#harry styles x reading

[cupid-styles]

silk and rope

the long awaited ddlg harry and yn pairing has finally arrived!!!

some general disclaimers: I've never been in a relationship like this myself nor have I experimented too much with proper bdsm techniques, so there may be some things that are wrong in this!!!! I did research and tried my best to make it as accurate as possible but pls don't come for me if something isn't right ok thank yoooouuuuuu!!!!!!!

word count: 10.6k

content warnings: daddy dom and sub/little yn relationship, big ol’ daddy kink, basically just a lot of smut (bondage, overstimulation, use of toys, dirty talk, f oral, penetration), discussions of subspace and crappy sexual experiences (nothing forced), yn in little/sub space

"Y/N, I just don't think this is working out anymore."

Normally, Y/N is able to see this coming.

In the past, she's had 20/20 hindsight, predicted when whatever man she was seeing — or rather, submitting to — had finally gotten bored of her, and been able to paste a smile on her face when it finally happened. She could bite her tongue hard enough to prevent the flush that would eventually warm her entire body with embarrassment, mumble out some nonsense response ("okay, that's fine, I appreciate the time we spent together", which was usually a lie anyway), give them a halfhearted hug and let them go.

Todd, however? The world's worst dominant? She seriously can't believe that Todd of all people is ending things.

Realistically, Y/N doesn't really care that Todd isn't interested in dominating her anymore. He was shit at aftercare and only paid attention to maintaining a sexual relationship, as opposed to an emotional one, too. (Y/N's profile specifically said that she was looking for a dominant inside and outside of the bedroom.) So, when it comes down to it, it's fine that Todd is putting a stop to their rather lackluster relationship, but Y/N is unprepared.

Typically, at this point, she already has a date with another dominant lined up for 24 hours from now. She's already talking to other people, listing out her hard limits and what she's looking for, maybe even switching her photos around to change things up after being on this god forsaken website for a year and a half.

And maybe she, too, was so unsatisfied with Todd that she wasn't paying enough attention to realize the end was coming. 

But with her slightly squinted eyes and half-open jaw, it must seem that she's in some sort of immediate stage of heartbreak (she's not, she's just surprised), because Todd goes to sling his arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to the side of her head.

"It's not you, babe, it's me," he says, and it makes Y/N want to elbow him in the ribs, "Really, you were great. Fantastic every time. Just think I'm looking for someone a little bit more... emotionally stable, y'know?"

That's what breaks Y/N out of her trance, so she quickly rises from her couch and wordlessly opens the front door. 

"Thanks. You can go now."

With furrowed eyebrows, Todd stands up, as if he was expecting her to get down on her knees and grovel at his feet, begging him to stay.

"See, this is what I'm talking about, babe— one second you're all quiet and mousey, and the next you're trying to boss me around like I'm the submissive," he feens offense as he pulls his sneakers on, "I think you should probably get your brain together before you start seeing someone else, it's a real mindfuck."

"Okay," Y/N smiles tightly, gesturing outside to the chilly evening. "See you around, Todd."

The confused expression remains on Todd's face but thankfully, he leaves without another word. Y/N lets out a deep sigh as she shuts the door behind him and locks it up. She grabs one of the leftover muffins she made at work today, plops down on the couch, and turns on the TV to find a show to fall asleep to.

. . .

If Harry's being honest, the bar is the last place he wants to be right now.

And he would be at home if he hadn't blown his friends off for the past three weeks, and Claire hadn't stopped by his desk while he was packing his things up, threatening to kidnap him if he wasn't planning on attending this evening. 

He feels bad, especially because he knows he has the tendency to prioritize work over his friends, so he shoots her a tight smile and tells her to lead the way. 

So now he's at their usual booth in the corner, slowly nursing a lukewarm beer that he'd ordered an hour ago when they arrived. He's halfway listening to a story Lea is telling about her shitty on-again, off-again boyfriend, occasionally suppressing the urge to yawn. He glances down at the watch on his wrist to read the time and promises himself that he'll stay another 30 minutes before ducking out. 

Truthfully, he's bored, and he's tired, and his bed is calling to him in a way that's almost painful. He occupies himself by people-watching, trying to guess who's on first dates or, like him and his friends, getting together for weekly drinks. It's only then that he zeroes in on her — Y/N, that is — sitting alone at the bar top, slightly hunched over as she taps on her phone, a glass of wine in the other hand. 

Harry doesn't know Y/N that well. He knows that she went to college with Naomi, who started inviting her to things around a year ago, and now she's always just around. He's unsure if she actually likes any of them besides Naomi, though — she's quiet and introverted, which Harry respects and understands, but the one-on-one conversations they've had are few and far between. 

But that's why his interest is piqued in the first place. He's never witnessed her sitting alone at the bar, and a twinge of concern fires through him as he watches her. He clears his throat and turns back to the table, unintentionally cutting Lea off. 

"Is Y/N okay?" he asks, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the bar.

"What? I didn't even know she was here," Lea says as she peers over with a shrug, "Seems fine to me."

She continues on with her story and Harry rolls his eyes, grabbing his pint and striding over to where Y/N is sitting. He props himself up on the stool next to her and waves the bartender down, pointing to his glass. 

"Hey, Y/N," Harry greets easily as his glass gets refilled. She looks up from her phone and immediately locks it, as if he's tearing her from some deep thinking, surprised that anyone would come to bother her in a busy pub. "How are you?"

With slightly parted lips, she looks a bit bewildered. "Um... I'm fine. How are you, Harry?"

He swallows, glancing down at the half-full glass of white wine she's drinking. He's never actually seen her drunk, despite near-weekly meetups at this pub. She seems tipsy, not fully under water, though decently buzzed. 

"I'm good, thanks," he forces a smile onto his lips as an effort to seem as though he's not concerned for her wellbeing. "I saw you over here and realized I didn't even say hi to you."

Y/N shrugs. "I didn't really feel like socializing tonight. Naomi kind of dragged me here."

"Ah, Claire did the same to me," Harry replies understandingly, nodding his head, "Said she'd kidnap me if I didn't come out."

She scoffs at that before tilting the glass back towards her lips, taking another hearty gulp. He doesn't miss the thin wince she makes as the liquid touches her tongue, swallowing it down quickly. 

"Is it 'cos you got broken up with, too?" 

Harry's eyes widen at her question, but she's already looked past him, zoning out with a bleary look. 

"Oh... I'm sorry, Y/N. Do you want to talk about it?" 

He's not great at emotional conversations, especially with people he barely knows, but he supposes it's a decent explanation for why she's in this state. He's content with lending a shoulder to cry on, he decides, because he doubts Naomi had done the same.

"It wasn't really a breakup, it's fine," she mutters with a dismissive wave of her hand. "We weren't dating, is what I mean."

Although she attempts at some sort of explanation, Harry's still confused, but he nods as if he understands. 

"Was it like a friends with benefits situation?" he guesses, and she shrugs noncommittally. 

"Kind of."

"So it was complicated, then," Harry murmurs. He gets that — he's been there a thousand times over, and he understands the pain associated with those types of situations.

"It wasn't," she shakes her head, and now Harry knows she's just spewing out drunken nonsense, "He was my... dominant. Or tried to be. He was really fucking shitty at it."

Dominant?

The familiar word echoes through the chambers of Harry's mind. He's certainly not unacquainted with dominant and submissive dynamics, but he's shocked — more than, really — that Y/N refers to a typically taboo word in such a casual way. He chalks it up to the alcohol, but he's still surprised that Y/N even had a dominant to begin with.

"I met him on one of those stupid seeking arrangements websites, which honestly never produces good results," Y/N continues, making Harry's eyes widen even more. He's sure that she would never reveal this information to any of their mutual friends, let alone him of all people. "Every dom I've had from there has been... whatever. But he was particularly awful, and he just ended things out of nowhere. Normally I like to have someone else lined up, but... yeah."

Even in her alcohol-fueled state, Y/N realizes that she's rambling, providing far too many personal details to Harry, who she rarely talks to. She knows she'll be ridiculously embarrassed by the entire evening as soon as the wine drunk haze wears off, but for now, Harry's on the receiving end of her secrets.

Harry clears his throat and straightens his posture, sitting up a little taller. "Well, you said it yourself. Those sites are shitty, the dominants on there are usually just looking to experiment for the first time and they don't know what they're doing. The local BDSM community is your best bet... clubs and gatherings and such."

Y/N wrinkles her eyebrows and peers at Harry beside her. He's looking straight ahead and nibbling on his bottom lip, his hand firmly grasped around his glass. She doesn't know much about Harry besides the fact that he works at some large company with a relatively well-off position. He's gorgeous, of course, and has flings with people here and there but otherwise, her knowledge of what him is... well, almost non-existent. 

It wasn't totally impossible — the likelihood that Harry, like Y/N, was involved in similar sexual dynamics. She wouldn't classify herself as part of the BDSM community, but perhaps it was because she'd never dove headfirst into learning about it outside of what she's interested in. She felt that what she looked for in a dominant was rather... specific. 

"Do you... are you...?" Y/N doesn't quite know how to phrase the question, "are you a dom?" without sounding like a total creep, so she allows him to fill in the blanks. His throat bobs as he takes a sip of his beer, shrugging his shoulders tersely. 

"Yeah," he finally answers. "Not very consistently, I guess, but I'll take on a sub a few times year. Usually for a few months."

She nods slowly, squinting her eyes a bit as she tries to picture it. She's not sure what type of dominant Harry is — whether he's sweet and soft, or tough and enjoys pushing his subs to their limit each and every time — but regardless, the mere thought of it is enough to make her squeeze her thighs.

"What about you?" he asks, shifting his position to face her. "It sounds like you go through doms kind of... quickly."

Y/N hums, "Kind of, I guess. I think I have kind of... like, particular needs, and not everyone is interested in it."

It's the most they've ever spoken to one another, and Harry doesn't even think before he's asking her what exactly she looks for in a dominant. He's immediately embarrassed — he doesn't know what made him question her so openly, but he can't help his curiosity. 

She waves his slight exasperation off, clearly not offended by his press for details.

"Can I just ask that you don't tell anyone?" Y/N says, looking at the man sitting next to her. "It's like, a little embarrassing, and I've never told our friends about it. Not even Naomi."

"Of course," Harry quips. He's always been good at keeping those types of things under wraps — he didn't believe anyone had anything to gain by learning about someone's sexual interests.

"I... I guess I have some trauma stemming from childhood that I've worked through in recent years. It's not important to this, but I tend to look for dominants who fulfill more of a caretaker role. I like to be... taken care of. In certain ways."

Her cheeks flush as the words leave her mouth as he listens to her closely. He's not sure if he's reading between the lines, looking too far into her explanation, but he gets it. He thinks. 

"So... a daddy dom?" Harry asks softly. Y/N rolls her lips into her mouth and nods curtly. 

"That's nothing to be embarrassed about," he murmurs once he receives confirmation, "A lot of people like that type of relationship. I can understand why you'd be interested in it, especially if you have trauma."

She shrugs. "A lot of people think it's weird, too."

"Sure, but those aren't the people you should be seeking relationships out with," Harry replies easily, "What do you look for specifically? I'm sure we could find someone for you in the community."

Y/N lets a deep breath out, rolling her neck to each of her shoulders. She can't believe they're having this conversation in public, but she'd be lying if she said Harry wasn't easy to talk to. Plus, at the night went on, more people filed out of the bar considering it was a weekday. 

"It's not necessarily age play I'm after, which I think a lot of people think is what I want," she explains, "Just like... a caregiver, I guess, that's there for me both in and out of the bedroom. I, um... on bad days, fall into a... headspace, and it's very difficult to navigate that on my own. If that makes sense."

"Makes perfect sense," Harry nods. "Are you looking for punishments and such?"

"Yeah." she breathes, nibbling at her lip as she crosses her legs, attempting to mitigate the dull throbbing in her core. 

"Y/N, do you have my number?"

She swallows as she peers up at him through her eyelashes, shaking her head. He puts his hand out and she grabs her phone, placing it in his palm. He taps at the screen and she assumes he's putting his information in her contacts.

"Claire drove me here so I can't give you a ride home, but I'm gonna order you an Uber so you can head home," he murmurs lowly, handing her phone back to her. "Text me tomorrow. Can we get together after work?"

Y/N nods with slightly rounded eyes, making him smile gently. He realizes she must be more depraved than he thought if she's already slipping into her little space from an act as simple from that.

"Keep it together 'til you get home," Harry says with a quirked eyebrow, though embarrassment quickly washes over Y/N's body. He chuckles as she blushes, patting her thigh lightly. "I'll walk you out." 

She grabs her bag and follows him out of the bar, welcoming the autumnal chill as it pimples her skin. 

"Are you gonna slip on the way back?"

Y/N looks up to see Harry towering over her, a concerned expression on his face. 

"N-no. I'm fine."

He continues analyzing her for a moment or two more before he finally nods once. "Okay. If you feel yourself getting there, call me."

"I won't. I promise." 

Harry hums as a black sedan rolls up to the curb. He checks to make sure it's the correct license plate before guiding her to the car and holding the door open for her. She gets in the backseat and he nods at the driver, murmuring down at her, "seatbelt on."

She complies readily and he smiles, patting her head softly. "Message me when you get home. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, Harry."

20 minutes later when he receives a text from her stating that she's made it home safely, he already knows he'll do anything to be her dominant.

. . .

Harry half expects Y/N to pretend like last night ever happened. 

He would understand it if she did. She was tipsy, revealing intimate details about her sexual preferences pertaining to BDSM. No one else from their friend group knew. It just ended up coming out for both of them — Harry doesn't parade his dominant role in the bedroom all around town, but if someone he knows asks, he's happy to admit to it and talk more about it. He's not ashamed by any means, but he can tell that Y/N is. She prefaced her explanation by stating that she has trauma — and really, who doesn't? — and hinted that dominants in the past have found her requests to be weird. 

Harry doesn't think the whole daddy dom thing is strange. He understands it, especially pertaining to a psychological, healing level. He's never engaged in that sort of dynamic before, typically sticking to scratching the itch his submissives usually had, whether it be getting tossed around a little, orgasm denial, or being tied up. He was happy to do what made them happy, but he usually kept it in the bedroom. 

The thought of taking up a caregiver role in Y/N's life made his spine tingle. 

He's always been interested in her — not even in a romantic or sexual way, he's always just found her fascinating. She's quiet and shy, beautiful, and the definition of a wallflower. Naomi brought her in one day and she just never left. It's been a year since then and Harry doesn't think she's spoken more than 15 words to the others.

And so, with all of this knowledge under his belt, he spends his day at work worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and constantly unlocking his phone. When he gets home that evening, narrowly avoiding Claire's proposal at more social interaction, he's lost all hope, even though he did tell her to text him when she was finished with work. He's properly pouting as he sits on his couch, knees to his chest, when his phone lights up on the coffee table in front of him.

From: Y/N Y/L/N

hey harry:) first of all, im so sorry about last night. i was clearly having a tough day and i definitely took advantage of u being willing to chat with me, so im sorry if i revealed too much or took you away from everyone else.. i know u don't go out often and im really sorry if i ruined it 

im also not sure if you still have interest in what we talked about last night w helping me find someone... its totally ok if you've changed ur mind or you were just drunk or whatever. again, i know i was being a lot so no worries!! sorry! just lmk :)

Harry's heart squeezes as he reads over her repeated apologies. In two texts, she said variations of "I'm sorry" four times. She thought she had ruined his night in some way when it was the complete opposite. 

His thumbs hover over the screen as he thinks of a response. He's over the moon that she still decided to text him and that she'd avoiding the path of pretending nothing happened. In all honesty, he's unsure if he could live with himself when he had all those images and thoughts of her in his head, knowing that they'd just moved on from it.

Hey Y/N. Please don't apologize for last night, I had a really nice time talking to you. I'm definitely still interested. Are you available tonight?

She's quick in her reply, which makes him smile. He can imagine the way she's probably alternating between biting her lip and picking at the skin around her fingernails, both of which he assumed were nervous habits that he picked up on last night.

ok if you say so.. and yes im free! i was planning on ordering some takeout if ur interested, i don't really have any food here that isn't a baked good lol

Harry chuckles at that. Claire mentioned once that Y/N works at the bakery close to the park he does his morning jogs through. When he passes by at early sunrise, the windows are often illuminated with a warm glow, and he wonders if it's coming from her.

That's okay, I was planning on cooking if you'd like me to bring you some. I have ingredients for a stir fry. Would that be okay?

She replies with what he can only describe as a bashful but affirmative answer (only if you're sure!! but that sounds great!) and sends a second message with her address. He's beaming as he chops up vegetables and sautes them up rice noodles and homemade peanut sauce, indulging in the simple act of cooking for Y/N. 

Last night, after he'd gotten home from the bar, he'd done some research on daddy dom relationships. He knew of them, but if he was going to offer being Y/N's, he wanted to ensure that he was knowledgable on anything she could want. He learned that there were many different facets of that type of dynamic, some of which he was comfortable with and some of which he wasn't. Like any other dominant and submissive relationship, hard and soft limits would be discussed, but this one, Harry realized, wouldn't just consist of kinks he had no interest in engaging in. 

As he spoons the finished stir fry into a plastic container to take to Y/N's, his stomach brews with butterflies. He's never expressed interest in dominating someone he already knows in real life. Those relationships existed purely in the confides of the bedroom. It's a commitment, he understands, to engage in such an agreement with her. 

So why isn't he scared?

. . .

"This is delicious, Harry," Y/N all but moans over her serving of stir fry, chopsticks in hand. He smiles before biting into a piece of broccoli coated in peanut sauce.

"I'm glad you like it. It's a go-to dish for me, especially on weekdays when I'm exhausted from work."

She hums, nodding thoughtfully as she chews. A temporary silence takes over as they eat, ended by Harry eventually clearing his throat and gently placing his bowl on the table. 

"So, about finding you a dom," he says, and her eyes perk up slightly, as if she's an over-excited puppy. "I have a proposition."

"Oh, you found someone already?"

"Sort of," Harry answers vaguely, "I think— well, no, I know. I would be interested in taking that place."

Y/N raises her eyebrows. She sets her own bowl of food on the table and purses her lips as she chews the rest of the contents in her mouth. 

"I don't think you want that." she says gently. 

"Why?" he shoots back, a near immediate response, "I spent all night and day thinking about it. I do."

Y/N sighs, "Because it's more than just spanking me when I have an attitude with you or cooking me a meal. I can be a lot, Harry, and it's the reason why I've gone through so many dominants already."

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you go through so many because they're the problem?" Harry asks. "You lay it all out on the table, right? You tell them exactly what you're looking for. Everything you told me last night."

She nods.

"And they still agree. You tell them you want a dominant outside of the bedroom, too, that the 'daddy' role you're looking for is a caretaker," Harry continues, "So how does that make you the issue?"

"Because what I'm looking for is... unconventional," she fights back, convinced in her stance. "Guys think the whole daddy thing is hot until... until I actually need them."

"It's not unconventional, Y/N. I did a ton of research last night. There are a million sites explaining what a DDLG relationship is and what it can consist of. The things that go into it on both sides, but especially on the dominant's. I'm not saying I know everything about being one, but I've at least cared to learn."

Y/N sighs and rolls her lips into mouth. She'll admit, she's impressed. She's not sure any guy she's ever been with has done that.

"So... what would you want, then?" Y/N asks, her voice softened. 

"Well, I definitely have limits, but it's mainly dependent on what you're interested in," Harry explains. She finds that he's far too nonchalant for his own good, and the casual nature of his tone makes her even more nervous. 

"If you did some research then I'm sure you learned about the extents it can go to," she says thoughtfully and he nods, resting his chin in his palm, "I don't have a desire for the more extreme things. Diapers and pacifiers and all that." 

"Okay." 

She's taken aback by his lack of response — part of her expected some sort of "oh, thank god" — but she's starting to wonder if Harry just simply exists in a nonjudgmental space. One that she's very much not used to. 

"I just want someone to take care of me," she eventually forced out, setting her gaze on her bare thighs, a pair of lavender sweatshorts hung around her hips. "I can be bratty both in bed and out. I like to be put in my place. I enjoy being teased and humiliated. I like punishments and being pushed to my limits, even if I give you a hard time about it. I've been described as a handful when I'm feeling... little."

Harry had read a decent amount about "little space" last night. He'd dominated some partners to the point of falling into subspace, but little space seemed to differ. With his base knowledge on submission, he was able to tell that she was slipping into hers last night, giving him the inkling that making decisions for her and taking away the guess work was something she liked. 

"I'm sure you're not, but all of those things are fine by me," Harry replies easily, "What do you like when you're feeling little?"

"It depends on what put me there. If I had a bad day at work, I like a bath and you cooking for me... I get really touchy. If it happens from a sexual scenario, it can be quite difficult to pull me out. But I get really quiet... I'll be more pliable, allow you to throw me around. I'll usually cry, but if you're doing things correctly, they won't be bad tears. Just from overwhelm."

"What sexual scenarios put you there?"

She clears her throat, her tongue thick in her mouth. Thinking about these things is enough to make her slip, but she won't disclose that. At least not right now. 

"A number of things... edging or orgasm denial, being tied up and gagged. Anal since it requires trust and prepping. Any type of punishment, but especially spanking."

Harry's nodding his head as she speaks, apparent that he's processing everything she's telling him. He's not surprised by anything, per se, considering he's open to different experiences and nothing seems undoable. It's as if he's making a mental list, adding a separate section to his brain with Y/N's name plastered over it, filing away the information.

"What about when you're not feeling little?" Harry proceeds with little befuddlement, "What does the ideal dominant look like for you then?"

"Um... still just loving and caring. I likely won't be as bratty. More... in control of myself, I suppose," Y/N murmurs in reflection. "I would still like to have scenes with you when I'm not in that headspace, if that's alright. I'm not sure if it would be crossing a boundary."

"Of course." he answers readily without a blink of doubt, "When I embark on a dominant and submissive relationship, I don't like to half-ass it. I don't think there's a point in only asking for me when you need me. You'll never find comfort in me when you're feeling small."

Her heart warms at that, flutters in her tummy making it difficult to hide the smile curling at her lips. She assumes that she should've guessed Harry would be good at this type of thing; she's witnessed how deeply he cares for people. Even when they barely knew each other, he always greeted Y/N like they'd known one another for years, asking about her job at the bakery (she doesn't even remember if she told him he worked at one) and what sweets they were creating nowadays. 

She thinks Harry just has a way of making people feel special. 

It's what makes her core tingle, squeezing her thighs together for a semblance of relief as she rolls her lips into her mouth. She can feel herself starting to dampen in her underwear and she glances down at Harry's lower half, peeking through her eyelashes to see if he has a growing bulge. 

"Do you think we can do a scene tonight, maybe?" Y/N asks softly, glancing back up at his eyes. 

Harry chuckles. "I take it you think I'd be a good fit for you then."

"Mhm." 

"You're cute," he smirks and pinches her thigh lightly, "No scenes tonight though. I can come over tomorrow, but I want to properly feed you and make sure you're hydrated before we do anything."

Y/N nods as she nibbles on her bottom lip. If she's being honest, she wants nothing more than to crawl into Harry's lap, parting her thighs and grinding into him while he babbles dirty words into her ear. She's always found him attractive, but knowing that he's willing to cater to her own sexual desires lights a fire deep in her stomach. 

"I'm gonna head home, but I'm looking forward to getting started with you," Harry says with a small smile, "Oh, one more thing — no touching yourself tonight."

Her eyes widen as he stands from the couch, ready to grovel; they haven't even begun doing anything yet and he's already telling her what to do—

"Y/N," Harry growls, reaching up to grab her face. He squishes her cheeks together and her pupils broaden, surprised by his sudden change in demeanor. "Nod if you understand."

She nods.

"Good girl. I'll text you when I'm coming over tomorrow. I'll bring you dinner again."

Again, she nods.

"Say 'thank you', Y/N."

"Thank you, daddy."

Harry's lips curl into a smirk, releasing his grasp. "Oh, we're gonna have fun together."

. . .

The next day, Y/N can't stop squirming. 

It's to the point where her co-workers notice that she's jumpier than normal, clumsy in her icing and piping when she's normally spot-on and nearly perfect in her efforts. She hears from Harry a few times throughout the day — he texts her in the morning and during his lunch break, checking in to see how she's doing, and it makes her entire body swarm with butterflies. He asks if she's eating a proper lunch (she's not), scolds her for it (which she secretly enjoys), and then tells her he'll make her something for her to take to work tomorrow.

Thankfully, she doesn't have a closing shift today, so she's done at a little past 6 pm. It's to her surprise, though, when she's peeling off her flour-coated apron, she spots Harry standing outside the bakery, a cozy cardigan and a graphic t-shirt covering his body. 

Y/N has to do a double take. He didn't say anything about meeting her at work this evening, but he has to be here for her, doesn't he? 

After sliding her jacket on and grabbing her tote bag, she exits the bakery, closing the glass door behind her gingerly. Harry turns, his eyes lighting up when he sees her.

"Hey," he greets with a grin, "Have a good day at work?"

"Um, yeah, it was alright. Sorry, did we say you would pick me up? I must've forgotten—"

"Oh, no," Harry shakes his head as he jerks his head in the direction of his car, reaching out to slide her bag off of her shoulder. He takes it into his hand, his fingers wrapping around the canvas strap as she shuffles to keep up. "I finished making dinner a little early, figured I'd meet you here. Is that alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's really nice of you, thank you."

Harry hums as they approach his car. He unlocks the doors and they both get in, but he leans over before she has a chance to buckle herself up, clicking her seatbelt in. It's a small act that makes the butterflies return, but she doesn't comment on it as he starts the engine and begins the short drive back to hers. 

"I made us some veggie pasta for dinner tonight. Does that sound good?" 

"Delicious," Y/N replies honestly as she watches blurs of warm-toned leaves go by. "Thank you again."

A soft smile appears on his lips as he pulls onto her road. "Of course. How are you feeling?" 

"I'm alright. A little tired. Nervous, to be honest."

Harry chuckles and briefly glances over at her, "Yeah? Nothing to be nervous about. We'll take it slow."

She shuffles in her seat and wedges her hands between her thighs. "Just don't want you to judge me, is all."

"I won't, but we did manage to forget to have the conversation on hard sexual limits. Do you mind listing yours?"

She nods. She's done this dance enough times to know the importance of discussing this subject matter, though she doubts there's much Harry could do that wouldn't be a turn-on for her.

"Um, any bathroom things, fisting, foot stuff... I'm fine with anal as long as we agree upon doing it beforehand. And if you're going to inflict physical pain on me, that's fine, but I'd prefer it if we built up to it — so, like, starting with spanking then the belt or a paddle." 

"Sure, that makes perfect sense. I like to have conversations with my subs after we do a scene, so we can see how you feel about what we did," he pulls into a parking spot outside of her home, yanking the key from the ignition, "And, just so you know — no anal tonight and no spanking unless you deserve it."

He taps her cheek gently with his spare hand and she flushes as she unbuckles her seatbelt and gets out of the car. She follows him up to her front door and fishes her keys from the pocket of her jacket, unlocking it and stepping inside.

"Are y'alright with the traffic light system?" Harry questions as he sets her bag down on the slim table placed in the entryway.

"Yeah. My safe word is yarn, just FYI."

He wrinkles his eyebrows and pulls a few to-go containers out from his own bag. He opens his mouth to question her but she puts her hand up to stop him. 

"I like to crochet. Don't make fun of me for it."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Harry murmurs, traipsing in the direction of her kitchen, "Go change out of your work clothes and put something pretty on for me, angel girl."

She's happy to comply, immediately feeling giddy at Harry telling her what to do from the get-go. When she gets upstairs and to her bedroom, she meanders over to the drawer she has for evenings like this. It's filled with lacy bodysuits and ruffly underwear, knee high socks, and pastel lingerie. Eager to rid her body of the jeans and sweater she wore all day, she opts for a sheer pink bralette and matching shorts that barely cover her bum. It's a sweet set that she personally likes, but she can't help the slight worry that Harry won't enjoy it as much as she does.

She's already meandering into her little headspace as she heads back downstairs. Harry's already plated up their dinner, complete with small servings of a side salad. He looks up as soon as he hears her soft padding across the length of the living room, his jaw falling slack at her appearance.

"Look at you," he coos, standing from the couch and closing the distance between them, "You look beautiful."

Y/N licks her lips, keeping her gaze low. She feels herself slipping, but for once, she's not scared of letting it happen. 

"What's wrong, little one?" Harry asks gently, pressing his pointer finger and thumb to her chin, raising her head, "Are you feeling small already?"

She nods, her eyes round.

"Mm, that was quick. Just from daddy taking care of you and putting on these pretty little clothes, huh?"

Again, she nods.

"Alright. Let's get some food in your belly and then daddy can play with you a bit?" 

This time, she shakes her head.

"No? No scene tonight?" Harry guesses through furrowed brows. 

"Wanna play now, please."

"Ahhhh," he nods, understanding now that she's looking to skip out on dinner. "Gotta eat first, baby. Then we'll play."

Y/N pouts and he chuckles, wrapping his fingers around her wrist and tugging her towards the couch. 

"C'mon. You can sit in my lap, hm?" 

Still in the trousers he wore to work today, Harry settles back against the couch. He pulls her body into his, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her steady.

"Is this good?" he asks softly, catching the shell of her ear. 

"Yes." she peeps, nibbling on her lip. 

"Alright baby, grab your food for me. Gotta eat at least half before we do anything." 

Wringing her hands in her lap, Y/N doesn't move. Harry runs his fingertips along the length of her arm, nosing at her shoulder. 

"Would you... daddy, I..."

Her voice trails off and his heart squeezes, eager to coax whatever she's trying to say out of her. 

"Ask, honey. Use your words." he encourages tenderly. 

She forces the words out, even if they feel humiliating despite her clouded head. "Can you feed me, please?" 

Harry hums. He won't say it in the moment because he can tell the request was difficult to muster out, but his entire body feels infinitely softer. He leans forward to grab her serving, scooping some pasta on the fork. 

"Y'gonna be good and eat for me now?" 

She nods, "I will. Thank you, daddy."

He murmurs out a you're welcome, continuing the quiet pattern of feeding her, watching her chew and swallow, and going back for more. He doesn't let her get off without eating a few bites of salad, chuckling gently at her quiet protests.

"Still feeling good?" Harry asks, setting her empty bowl back on the coffee table. 

"Mhm. Playtime now?" 

He smiles and nods, carefully shimmying her body off his lap. "Why don't you go upstairs and wait for me? Daddy needs to eat too."

Y/N shakes her head and sinks to the carpet, pressing her chin to his knee. "Wanna be close, please."

"Yeah?" Harry chuckles, grabbing his own bowl of pasta, "Okay, baby, you can sit there but no touching. I know you're nearly gagging for my cock."

He watches as she shivers, nibbling on her bottom lip and shifting her position slightly so her cheek is smushed against his thigh. He laughs quietly and threads his fingers through her hair, quickly eating his own portion. He can't deny that he's just as excited to get started — he, too, has been thinking about this all day, deciding what positions he'd fold her body into, if he'd edge her or overstimulate her with orgasm upon orgasm. He didn't want to fully push her limits so quickly — he wanted to create a foundation of trust between each other, but he couldn't help the inevitable daydreams that clouded his day. 

He finishes his food quickly, tapping her head playfully to alert her that he's done. She lifts her head and he takes in her moony gaze, his heart thumping quickly in his chest at how sweet she looks. 

"Upstairs, bunny. Hands and knees, bum in the air, okay?" He plucks at her bottom lip as he grants her guidance, her eyes fluttering shut, relieved to finally be getting instructions. She scurries up to her bedroom, listening to Harry putter around as he places their dirty dishes in the sink. As he asks, she lets her knees meld into the foamy texture of the mattress. With her cheek pressed against the pillow, she folds her legs and maneuvers her lower half into his requested position.

It feels like an eternity before Y/N hears Harry enter the room, shutting the door behind him. He doesn't move to remove any of his clothes, instead kneeling onto the bed behind her. 

"You've been doing so good for daddy, haven't you, baby?" 

She knows it's a rhetorical question but she nods into the plushy pillow, wiggling her butt. He chuckles and allows his palms to roam the expanse of her skin, from the bottoms of her thighs up to the swell of her ass. She keens at the feel of his touch, already obsessed with the way his large hands fit over her body.

"We won't be doing too much tonight, but I'll be asking for your color consistently. I want you to use your safe word at any point you deem necessary. Is that clear?"

Y/N nods her head and hums, though her answer is slightly muffled by the fluff of the pillow. 

He continues rubbing slow circles into the globes of her ass, intent on getting her to feel as relaxed as possible. He can tell she's excited — he is, too — but above anything, he wants her to be calm. 

"I brought some toys and things for us to play with," Harry continues, her ears perking up, "Can you tell me your color for each of them? It's perfectly okay if it changes at some point. I'd just like an idea of what you want."

Y/N has never had someone care this much — every time a dominant brought a toy to a session, he'd thrown it in there haphazardly. A vibrator turned up way too high, terribly knitted rope and, the worst by far, a butt plug that wasn't lubed whatsoever. 

So she's keening over the care Harry puts into his role, her heart beating rapidly in her chest as he shuffles off the bed for a moment and slings the tote bag onto the comforter. She still can't see a thing that he's doing, but as she floats into a comfortable cloudy mindset, she becomes more and more content with letting him make the rules. 

"Okay, baby. Know you want daddy to make the decisions but I need you to be good for me and tell me what you're comfortable with," Harry murmurs, his fingertips dancing along the soft material of her waistband. He doesn't dip below or tug them down; it more so feels like a reminder of what can come if she's good. "Tying your wrists with silk ties. Color?"

Her pussy pulsates at the immediate vision of her arms tied high above her head, unable to touch herself or him. "Mm. Green." 

"And what about your legs? Are you okay with rope, or would you prefer silk down there, too?"

"Either one, daddy. Green for both." 

Harry hums, dipping down to slowly press light kisses down the length of her spine. She shivers at the sensation of his soft lips making contact with her skin for the first time. "A vibrator for your cute little pussy?"

"Green," she whimpers as his hands find purchase on her hips.

"Can daddy use his mouth on you?" he asks, the low vibrations of his voice making her core leak with arousal. "On your pussy?" 

"Yes, yes," Y/N nearly pleads, bucking her hips up against his grasp. He tuts softly, and she can imagine the way his tongue flicks up against his two front bunny teeth, a look of disappointment painted over his face. 

"Be patient, bunny. Don't need you squirming around just 'cos you wanna be touched." 

She wants to groan out when he removes his hands from her skin but resists the urge, especially because he just told her to be patient (something Y/N has never been good at). She feels like it's a punishment in and of itself — he's barely done anything, but she can still feel the phantom kisses he placed down her back, and the skin stretching over her hips somehow feels lonely without his large palms pawing at it. 

"On your back." Harry suddenly instructs. She's quick to obey, rolling over onto the plush duvet. He's fast in his movements and already kneeling above her, wrapping her wrists together and fastening a bow with pink silk. "Have you used these before? Do you know how to get out of them if you need to?"

Y/N nods. She knows that she can simply pull her wrists apart to quickly dissolve the knot, instantly freeing herself. 

"Good girl. Daddy's gonna use rope for your legs, okay? Use your safe word or red if you need."

She has to admit, she's immediately impressed with Harry's apparent knowledge of bondage. She's been tied up many times before, but if she had to guess how many times someone's properly tied her hands, breasts, or legs with rope, it would likely only be once or twice. 

