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trshpando · 3 years

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Rewriting Twilight (2009) cause I’m bored

- I may or may not be looking into this as a modern thing bc fuck the 2000s lmfaoooo so let’s say... 2017? that works right ?

- Okay, starting off, can we pLEASE give Renee a better reason for ABANDONING HER TEENAGE DAUGHTER? literally just the while leaving to be on the road thing just, pisses me off so badly

- okay okay okay hold on if i have to go into that route to fit with the story🙄 can we at least do it so that renee and phil take bella to forks instead of just being like “yup here’s your plane ticket see ya whenever” like renee at least takes bella and helps her settle in, even if she and charlie aren’t on the best of terms they’ll get along for their daughter

- growing up, charlie was way more involved with bella. she would spent several weeks during summer with him in forks, and the occasional time in several other places given that charlie got the time off

- while in forks, bella and charlie would spend time with the blacks; billy, rebecca, rachel, and jacob. she and the twins were closer than she and jacob ever would be, but the four of them were always disappointed when bella had to return to arizona

- bella and renee were like a perfect lil mother-daughter duo up until bella realized how lonely her mother was and encouraged her to date. although she was the one to encourage her, there was an immediate shift in their relationship

- when bella moved to forks, she hadn’t seen charlie for years—having decided herself to just, stop visiting. the few days renee was spending in forks with her were very much, as the kids say, awkward as fuck

- the boys in the high school weren’t just, so attracted to her? like have you been a new kid in a school? you’re the interest for like a week or two and then everybody is like eh whatever

- she still met mike, jessica, and angela and whoever the other guy is, um his name isn’t on the wiki so pardon me and they are absolute best friends, minus mike who 100% has a crush on her from the moment he sees her

- ERIC HIS NAME IS ERIC

- jessica, angela and bella totally have girl nights and you cannot tell me otherwise i mean theyre 17 ofc theyre gonna have girl nights and hangouts all the time

- jessica and angela help bella settle into the school, angela actually asks for bellas help for tips for the newspaper from time to time

- CULLEN TIME BB

- bella and edward are intrigued with one another but after that one day in science (biology? idk science class let’s go) bella thought he was kind of a massive dick and didn’t want anything to do with him, especially after jessica mentioned that he was totally closed off from everyone except his family

- okay fr cullen time

- i 100% am keeping the stories of emmett rosalie esme and carlisle cause yes

- one thing i do want to change, my girl rosalie is poc<3 fuck that white cullen vampire bullshit

- jasper was nOT a confederate soldier, fUCK THAT he was drafted, upset about it, but he still tried his best to make his country proud—which maria took advantage of.

- alice is poc too<3 we love poc women in this home<3<3

- (im only saying poc the rest is up to you<3>)

- can we pUHLEASE have the cullens act like regular people? instead of “oh those foster siblings and their love lives, oh dr cullen adopt me pls” can it be like, yeah carlisle and esme are foster parents and the only ones they’ve really “adopted” are edward and alice. rosalie and jasper are twins, and they just kind of have permission to live with the cullens and then emmett comes from let’s say an abusive home and the cullens were like wow fuck that shit we give you shelter AND THATS LESS WEIRD THAN FOSTER SIBLING LOVE

- AND THEY DONT SPARKLE IN THE FUCKING SUN, PLEASE

- okay back to regular programming

- edward still saves bella from getting crushed, and bella tries to talk to him about it but after edward is rude once again bella just says fuck you and bounces off

- jessica angela and bella say fuck boys and decide to do a girls group to prom bc my girls are besties

- edward knows that bella is his mate but he is pushing her away bc of her being human and he’s hurting bc of it

- despite his protests, alice befriends bella on her own and becomes close to her, with bella even inviting alice to join her and the girls to girls night — alice 100% tries to invite rosalie, but she only goes when she has nothing to do

- victoria james and laurent are still 100% tracking the cullens

- jessica angela bella alice and rosalie all go dress shopping. rosalie goes for the dresses while alice goes to watch over bella for edward. bella still detaches from the group, and gets harassed by that group but ITS ROSALIE THAT SAVES HER bc fuck if she’s gonna let another woman go through what she went through

- it’s through alice and rosalie that bella realizes the truth about the cullens (with the help jacob and his lil group making comments about the cullens)

- alice invites bella over to the house a lot, mostly trying to get edward to get close to her but it mainly just became a thing of bella getting close to literally everyone but edward bc he’s a pussy and doesnt wanna be near her out of fear of hurting her

- it isn’t until the baseball game (which rosalie thoughtfully invited bella to) and james victoria and laurent attack that edward finally admits that he is attracted to bella but at this point she’s like yeah that’s cool but you’ve been nothing but rude to me so

- as much as it pains him, he settles on just being friends with her

- the same tricky james story is the same. he tricks her to the ballet studio and tries to kill her blah blah blah

- edward tries to suck the venom out of bella’s system and nearly kills her in the process; rosalie and carlisle practically have to drag edward off of her, with rosalie taking him out of the building while carlisle takes care of bella

- everything is happily ever after, bella is in the hospital but edward isn’t there. he can’t trust himself around bella anymore, nor does he want to be near her after having almost killed her, though she doesn’t blame him cause he was really just trying to save her life

- bella still goes to prom, but it’s as a group instead; her, jessica, angela, mike, eric, and tyler (the guy that almost killed her with his car lmao) all go as a group.

- the cullens be there too with edward watching over bella but the moment she tries to talk to him, edward bounces.

- victoria still watches over, a plan already set in motion to kill bella as revenge for the cullens killing james

#twilight #twilight rewrite #Bella swan #edward cullen #rosalie hale #jasper hale #Emmett cullen #alice cullen #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #Charlie swan #Bella cullen #twilight new moon #twilight breaking dawn #twilight eclipse

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h0neyjaehyun · 3 years

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☁︎ 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤 ☁︎

Summary // Tali decided maybe a little flirting won't hurt....oof.

Characters // Talia Flores + Jung Jaehyun(ft.Nct 127)

Era / Year // July 2017

Word Count //

Note // I would like to thank @woopetals for this🥰, ya girl was struggling anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY OUR VALENTINE BOY JUNG JAEHYUN❤❤❤

"Hey cutie." Jaehyun came into her room laying beside her. She looked up from her book then looked back down and shook her head.

"So you not gonna acknowledge me?" Jaehyun looked offended. Tali looked at him.

"Oh, were you talking to me, I thought you were talking to someone named Cutie." She put a hand on her chest and acting dramatic. Jaehyun rolled his eyes about to leave.

"Ohhh no no no, stayyyy." She whined grabbing on to his shirt.

"Will you respond to me then?" He raised an eyebrow at her and gave her a teasing smile. She slighty lowered her head and pouted.

"Fine, but come on and lets go the cafè handsome." She said getting off her bed, poking his cheek along the way. He loaded for a second but shook it off thinking, no she just playing no way she is gonna keep this up.....

Boy was he wrong.

They left the dorm, and she had a cute smile on her face. Then she suddenly hooked her pinky to his and and took him to the elevator. He was surprised at the sudden contact, he knew he was screwed.

She was humming all the way to the cafe still hooking pinkys. He was just admiring her honestly, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

They made it to the cafe and they got their drinks. They sat down at a table near the back to privacy.

"Whats with you, why you such in a good mood?" Jaehyun asked really curious what got her such in a good mood. She smiled at him and came closer to his face looking him up and down, as he slighty backed away from the sudden closeness. She giggle at his action, she then whispered.

"You."

She quickly went back to her seat sipping on her coffee smiling innocently like she didn't make the handsome man infront of her freeze from her act.

"I- I-"

"shhhh,come one lets go get food and have a picnic." She interrupted him grabbed his hand and dragging him to get some chicken.

Jaehyun's brain malfunction a bit he's not gonna lie, he wasn't expecting that. They got the food and went to the Han River instead to get more privacy.

"Here Cutie." He said smirking, trying to feed her but he is extra close. He was in competition mode, no way he is letting Talia win this.

Tali looked at him she took the bite confidently moved back and hummed.

"Im disappointed Jaehyun." She sighed shaking her head. She then resting her head on her hand looking at him with a mechivious look on her face only a couple people have seen.

"I was hoping you would use your mouth to give me my food how disappointing." She said slightly eyeing his lips then cutely poking his cheek with a pout.

He has never been this surprised, its not the first time Tali has flirted back but its only little comments not full on flirting. His soul left his body, he was a still statue. Tali noticed this and started poking him to get back to the real world.

"Jaehyun~ come back."

"Oh- uh-" he stumbled around his words now fully realizing what just happened. She started giggling when she noticed his ears were turning red.

"Aww, wait I'm sorry, now I feel like I went too far." She said trying to cool his ears down with her hand.

"Oh n-no no your fine I wasn't expecting that." Now replacing her hands with his. She giggle again at his embarrassment, she looked up to the sky noticing it was getting dark.

"Come on mi Bon bon lets go home." She sighed grabbing his hand to get him up. He smiled at the nickname and shook his head. He cleaned up while she was getting smoothies.

"Wow, I really dug a whole for myself." He whispered to himself. He catched up with her and hooked his arm with hers and gave her a cheeky smile.

"Now whats got you in a good mood?" She questioned him with a smirk. He had a cheeky smile on display.

"Because I get to brag."

"Brag?"

"Yeah.." He said now getting a closer to her, while eyed him.

"Cause I had a date and with the one and only Tali when she is usually busy. Dont you have to work the rest of the week and next?" He questioned her for some reason getting more happy.

"Uh yeah why?" She asked him little confused. He chuckled.

"Well it looks like no one can take you out on a date now can they? Not when you are busy." He said smugly.

Then it hit her.

This man took her on a date, flirted with her and with the addition of her flirting back, on her last day off. No one can take her on a date for the rest next couple weeks because she has a comeback with Blackpink so she can't even have a mini date with the members because she wont even be around them.

She looked at him so offended.

"You...you did this...for what?" She questioned him as they make it to their building. He laughed at her question.

"I have bragging rights now, your last day, you flirting back willingly and good at it too." He said chuckling too. She just had a blank face internally regretting the past what 3 hours maybe a couple more of her life. But she then didn't, since she had fun.

She shook her head at him now suppressing a smile from coming to her face.

"What am I going to do with you Bon bon?" She said putting in the pin code to the dorm. Knowing that she now has to face the consequences of today. He chuckled once again and had a smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around her waist and head on her shoulder.

"Love me more." He said slyly.

