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#i mean maybe that's where some people's disappointment stems from
jakeperalta · 11 months
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I have to say that for me none of this has been about expecting taylor to listen to fans about her personal life. no part of me expects her to go "oh look the fans aren't happy about my boyfriend I better break up with him". it all stems from the fact with it happening in the first place. I'm not disappointed that she's doing something I personally don't want (my opinion on her life is unimportant!) I'm disappointed that someone I'm a fan of is acting in a way that totally opposes the values she's previously preached. it's just the sinking feeling that she's showing her true colours and they don't entirely align with what I thought.
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mitzysmitzy · 5 months
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Twst Headcanon/Speculation/Theory thingy where Neige has abandonment issues based on crumbs Idk. (pleasee tell me if i phrased some things wrong or got some misinfo on certain things. also feel free to add your thoughts!!)
cw for: mentioned/implied child neglect
Short Version: The LeBlanche parents are probably absent and or neglectful (or worse, dead) and Neige has abandonment issues now because of it.
Long Version:
So we know that Neige lived with the Dwarfs since they were children, and that Neige leave rehearsals early to do chores at home. As mentioned by Vil in Book 6
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(Translation by Otome Ayui on Youtube)
So like, where are his parents? Or guardians, for that matter? Why is a child out here raising themselves, and seven other children? Maybe Neige does have parents but they're neglectful, or absent.
I don't wanna go so far as to say they might be dead since we don't have enough proof of that yet. But still.
What if Neige acts all cute and nice because he's afraid of disappointing others and then leaving him, and this stems from the fact that he was pretty much alone as a child, and doesn't want people to abandon him again.
To be clear, I think Neige's friendly, relatable personality IS real, and he is genuinely a good person (I despise those posts where they make Neige deceivingly nice) he just doesn't know how to set boundaries because he doesn't want to disappoint his fans and the people around him.
Maybe Neige does know that Vil doesn't like him, and that hurts because Neige really sees Vil as a friend, and knowing that Vil doesn't like him is terrifying to him because that means he'll leave him.
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lakemetaphor · 26 days
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I just wanna talk about Tomura for a second. And yes, this is about the 419 leaks and how they've been bouncing around in my head for the past 24 hours. And I apologize in advance for how long this is probably going to be. 🫠
Something about it has been bothering me, and not from a writing stand point, I actually think it's written very well. But instead, it's that it's kind of left me with this weird, almost gross feeling every time I look at those panels. That visual of AFO reaching out to baby Tenko is disturbing in such a way that it's hard to really put it into words at first.
For not one second of his life, has Tomura known peace. Since his birth, All for One has literally had his hands on him. Tomura has just been told that his entire life was preplanned, down to his literal birth. And not once has anything he's done, said, felt, believed, or hoped for has been his own. Everything he's ever wanted has been the result of AFO meddling, even if he wasn't aware. And when he finally got his conviction, the thing that became his primary driving force as a villain, it had stemmed from his childhood.
His father abusing him, his quirk and the result of that awakening, and being ignored by people on the streets. Which, we don't have confirmation that AFO had anything to do with that last part, but the result still stands.
And I know a lot of people are iffy on the execution. That everything that happened to Tenko/Tomura was orchestrated by AFO so now his character means nothing and his journey was for nothing. And all I can think is, it takes a special kind of writer to weave a character in such a way that the audience is feeling that same dread, disappointment, and hopelessness that that character themselves is feeling at the reveal.
Just last chapter (418), we had Tenko/Tomura say flat out that he has to believe he chose to kill his family or none of it makes sense. He doesn't understand why he was born this way. He doesn't like the idea that it might not have been of his own control. He needs there to be a reason. And the reason he attributed to it his entire life, his way of coping with that fact, had been the lie AFO fed him that he was born for destruction. And that is what became his driving force.
Something that we, the audience, have been made aware of during Tomura's origin chapters. AFO tells him to embrace the power to destroy, as that is what his impulses tell him to do. He is the one who puts that idea into his head.
So, really, like Tomura, we were all gaslit by AFO into believing that Tomura wanted to destroy hero society and the world, just like he did his family.
And I can see why that can be a disappointment, or why it can feel like wasted time. Because AFO has just told us it was. Which is what I mean by us, the audience, being able to experience Tomura's emotions with him.
Which shows just how good of a character Tomura is. That this reveal can happen and we feel angry, and betrayed, and like everything we experienced was for nothing. We feel hopeless. How do you come back from this? Where does a character go from here? What is the solution?
And, I don't know, I'm not writing this story, but I have some thoughts about it.
The main one being that Tomura is still a person. He still lived a life. His life. Regardless of how and why he was born, where he lived, who raised him, he still existed. And maybe he was never meant to be alive. Maybe he could have grown up a normal child had his quirk not been messed with. But the fact remains that, he didn't. At the end of the day he still lived the life he did. Regardless of why it happened.
He can still feel the feelings associated with that upbringing. He can still speak on those experiences. Because they are his own. They happened through his eyes, to his body, in his mind. And, as much as AFO wants to take credit for their origins, it was still Tomura who had to live them. There is only so much of a person you can control. You can guide them in a direction, encourage them towards a specific goal, give them all the tools and pretend it was fate, but you cannot control how they react to it and what they take back from it as a result.
And I think it's possible that Tomura will realize that is the case. Most notably, it could (and I think should) come from his memories of the League. AFO didn't tell him to believe in Twice and Toga when they went to sabotage Overhaul. He didn't make him bond over video games with Spinner. He didn't plant the idea in his head to ask for sushi from the MLA because of a one off conversation with Compress.
Maybe AFO had some say in who joined the League when it was first forming. Maybe he was the one who told Tomura to make it in the first place (I'm pretty sure he was). But nothing he could say or do or touch could make Tomura connect with them the way he did. The friends he made and the bonds he formed and the person he became while he was with them, was still his own. And I think that would be a great way to resolve Tomura as a character.
Because, even if he wasn't technically a failure of hero society like the rest of them, even though all of the hatred he had for the world has been diminished into the fault of AFO, at the end of the day, it was Tomura who decided he wanted to be a hero to the villains.
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simlit · 8 months
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All odd numbers for Kyrie!😁
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What memory would your OC rather just forget?
I think he'd wish he could forget that he was given to the church as a baby. Not necessarily because he wants to reunite or even know his birth parents, he doesn't. But it's a constant reminder that he, quite literally, doesn't belong there. That he was given away as if he was a tool or some material good. It's just a lot to carry around with you.
What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?
Fear of failure. Something that has only recently made itself evident to him (and me lol). In a way, he's a people pleaser. He doesn't want to disappoint those around him. He fears the ripple of consequences that might stem from his domino falling first, and doesn't want to be the person responsible for a larger collapse, so he sort of keeps to his duty as a cog, despite how he might not align with the objective.
How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?
I would say... not very. He's lazy, certainly, but he's also sheltered, incredibly inexperienced, and lacks the means to get what he wants through pure brute strength, power or smarts. That being said, if the obstacle is something he can overcome, I think he'd be more inclined to actually try.
What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?
I made Kyrie almost as a blank slate so that I could easily adapt him to the circumstances of the story. Because CotS is both interactive and filled with characters I didn't create, he had to be someone who could blend well with all types of people, and not have many "hardstops" so to speak, morally or otherwise. But along the way I've tried to make someone who is an "open template" entertaining, and I think Kyrie's almost lackadaisical unbothered humor emerged from all of ~that~. I didn't go in planning him to be such a huge fucking troll, but I'm glad he has his "thing". In a story with so many strong personalities, it would have been easy to get overtaken by the other cast members.
Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?
"That's abominable." Because it's just so damn funny.
What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?
Yes, he has one, and no he doesn't use it. And it's been called into question multiple times in the story, and I still don't think a damn one of them knows the actual truth yet lmao. It's funnier that way. It wouldn't save him from getting murdered, obviously. It would probably just get him murdered faster.
If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?
Absolutely. If he wasn't so hot. Because honestly every time I look at him I just want to punch him in the face so 100% the conversation would go no where and I'd get arrested.
Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?
No he doesn't.
What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?
I kind of... took his sister. Mean Jade go grr. I have this terrible habit of killing off loving sisters. I leave the bad ones though. Elsera says hi.
How does your OC behave when enraged?
He's one of those awful people who just gets stoic and civil when angry. As Tay said while having the absolute pleasure of being on the other end of it: that's probably worse. He's not been confronted with a situation that would make him exceptionally angry though, i.e. nothing life or death, so maybe that would change.
Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?
He doesn't.
What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?
I think it would be loss. Which I guess is a generic answer, since it's pretty typical of human nature not to handle loss well. But I think when you have so very little in your life that is truly meaningful, then you're grasping at straws and have nothing to distract you from your grief. I think in the story currently, he's in a constant state of bracing. Trying to remain outwardly hopeful even though his body is already starting to reject the premise that things will turn out well, and that putting so much mental strength into denying it, degrades his focus in other facets of his life. Outside of the few moments where he's truly and genuinely amused, I do feel he's starting to lose himself under the pressure he would have, otherwise, been able to stand against without hesitation. I can't really imagine him in a place where he has to accept that loss is real, and I don't know how or if he can cope with it when it does.
What is your favorite thing about your OC?
I love what a huge fuckin TROLL he is. Sorry, it's so entertaining to me. It's one of my main reasons for preferring him with ~certain~ members of the cast. Mostly the ones who are ripe for riling up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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torukmaktoskxawng · 3 months
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If Kayla had a best friend that went to pandora with her what do you think they would do and talk about? (*'ω'*)
What the heck I love this question!
I never really planned on getting in-depth about Kayla's life back on Earth, so the idea that she would have a best friend who followed her to Pandora is so new and cute to me! Let's get into it!
(Small tsamsiyu ta'em fic announcement down below.)
Tbh, this might stem from if me, myself, and I were best friends with Kayla ☺️
For one, her friend would probably be bold and blunt. They know how to give her head a shake when Kayla, in turn, does the same to Jake.
They would likely come with her to Pandora whether she wanted them to or not because they know her enough to know that she wouldn't be coming back, alive or dead.
Whether or not they're military/scientist, the possibility that they might get an avatar as well is slim to none. Not everyone who works for RDA has an avatar, after all. For Kayla, it was for a special circumstance, so even though she gets one, it doesn't mean her friend will.
When Kayla eventually sneaks away so that both her avatar and human bodies are safe with Jake at High Camp, she would 100% convince her friend to come with her.
I did have some readers disappointed that Kayla didn't immediately punch Jake upon reuniting with him. Rest assured, her best friend WILL punch him.
If I were to take the angst route: maybe her friend DOESN'T sneak away with her to High Camp. Maybe her friend believes in the RDA and hopes for all of humanity to eventually live on Pandora. Maybe Kayla and her friend would eventually become sworn enemies.
If her friend goes with her to Awa'atlu, they IMMEDIATELY notice Tonowari and Ronal:
"Did you see how good looking the Metkayina leaders are?"
Kayla: Shut up.
They know that Kayla's noticed, too, and can't help but rub it in a little:
"How interesting that Ronal keeps whisking you away for even the most miniscule task."
"Did Tonowari just try to mediate between you and Jake?"
"Looks like Ronal is making her way over here. Act natural."
Kayla: I am.
"No, you're not. You're acting stupid-- on second thought, that is you being natural."
"Where were you today?"
Kayla: Tonowari was giving me a hand with the fishing net I was weaving.
"Oh, yes, I've seen the way you stare at Tonowari's hands. His very large, strong hands. You always did like people who could snap you in half."
Kayla: You're a terrible person.
Them, in their best Stiles Stilinski impression: "I know, it keeps me up at night."
Norm and Kayla's friend almost immediately bond over how annoyed they are of Kayla and Jake's inherited idiocy.
And yes, they end up becoming the best aunt/uncle/pibling to Spider, and then eventually to Ao'nung and Tsireya.
~~~~~~~~~
I guess I'm using this ask to announce that, in chapter sixteen, I do have plans for Kayla to make a new friend in the Metkayina clan. I think you'll like them 🥰
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texasbama · 1 year
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I'm one of the few who dislike Buck's current story line, but Connor and his wife make it so much worse to enjoy. It's probably intended, but they're so manipulative and ungrateful in their two episodes of appearance. Them coming to his workplace definitely feels like them cornering Buck so that he'd go with it already, especially with their raised voice as if they want people to know, and then had the gall to say "I'm sorry if it makes it awkward for you" as if coming there didn't do that. Feels more and more like they want to specifically have a good-looking white kid, no?