A wet gasp leaves her mouth when she realizes Harry isn't just tying her ankles down to the bed post. Instead, he's pressing her calves into the backs of her thighs, the slight burn of the rope pressing into her flesh in the most delicious way. Although she's able to close her legs, the knots still remove most of her mobility, especially with her arms tucked above her head.

After finishing with her legs, Harry stands from the bed, still in his tee-shirt and trousers. He admires his work from above with a devilish smirk on his face, making Y/N's skin warm.

"Aren't you just a wet dream?" he mocks lightly, trailing his fingertips up and along her knee, "All tied up and absolutely useless, hm? Can't even get out of bed, can you?"

Y/N shakes her head, her bottom lip beginning to wobble at his teasing. Everything about the scene is already so intense, the build-up so delicious and consuming and— fuck, he hasn't even touched her yet.

"You just need your daddy to do everything for you, don't you?" Harry continues, kneeling into the mattress. His hands find the insides of her thighs and he pushes them apart, but his eyes don't even fall to her core, instead keeping them square on her wide-eyed gaze. "Helpless little baby, aren't you? Say it. Say your daddy's helpless baby."

"I'm— I'm daddy's helpless baby." she stammers out, her tongue heavy in her mouth. 

"Are you gonna cry already, bunny?" he asks, his lips curling up into a wicked smirk, "Haven't even fuckin' done a thing and you're crying over being tied up. This is what you wanted, isn't it? Wanted daddy to make all your choices? Get all cock dumb and drunk on my cum?"

She nods futilely. She doesn't even realize the wetness pooling in the corners of her eyes, but she feels tears leaking steadily as soon as he mentions it. 

"P-please daddy. Wanna be touched."

"Ah, so you do have some thoughts going on up there."

It seems like maybe that's all it takes for Harry to finally cease his mocking, digging into the tote bag at the side of the bed to produce a silicone vibrator. It's light blue and long, with a bulbous head at the tip that she assumes is for stimulating the spongey spot deep inside of her.

He finds a spot between her thighs, kneeling back on his ankles. His hands move up her inner thighs and to the creases of where her legs meet her core, the sheer fabric of her pale pink shorts immediately giving way to the wetness seeping from her hole. Harry nearly groans out at that, the sight going straight to his rock hard cock being strained by layers of clothing. 

With a feather light touch, he thumbs over her clit through the material. She immediately jolts and he chuckles, moving his finger to gently stroke over her mound. 

"Desperate little thing. Begging for daddy's touch."

"Yes," Y/N mewls at the top of the bed, wiggling against the rough rope, "I need it daddy, please, touch me, I've been so good—"

"Have you?" he asks, retrieving his hand, "All you've done is do as I've asked. If anything, I'm the one that should get rewarded, don't you think? Picked you up from work, fed you, tied you up... sounds like you're just being greedy to me."

"I'm not— t-that is being good, daddy, I didn't touch myself like you said a-and I've earned it, please."

She's fully crying now, tears leaking from her eyes in steadfast streams that it actually makes Harry feel bad. She hasn't even stopped her begging by the time he's pulling her shorts down to reveal her weeping pussy, a soft tsk leaving his mouth.

"Stop pleading, bunny, I'll give you want you're so desperate for," Harry says, grabbing the vibrator. He'd initially planned to work her with his fingers before pressing the toy against her clit and pushing it inside, but he hasn't even spread her open and he can already see the creamy arousal coating her lips. He thinks that if he teases her for much longer, she may just disintegrate into the bed. 

So instead, because he's him and he's not a nice dom, he cranks it onto the medium setting and nudges it up against her clit. She instantly gasps out and jerks her hips up at the vibrations, a near-yell leaving her throat. He's aware that every person is different and it'll take him some time to learn her body, but with the way that her legs are already shaking as he uses more pressure to press the toy against the bundle of nerves, he thinks he he's getting somewhere.

"Are you gonna cum already?" Harry asks, his eyebrows knitted together as his eyes rake over her body. Her own eyes are scrunched up, her lips parted as small whimpers escape her throat, beads of sweat beginning to tumble down the slopes and curves of her skin — it's a sight, and he wishes to commit it to memory.

"Y-yes," she admits, nodding quickly, "Can I? Please?"

In response, he transfers the vibrator to his left hand and slowly pushes a finger into her pulsating hole. 

"Go ahead."

He strokes once or twice against her g-spot with his finger before she's crumbling, her chest concave with haphazard breaths and her back arched. Moans readily fall from her lips, her pussy squeezing his finger so tight it nearly makes him cum on the spot.

As Y/N comes down from her peak, she recalls Harry saying that they weren't doing anything too crazy today, so she wonders if that's it. If so, she supposes that's fine, but she thinks she'll over him a blowie, offering to let him fuck her face while she's still tied up with silk and rope.

Instead, he cranks the vibrator up another setting and pushes a second finger inside, eliciting a broken groan from her chest.

"Again." Harry instructs, curling his fingers deep inside of her.

"O-oh," Y/N whimpers with shaking thighs and a dizzy head, "Daddy, I—"

"Again, bunny." he repeats, quickening the pace of his fingers. "I want another one. Now."

She quickly realizes that she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to reject Harry, because it only takes a few more pumps of his digits until she's squeezing him again. She's never had two orgasms so close together and she finds that this one is more intense, her muscles not even fully relaxed as they contract around him once again.

Her eyes are still closed when he removes his fingers and she thinks she hears a faint sucking noise, though she can't be sure. He lowers the vibrator setting but keeps it flush against her clit, despite the way her pussy is all but begging for a break.

"Color." Harry demands, his hand finding the backside of her knee. 

"G-green," she hiccups through tear-stained cheeks, "Can keep going, daddy. Please."

He nods once, lowering so his stomach is pressed against the mattress now. He finally clicks the toy off and pushes it to the side, pausing his assault on her core before spreading her lips open with his fingers. 

"Jesus, you're fuckin' pretty," he mutters, watching as her hole pulsates from two back-to-back orgasms. He spits, the saliva landing on her spread slit, making her gasp. "Who owns this pussy, bunny?"

Y/N's chest is heaving, but she still manages his honorific through wet, splotchy cheeks.

"Say it again." he commands before leaning forward to lick a fat stripe from her hole to her clit. 

"It's yours, daddy." she whispers, her hands forming tight fists above her form.

"Good girl. That's what I want you to say when you cum next, okay?" 

She doesn't have a chance to question yet another orgasms as his tongue makes contact with her pussy, moaning deeply. He's already obsessed with her taste and she's sure she's never had someone go down on her with this much vigor. She's gulping for air when his tongue darts in and out of her hole before licking up to her clit, lips wrapped around the nub as he sucks harshly, whines sounding from her mouth at the sensitivity. 

Y/N has never understood the phrase "making out with her pussy" until this exact moment.

She doesn't even know if he's coming up for air much, but he's quick to figure out the pattern that makes her thighs shake. Messy sounds come from below as he slurps at the arousal leaking from her, using the width of his tongue to lick upwards to her clit over and over again. 

"Daddy!" Y/N squeals, jerking her hips involuntarily, only to be pressing her core even closer to his mouth, "Please, I— I think—"

"Cum." he mutters into her, suckling at her clit with such fervor that Y/N genuinely thinks she may pass out. 

She doesn't, though, but the intensity of her orgasm claws up her body rapidly, loud cries bubbling up her throat as she repeats clamors of, "it's yours daddy, your pussy, it's yours."

She feels him press chaste kisses against her mound as he gently begins to untie the ropes, slowly easing her legs out of their angled positions. Once they're free, he helps her stretch them outward, continuing his trail of kisses up her body until he's straddling her waist between his thighs.

"Color," Harry murmurs, reaching up to release his wrists from the silk. Her eyes are set on the bulge in his pants and he gently taps her cheek, "Bunny, tell me your color."

"Green, daddy. That looks like it hurts."

She uses her newly freed hands to point at his crotch and he chuckles, shaking his head. 

"I'm fine, lovebug. Are you sure you're still green? Looking quite floaty."

"I am," Y/N lulls her head to the side, leaning it against her shoulder as she circles her wrists, "Wanna keep going though. 'm okay."

"Do you remember your safe word?" he questions, grabbing one of her wrists and pressing soft kisses into the skin. 

"Mhm."

"What is it?"

"Yarn. 'cos I like to crochet."

Harry grins, relieved that she isn't too far off the deep end. He finds her to be especially adorable when she's in her little space, the moony gaze in her eyes removing any traces of stress from her day-to-day life.

"That's right, baby," he replies, pulling off his tee-shirt. "Daddy's gonna fuck you now. Is that alright?"

"Yes, please. But I don't think I wanna cum again."

He hums and nods, unbuckling his pants and kicking them off his legs, "That's perfectly fine, bunny. You got daddy so hard that I don't think it'll take much for me to cum."

Y/N giggles at that and makes grabby hands at him, making him chuckle. "Off, please," she says, pointing to the briefs straining his cock. 

"You're such a polite little girl, did you know that?" Harry asks as he pushes his underwear down, settling in between her legs.

"Daddy's polite girl." 

If his cock wasn't painfully hard right now, he might've laughed at her repeating his words. Unfortunately, an hour of overstimulating Y/N and watching her writhe beneath his grasp, all tied up with no choice but to just take it — he's shivering at the images of it, and he knows he needs to cum within the next five minutes or his dick will surely fall off. 

"Gonna push in, okay?" Harry asks softly, rubbing circles into her hip, "Remember, tell me if you need to stop. Daddy will always listen to you."

Y/N nods her head, blinking away the leftover moisture in her eyes from her bout of cries earlier. She knows that if she didn't feel so comfortable with him, there's no way she would be this far in her little space right now, where she just wants him to take and take until he's satisfied. It's maybe happened three or four times in the past with a dom she had that was actually pretty good, but she knows now doesn't even begin to measure up with Harry. 

When his cock pops through her tight walls, it's a bit of a stretch, but she's wet enough with arousal from three orgasms that it barely burns. Instead, she finds herself enjoying the way her core adapts to his shape — not to mention, he looks gorgeous above her with his eyes squeezed closed and his jaw dropped in a quiet groan. 

When she doesn't safe word, Harry starts to move. He takes it slow, knowing that if he immediately starts to pump the full of his length inside of her, it may cause her more pain than pleasure, regardless of how small she's feeling. Her plushy lips part as moans begin to fall from them, hooking her ankles behind his form to bring him closer. 

"You're so big, daddy," Y/N breathes out, a strangled whimper coming from Harry. "I love it, I love having you inside me."

"Yeah? My little girl wants her daddy's cock in her all the time?" He pushes through grit teeth, his jaw flexing as he begins to quicken his strokes, "Tell me, bunny. Tell me how much you want daddy."

"Oh—," she mewls as he begins to brush up against her g-spot, "I want it always daddy, I-I need it— oh, god— please daddy, please—"

"Sweet little girl sounds so pretty when she begs," He says as he takes one of his palms and presses it against her lower stomach, "This pretty pussy is mine now. You hear me? It's daddy's pussy."

"Yes, yes— fuck, it's yours daddy!"

Harry growls — actually growls — and shifts his hand down to smack against her clit, a throaty moan falling from Y/N's mouth. 

"Dumb little babies don't curse," he snaps, slapping her clit once more, "Or do you wanna be punished? Not get any of daddy's cum?"

She shakes her head quickly, her eyes nearly rolling back at the sting of pain radiating through her core. "I want it, please!"

"Yeah? Beg for it, bunny."

She does — she pleads and begs and all but grovels on her hands and knees until Harry pulls out and pumps his cock over her, ropes of warm cum painting the skin of her stomach all the way up to her chest. There's so much (like an impressive amount, Y/N thinks), and she wants to scoop it up and taste it, but Harry grabs her wrist and gives her a look before she can. 

"If you do that, you will have to call out of work tomorrow."

She giggles and nibbles on her bottom lip, the little headspace she's swimming in telling her to disobey him. He sighs and shakes his head, grabbing the tee-shirt he was wearing earlier and swiping it over her body, ridding her of his cum. 

"You're a naughty little thing," he mumbles, tossing the tee-shirt to the floor — he makes a mental note to throw her bedding and everything in the wash once she's out of her little space. "C'mon baby, up. Gonna take a bath now." 

"With you, right?" Y/N mumbles with heavy eyes. He nods as he leans down to scoop her up in his arms, guiding them to the bathroom. He sits her on the toilet and she frowns, making him roll his eyes. 

"You don't want a UTI. This isn't a sex thing, just pee while I run you a bath."

She does but only because he tells her to, and she knows she'll feel embarrassed about this tomorrow, but she's okay with it right now. He busies himself with turning the water and making sure it's warm before plugging the drain. 

"I brought some bubble bath and epsom salts with me but it's in my bag. Can I leave you while I go get those?" 

Again, Y/N nods wordlessly and he leans down to press a kiss to her hair. She flushed and wipes while he's gone, and he returns while she's washing her hands. 

Harry knows it feels oddly domestic of them to be naked and prepping to take a bath together after an intense scene, especially since this is the first time they've done this. In the back of his mind, he wonders if they should've talked through the implications of them beginning this type of relationship — a ruined friendship being one of them — and he knows it was selfish of him to forgo that conversation altogether. 

He ignores his worries and instead helps her into the bubble bath once it's ready, tucking his body in behind hers as soon as she's situated. It's silent between them for the first time in hours as he wraps his arms around her shoulders, lightly massaging her shoulders. 

"How are you feeling?" He finally asks after a few moments of quiet. 

"Tired," she mumbles, laying back against his broad chest. He can't tell if she's still floaty by her one-word response so he continues rubbing her back, allowing her to sink into the warmth of the bath.

They don’t speak again after that, not until the water goes cold and Y/N almost falls asleep in the comfort of his arms. In the meantime, he makes sure to gently swirl a clean washcloth over her skin, using his favorite lavender scented body wash, and wash her knotty hair. All the while he whispers how special she is, how she’ll never be too much, but especially not to him. He decides it’s okay if she doesn’t hear him because she’s too out of it, but hopes that his words at least seep into her subconscious so she believes the same. 

#I will proof read this when I’m not so burnt out ! #writing #harry styles #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #Harry styles angst #harry styles x you #Harry styles au #harry styles oneshot #one direction

[writingsfromhome]

If you Love Something

A/N: this has been an idea sitting in my drafts for a while. You and Harry had a brief but intense relationship as teenagers, were forced to make a serious decision then, and it’s aftereffects have lingered for the rest of your lives. It deals with some heavier topics so read with caution (alcoholism, depression, unwanted pregnancy etc). I’d describe it as sad but hopeful.

Part 2

—————————————

Age 17.

It started in secret. We’d found each other on the roof of a house party. Truth be told, I saw him sneak out of the window where people were crowded around the TV watching some controversial music video I hadn’t heard about. And I’d followed.

I knew who Harry was. Had him in English, Maths, and Biology last year. He was well spoken, thoughtful, and silly. I never spoke to him once though. Only admired him from afar.

Tonight I had my first drink and then another. I was feeling buzzed and despite being painfully shy for most of the time I’d known everyone here, I was suddenly gripped by the realization that we were approaching the last year we would all be together. Why had I waited this long to pursue someone I thought was cute?

I snuck out after him, when my friends weren’t looking. I even tilted the window more closed than usual so no one would suspect anything; I had the attic room at home so I knew how to maneuver the angled roof to get comfortable.

“You need any help?” Harry’s voice is clear in the silence.

“I’m alright.” I stand up to peer at him. He’s climbed near the top.

“Sure? You don’t seem steady.”

“Oh I’m steady,” I prove it to him by climbing up to where he was. “See?”

“I’m mistaken. My bad.” He holds out a hand to help me sit beside him and the night sky flashes brighter for an instant when I grasp his hand. My stomach is in knots.

“Harry. Styles.” I don’t know why I say his full name but I was nervous.

He repeats my full name back to me. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows it. It’s not like we went to a big school.

“What brings you out here?”

I try to be bold about it, “You?”

“Party was getting too much.” He says. I stare at him in confusion while he complains about something his friends had gotten up to.

I replay my answer and realized it sounded like I’d skipped answering his question and asked the question back. Bugger.

“You know my name.” I interrupt him, forgetting he was telling me a story. Awkward.

“Yeah? Of course I do.”

“We’ve never talked.”

“We talked. Once in Maths. We had to grade each other’s answers.”

Oh yeah. I burn when I remember the 4/10 he’d given me with a smiley face saying that maths was masochistic.

“Barely.”

“I know you though,” he says with a softness that makes my heart stutter.

“Do you?” I look to him, resting my chin on my shoulder. He gazes down at me and I swear I could taste the colours around us.

His eyes draw me deeper as he inches closer. Was he going to kiss me? Oh my god.

I look back out to the roof and he jerks away. Omg.

“I do.”

“Oh,” I don’t know what to do after that awkward moment.

“I know you’re really quiet and shy but your smile is so loud you can see it from across the room.” He says and my breath catches as he continues. “You’re yourself with your friends, you really like Harry Potter and field hockey. You would kill Mal Adams if you could get away with it and you hate Maths just as much as you love art. You’re dating Oli Graves but your smile is only ever shining half as bright when you’re around him. Can I go on?”

I stop breathing completely halfway through his declaration of knowing me. All this time I had my eye on him, I didn’t know he was watching me too.

“I didn’t ask you for your opinion on my relationship.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t give you one either.”

I glare at him. He was right. He smiles knowing he was. I’m mad that I’m not mad at him. That he was right.

“What are you doing with a guy like that?”

Oli and I had been dating for 7 months now. He was loud and fun in a way I wish I could be. That’s why I liked him so much. That’s why I was at a party like this to begin with.

“He’s a good guy.”

“That’s all?” He asks. I look over but he’s looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze and get lost in the great expanse of nighttime.

“I think you deserve someone who sees you. Don’t you?”

“Did Ally see you?” I ask with a hint of aggression I didn’t mean to have.

“Ally and I broke up during Easter. So there’s your answer.” He’s unbothered.

“Well what do you want?” I ask.

“Right now? Or in life?”

I shrug. “Both?”

“I want to explore the world and meet all kinds of people. I wanna make the world a better place by being in it. It’s cheesy as shit so if you ever said I said this I’ll deny it and you’ll look like-“

“My lips are sealed.” I turn his way to promise him that. It makes me laugh at how serious he looks saying it all and when I do his face relaxes.

“You laugh is nice too. I forgot to mention that.”

That quiets me very quickly.

“And right now,” he continues. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

My ears ring. Did I hear him right? Could you get so drunk you hallucinate? I swear the cold air had sobered me-

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry’s moved in closer to me. Did I? I don’t know.

“What d-“

“I’d like to kiss you.”

I nod, afraid to talk and realize I’d hallucinated him saying that.

The world melts away when he kisses me. It’s tender, nothing like Oli and his jagged pushy kissing. In the nighttime air it’s warm, and soft, and easy.

“I know you,” Harry says when we part. I’d nearly climbed into his lap and I try to edge away, embarrassed, but he keeps a hand firm on my thigh.

“I know you too Harry,” I breathe. He smiles and it crinkles his luscious eyes.

I think I was falling.

***

We keep it a secret after I break up with Oli. For months, until mid-August when I invite him over for dinner after my mom insists on meeting “the boy I was all doe-eyed over”. The night with my family goes so well—Harry is the picture of a courteous gentleman that even my sister is swayed by him despite saying boys were gross. I ask him to hang out, in public, the next day. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

That’s what I love about Harry—yes love. He’s not pushy, he lets me go at my own pace. He respects me and sees me for everything I am and loves me anyway. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

It was so intense and relaxed at the same time. It felt like no relationship I’d been in before. I felt different being with him, even my friends noticed.

When final year started, Harry and I were official but we didn’t flaunt it. We didn’t need to. My friends knew about us and they were happy for us, they told me I was more me. Whatever that meant.

Life was phenomenal and I was living in a dusky haze. Nothing could touch us.

Until one day in February. I was out with my sister, mum didn’t want to take her out and since I recently got my driver’s license with plenty of lessons from Harry, I was driving her to the mall. She needed Valentine’s Day cards.

“I thought you said love is stupid.” I remind her on the way.

“It is.”

“So why the hell am I driving you to buy cards for a made up holiday?”

“Because!” She crosses her arms and stares out the window. I flick her arm at a red light.

“You have a crush.”

“I do not!”

“Do too. Who is it? James? Mattie? Hamid?”

“Ew! They’re freaks.” My sister continues staring out the window.

“Why do you want to buy cards so bad!?”

“I just want them! For my friends!”

“Okay then,” I didn’t believe her. But I couldn’t bring her home crying or mum would ground me.

A lot of places have slim pickings. Wandering the aisle of Waterstones I catch sight of a family friend. She was my dad’s uni friend’s daughter, a few years older than me but by the time I got to secondary she had dropped out after getting pregnant. I remember the buzz when everyone found out.

I avoid her and find an aisle to occupy myself.

Harry and I were always careful, mum had already given me the talk and he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t. I imagine Harry as a dad. He would make a good one I think.

As one thought leads to another I go cold as I realize something. My last period was during the holidays.

I feel like I’m walking in a swarm of locusts as I walk to the edge of the aisle, scanning for my sister. Maybe I can pop into a pharmacy before she’s done. Maybe…

This was crazy. It was probably just a missed period.

But if it isn’t, another voice asks. I felt it in my gut. I had to do this.

I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything about the rest of that day except two faint lines, and then two faint lines again, and a third time. I fall asleep before dinner that night and shut the world out.

***

“I know something’s wrong.” Harry’s walking me home after school. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’d been nothing but sweet. He bought me chocolates, flowers, and we planned to cook dinner together after school. I had bought him chocolates too, and had written him a heartfelt note with a bunch of photos of us weeks ago. The box was in my room, waiting for tonight. “Do you not like the flowers? Or is it dinner? We can go out somewhere instead?”

“No everything’s lovely.” I’d never heard Harry this desperate before. It gets under my skin even though part of me knows that’s not really it. But having him hover over me all week trying to figure out what was wrong was too much.

I’d spent every night this week with a hand over my belly. Thinking about it. I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I can think of was Jenny and I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a mother.

“Please. What’s the matter.” Harry asks again, tugging at my hands but I pull them away.

“I just need some space!” I shout and he flinches. “I’m sorry Harry. I just need space right now.”

“Right now like…” he scratches his head. “I don’t get you. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’ve been talking about this day for weeks what do you mean you want space?”

“I can’t do this right now. Please.”

“Are you-are we…”

“I’m not breaking up with you.” I look at Harry with tears in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry out here. But every time I look at him I remember the reality. What’s growing inside me. I can’t take it. “I just can’t do today.”

I go inside my house. Leave him without further explanation. I feel awful, I can’t hold the tears in long enough to get to my room.

***

“Hey love?” My mum and dad knock on my door at half past 5. I lay in the dark, having cried myself dry. “We’re worried about you. Can we talk.”

“I can’t.” I say, voice stuffy.

“I thought you and that boyfriend of yours had plans,” dad says. He liked Harry but he rarely called him by his name. “Did something happen?”

“No!” I wanted them to leave me alone. “I just. I had to cancel. I’m fine.”

“Don’t sound fine to me love,” I feel the mattress dip as mum sits down. Dad strokes my hair. They whisper something I can’t hear and a pair of footsteps pad out of my room.

“Mum just leave me alone.” I try again.

“I’m not.” She pushes me further into my bed and leans down, tugging my blanket down. When I finally look at her she smiles kindly and kisses my forehead. That fills me up enough to start wailing again. “Oh love, what’s wrong?”

“Everything!” I sob into my blanket. Mom lays down beside me and I let myself be cradled like a child. God, I had a child. This was so fucked.

“Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

I don’t know how my parents would react. They were never particularly strict, especially after what happened with Jenny I remember them always being sympathetic. We even visited her in hospital with a gift.

Mum strokes my hair and whispers that it’ll be okay. Slowly my sobbing eases into light sniffles. I had to tell her. She would know what to do. And if she hated me for it, I would just have to deal with it.

“Mum don’t be mad-“

“I won’t honey I-“

“No. Mum.” I cut her off. She moves back on the pillow so she can see my whole face, moving a strand of hair so I couldn’t hide. “Something…messed up. Happened. And…I was careful. We were always careful I don’t know what happened but I-“

I watch her face changed. Like she knew. She knew what was coming but she waits patiently as I muster up the courage to say the words that felt too real once I said them.

“Mum I’m…I’m pregnant.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip. What was she thinking? Was she crying for me or with me? Why wasn’t she saying anything!?

“Mum-“

“C’mere.” She wraps me in her embrace again and kisses the top of my head. My body feels drained and limp. I finally told somebody. It was real. This living thing inside of me was real.

“What happened?” She asks next. And I tell her what I think happened. When. How I found out. She listens, holding my hand in hers. When I’m done and it’s poured out of me she smiles supportively. “This isn’t a bad thing okay? It’s okay. Any decision you make is up to you. I’ll talk to your dad but just know you call the shots okay? I love you.”

This is what carries me. The love.

She asks me it I told Harry yet and I tell her the truth. She urges me to tell him. I tell her I wanted to so bad but I was scared.

She leaves shortly after that, I hear her talking softly outside my room. Nobody calls me for dinner until 7, a soft knock on my door. My sister would never be so soft, I assume it’s dad so I tell him to come in. I was scared to face him.

It’s Harry instead.

“Harry!” I cover my splotchy face with my blanket, why was he here? Did mum invite him? This was soo embarrassing.

My heart pounds and Harry is silent until he takes a seat where mum had previously been.

“I came over, your mum invited me. She explained.”

She did what? For a moment I feel betrayed.

“She said you weren’t doing so well. Stressed? I could make you some tea if you’d like. But I told you y/n, you’ll get into unis. You don’t have to worry so…”

I sigh. Mum had told him a half-truth. But he had come. Of course he had.

I couldn’t even think about uni right now because that lead me down a road of what if I couldn’t go because I had a baby. And that life felt so bleak it made me depressed.

“Harry.” I inch my blanket down a little and his eyes go round when he looks at me.

“You look…awful.”

“I know.” I cover my face with my hair but he brushes it away and kisses my forehead.

“No. I’m worried about you. I brought dinner-“

“Oh Harry.” I spot the bag he brought with him.

“I made it all for us. With my mum’s help but mostly me. I packed it to bring to you.”

I didn’t deserve him. And I had to tell him. And he was going to break up with me. What high school boy wanted a child?

“Harry it’s not uni.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was carrying another living thing. It was the size of a seed but I was carrying it inside me. Like a living breathing pot. I was a potted plant.

“Then what is it?” His brows crinkle. “Is it us?”

“No!” I rush to tell him. “I…I don’t know how to say this. And I don’t know how you’re going to react but it’s okay either way.”

“What are you talking about?” His hands slide up my lap. “What is it?”

“Harry. I’m um, I’m pregnant.”

I watch him freeze and stay exactly how he is, his brows pinch ever so slightly. I knew this look. He looked still on the outside but his mind was racing. And I was scared what was racing through it.

“Pregnant?”

“Yeah. From…the holidays.”

“How did-I thought we-“

“I guess it’s not foolproof.” I whisper. Mum had told me to go on the pill, and I hadn’t listened because all my friends told me it made them gain weight. If only I had listened. Now I was gaining weight anyway.

“What are we going to do?” He asks next. And I never realized six little words could weigh the world. If I could cut those words out and surgically implant them into my heart I would. Just to remind me the equal parts relieved and comforted they made me.

I hold his face in my hands, new tears springing to my eyes. He was in this. With me.

He kisses me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shirt again and he holds me so tight I swear I could break.

“I don’t know if I can keep it Harry,” I finally whisper to him.

His hands fist in my shirt, he holds his breath and after a long minute he lets me go with it.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Was he really okay with all this?

“It’s…I can’t make you keep it.”

“You’d want to keep it?” I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s…” he swallows his sentence and keeps his gaze on my stomach. I tug his hand and lay it over it. When his eyes meet mine I see a hint of heartbreak. We were going to break our hearts either way I think.

Not once did I think he might want to keep it.

“It’s okay.” Harry finally says. “We’re so young right? How would we keep a baby and go to school, and do everything we always talk about?”

“Yeah I don’t…I don’t know.”

“I love you.” He says with such a sudden passion. I wrap my arms around his and return the sentiment.

Eventually we lay down and just talk about everything. Truthfully, my head was telling me not to keep the baby but everything else felt dead thinking about it.

Maybe that’s why it took me until April to finally make a decision. It was the size of a plum by then, and a tiny bump was starting to show but only when I stood naked in front of the mirror. With clothes on, nobody was the wiser. But the longer I kept it, I think the more Harry fell in love with it. The idea of it.

We have a long talk during our Easter holiday. We talked in my bedroom until the sun comes up. I tell him I was sure of my decision.

I’d gotten accepted to Cambridge by then. Harry was staying in London. We knew it wasn’t feasible. To live the life we always wanted, we had to get rid of this new life we never knew could happen.

I don’t know why but I don’t tell him the day I go to do it. I go with my mum. Mum drops my sister off at school—she didn’t know. Mum said she had a big mouth.

We drive in silence. When we park mum asks how I feel.

“Sad.” It was the truth. I knew this was right. But it felt like shite.

“Yeah.” She rubs my hands. “Want to go in?”

“I just want to sit here for a bit.” I tell her.

“Okay. I’ll go sign you in.”

She takes my purse and hers and leaves me there. I take the moment to ground myself. Say goodbye to the other future.

When mum knocks on my window I jump.

“Yn? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah yeah I’m coming in.” I open the door.

“You know you’ve been sitting here half hour?”

I pause, one leg out the door and one still in. “I…I must have got lost in my head. Sorry mum-“

“Look. Do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know…I have to.”

“There are other options love-“

“But how can I give it up and live my whole life like that?”

“We can help raise her. You can go on and live your life-“

“I’d be a horrible mother.” Mum and I had this row so many times before. It always ended in me storming away but I couldn’t here.

“You don’t need to make the decision today.”

“But I do.” I tell her. “Otherwise it’ll drive me insane.”

I tuck both feet back into the car and rest my hand on my belly. I’d allowed myself to do that only in my room, when I was alone. Doing it out here made it feel even more real. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine going through with the decision.

“I can’t do this.” I tell my mum.

She smooths my hair down and kisses my temple. My door closes and a few seconds later she climbs in beside me.

“Think about it.”

“I can’t. But I can’t keep it either.”

“Okay.” Mum pulls me into her and I think I should cry but I can’t. I’m calm, maybe I know I’d made the right decision. Or just a decision. I was going to stick to this.

“I can’t raise it. I’m just a child I…maybe someone out there wants a baby and can’t have one maybe-“

“I’ll look into it for you.” Mum promises. “You set the rules remember?”

And that’s how it goes. Mum looks into it, we decide to go for adoption. We go to the hospital on the first warm day of the year. By then I’d taken to wearing jumpers over flowy dresses and been thankful for the first time in my life that I wasn’t skinny like other girls. At most angles you couldn’t tell my belly was so perfectly round.

By then too, Harry had accepted the decision. He seemed relieved. Thinking aloud he’d said maybe he could raise it, but quickly turned around when I asked him what he’d do about uni.

“Someone out there can take care of it better than us. Someone will love the baby like we do.”

During the summer, I tell all my friends I was staying with family in midlands. And I do go up there, that’s where the couple who was adopting lived. Harry and I meet them with my mum and his. It’s awkward, we run out of conversation fast. But their house is big and they already have a 2 year old from an adoption last year. My baby was going to be loved here. And have a sibling.

“We did want to discuss one last thing,” they’d said before we left. We all listen intently. “We…find it best when it’s a no contact adoption. We’ve had a lot of friends who keep contact open and it gets messy-“

“What?” I hadn’t really thought about this until now. Hearing I’d have to give the baby up and go on like it didn’t exist felt wrong. Harry’s hand slips into mine.

“This is typical,” Harry’s mum says from his side. “Let’s hear it out.”

“Right. So just to prevent future complications, we do no contact. Of course when baby’s older and wants to seek out the real parents we can’t stop them. But until then…”

“Thank you.” My mum steps in when it goes silent. I could hardly wrap my head around what they were saying. When it gets older?

Pretty soon mum is ushering me out and Harry’s hand is still clutching mine. We don’t let go until we reach my Uncle’s where we were staying until August. The baby was due in September. I was going to miss the first week of class.

“I can’t do this.” I tell them later. “How can we just have no contact.”

“I thought you knew.” Mum says. “I explained that some parents want this when they adopt.”

She might have. Ever since I hit the third trimester like my doctor said, I’ve had a hard time listening and understanding what someone was saying after they spoke too long. I was glad school was done—for obvious reasons, but also for not having to sit in a class and learn.

“We have no other choice.” Harry says from beside me. He rubs my back and slowly, I zone back into the conversation. “We can find another family but they might want the same thing.”

“What if the baby never looks for us?” I turn to him, our heads press against the other’s. “What if we go our whole lives just wondering?”

“What’s the other option?” Harry whispers. He was right. I just didn’t want to get it.

Acceptance slowly creeps into me over the course of the summer. It was always hot carrying another person around, I was always hungry and thirsty, and very cranky. Harry came up to see me every other weekend when he could, mum stayed with me and that summer was one I could never forget.

It was September 1st, a particularly hot day. Rain fell in the afternoon and by the time the unforgiving sun set, the cool air was heavenly.

I sat by the bedroom window, moisturizing my belly like mum had shown me, talking to the baby. I wrote it a letter last week all about me, that I loved them and hoped the best for them. I told the baby about my family, how Harry and I met, and then I sealed it in an envelope with a picture of Harry and me. It was taken last Halloween when we’d both dressed up as each other. I tell mum to give it to the new parents. In case the day came the baby wondered about who we were.

As I spoke softly, I felt a gush of something wet down my leg.

“What?” I stand up, confused. “I…”

It takes me a second. I was going into labour.

“Mum!” I shout. “Mum! Come here!”

She rushes in and confirms it. It was happening.

“But it’s supposed to be next week!” I try not to panic but that’s all I can do as mum grabs our things and my aunt rushes to the car. “Does this mean something’s wrong? Is the baby o-“

I freeze as a contraction forces me to fold. I’d felt the kicking and the nausea and everything in between but these. These were a bitch.

Somehow we make it to hospital. Somehow I lay on a bed and push when the doctor tells me to. I nearly pass out. I just wanted Harry here with me. He didn’t know his kid was being born.

With a final push that felt like I was ascending my body and leaving it behind, I hear a wail and I cry. The baby was out, they cried and everything was okay.

“Okay congratulations mummy,” a nurse crouches down to me. “We’re going to clean you and baby up. She’s healthy and looks okay.”

“What?” I can barely see with my hair in my face and the nurses around me. It was a she? I had a baby girl?

We were never told the gender, so we wouldn’t get attached. But I had a baby girl. The nurse just called me mum.

I feel the tears on my cheeks, I was crying too. I try to look around me but a new nurse is talking in hushed voices to the doctor.

“…outside…call…adoption…shouldn’t or….contact-“

“What’s going on?” I can barely get the words out. “What?”

“Oh my love,” suddenly mum’s in the room and things are a bit better. A bit better.

“Mum what’s going on?”

“The baby’s born. The parents are outside they’re going to meet her soon.”

“What?” I look at mum’s face and it’s shining with tears. Why was she crying?

“Oh she’s beautiful love, she’s perfect. But your job’s done now. You should rest.”

