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#i have learned a lot about iron poisoning and what happens if you have too much oxygen
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Oooh body horror of dragon slayers love to see what u come up with 😈 ~
You get me! I'm so excited to do this!
Natsu's veins look like actual lava. Most times its very faint and you can't see it but when he gets mad they glow
His blood is so hot that it burns through things. He got a nose bleed once and melted a table
If he uses dragon force too often, his skin starts to blister and peel like super bad burns.
He also has a ton of burn scars. He didn't build up a tolerance to heat overnight and almost all of his body has rough, painful looking scars (little Natsu was always wrapped in bandages)
Gajeel's dead skin is straight iron and can give people tiny cuts. He wears a ton of lotion because any bit of roughness can hurt the people close to him
This is also the case for cuts on his body. The edges of the wounds sharpen and make it almost impossible to get stitches or bandages. He's also injured several doctors
His eyes and skin end up yellowing with age because of the extreme amount of iron in his body
His skin is either insanely cold or hot. If he gets too hot his skin turns bright red and sizzles. Too cold and he can actually freeze over (also yes, he rusts especially around his fingers and toes)
If Wendy uses her Dragon Force too much, she starts sprouting little feather nubs in her normal form. She has to pull them out with tweezers. It's very painful
Overtime her face and hands develop muscle spasms and tremors. She has a hard time controlling her expressions and gets to the point where she can't even hold items because her hands shake so violently
When she uses too much magic, her skin starts to turn blue from lack of oxygen. She has passed out from it before but it's very rare. The blue is almost every time and her lips are now constantly blue
Her finger nails are black/brown from the lack of oxygen in her blood. Overtime her finger tips turn the same color, but the nails start soon after her first dragon force (she hid it by painting her nails but had to tell others once her actual fingers started to turn)
Laxus' veins are also insane. They mostly look crazy like lighting bolts across his entire body. Drawing blood from him is a nightmare. Especially because his veins are incredibly thin too
He also has a shit ton of burn scars. More so on his hands and arms but also the inside of his mouth is incredibly scarred because of use of his magic
His entire back is covered in those lightning bolt scars too. They are not super visible but if you get up close it's insane
Erik's blood is straight acid. Just a papercut is enough to seriously injure someone. It's so strong that he can't even be operated on.
His skin is super thin. Like if you shine a strong flashlight on him, you can see all his veins and stuff
Because Sting's entire body makes light, he has like an insane amount of sun damage. His skin is very rough, cracked, and often has random burn spots scattered around his body
Rogue straight up feels like a dead body. When he was a kid, he looked like one too. Too skinny, bones popping out, super pale, and cold. As he got older he learned how to bulk up, but his magic still takes it's toll on his body
His pupils are always super big. Like you can barely see his eye color because his pupils are massive. Because of this, his eyes look absolutely massive
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ryuichirou · 6 months
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Seeing that you have TreyRiddle in your "ships we love" list makes me so happy! thank you for appreciating them and for the beautiful art! (rare treyriddle fan). It's canon that Trey is overprotective of Riddle, but do you think he could go a little yandere for him? I like the idea of Trey being this person who doesn't like meddling into others' businesses or standing out, but everything changes when it comes to Riddle. What if he one day decides to stand up against his mom? (I'd love this to happen in the main story!!)
Also Trey going full bananas during sex and in a spur of the moment, he marks Riddle to the point that poor boy has to wear make up or a concealment spell to cover the hickeys lol
Sorry for replying so late, Anon! And thank you for enjoying our stuff <3 I’m glad to hear you like TreyRiddle.
You know, ironically we did discuss that exact theme right before getting your ask! (We also talked about this trope a liiiittle bit a couple of months ago)
We really like the idea of unhinged Trey! His protectiveness of Riddle really isn’t always the healthiest, so he fits the yandere trope very nicely, despite usually being a very pleasant and nice guy. But this is what makes it better – he is such a nice guy you wouldn’t expect anything bad from him (well if you’re not Rook or Idia who sussed him out lol). Trey is nice, but there is one thing that he hates – when someone makes Riddle upset. And there is one person who upsets him constantly.
The thing that we discussed is that it’s surprisingly easy to imagine a scenario in which Trey just… kills Riddle’s mother at some point. Of course, he would do it secretly, and he wouldn’t have any problems with hiding her body because he learned some helpful lifehacks at the science club about certain properties of certain acids. Of course, Riddle would be absolutely devastated, so he would support him, say that they just don’t know where his mother is, maybe she got lost, maybe she went somewhere and forgot to tell anyone; he would tell him all kinds of lame excuses while hugging him tight at saying that it’s okay and that he’s here. Very manipulative of him, but hey, at least no one ruins Riddle’s life anymore! So it’s for the best.
…that definitely won’t happen in the main story lol but even if we take a less drastic scenario, he could still spook and threaten her. Or maybe poison her so she can’t speak anymore. I’m pretty sure that even if Trey ends up not doing anything, he would definitely fantasize think about it.
Ahem. That got kind of dark huh!
To comment on another idea of yours about Trey leaving a lot of marks on Riddle, yeah this is definitely going to happen the moment Trey gets too horny to be careful with Riddle lol But I think Riddle doesn’t like to be babied in bed, so he would be glad that Trey is doing whatever he wants. But when he sees himself in a mirror the next morning, he’ll absolutely freak out. It’ll look much scarier and more intense than he thought….
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lakesbian · 10 months
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hm… freaque 📓
📓 A headcanon about their hobbies
yaaay a silly one :) alec like all of the undersiders does not have a lot of time for a rich hobby life but he 'slacks off' by taylor, brian, and lisa standards so he's got a lil more free time than them. he's not very good at picking up new hobbies or learning things because "it's boring" (read: he has depression) but he likes his art and video games and movies. i think when he was a kid he was really into hiding and drawing for hours to pass the time and he made up a bunch of 7 year old typical OCs. they were all really strong and tough and cool and could fly and so on but really terrible things happened to all of them all the time anyway. not a single happy ending in any of those comics.
he stopped drawing as much when he entered The Pussy Mind Palace from ages ten thru thirteen but then tried it again after he joined the undersiders, discovered he still liked it and was still good at it, and decided to branch out into other mediums (particularly graffiti) for fun too. now he's really into drawing extremely cool undersider costume/emblem/base designs he'll never show them. and sketches of things he saw recently that he thought were interesting. he's drawn all of the other undersiders at least once as a "well i'm bored and the costumes are pretty cool i guess" thing. totally draws himself as regent looking all Cool and Badass and Maybe Even Having A Throne. absolutely tried to act all irony poisoned and detached and uninterested when aisha found the entire page in his sketchbook that was just her doing cool stuff as imp but he's not fooling her. she saw that concept drawing of them Posing Badassly with matching costumes. once every like 30 sketchbook pages there's just the most violent gore and/or sex act and/or both at once you've ever seen, which he thinks says absolutely nothing about him. yes he uses reference images to make sure he fully grasps what exploded heads look like.
oh and he loves being like "i am going to draw something ironically, as a joke, and then post it to PHO, also ironically, as a joke, to troll them, as a joke, ironically." and then he spends 5 hours meticulously drawing something that could, if you turn your head 90 degrees, squint, and assume the most conservative mindset humanly possible, theoretically be mildly inflammatory to someone somewhere. and posts it and reads and likes all of the comments complimenting it.
he kinda sucks at video games btw. there's, like, one (1) he's spent enough time on to be good at and he's smug about it but outside of that he's just genuinely not very naturally good at them. his depth perception is fine and everything he's just not very good at concentrating on strategizing for long enough because there's no actual threat to his life to get his brain going. he totally overinflated his perception of how good he is because brian is Even Worse and he won those incompetent v. incompetent matchups like 75% of the time but then he starts playing aisha and just gets his ass handed to him 9/10 times
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meatbricks · 2 months
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i am definitely interested in learning more about bruteforce's childhood (and about his family in general), especially his family's "violent streak" that you mentioned. 👀
SKJHSJNJSNJ HI!!!! THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST :DDDD its always good to hear from you and also im. so glad i finally get to talk about the insanity that is this mfer's life before The Murders™
ANYWAYS. headcanon time :D
warning(s): bullying, medical complications (x-rays, false diagnosis, injuries), cannibalism, uhhhhh. a serial killer having supportive parents for once
so first thing's first, his family is huge. granted not all of them live in the same place (a lot of them live out of state, actually), but his parents just kinda. used that as an excuse to go on family vacations all the time LOL
also worth noting here is that he's an only child so uh. yeah no sibling shenanigans here, we already had enough of that with painter— (trust me he still does some fucked up shit later)
as i mentioned somewhere in the tags of this post, his home life was actually pretty good! in general his family gets along with each other surprisingly well & are pretty close, which is surprising because...
..they're all criminally insane!! yeah their murderous tendencies might not be directed towards each other, but they're definitely present.. think stereotypical "mafia crime family" kind of deal but less sophisticated and more. like. redneck? i guess??? LMAO
so yeah, generally. a lot of texas chainsaw vibes (which is kind of ironic because. yknow. he wears a mask made of human skin)
(also in case anyone's wondering, his dad was of italian descent & his mom was of russian descent)
really his behavior as a kid (specifically towards other kids) is a question of nature vs nurture??? because like.. he was kinda raised to be that way, but it was less of his parents making him do it and more of them encouraging him once he'd started doing it on his own
nonetheless he was basically the resident Schoolyard Bully™ in elementary/middle school... he'd just sort of. casually beat people up and steal people's stuff just for kicks
ofcourse someone tried to bring it up with his parents but. you can probably imagine how that ended up
so yeah there was just kind of. nothing anyone could do about it LMAO.. although it's also worth mentioning that some people did fight back (older kids, usually, and yes he'd fuck with them too), which resulted in. lots of injuries, and subsequently lots of x-rays, and that's where the radiation poisoning came from!! :D
he also hit puberty pretty early (like. 8-9 years old), and thats around when The Doll Incident™ happened (as mentioned in the gen hc post)
besides that though not much happened besides his dad deciding "yknow what??? this kid's gonna take over my career when i retire :)"
after middle school he kinda chilled out a little bit??? mostly because he joined the wrestling team and could now beat people up and be rewarded for it
that's also when he met his first girlfriend (they met in a nightclub he lied his way into and he was enchanted by her Neurodivergent Swag™) and committed his first murder (and had his first cannibalism moment!!!!!! good for him <3)
his police training also started at this point, and hanging out with his dad's coworkers kinda made him think "man. the police force kinda sucks. really fucking inept. i wonder how much murder i could get away with before they catch me"
little did he know, though, that's the whole reason why his dad was in the police force.. so that he & his son could get away with murder (and also, to extension, why his dad wanted him to join)
annnd lastly he did end up moving out at 18, but still keeps in touch with his parents (his mom was actually the one who told him about the giant abandoned house in the woods that he moved to LOL)
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itsthegameilike · 1 year
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Best Books of 2022
And I’m back again with another list of books that I think everyone should read. Or, at least, books I think are halfway decent given the other books I’ve read this year. To be fair, it was a better year than I thought. Anyway, without further ado, the best ten books I read, plus some honorable mentions:
Nona the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir In full disclosure, I knew this book would be on my list before I even read it and I was not disproven in that assumption by the time I finished. Hands down, the best book I read this year and it’s not even that close. Books tend to take me a lot longer to finish as I get older, but this one took me two days. Obviously, if you haven’t read Gideon the Ninth or Harrow the Ninth, you should, but this odd little sequel was probably my favorite one yet. Nona is such a refreshing character--a bombshell of light and love and curiosity--and it is as queer as ever. Bonus, if you have a soft spot for Camilla or Palamedes, as I do, you got blessed this book.
In the Dream House - Carmen Maria Machado I actually read far more nonfiction this year than I usually do, thanks to getting burnt out on fantasy, my staple. This book is the best of the bunch and absolutely incredible. The writing is poignant and lovely and careful and the topic of domestic abuse is tackled by an author who is invested in making you understand what they went through. It’s personal, it’s internal, and it broke me more than once. Definitely worth looking up trigger warnings, but also definitely worth reading.
The Half Life of Valery K - Natasha Pulley If Natasha Pulley publishes a book, it goes on this list. I have an unending love and devotion for the romances and relationships she crafts. There is such a tenderness and solitude and loneliness to all of them that always punches me straight in the gut. I love her and I am very biased, but this book was as incredible as always. Bonus points, you learn quite a bit about nuclear reactors and nuclear poisoning, too. Not her most realistic and probably not her best, but I still love it to bits.
The Master and Margarita - Mikhail Bulgakov This is a Russian novel from the 1940s that I think is best described by saying that the devil shows up in Moscow and wreaks absolute havoc. It is bizarre and mythic and surrealist, but it is also heartfelt and an utter joy to read. I was never bored, the characters were five parts humorous and five parts relatable, and I still regularly think about the magician show scene on a daily basis.
Clear Light of Day - Anita Desai This book is in many ways indescribable for me. I read it in August, when the days were hot, and the book felt exactly like those long summer afternoons. It cast a sort of spell over me and I would often sit and read twenty pages, then sit and think about them for forty-five minutes. It’s a deep dive into the decay of a country and the decay of a family and their relationships and an exploration of the choices we make in life, how they alter it, and how often we sit and imagine what would’ve happened if we chose differently.
Time is a Mother - Ocean Vuong My one book of a poetry and another that I was positive would end up on this list. Ocean has been a wordsmith rock of mine since college and he did not disappoint in this collection. I highly recommend “The Last Dinosaur” and “Almost Human”. If you read nothing else, read those.
Breaking Bread with the Dead: A Reader’s Guide to a More Tranquil Mind - Alan Jacobs If there was a required reading list for anyone who would like to approach what they read with critical thinking skills, this would be on it. This book is a manifesto to the grays of the world, a sort of rejoicing in how nothing is black and white, and I felt so refreshed reading it. There are also so many great book recommendations in here, including Clear Light of Day already on this list, so it has alternate functions, as well. This book gave me hope, to be honest, so if you need that, look no further.
Iron Widow - Xiran Jay Zhao Man, this book. It is like an electric shock to the system. There is so much good here that even the occasionally clunky dialogue means nothing to me. The characters are stunning, there is really excellent polyamory the way I wish more media would display it, there’s Chinese myth, and big metal monsters smashing the patriarchy. The end had a twist that was actually shocking and I cannot wait for the second book. I’ve mostly outgrown young adult at this point, but please read this one, even if you feel the same.
Daughter of the Moon Goddess - Sue Lynn Tan This book was breathtaking. It feels lush when you’re reading it, the descriptions so well done, and I was so swept up in the setting, in the plot, in the pleasant, warm reminders of other Chinese dramas it gave me, that I hardly minded the naivete of the main character, Xingyin. The love triangle isn’t unbearable, as there are clear, obvious breaks with the love interests when she is romantically interested in the other, and Xingyin grows into something just as bold and beautiful as the book. One caveat, I also read the sequel this year and I kind of wish I hadn’t. It’s not nearly as good and I sort of wish this had been a standalone experience for me.
Crying in H Mart - Michelle Zauner I read this at the very start of the year, so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember that this book was profoundly sad, deeply meaningful, and heartbreakingly lovely. Nothing is held back by the author as she explores her relationship with her mother and the grief that came with her death. I would recommend this to anyone at any time for any reason. It’s that good.
Honorable Mentions: The Charm Offensive by Allison Cochrun, The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison, Deathless by Catherynne M Valente, Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher, H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald, and The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novak
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antvnger · 11 months
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((Actually! Since I mulled around with timelines just a bit, 95% of the arc reactor stuff takes place while Scott is in prison. Technically, the arc reactor was created months before Scott was arrested, and then everything else takes place before Scott’s release. By the time Ant-Man comes into the picture, the arc reactor is only seated in the suits until Tony makes the arc reactor model we see in Infinity War, which I say he made a lot earlier in this AU because he just needed it but that’s another meta headcanon for another time.
And technically, according to the MCU timeline, the arc reactor’s umm…arc actually takes place over the course of 2 years. A quick google search shows the events of IM1 actually are supposed to take place in 2010 and IM3 takes place in 2012. And Scott was incarcerated from June 2012 to June 2015, so I just merged some timelines together.
So short answer, all the arc reactor stuff took place while Scott Stark was in prison, and he found out about the arc reactor and the poison and the surgery long after it all occurred.
See below for how it went down.))
Finding out about all of that was scary for Scott Stark to say the least.
He of course knew about the arc reactor. How could he not since he’s been around Iron Man more than once and has been shown the arc reactor.
The same arc reactor his grandfather first envisioned that sat larger than life in Stark Industries could now fit in the palm of his hand. That was wild.
But what was crazier? Scott learned it all from Cassie.
It was actually when Cassie had swiped his helmet to play with and when she had blue construction paper taped to her shirt and definitely after Scott sent the photo of her to Tony.
“Daddy, did you know that the arc reactor kept Uncle Tony’s heart alive?”
Scott froze, unsure if he heard that correctly. “...what?”
“Uh huh," she replied, unfazed by her dad's sudden shift in demeanor. "When those bad guys took him, his heart got hurt, and the arc reactor kept ‘sharpnal’ from getting into it and hurting it more.”
Hurting it more. Or worse actually. “...what?”
That’s when the phone call happened. At least, as soon as Cassie was out of earshot anyway.
“Tony, why the hell am I learning about you having shrapnel in your heart from my kid instead of you?”
Well shit. Tony had been hoping to protect Scott from that. He knew how the news of his kidnapping threw Scott into such a panicked mess, thanks to Pepper and Maggie, that Tony knew he wouldn’t react well to the truth about why the arc reactor was miniaturized in the first place.
“Had,” Tony corrected gently. “I had shrapnel in my heart, but surgery took care of that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s nothing to worry about anymore. It wasn’t anything to worry about before you even got out of prison. The shrapnel, the hole in my chest, the poison, all of that is behind me now and nothing you need to worry about.”
He lost Scott completely at poison. “Poison! They poisoned you too??”
Shit! “Actually it was the Palladium in the arc reactor which was accelerated due to me using the suits–”
That did not help at all. Scott's jaw dropped. “You poisoned yourself?!”
“No! Well I mean not intentionally. I didn’t know though, okay? I didn’t know until it was spreading and I was starting to feel the effects.”
“Until you could feel it killing you, you mean.” Scott’s starting to panic now, temporarily forgetting that this was a past tense discussion of events.
“Scott buddy, listen. I’m fine. The poison is gone and cured, thanks to a little diddy I like to call Badassium which cured the poisoning. Turns out Grandpa Howard actually was some merit to me after all. And the shrapnel is gone, and I’m okay. I’m fine, Scott,” he said slowly, calmly. “Breathe, Scotty, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
“You promise you’re okay?”
“I swear on DUM-E I’m fine, and the things you’re panicking about right now aren’t worth your time and effort. It’s okay, Scott. I’m okay.”
Tony’s relieved to hear Scott take deliberately long, slow breaths. “That’s it, Scotty. Atta kid, it’s all good now. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
After a moment of quiet on the other end, he heard a soft, curious voice ask, “Badassium, huh?”
Tony chuckled and nodded. “Next time you come over, I’ve got some pretty impressive holoprojections to show you. It’ll give more depth to the name.” Then after a beat, he asked, “You okay?”
Scott nodded even though Tony couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry I freaked. That was…”
“A lot thrown on you all at once and without warning, yeah I get it. Sorry you found out that way.”
“That’s okay.”
“I just thought–”
“No, no, I get it. Why make me worry about something already said and done, right?”
“Exactly. You sure you’re alright? Anxiety worked out of your system?”
“Yeah yeah, I’m fine now, Tones. I'm good...and I’m really glad you’re still around, ya know.”
Tony smiled softly. “I know. Thanks, Scottster. I’m glad you still let me be around,” he teased gently.
They eventually hung up the phone, and Tony sighed as he looked at the schematics of new arc reactor models.
He really was better than what he was, and he didn’t need the arc reactor to stay alive. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he couldn’t let the arc reactor go completely. Not just for Iron Man but for himself. For whatever reason, he still felt like he needed it.
A whisper. "I'm fine."
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alaffy · 2 years
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Riverdale, Ep. 6x14 - Venomous (spoilers)
Boy this episode really retconned a lot of Betty's history. They also, somehow, made Alice even worse of a character. I didn't think that was possible, but here we are.
Here's where we stand at the beginning of the episode. Archie is still trying to fight Percival and needs to build up strength against the Palladium. Betty is asking Jughead for help to unlock her memories. Veronica is asking Curdle (seriously, it's time for him to become a regular) for help with the toxic poison in her body. Cheryl is trying to contact Heather.
Cheryl will continue to contact Heather in this episode and she will show up at the end. Cheryl will also help Archie and Veronica out with their problems because she's become the expert on all things magical now (although, she did see the image of her brother when she fell through the lake in season one, so I guess you could retcon that into her having visions).
Archie goes to Jughead to talk about powers. Meanwhile, Jughead has been doing research by going through his old comics. Not sure if Jughead suddenly having a history of comic book collection is a retcon or Rivervale seeping in. Actually, I take that back. Archie has a flashback to Rivervale about that same question, so it is a Rivervale thing. Anyway, it's Jughead who says Archie needs to build up an immunity. So, Archie starts wearing a Palladium rock and just gets sicker. Betty tells him he shouldn't wear the rock as it's clearly hurting him. Cheryl tells him he's stupid for wearing the rock and needs to drink the Palladium instead (...we sure Abgail left the body?). Not surprisingly, that makes Archie worse and somehow sucks all the iron out of his body. Sure. But Cheryl has a spell for that too, a way to forge him so to speak...but it may kill him. Archie and Betty request one more night before they continue. Asking for one more night before continuing this story may or may not be symbolic to the relationship (especially because of some of the things that happen in this episode). So, they have their night and then Archie meets with Cheryl, who has him read a spell in Latin (I'll give you a moment to picture this). Surprise, the spell works and he's invulnerable.
