#don't miss out on it

[mylordshesacactus]

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE--”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

#gay pirate plate #GOD i wish I had a picture #y'all are not prepared for the gay pirate plate #anyway we don't think my dad should have to miss out on our hijinks #we think he would much prefer to be alive to witness the nonsense #than for us to morbidly wait until he dies to begin the third generation of Gay Pirate Plate

[nipuni]

Silence in the library

A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on february 1st!

#doctor who #david tennant #tenth doctor #10th doctor #ten #DW #hate how this turned out but #I love Silence in the library/Forest of the dead so much so I don't care #top 3 DW episodes for sure #the whole 'you just killed someone I liked that's not a safe place to stand' #'I'm the doctor and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up' #MAN he was so cool!! and watching the shadows retreat!! #AAA I miss Ten #my art

[lotus-pear]

in love with tragedy

#did you know if i don't draw skk angst every month i will explode and Die #IN MY HEAD HE NEVER JUMPED #idk which version YALL read but in mine he does his dramatic speech on the roof and then walks away #and leaves aku n atsu there thinking “??????? bitch tf” #before going and filing paperwork while chuuya screams at him abt missing a meeting while he was out playing cards on the roof w sskk #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #soukoku #skk #bungou stray dogs beast #bsd beast #beast soukoku #beast skk #lotus draws

[inkskinned]

love when men cry about body hair bc "it's hygiene" and yet 15% of cis men leave the bathroom without washing their hands at all and an additional 35% only just wet their hands without using soap. that is nearly half of all men. that means statistically you have probably shaken hands with or been in direct contact with one of these people.

love when men say that women "only want money" when it turns out that even in equal-earning homes, women are actually adding caregiver burdens and housework from previous years, whereas men have been expanding leisure time and hobbies. in equal-earning households, men spend an average of 3.5 hours extra in leisure time per week, which is 182 hours per year - a little over a week of paid vacation time that the other partner does not receive. kinda sounds like he wants her money.

love that men have decided women are frail and weak and annoying when we scream in surprise but it turns out it's actually women who are more reliable in an emergency because men need to be convinced to actually take action and respond to the threat. like, actually, for-real: men experience such a strong sense of pride about their pre-supposed abilities that it gets them and their families killed. they are so used to dismissing women that it literally kills them.

love it. told my father this and he said there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. a year ago i tried to get him to evacuate the house during a flash flood. he ignored me and got injured. he has told me, laughing, that he never washes his hands. he has said in the last week that women are just happier when we're cooking or cleaning.

maybe i'm overly nostalgic. but it didn't used to feel so fucking bleak. it used to feel like at least a little shameful to consider women to be sheep. it just feels like the earth is round and we are still having conversations about it being flat - except these conversations are about the most obvious forms of patriarchy. like, we know about this stuff. we've known since well before the 50's.

recently andrew tate tried to justify cheating on his partner as being the "male prerogative." i don't know what the prerogative for the rest of us would be. just sitting at home, watching the slow erosion of our humanity.

#writeblr #warm up #ps edited so it is more clear where “half” of men is coming from: #15% literally don't even touch water #an ADDITIONAL 35% ''wash'' by just running their hands under water WITHOUT SOAP #15+35 =50% #like that is not washing ur hands. go back and use soap #btw the numbers for women are 4% never washing and 15% ''just water'' #which is still gross but like. sooo much better yikes #ps i know we're all gay on this site but watching ppl ''correct'' my math on this has been wild #i have a learning disability im genuinely bad at math so i check EVERY time someone corrects me #but no they're just confidently wrong..... #182 hours is a week babes. 182/24 (number of hours in a day) is ~7.6 #that's where i got that number from. also from rent we know there's 168 hours in a week. #ALSO btw if u read this and ur response is ''men are also struggling rn tho'' like babe you missed the point of it tho #this doesn't even make fun of men it's legit just pointing out that bigotry against women isn't founded #in anything men actually CARE about . like they don't actually CARE about ''being clean'' when they make fun of armpit hair #or they would be WASHING THEIR HANDS. #men pretend to be rollin' in cash and Apex Predators and instead they are trained to be lazy and unwilling to act in emergencies #i have never and will never make fun of men for asking for more support on important topics like DV and mental health. #this is so clearly not about men; it's about how common just being plainly misogynistic has become. #like they don't try to hide it anymore.

