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santacarlatourism · 1 year

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summer break for vigilantes - pt. 1, welcome to santa carla

This fic is also posted to my Ao3 Rating: Mature Pairing: Poly Lost Boys x (Nonbinary) Reader Chapter word Count: 2.6k Fic Warnings: Major (OC) character death, stalking, manipulation canon-typical depictions of violence, death, sex, drug use, etc. Reader is nonbinary but sometimes assumed as female by those who don’t know them. [Subject to updating/change] Summary: You: Sheltered high-school graduate who's moved several thousand miles to Santa Carla. Reason? One-part college, one-part freedom. Michelle: Your rebellious, impulsive, and passionate roommate, who your parents don't know you have. Eric: Michelle's boyfriend, who goes missing within the first week of your arrival in town. The murder capital of the world, as its known by the locals; Santa Carla's police department seems woefully either unequipped or unconcerned with the high rate of missing person's cases in town. So when your roommate's boyfriend goes missing in the weeks leading up to the Emerson's arrival, the two of you take matters into your own hands to try and piece together the mysterious circumstances under which he vanished. Along the way, you keep finding yourself in the path of a local biker gang that you want little to do with. [Next Part]

College, for Y/N, had represented a safe haven. A paradise of sorts that they spent their high school years diligently working towards. A combination of good grades and spotless behavior had reaped rewards: Y/N had been able to convince their parents to let them take advantage of a scholarship that allowed them to move away from small town, southern nowhere, to attend college in San Jose, California.

And sure, San Jose was a bit of a commute from the cheap apartment Y/N managed to acquire in Santa Carla, but the drive was under an hour and rent and gas were cheap enough at the time. And since they would only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it made everything rather tolerable.

The first day waking up in their apartment after their parents had gone home– Y/N’s first time waking up alone– was a bit nerve unsettling. They had never really lived alone before, even if it would only be for a few hours. They didn’t realize how late they’d woken up, but after the hassle of getting the key from the leasing office and moving their belongings inside the previous day, it made sense that they’d sleep in. It wasn’t every day that you moved for the first time in your life, after all.

Y/N sighed, stretching: their roommate was supposed to arrive sometime today, and so the place wouldn’t be empty for long. They hoped they would like Michelle for the whole semester as much as they had the first time the two met, and in the discreet phone conversations the two had had together. To back out of the lease would involve Y/N having to confess to their parents that they had gotten a roommate without telling them, and that would be a whole can of worms. But living alone as a college student was hard, Y/N had justified to themself. They had money saved up from working during high school and through the summers, and in the form of graduation gifts, but they knew that would go a lot further if they were only paying half the rent and utilities. Especially since they jumped on the opportunity to go on and move in June, rather than waiting till the start of school in September.

And besides, Michelle was cool. Michelle was, Y/N had reasoned before making the official decision, the kind of person they needed in college. Someone who could help them loosen up, really see the world outside of their small hometown. A place that, should the next four years treat them kindly, Y/N hoped to never have to move back to.

They shuffled to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, taking the place in. The apartment was pretty sparse at the moment, but Michelle had promised that her boyfriend had a truck and would help them find some furniture at thrift stores. Or via dumpster diving.

“Isn’t that like… illegal?” Y/N had asked, with a slightly worried look.

In response Michelle had just laughed. “Trust me. No one around Santa Carla cares if you pull something out of the trash.”

In the present, Y/N sighed because they hoped Michelle had been right. That would make getting some chairs a whole lot fucking easier.

It was about one in the afternoon before the door finally swung open. “Y/N! I’m home!” Called an elated voice.

Y/N, who had by then retreated back to the only sitting surface in the house they had, their bed, emerged again from their room to greet their roommate. “Michelle!” They greeted as the girl grabbed them up in a big hug.

“Y/N, this is my boyfriend, Eric. He’s brought his truck and everything, if you’re ready to actually fill this place up.”

Y/N waved at Eric, who nodded back. He seemed nice enough. And that was a tempting offer. “Fuck yeah. Let’s ride around,” They agreed to Michelle’s delight.

Riding around town with the two, Y/N would find, also provided them an opportunity to see the parts of Santa Carla they would have actively tried to hide from their parents. That’s not to say Santa Carla was pleasant on a surface level glance by any means, but as life-long citizens it was apparent that Michelle and Eric knew their way around.

“This place always has the best stuff,” Michelle declared, looking over the passenger’s seat at Y/N with a grin as Eric’s truck pulled up to a Kmart that was in severe need of a pressure washing, and then went around to the back.

Y/N squirmed in their seat. “And you’re sure this is fine to do in broad daylight?”

“Of course,” Eric chimed in. “Trust me, this place has three employees working on a good day, and at least two of them are always doped up. They don’t care.”

Y/N found that odd. The Kmart back home was a rather big deal, but they figured in a city like this– and this close to somewhere like San Francisco– maybe people just had better options for shopping. So they tried to swallow their worry as the truck pulled up to the dumpster.

Michelle and Eric seemed attuned to Y/N’s nerves, even if the two felt them unfounded, and were at least somewhat compassionate, as Michelle spoke: “Eric and I will climb in and hand stuff out to you. Just make sure it gets into the bed without getting broken.”

“I can do that.” Not having to climb into a dumpster seemed like a good course of action to them. Especially on a day like today: As the three opened the truck door and got out, the heat of the sun mixing with the scent of the dumpster created quite an unpleasant smell even if it was more filled with unsold furniture than foodstuffs. And so over the course of the next thirty or so minutes, they helped load some chairs, an end table, a DVD player, and a couch (piece by piece, with Eric climbing out halfway through lifting it to help load it up). The only thing they actually ended up going inside to purchase was a TV for that DVD player, which ended up relatively cheap with all three of them putting money into it.

“See! And people would spend a good couple hundred on this much good furniture,” Michelle said as they walked through the parking lot back to the truck, which Eric had brought around front. “And we got almost all of it for free.”

“You’re pretty strong,” Eric commented to Y/N, hopping in the driver’s seat as they and Michelle also climbed in. “Michelle can help toss light things out but usually can’t help me lift.”

“Yeah, because that’s what I have you for,” Michelle laughed. “Anyways, we’re making good on time. We can all unload this shit, shower off, and then hit up the Boardwalk tonight. It’s your first night in Santa Carla, Y/N!” Michelle looked over her shoulder at her friend. “We have to take you to the Boardwalk.

Y/N couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah?” Admittedly, they’d been hoping to get to see it sometime within the next few days. The only amusement park they’d ever gotten to go to before was Opryland, and they’d never been on a beach before. The ocean, they imagined, was quite different from going out on the river with their cousins. After unloading, a series of quick showers, and a fifteen minute drive, and soon Y/N was at the boardwalk with Eric and Michelle.

The sun was nearly set by that point, and so the lights around the rides and various signs had been switched on. Y/N grinned with delight. It was so big! Their eyes darted– which way to go first? They didn’t have long to think, though, before Michelle was pulling them towards the roller coaster which, all things considered, was not a bad way to start their evening. “Come on, you’re gonna love it.”

“But we didn’t get our ride tickets,” Y/N said, looking at the ticket booth behind them that sat at the boardwalk’s entrance.

“Don’t gotta,” Eric shrugged, pulling a wallet out of his pocket that had a good few tickets in it. “I come up here to see the music some nights. Pick up tickets I spot on the ground. People get tipsy or distracted and trop them all the time.”

The three had arrived just as the Friday night crowd was starting to trickle in, before pouring in, so there wasn’t a huge wait for the coaster when they got in line. By the time they got off, though, it was completely dark out. Michelle already had five other rides mentally lined up that they just had to take Y/N on. By the end of the hour, the three were stumbling off the rotor ride and Y/N was stumbling along. “You okay?” Michelle asked, laughing, arm draped around Y/N’s waist to help steady them.

“It’s just been awhile since I’ve been on anything like that,” Y/N admitted, laughing nervously. “A little motion sick–”

“Ew, well, keep it in,” Michelle teased, grinning at Y/N. At this point Michelle was a little tipsy, and Y/N was a little dizzy, and as a result the two almost stumbled right into a group before Eric grabbed them to pull them back.

“Fuck, last time I buy you beer. Watch where you’re going,” Eric said to Michelle, half teasing. Then he looked up at the guys before them and tensed, just a little. “Sorry about them.”

Y/N swallowed, gaze pulled forward as well. They weren’t the tallest guys in the world– only one, it looked like, beat six feet of height. But they had a big presence about them all: long and shaggy haircuts, predominately black attire, the way they were looking at Y/N, Michelle, and Eric like they were prey.

“It’s all right,” The one with the shorter, straighter blonde hair at the front of the group spoke. “Had a bit too much?” He asked, making eye contact with Y/N. He had blue eyes in the icy-cold sort of way and it made Y/N want to shiver, but they didn’t.

“This one? Nah,” Michelle laughed, before Y/N could even fail to answer the question. “Just a bit of a rough time riding the Demon Hole.”

This earned a snicker from the other guys behind the platinum blonde; he himself smiled in a way that looked almost pitying. “Well, then, I’d invite you to grab a bite with us, but you probably don’t want anything on your stomach right now.” He glanced from Y/N back to the other two– “Later.”

With that, the four guys moved past the three of them. Y/N, being far less inebriated than Michelle, noticed Eric’s tension. “You know them?” They asked, after a moment.

“Yeah, they’re some bikers known for causing trouble on the boardwalk. Don’t know how many times they’ve been kicked off,” Eric frowned, “When Michelle almost crashed you both into them I was worried they were going to try and start shit,” He gave his girlfriend a disapproving nudge.

She whined in response. “You know I don’t hold my beer well, babe.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should learn how to if you’re going to drink in public.”

Y/N looked back over their shoulder again, as they watched the boys disappear into the crowd. They’d already gotten the impression that Eric and Michelle didn’t mind getting into a bit of mischievous trouble– those four must be actual bad news, if they were avoiding them.

Despite Eric’s annoyance he did grab Michelle another beer, which she was now working on as the three continued down the boardwalk. Y/N’s motion sickness had mostly subsided, causing their appetite to come back. “Any food nearby?” They asked.

“Yeah, there’s a stand that sells nachos a bit further down,” Eric replied, “Hungry?”

Y/N nodded. “Oh, shit, why don’t you grab us a movie to rent? Break in that new TV. Eric and I could run ahead and get the food,” Michelle suggested. “I would come with you, but…” She held up her beer can. The video store they were in front of had a NO OUTSIDE FOOD OR DRINKS sign plastered on the glass. Y/N assumed it was one of those signs that was put up following an inciting incident.

With a bit of an indulgent smile, Y/N agreed. “Sure, yeah. Can’t promise I’ll pick something you like though,” They pointed out, as they waved a temporary goodbye and dipped inside the video store. It was nice, momentarily being out of the packed boardwalk crowds. Y/N wondered if it was always this busy on Friday nights or if there were simply a lot of high schoolers and recent graduates celebrating the start of summer. They slowly looked around, trying to get a feel for the store– were the tapes organized alphabetically, or perhaps by genre first? Where the new releases were, and all that–

“Can I help you find something in particular?” A man behind the counter asked, leaning forward.

Y/N looked back to the center of the store, smiling politely at him and slowly stepping up to the counter across the bright and surprisingly clean carpet, “Oh, not really, um, my friends just asked me to come in and pick out a movie.”

“Ah, yes. Friends.” The man glanced up to the glass door. It took a moment for Y/N to realize he was indicating that he had seen Y/N with those aforementioned friends outside. “Your friends do have a tendency for getting into a bit of trouble, you know,” He raised his eyebrows a little, and it appeared that he was trying to be good-natured even while reprimanding Y/N’s choice in company. “You seem like an honest individual, though. More so than many of the sorts I usually see around Santa Carla.” Y/N presumed this was in part based off of their appearance. While they actually quite admired many of the black outfits and colored hair and chains they’d seen worn around the boardwalk, they had just been dropped off by parents that had quite conservative ideas about dress and conduct. So their closet wasn’t exactly full of pieces that Y/N found more exciting. “A little bit of an accent too, are you new here?”

Y/N didn’t think their accent was all that thick, but they supposed it wasn’t surprising that over a thousand miles would make a difference in the way one spoke. Not thick for a rural town might be quite thick for a city like Santa Carla. “I am, yes. I’m going to college over in San Jose.”

“A college student. Quite impressive,” The man behind the counter smiled, seeming pleased. “I’m Max,” He extended a hand over the counter to shake, which Y/N took and introduced themself in turn. “Well, if you happen to be in the market for a job, pay for those textbooks, we are usually hiring,” Max said.

Y/N smiled. “I’ll think about it.” They didn’t want to commit to a job they were being offered by a total stranger on their first week in town– but also didn’t want to completely ruin the opportunity.

Max smiled. “Well, I’ll let you get back to picking your movie out– I’m sure you don’t want to spend all night talking to an old geezer like myself. Just do be careful, the sorts of people you associate with around here,” He gave Y/N a knowing look, as if somehow he was acutely aware of their earlier dumpster diving activities.

“I will.” Y/N nodded, before dipping off to peer through the racks of VHS tapes. Maybe they had a copy of Labyrinth.

#the lost boys x reader #david lost boys x reader #dwayne lost boys x reader #paul lost boys x reader #marko lost boys x reader #by santacarlatourism #reader insert #post: fic

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butididntpourthewhiskeys · 1 year

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Lovelies, I took the day yesterday to sit in my favourite coffee shop & write down my thoughts. I think it’s time for me to take a break from tumblr the way I used it before. I won’t delete my account and still sometimes check in, but deleted the app from my phone for now.

I think the truth is that I have like fifteen fires burning at the same time right now. A sibling who struggles with addiction, a man I considered the love of my life who basically dropped me within a matter of two days for his job, a daily battle with my eating disorder, a very very intense corporate job, the fact that I am approaching my thirties and I have no fucking clue where I want to live, if I actually like what I do for a living, whether I will ever meet someone I see myself having babies with and then... well, there was always Taylor for me. Since I was 14 years old, walking through the hallways of my high school, having my headphones in and listening to “Forever & Always”. She’s always been part of me on every stage of life, when I moved to New York, when I fell in love the first time, when I wanted to focus on my job and work my way up the career ladder - she was always by my side, and in a weird way I felt like I was always on her side, too.

These past days however, I have been feeling the lowest I have in a very long time. And I think I understand why now. I feel so close and connected to her, more than I ever thought I did. And I don’t think I ever understood that, but in a way I made her happiness my happiness. Knowing that she was in a place in her life, where I always hoped to get to one day was like a security blanket for me on the daily these past years, while facing my own struggles.

I care for her as an artist. But I care for her even more as a vulnerable, strong, intelligent, kind person who evolves not just in her career, but in her own life. And whilst I am struggling to face all the things that are going on in my own life right now, knowing that this person I care for more than anything is struggling big time, just gave me the final push to the edge. I know that Taylor would want me to take care of myself, and that’s why I need to slowly wash off the emotional attachment glue between Taylor and me, for now. I need to get back on my own feet, wipe away those tears from my cheeks, fix my own crown and start walking on my very own path again. I will definitely be on here (as I always have been) but please don’t wonder why I’m not posting or not reacting as much in the next weeks. I love every single one of you.

But for now, you’re on your own kid. Yeah you can face this.

#Sarah rambles

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terrence-silver · 2 years

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Hii sorry for the absence I’ve been on vacation & just started grad school this week <3 your recent ask answers have been giving me LIFE🫶🏻💖

-> When the Levee Breaks (https://youtu.be/uwiTs60VoTM) by Led Zeppelin is SO SEXY. The intro is almost a minute and a half, & the slide guitar effect coupled with the aggressive harmonics: pure sex. I can imagine old man Terry being absolutely swamped with all-valley prep, and younger beloved BLARING this on whatever tech-savvy TV is closest. Terry might be exuding annoyance after being interrupted, however it’s a pleasant surprise once beloved struts in (maybe in one of the outfits you’ve posted on asks?!!) & relieves Terry’s stress with a lap dance. I could also picture Bring it On Home (https://youtu.be/kZnHavrD4vQ) by Led Zeppelin playing directly after this, as Terry’s insistent on a quickie before returning to work.

-> 20th Century Boy (https://youtu.be/t2fyB6ctDi0) by T. Rex and Gloria (https://youtu.be/VlWiQ69DGE0) by Van Morrison & Them remind me of an old dive bar!!!! Specifically Twig (sometime after returning home /before 80’s Terry) would be a frequent patron of the bar that beloved bartended for. The first night Twig stumbles upon the bar with Kreese, the build-up and tension that these songs create, perfectly encapsulate that “take-your-breath-away” moment that Twig feels once he sees beloved for the first time. The feeling of your heart swelling and stomach tying itself into knots overcomes Twig. I can totally see Kreese acting as Terry’s wing-man in this case (as there’s still that naiveness and humbleness to Twig). Luckily the bar isn’t busy, and Terry is able to spend the evening striking up conversation with beloved. From then on out, he makes it a point to visit the bar every shift beloved is there, slowly but surely reeling them into his net.

-> Girl from the North Country (https://youtu.be/Je4Eg77YSSA) by Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash feels so so so so tender and vulnerable. In this instance I could see a younger beloved who might be struggling with confidence due to insecurities, and once old man Terry notices this- he’s so quick to dispute the falsified notions they’ve construed. I think the bittersweetness of this song is so prevalent within the two’s relationship; although instead of an “old lover” I think the loss of time the two have experienced because of their age-gap is an ever-present fear. This song just makes me think of Terry putting together a playlist of how beloved makes him feel, amongst other gestures to voice his adoration and love for them. I can also see old man Terry getting super overprotective of beloved in this instance, as if they’re questioning his taste in romantic partners and more so *your* intellect and capabilities. I think the days of insecurities would be long gone once Terry’s literally instilled confidence into beloved <3

-> Been down so Long (https://youtu.be/bJuDD93JbOw) by The Doors gives unhinged old man Terry vibes >>>>> I can picture Terry wanting to grant beloved the opportunity of being forewarned about a particularly stressful day, he wants them on the edge of their seat the rest of the day; wondering if he’s okay, what that stress will manifest into, how he’s going to react when he gets home? Terry loves the feeling of a cat and mouse game. After he’s returned home from work, I can totallyyy see Terry having THE calmest aura to him while beelining for the turntable. Jim Morrison’s aggressive vocals reverberate amongst the mansion walls as beloved knows what’s next in their game of cat and mouse.

Hope you’re having a wonderful week & have an even better weekend!💖 So appreciative of your page!!!🫶🏻

-Doors girlie <3

Please, don’t apologize! Your gorgeous posts and you were so, so, so missed and whoo, well done for starting Grad school, and well done as always for these lovely recommendations and little mini scenario blurbs. I'm blown away by the sweet, diverse storylines each and every time! I'm greedy and I always crave more. So appreciative of you too! The songs are absolutely beautiful. 💖

#the doors girl #doors girl #terry silver #old man terry #kk3 #cobra kai #terry silver imagine #terry silver imagines #terry silver x reader #music #songs #playlists #musical recommendations #terry silver x beloved

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homemoviess · 1 year

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Post #11 - A Step Towards Background Design

♫ - What I’m currently listening to.

✔ - Vote in the poll.

After a much-needed break, I am happy to return and try to crack down on one important element of comic creation; backgrounds. Being a lazy artist, (everything must be created within a short time frame, or oops, there goes my attention span) sitting down to render a well-thought-out scene is the bane of my existence. At least with writing, it is easier to say what I envision. With visual art, there requires a bit more skill and time to bring an idea to life. So naturally, I am no expert at setting a compelling scene, but I plan to take the next 7 days to change that.

We're heading to art school at YouTube University. We'll have a lot to learn. Everything from the composition, to the perspective, to the layout of a background. I will try to pick up the basics, and hopefully improve as the comic gradually progresses. By the time the last page is drawn, and before the project comes to an end, I hope to have a product that is alluring to gaze upon.

I hope to have something that invokes a strong emotion within the viewer.

The images in this post are the three base categories of study; interior, exterior, and wider landscape/cityscape shots.

I wanted to track my progress, as well as see how much I currently know, (spoiler alert, not much) so the above was drawn without references. They are the barebone sketches that currently plague my portfolio. Something quick, something easy. I can't say for sure that this will change all that drastically, but my main goal is to find the happy medium between my lazy art and a compelling scene to stare at.

I will be releasing a post sometime next week that will detail the aesthetic direction I want to take the world. There's going to be a little more thought put into the details to create something that fits with the themes of the fanfic while still keeping true to the Undertale elements. There will be a mood board accompanying the post, (with a few images from my trip) so you'll get a bit more insight into exactly what I mean.

One last thing to touch on, I recently re-read a comment on The Salt Circle regarding the look of the Frisks/Charas, and though this story has nothing to do with that one, it did leave me thinking about the designs of the characters. The poll is still active, and currently, we have two options that are neck and neck; starting from scratch with a brand new AU, or going with Swapfell Gold. I think I will leave the poll up until my big post next week to see which one will win, but I am liking the idea of something new and of our own. Something made just for Fawn. Of course, as a project, I want to share and build along with readers. Therefore, the majority rules, but I suppose we'll have to see which answer wins before really cementing any ideas.

In the meantime; I will be starting the first day of background building tomorrow. We'll start things off easy by referencing the official map of the Underground as well as Clipstudio's guide on How to draw iconic cityscapes.

#Class is in session!#Another Undertale Update #But we have started the next stage #wip update #learning to draw #Backgrounds backgrounds and more backgrounds

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look-at-the-soul · 1 year

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Hi! It's gossip girl❤️❤️ I missed our little messages too! Luckily school isn't too bad right now so I hoping to be able to keep up on here a bit better now! I hope you're doing well!! I got to read so of the stories you've done recently and they've all been brilliant! I especially liked the one you posted yesterday! Make your home in my heart! ❤️ it was so cute! I love how soft Tommy was with her and how he took time to care for her! ❤️❤️ and I also liked the Runway! I haven't seen Anna but I heard it's good! And I loved how you made the story begin!

I've been doing alright! My break was nice and exams went pretty well! My classes this semester are a bit harder though so that's a bit of a challenge though 😂🥲😂

And I think my anxiety is doing a bit better now! I think I may actually try to post something within. Like two weeks maybe!