Meanwhile, Veronica is not only being told that she has toxins running through her system and that she may be dying; Reggie has decided that he's sick of being her doormat (to be fair, he is justified on that point) and plans to take the Casino. However, during a night of drinking with Betty and Archie, Veronica realizes that she's not getting drunk. So she goes to Cheryl and grabs a bunch of poisons and books on spiders. Surprise, she can't be poisoned and (so long as she controls her emotions) she won't harm anyone. Except, she can't have relations with people either. Well....
On the Betty and Jughead front, Jughead goes into Betty's mind and starts to read it (through Betty comics, no less). The first thing he sees is their first kiss and then he sees the moment where she wonders if evil can be passed down (at the same time when Betty just had a pregnancy scare, huh.). But then, Jughead sees Betty kill Caramel and the conversation Betty and Hal apparently had afterward. Apparently, kitty was evil and had to die because it tried to run away. Also, it's clear that Hal has always been grooming Betty. Suddenly, Betty's memory loss throughout the show is becoming understandable because who would want to remember that! Later, during Betty and Jughead's second session, we find out that Hal had Alice take a test and, in fact, Alice had the Serial Killer Gene. Which she said to Betty that only Betty had. Of course, when Betty confronts her, Alice lies to Betty.
Betty has had enough and ask Jughead to read Alice's mind. Here's the thing, I do understand Jughead's reluctance and normally would agree with him on this. But you know what? After everything Alice has done and everything we learned this episode, I don't care. I am simply to the point where any sympathy I had for the character is gone. Turns out, Hal has killed before the Blackhood and Alice helped him hide the body. She knew that Hal was grooming Betty and that's why she was hard on Betty all these years, to counteract it. No, bitch. You want to help your child? Turn in Hal, get Betty away from him. I just...I'm done. No offence to the Madchen, who is really talented, but we've passed the point of no return for this character. I really hope they get rid of her this season.
Ok, so. Now we get to the final moments of the episode, which is pretty interesting. So, not surprisingly the kiss was click bait. I figured the kiss between Archie and Veronica was to test his powers. However, it turns out it was a suggestion by Betty so that Veronica could have one last good moment between another person. Uh-huh. And it's not to show that there is at least one person who she could be with, perhaps? Meanwhile, Jughead suddenly has flashes of several intimate moments with Betty. He then gets a text from Tabitha and he tells her he really misses her. At the same time, those images clearly have him rattled.
Also, that song Toxic...about a girl who's addicted to a man (which, in fairness, could be seen as a negative). Well, Roberto did say that their would be love triangles this seasons and that the endgames weren't set in stone yet. Where this will go, we shall see.
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CW: Graphic violence, assault, death.
Over a month since I’ve posted. The name of my blog really is my truth. I’ve been writing a lot lately, but for competitions that don’t allow me to post the stories for X amount of time after submission. Here’s a short story I wrote for NYC Midnight’s short story competition. This piece received 8th place of ten, and got me into the next round.
Genre: Historical Fiction | Subject: an apprenticeship | Character: a door-to-door salesperson.
A Sale to Remember
In which twelve-year-old Jack Waybury learns from his father, David, what it truly means to be a door-to-door salesman.
Jack Waybury always thought his father looked great in a suit. The charm that surrounded David Waybury when he tucked in his shirt and donned a wide-lapelled jacket was something that Jack aspired to have in his own right someday. His mother must have been out of her mind to leave them, as women always seemed to flock to his father. David spent a lot of time with these women, often spending several nights away from their apartment, leaving twelve-year-old Jack alone.
Jack didn’t think it was all bad, though. Twelve years old, all but on his own, in Philadelphia in 1975. His father kept the kitchen stocked with plenty of soda, microwavable pizzas, and TV dinners, which Jack enjoyed while watching reruns of Happy Days. Before his mother left, Jack and his father would watch the show together, laughing at the shenanigans that Ritchie, Potsie, and Ralph would get into. David would tell him about the pranks and tricks that he and his friends would pull when he was a kid. Jack often thought of the friends he used to have when they lived in Lahaska, before he and his father moved into the apartment in Philly. Nowadays, with his father gone most of the time, Jack identified more with Fonzie, and thought to himself, how cool would it be to be a bad boy?
He awoke one morning to the apartment door handle slamming against the wall behind it. Having fallen asleep on the couch the night before, Jack was disoriented as his father burst into the apartment, disheveled as though he too had spent the night on someone’s couch. David roused his son quickly, tossing clothes from the floor onto the ratty couch as he shoved some of his own into his briefcase.
“Get up, son,” David said, “today is your big day! You’re coming to work with me!”
After the initial shock of being awoken so quickly, Jack took a moment to observe his father as he picked his previous day's clothes from the living room floor. His father’s suits were normally well kept, flat with ironed precision, immaculate, and free of stains. Jack noticed that his father didn’t actually look like he slept on someone’s couch, rather that he hadn’t slept at all. If he had, it may as well have been on the street..
“Dad, what happened to you?” Jack asked.
“If you would believe it, yesterday I was stepping off the bus on my way to my first customer of the day when I saw a woman that looked just like your mother,” David spit the words as if they were poison in his mouth, “I tripped off the bus step and fell right into the mud on the curb! Now get dressed, we have to go get you a suit. Can’t have my son looking unpresentable on his first day on the job!”
Jack pulled one sock on and reached under the couch searching for its mate. “Wow, dad,” he said, “what did your customers say when they saw you?”
“Uh, I didn’t make it to the customer’s house,” he stammered, “I took the rest of the day off.”
“Oh.”
David dashed through the apartment, stuffing various items into his briefcase. He pressed his weight on top of it to latch it closed. David removed his soiled clothing and retreated to the bedroom to change. The blazer that he had flung across a kitchen chair was flecked with stains, and though Jack couldn’t see well enough from across the dimly lit room to know for sure, he thought to himself that it didn’t quite look like mud on the fabric. As they hurriedly finished getting dressed, Jack told his father how excited he was to get his own suit.
“Are you gonna teach me how to be a salesman, dad?” he asked.
“Everything I know, son,” David replied, “Call it an apprenticeship.”
They rode the city bus downtown and Jack gazed out the window as they passed by apartments and bodegas, his head jostling against the glass with every bump in the road. He daydreamed about going back to Lahaska with his dad and going door to door to sell whatever goods they had to peddle that day. He would sell squirt guns and stink bombs, and when he rang his friends' doorbells they would answer and see him standing there in an immaculate suit. They would be so impressed with him that they would buy his entire stock! The windows rattled in their frames as loudly as Jack’s daydreams, and he didn’t notice that his father seemed to be speaking quietly to no one in particular. On a city bus in Philly, however, this wouldn’t be an extraordinary sight to anyone else if he had.
The bus rattled to a stop and David and Jack moved to disembark. “Watch your step, dad,” Jack warned, jokingly.
“What? Oh, right,” David recalled and made a dramatic showing of stepping carefully off of the bus for his son. “I won’t be tripping off the bus again, that’s for sure!”
At the Men’s Warehouse in downtown Philadelphia, Jack and his father waded through racks of suits as David searched for just the right one for his son. Jack pulled a purple tweed blazer from the children’s rack excitedly, but his father insisted that was too much flair for a new salesman. “You have to earn a jacket like that,” his father told him. David settled on matching solid navy blue suits for the both of them. He spoke to the salesman as they were fitted, and declined tailoring when the salesman pushed for it.
“We will take them as is,” he said, “and we will wear them out.”
Jack noticed that the suits that they had on were not as fantastic as what his father normally wore. As they rode the bus, he didn’t feel as good as he thought he would wearing the suit either. That clerk was probably right, Jack thought, if we got it hemmed it would feel better. He wondered if this would still be the exciting, glamorous day he’d hoped for.
Jack wished they were going to Lahaska, but his father said Leonia was where they were most likely to make a sale.
“What are we selling today, dad?” Jack asked, hoping it would be something interesting, like water balloons or fake rubber bugs.
“I’ve got my hands on a nice set of kitchen knives that any one of these little housewives is sure to enjoy,” his father replied, gripping the briefcase tightly.
“Oh.”
Jack thought he heard his father whispering, but the noises of the bus engine overwhelmed the sound, and he wasn’t sure. Then, as they paced the neighborhood sidewalks, David taught his son the art of the sale.
“Just follow my lead, let me do the talking,” he said, “You’re still cute, so we’ll use that to our advantage. Housewives love the natural charisma of a kid in a suit. If I ask you a question, agree with me, and do everything I say.”
Jack nodded. He would do his best to be a good apprentice to his father, even if he didn’t feel like the million bucks he thought he would.
The afternoon sun shone brightly on the facade of the ranch style house they’d chosen. As David rang the doorbell, briefcase in hand, he reminded Jack one more time of his first lesson.
“Don’t be nervous. Just listen to me and follow my lead.”
A blonde woman answered the door. “Hello, gentlemen,” she said, smiling at Jack, “How can I help you?”
“Hello, ma’am, I’m so glad we were able to catch you before dinner!” David started, “My name’s David and this is my son, Jack. I just know that a woman in a home this beautiful only cooks the freshest fruits and vegetables for her family. We’ve got a marvelous set of knives we’d love to show you. May we come in?”
“Please do, I’ve been telling my husband that I need new kitchen knives. I’ll warn you, though, he’s a bit of a tough sell!” she laughed.
David and the woman, Cheryl, made comfortable small talk while they waited for her husband, Frank.
David sat on the edge of his seat, “You folks have a lovely home.”
The grandfather clock tick-tocked while David made himself comfortable. The click of the lock hitting the briefcase as it opened was jarring to Jack. His father hunted through the papers and clothing he had hastily packed inside, doing his best not to show the haphazard mess to their customers. From within he pulled something that appeared to be the size of his fist. He raised his arm quickly and threw it at Frank’s head. The sudden trauma to his temple knocked him unconscious, and Cheryl screamed. David unsheathed a pistol from the case and pointed it at her.
“Keep your fucking mouth shut,” he snapped, “Another sound from you and you’ll both be tasting bullets.”
David kept his eyes and the weapon pointed at Cheryl as he rummaged through the case with his free hand. He tossed a handful of zip ties to Jack, most of which fell to the floor.
“Put their wrists together and thread the end of the tie through the loop,” he directed, “pull it as tight as you can. Start with him.”
Jack was stunned. He couldn’t move.
“Now!”
The shout stirred Jack back to life. He had never seen this anger and malice in his fathers eyes. His legs felt gelatinous and his hands shook as he shifted the heavy man forward in the recliner to bind his wrists together behind his back.
“Good,” David praised, “now her next.”
Cheryl tried to plead with Jack, “please, baby,” she whispered, “don’t do this. Run and get help.”
David stepped across the room and stuck the gun to her cheek. “Shut up! Another word and this goes through your skull.”
She relinquished herself for Jack to bind her. The ties closed much tighter around the thinness of her wrists.
David reached once more into the case, procuring a large kitchen knife. He handed it to Jack. “Hold this carefully,” he said. He turned to Cheryl and reassured her, “Our knives are very sharp, but Jack has been taught very well how to safely hold the tool.”
Jack held the weapon in trembling hands. “Steady yourself,” his father snarled, “keep a firm grip. If your hand is too loose, you’ll drop it.”
Jack gripped the knife as instructed. Surely his father wouldn’t hurt his own son, should Jack disobey him in these terrifying moments. Then again, Jack never thought his father was capable of what they were doing, so who really knew what could happen?
David ordered his son to keep watch on the couple, gagging them with dirty socks from the case before stepping out of the room to see what valuables he could find. Jack watched Cheryl’s eyes as they pleaded with him to stop this and save them. He didn’t know how much time he had, if his father came back and he was helping them escape, he would hurt them all.
The room was quiet, only the stifled sounds of tears filled the air until Jack heard an engine cut off, then a car door slam. Cheryl’s eyes widened. Someone else was here. Jack panicked and hid next to the door behind a thick-leaved potted plant.
A young woman entered the home and closed the door behind her before seeing the horror that was in her living room. Her jaw dropped as well as her purse as she saw her parents bound and gagged. Cheryl screamed through the gag in her mouth when she saw David return with the pistol in one hand and a fistful of jewelry in the other.
Jack leaped from behind the plant and stood facing the young woman with the knife in his grip. David pointed the pistol at her and whispered something unintelligible to himself. He stepped towards her slowly. Placing the valuables in his blazer pocket, he reached toward her. She stood motionless, paralyzed in fear. Jack could hear his heartbeat pounding louder than the ticking of the clock. David grabbed the woman and wrapped his arm around her neck, changing his orientation to point the pistol at Cheryl once again.
“Do it, Jack,” he pleaded, “use the knife. Right there, in her stomach.”
The woman screamed. “She’s squirming, but I’ll hold her tight for you. She’s not going anywhere.”
Jack hesitated.
“Do it!”
The insanity boiled from his father’s eyes as he turned the gun to point at his son. “Do it, Jack. We need to go. If you don’t do it, very bad things will happen. To you, and to all of these people. Now, tighten your grip and stab her!”
Jack wrapped his fingers tightly around the handle of the knife and screamed as he plunged it into her stomach. Blood poured from her torso as she cried out, twisting her entire body beneath David’s grip. Jack removed the knife and blood spurted against his blue blazer. He screamed just as she had.
David threw her to the floor and stole the knife from his son. He tossed it back into the briefcase and snapped it shut before pulling Jack by the sleeve out of the front door. Jack didn’t know how his legs could move after what he’d done, but once he started running alongside his father, they didn’t know how to stop.
They ran several blocks away before David stopped and removed the bloody jacket from his son. He tossed it over a fence and they continued to flee to the bus stop. It seemed as though the bus had been there waiting just for them. They rode in silence back to the city. Jack heard no small whispers from his father, who appeared to be calm and at peace. Jack was unsure what was next for them.
9 years Later
Jack, now twenty one years old, the same age of the young woman that he and his father had murdered in cold blood, stood at the bus stop half a mile down the road from the reformatory. He had in his possession only a plastic garbage bag containing all of the clothing he owned and a cream-colored folder. With the bag at his feet, he opened the folder and gazed over the newspaper clippings and photos for what seemed like the millionth time. He had always thought his father looked great in a suit, but orange suited him better than blue ever had.
This fictional story is based on the actual murder of 21-year-old Maria Fasching in Leonia, New Jersey on January 8th, 1975 by Joseph Kallinger and his son, twelve-year-old Michael Kallinger. The pair gained entry to several homes across Philadelphia, Maryland, and New Jersey by posing as door-to-door salesmen, where they assaulted several families. May she rest in peace.
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tea-and-spoons · 3 years
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What happens when... I develop a new food allergy?
Whether this is your first food allergy, or the most recent in a long list, it can still be a rough adjustment and overwhelming amount of change.  But as someone who has gone through this more than twenty times, I promise you it’s not the end of the world.
The majority of this post is related to severe, anaphylactic food allergies, but I’m of course always going to advocate for being careful, and some of this will apply to milder allergies too.  This advice also works if you were just diagnosed with celiac disease, or another condition that makes you sensitive to cross contamination.  I’m going to let your doctor handle the medical side of this, but I’m hoping this post will cover all the other things you need to know!
I made some pretty thorough lists of things to check, replace, or clean to make sure you’re safe from allergens- I’ll put those at the end of this post.  It is a lot- recruit a non-allergic friend to help if you can!
But before I get into the lists, here are some other things I’ve learned about getting a new food allergy.
-Update your doctors, including your dentist.  And also update any emergency info you have around, like your medical ID in your phone.
-Research other names for your allergen and what it might be found in.  Food labelling can be very sneaky, which is Not Cool, but you get really good at reading ingredient labels once you know what to look for.  I would stay away from googling too many other allergy related things though, it’s an easy way to get into a panic.
-Talk to the people you live with.  Hopefully they’re good about it, but they might take a while to understand, or might even be angry and resistant, which honestly is beyond me.  If this is your situation, I am so so sorry.  You deserve to feel safe in your own home, no matter what.  If you can set some ground rules and get people on board even a little bit, that will help, and hopefully everyone will come around eventually.
-You should also talk to your partner, or anyone you might be kissing (or who might be kissing you, even on the cheek.  Hi grandma.)  Their foods, medications, reusable water bottles, and toothbrush are all possible ways you could get sick.  So even if they haven’t eaten allergens in hours, it could still be on their toothbrush and that can be enough to cause a reaction.  This research article (Maloney JM, et al. Peanut allergen exposure through saliva: assessment and interventions to reduce exposure. J Allergy Clin Immunol 2006; 118: 719-724.) found that waiting at least an hour and having something allergen free to eat was the best way to de-poison-ify for someone you want to kiss.  I’ve also heard from other allergists that 3-4 hours is the right number.  So I would ask your allergist what they recommend for you.
(note:  I would like to keep this blog safe and friendly for spoonies of all ages, but if you are in need of more information about dating and allergies, feel free to message me and I’ll send you some links!)
-One thing that surprised me with some of my food allergies was the cravings.  Sometimes I never want to even hear the word “pineapple” again, but especially if it was something like eggs that are more a hidden ingredient, I struggled with cravings for foods I couldn’t have anymore, like French toast.  And I’m not even someone who likes food that much!  So I’m here to tell you that the cravings are normal, and will subside in a few weeks.  It also helps to just not be around things you can’t eat for a bit.  And to look for replacement recipes for your favorites- there’s so much out there, it’s really impressive.
-The other common (emotional) reaction is anxiety.  Anaphylactic food allergies can be life threatening, of course you’re scared!  It is 100% normal to be worried and afraid and anxious and terrified, especially after an allergic reaction.  That response happens to help keep you safe!  But it’s also exhausting, and can get out of control.  My best advice here is to follow the concrete steps you need to be safe, and then tell yourself that you’ve done everything you can, you know what you’re doing, and even if something goes wrong, you know you are prepared.  You can be prepared and careful AND not have to be scared all the time.  There is zero shame in seeing a therapist about this too, they can really help.  (My advice here is borrowed from my lovely therapist!)
And here are the lists I mentioned earlier!  I hope this helps you feel safer and more prepared.  Severe food allergies are a big change, but you got this!
Things to replace:
-Toothbrush (and maybe toothpaste too)
-Any food that is still safe but might be cross contaminated (like flour, sugar, spices, things that go on toast… basically any open containers)
-Kitchen sponges and rags and anything else that gets used to hand wash dishes
-Chapstick and lipstick
-Stim toys that go in your mouth
-Cast iron kitchen equipment
-Cutting boards
-Reeds (if you play a reed instrument)
-Ice cubes, if you have a tray in your freezer that people reach into
Things to clean:
-Kitchen itself, including all appliances and countertops
-Anywhere else food is kept or eaten (such as pantry, dining room, couch, in your purse, desk, locker)
-All cooking supplies (plates, pans, silverware, crockpot, basically everything)
-Potholders and oven mitts
-Pillowcases
-Dish towels
-Doorknobs
-Handles
-Light switches
-Remotes
-Cloth napkins
-Reusable water bottles
-Kitchen drawers that might have gotten crumbs or residue in them
-Retainer or mouthguard
-Lunchbox
-Toys and fidgets
-Purse/backpack
-Writing utensils
-Car steering wheel, controls, and handles (especially if you’re the driver)
-Inhaler, spacer, nebulizer, CPAP mask, and other related equipment
-Oral thermometer
-Face masks
-Phone, computer keyboards, touch screens
-Hand or wrist braces
-Video game controllers
-Any musical instruments you play, but especially if it’s a wind instrument.  Plus the case, and any cleaning equipment.
-Whatever your toothbrush is stored in
Things to check the labels on:
-All your food (what you have at home, and anything new you buy)
-Toothpaste
-Floss
-Shampoo and other hair products
-Hand soap and dish soap
-Deodorant
-Makeup and chapstick
-Medications
-Lotions
-Sunblock
-Pet food (if their food turns out to contain your new allergen, you might want to clean or replace their toys as well.  And a bath for the pet themselves!)
If I missed anything on my lists, please feel free to add on in the replies!  If you need someone to talk to or have questions, you’re welcome to message me.  And I promise this gets easier 💙
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MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Part 4
(The side characters strike again!)
Part 1 Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Part 3
L!MC= Lucifer’s kid | M!MC= Mammon’s kid | A!MC=Asmo’s kid
Let’s get right to it!
The Uncle That Hardcore Simps For His Spouse In the Most Wholesome Way (Diavolo)
Gasp! More half-demon kids? Oh my! Maybe if he tried again next year a kid of his own would pop down! Hang on- he hadn’t slept with a human in almost a century... dang. No kids for him...
...maybe...
Remember when I said Diavolo would try to do those stereotypical dad (tm) things and be hip with the kids? Yeah he keeps doing that.
The number of broken windows related to wayward baseballs goes up 150%. At least that’s how they all figured out that M!MC is nearsighted like their dad!
M!MC had developed a bit of a habit of telling Diavolo about cool human stuff and making the Crown Prince even more interested in the human world than normal.
You may be thinking “what’s so bad about that?” well, the number of yo-yos at RAD went up so high that Lucifer had to ban them.
Belphie and Satan, being the rebels they are, became yo-yo masters specifically to spite Lucifer.
It was sort of like the fidget spinners craze if you were in school for that.
Oh, hi Lord Diavolo. What’s a fidget spinner? It’s this- I should stop talking...
Since no one learned their lesson from the previous incident, Diavolo threw another BBQ.
“Why are we doing this again?” L!MC asked to no one in particular.
“Don’t worry, L!MC. I’ve taken every precaution possible to make sure that what happened last time doesn’t happen again.” Diavolo said and continued in his crusade to cover the entire pathway with sidewalk chalk doodles.
L!MC, Luke, Diavolo, M!MC, Belphie, and A!MC were all busily drawing a wide variety of doodles and drawings with chalk while the other guests milled around nearby. A!MC was in the middle of drawing quite the nice looking Cerberus chibi, while M!MC and Belphie were drawing a lot of stick figures. L!MC and Luke had just finished a wonderful drawing of... an alpaca? Giraffe? Thing...? Hell, even they didn’t know what it was.