And they're dragging it until 6B? I' sorry for those who enjoy it, but I HATE that decision.
Them showing up to his job and ambushing him was completely uncalled for. The reason the 118 now knows is a direct result of that.
Now. Here is where my issue (and not really an issue more so just a tiny grievance) comes in with this sperm donor situation and I will try and articulate this the best way I can. I was on board with the storyline and still am! It was so outta left field but I could see how a story like this could work for Buck!
However, so far in the two episodes we’ve gotten this story it has been through a comedic lens and that annoys me. I mean yea its funny, Buck cant jerk off haha. He intentionally hadn’t told anyone but Hen and then Conner and his wife accost him at work so now everyone knows. And while that scene in the truck was HILARIOUS, I was hoping that when his family found this out that SOMEONE would’ve been like “ummm Buck…maybe lets talk about this” and I know we kinda got that with Hen but even then they were drunk! And they do that quite a bit for Buck’s situations. Its used for comedic relief and that kinda frustrates me? I know he’s the golden retriever and he’s a bit of a himbo but it would seem like this is a serious situation that should be taken as such? Buck and his feelings and situations are quite often dismissed or used for laughs and that’s disappointing because that boy has been on the verge of a breakdown for so long now and I am still hoping that we are going that route.
And to be clear, my desire for a more serious Buck storyline does not mean I don’t love what we’ve gotten for the other characters. Yall know I’m an Eddie stan account! And I LOVE that we’ve gotten Bathena/Madney/Henren storylines! This disappointment doesn’t stem from lack of Buck on my screen, simply the lack of depth in which his story has if that makes sense?
Now with all of this said, I realize that it’s only been 2 episodes and that stories progress over time, trust me I know. Which is why I said earlier that its a small grievance with the story so far. Now that we know the Buckley parents are making a return in 6B, my wish is that this leads to some serious moments for Buck. I want him to have some self realizations about himself and what he wants. I hope his parents coming to town means we get to explore that relationship further cause we all know how much them and his upbringing effected/continues to effect him.
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theclearblue · 3 months
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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...
I have, but luckily I enjoy gushing about some of my favorite characters aksjdklkgl so I'm happy to answer again! Last time I just listed some but this time I'll 1. Do a limit of one per series and 2. Give an actual description of why I love them. Also I'm so sorry this will be mostly animanga characters just because these characters stick in my head easier for some reason? My memory is truly awwwwful. (Also also this is by no means a definitive list or order, just some that I really really like).
Zoro (One Piece)
I feel like I've talked a fair length about Sanji and Robin and why I love them so much, but I have a little bit of a difficult time with Zoro. Fun fact before I started watching one of the few things I knew was that he was a fan favorite an was determined that I wouldn't like him that much, he's the "cool and badass and broody" one and I thought he was gonna be the kind of character similar to Megumi (JJK) or maybe Bakugou (MHA) both who I like but it's not favorite archetype. But then I realized. He's just a Guy. a Silly Guy. My man is stupid in such interesting and unique ways ajfdklsl. But what I REALLY love about his character is , yeah, he is kind of broody and reserved, but it seems more like a burden he puts on himself in order to protect the people he loves rather than a true reflection of himself. He cares SO much about the people that he loves and it's clear to me that his greatest fear is not being strong enough to protect them. His "I need to get stronger" attitude honestly seems to stem a looot from his anxieties and maybe even trauma around losing Kuina at such a young age. Ok I could talk forever about him and it's actually not difficult to pin down why I love him but I'll end it there.
2. Kenjaku (JJK)
I've kind of built a bubble within my online presence where I don't really see the vitriol, but I know this is REALLY not a popular opinion, and a lot of people are confused as to why I really like them (biggest offender is my sister who gives me shit for this constantly lmao). And I get it! Kenjaku is genuinely vile in what they have done (particularly as Kamo Noritoshi) and what they're trying to do with the merger. By all means he shouldn't (isn't) supposed to be likeable. But they REALLY captured my attention when I caught up to JJK back in August and read the Culling Games arc in full. For starters, silly guy, and I love silly guys (see above example). They're pretty unique where they fall into this "mad yet cold scientist" trope but...they're playful? They're genuinely excited about sorcery and will be kind of annoying where, for the life of them, they CANNOT read the room that everyone just doesn't care or actively hates them (which makes me a little sad honestly lol)? Little bits of information were just constantly intriguing (their relationship to Tengen, being a foil to Yuki, and not to even start on them being Yuji's mom). What really cemented it for me was the Takaba vs. Kenjaku fight though. Kenjaku before this seems driven to keep going for scientific curiosity, but it's clear to me that they're bored, disappointed, and even seem depressed a little bit ("And yet...there must be more to human potential"). But then Takaba comes along. And they honestly have an instant connection while also pushing each other in ways nobody has before. Isn't that insane on Kenjaku's part? They've been alive for over 1000 years!! They find someone who understands them, they might be enemies but they are a duo. Gahhh I could talk about Kenjaku forever they have so many layers and they just fascinate me SO much.
3. Yona (Yona of the Dawn)
One of my favorite protagonists of all time, without a doubt. And I didn't even like her in the beginning (you're not supposed to really). At the beginning of the series, she's honest to god, a spoiled brat. She whines, she complains, she's incredibly weak and takes people for granted. But good god, this is one of the best character arcs I have ever seen in my life. When her entire world is thrown upside down and she's betrayed by her childhood best friend, and has to go on the run with Hak, she just matures and grows into herself so beautifully. She travels around her kingdom for the first time and sees the complexity of the situation where, yeah, she lost her father because of Soo-Won, and that hurts still, but she understands why because it becomes kind of clear that her father was pretty incompetent as a ruler. If I picked one character on this list that just has the best character development, Yona sweeps I'm sorry.
4. Killua (HxH)
Ugh this really should be both Gon and Killua but if I had to choose one it's Killua. Another great example of amazing character development. At the beginning he's already a fun character to watch, he's easygoing and quippy and just cool honestly. But with his upbringing as an assassin he's clearly not very...well adjusted to what a normal life looks like. He's raised to be a cold and ruthless killer and nothing more, and that's reflected in the Hunter exam arc when he swipes a guy's heart from his chest without a second thought. But then he meets Gon, and for the first time in his life he gets to just be a normal 12 year old boy? And as he goes on this adventure you can just see him become more human to the point he can't ever return to how he was at the beginning of the series. And to have that parallel with Gon (particularly in the Chimera Ant arc) where Gon is losing his humanity while Killua gains it?? UGH I want to give this kid a hug so bad I love him.
5. Riza Hawkeye (FMA)
On this list because she sent me into my first gay panic (at least, the first one I was consciously aware of LMAO). God, what a woman. She is incredibly hot but I do love her character as well. It's hard to talk about her without also talking about Roy (and vice versa) because they are just SO intertwined, but god if there were ever soulmates, it's maybe them. Just the level of respect and trust they have in each other is unlike anything I've ever seen, where they both are so haunted by their pasts but they keep each other going and are able to so easily rely on each other? Ugh they're just so amazing, and with Riza seeing how strong she is where her own father uses her to protect flame alchemy, and her just 100% trust in Roy to burn the tattoo?? Wowowowowow she just. She changed me.
6. Anatole (The Great Comet of 1812/War and Peace)
Ok so um. My big secret is that I'm a Musical person. I really don't talk about it much here lmao, but when I tell you I was like. Obsessed with the musical The Great Comet of 1812 for a solid two years that's no joke. Which is just. If you don't know a musical that adapts about 90 pages from the novel War and Peace (stick with me here). And my even bigger secret is that I'm obsessed with Anatole, who is the villain/antagonist. Um he's not even particularly deep I don't think, he just sucks. But he captured my heart by being a silly guy. This man is an arrogant piece of shit man but also kind of a coward, and him singing the line "Just as a duck is made to swim in water, God has made me as I am" to justify him cheating, I-...it changed something in me. Never before or after have I wanted to dissect a character's brain so much in my life. He's maybe the first silly villain that I just really loved lmao, maybe there's a Anatole -> Kenjaku pipeline (this pipeline only exists for me and no one else in this world).
7. Toph (Avatar the Last Airbender)
God choosing between Zuko and Toph was difficult for this entry, but I want to talk about Toph lmao. Just. What a unique and refreshing female character where I still think her writing is ahead of it's time. Just on the surface she's so fucking cool right. What an introduction where she's soloing all these musclehead earthbenders and putting grown men into the dirt. And such good representation of a disabled character where she's clearly not incapable and the things she can do well, she does really really well! But she is faced with the reality of needing help sometimes and she's not ashamed to ask for it, and I think there's this really good balance struck with her character between these two factors. I think she also just blends into the gaang seamlessly while also challenging them in new ways, and vice versa, and they really don't seem complete without her.
8. Eurydice (Hadestown)
Ok oooonnnnneee more musical character and this is definitely more justified lmao. Another big secret is that I love Greek mythology, was obsessed with it as a kid and still am. And Hadestown twisting the Orpheus and Eurydice story into this grim early 20th century industrialist/capitalist setting with jazz elements?? I'm a history major I'm such a BIG nerd for shit like this, and this is the best iteration of Eurydice to me. In the original myth, she gets sent to the underworld because a snake bites her, there isn't any agency to it, it's just bad luck essentially. In the musical, she CHOOSES to go down with Hades to the underworld, and that small thing does wonders for her character. She obviously loves Orpheus, but the fact is, she's going hungry and growing cold, and where before she would run away, she stayed for her love of Orpheus. And then Hades slips in to offer her food and shelter for the exchange of labor, and she leaves to the underworld, not realizing the colossal mistake she just made. She's such a flawed character but you understand why she makes the mistakes she does, and her character is just so incredibly human.
9. Mob (Mob Psycho 100)
This kiiiiiiid. God I love him. Apologies to Gojo but this is just the best instance of an "OP" character. This kid has busted ass psychic powers, powers that people literally worship. Unfortunately this doesn't save him from any of the horrors that middle school presents. He can't talk to his crush, he kinda sucks at sports, and he has little to no social skills. And on top of that he feels the need to suppress his emotions due to the consequences of his powers? GAHHH I just think Mob is maybe one of the relatable characters ever, you can be the best at something but that doesn't save you from the growing pains that being a teenager presents! And just his journey of self acceptance and kindness and love is so heartwarming to see, the way he resolves his insecurities throughout the series just healed something in me too.
10. Sophie Hatter (Howl's Moving Castle)
HMC isn't even my all time favorite Ghibli movie (top 3 though), but it's certainly the one I've gone back to the most and that's in large part due to Sophie. At the beginning of the movie, she certainly isn't in a bad place in life but there is this...melancholy? sadness? to her where it seems life is more happening to her and she has zero self esteem. When the curse is placed on her and then we can literally see her character journey and the ups and downs being reflected in her appearance, it's just so unique and realistic. It's so satisfying to see her start to actually live her life, to gain confidence in all of her various states, and how she helps both her new found family and how they help her as well. Another character where her development is just unmatched.
Thank you for sending this ask, I had a lot of fun rambling here <3
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bradandchris · 2 years
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“It wasn’t the most ridiculous thing out there. Far from it.”
Brad then reminded Becky so far, the plan for human survival was a cave full of seeds in Iceland and some bunkers in New Zealand built by paranoid rich people with guns. He then restruck the pose.
“Now, what exactly did Becky have to say about the ‘outfit’ again? You know what, it doesn’t matter as no one needs to compete with zero coordination.”
Brad then turned to face Becky directly. “People go to jail for not having an emergency plan. What’s really messed up is nothing exists at the top level for all of us. Why was the human species as a whole so whacked anyway?”
Becky offered to get the next round of margaritas and motioned for Brad to rejoin his place in the cabana. Chris piped in to make them doubles then asked everyone where they should take that conversation. It was a pool day, the snarky could be tabled.
Brad thought it should go to Boise. Chris thought to shuffle it off to Buffalo citing his own disappointment in it’s obviousness. Becky didn’t know where to put it but thought enough to store it in Namibia. It was dry and sparsely populated so would preserve well.
