I stand here in front of my reflection, I didn’t feel any of the infatuations that I had as a young girl. No giddy or jittering feeling at the silky lace skin I wore over my own.

“What do you think of this one?”

“I don’t like it.”

A loud sigh sounded from behind me, she wasn’t even trying to hid it. The frustration dripping from between her teeth.

“I initiated the marriages for all 8 of your brothers and when I want to finally celebrate your coming of age you make my suffer through like this?”

“You didn’t even think about it sis.” A mutter came from the back. I wanted to turn and snap back at San but if it wasn’t for the overly extravagant and 8-pound heavy train splayed behind me. It blocked my movements if I wasn’t able to walk now how I was going to wear it on my freaking wedding day.

“Let’s see if we can try finding a middle ground for both the bride and her mother.” The assistant interrupted, feeling the tension thicken around the room.

She helped me down and as I pulled at the thick material against myself to avoid the troublesome look of tripping up. This whole ordeal was embarrassing, especially since I know this marriage wasn’t going to ever work out.

As I finished changing out of the dress and into the cotton robe that had chaffed my skin from the amount of dressing and undressing, I heard a light knock on my door.

“Come in.” I fixed and tugged at the robe covering myself thoroughly

“Are you feeling ok?” it was san, he pulled at the door and closed shut after he slipped inside. Locking it.

“No.”

“Why’s that.” He took a seat making himself comfortable on one of the many plush fuchsia armchairs scattered in the dressing lounge. “Is it the dresses? Or maybe mothers choice in compliments?”

He hummed in a sing song way, but I was no way in the mood to be teased and joked with. “I don’t call those compliments. She called me fat in one of the dresses and it wasn’t even me. It was the stupid cut of the dress.” My feet stomped a few times.

Smirking at the small pout that graced my lips, he played with a set of pearl beads that were hanging off the vanity. It was odd seeing my eldest brother in these types of surroundings. His work clothes didn’t match one bit. The gun strapped at his hips didn’t seem too friendly either.

It sacred most of the friendly and feminine-like workers and assistants in the bridal wear shop. But I was used to their outlandish and odd looks they wore. All part of their job, I guess.

“Just pick any goddamn dress and prepare yourself. Lets get this over with.” He stood up setting down the jewellery. “You know this is all for social reasons.”

“It’s unfair.” I stepped away turning my back. San could be volatile when he wants to be. Harsh and ruthless in his emotions, unlike Wooyoung.

“I know. But sometimes we have to do things we don’t like Mila. Deal with it.” He muttered; I could hear the gritting of his teeth beneath the sputtering of words.

“This is marriage. It isn’t a gathering I’m attending or befriending someone I hate. This can’t be undone.”

“So? You’re not marrying any random freak. This is the Choi family were talking about.” He thudded his steps to the door brushing slightly past me his boots hitting against the soft carpet mimicked the sound of muffled thunder.

“Mila, if you want peace of mind, you’ll marry him with no complaints, it’s whats best for the family.”

‘its whats best for the family’

those words made my blood boil and my fists clench hard. Always those meaningless and hurtful words, so degrading and painful to my own thoughts and neglectful of my own desires.

I watched him push past the threshold of the doorway and push past the trembling assistant that was tugging at dresses double or triple her weight.

“I have a few more dresses I think you may like.”

“I don’t know about that.” Sighing I slip the robe off my body for the 60th time today.

“She actually picked a dress this time. Yes. Finally. So love are you going to be here for the ceremony.” The soft voice spoken mutedly and with a tone of contentment came from the main salon.

“Oh that’s good news. The sooner the better.” I heard mothers words muttered from the hallway. Gracing down the corridors I didn’t ever mean to listen in, but her voice and words were intriguing. It seems like she was talking to my father.

I rushed past the main doors making a beeline to my room. There on one of the soft ottomans sat Wooyoung.

“What are you doing here brother?” pushing the door shut with a soft click I turn to face him. He was adorned in his work clothes.

A dark shirt with his gun holster peaking out from underneath the leather jacket. His hair was ruffled up and he was wearing tight slacks with black wing tip oxfords. He had his handgun between his fingers swinging it round. I subconsciously hoped he had his safeguard on.