Diavolo looked over at M!MC’s stick figure army with a big smile on his face. “So what are all of them doing? It looks like that one’s flying!”
You could practically hear the Addam’s Family theme play as M!MC and Belphie looked at each other and grinned.
“Oh Belphie was just talking about L!MC’s flying lesson fails and I felt that an artist’s rendition was needed.” M!MC explained, he began to point out certain doodles. “Here’s L!MC getting up off the ground, then there’s them actually flying, and this is them falling in the fountain.”
L!MC looked over at the chalk and glared at M!MC. “It’s generous to call that an artist’s rendition. It looks like crap.”
“And what did you draw?” Belphie smirked at the alpaca-giraffe-thing, Luke protectively covered up the drawing (side note, Luke was wearing white and playing with sidewalk chalk, by the end of the day he looked like a walking pride flag).
“None of your business!” Luke huffed.
“And what about that one?” Diavolo seemed completely oblivious to the hostility brewing between the two groups, A!MC was completely used to this and walked away to grab a drink.
“Ah, good eye, Lord Diavolo!” M!MC chirped. “This is a drawing of the time L!MC almost burned down your kitchen.”
Diavolo laughed and gave M!MC a few pats on the head. “Very accurate!”
“You’re so lucky I followed the rules and didn’t bring a water gun...” L!MC growled as they slowly reached for their backpack.
“Yeah... lucky. Real lucky...” M!MC nodded as they tried to casually reach for their bag, Belphie followed suit.
“I’m so glad we all followed the rules.” Luke smiled, his own hand inching towards his bag.
There was a brief moment of stillness before the four of them whipped out their water guns and pointed them at each other.
“This BBQ ain’t big enough for the both of us!” M!MC’s terrible cowboy impression aside, their gun was poised to shoot directly at Luke and L!MC’s alpaca-giraffe-thing.
“Everyone, I know this is a human world tradition but-”
Belphie silenced Diavolo by pointing his water gun at him. “Sh, don’t talk unless you have a water gun as well.”
Deciding not to smite Belphie for treason, Diavolo pulled his own water gun out of his shirt. “Okay, what now?”
“Now, we’re in a standoff...” L!MC glowered at M!MC, the air was practically crackling with hostility...
Until a burst of flames got everyone to whirl around to see A!MC with hairspray and a lighter.
“No water guns! I refuse to go home shivering and covered in grass again!”
Crisis averted. Everyone went to go fail at throwing beanbags into a hole instead of shooting each other.
That was probably for the best... Belphie filled everyone’s water guns with paint.
The Uncle That Does All the Cooking for Family Dinners (Barbatos)
Remember how I said that Barbs liked smol Lucifer? Yea, he likes smol Asmo too. Smol Asmo is willing to admit that they don’t know how to use an oven and is willing to learn.
M!MC is formally banned from being within 50 feet of the kitchen. It’s for the best.
A!MC often tries to get Barbatos to look into the possible futures so they can see if they can avoid messing anything up and A!MC is just so adorable that Barbatos actually thinks about it.
He still says no every single time.
“Could you at least tell me if I have the possibility of doing something embarrassing in the near future?”
“My apologies, A!MC, but no.”
“P-please?”
“The answer remains the same.”
A!MC sighed and went back to helping chop vegetables. Under Barbatos’ tutelage, A!MC’s cooking ability had increased tenfold, they could now make as many burgers as they wanted without worrying about burning down the kitchen.
Pitying the anxious half-demon, Barbatos sighed. “I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”
A!MC perked up. “H-huh?”
“I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”
Quickly understanding what Barbatos was trying to do, A!MC quickly nodded and spent the rest of the cooking time carefully taking note of their surroundings.
“Hey! What’re you guys doin’?” M!MC had managed to get in... damn! Everyone must have been putting their best efforts in keeping Solomon away from the kitchen and forgot about M!MC...
“We’re just finishing up, M!MC,” Barbatos had on his ‘oh no...’ smile. “We don’t need any help.”
“Really? You guys sure?”
“Why are you so interested?” A!MC asked.
“Lucifer said that idle hands are the devil’s playthings and that I should go look for something productive to do.” M!MC huffed. “Very ironic phrase.”
“F-fine, I guess you can...” A!MC searched for the least destructive task they could give. “Take the utensils and set the table.”
M!MC gave them a mock salute and grabbed the utensils, as they turned to leave, they knocked a large bowl of chopped fruit over, sending the fruit pieces flying.
Remembering Barbatos’ prediction, A!MC didn’t bother to try and stop the fruit from falling, they only grabbed the nearest big plate they could find and shielded their outfit from harm. The fruit splattered harmlessly against the shield.
“Whoops... my bad. You alright, A!MC?” M!MC asked as A!MC inspected their outfit.
“Y-yes actually...” A!MC turned to Barbatos, who was already getting the cleaning supplies.
“Thank you!” A!MC whispered.
Barbatos smiled and nodded. “You’re very welcome, A!MC.”
Barbatos now has two sorta-children. A!MC and Luke!
M!MC means well, I swear! He just shouldn’t be allowed in a cooking environment!
The Cousin That Your Mom Points at and Goes “Look at Him, He Helps With the Dishes, Be More Like Him.” (Simeon)
Oh man... time for some more embarrassing stories.
“Asmo was the most adorable child, it’s a shame he was such a troublemaker...”
“Really? My dad?”
“What about mine?”
“I think you can guess.”
I cannot comment on Simeon’s help with flying lessons because I refuse to Headcanon what Simeon’s wings look like until canon gives us a GLIMMER. LIKE SERIOUSLY SOLMARE IM CURIOUS-
I have a feeling the children were quite curious as well.
“What do you think his wings look like?” M!MC asked A!MC as the two peered around the corner of one of the hallways in Purgatory Hall.
“I bet they’re super nice. But besides that...” A!MC leaned over and squinted. “Why is Simeon writing with a pen and pencil? He’s writing a book... shouldn’t he use a computer?”
“Bold of you to assume he knows how to use a computer.” M!MC snickered.
A!MC frowned. “Don’t be mean... I’m sure he knows how...”
Simeon picked up his DDD and took a picture of his face, seemingly by accident, with the flash on, causing him to drop the phone in surprise.
“Probably...”
The two surveyed their angel friend like two wildlife documenters, here we see, the Simeon, not in his natural habitat, surrounded by confusing technology...
“Do you think if we scare him his wings might pop out in surprise?” M!MC wondered aloud, A!MC shrugged.
“Maybe... but I don’t think we should bother him...” A!MC whispered. “He looks busy.”
“What are you two doing?”
It took literally every bit of willpower for the two half demons to not scream in absolute terror at the sudden interruption.
Ah... it was just Solomon... in an apron... Solomon... in cooking clothes...
Oh no.
“Spying on Simeon?” Solomon asked.
“N-no...” A!MC giggled nervously. “Just crouching casually in this hallway...”
“...smooth, A!MC.” M!MC rolled their eyes.
“Well, it’s great that you two are here, I made lunch!”
A!MC and M!MC looked at each other in pure horror, they needed to get out of there!
“Uh- um... we’d love to but...” M!MC looked around frantically before just pointing at a random spot behind Solomon. “LOOK! A DISTRACTION!”
A!MC and M!MC ran out of there as fast as their legs could carry them. Finding out if Simeon had wings was not worth being poisoned. Not at all...
Good ol’ Simeon... Mr. Cristopher Peugeot on the other hand- M!MC had some questions for him.
“TSL is literally the most popular book series ever, does that mean you’re completely loaded?”
“Oh, no I’m not, I don’t have any use for human world money in the Celestial Realm. All the profits go to charity.”
“...Dude really?”
“That’s nice of you, Simeon!”
“You didn’t keep any of it..?”
Wait... Who the Hell Are You..? (Solomon)
So A!MC basically has three dads; Fabulous-dad, butler-dad, and wizard-dad!
“So you just... have capes lying around?”
“Yes, would you like a cape?”
“Okay if they don’t take the cape I want it.”
Solomon shows up to RAD with his nails painted different wacky styles every week, courtesy of A!MC.
Though- the unholy combination that is M!MC and Solomon is feared by all.
“Road work ahead?”
“Uh, yeah I sure hope it does.”
Solomon and M!MC’s rampant quoting of vines elicited another glare from Lucifer.
Despite Solomon having literally been alive since the seven rulers of hell were angels, he had kept up with pop culture fairly decently. Decently enough that M!MC had someone that wasn’t Levi to bounce memes off.
“Pff...” M!MC suppressed a laugh at a seemingly normal water bottle advertisement. “Enslaved moisture.”
“I’m not going crazy, right Simeon? You’re hearing this too?” Lucifer tiredly turned to the angel, who shook his head.
“This is just the tip of the iceberg. Solomon quacked at M!MC earlier and they lost their minds laughing about it.” Simeon shrugged, unbothered by the sorcerer and the half demon’s rampant meme-ing behind them.
Lucifer on the other hand, was quite bothered. Incredibly bothered, if you will. “If you two don’t shut up right now I’m going to-”
“Quick! We must abscond!” Solomon turned and heelied away, followed by M!MC. The shoes that Mammon bought to replace the ones lost during the casino incident were apparently heelies as well...
The day was saved when a rock jammed one of Solomon’s wheels and he slammed face first into the concrete. Yikes... that had to hurt.
A!MC had fun glow in the dark bandaids for Solomon to patch up his face. Even though he he could heal himself with magic, he let A!MC do what they wanted because they were just too adorable to say no to.
Asmo has pictures
The Cousin Squad (tm)
(Luke, L!MC, A!MC, and M!MC)
Ah yes, the bab squad. The most adorable group in the Devildom. Surrender your candy immediately or face destruction.
M!MC teases the crap out of Luke, and A!MC tries to stop it, but L!MC is the one who manages to actually make M!MC stop.
Only L!MC gets to pick on the smol angel. GOT IT?!
A!MC and Luke are already baking buddies because of butler-dad so they get along swimmingly.
Poor Luke’s the victim of many of M!MC’s shenanigans.
Luke: Are you sure this is safe, M!MC?
M!MC (about to put mentos into the bottle of coke Luke is holding): No.
L!MC and A!MC get along really well, being honest, everyone loves A!MC.
A!MC makes sure L!MC gets some sleep because they don’t want their cousin picking up on Lucifer’s habit of living off of coffee and coffee alone. L!MC doesn’t get it but they’re very grateful anyway.
M!MC and A!MC were friends from the start. Well... M!MC decided they were friends right from the start and A!MC did not have the ability to fight the power of friendship.
M!MC: You are being befriended. Please do not resist.
Since M!MC is great and amazing like their pop, they took it upon themselves to be the friend that speaks up when A!MC is too nervous to do so.
M!MC and L!MC? Lucifer and Mammon 2 electric boogaloo. Sorta.
L!MC and M!MC bicker all the time but the babs bounce back from their fights way easier.
One minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next they’re showing each other memes.
“There’s no escaping this.”
Lucifer stood between M!MC and the door... their one way ticket to freedom...
“You need to go to the dentist.”
The entire HOL plus the Purgatory Hall crew were getting ready to go visit the dentist to get their teeth cleaned. It was the time of the year that Mammon dreaded most... and his child felt the same way.
“My teeth are fine! Lemme stay home! I’ll hold down the fort with dad!” M!MC smiled and nodded as enthusiastically as they could, but even the most unobservant person couldn’t miss the sweat beading on their forehead.
“Beel.” Lucifer snapped his fingers and before M!MC could do anything Beel had thrown them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
“Don’t worry M!MC, the dentist isn’t that scary.” Beel tried to assure them. By the way M!MC was still kicking and screaming, they were not convinced.
“Y-yeah kiddo, suck it up! Don’t be a baby! I’m just gonna take my car there-”
“MAAAAAAMOOOON?!”
“YIKES!”
Lucifer had the important task of keeping a hold of Mammon as the very large group made their way to the dentist’s office.
A devious little idea popped into L!MC’s head as they all sat down in the waiting room. They began to hum a familiar little tune.
“She said be a deeeentiiiist~ a dentist!” L!MC sang to M!MC, who’s attempts to escape increased tenfold after hearing the song.
A!MC began to hum along, not seeming to notice the commotion going on next to them.
“Son be a deeentiiiiiist~ people will pay you for causing them PAIN! She said be a deeentiiiiiist~”
Belphie perked up and smiled deviously as he realized what L!MC was doing, he began to sing along as well. The three were a veritable choir of terror to poor M!MC. Mammon did not understand his child’s terror and was more unnerved by what a great team Belphie and L!MC made.
Satan rolled his eyes and tried to focus on his book, Asmo was absorbed in his magazine, Levi was having a very in depth conversation with the fish in the aquarium, Simeon and Solomon chatted about school, and Luke was stuck watching the train wreck go down.
Thankfully, it was halted by Lucifer. “L!MC, A!MC, Belphegor, stop tormenting M!MC with show tunes.”
“You would have made a good dentist in another life, Lucifer,” Belphie cooed. “You know what they say, the only difference between a dentist and a sadist is that one has newer magazines.”
Asmo grimaced at his magazine. “Is it the sadist? Because I’m reading a magazine from 1843...”
The conversation was interrupted by one of the dental hygienists coming into the waiting room and saying that Mammon was up first. The Avatar of Greed’s final escape attempt was foiled by Satan (not even looking up from his book) clotheslining him.
Thirty minutes later, Mammon emerged from the forbidden dentist room, with the look of trauma in his eyes and eating a lollipop.
One by one, the group went in, A!MC took it upon themselves to try and make the rapidly panicking Luke feel better.
“It won’t be too scary, in the human world dentists are usually very nice.” A!MC smiled encouragingly.
“I-I’m sure that’s true but...” Luke looked around. “We aren’t in the human world...”
Asmo skipped back in and flashed a blinding grin to the group. “Absolutely perfect, no flaws! It’s your turn, A!MC!”
“If you die I get to say I told ya so!” M!MC shouted as A!MC walked into the dentist’s room.
They did not in fact, die because of the dentist. A!MC walked out and gave a thumbs up. “The dentist said they had never seen a kid with such perfect teeth.”
“That’s my baby!” Asmo chirped.
“M!MC, you’re up.” A!MC and Beel had to practically drag the poor kid out of the room and into the dentist area of doom.
“GO BE A DEEEEEENTIIIIIIST!” Belphie and L!MC shouted one last time as the doors shut. Wow, what dickheads...
Mammon probably would have tried to save his poor little bugger, but he was in the middle an impromptu therapy session with Simeon over the scary scraping dentist knife thingie.
Beel was the last to go, and he walked out of the dentist’s room with his face covered in blood, the dentist walked out after him, missing a hand.
“You tasted like toothpaste.” Beel sighed. “Not good.”
“Don’t worry,” The dentist said to Luke, who looked like he was about to pass out. “My hand will grow back in about four to five minutes.”
Luke, still terrified, nodded. L!MC patted him on the shoulder.
“Anyway, almost all of you are fine, but I have to recommend M!MC to the orthodontist.” The dentist flipped through their notepad one-handed. “Their secondary set of fangs are coming out crooked and need to be corrected with braces immediately.”
M!MC sat calmly for a moment, then attempted to sprint out the door. “NO NO NO NO NO!” One of the dental hygienists grabbed them by the back of their shirt and halted their escape.
“Sucks to be you.” L!MC smirked.
“And L!MC needs to fix their cross bite, braces are a strong possibility.”
The colour drained from L!MC’s face as the news dawned upon them. “Pardon, but what exactly are you talking about..?”
“Your top jaw and bottom jaw aren’t properly lined up.” The dentist explained. “It will lead to problems later if it’s not fixed now.”
Lucifer rubbed his temples and sighed. “L!MC, if you try and run away I swear...”
L!MC stiffened and shook their head. “I’m not some coward, I’m not running away. Just... what exactly are you going to do to my mouth?”
The dentist pulled up a few pictures of the braces and explained what would be done. L!MC nodded, and turned to their father with a big smile on their face.
“It won’t be so bad, mind if I go to the bathroom before I get the mold for my teeth made?”
Lucifer nodded and almost audibly sighed in relief. He basked in the glory of having a child that wasn’t afraid of the dentist and faced their fears like an adult-
L!MC sprinted past the dentist’s office, they had busted out of the bathroom window.
“...Beel.”
“Yep.”
A few minutes later, Beel returned with a completely irate L!MC who was screaming their demands to be put down and be allowed to run for the hills. Taking advantage of the distraction, M!MC ran for the door again, only for Belphie to tap them on the forehead.
M!MC collapsed into a snoring heap on the floor.
“FATHER! DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS!” L!MC practically screamed as they tried to wrestle themselves out of Beel’s bear hug.
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “L!MC, calm yourself down. It’s just braces.”
“AS EVERYONE HERE AS MY WITNESSES I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!”
The half-demons in need of braces were dragged right back into the dentist’s area... poor fools.
“They’ll be okay... right?” Luke asked.
“Of course they will be. It’s just braces.” Simeon patted Luke on the head. “They’ll both be fine.”
The scream that came from down the hall right after Simeon said that did not reassure anyone.
“Hey,” Mammon piped up. “How much do braces cost?”
“From what I know about dental procedures,” Satan rubbed his chin. “A few thousand Grimm.”
“Mammon if you try and run for that door I will cut your credit card into a thousand pieces.” Lucifer growled.
Overall, it was a fairly average trip to the dentist. 0/10 would not recommend. A few weeks later L!MC and M!MC were fitted with their mouth prisons- I mean braces, and the two cousins bonded over their horrific mouth pain...
Seriously- braces suck.
——————————————
So! Those are the headcanons! Four and a half whole parts... phew... To all the people who enjoyed this series, thank you so so much for reading! You guys have been so super nice!
Fret not, I plan on writing more for this universe! From what I know about season 2 of Obey Me things will get... interesting. Stay tuned for more! Or don’t, I can’t force you.
...or can I?
248 notes · View notes
ramzawrites · 3 years
Text
Wherever the world takes us Part 1 - A SBI!Reader insert
GN
Pairings: none Characters included: Philza, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Cpt Puffy, Schlatt, Captain Sparklez, (mentioned) Fundy Warnings: small mention of death Series: Yes, planned slow updates but this happens in a slight AU world of the official lore of the dsmp and follows along the plot only this time the reader gets included as the middle hybrid child of the SBI Part 2
Summary: A small introduction to the SBI family dynamic including the reader! Today is Techno’s big day at the local festival! He get’s to participate in a fighting tournament but until that happens there is still a ton of time to somehow still get into trouble, isn’t there?
Word count: 4380
Shapeshifters aren’t as rare as many people think. In fact many carry that gene but not everyone ends up showing the properties of one. If you have the active gene you may show first changes during your early childhood which then stretches out until your late teens where the changes will stop resulting in the persons usual animal like form. These changes can range from a whole body covered in fur to having goat like eyes or just horns on their head.
As far as scientists know there isn’t a real reason as to what the final form will be since Shapeshifters who are directly related to one another can have complete and drastically different forms to each other. Though an old myth has been going around for as long as people know that the form a Shapeshifter takes is a result of their subconscious, something that mirrors their true self. Sadly due to this belief many Non-Shifters hold stereotypes and prejudice towards them.
Philza was a Shapeshifter himself. As a kid two stubs slowly appeared at his back and settled in over the years as beautiful huge black wings that he could use for takeoff and a bit for flying but mostly functioned better for gliding around. He used these wings to later travel around the world, learning everything about it and training himself.
At some point he did settle down again and ended up fathering four children alone of whom two showed Shapeshifter properties as well.
There were the twins Technoblade and Wilbur. Technoblade showed from an early age on a deeper interest in fighting. Always asking to learn more than the self-defense techniques their father was teaching them, so Philza took the time to teach him everything he knew. Gifting him later on a proper iron sword which Techno then used to train almost daily with. Philza later had to put mending on that sword since it was chipped and scratched in a short time over heavy use. He is also one of the two children of Philza who ended up being a Shapeshifter. They first noticed when two of his teeth in his lower jaw tended to peek out of his mouth. Over the years these two teeth turned into full blown tusks, flappy pink ears would appear on his head, his hair slowly turned into a soft pink, as well as bristle like fur begun growing on his arms. It were the characteristics of a pig as they soon realized.
Wilbur the younger of the twins by two minutes was more interested in music and books. Philza gifted him a guitar the same time he gave Techno his first sword. From that point on it was a rare thing if you didn’t see Wilbur’s guitar around him. Either on his person or laying close by him. Over time he got really proficient with the instrument and begun writing amazing songs as well as singing them himself.
The middle child Y/N was the more mellow of the whole bunch though this didn’t mean much in the context of the whole family. While they happily took part in whatever trouble their siblings got up to they were at the end the first person that would try to help solve these troubles as well and took care of any wounds. To that end they soon learned how to grow their own herbs to make medicine. This was something Philza taught them. Both would spent a ton of time in the garden, so much so, that the garden was dubbed Y/N’s and Dad’s garden. Techno would sometimes help out as well but that was a more rare occurrence. Y/N was the second kid with the active Shapeshifter gene. Just like their father, two stubs appeared at their back that too would turn into huge black wings. Y/N still remembered how perplexed but proud Philza was when he understood what was happening. They didn’t know what they expected from their father but this reaction wasn’t it. But they weren’t mad about it.
The youngest of the family was Tommy and he was the number one reason why the kids got into trouble in the first place. He would wake up, make weird plans and rope the others into it as well. Wilbur was the first he would usually try to recruit to which Techno then would reluctantly join knowing that if the two are together they will need help later on. Getting Y/N on board was pretty easy as well. It was either a thing of them knowing they will one hundred percent get hurt so best to join in now or they were feeling particularly chaotic that day and wouldn’t even hesitate to join.
Back when they all lived together in their old cottage home their daily lives would always start in the same way.
Philza would be the first awake. He would wake the children up and continue downstairs to work on breakfast for everyone.