She then guessed a doomsay plan could pass through countless generations unnoticed and undisturbed like Ring Around the Rosie. The coding on that was a bit whacked as the message did not make the impact it could have given it’s significance and pertinence to current global epidemics.
“It was from the Middle Ages so certainly credit could be given there. Did we need to attach trauma to children? It is safe to say there were no guns pointed at anyone.”
Becky went on to state the plague and assumed apocalypse remained daunting. To clear the way for the rest of their pool day while the larger whole got it’s act together, she suggested a temporary placeholder in lieu of a true master plan for the survival of the human species.
“It would need to be super simple and as close to universal as possible. Maybe a song is a good idea. Could we at least say, ‘Don’t panic.’ or ‘Florida is underwater. Think Nepal, not Naples.’
Becky took a sip of a now nearly toasted margarita.
“Of course, people would freak anyway, especially after discovering there was no master plan. It may though give us a moment of clarity before the madness where one out of 8 billion of us might just come up with a resolution.”
Becky further dove in the point explaining the problem even with her suggestions around all this lies exactly where it does in general, surfacing the best idea.
“The car alarm, censor/chat bots, a war on drugs, phone trees, microbeads in soap, beef hamburgers and the electric chair were lauded as genius at one juncture. The fact is the list is infinite, and we know better now. The more hoopla made over something, the more it felt like there was reason to question it.”
Becky then mentioned all the gimmicks around AI. “We really do not know what we are stepping into or better said, already have. For some time, no regulation existed around any of it. AI also did not automatically keep records in the same capacity as with previous technological advances. This was scary.”
All three were already well aware Brad and Chris’ issues with Tumblr stemmed out of bots and a culture difficult to interpret other than hellbent on efficiency and profit ironically at any cost to its own customers.
In an unrealized interruption, Brad interjected his shock, “I so did not associate the censorship with AI until now. That’s…. OMG. I mean… Look at the damage being done to the gay community alone. I didn’t place it. That hardly makes it any less real or hard hitting.”
Becky assured Brad in his reaction and offered some perspective as to what Brad and Chris faced. “There is not sufficient law, social construct, personal protection or compensation around AI. Overall, corporations and those of resource thus far have chosen censorship, ignorance, and to look out for themselves.”
She paused to readjust her composure into a near stand on her knees.
“That IS fear culture. Process exceeds person across the board here, and in the grand scheme everyone loses. You are literally taking the brunt here with your blog bradandchris.com.”
Seeing things materialize for the two, Becky switched gears quickly. “I say keep going. The Oregon Trail didn’t pop up out of nowhere. If you look around, you are not the only gays on the block either. Start your own thing or grind away just as the bots do to you. Eventually people pick up mirroring which is why we all do it where conversations can’t or do not happen for whatever reason.”
Becky scanned the pool looking for their server before returning her attention to Brad and Chris.
“To mirrors, why don’t you start Twittering? Musk is also weary of AI. You might find a home there. It would not hurt to try.”
Brad and Chris appreciated options and the former nodded in affirmation. The each knew they were not helpless, but not unaware any move required significant resources or losses.
As to her suggestion as to where to temporarily store the conversation of a need for master plan for a global emergency, Becky affirmed her choice in Africa. Humanity began on the very same soil, and the entire continent was bothering enough to take time for introspection.
She lived in South Africa for several years as a medical refugee from the United States Her insurance didn’t cover her condition and she needed to go somewhere cheap as well multicultural that came in English with a beach. It was that or Belize.
Chris who’d been quietly sunning at the edge of the cabana suddenly came to life. “Is that where ‘Please Belize’ came from? I’ve heard you say that and caught myself saying it. It’s mad addicting. I’ve tried to keep it to myself as I didn’t know what it meant. I forget to ask every time you are around. The last thing I need to do is offend more people out of the blue.”
Chris sat up to allow for his hands and arms to go full on Price is Right showcase. “I look really good in blue. Just look at my tiny swimmers.”
Becky nodded in affirmation took the last slip of the margarita in hand and motioned for the pool server that came into view to head their way. Satisfied they made contact and on their way over, she called Mars a ‘hellhole’ and reframed Twitter as a definite ‘maybe.’
She then mentioned she got her job assisting for Ralph Lauren after meeting him at the beach in Cape Town. That’s why she came back to the States. Her her stint abroad may also explain some oddities about her.
To bring everything full circle before the server arrived, Becky indicated her regret for using the Oregon Trail as an example. It wasn’t what she intended to say though she could not remember what that was. She pointed out while understandable as a selection, Boise left out half the population inclusive of herself, and that she didn’t know what a ‘shuffle’ was. It did not ring as something particularly evolutionary or bring much to her in terms of inspiration. It did remind her of apples for unknown reasons.
At the end of the day and to rest her case, it was fun to say Namibia.
“Namibia.”
Becky was so on her game.
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thetempleofnyx · 2 years
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the genshin twitter fandom or the fandom as a whole is wild and some people are being so mean over the issues with sumeru leaks
i am just rambling my thoughts on them under the cut:
people are not mad that the leaked characters are pale, of course pale people from the countries that sumeru is supposed to represent exist but people are upset or disappointed at the lack of range of tones. they are upset at the intentional exclusion of characters with brown/darker tones, as though people with darker tones don’t exist in these countries or in any of the countries that represent certain regions in teyvat.
their disappoint stems from real world problems. people are upset that when it comes to media, time and time again, people with lighter skin tones will always take precedent over those with darker ones. people with pale skin tones, lighter skin tones will always be chosen to represent a community because of their proximity to whiteness over those with darker tones from the same communities.
people are upset that there are people who will go sooo hard to defend mhy and to defend the lack of representation and diversity in all types of media. telling people to just shut up and play the game, or if you dont like it just stop playing. its the same vein of attitude people have when they complain about something in their country, whether its racism or sexism or the economy, and they get told “if you dont like it then go back to where you came from or just pack up and go somewhere else!” like no. we should all be smart enough to engage and consume media and be critical of it when it is called for. and it is called for in mhy’s case, so no ppl will not “just shut up” when that has no effect on mhy at all.
we already knew what collei and al haitham were going to look like but every single character from sumeru should have some diversity in color, in all the patches. it shouldn’t be, “just wait till the next patch.” or “its just leaks so maybe things will change or be different.” people said “just wait until sumeru for representation” and here we are with a dendro archon that literally glows and we have dehya, who they sexualised with her outfit and made her look angry playing into the stereotypes of hyper-sexualising brown ppl and that they’re all aggressive. look at what they did to poor xinyan. she has darker skin and an angry appearance and she is disliked by her community for that. they think she is scary and always up to no good because she likes rock n roll and does not fit the standard in her community. and she is treated like this to the point where she wakes up in the morning and tries to make herself look more palatable to her community’s eyes.
to some players this is just a game but to so many ppl around the world, this is daily life. how xinyan is treated is reality, how sexualised they made dehya is reality for so many ppl with darker skin. how you always have to be mindful of how you look, conscious of your expressions or emotions or watch how you act in order to not ‘scare’ certain people is daily reality for so many players and for so many around the world.
and dori! dori is a cute character, but shes problematic her design. it is a whole stereotype and disrespectful! if mhy can put in the effort to make yun jin, a beautiful representation of the ideals and traditions of chinese culture, then they can do that research for sumeru and its characters. if they can put in the effort to create liyue, a beautiful representation of china and its people, then they can do the same for sumeru.
also this rainforest/jungle bs is the stupidest thing ive ever heard. like indigenous peoples from many rainforest/jungle regions dont have brown skin as well as a range of skin tones?? but that just proves my point.
the sad fact for many players is that they dont actually expect mhy to do anything, i dont expect them to because reality is, with these types of issues things almost never change, but that doesnt mean people cant voice their discontent and let their unhappiness be known.
some people may not care at all, and that is valid and your right. but stop telling ppl who do care, who are upset or want something different that their feelings are invalid and don’t matter. ive seen some people be so disgusting and dismissive and condescending on twitter and tiktok over the fact that all people are saying are hey these characters are cool but some diversity would have been nice.
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dannyisdone · 2 years
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Day 11: Full Moon!
Logan sighed as he bumped open the front door with his hip, his arms currently occupied with a bundled up and sleeping Janus. He readjusted his friend in his arms, before silently moving through the kitchen. He hadn’t expected anyone to still be out. It wasn’t particularly late, but late enough that most people would have retired to their rooms.
Which is why he startled a bit when he ran into Patton in the living room, sitting on the couch.
And from the way Patton jumped, he didn’t seem to have expected Logan either.
“Hey! You’re back so soon?” Patton asked with a slight head tilt, his eyes gazing down to Janus.
“Yeah.” Logan said, hopping Patton wouldn’t detect the slight disappointment in his tone. Logan had been very excited to show little Janus the full Hunter's Moon, and just star gaze a little bit. He had wanted to take littleJanus out star gazing for a while actually, but the the little thing was usually either too tired or preoccupied.
"He fall asleep on you?" Patton asked, scooting over on the couch and patting the space beside him. Logan appreciated the gesture and walked over, though not before laying Janus down in the other couch, making sure the regressor was settled before sitting himself down next to Patton.
"Not on me. But beside me, yes." Logan eventually answered, still struggling to mask the disappointment. And he knew he had failed with Patton’s next statement.
"And you're disappointed by that, hm?" Patton phrased it like a question, but Logan got the feeling it was anything but. He sighed, debating the merits in his mind about lying, but found it to he useless. Patton seemed to know anyways
"I am. And I feel very disgruntled by that fact. I really shouldn't be having this many emotions about it." Logan admitted. He wasn't upset with Janus by any means! Logan would never be disappointed in his little one for listening to his body and falling asleep. But he still felt…hurt. It was strange.
"Hey, don't be so dismissive of your emotions, Lo." Patton said, his face filled with worry, until he suddenly smiled and placed a hand on Logan's shoulder.
"Can I give you a Dad's perspective?" Patton asked. Logan fought the urge to argue that Patton might have any perspective stemming from being a dad, seeing as he wasn't really one. But Logan also wasn't a female nor a mother, and yet still allowed himself to be called mom, so he wisely kept his mouth shut and instead nodded.
"You know how sometimes one of the kiddos will come up to you, and really want to show you something? And we follow along, and when we see whatever silly thing they've made or found or learned, we make our eyes go big, and we ask them all about their thing?" Patton asked. Logan nodded.
"And sometimes we hype up that interest, right? Because we want that kiddo to be seen and know that we care about the things they want to show us." Again, Logan nodded, still unsure where this was going.
"Well, kids don't have those same instincts. That doesn't mean Janus doesn't want to learn, it just means that maybe we have to find some compromise that works on his level." Patton suggested.
"Well... how do I propose I do that?"
+++
Logan couldn't stop himself from smile as he held hands with Janus, who babbled excitedly beside him.
"Mom and Jan field trip!" He sung excitedly as they walked. Logan chuckled as he continued to guide Janus towards their destination.
He had listened to Patton's advice and met Janus in the middle. Janus was si y too exhausted to stay awake to star gaze at night. But, Logan had found a way to bring Jnaus to the stars during the day time, when you would be up and rearing to go.
"You need to be on your best behavior at the planetarium, little one." Logan reminded as the building came into view. Janus nodded once, but the big bright smile on his face was proof enough to Logan that he was going to have lots of fun.