“Mum,” I cry. “Where is she? Can’t I hold her?”

“No love,” mum moves my hair out of my face. I feel something break in half inside of me. I couldn’t even hold the baby? The baby girl? Mine and Harry’s baby girl?

“Why? Mum why? I just want to see her-“

“I’m sorry,” mum says through tears. “It’s just the way it is. She’s going to a loving home okay? She’s good. You’re okay.”

I can’t stop crying. I was going to lose her last April and I stopped that but I lost her anyway. My baby, I was never going to see her.

I remember when my sister was born. I was 5 and I was angry she’d taken the attention away. But when I saw her with her perfect toes and angel face I was obsessed with her. I even remember her first steps, she’d taken them at a park with mum and dad and me together. I was never going to know these things about my own baby. I was never going to know her.

I must pass out soon after. I remember waking up to the nurses instructing me about something. I’m half asleep and barely remember what I did when I get up. When I do wake it’s morning and there’s a figure on the chair beside me.

“You’re up.”

Harry. Relief washes over me knowing he’s here.

“Harry they took her,” I tell him.

“I know. I know yn.”

I move aside and he crawls into bed with me. I must look disgusting but he watches me with love brimming in his eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.

“I feel empty,” I whisper. Like someone had carved me out like a pumpkin. Something I’d had with me all year was gone. “How can I just move on? Start uni and all that when I…they just took her.”

“I keep thinking that.” Harry says. “Khalil invited me to a party to meet some blokes from uni and I just sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t even go in. She…she was never going to be ours.”

“I feel awful.” I burrow into his neck as he strokes my hair. “A baby girl.”

“A baby girl,” Harry echoes.

***

I head to uni a week later. My body still feels like it fought a war and lost. It’s like it still thinks there’s a baby there. I produce milk for a few days, continue to have contractions, my belly is saggier than usual and I can’t stop crying about everything.

My dad drops me off to uni. He tells me he was proud of me, that I was always his baby girl. I cry then just like I cried at home when I said bye to mum, or when my sister hugged me which she never does. I can’t stop crying.

When I move into my dorm I feel like a completely different person than I thought I was going to be. My dormmate fills me in on everything she’s learned, complains about a boy and a party and it just feels so irrelevant to me. Did I used to care about those things? I had a baby. And now I didn’t.

By October, Harry and I are in different worlds. We hadn’t broken up but we talk weekly. Each week there’s less to talk about. When I visit home in October, being around him just makes me sad. He tries to cheer me up, make it like old times, but I know he’s hurting inside too.

I decide to do the breaking up. And at first he’s angry, insisting we could make it work. He actually refuses and walks away. We don’t talk for a whole day.

But at a house party in South where his uni mates were from, he accepts the end.

Through tears we kiss each other one final time, we whisper sweet nothings, we pour into each other all the hopes and wishes we had for each other.

When he hugs me for the last time I leave something behind. It’s similar to waking up the morning after my delivery and knowing something was gone. I really feel the shape of the loss. It sits in my sternum, a hole that grows smaller with time, but not just yet.

I fall into a depressed state for most of my first semester but my dormmate doesn’t give up on me and eventually I go to my first uni party. Eventually my brain fog clears and I actually go to all my classes. Eventually my life, on the outside, looks like it could be back to normal but inside I ache with the loss. So much that it becomes part of me. I don’t know where it ends, and I begin. It lives in me.

Age 23.

“The first of many hey?” Mal clinks his bottle to mine. I barely knew Mal but we were both friends with Khalil and therefore both at his stag.

“Before you know it we’re all going down,” one of Khalil’s friends joins in. “Stag after stag, suit after suit, it’s gonna be a blur man.”

“Let’s enjoy it while we can!” Someone cheers and everyone raises their beers. I toast with a smile; blokes loved to act like being in a relationship was the last thing they wanted when I knew most of them were mush in their girlfriend’s hands.

I also smile knowing I bought an engagement ring a few weeks back. I wanted to propose to Shannon, we met on her 22 when a friend invited me along. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the birthday girl. We’d been together since.

“Who do you think’s next?” The bets start going and nobody bets on me. Everyone always thought Shan was too good for me, they were counting on us breaking up. I was going to prove them all wrong.

The night gets sloppier until we all head back to the air bnb we’d rented for this. Tomorrow we were all supposed to go play golf like we were cosplaying old money bastards when we all knew we were just broke blokes from East. But I guaranteed they’d all be too hungover. We would get to the club and just drink the hangovers away.

And I’m right. I update Shan that I’m right when the boys stay in the dining area of the club. They decide on lunch and I step out to talk to my girlfriend.

“No birds allowed this weekend,” someone pipes in when I excuse myself.

“That’s just cuz you’re miserable Eli.” I brush past as the boys laugh. At me. And him.

I catch up with Shan. It was a bright day for September and I stay a little longer after the phone ends. Shan was in med school, she was always stressed or sleep deprived. I tried to support her the best I could—right now she needed moral support that she was going to get an internship she was applying for.

“Mummy doesn’t like when I have sweets,” a small voice says to my left. I look at a father with his daughter. He’s crouched down zipping her sweater up while she rambles on.

“Well it’s going to be our secret.” The dad says. “Sundays are for sweets aren’t they?”

“I love sweets.” She responds.

The father catches my eye and I shoot him a smile.

“Her mum’s going to hear every detail when we get home,” he says as he stands. “Can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

I laugh. The way she was rambling on, I didn’t think so. “How old’s she?”

“6.” He says, smiling down at her fondly. My heart aches.

“Almost 7.” She corrects her dad.

“Birthday’s in the spring.” He says more to me. “But almost 7 sure.”

I see them leave with one more shared smile, like we’re in on something. I imagine that’s how it would feel to be a parent. Always knowing something your kid doesn’t.

My daughter was 6. Wherever she was.

Thinking about the daughter I never had, the girl I lost always leaves me a little winded. Today’s no different.

Yn and I both made an agreement and it had been the hardest thing I’d done. Letting her go. It took me a proper year to even think about moving on.

I liked to think about yn, doing everything she wanted to do. But when I thought about the baby I spiralled into a dark pit. Sometimes when I drank too much, it pulled me in too deep to get out of. That’s what Shan liked to call my depressive drinking. She’s limited me to 3 drinks since.

Before I go in I take a minute to think about yn, where she might be. I hear from friends in high school random facts about her life. But I wonder how she’s doing. If she thinks about our baby like I do. How life would have been if I’d been here, calling her on the phone instead, asking if our baby girl was doing alright.

Age 29.

I stare at the nape of the man in front of me. It couldn’t be, but I’d memorized the back of his head—amongst other things, nearly 2 decades ago and I would bet £1000 I knew who this was. But I continue staring until the cashier rings him up.

In the same voice I remember, the one from my memories and my fantasies, I hear him say: “debit.”

I wait for him to pay before saying, “Harry?”

He turns so quickly he drops his card, wallet, and keys.

“Hi!” I laugh awkwardly and crouch down to help him pick his things up. There’s an awareness that the people in the queue behind me are witness to a moment that feels more intimate than a grocery store chat and it makes me shrink a little in my shell like a spooked turtle.

“Hi I-uh,” Harry short-circuits in front of me as the bored cashier holds his receipt out and stares at him with eyes that have worked one shift too many.

“I’ll just bag-“

“Yeah we can talk later.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile but it feels watery. I couldn’t believe of all the places I’d run into him, it was a grocery queue. How intense in such a mundane place.

As I watch my total rise on screen I risk a glance at Harry. His hand hovers over a white reusable bag, I wonder if that was his. Or his wife’s. If they did their weekly shop in a mismatch of bags that looked like that or they were the type of couple to have a set.

His eyes are on me though, somehow here and not here. I feel the same way.

I look back to the cashier asking me how I was paying. She glances between Harry and I. I don’t look back at him. Or the growing queue a few feet away.

I take my groceries—just some items my mum asked me to pick up, and stuff them into the tote I’m wearing. Harry waits for me by the exit.

“Hi.” He says as his eyes scan my face. I do the same, taking in all the ways time had spent with him. It must have been good—he looked good. “I can’t believe-“

“A Whole Foods of all places.” I laugh. A grin splits his face but his eyes stay on me.

“That smile, that laugh. God I’ve missed you.”

“I…missed you too.” How I could miss someone I’d known for one year and then never again for nearly two decades…I didn’t realize it was possible until now.

“Are you busy?” He asks. “Maybe we can grab a drink or?”

“I don’t…drink.” I hated that I had to announce it to people. I was still at the stage where I was figuring out how to say it confidently, or find a way around saying it.

“Oh.” Harry glances down at my belly and I realize he’d misunderstood but it’s too unspoken to correct him. “Cafe?”

“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Honestly going anywhere with him sounded lovely right now. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and just sit with him. Stare at him and catch up. I couldn’t believe he was here.

We walk in a comfortable but waiting silence, like taking a cold drink out to a park with the anticipation it’s going to be good , and no desperation to open it as soon as you get it.

“Usual? Tea?” Harry asks when we step into a nearby cafe. It’s big for a cafe but has enough students working on laptops to not feel empty. I nod, unsure how to feel that Harry still knows what I order at a cafe. Or that my order hasn’t changed since 17.

I find us a booth and pretty soon he’s sliding into the seat across from me. The two of us can’t stop smiling.

“Hi,” he says again.

“Hi…”

“You look good, the same but better.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” I exclaim. More smiling.

“How’s…I mean, how are you? How is everything? What-“

“There’s so much to ask-“

“I don’t even know how to ask what I want to know!” Harry laughs and I’m warmed from the inside out at the sound of it.

“This shouldn’t be hard!”

“No.” He scrubs his face. “I’m really buzzing that we’ve run into each other.”

“Me too. It’s a bit unbelievable.”

“I know.” He continues gripping his cup and not taking his eyes off of me. It’s the exact way he used to look at me when we were teenagers. It nearly takes my breath away. “You look good—but I already said that. Sorry.”

“No,” I laugh. “That’s all that’s running through my head.”

“Oh—I remember hearing you were engaged a few years ago-“

“Yeah.” I turn my hand so he can see the ring. “Married now. You?”

“Yeah,” he looks down at his own hand. He had so many rings on I couldn’t tell from a glance. “Coming up to 5 years now.”

“Wow. It’s only 1.5 for me but Tatum and I—my husband, we’d been since uni.”

“Took him a while.”

“Mhm,” it had been a sore subject way back then. Harry says it casually but he studies my face. I know he wants to ask more but he’ll politely maneuver around it.

“Are you happy?”

I let out a breath. “That’s more complicated than anything else you could ask!”

“Is it?”

“Yeah I-“ I shrug. “I don’t know if I am. But I also have no idea what I could do about it. So. There’s that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” My stomach curdles with his words. I didn’t want pity, least of all from Harry. Harry. I can’t believe he was here. “I get it though. Everyone says your 30s are even more glorious than your 20s. We’ll see soon enough if they’re right.”

I meet his eye, they always intimidated me to look too long into. Even now, I glance back down at my drink. When I look up again he has a wry smile twisting his lips. He knew.

I was sorry to hear life hadn’t been as good for him. And then I understand, it wasn’t pity he was giving me. He truly was sorry like I.

I thought about Harry often. Of course I did. I liked to imagine him living out his dreams like he always talked about. I liked to imagine him happy and thriving.

“Do you ever think about us?” I have to ask. “If we did it all differently?”

“We would have had a 12 year old with us.”

Hearing him say it feels like someone had taken a screwdriver and opened me up. Raw and exposed. But looking at him I know he thought about her as much as I had. Both of us were apparently mourning a future neither of us had fought for.

“Yeah,” I breathe but I just sound winded.

“We were trying, at one point—Shan and I.” Harry fiddles with his ring. “Did all the tests and the trials and the shite. But no kids. It put a real strain on my relationship. I think we cracked instead of bending. And I don’t think either of us know how to make it right again.”

I grasp his hand and squeeze. “I know what that’s like. It’s hard. I…a couple years ago. I lost a baby. A baby boy. I felt like it was a punishment for-“

“Don’t.”

We hold onto each other, our drinks long forgotten. He holds my hand and it feels like being known again, like I wasn’t such an awful person. That someone could see everything I’ve done and still choose to have love for me.

“I’m sorry.” He tells me.

“Me too.” I bite my lip. With a sigh I let him go and lean back. Here we’d been so excited to bump into each other but we’d both been carrying sorrow and grief. It wasn’t very hopeful.

“So I guess you’re not drinking because you’re-“

“No.” I say, surprisingly without feeling awkward. “I’m just sober right now. Trying to figure out life without a drink.”

“Sounds like torture but I respect that. Sounds hard.”

“It was at first. I like the feeling now of thinking clearly. But I miss a glass of wine I do sometimes.”

We smile at each other.

“So do you live around here?” Harry broaches talking again after both of us had lapsed into silence for a while. I blink away the fog of the past.

“Yeah. You?”

“Nah. Shan’s out of town and I was feeling lonely. Came over to visit my sister. I’m just staying with her for the week.”

“Lucky me then.” I smile.

“Lucky me too.” He smiles back. It’s soft. We’re soft. It felt impossible to me after all this time the tenderness was still the strongest thing between us.

We chat a bit more, much about nothing. What we did for a job, anyone we still kept in touch with from school. Nothing that meant a lot.

“I need to head off now,” I say when my phone buzzes for a second time. “I was on my way to my mum’s. She keeps calling me.”

“Yeah. Don’t want to keep you.” Harry says but he stays seated. So do I.

We continue just studying the other until my phone rings again and I laugh. “It was…I really loved seeing you.”

I slide out and Harry mirrors me. I still come to his chest, he still smells the same and stands the same and looks just as handsome.

“How about uhm, how about dinner some time?” Harry asks. I knew it was coming, it’s still painful saying no.

“I…can’t. I…we can’t just do dinner, can we?”

“No,” Harry bows his head. We had too much history to just do dinner. From what he said—and I knew, both our lives were too complicated to add the allure of each other into the mix. I couldn’t do that to my life as tempted as I was. Especially not sober.

“Yeah.” He stands straight again and gives me space to head to the door. “Good seeing you. Give your mum my best if she doesn’t hate me.”

“She doesn’t.” I assure him. We stand awkwardly not sure if a kiss, a hug, or a wave was appropriate. We settle for a hug.

I remember the last time I was enveloped in his arms, tucked away into his tall frame. When we said goodbye forever, agreed to live our best lives separately. We’d both been too scarred to be anything together. Too much grief.

“Maybe we’ll run into each other again.” Harry smiles at me when we part.

“Maybe,” I say knowing full well I wouldn’t do groceries on the weekend anymore.

With a final wave we both part ways again, this time it doesn’t feel as much like closure.

Age 35.

“Graduation’s graduating, what a mouthful.” I say to Andie. We sit in the parking lot of a local pub back home. Both of us had avoided reunions after going to the first one 10 years ago and being reminded of how much people liked to remind you of who you used to be. But this year Andie found out an old flame was going and single. And this is the first year I saw that Harry had checked off going. So we’d decided to go together.

I could have easily reached out to him. Asked him about meeting up there. But I didn’t want to come across any way. I remember our run-in 6 years ago. We felt the same way—we would do anything for each other, and I didn’t want any affect over him coming. Last I heard he was still in a relationship. Just cuz I was didn’t mean I had to ruin another.

“Okay. We going in?” Andie passes me her flask.

I’d taken to drinking again. Originally I stopped after a particularly bad night when I was 28. It nearly cost me my wedding back then.

I stopped to get sober. To feel what it felt like not to rely on alcohol to keep from feeling my emotions. I had a lot of grief I never processed. And unfortunately being sober, and processing the grief and depression, had ultimately cost me my marriage. But I was better for it. I knew what unconditional love and support was. I didn’t want to settle for someone who only loved me at my best.

Now I felt in control when I drank. I knew when to stop.

“Let’s go!”

“Do you think he’ll remember me?” Andie asks as we walk up to the place.

“You comment on so many of his posts. I think he does.” I tease.

“Gah. It would have saved me so much heartbreak if I just told him back 18 years ago how I felt.”

“Maybe,” I think about my confessed love 18 years ago and the heartbreak that ensued.

“Well at least I would have gotten him outta my system. Oh god I see him-“

“Hi ladies,” we’re stopped near the front and given name tags, making small talk with the girls working the booth. I vaguely remember them from a club but I have to read their name tags to pretend I remembered them at all.

Andie ditches me pretty quickly but I don’t mind. I find some friends I saw a couple times a year. Guess this was the couple time this year.

The whole time my eyes scan the room. People had brought their partners and I wondered if Harry would do the same. Deep down, I prayed he didn’t. I just wanted to see him.

I spot him halfway through the night. He’s leaning against the bar talking to Khalil. I remembered they used to be friends, he was always nice to me while Harry and I dated.

I watch him talk and drink. I lose him for a bit and then catch him leaving. Shite.

I excuse myself and rush out but nearly trip over myself slowing down. He was just outside for a smoke break.

“When did that habit start?” I ask. He nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Fu-y/n you scared me.” He shakes his face dramatically, like he’s getting something off of it. I bite back a smile, he was pretty drunk. “When did you get here? I didn’t know you came to these things?”

“I don’t.” I correct him. I couldn’t tell him I came for him. “It was just the name of this reunion, Graduation’s graduating. How could I pass it up?”

This earns a laugh. Eases the air between us. “Did you see Oli in there? He’s gotten bald.”

“He looks like his dad actually,” I remember his dad was always coming to Oli’s football matches, screaming at his son to run faster.

“Glad you didn’t end up with him?” Harry smirks.

“Oh yeah. I heard last reunion he just kept going up for the karaoke sober. If I want my bloke to embarrass me, at least give him the excuse of being drunk.”

“Shit,” Harry laughs. “I remember that! I remember! Wish I could forget!”

I laugh with him. “Harry you’re getting pretty close to drunk yourself.”

“Ah yeah. More than 3 drinks that, I’m being naughty tonight.”

I scrunch my nose, no idea what he’s talking about.

“I can’t believe you’re here tonight,” Harry says again. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another 12 years after our last time.”

“Thought I’d halve the time.” I watch Harry squash out the butt.

“Glad you did.” He looks at me and I’m 17 again. Why couldn’t we both be single? Why did I come here knowing I couldn’t have him.

Maybe I was as masochistic as the person who invented maths.

“Yn?” A voice calls out to me. “Oi! It is you I thought I was dreaming you up! What a sight!”

I’d been avoiding Oli all night. Not anymore.

I glance at Harry and he hides a smirk. Oli notices Harry then and his face hardens a little.

“Oli! Long time!” I go in for the hug he’s reaching for, unsure why he was so sweaty on an autumn night. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he grins at me. “You look good! Not a day over 25.”

“Don’t flatter me Oli,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not going to get you anything.”

“I’m not looking! I swear it!” He says earnestly. “I’m just paying you a compliment. It’s good to see you. Hey, I’m actually in a good relationship. Gonna propose to her.”

“Are you? What’s she like?”

I stand in the brisk evening as Oli tells me about his girlfriend. I’m happy for him, what we had in high school wasn’t really a relationship but I never wished him bad. He was a good guy, I was glad he found his person.

I change the subject when he asks about my love life, tell him I was getting cold. We head back in and I tell him I’d catch up to him later. I’d lost Harry and wanted to find him again. I had more I wanted to talk about.

“Khalil,” I interrupt him playing pool. He goes in for a hug and I engage in polite small talk until I tire of it. “I’m looking for Harry.”

“Of course you are,” he wags a finger at me. “I saw him leaving ten minutes ago?”

“Jeez really?” I couldn’t believe I missed him! After coming here just for him. Maybe he had to get home, maybe he had a kid by now. Had to tuck him in.

“He’s not doing so well since the divorce-“

“What?” I stare at Khalil like he’s spoken gibberish. Why hadn’t I heard about that?

“Ehm yeah. He’s pretty private about it.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah. He’s been separated a few years now but he just signed the papers a couple weeks ago. I dunno. He gets kinda depressed around this time of year. Probably the weather.”

It was September. It wasn’t the weather.

I had to find him.

I brush past the people I went to school with. I followed Harry outside to a roof 17 years ago and today I follow him out to find him again. We needed to talk.

I look both ways, hoping for a miracle.

I spot a figure slumped on the far end of the road. I recognize the church, it was where we went every Easter and Christmas growing up.

I walk towards the figure until I can make out the hair. It was Harry. Thank god.

“Why’d you leave?” I ask him when he looks up to my approaching footsteps.

“I drank too much,” he hangs his head again. I sit beside him.

“I heard about the divorce. I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugs. “We separated a while ago. It was coming for a long time.”

“Yeah. Still.” I say.

We sit in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the faint noises from the pub down the road.

“She’s in her last year by now.” I say without further explanation. I know he’d know.

“Our baby’s 17.”

Our baby? I feel choked up. All these years we’d been apart, built our own lives, and there was still an our even when there hadn’t been.

“It’s always been us hasn’t it?” Harry says. “Nobody understands.”

“They couldn’t. We were so young, making such a big decision.”

“Oh y/n.” He leans into me and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He’s cold, his jacket pooled on the steps around him. I gather it to spread over his shoulder but he stops me. “How much heartbreak can you have in one lifetime?”

I sit, aching for the pain Harry was going through. Knowing it was mirrored in me.

“I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I know that.”

“Me too.” Harry sighs. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.” I intertwine our hands. They still fit the exact same, all these years later. I examine them, but they looked the same too. I wonder if our baby girl ever looked at her hands, wondered who she inherited them from.

“D’you think she thinks about us?” Harry asks what I’m thinking.

“Maybe.” I say. “I like to think so. I just hope she doesn’t hate us for giving her up.”

“Yeah me too I think…” he hangs his head. I hear him sniffle. Seems like Harry hit the point of drinking where all you could feel is regret. I remember those days. I knew where he was.

When he doesn’t finish his sentence I fill the silence; “Me and Tatum split uh…four years ago now.” I update him. “You probably heard something about it. I remember my mum saying she ran into yours when it was happening. They probably talked all about it.”

I wait for Harry to give confirmation but he stays the way he is.

“I went sober a few years before then. Almost ruined our wedding cuz I was exactly where you were. Unprocessed grief and all I could do was drink about it. I’d given up a baby at 18, then lost a baby a decade later. It feels silly to say out loud, that something that never really came into this world—something the size of a fruit could act like the rock you push up the hill every morning. The grief you fight at your darkest times. How could we be haunted by something that didn’t even exist—not technically. But that’s just the way it was. And that’s the way it had to be when we were 18. I’m not always sure I made the right decision overall but I know it was a decision we had to make at the time. I’ve had to find my peace. So do you Harry.”

“Yeah. I-I have to. Y’know? Sometimes I wonder if I would have made her proud.” Harry sniffles. I had similar thoughts. My throat feels tight remembering. “I don’t think, right now, I would be.”

“She’s so loved. She is so loved Harry. Whatever…wherever she is.”

“I love you.” Harry turns to me. His face is raw with grief and emotion. “Never stopped loving you. But I don’t want to give you this version of me.”

“I’ll take any version of you Harry.” I reassure him. “I think we’ve seen too much of each other to be able to hide anything away.”

He tips forward slowly until his head rests on my chest. I hold him there, just like he’d done for me so many years ago. I tell him the type of thing that meant everything to me back then and I hope it helps him to hear it: “We’ll get through this Harry.”

***

“I don’t remember getting here.”

I look up from my book, Harry stands in my kitchen with a confused look on his face. It was weird seeing him here in my flat. But it was so right too.

“We walked home. I thought you sobered up.”

“Nuh-uh.” He takes a few steps towards me, hesitant.

“Coffee?”

“Maybe I’ll take a shower first?”

“First door on your right. Extra towels in the cupboard.”

“Thanks.”

We look at one another for a beat before he moves back. I make another pot of coffee and clean up from breakfast while he showers.

Next time he walks back in he looks a lot better. Smells nice too.

“Black please.” He says when I hold the coffee up.

I pour him a cup and watch him sip it.

“Thank you for last night.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell him.

“I remember what you said to me. You’re right of course. I think I knew it, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. Nobody knew about us…”

“You didn’t have to keep it a secret ‘til this day Harry.” I was surprised he had. “You didn’t even tell any of your friends?”

“The only people who knew were my family, a-and Shan. But. Year after year it didn’t mean the same thing to her. I stopped talking to her about it pretty quickly. Think it made it worse because her and I couldn’t actually…”

“Yeah.” I understood.

“But I realized. I think it was losing both of you. I feel like you were taken away too. We just went from being around each other all the time to cold turkey. That was a loss too so…”

“Yeah.” Again, I understood.

“I’m 35. I’ve gotta…get my head on straight.”

I examine him. “Looks okay to me?”

He smiles and puts his cup down.

“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”

“Meh that was years ago. Hard then. Fine now. For the best.”

“I agree,” Harry moves around the table to stand where I am. My heart pulses just like it always does around him. He rests a hand on my hip, dragging it up to wrap around my waist. He must feel how hard my heart’s beating. “Did I tell you? That I love you?”

“Maybe?” I feel myself growing more present. The hole that always lived inside of me growing even smaller in this moment. It allows me to settle on the floor better; less air, more weight.

“Well I do. I love you. At 17, or at 35.” He says this with a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“Well. I love you.” I return the kiss, relish in the way his hand grips my tank. “At 17, or 35.”

“Sometimes I wish I held on tighter at 17. But I look at you now and I’m excited to get to know you again.”

His words pour over me like honey. It was sweet we were still on the same page.

“I’m not letting you go this time.” Harry whispers in my ear. He pulls me in tight, swaying from side to side. “I want to spend 41 and 50 with you. I want all of you, every side.”

“Perfect,” I peer up at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.”

“And maybe one day,” he continues in a hush voice. “We’ll get a call from a young girl. She’ll tell us all about her life in a town up north. About a picture she has of her mother dressed like her father and her father dressed like her mother.”

“She’ll tell us she’s had a good life, and she’s thought about the people in the picture. She’d tell us she wants to meet them.”

“We would be able to show her the love we kept for her. Our love’s like a venn diagram, the bit in the middle is just for her. She’d know why she was born in the first place.”

“Closure,” I whisper to him. “We would know closure.”

I remember the day she was taken, how the loss of not even being able to see her felt bigger than the loss of her itself back then.

I think of a 17 year old girl, with green eyes and brown hair. With my smile and Harry’s dimples. My hands, and Harry’s height. She was loved by people, families, that she didn’t even know existed yet.

They say if you love something, let it go. If it’s meant to be it’ll come back.

As Harry and I stay intertwined in the kitchen of my flat, I send out a wish into the universe for her like I did most days. That she was healthy, happy, and one day curious enough to seek us out. That one day, she would come back.

Right now I focus on the man in my arms. The one I never thought I’d get to hold again. For now this was all I needed. I’d loved him, let him go, and after so many years apart, we were back.

#harry styles fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #fic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry stylesxreader #read with caution #sad but hopeful #kinda nervous to post #this fic is qd

[hunflowers]

pull me in

a/n: okayyyyyyyy a little writing because i missed writing but it's been hard writing a big story. satellite blurb about friend!harry and (thought to be) unrequited love hehe

Everyone knew the feelings you two had for each other. The feelings that went unannounced every day for years.

The constant questions you would ask about him, wondering where he was. The constant wondering if you actually liked him or if he was just reading you wrong. It was like this for years but life kept going, never once allowing you to stop and think, eventually causing you to drift apart.

The infatuation, admiration, and love were persistent, though, no matter how far apart you grew. You weren't exactly sure why.

When you turned eighteen, you went off to university in London to study education, and Harry had pursued his career in music. You had your mutual friends but it had been years since you physically saw or spoke to him. You had boyfriends and lovers and focused intently on your studies and career, so the pestering thought of a particular famous musician should've gone away. It was your plan, after all.

After a night out where you drunkenly admitted your feelings to an also drunk Harry and him not saying anything in return, you made sure to never embarrass yourself like that again.

Unbeknownst to you, however, Harry didn't hear you. Between the music, the slur of your words, and the guy talking in his left ear, he couldn't make out what you were trying to tell him. When he was trying to read your lips and form some sentence in his head, he saw the look on your face change and the smile you had quickly shaped into a frown. He was ready to ask you to repeat yourself but then that guy talking in his left ear stepped between you two to start talking to someone nearby. Then you ran off and Harry never knew what it was that you said.

It was a sore subject so even if your friends tried to talk to you about Harry and that night, you would quickly dismiss them, urging them to talk about anything else. Because you were so certain there was nothing to even talk about. He didn't harbor the same feelings as you, and that's okay, you couldn't force him to like you.

Over the course of the nearly ten years since that happened, you would be lying if you said you didn't listen to his music at all or notice him on tabloid covers. It was very hard to fully avoid someone that famous from your hometown who is still friends with your friends.

Though, you did a pretty good job if you did say so yourself. Through the rollout of his first two albums and the many invitations to his concerts, you always respectfully declined, saying you had too much to do to spend a night with screaming fangirls pining over the same man as you.

"Y/N, c'mon, it'll be fun! You haven't had a proper night out in a long time," Lynn, one of the few remaining links between you and Harry, and also your best friend, said. She pouted her lips, clasping her hands together and holding them under her chin to really emphasize her puppy-dog look. She had seen this trick far too many times with her students that she's immunized.

You shook your head, continuing to fold your laundry. "Sorry, babe, I'm just not feeling up for it. Concerts aren't m'thing."

Lynn scoffed, "No, his concerts aren't your thing. Which, in my opinion, is crazy because he knows how to put on a good show."

"That's great but I'm still not going."

"It's a free ticket!"

"Sorry."

It was the same fight for years. You just didn't want to go no matter how much your friends hype him up.

With his third album, however, your opinion slightly changed. Release day came and you picked a few songs to listen to. You liked them all which wasn't a surprise, but then you heard 'Satellite'.

You had no reason to believe it was about you because surely you weren't that lucky. But then you listened to it again and again. You got a new life, am I bothering you?

You called Lynn immediately. You had to know if someone else had the same thought. "I think so. I mean, he's been asking about you a lot lately, so I wouldn't be surprised."

"What do you mean he's been asking about me?"

"What else could that mean, Y/N?"

You sat in silence for a moment biting on your bottom lip. "What have you told him?"

"We've been telling him you 'aven't got time with anyone anymore because you only care about work."

"Lynn-"

"It's true, babe. You can't tell me it's not."

I can see you're lonely down there.

You laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. Before the phone call ended, Lynn said he invited you lot to his One Night Only show in London. She told you not to give her an answer yet and to actually think about this one before going off and dismissing everyone again.

You didn't think though because the next morning as soon as you woke up, you agreed to go. Just this once. For the experience. That's all.

You were so nervous when the day finally came. You asked if you would be seeing him before or after the show and Lynn said, "Probably both. Take a deep breath, it'll be fun."

You were let backstage when you arrived, escorted to a lounge where Harry and his family already were.

You nearly stopped in your tracks at the sight of him. It was a while since you’ve last been this close to him — but honestly, it wasn’t until you saw his face that you realized you truly have missed him.

You can’t decide how pathetic that is just yet, so you opt to get a drink from the mini bar set up before getting the chance to embarrass yourself.

However, Harry had also spotted you right away. He nearly leapt up from his seat when he saw that you actually took him up on his invitation. He remained cool though, casually getting up and making his way over towards you.

“Y/N, hi, I’m so glad y’decided to come,” Harry spoke behind you, causing you to jump a little at the suddenness. You turned around, nearly at the same distance when you last confessed your feelings. You got a small little flashback to that time but quickly disregarded it, giving him a small smile before reaching over for a hug.

“I figured it was time to see just how good you are,” you laughed, making him give a small chuckle in return. Without either of you realizing, the hug lasted a good while. You just stood there in each other’s embrace because this was a moment long in the making. You had every right to embrace it — and him.

And when that moment came that you both realized you should probably let go, you did; but not completely. Your hands remained on his shoulders and his on your hips as you stared into each others eyes, trying to read whatever emotions you could.

Was this good? Was this what you needed? Could you tell if he’s missed you as much as you have him?

You think yes is the answer to all of these questions. You both shared a small smile before completely distancing, waving him goodbye as he was urged to make his way to stage.

Lynn was watching the whole thing from across the room. Little to your knowledge, Lynn told Harry what happened that night all those years ago. How you confessed your feelings and was heartbroken because it seemed like he didn’t even care that you told him.

He did care. A lot. But by the time she told Harry, you had already began your distancing, opting to never seeing him again, despite him wanting to talk a few times. So he moved on just like you did, or so he thought he did (or so you thought you did).

But in that very moment, you, Harry, and Lynn knew that this was the start of something beautiful, this was the start of something that should’ve happened a long time ago. And when he goes on stage tonight to sing that special song, he’ll be looking for you, singing it for you.

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in.

#so this has been in my drafts forever????? didn’t even realize #i never quite finished the ending but i figured y’all deserve to read this #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles

[harryxmarvel]

Harry Styles Masterlist

One shots -

Broken trust - Y/n overhears harry calling her annoying

Expect - Harry priorities work over his family

Shatter my soul , part 2 - Harry has been suffering from an addiction and y/n decides to take time for herself or based on this ask

CEO!Harry universe (coming soon)

Point of view (povs)

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Last updated ~ April 13

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #writer #harry styles smut #romance #scenarios #liam payne #louis tomilson #niall horan #one direction #harry smut #harry styles smile #harrys house #harry styles hair #harry potter #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry x y/n #yn #harry styles reader insert #harry styles x reader #long reads #masterlist #harryxmarvel

[harrysarchive]

A request where Harry styles is a college football star student who has a crush on his single sexy proffesor, reader. One day, reader asked him to see after class

after class: h.s.

pairing: fratboy!harry x professor!reader

summary:

"i can tell you like the thought of this rendezvous with me." i smirk and she gasp.

"that is very inappropriate mr. styles."

or

fratboy harry has a hot professor and she calls him in after class.

warning:

SMUT 18+ PLEASE

p.s.a i didn't write the exact request but this is what i felt comfortable writing! thank you for the request! <3

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘'𝐒

𝐏𝐎𝐕

i let out an exaggerated sigh as i make my way to english literature, introduction to romantic poetry was the lesson of the week. at least the professor is bangin' hot. thick thighs, amazing curves and what looks like a d-cup set nicely on her chest.

professor y/l/n.

she was a recent graduate of the University of Georgia, the current school i was attending. a full ride football scholarship, i was the best wide receiver in the nation, uni's form all states where trying to pull me. i made the decision to attend UGA on logistics, the best football team in all the states, currently undefeated.

"you ready to see our professor?" niall snaps me out of my thoughts wiggling his eyebrows.

"bloody hell, yes. i don't think i could thank my advisor more for forcing me to do this class." i snicker and he chuckles shaking his head.

"tell me 'bout it." he comments licking his lips and i scrunch my face in disgust.

"watch yourself horan." i mumble as i see a group of girls waving at me and sending winks my way, i send them a wave before averting my eyes.

niall throws a punch at my arm before starting a light jog and i huff out a laugh before following him. sooner than later we find ourselves in professor y/l/n's lecture hall.