“This is a pleasant surprise.” I sat at the edge of my bed lips in a tight line as I pushed a smile.

“Are you not happy with this wedding?” I let out an exasperated sigh. Not this again. Wooyoung doesn’t live with us. He’s married and he has his own estate a distance from here, this is the first time he’s heard of these complaints and I have a hint on who had blurted. His name begins with S.

“Did San tell you?”

“You know he cant keep his lips shut when he’s with me.” I nod glancing downwards.

“Mila, you know I picked this marriage for you. I wouldn’t choose someone that I know can’t look after you.”

“I know but I would have been happier to choose myself.” I played with the ends of my hair, twirling the soft strands around the tip of my finger.

“Marrying that Christopher guy would have been good for you but not for the family.” His eyes wavered slightly. He didn’t catch my lingering gaze. “You’re being self-centred when thinking about this.”

“And shouldn’t I be? It’s my marriage.”

“Christopher bang isn’t part pf this underground work his family have no presence in the mafia realm, so he won’t be of use to you?”

“To us, you’re a part of this.” The grunt leaving his mouth as he stood up warned me, I was entering dangerous territory.

“Really wish I wasn’t.”

The black wavy hair obscured his vison from me rendering me completely confused. He didn’t show much of his emotions, ever since we were young, I could only see them from his eyes. He wasn’t going to like those words no matter what I said.

“The truth is, you’re marrying from the choi family and that’s that.” His voice left no room for discussion. An exhale left my lips as I watched him leave. Judging from the direction his footsteps took he was going towards the salon.

I had the afternoon to myself later after that heated discussion and the morning excursion. So I decided to take a bath and meet up with a friend, Afterall the afternoon was one of the last I would spend with a close friend as unmarried young ladies.

“So?” Yuna glanced to me before reaching out for her smoothie blend, we had both ordered, “You’re really marrying him?”

I wasn’t looking at her, my head was filled with many worries and they kept gnawing, taking as much of a chunk of my brain as they wanted. “Yeah I guess I am, marrying a Him.” I chewed at the ends of my lips slightly.

It feels different when I say it out loud, it feels real, it’s really happening having my lips voice what was coming gave me that reality check. I didn’t have any control over what was happening, and it was all slipping out of my hands like sand, I couldn’t stop a thing or grasp it.

Its sacred me.

“I heard one of the Choi brothers is married already.” Yuna spoke with caution. “You should double check about that, y’know?” taking another sip she set the glass down before moving closer, I could see her doe eyes from my peripheral.

“I’m not surprised. Anyone working in their fields has to hasten and rush in their life, everyday could be their last day living.” I mutter.

Bringing my glance from the fields of greenery in the estate towards the summer blend of fruit before me, I spare her a quick look before realizing she’s staring expectantly at me.

“What?”

“Nothing, it feels weird.”

I huff, I wasn’t expecting that.

“You shouldn’t think too much, its tiresome for you…” smirking I lift the glass mimicking her movements earlier.

“It’s just, we’ve grown up together Mila, we know almost everything there is to know about each other,” she shifted a little, her blond hair strands falling to shield her face. “I just- its…I never imagined this is how out would go for you.”

“Neither did I, what can we do though?”

A short pause was left between the two of us and as I was relishing in the moment of peace it took me back to when I was a child, not too long ago.

I loved the freedom and the happiness me and my brothers shared. Our innocence the purity on our fingertips.

“Run away?” Yuna offered but as she did, she let a giggle out smiling happily back at me. Yuna seemed so happy. I wish I could be the same. I was so envious of her.

“I wish I could do that Nana.”

I really did, now that we’ve all grown up it seems that the responsibilities piled up and increased.

The pressure toiled above our heads high and the hands my brothers had once filled with purity were covered in drenching blood. The guilt was intolerable they had learnt over the years to let go of it. Some - San - threw away all their emotions to give themselves peace of mind.

When I was a young girl, dreams of wearing a flowing white dress and holding hands with my prince was all I ever dreamed about.

I was infatuated and obsessed with the thought. We all are as young girls…

The idea was all that pushed me, I was oblivious to the happiness that was being sucked and stolen from us. Till this day I blame myself for my brothers situation. It hurts to see the empty voids of stone cold and ice grey look at me. It’s like they’re taunting me. This is what you’ve done. It’s all your fault.