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Flower Shop Friend - A short story <3
The bell tinkled as the front door was opened. “Hey, helloooo? Is anyone in here? Helloooo?” First customer of the day, let’s do this. I plastered on a smile as I walked into the front of my little shop. “Hey, welcome to the Watering Can. How can I help you?” “How do I say fuck you in flower?” I stopped short, the flowers I was arranging falling onto the counter. “I- uhh- what?” “How do I say fuck you in flower? My girlfriend- I mean… ex-girlfriend I guess- anyway I just found out she’s been sleeping with my brother, and she doesn’t know I know yet. She’s like, super allergic to flowers and I want to break up wit her in style. So, I was wondering, how do I say fuck you in flower?” “Oh, uhh… right ok well, I suppose you would need a combination of geraniums to symbolize stupidity,” I walked out from around the counter and over to the buckets on the wall, grabbing one of each flower to show them. “foxgloves for insincerity, meadowsweet for uselessness, yellow carnations to say that they’ve disappointed you-“ “I suppose I’ll need quite a few of them then,” they cut in, smiling grimly. “Lastly, some orange lilies to symbolize hatred.” I handed them the small bouquet. “Fantastic, I knew you would have something. Can I add dahlias? I bought her a bouquet of them once and quickly found out that she utterly hates them. It would really top off the message, you know?” Handing them the pink flower, they smiled at me. “Where did you learn to make this bouquet? Surely you don’t get many people in here with the same request?” I grabbed more of the flowers and walked back to the counter, grabbing out some red tissue paper. “Oh you know, I’m a florist. I speak flower.” I began arranging the flowers, trimming away the stems but leaving on the thorns. I stopped and looked up at them, wondering how someone would ever want to cheat on such an attractive face. I looked down and busied my hands as I said “Maybe… maybe after you go give your girlfriend this bouquet I could teach you a little more about them…?” I looked up after a second of silence. They looked as flustered as I felt. “Or not, I mean, I understand if it would be weird but like I just thought- “ “Sounds cool. I never thought flowers could be so intricate.” I handed them the bouquet, now arranged and tied up in the tissue paper. It really was a striking bunch. “Yeah most people just think they’re pretty. I um-“ I blushed a little as I punched the numbers into the register. “I put a small card just under the paper for you… its for you not her, just to clarify.” I watched as they picked up the flowers and thanked me and walked out the door. As they shut it behind them, they turned and smiled, waving a little. And that, is how I met my soulmate.
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processofliving · 1 month
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Is God real.
Is God real.
A very good question. And one that will (probably) never be answered. Apparently there is no scientific way in which to test whether God is real or not. Which is kind of crazy because we generally as people do not like it when questions are just left unanswered. Especially not big questions like this one. And I’m going to have to disappoint you; I’m not going to be able to give an answer to this question myself.
Personally I was raised an atheist, yet some of my family believes in God. I’ve got friends that are religious and I’ve got friends that are not. The one thing I always notice when discussing religion with them is that we’re not talking about whether God exists, but we’re talking about the things people do, say or think based on a religion. In other words, it is not a matter of whether He exists, it’s a matter of what it entails if He were to exist. 
I guess this is partly because it feels quite silly to ask a Christian if they think God is real, you feel like you already know the answer (although I feel it could cause some really interesting conversations as well, I’m sure religious people have existential doubts and questions time to time), but also because the way people ‘use’ religion in their life is what intrigues me. When I say ‘use’, I mean using a Holy Book as a basis for perspectives and behavior I do not feel are in line with the way I see life.
I think some of the very common questions I have, which I’m sure you’ve heard before, concern the following; using a Holy Book to say that being gay is a choice (and a poor one at that), or that people who do not believe in God will go to hell, or that, if someone dies unexpectedly, it was God’s will. These are things I cannot comprehend. I find it intriguing that people can believe in something so vastly different from what others believe in. And it is something I have been trying very hard to understand.
If there is a God, and there might be, would He design us to be gay if it was a sin? If there is a God, would He hate those who do not believe? And, if there is a God, would He choose to let a young child die? Is God not all love? That’s what I’ve always been taught. Yet I don’t have the answers. I’m just a little speck on this Earth who knows just as little about the concept of Deities as you all do. Maybe the people who believe in above-mentioned ‘things I cannot comprehend’ get it all wrong. Maybe ‘true’ religion is all about love. Or maybe it is not, and the people who believe in ‘all love’ are wrong. Or maybe it is so diverse that we will never know. But if there is One True God, I wonder what He thinks.
Concerning religion (and I guess generally as well) I have always felt very compelled to defend my perspective on life and do what I think is right. As if I have to defend those offended by people’s interpretation of their Book of Choice even though I am not the one preaching it. The conversations I have with religious people never turn sour, we are old enough to let our differences be differences, but it is curious that we always want to share our view on life with others and are so convinced that it is the right way. Ironic as well, since this entire blog revolves around my perspective on life. I truly wonder where that stems from, this urge to voice the things we believe in. 
Maybe it is God.
Is God real?
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reina-royale · 8 months
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Ok, I kinda hate the stories where Ron goes to Japan and Kim is usually painted or treated as a bad person, when she isn’t like that at all. I have to admit i initially thought this was the way you viewed kim.
I still think you are being unfair to her character, but I can see some of your points. I also don’t like how the narrative of the show often treated Ron, like he is acknowledged that he is important and a key part to Kim’s success, but he never gets much acknowledgment from the other character.
And sometimes I feel like this becomes reflected in the way the fandom in itself treats Ron, maybe this being part of the reason why there are so many stories of “Ron goes to Japan and gets a six pack for no apparent reason and Kim is portrayed as incredible OOC” which I kinda hate, I dislike those stories so much.
But with the back and forth of our conversations, I can understand why those stories were made because Ron is a very relatable and capable character and I guess people wanted to give him the credit sometimes the narrative of the show didn’t gave him.
Like he obviously broke out of his original character mold and became more than just a sidekick, but the narrative itself and the other characters didn’t treated him seriously despite how much growth his character went through and that stings a little.
Do you happen to feel the same way about his character?
Where we disagree is that think Kim was one of the few people who acknowledged him, recognized how important he was and acted supportive when necessary, whereas Bonnie was only with him for convenience
Yeah, I do feel like Ron broke out of the mold of "clumsy sidekick" and, honestly, I kind of hate the idea of Ron coming back from Japan with a six-pack too.
I mean, he was only there for one week, and his fighting style focuses more on agility than strength, so he wouldn't have developed one anyways.
I hate to disappoint you, but...I do think Kim is a bad person. You've seen my posts so you know why I think that.
I don't need Kim to be a flawless person who never makes mistakes, I need her to be someone who faces consequences when she intentionally harms others.
But it never happened.
She only got grounded once in "October 31st" and it was for lying. Any other time she does something bad, she faces no repercussions.
I really don't want to get into a debate about it, but I wouldn't say Kim is one of the few people who's supportive of Ron. Not when she does things like:
Dismissing Ron's feelings, like in "The New Ron" when she forced him into a haircut that he didn't like, and then humiliated him after he told her how much he hated it.
Or constantly dismissing his other fears, like monkeys, bugs, and robotic horses, when she knows they stem from traumatic events.
Being condescending and rude about his interests, like in "Monkey Fist Strikes" when she insults his interests in video games, or "Pain King vs Cleopatra" when she insults his interest in wrestling.
Refusing to acknowledge Ron is important to her success in "The Ron Factor", even though she is unable to succeed without him, has failed every time she's tried.
Being unsupportive of him, like in "Attack of the Killer Bebes" when she, for no known reason, insults Ron's idea of being the mascot.
Complains about their dates "hitting a rut", like in "Odds Man In", or that Ron uses coupons to pay for dates, like in "The Big Job", without offering to pay for them herself or plan something more exciting for their dates. (Although Kim's idea of a date might not be fun for Ron.)
Acts jealous and possessive of him like in "Steal Wheels" and "Gorilla Fist" but also insults him for even suggesting people might think they date, like in "Grudge Match".
Also, in "Grudge Match", thinks telling Ron he stands a chance with a girl that none of them knew anything about is "fudging".
Refuses to let Ron go on a mission alone with Yori in "Big Bother" because Yori used to have a crush on Ron, even though Yori had requested Ron specifically and Ron gave Kim no reason to think he'd be disloyal.
Has no sympathy for Ron being forced out of his bedroom into the uncomfortably cramped attic in "Big Bother", or for him being upset at how much his life changed while he was at school.
Volunteers to help Bonnie find a new boyfriend in "Homecoming Upset" but then leaves Ron to do that job so she can go on a mission, something Ron never agreed to.
Has not once congratulated Ron on his success, like in "Ron Millionaire" or "Two to Tutor".
Dismisses his concerns about Gil in "Return to Wannaweep".
Tricks him into going to a working ranch in "Showdown at the Crooked D".
Admits that Ron has great skills in "Sink or Swim", but then immediately tells him he's not going to be allowed to lead a mission anyways.
Says Ron is "a baby about freefalling" in "So The Drama".
So, it's kind of hard to call Kim supportive when she so rarely supports him on anything.
As for Bonnie, I do agree she dated him for terrible reasons. But that doesn't change the fact that she was supportive while she was dating him.
There are couples in the real world who got together for worse reasons and ended up happy anyways. How they got together isn't as important as how they treated each other.
And Bonnie was completely supportive of him, even if he was being a bit ridiculous.
And that's the kind of relationship Ron deserves.
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yuna-writes · 1 year
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Creativity and neurodivergence
I always wonder if there is correlation between creativity and neurodivergence. I think this idea seems pretty flawed because isn’t everyone creative in unique ways? Technically, than everyone is neurodivergent because what exactly is ‘normal?’ Some people see me as a creative person and other people don’t, so it’s subjective too. 
I do feel more creative than an average person just because I see things a little differently and the notion of this doesn’t stem from ‘arrogance’ or ‘superiority.’ Because if my ideas and thoughts are so universally known and accepted, than I wouldn’t experience conflicts and strong negative reactions from other people. It’s mostly why I stay silent and don’t really interact with the ‘real world.’ When I took the personality types, INTJs are not really known to care about the real world and the real people in it. 
This doesn’t mean I’m a hermit, I have tried to interact with real people and try to have a normal life that majority of other people want. Let’s just say, real life is a huge disappointment. As a kid, I always imagined I wanted loving and supportive parents. Those elements have been pretty emotionally absent. I wanted to make a lot of friends at school, but ended up making little to no friends in school either. Then, when I finally transitioned into adulthood, I got into big conflicts with my past managers where they would yell at me because of anger issues when we are both adults and shouldn’t let our emotions get a hold of us. Let’s just say, every single phase of my life felt like one disappointment over another disappointment, and well, I stopped trying to look for hope in the external world and people. 
I suppose some people would look at me and think I’m so arrogant and close minded because I don’t see the positives in the small things in people. It’s not that either, I do have very high hopes in others but I suppose they eventually grow disappointed once they realize I don’t behave like a ‘normal’ person. There’s really only a few people who can understand I need my alone time to recharge and gather my thoughts. It doesn’t mean my lack of presence indicate I don’t like them. In relationships, human beings are needy and want instant gratification from their friends, partner and family. I guess, I don’t really meet those expectations because I pretty much live inside my head most of the time. It takes me a while to resurface in the real world and be fully present. Not a lot of people have this type of patience.  
As a young teen, this kind of conflict made me resort to creative outlets to express my emotions. I would draw, play video games, and read stories about fictional characters. I would actually grow more emotionally attached to fictional characters and the world they live in because it feels a lot more emotional, warm and real than ‘real life’ itself which feels cold, unempathetic, impatient and cruel. This doesn’t imply every person who enjoys video games are escaping reality, but I suppose it explains why I tend to be more interested in things than people. If I was more neurotypical or ‘normal’ I would have a better social connections because I have interests that’s mainstream, and maybe I would be more interested in people than things because I find reasons to connect with them. 
I think my current co-workers realizes I’m a bit neurodivergent. At first there was some tensions and conflicts. I think one co-worker was visibly unhappy with me, but eventually changed attitude after a period of time. And now this co-worker is trying to be more respectful and friendly. I think this person realizes that being impatient and unempathetic would make the other person withdraw more from social interactions. 
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Okay okay okay - for real this time.
For some reason I've been wanting to write more. I haven't acted on it much, but there has been a growing desire. In an effort to better myself, I'm trying to be less hard on myself. Like a lot less hard on myself. At the same time, I'm trying to hold myself accountable. With that said, I can't help but want to point out the fact that it's hilarious that I start off this post mentioning how I've wanted to write more, but that I haven't acted on it. That's just typical me, isn't it? Wanting something, but not acting on it. If you really had to summarize my life down - that could be it right there. A man that wanted things, but never acted on those desires. So while I try to cut myself some slack (as you can see, I'm pretty mean to myself in previous posts) - I need to hold myself accountable. I don't know if that's step 1 or step 50. But it's a step that needs to be taken.