"romantic poetry is the poetry of the Romantic era, an artistic, literary, musical and intellectual movement that originated in Europe towards the end of the 18th century." professor y/l/n's states as she walks around her desk, a gray pencil skirt hugs her curvy hips, her freshly shaven legs on display, and a black turtleneck that sticks to her skin like glue. "i've decided to take a different route then the normal, 'Sonnet 18 by the beloved William Shakespeare', and instead we will start this unit with something from my background, 'El Beso' by Angelina Weld Grimké. which translates to 'the kiss', Grimké wrote the poem about a love song, full of passion, yearning, and confused emotions."

i lick my lips and pull my bottom lip between my teeth, she sits back on the desk and her hips plush out even more.

i never would've thought i could listen so much in a class.

"as like your other projects in my class you will either make a short story, making it easier for the common eye to read or, you will make a photo reflection. with that being said i would also like a short summary over 'El Beso.' she smiles at the class, "any questions?" no one raises their hand except, well me. "yes mr. styles?" she cocks an eyebrow.

"what is the grade point based on?"

"like all your other projects it depends on efficiency, the structure and etcetera." she replied folding her hand in-front of her chest, "also if i could see you after class mr. styles, we need to talk."

my heart drops to the pit of my stomach and i gulp down the knot in my throat, "of course professor y/l/n."

i'm fucked.

"thank you so much for working hard today! i cant wait to see all of the things you guys have come up with. there will be a short quiz over El Beso next class so study hard!" professor y/l/n shooes everyone out, class ticked by at the slowest rate known to man kind.

i stand awkwardly at the foot of her desk and wait till she turns around beaming a smile at me.

"ah mr. styles! exactly who i wanted to see. please follow me to my office." she starts walking towards the direction of the locked office and opens it with her key.

"now no need to be scared, just wanted to talk to you about your grades." she smiles pointing me to sit in the chair in front of her desk.

she slides into her rollie chair as well and pulls out a manila folder with my name on the top right corner.

"okay it's just that you seem to be doing exceptional in my class, you are one of the top students that i have."

"but..?" i wait for the wooing factor that's bound to happen.

"but you are barely passing your other classes." she pulls out what looks like a report card you would get in grade school.

"a seventy is passing." i state bluntly as i look over the grades.

"that is true mr. styles, very true but how are you making seventy precent in all other class and passing mine with a ninety percentage average?"

it's because you make me focus.

"how do i make you focus?" she answer the question i thought was just in my head.

"i don't know okay? i mean look at you! you're the hottest professor i have! it hard not to pay attention when you are the professor!"

her eyes widen at my outburst and her ears flush, she straightens herself out and i notice that she squeezes her thighs together.

"i'm sorry? that i distract you?" she stutters putting her glasses on the top of her head.

"i can tell you like the thought of this rendezvous with me." i smirk and she gasp.

"that is very inappropriate mr. styles."

i get up and make my way towards her side of the desk pulling her chair out, i let my hands travel up her sides and to her shoulders, massaging them slowly as she lets out a whine.

"tell me this doesn't turn you on. the thought of you and me. me bending you over this goddamn desk and me fucking you senseless." i whisper in her ear and a shiver runs down her spine.

"we can't." she says bluntly causing a chuckle to leave my mouth.

"i didnt ask if we could did i, love?" she holds back an answer and i bring my lips to her neck pressing kisses on her sensitive skin, "i asked if this turns you on."

she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and murmurs, "fuck it." before spinning around and crashing her lips with mine. i eagerly kiss back slipping my tongue between her mouth, she lets a moan slips out. i slip between her legs and my arms grab underneath her thighs picking her up with ease.

"wait," she whines pulling apart and pushing my chest.

"what baby?" i practically cry out wanting nothing more than to kiss her puffy lips again.

"the door, i didn't lock it."

i let out a chuckle before dropping her to her feet and briefly pecking her lips, quickly locking the door. y/n leans over the desk, the plump of her ass sticking out.

"so you do want this?" i muse as my hand runs along down arch of her back.

"shut up and fuck me." she grunts through gritted teeth causing my cock to swell in my pants.

i slip a hand through the front of her skirt splitting her sleek folds before my thumb makes contact with her sensitive puffy clit rubbing tight circles, her whimpers and moans start to fill the air, "you're soaked baby." i mumble in her ear and she shivers.

"please." she pleas, grabbing ahold on her skirt hiking it up and they bunch on her plump hips.

"wanna taste ya cunt first." i groan sitting in her chair as i pull down her red lace thong, "ya tryna to kill me."

pressing a kiss to the arch of her back i make my way down to her puffy cunt, jesus fuck, i spread her glistening folds pressing a kiss to her clit, she lets out a breathy moan before pushing her hips back licking a broad stripe through her folds, muffling my own groan of pleasure.

"oh harry." she shuddered pulling her hand to her mouth, trying to suppress the small moans and whimpers that were trying to escape her.

"no," i growl against her and slap her plushy ass, "let them out, i wanna her you."

her jaw fell open as a beautiful pornographic moan erupted through the room, knuckles white as they fisted the bottom of the desk, nails digging in the wood leaving small angry marks, her hips pushing back into my face.

my hands were around her thighs, pulling her closer to me, holding her still as she huffed out a breath through her swollen lips. i begged her with my actions, digging fingers into her beautiful melanin flesh and willed her to cum on my face.

"har, 'm gonna cum!" she moaned bucking her hips.

"do it." i spat shortly.

she lets out a high pitched moan as her orgasm hits her, i let her ride it out coaxing her swollen clit. my hands quickly unbutton my pants and i yank them down along with my boxers.

"got my cock leaking honey." i muse lightly fisting my bulge.

"fuck me please." she whines arching her back further.

"yeah you want my cock bad?" i tease swiping my swollen tip through her velvet folds.

not wanting to tease us both any longer i positioned my cock at her entrance, pushing inside her in one fluid motion. she moaned loudly, my hands moving to her lower back, fingers digging into her skin i groaned at the feeling of being inside her. i fucked into her at a torturously steady pace. she grounded her hips down to meet my movements, desperate for more, silently begging me to meet that soft spot inside of her. my hand moves to her neck, wrapping around her throat and she whines.

" 's good." she slurred as her legs start to buckle.

i pull her up with the hand that's around her neck, moving it to her face before turning her head to give her a bruising kiss. once we pulled away i push her down again my hips snapping faster craving a release. i looked at her like she was artwork, displayed just for me in a pornographic arch. my pace was fast, smooth and shallow thrusts, keeping my hips angled so my cock could hit that spongy place that makes her eyes roll back.

"faster h! please!" she cried pushing her hips back, i rocked my hips faster against her before looking down where we connected, i gather saliva in my mouth before spitting between us.

"that's it baby, that's it, take it like a good girl." i gasp out gripping her hips with an iron grip not letting her run from my thrust. i felt her spazzing around me and a choked moan left my lips, my hand moves around to her front and my thumb connects with her swollen pearl.

"cum for me baby." i grunt and she lets out a whine clawing the front of her desk.

she clenched around me and i let out a gasp as we both finally released. my thrusts we're starting to slow down, giving her a sharp pump keeping my cock there as her orgasm hit her. she screams my name as her eyes closed and legs shook. i stood above her as i waited for her pulse to calm down. i let out a breathy chuckle before pulling out and grabbing a tissue for the box of her desk. i quickly clean her before placing a kiss on her plump ass and pull her thong up.

"what do you want for dinner love?" i ask as she pushes her skirt back into place.

she turns around with a smile on her lips before pushing me to sit in her chair and sitting in my lap, "dunno, we haven't gone grocery shopping this week, we have nothing in the fridge."

i play with the diamond ring that rested on her left hand before bringing it to my lips and placing a kiss on it.

"i can go if you want sum pet."

"yeah been craving your chicken parm." she groans out rubbing her stomach, i let out a chuckle before kissing her lips.

"okay want anything else?"

"those crisps i like, the spicy ones." she hums running a hand through my hair, "best fiancé out there."

"yeah? 'm the best?" i tease her and she nods.

a/n: PLOT TWIST😭🤣🤣 i knew i wanted them to have a real relationship but i didn't know if i wanted it to be a "they use to date" relationship or a "they're engaged" relationship😋

also a lil introduction about me i'm 19! my full name is emily but please call me em! i am mexican (MEXICORRY RISE🇲🇽) my pronouns are she/her/hers. i've been a fan of harry since xfactor days so i'm not new to this fandom🫶🏽 that's all you get rn ;)

-all the love,

em

xo🐝

#harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x plus size reader #harry styles x poc #harry styles x you #harry update #harry x reader #harry angst #frat boy harry #harry smut #harry styles x y/n #harry fluff #harrys house #harry au #fandom #fanfic #fic reading #fic rec

[cinemastyles-backup]

Summary: Y/N and Harry lose contact after many years and finally run into each other and he invites y/n to his listening party for his album, Fine Line and reconnect.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, unprotected sex, oral, hair pulling, general filth

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

After breaking the news to Harry about my parents moving, I sat there in silence.

After a few moments he lays an arm over my shoulder and I look over at him, "I'm going to miss you y/n." He says with tears in his eyes.

I sniffle and nod, "I know, Harry. I'm going to miss you. I wish I could stay." I wipe my tears away with my sweatshirt sleeve.

"Everyone at the bakery is going to miss you, too." He rubs my shoulder, "We'll have to call each other every night."

I nod, "Just promise me one thing."

He nods, "Anything, y/n."

"Just follow your dreams of being a singer. Don't give up. I know you can make it." I lean in and kiss his cheek.

He smiles slightly, "I will. I'll get big and famous and I'll find you. I promise."

I get up and walk towards the door and Harry calls out my name. I turn and he walks over to me, "Promise me you'll travel the world like you've always wanted to do."

I nod, "I love you, Harry."

"I love you, Y/N."

And with a simple peck on the lips, I was gone. On a plane with my parents to a new life.

—— Years Later

"This is beautiful." I say tilting my head, "It definitely has a very strong story behind it, don't you think?" I turn to my friend. She tilts her head and nods, "Oh, it definitely does, y/n."

"Something about not knowing who you are and going through the ups and downs then coming out of absolute hell.. knowing who you are." I pause for a moment, my eyes going over every paint line.

"Wow. That's- I don't even know how to respond to that." She laughs slightly, "Are you okay?" I nod and smile, "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Let's walk over here."

We walk over, looking around at the other paintings on the walls.

I walk over to this one paintings hanging up and it reminds me of someone. The feelings I'm getting from looking at this piece of art, is the same feeling I remember having when I said goodbye to Harry.

Like something important to you is being ripped away and you have absolutely no control over it.

I find myself smiling as I think of the times with Harry. At the bakery, goofing around in his living room, walking in the park, arguing over stupid stuff, and the first time he kissed me.

God, he was so nervous. It was so cute.

I zone out and go to turn and I bump into the back of someone, "Oh gosh. I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't see you there."

He slowly turns his head and my stomach drops.

"Harry?"

"Y/N?"

He immediately takes me into his arms and spins me around, "What are you doing here?"

I keep my arms around him, "I'm traveling the world." He laughs, "I can't- I ju- oh my god." He hugs me tighter.

We stand there, in the middle of the art gallery holding onto each other.

He steps back, keeping his hands on my shoulders, "Still as beautiful as ever." His words make me blush, "Harry." I look down and he pulls me into his chest again.

"What's going on here?" Jess asks walking over to me. I smile and step away but still keeping an arm around Harry's waist, "Jess.. this is Harry."

"As in.. the Harry?" Her mouth drops, "No way." She looks over at him, "She never stops talking about you, by the way."

I scoff, "No. I-"

"I never stop talking about her either, so it's okay." He rubs my back and I smile.

"This is straight out of a rom com, dude." Jess shakes her head, "This is crazy." I nod and look up at Harry, "I know. I know. What are you doing in Berlin?"

He keeps his eyes on me, "I'm hosting a, um, listening party for my second album."

I smile, "Second one already?."

"It sure is."

I lay my head on him, "I knew you could do it." He points to me, "I have her to thank. I didn't give up. I wanted to, trust me. But I promised her I wouldn't."

"This is fucking insane." Jess smiles, "I can't-" she shakes her head, "We need to go get coffee and you need to fill me in on the love of Harry and y/n."

She starts to walk to the exit.

"Do you have time to get coffee?" I ask Harry. He nods, "Of course I do." We follow Jess out the door and walk down the street to a little cafe.

——

"So yeah. That's the story of Harry and y/n." I say smiling over at Harry. He nods and sips his coffee, "It sure is."

"So, you told her you'd find her?" Jess asks pointing to me while looking at Harry. He nods, "I did." She points to Harry and looks at me, "And you promised him you'd travel the world?"

I nod, "Correct." She shakes her head and smiles, "Straight out of a rom com." She shakes her head and quickly sets her cup down, "So wait. He's the one who wrote that 'woman la-la-la-la-la wo-woman' song you like so much?"

"Yes, and he's the one who also wrote Kiwi. The one you like a lot."

"Ah. So you do listen to my music." Harry teases, "It's a great album, I know, I know.

I roll my eyes and laugh, "And now, you have your second album." I shake my head and smile at him, "I'm proud of you, Harry."

He smiles and looks over at Jess when she puts her hand up, "So you're hosting a what?" Jess asks drinking her coffee. He runs a hand through his hair, "A listening party. You guys should come. You'll get to hear my new album, Fine Line." He looks at me, "Will you come?"

I nod, "Of course, Harry." I lay a hand on his and his thumb gently rubs the back of my hand, "I won't miss it."

His phone goes off and he reaches into his sweater pocket to grab it, "I have to take this. I'll be right back." He winks at me and walks away.

"Your parents ripped you away from that?" Jess says lowly. I nod, "Yep. Didn't even give me a choice. Just.." I point my thumb into the air.

Harry walks back over, "That was someone from my team, I have to go and okay everything for tomorrow. If you give me your number, y/n, I can text you the details."

I take his phone and add my number, "I'll be expecting a text from you." I smile and hand him his phone back, "Of course you'll get one." He leans down and kisses my cheek, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"You sure will." Jess says hitting the table, "See you Harry." She waves to him and nudges me as he walks away, "He's still in love with you."

I watch as he rounds the corner and disappears, "And I'm still in love with him."

——

I walk up to the doors with Jess by my side, "I'm so excited." She says pulling on the door, "I've never been to a listening party."

"Me either, so I'm sure this will be an experience." I walk in past her and make our way to where Harry told us to go.

"You made it!" Harry says jogging over to me, "Glad to see you." He wraps his arms around me, holding me until I lean back, "I'm glad to see you."

All I want is to kiss him right now.

He smiles and keeps me in arms reach as he starts to give his speech about his album. I watch as his eyes gleam with happiness and I can't help but smile the whole time.

He glances over at me every now and then and he smiles every time.

He finishes up his speech and walks over to me, "I'm so excited for you to hear this." He hands me a pair of head phones after putting a pair around his neck.

"I'm excited to hear it." I bite my lip and sit down, placing the headphones on my ears.

Harry sits across from me and shakes his head as he smiles.

I can't believe after all these years, I finally have Harry with me again, I promise I'm not letting him go this time.

A few song play that are upbeat and very catchy. The one that starts playing is slow. There's a piano playing. Harry's voice is slow and mellow to start then suddenly it hits me and I start to tear up. I quickly wipe my tears away and look up.

Harry tilts his head and gives me a thumbs up. I nod and smile. This song is kinda sad and it breaks my heart because he sings about what If he's not someone he doesn't want around or something. I'm not sure, it's a sad song to me.

I give Harry a pouty look and my eyes water.

"Falling?" He mouths to me.

I nod and he smiles, "it's okay."

The song ends and the next one is him calling himself an arrogant son of a bitch, and I can't help but giggle.

I glance over at him and he's looking around at everyone who came to listen to his music.

He looks so good in his striped shirt and sweater vest pulled over it. His hair slicked back and the way his chin rests on his hand.

I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts. I bite my lip and close my eyes, listening to the sound of Harry's voice - which doesn't help.

His voice is so sexy and genuine.

I take a quiet deep breathe and look up at him. He's watching me. God, I hope he didn't pick up on me checking him out.

I can feel my cheeks getting hotter as the thoughts get harder to fight off. As young teens, sex wasn't even thought about, I mean, it most likely would have happened but we're grown now and now Harry can probably throw me aro-

Stop it. Stop it.

I smile up at Harry and he smirks.

Shit.

He could read me like a book then, I'm sure he still can.

——

"Well?" He asks eagerly waiting to hear the feedback.

"Harry. That was... wow." Jess says making an explosion noise as she wiggles her fingers around her head.

"Falling made me tear up. But I think you saw that." I smile slightly and look down. He gives me a hug and leans down, "I saw a lot of things." He whispers lowly into my ear, "You're still an open book to me, y/n."

Well damn.

"Yeah- I-" I sigh, "You got me." I laugh and look up at him. He smiles and lightly drags his hand down my back, "We can talk about it over dinner, yeah?"

I nod, "Yes. Please." He smiles, "Okay. Just give me like an hour or two to meet and greet and then we can head back to my hotel." He winks and walks over to the group of people looking at his album.

"Did I hear you're going back to his hote!?" Jess whispers, "Giiirl." I shake my head, "Not like- no. For dinner."

"And dessert." She winks before walking away to look around. I sit back down in the seat and I can't help but smile. My thoughts running back to when Harry and I were together.

He comes over to check on me every now and then and finally it's time to go.

"Ready?" He asks slipping his jacket on. I nod, "Yes I am." I look over at Jess and she waves for me to go. Harry holds his hand out and I take it. He leads me outside and we get into a car.

"My hotel please." He tells the driver. He leans back and turns his body towards me, "So."

"So." I turn towards him.

"What did you really think of it?"

I smile, "Harry. You are amazing. That album.. I don't even have words to explain how good it was." He smiles, "Thank you. It really means a lot. I kept writing and writing and writing. I've wanted to reach out but I've been so busy with touring and-"

"Harry. You don't need to explain yourself to me." I lean up and lay a hand on his, "I understand. Life happened. We grew up."

He nods, "Yeah. Yeah we did." I see him bite his lip before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. He leans back and smiles, "I've been thinking of doing that since I seen you yesterday."

"Me too." I smile and bring him in for another kiss. This time our lips move in sync and his hands pull me closer to him. My hands slide up his arms and I lay one on the back of his neck.

"I've missed you." He whispers against my lips.

"I've missed you." I say. My eyes start to burn and I lean back and fan them, "Sorry. Sorry." He moves closer to me, "Hey, hey. It's okay."

I lay my head on his chest as he holds me against him. He's quiet for a few minutes before he chuckles.

"What?" I ask laughing with him. He drops his head so his lips are by my ear, "I've been thinking about doing other things, too."

I bite my lip and look up at him, "So have I." He traces my jaw line with his finger and rests it under my chin, "Like what?"

"We'll for starters." I look him up and down, "You look so good today. I mean you did yesterday too, but there's just something about how passionate you are about your music."

He leans in and kisses me again, "Can I show you how much I've missed you?" He kisses back my cheek and down my neck. I tilt my head and grip his bicep, "Mhm. Yes please."

"Your stop, Mr. Styles." The driver says. Harry pulls away, "Don't move." He gets out and walks up to the window, "Thank you."

He jogs around to my side and opens up my door. I get out and he takes my hand and we go straight up to his room.

He unlocks the door and pulls me in with him. He throws the key onto the table and cups my face with his hands, "I've thought about your beautiful face every. Single. Day. Since you left."

"I never stopped thinking about you, Harry. Not once." Our lips connect and it's heated and full of passion. He shrugs his coat off and I drop my bag, kicking my shoes off as we back up to the bed.

I lay down and Harry crawls on top of me, "I've thought about how we never really got to experience certain things."

He kisses down my neck and I gasp as his teeth sink into my delicate skin, "Like what?"

He drags a hand up my inner thigh, "Things like.." he brushes his nose against my cheek, "How you taste."

My breathe hitches in my throat, "Harry."

"How you'll feel against my body." He moves my shirt up and kisses my stomach. He looks up at me, "Do you want me to stop?"

I shake my head quickly, "No, no. Please no." I sit up and bring my sweater up over my head and toss it along side the bed, "Please, by all means keep going."

I lay back and lift my hips as he slides my down and off my legs. He slides his hands up my legs and grips my thighs, "If you want me to stop at any moment, let me know."

I nod and smile at him. He smirks and leans down, planting kisses up my thigh, alternating between each other. He gets closer to the center of my legs and I can feel his breathe.

"I've thought about having you under me. Moaning my name. He hooks his fingers into the band if my panties and starts to pull them down, "More times than I could count, y/n."

"I've wanted you. I've wanted you to have me. Take me. Use me in anyway you wanted." I bite my lip and spread my legs. His eyes flicker down, "Then that's just what I'll do."

He snakes his arms under my legs, my thighs resting against his shoulders.

I moan loudly as he licks between the folds of my pussy. I've craved the feeling of this.

"Fuck, y/n. You taste so fucking good." He pushes his face into me, his tongue going up and down and in and out. His nose rubbing against my clit, causing me to arch my back off the bed, "Harry.." I whimper, "That feels so-so good."

He moves up to suck me clit, his tongue lapping against it. I grab his hair and push his head closer to me.

I'm already ready to cum. I've wanted this for so long, so bad.

"F-fuck." I gasp and squeeze my thighs against his head. He still licks me up and down, eating me out like no tomorrow through my high.

He doesn't give up, he keeps going. And going. And going. Pushing me to the edge of another orgasm. My leg starts to shake as I pull him closer.

He leans his head up and looks up at me, "I can't wait to fuck you."

I let my leg fall off of his back and he crawls up, hovering over top of me. He leans down and kisses me. His tongue finding mine and he groans as I gently bite his lower lip.

He stands up and takes his shirt off, revealing his ever so perfect body that's full of tattoos. I bite my lip, admiring the way his muscles flex as he works on getting undressed.

He slips his boxers off and his hard cock instantly springs free. My eyes flicker down and a smirk grows on my lips.

"I wish we got to experience this before." He says crawling on the bed towards me. His body hovers over mine and I nod and brush hair from his forehead, "Me too."

He positions himself between my legs and rubs the tip of his cock against my pussy. I bite my lip and watch as he slides in.

My lips part and my eyes roll back. My fingers dig into his shoulder as I adjust to him.

"Worth the wait." Harry moans lowly. He tilts my head up and holds the back of my neck. He plants his lips on mine as he starts to slowly thrust.

His thrusts are slow and passionate, which feels even better because this feels so meaningful between us.

"Harry." I moan as I slide a hand up, tangling my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, "I love you."

He rests his forehead on mine, "I will always love you."  He rests his head on my shoulder as he kisses my neck. His moans fill my ears as he holds me close to him.

He flips us over and wraps his arms around me. We're in a sitting position now which brings us closer. I wrap my arms around his neck as I start bouncing on his cock.

Our lips move in sync, moaning into each others mouths.

"Im so close, Harry." I whimper. I tilt my head back and he kisses and nips at my neck, "Mm." He moans, "Me too."

I start clenching around him which earns more moans from him, "Fuck." He groans sliding his hands down my back. He grips my hips and moves them with me.

I let out a loud moan, pushing my chest into his and clinging to him as my body falls into orgasm.

"Fuck, baby." He grunts and lifts my hips up, I can feel his cum land on my thighs and I can't help but giggle.

"What's so funny?" He asks turning his head. I lift my head up, "We would have been so awkward at this when we were younger."

He laughs and rolls me over to lay me down, "Yeah, I feel that you're right." He goes and grabs a towel and comes back to wipe me off.

"Stay the night?" He asks with a smile. I nod, "Only if we can get dinner now." He nods, "Of course." He walks over and sits down beside me. I curl up next to him, my head resting on his chest and I can hear his heart beat.

"I've missed this. I've missed you." I say tracing circles into his side. He wraps his arm tighter around me, "I'm not going anywhere without you."

I smile and listen to him order room service. After a few moments of just laying with each other, he sighs, "So I have a confession to make." Harry says twirling my hair in his fingers.

"What would that be?" I ask looking up at him. He smiles slightly and sighs, "Okay. I wasn't just at the museum because I liked the art."

"Oh?" I question.

He nods, "I watched your Instagram. I seen you were coming here, to Berlin.. and.." he looks down and smiles at me, "I told you I'd find you."

——

You can find part two here

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated and don’t forget to hit follow! ♥

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[cherryblossomwriting]

Dream come true

Summary: “Harry finds Y/N reading smut about him on Tumblr”

W.C: 1751 (Ummm ... .I was gonna make this short but guess I got carried away, anyways enjoy!!)

Tags: Singer!Boyfriend!Harry x Shy!Girlfriend!Y/n 

Note: I don't know if this really classifies as somnophilia but I guess I'll mention it anyways. 

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“Hey babe, whatcha doing?” Harry asked as he entered our shared bedroom. “N-nothing” Y/n said as she quickly switched off her phone and threw it to the bed. “That was weird. Anyways, do you want to watch a movie? I know I've been busy with the album lately and figured I couldn’t spend a lot of time with you these past few weeks.” he asked sweetly. “Sure babe. What do you wanna watch?” I asked. “The notebook?” he asked. “We have already watched it like 50 times, baby. But sure!” 

Harry and Y/n were seated on the couch. Harry was watching the movie, while Y/n was distracted on her phone AGAIN. Harry’s eyes travelled towards Y/n, seeing the slight smirk on her face while she was doing something on her phone. Harry got suspicious. A thousand thoughts swirling in his head. “Is she cheating on me? Just because I have been busy these few weeks she decides to cheat on me? Am I not good enough for her? I love her with all my being, please I hope she isn't cheating on me.” He shook off all the negative thoughts and went back to watching the movie. After about half an hour, he hears soft snores besides him, seeing y/n already fast asleep. “God, she looks prettier than the angels in heaven,” he thought to himself. When he saw her phone on the side of her right hand, he just couldn't help himself but find out what has got her attention for so long now. Now don't get him wrong, he is not the kind of person to check his girlfriend's phone but he couldn't help himself. When he swiped up, her phone unlocked to the thing that has got her so distracted. He was not expecting what his eyes just witnessed. Harry heaved a sigh of relief when he realised it wasn't a guy that had got her so distracted but rather it was….. Tumblr. Harry always knew Y/n was a book person. So he didn't care to read the book she was reading. But before he could switch off the phone and kiss Y/n (because she wasn't cheating on him), something on her phone caught his attention. Which was…. His name in the book she was reading. He quickly figured out that it was in fact not a book that she was reading but it was smut that too written about him!  A smirk formed on his face. Fuck he has bever felt this horny and narcissistic in his life. Nothing gets him going as much as knowing that his girlfriend likes getting off his smut. All his life, Harry knows he has been smoking hot and he is also aware of how a lot of his fans and admirers write smut about him. Although he has not liked being sexualised so much all his life, knowing his not-so-innocent girlfriend likes to read about him has him on a chokehold right now. 

He decides to read the smut. “Harry ties you up to the bed with ropes, as his ring-clad fingers find their way to your delicate neck. He chokes you as his other hand, travels down to your soaked panties. He fingers you till you moan out with pleasure. He then fucks you hard and fast with his big, thick and girthy cock. He cums so much in your that your little pussy couldn't take it all. He quickly grabs a pussy plug and stuffs it in you to keep his creamy cum inside your pussy.” Harry’s eyes widen as he reads all of this. He is shocked at the fact that you like to read such stuff. You were always shy and coy in front of him. You and Harry have an amazing sex life but it is not very kinky. You were into a lot of kinks but were just too shy to bring it up to him. Although you knew he would never say no to you, you just didn't want to bombard him with a lot of things. So your next best solution was to read kinky smuts about him and get yourself off to them. Harry never thought of you as being a kinky girl. You were shy and loved reading books, so he assumed you were the kind of girl who liked when a man “makes love to you” rather than “fucking you.” 

Harry had a devilish idea. He decided to surprise you by recreating the exact scene written in the smut. So he decided to carefully carry your bridal style and take you to your shared bedroom. He gently places you on the bed and you stir onto your side, not caring too much because you were too sleepy. Harry didn't really have rope at home, but decided to get his ties and tie you up with it. He ties both your wrists to the bed with his black tie. He decides to wake you up by choking you. He starts off gentle just to make sure you are comfortable with it. His fingers reach upto your neck and his fingers press around the sides of your neck. Felling a bit of pressure on your neck, you open your eyes to see Harry with a devilish smirk on his face. “What are you doing baby?” you said with a small smile on your face. “Giving you exactly what you wished for, baby. Didn't know my love liked to be treated like a used, cheap whore. Open your mouth, NOW.” You were a bit confused as to what he was talking about but you didn't care at the moment. You were liking this dominant side of him. You quickly opened your mouth. Harry pulled down his brief to free his hard cock. The tip was red, hot and angry. It was leaking with his precum. “Already salivating like a ready slut. If I knew how kinky you were earlier I would have stuffed you with my cock harder.” 

He soon pushed his cock in your mouth, not giving you enough time to get used to it. He pulled out completely and then quickly pushed his entire cock back inside, causing you to gag around it. “You better not gag bitch, you asked for this. You like taking big cocks in your slutty, little mouth, don't ya?” he said. 

After fucking his cock in your mouth for a while, he decides to finger you like it was mentioned in the smut. He pulls his cock out from your mouth and you groan at the loss of contact. “I don't want to come in your mouth, I will fill that tight, little pussy of yours, but before that I have to get you all wet and ready for me.” He spreads your legs open and groans as he sees a dark patch in the crotch area of your light pink colour panties. “Didn't know sucking my cock gets you so wet, baby” He licks the wet spot on the panties, moaning at the taste of you. He hooks his fingers in your panties and tears them open. You have never seen this wild side of him so you weren't used to it but you definitely weren't complaining. He starts licking you while he enters one of his fingers in your pussy. He slowly starts fucking it in and out of you. He soon adds one more and then one more and then one more till he has four of his fingers in you. “You are taking my fingers like a champ, baby. Don't even need lube for it," he compliments you. He is plunging his fingers in your at you speed that didn't even seem humanly possible. You come so hard you swear you saw the stars. It was almost like you had blacked out with pleasure. When you opened your eyes, you saw Harry covered in your juices. Did you just squirt? None of your ex-boyfriends were able to make you come let alone squirt. Harry seemed so proud of you and himself. “Didn't know she was a squirter too,” Harry comments.  

He couldn't handle the heat, so he stuffed his cock in one quick motion inside you. Both of you were on cloud 9. You never realised how sexy his moans sounded. So manly yet soft. He looks at the place where his cock and your pussy were connected. His eyes roll to the back of his head, when he sees a mixture of your cum and his pre-cum forming a white, creamy ring at the base of his cock. You come for the second time that night. Snapping his hips in you, he soon cums hard. All his stress and tension for the past few weeks left his body as he fills you up. He slowly pulls out as he watches his cum drip out of your sensitive hole. He quickly grabs the pussy plug (like mentioned in the smut) and inserts it in your pussy to keep his cum in there for the night. “Want to keep my cum in you for the night. So when you wake up and are not able to walk you will be reminded of who fucked you so hard last night. You soon realised that he had recreated the scene from the smut you were reading earlier. Your eyes widened as you realised. “Did you read the sm-” before you could complete the sentence, he answers with a quick yes. “Are you mad?” you asked him kind of terrified. “Why would I be made, baby? It kind of turned me on to be honest. Also, it did lead to the best sex I have ever had.” he casually answers as he takes your head and rests it on his chest. “Yeah, I never knew I could squirt honestly,” you said shyly. “Well, what can I say, they don't write smut about me just like that. I am quite talented and gifted in bed.” he said boasting about himself. “That is true, H.” you said. “How about we start recreating some of your other favourite smuts too?” he asked with mischief in his voice. “Really, I feel like I'm dreaming right now. I would love that.” you said as you kissed his soft lips. You soon fell asleep to the sound of his heart beat. He kisses the top of your head with a bright smile on his face knowing he had found his perfect woman for life.         

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

(Note: I am accepting new requests and prompts, so please do send them to me if you want me to write about it. Also let me know what you think in the comments)

Lots of love 

xoxo

#harry styles #smut #writing #female reader #reading #dom!harry styles #shy!reader #bf!harrystyles #gf!reader #sub!reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles fandom #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #imagine #masterlist

[cinemastyles-blog]

Come On, You Got It.

Summary: an anon request on Wattpad - "Personal trainer Harry???"

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, unprotected sex, oral (both), finishing in readers mouth, fingering, squirting, hair pulling, choking, filth

BOXER HARRY

"Come on, love. Give me a few more then we can take a break." Harry says as he leans around the punching bag, "You got it. Just a few more, please."

You sigh and drops your glove covered hands to your sides, "I'm tired, Harry."

He chuckles at your whining and shakes his head, "Fine. Go get some water."

You smirk as you undo the Velcro with your teeth and it makes Harry's eyebrow twitch. He runs his hand over his face as he walks over to grab his white boxing gloves off of the bench.

You walk over, sitting down as you grab your water bottle. Your eyes stay on him as he moves over to in front of you, "Can you wrap my hands?"

You know damn well Harry can wrap his own hands, but you don't argue. You grab the wrap from his grasp and move his hand to how you want it.

You've been training with Harry for months now, and you kinda of have a thing for him, so you know exactly how he likes it done.

"You're a fast learner." He jokes as his eyes follow your hands. You glance up at him and his eyes meet yours, "Only been doing this for how long."

He smirks as he brings his wrapped hand up, inspecting it, "Damn near perfect."

You scoff, "That is perfect."

"I know." Harry hands you his gloves to help him get them on, "I just like getting you riled up." He winks and you can feel your face get warmer, "Shut up."

"Make me."

Your head snaps upward and you sigh, "I could kick your ass any day." You squeeze your water bottle, squirting water in your mouth.

He watches as water dribbles down your chin and he quickly wipes it away with his thumb, "I'd like to see you try."

——

"Come on, y/n." Harry walks around the bag, admiring your punches, "You got it. Jab cross, jab cross cross." He nods in approval and grabs the bag, holding it still.

You step back, wiping sweat from your forehead onto your arm, "How was that?" He leans out around and smirks, "Good, that was good. But.."

You tilt your head as you take your gloves off, "What?"

He steps out from behind the bag and crosses his arms, "Still don't think you can beat me."

You raise your eyebrows, "Mm. I see."

"What?" He laughs as you walk to grab your water, "Come on. Loser buys dinner."

You turn to look at him before putting your gloves back on, "You are so on, Styles."

He grabs his gloves, putting them back and walking over to the mat, "C'mon." You smirk as you walk over, standing infront of him, "Ready to lose?"

He tilts his head and shrugs, "I should be asking you that."

You both get ready, moving around in a circle as you wait for your moment to strike. You used the combos that you learned today and end up popping him right in the nose.

By total accident.

"Oh my god.. are you okay?" You rest your glove over your lips as you step towards a doubled over Harry, "Hey I'm so- whoa!" You let out a slight scream as Harry flips you, pinning you to the ground.

His body is slightly pressing against yours and you look at him from over your shoulder, "Hey now."

He rolls you over onto your back and pins your arms down by your biceps, "Hey now." He says in a mocking tone which makes you laugh.

His eyes move over your face as he licks his lips and smiles, "So whats for dinner?"

"A knuckle sandwich if you don't let me up." You fight back a smirk but fail as he helps you stand up. You take your gloves off and unwrap your hands as you think, "Whatever you want is fine with me."

He nods, "I'll think about that while I shower."

You bite your lip and nod as you bend down to grab your bag, "Alright." You look at him with a smile before you disappear into the locker room to shower.

The whole time, the thought of you and Harry being the only ones in the gym settles into your mind.

You push them away but each time they come back, they're stronger and dirtier than the last.

You walk out, drying your hair off with a towel.