I know I mentioned I had writers block but you know what😂 I got to go home for this weekend and had to fly. So I was like determined to try and finish at least one of my stories. And not only did I finish both but I've got 20k+ words broken up over about 6 different stories done now😂 One I still need to finish though! I kinda surprised myself too because I was typing stuff on the plane and usually I'm nervous annoy people seeing that stuff. But I lucked out both times and no one was in the seat next to me, which I think helped! 😂And I actually have more ideas I wanna get done by next week too😂 It was actually your little idea about Drabble that helped me get out of it too! So thank you for that! ❤️ Once I remembered that I didn't have to write a super long story it was a bit easier for me to cut down in what wasn't important! I have some bullet point ideas or mini Drabble that I've also almost got done too! There is one idea that I may send an other ask about though! It's something I be been wanting to write because I think I have a really good idea for a line prompt. But there's I'm a little stuck because of some of the TW's that would be included in the story and I'm not sure how'd people react? Idk if that makes sense but I can explain more in the other ask if that's ok!

And yes! Alfie is absolutely a rich character! He's one of my favorites😂 I'm so glad he made it though the series😂

Morpheus is pretty good! It's based of a comic by Neil Gaiman about the the Lord of Dreams (Morpheus)! And it starts off after he's been imprisoned for like 100 years and finally gets free and has to build up his kingdom again! I know it's not the busy summary but it's definitely worth the watch! And the actor who plays Morpheus (Tom Sturrige? I think it's spelled) is also very nice to look at so😂😂 but it's a pretty good show!

And I've heard of Both those movies with Cillian but haven't seen them. I've especially heard people like Breakfast on Pluto! I haven't heard of Virgin River though! What's it about?

And I will say that we have interacted before but again I've kinda been hiding around for the last little bit 😂 And I honestly started the same way as you to, only on anon then I decided to share on thing and people seems to like it so I tried sharing more😂 Then I went into hiding again but you know, I think I might come out of my cave soon😅 And thank you for all your encouragement too! You really have helped me be less nervous about it all!❤️

And I haven't actually seen Sex and the City, but I've heard of that one too! But I get what you mean by being apprehensive to second parts! Sometimes the producers should have just stuck to one😂 but I do know that gossip girl is on HBO if you couldn't find it!

Ohhh and local cafe's are fun! I wish there were some more near me I could go to😂 My college is great but it's not really in a big city where there's lots of cafes😂 We do have a few boba shops that could probably work pretty well though! Does coffee flavored boba count? 😂 And ohh I did see that you were writing for them! I still haven't seen a Quiet Place two yet, but I've seen part of Anna (didn't get to finish it) and I do really enjoy the Nolan Batman's (Cillian is very good at playing the characters who are a little psycho😂) But I can't think of anything specific to see with this right now! If I think of something I'll definitely let you know though!! ❤️

Aside from all the fics I've been trying to catch up on, I have a few mystery novels I want to finish! Most of what I've read though this year had been my textbooks though 😂

And I hope your days have been going alright and will only get better from her on!🥰🥰You're amazing!! Thank you for all your advice! And I'll be sure to send that ask about you opinion on an idea I had after this! ❤️❤️❤️

XoXo Gossip Girl!

Hello gossip girl!!!

How have you been?

I’m glad to hear school is doing alright:) thank you so much! I’ve been writing more and faster (I think hehe) aww thank you! It makes me so happy to know you liked that story! I’m a firmly believer that Tommy would be a sweet man, he just couldn’t leave her there in the pouring rain at night… and she managed to win his heart too. (I might have a second part planned for later) but first I need to finish the ancient request I got a while ago, I think there are 2 more stories in my drafts (gotta hurry up). I’m writing the second part to The Runway!!! And I’m so excited about it 🥰 looove Lenny!

Congratulations on the good grades! Keep the hard work going ☺️ oh but I’m sure you will do it just fine! Trust yourself (best of luck with your classes!)

Remember to take deep breaths, try to think of the things that gives you peace usually (and of course post the stories you’ve been working!), it will be just fine 😉

Oh I think airports are a great source of inspiration, wow! That’s an impressive work, you have been writing a lot! It makes me so happy to hear that! Yeah I don’t like neighbors looking at what you’re doing haha I get so nervous, but you were neighbor’s free so it must’ve helped a lot. Did you keep writing? *eyes*… oh that post helped me too! Like a lot! Sometimes I pressure myself to write something long, over X words but when I read that I was like… wait a minute, some stories can work great as short, a Drabble… 🥰💕 aww you’re welcome! It makes my entire world to know you’ve found some inspiration in my silly posts… my job is done here. We don’t even realize the pressure we put on ourselves sometimes right? Some stories are mean to be short, a mini series, a long series or a one shot, and it’s perfectly fine, what really matters is that we write what we want and enjoy it.

In your other post you mention SA, but I don’t know what it means? And also TW’s? 🙈 also do you want me to post the other message with the ideas for your story? Let me know!… okay the general idea sounds great to me! I just have a few questions to fully understand the plot, which I will share on your next message if you tell me you are okay with me posting it. But to answer your dilemma, I’d say go for it because internally you’ve been thinking about it since the beginning! Don’t doubt yourself on it, whatever path you choose is going to be the right one because it’s part of your original idea 😉😊

Alfie was a great addition to the show! He is so interesting and unique, he has a lot of things to bring to the table…

Oh wow Morpheus sounds interesting 🤔 I will try to see if it’s around the platform I have subscription from, or at least a small video to get an idea of the show, although to tell you the truth? I find it hard to get hooked with another series than peaky, what have they done to me? I want/need 10 more series ahaha (said the frustrated one) 😂 but it would be good to have something else to look at.

Breakfast on Pluto was amazing, I loved his character there (I think they did it way too early tho, he could’ve won an Oscar for it years later, but we know he’s not after that… Virgin River is a small (and perfect) little town full of mountains and rivers and nice people, so Mel is a practitioner nurse,widow and she arrives to start her job at the small clinic, she meets Jack a former soldier and they fall in love, but things aren’t easy so there are a million ups and downs, a pregnant ex, the noisy neighbors, flashbacks from the war… it’s so good!

Wow don’t hide! I love interacting with you on anon messages so I guess it’s the same with your own blog 😉 but whatever makes you feel comfortable! I hope you decide to share more and more,the first one is the hardest, so… we’ll be waiting with open arms when you decide to leave the cave 💖 ah anytime sweetheart! Happy to help :)

Yeah I didn’t watch it either but a friend told me what happened and I was like O.o nope I’m not watching that hehe I mean, they left Samantha out *horror face* they had the audacity *gasp* hahah yeahI think whatever you fancy to drink works ;) what does flavored boba tastes? Ahh you *need* to watch AQP2, I was reluctant at first, but Emmett won my heart over… Anna meh, the general idea was amazing, but I think the movie had something missing? Is it just me? I mean why would they make Anna have a girlfriend and be with Lenny and the other agent…? What’s the point? Yeah living la vida loca, I get it, but (?) did he took her to Hawaii? Did the gf found out Anna cheated? I have a lot of questions haha that’s why I write for him lol and I love the psycho characters too! *high five* Jonathan Crane was great, but one of the best roles for me will always be Anthropoid and the edge of love, (love the war theme).

Oh please share the reading list! I love finding new pieces to read, I have a John Banville novel I bought back in November and I haven’t read it yet… I am too behind some stories (I need to catch up on reading asap..), but it will be around so I try to not pressure myself a lot, sometimes it’s just hard to keep up with everything. Ahah I bet you have! Luckily you will find some time to read novels and fiction during your free time ☺️

Days have been alright thanks, I’m doing my nails old way (Idont want to do gel anymore there are loads of videos saying how much damage it can make on the skin and although I really didn’t use the UV lamp like once a week, I want to protect my skin as much as I can…I’ve been writing a lot, more than usual so I’m trying to maximize the inspiration spree, days have been warmer and I want to see if I can find a friend to go to a concert in June, so wish me luck!

Thank you for your beautiful words 🥺 I am here to chat whenever you need, and to me you’re amazing as well! So brave and I wish you nothing but the best in every aspect of your life, see you around xx

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hollandorks · 2 years

Text

middle of the night

battinson!bruce wayne x f!reader

chapter two

summary: y/n’s life changes immensely, starting with the Batman falling out of the sky right in front of her and ending with a promising new job at Wayne Manor. As her life intertwines with that of both Batman and Bruce Wayne, she begins to figure out that there’s more to both than meets the eye. No spoilers for the Batman movie.

a/n: thanks everyone for loving this fic so much after just one chapter! This chapter is just filler/ foundational stuff. The next two chapters after this will be a lot more interesting I promise. I thrive off reader feedback so please feel free to drop a comment, ask, or even yell in the tags if you reblog! I’m also creating a taglist I’ll update with every chapter so let me know if you want to be added to that.

Series Masterlist

word count: 3572

But he was gone. Armor and all. The front door was still locked and–there, at the window, a shadow.

Batman was gone.

Y/n spent the next week going over every single detail of that night. For two nights, she stared up at the signal against the clouds and hoped for a glimpse of him. She told no one of their encounter and went along with life as usual. But she couldn’t stop thinking about how Gotham’s protector had been in her apartment. How real he had been. The flesh and blood beneath the suit. She’d always known there was a man under there, but now she’d gotten a glimpse of him. The real man. The real Batman.

A week after her encounter with Batman, there was a new job posting.

For Wayne Manor.

It was just for a housekeeping position, but still sent a little thrill up her spine when she saw it. There were going to be scheduled interviews–by appointment only–for the next week at the Wayne Enterprises offices. No pay information was available, but she didn’t care. Anything was better than what she had.

The official company wasn’t hiring, but apparently Bruce Wayne himself was.

She immediately sent in her resume. Anything was better than working at the club. Well, almost anything. But she much preferred cleaning up after one spoiled rich man than a whole bunch of drunk and handsy ones. Plus the manor was huge. She could escape from one handsy rich man easily enough in a space that big.

Anything, anything to help pay off her debts. And if the hours worked out, she could still work at the club sometimes too. Two jobs would be much better than one. She doubted, too, that the Penguin would let her go so easily.

Plus she’d been in culinary school for a few months before her mother got sick. She hoped that made her application valuable enough for Bruce Wayne. She really doubted she would get the position. Applying and hoping was better than suffocating at the Iceberg Lounge most nights.

Within a day, her appointment for an interview was confirmed, much to her surprise.

The day of her interview, she dressed carefully in her best business attire, packed up an extra copy of her resume, and headed towards Wayne Enterprises.

The weather had finally dried enough for the subways to run again. She was glad, because it was starting to drizzle outside again, though the weathermen were confident it would only last into the afternoon. She had never missed the sun so much.

Wayne Enterprises was a huge, towering building. She wondered briefly why Bruce Wayne didn’t hold the interviews at Wayne Manor. He didn’t have much to do with Wayne Enterprises these days from what she heard on the news. But then again, he probably didn’t want a bunch of strangers traipsing through his empty home trying to steal a glimpse of his private life.

She gave her name to the receptionist on the ground floor to sign in. The receptionist guided her to a bank of elevators and to the third floor.

The elevator doors slid open to reveal a hallway where at least another dozen people waited to be interviewed. As she took a seat in the only open space, a door at the end of the hallway opened and a girl quickly hurried out. She got into the elevator without a word and was gone.

Name after name was called. Even with appointments for interviews, y/n was surprised at the number of people here. Mostly women. She thought Bruce Wayne would have been a lot more selective off the cuff.

Some of the other women waiting whispered among themselves. Most craned their necks every time the doors opened and closed, hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive billionaire. Y/n listened to their idle gossip without participating. She didn’t care about Bruce Wayne. Just the job.

“Do you think he’s hiring based on looks?” one woman asked with a smirk as she tugged her low cut shirt even lower. Y/n hoped he wasn’t. Mostly because that was what guys like the Penguin did.

“I wonder how much I could get for a photo of him from TMZ,” another woman said. There was a chorus of nervous laughs. But they’d had to surrender their cell phones at the security checkpoint inside the front door, to be collected at the reception desk after their interviews.

When her name was finally called, y/n stood on shaky legs.

She entered the office to find an older man. He had salt and pepper hair, the beginnings of a beard, and was dressed immaculately. His clothes held no wrinkles or lint. He even had cufflinks at his wrists that glimmered as they caught the light.

“Have a seat,” he said in a pleasantly accented voice. “I’m Alfred Pennyworth, Mr. Wayne’s butler, assistant, and longtime guardian. I’ll be conducting your interview today.”

Y/n wasn’t sure whether or not she was disappointed that Bruce Wayne wasn’t there. This guy seemed much more professional anyways, and she figured–if she got the job–she’d work with him more than Bruce Wayne. From what she understood of household staff from period dramas on TV, butlers were basically in charge of all staff. At least, she thought so. This butler was also apparently important enough to represent Bruce Wayne’s interests and conduct all interviews.

He started by telling her the job requirements, most of which required discretion, several NDA contracts, and regular hours during the week. Then he asked her all kinds of typical job interview questions, went over her resume, and asked what her expectations were for pay and benefits. He didn’t even stumble over her listed position at the Iceberg Lounge despite it’s bad reputation.

When she told him the pay she’d like to make–after having looked up several similar enough jobs online–Alfred Pennyworth smiled.

And then he countered with a much more generous offer.

“I have to say, I really think I’ve found the person for the position,” he continued, as if her heart rate wasn’t high enough already. “I’ll have to clear it with Mr. Wayne first of course, but your application seems very promising.” He smiled kindly.

“I–thank you–wow, thank you,” she stuttered. She stood and shook his hand eagerly. “You have no idea how much this means to me. Really.”

“I do have to finish the rest of the day’s interviews, but I really do think we’ve found what we need in you. I’ll give you a call tomorrow most likely, as long as Mr. Wayne is amenable.” Alfred stood and gestured to the door.

Y/n hesitated and then blurted, “Why me?” She immediately clamped her mouth shut. Heat settled in her cheeks. “I’m sorry–I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I just…my resume doesn’t exactly scream prior experience.”

Alfred seemed to soften a bit. “My dear, you seem plenty qualified. And, most importantly, you’re the only one who didn’t ask after Mr. Wayne upon seeing myself. Privacy and discretion are very important to him, and so far everyone else has failed to uphold those values from the start. Or failed the background check.” He chuckled. “I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know if the position is yours.”

She thanked him again, profusely, and walked to the elevators with her head in the clouds.

The job wasn’t hers yet, not for sure, but she couldn’t help the bubble of hope that grew in her chest. With the hours and the pay and the benefits…she would be doing so, so well. She could still work at the club one or two nights on the weekend, and her debts would be paid off in–she quickly tried to do the mental math. Two years, maybe. And that was if she found a nicer apartment to rent. If she continued living in her shitty apartment, she’d be paid up with the Penguin even sooner.

The next morning she received a call from an unknown number.

“Hello, y/n speaking,” she answered breathlessly.

“Good morning,” Alfred Pennyworth’s warm voice answered. “I’m calling to formally offer you a position working at Wayne Manor.”

Y/n clamped down a squeal of delight before it could escape. “Yes, I accept. Absolutely. I–you have no idea how much I need this job, thank you.”

“You haven’t even heard the full offer yet, dear,” Alfred said with a light laugh. “Mr. Wayne would like to not only offer you the pay we discussed yesterday, but also health benefits and…well, I understand it’s rather unusual, but he also offered one of our many guest rooms for your use. You would still work the same hours, but live on the property.”

Her jaw fell open with an audible pop. “I–That’s very generous of Mr. Wayne, but I couldn’t possibly afford–”

“Rent free, of course,” Alfred continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “And it would not be deducted from your pay either. In Mr. Wayne’s words, he has too much unused space to let it go to waste. Besides, the rest of the staff live on the property as well, myself included.”

Something in the way he said it clicked in y/n’s brain. “You mean Mr. Wayne wants to keep an eye on everyone to better protect his privacy. Don’t you?” Hastily she added, “I don’t mean to be rude in saying that.”

“No, not rude at all, but perceptive. Yes, I do believe that that is Mr. Wayne’s thinking in his offer. That, and he is actually quite generous, once you get to know him. No need to accept the offer right away. You have my direct number. Please let us know by next Monday your decision, in case we need to fill the position elsewhere.”

Brain whirring a mile a minute, she said, “No. I mean, yes, I accept. When can I start?”

Rent free and not deducted from her pay. Health benefits. Regular hours. Weekends off. Living in a fucking mansion. It was almost too good to be true.

As long as Bruce Wayne didn’t turn out to be a creep, peeping Tom, or a rapist, it was exactly the life-changing thing she needed.

“I can pick you up Monday, give you time to pack and get your affairs in order. Unless you need to work out a two week notice with a previous employer?”

“No, I’m–Monday is perfect. Thank you so much.” She gave Alfred her address, then hung up.

Things were really, really starting to look up.

That weekend, she requested a meeting with the Penguin to explain her new job situation and that she wasn’t quitting, just cutting back her hours to pay her debt off more quickly.

If shit was going to hit the fan, it would be in this meeting. The Penguin wasn’t a nice guy. She knew that firsthand already. But surely, hopefully, he loved money enough to let her do this in exchange for paying him more quickly. She didn’t care if he raised her debts a little, either. Anything to get out from under his thumb more quickly.

But all the Penguin did was lean back on his plush leather couch and look her over with a smirk. “Sucked Bruce Wayne’s dick for a job, did ya? I thought you were too good for that sort of thing. Oh well, good for you. Remember that I charge three percent interest on my debts, though. And if you forget…” He glanced over at the thug who’d slapped her the night of the incident with the spilled drink and the handsy man.

Y/n clenched her teeth so tightly it hurt. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, she told herself, but she hated the idea that a rumor might spread about her working for Bruce Wayne just because the Penguin was a scumbag.

“Yes, sir, I understand. Three percent interest. Thank you for your generosity.” Because that’s what he wanted, what he liked. The ass-kissing. The gratitude. And it rang true this time, when it hadn’t so many other times they had spoken. Shit hadn’t hit the fan. He was letting her go. And, hell, three percent interest really wasn’t too bad. She could do three percent. And living at Wayne Manor, she wouldn’t have to worry about rent or subway fees or a car payment or gas prices.

Bruce Wayne definitely couldn’t be as much of a creep as the Penguin.

–

Monday morning dawned early. She had barely slept all night. Her nerves were wound tight. The rain had started up again in the early hours before dawn and showed no signs of letting up.

Y/n’s bags were packed. Her meager belongings waited patiently by the door for her move to Wayne Manor. It was a dream come true, in a lot of ways. She had resented her tiny, shitty apartment since she had been forced out of the one she had grown up in–just her and her mother, all those years. Now her mother was gone, and all that was left of their life together was packed in a small cardboard box. That box was really all that mattered. Y/n had only bothered to pack it, her clothes, and her quilt and pillow. Everything else was staying in the apartment.

A soft knock sounded at the door.

She opened it to reveal Alfred, who was startlingly dry for all of the rain roaring down from the sky outside.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning. Shall I help you with your belongings?”

She only had her backpack, two suitcases, the box of memories, and her pillow with her quilt shoved into the pillowcase.

For some reason, as Alfred helped her carry everything down the stairs and loaded it into the car outside, she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by her surroundings. At her obvious lack. Had it been too desperate of her to leap at a chance to live in Bruce Wayne’s giant mansion without thinking it through? She had never been one to take handouts so readily, but in the past few years that had changed drastically. She would take whatever she could get–which was only underscored by the fact that all she’d been able to do was make a deal with a criminal to try and save her mother’s life.

Wayne Manor was just barely inside of city limits. It was close to everything while still just separate enough to scream wealthy. A huge brick wall stretched around the property. A wrought iron gate swung open to reveal a long driveway lined with trees.

As Alfred drove up the drive, he explained the security system to her. Cameras all along the walls, alarms, security guards patrolling and watching the gate. Security never came near the house except in an emergency. He also explained, gently, that she likely wouldn’t see much of the master of the house. He tended towards the nocturnal and often went out for most of the night and slept during the day. The way Alfred said it was almost affectionate, like he was used to Bruce Wayne’s antics.

The long driveway suddenly ended. A huge, Gothic manor was revealed. It sprawled across an equally massive lawn. Gargoyles sneered down at her from the edges of the roof and towers. She felt her mouth pop open in surprise. It was…well, enormous.

They pulled around to the back of the house towards what y/n guessed was the servants entrance.

“I’ve given security your information and identification. You’re free to come and go as you please, of course, but we ask that you simply alert the guards at the gate each time you leave and come back.” Alfred parked the car in a small spot near a door in the back. “Your rooms will be on the second floor. My rooms are right next to yours. Master Wayne’s are on the first floor. The kitchen, library, pool house, and stables are free for you to use whenever you would like. The basement, however, is completely off limits. There is a code to enter, but I figured I would warn you. It’s Master Wayne’s private study and he doesn’t like to be disturbed.”

They entered through the backdoor into a storage room. It led into a kitchen that was, by itself, larger than the shitty apartment she’d just left behind.

“We’ll pause here for some paperwork, if you don’t mind. Then I’ll take your things upstairs for you to get settled.” Waiting on the kitchen island was a stack of paperwork that included the typical employee and tax forms, health benefit contracts, and also a thick stack of contracts that included heavily binding NDAs. She tried to take a moment and look it all over like it didn’t overwhelm her. From what she gathered, she was allowed to say she worked at Wayne Manor, but not in what capacity. She wasn’t allowed to mention Bruce Wayne, his comings and goings, or anything else about the house to anyone other than Bruce Wayne himself and Alfred. Taking any kind of photographs of the house, grounds, or the occupants was entirely forbidden. If she broke the contract, she would be immediately fired and sued.

Head swimming, she signed all the forms. Alfred made tea while she signed paper after paper. She preferred coffee but she would take whatever caffeine she could get to help her through the huge stack of forms.

By the time she finished, the dregs in her cup had gone cold.

“Now that’s done, let’s get you settled,” Alfred said as if it were simply any other regular day. Y/n supposed that, working for a billionaire, it probably was.

As they made their way up a servant’s staircase, Alfred’s soft, accented voice kept up the narration from their drive. “I would also ask you not to disturb the late Mr. and Mrs. Wayne’s rooms on the third floor. They have been…kept the same since their passing.”

“Of course,” she murmured. Obviously, her curiosity was piqued at the mention of forbidden rooms–including the basement–but she needed this job more than she needed to satisfy her curiosity.

The house itself was more of a Gothic castle or Gothic church than it was a house. Intricate stone and woodwork was everywhere, from the arched ceilings and moulding to the carved banisters on the servants stair. The stairs kept winding upwards, but they took the first landing and came out at the very end of a long hallway. There was a stained glass window that overlooked the estate below them.

“You’ll have the rest of the day to get settled and explore, if you’d like. You’ll officially start tomorrow morning. This first door here belongs to me. And…here you are.”

Alfred stopped at the next door on the hallway.

“I’ll leave you to get settled. Text me if there’s anything you need.” He set her stuff politely beside the closed door. “Oh–we all fend for ourselves with meals. The kitchen is fully stocked, so help yourself.” With that, Alfred disappeared back down the stairs to do…whatever it is he did as butler.

