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#for the wait but i hope you still liked it!

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#personal#today i made smth really big#well big for me#while my dad was waiting at the pharmacy i went alone to buy some bread so it'd make us buy time#and i was so nervous i battled with myself about if i went or not before deciding to go and#while going i was still anxious but i was so proud of myself after#that's such a stupid thing right? like everyone does that and at my big age it still makes me anxious to do so#but that's how it is and that's why it's a big accomplishment for me and#basically that's just me telling you not to give up if you're battling with mental illness bc if you followed me on#my old blogs you prob know how much of a mess i was and that was only half of it showing online hahahfhshd#but today after taking meds for almost a year and working on myself i'm able to do so many stuff that i wouldn't even#have thought about before without literally crying for anxiety#and even tho i'm still not like the best a'd able to do everything like other people etc i'm so much better and i'm glad i#asked for help and didn't give up#okay idk why i said this story that must seem dumb but i'm thinking some people might be in the same situation as me and#i'm just like i want to give some hope to them? when we're in a bad place we don't think things will get better ever but they do#i didn't believe it back then so prob someone who read that will be like 'sure.....' but trust me#my life didn't miraculously became the best honestly there's some stuff that are still not good and i try not to think of the future tjfksh#but that's a slow process and today i think it's worth it#anyway......tjdjqhfh sorry i'm not good with words i feel this is kinda dumb but yeah i just wanted to say it 😭#also this blog is truly dead eh idk i don't feel like being here idk if it'll come back fjjs#i don't gif anymore either sooooo#if you miss me (😌🌸) i'm on twt @/etoileminho or my trade insta acc @/minyoohtrade bc these days i'm obsessed with my collection tjfkshfj#anyway should go to sleep bc i have an appointment tomorrow (jobs stuff kinda hmmm it'd be nice if i could get smth at home or idk 😭) and#then i'm gonna get my new phone i'm excited bc this one is DEAD truly but going through the process of reinstalling everything and stuff#already makes me tired jgjsfh
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it’s like. ik the original plan was to have queen of hell phoebe extend into like s5 which like. tg it didn’t i’m not a big fan of s5 as it stands but like at least the charmed ones were still the charmed ones y’know. but yeah. phoebe’s kid. like. i mean okay let’s start with the beginning of season four phoebe isn’t even sure if she’s ready to get married. she has the vision of herself as this wild free spirit, to get married is together herself to the earth and become a more grounded woman, someone less like herself. and she is genuinely unsure if she can make that commitment, she doesn’t know if she can become that person. if she even wants to become that person. and for all the mess phoebe went through in s4 i think we do see a lot of character development from her i mean this is the season where she gets a steady job and starts to build the career she will have through the rest of the show she had been in a committed relationship for like a season and a half she is far from the flighty ditzy spirited phoebe we met in season one. like s1 phoebe was not ready to be a mother. hell s4 phoebe wasn’t even sure if she was ready to be a wife. but we was her grow we saw her finally start to plant roots and grow and she was ready to have a child she was excited to have a child and this really was like a marker that pushes her to like her s6 manic state like you can’t jump from s1 phoebe to s6 phoebe you need a bridge s4 was that bridge the only issue was that bridge is a bit of a dicey subject so like we pretend it just doesn’t exist. but like. phoebe was going to be a mom. and yes the whole thing was a really traumatic experience yes she was being fed a concentrated dose of pure evil to keep her source baby insane but it being traumatic doesn’t mean it didn’t happen in fact as it goes it usually means it was more of an impact. i mean even with piper’s pregnancy as baby wyatt started to do wild tricks from the womb we got nothing from phoebe nothing like idc if the seer masterminded u getting knocked up you were going to be a mom!! u were looking forward to it!!!! and to see a baby of good magic kinda pulling the same stunts your “abomination” quote unquote did like does that not get the gears turning? does that not get you caught in the what-ifs?? and it wouldn’t be the first time we see phoebe turn to magic to get the answers to her own personal problems hell she does it all the time but i think the source’s heir will always be one of her biggest what ifs. even after she’s found coop and settled down and had three beautiful daughters of her own what if. what if cole never became the source. what if i had stayed the queen of hell. what if i got to keep my baby. what if i got to see him, to hold him in my arms, to raise him. what if pj parker and peyton had an older half brother. what if it doesn’t matter what your born from but rather who you grow to become. like it doesn’t matter where you are now is where you always wanted to end up. scars don’t heal. they’re there forever. and i think this really could have given phoebe a great new depth and introspectiveness away from the more impulsive behavior she seems to indulge in