"About time." Harry says with an over exaggerated groan, "I'm starving out here." You laugh, "Sorry. I wanted to make sure I didn't stink like sweat."

He laughs, "Girls and their long ass showers."

"Hey. Can't hate it if you haven't tried it."

"What? A shower with you?" He raises his eyebrows and it causes you to stumble over your words, "Wh- no i di- not what I meant, Harry."

"Again. I just like to get you going." He chuckles and throws his bag over his shoulder, "I just have to stop over here at my office quick, so just give me a sec."

I nod and follow him over, watching as he sits down at his desk. His fingers tap the top as he tries to remember why he went in there.

"What are you looking for?" You ask as you lean against the door frame. He blows out air and leans back in his chair, "Come here."

Your heart starts beating fast as you step in and walk over to him, "What's up?"

He bites his lips and looks up at you, "So.." he laughs slightly and shakes his head, "Nothing, we can, uh. We can just go get dinner."

He stands up and you put your hand on his chest, "No. Finish what you were going to say."

He looks down at your hand planted flat on his chest and back up to you, "I want you."

His words make you freeze for a moment, but only because you were sure if he'd ever go for you, he is your trainer and all.

"Really?" You bite your lip and slowly slide your hand down his chest, slipping your fingers into the band of his shorts, "Because I want you, too."

In a quick motion, he spins you and sets you on his desk, "Glad we feel the same." He pulls your shorts and panties to the side, slowly slipping two fingers into you as he watches your face scrunch up with pleasure.

He slides his other hand up and grabs the back of your neck, "You're so fucking hot." He crashes his lips onto yours, swallowing your moans as he thrusts his fingers in and out quickly.

"Fuck, fuck. Yes yes yes." You whine out as you push your chest forward.

"Fuckin' hell. Thats it, baby." Harry groans as he watches the liquid drip from his hand and off your body onto the floor, "Never had anyone do that before."

He looks at you with a proud expression, "That was fucking perfect." His lips find their way to yours but he quickly kisses down your next and drops to his knees with a grunt, "need to see if you taste as sweet as you look."

He hooks his arms under your thighs, holding your shorts and panties to the side as he just goes for it. You throw your head back, moaning as you rest your hand on the back of his head, "Fuck, Harry."

He hums as he works his tongue in and out of your pussy, causing you to gasp and move your hips forward, "Shit, h-Harry."

Your legs lock over his shoulders and he has a tight grasp on your thighs keeping them spread as he devours you.

"I'm gonna cum.." you announce in a breathless whisper, "Shi-" you let out a loud moan, knocking stuff over as you grasp the edge of the desk.

Harry continues to eat you out through the high of your orgasm, causing your legs to shake and jolt with each time his nose bumps your clit.

He leans back, looking up at you as he continues to grip your thighs, "You taste heavenly, baby."

He moves one leg off your shoulder, kissing up to your knee as he sets it down and he gives your other leg the same treatment before standing up.

He slips his shirt off, now, you've seen Harry shirtless multiple times, but it never fails to take your breath away.

You lick your lips, still panting from the tap orgasms back to back, "You are so fucking hot."

He smirks as he pushes his sweats down, "Yeah?"

You nod and reach out for him to come closer. He smiles and moves in, resting his thumb and pointer on your chin, "Pretty sexy yourself, love."

You slip your fingers into the band of his boxers as he kisses you. You slowly pull them down and wrap your hand around his cock, pumping slowly as you make out.

"Gonna get it wet for me?" He asks smirking against your lips. You smirk back and nod, "Of course."

He steps back, helping you down off the desk before he  rests against the desk. You kiss down his chest, over his torso, and down the one v-line until your chin rests on his cock.

You plant little kisses from the base of his cock to the tip and wrap your lips around. Harry is in awe watching you so what you're doing, he doesn't say another word.

He just moans, slightly loud as you start bobbing your head in a steady rhythm. His hand rests gently on the back of your head, but pushes every so often to tell you he wants you to take him all in.

You take a deep breath through your nose and relax as much as you can before sinking your head all the way down on him.

"F-fuck, thats.." he groans and tilts his head back, "That's it."

You pull off, a string of saliva connecting you to his cock from your bottom lip. He looks down, bringing his hand around to swipe it away, "Up."

You move to your feet and he pulls you into him, kissing you roughly as he spins you around, planting you on the edge of his desk, "Thought about this the moment I seen you throwing those punches."

You smile and bring one foot up to rest on the desk, "Mm." He pushes your shorts and panties to the side and nods, "You're a fucking natural out there."

His compliment makes you blush slightly but that's quickly forget as he slips the head of his cock past your folds and into you. You gasp, digging your nails into his shoulder, "Harry."

He licks his lips before parting them, watching as his cock disappears inside of you fully. Your eyes roll shut and you moan out at him stretching you, "So big."

He smirks and grabs a handful of your hair, "You like that, huh?"

You try to nod, but the grip Harry has makes you unable to, "So fucking much."

He pulls his cock out slowly before thrusting back in, quickly building up to a harsh, but very pleasurable speed.

"Fuck." Harry groans and grips your throat with his other hand and pushes his cock fully into you, "You're going to make me cum."

That comment makes you feel incredible.

He shakes his head, smiling as he leans down to kiss you. His hand that's holding your hair, moves to hook under your thigh, bringing it up to his bicep.

He starts thrusting again, squeezing your throat slowly as he watches your face, "Does that feel good?" He rests his forehead against your temple and you whimper out a quiet, "Mhm."

"Where do you want me to cum?" He leans back, letting go of your neck, "I'm close." His thrusts slow down a little and you lay a hand on his arm that's holding your leg, "Mouth."

He moans as he pictures you on your knees, cum on your tongue and he pulls out, "Fuck, okay. Okay."

You move down to the floor, resting on your calves as you stick your tongue out, waiting for him. He jerks his cock a few times, moaning out as he watches it pool onto your tongue, sliding back towards your throat.

"Such a pretty girl." He breathes out and taps his cock on your lips as you close them to swallow. He stares down at you, smirking as you stick your tongue back out to show him that it's gone.

"Dirty girl, too." He smirks and rubs your cheek with his thumb, "Come on. I'll buy dinner tonight." He winks and helps you stand up.

He pulls you in by your waist and kisses you. You smile and laugh slightly against his lips, "Before we do that, I need to change."

"Oh yeah?" He chuckle, "Why's that?"

You roll your eyes and push his shoulder gently, "You know exactly why, Mr. Styles." You walk over and grab your bag, shuffling through to grab a new pair of panties and shorts, "Could have just taken them off."

He shrugs, "I'll take them off next time."

——

Thank you for the request and thank you for being so patient. Hope you liked it!

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[sushistyless]

mist.

Rain can be a hassle to Harry especially because he’s always late. But when dark and stormy nights lead to finding someone a bit special, he has to admit, he’s forever grateful for the dark clouds.

(writer harry, fluffy & rainy stuff, 6k+)

my masterlist.

————

Harry always had a bit of a problem with being on time.

Usually, it was his day dreaming tendencies that conveniently forced the clock to tick out of his head, drowning the noise of the outside world and opting for the vivid, lively & observant fashion he lived with in books. The entirety of each minute spent in those worlds, being in some way or another -- a moment he would dream about later.

Most of his life was filled within his own thoughts & feelings, a curiosity stemming in the depths of his mind. And ever since he could remember, he'd been this way.

Much of his teenage life and childhood was spent in the city, the daily ways of hustle bustle following each moment. He loved staying there and is grateful for the opportunities he got — don't get him wrong! — but... he craved to have a life where things weren't as overwhelming. He wouldn't say he's shy, but he liked being in his own company, an affinity to observe the intricacies of the world and the different realms of literature rather than soaking up the role of the main character on centre stage.

He always preferred the quiet, and leaned towards the introverted, solitary life. And his job as a writer suited him pretty well, he'd say. Working from home, he didn't really have any events he could formally be late to, which is why it wasn't the biggest concern to him. With a ton of pent up creativity, he found writing (and painting too, sometimes) to be a wonderful medium for him to pour out all that jazz.

His first 'inspiration' for a lifestyle that 'called out' to him was when he was quite young. He remembers his mum taking him to a small village near the hills, and how his seven year old self was utterly enthralled by the beauty and charm of the place.

"Mum! Look!" he had said, scampering around in the fields while running behind a yellow butterfly, committing each curve of its wings to his memory, with pure ecstasy fluttering through the soreness of his cheeks as a result of a smile grown so wide. His mum was amused to see the joy that radiated off him– an amount she'd never seen before.

Later that night, after he'd finally (and very reluctantly) agreed to leave the fields, she'd tucked him into bed, warmth coursing through his veins under the cuddly comforter. She whispered, telling him to never lose that spark in him. He merely responded in a soft, dreamy tone, giving her a lazy smile when met with a kiss on his forehead, "I-it's just, everything's so pretty here! Don't y'think? Jus' wanna stay here forever.''

"Yes, Harry," she laughed, in awe of her son with a gleaming sparkle in his eyes, "And maybe one day you can live some place like this, alright? But for now, sleep, sweetheart."

And he had eagerly nodded his head.

Now, it was only fitting that Harry had bought a cottage in the countryside near the foothills of a little town a few miles away from the city. And suffice to say, he lived a happy life, with inspiration seeping into each flower that grew out in the garden in front of his little cottage, blooming with vibrantly coloured flowers, and in the sunset that came each evening. Dusk, in-fact, was the most pretty sight he'd seen in his entire life he thinks. No complaints, he said when having literal cumulus clouds floating around with rays of sunshine peeking through them, almost making the scene seem scrapped right out of a renaissance painting — the only lost elements being the angels hiding behind them (and, yes, he had actually painted that too).

Love also manifested from his creative side often resulting in tons of hand drawn pictures of different varieties of butterflies and plants pinned to the walls inside his home.

Harry's life was his muse, so each time he sat to write, the words just spilled right out his heart onto the parchment, staining it in perfect handwriting.

(—Or, in a less 'aesthetic' way, mostly his hands typing away rather fast on the keys of his laptop, periodically pushing his glasses from sliding down his nose, but hey, same effect!—.)

He eventually did start writing books and many collections of poetry, so he did struggle with deadlines from time to time, but it wasn't that bad. It wasn't very bad because it didn't require his presence, he thinks, but it still required some time management. And he promises he's getting better at it.

But... we can still say that Harry had a bit of a problem with being on time.

He'd been standing in a little library located farther down the trail from his house (he still grins like an idiot at the thought of having his very own house), that stood on a street lined with shops and cafés. The scent of old books swilled in the air, vintage posters and dark rows of shelves matching the aesthetic of wooden floors and rustic trinkets hung up on the dusky-coloured walls. His fingers picked at the edges of the pages of the book, his third time reading magic through the eyes of The Little Prince.

He'd gotten only a little bit lost in it, his ring clad hand absently lifting the cup of matcha he had previously ordered on-the-go, bringing it to his lips and titling it forward, only to taste just a single drop of flavoured residue and realise that it was empty from the periodic sips he had taken with each flick and turn of a page.

Oh, he thought to himself and frowned. He hadn't realised that he finished it that fast. With a finger wedged between the closed book so as to not lose the page and cup squashed in the same arm, he fiddled to reach out to the vintage field bag slinging over his shoulder.

Finally, through the dishevelled strands of hair obstructing his vision, he managed to open the bag and get a hold of his phone from inside it. Switching it on, he pondered. It couldn't have been that long. Alas, when the screen lit up showing highlighted numbers of 7:28 pm, well, he was shocked (and glad there wasn't any matcha in his mouth, for he would have most definitely spit it out).

And, it hit him that he was late.

It wasn't much of a surprise that he would overstay past his intended time here in the library. But today was an important day.

He had ordered a record player a few months back and he was fluttering on the inside with a little spark. He'd counted down the days until it would arrive, smiling wide as he crossed down each day approaching it, and promised himself early this morning that he'd come and read only for a little bit, then easily go home before 7 pm so he would be there when the precious package was delivered.

Music was a big part of his life, of course. It helped him write, helped him imagine. Helped to dream a little more. And maybe he could even go as far as to say it was like fuel to him. The idea of his suited songs played on the vinyl was enough to excite him.

With widened eyes, he quickly shoved the phone back in, then flustered, taking steps towards the door. He was excited– sure, but he couldn't help and felt a little more doubtful and wary of the delicate player being properly delivered than gently held in his safe arms. It was expensive to say the least (top of the line and yada yada) and although it wasn't his yet, he already deemed it to be his precious possession.

On a normal day, warm, slanted rays of the sun would reflect on his face through the glass windows as he stepped from behind the cover of the thick shelves– but today was gloomy. A thick, dark blanket of clouds was spread across the sky, leaving no place for sunlight to pass through.

With having completed the satisfaction of saying a goodbye! to the store owner — Miss Akane, a kind and eccentric old woman who Harry had gotten quite close to after tasting a lot of her homemade sweets — he strode towards the door, skillfully pushing it open against the windy, mildly chilly air.

And that was when Harry realised that he really needed to hurry.

It was true when he thought today was going to be a rainy day. It'd be only a matter of a few seconds before the scent of wet mud would linger in the air. He walked quickly on the trail towards the mountain side, relaying one last glance to the line of shops. Harry usually caught sight of a few people walking down the street but it seems as though everyone knows that the weather is going to be stormy. He'd grown accustomed to the view by now, having moved to the countryside just a few years prior.

The fitted burgundy coloured chequered pants covering his legs, flared and shifted tightly against his calves, while his torso carried a very lovely sage-green vest, all bundled along with his bookbag tucked underneath his overcoat, effectively shielding him and his possessions from the heavy breeze and potential rain.

As he saw the soil being gradually dotted with raindrops and the plants around him weighing down with the trickling water, he knew it was even more important to reach home fast.

——-

Harry's footsteps become more sunken, the trail having become mucky and threateningly prone to little puddles as he nears his cottage. The rain races with increased velocity, the sound of it hitting the ground and rumbles of thunder providing a soundtrack to the activities and errands of his current life.

Harry reaches close to home, and he had initially thought he would rush in and worry himself, examining the much awaited wet box, because the past few deliveries he had got weren't very considerately delivered. He thought it would be sitting out, left in the harsh rain.

But really, he's confused.

He brings up his hand, the tip of his finger swiping out a drop of rain that clung to his eyelash, already squinted eyes straining even more as if to make sure what he saw through the rain was reality.

Instead of seeing a drenched parcel, he finds someone sitting on his partially covered porch, her hazy gaze fixed on the entwined hands in her lap. The light, pastel amethyst coloured shirt she's wearing grows the slightest bit transparent — not entirely soaking through, but sleeves wet enough to loosely cling onto her body — the expanse covering her torso accentuating her collarbone region. Her hair sticks to the side of her forehead, cheekbones glistening under the influence of the rain. Eyelashes frame her profile from the view he's provided with, cheeks seeming hollow like she bites down on them. A coat is draped over some large box on the right, evidently wanting to keep whatever it was dry.

She certainly doesn't seem like a delivery person, the lack of a uniform making it clear that a courier was not what she was, only adding to Harry's confusion.

Hm?

The little shade up front does little to barricade the rain as it slants towards her, the entire scene looking like her mere presence was magnetic to the forces of nature.

The ideas of why she was here and what his reply would be start noting through his head like pieces of paper being crumpled with each possibility that came up, clearly hesitant in the conversation that he already started in his head. Licking his lips, he readies himself to speak. What should he say?— the lack of socialising with new people peeking through the flurry of jumbled words projecting in his mind.

He gulps, moving closer until he's at a good distance from her, pace slowing down distinctively as his heels dig into the soft ground below. Finally, he musters up the courage to speak, inhaling and exhaling before flicking off a chocolate coloured curl that weighed onto his face, curtaining his vision. "H-hi."

The girl's figure immediately perks up, a sharp intake of breath drawn past her lips, clearly taken by surprise as her face snaps up to him. Her irises have a wild essence in them, widening as they meet his own & flickering around, taking in his features before spewing words of her own, "Oh! Hi."

She clears her throat, posture now becoming straighter, her right hand comes up to toy with a crystal pendant adorning her neck. "Uh," she flustered innocently, confused while forming her question, "Do you live here?" Her body turns completely towards her right, eyes effectively focused on the door of the cottage, giving Harry an obvious reference. Her voice is low & fragile, with woven delicacy as if she's afraid that if she gets louder, it might break glass. Harry's sure that if it was any softer, it would've been completely muted out by the echoing roars of the colliding clouds.

Harry's eyes follow her line of sight, nodding his head at her questioning, "I... I do, yes. Can I help y'with something?" He adds on in the end with sincerity & curiosity edging his tone, still comprehending her sweet voice and sudden presence. He hardly got guests, and if he did, they were mostly his family flying out on occasions to see him. But they too dropped in once in a blue moon. He was, let's just say, deep within an area of solitude. So he was more than shocked when he found someone he'd never known quite literally sitting at his doorstep.

There's a moment of silence in their conversation, giving Harry's gaze enough time to wander off & examine the object placed beside her. The jacket had ridden up at the side, a tiny sliver of the picture plastered over the box making his eyebrows knit the slightest bit.

The girl, whose eyes are mostly just fixated on Harry, immediately notices and clicks out of the dazed dream as she fumbles through the blurry rain, "Oh, right!"

Harry observes as she peeps out, standing to her height, hands already beginning to unveil the surprise under the full of her jacket, which's outer surface is glistening with the water, while the inner remains dry.

"I think... this is yours?" Her voice tilts in pitch nearing the end of her sentence, questioning him with unknown facts once Harry's eyes land on a package with a familiar picture stamped on.

He remembers the same photograph that was displayed on the online site he ordered his turntable from, a light beige colour coating the artistic marvel. With the stickered details of his address pinned up top, the edges of the box had become a little moist and worn out, but overall in good condition.

His features contort to realisation, "Oh— oh, yeah! Thank you s'much." He says with a heart full of gratitude & sudden confusion, stepping closer to finally land on the wooden shaft of the porch and scurry beside her.

She sheepishly nods at the acknowledgement, busying herself to pick it up, the box seeming entirely too large for her arms to hold. Harry quickly swoops in while giving her a soft, grateful look, enough to not evade her personal bubble, but assist her as he quickly supports it from the other side. Her lips tug slightly at the edges, the moment giving her time to take in the ringlets of hair that stick to his forehead and making her smile subconsciously grow the tiniest bit wider as he retrieves it completely.

"I was actually just passing by here when the delivery guy happened to catch me, and assumed that I lived here. I tried to tell him— really — but he was in a rush and he... just kept it and left," she rambles, managing to sneak a quiet smile in there, the cold shaft of wind making her shudder for a moment.

There's a moment of hesitancy, the slightest second of silence wallowing in the air as she collects her words and gathers to deliver him information that might ease his apparent confusion.

"I didn't want to leave it like that 'cause it seemed pretty important. I knocked again but nobody answered, so I only stayed to make sure it was alright until someone came by." Her voice decreases in amplitude as her sentence progresses, speaking shyly as her irises stutter on Harry's frame for a second too long. Explaining the entire situation to the best of her abilities while still tripping over her sentences, Harry offers no response because, well...

What the fuck?

Harry is... at a loss for words, to put it simply.

She did all that? For a simple parcel? For him?

Initially, he'd thought she was waiting there for some help she might need. Then again, everything that had happened was all a jumbled mess in his head — the thoughts in his mind unclear to himself. He didn't know what he was expecting when he arrived and saw her in the first place.

But, she was just so sweet. The entire thought was so incredibly kind, and— it just swelled his heart with so much joy and gratitude. A lot of people have helped him throughout his life, but nobody has ever been this sweet or innocently considerate. He's just on cloud nine with the idea of being worthy of all that, with no part of his brain telling him how to react.

He thinks that among the pouring rain and rumbling chaos, he had the honour of encountering a literal angel.

When he doesn't respond immediately, worry quickly fills her eyes, "I-I'm sorry if it's not what I should've done, I just thought..."

"No, no! Not at all! I jus—" He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, dissipating her worries as she visibly releases a breath. Adoration swimming through his irises, a butterfly induced feeling fills his tummy when he catches her wistful gaze drifting into the window of his soul.

The rain danced like spray, buzzing off the wooden roof & echoing through his ears, the sound of some drops sharper than the other- growing clearer and heavier by the second like the rhythm of his heart. The wind murmured to the trees, a whirring accompanying the puddles that began to plink with the hammering intensity of the rain, almost pleading him to say something— anything.

"That's just s'sweet of you. Thank you so much. You didn't have to do that, but y'did. And 'm so, so sorry I made y'wait out here..."

He is filled with gratitude but he also feels terribly guilty. It was because of him that she had to wait out for so long. It was chilly out and to be sitting out for that long under the icy weather, a sniffle would surely rift into a full blown cold. It's now that he notices the goosebumps trailed along her skin as she crosses both her arms in front of her chest in an effort to keep warm.

"No, don't worry! It's– it's okay. Really." She spares maybe a second of full eye contact with him, giving him a soft smile on catching the praises before casting off her gaze, focusing on the mucky shoes covering her feet as the droplets trickling off it caught the light. "The rain's quite pretty anyway."

Harry offers her an easy (but still regretful) smile at that. It was nice of her to try and console him even through small sentences.

"And... you like vinyls?" she converses curiously once her hands are free again, standing still with her fingers intertwined in her front once again. Harry can't help but wonder if it's a nervous tick she has, and he also can't help but smile a little at the thought, cherishing how he does the same sometimes.

"Yeah, jus' have some kind of charm, y'know?" The words just slip through his mouth like he's talking to himself, stifling his beam as his face drops to face the ground for a second, the faintest dimples indenting the apple of his cheeks and a simmer of warmth reaching them as he gives it his best to not crack into a fit of smiles. "Do y'like 'em?" He looks back at her.

The attempt at making his excitement subdued instils a kind of joy across her face, a honey swept tone coating her words as she replies, "Oh, yeah! Been wanting to get one for myself actually, but they're pretty expensive. Promise I wasn't stealing yours though." She chuckles a little easier now, knuckling at her eyes as a drop of water seems to latch onto her eyelid.

"I believe you. And trus' me, I've been saving up for it for months now, so y'not alone." He reciprocates her laugh, keeping it casual, but his mind internally goes through a shot of excitement.

"It's no–" she starts, a loud streak of thunder rumbling much too loud, cutting off the conversation as her widened eyes flit off to wander in the distance. Harry mimics her actions, the noise enough to demand anyone's attention. Her lips part at the loud sound, teeth digging into the plushy lower one, while the thinnest crease of worry lines her forehead. "But, um, I think I should probably head back now. The rain is only getting worse..."

It's now Harry's turn to worry, concerned because the last thing he could ever want for anyone is to walk back during a growling, full-blown thunderstorm. "Are y'sure? You're most welcome to come in..." he trails off, feet trudging against the cold floorboard as he shuffles towards the door, "It looks pretty bad out there. Y'can wait here until it calms down— only if you're comfortable, of course." He adds the last part quickly, speaks with sincerity- a genuine request on his part. And honestly, it's the least he can do. He knows that it was after all, her choice to wait here, but he still feels shitty knowing that he could have reached earlier and avoided her from all this trouble.

Her gaze is still downcast, an expression emulating the ghost of a smile, seeming like she's mulling over the options in her head, while her hands work to wriggle the coat back on her shoulders. "Oh no, it's fine! I love looking at the interior of houses —" she looks back at him with a breathy smile and a bit of hope arises in Harry, wishing she'd say yes so he would have some company- even if it was only for some time. She continues, "— But I really don't mean to intrude. Thank you though," she continues with a soft gaze, an apologetic undertone lacing her words.

His heart deflates when she declines his offer, the slight tug of his lips dulling only the slightest bit, yet understanding that it was her choice based on what she felt would be safe for her, but he hates to think that she'd feel like a burden if she were to stay.

"Please, you won't be intruding in the slightest. Honestly, s'the least I can do. Please feel free to come in, it's no trouble at all. Again, I'm so, so sorry." All he really hoped was that he could spend even a little time with her because he knew there was a possibility that he would likely never meet her again. But, if she felt it was safer to go her own way, he would respect that, of course, and just continue to think back to the small conversation they once had.

She laughs a little louder now, surprisingly to Harry as if enthralled by the amount of gratefulness and (un)necessary apologies he smothers her with, "Hey," she whispers, "I waited here voluntarily, so you really don't need to apologise."

His internal sorrow evades a bit when she makes an effort to lighten his mood, the tiniest blush threatening to creep up his cheeks.

"I know, 'm sorry—"

"Oops, there you go again."

"—Shit. I promise, I didn't mean to. I'm so so—"

"Sorry?" She completes for him, grinning like Harry's done the cutest thing and in fact– giggles. Proper giggles.

Can you believe that?

And if Harry couldn't take his mind off her presence, he surely can't now, wondering what he's done to have the honour of hearing the sound bless his ears. It's pouring, raining like cats and dogs, but this conversation takes him to a place of happiness where he imagines the sun would shine with the warmest, most yellow & buttery orange tinged glow. He just met her for stars' sake— he doesn't even know her name! But... he knows that he likes being the reason she laughs. He likes making people laugh in general, some kind of satisfaction hiding deep in his own smile when they break into laughter, but he reckons she was just much sweeter to witness.

Agh. He's such a sap, he knows... but he still means every word. Besides, it's in the safety of his mind, it's okay.

"Yeah... that." He bites his lip, hoping she wouldn't catch him avoiding her gaze. "Y'sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be okay," she hums low, words drowning in the sound of the thunder as it penetrates through the grey clouds once again. Buttoning up the most part of her coat and descending down the porch, she shoots him a smile, a small 'bye!' accompanying her actions of waving at him.

"Bye! Please be careful!" he adds on. It felt strange. He didn't want to say goodbye. The conversation hadn't for a minute felt forced and it's... something he hasn't experienced in a long time. He wished it would last longer.

"I will, thank you! It was really nice meeting you!" He watches as her figure teeters down the clearing that led to his house, looking back at him from over her shoulders.

"You too," Harry mutters, a smile taunting his lips at the sight of her doing the same all while prancing about in the rain. But as she leaves his line of sight, he wonders. Would they ever even meet again? A sigh escapes through his mouth, the slopes of his shoulders softening with a pout that stretches across his face. And oh, he even forgot to ask her her name. It was too late to do that now. It'd just be plain weird if he ran out in the rain and startled her for a silly question.

So he's a bit bummed. Still, he's glad that he even had the chance to encounter her.

Turning around with bitten lips after successfully manoeuvring the package so he could hold it comfortably in one arm, he shuffled to reach for his key, pulling it out and swiftly unlocking the door. As soon as he steps in, his senses are waded through by the pillowy warmth of his house, lofting with the homely smell of cinnamon and vanilla. It's nice to be able to come to such a lovely home everyday, and he's so grateful for that. Water drops drip down his clothes, pit-pattering against the wooden floors. A thud noise resonates through the room as he shuts the door, the cold ruffles of wind effectively shut out while keeping the toasty atmosphere inside undisturbed. A little fireplace decorates the corner of the generously sized living room, green plants sitting across the window panes that are curated with occasional flowers here and there. The sheer curtains don't do much to cover the view of the rustic French windows, earthly tears trickling down the glass as he gazes through the fluid stillness upon the field outside– the one that's usually bright and green but now runs dark & deep with water, the attire of raindrops looking like serrations of lines cutting through the wind.

He's quick to discard his drenched coat, opting to hang it on the hook beside the dark ocher coloured console that stands in the foyer-like entryway, carefully placing the box on the cabinet. Littered throughout the pastel coloured walls were various delicately framed paintings– most of which he had made, and some being his versions of the works of Van Gogh (big fan he was)-- all very special, having given him some kind of inspiration to write in the past.

Running a heavy hand through his hair, he shook his head, the rebellious drops of water splattering into the air. Stumbling to the middle of the room, he all but threw himself on the feathery hold of his couch. Melting into the softness instantly, his posture relaxes, as the brown of his bag- a stark contrast to the beige of the couch lands with a splat beside him. Eyes closing ceremoniously once his head rests on the top of the couch, the pad of his fingers rub the inner corners of his eyelids. Realising he has contacts on, he frowns and stops, also thanking his past self for wearing contacts– the rain would've just fogged up his glasses and he preferred to know where he was walking. Plus, he would've not seen her very properly and that indeed would've been a pity.

Deciding that the itchiness was probably a sign for him to remove his contacts, he lifts himself off the couch and makes his way towards the bathroom.

It's just as Harry's removed his first lens that he jolts at the sound of the doorbell. With half blurry vision, all the more confusion sparkling through his veins and messier-than-ever-hair, his lips part. A second later he scurries to the front door. Opening it up the slightest, he swears his heart drops to his stomach. He can't see all that well but when the familiar voice calls out to him again, he can't help but smile at the knowledge of who it is.

"Is that offer of yours still up?"

Harry's never been happier for having a problem with time, and greeting a kind girl at his front door through blurry vision and unruly hair.

————

"Have you really made all of these paintings? They're... beautiful." It makes Harry's heart hurt at the enthusiasm Y/N shows for something he does. That's another he's learned, the sweet girl's name is Y/N. It suits her really well, he realises.

"Yeah, s'all me," he shyly smiles, setting the mug of chamomile tea down on the centre table in front of her. She's sat on his couch, a blanket wrapped around her form to keep extra toasty although she'd declined the offer in favour of the room already being warm enough. But Harry had insisted and pulled out his favourite, fluffiest blanket.

"More than beautiful actually, they're just— you're really talented." She gushes, shifting her gaze from the acrylic pieces hung on the wall to the tea now placed in front of her, accompanied with a soft whisper of an oh, thank you.

"'M glad you think so." His stifled smile stretches wider on his cheeks, little indents beginning to form a dip in them, "I think, art is just so fun to do. Being able to express yourself in paintings, music, film, and of course, writing. Words are so incredible." His voice considerably lowers as he progresses, realising how he's started to rant a bit.

"Oh," Y/N gazed at him fondly, amusement tinting her eyes, "So, I've somehow managed to stumble in the home of a young, mysterious artist - in the middle of the fields - while there's a beautiful storm raging outside, then?"

"You make me sound way cooler than I am," he  laughs silently, fiddling with his rings, "that is a cute idea for a novel though."

"It is cool. Maybe I'll become a writer one day just to write about this."

"I'll join you. Co-writers we'll be," he gleamed at her, the hidden knowledge that he could very well begin plotting a novel at this very moment shucked to the back of his head.

"That would be perfect."

—————

The storm brewed the entire night but eased off by early morning, the night spent with soft words exchanged, and conversations that flowed like the streams of rivers outside. Harry swears he felt genuinely the happiest he had felt in a while.

He also would admit that he quite enjoyed when just before Y/N left, he revealed he was a writer himself. She blushed, jaw dropped because she had been prattling on and expanding on the 'Mysterious Artist in The Mountains' arc, in a pretty... amateur way she had said.

"Well," she giggled, trying to hold a serious face, "Mr. Styles, I shall take your leave. Now that I am presented with the information that you are a wonderful writer by profession, I expect thy to write some poetry about me the next time we meet."

"You should certainly expect it," he played along, bowing to her slightly.

"God, no, I'm joking," she laughed back, "but it really was nice to meet you, Harry. Thank you for everything." Gathering her belongings in one arm, she moved to stand at the threshold of the front door, Harry's presence following behind her.

She was just so sweet, Harry thought. Her smile bought with it something so honey like, a warm ray of light engulfing the room— and the sparkle in her eyes, kindness. She was beautiful too. The kind of beauty that wasn’t so conventional, more so the beauty that came with love that you simply had to have grown in with each second spent together.

"T'was a pleasure meeting you too, m'lady." He continued, a sweet smile still coating his face as he guided her out. (And although she was joking about the poetry, Harry had begun thinking of the same idea before she even proposed it.) Y/N simply reciprocated his expression, silence between them while the birds chirped in the back now that the rain had cleared out.

"Hope to meet you again… soon." She added quickly in the end and looked up to him with a glee in her eyes, speaking softly, “Bye, Harry."

A sense of déjà vu took over as he remembered the scene similar to the one he experienced a few hours back.

"Take care, love," he said, beaming when he saw her walk down the porch and look over her shoulder, excited for when they’d plan to spend more time together.

Except this time, he would happily declare that he knew her name too.

————

SOO, here is writer harry!! honestly, I started out with this piece like months ago and only finished it recently lmsiehdsjhs and I wasn’t sure if I should post it, but here we gooo :(( very soft vibes, I think. writer h is just like that.

thank you ever so much for reading :(( I really really hope you enjoyed!! <333

read more of my work on my masterlist! see you on the other side ;)

#maybe I’ll follow up with a part 2??? #also the ending seems so half assed I’m sorry sheushjs #anyway just thank you SOOO much for reading :( #my writing #Harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #Harry styles x reader #Harry styles x yn #Harry styles fluff #writer harry styles #artist Harry styles #Harry styles blurb #soft harry #harry fluff #sushistyless #mist #strangers to lovers

[selenepluto]

"I've got the key to my castle in the air, but whether I can unlock the door remains to be seen."

- Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

#amy march #jo march #beth march #little women #louisa may alcott #florence pugh #timothee chamalet #timothee x you #harry styles #dark academia quotes #dark academism #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #books #books and reading #bookblogger #book quote #book blog #today on tumblr #tumblr today #quotes on tumblr #tumblr quotes #poems on tumblr #tumblr poetry #my poems #poetrycommunity #poems and quotes #poems and poetry #spilled ink #spilled poem

[writingsfromhome]

Dos and Don’ts of H Styles

A/N: this story was literally born out of the wifi incident happening to me. It was a weird experience lol but of course it inspired me to write a story around it. Basically you used to work for Harry as a PA and your life was hell. You bump into him in the present but before it unfolds we need to know what happened in the past.

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

——————————————

I watch as Winnie types into her phone the number of the guy who’d just hit on her.

“And that’s with a y?” She looks up at him with doe eyes.

“Yea,” he falls for it. He was cute, and she worked a lot I didn’t blame her for taking who she could get. His accent also helped. “What’re you doin’ now?”

“Well,” her eyes slide to me. “Hanging with my girlfriend here.”

He nods at me and I smile, holding up the almost empty glass. “We were just about done for the night though.”

“We were?” Winnie checks in with me.

“Mhm,” I give her an encouraging nod.

Both Winnie and I were employed by musician-turned-actor Oretta Smith. Winnie was her nanny—or childcare companion as she called it, and I worked as Oretta’s executive assistant. It was full-time and demanding as hell but ever since Oretta had her first child a couple months back I’d gotten a lot more breathing room as she minimized her public life and stayed close to home.

This long weekend Oretta was staying with her in-laws and asked us to take it off. I’d already requested the weekend off knowing we were in London but being off at the same time as Winnie was impossible so we’d gone out to celebrate and let loose—9pm and only 2 drinks in, both of us had already started talking about the comfort of our beds. Until flirty dude came up to Winnie.

“What do you say?” Winnie’s new date asks her.

“Aw shucks alright,” Winnie flashes her beautiful smile and hops off the stool. I don’t even see her drop the bills onto the table as she hugs me goodbye and leaves until it’s too late. She’d covered for both of us. Well I’d get her back next time.

I finish the rest of my drink, eyes flicking to the reruns of tonight’s soccer game. This wasn’t the fanciest bar—it was quite homely compared to the ones Winnie and I often found ourselves at. But it was one I used to go to when I worked in London just over a year ago. Being back in the city, despite all the awful memories, pulled me towards the nostalgic comfort of it.