[lazylittledragon]

do i have to post an in-depth tutorial on how i make my frappes at home if it'll get people to stop going to fucking starbucks

#ramble #boycotting is not hard!!!! it says nothing other than you're a selfish fucking arsehole!!!!!!! #people are dying i don't care if you miss your $12 milkshake #'it's annoying' half of a fucking country is dead #anyway it's so much easier than you think and saves you SO much money #also better for me with ibs because i know exactly what's going into it #i will do this if you want i just have to wait for my new frappe base to arrive bc i've run out

[markscherz]

🐸🚨New Frog Just Dropped!🚨🐸

Meet the ✨Most Beautiful Tree Frog✨, Guibemantis pulcherrimus, a new species described by my colleagues and me in the journal Zootaxa this week. The scientific name 'pulcherrimus' literally means 'most beautiful'. It's a close relative of Guibemantis pulcher (just 'beautiful', ha!), but has more little spots and less pronounced lateral blotches. It's found in the northeast of Madagascar, where it lives in Pandanus screw-palms.

#zoology #science #animals #beautiful #frogs #Guibemantis #Guibemantis pulcherrimus #the most beautiful frog #like if you agree #reblog if you disagree #save as PDF and email to your grandmother to share the good news #fax to your nearest Bureau of Outdated Technology to make sure they don't miss out

[emkini]

For Hearth and Home by @sword-and-stars has been giving me brainrot for the better part of a month

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #atla fanart #fanart of a fanfic #sketch #don't mind me I'm just catching up on what I missed in the fandom the last few years #there are some INCREDIBLY talented people out here I am definitely gonna be making more fic fanart #fun fact I've been wanting to draw for this fic for a WHILE #and what finally inspired me. #was carrie underwood's version of hark the herald angels sing #for SOME REASON? #anyway. stan dadko

[zokenyu]

#one piece #one piece live action #opla #roronoa zoro #sanji #1x8 #my gifs #what's their ship name? #zosan #sanzo #man i do not miss coloring dark scenes #also idk if that's what zoro really said abt sanji's hands #i don't think the cc were right #and i couldn't quite make out if that was the exact line #so forgive me

[kayleerowena]

horror barbies legally distinct pink-themed horror dolls available now from your local t-shirt store!

#kaylee.art #horror art #horror illustration #gothic horror #slasher #final girl #gothic #barbie art #came back wrong #living dead girl #gothic heroine #bonfire #barbie horror #Definitely Not Barbie though. for sure not barbie #thanks to bonfire for being very chill with me updating these designs mid-campaign to not have them taken down haha #figuring out how best to obscure the logo while still keeping the vibes of the piece was fun! even if i do miss the fun text stuff #i did with the logos i do think the individualization there is neat! #scheduling this post at midnight so i don't keep forgetting to post it. hi from 12-hours-ago kaylee! hows it going future-tumblr?

[flickering-nightfall]

Experiments with pupils and mouths that devolved into shenanigans :)

#you can really tell I was having a normal one when I drew these #I like many of the pupil experiments but don't really like mouths on my iterators #i've seen some people do mouths on itties well though #...really enjoyed noisy cat spearmaster with a mouth tbh #no plans on changing how i usually draw things rn. this was just for fun #Sometimes I miss having pupils and mouths to work with (on slugcats and itties) #Not having either on iterators can be a unique challenge that forces me to practice my body language more #which I like drawing anyways so it works out #antennae are suuuper fun to use for expressions too #rain world #flickerdoodles #art #group pic

[frownyalfred]

Alcohol tips for newbie writers (or non drinkers!):

At bars, people who order “chasers” after their shots are ordering something to wash down the taste of their shot with. This can be juice, soda, more alcohol, or even pickle juice

Hard liquor is generally sold in stores as shots (tiny bottles), fifths, liters, and handles or in ml (50, 100, 200 etc)

Most people can’t finish an entire fifth of hard liquor (vodka, etc) on their own without being very ill

Conversely, many people can finish an entire bottle of wine on their own without being ill

Liquor can be “bottom shelf” or “rail” or “well” -- all synonyms for the cheapest version of alcohol a bartender has. Bars generally keep several “levels” of alcohol stocked

You order a drink with the alcohol first, then the mix -- e.g., a “vodka soda” or a “Tito’s and tonic”

When you “close out a tab”, you pay for all of the drinks you’ve had that night. Either the bartender already has your card (you “opened a tab” earlier) or it was quiet enough that they just kept an eye on you and tallied your bill up at the end

“Doubles” are drinks or shots with double the standard pour of alcohol

In the US, most shots (pours) are 1.5 oz by default. 