Pushing open the door to her room, y/n swallowed her apprehension.

She had to use the doorjamb to hold herself up when she saw what was before her.

When Alfred has used the plural of room, he hadn’t made a mistake. There was a small living room, a huge bathroom, a bedroom, and a walk-in closet. It was the size of at least two, if not three, of her apartments. It had been recently cleaned, though the furniture was a bit outdated. There was a thick comforter and set of pillows on the bed that looked to be the most updated things in the room. It was a muted gray with blue and green accents.

There was a small couch, a sitting chair, a desk, a fireplace….Her head spun. This alone was such luxury compared to what she had just come from. And she had the run of the house when she wasn’t working, save for a few off-limits areas. Kitchen, library, grounds, pool house…

Taking a deep breath, y/n began unpacking her things. Her clothes barely took up a quarter of the closet.

She set her photographs on the dresser and bedside table. One of her as a baby with her mother–still glowing with youth and young love. Another of them when she was a teenager, at one of Gotham’s music festivals. Another taken when her mother was sick, the last photograph of them together. Around the photos went other various sentimental items.

Already she could tell that the house was gloomy and barely lived in. There was a pervading smell of dust in the air. She flung open the heavy drapes in the bedroom and living room. With a satisfied nod, she resolved to open more curtains in the house. Maybe bring in some fresh flowers once in a while. Alfred had told her that the gardener and groundskeeper–a married couple–lived in a cottage farther into the property. Maybe she could ask one of them for permission to bring flowers inside sometimes so she didn’t have to buy them.

It would take some getting used to. But she would work hard. She would save money. She would pay off her debts. And then Wayne Manor would just be something in the rearview for her on the way to something better.

It wasn’t a Cinderella story, but it was a good stepping stone into the rest of her life.

Next Chapter

taglist:

@pop-rocks-and-skittles @calumspupils @n1ght5h4d3-24 @keepingitlokiii @11mb0 @illicitghosts @passionandpeaches

#bruce wayne x reader #batman x reader #battinson x reader #battinson #the batman #the batman 2022 #robert pattinson #idk I kind of hate this chapter since it's so filler BUT #the next two chapters are fun #and I'm also done writing them so I can post every few days for now!#middle of the night

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missinghan · 3 years

Text

cold sun ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : soulmate au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 2,6k.

❖ warning : slight swearing

❖ summary : in a world where one will lose something if their soulmate doesn’t reciprocate their words of love once they turn sixteen, jisung is willing to take the risk so you won’t have to bear the burden.

❖ note : i just realized how i always tend to write for jisung when i'm down :')) anywho this piece is a little different than what i usually come up with but i hope y'all enjoy it ♡

It’s the first day of the week.

“Hey, Y/N. I like you!”

And Han Jisung is really annoying.

Those words come out so easily. It's casual in a way that makes you bury your red nose deeper into the soft fabric of your scarf, which makes your footsteps quicken unknowingly as his voice chases after you loudly. Either way, this isn’t the first time Jisung has said so. In fact, it’s become a habit for him to remind you every other day.

There’s no particular reason why. Or at least that’s what you think.

It’s the end of the week. Jisung decides to hang himself upside down on your bed while you’re stressing over a presentation. “Hey, Y/N.” A cold winter breeze comes rushing against the perplexing glass of your window, shaking the frame violently before all motions come to silence.

Until, “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he creeps up from behind you and chirps into your ear.

“What?” you let out a groan of displease when tempting warmth embraces you whole, prompting you to drop your attention and looking over your shoulder.

Jisung pouts, “You didn’t answer me.”

“It’s because you’re annoying,” you sigh.

“Answer me when I call your name,” he pulls you in a fraction tighter, careful enough not to hurt you but firm to not let you slip away at the same time, and cradles your neck warmly, “So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“Alright, stupid.”

The all too familiar gummy smile returns instantly. “Hey, Y/N?”

And you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yes, Jisung?”

“I like you,” he giggles into the hug, “I like you a lot.”

Han Jisung really is annoying.

He’s annoying because he talks too much. He’s annoying because of how he always asks for your notes after a gaming night with Felix just to nap in class. He’s annoying because he’d drop you in a heartbeat for a single slice of cheesecake from Jeongin’s mom’s bakery. He’s annoying because of how well he can get along with everyone.

Chatty, down-to-earth, easy-going with a lovable smile—attractive, very attractive.

It’s the week after that. “What...happened?”

“He lost his voice,” Jeongin sighs, looking like he genuinely wants to facepalm himself against concrete while walking with an incoherent Jisung to school; expressive hands with his mouth agape and all.

You tilt your head, “...for real?”

“For real.”

After a few seconds of eyeing Jisung struggling with converting what’s in his head, you exhale deeply and quickly rummage through your backpack, “Just stop, you look ridiculous.” And he does just that, zipping his mouth metaphorically and giving you those typical puppy eyes. “Here, use this.”

His eyes light up like stars when you rip off a page from one of your notebooks and offer it to him along with a pen. Truth is, you’re expecting something as predictable as ‘I like you’ or ‘It’s alright it’s just the worst cold I’ve ever caught’. But then, what’s displayed on the piece of paper right now only baffles you.

Park is going to murder you if he sees some uglyass tear in your Ochem notes :)

A forced grin splits your lips open. “Not if I murdered you first and then the entire school and then myself.”

The first genuine smile blossoms on his lips when you give him a mini-sized notepad and pencil the day after—his sixteenth birthday.

And Jisung decides this is it.

It happens when the sun hasn’t even come out yet and the irritating blue light from his phone reads 5:32 AM.

It happens when he sees your reclined figure leaning back against his mattress, his pupils tracing your delicate features. Perplexed emotions fill his eyes to the brim, fulfillment bursting within his chest when you stare right back at him with such purity. So pure that it seems you can do no harm to him and neither can he.

“Hey stupid,” you murmur quietly, shoving a notepad and pencil against his chest, “Happy birthday.”

Jisung gives you a bright smile, opens his mouth, and snaps it close mere moments later. Sixteenth birthday. Early in the morning. Tired grins. The fondness of being so disgustingly in love.

He can’t help but lean in and caves into the taste his soul has longed for as long as he can remember.

Two weeks have passed since Jisung has lost his voice.

Nothing has differed if you’re being completely honest. Han Jisung is still annoying. His lack of ability to speak doesn’t appear to be a problem to him at all. He loves chatting with people even though he’s more of a listener now. But with the small notepad you gave him a few days ago, being socially active is the norm for him even now.

Thanks to his rather short-period experiences of observing people’s expressions and how their features contort in certain ways when they’re feeling certain emotions, Jisung catches onto your mood more quickly during bad days to help you release your inner turmoil by scribbling down something stupid on the notepad. It’s kinda nice like this, you’d think to yourself sometimes.

Other times, you’re more scared that you might have forgotten what his voice sounds like.

“No wonder you got a fucking cold. Stop taking midnight showers already.”

You wave Jisung over when he closes the wooden door to your bedroom, droplets dripping from his hair as he scratches his stomach tiredly. His hair is a mess when he lazily crawls onto your bed, the cushion beside you dips slightly.

His index finger pointing at his post-shower head and a shit-eating grin are all you need to snatch the white towel around his neck.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you mumble while rubbing the cotton fabric into his hair, “But you’re awfully upbeat for someone who’s lost their voice. Can’t you at least pretend to be sad about it?”

A noise of protest escapes his throat like second nature as your eyes carefully read the quick movements of his mouth. “And can you not be so mean to someone who’s lost their voice?”

A faint smirk creeps its way up to your lips. “Still like me now?”

Jisung thinks hard for a few moments before jumping out of bed to snatch his notepad from your studying area. Of course, I like you. I like you a lot. Your heartbeat momentarily spikes at his scrawny handwriting. Just when your gaze is averted away to cool the blush on your cheeks, he tugs at your sleeve again and points at a different mess of scribbles. You’re more gentle when I’m like this. And you’d always find me if I ever got into trouble. What’s there for me to be sad about?

“Annoying little shit,” you swallow your pride and let him settle his head against your chest.

His presence melts into yours during the hardest hours of the twenty-four, heartbeats on heartbeats and warmth on warmth. Your one regret is that you’re unable to register his tears that night, only the incoherent, breathless hiccups almost as to desperately call out your name.

It’s been a month since Jisung’s lost his voice. And the night when he kisses you for the second time, his notepad is long forgotten next to your pillow.

I-can’t-talk. Give-me-a-break.

Jeongin. Cheesecake. Please? Pretty please?

I’ll fucking kick you.

Wait, there’s homework?!

...so you’re telling me LMAO isn’t how French people laugh?

“This is what you’ve been doing during breaks huh…” you mumble under your breath while lazily flipping through the papers. The occasional ‘I like you’-s do pop up every two pages or so, which is more than enough to make you smile like an idiot. But that is until a peculiar paragraph yanks your attention by its neck and tosses it against a brick wall.

Mom, promise me you’re not going to cry.

He made auntie cry?!

I lost my voice for real now but it wasn’t supposed to be like that at first. I just wanted to mess with Y/N and freak her out for a day.

I’m seriously going to punch him.

She was a lot softer toward me after that, you know. I know it’s extremely selfish of me but I just can’t help being so happy. I’m sorry, mom. I really am.

Han Jisung you fucking idiot.

I was going to surprise her on my birthday by saying ‘good morning’ out loud but nothing came out. My voice was gone.

Guilt, anger, remorse take over you. You knew nothing of this. You never once questioned for a logical reason behind the loss of his voice and kept moving onward as if it’s not that big of a deal. You didn’t suspect it as a kind of prank, either. But you still care, all this time! You have been doing everything in your power as a way for both you and Jisung to treasure himself even if he can’t speak anymore.

I went to a check-up last week. Nothing came up. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

However, without fail, the obnoxious part of you will keep wandering back to the concept of soulmates that has been engraved so deeply into the society you’re living in. It makes no sense to you that Jisung lost his voice for no reason right before his sixteenth birthday. This explains it all now.

It’s going to be okay, mom. Because I have Y/N. I know she would come running toward my side over and over again even if she can’t hear me anymore. I really don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.

Jisung knew the penalty for being the first to exchange any words of love yet he still did it. And you were too busy overlooking that stupid pride of yours to say those three words back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to forget what I used to sound like. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

Jisung fixes the strap of his backpack, looking up at his mom after slipping into his sneakers. She ruffles his bed head and hands him a small white box with Jeongin’s bakery’s signature logo on it.

He tilts his head in faint confusion, peering at the box of pastry in his arms.

“Give it to Y/N on the bus, okay? Her parents aren’t home right now. You know how she would always skip breakfast when they’re out of town.”

His eyes light up instantly in realization and Jisung nods, preparing to bid her farewell. Just then, his front door comes flying open. It can’t be a mere acquaintance because there are very few people other than his parents and himself who know of the spare key hidden under the welcome mat.

As Jisung turns around, he’s keenly aware of your teary eyes already trained on him. Which in hindsight, makes no sense. As a result, panic rises within the hollowness of his chest, his lips falling agape but no coherent words come out.

“Y/N, sweetheart,” his mom flinches, slightly caught off guard, “Is everything okay?”

A scowl stretches over your contorted features as you shut the door loudly. “What the hell is this?” you question, shoving the familiar notepad into his chest. “A prank? A prank?! Do you think that this is funny?”

Jisung’s frantic eyes move to read the paper and every single color on his face drains tremendously. He easily recognizes the peculiar paragraph by how much lighter the ink is compared to the rest of the messy lines because his pen was running low and his hand couldn’t stop shaking.

Your voice.

His eyes avert back to look at you. His brows furrow timidly and shaky breaths burst from his lips almost like a desperate cry for help. There’s too much he wants to say, too many things to explain, and too many questions running through his head that he can’t process what to do next. He might just overwhelm both you and himself.

I need to hear it again.

And you might not stay by his side this time.

“Okay, don’t answer me then, I guess,” you chuckle lowly, dipping your head and turning around.

Jisung grabs at your sleeve instinctively and drops the pastry box, his gaze empty and all too knowing. Sorrow glazes over his starry eyes when it starts becoming hard to breathe properly. The outlines of his lips are moving non-stop yet nothing comes following after that.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you rasp out and tug at his hand. Then it hits you. He’s like this because of you. Jisung lost his voice because of you.

His mom cuts into the conversation, “Y/N, you don’t understand!”

“I’m sorry, auntie,” you smile sadly and take off running into the streets.

You, in the midst of your self-loathing and guilt, allow your feet to go wherever they want as your vision spirals into a blur. A single droplet threatens to fall when a forceful hand yanks you back to reality.

It takes Jisung a moment to regain his regular breathing pace. And when he finally gets it, all he can do is call out to you with the same inaudible sounds and the same desperation in his eyes. It seems as though he’s fully aware that the prank was the stupidest, most irrational thing he’s ever done. But there’s more to the ocean within his eyes than just remorse.

“I already told you,” you clench your jaw and slap his hand away, “I don’t fucking know what you’re saying!”

A deep sigh. “Why am I mad? Of course, I’d be mad! It’s because of me that you lost your voice! It’s because I like you, too! Yet I never said it back… You lost your voice because of me! Don't you get it? Why can't you just hate me for the sake of it?!”

You miss his voice. You miss it a lot.

You want to hear it again. You want to hear him call you by your name. You want to stay up late and talk about anything to the ends of the Earth and back with him. You want him to be the obnoxious, chatty Han Jisung you've always known.

You miss how annoyingly loud he is.

“Y-Y...Y/N…!”

Jisung collapses onto his knees, a hand on concrete while the other is on his neck. His chest rises and falls unevenly, muffled noises of discomfort echoing deep down from his throat. Despite that, what you heard just now, is his voice.

“Answer me when I call your name. So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“I promised you, didn’t I,” you spread your arms and smile warmly, “That I’d always answer when you call my name. As long as I can still hear you, I will come running toward you over and over again. Doesn’t matter what it takes, doesn’t matter where you are.”

Jisung lifts his head and tears come rolling down on his cheeks. His throat feels swollen when he stutters with difficulties, trying to convey what’s in his head, “Y-Y/N, don’t- don’t go! Please don’t leave me...!”

“Come here,” you close your eyes with the widest grin on your lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Only when Jisung grows closer and throws his arms around you, sobbing into your uniform do you convince yourself that all of this isn’t a hallucination. The hug is a lot stronger than what you’d expect. First of all, you nearly fell over from the impact and your arms are pinned so tightly to your sides that you feel like your ribs are going to snap.

Everything is so overwhelming that all you can say is, “Ow.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your hair and loosens his arms a bit so you can loop your hands to the nape of his neck and hair.

“You’re so annoying, Han Jisung.”

He purses his lips, sniffling, “You tried to make me snap on purpose. Meanie.”

You quirk a playful brow, “Still like me now?”

“Yeah,” Jisung smiles, “A lot.”

Because he knows that he has you. Until every last star in the galaxy explodes as a supernova, Jisung has you.

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violettelueur · 3 years

Text

ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + KUGISAKI NOBARA || YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH THEM

| featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara from jujutsu kaisen

| warnings : grammar errors, but other than that n/a

| form : headcanons

| published : 19 november

| request : hey hey! i really like your blog's aesthetics and especially your writing! can i order some friendship moments (or an incident, anything!) between first year reader and the main trio?

| barista’s note : hi hi! barista violettelueur is alive and well ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／sorry i haven’t been as active today i was completeing my chemistry mock exam and completing a few study session that i had set up for myself today ʕ – ᴥ – ʔ i’ll try my best to post some pieces today since i can’t leave you guys without your cups of coffee! other than that, i hope the person who requested this enjoys their cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request)

ITADORI YUJI (FEATURING SUKUNA A TINY BIT):

I can’t lie to you, there would probably be a lot of idiotic moments that you have together, that you most likely have to be the sensible one when it is needed.

You know when you hang out with someone, you become dumb like them. Yeah that’s you and Itadori without a single doubt in my mind - but you would still have some common sense lingering in your mind (hopefully)

The both of you will have a lot of movie nights together with the table filled with snacks and fizzy drinks to satisfy your palettes - you both probably plan to have a movie night every Friday.

You would also comment and have full-on discussions on your favourite parts once the movie has ended and probably debate on your favourite characters together.

Manga. You both would always recommend different mangas to each other and that’s the only time you and Itadori have ever allowed someone to borrow a manga book from you.

Yes, both of you would have a lot of trust in each other with your manga books.

And just like with movies, you and Itadori would have deep discussions about your favourite parts, favourite characters and once again have debates here and there.

Sukuna would definitely ask you how and why you are friends with a ‘brat’ like him. Every. Single. Day.

When you and Itadori are training together, expect him to ask a lot of questions during your training session.

Like just random ones on the whim from him wondering what’s he is gonna eat for dinner tonight to seriously asking you how you use your curse energy to do different techniques.

“Y/N what should I eat for tonight? Instant ramen or rice?”

To “How do you use your curse energy to strengthen your legs like that?”

This is also the best time he and you would learn how to fight and cooperate with each other - leading to you and Itadori to drag Gojo-sensei into these sessions from time to time.

There would be times where you and him would fight each other to see what the both of you were lacking - you obviously were lacking in pure strength, like Itadori is just on a different level to that.

There would be times where you have to put him in his place, aka smacking his head or his face to make him wake up or break up his food arguments with Kugisaki.

Overall, expect a lot of chaotic moments with the boy as the mixture with you and him is just pure stupidity and funny moments - he makes you act stupid.

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI:

You and Fushiguro are probably the most sensible out of the first years since Itadori and Kugisaki were already on the chaotic side - if you were not hanging out with Itadori alone.

If you arrived at the school at the same time as him, you would probably be the closest to him as there would always be a feeling of serenity around you.

However, if you can later/the same time around as Kugisaki and Itadori, he would still put his faith and trust in you knowing that both you and him would always have each other’s backs

You and Fushiguro can be in the same room together and not say a single word to each other for hours upon hours - that’s how comfortable you are with each other.

On the other hand, there are times when the both of you would have some deep conversations with each other, talking about anything from his family to your issues - wow you two really trust each other with this type of information.

By the way, his shikigami’s love you - well….expect the one if you know what I mean - as in his divine dogs would act like babies when they’re with you - always brushing up against your leg

Sometimes Fushiguro asks himself if they were really his shikigami’s at this point.

“Focus on the mission Y/N”

“Well I can’t if your dog keeps nudging my hand for me to pet it”

This kind of pointless to do training sessions with you since when he does summon his shikigami, they would just take one look at you and just come up to you for pets and cuddles - yes even the frogs.

So hand to hand combat it is then!

If Fushiguro feels like it’s okay to bring his guard down, he would rest his head on your shoulder to relax or calm himself down after a mission when Ijichi is driving you back to the school.

If both of you had an off day, you and him would most likely go to a nearby coffee shop/cafe (my cafe obviously) and just eat and talk about the most aimless things like Itadori’s love life or what you guys would be doing next after this little meal.

“Why don’t you think Itadori can get a girlfriend?”

“There are posters on his wall that no girl would really like their boyfriend having Y/N”

You and Fushiguro are basically the calm presences within the group, keeping the balance within the first years but to have him as a friend is something that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

KUGISAKI NOBARA:

You and Kugisaki are basically the definition of gossip girls.

Yes, you and Fushiguro do gossip here and there but you and Kugisaki do it to another level.

You and Kugisaki will talk about what you think Gojo-sensei’s type of s/o would be to Kugisaki’s dislike of Mai Zenin.

Expect for a shopping trip every week, from getting new clothes that will probably somehow not be worn until you find it 2 years later or just to admire Tokyo since Kugisaki is from the countryside.

Sometimes you drag both Itadori and Fushiguro to carry your bags or better create some outfits for them - just to spice up their wardrobe a bit.

The two of you would definitely go to every bakery you see, admiring the sweets and treats before sharing a slice of cake together - saving money is essential guys.

Bubble tea!

You both would get bubble tea every time you guys go out together - it’s a tradition at this point.

And you and Kugisaki won’t go to the same shop every time, you guys will explore to find new stores and try out their different flavours

If you and Kugisaki are feeling nice that day, you probably buy bubble tea in bulk and share it with the other guys, begging them to try your new favourite flavours.

“Fushiguro, Itadori, I promise this coffee bubble tea is better than the other one”

“Better than the other one you gave me just yesterday?”

“Aye don’t judge Y/N’s taste, I love it as well!”

When it comes to training sessions, girl….it’s a whole competition between the both of you

This sometimes scares the boys because it seems like none of you are giving up until you break the tie.

Spoiler alert: the tie has never been broken as you guys will be dead tired after the last fight leading to no one gaining a single point lead on your tally so far.

You and Kugisaki will have inside jokes with each other causing both of you to laugh out loud sometimes, scaring the boys once again as from their perspective it seems like you and her just randomly started laughing

“You guys won’t understand” the both of you would say before continuing to laugh.

Overall, you and Kugisaki are two peas in a pod, both funny and competitive with each other as you and her have full respect for each other - yes Maki is both your role model.

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coffeebeannate · 2 years

Text

Written Words

This fic was inspired by the following post

Naming credits for Nile’s family go to @sugarchains

Books littered every safe house. For every nook, cranny and shelf that was available, at least a family or so of books would have a permanent residence within them.

It shouldn’t surprise her, and it didn’t. Cross-legged on the floor with two boxes. Some of those books so old she had to wear gloves and hold them out flat to keep the pages from flittering away. After all, what else would centuries old ancient warriors have amongst their scattered possessions?

Upon one of those tomes, a fascinating little collection of passages about paintings, Nile finds a hand-scrawled note in what she’s come to recognize as Joe’s handwriting. Her grasp of various languages is increasing, but she’s yet to note each word and phrase by sight. Below that, his black ink is added to in red, with Nicky’s handwriting.

This back and forth exist in other books as Nile canvases their contents. A variety of languages, sometimes blue ink, sometimes green. Sometimes the original commentor is Nicky, then Joe is following.

Other times there’s Andy’s handwriting, and Bookers. A few times there have been charming little doodles, and many exaggerated, intense stick figures courtesy of Andy.

Charmed, and feeling an idea from, Nile pieces together these little missives in her head, and more and more she feels inspiration take root.

Her hometown in Chicago had a few used bookstores she could recall from childhood, and though she might be a handful of years out of date..if she was lucky her mother and brother’s interests hadn’t wavered too much.

It had only been a couple years. Surely, they’d not be too different? Nile tries to avoid the painful clench deep within her abdomen, placing a hand over it almost unconsciously over her belted red trench coat.