There was no real order to who would be the first downstairs for food but it was always Y/N who would be the last to join the group. Moving in front of their designated chair only to stretch before properly sitting down.
“Ew! Gross! Your wing touched my food!” Wilbur exclaimed angrily, pulling the plate with his food closer to himself and farther away from his sibling.
Y/N rolled their eyes “I’m not poisonous, Wilbur.”
“Still gross.” He muttered more to himself as he reluctantly took a bite from his toast.
Phil eyed the two but looked back down to his food and coffee “Your wings are getting pretty big. I’m sure it won’t take long until you can do more than just gliding about.”
“So, that means you can teach them to fly soon?” Tommy was the one to ask surprisingly. Sure, that was on Y/N’s mind as well so they didn’t mind Tommy saying what they thought but they still felt like it was a bad sign and a call for trouble though they couldn’t think how nor did they care enough to find out.
Philza raised one of his eyebrows, obviously taking note of that fact as well. It was something you learned to look out for once you spend enough time with Tommy. “I’m not sure how soon but I think so, yeah.”
“Cool.” Was all Tommy remarked. He then proceeded to stare at his food so his family would get their suspicion off of him. Acting as if he didn’t just figuratively plant a huge red flag on the table with the words “I have a plan!”.
Y/N on the other hand couldn’t help to smile. They were excited for the eventual day when Philza could finally teach them how to fly. For the longest time now they have only learned to use their wings to glide and got really good at changing directions while doing so. Taking care of their wings was already a pain so they wanted to get at least something good out of having them in the first place and being able to properly fly is a huge plus since getting into positions where you could actually  glide around was a difficult and a bothersome thing.
Philza sighed choosing to ignore Tommy and instead turned to look at Wilbur and Y/N “What is your plan today? Want to join me and Techno when we go into town for the tournament?”
After a few seconds of confused expressions between the two Wilbur suddenly shouted “Oh! Techno’s tournament! Of course! I wanna see him beat up other people for a change!”
Techno snorted “Really feeling the support here right now, bro.”
“I’m guessing you both are coming too?” Philza was now addressing the other two of his kids.
Both were fast and eager to agree. Wilbur was right. Usually Techno tried sparring with his siblings though using the word sparring was maybe an overstatement. He would mercilessly beat them up and complain they didn’t last long enough. At rare times where all of them were bored enough they would play a game of >Who can last the longest against Techno<. Y/N really wasn’t too big a fan of this game since they ended up being the only one who would address the wounds later including their own since they didn’t trust the others to properly apply a band aid.
From this point on the breakfast was more alive than before. Tommy and Wilbur would constantly ask questions to Techno about who he will be fighting or how everything will work. To which he all just gave a very non-committal “I dunno”.
After they all cleaned up the breakfast table, they got ready and grabbed everything they needed.
The town wasn’t super far away but it was a long enough walk that it would be inconvenient to get back for things you might have forgotten.
Techno grabbed his sword while Wilbur made sure to take his beloved guitar with him. Y/N made sure to grab all kinds of medicine and bandages with them. They knew Techno will get treated at the tournament should he get hurt but they felt better if they brought some stuff with them as well. Tommy on the other hand made sure to grab all kinds of things including a few pages of paper, pens, string and more. Philza wanted to just write it down to Tommy probably meeting up with Tubbo in town and doing harmless crafts but the chances were slim.
As they made their way to the tournament and Philza was preaching to them to not cause any trouble since there would be a lot of people there today, Y/N soon noticed how Techno would nervously play around with the hilt of his worn out sword.
They affectionately put their arm around their older brother for a short side hug, including putting their wing around him “You’ll do fine. I know it. Don’t worry too much and just imagine you are beating one of us up.”
Technoblade had to roll his eyes at that “I’ll try to take that advice to heart.”
As they arrived in town the kids looked around in awe. Everywhere were stalls set up selling food or little decorative things or toys. People where weaving in and out between stalls, loudly talking with each other. Laughter and yells filled the air.
In the middle of the town square there was a huge box marked on the ground. This is where the fights would happen. As far as Techno explained the rules were simple. Get your opponent on their back, get them out of the box or beat them unconscious. Tommy was absolutely loving the idea of Techno beating all of his opponents unconscious and said he wouldn’t take any other result as acceptable.
“Alright kiddos. Techno and I have to talk with the organizer. You three can go and have some fun but you have to promise me a few things. Whatever you guys do stay together! Don’t talk to strangers and as soon as the fights start you come over. I will find you then, okay? I will only let you guys go if you agree to this.”
“I can still try to find Tubbo, right?” Tommy asked.
“Of course but only if you all stay together.” He was looking at Wilbur when he said the last part. This meant Wilbur was the boss for today. Well until they met up again with their dad.
Wilbur put his hands on each shoulder of his younger siblings “We will! Don’t worry dad!”
Philza gave them a last nod before walking off. Before Techno followed him he looked at the three “Don’t… cause too much trouble. At least for me so nothing happens to the tournament.” With that Technoblade turned around and followed Philza closely.
“Well, what should we start with?” Y/N asked their brothers.
Tommy threw his arms in the air “Tubbo!”
Wilbur laughed “Alright. We’ll try to find your Tubbo. I’m sure he and his siblings should be around here as well.”
Tubbo was Tommy’s best friend and honestly he hangs around their home so much they almost consider him a family member as well. He had an older sister Puffy and an older brother Schlatt though. They were a curious case. All three of them carried the active Shapeshifter gene and all three begun growing horns, their ears turned into that of goats and they all had the horizontal iris’.
Y/N liked to spend time with Puffy. Just like Y/N Puffy too acted more like a caretaker to her siblings which the two soon bonded over while Schlatt and Wilbur soon hit it off as well. It was actually quite amusing to see them interacting since Wilbur was known for loving art and freedom. Schlatt on the other hand tried to see how he can scam the most people in the most effective manner in the shortest amount of time. Trying to turn in a profit at every turn. You wouldn’t immediately think they would end up being such good friends.
The three were raised by their father as well who everyone just referred to as Captain Sparklez though his real name was Jordan. He coincidentally also helped with setting up this little festival for the town.
Tommy suddenly took a deep breath in as he cupped his hands around his mouth “Tubbo!”
Wilbur furrowed his brows “Tommy, there are a ton of people around here! There is no way he heard you.”
“Tommy! Over here!” a different voice called out, away from all the stalls and people.
Wilbur and Y/N looked surprised while Tommy almost proudly smirked at them. The bond Tommy and Tubbo had was something else.
Together the three ran through the crowd to finally meet up with Tubbo and apparently his siblings. As a greeting Tubbo softly headbutted Tommy while Puffy did the same to Y/N. Schlatt never did this with Wilbur. Said he might have goat like characteristics but he is still more human than goat hence why he didn’t do this whole headbutting thing. It has been a whole ordeal with Wilbur once where he demanded to get a headbutt from Schlatt as well for a greeting. After enough prodding and being a general nuisance Schlatt decided to straight up headbutt him as hard as possible almost knocking him out and gave him a good bruise on his forehead. Wilbur never asked for another headbutt greeting since then.
Y/N gave Puffy an additional hug, making sure to wrap their wings around her as well “I’m glad to see you Puffy!”
“So am I! I heard Techno is taking part in the tournament, isn’t he?”
Schlatt was for some reason cackling at that “Oh I bet he will win, won’t he? This would be the best time for some betting!”
Tommy, Y/N and Wilbur all nodded saying things like “Of course he will win. My brother is the best”
Soon the group begun to fall into their usual banter. Tommy and Tubbo were doing something next to them, only sometimes getting back into the conversation. Schlatt and Wilbur on the other hand were talking about how they could start bets and maybe earn some money because surely Techno will win. Y/N and Puffy listened in only to interject at times to root them back down. Both made sure they wouldn’t end up doing anything too stupid, though they too were in on it and ready to help out.
In the end the whole group was sitting on the ground and writing their plan down on the paper Tommy brought with him as suddenly a loud voice boomed over the crowd announcing that the fighting tournament will soon begin.
Tubbo looked absolutely horrified “No! I didn’t have a chance to check out the candy yet!”
Schaltt sighed and gave Tubbo a reassuring pat on his back “Don’t worry kiddo they will still be here after the tournament.”
With that the group begun walking to the marked place for the fighting. All the while Schlatt was grumbling that this was way too early and he couldn’t act on his betting plans.
“There are a lot of people.” Y/N noted as they came closer to their goal.
Indeed there were a surprising amount of people standing around the place. If it was difficult to get through the crowd before, now it seemed almost impossible. It was almost comical how the crowd seemingly turned into a wall of steel as the announcer begun his speech in order to greet all the people watching.
“Ugh, I can barely see anything.” Wilbur whined as he moved on his toes. Wilbur was the tallest of the group so when he had problems seeing anything Y/N instinctively already gave up. Maybe one day it would be the other way around seeing as they all were still growing but for now this was the reality of the situation.
Tommy was frantically jumping into the air trying to see anything that happened. He didn’t say it but he wanted to make sure to not miss out on any second of Techno’s fights. He was his older brother after all.
“Hey, Schlatt?” Tubbo almost whispered as he tugged at his older brother’s shirt.
Schlatt barely made any proper attempt to look over the crowd probably still busy thinking about his lost business opportunity. He tilted his head down to look at Tubbo “Hm?”
Suddenly Tubbo’s unsure expression turned into a serious one. While Wilbur, Tommy and Y/N were confused about this, Puffy begun to snicker.
“Aw, come on!” Schlatt drawled out but as soon as Tubbo got his pouting face out it was over for him.
He rolled his eyes and knelt down. With the help of Puffy, Tubbo was soon sitting on Schlatt’s shoulders, overlooking the crowd.
For some reason Tommy looked absolutely betrayed “This is unfair!”
“And why is that?” was all that Tubbo asked smugly. He was grabbing onto Schlatt’s horns which lead to him involuntarily yanking around his head whenever Tubbo himself moved around. Annoyed Schlatt gave his younger brother a playful slap on his arm as a sign to knock it off.
Tommy crossed his arms “Hey, Wilby! Wait no, I’m not a child anymore.”
Before Wilbur could even do his obligatory cooing whenever Tommy used his nickname or before Y/N could remind him that he was indeed still a child and younger than Tubbo he turned towards them instead.
“Y/N! You carry me and fly up that is way cooler than sitting on someone’s shoulders like some two year old.”
This took Y/N quite by surprise “What?”
“Dad said you are ready to fly and you spent like most of your free time already gliding or flying about so like basically the same thing right?”
“No! This is completely different! Besides I’m pretty sure my wings right now are barely able to carry my own weight! To that I have no idea how to take off from ground!”
Tommy’s bottom lip begun to quiver. Both Wilbur and Y/N knew it was fake but it was still a weakness for the two.
Y/N tried grabbing Wilbur’s sleeve for support but he was already looking at them with sad eyes himself “I mean Tommy just wants to see his big brother win, which is understandable right? At least worth a try?”
It was Y/N’s time to look betrayed but their expression soon got exchange by that one of defeat “One… One try. If that doesn’t work out I will give up.”
So the group walked back away from the crowd to have more space, Tubbo still happily sitting on Schlatt’s shoulders. He looked annoyed but Puffy knew that he was just as happy as she was that Tubbo had obviously a good time.
Y/N would spent a few minutes just trying to take off the ground on their own saying that they would first need to be a bit in the air before being able to grab Tommy. Wilbur was just watching with an amused smile on his face. Oh he was almost certain how this will end in disaster but he was just too curious to see how exactly.
After multiple running starts Y/N managed to get a few feet off into the air, flying directly towards Tommy so they could pick him up. They more or less bodychecked into their younger brother but still managed to pick him up and for a short moment it looked like the two were indeed a few feet above the height of the crowd.
Tommy was screaming partially out of fear but partially out of excitement. Y/N was so concentrated on flying and holding onto Tommy they didn’t even try to look out for Techno on the ground. They stayed semi stable in the air for good two seconds before both suddenly noticed they were losing altitude rapidly.
Now both were screaming as Y/N desperately tried to glide towards the hay bails that the town put up as decoration but with the added weight of Tommy they still plummeted towards the ground pretty fast.
The next thing Y/N remembers was that they were surrounded by hay and that their whole body was feeling heavy and sore. Tommy was groaning as he tried his best to get out of the hay and off their sibling while Y/N first made sure to calmly fold their wings back against their back as they slowly got out of the hay as well.
Suddenly two strong hands grabbed the still disoriented Y/N and helped them properly back to their feet only to be met by an angry looking Philza.
“What on Ender were you thinking?”
“Oh hey dad!” Y/N croaked out as they avoided any eye contact with him. Instead they were busy plucking hay out of their wings. Due to the fall there was a lot of hay trapped between feathers, there were also a few bent feathers that felt uncomfortable at best.
Tommy was sheepishly standing next to them also avoiding eye contact.
“I told you to get to the tournament and wait for me! I told you guys I would make sure to find you so why did you do whatever the hell you just did?” Philza rambled off.
“Yeah guys why did you two do that?” Wilbur was now approaching his family as well, including their other three friends who followed suit.
Y/N let go of their wing as they turned towards their older brother with an angry frown “You encouraged us! Don’t act like you are the only innocent person here! Aren’t you as our big brother supposed to stop us or something when we are stupid?”
Philza sighed “Okay, we deal with this later but at least tell me why?”
“We wanted to see Techno but we couldn’t get past the crowd!” Tommy answered.
“My fights will only start in like half an hour dude. Didn’t you guys listen to the announcements?”
To their surprise Technoblade appeared from behind Philza. He looked bored but still had a somewhat smug smile on his face. Who wouldn’t feel a tiny big smug when your younger siblings gets into trouble with dad for something that was absolutely their fault and you were luckily this time no part of it.
“You three are in trouble! We will go back so Techno won’t be too late for when it’s his turn but once we are back home it’s three weeks of chores for all of you.”
This earned him a murmur of “Okay, dad.” And “But we didn’t do anything bad!”
After that the day ended up pretty normally. They had their trouble for the day so they continued on with following Philza back to the tournament place. He made sure that all the kids had the best places in front so they could watch as Techno absolutely destroyed the other kids.
Jordan joined them as well. Philza didn’t spend any time waiting on telling him how Y/N and Tommy crashed into one of his decorations. He wasn’t angry but did chew out his own kids a little bit for not even attempting to stop them.
For some reason this was the day Y/N always fondly thought back on. They got into their typical trouble that day but also spend a ton of time with their family and friends back in their hometown. Enjoying seeing Techno beat others up and of course winning the tournament to which then Phil and Jordan bought the kids a ton of candy from the stalls.
Yes, they loved their family so dearly and would do anything for them.
So when a letter arrived from Wilbur that informed them that a few days ago a friend betrayed him which led to him losing his first life of three as well for Tommy, Tubbo and their nephew Fundy it felt like their heart got ripped out of their chest.
Y/N was still living at their old childhood home with Philza but both were only rarely at home. The two traveled around the world independently from each other using the old cottage as a place to rest in between. Wilbur probably addressed the letter knowing that this was the most reliable way to contact his family.
Reaching Technoblade who was training out of country was almost impossible at this point in time.
Y/N got out a piece of paper and wrote a letter for their father.
“Dad, I’m going to visit Wil and Tommy. Love, Y/N”
This was all that needed to be said.
They put the letter including the letter from Wilbur visibly on the table so Philza would see it as soon as he got back home. They did this sometimes in order to talk to Philza as well as the other way around so both were always looking out for messages on the table once they got back home.
Y/N grabbed their old netherite sword they got way back from Techno as a gift and begun thinking about what to take with them for the flight towards L’Manberg. If they fly it would only take a few days to reach the place but they also couldn’t carry a lot of things with them.
“Hell of a reason to visit your family after a long time, huh.”
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cryinginthebackseat · 3 years
Text
you’ve got more poison than sugar - part i
AO3    part ii
Fandom: Call Of Duty 
Pairing: Russell Adler x Bell
Words: 4.009
Summary: Russell Adler should have known better that it wouldn’t take an entire nation or continent to bring him to his knees.
Warnings: just swearings, sexual tension, blood, mentions of past abuse and brainwashing. adler being that manipulative asswipe like usual. 
Author’s note: i don't know what i'm doing. one moment, i was watching the walkthrough of the new call of duty game, found myself curious, acutely curious by that guy with the scars and shades on- a younger, shadier (no pun intended) Robert Redford in Spy Game and oh my... fast forward to 2 weeks later, here we are.
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A house somewhere on foreign soil,
Where ageless lovers call,
Is this your goal, your final needs,
Where dogs and vultures eat,
Committed still I turn to go.
I put my trust in you.
A Means To An End - Joy Division (1980)
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It's mystifying how little she talks. Or when she does, it's always in fragments. Like a crossword puzzle in your local newspaper, but several letters are missing. He initially thought maybe MK-Ultra fucked her head or worse, if it hasn't worked at all, but the more he watches her, the more he realizes it's just the way she is. And it's ironic because he named her Bell. He expected her to chime like a goddamn goldfinch yet here they are. 
But he won't be fazed. Russell Adler is a man who's stopped at nothing in getting what he wanted before, he sure as hell won't stop now for a close-mouthed science project.
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“We've got a job to do, Bell."
It intrigues him, every time, the way the words trigger something deep within her psyche, the way her eyes change, her body stands a little straighter, like a machine ready to function at his disposal. It reminds Adler of one of those cartoons he watched when he was a kid about wizards and magic words, except there are no musical dance numbers playing in the background or a talking cricket perching on his shoulder. This is his power over her, over the USSR, over Perseus. That monstrous filth. It really does take a beast to tame another. 
Although he surmises calling Bell one would be superfluous. 
She barely looks like one, but Adler knows too well than to underestimate her. Just because Bell hasn’t shown her set of claws, that doesn’t mean she’s harmless, delicate, like a miniature China Doll in his breast pocket.
Bell never offered him her reply before, but now, now, she nods, head almost bows, obedient pretty thing, and says:
“Yes, Adler.”
So it goes.
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It takes West Berlin for Adler to realize she’s left-handed. 
She wears her watch on her right hand, smokes with that same said hand only when she’s writing or moving her pieces for an impromptu late-night game of chess against Lazar. And she always wears her gloves all the time- leather, black, lined with silk and pretty, small buttons on the cuffs, covering those striking red nails underneath. Whether it is for the theatrics or an old habit of hers, he can't really tell.
He doesn’t know why he begins to take notice of these mundane details about Bell, but rationalizes because he’s never been in the same room with this version of her, post-brainwash Bell, for more than 10 minutes. And for all intents and purposes, there’s still a lot of question marks surrounding her character; who is she? Where did she come from? What is her connection to Perseus? 
Are they in a possession of a walking, breathing bomb about to destroy them all or the West’s only salvation?
He supposes he’ll find out soon enough.
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Adler hears Bell from his table, typing busy on the computer- barely blinking- all soaked up in that caffeine-infused energy at 1 am. She's always like that, he learns, when it comes to working, always with that steel determination, pulling out all the stops as long as it gets the job done- that Soviet discipline at it's finest.
Reminds him a little of himself when he's young.
Adler walks up to her. 
“You done for the night?” A shake of her head is her only response. He sighs. “You should go home, Bell.” 
“You go. I’ll lock up behind you,” Bell replies, low and monotone; that youthful stubborn.
If she was any other person, he would probably commend her for such fierce willpower, but she is Bell, the walking conundrum, his ace in the hole. Call him paranoid, but the idea of her having the safehouse for herself does nothing but raises every alarm in his head.
“No, we’re going home,” he says instead, tone brooking no argument and she frowns at the screen, her fingers stop moving then looks up at him with those goddamn empty eyes. "Come on, it's late anyway."
She doesn't say anything. Adler wishes he could read her mind- or crack that lovely skull on the back of her head, dissect her brain, learn its secrets and answers. 
Adler has his gun with him. It wouldn’t take long. A quick, true shot to the heart to keep the brain intact. He’d have Hudson contact one of his people inside BND and he'd deliver the brain himself if he has to. They could do it. He heard they’ve been studying inmates' brains for decades now, anyway. 
Before he has a chance to entertain the idea further, though, Bell nods once and rises up from her seat. 
Bell walks past him. Her scent, like honeysuckle on ice, hits him like an uppercut in the face. Adler inhales, as if against his will. 
He thinks he could get drunk on it.
“Hop in. I’ll drive you back to the hotel,” he says once they’re outside, regretting the decision the moment the words left his lips, but he knows he can’t just leave her on her own at this late hour.
The irony isn’t lost on him, though, considering he just thought about unspooling her brain a few minutes ago.
Bell complies without a protest. Getting inside the passenger seat, wordless still, fingers toying with the radio. An angry, krautrock music comes blaring all over his car. Adler winces, but at least the riot is loud enough to muffle the one's brewing in his head. 
"How's your memory these days?" 
Bell shrugs. "Nihil novi sub sole." There's nothing new under the sun.
Good, he muses. The least she knows about herself the better.
Though that doesn't mean he's out of the woods yet.
"Listen, from now on, I want you to keep me informed if there's any new progress about your memory or if you've developed any new symptoms. I want to know everything." He steals a sidelong glance at her, making sure she is listening (she always does, but Adler needs an excuse)
(An excuse for what?)
"Alright, Bell?"
"Of course," replies the woman in question.
"Good." Adler shifts his attention back to the road. "Good." Taking a long drag, he considers trying to appeal to her sentimental side. It's not something you'd improvise last minute- at least not with someone you brainwashed to believe you are her mentor/confidant for the past decade, but he's itching to know where he stands with her.
"You know, I'm just tryin' to look out for you, kid."
Her lips twitch but the rest of her visage remains impassive and faraway, more like a flick knife than a woman. The correlation is uncanny.
That's when she inches closer. The space between them bridged. He freezes. Hyper-aware of just how dangerous this is, but can’t bring himself to pull back, to look the other way. Not when her hand reaches out to pluck the cigarette from his mouth, eyes still glued to his, and curls her lips around the filter. One heavy pull, and then she rolls down the window and tosses it out on the side of the road.