"Ha in your dreams." She retored back now opening the door. She saw the boys in the living room chilling.

"Hey guys we are back." She said smiling at them while Jaehyun straighted up with a smug smile on his face but still has a hand around her waist.

"Buuub~" Haechan whinned going up to her about to hug her but Jaehyun's hand was in the way.

"Ay hyung move your hand." Haechan said trying to swat off his hand from her waist so he can hug her the way he wants.

"Nope." Jaehyun said now hugging her fully, pulling her away from Haechan.

"Heyyy." Haechan whinned holding on to Tali's arm.

"Where did you guys go anyway?" Doyoung asked ignoring Haechan's whinning.

"We went to-

"Went on a date."

Everything was quiet, the boys were processing what Jaehyun just said.

"WHAT" Haechan screeched out, making Tali srunch up a bit to Jaehyun's chest now giving him to opportunity to hug her tighter.

"But, WE MADE A DEAL NOT TO SPEND ALONE TIME WITH HER TODAY!" Taeyong yelled out feeling betrayed.

Now Tali was even more confused."What?"

"So we made a deal not to hangout alone with you on you last day off because it would make be unfair...to the rest of us." Johnny explaines now kinda embarrassed.

"I didn't even suggest it Tali did." Jaehyun pointed out. Tali made an offened face but then thought about it.....she did, didn't she.

"Well you came into my room and I was bored what else was I supposed to do?" She defened herself.

"So flirting with me was one solution?" He pointed out.

"Nah don't put that on me you flirted first."

"You flirted Tali?" Taeyong asked surprised.

"Yeah a little."

"A LITTLE?" "YEAH A LITTLE."

"N-" "Shhhh I'm going to my room peace people I have a schedule tomorrow." She shushed Jaehyun from talking, she went to her shared room with Mark as she shared a room with him in 127 dorm when she stayed over.

Everyone saw her close the door and then they looked back at Jaehyun offended.

"So you went to her first?" Taeyong asked sassily.

"Yeah, it was nice for the mattera fact and she flirted back too which was the best part." He bragged then started sipping his smoothie.

"Ah Jaehyun whyyy." Taeyong whined knowing damn well he can't spend time with her for the next 2 weeks.

"She wanted to, and I gave her what she wanted." He defended himself.

Haechan huffed also wanting to have a date with her since he hasn't been able to properly hang out with her. Then he thought of something.

"TALI~ COME AND CUDDLE WITH ME TONIGHT!" He yelled out for her waddling to her and Mark's room.

"NO COME CUDDLE ME INSTEAD." Yuta yelled out shoving Haechan out of the way heading towards to door.

Then everyone else joined in.

Jaehyun was now smiling smugly sitting on the island chair looking at the chaos he had made sipping on his smoothie.

"You are proud of yourself aren't you." Johnny said sitting next to him.

"You have no idea."

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cosmojjong · 2 years

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WayV and Twice

hi! let's try!!

[if i'm familiar] wayv

favorite member if I have one: sicheng! idk if people use winwin more but i used to have like. such a soft spot for him around 2016/2017? then i kind of lost track. he is so cute. what is he up to now?

favorite song(s): i think it's electric hearts because before it came out we found out that it was originally a shinee demo! i remember listening to it so much because it gave me a mixture of odd/1of1 album vibes, it ended up in my most played songs of 2020!

why I don’t stan (yet) / if I want to: honestly my friend tried to get me into them multiple times, even before their debut i was excited because i was gonna see sicheng doing things again and then ten was in it too! but it didn't work, i realized i was like stanning only two members mainly. watching their two reality shows months ago with her was very fun, but i don't really vibe with with the entire group.

question for veteran fans: mmh im not sure? help. my friend has told me a lot of things. but, what is up with lucas? how did his situation turn out? because that was pretty disappointing 😭

[if i'm familiar] twice

favorite member if I have one: i don't think i have one! and i know this is gonna sound funny but my boyfriend's getting into them and is the one with a bias, momo (which... is very understandable).

favorite song(s): get loud! i discovered it randomly when checking out their feel special ep and i kept listening to it like it was my job.

why I don’t stan (yet) / if I want to: for me if i don't click with a group at first then it's never going to happen. i have known them since forever but never had that connection. i think i have been and will keep being a casual listener but that's fine!

question for veteran fans: i always ask this but do they ever sleep? because almost anytime i get on twitter jyp announced a new single or comeback. let these girls REST!

💌 send me a kpop group and I’ll answer!

#anon #ask #thanks friend <3

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b0ttl3d-up-st4rs · 3 years

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Well I'm gonna do what I do best and self reflect to an insane amount. This is probably gonna be a long post so buckle up.

To be honest my behavior for nearly the past year now is concerning to say the least. There's this little voice in my head that just desperately wants to get more and more hurt, more and more traumatized. Why is that? At first glance the negative approach could be to say its some sort of masochistic behavior and any negative repercussions as a result of this behavior is deserved, but I don't really think thats the case.

Self sabotage is a characteristic that can be exhibited in many mentally ill people and I am no exception. I think this behavior, of seeking to be hurt by grown men on the internet is partially self sabotage.

And I remember when I first started this shit show, I just wanted attention. Sounds mean to say, but craving attention is something the human soul desperately wants. And I was starting to feel some sense of self beauty but I didn't feel as though anyone around me was appreciating it so I tried to get attention from grown men because being showered in compliments and attention felt so good when my whole life I've never gotten any of that.

I think there's more too it, though. Looking back my whole life it's almost as if I've wanted to get hurt. In books I liked to sit around with the pain the characters felt. And its almost like I wanted to get traumatized. I've heard that people with trauma that they don't acknowledge is trauma or think its bad enough to be traumatizing seek put worse forms of trauma, in order to feel that pain is valid. And I think that's part of my issue too.

I do have unaddressed and repressed childhood trauma. I was given unrestricted internet at a young age and was exposed to the horrors of the internet. Nothing like straight up porn, but a lot of suggestive content. And in general being exposed to that caused me a lot of catholic guilt as I was raised catholic. I remember feeling like knowing these things were my fault. Many days I felt so guilty that I would pray to god to let me not wake up in the morning.

As a child I also questioned my religion a lot, which i think was traumatic in itself. Religion is a big thing. And as a kid I had a big issue knowing reality from fiction. Heck I still do. I remember as a kid my friend telling me that we were all demigods and one day we were going to run away to camp half blood. That the percy jackson books were real. It sounds stupid now, but I processed that as real and it was so stressful for me.

And I remember being 12 coming out as trans and as a part of the lgbtq community to my parents. They didnt react well. They said I was confused. My mom said I was both too young and too old to know. I fought a lot with my mom. And in general have a lot of unhappy memories from then. I was outed multiple times in my life.

My relationship with my parents still isnt good. My mom has a tendency to be toxic. I hate that I have to stay in the closet around my family its so painful. Like a month ago I mentioned the lgbtq community for the first time in years, asking my mom her opinions on it and if it changed since 2017, and it turned into her yelling at me and making herself a victim. It really hurt. I forgot how much it hurt.

I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad. We barely talk. Hes very emotionally distant. When I'm at my dad's house I sort of fend for myself. Its the exact opposite at my moms house. She's overbearing and never leaves you alone. It's like going between to extremes.

And honestly I can't wait to move out. My mom and I have arguments a lot. But hey at least I have some relationship with her, I don't really have a relationship with my dad.

I remember one time this year, I was during the end of a school semester. I needed to catch up on work because after talking to my abuser for like 5 months and then unlocking him I was left in shambles and fell into a really bad depression to where my motivation for school just disapeared. Im still dealing with that tbh. Anyways I had to go to a online meeting to choose my classes and I didn't get to choose the classes I thought I would be able to, and that made me really upset. But after the meeting I had to go to do am act of kindness (I chose picking up litter at a graveyard cause i like graveyards) for my school project but I was still distraught. If I was given some time to myself I probably wouldve been able to go without issue, but my mom wanted to go immediately. We argued. And when I got there I refused to leave the car because I felt so much like shit. We argued more. It was the worst argument I ever had. She even swore at me. Which she's never done before. And she ended up playing victim again. She does that a lot I guess. And doesn't really listen to my feelings. Whenever I try to communicate about my feelings with her it turns into an argument and she makes it about herself. So yeah our relationship isn't the greatest. And I think having mommy and daddy issues is a trauma in itself. Ppl deserve to have happy healthy supportive families.

Oh right and another trauma I completely forgot (funny how that happens) is when I was 14 and admitted to a mental hospital because I tried to off myself. It was so surreal and they forced me to learn how to make eye contact with people cause apparently thats "how they know im doing ok". Which is kinda fucked considering the fact I recently realized I might be autistic. And eye contact is literally so painful for me. It especially was back then. Anyways the place itself wasnt too bad but the feeling of being trapped overall sucks and being disconnected from the rest of the world isnt fun either. Also I dissociate all the time but I especially dissociated hard thru the whole experience. And sort of made myself into the perfect patient, repeating all their bs and literally lying to myself to convince myself that I was ok so they would let me go. So that was kind of weird.

Anyways I know I have it better than others. And honestly sometimes it's hard to tell what exactly was traumatic in my childhood. I probably forgot and repressed other parts of it too and am forgetting things. But needless to say these unaddressed traumas didn't help my mental state. And i do think that's a big part of the voice in my head begging me to just get hurt more.

Overall my mental state is fucked, It's been really hard for me not to be taken advantage of by another internet pedo. Heck the only reason that isn't happening rn is because no ones dmed me yet. Also I unblocked my old abuser and we are talking again now so thats fun. It definitely doesnt help the cognitive dissonance in my brain of him being actually a nice and supportive dude. I think thats also a part of me wanting to get more traumatized. Since my abuser is a nice person that should counteract all the fucked up sexual things he said to me in the past right? I mean others have it worse, had worse abusers that were actively cruel. That's part of the bitch in my subconscious brain talking. It sucks tbh.

Anyways yeah I probably need therapy but I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my current counselor and honestly its really hard to say out loud. I can talk forever about it by writing it down but the moment I speak words from my dumbass mouth I break down in tears and can't do it. Plus idk, I'm scared if I say anything she'll have to tell my parents and that my phone might be taken away or I'll have less privacy and for a closeted queer where my only current life line is the internet and my online friends: that is a terrifying idea. Idk. I'm fucked basically.

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totaldramaonline · 4 years

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Thank you for 220!!!