There’s a threatening cloud coverage above her head, and though it’s only early evening, the strange passage of time before most jobs let out in the evening paired with the stillness of school buses no longer on route, leaves her feeling more like a ghost than ever before.

The hand against her stomach tightens, clenches against fabric.

She could do this, whether the unsettling feeling wanted her to or not. Stalking one’s own family from a distance feels wholly unnatural, but she had to know what to start with if her plan was going to blossom. And even then, the margin of error was high. Once her job was complete, much ended up being left to chance.

For an hour, the foot traffic in and out of the shop offers neither her brother or her mother, and by closing time she’s resigned to coming back tomorrow.

She tells herself the disappointment is the only reason she feels so dizzy.

Even when she knows it’s a lie.

Like the ghost she’s not entirely convinced she isn’t, Nile hovers around the old used bookstore for three days before a figure she recognizes so well trudges in. Shuffling his feet, the same way her brother used to, not yet used to having legs longer than his torso. Awkward, stumbling movements that held far more grace than years prior, but still were not fully coordinated. A man not quite far enough out of the teenage awkwardness to avoid it.

Not that Nile can focus to much on that, eyes glued to the back of her sibling’s yellow hoodie as he steps through the door, the ancient bell chiming off key as ever. For a moment, Nile’s vision clouds, eyes sharpening with tears. All she wants to do, so desperately.

As he vanishes through the door, old flyers and foggy glass obstruct him from view, and any plan Nile had vanished with it. Shoving the book deep under her arm and telling herself it’s not running when she disappears across the parking lot and out of sight.

The next day, Nile donates the two books, and just hopes for the best. Eyes glassy with the memory of yellow and shuffled feet.

It had taken her a week to pick out the books she’d donate. To read them both cover to cover and make them appear worn enough. She’d written the annotations and notes in dark purple ball point. Something she’d been obsessed with as a teenager. All her school notes were written in it when allowed. Sometimes in gel when she felt bold enough to use glitter.

For her brother, she’d picked a large, detailed explanation of constellations. The books dust cover a charming indigo and sprinkled with textured grey star patterns. For her mother, an antique forest green and carmine red dust covered book on obscure herbs.

They’re being sold in the store a day later, and if there’s any chance of someone besides her intended targets picking them out, she tells herself it’s simply part of the risk she’s taken. Heart thumping dangerously when she ducks back out of the store.

By the end of the week, the parking lot has taken a cage like feeling. Each line of paint dividing the car lines feeling like another bar against her skin. So close. He’s so close she could almost just reach out and call to him. And yet, all she can do is stand off to the side, covered by two black trucks and hoping Noel can’t spot her from this distance, the flash of an indigo cover in his hands, and beneath that..that oh so dark red, and green.

She’s charmed, touched and nearly in tears behind her sunglasses as she realizes Noel picked up the book for their mother. So thoughtful of him. It was possible she still worked too late into the evening to get out to the store herself, and he’d always been like that.

“Shouldn’t we bring extra home?” He’d ask if Nile treated him to a snack after school.

“How are we out of apples already?” Natalie had only asked once before she saw the two extra in Noel’s lunch bag.

Now, somehow taller than Nile remembers (telling herself that isn’t possible, he’d finished growing before she..anyway), he stands in that parking lot, mouth moving silently as he reads to himself, head ducked into his chin.

She knows it must feel impossible. Doesn’t even know what he could be thinking right now.

A handwriting he’d know, he’d recognize. One that would speak to him so deeply.

If her brother has many doubts, Nile knows he’s not voicing them. Brow furrowing as he finally readjusts his stance and strokes his fingers over the page. Nile can imagine he’s touching the ink, as if to check how fresh it is. So close to him but unable to move, the same sinking feeling Nile had in her guts the beginning of that week returns with a vengeance, gripping the belt of her coat and digging her fingers in so, so tight.

“Noel..”

Across from her, the book slams shut, her sibling takes a deep breath, and stares up at the sky.

“..Nile.”

A shake, a roll of the shoulders, and when he moves down the parking lot without a shuffle of his steps, confident and a little weary, Nile feels like she and her brother aged ten years in the span of ten seconds.

“I’ll be back” she says, to his once again retreating form. “I promise, Noel..ma, it won’t be just notes.”

She promised.

And Nile believed in keeping her promises.

#the old guard #fanfic #fic #nile #nile freeman #nate does writing #HI I HAVEN'T WRITTEN A THING IN YEARS HELLO

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omgkatinka · 3 years

Text

Breaking and Entering

Summary: Your cat gets you into trouble with your grumpy new neighbour

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Reader

>>> chapter 2

Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of death, mentions of abuse; anxiety, angst, grumpy neighbour / Also: English is not my native language and this is my first and probably last attempt at writing. I do not even know why I tried. This is eventually a result of procrastinating from learning for my exam next week. I mixed up tenses.

Also not betad.

Words: 2.127

Here you were. New Job. New city. New apartment. Again. The past years have been a hassle of starting over.

When did your life take that turn? When your mother died? When you had to leave your grandfather to live with your father because you were underage? When instead going to study English literature like you always dreamed of your father made sure you’d get some fancy business master’s degree? Or when your ex-fiancé abused you and no one believed you because he was not just abusive but manipulative. Your life possibly finally took that turn when you ran. Head over heels. Leaving everything behind but your cat. You stopped counting the places you lived. Well rather visited for you never stayed long. Sometimes your ex would show up and you’d flee. Or you thought you had seen him in a crowd and flee. Or you were getting restless. High Functioning Flight Mode. All the damn time.

Moving days were a constant companion and those days smelled like freedom. It was just you, your SUV and your cat. The little fella would proudly ride shotgun while you sang along your old school rock playlist. Your whole life fit into a car.

This time it is Minneapolis. Large city. Anonymous, easy to vanish. You scored a job at a major financial player. Major as in Fortune 500 major. Thankfully, you worked project based for a while now, so no one ever really questioned your constant moving all over the nation. If they ever read that far in your resume that is. Summa cum laude in combination with a Harvard degree opened most doors for you.

The furnished apartment you found was in a half decent neighbourhood for a change. It was not the smallest you’d lived in and it faced the back of the building onto a yard hosting a huge oak tree.

Settling into Minneapolis was easier than it should have been. Your new co-workers were friendly. Too friendly. Not one lunch break you would get to spend on your own. Especially Marta from accounting was keen to talk to you. She was lovely. It was not her fault you never made friends. Because you never stayed. But still, that insistent woman and a couple of more people gave you a sense of familiarity you would never have expected from a huge company like that.

Most of the new neighbours greeted friendly too. Most, apart from one. When you were unloading your car, he stood right in your way, a bear of a man, shooting you a death glare. Mumbling something about not being allowed to park here and stomping off. You did not pay attention to his word, being intimidated by his sheer size. A broad beast, grumpy at that. You made a mental note to avoid him. Great plan.

Here ‘s the thing with your plans: they tend to simply not work. Three weeks after starting over, you come home to for once not being greeted by Jack. Your cat Jack. Named after an infamous pirate because of his funny face and weird way to walk. Not being greeted by Jack stirred panic. He was old but almost never failed to wait at the door for you. He did not today. Searching the whole place for him you came up empty. When you realised, you had left the bedroom window open in the morning you started to hyperventilate. He liked to sit outside on the fire escape while you got ready in the mornings. Looking outside he is not there either. By now you were freaking out, running downstairs, calling for Jack. Climbing up the roof. Nothing. By now you were crying. Starting to search the apartment one more time. And then once more. At some point you cried yourself to sleep until you are woken up by frantic knocking at your door. While still trying to figure out where you’re at, you glimpse the clock. It says 2 a.m.. Great. And what is this noise? Right. Knocking. On the door. Furious by now.

Opening your door, you find your grumpy neighbour. Even more grumpy. Scowling. „Is this thing yours? “ he asks, lifting Jack into your line of vision.

As relieved as you were to have your cat back. That was when things got out of hand. Thanks to that scare you frantically double checked every window every day before leaving for work. All is good for five days. When you get home on the sixth though – Jack is gone. Again. And the window you double checked the very same morning is open. You panic. Torn between hoping Jack broke into your grumpy neighbours’ place again hence being safe and him sitting on the roof calling out pigeons. You check the yard, the roof. No Jack. Hesitantly you knock at Mr. Grumpy’s door. No answer. Going onto midnight you hear the elevator and spy onto the floor. There he is. You brace yourself and head out. Looking apologetic. „um Hi, I am so sorry, but my cat escaped again. Would you mind checking if he did break into your place again? “. He does not answer. Unless grunts count as answers. He just raises an eyebrow at you and tilts his head in direction of his door. You avoid breathing and follow him into his apartment. Where you find your cat sits lounging on the couch like he owns the place. You cannot help but snort. That is what you get naming the little fella after a pirate. Breaking and entering seems to be his thing. It takes you a moment to realise Mr. Grumpy is staring at you, so you take a deep breath, apologize again and introduce yourself. „You really need to close your windows, you know? Not just from keeping that thing in your place but also to keep others out.“. Telling him, you double checked your windows just earns you a headshake. And there is that critical eyebrow again. Great. Then it dawns on you „if your so adamant on checking windows, how do you think Jack got in here? “. Now he looks puzzled. „Who is Jack? “ he asks and you fight hard to not snort again. “The cat, obviously” you answer. That earns you another grunt. ‘Great at communication that specimen’ you think and grab your cat. “Uhm, I am so sorry he, uhm…, we invaded your place again. So so sorry. Thanks for your patience. Good night, Mister?” “Marshall”. And that is the last thing he says. “Well good night Mister Marshall”. At that you hold on to your furry, purring companion and head back into your apartment. From now it will be triple checking the windows it seems.

Three times within the next you need to get your cat from his new favourite hideaway during the next week. The only new thing is Mr Grumpy telling you “it’s just Marshall”. Everything else is the same. Like being trapped in a fucking time lapse. Him scowling, telling you to “fucking check your windows” and giving you that critical eyebrow of doom. Each time though, you start to notice things. About his place. About him. He seems to live out of boxes. His shelves are empty. The only cosy thing seems to be the fluffy blanket Jack made his favourite place on the black leather couch. Also, he wears a gun. And a batch. You despise guns but guess this one comes with the job. And his accent is foreign. No, not foreign, it is English. A bit like a lost, grumpy Mr. Darcy. WHAT? Mr. Darcy? You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you finally going insane? Now take your cat and get out of here!

How do you reason with a cat? You surely tried but the next time you have not even noticed Jack vanishing. It’s a Saturday and you were just filling your coffee cup when there is knocking on your door again. You open the door to a sleepy looking Marshall, holding Jack. Shrugging. Something is different. Taking your cat out of his huge hands you are about to apologize again, when he beats you to speaking “did you just make coffee?”. You nod and he steps into your apartment. “Well, come in, why don’t you?” you mutter and find him standing in front of your kitchen island, scratching his head, looking kind of lost. With huge eyes and a suddenly small voice he says “sorry for barging in like that, your little fella here woke me up. Pretty sassy for such a small guy. Would you mind sharing a cup of coffee? I forgot to go grocery shopping and seem to run out of everything.”. For a moment you stare at him, stunned from the number of words he just threw at you and the lack of grunts. When you remember how to use your words, you tell him to take a seat, grab a cup and ask him how he prefers his coffee. Fixing both your cups and setting them on the table you finally get to apologize again for your little intruder, constantly breaking into his place. Marshall just shrugs at that and admits, that he has no idea how Jack opens the windows. He himself started to double and triple check his windows and it should not even be possible to open them from the outside. It is that moment you realise what is different. He looks sleepy but barely as tired as before and more important. He’s not grumpy. That’s new. And you do not know how to handle that. After silently drinking his coffee, he thanks you for the coffee and crouches down to pet Jack and tells him something that sounds like ‘see you mate’, then tells you goodbye and takes his leave.

It is the next Friday that you come home to a post-it on your door with “Jack is visiting” scribbled on it. Somehow you remember your cat not being overly fond with men, but he seems to have a soft spot for this one. Or his couch. Taking a deep breath, you turn and move over to knock at the next door. Heavy relaxed footsteps near and Marshall opens the door widely, motioning for you to come in. “We were just about to choose a movie and call for pizza. Why don’t you change into something more comfortable and join us?”. You look at the man as if he did just grow two more heads. Raising his eyebrow at you he adds “maybe choose pizza before you head over, so I can order already”. Shaking off the initial shock, you apologize. Before you can actually try to take a leave, he sternly asks “did you have dinner?”. When you shake your head, he repeats “come on, it’s just pizza and a movie. And maybe we should use the opportunity to discuss a shared custody arrangement for Jack.”. At that your stomach rumbles and when you see the glint in Marshalls eyes, you know this is a battle not worth fighting. And you are hungry. You tell him your pizza order and head over to shower and get changed. You wonder how you are not nervous about this. Since things went south with your ex you could hardly stand to be alone with one man. Let alone spend the evening at his place for dinner and movie.

Back at Marshalls place he offers you a bottle of water and his cosy looking armchair. While himself settling beside Jack on the couch. He suggests watching pirates of the Caribbean and you accept, telling him that you actually named the cat after Jack Sparrow to which he counters “It’s captain. Captain Jack Sparrow.”. The evening proceeds with you watching the movie, laughing and having pizza. You are taken aback to realise he actually ordered some extra tuna for Jack. From time to time, you catch yourself watching Marshall instead of the movie. He seems so much younger when relaxed. And handsome. How did you not realise what a beautiful face hides behind those curls and that beard?

After the movie you grab your snoring cat and thank Marshall for the evening when he pushes something cold into your free hand. You need a moment to realise, that he just handed you a key and give him a puzzled look. “I told you we’ll need a shared custody agreement, considering this little one keeps breaking and entering and claiming this apartment. I often work long hours and when shit hits the fan even spend the nights at the office. You might need it to retrieve the lodger.”. With that he winks - well tries to and fails – and opens the door for you, telling you goodnight.

#henry cavill fanfiction #walter marshall

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nol-an · 3 years

Text

when our stars aligned || n. patrick

hello everyone! i’m super excited to finally be posting this slow burn, friends-to-lovers fic that has been in the works for almost a month now!

grab a drink and some snacks, this one’s 12.5k words (and not proofread oops)! as always, feedback is appreciated <3 enjoy!

__________

+ her

Your sweater-clad figure collapsed into your plush mattress as soon as you finished your last assignment for the day. After a hell week of university, you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your night de-stressing and indulging in the bottle of wine that had been calling your name since the beginning of the week. You wanted nothing more than to catch up on the Bachelorette —because who doesn’t love trash TV— and to coil yourself in blankets for the rest of the night.

On the other hand, your best-friend-slash-roommate, Maya, had different plans. She was fully convinced that the only proper remedy to your school-induced slump was a night out on the town. However, you knew that Maya’s plans for you would really just result in you third-wheeling her and her boyfriend, Joel. You don’t even need to ask your friend to know that Joel would be coming along too because the two were a package deal. Although you don’t mind Joel and think he’s a wonderful match for your long-time friend, the last thing you need is to be awkwardly tagging along with the sometimes overly-affectionate couple.

After a back-and-forth negotiation that seemed to last hours, you finally agreed to Maya’s proposition after she offered to wash the dishes and take out the trash for the next two weeks. You still expressed that you wouldn’t be happy if you came across any Bachelorette spoilers while you were out with Maya and Joel, but eventually, your mind became occupied by thoughts of what to wear. Deciding not to think too much into your outfit, you settled for a Pittsburgh Penguins pullover and your comfiest pair of black jeans. You sprayed yourself with perfume and glanced in your mirror one last time before leaving your room with the hopes of returning to your tempting bed soon.

As Joel’s car pulled into the parking lot of your and Maya’s apartment complex, you soon noticed a figure in the passenger seat. Squinting to see if you recognized the man, all you could deduce was that he had long hair and florid cheeks. Turning to Maya in confusion, your best friend looked unbothered as a grin spread across her face at the sight of her boyfriend. You trailed behind her as she jogged towards Joel’s car. She promptly gave him a peck on his cheek before giving the stranger in the passenger seat a hug. Huh, so maybe he wasn’t a stranger after all.

It only took you a few seconds afterwards to realize what was going on.

You were going to kill Maya.

As if she read your mind, your best friend waved you over to the car. Deciding to play nice for the sake of Maya and her excitement, you plastered on your best I-don’t-want-to-be-here-but-you-don’t-know-that smile, and greeted the two guys.

“Y/N, this is Nolan, one of Joel’s friends,” Maya explained. “I know you said you didn’t wanna third wheel, so Joel and I, being the wonderful friends we are, took what you said to heart,” she laughed as she watched your smile twitch a little.

It always took you a while to warm up to strangers and being your best friend of three years, Maya knew you were going to give her an earful after the night was over. So, she figured she’d at least have some fun while she was at it. Your eyes sent daggers in her direction before you waved at Joel and stuck your hand out to greet Nolan.

Other than his small smile that you would’ve missed if you weren’t as observant, Nolan didn’t give much indication that he wanted to be here, either. Great. You couldn’t read his expressions, but you hoped to god that this night wouldn’t be as awkward as you think it’s going to be.

Shortly after the introductions, you and Nolan are squeezed into the back of Joel’s car as him and Maya bicker over who should get the aux. Rolling your eyes, you turn to Nolan, who looks quite amused at the couple’s antics. Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to break the ice, you attempted to start a conversation with Nolan.

“I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve been stuck in the same space as Joel and Maya, either?” you joked.

He chuckled and angled his body a little closer towards you. “Unfortunately it’s not. If I’m being honest, this is not how I envisioned my Friday night going.”

Immediately processing his own words, a blush formed across his cheeks. “I- that’s not what I meant. I mean, I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but Joel told me that we were getting food with Maya. I didn’t know this,” he used his right hand to gesture around the car, “was his actual plan,” he explained.

You couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped your lips, your eyes glinting with amusement. “I’m in the same boat. No one mentioned that you were coming, but honestly, I’m glad I’m not third-wheeling because I wanna puke every time they get too lovey-dovey.”

Nolan nodded in agreement, “You know what, Y/N? I think we’re gonna get along just fine.”

Relieved that Nolan was a lot less intimidating than you initially thought, you agreed with his comment and thanked the gods that this night was starting to look up.

“But there is one issue,” Nolan spoke up.

Your raised eyebrows cued him to speak again.

“I don’t know how I feel about that Pens sweatshirt of yours.”

+ him

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing?” an amused Kevin Hayes emerged from his room. He’d been living with Nolan for quite some time now, but the last thing he expected was to wake up to the sight of his roommate organizing their apartment, dust swiffer and all. There was even a vase of fresh flowers that Kevin sure as hell didn’t buy or remember seeing last night.

“Isn’t it fucking obvious, Hayesy? I’m cleaning the place,” Nolan deadpanned.

“Ok firstly, no shit. I was hoping you’d explain why you’re cleaning. I didn’t even know we had this much cleaning supplies,” Kevin quipped back, glancing over at the array of window and wood cleaner that was haphazardly strewn across the kitchen counter.

“Y/N is coming over,” Nolan curtly responded. He didn’t need to turn his focus away from scrubbing away the stove top’s stains to know that his roommate had a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I thought you said the two of you were just friends?”

“Can’t friends hang out?” Nolan retaliated.

“Sure, they can. But why are you disinfecting this whole place? Teeks comes over all the time and you never do this for him,” Kevin pointed out. He knew Nolan enough to know that you weren’t “just a friend.” Nolan talked about you way too much for that to be the case.

“It’s the first time she’s coming over. I just don’t want her thinking we live in a pigsty,” Nolan started, “which is gonna be a little difficult considering you leave your shit all around the place. Plus, don’t act like you’ve never cleaned the place up when you’ve had someone over.”

Kevin was having a little too much fun messing with Nolan. “Okay, first of all, that was one time. And it was for a girl I liked,” Kevin enunciated his last word.

Nolan knew Kevin had a point, but he’d be damned if he let Hayesy know that. Nevertheless, Nolan’s silence gave it away, and that was all Kevin needed to rest his case.

“Deny your feelings all you want, but I know you like her — even if you don’t even know it yourself. Don’t be surprised when I say ‘I-told-you-so,’” Kevin laughed as he headed towards the front door. “m’Gonna head out, but text me if you need anything. Maybe confess your feelings for Y/N while you’re at it.”

Nolan flipped off his roommate. Sometimes he was sure that Kevin was a middle-schooler trapped in a grown man’s body. Why couldn’t you and him be friends without feelings being involved? Nolan was sure you only saw him in a platonic light and he was perfectly fine with that. If anything, he was glad to have met you — in the few months you’ve been in his life, you’ve become a breath of fresh air from his circle of Flyers friends. Sure, he didn’t think the two of you would talk again after the little number that Maya and Joel pulled, but he was glad that his friendship with you bloomed. Not only was he glad to know someone else to tolerate Maya and Joel’s shenanigans with, but he enjoyed how you made him feel like he didn’t have to maintain any facade. Your welcoming aura appreciated Nolan as the goofy, indie music-obsessed Winnipeg native — not a Flyers centerman who was more often than not, under the microscope of Philly and NHL media. He was perfectly content with the friendship and appreciated the soothing presence you offered. Wasn’t that enough of an indication that the two of you were just friends?

Within the next twenty minutes, three knocks on the door vibrated through the apartment, and Nolan rushed to the door to greet you. A smile gleamed on your face and you greeted Nolan with a hug. Although it was your first time hanging out at Nolan’s place — the two of you usually stuck to more public locations — nothing about the exchange was awkward and for that, Nolan was extremely thankful. He knew his quiet demeanor could sometimes scare people away, but you didn’t seem to mind it. Instead, you were patient with him and understood that the two of you would become more comfortable around each other as time wore on.

After setting your bag down on the key table, you casually dove into a story about how you nearly couldn’t make it to Nolan’s apartment because you were convinced you lost your keys.

It was nice, nothing felt stiff and Nolan was relieved that the two of you were able to skip the formalities that usually occur when someone visits for the first time.

Once you wrapped up your story, you finally took the chance to look around Nolan’s home. From the look on your face, Nolan knew you were expecting the place to look different. Whether or not that look was a good thing, however, he wasn’t sure.

“Nols, if I’m gonna be honest here, I was not expecting you and Kevin to have such an organized place,” you laughed, your light-hearted tone indicating that you meant it in the nicest way possible.

Releasing the breath he was holding, Nolan chuckled a bit. “Well, don’t get used to it. It’s only this clean like once a month,” he laughed while scratching the back of his neck. He almost contemplated telling you all the trouble he went through to make sure the apartment was clean for you, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him not to. Probably a good call. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Yea, water would be great,” you sat on one of the kitchen’s bar stools and watched Nolan pad over to the fridge. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing as you peered into the relatively empty fridge.