I remember the many dates with my now-ex, the random nights I’d actually get off, and drown myself in drink to forget about my awful employer. Or the birthday and milestone celebrations—especially the ones I started to miss near the end.

I consider walking the few streets over to my old flat. Coincidentally the job I’d gotten wasn’t far from home. The upside was that it made dealing with “emergency” texts from my employer a lot quicker but the downside was it grouped all the traumas I experienced in this beautiful city to a few blocks. I didn’t miss it.

I cut my memory lane rabbit-hole short and decide it was time to order an Uber and get out of here; I had an early train to catch tomorrow.

The bars on my phone flicker up and down as I open the app and continue to refresh it over and over. But my signal remains unstable.

“Stupid phone,” I mutter. I had to update my provider while I was here asap.

“‘Scuse me?” I wave down someone serving drinks. “Have you got wifi here?”

“Yep we do!” She smiles. “Name’s The Violinist and the password’s capital p….”

Her voice grows far away as my blood runs cold and I stare at the list of available wifi networks. I feel myself nod a thank you when she stops talking and she leaves taking the password with her while I’m stuck staring.

My networks:

🔗H’s iPhone

I want to duck down and run away, not spend another second around anything to do with that era of my life. But I also want to hunt him down and show him how much better I was doing after him, despite.

The second instinct wins. Kind of.

I don’t hide away. I scan the dimly lit room and try to spot the familiar head of hair but it’s on the third try that I spot him. And it’s probably because his hair is barely an inch long.

He must’ve cut it recently, I’m surprised. Him without his hair was like Harry Potter without his scar.

The feelings are instantaneous though. The loathing and the need to cry. My heart continues to race as I burn a hole into the side of his head.

He was the devil incarnate and I had thought about him for a second too long just now. And now here he was. What the fuck was a guy like him doing here?

I remember the awful times; the casually cruelty and the late nights he would make me work. His constant criticism. The way my life fell apart because of him. The way I could wring his neck with very little incentive at any given moment.

He had turned my whole life upside down. He ruined me.

Harry Styles wasn’t the sweetheart everyone painted him out to be.

And yet, a flash of a feeling, a fleeting memory I try to keep locked away pushes to the front of my mind.

“Fuck no,” I tell myself. There was no room for fondness when it came to the devil.

About 2 years ago:

I straighten out the blazer, wondering if I should be chic and roll the sleeves up a bit or just keep them down. My reflection shows a nervous mousy girl that’s trying too hard. I throw my hair into a ponytail instead and feel a more like myself. Just as the elevator doors ding open.

I’m in the penthouse suite I would be working out of for the next however long; it was my first day on the job and I was still sorting out my nervous to excited ratio.

After looking for months, I’d landed a PA gig for up-and-coming rockstar Harry Styles. It was a dream come true and everyone was ecstatic for me, most of all my boyfriend who’d helped me land the role.

My boyfriend, Grayson, was a personal trainer to a lot of big names and he’d been keeping his ear to the ground for me. We met a few years ago at the gym of course, I’d still been a student and he worked part-time at the student gym. Back then he was still working to get a better client list.

We’d clicked pretty quickly and Grayson, who was anything but shy, asked me out. Soon after he was telling me he had feelings for me and I’d felt them echo back the same. He was my biggest supporter and when I told him I wanted to take this career path seriously he’d been the first to show me what steps to take to get there.

My true dream was to become a publicist and work with celebrities, but fresh out of post-grad everyone told me I’d need to dive head first and get my hands dirty. And I’d have to do that by finding a PA role for a publicist or an industry person.

“Y/n?” My name interrupts my thoughts. It comes from a disembodied head peeking out from a doorway. “You are y/n right?”

“Yes!” I hurry over. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yes. I’m Mr. Styles’ exec assistant, I’m only here for the next,” he looks down at his watch. “Half hour perhaps? So let’s get you sorted before I head out.”

“Oh okay. Sure,” my ears ring, I was going to be alone on my first day. I didn’t even know he had an executive assistant. What was the difference between him and me? What if I screw up and this guy was part of the fallout plan? Shit. “Is Mr. Styles in?”

“Not at the moment, he’ll be in before noon. He has a few appointments this morning. Typically you’d be going with him but he left before you arrived so…next time. Make sure you get any paperwork he received from the appointments and file them in here-“ he points to a room with a filing cabinet. Like an actual cabinet. This was a tight ship. “You sound American. Are you American?”

“Yep,” I debate whether to tell him I stayed after doing my degree here but decide to keep the yapping to a minimum.

I continue following the EA—who I should get the name of, as he points out rooms and overlaps it with info about Mr. Styles’ schedule and routines. A lot of info. My brain felt like it was barely holding on.

I think about the man I was now working for, the one who came into the interview for a brief 10 minutes. Surely that laid-back guy wasn’t the anal mystery man I was getting all these instructions for.

The interview itself had gone pretty smoothly apart from the fact that I nervous-laughed a few times too many. I had gone silent when The Harry Styles had walked into the office. He’d sat beside me at the round table, slouching slightly and flashing me a reassuring smile—I had felt my shoulders dip down immediately.

“So it’s y/n right? I’m pronouncing that correctly?” He’d said in his perfectly charming accent.

“Yes, it’s so nice to meet you officially.” I had to tamp down every urge to gush over him. I was a professional. I was zen.

“So y/n,” he says my name so casually and yet I feel myself lean closer to hear him say it again. “I’ve seen a couple of you come in here for the PA role. What makes you different then?”

Think think, just be calm and think!

“Well I’m a very passionate person so I put my all into everything I do. That would include this job, and in turn you’d benefit by getting peace of mind knowing I’m tackling whatever behind the scenes items that need to get done to get you where you need to go.”

“Well said,” he says with a smile that says he knew he was very good looking. “Now trust is a big factor in this relationship.”

As he talks I forget his manager is even in this room. I’m swept up in the hazy green of his eyes.

“We’ve done the background checks and all that—right?” He looks to his manager who was interviewing me and gets a nod. “But how can you reassure me. My staff gets approached by the media daily for any info on me. What’s to say you don’t sell out.”

“I would never,” I didn’t even think of that being an option. “Confidentiality and trust is the biggest pillar of this role and I take it very seriously. You’re like, the biggest celeb of the last year but I know you’re also a person and I wouldn’t betray that. On a person level.”

“So even if you had a really bad day, say I had gotten you to do some impossible tasks. And you’re heading out head full of steam and you get approached by a reporter. £5k for an exclusive.”

I shake my head. “As tempting as it would be, professional ethics reign over any of that.”

“I believe you y/n,” his eyes flicker down to my file. “Good references. We’ll be in touch.”

Now my eyes roam around the small room I’m meant to work out of. It’s the size of 1.5 supply closets with half the walls filled with shelves and cabinets. There’s a small desk but I wasn’t sure how often I’d be sitting at it. All the PAs I’d ever connected with always complained about the amount of time you spend on your feet. That’s why I’d opted to buy myself runners when I got the job.

“Any questions—mind you I have 1 minute for them before I’m off? There’s a suit I have to sort out.” The EA turns to me when we circle back to my office/supply closet.

“Oh,” a million race through my mind. Nothing that would fit in a minute. “I um, I guess I didn’t catch your name?”

He seems surprised at that, and then he laughs. “Oh you’re a doll. This place is gonna eat you alive. I’m Riley and tip for you—don’t be so eager to please. Do your job. Do it well. But you’re not here to be liked or make friends alright?”

He laughs again when he looks at my face. He hands me an iphone and tells me it’s programmed with everything and everyone I needed, then waves goodbye leaving me in a confused spot.

I wasn’t naïve, I knew what working in this industry was like but I was could swear I’d landed a good gig with Harry Styles. And meeting the man himself in the interview had confirmed it.

Maybe Riley was just jaded by too many long hours.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. A text from Grayson: good luck on your first day babe. let me know how it goes.

I only have time to heart it when I hear the elevator open in the foyer. I rush out just for Harry to brush past me and his manager following, chattering away about something.

I follow from behind and watch as he heads to the kitchen. Riley had shown me what he laid out on the island and how I should do it going forward. And like two magnets Harry reaches for the exact bottle Riley mentioned. He downs the smoothie and then collapses onto the barstool.

“But don’t forget what she was saying about the single needing to be global. Sure your fanbase would love it but would the people who hate you have to admit it’s good.”

“I make it for my fans not for the wankers that hate me,” Harry says and his voice is rich like caramel.

“You know what we mean.” His manager suddenly turns directly to me. “Can you contact the studio and let them know to push Harry’s 1pm to 3?”

“Oh,” I didn’t even know they knew I was here. They gave no acknowledgement until now. “Of course. Um, could I just get the paperwork from this morning too? The appoint-“

“Yep,” his manager unhauls the items in his hands. The whole time Harry stares out the window. I’m handed a stack of papers and I carry them to the office.

My hands are shaking when I put them down and I feel a lump in my throat. What was wrong with me? Why was I reacting this way?

I find the studio contact in the phone Riley gave me and let them know. They’re suspicious at first but accept the reschedule. I leave the paperwork for later, figuring I might be needed now.

But the rest of the morning I’m unacknowledged save by a few requests from Harry’s manager. I spend some time looking through the calender in the phone that’s pre-programmed with Harry’s entire life. It’s packed except for this Sunday. I wonder if it was actually free or just hidden from me since it was my one day off.

“You’ve got a passport haven’t you…?” It’s the first time Harry’s spoken to me. He’s changed into a hoodie and shorts, his manager is nowhere to be seen, and I’ve just bitten into a granola bar—the first thing I’d had since my morning coffee.

“Y/n.” I try to swallow the bite whole but at the last minute push it to the side to try to answer. “Erm yeah. I haven’t got it on me though.”

“Right. Y/n. Start carrying it. I’ll need you with me on Thursday I have a morning meeting in Léon and since Riley’s going to be sorting out something for my New York trip in a couple weeks he can’t make it.”

“Yes. I will. Do you need me to prepare anything else for the trip? I’m not sure if you’ve packed or-“

“It’s just a meeting.” He cuts me off. He pulls out his phone, dismissing me.

I swallow the knot in my throat once more.

I go with Harry to the studio since his manager is meeting us there. Alone in the car with him, the silence feels stuffy.

“I never got the opportunity to say thank you by the way,” I try to open up a conversation. All he was doing was looking out the window surely I wasn’t interrupting anything.

“What?” He stares right through me.

“Um, I’m just saying thank you. For the job.”

He nods.

I stay silent for the rest of the ride.

The studio is quiet, which makes sense when I think about it but upon entering an actual room I change my mind. The noise assaults my ears and I nearly jump at the volume but my hand gripping the doorknob keeps me in place.

People swarm around Harry.

“I need my tablet and my notebook,” Harry says amidst the small chaos.

What the fucks was he talking about. “Sorry?”

“My tablet and notebook,” His face darkens and so does my mood. Nobody told me! But maybe I should’ve asked oh my god.

“I don’t have it,” I say lamely.

“Any time I’m in the studio I need those two things. You need to get me my tablet and my notebook.” He speaks like a robot.

“I-I’ll head back,” I get my bag again. “Tablet and notebook, is there anything else?”

He looks angrier than I thought. He sticks his hands in his pocket, shuffles something in his hand before handing it over. “You may as well get lunch. Keep that card on you for business costs.”

I open my mouth to ask what he might want but he turns away as soon as I take the card and I’ve already fucked up royally so I decide to wing it.

In the car I consider googling what Harry Styles ate for lunch and instead will the ever living shit out of myself not to cry.

I scroll through the phone, debating if calling Riley for help would be a mistake. Going through every app for help I realize the countless notes in the app.

Morning Routines, says one. It lists things I should do when the mornings were spent at home, in studio, abroad, in a hotel, or if I walk into a “morning-after” morning. Jeez.

Another has checklists for what to do when travelling, how-to for routine appointments I should be booking, routine people I should be calling.

Why didn’t I look at this before. Right there is one called Studio Days and in bold it says what to bring.

I was an idiot. A big fat idiot.

I try my luck and search lunch. Sure enough a note with possible lunch places in cities across the world pops up.

It was a How-to guide for Mr. Styles.

Whoever put this shit together was an angel. I owed them my life.

I decide to be proactive, sorting lunch out to be delivered to the studio while the car drops me off. I run to the room Riley had said was the home studio. Sure enough I spot the tablet and a few notebooks, I grab all 3. I also grab the charger and ignore the bag of weed chilling on the arm of the chair.

What to do when he’s too drunk / What to do for Interview Days / What to do when he won’t answer the door or the phone / Day-off checklist / Social media checklist.

The dos and don’ts go on and on as I scroll through on the ride back. This was going to be my homework and by the end of the week I was gonna be a genius.

I swipe away and check if I had missed any folders containing precious info. Just the trash.

Out of curiosity I open it and there’s only 1 sitting inside: the donts of working for Harry Styles

I open it:

-don’t let one nice day fool you into forgetting he’s an arse and your employer

-don’t expect any gratitude from a narcissist

-don’t fall for his charm

-don’t shit where you sleep. no matter how tempting

-when he pisses you off which he will, don’t mouth off. what happens next is worse than being fired. which he won’t do because he’s the devil and he will want to keep you around after treating you like shite

-don’t think he’s chill. he’s anything but. follow the checklists and the rules.

-don’t have a life. actually this is a CAN’T. YOU CAN’T HAVE A LIFE WORKING FOR THE DEVIL. LEAVE AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN UNLESS YOU HATE YOURSELF

I close the phone immediately, my heart thumping in my chest like a steady bass in the background of a song. What the hell did I get myself into.

***

It’s 8pm by the time I head back with Harry. The car is once again silent.

I had spent the day reviewing emails and the checklists, fielding calls and texts. His personal chef had texted to tell me dinner was prepared and in the oven to be re-heated so I figure that’s the last thing I’d do before I head home.

I’d eaten lunch standing while watching Harry sing background vocals to the album he was working on. It was hard to deny how intoxicating it was to see such a talented man work his magic. And it really was magical seeing how a song got put together.

That is until he’d sent me to get tea for the room and I’d nearly spilled half of it on myself getting enough back to the room. I was getting an electric kettle next.

I made a new note then: Reminders to do so you don’t get fired

The notes were my saving grace.

“My head is killing me,” Harry groans.

What to carry at all times: #4 paracetamol and #2 water

Checkmarked after going to the pharmacy while he was in the studio. I’d created an emergency makeup bag with essentials I could throw in my tote. I considered it a win today.

I hand the painkillers to him and he seems surprised. He replaces them with his phone.

“I don’t want to look at a screen for the rest of the night.”

“Okay.” I leave his phone beside me and try not to think of everything on it.

It vibrates a few minutes later and I leave it, not wanting to invade his privacy but he glances at me.

“Well?”

“Oh!” I lift it but it’s locked.

“1021.”

I type it in. “Um, Jeff wants to know if you’re still at the studio-“

“Reply to him.”

I do as I’m told.

“Um Mitch wants to know if you’re-“

“If it’s scheduling questions you can probably answer them without bothering me about it.”

I look up and he’s tipped his head back, eyes closed. Right. Of course I could.

I go through his schedule and find his studio time on Friday and relay it to Mitch. I respond to another text from someone asking if he was going to a gala in a couple months—his schedule said he was in LA so no. I wondered if I would also be in LA in a couple months. I wonder what Grayson would think.

Grayson, I’d had a short call with him a few hours ago and tried not to cry hearing his voice. It felt like home when the whole day felt so foreign.

I stare at the final text. The contact photo is the side profile of a gorgeous woman.

“Kimberly wants to know if you want um,” I feel my cheeks burn. “If you’re inviting her in tonight because she has a party she really wants you to go to.”

“I can’t be arsed for a party I feel like shite.” Harry says, eyes still closed. “Tell her to be at mine after 10.”

“Ok.” I type the words with a racing heart. I remember the morning-after checklist for this exact scenario. It wasn’t going to be weird soon I guess.

I heat up dinner for Harry while he showers and leave letting him know what time I’d be in tomorrow. He doesn’t even say goodbye.

I get home around the time I reckon Kimberly gets to Harry’s. The first thing I do when I see Grayson is shed a waterfall and he holds my exhausted body tight against him.

“Are you sure you want to keep doing this?” He whispers to me in bed after a shower and sandwich—I couldn’t stomach anything more.

“I need this job Gray. It’s gotta get better.”

“I reckon but it’s a steep learning curve,” he says as he traces the curve of my nose.

“I know,” I snuggle closer to him and yawn. I don’t know what he says next as I tip into sleep.

***

If the notes app manual with the dos and donts of being Harry Styles’ PA was a physical thing, imagine me swallowing it.

Every spare second I had—which I didn’t get a lot of, I was reading that thing. My fingers searched tirelessly before every scheduled and unscheduled event. And yet, I’d fucked up so many times.

It was Saturday and I was looking forward to my day off.

He had been hot and cold all week but ever since getting back from Léon he’d been nicer and I’d actually been getting home before 8.

Maybe things were going well, despite the fact that the learning curve was like climbing mount everest.

“What’s my morning look like?” Harry asks. I was sitting at his kitchen table trying to book a dinner for him next week with a friend that was in town. A friend who also happened to be big back where I was from—I hoped to catch a glimpse of her myself.

I glance up and look back down just as quickly. After a week of seeing Harry in all sorts of undress I should be used to it, but my face still flushes. Today he stands at the table in running shorts.

“Pulling it up,” I say and scan his schedule even though I had it memorized. “You’ve got a meeting at the bank in about 40 minutes and lunch with Michael.”

“Can’t my accountant take the bank meeting?”

“She’ll be there. She’s meeting you downstairs to discuss the meeting on the ride over. You need to sign off on some stuff.”

“Stuff,” Harry repeats.

I look at him, careful to train my eyes on his face. I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed at my lack of elaboration or just teasing me.

“Documents.” I correct, still unable to tell.

He look amused. “Great. Documents. I thought I’d be signing body parts.”

Was he joking? He was joking…I think.

“Right. No, we’re saving that for the tattoo shop booked for 6.”

He raises his brows, a slow smile spreading across his face and like the sun coasting over the horizon he looks brighter and prettier.

“That’s mad, that people would get a random man’s signature tattooed on them isn’t it?”

It’s inevitable really, my eyes skim over his torso brimming with tattoos. He notices and laughs. It’s a wonderful laugh.

“I meant they don’t really know me.”

“They admire you and it’s a piece of you,” I shrug. “At least it’s not a portrait of your face.”

“I’ve seen that floating around the internet actually.”

“Really?!” Now that was mad. I pull it up on the laptop and cover my mouth.

“I know.” He hangs his head and we laugh. God, things were finally getting better. This was the kind of relationship I thought Harry would have with his PA.

I scroll through comments and it’s impossible to wipe the smile off my face. I’ve considered myself a fan for a lot of artists but tattooing their face…that was another level of commitment I couldn’t do.

I look back to Harry who has grown quiet. His eyes are on me.

“What happened to your blazers?”

I’d decided to wear a skirt today, it was my lucky skirt—the one I had been wearing when I got the call that the job was mine. It being the last work day of the week I thought it might make me feel good.

I’d paired it with a tank top and a comfy cardigan. I’d finally felt like myself compared to all the button ups and blazers I’d been parading in. But apparently Harry had noticed the wardrobe difference. Shocker because he barely acknowledged me this week.

“I thought I’d dress for a Saturday?” It comes out meeker than I’d hoped. Ugh. “I hope that’s alright. If you want me more professional-“

“That’s alright,” his eyes roam down my body and I feel hot all over. Oh god, I shouldn’t have worn this. “It looks good.”

“Thanks,” I cross my cardigan over my body and try to get back to work but he doesn’t let it end there.

“Did you make that yourself?”

He continues to surprise me, “I did actually, is it obvious?”

“Yeah there’s a big hole down the back,” he teases. I know he is because his eyes are smiling, light.

“Damnit,” I relax a little. He was only interested in the sweater. “I’d finished it late it looked okay in the dark.”

“I have a friend, she made one of those for me. With the patches. Very comfortable.” He’s weirdly intense while looking at me and I feel like squirming again.

“It is. Very stretchy.” My vocabulary seems to shrink.

He leans over to touch the fabric and I feel like a cactus has been stabbed into my neck, I feel hot and prickly. Jeez, I had to chill out. My employer was just interested in my sweater. Super interested. Maybe I should just give him the damn thing. It would definitely fit him.

“Wool,” he smiles. He’s basically perched above me and I think I’m going to have a heart attack. I went from complaining about the fact that he acted like I wasn’t in any room he was in to not even being able to hold a conversation when he did.

I’m caught looking up into his unfairly gorgeous eyes and he looks at me like I’m the only person in the room. Which I was in this instance, but still.

I’m saved by a loud voice coming out of the elevator.

“Harry you car is waiting downstairs.”

Like a book slammed shut, his expression retreats until all that’s left is the cover page with no summary. The friendly Harry from before is gone.

“Oi Harry! I had to come all the way upstairs because I’ve been sitting in that stupid car waiting! Do you not pick up your phone?”

“Lee,” Harry says as he walks across his living room. “If you can’t reach me you call my PA I’ve told you a million times.”

“And I’ve told you a million times not to keep me waiting. We have a lot to cover before we get to this meeting and I need every minute. God why are you shirtless go put on something appropriate!”

Harry miraculously does as he’s told—given I had already laid out an outfit for him. He’s ready in no time. His accountant, Lee? Simply smiles at me and goes back to typing on her phone while we wait.

“Why is that so wrinkled?” Lee judges Harry who walks out in a completely different outfit.

“I don’t have time to change again do I?” Harry bristles.

Lee looks over at me and I’m not sure if she’s accusing me of something or looking for support.

“Mr. Styles I did leave an outfit out for the m-“

“I don’t wear silk.” He cuts me off and walks out ahead. Lee shrugs my way and follows him. I trail behind, feeling worse than ever.

For a miserable hour and a half I sit in one of the most uncomfortable chairs of my life, organizing Harry’s life while I wait for his meeting to end. As hard as I try to concentrate, I keep agonizing over what I might have done wrong to flick his switch. I swear things were going better. And I know I’ve seen him in silk before. Why the hell else would it be in his closet? Why couldn’t I go a single day without screwing up?

I finally spot Harry walking out of the office and gather my things quickly to meet him. I trail behind as we walk down the hall into the lobby, Lee is nowhere to be seen.

A gasp catches my attention and suddenly a girl younger than me rushes up to Harry.

“Oh my…Harry Styles?”

Harry’s face morphs briefly into annoyance, his gaze flicking my way, before pasting on a smile for the girl.

What to do when a fan approaches H (in the wrong moment): be the bad guy, divert, get Harry to wherever he needs to go to and do it quick.

“Hi,” Harry smiles sweetly at her and the friendliness throws me off guard. But this was unexpected and I should get him away…I think.

“Oh my god could I get a picture? My mate is never going to believe this. She loves you so much, so do I-“

“We really have to be going.” I say and the girl looks at me, surprised to find me there. I look around and spot and older woman watching us. Must be her mum.

“Could I just get a picture?” She glances between us.

“I don’t think Mr-“

“It’s fine,” Harry hands me her phone. “Get a photo of us.”

Just another layer of humiliation to add to the rest of the day. The rest of the week. God was I just awful at reading cues?

I snap a couple and then we’re walking free.

He doesn’t say anything. The car ride to his lunch date is spent in awkward fucking silence and I hate myself more with every second I spend in it.

When the car stops at his destination he holds his hand up when I go to open the door for him.

“Listen -what's your name again?" He asks.

Shame and humiliation drip over me like blood on Carrie’s prom night. I repeat it for him. Just like I had daily since I was hired.

“Right. Y/n. You came highly recommended from a friend so I trust you know how to do this job. This job, is to keep my life organized and keep me on track. Make sure I'm not distracted or side tracked by anyone. Including you. It’s not to be my publicist or my fashion advisor or my personal security. Let's stick to the job description okay?"

His words land bitterly to my ears. Not personal. Just a job. Just a job. Just a fucking job. And yet it was starting to feel like my whole life.

“Yes of course.” I hear myself mumble. And like the big clown I had to be, I push open the door and get out so he can too. He walks to the restaurant without a goodbye and I crawl into the car, heading back to his place. Tears burn my eyes but I refuse to let them out. Refuse to admit just how badly this job hurt.

***

“I’m not doing this on purpose,” I hiss into the phone. “You know I’d be there right now if I could!”

“Babe I get it’s your job but you haven’t come to anything in over a month since you started your job!”

“That’s unfair,” I cup my hand over my mouth. “Gray c’mon I’m going to be there just late.”

“That’s what you said last weekend.”

Last weekend, one of our good friends invited a few friends for dinner in their new place and Greyson had had to go alone. Everyone had messaged me to say I was missed but Gray had been stony, pretended to be asleep when I got home and then given me the silent treatment until I wore him down the next day. It was exhausting begging for affection.

“It’s my job Grey I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“Me neither, you know my parents want us over for weekend roast some time but I’ve been avoiding giving them a date because I don’t want you to stand them up.”

“I-“ a shadow shifts in the corner of my eyes and I look up. Harry stands in the doorway. “I have to go we’ll talk later.”

“Whatever y/n,” Grey hangs up and my chest squeezes with all the hurt I was causing. But he saw the state I’d been in since I started this job a month ago and he knows this is just my life right now. Why was he suddenly acting like it was brand new information?

“Are you done your personal call?” Harry asks. He hovers in the doorway, I’d never actually seen him in this little office space. Then again, if he did step in there wouldn’t be much room for either of us to walk around each other.

“Sorry,” I hate myself for apologizing. Here and everywhere else in my life. But I have no other choice. “Can I do anything for you?”

“When are you heading out tonight?” He asks. His eyes glued to my face. I know my eyes are teary and I try to blink it away.

“Um, soon. In an hour or so,” blink blink blink. “Did you need anything from me before then?”

“Yes, I have a friend coming over tonight. Can you order us something for dinner. Something light. And get a bottle to chill for us—champagne. And can you push Monday’s cleaning service to tomorrow afternoon?”

“Consider it done.” I tell him, hoping he would just leave me alone in the dark here.

“Do you have evening plans?” He continues. Why did he never ignore me when I wanted him to!?

“Kind of yeah,” I try to keep it short. “A birthday.”

It was Grayson’s sister’s birthday. She had invited us to a local fave called The Violinist and of course I would only make it to the dessert course if I was lucky. These days, making it to dinner at all was a luxury. I lived off of sparkling water, leftovers, and coffee.

“Well best to finish up what you’re doing so you can head out.”

He leaves and I’m annoyed. Why couldn’t he be nice and just tell me to leave after doing what he asked. But here I sit folding fucking pamphlets for some idiotic pledge he had signed on for. Fuck me.

I’m miserable by the time I leave. I’d managed to finish everything in a half hour so I’d touched up my makeup and changed into a simple dress I had kept in the office closet on Riley’s suggestion.

“A simple black number that could be used for any last minute event.” He’d said. Unfortunately that now counted for personal events too.

“G’night Mr. Styles.” I call out as I walk to the foyer, just so he knows I was going out earlier than I said.

“G’night,” he answers surprisingly. He always ignored me but tonight he sits on the couch. He rises to see me off but I notice him pause and take in my outfit. “Fun night?”

“I hope so.” I unfold the blazer in my hand, suddenly wanting to disappear with his gaze on me.

His long legs walk to me and he takes the blazer I’m fidgeting with from my hands. He actually holds it open and if I wasn’t this exhausted my jaw would definitely be on the floor.

“Oh. Thank you,” I slip it on and turn to face him. As if helping me put it on wasn’t surprising enough, he proceeds to untuck my hair from the blazer.

“That’s alright,” he says in a low seductive tone. “You look nice. Are you dressed up for someone?”

The question is dangerous, toeing a line I’m not sure I want to erase. I try to ease things with a joke. “The birthday girl I guess.”

“A friend?”

“My fiancé’s younger sister.”

Was it just me, or does he bristle when I mentioned my fiancé?

“I didn’t know you were engaged,” he mumbles, glancing down at my hand. I wore a number of rings and I guess the small diamond Grayson had proposed with back when it was the most he could afford, blended in.

“Yeah, nearly a year now.”

“Wow,” he crosses his arms. “Have a date set?”

“Not exactly,” I smooth my hair behind my ears. “We’re thinking next year but we’ve just been so busy with out schedules-“

“What does he do?”

“He’s a personal trainer,” I say proudly.

“Oh,” Harry tilts his head back. “Oh. Now I understand. Now I get the connection. My mate Liam put in a good word for you when I needed a new PA, he said he knew you through his personal trainer. He never mentioned how.”

“I see,” I’d have to thank Liam next time I saw him. He’d been one of Grayson’s first big clients and had become a close friend to us. I’d have to thank him with dinner. If I got any nights off, that is.

“That’s who you were talking to on your personal call?” He asks, his hand tracing my shoulder seam down to my elbow. My heart races from the ghost of his touch.

“Erm yeah, sorry again. I had to take it since it was time sensitive.”

“Best to get going then.”

I take a step backwards and then rush to the elevator all at once. Once I’m on and the doors start to close I turn and catch a glimpse of his handsome face watching me go.

I let out a breath. That was weirdly heavy. And kind of intimate. But weird. That was weird.

I wonder briefly who he was having over tonight. If it was Kimberly, who I’d had the misfortune of meeting in her panties one morning. Or his other “friend” some brunette named Maya or Amaya something. I’d had the misfortune of meeting her when I dropped off a late package to Harry one evening. All were awkward encounters.

I shake away the thoughts and am grateful when Harry’s driver waves me down on the sidewalk. I guess Harry had told him to take me to where I needed to go. My heart is warmed ever so slightly, although I do accidentally nap on the 15 minute drive over.

I make it for the end of dinner and Gray looks relieved to see me even though his eyes hold a hint of something unspoken. I try to ignore it tonight.

“Oh you look beautiful!” I hug the birthday girl, and we sway from side to side. I used to see her a lot before she moved away for uni. “When did you stop being a baby, Josie Duran let me get a look at you.”

“Josefina tell her what you did for your 21st.” Gray says.

“Can you let it go!?” Josie scowls.

“What?” I whisper.

“Mom will kill you,” Gray warns.

“That’s why she doesn’t have to know,” Josie bites.

“Hey,” I put my hands up between the two. “No fighting with the birthday girl. Anyway. Josie, you look beautiful, I’m so sorry I’m late but it’s so good to be here.”

“Aw no don’t worry about it,” she goes in for another quick hug. “I’m just happy you got to come. Gray said the bloke you work for is a nightmare. Tell us do we know him?”

“Ah,” I wasn’t really supposed to talk about him according to my nda. “I dunno if you would. Anyway I’m going to try to steal some of Gray’s leftovers until dessert comes.”

I sit beside Gray where the seat had been left empty and smile up at him, hoping for forgiveness. He sighs and kisses my forehead, pushing his plate towards me.

“Go ahead, have you eaten?”

I had a banana and a yoghurt for lunch but I don’t tell him, just making a vague answer for yes and scarfing down what’s left.

“She got a tattoo,” he says in my ear later as the restaurant finishes singing happy birthday and a cake with sparklers is set down. He’d gotten tipsy and I can tell because he wants to talk about his upsets.

“She’s a grown woman Gray,” I know he was protective and a little traditional—that’s where half of their sibling fights originated, but I always told him he had to let loose a little. “She’s allowed to get it. If I remember you have some tattoos of your own.”

“It’s different y/n.”

“She’s getting older faster than we can keep up with huh?” I lean my head against Gray’s shoulder and let out a big sigh. It feels good, sitting with him here surrounded by friends. It had been a while.

Gray leans his head against mine and doesn’t answer. We watch her friends take pictures like proud parents, watching her cut and then distribute the cake. I should help, but I just could not lift a finger.

“Hey y/n, is that your phone going off?” Josie’s friend beside me points to my facedown phone.

“Is it?” I sit up, my heart doing a number in my chest.

I pick it up, 2 missed calls from Harry and 3 texts. Fuck.

“Leave it,” Gray must be looking over my shoulder. “You’ve gone home now just screw him.”

“I can’t,” I didn’t want Gray getting mad—I know he was kinda drunk and he could make a scene like this. I didn’t want to ruin Josie’s celebration. But I couldn’t ignore this. This is the first time Harry’s messaged me after I’ve gone home. “I’ll take it outside.”

On my way to the door I open the messages. A picture of a bucket filled with ice. A row of question marks. And then: call me

What? What was so urgent about a bucket of-

Oh.

Fuck.

I thought I did everything but I hadn’t. I’d filled the bucket with ice and meant to ask the Italian restaurant around the corner to deliver a bottle like they usually did for Harry but I hadn’t gotten to that part.

I feel like I’m going to vomit any dinner I just had.

I crouch down. Do I call him? Do I pretend I didn’t see this until too late? No. I had to face up. I fucked up.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

I call with shaking hands but it rings and rings and goes straight to voicemail. I try again.

I had to get back, get him the champagne. Fix my mistake.

“Y/N,” Grayson’s suddenly outside. “Aren’t you coming back in?”

“I can’t. I…” how do I explain this to my fiancé without it sounding minor as hell. “I forgot to mail some important documents and I need to get back-“

“It’s Saturday fucking night.”

“Yeah but-“

“And guess what?! Tomorrow’s Sunday! The mail’s going nowhere! Fuck that wanker and come back in.”

Gray holds out his arms and I want to go back in but I need to fix this mistake.

I grasp his hand and he smiles, misunderstanding why I held it, “Gray I have to go-“

He pulls his hand away, a sneer on his face. It hurts when he looks at me that way, like I betrayed him.

“I showed up! I celebrated, I got here Gray I just have to-“

“You were barely here! Do you know how upset she was when I said you couldn’t make it?”

“Well why did you say that!?” I demand. “I told you I was only going to be late!”

“I can’t trust that!” He shouts and I try to pull his arm so he quiets but he doesn’t seem to care there are people around. “Your time is all his, every single fucking second! And when you’re not there your brain is going a million bajillion times over about him and his life. Even when you’re with me! What the fuck! What’s up with that!?”

“Gray I’m sorry look I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. I swear. I’ll make it up to your sister I-“

“I don’t care y/n,” Gray slips his arm out of my grasp. “Do whatever you want. Nothing I say matters anymore anyway right?”

“Gray,” tears streak my face as I watch the man I love go back inside without another look my way.

Fuck Harry.

I try to call him again but voicemail. Again. Fuck!

What to do when you make a mistake: admit to it—Harry appreciates accountability. FIX IT! As much as you can. FIX YOUR MISTAKES OR FACE CONSEQUENCES.

An alert that my uber was here pings my phone—I take the ride to the restaurant and grab an already chilled bottle. I book it to Harry’s building and ride the elevator up, every floor causing a further dip in my stomach.

The doors open to a dimly lit space. There’s music playing, something jazzy, and it smells like…vanilla? Vanilla roses?

“Hol-hold on,” I hear Harry chuckle. A head pops up from the other side of the sofa.

“Y/n?” He looks as confused as I am.

Oh my god, I realize as a giggle comes from the floor. They were on the fucking floor of the living room? They were on the floor of the living room f…what the fuck did I walk into?

“Just back with this,” I squeak, holding up the bottle.

“Harry did you invite someone else?” The voice asks from below with another laugh. He sighs, disappearing again. I hear a very distinct wet noise before he pops back up again, I look at the doors of the elevator trying even harder not to give in to the panic attack that was looking more and more tempting.