"Thought I'd reciprocate the sentiment."
And with that, she leans back in her seat before Adler could even process what has just transpired.
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“Welcome back to the land of the living, kid,” Adler greeted her, about a month ago. 
Park had insisted that he had to be there for her when she woke up (naturally, Adler had balked at the idea, but at the English woman’s fact-of-the-matter explanation, also because it had somewhat dawned on him last minute the logic behind her machinations- “both of you are supposed to have known each other for years now. If she doesn't see you by her side, she’s going to wonder why”- thus, here he was)
“How are you feeling?” 
Bell blinked owlishly and stared at the older man with those bottomless, cat-like eyes that had haunted him since January.
Her gaze eventually softened as recognition flickered across her face.
“Like someone just hit me in the chest with a bulldozer,” she said hoarsely. “Where are we?”
“St. Dismas’ hospital, Pittsburgh.” Adler got up and fetched her a glass of water from the table. “Although not a bulldozer, but bullets did. That, and you hit your head really hard on your way down. Thought we’d lost you there, Bell.”
Bell drank in silence. She’s still watching him, thinking. This was the first time he realized that he couldn’t exactly read her expression and somehow that threw him off.
“What happened?” she asked, one hand mid-air, like she was deciding which to touch first, hesitating and abandoned the idea. 
“You don’t remember?” She shook her head. Adler pretended to look remotely distressed about it. “The doctors warned me about this. It must have been because of the fall- heck, I could even still hear that sickening crunch from here.” He dragged his chair closer towards her bed.
“We were in Amsterdam. Remember Fohler?” she shook her head again. “Well, we’d been tracking this son of a bitch for months, but we were chasing him in Amsterdam. He was running away and climbed up some scaffolding. You were about to go up after him,” he recited the fabricated story he, Park and Hudson had crafted. “He shot you and you fell and hit your head against the pavement.”
Bell looked away first, silent. Her hand gingerly touched the back of her head and winced, albeit only slightly. 
Adler was almost impressed, if not, disarmed by how calm and composed her reaction was to all of this. But then again, after having had witnessed first-hand how the woman barely flinched under any kind of interrogation technique they threw at her- a personality built for wrestling tigers- he really shouldn’t be surprised. 
“Bell, what is the last thing you remember?”
Bell frowned. “Not much. I remember ‘Nam, but-”
“Vietnam? Kid, that was thirteen years ago.” Adler watched the way her throat bopped, like she was swallowing her own blood and the color drained from her face, just like the first time he’d seen her, and proceeded to drop the bomb:
“Bell, the year is 1981.”
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"Bell dear, would you mind taking a look at this?" 
Park's voice sails from across the room. She says it like it's a compound word: Bell-dear. Like the two words belong together. Bell-dear. 2 syllables, 1 word, 9 characters and that just might be the weirdest thing he hears this year and he heard many things.
"Bell dear?" Adler asks much later, his gravel-and-smoke voice reduced to a whisper, when she delivers a document to his table.
Park shrugs as if that explains everything. "What? I like her." 
He's tempted to say you really can't put a term of endearment and someone you brainwashed into submission in the same sentence, but what else is new?
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They wind up in a bar. It’s called Die Stube and the place’s brimmed with artists and all sorts of leather-clad, Bowie-esque dramatic, chromatic blue eyelids young people chattering over a dirty cloud of smoke.
The two of them colonize a lone booth in the back. It’s dark and the quietest. She orders a beer and he, a scotch and they drink in silence. There are moments where her head would twist to the side, as subtle as a needle and survey the phantasmagorical scene before them, like studying something from a petri dish. 
While he’s watching her.
Only to tear his gaze away to the nearest object he can find.
It lands on his watch.
"It’s almost ten. Hudson's contact should be here soon," he announces, if anything to distract himself. She nods mutely in reply, as always, and runs a finger around the rim of her glass.
"The place ain't much of your scene?" 
She shrugs, like it's self-evident. "I didn't know this was a scene, though."
"Well, that’s West Berlin for you. A worry-free playground for the hedonists, hipsters and proto-electro NDW enthusiasts with drugs on tap," Adler says, sipping his drink in practiced nonchalance. "Always makes my head spin."
"I guess I remember it differently," Bell replies, tinged with something akin to begrudging. 
That warrants his full attention. "What do you remember?”
Bell shrugs again and lights a cigarette instead, menthol, one of those long, skinny cigarettes they only market for women; biding her time, making him wait. She lets the smoke flares from her nostrils so her eyes are veiled.
"It’s hard to explain, but I suppose it’s grittier?” she gesticulates, searching for the right word like she’s skim reading the entire Oxford dictionary in her head. “Bizarrely, infinitely grittier and dimmer? Like being in an underground tunnel and there's not much to see."
Interesting. Maybe she’s recalling one of her ops for Perseus or her mind is confusing her with the world on the other side of the wall.
“Maybe you’re remembering one of our clandestine ops here. It was a few years after Vietnam,” Adler supplies, passing over the tale like bait.
She falls for it, hook, line and sinker.
“Ah, I guess that also explains my fluency in German.”
“I taught you that.” It’s only logical, he decides, that she learned from him. She’s supposed to be his protégé after all. 
An elegant brow quirk. "You did?"
"Yeah, though you were already fluent in Latin, Russian, Vietnamese and Portuguese when we first met anyway. You have quite a natural ear, kid.”
She gives him a look. He really can’t categorize it, but it makes it a whole lot harder to fight against her stare.
 “What else did you teach me?” 
If they were anyone else, the lines could have a potential to entice, to seduce, that winsome, catty-eyelashes coquette, but they aren't anyone else and Bell does not voice it like that. Yet the implication behind the question stirs something in the pit of Adler’s stomach anyway, that tight knot of confusion as it is buried with something else and he finds himself, once again, uncharacteristically speechless.
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That particular question of her stays, even hours later, unbidden. Interspersed with her scent and face. 
His emotions are a minefield whenever she’s near now. It evokes that newfound rush of terror within him, like walking on a tightrope or being thrown into the pit to face hundreds of hungry lions, bare hands. It makes Adler questions his every decision, and he can’t have that in his line of work. 
Adler lights his sixth cigarette, contemplating everything, nothing. Anything to distract him from her. It's 4 am and he’s exhausted, but his mind won’t stop whirring. This isn’t like him at all- like he's lost somewhere in a Dali-style labyrinth that is his head and he wonders if this is a byproduct of his fear or fascination or confusion for the young woman.
He fears it is all of them.
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(They're only 10 minutes away from East Berlin when he senses it, something akin to burning on his peripheral vision, pulling him like weight.
Bell is staring at him from across the seat.
He cocks his head slightly to the side.
Adler catches the quick, telling quirk of her lips, like she's about to smile but lights a cigarette instead.)
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“Did you hear that?”
Krauss has just crossed the wall and their soles are slippery from the rain. She's panting. Her breath is white like a fog. Adler muses it must be from the running, until his iris trails down to where her hand is clutching his jacket sleeve, the leather creasing like a modulation signal.
“What is it?” Adler asks, hushed. There are no Stasis here, but even one can't be too careful.
“The TV.” She’s gaping at the broken TV next to them. Adler looks at the said object, frowning, then back to her. “Y-you didn’t hear it?”
"Heard what? Bell, the thing's dead."
Bell withdraws from him. Stepping back until her back meets the walls, her eyes seeing and unseeing, like a lens finding focus in the dark, then she closes them, as if trying to regulate her breathing. Adler has never seen her scared shitless of anything before. The sight confuses as it intrigues him. 
"Bell, what's going on?" Adler steps closer, but he dares not to touch her. 
She shakes her head, dismissive. In just a span of seconds, Bell dons that mask she likes to wear again; deadpan and frustratingly distant. A spike of annoyance drives through him. Just when he thinks he can get through her, there she goes again, retreating behind her palisades.
"Nothing." Bell turns away abruptly and she’s walking again."Let's just go. The others are waiting for us."
He doesn't pry about whatever she heard on the TV- Adler knows better than to beat a dead horse, thank you very much- not even after they save her from Volkov's clutches, after she bashes his head against the steel door and reeks his blood all the way home, it seems superficial at the time.
Until two days later.
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The day starts, as it mostly does for the team, with a briefing. 
Fifteen minutes in and something like a gasp pulls his attention to her. 
That’s when he notices it; her hands are shaking, coffee spilling out of the mug over her hand. A shatter follows. Her mug smashes to smithereens at her feet. She’s swaying, near collapse, like a house of cards about to fall, a hand on her nose.
Adler catches her before she tumbles to the floor.
“Bell!” His arm around her waist tightens, trying to keep her steady. Lazar rushes to their side in a flash and helps him move her to a nearby chair. 
"Jesus Christ," he curses, more to himself than to her as he watches blood, a bead of angry red, trickling down her nose. "Sims, get me a washcloth from the bathroom."
He kneels before her once Sims returns with a damp cloth. Nicotine-stained gloved fingers tentatively grasp her chin, holding her still. 
“Kid, you alright?” Adler asks, worry bleeds into his voice without him realizing it. He firmly presses the cloth under her nose, his other thumb touches the pulse at her throat- it's almost sickly affectionate. “Bell, talk to me."
Bell looks at him, discombobulated, like he's a figment of her imagination, then blinks. Again and again until she heaves a deep breath.
"I-" she hisses. One hand flies up to her head. "Fuck. My head.”
Adler’s eyes immediately search for Park’s. A knowing look passes over her face and he knows without saying that she's thinking the same thing, like they're attached to the same brain-wire:
MK-Ultra.
There’s a fraction of pause, then Lazar asks, "Should we give her something?” 
Before Park can voice her answer, Bell beats her to it. "I already took an anticonvulsant this morning. It should have helped.”
“Wait, this has happened before?” Adler asks.
Bell looks away, a hesitating look shadowing her face. He fears the worst.
“Bell…” he tries again, a slight warning to his tone.
She sighs loudly, as if mentally preparing herself before walking into a storm. 
“Yes. Two days ago."
His mind instantly refers to East Berlin, the TV. Trying to connect the dots in his head. It seems far fetched, but now he wonders if she saw something that triggers this. Although he's never read about this on other subjects before, the correlation is just impossible to ignore.
Fuck. He heaves a breath, willing himself to calm down, to think. They can't afford complications at times like these. Not when there's so much at stake right now.
Adler snaps his attention back to Bell when she tries to scramble awkwardly to her feet, swatting his hand away. The hand on her neck immediately reaches for her waist again and pushes her back down onto the chair. His grip's tight enough to leave marks on her skin, but he doesn't care.
"Bell, for fuck's sake, stay still or so help me," he says, exasperated, not letting go of her waist. 
"I feel better now." Stubborn little shit.
He is tempted to scream at her face and grab both of her shoulders and shake. “The hell you’re not. Stop fighting it. You’ll only make things worse.”
Her face sours, if only for a millisecond before it morphs into guilt. “I’m sorry.”
Adler watches her for a long moment. It’s only now that he realizes that he’s still holding her waist and the cloth on her face. 
He backs away from her like he’s been burnt. 
“You should have told me. I thought I made it clear the other night to keep me informed regarding this,” he scolds. 
“I’m sorry,” she utters again and she looks so pliable like this, a blank canvas perfumed with obedience and lethal mind. It makes him almost feel sorry for what he has in plan for her once the shit show is over.
“Look, just go back to the hotel and take a day off.” Her mouth cracks open. He raises a silencing hand. “That’s an order, Bell.” But she merely scowls, looking more like jagged ice than a person. Hudson may have just met his match, after all.
“I told you I’m fine.”
“That’s not how it looks to me.”
“It is. It’s my body and I know what I’m feeling, and I’m telling you, I. Feel. Fine.”
His jaw clenches. “Are you disobeying a direct order, agent?”
Bell doesn’t answer, but her whole face remains challenging and hard. Undeterred.
Adler holds his breath. He feels the whole room collectively does the same. It’s like staring down the barrel of a gun and there’s an awful sort of danger to be found in that. 
Just when he thinks an imaginary bullet would dig itself into his skin, however, Bell utters, “Of course not.”
And so the woman resumes to her normal, docile self at a drop of a hat. Even when Park steps in and whisks her out of her seat, drives her back to her hotel with Lazar on shotgun. 
It doesn’t assuage his worry, though. He’s still restless throughout the day, like a roaring ocean inside a bell jar. She’s never done this before, openly rebels against him. Now, the situation is just bad. Not casually bad or almost-got-shot bad, this is the-entire-Europe-could-turn-into-a-nuclear-wasteland bad, an-armageddon-waiting-to-happen bad. 
What if this is the beginning of her old self trying to scratch her way out of the surface? Adler’s blood goes cold at the thought. He is going to have to keep a close eye on this development.
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West Berlin - 1 am, local time.
“How is she?”
“Stable. I’ve administered another dose of Propranolol before I left the hotel. She should be fit as a fiddle in the morning.”
“Tell me, what do you think happened to her?”
“My theory? Traumatic brain injury. A cumulative product of torture, trauma-based mind control and chronic stress. I've read reports about cases like these before in MI6. None of them is still alive to recount the tale, unfortunately."
Adler grips the phone. 
“How long do you think we have?”
“Theoretically, 2-3 weeks tops.”
“But?”
He hears Park sighs on the other line. “But then again, none of the subjects I’ve encountered before were like her. So, I suppose it’s still a little too premature to determine at this point."
Adler kneads his temple, feeling the start of that familiar Bell-induced headache forms in his head. Can things just be fucking simple for once? 
“We don’t have that much time anyway, Park. And if Hudson gets a wind of this, he’ll want her gone by morning. I can’t let that happen. Not…” he pauses. “Not when we are this close.”
"What are we going to do about her, then?" 
Adler sighs.
"Raise the dosages of her drugs,” he says. “And keep an extra eye on her. I think we may be heading into uncharted waters now.”
Tagging: @mvalentine cause you said to tag you with everything i write so  👁👄👁
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hermannsthumb · 3 years
Note
I've read fics where Hermann disapproves of PDAs but what about the reverse? As in he's so stunned at winning the most amazing man in the Shatterdome (6 phds, literal rockstar, gorgeous Newt) that he deliberately provokes contact and shows of affection. Just to show off to people and send a clear back off signal. And Newt just dotes on him obliviously.
ok this one is another super old prompt and when I was writing it this week it KINDA got away from me. but I hope everyone enjoyyyys. partially inspired from conversations with @k-sci-janitor 👀 totally sfw, except for one brief reference
anyway, a fic about hermann being all affectionate with newt and also discovering what relaxation is 
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The day after the world doesn’t end, Hermann brings Newt breakfast in bed.
Honestly, it surprises Newt more than the whole world not ending thing. Up until the previous evening, after all, Newt was pretty damn sure the guy absolutely hated him, and that if Hermann was gonna do something as out of character as bringing him breakfast, it surely meant he’d spat in it first. Or maybe poisoned it. If hated isn’t the right word, Newt would say Hermann at the very least barely tolerated. And then the whole sharing the neural load thing happened. And, after that, hugging, not once, but twice, and then falling asleep in bed together. And now Hermann’s perched on the edge of his bed (which they shared while they slept) and handing him a plate.
“You had quite the busy day yesterday,” Hermann says kindly. Hermann has never spoken to Newt kindly before. Atop the plate are two pieces of toast, a soft-boiled egg, and a mug of coffee. The coffee and toast (Newt notices) are exactly the shade he prefers. He wonders if Hermann picked up on it before or after the whole mind-melding thing. Before wouldn’t surprise him—Hermann has always been weird about noticing details like that. The egg, however, is something purely Hermann in taste. “I imagine you could use a nice spot of breakfast,” he adds.
Newt shoves his glasses on and blinks at Hermann groggily. He struggles to sit up, partially tangled in his sheets, and then takes the plate. A little bit of coffee sloshes down onto one of the slices of toast. “Are you wearing my sweatshirt?” he says.
Hermann smiles and looks down at the ragged old MIT sweatshirt he’s tossed on. He may have a few inches on Newt, but he’s still one skinny motherfucker, and it hangs almost comically off his frame. “I am,” he says. “I poked around in your closet, I hope you don’t mind. My clothing was in a rather sorry state.”
Sorry state is an understatement for both of them. Newt’s surprised they haven’t been formally ordered to burn the shit they wore to the bone slums yet. Blood, dirt, and kaiju guts aside, Newt’s, at least, reeks to high heaven with sweat. “No worries,” Newt says. He picks up the coffee and blows on it. He wonders where Hermann got coffee that smells this good. It’s been hard to find anything decent and non-instant on the base these days, and (thanks to limited rations) chain shops like Starbucks cost an arm and a leg for even a small. He also wonders what people thought when they saw Hermann strutting around the base with bedhead in a sweatshirt that obviously wasn’t his. Newt almost wants to blush on his behalf. Scandalous.
Before Newt can so much as take a sip of the coffee, Hermann is suddenly unbuckling and shucking off his grey slacks. “Dude!” Newt yelps, flushing bright red to the tips of his ears. Hermann blinks at him innocently. “What are you doing?”
It’s not so much that Newt is upset as it is that it’s so wildly out of character for Hermann that he feels he owes it to Hermann to act at least moderately scandalized. In all his years of knowing and working alongside Hermann, he’s never so much as seen Hermann’s bare wrist before. Now he’s in Newt’s goddamn bed flashing calves, and thighs, and neatly-pressed little white briefs… Hermann rolls his eyes and tosses the slacks (unfolded!) onto Newt’s desk chair. “Making myself comfortable,” he says. “Would you like me to stop?”
Does Hermann iron his underwear? It would be at odds with the rest of his clothing if he did, which is usually in various stages of frumpy to outright wrinkled, but Newt can’t think of how else it would look like that. He wonders if Hermann’s stitched his name on the inner waistband. It seems like the kind of thing Hermann would do. Newt suddenly realizes he’s been staring at Hermann’s briefs (and, worse still, considering how cute Hermann looks in just them and Newt’s sweatshirt) for an uncomfortably long time, so he quickly shakes his head and drags his eyes to Hermann’s face. One of Hermann’s eyebrows is quirked up. Newt hasn’t been subtle. “No,” he says. He clears his throat. “No, dude, you’re—all good.”
He chokes down a too-hot sip of coffee to have something to do with his mouth.
Hermann smirks.
The bedcovers are drawn back. Hermann slips under them and drapes an arm across Newt’s chest, his hand curling protectively over Newt’s hip. With his other hand he snags Newt’s coffee from his grasp and takes a sip. Newt watches his jaw and throat work as he swallows it, a funny feeling blooming in the pit of his stomach. The mug is handed back over, Hermann’s fingers brushing against Newt’s, which make Newt feel even funnier. “Newton,” Hermann declares. “I think we ought to have sex.”
“Oh,” Newt says. “Can I finish my breakfast first?”
“Certainly,” Hermann says.
Newt’s heart pounds as he spreads a little packet of margarine across one of the pieces of toast; he can feel Hermann’s eyes on him, never straying once. Hermann’s hand draws little circles on his hip. Newt drops his toast twice to the plate before he can successfully take a bite, and even when he does, he doesn’t taste it. Hermann’s fingers dip under the hem of his t-shirt. Newt swallows his toast. “Why?” he says.
Apparently it’s the right question. Hermann nods, like he’s pleased Newt has asked. Like they’re talking theories or something. “I came to the conclusion while I fetching your coffee,” Hermann says. “It occurred to me that I wouldn’t have gotten up at seven in the morning to get coffee for just anyone. Then, of course, there is the whole drifting business—”
“You realized you wouldn’t have done that for just anyone too, huh?” Newt says with a smile. Hermann’s hand on his hip stills, and his cheeks go pink. Newt’s relieved to have gotten some ground back here. “Hermann, that’s sooo romantic.”
“The world was at stake,” Hermann sniffs.
“It’s okay,” Newt says. “I won’t tell anyone the great Dr. Gottlieb has feelings. So, what, you realized you have a big ole crush on me?”
Hermann takes the unfinished piece of toast from him and sets it down on his plate. He pulls Newt’s glasses off, kisses him soundly, and then puts Newt’s glasses back on. His mouth tastes like toothpaste. “On the contrary, I’ve always suspected it,” he says. “It’s just that now I have the time to confirm it.” He reaches up and strokes at Newt’s hair. “We have the time for lots of things, now, Newton. Whatever we’d like.”
Newt finishes off his coffee quickly, not even caring when he burns his tongue, and then tosses the remainder of his breakfast to the floor. His egg spills onto the massacred skinny corduroys he wore yesterday. Whatever, Newt’s burning them anyway. “God, get overhere already, man,” he says, tugging at Hermann’s borrowed sweatshirt. He needs to help Hermann confirm his crush or whatever, pronto.
--
It’s a few days before Newt and Hermann finally drag themselves out of bed and to the lab to tackle what little work remains for them to do—cataloguing what are apparently the last kaiju samples known to man (Newt), recording and backing up their drift data (Newt’s solo drift, and then their joint data), drawing some random scribbles on the board and pretending they’re important calculations about the possibility of the Breach reopening (Hermann. Okay, whatever, maybe they are important). Unfortunately, the delay isn’t for any sexy reasons, as much as Newt would’ve liked it to have been. The events of the last day of the war caught up with them pretty quickly after that morning in Newt’s bed, and they mostly just slept, ordered out dinner, popped ibuprofen for their various aches, and avoided medical at all costs. (Rumor had it the medical staff on base were looking for him and Hermann so they could do some brain scans. Apparently drifting with a kaiju brain is potentially dangerous, who knew.)
A rancid smell washes over them the second they push the heavy lab doors open, and Newt spots several hunks of kaiju organs rotting away on his workbench. Hermann clamps a hand to his mouth. “Oops,” Newt says, turning to Hermann sheepishly. He can’t help but cower as he does. He and Hermann got along swimmingly the past couple days—it’ll be sad to see all that hard work go down the drain over this. “Guess I forgot to clean up the other day. In my defense—we were kind of busy.”