Everything came at a price, this lavish lifestyle and our family legacy, I lost my family for all this and I’m about to lose my future too.

That night, the insomnia came back to haunt me, i didn't get a seconds rest.

~~~

My fingers were getting tired, but I pushed through, I hadn’t reached anywhere, it was getting tiring trying to memorize the last few parts of this piece and it just wasn’t sticking in my head for some reason.

“First you spill the glass of juice, and now this?” San sniggers throwing himself against the main sofa adjacent to me. For someone who lived in an estate surrounded by lush fields and the glimmering view of a large pool reflecting onto the ceiling above me, I was too melancholic.

“What?” I snap back. Throwing a glare at him I continue fixing the thin strands of string on the harp I sat at. “It’s just not my day, is it…” I mumble gnawing on my lips subconsciously.

“If that’s correct then it’s not your month Mila?” the snickering continued. He clearly had nothing better to do today.

“Oh be quiet,” I rubbed the tips of my fingers, the creases were starting to form again.

“No I’m being serious. Why you always so bitter.”

“Leave her alone San.” A distinct grumbling and barely familiar voice entered the main salon. The tall male made his way across the entryway and into the open cuisine corner past the bar.

It had been a long time since I had heard his dull and monotonous voice echoing past the halls of the manor.

“Seonghwa, what a pleasant surprise.” San’s voice dripped with feigned adoring. He was just pushing his limits at this point and Seonghwa had low patience when it came to these decisions.

“Brother, how have you been.”

“Fine.” He grunted in response, seemed like something was on his mind troubling him. “Congratulations on the marriage news Mila.”

“Thanks.” I visibly cringed out of defence. San being the calculating and sly bane noticed the change in my demeanour.

“I wouldn’t congratulate her, knowing princess Mimi here,” he waved the pointer finger towards me “she’d want the wedding over in any way possible.” The younger male smirked flinging his head back against the armrest of the extended chaise longue.

“Stop.” I mouthed, slightly hissing at him. He just wouldn’t cut his snarky attitude. I secretly hoped he’d choke on one of the grapes he was dropping into his mouth.

“Mila, is this true?”

I paused sighing. I noticed I’ve been doing that a lot more than the usual the past few days. Looking up to the taller male I caught his eyes with mine. They were blank.

From the early age of 6, I was amazed at how he could manipulate his voice to show emotion and sound genuine, when he truly felt not a single ounce of care or love for anyone or anything. Seonghwa being from a different mother along with my older brothers, it felt strange to have him around and so I never got to see him that much.

“I… it’s just-”

“Mila.” If I ever hated to hear my name come out of anyone’s voice in a calling tone it was my mothers. It gave me anxiety just hearing the two syllables.

“Yes mother?” I was barely able to blurt out the response, through my teeth I uttered the words loud enough for her to hear and enter the room.

“There you are, listen up.” “I just got off the phone with Mrs Choi, the date has been set and their family have accepted. Prepare yourself,”

“For what, when?” San asking the questions I needed to hear made me feel mixed emotions and all at the same time.

I felt grateful. I knew I couldn’t ,move my own tongue. It felt heavy. I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say. It was like all knowledge of speaking had been erased from my mind.

At an unchanging moment I felt a rage and burning fury against him for being so oblivious and blind. Deep down I didn’t want to hear it. I never wanted to overhear a thing about this topic. I didn’t want him to ask, shed have to answer that way.

I already knew, I knew it from the moment she entered the room a bright grin plastered on her face. It wasn’t the marriage that had given me a little shock it was how soon it was.

I swore to myself that for a short moment, felt my heart pause. Was this what people said when they felt themselves have a heart attack?

“You’re getting married, tomorrow.”

#Tomorrow x Together #beomgyu x reader #txt mafia au #ateez mafia au #ateez wooyoung #yeonjun #choi san #kpop fanfic #txt series #mafia au #kpop marriage au #Married to Mr Choi #kpop fanfiction #txt fanfic #ateez fanfic #straykids mafia au #straykids fanfic

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yellowbluemoonshine · 4 years

Text

Bnha 277; The boy who is being Left Behind

Lets talk about chapter 277.

War arc vs Gentle Arc;

First, THIS

Source; https://twitter.com/CDCubed/status/1279821074373283841