“What are you doing here?” Harry approaches me with a softened voice. Wearing a robe. A silk robe. I knew he wore silk.

“You called—the bottle I’m sorry it totally slipped my mind I-“

“I told you to call me?”

“I did, you didn’t pick up! I thought I should swing by-“

“I thought you had a party?” His forehead scrunches.

“I…” the pieces come together. Did I take this too seriously because Harry didn’t even look angry? Great. I was an idiot and proving to Harry I had no life. “It ended. Early. I…I wanted to fix my mistake and bring the bottle.”

He takes it from my hand, still confused. “Y/N.”

I wait for him to continue but he doesn’t. And lord, in this climate with him in just a robe hearing my name on his lips is not okay. I was going to pass out.

“I’ll leave.” I go back to the elevator but he starts talking again.

“I asked you to call me so I could ask-“ he stops when I turn back around to listen. He closes the gap between us again with a sigh, and I don’t realize my face was still streaked with tears. It was probably more noticeable in the elevator light. He takes his finger and swipes across my cheek, his brows furrowing.

“Sorry,” I swipe my cheek to remove the remaining evidence. “I’ll leave you to it.”

He clears his throat and takes a step back. “Thank you for coming back.”

I nod.

“If you’re going to leave early next time, make sure you finish everything I’ve asked you to do. Don’t skip out like this again.”

“Yes yeah of course,” I stutter, relieved to fit back into our usual roles. For a second there, I thought Harry was going to be kind. And that would have been way worse.

“Good night Y/N. See you Monday.”

“Good night Mr. Styles.”

Gray’s not home by the time I get back. I wake the next morning to his side untouched.

So I do the only thing that felt good these days, I curl up into a ball and cry.

***

Taglist - leave me a message if you’d like to join it :)

#harry styles fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #asks #harry styles angst #harry styles series #musician!harry #dos and donts #ahhh #i didn’t edit this too much it all kind of came out at once #so ignore any errors #hope this is fun to read #it was fun to write

[teen-spirited-away]

Picking up the asoiaf series again and oh sansa you would've thrived as a teenager in 2013...

#diehard swiftie flower crown wearing fishtail braid expert professional harry styles x y/n wattpad writer #reading her chapters like oh I know you wouldve run a hipster/sad girl tumblr blog like the navy #asoiaf #sansa stark #agot #acok #asos #im in the third book

[otrtbs]

also beloved mutuals reblogging that post on the dash about ceasing w the reader x blorbo fanfiction have we considered the thought that i, user otrtbs, do want 2 be railed by that character??? hmmm,,,,,

#what can i say … i used to read harry styles x female oc fics #those were my roots so #it not being rpf is a step up actually

[harrysfinelinevol1]

affection pt.3

harry styles x personal assistant!y/n

summary: y/n works for harry as his personal assistant. you've always sort of recognised you have feelings, however chose not to act upon them due to the nature of your relationship. little did you know he also shares your affections

this series will contain abuse of alcohol and drugs, strong language, smut, angst and mental health issues. if you find any of these topics difficult to read or are under 18, please do not read this fic

based on this insta blurb

chapter 3

word count: 10.1k

warnings: smut, language, overconsumption of alcohol

-

Harry held onto your hand tightly as you, Jeff and Harry all walked briskly towards the meeting room, where members of Harry's publicity team were waiting for you. After seeing the photos this morning, a meeting was quickly called to figure out how to manage this and troubleshoot any problems. You never realised how closely Harry's relationships had to be managed and your heart broke for him slightly. Eventually, you reached the door of the meeting room and you were both ushered in by Jeff, where you were met with six serious-looking people, all of them turning their heads to you to judge you when you walked in. Your heart was thumping as you slowly took a seat and your hands shook slightly. Harry gripped your hand tighter but it did little to help. This was not the way you pictured a relationship with Harry starting and you felt tears pricking at your eyes when you realised how horrific this was turning out to be.

"Right, just want to clarify, neither of you wants to make a statement on this or clear things up with the press?" Jeff asked looking at you both and you stared at Harry, not really sure how you should be responding.

"Uh, no we don't," Harry replied quickly.

"Ok, that's fine. And can I just ask what the nature of your relationship is?" Jeff followed up. This time both of you looked unsure. Obviously, Harry hadn't asked you to be his girlfriend but you definitely couldn't be just friends after the events of last night.

"Um, we just started seeing each other, so I'm not sure," you quietly said after neither you nor Harry said something for a while. All the eyes in the room snapped to you, clearly not really expecting you to say anything. You sunk down lower in your seat.

"Well, that's fine, we'll just leave it at that for the time being," Jeff said spotting you felt uncomfortable. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and an assistant popped her head in, a little taken back by everyone in the room.

"Uh sorry Jeff, is there any chance I could borrow Harry quickly? We want to check some sizing on his costume tonight," she quickly asked.

"I'm not sure now is the best time..." Harry started but Jeff cut him off.

"No it's fine Harry, you go get that sorted, we only really need Y/N for this next bit anyway," Jeff said waving Harry off and you gulped nervously. Why would this next bit just be about you? You looked up at Harry worried and he felt like he couldn't just leave you there at the mercy of his publicity team.

"I really think I should stay," Harry hesitated but Jeff shook his head.

"No, no it's fine, just come back when you're done," Jeff insisted and Harry reluctantly got up. As he passed the back of your chair, he gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze, but that didn't help the waves of anxiety that were washing over you as he left you alone in the room.

"Ok, Y/N, I think you may be aware that having a relationship with Harry in any form comes with a lot of attention and scrutiny. However, being in a romantic relationship with Harry brings a much more intense level of attention. People are always curious to know who he's going out with but I think you already know this. I just need you to be aware of the attention you're about to receive and probably are already experiencing," Jeff began and you nodded nervously, already knowing what he was going to say.

The press would begin to hound you, to try and figure out who you were and attempt anything to get photos of you together. However, you were more worried by the fans. The fans already knew you were Harry's personal assistant and his best friend and for the most part, they were lovely and would say hi to you if they spotted you out or leave you lovely messages and comments on your social media accounts. However, there were those fans who already sent you extreme amounts of hate for just knowing Harry and the fact that you were now in a relationship with him meant it was already going to get worse. You had noticed since this morning that as your social media following had gone up, you had already received a number of messages from "fans" who had said horrible things to you, things you couldn't even speak about.

Seeing those messages flood in this morning, made you burst into tears. You had to hide in the bathroom for a bit so Harry wouldn't realise how upset those comments made you. You couldn't believe people could be so mean without even knowing you, but every comment broke your heart and wore down your confidence massively. People were telling you that you were not good enough for Harry and that you didn't deserve him and also making horrible comments about your appearance.

You realised you had massively zoned out of the meeting thinking about this and so you tried to regain focus on what Jeff was saying.

"... the press and fans will also be looking for any scandal they can find out about you, so this could include any of your past actions, anyone who you've associated with, people you've dated for example or even your family," Jeff explained and your heart twinged a bit. You didn't really have much in the way of family, your dad had walked out on you and your mum when you were 5 and it had just been the two of you since then. You didn't know much about your dad or anything about his family. You had grown up in a tiny flat in San Francisco while your mum did anything and everything to keep you both afloat. Your mum was your best friend though, and the idea of the press digging into her past or harassing her made you irate.

"So Y/N we're going to have to ask you a couple of questions, just so we're prepared for any problems that could arise if the press finds out anything about you, is that ok?" Jeff asked and you nodded even though you were a bit confused about what this would entail.

"Ok good, I'll pass over to John and Sophie here," Jeff said sitting down and gesturing to two young-looking members of Harry's publicity team.

"Right Y/N, what's your relationship with your family?" they asked and you were a bit taken aback. You weren't expecting such intrusive questions.

"Uh, it's just my mum really, she's my only family member," you answered timidly, not really wanting to go into your familial situation

"Dad?" Sophie asked bluntly raising her eyebrows and you felt like crying. You really didn't want to talk about this.

"Not in the picture," you responded quickly trying to keep it together. You really didn't want to cry in front of all these people

"Do you have any contact at all? Any idea what he's doing?" Sophie followed up and you could have slapped her.

"No," you ground out hoping she'd move on. She seemed to get the idea after that and sat back, satisfied that your family wouldn't cause a problem. You really failed to see how they would anyway. Surely people wouldn't dig that deep? People had known of you for a while now, so you presumed they would have already done a deal of digging.

"Ok, past relationships, have you dated anyone relevant before or has a relationship ended badly and you feel like we should know about it in case it gets bought back up?" John asked and you stared at him shocked. What the fuck were these questions.

"Uh no, I haven't dated anyone relevant before and no I don't think any of them have ended badly," you replied just wanting this to be over.

"Most recent boyfriend? Did you know Harry when you dated him?" John continued.

"I really don't understand how this is relevant," you said and John sighed.

"If there was overlap between your last relationship and Harry then it could create bad press for him. We'd like to minimise this. So could you answer the question please?" John retorted and you sighed.

"Last relationship was when I was 19. 6 years ago and a year before I knew Harry," you said quietly, slightly embarrassed it had been that long since you dated anyone. It had been 6 years of small flings and one night stands since. You looked up and saw Sophie smirking slightly at you. What the hell.

"Thank you," John replied, quickly writing this down. It felt really strange to watch people take notes on your life to help protect someone else's. You really hated this, the attention was overwhelming and you wanted to leave but you knew that this could help Harry and the press he received so you sat and answered all of the intrusive questions for the next 20 minutes that delved into every aspect of your life. It didn't help that Sophie didn't stop judging you the whole time and that Harry never returned to the meeting. It had been so uncomfortable and bought up so many memories that by the end you were struggling to hold back tears as Jeff wrapped up the meeting. When it was done, you grabbed your stuff and bolted out of the room, running to the nearest bathroom where you heaved out a massive sob. You had always struggled with anxiety and that meeting had triggered a massive bout of it and you were struggling to hold back a full-blown panic attack.

Meanwhile, Harry was almost running down the corridors to get back to the meeting. He knew it would have been unbelievably uncomfortable for you and knowing his publicity team, they would have probably asked you some questions you weren't happy answering as he knew they would need to find out a lot about you. He knew of your past, especially the situation with your family and he hoped that hadn't triggered uncomfortable memories for you. He finally got to the door and opened it, frowning to find it completely empty. He cursed under his lips as he realised it must have ended and he had no idea where you had gone. He turned around a went back down the way he came, ringing you on your phone as he went but you weren't answering. He was just about to push through a set of doors when he heard what sounded like a muffled sob. He stopped and listened and then heard the sound again. Turning around, he locked eyes with a bathroom across the corridor and pressed his ear to the door. He listened again and heard the unmistakable sound of your cries and his heart broke. He quickly knocked on the door.

"Y/N?" he asked tentatively and he heard the crying stop. He knocked again.

"Love, can you open up for me?" He heard some shuffling and the lock click so he opened the door and stepped inside. You were sitting on the closed toilet seat, tears staining your beautiful face as you looked up at him.

"Y/N, what happened darling," he asked as he knelt down in front of you. You shook your head as a few more tears slipped out.

"It's stupid, I should really be able to handle it," you sniffled as he gently stroked your knee.

"It isn't stupid love, this is a lot to take on," Harry sympathised but secretly he was also really sad. He was so upset that starting this relationship with you, something he had wanted for a long time, was causing you so much grief.

"You wanna tell me what's been going on?" he probed and you wiped some more tears away.

"It was just the meeting. They asked so many intrusive questions and I hated it. I think I'm also sad because I didn't want us to start like this," you explained and Harry nodded. He was glad you understood it as well.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. They shouldn't have done that. This isn't how I wanted things to start either," he said as he pressed a kiss to your hands. "But the hard bit's over, and you did amazing. You don't have to talk to them again and I won't ever let them question you the way they did today, ok?" you nodded even though you didn't really believe him. You didn't have the heart to tell him that since this morning, the hate you had been receiving on social media had only been increasing. You also had people texting you on your phone who you barely knew, only because you were now intimately connected to Harry.

You gave him a weak smile and he stood up to press a sweet kiss to your lips. It felt slightly weird that you had been friends for so long and never been romantic with each other yet now you were freely kissing each other on the lips. However, every kiss and every touch you shared filled your heart with love. You had wanted this for a very long time, so finding out Harry felt the same meant the world to you.

"Come on love, unfortunately, we can't spend all day in this beautiful bathroom," he joked as he helped you up and you giggled. Harry always had a way to put a smile back on your face.

-

After the show had finished later that night, you both opted to go straight back to the hotel. Both of you were absolutely exhausted from the day you had had and when you collapsed on the bed, you accidentally found yourself drifting off. Harry, who was lying next to you on the bed on his phone, turned to you and realised your breathing had slowed slightly.

"Hey Y/N, baby you gotta wake up," he shook you gently and your eyes fluttered open and you frowned at him.

"I was having a nice little nap there," you grumbled and he chuckled.

"I know my love but you gotta eat something and I don't think you wanna fall asleep in what you're currently wearing," he said and you couldn't hep the smile that grew on your face at the way he was caring for you.

"Suppose," you agreed and he smiled pushing himself off the bed and grabbing the room service menu from across the room.

"What d'you want baby?" he asked handing it to you.

"Could I get the chicken salad please?" you asked and he nodded.

"Anything to drink?"

"Just a water," you replied as you got up to hang your coat by the door and began struggling with the buckles on your shoe. You heard Harry making the order in the background and you smiled to yourself. This felt so weirdly domestic but also so lovely at the same time. You were both just happily coexisting with one another.

After pulling your shoes off, you went back into the main room where Harry had opened up Netflix on the TV and handed you the remote.

"You're actually letting me choose the film?!" you asked incredulously and he nodded.

"Wow this dating thing has some perks," you smirked and he chuckled.

"Watch it babe, otherwise privileges will be revoked," he joked and you shook your head.

"Nah, I've had to watch the notebook one too many times now. I get to choose the next 10 films at least," you quipped.

"5" he bargained

"Nope, 10,"

"6"

"10"

"Come on!!" he groaned and threw his head back.

"Should have thought of that before you made me watch that many rom-coms. It's not normal the amount you watch," he flipped you off in response.

"Sue me."

After about 20 minutes of bickering and both of you being nowhere closer to choosing a film, the food arrived and luckily shut the both of you up. When Harry was distracted with the hotel worker who had bought up the food, you quickly popped on your favourite film. When Harry came back in and saw what you were watching, his shoulders slumped.

"You can't just have a go at having to watch too many rom-coms and then put on Ferris Bueller. We've watched this 100 times!" he argued but you placed your fingers to your lips

"Don't wanna hear it," you replied and Harry smiled despite losing the argument. He was the happiest he had been in a long time, he was having a lovely night with the girl he had dreamed of being with for the longest time. He picked up your salad off the trolley and handed it to you, then picked up his dinner and settled down next to you. You ate in comfortable silence, both of you enjoying the movie. However, when you finished eating, Harry could sense you were about to fall asleep again.

"I think we need to go to bed," Harry said quietly. You just hummed in response, head leant back on the pillow with your eyes closed.

"Would you like a bath?" Harry asked and you nodded this time, the idea of a warm bath sounded so inviting right now.

"Alright, I'll go run you one," he said as he got up off the bed and went into the bathroom, turning on the faucet and preparing the perfect bath. When he returned to the bedroom, you'd pretty much fallen asleep again. He nudged you gently.

"Y/N, bath's ready," he whispered and you groaned as he looped his arms around your back and under your knees to pick you up bridal style. He carried you into the bathroom where he placed you down, so you were leaning against the counter. You reached up to give him a sweet kiss which he reciprocated before stepping back.

"I'll leave you to have your bath," he said as he began to walk away. You reached out and grabbed his hand and shook your head.

"Join me," you offered and his eyes lit up. You smirked and turned towards the bath, pulling your top over your head and loosening the skirt you were wearing so it fell to the floor. Harry's eyes widened when he realised you'd only be wearing a pair of very lacy underwear all day and no bra. You pulled the pants off and climbed into the bath settling down as you pulled your hair up into a loose bun. Harry was still staring at you, gobsmacked.

"Earth to Harry," you giggled and he shook himself out of his stupor and started pulling off his clothes. You scooched forward so he could settle in behind you. When he had sat down he pulled you into his chest, his hands resting on your stomach and you rested your head on his shoulder, eyes fluttering closed again. For a while you just lay like this, enjoying each other's company in the warm water. Harry began drawing circles on your stomach and you smiled at the nice feeling. He reached beside you to grab the soap and gently washed you, massaging your shoulders and you found yourself drifting off once again. Harry noticed this and chuckled, you really were exhausted. He finished washing himself and you before gently climbing out of the bath and pulling on some boxers. He then scooped you out of the water and carried you into the bedroom. At this point, you woke up again and asked Harry to get you some underwear to sleep in. He gently pulled them up your legs and then snuggled into the bed behind you, the both of you drifting off holding each other tightly.

-

The next morning, the sun shone through the curtains and blinded you as your eyes fluttered open, awoken by the feeling of someone lightly stroking your stomach and slow breathing in your ear. You slowly rolled over so your nose brushed with Harry's and you smiled gently at him. He grinned back, pleased that you were awake and pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

"Good mornin' love," he mumbled sleepily as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, snuggling into his warmth to protect yourself from the cold air of the hotel room.

"Morning," you replied, still tucked into his body. He wrapped his arms around you and you smiled to yourself as you relished in his love for you and this peaceful moment you both were sharing before the chaos of the day began.

"Do you always watch me sleep?" you joked as you pulled back from him and raised your eyebrow. He laughed in response.

"Only sometimes love," he replied as he pressed another kiss to your lips, cupping your cheeks as he did. He then clambered out of bed and you sat back, admiring his body in the morning light. You whined as he moved away from you and he smirked at you and moved back onto the bed to hover over you.

"Needy," he whispered as he leaned in for a kiss, deepening it as you looped your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer.

"Fuck, Y/N if you keep this up, I'm gonna have to have you right now," he groaned as your nails ran up and down his tanned back. You ran your hands up into his hair and tugged it in response and he snapped. Gathering you up into his arms he pulled you off the bed and carried you to the bathroom, kissing you passionately as he did. He set you down on the cold tiles and pulled down the lacy underwear you had been wearing to bed. He then knelt down in front of you, where you were already dripping from arousal and he grinned up at you.

"Hold on love," he murmured as he buried his face in your folds, and you quickly gripped the counter behind you, moaning loudly as he devoured you. His hands reached behind you to pull you into him, squeezing your ass as he did so and your legs began to shake as he swirled his tongue around your clit.

"Fuck Harry," you gasped as you placed one hand in his hair and tugged, leading to him groaning into your folds and your hips bucked forwards as he did this. He kept a tight grip on your hips to try and keep you in place as he continued to eat you out but you were finding it harder and harder to stand up. Harry knew this, so he stood up and lifted you onto the counter where he pulled your thighs over his shoulders and buried himself in your pussy. He moved his hand and pushed two fingers deep inside you and you moaned loudly, crying out his name. You could feel your climax rapidly building.

"H, I'm close, fuck, I'm close," you moaned as his fingers sped up and he continued to suck on your clit. You tipped over the edge, the wave of pleasure coursing through your body as your legs shook on Harry's shoulders and you writhed about on the counter. Harry took in your state of pleasure, eyes roaming over your body hungrily as he strained against his boxers. You eventually stopped shaking and tried to calm your breathing as Harry moved your legs off his shoulders and stood up, caging your body in on the counter with his arms. You smiled coyly up at him as he smirked down at you, lips still glistening with your arousal. You moved to hop off the counter and ducked underneath him to get to the shower where you turned it on and stood against the shower wall beckoning him in to join you. He grinned before pulling off his pants and stalking towards you like a predator hunting its prey.

He met you with a passionate kiss, hooking his arms around your thighs to lift you up and press you against the wall. You reached down between you, to line him up with you and before you knew it he had pushed his throbbing length inside you and you moaned at the feeling of being so full.

"Fuck, Y/N!" Harry gasped as he dropped his head onto your shoulder as your walls tightened around him.

"Gonna go slow, okay," he whispered as he started slowly thrusting in and out of you. You nodded as you pressed your head to his, moaning loudly at his movements. It was during these moments that your heart swelled so much you thought it would burst. Harry began placing gentle kisses along your shoulder and your neck as you leaned your head back to give him more access.

"You're so beautiful," he gasped as he thrust into you a bit quicker this time and you smiled at him, kissing him passionately. His thrusts became a bit more clumsy as he reached his peak.

"Fuck baby, I'm close," he rambled as you started sucking on his neck, hoping to leave a mark. You tugged on his hair again, knowing that would always set Harry off and he moaned loudly when you did. He thrust into you for a final time and pulled out so he came against your stomach. Gently he placed you down, pressing a kiss to your lips as he did so. He cradled your head in his hands as he looked down at you adoringly.

"Wanna wake up like that every day," he professed and you giggled.

"So do I," you replied shyly as you began to wash yourselves.

After your shower, you thought it was probably best you went back to your room seeing as you hadn't really gone back in the last 48 hours. You also had a fair few phone calls to make, to try and explain the situation between you and Harry.

You got back to your room and had barely put your stuff down before there was a knock at the door. Sighing you went to open it and were faced by Elise and Olivia who were both staring at you with raised eyebrows. Realising you had slightly forgotten to tell them what was going on, you giggled and let them into the room.

"You wanna explain what's been going on?" Olivia smirked as she sat down on your bed

"Yeah, if I remember correctly, someone told me she didn't have the hots for Harry a couple weeks ago," Elise added and you hid your face in your hands.

"Shut upppp," you groaned as they started laughing at you.

"Seriously though, what's going on?" Olivia asked and you sighed.

"I honestly don't know it's been such a whirlwind. We got with each other at the club on Saturday and then like we came back here," you explained blushing at the last part.

"Oh my god, you slept with him," Elise gasped and you blushed even harder.

"I'm not at liberty to disclose that," you mumbled and they gaped at you.

"Was it good?" Olivia probed and you nodded shyly.

"Best I've ever had," you chuckled and the girls both squealed loudly and you laughed.

"Oh be quiet, the both of you," you laughed.

"Does this mean you're going out?" Elise asked.

"I mean I guess? I don't know we haven't labelled it yet, I think we're just seeing how it goes for now," you explained and both of them nodded.

"I think that's smart for now. Just take it slow yeah? This is your first relationship for a while," Olivia advised and you nodded knowing she was right.

"Ahhh, I'm so happy for you," Elise squealed jumping up to give you a hug, Olivia joined in and you giggled, feeling a lot happier than you felt yesterday morning.

You hung out for a bit before they left to go pack their stuff and you did the same. You had to leave in a bit to head to Wisconsin for the next show so you needed to get everything together. You called your mum as you packed, explaining what was going on to her and having a nice catch-up. She was so excited when you told her about Harry as in her opinion she always knew that you were meant for each other.

Eventually, you managed to cram most of your belongings into your suitcase and went back to Harry's room with it. He laughed when he saw the size of your bag and a very out of breath you.

"You know, if you didn't have so many outfits, it would be easier," he said as he let you in and you glowered at him,

"Babe, you have a different outfit for every night. Thing is, you don't have to carry them around. I do," you huffed as you sat down on his bed.

"Many apologies, love" he chuckled as you glared at him. Pretending to be mad, you went on your phone and your heart dropped slightly when you saw a new flood of messages had come in on your social media. You didn't have the heart to look at them now, knowing a lot of them would be negative. You had hoped that the messages would have died down a bit by now but they seemed to be getting worse. Harry looked over at you and noticed you had gone a bit quiet.

"You ok love?" he asked and you nodded, faking a smile. You really didn't want him to know about this because you knew he would blame himself for it and you didn't want him to think you couldn't handle it on your own.

"Yeah course," you smiled and he seemed satisfied with that. You would tell him, at some point, when things settled down a bit and the relationship wasn't so new.

"Come on then love, onto the next place,"

one month later

It was the last night of the tour, and tears were running down your face as you heard Harry performing his last song. You were so proud of him and everything he had achieved, but you were also sad it was over. It had been such an incredible time and so much had happened including you and Harry finally getting together. At that moment he ran backstage and you laughed happily through the tears as he swept you up and kissed you passionately. You could feel some tears in his eyes too, and you wrapped your arms around him as he twirled you around.

"I'm so proud of you H!" you gushed when you finally broke apart.

"Couldn't have done it without you," he grinned up at you and your heart almost exploded out of love for him. It was in these moments you couldn't understand how you got so lucky with him and couldn't ever see this happiness ending.

"You ready to go home now?" he whispered, leaning his forehead against yours. You nodded, even though you would miss the excitement of the tour, you were very tired now and were quite looking forward to settling back into life at home.

That night, everyone went out for a massive celebration. You spent most of your time with Elise and Olivia and a couple other members of the crew as they all came from different places, so you wouldn't be seeing each other for a while after this. Harry sat in the corner with Mitch, eyeing you up on the dance floor. The way you were dancing was setting him off slightly, and he wanted nothing more than to run his hands all over you. However, you were in an extremely public place and therefore him doing that would probably not end well for either of you. He was convinced, however, that you were teasing him on purpose. You had picked a spot where he could see you perfectly and the way you were moving your hips was almost torture for him.

You looked incredible in the outfit you were wearing, your sequined trousers matching perfectly with the black bralette you had on. It exposed just the right amount of skin to get Harry excited. Mitch nudged him sharply at this point and gave him a look, and Harry forced his gaze off you. He wasn't too sure how much longer he could last. He had been nursing a semi for the last hour and he was desperate to relieve himself. He excused himself from the conversation and marched across the club into the bathroom where he leaned against the back of the door, cursing himself for getting so worked up because of you. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door.

"Occupied," he called quickly.

"It's me H," your sweet voice called and he couldn't have unlocked the door quicker.

"You alright baby?" you questioned innocently battering your eyelids at him and he scoffed.

"You know what you're doing, you little minx," he glowered and you shrugged.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you said and at this Harry growled and attacked your lips with his. Roughly kissing you, he pushed you up against the door and ran his hand down between your thighs. You moaned into his mouth as he cupped you, pressing his finger harshly on your clit and rubbing it slightly. This was a very different side to Harry, a side you hadn't really experienced yet but you liked it. You didn't realise your seductive dance moves would have made him this desperate. You could feel him getting harder in his pants and knew you needed to get back to the hotel quickly.

"Let's go H," you gasped as you pulled back from him, very much out of breath. He nodded and you unlocked the door, smoothing out your trousers as you went.

"Go wait by the exit, baby," he muttered to you. "I'll get your coat."

You smirked as he sauntered away, Mitch giving him a look as he went to get your blazer and Sarah winking at you. You blushed, glad the lights were so dark that you wouldn't be seen easily. Suddenly you became aware of two girls talking near to you.

"Is that the girl Harry Styles is dating?" one whispered to the other and you pretended to not hear even though you were eavesdropping.

"I think so. She's not that pretty is she?" the other one replied and your stomach dropped.

"Nah not really. Dunno what Harry see's in her. Not sure she's his type especially when you consider all the other women he's dated," the other one agreed as they walked off to the bar. Your eyes pricked with tears as you felt all your insecurities come crashing down on you. You knew Harry had been with very beautiful women before but he always treated you like you were the most gorgeous woman he knew. Now you questioned whether any of that was really true. Compared to Harry's exes, you felt pretty mediocre in comparison.

This was not the first time you had heard comments of this nature either. The majority of hate comments you received were about your appearance and most of them also insinuated that because of your looks, you didn't deserve Harry. Although you had tried to not let them get to you, reminding yourself that the majority of Harry's fans were lovely and had shown you so much kindness over the years, you couldn't help but lets these negative comments weigh you down. You had become a bit more insecure around Harry, especially in more intimate moments. It didn't help that you and Harry still hadn't labelled your relationship and sometimes you wondered whether he was holding back because of what you looked like or because of your personality. You knew you shouldn't let these thoughts get to you but you couldn't help it sometimes and hearing something like that sent your heart plummeting to the floor, terrified Harry might one day share the same views those girls did.

You quickly turned on your heel and legged it to the girl's bathroom. Tears were starting to fall down your face and you wanted to hide from the world forever. You ran into the toilets and slammed the door shut, locking it so no one would disturb your pity party.

As you cried, you could feel your phone buzzing in your pocket, probably Harry wondering where you'd gone. You didn't have the heart to answer it, embarrassed that the two girls had upset you so much. You stayed in the cubicle for about 20 minutes, trying to talk yourself out of your state, but it was no use. Every time you nearly calmed down, your phone would ring and remind you of Harry and your relationship and you would start crying again. Eventually, you realised you just needed to leave the club and go home to help yourself calm down. Slowly unlocking the door, you went up to the sink and took in your appearance. You were a mess. Mascara had run all down your cheeks, which were red and splotchy from crying. Your eyes were red, and your hair was tangled from when you ran your hands through it in despair. You sighed, realising you were going to have to try and fix it so people wouldn't notice how upset you were. Grabbing a towel from the corner of the bathroom you scrubbed the majority of your makeup off so the mascara wasn't all over your face anymore. You ran your hands through your hair to straighten it out and took a couple of deep breaths to calm yourself. You tentatively pushed open the door, poking your head out to assess your surroundings. The corridor leading to the club was quiet so you quickly ran down it, ducking your head slightly in case anyone came down the hall and recognised you. You pushed through the doors that led into the club and immediately crashed into Harry's chest.

"Jesus fuck Y/N!" he cried as you slammed into him. You pushed back quickly, apologies tumbling out of your mouth.

"Shit H, I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention, are you ok? are you..." you questioned rapidly before Harry interrupted you.

"Woah, Woah, slow down Y/N, what's wrong baby?" he asked clearly seeing you were distressed about something.

"It's nothing, just not feeling very well," you lied, staring at the floor so you wouldn't have to meet Harry's eyes.

"Uh, ok, do you wanna go home? I can go get the car," he asked placing a hand on your shoulder and rubbing it affectionately.

"No, no, don't worry, you stay and have fun, I'll go back myself," you tried to reason with him, not wanting to ruin what was supposed to be a great night for him.

"Y/N, what's going on?" he sighed, knowing you weren't being fully truthful with him.

"Harry, it's fine, I'll be fine. Go have fun," you insisted, using his full name to let him know you were serious.

"No. Not until you tell me what's up," he argued back and this time you looked up at him and he was shocked to see tears swimming in your eyes.

"Please H," you whispered, trying to hold back the tears.

"Oh god Y/N, what happened?" he gasped as he saw how upset you were. You just shook your head in response, having lost the will to hold back your emotions.

"Come on love, I'm taking you home," he told you as he gently took your smaller hand in his larger one and led you towards the cloakroom.

"Wait H!" you tried as he asked an employee of the club where the coats were. He whirled around to face you.

"This is your big night. You should be celebrating and I really don't want to pull you away from it. Please stay and have fun, I promise I'll be ok going back on my own," you pleaded, feeling awful that you were dragging him away.

"Y/N, you are more important than any party I will ever go to," he implored, placing both hands on your shoulders so you would look at him. "Plus, I wanted to go home anyway. I'm tired and I want to cuddle my girl," he said softly to you and you couldn't help the small smile that crept onto your face when he said that.

"Ok, if you're sure," you conceded and he nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead before turning back around and grabbing your coats. Harry reached down and took your hand, taking you towards the car at the back of the club. You kept your eyes trained on the floor, scared that people would be staring at you if you looked up and followed Harry out of the club. You knew you were going to have to tell him what was upsetting you and you knew it was going to be a difficult conversation but you might as well come out with it now.

Once you reached the car, Harry pulled open the door for you and you slid across the seats. Harry joined you, slamming the door shut and you quickly sped away. As you drove, Harry turned to you expectantly.

"What's up love?" he inquired gently and you shook your head.

"Um, d'you think we could wait until we get back?" you asked timidly and Harry nodded.

"Course we can," he said as he placed his hand on your knee and pulled you in closer to him. You snuggled into his side for the rest of the journey, already feeling a lot calmer than before. When you reached the hotel, he continued to hold you tight to him as you made your way up to the room.

He unlocked the door and you shuffled in after him, heart pounding as you tried to figure out how you were going to explain this to him. You slowly pulled your blazer off, shivering slightly from the cool air in the room. Harry noticed and grabbed one of his sweaters for you, which you slipped over your bralette. His scent overwhelmed you and your beating heart slowed slightly, the smell from his jumper calming you. You tentatively walked over to the bed and sat on the edge as Harry shuffled around the room trying to find something. Eventually, he picked up the hotel menu and grabbed the telephone. You frowned, slightly confused as to what he was doing.

"Hi there, are you still open for orders?" he asked politely and smiled when whoever was on the other end of the line said they still were.

"Ok, could I order two peppermint tea's please?" and your heart melted at that moment. Harry knew how much you loved peppermint tea and how it always helped you calm down.

"Alright, thank you," he said as he hung up and moved across the bedroom to sit on the bed against the headboard. He gestured for you to come sit between his legs, with your back resting on his chest. You did just that, knowing it would be easier to talk to him if you didn't have to look him in the eyes. As you settled against him, he looped his arms around your waist and pressed a kiss to the side of your head. You breathed out a breath you didn't realise you had been holding and relaxed against him. As Harry realised you were a lot calmer now, he tried you again.

"Ok baby, what's up," he questioned.

"It's quite a long story. I'm not sure how to tell it really," you replied, honestly wondering how you were going to explain it all. He squeezed your hand in response.

"That's ok, why don't we just go over what happened at the club first?" he suggested and you shook your head.

"I feel like you need the context. Do you mind if I just ramble for a bit?"

"Go ahead baby," he encouraged and you took a deep breath before beginning.

"It all really started when that photo came out. The one of us kissing outside the club on Halloween. When people put two and two together and realised it was me, well I received a lot more attention, especially online than I expected. And I can't say all of it has been good. It's been really negative H," you choked out, tears beginning to roll down your face and he held you tighter against him.

"Oh Y/N, I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve any of that," he apologised.

"Please don't apologise, it's not your fault," you pleaded. The main reason you hadn't told Harry about any of this was that you really didn't want him to put the blame on himself which you knew he would.

"Ok, it's ok my love," he whispered in your ear as the tears continued to fall.

"I thought it would stop after a while or at least there would be fewer comments but it's so persistent. It just hasn't stopped and I don't know how to deal with it," you sobbed. "And then at the club, I overheard these two girls talking and they were really horrible about my appearance, and I know I'm not the prettiest girl you've been with but I just couldn't help getting upset,"

"Woah Woah Y/N, don't say that," Harry exclaimed, upset at how you perceived yourself.

"Y/N you are literally the most beautiful girl I have ever met. I am constantly astounded that someone like you is with me. Everything about you is utterly gorgeous, you completely take my breath away," he professed and your heart started racing again, but for a very different reason this time.

"I wish you saw yourself the way I see you," he muttered quietly and you turned around to face him.

"I don't deserve you," you whispered and he shook his head.

"You deserve the world Y/N" he replied. "And I promise I will fix this. We can make some changes to your social media so you see less of these comments or messages, I'll put out a statement or something similar telling people to leave you alone," he offered but you shook your head.

"You don't need to make a statement, it's not worth the hassle," you sighed.

"Y/N I don't care. I would do anything to make sure you're not upset," he insisted.

"Thank you, H, but seriously, you don't have to go that far. I appreciate you just being here for me, it means everything to me," you said, pressing a kiss to his lips which he deepened before pulling away and resting his forehead on yours.