I've been thinking a lot lately - just about my life, where it's headed, the circumstances that led me to my current life. Things could be so much worse, couldn't they be? On that same token, things could be so much better. The only thing that is preventing things from being even better is myself. I feel as though there are gaps in my life - years where just about zero fun occured. But the truth is, I try and hide the parts of my life where I'm unhappy with my physical appearance. I have a pretty extensive, well documented portable storage device full of photograhps and videos I've taken since about 2007ish. I can make this quick - I take tons of photos when I'm thin (admittingly, there's only a few of those years) and I take significantly less photos when I'm overweight (like currenlty)
I just look back at some photos from 2019 when I was working out and eating right. I look so happy. What's preventing me from living my life with that happiness all the time? The answer is me. If I can't be honest with myself, what is the point of this blog? It's time to get honest. Like really really honest.
I'm not physically attractive, in the classic sense. Whatever that means. Thin or fat. I'm not attractive. Weird hair. Round face. Sunken in eyes. Pale. I don't really have anything working for me in the physical department. I never will. Throughout my life, I've been compared to my older brothers. Honest to god, whatever god you believe in, they are all just objectively better off than me physically. All taller. All thinner. More athletic. This point has just always been drilled into my head, since I was a child. Why can't you be like your brothers? Your brothers are cute, but you? Ehh
Those are things that I can't change. I understand that. But what can I change? My weight. My fitness. I can change those things. I've changed them before. I can do it again.
To give myself a little credit, I'm definitely smarter than all those fuckers - no contest =] - I'm funnier too, but maybe that just comes with being the ugly one. Either way, I'm fine with it. This last go round with losing weight, my emphasis was just being the best version of myself. That's all I can ever try to do. Worrying about other people, comparing myself to them, it doesn't get me anywhere. So why even worry about it? Why waste that time? Why let those things consume me? I can't became a 6'3 star athelete. I can became a damn fit 5'11 (and 3/4in) motherfucker in his 30s.
The choice is mine. I need to constantly remind myself of that. The choice is mine. I just need to make the choice.
I find myself always being disappointed with others. I think that just stems from expecting things from other people. If I really just stop expecting things from others, they can't dissapoint me. But If I expect things from myself and act to make those expecations a reality? Well then I can't be let down, now can I?
I'm making this sound easy. Of course it's not this easy. But it is this easy you see. There are always going to be variables, things out of my control. But at the end of the day, I can only control what I can control. So step 1, let's do exactly fucking that. Let's control the things we can control - to the best of my ability. Sounds so simple. But I bet if I can act on that, my happiness will drastically improve.
I don't want to be that person who hides when a camera comes out, because I simply don't want to see myself in a photo. I don't want to be that person that makes up an excuse to skip out on an event, because I'm too embarrased to be seen. I just want to live my life. It's up to me and only me to put myself in a position where I can be happy with myself. I'm going to do it, for real this time.
Let's fucking go.
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notnctu · 3 years
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push & pull | kim doyoung
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❀ slytherin!doyoung x hufflepuff!femreader ❀ genre - SLOW BURN, smut, fluff, a bit of humor (idk not rlly) ❀ details -  hogwarts!au, fwb to lovers?, y/n is a player lol, jealous doyoung, mutual pining, doyoung is a lil mean ❀ word count - 9.7k ❀ warnings - explicit language, possessiveness (a concept of marking), dom!doyoung, angry sex?, slight dirty talk, penetration, fingering, praise kink ❀ synopsis - in which a prideful slytherin and an oblivious hufflepuff play a clueless emotion game of tug of war.
❝I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?❞  
❝People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you pursue me?❞ ❀ a/n - i changed the plot a little bit as i was writing lol but hopefully it still fits everything! i said this in the teaser, but i want to preface and say that the magic/marking is not canon to harry potter, and that the only thing im using are the sectional houses/subjects. besides that, everything is made up LMAO also pls b lenient with me, i read hogwarts!au but writing it is very out of my comfort zone and am very bad at creating anything magical 
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Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, mindlessly and imperfectly steals glances your way across the dining tables and under several hundred floating lit candles. He sits huddled with his few posh friends that wear the same green and silver tie situated so tightly underneath their necks. And you, just looking as dazzling as ever, with your yellow and black tie hanging loose and a few buttons undone from your dress shirt.
He hates how easily you catch his attention and his ability to spot your figure in a dense crowd. You barely even look his way in public now, often distracted by a broad Gryffindor that tries to make flirtatious advantages at you. And when he thinks it can’t get any worse, it does… as you’re flashing your bright beautiful smile back at him and the shift in your body language.
“You’re staring again.” Yuta flickers between his friend and the subject of his focus.
Doyoung clears his throat, smooths his tie and physically turns his body away from the horrendous scene. “It’s very hard not to stare when she’s flirting with other men in front of me.”
“Does she do it on purpose?” The silver haired boy raises a questionable eyebrow and Doyoung reacts before he can speak.
He perks up and narrows his eyes at Yuta. “Purpose? Like to make me jealous?” Doyoung scoffs, laughs almost at the ridiculous thought. “The answer is no. We’re not exclusive, we’re nothing.”
“If you two are nothing, then why are you acting like you two are something? Get a grip, it’s practically sickening watching you fume over a ditzy Hufflepuff.” As Yuta prepares to bite into his delicious soft bread roll, it flies out of his grip, down the long table and onto another person’s plate.
Both boys are quick to stand to their feet and face each other chest to chest. Neither one of them is intimidated by the other, but their other friends around them are rather shocked by the sudden discrepancy.
Doyoung forcibly brushes off an imaginary dust off his good friend’s shoulders and draws a perfectly strained fake smile, knowing that others may be watching and he is a Prefect after all. But most importantly, you could be watching. “Call her that again, and your dinner won’t be the only thing that’s thrown across the table.” His threat is loud enough solely for Yuta to hear.
Yuta, with glaring eyes, picks up his dinner tray and walks off with his chin held high and a brisk in his stride. Doyoung clears his throat in the midst of the brief silence and out of habit, fixes his tie back in place. He takes a seat back down and the chatter at the table resumes, but he’s beyond embarrassed and disappointed at his loss of temper that everything drowns out.
Almost everything. He feels a light tap on his shoulder and out of annoyance, he spins around hastily and sharply snarls, “what?” But his eyes land on your fearful wide eyes and the slight cower in your stance, knowing that you caught onto his bad mood. And he’s half in disbelief that you’re approaching him right in the center of the Great Hall, that you’re standing so beautiful a foot away from him.
Instant regret and guilt fills his chest, his sharp eyes soften at your pout and the concerned furrow in between your brows. Nonetheless, he doesn’t have any words to say… he can’t get himself to apologize for his behavior.
“Do you want to walk to Herbology with me?” The quiver in your voice made you seem so small, so desperate for him, that he can hear the reactions of his friends. They’re laughing, at him, at you, at the whole scene that’s unfolding. He feels mocked, being a laughing stock isn’t something he’s very fond of.
His lips form a tight line, and in a snarky tone, “you don’t know your own way, Puff? Mind you ask your own Prefect to guide you.” Fuck. He tried to find the nicest way possible to brush you off, but his friends laugh a bit louder and intensely. And you didn’t like that one bit.
Your lips part slightly in a frown, an eyebrow raised and a hand on your hip. You look as if you’re ready to attack him, to jinx him, to probably pinch at his skin. But he knows you, and you’d do none of the above. Instead, you say the one threat that causes his heart to sink into the pit of his stomach, “don’t talk to me in class.” You’re slipping away from him as you pick up your pace, exiting all the commotion in the Great Hall.
He tries to hide the disappointment that stems from his chest, and his heart beats with an inexplicable dull pain. All he can think about is the twist of your expression and he’s gathering his things rather quickly to follow after you, without even a bid goodbye to his clique.
Without any knowledge of what you two do behind closed doors and the complex history that you two share, one may view your relationship as practically nonexistent; you two are strangers, barely passing acquaintances. 
Doyoung does not approach you in the halls, in anywhere that necessarily has many witnesses. You smile at him, maybe even a wave depending on your mood, but no one questions it … as you wave at almost everyone who passes by you.
Classmates might see interaction during the one class you two share, if they pay attention close enough. However, you and Doyoung are much more to each other than passing acquaintances. Although he’s starting to see himself as another name on your list of individuals you sleep with, you are much more to him than you could ever know.
He’ll never forget the first time you two met. He was patrolling the halls for anyone lurking past curfew with his nose dug deep in his heavy book on magical creatures, when you walked right into him and caused the both of you to fall to the granite.
He was beyond ready to dock off points for whoever the rule breaker may be, but you took his breath away when you hovered above him and clasped your palm over his mouth before he can scold anyone. You looked a bit frazzled as your hair was all over the place and he noticed your minimal amount of clothing in the middle of a cold winter night.
He saw the signature Hufflepuff badge on your thin sweater and the sound of your voice completely threw him off his tracks.
“I’m so sorry.” You whisper at the stunned Prefect underneath you, whose body feels warm against your own. But your eyes remain frantically on the lookout for anyone else passing, despite the lack of light in the cobblestone hallway. You most definitely do not belong in this wing of the castle and knocking down a Prefect caused more of a problem in your escape route.
Quickly standing up, you lend your hand out for him to take. His long fingers accept your hold as he pulls himself up and dusts the dirt off his robe. His green emblem glows in the dim light and you’re internally screaming at the mess you just made for yourself. But you recognize his features: the sharpness in his eyes, the small curves of the corners of his lips, his neatly parted black hair.
“You’re in some deep---”
“---Kim Doyoung.” The boy freezes at the sound of his name and he blinks at you, curious as to where you know of him. Being a Prefect has its small perks of popularity, but he didn’t expect for it to go this far. “Y/N, we had brooms together.”
As he repeats your name and examines your pretty features, a light bulb goes off in his head. “The clumsy Hufflepuff that fell off her broom in the highest altitude?”
“If that’s how you remember me by.” You smile proudly, and he scoffs at how someone could possibly hold pride in something so silly. “It’s nice to see you around, you’re a Prefect! Wow! That’s incredible.”
“And you’re still as clumsy as you were a year ago. Falling all over the place.”
“Unfortunately, some things don’t change! But you certainly have.” Doyoung looks at you with hooded eyes and a cautious gaze, but you’re so outlandishly bold despite swaying with your hands behind your back. “Please, don’t take that the wrong way. I meant it as a compliment! I used to have a tiny crush on you, baseless, but you helped me catch my broomstick and I’ll never be able to forget that.”
Doyoung, unknowingly, lights up at your shameless confession and takes another good look at you. You're much more mature now, and if he stared into your alluring gaze any longer, he’d be completely mesmerized without the need of a love potion. “So you liked me over a meaningless chivalrous act?”
“I liked you because you were charming and yes, perhaps I am someone who finds attractiveness in men who are chivalrous. There’s nothing wrong with that.” You bat your sweet eyelashes at him so endearingly, and he’s a blushing mess all over the place.
Doyoung has had anonymous love letters passed on from his friends, but they were all Slytherins who yearned greedily to be associated with his status. So knowing that a Hufflepuff, with an innocent youthful approach to love, festered some form of infatuation with him does flatter him quite well. “I’ll let you go.”
You’re about to exhale an exasperated sigh of relief until Doyoung continues, “under one condition.”
“Okay, I’ll do anything.” Your gleaming eyes sparkle like stars paired with the night sky.
He rolls his eyes at you, “don’t be so quick to jump at conditions without hearing them first.” Doyoung groans and you passively brush off his comment.
“If it’s harmless, I’ll do it.”
And in the dead of the night, where only you two stand in the middle of an empty cobblestone hallway, Doyoung requests, “I want to see you again.”
Although that night marked the beginning of your friendship, public interactions were still scarce and this was mainly on the fault of Doyoung. The times you met were late nights past curfew where he was stationed at and he grew to enjoy your wondrous personality. This boy grew up in a Slytherin bubble his whole life, no one outside of his house ever dared approached him … at least, not with the warmest smile as yours.
You were everything he was not, but he liked it so much. You were a half that completed his whole, and there were growing pains he couldn’t confide in anyone else. Surprisingly, you knew his imperfections more than he did himself and yet, you still wanted to be around him to encourage him. Not to mention, you had a sudden growth in other parts of your body and formed into your features very beautifully.
He wasn’t the only one who noticed, as there were more male counterparts who smiled at you, talked about you, fawned over you. And he felt something heighten inside of him along with his existing romantic feelings, and that he began seeing you in a new light.