The hockey player rolled a chilled water bottle over to you, perplexed by your reaction. “If you have something to say, say it to my face,” Nolan attempted to intimidatingly say. His cheery voice and sheepish smile gave away his tough-guy act, though.

“Just wondering how you have like three things in your fridge. What are you supposed to make with two carrots and eggs?” you chuckled.

Nolan feigned offense. “I’ll have you know that my ultra-busy schedule doesn’t let me go grocery shopping much. You should be honored that I was able to fit you into my agenda.” It wasn’t a lie that time didn’t permit Nolan to go shopping for food often, but he knew that if you wanted to hang, he would’ve found a way to make it work. But that’s normal, right? Friends can be excited to hang out with friends, right?

“So I’m guessing your pantry is just as bad?” you inquired.

“Ever the detective, Y/N,” Nolan confirmed. He opened the pantry door, gesturing to the several empty shelves.

Seconds later, the two of you got into a conversation about your favorite snacks. Nolan wasn’t sure how he found so much entertainment from talking about cookies and chips, but he wasn’t complaining. The discussion eventually moved over to the living space of the apartment, where you and Nolan settled on watching “How to Get Away With Murder” before promptly resuming your increasingly-heated debate on the best snacks.

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore, Nols. How could you possibly like goldfish more than cheez-its?” you seriously questioned.

“They’re the superior snack, can’t do anything about that. That’s like asking me to choose between indie and country music, no competition,” Nolan shrugged.

Promising Nolan that you’d one day convince him otherwise, you let the conversation slowly fade out as the show started. The next few hours passed by in a blur. There were some side-conversations here, and there, but the two of you were mainly focused on the show and enjoying each other’s presence.

You’re not sure when it happened, but you and Nolan started sharing the same blanket. Minutes later, you were curled into his side, your head resting lightly on his right shoulder. You were so close to him that you could feel his body rumble with laughter every time you made a witty comment. Despite the position the two of you were in, things didn’t go further than that. You didn’t think much of it and based on Nolan’s concentration on the show, it didn’t seem like he gave it much thought, either.

It was nice. More than nice, really. You became so comfortable that you had to keep yourself from dozing off. Every once in a while, Nolan’s hand would play with your hair, his gentle movements nearly lulling you to sleep.

Eventually, you two found a good stopping point and you told Nolan that you should start heading home, not wanting to overstay your visit. Although Nolan protested, you insisted that you would definitely find another time to see him soon and that he should hang out with Kevin, who had gotten home just a few minutes ago.

“Text me when you get home, alright?”

“Yea, of course. Don’t watch any episodes without me, okay?” you said, sticking out your pinky to make Nolan promise.

“Only if you bring over some of your homemade chocolate-chip cookies that you talked about earlier,” he bargained.

“Deal,” you waved goodbye to Nolan one last time before slipping out the door. “Tell Hayesy I said hi,” you hollered from down the hall.

Speaking of the devil himself, Kevin walked over to Nolan once he shut the door. Before Kevin could even wipe the smirk off his face, Nolan stopped him.

“Just friends, Hayesy,” Nolan reaffirmed.

+ him

Another few months passed on, and everything proceeded as normal. You and Nolan’s bond inevitably grew, and he could confidently call you one of his best friends. You two made an effort to hang out at least every other week, and your plans ranged from short weekend getaways to study sessions where Nolan attempted to help you cram for tests. Nolan loved every second he spent with you, and he was more than grateful that Maya and Joel had introduced you to him. Eventually, the hang-out regimen that you and Nolan had developed started wavering as the universe had different plans for you two. You had totally forgotten about a major ten page paper you had to do and with the season starting soon, Nolan was back to practices and workout sessions nearly every day.

You two texted and FaceTimed, though, so not all was a lost cause. Especially for Nolan, it felt as if he was spending every minute of his free time talking to or texting you — not that he minded it, anyway. The text conversations were always light-hearted and mostly consisted of funny tweets and song recommendations. Even when you and Nolan called, your minds that were typically flooded with thoughts of school or hockey became more relaxed upon hearing the other’s voice.

After wrapping up a morning skate with Travis, Nolan checked his phones for any notifications.

Hayesy: Y/N is here. Not sure why but she was looking for you.

With panicked eyes, Nolan tried to think of all of the reasons why you’d be at his apartment. The blood nearly drained out of his face at the thought of making plans with you and accidentally forgetting, but he reassured himself that there was no way that was the case.

Is she okay???? Nolan quickly texted before running into the showers.

Nolan had never showered and changed that quickly, and he was almost positive that he put his shirt on backwards as he ran to his car. He mentally cursed Kevin, who for some reason thought it was acceptable to send him a cryptic text about you without any follow-up. You were usually good about texting Nolan about any updates to your life, so Nolan couldn’t help when his mind started conjuring worst-case scenarios.

Once Nolan got to his apartment complex, he sprinted up dozens of flights of stairs thinking that they’d be faster than the elevator. However, coupled with his growing soreness from his earlier workout, each step on the stairs sent rays of pain through his legs and a regret for thinking the stairs would be a good idea.

After it felt like he had run a marathon, the hockey player finally reached his door. He frustratingly searched for his keys, hoping to god you were okay.

Nolan swung the door open with so much force that he was almost sure he’d have to tighten the screws on its hinges. “Y/N?” Nolan called. His frantic eyes searched for your figure, but he was instead met with the sight of his roommate.

“You just missed her,” Kevin replied from the kitchen. In his hand was what looked like a cookie, and behind him was at least three grocery bags. “I told her to stay because I figured you’d be home soon, but she seemed like she was in a rush. Something about a paper she had,” Kevin elaborated, his mouth full of the cookies. “Did you run here from the rink or something? You look like shit,” Hayesy jokingly noted.

Nolan rolled his eyes at his roommate and sighed, genuinely relieved to know that you were alright. As soon as any of the fears of you being hurt left his system, Nolan started thinking about how he would’ve been able to see you had Travis not persuaded him to run extra drills. It had felt like centuries since he last saw you, and seeing you even just for a second would have undoubtedly made his day better. Dammit, Travis.

Deciding he didn’t want to endure any of Kevin’s teasing, Nolan suppressed his disappointment and tried to subtly get more details out of his roommate.

“She didn’t text me about coming over. What did she need?”

“Well, after making fun of us for our empty fridge and pantry, she said gave me all of these bags,” Kevin gestured to the bags behind him. “Said she visited a grocery store nearby and figured she could get some stuff for us, too,” he continued.

A smile graced Nolan’s face as he recalled the conversation you and he shared about his grocery shopping (or lack thereof) habits.

“She also brought over these cookies she made, but I think I’m gonna have to take these for myself,” Kevin grinned, reaching for another cookie from the tupperware container. “Why do my ‘just-friends’ never bake me cookies?” he nearly moaned at the taste of the treats.

“Maybe because you have no restraint and eat cookies that are meant for your roommate, you jerk,” Nolan remarked.

“Hey, I was being nice by telling you she brought these cookies over. If I really wanted to, I could’ve hid these. You can have a bite, though,” he stuck out his already half-eaten cookie in front of Nolan’s face.

Flipping Kevin off, Nolan walked over to the counter with the bags. Pulling out their contents, he slowly started placing everything in the pantry and fridge. In the second bag, he found a box of cheez-its with a small piece of paper tacked on the top.

Doing you a favor by buying you these, no need to thank me. Miss ya lots <3

Under the message, your name was messily etched onto the lined paper along with a smiley face. Nolan could almost hear your feigned-snarkiness through your note.

Once all of the groceries were put away, Nolan returned to his room. He immediately plugged in his phone before pressing your name under his FaceTime contacts. It only took a couple of rings before you picked up. Your hair was in a loose ponytail, large glasses covering your face. You looked exhausted from the stress you were undoubtedly experiencing because of your soon-to-be-due paper, but your positive personality radiated through Nolan’s phone screen nonetheless.

“Should I feel guilty that my snack collection was so pathetic that a busy college student felt compelled to take time out of their day to buy me food?” Nolan joked.

“I felt guilty that we had been friends for months before I found out that your pantry was that pathetic,” you laughed. “But seriously, don’t worry about it. I was in the area and I know you’ve been super busy recently so I figured I could help you out. The cheez-its were the first thing I saw in the store and I thought of you and that conversation we had when I came to your place for the first time,” you sheepishly responded.

Every few seconds, your eyes would dart back to your laptop, where you were taking notes. Nolan knew that you would never want him to think that he was calling you at a bad time, but the laptop’s reflections on your glasses gave away your act. Of course he felt bad, but he was momentarily distracted by the warm feeling that overcame him. It was such a sweet gesture, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t get butterflies at the sound of your confession.

“Y/N you didn’t have to do this, but I really appreciate it. Thanks for the cookies, too. Pretty sure Hayesy destroyed half of the container before I even got home,” Nolan laughed.

“Oh, gosh,” you started, “in hindsight I probably should’ve texted you to let you know I was coming over, but I wanted to surprise you.”

Upon hearing you words, Nolan’s beaming smile grew impossibly wider. And to his dismay, the butterflies came back for a second time.

“Hey, I gotta go but I promise I’ll text you soon. My prof is out for blood with this assignment,” you groaned. “Maybe we can do dinner at your place now that you have more than two things in your fridge.”

Nolan laughed off your banter and nodded in agreement. He felt like a giddy school girl. “Yea, yea of course. We can pick up on ‘How to Get Away With Murder’ while we’re at it.”

“It’s a date,” you flashed him a thumbs up. “Oh, and I think your shirt’s on backwards,” you giggled and tugged at the collar of your own sweater to emphasize your point. Luckily for Nolan, you hung up before you could see his embarrassed expression.

Had it not been for the fact that you called your upcoming plans with Nolan a “date,” he would have cared more about his shirt issue. But, here he was laying in his bed and already counting down the days until he’d get to see you again.

He knew you meant it as a friend date, but could you blame him for envisioning what it’d be like to go on a romantic date with you? He wanted to bake homemade cookies with you, run his fingers through your hair when you were stressed from school, and become consumed in pointless conversations about anything and everything with you. Hell, he even wanted to help you proofread your school papers, even if he’d have no idea what the fuck the Pygmalion Effect is. He adored so many things about you and was more than willing to jump through hoops and hurdles if it meant he could be your source of happiness and support.

And that’s when Nolan knew he was in trouble. He had never let his mind drift this far, and he usually had enough self-restraint to stop himself from envisioning you as his girlfriend. He knew he needed to stop before he dug a hole for himself that he wouldn’t be able to get out of. But if he was being honest, Nolan quite liked the warm feeling he had from the thought of calling you his.

Oh god.

Nolan was so far gone for you. Kevin knew it, his teammates probably knew it from the dozens of times he managed to bring you up in conversations, and now he certainly knew it for himself. What he didn’t know, however, was if you felt the same feeling of anticipation in the pit of your stomach at the thought of being more than just friends.

+ her

After your FaceTime call with Nolan, you finally gathered enough motivation to finish your paper. You weren’t sure if it was because of your excitement to see Nolan or because you were sick of staring at your screen, but you were nonetheless relieved when you sent off the finalized version of your work.

The two of you eventually settled on meeting at his place on Saturday night, which was only a couple of days away.

If you were being frank with yourself, you knew that you were catching feelings for Nolan, but how could you not? He has immaculate music taste, is a great listener, and always knows the best ways to make your off-days better. Not long after you met him for the first time, you had a feeling that it wouldn’t take long for you to want a more-than-friends relationship with him. In fact, it was frightening to acknowledge how much better your life has been now that Nolan is involved. You were a little embarrassed that he was able to sweep you off your feet as quickly as he did, but you couldn’t control how you felt. Well, that’s at least what you kept telling yourself.

You weren’t entirely sure how to deal with your feelings for Nolan. You relied on familiarity and stability in your life, and if Nolan didn’t reciprocate your feelings towards him, there was no doubt all hell would break loose — at least for you. Per every rom-com you’ve ever watched, you were fully aware that unrequited feelings, in most cases, was a one-way ticket to a doomed and awkward friendship. If confessing your feelings towards an indifferent Nolan meant that your friendship with him would be jeopardized, you would gladly keep your thoughts to yourself.

It was hard, though. Sometimes he treated you like you were the only person in the room, and other times, it felt pretty clear that he only saw you in an extremely platonic light. Of course none of your friends could tell the difference between your interactions with the centerman because they always teased the two of you about needing to finally date each other. However, his mixed-signals convinced you that you had a chance with him on some nights and that you were overthinking everything the next.

As much as you wanted to tell Maya about your dilemma, you knew that she was terrible at keeping secrets. In any other circumstance, you would’ve told her that you liked someone the minute you found out. However, considering how her boyfriend’s a teammate of Nolan, it would have been game over if Joel knew. As much as he prided himself on having a tighter seal on secrets than Maya, he wasn’t much of an improvement from your best friend. You considered telling your other friends because you desperately needed someone to vent-out your feelings to, but you didn’t have the energy to explain how you ended up being wrapped around the fingers of a Philadelphia Flyers player.

So, here you were, in bed and confused. You were counting down the days until you’d get to see Nolan again, but you also wish you had more time to figure out what to do about your feelings. Part of you told you that you could handle pushing away your emotions for the few hours you would be with Nolan. The other (and more obnoxious) part of your brain, though, sent blaring red sirens through your body at the thought of your Plan A. It warned you that internalizing your feelings was a terrible idea and that no matter how tempting it would be to pretend like you weren’t falling for Nolan, maybe it’d be better to just rip off the bandaid and tell him.

You went back and forth between your two plans and were sure that if anyone could take a look into your brain, they would be faced with thoughts that were racing around at a million miles per hour. (And they’d probably have pity on you.)

As if someone was witnessing your inner turmoil fetter within you in real time, it seemed like your prayers for more time were answered when you fell ill with a cold Saturday morning.

Sure, it wasn’t ideal. You sure as hell were not enjoying your congestion and occasional chills, but at least you had plenty of time to sort things out. It was disappointing to know that you wouldn’t get to see Nolan, but he was extremely understanding of your issue. He reassured you that you shouldn’t feel guilty for bailing, especially since you were sick. He even made you promise that you would get plenty of rest and that you wouldn’t apologize for something you couldn’t control.

With those words from Nolan, you took your promise to heart and slipped into a much-needed slumber.

+ him

“So, Patty, care to explain to Teeks what you were planning to use these candles for?” Hayesy teased as he plucked a tealight candle from its spot on the kitchen table.

Kevin knew you and Nolan had made plans for dinner, and he also happened to know that Nolan finally came to terms with his feelings for you. As much as he chirped the younger hockey player, he was glad that Nolan wasn’t beating around the bush anymore. Kevin adored you and had no doubt that you were a perfect match for his friend.

Travis, on the other hand, looked extremely confused. With furrowed eyebrows, he shifted his focus from the television to Nolan, who was sending death glares at his roommate.

“Well, I, um-” Nolan was cut off by Kevin.

“Patty here was gonna have a super-romantic, candle-lit dinner with the girl he’s been pining over for ages,” Kevin excitedly cut to the chase. If a bystander didn’t know any better, they’d think that Kevin was more ecstatic about the dinner than Nolan.

Those words definitely caught Travis’ attention. He got up from his spot from the couch and joined his two friends in the kitchen. “Wow, Pats,” he playfully shoved his friend's shoulder, “took you long enough. Was fully convinced I was gonna have to do something about your weak game.”

Nolan’s eyes widened upon hearing TK’s comments. Was he really that obvious?

He could barely comprehend his feelings for you just a couple of days ago, and he definitely didn’t tell Travis about these newly-discovered feelings yet. He didn’t even plan to tell Kevin about it. He fully intended to have you be the first to know, but Kevin managed to get Nolan to crack.

“Ok, fuck off,” Nolan mumbled. Sure, he was a little slow at realizing his feelings, but better late than never. “Y/N was supposed to come over for dinner tonight, but she’s sick,” Nolan explained. He purposefully left out the fact that he was toying with the idea of confessing his feelings for you after the now-cancelled dinner.

“Oh shit,” Travis was the first to speak up.

“Does that mean you’ll be cooking for us instead?” Kevin added, wiggling his eyebrows towards Nolan and fist-bumping Travis.

“No, I don’t know what it means, but I can tell you right now that there is no way in hell I’m cooking for you two slobs.” Nolan replied. “I was thinking of bringing soup over to her place as a surprise or something.”

At that, both Travis and Kevin’s faces told Nolan that they needed him to elaborate.

“What? She told me that she was craving soup, and Maya is on that road trip with Joel so I figured…” Nolan’s voice gradually decreased in volume.

Travis was the first to interject, “I, for one, think that’s a great idea. Gotta roll with the punches, you know?”

Of course, no conversation between the three guys would be completed without Kevin’s incessant teasing. “We can barely tolerate you when we’re fully healthy — what makes you think Y/N is gonna want to see you while she’s sick?” he chuckled.

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Nolan groaned.

“You know you love me,” Hayesey playfully blew a kiss in Nolan’s direction. “Here, let TK and me help you with the soup. We gotta make sure it doesn’t make Y/N feel worse than she already does,” he suggested.

+ him & her

Staying true to his words, Kevin made sure Nolan’s attempt at making homemade soup went smoothly. After getting a thumbs-up from both of his teammates, Nolan filled some soup containers up and headed over to your place. He opted out from texting you about his arrival just in case you were sleeping and banked on the possibility that you still had a spare key under the small flower pot in front of your door.

Although Nolan nagged you for the key placement and insisted that it was a terrible hiding place for a key, he was grateful that it was still there when he arrived to your apartment’s door. Quietly letting himself in, he set the soup on the kitchen island before softly calling your name.

He quietly treaded to your room, which he’d only been in twice out of the dozens of times he had come over. Once he poked his head into your bedroom, he couldn’t stop his heart from overflowing with adoration for you. You were swaddled in a mountain of pillows and blankets. Your soft snores flowed through the room, and your messy hair partially covered your content face. You looked like you were at peace, and Nolan was glad to see that you were resting up.

The sight of you filled him with joy and he silently thanked his past-self for not calling and waking you up. Snapping himself out of his trance, Nolan had to remind himself that he was probably being extremely creepy. You probably wouldn’t let him live it down if you caught him, and he knew he wouldn’t have any excuse for his compromising position. Well, other than the fact that he was hopelessly falling for you and that everything you did made his feelings for you increasingly clear.

With it being close to dinnertime, Nolan figured that it wouldn’t be much longer until you woke up. He returned back into the living space of your apartment and found a comfortable place on the suede couch as he waited.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, you emerged from your bedroom. “Nolan?” you softly murmured. The two syllables were coated in drowsiness, and Nolan swore he would’ve done anything to hear you utter his name like that again.

He looked up from his phone and suddenly had to remind himself how to breathe.

You were wrapped in a wool blanket, but a sliver of your sweater peaked out from the part where your blanket couldn’t fully cover. He’d recognize the black and orange pattern anywhere, but what stuck out to him was the “19” that was spread across the corner of your sweatshirt. Well, it was actually his sweatshirt if he wanted to get technical. His heart was beating out of his chest at the sight of you wearing his clothes and if he wasn’t sure if he was falling in love with you before, he was definitely sure now.

“I-, hi, Y/N. M’sorry for coming over like this, but I knew you said you wanted soup, and my mom has the really great chicken noodle soup recipe, and Teeks and Hayesy even helped me even though I’m not really sure if that was the best idea because Teeks almost mistook cinnamon for cayenne but-” Nolan started to ramble. He wasn’t sure why he was so flustered. It was the first time he’d gone out of his way this much for a girl and he was subconsciously stalling just in case you might’ve perceived his act of kindness as something that was way too creepy and something that supposed just-friends don’t do.

“Nols,” you started, “that’s so sweet of you, but you didn’t have to do that! I could’ve just sent for an UberEats so you wouldn’t have had to go through all of that trouble for me.”

Nolan wanted to stop you and let you know that he’d swim across the Atlantic Ocean for you. However, he settled for something a little less revealing. “Don’t worry, Y/N, I promise I wanted to do this. Plus if I didn’t, how would I have gotten to see you wearing my number?” he smirked.

Your gaze slowly descended to your body, where you were in fact wearing Nolan’s sweater. He forgot to take it home the last time he was over at your place, and you couldn’t help that it looked extremely comfy. A rush of blood and warmth flooded through your face. “I started wearing it because I missed you and it smells like your cologne,” you cringed for including that last detail, “but it’s actually so soft and I don’t think I’ll be returning this,” you tightened the blanket around you to emphasize your point.

Were you trying to kill Nolan? His brain was overloaded with emotions and this was probably the nail in the coffin. This was it for him. In the few seconds following your explanation, he knew he’d do everything in his power to get to see you like this for the rest of his life. He was sure a younger version of himself would’ve laughed at him for being so dramatic, but he also knew that his younger-self hadn’t met you yet.

“You pull off the sweater better than I do, so you can keep it,” he cheekily smiled. His eyes couldn’t decide if they’d rather look at your sleep-pampered face or his sweatshirt that engulfed you.

“What rom-com movie did you pull that line from?” you chuckled.

He dramatically gasped, “I’m truly offended.” He also took note of how you’ve been standing in the same place for minutes, “Also, why are you standing so far away? Promise I don’t bite,” Nolan joked while he reached out in your direction with grabby hands.

“I don’t wanna get you sick. Don’t know how your coach would feel if you caught the cold with the season so close,” you reasoned with a playful tone.

“That’s a later problem. Please c’mere, I missed you too much,” his eyes pleaded with yours. How could you say no when he had that look on his face?

You hesitatingly approached Nolan, still trying to keep your distance from him. You genuinely didn’t want to get him sick, but you were also still deciding about whether or not you wanted to bury away your feelings for him or let him know what was on your mind. You weren’t expecting Nolan to come over, and you were now wishing that you spent some of your snooze time on sorting out your Nolan dilemma.

Taking a few strides forward, you reached the coffee table that was only a meter or so away from Nolan. Apparently that distance was still too far for Nolan, though, because he grabbed for your hand and tugged you into his body. His scent instantly overcame your senses and you promptly relaxed into his hold. Your body was awkwardly positioned over his but his tight grip on you, which shifted down to your hips, gave no sign that Nolan wanted you to get off of him. With this signal, you repositioned yourself so each of your legs found a home on either side of his lap. His arms wrapped around your body, and your chest was pressed against his as you nuzzled your head between the junction of his neck and shoulder.

For a while, neither of you said anything. It was a serene moment and truthfully, neither of you needed to exchange words to express how much you both cared for one another. There was no better way to make up for lost time than to fully appreciate the other’s presence, and neither of you were in a rush to get out of the situation that you two were in.