#anyway i think it would be funnie if phoebe did cast a spell to go see how her could would have ended up#between you and me i think she would actually be hoping for a world of destruction#just so she can feel okay about never having that kid#seeing that the kid was just evil#and it wasn't on her#of course that's more surface#deep down she wants to see somebody who is the source but who is still charmed#even if she couldn't save cole she could save her son#and i think this would be best done if she was like#like imma do this real quick but i don't wanna anyone to know or come along bc this is embarrassing also this is a me problem#so she waits til everyone's left the house but unbeknownst to her paige has just orbed into the kitchen to grab her lunch real quick#and she and paige both get knocked into a world where the source's heir lives and paige is like hi phoebe where are we & what did u do#and phoebe's like oh hhahha lmao nothing major i just wanted to um. see my son.#and paige is like when u say son you mean the sources heir who tried to throw me out a window right or is there another kid ur talking abou#and phoebes like no yeah that's the one#but i think paige esp being like a Social Worker whitelighter blah blah blah she gets it she's not gonna give phoebe too much shit#she'll go along on this adventure#and u know they're looking around paige is like well this isn't a post apocalyptic hellscape so like dub#blah blah blah they bump into dency in some unknown circumstances where they dont recognize each other they chat yadda yadda yadda#& phoebe's so focused on finding Her Son that she misses the obvious right in front of her and paige is just looking at dency like wait#and dency leaves and phoebe was like that was nice but lets go find my kid#and paige is like did u ever get a sonogram or r u projecting gender roles onto ur unborn baby#and phoebe's like what. wait. and they run after dency just in time 2 see her flame out#charmed#phoebe halliwell#💌
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Going to lay this project to rest.
Untethered was a comic book story I started when I was seventeen. It told the story of Kiko, a man trapped in an infinite reincarnation loop and Owen, a working student whose family escaped a cult when he was young. Due to their life situations and trauma caused by past they both exist alone in this world, unable to connect to anyone, feeling trapped and floating in a deep sense of nihilism. Ironically to two people opposed to spiritualism, their meeting is like faith. The shared connection becomes everything for both of them, but navigating that in an unforgiving world is not easy.

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hello, welcome back to kerry weaver fanart hour and also i’m sorry

this is from chapter 4 of @sapphicsandscience‘s I’m Still Here and this is my official encouragement/bribe/begging for you to finish the next chapter bc this is the image that is stuck in my head until you do

so now i get to inflict it on all of you too you’re welcomeeee

im having the most fun working on these fic inspired projects wow

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i know i cry a lot and im over emotional and just a few weeks ago i was apathetic and having a hard time but its been… two weeks and this is the longest ive happy?? its an actual record for me and i can’t stop feeling happy and hopeful && i know thats probably a lot of things (i finally finished my drk collection, the years over, ive found comfort in madratdead, ive been been getting along with my family, i have a lot of things that bring me joy atm!) but this is the longest ive stayed happy && functional and even though its really silly i keep thinking that im so happy to be alive, even if my reasons for thinking so are really stupid, and i havent felt happy to be alive since the first two years of highschool… i think im gonna be okay.

