nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words
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Dear diary...
The fact that I'm still "alive" in 2024 just feels like a huge mistake...
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life isn’t about evading hell.
life is about living beautifully despite it.
sulē cerdan
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You know you’re fucked when……..you’ve accepted that your life will end by suicide, and you’re okay with it.
That is where I am right now.
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I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to get better. My head is a dark place and it only gets worse, day by day. and I have no idea how to stop the darkness from coming in. I have no idea how to save myself anymore.
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something i realized over the years is that despite wanting to kill myself, i don't actually wanna die. far from it actually. i want to live. i want to experience all the things i always wanted to do. i want to see the world. i want to look in the mirror one day and say "im happy i stayed". i want to get better. i want to live a life free from the shackles this mental illness has kept me in. but sometimes that darkness in my brain just overtakes that hope for a better future and all i'm left with is the thought that it will never get better.
— i want to live, but not like this.
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