Occasionally, Nolan would pepper kisses along your hairline and twirl your hair along his fingers. Praying that you couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating, he tried his best to calm the thoughts that were incessantly running through his mind. Nolan never wanted this delicate moment to end for multiple reasons. Perhaps the biggest reason, though, was because he was trying to formulate the right way to tell you how he felt about you. He wasn’t sure if he’d find a more perfect time than this one, and he wanted to make sure that everything he was going to say to you would properly express how much he cared for you and wanted you in his life as a more-than-friend.

Another few moments passed before he finally mustered up the courage to break the silence.

“I love you,” he breathed out.

He waited for your response, but was only met with a deafening silence. Unfortunately for Nolan, he never got to see your reaction to his confession because your drowsy state seemed to pull you into another sleeping trance just as quickly as Nolan spoke the three words.

+ her

Following the night that Nolan had come over to bring you soup, the two of you became a lot more physically affectionate. Whether it was cuddles on your couch or hugs that lingered for a little too long, you knew you were chartering into dangerous territory. You didn’t treat any of your guy friends in the same way you did Nolan, and somewhere along the road, you knew this shift in dynamic was precariously dancing between the line of platonic and romantic.

Maya and Joel picked up on it, too. Nearly every chance they got, the two attempted to get you or Nolan to finally confess that things had changed. They were never successful, however. Nolan would always brush off Joel’s inquiries and play off the situation. As for yourself, you ultimately decided to keep your feelings to yourself, too scared to lose the special connection you had with Nolan.

You had done a decent job of keeping your feelings locked away in the depths of your heart until the season opener for the Flyers.

Nolan had asked you to go, and as much as you would love nothing more than to root on your best friend, you were called into work at the last minute. You tried your best to see if any of your other co-workers could pick up the shift, but you were stuck watching the game from your phone as you begrudgingly got through your shift. You couldn’t forget the way Nolan’s excited expression fell after you told him you couldn’t make it and even though your shift was scheduled to end during the game’s third period, there was no way you would have made it to the Wells Fargo Center in time.

After your shift, you took out your phone and swiped through your friend’s SnapChat stories. Since Maya went to the game to support Joel, you had the apartment to yourself. Clicking on your best friend’s name on the app, you smiled as you watched the video that she’d put on her story. The Flyers clinched their first win for the season, and based on Maya’s story, it looked like everyone had gone to a nearby bar to celebrate. Despite the fact that her story was a video of Joel, that’s not what caught your attention.

Instead, it was the sight of a man in the background, his arms draped around a girl who was cozily perched upon his lap. His chin was resting on her shoulder, and you knew from the unmistakable rosy cheeks that the man was Nolan. Although the image lasted no more than a few seconds as the frame of Maya’s camera moved, you suddenly felt yourself become nauseous. Your fingers moved by themselves, torturing you as you watched the video over and over again to make sure you weren’t playing mind games on yourself.

You weren’t sure how to react. A mix of hurt and jealousy swarmed your body, sending shivers of confusion through it. You knew you had no right to be so upset. After all, Nolan and you never had a conversation about where you two stood. You two were still just friends — even though you’ve known for a while that your interactions with Nolan have meant much more to you than you’d let on. For all you knew, you could have been mistaking Nolan’s physical affection for something more. For all you knew, the physical affection never made Nolan’s heart beat race in the same way it did with yours.

Nolan wasn’t yours, but you so badly wish he were. You became increasingly frustrated at yourself for letting your heart believe that there was something more between you and Nolan. You knew you were playing a risky game — a game that you had just lost, because it became painfully apparent that Nolan only ever saw you as a friend. The video continued to play, though your clouded vision and mind drowned out its volume. A teardrop slipped down your heated cheeks and pattered onto your phone screen. You berated yourself with what-ifs, wondering if you could have done anything different to be able to call Nolan yours. Maybe it was never meant to be, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t beat yourself up over the situation.

Ditching your plans to immediately sleep after getting home from work, you made a beeline to the kitchen’s wine cabinet. You now let your tears run freely and let yourself drown in affliction. You didn’t even flinch when Maya and Joel entered the apartment, who both rushed to you with concern after they noticed your tear-splotched shirt and face that was swollen and red from crying.

Not used to seeing their typically calm and collected friend in such a state of disarray, the couple wasn’t quite sure how to approach the issue. For what felt like the first time in forever, you decided to be transparent with your thoughts. You had spent so long compartmentalizing your feelings that the need to let them out and the countless glasses of wine had you admitting your feelings for Nolan to the two. You didn’t want their pity, and you were thankful that they let you speak without interruption. Your words, though slurred, clearly explained how you felt foolish for falling for Nolan in the first place. You explained how your friendship with Nolan had evolved into something much more for you and how you couldn’t pretend like you didn’t love him as more than just a friend anymore.

At the end of your spiel, Maya and Joel shared a knowing look with each other. Maya looked like she was fuming, though she tried her best to maintain composure as she pulled you into a hug. You almost missed the way Joel cursed under his breath, calling Nolan an idiot. They were so sure Nolan had felt something towards you, and weren’t sure how to respond when you drunkenly asked what you did wrong for Nolan to be oblivious to the way that you only had eyes for him.

As much as they loved Nolan, they adored you just as much and felt terrible for the pain that you were going through.

Apparently not terrible enough to postpone movie nights, however. Some time down the road, you, Nolan, Maya, Joel, Travis, and Kevin made a habit of gathering for a few hours each week to watch movies and hang out. You almost forgot about it in your moping state until Maya brought up a few days later that it was your and Maya’s turn to host. The blood drained out of your face when she reminded you, and your first instinct was to come up with an excuse to miss the night at all costs. You didn’t want to ruin the budding tradition, but you weren’t ready to see Nolan either.

As much as it hurt to still be in contact with Nolan, the thought of cutting him off hurt just as much. So, you subjected yourself to the heartache of talking to someone as if you weren’t enamored with. After the night of your break down, Nolan tried texting and calling you as usual. Although you weren’t ignoring him, you kept your texts brief and the phone calls even shorter. You felt bad for creating a wall between you and Nolan, especially since he wasn’t sure what was going on with you. He often asked what was on your mind, but you typically brushed it off and churned out a half-true excuse about being busy with school before cutting your conversations with him short.

Maya understood your discomfort with the situation, and offered to call off the movie night. You quickly objected, not wanting to ruin the night for the others just because you were battling your own demons. You told her that the movie night could go on at your shared apartment, and that you would find something to keep you out of the house for a while.

Your escape from the apartment came in the form of Austin, a boy from your psych class. Although you two didn’t speak to one another much, his kind eyes and bashful smile always led you to gladly agree whenever he’d asked to sit in the open spot next to you in the lecture hall.

One day, after you offered your notes to him for a day he missed, he offered to take you out for dinner in return. Although you were hesitant at first, you couldn’t think of any cons that would weigh out the opportunity for a free meal and spending a few hours with the charming boy. Plus, he had mentioned that he was a transfer student from out of state, and you knew how much you would have appreciated a few friends from school when you first moved to the city. Ultimately agreeing to his proposition, you gave him your number and scheduled the dinner for the same night and time as the movie night.

When the night of your plans with Austin came around, you made sure to leave your apartment before the guys were coming over. Because you felt guilty for skipping on the movie night, you attempted to help Maya set up the snack. However, Maya insisted that you shouldn’t keep Austin waiting and that she could handle the food herself. When you told her about Austin, she was ecstatic for you. She knew how difficult the past week has been for you and nearly screeched with excitement when you told her that you had actual plans for the weekend.

She gave you a hug and reminded you to call her if you were in an emergency before practically pushing you out of the door.

+ her

The night with Austin went better than planned, and you genuinely enjoyed yourself. Not wanting to give Austin any false impressions, you made sure that the night was strictly platonic. Luckily for you, Austin was incredibly understanding. Although you didn’t miss the look of slight disappointment on his face when you told him that you weren’t interested in being anything more than friends, he respected your decision and upheld his offer for dinner.

Quickly, you found out that you two had a similar sense of humor. Austin was easy to talk to and eventually, you opened up to him about Nolan. You nearly apologized for doing so — you weren’t planning to drop your baggage on a boy that you barely knew. However, Austin was surprisingly good at giving advice and even recounted some of his own stories about unreturned feelings. It was nice to be able to talk to someone that could relate to you.

Knowing that Nolan was at your apartment, Austin suggested that you two get dessert and explore the city to make sure that the hockey player would be gone before you got home. At first, you turned down his idea, jokingly arguing that he didn’t have to spend his whole Saturday night with you out of pity. In spite of your protests, Austin promised that he wanted to continue spending time with you and didn’t mind the idea of getting ice cream.

You didn’t return home until it was nearly midnight. You were sure that the boys would have already headed home, since they had a morning skate the next day.

Opening the door, you were shocked to see that everyone was still in the apartment, eyes occupied on the Marvel movie on the television. Your eyes immediately landed on Nolan’s figure, and you contemplated your next actions.

Settling on trying to go unnoticed by the group, you tried your best to discreetly enter your home and head to your room. With everyone's backs turned away from you, you almost made it to your room safely.

You were so close until your keys loudly fell onto the floor as you tried to remove them from the lock. Instantly, everyone’s heads turned to the front door. Someone turned on the living room’s lights, and you became uncomfortably aware of everyone’s attention on you.

You flashed them a smile, and Maya was the first to speak.

“How was your date?” she slyly questioned, making sure that everyone in the room heard her.

You raised an eyebrow at her question. Maya knew that the night with Austin wasn’t a date. However, the way she glanced at Nolan reminded you that he and the other guys, for that matter, didn’t know that. Not wanting to entertain whatever plan she was brewing in her mind, you tried not to acknowledge her question, flashing her a nervous smile.

“You ditched us for a date?” Travis gasped incredulously, clenching his hand above his heart for the added dramatic effect.

“Is that why the cookies were weird? I knew something was wrong with them when I nearly broke a tooth trying to eat one,” Hayesy laughed as an embarrassed Maya threw a pillow in his direction. You chuckled along with the joke, knowing that you should’ve stuck around to help her bake them. You made sure to promise not to miss the next movie night and even reassured Kevin that you would make a fresh batch of cookies just for him next time.

As Joel chimed in with the others about your “date,” Nolan remained oddly quiet.

His body language was stiff, and his eyes were mostly glued to his lap. He was playing with his fingers and refused to look you in the eyes. He almost looked uncomfortable, his smile forced whenever someone made another funny remark. Although everyone seemed oblivious to it, you couldn’t help but notice the way Nolan was biting the inside of his cheek. It was a habit that you noticed before, but you usually only ever saw him do it when he was in deep concentration or thought. You wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt to see that Nolan didn’t even acknowledge your presence. Of course he didn’t owe you anything, but your heart didn’t necessarily know that.

You didn’t want to overanalyze anything, though. So, after chuckling at their comments, you headed to your room to remove your makeup and change into the oversized tee shirt and lounge shorts that you had been looking forward to changing into ever since you left the apartment.

“Calling it a night already?”

Upon hearing the question, you nearly had to do a double take. It was the first time you had heard Nolan’s voice all night. The lack of inflection in his voice transformed the previously light-hearted atmosphere thick with tension.

“Um, yea. It’s been a long night and I don’t know how much longer I can keep my eyes open,” you curtly responded with the first excuse that you could come up with, continuing en route to your room without sparing Nolan another glance. You gave everyone in the living space a small wave before you slipped into your room.

Although your reasoning was partially true, you didn’t know if you could handle being so close to Nolan at the moment. The two of you had gotten used to snuggling up together during movie nights and with your current emotional disarray, you didn’t want to put yourself in the position where you had to pretend like you weren’t still hurt at the thought of Nolan not seeing you in the same light that you saw him. And, regardless of how idiotic Nolan’s teammates could act at times, you knew they were pretty observant — especially when it came to you and Nolan’s complex friendship. If you decided to join in on the movie night but sit in any seat that wasn’t next to Nolan, they'd undoubtedly pick up on it.

Even though you thought your excuse was enough to get by your attentive friends, everyone in the room —bar Nolan— exchanged knowing looks with each other after once they heard the lock of your doorknob click into place. They knew how much you loved movie nights and how you were usually a night owl, regardless of how busy your day was. In fact, it was usually you that begged for an extra movie to be played when everyone was ready to call it a night.

More importantly, they knew you had a soft spot for Nolan. They weren’t ignorant to the way you’d sprint through hoops and hurdles to spend time with Nolan, mostly because they noticed how Nolan would go great lengths to see you, too. It had been a while since you last saw Nolan, and they figured that you would jump on the chance to be in your best friend’s presence again. Of course Maya had to play along, pretending as if she didn’t know why you were avoiding Nolan.

Even though Nolan was a little more subtle with his actions and words, it was no secret that Nolan missed you. His question from earlier was his way of asking you if everything was alright and if you wanted to spend time with him, and your deflection to his implied questions told everyone what they needed to know.

They weren’t quite sure what was going on between you and Nolan, but they knew things weren’t the same as they used to be.

Noting the way Nolan’s shoulders sunk after you disappeared into your bedroom, Maya was the first to rise from her seat. The mood of the night quickly became awkward after Nolan’s short-lived interaction with you, and Maya had no intention of having to sit through another hour of the movie if it were going to be this uncomfortable. She also hoped to talk to you before you actually went to sleep.

“Well, I think I’m gonna head to bed, too. I have to pick up an early shift tomorrow,” she explained as she gathered her blankets from the couch. “You’re staying the night, right?” she asked Joel.

Painfully aware of the newfound tension, her boyfriend silently nodded and helped Maya bring the rest of the throw pillows and blankets.

“You all can finish the rest of the movie,” Maya nodded towards Nolan, Travis, and Kevin. “Just lock up on your way out once it’s over. There should be a spare key under the flower pot outside.” Waving to the guys in the living room, Maya tugged Joel into her room and shut the door.

And then there were three.

+ him

Nolan’s jaw was beginning to ache from how hard he was clenching his teeth together. He didn’t know how to take in the rollercoaster of emotions that he had been feeling for the past few days. He wasn’t oblivious to the barrier that seemed to build up between you and him, but he didn’t know how that wall formed in the first place, let alone how to get over it.

He thought the past few days had been rocky, but he was certainly not prepared for his heartstrings to be pulled into so many directions tonight.

Nolan was looking forward to seeing you in person and was more than disheartened to hear that you were out for the night after he awkwardly asked Maya about your whereabouts. Your roommate didn’t go into the specifics of why you were missing out on the movie night, so he was left to his own devices to figure out where you were.

Of course he could’ve texted you, but given your erratic reply rates as of late, he resorted to refreshing his SnapChat and Instagram apps every once in a while to see if you were posting about where you were spending your weekend night.

Nolan wanted to understand why there was a strain in the relationship and more than anything, he needed your reassurance to know that everything was alright. He partly thought you were distancing yourself from him because he had made his feelings for you too obvious and you didn’t see him in that same way. The theory wasn’t even farfetched. His friends always made fun of him for being so whipped for you, and Nolan knew that you hated letting others down. Throughout his friendship with you, he had quickly learned that you would much rather deal with the brunt of someone else’s problems than to let them down. The thought of you distancing yourself from Nolan just because you only saw him as just a friend hurt Nolan, and he needed to let you know that he’d much rather deal with his feelings being unreciprocated than to have you fade away from his life.

Nolan also thought that he said something wrong and made you upset. However, after replaying all of the conversations he had with you leading up to your new treatment towards him, he didn’t know what he would have said that would have made you this indifferent to him.

Your social media gave no hints as to what you were doing, so Nolan let his imagination run wild with all of the reasons why you would’ve skipped movie night, especially when you were usually so excited about them.

When you entered the apartment a few hours after his arrival, Nolan felt his heartbeat begin to thrum as loud as a kick drum. All of the hypothetical situations that were previously occupying his mind were now invaded with thoughts about how good you looked. Nolan recognized the denim jacket you were wearing as the one that you had gotten a few months ago. He had just finished an afternoon practice when you FaceTimed him and couldn’t contain your excitement about finding the “most perfect article of clothing” you’ve ever owned. Although Nolan chirped you for driving so far away just for a jacket, the ecstatic expression on your face that day was one he’d never forget. It was also one that he so desperately craved to see for the rest of his life.

Just as quickly as he was brought out of his slump from seeing you, he was rudely pulled back down to reality after Maya asked you about your date. Needless to say, the warmth that filled his heart left as quickly as it had entered. Jealousy consumed Nolan, and he was momentarily blinded by a pain that he couldn’t quite describe.

As his friends joke around with you, Nolan struggled comprehending the thought of you with another guy. He had no right to be upset, really. Not when he couldn’t muster up the courage to tell you how he felt and especially not when your eyes were twinkling with so much elation.

Throughout the friendship Nolan had developed with you, you never mentioned that you were going on dates or seeking relationships. The hopeless romantic in him let him believe that maybe, just maybe, you were saving your heart for the right person. For him.

However, the breathy chuckle you released after Maya’s question shattered any amount of hope that Nolan had built up. Now, instead of butterflies, Nolan’s stomach was filled with a piercing ache. As if he wanted to punish himself more for not being more vocal about his feelings for you, Nolan attempted to ask you to join the movie night. Sure, maybe he wasn’t exactly direct with his words, but he was hoping you’d pick up on his hint. Nolan shouldn’t have been so surprised when you decided to go to your room instead of joining him and the others, but the already-tense coil in his stomach continued to tighten.

After you went to your room, followed by Maya and Joel, Nolan looked at the remaining people in the room.

“We’re sorry, Pat,” Travis was the first to speak. His words were laced with sympathy, knowing how much his friend was head over heels for you.

Moving from his seat to stand over his younger teammate, Kevin rose from the couch and rubbed Nolan’s shoulder. “Let’s head home, yea?” Kevin attempted to dance around the topic of you.

“I’ll meet you two in the car. Just need to clear my head for a bit,” Nolan muttered to his understanding friends.

Quietly, Travis and Kevin left the apartment, making sure to shut the door carefully as to not disturb their teammate.

+ him & her

Thinking you were in the clear after hearing the front door close, you left your room in hopes of making a mug of tea.

You felt bad for avoiding Nolan, but you didn’t know how else to deal with the thousands of thoughts that cycled through your brain.

To say you were unprepared to see Nolan in your living would be an understatement. His arms were propped on his knees and his face was cradled by his hands. His shoulders were slouched and his tousled hair looked as if he had run his hands through it multiple times.

You weren’t sure if you should’ve just turned back around and locked yourself in your room, but your instincts beckoned you to come closer to Nolan. No matter how hurt you were, he was your best friend first and foremost. If there was anything you could do to bring him out of his clear distress, you would do it without a second thought.

“Nolan?” you meekly called out his name.

Nolan slowly moved his head just enough so he could hear the source of the sound. Unintentionally mimicking your facial expression, he looked just as stunned to see you. “Sorry, I thought you would’ve already been asleep. I was uh- I was just about to head out,” he timidly said.

“Stay as long as you need. I’ve been trying to sleep but didn’t have much luck, so I’m hoping tea will help. Haven’t been able to get a good sleep for a while now,” you explained while opening a kitchen cupboard for a mug.

“Me neither. Things haven’t felt right recently,” he sighed. After his statement, the apartment was eerily quiet. Neither of you wanted to say anything else, scared of stepping over any boundaries or maybe the situation even more awkward.

You’re not sure what gears clicked into place, but you felt compelled to finally tell Nolan what was on your mind. The guilt of ignoring him was eating away at you, and you felt like you at least owed your best friend an explanation as to why you needed space from him. After you dropped the tea bag into your mug, you walked back towards the living space to where Nolan was still sitting.

“Look, I’m sorry,” you started.

Nolan didn’t say anything, his eyes pleading with you to continue with what you were saying.

“I’m just gonna lay everything out because I know I’m not gonna be brave enough to do this on any other occasion,” you prefaced, making sure Nolan was paying attention to what you were saying. You were already embarrassed that you had managed to think that Nolan could ever like you, and you did not want to have to verbally explain your emotional affliction more than one.

“I don’t really know when, but I caught feelings for you. At first I wasn’t sure what to do about it, because everyone always warns about falling for your best friend and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us if you didn’t feel the same,” you continued with your explanation, eventually getting to the part where you saw Nolan and the girl on Maya’s story.

“It just sucked, y’know? I thought I was doing a good job of suppressing my feelings and then I saw that. Obviously it’s not like we were dating or anything and I never told you how I felt at the time, but having that confirmation that there wasn’t actually anything between us was like a kick to the gut.”

“I feel terrible for letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship and reading all of the signs wrong. I don’t wanna lose you because of this, and I’m really trying to get over my silly feelings becau-” you were cut off by Nolan.

“What if I don’t want you to get over those feelings?” he said while approaching the spot you were standing in.

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. You weren’t sure if you were hearing things right or if you were so sleep deprived that you were starting to make things up. “I-I’m not following,” you silently begged Nolan to continue.

“I liked you, too,” he confessed. “Well, I still like you. If I’m being honest, I think I’m in love with you,” he admitted all in one breath. “I thought it would be easier to try to get over you instead of dealing with the possibility of ruining our friendship just because I caught feelings,” he elaborated.

“Obviously it didn’t work, though. And I ended up messing up things between us anyway, so it really didn’t work,” he sighed with a hint of resignation in his tone. He wasn’t sure if he was referring to ruining the friendship, his chance of getting to call you his, or both. Upon that thought, Nolan became even more dejected after he was reminded about how you were just on a date a few hours ago.

Your head was spinning with each word. Every fiber in your body was consumed by joy, and you were now wide awake. Nolan was now only standing a few feet away from you. You still hadn’t replied to his confession, and you could tell that he was becoming increasingly nervous as he awaited your reaction. With that realization, you were drawn out of your thoughts. Your heart was lodged in your throat, and you knew that no words could articulate the words you wanted to tell Nolan, anyway.

With that, you closed the distance between the two of you. Your hands grabbed his and although he flinched a little bit, he welcomed your gesture and interlaced your fingers with him.

Going on your tiptoes to come a little closer to your face, you become hyper-aware of Nolan’s burning gaze. His face is painted with a light blush, and he’s biting the inside of his cheeks again.

“I hope this is okay,” is the last thing you whisper before you connect your lips to his.

Instinctively, Nolan’s hands pulled away from yours to find a home on your hips. He pulled you closer, attempting to deepen the kiss. The kiss was soft, reassuring, and everything in between. Nolan couldn’t stop the smile that was tugging on his lips, and had to pull away to make sure that this was actually happening.

He was met with your confused face, your eyebrows scrunched in the cutest way. His smile promptly turned into a smirk as you tried to pull him into a kiss, your shorter height causing you to barely graze the corner of his lips.