Most people pointed that they looked like Allmight and Afo but i think that scene is clearly is more like Gentle vs Deku fight.

Deku vs Shigaraki is really looks like Deku vs Gentle but difference is Deku is the one who is up, like he is kinda in villain pose or like he is the one who is trying to supress him.

Remember that Gentle is also Deku’s foil just like Shigaraki. In spor festival arc, Deku fight it to protect Eri’s smile and other people’s hard work while now Deku is fighting with another Eri.

After their fight, Gentle was redeemed and they both realized that they are kinda similar too. (Which in Izuku and Tenko’s case, their similarities are more, their origins are literally same.)

Also Deku realized that how Gentle’s existence is a light for someone else so maybe in the future, he might realize that Shigaraki’s existence is light for some people too (league).

Gentle was saved (a villain who was saved by a hero) and after the fight, he wished that Deku’s feelings can reach out to others.

(Like since their pose is very similar,and clearly meant to be parallels, maybe, those scenes might be hints for the the future encounters between Deku and Shigaraki.)

Shigaraki’s smile & Dehumanization by Proheroes;

First, it started with Miruko who enjoy by killing noumus, dead people who were kidnapped and tortured. She called Shigaraki as thing.

Aizawa who is ready kill the cat that Shirakumo/Kurogiri wished to save.

Then, there is another hero who call Shigaraki as monster, only because of this smile.

He doesnt smile to mock heroes, he smiles cause it hurts.

Shigaraki always give this reaction to pain. Smilling is how he express his pain.

He laughed when he was tortured cause he can not handle the pain of that surgery.

He smiled when the thinks he is about to die cause he was scared.

He also smiled when he remembered his origin, his worst trauma.

And Shigaraki’s smile is how he express his pain. This is also norrmal reaction for real life trauma,abuse victims.

Source; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-trauma-s-wounds/201509/why-clients-smile-when-talking-about-trauma-part-1

Also i already mentioned before how Shigaraki’s sitution is similar to Pop’s sitution from Bnha. So this is not the first time that Endeavour tried to kill a victim who should have saved.

And also Shouto is not here, yeah but Endeavour would want him to be here. Probably reason is he still wants him to carry his legacy. Notice; unlike Gran Torino or Aizawa, he didnt even say them to “stay away from Shigaraki”. Bringing children to war, fighting with them is not a big deal for Endeavour cause he is used to raising a child soldiers.

This guy is hero who supposed to save people. He is also Nana’s friend, also someone who knows a lot of things about him. He is the one who decided to neglected Nana’s son. So its also his responsibility but insteda of facing his mistakes, he didnt just dehumanize him but also he blamed Shigaraki for everything.

Let me remind you. It’s not Shigaraki’s fault for being Nana’s grandson, borning with a decay quirk, being ignored by society, being kidnapped by Afo..etc. Shigaraki’s all life is out of his control and not only he suffer more and more but he is also blamed for existing.

“Your existence brigns pain”, well, tell this to League, to people like Twice. To them, meeting with Shigaraki, league is the only blessing thing in their life.

(Even kids are blind. Tokoyami is blinded by hero society, he thinks what Hwaks did is right, thats probably why the chapter name is “Dark cloud”. Deku who wanted to save everyone fights with another Eri.)

Rejecting Nana and Afo;

Most people are happy to see that Shigaraki rejects them but unfortunately, despite rejecting them, Shigaraki also cant let them go at the same time.

Shigaraki ‘s biggest desire is freedom, a little agency but he is someone who always carry the burden of his past. Despite destroying them, he keeps remembering them againd and again.

Even after he destroyed them (because they rejected Shimura Tenko), he still take the hand besides him.

Shigaraki cant reject his family cause he cant get rid of this guilty feeling that he he had to be punished for what he did so he has to remember. So Shigaraki destroy his memories but then, he will come back to them cause he believes he had to be punished, he cant just continue his life after what he had done.

Then, we see that Afo is trying to take Shigaraki’s will, full control of him but this is too much even for him.

Look how he feels gratefull the person who ruined his entire life. Shigaraki is fighting for little agency, for his will, for the power he gained (remember how Shigaraki had to endure those full of hell-horrible surgery for this power).