With you experiencing new things, like hand holding and being showered by love letters on Valentine’s Day, it was wrong of him to fester such envy over the ones who publicly adorned you. He was so blinded by his hot headed rage that he completely missed the fact that you never accepted anyone who confessed, maybe the hand holding, but everyone else was a complete rejection.
All this time, you had been waiting for him and when you two shared your first kiss together, you had an assumption that Doyoung was going to finally confess that he felt the same way. But he never did. You two did, however, further your relationship into something more intimate and taking each other’s virginities opened a whole pathway of possibilities --- none being one where you two end up officially together.
He was the first to sleep with someone else, that was his first of many mistakes that he was going to make in his relationship with you. It also became the drop of the needle for you to start seeing other people as well, to explore what Doyoung couldn’t offer, to rid yourself of the feelings you had for a boy that didn’t seem like he wanted anything more.
Chivalry was dead and Doyoung believed that the innocent youthful Hufflepuff love had disappeared from within you.
As his present day runs after you, you’re abruptly stopped by a Ravenclaw for a small chat. Damn you Hufflepuffs for being friendly and social. So, he rushes past the two of you and into the classroom to await for your arrival. The quick shade of green flashes by your side and you’re fuming incredibly at how Doyoung continues to play you like a harp.
When you slide into your assigned seat next to him, he goes off like a canon. Doyoung starts spewing backhanded excuses and endless shameless rambles about his behavior. “I told you. Don’t talk to me during class or I will jinx you. Won’t be able to talk with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.”
“You’re not going to jinx me.” With a subtle flick of his wrist, your chair is pulled closer to his. “And if you were to do so, you wouldn’t do something so cynical.” Yelping at the abrupt usage of his magic, you’re irritably pressing your ink into your journal with a newfound annoyance.
“You’re right. I’d turn you into a duck, so at least, you’re still cute to look at.” The mindless scribbles on the paper make no sense in your head, as you’re primarily zoned in on the disrupted energy you have about your Slytherin companion. These ill feelings make you almost sick, wanting to shut out any bad replay of the moments before and forgetting about the attention you seek so much from Doyoung.
“For you to successfully cast a jinx on me, you must make eye contact first.” His finger lifts your chin and you’re eye to eye with his lustful dark stare. Doyoung licks his lips, a shine shimmers from his saliva, and he’s tempted to bring you into his chambers for an intimacy he’s been craving. “My, oh my. You’re looking very charmed today.” A grin curves up and taunts you, and you’re blinking away down at the table.
“Doyoung, we’re in class. Please, focus.” Your desperate whisper turns into a whine once his cold hand slyly smooths over your bare knee.
“Are you free later tonight?” Doyoung peers over at your side profile and your skin feels soft at his fingertips. He’s imagining your intoxicating scent mixing with his sheets, your light playful kisses along his neck, and gripping onto every naked part of you. For a whole minute, he’s forgotten that he’s in class with other no name individuals and a boring professor. He has tunnel vision whenever he’s with you.
“I have an arrangement.” The grip on your knee tightens at your quiet answer. An arrangement.
“The Gryffindor who had leafy greens in between his teeth?” Doyoung treads lightly, because you’re both well aware he’s made harsher insults than that. He retrieves his hand and picks up his pen as if he’s never touched you.
He sees your head shake out of the corner of his eye, you’re rolling your lips together sheepishly. There’s something odd about your stance and he’s growing a bit more curious…. A bit more spiteful at how closed off you are being. There’s something you’re hiding from him. “Then, who?”
“Is there something you’d like to discuss with the class, Mr. Kim? If not, I’d like for everyone to head over to the greenhouse.” As the class slightly snickers and the classroom empties, you and Doyoung are stopped by your professor.
Professor Sprout, wearing her worn out Dragon hide gloves and a thin lined smile, shoves a potted plant into Doyoung’s hands, “behave, you two. Your conversations are never very secret when spoken aloud.” She gives both of you a warning before proceeding out along with the rest of the class.
Doyoung scoffs at the absurd encounter and rolls his eyes. “Ah, you’re getting me in trouble with you now.”
“I’m sorry, Doyoung. It’s better that you don’t know.” You say this every time, when will you realize that keeping your hookups a secret only causes him more agony? He catches your wrist as you both exit the corridors, he barely ever has you alone now. And to say the least, he fucking misses you.
“Spare me some of your time after class.” He’s disgusted by himself, knowing that his eyes are begging for you to say yes. Him, a highly admired Slytherin, has settled for scraps and if anyone knew, they’d never let him live.
Your hand gently clasps over his and when you look up with your starry eyes, something inside him feels at peace. “Did you miss me?” He gulps at your question and blinks at you like a deer in headlights. If said by anyone else, he would not hesitate to snap his fingers into a malicious spell. But you ask the million dollar question so sweetly, there’s no taunt… there’s no mockery in your tone. It’s full of genuine curiosity.
So, he answers you with part of his heart that you know too well. “Unfortunately.” His body falls slightly in defeat, and suddenly the potted plant is alive in his hands. It’s wailing a dangerous and annoying loud cry, completely ruining the moment.
Doyoung quizzically ponders the monstrous green plant and its magical capabilities puzzle him, possibly reminding him to pay more attention to the actual curriculum than on your unbuttoned shirt.
Moreover, your giggle surprisingly calms him in this stressful situation and you lightly pat his hand that’s still gripping your wrist. “I’m all yours after class.” 
Taking the wretched plant, you hurry off toward the greenhouse to find someone to diffuse the crying creature. Doyoung laughs in disbelief at your comical animated figure running around with a pot over your head and shouting for any student to help you. So you’re not paying attention in class either?
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Doyoung takes you to your favorite place, despite the rule that you’re not allowed access to it. The Prefect Bathroom remains spotlessly clean and fresh paired with an immediate scent of rosewater and wild honeysuckle. The white polished marble gleams prettily under the twinkling diamond chandeliers and you’re twirling enthusiastically in the center of the large undressing area.
He observes and smiles widely to himself at the sight of your happiness and cute giggles. It’s always a risk to have you use their bathroom, but he is always abusing his privilege to seek your enjoyment that he truly doesn’t care about anything else. Your morality has beaten him enough and he’s heard plenty about his wrongdoings, yet here you are… sweetly dancing in the one place that’s absolutely wrong. Perhaps, you two have rubbed off a little too much on one another.
“I can never get sick of this place.” As you plead to Doyoung to cast a bubble bath, you’re already stripping out of your skirt. He shields his eyes to give you some privacy and recites the charm to run hot dazzling water in the ginormous pool. A nice soothing bath is exactly what you two need after a stressful day playing in the dirt.
“This is your favorite place.” says Doyoung with a matter of fact edge to this tone.
“It’s my favorite place because I only get to come here with you.” You jump on his back and he hoists you up by your thighs. His heart skips a happy tune. “I refuse for you to tell me the password, even if you do wish for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of a bubble bath.”
“You and your right and wrongs.” With eager hands, you’re loosening his tie from around his neck. “You stripped so fast that you’re going to get a cold.”
“It’s going to get steamy really soon. Plus, I know you like me best without any clothes on.” Your hot breath tickles the shell of his ear and a blush scatters across Doyoung’s cheek. Button after button, his open shirt exposes his toned build. He sets you on the edge of the elevated step before the bath.
Doyoung smirks at your nakedness and your hot lustful expression. Leaning in until he’s practically breathing against your lips, he stares straight into your eyes. “My Puff knows me best.” And dives into you with all his soul. Fruitful drags of his lips along yours, his long tongue enters your mouth. His large hand carefully caresses your cheek to pull you further into the kiss, noses pressing into skin and with a desire to never part.
His heart swells lovingly, kissing you feels like the best thing in the world. There are no tricks, no spells, no recited charms, but you are more than magical. The same surge of energy runs through his veins, but unlike his impressive ability as a notable wizard, he can’t control it. You make him lose control. As meticulous and cautious as he is, you’re the first thing he doesn’t think through.
Your needy hands push off his dress shirt and he hurriedly unbuckles his belt. When you break the kiss, he automatically pouts and pulls you back in for one more lingering peck. “Are you going to scrub my back for me?” You smile, dragging him closer to the overflowing bathtub.
Large puffs of white bubbles spill from the rims and disappear with your every step. It reminds you of sea foam that washes upon the shore, with a floral fragrant that fills your lungs. “That’s quite an intimate gesture, but yes.”
After removing all his garments, he joins you in the large pool of glossy bubbles and the clouds of steam that rises from the water suffocates him warmly. He sits with his back against the wall and eyes unwavering on your alluring expression. 
The bubbles do a great job at covering your breasts, but his sneaky hands snake under the water to grip them. Doyoung grabs a full tit and thumbs over your erect nipple, all while he holds the most sensual gaze with you. Slowly, you naturally end up in his hold and your wet back relaxes against his chest.
The beating of his heart is too loud and surely, you can feel the way it jumps out of his chest. Doyoung attaches his lips on your skin and as you’re melting at his harsh suckling. However, you perk up and snap out of your dazed arousal at the realization of his purposeful licks. “You’re trying to mark me?”
His hand continues to rub and twist your aching nipples. The sensation stimulating the growth of pleasure to sprout below and your mind to wander. 
“Possibly.”
A lovers’ mark is the ultimate testament of mutual love. Engraving the skin with your beloved’s Patronus, wherever the giver chooses to mark. Love emblems are meant to be something sacred to the couple, a way to make someone completely untouchable to everyone else. Not only does the symbol glow with an iridescent shine whenever love is felt, it also numbs any romantic feelings for all others besides the partner.
Besides the use of possessiveness, it’s a beautiful way to discover one true love since the engraving of their Patronus shows up on the skin under the conditions that both individuals must be madly in love with one another. And if it doesn’t end up forming, the receiver is left with a bright, sparkling star hue in its place before fading away completely. If it does appear, it fades when both fall out of love.
“Doyoung--” His name falls from your lips as a moan and he’s running down to explore the beauty between your legs. “--can’t do that unless you actually want to commit to me.”
“I am committed to you.” The more your neck cranes off to the side and exposed to him, the more he wishes to etch the symbol of his love for everyone to see. A hand is hooked under your thigh to keep your legs spread open and you’re gasping at the slight pressure from the water.
“Romantically committed to me.” You remind him, but your train of thought is cut fairly short as Doyoung begins rubbing circles on your needy clit.
“You’re afraid of it showing up?” He’s lathering your breasts with bubbles and dragging his long finger along your slit. His greediness overtakes him and with wandering hands, he’s gripping every part of you that they can reach. Doyoung’s guilty pleasure is always going to any form of physical affection from you specifically. When he finally gets ahold of you, it’s hard for him to let go.
Your warm skin is delicate and smooth beneath the very tips of his fingers and every exploration of your terrain makes him feel inexplicable explosions of fondness. Perhaps, you’ve captivated him and although he believed it would take something as extreme as the Amortentia to have him falling for someone, you did it as easily as being yourself. His better half.
So, he’s impressed by your genuineness and how he’s willing to give up parts of his reputation to unapologetically be himself around you. No one else matters, nothing else matters, but why must it be so difficult to tell you that?
“I’m afraid of it not showing up.” You’re more than convinced that Doyoung has confused his strong sense of lust with love and there would be no possible way his Patronus would appear. It’s better to save the embarrassment for the both of you.
Spinning in his arms, the water twirls to the curves of your body and he’s admiring parts that expose above the surface. He’s matched with your beauty before him, resemblance to the stained glass window that situates above the large bathroom.
However, the doubt in your statement finally reaches his ears and he’s grabbing your ass as you settle over his thighs again. His furrowed eyebrows bring together a rather upset expression --- lip pout and all.
“Why wouldn’t it show up?” Doyoung puzzles, bringing your arms to wrap around his neck. Leaning into him, your pruney fingers trace his smooth chin and he notices your quick flicker between his eyes and his lips.
While your gentle kiss reassures him of your subtle endearment, your next words do the opposite. “You tell me.” All you do is push him away with your vague doubtfulness, like you’re constantly testing him and using his poor guessing skills to your own advantage. He can pull you close after any altercation he wants, but you push him away in any emotionally romantic sense.
“You’re rather mischievous and mysterious today,” Doyoung squeezes your ass and smacks it lightly, causing ripples in the water. “I liked it better when you told me everything you felt.”