"Seriously Y/N, you are very beautiful. No matter what anyone ever says I will always think that" he expressed and your heart swelled. Every time he said things like this you could feel yourself falling more and more for him.

You didn't know how to respond, so you kissed him again, hoping your actions would show him how much he meant to you. He reached up to cup your cheeks and pull you into him more, so you were as close to him as physically possible. You pulled away from each other when you heard a knock on the door, probably your tea arriving.

"I'm with you Y/N," he whispered as he stopped you from moving to open the door. "Always."

-

The next day you returned back to LA, which despite it being December, was still weirdly very warm. As you began to settle back into your routine at home, you realised things were very different now from what they had been before you left. Even though before the tour, you would spend most of your days with Harry, for some reason it felt different now. You were now waking up beside him most days and falling asleep in his bed at night. You pretty much spent every hour of the day by each other's side and although it was nice at first, you could start to see the cracks beginning to show. You were bickering a lot more than usual and where it used to be playful it was now because you were genuinely annoyed with each other. You weren't getting any space from each other and one day it accumulated in your first massive argument, which had never happened to you before in the entire time you had known one another. And it was over a miscommunication on timings. However, it had blown out of proportion and the both of you had stormed off. While you eventually forgave each other and agreed to disagree, that's when everything began to go downhill.

You had noticed that over the course of the week, Harry had started to distance himself a little bit. However, you explained it as a busy schedule due to the rush to finish everything before the holidays and tried to ignore it. But it only began to get worse.

From that Saturday and into the next week, Harry went out every single night. When he used to bring you along, he didn't even think to mention it to you before he had already left. You would then spend the evening in his large, cold, empty house, trying to distract yourself with whatever you could think of before he would come stumbling in at 3am, unbelievably drunk. The first couple of times it happened you ignored it and when he came home you would still slip into bed with him and he would hold you tight against his chest. However the fourth time it happened, on the following Tuesday, you really had become exasperated by it all. When he had called to say he was going out, you got angry and hung up on him and he hadn't bothered to call you back. You went back to your own place that night, inviting over your best friend and she sat with you as you sobbed into her arms, wondering what you had done wrong, why he was acting this way and if it would ever go back to the way it was.

The next morning he came to your door grovelling, with a bunch of flowers and your favourite breakfast and you forgave him, thinking maybe it had been a minor blip and he had realised what he had been doing. He had stayed in that night as well and you had spent the evening doing really wholesome things with him. You allowed yourself to hope that night, that things were sorting themselves out and Harry wouldn't act that way again.

The next morning, you and Harry went to a SoulCycle class together and were hounded relentlessly by the paparazzi when you came out. You weren't looking your best at that point either, having just come out of an hour of intense exercise. You both quickly legged it to the car, Harry shielding you the best he could from the onslaught of cameras.

Later that day, however, with the photos from that morning, a celebrity gossip website came out with an article about you that was really horrible. A lot of comments about your appearance arose from it and you felt so down for the rest of the day. As you headed to Harry's in the late afternoon, all you needed was a hug and maybe a word of support from him to make you feel a bit better.

You buzzed his doorbell to let you know you were here and his voice came through the intercom.

"Hello?" he asked

"It's Y/N," you said kind of confused why he didn't know it was you. You had agreed you would be over at 5 earlier that morning

"Oh ok. The door's open, let yourself in," he replied and you pushed open the big front door to an empty living room. You could hear music playing from upstairs and guessed he was in his room. When you walked into his room, he was standing by his closet, freshly showered with a towel hanging low on his hips.

"Your timing is impeccable," he smiled as you walked in. "I need help."

"What with babe?" you asked coming over to stand with him.

"Can't decide what outfit I should wear to this event tonight," he explained and your heart dropped. He was doing it again. Worse than that, you both planned to go out for dinner tonight at a nice restaurant down by the sea.

"You're going out tonight?"

"Shit yeah sorry love, it came up about an hour ago. You don't mind if we push our dinner to tomorrow night do you?" he wondered still focused on his clothing options to see how upset you were.

"No, it's fine," you swallowed even though you knew it wasn't. "Wear the white flares," you said pointing at them and he smiled.

"Perfect," he agreed and grabbed them to pull them off while you walked across the room to settle in the armchair and pulled your arms around your knees. You had had the worse day with the article and everything

"You alright love?" he asked as he pulled on his outfit, not even looking at you.

"Uh yeah, just a bit upset about an article that came out about me today. Wasn't very nice," you replied staring at the floor.

"Oh yeah, I saw that. Sorry about that love," he said absentmindedly as he pulled out some nail varnish from a drawer and sat down to paint his nails.

Your heart shattered when you realised he didn't even care. He hadn't even spared you a second glance. You pulled your knees even closer into your chest and tried to stop the oncoming tears from falling down your face.

"Right sorry love, I really have to dash. You're welcome to stay though, there's some leftover pasta in the fridge," he said as he pulled on his shoes.

"Ok," you breathed, not actually believing what was happening.

"See you," he said and he was gone. Not even a kiss or a hug goodbye. Nothing. When you heard the front door slam you began to sob, your whole body shaking. What happened to the promises he had made before, to always be there for you and to help you through the challenges of dating him in the public eye. You couldn't believe what was happening.

You cried for hours, unable to stop the wave of emotions that had hit you. Eventually, you calmed down a bit but the intense crying had exhausted you. You walked over to his closet, pulling out a jumper and some of his boxers. Changing out of your outfit you climbed into his bed, tightly wrapping the duvet around you before drifting off into a restless slumber.

At around 2am you were awoken to the sound of your phone ringing. Groggily you reached for it and answered.

"Hello," you croaked, voice still a bit hoarse from crying.

"Hi Y/N, sorry to wake you," you heard Jeff's voice on the other side of the phone and you sat up a bit straighter wondering what was happening.

"You ok?" you asked reaching to turn the bedside lamp on.

"Yeah I'm fine but I think you need to come get Harry," he explained and you rolled your eyes. This wasn't the first time you had to come pick up a very drunk Harry but after the way he acted today you were tempted to leave him.

"Right. Where are you?" you asked as you swung your legs out of the warm bed and began hunting for some joggers. Jeff gave you the address and you hung up before jogging downstairs to find the keys to Harry's car. At this point, you were absolutely fuming, but you knew you couldn't leave him out in LA in a vulnerable state.

Eventually, after driving for about 20 minutes, you pulled up around the back of the club and spotted Jeff sitting next to a very drunk Harry on the pavement. You sighed as you got out of the car and walked over to them.

"Oh Y/N, thank you so much for coming, I just didn't feel safe sending him home in a taxi," Jeff explained as he looped his arm under Harry's to try and lift him up. You saw he was struggling and grabbed his other arm and pulled him up.

"It's ok. What happened?" you asked wondering how he'd got into such a state.

"I have no idea. One minute he was completely fine and the next he was hammered. He's been doing that a lot recently," Jeff added and your heart sunk. Harry never really drank like this unless something was bothering him and you feared it had something to do with you.

You and Jeff hauled Harry to the car and managed to get him into the back seats so he was lying across them. The whole time he was mumbling incoherently but you ignored him and slammed the car door shut.

"Genuinely thanks for this Y/N," Jeff said as he hugged you. "Also I just wanted to check you're ok, I saw the article today and that can't have been nice at all," he sympathised and you smiled at him, very grateful that someone had noticed and checked on you even if it wasn't the person you were going out with.

"That's very sweet of you to check, but I'm ok. Getting used to it more now," you responded chuckling dryly.

"If you need anything though, please know I'm always here for a chat yeah," Jeff offered and you grinned.

"Thank you so much, Jeff. That means a lot," you expressed as you opened the door for the front seat.

"That's alright. Good luck," he chuckled gesturing to the darkened windows of the back seat. You rolled your eyes before jumping into the driver's seat and setting off.

Along the way, you noticed Harry had completely passed out in the back seat and you sighed, realising it would be a challenge to get him into bed. Eventually, you pulled up at the front of the house and turned off the ignition. You turned around to see Harry still out cold and you groaned. He wasn't a light man by any means and at this point, you genuinely considered just leaving him in the car.

You hopped out and went round to the door that was next to Harry's head, pulling it open. You shook his shoulder and his eyes fluttered open. A wide smile grew on his face when he saw you.

"Y/N!!!" he exclaimed and you stared back blankly at him.

"Could you get out?" you asked bluntly and he quickly swung himself upwards, groaning when he moved too quickly.

"Think so," he mumbled and he sort of slid out/fell out of the car. You quickly stuck out your arms to stable him and he managed to stand up straight.

"Thanks," he murmured and you ignored him as you shut the car door and locked it. You helped him walk up to the house but luckily the small nap he had had in the back of the car seemed to have sobered him up slightly and you made it through the front door and into the living room where you placed him on the couch and went to lock the front door before going into the kitchen to get him some water.

As you were filling up a glass with water you felt his arms snake around your waist. Tears pricked your eyes when he began to kiss down your neck and you realised what he wanted. You turned in his arms and placed a hand on his chest, pushing him away slightly.

"Not tonight," you said firmly and he pouted.

"Boring," he mumbled as he walked away and you clenched your fists in anger.

"What did you just say to me?" you snapped and he turned around and just shrugged in response.

"Just go to bed H," you sighed turning back around, knowing there was no use in arguing with him right now. You were unbelievably angry that he thought he could treat you the way he had treated you for the last week or so, then go out and get drunk and get you to go get him and then come back and expect sex. You knew you just couldn't continue on like this for much longer but your heart broke at the idea of breaking up with him. You knew that if you did that you risked losing him entirely and even though you were furious with him right now, he had been your best friend for 5 years. You heard him stumbling up the stairs behind you and you placed the glass of water down and gripped the sink, breathing heavily.

You had no idea what to do

part 4!

-

uh oh! trouble in paradise! sorry this took so long to write guys but it's quite a long part. hopefully I should be able to do the next part quicker. hope you enjoyed it :)

sloane xx

#harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles and reader #harry styles request #harry styles reader insert #long reads #harry styles smut #harry styles angst

[cinemastyles-backup]

Still the One Part 2

Summary: Y/N and Harry spend the day in the hotel, reminiscing on the stuff that they did and didn't get to do prior to y/n leaving.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, unprotected sex, some fluff, oral, fingering, hair pulling, shower sex, general filth

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

I roll over and let out a sigh.

"Good morning." Harry whispers as he tucks hair behind my ear, "How'd you sleep?"

I open my eyes and smile, "Great actually, you?"

He smiles and leans over and kisses my head, "I kept waking up to make sure this wasn't all just a dream and that you were still here."

"I'm still here." I reach out and gently trace his tattoos on his arm, "I don't think I can leave you again."

He turns his head and nods, "I don't think I could handle it now." He looks back at me, "Since I'm not a dumb kid anymore."

I nod and his words get me thinking, "Oh my gosh, Harry."

He stands up and walks over to get coffee, "What?" He pours two cups and walks back over.

"Do you remember.." I take the cup, "Thank you." He sits back down and covers up.

"Do you remember that time we went to that music store?" I smile and sip my coffee, watching as he thinks back.

A smile grows on his face, "The pink guitar."

"The pink guitar." I smile, "I remember telling you I wanted to learn how to play so you tried to teach me right then and there, but I just couldn't take you serious with the guitar from Barbie's dream house." I laugh and shake my head, "I still never learned how to play."

"We'll have to change that." He smiles and tilts his head back, "What about the time where we were walking, I forget to where, but that bird flew down at you." His shuts his eyes as he laughs, "I thought you were going to have a heart attack."

I lean over and hit his chest gently, "Stop it! I can't go to the beach without being afraid of those damn birds." We laugh and I snap my fingers and point, "Oh!"

"Oh gosh." He smiles and watches me talk, "Did your mom ever find out about you reading Fifty Shades?"

He shrugs, "Probably." He laughs, "Actually, I don't know, she never said anything to me."

I shake my head and lean against the headboard, "Our video chats for the first few months." I let out a sigh, "They were so much fun."

He nods and smiles, "And I wore that ridiculous Santa hat that you mailed to me." He rolls his eyes and smirks, "I still have it."

"You do?"

He nods, "Of course I do."

I smile, "I, Um. I still have that paper you mailed to me. The one where you drew two hearts with arrows and put our initials in them."

He shakes his head and smiles, "I can't believe it's been so long. I can't believe I found you." He sets his cup down and turns towards me, "I wish I found you sooner."

I set my cup down and move closer to him, "I know. But.. we found each other now, and no one is taking me away from you this time."

I lean up and gently kiss his lips. He smiles, "I'll put up a fight this time."

After talking for a while about the memories we have together from the first time we were together, I lay a hand on his cheek and slowly run it through his hair.

He closes his eyes and I study his face, engraving all the new details into my brain.

"You know.." he keeps his eyes closed.

"What, Harry?" I whisper smiling slightly.

"We talked about the stuff we did, but what about the stuff we didn't do?" He opens his eyes and gives me a  smirk.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

He lays an arm over my hips and moves closer to me, "Oh you know." His hand slides down my naked thigh, "the concerts.." his hand slips between my legs and I moan lowly as he circles my clit, "The movies.."

I close my eyes and nod, "Mm, you're r-right."

He leans in and kisses me as his fingers slide up and down between my folds, "Fuck you're so wet." He whispers lowly.

I grab his neck and moan into his mouth as he slips two fingers in. He kisses down my neck slowly, "I want to fuck you so bad."

I gasp at his words and turn my head to face him, "Please Harry."

"I will, I'm just enjoying every single inch of your body against mine. It's been too long." He kisses over my shoulder, "I can't get enough of you."

He pulls his fingers out and looks at me, "Want to try something new?"

I tilt my head, "What?"

He rolls onto his back and pushes his boxers down, "Sit on my face facing-" he points forward the door, "That way."

I sit up, the blankets fall down to reveal my still naked body from last night, "Okay." I smirk picking up what he's saying.

He moves around and gets comfortable, "You know what I mean?" He smirks at me. I nod and position myself over his face, "I know exactly what you me-"

I gasp as Harry sinks his tongue into me. His hands reach up and grab my hips, pulling me down on him more.

I let out a loud moan and slowly lean forward, "Fuck." I moan before I take his cock in my hand. I moan as I start to suck on the tip, slowly working my way down.

He moans against me as I moan on him. I move my hips down slightly as I can feel myself coming to orgasm, "Fuck." I pop off and moan, "Shit."

I take his cock between my lips and my eyes roll back as a tingle of pleasure rolls through my body.

I bob my head up and down, my saliva making squelching noises as I use him to fuck my mouth.

He pulls his head away and lets out a loud moan, "Fuck, fuck." His finger tips dig into my skin and I feel his cum shoot down my throat.

He moans as I slowly pull off of him and I roll off, "How was that?" I ask with a smile.

"Really, really fucking good, y/n." His chest is rising and falling quickly. I lay a hand on his leg, "I'm going to go for a shower so.." I get up and take a few steps away from the bed before I turn around. His eyes are still on me, "Feel free to join me."

He sits up and smiles, "I'll be there in a few." He winks and I walk into the bathroom. I tuen the hot water on and wait for it to get hot before stepping in.

I let the water run down over me and I can hear Harry walk in.

"Knock knock." Harry says sliding the shower door open, "Can I come in?" He asks as he steps in. I laugh and pull him to me. His arms go around me and he smiles, "Hi."

I smile, "Hi."

He leans in and kisses me before leaning back, "Young Harry wouldn't believe this."

"That we found each other again?" I laugh slightly. He smiles, "I was going to say that we're naked in the shower with our dream girl, but that works, too ."

I shake my head, "No, you're right. Young y/n would be embarrassed by the thought of this. So I guess we did grow up."

He smiles and leans down to kiss me again, "I love you."

I wrap my arms around his waist, "I love you."

He drags his hand up and down my back as we stand under the hot water.

"Uh oh." I look up at him, "Someone is ready for round two."

Harry chuckles, "Only if you are, love."

I nod, "Oh yeah." He pushes my back against the shower wall and we start to make out.

He turns me around and grips my hips. I rest my head against the wall as he rubs my pussy with his cock.

I tilt my head back as he slides in, my moans sounding louder and more powerful as they bounce off the shower walls.

"Fuck." He groans as he slowly starts to thrust.

I push my hips back more, moaning with each of his thrusts, "Harry."

"You sound so beautiful." He moans gripping my hips tighter, "I love it."

His thrust get harder and he grunts, "y/n, fuck." I moan and slide my hands down the wall, "H-Harry." He pulls out and spins me around. He lifts my one leg up and  holds the outside of my thigh.

He slips back in and his other hand grabs my ass, "You're so beautiful." He smiles before he closes his eyes and moans.

I bite my lip and watch him in awe as his face twitches with pleasure. I dig my nails into his shoulder and moan as my eyes roll back.

My lips part and I let out a gasp as I can feel myself getting closer, "I'm gonna cum." I pant, "Fuck."

He nods and kisses me with passion. His finger tips press into my thigh as he fucks me to my orgasm, "Fuck fuck." I arch my back off the wall and clench around him, "Harry." I whisper almost breathless.

He continues to thrust then pulls out, pumping his cock into the stream of water as he still holds my leg up.

I lay my head back and close my eyes. He gently sets my leg down and places his hands on my hips, "If it gets to be too much, we can always just chill out for a little while."

I shake my head, "I'm good. We have a lot of catching up to do, my love."

He smiles and wraps his arms around me, "That we do."

——

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[harry-styles-obsessed]

Hero

Warnings mature: mention of abuse, harm, guilt, lots of fluff at the end, gore, manipulation- please don't read if any of these things are sensitive to you. Thank you(:

A/N: this was fairly hard for me to write such “abusive” topics. It’s not for those sensitive so please do not read if sensitive to any abusive scenarios. This was requested but requester preferred to remain anonymous.

©️please do not copy or translate my work.

-

"Jack, please, for the love of god me and Harry are just friends!"

Your voice trembled ever so slightly as you stare at the man in front of you, his jaw clenched, his hands curled into fists and his eyes practically black... wait- no. They were jet black. This was the Jack that terrified you. When you first met him which was over two years ago he was such a sweetheart, a loving charming man but then something switched within him and he turned into this angry beast of a man who hated anyone you got close to, even women... he despised it and what frightened you most was the fact that you knew he was starting to hate you.

"How many times?" He spat out and you stared at him shocked, your brows raising "excuse me?" You asked in complete shock. "I asked how many times!" He raised his voice getting closer and closer to you backing you up into the wall and you let out a shaky breath "how many fucking times did you sleep with Harry?" He asked and you blinked, confused "what- wait- I never slept with him he's just my friend! I promise!" You exclaimed practically begging him to believe you, his nostrils flared as he glared down at you, his breathing quickening as he seemingly resisted the urge to slap you. "I'm not a fool y/n.... So you either get fucking rid of him or I'll make you regret it. You have an hour to sort this bullshit out." he said before he brought his hand back and in one swift moment slapped you right across the cheek.

Your hand desperately cradled your burning cheek as you stared at him utterly confused at his outburst, watching as he walked away moving into the living room, the slap stung slightly but he had done much worse. You stood there for a couple of moments, words unable to find there way out of your mouth as you stood and stared. As the stinging faded you let out a shaky breath before making your way upstairs, pausing just on the third step, hearing the sound of a beer being opened. Great. You ignored it though moving upstairs as you pulled your phone out of your pocket, sitting down on your bed as you sighed softly, staring straight at Harry's contact. You didn't want to get rid of him but if you didn't you'd get hurt... you didn't want to pick Jack over him but you were scared what Jack would do to you and even Harry himself.

You took a deep breath pressing the FaceTime icon at the top of the screen and within a few seconds Harry had answered, he was sat in his car, hair messy and AirPods resting in his ears "hey stranger" he said with a beaming smile which you wished to return but you felt miserable. "hi H" you said softly, a weak smile tugging at your lips "what's wrong?" Harry asked almost instantly sensing something was wrong "um..." you cleared your throat letting out a little sigh "did j-" he started but the camera went spiralling as a few cuss words were heard from Harry's end, "oops- fuck, shit, bloody hell. Im so sorry y/n, just dropped you" he said as a soft laugh fell from your lips as you smiled, as he picked his phone back up, focusing the phone back on himself he was smiling but still looked just as concerned "sorry, continue what you were saying" he said with a little grin and you smiled "no no you were saying something," you urged and he shook his head "it really doesn't matter seems like you're in a rush anyways so you go first" he assured,

A small grateful smile formed on your face as you sighed "well, uh, you see um... I- I don't know how to tell you..." you said nervously and he studied your expression his brows knitting together "did Jack do something to you?" He suddenly asked his expression contorting into a protective anger, Harry had always despised Jack- he knew something was off with him from the get-go and you knew Harry didn't like him but you wanted to believe Jack would get better with treating you with respect but that "respectfulness" declined and declined faster than anything. A shaky sigh escaped your lips "no... no... of course not" you smiled but the look on Harry's face told you he didn't believe you "do you need me to come over? I've got no plans... I can come over and spend some time with you?" He offered 'yes' your brain immediately fought to get the first word but your heart immediately spoke "no no... it's okay- honestly. I'm okay. I promise." You said with a soft laugh acting as okay as possible but Harry wasn't stupid he could see right through you.

"Y/n you don't need to lie" he whispered to you, his tone quiet on the phone and you gazed at him, your eyes clouding over with fear and you blinked a few times "I-I'm okay. Jack just-" You said glancing up quickly as you heard a creek having to do a double take as you saw Jack standing there his hands clenched into fists and your eyes widened in fear and without any hesitation you hung up on Harry "babe-" he cut you off "don't you dare babe me you fucking bitch. Did you tell him? Did you tell him to leave you the hell alone huh? Or did you tell him something else?" He asked and you stared at him shocked "I-I-" "I- I- nothing y/n!! I gave you an hour you fucking whore." He yelled his tone aggressive and angry and as he practically ran at you, you clambered off of the bed "Jack calm down okay? I promise I didn't say anything to him" you said and he let out a laugh "don't act like I didn't hear that... are you stupid?" He grabbed your phone out of your hands throwing it down on the ground before he stomped on it, his fist flying towards you and you squeezed your eyes shut tightly, feeling the vibration from the wall as he punched a hole into the wall just beside your head "I told you if you didn't end things with him then you'd regret it! Didn't I you stupid bitch" he spat out, your voice silent as you stared at him, you wanted to stick up for yourself but you were unable to your breathing heavy and uneven.

"I don't want to hurt you y/n! I want to love you! But you're letting this prick Harry get in the middle of us!" He screamed, seemingly having a massive tantrum right in front of you, his tantrum turning into a fit of rage as he began throwing things around the room, making holes in every wall possible, "HARRY IS MY FRIEND" you screamed having enough of his bullshit- you were fed up to the back teeth of his childish behaviour. Your yelling made him freeze, his hands dropping to his side as he looked like a deranged animal with rabies, practically foaming at the mouth with anger his eyes a terrifying colour.... He took slow steps towards you "please just stop. You're scaring me" You said more calmly and he stopped just in front of you staring into your eyes before he smiled, his face soft and loving but his eyes were a raging ocean "I love you" he whispered his hands gently cupping your face as he smiled pulling you close to him as he pressed a kiss to your lips "oh I love you" he said wrapping his arms around you swaying you back and forth in his arms "I'm sorry for scaring you" he whispered into your ear pressing a delicate kiss to your temple.

"You're so beautiful... so gorgeous... and you know what else?" You looked up into his eyes watching smiling softly, the darkness returning to his eyes making your skin crawl "and a dumb fucking bitch." He spat out, his fingers curling into your hair as he threw you down onto your ground and as you tried to fight back- getting onto your knees, he kicked your back forcing you to fall down your face hitting the floor harshly as his foot began repeatedly kicking at your stomach each kick becoming less and less painful, oxygen burning to find a way into your lungs, words of anger left his mouth as he used you as his kicking bag every little movement from you earning a kick in the face as you begged him to stop your begging soon dying down as you began to whimper in agony "I loved you! You wasted it all on him you slag" he said and as you felt like you were floating into an unconscious state, the kicking stopped and you forced your eyes open watching as a blurry figure began to beat the living shit out of Jack.

Harry tapped Jack on the shoulder and as the shorter male turned around stopping his abuse, Harry's hand adorned with rings swung to punch Jack right in the face, the rings leaving marks on his cheeks as Harry stared at Jack emotionless. He was pissed. In a rage. He wouldn't let Jack get away with this. Jack attempted to punch Harry but Harry grabbed a hold of his wrist, twisting it in an agonisingly painful way, before Harry swiped his foot under jacks forcing him to fall to the floor,  a cry of pain falling from the males mouth. "Shut the hell up" he said before he knelt down grabbing a hold of jacks hair pulling him up forcing him to stand back up "oh they're gonna enjoy you in prison" Harry said and before Jack could even respond Harry had shoved him back down onto the door, his foot then mercilessly kicking at jacks body, before Harry stood over Jack kneeling down onto one knees, his hand wrapping around jacks throat as he began choking him making it impossible for him to breathe as Jack gaped and gasped for breath scratching his nails into Harry's tattooed arm to try and break himself free "are you going to do this again?" Harry asked painfully slowly making Jack gasp as he wriggled "are you?!" Harry yelled in his face making Jack shake his head repeatedly "no! No! I-I-I promise" he said and Harry kept his hand around jacks throat before letting go and grabbing a fistful of his shirt before using his free hand to punch Jack in the face. Over. And over. And over again until blood pooled out of his nose, in those moments harry didn't care, even if he himself went to prison he wouldn't care. "You sorry bastard." He spat out before continuing to reign punches down onto his face.

Your vision remained blurry as a dark tall figure stood up straight before he got closer and closer to you "y/n? Hey you with me?" His voice was oh so familiar "harry" you whispered weakly and he nodded "that's me." He said and without even saying anything you threw your arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly "careful" he urged in a loving tone and you looked into his eyes letting out a shaky breath as the tears began flowing "I'm so sorry... I-I you're gonna go to prison.. I-I cant lose you.... Harry please" you sobbed out and Harry looked into your eyes before he took your face into his hands, a slight flinch coming from you as you were afraid but he gently rubbed his thumbs against your cheeks assuring you that you were okay "if I go to prison that's okay..." he whispered and you frowned "why? Why is it okay? Nothings okay" you whispered tears falling continuously and he made you look into your eyes "because you're okay." He said, a confused expression forming on your face "I don't care whether I go to prison because you're safe... you're alive and that means it's all worth it." He said and you looked at him your expression soft and he pressed a kiss to your forehead

"It was all worth it y/n."

You loved him so Incredibly much and wanted nothing more than for him to stay with you forever he was your safe haven. He held your face in his hands "you're safe with me okay? You've got no reason to be sorry. I promise I'll take care of you." He said keeping an arm around you as he took his phone out calling 999 and before he could even press dial Jack began trying to get up to make an escape, and Harry's tall frame immediately stood up "stay the hell down you sorry fuck." He demanded and without even having to say anything more Jack looked at him with a scared look before falling back to the floor almost dramatically,

Harry then crouched down beside you once again, his arm encircling around you as he pulled you close, his fingers rubbing up and down your back as he explained to the 999 dispatcher what had happened and within minutes a police car had arrived, two officers getting Harry's statement and then yours before they arrested Jack the asshole being removed from the room "would you like us to call an ambulance?" The officer asked and you immediately shook your head, Harry beginning to disagree with you but you shot him a pleasing look and he simply fell silent "no thank you, officer. Thank you for your time." He said holding you close and as the front door slammed shut Harry slowly turned to look at you "you're injured darling, you need an ambulance." He said softly and you shook your head "please harry... I just need to clean myself up and then we can see what my injuries look like from there on okay?" You said softly and he nodded "okay."

"Careful easy does it" he murmured helping you stand holding onto your hands tightly before his arm encircled around your waist "I-I really don't want to clean myself in here... please can we go to your place?" You asked almost afraid he would say no and as he looked into your eyes his expression softened as he simply smiled "of course we can." He said and you smiled gratefully. You knew it would be painful to go downstairs and Harry knew that too and without even asking him whether he'd happily carry you, he simply and carefully picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carefully made his way downstairs making sure each step was trodden on carefully so you wouldn't feel any pain. He cared so deeply about you and wanted you to be okay.

~

The drive to Harry's house was quiet, Harry's jaw clenched, his eyes flicking towards you ever so slightly every now and then almost making sure you were okay. He had noticed how your head was lulling back and forth, he knew you couldn't sleep without sound and so he very subtly turned the radio on "get some rest darling, I'll wake you when we're there." He said and almost as if you needed his permission to fall asleep your head fell gently onto the window, the coolness cooling your skin as you fell into a deep yet peaceful sleep.

What felt like seconds later a gentle hand shook your shoulder as you fluttered your eyes open gazing at Harry "we're here..." he said softly and you let out a little groan, your body stiff and achy as you tried to undo your seatbelt, your arms being so tired and Harry noticed that, and instead of making you feel bad about it he simply unbuckled you before making his way round to the passenger side of the car, pulling the door open as he leant down hooking his hands under your arms as he carefully pulled you out, wrapping your arm gently around his shoulders as he began helping you into the house.

As you got into his bathroom he helped you sit on the toilet seat "would you like a bath?" He asked softly and you looked at him tiredly "I... I..." you wanted to of course you did but you knew he'd see you naked as there was no way you'd get in and out of the bath by yourself "there's no pressure sweetheart... only if you want" he said gently his hand assuringly rubbing against your arm "if you don't mind" you said softly and he smiled "of course I don't mind" he said before standing up as he turned the hot and cold taps on before picking up two bottles of bubble bath as he smiled at you "lavender or marshmallows?" He asked and you smiled pointing at the lavender one and he smiled "good choice" he then unscrewed the cap before pouring the silky liquid into the bath before lowering his hand into the water and circulating all the water around creating mass amounts of bubbles and once the bath was at a warm temperature and at the right level he turned the taps off and turned to look at you struggling to get your top off, his expression softening "do you want some help?" He asked softly and you looked at him scared worry he'd judge you, say something to make you feel worse but this was Harry... Harry was the man you'd trust with your whole being and slowly you nodded your head "please"

He then got closer to you "can you lift your arms for me?" He asked gently and you did, a dull ache in your bones but it was okay. He then lifted your T-shirt over your head discarding it onto the floor, "trousers too?" He asked and you were able to unbutton them but you struggled to pull them down and he noticed that, his hands gently tugging your trousers down and once they were off he must've sensed the insecurity pooling out of you the slight trembles of your hands and the slight shake in your breathing only convinced him more and his hands took yours as he gazed into your eyes "hey... this is a judgement free zone I assure you..." he said and you looked at him sadly "it's not you." You whispered and he nodded allowing you to continue your words "Jack, he would call me names... slut... slag... fat... bitch... everything a-and I- I think he cheated on me... he must've... I mean who wants a wasteful bitch like myself anyways" you said immediately earning a disapproving look from Harry "no. We don't talk about ourselves like that. You're not a bitch and you're not a waste. You're beautiful and any man would be lucky to have you." He said and tears soon began freely flowing down your cheeks "you don't understand H" you whispered and he looked into your eyes "what don't I understand?" He asked softly "I hate myself" you spat out a hurt expression forming on his face but he immediately pushed it away "well then... I'll make it my mission to make sure you'll find that love for yourself all over again."

"I won't look I promise." He said softly, helping you unclasp your bra, he stood behind you his eyes remaining on the clasps of your bra and nothing else and like he promised he didn't look, turning around to give you your privacy as you got into the bath, but after a second or two he heard a desperate sob falling from your lips "help me" you said softly feeling useless and he turned around his hands immediately holding onto your hips to keep you stable, he kept his eyes on your eyes not making you feel uncomfortable what so ever "I-I can't get in" you whispered and he smiled "I'll help you don't worry" he assured his arm securely wrapping around your stomach before he effortlessly lifted you up and into the bath, the warm water immediately sending tingles up and down your spine, his hands holding onto yours as he helped you sit down "easy does it... well done... good girl." He praised with a soft loving smile.

You sunk into the warmth of the water fluttering your eyes shut as he drowned a flannel in warm bubbly water before lifting it out before wringing out the access water before he knelt down onto his knees resting his forearm against the edge of the bathtub, using one corner of the flannel to gently rub the blood from your face, his touch gentle and soft. Your vision was starting to get better, the fuzziness leaving as Harry became a lot more clear his soft comforting features bringing warmth to you as you knew you were safe. As you sat up ever so slightly he began to wash your back, you fluttered your eyes shut your breathing calm and soft as he continued cleaning you, washing your body for you giving you his undivided attention.

"Your cheek" you said, horrified, noticing the purple-ish bruise forming on his cheek "it's nothing don't worry" he said looking into your eyes, your wet hand gently reaching out cupping his cheek as you brushed your thumb against the bruise "I'm so sorry... I never meant for him to hurt you" you said softly and he smiled at you "I said it's okay. He's an unhinged crazy bastard. He isn't your problem anymore I promise." He said softly gazing into your eyes, oh how his lips looked so kissable.

~

He helped you stand out of the bath, opening a towel as he wrapped it around you and instead of letting go he simply held you to his chest, lifting you out of the bath until your feet hit the ground again, he held the towel at the back for you so it wouldn't fall down and as you took it holding it around yourself he let go "I'll go get you some clothes okay" he said softly and you nodded gratefully. After a second or two he came back with a pair of boxers and a baggy T-shirt of his "I'll leave you in here to get changed okay?" "No- please don't" you said softly and he looked at you "I don't want to be alone" you said and he smiled nodding his head "okay." He said softly. He kept his back turned to you as you put on his T-shirt and boxers and once you were decent he turned back round to you "you must be tired, yeah? A warm beds awaiting your arrival" he said with a soft smile before he wrapped his arm around your waist leading you to the bed, his king sized bed was comfy and warm... it was very comforting to be honest.

As you laid down he got in beside you, turning off the night light the light from the bathroom being the only light but you didn't mind. "If you need anything... let me know okay" he said softly, his breath fanning against your face as you nodded your head "okay, thank you Harry... seriously." You said gently and he smiled, even though the room was dark you were both still able to see one another "no problem... sleep well okay? I love you." He said and you gazed into his eyes "I love you too Harry." You said quietly but you meant it, and instead of either of you falling asleep or even moving you both got closer to each other "just hold me, please" you whispered and he happily obliged his arms wrapped securely around you, his forehead nestling against yours, your parted lips practically brushing against his, both your noses lightly brushing against each other and slowly but surely his lips sealed against yours, your eyes fluttering shut as your hand slid up to cup against his cheek, the kiss being gentle but passionate, soft but hungry. Tears of relief slowly slid down your cheeks as you continued to kiss him, his kisses soon moving up your cheek as he kissed away your tears "I love you so much so so much." You whispered and he smiled down at you "and I love you just as much my love." He said the pad of his thumb brushing against your skin slowly and gently "I love you more than life itself... I'll never stop loving you." He said and the more you stared into his eyes the more you fell in love.

"But as much as I love you.. you need to sleep... you need to rest. Okay? We can do whatever you want whenever you want but I just want you to heal okay?" He said quietly and you nodded snuggling further into him, your head resting against his chest as you listened to his heartbeat. His lips etching little kisses onto your forehead as he played with your hair ever so slightly, his fingers making patterns into your back as he kept you close your eyes fluttering shut as you fell into a deep peaceful sleep, the sound of his heartbeat and breathing lulling you into a perfect sleep... Harry was your hero... Harry was your second chance... Harry was a sense of hope.

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