Despite rejecting Afo, he is saying “i wanna be greater than you” like Shigaraki doesnt want to be Afo, yeah but he is trying to be his successor, he is still carrying his legacy anyway cause to him, he owed this to him.

Look at how he is still going after One for all, despite saying that its his own will. Shigaraki is not the one who wants One for all. Its Afo. Shigaraki is living his life for the sake of Afo. He still does what Afo wanted him to do.

(His face is not happy smile face, he is smilling cause he is afraid of loosing his will.)

Afo goes far to take Shigaraki’s only agency and Shigaraki still doesnt reject him completely. He doesnt even see this as betrayal, like this is normal to him. His only reaction is “No, this is too much.” like you already took a lot but no more. Shigaraki wont reject Afo completely. he will come back to him eventually cause thats how he used to.

Shigaraki was abused his all life and he is trapped with cycle of abuse, he will eventually return to his abuser’s hands. Despite rejecting and trying to escape from them, he will come back to them.

Shigaraki cant get out of this prison by himself but its impossible for him in those conditions. Shigaraki’s biggest desire is being treated as person but he cant see himself as person cause he was never treated as person.

(This is also i believe that will chage later when one hero saves im and league, the people who saved by Shigaraki tell him that he is not a thing, his existence is not destruction, that meeting with him is a miracle for them.)

Shigaraki was dehumanized by Afo and Ujiko.

He was dehumanized by random people he never met before.

He was dehumanized by heroes who should have saved people. He is abandoned by everyone.

Overhaul Arc vs War arc;

This was mentioned by a lot of people how this arc is opposite of overhaul arc. Since this was mentioned, i wont mention about it a lot. Just a summary;

- Heroes came to save Eri in overhaul arc, heroes came to kill Shigaraki in war arc.

- Heroes/teachers are worried about sudents in ovrehaul arc, heroes /teachers are bringig students to the war and focusing on revenge/destruction in war arc.

- Overhaul experemented on human, Eri and heroes defeated him by saving Eri and her power. Ujiko expremineted on many people, heroes killed all the victims of science and they also tried to kill Shigaraki. They didnt even really Ujiko and they didnt dehumanize him the way they did with Shigaraki, despite Shigaraki is the one who is victim here.

- Overhaul’s arc’s victim is Eri, This arc’s Eri is Shigaraki. Heroes won that arc with saving Eri, heroes are loosing in this arc cause they dehumanized Shigaraki. (Narrative punishment for heroes cause they didnt act like heroes).

- Extra; In overhaul arc, Nighteye was killed by a villain and Uraraka understood the meaning of the life, this became her own motivation to save people, just like Deku. In war arc, Twice was killed by a hero and Toga understood the meaning of life, this became her own motivation to destroy hero society, just like Shigaraki.

Conclusion;

I think meaning of this arc is to show that how far heroes can go, how they are not different from what they fought, like the true face or lets say dark side of heroes, hero society. How much they are blinded by system and dont realize what they did is horrible but also how they saved people depends on to their situtions. Saving Eri and destroying another Eri, only because one of them cant cry like another. since Shigaraki cant cry and cant ask for help, i wonder how they will see his pain.

Cause in this chapter, he showed his pain, he was distracted by Afo, pretty much was fighting for his own will, he was literally cried (yeah its crying, remember how his smile is no differen tthan his crying, its obvious that he was suffering) but heroes, all of them, even Deku ignored it.

So since this is the story of how Deku became the greatest hero and there is a clear set up for to fix the flaws of society, i think something will happen to change their perspectives. But it has to be something different like that they will feel so regret that what they have done, especially what they have done to Shigaraki. Since they are heroes.

(I might edit a little things later but for now, thats it. This became random cause i wrote analysis before but i accidently deleted it :’/ so i had to write different version of it again. Well, i hope i didnt forget to write anything. )

#bnha analysis #bnha 277 #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #midoriya izuku #parallels #eri #gentle #endeavour #aizawa #gran torino #war arc #overhaul #deku #mha meta

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