Suddenly, his fingers poke at your entrance and his other hand drops in between your legs again. Your mouth opens in shock when his long fingers enter slowly and he enjoys the pleasurable contour of your reactions. “Like this, for example.” The pad of his fingers working rapid flicks against your sensitive bud. “How does this feel?” His whisper dances across your shoulder, landing a kiss at the end of his question.
Your moans echo in the lavish bathroom, bouncing off the marble walls and encouraging Doyoung to keep a steady pace. There’s no worry about how loud you may be, Doyoung charms every room before every lustful encounter. This allows you to let go, let free, let him know how he makes you feel.
He curves his fingers into you, pumping and dragging into your tightness until you’re practically screaming. He only has one thought, as his eyes trail down your intoxicated needy figure, how beautiful you are as a moaning mess under his control. Your head is thrown back, eyes are squeezed shut and opening them to see nothing but tiny yellow starlight.
Dainty kisses line your exposed neck line and his ego swells with so much pride. Doyoung has mastered every flick of his wrist to have you under his trance, spewing nonsensical words and forgetting anyone else that exists. He gives your erect nipples harsh licks and with a faint drag of teeth, the sensation pushes you to your end.
Sporadic pleasurable convulsions cause your legs to close around Doyoung’s hands, but the strength of his knee keeps them apart. “Doyoung… I’m going to free fall.”
Leave it up to you to beautifully announce your climax. He snickers, applying more pressure on your clit and a rubbing motion against your walls. “I’ll catch you.”
Moon crescents embed into his skin as you’re holding onto him with your whole life. As your scream hits every octave, the massive collection of bubbles that cover the surface of the bath fly and splatter every corner of the pristine room. 
White and wet bubbles drip down from the walls, falling from the diamond chandeliers, and coating every steamy mirror. Doyoung’s eyes light up from the chaos, making sure you’re riding out your high for as long as he can provide.
Your body trembles with euphoria, falling forward into Doyoung’s chest and squeezing around his lazily pumping fingers. For a brief second, your mind is wiped and nothing in the world feels better than being in this perfect moment with the one person who’s Patronus you hoped would etch your skin.
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If one possesses feelings that are practically unbearable to contain, one should confess… right? For all your life, you’ve lived by this statement. Friends do not hear the end of it and most surely, one should follow their own advice… right?
So why do you yearn for Doyoung in your gaze as he stands across the Great Hall as if he doesn’t know of your existence? As if he wasn’t kissing you in the Prefect bathroom a few days prior?
It’s not an understatement to say that you catch the attention of almost every person in the room, but the one head that refuses to turn your way… the one who’s looks you wish to steal… is the one person who looks right through you.
Feelings have become a nuisance ever since the first time you confessed to him and it was worse than landing on cobblestone after falling off your broom. The reason why you’ve buried them deeper than any chamber is that you’re positive that the prized Slytherin would rather be with another, preferably one from his own house.
While you try to remain optimistic and playful for the time being, you’re simply replaceable to him. He can barely care to acknowledge you in public when Gryffindors boast about you in their arms like winning a trophy. You’ve kept good relations with every Ravenclaw you’ve slept with. You’ve kindly rejected every romantic gesture another Hufflepuff has offered.
But if there is one thing you’ve learned about him is that he’s lived in his Slytherin circle for as long as he lives. And it will stay that way. You’re his sweet Hufflepuff that he’ll push away at no cost, then pull you back in secrecy.
Now if one feels as if they’re wasting their time, one should leave… right? Wrong. Kim Doyoung has skewed with your morality… and your feelings remain loyal to him since the day he confessed to see you again.
“Lemon-drop, I’ve been looking all over for you.” An arm slings around your shoulders and the notable red and gold tie is the first thing you see. Jung Jaehyun, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, flashes his deep dimples at you. “Walk with me.”
He extends his palm out for you to take and your friends painfully elbow your sides to wake you from your hesitation. Taking his hand, you get up from the dining table and follow him out the Great Hall.
Doyoung sees the scene unfold before him and rolls his eyes at how Jaehyun’s dimples are all it takes to have you wandering off with him. Despite every wicked intent to follow you two, he heads out in the direction of the dormitories to fume in his room.
“It’s such a nice and sunny day today.” Jaehyun runs a hand through his luscious brown locks. You both exit into the front courtyard as other students are scattered on the lawns mingling with one another. When you peer up at the sky, the sun is barely seen past the layers of clouds.
“Jaehyun, is there something you needed to speak with me about?” His laughter roars, full of hefty song and amusement.
“Listen, lemon-drop. I like you and I have a feeling you feel the same way. I want to mark you if you’d let me.” Jaehyun smirks and just as he brings your hand up for a kiss, you gently let go. “Am I coming off too strong? We don’t have to do it today, I just wanted to see if it would show.”
“Jaehyun, you’re going to find an extravagant person one day. A person who is going to know all your favorite castle balconies to swing from and how you like to be kissed on the nose.” His ears grow a bright red and for once, his gaze drops to the ground. “I am, unfortunately, not that person for you so I must kindly reject your confession.”
As you turn on your toes, Jaehyun lightly holds your wrist to stop you. “But, you know all those things about me. Is there anything I can do to prove that we belong together?”
“I know them because I care enough to remember things you tell me, not because I loved you enough to observe these things about you. I give you my word that there is nothing you can do to prove me otherwise.” The corners of his lips dip downward and you’re running to the one person that will erase this sad rejection from your memory.
When you’re scanning the Great Hall for any sign of him, he’s not there and it leads you to his only hiding place. Doyoung loves to shut himself out from the rest of the school whenever he gets the chance. However, a lost Hufflepuff wandering outside the entrance of the Slytherin dormitories is rather an odd sight to see and you haven’t had the chance to form many connections from this house.
The sparse amount of Slytherins you know aren’t going to be passing by, unless with some stroke of luck, someone will be kind enough to open the door for you. Every person passes by you with questionable stares until a silver haired boy blinks at you with wide eyes.
“Who is it that you’re trying to see?” He asks abrasively, but softens his tone when he realizes that you mean no harm.
You bid him a small grin, “your Prefect.”
“And what for?”
“There is an urgent matter that involves him and he’s practically unreachable when he’s hiding away in his private room.” The boy narrows his eyes at you, but beckons you to follow him down to the Slytherin dungeon.
Excitedly, you hurry behind him and whisper over his shoulder, “what’s your name?”
“Nakamoto Yuta. No need to tell me yours, I’ll doubt he’d want me to know.” He spits and then, mutters the enchanted password to reveal the large green common room. “Come this way.” He leads up the boys’ dorms and walks briskly. Although you never mentioned a name, Yuta seems to already know who you’re here to see and it makes you wonder how he must know.
“Open up.” Yuta stops and knocks at the wooden door, Kim Doyoung written in a fancy penmanship on the center. “You have a guest.” He looks your way before rolling his eyes at Doyoung’s irritated tone through the other side.
“Tell them to leave.”
“He wants you to leave.” Yuta repeats, mostly to satisfy Doyoung’s nag.
“That’s fine. Thank you for bring---” The door swings open abruptly and Yuta almost loses his balance. Doyoung frantically turns his head side to side to comprehend what he is seeing. His ears felt deceived, hearing your voice through the door, he had to make sure it wasn’t you.
But you stand before him and Yuta. Here you are approaching him whenever he least expects it. “What are you doing here?”
“I came by to see you. I’ve been here plenty of times.”
“What are you doing bringing her in?” scolds Doyoung and the other boy shrugs carelessly.
“What was I supposed to do? Let her bat puppy eyes at several other Slytherins and have her telling everyone who passes her that she came here to see our Prefect? It was also getting cold out.” Yuta mumbles, but finds great entertainment at seeing how frazzled Doyoung has gotten by your presence.
“It was a bit chilly.” You admit and Doyoung groans, pulling you into his room and shutting the door on Yuta. “Thank you, Yuta.” You whisper through the crack between the door frame.
“It’s too risky for you to be searching for me around other Slytherins.” Doyoung paces the room and you notice his tie is loose and shirt is unbuttoned around his neck. “Why are you here?”
“A Gryffindor blew me off. I thought I’d come and see you with all the free time I can get.” Taking a seat at the end of his neatly made bed, your legs swing adorably and Doyoung almost doesn’t hear you.
“Jaehyun? Does he think he’s too good for you or something? That cocky dimple Gryffindor, with the draw of my wand---” Doyoung whips out his intricately customized Dragon Heartstring, and you’re on your feet to calm his temper down.
“Will you put that thing away? I’m here for you.” Your giggle warms his tight chest and puts out the fueling flame for anyone who dares to hurt you in any way. “It’s not a big deal and it’s not the first time it has happened.”
Doyoung uncomfortably clears his throat and withdraws his wand. Buttoning up his shirt, he fixes his tie back in place. To say the least, your words erupted his festering jealousy and this may have been a small tipping point.
Before you had entered, he was so frustrated with himself and you. You can just walk away with another man without a second thought, in front of him too. He remembered the soft feeling of your body and how he’s not the only one who’s needy hands ran their course over you. That may be the one pain he can never get rid of.
“I never understood why you give other men the time of your day when they just brush you off undeservingly.” He stings and you’re slightly surprised at his sudden attack. When you respond in silence, he continues.“I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?”
Crossing your arms, your weight is barred on your left leg and there is a shift in your overall mood. With an eyebrow raised, you sass him back, “People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you chase after me?”
Doyoung swallows hard and blinks at you speechless. A clammy hand runs through his black strands as he tries to find any possible explanation without confessing his feelings. If he had a plan to confess, it would never be in the middle of an inquisition with you.
“I guess you didn’t think before acting on your desires.” And how he hated how correct that statement is. He doesn’t ever think whenever he’s around you. All his actions are conducted with his emotions and the feelings that overtake him.
Doyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes at your rash comment. “Aren’t you supposed to have the strongest morality among all the houses?”
“Sleeping with multiple men isn’t morally wrong. There’s nothing wrong with it…” The slight hurt from his question is difficult to ignore, but you must remember one thing if you want to protect your heart on your sleeve. This is nothing serious to be bickering over. You two aren’t anything serious, so why feel the need to squabble over nonsense? “... it would only be wrong if someone liked me and wished to commit to me.”
Your eyes meet and Doyoung blinks at you with wide eyes. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he gulps again, completely whiplashed at how the conversation has turned. “And if that’s the case and you like me, would that make you jealous, Doyoung? That’s why you’re trying to poorly attack my character?” He’s never heard such a strong taunt in your tone and he’s baffled by it, slightly aroused, but shocked.
“I don’t like you.” His voice is small and he pouts his lips at you. Doyoung crosses his arms and perhaps, his sad expression reveals a little more than it should have. Your heart softens at his ridiculously cute response, had you expected something much more angry and vindictive.
“Then this conversation is over, right? I’ll be on my way now. I have herbology.”
“We have the same class.” He grumbles, grabbing his robe from his desk chair.
You open the door to make your exit, “but since you don’t want to be seen with a Hufflepuff, I’ll go ahead first.” When you stumble out into the hallway, a recognizable face brightens at your appearance.
“Haechan! Hello, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You’re cheering and Doyoung chews the inside of his cheek. His pride is left at the door and along with all the things that hold him back from you, he doesn’t want to push you away anymore.
“My favorite Hufflepuff, are you just leaving?” Haechan walks up to open his arms, wishing to embrace you in the longest hug. However, Doyoung quickly takes you by your hand and rushes past him.
“She came to walk with me to class. Bye Haechan.” And Haechan is left standing in the middle of the hallway, confused and watching your backs as you’re both briskly walking out the common room.
Doyoung looks back at you, “you think I’m going to let you walk out of my room and have another Slytherin walk you to class? Don’t be so foolish.”
But you are foolish. Your heart beats foolishly and loudly for Kim Doyoung. And may you be foolish enough to wonder if his heart does the same for you.
And it does. Foolishly. Loudly. Lovingly.
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You both wonder if this vicious cycle will ever meet its end. Doyoung pushes you away by ignoring your existing relationship, but pulls you back into his embrace as if it never happened. You push him away by running off with other men, but come back to him as if he’s the one person you’re loyal to.