As promised I am making a proper post about it. Thank you all so much for following and supporting this blog!! I never could have expected it to get this many followers this quickly, or that so many people would enjoy my little AU, its amazing!! This post might be a bit of a long one but stick around because we are gonna vote on what to do to celebrate! I'm also gonna talk a bit about me and why this blog makes me so happy if anyone cares lmao

ok so item number one: the celebration

I have a couple ideas on what we could do so here they are (im also going to do a get 2 know OP sorta thing but that comes l8r)

Season one watch party

I would set up some sort of virtual chatroom/watch party thing and we all get to hang out and binge watch season 1 (as much as we can get through)

if this is the option ill probably have to do a second poll for what program bc Netflix Party requires everyone 2 have Netflix, Kast means everyone has to have Kast, etc.

Total Drama Commissions

So I like to think I've gotten decent at drawing in the style, I drew some of the photos in the posts as well as my own pfp so the idea is that I can draw whoever you want (yourself/OC/character) in the style for cheap. Deadass like 5 bucks idk.

Ask box slumber party

for this one to work yall are gonna have to participate but basically, we would all hang out for the night in my ask box! ill answer questions all night as fast as i can as they come in! ill probably post a few question starters and stuff

(personally this is my favourite option but it's up to you guys)

Voting is now closed (9/31/2020)

item number 2 on today's agenda goes under the cut bc it consists of me getting kinda sappy and rambling for a while

welcome to hell. I don't know when to stop talking to strap in.

Having this many people follow me in under 2 months is so fucking crazy. I never thought you all would be so excited about my little au, I made it for fun because I half rewatched the show with my sister and wanted them all to be friends, and I guess that's what you all wanted too! and then I realized there was sort’ve a fanbase and I was just amazed. This show is such a nostalgic show for me, it was one of the cartoons that my dad loved to watch with me and my siblings. (he's not dead I just realized how that sounds) I was probably 10 when they re-aired all three seasons on cable and we would get into it like it was a survivor and they were real people. I have 6 siblings, and all of us over the age of 10 were obsessed with this show at one point or another.

They don't make cartoons like this anymore. (i say, sounding old as shit and actually not knowing bc I don't have cable) But this show and 6teen are my favourite shows to rewatch now that I'm not a kid because there's so much hilarious shit I missed as a kid. No wonder my dad liked the show alone with us lol. But yeah, none of this really matters to the whole 200 followers thing, but I'm just so excited to see that so many people like the show as much as I did and do now ya know? so yeah, thank you for being here?

I really will try and keep up with this blog properly, it's just gonna be hard. As of right now, I have ELEVEN blogs, 5 of which I am actively creating content for, and I am starting a new job on Monday so that's gonna start eating my time. But that's why the queue is great! I try and fill it every few days, and ill do my best to keep that up (but bets are off when school starts back up, it'll probably have to be cut down to a few times a week)

anyways, if you have read this far, I'm sorry for all that and thank you?? you're amazing?? I'm gonna plug my other blogs for a second

@what-is-fanart-even is my main. Go here to see what I'm up to. I also do my art here, have my redbubble here, my main commissions, etc

@skyrim-said-that is the blog I'm probably most active on but unless you're into Skyrim it'll be boring lmao. I'm really only listing it so yall can see where I'm spending my time.

This is my Kofi if you wanted to uh support me? no push lmao I'm just putting it here bc I have it

I also have blogs for Outlast, Farcry 5, Red Dead Redemption, sitcoms(Gilmore girls, friends), IT (2017), and Fallout. ill drop URLs in the comments if anyone asks lmao.

and if you actually read this far you're the real fans, and I love you SO much. have an AMAZING rest of the month/year and i hope you're doing great!! Bye!!! ask box is open all the time if anyone wants to talk!! i love you all!!!!

#WHEW THIS BITCH IS LONG IM SORRY #im just excited ok #thats why im literally posting it at 2 am #ill rb in the morning #total drama #social media au #is my head too big? perhaps #like im aware 200 isnt a lot but also I LOVE YOU ALL #total drama social media au #total drama island #total drama action #total drama world tour #total drama au #poll

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chimswae · 4 years

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BTS Caretaker CH18

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4,121

- Author Note: I apologize if some of the thing in BTS caretaker sound cringy, i wrote this in 2017 lool so the old me is so hmmm , hahaha as much i wanted to edit it again, Im afraid i am gonna change the whole thing :< so i leave it be ahhaa thank u for reading <333

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Chapter 18

“To earth Ji Seul, why you look extremely lost these days?” Mrs Hwang nagged while her hand place the pancake swiftly filling the empty plate. Exhaling a tired sigh, Seul pinched the bridge of her nose easing the tense in her head. Her mother was not convinced with her answers, so she probed from Seul again “Did something happen at work? With the boys again? Or were you caught by their managers?” she bombarded her with questions.

Seul grimaced “It has nothing to do with the boys. Thankfully, I didn’t bump into any of them these days. They must be busy” her tone of voice was rather confusing at that time. Mrs Hwang on the other hand noticed the discomfort on her daughter’s face.

“If it has nothing to do with any of the boys, why Jin sent me a text in the middle of night just to ask your whereabouts?”

Seul look dumfounded as she flinched upon hearing Jin’s name “Why is he texting you and asking my whereabouts?” she mumbled with a little confusion evident across her face. As far as she concerned, the last text that they exchanged was two days ago. A simple new year message with a smiley emoji at the end of it, and she did give him a quick reply afterwards.

“According to Jin, he couldn’t reach you since yesterday”

“Why is he so clingy? What a mama boy, you are not even his mother. You are mine” Seul rolled her eyes in annoyance. Now, Jin went behind her back just to annoy her. Great.

“Technically, I raised those boys. They can claim me as their mother whenever they want. So, did you actually check your phone?” the older woman raised her eyebrows with so much interest. Most likely her interest was focusing on Seul’s love life. Considering how Jin would always come to her after his fail attempt to reach Seul, it appeared a little too fishy to her.

Her replied was a short no yet she quickly grabbed her phone to look for Jin’n text. Seul bit her lower lips reading through Jin’s message that sounded unimportant at first however her eyes rounded upon reading the last text left by him.

“OH MY GOD!”

“What? Why? What did Jin say?” glancing at Seul’s bewildered expression trigger her curiosity.

“OH GOD! I TOTALLY FORGOT!” she patted her forehead softly, humming to some low cusses. Unamused, Mrs Hwang gave her daughter a stern look still waiting for her answers, and the panic girl finally spoke up “They are filming their music video today, so Jin has already placed an order from our store a week ago. A food support for the staffs! I totally forgot about that. And I am in charge of it. Shoot, how can I forget that!”

“Tsk, Ji Seul when will you stop this clumsiness of yours”

She took a glance at her phone screen again “I only have three hours to prepare the thing” grunting under her breath, she tapped her fingers on the table nervously.

“And why are you still here? Go, before you upset your client!” her mother gave her a final look accompanied by a soft flick against her forehead making the girl squirmed. Pouting away the pain that consumed her, she leaned in giving her mother a quick peck on the cheek.

“I will get going now, don’t forget your treatment today. I have reminded Hoon about it, he is free this evening and will pick you up. Don’t go alone mother” she reminded her like an old grandmother causing the older woman to chuckle in her seat.

She nodded “Alright old woman, stop nagging me. Now, go!”

“Bye mother” with a final wink, clumsy Seul strutted to the main door with one hand tying her shoelace and other hand clutching onto phone near her ears. It would be one hell of a day if she failed to deliver it as requested. Her friendship with Seokjin was that close to the extent of exchanging the information of their personal life. The only thing he knew was Seul had another job which wasn’t only caretaking the boys, and that she worked in a tea shop.

Therefore, it led to this task that she’s willing to do for Jin.

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“Alright that cup should go that way, you don’t want them to knock it off when they line up later” Seul scanned the truck diligently making sure they reposition the things that she pointed out few seconds ago. With a satisfied smile, Seul beamed “That will do! Thank you” the male shot her a grateful smile and proceed with other job.

Thanks to Wongeun, she was able to complete everything within two hours since the guy kept on track of special services requested by their client making it easier for Seul tending her job. She arrived at the filming location that was set one hour away from the city. An abandoned building, and it was intimidating at first but as soon as her eyes laid on the vehicles and staffs working on the other side put her at ease. At least she was heading to the right place.

One of the staffs in her early 30’s walked up to Seul with a friendly smile “Are you here for BTS food support from Armys?” she tilted her head scrutinizing the banner hanging loosely against the truck.

“Oh no, this is actually BTS food support for the staff. They have personally hired our shop to deliver it for everyone” her small eyes rounded as if trying to process the information that she just received and soon to be replaced with a wide grin.

“Really? We are not aware of it! Thank you, I will bring you to meet their manager then. We are filming the last scene at the 4th floor” she escorted Seul as she nodded willingly, tailing the friendly staff from back. Seul had to find warmer place, her white was turning a rosy in the cold.

Gnawing at the area, Seul was amazed to see the huge set prepared for the filming. The filming set was even colder indoor, though it was dusty, she could see staffs running from every corner tending their job patiently. Since this was her first time, she was a little excited to witness everything in live. Every nook and cranny of the area were filled with staffs and expensive equipment. That made this thing turned into a little dreamy for herself. Not that she ever imagined taking a step into such a large set, it was more amazing to be able to witness the boys danced to their new songs before her.

Hiding behind the staffs, she took a peak at the loud music boomed across the room. She heard shuffled of footsteps against the dirty floor, they were dancing hard. Amused Seul could not take off her eyes at the boys dancing to the music so perfectly and every step taken by them were super on point.

Who could stop these babytan. They were beyond amazing.

She noticed how their hair colour had changed following their upcoming back. Even though, she was watching them attentively, Seul made sure to be careful just in case one of the boys noticed her presence there. Facing the boys were the last thing that she ever wanted today.

Light taps on her shoulder brought her out of her dreamy state “Miss, the manager is still out for an errand, but he requested you to wait in the waiting room” Seul smiled and complied to her words. Taking a last glance at the boys, she didn’t realize her eyes met Jungkook’s causing the maknae to lose focus for a second.

“Cut! I think we need to retake one more time, Jungkook’s part is not in sync with others” the director exclaimed.

Jungkook bowed deeply “I apologize for my mistake Director-nim”

“Nah, it is alright. You guys have danced for an hour non-stop. Let’s take five!” Jungkook’s eyes were diligently looking for that one person that he hopped to see ever since the new year night. Ever since the thing he had with Seul three weeks ago, he had no time to visit the girl. Another thing was that, he totally forgot to ask for her number instead he just fled into thin air that night without a word.