Mixed drinks (gin and tonic, vodka lemonade, cosmos, etc) are generally made up of 1-2 shots and a mixer 

If you don’t specify which type of alcohol you’d like in a mixed drink (vodka cranberry, for example) the bartender will put whatever the “house” liquor is -- and this depends entirely on the establishment. A dive bar will pour rail by default, whereas a nicer tavern might make all vodka cranberries with Tito’s

PLEASE TIP YOUR BARTENDERS THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU I PROMISE

#especially if you throw up #please tip the hell out of your bartenders they have amazing memories #tips #writing tips #writing #fic #fic tips #fic ideas #alcohol #tw: alcohol #cw: alcohol #fandom #tips for newbie writers #or people who don't drink #but want to write about a bar scene #these are just some points I think are handy #and aren't really taught anywhere #they're just sort of learned along the way #am I missing anything? #add to this

[mintjeru]

"but there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."

open for better quality | no reposts

#n harmonia #natural harmonia gropius #pokemon #pokemon black and white #fanart #myart #doodle #can't believe they dropped the rawest line of the century in a mainline pokemon game. unova remakes when?? #for context one of my friends sent me a video of this trend w/ kvh and it made me think of N so here we are #me the whole time drawing this: please don't let me fall back into my N phase please don't let me fall back into my N phase- #but yeah i haven't drawn him in like what. almost 10 years?? and i'm really proud of how the 2nd piece turned out #younger minty would be so happy i can draw him prettily now lol #also (not so new) trivia drop: did you know g.hetsis' hydreigon has a moveset that can singlehandedly wipe N's party?? #i only just recently found this out and it has horrifying implications #anyway!! tldr i love and missed my boy so i drew him ^^

[elvyn]

Red

#fen'harel #solas #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #my art #I missed drawing with textures #I'm playing something completely different now #but I still can't stop thinking about dragon age #even though we still don't know when new game will finally come out #but hey i can still draw fanart at least

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

#writeblr #i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again #other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding #and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger #godhelpme. #i was always kind of taken aback #because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything “PG-13” because this was my workplace #and it was kind of their workplace #too. besides #i love swearing #and since i couldn't swear #neither could they - so if they were going to say “fuck” or become violent #they needed to choose a really specific time #because we only get “the one”.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific “fuck” utterance. kids listened. #i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them #that censorship is stupid #but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together #also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry #the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy #would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER

[bruciemilf]

I wonder how many times Clark and the batkids + Alfred revived Bruce with the Lazarus Pit and just never told him abt it

#he pieces it together later but i mean. its so hard for him to miss now that hes looking back at it #like why is he always always always cold with a turtleneck on and heating blasting #why is his appetite so scarce? how come his sleep deprived body withstands hours - sometimes DAYS - of patrol #and functions perfectly? how come time passes by but he stays the same? why wont clark and dick stop giving gim #*him looks of loving grief? #why does harley slam her fists on her head when she sees him? ' no no no you're gone. you're GONE. I KNOW you are!' #why does selina smile at him with such heavy pity ' sorry bruce. i don't do ghosts' #bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #batman #batfamily #clark kent #dick grayson #jason todd #bc they def exclude the cloning. they dont want another bruce. they want THEIR bruce. tim #like can you imagine jason getting up in tim's face and just ' if you're not gonna stand by us then stay out of our way' #dark bruce? tired. dark BATKIDS? sign me the FUCK up #batdad #text

[theloveinc]

sugar daddy Bakugo is so funny b/c if he's paying your tuition he's getting mad if you don't go to class

#bakugo #he asks to go out one night and ur like #'i have class ill just skip tho' and he's like. um. actually i don't wanna go out anymore that night lets try saturday #UR SO SEE THROUGH SIR #u tell him u caught a cold and missed two days and he's asking what assignments you missed #you dont want his help bc he's mean but he's trying to help LMFAOOO #this is so funny to me #anyway i was hecka late to class and when i woke up (slept thru my alarm) i texted my friend if it was still worth it to go #and she was just 'yes' GIRL PLEASE #but she bought me starbucks so i forgive her #anyway #good morning ! #shii posts #gen