But Hermann doesn’t snap at Newt, or thump his cane on the ground, or call Newt an idiot, or even look annoyed; he lowers his hand from his mouth and laughs. Albeit a terse laugh, but still. Newt gapes at him. “We were rather busy,” Hermann concedes. “So long as you clean it up in the next ten minutes, I—what, Newton?”
“Nothing,” Newt says, quickly. “I’m gonna—um—deal with it now.”
Hermann disappears from the lab while Newt is digging around in the storage closet for extra heavy-duty trash bags. When he comes back an hour later, he’s holding a cardboard tray of small plastic cups, and Newt has just hefted his last spoiled sample into the lab’s airtight biohazard bin (a bit mournfully, if he’s being honest, since he’s sure there’s still more to learn about the kaiju from them). Newt squints at the cups in the tray while he rips his messy disposable work gloves off. “What’s that?” he says.
“Iced coffee,” Hermann declares.
The gloves slap, wetly, into the biohazard bin, and Newt lets out a low whistle. “Dude. No way. From where?” He’s not sure when he gave off the impression that the way to his heart was good coffee, but maybe it’s true. Then again, Hermann could probably win him over with a cup of lukewarm tap water. Not because Newt is desperate or anything. He just really likes Hermann.
“A little shop a bit away from the base,” Hermann says. “I took the bus.” He draws back his chair and sits down with a soft sigh, setting his cane against his desk. Then he draws out a small brown paper bag from his parka pocket. He tosses it to Newt; Newt catches it with one hand. “They had these funny little cakes on sticks. I thought you might like one.”
“Cake pops?” Newt says.
“I presume,” Hermann says. While Newt inhales the little chocolate-dipped cake pop (which is so good, oh my God, Newt hasn’t had dessert that didn’t come from a vending machine in plastic shrink wrap in years), Hermann adds, “I wasn’t sure what sort of iced coffee you liked, so I made sure to get a variety.”
“Sick,” Newt says, spewing crumbs on his shirt. “Um. But, like, why though?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Hermann says. “I suppose I wanted to do something kind for you.” He carefully slides a straw out of its paper wrappings and pokes it into the lid of one of the coffees. Once he crumples up the wrapper and tosses It into his train bin, he grips his cane, and uses the handle to nudge Newt’s desk chair towards him. “You worked awfully hard cleaning the laboratory.”
Newt preens a little, even as he privately wonders why Hermann’s acting so weird. Well, nice. But nice is weird for Hermann, so they’re basically the same thing. Is this part of his whole deciding whether or not he digs Newt thing? Newt just assumed the awesome morning they spent together would be proof enough of that. Then again, Hermann’s pretty thorough. “I guess,” Newt says. “It was kind of my mess, though.”
Hermann pats at the empty chair with a smile. Hermann’s smiles are so rare—crooked, and stupid cute—that Newt’s heart gives a painful little twist at the sight of it, and he realizes he doesn’t actually give a shit about why Hermann’s being all weird, actually. “You’ve earned a break,” Hermann says. “Besides, I’d like to spend time with you.”
Newt’s too stunned to argue with that one. When he sits down, Hermann inches their chairs together until their knees are touching.
--
They don’t necessarily fall back into their usual habits by the next week, but the better ones they’ve picked up (being a little kinder to each other, a little more patient, a little more respectful, and also the fact that Hermann can’t seem to stop touching Newt) all but fall into the background as Newt throws himself into his work with renewed determination. Unfortunately, his desire to get it all done as soon as fucking possible speaks less to his awesome work ethic, and more to the fact that he’s just not sure what else to do with himself now, and he likes that work gives him the excuse to not think about it. Hermann said they have all the time to do whatever they like now. Well, Newt likes working. He knows working. Relaxation is a foreign concept to him, and it was a foreign concept to Hermann up until recently. While Newt is toiling away over his decaying kaiju samples in the lab, Hermann is out—
“Where?” Newt says.
Hermann gives Newt the most serene smile Newt’s ever seen cross his face. “I took a bath,” he says. “It was very nice. I bought some nice soaps, and lit some candles, and looked online to see how to do one of those mud masks. It was very relaxing. You ought to try it.”
“Try bathing?” Newt says.
“Yes. Well, no. I mean taking a bath. Is there something you’re not understanding?”
Newt tries to imagine Hermann with a mud mask on his face and cucumbers over his eyes and fails miserably. Hermann hates messes. He would never stand for mud, let alone on his skin. Where’d he even find a bathtub? Did he break into the rangers’ locker room again? Aren't candles banned on base for being a fire hazard, anyway? “Yeah,” Newt says. “Pretty much all of it.”
Hermann shakes his head with a snort, and Newt catches a whiff of something floral and fragrant—his fancy new soap or oil, he guesses. “I’m not surprised. You know, Newton, you are awfully tense.”
Hearing that from Hermann of all people, the king of having-a-massive-stick-up-your-ass, is probably the funniest thing that’s ever happened to Newt. He laughs out loud and plunges a bare hand into his kaiju sample with a gross squelching noise. “Sure, dude.”
He’s almost too engrossed in his sample to feel Hermann sidling up behind him and setting a hand at his waist. He definitely feels Hermann nose a kiss behind his ear, though, and the hot flush that spreads down across his neck from it. Newt’s hand goes sweaty around his scalpel. One thing he definitely wasn’t expecting from a post-no-apocalypse Hermann is how free he is with affection in any and all forms. “Give it a rest, love,” Hermann murmurs. He nudges at the heel of Newt’s boot with the end of his cane. Love? “Why don’t we head back to my quarters and watch a film? You can pick.”
“But.” Newt fidgets. “I have—my sample—”
Another little kiss. The soapy-oil smell is stronger now. Newt thinks it might be lavender. He wonders if the mud mask left Hermann’s skin all soft. “It won’t be going anywhere, Newton.”
Newt sets down his scalpel.
When they they pass by a group of LOCCENT staff in the hallway, Newt makes to drop Hermann’s hand (which Hermann had laced together with his own before they left the lab), but Hermann holds fast, maybe even faster than before, and looks at him with his stupidly sweet set of big eyes. Newt waits until they round the corner to say anything. “Sorry,” he says, lamely. “Um. I thought—you wouldn’t want—” Hermann continues to stare at him. His iris is still ringed red like Newt’s. “I just mean I know you’re weird about stuff like that. Public stuff.” Hermann has been a closed and tightly-bound book for as long as Newt’s known him; he can’t imagine that would suddenly change and he would start broadcasting his emotions far and wide in the course of a week just because he’s a little less stressed.
Or, you know. Maybe Newt’s totally wrong on this. “Ah,” Hermann says. He nods, very seriously. “Yes. I have been considering that as well. I see no reason to hide recent developments in our relationship.” He squeezes Newt’s hand. "In fact, I see no reason to not be quite, er, proud of them. You’re quite the catch.”
Newt remembers the stolen sweatshirt. Maybe Hermann wearing it out to get them breakfast was more calculated than he realized. “So if I made out with you against the wall right now you wouldn’t be mad?” Newt says.
“Well,” Hermann says, inclining his head to his door, "seeing as my quarters are right there, it seems a rather unnecessary inconvenience.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Newt smiles as Hermann leads him in. “Can I really pick the movie?”
“Within reason.”
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Chapter Thirty-Six: How I Did It - By Jack The Ripper
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Rated PG-13: For dark themes and language
Masterlist
~We'll never get free Lamb to the slaughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water? The price of your greed Is your son and your daughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water?
Beg me for mercy Admit you were toxic You poisoned me just for Another dollar in your pocket Now I am the violence I am the sickness Won't accept your silence Beg me for forgiveness~
"He's here."
Crossing the Event-Horizon
That's what that's called. I've always thought that's the most beautiful way of putting it. The words have a certain ring to them.
Crossing the Event-Horizon
It means crossing the point of no return. That itself - the point of no return - could mean a lot of things. It could mean the beginning. It could mean the end. It could mean the infinite. It could mean life. It could mean death. It could mean war, peace, happiness, sadness, or anything in between.
But it means one thing for sure.
Crossing the Event-Horizon means there's no going back.
If I had to identify a beginning to the end of my story, then I think that little red dot on the map of time is where I'd stick my proverbial pin. That one little sentence, those two little words.
Yes, it was that moment, I think.
That was when it all started to go wrong.
"Felix is here," I said quietly, "He's outside."
I didn't know what I was going to do to get my revenge from that point. All I knew was, in order to kill Felix, I would need to get to him. And that meant getting away from Jack. Getting away from the son of the devil is something certainly easier said than done.
I would have to do it in a manner which would compel him and the Winchesters to come 'save me'. Of course, I could just knock Jack out and ditch him, but then I would have no back-up if things with Felix went sour. Now, if there was one thing I had learned in the five years leading up to my presence in that lighthouse, it was redundancy. It never hurts to have a safety net. Mine just happened to be a Nephilim.
"You remembered to lock the door, right?" Jack joked. I huffed a laugh. "We're safe in here. Don't worry, Marty. I'll protect you."
Isaac shook his head. "Felix has hostages. Two of 'em." He informed me.
"It's not me I'm worried about," I said to Jack, "This is a hostage situation."
The Nephilim's expression darkened and Isaac rolled his eyes.
"Personally, I say we go on the offensive. I mean, ya boyfriend here has more than enough juice to disintegrate seven dudes, right? Just waltz out there like we own the place, boom, clap, poof, TA-DA!"
"Ya know, that's actually not that bad of a plan," I said, nodding. I relayed the message to Jack who nodded.
"I could do it." He seemed confident.
"Felix brought six helpers. Have you ever dusted that many guys before?" I asked.
"I have, yes. Many more, in fact."
Well, that was... thoroughly disturbing. He seemed so calm about it. As if anyone who stood against him was nothing more than an obstacle. That could be me one day. That could be me tomorrow.
"Alright then, lead the way," I said, smirking.
Is it bad that I hoped something would happen to Jack? Nothing deadly, of course. Just something that would stop him from using his powers to take my revenge for me. Felix was mine. I needed to be the one to kill him. If Jack did it then what had been the point of it all? So, was it bad of me to hope that the quickest, cleanest solution wouldn't be the one that played out?
Was that wrong?
Did that make me evil?
Did I care if it did?
"Everything's going to be fine, Marty. You'll see." And Jack smiled at me softly and I wondered how long that would last.
I found myself standing beside him at the door to the lighthouse. My blood was boiling for a fight because this was it. Felix was on the other side of that door and in a few hours, I would be free, one way or another. Jack turned the handle.
Across the Event-Horizon.
A vampire, a ghost, and a Nephilim stepped out into the muggy night air. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but it was more the beginning of a new era, at least for me. I stayed mostly hidden beside Jack, maintaining my air of powerlessness. Isaac stepped into place at the Nephilim's other side to match. I could feel the heat of Felix's presence bleeding through the space between us. He carried with him the foul stench of burning tar and just his scent made me want to wrinkle my nose.
He stood about ten feet away from Isaac, Jack, and me, flanked by six other vampires. There was no army, not that I had expected there to be - that wasn't how Felix worked. He didn't need an army, he'd brought two hostages. Two humans knelt on the ground in front of each of Felix's lackeys, poised to die.
Felix's lips stretched into something that approximated a smile but his little ruse was transparent. I could see the hate simmering in his eyes.
"This little game of ours has been fun but a score still stands to be settled and its resolution, I do believe, is long overdue. There is no place left for you to run, child. Are you finally ready to face judgment for your crimes, Martina?" He said. A smile spread across my face to match his.
"Are you?" I challenged, leaving all human emotion out of my voice. I had been so afraid of him before, but that fear was in the past. I had come to witness true power, I had seen it up close and Felix Ashton Monroe was nothing in comparison. I wasn't afraid of him anymore.
"I suppose you'll just have to find that out," He said. "Now, I've just had a rather unsavory chat with one Samuel Winchester. Barbarians those boys are - him and his brother. I do so hope you'll remember the manners I taught you and come along like a civilized being."
"Ready when you are," Isaac reported. His Darth Vader figure was tucked safely in my boot and I counted the fact that Felix didn't know about him as one of the few advantages I had. Both Isaac and I knew that in order to keep that advantage my brother would have to suffer through being dragged behind a car via his attachment to the figure to prevent Felix from noticing his presence. We had decided a long time ago that I wouldn't face Felix alone. Isaac had protested against us facing him at all.
It was ironic, really. He was the ghost, yet out of the two of us, I was the vengeful one. See, Isaac had never sought revenge against Felix. The only person Isaac wanted vengeance against was himself. He sought punishment for his failure to keep me safe, to keep any of us safe. I suppose he got his wish. Ever since that night, Isaac remained trapped on earth with what was less of a mission and more of a duty. To keep me alive. If one looked at it properly, that was another advantage. Isaac had been formidable when he was alive, but as a vengeful spirit and with a threat on my life to power him up, Isaac was alarmingly deadly.
I didn't need to send him a discreet nod to acknowledge his words. The two of us had been preparing for this moment for five years. We knew our roles. We knew what we had to do.
"Marty isn't going anywhere with you," Jack cut in, his voice firm.
"You're Jack Kline I presume," Felix said in his usual drawling tone. His voice too reminded me of tar with the way it oozed lazily around his words. Everything about him was so clean and sharp yet somehow it was all horrifically revolting.
"I am, yes." Jack nodded. He was trying to sound confident and authoritative, mimicking Sam or Dean or Castiel. But he wasn't like them, it wasn't in his nature. Jack was too soft. Felix regarded him with a smirk, studying the boy in a calculating manner as if Jack were merely a rare antiquity he was appraising in an effort to determine its value.
"The boy born to rule..." He hummed, drawing out the words almost reverently. "Yer smaller than the rumors describe ye to be."
"So are you," Jack replied, standing up straighter and lifting his chin confidently.
"Oh, I'm afraid not." That slime ball cracked a smile. "I'm much too careful to allow for rumors of my physical appearance to drift beyond my reach."
"Really?" Jack challenged. "Because it seems like Martina found us. She told us everything about you."
Felix just laughed like he was talking to something as insignificant as a flea.
"Do ye never listen, young one? I said I don't allow rumors to drift beyond my reach. Seeing as Martina is standing directly ahead of me, I'd say she is well within my grasp. That which is mine does not escape me, laddie. She knows that better than anyone," Felix said.
"If you're so careful, then why come here yourself?" Jack asked, struggling to remain impassive. He didn't really have a poker face.
"Why, because unlike an amateur I actually quite enjoy getting my hands dirty every now and again. Especially with a vendetta this personal. Isn't that right, Martina?" Felix taunted. "Will you be coming willingly or not?"
"I said you can't have her," The half-angel forcefully growled. Jack pushed me behind him, shielding me from my creator's gaze.
"Is that so? I was unaware you had a choice in the matter," Felix accosted, seemingly amused. "Were your circumstances not clearly implicit in the situation? No? Very well! If you insist against using so much as a modicum of intelligence, I suppose I'll have to explain this situation to you. See, these dirty, pathetic excuses for intelligent life forms you see trembling before you are called humans, dear boy. I hear you're quite fond of them, and today they are playing the role which we in the criminal world usually refer to as the hostage. Now, their miserable little lives are in your hands, Jack. I am a man of my word thus I will gladly release them, alive and well, upon the prompt return of my property. However, I will not hesitate to rip them both to shreds right in front of you if I don't get my way. Do you understand that , boy?"
Jack didn't respond. He appeared torn between protecting me and saving the lives of the hostages.
"Good," Felix droned, "Now, are you ready to leave, Martina dear?"
" You don't get to speak to her ," Jack snarled. His teeth snapped together with an audible click as he threw his arm out in front of me, not quite ready to give up. Felix rolled his eyes.
"Must we really do this the hard way?" He asked, boredom evident in his tone.
"Yes."
Felix tilted his head and his gaze flicked to me. I could see a hint of amusement in his expression.
"Tell me, lassie. Have you kissed him yet?" He chuckled. Then, abruptly, his expression darkened. "Or is he just that stupid? "
"Who says I did anything?" I replied evenly. Felix huffed, rolling his eyes.
"So you have?" He turned his attention to Jack who just seemed confused. "Did you enjoy it, me boy? If you'll recall, I did wish you a very exciting first, did I not?"
"Marty, what's he talking about?" Jack asked, doubt wavering in his voice. I didn't answer him. Felix was taking a chisel to the wall I'd built in that boy's head. Not causing enough damage to send it crumbling, but planting enough doubt for it to hurt even worse when it did.
"Ah, my devious little Martina," Felix sighed, shaking his head dramatically. "You're as predictable as you are appallingly cruel."
"Guess I learned from the best," I hissed, glaring at him.
"Does that mean you'll be sensible?" He asked, raising a brow.
"You're not taking her!" My angel boy yelled. "She's mine. " A shock ran through my bones as Jack's powers ignited and his metaphysical wings spread out in front of me in a terrifying reminder of what he truly was.
Felix didn't flinch. Instead, he chuckled.
"That's cute," He said, gesturing to Jack's massive wings. Then, he straightened the cuffs of his suit and sighed. From out of his pocket he retrieved a box of matches, pulling one out and striking it. He tossed the match lazily in front of him, the reflection of its tiny flame dancing in his eyes.
The match hit the sand and flickering orange flames erupted from where it landed. The fire spread outward in a ring that encompassed the entire lighthouse, trapping me, Jack, and Isaac inside.
Jack hissed through his teeth as he watched the flames die down. They were low enough to pass easily through, so how were they supposed to contain us?
"In case ye can't tell, that there is holy fire," Felix informed, tucking the matches back in his pocket. "Any angel who finds themselves encircled by holy fire is rendered powerless, and if one tries to step through those flames, one will be instantly vaporized." He looked up again, unimpressed. "Don't get smart with me, boy . I am thousands of years your senior. I'll do with that disgusting whore whatever I damn please."
"No, you won't !"Jack yelled. His wings flared out and a blazing golden light poured from him like molten metal. The air buzzed with a divine power that burned my skin from standing so close. He was like sunlight, and it burned. I cowered away but watched in awe as Jack's veins lit beneath his skin as if gold were pumping through them instead of blood. Because that's what Jack Kline was. He was power. With a sudden ferocity, the flames leaped up, roaring around his body in an effort to keep him trapped inside. But Jack did the impossible and stepped beyond the ring with a cry of effort.
Felix did not cower away as his underlings did; he merely tilted his head with slight interest.
"How intriguing," He mused, folding his hands in front of him. "Tell me, lad. How did you manage that?"
Jack glared at Felix, his chest heaving, for I could tell that act had caused him pain.
"I'm not an angel."
Jack raised his hand, poised to snap the monsters all into dust.
"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Felix half-heartedly warned.
"Why not?" The Nephilim ground out.
The vampire smiled coolly. "Because these fine specimens here are not my only hostages." Of course, he had more. He was always prepared.
"Where are the others?" Jack demanded, eyes flaring.
"They're safe and sound, I assure ye. Unless, of course, you try to do somethin' stupid, such as kill me. If that's the case, and I do hope it's not, then my people have orders to do some rather unsavory things to a room full of children." Felix raised a brow, daring Jack to make a move against him.
"I can save them," Jack said, confident.
"Please! Ye don't even know where they are!" He scoffed. "Do what ye must, Jack Kline. But I really do fear for the children." Jack gritted his teeth but said nothing. He knew he was beaten. "That's better." Felix turned his attention to me. "Give up this pitiful act of yours, Martina. Come on out. You know this is checkmate."
I stepped away from Jack and stood tall, allowing the thing that had made me to see the steel in my eyes. I passed Jack and planted myself in front of Felix.
"This isn't checkmate, Monroe. This is merely check. I'll be damned before I walk into something with no way out, you know that better than anyone." My voice was calm and cool and I let it chill him. It was my real voice, not that other one I always used to put people at ease. My real voice was the one that makes people do what I want.
The corner of Felix's mouth twitched up. "Oh, yes. I know." He leaned down, his face merely an inch away from mine. "I'm looking forward to it."
"So, where's the car?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Right this way, m'dear." He gestured towards the dirt road a ways away and started toward it. I began to follow but Jack's voice made me stop.
"You're a monster," He spat, shaking with rage. His pained expression had morphed into one of hatred and his glowing golden eyes fixed on Felix.
Felix twisted around, mildly amused more than anything.
"Empathy, humanity, and morality make you weak, boy. Alas, weakness is a bitch , isn't it?" He smirked, basking in the pain he caused.
"I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" Jack screamed. His power flared with his anger but there was nothing he could do. The absolute helplessness and hopelessness of his situation finally dawned on him. He never could stand feeling helpless.
"Hold on, I'm confused. Is that not what you do ?" Felix jeered, lifting a brow. Jack froze, his eyes going wide and puppy-like as the vampire's words hit him in the heart. His rage and power dimmed.
"W-What?" Poor thing. His voice sounded so small. He had never been made for this.
"You're the Winchester's attack dog, are ye' not?" Felix clarified. "Playing judge, jury, and executioner for anything you deem a monster."
"You are a monster," Jack scowled, clenching his fists.
"Oh, I know that!" Felix laughed. "But I like to think I've done quite a bit to earn me that title. There are, however, six quite innocent and quite human patients in critical condition at a Manhattan hospital. Six patients, who you put there. Those weren't monsters now, were they?"
Jack's face paled. Sam and Dean had said everyone was fine. Sam and Dean had lied. "H-How did- How did you-"
"That was some stunt you pulled in Times Square, boy," He mused. "Did you really think I wouldn't know about it?"
"Th-that w-was... I-it wasn't... I didn't mean to I-" Jack shook his head in denial. "It was an accident!"
"Why, of course it was!" Felix laughed. "You've not a malicious heart nor the disposition to take an innocent life. Dear boy, you are but a loaded gun for the Winchesters aim at anything they don't like."
Jack shook his head. "T-that's not true! I kill things that are evil because they hurt people." His words sounded hollow like they were something practiced. Like something that had been pounded into him.