What would she think of him?

“Jungkook-ah, your makeup next to be fixed” said one of the stylists making the younger guy to turn to her with a blank expression getting ready to be pampered again.

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Hoseok was monitoring their individual shots from the cameras while cackling excitedly. Stood beside him was sleepy Jin, whom ended up laughing along to Hoseok sudden outburst as they made fun of each other. When Jimin’s individual shot came in slow motion, the two older guys hollered “Look at Jiminie! He looks so squishy here” Hoseok retorted.

“I look super awkward here, look at my hand” pointed Jimin with a small pout.

“No, you are not! You look great, this look need to be protected at all cost” Jin smug proudly, resting one of his arms on Jimin’s shoulder. Namjoon’s butt in, chuckling away showing off his dimple “How did you stroke your hair like that? Does this hair need to be comb all the time” the leader teased Jimin only to receive a small whack from Jimin across his arm.

“I think Namjoon hyung looks the coolest when he raps” Jimin returned the compliment earnestly. To be truth, Namjoon is a cutie behind the camera but when he’s on camera his character change instantly as he’s living up to the name, Rap Monster. The boys would always spend their times monitoring each other during the break and ended up with compliments or mere tease just to liven up the mood.

Yoongi on the other side was getting his hair styled back to its original state earlier this morning, and immediately snapped his head to the boys’ direction upon he heard his name being summoned.

“Yoongi hyung running is as funny as me running” Namjoon gruffy giggled garnered the older guy’s attention.

“YAH KIM NAMJOON I HEARD THAT” Yoongi scowled with a meaningful glare.

Namjoon raised his hand in defeat “I did not say anything, Jimin did” like a flash he fled from the scene before getting nagged. Jimin gave the leader a disbelief looks as he returned his attention back to the screen, joining others laughing at their new victims, Jeon Jungkook.

The younger guy came with a confused face at first and quickly turned sour as soon as he realized his hyungs were teasing him. Jimin glanced at Jungkook’s side profile, smiling warmly like a proud brother he is, earning the latter’s attention. Noticing the stare, he received from Jimin, he swung his arm around Jimin’s neck, breaking into his cute bunny smile. They needed no word to describe how much they cared of each other, it was long gone ever since they became friends.

One single look meant everything. It was well understood by them.

Burying himself in his jacket deeper to seek warmth at the corner was Namjoon. He leaned against the cold wall, with his eye fixated on his phone screen. A message popped up from his screen got him to straighten his body almost immediately, as his forehead creased into deep frown.

His eyes scanned the area carefully making sure no one caught him acting weird before he left the area to more secluded place. Namjoon’s slender fingers glided across the screen and pressed his phone closed to his ears desperately to reach someone “Come on pick up” he grumbled in annoyance.

Attempt after attempt yet he failed to reach that one person he’s been dying to see since the news broke. His heart was broken into pieces upon receiving the news from Bang Pd a day ago however he would not let the thing to mess up his concentration on this filming.

Not to mention, he was scheduled to meet Bang Pd tomorrow so what’s the point of bringing it up now. He refused to believe the rumours that he heard at first, but it became more evident when he failed to reach the person to get the confirmation. Was it just him or the person was trying to avoid him? The truth was out to public now. The person had been keeping the secrets away from him when he deserved to know the truth.

It was hard for both of them. Yes.

It was complicated. Yes.

It did not give that person any right to go behind his back and left him in the dark.

It was torturous for him too.

Namjoon had been trying to keep his composure cool since yesterday despite the issues that he’s having right now. He did not want to disappoint his bandmates not when they had worked so hard for this comeback. Bangtan topped everything, he could not risk the group for his personal problem. When this filming end today, he would solve this thing right way.

Yes, that was the actual plan.

It came to no avail, when she came unannounced.

“SHIT! PICK UP” he grew frustrated. Namjoon really wanted to stop her from ruining this filming but that woman was so thick headed. For once and all, he had to end this. With that, he picked up all his might to make a quick run to the south wings. He sprinted using the last ounce of his energy in hope he would be the first one to reach there. Things could go from bad to worst in the blink of an eye.

Namjoon could not let that happen. Not here.

‘Please please don’t be inside’ he chanted inside his mind on repeat as he made a sharp turn at the corner, entering the room. His eyes landed on a figure with her back facing him, and without thinking straight he embraced the person into a tight hug.

He knew she was struggling in his embrace, but he did not care any of that. All he cared was to hug her one last time before he heard the sad truth. “Nuna…Is it true” he buried his face at the crook of her neck, fighting his own tears. Namjoon inhaled her sweet scent which he found oddly different that she usually does. Did she change her perfume?

Screw that. He demanded answer from her now. It was the truth he needed.

Her heavy breathing could be heard clearly as she was about to say something, however Namjoon was quick enough to hush her with another reply “No don’t answer yet. I don’t think I am ready to hear the answer from you, nuna” said Namjoon. His voice was completely broken as his tears already cascaded down wetting her shirt.

She gasped knowing Namjoon was crying and ran her fingers to his arm that wrapped securely around her, trying to loosen it up a little but come to no avail. He held onto her even closer “Nuna..Why is this happening to us? I thought, you wanted to wait until we figure this thing out” the latter mumbled.

“I am sorry nuna, it is my fault. I should have just make up my mind about you. If and only I am being honest to myself and Bang PD, this would not happen. You would not be….married to someone else… and you lost.. your job because of me” her mind paused momentarily, and her heart sank allowing the sadness engulfed it darkening her world.

“I tried… I really tried to fight for us. I did not try hard enough. Why are you marrying him when you told me that you love me? Am I a fool to you? Does my world is a little bit too much for you to handle? Why…you lied to me? You ignored me for a month. You did not even look at me. You are disgusted of me. Am I embarrassing you?” Namjoon’s word came out at once as if he’s rapping through it.

It stabbed her heart, the pain that he experienced, she could feel it.

Another silence.

Namjoon’s breath was shaky, he bit his lower lips holding back the resentment that he had for her. All the time that he spent to fight for this love burnt down to ashes in one night. He felt his world crumbled down in front of him, what else could he expect?

She’s married to someone else.

She gave him hope when she knew it was impossible to be together again.

She fooled him.

She toyed his feeling.

She was toxic.

Their relationship was toxic.

And, it came to this.

He must end it.

“I…am letting you go. Loving you was a mistake. Holding onto you was a mistake. Falling for you was my biggest mistake. I will mend my broken heart but..i will never forget what you did to us. You always put the blame on me. Now, I know who to blame” Namjoon murmured, raising his head slowly. He’s ready to face the truth now.

Bang PD was right, there’s no point on holding onto something that’s not his.

If she really loved him, she would wait for him.

“Fate is to be blame. The time that we spent was beautiful, so did the things that pain us” she heard him continue with so much regret and anger. His harsh breath gave her a goose bump. She needed a moment to decipher everything that she heard, why was it so complicated? It burdened her to witness something that she’s not supposed to.

‘Seul you are in a deep shit’ she mentally cursed hoping that Namjoon would allow her to say something and free her from this.

“Namjoon-ah….what are you do-ing?” there was another voice behind them, a familiar one to Namjoon. It came to his realization that the woman in front of her was not the same person that he expected it to be. Reality hit him so hard making him to spin clueless Seul facing him “W..hat” his face was losing colour when her face came into the picture, it was, Seul, their caretaker.

“What are you doing here…..” he breathed.

The woman made way inside with discomfort look evident across her face “We need to talk Namjoon-ah…” she eyed Seul from head to toe with a hint of jealousy. Namjoon still could not believe he just said something foolish in front of Seul and as a result showing the weak side of him. No one knew about his relationship except for his members. For some reason, Bang PD discovered it a day ago that rendered him speechless.

Out of nowhere, their caretaker was there and witnessed something that she’s not supposed to, how screwed up this could be. There was a long silence between the three, and Seul was still a little tipsy over Namjoon’s unintended confession awhile ago causing her mind went numb.

A pair of warm and small hand wrapped around her wrist startling her, bringing her soul back to her body. Seul’s dark brown orbs melted into Jimin’s soft one as their eyes met “Let’s go, you are at the wrong place” he murmured under his breath. Giving a quick glance at Namjoon, the older guy averted his gaze from meeting him. He was too embarrass to face Jimin as if he could read Jimin’s mind demanding an explanation and to fix the mess that he created.

Namjoon watched Jimin and Seul figure disappeared from his vicinity leaving him and his lover in the empty room.

“Let’s talk then”

He would find his ending soon.

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The two of them were standing side by side at the rooftop, staring blankly into the darkness. Seul knew the scene awhile ago was not intended for her to see, yet she couldn’t stop replaying it inside her mind. Namjoon’s sadness lingered and scarred her. Just how much it pains him, she wondered.

“Are you alright?” Jimin inquired could not comprehend the silence anymore. He gazed at Seul with concern hoping the girl was not too affected by it. Jimin ended up following Namjoon a while ago since he wanted to notify him about the filming only to see the guy dashed in panic passed him. Hence, to his surprise, Jimin saw Namjoon was holding onto a girl inside the room and he heard everything. Seul’s presence inside the room surprised him even more then he realized Namjoon messed it up.

He did not want to pressure the older guy anymore, therefore he came into decision to bring Seul out of the mess and let Namjoon settled his issues first. Sooner or later, Namjoon would open up to them about his problem. Jimin’s main concern was Seul seeing how pale she appeared, he knew it was not a good idea to stall.

It took her a moment to regain herself back before responded to Jimin accompanied with a heavy sigh “Yeah.. I did not expect to witness that. I feel guilty for…you know.. invading his privacy. It is his secret” Seul looked down on her feet with deep guilt.

“Don’t be.. Things happen for a reason. Namjoon hyung was not in a right mind either to differentiate you with her” Jimin smiled sadly.

“I am sorry for being a nuisance. I am complicating things for him. I really hope she doesn’t misunderstand. That will be bad”

“She deserved that. She hurt hyung. She deserved to be hurt” She decided to seal her mouth and not to ask further questions. Seul looked up, scrutinizing Jimin’s sharp feature. His eyes fluttered close, as soft sigh escaped from his pink plump lips making him even more dashing under the shining stars. She could not remember when was the last time to see Jimin this up close probably ever since the embarrassing bedroom scene last year.

Until then, Seul had no chance to meet any of them as they were busy preparing for their comeback.