When Nolan released a chuckle, you started to become impatient. “What?” you questioned while narrowing your eyes towards the rosy-cheeked boy in front of you.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” he cheekily asked.

“Only if I get a second kiss,” you said with gleaming eyes, fingertips grazing along his jawline. With those words, Nolan wasted no time fulfilling your wish and peppering your neck with dozens of chaste kisses.

The two of you were so consumed with the high of finally getting to hear the other admit their feelings that neither of you heard the sound of the front door violently swinging open.

“Patty, where the fuck are yo-” Travis called, immediately realizing the moment he was intruding on. “You know what, I think I’m just gonna head out. Have a good night!” he awkwardly chuckled, undoubtedly embarrassed. He sent the two of you a thumbs up before quickly shutting the door as if he never interrupted.

“Oh my god,” Nolan said, his head falling into your shoulder and arms wrapping around your body. “I forgot that TK and Hayesy were waiting for me to come down. It’s probably been like half an hour at this point,” his laugh rumbled through your bones.

“Stay the night?” you offered. “Maybe I can finally get more than four hours of sleep,” you laughed.

“Mm, sounds like a plan,” Nolan peppered kisses along your neck before scooping you into his arms and heading to your bedroom.

Although both of you knew that there would be a lot to talk about the following morning, neither of you wanted to disrupt the current state of bliss that both of you were in. You and Nolan’s hearts were finally intertwined, and for now, that was enough to engulf you in ease.

#nolan patrick #nolan patrick imagine #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #nolan patrick x reader #my writing

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honeypiehotchner · 3 years

Text

winter love (all i want for Christmas is you) -- Hotch x Fem!Reader

Hi hi hi!! I have literally been writing this on and off since September, and now I finally get to share it!! A few quick things: this fic has very much Hallmark vibes but does have a good dose of angst too; for the sake of this fic, Aaron was born and raised in Virginia; and Jack was never born (sorry buddy!).

I listened to Michael Bublé’s songs “All I Want for Christmas Is You” and “Cold December Night” a lot while writing this, so feel free to play those while you read! xx.

(The gif is from google because once again, my gif search is broken on here because apparently this post is too long?? Rip me)

Summary: You’ve returned back to your hometown after leaving to get your education, but you didn’t expect to run into your childhood best friend (and first love).

Word count: 9.4k

HOTCH MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST

If you told yourself a few months ago that you’d be moving back to Virginia, you would’ve scoffed and probably laughed -- loudly. Your mom, on the other hand, would’ve been elated, and swore she knew it.

Like she’s doing now.

“I’m just so excited to have you home again,” she gushes, helping you carry boxes of your clothes up to your old childhood room.

The room needs some work, like taking down all these embarrassing posters and changing the sheets to something not so cringe-worthy (thankfully, it’s a full-size bed instead of the old twin you grew up sleeping on). But it’ll be fine for the time being. It’s not like you’re going to find an apartment right before Christmas, or that you even want to. It’s been a while since you’ve spent a full Christmas season with your mom.

You’ve been studying out of state for the past six years, working to get your masters and doctorate degrees — which you’ve completed. But now you need a job and a new start, which is why you decided to come home.

You’ve missed Virginia a lot more than you’ll admit. It’s hard not to miss your hometown when you’re gone from it for so long.

“We need a Christmas tree,” you say, as you come back down the stairs. “Christmas is next week, how do you not have a tree up yet?”

“I wasn’t going to get one without you,” your mom says like the fact should’ve been obvious to you.

You laugh as you plop down next to her on the couch. “I know. We should go tomorrow.”

“Whenever you want to,” she smiles, squeezing your arm. “Have you been to your coffee shop yet?”

“My coffee shop?” You raise an eyebrow. “Since when has it been mine?”

“Since you practically lived there during high school,” your mom counters.

She has a point. “Well, no, I haven’t. I just got here.”

“You should go.”

You raise both eyebrows this time, turning your entire body to face her. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you trying to get me to go back there?”

“Why don’t you want to?”

You give her a look. “You know why.”

“I don’t.”

She does. She knows exactly what happened there.

“I’m not repeating it,” you mutter. “And I’ll be finding a new coffee shop, thank you very much.”

“Oh, you can’t let one bad experience stop you from going there!”

“So you do remember!”

“How could I forget? When you were a wreck for months after. I still never forgave him for that, you know.”

You shake your head, settling back against the couch pillows. “It’s been long enough now that I think forgiveness won’t hurt anyone.”

You say that, and yet you don’t want to step foot in that shop ever again.

+++

It was the summer before your junior year. Aaron was a rising senior, so there was the weight of it being his last year already hanging in the air. Especially when he was already looking at a pre-law track for college — meaning he’d be insanely busy after graduation with not much time for you.

Unfortunately, you didn’t realize that his being too busy for you would start before then.

You were a year younger — technically almost two, but the way your birthday fell, you were only one grade younger — but that didn’t stop Aaron from being your friend. At first you thought he had ill intentions (as most older boys in high school did), but he didn’t. He genuinely enjoyed your company, and you genuinely enjoyed his.

More than genuinely. You say now that you don’t believe in love at first sight, but you know that’s because it already happened for you, and you believe it to be a one-time deal.

That one time was when Aaron sat across from you at the lunch table.

You were alone and reading a book. You were a freshman then, and being an extra year younger didn’t exactly help in the whole making friends department. Especially when a lot of your peers were already aware of your age.

But Aaron wasn’t aware, nor did he even care.

He saw that you were alone, and reading, and he decided to sit with you. He wanted to read too, anyway, but he knew he didn’t always like being alone when he read. Something told him you were the same way.

He was correct.

It took almost the entire fall semester before either of you said one word to each other. Sometimes you’d be too engrossed in the book you were reading to even notice he’d sat down in front of you. And when you would finally notice, he would be the one with his nose too deep in the book to notice.

But eventually, you started sharing book recommendations.

Which eventually turned into helping each other with homework. You were always better at math and Spanish than he was (you were already in the sophomore levels of these classes as a freshman), but he was always good with history and English. He must’ve noticed you were in freshman English and history, but he never commented on it — at least not in a way that said he was bullying you.

That winter break was when you started going to the coffee shop together. It was within walking distance of the high school, so the two of you would go at the end of the day until your parents could pick you up. Sometimes your mom would drive him home, or vice versa.

And when Aaron got his license, he’d drive you both there and drop you off at home.

The two of you were inseparable. Almost literally.

Until Aaron met Haley.

Haley was in theatre. She was everything you weren’t. Aaron’s age, pretty, funny, outgoing, and worst of all: popular.

You watched your best friend fall in love.

And that wouldn’t have hurt as bad as it did if it wasn’t Haley he was falling for.

You kept your feelings for Aaron quiet, even to your mom — though you found out later that she always knew. You had almost thought he felt the same, or that he might be beginning to, and then suddenly he was talking about some girl named Haley.

Only she wasn’t just “some girl” to him, or even to you. Everyone knew Haley Brooks.

Slowly, your lunch table conversations were less about what the two of you were going to do the coming weekend, and more about Haley. How he was going to get her to notice him (join theatre, even though he never liked theatre before her). How he was going to ask her on a date (it wouldn’t be a date at first, just dinner after theatre rehearsal, that ended up being with the entire cast, but he sat next to her). How he was going to win her over (he brought flowers to the first performance and surprised her backstage). How he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend (that was the same night as the flowers, completely unplanned, but she said yes).

How he thought he might want to marry her one day.

The last hurt most of all. He confessed it to you one night out of the blue as he was driving you home after school. You knew you could handle him being in love with someone else. Some sick part of you knew — or hoped, rather — that the relationship wouldn’t last. What high school relationship lasts longer than a few months, anyway?

But when Aaron fell for Haley, he fell completely. And hard.

He started cancelling plans with you to spend time with Haley — before they were even dating. When they were dating, he stopped making plans with you altogether.

Then came the summer before his senior year.

It had been months since you saw him last. You had a new lunch period the second half of the year because one of your favorite teachers asked for help during the period, which meant you didn’t have lunch with Aaron — but you don’t even think he noticed.

June came and went. The two of you barely saw one another, barely talked when you did. But when you did, you clung to those moments like they were your only lifeline. In a way, they were.

July finally came and he actually made plans to see you. He said he wanted to get coffee again, catch up, hang out for a few hours, sit in silence, even, whatever you wanted. You were excited.

Some part of you thought that he had broken up with Haley — wishful thinking, but you were sixteen and in love, what else were you supposed to think?

But he hadn’t broken up with her. They were very much in love. You know. You witnessed it.

Apparently, Haley didn’t like the idea of Aaron getting coffee and lunch alone with a female friend. So, she took it upon herself to tag along.

You saw them sharing a kiss through the window, Aaron’s back facing you. When they pulled away, Haley’s eyes caught yours, but she said nothing to Aaron, just pulled him back in for another kiss.

You didn’t go into the shop that day. And you haven’t since.

The last time you saw Aaron was the day before he moved to college. He was stopping by to say goodbye to you.

You were reading a book in your room, and your eyes caught the movement on the driveway. You told your mom to say you weren’t home.

You watched him leave from your bedroom window, hands stuffed in his pockets.

+++

You heard that Aaron and Haley got married. Not because you wanted to hear, but because your mom told you. She probably meant well, but you drank an entire bottle of wine that night. You weren’t even 21 yet at the time.

Of course, it’s been years since then. You’re all fine now, and you’ve got the student loan debt to prove it.

But even with three degrees, job hunting can be a bitch. Especially this time of year.

You need coffee.

You blame the fact that this coffee shop is the best one around. And the fact that it’s Christmas season, meaning they have your favorite drink again.

Dark chocolate peppermint mocha. It’s a godsend. And you haven’t had one in years.

Well, you have. But they haven’t been from here. They haven’t had this shop’s specially made peppermint whipped cream, or the peppermint stick that can be used to stir.

You hate how much you have to psych yourself up before you walk inside. You don’t even know where Aaron is these days or what he’s doing. He could be halfway across the country for all you know.

So, with that fact in mind, you walk inside. You embrace the familiar sight and smells, remembering what it felt like the last time you were here.

You move toward the counter, falling in the short line to the register. And your stomach flips when you see a familiar face standing in front of you.

Well, his back is facing you, so you don’t see his face, but you know it’s him. There’s this thing about first loves. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the last time you’ve seen them. You’ll always recognize everything about them. The back of their head, their shoulders, their hands, the way they walk.

Their voice. Even if it’s deeper than the last time you heard it.

Maybe he won’t recognize me.

But what you don’t know is that no amount of time could pass to make you unrecognizable to Aaron.

Or that he saw your reflection in the glass case next to him when you got in line, and he’s been internally trying to figure out what the hell to say to you since.

If it hadn’t been for his voice, you wouldn’t have recognized Aaron at all. A black coffee? That’s it?

The barista pours it and slides it over to him before he’s even done paying. He’s at a coffee shop -- this coffee shop, and he orders a black coffee?

Who is he?

You step up to the register as he steps away, and you swear you see him looking at you through the corner of your eyes. But you must be seeing things because why would he do that?

You focus on ordering -- a medium peppermint mocha, complete with the whipped cream and peppermint stick. After paying, you step to the side to wait for your coffee.

You nearly knock right into Aaron, but you stop yourself, well aware of his presence.

Another thing about first loves: you’re always painfully aware of their presence.

“Hi,” he says, awkward and fumbling even though it’s only one word. He’s wearing a stuffy suit and tie, which seems odd, but you’re positive that’s just normal lawyer attire. He probably lives in a suit these days. His hair is shorter than it used to be and he looks older, but so do you. Despite all of this, he’s still Aaron. He’s still the same Aaron Hotchner you fell in love with at sixteen.

“Hi,” you return the awkward smile, tugging on the strap of your purse. After a beat, you nod toward his drink. “Black coffee, huh?” You try to tease. “Who hurt you?”

He laughs loudly then, shoulders and head shaking. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Hotchner,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around yourself.

The conversation dies for a moment, so you busy yourself by looking at the different cakes and pastries in the glass case. You probably should’ve gotten one, but maybe another time.

Another time. Fifteen minutes ago you wouldn’t be caught dead in this shop and now you’re already thinking about another time.

“Are you busy?” Aaron suddenly asks, prompting you to look at him with furrowed brows. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” you smile gently, knowing you might regret this later. But it’s been over a decade since you’ve seen him last. One coffee won’t hurt.

And I’m over him, you remind yourself, no matter how untrue it might be.

Once you have your peppermint mocha -- finally, you think, it’s been too long -- you walk with Aaron to find a table. A lot has changed about this shop, but one thing that hasn’t (because there isn’t much that can be changed) is the seating.

Aaron leads you to your old table. The table the two of you practically lived at.

It makes your heart warm and ache all at once. The drink you decided to order isn’t helping matters either.

“So…” You pause, shifting in your seat. “What are you up to these days?”

“You stole my question,” he jokes.

“Tough,” you smile into your drink. “I asked it first.”

He chuckles, but answers anyway. “I’m working for the BAU now.”

“The B-A-What?”

“The-- FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

Your eyes widen. “Did you… Did you really just say you’re working for the FBI?”

“I think so,” he says. “I’m the unit chief.”

“You’re the-- Okay. So, you don’t work for the...the BAU, they work for you.”

“We’re a team,” he offers.

“Said every boss ever,” you quip, taking a long drink of your mocha. You take the peppermint stick in between your fingers and stir, eyebrows furrowing down at the swirl of coffee and whipped cream. “So...what do you do exactly?”

He opens his mouth to answer, then stops, hesitating. “Do you really want to know?”

You give him a look. “Of course I do.”

“It’s not great.”

“Aaron, just tell me, or I’ll start reciting my dissertation word for word.” Your statement stuns him to silence, so badly that you almost laugh. “That’s boring. Working for the FBI can’t possibly be boring.”

“Oh, it’s never boring, that’s for sure,” he mutters. “We profile serial killers.”

“You what?”

He laughs. “We look at their behaviors and crimes and build a profile, what they might look like, their age, that stuff.”

“Intriguing.”

“I can’t believe you’re interested.”

“I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t be,” you counter. “You know I thrive off this stuff.”

“I remember,” he says quietly.

And just like that, you remember, too.

It’s so easy to forget about all the hurt he caused, all the pain he left behind. Especially because you know he never intended to hurt you. He would never do that, not to you, not on purpose. You never told him how you felt. It’s not his fault he couldn’t read your mind.

“Well, you’ve got a doctorate,” he says, shifting the conversation. “What else are you up to?”

“How did you know it’s a doctorate?” You raise an eyebrow. “Are you profiling me? Did I use that correctly?”

“Yes,” he smiles. “And no, not intentionally. You said you’d recite your dissertation. Those are normally written to get doctorate degrees. You always wanted one, I assumed you met your goal.”

“You assume correct,” you nod. “I’m back to start job and apartment hunting, but after the new year. I wanted to spend some time with my mom.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s good, she--” You pause, shaking your head with a laugh. “She actually brought you up yesterday.”

“Me?” Aaron looks genuinely shocked.

“Yeah, you,” you knock your foot against his leg without thinking, but you pay no mind, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to it. “She’s actually the one who put the bug in my ear to come here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I haven’t been back here since…”

It takes him a moment, but he nods slowly. “Right.”

“Yeah,” you draw your legs closer to you on instinct. “But that was a long time ago. How are you and Haley?”

You don’t expect the way his face falls. You glance down at his left hand. No ring.

“We got a divorce a few years ago, split up about a good year before that,” Aaron explains. “She’s good, last I heard. Remarried already.”

“Wow,” you murmur, not knowing what else to say. “What-- I mean, what happened?” When he hesitates, you backpedal. “Sorry, I shouldn’t even ask, it’s probably a sensitive question.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron chuckles. “I don’t mind talking about it with you.”

That sends a dangerous flutter through your stomach. “Okay. Well I’m all ears.”

“Oh, it’s not a long story, it was just my job,” he shrugs. “I took the unit chief position and she was happy at first. But then, there was a period of time where we had what felt like case after case after case.” He shakes his head. “I was barely home, but I was barely in one state for long, anyway. It was a stressful time. We were everywhere at once.”

“That does sound stressful,” you frown. “Has it slowed down now?”

“Kind of, it has its moments,” he admits. “But being gone so much, it took a toll on her. She wanted to start a family, but said she couldn’t do that if I was never there.”

“But I mean she had to have known how your schedule would be with the new job, right?”

“Yeah,” he says, then shrugs. “It’s been so long now that I stopped trying to understand her thought process.”

“I get that,” you say sincerely. You understand not wanting to waste energy on something like that anymore. Sometimes you just have to give it up and have peace with the fact that you’ll never understand.

“What about you?” He asks suddenly, catching you off guard. “Seeing anyone?” He adds it quietly, like he’s shy.

Aaron Hotchner. Shy. Around you.

“Oh,” you nearly laugh at the prospect. “No. No, I’m not. Do you really think I would be if I was moving back in with my mom?”

He laughs, bringing his coffee to his lips. “You have a point there.”

A comforting silence settles over the two of you after that.

You shouldn’t feel slightly giddy that his and Haley’s relationship didn’t work out in the end. You’re over him by now, anyway. But something about being right has you fighting a smile. You smother the urge, though, knowing he probably doesn’t want to hear anyone, let alone you, say, “I told you so.”

You do feel bad for him, genuinely. Divorce is never easy for anyone, and you hate he went through that. Especially like that. Haley knew his work schedule would change. Why would she act supportive if she knew this in advance? Just sits uneasy with you, that’s all.

Of course, you feel that overprotective-best-friend nature coming back to you.

“What plans do you have now that you’re back?” He asks, keeping the conversation up, but you can tell he’s earnest — which makes you smile.

“Nothing, really. My mom and I are getting a Christmas tree later, but that’s all I have on my schedule.” You pause, giving him another look. “We both know you were my only friend in high school. Who do you think I’m going to see while I’m here?”

“Hopefully a lot of me,” he replies easily, smiling around his coffee.

And for once, you don’t hesitate to reply. “I hope so, too, actually. I didn’t think you were still around here. And I really didn’t expect you to be working for the FBI.”

“This might be presumptuous of me, but what are you doing this weekend?” He asks, quickly adding on, “A good friend of mine is hosting a Christmas party for the team, and I’ve basically been threatened to bring a plus one.”

“Threatened, huh?” You raise an eyebrow.

He nods seriously. “They won’t let me inside without one.”

You gasp comically, keeping up the act. “Well you can’t miss the party!”

“I know,” he sighs, propping his head in his hand.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to come with,” you say, still deadly serious.

But Aaron’s lips split into a grin the same time yours does. “It’s this Saturday.”

“Lucky for you, I’m free.”

He doesn’t stop grinning. “I can pick you up, if you want.”

“Yeah, I’d love that,” you say. “I should probably give you my number, shouldn’t I?”

“I was going to ask,” he admits.

You roll your eyes playfully. “I figured.”

After exchanging numbers, the two of you return to your idle conversations. Only, they’re less idle than they ever have been before.

He vents about still not understanding how people can be capable of the things he sees. How he knows that everyone is capable of unspeakable things, but it’s how they do it that still makes him stumble sometimes. And you try to sympathize, though you know you can’t. But still you tell him not to try to understand.

“You’re a good man,” you say. “You’re not going to understand it because you’re not like them.”

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I know that, consciously. Sometimes it’s good to hear it from someone else.”

Then he tells you it’s your turn, and again, you don’t feel the need to hesitate.

You tell him how you weren’t planning on moving back here at all. But the job market where you were didn’t...fit you, for some reason. You never felt like you belonged, and so maybe that’s why you wanted to come back here.

Because even though you left this place heartbroken, you still felt like you belonged when you were here. You felt like you belonged when you were with him, but you don’t tell him that.

Something tells you he heard it anyway, though. Being a profiler and all. Which you still don’t quite understand, but you’re sure he’ll have plenty of time to tell you in the coming future.

+++

After an hour or two, you decide it’s time for you to head back home. Partly because you need to make some lunch for yourself, and partly because you’ve watched Aaron dismiss at least three phone calls in the last twenty minutes.

But he didn’t say a word each time, so you know he won’t tell you who it is or if he needs to go. It makes your heart warm at the thought that he wants to spend more time with you, but if it’s his job, then he needs to go.

He walks you to your car and you hug him around his neck, unashamedly taking a deep breath of his cologne when you stretch up to wrap your arms around him. He didn’t wear cologne back in high school. But this one smells good.

You mentally prepare yourself on the way home for the amount of questions your mom is no doubt going to ask.

You’re supposed to be going to pick out a tree with her today, which means you were supposed to be home a little earlier than this, which means your mom probably already knows what happened and you won’t even get a chance to explain yourself.

In the end, your prediction was correct.

“How was your peppermint mocha?” You glance over to the couch and find your mom sitting there, idly reading a book.

The question is as directly indirect as they come. You raise an eyebrow and kick the front door closed (yes, she asked before you even stepped foot inside the house). “It was good,” you reply, shrugging your jacket off your shoulders. “Why?”

“Oh, you enjoyed it for almost two hours, so I was just wondering.” Your mom fights back a grin, but she’s not doing a very good job.

You sigh. “Just go ahead and ask.”

She closes her book. “Alright, fine, I will. How is Aaron?”

There it is.

“He’s good,” you answer rather pointedly, making your way into the living room. “He’s working for the FBI now.”

“Oh, I knew that already.”

You plop down next to her on the couch. “Seriously?”

“Of course!” She cries, like it should be obvious. “Small talk happens when you see someone in the store.”

“Right,” you scoff. “Anyway, thanks for not telling me him and Haley divorced.”

She grimaces.

“Yeah, exactly,” you nod at her expression. “That’s how I felt. I bet it was just awesome of me to ask about how him and his ex-wife are doing.”

“I’m sorry,” your mom says. “It completely slipped my mind. It’s been so long since those two split.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?”

“Because I didn’t want to bring him up,” she answers sincerely. “You seemed like you had really moved on. I figured it didn’t matter, and I didn’t want to make you start thinking about him again when you had finally gotten over it all.”

“Oh,” you murmur. “Well, thank you, then, but...still. I feel like an idiot.”

“Did he seem angry when you asked?”

“No, the opposite,” you sigh. “He explained what happened and I let him talk about it for a second, but he seems mostly moved on from it.”

“I don’t know how he can be,” your mom scoffs. “She’s already remarried, you know.”

“Yeah, he told me.”

Your mom shakes her head. “I should’ve shook some sense into that boy when he came to say goodbye that day.” Then she pauses, poking your leg. “And I should’ve made you say goodbye to him. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“I didn’t wanna talk to him,” you shrug. “We barely had all year, anyway. And one goodbye would not have stopped him from going to college and marrying Haley, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighs. “It’s fun to think about, though.”