But on this particular night, after mass circulation of rumors reaches the ears of the lovesick Slytherin, Doyoung is pulling you away from your huddled group of friends in the middle of the long corridor hallways. Without any greeting, any spoken words, he’s dragging you to his room right in front of everyone to see. His hand around yours like it was two days prior, but with an expression so grave on his sullen face.
The silence between you two brings no comfort, but you don’t dare say the first words. Doyoung, finally, approached you first in public and it is possibly for a greater reason. Perhaps you’ve done something horribly wrong, and the moment you two step into his room that you’ll hear a mouthful.
However when he closes the door to his room, your hand immediately drops from his embrace and he turns to face you. There is a darkness in his eyes, one that light cannot touch, and his lips are tight in a line.
There is an eerie silence that fills the dark room and the murky windows paint the area an ominous green. Doyoung focuses on your confused, yet adorable expression. “Why did you lie to me?”
The door catches your slight stumble and you’re blinking cluelessly at him. “About what?”
“Jaehyun.” He breathes the name in spite and aggressively loosens his tie. “He didn’t blow you off. You rejected him and he’s telling everyone it's because you’re in love with someone else.”
You scorn at such a ridiculous rumor and for the fact that it’s even made its way around to Doyoung. Another realization hits you. All it took for him to approach you in public is a meaningless rumor.
So in response, you laugh and it mocks him further. “This is not a laughing matter, y/n.”
“I’m sorry, but why are you so upset at that? Fine. I did lie to you, but I never told Jaehyun I was in love with anyone else.”
“Are you in love with someone else?” Doyoung says with balled fists at his side. There is a mixture of anger and sadness running through his veins and he’s so sick of feeling this way.
Your hesitation speaks for you, “It’s better that you don’t know.”
“You say this every time and it does nothing to ease my conscience.” Doyoung throws his hands in the air and stares at you with sharp eyes. “Is that why you were afraid that my emblem wouldn’t show up? Because your heart belongs to another. Yeah, I heard Jaehyun wanted to mark you too.”
Men and their constant want to prove something to themselves with their marks. Everyone has a twisted reality of markings now. There have been many others who have tried to mark you, feeling as if lust would be enough to suffice its appearance. As one's Patronus is special to their own protection, a beloved’s Patronus mark holds the same value.
You’re quite at a loss for words, “I was afraid that it wouldn’t show up, not because of myself, but because of you.”
Doyoung points at himself in disbelief. Him? He loves you more than anyone he’s ever encountered, even if you didn’t know it. “I wouldn’t have almost tried it if I wasn’t sure of myself.”
“You don’t love me, Doyoung. I don’t even know if I can even say you romantically like me.” Those words hurt the both of you and it lingers in the room for longer than you’d like.
“Do you think I fuck you meaninglessly like all those other losers you sleep with?” Doyoung steps forward, pulling you into his chest and admiring everything he’s fallen in love with. A pain spreads across his heart as he thinks of you with another person, of someone else kissing you, of someone else making you happy.
“You really don’t feel it in the way I kiss you?” He asks once more and your own stare drops to his shoulder, a bit ashamed to maintain eye contact with such pained eyes.
“And if I did? How would you explain that? That you are actually in love with me?” Your questions pelt him like rocks. As he pushes you on his bed, you pull him down with his tie.
Doyoung drinks you up like fresh water, a crisp and refreshing love that encourages him to reach heights. His hand cups your face and his feather touches reminds you of his gentleness. Your lips taste like sweet honey, dripping and coating him with a sticky sugar.
He’s happier with you and he’s the happiest kissing you. Perhaps, it’s hard for him to express with words, but he’d always hope his actions speak louder. So, his lips press against yours with a whirl of passion and every good feeling that grows in his chest.
The collar of his shirt is wrinkled in your fist and you’re holding him as if you’re afraid of him letting go. Doyoung runs a hand down your torso and lifts the end of your skirt up. A warm hand pushes your legs apart and a finger presses your clit through your cotton panties.
Your mouth opens into a moan and he takes this opportunity to shove his long tongue inside, lapping with your own. As a wet spot forms on your panties, he pulls them to the side and gathers the slick to gently rub your erect clit. His name is lost and muffled in the kiss, but you tap at his chest.
When he breaks away and halts all movement, he looks down over you with a fire burning in his dark orbs. And a confession falls from his swollen lips, “may I mark you?”
“And if it doesn’t show up?” Though, you’re wishing to the most powerful wizards that it does or else your heart would shatter into a million pieces beyond repair.
He bites his lip and every possible outcome scatters his thoughts. It’s too hard to concentrate, so he doesn’t at all. He focuses on your pretty lips and the way you look at him like he’s the only person that matters. “Then, we’ll deal with the consequences later.”
With your quick nod, Doyoung attaches his lips to your neck and harshly sucks at your skin. For the most part, it’s a pleasurable feeling and sends a shiver down your spine. So, he licks and nibbles until he can barely breathe. Your faint scent of patchouli and ginger intoxicates him, wraps him up in a fuzzy coziness that is unmatched.
Your hands unbutton his shirt and a final gentle bite seals his mark. If the love is reciprocated, the emblem would take a moment to form. Doyoung is rather hopeful and excited, as he’s never seen his Patronus before. “You look beautiful.”
“And you look dazed as if someone charmed you.” You giggle and kiss his red lips.
“You’re quite the powerful one, my Puff.” He smiles against your jaw before proceeding to your mess down below. He gives your aching clit a few licks, which cause your body to twist and turn at the sensitive sensation.
“Please, I haven’t felt you in so long.” Whining and tugging at his hair, Doyoung leaves a lasting kiss and gets up to remove his pants.
“Did you miss me?” Doyoung raises a suggestive eyebrow and cocks his head to the side in mockery, a smirk growing on his face.
You reply with a silly response that only he knows and causes him to chuckle, “unfortunately.” And he’s finding every way not to confess his endearments for you.
His dick stands tall and proud against his abdomen, giving it a few jerks as he watches you strip out of your own clothes. You turn around and sit on your knees, with a slight tilt forward and the arch in your back to accentuate your ass.
Doyoung rolls on the protection as quickly as he can. His hands lightly smack your cheeks and slowly enters your dripping hole. His hands grip your hips as he slides deeper into you, both being moaning messes at the delicious feeling.
“Have you always been this big?” You look back at him and to which he devilishly smiles at you.
“You know just the way to fuel my ego,” when his length is fully buried inside of your tight walls, he wraps an arm around your waist and a hand on your tit. “After all the times you’ve been fucked, your pussy is still as tight as ever.”
Doyoung slams hard into you, showing no mercy and causing you to jolt up. He takes every frustration, every feeling of anger, every ounce of jealousy into his thrusts. “But you take me so well, darling. I’ve never seen someone as pretty as you.”
His compliments cause your heart to soar, despite the soreness you’re beginning to feel in your pussy. He’s relentless, bottoming out until his tip is practically in your guts. “Just like that, baby. You’re the only one who fucks me this good.”
He blushes under the low light and leans forward to kiss the top of your head. “My Puff, you’re so sweet to me.” The loud squelch of your tight pussy gripping his dick fills the hot room, “and so wet.”
You’re shamelessly dripping on his green velvet blanket and Doyoung picks up his speed. Your knees give out as you fall face forward into the mattress, hands in fists from the incredible pleasure of every hit. Your ass now in his full view and every tingle of magic lights up in his veins.
Your throat is raw from screaming and moaning, Doyoung holds your hips steady to thrust into a new angle. Automatically, your body twitches as his tip hits your special spot and he’s well aware that you’re close to releasing.
And with his fast thrusts, he asks you an intimate question that is fueled by envy and rage. “If I fuck you the best, then why do you sleep with other men?”
There are no thoughts in your mind to even give him a white lie, to mask the truth of your actions. He’s fucking you into an oblivion that it’s hard to even focus on anything besides pleasure. The books on his shelf begin to tremble as you’re crying out, “I- I don’t know! Fuck, please… ! I’m tipping over.”
“Answer the question or I will stop.” He’s absolutely cynical and you have every reason to believe his threat. Doyoung lifts your limp body upright, against his torso and an arm secured around your middle as before. His hand snakes to your clit, rubbing feathering circles over the neglected bud.
Nonetheless, his single action paired with his tip grazing harshly against the particular spot causes your legs to tremble. “Do you want me to stop?” His threat rings in your ears when you still left him without an answer.
You’re so close, you’re starting to see white. So, you say what your heart tells you and the truth falls from your lips in a loud confession. “Because I wanted you to love me instead! I fucked them to forget about my love for you… fuck, I’m--”
“I’ve got you. Let go of yourself, baby.” Doyoung slows his hips when your walls squeeze around him sporadically. Every book flies out and hits the opposite wall, clattering the floor with heavy academia. However, he repeats your proclamation endlessly in his mind and his heart surges with the most intense romantic desires.
“I do love you, y/n.” He whispers, cumming into his rubber and simply holding you tightly. He lets go of every prideful arrogance in his body, tossing the lame reputation he always tried to hold onto. He didn’t need that if it meant losing you. Doyoung chuckles to himself for being an obvious cliché, announcing one’s love in the midst of a lustful act. He pulls out and gently tucks you into the covers.
Breathless, you’re finally realizing his confession. “You do? Are you sure?” Any subtle movements has your aching lower half in pain, so you settle with resting on his plush pillows and await for him to join you in bed.
All this time, from beginning to now, you’ve been oblivious to his yearning looks across the Great Hall. The intensity of his kisses had been lost upon you completely as you had convinced yourself that he was incompatibly of loving you back. Even now, as you lay in slight doubt, you’re wondering how you managed to have everything fly over your head. 
When he discards his used protection and with a quick flick of his wrist, every book finds its original place on the shelf again, he enters the warm covers. Your arms wrap around his neck and you’re admiring each other’s expressions in the low light. He spots the notable twinkle in your eyes and his thumb lightly rubs your cheek.
“If the symbol of my Patronus doesn’t show, I promise to love you harder until it does.” Doyoung leaves the softest, most loving kiss on your lips. He’s more than thankful for the lack of light as he’s bashfully red all over his cheeks.
“Usually, people just give up.” Your voice is harsh, possibly from the deafening screaming of pleasure prior.
Doyoung shakes his head. He’s made too many mistakes in this relationship with you. Sleeping with another. Ignoring your existence. Being too prideful to be seen with another house. All these incidents have made him feel nothing but ugliness and distraught, and pushed you away further than how much he is able to pull you back.
He loves you. He’s in love with you. He’s fallen for you recklessly as you did off your broom the first encounter. You’re everything he’s never been and never will be, yet you don’t care. You’re by his side, despite his spitefulness and you never miss a beat. That innocent youth approach to love, oh how he wishes it never faded, and though he thought it did, it didn’t. You remain true to your character when he fights with himself internally.
“That would be a mistake and I can’t afford to keep making them.” A glossy sheen over Doyoung’s regretful eyes, but you pull him closer and you refuse to let his eyes wander.
A tired harmless sigh escapes your lips and a dreamy haze overcomes you. Besides the reminder of needing to use the bathroom flashing in your mind, there is nothing else you want to dissect. Feelings are too complex to discuss at the moment and the resolve has already passed.
Regardless of the marks appearing, you’re content with the night and for the rest of your days. Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, loves you back and the power of that alone beats any spell in those dusty old textbooks.
“Why can’t we lay here forever?” Your heavy eyelids fall slowly and your voice grows small.
Doyoung kisses your shoulder, then your neck. “That’s impossible. I can’t give you forever.” He mumbles against your skin, sending vibrations across your throat.
“You are my forever.” Doyoung halts and is left speechless as a white glowing entity catches his eye. And the absolute perfect outline of his Patronus sits underneath your jaw, brightly shining with iridescent brilliance --- he makes out the outline: a White Swan, representing his love for you. Doyoung smiles to himself and hopes for it to never fade. Perhaps, he can give you forever.
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some fun critical questions to think about hehe -
why do you think y/n lied to doyoung about jaehyun confessing? why do you think yuta helped y/n enter the Slytherin dormitories? what is the meaning behind the White Swan Patronus? Why do you think y/n continued to like doyoung after all this time?
there are no right or wrong answers, just something fun to have you thinking a little more about the fic haha if you want, you can send me an ask about it :) but overall, no pressure and thank you for reading! please leave me some feedback if you can! happy new year!
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