“What are you doing here Seul-ssi?”

“It has been a long time, right? Well, I am here to work. The food truck outside is prepared for the staffs as a gratitude from you guys. Didn’t Jin inform all of you at all about that?”

“Ah..yes Jin hyung did mention about the food support thing. Didn’t know you’re working for the company?” his cheeks were tugged upwards into a cute smile.

Seul smiled softly “I work for them, so it is a special request made by Jin a week ago. I was about to leave discreetly until something unexpected came up, I guess we are fated to meet after all” she rubbed the back of her neck. Speaking of fate, these days Seul decided to just follow the flow of her life instead of putting too much pressure and plan on it. She grew tired running away from the truth therefore she’ll see how things went then came up with counter measure afterwards.

“Cool. You are a caretaker and a tea lady” he retorted with a light chuckle.

She found herself smiling at the image of his pink ears, as it matched his hair due to the coldness. Seul pulled out the heat pack casually from her jacket, since she brought extras with her. “Jimin-ssi, you may need this” she tiptoed a little matching his level and pressed the heat pack on both side of his neck.

“Keep warm, you don’t want to get sick” her eyes glimmered brightly melting Jimin’s heart. Jimin was lost in her kind gesture, as his hand skidded on top of hers “Thank you” he squished her hands.

Seul turned crimson red at the contact “Hmm..No problem” she pulled her hand quickly which upsets him a little. The feeling was soon washed over by Seul’s next move. She took off her warm gloves and took his hand in her sliding the glove over it without trouble. Seul repeated the same step with his other hand without breaking the smile on her face.

“As I expected, it is the same size” she unconsciously caressing Jimin’s hand admiring it as if she’s the girlfriend. She bit down her tongue and hold back the coldness that started to lick her exposed skin. Releasing Jimin’s hand, she answered her phone nodding throughout the process. From the conversation, Jimin knew she’s ready to go but was he ready to see her go?

“Jimin-ssi, I have to go to meet your manager. Get inside and keep yourself warm alright? See you around” she never forgets to give a quick bow before leaving dazed Jimin behind. He smirked knowingly as he clasped his hand together loving the warmth from Seul’s knitted weave gloves.

#bts fic #bts fanfic #btscaretaker #jungkook x oc #yoongi x oc #bts fluff #bts romance #jungkook fluff #kpop fanfic #bts fanfiction #namjoon x oc #jimin x oc #yoongi fluff

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jflove · 4 years

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Taekook/Vkook: From things I gathered so far

First of all, it’s just my thinking, I could be wrong. So if im wrong, then just think of this post as a fanfic. So, I started listening/watching BTS just this week. Yeah i know, very late for the party. but i dont usually listen to K-pop, so I came across them simply because they’re everywhere recently.

They amazed me like most of the world right now, i started to watch their interview or v-live vids just to know them better.

Then i saw a old news about they almost break the group in 2018, i was really shocked, so i watched the 2018 festa, heard that V talked about Suga write a long massage to him and end with I love you. then Suga said he also sent to another person.

then Jungkook raised his hand.

i found it a bit weird why he didn’t say it earlier, wait till Suga pointed out another person? But i didn’t think into it. the news commented that Suga cared for the two youngest members, and said the almost disbanded reason was pressure from the fame.

Then i came across those Taekook vids, lots of them with detail analyse, those were too many i can’t repeat. i grow up with Japan’s boy groups, those were K-pop’s beginning, so im no new to those fan service behavior. But I really feel this wasn’t the case.

The first one really bring up suspicious, is when Jimin asked if JK was happy, then JK said yes and thank fans.

I was really shocked to see that, because Jimin actually lower his voice, it doesn’t sound like a joke.

And also JK’s answer... i have to say hes not the best improviser on cover up. He stop for a sec then said something in a weak tone....

He didn’t ask why Jimin say that or anything, like a normal person been wrongfully accused. Just really nervous laughing.

Cute, but boi.

Then theres that famous sleeping together on a boat:

And also those v-live busted:

Jungkook wasn’t wearing clothes when V came, but they exchanged some shady text before. So theory was probably V told him hes coming but didn’t say he would bring the cam, so... poor JK.

Anyway there are lots of them, so im not gonna go threw everything. Just my theory: I would guess they probably started just good friends, they both has the same weirdness, and similar age. And JK said he think V really good looking a lot from the beginning. V would pet JK like a puppy and hug him every chance he got.

Though other’s like the little bro too, but clearly they were the closest.

And most of all, V likes(or needs) to hug something to sleep, and little JK didn’t like sleep alone. So they just naturally sleep together all the time. And other hyungs were used to it. they know each other more than any other members too.

at first I guess they started to make out around 2017, but now i think probably 14-15. I have to keep changing the timeline earlier because more i dig, more i think it happened very early. 2013 When the group started, Jungkook looked so shy and everyone teased him. V’s teasing a bit different, more intimate or inappropriate even. Like the pic above, JK often looks shy and tries to get away. There’re also a vid (I forgot where i saw it) everyone sit down talking, V held JK under his arm and grabbing his nipple, JK looked so uncomfortable and low key tried to get away. But that dynamic soon changed, JK suddenly more confident, can tease back, and possessive of V. i think they started to make out during that time. explain why JK used to so awkward when V teased him, because he got aroused by those joking behavior and embarrassed. But after confirmed that the feeling was mature. He’s all exciting and totally in love. But I don’t think they really consider the other one as lover till 2016, could be when V left the group for the movie shooting, the separation made them realized their own feeling. if i can be a bit pervert, i would say before that could just jerking, making out, normal stuff. but 16 or 17 are the time they really doing it and become lovers.

this vid was form 03.24.2017, i saw it from other people’s great vid. pls go watch it, so informational. In this vid you can hear some kissing sound. I used to think this time was they first build up the real sexual relationship so they couldn’t control themselves. But now i think maybe because company were(are) pressing them, so its their way to get back. So as those sneaky tease, it’s their way to express their feeling under the company rules.

Maybe at first was boys fooling around, but it turn to real general love very quick. It’s not just some dazed and confused, they supported each other in a high pressure industry full with adults. Train together, work together, live together. That would definitely create a strong bond. And I believe them made each other grow a better person. V becomes more thoughtful, discovered his ability on dancing, singing, and song writing. And the very capable JK becomes more caring, confident, and found his mental support he can always rest his head when he really tired.

The another shock for me was the behind scene of Winter Bear.

first of all, JK isn’t in the credit so why was he there lol? Second, that phone lol. JK’s symbol is rabbit. so no matter who that phone is all quite suspicious. Although there’re some camera sound, but it doesn’t looks like another person was shooting, the sound and camera shift could edit in. or just ask the camera person leave the camera after couple shoots. Anyway, i think the camera was on the bed was the tiny movement matched their move so it could be just mattress bouncing. But the important thing i want to talk about was this:

That damn boi was freaking jerking off right?! His top all opened up, his left hand was under the cover, and there were some tiny panting and chest movement... i watched like at least 20 times, its gotta be. And there’s a cut couple sec later, changed to JK singing winter bear with a smirk face.

cus he freaking knew the song is about him. yeah. I think V made that song cuz JK. He said before that JK really hates people waking him up. so i guess kinda like a bear?

Then there’s the walking with JK’s dog scene. Before the behind scene came out, people argued about whether JK was involved. But now, yeah, i would say he probably the person filming since he already filming V a lot on his personal account “golden closet film“... do i even need to say anything about the name?

Back on the bear.

V only held one bear, and the finishing had two bears.

Two bears, how could that be any more obvious?? Two bears, two boys likes to sleep together. do the math.

do you even wanna talk how close he and the person filming? don’t think a professional would film like this. and the look in V’s eyes, the tiny smile on his lips... im tired to go over this, why do i even need to point out? use your eyes.

So, conclusion, I think they were in love since 2017. And the other members all know about it. There are so many slips i wouldn’t gonna talk about it. it’s already a super long post.

Next, it’s the interfering phase. 2018.

Anyway, Korea is not a gay-friendly country. And they have mandatory military service, which V and JK haven’t done. if you’re gay in Korea military, you could face jail time. And not to mention coming out in anywhere would be hard. The company started to separate V and JK, they won’t be in the same vid, even arrange different schedule for them. If it’s a group activity, then they couldn’t stand next to each other without others cut in-between.

I imagine its not a great job for the hyngs, probably why they talked about disband. Yeah, I went back to the first question i got and finished my quest. i think i found the real reason. and it explains why-->

See when Jin said it, V was looking at another person on his right side with that intense look, tell me that's not a look you look at someone you love but couldn’t be with.

And V all broke down, finally JK couldn’t watch it anymore.

I can’t find a close up, but i remember seeing in some other vids. JK was holding his tear and put on a calm face but you can see how hard he gritted.

it’s hard to find because they all got ban by the company. maybe my post would too... i heard there was a vid on YouTube point out the same thing and got ban by bighit. so... anyway. if you think im right, you can make a copy of my post and re-post it. don’t worry about copy my words, i don’t mind. if a lot of people did the same thing, then there would be no point to ban.

IM NOT DOWN HERE!!

That’s talk about this v live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfHecRN_dLk

if you didnt watch it, go find it on youtu. This vid are so... all over the place. I didn’t understand till some great analysis (see the link above). i couldn’t go throw all the details why how or what... if you don’t believe, why you even read till here?

Simply says, company wanna hide that JK and V was staying in the same room, so they probably ask V to leave the room, but V came back in the middle, everyone was super awkward, so Jin and Jimin left. V looked sad and pissed. He wouldn’t leave, so company sent someone to ring the bell, and told JK to ask V to leave.

see how uncomfortable that JK had to ask V to leave. i feel so bad for them both, had to follow those company stupid rules and pretend their relationship. How would that feel when you have the love one so close to you, but you can’t touch, can’t hold each other, can’t even say how important that person meant to you.

They’re in their 20s! they should be having fun with each other, posting those sweet pics and showing off their boyfriends, having the best. Instead, they can’t even stand together in public photo shooting.

People even thought they have issue with each other, can you imagine how insult that would be? have to see your fans pairing you and your lover with other people, but couldn’t say anything.

Then, that’s talk about the new album. because i think they’re not gonna be quite for long. remember RM made a speech in UN about not just love yourself, also need to speak yourself? I think they are gonna speak, that’s why RM hinted in this interview:

yes form the same youtuber, go find the vid. He say something big could be coming, i do think definitely could be JK and V coming out. see how serious JK’s face? this kid got frown lines in just a year! People were shock that he looks much grown up in “ON”, i just feel sorry for him. hes only 22, he shouldn’t have to grow up so much. But love would do this to you, the things you do for love age you. V seems much older too, i couldn’t imagine how much pressure hes under.