“Well stop thinking about it,” you mutter. “We are friends and he’s probably seeing someone by now. I don’t even know how long I’ll be here, so.”

Your mom raises her eyebrows. “I never said anything about what you guys are now.”

Damn. Caught. “I know, but I’m just...catching you before you do.”

“Mmm, more like catching yourself.”

“Shut up.”

She lightly hits you with a pillow. “Don’t say that to your mother,” she jokes. “Especially not when I’m right and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Are you ready to pick out a tree?”

“Of course,” she replies. “Just let me find my shoes.”

While she’s getting ready -- because “finding her shoes” really means fixing her hair and makeup and changing outfits a couple times -- you get a text from Aaron.

Aaron: It was nice catching up with you today

You smile and type your reply. Ditto. We should do it again sometime.

He doesn’t reply, but you figure he’s busy at work, anyway. And you’ve got a tree to pick out and decorate, so you’re technically busy, too.

You try not to think too much about it.

+++

And truthfully, you don’t think much about it, until Aaron finally replies. It’s hours later when you’re decorating the freshly-cut Christmas tree in the living room, with Michael Bublé’s Christmas album playing through the stereo speakers. It’s just like when you were younger.

You check your phone and see that it’s Aaron texting you back, but you pocket it before reading the message. You’re busy.

Your mom notices the change on your face. “Everything alright?” She asks as she places a snowflake ornament on one of the smaller branches.

You nod without thinking, hating yourself for even feeling what you’re feeling right now. A glittery red ornament hangs from your index finger as you try to find the right branch to hang it on -- and while your mind wanders all over the place.

“Clearly not,” your mom replies. “But alright.” She turns and reaches into a different box, picking up one of the golden jingle bells that she always hides deep within the tree each year. When you were younger, she’d hide them without you seeing, and then on Christmas Eve you’d have to search the tree for them before you could open one present before going to sleep.

You snort a laugh, always loving her way of getting you to open up: sarcasm. “It’s just Aaron.”

“Aaron?”

“Texting me,” you explain, looking down at the glitter coating your fingertips from the ornaments.

“Aren’t you going to reply?” She asks, grabbing another jingle bell.

“Technically he’s the one replying from earlier today.”

“Okay…”

You sigh. Time to cave. “He invited me to a Christmas party this weekend.”

Your mom doesn’t even try to hide her excitement or her wide grin. “Really? That’s great!”

Is it? You want to ask, but you stop yourself. “Yeah,” you shrug. “I guess so. It’ll be nice to hang out with him more.” You pause, finally hanging the small glittery red ornament on the tree that you’ve been idly holding for the past two minutes. “Apparently a friend of his is hosting it and basically told him he wouldn’t be allowed inside without a plus one.” You chuckle quietly, knowing Aaron had to have rolled his eyes when his friend told him that.

“So it’s...a date, then?”

“What? No,” you shake your head. “No, no. Not a date. He didn’t phrase it that way.”

“Sweetheart, plus one implies date.”

“Who says?”

“Everyone!” Your mom laughs. “Bringing a plus one to a wedding is usually a casual date, if not bringing your significant other along.”

“This isn’t a wedding, it’s just a Christmas get together.”

“Same difference.”

“Well, I think you’re doing that thing again where you try to plant seeds in my brain for things that are unnecessary,” you raise an eyebrow at her when she avoids eye contact, so you know you’ve caught her red-handed. “All that aside,” you sigh. “I’m over him. It’s been so long. If something was going to happen, it would have already.”

“Whatever you say,” she shrugs indifferently, grabbing the final jingle bell to hide in the top of the tree. For a brief moment, you wish you hadn’t been watching where she hid them, so you could do the search on Christmas Eve one more time.

+++

You bump into Aaron one more time, two days later, at the same coffee shop.

“Back for more?” He teases as he slides into the seat across from you, another black coffee in his right hand.

You’re sitting at the table the two of you call home with yet another peppermint mocha sitting in front of you and your laptop. More job hunting is the task for today, even though you’re ready to give up and just pick it back up after the New Year. It’s not like your mom is making you pay rent, and you have enough in savings to help with groceries (without her knowledge, of course, because she refuses to let you pay for anything) and buy your own coffees. But, you decided to give it one last go today.

That is, until Aaron slid into the seat in front of you. Now, you close your laptop and place it back in your bag. “Just needed some fuel for more job hunting,” you grin. “What are you doing here?”

“I took off for lunch for once and thought I might find you here.”

“Oh?” You raise your eyebrows. “Were you seeking me out, Hotchner?”

“Maybe a little,” he admits with a shy smile. “Are you still good for tomorrow?”

“As long as you are,” you nod. “What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at five, if that’s good?”

“Perfect,” you smile. “Are you ready to introduce me to your friends?”

“Depends,” he exhales exasperatedly. “Are you ready to meet them?”

“They can’t be that bad.”

“They might be. If you aren’t used to them.” He pauses. “They don’t know you’re coming, by the way.”

“What?” You almost laugh. “Why not?”

“I told them I was bringing someone, but I didn’t feel like hearing it all week about who I was bringing.” He pauses again, like he’s holding something back, and then he lets it out. “They know all about you.”

You blink. “They do?”

“Yeah,” he smiles gently. “I talk about you all the time.”

“No,” you shake your head. “No you don’t. There’s no way.”

“You’ll believe it tomorrow,” he chuckles. “I’m sure they’ll try to embarrass me.”

“I-I mean...what do you even say about me?”

He shrugs. “That you were my best friend in high school and...that I missed you and wondered what you were up to these days, and how we used to hang out here.” He looks around the shop, then back to you and your bewildered expression. “What?” He laughs. “You didn’t talk to your friends about me?”

“No, I did,” you laugh quietly. But I said different things. And most of the time I was crying because I missed you, especially my first year of college when my roommate tried to get me to go on a double date with her boyfriend and his roommate, but I refused and had to confess that I wasn’t over you and that you broke my heart, and I was such a mess that she brought ice cream and chocolate back after their date.

But you don’t say any of that. Obviously.

“I just didn’t expect you to even...think about me, I guess,” you finally spit out, still shaking your head. “I mean...we haven’t talked since high school, I figured you’d forgotten or moved on, at least. Especially since you had Haley.”

Aaron’s expression softens and turns sad, quickly. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I didn’t know you thought any of that.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you wave his worry away. “It’s years ago. Water under the bridge.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. Then, he says, “Haley was jealous of you, you know.”

You immediately look up from your mocha, your eyes wide in shock. “She was what?”

“Oh yeah,” Aaron laughs. “Devastatingly jealous of you. She swore we were dating or that I was in love with you or something.”

Or something. “Wow,” you chuckle, trying to mask your hurt as much as possible. “Why did she even think that?”

You know why. You know exactly why. Because before her, you and Aaron were attached at the hip. You sat together during lunch, walked each other home, hung out at the coffee shop, went to school functions together (well, you’d actually go with a big group, but you two always ended up together anyway), and so on and so forth. Anyone would’ve been an idiot to not assume you two were dating.

“We were so close,” he shrugs. “She said she was so surprised when I asked her to be my girlfriend because she swore I was dating you. She actually asked me that, when I gave her the flowers. She said, “What about Y/N?” And I said, “Y/N? She’s just my best friend.” And she didn’t believe me.”

“That’s so crazy,” you say, but you’re really thinking back to that day you and Aaron had decided to meet up here and hang out after so long. When Haley crashed the hangout. When she locked eyes with you and smirked before pulling him back in for another kiss.

She was jealous. She was jealous and she knew exactly what she was doing that day.

Aaron’s phone starts ringing and he sighs heavily, pulling it out. He almost declines it, but then stops himself. “It’s the boss,” he says. “My boss. I’ve gotta take this. I’ll text you later?”

“Sure,” you smile, knowing he might forget or get too busy to think about it. But that’s okay. “Good luck with the phone call.”

“Thanks,” he chuckles. “I’ll need it.” And then he brings his phone up to his ear. “Agent Hotchner,” he says, and you hate that you find it so hot.

+++

You almost cancel with Aaron a dozen times before 2p.m.

You blame the conversation the two of you had yesterday. For some reason, the thought of Haley being jealous of you had never crossed your mind. Because to you, it was so obviously the other way around. Of course, you weren’t vocal about your jealousy, but you were certain she knew. Not that it was the other way around.

Old feelings have already resurfaced, which is bad enough, but the talk about Haley and about how Aaron’s friends know all about you made things worse. Especially the latter.

Why would he talk about you so much if the two of you hadn’t spoken in years? Not even years, but like an entire decade. Why would he still talk about you and think about you that much?

You have dwelled over those questions since he left the coffee shop yesterday.

But now, you have no idea what to wear, and Aaron will be here any minute. You’re assuming the attire is casual, not fancy, since it’s just a get together with his friends -- who all happen to be his team of agents. FBI agents. Because he’s just casually the Unit Chief of the BAU.

It still baffles you. He wanted to be a lawyer. Not in the FBI. God.

He’s still your Aaron. That’s what shocks you the most. He’s experienced law school, marriage, practicing law, working for the FBI, becoming a Unit Chief, divorce, and yet he’s still the Aaron Hotchner you were best friends with in high school.

You wonder if you’re still the girl he was best friends with in high school. Or if you’ve changed so drastically that he doesn’t see you that way anymore.

You take a deep breath, going back to digging through the many boxes of clothes that you have yet to unpack. You need a sweater or something. That’s safe enough, right? It’s too cold for a dress, and frankly, you’re not in the mood for wearing one, anyway.

Finally, you find the sweater you were looking for. You tug it over your head, figuring your jeans are fine enough. You’ll wear some low heels to make it look like you put in a little more effort.

Your quick thinking is to your benefit because the doorbell rings almost as soon as you’re done doing the clasp on your second heel.

But because your mom is quicker than you, she’s already opened the door and let Aaron in before you can make it downstairs. And by the time you are coming down the stairs, Aaron is sitting on the couch with your mom, making idle conversation.

“Hey,” you smile at him, resisting the urge to glare at your mom. “Ready?”

“If you are,” he nods, standing to his feet.

When he turns, you shoot your mom a look. “We’ll be back later.”

“You’re not in high school,” your mom laughs. “You two have fun for as long as you like.”

“I know,” you say. “But I also know you’ll wait up until I get back.”

“And you can’t stop me,” she replies pointedly.

Aaron laughs at the two of you, your banter just as he remembers from all those years ago. Neither of you have changed one bit.

After a final moment of bickering, you bid your mom goodbye and leave with Aaron.

In the car, you ask, “Have you told them about me coming yet?”

From the driver’s seat, he shakes his head. “No, so prepare yourself for a lot of questions.”

“I think you’re the one that’ll be in hot water, but alright,” you chuckle. “I can hear them now. ‘Why didn’t you tell us you were bringing her!’”

He laughs loudly. “That’s not a bad impression, actually.”

“Why, thank you,” you smirk. “It’s a hidden talent of mine.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm.”

The two of you share a grin as he keeps driving.

+++

After some time -- long enough that you were beginning to wonder where he’s taking you -- Aaron finally turns into a subdivision. But it’s still not what you were expecting.

You assumed FBI agents must make good money, but not this good. This is a mansion. It’s massive. There has to be at least six bedrooms in there, maybe more.

“Is your friend a millionaire or something?”

Aaron chuckles, “Maybe. Probably. Maybe more.”

“More?” Your eyes widen. “Wow.” And then Aaron pulls into the driveway. “Wow.”

He puts the car in park and says, “Try not to look too surprised. Dave won’t shut up about the house if you get him started.”

“What if I want to hear everything?” You ask, scrambling out of the car to look up at the house. “Jesus Christ.” Then you whip your head around to look at Aaron exasperatedly. “Does your house look like this?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head. “No. This is too big. Dave’s crazy for buying it.”

“He’s definitely insane,” you nod. “I mean, what do you even need a house this big for?”

Aaron shrugs. “Christmas parties, I guess.” He pauses, holding out his arm for you. “Ready to face the lions?”

You roll your eyes through a laugh, loosely holding onto his arm. “Quit being so dramatic. I bet it’ll be just fine.”

“Let’s hope so,” Aaron replies. Because truthfully, he is a little worried that they might scare you off. They have a habit of doing that.

The two of you walk up to the front door, and you try your best to act like you’ve been in the general vicinity of a house this big before. Dave must be a really good friend of Aaron’s, because instead of knocking or ringing the doorbell, Aaron twists the doorknob and walks right in with you on his arm.

“Dave’s making pasta,” Aaron whispers, smelling the air. He shuts the door gently, wanting to surprise the team as much as possible.

You sniff the air, too, smiling happily. “Smells really good. Is that carbonara?”

“Good nose,” a voice says from the kitchen.

“That’s Dave,” Aaron chuckles, walking you down the hall toward the smell.

The team’s eyes all widen dramatically and comically when Aaron Hotchner steps inside the kitchen with a woman on his arm.

“Well, hello,” one of them says, sliding off the stool at the counter to saunter over to you. He’s all suave and swagger.

“Derek Morgan, this is Y/N,” Aaron introduces you quickly, knowing the reaction your name will get.

“Hold up,” Derek pauses, glancing between you and Aaron. “Y/N? As in the Y/N?”

“I don’t know about being the Y/N, but that is my name,” you laugh. “Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Derek says, a hand over his heart to add to the sincerity. “Where have you been hiding all this time?”

“Getting a doctorate,” you shrug, only now realizing that your hand is still holding onto Aaron’s arm, but he doesn’t seem fazed by it either, so you don’t move.

“Oh, alright,” Derek chuckles. “Hey Reid, we’ve got another doctor here.”

The man in question, Reid, looks up from the book he was reading with furrowed eyebrows. “Hi.” He waves.

“Hey,” you wave back. “What’re you reading?”

“War and Peace. In Russian, though.”

“In-- Wow, okay.”

“He’s a genius,” Morgan explains.

“I see that,” you chuckle.

Aaron finishes the introductions for you. “That’s JJ, handles the press for us because none of us want to do it.”

“He’s not wrong,” JJ replies with a laugh. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” you smile.

“You met Reid, his first name’s Spencer,” Aaron supplies, and Reid is too far gone in the book again to notice. “This is Emily Prentiss.”

“And I have been dying to meet you,” Emily says. “You are exactly how he described.”

“In a good way, I hope?” You laugh nervously.

She nods. “Definitely.”

Aaron points to the other woman at the counter. She’s dressed in all sorts of crazy colors with glasses that match her outfit. And before he can introduce her, she says, “I’m Penelope Garcia, technology extraordinaire. I keep them out of trouble.”

“And we love you for it,” Derek adds.

“And this is Dave,” Aaron finishes.

“It is very nice to finally meet you,” Dave says, and actually shakes your hand. “Do you know how to make carbonara?”

“Yes, actually,” you say, earning a surprised look from Aaron. “I went through a phase when I was younger, wanting to make anything and everything that sounded good, so I’ve made this a few times. My mom loves it.”

Dave loves the sound of that. “Would you like to help me?”

You practically light up inside and out. “Seriously? I’d love to!”

“Oh, here we go,” Derek groans. “He’s roped her in.”

You ignore him, slipping away from Aaron to grab the other apron off the hook by the entrance to the kitchen. You slide your head through the loop and tie it at the back in a matter of seconds, too excited to contain it.

“I almost went to culinary school, you know,” you say to no one in particular, but Aaron is listening, and so is Dave.

“Why didn’t you?” Aaron asks.

You shrug. “Didn’t seem practical.” Which isn’t the real answer at all. The real answer is you got your heart broken and needed to do a complete 180 in life, so you did. Culinary school was out. Getting a doctorate was in. You turn on the water in the sink and begin washing your hands. “What do you need me to do?”

For the next hour, you help Dave make the carbonara, occasionally answering any questions Aaron’s friends have for you.

Aaron pours you a glass of wine and sits at the counter, watching you cook. You look more at peace than he’s seen you since a few days ago when he first bumped into you again.

You catch him looking at you more than a handful of times. It feels good. Spending the evening with his friends, his team, with him. You’ve missed spending time with him more than anything else.

Dave serves up the carbonara, telling you to sit down since you helped so much already. You don’t make him ask twice.

+++

After dinner, everyone moves into the living room, scattering on the various couches and chairs. Reid has finished reading War and Peace, so the book sits discarded on one of the coffee tables.

You take the spot on the couch next to Aaron, careful not to spill your wine. Penelope sits on the other side of you, with Derek on her other side, which all but forces you to move closer to Aaron, and something about the look on Penelope’s face tells you it was done on purpose.

You’re not exactly complaining, though. With a full stomach and a fresh glass of wine, Aaron’s presence is even warmer than before. You pay no mind when he shifts his left arm, stretching it over the back of the couch and allowing you to scoot closer, your legs pressed against each other’s.

The conversation continues, and somehow the subject of relationships is brought up.

“Yeah, why was I the only one asked to bring someone?” Aaron asks. “I’d like to see all of you find a last minute date.”

Another warm rush goes through your body at the word date. This is a date. Alright then.

“I think you did just fine,” Dave says, nodding to you. “Don’t you?”

You shrug, not sure of what to make of it. “I’m having fun, so I guess so.”

“See?” Dave gives Aaron a look. “You did fine.”

Aaron gives his friend a tired glare. “Only because she happened to be back from getting her degrees. Otherwise, I would’ve been stuck.”

“Nah, man, you could’ve called Beth.”

You feel Aaron tense next to you, but you aren’t sure if he tensed up or if you did. Maybe both. Probably both. You weren’t aware there was someone else.

“Who’s Beth?” You ask as casually as possible, ignoring the heated glares Penelope, JJ, and Emily alike are sending Derek. Seriously, Derek would be dead three times over right now if looks could be deadly.

Aaron shrugs before answering you. “Her and I dated briefly last year.”

You nod slowly, trying not to seem hurt or upset or anything by this because it’s ridiculous of you to be fighting back tears, but you can’t help it.

It’s high school, goddamnit, it’s fucking high school all over again.

The topic of conversation shifts thanks to Reid being the endless supplier of random facts. One question about Russian from Emily and he’s taking over, washing the awkwardness away in two languages.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as well for you as it does for everyone else.

You set your wine glass down on the table and tell Penelope you’re going to use the bathroom. You have no clue where it is, but she doesn’t know that.

Aaron does. And Aaron hears the tone of voice you use.

He waits until you’re down the hall before he stands to follow you, foregoing any explanation to his friends. They already know what he’s doing.

Aaron’s suspicions are correct when he hears the front door close and sees your coat no longer hanging next to his on the hook by the door. He grabs his and only gets one arm through a sleeve before he’s opening the door, eyes searching the premises for you.

Thankfully, he finds you after two seconds, and his racing heart slows a little. You’re standing by the reindeer lights on Dave’s front lawn. Your coat is only hanging on your shoulders, something you’ve always done since high school when you were upset.

“It feels more like a blanket,” you had told him one day. “Blankets are more comforting than jackets.”

He doesn’t see the difference, but you do, and that was enough for him.

He has both arms through the sleeves by the time he’s next to you. He gently touches your arm to get your attention, adding a soft, “Hey,” for good measure.

You turn your head at the sound, having already known he was coming because you heard the front door open. In the back of your mind, you had wanted him to follow you out here, but now that he’s done it, you aren’t so sure this is what you wanted.

You wanted to ignore the feeling. Get it to disappear on its own. Survive the night, then never talk to him again. You were heartbroken, but it was better when you weren’t speaking to him. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron says softly. “Beth and I haven’t spoken since our last date a year ago. It was only three dates. We weren’t serious at all.” He pauses. “I have no idea why Derek said that. He doesn’t think before he speaks sometimes.”

You nod, not having it in you to laugh at Aaron’s small jab, even though he is entirely correct. Derek is a quick thinker with a sharp wit, but you can see how it might backfire sometimes. Like tonight.

You believe Aaron, you really do. But it’s so hard. “Did you love her?”

Aaron is stunned for a moment, but says, “No. I don’t think I did.”

“Okay.” You shake your head, looking down at the grass. “I’m just trying to figure out why Derek would’ve brought her up if...if you guys dated so briefly.”

Aaron sighs. “I don’t know.”

“And is this a date?” You blurt, finally finding the courage to get that one out. “Because if it is, I…I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

You shake your head again, trying to find the right words, but they always seem out of reach. “Just...tell me this won’t be like high school.”

This time Aaron is too stunned to form a real answer. “What?”

“Please,” you sound like you’re about to cry and you feel so pathetic that you wish you had never agreed to come tonight. But you’re here anyway. “I was in love with you then, and I’m still in love with you now, but I can’t do that again. So if this is a just friends thing and always will be, I need you to tell me before I hurt myself all over again.”

Aaron can’t believe his ears. He swears he heard you wrong. He must have. “You were in love with me in high school, too?”

“Yes-- Wait, too? What do you mean too?” Now you’re looking at him, eyes wide in confusion, shock, every emotion possible. “Too?”

“I was in love with you, Y/N,” he chuckles, reaching for your hands. “I thought you just saw me as an older brother. That’s why I never...said anything.”

“What?” You breathe, letting him thread his fingers through yours. “Are you serious? You better not be pulling my leg, Hotchner. Don’t do that to me.” You tug on his hands for emphasis, giving him a stern look.

“I’m not joking,” he says, taking a step closer. “I wouldn’t joke about this.”

“Oh my god,” you say, disbelief a powerful thief of words. “I can’t believe… So you went after Haley because…”

“Because I heard from one of her friends that she had a crush on me,” he admits. “I did love her, but not as much as I loved you. Never as much as I loved you.”

You don’t know what else to do or say. He looks so beautiful in this light that it hurts, and now he’s saying words you never thought you’d ever hear.

“Do you forgive me?” He asks. “For breaking your heart?”

“Only if you forgive me for breaking yours,” you whisper.

He shakes his head. “I broke my own. I should’ve told you how I felt.” He pauses. “I even talked to you about Haley all the time. Is that why you didn’t say goodbye to me?”

You nod. “It sounds so stupid now, but I was so hurt.”

“I’m an idiot,” he laughs. “I’m the dumbest fool to ever walk the Earth.”

“We both are,” you correct him, taking a step closer. It’s cold out here, but he’s warm. He’s always been so warm. Like home.

And you-- you’ve always been who Aaron thinks of when he thinks about being happy. It’s always been you. A moment like this, and a thousand others. He wants them all. And to think, you do too.

His lips meet yours in a long-awaited kiss, cold noses bumping against one another, his warm hands holding your face, your chilled fingers finding their home on his neck, stealing his warmth.

From the window, the team watches, and Emily exchanges money with Derek.

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