"Do ye now? Because as I recall, you killed your own mother and ye' don't even know why. Sad, that." Felix smiled. "You kill because you were bred to; it's your purpose. It's almost cute, the son of the devil thinking he's a hero."
"I am ! I'm a hunter!" Jack insisted.
"You are not a hero," Felix sneered, shaking his head. "You are a murderer, Jack Kline. What else could ya be?" The Scottish man turned on his heel, not caring much to hear what the Nephilim had to say.
"Y-you're wrong. You're wrong about me!" That was all Jack could force out. He tried so hard to keep the tears at bay. I shook my head and turned away from him to follow my creator. "M-Marty?" Jack called out from behind me, his voice laced with desperation and confusion.
I stopped.
In that moment, I finally stripped away the final pieces of the human girl I'd made for him. The girl I'd designed for him to love. Jack would never see her again. That girl was gone now. And good riddance to her; I hoped she'd never come back.
Because she was weak.
And I was not.
Because she was human.
And I was a monster.
Because she was kind.
And I was cruel.
Because she was innocent.
And I was insane.
Because she was honest and grateful.
And I was a deceitful manipulator.
Because she was the blissful mirage.
And I was the horrid reality.
Because she was perfect.
And I never could be.
Because Jack Kline loved that sweet girl.
But that girl wasn't ME.
She never had been.
Of course, I still loved him which only made this harder. But I supposed that in a few hours that would be of no consequence. He wouldn't care. And that fact hurt like a needle to the heart, but pain only brings power to those with nothing left to lose. So, I threw my head back and I laughed as I embraced that pain, just as I did for every other cut and bruise I had ever received. That needle was one in a million and all that pain was what made me real. So, I sighed and turned back to where my angel boy stood, staring at me like some lost puppy.
"I'm sorry, Jack," I said sweetly, "Thanks for getting me this far, I don't think I could have done it without you. Unfortunately, this is something I have to do on my own. This is my last page and nobody can write it for me."
"You can't go," He said, shaking his head. There were tears in his eyes but none in mine. I smiled at him and that was the first he'd seen from me that was real, because, for the first time, Jack was talking to me.
"Why are you worried, Jack?" I was surprised at how smooth and pleasing my own voice sounded, now that I took notice. My real voice was why I was dangerous; when I used it I could make anyone do anything. But there was a reason I had been masking it for so long. It was what had gotten me into this in the first place. "I know you'll come to save me."
"What if I'm too late?" He asked, his voice breaking.
"Then I'll be there waiting for you," I answered.
"You'll die," Jack whispered. I laughed lightly, shaking my head.
"I'm not going to die today, Jack."
"You don't know that!"
"I've known for longer than you think," I said. I watched his teary, desperate expression and copied it to my memory as best as I could. It was the last time he'd look at me that way. At least for a while. "Just do me one last favor?"
"Anything," Jack promised.
"There's a girl you haven't met yet, try not to hate her when you do." I smiled and Jack nodded, trying his best to stay strong.
Then I left him there.
Alone in the sand, he watched a stranger he thought he loved going to what he thought was her death and vowed to save her from it.
Was it wrong for me to deceive him?
Did I care if it was?
***
Sam paced back and forth along the length of the lighthouse as he waited for Dean and Castiel to return. Every few minutes or so he would check his watch anxiously and run a hand through his hair, muttering something unintelligible under his breath before he resumed his pacing.
But Jack wasn't paying attention to that. He was busy staring at his hands. There were too many thoughts racing through his head for him to focus on any one of them. It had all happened so fast and there was nothing he could have done, but it didn't feel that way. Jack felt responsible. Martina was going to die because of him. It was his fault.
It was always his fault.
The door of the Lighthouse burst open, revealing Dean and Cas standing there in the driving rain that had come on before anyone had time to notice. Dean threw himself inside and Cas trailed after him, taking the time to close the lighthouse door while Dean shook the rain off like an oversized dog.
"What took you so long?" Sam was immediately questioning. "Where were you?"
"Gettin' information," Dean smirked. "It took a while, but one of the bloodsuckers squealed. What happened here, Jack?"
"I kissed Martina," Jack blurted out.
"What?" Sam, Dean, and Cas asked in unison, sharing the same disbelieving expression.
Jack hadn't meant to say it but it just sort of came out. It probably wasn't his fault, though. Jack simply couldn't stop thinking about every detail of his time with the girl in the lighthouse. He wanted to focus on what had happened after, but his brain simply wouldn't cooperate.
"I, um... I kissed Martina..." He repeated, somewhat nervously. "And I think I liked it..."
Had he liked it? Jack thought so; he was pretty sure. But something about it felt off.
Why had he kissed her in the first place? What had compelled him to do that? Jack didn't know.
His memories of the kiss were strange. He remembered clearly the emotions he'd felt, and the intensity of them. Yet, for some reason, Jack couldn't seem to recall where those feelings had come from. He had wanted to kiss Martina, but not like that... Or... maybe he had? It felt to Jack as if the decisions he'd made weren't his own. He couldn't even remember making any decisions, really. All he remembered was those feelings and acting on them. Something about that seemed off to him but Jack wasn't sure. He supposed it wasn't that out of the ordinary for him to behave impulsively. On the contrary, he tended to do that quite a lot. So, what was bothering him?
"Wait..." Dean paled, "You and Marty... You- You two didn't, like... do it in a lighthouse, right?"
Jack tilted his head, brows furrowing. "Do what?"
"C-Cas?" Dean's face whitened another shade as he turned to the seraph. "Please tell me your son didn't-" Castiel gave a long-suffering sigh.
"No, Dean. I really don't think they did anything," He said, rolling his eyes.
"Not everyone is like you," Sam added. Dean waved him off.
"Yeah, okay, but why am I the only one gettin' weirded out by this?" He exclaimed.
"Because we have bigger problems, Dean!" Sam pointed out, exasperated. Sam seemed anxious and Jack wondered what he wanted to tell them.
"Well, I think this is pretty big!" Dean insisted, turning to Jack. "Dude, what the hell?"
"I don't understand what you mean. Martina and I kissed." Jack said simply.
"Dean, seriously. I-" Sam tried. Dean held up a hand, sighing.
Dean sighed. "Jack... Y-You don't do that."
"Dean! Listen-"
"Not now, Sam!" Dean cut him off again.
"Why not? Jack asked, frowning.
"Look, ya just- Ya gotta wait a little while, man!" Dean said, running a hand over his face. "I mean, Marty's like, twelve!" He insisted. By then, Sam had decided he'd had it.
"No, Dean! She's really not!" The younger Winchester yelled, throwing his hands in the air.
"What?" Dean was shocked by his brother's sudden outburst. Sam took a deep breath to calm himself now that he had everyone's attention.
"Martina's not as young as we think she is. I-I think she's older, m-much older." Sam said, stress leaking into his tone.
"What are you saying, Sam?" Cas asked.
"I'm saying we've been played."
***
The car ride was smooth and it was the first time I'd been in a limo, so naturally, I took the comforts offered me. I stretched out across the seat, lounging as I stared out the tinted window. I didn't worry about Felix sitting directly across from me. I knew he didn't want to kill me. Not yet anyway.
"I'm curious, how did you manage to fool them?" He asked, watching me with a comfortable expression.
I shrugged. "Long story, lots of boring details."
"Indulge me," He insisted.
"Why should I?" I asked. He shrugged, mimicking me.
"I'm simply curious."
I hummed. "I bet you are."
He smirked. "Well, what can I say? It's just my nature." I nodded vaguely, continuing to stare out the window. We both knew how this would end. There was no real reason not to tell him.
"Sam Winchester and Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel..." I said their names thoughtfully, allowing the corner of my lips to twitch up into a sly smile. "They seem so simple at first glance. You have the poor unfortunate soul who lost so much yet kept his kindness, the perfect killer who spent his whole life at war, and the fallen angel who found a home. But if that was all there was then I never would have fooled them. However, for men who claim to be so faithless, there's so much they want to believe in."
"Whot do ye mean?" Felix asked, tilting his head. I smirked lazily. T
"I'll start with Sam. Sam is kind because he's damaged, but the last thing he is is a fool. When someone's good at unraveling lies, the last thing you do is give them a really big one to unravel. If you do that, then they'll cut right through and they'll figure you out easily. So, what do you do? You give them distractions. Hide puzzles within puzzles and Sam will stop to solve each one because he loves it. But how do you get him to ignore the big picture?" I stopped and grinned.
"It's easy really. All I had to do was appeal to his hate. Sam Winchester is so extraordinarily full of such raw and powerful hate, that if you simply aim it at a conceivable target, he can ignore anything else. And of course, with his hate blinding him to the truth, Sam can't figure out the lie. All one has to do to fool Sam is give him a puzzle to solve and something to hate.
"So, I made him hate you."
***
"How?" Castiel asked, tilting his head.
"It's Marty. We can't trust her," Sam said. Dean scoffed
"After all that lecturing earlier? Why the hell not?" He demanded. Sam took a nervous breath.
"Because she's been lying to us, Dean," He said. "I-I think she's been lying to us this whole time."
Dean's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you talking about, Sam?" His voice was tight and guarded.
"I talked to Felix after I saved the little girl," Sam admitted.
"You just stood there and talked to that son of a bitch! He's a sick, messed up, psychopath! Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Dean yelled. Sam held out his hands in a peacemaking gesture.
"I know w-what he is, Dean. A-and, believe me, I thought the same things you are now and I swear it was over the phone a-and all he did w-was tell me things. But-" Sam hissed through his teeth and tugged at his hair, seemingly at war with himself.
"But what, Sam?"
"I don't know. He- he just-"
"You don't know?!" Dean interrupted accusingly.
"H-He said things, alright! Felix told me things. Things about Marty. A-and they- they made - They just made so much sense! And I hate him just as much as you do and I don't wanna believe him but-" Sam's voice faltered and he shook his head seeming lost.
"What did he tell you?" Castiel pressed, gentle but still firm.
"He told me Martina killed his wife."
***
"Now, Dean? Dean's a little harder," I said as the driver made a sharp left-hand turn. "Dean's not just a hardened killer, though that's mostly what he wants people to see. He wants people to see the machine without a heart so no one will see how horrifically broken he really is." Thinking of what Dean was really like made me laugh and I flicked my gaze at Felix. "And believe me when I say that there's nothing that could fix him by now."
"But there's so much more to him than the killer and the brokenness. Dean's the righteous man who's never known a day away from war. There are so many things he wants so desperately. Dean dreams of walking peacefully along a beach yet he's never even been to one. For all he's never had Dean tries to give it to others. For all the blood and death he's seen he's remarkably full of love. Love is the key, really. Dean Winchester loves more powerfully than anyone I've ever met. If Dean loves someone he'll do anything for them.
"He sees my age and sees in me the child he never was. He sees me afraid and wants to provide me the protection no one gave him. He sees me flinch when someone yells and wants to offer me the security he never knew. He sees an orphan and wants to give me the parental love he never had. All one has to do to fool Dean Winchester is give him a child to love.
"So, I made him love me."
***
"And you believed him?" Dean scoffed. "Marty is a kid, Sam! She's a kid! Just a scared kid who needs our protection! Marty never could have done something like that."
"Why not?" Cas spoke up. All eyes snapped to the angel.
"BECAUSE SHE'S A KID!" Dean roared. Jack flinched away from him, he'd always hated when Dean yelled. It scared him. Though, this time Dean sounded less angry and more desperate. As if there was something he didn't want to believe. As if yelling the words would make them true.
"T-that's what I thought too. But what if we're wrong?" Sam asked.
"How could we be wrong?" Dean demanded.
"What if Marty's not a kid?" Sam carefully spoke, "What if she's not human?"
Dean shook his head. "No," He said, "No, you're wrong. I know what you're thinkin' and you're wrong." Jack shook his head too. There was no way... was there? Something itched at the back of his mind. He didn't know what it was. Did he want to?
"Dean, I know this is hard to accept, but we need to think this through," Sam said, holding his hands out beseechingly.
"We don't have time for that!" Jack spoke up. "Felix is going to kill Marty! We can't just let her die!"
Sam held up a hand. "He's not gonna kill her, not for a while. We have time."
"No, you don't get it! I promised I'd save her!" Jack said.
"Exactly!" Sam pointed out. "Jack, that's exactly what she wants! She's been planning this the whole time."
"What do you mean 'the whole time'?" Dean inquired, crossing his arms.
"Think back to the beginning, w-when we first met Marty," Sam said, walking them through it. "Why were we in Copper Harbor?"
"For a ghost hunt," Jack answered, impatience leaking through his tone.
"You're right, but there was another case there. What was it?"
"Blood was being stolen from the hospital..." Cas said slowly as if remembering.
"Exactly! Exactly." Sam took a breath. "Now, that ghost in the viral video, who was it? Was it whoever's bones we burned?"
"No, it was..." Jack made the connection. Why hadn't he noticed that before? "It was Isaac."
"Okay, so that means..." He trailed off.
"That Marty was lying about the hunt and the bones," Cas finished.
"Right, now why would she do that?"
"I dunno, professor. Maybe so we wouldn't torch her brother?" Dean rolled his eyes.
Sam pursed his lips, sighing. "Well, yes, b-but no! This isn't about Isaac, this is about Marty. What would she have been hiding?"
"The blood theft," Cas said decisively. Dean shook his head.
"That's a coincidence. Marty can't be - She can't-" He couldn't even say it. He could hardly think it. "Marty can't be a vampire."
***
"Castiel was harder," I continued. "Aside from the fact that he's a multi-billion-year-old cosmic being, Castiel also lacks a soul. That made tapping into his emotions significantly more difficult, but once I did that it was quite clear that I could never fool him. At least, not directly. He's intelligent, not easily deceived, and he always tries to do what he thinks is best. Whatever that course of action might be, more often than not, it hasn't been the right one.
"Castiel is, primarily, a screw-up. There's a lot of history and even more drama involving his fellow angels and the Winchesters, and he has consistently attempted to fight for both sides of the war between them. His torn loyalties have caused a great many more problems than they've fixed and it seems as though any attempt to fix one of said problems breeds yet more chaos. Castiel is rebellious. He can never seem to do what he's supposed to. So, naturally, that makes him the most dangerous piece on the board.
"When Castiel sets his mind on something, there isn't much that can sway him. His actions have proven, repeatedly I might add, that he is even willing to go behind the backs of the Winchesters if he believes it's for the greater good. But his destructive pattern stops only for the one person he's never betrayed. Thus, to fool Castiel one has to fool his son.
"So, I got my hands on Jack."
***
"Why not?" Cas snapped.
"'Cause she just can't!" Dean's voice broke.
"She single-handedly killed five vampires, Dean! Remember?" Cas pressed. "There's no way a mere child her age could have done that."
Jack shook his head, refusing to believe it. "Marty can't be a vampire. Dad, she just can't be."
Castiel sighed, his eyes soft. "I know you want to believe that."
"Why shouldn't we?" Dean challenged.
"Because she killed five vampires single handedly! What part of that escapes your understanding?!" Cas repeated with frustration.
"We don't know what happened in there!" Dean persisted.
"Exactly! WE DON'T KNOW!" Cas yelled.
"THEN WE CAN'T ACCUSE, CAN WE?" Dean shouted back. Jack flinched again and Cas took notice, forcibly relaxing his posture in hopes of reassuring his son.
Sam groaned. "Look at the facts, Dean. The research!"
"Damn the research, Sammy! This is Marty! We know her!"
"We know she's an empath!" Sam spat. "She's been playing with all our emotions, we know that! We need to look at this objectively and, as hard as that might be, it means looking at the facts!"
"What about the facts?" Dean asked reluctantly.
"Think about it," The younger brother said. "W-we did the research, remember? Remember how none of it lined up?"
"Yeah, because Felix messed with it!" Dean tried.
"Not all of it," Sam pointed out, "Marty said she was nine when she died, but her youngest brother was ten. Remember that? How could she have been younger than her youngest sibling?"
"Sam, that-"
"Because she wasn't, Dean," He hissed, "She wasn't nine. Marty was sixteen."
"I-I remember..." Dean froze, his eyes flicking up to meet his brother. "Sammy..." He said, his voice tense and shaking, "How did I forget that?"
Dread coated Castiel's tone as he answered instead.
"I think she wanted us to."
***
"Jack is a very special boy," I said, sarcasm lacing my tone. "Although, he is the offspring of a fallen archangel, so I'd assume that 'special' comes rather naturally. Thanks for that clue, by the way. It would have taken me much longer to figure him out if it wasn't for that itty bitty little detail."
"You would have gotten it regardless." Felix shrugged.
"Of course I would've!" I snorted, shaking my head. "I didn't think my abilities were of any question."
"They weren't," Felix replied. "I know what you're capable of, lassie."
I smirked devilishly. "You should." Felix's hand clenched into a fist and he sent me a tight smile.
"Indeed." He forced the word through his teeth. "Which is why I'm surprised you enlisted to lie to that boy so completely. Doesn't that violate whatever moral code of Donoghue's it is that you've adopted?" I nodded and shrugged with a sigh.
"You're right, it does. Jack is in many senses young and vulnerable and on top of that, he's dreadfully naïve. He could never deserve what I did to him." I huffed out a humorless laugh as my face twisted into a sneer. "But you do. So I made an exception."
Felix shook his head as if disappointed. "Now, now, Martina. When one has a goal, one does not make exceptions. Lest they desire to fail, of course. Only hypocrites make exceptions. Did I teach you nothing?"
"I'm not like you," I spat.
"Is that what it looks like from where you sit?" He mused quietly. I flashed him a barred toothed grin and continued.
"There's only one that Jack Kline truly wants in this world. He wants to be good - to prove to himself and those around him that despite his parentage, he can be good. He's been told that there's something wrong with him, so he wants to find a way to somehow purge it. But he can't because there's nothing wrong and there never was. Yet, he can't believe that. So it leaves him with an insatiable desire to please.
"It's pathetic, really. He seeks validation in everything. He thinks he has to be useful to be loved. Otherwise, he's just a burden, one that nobody wanted. Jack doesn't want to believe that; he wants to be told that isn't true. Jack Kline may be powerful but he's also soft - moldable if you will. See, he's so haplessly needy that it's honestly sickening. He'll do anything for you to tell him what he wants to hear. And he'll do anything to keep hearing it.
"Jack is a combination of his three guardians. He's desperate. Like Dean, he doesn't want to see what's right in front of him. But he's not stupid. I had to erase his memory more than once. Then, like Sam, I simply distracted him and, much like Castiel, I had to keep him in line by appealing to that insatiable need of his. To fool Jack Kline one has to give him someone to save.
"He thinks he's saving me." I smiled fondly when I'd finished, glancing up at Felix with a challenge in my gaze.
"Well, we both know that's impossible," He said, eyeing me with a smirk, "There's nothing left in that cold shell of yours worth saving." I grinned, showing him the insane thing he'd created.
"You're damn right."
***
Then, like a memory, there were words running through Jack's head. Words and voices, but he didn't remember hearing them.
'You said you were nine then! But y-you - you weren't!' That was his voice in his ears. But Jack couldn't remember saying those words. 'You haven't aged a day... Five years and you haven't aged a day.'
'I aged about a month, actually.'
The other voice was Marty. The words buzzed like static, making his headache. Jack shook his head. It was like Deja Vue but entirely more vivid. Sam, Dean, and Cas kept talking. It was hard to hear them through the ringing in his ears.
"Cas, are you saying she can wipe memories?" Dean asked.
"I'm not sure," Castiel replied, shaking his head. "But she can certainly suppress them."
"But it-it must only work when she's around b-because when she's gone - I know for me - When Marty's not around I-I start to remember," Sam said.
The ringing in Jack's ears intensified, making him groan and grasp at his head. He clamped his hands over his ears but the ringing only grew louder. It was like angel radio, but instead of being surrounded by fire, Jack felt like he was burning from the inside out.
"Jack?" Cas was calling his name. "What's going on?"
"I-I don't- I-" Jack gasped, the pain growing stronger. "It hurts! Dad, please make it stop!"
"Jack? JACK!"
He stumbled into Cas's arms as another blurred memory hit him like a train.
'I'm gonna need you to forget that,' Marty's voice whispered in his head. She sounded so gentle, so inviting. She sounded like a spider.
'I wish I could,' His own voice shook as Jack listened to himself say words he couldn't remember speaking. It felt like a memory that didn't belong to him.
There was more to it this time. There was a picture frame, but the picture inside was out of focus. There was an image. It was Martina. She had fangs. And there was something else too. Jack could feel it like a phantom pain. It was terror. The paralyzing kind. The feeling of being trapped. Jack felt the shadow of limbs and he couldn't move. He was trapped. Jack couldn't get out. He was trapped like a fly in a web. Marty was the spider. He couldn't get away. He couldn't get away from her.
She wouldn't let him.
'I can make you forget,' She was going to hurt him. ' Take us back to the night we met. '
'What do you mean?' His voice asked cautiously. He was scared. He was so scared. He couldn't get out.
'I'm going to talk to you, and then you're going to forget, and everything will be back to the way it was.'
'You're a monster.' He'd said
The ringing in Jack's ears faded and he bolted upright, gasping and shaking as panic set in. He needed to tell Sam, Dean, and Castiel what he'd remembered but he couldn't seem to find the words.
"S-She lied." That was all he could force out.
"Jack, what happened? Are you okay?" Castiel worried, checking over him. Jack just shook his head.
"She did something to me," He choked out, shaking. "I don't know. I can't remember. Why can't I remember? She did something to me!" He felt sick. There was something wrong with him.
No.
There was something wrong with Marty.
She was sick.
"What? What did she do?" Dean demanded, eyes wide.
"She-She made me forget. I knew. I-I knew and she made me forget!"
"Forget what?" Sam asked.
"I figured her out a-and she made me forget but I remembered." Jack stopped and only then did he realize he was crying. "She's one of them."
Because she had betrayed him. Marty had betrayed all of them. Jack didn't even know what to believe anymore. Had any of it been real? Or was it all some twisted lie?