And we have to talk about the songs.

First, Jungkook’s My time. He said the same thing about have to grow up fast. Of course industry would do that to you, but he was always quite happy till couple years ago. love do make us weak and hurt, some love just harder than the other. In his song, he said don’t know what’s his time, I think maybe he was thinking about when to come out? But eventually he definitely will, because his song was for V, the lyric mostly was easy to understand, but

Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present (one time) Two time for the past (two time) these three lines i think sun means V’s name? probably means even against what V wants? but the one or two im not sure, how many times he disagree with V?

And time, my time, does that mean sexuality? or just simply means he couldn’t have time with V? so many possibility...

But i really wanna talk about V’s inner child. That’s the reason why i spent 4hrs writing this long ass post with my broken english. Not even sure would any one even bother to read... Because after everything i know and believe about V and JK, when i read the lyric i see a totally different song. a heart break love song for someone he knows for so long, when they both young. (im tearing up again) OK, call me imagine things all you want, if there’s a small chance they really are lovers and this song was for JK... just pretend that and read+listen the song again.

At that time, we had it tough While looking up at those stars in the sky, too far out of reach You at that time, didn't believe in galaxies But I saw it, a silver galaxy It must have hurt, it must have been so difficult I ran towards the endless light

The first part is the beginning of their story, they wanna be like those stars, but JK wasn’t sure about himself. V believes they can make it. so they went for it, even have to go through all those lies and suffering.

and the chorus...

It tingles, that summer day's air The cold sounds of the grey-lit streets I draw in a breath and knock at your door We gon' change

maybe how things happened? Not sure the summer is a metaphor or a real time though. this change means they fell in love.

Now I wish we would smile more It will be okay, because today's me is doing fine Yesterday's you, now it's all clear I want to hug the many thorns in the budding rose The smiling kid, the child who was always laughing brightly When I see you like that, I can't help smiling

The second part is breaking my heart. I think hes telling JK not to worry about him. He doesn’t mind those thorns(all the obstacles they have to face), he want the rose(JK or their love relationship). And the smiling kid part just makes me cry every time. The line “Yesterday’s you”, Im not sure means he can sees JK’s grown up, or... When i sense that their relationship might be the almost disband reason, i think probably one of them wanted to go against the company, open their relationship. But the other one refused. That’s why they end up still the same. I thought was V wanted to open, because he’s more don’t care about what people think kinda person. but now i think might be JK. That’s why V was crying so hard on the stage, because hes the one hiding. He felt sorry for JK, and JK held him showed he support his decision. And if that’s true, then the whole “yesterday you” could means that V understand why JK want to go public now. Another thing why i suddenly think JK is the one wanted to come out, is the “Golden Closet Film” name. And It’s started at 2017.11.08... probably the time they talked about coming out, but decided not to, he was frustrated and felt been pressed by the company into this glamorous closet.

the chorus this time means another change, maybe they broke up, or put a hold on their relationship. but i would think... maybe when V made the song, he didn’t know what would happen. this song was what he wanted to say to JK, so he could bring this song to JK and play or sing to him. See what would he choose.

Therefore comes the next part which is dancing in my tears:

Tonight, if I reach my hand to yours Can you hold that hand? I'll become you You just have to look at my galaxies Be showered with all those stars I'll give you my world The lights illuminating your eyes, they're the me of now You’re my boy, my boy My boy, my boy, my boy

Is V asking JK to come out with him? i couldn’t figure out every single words mean but i don’t have to, that’s something V said to JK, the meaning belongs to them, we can just shared a bit of his emotion. there are just so many love and begging, calling for the boy he deeply in love with. every single word hurt me deeply because they are so real and pure.

If someone wrote something like this song to you, you need to grab that person tight. You might never meet another person could love you more than that.

I don’t know if JK hold V’s hand, like I said in the beginning, i could be all wrong and this is just a fanfic. But it’s the ending, if you still with me. let me make a wild guess...

If they come out on one of the coming concert, that would be epic. I worry for them of course, I wish them nothing but happiness. I truly don’t want to see this great kids suffer anymore. So maybe its a good thing if im wrong, or the storm might swallow them all. No matter what, i will keep supporting them, hope most of the army too.

#taekook #vkook

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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um hello excuse me i just listened to that teenage dirtbag video and now i have no choice other than to ask you... what is up. that voice was lovely, the range the performer had when switching to the girl's role i?? hello??? so is this the uh... god um. dear evan hansen or the uhhhh oh my god sorry im typing as im thinking this is hell. the other one. be more chill? i have some friends into these things but never paid much attention but after that vid my inch rest is how do you say, Peaked.

it just hit me that the right word was actually 'piqued' rip me

hahahaha yeah i can tell you All About It.....see my origin story is that uh. fuckin uh right so i vaguely knew deh existed back when it was broadway-debuting at the end of 2016 and probably many of us were vaguely aware it existed, but then in the next summer (2017) i heard a cover of one of its songs and i was like “i can tell this is one of those songs that would be given way more context if i knew the plot” and by that point the wikipedia entry had a plot summary available and i got that context and even though he was fairly briefly mentioned, one of the side characters Piqued My Interest b/c i just knew like. aha that already feels like a character type i would rly latch on to. and this was in the back of my mind for a while and for like the next year i would intermittently check out another song or two or get a little bit more lore, but it wasn’t until like, fall 2018 i finally went “you know what, i am gonna dive in for Maximum Lore actually” and my motivation for doing this was cuz i wanted to find out all the info about The One Side Character lmfao, like, the “main plot” and “entire actual show” to me is just the Lore for him basically b/c that was truly my angle hahaha and my interest was further piqued b/c like i quickly went “oh so he’s secretly in love with the protagonist right, got it,” which like. was a latent vibe i got from that very first wikipedia plot summary readthrough tbh lmfao. and is True.

and then even after deciding to dig into the lore and confirming that Yes i love this character as i thought i would it took like another week or two before i ever like, Watched dear evan hansen lmfaooo and i’ve never stopped complaining about the show since ljdfs but not Not b/c the character isn’t as good as i thought (or b/c Nothing Else is good either, but. you know how it is. #canon 9_9 ) and then in the course of looking for More Content i was you know, looking at a variety of posts On Here and looking at some behind-the-scenes / bonus content type stuff on youtube and went “oh well hey the actor that plays that character i love is also a nice funny guy according to testimony and also that i like his vibe in these vids” and, fun fact as is the nature of live theatre (and it being like, oct / nov 2018 by then) he was not still the Current actor for said character but had, in fact, moved on to be more chill and Already Completed a late summer off-broadway run as the lead (and a bway run had been announced already, though im not Certain i remember the point / how i became aware of this lol).....which again, i too had Heard Of (and had once ages prior coincidentally leafed thru the book once and read a few excerpts but knew nothing abt anything beyond that).....but hilariously while i Knew he was in bmc thru some 101 research, i was like “okay i’ll move on to that in a sec” while focusing on deh for a while still b/c it was not until i happened to casually look up “okay so what does his character do in this show i’m completely unfamiliar with” that i went “oh fuck he’s the LEAD????!!!” lmaooo like i did Not realize this and that upped my urgency abt it

a very very broad description of bmc is that it’s a Fun Show coz it’s this teen scifi Magical Realism plotline classic musical comedy type of thing, a genre we all already know and love lol /j, and importantly, the music is fuckinggg Bops. very common “gateway drug” is This song. there’s an Original Broadway Cast Album all on youtube (and, somewhat confusingly im sure, an Original Cast Album, but that was an off-off-bway run, and i’m interested squarely in the off-bway and bway versions lmfao, so, and that is what one will get recommended from me (more updated versions of all the songs anyways)) and also, this is basically a tangential thought i had but circling back around to deh, My Guy (will roland as jared kleinman) does not actually get all that much singing material in the show (v different situation from be more chill) even in the song that features his character most heavily, but that song also happens to be the most fun song in deh and also a bop, and here’s an especially fun live performance to check out if u wanna, the other two dudes are not official cast members lmfao but still

and like, when all this deh-ing and enthusiastic bmc-ing (which i got into Just In Time to be following along with its broadway run, which was very fun to do) affirmed like boy i love this Actor’s Material for sure, i did a little digging into his nicher Credits, including, one fateful day in march, his tv credits, which meant i like stumbled across the fact he has this recurring role in Billions(tm) and that stumbling = immediately falling flat on my face b/c i Loved the content and we coincidentally got really into it Just In Time before the next season’s stuff started airing with him in it, and that was truly an Experience we’ve been having ever since. that’s it’s own insane tangent b/c this show is fucking Something Else but, jsyk, since i am talking about “billions” left and right and stuff, that’s the vague context for that. latched onto a character -> the actor -> the actor’s other stuff, and that [other stuff] is getting brought up around here a lot, especially billions.....we’re having fun and following our hearts with it lmao

i’m Not Great at finding a balance between “doing an elaborate lore dump when someone asks me ‘what’s X about?’ and i spend the next several hours just play by play walking them through the whole thing” and “trying to avoid doing that where i get Too In Depth and instead end up just overly glossing over it all and they’re like ‘that doesn’t give me any info :/’” but i Can and Will talk more in depth about any of this stuff b/c yeah........but between deh and bmc, i definitely like bmc more Overall and....in the specifics of it too.....and like the obcr way better......and uh Everything about it better lmfaooo but i also love the particular characters Jared and Alana, side character teens in deh, so im always about That as well..........but if u were like “hm which might i look into a little first,” i gotta say like, i like bmc better both as a matter of My Personal Taste and from a more critical standpoint of “what is the show meant to be / does it accomplish what it wants to” type stuff. even though deh is the critical darling lmfao go figure! *i* decide what’s good, actually, and as we all know, i’m correct and a genius. which, haha im joking, but i Am right and i Am not Not smart in ways lol

aaaaaaand yeah additionally like. can and will answer Any more particular questions about any of this shit b/c, it’s my shit, and you know how i roll

and p.s. glad you liked the Teenage Dirtbag it is such a good performance lol. naturally getting real into this one actor / singer’s shit means that there’s also stuff Outside [performing a particular role] which is still some sweet sweet content, such as other solo performances during a concert / cabaret stuff.....the lore is Very Rich and is V Good so it’s fun

#also glossed over which character type that i love that jared struck me as and it was just like #oh from these brief mentions of content alone i get the idea he doesn't have the most personable attitude and is trying to assert that he #doesn't care but gets super hurt when his friend ditches him and yeah i was exactly correct And More! beautiful. chefs kiss #We Are All [titular teenage dirtbag guy of the song going :o :o :o at will roland serenading us w the Girl In The Song's part]

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veganfortheearthlings · 4 years

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Hello Earthlings!