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i am not thinking about implications

#lulu.txt#999 lb#im. im so close of just replaying that ending again but then i remember the part after u get out of door 6 took me#like. HOURS for some reason i think my brain was o(-< all the time..........but also........i am thinking#wait when i say replaying i mean just continue the save i saved (help) via the emulator bc i thought it would be important#god im still so fucking angry at ace. fuck you. really there is something deeply wrong with him#he was responsible for the last nonary game i. man. you are horrible i am going to beat you to death#HE ALREADY KNEW. ABOUT THIS SHIP HE ALREADY KNEW THE PLACE he knows where everything is so.......😐 man.#he already knew that the doors 7 and 8 would lead back to the big hospital room so he was like#''omg...guys u can leave me behind its okay i trust u...i know u will come back here later once u get out of here ☺️'' NO!!!!!!!#he fills me with rage i hope he gets hit by a car. since they cant lock him in the incinerator again bc. the last 9 door is there but#wait a moment hold on.....hold on.............that door is probably the true last door so#the rules will still apply to it. only 3-5 people can go through it.....MAN I HOPE NOT NOOOOO IM SO WORRIED RIGHT NOW#looking away i am........i really am......also wait i will talk about other stuff once i replay the scene so many thoughts are rotating in#my head i GRRRRR GRRRRR I HATE ACE SO MUCH this game said#''we will kill the character u hate the most and make u hate him even more BUT your two favorite characters will also die. fuck you ☺️''#anyways. anyways.......rly curious that the 0 bracelet actually has a 6 number huh......uh huh um yup.................😐#also. santa my friend where were you....june was like. just there. she disappeared.........but santa was nowhere to be seen#o(-<................the message from zero at the end made me so o(-< MAN. like. zero's plan didnt work they didnt want to kill any innocent#people only the ones that were behind the fucked up experiment so. once clover died and snake too.........#people that werent supposed to die ended up dying. man..............okay anyways at least now with what happened from this ending i know th#''wrong answer. actually...i am santa'' quote wasnt related to zero IM SO GLAD. i did not believe santa was zero i was like. man. its not#him that quote is probably to make the player confused so after that u would think hes more suspicious given what happened on the ending#like HELLO but......i dont think its him its someone else *looks around* i know....i know these people have a plan but i am scared 😔 i just#want them to be okay....... so many stuff already happened to them i hope the moment they step out of this ship they go to therapy.#plans for after the nonary game with ur new besties 😊💔 did they even go to therapy after the first nonary game or o(-<#santa probably didnt go to therapy. he has trust issues i am so sorry santa.....mr eboy 😔#anyways. fuck ace everyone hates ace i want this old man to DIE. DIE GRANDPA WE HATE YOU godddd he. he described how he killed clover i#fuck you!
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im worried that this night might end before we ever get the chance to talk to one another so i’d like to queue this sooner rather than later and i if we talk if you get here and we can talk then i’ll take it out but this is going to come out at 11:30 you’ll have half an hour to find it and that should be enough. and im going to talk in the tags because i don’t really know what to say.

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the do it for her meme but it’s just Q star trek

#in other news I'm moping boys#like idk what I have if it's hyperempathy or whatever I know I'm too invested#Q showed up in 9 tng episodes. NINE. for a show with like eight seasons#and from what we've seen of pic so far he probably won't be on it which sucks#I also know he shows up in other star trek media but if there's no picard then what's the point lol. it's why he didn't work on ds9 *or* voy#so then I'm like. sure. fanfic amirite#filters: language english. relationship qcard. completed works. 291#don't get me wrong those with rarepairs I know this might seem a lot but I literally just came out of a long witcher phase (still in it but)#and geraskier is pretty much universal jesus it's like the hottest thing in this site ever since good omens#also TOS spirk fucked me up because there are so many more fics of them#anyway I'm just. sad that there is such little Q content n Qcard content especially and yeah it's stupid but honestly I'm sad man I'm moping#I hope I run out of gas before I run out of content but if i DO run out of content for them I will cry they are so perfect#like PLEASE bring him back in the picard show or something he needs a reinassance and as much as I love lower decks it's just not enough#like literally if tng had come out in the 10s it would have been INSANE. tumblr would LOSE IT. he's The tumblr-sexyman-in-waiting#(yeah I hate being attracted to him too . got a problem . /j)#anyway give tng a chance and give Q a chance WRITE MORE QCARD is what I'm saying#like literally. those 291 fics were *before* I filtered it out. there'll be like 50 that I like TOPS and that's putting the bar on the FLOOR#yeah I know I'm overly empathetic to characters who don't even know I exist . so what have you been doing lately#ugh. I hate this#cw: vent#I suppose#personal#god I really do need a post tag
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