"I'm sorry, Jack," Cas offered quietly.
"You were right, Sam," Jack whispered. He couldn't stop his voice from shattering. "Martina is a monster. A-And she lied."
There was silence for a moment. Then, Dean spoke up. Because someone had to take the lead and it was always him. It wasn't fair, but it was always him.
"We gotta go," He said, struggling to make his voice sound cold and firm. But he'd lost a daughter today.
"W-Where?" Sam asked.
"Me and Cas know where Felix is taking Marty. That kid's got some answering to do," Dean answered, his green eyes darkening with his tone. Castiel stood, helping Jack climb to his feet.
"Martina is dangerous, Dean. Are you sure you're willing to do what may be necessary?" Cas asked, watching Dean with a somber expression.
"It's not gonna come to that," Dean said.
"And if it does?"
"I will." Jack's voice was quiet but it caught the adult's attention.
"Jack, are you- Are you really sure?" Cas asked gently. Jack shook his head.
"I don't want to kill Martina. But you're right, she is dangerous." His voice faltered. "I can't let her hurt anybody else."
***
Felix's limo pulled into the garage of what was easily a multi-million dollar home. It was four stories and it reminded me of a castle with its dull grey stone and tall windows. The interior of the garage was constructed simply of polished cement and was entirely empty aside from the car now parked within it. I sent Felix a smirk and climbed from the vehicle, slamming the door shut behind me. The car was surrounded. Twenty or so of Felix's vamps stood guard but I knew they were more for display than anything else. Some of them I recognized, some I didn't.
"And here I thought this little girl's night was just gonna be you and me," I huffed dramatically upon seeing them, "You had me feeling all special."
"Sorry to disappoint, Lassie," Felix drawled. "But don't worry, I invited some of your friends too. Well, just one to be exact."
I shot him a curious glance but shrugged before sauntering my way past Felix's lackeys like I owned the place. I supposed I had, but that was so long ago. Were his minions really still so afraid of me? I surveyed one of the vamps as I passed him, taking notice of the bead of sweat dripping down his neck. He was clearly terrified.
So, they remembered who their queen was. Good.
Spinning on my toe like a ballerina, I let a bubbling laugh escape my throat. All of Felix's soldiers turned to face me, watching with careful eyes.
"Hello, Lovelies!" I called, grinning. A few of them shifted nervously. "Just thought you all should know, both your beloved Prince and Princess are dead! I killed them!" Murmurs spread around the empty garage, echoing off the polished grey walls. "That's right! Boyd's head I ripped off with a tractor, though I'm sure your leader was glad to finally be rid of his bastard son." I glanced at Felix who stood there stoically and winked. "I knew about that, by the way. As for Elwyn, I had the Devil's son snap her into dust like Peter Parker in Infinity War. 'Cept she ain't comin' back!" I giggled in reaction to the horrified expressions of Felix's soldiers and send the man himself a smirk before whipping around again.
"Ye know, Martina?" His voice made me pause though I kept my back to him. "I look at you and I don't see anyone looking back..." He trailed off, his tone thoughtful. "Where is that soul you used to have?"
"Just like I told your daughter, I lost it in the woods in favor of something else. You wanted me to learn something and I learned it!" I eyed him over my shoulder. "You never should have sent me there."
"I know that now." Felix sounded almost solemn. "Whatever Sampson brought back with him wasn't the girl I tossed in, was it?"
I shrugged. "That's where you're wrong. It's still me. Like I said, I just learned something over there is all."
"And what did you learn?" He wondered.
"That you were wrong."
"It doesn't seem I was," He said. I chuckled softly.
"You said I was made to be a queen. You were wrong."
"Aye?"
"I'm not a queen, Monroe." I turned to face him. "I'm a damn Empress." I grinned. "And, honey, you should see me in your crown."
I didn't bother to watch his expression. I just turned and walked.
Pushing my way through the garage door, I skipped down a long, dark hallway decorated with dark wooden pieces that I was sure had cost more money than they were worth. I smirked upon hearing Felix's footsteps trailing behind me. Whirling around and walking backward, I grinned at my former torturer.
"Got anything you didn't wanna say in front of your minions?" I taunted.
"I do, actually." He huffed a laugh that held no humor. "For the record, I'm sorry."
My expression soured. "No you're not."
"I am, truly." He placed his hand over his heart in a gesture of sincerity. "I apologize for my greed and my stupidity. I unleashed you upon this world; that will be my greatest regret, I think. I made you into a plague and I lost control over you."
"You never controlled me," I hissed.
"And I the second I realized that I should have put you down," Felix said. "I just hope the Winchester's don't make the same mistake."
I shook my head. "That's the think, Felix. They will."
"Perhaps. Perhaps not." He shrugged.
"I guess I'll find out, won't I? So! Where's this friend of mine?" I asked, rubbing my hands together.
"Two doors down on your right," Felix answered. I glanced at the door he was referring to then back to him.
"Ooh, goodie. Before I open it, why do I get a present?"
Felix shrugged. "Call it a joke."
I nodded. "Dope."
Then I skipped over to the dark wooden door and grasped the handle. It wasn't locked, of course, so I pulled it open. I didn't look for traps. I knew Felix would never stoop that low. The room was pitch black and there were no windows, but I found the light switch easily enough. Bright fluorescent bulbs flicked on and washed the space with light.
Sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of the room, was a rather muscular man. His arms and legs were tied to the chair and his head was tilted down. I may not have been able to see his face, but I would have recognized that old, grungy cap almost anywhere. I crossed the space between us and tapped him on the shoulder. The man inclined his head, squinting against the light, but when he caught a glance of my face, his usually bright eyes filled with terror.
I had forgotten how fun it was to instill that level of fear. I smirked.
"Hey there, Benny! I haven't seen you since the Hunger Games!"
~We'll never get free Lamb to the slaughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water? The price of your greed Is your son and your daughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water?
Beg me for mercy Admit you were toxic You poisoned me just for Another dollar in your pocket Now I am the violence I am the sickness Won't accept your silence Beg me for forgiveness~
Lyrics from: Blood In The Water by grandson
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Twisted Fate
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Cancer, both Bucky and reader have cancer, Major Character death, brief hospital terms mainly reffering to cancer treatment. References to amputation.
A/N: This was written for the lovely @eurynome827​ 2k celebration. I got a lovely quote of lyrics from Hadestown, which I wanted to do something that was based off of the musical, but I couldn’t figure anything out. Then I had a big anniversary come up and this was came out instead. It’s very angsty, I cried a lot, and well I hope you like it.
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The low, steady hum of the fan fills the awkward silence. The psychiatrist, newly assigned to the case, still doesn’t feel comfortable. “Case number 32557038” was widely known in the health care center. The whispers and rumors floated their way down the hall, past the copy machine, filling the office with this chilling tale. Some regarded it as a terrible series of bad luck, others thought it was an act of some benevolent God, pouring his rage on this poor couple. Dr. Breynord, after reading the notes on the file, Breynord knew that this case was perhaps the worst case of bad luck she ever saw in her career, and, maybe it was her stubbornness or naive belief in medicine, but Dr. Breynord was going to help this poor man get the peace he so desperately needs.
“James,” Dr. Breynord’s voice breaks the silence of the office, “I’ve read what my colleagues had to say about your case, but, I’d like you to tell me what has happened if you feel comfortable.”
Shifting in his seat, James sighs, with a small nod of the head, he starts at the beginning.
Bucky Barnes was used to change. Granted, it was other people’s change, but it was still change nonetheless. The poor folks that sat next to him each clinic visit changed, his caretakers changed, it seemed as if the whole world changed around him, while he was stuck in some perpetual hell. Every day dragged out in the same dull, and nauseating feeling, and at times, Bucky felt he was in an endless loop, forsaken by some deity he didn’t believe in. But, for however long Bucky has left in this fallen and cruel world, he’ll remember when you walked in, shattering the miserable purgatory he was banished to, he’ll always remember the day you changed his life.
It happened during his first transfusion session after his surgery. His arm, still wrapped in bandage, IV tubing leading straight to his heart, pumped his body full of liquids, as he waited for the toxic poison to enter his body. He always found it ironic, the “medicine” that was supposed to save his life, that was too dangerous for the nurses to touch with their bare hands, was willingly flushed into his body. Hair loss, mouth sores, and muscle aches were the better side effects. He can’t help but think about what is coming, especially as he sees his nurse, Thor, come over with the freshly made batch of poison [STRIKE THROUGH], chemotherapy as his doctor would want him to call it. Hanging the bag on his IV pole, Thor looks over at Bucky, giving him the “I’m going to go on a rant about something you should care about” look. 
“Now James, we’re getting a new patient today. It’s their first transfusion. They’re going to be sitting in the pod next to you. I swear to the gods, I best not hear another complaint about your attitude.”
“Me? An attitude? No, I think you got me confused with someone else. I’m the brightest little ball of sunshine here!” Bucky can’t help but chuckle. It’s not his fault he wasn’t a “warrior”, blasting “Fight Song” 24/7, as he sips on a kale smoothie with coffee suppositories shoved up his ass. T
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Barnes,” Thor shakes his head as he cleans up his station, “don’t think I won’t throw your bald ass out of here. That cancer sob story, won’t work on me.” 
Bucky goes back to his phone, already feeling the effects of the chemo. No matter how many anti-nausea meds they fed him, Cisplatin always makes him sick. So, he had the right to act like a grumpy old grandpa. While he scrolls through his social media feed, seeing all the accomplishments, brags, and just shit of his friends, Bucky hears your sniffles, as you make your way down to the end of the Oncology clinic, taking a seat next to Bucky. Even if Thor hadn’t given him the heads up, he would have known you were fresh meat. One infusion, his mom asked him how he could tell. It was easy for Bucky, it all had to do with the eyes. A cancer diagnosis shatters you. It kills all hope, light, and goodness that’s in you. You turn completely numb to the world, to the point where your own wailing and sobs feel muted. Bucky saw all of that in your eyes. Behind the puffy, redness, saw the shards of hope, the fear of the unknown. Before you could reach your seat, you stumble, spilling your possessions that you carried all over the floor. Bucky watches quietly as you quickly pick up your items, collapsing into the chair next to him. 
“Sorry I couldn’t give you a hand, only have the one,” he wiggles his stump, and he's met with silence. Talk about a rough crowd, he thinks, his nephews love his stumpy jokes. “So,” Bucky continues, “what are you in for? I’m a sarcoma, in the arm.” You sniffle as you turn your body to look at this new man.
“Leukemia,” you confess, voice barely above a whisper. It takes a real effort to say it out loud because then it makes all of this real.
“That’s good then,” the “sarcoma” man says to you, and Bucky can see the confusion, and pain on your face.
“How is that good? How is cancer good?”
Using his arm, Bucky points around the room, giving you a tour of the room.
“See him, that’s Riley, he has an inoperable brain tumor. That young kid, with the Switch? His name is Peter, his body is chemo resistant. So yeah, leukemia is good. If you haven’t learned it yet, not all cancers are made equal.”
“Oh,” you barely make out. What were you supposed to say to that? 
=====
Much to Bucky’s surprise, he actually enjoyed having your company. Your treatments lined up and so you both got to know each other well. Bucky enjoyed having someone close to his age that understood his problems. And it also didn’t hurt that you had such a great personality, you got Bucky’s dark humor (and it went without saying that you understood it was his way of coping), and you looked great. Not many people can rock a bald head. And Bucky has seen his fair share, and he can say with confidence, you rocked it. Not covering it up with caps, scarves, or wigs. Because why should you hide away? For the first time since his diagnosis, Bucky had a purpose. So, while his immune system allowed him to leave the house, he picked up a bouquet of fake flowers (neutropenia life, am I right?) and a box of chocolates to take with him to the next transfusion. When he got to the clinic, Bucky was a bit worried to see that you weren’t next to him. Instead, there sat Barb, 75 years old with breast cancer. 
“Oh sweetie, are those for me?” Barb looks at the flowers in Bucky’s hand. 
“No!” He snaps, as closes the curtain that surrounds his chair. He hears some huffs and complaints from Barb, but frankly, he doesn’t give a damn. Bucky only has one thing on his mind: you. 
“Are you alright? You’re not here at Club Med” Bucky texts as quickly as his one hand would let him. Dropping his phone, Bucky stares at it all while the nurses prep him. And because of damn, HIPAA, none of the nurses can tell him where you’re at. Minutes turn into hours, and by the time Bucky’s infusion ends, you still haven’t responded to him or shown up at the clinic. 
“Hope you’re okay. Call or text me. I'm worried” Bucky sighs, realizing how much you made his chemo treatments more bearable. How your laugh could make him forget of the poison he had to take, or how the light in your eyes could make him forget, even just for a bit, how much his arm stump was hurting. You were a drug, more potent than any he’s had before, and Bucky was becoming addicted. He’s picking at the hamburger he got for dinner, not having much of an appetite when his phone goes off. Seeing it’s from you, he rushes to answer. 
“Y/N! I… Where were you? I missed you today. I had to sit by Barb and…” The sounds of your cries cut Bucky off. 
“Are you okay?”
“No, Buck. I… Got some bad news today.” 
“Where are you?” He asks. He knows you’re alone, and speaking from experience, you never want to be alone when you get bad news. He knows from experience.
“Buck…” you sigh, “It’s fine. Really.” 
“Please, Y/N, I know what it’s like to be alone after getting this kind of news. Please, let me be there for you.” Breaking further down into tears, you cry at Bucky’s actions, actions of love. 
“I’ll send you my address,” Bucky gathers the flowers and chocolates as he rushes to your apartment, breaking a few traffic laws to get there faster. When he gets there, the image of you, opening the door, eyes swollen from crying breaks his heart. 
“Oh, Y/N,” Bucky sweeps you into his arm, as he closes the door behind, “tell me what’s going on hun.” 
You both sit on the couch, the bag with the flowers and chocolate lay at your feet, as you stay in Bucky’s embrace. 
“I’m… I’m dying Buck!” You manage to say in-between odds. “Dr. Fair... gave me three months to live. There’s nothing else they can do.” You break down in his arms, that last straw finally breaking, as you tell your newfound best friend, the person you were supposed to beat cancer with. Bucky tries his best to remain strong, to be the rock, the foundation you need, but you’re not the only one that is losing a friend. You sit in each other's embrace, as you mourn. You cry for all the missed opportunities, laughs, and memories that won’t be made. 
“What am I going to do,” you whisper, your voice hoarse from crying. 
Kissing your head, Bucky pulls you in closer, “we, are going to make these three months, the best three months you’ve ever had.”
Bucky lives up to his promise, spending every hour he isn’t in the hospital with you. The time you spent together changed your relationship. Neither had to officially say the words to make your relationship official. It was just you, and Bucky. Holding each other close, as the tempest waged on, trying to beat you into submission. You go on walks in the park, picnics, and one night when you both had the energy, went skinny dipping. Your logic being, what are the cops going to do? Arrest two cancer patients, with one of them being terminal? You threw caution to the wind and simply lived. Lived, breathed, and loved. Things seemed to be perfect until reality hit.
Your body wasn’t keeping up. Your cancer was spreading faster than they predicted. The doctors couldn’t give you an explanation as to why the cancer was spreading so fast. It shouldn’t have been. Soon, home hospice came, to try to make you more comfortable. And like the good partner he was, Bucky spent every minute by your side. That’s why, when you felt the inevitable coming, you felt your body give in to the tiredness of fighting, you grab Bucky’s hand. 
“I love you, James Bucky Barnes,” you weakly say, giving him one last affirmation, as you went to sleep, for one last time. 
As Bucky wakes up from his nap, feeling your cold body, he tries to ruse you back awake. Once he realizes what has happened, the last bit of humanity inside of Bucky snapped. He lets out a blood-curdling scream, as tears stream down his face. He strikes your face, pleas escape his mouth. Pleas to you, to a God he has long stopped believing in. His body shakes, his tears wetting your hair, as he holds you for one last time. 
=====
“Oh James,” Dr. Breynord grabs herself a tissue before handing Bucky the box of tissues. “I truly am so sorry to hear that. I want you to know that I am here to help you get happy again, and to heal.”
Bucky sighs and turns away from the doctor as he wipes his eyes. “You’re just like the rest of them. You didn’t listen to me.” 
Breynord was surprised that this was Bucky’s complaint. The other doctors had warned her that Bucky could be sarcastic, standoff-ish, and even flat-out rude to them. Breynord thought she did a good job listening to his story, what did she miss.
“I… I don’t think I understand what you mean, James.”
Bucky lets out a heartless, empty laugh, “you want me to be happy again. I’m never going to be. Not only do I have to live with the guilt of surviving, when she died, in my arms, but I’ll also never find another soul like hers. We had a connection, you know. It felt like we met before. When I held her in my arm, and her arms would wrap around me, it felt like I had the whole world in my arms. I didn’t need anything else when I had Y/N.” 
“So tell me doc, what’s the point of carrying on?”
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corvixa · 3 years
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I am alive! Long, rambly post ahead.
So. I did a thing. After 2 or 3 years on a waiting list of therapy, I got it. Good right? Ahuh...
A weekly appointment at 10.30 am is apparently my kryptonite.
It was fine at first, but I got utterly sidelined with the cumulative effect and the fact I wasn't able to reset my energy. But, I was determined like, I'd breakthrough.
Uh. That did not happen. All I could do was attend that appointment. For the first time since I started writing again post house explosion, I couldn't even write. I managed to not some ideas down. Carry on a few plots in my head. Still, even with my insomnia, I was stuck with my facemask on, desperately trying to get enough energy to eat, and occasionally failing even that.
After I had to take a break for a few weeks running for dental appointments and Covid Vaccines, I gained enough energy back to do that look around and reflect thing.
Hell, I might not have been perfect before this, but I enjoyed things. I chatted with friends. I lurked in the Stark Tower discord plotting new ideas. I got to write. I got to do real-world hobbies. I got to spend time awake with my partners!
So, after my vaccine and several days with a very high fever, I kind of decided. Fuck it. This isn't worth it. I have clawed my little part of this world out, and I am not going to lose it.
Sometimes you have to weigh up the cost-benefit analysis. What good may come from these 16 appointments was utterly stopper by the bomb dropped on my life. So I came out of my fever cave of blankets, had an incredibly hot bath and decided this wasn't working.
The early appointment alone was killing me; I am crepuscular by nature. Not being sarcastic there; this is how I have dealt with severe levels of insomnia since age 12. I tried being an average human that wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night for decades, and it didn't work. I am most active after 11 pm, and I nap during the day. It's not a perfect fix; if it were, the Gold series would literally not exist as that is my Insomnia in a cape. However, sleeping at least once in a 24 hour period nearly every day is THE WIN. Being not awake at 10.30 am, but already at an appointment, where I was expected to be coherent? Weekly? With no variable illnesses? Even the stint in hospital I had was around me making these appointments... Not getting better from fall.
Honestly, I have no idea what past me was thinking, but after they went to 2 or 3 appointments and didn't feel too bad, they committed hard to this course of action. That was a mistake that I thought I had learned a long time ago, that assessing the work-life balance is critical. This might not be work, but it was the same thing.
So, How am I doing? Better. Not aces, but the Covid fever of doom made me miss last weeks appointment. The week before, it was the Covid.2 Jab and today I had the dentist.
And this morning, before my dental appointment, I started writing. My partners were over the moon. I am not back on full capacitor yet, but I am clawing my way back. Heck, I felt alive enough to prat about in the garden as my partner wanted to take a few pics of me given my pairing of BRIGHT TOXIC GREEN tights and lace trousers. I realised I hadn't set foot in the garden since this therapy thing started. My dog, Loki, was bouncing around like a loon bringing me every stashed ball he could find.
If anything gives you clarity, it's the excitement of a collie confronted with man balls, your partner's joy at you starting something you love again and actually feeling like a human being.
Ness is calling the therapy people when she gets the social confidence points required to deal with bombing me out of this whilst being my stalwart wall, so I don't get bullied onto the phone (hello, Hemiplegic Migraine) or guilted back into just trying a few more sessions.
It's not like my therapist was bad. He was cool. He dealt with this ADHD, Autistic, Severe Insomniac, Asexual weirdo and never once questioned any of these identifiers. I just don't have the energy to do anything back to back, week after week, at 10.30 am—even fun things.
So, I am probably going to sleep a lot. I am not back to my previous form yet; my Hubs is saying I made it out of the cave, but I still have Palladium Poisoning because apparently, I have infected his brain to think of things in Iron Man metaphors.
This is a bit all over, but I felt like I wanted to get it down. Especially for anyone worried about my sudden absence.
TLDR, the road to hell is lined with good intentions; sometimes the good thing becomes the bad thing, sometimes you lose yourself trying to do things the right way, and everything ends up wrong. Sometimes the right thing is the thing people see as wrong. All I know is that I wrote something for the first time this morning because of insomnia, and I couldn't be happier. My mind is starting to pick up speed again, this dense dog of confusion, exhaustion and pain is clearing, and I have goals.
Which I think is what really matters, right?
Oh, side note, some things did get done whilst I was busy being a zombie. After nearly 3 decades of waiting, at 33 (yeah, I've wanted to change my name a long ass time.) I got my name changed! So I can sign this off in a way that makes me smile. I dropped my old first name, and took my first middle name as my new forname. (I was, and still am, one of those ginormous name people.) I also went back in history and timestoned my surname. (So, I was named utterly after my dad. Literally, I have the female version of his name >.< but I wanted to keep that connection to my genealogy whilst not having my dads name.) Boom.
Enjoy the earlier mentioned pictures of me pratting about in the garden. I am a photographer. I do not know how to pose. What you are seeing is sarcasm 😅. (If you want to know where the fabulous tights came from, Google Snag Tights. They are truly a miracle and a gift from the Gods. They have actual sizes and don't tear after one wear, even if you are more leg than human. So you stretch and destroy tights by walking.)
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- Morgan / M-Mac-C
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