Today is February 6

I want to write something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. Before you read on I want to share:

> TRIGGER WARNING < mention of suicide! Some content may not be suitable for all readers and if that's the case please skip down the numbered list.

Today isn't a particularly significant day, but I realized it has been 26 months exactly since my brother passed away. Two years and two months. December 6th, 2017 was the last day my brother was alive. We didn't discover his body until two days later. After a blurry couple days of grieving the autopsy results came back:

Suicide by hanging

It was egregiously sudden. I knew my brother was going through some serious stuff but suicide??

I have my own history of suicidal thoughts and self harm in the deep dark abyss of depression and I turned to my brother for help or advice from time to time. I was finally beginning to emerge from the gripping darkness when my oldest sister picked me up from work. With my mom in the car they told me that the police had found my brother's body. The police immediately declared it a suicide and I knew in bones that wherever my brother was he wasn't happy with his decision.

It has been 26 months today since my brother took his life so today I hope I can help someone out by writing this list of "15 Reasons To Keep Living".

1.) The most said reason is surprisingly true. Things WILL get better! I remember those long nights where I'd drink alcohol and energy drinks in my bedroom at 3 am even though I had to be at work at 7 am. I cut. I drank hoping my organs would shut down or my heart would literally explode. I remember thinking it wouldn't get better, but I'm here typing this today because it did! Its hard and it's gonna hurt but I believe you can get through anything!

2.) Depression can seem lonely, like your friends and family care but they seem to keep you at arm's length. That's bullshit. If you're reading this I care about you. I've bled and been broken a thousand times and it's put me in a place where I can hopefully help you and I chose to take that chance. I am always available if you need someone to talk to :)

3.) You are the reason someone is happy! Have you ever seen a baby smile? The next time you're in a store and see a baby looking at you give them a smile. Most of the time they'll be super excited you even acknowledged them! It's the purest way to make someone else happy I've found to date.

4.) Animals. I'm vegan because I decided my existence shouldn't involve the exploitation of any other being. I have a cat (or to be honest my cat has a human) and she's delightfully sweet when I need her to be. Animals know when someone is hurting and most of them, if they're not predators, will try to show compassion. Just think of how many dogs you can make happy. If the noblest of species on this planet thinks you're worth love then maybe they're right!

5.) Books!

6.) Music!

7.) Foooood! Maybe you've lost all passion for things that used to make you happy. Books aren't as fun to read, your favorite music doesn't cheer you up, and food doesn't seem appetizing anymore. Or maybe they're an escape for you? If they are then that's a reason to keep living! Live to read new stories, hear new music, and try new foods!

8.) Maybe you haven't been able to travel and see more of the world. I know sometimes you might feel trapped in one place but opportunities to leave will present themselves in time. Suicide isn't an escape, it's a self made prison sentence that you can't escape from.

9.) Love. Okay here me out! Most people are lonely or just ended a relationship when they take their own life. I don't believe in God and I dont believe in heaven or hell but I do believe everyone in the world is compatible with someone! Not all love has to be romantic either. It could be love for a friend or even a pet. Maybe you haven't met yet but trust me please. They're there and they are waiting patiently to meet you!

10.) Art. I know I've always had an eye for art. 90% of the time I don't know what Im even looking but I appreciate all the time and energy that went into it! It opens the mind up to different cultures and different ways to do things. It might be poetry, music, sculpting, filmmaking, etc. People are coming up with new interesting stuff everyday and you can be there to enjoy it all.

11.) Little things. Petting a dog or a cat in your lap and hearing them purr. Brushing your teeth with your possible children. Snapchat filters. Singing in a goofy voice. Playing an instrument. Kindly buying someone else a drink out of the blue. Making a child smile. The little things you might have forgotten could be someone's precious memories of things you did.

12.) Regrets. You'll never get to have the satisfaction of saying you lived the life you wanted to live. My ideal life when I was depressed is nothing like the life I'm living now but that's because I changed as a person and now I've found happiness in simple things. I treasure life and I don't want to waste a second of it. Your life is precious and you should live it in a way that will make you truly happy.

13.) You can be a voice for others just like you. The world won't get any brighter if you turn off your light. My favorite inspirational quote goes like this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

You can be a voice for the voiceless. You can be a whisper heard by the people who choose to ignore the screams of the suffering. One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, one life can change the world. That one can start with you.

14.) Nature. Humans aren't meant to be surrounded by concrete and steel. No being on this Earth can say their natural habitat is made in a factory or at a construction site. No, we are all primitive beings and nature is where our souls belong. Give yourself a reason to live by saying you're going to live how you are meant to live. School and 9-5 jobs weren't mother nature's inventions. I'm not saying quit school but there's always more to life than getting a piece of paper saying you're educated or having pieces of paper in your wallet with a made up value (money).

15.) You will never be able to see yourself smile again. Look in mirror. Chances are you might not like who you see. I certainly didn't. You have odd quirks and maybe disproportionate body parts. Maybe you have a tooth gap but that's what makes you original. There's no one else on this Earth with all the same qualities as you. I love you just the way you are. No make up and no shaving. You are naturally beautiful, it's the world who's ugly. If you took your life your uniqueness will leave this world. Don't become another statistic like my brother. I love him and he'll never be forgotten by me but the world will continue on. Only now he can't contribute and make my life or anyone else's life, including his own, any happier. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to fight deep and hard to show you that you deserve to be happy. I hope someday soon you'll see how special you are and you'll love yourself because you deserve the realest purest love there is.

Thank you so much for reading this! If this helped you in any way please like and leave a comment if you have any questions! I put a lot of time and thought into this today because I love you and I think you deserve to be genuinely happy and I hope you find the happiness you're looking for soon.

Anyways that's going to be it from me. I will be back again very soon. I hope you have a good rest of the day!

Bye-bye!

☮️💚🌎

#veganism #mental health #love #self love #vegan #ilovebooks #i love you #mental disorder #mental heath support #positive mental attitude #mentally ill #inspiration #feminist #why we need feminism

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mysteriouskod · 5 years

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TW: possible stalking, sexual(?) Harassment, harassment in general, toxic masculinity(? I guess), just.. it's about a creep.

So, I didnt really wanna post this. I really, really didnt, but I'm fighting off an anxiety attack right now.

As you guys may know, I've been with out a job since December 2017. I have only recently decided to go back to work, despite not fully feeling ready. I need money, I have goals, if I could bull my way through work at my worst point, I figured I could do it now.

Abou 2 to 3 weeks ago, when I first started working the night shift, I walked to work as per usual. I love walking. It's my favorite way to prepare for or unwind from something. I went to Tim Hortons, a Canadian Coffee shop that made it's way here in Buffalo, before my shift because I was an hour and a half early. After eating a donut, I back tracked to work cause it's less than a five minute walk. I sit on the bench and smoke a cigarette.

Then he approaches me.

Now, I'm from South Buffalo. It's a little neighborhood pretty much right outside the outer city(so like, the outer outer city. I'm a block or so up from where the city of Buffalo actually starts, I think.) I also went to college inside the city. I'm used to weird people from all walks of life.

But this guy felt different.

I took my head phones out to see what he wanted, assuming it was a cigarette. He was visibly drunk, and high off something. Again, nothing I'm not used to. He hung around for about 15 minutes. He spoke in a way that didnt make sense. HE knew what he was talking about, but it literally made no sense. He leaves, I write it off as nothing.

Until Thursday.

I go out for my break around 10, cause the last cashier wants to go hone early. No problem. I really dont give a shit. Like always, I scan the parking lot. Not a paranoia thing, more like a "am I gonna get in anyone's way/How many customers do we have rn" type deal. I sit on the bench.

As soon as I sit on the bench, he approaches me.

Hes high/drunk again.

He again tries giving me cigarettes, I again try declining. He asks my name. I panic and give him my chosen name, cause no one at work knows that name since I cant have my name tag have that name(i hate it but I'm honestly glad) This way, he goes in asking for a Kinsey, no one will know who hes talking about.

Hes so fucked up he cant even say it right.

He asks my age, I tell him 21 thinking "mayhaps thisll make him leave me alone".

His response: "score! I am too..... just add a few"

Now, the man is clearly 40(well, 39 as I learned later). I have no problem with this. I dont give a shit how old someone is. I'll talk to anyone in normally conversation. I am more attracted to people older than myself. If I click, I click.

But I dont know any one in that age group in their right mind who would respond that way. Sure, I do know people who are older and like younger(LEGAL) people, but the difference is they know how to fucking act and dont ducking harass people so that's not my problem here.

I'm legitimately scared.

He gets a phone call, makes a really weird comment about me. Is talking about me like he actually KNOWS me.

The moment he turns his back and walks the other way I run inside and tell the cashier who then tells our manager on duty.

Fast forward an hour.

He fucking comes in.

Theres 4 to 5 other people at my station cause it's the easy scan and the only thing open for people to cash out.

He doesnt really try talking to me.

I get an opportunity after he leaves to call my manager up to help customers, and let him know the guy came in. Gives me a very firm "if you need me, call me" with that like... I really dont know how to describe it. I know the look cause my guy friends have given it to me before. You know... that like protective "I got your back, I wont let anything happen to you" look. Says he will let the over night manager who will be there for the rest of my shift know.

Fast forward to roughly 1215ish, the last 30 minutes of my shift.

Like three people in my store.

He comes in.

Starts accosting me for lack of a better word. Making no sense.

Trying to buy me food. I politely decline. He gets mad at my excuses(that could have been legitimate) Goes on about how nice I am (IM FUCKING NICE TO EVERYONE) Moves to the other side of my stand podium thingy. Doesnt realize I specifically adjusted my stance to not give him an opening. Continues to try giving me food, that im nice, getting mad I'm rejecting him. I'm desperately trying to get him to leave me alone. Even pointing out I think hes too drunk and needs to go sit down which makes him more angry. I consider telling him about my boyfriend.

Then a Male customer (one of 3 people who came up in the time guy was there, whom I was desperately trying to signal via eye contact that I needed help) says bye to me, and I say bye back. You know, my job.

The RAGE in this man's eyes that I DARE give another man attention was staggering.

Cant tell him I have boyfriend, he may get violent.

He finally decides go go grab MORE beer. I call my manager up.

Manager stands next to me, and when guy gets to a scanner, tells me to go to the back.

I literally have to hold myself back from RUNNING.

My manager calls for the other guy on shift who was cleaning the meat room to have him tell me I can come up. I think he did it on purpose so a) guy wouldnt get my work name and b) guy would know theres another man on shift.

I didnt stop shaking until I went to bed that night.

I bought a knife.

I havent touched a knife in over two years for personal reasons.

The guy only approaches me when I'm alone. When it's dark.

No body tried to fucking help.

I'm scared to go to work now. I'm scared that if I take my break outside, like I always do, he will approach me. I'm afraid that he will see me get out of my moms car (or the vehicle of who ever drives me) and come in.

I am afraid and do not know what to do; I need this job.

#harassment mention #tw harassment #stalking #tw stalking #harassment cw #harassment #this is harassment

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alitoowell · 6 years

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One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017. It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility. In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible. But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable. People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME. Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd. So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened. Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house? I got to hug her? Dance with her? And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it? That seems unbelievable. And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that. But Taylor does. My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there. The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately. In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017. Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!! Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream. Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet??? She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn’t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me. Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade. I love you forever, babe. Long, long live October 22, 2017.

#mine #my secret session experience #you're welcome isabell #10.22.17 #reputation secret sessions

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h0neyjaehyun · 3 years

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☁︎ 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 ☁︎

Summary // Jeno finds out Tali's favorite skinship, and later on so do the boys.

Characters // Talia Flores + Jeno Lee (ft.Nct Dream mention. Chan, parents)

Era / Year // July 2017

Word Count //

⚠️Warning⚠️ // Mention of Alchohol abuse

So members like to give out kisses once in awhile and Tali is no different. Even tho she doesn't really do skinship, she doesn't mind giving kisses here and there mostly because thats how the people around her gave her affection when she was in her pre-teens. Lots of head kisses mostly, from adoring her to comforing her.

Something about Tali makes you want to smother her in affection. But the boys don't want to over step her boundaries so they never did, and hoping that one day Tali will give the signal that it was okay.

And the moment had come.

Its was 2017, Tali felt quite sad. Not that the boys did anything wrong its just sometimes she misses the times she can be carefree and drink. The adrenaline that she got when she was younger but she knew that she wasn't able to go back to it.

She knows drinking is bad,especially at her age which wasn't llegal drinking age, she hasn't drinked alcohol since Chan convinced her not to, and saying it was bad for her. She knew that when she was younger too but she missed the thrill, and her friends. They all kept in contact, visiting them when she is off. She just misses the affectionate that they usually gave her, but can't since it might get her in a scandal. Mostly the head kisses, and when she kisses them on the cheek, that made her feel the most loved and thats how she preferred to show her love.

Her parents never really gave her affection, it was usually her friends, and she felt comfort in those moments and safe. The boys didn't really hug her, only Haechan or Jaemin, what they usually do is just pinch her cheeks. Even tho she doesn't like the cheek pinching, she wanted kisses, but it felt weird asking that.

So she finally had the courage to just kiss one of the members cheek one day....all hell broke loose when they found out the habit.

"Jeno~" she said sleeply, tired of the comeback, she went and sat beside him. "You look tired." "Wow, thats what every girl wants to hear." Tali said sarcastically. "Sorry" Jeno laughed with his eye smile. Tali looked at him and smiled back loving his smile. She put her head on his shoulder while they were waiting for the rest of dream to get ready for bed.

She heard yelling outside knowing it was the 2 boys that have been practically fighting all summer and not getting along for only god knows what. (Or whatever figure you believe in). She tried her best to ignore it, but also wanting to get out of the dorm that she wasn't very comfortable in at the moment.

"Hey Jeno?"

"Hm?"

"Wanna go for ice cream?"

"Right now? Its the middle of the night."

Tali looked at him then looked back at the door from where all the yelling is coming from.

"Either you wanna stay here and keep hearing them scream their heads off at each other or you wanna go get ice cream and go on the roof so we can look at the stars. Either way im going."

Jeno thought about it, he didn't want to stay here, nor did he want Tali to go out alone knowing she was too stubborn to back down from not leaving.

"....Sure why not...Renjun can always handle them"

Tali nodded, not caring if she was tired she just wanted out. They left quietly without anyone noticing, and headed to the the Open 24 hours store, to grab some ice cream and snacks.

They left and Jeno almost went to the dorm forgetting that they were supposed to go to the roof but Tali pulled him to the roof. Jeno was amazed on how Tali knew about going up here, the view was so pretty, like she can read his thoughts she said. "This is my safe place these past months, the amount of fighting those two have is...terrible I just wanted to leave the bad aura and come here with you." She said looking at him with sparkles in her eyes.

Jeno looked mesmerized by her speech and her eyes, he always liked looking at them. He pulled her to the ground and they sat there in silence with only bags being moved around being the only noise.

Tali looked at him and she found comfort, he looked back at her and gave her his famous eye smile, she was so happy to see it she couldn't help but just climb on his lap and just stay there in his arms. Jeno was surprised but took the rare opportunity to hold her.

Then Tali out of habit gave him a kiss on the cheek. Jeno froze, Tali could feel the stiffness in his body. Then it clicked on what she just did. "Oh my- IM SORRY I DID THAT OUT OF HABIT, IM SORRY I MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE." Tali said panicked.

While Jeno still loading, Tali was about to get off his lap but thats when reality came in he held her in the same position they were before. "No no its okay, its okay as long as you don't do that to people outside the group your okay" Jeno laughed at her panicked state.

There was silence

"Wait....what do you mean out of habit?" Jeno said out of curiosity.

Tali blushed not expecting that question she laughed and said "Well when I was like 11 I developed a love for kisses, like not lip to lip more like head kisses of comfort, then the way I respond to that comfort is by giving that person a kiss on the cheek if I really really trust them.." she said while she was hiding in her red hair, she couldn't help but feel embarrassed at that confession, she didnt really like saying those cheesy things if makes her cringe or flustered.

Jeno laughed at her embarrassment. Feeling good that she trusts him, and that he is getting closer to her. "You trust me?" Jeno said cutely. Tali now flustered "Of course I trust you" she said with giggle. "Then why didn't you kiss my cheek before huh?" He said teasingly with a pout. Tali smiles at his cuteness "Because I didn't know if your were comfortable with it" she said with a smile, head tilted cutely. Jeno gushed at her.

"How about this" Jeno proposed

"How about me and you only do this hm?" Tali thought about it, she doesn't know if the members are comfortable with it and honestly doesn't wanna embarrass herself so one member is better then none.

She looked at him the a smile and said "of course!"

Jeno was happy that he got closer with Tali also that they get to have their own little thing. But he knew it wasn't gonna last long since they were probably gonna accidentally do it infront of the boys out of habit, but he is gonna take the time that he has with it.

Dream were in the waiting room. Bored out of their mind waiting for their turn to perform. So Jeno and Tali were just napping together, Jaemin visited them and he saw them together and started taking pictures.

Then Tali started waking up and looked up and saw Jaemin."Jaeminnnn" she said cutely still sleepily doing graby hands at him like a baby while Jeno was still asleep beside her, hands around her waist, his face in her hair. Jaemin couldn't resist the invitation so he layed on top of her and snuggled his face in her chest.

She wasn't expecting the face in chest but she thought eh he is injured i don't to hurt him by pushing him off and its been awhile I'll let it slide. Then Jeno woke up from all the movement

"Jaemin."

"Hm?" The boy still buried in her chest too comfortable to move.

"One why are you here and two why are you in Tali's chest?" Concerned for the girl under him since she is a small human being.

"One to visit since its been awhile, and two...its comfortable and she did the grabby hands so I couldn't resist." He said still in her chest. Jeno looked at Tali and Tali looked back at Jeno. She blinked a few times.

"Hello"

Jeno just smiled at her cute hello.

Tali looked at Jaemin who seemed to be asleep.

"Jaemin....Jaemin....JAEMIN!" Mark yelled waking up the boy. "WHAT." The boy said upset that his sleep got disturbed. "Get off of her she need to fix her clothes to perform." Mark said, Jaemin just glared at Mark "You're just jealous that Im in this position and you're not." Jaemin said getting up and started to bicker with Mark.

Tali just crawled onto Jeno's lap and both of them sat there looking at the boys just bickering with each other while the others started joining in. In the moment Tali felt at home, Jeno reminded Tali of her brother when he would hold her when something bad came up or just in general.

Jeno looked down and saw Tali seem comfortable which made him happy and out of habit he kissed her head, and in that exact moment the boys turned to Tali to ask her who gives the best cuddles and they see Tali in Jeno's lap and him giving her a head kiss.

Everything was quiet

"WHY DOES HE GET TO KISS YOU AND NOT ME!" Haechan whined while he collapsed on Tali's legs.

Tali blinked trying to figure out whats happening then she realized...he kissed my head....oh no.

Then their manager came "Its time to perform LETS GO PEOPLE." Tali and Jeno took this opportunity to book it so they looked at each other and RAN.

"COME BACK HERE WE ARE NOT FINSIHED DISCUSSING THIS!" Jaemin yelled.

All the boys laughed and then after they performed they saw Jaemin still there waiting for an explanation. Jeno and Tali looked at each other trying to figure out how to explain.

"Well?"

"Um...well you see its just...it became a habit~?" Tali said trying hard to explain without confessing the truth cause if she does, they won't stop kissing her.

"Tali." Jisung said.

"Hm?" Tali turned to Jisung

"Are you and Jeno hyung dating" Chenle said

Tali and Jeno looked at each other and they burst out laughing.

"YOu ThInk WE ArE DAtiNg!?" Jeno said laughing his ass off.

Everyone was confused not knowing what to think.

"Listen, I find comfort with head kisses when being hugged and I usually repay the person with a kiss on the cheek or a hug nothing more, its just Jeno found out by accident when we hanged out and I was sleepy, we agreed to be our thing till we slip up and do it front of you guys nothing more." Tali said giggling.

They all were in awe at the little cute confession and started to coo at her and petting her hair.

Jaemin just looked at her after the cooing and said with a betrayed face.

"YOU GAVE JENO A KISS BEFORE ME"

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maternalcube · 5 years

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i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

#i need a fic tag #HOO BOY

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